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Day 24 Assignments
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Key Scene 4: Resolution
What I learned writing this lesson: I suspect I’m going to end up taking the “great endings” class, because I’m not thoroughly happy with this one. We’ve watched my protagonist go from being a hothead, unconcerned for his own safety or that of his crew, albeit successful in the first -order accounting of his effectiveness as an officer (he sinks a lot of the enemy’s ships in spite of himself). He’s learned to be more mature, more patient. He knows violence must come suddenly, and overwhelmingly, not at random times and places. He is less angry, more disciplined. so he’s a better warrior. Here I give him a chance to show what he’s learned to some incoming skippers, some of whom are presumably as “wet behind the ears” as he was a few months prior. So I can imagine a rewrite. But this is the 20% level, and now I’ll have to get busy rewriting.
OUTLINE
Hart is in the chow hall talking to his XO. Agrees that Cuccinelli has matured a lot
Hart calls Cuccinelli to his office, tells him he’s decided he’s proved himself and can stay. In fact, there are 3 new skippers coming in this afternoon, you’re in charge of training them
Cuccinelli sees PBY land and 3 brand shiny new ensigns get off
Cuccinelli gathers them together, starts with “what is a warrior?”
FADE OUT
SCENE
INT-CHOW HALL – DAY
HART is chatting with his XO. The question of Cuccinelli comes up. XO says “he’s grown up a lot, Commander. I would prefer to not lose him. His recent conversion even makes him an ideal candidate to train new skippers”.
HART grumbles but reluctantly agrees.
EXT- OFFICER’S QUARTERS – DAY
CUCCINELLI is approached by a sailor.
SAILOR “sir, the Commander has asked to see you immediately”.
CUCCINELLI thinks to himself “what now?” but gets pulled together and starts to walk to the Commander’s office.
CUCCINELLI “reporting as ordered, sir”.
HART “CUCCINELLI, you have been a problem since you got to this squadron. You have been a thorn in my side for months. In spite of that, you’ve sunk as many Jap boats as anyone else in the squadron. In spite of my orders, you have gone off half-cocked on a number of occasions. There’s a PBY landing here this afternoon, and there are three shiny new ensigns on it. And your new assignment is to whip those young men into warriors”.
CUCCINELLI “thank you for the opportunity, sir”.
HART “dismissed”
As CUCCINELLI leaves the commander’s office, he sees a PBY circling the lagoon and start preparing to come in for a landing. Ten minutes later, the flying boat is tying up at the dock, and off come three shiny new ensigns.
CUCCINELLI greets them and says “you’re here to be warriors, gentlemen. You’re going to have a ball.”
FADE OUT
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What I’m learning most about doing this assignment is really brainstorming missing scenes. I’ve thought of one in particular but still working on them:
Missing Scene 1 – Tina talks to Jayla about Barry
Beginning: Tina gets Jayla back and she wonders why Tina kicked him out.
Middle: Tina explains to Jayla that Barry is not a nice man, and she shouldn’t see him as a “dad.”
End: Jayla understands.
INT. CAR – NIGHT
Tina sees Jayla standing on the street corner shivering. She quickly pulls over to her. Jayla gets in the car and Tina drives off.
TINA: Don’t you ever run away like that again!
JAYLA: I’m sorry.
TINA: I’m glad he didn’t hurt you. Running after this man like he’s your daddy and –
JAYLA: He is!
TINA: No, he’s not!
JAYLA: Yes, he is, and you pushed him away.
Tina pulls over and parks. Jayla’s a little scared.
TINA: Barry’s not a nice guy, Jayla. There’re things you don’t know about him. Grown up things.
JAYLA: Like what?
TINA: He’s not nice to little girls. I mean, he is in a way, but he can change. He’s not like a father. He’s like…
JAYLA: Oh no, like Mr. Nelson?
TINA: Who’s Mr. Nelson?
JAYLA: There was this girl at my summer camp last year. Melanie. She said Mr. Nelson, a teacher at her school, touched her. Her parents got him fired.
TINA: You didn’t tell me any of this…
JAYLA: Well, you were busy dating Tito then. I didn’t think you would really care.
Tina is hurt.
TINA: I’m so sorry, Jayla. I exposed you and Daylen to guys that weren’t the best.
JAYLA: Who are you gonna date now?
TINA: No one, baby, no one. I just want to spend time with you and your brother.
Jayla smiles.
JAYLA: Okay, Mommy.
Tina hugs Jayla.
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Angelina Fluehler – Fillled In Missing Scenes!
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Filled in few missing scenes.
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M.M.’s Filled in Missing Scenes – Act 4
What I learned is to go back and add scenes before rewriting the first draft.
These scenes before the wedding create the tension where Emilio builds resentment towards Bella, whom he holds responsible. His jealousy of Luke and Bella’s friendship has been working overtime.
INT. DEAN’S OFFICE – DAY
The Dean expels Emilio from the university.
Emilio protests this will hurt his MLB chances.
The general counsel for the university explains he can still go through the draft and doesn’t need to finish college.
The Dean tells him Coach Matt is waiting for him. Emilio sulks as he exits.
INT. COACH MATT’S OFFICE – DAY
Matt kicks Emilio from the team.
Emilio makes the same arguments about hurting him as an MLB draft pick. They fall on deaf ears.
Matt stands to shake Emilio’s hand and thanks him for a good job during the season. Emilio tosses his chair across the room and storms out.
EXT. COLLEGE LIBRARY – DAY
Luke and Bella are talking while sitting on a bench outside the library.
Emilio walks up to them and grabs Bella’s hand.
BELLA: Where did you come from? Did something happen?
EMILIO (glaring at Luke): Ask your buddy. He did it.
LUKE: Me? What are you talking about?
EMILIO: Don’t act like you don’t know. I know. And now you know I know. Bella, let’s go grab a bite.
BELLA: See you Luke.
As they walk away Bella turns to Emilio.
BELLA: How in the world did you find me here? Or was it just a lucky coincidence?
Emilio pulls out his cell. A tracking app blinks where they are standing. She looks at her cell. Turns it off. The app continues to run.
EMILIO: Want to make sure you’re safe at all times. You aren’t mad are you?
BELLA: No, but I wish you would have told me.
They walk to his car in the parking lot. Emilio turns to her.
EMILIO: Mind if I just take you home? I’m not feeling okay.
Bella puts her hand on his shoulder.
BELLA: No problem. I’m happy I got to see you today.
INT. EMILIO’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Emilio paces the room, picks up a lamp and throws it against the wall, breaking it into a million pieces. He grabs his cell and punches in the numbers.
EMILIO: Mommy? This is all her fault. Her buddy Luke convinced his dad to drop me from the team. Then the coach talked the dean into kicking me out. I just made one mistake. That’s all. I got mad. Sometimes I get mad. It didn’t mean anything.
Emilio breaks down, crying and feeling sorry for himself. His knees buckle and he drops to the floor, wiping his eyes.
INTERCUT APARTMENT/LUXURIOUS POOL DECK – NIGHT
Inez tries to calm her son.
INEZ: Calm down and listen to Mommy. I’ll take care of it. And if they don’t want you back in school or the team, you’re moving on to bigger and better things. You send a house full of flowers to that girl and make sure the wedding is still on. I have big plans for you, son.
Added a scene to show Bella after filing charges against Emilio coming to the realization of how much she cares for Luke, much more than just as a friend.
INT. MALL – DAY
PLACEHOLDER – MONTAGE – SHOPPING MALL
Luke takes Bella to the mall. They stop in a few women’s boutiques and bought Bella new clothes. Then they go to the baby stores and buy baby furniture and clothes. He agrees with her choices and Bella feels secure and validated in her decisions.
While shopping, Bella sneaks glances at him enjoying being with her. and her laughing and being so happy with him. She beams with pride at being with him when the salesgirl flirts with him.
I added scenes to show Bella’s commitment to her own pregnancy as well as to the pro life movement.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
Bella builds a new life for herself as a volunteer with ProLife America.
EXT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Bella volunteers with ProLife America to join prayer groups outside the abortion clinic.
Through the fence, she befriends a young woman hesitating about having an abortion and shows how pregnant she is and her ultrasound. The woman changes her mind.
The abortion clinic director screams at Bella for interfering with their business.
The young woman drives out, then parks on the street and joins the prayer group, hugging Bella for helping her not make the biggest mistake of her life.
INT. PROLIFE AMERICA OFFICE – DAY
The director praises Bella’s courage and offers her a full-time position with as much time off as she needs for the baby.
Bella happily accepts, knowing she has found a real home that loves her and her baby.
Top of Form
Bottom of Form
I added scenes to show the escalating violent nature of Emilio to lead up to the climax. He is out of control at this point, hiring a PI to track Bella so he knows where to find her.
I also added Bella and Luke in the scene to show that they have become even closer since Emilio was arrested.
EXT. EMILIO/BELLA’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Back from weeks of team practice out of town, Emilio walks into the bedroom, and notices a draw in the dresser is partially open. He looks in and sees some of Bella’s clothes.
It triggers him, and he pulls the drawer out and throws it against the wall, splitting the sheet rock.
He calms down long enough to make a phone call.
FEMALE VOICE: (VO) Hillside private investigations. How can we help you today?
EMILIO: Get me Tony on the phone. Emilio Sanchez here.
(a beat)
Tony? Where is she?
He listens a moment and slams the phone down.
Enraged, he jumps in his sports car.
INT. EMILIO’S SPORTS CAR, MOVING – NIGHT
Emilio heads for Luke’s house.
He drives slowly by the high stucco security fence, peering through the wrought iron gate. He glares at Luke and Bella through a large window.
They arrange furniture and toys in a baby’s room, laughing and talking together. She is very pregnant.
Emilio punches his fist on the steering wheel, then parks next door and jumps out of the car.
EXT. LUKE’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Emilio parks and walks up to the gate. As he puts his hand on the handle, security lights turn on and alarms go off. He hides behind the fence.
Luke presses a button and the shades descend closing off any view into the rooms. He is on the phone.
LUKE: Yes. Password is “crazy fastball”. Looks like someone tried to break in through the gate.
Within a minute, private security sirens approach.
Emilio rushes back to his car and drives off.
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Carol Dougherty’s Filled in Missing Scenes
What I learned doing this assignment: There are a lot of missing scenes, and I’m not completely sure they are all essential. It’s a lot of work, but I think it makes most sense to write them, put them in the screenplay, and then see what works and what doesn’t.
Outlines:
Act 2 scenes
Kate spills the beans
BEGINNING: Kate inadvertently uncovers Pen’s relationship with Danni.
MIDDLE: Terry flips out when he realizes Pen and Danni were lovers.
END: Terry storms out and Pen is terrified he won’t come back.
Terry returns
BEGINNING: Terry shows up at Pen’s door a few days later
MIDDLE: They talk about Danni and about why he was so upset, and she was frightened to tell him.
END: Terry tells Pen he is glad Danni knew love with Pen before she died.
Opening night follies
BEGINNING: Kate visits Pen in her dressing room after the opening night performance.
MIDDLE: Kate has had a little too much to drink and makes a pass at Kate, which she gently deflects.
END: Kate sees the vase of roses from Sam and the note, which makes clear their relationship is still on, and leaves, upset.
Michael gets caught
BEGINNING: Pen catches Michael flirting with Laurence behind Terry’s back.
MIDDLE: She threatens Michael that he better not hurt Terry.
END: Michael laughs and walks away.
Morning after
BEGINNING: Kate is hungover and embarrassed when she sees Pen.
MIDDLE: Pen wants to know why Kate was drinking so much, and finally realizes it was about her. She is confused, because she told Kate about Sam. Kate admits she hoped Pen would drop him and choose her.
END: Terry interrupts to see if Kate drank his home remedy. She goes inside and Pen watches her with longing.
Day at the track
BEGINNING: Pen, Terry, Kate, and Michael are in the box at the track, waiting for Sam to show up – they are his guests.
MIDDLE: Sam shows up and shortly after, so do his wife and teenage son. The son is upset at Pen being there and throws a glass of wine at her. Kate steps in front of Pen and her white shirt is covered with red wine.
END: They leave Sam to his wife and son.
Terry checks in
BEGINNING: Terry visits Pen in her dressing room before the matinee.
MIDDLE: He wants to see how she is after her encounter with Kate the night before. Pen doesn’t want to talk about it.
END: Terry asks her if she is in love with Kate and she refuses to answer.
Sam is oblivious
BEGINNING: Sam arrives shortly after Terry leaves.
MIDDLE: Pen tries to talk about his wife and son, and he wants to dismiss it. She suggests they take a break, and he becomes furious that she would break up with him.
END: Sam storms out and says he’ll sell the farm and she and Terry will have to leave.
Another breakup
BEGINNING: Pen hears voices, then breaking glass in the garden.
MIDDLE: She sees and overhears a fight between Terry and Michael. They break up. Terry is heartbroken and Pen goes out to comfort him.
END: Kate shows up and she and Pen work together to help Terry.
Act 3 scenes
Sebastian calls
BEGINNING: Sebastian calls Pen.
MIDDLE: He tells her Ben (dog) died for no apparent reason other than heartbreak over Terry’s death. He also tells her he wants her to two parts in the upcoming season and what they are. She says she’ll let him know. Asks how Kate took her letter. Not well, he says.
END: After Sebastian hangs up, Pen fills Sarah in.
Christmas with Sarah
BEGINNING: Sarah and Pen exchange gifts Christmas morning.
MIDDLE: Sarah gives her a box from Sebastian – it has gifts and letters from him and Kate. Kate wants to talk with her, even briefly. Pen puts the letter in the fire. She tells Sarah she can’t right now. She says she may want to stay in England permanently.
END: Pen says she has to go to Sevenoaks and finish what she came for.
Sevenoaks first visit to thicket
BEGINNING: Pen goes to the thicket of trees where she and Terry spent so much time, and later Danni as well.
MIDDLE: She remembers moments with Terry and Danni, thinks about Sarah’s words about forgiving herself for what she couldn’t fix.
END: Pen goes back to hotel to finally go through her mother’s possessions.
Treasure trove
BEGINNING: Pen opens the box that holds the remainder of her mother’s things.
MIDDLE: She finds clippings and reviews of her father’s performances and a few with her mother before they married. She finds pictures of the three of them and letters from her dad when he was out on tour. She realizes her mother was happy at one time and loved her dad. She became bitter when she could no longer act because Pen was born.
END: Pen feels as if she knows her parents in a way she never did, and it feels like her father has come back to her, in a way.
The call
BEGINNING: Pen calls Sebastian and talks to him about the upcoming season.
MIDDLE: They work out the details, he lets her know the farm will be ready for her and lets her know Kate will be his full-time assistant director.
END: Pen gets off the phone and determines to let Kate know she loves her when she is back in the States.
First read-through
BEGINNING: Pen goes to the first read-through of Private Lives
MIDDLE: She is polite to Michael, Kate is polite to her, and most people seem to be pleased she’s back. Every time she looks at Michael, she is furious on Terry’s behalf, but she hides it.
END: Michael corners her at the end of the read-through and asks if they can talk privately.
Talk with Michael
BEGINNING: Pen listens to what Michael has to say.
MIDDLE: She tells him she doesn’t need to explain why she will work with him, all he needs to know is that she will, and that she’ll be professional about it.
END: Pen leaves him there.
Rehearsal with Michael
BEGINNING: Rehearsal begins.
MIDDLE: Michael and Pen work well together. They find some depth that Pen and Terry hadn’t found in the play, which upsets her.
END: Pen leaves immediately after rehearsal.
After rehearsal
BEGINNING: Sebastian and Kate come by the farm after Pen’s abrupt departure.
MIDDLE: They understand she is upset because she feels disloyal to Terry. Both argue Terry would love the work she is doing.
END: Pen is reassured. Tells them she’d like to do a company picnic before opening night to relax everyone.
Company picnic
BEGINNING: People arrive, get food, talk
MIDDLE: Pen gives out gifts from Terry’s theatre memorabilia to everyone.
END: Pen feels like she’s beginning to be part of the company.
Why these scenes: This screenplay is being adapted from a novel. I’ve made many cuts, but these scenes are part of continuing the flow of the story, the causality of the core story, and I don’t think right now I can cut them until they are all in a complete draft. The only additional scenes I have not yet incorporated are the final five scenes listed. They are all in Act 4 and I know at least two of them must be there but for now, I’m leaving them out.
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