Day 2 Assignments

[Dev Ross]

DEV ROSS

DAY 2 – EXPRESSING CHARACTER

Clay: Judgmental, committed, repressed, superior

Hannah: Sexually frustrated, fearful, innocent, angry

Emmy: Coy, manipulative, angry, rebellious

I learned that embedding these traits deep into character innately gives their dialogue distinction and individuality.

INT. CLAY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING

As per usual, Clay, his demurely passive younger wife Hannah, a nurse (30’s), and their fearful but silently rebellious daughter, EMMY, (17) eat dinner together. Clinks of silverware hitting plates and the lifting and setting down of water glasses looms large against their silence. Finally, Hannah swallows audibly – her food going down dry. She wipes her mouth with a white cloth napkin and then carefully repositions it on her lap.

HANNAH

Clay, I was thinking that tonight might be a good night for a discussion.

Clay glances up at her but doesn’t miss a beat chowing down.

CLAY

About?

Hannah forces a smile.

HANNAH

About what happened? On our lawn?

Emmy anxiously looks up at her mother.

EMMY

Momma…

Clay wipes his mouth and sets his napkin down.

CLAY

No, that’s okay. It’s fair. It was– a trial.

Happily grabbing this opening…

HANNAH

It was, honey! And I can only imagine how you felt.

EMMY

Yeah, Daddy, for all you’ve done for our community, it must have been just terrible!

Clay soaks in their attention and concern.

CLAY

It was, but Paul tells us: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.

HANNAH

So what is your way out?

CLAY

He hasn’t provided it yet —

He gives his wife a reassuring wink. The same wink that once too her breath away.

CLAY

But he will.

Emmy clears her throat, wipes her mouth, places her napkin on her plate.

EMMY

Okay, looks like that’s settled, so may I please be excused?

Hannah’s eyes plead with her daughter to stay.

HANNAH

Well, I was hoping we could keep having this discussion.

She tosses a nervous glance at her husband to make sure his temperature hasn’t started to rise.

HANNAH

Though I know, Daddy – with the Lord’s help – can handle it, but we need to talk about how we can support him on this. Families stick together, right? Maybe we can discuss that. How we’re going to stick together.

CLAY

Hannah, let’s not make more of this then what it was – which was some restless boys who insist on starting something. We need to go about our lives like always and give them the attention they crave.

HANNAH

But, honey, people right here who know you, turned against you.

He eyes her suspiciously. Doesn’t she trust his judgement?

CLAY

For now. People like what’s bright and shiny. But I’m steady. They’ll come back to that.

HANNAH

I’m sure that’s true but, you know, I can get a job anywhere.

CLAY

Your job is right here taking care of our family.

HANNAH

But I can do that anywhere!

Clay heaves out a breath and with a sweep of his arm, knocks everything off the table.

CLAY

Hannah, stop!

Food, dishes, glassware crash to the floor. Finally…

HANNAH

But if you get hurt, I’d…

She wipes away tears. He goes to her, comforts her like she’s a child.

CLAY

God will show me the way. Do you believe that?

She doesn’t, of course.

HANNAH

I do.

CLAY

Do you believe in me?

HANNAH

I do.

Emmy’s relieved. Fight averted.

DOORBELL

EMMY

That’s Bethany! Now may I be excused?

CLAY

Bring her in to say ‘hello.’

As Emmy rushes off, Hannah springs into action, grabs the broom to sweep up the mess.

Clay wipes his mouth, sits up taller in his chair as Emmy enters with BETHANY (17) a budding beauty just discovering her powers.

Cleaning up, Hannah notices Clay noticing…

BETHANY

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Caine.

CLAY

Hello, Bethany. How’s your folks?

BETHANY

Fine, they’re doing good–

(Correcting herself – for show)

I mean well. They’re doing well.

Clay enjoys her correcting herself in front of him – a lot.

CLAY

Well– you give them my regards.

Hannah empties the dustbin of pottery and glass into the trash. It’s noisy.

HANNAH

Mine too.

CLAY

So where are you young ladies headed out to tonight?

Emmy throws a quick glance at Bethany but that girl’s got it covered.

BETHANY

(Just a tad too quickly)

Church. A bunch of us are meeting up for a video game contest.

Clay playfully frowns his disapproval.

CLAY

Oooh, so the church is sponsoring video games now, huh?

BETHANY

Oh, they’re not violent or…

EMMY

Sexual, Daddy. They’re not sexual.

CLAY

Good to hear. I mean what do young girls like you know about sexual relations?

BETHANY

(Giggling)

Not much!

Emmy’s antsy.

EMMY

May we go now?

Clay playfully waves them off like the kind ruling patriarch.

CLAY

Go on with you then.

Hannah claws her way back from invisibility.

HANNAH

Don’t you be home late!

EMMY

Yes, Momma.

BETHANY

Have a nice evening, you two.

As the teen girls turn and leave, Clay eyes Bethany’s backside.

CLAY

You too.

Hannah’s not blind.

[Cameron Martin]

Cameron Martin’s Character Traits Live!

What I learned doing this assignment is…First, be willing to update what’s already been established if a better idea comes along. One of the things I’ve noticed during this course is that there are good days and bad days when writing, especially when we’re talking about one’s creative output. Some days, you have a breakthrough and feel like you’re Shakespeare. Other days, you wonder if you have a creative bone in your body. And then there’re all the days in between. I thought I had a good handle on these characters a couple months ago. But since then, we’ve written a number of scenes, where some days I had better ideas than the ones I had when coming up with the initial character traits. I’m glad to be running through this again, because it’s an opportunity to raise my character profiles up to the standard set by some of the scenes I’ve written, so that they can better inform how to further heighten the quality of those scenes even further. Second, is that in taking into consideration what was discussed in the previous module on subtext, this is such a brilliant way to construct dialogue. In my previous screenplay, the one issue I kept coming across was how similar each character sounded. But in looking for traits that help my character stand out, not just from the beginning but throughout the process, I wound up finding voices and subtext that make my characters feel so much more distinct and fun to read. Is it 100% realistic? Meh. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it isn’t. But what matters is that it isn’t boring or derivative, and you can’t just guess what the next person’s going to say. Have a lot more faith in my dialogue now than when I started.

NOTE: I changed/updated some of the character traits to give either a more poetic or bombastic spin. Based on some of the scenes I’d written, it made sense to elevate some previously established traits, like changing Isaiah’s from “Gentle” and “Covering Up” to “Fact Checker” and “Super Intelligent,” or changing Sully’s “Disguising” to “Haunted.”

Sully: Doctor and Reluctant Father

Inventive

Loving

Controlling

Haunted

Isaiah: Aspie obsessed with Aliens

Obsessive/Possessed

Focussed

Fact Checker – Can’t lie, himself, and can’t allow subtext in conversation.

Super Intelligent

Jude: Hegemony Spy

Undercover

Blue Collar

Deadly

Motherly

Scene Chosen:

I need a bridge from when Sully and Isaiah first meet Jude, to where they’re making a final stand against an onslaught of aliens. So, this is that scene, just following up from when Jude saved Sully and Isaiah from Isaiah’s pet alien to…

INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

…

SULLY

How…Wha…Who are you?

JUDE

(to Isaiah)

Well, aren’t you just the sweetest little boy. I could just gobble you up.

Sully’s brain just now registers what’s in her hands – a laser pistol. Very illegal.

ISAIAH

Dad?

SULLY

How about you try a different figure of speech. Just, considering the context.

JUDE

And what is that context, deer-heart?

ISAIAH

My experiment—

SULLY

You’re what?—

ISAIAH

Tried to eat us.

SULLY

We still need to discuss your choices, son.

JUDE

Would you like to waste time here, or come home with me?

SULLY

Are you going to feed us milk and cookies?

ISAIAH

I don’t think that’s what she’s asking.

Sully shoots Isaiah a look – No shit, Sherlock.

JUDE

You can try your luck in the wilderness, or you take roost in the stable, deer heart.

SULLY

What even are you?

JUDE

Sweet thing. You want the truth? I’m who’s going to keep your son alive just a little longer.

SULLY

And why should we trust you?

JUDE

Well, I see your little one is missing someone—

SULLY

Don’t.

JUDE

And that tells me you don’t have the best track record with protecting your herd.

Sully shoots fire from his eyes.

SULLY

I will die to protect him.

JUDE

Yes, you will.

Isaiah looks at his dad’s shaking hands.

JUDE

(turning around)

Now, come along. We’ve wasted enough time bickering.

Sully follows, holding Isaiah’s hand.

SULLY

Come on. Keep holding my hand.

ISAIAH

Hey, Dad?

No response.

ISAIAH

I don’t blame you.

SULLY

Not right now, son.

INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS – NIGHT

Jude tiptoes past the bloody hallway like a cat across a wet floor. Sully and Isaiah cover their noses close behind her, shuffling against a wall so as not to step over the dead body laying across from wall to wall.

ISAIAH

A lot of people missed out on the bunker.

SULLY

How much further?

Isaiah

Is this normal?

SULLY

You don’t want to know.

Behind them…

A worm slithers out of a grate…

And into the mouth of the body on the ground.

The trio hear the corpse begin to spasm…

And turn around to see the mouth start to break from the face and skull.

JUDE

(taking aim at the corpse)

It’s okay, deer heart.

More worms start to slither and leak out of the vents.

Jude puts her gun down.

JUDE

(turning around to run)

But as one shepherd said to the other, lets get the flock out of here.

Sully and Isaiah pick up the pace and run behind Jude, who’s a lot more spry than they gave her credit for.

[Matthew Frendo]

Matthew Frendo’s Character Traits Live!

WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to better convey character through dialogue. I also learned how to make a character stronger using a limited amount of traits.

NOTE: I actually used 4 characters in this scene with profiles. I’ll post them all here.

Character Name: Alicia
Character Traits: Protective, Brave, Secretive, Loner

Character Name: Host
Character Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Devious, Charismatic

Character Name: Kristen
Character Traits: caring, self-righteous, covering up, loyal

Character Name: Nick
Character Traits: strong, manipulative, hot-headed, remorseful

At this point, the audience found out Alicia entered the hunt illegally to save her child, who was voted in. They have started to turn to her side and against the Host, for the first time ever, and he is getting desperate to not lose this battle. The buttons are a symbol set up earlier showing her bond with her child. And Jocelyn was a player who didn’t make it.

INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT

The Host stands in front of the crowd, Cheshire cat grin on his smug face.

HOST

This has been one exciting hunt so far…but I got a few more tricks up my sleeve.

The crowd just murmurs.

HOST

We have something new that you are sure to love. Something that will show you just how powerful these sacrifices can be!

Near silence. He starts sweating a bit.

HOST

For the first time ever, the top scientists in the world are showing you what they’ve designed here. They’re known as super monsters and I guarantee you that the players won’t get away from these wretched, bloodthirsty beasts!

The screen behind him fills with a graphic of blood.

He stands, arms outstretched, waiting for a response.

Then, all of a sudden, they explode into a loud applause.

HOST

(to himself, basking in it)

That’s more like it.

Then he realizes–they aren’t looking at him. He looks up at the screen and see it shows Alicia going back to her hiding spot. And they’re cheering for her!

HOST

(to himself)

You gotta be fucking kidding me!

(into headset)

Send ’em in. Fuck the intro and these idiots in the stands!

EXT. ABANDONED CIRCUS – NIGHT

Alicia walks back to the strongman cage where she started. She’s entering, when she hears–

4 bells ring out through the arena. She panics.

ALICIA

Four?

She immediately starts running back to her friends, then stops herself. She opens her hand and sees the two buttons in it.

ALICIA

He has to come first. If you don’t make it–

She breaks down in tears, as a scream echos throughout the arena. Then she goes back to the strongman cage, and makes herself sit still and hide, tears running down her cheeks.

OUTSIDE BIG TOP

Kristen runs outside, Josh following.

KRISTEN

Is that creature from hell still in there?

JOSH

You screamed at a mouse? You took down a zombie a few hours ago.

KRISTEN

I don’t like mice. Back when I was young–I just don’t like mice, okay?

JOSH

You’re scared of–

KRISTEN

I’m not scared, I just don’t like them.

(a beat)

And I killed the zombie to save someone. It’s different.

(to herself, realizing)

I killed a zombie to save someone.

She thinks to herself, starting to smile.

KRISTEN

Maybe Jocelyn was right.

She gets sad, looking up at the stars.

KRISTEN

Jocelyn…

OTHER SIDE OF ARENA

Nick hears the four bells, the scream and shakes his head.

NICK

(to himself)

All you needed was yourself and now you’ll die alone. Just like you deserve.

(a beat)

But they don’t have to. You can still make your family proud.

Then he gets up, grabs the axe and starts marching out.

NICK

You fuckers want a fight! Come and fucking fight!

[Lisa Paris Long]

DAY 2 Expressing Character

Lisa’s Character Traits Live!

What I learned is that walking away and coming back is a good habit because you have time to think about what you’ve written, and often better dialogue comes to me when I’m just thinking about the scene. And keeping close to the character’s traits propels the creation of the dialogue in a more natural way.

Mary – Super mom

Traits:

Competitive

Clever

Energetic

Driven

Joseph – Player Businessman

Traits:

Intelligent

Stubborn

Positive

Refined

SET UP: MARY and JOSEPH have been dating for 2 years and Joe wants to marry Mary. Mary keeps using the excuse that it’s too soon since her divorce and her daughters aren’t ready. But she’s in denial about still having feelings for her ex-husband Peter and is sabotaging this relationship without knowing exactly why.

SCENE from “Mary’s Wonderful Christmas”

FADE UP on the front yard of Mary’s house. RUTHIE and JANIE, Mary’s daughters are playing in the snow. It is snowing hard and UNCLE BILLY their dachshund is running around barking at the girls. JOSEPH and MARY are looking out the window of the renovated old Victorian home.

CUT TO INT-MARY’S HOUSE-DAY

MARY

They are so happy. (Moving away from the window) I haven’t heard from Peter. I don’t know if he’s going to show for Christmas tomorrow. The girls will be really disappointed.

JOSEPH

I will make it up to them.

MARY

What? You think you can fix everything that is wrong with my life. Well, you can’t. You can’t fix Peter.

JOSEPH

No, I cannot fix Peter. I can only try to make Christmas wonderful for you and your girls.

MARY

You want to tie everything up with a nice little bow. It’s not your place to make Christmas wonderful for my girls. It’s mine!

JOSEPH

Maybe it is ours?

MARY

There is no ours…yet.

JOSEPH

What does that mean? I want to be with you…and with the girls. I care for all of you.

Silence, while Mary begins folding clothes from the couch while Joseph starts straightening up the living room.

MARY (perturbed)

You don’t have to do that.

JOSEPH (pleasantly)

I know.

MARY (frustrated)

You don’t get it. I don’t want you to clean my house! (Snatching a cloth from his hand)

JOSEPH

Okay, My goodness. I’m just helping you out. Why won’t you let me help you?

MARY

It’s only been 3 years Joe.

JOSEPH

Since the divorce, I know. But we’ve been off and on for 2 of those 3 years. I want to make it permanent.

MARY

IT’S TOO SOON! For the girls…

JOSEPH

And for you? What do you want Mary?!

Joseph grabs Mary by the shoulders.

MARY (blurting it out)

Why do you insist on pressing me on this? You could do so much better back in New York. I’m sure women were flinging themselves at you when you were there.

JOSEPH

You know I’m not like that. Why don’t you trust me?

Joseph shakes Mary…gently with frustration.

MARY

Like I trusted Peter?

JOSEPH (holding her tighter)

I’m not Peter. I’m not like anyone else.

MARY

What makes you so special?

JOSEPH (angrily)

I love you.

MARY (angrily back)

I know.

Mary breaks away from Joseph’s grip.

MARY (smirking)

I really, really, really, really, like you too.

Joseph hangs his head.

JOSEPH

ER!! Must you play so hard to get all of the time?

MARY (coyly)

Must you keep annoying me with “I love you” all of the time?

JOSEPH (smiling)

You know I won’t give up.

MARY (pauses)

Actually…you may when I tell you what I need to tell you.

JOSEPH

What? (Laughs) You’re actually going to tell me something?

MARY

Sit down.

JOSEPH (sitting up straight)

Okay.

MARY

Well. I’ve decided to…

JOSEPH (excited)

Say YES! Finally…

MARY

…No. Janie, Ruthie, Uncle Billy, and I are going to move to Albany come Spring.

JOSEPH (jumping up)

What? Why?

Mary returns to folding clothes.

MARY (nonchalantly)

I think it would be best for us to start over in a new place. An adventure. For me and the girls. I’ve been here all my life and I’d like to see what it would be like to live in a bigger city. More things to do for all of us. It has nothing to do with you and me.

JOSEPH

Clearly. (pauses) I thought we were building something here. (hurt) Was I completely off base?

MARY

It has nothing to do with you. It’s for me and the girls.

JOSEPH

How long have you been thinking about this?

MARY

That’s not important.

JOSEPH

It is to me.

MARY (reluctantly)

About a year.

JOSEPH (grabbing his hat)

Great. And when were you going to tell me? After you left town?

MARY

I’m sorry, Joe.

JOSEPH

No, I’M sorry…that we ever got together.

MARY

Joe don’t say that!

JOSEPH

Goodbye, Mary.

JOSEPH puts on his coat and heads out the door. Mary runs to the door.

MARY

See you at the festi…

MARY watches from the door as he waves goodbye to the girls and drives away. UNCLE BILLY barks to get in. MARY grabs a towel. MARY sweeps him up in her arms and sits down rubbing him with the towel. Tears start to fall from MARY’s eyes as UNCLE BILLY licks her face.

MARY (CONTINUED)

(sad) Goodbye.

FADE OUT

[Kate Hawkes]

Kate’s Character Traits Live!/Expressing Character

What I learned doing this assignment is it’s a fun and effective way to sharpen and focus dialogue to get the story and the emotion.

THE CHARACTERS

Luciana – Latina College friend of Amahla’s.

Loyal

Determined

Powerful

Courageous

Amahla – African American woman married to Darrogh, Nia is their daughter.

Loving

Idealistic

Intimidated

Peace-maker

Darrogh – older, wealthy.

Possessive

Supremely confident

Suspicious

Vengeful

THE SCENE

Happens near the end of the film.

NIA’S FLASHBACK to Luciana, Amahla, Darrogh

Nia aged 5 is unseen, up on the loft floor looking down on the library.

Picking up at the end of the scene between Luciana and Amahla into Darrogh’s entrance.

INT. THE LIBRARY – EARLY EVENING

Amahla and Luciana in mid conversation.

LUCIANA

Amahla, whatever happens, te quiero.

AMAHLA

I’ve always known it. And I’m sorry I didn’t, don’t…

LUCIANA

No, not sorry. It is what it is. We’ve been very good friends, right?

Luciana takes Amahla’s face gently in her hands.

LUCIANA

And because I love you, I can leave.

AMAHLA

I have to make everything alright with Darrogh. There’s Nia.

LUCIANA

I know.

AMAHLA

And, I love him. I know it will work out.

LUCIANA

I hope so.

The two of them hug as only two very long-time friends who completely trust each other can. Amahla has her head on Luciana’s shoulder, as Luciana softly kisses the top her head.

Suddenly the door to the library crashes open and Darrogh stands in the doorway, his shadow falling across the room.

DARROGH

So! What have we here?

Amahla leaps apart, Luciana stands her ground prepared for anything.

AMAHLA

Darrogh! I didn’t expect you back yet. I’m so glad to see you.

She starts toward him.

DARROGH

Stay there!

(with undisguised disgust)

I know what you’ve been doing.

Amahla stops in her tracks.

AMAHLA

What do you mean?

LUCIANA

Yes, Darrogh. What DO you mean? Say it.

DARROGH

Who do you think you are Luciana, to talk to me that way? You puta lesbiana!

AMAHLA

Darrogh, please. It’s not what you think.

Darrogh stares hard at her.

DARROGH

What do I think?

AMAHLA

I don’t know. I mean -.

Luciana steps forward between Darrogh and Amahla in a protective stance.

LUCIANA

If you’re going to threaten someone threaten me.

DARROGH

Why would I take the time and energy to do that? You’re nothing.

LUCIANA

So why are you tan asustado?

Darrogh looks as if he is going to hit her. She throws her head up and holds her place. Amahla comes round to Darrogh and takes his arm.

AMAHLA

Darrogh. Please.

He shakes her off, holds a moment, then takes Amahla by her arm and steps back from Luciana holding Amahla almost as a trophy, before hissing at her.

DARROGH

She’s mine.

Luciana begins to speak, but catches Amahla’s pleading eyes.

LUCIANA

If you mean that you’re married and she is – your wife, then yes.

DARROGH

So, you will get out of my house. Now! Leave! You’re not wanted here.

LUCIANA

I’m going. And not because you say so. Amahla and I had already agreed to that before you came in.

DARROGH

I saw what you were doing together.

LUCIANA

Say it!

AMAHLA

It’s alright.. I mean it was a mistake, it’s nothing. Luciana leave it.

Darrogh smirks triumphantly at Luciana holding Amahla firmly by the elbow as he moves to one side, opening the way to the door.

DARROGH

You heard her. Leave!

Luciana hesitates, looks at Amahla who drops her eyes.

LUCIANA

Amahla! I will go, as we agreed. Know that I am always there for you – and Nia.

DARROGH

You will stay away from my family, do you hear?

Luciana allows a small, dangerous smile to creep over her face. She steps in very close to Darrogh. Her voice is calm, low but powerful.

LUCIANA

Todo lo perderás por la mano de quien quiso amarte.

Darrogh pulls his head back from her but is unable to move.

LUCIANA

And in English – so that there is no mistaking me: You will lose everything by the hand of one who wanted to love you.

Luciana moves past Darrogh, secretly touching Amahla’s hand as she goes. As she leaves through the door, a little wind picks up and a window shutter slams shut.

Amahla jumps, and gasps. Darrogh swings around to look at the shutter.

DARROGH

What the hell was that doing open? Come Amahla, this is over. We’ll never speak of it. I will give you the chance to be the wife and mother you’re meant to be – if you can. If not? Then you will have nothing.

He takes her elbow again and sweeps out with her.

[Anita Gomez]

Day 2: (Advanced Dialogue) – Anita’s Character Traits Live!

What I learned: My characters don’t battle each other directly, but in the shadows – all the more reason to write precise, punchy dialogue that brings the reader back to their unspoken secrets. All three characters live surface lives colored by an illicit affair that resulted in an unwanted child. The only trait I addressed directly in this brief but important scene was Cyrus’ narcissism; and indirectly – his hypocrisy.

Danica – Mistress / Attorney

Ambitious

In denial

Secretive

Aloof

Cyrus – <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:city w:st=”on”>Superior</st1:city></st1:place> / Judge

Narcissist

Hypocrite

Manipulative

Workaholic

Harley – Illegitimate Daughter

Amoral

Intelligent

Self-confident

Twisted

INT. CYRUS’ HOUSE – CHRISTMAS DAY

The living room is decorated like a Hallmark movie.

Cyrus, wife Karen, and their two kids (now 20-something’s) are opening gifts.

Karen pulls out four identically wrapped packages and hands them out, keeping one for herself.

The others look quizzical.

KAREN

Yes, I got one for me too! It’s something we can do as a family.

They all dutifully unwrap the matching boxes.

They are DNA test kits with the YourFamily Logo of 3 stylized stick figures holding hands.

Cyrus looks uncomfortable.

KAREN (CONT’D)

(laughing)

Don’t look so serious Cy – they won’t be stealing your soul or anything!

He puts on an amused face. The kids THANK their mom.

KAREN (CONT’D)

I thought it would be fun – everyone’s tracing their ancestry these days.

CYRUS

Sure. Who knows – we might find out we’re descended from Egyptian pharaohs.

SON

Right. And all you have to do is spit in a cup.

DAUGHTER

Don’t be gross.

CUT TO:

[anna harper]

Anna Harper Expressing Character

What I learned from this assignment. I do not have enough conflict in my writing. Looking at my writing across two scripts and two novels, there is not enough conflict. This has been a very useful lesson learned.

CHARACTERS

Major Bunny Holmes O.B.E. DCM, QCB Retired Army Intelligence

Patriot

Ruthless

Breaker of rules

Caleb Sparrow Proprietor of the Royal Swans Pub

Alcoholic/Gambler

Unreliable

Jealous

Cleo Sparrow Co-Owner of The Roayl Swans

Seductive

Playful

Pierre Lebourgois Baker at the Saxon Mill Bakery

Flamboyant

Cannot abide boredom/risk-taker

Jonathon The Village Vet

Weird

Capable

Disciplined

Stanley The Village plumber

Functional Alcoholic

Depressed divorcee

Reliable

James Local Fireman/Barman/shooter of seagulls for the Village.

Heroic

Passionate

Depressed

Anton Serbian Spy/Money Lender/Thug

Unintelligent

Delusions of power

Treacherous

Work up from The Bittersweet of Summer’s End. The Village Fringe 2

SITUATION

A trap is being laid to lure Anton (Serbian spy/thug) into working with the village men to commit a crime. The purpose is to infiltrate the Serbian gang which Russian spies hide undercover, as double agents. Tonight, Caleb has been let out of the brigg to aid in netting Anton. He has come home to find his wife (Cleo) with James.

INT.CLEO’S BEDROOM UPSTAIRS FROM THE PUB/NIGHT

CALEB

Crashes the bedroom door open gun in hand, takes the safety off. Points the rifle at James, shoots twice. Caleb is drunk, he misses and shoots the chandelier which crashes to the ground.

CALEB

I’m goin’ to kill ya, you bastard!

CALEB Throws down the rifle, lunges at James, and gets him by the throat. They both fall to the floor and roll around fighting.

CLEO

Screams grabs a large antique pitcher off the dresser, and smashes Caleb over the head, knocking him senseless to the ground.

CUT TO

INT.BAR THE ROYAL SWANS/NIGHT

PIERRE, STANLEY, AND JONATHON are downstairs in the bar. Everyone in the bar heard gunshots and the crash of the chandelier. There is a buzz of gossip in the bar.

Stanley is on the phone with Bunny.

STANLEY

Better get down here quick. Caleb’s off his rocker, tried to kill James. Anthony is on his way in the police car, and I think someone has called an ambulance

INT.CLEO’S BEDROOM UPSTAIRS FROM THE PUB/NIGHT

BUNNY

Major Bunny Holmes stands over Caleb, with his fist in Caleb’s face.

I told you to keep a fucking lid on your temper. Now, look at what you’ve done! Attracting unwanted attention.

Bunny pulls a dazed Caleb to his feet.

BUNNY

Anton is in the fucking bar, for God’s sake. Perhaps this will buy you some more ‘street cred’ with Anton. Tell him you slipped the copper a twenty to go away. Just a domestic argument, then change the subject. What did I tell you to say, you idiot?

CALEB

To tell Anton I was not interested in any work he had to offer as we are niche mercenaries, and we got a lot going on right now. Give him a drink and ask him to leave. And to take my jacket off so he sees my tatts.

BUNNY

Right, see that you do it right, or you will be spending an extended stay in the brigg, got it!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by  anna harper.

[June f]

June Fortunato’s Character Traits Live! Day 2 of Dialogue

What I learned: I feel that dialogue is one of my strengths, but this exercise was rough because the next scenes in my screenplay my two leads were alone and lost. Nonetheless, the character traits helped to punch up what I had.

Backstory: In the previous scenes, Kim, trying to delight Roy by getting a band to play a Viet Nam era song backfired and triggered his PTSD. He had a meltdown, and was carried off to a ‘quiet room’ where he spent several hours. Kim, already low opinion of herself, feels like scum, and told Roy she’s no good for him. Now the two of them long for, but are afraid of each other.

Roy Dent Viet Nam Vet.

Traits Rejection of authority. Protective. Charming & seductive. Persistent/ Ever hopeful. Deeply wounded.

Kim Kirby Disenfranchised artist.

Traits Musical. Smart. Seeks attention. Needy. Resentful. Deeply wounded.

INT. ATLANTIC CITY – HOLDING ROOM – NIGHT

Roy, crumpled against the door, pulls himself upright. Pain in his kidney nearly fells him. He forces his buckling knees straight and rises again. Urgent, he digs through the trash to find a used cup, moves to the window and forces himself to breathe the cool air as he listens to the waves, the distant amusement park, and the sound of his pee as it fills the cup.

EXT. ATLANTIC CITY – BEACH – NIGHT

Roy dumps the cup and wanders the beach, jaggedly, scanning. At a distance: a woman whose shape looks like Kim.

ROY (a whisper) Sugar? (louder) Kim?

The woman looks and walks on. Roy searches the motionless bumper cars, the shuttered taffy stand, a dark stage. He calls out to her in each place. Roy heads to the PIER. Underneath, Lovers Lane. Movement in darkness. Roy squints.

ROY Sugar? (pause) Sugar!

A couple stops necking.

THE LASS (Whispers to the boy) Do something.

But the boy doesn’t know what to do and dives into more necking.

ROY Puppies. Innocents.

THE LASS Gad, he’s creepy.

ROY Stay close. Run. Don’t look back. Don’t ever let them catch you.

Roy leaves.

INT. ATLANTIC CITY – STAGE – CONTINUOUS

Litter speckles the sand. Barely visible, movement in the far corner of the stage reveals Kim. She locks her vision on the waves as sings quietly and becomes louder as the song progresses. Kim counts her fingers over and over. She changes the words to the classic, “Never Let Me Go.”

KIM

I must let you go. I love you much too much. When you let me go, Life will lose it’s touch. Where will I be without you? There’s no place for me without you. Yet, I’ve got to leave. I’ll be so lost when you are away. There’ll be a thousand hours in a day without you, I know.

Because of one rescue I suddenly felt real, in the hallway all my past got burned, by that wiseass show – now I’ve hurt you deeply. I have to leave you, sweetly. You must let me go. But never let me go.

FADE OUT.

EXT. ATLANTIC CITY – BUS PARKING – NIGHT

Roy quashes his rawness and brings “Old Roy” back. A group of betting ladies, fresh out of dough, line up to climb aboard a charter bus labeled, “Senior Flyers!” Roy squeezes into the queue. Near the driver, a leader, with a clipboard checks names.

LEADER Rittenhouse square, right? Hi, Elsie did you have fun?

ELSIE Boy am I tired!

Roy’s next.

ROY I’m with Elsie.

He winks. The leader, impressed, has a whole new idea of Elsie and lets Roy onto the bus.

LEADER First ride free.

INT. ATLANTIC CITY – BUS – CONTINUOUS

ROY Did you play Pachinko? (sing-song) Pachinko Pachinko!

He sits next to Elsie. The bus pulls out. At the front.

LEADER All right! Everybody’s here! Wasn’t that fun? Let’s hear it for us Senior Flyers!

Passengers cheer.

The fun keeps coming! So let’s get started. Pass out the songbooks.

The books get handed back from row to row.

ELSIE (Confidentially) Who can remember the words?

ROY A sing-a-long. How hunky-dory!

LEADER Before we start, we all need fortification after losing money! So please pass the candy around.

Cheers. A large bag of mixed candies goes around.

ROY I used to love peppermints.

ELSIE What happened?

Pause.

ROY I still love them.

[Dana Abbott]

PS81 – Dana’s Character Traits Live!

What I learned Doing This Assignment.

My characters are constantly evolving, becoming stronger as they develop into real people. Their dialogue is reactionary, playing off each other. And while my dialogue isn’t perfect, infusing their traits keeps my focus tight and the story strong.

CHARCTER/TRAITS

Ellen – Radio Psychologist

· kind/sympathetic

· anxious

· ambitious

· wife/mother

Ryan – Psychopath

· polite

· calculating

· violent

· sinister

SETUP:

Ryan, Jason’s DID alter, has kidnapped Ellen’s family, and has explained the rules of the game. That he will kill one member of her family every hour until she excises Jason from Ryan’s life. This is her first attempt to talk with Jason.

SCENE:

INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY

Shock has gripped her. It’s a nightmare. Ellen hears nothing.

RYAN (V.O.)

(sing-song)

Ell-en? Ell-en?

(beat)

Are you there, Ellen? Tick-tock. Time is money, doctor.

ELLEN

Is that what you want? Money? I have it. I can give it to you.

RYAN

Is that what you think this is? A shakedown? After everything we’ve discussed?

ELLEN

Then what…?

RYAN

Redemption, Ellen. Redemption.

ELLEN

I don’t —

RYAN

Understand?

(beat)

You abandoned your patient, doctor. He shot himself, right in front of you. And you did nothing. You just watched. He still bears the scar from that bullet. It nearly killed him. And you just walked away. You left him to that flatulent gas-bag Dr. Sullivan.

ELLEN

I couldn’t provide Jason with the care that he needed. Dr. Sullivan was the best —

RYAN

Does your audience know? Do they know what that charlatan did? What you did? That you let him experiment on Jason like a lab rat. He drugged him and programmed him to keep him from the others. And then tossed him into the jungle. He stripped Jason of his protectors and sacrificed him to the animals in the streets.

ELLEN

But why my family? Why them?

RYAN

Because Jason came to you. And you threw him away and ran off to join the circus. For what? Money? Fame? You forgot your oath, doctor. And you need to atone.

ELLEN

By sacrificing Jason?

RYAN

Do you know the horror of street life? The violence? The freezing cold? The starvation? To have no-one there to defend you?

ELLEN

Is that why Jason called on you?

RYAN

Jason didn’t call on me. I called on him. And now, we’re calling on you. And I suggest you get started. You’re running out of time.

Ellen’s eye bounce up at the clock —

ON CLOCK

10:28

BACK ON ELLEN

Seeing everything and nothing, Claire in the booth, Sorensen beside her, not sure what to say or how to begin. Finally —

ELLEN

I need to speak with Jason.

RYAN

He hears you.

ELLEN

Jason…? Jason.

She listens. No response. She swallows hard.

ELLEN (CONT’D)

What happened to you should never have happened. You suffer from a terrible condition. And I should have been more aware.

INT. COMMAND CENTER, SFPD – CONTINUOUS

Phil orchestrates the team setting up the room. TV monitors are turned on. Laptops are opened and readied. Stars phones plugged in, etc.

ELLEN (V.O.)

Sometimes life overwhelms us, and we make terrible mistakes. And we do terrible things. To ourselves. To our loved ones. To strangers.

EXT. SFPD ENTRANCE – CONTINUOUS

A black and white pulls up. Sullivan climbs out and waits for the police officer to escort him inside.

ELLEN (V.O.)

I abandoned you to another. And I’m sorry for the harm that it may have caused. Leaving you to the streets, alone and forgotten, that wasn’t right.

INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY

ELLEN

I should have understood. But now I do. And I want to help you. But you need to help me. Maybe we can help each other. Can we do that? Can we help each other?

(beat)

Jason? Are you there? I need you to talk with me.

A long beat. Through the glass, Claire and Sorensen both wait. Then —

RYAN

Sorry, doc. You’re not getting through to him.

(beat)

Maybe you should let Detective Sorensen give it the old college try.

Ellen shoots stunned eyes at Sorensen.

ELLEN

You know Detective Sorensen?

ON SORENSEN

A snarled reaction — what the fuck?

RYAN (V.O.)

Oh, yes. We’ve crossed paths on several occasions. Long before Jason and I were introduced. Back when I was a budding sociopath.

Ryan LAUGHS.

Claire looks to Sorensen.

CLAIRE

You know this guy?

SORENSEN

No.

CLAIRE

Then how does he know you?

SORENSEN

He’s watching the news.

BACK ON ELLEN

She can’t believe what she’s hearing.

RYAN (V.O.)

Of course, Detective Sorensen doesn’t know where or when or how we met. Not that I’m going to tell him. What would be the fun in that?

INT. COMMAND CENTER, SFPD – CONTINUOUS

Phil SNAPS HIS FINGERS to quiet the room.

RYAN (V.O.)

But I did help him close more than a few cases and put away my share of evil doers. And I have to admit, there’s something gratifying in public service.

PHIL

Jesus…

He dials the star phone.

INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS

Sorensen answers his phone.

PHIL (V.O.)

What the hell, Jack?

SORENSEN

He’s fucking with us.

INTERCUT PHONE CALL

PHIL

He’d better be.

SORENSEN

Do we have a GPS yet?

PHIL

Turned off. Tech is triangulating the signal. He’s somewhere in the south bay, but there’s a lot of interference.

SORENSEN

Put a poker up their asses, damn it! We’ve got twenty-four minutes.

[Michael O’Keefe]

Day 2: Expressing Character – Assignment

Mike O – Character Traits Live!

What I learned doing this assignment is the key words for the character trait keep me on point and I don’t try to make my characters too complex. They have to have one or two driving traits

1. Find a scene in your outline where two of your main characters are in a conflict with or against another character.

2. List all the characters and their traits at the top of the page in this manner.

Brooklyn – Protagonist: 1) workaholic 2) romantic 3) indecisive 4) hungry for fame

Tarek – Love Interest: 1) honest 2) protective 3) family man 4) Scheming

Richard Feldman – Antagonist 1) Manipulative 2) Sociopath 3) Wants to be rich 4) Loves fine Art

3. Tell us any setup that is necessary for us to understand the scene in one or two short paragraphs. No extra character description there.

4. Write your first draft of the scene, making sure the conflict is clear and all three characters are included.

—————————————————-

INT. GALLERY – NIGHT

Two dozen of Wintergreen’s finest are enjoying the soiree: NIBBLING on catered hors d’oeuvres, DRINKING champagne from crystal flutes while perusing the gallery’s latest offerings.

The marble champagne fountain with its cherubs and Renaissancesque accents is a hit.

RICHARD (loud voice) “Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention. (heads turn, conversations stop) First of all, thank you all for coming. (claps with vigor) I would like to thank Beth McGuire for providing us with these incredible hors d’oeuvres and canapes. (toasts to her) “Finest pastries in the Rockies.”

Clapping and murmurs of approval follow.

RICHARD “And for the incredible French champagne, we have Mr. Simons to thank. (lifts his flute) I don’t believe there is a liquor that Wine and Spirits cannot procure for your drinking pleasure. Thank you, Gene. You’re the best.”

Applause and toasts follow. Richard turns to Brooklyn who stands dumbfounded.

RICHARD “Everyone, I would like to introduce Joshua’s daughter. We have her to thanks for tonight’s get together. (big smile) “Also (pours entire bottle of Chambord into the fountain turning the champagne the color of blood) Over dinner the other night, Brooklyn reminded me that red is the color of romance, that it represents courage. (lifts his glass) In keeping with that sentiment, we now have a champagne well of kisses, French kisses to be exact. (chuckles ensue) To one of Chicago’s finest. We knew her father well.”

Cheers and clapping follow the introduction.

Tarek, late to the party, stands by the front door. He catches Brooklyn’s eye and mouths: hello. As he starts towards her, Beth intercepts him, hands him a glass of champagne.

BETH “When did you get in town?”

TAREK (surprise) “Little while ago.”

BETH “I’m really glad you’re here.“

Brooklyn walks up to Tarek as Beth asks:

BETH “You free tomorrow night for dinner Pot roast, your favorite.”

Richard arrives (flute filled with blood colored champagne) asks with mock gayety:

RICHARD “Beth, you look lovely, my dear. Have you met Brooklyn?”

BETH “No, I haven’t.(extends hand) Welcome to Wintergreen.”

RICHARD (re: Tarek) “Have you met Brooklyn?”

Beth looks up at Tarek, slips her arm around him and says,

BETH “She has Joshua’s eyes, don’t you think, hon?”

TAREK (uncomfortable) “Uh-huh.”

RICHARD “Don’t you two make a cute couple. (turns to Brooklyn) Beth has purchased a couple of pieces from us in the past. Got a real head for talent, isn’t afraid to go after what catches her eye.”

BROOKLYN (body blow) “What do you prefer: acrylics, colored pencil, oil or water-colors?”

BETH “Last painting I bought was a Jean Shelton.”

RICHARD (interjects) “It was indeed. The mourning doves mating, evocative piece. (re: Brooklyn) She’s a fabulous water-color artist, hales from Montana. Great gal. Been with us five years come next month.”

Brooklyn turns to someone waving hello and acknowledges the woman with a head nod.

BROOKLYN “Beth, it was a pleasure. I really should meet the other patrons.”

RICHARD “Mingle, darling. (shooing hand gesture) Get to know our clients. Your father was a real chatty Kathy.”

CAMERA HOLDS on Richard’s smirk as he watches Brooklyn leave. He sips the blood-colored champagne, says in parting to Beth and Tarek,

RICHARD “I’ll leave you two crazy love birds alone.”

5. Go back through and look at every line of dialogue, comparing it to traits you created earlier for that character. Wherever possible, put more character into the dialogue.