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Day 2 Assignment
Reply to post your assignments.
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39 Replies
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Rae Rodgers – Logline & One Page
What I got from this assignment is a new enthusiasm to rewrite an A-lister script!
Logline: A woman marries during a first date knowing if her employer finds out she will be fired from her high-profile job.
One Page:
JESI JOHNSON’S father dies leaving a pile of IRS and medical debt in his wake, forcing Jesi to step up her highly competitive commercial real estate career, a field dominated by aggressive men, HENRY WU her main competitor. The IRS demands become oppressive, with ultimatums, forcing Jesi to adopt the cut-throat strategies of her male competitors.
Jesi’s father’s doctor, GERARD LEBLANC, falls hard for Jesi, asks her out, and during their first date proposes. Jesi says yes! At the same time they bump into Gerard’s friend, a minister who marries them on the spot, right there in the restaurant. He tells them their vows are binding but they still need a marriage license. Gerard pushes to go to City Hall next day but Jesi convinces him to wait until she cements her two deals. Her business takes off with the help of a family friend, Harold. She sells an apartment building, lists twelve units. Jesi’s broker JASON insists she remain single, refuses to employ married women because they prioritize motherhood. Gerard agrees to keep the marriage quiet for two months, that’s all, when he wants to tell the world. Meanwhile the IRS and medical accounts manager are pressing in on Jesi.
Jesi and top agent Henry put two deals together, form a love, hate relationship. He asks her out. She wards him off. But when two of Henry’s clients give Jesi their business, he paints her as a rookie who does not know what she’s doing. Gerard pushes Jesi to get the marriage license but instead she lists two new buildings. He gives an ultimatum that she ignores, and so he walks away. But Gerard also has a with-hold – he’s the father of a seven year old boy. Jesi works out a payment plan with the IRS, the medical office still pressing. Gerard loses resolve, calls on Jesi. They profess their love, make a plan to go to City Hall for a license no matter what. Jason learns of Jesi’s marriage and confronts her, but she’s now his top agent and he does not want to lose her. He lets it slip he knows Gerard, tells Jesi Gerard has a boy. The couple’s marriage license plans blow up.
Finally Jesi gets her priorities straight, agrees to meet Gerard’s boy, then hands her closings over to new partner, MICHAEL. The next stop is City Hall, before she and Gerard sail away on his yacht to honeymoon in Catalina.
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Mary Emmick Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this is assignment is the importance of elevating elements and brainstorming other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Logline: A coming-of-age romantic drama about a small-town high school girl during the time of Covid-19 who is set to marry her boyfriend and embrace her family’s conservative values. A series of relationships and events jar her out of her complacency as she is faced with racism, injustice and a new love.
One page:
Isabel is at the wedding of her sister Marjorie and Nathan’s wedding. She dates Nathan’s brother Tyler Cramer. The Cramer boys’ father is Walla Walla State Senator Ted Cramer. Isabel plans to settle down and marry Tyler and live a life of conservative values.
Isabel’s father is a wheat farmer, and her mom is a teacher assistant. They relax by watching conservative television and are against vaccines and masks. Isabel is a senior at Walla Walla High School. Her history teacher Mrs. Amy Andrews introduces the class to the Civil Rights era and discrimination.
She discovers that Tyler is cheating on her and that his dad is involved in campaign finance fraud. She breaks up with him.
Isabel makes friends with Jackie, a girl in her history class who invites her to a book club her mom leads. They are reading Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents. Isabel gets to know City Council Member Maria Gonzalez who is running against Ted Cramer for State Senate. She volunteers to help with her campaign and meets a boy Victor at a Town Hall who is supporting her campaign.
Isabel’s mom gets Covid and is intubated and put on a ventilator. Shortly after Isabel suffers a detachment of the retina of her eye. During recover she writes a song.
Tyler and Nathan steal campaign signs of Maria Gonzalez and set explosives inside Maria’s campaign office to ruin her chances to win.
There is a fire on the Zuccotti wheat farm and Isabel helps put out the fire by a heroic deed. Victor is arrested on his family’s vineyard by ICE agents.
In the end Victor is freed and comes home. Senator Cramer and his boys Tyler and Nathan are arrested. Isabel gets into the UW. Victor and Isabel go on a fabulous date. They kiss.
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Alice’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is as I had to face my very problem, I could not place Mid-Point and Second Turning Point, at the end of Act 2, I knew, something is wrong. But after listing all components, I quickly put it into logical position. I guess, METHOD does work, as I couldn’t do it though having correct scenes. I now believe my own story.
1. Tell us your logline.
Everything falls as cardboard box when small group of casted society descends into underground shelter for a century along snowfall, appearing at the epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:
Main Conflict:
Due to the ugly scientific experiment, conducted by one of despised caste of Disheveled, planet with Higher Caste leadership gets terribly destroyed.
1. Opening: View of Spinner from cosmic space. Magnet sees predicament in a dream. Maintainers disassemble Identifier, another kind of calculating machine we know. Silicium and Diamond arrive.
2. Inciting Incident: Snow falls. Everyone heads to elevator. They descend into their new habitation.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: This happens on another planet, with society having different standards and technology, casted into three, where they often wed their siblings if they are happen to be their caste, and they descend into underground habitation.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Place has an anomaly. That is akin hallucination. Kids won’t eat or sleep.
5. Mid-Point: Higher Caste installs Identifier to find info on their dwelling. Omnivol, Disheveled one, puts together magma and plaster, ever expanding matter, and discovers something in her research, so that she can now program it.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Star is put before Identifier to copy data for Stone, their friend, so that he would carry it to Slider, another planet in their solar system. Disheveled group create havoc to reach Identifier, but fail.
7. Crisis: Star discovers hidden conversation on Identifier, cracks the code, and they find out, future of Revozvrander is impenetrable. Zones become unavailable gradually, and their habitation is amid first ones.
Omnivol insists on all kids go down to basement, placement of Disheveled caste, kills Diamond and infuses her with concoction. Dead body of Diamond turns into dead but animated monster, which they plant into box, filled with ashes of massacred kids. Gilding witnesses it and loses her mind. Mindless now take her in their midst. Guards search underground, but can’t blame Disheveled directly. Keepers send Star with Battery info holder to Stone.
8. Climax: Omnivol is interrogated. One of Disheveled turns planting box upside down and monster roots into sand floor of habitation, rising on long stem up to the ceiling. Mindless insists Crystallon would touch it, as he proposed it. As he touches it, Thing starts growing, shoots and branches, catching at rock walls. It absorbs any organic matter! Electricity gets destroyed. Survived group of Higher Caste runs away taking elevator upstairs.
9. Resolution: Keepers go down, and find out, it now fills all free space of underground, and that Omnivol programed it for controlled growing. Lime pulls out programming card, and catastrophe insures. Habitation gets destroyed, and then planet. There are only ugly brunches in place of Spinner.
But Stone with all the Data with knowledge to preserve reaches Slider where society is at tribal state.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.
5, Midpoint, and 6, Second turning point at the end of Act 2.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the
main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of
other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Find Info
Copy Data
Crack the Code
Find Info main purpose is, they do install Identifier for a research, and then can grant Stone with All the Knowledge Data copied. As Data gets copied, Star notices a secret conversation.
If future is impenetrable, it is predicament, Revozvrander doesn’t exist in Future. This makes foremost importance to copy data for Stone.
Omnivol makes her discovery at night, and discusses this with Abalone Shell. Main purpose of this is, it brings to crisis, when she creates a monster, and culmination, when monster starts growing.
Brainstorming
Therefore,
It might be they first install Identifier to Find Info.
Then Quartz just talks to Stone over the phone.
Then Star notices a link, and cracks the code immediately, as she is a hacker.
So learn of areas closing for future penetration through time machine.
Then they do Copy Data of knowledge, given to them by Cosmic Civilization, of which they hardly use a fraction with their technology. Knowing, Stone can save it, bringing to nearby planet Slider, as that is also his desire, maybe.
For them that becomes a foremost importance. For that reason they let Omnivol to bring kids down and don’t press on her, searching underground. Basically, she consciously uses circumstances.
When they know Info is safe with Stone, who left Revozvrander by spacecraft, they no longer abstain from crossing Omnivol’s path.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items
with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the
following:
Main Conflict:
1. Opening: View of Spinner from cosmic space. Magnet sees predicament in a dream. Maintainers disassemble Identifier, another kind of calculating machine we know. Silicium and Diamond arrive.
2. Inciting Incident: Snow falls. Everyone heads to elevator. They descend into their new habitation.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: This happens on another planet, with society having different standards and technology, casted into three, where they often wed their siblings if they are happen to be their caste, and they descend into underground habitation.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Place has an anomaly. That is akin hallucination. Kids won’t eat or sleep.
5. Mid-Point: Omnivol, Disheveled one, puts together magma and plaster, ever expanding matter, and discovers something in her research, so that she can now program it.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Star discovers hidden conversation on Identifier, cracks the code, and they find out, future of Revozvrander is impenetrable. Zones become unavailable gradually, and their habitation is amid first ones. They start copying data for Stone, but this takes a time.
7. Crisis: Omnivol insists on all kids go down to basement, placement of Disheveled caste, kills Diamond and infuses her with concoction. Dead body of Diamond turns into dead but animated monster, which they plant into box, filled with ashes of massacred kids. Gilding witnesses it and loses her mind. Mindless now take her in their midst. Guards search underground, but can’t blame Disheveled directly. Keepers send Star with Battery info holder to Stone.
8. Climax: Omnivol is interrogated. One of Disheveled turns planting box upside down and monster roots into sand floor of habitation, rising on long stem up to the ceiling. Mindless insists Crystallon would touch it, as he proposed it. As he touches it, Thing starts growing, shoots and branches, catching at rock walls. It absorbs any organic matter! Electricity gets destroyed. Survived group of Higher Caste runs away taking elevator upstairs.
9. Resolution: Keepers go down, and find out, it now fills all free space of underground, and that Omnivol programed it for controlled growing. Lime pulls out programming card, and catastrophe insures. Habitation gets destroyed, and then planet. There are only ugly brunches in place of Spinner.
But Stone with all the Data with knowledge to preserve reaches Slider where society is at tribal state.
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Kathy’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is I can use the basic structure formula on any script.
I decided to use a different script, will put the one page on the assignment one page too.
ASSIGNMENT 1
Title: CHASING CULTURES
Logline: As a dangerous hurricane tracks northward, a rookie NYC detective uncovers a plot to blow up the UN building, financed by stolen antique art sales.
Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
The same as the inciting incident<div>2. Inciting
Incident: Detective Susan overhears man talking about a stolen tablet in a
Christie’s auction.3. By
page 10, you know what the movie is about: Who stole the antique art and
why?4. First
turning point at end of Act 1: Susan’s assigned the case. Follows the
trail, traces fingerprints, finds one off the thieves. Interrogates him,
has to let him go. Not enough proof since he is an airline employee. (turning point one, a major twist,
everything has changed in some major way and the major conflict has been
set into motion.)5. Mid-Point:
Thief tells the mob boss about Susan. They sideswipe her on a highway but she’s
not hurt. (midpoint: A
major revelation. A twist has occurred that opens the eyes of the protagonist.)6. Second
turning point at end of Act 2: Gun fight with the thieves. Man holds her
wife, threatens to shoot her. Susan puts down her M16 as asked but has a
handgun hidden behind it. Hit man dies, wife runs into Susan’s arms. Finds
stolen painting from LGA cargo plus more antiques. Finds invoices with the
rug store letterhead. Finds a note that mentions a bomb. (turning point 2: Major
setback, looks like all hope is lost. At this point, the protagonist has
to change to achieve his or her goal. They have to accept that their way of
doing things just won’t work anymore.)7. Crisis: Susan interrogates the store owner, beats him up. Finds guns and ammunition stored in carpet rolls. Finds photos of the UN building. Finds phone numbers and lists of men’s names. All have Middle Eastern names. ( Crisis means decision or dilemma, the do-or-die moment, that last chance where the protagonist must gather all their strength, ingenuity, resourcefulness, and courage. This scene is the point where the Protagonist has to decide the issue that began at the Inciting Incident.)
8. Climax: Susan realizes an attack could be in motion so she heads to the UN. Hurricane winds pummel the streets.(start of the CLIMAX , the biggest conflict. The protagonist and antagonist come face to face for the showdown.) A dozen terrorists with guns surround one hundred cowering hostages in the middle of the Hall. A long fight scene ends with terrorists in handcuffs, the hostages are free, and the bomb, discovered after a frantic search of the building, was in a basement storage closet.
9. Resolution: The bomb is neutralized. Papers found in the terrorists homes showing bribes paid to art dealers and to the director of Christies. Susan interviews the director who confesses and asks for clemency. Susan interviews the mayor who doesn’t. The mayor is arrested. The director is given probation. The tablet goes back to the museum in Iraq. Susan and her wife attend the Christie’s auction. They clink flutes with the director. (The resolution gives us an answer to the question that the Inciting Incident asked. It tells us how this conflict will finally be resolved.)
Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate. Separating that one item out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
A. Does it fit the purpose/meaning that is important to me?
B. Is it a significant departure from the cliché scene?
C. Does it accomplish the purpose in a fresh and surprising way that
will entertain audiences?Ideas: I had a male detective overhearing a conversation about stolen art. Changed it to a female detective. Researched stolen art, read about an actual theft of an ancient clay tablet with the story of Gilgamesh incised on it so decided to use it.
Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:
Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
Iraq war, fighting in the streets. Thieves break into the National Museum
in Bagdad and steal an ancient clay tablet with the story of Gilgamesh
incised on it. </div><div>2. Inciting
Incident: Detective Susan overhears man talking about a stolen tablet in a
Christie’s auction.3. By
page 10, you know what the movie is about: Who stole the antique art and
why?4. First
turning point at end of Act 1: Susan’s assigned the case. Follows the
trail, traces fingerprints, finds one off the thieves. Interrogates him,
has to let him go. Not enough proof since he is an airline employee. (turning point one, a major twist,
everything has changed in some major way and the major conflict has been
set into motion.)5. Mid-Point:
Thief tells the mob boss about Susan. They sideswipe her on a highway but she’s
not hurt. (midpoint: A
major revelation. A twist has occurred that opens the eyes of the protagonist.)6. Second
turning point at end of Act 2: Gun fight with the thieves. Man holds her
wife, threatens to shoot her. Susan puts down her M16 as asked but has a
handgun hidden behind it. Hit man dies, wife runs into Susan’s arms. Finds
stolen painting from LGA cargo plus more antiques. Finds invoices with the
rug store letterhead. Finds a note that mentions a bomb. (turning point 2: Major
setback, looks like all hope is lost. At this point, the protagonist has
to change to achieve his or her goal. They have to accept that their way of
doing things just won’t work anymore.)7. Crisis: Susan interrogates the store owner, beats him up. Finds guns and ammunition stored in carpet rolls. Finds photos of the UN building. Finds phone numbers and lists of men’s names. All have Middle Eastern names. ( Crisis means decision or dilemma, the do-or-die moment, that last chance where the protagonist must gather all their strength, ingenuity, resourcefulness, and courage. This scene is the point where the Protagonist has to decide the issue that began at the Inciting Incident.)
8. Climax: Susan realizes an attack could be in motion so she heads to the UN. Hurricane winds pummel the streets.(start of the CLIMAX , the biggest conflict. The protagonist and antagonist come face to face for the showdown.) A dozen terrorists with guns surround one hundred cowering hostages in the middle of the Hall. A long fight scene ends with terrorists in handcuffs, the hostages are free, and the bomb, discovered after a frantic search of the building, was in a basement storage closet.
9. Resolution: The bomb is neutralized. Papers found in the terrorists homes showing bribes paid to art dealers and to the director of Christies. Susan interviews the director who confesses and asks for clemency. Susan interviews the mayor who doesn’t. The mayor is arrested. The director is given probation. The tablet goes back to the museum in Iraq. Susan and her wife attend the Christie’s auction. They clink flutes with the director. (The resolution gives us an answer to the question that the Inciting Incident asked. It tells us how this conflict will finally be resolved.)
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Janeen’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that I should read the directions through once before doing it. I overwrote my Main Conflict with my changes and am too lazy to try to figure out what they were before.
Special Ops Santa — Action/Comedy
Logline: A mall Santa rescues the President’s parents from a rogue FBI agent while their sexy Secret Service agent is in hot pursuit.
Main Conflict:
Opening: Nick has a nightmare about the war. His PTSD dog, a teacup poodle wakes him.
Inciting Incident: Nick, a mall Santa, hears a gunshot and runs after the guy he saw pulling out a gun. <div>By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Nick finds the Secret Service agent, Ivy, has been killed and thrashes 2 of the bad guys.
First turning point at the end of Act 1: Nick has battled and beaten the other 3 bad guys, gotten the parents out of the mall and into his car. The FBI guy is calling for all law enforcement agencies to catch him.
Mid-Point: Having changed cars, clothes, Nick is heading to a lakeside cabin in Iowa to hide until he can figure out what to do. He is still working alone. The bad guys have told the President they have his parents and will kill them if he doesn’t meet their demands. Ivy is following Nick.
Second Turning Point: Nick stops at a Service Plaza and outsmarts the bad guys, beating them up again. Ivy has the bad guys’ car electronically killed. She finds they’ve been following Nick using the FBI radio he took. Nick leaves the service plaza, but realizes he is being followed by the bad guys.
Crisis: Nick, Ivy and the parents are captured by the bad guys. They manage to escape by moving from cabin, but the manhunt looking for them is now going house to house.
Climax: In a major fight, Nick, Ivy and the parents booby trap the cottage there are in, prepared for the fight of their lives. They win, but the PTSD dog is believed to be a casualty.
Resolution: The PTSD dog is still alive and the bad guys are dead or in custody. It is safe to take the parents to the White House for Christmas Eve.
10. The Mid-Point could probably use a bigger change in Nick’s circumstances. Currently, he doesn’t realize how the FBI can figure out how to find him.
11. The purpose is to show that Nick has used good and clever tactics, but it hasn’t been enough. He is still acting alone and it isn’t working.
12. Oops! I made the changes to the original structure above.
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Hi, Janeen.
I think your SPECIAL OPS SANTA concept is a really fun idea for a story!
One thing that came to my mind as I read through your outline:
Can you weave in some more Christmas-y situations into the scenes, since the story takes place at that time of year?For example, could there be a chase scene with gunfire, hand-to-hand combat, etc where elaborate neighborhood Christmas displays get trashed, or maybe even used somehow in a battle?
Or, perhaps Nick has a chance to share some tender moments with the First Parents while they are separated from their family — maybe they make homemade gifts that they bring to the final scene at the White House?
I’m just spitballing here. The above ideas may not work at all, but I hope my comments are helpful.
Best,
Pamela
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Thanks, Pamela,
All of the fight scenes make use of improvised weapons from holiday decor or, in the early scenes at the mall, from mall cart tchotchkes, Christmas trees, a manger scene, etc.
I haven’t used outdoor holiday displays much, but will definitely do so in the two I still have left to write.
Thank you for the feedback!
Janeen
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You’re welcome!
I look forward to seeing more of your SPECIAL OPS SANTA posts as we go thru class.
Cheers,
Pam
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Bob’s Logline & Basic Structure
What I learned during this assignment was moving away from initial choices can prove to be difficult.
Logline: When a married couple undergoing training to recognize each other in future lives die prematurely, the reincarnated husband must convince his reincarnated wife she is his soulmate before she marries her fiancé in less than a week.
OPENING: Martin and Amanda Cole celebrate their tenth anniversary at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade in New York in 1987. Amanda believes she and Martin have been married in past lives, but Martin is a skeptic. Nonetheless, Martin gets a strange sense of déjà vu when he opens Amanda’s present – a pocket watch previously inscribed.
INCITING INCIDENT: Martin decides, as a gift to Amanda, to hire a psychiatrist for performs progressive therapy to train Amanda and him to find each other in their next life.
BY PAGE 10: Martin is determined to provide a path so he and Amanda find each other life after life.
FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE: Martin and Amanda die in a traffic accident in the Lincoln Tunnel. Their training to find each other in their next life is incomplete.
MID-POINT: Jeff Ash (Martin Cole reincarnated twenty-five years later) has met Rebecca Diamond (Amanda Cole reincarnated twenty-five years later) at her bachelorette party and has an unshakable feeling she is his soulmate. At the mid-point Jeff has found the pocket watch from the Opening Scene and reconnects with the psychiatrist who recognizes Jeff as his former patient, Martin. Jeff is now completely convinced he must connect with his soulmate, Rebecca.
SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT TWO: Since the Mid-Point, Jeff has failed at convincing Rebecca she is Amanda even after showing her several “proofs.” He has asked her to visit Amanda’s mother, now in a nursing home, hoping this would convince her, but Rebecca has refused his request to do so. Jeff visits Amanda’s mother one more time and sees Rebecca is there. Rebecca tells Jeff she is sorry, but Amanda’s mother didn’t trigger anything. Rebecca says good-bye to Jeff for good and moves on with her planned wedding.
CLIMAX: Jeff meets Sally who behaves as though she is his soulmate. Sally knows things about Jeff’s past as Martin only Amanda would know. Jeff is confused until he discovers pictures and a collection of index cards outlining the details of Martin’s and Amanda’s life. Sally is a fraud hired by Rebecca’s fiancé to distract Jeff.
RESOLUTION: Thanksgiving Day and the Macy’s parade. While Jeff tracks down the old psychiatrist who is now working with Rebecca’s fiancé to order to find out where the wedding has been moved to, Rebecca proceeds to her wedding venue crossing the parade route in a repeat of the Opening Scene. Jeff gets to the church too late to stop the wedding, but Rebecca has called it off. Jeff returns to the diner where Martin and Amanda celebrated their tenth anniversary. Rebecca shows up and repeats a line spoken by Martin in the Opening Scene.
For second attempt – revise Second Turning Point and Climax to have Jeff be the one to give up Rebecca because he wants the best for her.
SECOND TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT TWO: Jeff meets Sally who behaves as though she is his soulmate. Sally knows things about Jeff’s past as Martin only Amanda would know. Jeff is confused and unsure as to whether Rebecca is his soulmate, but he knows he loves her. Paramount to Jeff is his not wanting to hurt Rebecca. Jeff leaves Sally’s apartment and wanders about collecting his thoughts. Jeff comes upon Rebecca and her wedding party coming from their rehearsal dinner. Jeff approaches Rebecca and congratulates her on her marriage and retreats to his own life.
CLIMAX: Jeff returns to Sally. Jeff is still confused and unsure if Sally is his actual soulmate. The feeling he had with Rebecca isn’t there. Looking for a drink in Sally’s kitchen, Jeff discovers pictures and a collection of index cards outlining the details of Martin’s and Amanda’s life. Sally is a fraud hired by Rebecca’s fiancé to distract Jeff.
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Hi Robert,
I really love your story. It’s incredibly romantic!
One of my favorite movies is 50 FIRST DATES, where the Protagonist has to make a woman fall in love with him EACH time they meet. There’s something about your story that gives me that same warm feeling.
In reviewing your Structure Points, I actually like both versions. Tough to say which is better, but perhaps the 2nd is less “familiar.”
Looking forward to learning more about it as we go through class.
Best,
Pamela
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Hi Pamela,
Thank you for your comments. I will rewatch “50 First Dates” as it’s been a while since I last saw it.
I have read your Assignment and will be posting some comments on your story as well
Thanks again,
Bob
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50 FIRST DATES is a silly Adam Sandler Comedy, but still quite romantic in my opinion. The final scene always gives me chill-bumps.
What is your story’s genre, Drama?
Best,
Pam
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Pamela,
This is to be a romantic comedy. I haven’t had a chance to rewatch “50 First Dates” yet but I plan to do so soon.
Thanks again,
Bob
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This story has potential. I really like that it’s not a HEA Happily Ever After ending. Just make sure the ending is satisfying for the audience.
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Subject: Tom Adams Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned from this exercise:
To tell the story clearly and concisely, I needed to throw a lot of junk overboard, which implies to me that it probably didn’t have a place in the script to begin with.
Log Line:
A Jewish woman grad student from Boston plunges into the drastically different culture of living on an army base in the deep south and must find purpose for the six years of her black husband’s contract.
Main Conflict:
Maggie’s life has been put on hold and she hates being where she now lives (fish out of water) but cannot leave until her new husband (Andrew) finishes his tour of duty.
Opening:
Arriving on base, Maggie sees a child having a potentially fatal seizure and races her husband, a licensed pediatrician, to the scene to save the child. The neighbors and parents are applauded that this black man is doing CRP with their white child with no protective devices. MPs arrive and arrest this black man, only to learn that he is Captain Andrew Westbrook, reporting for duty.
Inciting Incident:
Maggie and Andrew meet two obnoxious neighbors, Grace and Hawk. Hawk is also a Captain and informs Andrew that although he was promised that he would be resident at the base hospital serving children of military families, his superior, the evil Major Dunbar, has him slotted to join a medical unit in Africa
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Maggie attends a reception for local wives, sets off on a terribly wrong foot, and realizes that she has to live with these people for a long time while deserted by her husband.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Andrew deploys and Maggie is on her own.
Mid-Point:
Everyone has it in for Maggie. She’s too urban, too Jewish. She can’t get a job. She’s been squeezed out of local society. Oddly enough, it’s Grace who befriends her and helps her navigate around her troubles. And overseas, Andrew and Hawk are ordered to administer a vaccine that has never been approved by the FDA. He soon learns that it is being used for off-label testing on unknowing patients.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Snooping around, Andrew is caught and, while saving Andrew’s life, Hawk is killed. Stateside, to keep from going nuts, Maggie starts an enterprise which employs military spouses at good wages and makes major contributions to the community.
Crisis:
Grace holds Maggie and Andrew responsible for Hawk’s death. Andrew faces a court martial which may remove all his rank, income and pensions and incarcerate him for many years.
Climax:
Andrew learns that Dunbar is a major stockholder in the pharma company and had everything to gain if the drug was a success. He uses this information to blackmail an honorable discharge with all the benefits. At home, Maggie is at a bar with friends and starts to drive home. Just as a barreling semi is about to smash into her, Grace pulls her car in the path of the truck, saving Maggie, but killing Grace.
Resolution:
With the honorable discharge, Andrew and Maggie can move on after only ten months in the service. However, the enterprise has grown a great deal and Maggie has a purpose now and doesn’t want to leave.
Elsewhere, on another military base, Grace and Hawk move into officers quarters. We learn that they are angels, put there to protect military families, one family at a time.
CLICHÉ BASHING Snooping around, Andrew is caught and Hawk is killed
· Ugandan mercenaries protecting the drugs could open fire, kill Hawk and capture Andrew.
· Running away from their recon mission, Hawk might throw a trip wire and blow himself up.
· Showing locals that the vaccine is safe, Hawk might administer it to himself and die from it.
· Hawk and Andrew might steal a truckload of the vaccine and the truck hits a landmine.
· Andrew and Hawk might be hiding among the drugs when a rebel mortar attack takes out the entire storage tent, which has the added benefit of ending the ad-hoc drug trial.
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Tom,
Just a few things to think about.
If you write this, you have to understand there are many fixed facts and protocols about the military you may not be aware of. Here are some thoughts:
Officers sign contracts for their service. They would need a good reason for being discharged before the six-year minimum if I am correct. They stay in their lanes if they want to succeed.
Do not confuse officer roles and enlists. They are distinctively different in many ways.
You will need to be able to show their lane and how they might step out of it for the overall good. That makes an excellent story, but you have to know a lot of minor facts, or you will be writing a B-movie a lot of people will know can’t be true and why.Military people, in general, cannot in any way, shape, or form outwardly harbor any old racist ideas. Be sure they would be found out if they did. We, military members, depend on each other. Our teams are our battle buddies that will save our ass if we get into trouble and visa-versa. So outward racist ideals within a group are long gone. We learn to look at the person and force ourselves to overlook that another is not our race. A person’s character depends on whether you can count on them to do their job or not is earned, but once in, there are no race issues unless your honor is lacking and you hide it well. I guess what I am driving at is try not to disrespect the military for the sake of a story. Show this is a small few that hold their racist beliefs extremely close while the main body is color blind and work well together.
Officers and enlisted have two completely different lives. You will need to show the separation. There are infantry officers familiar with recon procedures, but doctors would be fish out of water, and you would need to show that by having them mess up doing basic 101 recon. Maybe you can have them hook up with seasoned combat medics or special forces in Africa and stumble behind them as they lead the way to expose this plot. That could be a lot of fun. Hawk-Eye Pierce meets super Medic GI Joe. My son teaches medics at Fort Sam Houston, San Antonio. Ha-ha, So you are hitting close to home for me.
So, you can write this story but be aware you could inadvertently disrespect the military if you are not careful with facts and lanes. If you want to write a class act script. It can make sense there could be insiders that help a company illegally test their meds before they pass them on to the FDA for approval. And finally, we do have angels among us but remember they are God’s tools and would not be too wild. LOL Touched By an angel did a great job representing their lane.
These are my overall ideas. I hope they help.
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Excellent input, thank you, Neil. I have so much to learn! More later, but I appreciate your input very much.
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Johnny Cullen’s Basic Structure Version 1.
What I learned from this is that by returning to the outline stage you can plot out your story relatively easily and restructure issues with simple problem-solving.
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
Main Conflict: Diarmuid must enter a video game competition to earn funds to save his father from prison and avoid taking custody of his estranged half-sister Maeve.
Opening: Diarmuid (12), 2002 competes in the Emerald Fist doubles gaming competition, He is Traumatized By Losing To Marcus With Friend Kevin By Cheating With Stepfather Present. We Flashforward to Diarmuid As a Failed Influencer Craving Adoration.
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When Diarmuid is summoned to his half-sister’s Maves Birthday, we find out that his stepfather Richard is in the process of being arrested for Fraud and Deception. He is confronted by Richard’s solicitors that he will take full custody of Maeve unless Richard pays back his balance of fraud.
Diarmuid tries every opportunity for money (Loan/borrow from old friends etc) even tries to contact old friend Kevin (now a successful entrepreneur) but to no avail. Diarmuid notices Emerald Fist competition (doubles only) with prize fund enlists with Maeve in a desperate attempt.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and everything is going well. They enter the competition and win a few rounds. Maeve gets her first-period mid-way through a game – Diarmuid offers support, they bond as siblings.
Diarmuid realizes old friend Kevin has teamed up with Rival Marcus. Diarmuid and Maeve play them and lose. Diarmuid blames Maeve. Tells her about the situation and how he doesn’t want to take custody of her. Diarmuid gets a promising job offer that could allow him to find his fame and adoration as an influencer. They are still in loser brackets and Diarmuid enjoys the fame he is getting through the live streams.
Maeve, distraught and angry, is desperate to win to get her father back. She decides to cheat behind Diarmuid’s back. They enter the loser brackets and begin to start winning, Diarmuid is connecting with Maeve again as she is boosting his ego. They manage to make it to the final again for a rematch with Kevin and Marcus
It becomes clear during the final showdown that Maeve is Cheating. Diarmuid realizes that Maeve will be publicly humiliated so in a desperate attempt to save her he admits to cheating publicly knowing it will destroy his image.
Richard goes to court to face the music. However, Marcus (Diarmuid’s old rival) pays the amount as a friendly gesture. The rivalry was all in Diarmuid’s head
Diarmuid takes custody of Maeve and Richard and launches a successful streaming channel.
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Main issue is that the mother character (Alice) has been just cast aside and it affects the overall logic of the story. In plot point 3 Diarmuid needs to contact Alice for advice and we need her to say no with a legitimate reason.
This affects the later stages of the story 4. – so after Maeve gets her period she calls her mother Alice.
At Beat 5. Alice comes back to take Maeve and she goes missing Diarmuid kidnaps her and they compete (more for Diarmuid’s selfish ego reasons). Maeve feels she needs to cheat.
Then at the end when Richard gets sentenced Alice pays the bill not Marcus – Diarmuid has a moment of reconciliation with Alice.
So the revised Beats are as follows.
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Opening: Diarmuid (12), 2002 competes in the Emerald Fist doubles gaming competition, He is Traumatized By Losing To Marcus With Friend Kevin By Cheating With Stepfather Present (Mother is not). We Flashforward to Diarmuid As a Failed Influencer Craving Adoration.
When Diarmuid is summoned to his half-sister’s Maves Birthday by his mother Alice, we find out that his stepfather Richard is in the process of being arrested for Fraud and Deception. Diarmuid is confronted by Richard’s solicitors that he will take full custody of Maeve unless Richard pays back his balance of fraud.
Diarmuid tries every opportunity for money (Loan/borrow from old friends etc) even tries to contact old friend Kevin (now a successful entrepreneur) and also his mother who tells him Richard had it coming. Diarmuid notices Emerald Fist competition (doubles only) with prize fund enlists with Maeve in a desperate attempt.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and everything is going well. They enter the competition and win a few rounds. Maeve gets her first period mid-way through a game – Diarmuid offers support, they bond as siblings. Maeve calls her mother to let her know the good news.
Diarmuid realizes old friend Kevin has teamed up with Rival Marcus. Diarmuid, frustrated Tells her about the situation and how he doesn’t want to take custody of her. Maeve runs away to try and find a way to her mother.
Diarmuid finds Maeve alone and abandoned. He apologizes and discusses that they need to win, for Richard (But Diarmuid still has his career in his mind). Maeve secretly cheats knowing it’s the only way to have a semi-functioning adult in her life. They manage to bond in the following bouts beating the competition with ease with Maeve’s tampered control pad.
It becomes clear during the final showdown that Maeve is Cheating. Diarmuid realizes that Maeve will be publicly humiliated so in a desperate attempt to save her he admits to cheating publicly knowing it will destroy his image.
Richard goes to court to face the music. However, ALICE pays the amount as an act of reconciliation.
Diarmuid takes custody of Maeve and launches a successful streaming channel.
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Pam’s Structure Revisions
What I learned: Changing my OPENING to the INCITING INCIDENT (see Version 2) may create a more exciting first-pages read, as it includes the following by P3:
Surprise, Mild Blood & Violence, Action, Suspense, Brief Tasteful Nudity, Humor, Character, and Conflict.The original Version 1 was more about Character and Plot Set-ups.
– – – – – – – – – – –TITLE: TANGLED UP
LOGLINE: When a top Hollywood hairstylist witnesses a murder, he’s relocated to rural Vermont and works incognito as a dog groomer to evade the dangerous hitman. In his faux world, he meets his soulmate — but can’t tell her who he really is.
MAIN CONFLICT: Celebrity Hairstylist Henri Berger must live a lie to stay alive.
– – – – – Structure Version 1
OPENING:
(P1-3) Intro of Protag and World: Celebrity Hairstylist HENRI BERGER in the prestigious MARC RICHE SALON on Rodeo Drive. We also meet the narcissistic MARC RICHE, Hollywood A-Lister BRADLEY JAMES, his supermodel wife TIFFANY, Marc’s suck-up assistant TREVOR, and Marc’s Amazon parrot CHICO, whose vocabulary is limited to accolades about Marc.Marc is extremely upset when he opens up a box containing a new shipment. The label on his signature product —Marc Riche Modeling Glue — has his name misspelled as “Marc Rice.” Oh, the Horror!
After Marc’s drama subsides, a “hair style-off” ensues between Henri and Marc. While Henri styles Bradley’s locks to perfection, Marc takes Tiffany’s up-do to an extreme.
All make plans to meet later in the day at the Celebrity Charity Fundraiser event.
(P4-6) We meet Henri’s grandfather PAPI, who raised him.
INCITING INCIDENT: “4 HRS LATER”
(P7-9) Sent on an errand to drop off a fresh shipment of the “Modeling Glue” hair product to BRADLEY JAMES, he arrives at his Malibu house. As Henri walks up the driveway, he has a shocking view through the window — Bradley’s getting shot! The killer sees Henri, and a foot chase ensues. Henri is able to elude him for the time being.BY PAGE 10, YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT:
We know that Henri’s world is about to change drastically: the killer will continue to hunt him down.FIRST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1:
Henri sits with a sketch artist, revealing the killer to be a notorious hitman. Detectives STONE & RAMIREZ arrange for him to be relocated to a place where no one will ever think to look for him (a dog salon in Vermont, under the alias of HENRY SHEPHERD). He must leave his successful, designer world behind until the culprits are behind bars. He asks Jared to be his eyes and ears in California while he’s away, and to look in on his Papi.MID-POINT:
Henri remains focused on finding out who hired the hit on Bradley, while he adjusts to his new Vermont world and job at the dog salon. He becomes close with salon owner CAMDEN and his sister ACADIA, manager of the local dog shelter. Recently betrayed in a relationship, she prefers the company of dogs to men — but slowly comes to trust “Henry.”He slowly comes to a realization that Bradley James was NOT the target of the hit — he was. And what’s worse: he believes Marc Riche was the one who arranged the hit.
But he has no solid proof. He refocuses his efforts on implicating Marc, and hatches a scheme with Jared. Henri accepts that he will not be leaving Vermont anytime soon.
He becomes even closer with Acadia, and does makeovers for her shelter dogs. Together, they plan a big Doggie Adoption Fair at the park. He takes his grooming skills to a whole new level, and business is booming at the dog salon.
SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 2:
Before Henri and the police can connect Marc to the crime, Henri’s furry coiffures accidentally go viral and his cover is blown.CRISIS:
As the Bad Guys close in, Detective Stone arranges for Henri to leave town immediately. If Henri stays, he risks his life and those close to him. But if he leaves, he risks losing what could be the love of his life.CLIMAX:
Henri decides to stay — he’s tired of living a lie. He confronts the Bad Guys head-on at the Doggie Adoption Fair, with the help of Detectives Stone & Ramirez. Acadia is kidnapped and Henri saves her, but now she wants nothing more to do with him. Everything he’s told her has been a lie.There’s one more person left for Henri to confront. He heads to NYC and has the final showdown with Marc at the International Hair Show. He tricks Marc and provides the proof needed for police to arrest him, right after he publicly humiliates him.
RESOLUTION:
Henri is free to return to his old Hollywood world — but doesn’t. He returns to Vermont, where Camden makes him a partner. Henri begs Acadia to forgive him, and she does. He even adopts a big, goofy mutt from the shelter.In the final scene, we see that Papi has joined Henri in Vermont. Papi, Acadia, and their dogs all drive away from the shelter, Henri at the wheel of his slightly dented Subaru — Vermont license plate “STYLIN.”
– – – – – – Structure Version 2
NEW OPENING
Main purpose: Intro Protag & World. Set-up the plot.
OPENING:
(1/2 page) Intro of Protag and World: Celebrity Hairstylist HENRI BERGER on Rodeo Drive in his new convertible, California license plate “STYLIN.” He cruises on the highway, pre-occupied and a bit annoyed.INCITING INCIDENT:
(P2) Sent on an errand to drop off an “important” hair product to Hollywood A-Lister BRADLEY JAMES, he arrives at his Malibu house. As Henri walks up the driveway, he has a shocking view through the window — Bradley’s getting shot!
The killer sees Henri, and a foot chase ensues. Henri is able to elude him for the time being.BY PAGE 10, YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT:
(P3) We know that Henri’s world is about to change drastically: the killer will continue to hunt him down.The rest of Structure follows previous version, shown above.
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Hi Pamela,
I like your story – it’s a fresh twist on the protagonist hiding out from the bad guys. I am looking forward to see what you do with the dog stories as I think this will allow for some comic moments.
I liked the fact that your revised opening gets to the inciting incident sooner, but I would leave some of the information you include in your first version in the revision. This will allow you to set up the rivalry and motivation of the antagonist and meet some supporting characters before Henri goes on the run.
In the First Turning Point, you mention a character named Jared. I didn’t see this character mentioned earlier and wasn’t sure who he was or how he fit in.
Looking forward to reading more about your story.
Best regards,
Bob
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Thanks, Bob! Good points for me to consider as I work on Lesson 3. Am struggling with the order of my First Act scenes.
Agreed — in my outline, Jared appears to pop out of nowhere.
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What I learned doing this assignment is …this looks better and the third time is the charm. Subject: Neil’s Logline and one page outline
Logline: Two unrelated military reserve families on the verge of divorce inadvertently and unbeknown to each others spouse humorously begin to find solace from the other family’s spouses before the deployment turns deadly.
1. Opening – Meet the four main Characters Bill and Mary
Tom and Samantha (Sam)
2. Inciting Incident
Mary tells Bill she wants a divorce just as Bill is leaving in the early morning for a militarydeployment.
We find out Tom and Sam are already separated.3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. Should each couple divorce?
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Bill and Sam are team members and have a history.
Mary meets Tom for the first time in a snow storm when Tom stops to help her.5. Mid-Point
Bill and Sam are listening to each other and beginning to draw close. Both wonderingabout the other as a spouse.
Tom helps Mary with snow removal at her house and finds out she needs some repairsdone to the house. Mary begins to size-up Tom for her new husband.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Bill and Sam working together have a close encounter in their underwear during an Armydrill where they are packed into a crowded bomb shelter without any lights but pushed together and against the sandbag walls.
Tom arranges for a new dishwasher and new door to be installed at Mary’s house. They have dinner together with the working crew that Mary fixes in thanks for everyones help. Tom is the last to leave after splitting a bottle of wine.
7. Crisis
Bill and Sam are shot up in an ambush and medevaced home to a local hospital.8. Climax
Tom and Mary meet in the hospital hallway outside the hospital chapel where they eachfound out independently their spouse was suppose to be. They get tangled up entering the door and see Bill in a wheelchair holding something over his head and Sam on crutches aggressively trying to get it. She falls into Bills lap just as the door explodes open. All four with a stupid grin on their faces untangle from their close friends. Just as a spirited Black Chaplain comes pushing through the door and realizes he just interrupted something. “Did I miss something?” As they finish untangling from the wrong partners.
9. Resolution The chaplain takes control and watches the couples heart felt apologizes to each other for all their recently realized missteps in their marriages. The Chaplain ends with a pray of thanks for this Divine moment and he didn’t have to preach.
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Hi, Neil. This is very interesting. Kind of the Iraq Widow syndrome on steroids. I’ll bet if your set this in the context of the Airforce, your experience will add a lot of specific detail and interest to it.
Some thoughts: In Blake Synder’s “Save The Cat” he puts a lot of emphasis on an engaging opening image, some action that is memorable and gets the readers on board in the first half page. What might that be in your story?
I did get a little confused regarding your characters, probably because it took me a while to see Sam as Samantha. Maybe for the moment, keeping her Samantha will help others to visualize that she is a woman on deployment with Bill.
And I’m not really sure what happens in the climax. Maybe the verb to “explode” open was confusing because these people are in the hospital from battle wounds. Before I figured it out, following up the explosion with stupid grins… well.
And maybe living happily ever after, back with the original spouses, is less than credible after all they have all been through. I think something more is in order to demonstrate regrets and growth.
Comedy or drama? This has a great chance to lean successfully in either direction . Good luck.
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Art’s Concept and basic structure:
What I learned from doing this is there’s more than one way to skin a cat.
1. Opening: Dream Sequence: Mississippi Plantation 1865: A renegade band of Yank deserters plunder the plantation of MATTIE FIELDS. Her husband JIM is killed. Mattie escapes on a buggy the Yanks left nearby. Mattie ditches the buggy in a cave whereupon it rolls down a steep incline and falls into a deep chasm. Mattie takes off on the horse. The yanks catch up to her where one of them, EARL SIMMS, rapes and tortures her demanding to know the whereabouts of the buggy. Before they kill her Union soldiers arrive and arrest the deserters.
Mattie Loomis who looks similar to Mattie Fields awakens from this dream. It’s present day. Mattie’s inherited trauma has led her to take martial arts classes to protect herself as she is in constant fear from her horrible dreams of becoming a victim like the girl in her dreams.
2. Inciting incident: Mattie Loomis gets an e-mail from her DNA ancestry service notifying her of new DNA relatives. The last on the list, a 5<sup>th</sup> cousin from Mississippi has the same name and looks exactly like the man who raped her namesake, Earl Simms. But that happened over 150 years ago. It can’t be “him.”
3. By page 10 you know what the movie is about. Going against the advice of her girlfriend and parents, Mattie decides to contact this man. And he, as opposed to the man in her dreams, is a prince of a guy, giving her good advice, very friendly, very reassuring UNTIL she tells him of her Mattie Fields’ dreams. A new sense of urgency kicks in as the dream is part of his family legacy and there’s a riddle to be solved.
4. First turning point and end of Act I. Going against the advice of her girlfriend and parents, Mattie decides to go south and meet her cousin. Unwilling to go to Mississippi where she has all the bad dreams, she meets him halfway, in Tennessee and learns there was stolen gold in the buggy and no one ever found it. Perhaps, if they go to the old plantation in Mississippi, this Mattie can figure out what the other Mattie did with it. Mattie Loomis needs money. She’s reluctant but decides to give it a try. So she goes with this man to the plantation in Mississippi.
5. Midpoint: In Mississippi, Mattie meets the people who now live on the plantation. They’re surprised that Mattie has knowledge from her dreams of forebears. They show her old family heirlooms and Mattie knows stories about them that jibe with what they know. Now they want to join in on the search for the stolen gold, too.
Mattie’s girlfriend and an ally, thinking Mattie is in trouble head south to help her.
6. Second turning point and end of Act II. Mattie is able to find the gold. But Earl has his own allies who look much like the other deserters from Mattie’s dream. They, wanting the gold for themselves, try to kill Mattie and the family that tagged along.
7. Crises: Mattie, the family she’s with and her girlfriend team up and use skills they have to contact the local police, overcome and kill Mattie’s cousin and his allies. The local cops arrive but they’re good old boys and friends of Mattie’s cousin, Earl and they too want in on the action. Now Mattie and her friends have no one to turn to and no way out.
8. Climax: Mattie and her allies get the drop on the local police and arrest them. They call the FBI and give themselves up and the cops and the gold.
9. Resolution. The FBI piece together text messages, and phone records which prove the cops were in on it with Mattie’s cousin. Mattie gets a 40% finders’ fee on the stolen gold. She turns the money into a charitable foundation to help the poor folk in the area.
Select one element to elevate, brainstorm and redo story. I was thinking that around the midpoint, as Mattie searches for the gold, she gets lost in the cave where the gold was originally hid, (remember it fell into a chasm.) What if when Mattie finally finds her way out, she discovers she’s back in 1865? She went through a time warp and has replaced her namesake. But — this time she knows there was gold hidden in the buggy that flipped down into a chasm.
So, I’d be changing it from a suspense thriller type story to a sci-fi-fantasy.
1. Midpoint: In Mississippi, Mattie meets the people who now live on the plantation. During the search in the cave for the gold, Mattie gets lost and when she finds her way out, she’s back in 1865.
2. Second turning point and end of Act II. Mattie relocates the gold after Earl Simms and the yanks are arrested. (Remember we’re back in 1865)
3. Crises: Earl and the yank deserters overcome the union soldiers who arrested them and return to get the gold.
4. Climax: Mattie and her allies, people from the plantation get the drop them. Mattie figures out a way back to her time, but she can’t take the gold with her. She has to go against her pampered upbringing and for once in her life do something selfless with the money.
5. Resolution. So, she creates some kind of institution that will feed and protect local people. Then she’s whisked back to the future. Mattie learns that the institution she created in 1865 still exists and is flourishing and is now a godsend for thousands of people.
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What I learned: I was able to brainstorm a better and non-cliched second turning point. I feel really good about it now. Thanks!
1. Logline: When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
2. Main Conflict:
Opening: Nick catcalls Emma when she passes the construction site where he works.Inciting Incident: Nick’s construction site is shut down and he loses his job.
By page 10: Nick gets a job as a secretary at the same office Emma works and must make amends for his behavior.
First turning point: Emma is asked by her boss to help Nick learn a program needed for his job.
Midpoint: Emma instead decides to sabotage Nick.
Second turning point: In working with Nick, Emma begins to develop feelings for him.
Crisis: Nick is fired after Emma’s plan works.
Climax: Emma wants to confess her feelings to Nick but she sees him with his ex-girlfriend, she decides to date another man.
Resolution: Nick rejects his ex-girlfriend, confesses his love to Emma, accepts her apology and takes a job as a construction supervisor, in an office.
3. Second turning point: Emma begins to develop feelings for him.
4. The main purpose of this is the point of the whole story.
Brainstorm list: Why does she develop feelings? What happens in the story?
-Emma overhears Nick defending her.
-Nick shares an opinion that goes against what Emma thinks of him.
-Emma overhears Nick praising her intelligence and talent.
-Emma overhears Nick telling off his construction pals and saying he was wrong to catcall.
-Nick takes the blame for the mistake that Emma created to sabotage him.5. Main Conflict:
Opening: Nick catcalls Emma when she passes the construction site where he works.Inciting Incident: Nick’s construction site is shut down and he loses his job.
By page 10: Nick gets a job as a secretary at the same office Emma works and must make amends for his behavior.
First turning point: Emma is asked by her boss to help Nick learn a program needed for his job.
Midpoint: Emma instead decides to sabotage Nick.
Second turning point: Nick takes responsibility for the sabotage that Emma created. Emma realizes she underestimated him.
Crisis: Nick is fired after Emma’s plan works.
Climax: Emma wants to confess her feelings to Nick but she sees him with his ex-girlfriend, she decides to date another man.
Resolution: Nick rejects his ex-girlfriend, confesses his love to Emma, accepts her apology and takes a job as a construction supervisor, in an office.
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DAY 2 Assignment: STRUCTURE
What I learned is that my story had some structural gaps to fill in, such as number 4.
Logline: Disillusioned youth ‘Willie’ Yeats battles his artist father to forge his creative identity as an Irish bard. Maud Gonne, at the death of her father, overcomes her grief to continue his political mission for Irish independence.
Yeats’s story:
1. Opening: Yeats attends a séance, gets a message about his ‘calling’
2. Inciting Incident: Yeats quits the art school, first challenge to his father’s authority
3. P. 10 Know what the story is about:
For the series: Yeats’s quest to be the poet of Ireland
For the episode: Yeats wants to prove to his father his creative worth
4. First turning point (end of act 1): MISSING PIECE
5. Midpoint: Yeats meets O’Leary—a new mentor and champion of Yeats’s poetry
6. Second turning point (end of act 2): Turmoil over his mother’s senility
7. Crisis: Yeats and his father come to blows over their conflicts
8. Climax: Yeats delivers a stunning recital at O’Leary’s Contemporary Club
9. Resolution: Sustained hostilities with his father; cliff-hanger: his mother is climbing out her second story window
Maud’s story:
1. Opening: tenant eviction of elderly couple
2. Inciting Incident: Maud tries to save the old lady (Mrs. Reilly)
3. P. 10 Know what the story is about:
For the series: Maud’s courageous humanitarianism for dispossessed Irish
For the episode: Maud wants to put an end to evictions
4. First turning point (end of act 1): Maud’s father dies, forcing her to leave Ireland to live with her Aunt Mary in Paris
5. Midpoint: meets Lucien Millevoye, who will help her with her mission (and keep her in Paris)
6. Second turning point (end of act 2): Maus makes a dangerous trip to Russian
7. Crisis: Maud fails to persuade an Irish MP to accept her service in the fight for independence
8. Climax: Maud fails to persuade O’Leary of the same
9. Resolution: O’Leary invites Maud to be the first woman member of the Contemporary Club
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made.
Yeats: brainstorming—for first turning point
Main Purpose: This is a major twist in the story. Now, everything has changed in some major way and the major conflict is set into motion. The protagonist has had a change in his or her life.
Turning points (end of Act One and Act Two) cause surprise, increased curiosity, insight, and take the story in a new direction.
Rewrite of Yeats’s story, filling in number 4. Still have more to work on.
1. Opening: Yeats attends a séance, gets a message about his ‘calling’
2. Inciting Incident: Yeats quits the art school, first challenge to his father’s authority
3. P. 10 Know what the story is about:
For the series: Yeats’s quest to be the poet of Ireland
For the episode: Yeats wants to prove to his father his creative worth
4. First turning point (end of act 1): Yeats’s father points Yeats in the direction of O’Leary—a challenge to the timid newbie.
5. Midpoint: Yeats meets O’Leary—a new mentor and champion of Yeats’s poetry
6. Second turning point (end of act 2): Turmoil over his mother’s senility
7. Crisis: Yeats and his father come to blows over their conflicts
8. Climax: Yeats delivers a stunning recital at O’Leary’s Contemporary Club
9. Resolution: Sustained hostilities with his father; cliff-hanger: his mother is climbing out her second story window
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What I learned?
– I am learning to lose my uneasiness about a rewrite and look forward to the possibilities.
Logline
– Three abbeynormal people find love while creating a solution to the homeless challenge.
1-Opening-old way
The protagonist Einstein is in downtown San Diego riding a skateboard chasing down Bob. Bob is the writer of a book that has Einstein saying yes to life again.
1-Opening-new way
Same
2-Inciting Incident-old way
Same day late evening after attending ballgame Einstein is walking up to his home and tossing his baseball in air trips and falls over over pile of luggage and boxes. Jenny Lynne Hedgewood is unexpectedly on his porch and needs to talk to Einstein about a live in cleaning job.
2-Inciting Incident-New Way
Same
3-Page Ten -you know what the story is about- old way
Einstein has found his reason for living and everything around him has improved including his new live in friends Jenny and Dude. Anything is possible for all three characters
3-Page Ten – you know –
3-new way -Same
4-My first turning point-old way
A very rude neighbor Downer Gamelgard who has gambled his life away allows Einstein to challenge him and then help him.
4-New way – same
5-midpoint Old Way
In the living room Einstein gives Jen a dream quote and then asks her what her dream is ?
New way- here’s where I came up with some big structure change
5-New Way
Big Bear lake riding down slides on bob sleds racing down the mountain. Einstein says if I win you gotta tell me what your big dream is as they slide down. Hedgewood says what if I win ? Hedgewood wins race and back at condo says you need to be part of this big dream thing also and the Big dreams of both are shared and written down on the magic white board.
6-Second Turning point -old way
Dude starts a yard clean up business and has a few customers.
6- second turning point – new way
Einstein gets Dude to dream bigger and he takes a job on a sailboat for a month to sail to Maui. He sails in 30 days.
7-Crisis -old way
Hedgewood has one of here very nervous clumsy out of control moments in front of many friends and family.
7-crisis new way
Hedgewood has her crisis but after a talk Einstein takes her to what everyone has been calling Einstein’s crazy room. He reveals to Hedgewood what he has been working on for two years. “It’s a promise I’ve been working on “ he says. Einstein has recreated an island paradise in this large room for his first wife because when she was sick she could no longer travel. This room transforms into a couple of Jen’s dream places and then Einstein reveals his big dream of helping every homeless person.
8-climax old way
A game of bigger and better produces prizes and dollars for the big party
8- climax – new way
A game of bigger and better involves many movie stars and produces a hulabalou you are the greatest miracle party for the homeless.
9- Resolution-old way
Hedgewood and Einstein are married on the beach in Maui
9-resolution-new way
They are married on the beach in Maui and the writer Bob is sailing everyone. The grand dream love does it again business is revealed with a Home Depot size store devoted to helping every homeless person in San Diego.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Jeff Reynolds.
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Hi Jeff, I see your logline is about “finding love” and finding a solution to the homeless crisis. So if this is your core …finding love or finding a solution to the homeless crisis, I’m wondering where this movie would start? Inciting incident? Many times this would start with a problem of lost love, longing of some sort or needing to solve a problem. Your page 10 seems to be worded as if the problem is already solved. So just wondering about that.
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Thank you Mary and so happy you replied to my assignment. Looking at the page 10 again I can see where your confusion is coming from. Einstein Hedgewood and Dude all had a tough 3 years and now it’s time to start living a better life. Do you ever watch a movie and after it ends wonder what happens next ? You’ve been through the loss and pain and now what ? We’ll my story is about what’s next.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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1. Tell us your logline.
When his best friend is murdered by the KKK, a young black college grad is impelled to leave the security of his 1930s Southern roots to fulfill his friend’s mission of improving their racial station in life only to find his journey has uncovered decoding secrets prior to World War II that could topple the American President.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
Set up with Chris and Alice, then (flashback) Eddie and Jaz.
2. Inciting Incident:
Jaz is murdered by the KKK
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:Eddie takes on Jaz’s mission of elevating the racial station in life
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Eddie is admitted into the Army’s Magic decoding program. (Meets Mollie, as well)
5. Mid-Point:
Eddie is confronted with the knowledge of Colonel Fall’s being devious and a miscreant.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Eddie knows the direction of the Magic program has varying avenue and ramifications.
7. Crisis:
Eddie and Colonel Fall crash head on with one another over conflicting goals. His conflict is also with President Roosevelt’s own goal
8. Climax:
Eddie is faced with critical decision of revealing the bombing of Pearl Harbor or Letting his girlfriend Mollie Die there as a nurse at the Pearl Hospital. Both relate to his mission of
Enhancing the racial station in his journey.
9. Resolution:
Eddie’s decision results in his being recognized as a patriotic American and earns the recognition that attains his mission’s goals.
What have I learned: While I have had a general idea of my story, this exercise
helps me clarify my events -
What I learned from doing this assignment: There is always room for improvement.
———————–1. Tell us your logline.
A recently deceased girl and her accidental killer team up with an angel to save their families from looming disasters.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:Main Conflict: Alex refusing to acknowledge that she can see Shea’s ghost.
1. Opening:
Dream sequence
2. Inciting Incident:
Seen in flashback at the end of the pilot, (how the accident happened.)
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Will Alex be found guilty in the murder of Shea, and why is the girl “haunting” her?
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Evie goes into cardiac arrest, Shea and her Guardian save her. Alex finally acknowledges Shea and finds out why she is being haunted (to help save Shea’s brother from an abusive babysitter.)
5. Mid-Point:
Alex has a crisis of confidence. Jax and Cassie skip town. Lola falls hard for her new guy. Tasha is pregnant with Trent’s child. Evie not getting better.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:Cassie in grave peril, Jury out for deliberations, Mrs. Mackenna attempts suicide, Alex learns the truth about Joyce’s past, Lola reels from her boyfriends’ betrayal.
7. Crisis:
Sammie is about to be attacked with a knife by his babysitter.
8. Climax:
The Guardian allows Shea and Alex to enter a covenant where they are allowed to help the helpless and they save Sammie.
9. Resolution:
Alex is cleared of murder, Evie is on the mend, Cassie and Alex are reunited, Lola consoles Tasha on her miscarriage, Alex and Shea begin their new duties with the Guardian.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.Elevate: Climax
INT. HOSPITAL VENDING MACHINES – DAY
Alex drops in quarters and leans tiredly against the machine to wait for her coffee. The Guardian and Shea pop in.
GUARDIAN
Prepare yourself, mortal.
ALEX
(startled)
Holy Shit!
GUARDIAN
There is an emergency meeting of the society and you and shea are on trial.
ALEX
What? Why?
GUARDIAN
the Society thinks you shouldn’t be one of them because you are breathing and Shea is too young. If they decide against you, Shea will go to the Kingdom and you will be put to death.
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Joan Edwards’ Day 2 Elevating the Screenplay Structure
What I learned doing this is that a summary is shorter than the screenplay three-act structure.
I look forward to your comments on my structure, so I can elevate it more.
2022-02-07
“Will Fred be able to restore his marriage as The Perfect Couple when even his Mother disowns him when he serves his wife divorce papers on Dr. Bill’s Show on National Television on Valentine’s Day?”
Basic Structure
1. Opening:
Friends nominate Fred and Alicia Silverman as THE PERFECT COUPLE. Fred and Alicia go to dance lessons. New man Marvin makes fun of Fred’s bald head and dances Tango romantically with Alicia. Fred gets sick of that and goes home.
Argues with Alicia about finances as housing market is slow. No sales. Goes to gym and works out with friends. He can’t outdo them and gym manager tells him not to come back. He doesn’t want him to die.
Fred’s hair is coming out. He uses hairgrow. More hair falls out. He finds his father’s obituary and is afraid he’s going to die at 45 like him. Goes to see friend, Dan, at bar. Dan is happy with women all around him since he got divorced.
2. Inciting Incident: first 10 pages
Things go from bad to worse when Rick serves Alicia divorce papers on Dr. Bill’s Show on national television on Valentine’s Day right after they announce them as The Perfect Couple.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
World-wide Media finds out what a rat, Fred is. He loses his real-estate job. His own Mother disowns him and takes him out of her will.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Alicia owns Allure hair salon and hires Marvin a young barber to shave men and cut their hair so that more stars will frequent her salon. She uses their joint savings account to pay for remodeling her salon without Fred’s knowledge.
5. Mid-Point:
Fred ends up at the Homeless Shelter. Befriends the homeless by cutting their hair and helps them get training and clothing for job interviews.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Couple sues Fred for selling him home with termites. Court proves this wrong.
7. Crisis:
Doctor gives him new medicine to try. Tells Fred he needs a new attitude. Doctor asks Fred to figure out who wants to be with when he dies.
Fred discovers Dan is hot happily divorced like Fred thought. Dan is plastered drunk all by himself at the bar. No women are hugging on Dan. Dan tells Fred that he has no job; he won the lottery. Dan’s money is gone. He used every last penny of his money to pay women to sit with him in the bar. New girl at bar takes Dan home for no pay..
8. Climax: Alicia wins Entrepreneur of the Month with a local group because of her renovations with her Allure Salon. Reporter tries to talk bad about Fred. She leave the interview and runs into Fred entering stage dressed as rat. Fred begs for Alicia to come back to him. She shreds the divorce papers. They renew their vows. Reporters film for local news. Fred asks Alicia to join him in Silverton Realty Company to help get housing for homeless. Dr. Bill notifies that they have been designated as “The Perfect Couple” with a trip to Hawaii. Alicia and Fred announce that they are taking the money rather than the trip and putting it into a trust fund to help the homeless in the Los Angeles area.
9. Resolution:
Fred and Alicia spend a week together learning to talk with each other again. They go to dance lessons and only dance with each other. Marvin has a young star dancing with him. Dan and girl from bar join them. Fred cooks spaghetti dinner for them with nice music. They eat and dance and head to bedroom.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Joan Edwards.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by
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Main Conflict: A desperate wife and her husband try for a baby girl but suffer from infertility. The wife is determined to have a child and for it to be a girl.
Opening: Shaun and Mia are getting ready to go to his sisters baby shower. Mika cancel last minute because it will be too hard for her to attend.
Inciting incident: Mia finds out she is pregnant.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: If Mia will have a baby or miscarriage and if the baby will be a girl.First turning point at end of Act 1: Mia has the baby and finds out the baby is a boy. Shaun is happy because they had been trying to have a baby for 7 years and they’ve finally got what they asked for. He is disappointed in Mia because she is angry at herself for having a boy.
Mid point: Mia is calling the baby boy Olivia and dressing him in girl clothes. Mia and Shaun are barely speaking to one another.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Shaun finds out that Mia is planning a sex reassignment surgery for the baby. Shaun disagree’s. Shaun leaves for the night after an argument. Mia takes the baby to get the surgery anyways and moves with the baby.Crisis: Olivia gets in a car accident and is unconscious. Mia does not answer the phone when the hospital calls her so they call next to kin and that is Shaun. Shaun shows up at the hospital and Olivia wants nothing to do with him but Shaun is ready for a relationship.
Climax: Olivia finds out about the surgery. Discovering that she was born a boy. She ends up in a bad situation doing drugs with a group of transgenders trying to figure out herself.
Resolution: Olivia goes to speak with Mia. Mia disappears and leaves only a letter behind for Olivia. A year later Olivia is living back in La with her dad, step mom and half siblings.
I am having a hard time decide what should be elevated. Can someone help me out with some ideas.
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Assignment: Review Structure
What I learned: I realized in doing this and going over it with a partner from this class that my main character’s wish needed to drive this more.
Logline :When 12-year-old Hannah, a wannabe baker, discovers a message in her famous pastry chef ancestor’s recipe book, she’s transported back in time where she must foil a British plot to end the American Revolution that puts her young ancestor’s life in danger.
1<sup>st</sup> pass
Main Conflict/Issue: Hannah has to save the timeline of history – personal and America
Opening:
12-year-old Hannah feels like she doesn’t live up to her family’s baking legacy so she reverts to playing practical jokes during a history reenactment.
Inciting Incident(10):
Hannah discovers a message in her ancestor’s recipe book that sends her back in time to Revolutionary Philadelphia.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Hannah is a fish out of water as she goes back in time.
First turning point at end of Act 1: (30)
Hannah and her ancestor Lydia discover a plot to kidnap the Rev. War leaders during the celebration. Lydia is ok with the plot since her Quaker family is against the war.Hannah is aghast because she knows the American Rebels have to win for America to be independent.
Mid-Point: False Victory (60)
Hannah believes they have foiled the plot. The group – Lydia, Hannah and Hugh (the American) soldier tell Mr. Turner, the proprietor of City Tavern, all they know. They don’t realize he is in on the plot. They are double crossed.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Lydia is accidentally drugged with poisoned cakes and the plot to end the revolution looks like it will succeed. Everyone that Hannah was counting on to help may have betrayed her. The whiff of death is imminent for Lydia, which also means Hannah will never be born.
Crisis:
No one is there to help Hannah save Lydia or stop the plot. She decides she must do something. Lydia can’t die.
Climax:
Hannah get help for Lydia to recover. Hannah saves the day with her baking and her trickster nature. (The plot to kidnap congress must fail even if I have to bake something myself!)
Resolution
Hannah and her team- Lydia, soldier Hugh and Capt. Collett have saved the day through Hannah’s baking, but the plotters have escaped and no one will ever find out.
2<sup>nd</sup> pass
Main Conflict/Issue: Hannah wishes to be a great baker like her famous ancestors. When she’s sent back in time among them has to save the timeline of her family and the nation’s history.
1. Opening:
12-year-old Hannah feels like she doesn’t live up to her family’s baking legacy so she reverts to playing practical jokes during a history reenactment.
Inciting Incident(10):
Hannah discovers a certain magic around her ancestor’s recipe book that sends her back in time to Revolutionary Philadelphia.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Hannah will be tested because her wish to emulate her famous ancestors sent her to them.
First turning point at end of Act 1: (30)
Hannah and her ancestor Lydia discover a plot to kidnap the Rev. War leaders during the celebration. Lydia is ok with the plot since her Quaker family is against the war. Hannah is aghast because she knows the American Rebels have to win for America to be independent.
Mid-Point: False Victory (60)
Hannah believes they have foiled the plot. The group – Lydia, Hannah and Hugh (the American) soldier tell Mr. Turner, the proprietor of City Tavern, all they know. They don’t realize he is in on the plot. They are double crossed.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
The bad guys try to drug both Hannah and Lydia with poisoned cakes, but only Lydia is drugged. The plot to end the revolution looks like it will succeed. Everyone that Hannah was counting on to help may have betrayed her. The whiff of death is imminent for Lydia, which also means Hannah will never be born.
Crisis:
No one is there to help Hannah keep Lydia alive or stop the plot. She decides she must do something. Lydia can’t die.
Climax:
Hannah gets help for Lydia to recover. Hannah saves the day with her baking and her trickster nature. (The plot to kidnap congress must fail even if I have to bake something myself!)
Resolution
Hannah and her team- Lydia, soldier Hugh and Capt. Collett have saved the day through Hannah’s baking, but the plotters have escaped and no one will ever find out.
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Pamela, I love that Henri has to move to dog grooming from high profile hair styling. I wonder if Henri even likes dogs. If he doesn’t there’s so much potential for humor. I’m thinking “Sister Act”.
In terms of your changes, I understand getting in quicker, and I also wonder if by doing that if you’re leaving some of the juicy character details out (for example Marc) or how these will change in any way?
Mary
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Aurora’s Basic Structure Version 1 – Book of Trouble
I’ve learned to simplify a bit, getting quicker to the essence. Revising for a second pass really helped me see a more solid theme emerge from the block of marble.
Logline: A wealthy international rancher trying to discover the reason for his suddenly catastrophic losses, is kidnapped by his board members, to force him to admit criminal culpability and commit suicide.
Main Conflict:
Street level: Alan is secretly betrayed by Lucien, a beloved orphan he mentored.
Psychological level: A man risks losing even his identity when suffering betrayal and loss.
Spiritual level: Satan attempts to destroy Alan’s faith in the goodness of God.
1. Opening:
Alan, a wealthy man, quickly slides into homelessness, illness and victimization after devastating financial losses. He is even cursed by his wife, since he turns inward to doubt, his identity threatened.
2. Inciting Incident:
He is kidnapped by the Imps, a gang of druggies and taken into a wildfire zone.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Alan struggles with God’s silence, doubting his previous worldview. He becomes so focused on self he fails to recognize he has valuable allies in a child, and two disabled men and the goodness of God they represent.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: In a cruel “intervention”, Alan’s board members/friends want to force him to kill himself, and take responsibility for the crime associated with the catastrophes.
5. Mid-Point: The triumvirate of board members begins to fall apart. As they share information about the cascading disasters, they begin to suspect each other, as well as Alan. Autistic Miguel aids in keeping a good perspective.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Joshua and Alan cut their hair and cleanse themselves for battle. The Imp leader gets high and reveals Alan is a chest piece in spiritual warfare over his soul.
7. Crisis: The wildfire is imminent. The interveners have left. The Imps attack to kill. Joshua is stabbed in Alan’s place and hauled away. Alan turns out of his inward focus, to rescue Lena and Michael by escaping to the hills. Miguel is the instrument of Alan’s long awaited response from the Almighty.
8. Climax: A wounded Joshua miraculously reappears and draws the Imps away from the others. Alan faces off with Lucien, fearlessly protecting Lena. Lucien accidentally sets himself ablaze. Alan’s party is rescued thanks to Harry, one of the board members, who had a change of heart.
9. Resolution: Alan reunites with his wife, adopting all the orphans left by his deceased employees, including Lena. He becomes successful again and wealthier than ever.
Version Two
Logline: A wealthy international rancher grasping for the reason behind his suddenly catastrophic losses, is kidnapped by board members, who pressure him to admit criminal culpability and commit suicide.
Main Conflict:
Street level: Alan is betrayed by Lucien, a beloved protégé.
Psychological level: A man risks losing even his identity when suffering betrayal and loss.
Spiritual level: Satan attempts to destroy Alan’s faith in the goodness of God.
1. Opening:
After devastating financial losses Alan, a wealthy man, quickly slides into homelessness, illness and victimization. He is cursed by his wife, as he’s changed by the tragedies, now focused solely on himself.
2. Inciting Incident:
Alan is kidnapped by the Imps, a gang of druggies and hidden in a risky wildfire evacuation zone.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Feeling abandoned, Alan struggles with God’s silence, doubting his previous worldview. He is so focused on saving his own skin he fails to recognize the presence of valuable allies, who reflect the goodness of God.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Reveal: its a cruel “intervention”, Alan’s former board /friends try to force him to take responsibility for crimes behind the catastrophes and kill himself. Autistic Miguel’s words aid in keeping perspective, but are treated like background noise.
5. Mid-Point: The triumvirate of board members begins to fall apart. As they share information about the cascading disasters, they begin to suspect each other.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
The wildfire approaches, the end is imminent. The Imp leader gets high and reveals Alan is a chest piece in spiritual warfare over his soul. Joshua and Alan cut their hair and cleanse themselves for battle.
7. Crisis: All vehicles are gone. The interveners have left them to the flames. The Imps attack to kill. Joshua assumes Alan’s identity, is stabbed in his place and hauled away. Alan reverses his inward focus, to rescue Lena and Michael. As they escape up the mountain, Miguel voices for Alan the long awaited response from the Almighty. Finally, Alan is remorseful.
8. Climax: The wounded Joshua miraculously reappears and draws away the pursuing Imps. Alan faces off with Lucien, who demands “skin for skin”, Lena’s life for Alan. Alan fearlessly protects Lena; he will not sacrifice a child for his life. Lucien accidentally caught in his own snare, setting himself ablaze. Rescuers arrive, led by Harry, one of the board members, who has had a change of heart.
9. Resolution: Alan reunites with his wife, adopting all the orphans left by his deceased employees, including Lena. He becomes successful again and wealthier than ever.
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What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how changing something early on can improve later beats but also illustrate that some of the later beats might not need to change as much as you’d expect, which reinforces the idea that some of them might already be working.
Logline:
Head On (fka Just Drive) – After a promotion at work and a major breakup send two friends into simultaneous identity crises they decide that tracking down their old car from college might be the best way to reconnect with each other and themselves.
(FIRST DRAFT)
Main Conflict:
Two friends try to help each other out of identity crises by tracking down their old car.
Opening:
Ruth, unsure why she’s upset, playing Daytona alone in an arcade while Dinesh stoically looks at shirtless guys on Instagram while his now ex-gf packs up her stuff.
Inciting Incident:
Ruth has a panic attack while meeting with her and Scott’s wedding photographer.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Ruth trying to get to the bottom of whatever her mental / emotional block is.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
After talking to her therapist Ruth realizes how much her old car meant to her and how it might be the best way to get back to who she was.
Mid-Point:
Ruth and Dinesh have revelations (he hooks up with a guy and she visits her late dad’s old auto shop and believes he’s the reason she’s on this journey)
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
They feel confident enough to break into the tow-truck impound lot to find the car there.
Crisis:
They nearly get arrested after breaking in and learn that the car must not have sold at auction and must be at the scrap-yard.
Climax:
They watch the car get torn to smithereens by the Fire Department’s jaws-of-life demo.
Resolution:
A year later Ruth is happily married and her and Scott meet up with Dinesh who’s with a new woman but far more confident.
(REVISION STEP)
Brainstorm List:
-The first beat isn’t stereotypical per se, but it is too vague
(SECOND DRAFT)
Main Conflict:
Two friends try to help each other out of identity crises by tracking down their old car.
Opening:
Ruth, in tears, shares news of a major promotion with her fiancee. Dinesh, in tears, decides that he needs to break up with Stacy.
Inciting Incident:
Ruth visits Dinesh and they loll around their old campus and have a heart-to-heart at their old spot in the mountains. Ruth takes one of their old mix-CDs, that she sees in Dinesh’s car. They both miss who they used to be and the key was the car.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
The two of them trying to reconnect with themselves by reconnecting with each other.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Ruth manages to find out where the woman Dinesh sold the car to lives and she drags him along for a stake-out.
Mid-Point:
Dinesh explores his sexuality on a date with the PI and Ruth sprints around the old race-track, realizing this is probably all about her relationship with her late father and having not confronted it head on in her life.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
They feel confident enough to break into the tow-truck impound lot to find the car there.
Crisis:
They nearly get arrested after breaking in and learn that the car must not have sold at auction and must be at the scrap-yard.
Climax:
They watch the car get torn to smithereens by the Fire Department’s jaws-of-life demo.
Resolution:
They’ve named Dinesh’s current car. Ruth asks Dinesh to be her officiant. Dinesh doesn’t know who he’ll date next. Ruth doesn’t know if she’ll keep her job. But they both know they know themselves better and, worst case, “we do this again in ten years.”
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Rebecca’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how easily something you think is pretty good can become way better. How just a little tweak can elevate the story and give it so much more insight into many things at the same time, fix problems. And even have a different unexpected outcome. I also learned more about my characters. Rachel in particular, but also Paul.
1. Tell us your logline: A middle aged artist/musician obsessed with her marred childhood, struggles to write her memoir when she is suddenly summoned to find and deliver bad news to her long time estranged mother.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Main Conflict: Rachel wants to love and to be loved.
1. Opening: Rachel on stage with her rock band belting the encore. Then Turns down an opportunity to hang out at after party with Paul (love interest) to work on her memoir. <div>
2. Inciting Incident: Rachel gets news that her Uncle Ben, Mom’s brother, has killed himself. Nobody knows where Mom/Beth is.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Young Mom/Beth has been introduced revealing her indifference to Rachel, as well as intros to young brother and dad to infer life before tragedy.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel struggles to concentrate. She gets some information as to where her Mom may be and sets out to find her.
5. Mid-Point: (I’m not sure since I just did the class with a 4 Act structure.) However, by now Rachel has met the couple who rent her Mom’s house. Given up and attempts to drive home drunk. Crashes her truck and has it towed. Then winds up back on the stoop of the couple’s/mom’s house.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: After having spent the night in the couple’s guest room and having breakfast with these incredibly kind people who share their experience of having met her Mom, Rachel is given another clue as to her whereabouts. Newly invigorated, she sets out on another road trip to find her mom.
7. Crisis: After some detective work, Rachel, just before giving up, finds her mom in a convalescent home. But she is unconscious. Rachel stays and talks and entertains her, determined to connect with her Mom and seek some sense solace.
8. Climax: The next day, outside her room, Rachel overhears her Mom talking to Eleanor, the mystery woman from the past. Rachel feels deceived and is overcome with emotion but plays along and pushes her Mom into a traumatic physical reaction and is asked to leave.
9. Resolution: On her last visit, Rachel opens up to her mom on a very deep level. She falls asleep and at the same time, they are seeing the past from their own POV’s. Rachel wakes to see tears streaming down her Mom’s cheeks. Wipes them away, lies down next to her. Mom lets Rachel hold her hand and squeezes back. In the end, Rachel makes it back for her next gig. She sees Paul, who adores her, and this time, she is open to the possibilities of love.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
Elevate Opening: Purpose is to introduce the possibility of love. Also to reveal more traits and wants and some attributes. And conflict. Brainstormed: changed the outcome of the scene in a great way. Much better set up! Will edit dialogue later.
5. Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:
Version 2
Main Conflict: Rachel seeks reparation and must find and confront her longtime estranged Mother/Beth before it’s too late.
1. Opening: Rachel, on stage, accompanied by her rock band, belts out the last notes of their final encore. Then backstage, Paul persuades Rachel to go hang out at the after party with him instead of running home to write her “memoir”. She has promised herself to stay on point. He is relentless and charming. A tall drink of true blue. I will add a scene with Rachel leaving the party all consumed and distracted, maybe. *******************<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>I came to realize that Rachel probably wouldn’t resist the party. Shows more old way traits at top. Also will rewrite dialogue to reflect more of her attraction back toward Paul. Gets reader more involved and curious. Makes Paul more dimensional and interesting
2. Inciting Incident: Rachel gets news that her Uncle Ben, Mom’s brother, has killed himself. Nobody knows where Mom/Beth is.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Rachel commits to finding her long time estranged Mom/Beth, not only to deliver the bad news, but also to confront her and seek peace of mind before it’s too late.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: After hearing the news of her Uncle’s suicide, Rachel, distracted, cork screws down a worm hole. Her Aunt Nina finds an old address for Beth. Rachel, curious and righteous, sets out on a road trip find her Mom.
5. Mid-Point:By now Rachel has traveled and met the couple who rent her Mom’s house. And has given up and attempts to drive home drunk. Crashes her truck and has it towed. Then winds up back on the stoop of the couple’s/mom’s house.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Down and out, spends the night. After having spent the night in the couple’s guest room and having breakfast with these incredibly kind people who share their experience of having met her Mom, Rachel is given another clue as to her whereabouts. With a different perspective, she sets out to complete this journey.
7. Crisis: After some detective work, and just before giving up, Rachel finds her mom in a convalescent home. But she is unconscious. Rachel stays. Talks to her. Entertains her. Relentless to connect with her Mom and seek some sense solace.
8. Climax: The next day, outside her room, Rachel overhears her Mom talking to Eleanor, the mystery woman from the past. Rachel overcome with emotion has a silent melt down in the ladies room. (Then decides to play along. Elevate this.) She pushes her Mom into a traumatic physical reaction and is asked to leave.
9. Resolution: On her last visit with Beth, Rachel opens up on a very deep level. Falls asleep and at the same time, they experience the past from their own POV’s which merge. Beth jerks in her sleep. Rachel wakes suddenly. Tears stream down Beth’s cheeks. Rachel wipes them away, calms her mom and lies down next to her. Beth tenses up momentarily. After a bit, lets Rachel hold her hand and squeezes back. ******In the end, Rachel makes it back for her next gig. She sees Paul, who adores her, and this time, she is open to the possibilities of love.
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