Day 17 Assignment

[Kristina Zill]

QE Cycle #4, First Draft

Logline: Maxine suspects her sister of trying to manipulate their father.

Essence: A fight supposedly over morals is really about money.

Trait I changed:
Renee: from Outgoing to Evangelical

INT. Hospital Lounge – Morning

RENEE (38) approaches the vending machine, puts some money in. She gets a couple of snacks and then spots MAXINE (36), who has fallen asleep in a chair. She circles her a moment, then reaches out and touches her on the arm.

RENEE
Maxine? Well, for heaven’s sake.
Hey. Hey, Maxine!

MAXINE
(wakes, stretches)
Oh, God. Hey, Renee.

RENEE
I didn’t know you were coming.

MAXINE
Flew in on the red eye.

RENEE
(looks at chair in disgust)
You don’t have any hand sanitizer, do you?
No telling what kind of person was sitting here last.

MAXINE
Actually, I was. That was my chair last night.

Renee sits in a different chair.

RENEE
What, all night?

MAXINE
It sounded like he was going fast, so–

RENEE
He’s stabilized. You should go get some sleep, honey child.

MAXINE
Not till I find out what’s going on.
(off Renee’s look)
Dad won’t see me.

Renee gets busy unwrapping a Reese’s.
Maxine watches her, suspicious.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
You didn’t say anything, right? About my situation?

RENEE
No!

MAXINE
It’s weird. I flew all this way.

RENEE
You know he always has to be the tough guy.
Probably didn’t want you to see him like this.

MAXINE
But he talked to you, right? He let you visit.

RENEE
I was there when he woke up from surgery. So he didn’t
have much choice. Maybe you could try again–

MAXINE
The nurse has orders: I’m not to be admitted.

RENEE
You’re imagining things.

MAXINE
She told me. He specifically requested that I not be allowed–

RENEE
Really? Why do you suppose–

MAXINE
You tell me.

RENEE
I had nothing to do with it. My word, but you’re paranoid!

Maxine watches Renee eat the peanut butter cup.

MAXINE
How can you eat that garbage?

RENEE
Well, the cafeteria’s not open yet.
Anyway, it’s peanut butter. It’s protein.

MAXINE
This whole environment is just deadening.
I forgot my book on the plane, so I tried the gift shop.
One trash novel after another.

RENEE
This is a family friendly place. I’m not surprised
they don’t carry your kind of book.

MAXINE
And what kind would that be? “Pray” tell.

RENEE
Banned, I guess. You were always drawn to
whatever is forbidden.

MAXINE
Goddammit, Renee. After all this time,
you still think it’s a “lifestyle.”

Renee draws back like she’s been stung.

RENEE
Please! I’m sure that kind of language
is standard in New York City, but not here.

Maxine stands and stretches.

MAXINE
So I guess you got the prayer warriors all fired up.

RENEE
Everyone is focusing their prayers on Daddy, yes,
praying for him to get better.

MAXINE
Didn’t do much good for me, though, right?

RENEE
Jesus helps those that help themselves.
But it does hurt my heart to know that my little sister
will spend eternity in hell.

MAXINE
Speaking of going to hell…I talked to the lawyer.
He said you wanted Dad to change his will.

RENEE
You don’t have kids. Daddy wants his grandkids
provided for. Especially Caleb, who just became an
acolyte at our church.

MAXINE
An acolyte? Tell Caleb to watch his back.

RENEE
The Catholics are the problem. We’re Presbyterian.

MAXINE
In any case, That’s part of why I need to see him.
I’m going to be a parent soon.

Renee looks dumbfounded.

MAXINE (CONT’D)
Anna’s pregnant.

RENEE
I don’t see how that’s even possible.
Noah stocked the ark, two by two,
with one of each, male and female, so they could reproduce.

MAXINE
We got a sperm donor.

RENEE
So your child will grow up with two mommies,
and never even know his father.
That’s disgusting.

MAXINE
But I hope they’ll know their grandfather.

RENEE
They?

MAXINE
We don’t know what the child’s orientation
will be.

RENEE
(looking up)
Jesus, God in Heaven, forgive her.
The poor baby’s already being abused
with “woke” pronouns.

MAXINE
(looking up)
Hi, Jeebus. How are you?
(pretends to listen)
What’s that?
(to Renee)
He says he approves.

RENEE
Jesus does not approve!

MAXINE
Oh, yes, he does.

RENEE
He does not approve! And neither does Daddy.

A beat. Renee is defiant. Maxine nods.

MAXINE
I knew you were behind it. I just
needed to hear you say it.

RENEE
Yes, I told him that you were in a sinful
relationship. He thought I meant a man, and
I said, No, it’s worse. It’s so much worse.

Maxine sits and puts her head in her hands.

MAXINE
You’re going to rot in hell, Renee.

RENEE
Someone IS going to hell, but I can assure you,
it isn’t me.

[Judith Watson]

JUDITH’S REWRITE OF SCENE LESSON 17

ESSENCE: An opportunity to receive a promotion presents itself.

LOGLINE: A woman helps out another woman at work.

CHANGED OUTGOING TO IMPATIENT

INT. OFFICE BUILDING – WOMAN’S RESTROOM – DAY

The door flies open. MAXINE,27, rushes into the room. Her hair is disheveled. A panic look on her face. Her mascara smeared on her cheeks.

She looks in the mirror. Shakes her head and hides in a stall.

RENEE,25, enters. Well kept and looking great, she moves to the mirror. Combs her hair and makes sure every strand is in place. Checks her clothing. Sighs, likes what she sees.

Turning to leave she hears a whimper. She looks about. Listens. There it goes again.

RENEE

Hello…Someone in here?

Silence.

Looking under the stalls…

RENEE

I see your feet. You need help?

The door opens slowly. Maxine peaks out. Renee steps back. Turns, almost laughs. She smooths down her clothing and turns toward Maxine.

Maxine steps out of the stall a pleading look on her face.

RENEE

What happened to you?

MAXINE

You’re not going to tell anyone?

RENEE

Tell them what?

MAXINE

About this?

She moves her hands in front of her body.

RENEE

What is this? Out with it. If you don’t want to be found, out with it.

Maxine stares at Renee.

MAXINE

I know we haven’t been friends…

RENEE

Whose fault is that?

Maxine looks down at her feet, avoiding eye contact.

MAXINE

Can I trust you?

RENEE

Quit pissing around. I don’t have all day.

Renee moves to the door.

MAXINE

Don’t leave. I need your help.

RENEE

I’m going to lock the door. You don’t want anyone else in here, do you?

Turning away to latch the lock, Renee secretly pulls out her iphone. She pushes a button to record. Turns back to Maxine, smiles. Walks calmly toward her.

Maxine watches her calmly move toward her. She relaxes and smiles back.

MAXINE

Thank you. Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

First, let’s get you cleaned up.

She pulls mascara and a brush from her purse. Maxine washes her face. Dries it with a paper towel. Looks at Renee ever thankful.

She applies the mascara. Brushes her hair.

RENEE

Good, you look presentable. Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong?

Maxine hesitates.

RENEE

Out with it or I will leave.

MAXINE

Okay…Can you keep a secret?

RENEE

I thought that’s what we’re talking about.

Maxine paces back and forth. Renee looks in the mirror. Smiles at herself.

RENEE

Out with it or I am leaving…

MAXINE

Okay. I had a accident.

RENEE

Big deal.

Maxine bits her lower lip. Sighs.

MAXINE

A hit and run.

Renee’s eyes grow big. She nods at Maxine. Waves her to go on.

Maxine fans herself. Renee stares at her.

RENEE

Out with it.

MAXINE

Okay, I hit a teenager on a bike and I took off.

Pleading eyes stare at Renee. She moves over and hugs Maxine. Her look pure pleasure.

RENEE

Okay, where’s your car?

MAXINE

I left it in a parking lot at Rubios cafe. I panicked. I didn’t mean to leave him there. I was just so scared. I don’t know what to do.

RENEE

I’ll handle it. You go out and go to work. I’ll make an excuse, say I’m sick. I need to go home.

MAXINE

You’d do that for me after how I’ve treated you?

RENEE

We’re all human. No go to work.

Maxine leaves. Renee watches her leave. She rubs her hands together. Pure joy on her face. She shuts off her iphone recording.

EXT. POLICE STATION – DAY

A dent-up car pulls to the front of the building. Renee steps out. She walks up to the door, whistling.

[Edward Lusk]

QE # 4

LOGLINE – An artist is confronted by another artist who is using her personal inspiration in an underhanded attempt to divulge her night of indiscretion with a married man.

ESSENCE – “Sculpture is what you bump into when you back up to see a painting.”

— Barnett Newman

TRAIT CHANGED – Maxine – From Paranoid to Passionate

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

Artist mingle, nervous chatter fills the gallery. Their latest creations on display, ready for the curators, or easy marks. In one corner, a painter, RENEE, her face constantly puckered, fusses over refreshments on a small table under her latest painting, an impressionistic, male nude draped in a towel.

There’s a commotion across the way. A women, leads across the room, two men carrying a statue covered by a silk sheet. She is MAXINE, art personified, colorful wool shaw, statement eyewear, clunky jewelry. She brushes past RENEE, with a sneer into her exhibit space. She throws off her shaw and then spins, arms extended – Sound of Music style.

MAXINE

At last, at last, the opening! Another chance to show off one’s creative passion to those who simple don’t understand the pain they cause by their rejection.

RENEE

Good evening Maxine, not everywomen can pull off shepard chic.

Maxine begrudgingly accepts Renee’s air kisses.

MAXINE

(to movers)

You don’t expect me to stand it upright. Set it down…there,… gently. This is a work of art, not a sofa.

The men set the statue upright on a pedestal.

RENEE

Thank you gentlemen. Our show wouldn’t be a success if it weren’t for you. Refreshments?

The two men scurry away leaving the artist squaring off. Maxine admires Renee’s painting with a keen eye.

MAXINE

So this is him. The man of mystery and of deceit.

RENEE

I warned you of this, Maxine. It’s our little secret. Not one word more about the…inspiration for my piece.

MAXINE

It’s a piece alright. Inspired by a night of one’s indiscretion captured in acrylic, and rapture. Disgusting.

RENEE

A true artist captures the mood, in light, in color, and in brush strokes. Not with chisels and sledge hammers.

MAXINE

What you lack, Renee, is dimension, you hear me? Dimension. My art inhabits this space.

With a flourish, Maxine, strips off the silk sheet covering her statue. She surveys the room to quell any signs of disapproval. It’s a stunning bronze sculpture of male, nearly nude. His lower half tantalizingly covered in the carved folds of a towel.

Renee’s face goes colder than it already is. She slowly circles the bronze statue. Taking it all in.

RENEE

But how? This is my model, (whispering) that’s my…Jay.

MAXINE

It’s Patsy’s, Jay. You coveted her husband for one lonely night while I, on the other hand, merely suggested he pose for me as I knew him more intimately now since you confessed your sins.

RENEE

You assume too much, Maxine, and I know a blackmailer when I see one.

MAXINE

It was guilt that compelled you transcribe the memory into fine brush strokes. Maybe you’d like to purchase my work? How divine. You can touch Jay whenever you want. Go ahead, feel him.

RENEE

It’s no mystery why you’re divorced.

MAXINE

Says the prudish slut. You know SHE is coming tonight. Won’t it be fun to watch her admire our works side by side. I’m curious to see if she recognizes her cheating husband captured in paint, or in bronze?

RENEE

I know it is Jay, and you know it is Jay. No one else can tell my painting is of Jay. That’s why I hold true the conventions of impressionism. It’s what the viewer observes based on many factors. A carver, like you, would never understand. Luckily for me you’re not so skilled. Your statue could be any average looking man.

MAXINE

Average!? You lack the eye for detail. Oh goody, there she is. Let the games begin.


Across the room, a women strolls along sipping champagne, mingling. She is PATSY.

RENEE

When she get’s here, not hints, no games. The unbiased eye and cloudless mind is the best way to consume the arts.

MAXINE

The best way to consume the arts is with one’s check book at the ready.

Patsy sidles up to Renee’s and Maxine’s corner of the gallery.

RENEE

Good evening. Are you enjoying the show? I have refreshments. Help yourself.

Patsy greets Renee’s painting with a dampened smile. Renee gently exhales. Patsy’s eyes narrow at the sight of Maxine’s sculpture.

PATSY

Is this your work, my dear?

MAXINE

My work, my life, my ever lasting peace.

PATSY

It’s um…it’s um…somewhat familiar to me, but I can’t place my finger on it. Yes, yes, quite the scoundrel, isn’t he?

MAXINE

I call him, “The Cad,” isn’t that amusing?

PATSY

You have a way with details I’ve never seen before. Something to to consider…yes…

Patsy glides along to the other half of the gallery.

RENEE

This is blatant revenge. Jay didn’t choose you that night, he choose me because I understand the way to a man’s heart. It’s my gift. This ridiculous trick of yours will backfire on you. I can tell you that.

A roguish looking MAN whispers in Renee’s ear.

MAN

I’d keep your voice down, if I were you.

Renee spins around.

RENEE

Jay! What are you doing here?

MAXINE

To say he likes expensive art, only to reject it for something cheaper before the evening ends.

JAY

Hello Maxine. I see you haven’t changed.

MAXINE

That depends and the view. However you have…

…Maxine steps aside revealing her statue in the likeness of Jay.

JAY

Oh my god. What have you done? Has my wife seen this?

PATSY (O.S)

Seen what dear?

They all turn and face the quizzical gaze from Patsy.

JAY

Patsy! I was just admiring the ladies’ works. So talented.

PATSY

Yes, this sculptor speaks to me. The impressionist painting is darling, just not my cup of tea.

RENEE

(under breadth)

I had your tea, it was tepid.

MAXINE

I know what it is saying…I’m the perfect statue for discriminating curators of the finest art.

Patsy studies the statue with greater detail. She puts on eye glasses that are strong around her neck.

PATSY

Look at this Jay, the statue has an appendix scar just like yours.

JAY

What a coincidence.

PATSY

The towel reads, (spelling) H. O. T. E. L… R.E.G. E…Hotel Regent! The same as our honeymoon. (studies the statue’s face closely)

Patsy lets out a loud YELP! Startling the others.

PATSY

I know exactly what is going on here!

RENEE/MAXINE/JAY

You do?

PATSY

Oh Jay, how romantic! When did you slip off to model for this exquisite sculpture for me? I simply adore surprises. It will go in our bedroom, right beside the Barcelo. Now settle up with this talented individual and I’ll see you all later at the reception.

Patsy saunters away. Jay slips his check book out from his breast pocket and slaps it across his hand.

JAY

How much?

MAXINE

For the statue, or for keeping secrets my dear?

END SCENE

[George Verongos]

QE Cycle #4, First Draft

Logline: A day of shopping at the mall ends in a mess of emotional turmoil and deceit.

Essence: There are no such things as personal problems.

The trait I changed:
Renee: from Prissy to Blunt

INT. TESLA – DAY

RENEE (18) sits gazing out the front passenger seat window of the family’s Tesla, and her sister, MAXINE (17), is sitting in the backseat looking at her new iPhone. They are in their driveway waiting for their mother so they can all go to the mall.

MAXINE (leaning forward)

Look at how rad these pictures look, Ren.

Maxine holds her phone in front of Renee’s face.

MAXINE

The cameras on these iPhone 13 Pro Max are incredible.

RENEE

iPhone 13? Why do you have a brand-new phone and I have this old iPhone 7?

Renee waves her phone around in the air.

RENEE

Why did Mom get you a new phone and not me?

MAXINE

Oh, Mom didn’t buy this. Ryan bought it for me. Wasn’t that sweet of him?

RENEE

Ryan, bought you that? Those phones are over a grand, easy. What did you do fuck him for it?

MAXINE

No. I’m a virgin thank you very much. You know I’m saving myself for my true love.

RENEE

Uh, what about Phillip? You guys dated for a year and humped like rabbits? Every night you didn’t sneak out to go have sex with him, you would keep me up all night hysterical thinking he was cheating on you.

MAXINE

I erased that person from my past. And I have reclaimed my virginity, so it’s like it never happened

RENEE

Okay, okay, you’re a virgin, fuck.

There is an uncomfortable silence.

RENEE

(trying to lighten the mood)

What did you tell Ryan? In case I want to make some simp buy me a new iPhone.

MAXINE

I just sort of hinted to him that if I were lose my virginity in high school, that he was pretty high on the list.

RENEE

Then he was just like, ‘Here’s a new iPhone to bump me up to the top of your dudes-I-might-let-pop-my-cherry list.’?

MAXINE

No, Ren, Ryan’s an idiot. I had to suggest it to him.

RENEE

You told Ryan you might give your virginity to him, maybe, and if he got you the newest most expensive iPhone, you might consider him a little more? You just said he was an idiot. Are you even attracted to him?

MAXINE

(smiling)

Yeah. Pretty clever, huh? And ewe, he’s a troll. Even if he was hot, I couldn’t be seen with him. His parents are teachers and drive Toyotas. So, middle-class.

RENEE

You are shady, sis. And manipulative. You’re just using him.

MAXINE

No, I’m not. We both get something out of it.

RENEE

Do tell.

MAXINE

Well, I get this kick-ass phone, and Ryan gets to live in hope.

Renee gives Maxine a look of disapproval over her shoulder.

MAXINE

What? I gave him something to look forward to, possibly.

RENEE

Probably? (understanding) He has no chance, does he?

MAXINE

Zero. But he doesn’t have to know that. And no one’s going to tell him are they?

RENEE

I want no part of this… unless there’s an iPhone 13 Pro Max in it for me, too. I’ll tell ya what, Max, I’ll keep your dirty little secret if you give me that phone. It’s a win-win, I get a new phone and you get hope, hope I don’t tell Ryan.

MAXINE

Haha. Very funny, Ren. You owe me. Now we’re even. You know a secret about me and I know you’ve been making yourself vomit to stay skinny.

RENEE

Maxine. You promised to never mention that.

MAXINE

Don’t worry. I told you I wouldn’t tell anyone. And now you have the insurance of my secret.

RENEE

It’s only until the pageant, and then I’ll stop with the puking. I promise. This is my last pageant before college, and I deserve to win, no matter what.

The girls’ MOM comes out the front door of the house and gets in the driver’s seat. She has furrowed brow and seems preoccupied.

MOM

Sorry, I took so long, girls.

RENEE

No prob. (beat) Everything okay?

Mom puts the car into gear and pulls out of the drive. She pretends to be too occupied to look at Renee.

MOM

Yeah, baby. Momma’s just fine.

Maxine looks up from her phone.

RENEE

You sure? Cause you just said ‘Momma’s just fine’ and we all know that when you say that you are anything but just fine.

MAXINE

Yeah, Mom. What’s wrong?

MOM

(agitated and overly focused on driving)

Nothing is wrong. Now stop it you too.

They drove in silence, Maxine still glued to her phone. Renee was looking out of the corners of her eyes at her mother trying to figure out why she was acting so weird. Renee realizes they are going in the opposite direction of the mall.

RENEE

(looking around)

You sure you’re okay? Because the mall is like literally the other way.

MOM

I just have to make a quick stop before we go to the mall. Are errands a crime now?

RENEE

Where are we going?

MOM

Why all the questions? I just have to go somewhere.

RENEE

Okay, but where and why are you being so weird?

MAXINE

Yeah, Mom. You’re starting to scare me.

Mom shoots Maxine a dirty look in the review mirror. Maxine smiles deviously.

MOM

Just hush, now. We’re almost there.

They drive for a few more awkward silent seconds, then they turn into an industrial park.

RENEE

(a little demanding)

Mom, where are we going? What is this place?

Mom ignores Renee. No one sees the tear leak out of Mom’s eye and run down her worried face. She pulls into a spot in front of a low-slung generic brick office building.

RENEE

(reading sign on building)

Dr. Laura Bradley, MD: specializing in pediatric eating disorders. (turns to Maxine) You told her.

END SCENE

[Edward Lusk]

Hi George – want to exchange notes?

[George Verongos]

Absolutely, I’ll see you in the critique forum…

[Edward Lusk]

Hey 19, it’s over there now.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s QE Cycle #4 – First Draft

LOGLINE: Faced with a tight deadline, a successful business woman must decide whether to fire her assistant or not when the assistant leaks a secret.

ESSENCE: Maxine appears tough to protect her emotional vulnerability.

TRAIT CHANGED: Maxine’s paranoid trait changed to confrontational.

SCENE:

INT. PUBLISHING COMPANY OFFICE – DAY

MAXINE (50) attractive, tall, slender, successful publishing company owner is dressed in expensive clothing without a hair out of place. In her corner office with a spectacular view she sits at her desk.

RENEE (30) very attractive, sharp, average height and weight, perky, and impeccably dressed in a black suit, sits at her desk just outside Maxine’s office.

MAXINE

Renee bring me the mail. Don’t open it. Just bring it.

Renee quickly slips an envelope into her desk drawer before bringing the neatly stacked mail to Maxine’s “In” box. Maxine opens the top item.

RENEE

Good Morning Maxine. Here you go. Did you read my manuscript?

MAXINE

Not yet.

RENEE

I’ll get your coffee.

Renee walks out and returns in a few minutes with a cup of coffee, a note pad and pen.

MAXINE

Please shut the door.

Renee shuts the door, drops the note pad and pen on the chair opposite Maxine’s desk. She sees Maxine is reading a letter from a Private Investigator. She spills a little coffee on Maxine’s desk as she sets it down. She immediately wipes it up with a napkin and throws the napkin in the trash can. Renee takes her place in the chair opposite Maxine’s desk. She sits down straightens her skirt and brushes some lint off her skirt.

MAXINE

Do you have any idea why I received a letter from a Private Investigator?

RENEE

Uh, no.

MAXINE

Do you remember when I hired you I told you I needed someone I could count on and trust? If you did what I said you could go far in this company, and if not you’d be fired and your career would be over?

RENEE

Yes, I remember. I’ve done everything you asked and more.

MAXINE

I’ve been testing you with confidential information, and I’ve been able to trust you up until now. (beat) This PI, who I did not contact, says he may be able to help find the baby I gave up for adoption 30 years ago.

RENEE

That’s great.

MAXINE

When I told you, I asked you not to share this information with anyone. (beat) There’s only two people who know about this baby. You and one other person, who is dead.

RENEE

I was just trying to help. I thought you’d want to know.

MAXINE

You betrayed my trust and if the year-end report wasn’t due to the Board of Directors next week, I’d fire you right now.

RENEE

Thank you.

MAXINE

You’re still on probation and I’ll be watching you closely. What’s on my schedule today and any messages?

RENEE

A junior high school wants you to speak at career day. You’ve got a meeting with Accounting at 9 am, Sales at 10:30 am ….

MAXINE

(cuts her off)

I only go to Ivy League and prestigious private schools… tell them my schedule is busy, maybe next year. Clear my afternoon calendar and I need you to work late this week.

Renee returns to her desk as Maxine goes through the rest of the mail. Renee telephones her boyfriend JACK.

RENEE

(whispering)

I sweetie, I can’t make it tonight. I need to work late.

JACK (O.S.)

Again? Did you tell her you deserve to be promoted?

RENEE

No, I dropped some hints. It depends on her mood.

JACK (O.S.)

Let me know if you want me to bring you any dinner tonight. Love you.

RENEE

Love you too, bye.

MAXINE

Renee, bring me the accounting report.

Renee hands the report to Maxine.

MAXINE

Who was that on the phone?

RENEE

I was just letting my boyfriend know I would be working late. I rearranged your schedule as you asked.

MAXINE

What does he do?

RENEE

He’s an artist.

MAXINE

Is he famous or successful?

RENEE

Not yet.

MAXINE

If you want to be successful, you need to associate with successful people and not wannabe’s.

RENEE

I’ve been looking for my birth parents. (beat) Wouldn’t it be funny if you were my mother?

MAXINE

Not your mother, more like your father. I was Max before I was Maxine.

[Paul McGregor]

QE Cycle #4. Version #1.

Logline: Renee sleeps with her boss to get the promotion, but she’s betrayed by her outgoing personality.

Essence: Two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead.

INT. CUBICLE LAND IN A MANHATTAN OFFICE. MORNING.

RENEE, a young, attractive woman, is talking in hushed tones with her COLLEAGUE in the neighboring cubicle.

RENEE

I couldn’t believe I easy it was!

COLLEAGUE

Oh, Renee!

RENEE

And, you know, he’s not bad. For a gringo!

The two women giggle. MAXIME, in the next cubicle, has overheard everything.

MAXIME

Are you talking about me, again?

COLLEAGUE

Don’t be so paranoid!

RENEE

(In hushed tones)

I was telling her, I think the job’s in the bag! If you get my meaning!

COLLEAGUE

Who are the other candidates?

RENEE

No idea. They always keep it hush-hush. You’ll keep it quiet, want you? Both of you?

Maxime just nods her head.

COLLEAGUE

Of course! What happens in the boss’s bed, stays in the boss’s bed!

Renee and the Colleague giggle again.

The phone rings in Renee’s cubicle. She goes and picks it up.

RENEE

Yes, this is she.

Renee listens. Her face brightens at the news she is receiving. Colleague nudges Maxime and winks knowingly.

RENEE

Thank you so much for letting me know. Bye.

Renee puts down the phone and runs to re-join the others.

RENEE

I got the job! I got the job!

COLLEAGUE

Fantastic! So, it was worth all the effort!

RENEE

You could say that! (Looking at Maxime). Are you going to congratulate me?

MAXIME

(In a subdued tone)

Of course. Well done.

Maxime goes back to her cubicle just as the BOSS appears.

BOSS

Now ladies. There’s work to do. No more jabbering. Back to your desks.

RENEE

Yes, sir!

Renee returns to her cubicle, but not without casting a glance into the Boss’s eyes.

Colleague struggles to hold back a guffaw.

Maxime opens the draw of her desk. She pulls out a company brochure entitled, “Sexual harassment in the work-place.” She opens the front page and notes a phone number. She puts the brochure back and picks up the phone.

MAXIME

(In hushed tones)

Is this the confidential hot-line?

An hour later…

The phone rings in Renee’s cubicle. She takes the call, then slams down the phone. She rushes to her colleague.

RENEE

They’ve cancelled it!

COLLEAGUE

What are you talking about?!

RENEE

The promotion!! They say they need to do more background checks.

COLLEAGUE

Background checks? On you or on the boss?!

RENEE

Who knows?

Suddenly the penny drops. Renee heads for Maxime’s cubicle.

RENEE

Hey!

Maxime looks up as though surprised.

RENEE

Were you one of the other candidates?

MAXIME

What do you mean?

RENEE

What I said. Or are you just jealous?

MAXIME

What are you talking about? Let me get my work done.

Renee grabs Maxime by the hair and starts yelling at her. Maxime screams.

MAXIME

Help! Help! Get her off me.

Two male colleagues run up and pull Renee off Maxime.

MAXIME

You’re mad! I’m calling security!

Renee has to be restrained by her colleagues. The boss comes out just as security arrives. He looks at Renee as she’s escorted out by security.

BOSS

What’s going on?

RENEE

You’ll soon find out! If I go down, you’re going down with me!

Renee is escorted out as colleagues look on surprised. Maxime gets back to her typing.

END

[Ed Preston]

Lesson 17: QE Cycle #4: Write this Scene, V1

LOGLINE: An office birthday party goes wrong

ESSENCE: Best keep your personal life to yourself.

INT: 19TH FLOOR, FOX NEWS CORPORATE HQ, NYC, TUES 11:30AM

Renee, mid-30’s, white, cute southern belle, and Maxine, same age, black, curvy, gorgeous, inner city Chicago, both mid-level managers at News Corp, have just left a meeting where the HR department outlined their new employee initiative, “Allies for Inclusion”. They’ve stopped to chat in the wide hall outside the meeting room.

MAXINE

Can’t they just let us manage our groups without all this diversity nonsense? We spend more time trying to look good to corporate than we do making our numbers.

RENEE

But aren’t diversity and inclusion important? If we don’t deal with them in our own spaces, they’ll never be fixed in society, right?

MAXINE

(a bit sarcastically)

Oh, of course, but suddenly they’re the most important things ever! They sent us the program two weeks ago, so why the big meeting? Yeah, I know, to show us just HOW important. At least we get a catered lunch out of it. (looks at her watch) we have 5 minutes, let’s walk.

They start walking slowly down the hall.

MAXINE

I didn’t take this job to spend all my time tinkering with who gets promoted and who doesn’t, over things that have nothing to do with delivering the news, which, last I checked, is what we’re here for. And now they expect us to kiss bums of people according to where they land on some diversity chart they hint at but don’t dare publish. I didn’t bust my ass getting an MBA from Yale for this. And seriously, we get “points” for doing things to make sure every poor oppressed schmuck feels “valued in the workplace”?

RENEE

And don’t forget, 100 extra points if you’re the first to do something on the Positive Affirmations list!

MAXINE

Points? Positive Affirmations? What the f…? Sorry, I almost forgot you disapprove of using the f-word.

RENEE

Thank you. I appreciate that. Momma and Daddy didn’t bring me up to talk that way and I never seen the need for it. There’s other ways to get your point across.

Renee notices the VP of HR, Roger, hustle by with a cardboard box. She gives a cutesy wave.

RENEE

Hey Rog, excellent presentation!

Roger acknowledges with a smile and a nod and keeps walking.

MAXINE

Speaking of bum-kissing.

RENEE

You gotta do what you gotta do, kiss a few frogs and all that.

MAXINE

Speaking of frog-kissing that creep thinks he’s entitled to plant one on any woman in the office on her birthday, which is why I’m glad nobody here knows when mine is.

RENEE

I do.

MAXINE

I know. I mean besides you. You’ve known since we interned at Reuters. But you promised not to tell… remember?

RENEE

Like it was yesterday. I said, “I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone.” And I haven’t… But seriously, what’s so bad about birthdays? Everyone should have their own special day, right? (beat) Wait a second… Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in birthdays. Are you a Jehovah’s Witness, or a Mormon or something?

MAXINE

Neither one, and I think Mormons have birthdays, but don’t quote me.

RENEE

So why don’t you like birthdays? Don’t you like to feel special? (picks at a tiny piece of lint on Maxine’s blazer) You are special you know.

MAXINE

Oh, I love to feel special, but two things: I don’t like rooms full of people pretending they all like you when some of them would push you in front of a train for a promotion.

RENEE

What’s the other thing?

MAXINE

(pauses, looks troubled)

Nothing, maybe I don’t like bad memories. And don’t ask.

RENEE

(all perky)

Well, personally, what I think you should do is try to leave the past behind and learn to enjoy life. You know, like those people who are scared to fly but make themselves get on a plane anyway? Or touch a snake or something?

MAXINE

I’m not afraid to touch a snake, but when a snake touches me… (makes a fist and shakes it)

RENEE

(giggles)

Yeah, I know, eww!

They approach the function room with the catered lunch. LENNY, a co-worker, spots them and stops them at the door. Maxine looks puzzled.

LENNY

Not quite ready yet.

Then a voice from within says “Come on in!” Lenny swings the door open wide for Maxine and Renee and ushers them into a crowded room lined with people on both sides, at the other end of which is a table with a huge birthday cake, blazing with candles freshly lit by Roger himself, all teeth and rubbery lips like a caricature of Gene Rayburn, the old Match Game TV show host. And if he couldn’t look more idiotic, he’s wearing, over his shirt and tie, a huge t-shirt that reads “Positive Affirmations 2021!” The room erupts into a chorus of “Happy Birthday”.

At first Maxine looks panicked, but regains most of her composure as they finish singing. She stares at Renee.

RENEE

I didn’t breath a word, just wrote it down (makes a little writing gesture with her hand). Happy Birthday!

Roger takes out a tiny can of breath spray and makes a big deal of spraying his mouth… twice… He steps over to Maxine, leans in, and

FADE TO BLACK.

[Ed Preston]

SCENE REWRITE:

Trait changed: Maxine from Paranoid to Cynical nonconformist.

LOGLINE: A surprise office birthday party goes wrong

ESSENCE: Think fast and make the best of a bad situation.

INT: 19TH FLOOR, FOX NEWS CORPORATE HQ, NYC, TUES 11:30AM

Renee, mid-30’s, white, cute southern belle, and Maxine, same age, black, curvy, gorgeous, inner city Chicago, both mid-level managers at News Corp, just left a meeting where HR has outlined their new initiative, “Allies of Inclusion”. They’ve stopped to chat outside the door to the meeting room.

MAXINE

Can’t they just let us manage our groups without all this diversity nonsense? We spend more time trying to look good to corporate than we do making our numbers.

RENEE

But aren’t diversity and inclusion important? If we don’t deal with them in our own spaces, they’ll never be fixed in society, right?

MAXINE (sarcastically)

Oh, well said! Of course they’re important, but suddenly they’re the most important things ever? They sent us the program two weeks ago, so why the big meeting? Yeah, I know, to show us just HOW important. At least we get a catered lunch out of it. (looks at her watch) Ooh, in 5 minutes! I want first crack at the sushi! Let’s walk.

They start walking down the hall.

MAXINE (CON’T)

I didn’t take this job to spend all my time tinkering with who gets promoted and who doesn’t, based on crap that has nothing to do with delivering the news, which, last I checked, is what they hired us for. And now they expect us to kiss bums according to where people land on some diversity chart they don’t dare publish? I didn’t bust my ass getting an MBA from Yale for this. And seriously, now we get “points” for doing stuff to make every poor oppressed schmuck feel “valued in the workplace”?

RENEE

Don’t forget, 100 extra points if you’re the first to do something on the Positive Affirmations list!

MAXINE

Points? Positive Affirmations? What the f…? Sorry, I almost forgot you disapprove of using the f-word.

RENEE

I appreciate that. Momma and Daddy didn’t bring me up to talk that way and I never seen the need for it. There’s other ways to get your point across. “Ladies and gentlemen always!”

Renee notices the VP of HR, Roger, hustle by with a cardboard box. She gives a cutesy wave.

RENEE

Hey Rog, excellent presentation!

Roger acknowledges with a smile and a nod and keeps walking.

MAXINE

Speaking of bum-kissing.

RENEE

You gotta do what you gotta do, kiss a few frogs and all that.

MAXINE

Speaking of frog-kissing, that creep thinks he’s entitled to plant one on any woman in the office on her birthday (makes a disgusted face), which is why I’m glad nobody here knows when mine is.

RENEE

I do. I know exactly when it is.

MAXINE

I know you do. I meant besides you. You’ve known since we interned at Reuters. But you promised not to tell, remember?

RENEE

Like it was yesterday. I said, “I won’t breathe a word of it to anyone.” And I haven’t. But seriously, what’s so bad about birthdays? Everyone deserves their own special day, right? (pause) Wait a second… Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in birthdays. Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? or a Mormon or something?

MAXINE

Neither one, and I’m pretty sure Mormons can have birthdays. But don’t quote me.

RENEE

But why don’t you like birthdays? Don’t you like to feel special? (picks a tiny piece of lint off Maxine’s blazer) You are special you know.

MAXINE

Oh, I love to feel special, but two things: Who wants to be the center of attention in a room full of people pretending they all like you when half of them would push you in front of a train for a promotion. No thanks.

RENEE

Well, I wouldn’t mind. But what’s the other thing?

MAXINE

(pauses, looks troubled)

Nothing. Bad memories. Don’t ask.

RENEE

(all perky)

Well, personally, I think you should just leave the past behind and learn to enjoy life. You know, like people who are scared to fly but make themselves get on a plane anyway? Or touch a snake or something?

MAXINE

I’m not afraid to touch a snake. But if a snake touches me… (makes a fist and shakes it)

RENEE (giggles)

I know, eww!

They approach the function room with the catered lunch. LENNY, a co-worker, spots them and stops them at the door. Renee halts obediently, Maxine looks puzzled.

LENNY

Not quite ready yet.

(pause)

A voice from within says “Come on in!” Lenny swings the door open wide for Maxine and Renee and ushers them into a crowded room lined with people on both sides, leading to a table with a birthday cake, blazing with candles freshly lit by Roger himself, all teeth and rubbery lips like a caricature of Gene Rayburn, the old Match Game host. The room erupts into a chorus of “Happy Birthday”.

At first Maxine looks panicked and glares at Renee then quickly realizes she’s in front of a crowd and regains her composure. They finish singing.

RENEE

I didn’t breathe a word, I just wrote it down (makes a little writing gesture with her hand). Happy Birthday, Maxine!

Roger takes out a tiny can of breath spray and makes a big deal of spraying his huge open toothy mouth… twice… He steps over to Maxine, leans in. But Maxine beats him to it, grabs his face, plants a big smooch on it that lasts all of half a second, then practically pushes him away and turns towards the food spread out on a long table.

MAXINE

I’m ready for some sushi.

FADE TO BLACK.

[Amechi Ngwe]

QE CYCLE #1 – FIRST DRAFT

LOGLINE: Renee learns that Maxine is being blackmailed and sneaks her out of their party.

ESSENCE: Renee lied to Maxine about keeping the secret to get her in trouble with the media.

TRAIT YOU CHANGED: Renee’s PRISSY to DEPRESSED

SCENE:

INT. MANSION – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Grand and empty. The door bangs open.

MAXINE, 50s, hurries in, scared, and closes the door quietly behind her. She moves to the center of the room, head on a swivel, expecting to see someone. She’s clutching a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand.

MAXINE
Anyone in here?

No answer. She jumps as the door bangs open–

RENEE, 50s, enters. Ending a conversation with someone outside. Renee closes the door but Maxine has disappeared.

RENEE
Maxine?

Maxine stays low on the couch. Trying to hide. Renee moves deeper into the room, searching.

RENEE

I saw you come in here…
(Spots her)

There you are. You’re not hiding from us are you?

Maxine doesn’t answer.

RENEE
Maxine. This is your night! Everyone’s looking for you and I can’t keep singing your praises to them. They want to see your face.

RENEE
Do they want to kill me?

RENEE
What? No. We want to congratulate you.

Maxine’s lip trembles. Renee sees her pain and sits beside her.

RENEE
What’s going on? Is it the…?

MAXINE
You swore not to tell anyone.

RENEE
I know how secrets work.

MAXINE
Well, someone knows…

Maxine offers Renee the paper. Renee unballs it and reads.

RENEE
Oh god…

MAXINE
Who wrote this?

RENEE

This hurts me too. I’m your right hand in this charity. I’ve made friends with those people out there.

MAXINE

It must be one of those do-gooders out there who wrote this. The way they look at me.

RENEE
That’s just jealousy. They’d love to be in your shoes.

MAXINE

I can’t face them. At least one of them thinks I stole their money. Maybe they all know…

RENEE
I thought you put the money back?

MAXINE

I just had to cover some credit card payments. No one will understand that!

RENEE

I do. Life’s no beach for me you know.

MAXINE

Renee, I know life is hard, but you have no idea… no idea how hard it is to run a children’s charity! I have to smile, no matter how I feel!

RENEE

I get it friend. I’ll get you out of here.

Renee gets Maxine out of her seat.

Through the window we see A news truck drives up the pathway outside.

HALLWAY

Renee walks Maxine down the hallway away from the ballroom where well-heeled people are mingling.

RENEE

You know, when you asked me to do this with you, I didn’t hesitate. I love my job, but isn’t your position taking too much of a toll on you?

MAXINE

How would you feel? If some lowlife was trying to bribe you for helping sick children!

RENEE

Well, if the question is to confess what you’ve done or pay the bribe—

MAXINE
I’m not paying some scumbag who’s afraid of facing me.

RENEE
So you’ll confess? Go to the media?

Maxine scoffs.

MAXINE

I’ll confess to my lawyers. They’ll fix this, and whoever’s trying to kill me.

RENEE

Bribe you. Maybe just paying would be cheaper than your lawyers. How are you going to pay them, with your money troubles?

Maxine stays quiet.

RENEE

The kids comes first, right?

Maxine still doesn’t answer. They keep walking.

RENEE
And I thought you only borrowed a couple of thousand. The note says close to a million…

Maxine is near tears. She quickens her pace.

And they see a crowd of party goers ahead.

PARTY GUEST #1 waves and points at Maxine.

Maxine looks like she’s about to pass out.

RENEE
I was sure this hallway was empty.

Renee double takes at Maxine who is shaking like a leaf.

MAXINE

I—I can’t…

Renee steers Maxine for another door.

INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS

The Caterers are setting more food and drinks onto trays. They look at the two women, puzzled at the intrusion.

RENEE

(to Caterers)

Keep up the good work everyone! The food’s great!

The Caterers smile and continue working. Renee leads Maxine toward the back door.

RENEE

What would you even do with all that money? You’re rich enough, right?

MAXINE
Exactly. Theft is so far beneath me…

RENEE

The fact that someone would think that someone of your stature was unfit to run such a distinguished and revered children’s charity… Well, that just makes me sick to my stomach. The good work we do together in the name of love can’t be measured. And some no good disgusting dirt bag trying to end what we do… I can’t have that. WE can’t have that.

MAXINE

(defiant)

We are going to destroy them.

RENEE

Yes. It’s going to be fine.

Maxine wipes away a few tears and smiles through her pain.

MAXINE

It is going to be fine.

RENEE

Unless… this person knows more than they’re letting on. Were they right with the high dollar amount?

MAXINE

I didn’t do anything wrong.

RENEE
Of course not. Public perception is so important.

Renee gives Maxine a wide smile. Maxine has a wary look on her face.

MAXINE

We’ll circle back to that raise you wanted next week?

RENEE
Unless you pay that bribe.

MAXINE
If I pay it, how do I know they’ll stop?

RENEE
You’ll have to trust them.

MAXINE
I trust you.

RENEE

And I trust you. I trust that if you have the opportunity you’ll do the right thing.

RENEE
Goodnight, Maxine. I’ll take it from here.

The two women hug. Renee pushes open the door and bundles Maxine through, out into–

EXT. MANSION – NIGHT

Maxine emerges and finds herself surrounded by news reporters. A gaggle of cameramen, lenses like a gaggle of cyclopes, bright lights, cameras flash. Microphones are shoved in her face. And a torrent of questions–

NEWS REPORTER
Maxine, how could you steal from children?

NEWS REPORTER #2

Maxine, are the allegations true?

NEWS REPORTER #3

Maxine, did you steal from the charity set up in your dead husband’s name?

Maxine is shellshocked, but recovers quickly. She turns up her nose and puts on a smile.

MAXINE
I don’t have to talk to you swine!

Maxine turns, tries the door. It’s locked.

As the reporters bombard her with more questions.

INSIDE
Renee leans against the door, listening. A smile blossoms on her face.

OUTSIDE

REPORTER #1

Are you aware you will be facing criminal charges for defrauding a charity?

MAXINE

No… No comment.

REPORTER #2

What would you even do with the money? You’re rich enough, right?

And it clicks…

MAXINE

Renee…

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Renee looks at the caterers. She grabs a bottle of champagne.

RENEE
Who wants to celebrate my new promotion?

END OF SCENE