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Day 2 Assignment
Post your assignment by replying here.
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24 Replies
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Rebecca Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that finding the essence and reflecting that in a new logline will add a new dimension to the scene, something not thought of before this process.
Script I choose: Sherwood, a Storytellers Storyteller
Scene 1 Location: INT. ELYRIA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE – DAY
Logline: Sherwood Anderson presents a new business concept to the members of the Chamber of Commerce to show off the success within his company.
Essence I’ve discovered: He is selling them on an idea now for them to invest in his company at some future time.
New Logline: Sherwood presses a new business concept used in his company during a presentation at a Chamber meeting with hopes of the members investing in his company sometime in the future.
Scene 2 Location: EXT. CHURCH – LATER
Logline: Sherwood bends the preachers ear as his wife waits patiently in the church yard with two bored rambunctious little boys until she gets fed up and take polite action.
Essence I’ve discovered: Cornelia, fed up with Sherwood ignoring her and the boys desire to leave, politely shows she can take control when necessary.
New Logline: Fed up and embarrassed by Sherwood’s long winded conversation with the preacher, his wife asks someone to mind the boys as she politely retrieves and pulls him away.
Scene 3 Location: INT. ANDERSON LIBRARY/STUDY – NIGHT
Logline: Cornelia confronts Sherwood about his notebook and accuses him of writing stories while he should be attending to business. He confesses about wanting to be a writer rather than a businessman yet dismisses, because she is a woman, her idea that she run the business to allow him to write.
Essence I’ve discovered: Cornelia, business smart and educated, resents being subordinate to her uneducated but talented story telling husband and ready to use any means to keep the business successful by working through Sherwood.
New Logline: Cornelia confronts Sherwood about writing when he should be attending to business. He confesses he rather write his stories yet dismisses letting Cornelia take over the business she helped to build. She challenges him to a poker game.
Scene 4 Location: INT. DEN – Day
Logline: Cornelia visits her father and complains about Sherwood writing again despite his promise to focus on business. She tells him her wish to take over and let Sherwood head sales to allow him time to write. Her father nixes the idea because a woman must know her place.
Essence I’ve discovered: Cornelia resents her father’s attitude as much as he dismisses her suffragette ideas of a woman in a man’s world. She knows that her family’s survival depends on the success of the business.
New Logline: Cornelia visits her father to complain about Sherwood writing again and her wanting to a larger role in the business. Father and daughter clash as to the subservient role of women in polite society of the early 20th Century.
Scene 5 Location: INT. ATTIC – NIGHT
Logline: Cornelia visits Sherwoods attic writing room, informs him of her pregnancy that ruins all their plans, and witnesses for the first time, Sherwood arguing with his alternate personality.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sherwood’s alternate personality seduced Cornelia not Sherwood and responsible for the pregnancy that neither Cornelia or Sherwood wanted. Angry at the exposure of his alter self, he glares at his wife and rushes out of the house.
New Logline: Cornelia informs Sherwood of the pregnancy that threatens both of their dreams. She witnesses Sherwood chastising his alternate personality for seducing her, exposing his peculiarity for the first time, and turning his anger towards her.
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Don Thompson Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that considering the essence always means looking at the potential for subtext and ways to add to the mix of elements that help effectively communicate the themes and concept of the film.
Script I choose: Villette (adaptation)
Scene 1 Location: EXT. PIER, BELGIUM
Logline: Lucy looks on and waits for people to disembark a sailing ship.
Essence I’ve discovered: When people are dissatisfied with the present, they turn to the past.
New Logline: Lucy waits pensively as people disembark on a sailing ship, and reflects on her past relationship with Dr. John.Scene 2 Location: INT. LUCY’S BEDROOM (as a child)
Logline: Lucy asks the servant Maddie about the new child-guest that will be arriving.
Essence I’ve discovered: A person who has suffered from tragedy evokes compassion.
New Logline: Lucy asks the servant Maddie about the new child-guest that will be arriving under tragic circumstances, as Maddie expresses compassion.Scene 3 Location: INT. CAFÉ
Logline: Emmanual confirms that Lucy will play the part of Romeo in the upcoming school play.
Essence I’ve discovered: People sometimes invite you into a situation for a different reason than the surface explanation.
New Logline: Emmanual confirms that Lucy will play the part of Romeo in the upcoming school play, while Emmanuel intimates that he and Lucy may be compatible on a romantic level.Scene 4 Location: INT. TEAROOM
Logline: Ginevra discusses her many boyfriends with Lucy, alluding to her boredom with them all.
Essence I’ve discovered: Surface boredom may mask inner loneliness and longing.
New Logline: Ginevra discusses her many boyfriends with Lucy, alluding to her boredom but at the same time hinting she is looking for something deeper.Scene 5 Location: EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING IN VILLETTE
Logline: Lucy inquires if a particular apartment is for let only to find it is unavailable.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sometimes what we want is unexpectedly thwarted, evoking fear of losing control.
New Logline: Lucy inquires if a particular apartment is for let, and on hearing that it isn’t berates the woman without the woman deserving the treatment or understanding what is upsetting Lucy. -
Tom Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is when I work at it, I come up with at least three essences of what the scene could be about.
Script I chose: ASTEROIDS ANONYMOUS
Scene 1 Location: Spacecraft in Cape Canaveral Hangar
Logline: Scientist Kate and daughter Clare discuss Kate’s upcoming Mars mission.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kate is excited about the mission but ignores how much Clare fears that when Kate leaves, her father will abuse her.
New Logline: Clare hates that Kate won’t believe that Clare’s father will abuse her when Kate launches.
Scene 2 Location: Abandoned airfield in the Mojave Desert
Logline: Warren urges aerospace lawyers to fund his cousin the President’s reelection campaign.
Essence I’ve discovered: Aerospace lawyers will back another candidate if they don’t get their Moon base.
New Logline: Warren doesn’t see that if the lawyers don’t get their Moon base, not only will they not fund the President’s campaign but will undoubtedly fund his competitor’s.
Scene 3 Location: Zenith Aerospace Co. hangar.
Logline: Warren offers Mars crew a new crew capsule to the Mars mission because an asteroid hit theirs.
Essence I’ve discovered: Because new crew capsule is designed for the Moon, not Mars, it’ll take a lot of work to adapt it for use on Mars.
New Logline: Warren forces them to accept a Moon spacecraft he knows they can not adapt in time for the launch.
Scene 4 Location:
Logline: Kate thinks her daughter Clare slugged a fellow student for calling Clare’s dad a “hot hunk” because Clare was defending her dad.
Essence I’ve discovered: Kate chooses to ignore that Clare hates her father and she fears he’ll abuse her.
New Logline: Kate ignores the fact Clare fears her dad will abuse her when Kate leaves on the mission.
Scene 5 Location: Four Seasons Hotel
Logline: Warren seduces his boss Emma, NASA Administrator so he’ll be promoted.
Essence I’ve discovered: He does it to persuade Emma to defend the President so Warren can talk to his cousin the President.
New Logline: Warren seduces his boss Emma so he can get her to hold a press conference and he can say thanks to his cousin, the President so he can talk him into doing a Moon base so he’ll get funds for his reelection and Warren will be promoted. #
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Sandra Hildreth Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is, it’s not enough to just move a story along, or show a character’s growth, the writer must make sure there is a reason for everything that is written. Screenwriting should not be filled with fluff and space wasters, but elements that are important to the project.
The Scripts I chose are from the: “Rehoboth Beach” TV Series by Sandra Hildreth
Scene 1 Location: In an Emergency Exam Room
Logline: Following a fire at their shop, Lily explains why she was there so late at night alone.
Essence I’ve discovered: The scene is too drippy. It needs to have more substance. The logline doesn’t change, but the scene does.
New Logline: Following a fire at their shop, Lily explains why she was there so late at night alone.
Scene 2 Location: The Remodeled Boutique
Logline: The newly remodeled boutique reopens after the fire
Essence I’ve discovered: The remodel is successful and a glimpse of Diane’s beginning of dementia is revealed.
New Logline: The boutique’s remodel is successful but the happiness is foreshadowed by a glimpse into a looming problem.
Scene 3 Location: Inside Lily’s Home
Logline: Trouble looms with one of the couples.
Essence I’ve discovered: Too much fluff in the scene, when the focus is hinting about infidelity by one of the husbands
New Logline: A hint of possible infidelity is revealed.
Scene 4 Location: Iris’s Bedroom
Logline: Lily announces she has a blind date and Diane wanders out into the snow.
Essence I’ve discovered: More of the main characters’ persona is given and Diane become completely disoriented.
New Logline: Lily announces she has a blind date and Diane wanders out into the snow.
Scene 5 Location: Iris’s Home
Logline: Iris’s wife becomes completely disoriented.
Essence I’ve discovered: Even short scenes must have purpose
New Logline: Iris’s wife becomes completely disoriented.
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Joseph puts essence to work
Scene 1
LOCATION- farm
LOGLINE: two brothers discuss plans for getting their chores done and carrying out the fun activities they really want to do, without their stern father’s knowledge
ESSENCE: Younger brother foretells the future by promising not to reveal what he knows about his own and his older brother’s activities, even when the results are tragic.
NEW LOGLINE: A brother fails to inform his stern father of the secret, risky activity of his older brother, before the older brother is killed during his secret escapade.
Scene 2
LOCATION- Function hall
LOGLINE: A celebration of his career accomplishments for the now middle-aged younger brother, is interrupted when he’s confronted by his ever stern Father, who’s still angry about the circumstances of his other son’s death years earlier.
ESSENCE: Older brother was the favorite son, and younger brother was the Black Sheep who survived, and harbors a secret from that day.
NEW LOGLINE: A middle-aged man reveals to his still angry, stern Father that he knew where his older brother, and idol, was going on the day he died when they were kids, but failed to tell him until now.
Scene 3
LOCATION- Restaurant
LOGLINE: a woman tells her husband that she’s leaving him after a long marriage.
ESSENCE: She’s put up with being in his success shadow, verbal abuse, and neglect.
NEW LOGLINE: Woman accepts can’t accept being invisible in her marriage, and the final straw is when she discovers her husband has another family.
Scene 4
LOCATION- Restaurant
LOGLINE: Women of a double-date foursome discover that their dates big business cover is fake.
ESSENCE: One of the boys has a hidden talent that is revealed, which is more impressive than the cover job.
NEW LOGLINE: A girl discovers that her presumed big business partner on a blind double-date is really a manure delivery boy, who is actually trying to overcome a family tragedy enroute to becoming a famous Country Music star.
What I learned: Every scene must reflect the story concept or character in a meaningful way and possess deep meaning for both, while also able to exist alone on its own merit.
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Michael Greco Puts Essence to Work
[Creative Mastery 2] Lesson 2: Discovering the Essence
What I learned is that getting to the essence of a scene clarifies whether the scene advances, derails or detours from the story being told.
Script I choose: Shots Fired.
Scene 1 Location: Act I middle Scene 1-7 INT. BEDROOM ROLLIE & IRIS’ HOME. NIGHT.
Logline: Rollie and Iris pitch their respective agendas, objectives.
Essence I’ve discovered: Rollie knows exactly who he is as a cop, even if he appears bumbling and underconfident.
New Logline: Rollie sets clear boundaries as to what he will and won’t do as a cop, and in testing and marketing the Shots-Fired technology.
Scene 2 Location: End of Act 1 – Scene 1-13 INT. NEIGHBORHOOD COP BAR. NIGHT.
Logline: Sal and Rollie at the bar probing each other.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sal is trying to get Rollie to play along with kinky instincts of the core officers – and the Lieutenant; Rollie wants to find out what kinky business Sal is concealing from him.
New Logline: Rollie goes after Sal to find out the furtive business Sal is [and other officers are] involved in; Sal fights back hard.
Scene 3 Location: Beginning of Act 2. Scene 2-1 EXT. JOGGING PATH. DAY.
Logline: Rollie and Iris talk at cross-purposes.
Essence I’ve discovered: Rollie recognizes the potential value of the Shots Fired Technology.
New Logline: Rollie commits to test the Shots Fired technology, with an eye to ultimately marketing the same.
Scene 4 Location: Act 2 near midpoint. Scene 2-7. INT. NEIGHBORHOOD BAR. NIGHT.
Logline: Rollie and Campillo joust over the questionable acts and rumors in the station.
Essence I’ve discovered: Rollie persists in inquiring of Campillo why Sal is making unscheduled stops on the beat which he will not call in to dispatcher.
New Logline: Rollie pursues Campillo to find out what he knows about Sal’s secret stops at apparent organized crime hotspots and intentional violations of procedures.
Scene 5 Location: Mid-point, end of Act 2. Scene 2-10. EXT. STREET. EARLY EVENING.
Logline: Sal gets sidetracked at stop of gang members engaged in apparent narcotics sale, endangering Rollie and allowing the gang to escape.
Essence I’ve discovered: Sal’s misjudgment and abandonment of crime investigation scene threatens, but does not derail, Rollie’s adherence to procedure.
New Logline: Sal’s dereliction compromises Rollie’s crime scene investigation and enables narcotics gang to evade apprehension.
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Henry Kana: Puts Essence Work Assignment #2
What I’ve learned is: Essence can be spread over Content, Characters and Dialog. It brings the story to life and makes it jump off the page.
The Script I choose: “Witchdoctor”
Scene 1: Act 1
Logline: Miko listens to Father Thomas with his dreams.
Essence: The Devil is coming to collect his friends souls
New Logline: Miko helps Father Thomas fight the dream of the Devil.
Scene 2: Act 1
Logline: Allen attempts to avoid detention after school.
Essence: High school is a difficult time and Allen tries his best to stay out of trouble.
Logline: Allen sweet talks Puttermeyer into a excuse slip to keep him out of detention.
Scene 3: Act 2
Logline: Betty, a virgin, attempts to buy condoms for potential sex at Devil’s Pocket.
Essence: A trip to Devil’s Pocket could results in some heavy foreplay and sex.
Logline: Betty learns she not very worldly and is only a naive teenager.
Scene 4: Act 3
Logline: The teenager encounter a bonfire and dancer at Devil’s Pocket
Essence: The Devil appears and claims the souls of three of the Teenagers.
Logline: Thomas chickens out and never joins the dancer and his friends.
Scene 5: Act 3
Logline: Father Thomas confronts the Devil at his Reunion.
Essence: Father Thomas has to fight the Devil to save his friends Souls.
Logline: Miko joins Father Thomas in his fatal fight against the Devil.
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Hope McPherson puts essence to work!
What I learned: I see how this process is a great way to set oneself up for subtext and deeper meaning. This process truly laid bare the lightweight scenes in my first draft. I also learned that this is definitely a learning process. I appreciated Hal mentioning how difficult this is to do, because I feel like I getting glimmers here and there. That’s a start at least!
Script I choose: CHRISTMAS DEVELOPMENT is a spec script that I just finished a first draft (i.e., my 10% draft), and it’s a prime candidate for this assignment.
Scene 1 location: INT. ICE CREAM SHOP – DAY
Logline: After fraud costs the company $300,000, CHARLIE drowns her sorrows in a bowl of ice cream while promising her stepmom that she’ll repay the money to save the business.
Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie wants to live up to her father’s reputation but this business is not her love.
New logline: Sitting in an office surrounded by photos of her broker-dad’s successes, CHARLIE vows to save her father’s company and legacy even though her stepmom (business co-owner) wants her gone.
Scene 2: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Logline: Charlie, in the farmhouse, talks with Jared about her great aunt, her new daily chores, and his connection to the great aunt.
Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie becomes intrigued by her deceased great aunt, discovering they were more alike than she expected.
New logline: Charlie explores the farmhouse’s kitchen and living room and discovers her late great-aunt died while fighting a battle with a crooked local government official, trying to take her land.
Scene 3: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Logline: Charlie meets Daniel, who explains he was working out a deal for the farm with the great aunt before she died.
Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie is already getting suspicious of Daniel’s eagerness to get the farm.
New logline: Charlie meets with Daniel and realizes he’s the crooked politician her aunt was fighting.
Scene 4: INT. AMBER’S OFFICE – SAME TIME
Logline: Amber puts pressure on Charlie to sell the farm to Daniel – or to anyone.
Essence I’ve discovered: Amber is working with Daniel
New logline: Amber shows up at the farm in order to compel Charlie get the place sold asap.
Scene 5: INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Logline: Charlie’s mom, Lois, arrives unexpectedly to stay and snoop.
Essence I’ve discovered: Charlie discovers her mother, a has-been TV star, is broke and homeless.
New logline: Charlie’s mom arrives and has nowhere else to go, but when she finds Amber there, the two women declare war.
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Ann Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is really hard to do but worth the effort. It’s a good feeling when you have a break through and/or when you realize the scene isn’t needed or it can be combined to another scene. What was flat and boring springs to life.
Script I choose: VANISHING TERRORISTS
Scene 1 location: End of Act 1
Logline: The cowboys move into the bunkhouse and discuss the use of tags.
Essence I’ve discovered: We realize that the Cowboys aren’t really cowboys. They are undercover FBI, CIA, etc. We don’t know exactly but it’s revealed that they suspect River (the protagonist)
New Logline: The cowboys reveal they are investigating River and the ranch.
Scene 2 location: Beginning of Act 2
Logline: Zuka and his team load bags into the back of the truck.
Essence I’ve discovered: There isn’t any. This scene is a cut.
Scene 3 location: End of Act 1
Logline: River comforts her friend and warns her of the dangers in the swamp.
Essence I’ve discovered: River is really seeking comfort and help from her friend.
New Logline: River’s grief over the little dead boy is the fire that lights her fears of the changes in the swamp.
Scene 4 location: Act 2
Logline: Zuka bullies the Chief but controls him with beer.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zuka’s bullying only covers the Chief’s passive aggression towards Zuka and sets the stage for the Chief’s revenge.
New Logline: The Chief is not fooled or bribed by Zuka’s actions.
Scene 5 location: Act 2
Logline: Zuka scolds the team and informs them they have a new leader.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zuka’s team wants to quit but are afraid of him. But learning that there is a new leader gives them hope.
New Logline: The team wants to quit until Zuka tells them they have a new leader.
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SUBJECT: Monica Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that every scene can be elevated by discovering its essence.
My Script: THE WAR ANGELS© I’ve chosen the scenes I knew had a problem.
Scene 1 Location: Beginning of MM#2: Locked in
Logline: Calisto, Rogerio and some war buddies destroy a Nazi camp and return the Portuguese farmer’s food.
Essence I discovered: Rogerio needs to believe he can still contribute to the war effort.
New Logline: Injured war hero Rogerio defender of the weak and helpless steals back his people’s food from the Nazis only to be hampered by the reappearance of his former lover and betrayer, Calisto.
Scene 2 Location: Beginning of MM#3: Hero tries to solve the problem but fails.
Logline: Rogerio discovers Calisto welcoming French Jews into Lisbon and is attacked by an assassin.
Essence I discovered: It’s going to be hard enough to feed the Portuguese people without the added mouths of refugees — how is he going to solve this?
New Logline: Injured war hero Rogerio contemplates the role of food broker for his people only to discover his former lover and betrayer, Calisto, is welcoming more mouths to feed.
Scene 3 Location: MM#4: Hero forms a plan
Logline: As the food mission struggles through a storm outside Lisbon harbor, Rogerio gets dumped in the ocean and no one notices.
Essence I discovered: Calisto is trying to apologize for her betrayal of Rogerio without actually saying it.
New Logline: After being dumped in the ocean on a food mission Rogerio is rescued by Calisto who is furious that she keeps having to save his life.
Scene 4 Location: End MM#5: Hero retreats and antagonist wins
Logline: After Calisto kills a Nazi officer as he tried to rape her, Rogerio helps her dispose of the body.
Essence I discovered: That everyone is a traitor as they change sides regularly.
New Logline: As Rogerio and Calisto drag the body of a dead Nazi officer through the dark streets of Lisbon, they are discovered by the man financing the food missions who is accompanied by the Nazi in charge.
Scene 5 Location: MM#7: Crisis and Twist
Logline: Rogerio and Calisto are betrayed by her father and dragged to a Nazi interrogation centre.
Essence I discovered: Rogerio has forgiven Calisto for the betrayal and doesn’t want to lose her.
New Logline: With Calisto about to be executed by the Nazis Rogerio breaks free of his bonds and rescues her.
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Julie puts essence to work
Script: 80’s High
What I Learned: 1) One thing I learned is that understanding the essence will lead to writing scenes that are more purposeful and meaningful. 2) Depth – understanding essence allows me to write a scene with more depth and subtext. 3) I also learned that I may have a scene where I do understand the essence, but I can see it is in the wrong place in the screenplay. 4) I learned that I may be trying to do too much in a scene – and that there are a couple of “essences” going on, and to make a better story I will need to break up the scene into two smaller scenes. 5) I learned that understanding essence helps me better target exactly what the character in the scene is feeling and doing. 6) The essence is like the fuel that drives the story – clearer essence is like cleaner fuel – the story will run better.
Scene 1
Location: Opening Scene
Logline: A black student (Maya) enters her high school and meets her friends at her locker.
Essence I Discovered: Other than establishing the world and tone; the essence of the scene is to show who the protagonist is, in relation to the other high school students. I discovered that I need to change who she is – she is a girl conforming to her group so she does not feel alone.
New Logline: A black student enters her HS and plays along with her joking click, even though she feels bad about the joke.
Scene 2:
Location: Act 2 – B story
Logline: Disoriented and confused about her new surroundings, Maya is elated to see her friend Evan and runs to meet him.
Essence: Maya is confused and disoriented, but relieved to see someone she knows, even if it is a kid she does not like.
New Logline: Disoriented and confused about her new surroundings, Maya feels relief at seeing Evan, even if she does not like him, and runs to him for help.
Scene 3:
Location: Act 2 – Meeting the Mentor
Logline: In the cafeteria, Maya & Evan watch in amazement as Olivia begins roleplaying and experimenting with her new “self.” Carl explains what he thinks is really going on.
Essence: The kids meet Carl (a geek) and begin to figure out the rules that are in play in this upside down world.
Second Essence: In contrast to her typical quiet self, Olivia role plays with other kids at the school, to the amazement of the others.
New Logline; The kids seek out a geek and share what has happened to them. He develops a hypothesis and suggests what they need to do to escape their situation.
Second New Logline: Olivia acts boisterously and cocky in her new role, in direct contrast to her former self, and has fun and success doing it.
Scene 4:
Location: Act 2 – before midpoint
Logline: A calendar leads Maya to develop a plan to gain popularity by befriending the most popular boy in school & getting him to take her to prom.
Essence: Maya stops resisting what she needs to do; but the plan she devises is to gain popularity by association.
New Logline: Maya reluctantly agrees to work with the others, and devises her plan to trick the most popular boy into taking her to the prom.
Scene 5
Location: Act 2 – After Midpoint (Bad guys close in)
Logline: Maya tries to hide her feelings from her “Dad” who is full of cliches and superficial platitudes.
Essence: Maya is dealing with her recent discovery that she has real feelings for the boy she was trying to trick.
New Logline: Feeling rotten about trying to trick a boy she really does care for, Maya tries to get real advice from her Dad who is only capable of superficial cliches and platitudes.
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Douglas Puts Essence to Work.
What I learned is finding essence in characters can enhance the scene, and changes the scene in dramatic ways and can add subtly that I never saw before.
Script I choose: “Iguana Sunrise” By Douglas Ryan
Scene 1 Location: Near the end of Act 1-
Int: Fletcher Condo
Logline: The Fletchers have invited over Don and Felix to their apartment, mainly to lord their wealth and power inside the compound community.
Essence I’ve discovered: Is Darcy Fletcher is a powerful determined woman but wants more, and to live forever. She should be more scary.
New Logline: Darcy Fletcher explains that she will never be satisfied with the mediocre and mundane and will not rule out killing to get what she is owed.
Scene 2 Location: End of Act 1 Int: Darius’s Apartment
Logline: Escaping the hurricane Darius, Vito and Juan hold up in Darius’s house and get dry.
Essence I’ve discovered: This is a scene where we see the divide between the rich tenants of the compound and the people who work there.
New Logline: After making sure everyone else is safe Darius makes sure his friends are in a safe place to ride out the massive hurricane. We get an inside look at his life before coming to the compound.
Scene 3 Location: Start of Act 2 Int: Fletcher Condo
Logline: Darcy and Albert start their day in safety while the rest of the island is in disarray, as well as the compound.
Essence I’ve discovered: I found that I need to cut short some dialogue and get to the heart of the scene. The essence really is the uncaring way in which both of them treat the outside world. Inside the compound they are God and infallible. Others should act accordingly.
New Logline: As Albert shows disdain for the workers of the compound Darcy belittles his efforts to please her and finds that there is something to this highlife.
Scene 4 Location: Act 2 Ext: Gus Gatorman’s House
Logline: Gus is surprised by his ex-wife showing up at his door, letting him know there is an HOA meeting in a few minutes. Neither is happy about it.
Essence I’ve discovered: For as flawed as Gus is he has a soft spot for the women in his life, but none for lizards. The subtlety of the amount of iguanas on the lawn is a growing fear.
New Logline: Lindsay tells Gus about the HOA meeting, she notices there are more iguanas than ever before on his lawn. Gus believes this is because he shot one last night.
Scene 5 Location: End of Act 2 Ext Compound Gate
Logline: Darius and Darcy go to Shimmy at the front gate and negotiate the price of the necessities for the compound.
Essence I’ve discovered: Darcy is there to make both men feel inadequate and assert her dominance once again. She subtly sets up a mystery for Darius to solve. Shimmy truly tries to show he is “not that kind” of criminal and could be redeemable.
New Logline: Darcy acquires supplies at a better rate than Darius could, making a hefty deal with Shimmy. When Darcy asks for something more Shimmy refuses, and shows he might be able to be trusted by Darius.
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Janeen Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that once I’ve identified more of the scene essences, I can quickly and easily see ways to bump up the message/goal of the scene. I still struggle with short loglines, however.
Script I chose: Canine Comedy Crew
Scene 1: Location: Opening Scene
Logline: Abby (age 11) decides to get a puppy to prove to Noah (age 8) that his mom is treating him like a puppy — and because she wants a puppy.
Essence: Noah’s mom has trained him the way people train dogs and he’s OK with that while Abby rebels against her dad marrying Noah’s mom.
New Logline: Noah’s work-from-home single mom with a very demanding job has used hand signals and treats to manage her son’s behavior since he was born. His soon-to-be step sister thinks he should be angry, but he feels his obedience was contributing to his mom’s success.
Scene 2: Location: Opening Scene
Logline: Abby guilts her dad into buying her a puppy.
Essence: Abby is angry because her mom abandoned her and her dad feels guilty and gives in to her demands. She has him under her thumb.
New Logline: Abby uses her dad’s guilt about his wife abandoning them to to get a new puppy before her dad remarries because she knows her new stepmom won’t let her get a puppy.
Scene 3: Location: Inciting Incident
Logline: Teddy, the giant dog, knocks down their elderly neighbor while Abby is trying to train him and the neighbor manipulates Abby into taking over her dog comedy act while she recuperates.
Essence: Betty, the neighbor, is a great dog trainer who has tried to guilt Abby into training her giant 2 year old dog, Teddy, but Abby always has an excuse. Now that she finally tries to train him, he breaks away from her to greet Betty, knocking her down and injuring her. Betty seizes the opportunity to get Abby to promise to not only take care of her dogs, but implement her plan to put together a dog skit comedy crew to audition on a national TV show in three months.
New Logline: When untrained Teddy injures Betty, she seizes the opportunity to make Abby promise to follow her plan to get the Canine Comedy Crew ready for their audition in three months. Abby’s guilt has her saying yet.
Scene 4: Location: Midpoint
Logline: While the rest of the family laments how hard getting the CCC up and ready for the audition, Noah reads dog training books and teaches Teddy with ease, becoming the master trainer by default.
Essence: Everyone treats Noah like a kid who isn’t expected to contribute while he secretly trains Teddy and solves the training problems the family is having getting the CCC ready for the audition.
New Logline: The family laments how hard it will be to keep their promise to Betty while largely ignoring Noah who is reading dog training books and teaching the dogs all of the commands they need to perform the plays.
Scene 5: Location: Crisis
Logline: The CCC entertains at the block party, but the dogs are easily distracted and there are problems getting the dogs to go to the correct locations.
Essence: The family is working as a team with each specializing on a different part of the production, but their work has all been in the back yard until now and the crowd seriously distracts the dogs — they still have a lot of work to do before the audition in only a few weeks.
New Logline: With the audition looming, Noah has solved all fo the dog problems to date, his mom has written software to drive the play, Abby’s dad has built sets that work and arranged for performances and Abby has taken on the role of director and show-runner. During their first performance at a neighborhood block party, they find that the dogs are easily distractible and they have a lot of work to do, but they also find that if they can pull of the audition in two weeks, they may have a shot of turning the CCC into a family business so they can spend more time together.
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James Bodley Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that although the Essence may have been expressed in the scene, it may not have received its full Expression. Small visual details or changes in dialogue may enhance what had originally been missed.
Script I choose: R.A.G.E (current screenplay) This exercise is difficult with this script since it’s fully designed around a core Essence: “Haves v have nots, privilege v under privilege, rich v poor, working class v middle-class, etc.” So while some missed details are being discovered, there doesn’t seem to be anything major.
Scene 1 Location: Protest group meeting in garage of affluent suburban house.
Logline: Curly, released after a 3 month sentence for graffiti on a Rolls Royce, learns that his Gran was hounded to death by payday loan companies. Now free, Curly begins a revenge campaign and his first stunt goes viral. At a protest group meeting, hoping to meet kindred spirits, Curly storms out to found his own direct action group – R.A.G.E
Essence I’ve discovered: a couple of visual and dialogue tweaks to further enhance class differences between Curly and protest group members.
New logline: Logline remains the same.
Scene 2 Location: MOBILITY SCOOTER DEALERSHIP
Logline: As Gran hobbles from the supermarket with her shopping and her cane, she eyes the price tags of mobility scooters at a dealership.
Essence I’ve discovered: The theme of payday loan though implied needs actual expression.
New Logline: As Gran hobbles from the supermarket with her shopping and cane, she eyes the price tags of mobility scooters at a dealership, a salesman suggests she takes out a loan.
Scene 3 Location: TV STUDIO
Logline: During a TV show debating the Role of Business in Society, the antagonist a multi-millionaire payday loan shark CEO is interviewed second.
Essence I’ve discovered: The first interviewee was padding and has been removed.
New Logline: During a TV debate on the Role of Business in Society, first interviewee, the antagonist multi-millionaire payday loan shark CEO, gives his views.
Scene 4 Location: HIKING IN WALES
Logline: Curly and RAGE’s lawyer hike in Wales to where the payday loan shark CEO has a sumptuous house. Curly enraged by the conspicuous consumption stalks off in anger. The lawyer tells Curly’s friend Jenny, that Curly could be a leader if only he learned to use his anger.
Essence I’ve discovered: The lawyer’s dialogue was too long, too on the nose and wandered off the Essence point. Dialogue has been cut by half.
New Logline: Logline remains the same.
Scene 5 Location: ?
Logline:
Essence I’ve discovered:
New Logline:
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Celia puts essence to work.
What I’ve learned is that essence may be clear to me, but exploring different ways to express it/them through each scene enables me to expand the depth and scope of characters as a result of re-imagining.
1) Location: Courtroom
Logline: The trial of the Frat Brothers for the rape of Elena erupts in surprise and chaos.
Essence discovered: Surprise accusations that reverse the assumed outcome of the trial establish the basis for David’s absolute belief in his wife and family.
New logline: Surprise and chaos at the end of the Frat Brothers’ trial show the first signs of cold resolve in David.
2) Location: Cheap hotel room
Logline: David personally collects HIV-positive semen from an infected sex worker.
Essence discovered: This additional layer of David’s dedication to an as-yet unanticipated and complex revenge demonstrates that emotional pain far outweighs the physical.
New Logline: David endures acts which are not natural to him without regard for his potential, personal trauma as he begins his journey of revenge.
3) Location: Dos Santos family kitchen
Logline: David agrees to represent a relative of one of Elena’s rapists as a corporate attorney; his son Eddie violently objects.
Essence discovered: The juxtaposition of anger on the low-key, intelligent introverted Eddie and sudden flash of intensity in David’s response establish a deep father-son connection that questions whether Eddie could ever be capable of David’s type of revenge.
New Logline: Eddie loses his temper when David separates business from personal,, demonstrating his strength in patience and apparent submission to both his law firm and fate.
4) Location: Metropolitan Police Station
Logline: The Frat Brothers are unable to remember details of David’s disguises well enough to identify him from various photos.
Essence discovered: People refuse to see or remember clearly that which they find distasteful, even when it could save their lives.
New Logline: The Frat Brothers, their attorneys and police are all increasingly frustrated when the Brothers cannot begin to identify the various Latino men who were actually David in disguise.
5) Location: East River Bank
Logline: David throws the old, worn wedding ring and crucifix he wore as part of his disguises into the river.
Essence discovered: More than just ‘ closing the book’ on completed revenge by disposing of the last of the evidence, David both honours Elena’s memory and acknowledges the extent to which he will go to stand for his beliefs.
New Logline: David’s face reflects the pain of the past couple of years since his family was destroyed, but he smiles as he throws the last of the evidence, the old wedding ring and crucifix into the river as a marker for Elena.
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Celia has an essence breakthrough:
I’m using my script “Unspoken” for this class. For reference, my writing process is anathema to many writers – I write when the film runs in my mind. Unspoken was a shock to me in that it appeared in my mind fully filmed, the first time this has happened. The essence of the film, characters and scenes possess the greatest clarity I’ve yet experienced, which has led me to explore different ways to illustrate these essences moreso than reimagining the essences themselves.
That said, throughout this assignment, I found myself mentally revisiting other scripts, short stories, and novellas in my files, clearly identifying new essences and weaknesses in those pieces. One feature script received notes including ‘It’s unclear why Chris kind of jumps in with questions out of nowhere’. The reason is that I had received notes on that script from a previous submission that recommended elimination of most of the descriptive text… which ended up destroying the essence throughout the script. [Sigh] At least I know that my writing is improving already, even if competition judges remain dissatisfied.
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Cindi Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that I’m struggling to choose which potential essence is best for each scene. The four questions were helpful. I also noticed that in my current script I have too many scenes that have the same essence, and often they were one right after another! I see how asking the essence questions will eventually help me take the overall quality to a higher level.
Script I chose: THE DECLINE
Scene 1 Location: Opening scene
Logline: Ellie expresses misery and resentment as she drives to her father’s house to cover for his irresponsible caregivers.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ellie’s relationship is falling apart because she must give so much time to caring for her father, who has Alzheimer’s. But she has a secret weapon for helping him.
New Logline: As Ellie drives to her dad’s house, she uses energy work to get him into a good space for her visit, but when she has an argument with her boyfriend on the phone and then encounters police cars, her fears throw off her ability to align her dad’s energy.
Scene 2 Location: Act 1
Logline: Ellie relaxes as Joe seems his usual self, not mean like the caregivers reported. She figures it’s because they lack her special connection to him.
Essence I’ve discovered: Something has changed with Joe in a dark way.
New Logline: Ellie relaxes as he seems his usual kind self in her presence, but when he suddenly starts throwing rocks at his cat, she knows something is off.
Scene 3 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Ellie’s dread grows now that she’s stuck with Joe overnight because the neighborhood is locked down because of a murder.
Essence I’ve discovered: Ellie should wonder if her dad could unknowingly be the killer.
New Logline: After Joe becomes increasingly violent and disoriented, he disappears. Ellie finds the back door open and fearfully goes out to look for him. She finds one of his tools… with blood on it.
Scene 4 Location: Act 2
Logline: Joe’s brother Mike calls and Ellie hopes it will distract and calm Joe, but he has bad news.
Essence I’ve discovered: Joe is connecting with the other side.
New Logline: Distraught, Mike calls and tells her their other brother, John, just died and he doesn’t know if he should tell Joe or what to do. During the call, Joe points at something invisible and says his brother John is here.
Scene 5 Location: Act 3
Logline: Zela clears the house of the dark spirits, but the entities return. She says it’s because his mind is so weakened.
Essence I’ve discovered: Zela might be scamming them for money.
New Logline: Zela seems too gleeful as she explains she’ll have to keep clearing the spirits because of the weakness of his mind. Ellie sees the darkness returning, but is it his illness? She’ll have to face the truth and solve it without Zela’s help. Her sister calls and questions Ellie’s sanity when she explains the dark spirits, and Ellie’s fears about her own mental state create doubts in her ability to protect and help her father.
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(Kathleen S.) Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…
Script I choose: The Sugar Line
Scene 1 Location: scene7 –
Logline: Biker Bar owners commit crimes near the highway. Ken accompanies them to do a favor and become a gang member. He wants to keep this interaction secret from his fiance, and so he does.
Essence I’ve discovered:Ken has been persuaded by bikers who commit crimes, to be an accomplice to a murder and drug exchange. This is not to his advantage as his reputation as a responsible newly wed man is compromised. How could his ,e,membership to a gang be more important than his fiance? Ken turns a blind eye to a murder comitted.
New Logline: Ken hears a shot go off on the side of a highway as a drug dealer is robbed by the bar owner.
Scene 2 Location: Scene 31:Time’s Borderline
Logline: Billy rides his horse out of Lincoln, County NM and into time forward. When he lands his jump he finds a motorcycle and mounts it.
Essence I’ve discovered: Billy traverses time and space, his horse jumps right through a time barrier into the 21st century. He finds a motorcycle.
New Logline: Billy traverses time and space by jumping over a time barrier on his horse. Once in between centuries, the horse changes into a motorcycle which he lands on in century 21.
Scene 3 Location: Scene 33 Time’s Borderline
Logline: Billy’s rivals follow Dolly to the place where Billy disappeared. Horse hooves change into motorcycle skid marks.
Essence I’ve discovered: The gang has too many members and the hoof prints should disappear, not change to treads..
New Logline: The gang consisting of less members finds that horse hooves lead to nowhere and make the discovery of the time warp barrier.
Scene 4 Location: Scene 36, Rider’s Roadhouse Bar
Logline: The rival 19th century gang winds up at this 21st century bar where they confront the owner’s biker gang, searching for Billy.
Essence I’ve discovered: They are ghosts who are rustling motorcycles by taking possession of the riders.
New Logline: The scene plays out as the ghosts stop the riders by taking over their motorcycle. Then they introduce themselves by riding tricks, and someone pulls a knife. The bar owner invites them to join their gang and stay at the bar. The hunt for Billy is already implied in the story.
Scene 5 Location: Lacy’s Bedroom
Logline: Lacy has her friend Mary stay with her overnight because she is afraid of the ghost in the house. Paranormal occurrences have begun.
Essence I’ve discovered: They joke about having a husband that is invisible which is fine. But, when the ghost actually enters the room while they are asleep and rapes one of them, it needs to be scarier.
New Logline: The ladies joke about having a ghost lover but it turns scary as they awaken to an actual ghost presence which is scaring them. The ghost has begun to shake up the room and the people in the house.
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James Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is that working through the essence helps me clearly see the layers of my story that were always there, but not fully realized. This allows me to go back and write the scenes with more precision.
Script I chose: Is It In Yet?
Scene 1 Location: End of Act 1
Logline: Pappy seeks advice from Denny on how to get respect from Don Assante.
Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to be a cover for Pappy to keep him safe.
New Logline: Denny’s advice is sought by Pappy, but realizes he can only relinquish information piecemeal in order to keep the youngster protected.
Scene 2 Location: First half of Act 2
Logline: Pappy informs Denny the second deflowering party was abruptly shut down.
Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to protect Pappy and offers him a stern caution.
New Logline: Pappy feeling dejected meets up with Denny who warns him to “play smart” in the world he’s entered.
Scene 3 Location: Second half of Act 2
Logline: Pappy and Eli peruse the loot they have just seized.
Essence I’ve discovered: Pappy and Eli have become criminals and have to face any future consequence.
New Logline: Pappy realizes he has crossed the line in the presence of stolen property causing him to reevaluate his worth in life.
Scene 4 Location: End of Act 2
Logline: Pappy meets up with Denny to get counseling.
Essence I’ve discovered: Denny has to keep Pappy protected without divulging the plan that is unraveling.
New Logline: Denny advises Pappy to maintain his composure and flow with Don Assante’s expectations.
Scene 5 Location: Climax in Act 3
Logline: Calabro hunts down Don Assante and Pappy.
Essence I’ve discovered: Calabro was always Assante’s target for a sting operation.
New Logline: Calabro searches for Assante and Pappy to take them out not knowing two agendas are taking place, one of which being he is the FBI’s target for arrest.
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Carol L. Paur Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is I’m still trying to figure out what the Essence is of my movie.
Script I choose: Halfway There
Scene 1 Location: Lake
Logline: Adult man drives the speedboat recklessly.
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt Linzer doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and Cecelia is starting to question if she should be dating him.
New Logline: Man risks the life of his friend and girlfriend with his risky driving of his speed boat.
Scene 2 Location: Matt Linzer and Cecelia Heart’s home
Logline: Matt and Cecelia host a party and Matt is missing.
Essence I’ve discovered: Cecelia is a conscientious host while Matt is doing his own thing.
New Logline: Matt balances thirty glasses of beer on his head while Cecelia prepares food for guest.
Scene 3 Location: Matt and Cecelia’s bedroom
Logline: Matt cleans out the room getting ready to leave Cecelia
Essence I’ve discovered: Matt wants out of the relationship, and it’s a surprise to Cecelia.
New Logline: Man breaks off relationship surprising his girlfriend.
Scene 4 Location: Van
Logline: Mother and daughter discuss daughter’s bad boyfriend and broken relationship.
Essence I’ve discovered: Mother and daughter have issues with each other.
New Logline: Mother insinuates daughter made bad choices when she drives her back to the family home.
Scene 5 Location: Yefim’s Office
Logline: Man wants to hire Cecelia quickly.
Essence I’ve discovered: Yefim doesn’t care about the residents of Enlightened Homes but needs a person to supervise them.
New Logline: Yefim is desperate to hire someone and will accept Cecelia, even though she’s not really interested nor qualified.
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Carolyn puts Essence to Work
What I learned is…I chose the first five scenes of a first draft because I want to go through the entire script and figure out the essence of every scene. So far I’ve tried to be as honest as possible, and sometimes it’s easy to find the essence and other times it’s not. I always ask, why is this in here? How is it driving the story forward? I’ve become so forward thinking I can hardly remember the past. Ha ha. This was a great exercise. I learned a great deal more about every scene.
Script: Cannibal Spa
Scene 1 Location: INT. MEAT LOCKER – DAY
Logline: Smooth indoctrinates the orphans.
Essence I’ve Discovered: Smooth has no choice but to make the orphans cannibals, because if they don’t eat from the deadly feast, they will become part of the feast and be eaten. In a twisted way, he saves them.
New Logline: Smooth saves the orphans, but ruins their lives.
Scene 2 Location: EXT. CABIN IN WOODS – NIGHT
Logline: Wally Bovine is attacked and killed in this backyard.
Essence: One of the orphans, Harry is now an adult and viciously murders and eats Wally because he is unable to control the intense cravings for human flesh.
New Logline: Unable to control himself, Harry sets off a chain of events that leads Jess to Heartly Farm.
Scene 3 Location: INT. JESS’S KITCHEN – NIGHT
Logline: Jess gets upset when her sister Judy asks her to visit their parent’s grave.
Essence: I wanted to establish Jess’s state of mind. She is decimated by her parent’s accidental deaths and blames herself. She’s developed anxiety and faints at the sight of blood.
New Logline: Jess is deeply disturbed by feeling she is responsible for the accident that killed her parents and she seeks comfort by using drugs and alcohol.
Scene 4 Location: INT. JESS’S APARTMENT – DAY
Logline: Jess gets a lead on a story, a bear attack.
Essence: Jess takes the story even though she is warned it may be a gruesome scene. She’s desperate to throw herself into work to escape her guilt. She talks herself into it, but braces herself with alcohol.
New Logline: Jess’s curious nature and reporter instincts triumph over her anxiety this time.
Scene 5 Location: EXT. WOODS – DAY
Logline: Jess arrives at Wally Bovine’s and becomes suspicious that this was something other than a bear attack.
Essence: I want to establish that Jess is going to be formidable in chasing down the story. This is the inciting incident so once she starts asking questions she’s on Smooth’s radar and Jess is a reporter so she has a lot of them.
New Logline: Jess becomes a problem for Smooth without knowing it.
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Elle Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is how exciting this process is of finding the essence and then it really empowers the scene and ideas/creativity that I bring to the scene.
Script I choose: Daddy’s Man Cave
Scene 1 (#29) Location: INT. MAN CAVE – EVENING
Logline: Bob decides to change the way things are
Essence I’ve discovered: Bob decides he needs to fix everyone else – the first stage of his journey.
New Logline: Bob figures out that they only way to change things, is to change everyone else.Scene 2 (#45) Location: INT. FOYER
Logline: Bob receives the delivery for Suzie’s gifts and a stationary bike
Essence I’ve discovered: Bob feels insignificant
New Logline: Bob receives the delivery but didn’t even need to be there b/c they had entry code and it was resigned and they were told where to put it – they had a pic and they word told how to mediate the dog and not pay attention to Bob.Scene 3 (#49) Location: AMANDA’S OFFICE / FOYER
Logline: Amanda freaks out
Essence I’ve discovered: Amanda pours all of her frustrations out on Bob
New Logline: Amanda lets Bob have it with all of her past frustrations – he makes her act like her dad and she hates that most of all.Scene 4 (#53) Location: MAN CAVE STAIRS
Logline: Bob and Buddy struggle to get the stationary bike down the stairs
Essence I’ve discovered: Bob resists transformation requested by Amanda
New Logline: Bob gives up half way down the stairs with the bike and when he tries to bring it back out, it makes its way down the stairs on its own, taking down a few significant things of Bob’sScene 5 (#59) Location:
Logline: Bob’s 1<sup>st</sup> success with his program
Essence I’ve discovered: the only way to succeed is to never give up
New Logline: Joe tells Bob how he doesn’t have what it takes because you have to have a never give up attitude in order to win. Bob gives up but gets so angry at Joe that he tries again and finally succeeds for the first time. -
Henry Kana QE Scene 2 (Max Interest Techniques-Rev 2)
Logline: Two Archelogist hunt for ancient treasure which cause one to lose his life in the search
Essence: One treasure hunter takes advantage of another.
EXT. ON THE BANKS OF THE NEW RIVER – LATE EVENING
A small motorized dugout cruises along the banks of the New River. Suddenly a flury of arrows and spears fly from the jungle along the river bank. The dugout moves away from the bank and the arrows and spears fall harmlessly in the river. One or two arrow are stuck in the side of the boat. Nick stands up in the boat and shout several commands in Spanish.
Nick: Alto! Mi Amego! Alto!
Nick sits back down and the dugout continues puttering up the river.
John sits in a chair in front of a camp fire sipping on fresh steaming coffee. He is awaiting the arrival of Nick Jones, a competitor archeologist. A motorize dugout cruises up to a make shift dock. Out hops Nick.
Nick: Morning John, how are things? Making any progress? What’s with the angry natives. I thought this was a safe site.
John: Yes, it is. They are just blowing off steam cause they didn’t feel like they got enough compensation. Progress, you tell me, did you bring it? We will be lost without it.
Nick: Bring what? (Chuckling) I hope my secretary packed it? I told her to.
John: Damn you Nick. We can’t use the Stone and Rods without it.
Nick: I’m sure Mary Ann packed it. She was folding it up when I left the office. I sure it here in my travel bag.
John: Finding King Zapata’s treasure will be useless without that Map. With the winding trails, changes in elevations it will be like looking for a, “needle in a haystack.”
Nick: You have the Stone and Rods? Show me!
John crosses to a metal suitcase, places it on the camp table, and pops it open revealing a diamond shaped stone with two copper rods with eye pieces.
John: There you see, we kept safe till you got hear per our written agreement. Now where is the map?
Nick: Right here.
Nick opens his carry bag and pull out a folded piece of parchment. He unfolds it and places it on the camp table. John studies the map.
John: This doesn’t look like the original map you showed me months ago.
Nick: It is. It’s a copy, you don’t think I would bring an original to a snake and mosquito infested place like this. Besides, we could get jump by natives or bandits. They are already agitated about this.
John: Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve been out here for two month and haven’t seen another soul except the natives I have working for me, and they go home every evening. Are you sure she copied the correct map and not a cheap thing off the street. There are at least a dozen fakes floating around out there.
Nick: I’m sure it is. If it wasn’t I’m not sure you could even identify it as a fake. Why don’t you study it tonight by the camp light and plot us a path to the treasure if you can or is that out of you ability.
John: One more comment like that and I’m going to make you see stars.
Nick: Ha, ha, ha. Better bring your native helpers. Study the map and we will set out in the morning to find the treasure. I’m turning in. I had a hard day’s travel. Good night.
John: Good night. Be sure to shake out your shoes in the morning. Scorpions and Spiders you know.
Nick: I didn’t fall off the wagon yesterday. Good night
Nick enters the camp tent. John sits at the table examining the map. He holds it up to the camp light to make sure it’s not a forgery. He flips the map over several times.
John: At least it not a fake, I hope?(Mumbling)
Ext: Mountain Trail Head – Day
After hiking and climbing through the jungle for about an hour, John and Nick stumble into an opening containing Mayan figures and many unusual looking stones.
John: Quick, look at the map, do any of the figures match.
Nick: Map, what map, you had it last night.
John: Ok, ok, just wanted to get a rise out of you.
Nick: This is your warning. Nextime pow or maybe a Saw Rasp Viper. Careful what you do.
John lays out the map and begins to move the stone and rods over the map. Nothing seems to fit exactly right.
Nick: Let me see those. You’re not holding them right.
Nick holds them over the map like divining rods. They cross, sparks fly and ignite the Maps.
John and Nick frantically slap at the burning map. They get it out but there are several wholes in the map.
John: You idiot.
John punches Nick in the nose.
Nick: Ouch, why did you do that.
John: You deserved it for burning those holes in the Map. Now look what your have done.
John holds up the map. The morning light shines through and lines up on several statues. The ground begins to shake and rumble. A Grave covers opens up a grave pit revealing gold, diamonds, rubies and ancient gold coins. The top of the jewels are covered with slithering snakes. John pulls out a professional snake catcher and begins to put the snakes in a burlap bag. He collects the most poisioness ones first and then on to the harmless one.
John: Good thing there weren’t very many poisioness one.
Nick: Jackpot.
Nick picks up the diamond shape stone and hits John over the head and knock him out cold. Nick empties his back pack and greedly fills it with gold, jewels and coins. He drags John unconconse body into the grave. Nick takes the stone and places it against the eye of the statues. The grave closes over John body. Nick slings his back pack and begins walking back down the trail.
Nick: (Softly Singing) Hiho, hiho, it’s home from work we go.
We can hear the muffled screams of John.
John: Come back here you thief, conniving conman. The authorities will catch you.
Nick: And who in the hell is going to tell them. Not me. Ha, Ha! And your in no position too.
Nick, with his shoulders back and a bounce in his step continues down the trail whisteling.
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Joe Puts Essence to Work
What I learned is I have to record the original purpose of each scene to realize if it truly is the best representation of the scene’s essence. It’s hard sometimes to tell the difference between expression and essence in older screenplays. Getting to the essence saves a lot of time, and opens my creativity.
Script I choose: The Emperor Moth
Scene 1 Location: Ray and Serena’s apartment
Logline: After Ray is thrown out of the concert, Serena is angry.
Essence I’ve discovered: Serena is concerned for Rays’s mental health, and afraid for the future of their relationship
New Logline: Serena falls to pieces while Ray remains defiant in defending his behavior
Scene 2 Location: Bed + Breakfast room
Logline: Each think the other has unpacked.
Essence I’ve discovered: Their hosts are controlling the couple’s freedom
New Logline: All their most private activities are constrained.
Ray
Scene 3 Location: streets of New Hope
Logline: Ray and Sererna jog at night, whispering as spies are everywhere
Essence I’ve discovered: they are cut off from the rest of the world and in danger
New Logline: Ray and Serena walk, and as they do shadows near them move closer. As they pick up the pace, the shadows disappear, but they are alone at the end of a dusty, dead-end street.
Scene 4 Location: warehouse
Logline: weather devices are in final stages of production, and each kind of device has a new manager to finish the process
Essence I’ve discovered: Ray discovers that the production Is nearly complete.
New Logline: Ray downloads the evidence from the “unauthorized” wall jack.
Scene 5 Location: New Hope hilltop
Logline: town council members observe the biplane but not the weather device hanging in the sky.
Essence I’ve discovered: It’s a huge revelation that the council cannot see the weather device
New Logline: Council members seem mesmerized, unable to see the giant device floating in the air before them; only the workers and Ray observe it.
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