Day 24 Assignment

[Arial Burnz]

Subject: Arial’s Missing Scenes

What I learned doing this assignment is…that this story came together a lot better than I originally planned! How about that?

New Occupations

Well, for starters, I changed a few things regarding the characters and their vocations. The antagonist got downgraded from a Baron’s daughter to a Lord’s daughter, making it more appropriate for her to have a job as an apprentice as a seamstress. Then I gave my heroine/protagonist the same job. The love interest of the heroine also got downgraded to a merchant’s son and delivers the textiles to the dress shop, so this is how the three of them know each other and why they have a history together.

Heroine is Pregnant

I also added that Aylen, the protag, finds out after she is in prison that she’s pregnant. Although they stop with her beatings and up her food intake to be sure the baby is healthy when it’s born, but she won’t be able to keep it. She has her daughter long enough to see a birthmark on her abdomen and she is able to give the baby the charm she received from her parents. A goddess charm of Damia and on the back is the inscription You Are My Magic. The baby is torn from her arms and this is what breaks Aylen’s spirit in prison.

Antagonists Get a Promotions

I also upped the ante with the antagonists. Kylantha will kill her father and new step mother, who are the new king and queen of Solinta and inherit the throne. She will now be Queen and a powerful mage. But Qiren, who has blackmailed his way to a seat on the council to the throne, will witness the murder and now have something against the queen to ensure his survival. The former queen (Key’s step-mother) was actually his mother! And Tanyth now owns the dress shop and uses it as a front for selling secrets he gets from Qiren. They both had a hand in putting Aylen in jail in partnership with Kylantha. These three are very connected and have a lot of crap on each other.

Love Interest Job Change

Dylan moves to Thallan to get away from Kylantha and becomes a Soldier of Fortune, bringing in bad guys for bounties. But Key still has her eye on Dylan, hoping to eventually woo him into her bed. He won’t budge, though. His heart was broken when he lost the love of his life, Aylen, who he believes is dead.

Aylen’s Mentor Dies Earlier

Instead of letting Syndra live longer than what Alexander Dumas had in his novel (Abbe Faria died in prison before they could escape), I decided to let her get as far as the shores of the prison island. But she won’t make it off the island and passes a medallion on to Aylen, which will not only give her the passage to attend the Lyceum of Havencrest to learn magic, but it also contains a magical hologram of the map to the goblin king’s treasure.

Aylen’s Friend Gwen Almost Turns Her In

Still working this scene out, but Gwen (my version of Jacopo) almost turns Aylen in for a reward because Aylen has obviously escaped the prison. But I need to work out how Gwen will end up being beholden to Aylen. I want Aylen to save her life or spare her or something.

Dylan’s Friend the Chief Prefect Meets Aylen and Gwen

Dylan’s friend the Chief Prefect in Thallan runs into Aylen and Gwen at the tavern where they frequent. Having heard Dylan’s story of his lost love Aylen, the name obviously catches his attention.

Changing the Name of the Movie

I think I’m going to stick with a similar name instead of the Sorceress of Amon Fae. I’ve changed the location of the treasure. It is now in the Crystal Mountains, so Aylen will take on the name and title the Countess of Monte Cristal. I think it will draw more attention than the other unknown title.

Aylen has a Coming Out Party for Gwen

As Countess, she has a coming out party and announces Gwen as her ward, which is a new tearful moment for these two women. Aylen and Gwen have become close. She isn’t a servant to her as I had originally planned, but more like a daughter, and Aylen’s way of making up for the daughter she lost. Gwen, being an orphan, embraces the role happily. This element definitely added more emotional connection to these two women.

Revenge Plan!

I finally ironed out the revenge plan! Aylen will use Tanyth to get to Qiren, who she’ll use to get to Key. AND to get Dylan into the revenge plot, she’s going to use him as the soldier of fortune to bring Tanyth to task for the debts she purchased using her thieves guild connections through Gwen and their friends. However, Kylantha will throw a wrench into works and take both of them out. This is what will give her the upper hand against Aylen.

Aylen’s Daughter is…GWEN!

I believe I may have included this tidbit in my previous assignment about the resolution, but I didn’t really write out how this would ripple across the other scenes. But it’s hopefully a nice surprise for the readers. Gwen will have the Damia charm and the inscription will give Aylen the extra boost she needs to take out Kylantha: You Are My Magic. The love of a mother and daughter will be that magic that overcomes her enemy.