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Day 22 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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14 Replies
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Rebecca’s Interest Scene
What I learned from doing this, wow, what a difference one scene can make and almost be a blueprint for a whole new screenplay. Simply putting in as many of the interest and character techniques as possible turned a given situation into something new and interesting.
LOGLINE: Bruno relays a message from mafia brothers, backers of Dennis Cooney and Albert’s boxing opponent in a grudge match. If Albert throws the fight, Cooney promises not to kill him in the ring but if he wins, he will be dead on the street.
INTEREST TECHNIQUE IDEAS:
1. STRUCTUAL
a. Suspense: Sergio beaten and returned with an offer from the mafia brothers.
b. Major twist: Albert dislikes the brothers deal that he throw the fight with Cooney. Albert comes up with a better idea and convinces Bruno to deliver it to the brothers.
c. Surprise: Albert has information to turn things upside down for Cooney.
d. Interesting setting: a training gym for boxers.
e. Mislead/Reveal: It’s not just a fight but a grudge match for justice.
f. Character changes radically: Albert appears to be in a corner, but convinces Bruno, the mafia messenger, to help him.
g. Betrayal: A trusted gym member proves to be a spy against Albert.
h. Superior Position: Albert has information on Cooney that the mafia brothers don’t know, but should.
i. Uncertainty: Can Albert win his grudge match and stay alive?
J. Intrigue: Albert’s previous relationship with Bruno and his knowledge about Cooney hurting Bruno’s dead wife.
K. Surprise: Cooney caused the death of Bruno’s wife.
L. Mystery: How did Albert save Bruno’s life? What happened to the mole?
M. Cliffhanger: Cooney’s collusion with the yeast baron, rival of the mafia brothers.
2. CHARACTER
a. Radical Change: Bruno, the mafia messenger, joins Albert in seeking revenge against Cooney.
b. Betrayal: A boxer at Albert’s gym, spies on him for Cooney.
c. Dilemma: If Albert throws the fight he might live through it but not afterward. If he wins against Cooney, he and Sergio will certainly be killed.
d. Uncomfortable Moment: Albert makes Bruno uncomfortable when he brings up Bruno’s wife.
e. Misinterpretation: Bruno mistakenly thought Bucholtz attacked his wife and did not know it was Cooney. This fuels his desire to betray Cooney and help Albert.
DIALOG:
a. Hook: What is in the report that could change the mafia brothers position against Cooney?
b. Prediction: Albert predicts he will win the fight against Cooney.
c. Creating a future: Albert’s counter offer to the brothers.
d. Anticipatory Dialog – Cooney’s threat to kill Albert and Sergio.
SCENE:
INT. O’SHEA’S GYM – MORNING
BRUNO returns a battered Sergio to the gym. MAX, the trainer tapes ALBERT’s hands.
ALBERT
Sergio, what happened to you?
SERGIO
Cooney what happened. He found out that I spy for you. He worked me over in the ring using fists and feet. Bruno saved me.
Albert looks to Bruno.
ALBERT
That true?
BRUNO
You got a guy in your gym, Micky Dealngelo?
MAX
He’s new. Hopes to be a middle weight champion.
BRUNO
He’s your mole. Cooney hire him, Albert, to learn all about you and family.
MAX
That dirty rat, wait until I get my hands on him.
BRUNO
No more worry about him, he not be back. I return your sparring partner along with a message from the Monastero brothers.
Max the trainer begins to dress Sergio’s wounds.
ALBERT
What message?
BRUNO
I need talk to you in private.
ALBERT
Follow me to my office.
Albert leads Bruno to an empty corner protected by lockers.
ALBERT
Spill.
BRUNO
Cooney insists you throw the fight.
Anger fills Alberts face.
ALBERT
No, no. I refuse to do that.
BRUNO
Both Salvatore and Stephano back Conney on this. You throw fight, Cooney promised the brothers, he not kill you in the ring. Even if you throw fight, he want you and Sergio…
Bruno makes a slicing motion across his throat. Albert’s eyes go wide, not liking the odds.
BRUNO (CONT.)
I no trust Cooney. So, I broker deal with the brothers. If you throw fight, the brothers offer you and Sergio safe passage out of Pittsburgh, but you must never enter the ring again.
Albert remains silent as he mulls over the deal.
ALBERT
I don’t know how to answer this, either way we’re dead. If I throw the fight Cooney promises he won’t kill me in the ring. His promise isn’t worth much. If I show weakness I’m dead. How can the mafia brothers protect me from Cooney?
Both men remain silent for a long while. Bruno appears jittery. Albert lost in thought.
BRUNO
So Albert, ribttere? What you say?
Albert throws his hands up for a time out.
ALBERT
I need to think this through. If I throw the fight, Sergio and I get to leave town unharmed but no guarantee. If I don’t we are definitely dead.
Albert, angry now, repeats Bruno’s gesture with the slit across the throat.
ALBERT (CONT.)
I don’t like the odds here. Sergio and I have never crossed the Monastero brothers, so what’s the beef with us? They need to pay more attention to that scum bag Cooney. You know what happened to your wife?
Bruno’s hands ball into fists, his mouth twists into a threatening sneer.
BRUNO
Say no more. This not about her.
Albert gets close to his face.
ALBERT
It was Cooney, Bruno, not Bucholtz. This fight is about your wife and all the the women Cooney brutalized in the coal fields.
Albert’s face contorts with a painful memory, his lips tight.
ALBERT (CONT.)
My friend, Jo, a reporter, small woman not even 90 pounds soaking wet. Cooney almost killed her. Yeah, big man like him, champaign boxer, raped her, beat her to a pulp, and left her to die. Sound familiar? It should. She no more deserved it than your wife.
Bruno blanches.
BRUNO
How you know this?
ALBERT
I have sources, proof. I helped you once, remember.
Bruno nods acknowledgement.
BRUNO
You saved my life when I asked for help.
ALBERT
If you stand by me, I can give Cooney a dose of his own medicine. If he dies in the ring, then there is one less bully to hurt our women.
Albert looks Bruno directly in the eye and finds a comrade there.
BRUNO
What you want me to do?
ALBERT
Broker for me. Tell the good brothers that I refuse to throw the match because this is a grudge fight. They still have time to hitch their wagons to the dark horse, and I WILL WIN. In exchange for my life and Sergio’s, you will give them a report on Cooney that contains information that the brothers should be aware of. What they decide to do with the information is up to them.
Bruno looks shocked but hesitant to be the messenger.
BRUNO
But, Albert?
ALBERT
When I win, the only one who loses is Cooney. If the brothers help him by intimidating the officials, or any harm comes to me or Sergio before or immediately after the fight, I have friends who will give a copy of that same report to the press and public officials. Capiche?
Bruno’s eyes go wide.
BRUNO
Capiche.
Albert moves to his locker to pull out an envelope hidden under a stack of notebooks, tights, and boxing trunks. He hands a page to Bruno.
ALBERT
Put your eyes on this.
Bruno’s sucks in his breath.
BRUNO
Cooney? And, the ‘yeast baron” Siracusa?
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Rebecca Sukle.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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Don Thompson’s Interest Scene
What I learned while doing this assignment is that you can set up a scene for an interesting payoff in a very efficient way using interest techniques.
Logline: After being screwed over, Alex returns to Emma to request a truce, while in reality, Alex is setting up Emma for embarrassment at a social gathering.
Interest technique: Character, Dialog
Scene:
ALEX (30) is at a party, speaking with CAITLYN (25). Caitlyn points out that his ex, EMMA (30) is also at the party.
CAITLYN (nodding toward Emma): Wow, Emma’s here.
Alex, somewhat surprised, turns to look. He spots Emma with ROB (22).
ALEX: I wonder who the guy is.
CAITLYN: Looks about five years younger than her.
ALEX: Maybe ten.
CAITLYN: You should go say ‘hi’. I mean, even if she was sort of a bitch to you.
ALEX: Sort of a bitch? She was a major bitch. But also fun.
Alex then makes his way over to Emma and Rob.
ALEX: Hi Emma, how’s it going?
EMMA: Alex! How are you?
They do an obligatory hug and peck on the cheek.
EMMA: This is my cousin Rob.
ALEX: Hey Rob, nice to meet you. Where are you from?
ROB: Florida.
Alex nods his head.
ALEX: Can I get you guys something to drink?
ROB (jumps in): I’ll do that! What will you have?
EMMA: I’ll take a glass of red wine.
ALEX: (looking at his empty glass). I’ll take a whiskey – neat.
Rob leaves.
ALEX: So – how’s it going?
Emma: Not bad.
Alex looks down.
ALEX: Hey, ah – I’m sorry about what happened.
EMMA: Me too.
ALEX: I mean, I was an asshole.
EMMA: We were both sort of assholes.
ALEX: Can we have a truce?
EMMA: Sounds good.
Alex turns back to Caitlyn.
ALEX: I was… talking to my friend Caitlyn. You ever meet Caitlyn?
EMMA: You an item?
ALEX: Nah… she’s a friend.
Rob returns with the drinks, hands them over to each.
ROB: Bar’s pretty good. Looks like some interesting people.
EMMA: You should go meet some. Mingle.
ALEX: Yeah… go meet some!
Rob eyes them both over, taking the hint.
ALEX: So, where were we?
EMMA: You’re not with Caitlyn.
ALEX: No.
Beat.
EMMA: We had it sort of good, I thought.
Beat.
ALEX: Yeah… really good.
They look at each other quite deeply.
Suddenly, Alex looks up, noticing another woman, ROBIN (25) has entered.
Alex nods toward Robin.
ALEX: That’s Robin.
Emma looks her way.
EMMA: You know her?
ALEX: She’s my date.
Emma is side-swiped by the remark.
EMMA: Oh. I see.
ALEX: See ya.
EMMA: Sure.
Alex leaves Emma and walks toward Robin.
Emma is left standing alone, looking lost and embarrassed.
END OF SCENE
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Carol Paur’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that it’s fun adding all these different techniques to your story.
Logline: A thwarted author and ex-wife invites her ex-husband to her estate to kill him.
Interest technique ideas: Suspense, Major Twist, Surprise, More interesting setting (Unusual statuary), Mislead/Reveal, Superior Position / Dramatic Irony, Uncertainty — hope / fear, Intrigue, Mystery, Cliffhanger, Dilemma, Something unseen, CHARACTER, DIALOGUE
Scene:
EXT. FIELD – DAY
Bees are humming. CAROL (in her 50s), in full beekeeper’s outfit, works with her bees, humming. She sets the top of one of the hives onto the ground and walks away. She’s the picture of serenity.
EXT. CAROL PAUR’S ESTATE – PATIO
Carol, serves tea to JEROME ROSS (handsome, 40s). He looks appreciatively around the beautiful grounds.
JEROME ROSS
I never get tired of this place. When you decide to sell, let me know.
CAROL PAUR
So you can be buried in the graveyard out back?
Jerome shivers a bit.
JEROME ROSS
So, we haven’t talked in a few years.
CAROL PAUR
Wasn’t my fault.
Jerome shifts in his chair.
JEROME ROSS
Well, it all worked out for you in the end.
CAROL PAUR
I almost lost this place. Annie did all she could do to find me a new publisher.
JEROME ROSS
Oh, good-ole Annie. How is she these days?
CAROL PAUR
Annie was the one who convinced me to write less violent books. In her mind, the books you wanted were not quite the right vibe for me.
JEROME ROSS
It got you famous. (Beat) I wouldn’t say Heavenly Mercy was a tome of peace.
CAROL PAUR
But the book ended in harmony.
JEROME ROSS
By having the antagonist attacked by killer bees?
Carol pours more tea into their cups. She nudges a cookie plate toward Jerome.
CAROL PAUR
You were always afraid of bees, weren’t you?
In answer, Jerome pulls out his epipen, then tucks it back into his pocket.
CAROL PAUR
How’s your…let’s see…fourth wife these days?
JEROME ROSS
I want to know how Jerome Junior is doing.
CAROL PAUR
I suppose since you never bother to visit him, you’d like me to give you a report. He’s in his second year of medical school. He met a girl. They’re going to wait to get married.
She laughs a little conspiratorial laugh. Jerome lifts up his cup to his lips.
CAROL PAUR
But, they’re still making wedding plans. He asked me if they should invite you.
Jerome sets the cup down and leans forward.
JEROME ROSS
Well, what did you tell him?
Carol abruptly stands up.
CAROL PAUR
Let’s go check out the vineyard. That was your favorite part of the estate.
JEROME ROSS
No, no, it was the wine cellar.
Jerome follows his ex-wife down from the patio into the estate grounds. The path is filled with macabre statues of death and horror – think gargoyles, skeletons, and the grim reaper. Jerome is freaking out.
JEROME ROSS
When did you acquire these?
CAROL PAUR
I do a lot of research, you know. I don’t just come up with the ideas in my head. It requires travel and interviews, and visits to museums or shops of antiquity. It doesn’t seem right to glean all that information without buying something and bringing it home. (Beat) Let’s go visit the graveyard. It’s my favorite place. So peaceful.
JEROME ROSS
I thought we were going to the vineyard.
CAROL PAUR
(vaguely)
It’s on the way.
They walk for a while then stop at a wrought-iron fenced-in graveyard, with old stones marking the final resting place of the dead. Over on one side is a double stone.
CAROL PAUR
There’s the one Daddy bought for us as a wedding gift. He was hoping that it would keep you faithful.
Jerome laughs uncomfortably.
JEROME ROSS
I suppose he’s buried here?
Carol points to an obelisk.
CAROL PAUR
You missed the funeral. Oh, wasn’t that on the same day as your nuptials with bride number three?
Jerome says nothing. Carol walks away. Jerome follows.
POV – Camera zooms in on the gravestone of Carol and Jerome’s. It has Jerome’s date of birth as well as date of death – August 30, 2021.
JEROME ROSS
I don’t remember this being the path to the vineyard.
CAROL PAUR
I had the gardener clear it since it’s a shorter distance.
They walk for a short while until they come upon the beehives, twelve of them. One of them is missing its top. Bees swarm around it.
Jerome steps back but falls. Soon he’s covered with bees. Jerome screams.
CAROL PAUR
(sighs)
Oh, I forgot you’re deathly afraid of bees.
She smiles an evil grin.
CAROL PAUR
You should have paid more attention to Heavenly Mercy. There were clues everywhere in my book.
Out of the clearing steps ANNIE, six-feet tall, in her sixties.
CAROL PAUR
(shocked)
Annie?
Annie stops, pulls off a face mask to reveal ARNOLD.
ARNOLD
You killed Annie. You didn’t like how she was directing your career. You’re under arrest for the murder of Annie Roberts, Ted Smith and…
JEROME ROSS
Help!
Arnold runs over to Jerome, pushes away the bees. Jerome is having a hard time breathing.
CAROL PAUR
(disdainfully)
He has an epipen in his pocket.
She runs away. Arnolds finds the pen, shoots Jerome, and lets him drop.
ARNOLD
911 is on the way.
Arnold runs through the estate, spies Carol, gets close and jumps her. They roll in the grass and end up with Carol on the bottom and Arnold on top. Carol smiles up in Arnold’s face, panting. He’s panting, too, but grim.
CAROL PAUR
I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. Arnold, are you sure you want to arrest me? We could bury Jerome in the cemetery. No one would know any better.
Arnold leans down to give Carol a long, passionate kiss, in which she responds full-heartedly. He lifts his head.
ARNOLD
I’ve been your biggest fan.
Sirens are heard in the background.
ARNOLD
Too bad you left too many clues in your books.
He stands and pulls Carol up and handcuffs her.
ARNOLD
Maybe we should get married and we’ll have conjugal visits in prison.
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Subject: Monica’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is by incorporating as many Interest Techniques as possible your screenplay will be superior to other writers.
Situation: After being screwed over, Person A returns to Person B to request a truce…but in the next scene, we see that they are actually setting up Person B.
Logline: Thinking he’s helping his friend free his sister from French spies, the Duke of Manchester, is taken prisoner instead.
Scene:
EXT. GROSVENOR SQUARE LONDON – NIGHT
Grosvenor Square was bathed in darkness. There was no moon and clouds hung low in the night sky. Fog swirled up from the Thames. It caressed the very expensive boots of William, Duke of Manchester as he hid inside on of the towering trees.
On his other side stood Charles, Earl of Firth. They watched the townhouses on the opposite side of the square from the Duke of Westminster’s house. Charles held a shuttered lantern which gave off only enough light to see where they were going.
WILLIAM
And you’re sure she’s in there.
CHARLES
As sure as I’m ever going to be.
(beat)
You saw the note.
WILLIAM
Yes.
CHARLES
Look. The lights are out.
William pulled out his pocket watch. Leaned it toward the lantern.
WILLIAM
It’s 11 pm. We’ll give them twenty minutes. Then we’ll go.
William pocketed his watch and leaned against the tree.
CHARLES
Very good.Charles, his back to William, serendipitously brought the lantern up and quickly open and closed its door a few times. Charles watched the townhouse. An answering light emanated from one of the main floor windows.
WILLIAM
Did you see that?
CHARLES
See what?WILLIAM
Never mind. The fog is playing tricks on my eyes.
RUSTLE. RUSTLE.
WILLIAM
What’s that?
CHARLES
Probably just some cat in the bushes.(beat)
Whatever is the matter? You’re wound tighter than a ball of wool.
WILLIAM
It’s hard to take the soldier out of the duke.
CHARLES
But you’re not in France anymore.WILLIAM
I know. But I don’t know. I have the same feeling as when we were ambushed at Vitoria.
CHARLES
Let’s go. The sooner this is over the sooner you can be back in front of the fireplace.
William followed Charles across the square. At the fence that surrounded the square, they stopped. Listened. Nothing stirred. The fog was thicker now. The two men ran across the road and crouched down outside the fence of the townhouse. They waited. Nothing.
Charles leaped the fence. Then held the lantern so William could see where he landed after jumping the fence. The four storey townhouse was conveniently located on the end. Charles strode around the side of the townhouse. William right on his heels. And right into the arms of several armed soldiers.
WILLIAM
What the hell is this?
SOLDIER 1
Hands up, Monsieur Duke.
Charles stands beside one of the soldiers.
CHARLES
Sorry old chap. But le petite general requires more money.
A man steps out from the shadows.
RENARD
Ah Monsieur Duke, we meet again.
William swivels around.
WILLIAM
Renard! You bastard. I should have killed you when I had the opportunity.
RENARD
Alas. But you did not.
(beat)
Take him inside.
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Janeen’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is that brainstorming interest techniques for a scene before writing it makes the outline quick to do and the writing a breeze.
Logline: Jed stole Bob and Carol’s third kayak when they first moved to the lake. Now, Bob’s daughter, Mandy, is at the lake, vamping Jed until he buys a second kayak, sure he will have her use the one he took and they can just paddle away with it.
Interest Technique Ideas
Suspense — Will Jed figure out that Mandy is Bob and Carol’s daughter? <div>
Major Twist — Mandy realizes that the boat — Jed’s boat — wasn’t her old one
Surprise — Carol and Bob dump Jed out of his own boat “as a joke”
Put in a More Interesting Setting — Near a dam’s intake
Mislead/Reveal — Mandy pretends to simply be new at the lake, but when Bob and Carol approach, it is obvious she knows them.
Superior Position/Dramatic Irony — Bob and Carol had a plan and Jed, having not stolen their boat, gave them no reason to exact revenge on Jed.
Uncertainty — Hope/Fear — Mandy is unsure if she should just paddle away with Bob and Carol or stay to make sure Jed doesn’t drown
Intrigue — Who is Mandy? Why is she so enamored of kayaking and Jed?
Mystery — Why are Bob and Carol so angry with Jed even after they get the kayak back?
Cliffhanger — Will Jed be able to swim to shore or to his own drifting kayak? Will he get sucked into the dam intake?
Dilemma — Leave Jed behind or simply paddle away?
Something unseen — Mandy has fallen for Jed while spending time with him to get him to buy a kayakCharacter
Character Changes Radically — Mandy has become enamored of Jed and feels sorry for him when they dump him out of his boat </div><div>
Betrayal — Mandy and Carol dump him out of his own boat
Dilemma — Mandy is torn about helping him back in his boat or leaving him adrift
Uncomfortable Moment — They see that the boat and Jed are drifting toward the dam intakeMisinterpretation — The color, brand and wear on the boat make it seem like it is Mandy’s, but when she gets in it, she realizes it isn’t.
Dialogue
Hook — Mandy says Jed finally bought his own boat so we can take ours back </div><div>
Predictions — Jed will let Mandy use the new one and they’ll dump him out of Mandy’s.
Creating a Future — Once they’ve dumped him out of Mandy’s, they’ll paddle a distance away and help Mandy get into her own boat, leaving Jed’s adrift for him to get
Anticipatory Dialogue — Jed can surely get into a kayak on his own. He always wears a life jacket as required by law.
EXT. DOCK ON A MANMADE LAKE – DAY
BOB and CAROL are getting into their kayaks while their college- aged daughter, MANDY, smiling, trots down to the dock to join them.
MANDY
Jed bought a boat so we could kayak together. I only wanted him to let me take my old boat out so I could get it back.CAROL
It took half the summer to get a chance to use your own boat.MANDY
But he was so sweet. He bought it so we could go out together. We’re taking it on its maiden voyage in a half hour. Well, we’re taking his new one and the one you say is mine.Bob and Carol high five.
BOB
His old boat IS yours. Same color, same brand, same wear and tear.CAROL
That no-good scoundrel stole if from our dock a month ago.BOB
Today’s the day we get it back.CAROL
He hasn’t figured out yet that you’re our daughter, has he?MANDY
I don’t think so. I hope he wants to paddle the new boat. Then all I’ll have to do is paddle mine home. Simple. Easy.BOB
If he pushes you to use the new one, that’s fine. We’ll just tip him out of yours, drag it out of his swimming range, raft up and you can switch boats. Then we just push his boat in his direction and paddle away.CAROL
Jed can get into a kayak on his own, can’t he, honey?MANDY
I think so. Most guys can. He always wears a PFD, so he’ll be able to swim back to shore towing the boat.BOB
Okay, sweetie. We’ll all paddle toward the dam and we’ll just happen to bump into you there.Mandy’s shoulders slump a little as she heads up to her car.
MANDY
Okay. He’s really sweet.EXT. DIFFERENT DOCK ON THE LAKE – DAY
JED and MANDY are both wearing PFDs that fit snugly. He guides her toward the new kayak.
JED
You have to use the new one. It’s more aerodynamic, has a rudder so it will be easier to steer in the breeze and it matches your eyes.Mandy eyes the older boat and nods to herself. It’s hers.
MANDY
I don’t want to scratch up your new one. I really don’t mind if you want to take it on its maiden voyage.JED Nonsense.
Jed kisses her lightly on the cheek and she pulls him closer to kiss him.
MANDY
You are the nicest man I’ve ever met. You bought a kayak just so we could paddle together.He smiles and leans in to kiss her again.
She frowns and looks away, quickly getting into the new kayak so he won’t see her confusion.
JED
Let’s head toward the dam.Jed pushes Mandy, in the new boat, out onto the water and gets into his old kayak. They paddle away from the dock chatting about how the new boat handles.
EXT. LAKE WITH THE DAM IN THE BACKGROUND – DAY
MANDY and JED approach BOB and CAROL as they paddle toward the couple.
MANDY Hi, folks.
She heads toward them and pulls up next to Carol. Bob hangs back.
CAROL Hello, dear.
Jed pulls up on the other side of Carol. Carol stows her paddle and grabs the front of Jed’s boat as he passes by her. Bob stows his paddle at the same time and grabs the back of Jed’s boat. Jed waits expectantly for an introduction.
BOB Heave, ho.
In unison, Jed and Carol flip Jed’s boat away from them.
Jed falls out of the boat, his paddle flying out in front of him. He sputters and splashes, disoriented.
BOB (CONT’D)
Go, ladies. I’ll get the boat.Carol grabs her paddle and begins to paddle furiously, making a big circle and turning back the way she had come. Bob gives Jed’s boat a big push and it glides easily over the water in the direction of Bob and Carol’s house instead of toward Jed who is swimming toward his paddle.
Bob backs his boat around and then takes off after Jed’s boat.
Mandy follows Carol, trying to look back over her shoulder at Jed who has retrieved the paddle and is waiting patiently for Bob to bring his boat to him.
Bob grabs Jed’s boat and continues to move farther away from Jed. Jed looks confused and then angry.
JED
Hey, I’m back here. Where are yougoing?
The family rafts up, with Mandy and Jed’s boats between them. Mandy carefully raises herself out of the cockpit of the new boat and rolls into the cockpit of the old one, slipping her legs in and settling in to paddle. Bob gives the new boat a big push in Jed’s direction. It doesn’t run true, however, because the rudder is still in the water and the boat heads toward the dam intake buoy.
Jed, floating with his back toward the family, is using his paddle to propel himself toward them. When he catches sight of his boat floating toward the intake buoy, he changes course to intercept it.
Mandy stops paddling and looks carefully at the older boat she’s now in.
MANDY
Mom, Dad. We’ve made a big mistake. This isn’t my boat.BOB
What do you mean, it’s not yours. Of course it’s yours.MANDY
I know, I thought it was mine too, but mine had a gouge out of the cockpit rim where we dropped the anvil on it in the garage a couple of winters ago. You remember.Bob pulls up to examine Mandy’s boat.
MANDY (CONT’D) See? No ding.
CAROL Oh, my.
MANDY
We should go back and help him.BOB
After we tipped over his boat? I don’t think so.MANDY
Tell him it’s a family initiation ritual to dump a person out of their boat the first time we paddle together.CAROL
He doesn’t deserve that kind of consideration. He’s taken you in, Mandy.They all maneuver so they can see how Jed is doing. His boat is drifting closer to the intake buoy and he is still paddling toward the boat, facing away from it to facilitate paddling. He glares in their direction now and then.
BOB
He’s tricked you into liking him, the bum. He’s fine, Mandy, and you’ll see that thieves like him aren’t worth a second thought. Let’s get out of here.MANDY
Why do you hate him so much? He didn’t steal the boat. He’s a nice guy.CAROL
You don’t know the half of it, Mandy. Let’s go home.Bob and Carol begin to paddle back to their house, but Mandy hesitates. She mumbles to herself as though her parents are listening.
MANDY
He’s getting closer to the dam intake. But so’s his boat and it’s still on top of the water. He’ll be alright, right?She turns her boat until she is sideways. Bob and Carol are getting farther away.
MANDY (CONT’D)
He’s getting closer to his boat and he can swim. He’s got his paddle. But the intake…She hesitates, unsure which way to paddle.
MANDY (CONT’D)
He bought a new kayak just so we could paddle together.She pauses, looking from her receding parents boats to Jed, ever closer to the intake buoy.
MANDY (CONT’D) But Mom and Dad hate him.
FADE OUT:
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Janeen Johnson.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by
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James’ Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is when I attempt to fill my scene with as many interest techniques as possible, I begin to develop the characters’ backstories and create a mini-story within the scene that can then be part of an entire screenplay.
Logline: Benny returns to town to make a truce with Joey, but is actually there to even the score.
Interest technique ideas:
1. Suspense: Benny has two of his friends waiting in an alley near the pier ready to pound on Joey.
2. Major twist: Benny finds out that Joey is now a cop.
3. Surprise: As Joey is lead to the alley by Benny, the city lights go off.
4. Put in a More Interesting Setting: Joey is lead to a desolate pier with a few docked boats.
5. Mislead/Reveal: As Joey is lead to the pier, it turns out he is actually an undercover detective when his partner sounds the alarm.
6. Superior Position/Dramatic Irony: Former gang members who knew Benny and Joey as kids are going to witness what goes down at the pier, and may participate with their own weapons.
7. Uncertainty – hope/fear: It looks like Benny will even the score with Joey, but the converging parties of the former gang members and the undercover detective’s partner may make the goal difficult to achieve.
8. Intrigue: Benny sends a gang member a secret message, not knowing that he will then notify other gangsters.
9. Mystery: We don’t know what will happen when everyone reaches the pier.
10. Cliffhanger: After Joey gets a beatdown, we are left wondering what will happen once his partner and the former gang members arrive.
11. Dilemma: Benny has to choose between evening the score (risk being arrested) or not (swallow pride).
12. Something unseen: We don’t see Joey’s partner tailing them, but Benny gets suspicious.
13. Character changes radically: We learn Joey is still sympathetic towards the former gang members.
14. Betrayal: One of the waiting men who was to pound Joey, turns on Benny.
15. Uncomfortable moment: As Benny and Joey reach the pier, they encounter a gay couple copulating.
16. Misinterpretation: Joey believes they are going to meet an old childhood friend.
17. Hook: Both Benny and Joey start to receive consecutive text messages from an unknown sender.
18. Prediction: Joey predicts he will be head detective for the department one day.
19. Creating a Future: As Benny, Joey and everyone else converges on the pier, we see the potential for a mass falling out and reckoning between them with their pasts.
20. Anticipatory Dialogue: Benny states that whatever happens he’ll still attempt to be best friends with Joey.
Scene:
EXT. BAR – NIGHT
BENNY waits with a cigarette in hand. In moments, JOEY steps out and locks the door of the business.
BENNY
Good of you to meet me, Joey.
JOEY
Anything to calm the waters of the past.
Benny tosses the cigarette.
BENNY
Let’s head over to the pier for old times sake.
They stroll towards the riverfront. TWO MEN hide with a baton and a bat in hand near an alley. They anxiously watch Benny and Joey approach the pier.
BENNY
Bartending’s paying the bills nowadays?
JOEY
I’m actually a cop now. This is my moonlighting gig.
BENNY
Oh. You’re on the right side of the law.
Benny slyly takes out his cell phone and sends a message.
JOEY
That’s right, Benny. Which means no more hard feelings between us.
One of the men near the alley reads the text message. Both men remain hiding and give each other a look as plans may have changed.
JOEY
Hopefully, our friends have chosen decent paths in life.
They reach the edge of the pier and the city lights suddenly turn off causing complete darkness around them.
BENNY
What the hell?
JOEY
They’ll come back on. Power company’s doing some work.
Benny checks his cell phone, as the lights come back on.
BENNY
How long have you been on the police force?
JOEY
Seven years. And I promised myself I’ll be head detective one day.
Joey’s cell phone CHIMES. He reviews a message.
JOEY
How about you? What keeps you busy?
BENNY
I’m a foreman for a construction firm.
A MAN dressed in all black tails Benny and Joey from about forty yards back. He makes sure no one sees him by surveying his surroundings.
JOEY
You must make good bank.
BENNY
Yeah, when there’s a multi-million dollar building to construct.
They walk further into the pier and hear GRUNTS coming from behind a dumpster. As Joey investigates, a GAY COUPLE copulating falls to the ground.
JOEY
I know it’s dark guys, but go get a room. Before you get arrested.
The gay couple pull their pants up and run off. Joey turns to Benny who is at a loss for words.
JOEY
Sometimes you gotta be judicial about these things.
BENNY
I understand. It comes with the territory.
Benny’s cell phone CHIMES. Both men are about twenty yards from the river.
Benny reads the text message:
“You still want to go through with this?”
Benny places his cell phone back in his pocket. He stands gawking at the river not knowing his next move.
JOEY
Have you met up with others from the old hood?
Benny offers silence. He wipes his sweat off his forehead.
JOEY
You OK? I shoulda gotten you some water before closing up.
BENNY
No, I’ll be alright.
JOEY
You said you had a surprise for me. Some folks from back in the day.
Benny attempts to keep his wits in line trying to control his nerves.
BENNY
They’re not gonna show up. Look how late it is.
JOEY
Maybe another night.
BENNY
We’ll keep in touch.
JOEY
You know where to find me.
Just at this moment, the two men hiding emerge from the darkness. Benny turns toward them.
BENNY
We can all go home.
MAN WITH BAT
Not you.
MAN WITH BATON
We gotta think about our future. And you ain’t helping, Benny.
BENNY
This is all a bad joke.
JOEY
It isn’t because I’m currently an undercover detective. On duty.
The man dressed all in black makes his entrance.
JOEY
Thanks Cooper. For the heads up.
COOPER
No problem, Joey. This man here wanted to do a number on you.
BENNY
No one was going to do nothing.
A SMALL GROUP OF FOUR MEN converge on the pier. The LEADER positions himself behind Benny.
JOEY
Who are these people?
LEADER
We’re from the past. Ready to even the score for Benny.
The four men slide their hands into their jackets as Joey and Cooper reach for their service firearms…
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Hope McPherson’s Interest Scene
What I learned: I’ve never built a scene this way and I LOVED THIS. I’m totally going back through my current spec script in process to do this with the scenes.
Logline: Professor Eleanor Mofit’s colleague Professor Regis Slurpee threatens to end her career, but Professor Mofit has uncovered a secret that turns the tables on her colleague.
2. STRUCTURAL ITs:
Suspense: Professor Mofit buys a gun off the street.
Major twist: Mofit discovers Prof. Slurpee was accused of sexual harassment in a previous position.
Surprise: Mofit hires a college football player to beat up Slurpee.
Put in more interesting setting: Mofit and Slurpee are on an Artic expedition.
Mislead/reveal: Mofit agrees to apologize to Slurpee at a conference, but instead brings out the women he was accused of harassing.
Superior position/irony: Slurpee thinks he’s won, but we know Mofit has the name of one of his accusers and is calling her.
Uncertainty: Mofit is called out of her classroom by the provost’s office (fear); but she’s asked to speak to a detective about what she learned. (hope)
Intrigue: Slurpee inspects Mofit’s office while she’s in class, measuring for drapes.
Mystery: Mofit receives an unsigned letter under her office door.
Cliffhanger: Mofit is fired.
Dilemma: Mofit must resign or be disgraced and never work in academia again.
CHARACTER ITs:
Character changes radically: Mofit becomes a sports broadcaster.
Betrayal: Slurpee’s wife turns on him.
Dilemma: Slurpee must leave his wife or his appointment as dean of the school.
Uncomfortable moment: Mofit is embarrassed at the conference when Slurpee accuses her a plagiarism on her dissertation.
Misinterpretation: When Mofit sees the detectives in the provost’s office, she bursts into tears (or runs to get the evidence she uncovered).
DIALOGUE ITs:
Hook: Mofit admits that she plagerized.
Predictions: Mofit says bringing Slurpee down will be the last thing she does before taking over his department.
Creating a future: The conference is in 48 hours.
Anticipatory dialogue: Slurpee tells his wife that he’s ending Mofit’s career at the conference.
INT. PROFESSOR’S OFFICE – DAY
In a small office with walls lined with bookcases, PROFESSOR ELEANOR MOFIT sits at her desk, bent over a pile of essays. Red pen in hand, she slashes and burns as she reads.
She’s alone, the office door closed, the only sound is from papers rustling. She writes C- in a flourish at the top of an essay, drops it into another pile, grabs another essay.
A white envelope is slipped under the door. Eleanor sees it. She stands and opens the door. Leaning on the doorframe, she looks left and right. The hallway is empty.
She bends down, picks up the envelope, and returns to her desk. She flips the envelope over: No writing anywhere.
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
The door is flung open. PROFESSOR REGIS SLURPEE leans in, grinning.
REGIS
So we’re agreed: You apologize in person to me at the Shakespearean Modes and Methods Conference on Friday night?
ELEANOR
I remember the deal, Dr. Slurpee. I apologize publicly—
REGIS
(gleeful)
Or be fired publicly. So much for your quaint position as an English professor!
ELEANOR
I’ll be there.
REGIS
(smirks)
Make the apology a good one. Of course, you can simply resign now. Saves me … everyone … time, after all.
Regis grins, shuts the door, and is gone.
ELEANOR
Oh, it’ll be good.
Eleanor’s turn to smirk. Still holding the letter in one hand, she pulls open a desk drawer with the other, reaches in, and pulls out a black revolver.
RAP, RAP, RAP.
DEAN FIDDLE (O.S.)
Dr. Mofit, it’s me, Dean William Fiddle, and, er, a law enforcement professional. May we have a moment of your time?
Eleanor closes the drawer on the gun. She stands, plasters a benign smile on her face, and opens the door.
Her academic dean, Dr. Will Fiddle, and a humorless police detective, fill the hallway.
ELEANOR
Dean Fiddle and … how can I help you?
DEAN FIDDLE
This gentleman is a detective and he–
DET. SMITH
Dr. Mofit, I’m Detective Smith. I have some questions about one of your colleagues –
He stares down at a little notepad.
DET. SMITH
— a Regis Slurpee.
DEAN FIDDLE
Dr. Slurpee? He’s my most popular Econ professors. Students love him!
The detective stops, glares at the dean.
DET. SMITH
Thank you for your help, Dean Fiddle. I’ll take it from here.
The detective stares till the college administrator squirms.
DEAN FIDDLE
Yes, of course. Of course. Dr. Mofit, I’ll be in my office if you need anything.
DET. SMITH
Good day, Dr. Fiddle.
Eleanor motions in the detective, who takes up most of her tiny office. His eyes take in the mess of books lining the bookshelves and stacks of half-graded essays on her desk.
She shuts the door, she maneuvers around the detective to stand between him and the drawer with the gun and still unopened note, now laying atop the essays. She stands, leaning against the desk.
ELEANOR
How can I help you, Detective Smith?
DET. SMITH
Have you noticed anything suspicious about your colleague, Regis Slurpee, Miss Mofit?
ELEANOR
Dr. Mofit.
DET. SMITH
Right. Dr. Mofit, have you noticed anything suspicious about him?
ELEANOR
Other than his new Tesla? On a professor’s salary?
The detective flips a few pages in his notebook, searching.
DET. SMITH
Yes, in addition to the Tesla.
ELEANOR
No, not really. His office is on the other side of campus. I don’t see him often.
DET. SMITH
You haven’t heard from any female students about Slurpee?
ELEANOR
Why would I?
DET. SMITH
Perhaps in anonymous notes? Like the one on your desk behind you?
ELEANOR
What?!
She looks behind her at the innocuous white envelope.
DET. SMITH
We have reason to believe that Prof. Slurpee is …
INT. OFFICE – LATER
Eleanor now sits at her desk. Detective Smith leans against a bookcase. He’s holding the white note and envelope.
DET. SMITH
Thank you, Dr. Mofit. I’ll take this with me.
He pushes away from the shelving. Eleanor stands, takes hold of the office door handle.
ELEANOR
I’m happy to–
KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
Eleanor swings open the door.
Dean Fiddle is back, along with Dr. Regis Slurpee, who looks like he just swallowed a canary.
REGIS
(gleeful)This just couldn’t wait after all, Eleanor.
DEAN FIDDLE
Dr. Mofit, I’m afraid it’s been brought to my attention that our previous concerns were even worse. Plagiarism, Dr. Mofit. Plagiarism. This is very serious indeed. Oh, Detective Smith, I’m glad you’re still here. Would you be willing to escort Dr. Mofit from the premises? Dr. Mofit, you’re fired.
ELEANOR
I’m glad Detective Smith is here, too, Dean Fiddle. (to Regis) Regis, you’re an S-O-B and a prick.
DEAN FIDDLE
Dr. Mofit!
DET. SMITH
Dean Fiddle, I will be escorting one of your professors off the premises. But it won’t be Mofit.
He holds up the note and pulls another handful from his pocket.
DET. SMITH
Dr. Slurpee, you are under arrest for trading grades for sexual favors.
Dr. Mofit smiles.
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Doug’s Interest Scene
What I learned from this assignment is that pulling the interest techinques in this way with a great brainstorm makes the first draft go so much smoother. It gives me a chance to see what other situations can be worked into the next draft and so on.
Logline: Sammy comes home to find June on her fire escape patio after getting her fired a week before, it seems as June wants to bury the hatchet.
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE PATIO – NIGHT
The sounds of the Washington DC fill the night. Honking cabs, sirens, skateboarders, drunks with no agenda all fill the ear of JUNE, 30, petite but strong.
She is sitting looking out at the night, her legs dangle under the bottom bar of the ledge. She takes a deep breath as a door behind her opens. SAMMY 22, stands in the doorway.
SAMMY
Whoah! How did you get up here?
June looks at Sammy and shrugs.
JUNE
The usual way.
June puts a hand in her pocket and shifts whatever is inside.
SAMMY
Didn’t know you liked guys clothes.
JUNE
Tons of things you don’t know about me.
Sammy shifts her weight. She is uncomfortable and rubs her back uneasily and grimaces. It’s not pain just unease. June watches with concerned interest.
SAMMY
What?
JUNE
Oh nothing. Just thought you would want to say something to me about last week.
Sammy sighs like a teen that has been told to do a chore. June stands up and steps to the side so sammy can come out on the ledge.
SAMMY
Ugh! Look I told you I had to get mine.
JUNE
You know, it’s cool. I hiked all the way up here to say no hard feelings.
June puts out her hand. Sammy looks left and right checking for a trap. There is none she can see and steps out onto ledge taking June’s hand.
June quickly gets a firm grip on Sammy’s hand and pulls her in tight for an embrace. Sammy is taken off guard by the hug and desperately tries to keep June’s hand away from her lower back.
June feels the hard bump on Sammy’s back. They make eye contact. Sammy is a deer in headlights, as June cracks a sinister smile.
SAMMY
Uh. I can explain.
June pulls the gun from Sammy’s back waist belt and steps back pointing it at her. Sammy spins with hands up backing into the railing.
JUNE
Here I was going to tell you it’s all right and you were coming to what? Kill me, threaten me.
SAMMY
No! NO! Nothing like that.
Sammy looks at her guilty and then at the ground.
SAMMY
Ok I was going to scare you. But it was because I really needed that job and you were just too…
June cuts her off as she cocks the weapon.
JUNE
Oh no. I know I’m good. Thats why every firm on K street knows my name. I’ve been working this shit for 8 years. Got into it with some shady fucks, but you. You take the cake.
Sammy has tears in her eyes.
SAMMY
Look June don’t kill me. I’ll do anything! Please.
JUNE
Tell ’em it was you.
SAMMY
Well not that, I still need the job kitten.
JUNE
Jesus! Look kid just cop to what you did and we can have a drink and laugh about this.
Sammy looks at the barrel of the gun, then above it focusing on June’s face. Tears run down her cheeks as she screws on her courage.
SAMMY
Do it bitch. I bet you don’t have the..
BANG! The gun goes off. Sammy makes a stupid face and drops to her knees.
June is holding the gun pointed in the air.
JUNE
Wow. Blanks. FUCKING BLANKS! Whoo!
Sammy is sobbing and covers her face.
SAMMY
How did you know?
June smirks as she quickly retorts.
JUNE
I didn’t.
Sammy lifts her head and the horror on her face is real. June looks down on her and smiles.
JUNE
Just fucking with ya. I found out what you were planning from Dave.
Sammy scowls.
SAMMY
Fucking Dave.
June removes the clip from the gun and ejects the cartrage in the chamber. Sammy is in awe that June does this with such precision and knowhow.
JUNE
Girls gotta know how to defend herself. Especially here with all these creepy capital hill guys.
June tosses the gun back into the open doorway. She kneels down and helps Sammy to her feet. She props her up against the railing holding on to her shirt.
Sammy’s goes onto her heels from the force. She puts her hands on the top rail to keep from falling down. She quickly looks at the ground, four stories down.
SAMMY
Whoa! Whoa! Hey now?
June smiles.
JUNE
Don’t worry you won’t die from this height.
She thinks about it for a moment.
JUNE
Unless you fall on your head. Then it’s death or coma city.
Sammy shakes her head at the insane thing she just heard.
JUNE
Just tell me what you’re going to tell Austin in the morning, so I can get my goddam life back.
Sammy takes a deep breath.
SAMMY
Fine I’ll tell him it was me that set you up.
JUNE
And!
SAMMY
It was me that sent the email to the clients from your account.
JUNE
Good.
She lets go of Sammy. Sammy slumps and looks at the ground.
SAMMY
I have nothing if I tell them that.
JUNE
Not my problem.
June turns away from Sammy and looks into the corner of the roof. She smiles, winks and waves. June pulls out her phone from her pocket.
JUNE
You get all that Dave.
DAVE (V.O.)
Loud and clear.
Sammy hears Dave’s voice and screams. She reacts so quickly that June can’t act. With one motion she grabs June by her shirt and spins her into and over the railing.
June is able to grab the railing with one hand. Still holding the phone in her other hand she looks back and forth from the ground and Sammy.
SAMMY
Enjoy fall bitch.
Sammy walks back into the apartment and slams the door shut.
JUNE
DAVE TELL ME YOU GOT ALL THIS.
DAVE (V.O.)
Holy shit yeah! I’m calling the cops and an ambulance.
June looks at the ground and at her surroundings. Her fingers are starting to slip.
JUNE
No need. I got this.
She tosses her phone to the patio below. She reaches up and grabs the rail with her other hand and swings her legs until her feet touch the rail below her.
JUNE
(Unsure) Yeah I got this.
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JOSEPH’S INTEREST SCENE
What I learned doing this assignment is to design a scene
from an outline framework of events/situations/dialogue that
will keep a readers interest, and can be applied to any
future story/scene idea.
LOGLINE: PERSON A SEEKS REVENGE ON PERSON B, WHOM HE BELIEVES
IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ENDING HIS SPORTS CAREER.
Interest technique ideas:
STRUCTURAL
Suspense- Two men converge without exchanging pleasantries,
in an otherwise empty, dark space. One shoulders a bat.
Major Twist- B’s wife appears from a side office, naked from
head-to-toe.
Surprise- Media broadcast team enters, camera in tow,
shooting the awkward moment.
Mislead- Gina is not really involved with A.
Irony- unknown to A and B, A has been given a reprieve in his
job status change.
Uncertainty- Is A out for blood? Will B defend himself by any
means necessary? Will they reconcile?
Intrigue- Love triangle between player, coach, and coaches
wife.
Mystery- What did B do to warrant revenge? Will A, and B’s
wife pay for their affair? Will B defend his honor, or simply
move on?
Cliffhanger- Will A reverse his plan for B’s demise, before
it’s too late?
Dilemma- Will A now have to do away with his new girlfriend,
B’s wife, as well, now that she can be a witness against him.
Something Unseen- weaponry of choice, sits in the dark,
awaiting A’s command.
CHARACTER
Character Changes Dramatically- B has given up his bonus for
A’s retirement send off.
Betrayal- B has violated a long-standing promise to A, to
always be there to defend him.
Dilemma- B will maintain his professional integrity, but lose
a friendship.
Uncomfortable moment- B’s wife will reveal intimate details
about him to A.
Misinterpretation- Appearance of B’s naked wife mistakenly
presumed to mean A is having an affair with her, causing B to
injure A’s throwing hand.
SCENE:
INT. WAREHOUSE SPACE – NIGHT
Drop-down netting frames the darkened mock infield, where a
lone pitching machine with rotating wheels hum in the distant
darkness.
Person B, in baseball practice uniform, stands in the musty
batting cage space, bat in hand, as plainclothes PERSON A
approaches.
Unfriendly expressions best describe their countenance faceoff
through the batting cage mesh.
B
You gonna start ranting again,
because-
A
Can’t someone apologize for being
an ass.
B
You’re not in your usual gym rat
clothes.
A
My playing days are over. Didn’t
you see to that?
B
You always knew how this would end.
And it’s my job to help the team be
the best it can be.
2.
A
That’s not the deal we made. We
said “no matter what”.
B
When we were eighteen. And dreamed
of being the only two to ever make
it to the bigs from this dump of a
barn your grandfather owned. Jesus,
they cleaned this place since we
were here last?
A
I do the best I can on a limited
budget.
B
You still own this firetrap?
A
My inspiration to stay on top.
B
Well now it’s over. So move on,
Sell this memory, and live your
life.
A opened door behind them, from which emerges a naked woman.
B (CONT’D)
Gina?
A
Gina. What the hell?
GINA
You wanted to hurt him. And I
haven’t had my shot at payback for
his neglect, so, I thought we’d
show him.
B
(to A)
This is how you pay back an old
friends firm commitment?
GINA
Old is right. And I haven’t felt
anything firm from him in years.
A
(to B)
It’s not what you think.
(MORE)
3.
(to Gina)
Tell him.
GINA
C’mon, A, it was inevitable. You,
me? We were always a better match.
(CREATING A FUTURE)
B grips bat, anger/grief glance at Gina, then a WHACK of the
bat across A’s right hand, which blocks a near head blow.
B
Go ahead, try pitching with those
fingers now.
(DECLARATION ABOUT A’S
FUTURE)
Writhing in pain, A moves to a wall panel and throws on the
house lights, which reveal ten pitching wheel machines
focused on B in the cage.
A
You remember your old teammates?
(HOOK)
Worried eyes from BA
(CONT’D)
Maybe I’ll have a go at your job.
(ANTICIPATORY DIALOGUE)
A remote control drawn from his pocket, A fires up all
machines which quickly fire hundreds of balls at high speed
into the cage.
B is too slow to escape the barrage and is struck squarely
about the face and head, dropping him for the remaining blows
to rain down after A cuts the lights completely.
EXT. WAREHOUSE BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
A, crippled hand cradled, and Gina, barely covered by a warmup
jacket, encounter PRESS, cameras rolling.
PRESS 1
How does it feel now that the
Manager announced you’ll be
staying, and the rookie will have
to wait his turn?
A
Staying? I didn’t-
A (CONT’D)
4.
PRESS 1
Guess you’ll have to give back
Coach B’s series share from last
year. Though, you probably hadn’t
heard the news that he was giving
it to you as a retirement send off.
A
His share?
(after a glance back at
the building)
No, I hadn’t. But he’s been a good
friend over the years.
-
ASSIGNMENT #22 QE CYCLE 5
Kathleen Schank
I learned that the best way to write just might be these strategies which are techniques to maximize the audience’s interest in the story. Taking the lead role as the writer is like driving to the best place, not off of a cliff into a dark abyss.
I think in this scene, I used dramatic irony, anticipation and suspense, dilemma, major twist and surprise.
Logline: House painter is in the midst of his work. The interior is about half finished, and his one employee is putting days into it together with him. The home owner has been away at work and vacation, but has left many instructions. One day, the owner arrives and calls them off the job. The painter decides to threaten to take legal action to get his pay.
Painter Mr. Ash, assisted by Nick,
Home Owner, Mr. Worthington
Scene: Mr. Ash the house painter and his assistant Nick are hard at work painting the interior of the Worthington home early one day.
Worthington home driveway, Mr. Worthington is going to be leaving for his vacation and is giving last minute instructions to the house painters who are at work.
MR. WORTHINGTON
Ash, I’ve told you everything I want painted on the home interior. I want the woodwork light in the parlor, and the kitchen the different orange. I know you can get it all ready for me before next month. I’ve got an important party planned for my nephew.
MR. ASH
Mr. Worthington, I’ll do everything you say. I’m picking up the rest of the supplies and gallons of paint tomorrow afternoon, and the prep work will be finished once Nick and I sand all of the woodwork. It’ll look as good as new.. like the day you bought it.
MR. WORTHINGTON
Good. I’ll be off on my vacation for a couple weeks. I don’t want to be in the house with all of this work going on. There’ll be fumes and all that noise. See you soon!
MR. ASH
Fine. I’ll just call if there’s a problem. Have a nice time!
NICK
Good bye Mr. Worthington.
MR. WORTHINGTON
See you then, bye!
THE FOLLOWING AFTERNOON
The two men are working. Mr. Ash has taken off the doors and set them up to sand and paint. Nick is busy prepping the rooms with a step ladder.
MR. ASH
Come on, Nick and we’ll have lunch at noon if you like sub sandwiches. Just work on the wood prep for now.
NICK
Yes, Mr. Ash! And I’ll take a sandwich, whatever you get.
MR. ASH
(Interrupting Nick’s work for a moment.)
Nick! Not like that- like I showed you, don’t damage the wood with your putty knife. Just sand it down. It has to be smooth. Take all the hardware off. Fix that…
NICK
I know.
They continue to work.
LUNCHTIME
Mr. Ash extinguishes several cigarettes before sitting down next to Nick to eat the rest of his sandwich.
MR. ASH
Nick, you’re doing fine. Let’s get these rooms ready before the end of the week. We’ve got the whole upstairs to get finished before the end of the month.
NICK
Sure thing. I can work all month long. Do you think he’ll re-paint the exterior?
MR. ASH
There’s a chance if we sell the job, maybe he’ll do it this summer.
NICK
Thanks for the sandwich. Instead of paint I used Mayo.
MR. ASH
Tasty.
THE FOLLOWING WEEK.
MR. ASH
The kitchen looks good, just one mistake. Let me show you. These cupboard hinges… should be silver. What went wrong?
NICK
I thought I should paint over them.
MR. ASH
Nick- no. Clean these up! I don’t think we should have to buy all new ones, do you?
NICK
Not a problem Mr. Ash. It won’t take long.
MR. ASH
If it’s a problem… I’ll do it myself. I’m carrying these doors and moldings downstairs. Everything’s ready once we do that. To get it all painted will take a couple weeks more.
NICK
Let’s get to it. I’ll work on the drywall patching today.
MR. ASH
Won’t be dry until tomorrow. Wait a minute- just got a text message.
(Checking his phone messages.)
It’s Mr. Worthington. He’s giving me all these instructions… I’m annoyed. Get started!
LATER
NICK
I’m finished with the wall patching!
MR. ASH
Okay, now start in one of the bedrooms. I’ll be back up in a moment… Wait! He’s here!
NICK
(Calling downstairs)
Who is? Mr. Worthington?!
MR. ASH
(Extinguishing a cigarette in the garage.)
Mr. Worthington, you’re early!
NICK
Hello!
Mr. Worthington arrives.
MR. WORTHINGTON
You know Ash, I just became too worried about this. Let me have a look at the living room and parlor.
Mr. Worthington enters the rooms and takes a look.
That’s what I thought. I don’t really like the color. Is that the one I told you?
MR. ASH
Yes, that’s the color you said.
MR. WORTHINGTON
No. That’s not right. Listen, why don’t you stop working for today, and we’ll call it off.
MR. ASH
Oh no- call it off? We’re about half way finished with the job. We agreed on the entire interior. Should we do the rest of the upstairs bedroom? We already bought the new paint.
MR. WORTHINGTON
No, that’s alright.
MR. ASH
But we agreed on the paint-
MR. WORTHINGTON
That’ll be fine. I’ll just pay you for half of the job. That was only two weeks time.
MR. ASH
Ugh-! If you change your mind- let me know tomorrow.
MR. WORTHINGTON
Will do, Ash. Nick, get ready to go. That’s it for today, thanks for your help.
NICK
Sure, Mr. Ash. I’ll call you tomorrow.
NEXT DAY
Mr. Ash arrives at the Worthington house to collect his tools and supplies. Mr. Worthington answers the door and opens the garage.
Worthington garage.
MR. ASH
(Annoyed)
I’ve got to get everything out of your way here, let me pack up the rest of this. You’re sure about your decision? If you decide you’ll have me come back and finish the house it’s no problem.
MR. WORTHINGTON
Maybe I’ll make that decision. I’m glad you think it’s no problem.
MR. ASH
Now, Mr. Worthington I have got to tell you- I think you should pay me in full. This is an inconvenience to me and my employee.
MR. WORTHINGTON
No, I won’t.
MR. ASH
I’ll file a claim against you. There’s the matter of the cost of the paint-
MR. WORTHINGTON
I believe we had discussed that. You were to cover those expenses.
MR. ASH
It isn’t in writing, but that’s not what you said. I’ll argue against you in court!
MR. WORTHINGTON
You think it’s worth the argument? I’ll say it looked so crappy I wanted to burn the house down. You nearly did that with your cigarette butts that you left around.
MR. ASH
I guess I’ll be on my way. You might hear from me.
MR. WORTHINGTON
I think you should get going. I’m calling another contractor to finish the job. No hard feelings.
MR. ASH
Just my sense of pride in my work. I wanted to finish your home, but I won’t. I could’ve met a better home owner.
MR. WORTHINGTON
Good luck.
-
LOGLINE: JERRY STOLE A REAL ESTATE CLIENT FROM PHYLLIS
INT. REAL ESTATE COMPANY CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
At the monthly meeting of the company’s agents, the manager, HAYLEY, stands at the front of the room. Five trophies are on the desk in front of her.
JERRY strides in, looks around, spies an empty chair and sits down next to PHYLLIS.
Hayley looks up at Jerry then down at her wristwatch. She shakes her head.
JERRY
Well. Hi. Mind if I sit down?
PHYLLIS
Do I have a choice? Hm. Sure. Sit.
HAYLEY
I’d like to thank everyone for being here today, especially Jerry. I sent him a special invitation to today’s meeting for an extra special award I’ll announce just prior to handing out this year’s production trophies. This month’s topic is “ethics within the group,” a topic we all need reminding about periodically, some of us more than others from I hear. After the presentation, there is a special guest who will speak about this video. Let’s get started, shall we?
Hayley beams while waving her hand over the trophies. She punches a few buttons on her laptop and turns around to make sure the video displays correctly on the large screen TV.
A 5-minute video plays about courtesy, honesty, and agents helping each other. After the video ends, Hayley stands up, walks to the door, opens it, and steps back to allow JANICE to enter the room.
HAYLEY
Everyone. This is Janice Smith with the State Real Estate Ethics Committee. She’s here to relate a true-to-life event that, while perfectly legal, is against all ethical behavior we expect out of our agents. Janice?
JANICE
Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for having me here today. The story I’m about to tell you is true, much as I wish it weren’t. But it illustrates how ethics is just as important with coworkers as it is with clients. As a few of you know, I am in the process of moving to this great city and reached out to Phyllis, my collage roommate, to help me find a new home.
All eyes turn toward Phyllis. Phyllis nods slightly. Jerry’s face turns red. He slumps slightly in his seat.
JANICE
Two weeks ago, Phyllis and I were having lunch when we were joined by another agent. He sat down and we started talking. After finding out I was moving here and that I was single, this agent flirted outrageously and wound up asking me on a date. I was flattered and accepted. It didn’t take him long to offer to be my real estate agent. I told him I was already using Phyllis and even had a list of homes I was interested in, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I finally gave in and let him take me to all those homes. We spent days and days and drove hundreds of miles finding just the right place. Today, I would like to put on offer on that $5,000,000 property. Jerry?
Jerry stands up, beaming, and walks to the front of the room. He puts out his hand to shake with Phyllis. Phyllis, instead, reached into her jacket pocket, pulls out a Gift Card to the Iron Hill Brewery and hands it to Jerry. He looks at it quizzically.
JANICE
Here’s $25 to go drown your sorrows for a missed commission that was never yours to begin with.
Hayley stands up and walks purposely toward Jerry and Janice. She picks an envelope up off the table and hands it to Jerry.
HAYLEY
Here’s your license back. Go hang it at another real estate company. We don’t want you here.
Jerry, with a beet red face, takes the two items, stuffs then into his pocket, stomps out of the room and slams the door behind him.
JANICE
Phyllis. Let’s meet in your office after this meeting and draw up the papers, OK?
Phyllis, beaming, nods her head.
-
Joe’s Interest Scene
What learned doing this assignment that has improved my writing is I am able to use 20 of the 21 techniques in a single scene. It’s not a refined scene by any means, but it is a start.
Logline: General A agrees to meet General B in the gold mine they are fighting over, where each is sure they have the upper hand
Interest Technique Ideas:
Suspense: The two meet armed to the teeth, and place their weapons on the table between them
Major Twist: The mine entrance collapses, sealing them inside
Surprise: a guard from each side enters from the rear of the mine, holding drawn weapons on the other’s leader
More Interesting Setting: a gold mine on the moon
Mislead/Reveal: General B has a weapon attached to his back
Superior Position/Dramatic Irony: General A does also
Uncertainty/ Hope-Fear: the guards knock each other unconscious
Intrigue: General A’s husband is dying. She is revealed to be not a man but a woman. General B is having a sex change operation
Mystery: Is there still gold in the mine?
Cliffhanger: Will the generals reopen the mine or perish inside?
Dilemma: knock out the other and escape or join forces to dig themselves out
Something Unseen: Both sides/armies have conspired to make the cave in
Character:
Character changes radically: General B’s voice rises so sound more like a woman’s
Betrayal: Both armies agree to seal the mine
Dilemma: General A must decide if General B is lying about having a map of where the gold is, or kill him/her as planned.
Uncomfortable Moment: General B decides to leave but General A blocks their exit
Misinterpretation: Both generals interpret the cave-in as a natural event due to the mining techniques used previously
Dialogue
Hook: Put an end to a 200 year old war
Predictions: what happens here today will reverberate for a long time
Creating a Future: Setting our weapons aside means the end of a dark era
Anticipatory Dialogue: Are you willing to join me in ceasing all hostilities?
Interest Techniques sequenced to create scene beats:
More Interesting Setting: a gold mine on the moon
Suspense: The two meet armed to the teeth, and place their weapons on the table between them
Hook: Put an end to a 200 year old war
Predictions: what happens here today will reverberate for a long time
Creating a Future: Setting our weapons aside means the end of a dark era
Anticipatory Dialogue: Are you willing to join me in ceasing all hostilities?
Mystery: Is there still gold in the mine?
Major Twist: The mine entrance collapses, sealing them inside
Misinterpretation: Both generals interpret the cave-in as a natural event due to the mining techniques used previously
Surprise: a guard from each side enters from the rear of the mine, holding drawn weapons on the other’s leader
Uncertainty/ Hope-Fear: the guards knock each other unconscious
Mislead/Reveal: General B has a weapon attached to his back
Superior Position/Dramatic Irony: General A does also
Dilemma: General A must decide if General B is lying about having a map of where the gold is, or kill him/her as planned.
Character changes radically: General B’s voice rises so sound more like a woman’s
Intrigue: General A’s husband is dying. She is revealed to be not a man but a woman. General B is having a sex change operation
Something Unseen: Both sides/armies have conspired to make the cave in
Betrayal: Both armies agree to seal the mine
Dilemma: knock out the other and escape or join forces to dig themselves out
Cliffhanger: Will the generals reopen the mine or perish inside?
Scene:
EXT. MOON – DAY
INT. NOON CAVE – DAY
A table sits in dim candlelight. GENERAL AZ, dripping with medals and confidence, approaches from cave entrance. GENERAL ZON, big and bad, approaches from deep inside the cave’s dark. Both armed to the teeth.
GENERAL AZ
Finally we meet. You’re alone?
Bey nods. Points at the table.
GENERAL BEY
Weapons.
GENERAL AZ
Together.
Each pulls a half dozen deadly devices from all over and under their uniforms. The desk groans under the weight.
GENERAL BEY
Two hundred years of war over a mineral.
GENERAL AZ
Gold is more than just a mineral, my friend. What happens here today will reverberate through earth’s history for another two hundred years.
GENERAL BEY
The end of a dark era. Potentially.
Bey relaxes.
GENERAL AZ
“Ceasing all hostilities,” is the phrase the pundits use. Can it really happen?
GENERAL BEY
Depends what happens here today. So. We simply abandon the mine and all its gold?
GENERAL BEY
I doubt there is enough left here to be of use to anyone anyway.
The mine entrance collapses. The two rush to the site. Dust overpowers them. They step back.
GENERAL BEY
Your foolish mining techniques! I KNEW something like this would happen!
GENERAL AZ
OUR techniques? Your army is what used the bombs from the last century–
GENERAL BEY
They worked, didn’t they?
A sound from the darkness behind the table. The two head back to the candle there, the only source of light. Two GUARDS, one from each side by their uniform, take a stand beside their general, weapons drawn on the other’s general.
GENERAL AZ
Shall we continue hostilities, then?
At a nod from each general, both guards lower their weapons. Then Az’s aims his at the other guard. Then Bey’s aims hers at the other.
GENERAL BEY
Guns down, both of you. We are negotiating. Hopefully you won’t need them ever again.
(to General Az)
I have a map, you know. Of the last mother lode here on the moon.
The guards drop their guns on the pile. Bey’s guard glances at General Az. The two guards glare at each other.
BEY’S GUARD
I saw it…
She throws the first punch. In a second each has knocked the other unconscious.
GENERAL BEY
Saw what, I wonder, Az?
GENERAL AZ
Probably…this.
He pulls a gun from a strap on his back.
GENERAL BEY
So this meeting was never about a truce.
GENERAL AZ
What would you do with your portion of the gold?
Bey smiles. Pulls off their cap. Long hair cascades down his shoulders.
GENERAL BEY
(in a woman’s voice)
My husband needs a new heart. The black market has one.
GENERAL AZ
You’re a WOMAN?
GENERAL BEY
Everyone knows a woman wouldn’t have made it this far without pretending to be a man. And you? Are the rumors true?
GENERAL AZ
Another sex change operation. I will be returning to my original gender. As you say, how far can we get in this man’s world? Anyway, the map please?
General Bey pulls out a gun from a strap behind her back.
GENERAL BEY
Not today. But on to more pressing matters, let’s see if we can get out of here.
Both put down their guns, pick up radios from the table, and call.
GENERAL AZ
(into radio)
Corporal, dig me out.
GENERAL BEY
So the cave-in was planned! Why?
GENERAL AZ
A little extra pressure goes a long way at the negotiating table.
GENERAL BEY
But your men are digging out both of us.
GENERAL AZ
No. Just me. You can rot in here. A just sentence for someone who extended this war to meet their own needs.
GENERAL BEY
Then my men will dig me out. What about you? Your needs?
GENERAL AZ
That’s different.
(into radio)
Corporal! Get me out now!
EXT. MOON – CONTINUOUS
Two officers, one from each side, stand at the entrance, the Corporal on the radio.
CORPORAL
I’m sorry, General; I can’t do that. We up here have agreed that neither of you is worth the trouble of digging out. We’re leaving here as soon as we can pack up and head back to earth. As far as we are concerned, you died in a cave in.
INT. MOON CAVE – CONTINUOUS
The Generals gaze at each other.
GENERAL BEY
We have two hours of air. If we can dig out, we can call for help from the moon’s surface, even if the armies have abandoned us. These boulders are heavy. Alone, we don’t have a chance.
-
Carolyn’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is…this was really fun! I had an easy time putting together a simple, quick scene just by brainstorming each interest technique and having a list to choose from.
Logline: Dabney accuses Chandra of stealing from the office petty cash box and fires her. She shows up at his house that night while he hosts a dinner party to ask for her job back. When he refuses, she reveals their affair to his wife.
Interest Technique Ideas:
Suspense, surprise, twist
Scene:
EXT. HOUSE – NIGHT
A tree-lined suburban street of stately homes and manicured lawns. One house in particular is brightly lit with many cars parked in front. A young couple, elegantly dressed, laugh gaily as they walk to the door and ring the bell. A short, balding, middle-aged man wearing a tuxedo opens the door with a glass of champagne in his hand. He is DABNEY.
A car pulls up and parks. CHANDRA, a beautiful and sexy 28 year old woman wearing shorts and a hoodie zipped halfway up and stretched tight across her chest approaches the house and rings the doorbell.
A moment later it opens. Dabney still holds a champagne glass and is looking behind him.
DAB
That was two BMW’s ago, my dear, when I hit the old lady!
He laughs with the others then turns to the door with a smile. It fades fast when he sees Chandra.
DAB (CONT)
What the effing hell, Chandra. What are you doing here?
CHANDRA
Please take me back.
Dabney steps outside. He closes the door behind him, but leaves it ajar.
DAB
We’ve been through this.
CHANDRA
I didn’t steal the fucking money, Dabney.
Chandra rubs herself against Dabney, pushing him against the door. It opens and Dabney falls onto the entryway floor. Chandra lands on top of him.
INT. ENTRYWAY – NIGHT
A large area with marble floors and a center staircase.
A good looking teenage boy with a backpack slung over his shoulder descends the staircase. He is CARL.
CARL
Dad?
Dabney moans, still clutching the now empty champagne glass.
Carl drops his backpack and pulls Chandra off his father. Chandra and Carl’s eyes meet.
CARL
Chandra?
CHANDRA
Oh hey, Carl. How’s it hanging?
Carl instantly blushes.
CARL
It’s good, it’s good.
DAB
(scowling)
Aren’t you going to help your old man up?
Carl pulls Dabney onto his feet.
CARL
What happened?
DAB
Nothing! I slipped and fell.
Dabney tries to take a drink from an empty champagne glass.
CHANDRA
I was reaching in for a hello kiss and went down on him.
Carl looks at his father with surprise. Dabney blushes, Chandra is oblivious.
CARL
Oh yeah?
DAB
(angrily to Carl)
Weren’t you on your way out?
A petite blonde about 40 years old walks in. She is AVERY.
AVERY
Honey, I heard the doorbell, but you never came back –
She sees Chandra.
AVERY
(Shocked)
Chandra!
Avery looks around hopeful, yet anxious.
AVERY (CONT)
Are you alone?
Carl hasn’t taken his eyes off Chandra.
CARL
Would you like a glass of champagne?
CHANDRA
I’d love it.
Carl walks past Avery.
AVERY
I thought you were going out.CARL
Later.He walks away.
CHANDRA
You know, while I have Avery here…
DABNEY
Shut up!
Avery looks out the open door to see if someone is in the yard.
AVERY
What is it? Oh God. Just tell me.
DABNEY
Nothing!CHANDRA
Liar!
AVERY
Look, I’m sorry!CHANDRA
Sorry for what?DABNEY
Avery doesn’t need to know!
AVERY
What don’t I need to know?
The three of them pause and look at one another.
Carl walks up with two glasses of champagne. He hands one to Chandra. They clink and sip while Carl devours Chandra with his eyes.
CHANDRA
Dabney fired me this afternoon.
CARL & AVERY
What? No! Why?
DABNEY
Never mind, it’s an office affair.
Chandra chortles.
CHANDRA
I’ll say. You’re just trying to get rid of me.
AVERY
Get rid of you? Why Dabney? Chandra is lovely! Her husband, charming!
Dabney snatches the champagne glass from Chandra.
DABNEY
I’ve had enough of this. I must be getting back to my guests. Goodbye.Dabney walks away. Chandra yells after him.
CHANDRA
You think just because I’m married I’ll stay quiet and let you fire me. Well you’re wrong!
Dabney turns around. He faces Chandra squarely in the face.
DABNEY
She’s a thief, Avery. Don’t listen to her.
CHANDRA
There’s a ring of freckles around Dabney’s left nipple. Dark. Almost cherry. 5 of them perfectly spaced apart. I thought it was a tattoo, but he said, no.
Avery has a look of horror. She begins to collapse.
AVERY
Oh my God.
Carl shoves his champagne glass into Chandra’s hand and catches his mother.
CARL
Mom! Dad, how could you?
DABNEY
(to Avery)
It’s not true. I told her about my freckles – she never saw them! -We were drunk. It was at the Christmas party, remember? You were there, you were talking to Chandra’s husband in the corner for hours…
CHANDRA
We fucked twice. Both times in the copy room closet. Hot. Sweaty. Quick in and out.
Dabney shakes his head.
CHANDRA (CONT)
Just the way we like it, right Dabs?
DABNEY
(to Avery)
She’s right, I have been trying to get rid of her! She came on to me! I mean, look at her! She won’t leave me alone. But nothing ever happened. I swear.
Laughter swells from the party room. Someone must’ve told a damn good joke.
CHANDRA
Just this morning you told me you loved me!
(to Avery)
He took me to the cafeteria and bought me a bialy and coffee. Sweet, huh?
CARL
I was wondering where you guys were. I came in and nobody was around.
DABNEY
You were at the office today?
CARL
Yep. I needed a couple hundred for my surf lessons. I took it out of petty cash. Guess I should have left a note.
Avery’s phone rings. She gasps when she sees who it is.
DABNEY
Who is it?
Avery shrugs, but her expression is one of fear.
AVERY
No one, my mother. It’s nothing.
CARL
Grandma’s alive? You told me she died 5 years ago!
AVERY
I meant my Mona! My manicurist Mona.
Avery takes the call.
AVERY
I can’t talk right now. What? Wait, let me hit the volume.
Avery fumbles with the phone and turns on the speaker by mistake.
MAN’S VOICE
Chandra’s home all day tomorrow, I don’t think I can get away. Oh God, Avery, I can’t stop thinking about you.
CHANDRA
(eyes wide)
Burt?
BURT (O.S.)
Chandra?
Avery screams and throws the phone out the front door that is still wide open.
-
Tom’s Interest Scene
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s fun to hide Interest Techniques to maximize meaning in my screenwriting.
Logline: Aggressive financier Donald, who operates a multi-billion-dollar hedge fund, is fed up listening to administrative assistant Maria’s financial advice and in a fit of rage fires her and says she won’t get her annual bonus. She says she’s fed up with his sexual advances. Cleans out her desk. Next day he finds an email that says billionaire Melvin will ring the New York Stock Exchange IPO bell tomorrow morning launching the hottest global wi-fi satellite network. That evening Donald spots Maria at an exclusive eatery with much touted entrepreneur Melvin.
Interest technique ideas: surprise; alternate hope and fear; suspense; intrigue; dramatic irony; uncertainty; intrigue; something unseen.
Scene:
INT. RESTAURANT LADIES ROOM – NIGHT
MARIA enters the first toilet stall. She comes face to face with DONALD who wears a woman’s blonde wig.
Maria starts to scream. Donald puts his hand over her mouth.
DONALD
No worries. I’m harmless. How much
is Melvin’s offering price at tomorrow’s IPO?She elbows him in the groin. He doubles over. Thrashes, gasps about on the floor. Deflated of breath.
MARIA
Why would I tell you, Moron.DONALD
Make. It. Worth. Your. While.
MARIA
You’re the one said you know everything before it happens.DONALD
I lied. Will his IPO really be as
big as Facebook?MARIA
Yes. Like I told you but you wouldn’t listen.
DONALD
Oh, my God! It’s a Red Alert.He pulls out his phone.
She grabs it from his hand.
MARIA
It’s also inside information.DONALD
I want in on the action. In line with
his pals for the first buy at ground zero tomorrow.MARIA
How much is it worth to not report you?DONALD
How about your job back?MARIA
My ass still has bruises from sex on your desk. No thanks.DONALD
How about a million in cash?
MARIA
How about 10 million into my Caribbean account.DONALD
You’re dreaming.DONALD
Chump change compared to what you’ll make.The outer door opens and two women enter.
Maria pulls Donald up on to the toilet and closes the stall door.
This time Maria’s hand is over Donald’s mouth.
The two women finish their business and exit.
Maria steps out of the stall and starts to exit.
DONALD
Your best offer?She stops, closes the door.
MARIA
Eight mill.
DONALD
Five. No mas.
MARIA
Seven million. No menos.He reluctantly nods. Tickles his iPhone.
DONALD
What’s the number?She rattles off her offshore bank account number.
He keys it in. Stops. Looks at her.
DONALD
Before I hit Send, how do I know you’re telling the truth.MARIA
Swear to God. My mother’s grave. My first born?
He hits Send. Looks up. Sees in the mirror her fingers are crossed behind her back.
His eyes jump back to his cell. It’s too late.
She holds up her hand and uncrosses her fingers.
MARIA
Just kidding.DONALD
Okay. It’s your turn. Where’s proof I’m in?MARIA
As soon as it arrives in my account.She steps out of the stall. Checks her phone. Suddenly grins.
Donald picks himself up. Dusts himself off. Exits the stall.
He discovers he’s alone in the ladies’ room.
He rushes out to the dining area. Maria’s nowhere in sight.
He scurries over to MELVIN who dines with two expensively suited men.
DONALD
Melvin. Congrats on your IPO tomorrow. So soon.Melvin frowns at his two companions.
MELVIN
I wish. We still got weeks of red tape.DONALD
Did Maria leave?Melvin squints at Donald.
MELVIN
You’re the punk that lady said abused her. She begged me to protect her.Melvin nods. A six-foot-four knuckle dragger puts an arm around Donald.
MELVIN
Ensure the gentleman doesn’t have an
accident running too fast down the back steps. #
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