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Day 2 Assignments
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DAY 2 Anticipatory Dialogue
Lisa’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is that while it was a challenge to try to get all of the forms of anticipatory dialogue, it was fun too. This made sense to me to push the story along by making the scene include clues and foreshadowing in the dialogue.
CHARACTERS:
PETER WINTERS
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
Character Logline: Peter is a war veteran hero who is about to lose his snowmobile business due to no snowfall, and he knows that Santa Claus is real from his time in the government, so he will use that knowledge to try to save his business.
TILLY MILLS
Traits: Serious, Realist, Helpful
Subtext: Stability: Wants a lasting relationship
Character Logline: Tilly is Peter’s girlfriend and sister to Mary who is trying hard to help Peter and move their relationship along.
BERT WINTERS
Traits: Loyal, Basic, Quiet
Subtext: Peace: Wants harmony between the family members but is afraid that everyone is being torn about around him and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
Character Logline: Bert is a small-town guy of few words and brother to Peter who worries incessantly about his brother ever since he returned from overseas with PTSD.
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
Character Logline: Mary is a non-stop super mom who must rescue her ex-husband from himself, save kidnapped Santa Claus, and make the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival a success.VIOLET MILLS
Traits: Competitive, Manipulative, Conspiring, Seductive
Subtext: Jealous; Afraid of being alone so tries hard to find love
Character Logline:
ANNIE LEE
Traits: Loyal, Dependable, Diplomatic, Insecure
Subtext: Self-deprecating. Wants to be the best friend in the world, but thinks she falls short. Is insecure about her relationships all around.
Character Logline: Annie is Mary’s closest friend, but she is very tough on herself as she tries to help with the festival, Mary’s big ‘to marry or not to marry’ decision, and her on again, off again relationship with her boyfriend, Ernie.
JOSEPH BISHOP
Traits: Intelligent, Stubborn, Happy, Refined
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of losing Mary and her girlsCharacter Logline: Joseph doesn’t give up when he wants something in business or in his personal life and Mary gives him a real challenge, but his unrelenting happy disposition doesn’t always agree with Mary’s sarcastic personality.
HARRY MILLS
Traits: Curmudgeon, Blunt, Independent, Flirt
Subtext: Knows his days are numbered now that his wife died. He plans to make the most of it. Loves the ladies and hopes to get to all of them before the end.
Character Logline: Harry is Mary’s father who is a bit of a drunk and not always supportive of Mary and he misses his wife terribly but tries not to show it.
Plus, various Townspeople filling Martini’s Bar including MARGE the server
Scene 18 of “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”:
INT-MARTINI’S BAR-NIGHT
Martini’s Bar is a large, crowded bar and everyone in town congregates there for conversation, drinking, dancing, and the occasional karaoke. It’s the night before the festival starts and it’s packed. The locals have their tables and stools already steaked out, so there’s a line out the door. PETER and TILLY push past the out-of-towners to get to the bar stools where BERT, Peter’s brother, sits.
BERT
(yelling over the crowd and music)
Saved you a stool, man!
PETER
Thanks.
TILLY
Hey Bert. (leans over and gives him a peck on the cheek) I’m going to join the ladies, see you later.
Tilly gives Peter a peck on the cheek too and heads over to a large, round table occupied by VIOLET and ANNIE.
The bartender hands Bert another beer and gives one to Peter too. Peter drinks half of it down in one suck.
BERT
We got all night.
PETER
Naw, I can’t stay long. I got things to do.
BERT
You okay?
Peter hits Bert on the shoulder
PETER
Come on man. You know me, I’m great.
BERT
I DO know you and you don’t seem great to me.
PETER
I’m trying to keep it together, Bro but you don’t make it easy with all the questions.
BERT
You can talk to me, you know that.
PETER
It’s not the time or place, is it?
BERT
There’s never a good time or place. This is as good as any. Look around almost everyone who loves you is here.
PETER
Not everyone.
Bert laughs because he knows he’s talking about Mary and his daughters.
BERT
Janie and Ruthie aren’t allowed in a bar, yet.
PETER
Never! (laughs, drinks, then goes quiet)
BERT
What are you plans?
PETER
I have to get out of my current situation before I can even think about plans.
BERT
I mean tomorrow.
PETER
(angrily) Has Tilly been talking to you?!
BERT
No. But maybe I should?
PETER
No, no. Sorry. I don’t know what I’m going to do. (getting teary-eyed) I lost my family and now I’m about to lose my business. A number one loser right here!
BERT
So, there’s a reason mom called me Underdog and you Charlie Brown (pause), but we always bounce back.
Peter laughs through his tears.
BERT
(getting close to Peter’s face) Have you been taking your meds?
PETER
(sullenly) Yeah, for the most part.
BERT
You gotta take them all the time, man. You know that.
PETER
I don’t like how I feel…kinda lethargic.
BERT
It doesn’t matter, if you don’t take them then you can relapse and (talking like a kooky Dracula) I don’t want to commit you again to the insane asylum.
PETER
I don’t want you too either. (wiping away tears)
CUT TO THE LADY’S TABLE
Violet and Annie are talking while Tilly stares at Bert and Peter wondering what they’re talking about at the bar. MARGE leaves some beers on the table and Violet throws her a tip.
VIOLET
Here ya go, Marge.
TILLY
(to whomever is listening) I hope he doesn’t ruin Christmas for all of us.
ANNIE
Who? Bert?
TILLY
(coming out of her trance) No. Peter.
ANNIE
How’s that?
TILLY
I can’t talk about it. I’ve been sworn to silence. But it could be catastrophic.
Tilly motions locking her mouth and throwing away the key. Then takes a big swig of her beer.
ANNIE
I hope if it’s that big a deal you would tell everyone so we can get the hell out of town.
TILLY
I can’t say.
ANNIE
Okay then. We can’t worry about something we don’t know about.
Annie takes a drink.
CUT BACK TO BERT AND PETER AT THE BAR
PETER
(wiping tears) I can’t lose the girls, Bert.
BERT
Come on. You’re not going to lose those girls. They love you, man. You know that and Mary promised she won’t keep you from them.
PETER
What if she changes her mind?
CUT TO BAR DOOR OPENING
MARY enters the bar.
TOWNSPEOPLE
Mary! Hey, Mary! Sing for us, Mary!
Mary waves like she’s a politician. She sees her Dad, HARRY pushing up on one of the older ladies at the bar and shakes her head. She sees Bert and Peter in deep conversation and decides not to go over there. She heads to the lady’s table.
MARY
Hey, can I sit?
There’s some tension between Mary and Tilly since Tilly is dating Mary’s ex.
TILLY
Free country.
Mary rolls her eyes, takes off her coat, and sits. Mary and Violet are long time rivals even though they’re sisters too.
VIOLET
(sarcastically) Don’t you have work to do? The festival isn’t going to run itself.
MARY
I think I have time for a drink.
VIOLET
Just one. You have to be perky for the festival opening tomorrow.
MARY
I can take care of myself, little sister.
Mary motions to Marge for her usual. Mary looks around again.
ANNIE
Where’s Joe?
MARY
He’ll be along, I suppose.
ANNIE
(smiling big) He’ll be here is he knows you’re here. Are you ready for the big day?
MARY
The clock is ticking, isn’t it. We shall see tomorrow if I’m capable. If not, I’ll probably be run out of town on a rail.
Marge leaves Mary a glass of rose on the table. Mary sips.
Harry stumbles over.
HARRY
Well, well, my girls all together! Glad to see you getting along…for a change!
MARY
Hi, Dad. See you’re still making friends in all the low places.
HARRY
I should be the mayor of Seneca Falls! (laughs)
VIOLET
I think you think you are, dad.
Mary and Tilly laugh.
HARRY
I dare you girls to get up there and sing!
VIOLET
That sounds like a challenge dad.
HARRY
I bet not one of you could get up there and let go. Of course, everyone in town knows that Mary is the best singer of you three.
VIOLET
What?!
TILLY
No, she’s not!
HARRY
(leaning down to Mary’s face) Come on, girly-girl. Do it for your old dad, pleeeese.
Mary contemplates it.
ANNIE
We love it when you sing.
MARY
Joe’s not here.
ANNIE
He’ll be along, then maybe you can sing again.
Peter is staring at Mary as she stands.
HARRY
There you go, Mar!
Harry plops down in Mary’s chair and starts the applause for Mary. Mary goes up to the stage against the back wall of the room. She’s picked a Christmas tune, Kelly Clarkson’s “To The One I Used To Know.” It’s about loss love, so melancholy for a Christmas song. Applause stops as Mary starts to sing. Peter stands up and watches her.
MONTAGE of Mary in happier times; Mary and her mother baking, Mary and her sisters playing in the snow as kids, Mary and Peter in their youth, the births of Janie and Ruthie, Peter’s deployment to Iraq, and his return.
JOSEPH enters the bar and stands in the back watching Mary sing about her past. Joseph looks over at Peter standing with tears flowing down his face.
MONTAGE continues with Mary outside on a snowy night alone.
Mary finishes the song with a big note. Everyone stands and applauds Mary with howls.
TILLY
(to Violet) Maybe she does sing better than us.
Tilly heads over to the bar. Harry shakes with laughter and wipes a tear from his cheek.
HARRY
(yelling) That’ a girl, Mary!
Tilly stands in front of just looking at what a mess he is. She grabs their coats.
TILLY
(to Peter) Say goodbye to Bert.
Bert grabs Peter and gives him a bear hug.
BERT
Love ya, man
Peter can’t speak and nods same. Tilly and Peter with their arms around each other exit the bar. Mary sees them go. Then she spots Joseph standing near the door and goes over to him.
MARY
(giving him a half hug) I didn’t see you here.
JOSEPH
I got here right after you started, I guess.
Joseph is not his usual jovial self.
MARY
Oh good. I didn’t want to sing without you here.
JOSEPH
Looks like you were singing to Peter.
MARY
What? No, of course not. Yeah, it’s a song about the past, but not about Peter.
JOSEPH
You better be careful. I might get jealous of Peter one of these days.
MARY
No way. (guffaws) You have nothing to worry about. Now come have a drink. We have to leave soon, so I can get some sleep before the big event tomorrow.
Mary jokingly makes an “I’m scared” face. Violet and Annie go onstage and start singing a Christmas song and the whole bar sings along. Marge comes over to the table to take Joseph’s drink order.
FADE OUT
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Cameron Martin’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is…This assignment is like learning color theory for the first time. You know how to color and what colors go together, but you don’t know the reason why these strategies work. It’s like learning for the first time the difference between value and tone, and how Black and Red are the same value, and that when you get dark enough, true black is actually the color red toned down as far as you can go. It’s knowing why Black and Red go well together, because they’re essentially the same color, value wise. This assignment is a lot like that. Watching and studying A FEW GOOD MEN and how the dialogue keeps you hooked without any sort of action (and by extension why I start to fall asleep during 300 when that movie should speak to me) lead to a lot of strategies I try to emulate today. But this lesson brings all of those strategies into focus, talking about the “Why.” It also helped bring into focus the “SCL” for the scene. Damn, incorporating an SCL into every scene has been difficult. It’s getting easier, and keeping in mind Anticipatory Dialogue helped to frame the SCL’s for this scene in a way that felt natural and gave everyone their unique voice, especially as it came to writing more than two characters in a scene. Writing dialogue for more than two characters in a scene has been a frustrating struggle for me for years. But incorporating these techniques ahead of time really helps me to balance everything around a specific goal for the scene.
Scene used:
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
Sully asks why Jude isn’t in the bunker. Jude reveals that she was infected on her way to the bunker, and tells Sully to take it easy because they’re all going to die, regardless of what they do. Isaiah hypothesizes about a way to “cure” Jude, but she assures that there’s nothing that can be done.
SULLY: Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
(SCL – Wants to correct Isaiah’s mistake without outwardly blaming Isaiah)
ISAIAH: Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
(SCL – Wants to Segway the conversation to discussing the worms)
JUDE: Undercover, Motherly, Terse, Curious
(SCL – Wants to forget her past in her final moments)
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Sully keeps his distance from Jude, who’s actively engaging with Isaiah as he draws out the section of the space colony with a pen and paper.
JUDE
You’re certainly skilled as an artist.
ISAIAH
Do you know what it is yet?
Jude, recognizing the patterns…
JUDE
Oh, I couldn’t guess.
ISAIAH
But, if you’re a spy—
JUDE
I know, I know. I must not be a very good spy.
SULLY
About that…
Jude shifts her attention to Sully across the room.
SULLY
Why wouldn’t a Hegemony spy be in the bunker?
JUDE
What’s that? You’ll have to come closer. Old age and all.
Sully gets himself up. He feels Isaiah’s eyes on him, but isn’t ready to look his son in the eyes just yet.
SULLY
Aren’t you too valuable to stay on the outside with us? Or is it doctrine for you to…
(editing his delivery for the sake of small ears)
Close all the loops?
ISAIAH
Are you really a spy?
JUDE
What does your daddy think?
SULLY
Doubting the way you have access to and use an illegal weapon would be like Peter doubting Christ when he was on the water with him.
JUDE
I certainly wouldn’t consider myself to be comparable to Christ, seeing as how I’ve spent a lot of time on the other end of that spectrum. Still, maybe I’m misremembering in my old age, but didn’t Peter still doubt in that that moment? If memory serves, the poor lad almost drowned.
Sully, losing patience.
SULLY
Why are you on the outside of that bunker, Jude? Or is that a moniker for Judas?
JUDE
“Ye of little faith.” If you must know, you’re partially right. Doctrine does call for me to close one particular loop. Stupid me went and got myself infected.
Sully dives between Isaiah and Jude, picking him up to separate him from her.
ISAIAH
(struggling)
Dad, let go!
JUDE
The lad’s quite right. *cough, cough* Do calm down.
Isaiah worms his way out of Sully’s arms.
SULLY
How long?!
JUDE
(threatening)
You’ll want to keep your voice down.
SULLY
How much time do you have?
JUDE
(doing the math)
Oh, let’s see. *cough* Should be maybe about thirty minutes now?
SULLY
Isaiah, we have to go now.
JUDE
Would you calm down? *cough, cough*.
SULLY
Easy for you to say. You’ve got your next meal figured out.
JUDE
Pish, posh. You’ll have an answer for when they take over.
ISAIAH
Exactly, I’ve been thinking about a cure for a while now.
JUDE
Have you? That’s wonderful.
ISAIAH
Yeah, in theory—
SULLY
Isaiah, now’s not the time. We have to go.
JUDE
Go where, exactly? We’re all going to die here.
SULLY
I’m not giving up. Not on my son.
JUDE
I used to say the same thing. But you know, life’s a lot easier when you accept the inevitable.
ISAIAH
But, Jude. There’s a way. We just have to keep your lungs hydrated long enough. We can get a humidifier and get you plenty of water—
JUDE
And then what? You’d still have to extract the eggs. *cough* But, you use those smarts to help your daddy out. Maybe you two can get out of this.
(coughing becomes much more intense all of a sudden)
As for me. I don’t want to ruin a good thing.
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Cam,
Writing you here on this new assignment as my response to you on your notes from my fourth version (Assignment 10) seems to have been lost. Anyway == GREAT NOTES! I will be doing a 5th version!
Dev
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DEV ROSS – Day 2 – Anticipatory dialogue
What I learned is how naturally we all tend to speak in dialogue that hints at future events or covertly or overtly implies consequences.
Clay: Prideful, Self-righteous, a believer in his own bullshit. He desperately wants to regain the power and respect he once had.
Hannah: Demure, loving, passive. She desperately wants Clay to give up his KKK position and turn his attention to her and family. She wants to save her family.
Emmy: Conflicted, loving, afraid. She desperately wants her father’s approval but, deep down, knows she’ll never get it.
Confront someone hiding from a future consequence
Indirect prediction
Imply consequences
INT. CLAY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING
As per usual, Clay, his demurely passive younger wife Hannah, a nurse (late 30’s), and their fearful but silently rebellious daughter, EMMY, (18) eat dinner together. Clinks of silverware hitting plates and the lifting and setting down of water glasses looms large against their silence. Finally, Hannah swallows audibly – as if her food were going down dry. She wipes her mouth with a white cloth napkin and then carefully repositions it on her lap.
HANNAH
Clay, I was thinking that tonight we could have some dinner conversation. About what happened today.
Emmy anxiously looks up at her mother.
Clay wipes his mouth and sets his napkin down.
CLAY
That’s fair. Today was– disturbing.
Grabbing this opening…
HANNAH
It was honey. I can only imagine how you felt. It must have been terrible.
CLAY
It was, but Paul tells us: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
HANNAH
So, what is your way out?
CLAY
He hasn’t provided it yet — but he will.
Seeing her worry, he smiles at her in that knowing way that once took her breath away.
CLAY
He will.
Emmy clears her throat, wipes her mouth, places her napkin on her plate.
EMMY
May I please be excused?
Hannah’s eyes plead with her daughter to stay.
HANNAH
Well, I was hoping we could keep having this discussion. Though I know Daddy – with the Lord’s help – can handle it, but we need to support him on this. Families stick together – through thick and thin. Maybe we can discuss that. How we’re going to stick together.
CLAY
Hannah, please. Let’s not make more of this then what it was. We just need to go about our lives like always.
HANNAH
But, honey, people right here, turned against you.
CLAY
Yes, they did.
HANNAH
So, maybe… we should think about starting over someplace else. A nurse can always get a job…
CLAY
Hannah! People are fickle. Once I remind them what true leadership looks like, they’ll be back.
HANNAH
But how are you going to do that? No one’s listening to reason. Things could get violent.
CLAY
Like I said, God will show me the way. Do you believe that?
She doesn’t, but she lies.
HANNAH
Of course, I do.
Emmy nods emphatically.
EMMY
Me too. Now may I be excused?
CLAY
Girl, why doesn’t that boy pick you up at the house so we can meet him?
Emmy sidesteps and then plays to his hubris.
EMMY
He will, Daddy. He’s just got to get up his nerve, you know, you being who you are and all.
Clay’s ego just got boosted.
CLAY
I see. Well, okay, I’ll be patient with him then.
EMMY
Anyways, tonight’s just a bunch of us meeting up at the church for a video game contest.
Clay frowns his disapproval.
CLAY
The church is sponsoring video games now?
EMMY
The times they are a changing, Daddy. May I go?
CLAY
Go on with you then, but don’t you be changing too fast on me. You’re still my little girl.
Emmy hurriedly carries her dish to the sink.
EMMY
Yes, Daddy!
Hannah watches her go then turns to Clay and, despite her frustration that their family conversation went nowhere, smiles.
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Day 2 Writing with Boldness (Anita Gomez) Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned in this assignment: There are 2 scenes – the set-up and the pay-off. I found I was able to employ the following 5 forms of ‘Anticipatory Dialogue’: Direct prediction; Countdown; Imply consequences; Warnings; Confront someone hiding from a future consequence fairly succintly. Focusing on Dialogue is always a good exercise for me, so I don’t so much “show” as “tell”.
Character Name: DANICA (Dani) BRAHMS
Traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Subtext: Secretive / Evasive, In denial
Character Logline: Danica is an ambitious lawyer whose career and very life is put in jeopardy by an unwanted pregnancy with her married boss.
INT. DANICA’S NEW LAW OFFICES – DAY
The law offices are a beehive of activity.
Danica sits behind a desk piled high with files in a small windowless office. Just outside her door in the cubicle pool, a lunch celebration is taking place for someone’s birthday.
A co-worker pops her head into Dani’s open door.
CO-WORKER
Hey Dani, come join us!
DANICA
I’m swamped.
CO-WORKER (laughing)
Aren’t we all?
Danica resigns herself to join in. She stands and comes around the desk. Her co-worker’s eyes pop!
CO-WORKER
Hey! You look like a ripe melon! When are you due?
Danica looks down at her own round belly, almost in surprise.
DANICA
Ummm –
CO-WOKER
You know you should be home sleeping, not here slaving away, because once that baby shows up I can tell you from experience – sleep becomes a distant memory!
Just then the “Happy Birthday” song breaks out in the office and her co-worker turns to join in.
Dani’s left standing with both hands on her hugely swollen belly looking down at it like an alien has taken residence there.
INT. DANICA’s APARTMENT – NIGHT
Danica enters the utilitarian apartment. Her arms are loaded with law books and she walks straight to a room serving as her study – dumping them on the already over-loaded desk.
Several titles reference the LSAT’s – obviously she’s studying for her Louisiana State Bar Exams.
For a minute she stands absently rubbing her belly. Then she tosses off her coat and sits down to grab a book.
INT. DANICA’s APARTMENT – LATER
Her sleeves are rolled up, an empty coffee cup and 2 pop bottles add to the clutter of legal pads and books on her desk. Danica gets up and stretches her back, wincing.
She walks (‘waddles’) around the small apartment, hands on the small of her back. The study is one of two bedrooms, the master a simple functioning space. Neither the living room nor kitchen reflect much personality – she obviously lives alone, and doesn’t spend much time here.
There is no sign of impending motherhood. No nursery, no crib, no cute baby items strewn about.
SUDDENLY a puddle of liquid forms at her feet. Dani’s water has broken but she only looks confused until another pain, this one quick and sharp, has her reaching for her phone.
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June Fortunato’s “Anticipatory Dialogue” Day 2 Boldness
What I learned: I added a scene in-between what I’d posted earlier and show it here. I also continued writing after the court scene. For the sake of continuity, I include them all.
Roy Traits: Explosive side, charming, seductive, guilt, rescuer impulse, wit, rejection of authority. Logline: Horrified Roy might have to take benefits from a government he loathes when his body is ruined but he falls in love with Kim and has to talk her into how good it could be.
Kim Traits: Wounded, angry, betrayed, acts fearlessly, clever, masks her vulnerability by play acting, deep empathy. Distributes goodies as well as steals. Logline: Kim wants her inheritance which was stolen by her brother so Kim escapes his brutality, and sneakily damages the house again and again to make her point.
Suzy Traits: Self less, deep empathy, afraid to stop going, longs to believe in the good, matchmaker for all kinds of things. Logline: When Suzy finally dumps Roy, he returns all broken to her osteo unit. She tries to get him fixed up in several ways: physically, with his financial benefits and with a place to live to make sure he never returns to her.
Tara
Marilyn Traits: Self effacing and insecure. Admires others. Goes back on decisions- Super worrier. Charming/polite, Tender hearted. Veneer of self-assuredness. Logline: When Marilyn is duped by Kim, and as a result, breaks a hip, she needs someone to pet sit and watch her house. Suzy suggests Roy and Marilyn will be damn sure to grill him in a super polite way to ensure all will be well.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – NIGHT
Roy heads for one last wiz before he hits the wild. He stares at a nice suit, left for him to wear in the morning. But in the toilet blood. A lot of blood.
INT. THEATRE- NIGHT
The stage is bare except for a sole GHOST LIGHT and a BABY GRAND. Kim has found her place. She sets a GLASS of WINE and CHOCOLATES on the piano and crosses down center. She looks into the empty house and opens her arms wide.
KIM
My friends I’ve missed you so.
She goes to the piano, slides her hand seductively across the top, takes a leisurely sip of wine and sits down to play. The solemnity suggests a ballad. She tests the keys, warms her voice, and then accompanies herself with sudden vigor.
KIM
Mademoiselle from Armentieres, Parlez-vous, Mademosielle from Armentieres, Parlez-vous, Mademoiselle from Armentieres, She hasn’t been kissed for forty years, Hinky-dinky Parlez-vous. She might have been young for all we knew, Parlez-vous, She might have been young for all we knew, Parlez-vous, She might have been young for all we knew, When brother and wifey took her loot, Hinky-dinky parlez-vous. She never could hold the love of a man, Parlez-vous, She never could hold the love of a man, Parlez-vous, She never could hold the love of a man, Until she met the guy from Nam, Hinky-dinky Parlez-Vous, I didn’t care what became of me, Parlez-Vous I didn’t care what became of me, Parlez-Vous I didn’t care what became of me so I went and joined the indigency, Hinky-dinky Parlezvous,
DISSOLVE TO:
The music continues under the next scene as people file into the courtroom.
INT. COURTROOM- THE NEXT MORNING
Roy wears the suit. Suzy watches from the viewing area. The judge examines the papers.
KIM & ROY (V.O.)
They say they do it out of love, Parlez-vous, They say they do it out of love, Parlez-vous- They say do it out of love, they take our rights and give us a shove, Hinky Dinky- Parlez-vous.
Settling noises; throat clearing.
JUDGE I understand that both sides have negotiated a deal.
DENNY Yes, your honor.
LAWYER 2 Yes, we have, your honor. We agree to accept compensation and drop charges, your honor.
JUDGE
Mr. Dent, in light of the fact that you were evidently a man of valor, and have compensated your debts, I will grant this full exoneration on one condition… You have six weeks. Six. To establish a permanent residency. Do you understand?
DENNY Yes your honor.
JUDGE Mr. Dent?
ROY Yes, sir. Yes sir. Six weeks.
JUDGE Six weeks, or you will permanently lose your financial benefits.
DENNY Thank you, Sir, for your extraordinary efforts on behalf of Mr. Dent.
JUDGE I’m a fellow veteran. And a human. We lapse.
Roy salutes him.
LAWYER 2 Thank you, sir.
The judge bangs his gavel. All rise. The judge leaves. Suzy hugs Roy.
SUZY You did it, Roy. You did it! Be happy.
DENNY La Croix?
SUZY That sounds wonderful.
Suzy and Denny leave. Roy stands there. Finally, Hospital attendant Tim helps him into a wheelchair, and he is pushed out.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-SUZY’S STATION – AFTERNOON
The phone rings. There’s no one there to answer it.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT- MARILYN’S ROOM
Tara settles a groggy Marilyn into her bed.
MARILYN I have to go home.
TARA Ms. Carter, you just had surgery.
MARILYN My dogs. I can’t get ahold of my neighbors.
TARA Is there someone else you can call?
MARILYN I’ve got to go home.
Marilyn tries to get up and gets twisted. Pain!
TARA Ms. Carter, please. Don’t bend. Your hip won’t set right and you’ll fall again.
Tara repositions Marilyn.
MARILYN They can’t wait. My babies are desperate by now.
TARA And there’s no one else?
MARILYN My daughter lives in London.
Tara sympathizes.
TARA Let me see what I can do. I’ll make some calls. In the meantime, don’t shift. You may have already displaced that joint.
Tara walks out of the room.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY-SUZY’S STATION – AFTERNOON
Call lights are above several doors. Tara is stressed – and then sees Suzy at the station.
TARA Hero of the day.
SUZY Hey Tara. Picking up my keys.
TARA You didn’t learn your lesson?
In the manner of “Roy.”
SUZY “In-ten-tional.” I left them when we took Roy over.
TARA Sooo – no big plans with Mr. Fancy Pants on your day off?
SUZY Didn’t tell him I have off. But if you ever feel rich, get treated to La Croix.
TARA I’ll bet. … Suzy…
SUZY What’s up?
TARA Slammed.
SUZY OK.
TARA Hand holding.
SUZY Uh Huh.
TARA Sweet lady. Older. She didn’t expect to be admitted. Her pets are alone.
SUZY I got this.
Suzy heads for Marilyn’s room – as she goes.
SUZY Roy get back OK?
TARA He’s in there, moping about Fancy Pants. And the new antibiotic isn’t working.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT- MARILYN’S ROOM
Suzy enters Marilyn’s room.
-
Kate’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is it is hard for me to write to meet a format but it pays off as I found a variety of new and subtle (?) ways to build the forward motion of the story.
NIA
• Traits: Kind, Hopeful, a little Manic, Principled, (In Denial, Self-censoring)
• Subtext: In denial, Self-Censoring
• Character Logline: Nia is a naive young woman who must find her personal courage to face the truth of her father and family.
• Possible areas of subtext: she insists D will change, she believes love can fix everything, she doubts other versions of her ‘truth/story’, she brushes away help and support, she almost turns down real love, she doesn’t speak up to D even when she doesn’t agree with him
SHAUN
• Traits: Kind, Romantic, Shy, Uncertain, Dutiful
• Subtext: Evasive, Resentful
• Character Logline: Shaun, only son of a Tiger Mother, whose chosen lifestyle in the theatre causes conflict with his Mother, to whom he knows he owes his life, which in turn makes him feel guilty and resentful finds courage to speak his truth..
• Possible areas of subtext: Shaun is passive aggressive with his mother, uncertain and hesitant with Nia, feeling unworthy, and torn between what he want to do and what he thinks is expected of him.
AND SEVERAL OTHER CHARACTERS
(Immediately prior to this scene: Nia has been kicked out of Darrogh (her Father’s ) house. He also told her that Lucianna was responsible for her Mother’s death. )
EXT. TROUPE’S CAMP – EARLY EVENING
Shaunn and a few others are sitting around a campfire when Nia (having hiked up the hill) puffs in.
NIA
Hey, everyone.
Shaunn jumps up at once, and pulls up a camp chair for her.
SHAUNN
Nia! Great to see you. Here, sit down.
Nia drops into the chair clearly shaken.
MERCEDES
Not looking so good Nia. What’s happened?
SHAUNN
Give her a moment, she only just sat down.
MERCEDES
Ok, ok. But you can’t put off dealing with whatever it is and it is something.
SHAUNN
I know. We will, but for now can’t you see she’s exhausted? Let’s chill for a moment.
MERCEDES
That’s typical of you. One day Shaunn, you’re gonna have to jump right in to whatever it is you’re dealing with.
SHAUNN
Whoa! This isn’t about me. It’s her! And I bet it’s him.
MERCEDES
Who?
SHAUNN
Darrogh! Another stunt he’s pulled.
SARAH
Nia? Are you ok?
Nia rallies and finally addresses them.
NIA
Yes, yes. Well, no. Not really.
SHAUNN
What the hell has he done?
NIA
He kicked me out! I barely had time to grab my backpack.
SARAH
Oh Nia! I’m so sorry.
NIA
It’s ok. I needed to get out anyway. It was too, too…
SHAUNN
What? Did you think he was going to hurt you?
NIA
Noooo .. I don’t think so.
SHAUNN
That bastard!
MICHAEL
Calm down, Shaunn. You go off like that you’ll only make it worse.
MERCEDES
Whatever ‘IT’ is…
NIA
It can’t be worse. He’s got a spy. Watching me. Us.
SARAH
Who?!
NIA
That measley guy in the bow tie.
MICHAEL
Bill. He is kinda Darrogh’s spokes-person. Darrogh never talks to anyone.
NIA
He used to me talk to me. Not anymore. He’s all alone in that house and he won’t let me or anyone help him. It’s not good.
The group exchange glances.
SARAH
You don’t have to look after him. It’ll hurt you even more than now.
NIA
He’s my father! It doesn’t matter what he’s done. I have to love him.
SHAUNN
No, you don’t. Not if he doesn’t deserve it.
MERCEDES
(suspiciously)
What else did he say?
NIA
That doesn’t matter. What matters is saving the field. We’ve got to get the land back! Shaunn?
SHAUNN
Why are you looking at me?
MERCEDES
This might be a chance for you Shaunn.
SHAUNN
For what?
Mercedes begins to speak, Nia cuts across her.
NIA
We can’t wait forever on this. You have to try again – you and Michael as the businessmen. Go back.
SHAUNN
It didn’t work!
SARAH
So? Do you want to go through life quitting when something doesn’t work the first time?
MICHAEL
That’s not fair Sarah.
SARAH
I’m with Nia. If we don’t act now – try again – it will be too late. And we’ll have to live with that the rest of our lives.
NIA
Your Mom, Shaunn. We need her.
SHAUNN
I already asked her and she said no.
NIA
You didn’t ask her about this! Come on. She’s the best. You’ve said it yourself! She never loses a deal.
MERCEDES
I want to meet her. And you Shaunn, are the only one who can get here! If you’re up for it.
Shaunn is trapped.
NIA
Those bulldozers are on their way.
SHAUNN
She’s a busy person. I don’t know if she’ll can drop everything and just come!
MICHAEL
And we can try again. Maybe get some ‘agreements to sell’ from the other farmers. Bob, Ian- they would. At least on paper.. with contingencies etc.
NIA
I bet your Mom would help us draw up some secondary offer thing – she did before. ‘Til she got here.
SHAUNN
Yes. She did.
NIA
So, we go with that? Buy us some time?
SHAUNN
I’ll call her. See what she says.
NIA
Oh Shaunn! I knew you could do it.
SHAUNN
Do what?
There is a moment as the friends look at each other. They know about Shaunn’s difficult relationship with his Mother.
MERCEDES
Talk to your -.
SARAH
(quickly)
Help us.
SHAUNN
Of course I will. There’s no guarantee but I’ll try.
NIA
Don’t wait. Call her now.
They all look at him. He stands up, takes out his phone.
SHAUNN
I’ll go to the edge of the hill. Better service.
As he walks away, they all look at each other.
MERCEDES
And if this doesn’t work…
NIA
It has to.
MICHAEL
And let’s get Lucianna up to speed.
NIA
No. It’s okay. We don’t need her for this.
There is a surprised silence.
SARAH
Ookaay.
NIA
Look, what do we know about her really? We’ve already seen she’s pretty much out for herself.
MICHAEL
Maybe but in this case it’s all to the same end.
Another pause.
NIA
Sure, then go tell her. But don’t come to me if it backfires.
Nia stands and walks off a little, toward Shaunn on the phone.
MERCEDES
“I fear too early, for my mind misgives
Some consequence yet hanging in the stars.-
MICHAEL
(completing the quote))
Shall bitterly begin his fearful date
With this night’s revels, and expire the term
Of a despisèd life closed in my breast
By some vile forfeit of untimely death.”
SARAH
R and J – hardly applicable.
MERCEDES
Wait and see.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Anticipatory Dialogue
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create dialogue that will keep the audience hooked into the movie and cause them to wonder what will happen next. This will make my scripts a better read at every level.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner
Subtext: Crafty
Name: Host
Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
EXT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia is staring at a warped version of herself in the mirror outside the hall. It starts to freak her out and she starts to get dizzy, until she jerks herself back to reality.
Where the rest of the group are in breakdown mode–
STAN
That thing just ate him man. Just ate him like me eating Fritos after a bong rip. Oh, what I would give for a bong rip!
NICK
Tripping out ain’t gonna help.
JOSH
If the strongest guy here died before the game even started, what chance do we have?
NICK
You guys got no chance. But I plan to survive.
JOCELYN
That’s a dickfuck thing to say!
KRISTEN
We only have to survive for two hours. My faith in God will hold me–
They all sigh loudly. Jocelyn starts pacing nervously.
JOCELYN
They’re gonna release the first beast any minute.
JOSH
Which you think it will be?
NICK
Don’t matter. Gonna survive either way.
JOSH
I hope it’s not the wolf.
At the sound of “the wolf” everyone gets quiet.
NICK
Why would you bring up the wolf?
Nick gets up, nervously pacing too now.
JOSH
Only one person survived these and he was way stronger than any of us. And that was with the older monsters. The newer ones–
NICK
Fucking shit, man. Shut up!
Josh gets quiet as the air gets thick with dread.
STAN
There’s really no way for us to survive, is there?
JOSH
Maybe it was better to not have watched them first. Then I wouldn’t know what’s coming next.
KRISTEN
If anyone here was waiting to get good with God–
They all sigh again.
KRISTEN
I’m just trying to be nice! There won’t be much time after this!
STAN
Fuck, what do I got to do?
They all look at him.
STAN
I did a lot of crazy shit at parties, man. And this whole forgiveness-Heaven thing is starting to sound way less lame than it used to the closer death approaches.
Alicia starts to walk off.
STAN
Hey, where you going?
ALICIA
Find a place to hide.
JOSH
You really think you can hide the whole game?
ALICIA
Don’t need to hide the whole game. Just better than all of you.
They all look at each other suspiciously, realizing she’s right. Nick then takes off into the trees.
Jocelyn makes her way in the opposite direction.
JOSH
I’m looking for weapons.
Stan follows along with him.
STAN
So, how bad’s this going to be, man?
Josh just looks at him and shakes his head in disbelief.
Kristen, now alone, looks around. Then she starts singing–
KRISTEN
Amazing Grace, so sweet the sound–
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host turns to the audience after watching what just happened, smirking.
HOST
O-kay! Guess we know who the second victim will be tonight.
The audience laughs.
HOST
And our players are already making the worst mistake they can. They’re splitting up. Each doesn’t stand a chance on their own, yet fear is making them do it alone anyway.
Solemn music starts playing.
HOST
It’s the same with our society. Individualism, independence – these are words not used in a modern, benevolent society. No, these are the words of cretins, those who never learned to put other people and the state above themselves.
The background music turns holy.
HOST
As you know, I created these games 30 years ago as a way to keep society in check. And they have worked. By sacrificing the least good members of our huge family, we remain free of any violence and crime. By coming together in violence, we find love. By embracing our vengeance, we find peace. And those who long for days of independence and freedom, well–
(quick beat)
In short, these people become beast meat.
(big smile)
And we get to watch! Start the hunt!
Crowd cheers loudly.
-
Alice’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is I have possibility for Anticipatory Dialogue at many places, but it amounts to one sentence by someone. Or they are spread here and there. And even one scene doesn’t have it at all, but maybe silence at a time.
I picked up following scene, because it was suitable, having some dialog. Then I thought, this doesn’t bring any consequences. Then I viewed it from another side, and thought it has it, because this implies danger lying ahead.
Protagonist
Name: THANAKH
Traits: Suspicious, Respectful, Argumentative, Intelligent
Subtext: Research, observation
Character Logline: Thanakh is a scientist, working as Head of the Lab at Research Institute who lost his girlfriend and must find out who is behind missing cases at RI to bring things to justice.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Lab is suspiciously empty, as if most stuff was removed from here. Just on the table large model works, set in motion.
Thanakh silently stands before model, watching two balls with attached rods running up and down in thin air inside the frame. Turns look at two guys, sitting down there.
THANAKH
Waiting?
One nods.
ANOTHER GUY
Yes.
Thanakh looks back at flying object.
THANAKH
Are you all right?
FIRST GUY
Almost. We walk in the herd. Yeah, from the time we heard of it.
THANAKH
Lost anyone?
ANOTHER GUY
Two.
Thanakh hesitates.
THANAKH
Man or woman?
Guys exchange looks.
FIRST GUY
Two girls. We were four. From that time we walk and seep together, and carry guns.
THANAKH
Be careful.
Turns to get out.
ANOTHER GUY
Should we accompany you?
THANAKH
No. Continue to go in a herd and further on.
Exits.
CORRIDOR OUTSIDE
Thanakh distance a bit along deserted corridor. Door behind him continues to be slightly open.
He turns back and hits with the door in a rage, opening it.
THANAKH
Why you don’t lock?
ANOTHER GUY
We are waiting for them.
Thanakh turns to go, but looks back, to meet The Guy’s look.
-
DAY 2 Anna Harper Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned from this assignment; With these concepts front of mind, I believe I can write a better screenplay, a more entertaining screenplay. I can use the template given to check that there is plenty of anticipation.
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create a reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange timeThe Bittersweet of Summer’s End The Village Fringe 2
SITUATION
A group of local village men(friends) are meeting in secret for after-hours drinking. They all have money problems, spouse problems, and are contemplating some ‘contractor work’ with SIS.
LEAD CHARACTERS FOR THIS SCENE
LORD STUART WITHALL aka Stu (Protagonist)
Traits
Dated ideas about women. Likes to get his way and be dominant in all matters., Lord of the Manor (which he is) basically a decent person. There is no real money from an inheritance. Hardworking farmer/fisherman.
SubText Character Logline
Stu is somewhat of an outlier, yet he likes to join in. He is secretly unsure of how deep his friendships go or how stable his marriage to Maggie is.
MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES aka BUNNY (Protagonist)
Traits
Ex-Army Intelligence through and through. His comportment is ex-army, his thoughts and interests in world affairs are all from the POV of his glory days in the army. He is totally loyal to Queen and his country. Has buried someone he killed in a local field. Bunny is a very competent individual, he is a human version of a Swiss Army knife.
SubText Character Logline
Bunny wishes he was back in action. He believes that his village men friends all need discipline and that their various problems stem from a lack of discipline. He firmly believes the government should bring back conscription.
INT. STU’S HORSE AND TRACTOR BARN, WITHALL MANOR/NIGHT
STU
That bloody rain is coming down in sheets again.DAVID
Aye, and the wind almost lifted me off my feet. Dark as Satan’s arse out there.
STANLEY
Friggin bloody cold, wind coming in through the single glazing, and the hot water heater is on the blink.”
NOTE 5
IMPLIES HOPELESSNESS
RICHARD
It’s not even winter yet.
NOTES 2 AND 7 IMPLIES INDIRECT PREDICTION AND WARNING
STU
The tide was vicious today, right up the sea wall. Almost impossible to get the lobster pots up and nearly buggered the boat trying to dock. Really too crap weather to be out. Had to go and do the job, the Manor has dinner on for the paying guests this weekend, with lobster promised on the menu. I am getting too old for this malarky.
STANLEY
Put some of that rum in the tea, mate, you’ll feel better.
NOTE 2 INDIRECT PREDICTION
MAJOR BUNNY HOLMES
Caleb is off our hands, in the brigg, for now. They’ll get him dried out and his head straight. After a spell in an army rehab, he is not going to want to go back. He will have his priorities straight, I am sure of it, and would stake my medals on it.
NOTE 1 DIRECT PREDICTION
STU
Hope you’re right, Bunny. This is the second time we have had to bail him out of big trouble.
He’s going to kill himself if he doesn’t get his drugs and drinking and gambling under control.
NOTE 1 DIRECT PREDICTION
DAVID
Well, if he doesn’t off himself by killing his liver, I think Cleo might. She has got one helluva temper.
PAUL
Stu, you know we bailed you out too with that all hands on deck major event at the manor, so don’t be too quick to judge.
STU
Bunny is right. And, in fact, we all benefited. All the little businesses in the village were given a boost. All the families who live here had a good payday. Thanks, Paul, for keeping us straight. No bullshit, you are right. As I remember, you were the right-hand organizer, and it was a mammoth event. I forget how many thousand we had over the weekend, and all those posh dinners that came afterward.
NOTE 4 IMPLIES CONSEQUENCES
PAUL
No, it was not me, it was nearly all Maggie. I hope you are keeping her happy, Stu, and paying her well. She is still keeping the money rolling in, isn’t she?
STU
We are married now, so it’s all one kind of pot. You know how it is.
DAVID
She is very smart. Perhaps she should be here helping us out with suggestions and the like.
NOTE 6 SHIELD FROM CONSEQUENCES IN ADVANCE
STU
Well, David, I think this might be too much right now. She seems to be in a bit of a funk, too much work. I think she is pissed off with me too, just going by the funny atmosphere.”
NOTE 7 WARNING
STANLEY
You need to get pressure off Maggie, or you will end up in the divorce courts like me, with all the thousands of pounds you work for going into lawyer bills and marital support.
NOTE 10 A CHALLENGE IS ISSUED
STU
What are we going to do about all the various messes we are all in? Anything or nothing?” Are we going to take down the Serbs and Russians or not?
NOTE 8 CREATE A REPUTATION FOR THE VILLAN
BUNNYWell, men, we all have issues. But we are not in WW2 in bomb shelters or in the trenches fighting in mud and bombs going off all around. We can think of something. I’ve been giving it some serious thought. A lot of thought since the other night. However, we may have to do a little evil to do a lot of good. It is our duty to succeed. I think I have a way involving a modest amount of skullduggery while serving the Queen and country at the same time.
STANLEY
What do ya mean, Bunny?
NOTE 7 WARNINGS NOTE 4 IMPLY CONSEQUENCES
BUNNY
We might need a sort of ’cover crime’. It is going to be very, very dangerous, make no mistake. We could be injured or killed. On the other hand, we could come out with a bag of money and cover ourselves in silent glory.
STU
Bunny, have you completely gone off your rocker?
-
PS81 – Dana’s Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned from this assignment:
This scene introduces Detective Sorensen. I created reputation, discussing Sorensen before we meet him, and used Direct Prediction to send him off to investigate the initial call from Jason threatening Ellen. It may be considered Indirect Prediction as I infer his investigation may not yield a result.
This is a second version of this scene. The first version involved a family annihilator involving suspicious circumstances that resemble the crime Sorensen is about to investigate. I’m not sure which to use, but this scene seemed more confrontational and a better introduction to the character.
Character Name: Detective Sorenson
Traits: confident, controlling, cynical/sarcastic, compassionate
Subtext: Clandestine, diplomatic
Character Logline: Det Sorenson is assigned to the investigation and must strengthen Ellen to keep her engaged with the suspect to save her family.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Sorenson conducts the investigation outside of Ellen’s purview to shield her; he encourages Ellen to engage her patient even after he kills her husband.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM – DAY
JEREMY BENNETT, snotty little rich boy in his mid-twenties, smug, arrogant, Armani jacket, sits in the hot seat being questioned. He’s been here for hours, but he’s all smiles.
VOICE (O.S.)
Daddy’s money won’t save you this time, Jeremy.
LAWYER (O.S.)
My client’s wealth is not an issue here, detective. Now we have fully cooperated with your investigation, and if you don’t have anything —
VOICE (O.S.)
We have a victim, counselor.
LAWYER (O.S.)
And no proof this was anything but a consensual relationship.
Crime photos are SLAPPED down on the table.
VOICE (O.S.)
Does that look like consent to you?
JEREMY
She was a freak. She liked kink.
LAWYER (O.S.)
Jeremy. Let me talk.
VOICE (O.S.)
I thought date-rape drugs went out of style in the nineties.
LAWYER (O.S.)
You have no evidence my client drugged anyone.
VOICE (O.S.)
We have his confession, counselor.
LAWYER (O.S.)
And that will never see the inside of a courtroom.
Jeremy is disinterested, his focus aimed across the room.
LAWYER (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Detective Sorensen put his gun to my client’s head to extract that confession.
VOICE (O.S.)
According to who? Your client? We all know what that’s worth.
JEREMY’S POV – the one-way window. Who’s behind it?
LAWYER (O.S.)
And if you were confident it would stand up, Detective Sorensen would be here, not you.
Jeremy, grinning, staring through the window at the person standing behind it.
VOICE (O.S.)
Let’s stay on point.
JEREMY
He’s back there, isn’t he?
LAWYER (O.S.)
Jeremy.
JEREMY
— watching.
Jeremy relishes the moment, knowing Sorensen is watching. His grin goes wide.
INT. OBSERVATION ROOM – DAY
Detective JACK SORENSEN watches the interrogation through the one-way glass. His vengeance is locked on Jeremy. We can feel his frustration. The interrogation is heard over SPEAKERS.
LAWYER (O.S.)
We’ll plead to assault three, no time, probation.
VOICE (O.S.)
A Class A misdemeanor? You’re out of your mind. Try Rape One.
INTERCUT
Jeremy and Sorensen staring at each other.
LAWYER (O.S.)
You can’t prove rape. This was a sex game that got out of control. Assault three is a gift.
Lieutenant PHIL KING enters and steps up beside Sorensen. His deep-set eyes carry the wisdom and stress of his years on the force. They watch the interrogation for a moment.
VOICE (O.S.)
Rape second degree.
LAWYER (O.S.)
With this DA? Not a chance. We’re better off in court.
King turns the speaker off.
KING
Lawyers.
SORENSEN
He’s going to get away with it, isn’t he?
KING
Probably. The victim’s scared. The family has money.
SORENSEN
I want to run in there and rip his fucking throat out.
KING
That’s why you’re in here behind the glass — again.
(beat)
But just between us, did you put the gun to his head.
SORENSEN
No.
KING
Good.
SORENSEN
I put it to his balls and played Russian roulette.
King shuts his eyes, regretting he asked the question.
KING
I didn’t hear that. And you better pray there were no cameras.
SORENSEN
He raped that girl, Phil. And we all know it. But I have to stand behind this window and watch him gloat about it.
KING
Not any more. I have something for you.
King hands Sorensen his notes.
KING (CONT’D)
The manager of KCSF called. Some crackpot phoned the station and threatened the host during a live show. He asked if we could look into it.
SORENSEN
You’re kidding, right?
KING
It’s not the Lindbergh kidnapping, I admit, but it’ll get you out of the office.
SORENSEN
Can’t you send a unit?
KING
I’m short handed.
SORENSEN
I thought I was grounded.
KING
I run my department, not IA.
SORENSEN
Great. They get the Night Stalker, and I get the obscene phone caller.
KING
Take the day, Jack. Look into it. It probably won’t amount to much. But it will help clear your head, focus on something else. Okay?
Sorensen nods and accepts.
Kings pats him on the shoulder and walks out.
Sorensen looks back at the interrogation. He takes a deep breath and lets it go, releasing his frustration.
CUT TO:
-
Day 2: Anticipatory Dialogue – Assignment
Mike O – Anticipatory Dialogue
What I learned is… Dialogue can create a entire gamut of page-turning scenarios, used right, it sets up the scene(s) to follow.
[1] List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
[2] Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
[3] Create a scene that sets up a future problem. In it, use as many forms of Anticipatory dialogue as you can. Here’s a list that will help you.
1. Direct prediction.
2. Indirect prediction.
3. Countdown.
4. Imply consequences.
5. Imply hopelessness.
6. Shield from consequences in advance.
7. Warnings.
8. Create reputation for the villain.
9. Confront someone hiding from a future consequence.
10. A challenge issued.
11. Silence at a strange time.—————————————-
Brooklyn traits, her subtext character & logline
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.
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INT. SMOKE SHACK – BAR – DAY
Richard spies Brooklyn He walks over to where she is sitting.
Brooklyn studies him. He carries himself with the casual arrogance of a man used to winning — at everything.
BROOKLYN “Please, have a seat.”
She waits until he is sitting.
BROOKLYN “My lawyer is reviewing the documents your attorney provided him with. Unfortunately, there are discrepancies he is looking into.”
Richard’s smile turns cold.
RICHARD “You know, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, I really was. “
He sips his coffee.
RICHARD “I heard about the fire. It’s a real shame. Drove by the place this morning.(shakes his head) Warned your father about the wiring in that place.”
Brooklyn reaches in her purse, takes out an envelope and slides it across the table to him.
BROOKLYN “My father did tell me as a little girl that choices always have consequences.”
RICHARD “Joshua didn’t know you, did he? I can say with complete certainty, the two of you didn’t so much as exchange a single pleasantry in the last fifteen years.
(off her expression) In fact your father died not knowing YOU — his only daughter.”
Richard’s look, one of disgust.
RICHARD “I was there for Joshua, every time there was a problem, every time a sale fell through, I was there. When was the last time you were there for him? Oh yeah, that’s right; never. (beat – then) Why’s it so difficult for you to wrap your head around the fact Joshua left the gallery to me? I can’t decide if your love for Joshua falls under deplorable, or reprehensible. Bit of both I’m thinking.”
Richard leans back savoring the moment.
BROOKLYN (face tightens) “You’re absolutely right. I wasn’t there for my father and I have to live with that fact. But you — you taught me an invaluable lesson. (off his do-tell smirk) Not to trust everyone at face value. (points to envelope) The only thing you value besides yourself, is money.”
Sheriff Gibson walks up to the table, stands directly behind Richard who isn’t aware he is present.
The staccato of high heels on the hardwood floor turns Brooklyn’s head.
Carolyn walks over, takes a chair beside Brooklyn without acknowledging Richard whatsoever.
CAROLYN “ Morning sweetie. You hear that ticking sound? Like a countdown or something.”
Carolyn holds up her right hand, raises a finger as she says
CAROLYN “One – Two – Three…
SHERIFF GIBSON (cuts in) “I suggest you take a look at those photos Mister Feldman….
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