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Day 2 Assignments
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Day II : More Subtext Character Traits – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext and Loglines
What I learned is “ with each layer, each process, the depth of the character becomes apparent and it fits in the ‘big picture’ instead of having to go back in after the fact and repair/improve a certain character trait.
I. Create subtext and loglines for your three main characters. Then write a list of possible areas for subtext with each character.
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(1) Name: Brooklyn Murray (protagonist)Traits: 1. Workaholic – obsessed with her work 2. Romantic 3. Indecisive and struggles with OCD 4. yearns to be a successful artist 5. In denial
Subtext: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain
Character Logline: Brooklyn is a gifted painter who HIDES in her work to avoid FACING life.
Possible areas of subtext: Buries herself in her work, escapes having to face anything not art-related. Tragedy forces her out of hiding. Discovering who her father was and dealing with the abandonment issues frees Brooklyn from the self-imposed isolation she’s been living.
————————————————————— (2) Name: Richard Feldman (antagonist)
Traits: 1. Womanizer – women are a means to an end only 2. Manipulative 3. Sociopath 4. Wants to be rich 5. Devious
Subtext: Hiding his intention to steal the gallery from Brooklyn. He covets art, loves paintings, hides the fact he is a lousy painter and dropped out of famous art school.
Character Logline: Richard is charming, seductive and scheming. He craves wealth and loves paintings. They speak to him in a way he respects and cannot manipulate.
Possible areas of subtext: His interaction with Brooklyn as well as his dealings with Alan, her lawyer. Uses his charm to hoodwink clients with talent or who show promise. Great as massaging clients.
————————————————————— (3) Name: Tarek (love interest)
Traits: 1. Overprotective, single father 2. Pragmatic, even pessimistic 3. Wants to find true love 4. Diplomatic
Subtext: Covering up, Concealing, his loneliness from everyone including himself. Afraid to admit he needs love, the love of a woman.
Character Logline: Tarek is a single father who must put his loss and grief aside if he is to win the woman he just met (Brooklyn).
Possible areas of subtext: His interactions with Brooklyn, his overprotectiveness with his two sons, his demeanor in public.
More Subtext Character Traits
1. HIDING SOMETHING – Concealing – Secretive – Clandestine – Invisible – Covering up – In denial – Conspiring – Undercover – Disguising – Covert – Scheming – Devious – Evasive – Cloaking – Obscure
2. AFRAID TO SAY – Shy – Scared – Intimidated – Withholding – Secretive – Concealing – Evasive – Nervous – Panicked – Paranoid
3. LYING – Deceitful – Secretive – Tricky – Weaselly – Suspicious – In denial – Devious – Concealing
– Sneaky – Undercover – Scheming – Slippery – Crafty – Treacherous – Evasive – Immoral – Conniving – Unethical – Underhanded4. LURING/SEDUCING – Manipulative – Secretive – Sensual – Seductive – Conspiring – Crafty – Concealing – Sly – Sneaky – Scheming – Devious – Immoral – Conniving – Unethical – Slippery – Shifty – Deceitful
5. BEING POLITE – Nice exterior – Political – Withholding – Diplomatic – Refined – Tactful – Discreet – Smooth – Modest – Discreet – Bashful – Reserved – Politically correct – Self-Censoring
6. PLOTTING – Manipulative – Secretive – Underhanded – Tricky – Conspiring – Weaselly – Immoral – Sly – Sneaky – Undercover – Scheming – Devious – Concealing – Crafty – Treacherous – Deceitful – Conniving – Unethical – Underhanded – Evasive – Corrupt – Shady – Slippery – Shifty
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Hi Michael,
Your post appears to be part of the “Seducing Actors” section. But this Day 2 Assignment Forum page is part of the “Dramatic Devices” section which comes after. I believe your post is in the wrong spot. If you look to the right on the main forum page, you can see which section the assignment pages are a part of.
Thanks, Lisa
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Lisa, I realized that too late. I apologize for the miscue. I have done that several times. Sorry.
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DAY 2 Dramatic Devices
Lisa’s Conflict and Tension
What I learned is that I need to always think about raising the tension and conflict even though I’m writing a Christmas movie. I need to improve my subtext too. This is a scene that is not in my present Outline, but I will probably add it. The characters are evolving, and I’ve changed the Tilly character to Mary’s sister to make the tension higher since Tilly is now with Peter, Mary’s ex-husband.
INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Mary enters the Snowmobile shop. Tilly is going over paperwork.
MARY
Where’s Peter?
TILLY
What do you want?
MARY
To talk to Peter.
TILLY
He’s busy.
MARY (walking into the back room)
Is he in the back?
TILLY (stepping in front of Mary)
I said he was busy.
MARY (in Tilly’s face)
As you well know, “Aunt Tilly”, we have children together and when I need to talk to Pete, you’re not going to stop me.
TILLY
Well, I’m taking care of him now and you’re not going to upset him.
MARY
Mother would be so proud. (pushing by her) Peter?!
INT- BACK ROOM OF SNOWMOBILE SHOP – DAY
Tilly follows Mary into the back room. Peter gets up from his perch.
PETER
What do you want Mary?
MARY
I want to be able to talk to you without her stopping me. (turning to Tilly) Can we have some privacy please?
PETER
You can talk in front of Tilly.
MARY
This is none of her business.
PETER
Til give us a minute.
Tilly leaves the room in a huff.
PETER
What’s so important?
MARY
First, I want to know if you are still doing the work…going to your meetings.
PETER
It’s really none of your business. But I go.
MARY
The girls are asking if you’re coming over for Christmas. (politely) I am inviting you to come see the kids on Christmas.
PETER
I’m not coming without Til.
MARY
Can you just come alone?
PETER
You bring that man around them and it’s wrong. He’s your boss. I don’t approve.
MARY
Okay. I get the point. (almost to herself) I don’t even know what we are. Come over Christmas day for the girls…please. And you can bring her.
PETER
She deserves to see her nieces too. But I can’t promise anything yet.
MARY
Why not?!
PETER
I’ve got things to do.
MARY
I’ll be sure to tell your daughters that you had things to do! Merry Christmas!
Mary storms out.
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Day 2 – Anita’s Dramatic Devices (Conflict)
What I learned doing this assignment: Small actions or even tone of voice can convey conflict. It doesn’t have to be a big splashy gesture to let the audience read your character’s tension. While I think projecting inner conflict can be more challenging, I think it is rewarding. I added several elements along the way to spin out the tension longer than I normally would have without this assignment.
Write a 1 – 5 page scene with a central conflict that continues throughout the scene.
EXT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Danica drives slowly past a Planned Parenthood Clinic. The building is nondescript and the signage discreet. She chews her lower lip as she drives by.
Danica has circled the block and comes back around to approach the parking lot adjacent to the Clinic.
She almost makes another pass and then suddenly turns in.
She’s breathing heavily as she parks the car and turns off the engine.
Danica gets out of the car and locks it with her key fob. It’s only then, when she turns, that she notices a group of about 12 people standing nearby in a circle holding hands.
They stand at a respectful distance from the Clinic and make no move toward or even eye contact with Danica, who is very relieved.
Then the group starts singing a moving rendition of “Amazing Grace”. They may not be looking at Danica – but she can certainly HEAR them.
RELIGIOUS CHORUS
Amazing grace
How sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see
For a moment she’s like a deer in the headlights. Then, head down, Danica resolutely marches to the Clinic’s front door and goes in.
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – CONTINUOUS
It’s a quiet and calm reception area, if not a bit sterile, populated by two other seated women. Danica is again breathing heavily, the church hymn resonating in her ears.
Even though the kind receptionist at the windowed desk asks quietly, Danica still jumps.
RECEPTIONIST
Can I help you?
(beat)
DANICA
Yes. I – I have an appointment. Danica Brahms.
The receptionist checks her computer, nods and hands her a clipboard with papers.
RECEPTIONIST
We have all your pre-procedure appointments and paperwork in order. Please review this and make sure all the information is correct, especially your insurance. Then sign the final form.
Danica takes the clipboard and moves numbly to one of the chairs.
Her ears are ringing and her eyes are blurry as she looks down at the paperwork.
A nurse comes in. Her announcement startles Danica who is all nerves.
NURSE
Jane?
The two other women both move as if to stand and look at each other.
NURSE
Jane BROWN.
One of the young women gets up and follows the nurse out as the other sits back down.
Danica returns to the paperwork. She signs it quickly and mechanically hands it back to the receptionist, sitting once again.
The same nurse as before opens the door leading into the back of the clinic.
NURSE
Jane?
This time the second woman follows the nurse into the clinic’s medical area.
Danica now sits alone. She’s perched on the edge of the cushioned chair. She watches the clock on the wall. She listlessly picks up then tosses down a dog-eared magazine without even glancing at it.
NURSE
Danica?
Again, Danica startles, but she gets up and obediently follows the nurse back into the clinic’s warren of rooms. She’s led into a small procedure room crowded by a medical exam table with stirrups.
There’s one small high window in the room.
But all Danica can focus on is those stirrups.
The nurse is giving efficient instructions as she lays out a surgical gown and a sheet.
NURSE
Put these on, tied in the front with the sheet over your lap. Have a seat, and the doctor will be with you shortly. I know you were told what to expect in your counseling visit, but do you have any questions?
Danica shakes her head ‘No’ and the nurse closes the door on her way out.
EXT. ABORTION CLINIC – CONTINUOUS
The group encountered by Danica continues to sing outside. They are not loud or obnoxious; the melody is soulful and haunting.
RELIGIOUS CHORUS
‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – CONTINUOUS
Danica is now dressed in the surgical outfit provided. She sits on the exam table. She can hear the singing coming from outside the window.
A different nurse abruptly enters wheeling an ultrasound machine.
NURSE 2
(Strong Southern accent)
Why hello there honey! I’m here to get a good look at things. Just lie back and I’ll get going so you can get on with your day.
The cheerful words and tone don’t match the sense of dread Danica is feeling.
As Danica dutifully lies back the nurse plugs in the machine and taps a few keys.
All Danica can focus on is the continuous singing from outside. In her head it’s louder, more insistent.
RELIGIOUS CHORUS
The Earth shall soon dissolve like snow
The sun forbear to shine
But God, Who called me here below
Will be forever mine
The nurse exposes Danica’s tummy and unceremoniously squirts some gel on her belly…. And just as she applies the wand to Danica’s abdomen and we begin to hear a fetal heartbeat… which now seems to act like a metronome to the hymn…
A female doctor walks in, looks stricken.
DOCTOR
What’s going on?
The nurse looks startled but has yet to remove the wand from Danica’s abdomen so we continue to hear a heartbeat.
NURSE
(confused)
Doctor? I was just letting Ms. Brown get her first listen to baby…
The Doctor is livid and flips off the machine, turning to Danica.
DOCTOR
I’m sorry Ms. BRAHMS.
(hard look to the nurse)
But there’s been a small mix-up. Nurse, this patient is here for a D&C procedure.
The nurse blanches. The doctor hands some tissue to Danica to wipe off the gel. She does so, and sits up while the flustered nurse wheels the ultra-sound out of the room post-haste.
DOCTOR
Again, our apologies Ms. Brahms. We’ll get you prepped in no time. Please just lie back and relax –
DANICA
Fuck relaxing. And fuck prepping. And fuck this!
Danica, no longer the compliant patient, throws her tissues and her sheet to the ground, defiantly grabs her clothes off the wall hook and without another word or backward glance, leaves.
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Anna Harper DAY 2 Dramatic Devices
What I learned from this assignment; I want to develop these scenes further for a script in progress. However, I am not conversant with writing action/drama so am hoping I can improve on the scenes below. I am requesting gangster scripts to get more ideas, so far this all I could come up with.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
Dr. TEDDY SULEMAN Antagonist has been caught out dealing drugs.
Dr. Suleman is driving down the bush road. Cell phone rings
DR. TEDDY SULEMAN
Yes!
JERIMIAH (Mole)
Get on back here. They are headed to the office and your house. How far away are you?
SULEMAN
About 30 minutes if I floor it! I have to get there before them and destroy evidence or I am done and so are you.
Suleman reaches for a gun in the glove compartment. He screeches the car to a halt, swings the car around, and speeds off in a cloud of dust in the direction of the hospital.
A small family group of coyotes are on the road. Suleman plows into the coyotes (screaming and howling) killing the animals, and keeps on driving.
INT.Dr. Suleman’s Office/day
Sarah is frantically going through the desk drawers, not finding anything. As she steps back she notices a briefcase under the desk and pulls it out, and opens it up.
SARAH
Gotcha, you murderous bastard!
The door bangs open, and Suleman enters, lunges toward Sarah, and attempts to get the briefcase. Sarah grabs the fire extinguisher off the wall and smashes his arm. Suleman is enraged and corners Sarah grabbing the case off her and slapping her hard, Sarah screams and falls to the floor knocking her head on the desk. She blacks out briefly comes around and uses her phone.
Sarah
Suleman has a briefcase with evidence in it. He just left the hospital.
PAUL
Paul comes running into the office.
What the hell happened? Are you O.K?
SARAH
Suleman caught me with the evidence we needed. I called Manyrivers. They are ready for him.
EXT. HOSPITAL/DAY
Paul, Sarah, and Bonnie are running after Suleman
PAUL
He’s got a gun, get down!
Suleman opens the car window, draws his gun, and beings to fire on them, his car screaming around in a circle and then taking off in a cloud of smoke and dust.
Bonnie is hit.
EXT. STAKEOUT LOCATION SULEMAN’S HOUSE/DAY
Winston Smallwolf (the bear-man) and Abe Smith (father of the suicidal boy) are positioned on the roof of the house, out of sight, rifles ready. Police vehicles are positioned at the rear of the property. Officers are inside the property waiting for Suleman to enter. One police car is visible. Manyrivers takes cover behind the vehicle. Suleman screams up in a cloud of dust. Suleman fires his gun in direction of Manyrivers. A shoot-out follows. Winston shoots Suleman injuring him, Abe is wounded.
MANYRIVERS
On the radio
Abe, Winston go home, no good will come of this. He’s already wounded, we can handle this. You will get yourself killed.
ABE SMITH
That bastard just about killed my boy. We are not going anywhere.
Suleman wheels his car around, dust and gravel flying, shooting out of the window,
MANYRIVERS
Get out of the car Suleman, it’s over.
Suleman fires his gun. Manyrivers returns fire, Winston shoots, killing Suleman..
MANYRIVERS
Wilf, call the coroner’s office. Tell them to come and collect the garbage. Suleman’s doctoring days are over.
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PS81 – Dana’s Conflict
What I learned from this assignment:
This was my first run with these two characters. It was fun to explore the conflict between them. I let the dialogue flow and went back through it to find and add tension. It will need to be tightened in the next edit, but the tension between Bobby and Ellen provokes Ellen to find her strength.
This is the scene just after Ellen’s husband is shot on the air by Ryan. And Jason’s protective personality, Bobby, a twelve-year-old boy, has emerged to keep Jason from realizing what’s happened.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen eases into her chair, dazed and emotionally battered. She struggles get her tears under control.
In the control booth, Claire is at the helm with her headset on, Pete standing behind her, both watching, listening.
Ellen picks up her headset, hesitates, takes a huge steadying breath, then slips them on.
We HEAR someone new. BOBBY, another personality, a young boy of twelve.
BOBBY (O.S.)
Hello…? Dr. Ellen? Hello…?
Ellen tries to respond, stifled by fear, trembling.
BOBBY (CONT’D)
Hello…?
Ellen swallows hard. Composes herself.
ELLEN
This is Dr. Ellen…
BOBBY
(happy, surprised)
Hi, Dr. Ellen. This is Bobby. Do you remember me? I’m a friend of Jason’s.
Ellen takes a deep, recovering breath. She was expecting Ryan; Bobby is better, but not much.
ELLEN
Hello, Bobby. Yes. I remember you.
(choking up)
How — how have you been?
BOBBY
I’m okay. You know — considering.
ELLEN
Considering what?
BOBBY
I’m still with Jason. And that’s not fun. Sometimes I wish he would just go away. He’s still homeless, you know.
ELLEN
Bobby? I need to ask you for help with something. I need to ask you something. Can you do that for me? Can you answer a question for me?
BOBBY
Umm, maybe…
ELLEN
Is my husband — Is he hurt?
BOBBY
Is he — is he the really tall guy?
ELLEN
His name is Roger.
BOBBY
(whispering)
I think he’s asleep. He’s lying down over there.
(beat)
You want me to check.
ELLEN
Please…
BOBBY
Okay.
The phone travels with Bobby. We HEAR footsteps across the floor. A silent moment —
BOBBY (CONT’D)
(to Roger; whispered)
Hey, mister? Mister? You asleep? Are you in there?
(long beat; then to Ellen)
Yeah, he’s asleep. He’s not waking up. He looks really tired.
Ellen places a hand over her mouth to silence her crying. Bobby has confirmed Roger’s dead. Her worst fear realized.
ELLEN
Thank you… Bobby…
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Claire is in shock, helpless.
CLAIRE
Oh, dear God.
(to Pete)
Where is that fucking detective?
PETE
I don’t know.
INT. ELLEN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen sits at the desk. He’s working on Ellen’s laptop.
LAPTOP SCREEN – The cursor CLICKS open a folder with a list of patient files. The cursor scrolls down a list until we find PETRIE, JASON’S file. The cursor CLICKS opens file and Jason’s patient record pops opens. An attachment says photo.
Sorensen uses the mouse to scroll.
SORENSEN
Okay, asshole. Let’s see what you look like.
LAPTOP SCREEN – A photo of Jason in better years pops open full screen. He’s a young man in thirties, dark complected, before being ravaged by illness and homeless. He seems at peace and happy.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
You’re not so fucking scary. Now lets find out what makes you tick.
Sorensen presses another button.
THE COMPUTER wakes up and begins to print out Jason’s file.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen wiping her face with both hands, sniffling, controlling her emotions, recovering.
BOBBY (O.S.)
Hello…? Dr. Ellen? Are you still there?
ELLEN
I’m here, Bobby.
BOBBY
Oh, good! For a minute, I thought you went away. I like talking to you.
ELLEN
Bobby? Can you tell me? Are my daughters safe? Have they been harmed?
BOBBY
(surprised)
Are those your daughters?
ELLEN
Yes. They’re my daughters. Mackenzie and Samantha.
BOBBY
I like them. They look like fun.
Which one’s which?
ELLEN
Samantha is older. She’s twelve.
BOBBY
Hey, we’re the same age.
(shy)
I think she’s cute.
ELLEN
Bobby, may I speak to my daughters? I need to know they’re both safe. I need to hear their voices.
BOBBY
Oh, I don’t know…
Ellen’s frustration is growing.
ELLEN
(tempered)
Bobby. I need to speak with my daughters.
BOBBY
They’re in the other room. And Mr. Ryan won’t let me play with them.
(quiet; nervous)
I don’t like him. He’s scary. He has a gun.
ELLEN
But he’s not there now.
BOBBY
Yes, he is. He’s always here.
ELLEN
And where is here, Bobby? Where is here?
BOBBY
(playful)
You can’t ask me that. That’s cheating.
ELLEN
Why is it cheating?
BOBBY
Because we’re playing hide and seek. You can’t ask me where I’m hiding. That isn’t fair. You have to find us fair and square.
Bobby laughs a little kid’s laughs.
BOBBY (CONT’D)
C’mon, Dr. Ellen. Geez…
She stifles her anger with Bobby. She wants to scream at him, but can’t. She calms herself to consider another approach.
INT. ELLEN’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen, standing, pours through Jason’s file. His CELL PHONE RINGS.
SORENSEN
Sorensen. Go.
PHIL (O.S.)
(on phone)
Jack, Memphis PD tracked down the sister. She’s on the phone and has been briefed, and she wants to talk to her brother. They have a hostage negotiator sitting with her to help coach the call. What do you think?
A moment’s thought.
SORENSEN
Route the call to the station.
Sorensen bolts from the room.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen, eyes closed, still thinking.
BOBBY
(excited; almost shouting)
Hey! You know what?
Ellen jumps, startled at his outburst.
ELLEN
What, Bobby?
BOBBY
I got — I got a new — a new puppy. His name was Spotty because — because he had all these spots.
ELLEN
That’s nice, Bobby. Is Spotty there with you now?
BOBBY
(sad)
No…
ELLEN
Why not? What happened to Spotty?
BOBBY
(sad)
He’s gone. Jason wouldn’t let me keep him — because, because the shelter doesn’t like dogs. Jason made me get rid of him.
ELLEN
Maybe Jason will get you another dog. Would you like me to ask him for you?
BOBBY
(hesitant)
I don’t know. Maybe.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen bursts into the booth.
CLAIRE
Where the hell have you been?
He ignores her and drops Jason’s file to the table.
SORENSEN
My department is routing a call from Memphis. Get ready to put it through to Ellen.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
ELLEN
Bobby, is Jason with you? Can I speak with him?
BOBBY
(ticked off)
Why do you always want to talk to Jason? He’s mad at you, anyway.
ELLEN
Why is he mad at me?
BOBBY
You know — because you left. You left all of us. So no, I don’t think you can talk to him.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
SORENSEN
(to Claire)
I need to speak with her!
Claire presses the intercom button. Nods “Go” to Sorensen. He grabs the microphone.
SORENSEN (CONT’D)
(into microphone)
Ellen? Memphis has his sister on the phone. She wants to talk to him.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen is unsure about the idea. She shakes her head, remembering Ryan’s warning.
SORENSEN
(through the headset)
They have a negotiator there to coach her.
It doesn’t sound good, but she’s desperate —
ELLEN
Bobby? Jason’s sister is on the phone. She’d like to speak to her brother. Will you let Jason talk with his sister?
BOBBY
I don’t know…
ELLEN
I think Jason would like to talk to his sister. Don’t you?
Bobby hems and haws. Exaggerated kid sighs.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Why don’t we let Jason talk to his sister for a few minutes. Okay?
BOBBY
I guess…
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Claire preps the call, waits to hear the call in her headset, then points at Ellen. Go!
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Cameron Martin’s Conflict
What I learned doing this assignment is…to be thinking in the back of my head “is there enough tension or conflict in this scene?” or put another way “how do I get this character to break a personal promise?” Whether the characters mean to break each other or not, a common thread I found in both examples is that one character is forcing another character to make a choice about their personal promises. Angela may have a real end goal, but she is knowingly forcing Lester to make a choice: staying true to his wife or taking advantage of a minor? The longer Lester goes on without making that decision, the longer the tension lasts. The longer the tension goes on, the more fun Angela has, creating a feedback loop. Similarly, in the follow up example between Lester and Brad, Lester is in the position to get Brad to break. Brad wants to get rid of Lester for as little as possible. Lester places more and more pressure on Brad, until Brad makes a decision: let Lester go for everything he’s demanded. So, applying that to my scene, I wasn’t exactly sure at first how much trouble Isaiah was going to cause, but I did know I wanted him to push everyone, especially Sully, to their limits, hoping Sully would finally snap, and that when he did snap, it’d feel justified.
INT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
SULLY places ISAIAH’s closed fist in the ASSISTANT’s hand, pats him on the back and on his way off the work site.
Isaiah pulls against the Assistant, looking back at his dad, who forces himself to look away and find something else to work on.
The Assistant looks ahead and tries to get the attention of another adult.
ASSISTANT
Can I PLEASE get a little help?
Isaiah pulls out a tiny spray bottle from his pocket and spritzes the Assistant’s hand.
The Assistant recoils, clutching her hand.
ASSISTANT
What the hell did you just spray me with?
Too late. Isaiah is already gone.
Isaiah runs through the worksite, carefully putting as many obstacles between him and the assistant, while trying to get closer to his dad.
Meanwhile, the Assistant runs to Sully.
Isaiah watches the Assistant explain to his dad that he’s gone missing. He sees his dad pinch the bridge of his nose in irritation.
WORKER (O.S.)
Scram!
Isaiah looks behind him, seeing the worker.
Isaiah makes a break for it…
To an incomplete air vent…
Diving in.
The Worker tries pulling him out…
But gets sprayed in the face with more of the solution in the spray bottle.
WORKER (O.S.)
(in pain)
MOTHER FUCKER! SHIT! SHIT!
Isaiah starts sliding out of the back of the vent.
SULLY (O.S.)
What’s wrong?
WORKER (O.S.)
Your fucking kid just sprayed fuck knows what in my eyes! Fucking shit!
Isaiah crawls on the ground, unsure of whether to smile or feel guilty. He sees his next target…
Crawling toward an aluminum pipe. He bypasses much of the other equipment, ignoring their potential hiding spots. He wants the enclosed space.
Behind him, more of the worksite is in an uproar looking for him, while the worker get his eyes checked, still swearing in pain.
Isaiah makes it about halfway into the pipe…
Before a hand grabs his ankle.
Without thinking, Isaiah immediately sprays the hand.
The hand loosens its grip for a moment…
Isaiah darts forward, smiling wide…
Before suddenly getting dragged and thrown out of the pipe.
Isaiah raises the spray bottle…
And gets it smacked out of his hand.
Sully, standing over him, pins him to the ground.
Isaiah struggles.
ISAIAH
MMMMMM!
SULLY
What is wrong with you! Why can’t you just be…
Sully doesn’t allow himself to finish the thought.
Isaiah relaxes, tears in his eyes, looking off into space.
SULLY
(calmly as can be maintained)
I want you…to go. Please, just go home.
Isaiah continues looking off.
SULLY
Look at me.
Isaiah moves his head, but can’t look his dad in the eye.
SULLY
Isaiah, I need you to listen. Look me in the eye so I know you’re listening.
Isaiah looks up at his dad, and shuts his eyes tight.
SULLY
Isaiah? Kid?
(losing it)
Look at me!
Isaiah starts laughing nervously.
Sully lets go and stands up, pulling at his hair.
Isaiah gets up.
ISAIAH
Dad?
SULLY
I need your help, because I don’t know how to FIX you. I don’t care what I have to do, just freaking listen for once. Get your ass home, now!
Isaiah runs away to home.
MANAGER (O.S.)
Sully! My office! Now!
Sully grips the bridge of his nose again.
-
Day 2 of Dramatic Devices: Conflict and Tension.
June Fortunato Conflict for Retirement Scene “4”
What I learned: Helpful checklist. This is the next scene of my screenplay- which I’m writing chronologically. It follows a scene with quite a bit of conflict and tension- and this one requires a step down of conflict, although it incorporates a different and underlying tension. I will keep working to boost the tension in future passes. BTW I was glad to take time for medical research which helped with my character in this scene and will impact the rest of the story.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY- OSTEO UNIT – EVENING
A GURNEY with a bandaged and splinted Roy rolls by Suzy’s station. The ATTENDANT taps on Suzy’s desk, drops a manilla file onto it and as he pushes past and into a room:
ATTENDANT
Broken rib. Trauma to the kidney.
Dislocated shoulder. Old guy.
Suzy nods.
ATTENDANT (CONT’D)
Indigent. Stinks, too.
Suzy stands, picks up the file, opens it as she walks. The name stops her short, and she stares into the room from the hallway.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT- CONTINUOUS
The attendant settles Roy – moves the IV rack and tray table into position and shows Roy how to work the bed and hit the call button. Suzy enters.
SUZY
One day, Roy. One!
ROY
Babydoll!
He coughs and can’t get a breath. She takes his temperature.
SUZY
Don’t test me.
She inserts a port and hooks up the IV line with fluids. Then she looks at the thermometer.
ROY
I love it when you touch me.
She ignores him.
SUZY
You’re running a fever.
ROY
My Suzy Q makes me hot.
He gets an internal jab and moans. She checks his chart again.
SUZY
Knock it off. Behave or I’ll have
you transferred to another
hospital. Doc will be in to see
you.
She writes on the chart, and as she’s leaving:
ROY
I’m starving.
She halts. Turns to a cabinet and takes out an Ensure type drink, and crackers- opens everything for him and heads for the exit.
ROY (CONT’D)
You’re my Joan of Arc.
SUZY
And you’re in a heap of trouble,
Roy. Meds will kick in soon.
As she exits
SUZY (CONT’D)
And don’t move. That rib can
puncture your heart.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY- OSTEO UNIT – CONTINUOUS
Suzy walks out and her no BS demeanor dissolves. Worry, frustration and empathy tear at her. She flips through Roy’s narrative/chart and makes a decision.
-
Kate’s Conflict
What I learned doing this is it is hard to separate into neat categories the types of conflict. I loved that I found a nasty/mean side to someone I had tagged as always kind and controlled, and I seem to have dug up more backstory for her. I also realized that you can create a lot of tension by what we see people do not only what they say.
EXY. PATH FROM THE FIELD – LATE AFTERNOON
Nia is walking fast, angry and determined.
Shaunn runs after her.
SHAUNN
Nia! Wait! What’s going on?
NIA
Nothing to do with you.
SHAUNN
Maybe not but I’m your friend. Stop walking and stand still for a minute
NIA
(walking faster)
I don’t need you for this. This is mine. I have to do this.
SHAUNN
Not in this mood you don’t.
He grabs her arm. Nia spins around looking as if she might hit him.
SHAUNN
You going to hit me?
NIA
If you don’t let me go. I have every right to. Stop interfering in my life!
Shaun let’s go – stung.
SHAUNN
Interfering?? What the hell is going on with you? You come storming back to the camp, don’t say a word about why – and I don’t ask. I leave you alone. No, listen! You get bossy and cold. You’re rude to my Mom and won’t talk to Lucianna.
Nia doesn’t back down.
NIA
There’s so much you don’t know.
SHAUNN
Then tell me!!
NIA
I can’t.
SHAUNN
Why not?
NIA
Because…. Leave me alone.
SHAUNN
I can’t do that. I know about… before.
Nia is shocked and frightened.
NIA
What do you know?
SHAUNN
We all make mistakes.
NIA
What do you know about mistakes? Safe little Chinese boy, with the Tiger mother! Never had to fight for anything.
SHAUNN
This isn’t about me – it’s about you. You’re about to do something really stupid.
NIA
How dare you!
SHAUNN
Tell me what’s going on and I can help!
NIA
I don’t want your ‘help’ ! Can’t you see that?
SHAUNN
So you going to go off and wreck what’s left of your life?
NIA
Where the fuck do you get off with this?
SHAUNN
I -.
NIA
My life is my business. It’s not ‘wrecked’.
SHAUNN
Yes – since you met Darrogh you’ve…
NIA
I’ve what?
SHAUNN
Changed. You’re even more – manic. Just tell me what you’re planning to do.
NIA
Maybe there isn’t a plan. Maybe I’m just going to go and kill someone?
SHAUNN
Don’t joke!
NIA
Who said I’m joking? Now get out of my way and mind your own business. Not like your life’s perfect.
SHAUNN
You’ve gone crazy.
NIA
Maybe I like it there. Anything else?
SHAUNN
No. Nothing. I just..
NIA
That’s right. Nothing. Now can I go?
SHAUNN
Yes. Of course, but please be – careful – whatever you’re doing.
Nia walks off.
He watches her go.
EXT. NIA ENTERING THE TOWN
She walks more slowly now. Some people say hello to her, she doesn’t respond. She walks to the street where Luciana’s house is. (She’s been there before.)
As she nears Luciana’s house she slows down, then speeds up walking right past.
CUT TO:
EXT. SHAUN ON THE STREET
He is following her, keeping back.
EXT.NIA ON THE STREET CONTINUOUS.
She leans against a tree, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself.
She clenches her fists.
Then faces the tree, resting her forehead on it, her arms around it.
A sob escapes her.
CUT TO:
EXT. SHAUN ON THE STREET
Shaunn is trying to see what she is doing without being seen. He starts forward then stops as –
EXT. THE STREET
Nia straightens up, gathers herself, and turns resolutely around.
Shaunn ducks behind another tree.
Nia starts back toward Luciana’s house.
This time she enters the gate into the garden
INT. LUCIANNA’S KITCHEN
Lucianna is making tortillas, humming, light and happy.
EXT. NIA AT THE DOOR
She hesitates.
INT. LUCIANNA’S HOUSE
The phone rings.
Lucianna wipes her hands.
Answers it.
EXT. NIA AT THE DOOR.
She hears the phone and Lucianna answer it
LUCIANNA
Hello? Min! How lovely you called!
Nia is taken back.
LUCIANNA
Si. Si, I make tortillas. For you.
Lucianna laughs.
Nia is in silent agony. She raises her hand to knock and again stops.
INT. LUCIANNA’S HOUSE
Lucianna is on the phone.
LUCIANNA
I look forward to it, we have much to share, no? I’ll see you later.
She hangs up and returns to the tortillas smiling and happy.
EXT.NIA AT THE DOOR
Nia takes a deep breath and knocks forcefully on the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. SHAUNN ON THE STREET
Shaunn looks around the tree, watching as Nia knocks and the door opens.
Lucianna smiles and reaches out to embrace Nia.
Nias steps widely around her, evading her hug and walks right into the house.
Lucianna, hesitates then follows her in and closes the door.
Shaunn comes out from the behind the tree and moves a little closer.
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What did I learn from this assignment? I was totally stumped at first. I could think of some films I had watched, but nothing I had written or was in the process of writing. The following is an IP with this as the first step, with a lot of editing to create a script from the IP.
I have never consciously thought about creating dramatic irony before.
THE BITTERSWEET OF SUMMER’S END Anna Corbett (HARPER)
KEY CHARACTERS FOR THIS ASSIGNMENT
AHMED Proprietor of the Gates of India. Born and raised in Birmingham. U.K An excellent cook. Widowed, one son Abdul wants to become a human rights lawyer. Exeter University has accepted Ahmed’s son. Ahmed is very worried about the fees which are now overdue. In fact, Ahmed is clinically depressed; a nervous wreck.
MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES OBE retired. Army Intelligence and a former spy. Married to Margaret; breeder of Irish Wolfhounds. Unfortunately, she is getting a bit dotty. Margaret recently set fire to Bunny’s steak dinner.
DAVID AND GOLIATH SIS British Intelligence Officers
ANTON Serbian Spy, a thug. Not overly bright. Money Lender.
MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES
They have already vetted all of you. They know everything. What is in your bank account, or should I say not in your bank account. Of course, they know about Caleb, Stu’s marriage problems, where Maggie is, and what she has been doing. They know about Anthony’s mother, Ahmed’s problems, and Jonathan’s burnout. Cleo, and the whole bloody lot of you. They know when you take a shit. So, don’t mess with them. Got it?”
Bunny’s private army enters a large meeting room. There are only two men there, not wearing uniforms of any kind. Both have guns in shoulder holsters. The men appear to be very fit, middle-aged with nothing remarkable (other than the guns), about their appearance. Definitely not James Bond material. One of them invites the group to be seated.
DAVID
For the purpose of our meeting, I am agent David, and my partner here is agent Goliath.
We understand you all are in need of financial support. We will discuss that later. Today we are on a mission to find the Russian operative who is posing as a Serb in Anton’s gang of thugs. The Russian government is on the outs with the Serbs at present. The Russians would love to internationally cause a lack of trust in the Serbs. So, the Russian agents may seek to disclose by various means what the Serbs are up to without their knowing that the rot comes from within. Meanwhile, they use the cover of the Serbian infrastructure, satellite communications, and dark locations, to piggyback their own agenda on British soil. That is until they are ready to throw the Serbs under the bus. I must warn you that this is a dangerous mission. However, we are confident. You are valuable to us as you have no footprint. You are just ordinary civilians, and you have local knowledge. It will be easy for you to flow through your daily activities as cover. Therefore it is hoped they will not tumble to our operation. Seek, find and destroy the Russian operatives, and deport the Serbs. That is after we have finished with them.
GOLIATH
The first part of this assignment, should you decide to take it on, is to deliver the money that Caleb owes, which is now double what he borrowed, and to have Anton, who was Caleb’s contact, become interested in you. You will achieve this by being disrespectful and dismissive. We will coach you on technique. We call it The Chinese Takeaway.
Step 1. The money owed to Anton will be returned as part of our plant to lure in Anton.
Step 2. You will commit a crime. We will set up everything for you. It will be a real crime in broad daylight. You will get away with it. Anton will hear about it, he will then contact you
DAVID
Are you in, or are you on your way back to your daily life in the village?
STANLY
In.
JONATHON
Yes. What have I got to lose?
STU
We are all in, right?
AHMED
Looks like it’s a go then.
GOLIATH
Good, we start tomorrow. Ahmed, you are going to be the money delivery boy.
AHMED
Wetting himself. God is good. Mohamed help me!
Ahmed is wearing a full Sikh, orange turban, a perfectly fitted faux beard, and thick faux eyebrows. A pair of heavy-rimmed glasses complete his disguise transforming him from a contemporary Moslem man into a traditional Sikh. His outer costume is that of a Skip the Dishes delivery man.
Ahmed parks his scooter nervously takes his insulated food bag from the back cargo holder and walks over to the seafront cottage, where Caleb arranged his money loan from Anton. He rings the bell.
AHMED
Delivery for Anton!
ANTON
Opens the front door looking pissed off.
I didn’t order any food.
Silently Ahmed opens the pizza box to display bundles of cash. A handgun lies alongside the pizza box in the food bag. Ahmed removes the gun from the pizza box to his pants belt.
AHMED
This is from Caleb. You are all done with Caleb. Stay away. This is double the original loan.
Anton looks visibly taken aback as Ahmed disappears on his scooter in the opposite direction of the village centre. Ahmed rounds a corner with a waiting van with a ramp, and rides the scooter up into the waiting van; the shutter comes down and the van departs
AHMED
I think I am going to throw up. I didn’t intend to get this involved.
STU
No, you are fine. You did it, well done. We hit the first milestone.
AHMED
Actually, I am impressed with myself. It was also very exciting, even though I am sweating like the proverbial pig. I must get off this turban. I am an insult to both religions and most certainly I am going to hell. But, it was all for a good cause.
Stu, pass me some water, I am so thirsty I might pass out from dehydration.
-
Alice’s Conflict
What I learned, doing this assignment is
I wanted to do another scene, but it proved too dificult, and I turn up this one. I must admit there are more tension than conflict, which is mostly inner conflict.
INT. HOTEL#2 ROOM – NIGHT
Room is dark. Single window on the street.
Light in the bathroom.
Son of Main Commander drops down on the bed dressed and booted. Sits so, folding arms on his chest.
Lena observes him.
Comes to the bed, and pulls at right boot. There is dirty sock under it.
Lena pulls sock away, heads into bathroom and washes hands down. She comes back with wet cloth.
Takes a seat on the bad, with her back to him, and wipes his foot down. Returns to bathroom. Washes her hands.
She comes back, takes a seat on the bed, pulls at left boot, pulls sock away, and shakes it.
Goes to bathroom. Noise of water running.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
And another foot?
LENA (O.C.)
No!
She returns, holding wet cloth behind. Sits on the bed with her back to him, so that he won’t be able to see that. Washes his left foot. Heads to bathroom and washes her hands.
Son of Main Commander gets up and observes her, standing a bit aside from bathroom door.
She pulls some small barrel from medicine cabinet, and pushes it inside sexual organs.
She comes out, he holds her by the shoulder, and slaps her face.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Why have you done that?
LENA
I don’t have blood anymore…
His facial expression changes from disturbingly-depressed onto recognition. How could he hit this child?!
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
You are pregnant.
Drops dressed on the bed. She keeps standing.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
Look into window. What do you see there?
LENA
I see some man in the window across the way.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
What does he do?
LENA
He is terribly angry, points finger at us. Talks to someone inside the room. Here, he is dressing up!
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Matthew Frendo’s Conflict.
What I learned doing this assignment was how to elevate tension and conflict in a scene. This will make my scripts more intriguing, compelling and interesting for the audience.
EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT
Alicia runs as fast as she can, the monstrous beast nipping at her heels.
She’s almost at a large tree, when – BLAM! She trips and falls on her face.
She thinks it’s over – but the beast was going so fast that it trips over her and sprawls out.
She quickly gets to her feet and climbs the tree, getting up just in time as the beast is already up and coming after her again.
UP IN TREE
Alicia looks down and starts getting woozy, as she watches the monster. She looks back up, steadying herself.
ALICIA
(as if reciting)
When vertigo comes, breathe deep and count to 3…1…
She breathes deep once, looks down, and almost falls from the disorientation.
She holds on tight, trying not to lose it.
She looks around her and sees nothing…just the beast still nipping at her and trying to get up the tree.
She tries looking down again and loses he grip, catching herself just before the beast could reach her.
ALICIA
Oh God, please–
(stops, annoyed with herself)
No, no, don’t go out like Christian girl would–
(breathes deep, resigned)
If Tony’s watching. I love you and I’m sorry I couldn’t make it–
KRISTEN (O.S.)
Hey, you…you freaking idiot!
Alicia looks and sees a petrified Kristen throw a rock at the beast.
The beast looks at her like she’s crazy, as she just stands there, frozen.
The two stare at each other, beast getting more furious as Kristen gets more scared.
KRISTEN
(trying to smile)
We are all God’s creatures…
ALICIA
Run!
That broke it. Kristen runs with the beast chasing after her. Kristen jumps in a small clown car, as the beast tries to get her through the window.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Kristen is petrified as the beast lurches at her.
KRISTEN
God made a mistake with you!
WHAM! The beast throws himself against the window to get her, making the glass crack as she screams.
EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT
Alicia looks at the Kristen stuck, with the beast lurking around the vehicle.
ALICIA
Better you than me. Idiot.
Alicia looks down and gets woozy again. She also sees the Beast is still nearby. She quickly goes from her branch to another tree branch.
After the short jump, she holds herself, refusing to look down. Then she quickly jumps to another, doing the same thing.
She does one more, now getting the hang of it.
She looks to one side and sees Kristen being attacked in the car. She looks the other way and the coast is clear.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Kristen prays.
KRISTEN
(calm)
God, I never questioned you about anything–
CRACK! The beast attacks again, window breaking even more.
KRISTEN
(manic)
–but why the hell did you make this horrid thing!
EXT. BIG TOP AREA – NIGHT
She starts to go the clear side, then looks back at Kristen praying in the car. She sighs deeply.
ALICIA
Praying again? Now?
Alicia, annoyed, goes to Kristen’s side of things again. She stands above a truck full of hay. She closes her eyes and jumps.
BACK OF HAY TRUCK
Alicia smiles after she lands there, not dead. But it doesn’t last, as WHAM! The truck rocked hard as the beast tries jumping up to get her.
Now, they’re both trapped in vehicles, with the beast between them, prowling.
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Dramatic Devices Day 2
Antonio Flores’ Conflict.
What I learned doing this assignment:
As the process of writing the story develops, character, dialogue, subtext, and now conflict and tension interact with each other. I anticipate that sometimes brainstorming can hit two birds with one stone, but it might as well help us double check or enhance the overall product.
1. Write a one to five page scene with a central conflict that continue
throughout the scene. Try to use ONE OR MORE of these types of conflict:
A. Make the scene’s conflict the most compelling, juicy,
interesting problem you can.
B. Have the main character want something that is difficult
to get or achieve and other characters are trying to keep
the lead from getting it.
C. Present an internal and external conflict.
2. Once you’ve written the scene, run it back through the Conflict Checklist
to see if you can improve it.
=====================
Background: The first fight of the tournament is over. Parisa wins. Ruthless got accidentally killed in the fight.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP — THE CHAMBER – DAY
Security staff escort Parisa, Badahur and Philip back to their chamber. Once the guards are gone, the three discuss the event.
BAHADUR
This tournament’s a charade.
PARISA
They’re playing us!
PHILIP
It’s because you’re so, uh, you took the bait.
BAHADUR
They want to curb our spirit— Uh? Bait, you said?
PHILIP
They would not shoot you, big hero! Not now. Not before retrieving the payload.
PARISA
Payload?
BAHADUR
The secret.
PHILIP
So naive!
BAHADUR
But we flipped the table, right? They didn’t expect—
PHILIP
Enough! You need to start listening to me. We got to get out of here.
PARISA
Get out? But Badahur won’t make it far. And it seems that you got a flat tire, too.
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Wait until I get better and then, you and I could first—
PARISA
No! No way I’d leave him here. Besides, we have not much time. The longer we wait, the poison— you know.
BADAHUR
(to Philip)
She’s right. Hey, what’s delaying extraction?
PHILIP
Don’t know—
BADAHUR
I thought you guys were chipped.
PARISA
Chipped?
PHILIP
We have a device implanted in our body, so our position can be tracked down. Guess, there might be some kind of firewall preventing my signal to be traced.
BADAHUR
But the guards and all staff have cellphones and their signals go out.
PHILIP
We might need to borrow one of those cellphones. It’s good that we have plenty of options, uh?
BADAHUR
And send a message out?
PHILIP
(nods)
Exactly.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – WATER DISPENSER — LATER
Guards take turns to refill water bottles. The dispenser is strategically placed below ground level and covered from sunlight.
Parisa pushes Badahur’s wheelchair through a dedicated handicapped lane.
THE WHEELCHAIR…
slips off the dedicated lane
PARISA
Oh, no!
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Hey! Watch it!
Parisa, Badahur and the wheelchair slide down the sand dune until…
…WHAM! they ram on the guards queued up at the water supply.
Parisa knocks down a couple of guards. She ends up on top of them.
PARISA
Sorry, sorry… so sorry.
Awkwardly getting up. She quickly searches the pockets of the guard closest to her and snatches his cellphone.
PARISA
I’m sorry. Are you guys OK? Can you help us? I’m terribly sorry.
Badahur pretends being hurt. Guards help him.
Philip gives a hand for Parisa to climb up.
PHILIP
(to Parisa)
Oh, you’re so… useless! Look what you’ve done.
As she climbs, she…
PARISA
Oh, just put me on your list of people who don’t exist…
(hands him the cellphone) …and shut up!
Parisa pushes Philip against the guards and almost knocks everyone down again.
Philip bumps on the cellphone owner guard. He scowls at Philip and pushes him out of his way.
The other guards put Bahadur and his wheelchair back on the handicapped dedicated lane
Aided by his crutch, Philip quickly limps towards his concealed “cutting” spot behind a tent.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – HANDICAPPED LANE – CONT
Parisa joins Bahadur. She pushes his wheelchair back to their chamber.
PARISA
Do you think he will—
BADAHUR
You don’t seem to trust him.
PARISA
If you were me, you would not trust anyone.
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND TRAINING CAMP – CONT
The guard notices his cellphone is gone. He blows a whistle.
Several men rush to seize Parisa and Badahur while others look for Philip.
CELLPHONE GUARD
(pointing his gun at Parisa)
Give it back!
PARISA
(frightened)
Give back what? I… don’t understand.
Cellphone guard points his gun at Bahadur — the others start beating him.
CELLPHONE GUARD
Now you get it? Give it back!
PARISA
No! Leave him. I have nothing…
Guards keep punishing Badahur
PARISA (CONT’D)
Stop, please! You can search me!
Guards drop Badahur on the ground. Cellphone guard approaches Parisa.
CELLPHONE GUARD
Well, let’s see… where would you hide my phone?
PARISA
Your phone? Y-you’re looking for your phone? Why… why don’t you call yourself and find where it is?
Phone owner signals other guard to dial.
The sound of a phone ringing comes from a tent nearby… then stops.
Phone owner and other two run into the tent. It’s empty. They frantically search.
The guard dials again. The vibration sound of a phone in silent mode “BZZZZ” leads their attention to a silhouette outside the tent. The silhouette holds the bright screen of the device in his thumb-texting hands.
Time SLOWS DOWN as two guards dash out and around the tent. Phone owner knows they have lost precious time. Raises his gun. Aims.
THREE SHOTS hit the device, the head and body of the silhouette.
The two guards reach the secret spot where Philip bleeds for the very last time.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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Day 2: Conflict and Tension – Assignment
Mike O — Conflict
What I learned is conflict and tension keeps the audience/reader engaged, wanting to see what comes next. It draws them in on a visceral level.
[1] Write a one to five page scene with a central conflict that continue throughout the scene. Try to use ONE OR MORE of these types of conflict: Make the scene’s conflict the most compelling, juicy, interesting problem you can.
[2] Have the main character want something that is difficult to get or achieve & other characters are trying to keep the lead from getting it.
[3] Present an internal and external conflict.
She looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that twenty percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father(note of bitterness)could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon phase, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right?”
BETHANY “Yes and he was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother? “
=================================================================
[4] Once you’ve written the scene, run it back through the Conflict Checklist to see if you can improve it.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Brooklyn looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk. At thirteen, Brooklyn is tall, lanky, amazingly perceptive.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that winning percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father (note of bitterness) could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right? Your boss?”
BETHANY “He was, and Frank was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother?”
Brooklyn glares at the photo, reaches over and turns it face down.
BROOKLYN “I have been such an idiot.”
She takes the letter from the lawyer and presses it in against her chest. A poultice. Pressure bandage. The blood spilling from her chest regret as the finality hits her.
Added Types of Conflict ADDED: Characters with competing agendas: Mom, a kept woman; Daughter, wanting her father
ADDED: Someone says one thing and does another. Mom talks about family but chases money.To Increase Tension ADDED: Dialogue/Monologue that makes their conflict worse.
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Day 2: Conflict and Tension – Assignment
Mike O — Conflict
What I learned is conflict and tension keeps the audience/reader engaged, wanting to see what comes next. It draws them in on a visceral level.
[1] Write a one to five page scene with a central conflict that continue throughout the scene. Try to use ONE OR MORE of these types of conflict: Make the scene’s conflict the most compelling, juicy, interesting problem you can.
[2] Have the main character want something that is difficult to get or achieve & other characters are trying to keep the lead from getting it.
[3] Present an internal and external conflict.
She looks at her mother’s photograph, her expression one of confusion. Even betrayal.
BROOKLYN “What didn’t you tell me?”
She grabs the photograph with both hands as if to choke the truth out of it.
FLASHBACK – KITCHEN – DISTANT PAST
Brooklyn sits to a glass of tea, her mother wine. They are having a mother-daughter talk. At thirteen, Brooklyn is tall, lanky, amazingly perceptive.
BETHANY “Honey, it wasn’t another man. Rather, a lack of money that destroyed our marriage. Bills led to bickering, date night became a distant memory and civility turned cold. We grew apart.”
BROOKLYN (what else) “What did my father do for a living?”
BETHANY “He was in sales. You know twenty percent of the salesmen sell ninety percent of the products. Your father was not in that twenty percentile. Believe me, he couldn’t read people.”
BROOKLYN “I remember you being home when I was little. Were you a stay-at-home mom?”
BETHANY “Until your father(note of bitterness)could not meet the monthly obligations.”
Bethany takes a drink, waves her hand dismissively.
BETHANY “It wasn’t the sort of environment a child should have to experience. I wanted better for both of us. He couldn’t see that.”
BROOKLYN (say it) “Who left whom?”
BETHANY “I left your father. I know you believe love conquers all. It doesn’t. After the honeymoon, life gets real. Reality requires money and financial stability. Not dreams and what-ifs.”
BROOKLYN “After the divorce, that’s when you started working at the bank?”
Bethany nods, ready to change the subject.
BROOKLYN “ That’s where you met Frank?(off head nod) He was head of the loan department, right? Your boss?”
BETHANY “He was, and Frank was a great provider. The man knew the value of money and understood what stability meant, how it kept a family together.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
BROOKLYN (matter of fact) “And you from having to work, isn’t that right mother? “
Brooklyn glares at the photo, reaches over and turns it face down.
BROOKLYN (grabs lawyer’s letter) “What did you do, mother?!”
She presses the letter to her chest as the finality hits her. Brooklyn walks over to the Christmas tree and touches the homemade Christmas bulb her father made her.
INSERT – CHRISTMAS BULB
Heart shape filled with red glitter. In the center of it, the green glitter initials: JM + BM
JOSHUA (O.S.) “We are forever in love: father and daughter. Nothing and no one can change that.”
BACK TO SCENE.
Brooklyn leans in, KISSES the Christmas ornament.
BROOKLYN “I’m coming daddy.”
Brooklyn’s bewilderment turns to a look of determination. She reaches for her phone, asks directory assistance for the number to O’Hare International Airport.
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[4] Once you’ve written the scene, run it back through the Conflict Checklist to see if you can improve it.
Added Types of Conflict ADDED: Characters with competing agendas: Mom, a kept woman; Daughter, her father
ADDED: Someone says one thing and does another. Mom about family; chases moneyTo Increase Tension ADDED: Dialogue/Monologue that makes their conflict worse.
[5] Find opportunities to stretch out the tension and add those to the scene.
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