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Day 2 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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7 Replies
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Cheryl: My apologies. I instinctively posted my first assignment without completing the last aspect. Here is the final part of the assignment
‘The most profound scene was scene 133 in Yokohama Harbor. In this scene, Captain Algren faces the ultimate decision. Whether to return to America wealthy man or choose to return to the samurai encampment and the life of serenity, balance, honor and love he has discovered among them. This scene demonstrates the essence of transformation that gives his life meaning and heals the wound of his military career in the USA.
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George Petersen- Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is finding the essence of a scene is not easy but also not impossible.
Script I choose: Demoniac
Scene 1 Location: Midpoint/Low Point
Logline: The Devil kills Dr. Stein simply by talking to him over the phone
Essence I’ve discovered: The Devil can kill with words. Phone or no phone.
New Logline: The Devil kills Dr. Stein by talking to him over the phone. Harry destroys the phone. The Devil then speaks to Harry through an African face mask that is displayed on the wall.Scene 2 Location: 3rd Act Turning Point
Logline: The Mook kills the Security Guard at the subway station while Harry watches helplessly
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil’s henchman works with impunity
New Logline: The Mook stabs the Security Guard, who mouths parting words of warning to Harry as he passes by in the subway car.Scene 3 Location: Act 2
Logline: The Police tell Harry to stay away from the Archbishop or else.
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil has sabotage d Harry’s plea for help.
New Logline: The Police tell Harry to stay away from the Archbishop or else. Then the Policeman unsnaps the holster of his revolver.Scene 4 Location: Climax
Logline: As Harry walks away, the Mook shoots him in the back.
Essence I’ve discovered: to show how the Devil’s henchman works with impunity.
New Logline: As Harry walks away, the Mook shoots him in the back. As the crowd of onlookers creep closer to Harry, the Mook slips away.Scene 5 Location: Act 4
Logline: Harry says good-bye to Julia and Sam over the phone
Essence I’ve discovered: to show the depth of feeling Harry has for his family.
New Logline: Harry says good-bye to Julia and Sam over the phone, he watches a silent home video of them in better times -
Alfred Travis Puts Essence To Work
“What I’ve Learned is…?” Think about my story essence
Script I Choose: The Black and Blue Room
Scene 1 Location: Opening Scene
Logline: Bo Travis, the day has started but Bo, dressed, is in bed, depressed, listless, idle, no objective for life.
Essence: Bo needs occupation.
New Logline: Bo, moved by his friend, Mary, seeks to become a music composer.
Scene 2 Location: Page 10. The Inciting Incident
Logline: Bo buys a special music composer book.
Essence: Discovery of a special song contest.
New Logline: Bo finds opportunity.
Scene 3 Location: Page 30. First Act Break. 1st Turning Point
Logline: Bo is attracted to Janey.
Essence: Bo is heightened into his project meeting Janey.
New Logline: Bo’s call to life, music and love.
Scene 4 Location: Page 60. Midpoint
Logline: Bo meets with some friends.
Essence: Bo connecting with others.
New Logline: Bo, connecting with others, experiences joy.
Scene 5 Location: Page 88. The Big Gloom.
Logline: Bo, robbed of his music project, busks.
Essence: The music keeps Bo lifted up and hopeful.
New Logline: Though music is lost, Bo and his music dream goes on.
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Assignment 2
Title: Robert Kerr (Put Essence to Work)
What I’ve learned from this assignment: My writing tends to only be on the surface. By thinking deeper about the meaning there is an opportunity to create more entertaining dialogue and high entertainment value.
The script I Chose: With All Their Might
Scene 1 (Opening scene) Int. Farmhouse kitchen
logline main character comes home after learning she is being divorced
Essence: Emotionally wounded and desperate young with daughter retreat to her parents farm hoping for a rescue
New Logline: Wounded by the surprise divorce by her Native American husband, Fran brings her 3 year old daughter to her childhood home in last ditch effort to find support.
Scene 2: Int. Farmhouse Kitchen
logline Frans learns she has been readmitted into college
Essence A letter of accept5ance to a local college offers Fran a lifeline from her seemingly hopeless situation
New logline: Fran is both excited and relieved to learn she now has a path forward from the dead end prospects she faces after her divorce.
Scene 3: INT. WSU Athletic Office
logline: Rowing coach comes seeking his new office in the athletic department.
Essence: Rowing coach is desperate to recruit women and his ego tells him he can make anybody into a competitive rower.
New logline: Rowing coach attempts to recruit Fran despite her smoking habit and no athletic experience ever.
Scene 4: Int. WSU Meeting Room
logline: Fran shares her concerns about the hope for help in recruiting women to the crew.
Essence: Fran exerts her first sign of leadership and bonding with members of the crew.
New logline: Frans takes the lead in convincing some of the men to actively help recruit women to the fledgling women’s crew.
Scene 5: INT Farmhouse kitchen:
Logline: Fran proudly announces her decision to change her major.
Essence: Fran reveals a betrayal of her agreement with her father and ignites a major conflict
New Logline: Ignoring her agreement with her father, who is supporting her and her daughter, Fran voluntarily betrays him and launches a major conflict.
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Assignment No 2
Ed. Gillow Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is… that I need more practice on essence to really understand it.
Script I choose: Sidetracked
Scene 1 Location: INT. MOSES’ RANCH – EVENING
Logline: Moses and Martha debate whether Moses should take bounty hunting job.
Essence I’ve discovered: That Moses and Martha not internalize what they are thinking/feeling
New Logline: Moses and Martha brainstorm why Moses should take bounty hunting job.
Scene 2 Location: INT. EMILY HOTEL/LOBBY – CONTINUOUS
Logline: Moses not allowed to check into Emily Hotel as no Indians are allowed
Essence I’ve discovered: The racist Boone wanted to play a trick on Moses
New Logline: Boone takes his racism to new heights when Moses cannot check into Emily Hotel [No Indians allowed]
Scene 3 Location: EXT. PRAIRE – CONTINUOUS
Logline: Jose vents off some steam about his shooting of Green Tooth
Essence I’ve discovered: Doesn’t move story along
New Logline: Will blend parts of this scene with another Jose scene that does move story along
Scene 4 Location: EXT. BETTY’S HOUSE – EVENING
Logline: Jose kidnaps Betty from her house.
Essence I’ve discovered: Scene humanizes Jose, which I want to avoid.
New Logline: Will delete scene and let audience learn what happened when Boone and Moses find out.
Scene 5 Location: EXT. MOSES’ RANCH – DAY
Logline: Moses easily guns down Jose
Essence I’ve discovered: not enough buildup to this ending
New Logline: Moses and Jose play cat and mouse to draw out the eventual shootout.
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Denice Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that it’s quite interesting to return to a scene to search for the essence, especially when several things are going on at the same time for each character.
Script I choose: GHOST TROUBLE
Scene 1 Location: EXT. DIRT ROAD – DAY
Logline: Everett runs down the road and hears Ann’s car behind him.
Essence I’ve discovered: He doesn’t know he’s a ghost.
New Logline: Car barrels through Everett, but he can’t accept he’s dead and thinks he’s dreaming.
Scene 2 Location: EXT. EVERETT’S FARMHOUSE – DAY
Logline: Everett can’t get into his house.
Essence I’ve discovered: He’s not a normal ghost.
New Logline: Everett can’t function as human or a ghost.
Scene 3 Location: EXT. ETHEREAL DARK FOREST – NIGHT
Logline: Ann meets her dead Mom, Mellieora, in a dream.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ann doesn’t want to be alone.
New Logline: Ann doesn’t understand how she can help her dad when he’s dead.
Scene 4 Location: INT. UPSTAIRS – DAY
Logline: Ann uses a rifle to scare Finn into leaving.
Essence I’ve discovered: Finn discovers the only one who can help him escape is dead.
New logline: Finn realizes Ann can’t see his wings and thinks he’s human.
Scene 5 Location: EXT. TRUNK – DAY
Logline: Everett wants out of the trunk.
Essence I’ve discovered: Everett wants to protect Ann from Finn since he responsible for his wife’s death.
New Logline: Everett’s anger helps him escape and trunk to face Finn.
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Lesson 2
Zev Ledman – Puts Essence to Work
I am beginning to realize how critical it is to have an understanding of the meaning of any scene and it’s importance to the story.
Scene 1 – Location – Gravesite of Miriam’s uncle
Logline – Judah attends the funeral of his teacher, who is also Miriam’s uncle, who was tortured and killed by the King.
Essence I’ve discovered – Judah feels guilty about the torture and killing of Miriam’s uncle because of Judah’s mischievous activities of vandalizing Greeks idols.
New Logline – Miriam’s uncle is tortured and killed for Judah’s mischievous activities.
Scene 2 – Judah and his brother travel to help Zalmy.
Logline – On his way to Zalmy’s, Zealots attack a Greek patrol who have stolen Torahs and are slaughtered.
Essence – Judah sees the Greek battle tactics and their ruthlessness towards some captured Zealots.
New Logline – Judah watches a Greek patrol’s tactics when attacked by Zealots and their ruthlessness.
Scene 3 – Judah visits Jerusalem marketplace.
Logline – Judah comes to Miriam’s aid after she is hit by Greek soldiers.
Essence – Judah’s interest in Miriam becomes apparent when he notices her admiring a necklace and reacts strongly after she is hit by a Greek soldier.
New Logline – Judah notices Miriam admiring a necklace and saves her from an assault by a Greek soldier.
Scene 4 – Greek Palestra
Logline – After getting an okay to attend the Palestra from temple official, Amos and Eva find themselves being drawn into lewd behavior, contrary to their belief system.
Essence – After receiving and invitation from a Greek official, a religious couple attends the Greek Palestra and find themselves drawn into lewd behavior that they never intended to do.
New Logline – After receiving conditional approval from a temple official to attend a Greek lascivious festival, a drunken religious couple finds themselves drawn into lewd behavior that they never intended.
Scene 5 – Egyptian surrender to the Hellenist King.
Logline – King Antiochus destroys the Egyptian army, but is humiliated by a Roman leader who forces his army to leave with no tribute, putting his treasury in peril.
Essence – A victorious King expects to replenish his treasury and make the conquered army a vasal state, but is humiliated by a Roman leader, ending up with nothing requiring him to take another tactic to replenish his treasury.
New Logline – After conquering the Egyptian army, a humiliated King Antiochus is forced to accept Roman terms and identifies the Jewish temple as a way to replenish his treasury.
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