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Day 25 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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9 Replies
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Rebecca’s Cycle 5 Feedback Exchange
REWRITTEN SCENE:
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
It’s 4AM, car headlights enter a parking lot behind a high rise apartment building in a dangerous seedy area of the city. The car parks in a section with blown out lights.
INT. CAR – CONT.
PHILLIP, early twenties and preppy, shuts down the engine; BRANDY, slightly younger (blonde hair blue eyes), exits the car. She checks out the empty lot and hops into the back seat.
BRANDY
Phillip, you’ll be more comfortable back here.
She pats the back seat and runs her fingers through the hairs up the back of his neck.
PHILLIP
Why did your brother pick this place and awful hour?
BRANDY
He said all the night people pass out, and very few people in public housing head out for jobs this early. It’s quiet and peaceful
. I’m lonely back here by myself. Please.
Phillip caves and joins her in the backseat. Brandy curls up close to him.
PHILLIP
You sure he’ll show?
BRANDY
He said between 4 and 4:30. How long will you be good?
PHILLIP
Two hours.
Brandy kisses him deep and snuggles closer. Phillip puts his arm around her shoulders.
BRANDY
Philip, I was thinking.
PHILIP
That could be dangerous for you.
They both laugh.
BRANDY
(Still chuckling)
Seriously! When do I get to meet your mother? I’ve never met a Senator before.
Phillip cringes slightly
PHILLIP
Mom’s only a state senator. This will be my last hit. I promise.
Perhaps, at graduation.
Phillip smiles, Brandy brightens.
BRANDY
I can’t wait? I’ve never been close to a celebrity or anyone as rich and put together as your mother.
Phillip fakes a smile before turning serious.
PHILLIP
Bran, my habit, it’s just between you and me. Don’t ever reveal my real name, not even to your brother. If the press found out they’d have a field day. It would ruin my mom. Promise me. If I keep up my grades, I can finish first in my class. Only a month to graduation. Afterwards, I’ll get clean. Things will be good for me, for us.
Phillip shoots her a sincere loving look.
BRANDY
Sweetheart, I love you. I would never ever snitch on you to anyone. You should know that.
She picks up his hand and places it over her heart and connects with his eyes. They remain like that for a few beats. Brandy removes her sweater, no bra underneath. She replaces his hand and holds in place with hers.
BRANDY
You want to, you know, while we wait? Ever do it in the back seat?
Phillip removes both hands, kisses hers, and checks out the parking lot.
PHILLIP
No, I prefer the comfort of privacy of my bed. What if your brother catches us?
BRANDY
Danny never runs on time. (seductive look) Come on I’ll make it fun.
She unbuttons Phillips shirt and runs her hands over his chest. Phillip begins to warm. She moves down towards his jeans and unzips them. He responds.
BRANDY
Pleasure me, honey, make me sing.
A bright light flashes into the front seat and then blinds the couple. They jump apart and hurriedly rearrange their clothes.
They hear a tap on the window.
BRANDY (whispering)
Oh shit, Danny.
A second flashlight beams in on them and they hear voices. Fear freezes on Brandy’s face. Could it be thugs? Someone tries the door on Phillips side, finds it unlocked, and opens it. The man with the flashlight beams the light on himself. The flashlight on the other side of the car illuminates the partially dressed Phillip and Brandy. It’s the POLICE.
OFFICER 1
Get out of the car NOW.
Brandy zaps on her sweater. Phillip zips his jeans. The both exit the car. The second officer joins the group and stands between the couple and the car.
OFFICER 1
What are you doing HERE?
Brandy becomes flippant at being caught in a compromising position. Phillip retains his cool.
BRANDY
What the hell do you think we were doing?
OFFICER 1
That’s, but why here in this parking space, behind this building in an unsafe neighborhood at…
Officer checks his watch.
OFFICER 1 (CONT.)
At 4:15 AM in the morning?
The officer flashes his light on Phillip’s stupid embarrassed grin but the young man remains silent.
BRANDY
Do you think we’d do it while driving? That’s crazy, it would cause an accident. We got heated up, so stopped. Didn’t to get arrested for diddling and driving.
She laughs at her own joke. Officer 2 flashes a light into her eyes. Brandy squints.
OFFICER 2
Cut the crap girlie. How old are you?
BRANDY
Twenty one.
Phillip finally speaks up.
PHILLIP
Yes, officer, she’s twenty-one.
Both officers motion the couple to in front of the headlights of the patrol car. They oblige. Officer 1 glares at Brandy, his voice rough.
OFFICER 1
Again, why did you originally park in a neighborhood that hates privileged white folk? You’re lucky we came by.
Brandy gets nervous.
BRANDY
We’re here to meet up with my brother. He sent me a text to meet him in this exact spot and that he’d be here between 4 and 4:30. He’s driving from Newport News.
The officer looks like he’s not buying it. Brandy’s mind races. at She points up at a window in the apartment building.
BRANDY (CONT.)
My brother lived here. His girlfriend kicked him out.
She looks towards Phillip.
OFFICER 1
No whites live in that building.
BRANDY (CONT.)
Danny and me have different mothers. He asked Creed and me to help him get his personal belongings from, ugh, Lucretia.
The officer shakes his head with disbelief. He looks towards Phillip.
OFFICER 1
At a known drug transaction sight, girlfriends, are always quick to protect their scum ball boyfriends.
Brandy moves in close to Phillip and puts a protective arm around him.
BRANDY
Phil’s not a scum ball. He’s a good boyfriend. Smart, goes to college, prominent family.
Phillip squirms and moves slightly away.
PHILLIP
Brandy, tell the truth. It’s ok. They’re on to us. Stop with the lies.
Both officers stand waiting, one hand on hip the other on gun handles. Brandy, frightened, begins to shake.
BRANDY
(Agitated)
Ok, Ok. We’re here to meet a drug dealer, make a buy. Phillip has a problem, ran out medicine.
OFFICER 2
Is the drug dealer your brother? You said you were meeting him here?
BRANDY
(Rattled)
No, my God. He lives in the building. What time is it?
OFFICER 2
4:25.
OFFICER 1
I need to see some ID.
PHILLIP
Yes, Sir. My wallets in the front cup holder. Brandy’s purse on the floor of the passenger side.
Officer 2 to grabs the wallet and purse from the car. He hands the wallet to Phillip and the purse to Officer 1.
OFFICER 1
Please hand me your drivers license.
Philip complies. The officer checks the ID and chuckles. Phillip looks down. The officer holds up Brandy’s large purse.
BRANDY
It’s in my billfold.
Officer 1 rummages through the purse and comes up with a square flowered zippered make up bag along with the matching wallet. He hands the wallet to Brandy who gives him her ID. Officer 1 hands it to Officer 2 who looks at it and returns it to Brandy.
OFFICER 2
Interesting.
Officer 1 unzips the makeup bag. His face lights up.
OFFICER 1
And what do we find in here? Is this your makeup bag?
BRANDY
(Combative)
No, never saw it before.
Phillip looks surprised, the officer disgusted.
PHILLIP
Brandy, stop it with the lies. She carries a hit kit and NARCAN for me.
Officer 1 hands the drug-kit to Officer 2 who looks inside, secures it in an evidence bag, and takes it to the patrol car. Officer 1 reads Brandy her rights. Officer 2 returns with a pair of handcuffs and cuffs Brandy. She screams, kicks, and cries as they put her into the patrol car. They drive off and Phillip returns to his car and cries out his guilt.
EXT. PARKING LOT – MOMENTS LATER
Car lights speed into the lot. Phillip gets out and waits by his car. The other car stops close. DANNY, bi-racial African-American, gets out.
PHILLIP
You’re late.
DANNY
Where’s my sister?
PHILLIP
She had other plans.
Danny checks out the parking lot. Still no activity.
DANNY
You got the money?
PHILLIP
Yes.
He holds up a wad of bills.
PHILLIP
Now, let me see the goods.
Danny opens the bag, Phillip examines the contents.
PHILLIP
Three hundred, that right?
DANNY
Six. That’s pharmaceutical grade.
Phillip peels of six bills from the wad and hands it to Danny. Danny examines the bill before handing the purchase to Phillip. Phillip gets into his car, and drives towards the parking lot entrance and suddenly stops.
Four screaming patrol cars, lights flashing, speed past him and surround Danny’s car. Phillip watches as Danny and his accomplice get cuffed and placed into a patrol car that speeds off.
Phillip backs up his car, exits, and walks over to a detective. He hands him the bag. Men in the background search Danny’s car.
PHILLIP
Hi Tim, here’s your evidence.
TIM
We finally nailed that slimy a-hole. Vindication at last, for my kid brother.
PHILLIP
Jake didn’t deserve to die so young.
TIM
Thanks Phil, great work.
They man-hug. Tim looks towards the group searching the car.
TIM
What you find?
OFFICER
The mother load…cash, drugs, and firearms.
Tim smiles like he just won the lottery.
TIM
Go home Phil, get some rest. Come by the precinct tomorrow around eleven for a debriefing.
PHILLIP
Any word on Brandy?
TIM
Singing like a bird. Most likely she’ll be eligible for bond tomorrow afternoon.
Tim hesitates.
TIM (CONT.)
Her brother’s a drug lord so it will be in the press. I’ve alerted Aunt Mim to be prepared. I promised her that we’ll try to keep your real name out it, no guarantees.
PHILLIP
I understand. It’s my last buy and bust, law school this fall. You know a good bail bondsman?
END OF SCENE
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by Rebecca Sukle.
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Hi Rebecca –
Great scene!
It’s interesting that we had a similar take on this situation: drugs, police, arrests, press, etc. These kinds of situations (as do Crime Dramas) inherently seem to have higher stakes and are edgier – per Hal’s last critique. In your scene, the character traits are definitely coming through, and the twists work well. It’s interesting our different takes on ‘sense of entitlement’ and ‘status seeking’ – sometimes what I put in my scene for ‘status seeking’ you read as ‘entitlement’ — and a reader could interpret (in your scene) that Phillip’s desire to go to law school would be ‘status seeking’ (a Brandy trait). That would come down to consensus in a team, I guess — so if the writer is off the mark if most readers (or whoever is paying the bills!) believe so then the writer definitely needs to adjust course. At any rate, you definitely got me thinking about the interpretation of traits, and how that can at times be writer specific. But after thinking about it the wealthy are more apt to feel entitled and Brandy (in my scene) is from a rich background while Phillip in your scene is — that said, the wealthy could also be said to be prone to status-seeking. Oy vey!
Another thing I was pondering about my scene, and yours also, is the sense of place. My scene is in NYC but could be probably sketched out better in terms of accents, etc. Yours I’m not sure as the city is not named. I would place it in Philly or maybe Chicago. Or maybe even LA. But if you chose the actual location this could definitely influence how character details are sketched out. Also, for your scene, I’m curious about the type of car. Benz or Acura dumpy car of some kind? The bottom line is you might go ahead and commit to where your scene takes place. I would be curious how Hal would comment on that, as not knowing the place might also be useful as you could then transpose the action to a variety of locations. At any rate, great work, and thanks for the read!
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Insightful feedback, Don. Thank you.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by
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Don Thompson – QE #5 – REWRITE OF PREVIOUS SCENE
Logline: It’s 1970, and a prostitute and her pimp are raided by the New York City police only to reveal that corruption and betrayal exist on many levels.
Essence: There is often no moral core in modern society.
Inside a dingy New York City apartment in Queens, BRANDY (25) sits on a couch and watches television while smoking a cigarette. In the kitchen, PHILLIP (30) looks at a drawer with a large baggy of cocaine. Phillip closes the drawer and SHOUTS to Brandy.
PHILLIP: Do you love me?
BRANDY: Sort of.
PHILLIP: Do you need me?
BRANDY: Always.
PHILLIP: I deserve to be both loved and needed. In fact, you owe me for that.
Brandy looks his way and squashes her cigarette in an ashtray. Then she gets up and switches the TV channel.
Then she turns to him and converses with him while still watching the TV.
BRANDY: You’re so full of shit. You’re the one that owes me! Like about five thousand dollars!
She returns to the chair and sits. On the TV plays JEOPARDY.
PHILLIP: How can you watch that garbage?
BRANDY: How can you not love Jeopardy? It’s so educational. Watch this show for six months and you’ll have a Ph.D.
PHILLIP: Sure thing, doc. I’ll sign up for your first class at NYU!
BRANDY: Don’t put it beyond me. I’m smarter than you think. I might just go back to college and become a professor. I have an IQ of 145.
PHILLIP: According to who?
BRANDY: According to the Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale.
PHILLIP: And what the hell is that?
BRANDY: If you were smart you would know.
Beat. Brandy turns off the TV and speaks to Phillip.
BRANDY: I’m sorry, come on over and sit with me.
PHILLIP: Only if you treat me good.
BRANDY: I’ll treat you better than good.
Phillip walks over to the couch and sits. He turns to her, they hold each other.
PHILLIP: Do you need me?
BRANDY: I said I need you.
PHILLIP: Do you love me?
BRANDY: I love you to the moon.
PHILLIP: Do I deserve it?
BRANDY: Maybe.
They kiss.
PHILLIP: I deserve the world. You know that. I know that. Anyone that treats you with such respect deserves the world.
BRANDY: I’d be happier if you paid me my five thousand dollars on time.
Phillip looks down with a sense of shame, gets up from the couch, strolls back to the kitchen, turns toward her.
PHILLIP (with some regret): Ok, I’m sorry about that, honey, really. But I have my reasons for managing your money.
BRANDY: Yeah, because you’re a control freak and an asshole.
PHILLIP: Yes – but I am also the only pimp in New York that says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’.
Just then there is a LOUD KNOCK on the door. TWO POLICE OFFICERS (35, 40) stand outside the door to the apartment.
POLICE: Ok, open up! NYPD at your service!
Phillip jumps up and runs to the door.
PHILLIP: Let me handle this.
Phillip goes to the door and opens it. Brandy retreats to the kitchen and lights a cigarette.
PHILLIP: How may I help you, officers?
OFFICER ONE: Let us in.
PHILLIP: Do you have a warrant?
OFFICER TWO: We don’t need a warrant.
The two officers enter the apartment. Brandy looks on.
BRANDY: He’s innocent!
PHILLIP: And so is she!
OFFICER ONE: I’m sure you both are — you’re the picture of innocence!
PHILLIP: Just because I look guilty doesn’t mean I am guilty.
The two officers move around the apartment and start rummaging.
Phillip has moved to the kitchen and stands in front of the drawer in the kitchen where the cocaine is.
Officer Two approaches him.
OFFICER TWO: Step aside, please.
PHILLIP: Show me your warrant, please.
Officer One steps behind Officer Two. They both look at Phillip in an intimidating way.
OFFICER ONE: You’re a pimp and we’ve been receiving a lot of complaints about you and the girlie from the neighbors.
PHILLIP: Ah… don’t know what the heck you’re talking about. I’m a businessman. I run a reputable business. (looks to Brandy) Don’t I, honey?
BRANDY: He is the most reputable man I know other than my father!
OFFICER TWO: That’s rich. And who’s your father?
BRANDY: He owns a bank. And he is rich, actually.
Beat. Both of the cops look at each other and smile.
Both officers open and close cabinets in the kitchen, looking for something.
OFFICER ONE (to Phillip): Where is it?
PHILLIP: What?
OFFICER ONE: The stash.
PHILLIP: How much do you want?
OFFICER TWO: What do you mean?
PHILLIP: I mean, we’ll give you part of the stash, and we’ll call it even. You can go about your business. Sell it to your neighbors.
BRANDY: There is no stash!
OFFICER ONE (to Brandy): Sit down honey. Keep your mouth shut and you’ll get out of this without any issues.
Brandy sits on the couch.
OFFICER TWO: Let me look in that drawer.
PHILLIP: Again, with all due respect, officer, you don’t have a warrant.
Officer One grabs Phillip and shoves him aside. Officer Two opens the drawer. He grabs the bag of cocaine and holds it up.
OFFICER TWO: Wow. Quite a little find here!
PHILLIP: I didn’t know that was here, honest! I’m a reputable businessman!
BRANDY: He’s telling the truth!
Officer One turns Phillip around and handcuffs him.
OFFICER ONE: Come on, let’s go.
Officer one walks Phillip out of the apartment.
PHILLIP (to Brandy): I’ll be back in an hour.
BRANDY: Don’t hurt him!
Officer One leads Phillip outside.
Officer two stays behind and turns to Brandy.
OFFICER TWO: You Ok honey?
BRANDY: I’m fine.
OFFICER TWO: You did good.
Officer two reaches into his pocket and grabs an envelope full of cash, handing it to Brandy.
OFFICER TWO: It’s your first step toward independence.
BRANDY: Will I see you later?
OFFICER TWO: Absolutely. Tomorrow at the time we set up.
Officer Two puts his hand up to Brandy’s cheek.
OFFICER TWO: You did good.
BRANDY: Sure.
Officer two leaves.
BRANDY: Don’t sell it all at once.
OFFICER TWO: I’m not selling it. The boys love a good high. Makes the night shift easier.
Brandy nods.
Officer Two leaves.
Outside, Officer One has put Phillip in the back of their squad car. Once Officer Two is in the car, he turns to Phillip, takes a notebook from Phillip’s pocket.
Officer two looks through the notebook, focuses on one of the pages, and photographs it.
OFFICER TWO (to Phillip): You did good.
OFFICER ONE: She’s got an appointment later with one of her Daddy’s friends.
PHILLIP: The politician dude…
OFFICER TWO: The mayoral candidate.
Officer reaches to Phillip, uncuffs him.
OFFICER ONE: We’ll let you off at the station. Once we get this asshole cuffed tonight, and the Times is informed and splashes it all over the headlines, your job is done.
PHILLIP: And what about her?
OFFICER TWO: She’ll get six months, max. Then we’ll get her in the hands of a good shrink – which is what her father wants. She really shouldn’t be on the street. She comes from a good family. She’s a little screwy in the head. Maybe seeking publicity in a weird way. She’s sure gonna get it.
PHILLIP: Yeah, sure.
The squad car drives off.
END OF SCENE
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Hi Don,
I enjoyed reading this with the all the twists and turns.
STRUCTUAL : Nice surprise ending in this piece, one that would work even better with a cliffhanger. You start with a mystery, the stash, creating questions of how Phillip got it, or did Brandy provide it? How did the police know it was in their apartment? Good job with that.
I also enjoyed the double twists. Something unseen until revealed at the end, the police target being a political friend of Brandy’s father and Phillips role to gather the information. We see the demand for a reveal when the officer gave Brandy money for betraying Phillip in the set up. You might consider going through this again to add more suspense, uncertainty (hope and fear), and a dilemma for either Brandy or Phillip where the character could lose something no matter which choice they take.
CHARACTER: Good work with showing the double betrayal, and character change. Adding a dilemma, uncomfortable moment, misinterpretation can ratchet up the scene.
DIALOG: The dialog showed Brandy being entitled (high IQ, rich father) rather than a needy status seeker. Phillip appeared the wanting one. I missed rapport between Phillip and Brandy as she came off nonchalant to his advances. The dialog could show more conflict or competition.
The scene has good bones with twists and surprises. Using the Skill Mastery Sheet and going though each line of dialog will show you the places that need a bit more interest. You can do this.
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Thanks for that Rebecca!
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Don, this was written well and in the form of creating interest. It does seem to reveal betrayal. When Brandy calls Phil a “control freak” it is a good moment of anticipatory dialogue that is leading up to the surprise ending. It made me wonder what Brandy would do to get back at Phil for his treatment of her.
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REWRITTEN QE Cycle #5
Logline: After a deadly car accident, Philip talks to the police, including to an officer to whom he has close ties.
Essence: Hell hath no fury like a cuckolded husband.
EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – NIGHT
Two cars – a Chevy sitting on its roof and a Volvo, dented but upright – hiss and groan, motionless on the side of the highway. The driver’s side door of the still upright car opens. PHILIP (30s) climbs out, leans against the hood, dazed.
He staggers around to the other side of the car, wrenches open the door. BRANDY (30s) unbuckles her seatbelt.
PHILIP
You okay?
Brandy nods and climbs out of the passenger’s seat.
PHILIP
I’ll be right back.
Philip makes his way to the other car. Its driver, a middle-aged man, hangs upside-down and lifeless – a small bullet hole in his temple. Sirens scream in the distance.
EXT. POLICE CRUISER – CONTINUING
OFFICER BESS TOMAS has the peddle to the metal, speeding to the accident in the distance. Her partner, OFFICER DAVE HADLEY, points toward the cars.
DAVE
There they—
A FIREBALL lights up the dark night in swirling yellow and orange. A second later, the BOOM and SHOCKWAVE hit their cruiser. Bess slams on the brakes. The car pitches to a halt just out of range of engulfed vehicle. She and Officer Hadley jump out of their car and run toward the fiery tangle.
EXT. DESERTED ROADSIDE – LATER
EMERGENCY VEHICLES line the road. Philip and Brandy sit on the back of separate AID CARS. Both have blankets over their shoulders. EMTs expertly check them out as Officer Bess Tomas questions Philip and Officer Dave Hadley questions Brandy. The cops each hold notepads and pens, jotting down replies.
PHILIP
Brandy wanted to stay. Loves karaoke. It was my idea to leave.
Bess steps aside for the EMT, who shines a light into each of Philip’s pupils.
BESS
How much did you drink tonight, Sir?
PHILIP
One glass of …
BESS
Wine?
PHILIP
Champagne.
Bess catches her breath.
BESS
Celebrating something?
PHILIP
My wife was celebrating a promotion.
Bess’ eyes narrow.
BESS
Did you know the occupant of the other vehicle?
Philip shrugs. The EMT finishes his exam.
PHILIP
Not really. Poor bastard.
EMT
Sir, call your physician tomorrow. You were lucky, but they may want to run more tests.
PHILIP
Thanks very much, Sir. I’ll do that. So I’m cleared to drive?
The EMT nods.
BESS
The passenger’s side’s a mess, but Volvo’s are tanks. It’ll get you home.
The EMT leaves. Bess sits beside Philip, leans close.
BESS
You’re married?!
PHILIP
Babe, I should have told you. I’m sorry.
BESS
This was a hell of the way to find out.
PHILIP
It’s been over for a long time between us. You make me feel alive!
Bess can’t break her eyes from his.
PHILIP (cont.)
I wouldn’t be surprised if the promotion was the excuse Brandy’s been waiting for to kick me to the curb. (beat) You’ve done a breathalyzer on her, too, right?
BESS
You said you only had one glass of champagne.
PHILIP
That’s all I had. I lost count of her chasers.
Bess scribbles a note. Philip watches as firefighters extract the charred body from the crisped Chevy.
BESS
What did you mean by “Not really” when I asked if you knew him?
PHILIP
I saw him before the crash.
Bess listens, pen poised over notepad.
PHILIP
He’d been hitting on Brandy at the club.
BESS
What did you do when he was hitting on your wife? Damn it! You’ve been married this whole time?
PHILIP
She encouraged him! I used to get embarrassed. Not anymore.
BESS
He obviously left the club at the same time. You weren’t planning a threesome, were you?
PHILIP
God, no. Brandy and I haven’t had sex in months. Between her temper and her all-consuming job.
BESS
Her temper?
Philip glances over at his wife, who’s got her hand on the arm of the EMT examining her. She’s smiling coyly at the hunky medic.
PHILIP
The guy said something that pissed her off. Hell, he probably declined her, er, generous offer. I finally convinced her to leave. Wasn’t in the mood to spend another evening apologizing to the staff and other customers for the tantrum I knew was coming.
BESS
And you let her drive?
PHILIP
I’m not sure I’ll can forgive myself for that. I should have insisted. But she can be a–
BESS
–Bitch?
PHILIP
Tidal wave. That guy had no idea …
BESS
About what?
Bess and Philip glance over at Brandy. The EMT has packed up. Smiling, she’s lighting a cigarette.
PHILIP
That she has a gun under her front seat.
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Joe’s reply for critique
INT. ICE RINK – NIGHT
A skater twirls with a flourish as she completes her routine to hearty applause. Teddy bears rain onto the ice. One is picked up by a security guard who huddles with other guards. They nod and point up into the stands.
BRANDY
She’s my absolute favorite. I run her fan club.
PHILLIP
I know. I threw all the bearsto her. Gently, so she wouldn’t trip.
Brandy, 13, is bright eyed and confident. Phillip beside her, 15, geeky and relaxed. He’s watching the action below them as seven security guards race up into the stands.
PHILLIP
Goodness! They must be after an entire gang. I’m glad my conscience is clear. Mostly.
Converging on the section where the two sit.
PHILLIP
The bad buys must be near us. I’ll protect you. Of course, my seat is the best – yours is second – even for watching what happens up here.
She moves close to him.
BRANDY
Don’t let them hurt me. I can’t protect myself. What would my fan club do?
They stop at Phillip who plops a nervous handful of raisins into his mouth.
PHILLIP
What’s shakin’?
SECURITY GUARD 1
We know what you did, sir. Come with us please.
He’s trying to process as he glances from one security guard to another, then blankly at Brandy who seems frozen to her seat, mute.
SECURITY GUARD 2
Now, sir.
Phillip pops up like a jack-in-the-box.
PHILLIP
(nervous laughter)
It must have been one of my church antics. I asked for forgiveness. And got it, of course. So I’m…under arrest?
SECURITY GUARD 1
Not yet, sir. Find this funny, do you?
PHILLIP
Of course not, my good man. Absurd, maybe.
The Security Guard grabs him.
PHILLIP
Not you, I mean, the situation. Shouldn’t you be searching for a real bad guy? I see at least 10 from here.
As he’s lifted and carried away, he glances at Brandy who is talking too softly to hear, to the Chief Security Guard who leads her away from their seats.
INT. SECURITY GUARD OFFICE – LATER
A dark, dank room with soundproofing on the walls and door.
Brandy and the chief security guard wink at one another as Phillip is tossed into a chair by four burly security guards who surround him. The Chief stands behind them.
Brandy drops to the floor beside Phillip, hugging his waist and crying out with a little too much drama.
BRANDY
Why are you doing this to my brother? All he did was throw my bears onto the ice for me. That’s what you do when you like a skater!
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
One of them had an explosive attached.
Brandy stands and stares down at her brother.
BRANDY
Explosive? Did you…?
Steps back from him, close to the guards.
BRANDY
(to guards)
Protect me.
PHILLIP
No! Of course not! Did you? You certainly had the time.
Chief Security Guard glances at Brandy. Goes to the door and opens it.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Tell you what. You can leave now, or stay for questioning. If you leave and we find evidence enough to bring you back in, things will not go well for you. Your choice.
Phillip stares at the open, beckoning door. Then at his sister. Then the guards.
PHILLIP
I’ll stay. I’m sure I will only get what I deserve.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
(smiling)
Let’s see. I can go get myself a cup of coffee while my cohorts here
(air quotes)
“talk” with you, or stay and
(air quotes)
“Talk” with you myself. Hmmm. I’ll stay.
One guard shines a light in Phillip’s face. A second un-clips then re-clips handcuffs onto his belt. Phillip’s eyes bug as he stares at a third guard. The guard ever so slowly un-holsters his baton, then smacks his palm with it over and over.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Make yourself comfortable. You may be here a while.
A fourth guard jingles his handcuffs. Phillip stares at them. The guard jingles them again, glancing at Brandy to say, “that’s your cue.” She comes closer to Phillip.
BRANDY
This is all just a big misunderstanding. Phillip wouldn’t hurt a fly.
(at him)
Would you?
PHILLIP
No! I have no idea what this is all about! Unless…did you do something bad?
BRANDY
ME? Do something bad? When have I ever?
PHILLIP
When I twisted your Ken doll’s head off, you put salt in my coffee. These gentlemen should know that about you. Your predilection to terrorize.
BRANDY
You ruined their relationship! What can I do with just Barbie? My friends would laugh.
PHILLIP
I’m sorry! I’ll never forgive myself
Chief Security Guard steps between them, pulls out a plastic explosive-looking device.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
And how do you explain this, around the neck of one of the bears?
Phillip moves to examine it; Chief Security Guard pulls it back and pockets it.
PHILLIP
Excuse me, but…that looks like plastic–
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
It’s real enough! And I’m the one asking the questions here.
BRANDY
Oh Phillip! How could you? I’m ruined!
PHILLIP
I DIDN’T, I tell you. Perhaps one of the security guards has a thing for you–
BRANDY
(to chief security guard)
Do what you must with him! I have washed my hands of the whole affair.
(to Phillip)
Our parents will be SO disappointed to have a jail bird in the family! My own brother!
With a final glance back at her brother, she marches out the door that shuts with an ominous SLAM.
SECURITY GUARD 1
(to Phillip)
I hope you brought your toothbrush.
The four guards form a tight circle around Phillip.
PHILLIP
(to Chief Security Guard)
I thought she’d never leave. How much did she pay you, Greg?
The other guards stare at the two.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Twenty dollars.
From his pocket he pulls out a bald doll.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Said you cut her Barbie doll’s hair off.
PHILLIP
She said she wanted a punk Barbie. Then she got upset when she saw it. I know her well enough to know her look of revenge I saw that day. But this was elaborate even for her. Was I convincing?
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
A born actor.
PHILLIP
(to other guards)
You know you guys can’t arrest people unless they’ve actually committed a felony, right?
He disperses them with a dismissive wave. Embarrassed, they step back.
Phillip stands.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Uh, twenty dollars. You said you would double whatever she paid me.
PHILLIP
Sure. I’ll get it for you from my parents when I get home. I’ll take of her then, too. I’ve earned a bit of revenge.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
When you get home?
Phillip pushes the Chief Security Guard.
PHILLIP
MOVE, Greg. Don’t get your underwear in a bundle; I’m good for it.
CHIEF SECURITY GUARD
Sit down, Phil.
All five burly guards surround the teen.
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