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Day 2 Assignments
Reply to post your assignment.
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17 Replies
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Hi Cheryl, I don’t see a place to enter feedback in the Forums.
Can you please help me?
Kind thanks, Annie
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Marian Redmann – concept and basic structure SHARK ABYSS
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is: even if I think I have nailed down a good structure, it can be improved, especially watching it from another angle.
Logline: When an explosion of a WWII submarine cave at the German high-sea island Helgoland traps tourists in a collapsed bunker, claustrophobic marine biologist Lisanna has to fight dangerous bull sharks to save the group and win back the love and respect of her estranged daughter Mia, before the bunkers are flooded and they either drown or get killed by the sharks.
Marian Redmann – Basic Structure Version 1
Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
Divers are attacked by a shark in an unique way.
2. Inciting Incident:
Lisanna is asked to investigate a mystery. The incident looks like a shark attack but there are no sharks in the North Sea.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Lisanna realizes that if they are sharks in the recently discovered Nazi submarine cave, they and the old WW II explosives stored there, could be a threat to her daughter Mia who lives on this island.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Lisanna is attacked by one of the divers from her employer, a shark kills the man, triggering an explosion that traps Lisanna and her daughter Mia in the bunker system.
Ticking clock: the water is rising fast, they will either drown or be eaten by the sharks.
5. Mid-Point:
Lisanna finds Mia but also sees that the only exit has been blocked by the explosion.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Lisanna finds out that the Antagonist want to destroy the whole Island with a large explosion, the timer is set.
7. Crisis:
Lisanna has to decide either defuse the explosives or to save Mia from the shark.
Her Ex and Mias Father Claas is killed by a shark.8. Climax:
After killing the sharks and preventing the destruction of the whole island, Lisanna has to face the antagonist who has kidnapped Mia and saver her.
9. Resolution:
Lisanna and Mia living together on the island. Mia has found new respect and love for her Mother.
Marian Redmann – Basic Structure Version 2
Main Conflict:
1. Opening:
Divers are attacked by a shark in an unique way.
This is a shark movie and thus has to start with an attack by a shark. It is a cliché but also a genre convention, something that has to be delivered for the audience. Here the attack has to be in a new and exciting environment and I am changing the scene that we will see the WW II underwater cave setting right here. Also I will add a new shark attack where the bullshark uses its tail to throw a person flying through the air, instead of a normal shark attack.
This could also be seen as a teaser as it has at this point nothing to do with the protagonists story. Right after we see Lisanna arguing with her daughter Mia as Lisanna has to go to the marine institute, rather than spending the weekend with her daughter. Mia didn’t want to spend the weekend with her daughter and wants to go back to the island where her father lives. I will change this that Mia now wants to be with Lisanna but Lisanna decides to go to the institue because of the emergency. Lisanna then takes her daughter with her as they fly to the island, leaving her at her father. So in the new version Lisanna is also responsible for Mia being on the island. This connects the Inciting Incident, Lisannas decision to dive in the cave even if shes claustrophobic and the need to save Mia even better.
2. Inciting Incident:
Lisanna is asked to investigate a mystery. The incident looks like a shark attack but there are no sharks in the North Sea.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Lisanna realizes that if they are sharks in the recently discovered Nazi submarine cave, they and the old WW II explosives stored there, could be a threat to her daughter Mia who lives on this island.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
Lisanna is attacked by one of the divers from her employer, a shark kills the man, triggering an explosion that traps Lisanna and her daughter Mia in the bunker system.
Ticking clock: the water is rising fast, they will either drown or be eaten by the sharks.
5. Mid-Point:
Lisanna finds Mia but also sees that the only exit has been blocked by the explosion.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Lisanna finds out that the Antagonist want to destroy the whole Island with a large explosion, the timer is set.
I will try to make stronger that Lisanna has “to accept something about herself or has to accept that their way of doing things just won’t work anymore”.
Lisanna later has to confront her claustrophobia, diving into the old submarine. But at this point she could be forced to deal with her past as an eco-activist. She swore to herself never touch explosives anymore and to forget that part of her past.
7. Crisis:
Lisanna has to decide either defuse the explosives or to save Mia from the shark.
Her Ex and Mias Father Claas is killed by a shark.8. Climax:
After killing the sharks and preventing the destruction of the whole island, Lisanna has to face the antagonist who has kidnapped Mia and save her.
9. Resolution:
Lisanna and Mia living together on the island. Mia has found new respect and love for her Mother.
🦈🦈🦈
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LIES AND TRANSFORMATION Assignment 2 from Joan Butler:
Opening:
Selma takes 3 kinds of heart pills, spreads the last of the peanut butter on toast, and sifts through mail separating flyers from a counseling journal and letters stamped FINAL NOTICE. As she rips open a letter marked NOTICE OF EVICTION a large spider walks out of the mail. She carefully puts it outside. Then she reads the letter.
Inciting Incident:
INSERT: Please pay as of June 30th or face eviction.
By page 10 you know what the movie is about.
Gaia explains the pilot project—abused women returning to their abusers, brainwashing, and deprogramming. Selma takes the job of counselor. She does an intake interview with Elizabeth, an abused woman who has been scalded by her husband. Elizabeth talks about her marriage and how her husband used to be wonderful but gradually changed. She thinks it’s her fault. Her husband phones and demands to know where she is. P. 11 Elizabeth lies and says she is at a retreat.
We know the 4 main characters, their roles, and their goals.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
P. 19 Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay at the transition house for 3 days.
Mid Point
P. 52 Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied to her.
Crisis
Elizabeth says she’s leaving. Selma closes herself in the bathroom and rocks back and forth in the dark.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
P. 93 All is lost. Then Selma writes a resignation letter and goes to Gaia. She admits she lied to Elizabeth and she lied to Gaia.
P. 93 Gains strength to continue. Gaia asks, “Do you remember what we hung on the wall?”
Selma answers, “But I’m not strong and brave and powerful.”
Gaia replies, “You are, much more than you think.”
Climax:
P. 99-100 Selma struggles to attain goal or fail.
A story–Selma persuades Elizabeth to admit that Mark controls everything in her life and she gave away her baby because he said she was delusional.
B story–Selma facilitates Elizabeth’s win over Mark. Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark loses. Elizabeth tells him he is despicable.
Resolution:
The police arrive and arrest Mark. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.
ELEVATE THE INCITING INCIDENT
Purpose: Sets Selma on her journey. Should pair with the climax.
Selma gets an eviction notice. // Selma battles the land lady. Selma wins. She stays in her apartment.
Selma receives a phone call from Gaia inviting Selma to work at transition house. // Selma battles something that changes Gaia’s good opinion of Selma. She wins and continues to work at the transition house.
Elizabeth arrives at the transition house. // Selma battles Elizabeth to keep her from leaving. Selma wins. Elizabeth stays. (This is the most straight forward choice but leaves no room for Gaia to tell Selma about pilot project and for Selma is take the job.)
?? Something about Selma’s mother brings Selma to the transient house. // Flashback: Selma battles with her mother to leave Sarah’s father before she is killed. Selma battles with Elizabeth. Selma pleads that Elizabeth could be killed (This is the most interesting choice but may be too complicated.)
ELEVATE CRISIS
Purpose: to make Selma face her greatest fear. Her greatest fear may be:
To be homeless.
To ruin her reputation.
To not be good enough
To be too stupid to save Elizabeth.
***To fail Elizabeth as she failed her mother. Because Selma didn’t try to save her mother, she was killed. Selma is plagued by guilt. Saving Elizabeth would ease the guilt.
Maybe Selma has quick flashbacks of her mother’s death as Selma begs Elizabeth not to go home.
(Elizabeth is like Selma’s mother. Underneath the anger, Elizabeth is terrified, ashamed, begging for help, has no where to go, and has no one. Is Selma the same?)
ELEVATE THE CLIMAX
Purpose: to pit Selma against Elizabeth to decide if Selma fails or achieves her goal.
Selma vs Elizabeth is the A story. Selma wants Elizabeth to stay vs Elizabeth wants to go.
Selma blocks the gate.
Selma threatens Elizabeth.
***Selma gains or loses something within her self. The change allows Selma to approach Elizabeth differently. This results in Elizabeth changing. She decides to stay. Selma’s guilt eases.
Mark is the B story – Who is in control, Mark or Elizabeth.
Elizabeth battles Mark while Selma and Gaia watch.
Elizabeth tells Mark on the phone that he is despicable. Selma listens in.
***Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark is defeated. This facilitates Elizabeth. She is able to say Mark is despicable.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Joan Butler.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by
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I have edited the opening.
LIES AND TRANSFORMATION Assignment 2 from Joan Butler:
Opening:
Selma takes 3 kinds of heart pills, spreads the last of the peanut butter on toast, and sifts through mail separating flyers from a counseling journal and letters stamped FINAL NOTICE. As she rips open a letter marked NOTICE OF EVICTION a large spider walks out of the mail. She carefully puts it outside. Then she reads the letter.
Inciting Incident:
INSERT: Please pay as of June 30th or face eviction.
By page 10 you know what the movie is about.
Gaia explains the pilot project—abused women returning to their abusers, brainwashing, and deprogramming. Selma takes the job of counselor. She does an intake interview with Elizabeth, an abused woman who has been scalded by her husband. Elizabeth talks about her marriage and how her husband used to be wonderful but gradually changed. She thinks it’s her fault. Her husband phones and demands to know where she is. P. 11 Elizabeth lies and says she is at a retreat.
We know the 4 main characters, their roles, and their goals.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
P. 19 Selma convinces Elizabeth to stay at the transition house for 3 days.
Mid Point
P. 52 Elizabeth discovers Selma has lied to her.
Crisis
Elizabeth says she’s leaving. Selma closes herself in the bathroom and rocks back and forth in the dark.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
P. 93 All is lost. Then Selma writes a resignation letter and goes to Gaia. She admits she lied to Elizabeth and she lied to Gaia.
P. 93 Gains strength to continue. Gaia asks, “Do you remember what we hung on the wall?”
Selma answers, “But I’m not strong and brave and powerful.”
Gaia replies, “You are, much more than you think.”
Climax:
P. 99-100 Selma struggles to attain goal or fail.
A story–Selma persuades Elizabeth to admit that Mark controls everything in her life and she gave away her baby because he said she was delusional.
B story–Selma facilitates Elizabeth’s win over Mark. Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark loses. Elizabeth tells him he is despicable.
Resolution:
The police arrive and arrest Mark. Selma and Elizabeth create a world-wide self-help organization for survivors of domestic abuse.
ELEVATE THE INCITING INCIDENT
Purpose: Sets Selma on her journey. Should pair with the climax.
Selma gets an eviction notice. // Selma battles the land lady. Selma wins. She stays in her apartment.
Selma receives a phone call from Gaia inviting Selma to work at transition house. // Selma battles something that changes Gaia’s good opinion of Selma. She wins and continues to work at the transition house.
Elizabeth arrives at the transition house. // Selma battles Elizabeth to keep her from leaving. Selma wins. Elizabeth stays. (This is the most straight forward choice but leaves no room for Gaia to tell Selma about pilot project and for Selma is take the job.)
?? Something about Selma’s mother brings Selma to the transient house. // Flashback: Selma battles with her mother to leave Sarah’s father before she is killed. Selma battles with Elizabeth. Selma pleads that Elizabeth could be killed (This is the most interesting choice but may be too complicated.)
ELEVATE CRISIS
Purpose: to make Selma face her greatest fear. Her greatest fear may be:
To be homeless.
To ruin her reputation.
To not be good enough
To be too stupid to save Elizabeth.
***To fail Elizabeth as she failed her mother. Because Selma didn’t try to save her mother, she was killed. Selma is plagued by guilt. Saving Elizabeth would ease the guilt.
Maybe Selma has quick flashbacks of her mother’s death as Selma begs Elizabeth not to go home.
(Elizabeth is like Selma’s mother. Underneath the anger, Elizabeth is terrified, ashamed, begging for help, has no where to go, and has no one. Is Selma the same?)
ELEVATE THE CLIMAX
Purpose: to pit Selma against Elizabeth to decide if Selma fails or achieves her goal.
Selma vs Elizabeth is the A story. Selma wants Elizabeth to stay vs Elizabeth wants to go.
Selma blocks the gate.
Selma threatens Elizabeth.
***Selma gains or loses something within her self. The change allows Selma to approach Elizabeth differently. This results in Elizabeth changing. She decides to stay. Selma’s guilt eases.
Mark is the B story – Who is in control, Mark or Elizabeth.
Elizabeth battles Mark while Selma and Gaia watch.
Elizabeth tells Mark on the phone that he is despicable. Selma listens in.
***Selma battles Mark physically and mentally. Mark is defeated. This facilitates Elizabeth. She is able to say Mark is despicable.
This reply was modified 2 seconds ago by
Joan Butler.0
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Zabs’ Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is: I already knew that my biggest problem was in the first ten pages. It wasn’t clear what the main conflict was. And the protagonist’s Need that brings her into Act II wasn’t strong and detracted from the core story.
Brainstorming ideas for how to set up the conflict in the Opening while staying true to the character’s Want of being alone gave me what I needed to get the rest of the beats on track so they all honor the logline.
Original Structure:
Logline: A jaded loner seeks the truth about her late father’s shameful past but digging for answers could mean losing her sister’s trust forever.
Main Conflict: A woman wants to know if her sister lied about being molested, but fears losing her relationship with her sister in the process
1. Opening: Infinity wants to be alone. Ignores holiday card from her sister asking her to come home for Christmas. Avoids people and phone calls.
2. Inciting Incident: Infinity runs out of her inheritance money and calls Anne for a wire. Anne, who has been trying to call Infinity for days, lets Infinity know that their father died. Infinity needs to come home.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Not really. *This is the problem I’ve been trying to solve.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Infinity leaves her secluded mountain life and heads to Los Angeles to stay with Anne and her big family as they prepare for the funeral.
5. Mid-Point: Infinity enjoys being with family, is falling for her one-night stand, and has made friends.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Infinity learns she can make a lot of money in Los Angeles by selling the natural ointments she makes. She’s thinking about staying in Los Angeles for good.
7. Crisis: Infinity says a speech at her father’s funeral, forgiving him. She alludes to his innocence. Anne angrily storms out.
8. Climax: Infinity confronts Anne who confesses to lying about their father molesting her. Ashamed and riddled with guilt, Anne cuts ties with Infinity and Infinity leaves Los Angeles.
9. Resolution: Infinity realizes it’s lonely to be alone. She extends an olive branch to Anne and they reconcile.
Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate:
The Opening!
Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item:
The Opening.
Purpose: To set up that Infinity has inner conflict of wanting to love her father while remaining loyal to her sister.
-Infinity attends an AA meeting where she sets up the conflict.
-Flashback of Infinity’s father being torn from her as a child.
-Flashback of Infinity’s mother explaining why her father won’t be around anymore.
-Infinity receives a Christmas card from her father, rips it up, and throws it away. Then digs it out of the trash remorsefully.
-Infinity talks on the phone with her sister, who trash talks their father. Infinity holds back from defending him.
-Infinity attends confession at a Catholic church
Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made:
Main Conflict: A woman wants to know if her sister lied about being molested, but fears losing her relationship with her sister in the process
1. Opening: Infinity attends an AA meeting. She hasn’t spoken up at a meeting in a very long time. Today she confesses it’s weird she didn’t receive a Christmas card from her father. Even though they are estranged, he’s sent one every single year until now. It makes her feel conflicted. On one hand, she’s sad because she wants to love him, and worries he’s given up on her. But on the other, she feels guilty about being sad because of what he did to her sister, who she is loyal to despite some tension between them.
2. Inciting Incident: A lawyer calls Infinity and delivers the news: Her father has passed away.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Infinity needs to resolve inner conflict that is creating turmoil inside of her so she can find peace.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Infinity leaves the mountains and goes to Los Angeles to stay with her sister and put her father to rest.
5. Mid-Point: Infinity and her sister are closer than ever. Infinity is also learning more and more about her father from people who knew him. She is leaning toward his innocence.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Infinity learns she can forgive both her father and sister without ever having to confront Anne or confirm the truth. She decides she’s going to stay in Los Angeles with her sister.
7. Crisis: Infinity speaks at her father’s funeral. She honors him, forgives him, and asks for amends for not believing him. When she looks up, she sees that Anne showed up and has heard everything. Anne storms off.
8. Climax: Infinity chases Anne. Anne confesses to lying about their father molesting her. Ashamed and riddled with guilt, Anne cuts ties with Infinity. All alone once again, Infinity goes back to her secluded home in the mountains.
9. Resolution: Infinity extends an olive branch to Anne. Anne accepts.
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Terry’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is: My beats don’t neatly fit a 9-beat structure. And how to trim the back story to get to the inciting incident quicker.
1.Logline. A superficial realtor must survive Heaven’s “wake up call” when he switches bodies with an older widow to whom family means everything.
2.Main Conflict: Michael has a week to find a way back to his heart, reclaim his body and create new life possibilities beyond his current life-path’s scheduled heart attack.
1. Opening: Michael is confronted with repressed feelings by his out gay friend during their search & rescue mission, in conflict with his ex-wife and facing the loss of a big real estate contract that will cost him the coveted realtor of the year award. Meanwhile across the state recently widowed Georgia realizes something has happened to her nephew David and sets out to search for answers.
2. Inciting Incident: Michael’s and Georgia’s worlds collide in a car crash that sends them both to Heaven.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Not the main conflict. That becomes fully known after the inciting incident on p24.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Georgia’s gay son Jesse takes Michael, in Georgia’s comatose body, back to the ranch to die at home. Georgia, in Michael’s body is released from the hospital in Michael’s ex-wife’s care. Georgia renews her search for her missing nephew with Anna’s help.
5. Mid-Point: Michael learns how to leap back to his body and sustain his presence, only to find he is in a jail cell. He reads a note Georgia left him after she was arrested while in Michael’s body for stealing her horse. Jesse and Anna get Michael released and team up to finish the search for David.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Michael talks to Anna and finally owns his truth that he is gay.
7. Crisis: Michael, Jesse and Anna find David in a wilderness cave, badly wounded by poachers, and left for dead. When poachers realize David has been found they return to kill them all.
8. Climax: Michael makes the decision to risk his life by trading places with Georgia one last time before he has fully re-claimed his body, knowing he won’t survive if the fatal heart attack happens before they trade back.
9. Resolution: Georgia has the critical conversation with David which gives him renewed purpose to live. Michael’s fatal heart attack happens but Heaven rewards Michael with a new life path for his ultimate sacrifice.
3. Need to elevate the Opening. The main conflict shows up too late into the script.
4. Main Purpose of the Opening: Development and intros of my two lead characters & key supporting characters before inciting incident.
How to elevate: Need to streamline the character development and plot setup.
5.After elevating the Opening scene sequence.
Main Conflict: Michael has a week to find a way back to his heart, reclaim his body and create new life possibilities beyond his current life-path’s scheduled heart attack.
1. Opening: Main characters, backstory and conflict remain… but descriptions are undergoing significant streamlining, and scene order evaluated.
2. Inciting Incident: same as above
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Work In Progress…
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: same as above
5. Mid-Point: same as above
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: same as above
7. Crisis: same as above
8. Climax: same as above
9. Resolution: same as above
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Main Structure Outline and Elevation
Title: THE SANTA BROTHERHOOD
Logline: A “play-it safe” employee of an outdoor store gets involved with three store Santas, who are part of a clandestine but benevolent, secret society, just in time to start a Christmas project benefiting the kids and single moms in a housing project where the city’s most dangerous gang lives.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Main Conflict:
Doug’s: Setting aside his <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>play-it-safe attitude to engage in the Santa’s higher purpose of helping others year-around and trusting that the generosity he sows with cause generosity to flow back to him.
The Protagonists’: The Santas work to bring positive change to the kids and single parents in a high crime neighborhood where they are confronted by the deadly gang which controls it.
Opening:
A poor mother and child come in to the Outdoor Adventure World (OAW) to buy a camping stove to keep warm at home. Their electricity has been cut off. They come from a nearby apartment complex called The Project. Lead character Doug, a, top store designer and play-it-safe employee of 18 years, has a foreclosure warning on his mortgage, yet, generously gives the mother money to help her pay the bill. The three store Santa’s witness Doug’s generosity and invite him to join them. He is reluctant.
Inciting Incident:
The Santa’s intervene to save Doug’s life which opens Doug up to hear and accept their proposal to become part of their secret society, The Santa Brotherhood.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
The Project is the most dangerous part of the city. The Santa’s need a fourth man to help them in their quest to help the children and single mothers of The Project experience a better life. The Santas are all guys who have had rough and tough pasts. Now, they want to channel their lives into fulfilling the benevolent purpose and tradition of the legendary 4th century bishop of Myra, Saint Nicholas. They train and incorporate Doug into their operation.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Doug tours The Project in his car and is immediately confronted by T. Roy, leader of the gang who lives at The Project. Doug thinks about backing out, but then, he sees the young mother and her daughter live there. He reluctantly keeps with the program.
Doug’s late night activities with the Santas and a malfunctioning CPAP machine start to adversely affect his job performance. He gets a warning from the store manager.
Mid-Point:
While the Santas take a promotional photo of themselves in their Super Hero costumes OAW, T. Roy and gang attempt a smash and grab of guns and ammo. They are thwarted by The Santas. T. Roy escapes, however. A next-day, front-page newspaper article and photo of the Santas with Doug is seen by T. Roy.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
The Santas and Doug visit the manager of The Project, elderly Miss Amy. They plot a pre-Christmas party to find out what the kids and mothers need for Christmas and also plan a Christmas Eve delivery. T. Roy sees them at Miss Amy’s and pays her a visit, where he discovers their plan.
Crisis:
Doug gets caught sleeping on the job and gets fired. He goes home to find that the mortgage company has started foreclosure. He opts to put the house up for a Short Sale. The CEO, Tommy Moss, of OAW sees that Doug’s name was on the Employees Who Have Been Terminated List. He is told that Doug has been engaged with the store Santas on a project. Mr. Moss comes to see what Doug and the Santas are doing at The Project. Doug and the Santas hold their pre-Christmas party for the kids. Miss Amy starts getting sick.
T. Roy shows up and catches Doug alone at the end of the party. He will only let The Santas deliver Christmas packages to the kids and mothers only if Doug will get him the ammo that he needs. T. Roy swears him to silence or he will hurt the young mother and daughter.
Climax:
Not willing to let the kids and moms down or see any of them get hurt, he buys the ammo and brings it to T. Roy a day before the scheduled Christmas Eve delivery. On Christmas Eve, T. Roy and gang steal the Santa’s van with all of the packages. The Santa’s pursue in a black truck, also full of packages. The chase catches the attention of the police.
The pursuit takes the three vehicles down to the river where T. Roy crashes the van and flees on foot. Doug and one of the Santas, Cal, pursue them on foot. T. Roy starts shooting at them. Cal takes cover, but Doug continues and eventually catches the T. Roy and the gang member, pushing them into the river. Doug is scolded for pursuing while T. Roy was shooting. Doug revealed that they were blanks and that he had given them to T. Roy himself.
Doug’s bravery is commended. The police take T. Roy and the gang member into custody while the Santas and Doug, with Miss Amy’s help, deliver the packages before dawn.
Resolution:
The kids are seen opening their packages. T. Roy and gang are sent to prison. Tommy Moss visits Doug and reinstates him as the new director of the Kids Adventure World outreach program. He also implements a program at OAW specifically for single mothers to work and have childcare at all OAW stores.
Miss Amy realizes that she is dying and asks for T. Roy to visit her. She reveals that he is her son. T. Roy comes to her death bed and exchange forgiveness and love for each other. Before she dies, Miss Amy asks Doug for the Santas to keep visiting T. Roy in prison. One year later we see that T. Roy’s visit to his dying mother and the Santa’s continued visits have changed his life. He, Doug and the Santas are now working together with the other prisoners to change their lives for the better.
Elevation:
I was able to elevate the scene where T. Roy tells Doug he will allow the Christmas Eve present delivery only if Doug brings him live ammunition from his store. I elevated it by having T. Roy threaten the young mother and daughter.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Kenneth Wood.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by
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Assignment Day 2
Spirits of Cypress Point
What I learned doing this assignment: A couple of things. I had determined when I read the old draft before the class that spreading the action out across three locations was a huge part of the problem, so I did Assignment 1 all at the Mission, which was immediately helpful. What I learned doing this one was how much that one change would not only illuminate the script’s structural problems but would require me to literally throw out about two-thirds of it. Ouch. So, I tossed it, leaving me with only the most vague structural points to work with and nothing to present. I then had to brainstorm more detailed plot points, for everything past the Inciting Incident, and then brainstorm them again, which took much longer than 48 hours. I’m exhausted, and I still have to get feedback and do it again, but it’s done, and it was very productive. The other thing I learned was that I was trying to use Big Things happening for my plot points like I would in an action film when this is a ghost story – it has to start very small and creepy and get bigger to work. Big Things don’t have to be happening for things to be happening.
I am presenting you with the second pass because the first was mostly question marks.
Logline: A veteran of the brutal Mexican Wars for Independence is sent to the childhood home he swore he would never set foot in again to gain support for the newly installed Republic. But when a bank of fog driven by angry spirits traps him there, he and his childhood tormentors must face nasty truths about their pasts or die.
Main Conflict:
Opening: Father Zabala exorcises the Fog Spirits, ignoring Ohlone girl Ushi’s warning that they will come back and be angry.
Ramon arrives at the Mission. He is greeted with enthusiasm as a local boy who made good, but he soon realizes that nothing has changed here. The leaders of this community have no interest in equal rights or justice – they are too wrapped up in petty squabbles and grievances. And Antonio, who bullied him as a child, is still as aggressively racist as ever. Ramon orders his men to pack up and get ready to go home as quickly as possible.
Inciting Incident: The Fog Spirits roll back in and as the locals predicted, they are agitated and angry. The fog is too thick to see more than two feet away – Ramon is trapped at the Mission, along with everyone else.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: To survive and escape, Ramon must figure out how to deal with these dangerous ghosts, as well as his old enemy, Antonio.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Enrique’s body is found in the fountain, covered in strange marks. Ramon sets about trying to find out what happened.
Mid-Point: Ramon hears Eulalia scream and finds Antonio sexually assaulting her. He fires his pistol but the figure disappears into the mist. Worse, he realizes that he nearly shot his wife. He realizes that this is a supernatural problem and abandons the investigation, turning his attention to figuring out how to deal with the spirits.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: After seeing increasingly horrifying apparitions, Zabala is losing it. He drags Ushi out of her hut, calling her a witch and screaming for her to call off her demons. He looks around at the crowd of workers gathering and all he can see are ghostly apparitions. Attacks wildly, swinging and stabbing at the ghosts, only to have his vision clear and realize that he has just killed Ushi. The workers stare in horror and rage. Zabala runs away, leaving his young guards to face the angry workers. The spirits pursue him, surrounding him and zooming around, hitting him. He backs away and finally flees, throwing himself off a nearby cliff. The Mission erupts into violence and chaos.
Crisis: Ramon’s efforts to figure out what the spirits want have failed. He goes out into the fog and dredges up a half-remembered turn and sings. He calls the spirits to him, they swirl around him, like a hive of angry bees. Then, the boy appears, followed by the woman, Ramon’s mother. She shows him the truth. She wasn’t killed by bandits as he had been told. Domingo, Antonio, and Enrique hunted her down when she tried to return to her people with Ramon, and killed her in front of him, clubbing the little boy unconscious when he tried to interfere. When he came to, they convinced him that it was bandits. Ramon sees everything now.
Climax: But Antonio is still out there, seeking Ramon, and the spirits have driven him insane. He attacks, and they fight. Ramon tells Antonio that he knows what he did. Antonio says that he would do it again, spouting hate and venom. He won’t change or see truth. He is beyond saving. Ramon strikes a non-lethal blow and then walks away and lets the spirits take him.
Resolution: The spirits fade and the violence with them, leaving the survivors to pick up the pieces.
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Subject: Daniel’s concept and Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
1. Logline: “In the year 2106, a cynical war veteran filled with self-hatred and guilt must open herself to the magical beliefs of a little girl she’s sworn to protect against the feudalism waging a civil war.”
Main Conflict: “A cynical war veteran must escort a little girl to safety as society crumbles in the wake of civil war.”
1. Opening: Paladin Rafaela Gutiérrez struggles to find meaning in her life and blames herself for the kidnapping and murder of her young daughter. She dreams of starting over through an expensive retirement program called “After-Life” which allows clients to live out their days within a simulation indistinguishable from reality. Unfortunately for Rafaela, the cost of the program keeps this dream from becoming reality.
2. Inciting Incident: She meets with anti-noble militia leader Henrietta Stone, and her lieutenant, Juan. They offer Rafaela a large sum to escort two refugees into the protection of a mystical scientific group called The Hide, who is on the verge of discovering where consciousness goes in the after-life. Skeptical about such claims, she agrees when promised enough gold to pay for her luxurious retirement sim.
3. On page 10, Rafaela meets Henrietta, Juan, and the two refugees: a mystic called Gloria, and Lena, an 11-year-old. At this point, we know the movie is about a soldier who is about to become responsible for the lives of two refugees and confront the demons from her past.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Henrietta is murdered in a coup led by Juan over an experimental serum carried through Lena’s blood. The serum allows Lena to speak with the consciousness of her dead father within a simulation she brings with her. When Lena learns that Juan intends to kill her for the only remaining vial of serum that had been kept secret, she entrusts Rafaela with it. Rafaela drinks the serum to stop Juan from killing her and decides to help Lena and Gloria escape and get to The Hide with Lady Monica’s help.
5. Mid-Point: At the estate of her matron, Rafaela discovers that they’ll die without a blood transplant. After Juan’s group raids, then murders everyone at Lady Monica’s estate, Rafaela, Gloria, and Lena go to a penal colony run by her brother Goyo, only to find that he’s lost his mind after becoming addicted to being in a simulation. The assistant warden reports them to noble authorities when he sees a news item blaming Rafaela for Juan’s actions. Gloria sacrifices her life during an elite military raid, allowing the others to escape. Rafaela and Lena must find a way to The Hide on their own.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: At The Hide’s secret location, Rafaela learns that Lena’s father had previously agreed to perform the “ascent of the soul” ritual, sending his consciousness to track the destination of an energy beam that peaks on a cycle synchronizing with the impending solar eclipse.
7. Crisis: Juan destroys Lena’s black box while she’s inside with her father and falls into a coma.
8. Climax: Guilt-ridden over Lena’s coma, Rafaela decides to break into Juan’s stronghold to perform the ceremony that Lena believes takes spirits to the afterlife.
9. Resolution: Rafaela breaks into the ceremonial chamber, defeats Juan, and performs the ascent of the soul ritual. Lena wakes from her coma and Rafaela goes to the afterlife having forgiven herself for the death of her daughter.
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Subject: Daniel’s concept and Basic Structure Version 2
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
Through isolating these key beats and analyzing them for purpose and emotional impact, the “core” of the story begins to rise to the surface. I can see where I’ve added too many concepts. The brainstorming became less about seeking alternatives to cliché and more about removing unnecessary storylines (for this script anyway).
Logline: “In the year 2106, North American feudalism crumbles in the wake of civil war. A cynical war veteran filled with self-hatred and guilt must open herself to the magical beliefs of a little girl she’s sworn to protect.”
Main Conflict: A war veteran must escort a little girl and her father’s remains to safety against a dangerous civil war where both sides want them dead.
1. Opening: Paladin Rafaela Gutiérrez struggles to find meaning in her life and blames herself for the kidnapping and murder of her young daughter. She dreams of starting over through an expensive retirement program called “After-Life” which allows clients to live out their days within a simulation indistinguishable from reality. Unfortunately for Rafaela, the cost of the program, and growing debt to her matron, Lady Monica Critwell, keeps this dream from becoming reality.
2. Inciting Incident: She meets with anti-noble militia leader Henrietta Stone, and her lieutenant, Juan. They offer Rafaela a large sum to escort two refugees into the protection of a mystical scientific group called The Hide, who is on the verge of discovering where consciousness goes in the after-life. Skeptical about such claims, she agrees when promised enough gold to pay for her luxurious retirement sim.
3. On page 10, Rafaela meets Henrietta, Juan, and the two refugees: a mystic called Gloria, and Lena, an 11-year-old who carries her dead father’s consciousness in a small simulation box developed by The Hide. (At this point, we know the movie is about a soldier who becomes responsible for the lives of two refugees and must confront the demons in her past.)
4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Henrietta is murdered in a coup led by Juan. When Rafaela learns that Juan intends to kill her and Lena to use the new technology as a bargaining chip in the upcoming civil war, she helps Lena and Gloria escape just as war breaks out between revolutionaries and nobility.
5. Mid-Point Day 2 Assignment 1: At Lady Monica’s estate, Rafaela learns they must wait until the following midnight to receive The Hide’s coordinates when Lena will perform a magic ritual! The civil war escalates as Juan’s group murders, raids, and seizes noble property and assets. Rafaela, Gloria, and Lena escape to a penal colony run by her brother, only to find that he’s lost his mind inside a simulation. The assistant warden reports them to noble authorities when he sees a news item blaming Rafaela for Juan’s actions. Gloria sacrifices her life during a military raid, allowing the others to escape. As Lena’s symptoms worsen, Rafaela performs the ritual, and they finally make it to The Hide!
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Juan finds The Hide’s location and brings his battle with noble forces there. After successfully taking control of the base, Juan destroys Lena’s black box while she’s inside with her father and falls into a coma.
7. Crisis: Guilt-ridden over Lena’s coma, Rafaela decides to break into Juan’s stronghold to perform the ceremony that Lena believes takes spirits to the afterlife.
8. Climax: Rafaela breaks into the ceremonial chamber, defeats Juan, and performs the “ascent of the soul” ritual.
9. Resolution: Lena wakes from her coma and Rafaela goes to the afterlife having forgiven herself for the death of her daughter.
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What I learned doing this lesson: To be open to different story options because their ability to elevate the quality of your script may surprise you.
Logline: A homeless teenage orphan, chasing her dream of becoming the next Adele, must survive the streets of L.A. and the pursuit of the criminal who killed her family.
This is based on the pilot episode for the TV series.
Main Conflict:
Opening: Clare’s seemingly real-life concert performance is revealed as a daydream when a homeless woman accosts her and jolts her back to the reality of being homeless.
Inciting Incident: Clare’s life is horribly transformed when her family perishes in their home explosion.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Clare wants to give up and die but chooses to live as a way to honor her family and uses her goal of becoming a world-famous vocal star as her drive and motivation.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Clare is forced to live with her relatives who hate her.
Mid-Point: Even if Clare ever felt like singing again, her dream of stardom seems totally impossible and without the two things she loves the most in the world, she wants also to die. She must find the will to survive the aftermath of losing her family.
Police detective Christian Santiago, compelled by a nefarious and as of yet, unidentified man behind the scenes, is trying to find and locate the member of the family that survived the attack.
Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Crisis: Clare has a melt-down and gets stupid-drunk in an effort to dull her pain. Her best friend, Natalie, and her vile aunt Margaret find her passed out, which enrages Margaret and compels her to treat Clare even worse than she already does.
Climax: Natalie has the where-with-all to talk things through with Clare and help her see that wasting her life cannot be an option; she must live to honor her family.
Resolution: Clare decides she agrees with Natalie and resolves to find a motivation to live.
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Singling out the “Crisis: Clare gets stupid-drunk” to elevate.
New Ways to Write This Scene:
1. Clare attempts suicide.
2. Clare has a meltdown in front of guests while her aunt and uncle are having a dinner party.
3. Clare records and posts a TikTok video venting about how horrible her life has become and how she doesn’t want to live anymore and it goes viral.
4. Clare destroys her room, i.e. throws her lamp against the wall, overturns the desk, rips up the bed, etc.
I chose #3 – the TikTok video.
Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the following:
Main Conflict:
Points 1 – 6 remain the same.
7. Crisis: Clare records and posts a TikTok video venting about how horrible her life has become and how she doesn’t want to live anymore and it goes viral.
Climax: This embarrasses and enrages her aunt and prompts her to contact a social worker to relocate Clare to a girls’ halfway home as a last straw. But Clare’s TikTok community rallies around her and convinces her to start posting videos of her singing as a way to rise above her depression and become a star on the platform.
Resolution: Clare is consoled by the outpouring of concern and encouragement to live her dream. She decides to accept their challenge to pursue her dream. Lisa’s Concept and Basic Structure Version 2
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I am still brainstorming my scene options for the Climax, which is the plot point that I like the least.
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Sorry! I thought I posted this already! Here’s assignment #2…
Subject: Arial’s Basic Structure Version 1
“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…?” Tone is super important and I learned I had no clue what tone was. How I saw the script in my head is NOT what people were reflecting back to me about what they felt when they read it. That’s my fault, and after doing a little homework on tone, that’s the biggest thing I need to fix.
But I also learned that reviewing the structure at this high level helps a lot of with not only determining problems, but standing back far enough from the story to see the flaws.
Title: Haunted Fixer-Upper (1-hour TV Pilot)
Logline:* After her husband asks for a divorce, a middle-aged housewife must flip haunted houses with the help of her grandmother’s spirit.
Main Conflict (for the series): Nikole has purchased a haunted house to flip and must learn to use her newly inherited psychic gifts in order to rid of the ghosts so she can sell the house. (Selling the house is the season-long problem.)
Opening: Visited by her deceased grandmother, Skye, Nikole learns she’s inherited her grandmother’s psychic abilities when Skye passes away in the middle of the night.
Inciting Incident: Nikole’s husband asks for a divorce when Nikole won’t move on after their daughter has been M.I.A. for three years.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Kicked out of her home, Nikole moves in with her best friend Rhonda and decides to reboot her old career of flipping houses to support herself, while still hanging onto the hope that her daughter is still alive.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Nikole has a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent who sells her an old Victorian house to renovate (The Bailey House). What Nikole doesn’t know is Brian and the seller of the house have targeted her because of her family’s psychic abilities.
Mid-Point: When Nikole gets the keys to The Bailey House, she has her first real psychic experience and sees dead bodies everywhere. However, she’s still in denial that she has any abilities and ignores the visions.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nikole’s moved into the newly renovated master bedroom at The Bailey House and has a face-to-face encounter with Clara May Bailey – a ghost. Confirmed: This place is haunted!
Crisis: Nikole now has a haunted house with a notorious history and not only learns it’s one of the reasons it sold so cheap, but every resident prior to her has died in ways similar to the founding family! She may be stuck with a haunted house she can’t sell AND her life is in danger.
Climax: With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, Nikole attempts to discover the unfinished business of the ghost residents. But an unexpected Dark Entity attacks Grandma Skye and she almost loses her grandmother. Her problem is bigger than she thought.
Resolution: Treading lightly is not an option in getting rid of the ghosts, but Nikole isn’t about to be kicked out of another home. Skye can’t resolve her unfinished business until Nikole learns to use her newly acquired abilities, so Skye vows to help Nikole so she can do the renovations and sell the house. This midlife crisis thing, though? Nikole might be on her own.
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Arial’s Basic Structure Version 2
Main Conflict: Nikole has purchased a haunted house to flip and must learn to use her newly inherited clairvoyance in order to rid of the ghosts so she can sell the house. (Selling the house is the season-long problem.)
Opening: Visited by her deceased grandmother Skye, Nikole learns she’s inherited her grandmother’s psychic abilities when Skye passes away in the middle of the night.
***TONE is the big thing I’ll be changing in the script, and this scene especially will be rewritten to reflect that tone. Less middle-class suburbia and more creepy, haunted house/haunted life stuff going on. I might even add a teaser scene showing why Nikki’s mother is unaccepting of the family abilities, and why Nikki did not grow up learning about them, making her unprepared for the time she inherits them.
Inciting Incident: Nikole’s husband asks for a divorce when Nikole won’t move on after their daughter has been M.I.A. for three years.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Kicked out of her home, Nikole moves in with her best friend Rhonda and decides to reboot her old career of flipping houses to support herself, while still hanging onto the hope that her daughter is still alive.
First turning point at end of Act 1: Nikole has a “chance” meeting with a real estate agent who sells her an old Victorian house to renovate (The Bailey House). What Nikole doesn’t know is Brian and the seller of the house have targeted her because of her family’s psychic abilities.
Mid-Point: When Nikole gets the keys to The Bailey House, she has her first real psychic experience and sees dead bodies everywhere. She’s still in denial that she has any abilities and pretends they didn’t happen
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Nikole’s moved into the newly renovated master bedroom at The Bailey House and has a face-to-face encounter with Clara May Bailey – a ghost. Confirmed: This place is haunted! She cannot be in denial about her situation.
Crisis: Nikole now has a haunted house with a notorious history and not only learns it’s one of the reasons it sold so cheap, but every resident prior to her has died in ways similar to the founding family! She may be stuck with a haunted house she can’t sell AND her life is in danger.
Climax: With the help of her grandmother’s spirit, Nikole attempts to discover the unfinished business of the ghost residents. But an unexpected Dark Entity attacks Grandma Skye and she almost loses her. Her problem is bigger than she thought.
***This seemed a little too…convenient? Easy? Anti-climactic? I’m thinking about bringing in the presence or knowledge that Skye’s husband, Drake – also Nikki’s grandfather – is not actually dead, but alive, and part of Granny’s unfinished business.
Resolution: Treading lightly is not an option in getting rid of the ghosts, but Nikole isn’t about to be kicked out of another home. Skye can’t resolve her unfinished business until Nikole learns to use her newly acquired abilities, so Skye vows to help Nikole so she can do the renovations and sell the house. This midlife crisis thing, though? Nikole might be on her own.
***The change in the climax will not change the resolution. Nik will still have the same resolve, but I think Nik sticking to resolving the issue of the house will also be vowing to resolve the issue of the hidden secrets in the family, too.
*A special thanks to Daniel Rangel for his help in tightening up my logline!
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Thanks for the shout-out Arial! Basic structure and logline are looking good. 🤘Love where your story is going. This would be a great Halloween pilot! 👻
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Thanks, Daniel!!
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Subject: Daniel’s concept and Basic Structure Version 3
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is…
Getting a late start to this class has really set me back. This assignment has been very difficult to complete without really having completed the Day 1 assignment (finding the “core”). Going to stop with what I’ve got and move on to Day 3 assignment.
Logline: “In the year 2106, North American feudalism crumbles in the wake of civil war and a cynical war veteran must open herself to the magical beliefs of a little girl she’s sworn to protect.”
Main Conflict: “Soldier must escort a young girl to a mystical group during civil war where both sides will stop at nothing to prevent her from performing a sacred ritual that takes spirits to the afterlife.”
1. Opening:
Paladin Rafaela Gutiérrez struggles to find meaning in her life and blames herself for the kidnapping and murder of her young daughter. She dreams of starting over through an expensive retirement program called “After-Life” which allows clients to live out their days within a simulation indistinguishable from reality. Unfortunately for Rafaela, the cost of the program keeps this dream from becoming reality.
2. Inciting Incident:
Rafaela meets with anti-noble militia who offer her a large sum to escort Lena, an 11-year-old refugee carrying an experimental serum in her blood, to a mystical scientific group called The Hide, who are on the verge of discovering where consciousness goes in the after-life. Skeptical about such claims, she agrees when promised enough gold to pay for her luxurious retirement sim.
3. On page 10
Rafaela meets Lena and they begin their journey, but are ambushed on the road and taken to safety by Juan, leader of an extremist guerrilla group. (At this point, we know the movie is about a soldier who becomes responsible for the life of a refugee and must confront the demons in her past.)
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
When Rafaela learns that Juan intends to kill her and Lena to use the new technology as a bargaining chip in the upcoming civil war, she drinks the only remaining vial of serum that had been kept secret! The two escape Juan just as war breaks out between revolutionaries and nobility.
5. Mid-Point:
Lena explains to Rafaela that they’ll die without blood transplants from The Hide and they must wait for the following midnight when Lena must perform a magic ritual to receive coordinates to the location! The civil war escalates as Juan’s group raids and seizes noble property and assets. Rafaela is now a fugitive as noble authorities blame her for Juan’s actions. Lena’s symptoms worsen and she can barely move. This forces Rafaela to perform the ritual in her place. They receive the coordinates and finally make it to The Hide!
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2:
Rafaela fights to stay alive and get to the group. Lena receives her transplant, but is driven into a coma by Juan, who tells Rafaela that her ritual meant nothing, he’d hacked her equipment to receive the coordinates.
7. Crisis:
Guilt-ridden over Lena’s coma, Rafaela decides to sacrifice her chance at removing the serum that’s killing her, to go help Lena.
8. Climax:
Rafaela defeats Juan and performs the sacred ritual.
9. Resolution:
Lena wakes from her coma and Rafaela goes to the afterlife having forgiven herself for the death of her daughter.
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Jeff Hall’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned: Rewriting can be extremely effective done on the “summary” level.
Log Line: After his innocent friend is hung for brutal murders, a deputy discovers the murders are part of a string of gruesome slayings. He must leave everything behind to stop this ghost-like serial killer.
Opening: The Tall Man silently slays family in the middle of the night.
Inciting Incident: A mob of townsfolk hang Ben’s innocent friend for the murders.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Ben’s pursuit of the murderer
First turning point at end of Act 1: Ben discovers a pattern of murders. Then finds his boss and his fiance sleeping together. Ben leaves the town and pursues the murderer.
Mid-Point: Ben is not welcomed in the new town, but is met with suspicion as he looks for a killer that no one has seen.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Another slaying of a family. Ben is hung for the murder, but narrowly escapes death with the help of the sheriff.
Crisis: Completely broken, Ben flees to the next town. Taken in by the orphanage.
Climax: The Tall Man sets the orphanage on fire and tries to kill them all. As Ben pursues, the Tall Man jumps onto the train. They fight on the train.
Resolution: Ben and the Tall Man fall off the train bridge and into the river. Ben survives, but the Tall Man disappears.
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Jeff Hall’s Basic Structure Version 2
What I learned: Rewriting can be extremely effective done on the “summary” level.
Log Line: After his innocent friend is hung for brutal murders, a deputy discovers the murders are part of a string of gruesome slayings. He must leave everything behind to stop this ghost-like serial killer.
Opening: The Tall Man silently slays family in the middle of the night. WITH BLOOD HE WRITES GIBBERISH ON THE WALLS.
Inciting Incident: A mob of townsfolk brutally LYNCH and hang Ben’s innocent friend for the murders.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Ben’s pursuit of the murderer
First turning point at end of Act 1: Ben discovers a pattern of murders. Then finds his boss and his fiance sleeping together. A distraught Ben leaves the town and pursues the murderer.
Mid-Point: Ben is not welcomed in the new town, but is met with suspicion as he looks for a killer that no one has seen. DRUNK AND BROKE, HE STIFFS THE BAR AND IS BEATEN AND THROWN ON THE STREET.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Another slaying of a family. Ben is hung for the murder, but narrowly escapes death with the help of the sheriff.
Crisis: Completely broken, Ben flees to the next town. Taken in by the orphanage. THOUGH THE ORPHANS ARE STARVING, THEY FEED AND SHELTER BEN. BEN’S OPIUM ADDICTION IS EXPOSED. HE IS HUMILIATED AND HUMBLED.
Climax: The Tall Man sets the orphanage on fire and tries to kill them all. As Ben pursues, the Tall Man jumps onto the train. They fight on the train. (LARGE CHOREOGRAPHED SCENE)
Resolution: Ben and the Tall Man fall off the train bridge and into a violent river. Ben survives, but the Tall Man disappears.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by Jeff Hall.
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