Day 26 Assignment

[Edward Gillow]

Ed. Gillow QE Cycle #6

What I learned is that practice makes perfect with interest techniques, etc.

LOGLINE: Two people enter an escape room as best friends and leave as lovers.

ESSENCE: A challenging situation can bring the best (or worse) out of people.

SCENE:

INT. ESCAPE ROOM – DAY

CARLEY, 20s, dressed in skin-tight red knit dress and looks that kill strides into the escape room. MARCUS, early 30s, dressed in gym clothes follows behind Carley. He enjoys the view in front of him.

The room door slams shut.

INTERCOM

A man-made virus is wreaking havoc across the world. Intel suggests the virus originated in a rogue lab headed by the renowned virologist, Dr. Cyrus. You must investigate this abandoned lab and find the cure for the virus before the lab is compromised. Time is running out and the fate of humanity rides on the success of your assignment. You have sixty minutes, starting now.

Carley and Marcus hear the door mechanism lock.

MARCUS

I thought I told you to wear comfy clothes. Not that skin tight stuff you normally wear.

CARLEY

I thought you were kidding.

He does a hand wave of what he’s wearing.

MARCUS

Do I look like I’m kidding? We’re going to be crawling around on the floor…

CARLEY

Fifty seven minutes left. Okay BF, we should get looking.

Carley moves off to investigate.

Marcus watches her for a few seconds until she looks at him and then he starts looking for clues.

CARLEY

Have you done many of these before?

MARCUS

Quite a few actually. Why?

CARLEY

What are we looking for?

MARCUS

Clues. You know like codes, or notes or… stuff like that.

Carley accidently hits a box and it pops open. She reaches in and picks up a slip of paper.

CARLEY

You mean something like this?

Marcus hurries over to her.

MARCUS

Beginner’s luck. Yeah stuff like that.

CARLEY

What does it mean?

MARCUS

I don’t know. Just keep looking.

CARLEY

Fine. Forty seven minutes left, Marcus.

Marcus nods.

Carley spots a spy camera near the back of the room. She clears her throat to get Marcus’s attention. He looks over to her.

She points to the camera.

CARLEY

What do you suppose that’s for?

MARCUS

You ask a lot of questions.

CARLEY

I don’t mean to, I just want to understand how to play. I know how much you like winning.

(under her breath)

At other people’s expense.

MARCUS

What did you say?

CARLEY

Nothing…

She backs into a grandfather clock. As it chimes, its door opens and reveals a clue. She picks up the note.

Marcus hurries over.

Carley reads the note to Marcus.

CARLEY

The time is now to be on your way. Make no waste and find the urn made of clay.

(beat)

Urn of clay?

MARCUS

We need to find an urn made of clay. It could be anywhere. Hurry, we’re running out of time. You take that side of the room and I’ll take this side.

Carley searches her side of the room.

Marcus searches his side. He checks his watch, they have ten minutes to go. As Marcus looks through a book case, he finds the clay urn. He turns to see where Carley is.

She is on her hands and knees searching.

Marcus admires her for a moment, shakes his head and focuses on the urn. There is nothing inside it, so he examines the outside carefully.

CARLEY

Anything yet?

Her question startles Marcus and he almost drops the urn.

MARCUS

No, nothing yet. Keep looking.

Marcus continues to examine the urn… WHEN:

The room goes pitch black.

CARLEY

What the… glad I’m not afraid of the dark.

MARCUS

Carley, stay where you are. I’ll come find you.

CARLEY

Okay. Be careful!

Marcus holds the urn in one arm and uses his other arm to feel in front of him as he moves slowly to where Carley is.

Marcus continue to move along carefully.

MARCUS

I can’t see a damn thing.

CARLEY

That’s cuz it’s dark, silly.

MARCUS

Ha, ha.

As Marcus feels his way along, he stubs his toe and falls forward, he drops the urn and it smashes on the floor, fragments go everywhere.

The lights turn on…

His eyes adjust in time to see that he is falling into Carley’s arms.

Carley catches Marcus and steadies him as they are face to face with their arms around each other.

Seconds pass as they stare at each other.

MARCUS

I’ve never done one of these before. I’m sorry I lied.

CARLEY

It’s okay. I kinda figured.

Marcus leans in and steals a lingering kiss from Carley.

Carley smiles.

CARLEY

What smashed?

MARCUS

Just a silly old clay urn.

Marcus kisses Carley again.

A buzzer sounds, the room door unlocks and opens…

[Robert Kerr]

Ed:

What a great sit5uation you have created. The dialogue flowed naturally and the traits appeared without feeling forced. The sub-text shines through and the end result is there is a clear improvement between this first effort and the first effort in Q.E. cycle 1&2. Well done! Looking forward to the rewrite. Thanks, Bob Kerr

[Robert Kerr]

Bob Kerr: QE Cycle #6

What I learned from this lesson is the the quality of my writing increases with my mastery of these techniques

LOGLINE: Two people who are rivals on the water have a realization have something deeper going on between them.

ESSENCE: Near tragedy brings two people together.

SCENE:

INT. SHOCKER BOAT HOUSE – LATE AFTERNOON

In late September, after the final practice before a big regattas, rowing coach MIKE POSTON, a 6’3″ lean man with wavy hair, MARCUS HAUSER, a 5’5″ slight built college senior with blond hair and sophomore CARLY GONZALES, a 5’2″ beauty with raven colored hair are standing in the boathouse surrounded by rowing shells, oars and other equipment.

MIKE:

Okay you two. I’m putting you in charge of checking all the rigors and oar locks for tomorrow’s regatta. Set them up tight. I’m going to a reception with some donors to close the deal on two new shells. Do you two think you can manage that without all the bickering and arguing with each other?

MARCUS:

No problem coach. I’ll make sure we get this done. Should be done her in about an hour. We’ll be ready for victory tomorrow.

CARLEY:

Yes sir! I’ll take good care of it and we’ll play nice.

MIKE:

I’ll hold you to that. Don’t forget to lock up and turn off the lights when you’re done.

MARCUS:

I got it coach. I’ll take care of it.

Mike nods his head, picks up his briefcase and heads out the door.

CARLEY:

You’ll take care of it? Coach didn’t say anything about you being in charge.

MARCUS:

My apologies. Didn’t mean to ruffle your feathers. Now we have to divide up the work so we can get out of here quickly. I think our best strategy is for you to do the 4’s and sculls on the lower rack and I’ll do the 8’s on the upper rack.

CARLEY:
Still doesn’t make you the boss of me.

Carley stretches and takes off her sweatshirt revealing the tight tank top she is wearing underneath.

CARLEY (CONTINUED)

Who knew rowing could be so dirty. That is my only clean sweatshirt and I’ll need it for tomorrow.

Marcus stops what he is doing and is clearly admiring the toned physique of his fellow coxswain.

MARCUS:
Imagine how dirty it is when they throw you in the river if they win the race tomorrow. You do know that is a tradition?

CARLEY:

You act like I’m a rookie. You forget yourself. I’ve been thrown in the river more than once.

MARCUS:

You are still in the novice 8. Not in the varsity 8 like me.

CARLEY:

I care about my crew. We’re just as important as the varsity crews. Besides, all you care about is proving your strategy works better than coaches.

Marcus is tightening the rigors on an eight in the upper rack and stops to respond.

MARCUS:

Setting my opponent up to fail is sort of my bag. Coach isn’t in the boat when we’re in the race. It’s just me and the men. They follow my commands and we win races!

Marcus comes over to test the rigors Carley has been tightening. As he puts a strain on them, he looks at Carley bent over the next rigor.

MARCUS:

I imagine you don’t have much of a social life between classes and rowing. I suspect you get lots of opportunities though, right?

CARLEY:

Why do you care? The guys all laugh at the funny words in rowing. Words like stroke, cox, rigor, catching a crab and fours. That usually ends the conversation and I’m fine with that.

MARCUS:

We cox’s catch a lot of grief from the oarsmen. They figure because they’re bigger, stronger and have an oar in their hand they are superior. But, it’s my strategy that steers the boat and they must follow my command. They have no other choice if they want to stay in my boat.

CARLEY:

I just let boys think what they well. Boy’s never change. Just like you, right?

Carley moves to the next single scull and as she she puts leverage on tightening the rigor, her foot slips on the wet floor and she falls. As she falls she grabs the scull and pulls it down on top of her. Marcus hears the crash, turns and see’s Carley under the scull. He drops his wrench and rushes over to see if she’s hurt. As he lifts the scull off her he bends down and places his hands on her shoulders.

MARCUS:

Don’t move till you catch your breath. Do you hurt anywhere? I need you to be okay.

Carley moves her arms and legs and takes a deep breath. She props herself up on her elbows and looks Marcus deep into his green eyes and feels his powerful hands on her shoulders.

CARLEY:

You mean the crew needs me to be okay, don’t you?

Marcus leans in closer as he bends down on one knee

MARCUS:

Actually, I mean me.

With that, Marcus lowers his face and meets Carley’s lips with a kiss. Carley returns the kiss.

MARCUS:

I’ve been imagining kissing you for some time.

Carley puts her hands on Marcus’s shoulders and slowly gets up from the floor. She is standing facing Marcus with her hands still on his shoulders.

CARLEY:

Took you long enough!

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s QE #6

Logline: Two FBI agents at odds with each other face imminent death.

Essence: They discover their love.

SCENE:

EXT. ARIZONA, SONORAN DESERT – NIGHT

Storm clouds play hide-and seek with the moon. Enormous scorpion scurries under a rock.

Eighteen-wheeler roars over a dirt road. A huge steel pipe looms on its flatbed trailer. Semi grinds to a halt by a wide ditch.

TWO MEN in lab coats leap from the semi. Unhook the cables. Roll the pipe off the trailer.

Screams, yells echo from inside. Steel pipe thuds into the ditch.

The truck turns around. Rumbles toward the dim lights of an industrial complex concealed in the rocky bluffs.

Lightning flashes in the distance.

Voices echo out of the pipe.

MARCUS (O.S.)

I must say, their tactics are quite efficient.

CARLEY (O.S.)

My arms are falling asleep.

INT. PIPE – NIGHT

Pale light from each end reveals two people: They face each other, hands tied over their heads. Ankles bound together.

CARLEY STONE (24), is baby-doll pretty. Curvaceous body belies the tough FBI agent.

MARCUS MANN (32), is her rugged, Southern, FBI superior A trickle of blood runs over his black eye.

CARLEY

You’re bleeding, Agent Mann, Sir. You okay?

MARCUS

Our enemies could use your, ah, attributes, Miss Stone. I do apologize for crashing my eye into your elbow. However, it wasn’t my chest that bumped the lever which brought the guards a runnin’.

CARLEY

You were staring.

He sighs.

MARCUS

Tonight, I’m sorry you have a chest, darlin’.

CARLEY

Cut the endearments, please. I work under you.

He smiles. Gazes into her eyes. She hesitates, looks away.

CARLEY

Your idea of sneaking into the complex at night got us into this.

Thunder shakes the pipe. Raindrops ping above their heads.

MARCUS

I’m afraid we’re in a heap of trouble. Open your knees.

CARLEY

I beg your pardon?

MARCUS

We can’t get outta’ here unless we bend our knees and scooch to the end.

CARLEY

Come up with a different one of your ingenious ideas, Sir.

Muddy water oozes over them. Carley screams.

MARCUS

Open your knees unless you want to drown. That’s a direct order, Agent Stone.

She opens her knees. He puts one of his between them.

MARCUS

Now move.

Like an uncoordinated caterpillar, they rub against each other while inching their way toward the end of the pipe.

MARCUS

Watch it darlin’. I need those.

CARLEY

I don’t need that.

MARCUS

Forgive me. I’m doing my best under dire circumstances.

EXT. PIPE – NIGHT

Total darkness. Except for intermittent lightning. Rain pours.

Marcus and Carley wiggle out of the pipe. Cough. Sputter. They sink in an inch of mud.

MARCUS

Don’t you think that worked better than expected?

CARLEY

My hands are numb.

MARCUS
I’m trying to control my circulation. Would help if you stopped shiverin’. Too bad we don’t have a flashlight.

CARLEY

How did I know it would break on that guard’s head? . . . I have a penlight.

MARCUS

Guess I didn’t have a lock on strategy.

Thunder shakes the sky.

CARLEY

Are we going to die?

MARCUS

I’m not ready.

CARLEY

Please hurry up.

MARCUS

I love the way you say, please.

She looks into his eyes. They connect. He lowers his head to her chest. His mouth rummages around in her tank top.

CARLEY

Four score and seven years ago, our forefathers brought forth on this continent” – oh.

His head pops up. He grins.

MARCUS

Sorry. Hard to find something small in there.

CARLEY

SIR. I swear I’ll give you another black eye.

He chuckles. Resumes his task.

CARLEY

“Ah, our forefathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in libert EEE . . .

Marcus pulls out the penlight with his teeth. Clicks it on. Shines the small light on the deep gully, then back toward the pipe.

Flood water explodes in the distance. Races toward them.

MARCUS

Help me flip on my back. We need the water that’s comin’ to loosen the ropes so you can pull free.

CARLEY

No. Please. I can’t watch you drown.

MARCUS

It’s an order, Carley.

He rolls her on top of him. A ten-foot wave smashes over them. They disappear underwater.

Carley’s head surfaces. She gasps. Yanks on the rope. Slips her hands out. She lifts Marcus’s head above the water.

CARLEY

Marcus. Marcus.

He surges up, desperate arms around Carley. He gasps. Coughs.

MARCUS

I get on top next time.

She smiles. The flood dissipates. They lie in three inches of water.

Faint alarms ring through the dark night.

MARCUS

We didn’t trigger those alarms.

CARLEY

Don’t they think we’re dead?

MARCUS

Shit. They’re dumpin’ the pesticides to make sure.

He fumbles with their ankle ropes.

A glowing green wave swells toward them.

MARCUS

Climb.

Carley slips. Marcus wrap his arm around her waist. Hauls her to safety. They collapse.

CARLEY

You can let me go.

MARCUS

Don’t want to.

He wipes straggles of hair from her face.

MARCUS

I was worried there for a second that we’d have six-legged babies.

CARLEY

You want children?

MARCUS

Only with you.

Their passionate kiss is life-affirming.