Day 21 Assignments

[Edward Gillow]

Title: Ed. Gillow Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that I need more practice to really understand how to effectively use this technique.

LOGLINE: Agent Price hatches a plan to triple cross Boone, Moses, and Jose.

What do I want to hide from the reader for dramatic effect? That Agent Price and Jose Villa are in league with each other and plan to split the reward money between them.

What are the characters hiding from each other? Price is hiding his alliance with Jose from Boone and Moses. Boone is hiding from Moses that Price doesn’t intend to pay off his ranch, and has sanctioned Boone to kill Moses. Price is hiding from Jose that he has sanctioned Boone and Moses to kill Jose.

What is already known that would be more dramatic if hidden, then revealed? At this point not sure I can get any more twist out of the story.

What would be the best/worst/most dramatic thing that could be revealed at this point? Drawing a blank here.

Knowing this story, what could be under the surface that would create more drama for my characters? I think I’ve milked it for what I can.

Are there any deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing? Most of the dialogue is pretty much on the nose. Might be cool to use more subtext with the dialogue.

My cov

LOGLINE: Price lays out the current situation to Moses and Boone, as well as the Demand.

EXT. MOSES’ RANCH – LATER

AGENT PRICE

Two nights ago, Jose Villa kidnapped Giovanni Nieto and slaughtered five guards. The same night, he and his gang attacked the Round Rock pony express station.

MOSES

I have dealt with Villa before. A very bad hombre. Who is Giovanni Nieto?

AGENT PRICE

Nieto’s father is an important player in President McKinley’s Land Recovery plan. The President himself wants Nieto alive.

MOSES

Ah, the prize.

AGENT PRICE

We suspect Villa will cross the border at Laredo. Bring Villa back to stand trial. Others with him are of no consequence. You must apprehend him before he gets to Mexico. You have no jurisdiction there. Do you understand?

MOSES

Understood.

AGENT PRICE

Last thing. This is a secret mission. Tell no one. Other authorities are unaware of it. You two are on your own. I suggest you both get started within the hour.

Moses and Boone nod.

LOGLINE: Price puts in play a demand on Boone. He is covering up the fact to Boone and Moses that he is in league with Jose.

Agent Price and Boone walk together from the barn towards Moses.

AGENT PRICE

Once you secure Nieto and kill Villa, we don’t need Moses. Do what you want with him.

Boone chuckles, pulls out a cigar, bites off the end. Lights up, blows a puff of smoke.

BOONE

By my reckon, you won’t need to pay off his ranch.

Both men smile at each other as they reach Moses.

LOGLINE: The reveal to the audience that Agent Price and Jose are in league with each other and the onset of a new current situation in that Jose kills Price and his soldiers.

EXT. OLD MILL ROAD – LATER

Jose and his gang close in fast on a group of riders waiting near the Proctor warehouse. Reveal it is Agent Price and his six soldiers.

JOSE

Why you change our plan, Price? We could be in Mexico by now.

AGENT PRICE

You were supposed to head to Mexico quietly. Your killing spree will send every lawman after you. I had to stop you from doing any more damage.

JOSE

You sent this Eagle Heart after me. It’s a better plan now. He needs to be dealt with before he gives us any trouble.

AGENT PRICE

Boone will take care of Moses Eagle Heart. He hates him for killing his brother.

JOSE

Then he should have done it already. New change of plan, my men and I will take care of him.

AGENT PRICE

You are a fool, Jose. Because of your stupidity, Giovanni knows who I am. Our agreement is over.

JOSE

Whoa, wait a second. Tell you what, give us the gold. We give you Giovanni, then we return to Mexico.

AGENT PRICE

Are you stupid? I don’t have the gold, it’s at Moses’ ranch.

JOSE

Careful how you speak to me, hombre.

AGENT PRICE

I must cut my losses. Hand over Giovanni and return to Mexico or else.

JOSE

Or else what? You don’t tell me what to do. I am Jose Villa. I am the one who decides what to do.

(raises voice)

Get out of my way, I will deal with this Indio.

Jose’s aggressiveness catches Agent Price off guard. Price hesitates. They’re outnumbered two to one.

Jose winks at Agent Price.

Price goes for his weapon and his soldiers follow his lead.

Jose is much faster on the draw: BAM! BAM! BAM!

Fatally wounded, Agent Price and two soldiers fall off their horses.

A hail of bullets from Jose’s gang massacres the other four.

LOGLINE: Boone reveals to Moses that Price never intended to pay off Moses’ ranch per their initial deal.

INT. RANCH HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Boone struggles through the trapdoor.

Moses runs over to him.

MOSES

Boone, you all right?

BOONE

I’ll live…

Boone surveys the room.

BOONE

Where are Price and the soldiers?

MOSES

They left before Jose arrived.

BOONE

Chicken sons of… They lied about paying off your ranch.

Moses ties a bandana around Boone’s leg.

MOSES

When did you know that?

BOONE

From the beginning.

MOSES

You knew it all along?

Moses ties the bandana REALLY tight.

Boone winces.

BOONE

Regrettably.

MOSES

This is not your fight. They are after me.

BOONE

I beg to differ. They have Betty. It’s personal now.

Boone limps over to a window to fight.

[Denice Lewis]

Denice Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment was that most of my scenes are set-ups for the main reveals and surprises at the climax of the script. This was difficult for me to pin down to one scene, even though the process seems more simple than I made it.

Scene logline: Everett wants to talk to his daughter now that she sees him.

Structure of scene:

1. Demand: Everett wants to convince her to leave.

2. Cover-up: He doesn’t want her to know his plans for Finn.

3. Reveal: She gets him to tell the truth.

Scene:

INT. DOWNSTAIRS BEDROOM – NIGHT

Ann locks the door. Sits on the edge of the bed. Holds her head.

Everett jams his head through the ceiling.

EVERETT

Can we talk now?

She jumps a foot.

He yanks out of the ceiling. Plops on the floor. Drags up.

EVERETT

Didn’t mean for any of this to happen, Annie Girl.

She leaps up. Brandishes a lamp like a sword.

ANN

Stay away from me.

EVERETT

You’d hit your own dad?

ANN

My dad is dead.

EVERETT

Ah, don’t say that. I’m right here. You gotta understand. I fell down the stairs and woke up in a coffin. Don’t feel like a ghost. Or look like one. But, I’m not alive. Been hard figuring things out.

ANN

I don’t know what to believe. There’s a fairy upstairs, a ghost in my bedroom. What’s next? A vampire in the kitchen?

Everett laughs.

EVERETT

Vampires don’t exist.

ANN

Says the ghost.

EVERETT

I’m different.

Ann

Why are you still here?

EVERETT

Um . . . to tell you to go home.

ANN

Why are you always sending me away? You wouldn’t let me come home after Mom. I needed to grieve with my family.

EVERETT

My life was over.

Tears drip down Ann’s face.

ANN

I lost more.

He slumps on the bed.

ANN

I forgive you, Dad.

He leans toward her.

EVERETT

Don’t deserve that.

ANN

What’s your plan for the man upstairs?

EVERETT

Men don’t have wings.

ANN

He’s a living being.

Everett glares at her.

EVERETT

I forbid you to be anywhere near him. Go home.

Ann crosses her arms.

ANN

My car doesn’t work, remember. I’m not walking ten miles to town.

Everett clenches and unclenches his hands.

She gets in his face. Shivers.

ANN

Why is Finn trapped upstairs?

Everett’s face turns red.

EVERETT

Because I’m going to kill him.

She gasps.

ANN

You’d be a murderer.

He grins.

EVERETT

Can’t convict a dead man for killing something that doesn’t exist.

ANN

My dad would never hurt anything.

[Robert Kerr]

Title: Bob Kerr – The structure of the Reveal

What I learned from this assignment is that I have not used the “Reveal” in my script and there are clearly places where it would enrich the quality of my script. I am going to need lots of practice with this technique to effectively use it in this script and future scripts.

LOGLINE: Coach Vespoli struggles with isolation amid a Kansas winter, The remedy is to seek part-time job at private school to relieve the isolation.

1) What do I want to hide from the reader:

a) In Wichita, Vespoli doesn’t have the community of fellow world class athlete to train and socialize with and this becomes deeply isolating.

2) What are the characters hiding from each other?

a) Vespoli is keeping his sense of isolation from the people who hired him and the student athletes he is coaching. He wants to preserve the image that he is in control of the

situation and he can so9lve all problems.

3) What is already known that would be more dramatic if hidden then if it is revealed?

a) Vespoli is a world champion in a team sport. He has trained with fellow crew mates his whole life and lived in the eastern seaboard hotbed of the sport. Now he is truly a

big fish in a small puddle and Kansas winters are vastly different than the winters

on the eastern seaboard of the USA.

4. What would be the best/worst/most dramatic thing that could be revealed at this

point?

a) Vespoli is a true technician and the winter training doesn’t require much rowing mastery. It is all about building strength and stamina among the crew and that

doesn’t fill the day.

b) Vespoli craves human interaction. This teaching affords him the opportunity

to interact with students and teachers that doesn’t exist with the college

athletes he is coaching

c) Vespoli is armed with a graduate degree in education and is looking to apply

it the winter months and thus seeks employment outside of rowing.

5. Knowing the story. what could be under the surface that would create more drama for my character?

a) Vespoli still plans to compete on a world class level and eventually moving into an elite

program as a coach.

6. Are there deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing?

a) For Vespoli it is proving his met5hods of coaching produces dramatic results while

introducing the sport of rowing in virgin regional territory.

7. The structure of the reveal:

a) Demand: The expectations, when Vespoli was hired, was to produce a nationally recognized rowing power in three years.

b) The Cover-up: The process of meeting the expectations of his employment will exact

personal toll on Vespoli that he had not counted on.

c) Reveal: Vespoli takes a part-time teaching job at a Wichita prep school to gain human interaction and allows him to feel more comfortable and looking forward to the rowing task at hand.

8. Write the scene:

INT: ROB WILKINS HOME- EVENING

The home, an elegant Tudor home of a successful financial investor, is decorated for Christmas and is filled with the aroma of pine and the evening meal. Mike Vespoli has arrived to give Rob an update on the first semester evaluation of the Wichita State Rowing crew. Mike is dressed in his Olympic blazer and tie and has come over to share the evening meal with Rob and his wife. Wilkins meets Vespoli and shakes his hand. Wilkins motions for Vespoli to sit in one of the chairs in the living room and Wilkins joins him

WILKINS:

Mike always a treat to see you and just love seeing you in that Olympic Blazer.

VESPOLI:

Thought it might be appropriate for this evening. Sort of a dress rehearsal for when it is time to woo the boosters.

WILKINS:

Good thinking. But, the holiday season has everything on hold and it won’t be until mid-January before we can corral the boosters. The goal is to fund a new eight and a new four for the spring racing season.

VESPOLI:

They will be welcome additions. Since the demand you gave me was to produce a nationally recognized rowing program in three years, the new shells will be a much needed addition to

our current shells. They are all old and well past their prime.

WILKINS:

We’ve always relied on your expertise as a technician to get the most out of the equipment and the crew. Speaking of the crew, how do you evaluate the crew after one semester on the water?

VESPOLI:

A few concerns with the women. The men are shaping up just fine. But, the women are hit and miss to keep a full eight.

WILKINS:

That’s a huge concern! Without the women, we don’t have the support of the university. Without that, we don’t have a program. What are you going to do to shape them up?

VESPOLI:

Well, we now have a new manager, Lee Parker. He will monitor the winter training and handle the logistics of travel and media for the spring regattas. That will give me some time to continue to recruit. It will also ease the feelings of being isolated.

WILKINS:

Isolated? Didn’t think that would be a problem? What is going on?

VESPOLI:

Since the river is frozen, I don’t have a lot of requirements for coaching and there just isn’t much to do all day. Also, given I won’t be going back east for the holidays, I just feel like I can’t do much right now.

WILKINS:

This is the first you’ve mentioned this. Would think you would be enjoying a little break from the stress of training and coaching.

VESPOLI:

Can’t take a break from training. The Pan Am trials are in June and I’ve got to stay fit. I intend to be in the USA crew.

WILKINS:

That sounds like a really lonely winter for you. And Kansas winters can be really hard on folks that aren’t use to it.

VESPOLI:

That’s why I’ve interviewed for a part-time teaching job at Wichita Collegiate Prep school. Going to put my Masters degree to work and fill a big chunk of my day with students and adults. Beats hanging out at my apartment and going a little stir crazy.

WILKINS:

You what? How will that work? Don’t forget you’re hired to build a nationally recognized program within three years. How will this fit into that?

VESPOLI:

Simple, Parker will track the winter workouts. I will be present to direct them. The teaching gig is only for nine weeks and then it will be back on the water.d I will be totally focused and ready to lead the crew.

WILKINS:

Well, if you say so, I’ll trust you. Just don’t forget why you were hired in the first place.

VESPOLI:

Can’t forget. This is exactly what I wanted. Just didn’t count on the isolation. First time without my teammates and that is a weird feeling.

Wilkins wife, CAROLINE, a slender attractive blonde comes into the room.

CAROLINE:

Okay gentlemen. Enough business talk. Dinner is served.

[Alfred Travis]

Alfred Travis Reveals

Logline: Jack Berres, owner of the Art Space Bo rents, pays a late night visit to Bo. He reveals to Bo his awareness of Bo’s entire life.

What do I want to hide from the reader for dramatic effect? Bo’s fears and avoidance of conflict and that he’s an adult runaway from his family.

What are the characters hiding from each other? Bo is hiding his fears and that he’s living at the Art Space. Jack is hiding his awareness of Bo’s situation/circumstances.

What is already known that would be more dramatic if hidden, then revealed? Bo’s significant music project.

What would be the best/worst/most dramatic thing that could be revealed at this point? Jack’s awareness of Bo’s entire life and Bo’s suppression because of fear.

Knowing this story what could be under the surface that would create more drama for my character’s? The unreported history of Bo experiencing domestic violence/abuse and a political terror.

Are there any deeper meanings to the things my characters are saying and doing? Shame, domestic violence, domestic abuse.

Demand: Jack demands Bo to open up to him.

Cover-up: Bo unwilling to name his truth.

Reveal: Jack assures Bo he is safe.

INT. BLUE COMPOSER ROOM – LATE NIGHT

Bo sits at his piano. Pencil in hand.

Jack is at the window. He turns around, comes to Bo.

JACK

Something I want you to know.

BO

What is it?

JACK

I know your music project.

Bo touches, plays a sequence of notes on the piano.

BO

The music of the spheres.

JACK

And what that means.

Beat of silence.

JACK

I saw you on the streets of South Minneapolis. You were a child. Homeless.

BO

I was?

JACK

I know how you feel about your family.

Silence.

JACK

I don’t believe your family is your family.

BO

They bother me. I….

JACK

You ran away.

Bo is silent.

JACK

You’re safe here, Bo. Just be upfront with me. You can talk to me.

BO

Its hard. I feel something is wrong, but I don’t know what it is.

JACK

What do you feel is wrong?

BO

Family. They’re so hostile.

JACK

It’s domestic violence and abuse. You survived kidnap and murder.

BO

That’s it?

JACK

You want to express it through music. That’s why the music spoke to you.

Bo plays some NOTES on the piano.