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Day 2 Assignment
Post your Day 2 assignments here!
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16 Replies
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Christina Parker
Because my script is a TV series 1 of 8 episodes 55min each The structure will be different from a feature.
Logline: When 14yro Connor finds a mysterious Egyptian box he unknowingly unleashes the Biblical ten plagues of Egypt on the town. Now Connor and his friends have to come against two bumbling criminals and their evil boss to stop the plagues before the last plague, “death of the first-born.”
Structure:
Teaser Opening – page 1 In 1890 Egypt an archeologist finds an ancient box and is going to America to sell it.
Act 1 (Inciting Incident) – pge 2 – 15 Present Day Connor and his friends find the box in an abandoned mine shaft.
Act 2 – (Turning point 1) – pg 21 – Ist plague of blood
– (Midpoint) – pg 30 – Tub & Gazza criminals want the box for their evil boss.
Act 3 – pg 33 Frog plague
– (Turning point 2) pg 45 – Tub & Gazza steal the box from Connor
Act 4 – (Climax) pg 46-50 – Connor chases the Tub & Gazza through frog infested streets
– (Resolution) pg 51 – 55 – Connor stows away in their van and ends up in the house to try and get the box but falls through a cellar door unconscious
By page 10 you know the boys will find the box in the mine. I can’t think of how moving around these structural scenes will make it better. They flow very well. I would like some advice from someone, please. I know it’s very hard when you don’t have the script.
What I have learned about structure is you can change the scene to elevate it. but it needs to fit within the page structure of the story.
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I, Christina Parker, have realized I haven’t finished, I got stuck.
After brainstorming a little.
I have found my turning point would have more impact if I hinted at the oncoming plague of blood. So, on page 17 when the boys sit down to look at the box one of the group could spill some bottled water on the ground, they then open the box, take out some of the statues, close the box and start to walk away, the camera shows the spilled water has turned to blood.
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“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” My screenplay, “Believe in Me” is, potentially, structurally sound. Need to feel where the crisis point is, though.
Main Conflict: Man vs himself: Bo, a paranoid schizophrenia, disability patient, discovers he has amnesia about his faith and 80s Music Composer Art Space.
9-Point Structure:
1. Opening: PASTOR KENNY, (40), re-introduces himself to BO, (40), after 25 years, but Bo doesn’t remember.
2. Inciting Incident: Bo finds he also has no memory of his music composer Art Space and music compositions from the 80s.
3. Page 10 – movie about: Bo’s lyric analysis project to recover his memory.
4. 1st Turning Point: Bo struggles to play on piano his music compositions.
5. Midpoint: Pastor Kenny provides Bo with books on the Catholic Mass and Sacrament of Reconciliation and Catholic Initiation to help Bo recovery his memory.
6. 2d Turning Point: Bo gives up on his medicine treatment.
7. Crisis: ???? Bo down on himself??? (at what page is the crisis?)
8. Climax: Bo and KAREN, (41), have an altercation.
9. Resolution: Bo performs his music composition, “The Making Of…” at the University of St. Thomas Chapel of Saint Thomas Aquinas.
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Hi Alfred,
I hope you don’t mind me giving you some feedback, but we all need some as we think we know our story very well.
I have a question about your 1st turning point. If we know that Bo is struggling with his memory how is Bo struggling to play the music compositions on the piano a major turning point? Remembering that a turning point is a major twist in the plot turning our hero around and going in another direction in Act 2. Just something to ponder.
The climax comes around the end of Act 2 generally. It takes our characters to the bottom of achieving their goal. It’s propelled by the turning point at the end of Act 2.
I hope that helps.
Christina
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Hi Travis just a thought re memory. There is plenty of studies which show that music is stored in different areas of the brain than areas which affect some common neurological memory problems, ie dementia. Could be accidents or trauma also. You check out on Lancet British Journal of Medicine, Mayo Clinic etc., ps could you please partner for feedback ASAP re beats logline thanks.
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What I learned doing this assignment is that it is good to go back to the basic plot structure to make sure the story structure still flows. Through the cliche busting process I came up with some good twists.
1. Tell us your logline. After Harper gets abducted by a dating app, Jake pursues her into a medieval world where soul craving doppelgängers challenge every step of his surreal rescue mission.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:
Main Conflict: Harper is risking her life undercover as The Soul Trafficker’s woman and Jake is resolved to save her before they Transcend the Gates of the Universe.
1. Opening: Mysterious abductions have Detective’s JAKE KARR and HARPER POOLE at each other’s throats, but when the mysterious AGENT PRICE theorizes the abductions are of Extraterrestrial origin and selects Harper to go undercover, Jake loses his cool.
2. Inciting Incident: Harper gets herself snatched by the notorious D-Date app seconds before Jake’s can stop her – Price was right.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Jake is getting made up in drag and going after her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Jake gets a date and finds himself in Sweladia, a medieval world of soul craving doppelgängers, where he is paired up with ATHENA, Harper’s Reptilian Doppelgänger, on a mission to bring down the Soul Trafficker.
5. Mid-Point: Jake comes face to face with CRONUS, the Soul Trafficker, his sinister Doppelgänger who desperately needs his soul. Jake and Athena escape and become the pursued with a bounty on Jake’s soul.
7. Crisis: Jake blows Harper’s cover and puts her soul, and her life, in jeopardy.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Cronus refuses to trade Jake’s soul for Harpers, it seems he has a plan to Transcend out of Sweladia as evil and Harper’s soul is the ticket. He doesn’t want Jake’s soul.
8. Climax: Jake inhales a power soul and he and Cronus fight the final battle. Jake prevails and almost kills his own Twin, but Athena stops him.
9. Resolution: Jake discovers self love and bequests his soul to Cronus and the two beings merge into one. He and Harper transcend into Andromeda, the party capitol of the Universe.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.
5. Mid-Point: Jake screws up once again and gets them caught by Cronus, but they inhale souls, disguising themselves as Earth women. Cronus smells a trap and locks Athena up and forces Harper to fight Jake (in disguise). When Harper wounds Jake, he tips his hand and jeopardizes Harper’s cover.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the
main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of
other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Main purpose is the change in direction of the midpoint. Up until now Jake wanted to kill Cronus and take Harper home but instead he learns that the Soul Trafficker is his doppelgänger, which means Cronus needs his soul and if Jake kills him his soul will be lost forever.
Jake fights Cronus and Athena stops him just before he sends sends his own soul to the lost and they escape.
Cronus doesn’t want his soul and banishes Jake to the underground for eternity, but Athena saves him.
Jake has a chance to kill Cronus but relinquishes it to save Athena (this would show a slight change in old ways.)
Cronus has Jake locked up and Harper frees him and tells him to scram or he will blow her cover.
Upon learning that Cronus is his Soul Twin, Jake want to kill him anyway and sacrifice his own soul to save Harper but Athena assures him it will not work.
Jake and Athena capture Cronus but Harper saves him to protect her cover.
Jake and Cronus fight it out, and when Jake seems to be getting the advantage, Harper intervenes and wounds Jake to save Cronus. Jake says something to make Harper realize it’s him and Cronus gets suspicious and strips Jake of his disguise. When all seems lost, Harper, at the risk of blowing her cover, causes a diversion allowing Jake and Athena to escape, but are now on the run with a bounty on Jake’s soul.
Jake and Athena spy on Cronus’ camp and it appears as though Harper is in fact Cronus’ woman. Jake reacts and gets them outed and on the run.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items
with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the
following:
Main Conflict: Harper is risking her life undercover as The Soul Trafficker’s woman and Jake is resolved to save her before they Transcend the Gates of the Universe.
Main Conflict: Harper is risking her life undercover as The Soul Trafficker’s woman and Jake is resolved to save her before they Transcend the Gates of the Universe.
1. Opening: Mysterious abductions have Detective’s JAKE KARR and HARPER POOLE at each other’s throats, but when the mysterious AGENT PRICE theorizes the abductions are of Extraterrestrial origin and selects Harper to go undercover, Jake loses his cool.
2. Inciting Incident: Harper gets herself snatched by the notorious D-Date app seconds before Jake’s can stop her – Price was right.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Jake is getting made up in drag and going after her.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Jake gets a date and finds himself in Sweladia, a medieval world of soul craving doppelgängers, where he is paired up with ATHENA, Harper’s Reptilian Doppelgänger, on a mission to bring down the Soul Trafficker.
5. Mid-Point: Cronus gets suspicious and strips Jake of his disguise. When all seems lost, Harper, at the risk of blowing her cover, causes a diversion allowing Jake and Athena to escape, but are now on the run with a bounty on Jake’s soul.
7. Crisis: Jake attempts a single handed rescue attempt on Harper but blows her cover when she refuses to abandon her mission.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: The mysterious Agent Price’s doppelgänger rescues Jake and informs him of Cronus’ plan to be the first evil Doppelgänger to transcend out of Sweladia.
8. Climax: Jake inhales a power soul and he and Cronus fight the final battle. Jake prevails and almost kills his own Twin, but Athena stops him.
9. Resolution: Jake discovers self love and bequests his soul to Cronus and the two beings merge into one. He and Harper transcend into Andromeda, the party capitol of the Universe.
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Hi PJ I know it’s a little late but do you want to partner up again and review our 9-Act Structure assignment 2.
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What I’ve learned doing this assignment: using the cliche busting process to elevate the story and scenes. It can come out with much more power and freshness. I also learned that my opening needs a lot of world-building and context settings, which need improvements.
Logline: A girl prodigy of China’s one-child policy pursues a triumph in the most important exam of her life, even though she is cruelly punished by her school and shamed by her family because she falls in love.
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Story structure BEFORE the improvements:
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Main Conflict
“Succeeding by submitting to an impersonal machine” vs “succeeding by standing up to the system and being able to rely on and understand yourself”
1. Opening: when Binbin goes on a summer camp to see the prestigious universities in Beijing with other top students in her high school, she and Jun finally confess their love and kiss for the first time, even though it’s forbidden.
2. Inciting Incident: Binbin and Jun sneaked out of study session to watch a movie. They get caught by the teacher and they are in big trouble. they are punished and shamed publicly, and not allowed to see each other.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: she needs to succeed in this exam, but when she chooses love she is going upstream against school and parents’ pressure and public shaming, risking all she had worked against.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Binbin stays distant from Jun under the public eye to avoid pressure. As they drift further, Dai approaches as a friend who shows support and care when Binbin feels most vulnerable.
5. Mid-Point: Dai’s attention wins Binbin’s heart, they get closer as Binbin and Jun drift apart. Dai revealed to Binbin that he has been diagnosed with cancer.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Binbin decides to break up with Jun. Out of jealousy, Jun beats the shit out of Dai in front of everyone. When the teacher called all the parents into a meeting, Binbin learned that Dai never has cancer. All is a lie.
7. Crisis: Only two months before the exam, Binbin is heart-broken and under tons of pressure. She grades is dropping. If this continues, she knows she is going to fail the exam.
8. Climax: Binbin told her mom that she’d like to leave school and study at home. When they go to the teacher and ask for permission, it hits major clash with the teacher and they had to fight to get approval.
9. Resolution: Binbin shuts out all external distractions and uses her own system to tackle her weakness. However, Binbin doesn’t have the highest score. Binbin takes a risk betting on the less obvious school to apply. In the end, Binbin was accepted into one of the most prestigious universities in China.
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Story structure AFTER the improvements:
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Step 2 above (going to see a movie) looks like a cliche to me, so I decided to change it to:
2. Inciting Incident: Jin takes Binbin to sneak into an airforce base. They use the airforce training equipment to have fun and slides down the theatre curtains. That was the most magical moment of Binbin’s life. Then they get caught because they get held up by the thunderstorm.
Step 6 above (boy beats up another boy) looks like a cliche, so I decided to change it to:
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Binbin decides to break up with Jun. Out of jealousy, Jun challenges Dai to a drinking duel in front of everyone. The hypocritic teacher didn’t stop them. Dai ends up in the hospital.
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Assignment 2
Aleta Rafton’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that by changing cliché the story becomes unpredictable with more emotional highs and lows. I feel like I could keep rewriting forever.
Logline: Hank, a 35 year old, timid computer specialist nerd, after becoming a stepdad to a young boy who hates him, changes to the confident heroic man he always wanted to be in the process of winning over the boy.
Main Conflict
1.Opening: Hank is removing ornaments from Christmas Tree
2. Inciting Incident: Hank touches firetruck and Jack snaps at him
3.The movie is about: Conflict Hank vs Jack
4. First turning point end Act 1: Garbage truck picks up tree with ornament
5. Mid-point: Hank goes on mission to retrieve ornament
6. Second turning point: Owl picks up ornament flies off
7. Crisis: Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball
8. Climax: Hank uses whip to swing out to grab ornament from owl
9. Resolution: Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament.
Revised Main Conflict Version 1:
1.Opening:Hank is removing ornaments from the Christmas Tree putting location tracker dots on each one as he takes them off the tree. Being overly cautious he created a device to prevent losing anything.
2. Inciting Incident:
Hank was putting a location tracker dot on the firetruck ornament and Jack snaps at him not to touch it, grabs the truck and applies the tracker dot then puts the truck back on the tree. It’s Jack’s favorite ornament that his dad gave him years ago. Jack and his dad were in the process of repairing it, touching up the paint etc, when his dad suddenly died so they never finished.
3. The movie is about: Conflict between Hank and Jack
There is a scene in Jack’s bedroom where he’s criticizing Hank to his friend for being a nerd, spending hours playing a stupid Indiana Jones video game and then snoops around his office using the drone Hank gave him for Christmas.
Hank is talking to Julie about how hard he tries to befriend Jack but nothing works
4. First turning point end Act 1: I’m not sure how to pick a turning point
Hank and Julie are dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie (mom) knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Hank returns to taking ornaments off the tree. Hank sees there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. He carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow (dog). The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
Jack realizes his firetruck is missing and runs out to the street to see the garbage truck driving away with the ornament dangling from the tree on the back of the truck.
Jack chases the garbage truck screaming at the driver to stop.
Hank heard Jack scream and runs out to see Jack chasing the garbage truck
5. Mid-point:
Jack yells at Hank who feels terrible and runs after the garbage truck.
Grandpa pulls up driving a sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Jack and Hank jump in.
They chase the garbage truck. Grandpa pulls up alongside the garbage truck. Hank tries to grab ornament off the tree but misses.
They lose sight of the garbage truck.
Hank reaches in pocket and finds his tracking keypad. Now they follow the navigation on the tracker showing where the ornament is going.
Tracker leads them to the city dump where they confront the escaped lion with the firetruck hanging from his mane. Hank uses his costume whip and whip training he learned from playing the Indiana Jones video game to trap the lion in a container.
6. Second turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops.
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation to One Times Square.
7. Crisis:
Hank and Jack run to the top of the building, find the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball. Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man and boy up there not knowing it’s her husband and son because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of man and boy up on a scaffold.
8. Climax:
Hank uses whip to swing out to grab ornament from owl but the ornament falls to the ground. Jack helps Hank back to the scaffold.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. They make a pact to not tell Julie about their adventure.
Finally home, Julie finds the ornament in her handbag. She thinks it was there all along before she left for work.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
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Revised Main Conflict version 2:
1.Opening:Hank is removing ornaments from the Christmas Tree putting location tracker dots on each one as he takes them off the tree. Being overly cautious he created a tracking device to prevent losing anything.
2. Inciting Incident:
Hank was putting a location tracker dot on the firetruck ornament and Jack snaps at him not to touch it, grabs the truck and applies the tracker dot then puts the truck back on the tree. It’s Jack’s favorite ornament that his dad gave him years ago. Jack and his dad were in the process of repairing it, touching up the paint etc, when his dad suddenly died so they never finished.
3. The movie is about: Conflict between Hank and Jack
There is a scene in Jack’s bedroom where he’s criticizing Hank to his friend for being a nerd, spending hours playing a stupid Indiana Jones video game and then snoops around his office using the drone Hank gave him for Christmas.
Hank is talking to Julie about how hard he tries to befriend Jack but nothing works
4. First turning point end Act 1: I’m not sure how to pick a turning point
Hank and Julie are dressed as Indiana Jones and his female sidekick for a New Year’s Eve costume party they are going to
Distracted by TV news story about a lion loose in NYC, Julie (mom) knocks the special fire truck storage box under the table while grabbing her bag to go to the news station to work on the escaped lion story.
After the news story segment ends on TV, Julie asks Jack to finish taking ornaments off the tree. Jack sees there are no more storage boxes for ornaments and assumes all the ornaments are off the tree. He carries the tree out to the curb for the garbage pickup.
Jack, down from his bedroom, is playing fetch with Shadow (dog). The ball goes under the table but Shadow comes back with the empty firetruck storage box instead of the ball.
Jack realizes his firetruck is missing and runs out to the street to see the garbage truck driving away with the ornament dangling from the tree on the back of the truck.
Jack chases the garbage truck screaming at the driver to stop.
Hank heard Jack scream and runs out to see Jack chasing the garbage truck
5. Mid-point:
Jack is berating himself for losing the firetruck. Hank who feels terrible for Jack runs after the garbage truck. Jack is grateful Hank is helping him.
Grandpa pulls up driving a sidecar with Shadow riding in it. Jack and Hank jump in.
They chase the garbage truck. Grandpa pulls up alongside the garbage truck. Hank is timidly hanging out of the sidecar trying to grab the firetruck from the back of the garbage truck. He just doesn’t have the courage to reach a little farther and he misses. Jack is disappointed in Hank because his action confirmed he’s a coward.
They lose sight of the garbage truck. They are standing outside the sidecar defeated.
Hank reaches in pocket and us excited when he finds his tracking keypad but it doesn’t light up.
Jack hands him the batteries he removed at home because he wanted to show his mom the tracker didn’t work and that Hank is a loser.
Hank is angry as they ride together in silence following the tracker to the city dump.
6. Second turning point:
At the dump, angry that they are always against him Hank grabs the tracker and storms off alone to find the ornament where he confronts the escaped lion with the firetruck hanging from his mane. Hank uses his costume whip and whip training he learned from playing the Indiana Jones video game to trap the lion in a container. Grandpa and jack arrive just in time to slam the container door shut.
Third turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Hank starts to blame Jack but stops.
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation to One Times Square.
7. Crisis:
Hank and Jack run to the top of the building, find the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Owl with ornament on top of NYC New Year’s Eve ball. Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man and boy up there not knowing it’s her husband and son because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of the man and boy up on a scaffold.
8. Climax:
Hank uses his whip to swing out to grab the ornament from the owl but the ornament falls to the ground. Jack helps Hank back to the scaffold.
Defeated they return home.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament. They make a pact to not tell Julie about their adventure.
Finally home, Julie finds the ornament in her handbag. She thinks it was there all along before she left for work.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
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Revised Main Conflict version 2:
Third turning point:
Hank grabs the ornament off the ground. Jack runs to hug him, knocking the ornament loose. An owl swoops in, grabs the ornament and flies off with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Jack screams in horror at what he’s done!
They all jump back in the sidecar following the navigation but it soon stops working. After a time they Grandpa decides to go home with Jack but Hank wants to walk home alone. They separate.
Grandpa and Jack go home and watch New Year’s Show getting ready for the ball drop.
Hank is walking slowly along when suddenly the tracker starts working and Hank runs following the navigation to One Times Square seeing the owl on top of the New Year’s Eve Ball that’s about to drop.
7. Crisis:
Hank runs to the top of the building, finds the owl with the ornament hanging from its beak.
Julie goes to One Times Square with the news crew to cover the story about a man up there not knowing it’s her husband because falling snow fogs up the TV camera lens so the image is blurry of the man up on a scaffold.
Jack and Grandpa see on news the story but they know who it is. They run to Julie covering the story to tell her. They all watch terrified when Hank swings out to retrieve the ornament.
8. Climax:
Hank uses his whip to swing out to grab the ornament from the owl but the ornament falls toward the ground.
Defeated he returns home.
Unbeknownst to anyone, the firetruck actually falls into Julie’s bag.
9. Resolution:
Hank becomes hero to Jack even though he doesn’t have the ornament because he risked his life to retrieve the ornament.
Julie finds the ornament in her handbag.
Jack asks Hank to help him restore the firetruck
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Aleta, I love this story. I like the first version better where Jack and Hank are at the top of the building together. I think this would cause more tension. Jack can also be in danger trying to reach to get the ornament. Maybe Hank can save Jack before he swings out to get the ornament. If you do it the other way and Jack and his mom are on the ground watching I don’t think it’s believable that one of them wouldn’t see the ornament fall and land in the purse. If it’s just Mom who is down below watching, she could turn back to the TV camera and that’s why she wouldn’t see the ornament land in her purse. Maybe it could even land in the hood of her coat, which isn’t on her head, but open laying behind her neck. I don’t think a news reporter would be carrying her purse while being live.
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I learned this great technique to identify and resolve structure problems.
Log Line: A 29-year-old, estranged from his parents, and soured on marriage from their divorce, struggles to cope when both parents end up convalescing at his home — his father’s amnesia prevents him from recognizing Jacob or his ex-wife.
Main Conflict: Jacob has to come to terms with and heal emotionally when his estranged family ends up living at his house.
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Opening: Introduction
to Jacob (11) and his parents Howard and Evelyn.
</div><div>Inciting Incident: Trying to win money to buy Jacob a
birthday present, Howard loses the family’s house and is too ashamed to
ever return to the family.Page 10: Present Day: Jacob (29) as an adult hasn’t
seen his father since and his relationship with his angry, bitter mother
is strained, at best. Their divorce has left him soured on love.First turning point at end of Act 1: Present Day: Howard,
now 59 is still in love with Evelyn and is going to her house to ask her
out. He falls and his head injury results in amnesia. Jacob is contacted,
as the next of kin, and he brings Howard to his home to recoup. Howard
doesn’t remember being married, having a son or fighting in Vietnam. He
believes Jacob is a kind-hearted social worker. The next day, Evelyn
arrives and demands to convalesce at Jacob’s from a leg injury. Howard
doesn’t recognize her. She plans to have Howard committed on “mental
issues” and pulls a series of shenanigans to make him look crazy. A single
physical therapist, Heather, visits six days a week to help Howard and
Evelyn. She and Jacob clash.Mid-Point: Howard’s kindness toward Evelyn causes her
to review their romance and marriage in a flash back.Second turning point at end of Act 2: Jacob goes to
Howard’s house to borrow tools. Sees his whole house is like a shrine with
pictures of Jacob and Evelyn and other furniture and things from Jacob’s childhood.
There is also a letter Howard had written to Evelyn explaining why he
left. Jacob brings Evelyn to Howard’s house and she softens when she
realizes Howard never stopped loving her and she sets out to help him
regain his memory and get him to propose to her again.Crisis: Howard overhears a conversation and erroneously
thinks Evelyn is marrying him for money. He runs away. Several days later
Jacob finds Howard.Climax: Heather is in a car wreck and this causes Jacob
to realize that he does love her.Resolution: Jacob and Heather and Howard and Evelyn are
getting married on a dock. Evelyn falls in the water and Howard dives in
to rescue her, reminiscent of a similar situation when they were in high
school. Howard recognizes Evelyn, his memory restored.The revision that I made was with the climax. Instead of Heather being in a car wreck I have Heather getting engaged to an old flame who unexpectedly re-enters her life.
</div>
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Anna Harper
Old Buffalo Hospital
What I learned from this assignment: I was shocked by my own short comings. I had blundered ahead without first scripting the structure. The exercise helped me see clearly where the story was headed.
Logline
A city girl and single mother is laid of from her social work job. Desperate to be a good provider for her son,she reluctantly takes a job in a Yukon bush hospital. The job is far beyond her skill level. Forging alliances in the village,she saves the community from a a drug dealing doctor, finds romance and engages in indigenous cultural practices to help her cope with extreme life changes.
Main conflicts
Sarah’s conflicts run parallel. Her internal conflict is not wanting to make changes in her life and environment. Her external conflict is the antagonist, a drug dealing doctor. He is part pf her new environment.
ACT 1
OPENING
Inciting incident.
1. SARAH WARWICK is laid off from her job at a seniors’ centre. Her boyfriend dumps her. SARAH’S parents phone to wish her Happy Birthday. After hearing of her job loss, they refuse to help her financially.
2.Turning Point 1
After the news of her job loss, her boyfriend dumping her and her parents being unhelpful, now desperate for employment SARAH reacts to a job fair advertisement for hospital workers in the Yukon. She leaves a resume and dismisses the idea as unsuitable. The next day she gets a phone call offering her the job.
3.Turning point 2
SARAH attends her birthday party at her friends house. Her friends mull over the pros and cons of the situation. SARAH is in a tight corner,however she does not want to go and live in a remote community. She rejects the idea of a job she has no training for; where she knows no one and the local culture is completely foreign to her. Sarah reveals the very lucrative details of the contract. She is still very hesitant and the group has many ideas about what is best for her.
4 Turning Point 3
SARAH overhears some nasty remarks about her son wearing secondhand clothes. SARAH decides to accept the contract.
ACT 2
5 SARAH and her son ELI arrive in the Yukon and narrowly avoid running into a herd of Buffalo. CODY a local man appears to help and escort her onward to the hospital. CODY indicates he is interested in SARAH.
6 Turning Point 1
SARAH meets the medical team and has her first run in with DR TEDDY SULEMAN who tries to intimidate her.
SARAH is informed by BONNIE her new assistant that SULEMAN is over prescribing and has a network of drug dealers in the wider community. SARAH feels she is in over her head. BONNIE invites her to a sweat lodge ceremony, and one of the junior doctors Dr. PAUL MURPHY invites her to supper.
7 TURNING POINT 2
The sweat lodge ceremony leaves SARAH feeling positive and revived from her stress.
8 Crisis
The hospital calls SARAH to advise of an almost fatal drug overdose of a young local boy.
SARAH agrees to attend BONNIE’S meeting of local people who want to plan a way to deal with DR SULEMAN.
9 Climax
A raid on SULEMAN’S office and home goes awry. A ‘mole’ in BONNIE’S house meeting alerts DR SULAMAN.
A violent confrontation in SULEMAN’S office results in a chase and shoot out. BONNIE sustains an injury and SULEMAN is killed, leaving behind a a many headed monster of others wanting his territory.
10 Resolution
SARAH’S fears about the safety of the environment for ELI and the trauma of the event cause her to doubt her future at Old Buffalo. She takes leave and heads off with ELI to Hornby Island to recover. SARAH is pursued to Hornby Island by DR PAUL MURPHY.
The decision to return to OLD BUFFALO is unknown at the end of the first episode.
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Screenwriting U
Lesson Two
Dorothea Bonneau: Screenplay outline.
What I learned. My logline did not accurately reflect my protagonist’s goal. When I revised it, the other pieces fell into place.
Purpose. Outliine.
(I have a shorter version, but this fully expresses the story I want to tell.)
Logline: The daughter of a wealthy African American plantation owner is torn between her social climbing mother’s desire for her to marry a prominent free-man-of-color and her father’s hope she will perpetuate the African traditions of her Diola ancestors. She longs to discover and to fulfill her own life- purpose and to feel self-worth.
OPENING
EXT: HEAVEN HILL PLANTATION MANSION: 1807. Sixteen-year-old ALEXANDRA DEGAMBIA improvises a passionate piece on her violin on the balcony that adjoins her lush sleeping quarters.
IN HER BEDROOM (which we see through the open French door) LULU, Alexandra’s sixteen-year-old serving maid, holds an exquisite ballgown up to her as she views herself in a full-length mirror. Ten-year-old JIMI enters. She quickly puts the ballgown away. He whispers something to her. She helps him hide behind Alexandra’s canopy bed.
HEAD OF HOUSE, MIRANDA, meets the DANCE TEACHER’S carriage. When the Dance Teacher has gone inside, Miranda motions for Alexandra to stop playing and hurry to the ballroom
INT: SLEEPING QUARTERS. JIMI pops up and scares Alexandra. Then he gives her a good luck piece he carved to help her succeed in her minuet lesson. He tells her their father has invited him to come to village and learn about planting. Alexandra confides she wishes she had been born a boy and could go with Jimi instead of learning to dance the minuet in preparation for her coming-out celebration.
Alexandra is punished by her mother and the dance teacher when she fails to learn the minuet.
EXT. STABLE: Humiliated and angry, Alexandra takes her violin and runs to the stable where she weeps and plays her violin for her horse, CABAI. Her mother forces Alexandra into her carriage.
INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. CARRIAGE: Alexandra’s mother tells her that she is going to sell Lulu and buy someone who can teach Alexandra manners. Lulu, born a slave, and Alexandra were born two days apart and suckled by the same wet nurse. They played together as equals until they were ten, when Alexandra’s mother insisted they assume their proper roles as slave and young mistress of the plantation.
Alexandra sneaks out of the house at night and goes to her Spirit Shrine in the Sacred Garden to beg Emitai, Creator of All Things, to help her find a way to save Lulu. Her AUNT MAMOU, a seer, finds her in the Sacred Garden and tells her that if she wants to save Lulu, she must treat her like a slave, as her mother insists. Then, her mother will give her Lulu at her coming out celebration and Alexandra can free her friend.
FIRST TURNING POINT:
Alexandra’s mother dies of consumption and her father is murdered by racists eager to seize Heaven Hill. Alexandra and Jimi are heirs to the estate. They try to run away so they won’t be murdered by the racists.
Jimi is caught.
Alexandra hides and watches as Jimi is forced into a barn which is set on fire. The slaves try to make the racists believe Alexandra was also burned to death in the barn, but they are suspicious. Alexandra starts to try to help Jimi when a Maroon (a run-away-slave who lives in a secret Maroon Camp) grabs her from behind and takes her to the Maroon village where she will be safe.
The Maroons arrange for Alexandra to be a French tutor for a child in plantation in another county, too far away from the racists to be discovered.
MIDPOINT:
While waiting for the carriage sent by the plantation owner for whom she has been hired to tutor, Alexandra is captured and sold into slavery. She is placed in a slave cabin where she meets JOHN FOWLER, a ten-year-old indentured servant who is despised by the overseer. John Fowler reminds her of her brother, Jimi. Alexandra befriends John Fowler.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
Alexandra vows to risk her life to help John Fowler escape certain death in slave quarters. She seeks redemption for the death of her brother which she failed to prevent.
CRISIS:
On the day Alexandra plans to help John Fowler to escape, he is placed in the stocks, where guards have been posted. He will be tar and feathered the next day, which will most certainly kill him.
CLIMAX:
After Alexandra and Jimi narrowly escape, Alexandra is able to connect John Fowler with people who will help him to travel 100 miles back to North Carolina where is family is located.
Denouement:
Alexandra turns down an opportunity to go to France and pursue her violin career. She chooses to go to Charleston and teach African American children, free and slave, how to read, how to write, how to make music, and how to preserve and find pride in their African heritage.
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Subject: Victoria Brook’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I have to restructure my entire script as my current script’s inciting incident is about 1/3 way in. I was told that’s the good part then it falls apart after that. It’s also good to have options. The more options I generated the more possibilities I saw to carve out something entirely different from the same situation.
Everything Changes
Logline: Ambitious, always-in-control tech sales superstar gets cancer. No longer in control. Facing death. Starts living. Everything changes.
Main Conflict: A successful control freak deals with something she can’t control: cancer
Opening: Emily prepares for an awards ceremony along with her boyfriend, Hugh. She’s interrupted by a horrible case of diarrhea which spurs a fight through the door. <div>
Inciting Incident: The
ongoing diarrhea is cancerBy page 10, you know
what the movie is about: Cancer
will change everything about her life.The first turning point at
end of Act 1: Rewind to how she got
to that moment
Mid-Point: Leaving her job and dealing with the fallout of chemo.The second turning point at
end of Act 2: Her boyfriend leavesCrisis: Alone with no one but her dogs, crying
and vomiting unable to shit and no one to call besides her too busy Dr’s
nurses.Climax: She cries
silently over the woman across from her dying of cancer and decides to
embrace her second chance.Resolution: Starting over on a trip around the
country.REWORKED AND BRAINSTORMED:
Main Conflict: A successful control freak deals with something she can’t control: cancer
Opening: Emily prepares for an awards ceremony along with her boyfriend, Hugh. She’s interrupted by a horrible case of diarrhea which spurs a fight through the door.
Main Purpose: Demonstrate the good and bad of her life. Different options:
Since
the movie uses voiceover, she could start off sitting on the toilet,
happy. Her boyfriend pounds the door which starts the passive-aggressive fight. We’ll revisit the toilet near the end. Bathroom philosophizing, I
mean what else are you gonna do there. Watch TikTok? </div>Clips of her
success/pre-cancer life intercut with her Dr. visits with no information provided to her and her resulting frustration.
Emily predicts how she’s going to close someone, then does it, smiling a knowing smile back at her colleague. She doubles over and runs out of the room as the client is signing papers. Her nurse calls back while she’s on the toilet, while a coworker makes rude comments in the next stall.Inciting Incident: The ongoing diarrhea is cancer. Different
options:The doctor breaks the news to her.
A cancer sniffing dog sits
down in front of her and starts barking.
The handler tells her.A colleague tells her about his 80-year grandpa who had similar issues and found it out was cancer.
Donated blood only to be told that they can’t use it because it indicates cancer.
Searched her genealogy to find out cancer runs in her family.
Her boyfriend jokes that she probably has cancer. One more reason to hate his ass. Especially when he turns out to be correct.
A person reads her tarot and gives her an ominous warning by pulling the death card.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Cancer will change everything about her life.
The first turning point at end of Act 1: Rewind to how she got to that moment
Option
1:The
binge partying lifestyle
The trashy fast food
The late nights studying
(or working) with takeout
Graduating the university
Repeat with title overs
20’s, 30’s, the 40sOption 2:
Toxic
relationships
Workaholicism
Constant disappoint with
fighting her heart to be responsible
The push-pull of her love
relationship with Hugh and the resulting heartache.Mid-Point: Leaving her job
and dealing with the fallout of chemo.Option
1: Stages of grief demonstrated in different situationsOption
2:The
push-pull of working while chemo
Weird reactions
Dealing with the physical
symptoms
Making sense of the
financial fallout
Bad sex and tiring
arguments.The second turning point at end of Act 2. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Different Options:
Her boyfriend leaves or worse yet,
He stays and resents her
even though he treats her like shit, he enjoys the public admiration as
he cheats on her and generally treats her poorly in private.He creates
“accidents” and makes the disgusting food that she won’t eat
then plays the victim that he does “everything” and she doesn’t
appreciate all he does for her.Crisis: Alone with no one but her dogs who stare in concern, crying, vomiting, unable to shit and no one to call besides her too busy Dr’s nurses, who are tired of hearing from her. She tries to find a
therapist but no one will return her calls. She sits on the toilet with tears streaming and attacks the toilet roll, creating TP snow, only to be left without TP because the rest of the TP is in the storage room.Climax: Emily meets another patient who reminds her of how great her life is because she has a second chance. Emily runs to the bathroom to cry for the woman dying of cancer. She embraces her second chance and finds a well of inner strength, probably with a mirror scene. I love mirror
scenes.Resolution: <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Different Options:
She starts over on a trip around the country. Taking pictures of unique bathrooms of the places she visits.
She comes back to her prior life, with a completely different attitude, which sets off an entirely new adventure as people react unexpectedly to the new her.
She sits on the toilet…happy. -
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” Following the 9 – Act Structure can lead to an all around stronger script and helps to point out what needs to be fixed and adjusted within the story.
HANK THE NATURE GUY
Logline:
A deserted nature guy with animal senses bonds with a wolf and nosy camp kids to take down an animal-smuggling ring.
Main Conflict:
Hank wants to live deep in the forest away from civilization to grieve his loss but a crooked Forest Ranger Captain wants him out.
“9-Act Structure”
1. Opening
Hank hears a gunshot not far from his old dusty camp trailer and finds an injured wolf. As he tries to help the wolf, the wolf bites his hand causing a strange animal like reaction, allowing him to talk to animals.
2. Inciting Incident
Hank misses his family and reminisces over a family picture. He flashes back to the day he lost them in a whitewater rafting accident. He feels worthless that he could not help them because of his fear of water. The sight of the camp kids and their beautiful counselor give him a since of hope.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
A band of blundering forest rangers try to kick Hank out of his home because he has over stayed his welcome in the forest but the wolf runs them off. The nosy camp kids discover the illegal animal smuggling ring and ask Hank for help.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Hank tries to help a gang of crazy animals from being smuggled but ends up getting captured and exiled from the forest. While Hank is away Forest Ranger Captain unsuccessfully hits on Shean the camp counselor.
5. Mid-Point
Hank accidentally saves the gang of crazy animals and sneaks back into the forest campsite. After just barely saving the camp kids from a hungry python, they reward him by introducing Hank to Shean their camp counselor but she violently runs him off.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Hank disguises himself as a paintball player and defends the camp kids from an embarrassing paintball war loss. The Ranger Captain being a sore loser forces Hank to reveal himself and gets locked up with caged animals.
7. Crisis
Hank reluctantly makes a change to his grungy appearance and transforms his useless way. He finally builds up the courage to confront Shean and ask her to help to free a camp kid which happens to be her son.
8. Climax
As the evil Ranger Captain’s animal empire crumbles he kidnaps Shean to get away, takes Hank on a wild chase and he is forced to face his biggest fear of water.
9. Resolution
The Ranger Sergeant arrest the evil Ranger Captain and awards Hank the position of the new Forest Ranger Captain. He is also allowed to officially live in the forest and Shean rewards him with a kiss.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by Marcus Dawson.
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This reply was modified 4 years ago by
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Fred’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is that by having multiple characters have different levels of insight and understanding regarding a situation, I can create interesting dialogue that creates conflict and offers exposition at the same time. This allows to move forward the plot at a faster and more exciting pace.
Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
Jesa, write of passage, Jin enters Grandpa’s patriarchy now that he is an adult. He is placed next in line to uphold the family’s traditions and business.
2. Inciting Incident:
Mother finds out about Father’s affair, blows the truth in front of Jin and leaves.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Will Jin choose corrupt loyalty and protect the family reputation, or seek justice for his Mother.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Jin moves out to side with Mother.
5. Mid-Point:
Jin confesses to the female relatives for help, finds out they have known all along but covered it in order to maintain Jin’s innocence and Grandpa’s vision.
Emma also tells him that he has a brother?
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Jin turns to his Mother’s relatives, but finds out that his Uncle is just another coward who abandoned his sister in order to protect his family. (maybe it’s because she eloped through cheating?, nah too extreme, doesn’t make sense, they need to have been separated through grandma’s death)
7. Crisis:
Mistress asks Jin for help in order to support her child, Jin’s half brother. Jin is reluctant because the son represents an alternative option for Grandpa’s family business.
8. Climax:
Jin exposes Han’s true nature in front of Grandpa by bringing the Mistress and her child to his home.
9. Resolution:
Grandpa almost has a heart attack and collapses. He has no choice but to banish Han for his shameful action.
10. Epiphany:
Jin reveals to his Mother what he has done. She explains that she never asked for revenge. In fact it was her who started this toxic relationship when she cheated on her former lover to marry Han.
11. 2nd Climax:
Jin brings Han to the Jesa in front of all the relatives and makes him atone. Jin leads the Jesa without Grandpa who hides in his room. Eventually he comes out and implements changes: including the women in the ceremony.
12. Resolution:
The mistress and her child are part of the family now. Jin reconnects Mother to Uncle at Grandma’s grave. He finds closure in belonging to two imperfect families.
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