Day 21 Assignments

[Judith Watson]

Judith’s reveals…

What I learned doing this assignment is I’m having fun. And I appreciate all the good feedback I’ve gotten.

Logline: Estranged sisters start their path to reuniting their relationship.

INT. BLUE CHEVY – NIGHT

RACHEL, 36, drives in silence. Her face is puffy and smeared with mascara. She drives slowly.

Turning into a mini-mall she pulls the car in front of an art store whose windows read, “closed forever.”

EXT. MINI-MALL – NIGHT

Exiting the car, Rachel walks slowly to the front of the store and stops. With an empty stare it seems as if she is looking through the building. Her arms hang at her sides, slack.

After a while, she turns and gets back into her Chevy. Drives off.

EXT. BLUE CHEVY – NIGHT

She speeds along route 33 north passing a sign reading San Francisco, 472 miles.

EXT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

Racing toward the house, sweat pouring down her face, Emily, 32, stops at the front door. She looks in the mail box. Pulls out a single letter without looking at it.

INT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

As Emily enters the house, her husband, EUGENE, 32, greets her with a kiss.

EUGENE

What was in the mail?

Emily looks at the letter and sadness caresses her face.

Eugene immediately knows what’s wrong and moves closer to Emily. She holds up a letter reading, “return to sender.”

EMILY

I don’t know.

She walks past Eugene, stops and turns. The expression on her face is gone. Eugene watches her with a look of love.

EMILY

What am I doing? How many does this make? How many years?

She moves to a wastebasket and throws the letter in it. Eugene almost jumps for joy.

EMILY

I’m through wanting the impossible. I have you, we are going to have Katie, my life’s great. What do I need this shit for?

Eugene says nothing as he watches Emily move to the closet and pull out a box full of “return to sender,” letters.

EUGENE

Can I help you with that?

She nods yes. They move out the front door with the box.

EXT. HOUSE IN WOODS – DAY

Emily spills the letters into a trash can. She disappears for a moment into a barn-like structure, returns with fuel and matches. She sprinkles the letters with the flammable liquid and lights it on fire.

It bursts into flame like a dried-out forest fire. The smoke rises. Eugene moves over to Emily and places his arm around her.

EUGENE

I’m really proud of you.

They move into the house arm in arm.

INT. ART GALLERY – NIGHT

A formal affair full of portraits of families. PATRONS buy and as Emily watches her work being sold, her happiness is hard to contain.

A RAUCOUS at the front door. She turns toward the noise and watches a GUARD hold up his hand to keep an uninvited guest from entering.

GUARD

Sorry, Lady, no invitation, no enter.

As he steps aside, we see Rachel is the trouble maker. She peeks around him. Spots Emily. A big smile. Emily sees her, confused, astonished, she moves to the door.

EMILY

Let her in.

Rachel moves up the gallery steps. Puts out her arms for a hug. Emily stares for a moment. Backs up a bit.

RACHEL

Not gonna give your sister a hug?

EMILY

What are you doing here?

RACHEL

I read about show in art magazine. I told mom about it. We had a long talk. I saw how miserable she is that we are not together and I decided it was time.

EMILY

Time? You’ve been sending me “return to sender” letters for ten years.

Calmly, almost begging.

RACHEL

Yes, and I’m sorry for that. Finally, mom and I talked. We never discussed our break. I guess she was afraid to bring it up. But she wants us to be a family. And I realized what a fool I’ve been. I really want the same thing, we, together, a family.

Eugene moves up to Emily. Places his arm around her. Waits.

Silence…

Emily stares at Rachel. The patrons stare at the situation. A sigh. Emily rushes to Rachel and gives her a big hug.

EMILY

Of course I’ll try. I’ve always wanted this.

Eugene stares, not believing what he’s seeing and shakes his head. Emily turns toward him.

EMILY

Rachel, I’d like you to meet my fantastic husband, Eugene.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s reveals.

What I’ve learned doing this assignment is there are many ways now to improve a scene’s interest by using the reveal technique. By using the technique and answering the questions opens up possibilities I would have not thought of before. I noticed in concentrating writing the reveal design technique , I lost the use of character traits. No problem, I’ve learned by using the multiple passes, the scene will be improved with traits and other interest techniques. This will make a huge improvement to scene design and my writing quality.

Scene Logline – The hijacking of Kris’s sleigh by a mysterious visitor puts North Pole elves’ loyalties to the test.

INT. SANTA’S OFFICE – NORTH POLE – DAY

The room is in a panic. Vegard bounces between a laptop and sleigh control reference binders. Other executive elves run in and out of the room yelling into their smart phones. Alfreda impatiently circles, wanting answers – fast.

Kris calmly sits behind his elaborate desk smoking a pipe. The smoke forms circles rings around his head. Outside his window a shard of ice cracks off of the mountain, sliding into a chasm. He swivels and faces the chaos.

KRIS

How we doing elves?

The room settles down.

VEGARD

I don’t get it. The sleigh is not responding to any of my commands.

The override program is nonexistent. I’m going to try a hard reboot. That may

get us back online.

Alfreda looks over his shoulder.

ALFREDA

Do you at least have a lock on their location?

VEGARD

Negative. Most unfortunately the GPS tracking device was not installed before the boy

hijacked it. They could be anywhere.

KRIS

At least Samwise is on board. He’s clever enough to perhaps

bail us out of this mess.

ALFREDA

Samwise should be here! Not off joy riding. He could also tell just how the boy was able to get to the North Pole unescorterd. His access to the test site, unforgivable. You’re to blame for this Vegard!

VEGARD

He had to have help. No one just flies to the North Pole on a reindeer and waltzes into the stables.

ALFREDA

Unless they were invited to be here…The intern! The intern wasn’t an elf, it was the boy. It seems we’ve been duped.

VEGARD

But interns are only hand selected by…

KRIS

…Guilty as charged, Vegard. They boy is my special guest. His name is, Henry, and unknown to him, I believe he has the magical ability to save our melting home. Now, the taking of my sleigh was an unexpected complication. One that will require Vegard’s diligence to resolve – quickly.

ALFREDA

Vegard? This is clearly my job. Christmas is on the line. I alone can save it.

KRIS

Your methods give me pause, Alfreda.

ALFREDA

In other words you don’t trust me. Me, Alfreda, who brought you back from near obscurity. How dare you?

KRIS

It gives me no merriment, Alfreda. However, the preservation of our North Pole traditions and lore are more valuable than any hurt feelings.

VEGARD

I have no issue with Alfreda helping out.

KRIS

Alfreda needs to concentrate on the melting problem. She’s ignored it long enough.

ALFREDA

You think this boy is going to solve a problem that we’ve lived with for years? I’ve spent countless hours on every possible solution. It can’t be done!

KRIS

I believe otherwise. Henry is our last chance. I suggest Vegard get him, and my sleigh, back by Christmas Eve. Christmas shall not wait for us.

Alfreda storms off slamming the door on the way out.

VEGARD

She won’t handle it well when she finds out I am taking over her position next year.

KRIS

Sometimes elves must be given the freedom to fail in order to illuminate their true selves.

VEGARD

She’s no ordinary elf. I hope you’re right. Now about this magic the boy has…

End Scene

[Paul McGregor]

Paul’s Reveals.

5. What I learned from this assignment was that it has totally upturned my script and, by identifying a whole new role for one of the protagonists, made it far more intriguing.

1. Selected scene: The final scene in which it is now revealed that the Vice-President was part of the conspiracy all along and is in the pay of the Chinese.

2.

a. I want to hide the fact that the V-P is part of the conspiracy.

b. The V-P is hiding from the Intern, Rashida, her connections with the NGO “No Walls” where Rashida was volunteering. The V-P chose her specifically because of her links with this NGO that is a Chinese front operation.

c. It is already known that No Walls has Chinese connections, but this could be hidden and revealed towards the end.

d. The most dramatic thing would be to reveal the V-P’s Chinese connection that has been undermining the President all along.

e. Under the surface, I could introduce more situations in which the V-Ps loyalty is questionable, or in which the Chinese presence is suspected but not revealed.

3.

Demand: How are these unknown entities getting information from inside the White House?

Cover-Up: The V-P is on the President’s side, trying to ensure success in the mid-terms.

Reveal: She contacts the Chinese, thereby revealing she has been working with them all along.

4. The Scene:

Logline: The V-P takes her place in the Oval Office, on the other side of the desk this time.

INT. OVAL OFFICE. DAY.

The former V-P, now MADAM PRESIDENT, is taking questions from a small group of journalists.

JOURNALIST 1

Madam President, are you confident there will be no more leaks?

MADAM PRESIDENT

We have our very best experts working on it as we speak.

JOURNALIST 2

But it brought down President Bowden. These people obviously mean business.

MADAM PRESIDENT.

And do I! Indeed, I must get down to business, so, if you’ll be so kind, this press conference is over.

The journalists try to fire more questions but are shuffled out by Madam President’s assistants and security. The last security guard, Li, is about to escort the last visitor out of the Oval Office. He notices one of Aynur’s dolls on a seat.

OFFICER LI

(Picking up the doll)

Would you like me to dispose of this, Madam President?

MADAM PRESIDENT

Oh no, Mr Li. You can leave it there… It helps communications.

Officer Li and Madam President share the joke.

(NOTE TO THE READER: The doll contains the audio and video technology used to spy on the former President.)

END

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was the basic structure and types of reveals to create a deeper experience and elevate the scene.

LOGLINE: Ben is forced to live and work with his mother, Rose, when he loses his job and his wife kicks him out.

DEMAND: What is Rose really up to? What is she doing every night? Does she really have a busy social life or is something else going on? Why doesn’t she do something with Ben at night besides dinner?

COVER-UP: Ben is suspicious of Rose when she disappears every night.

REVEAL: Rose is dating Hank and they are in love.

SCENE:

INT. PET SUPPLY STORE – NIGHT

Ben returns from making deliveries. He takes a shower and falls asleep on his bed. Rose covers him with a blanket, turns out the light and shuts his door. She grabs her purse and jacket and leaves.

INT. DINING ROOM – NEXT NIGHT

Ben and Rose are having dinner. Rose looks at her watch.

ROSE

Oh dear, it’s later than I thought.

I have bible study tonight.

Would you mind cleaning up?

BEN

Sure, no problem.

Pray that I get my job back.

Rose gets up and kisses him on the cheek.

ROSE

Thank you. See you later.

Ben clears the table, puts the leftovers in the fridge, scrapes and washes the dishes, dries the dishes and puts them away. Ben flops on the couch in front of the tv and channel surfs. Shot of Rose in a room sitting in a circle with three men and two other women.

INT. DINING ROOM – NEXT NIGHT

Rose and Ben finish eating. They carry the dishes to the kitchen. Rose washes and Ben dries.

ROSE

See you later. I’m taking a walk.

BEN

Want me to come with you?

ROSE

No, no, I’m meeting a friend.

Ben, bored, sits in front of the tv, channel surfing, checking his cell phone for messages.

INT. DINING ROOM – NEXT NIGHT

Rose and Ben finish dinner and clean up.

ROSE

See you later, dear.

I have bingo tonight.

Ben sits in front of the tv and channel surfs. Turns off the tv and takes a walk through town, walks past the bingo hall and sees his mother and others inside, turns and walks down the street. He stops in a crowded bar, has a beer and watches a game. Goes home and sits in front of the tv. Rose returns home.

ROSE

I won $50.

BEN

That’s great, Mom.

ROSE

Good night, dear.

BEN

Good night, Mom.

INT. PET SUPPLY STORE – NEXT NIGHT

Rose locks the front door and puts out the “closed” sign. Ben working on the computer.

BEN

Thought maybe we could go out

for dinner tonight.

ROSE

Sorry, I have plans with friends.

Maybe some other time.

Ben eating leftovers in front of the tv and sees Rose in a black dress, heels and shawl dash by.

ROSE

See you later.

BEN

(glued to the tv)

Okay.

Ben decides to follow his mother, and sees her go into a very nice restaurant. She’s seated in a corner booth next to Hank. They are smiling, laughing, and holding hands.

[Amechi Ngwe]

LOGLINE: Monica fights Troy to protect their son from the bounty hunter.
ESSENCE: Troy is looking out for himself.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Troy opens the door and sees Monica waiting for him. Startled, he recovers quickly and smiles.
TROY
Hey.
MONICA
I thought you said you were done with your women.
TROY
I’m sorry…
MONICA
You had me thinking you’ve changed.
TROY
You know me. All about myself.
MONICA
Yeah. You still have to excuse yourself to the bathroom and whisper to them. Unless you want to tell me something different?
TROY
No.
Monica stares at him, not believing him.
TROY
I’m a dog, Monica. You know that about me. Loyal to no one but myself.
MONICA
So who is it? Do I know her?
Troy doesn’t answer. He turns the phone in his hand.
Monica lunges and snatches it from him.
TROY
Hey!
INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Monica stares at the phone, scrolling through to find who he was calling.
Troy follows her, anxious.
TROY
Hey! Give that back!
MONICA
I have a right to know who…
And she sees it. She dials the number.
HERA (ON THE PHONE)
I’m pulling up now…
Monica’s breath catches in her throat. She can’t speak. Crushed, she looks at TROY as—
WHAM! His fist smashes her to the floor. He recovers his phone. Puts it in his pocket.
TROY
I told you to—
Monica leaps on him. Rocks him with a punch.
MONICA
How could you?!
She throws a flurry of punches and kicks at him. A blow cuts his cheek open. A few more of Monica’s punches land, but Troy blocks the rest and smashes a headbutt into her nose. She staggers backwards.
MONICA
You said you would help us! Help our son!
TROY
This IS helping him! He needs to face up to what he’s done.
Troy attacks Monica. She tries to fend him off but he’s too strong in the rage he’s in. He throws her into the bookcase.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Lance sits on the motorbike. Pretending to rev the engine. He looks back at the living room. No one is there.
VOICES from across the street draw his attention. A TRIO OF TEENS about his age, passing by. He watches them go by, missing in the window behind him – HIS MOTHER AND FATHER FIGHTING THEIR WAY ACROSS THE LIVING ROOM.
INT. HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS
A book hits Troy in the head. Monica throws a few more hard covers, driving him back into—
BATHROOM
She pulls on the door, trying to lock him in.
He holds the door open, drags her in and tosses her into the bath.
He hits her on the head. She goes down, groggy. Pushes herself to her knees.
Troy grabs her wrist. Slaps a handcuff on it. She’s chained to the sink before she realizes it.
TROY
You should have just stayed quiet.
Monica looks up at the handcuff.
SLAM.
The door is closed. Troy is gone.
MONICA YELLS.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Troy jogs outside, hurries over to Lance, getting off of the bike. Sees Troy, with a hand over his face, covering his injuries.
LANCE
Sorry.
TROY
No, no. It’s cool. C’mere.
Troy hugs Lance close. Lance smiles at the show of affection from his father. He sinks into the hug.
INT. BATHROOM
Monica pulls on the handcuff. It’s going nowhere. Looks at the pipe it’s chained to. She pulls on it. Testing its strength.
EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Troy turns Lance towards the street. It’s dark. A pair of HEADLIGHTS slowly make their way from the end of the street towards them.
TROY
This world can be harsh, son. But you have to remember… everything happens for a reason.
Lance watches the headlights coming.
INT. BATHROOM
Monica still pulling on the handcuffs… the pipe giving a little. Water trickling from a joint.
MONICA
LANCE!
There’s no response and she’s not expecting one. It’s more about what she’s fighting for in this moment… She pulls again on the handcuff.
Monica, teeth gritted, the handcuff eating into her skin, blood trickling…
EXT. HOUSE
Troy with Lance. The headlights close now. Lance’s eyes on them.
TROY
The world owes you nothing. And will demand you pay for things even when it’s not your fault…
Lance is getting anxious.
INT. BATHROOM
The pipe leaking water now—
EXT. HOUSE
TROY
So don’t feel bad about the good and bad that come at you. Life is random, and there’s always a way out of the mess you get yourself in.
The headlights roll by. It’s an old junk sedan, barely able to move.
Lance looks up at his father’s face. Sees blood trickling from his cheek.
LANCE
What happened to your face?
EXT. BATHROOM
THE PIPE pops off. Water gushes out.
Monica jumps to her feet, shoulders her way through the door.
EXT. HOUSE
LANCE
Dad, what happened to your face?
TROY
Paying for my sins early.
Troy’s eyes are on the street. Lance looks and sees…
Coming from the other direction – A SLEEK VAN. A VIPER on the insignia on the side of it above the words: VIPER BOUNTY HUNTER SERVICES.
Lance tenses up. Tries to run but
Troy’s hand grips Lance’s neck, holding him in place.
Lance looks at Troy. Horrified.
TROY
Don’t… Just stay.
LANCE
Dad…?
TROY
It’s going to be okay. You’re helping the family.
The van’s doors slide open.