-
Day 2 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
-
14 Replies
-
Sandra Finds the Essence
What I learned doing this assignment is how to find the essence in a scene.
Script I chose: HIDDEN FIGURES
Scene 1 Location: Opening
Logline: At grammar school, 8-year-old Katherine, a small peculiar girl, sketches geometric shapes, while her parents talk to the principal.
Essence: Katherine isn’t aware that her life is about to change.
Scene 2 Location: Page 5
Logline: Katherine (now 38) sits in the passenger seat of a broken-down car with two co-workers when a police car stops behind them, and Katherine shows him her NASA badge.
Essence: Katherine has grown into a woman working for the Space Program.
Scene 3 Location: Page 21
Logline: Katherine is the first Black woman assigned to the Space Task group, and she’s handed a trash can.
Essence: She’s a highly educated math genius, but treated like a servant.
Scene 4 Location: Page 40
Logline: Katherine’s friends introduce her to Colonel Jim Johnson at a church potluck.
Essence: As a widow with three children, Katherine isn’t looking for a man.
Scene 5 Location: Page 44
Logline: John Glenn and the Mercury 7 astronauts head to the back of the line to meet and talk to Dorothy, Katherine, and Mary.
Essence: The white NASA staff tried to by-pass the Black women.
Profound Essence Scene: Page 50
Logline: Katherine solves a problem by holding the redacted reports up to the light.
Essence: Katherine has gained her bosses support and big changes are instore.
AL HARRISON: What’s your name?
KATHERINE: Katherine Goble
AL HARRISON: Are you a spy, Katherine?
KATHERINE: Am I what?
AL HARRISON: Are you a Russian spy?
KATHERINE: No sir, I am not Russian.
RUTH: She’s not Russian, sir.
AL HARRISON: All right then, we have nothing to lose here. Let’s get her everything she needs to work on Shepard’s trajectories without redaction. Are we clear on that?
Harrison tosses the redacted documents in the trash.
-
Ed Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…As Hal said, finding essence is an acquired skill. I feel like I’m learning to dance. I hear the music but haven’t found the beat yet. Deeper thought is required. I find I change my answer often, which I think is good. Got to keep digging for essence.
Script I choose: HENRY’S HALLMARK HOLIDAY
Scene 1 Location: Act One
Opening Logline: Two mysterious characters fly over Seattle on a polar bear
Essence I’ve discovered: This scene, as written, has no true essence other than for entertaining curiosity. New Logline: Adults are coming from the North Pole and they are not nice. Or their intentions are rotten.
Scene 2 Location: Act One Main Character Intro.
Logline: Henry treat’s his father’s business like a playground. Is Henry just a reckless kid, or something else going on?
Essence I’ve discovered: Henry’s safety is of no concern to his father occupied by his trouble business. Or, Henry’s not loved by his dad, or he’s too occupied with business to secure his son’s safety.
New Logline: Henry’s cries out for attention by doing dangerous things that go on unchecked by his distracted father.
Scene 3 Location: Act One Scene Three
Logline: Henry’s father, Frank, and account George face the fact the companies broke.
Essence I’ve discovered: We’re seeing two sides of Frank, the employer, who cares more about his reputation than his employees. From Henry’s POV, dad’s a surprisingly angry man but Henry does not know yet why. We learn Frank’s distracted by Henry’s past illness is to blame for his current situation.
New Logline: Frank (unfairly?) is blaming Henry for the position he find’s his business is in today.
Scene 4 Location: Act One – Inciting Incident
Logline: Lawyer Jessica Thornhill (the one on the polar bear) declares Pelznikel Toys is bankrupt and she’s in charge now.
Essence I’ve discovered: Henry’s enters the confusing world of adulthood and no one, including his dad, is on his side. (cares about him)
New Logline: Henry discovers he’s on his own in the world and turns to social media for what he sees as attention.
Scene 5 Location: Act One – middle
Logline: Henry’s excited to tell his mom his social media followers have exploded.
Essence I’ve discovered: This scene is about Henry and his relationship with his mom – what is that relationship? How to show it?
New Logline: Henry discovers his mom loves him but he needs to grow up.
-
KZ Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… finding the Essence is hard. After the first lesson, I thought, “I’ll get to work right now and locate the essence of my scenes.” So I took out my printed script, and… couldn’t do it. Yikes! With this second lesson, I’m getting the hang of it more, but it isn’t easy. Fortunately, I knew the essence of my concept. I think this could really make a difference in my writing, so I’m excited to master this skill. It’s already helped me in the rewrite of this script.
Script I choose: Murder My Darlings (Thriller)
Scene 1 Location: p. 16
Logline: Michelle quizzes Oliver about the murder, criticizes his self-medicating supplements.
Essence I’ve discovered: State the theme’s opposite
New Logline: Michelle reveals she has given herself up to a higher power, that there is no free will.
Scene 2 Location: p. 19 – inciting incident?
Logline: Oliver hangs with Tony and falls in love.
Essence I’ve discovered: You can’t really know someone / people are incomprehensible
New Logline: While Oliver only sees Tony’s charms, the audience sees Tony with evidence from the crime that lets us know he was somehow involved.
Scene 3 Location: p. 27 – Oliver bumps up against the villain’s plan
Logline: Oliver and Tony get to know each other
Essence I’ve discovered: Michelle is positioning Oliver to become her means of being free of Tony, and saving herself
New Logline: Michelle and Tony wrangle for control over Oliver
Scene 4 Location: p. 81 – Plot point 2
Logline: Oliver discovers that Nolan is writing about him and knows his secrets
Essence I’ve discovered: Oliver denies the truth
New Logline: Oliver discovers Tog’s body, overhears an argument between Tony and Nolan that points to Tony as the murderer
Scene 5 Location: p. 95
Logline: In two separate scenes, Michelle and Andre confirm the truth about Oliver’s world
Essence I’ve discovered: Oliver is hit over the head with an inconvenient truth: he has no free will.
New Logline: Michelle and Andre try to convince Oliver to accept his fate
-
George Verongos puts essence to work!
What I’ve learned is… subtext comes more naturally when I define my essence. Even finding the essence in what I previously thought were just “maintenance” scenes, new and meaningful subtext keeps the script interesting. This is basically something Hal said previously, but experiencing it is very cool.
Scene 1 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Dad takes Terry to the family doctor to reinforce that Terry is experiencing nightmares and not alien contact, easing the building tension at home.
Essence I’ve discovered: A father fears his only son is going insane and seeks the assurance of a doctor that he is not to preserve his own ego.
New Logline: Father takes son to doctor to convince them both that the son is not extraordinary.
Scene 2 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Dad and doctor tell Terry his nightmares are caused by too much TV and an overactive imagination.
Essence I’ve discovered: Children aren’t taken seriously.
New Logline: Terry feels betrayed that he’s being dismissed by adults he is supposed to trust, after spilling his guts to the family doctor.
Scene 3 Location: Beginning of Act 2
Logline: Sheila and Tammy tease their husbands on the eve of their husbands’ first ever camping trip.
Essence I’ve discovered: Two men rationalize that they have free will.
New Logline: Terry and Toby try to convince their wives and themselves that their sudden interest in camping is organic and not being influenced by other powers.
Scene 4 Location: Beginning of Act 2
Logline: Two novice campers hurry to set up camp before dark and realize they forgot some supplies.
Essence I’ve discovered: Something is causing normally calm, rational, organized men to act irrationally.
New Logline: A series of seemingly innocuous incidents of carelessness has two men questioning their wits.
Scene 5 Location: Beginning of Act 3
Logline: Under hypnosis, Terry recalls his alien handler Betty taking him to a daycare filled with human, alien, and hybrid children.
Essence I’ve discovered: Terry felt a sense of belonging when he was with the aliens and hybrids.
New Logline: Terry realizes he isn’t 100% human.
-
Steve John Bennett Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… Investigating, I find deeper layers and an under/over arching theme. It isn’t easy, and I recognize the ‘not wanting to touch something that works well’ in me.
Script I choose: pH (pERFECT Health)
Scene 1 Location: BEDROOM
Logline: Troubled Owen wakes, dresses and steels away from his wife.
Essence I’ve discovered: There’s trouble where there shouldn’t be.
New Logline: Owen should be holding his wife, but he’s holding his aching head instead.
Scene 2 Location: KITCHEN
Logline: Owen’s morning is dominated by coffee and avoidance of his family.
Essence I’ve discovered: Things are normal? but that’s not good.
New Logline: Preoccupied with his iphone life, Owen is disconnected from the three women in his life, and they aren’t happy about it.
Scene 3 Location: MEETING ROOM
Logline: Owen has an asshole boss, and driven, he’s under the thumb.
Essence I’ve discovered:
New Logline: His boss is ready to throw him to the wolves.
Scene 4 Location: OWEN’S CUBICLE
Logline: Searching for his pointer, Owen collapses.
Essence I’ve discovered: Midst the chaos and the pressure, a blackout. He is alone.
New Logline: Try as he might, it is too much for him. His body gives out.
Scene 5 Location: MEETING ROOM
Logline: Without Owen, the boss throws someone else to the wolves.
Essence I’ve discovered: Indicative of the pressure he’s under.
New Logline: Having killed Owen, who’s next?
-
Amechi Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is this is a skill I will need to work on. I feel like I’ve totally missed it or forgot about it when it came to writing my scenes. This was a good reminder to build everything around that deeper meaning.
Script I choose: RED DEVIL
Scene 1 Location: ACT 1
Logline: Ed reacts to the news and tells his wife he can’t come home to help her.
Essence I’ve discovered: She’s called for help, but is not being heard.
New Logline: Ed is too wrapped up in his own schemes to help his wife with their son.Scene 2 Location: MIDDLE OF ACT 1
Logline: Stone tracks down Rio to ask him for his view.
Essence I’ve discovered: The divide and distrust between the media and athletes.
New Logline: Rio and Stone are both wary of the intentions of the other as they try to get information out of each other.Scene 3 Location: END OF ACT 1
Logline: Stone tells her boss that she’s changing the story she’s writing.
Essence I’ve discovered: He’s worried she’s going to cause him trouble.
New Logline: Stone’s boss warns her against embarrassing him and ruining the newspaper’s relationship with the team but then lets her get to work.Scene 4 Location: ACT 2
Logline: The President thanks a worker for his hard work.
Essence I’ve discovered: The President hates his workers but needs them.
New Logline: The President moves down a row of employees thanking them for their hard work, then sanitizes his hands.Scene 5 Location: ACT 2
Logline: Ed talks his upset son into going home.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ed’s son is concerned about the present, Ed is concerned with his future legacy.
New Logline: Ed wants his son to see that short term suffering will lead to long term benefits. -
Gary Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… You’re getting down to the essence of the character if you only looked at from a structure sense and the other way around if you only looked at it as a character scene.
Script I choose: Untitled competitive eating script
Scene 1 Location: First scene – on the board walk
Logline: A chubby 10 year-old kid is eating ice cream cone when another kid pushes it into his face making him drop it on the boardwalk.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is about humiliation and body issues and self-esteem. Bullying
New Logline: A gang of “cool” kids bully and embarrass a chubby 10 year-old by pushing his ice cream cone into his face and calling him names.
Scene 2 Location: 2nd scene – at the cony island hot dog eating competition.
Logline: The cubby 10 year-old wanders over to a crowd and discovers a hot dog eating competition is taking place.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is about finding the thing that makes your life worthwhile. It’s about empowerment
New Logline: The cubby 10 year-old wanders into the crowd at a cony island hot dog eating competition and sees guys who look like him being cheered and treated like stars.
Scene 3 Location: In the first act – all you can eat buffet
Logline: The hero is harassed at the all you can eat buffet because he’s eating too much and they want him to leave.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is about him standing up to ridicule. Standing up for himself.
New Logline: Our hero cleans out an all you can eat buffet after they are rude to him.
Scene 4 Location: first act – meeting a former competitive eater – mentor
Logline: The mentor watches as he cleans out an all you can eat buffet and goes up to him and introduces himself.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is about a second chance for the mentor to get back into the competitive world of eating.
New Logline: After watching the hero clean out an all you can eat buffet he introduces himself and desperately tries to get the hero to agree to have him train him for the world famous blue betty butter belt competition.
Scene 5 Location: beginning of second act – downtown restaurant area
Logline: The hero begins to train with the mentor.
Essence I’ve discovered: This could be moved to later after many false starts and becomes the scene where the hero starts to take the mentors advice and sees the benefits of it.
New Logline: The hero jogs through the restaurant district of his hometown where the hand him Pizza, bagels, racks of lamb to eat as he’s running ala’ Rocky style.
-
Judith Finds the Essence
What I learned is it still a challenge to label a character and scene with essence and doing these exercises is making me aware of what I need to be doing to be a better writer.
Script I chose: Reunion from Hell
Scene 1 Location: Opening
Logline: Emily, excited that her art show is opening tonight, is taken aback when she gets another “return to sender” letter from her sister.
Essence: Emily feels that getting love from her sister makes her whole.
Scene 2 Location: Opening 2
Logline: Rachel’s jealousy and resentment reach a peak and she loses it by killing her mother and setting off to take revenge on Emily.
Essence: Rachel has lost control of her emotions.
Scene 3: Inciting Incident
Logline: Emily is shocked and delighted that Rachel has come back into her life.
Essence: Emily hopes that her life can now be complete.
Scene 4: Break into 2
Logline: Emily, surprised at her hesitancy to welcome Rachel into her life, finally invites her to start afresh and renew their relationship.
Essence: Emily is going to make a go of her relationship with her sister.
Scene 5: Break into 3
Logline: Emily finds her friend Lynn dying and her to be adopted child kidnapped by Rachel.
Essence: Emily realizes that Rachel is evil and she must be stopped.
-
Sandra Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is how to build essence and subtext into the script from the beginning.
Script: BETTING ON IDAHO
Scene 1 Location: Act I Opening
Logline: Abigail, an ambitious New York business woman, gets ready for work.
Essence I discovered: Abigail contends with sexism personally and professionally.
New Logline: Abigail, an ambitious New York business woman, argues with her father on the phone while she gets ready for work.
Scene 2 Location: ACT I Turning Point
Logline: Abigail decides to go to Idaho to close a deal.
Essence I discovered: Abigail thinks most men are incompetent.
New Logline: In order to save her business, Abigail flies to Idaho to negotiate a deal.
Scene 3 Location: ACT II
Logline: Abigail meets with a small-town Mayor and Tribal Chief.
Essence I discovered: Abigail needs to lighten up.
New Logline: Abigail only has three days to convince the Mayor and Chief that working together is the best solution.
Scene 4 Location: ACT III
Logline: Abigail’s father has a heart attack.
Essence I discovered: Abigail realizes the importance of family over business.
New Logline: When Abigail’s father has a heart attack, she rushes back to New York to be with him.
Scene 5 Location: ACT III Ending
Logline: Abigail moves to Idaho and opens an office.
Essence I discovered: Abigail realizes she’s in love with the small-town Mayor.
New Logline: Abigail has learned to balance work and family.
-
Assignment 2.
Ed puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… finding essence is vital, but hard! Not every scene requires profound essence, but those that should have essence but lack it should be altered or discarded.
Script I choose: Two Buttons
Scene 1 Location: Early Second Act
Logline: Alfred, having been rebuffed by the parents of his best friend, killed in action, encounters his friend’s younger sisters who comfort him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Grief affects everyone differently.
New Logline: Alfred, rebuffed by the parents of his best friend who was killed in action, encounters his friend’s younger sisters who comfort him, but an offhand comment causes one of the sisters to erupt in fury at the Germans.
Scene 2 Location: Middle of Second Act
Logline: Christmas Eve afternoon Manfred is ordered by a petty superior to deliver hundreds of packages to front-line troops on Christmas Day, ruining his Christmas.
Essence I’ve discovered: If you look deeper, you may discover good in bad situations.
New Logline: Christmas Eve afternoon Manfred, ordered by a petty superior to deliver hundreds of packages to front-line troops on Christmas Day, takes it as a challenge, a privilege, and an opportunity to serve others.
Scene 3 Location: Second Act, p44
Logline: Alfred enters pub for a relaxing evening, ends up stuck with a boorish WW1 vet who can’t stop repeating old war stories, gets angry and tells him off.
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s not enough to react and push back, someone ought to change for the better
New Logline: Alfred enters pub for a relaxing evening, ends up stuck with a boorish WW1 vet who can’t stop repeating old war stories, tells him off in a way that causes the boor to see things differently.
Scene 4 Location: Second Act, p94
Logline: The day after Christmas, Al leaves the trench bunker to return to the farmhouse.
Essence I’ve discovered: If possible, demonstrate that a change has taken place.
New Logline: The day after Christmas, Al leaves the trench bunker to return to the farmhouse, notices that the sniper has changed the marks on his tally board from vertical lines to crosses.
Scene 5 Location: End of Second Act, p106
Logline: Alfred tells his remarkable tale (of helping a wounded German) to a friend.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sometimes a so-called friend can make you doubt yourself.
New Logline: Alfred tells his remarkable tale (of sparing a wounded German) to a friend, who promptly plants lingering doubts in his mind that he might have helped a wounded enemy recover and later return to to combat and kill.
-
Maureen Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… When I dig to find what’s principally important in a scene (the essence), my scenes open up to new dynamics and life.
Script I choose: SALVAGE
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
Logline: Gordie takes care of the boat while Matt dives with their clients.
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s a pleasant, lazy life. These guys are living the escapist lives of teennagers in their 40’s.
New Logline: Gordie listens to classic rock as he rolls a joint and lazes in the sun while Matt dives with the clients.Scene 2 Location: Early to Mid Act 1
Logline: Matt’s wife Alyse visits his boat and asks for a divorce.
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt wants his family back, but is too messed up to do anything about it, and instead does everything to f— it up.
New Logline: When Matt’s wife visits his boat to ask for a divorce, he baits and manipulates her into losing her temper and lashing out at him.Scene 3 Location: Early/Mid Act 2
Logline: After spending 2 days on the run from both the Manila police and men trying to kill him. Matt escapes on a bus out of town.
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt’s Navy Seal training has kicked in. These are the first moments of peace he has had in two days, and he will use this time to think through what is happening to him, and make a plan.
New Logline: Having escaped out of Manilla on a bus, Matt uses the quiet to regroup, analyze what is happening and why, and make a plan.Scene 4 Location: Near the Mid-Point of Act 2
Logline: Matt and Tommy go over the logistics of Matt’s plan.
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt is using every bit of fibre in him to drive himself forward through a deep despondency and self hatred after unintentionally killing his wife and child.
New Logline: While Matt and Tommy go over the plan, Tommy challenges Matt to reconsider what he’s getting himself into. Matt reveals that he doesn’t care if he dies- he’s got nothing to live for, and deserves the worst that can happen to him.Scene 5 Location: End of Act 2
Logline: After planting the explosives to blow up the Terrorist camp, Matt realizes his wife and child are still alive- and in that camp.
Essence I’ve discovered: After bitterly driving himself toward this moment using his Navy Seal training and every bit of grit in him, Matt is emotionally overwhelmed by his discovery, and the relief that he didn’t kill his wife and child back in Manila.
New Logline: Matt is about to blow up the terrorist camp when he sees Alyse and Sarah in the camp. His legs give out from under him and he falls to the ground struggling to comprehend the implications of what he sees and pull himself together to take on the new challenge of saving his family. -
Jonathan Skurnik Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that all my scenes in my short script already effectively reflect the essence, and that I already write from essence in my screenwriting. I also learned in this process to pare down my short film from six locations to three, and to reduce shooting days from 10 to 3-4. This makes it much more feasible to shoot the film with the $10K that I plan to raise ($4K raised already).
Script I choose: Death and Love
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene (Sarah’s Apartment)
Logline: Sarah and Chaim argue about their relationship, and break up.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah isn’t able to love someone new, because she’s still bound to her dead fiancé.
New Logline: Sarah pushes Chaim away when he tries to get her to let go of her attachment to her dead fiancé.Scene 2 Location: Mr. Cohen’s Hospice room, the first time Sarah meets him
Logline: Sarah’s new client is so sexist that she loses her professional mien.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sexism in Judaism triggers and hardens Sarah’s heart.
New Logline: When Sarah’s new client reveals his sexism, she begins to unravel, professionally.Scene 3 Location: Sarah’s Apartment
Logline: Sarah expresses her hatred for Paul’s Orthodox father.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah’s resentment towards Paul’s father owns her.
New Logline: Sarah hates Paul’s father. Makes the audience ask themselves: why?Scene 4 Location: Rabbi Pounder’s Office
Logline: Sarah tries to find out where Mr. Cohen’s daughter lives so she can contact him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sarah finds sexism everywhere she turns, even when trying to help her patient.
New Logline: When Sarah asks Mr. Cohen’s rabbi to tell her where she can find Mr. Cohen’s daughter, he blackballs her while also demeaning her with his sexism.Scene 5 Location: Sarah’s Apartment
Logline: Mr. Cohen’s daughter reveals that she’s the one who didn’t want to meet before her father passed away, causing Sarah to grieve and let go of her resentment towards Paul’s father.
Essence I’ve discovered: When Sarah sees through the eyes of Miriam that it is her own resentment that is keeping her closed off and unhappy, she’s finally able to grieve and forgive, opening her heart again to love.
New Logline: When Miriam informs Sarah that she’s the one that didn’t want to meet, Sarah realizes her resentments are the cause of her pain, NOT Paul’s father, and she’s finally able to fully grieve. -
Paul Puts Essence to Work.
3. What I learned from this assignment is how to be extra-critical of scenes I have already written. It’s not easy to question what is already on the page. Also, when I cannot identify the purpose of a scene, I am tempted to simply delete it.
2.
Scene 1:
Location: Outside CBP facility.
Logline: CBP officer writes something on the back of Hamza’s immigration document.
Essence I’ve discovered: The CBP officer is just one of the first links in a chain of corruption.
New logline: CBP officer scribbles on back of Hamza’s immigration paper and tells him to hand it to a friend who will be waiting for him at the next stop.
Scene 2:
Location: Office of Director of NGO “Now Walls.”
Logline: NGO Director calls Dilbara so that she can come and meet Rashida who is about to arrive at her office.
Essence I’ve discovered: The NGO Director is already scheming to exploit Rashida’s position in the White House for subversive ends.
New logline: NGO Director calls her Chinese handlers for instructions, now she knows Rashida is working in the White House.
Scene 3:
Location: Hamza’s house
Logline: Rashida arrives to talk about Aynur being adopted by the president.
Essence I’ve discovered: Hamza and wife in conflict over what to do with Aynur.
New logline: Hamza and wife quarrel over Rashida’s plan to have Aynur adopted.
Scene 4:
Location: NGO office.
Logline: Dilbara and Mrs Jenkins discuss Rashida and Dilbara discovers doll.
Essence I’ve discovered: Dilbara discovers that Mrs Jenkins knows more than she should and more than she is letting on.
New logline: Dilbara discovers that the NGO that gave them so much support if part of a bigger operation.
Scene 5:
Location: White House, family quarters.
Logline: The First Lady is informed of the evacuation and the president says farewell to Aynur.
Essence I’ve discovered: President wants his wife and Aynur to leave just in case the threat is real.
New logline: The president hurries his wife and Aynur out of the White House, just in case.
END
-
Daniel Turner Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is: I learned how finding the essence of a scene makes it richer, more entertaining and more compelling.
Script I chose: Providence Coast
Scene 1 Location: Act 1
Logline: Author Jackson Spiller gets into an argument with Rebecca during a midmorning tryst, that she’s going back to her husband.
Essence I’ve Discovered: Jackson has not matured and doesn’t think/care about the ramifications of what he wants.
New Logline: Jackson presses Rebecca to leave her husband without regard for what that would do to her life.
Scene 2 Location: Act 1
Logline: Jackson goes to visit new editor and gets fired.
Essence I’ve Discovered: Jackson is not just getting fired but in essence is being told that his life as it is, is no longer tenable.
New Logline: Jackson visits new Editor and has how he lives his life questioned while getting fired.
Scene 3
Location: Act 2
Logline: Jackson returns to the City from the wilderness, goes to one of his old haunts and meets somebody special.
Essence I’ve discovered: She is special because she, for whatever reason, compels him to be truthful.
New Logline: Jackson returns to the City from the wilderness and meets that special someone that compels him to change.
Scene 4
Location: Act 2
Logline: After attending a protest march Jackson and Tess go back to her house where she tells him her story.
Essence I’ve Discovered: That she was just like he is, a flip side of the same coin in a way. Just handled herself in a more mature manner.
New Logline: After attending a protest march Jackson and Tess go back to her house where she tells him her story, it is then when he realizes how similar they really are.
Scene 5
Location: Act 2
Logline: Jackson visits Editor of newspaper that published the articles on government corruption that he did not write but were ascribed to him.
Essence I’ve Discovered: Even though he did not confess to the Editor that he didn’t really write what they published under his name, his questions sparked the Editor’s suspicions that something is up.
New Logline: Jackson visits Editor of newspaper that published the articles on government corruption that he did not write but were ascribed to him and sparks the Editor’s suspicions of something being amiss.
Log in to reply.