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Day 27 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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6 Replies
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QE # 6 – REWRITE:
LOGLINE: CARLEY and MARCUS are on their honeymoon in Hawaii and play cat and mouse until they each realize what they really want: each other. During this process, they become rich, in a matter of speaking.
Note: I have completely rewritten this scene from the first version. This scene is also posted in #28.
ESSENCE: Money isn’t everything, but it definitely helps.
The scene takes place in a beautiful condo on Maui.
CARLEY (30), attractive and very pretty, but somewhat world-weary, is on the balcony of the condo looking out over the ocean and the beautiful scenery.
MARCUS (35) is on the couch watching TV. He is handsome but almost too much so — to the point of having a baby face. He watches the US Open tennis match.
MARCUS (stands up): Jesus! Look at that!
He turns to Carley.
MARCUS: Honey, you can’t believe what Djokovic did to Nadal with his backhand!
Note: he pronounces Djokovic as ‘Joke-a-vich’.
CARLEY turns around.
CARLEY: Come out here and look at this view! You don’t know what you’re missing!
Marcus sits down in front of the TV again.
MARCUS: This is the US Open – I got some money on this on a pool at work. It’s important, honey!
CARLEY: It’s our honeymoon you shit head!
Marcus falls silent. Then he shuts the TV off and walks out to the deck, joining Carley.
He comes up behind her and holds her.
MARCUS: I’m sorry.
CARLEY: No, I’m sorry.
MARCUS: No, I’m more sorry. Would you stop arguing with me, please? You don’t need to be sorry.
CARLEY: OK. I’m sorry for being sorry.
Silence, then they both LAUGH loudly.
Beat.
CARLEY: Jow·kuh·vuhch
MARCUS: What?
CARLEY: His name is pronounced Jow-kuh-vuhch.
MARCUS: Joke-a-vich, Jow-kuh-vuhch. I don’t like him. But, if he wins I win the office pool.
Carley then points to the ocean.
CARLEY: Look, a whale!
Marcus looks.
MARCUS: That is not a whale. That is a boat.
CARLEY: No, next to the boat!
MARCUS: I like the boat better. I can imagine us on one, actually. When we get rich. I have a plan.
CARLEY: I’m listening.
MARCUS: Crypto. We invest the money your parents gave us in crypto.
Beat.
CARLEY: We are not throwing my parent’s hard-earned money into crypto, honey. I love my parents much too much to be so disrespectful.
MARCUS. Who says you have to tell them?
Suddenly there is a KNOCK on the door.
Marcus looks to Carley:
MARCUS: Who the hell could that be?
Carley shrugs.
MARCUS: Let me get it.
CARLEY: Tell them that we’re on our honeymoon and to go straight to hell.
Marcus walks to the door and answers. There are TWO OFFICIALS from the Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes, holding a large poster.
MARCUS: Yes?
OFFICIAL ONE: My name is Tom Swenson, and I represent the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes. We are happy to inform you have just won fifty million dollars for life!
Silence.
MARCUS: Are you sure?
OFFICIAL TWO: We are sure!
MARCUS: I mean… hold on! Don’t move!
He shuts the door and rushes to Carley.
MARCUS: Carley, honey, sit down.
CARLEY: What’s wrong.
MARCUS: Just sit down.
He speaks almost in a WHISPER.
MARCUS: Did you… sign up for the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes?
CARLEY: No.
MARCUS: Neither did I. There are two people out there that claim that we won the sweepstakes for fifty million dollars.
Carley holds her hands to her mouth, almost SCREAMING.
MARCUS: Shhh…. Shhh!
She calms down.
MARCUS: We’re gonna both go back to the door, hand in hand, and accept the money. We won’t ask any questions, we won’t say that we didn’t register. We just accept the money – got it?
CARLEY shakes her head ‘no’.
CARLEY: That’s not honest. It’s not fair if we didn’t really win it.
Marcus frowns.
MARCUS: Honey… I love you. But shut the fuck up when we talk to them at the door. Come on.
Just before opening the door, he turns to her
MARCUS: I’m sorry I said to shut up.
CARLEY (nodding). It’s OK, I can take it. But if you speak to me that way again I’m divorcing you in what will be the shortest marriage in California this year.
Marcus nods.
Marcus opens the door. The two OFFICIALS are still standing there.
MARCUS (smiling): Hi folks. This is my wife, Carley. Please explain to her who you are.
OFFICIAL TWO: We are from Publisher’s Clearing House, and you’ve won fifty million dollars!
Carley then SCREAMS.
CARLEY: How did you find us? We’re on our honeymoon!
OFFICIAL ONE: We make sure to track down all contestants wherever they may be in the world. You could be in Antarctica, and we’d find you!
The OFFICIAL then holds up a mock-up of a check for fifty million dollars. The name on the check is clearly written: ‘Mr. and Mrs. Simon Djokovic’
OFFICIAL TWO: Mr. and Mrs. Djokovic (he pronounces it correctly) – let’s please take a photo together!
Marcus and Carley look at each other.
MARCUS (to the officials): Wait right here, don’t move!
He shuts the door and he and Carley sit down and speak to each other, almost in WHISPERS.
CARLEY: That isn’t us, obviously.
MARCUS: It is definitely God punishing me for making fun of Joke-a-vich’s last name.
CARLEY: Well, let’s tell them it isn’t us. End of story.
Marcus is thinking.
MARCUS: Maybe I can get a fake ID. Maybe I can change my name.
CARLEY: Right now?… I don’t think so!
Marcus ponders some more, then takes on a more resigned demeanor.
MARCUS: OK, let’s tell them it’s not us. Maybe they’ll take pity on us because it’s our honeymoon and give us the money anyway.
Marcus and Carley go to the door and open it.
MARCUS (to the officials): Ah… we’re really sorry. We are not Mr. and Mrs. Joke-a-vich.
OFFICIAL ONE: You’re not?
CARLEY: We’re not. Our last name is Johnson. Well, mine is. She’s keeping her maiden name.
OFFICIAL TWO: You’re not Mr. and Mrs. Simon Djokovic?
MARCUS: No. But… if you can’t find them and need to give the money to somebody we can certainly take the money. I mean, we need it. We’re newlyweds. Just getting started.
Beat, the Officials consider. Marcus continues.
MARCUS: Constantly scratching around for the next little morsel of cash so we can put food on the table.
The two officials look at each other.
OFFICIAL TWO: We can’t really do that. We have the winners to consider.
CARLEY: That’s what I suggest: consider the winners.
Marcus frowns at Carley.
OFFICIAL ONE: Wow, this is the first mistake in our fifty-year history of giving out prizes!
CARLEY: Maybe they’re next door. Or maybe they booked this condo but changed their itinerary. We got this one just a couple of days ago as an upgrade.
The Officials look at each other in disbelief.
OFFICIAL ONE: Well, thank you. And thank you for being honest.
MARCUS: No problem…. But again, if you can’t find Joke-a-vich we volunteer to take the money for them. It’ll mean we don’t need to invest in crypto as we planned.
OFFICIAL TWO: Sure thing. And that would be Jow-kuh-vuhch.
OFFICIAL ONE: Yes, Simon Jow-kuh-vuhch.
Both Officials smile and leave.
Marcus shuts the door.
They stand, looking at each other.
CARLEY: Money is highly overrated. Love is really more important. Caring for each other is the most important.
MARCUS: I agree. I will never find anybody else like you. I’m in for the long haul.
They hug and kiss deeply.
Marcus pulls away, but still hugs her.
MARCUS: I love you so much.
CARLEY: I love you too.
Beat.
MARCUS: Man, I do wish my name was Joke-a-vich.
END OF SCENE
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Rewrite for QE Cycle #6 Scene
Logline: Marcus leads Carley on a quest to learn the truth and finds true love.
Essence: Complications in life can lead to love.
Scene:
EXT. WILDERNESS HIKING TRAIL – DAY
The bright sun shines on MARCUS (30) who winds his way through the trees. He leads CARLEY (27) along on the dirt path. She steps forward like a real and seasoned trooper.
They are followed by a MAN who conceals a recording device.
CARLEY
You said we were going camping, Marcus. Shouldn’t we have camping equipment?!
MARCUS
Why are you always second guessing me?! Answer me!
CARLEY
I just like to know where I’m going. That’s all. No big deal.
They arrive at a fork on the trail and stop. Sounds of RUSTLING leaves can be heard behind them. The sounds suddenly stop.
Marcus and Carley turn around to check. Nothing. Just trees.
MARCUS
It was probably a scared rabbit, Carley.
CARLEY
There are no rabbits living out here. You have no concept about these things.
MARCUS
Yes, I do. Let’s go this way.
Marcus picks the path on the left. Carley surveys her surroundings and gives an impression of being lost.
MARCUS
We’re almost there. Let’s keep moving.
Carley doesn’t budge.
CARLEY
We haven’t had lunch. It’s not like we can find a diner in these parts.
MARCUS
I wouldn’t put us in any danger.
Carley follows Marcus on the chosen path.
They hike several more feet as Marcus turns around and spots TED (35) who has been following the pair. Marcus motions Ted to keep his distance.
Ted nods as Marcus continues forward. Unbeknownst to Carley and Marcus, Ted resumes recording the exchange.
MARCUS
Do you still think about Ted?
CARLEY
We’re hiking and you’re asking me about Ted!
Marcus and Carley stay silent for a moment…
CARLEY
If you keep up with your antics, this between us is not gonna last for too long. My precious.
MARCUS
Just answer my question.
CARLEY
No! He’s my ex! Ex!
Marcus winces at Carley’s fury.
CARLEY
Look, I thought I saw a rabbit. Why don’t we rest here?
MARCUS
So, you rather be with me, right?
Carley pauses and stays silent checking her watch for a moment.
CARLEY
You like to make things difficult.
MARCUS
Him or me?
Carley closes her eyes wanting to choose the right words.
CARLEY
What do you think, precious? I’m miles away from civilization, and you’re the only one next to me.
Marcus gives Carley a cheerful applause.
MARCUS
It’s me then. Both of us with nature.
CARLEY
I guess you have me right where you want me.
They notice what seems to be the rear of a log cabin not too far away. Marcus and Carley appear dumbfounded.
MARCUS
What’s this? The tour guide agency didn’t mention any residences out here.
CARLEY
Let’s be brave and check inside?
MARCUS
We may need a some type of secret, magical key.
MAN’S VOICE (O.S.)
We have the key to this cabin. But you can join us if you’d like?
Marcus and Carley spin around and encounter a NAKED COUPLE.
CARLEY
May I ask, where am I?
NAKED MAN
We’re part of a nudist colony. This is our home.
NAKED WOMAN
You can join us if you’d like?
Carley turns to Marcus who shrugs his shoulders.
MARCUS
Honestly, I’m very sorry. I had no idea.
The naked couple senses some unease as they walk away.
NAKED MAN
Have a nice day.
NAKED WOMAN
Remember, you can join us if you’d like?
Marcus notices Carley silent looking away perusing her phone.
MARCUS
Carley, I’m really sorry.
CARLEY
Please, I don’t want to talk.
TED (O.S.)
You should because he’s playing you like a fiddle.
Both Marcus and Carley are stunned finding Ted next to a tree.
Marcus remains stunned, shocked that Ted revealed himself.
MARCUS
Ted, what is this? You live close by? In a treehouse?
CARLEY
You know my ex?
TED
Know you? He had me follow you two.
Carley shoots eye daggers at Marcus.
MARCUS
I thought the change in scenery would help us sort things out. Among the three of us.
CARLEY
Sort things out? Change in scenery?
Marcus points and waves to the sky in a religious fashion.
MARCUS
I figured this would be good spot to relax and spend our day. We even have a nudist colony nearby.
TED
(to Carley)
Typical of him. By the way, I have everything recorded. So, when you want to come back to me, I’ll be ready.
MARCUS
See, you can’t trust him. He’s always pulling surprises on you. A real creep.
Carley fumes at both men, but more so at Ted who smirks blatantly.
CARLEY
You can take your recording and stuff it!
Marcus is all smiles as Ted kicks the tree next to him.
MARCUS
I knew you were always mine.
Marcus senses an opportunity. Gets on a knee and takes out a tiny box.
MARCUS
Carley, my fearless adventurer, would you marry me and say yes under this beautiful sun?
Carley opens her mouth as she gasps.
CARLEY
What?!
MARCUS
Be my wife. Because we’re gonna have a huge family.
CARLEY
Yes! Yes!
Ted steps off, defeated.
MARCUS
(to Ted)
Thanks for your help, buddy. Your surprise worked against you.
Marcus and Carley jump into each other’s arms and passionately kiss…
NAKED MAN (O.S.)
Congratulations.
NAKED WOMAN
You can join us if you’d like?
Marcus and Carley detach their lips.
MARCUS
What does your mind suggest?
CARLEY
It would make an exciting experience, my dear.
They grasp one another’s hand and contemplate the naked couple.
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Janeen’s QE Cycle 6 Scene – Second Draft
LOGLINE: Carley and Marcus’ game of mouse finally ends with a question.
ESSENCE: Carley, tired of the cat and mouse, asks Marcus to marry her.
SCENE:
INT. BUSINESS HAPPY HOUR – EVENING
CARLEY, late-20’s business woman, chats with DARIUS, a good looking businessman in his 30’s.
MARCUS, late-20’s in business casual, leans on the bar and watches Carley intently.
Carley surreptitiously glances alternately over at Marcus and another businessman, AARON, who is talking to a group of women.
CARLEY
I’m so glad we’ll be doing business together.Darius maneuvers a bit so he is in between Carley and the other men to block her view of them.
DARIUS (making the double entendre obvious)
I hope we’ll have more productive meetings like today’s.
Carley peeks over Darius’ shoulder to see Marcus shake his head in mock disbelief/disgust and exit the bar room. She touches Darius’ arm to soften her rejection.
CARLEY
Darius, I need to speak to someone before they get away. We’ll talk tomorrow, right?Carley smiles up at Darius who recognizes the brushoff and turns away. Marcus looks back in time to see the touch on the arm and the smile, but turns back around quickly and heads outside.
She is stopped midway to the door by Aaron.
AARON
Carley, can we speak for a moment?Carley steps over to Aaron and the group of women, glancing back at the door often.
EXT. BUILDING TERRACE – LATER
CARLEY follows MARCUS out to the herb terrace.CARLEY Marcus, wait up.
Marcus turns, pulling himself up into his power stature, defensive, really.
MARCUS
Why are you out here. I thought you were part of Aaron’s harem.Carley softens and approaches him with a smile, reaching out to touch his arm as she draws near.
CARLEY
If you’d come to talk to me when Darius had me trapped it would have really helped.(suddenly tough)
But like usual, you left.Marcus looks befuddled, turns as if to go and then turns back. Carley and Marcus hold each other’s gaze for a long beat.
MARCUS
You weren’t trying to make Aaron jealous by flirting with Darius?Carley looks surprised at first, then angry. She responds with curt politeness.
CARLEY
No.
MARCUS
Or enjoying the attention?Carley frowns, considers a minute.
CARLEY
Not from him. I’d rather have attention from another man who would never consider someone like me, apparently.Marcus, seeing a thread to tug on, is in command again.
MARCUS
Who’s attention do you want? Who’s the mystery man?Carley looks a little flustered. Embarrassed for a moment, then goes back to cold and polite.
CARLEY
It’s kind of cool out here.She hugs herself as though cold and turns to go back in.
Marcus looks thoughtful, then heaves a sigh, straightens and goes back to his commanding self.
He turns her around, putting his hands on her shoulders.
MARCUS
You don’t feel cold. You’re not shaking.Carley shrugs off his hands.
CARLEY (coldly)
I don’t have to shiver to be cold.
MARCUS (apologetic)
Of course not.
Carley pulls away, hesitates, made shy by his tenderness.MARCUS (CONT’D)
Do you want to go back in? Is the man you want inside?Carley looks away, fondling a leaf of basil in a nearby pot, a slight smile coming to her lips.
CARLEY
If you want to leave things like this between us, then I’ll go in. Is that what you want?MARCUS No, it’s not.
Carley turns to him, looking him full in the face with trust in her eyes.
CARLEY Then what do you want?
Marcus sees Aaron come outside and look around the terrace, apparently looking for Carley. Marcus pulls Carley to him and kisses her.
Aaron turns in despair and goes back inside. Marcus releases Carley who is smiling blissfully.
MARCUS
Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.CARLEY (confused)
Then why did you?
Marcus looks at the door where Aaron has retreated.
MARCUS (apologetically)
I don’t know. It just seemed like the thing to do at the moment.
Carley looks stricken and responds with cold politeness.
CARLEY
This was only momentary.(turns from tender to tough)
I see.
Marcus still has his arms around Carley, holding her loosely. She looks down and away in discomfort.
Having steeled herself, she quickly kisses Marcus on the cheek and pulls away to go back in.
CARLEY (CONT’D)
It’s cold out here. I don’t want you to get sick. Marcus quickly pulls her back.MARCUS (commanding)
That wasn’t a proper kiss. (gently)
We should kiss properly — just once. Carley is wary, confused, evasive.
Why?
CARLEY
MARCUS
To see if maybe Aaron and your mystery man aren’t the ones for you. (apologetically, gently)Maybe I am. To see if our words and our lips —
Marcus kisses her quickly, but gently.
MARCUS (CONT’D)
— And our bodies should be together. To see if you want more of me than you want Darius or Aaron.Carley, shocked and looking for an escape, puts her hands on his chest to keep him at a distance and ponders. She fingers a button on his shirt.
CARLEY
You have a loose button. I can fix that tomorrow.Marcus is silent, looking content. Carley looks up for his reaction. He returns to command mode.
MARCUS
Tomorrow will be fine. Tonight, however.He stops when she looks down, away, anywhere but at him. He backs up, again unsure of his stand with her and apologetic again.
She looks up at him, prepares to speak and finally does.
CARLEY Will you marry me?
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Rewrite for QE#6
Logline: At Shilo Manor Marcus reveals why he invited everyone to the manor for finding ghosts forcing Carley to reveal her true self.
Essence: Forever love is not clean, it’s messy and bloody.
EXT. SHILO MANOR – NIGHT
A flash of heat lightning ignites the sky before the thunder revealing this gothic marvel. Wrought iron and brick fences surround the house. Another flash in the sky reveals eyes.
The eyes dissolve into a knocker with a joker clown face. It’s smile is unsettling. There is a swinging light above the door.
CARLEY 25, cross-fit has nothing on her, stands at the majestic door a backpack slung over one shoulder and a laptop bag in her hand.
She stares at the knocker. Is it staring at her. She moves slightly side to side watching the eyes.
CARLEY
(To herself) You know you should be more nice it’s a new century.
MARCUS (O.S.) (BEHIND THE DOOR)
You know you’re late.
She is not impressed with his tone. The door opens loudly with a squeak filling Carley with light. MARCUS 29, he’s a work in progress, stands hand on his hip grin ear to ear.
Carley smiles and nods, she looks at the threshold and sighs.
CARLEY
Aren’t you going to invite me in?
She makes a pouty face. Marcus rolls his eyes and waves her in.
MARCUS
Come on in.
She enters the house looking at the floor holding her breath. Marcus shuts the door with a bang.
INT. SHILO MANOR- DRAWING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
The drawing room is wide and looks like it was updated in the…
MARCUS
Yeah the previous owner bought the manor in 1985 and as you can see…
Marcus is addressing a group of 3 people, Carley, and CHAD 30’S stoner type, sit on a couch.DR. EGRESS, 50’S stands across the room at an art deco bar.
She’s paying little attention to Marcus and looking at a painting on the wall.
CARLEY
Well, it’s not that bad just not what I was expecting when you said Gothic Haunted House.
MARCUS
I know. I know. I thought we would like some “newer” comforts. Dr Egress?
She looks at the room but doesn’t stand to address the people in the room. Marcus sits next to Carley on the couch.
DR. EGRESS
Well we are all here for one reason.
She pauses for effect, looking at Chad she raises her eyebrows in disapproval as he is on his phone.
DR. EGRESS
And it’s not to be on those silly things.
She jumps up and points to the counter there is a row of monitors showing different rooms and a thermal monitor.
DR. EGRESS
But to prove there is life after death!
Carley smiles and claps, Marcus leans in and claps as well. Chad is unimpressed
CHAD
Yeah. So great to be here.
DR. EGRESS
Well I didn’t invite you, you little shit.
He puts down his phone and clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth.
MARCUS
I did.
DR. EGRESS
Figures you would. Is this punishment or something else?
Carley is aghast, she looks at him mouth agape.
CARLEY
You didn’t? They broke up, that’s so messed up.
Marcus shrugs and smirks. He’s not saying something.
DR. EGRESS
He’s a skeptic my dear. His ego would not be able to handle the truth so he made sure I would be distracted with pettiness and not focus on my work.
CHAD
No what’s messed up is that painting on the wall. It looks like you Car.
They all look at a medium size painting on the wall in front of them. It looks exactly like Carley, she is in 17th century dress and sits on a throne with 2 dogs at her feet.
DR. EGRESS
I was wondering child, if that was a relative.
All eyes are on Carley, she looks at the painting and then at her companions. She is not as shocked as they are. She stands and addresses them in front of the painting.
CARLEY
I wouldn’t know. Chad are you sure you want to stay?
Chad nods. Marcus’s eyes move from the painting and back to Carley several times. He is taking in everything.
DR. EGRESS
Chad dear, just don’t bed her again. I need her brain.
Chad drops his phone. They all look at Egress. Marcus looks at Carley, her head drops as they make eye contact.
DR. EGRESS
Oh. You didn’t know Son.
MARCUS
I had my suspicions (Leering at Chad) but ya’ll confirmed them. Why do you think I set up this weekend?
He stands and walks to Carley, she is still looking at the ground. He gently puts his hand on her chin lifting her face to look at his.
CARLEY
Enjoying yourself?
He grips her and shoves her back towards Egress. Chad jumps up and takes a step towards Marcus. Marcus spins around and quickly puts Chad on his ass.
MARCUS
Shit! I’m sorry. This is too much.
DR. EGRESS
BOYS! ENOUGH! If anybody should be jilted it’s me. You drag me out here for this ruse for what?
Marcus steps away from Chad and turns to Carley.
MARCUS
It’s your house Car. And you know it. Tell them!
CARLEY
I didn’t mean to, sleep with him it was impulse for me. I need you to know that.
She moves to take his hand but he pushes her with both hands sending her flying back into the air. Dr. Egress jumps to catch her, but stops mid run.
The men’s eyes widen and Egress stands over the floating Carley.
MARCUS
What the fuck?
Dr. Egress looks at her monitors, she does not see Carley on the video, she does not see her heat signature on the thermal cam monitor.
DR. EGRESS
She’s not registering. This could be a possession. I told you this was..
Carley slowly floats upright three feet off the floor. She looks at the shock and awe on their faces. Her eyes are no longer blue but bloodshot yellow.
CARLEY
(Groaning) Ghosts aren’t real.
MARCUS
Holy shit!
CHAD
What the hell are you?
Carley smiles revealing pointed incisors and laughs uneasily.
CARLEY
But vampires are. Surprise!
Dr. Egress walks up to her touching her. Chad lets out a high pitched scream.
DR. EGRESS
Fascinating. Child you are a marvel.
CARLEY
I’m 500 years old so please stop with the condescending tones.
Marcus walks slowly to her, she lowers her feet to the floor meeting him. His eyes are wide and he doesn’t know what to say.
He tries to speak but Carley puts her finger on his lips. She pulls his head down and kisses him.
CARLEY
I knew your ruse. I’ve searched for someone to share this immortality with, and I found you.
Marcus is stunned and cant stop himself from kissing her, he turns his head to the side. His vein is a lover for her teeth as she bites.
Carley releases blood fills her teeth and mouth. She forces Marcus to his knees as she pokes her finger with a sharp fingernail and releases a drop of blood onto his tongue.
MARCUS
Thank you. I’ve been waiting for this since I found you.
-
Kathy Schank
Logline: Carley and Marcus are shopping for groceries and fill up a cart with enough for dinner. After they check out they get in Marcus’s car and begin to drive. A small argument ensues, about whether to stop at Carley’s mother’s house or at Marcus’s friend Bryan’s place to share their food. Finally, they agree that Bryan can wait- and they should tell Mom right away that they might get married an share a house.
Essence: Although Marcus’s friend Bryan is unimportant to Carley, she is understanding enough to give their relationship a solid stance an make him important. It is only after her lover is willing to meet her mother that Carley realizes there is a good future for their relationship.
Scene: Marcus and Carley are at the grocery store filling up a cart. They are happy and decide to have dinner together. They have been on several dates, and are shopping after having slept together a couple times.
MARCUS
For dinner tonight… With escargots! How about snails?
CARLEY
Marcus, you like them? And these are the freshest vegetables for our salad… and let’s bring a watermelon to share.
MARCUS
Yes, Carley. Take some corn… we’ll eat dinner together. Just like we’ve been together a long time… but it hasn’t been long, has it?
CARLEY
It’s only a couple dates and we’re already filling an entire grocery cart.
MARCUS
I enjoyed last night. You really should be in a two story house with a garden… kids to feed. A puppy dog. Did I not suggest that we could even stay together?
CARLEY
You’re apartment is nice enough. When you see my condo- it’s almost big enough for two.
MARCUS
You don’t think I couldn’t afford a home…? A place with a real skylit studio, a private office for me… a work out room all our own. I just had no one to share it with.
CARLEY
(Looks nervously at her cell phone clock)
Oh, boy! Is it time already? It’s almost six o’clock. We should get going, come on!
AFTER THE CHECK OUT LINE
The two of them load groceries into his car trunk. They get in and talk as they drive.
MARCUS
Let’s go.
CARLEY
I have work tomorrow, but I guess making dinner will be a breeze. Do you want to stop at my mothers house?
MARCUS
What for? Well, I guess if you want to make dinner we could include others. How about my friend Bryan’s place? It’s a lot closer. I already texted him that we might drop by…
CARLEY
Closer? I think my mother should meet you. She just starts to worry… and is calling already.
MARCUS
Calling already? Well- doesn’t she know who I am? It’s a long time, I’m your lover… I can’t wait to show off my chick. But- if you don’t feel like bein shown off. Maybe that would be alright.
CARLEY
Alright? What do you mean maybe? How could you think about showing me off? Mother hasn’t met you.
MARCUS
Okay- to meet your mother, but now right now. I have Bryan to think about.
CARLEY
Bryan?
MARCUS
Yeah, he’s single. He never eats because no chicks come over to feed him… He’s alone.
CARLEY
What?! I’m a chick that you want me to feed your friends? I thought we were gong to be together for dinner. I wanted to introduce you to my mother.
MARCUS
I know but Bryan hasn’t met you.
CARLEY
What do you mean?
MARCUS
I won’t do anything unless he tells me.
CARLEY
Anything? Marcus! You’re driving me insane.
MARCUS
He never told me to meet your family. Bryan’s like my other half…
CARLEY
Fine. I don’t think I can feed both of you. Why don’t you drop me off at my mother’s.
MARCUS
Ahh- Carley! Don’t you want to spend the night?
CARLEY
Oh, like last night and the night before? What about when is this… getting too serious for me? How could you expect me to be there every night… I have work.
MARCUS
Work. I thought you really liked me.
CARLEY
Yeah, I guess.
MARCUS
Tonight? What about Bryan?
CARLEY
Gosh Marcus! How aggravating. Bryan has nothing to do with it. Stop at my mother’s house. I want to see how she’s doing.
MARCUS
Well, okay. You know I do want to explain to her that I’m concerned for your well-being. Afterall, you just became my girl. Carley- I’m just a little nervous about it.
CARLEY
As long as you won’t share me with your friend. We could move in together.
MARCUS
Ah, Carley! You’re my sweetheart, then. But- not without your mother’s approval. Then we’ll tell my Dad!
CARLEY
Do you really think he’ll approve?
MARCUS
You both like dinner with escargots.
CARLEY
Snails! Did I say I like those?
MARCUS
How come you’re so slow then?
CARLEY
Slow at what?
MARCUS
At deciding you want to marry me?
CARLEY
Marcus! You mean it really? You want to get married? Are you going to tell my Mom?
MARCUS
I might.
CARLEY
Ha! Come on home then… let’s go tell her right now- you crazy fool! How did you know I like escargots? Huh-
MARCUS
I just knew. You’re taste is refined. I’m sure we could make a new home together… let’s go tell Mom.
CARLEY
Great! Marcus- did you want to invite Bryan? I really wouldn’t mind… I’m sorry.
MARCUS
That’s nice of you. How about we invite him another time?
Pulling up in front of her mother’s house, they linger in the front seat of Marcus’s car.
CARLEY
That’s so considerate of you. I’m glad we’re here.
MARCUS
You’re my fiance! You’re really sweet… come here, I want to kiss you.
Carley kisses Marcus. They share a passionate kiss, and a moment of their love’s embrace.
CARLEY
Marcus! Do you really love me a lot? Come meet Mom!
MARCUS
Carley, you’re divine… let’s meet my mother-in-law. Come on Sweetie!
CARLEY
Yes, dear!
-
Joe McGoin’s QE 6 take 2
Logline: Flying reconnaissance in a stealth jet, Carley and Marcus discuss deal with multiple life-and-death issues
Essence: The flight is the crucible of their budding relationship
Scene
EXT. U2 JET IN FLIGHT – DAY
Flying above the clouds. A thin trail of fuel leaks from the jet’s belly.
INT. U2 JET COCKPIT – DAY
CAPTAIN CARLEY BREZNEV, 40, calm and focused, pilots the jet. Beside her sits Lieutenant MARCUS RILEY, 40’s, stiff, troubled, bent over a screen flashing a message.
CARLEY
(into helmet radio)
Dropping to 40,000. Please acknowledge.
RADIO TOWER
Roger. Careful, Breznev. You’re in radar range.
CARLEY
Copy that. I’ll handle whatever they throw at us.
Glances at Marcus.
CARLEY
May I ask what you’re reading? You look spellbound.
Stares at her for a long moment, considering.
MARCUS
We have a mole. Shouldn’t be hard to figure out who.
Her turn to stare at her companion.
CARLEY
They shouldn’t be looking at me just because my grandfather was Russian.
MARCUS
Who said they are? 40,000 – even 50 = keeps us in radar range. 70, I strongly suggest.
CARLEY
How about you trust your commanding officer’s judgment?
MARCUS
How about ANY of us could be the mole? Sorry, Captain; guess I’m a little jumpy.
They exchange warm glances.
A gauge jumps. Both notice.
MARCUS
We’re being jammed. Evasive action.
CARLEY
(into radio)
Bird to Tower. Radio silence until we clear target. Not taking any chances.
RADIO TOWER
Roger.
MARCUS
Happened as soon as we entered the target zone. Like they knew we were coming. That narrows it down to the flight crew. Just us chickens.
CARLEY
Maybe I should take it up to 70?
MARCUS
Maybe you should have when I–
CARLEY
Taking us to 70. Above any radar. On MY order, your…observation.
Gives him a warning glance; don’t mess with your commanding officer. Marcus reads a dial.
MARCUS
Over target.
Sets a clock countdown. Presses the button. Countdown clock: 5:00, then 4:59…4:58…
Several cameras click off one photo after another.
MARCUS
5 minutes to complete surveillance and head home. Maybe have a party at base since a lot rides on this mission. Champagne. Balloons.
CARLEY
We’ll be out of here in 4, sidekick. Good call on climb to 70.
MARCUS
Sorry to bring this up now, but = Why not me?
CARLEY
Clarify, Lieutenant.
MARCUS
You could have had Morse or even Rodriguez here by promoting me. You know I was the best candidate for the officer training. But you promoted Rodriquez instead, and so you got me for this mission.
CARLEY
How about, you aren’t a yes man?
MARCUS
Begging your pardon, sir, but neither is either one of them.
CARLEY
Ok. Maybe I am the mole, a twenty year vet. Maybe I’m tired of the Air Force and need an exciting change.
He’s squirming. Staring blankly at the gauges.
CARLEY
Maybe I just glanced at the promotion roster and poked a finger. I don’t remember.
MARCUS
Don’t remember who you wanted on a highly sensitive mission we may not return from – comrade?
MARCUS’S SCREEN
“Breznev eliminated as possible mole. Captain not a threat to mission status. Disregard sabotage protocol.
CARLEY
Maybe I didn’t know what I wanted.
He looks directly at her.
MARCUS
I felt betrayed. At first.
CARLEY
Eyes on the gauges, soldier.
MARCUS
Then later, I felt– What the…?
Marcus stares at the gas gauge, in the red zone.
MARCUS
We’re nearly on fumes. We should have plenty of fuel–
They stare at each other, wide-eyed.
MARCUS
Frazier! He’s the mole!
CARLEY
The gentleman who fills our tank?
MARCUS
He made sure we won’t make it back. But we’ll figure a way around that. Right? Call the tower!
CARLEY
Why the Hell didn’t you notice that earlier, soldier?
MARCUS
I was…distracted. My imagination has been running wild over…my…being here and all.
Carley glances at the countdown clock.
CARLEY
Like Hell we won’t make it back.
Glances at the countdown clock.
CARLEY
Too soon to break radio silence? Letting them know about Frazier may have to wait. Sorry I got you into this mess.
The jet jolts, hit from below, slamming down, then forward in their seats.
CARLEY
We’re hit! Have to ditch. I’ll take us in, you’ll be ok. Guide me.
Marcus pulls up a map on his screen.
MARCUS
300 degrees! Now!
Carley pulls the jet into a sharp turn. Smoke billows past the window.
MARCUS
The field! There! Bring her down!
Land races up toward them.
MARCUS
Too steep! Nose up! Nose up!
They crash land.
MARCUS
I’m glad I’m with you. If this is our last…you know.
Pulls a rifle from behind her seat. Marcus’s eyes go wide.
CARLEY
Nobody’s dying on my watch.
Marcus pulls out a knife and a pistol.
MARCUS
I’m going before you do.
Their eyes meet.
MARCUS
I…care. You are no spy. Even if you were…
CARLEY
I guess that’s why I wanted you here…I care, too. I’m retiring early. I want children. Are you interested?
MARCUS
No, sorry, I’m not.
CARLEY
Oh. All right then.
MARCUS
No, I mean, not interested in retirement. In you, yes. And children. Yes. Yes. Yes. Six or eight or twelve…all at once, if you like.
She glances out the window.
CARLEY
Soldiers! We’re going to be all ri–
MARCUS
I don’t recognize those uniforms, but I do the guns. American. They’re holding them wrong. They are not professionals.
They turn and look out the other side.
CARLEY
More soldiers. Different uniforms. In case this is the last thing…I do…
She looks into his eyes. They unbuckle. Hug.
MARCUS
With all my heart-throbbing, sky-jumping, happy…whatever! I do…too.
They kiss.
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