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Day 2: Review Structure and Bust Cliches
Reply to post your assignment.
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8 Replies
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Mary and Rich’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is that if any of the structure elements sag, the rest after will as well. Fixed a cliche part and it brought the rest into focus. We like this process, although it’s quite similar to Fresh and Edgy class as well as ProSeries module.
Tell us your logline.
GenX Morty and GenZ Jax are involuntarily teamed up in Screenwriting 101, and immediately struggle to pair wildly different concepts that mirror their chaotic lives into one amazing winning script.
Main Conflict: Can GenX and GenZ keep from killing each other as they try to integrate diverse opposing viewpoints, only to discover much common ground.
Opening: In their first night class Morty and Jax are rejected by a “posse” of students. Morty cracks corny jokes, and provokes negative reactions, while Jax withdraws and sips a Red Bull to keep himself awake.
Inciting Incident: The teacher Mz. Bustamonte announces the final grade in class will be based on a screenplay they develop in writing teams, and Morty and Jax are involuntarily matched after everyone else is taken. The next day, Morty can never find Jax to work with him. He starts on a trek to find him, eventually in an art class.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Morty and Jax have drastically different takes on each other (“kid” and “old man”) as well as their movie genre.
They have the waitress decide; Morty loses and can’t go out of his comfort zone to consider GenZ things. Jax now leads but does he care enough to see this through?
First turning point at end of Act 1: As they outline, Jax has to keep explaining things. Morty confesses he was a workaholic before getting laid off so this is all new, but he really wants to impress the hot teacher. Jax argues the teacher says no dating students, so tells Morty he’ll get him a hot date (via social media) and in return Morty commit 100% to wormhole aliens, and forget Shakespeare vs Hitler.
Mid-Point: Morty tries the new way (dating) and starts to see Jax’ point. Morty stumbles upon Jax’s relationship with Melanie and Kyle while visiting his house. He also sees some of Jax’s amazing collage/weaving wall hanging art work.
Jax is impressed with the instant fatherly way Morty relates to Kyle, and it makes him think differently about himself and Melanie/Kyle. Morty convinces Jax to tell Melanie how he feels about her.
Second turning point at end of Act 2: Play acting their outline, they stumble on a whole new way to combining their interests, Yard Wars having fun with the whole process. (maybe including Melanie and Kyle) (In a sense, they are creating a new family.) With a three-day weekend coming up, they decide to take a writing break and have a picnic at the airshow. Morty can invite his new date and Jax can invite Melanie and Kyle.
Crisis: Jax’s Dad, a bigwig at the airshow notices Jax driving in from his office as he debriefs Bella Bustamonte, an ex-air force flyer demonstrating planes today. Jax later sees Bella, thinks she’s the “mystery” date of Morty’s, but is surprised when Melanie’s mom is Morty’s date. Jax gets into an argument with his Dad, who saw him with Melanie and Kyle – he cuts off funds. Morty then tells the Dad off, after Jax leaves. Morty says to Jax’s Dad, “I wish I still had a son to screw up like you have.” Later Jax confronts Morty about dating Melanie’s Mom. They argue and Morty and Jax split stalking off their seperate ways.
Then Jax sees Bella getting Kyle to do push-ups – Jax goes wild, seeing this as like his Dad’s stern ways.
Jax goes to Morty’s house to apologize. Morty is in despair. He tells Jax about his dead wife and son. He is really down in the dumps. Jax convinces Morty to continue. They submit their screenplay to the contest.
Climax: Morty can’t stand to go into the classroom to find out the results. Morty waits by his old car, Mabel. Jax returns and announces that they won and offers him the money. But, just as Morty is about to rejoice and take it, some students stream out of class and mock them bragging about how the students in fact one and Morty and Jax lost. Morty refuses the money from Jax.
Resolution: Jax convinces Morty to take the money as a loan and that he wants Morty to repay by signing up with him for the next class. This is the start of a beautiful friendship a la Casablanca.
Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
The scene to elevate: Originally we had Morty finding Jax in an drawing class.—-We want to elevate this one by having Morty be the nude figure posing in the drawing class and inadvertantly stumbling upon Jax in the class. He confronts him still naked and gets Jax to agree to meet and work with him.
Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm list of other possible ways to deliver that structural item.
The main purpose of that scene in the story is for Morty to trap Jax into committment, something that Jax has a problem with. Jax does commit. And Morty finds out that Jax’s real love is art. We feel that it would be more humorous to have Morty be the one posing nude for the class than a stereo-typical nude model.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Mary Chamberlin.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Anyone interested in exchanging structures and today’s changes? We’d love to with someone, you can message us here or email at rc2784.janice@gmail.com
Mary and Rich Chamberlin
marynrich.com
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What I learned from this module is the keep coming up with ideas and don’t get stuck on perfection. Keeping the creativity going is very freeing.
Log line:
A mentally troubled young college dropout comes home only to witness her father violently murder her mother, but when the CIA takes him away, she goes on a journey to uncover a shocking dark secret about his past.
Synopsis:
1. Opening
1980
Three men in generic clothing, all dressed the same, are escorted into a room by doctors, who are escorted by armed soldiers. A doctor thanks the men for their service as they’re strapped to beds and tubes inserted in their veins, lethal injection style. The main doctor gives the order to begin after the men are locked inside. The men writhe and shake and start, in concert, to mumble then yell out nonsensical words, then other languages ,THEN…two of the men turn into hideous malformed white beasts. Soldiers rush inside to shoot them dead, but the soldiers are easily destroyed by the beasts and consumed. The beasts suddenly are entranced, looking at the main doctor, whose eyes are now rolled up in his head. The third man is still on his bed, normal, strapped, writhing. The beasts hold still in some sort of stupor with flakes of white skin slowly rising up to the ceiling and disappearing like burning embers.
Present day
Abigail 60’s, hears an eerie scratching at her front door. With trepidation, she opens the door to a muddied, disoriented and dishevelled young woman in the middle of what seems to be a fit. The woman collapses.
The young woman startles awake. She is on a bed. Abigail wipes her face. Abigail asks April, her daughter, if she’s still taking her meds. April doesn’t want talk about that. Abigail admits she gave her a small dose that should tide her for a bit. April is pissed, but is thankful her mom tried to help. She just needs rest and no stress. Abigail, not trying to pry, wonders is she going back to graduate school. April gives her nothing.
April, Abigail and the father, Brent, have dinner and seem to be getting along. Suddenly, Brent wants to know why she came back. She agreed to stay away. April is pissed as she feels like she’s been cast off instead of getting any help from them. Brent asks if she’s taking her meds. If so, that’s all she needs. Brent tells her to leave in the morning. April and Abigail are shocked.
In April’s bedroom, Abigail tries to explain that Brent hasn’t been himself. It’s all she can do to take care of him and get prescriptions without a doctor’s care. April is shocked to hear that he’s on meds too and she is risking her nurse’ license.
2. Inciting Incident
That night, April startles awake to shrieking. April finds Brent, seemingly possessed, murdering her mother in the kitchen with disturbing ease before he turns on her. April sprints back to her room and locks herself in. Her father bangs on her door, speaks in other languages and makes beastly grunts as he settles in to wait for her to come out.
The next day, her father is remorseful, a shadow of himself and April is without answers. A plainclothes officer asks if she remembers anything her father may have told her. They take him away in an unmarked armored truck.
April tries to find anything in the house that would explain what happened. She turns up a cache of hundreds of empty bottles in the basement. She also finds a ton of magnets with symbols scratched into them. She starts having a seizure.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
April goes to the police and finds out her father was not taken to jail. He’s probably with the CIA so she should let this go. April asks why would the CIA want him, but they have no idea. She asks where they would take him. They have no idea on that either, but would guess the old military outpost.
April goes there but is turned away. No one in the area knows about the base or what they do. She finally finds someone who was a guard at the base. He mentions there was a program that was shut down some years ago. And they all were retired with full benefits. The base hasn’t been active for decades. April shows him a picture of her father and tells him his name. The guard is shocked and mumbles another name, Austin Gant. The name she gave him is not the right name and he doesn’t want to talk any further.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
April approaches a research assistant, Kerry, who seems out of place in this town. She asks if he’s ever heard of a scientist, using the new name. He admits he’s a big fan of his work. He wants to continue his work in dimensional impacts in biomolecular structures. Right now, he’s just a data analyst there. She tells him she’s a grad student, physics. She believes the scientist may be in the inside, right now. She’s his daughter and wants to find some of his research. If she can get his help, she will give him access to what she finds.
Kerry helps April get access to a file room where April’s senses start going crazy. She’s overwhelmed and can barely walk, but is drawn to a folder with a name, Ayoki Koji. She touches the folder and starts having visions. She starts hearing voices as she sees destroyed landmarks, death, and then she’s transported into a world of unspeakable horror and demons.
Kerry comes in the file room and wakes her up. She tells him there is someone who was a part of the program that may be alive. April’s visions lead them to him.
Ayoki Koji, a strung out drug addict who will only talk if they buy him a meal. He is severely damaged from all of the drug use over the years. April asks him about Dr. Austin Gant. He starts to sober up. He tells her to let it go and tries to leave. She grabs him and tries to stop him. When she touches him he freezes with a distorted smile as his skin starts to turn white and flake in patches. He tells her she has the sight and will join him in hell. He escapes, but as soon as they chase him outside, the military vehicles descend on them and round them up.
5. Mid-Point
The officer who spoke with her at her house, Field Officer Gaskins talks with April: she’s in a former torture room, he’s on the other side of the glass. He asks her what she’s trying to do. She asks where her father is and she uses his real name. That’s a problem. He skilfully doesn’t answer. He tells her that her father is clearly a sick man. She saw that and they need to find out how sick he really is. She doesn’t buy it. She asks where is Ayoki and Kerry. He says that they will take care of their own. He tells her that they will get her anything she needs, but they have to hold her as they believe Ayoki has an infection that could be contagious they need to observe her.
In the cell, April’s hand starts to itch. She checks her palm and a patch of skin is turning flaky white.
She starts to hallucinate, she sees Ayoki he’s walking through the building, but it flicks between hell and the building. She hears her door opening. Its Ayoki. She asks him how he got to her. He tells her he’s escaped before. He was a part of three soldiers who volunteered for special duty. They were clairvoyants who were a part of a Remote Viewing program called SIGHT SEER to see enemy targets beyond the lines. But they were given special medications and they saw something else. They saw beyond the earthly dimension and there’s no coming back. Anyone it touches is permanently scarred.
Ayoki and April find Kerry. He’s been tortured and can barely walk.
Ayoki helps find Dr. Gant. He’s in poor shape. He’s strapped down, flaky all over, somewhat bigger and his face is terrifying. Red swollen eyes, teeth gone from black slick gums.
April is destroyed but she wants to get her father out. Her father can’t see but senses Ayoki is there. He weeps and apologizes for what he did to him and the other soldiers. He ran the program. Since he’s also a clairvoyant, he thought that he could help the country. But it’s too late for him and Ayoki now. They need drugs to block their minds and/or magnets to block the magnetic field and short circuit contact from the other side, but there’s nothing that can stop it now. He won’t leave with them, he’s changing too fast. So they have to get out as soon as possible. The alarms go off in the building. Her father starts to change rapidly: he gets much bigger like the creatures from the beginning.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
April, Kerry and Ayoki escape the room as quickly as they can with their lives while trying to avoid being captured by the soldiers. Dr. Gant breaks out of the restraints and bursts out of the room. He goes on a rampage of mayhem. The lights flash on and off. The Gant monster has turned out the power. Ayoki is able to guide them away from the creature with his senses, but he’s slowly become less and less able to fight off the change.
They get pinned down in an office as they barely avoid some soldiers.
They discover Field Officer Gaskins sitting in the office, seemingly accepting defeat. He explains that one of the creatures has awoken and it’s only a matter of time before it breaks out. The two creatures have been stored in large magnetic casings for years. They were hoping Dr. Gant could put them back to sleep, once again. They had no idea that bringing them all together would make things worse. The other creature has awoken, Dr. Gant has changed and from the looks of things it’s only a matter of time before Ayoki and his horde escape and wreak havoc on the world.
They tell him to stop complaining and help them get to the creatures. They ask if they have drugs. Then they can drug the two contained creatures.
7. Crisis
Gaskins and the team meet a couple soldiers who have tranquilizer darts on steroids. They go to a secret chamber in the bowels of the building. Three big magnetic chambers with symbols engraved rest there. One has a door open. Ayoki mentions, I guess that was for me. The Deputy shows a handheld digital device. He tells the soldiers still alive to lead the creature to the basement. The soldiers are shooting and running and shooting and running. On the digital read out, the soldiers are disappearing. One by one.
April sees her arm is now scaly, it’s growing and she weeps. Ayoki tries to steady her. She’s hated her dad all this time, but he was trying to protect her. If she could only help him now.
A couple soldiers make it in. The Gant creature busts in. He is much bigger and feral.
8. Climax
They open fire on the creature while one of the soldiers shoot a tranquilizer. That slows it, but it comes forward. They shoot another tranquilizer and he slows more. He stops. The creature suddenly leaps to the ceiling, climbs over them and drops in front of the magnetic chambers.
It seems that he’s protecting them, but suddenly the creatures inside become wild and bang the walls desperately and a crack appears in one of the cases. The Gant creature stands to bang the case from the other side and he’s shot with one more tranquilizer. He stumbles but bursts through the case from the outside.
Everyone scrambles to leave. The second case cracks.
While they’re running through the hallways Ayoki looks like there’s not much to go. His hair is falling out and his skin is cracking. He slows to a stop. He says he will try to stop them.
April says no. But Kerry says he doesn’t want him Ayoki with them if he changes. No one argues with that. Ayoki doesn’t want to live anymore and he can still do some good for his country.
They leave him to make a break for the doors and warn everyone.
Ayoki goes back, blocks the doors and charges the creatures.
They make it to the front doors but all of the doors are blocked with bodies.
The soldiers start clearing bodies, but it’s going to take too long. They try to find another way out, but it’s too late. The creatures are there: 4 of them. They start killing the soldiers, the Deputy and then Kerry.
April with fear. Accepting her fate, she stands and suddenly her eyes roll back in her head. She is now controlling them. She makes them kill each other. It hurts her too. To the point where she can barely walk by the time it’s over.
9. Resolution
April hitch hikes. They ask if she is alright. She is bloody from head to toe. She says she is fine. She gets out of the area, wearing shades. She asks to be dropped at the drug store in town.
She orders a large quantity of prescriptions to the shock of the pharmacist. She asks to use the bathroom.
Once she’s in there, she takes off her jacket and looks in the mirror. Her shoulders and arms are white and scaly. She takes off the shades and her eyes are red and bulging.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Elliott Williams.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Elliott Williams.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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What I’ve learned from this module is that, for the most part, all stories follow a structure and it’s important to be individualistic
Logline
A woman has to face her troubles with the help of her Guardian Angel and a man has to deal with red-eye snakes that appear and multiply as a result of his bad behavior.
Main Conflict: Piper’s behavior of believing that no one in the world likes her is healed when Corey’s reputation destruction behavior brings on red-eyed, evil snakes.
Opening: Corey murders someone. Piper and Joel discuss the pain of the past from other people’s mouths and actions.
Inciting Incident: Piper’s mom sends her an airline ticket to come home. As she’s packing, a Guardian Angel prayer cards falls from her closet. Piper prays it sincerely. Corey bad mouths Joel badly; he gets others to view Joel in a bad light.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about. It’s about a woman who is going to go home and face what’s bothering her…but she won’t do it alone. It’s also about a man who is going to learn that evil builds on other evil acts if they are not confessed…hence more snakes appear.
First turning point at Act 1, Corey kills Joel and more snakes appear. Piper gets home and tries to avoid everyone.
Mid-Point: Joel’s car is found in the canal. Piper looses it.
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(Mary J. Andrews) Basic Structure Version 1
Subject: (1 HR PILOT. PARANORMAL SCI FI)“What I’ve learned doing this assignment is how to shift points of view for different options.”
Log line:
In a star-faring distant future, The Universal Government’s three man Special Ops Team, in search of a psychic kidnapper, must rescue a surgically blinded slave girl with extraordinary powers, and subsequently recognize the beginnings of an intergalactic coup to threaten the keepers of the peace in the Dark.
1. Opening: p. 1-4
Space Montage plays with stills of Humanity’s progression into space. It ends with image of a sleek raven black Star chaser Class vessel approaching the enormous round, black Government Star Base 15. Montage ends and fades into INT shot. Special Agent/Wall Master IRA HAZE (V.O.) continues while The black Star Chaser class ship (Nemesis) is being glide-towed across the busy docking bay, full of equally black Government fighters and their dark clad crews and maintenance men. As Nemesis passes, work crews look up and then hasten to leave the bay. By the time it is parked, it sits ominously alone. Ira’s voice over ends.
Universal Government Starbase 15’s COMMANDER, KREE – a 6 foot tall roach-like alien – is uncomfortable and angry that he is deliberately being kept waiting in a tiny interrogation room antechamber for hours after the Nemesis Team has landed.
Eventually, Agent IRA HAZE (24) exits Nemesis and casually strides toward the airlock entrance to the station’s interior across the now empty docking bay. His footsteps echo across the silent bay. As the hatch opens, he pauses, lifting his gaze to the overhead surveillance camera and tilts his head enough to cause his crystalline eyes to reflect the overhead lights.
Kree is notified by Com that Ira is a Wall Master and has refused escort. Even Kree is shaken and when the Agent arrives, he keeps the desk between them.
Ira ignores the Insectoid and heads immediately for the door to the interrogation chamber’s entrance where a middle age man, AMBASSADOR DASH (45), is bound to a gurney groaning in pain. Ira cuts off Kree’s attempt to tell him what he already knows and informs the commander that nobody is to enter the room after him and if anything goes wrong, Nemesis captain should be notified. He pulls the door behind him.
Inciting Incident p 4
Ira looks to the ceiling and the room’s lighting dims. He removes his gloves and sets them on a table and approaches the gurney. The ambassador does not even notice him looming over him. Ira pauses, his body bracing for the assault physical contact will bring. He reaches out and touches the ambassador’s bare hand. Reeling forward, Ira almost collapses upon contact.
The ambassador’s wailing ceases. The room grows deathly silent as both men freeze in place. Then, the lighting flares, and Ira, trembling and gasping, pulls away from the ambassador. He stumbles halfway toward the door before his legs give way and he drops to his knees.
From the adjoining room, Kree’s antennae flail uncontrollably. He hisses and shakes, struggling to activate the Com and calls for the Nemesis Commander.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: p.10-11
Ira has determined that the ambassador’s mind remains mentally entwined with his mind-jacker, TRISTEN (early 20’s) and both of them are being held hostage. Her superiors are torturing her to affect the ambassador. However, Ira cannot find any more potential visual clues to locate them when linked because she sees only darkness.
First turning point at end of Act 1:
Laynald tells them that they have the planet, city and location where the ambassador was found. An important Gov agent is being held hostage instead of killed. They have a specially engraved invitation. The hunt is on.
Mid-Point: p. 30
Having found and captured Ira overwrites Tristen (the captured slave girl/psi-jacker) to believe she is now Rael’s slave and a member of their team. lifts his gaze and tilts his head causing the overhead lighting to reflect
Second turning point at end of Act 2: p. 38
Still in search of the Psi Ring, Rael plans to used Tristen to free the ambassador, but not before he can test out whether or not Tristen’s skills can help him. Rael plans to combine Tristen and Ira’s abilities to provide him direct access to the complete memories of the ambassador’s capture, even knowing it may harm his psychic members.
Laynald does not trust Tristen. She is too powerful to be so compliant and he doubts the wisdom of allowing Ira and Tristen to work so much together. He worries that Ira, being so young, could fall victim to a cunning woman. Nothing is as deadly as a beautiful woman.
Crisis: p. 55-57
Rael’s deep search works, the ambassador is finally free and they have erased his memories, but Tristen’s mind has been scalded and Ira is sent to help her. At the same time, the ambassador attempts to contact Government Prime to check in and is asked to put Rael on the Com.
Rael’s adopted mother, the woman who rescued him from the Hive Planet as a baby, and is now the Head of Gov. Dark Ops, and his team’s personal patron, has suddenly taken ill and is dying. She needs to see him first.
Climax: p.57-58
Tristen and Ira sense Rael’s outburst from her quarters. Ira shields her from it and then seeks out Rael. He meets up with Laynald in the corridor. They enter the bridge to find Rael sitting in a semi-dark room facing a panoramic view of stars beyond the open blast doors. He is dazed. Ira recoils from the onslaught of his agitated state of mind coupled with the compu-links activity. He places his bare hand on the captains shoulder until the temple plates quiet and Rael turns to face him more relaxed. He, Laynald, and Ira discuss ramifications of her death.
Resolution: p.59
Rael turns the command chair back to face front and stares into the vast expanse of silently tumbling stars through the port.
A montage of events flash by. An ominous pattern is surfacing: the Psi Ring’s inquiries about him, Tristen’s appearance, the Oracles and their mysterious planet, Rael’s mother’s impending death, the inevitable power vacuum; ramifications from change of Dark Ops Commander
His stomach knots up as he looks away from the screen. The universe has always seemed so big, but suddenly, It is not big enough. He tells the others, he is under attack.
Laynald steps up and adds that these events easily reek of a coup, maybe even an invasion. The Universal Government keeps the peace in the Dark. Someone is making a move.
Rael drops his head in his hands. Mother Mahata will know more…under his breath he whispers don’t die, don’t die, don’t….
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Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one to elevate.
Inciting Incident p. 4
Ira looks to the ceiling and the room’s lighting dims. He removes his gloves and sets them on a table and approaches the gurney. The ambassador does not even notice when he looms over him. Ira pauses, his body bracing for the assault physical contact will bring. He reaches out and touches the ambassador’s bare hand. Reeling forward, Ira almost collapses upon contact. The ambassador’s wailing ceases. The room grows deathly silent as both men freeze in place.
Rewrite: Insert Ira’s point of view instead of narrators: this will possibly need special effects and/or a voice over with special effects at this point, but will allow Ira’s report in ACT 1 to use less dialogue and will introduce how Ira’s powers work for the first time at the beginning.
Ira’s ethereal essence lifts from his body and pours into the ambassador like rolling smoke, becoming one with him. But something is not right. Beyond the shared agony and the all too familiar pulsing whine of a sonic disruptor, he senses and sees and joins with another person—a woman. She is the dominant force before he joins them, but he cannot force her away between bouts of torture being inflicted. It takes all his strength to tear himself away and to return to his own body.
From the adjoining room, Kree’s antennae flail uncontrollably as on his viewscreen, The lighting flares, and Ira, trembling and gasping, pulls away from the ambassador. He stumbles halfway toward the door before his legs give way and he drops to his knees. Kree hisses and shakes, struggling to engage ship to ship communication and calls for the Nemesis Commander.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Mary Andrews. Reason: to clarify montage/(V.O.) sequencing
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Mary Andrews.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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Okay, let me try this again.
Logline:
A woman returns home with a unique ally to confront an evil that has hurt her and destroyed others.
Opening: A car veers to the side of a dark road and stops. The driver gets out of the car to see what’s wrong with the car and snakes start to circle him. He doesn’t see the snakes. Another man with an axe kills him, dismantles the device in the engine of the car the caused it to loose power, submerges the dead body and the car in a canal
Inciting Incident: Joel is part of a band called “Eleven years” His band was hired to perform for a party in his hometown. He is on the phone outside the party hall talking to Piper about things that other people in the town did to them or said about them that was unkind. Both have left the town to get away from the gossip, etc. (It still affects Piper)
Corey walks into the party and starts bad mouthing people in the room. People near him join into the conversation.
Snakes that no one sees enter the building.
Joel walks into the hall and Corey sees him. Corey immediately says what a freak Joel was and assumes all kind of bad things about Joel. The snakes no one sees circles Joel.
Piper discovers that her mom has sent her a ticket to come home and besides, Joel’s is town 🙂 She reluctantly begins to pack when a Guardian Angel prayer card falls from her closet and she prays it sincerely for help on her journey.
When Piper is in the airport, she meets someone who calls herself Leela because Piper is reading a book about Leela. Leela’s eyes are sparkly.
By page 10, you know the movie has something to do with how gossip is a snake and a woman is going back with Heavenly help to deal with the things that hurt her as a result of gossip.
First turning point at the end of Act 1 is It’s dark and another murder takes place. Another car is pushed into the water. We don’t know who it is though I’m sure everyone can guess who it is.
Piper arrives in town with Leela. Piper and Leela have become comfortable with each other really well. Leela sees that Piper is uncomfortable with what she is about to go through and Leela said that she’s always there for Piper.
Piper goes looking for Joel but can’t find him anywhere.
Mid Point: Joel’s car is pulled out of the canal with his body in it. Leela reacts with a huge emotional outburst. Leela comforts her and gets her out of the scene.
Leela is now in the public eye with plenty people talking about her. Leela steps in to help Piper deal with this. Leela tells Piper that she is about to go through some heavy trouble in a little bit but that Piper should not fear anything. Leela helps Piper get underneath the surface of the situation by getting her to seek the value given to each one of us by God that no one can take away from us.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
Piper has to now face the world without Joel because Joel and she faced the world together.
Corey begins to spread stuff about Piper.
Crisis: Piper begins to face more and more people from her past in the town that hurt her. She wants to run but she walks holding her head high.
Climax: Corey tells Piper that he killed Joel and Piper takes courage and tells Corey that he destroyed this a long time ago…but the destruction is no more. He tries to kill her but Leela steps in the way and reveals her true identity as Piper’s Guardian Angel. After this reveal, Corey sees all of the snakes that are now climbing all over him and smothering him.
Resolution: Piper realizes that she always has heavenly help with any that tries to break her.
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Sandra’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I learned doing this assignment is to find areas in the structure that needed improvement.
Logline: In order to save her failing business, an ambitious New York City real estate developer has three days to convince a small-town mayor and a tradition-bound Tribal Chief that working together will save the town, the tribe, and her business.
Main Conflict: Abigail desperately wants to prove her worth and business skills to her father, and only has three days to save her business from bankruptcy.
Opening: As Abigail works out on her exercise bike at home, she argues with her father on the phone about an account she lost. The angrier she gets, the faster she rides and breaks the bike.
Inciting Incident: The fifth salesman fails to close a vital deal in Idaho, so Abigail fires him.
By page 10, you should know what the movie is about: Abigail will do anything to save her business and close the deal.
First Turning Point at end of Act 1: Abigail packs her bags and heads to Idaho.
Midpoint Turning Point: The small-town mayor, Scott, takes Abigail on a camping and canoeing trip to meet the Chief. The canoe tips-over and Abigail is knocked unconscious.
Second Turning Point at end of Act 2: The Chief has ever-increasing demands, including requiring Abigail move to Idaho.
Crisis: Abigail’s father has a heart attack and she must return to New York City.
Climax: Abigail discovers that the Chief is Scott’s former father-in-law, and they have been secretly testing her. A battle of words erupts, before Abigail returns to New York.
Resolution: One year later, Abigail has rebranded herself as an ecologically minded developer. Abigail and Scott are married, living in Idaho. She’s pregnant and goes into labor.
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Quinn’s Basic Structure Version 1
What I’ve learned doing this assignment is OMG, my concept is crap.
...also, there are so many plot holes in this draft that it looks like proverbial swiss cheese. For example: two of the characters who previously seem to not know one another WORK FOR THE SAME GUY!
Oy...25 year old me was such a hack.1. Tell us your logline.
An ancient tarot deck leads a risk-adverse young man to love, crime, and betrayal.
2. Present your current story, showing each part of the 9-part structure.
Give us each of these, along with the current main conflict:Main Conflict: Perkins is trying to get the incriminating evidence back from Jana, who has enlisted Travis’s help, by any means necessary.
*My gods, this is crap. What was I thinking?*
1. Opening: Travis’s girlfriend has been cheating on him and breaks up with him.
In my defense, I DID write this screenplay after my first wife kicked me out of the house to shack up with her boyfriend.
2. Inciting Incident: Travis gets his fortune read by a mysterious woman at a Renaissance faire. The fortune tells him his life is about to be nuts and he has a mission.
...or something.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: …
Yeah, no. Page 10 has Travis still screwing about at the faire trying to return the magic cards. On Page 13 he FIRST meets Jana. We drag through an introduction to Rick and some more of Travis's self-pity as he pines for his ex, him trying to find out more about the cards and introducing Jessica, him not only asking Jana out to dinner, but GOING on said date during which Jana's ex shows up, causes trouble, and we get to see mild-mannered Travis go full on Jason Bourne, after which he spends the night with Jana...until FINALLY on page 45 we get to Jana coming home with the evidence and enlisting Travis's help.
Page 45. Of a 124 page script. Jesus.4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Hank shows up to find Jana and the file dressed as a cop.
...in a scene which is equal parts Ed Wood and THE LITTLE RASCALS.
5. Mid-Point: Hank shows up with Rick (betrayal!) and they have to flee the city.
Ironically, this scene does happen on page 63, so it is just about at the midpoint. It's just about as tense as watching the B-team poker players on TV.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Rick discovers where Travis and company are staying. He and Hank come to try to retrieve the file.
Because nothing says tension like the same scene in a different location.
7. Crisis: Jessica is captured and held hostage. Travis and Jana have to find a way to rescue her while also not giving Perkins the file back.
Oh, no! Clichés strike again! Also, for some unknown reason, Travis's mother starts making appearances via phone.
8. Climax: Standoff at a warehouse. Rick is shot, but survives. Cops show up.
Leaning heavily into the improbable, the supernatural horror/romance/suspense movie has now become straight-up action, with virtually all characters basically becoming Neo from THE MATRIX. Except that there is only one death, the character that deals the fatal blow is mortified for some bizarre reason she won't let on, and female lead basically spends her time either running or hiding. The way this entire sequence is written I'd swear an incel had written it, it's that bad.
9. Resolution: Perkins is arrested. Travis gives the documents to the lead detective. Rick is let off the hook. Everything is peachy until they go back to the faire and Rick has a similar fortune told to him.
Unfortunately, you can't get your two hours back.
3. Look back over the 9 elements and select at least one
to elevate.…all of them? To be honest, the concept is crap to begin with. But, I’ll keep it to try to get into the spirit of rewriting rather than re-creating.
4. Separating that one (or more) item(s) out, list the
main purpose of that item in the story and brainstorm a list of
other possible ways to deliver that structural item.Opening: When this was written, it was just a place to start — Kelley leaving Travis for her arm candy. It was a reflection of what was going on with me at the time. For an opening, it’s boring, cliché, and does nothing to give the audience a sense of the story, conflict, or characters. The cheating ex thing is not only overdone but it doesn’t do anything to drive the story. It is only mentioned a couple other times in passing by other characters. It is useless drivel.
Better ways to Open:
- Open on Perkins killing an informant.
- Open on someone dying and dropping the cards, and them vanishing.
- Open on Travis at work, showing him to be smart, but risk-adverse. Maybe turning down a blind date.
- Open on Travis checking his horoscope, knocking for luck, etc. Set him up as a believer instead of a skeptic, someone who would blindly follow what the cards would tell him.
- Open on Travis hacking into a system from home.
5. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Make a second list of the Main Conflict and Structural items
with the improvements you’ve made. Again, it will contain the
following:Main Conflict: Perkins is trying to get the incriminating evidence back from Jana, who has enlisted Travis’s help, by any means necessary.
1. Opening: Travis and Rick are at lunch discussing Travis’s obsession with the esoteric and occult. On the news is a story about Perkins being investigated for racketeering.
2. Inciting Incident: Travis gets his fortune read by a mysterious woman at a Renaissance faire. The fortune tells him his life is about to be nuts and he has a mission.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about: …
Yeah, no. Page 10 has Travis still screwing about at the faire trying to return the magic cards. On Page 13 he FIRST meets Jana. We drag through an introduction to Rick and some more of Travis's self-pity as he pines for his ex, him trying to find out more about the cards and introducing Jessica, him not only asking Jana out to dinner, but GOING on said date during which Jana's ex shows up, causes trouble, and we get to see mild-mannered Travis go full on Jason Bourne, after which he spends the night with Jana...until FINALLY on page 45 we get to Jana coming home with the evidence and enlisting Travis's help.
Page 45. Of a 124 page script. Jesus.4. First turning point at end of Act 1: Hank shows up to find Jana and the file dressed as a cop.
5. Mid-Point: Hank shows up with Rick (betrayal!) and they have to flee the city.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2: Rick discovers where Travis and company are staying. He and Hank come to try to retrieve the file.
7. Crisis: Jessica is captured and held hostage. Travis and Jana have to find a way to rescue her while also not giving Perkins the file back.
8. Climax: Standoff at a warehouse. Rick is shot, but survives. Cops show up.
9. Resolution: Perkins is arrested. Travis gives the documents to the lead detective. Rick is let off the hook. Everything is peachy until they go back to the faire and Rick has a similar fortune told to him.
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