Lesson 18

[Rhonda Burnaugh]

Lesson #18: Descriptions that Deliver:

Scene in restaurant where Russell gives Seraphine an engagement ring. He proposes. Everyone is watching, waiting, as she bolts from the room.

Housekeeping enters Michael’s hospital room and pitches the napkin with Sera’s phone number on it.

Sacramento Airport: Joe hands the blue baby bracelet back to Gina and she responds that he (meaning MICHAEL) BELONGS TO HER.

Michael & Anni on the jet, flying to Maui. He is asking her questions, taking notes. When he gets up to join DJ in the cockpit, she picks up to see what he’s been writing about her.

Pg 30: Lean description of Michael’s home on Maui.

Grocery store: Anni is distracted by a woman and infant.

Fight between Michael and ex-Gloria. She threatens to blackmail him.

While he is in Malibu, Anni sneaks into Michael’s office and discovers a secret.

What I learned is I have done extensive editing and I believe it flows well.

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Hi – I completed assignment 17 but no assignment 18 in my email. When I click on #18 in Classes, it’s blank. (And by accident, as I was seeking a way to activate 18, I accidentally hit “completed.”

My schedule is overloaded…

(with two Afghans I helped escape the Taliban and landed in Richmond Va but need guidance for getting a job, a Greek American house guest waiting for a series of cancer diagnosis specialists so I gave her my bed and I’m on couch, a day-job consulting gig ready to start in 2-3 weeks, a stage director waiting to schedule time to give feedback on my revised script and oh yeah, plumbers, a blocked email password after a virus, fending off a would-be lover who seems very insensitive, etc)

…so I’m trying to get through the assignments and start an intense revision of my stage play based on this excellent course before I’m deluged more.

Tita (Beal) Anntares

PS And I really need help with directions. I write what I see in my mind and get yelled at by playwriting course leaders. Loved the video on how to look for the essence and cut paragraph to sentence, phrase to word. I needed SU assignment guidelines not just the solid examples on the video, (e.g., 1) the what/why of the assignment, 2) annotated examples of how others have done this, 3) sample assignment, 4) clear step by step instructions.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by  Tita Beal Anntares.

[Julie Dod]

Subject: Julie Dod’s Precise Description

What I learned doing this assignment is that I really need to do more research on what the description should be. From my Final Draft software, it’s suppose to be action. Is all the action my responsibility or the director’s? In the assignment, Hal mentions too much description about how the actor is feeling – so are we not to describe how the actor’s are feeling? Or just more succinctly describe it?

I did go through and tightened up every description, which in turn had me cutting two scenes, and therefore cutting four pages from the script, so all in all I think what I did was good, but I am not sure it’s all that needs to be done.

Thank you!

Julie

[Tita Beal Anntares]

Tita’s Precise Description – 18

What I learned

– This course has walked me through different ways to check my story and vision, make sure they are insync or change the beats, events, character interactions to align with the main story – or change the main story

– I have ended up with my script peppered with notes in bold about revisions to make from this analysis

– I also want to go back over my Assignments 1-17 to find revision ideas that still are valid (some may have evolved, changed or become irrelevant based on later assignments

– I can also describe the overall story much more clearly and easily… not just because of the useful strategy of writing revision notes for the Outline, rather than jumping into each specific revision and risking losing sight of the forest for the trees.