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Day 3 Assignment
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11 Replies
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Amy’s Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is you can create suspense in just one scene or have it all the way through your script.
Andrea
Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive
Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated
Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career
Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story
Flaw: She can be selfish
Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hard core rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
The Promise: Andrea will choose her family and attend her daughter’s dance recital
What matters: Having her family back together and whole again
The delay: Andrea’s boss threatens to fire her if she doesn’t go cover the fire at the lab
INT. – NEWSROOM – ANDREA’S DESK – NIGHT
Andrea is packing up her stuff to go home. Tom comes rushing over to her desk.
TOM
Andrea, there’s a fire at the university science lab. I need you to go cover it.
ANDREA
I promised my daughter I’d be at her dance recital tonight.
TOM
I thought you wanted that promotion to 6 o’clock anchor.
ANDREA
I do, but I promised her.
TOM
Andrea, you can decide how far you go in this business… or don’t go. Now, if it’s not going to be you, I can always send Jonnie.
ANDREA
No! I’ll do it!
Just then, Andrea’s phone rings. Josh’s name comes up on her phone’s screen.
ANDREA
Hi. What’s up?
INT. AUDITORIUM – BACKSTAGE – NIGHT
Josh stands with his phone to his ear. Meagan can be seen consoling a crying Chloe in the background.
JOSH
Hi. Are you on your way? Something’s happened. Chloe needs you.
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
ANDREA
Oh, no! What’s wrong?
JOSH
She ripped her costume. No one here knows how to sew.
Andrea puts her hand to her forehead, stressed.
ANDREA
Oh, alright! I’m coming.
Tom walks by and gives her a startled look. Matt rushes in.
MATT
Are you ready to go? I’ve got the van ready.
JOSH
So you’re coming?
ANDREA
There’s breaking news.
JOSH
Seriously, Andrea?
ANDREA
Oh, I don’t know. I’ll call you back.
Andrea hangs up.
MATT
All right. Let’s go!
Andrea gets up and follows Matt out the door.
EXT. – PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Andrea starts to walk towards the news van with Matt, then stops abruptly and turns towards the parked cars.
MATT
Andrea, where are you going?
Andrea stops again, looks bewildered for a second, then turns back towards the news van, but nope… She stops again and turns back towards the cars.
Matt realizes she’s not behind him.
MATT
What is it? Come on. We’re going to miss it!
Andrea stops yet again.
ANDREA
Gah!
She turns back towards the van and gets in. They drive away.
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Budinscak Suspense
Day 3
What I learned doing this assignment:
o Suspense is a universal application in all genres of film.
o Very simple formula that’s very useful – Promise an event that matters and delay fulfillment.
o Fun way to raise the stakes in a scene, create suspense and make the reader wonder what’s next. Fun stuff.
Character Names:
Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous
Subtext – Conniving
Logline – Jack isn’t a role model, nor does he want to be, but … when presented with a captive audience – his nephews, Puck & Sal – he will present whatever version of his facts as he sees fit.
FBI GUY 1 – snooty, authoritative, gullible, pompous
Subtext – Noncommittal
Logline – FBI Guy 1 believes he will right any wrong and has the authority to use any method in his employ to achieve the desired result.
Setup:
We’re knee deep in the middle of the second part of Act II. Jack’s lost all his money and has turned to ‘enlightening’ his nephews as his only ‘win’ in Las Vegas. His tutorial of the female anatomy has gone awry when the FBI burst in and scared the bejesus out of the woman. She fled the room leaving Jack, the FBI GUY 1 & 2, Puck and Sal. The FBI guys are dressed like tourists draped in rayon and polyester. Puck and Sal hide in the closet.
INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
JACK and the FBI GUY 1 and 2 watch the partially naked, striking young lady run from the room. Jack shuts the door and turns to his intruders.
JACK
And how may I help you?
FBI GUY 1
Where are your nephews?
JACK
Two twelve year olds at a crowded hotel pool all by themselves… What could go wrong?
FBI GUY 1
Let’s talk about what can go right. You want me to make everything go right?
JACK
You mean like at the craps table?
FBI GUY 1
I’m talking about expunging your record. Wiping the slate clean.
JACK
I got no blemishes.
FBI GUY 1
And right now is not a good time to start.
JACK
Has everybody got an angle here? What do you want from me?
FBI GUY 1
You’re working for us as of right now.
JACK
Us?
The FBI guys flash their badges for a nanosecond.
FBI GUY1
We’re gonna go through your Cadillac and whatever we find, we take. Nice incentive, huh?
JACK
I work for you AND you steal from me? How do I get a job like that?
FBI GUY1
It takes year, which you don’t have. But I can get you there in two days.
JACK
Do I get a per diem or do I foot the bill?
The two agents get a good chuckle.
FBI GUY 1
How would you say it, Jack? You get squa-doosh.
JACK
So no travel budget. Who do I get to steal from?
FBI GUY 1
Don Vito. You help us and I’ll even get rid of those twenty plus parking tickets in Geeville.
JACK
You can do that?
FBI GUY 1
We can do anything. We’re the government.
JACK
Great. Exactly what do I have to do with Don Vito?
FBI guy 2 whips out a wire and hands it to FBI guy 1.
FBI GUY 1
Too bad this isn’t live, Jack. You’d have a helluva story. Too bad no one would believe you.
JACK
Well, at least there’s some good news.
FBI GUY 1
What’s that?
JACK
Now I know why this other guy’s here. What do you do? Yell I’m done and he comes in and wipes your ass?
FBI guy 1 restrains number 2 from getting at Jack. Jack smiles and rests against the wall – totally satisfied with himself.
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Rob Bertrand’s Suspense
What I learned: I learned an easy-to-follow template for building suspense in scenes as well as throughout my screenplay.
Annie Andrews – Protagonist
Basic character traits: Sarcastic, quick tempered, fragile teenager who aches for acceptance.
Character Logline: Annie is a high school student, overwhelmed with guilt over the death of her mother, who’s struggling to come out to her traditional father.Jessica Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Shy, Nervous, Crafty, and inherited her sister’s gift of sarcasm.
Character Logline: An eight-year-old girl becomes obsessed with horror movies after the death of her mother and soon starts to believe there’s a monster living in her closet.INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Annie sits on the couch, while Jessica sits on the floor with her legs under the coffee table. Both sisters eat a large bowl of Ramen noodles.
Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho plays on TV.
Through a mouthful of ramen.
JESSICA
I love this part!ANNIE
Yeah, but the falling down the stair’s thing…looks so fake–From the basement, the sound of furniture scraping across the ground.
Jessica, eyes wide with fear, stops chewing. Ramen hangs from her mouth almost comically.
Annie mutes the movie and sets the remote down on the coffee table.
ANNIE
What the hell was that?They listen intently. Suddenly, a loud BOOM, from below the floor.
Jessica spits the ramen back into her bowl.
JESSICA
Bradly at school says it’s the boogeyman. He says he’s living in our house and he wants to eat our souls!ANNIE
Bradly at school is an idiot. Something probably fell downstairs.JESSICA
Yeah? Well…I dare you to go down there and look.Annie isn’t scared.
ANNIE
Fine. You do more chores this week…INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
The door slowly opens, revealing the silhouette of Annie and Jessica at the top of the stairs.
In the dark, the sound of footsteps.
JESSICA
Holy shit!ANNIE
Language! But yeah…holy shit.
(calling)
Hello? Who’s down there!Silence.
Annie begins to descend, taking each step as slow as possible. Jessica follows close behind.
JESSICA
Please don’t be the boogeyman. Please don’t be the boogeyman.ANNIE
I got you, Jess. I won’t let anything happen to you.At the base of the stairs, Annie flips the light switch on, illuminating the basement. No one is there.
ANNIE
See? It’s nothing…JESSICA
Then what made that sound?Annie looks around. She doesn’t have an answer.
From upstairs, the TV volume goes FULL BLAST.
Jessica screams!
Annie runs up the stairs.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The TV plays at full volume. Annie rushes in, but the remote is gone from the coffee table. Jessica sticks close to her sister.
ANNIE
Where’s the remote!Jessica shakes her head.
JESSICA
You had it last!The sisters begin searching for it. Jessica searching the couch cushions.
Annie finds the volume button on the TV and turns it down.
ANNIE
What the hell is going on?JESSICA
it’s a ghost!ANNIE
There’s no such thing–The TV remote is thrown hard from the kitchen and EXPLODES against the living room wall.
Annie and Jessica scream in unison. Jessica buries her face in Annie’s shoulder, shaking with fear. A familiar smell.
JESSICA
Is that…is that?ANNIE
Mom’s perfume…The sound of footsteps as they descend the basement stairs.
CUT TO:
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What I learned is that although I understand this dramaturgy on a theoretical level, I have been eschewing the irritating questions that should begin every scene and chapter and must eventually rewrite everything in my tandem competitive narrative, planting positive expectations for Jake and apocalyptic ones for the Magma Monsters who are linked to BB/Betty and Ibrahim and climate catastrophes.
Meanwhile I focused on a scene after the Feldmans’ funeral.
EXT. COLONIAL MANSION – DAY
BB is scrubbing a boat. Ibrahim passes by. There is enough space and silence around them for a straight-up conversation.
IBRAHIM
So what happens to their beautiful empty Colonial?
BB
Mine.IBRAHIM
The Feldman parents hated you even more than me. You can’t tell me Rodney gave it to you?
BB
I’ll be sleeping in the master bedroom when I am not building boats with Kisele and then floating in them peacefully on our Hudson River.
IBRAHIM
I don’t see this happening.
BB
But why? I am the boy’s best boat dad and he loves boats more than anything.IBRAHIM
Litonya won’t let this happen. Nor will Jake.BB
In this scenario, Jake is impotent. And Litonya is so wrapped up in rocks, studying earth’s temper tantrums, to take note of that house. She always hated it.IBRAHIM
If your happy dream materializes, do you still work for me, for us?BB
Course. I like the action. But my hours will be mine. Don’t deadline me.IBRAHIM
Does CS still have something to do with Kisele’s trust fund?BB
Yeah. I am on her. Watching. Waiting. She can’t be trusted. I will eventually take care of it.
Meanwhile enjoy your family while everyone is safe and healthy.Ibrahim leaves quickly as he allows has something to do, quickly clicking into his phone.
INT. COLONIAL MANSION – DAY
BB and 11 year old Kisele are cleaning out the master bedroom.
KISELE
We should give their clothes to the poor.
BB
Sure. I will drive them over to the Salvation Army.
Kisele puts some back on the rack.KISELE
I have a better idea.BB
For a new boat design?
KISELE
That too. But we must be philanthropic.BB
That’s why we are going to the Salvation Army.KISELE
Charity begins at home.
BB
But this home is empty and you are staying in the solar house. Do you want to move in?KISELE
Maybe. But I invited their brothers and sister back cuz they are now homeless in Manhattan.BB
You what?
KISELEKeith has a car though he doesn’t have a house so he will drive everyone up this weekend.
BB
They won’t like it here. They are Manhattanites.KISELE
They can go back and forth on our boats.BB
That’s a terrible idea. Of course maybe they will drown.
KISELE
Then we can save them. Jake is teaching me CPR.BB
Great. The Feldmans are takers, not givers. They grab and go as they did in Manhattan. They don’t make their beds, contribute cash to the household, or clean up after themselves. Sometimes they don’t even clean themselves and they stink even when people are wearing masks. Do you think they should be here during a pandemic?KISELE
I am sure they have been vaccinated. We can take care of them. You are great at cleaning and me and the other kids should learn how to cook and take care of people. We aren’t the Me generation.
BB
Whatever kid. You’re the boss. Now let me show you some new boats you would love.He pulls out his phone as Kisele oohs and ahs.
But there is MONTAGE of the housekeeping disaster as Keith, Lana, and Storm storm through the Colonial, causing damage in every way. BB sprays his COVID sanitizer everywhere but the men are vaccinated. However Lana is not because she follows Gary Null and Kennedy and wears an anti-vaxx t-shirt. She is found rigor mortis on the toilet and taken out by Jake and BB’s son Joe the firefighter. One down, two to go.
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Armand Suspense
What I learned…
“The most important thing in a script is suspense. Even in a comedy, I love it when I can’t wait to see what they did with it on the next page.”
DEFINITION of Suspense: A state of mental uncertainty or excitement, as in awaiting a decision or outcome, usually accompanied by a degree of apprehension or anxiety. Undecided or doubtful condition.
Suspense: Promise an event that matters, then delay the fulfillment.
Here’s the basic model
1. Promise an event…
A. A challenge or contest
B. A threat
C. A prediction
D. A deadline
E. A impending crisis
F. An opportunity is presented
G. A goal is at stake
2. …that matters…
It has to do with:
A. A lifelong goal
B. Someone they love
C. A dream they have
D. Their deepest fears
E. Something valuable at stake
F. Resolving a major problem
G. Saving someone
3. …and delay the delivery.
A. Requirements must be fulfilled first.
B. Opposition to the goal.
C. Training is required.
D. Key resources are withheld.
E. A period of time must pass first.
F. Distraction from the goal.
G. Inaction because of fear.
H. Barriers and complications arise.
Name: TYLER, THE GHOST
Traits: Arrogant, Sarcastic, Immature, Romantic
Subtext: Scared, in Denial
Character Logline: Tyler is the ghost of an entitled college jerk who was murdered 20 years ago by a masked serial killer, and now has to overcome his hidden guilt and fears to save a new group of college kids from suffering the same grisly faith as him.
Name: MADDIE, THE FINAL GIRL 20 YEARS LATER
Traits: Brave, Tough, Stubborn
Subtext: Paranoid
Character Logline: Maddie is the sole survivor of the original massacre who is obsessed with the return of the masked killer who was never caught and sets out to stop the killer at any cost now that the killer’s back.
Name: CHARLES, THE MASKED KILLER WHO WAS NEVER CAUGHT
Traits: Nerdy, Rational, Sadistic
Subtext: Concealing, Nice Exterior
Character Logline: Charles is Tyler’s nice and nerdy half-brother (only seen briefly in the opening scene) who wants to fulfill his secret urge to murder people and getting away with it, but now has to face off with the ghost of his brother and the final girl (Tyler’s girlfriend) he’s always loved.
LEX, THE GOTH HIGH SCHOOL GIRL
Traits: Prickly, Sarcastic, Intelligent, Resourceful
Subtext: Lonely
Character Logline: Lex is a brilliant high-school goth obsessed with true crime and grisly murder mysteries who (secretly) came to the manor with her college-aged sister (and her party friends) to attempt communicating with Tyler’s ghost.
DALLAS, LEX’S COLLEGE-AGE HALF-SISTER
Trait: Vapid, Romantic
Subtext: Insecure
Character Logline: Dallas is a superficial but deep down kind college girl peer-pressured into hosting a weekend party at the manor (just purchased by her rich dad), and just wants to fit in.
The Promise: Lex and Dallas have a moment to bond while hiding from the killer
What matters: They’re family, their lives are at stake
The delay: fear to open up, jealously, the killer is out there
INT. BASEMENT – MANOR – NIGHT
Lex and Dallas storm in. They lock the door, and remain still the as the killer arrives. The killer stands against the other side of the door.
Dallas holds on to Lex. The killer walks away. They sigh in relief.
LEX
I need my arm back.
DALLAS
(letting go)
It’s all my fault.
LEX
I always wanted to hear that. Just not under these circumstances.
DALLAS
They’re all dead.
LEX
But we’re here!
DALLAS
There’s no we. There’s you and your ghost. Go figure, you finally have a friend and he doesn’t exist.
LEX
Maybe. But at least he’s a real friend.
DALLAS
I can’t believe we’re related.
LEX
Shut up!
DALLAS
You shut up!
She points further downstairs.
LEX
I hear something.
Lex descends, Dallas shakes her head No.
Lex walks around in the darkness. She hits a table.
LEX
There’s something here.
The lights go on. Lex turns, Dallas is downstairs and found a switch.
LEX
It’s a watch.
The watch ticks slowly in Lex’s hands. She’s curious.
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DAY 3 BOB SMITH’S SUSPENSE
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
Wring out scenes for as much suspense as possible.
3. The components:
THE PROMISE: A prediction: The Nazis will take over. A future for Jannings
WHAT MATTERS: Jannings preserving his life in a changing Germany as Nazism increases. His having a future acting career.
THE DELAY: The Nazis themselves and their plans for the future of Germany to which Jannings knows he will have to yield. It is a dangerous situation.
This is a sequence of two scenes.
Character traits, subtext and Character Loglines of the characters involved:
EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible
loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.
Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.
ALFRED HUGENBERG: His traits are that he is pompous, unpleasant. Subtext: Wants his own way as studio chief.
LOGLINE: A wolf in exective clothing and everybody is a sheep to him.
KURT GERRON: He plays the Magician in “The Blue Angel.” Traits: Affable, amiable; Subtext: Conciliatory.
Logline: If Santa Claus were clean shaven, younger and Jewish, he would be Kurt Gerron; a real show business trouper who spreads joy.
HANS ALBERS: He plays Mazepa the strongman in “The Blue Angel” Traits: Intelligent, cautious. Subtext: conceals rather than speaks.
LOGLINE: A dashing young actor with a future who is building it by acting in “The Blue Angels.”
“The Blue Angel” has just wrapped. There is a wrap party with all the principals present. However, Emil Jannings, concerned about his future, slips away from the party to speak with the studio chief ALFRED HUGENBERG in his office about his career possibilities.
INT. OFFICE OF STUDIO CHIEF – DAY
ALFRED HUGENBERG, the CEO of Ufa Studios is seated at his desk.
Emil Jannings enters.
HUGENBERG
Emil. Why aren’t you at the wrap party?
JANNINGS
I’m coming from there. I have business that I need to discuss with you.
HUGENBERG
What business is that?
JANNINGS
Sir, about my future in films. I can’t work in America because my
accent excludes me from talkies. I have come to my homeland
and it is the only country in which I can work.
HUGENBERG
A great actor like you will find work. Germany’s future will belong to the Nazi party. And. Herr Goebbels wants to develop a whole new film industry. I know for a fact that both he and Herr Hitler admire you. They would be glad to see you as a part of their creative plans. There’s your future. And the future of the rest of
us.
JANNINGS
(with fear and uncertainty)
Oh, I see.
HUGENBERG
(misunderstanding Jannings)
Well, I am glad you do. Now you can ditch Sternberg
and his Jewish Hollywood Cinema. I don’t want to mix with him. That’s why I’m not at the party. I don’t care how much the studio makes of his taudry little pornographic film.
JANNINGS
But what about our Jewish colleagues in the film industry?
What about Kurt Gerron?
HUGENBERG
If there were more Jews like Kurt Gerron, Germany would not have a Jewish problem. Be patient, Emil. You have a future. So do all of us, in a new Germany.
JANNINGS
Thank you so much, Mr. Hugenberg.
HUGENBERG
“Al”
JANNINGS
Al.
HUGENBERG
Well, let’s drink to it with the best brandy in
Berlin.
Hugenberg goes to a shelf behind his desk where a decanter and glasses are placed. Hugenberg pours a brandy for Jannings and after handing the glass to Jannings, pours one for himself. Hugenberg, lifts his glass. As does Jannings. Hugenberg makes a toast
HUGENBERG
To our future.
They clink glasses and drink.
INT. STUDIO SET OF “THE BLUE ANGEL” THE WRAP PARTY – DAY
Albers and Gerron are sitting alone at one of the many tables of “The Blue Angel” set that is now being used for the party.
Emil enters, flushed and sweating as he returns to the party from meeting with Hugenberg. He crosses directly to Gerron and Albers and sits with them.
ALBERS
Emil, you look like you saw a ghost.
JANNINGS
I did. Like Scrooge. I visited the Ghost of
Germany yet to come. And he is Alfred
Hugenberg, the head of this studio. I didn’t
realize he was a supporter of the Nazis.
GERRON
I knew it! He always avoided von Sternberg and
myself. What is it we have in common besides
“The Blue Angel”? Hint: Another word for Hebrew.JANNINGS
Well, that’s strange. But he spoke fondly of you.
Well, he had a strange way of saying so. He said, “If there
were more Jews like Kurt Gerron, Germany
would not have a Jewish problem.”
GERRON
Ah-hah. That’s not fondness. That’s what we call
“selective anti-semitism.”
ALBERS
I’m surprised, gentlemen, that you were not
aware of the politics of Alfred Hugenberg. His’
contributions to the party were well noted by
The press. Why did you leave the party to see
Hugenberg?
JANNINGS
To discuss the future of my career.
GERRON
What did he say?
JANNINGS
Exactly what I feared. He said the future will
be in the new German Film Industry that will be
led by Josef Goebbels, who, he said, admires me,
as does Hitler.
GERRON
Well, then, remember what was said by Rabbi
Prinz, it is permissible to cooperate with the
Nazis to preserve your life as long as no other
life is taken.
JANNINGS
It may not be so simple. Art for the Nazis will be
anathema to the whole world and anyone cooperating
will be deemed a whore for Hitler’s film industry.
GERRON
Emil, they will understand. If you refuse to work
with them, your life and your family would suffer.
ALBERS
Then, God help us all. I still have to figure out
How to keep Hansi safe.
GERRON
Peter Lorre told me if the Nazis take over, he’ll go
to America. We all have a great deal to plan for.
The big word for it all is HOW DO WE SURVIVE.
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PS80 Michelle Damis Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is just start writing even if you are unsure. It feels good to progress even if the assignment doesn’t feel perfect.
The Promise: A threat (actually a few)
What matters: Saving someone
The delay: Barriers/Complications/unknownsEXT. SHIPPING YARDS – NIGHT
Osgood quickly walks between shipping containers, Nina follows in the distance.
He rounds a crate coming upon the two vampires that were at the house “trick-or-treating”. They are just finishing up on a victim that is slumped on the ground.
Nina can see Osgood but not who he is talking to. She needs to find a different view without getting caught.
VAMPIRE 1
OZY! You missed dinner!
They both shrug and shake their heads in disapproval.
VAMPIRE 2
He wouldn’t have liked this one anyway. Not his style.
They both laugh. Osgood stone-faced with anger.
Nina is making her way to a better viewpoint, trying not to make a sound.
OSGOOD
Consider this your only warning.
Vampire 1 steps up for the challenge, while Vampire 2 pretends to “shake in his boots”.
VAMPIRE 1
Let me guess. You want me to stay away from your new, happy, little home?
VAMPIRE 2
I don’t know Ozy, you know I can’t control myself around a wholesome mortal, and these guys…
He brings his fingers to his lips in the style of an Italian chef signaling “perfection”.
Nina can hear them and is very troubled by what she is hearing, but still can’t get a good view.
OSGOOD
They are OFF limits.
VAMPIRE 2
Oh….OK…. Yes, SIR.
He salutes Osgood.
Vampire 1 has moved in uncomfortably close to Osgood.
Nearby Nina knocks something to the ground and freezes. She is so close to being able to see who he is talking to.
They hear the noise and stiffen. All 3 sniff the air and seem confused that they are not picking up any scent… Strange.
VAMPIRE 1
You know it was my idea that you move out to the suburbs?
OSGOOD
So.
VAMPIRE 1
So… I should get some sort of “commission” shouldn’t I?
Osgood is not amused.
VAMPIRE 1
Maybe they have some friends that have worn their welcome? Nosy neighbors? Come on…throw an old pal a bone, won’t you?
Osgood steps within inches of his face.
OSGOOD
If either of you come near any of them again, I will hunt you down and kill you.
VAMPIRE 2
Really? You are willing to face the council for these mortals? Interesting.
OSGOOD
I have several hundred more years experience with the council than you do. I’m not worried
Nina is just about to get a full view.
NINA
Council?(whispering to herself)
Confused. She slowly peeks around the corner and must stifle a scream as she sees the dead body. Unable to look away she watches Vampire 1 kneel down for another “sip”.
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Pablo’s Suspense
What I learned: I definitely could make this more suspenseful. Deadlines, time crunches help. But I think I could do more. I’ll have to keep thinking. Catching the bus and having Sapo’s men go after Irma is a bit too easy but it is a start.
1. Promise an event…
B. A threat
2. …that matters…
It has to do with:
E. Something valuable at stake
3. …and delay the delivery.
H. Barriers and complications arise.
The Promise: If they are caught trying to cross the border, they have to work for the men who killed her husband.
What matters: The lives and well-being of her children.
The delay: Gangsters are after them and a fleet of drones follows their every move, all but ensuring their capture.
IRMA: We need to go.
ANDRES: I’m tired.
IRMA: You can sleep on the bus.
ANTONIO: The bus? We’re leaving today?
IRMA: Right now.
ANTONIO: What about dad?
IRMA: He’ll have to meet us there.
ANDRES: Where?
IRMA: Texas.
ANDRES: Texas!
IRMA: Shh.
ANTONIO: We haven’t packed.
IRMA: Grab what you can.
As the three of them scramble silently. Elena is at the open doorway.
ELENA: What are you doing? You can stay longer if you need to.
IRMA: Keep packing. Antonio, fill up some water bottles.
Irma takes Elena to the bedroom.
ELENA: What’s wrong.
IRMA: Sapo was here.
ELENA: When?
IRMA: A couple of hours ago.
ELENA: Let me guess. He offered you a job at the casino?
IRMA: It wasn’t exactly an offer. He told me to be there at 8am.
ELENA: Well why not just take the job?
IRMA: Elena…No.
Elena doesn’t argue.
IRMA: Sapo said that you would take me there in the morning.
ELENA: Irma-
IRMA: Why didn’t you tell me?
ELENA: I didn’t have much of a choice, Irma. I needed the money and there are benefits working for them
Beat.
IRMA: Did you tell him that we were staying with you.
ELENA: Irma. He knew. He knows everything.
Irma shakes her head.
IRMA: Your cousin. In Salamayuca.
ELENA: Carlos? Are you serious?
IRMA: Let him know we’re coming. How do I find him?
ELENA: Irma-
IRMA: Elena! We don’t have a lot of time.
Beat.
ELENA: You’re taking the bus?
IRMA: Yes.
ELENA: He’ll meet you there. I’ll let him know.
IRMA: Thank you.
ELENA: What should I tell Sapo?
IRMA: Tell him that we went to Monterey. Ricardo has family there.
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The boys are packed and waiting. Irma grabs her things.
IRMA: We have to get there before the sun comes up.
ANTONIO: That’ll be soon.
ELENA: You can make it.
The two hug each other. Elena then hugs and kisses the boys. Elena opens the front door and check if the coast is clear.
IRMA: You have to be quiet. No talking until we get to the station.
Only Andres nods. Antonio is stone cold. Once Elenea thinks it’s safe enough, she signals them out and the three of them head out briskly.
Throughout the short excursion, the three of them run through light traffic as the pueblo is slow to start the day. Light begins to peak over the horizon, an orange hue over the dark sky. They arrive at the bus station with a short line of people. The same teller is at the ticket booth. She looks up at the departure times. SALAMAYUCA – 5:15AM. Irma checks the clock on the wall. 5:30am. The next departure is at 7:15am.
IRMA: Shit.
ANTONIO: Are we even allowed to use advanced tickets?
IRMA: We’ll get on the bus anyway.
ANTONIO: You think they won’t notice?
IRMA: Ask for forgiveness, not permission. Come on, let’s wait over here.
INT. CASINO – MORNING
Elena, clocks in for her shift. Fixing up her tight uniform and pulling down her short skirt.
SAPO (O.S): You look fine, my dear.
ELENA: I didn’t see you there. Thank you.
SAPO: Where’s Irma?
ELENA: She’s coming later. I’ll meet her at the start of her shift.
Sapo checks his watch.
SAPO: You’re early.
ELENA: Yeah I forgot I switched my shift.
Sapo nods.
SAPO: Still. I asked you to bring Irma with you.
ELENA: You told her 8am.
Sapo takes breath.
SAPO: If I were to send for her, would she be at your house?
ELENA: Probably.
SAPO: Probably?
ELENA: Yes. She was there when I left.
Sapo backhands. Elena catches her balance. When Sapo gets up in her face and she goes stiff.
SAPO: You have a very bad poker face.
Beat.
ELENA: I… I was going to tell you.
SAPO: Tell me what?
ELENA: She left. With her boys.
Sapo punches the wall next to Elena but his face is just as calm as when he entered.
SAPO: Where, Elena?
ELENA: Monterey.
Sapo stares at Elena.
SAPO: We’ll talk about this later.
Sapo pushes a button on his walkie talkie.
SAPO: Tomas
TOMAS: Yeah?
SAPO: Send a few men to the bus station. Irma is there with her boys.
TOMAS: Got it.
-
Janeen’s Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is
Characters:
Morgan Day <div>Basic Character Traits:
Insecure; Curious/Eager to learn; Perfectionist — can’t leave well enough alone; Bold under pressure
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Crafty
Logline: Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who wants to help other women to prove to herself that she is not just a trophy wife.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends to believe she is inferior to her husband. Collects friends who help intimidated women while not realizing she is intimidated. Pretends altruism while her work is a form of revenge against her husband.
Daniel Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Temperamental artist; Insecure; Incredibly good designer; Perfectionist
Subtext Character Traits: Cloaking, Vengeful
Logline: Daniel is a fashion designer who finds himself venting his frustrations with his clients on his submissive wife but Morgan is somehow empowering his wife to defy him and that must stop.
Possible areas of subtext: Obsequiously bows to his clients’ wishes in fashion. Gets as nitpicky with his wife at home as he feels his clients are with him. Hates anyone who challenges his right to be absolutely, unequivocally in charge at home.
Amber Richards
Basic Character Traits:
Loving; Gentle; Long-suffering; Fiercely protective of her kids;
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Secretive
Logline: Amber is a good mother and must find the courage to protect herself and her children from her vicious husband before he kills them.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends she is in control in front of her children no matter what Daniel is doing to her.
The Promise: Daniel will be charged with abuse or Amber will be abused worse for having asked for help or — partway through the scene — that something bad will happen to Morgan for getting involved.
What matters: Keeping Amber safe
The delay: Statements must be taken, lies must be (hopefully) sorted out, and Amber must get away from Daniel, not be frightened into returning to him.
SCENE
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
The police bring DANIEL out of the house in handcuffs. AMBER and her toddlers creep out after him and huddle against the wall.
The police are stoic. One of them gets in the car and types up a report while the other waits outside with Daniel.
DANIEL
Amber, I know this is just a mistake. I’ll be fine. I’ll be back as soon as my lawyer clears this up. I love you. Tell the kids I love them when you put them to bed tonight.
Amber shrinks into the wall a little more, tears streaming down her cheeks as Daniel goes on.
DANIEL
I’ve always loved you and I’d never hurt you. You know that.
EXT. MORGAN’S CAR – CONTINUOUS
MORGAN checks the time.
MORGAN
Ten minutes. What the hell is taking so long?
She starts her car again and puts it in gear.
MORGAN
Be strong, Amber.
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
Morgan’s car whips into the drive and pulls up next to the police car. Morgan unlatches her seatbelt and jumps out of the car.
Daniel pulls himself as ramrod straight as he can while in cuffs when he sees Morgan.
DANIEL
You! I should have known it would be you.
POLICE 1
You know this woman?
DANIEL
She’s a spurned lover. She’ll do anything to break up Amber and I. She’s been accosting my wife everywhere she goes, telling her to give me up so she can have me. The woman is insane. Tell him, Amber.
AMBER cringes against the house holding her kids even closer, looking wildly at Morgan and then Daniel, but saying nothing.
POLICE 1
Ma’am, are you the person that called the police?
MORGAN
Of course I did. Amber asked me to.
Amber shakes visibly as she cowers further from Daniel.
DANIEL
You should arrest her. Amber will tell you that we’ve argued, but I’d never hurt her or the kids. This woman is a client of mine and she’s gotten it into her head that she can break up my wife and I and have me all to herself.
Morgan gets up in Daniel’s face.
MORGAN
Don’t believe this monster. She still has bruises from the last time he beat her.
Pointing to Amber.
MORGAN
She asked for my help.
DANIEL
Keep her away from me.
The policeman in the car gets out and takes Morgan’s arm, escorting her back to her car.
POLICE 2
I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to remain in your car. We’ll take your statement as soon as we’re done processing Mr. Richards.
Police 1 puts Daniel in the back of the squad car and shuts the door.
Police 2 leans down to talk to Morgan.
POLICE 2
Do you want to give your statement here or at the station.
Morgan looks at Amber, huddled with the kids, then at Daniel sitting in the police car and giving her a death stare.
MORGAN
Here. He’s going to tell you a lot of lies and I want you to corroborate what I’m saying with his wife.
POLICE 2
We’ll take his wife’s statement too. Let’s start with yours.
</div>
-
Emmanuel’s Suspense
What I learned doing this assignment is suspense in scenes is an important tool to keep the reader engaged. Sometimes suspense is revealed right away and other times it’s dispersed over several scenes.
-
Jodi’s Suspense – Day 3
Creating suspense makes for an interesting scene. Add in Anticipatory dialogue and it helps shape the suspense.
Tiffany Brumstead: Amorous, Adventurous, Flighty
Wendell White: Devoted, Square, Safe
Susan Carly: Sweet, High Standards. She is Wendell’s sister.
Brad Pendell: Gregarious, Fun loving
The Promise: A couple is getting married
What matters: They seem to love each other
The delay: Opposition to the goal and ComplicationsINT. CHURCH, BROOM CLOSET – DAY
Sounds of pleasure are pouring out from the broom closet, TIFFANY and BRAD are in the midst of a passionate moment.
TIFFANY, VO: Oh Brad, you’re sooo gooood. I love you.
BRAD, VO: Oh, oh, Tiff, oh Tiff, I love you too. Oh, Oh.
People who are passing by detect these sounds but can’t seem to find where it’s coming from because of the acoustics in the church. Two LADIES who are right outside the closet look disturbed as they quickly pass on by. The closet sounds are silent for a second.
TIFFANY, VO: Cmon’. We only have a few minutes.
BRAD, VO: You have twenty minutes.
TIFFANY, VO: Lots of last minute fixes.
BRAD, VO: Okay, right behind you.
INT. CHURCH, ENTRY WAY – SAME
Tiffany cracks open the door and peeks out to see if anyone is around. The coast is clear, she comes out in a wedding dress, she straightens her slip and dress, then her veil. She leans her head back into the closet, they have a parting smooch. Then she walks out and heads off.
Brad peeks out of the closet and then also comes out. He is in a black tuxedo, he pats down his outer pockets on his jacket casually, then a bit more frantically. He reaches into the inside pocket
and gives a big sigh of relief. He heads in the opposite direction.
INT. CHURCH – SAME
Brad walks along the back of the church on the right side. Guests are in their best attire. Clearly, a wedding ceremony is about to take place.
WENDELL, also dressed in a tuxedo meets him halfway.
WENDELL: Straighten your hair man, you look like Einstein got hit in a wind tunnel.
Brad quickly begins smoothing his hair down.
WENDELL (cont.): What happened? I was worried you went awol. You ready?
BRAD: I’m ready man, how about you?
WENDELL: Yep. It’ll be forever, I just know it.
The two start to head down to the front right wing of the staging area, as they are walking a young man looks at Brad and gives him the ‘thumbs up’ sign. Wendell looks at the kid. Then, one of the lady’s that was next to the closet earlier looks with disgust. Wendell looks perplexed.
LADY: (whispers to friend) They won’t last through the ceremony.
WENDELL: That lady’s snearing at us.
BRAD: Hmmm, must be jealous.
They laugh quietly as they continue heading to the front wing. Brad and Wendell join TERRY the other Groomsman. The PASTOR approaches them.
PASTOR: Okay, gentlemen are you all ready?
WENDELL: (Chuckling) We’ve been waiting a long time for this.
BRAD: (evasively) Yep.
TERRY: It’s about time.
Terry nudges Brad.
PASTOR: Okay, get in your order, the proceeding will begin as soon as I walk out and stand center stage. Any questions?
TERRY: No, we’re good.
WENDELL: Got it.
The Pastor looks at his watch.
PASTOR: Okay Gentlemen, let’s rock and roll.
The Pastor takes a step.
WENDELL: Wait, wait, Brad where’s your boutonniere?
BRAD: Oh jeez!
Brad frantically feels in all his pockets. The Pastor looks at his watch.
PASTOR: We have to start boys.
WENDELL: What do we do? You can’t go out without one.
TERRY: Break em in half. If we break them in half, no one will know the difference.
WENDELL: Good call! That’s our Mohammad for you.
The Pastor looks curious.
WENDELL (cont.): Terry’s always fast on his feet. Gets us out of a lot of jams, like this one.
WENDELL/BRAD: (chuckling) Faster than a butterfly and stings like a bee.
The Pastor nods knowingly.
Terry is breaking the two boutonnieres so they all match.
TERRY: Now, we just need an extra pin.
Wendell reaches into his pocket and pulls out an ink pen.
PASTOR: We gotta go, I’ll walk slowly and stall.
WENDELL: Will this work?
TERRY: Yeah, good man.
Terry grabs the ink pen, unscrews it and uses the small ink vessel to hold Brad’s boutonniere in place.
BRAD: You’re genius man.
TERRY: You owe me a beer.
WENDELL: Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.
Wendell pushes Brad toward the stage. They hurriedly shuffle forward. First Brad, then Wendell, then Terry.
Wendell moves past Brad and stands next to the Pastor. They all look towards the entry, seconds later the song A Thousand years begins as MABEL the bridesmaid and SUSAN the maid of honor, walk down the aisle. They take their place as Susan glares at Brad. Wendell takes notice.
WENDELL: (sotto) Hmmm.
Everyone turns to watch the ring boy as he comes down the aisle.
WENDELL: (whispers) Why is everyone pissed off at you today?
Somewhat frightened, the flower girl wanders down the aisle throwing rose petals, but not really knowing why. The congregation grins and coos at her innocence. Three quarters down the aisle she runs to her Mommy’s lap.
BRAD: (perspiring) You got me.
The song Here comes the Bride begins. Everyone stands as Tiffany and her Father walk down the aisle together. At the altar, Tiffany gives a wink to Brad. Everyone sits.
The Pastor begins his recital.
PASTOR: Dearly beloved and honored guests, we are gathered together here to join Wendell and Tiffany in the union of marriage. This contract is not to be entered into lightly —
Wendell starts thinking back as he replays all the peculiarities about Brad that happened. From the boy’s thumbs up, the lady and Susan sneering, the disheveled hair, his lateness, his lost boutonniere, to what he thought was an innocent wink from Tiffany.
PASTOR: But thoughtfully and seriously, and with a deep realization of its obligations and responsibilities. Tiffany, do you take Wendell to be your husband? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect him, forsaking all others, and holding only unto him forevermore?
TIFFANY: I do
PASTOR: And Wendell, do you take Tiffany to be your wife? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect her, forsaking all others, and holding only unto her forevermore?
Wendell doesn’t answer, he looks at Susan who is now in tears. He looks at Brad who now has blue ink exploding onto his shirt and tuxedo. There is dead silence in the room, the air is thick with tension. Wendell looks at Tiffany who is mouthing to him in an angry fashion to answer.
WENDELL: I don’t
The room is filled with astonishment, moans and sighs, some sounds of victory, some of confusion. Tiffany starts sobbing, and then gets angry and embarrassed. Wendell turns to walk out.
BRAD: Hey buddy, I —
WENDELL: You got something on your shirt.
He stops to shake Terry’s hand.
WENDELL:
I should have made you my best man.
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