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Day 3 Assignment
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SCENE SUMMARY (A.K.A. BEAT SHEET)
Below is the Beat Sheet substantially revised after coverage notes from Terri Zinner.
Title: Catch Her If You Can
Genre: Romantic Drama
Concept: A gay private investigator is asked by her boss to track his wife, whom he believes is having an affair with another man, but when the investigator discovers that the wife is also gay, their relationship develops into something very different from what her boss had envisaged.
1. FADE IN
2. INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – EVENING
Lauren Milford, 33, comes into her bedroom, and finds Cathy, her partner of 2 years, also 33, packing clothes into a suitcase open on the bed. Cathy explains that she’s going to stay with her ex-husband to comfort him after his girlfriend moved out.
3. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – EVENING
Cathy leaves without saying good-bye.
4. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that Cathy left. He’s sympathetic.
5. EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOUSE – DAY
Cal and Sylvia Knifton are leaving home in the morning to head off to work in their separate cars. He pleads with her to accompany him to a fundraiser that evening, but she refuses.
6. EXT. TWO STOREY OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
7. INT. TWO STORY OFFICE BUILDING – CORRIDOR – DAY
8. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia, an architect, sits at her desk on her cell phone, calling a man named Cliff.
9. INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE DEVELOPMENT – DAY
Inside a commercial office building under construction, the works manager, Cliff Milford, stands in the middle of a large open area on his cell phone with Sylvia.
10. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia arranges with Cliff to come by the site for an inspection tomorrow morning.
11. INT. ATTORNEY’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal Knifton’s attorney explains to him that if Sylvia commits an act of marital infidelity then their prenup is void, so she won’t be entitled to half of his assets.
12. INT. COMMERCIAL OFFICE BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – DAY
13. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal pops into Lauren’s office and tells her he has a sensitive new case he’d like her to pick up, but he’ll have Mel drop in later to brief her on it.
14. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
Mel drops into Lauren’s office and tells her Cal suspects Sylvia of infidelity, and he’d like Lauren to track her to find evidence.
15. EXT. ROAD OUTSIDE CAL AND SYLVIA KNIFTON’S HOME – DAY
Lauren is waiting outside the Knifton’s home in her car to begin her surveillance of Sylvia when Cliff drives out and suggests she waits up the road on the other side of the house because of the way Sylva comes out. He drives off. Sylvia drives out and Lauren follows her.
16. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
17. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – DAY
18. EXT. RESIDENTIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Lauren follows Sylvia to her office and then to a residential construction site, which Sylvia inspects.
19. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren watches Sylvia having lunch with three other women. Sylvia talks to one of them, Maddy, about her unhappy relationship with Cal. Maddy recommends she leave him.
20. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
21. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BUILDING – EVENING
22. EXT. CAL AND SYLVIA’S HOME – EVENING
23. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – EVENING
24. INT. CAL’S CAR – EVENING
25. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren follows Sylvia for the rest of the day. At the end of the day Lauren is waiting in her car near Sylvia’s home when Cliff approaches in his. He calls Lauren on his cell phone for a report on the day’s surveillance. Lauren tells him there was nothing out of the ordinary.
26. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Lauren pops into Mel’s office and tells him that after two weeks of tracking Sylvia she’s seen nothing out of the ordinary. Lauren is skeptical about whether anything is going on at all. Mel insists that Cliff will expect her to continue.
Mel asks Lauren how things are with her former roommate Cathy. Lauren explains that Cathy has moved back in with her ex-husband.
27. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
28. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
When Lauren follows Sylvia to a commercial construction site, she is surprised to find that the works foreman Sylvia is dealing with is Lauren’s father, Cliff.
Cliff and Sylvia obviously get on well, each having a healthy respect for the other’s professional abilities.
Two young workers observe the congenial conversation between their boss and the architect, Sylvia, and one of them speculates to the other that the boss must fancy her. The other replies that’s unlikely because the boss has previously said the “she walks on the other side of the street”.
29. EXT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – FRONT DOOR – NIGHT
30. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
31. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren visits her dad at home, and is unsettled when he tells her that he saw her at the site. She’s worried that Sylvia might have recognized her there too. Cliff reassures her that it was her car he recognized, not her, and suggests Sylvia would not know her car. Cliff asks Lauren why she’s trailing Sylvia. When Lauren tells him, he scoffs at the idea of Sylvia having an affair with another man, because, he says, without any judgment or condemnation “she belongs to your club”. When Lauren asks Cliff how he can be so sure, he replies that he has a good instinct about these things because Lauren’s mother was gay. Lauren is very surprised, particularly when Cliff goes on to tell her that her mother had a longstanding relationship with Aunty Rose – not really her aunt – who took care of both her mother’s needs and Cliff’s.
32. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
33. EXT. ANOTHER OFFICE BLOCK ELSEWHERE DOWNTOWN – DAY
34. EXT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE BLOCK – DAY
Lauren’s surveillance of Sylvia continues.
35. INT. KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – MEL BRIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Cal has learned from Sylvia that she’s aware of Lauren following her. Cal is pissed and wants Mel to terminate Lauren.
36. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
37. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Mel calls Lauren back to the office.
38. INT. CAFE BELOW KNIFTON AGENCY OFFICES – DAY
Mel gives Lauren an immediate termination letter.
39. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – NIGHT
40. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad why she’s been fired. He’s surprised that Sylvia would have fingered her, because he thought Sylvia was such a decent type. Lauren responds that she doesn’t know what happened.
41. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
42. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
43. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s apartment to apologize over her having been fired. Sylvia said she knew because Lauren’s father had called her to tell her. Sylvia suggests there might be an opening for an accountant at her office. Lauren thanks her politely but shows no sign at this stage of wanting to follow up.
44. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
45. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
46. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Lauren calls her dad to thank him for his intervention with Sylvia.
47. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE LOBBY – DAY
48. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
49. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENSUITE – DAY
Lauren is surprised to come home to find Cathy showering in her bathroom.
50. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Cathy apologizes for intruding but pleads she had nowhere else to go after things didn’t work out again with her ex-husband. Her brother’s new girlfriend has moved in with him, so she couldn’t go there, and she couldn’t go home to her parents because they were disgusted with her after she’d moved in with Lauren.
Lauren gives Cathy two days to find somewhere else, but Cathy pleads to be accepted back. Lauren is firm in her refusal.
51. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
Lauren is folding copies of her resume into envelopes with job applications. Cathy comes in and Lauren reminds her firmly that she needs to find somewhere else to stay.
52. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – DAY
Lauren wakes surprised to find Cathy in her bed cuddling her. Lauren jumps out of bed and tells Cathy it’s not on.
53. EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – NIGHT
Cal arrives home and notices Sylvia’s car parked in the street, with two suitcases in the back seat.
54. INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
When he gets inside, Sylvia tells him she’s leaving. After a heated discussion, she goes.
55. INT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
56. EXT. CAL KNIFTON’S HOME – FRONT GARDEN – NIGHT
Sylvia leaves.
57. INT. OFFICE SUITE LOBBY – DAY
Lauren arrives for a job interview with a firm of financial advisors.
58. INT. PREMINO AND RENTON’S OFFICE – CONFERENCE ROOM – DAY
The interview is promising.
59. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – DAY
60. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – DAY
61. INSERT – THE CARD READS
62. BACK TO SCENE
Lauren arrives home to find Cathy gone. She is relieved. Cathy has left her a vase of fresh flowers with a thank you note.
63. EXT – COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
64. INT. COMMERCIAL BUILDING UNDER CONSTRUCTION – DAY
65. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
66. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
67. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Sylvia goes for a routine inspection again at Lauren’s dad’s worksite. Cliff tells Sylvia that Lauren has a new job, and suggests she get in touch with Lauren again because he’s sure she would be happy to hear from her.
68. INT. – LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
69. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE AT WORK – DAY
70. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to congratulate her on her new job. Sylvia invites Lauren for lunch to celebrate, because she’s feels so badly about being responsible for what happened to her at Knifton’s. Lauren accepts.
71. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Lauren has made dinner for her father at home. Cliff once again mentions how nice he thinks Sylvia is. Lauren chides him for what she sees as his match-making efforts. He laughs it off.
72. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia meet for lunch. There’s some discussion about what happened with Cathy and Cal respectively. Sylvia is subtle about it, but she obviously takes note of the fact that Lauren’s former partner was a woman.
73. EXT. OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia farewell one another outside the restaurant, agreeing it would be nice to get together again.
74. EXT. STREET OUTSIDE A BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and her friend Maddy approach a bar.
75. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Sylvia and Maddy reminisce about college days, when Maddy’s current partner, Cheryl, and Sylvia were a couple. Maddy tells Sylvia that Cheryl is pregnant. Sylvia tells Maddy she’s finally left Cal. Maddy offers her hearty congratulations.
76. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Cliff tells Lauren there’s to be a ribbon-cutting ceremony to open his project next week, and invites her to come. She’s happy to accept.
77. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – NIGHT
At the ceremony, Lauren runs into Sylvia, who’s there in her capacity as the project’s architect. They agree to get together for dinner on Friday next week.
78. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – BEDROOM – NIGHT
79. INT. LAUREN’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Cliff is at Lauren’s apartment tightening a loose hinge on her closet door. He tells her of his suspicions about safety standards being cut on his new job, and that he’s going to send a copy of the plans to Sylvia for her to check them.
80. INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Lauren and Sylvia have a pleasant dinner together. Sylvia invites Lauren back to her place for a nightcap.
81. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – NIGHT
Lauren follows Sylvia’s car to Sylvia’s apartment building.
82. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
83. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
84. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
Sylvia and Lauren have a pleasant drink together. When Lauren is leaving, there is a mild contretemps when Sylvia begins to lean in to kiss her, but pulls back and apologetically says she forgets how “we do this”. Lauren is understanding and says that Sylvia will remember when she’s ready.
85. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
86. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives a call from her boss, Malcolm Coleridge telling her that Ken Reynolds, from the firm’s construction attorneys, is in his office discussing the plans she got from Cliff Milford. Reynolds invites Sylvia to join them.
87. INT. MALCOLM COLERIDGE’S OFFICE – DAY
Reynolds explains that as far as his inquiries have been able to go so far, there is no indication that the plans for the new job Cliff Milford is working on were ever approved by the Town Planning Office. He notes that the implication of that is that any insurance coverage on the project would be voided.
Sylvia enquires about the implication of that for approval for occupancy of the building once it’s finished. Reynolds replies that it would be a problem, but he expects the developer would slip some money across the table to someone at the Town Planning Office to take care of that.
88. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
Cliff discovers a large crack in the ceiling of the building under construction. He urges his workers to go outside while he is to go upstairs to investigate.
89. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 2<sup>ND</sup> FLOOR – DAY
When Cliff goes upstairs to investigate, the floor collapses and he disappears in the dust and rubble.
90. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
The two workers, alarmed by the collapse, go back into the building to search for Cliff.
91. INT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – 1<sup>ST</sup> FLOOR – DAY
The two workers find Cliff unconscious and dial 911.
92. EXT. COMMERCIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Cliff is taken away in an ambulance.
93. INT. SYLVIA’S OFFICE – DAY
94. INT. CHARGE DESK AT ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – DAY
95. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia receives an inquiry from a sister at St. Margaret’s hospital about Cliff Milford’s next of kin.
96. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
97. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
Sylvia calls Lauren to alert her about the call from the hospital.
98. INT. LAUREN’S OFFICE – DAY
99. INTERCUT – TELEPHONE CONVERSATION
The sister calls Lauren to tell her that her dad has been in an accident at work and been admitted to the hospital.
100. INT. LAUREN’S CAR – DAY
101. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
102. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FIRST FLOOR – DAY
103. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – FOURTH FLOOR – DAY
Lauren drives to the hospital and is directed to the fourth floor.
104. INT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ROOM 412 – DAY
Lauren is relieved to find her dad conscious and essentially okay. While she’s there, Sylvia arrives and confirms that her review of the plans Cliff sent her did indicate that there had been shortcuts on the safety measures. A doctor comes in and tells Cliff that now Lauren has arrived, she can take him home.
105. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – ENTRANCE – DAY
106. EXT. ST. MARGARET’S HOSPITAL – PUBLIC CARPARK – DAY
Lauren and Sylvia escort Cliff to Lauren’s car. Lauren sees him into the front passenger seat.
Lauren thanks Sylvia for coming. There’s a mild contretemps when Lauren attempts some physical intimacy at their parting. They agree to get together another day for lunch.
107. INT. RESTAURANT – DAY
Sylvia talks to her friend Maddy about how much she likes Lauren.
108. EXT. PUBLIC PARK NEAR CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – DAY
Lauren tells her dad she thinks Sylvia is holding back. He counsels her to be patient.
109. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Cal calls at Sylvia’s apartment, without prior notice, “to go over a few things”.
110. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – DINING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal lays out on the dining table some papers he wants Sylvia to sign in connection with their impending divorce. Sylvia wants time to review them. Their meeting is interrupted when her intercom rings.
111. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Cal leaves.
112. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – ELEVATOR LOBBY – NIGHT
Cal runs into Lauren in the lift lobby. There’s a testy exchange. Sylvia greets Lauren at the doorway of her apartment. They exchange kisses on the cheek.
113. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The mood between Lauren and Sylvia becomes tense after Lauren asks Sylvia if she thinks Cal came over to try to make up. Sylvia says she must look over the papers Cal brought. Lauren gets up to leave.
114. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
There’s no physical contact between the two as Lauren leaves.
115. INT. MEL BRIDGES’ OFFICE – DAY
Cal asks Mel why he thinks Lauren would have been at Sylvia’s apartment. He’s worried Lauren might give Sylvia information to help her with the divorce settlement.
116. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Lauren tells her dad that she thinks Sylvia is holding back.
117. EXT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – FRONT PORCH – NIGHT
118. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
119. INT. CLIFF MILFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose Crawford comes to visit Cliff. He tells her about Lauren’s issues with Sylvia.
120. INT. SYLVIA KNIFTON’S OFFICE – DAY
Rose calls Sylvia to ask her if they could talk.
121. INT. GROCERY STORE – DAY
Sylvia calls Rose back and invites her home for a chat.
122. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
123. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
124. EXT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT BUILDING – FRONT ENTRANCE – NIGHT
125. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – ENTRANCE HALL – NIGHT
126. INT. SYLVIA’S APARTMENT – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose calls on Sylvia and talks to her about Lauren’s mom. This makes Sylvia feel a lot more comfortable about herself.
127. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
128. INT. CLIFF’S HOUSE – BEDROOM – NIGHT
Rose reports back to Cliff on his meeting with Sylvia. They go to bed together.
129. INT. LAUREN MILFORD’S OFFICE – DAY
Sylvia calls at Lauren’s office. They kiss without restraint.
130. INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
131. INT. – ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE – KITCHEN – NIGHT
132. INT. ROSE CRAWFORD’S HOUSE LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Rose, Cliff, Lauren and Sylvia all have dinner together at Rose’s house.
133. FADE OUT
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Bob’s Story Beats
What I learned during this assignment was to use other scenes to help inform future scenes.
Logline: When a married couple undergoing training to recognize each other in future lives die prematurely, the reincarnated husband must convince his reincarnated wife she is his soulmate before she marries her fiancé in less than a week.
1. EXT. – NEW YORK CITY THANKSGIVING 1987 – BROADWAY AND 51<sup>ST</sup> STREET
Amanda and Martin Cole are rushing from different directions to meet for their tenth anniversary. Amanda is crossing the Thanksgiving Day parade route and is almost taken out by a giant Snoopy balloon. She is rescued by Martin and they enjoy a laugh.
2. INT. – BROADWAY DINER
Amanda and Martin exchange anniversary gifts. She gives him a pocket watch she bought at a pawn shop. He gives her tickets to the opening of Phantom of the Opera premiering on Broadway in January 1988. Amanda says she believes they are eternal soulmates and have been married many times in many lives before. Skeptic Martin gets a sense of déjà vu when he touches the pocket watch and reads the inscription. Amanda notes that in some lives they miss each other, and wouldn’t it be nice if they always reunited.
3. INT. – FOSTER AND ANDERSON ENGINEERS
Martin’s college buddy and co-worker David (who procured the Phantom tickets) discuss his anniversary lunch and Amanda’s contention regarding soulmates. They speculate (in a scientific way) if one can direct their souls in future lives.
4. INT. – NEW YORK MUSEUM OF MODERN ART
Amanda works at the museum with her best friend Carol. They are putting together a display that features soulmates and twin flames and includes a painting entitled “Love of Souls.” They too speculate on soulmates. Amanda is sure Martin is her soulmate; Carol is sure that she missed her soulmate this life with her husband, Jack.
5. INT. – COLE HOUSE
A quiet evening by the fireplace. Martin tells Amanda he has engaged a psychiatrist to train them to recognize each other in future lives.
6. EXT. – TRIP TO NEW YORK FROM NEW JERSEY VIA ROUTE 3 AND LINCOLN TUNNEL
Martin and Amanda drive to New York from their suburban home. Along the way they pass the pawn shop where Amanda bought the pocket watch and signs for the opening of Phantom of the Opera. Martin drives poorly in the tunnel foreshadowing events to come.
7. INT. – DR. VOLGER’S BUILDING, WAITING ROOM, AND OFFICE
Dr. Volger explains the training process and its eastern religion basis. Martin and Amanda agree to undergo the process of training.
8. INT. – FOSTER AND ANDERSON ENGINEERS
David kids Martin about being taken by the psychiatrist. Martin shows signs of being “sensitive.”
9. INT. – GREENWICH VILLAGE CHURCH (WERE MARTIN AND AMANDA WERE MARRIED)
Dr. Volger informs Martin and Amanda that training requires them to visit spots that were special in their relationship.
10. MONTAGE OF SHOTS TO MUSIC (Eternal Flame by the Bangels)
· Jersey Shore – splashing in the surf. Martin carries Amanda out of the water.
· Seaside Heights Boardwalk – Martin wins a stuffed blue bear for Amanda by putting a softball in a large jug. Amanda hugs the bear close to her.
· Central Park Lake – Martin and Amanda canoe on the lake.
· McSorley’s Old Ale House – Martin, two ales in hand, guards the door to the unisex bathroom while several desperate male patrons protest. Amanda comes out and Martin hands her an ale.
· Toyota Corolla at Night – Martin and Amanda in a clutch. Martin fixes her hair behind her ear.
· New York City Street Cart – Martin buys a New York pretzel and feeds Amanda.
· Bronx Zoo – Martin and Amanda ride an elephant.
· Madison Square Garden – Martin and Amanda enjoy a rock concert as the music concludes.
11. INT. – COLE HOUSE FAMILY ROOM
Martin and Amanda host a Christmas party with David and his wife, Margie and Carol and her husband, Jack. Couples discuss Dr. Volger’s latest requirement that the couple select totems that remind them of each other. Amanda reveals she chose the pocket watch since it has already been through multiple lives with them.
12. INT. – COLE BEDROOM
Martin reveals his selection for Amanda – the stuffed bear he won for her.
13. INT. – DR. VOLGER’S OFFICE
Dr. Volger hypnotizes each of them and trains them to meditate on the totems.
14. EXT. – NEW YORK SIDEWALK CAFÉ
Amanda has coffee with Carol. Amanda is skeptical about the training process but doesn’t want to end it for Martin’s sake. A street gypsy comes to the table and warns them not to mess with destiny.
15. INT. – COLE BEDROOM
Martin and Amanda get ready to see Phantom of the Opera.
16. EXT. – OUTSIDE MAJESTIC THEATER
Martin and Amanda leaving the theater after the Phantom. They playfully contemplate getting a room and staying in the city just as their car is delivered and they head home to Jersey as the snow is falling.
17. EXT. – TRAVELING THROUGH LINCOLN TUNNEL (END OF ACT ONE)
Martin drives badly through the tunnel. The Corolla gets in an accident and rolls over. Martin and Amanda are killed. Fade to white.
18. EXT. – NEW YORK CITY – TWENTY-FIVE YEARS LATER – ONE WEEK BEFORE THANKSGIVING
Establishing the jump to the future.
19. INT. – YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES OFFICE
The building is the same one formerly occupied by Foster and Anderson Engineers. Jeff Ash (Martin reincarnate) is approached by his best friend Matt to come out with him for a few beers. Jeff is reluctant but Matt insists.
20. INT. – ADAM’S BAR
Jeff and Matt at the bar. It is unusually full and packed mostly with women. Another group of women including Rebecca Diamond (Amanda Cole reincarnate) and her best friend and protector, Gwen, arrive. Rebecca is a bit tipsy and trips in front of Jeff. Jeff catches her but before they can really talk, Gwen calls Rebecca over – it’s her bachelorette party. Jeff is totally taken in by Rebecca – he has to get to know her. Any move he was going to make is interrupted by the DJ who announces its ladies’ night and an all-male review is about to start. To meet Rebecca, Jeff steels his nerves with more beer and ends up stripping for her. Gwen, seeing what’s happening cuts it off and moves Rebecca to the seat of honor for the male review.
21. INT. – MATT’S APARTMENT
Jeff wakes up with a hangover and tells Matt he has to find Rebecca.
22. EXT. – NEW YORK SIDEWALK CAFÉ
Same café where Amanda and Carol discussed the future. Gwen shows Rebecca a YouTube video of Jeff dancing at her bachelorette party. Rebecca thinks it’s cute as it cuts to:
23. INT. – YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES OFFICE
Matt and other employees are watching the same YouTube video in the conference room as Jeff enters . Matt hurries to shut off the video. Jeff grabs the remote to see what was on as everyone else snickers and slinks out of the room. Jeff is about to shut off the video when Rebecca’s image lights up the screen.
24. INT. – YOUNG AND ASSOCIATE OFFICE
Jeff is searching the Internet to try to find the wedding venue for Rebecca.
25. INT. – KEN RIVERS’ PENTHOUSE APARTMENT
Rebecca discusses her bachelorette party with her wealthy fiancé, Ken. Ken gives her a painting for a wedding gift. It’s the “Love of Souls.”
26. INT. – ICE HOCKEY RINK
Jeff and Matt practice ice hockey. Jeff can’t focus. Matt agrees to help Jeff find Rebecca so she can tell Jeff to get lost.
27. INT. – ADAM’S BAR
Matt gets the receipt from the bachelorette party. To get the receipt, Matt has to promise Jeff will dance at the next male review night. The party was paid for by Gwen.
28. INT. – LAW OFFICE
Jeff goes to confront Gwen and ask to meet Rebecca. Jeff meets Rebecca instead as she works with Gwen. Rebecca agrees to have a cup of coffee with Jeff.
29. EXT. – NEW YORK SIDEWALK CAFÉ
Jeff tells Rebecca she is his soulmate. Rebecca tells Jeff that her soulmate is Ken and says goodbye.
30. INT. – YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES
Matt tries to convince Jeff to give it up.
31. EXT. – BROADWAY
Jeff takes a walk to clear his head. He passes the Majestic Theater where Phantom of the Opera is still running and finds himself in front of the pawn shop. He is drawn in.
32. INT. – KING PAWN SHOP
Jeff sees the pocket watch (which had been returned to the pawn shop) and asks to see it. When he touches it:
33. MONTAGE OF IMAGES
· Broadway and 51<sup>st</sup> Street – Martin and Amanda with Snoopy bearing down on them.
· Martin and Amanda in front of their fireplace.
· Greenwich Village Church as Martin and Amanda marry.
· Martin and Amanda making love. The stuffed bear totem staring down at them.
· Dr. Volger’s office. The bear is in Martin’s hand as he comes out of a trance. He looks up and sees Dr, Volger’s nameplate.
· Inside the Lincoln Tunnel in a car that is spinning, spinning.
34. INT. – KING PAWN SHOP
Jeff buys the pocket watch.
35. EXT./INT. – DR. VOLGER’S OFFICE (MIDPOINT)
Jeff finds Dr. Volger, older but recognizable, and convinces Dr. Volger to regress him. After Jeff’s vision, Dr. Volger remembers Jeff as Martin.
36. INT. – DR. VOLGER’S OFFICE
Dr. Volger gives Jeff details on Martin and Amanda.
37. INT. – NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY
Matt helps Jeff track down information on Martin and Amanda.
38. INT. – OLD COLE RESIDENCE
The new owners of the Cole house provide information on Amanda’s mother and Martin’s father.
39. INT. – RENAISSANCE HOUSE
Jeff meets Amanda’s mother, Linda, now eighty-five. Linda has the stuffed bear and gives it to Jeff.
40. EXT. – LAW OFFICE (INTERCUT WITH MATT ON PHONE)
Jeff sees Rebecca and tries to get her to go see Amanda’s mother. She refuses and calls him a stalker. Jeff tries to get her to take and touch the bear totem. Rebecca grabs it and throws it in the street. On the phone, Matt has been imploring Jeff to get to the office for an important presentation.
41. INT. – DR. VOLGER’S OFFICE
Jeff looking for more from Dr. Volger. He learns that Martin worked for Foster and Anderson and that the firm moved to Jersey.
42. INT. – FOSTER AND ANDERSON NEW JERSEY OFFICE
Jeff tricks his way in to meet David who is now CEO of Foster and Anderson. Jeff tries to convince David that he is Martin reincarnated. David doesn’t initially believe it but Jeff knows things that only Martin would know.
43. INT. – CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN
David agrees to meet Rebecca and suggests they bring Carol.
44. EXT. – NEW YORK SIDEWALK CAFÉ
Jeff waits for Rebecca and gets her to meet David and Carol. No memories are triggered. Rebecca asks David to see to it that Jeff stops stalking her.
45. INT. – KEN RIVERS’ PENTHOUSE APARTMENT
Rebecca asks Ken if he is her soulmate. Ken says she’s having pre-wedding jitters. Rebecca says she will spend the night before the wedding at Gwen’s apartment.
46. INT. – YOUNG AND ASSOCIATES OFFICE
Matt comforts Jeff. Time to move on.
47. INT. – STANLEY COLE’S HOUSE
Jeff visits Martin’s father Stanley and offers him the pocket watch. Stanley tells him to keep it and find his own Amanda.
48. INT. – RENAISSANCE HOUSE
Jeff arrives to give the bear totem back to Linda and sees Rebecca coming out of Amanda’s mother’s room. Rebecca says she decided to see for herself, but meeting Amanda’s mother didn’t trigger any memories.
49. INT. – BROADWAY DINER
Matt tells Jeff he found out where the rehearsal is, and they can crash it if Jeff wants. Jeff laments that maybe Rebecca isn’t his soulmate; maybe Amanda wasn’t either. Matt says Rebecca is probably realizing she is Jeff’s soulmate right now and dumping Ken Rivers.
50. INT. – KEN RIVERS’ PENTHOUSE APARTMENT
Rebecca and Ken make fierce passionate love. Rebecca asks Ken if he’ll do something silly for her.
51. INT. – DR. VOLGER’S WAITING ROOM
Ken and Rebecca are there to see if they are soulmates. They talk while waiting for Dr, Volger and decide that this was not a good idea. They leave before Dr, Volger is available. Ken picks up one of Dr. Volger’s business cards.
52. INT. – ADAM’S BAR
Matt explains his theory of intersecting lives to Jeff based on Star Trek.
53. EXT. – NEW YORK MUSEUM OF MODERN ART
Ken has rented the museum for the rehearsal dinner.
54. INT. – ADAM’S BAR
A series of women are introduced to Jeff by Matt hoping to take his mind off Rebecca. Every time Jeff shakes a woman’s hand, Matt wants to know if there is recognition. One of the women is Sally, who Jeff quickly dismisses. As Jeff leaves the bar, he runs into Sally. Sally invites Jeff to her place for a coffee.
55. INT. – NEW YORK MUSEUM OF MODERN ART
Rehearsal dinner in full swing with toasts to soulmates.
56. INT. – SALLY’S APARTMENT
Sally and Jeff discuss reincarnation and the possibility of breaking up Rebecca and Ken. When Jeff says that won’t happen, Sally offers herself as a friend and says she’s been drawn to Jeff. Sally goes into how she believes she lived before and died in some sort of accident. This confuses Jeff and he leaves to get some air, promising to come back.
57. EXT. – NEW YORK CITY
Jeff wanders finding himself ultimately in front of the:
58. EXT. – NEW YORK MUSEUM OF MODERN ART (END OF ACT TWO)
Where the wedding party is leaving the museum. Rebecca walks toward Jeff, but Ken confronts him first. Rebecca stops him. Jeff apologizes to Rebecca and congratulates her on her marriage.
59. INT. – SALLY’S APARTMENT
Jeff is back – still no sparks or recognition – but maybe. Maybe his pursuit of Rebecca was supposed to lead to Sally.
60. INT. – GWEN’S APARTMENT
Gwen and Rebecca eat from Ben and Jerry tubs. Gwen says Jeff was creepy, but Rebecca says he was kind of romantic. Gwen calls Rebecca by a pet name Jeff called her.
61. INT. SALLY’S APARTMENT
Jeff wakes up at Sally’s (nothing happened – just fell asleep on the sofa). Jeff fumbles through the kitchen to find coffee supplies and finds a pile of 3 x 5 index cards. The cards contain information about Martin and Amanda. Sally confesses she was paid five thousand dollars to convince him that she, not Rebecca, was his soulmate. Jeff is convinced this type of money came from Ken Rivers. Sally makes one last effort to say maybe everything that happened was in a round about way meant to get them to meet. Jeff is convinced he must get Rebecca back.
62. EXT./INT. – MATT’S APARTMENT/SALLY’S APARTMENT
Jeff wakes up Matt to help him find the wedding.
63. EXT./INT. – GREENWICH VILLAGE CHURCH
Jeff arrives at the church with Matt but is told the wedding was moved at the last minute. When questioned, the priest says an older gentleman donated a sizable sum and that the new location was a secret. The priest describes the man – it is Dr. Volger.
64. EXT./INT. – DR. VOLGER’S HOME OFFICE IN SECAUCUS NEW JERSEY
Jeff confronts Dr. Volger who confesses that Ken Rivers offered to fund his research if he provided information on Martin and Amanda Cole and promised not to reveal the location of the wedding. Dr. Volger will not go back on his word to Ken Rivers. Jeff convinces Dr.Volger it would be ethical if he hypnotized and progressed Jeff forward in this life so that he could see the location without being told. Dr, Volger agrees.
65. INT./EXT. – JEFF’S VISION
Jeff sees the church in his vision. Ken Rivers is in the vision, and he tells Jeff he will be too late to stop Rebecca from being Ken’s wife.
66. INT. – LIMO
Rebecca and Gwen are in a limo approaching the church. They are blocked by the Thanksgiving Day parade. Rebecca and Gwen get out of the limo to walk the rest of the way.
67. EXT. – BROADWAY AND 51<sup>ST</sup> STREET
Rebecca and Gwen get to the intersection. As the floats go by, Rebecca sees a modern floats morph into those from twenty-five years earlier. She starts to step off the curb as a Snoopy float barrels towards her. Gwen’s tug brings her back to reality.
68. EXT./INT. – LINCOLN TUNNEL
Matt drives as he and Jeff head into the City.
69. EXT. – NEW YORK CITY
Matt and Jeff rush through traffic toward the parade route.
70. EXT. – BROADWAY AND 51<sup>ST</sup> STREET
Jeff jumps out of the car and heads to the church on foot.
71. EXT./INT. – MIDTOWN CHURCH
Jeff arrives but it’s quiet – he looks at his pocket watch – too late. Ken is alone in the church. Rebecca called off the wedding saying Ken wasn’t her soulmate.
72. INT. – MIDTOWN CHURCH
Matt asks Jeff what he plans to do. Jeff says he’ll give Rebecca some space so she can come to her own realization.
73. INT. – BROADWAY DINER
Jeff sits at the table Martin and Amanda used to watch the parade twenty-five years ago. Jeff picks up the menu and hears a voice. It is Rebecca saying a line uttered by Martin in the opening scene. Jeff gets up and Rebecca says she remembers.
74. EXT. – BROADWAY DINER (THROUGH THE WINDOW)
Snoopy floats by as the reunited soulmates kiss. Snoopy appears to be smiling.
I separated out the following beats:
Scene 5 – The purpose of this scene is to have Martin tell Amanda about the psychiatrist. I thought this scene was too passive and reset it on date night which is referenced in Scene 3. I set date night at a miniature golf course where other couples are clearly demonstrating they are not soulmates.
Scene 27 – The purpose of this scene is for Jeff to get Rebecca’s full name. Originally, Jeff’s friend Matt learns that the party was paid for by Rebecca’s maid of honor, Gwen. I revised it to provide Rebecca’s name as well. In the current version of beats, Jeff meets Rebecca when he calls on Gwen. This seemed too much of a coincidence.
Scene 28 – The purpose of this scene is to have Jeff meet Rebecca for the first time after her bachelorette party and ask her out for coffee. Rather than set this in Rebecca’s place of work (a law firm) where she just shows up, I reset this in a courthouse where Rebecca is obtaining a restraining order for a client. This raises the stakes if Rebecca views Jeff as a stalker. (This is labeled 28a as Jeff still goes to the law office in Scene 28 and finds out Rebecca is in court.)
Scene 37 – The purpose of this scene is for Jeff to obtain more information about his past life so he can find more “clues” by visiting people still alive that knew Martin and Amanda. It is still set in the public library, but I added a quirky librarian for some (hopefully) comic effect.
Scene 38 – The purpose of this scene is to have Jeff and Matt learn more information about Martin’s and Amanda’s parents. It is still set in the old house that belonged to Martin and Amanda, but instead of passively drinking tea and being informed by the old couple who now own the house, Matt and Jeff must do chores for the information.
Revised Beats:
5. EXT. – MINIATURE GOLFLAND
Martin and Amanda are out on date night trying to enjoy a round of miniature golf. The course is packed with other couples who are yelling, fighting, and throwing golf balls. Amanda notes that this is not a collection of soulmates. Martin makes the decision to move forward with a psychiatrist to train them to recognize each other in future lives. He doesn’t want to take a chance at coming back as one of the other couples.
27. INT. – ADAM’S BAR
Matt gets the receipt from the bachelorette party and the name of the bride-to-be, Rebecca Diamond. To get the name, Matt had to promise Jeff would dance in the next male-review at the bar.
28a. INT. – COURTHOUSE
Jeff goes to the courthouse where Rebecca is forcefully obtaining a restraining order for one of her clients. She notes that the alleged stalker followed her client to work, bars, and restaurants. Jeff, now forewarned about what Rebecca might do, approaches her anyway and asks her out for coffee.
37. INT. – NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY
Matt and Jeff search the archives for information on Martin and Amanda. A quirky librarian alternately helps and hinders their efforts.
38. INT. – COLE HOUSE
Jeff and Matt meet the new owners of the Cole house and ask questions regarding what happened to the Coles. The older couple living in house require the men to do their household chores for the information. Jeff and Matt leave with the knowledge of where Amanda’s mother and Martin’s father are now living.
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Really nice work, Bob! My questions and comments are noted below.
Your beats flow along very well overall. There was just one that didn’t seem plausible to me. See #64, and thank you for indulging my Rant :0)
Hope my notes are helpful. I look forward to more posts on your story.
Best, Pam
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Comments on Original Beats:
#4. Is LOVE OF SOULS a real painting by a known artist, or fictitious?
Out of curiosity, I googled the title and found some really cool paintings with similar titles, ranging from realistic to abstract. Check this one out:
And did Dr. Volger have any knowledge that Amanda loved that painting?? (See note below in #25.)
#10. Montage – Love that Martin guards the door to the unisex bathroom. Now that’s chivalry!#25. Is there any way Ken could have been tipped off by Dr. Volger that Rebecca (formerly Amanda) loved that painting? Or did he somehow manage to pick this out on his own?
#40. Since they are in the law office, how did the bear end up in the street — did Rebecca toss it out the window? And I’m assuming Jeff retrieves it okay, it doesn’t get run over by a car etc.
#64. Dr. Volger has some nerve here! He needs to be persuaded that the “regression” will solve the “ethical” problem between he and Jeff? Really?
Doesn’t Jeff really have the upper hand here? What Dr. Volger did was QUITE unethical: he sold Jeff/Martin’s private info to Ken, so that Ken could plot against him. In my (humble) opinion, Dr. Volger should quickly help Jeff out… in exchange for not being SUED.
#71. I feel like there could be a beat missing, before we get to here. How did Rebecca come to the realization that Ken was not her soulmate?
Comments on New Beats:One thing I wondered about as I read through your Beat Sheet — could there be too many “*Talking Head” scenes? People standing or sitting, talking in offices, restaurants, homes etc. Possible to add some activities into these scenes? (*Since we were asked to keep the Beat Sheet descriptions to the bare minimum, there may already be activities that I’m not privy to at this stage. Please ignore me if I’m off base. :0)
And then I saw your Revised Beats — which I think are all good solutions — for the reasons you state — and they also help fix Talking Head Syndrome (if applicable).New Scene #5. Mini golf is fun idea
28a. This revision also adds a nice layer of Subtext — ie the unsaid words from Rebecca: “Do I also need to get a Restraining order from you… while I’m here?
37. Quirky Librarian should provide opportunities for humor. Nice.
38. Love that the info is being provided in exchange for the guys doing chores. Very Funny.
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Pamela,
Thank you for your insightful comments, I very much appreciate them.
I looked at the link you provided. There are some interesting pieces of artwork. I believe there are a number of paintings entitled “Love of Souls.” When Ken gives the painting to Rebecca, I see that as a serendipitous event and a déjà vu moment for Rebecca. At this point in the story, Ken doesn’t know about Volger – he doesn’t even know Jeff is a rival.
As I am working on my character traits, I see Volger as not quite ethical. He would sell out his clients if it meant getting more prestige (or funding). Also, Ken has an army pf lawyers working for him. Since Volger is working with Ken, he’s not afraid of Jeff threatening to sue (which he does).
I thought something was missing at the end as well. I have been playing with the idea of Ken getting together with the maid of honor, Gwen. Neither of them are bad people and it rounds out the story in that everyone is looking for a special love.
Looking forward to reading your beat sheet.
Best,
Bob
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Hi — Thanks for your responses to my post. Interesting new ideas for your ending — connecting more of the players, loose ends and what-not.
What do you think about adding another layer to Dr. Volger? Maybe part of the reason he’s so unethical (and secretly unhappy?) is that he never really connected with his OWN soulmate.
Food for thought…
OK, I should get back to my own story now.
Cheers,
Pam
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Mary Emmick – Story Beats Logline: A coming-of age romantic drama about a small-town high school girl during the time of Covid-19 who is set to marry her boyfriend and embrace her family’s conservative values. A series of relationships and events jar her out of her complacency as she is faced with disinformation, racism, injustice and a new love.
I actually rewrote my previous beat sheet last night and found that some of the events were out of order, so I rewrote it. It was beneficial to do this and may not have done this without the class. I do not know how to transfer this from a word document, but I will try.
If anyone knows how to post a word document to this lesson, I would appreciate help.
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Dear Mary Emmick,
Hi! Here’s how you can copy and paste your Word document to this thread.
While in your word document, click control and then the letter A. That will highlight everything in that document. Now hit Control and the letter C. It will copy it to the clipboard.
Now go to this forum site and hit reply to Cheryl’s post for whatever day you want to post it.
Then hit control (CTRL) and the letter V and it will paste it all into this forum.
If you have trouble, tell me and I will try to help you. I’d appreciate it if you would give me feedback my “The Perfect Couple. I am in need of a partner. Would you be my partner?
Sincerely,
Joan Edwards
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Hi Mary,
Here’s another “hack” for posting content from a Word doc. If the “normal” way doesn’t work — try copying and pasting your content into an email first. Then, copy from the email into your post. I’ve had to do that a number of times to get mine to work.
Best, Pam
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MSC DAY #2 – RAE’S BASIC STRUCTURE – VERSION 1
What I learned is, this process has allowed me to connect more deeply with my story and to be more intimate with my characters.
1. OPENING:
JESI JOHNSON is definitely her father Jackson’s daughter, honing his construction skills, sharing his love of music, and obsession with Frank Sinatra. For her he walks on water. At thirty-seven she still lives with him and she also dabbles in real estate. But when he falls off a roof this all changes. She’s on her own, forced to live her life, be her own person.
1: INCITING INCIDENT:
JACKSON does not survive the brain surgery. Jesi stands at Her father’s bedside with surgeon DR GERARD LEBLANC. As he listens to her story about her father’s love affair with Frank Sinatra’s music, he gives her a hug that goes way beyond sympathy. Their connective energy is palpable. Jesi goes right to a fantasy world where she sees herself marrying the doctor. Moments later Gerard has a similar fantasy. Afterwards, as they move on with their lives, Gerald can’t forget her, starts besieging her with notes and flowers.
3. BY P. 10 YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE’S ABOUT
Jackson’s medical bills are piling up and the IRS is looking for back taxes, forcing Jesi to step up her career. She jumps into the male dominated field of commercial real estate knowing it’s a back-stabbing minefield with the broker JASON requiring she remain single. She forms a love, hate connection with top agent HENRY WOO who is about to list Jesi’s family friend HAROLD’S apartment building. Gerard keeps on calling but real estate has to take priority.
4. FIRST TURNING POINT- END OF ACT 1 ( PAGE 30 )
Jesi hands over the construction business to her father’s forman, MARIO and is working at real estate twenty-four seven. Gerard is still sending flowers, asking her out. The hospital’s billing department becomes aggressive with Jackson’s medical debt so finally Jesi agrees to meet Gerard at a coffee shop. He blurts out his love for her and she agrees to a date the next evening. Soon after meeting at the restaurant Gerard proposes. Jesi answers “yes” then adds, “but no children. I don’t have that chip.” Serendipitously Gerard’s friend, a doctor and wedding celebrant, enters the restaurant. After a few words, agrees to marry the couple on the spot. He tells them their vows are binding, and they must get a marriage license. Afterwards, in a hotel room the couple consummate the marriage, but she confides that now that her father has gone it’s time for her to shine. Her devotion to her Dad was holding her back. Jesi is already asking Gerard to hold off on the license for the sake of her job.
5. MID POINT ( page 45 )
Jesi still struggles in sales. Her broker Jason is still channeling all buyer and seller leads to her rival, Henry Woo. She asks family friend HAROLD for his help. Harold hears her but he has committed to list his building with Henry who gets the listing next day. Jesi nails Jason for the absence of listings and sales leads and he finally hands her a solid buyer lead. She sells this new buyer Harold’s building, then lists more two buildings owned by Harold’s good old boys. Henry says he was promised these listings and declares Jesi stole his clients! Also, Gerard is sick of waiting to announce their marriage.
6. SECOND CRISIS TURNING POINT (End of Act 2) Pg. 60
Jesi makes three sales, gains top producer of the month. She hires office agent, nice guy MICHAEL as her assistant. He becomes her besty, listens to sob stories about Henry, Jason, Gerard. He tells her she is crazy; she should marry the Doctor. Jason hears about Jesi’s marriage, says he knows Gerard. Tells her Gerard has a seven-year- old boy that his daughter baby sits. He says if she consummates the union with a marriage license she must find another office. Jesi calls off the marriage.
7. CRISIS
Jesi needs her job. The IRS and the State of Calif. are pressing for past due taxes, her father’s gambling debt and property taxes in areas. Gerard visits her office to plead his case about his boy and she has a meltdown. She shuts him out again and now feels truly alone. She puts Michael in charge of sales and all of the buyer and seller problems and goes back to Johnson Construction, her father’s business, tries losing herself in the work, doing plumbing. Meanwhile two of her deals, with nasty sellers, are falling apart.
8. CLIMAX
Jesi works out a payment plan with the IRS and the hospital’s billing department, but she is missing her father, and desperately missing Gerard. He’s trying to it make up to her, asks her to meet his boy, but she sabotages herself with her stubbornness, still holding out.
9. RESOLUTION
After serious calls from Gerard and much reflection Jesi gets her priorities straight and meets his boy. That’s all it takes for her to agree to hand her sales and closings over to her new real estate partner, Michael. Jason does not want to lose his “Rookie of the Year” and top producer and so he relaxes his “No married female agent rule.” The next stop for Gerard and Jesi is City Hall for the license.
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Does anyone know why I can’t paste copy into this form? Thanks
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Tom, try this:
If you are copying text from a Word doc. If the “normal” way doesn’t work — try copying and pasting your content into an email first. Then, copy from the email into your post. I’ve had to do that a number of times to get mine to work.
Good luck, Pam
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Another way that is just as easy is to export to a PDF. Then open the pdf and do a CRTL-A, CTRL-C and paste it into the forum reply.
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Logline
Three abbeynormal individuals create a business that gives the homeless a second chance and in the process find love again.
The Beats
1-int grocery-day
Einstein purchases a gift for his new hero who he hopes to meet in 15 minutes.
2-ext. San Diego -day
A skateboarding Einstein crashes when he meets his hero Bob.
3-int. House day
Jennifer Hedgewood loses her job and home.
4-ext. driveway day
Einstein under hood tells friend that he’s ready to start living again.
5-ext. harbor bride day cont.
A young homeless named Dude gets in a fight and loses everything including his dog.
6-ext. padres game late afternoon
Einstein participates in batting practice and fulfills a dream
7-int living room evening
Neighbor organizing a birthday party for Einstein to get him going again.
8-ext. back porch evening cont
Einstein falls over pile of belongings and the owner of these things is sitting on his porch.
9-int. Living room cont
Hedgewood is getting job interview while cleaning Einstein’s disaster of a living room.
10-int. Einstein’s home cont
Einstein gives her a chance and tour of his home.
11-int Einstein’s home cont
Hedgewood stays up all night cleaning because that’s what she does. She’s a compulsive cleaner
‘12- int kitchen morning
Einstein is blown away by what has happened to his home. Hedgewood passes out in bed
13-ext. Home Depot morning
Einstein meets dude who’s holding a will work sign. Einstein give him a chance.
14-int. Barber shop morning
Einstein and Dude both cut their scraggly hairdos and facial hair
15-int. Goodwill noon
Einstein and Dude getting some new duds
16-int. Gym day
Einstein joins gym and proceed to play basketball and Dude jumps in shower and puts on new duds.
17-ext. Einstein’s drive
Einstein pulls together community of friends to clean up his disaster garage before Hedgewood starts on it. Dude is part of the clean up
18-ext. treehouse night
Hedgewood and Einstein call rude neighbor on cell and give him a challenge.
19-ext. park in front evening
Einstein has a bet with Mr Gamelgard and helps him.
20-ext downtown morning
Search for Dudes dog
21-ext. freeway day
Einstein and Dude have heart to heart with dog in backseat.
22- montage 1
– Dude is restoring pool house
– Hedgewood cleans and sings
– Einstein working in his crazy room
– rubber band wars commence
– Dude goes to Dentist
– Hedgewood and Einstein exercise
23-ext. house day
Dude is starting curb appeal business with Einstein and have an unusual way to attract business.
23-ext Coronado day
Hedgewood and Einstein have a beautiful day of fun.
24- int. House day
Plans for home repainting
25- ext. big bear day
Racing down mountain on slide Einstein gets Hedgewood to dream big
26- ext. balcony of condo day
Hedgewood with magic whiteboard put their dreams in motion.
27-int. Pizza restaurant evening
Einstein and Hedgewood play a movie game and help another couple while waiting for pizza
28-int home party – evening cont
At Tuckers home and Einstein and Hedgewood discover that community is planning a giant birthday party for Einstein.
29-ext. pool day
Pool movie magic clean up day and everyone is talking Hedgewoods movie language and love is in the air.
30-ext. backyard day
Backyard community party and Hedgewood loses control and is ashamed of her behavior.
31-int. Bedroom night
Hedgewood and Einstein talk of weirdness
32- int. Crazy room
The big reveal is a room where anything’s possible. A promise to Einstein’s wife was what kept him going and what he created will benefit everyone.
33- int kitchen cont
Einstein talking like a reporter delivers the news of a new business in town.
34-int. Einstein’s bedroom-cont
Playful jumping on bed turns into lovies…..falling in la la la
35-ext. driveway day
Einstein is a big brother to Javier and the cleaning business is started.
36-ext. neighborhood-day
Ten teams participating in a game of bigger and better to raise funds for the homeless hullabaloo
37-ext. cultipark late afternoon
An old fashioned carnival with people coming from all over city.
38-ext. Point Loma -day
Dude is off to Maui
39- ext. cultipark day
Hedgewood gets her friend a job at Esther’s in the park
40-int. Barbershop day
Hedgewood makes a deal with harry to cut hair for the homeless.
41-montage
-lovedoesday
-Dude in Maui
-cleaning business cleaning
-top of cowles mountain
– Doctors office patting stomach
42-Ext. Disney-day
Disneyland proposal
43- ext. Maui day
Dude riding bike to catch up with a girl in Maui
44-ext. beach day
Maui wedding and everyone’s there
45-ext. San Diego day
Love does it again business revealed.
I’ve learned that I’ve had my own version of beats but I have gone through the scenes a hundred times in other ways getting rid of some and changing others. I love the beats process and what I am learning. I have changed what’s happening in several of the scenes but kept the beat.
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CHASING CULTURES REWRITE Assignment 3 Elevate The Beats Of Your Story
What I’ve learned is that I can add more action scenes that put my main character in increasing danger to increase the suspense.
Title: CHASING CULTURES
Logline: As a dangerous hurricane tracks northward, a rookie NYC detective uncovers a plot to blow up the UN building, financed by stolen antique art sales.
New Beat Sheet with improvements and types in parentheses:
a = action, v = violence, m = main character
1. Iraq war, fighting in the streets. Thieves break into the National Museum in Bagdad and steal an ancient clay tablet with the story of Gilgamesh incised on it.(A,V, danger, fight)
2. In Manhattan, the TV news shows a storm forming in the Caribbean, (V,danger)
3. INCITING INCIDENT: Susan overhears man talking about a stolen tablet in a Christie’s auction (M, danger)
4. Her boss tells her to ignore it, no proof of any crime (M,competition) (He threatens to demote her???)
5. Storm now a tropical depression (V,danger)
6. Argues with director at Christies. (M,V,interrogation)
7. Depression now a tropical storm. (V,danger)
8. Tells chief of police about the plot and chief (dismisses her), says go be a real reporter. (M,competition)
9. Small craft warnings issued for Caribbean. (V,danger)
10. Thieves steal a valuable painting from a La Guardia cargo bin. (V,escape/evade)
11. FIRST TURNING POINT: Susan’s assigned the case. Follows the trail, traces fingerprints, finds one off the thieves. Interrogates him, has to let him go. Not enough proof since he is an airline employee. (M,interrogation)
12. MIDPOINT: Thief tells the mob boss about Susan. They sideswipe her on a highway but she’s not hurt. (V,danger)
13. Another subplot:
14. The mayor of NYC is a hidden villain. At an auction, the mayor meets the director of Christies. He tells her that they should speak in private. After shutting the door to a conference room, he grabs her ass and kisses her. She slaps him. (V,violence) He says, you’ll regret that, as she hurries out. The next day, the mayor tells his aide to research her finances. A week later, he puts a report on the mayor’s desk. There are suspicious deposits in her bank account from an art gallery. She has been taking bribes and using the money to pay her mother’s nursing home bills. (intrigue) The mayor tells her that he wants part of the money. (competition) She unhappily agrees.
15. Gale force winds lash Puerto Rico. The storm takes a northward turn. Reporters hound the mayor for ignoring the hurricane. It <s>will</s> (could) hit the city and the city is not prepared.(V,danger)
16. The terrorists decide to kidnap Susan’s wife, Jane. (danger)
17. They watch the house until she drives up with the kids in the back seat. She opens the garage door, drives in and, as the garage door is closing, the thieves stop it. (surprise)
18. They muscle Jane and the kids into the house. The kids are locked in an upstairs bedroom. The man slaps her (shock), then gets out a knife. He drags the point across her neck as she sobs. (interrogation) Then he stops and starts to climb the steps. She yells for him to stop, to not hurt the kids. He walks back. Jane tells (confesses to) the men that Susan overheard the rug store owner’s conversation and the antique panel at the auction was stolen from a museum in Iraq.
19. The man writes a ransom note and leaves it on the kitchen table for Susan. They bind Jane’s hands and push her into their car and drive off. (surprise, extortion)
20. The storm is off Andros and heading north. Will hit NYC in (4) days. (danger)
21. SECOND TURNING POINT: Susan finds the note, has it checked for prints, ID’s the print, finds the mob boss owns a warehouse, takes a squad there. Gun fight with the thieves. (shootout) Mob boss holds Jane, threatens to shoot her. Susan puts down her M16 as asked but has a handgun hidden behind it. (twist) Shoots the mob boss who dies, Jane runs into Susan’s arms. Finds stolen painting from LGA cargo plus more antiques. (reveal) Finds invoices with the rug store letterhead. Finds a note that mentions a bomb.
22. Interrogates store owner. He says nothing, wants his lawyer. (M)
23. Susan goes back to Christies, tells director that the painting was recovered, can go in the auction. (M) And there were stolen antiques in the warehouse, destined for the auction. (M) Still no proof the tablet was stolen. The director almost tells her about the mayor but stops.
24. The storm hits Jacksonville. (V, danger)
25. Susan looks at bank records from the rug store, finds a withdrawal to a Pakistani company, also purchases from sports stores and pawn shops. (M,reveal)
26. She goes to the stores, finds semi-automatic gun purchases.(M, reveal)
27. Storm off (Delaware and heading straight at NYC. The mayor is hounded by reporters asking about evacuations). (V, danger)
28. Susan calls the FBI, who tell her there are links to Pakistani terrorists at the rug company. (M, V, danger)
29. CRISIS: Susan interrogates the store owner, beats him up. (violence, torture) Finds guns and ammunition stored in carpet rolls. (M, reveal) Finds photos of the UN building. (M, reveal) Finds phone numbers and lists of men’s names. All have Middle Eastern names. (M, reveal)
30. Sends officers to their houses but all are gone. (M, evade)
31. ( The mayor announces a state of emergency, orders residents to stay inside. The storm is approaching the city.)
32. CLIMAX: Susan realizes an attack could be in motion so she heads to the UN. (M)
33. Hurricane winds pummel the streets.
34. She runs to the stairs and hurries down two flights to the parking garage.
35. The police vans leave the parking garage.
36. The vans are buffered by pelting rain and high winds. Debris flies into the sides of the vans. Skyscraper windows shatter and glass shards fall onto the street. The van swerves, then a tree falls behind it, narrowly missing the van.
37. They duck as they cross the plaza, running towards the main doors to the General Assembly Building.
38. Flying debris hits one man and he is knocked unconscious. Another officer drags him to shelter.
39. The officers pass through entry doors in the tall glass wall.
40. Beyond the lobby to the right is the small Meditation Room. ( A TV is on. The reporter, out in the storm trying to stand upright, says that hurricane winds have reached the city.)
41. Susan’s men spread out. Some enter the meditation room. Some follow Susan up the ramp to the second floor.
42. At the top of the stairs, Susan finds wounded and dead UN guards. She kneels next to one man.
43. BAM, BAM. Shots can be heard from behind the Hall doors.
44. Officers come out of the empty Meditation room, go up in each elevator, and search the floors as they surround the Hall.
45. PING, PING. Shots come from terrorists on the 3rd and 4th floors.
46. Susan leads a team up to the 4rd floor balcony.
47. They breach the doors, CRASH, then throw grenades inside, then duck.
48. BOOM, BOOM. The grenades go off, killing four terrorists. One lives but is wounded. Susan grabs him, shoves her gun into his neck.
49. She head butts him with her gun and he falls back, unconscious.
50. Susan rises, looks down upon the Hall.
51. PING, PING. Shots fly near her. They come from the 3rd floor balcony.
52. Susan ducks and sprints back to the doors, motioning for the men to follow.
53. Susan and the team speed down to the 3rd floor balcony. PING, PING.
54. They hear gunshots through the doors.
55. They kick the doors open, guns firing. BAM, BAM, BAM, BAM.
56. Six terrorists lie dead on the balcony floor.
57. Susan approaches the ledge, crouching, then peers over it.
58. A dozen terrorists with guns surround one hundred cowering hostages in the middle of the Hall.
59. Susan discusses the situation. ( mentions the semi-automatics pointed at the hostages, asks for suggestions. Team member 3 says use smoke bombs.)
60. Susan points at him, Team member 3. Get smoke bombs asap.
61. The man rushes down the stairs, past the swinging pendulum, and out the entry doors.
62. He runs toward the police vans, ducking flying debris, opens the doors to one van, and climbs in.
63. Seconds later, he hurries out of the van carrying a backpack. A dozen steps into his run for the doors, he gets hit by flying debris, goes down.
64. Susan watches in horror as he falls in the middle of the plaza.
65. She points at Team Member 2. Get him in and bring those smoke bombs to me.
66. He dashes down the stairs and runs outside.
67. He drags the wounded officer to safety.
68. Susan runs down the stairs to the second floor, her team close behind her.
69. Team Member 2 gives the backpack to Susan who opens it and passes out smoke bombs to five officers.
70. Susan points to two officers. Take the fourth floor.
71. They rush up the stairs.
72. She points to two more officers. Take the third floor.
73. They rush up the stairs.
74. Susan points to Team Member 2. Follow me.
75. She opens the backpack and takes out tubing and two (larger) canisters. She connects tubing to each smoke bomb then hands one to the officer. They push the ends of the tubing under the Hall doors.
76. The 4 officers throw the smoke bombs towards the terrorists in the center of the Hall.
77. Susan turns on the gas and it flows through the tubing.
78. The terrorists are surprised as smoke fills the room. They panic and shoot at the doors. PING, PING, PING.
79. Susan and Team Member 2 rush away from the doors as bullets come flying through. They each stand on either side of the doors.
80. (Suddenly, a window blows out. Susan and team member 2 are showered with glass. Susan’s right hand is cut so she drops her gun. The team member wraps it with gauze and she picks up her gun again. )
81. In the Hall, a fight has broken out as the hostages fight with the terrorists.
82. One terrorist shoots a hostage who falls to the floor.
83. The fighting stops as everyone is engulfed in smoke. Many cough. Some fall to the ground.
84. Two terrorists grab hostages. One yells at the other terrorists.
85. He pushes his hostage with his gun barrel and goes through back doors at the end of the Hall. Six other terrorists grab hostages and follow their leader.
86. The smaller room is used as a reception suite and for conferences. The terrorists lock the door and point their guns at the hostages.
87. Susan and her officers storm into the main hall and shoot a dozen terrorists. PING, PING, PING, PING. ( The terrorists shoot back. In the gunfight, Susan is shot in the arm. An officer ties a cloth around her bicep. )
88. Several men try to escape but are captured.
89. One hostage points to the back door. They took people in there.
90. Susan nods. She turns to Team Member 1. Bring me sleeping gas and tubing.
91. The man rushes out, struggles through the high winds to the police van, and brings back four canisters.
92. Susan pipes the gas into the Reception suite.
93. Everyone in the room falls asleep.
94. Susan and her men run into the Reception Suite and handcuff the terrorists.
95. The hostages are free. (They clap and hug each other.)
96. Susan looks at her officers. But where is the bomb? (She orders a search of the building and her officers spread out, searching each floor.)
97. (She interrogates a terrorist, who says nothing. Susan aims her gun at him, he still won’t talk. She shoots his thigh. He screams in pain. She aims at his other thigh and he then says he doesn’t know, that he wasn’t one of the group that hid it. Susan has him taken away. She yells to an officer that she will be in the basement and runs down the stairs.)
98. (After a frantic search, Susan finds the bomb in a basement storage closet. The display reads 4 minutes. She radios for the bomb squad and gives the location.)
99. RESOLUTION: (The bomb is neutralized by the bomb squad with only ten seconds showing on the display. Susan is stitched up at a hospital. The hurricane is now offshore and the sun comes out. ) Papers found in the terrorists homes showing bribes paid to art dealers and to the director of Christies. (M, reveal)
100. Susan interviews (M, interrogation) the director who confesses, (tells Susan about the mayor), and asks for clemency.
101. Susan interviews (M, interrogation) the mayor who doesn’t confess.
102. The mayor is arrested.(M)
103. The director is given probation. (M)
104. The tablet goes back to the museum in Iraq. (M)
105. (Susan is given a promotion and commendation for bravery by the Chief.)
106. Susan (with a bandage on her arm) and her wife attend the Christie’s auction. (M)
107. They clink flutes with the director.
THE END.
Appreciate comments.
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Dear Katharine,
Wow! What an exciting story! Your beats tell your story well.
In beat 35, you say the vans take off. I don’t know whose vans they are nor where are they going nor who is in them.
I love how you add the hurricane to the mix of the stolen art work and the blowing up of the UN building! I like how you used PING PING and other sounds. You could use some for the wind.
I’d like to see more of what the Mayor’s doing in this.
I would appreciate your comments about my beats for “The Perfect Couple.”
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added police van, thanks
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message your beats to me please
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Janeen’s Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is my third time through and I’m still tweaking the beat sheet.
Logline: A mall Santa rescues the President’s parents from a rogue FBI agent with their Secret Service agent in hot pursuit.
I added and rearranged some scenes, especially around the fight scenes. I realized my beats didn’t address the hero’s problem of not believing in himself, but in two fight scenes that I have only outlined, not written, (only two scenes left in my 1st draft to write), he has epiphanies. They are turning points in his journey.
Here are my resulting beats.
UDATED BEATS
ACT 1
1. INT. NICK’S APT – MORNING
Nick’s spartan apartment, the only bright spots are his tiny Christmas tree, the Santa suit, and Grizzly, his service dog.
2. EXT. WAR ZONE – DAY
Nick relives the failed military mission in the war zone where one of his men is killed.
3. INT. NICK’S APT – CONTINUOUS
Grizzly licks his ear to get him out of the war nightmare.
4. INT. NICK’S APT – CONTINUOUS
Nick’s dream morphs into a love scene with the beautiful woman from the mall, Ivy.
5. INT. NICK’S APT – CONTINUOUS
Grizzly notes that Nick is now relaxed and wakes him. Nick thanks/trusts Grizzly.
6. INT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY – MORNING
Rudy and Holly are trying to get the mall Santa’s names from their CIA and social contacts. Ivy takes out a would-be attacker as a matter of course while escorting them down the hall.
7. INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Ivy continues her professional protection. The parents chide her about dating. She reminds them that the last six men she dated, many they set her up with, only wanted access to their son, the President.
8. INT. MALL – DAY
A rogue FBI agent disburses his men to their attack positions. Then he accompanies the President’s parents and their Secret Service agent (Ivy) in the mall. Ivy feels superior to him because the FBI didn’t detect the guy she just killed in the apartment hallway.
9. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick recognizes Ivy as the woman from his dream. Grizzly confirms it. Nick’s elf identifies the party as the President’s parents while Santa Nick deals with sticky-handed kids on his lap. Nick spots Danser with a gun following the parents.
10. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Danser shoots Ivy.
11. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick hears the shot, Grizzly verifies it’s real, he dumps the kid on his lap, loads up Grizzly in her helmets and runs toward the shot.
12. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick instinctively neutralizes the bad guys using a creche manger, sees Ivy is “dead”, takes the mall cop’s Segway for the parents and ties up the bad guys with Christmas tree lights — still attached to the trees.
13. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
The parents intimidate the mall cop sent by Nick to protect them as they careen slowly down the hall toward the exit.
14. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick exits the locker room with his go bag and Donner is waiting to shoot him. Nick breaks Donner’s arm drags Donner into the locker room.
15. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Nick tells his male elf there is a sick guy in the stall in back and runs with his go bag.
16. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
The parents continue hitting kiosks in the mall as they head to the exit on the Segway and discuss Ivy’s death, noting that she should have checked out Dasher and his men overnight and she would have known they were not legit.
17. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick defeats and ties up Pranzer using improvised weapons, items from mall kiosks.18. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Holly and Rudy careen into a few more kiosks and finally reach the mall door.
19. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Pranzer is bound by scarves and belts to a massage chair. Nick picks up his go bag and runs toward the exit.
20. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Nick rounds a corner to find mammoth Blitzenkreig contemplating shooting the mall cop that is with the parents. Nick rolls Grizzly to safety and uses pottery and fighting skills to defeat Blitzenkreig.
21. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Blitzenkreig is tied with macrame plant hangers and Nick retrieves Grizzly from a kiosk worker. Nick runs out the mall door, keys in hand.
22. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Dasher gets loose, calls his FBI contact to put out an APB on Nick and finds his mercenaries.
23. INT. NICK’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER
Nick gets the parents in his car, hears the APB on Dasher’s radio for him, asks about Ivy, and Rudy decides he is trustworthy.
ACT 2
24. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Ivy is still buried in the plush dog pile and shoppers stare and shake their heads.
25. EXT. NICK’S CAR – DAY
Nick drives expertly away from the mall, dodging traffic, and finds out the parents clothes have trackers.
26. INT. MALL – MOMENTS LATER
Ivy regains consciousness and hears Dasher is going after Nick and the parents. She calls Joy at the SS, finds out where Nick lives and takes off after him.
27. INT. NICK’S SUV – DAY
Nick realizes they are being followed, does a daring car chase which wrecks the bad guys’ cars and decides he needs a new plan. He trusts his driving skills. Parents do too after they escape Dasher and his men.
28. INT. PARKING GARAGE – LATER
Nick pulls into the underground parking garage of an apartment complex, unloads the parents and his go bag, covers his car, telling the parents they are going to get rid of the trackers.
29. INT. DOG SITTING APT – DAY
Holly and Rudy think this is Nick’s apartment, but Nick pulls clothes from the owner’s closets and tells the parents he dog sits there. He asks if their undies have trackers.
30. INT. DOG SITTING APT – MOMENTS LATER
Nick returns with underwear, order the parents to change clothes and put everything in the bag. The APB now includes Nick’s car info.
31. EXT. CAR LOT – DAY
Nick buys a clunker that doesn’t have electronic tracking.32. INT. NICK’S CLUNKER – DAY
Nick drives the clunker, the parents are in the back in ridiculous clothes and Nick reveals he’s taking them to his aunt’s cottage. He believes they will escape because they have no trackers, phones or GPS’s in the car that can be used to track them.
33, INT. TERRORIST’S HQ – AFTERNOON
Interleave with phone call below.
34. INT. DASHER’S RENTAL SUV – AFTERNOON
On the phone, Dasher lies and says he has the parents. Intercut with Terrorist’s HQ, he tells his carload of mercenaries that they’ll have them soon since they know where they are holed up – Nick’s apartment.
35. INT. IVY’S CAR – AFTERNOON
Ivy calls Joy at the SS office to say she has tracked down Nick. She saw him buy the clunker, but loses him in traffic. She doesn’t know if she can trust Nick, but is following.
36. INT. TERRORIST’S HQ – AFTERNOON
Interleave with phone call below.
37. INT. WHITE HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Intercut a phone call as needed. Interrupting international negotiations, the terrorists call the president, make their demands. President demands proof of life.
38. INT. WHITE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
An aide who wants the negotiations to continue, tells the president that his parents are safe and the terrorists have his parents’ doubles. The FBI are all over it.
39. EXT. OPEN HIGHWAY – EVENING
Nick’s clunker flies down the highway.40. INT. DASHER’S RENTAL SUV – EVENING
Dasher, tracking the FBI radio that Nick has, follows him cross country, knowing the president’s parents must be alive and well.
41. INT. NICK’S CLUNKER – NIGHT
The parents need a bio break and wheedle Nick into stopping at the next service area.
42. EXT. SERVICE AREA – NIGHT
The clunker pulls into the parking lot. Nick cautions HOLLY and RUDY to look down so the cameras can’t capture their faces as they head for the plaza. They find out he was an Army Ranger for 20 years.
43. INT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Nick insists the parents use the family bathroom so he can guard them both at the same time. They object. Nick insists.
44. EXT. SERVICE AREA – NIGHT
Dasher’s SUV pulls into the lot. He and the mercenaries enter the plaza. Ivy follows them into the lot.
45. INT. IVY’S CAR – NIGHT
Ivy calls Joy to get Dasher’s SUV disabled and reported stolen.
46. INT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Blitzenkreig checks out the men’s room and the object. Nick finds a kid’s mitten on the floor.
47. INT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Dasher causes a stir in the women’s restroom.48. INT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Nick lies to Dasher about who is in the family restroom. Dasher doesn’t recognize him without the Santa suit.
49. INT. FAMILY BATHROOM – NIGHT
Holly imitates a child to support Nick’s story and Rudy is interrupted midstream.
50. INT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Nick hurries up the parents.51. INT. FAMILY BATHROOM – NIGHT
Rudy groans and still can’t get the job done.52. EXT. SERVICE AREA – NIGHT
Ivy negotiates for a hippie van and plants a tracker on Nick’s clunker.
53. EXT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Nick hustles the parents to his clunker and the kidnappers come out of the plaza. Nick skirts the parking lot so they won’t see where he came from and is ready to accost them. Ivy watches from the hippie van.
###CHOREOGRAPH THE FIGHT SCENE HERE — LOTS OF HOLIDAY WEAPONS.
INTERCUT AS NEEDED with BELOW OBSERVATIONS/CONVERSATIONS
54. INT. NICK’S CLUNKER – NIGHT
Holly and Rudy watch from the car and are worried when it looks like Nick is outnumbered.
55. INT. IVY’S HIPPIE VAN – NIGHT
Ivy, inside the hippie van, debates joining the fray. She makes a call.
56. EXT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
Nick takes down all of the bad guys using a variety of military fighting skills and great awareness of his surroundings.
57. INT. IVY’S HIPPIE VAN – NIGHT
IVY looks very impressed by the picture Joy sent her and Nick’s actions against the agents. She’s starting to get a soft spot for him.
58. INT. CAR – NIGHT
Holly and Rudy are shocked at Nick’s skills.###END FIGHT SCENE
59. EXT. SERVICE PLAZA – NIGHT
When the bad guys are subdued and groaning, Nick gathers up their guns and throws them under various cars as he hustles back to the clunker.
60. EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – NIGHT
Nick gets in his clunker and drives away. Ivy waits in the hippie van, watching DASHER and his gang gather their wits.
ACT 3
61. INT. NICK’S CLUNKER – LATER
Nick pulls into an abandoned farmstead for a bio break and Grizzly has peed on the FBI radio.
62. EXT. IVY’S HIPPIE VAN – CONTINUOUS
Ivy and the parents share info about the FBI radio’s tracker and Nick’s cottage plan, Ivy will see them at the cottage. Ivy removes the tracker from the clunker.
63. INT. NICK’S CLUNKER – MOMENTS LATER
NICK opens the front door, slips in. The parents tell Nick about the FBI radio’s tracker.
64. EXT. NICK’S CLUNKER – LATER
Nick tosses the FBI radio into an open pickup on a four lane and exits the four lane immediately.
65. EXT. NICK’S CLUNKER – LATER
Nick parks the clunker on a side street and walks away taking his go bag.
66. EXT. SMALL TOWN HOUSE – NIGHT
Nick buys a car from a guy in a quick cash deal.
67. INT. NICK’S CAR – NIGHT
Nick is in the Santa suit driving down a road and Holly and Rudy are asleep in elf costumes huddled under the Santa suit in the back seat.
67. INT. TERRORIST’S HQ – MORNING
Leader says the FBI agent was an idiot, heard how he screwed up at the service area. Orders Blitzenkreig to kill everyone except the parents when they find them.
68. EXT. IVY’S CAR – MORNING
Ivy talks to Joy on the phone. She’s found Nick’s great aunt’s house and plans to sneak in. She hides the hippie van nearby and walks back to the house.
69. INT. LAKE HOUSE – MORNING
Ivy investigates the house — key was under the mat. It is old lady chic with tons of glass dogs. She hears a car outside, sees it is Nick driving.
70. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
NICK, again dressed as Santa, gets out of the car and sets Grizzly on the ground. Holly and Rudy are in lederhosen.
71. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Ivy hears the car door and hides in the closet.
72. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Nick sends Grizzly in to see if the house is safe.
73. INT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
He greets Ivy with joy.
74. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Grizzly comes back with the all clear. Nick send Holly and Rudy into the house and takes off to hide the car.
75. INT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Holly and Rudy are delighted to see Ivy again.76. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Nick hurries up the walk to the house.77. INT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Nick sees Ivy in the dark, thinks she’s dead, is unsure if it’s real or not, but fights with Ivy until Grizzly can finally do her job and let him know everything is OK. Ivy’s alive.
78. INT. LAKE HOUSE – DAY
Ivy says they should call the President and fill him in and realizes she still has her phone. Big time screwup. Dasher will be tracking that by now.
79. INT. WHITE HOUSE – DAY
Ivy and the parents talk to the President while Nick prepares to dispose of the phone.
80. EXT. LAKE – DAY
Nick trudges across the frozen lake on snow blades to dispose of the phone.
81. INT. ICE FISHING HUT – MOMENTS LATER
Nick puts the jug with the phone into the hole and pushes it under the ice. Then he leaves the hut to trudge back to the house.
82. INT. LAKE HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Ivy steps out of the bathroom and Dasher puts a gun to her head.
83. EXT. LAKE HOUSE – LATER
Nick approaches the back door, picks up a key and enters from the lake side of the house.
84. INT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Nick tramps up the steps to the kitchen and Danzer puts a gun to his head while Dasher holds a gun to tied up Ivy’s head.
85. INT. LAKE HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Holly and Rudy feign needing the bathrooms and get Dasher and Danzer out of the way so Nick and Ivy can untie each other.
86. INT. LAKE HOUSE MASTER BEDROOM – DAY
Holly distracts Dasher to give Ivy and Nick time to prepare their offense
87, INT. LAKE HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
In a big fight scene, Nick and Ivy defeat and tie up Dasher and Danzer. They plan to leave, but Rudy needs meds.
88, INT. LAKE HOUSE 2 – DAY
Nick distracts the occupants in his Santa suit and Ivy steals the meds Rudy needs from their bathroom.
89. INT. LAKE HOUSE 3 – DAY
NICK and IVY enter a different lake house, this one decorated for Christmas, but apparently, unoccupied and raid the pantry.
90. INT. LAKE HOUSE – DAY
Nick bundles up Holly and Rudy while Ivy switches into an elf costume of Nick’s Aunt’s.
91. INT. LAKE HOUSE – MOMENTS LATER
Grizzly alerts them that the rest of Dasher’s men have arrived and they quickly head down to the lake level of the house to escape.
92. EXT. DINGHY – MOMENTS LATER
The parents and Ivy are in the dinghy and Nick is pulling it down a frozen canal.
93. EXT. DINGHY – LATER
Montage of Nick and Ivy pulling the dinghy and getting exhausted. Changing places, etc.
94. EXT. DINGHY – LATER
Snowmobilers offer to give them rides and return the dinghy to the Lake House.
95. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – LATER
They are all relaxing in the house. Nick is sleeping and Ivy is observing him, then settling in for a nap too. They’d been driving all night so were exhausted.
96. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – EVENING
IVY steps to the TV and they find that a house to house search is on for the parents. Rudy recognizes Blitzenkreig as an assassin. They are in big trouble.
ACT 4
97. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – CONTINUOUS
Montage of the 4 improvising weapons out of holiday items.
98. EXT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – CONTINUOUS
Montage continues — they are setting up booby traps outside the house.
99. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 TOY GARAGE – LATER
Set up booby traps on the stairs. Nick spots snowmobiles under tarps and remote starters for the jet skis. Nick and Ivy have a moment.
100. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – EVENING
They wait in the dark and take their places when Grizzly alerts them that the searchers have arrived.
101. EXT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – NIGHT
Nick waits outside while Danser and Donner try to get in the front of the house and Blitzenkreig and Pranzer go around the side. All meet bad times with the booby traps and with Nick who takes out Blitzenkreig and Pranzer and ties them up.
102, INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – NIGHT
The rest of the fight occurs indoors using all of the improvised weapons. They think Grizzly has been shot and mourn her when they have succeeded in beating Donner, Danser and Dasher.
103. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 – LATER
After the fight, Nick holds his head in his hands, lost without Grizzly. Then Grizzly scratches at the door from the toy garage and they all rejoice.
104. INT. LAKE HOUSE 4 TOY GARAGE – MOMENTS LATER
Rather than clean up the house, they get on the snowmobiles to go to yet another house.
105. INT. LAKE HOUSE 5 – MORNING
Ivy has breakfast cooking, the parents watch the news and hear the President say the name of his first dog which was the “it’s safe now” word. They call the WH. The President tells them to meet a private jet at the airport.
106. INT. PRIVATE JET – DAY
Holly, Rudy and Ivy are in elf costumes, but Nick is dressed as Santa again. The president wants Nick to join his parents’ security detail. Ivy and Nick kiss, the parents wink.
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What I learned during this assignment: I have too many short scenes, and need to let it breathe a little more.
Sheila Dionne: Story Beats
1. Alex’s dream of falling off the cliff and being rescued by Shea.
2. Alex tell therapist about struggle with seeing the dead girl.
3. Alex and her lawyer look at the problems besetting the case.
4. Alex is confronted on street about murdering Shea.
5. Alex visits her sister who was badly injured in crash and faces fallout from family.
Act 1
6. Alex’s roommate Lola tries to cheer Alex up but makes is so much worse.
7. Alex finds Shea in her bedroom and attempts to confront her but she disappears.
8. In Alex’s nightmare, the horrors of her fathers’ death intertwine with Shea’s.
9. Alex wakes up sweaty and shaky.
10. Alex goes into work and is warned she is about to get canned.
11. Alex’s boss tells her she is on leave until trial is over.
12. Alex waits to make sure Cassie is picked up from school.
13. Shea’s mom calls Joyce to tell her she will be late and check on Sammie.
14. Shea visits Alex in the bathroom, and Alex tells her to back off.
15. In the courtroom, Shea’s Mom accuses Alex of murder. Alex’s attorney contends that Shea was underage and should have been in the backseat.
16. The MacKenna’s leave court to be harassed by reporters.
17. Shea’s parents bicker about Joyce.
18. Cassie’s dad isn’t there to pick her up, Alex gets her.
19. Alex takes Cassie home to find Jax in passed out on the couch.
20. Evie is about to die, and Alex begs Shea to do something.
Act 2
21. Shea gets her Guardian and they save Evie. Shea finally reveals that she wants Alex’s help to save her brother from Joyce.
22. Alex takes Groceries to Jax and finds him in bed with a woman doing drugs which she films on her phone.
23. Eve slips into a coma, Alex tells her it’s alright now since she has Cassie.
24. Lola interviewing a blind date.
25. Alex discovers Cassie can see Shea.
26. Jax is following Alex.
27. Trent and Tasha have dinner and he finds out she is pregnant.
28. Alex drops Cassie off at Frank’s so she and Shea can check on Joyce.
29. Alex and Shea follow Joyce and her boyfriend to a house party.
30. Alex confronts Joyce and get shoved in pool.
31. Alex and Shea dry off in car.
32. Alex goes to pick up Cassie , Frank tells her Jax picked her up.
33. Alex goes to Jax apartment and finds that Jax has decamped with Cassie.
End of Act 2
Act 3
34. Alex has a breakdown in kitchen and banishes Shea.
35. Jake and Lola having sex
36. Accident reconstructionist clears Alex
37. Tasha Max at Doctors
38. Lola comes home, helps Alex identify POI
39. MacKenna’s getting ready for night out, Sammie upset
40. Shea tells Alex she knows where Cassie is, then disappears.
41. In Nightclub, Alex learns about Joyce’s past, Shea arrives with bad news.
42. Alex and Shea rush to Sammie, Guardian blocks entrance.
Act 4
Joyce is frozen with knife by Sammie. Guardian leaves, Alex gets call that Evie is fading.
43. Guardian whispers in patricks ear
44. Cassie wants Mommie
45. Lola sister sneaks in, asks for money and help at home
46. Guardian explains society of caretakers. Shea and Alex want in. Sammie saved.
47. Closing arguments
48. Cassie eating gummy bears.
Act 5
49. Reporters hound alex after the verdict
50. Mrs Mackenna swallows pills, Shea can’t stop her.
51. Shea alerts Patrick
52. Patrick saves Linda
53. Jax discovers Cassie on floor.
54. Lola pours lasagna over Jake.
55. Flashback to accident with Shrink.
56. Alex at hospital with Cassie and Jax, shea reassures her.
57. Lola visits Tasha who blames herself for miscarriage.
58. Alex takes Cassie to see her mom in the hospital.
59. Cassie lays down with her mom. And Eve speaks for the first time.
60. The Guardian tells alex and shea they are on trial with the council.
Beats to be reworked
55- how to relay the accident to the shrink.
54- lola pours lasagna over Jake.
47- not sure I need closing arguments.
46-Guardian explains society of caretakers.
14 Shea visits Alex in the bathroom.
2- Alex and Jane’s first appointment longer more info.
-
SCENE SUMMARY BEAT SHEET
I learned that sometimes doing the opposite of what I started with improves the script.
A young career woman, paralyzed by recurring nightmares involving another woman from a far-off time who was raped, gets the shock of her life when her DNA ancestry service informs her of new DNA relatives, and one distant cousin has the same face and name as the rapist from her distant-past dream.
1. Mississippi Field Plantation 1865:
Yankee deserters plunder MATTIE FIELD’S (25) plantation. She manages to steal a horse drawn buggy that belongs to the deserters and flees. The buggy slows down the horse so she unhitches it and rolls it back into a cave where it careens down a steep incline and falls into a chasm. She gets on the horse and rides. The yanks catch her. One deserter with the name EARL SIMMS pinned to his uniform beats her, demands to know what she did with the buggy. She’s raped. Before they kill her Union soldiers arrive and arrest the deserters.
1. Bedroom:
MATTIE LOOMIS wakes up. The opening tease was her dream. It’s now the present, 2022. Mattie has a sketch on her desk of her assailant, Earl Simms. She takes Xanax to calm herself.
2. Outside her apartment:
Mattie sees an eviction notice taped to the door.
3. Parents’ home.
Mattie’s dad won’t help her out with her finances. He doesn’t like she uses drugs and can’t understand her obsession with dreams of a past life.
4. Ad agency.
At work, Mattie’s short tempered and combative with co-workers. They keep her on as a graphic artist due to the boss and her dad are friends.
5. Restaurant:
Mattie eats lunch with her one friend, JENNIFER who is a grad student in counseling. Even as they eat, Mattie has short flashbacks of the chase and rape from her dream. It’s getting worse. Mattie feels it’s a warning, but of what? All the participants in her dream died over 150 years earlier.
6. Mattie’s apartment:
She gets an e-mail from her ancestry search service. She has new DNA relatives. The last one on the list, a distant cousin, is named EARL SIMMS, same as the man who raped her. What’s more, he lives in Mississippi. What’s more, he looks just like the guy who raped her.
7. Horseback riding.
Mattie and Jennifer discuss this odd occurrence. Jennifer insists Mattie NOT contact Earl Simms. It could throw her over the edge.
8. Mattie’s apartment:
But, Mattie e-mails Earl. Her message is very unfriendly, asking him to leave her alone. It would mean nothing to anyone unfamiliar to her dreams.
9. At work
Mattie gets an e-mail from Earl. He’s very friendly, helpful, and kind, totally opposite of what she expected.
10. Jennifer’s office:
Jennifer tells Mattie there’s such a thing as inherited trauma where you not only inherit physical characteristics but often anxieties and phobias and even dreams from traumas that happened to an ancestor.
11. CONSTRUCTION SITE: MISSISSIPPI
Earl is a construction worker. He’s kind of a good old boy who drinks and carouses with the guys.
12. UPSCALE OFFICE
Earl’s girlfriend comes from a rich family. She wants him to quit his construction company and join daddy’s firm. Earl’s not a sit-at-a-desk type and the two are at odds. He can’t provide for her the way she’d like.
13. Earl and Mattie agree to meet on ZOOM.
They groom themselves as if going out on a first date. Mattie tells him of her dream and it changes everything. The dream is part of Earl’s family legend and there’s a mystery that needs solving. He wants Mattie to come to Mississippi and help solve it.
14. GYM:
Mattie shows she can fight at the gym when two guys mess with her. She gets kicked out of the gym and she can’t get into her apartment.
15. She’s on a GREYHOUND
She’s going south to meet Earl.
16. Jennifer can’t get hold of Mattie.
She goes to her apartment and sneaks in fearing something is wrong. She finds notes Mattie took when she talked to Earl, including his phone number. She calls Earl and warns him if anything happens to Mattie, she’ll call the police.
17. Earl meets Mattie in Tennessee.
He takes her to a motel room and shows her that the buggy Mattie Field’s ditched back in the dream sequence had gold stashed in a secret compartment. If they can find it, it’d make them all rich. He tries to get Mattie to remember where her namesake hid the gold but there’s only one thing to do in order to find it. Go back to Mississippi, to the plantation and see if it sparks any memories.
18. Outside the motel:
Mattie refuses to go only to see if Earl will force her. Instead, Earl bids her adieu. Mattie comes to the conclusion that Earl’s not the monster of her dreams and decides to go with him to Mississippi. Besides, she’s broke and needs the money, too.
19. Jennifer’s office.
A man threatens Jennifer and she realizes that Earl knows she’s a witness and that he wants her out of the way. This means Mattie’s in danger. Jennifer calls a co-worker of Mattie and warns her that Mattie’s in danger and so is she, (Jennifer). If anything happens to them, call the cops.
20. Ext. Jen’s office.
She’s attacked. Mattie’s coworker arrives and helps Jennifer escape, except the people after them continue to hunt them.
21. Mississippi café:
Mattie and Earl arrive in Mississippi and eat at a diner. There they meet a group of backwoods types who resemble the rest of the deserters from Mattie’s dreams. They seem to know Earl and think he’s out to trick them out of the gold. Earl stands up for Mattie when one of them touches her and beats the guys up.
22. Outside the diner.
Mattie’s impressed with Earl for helping her and now committed to finding the gold.
23. Driving:
Jennifer sees she’s being followed. The guys that tried to kill her in the office are after her. A car chase ensues and the guys crash over an embankment and are killed. Jennifer and Mattie’s coworker continue on to Mississippi.
24. Mattie Field’s plantation:
Mattie Loomis and Earl arrive and meet the new residents. The big plantation house from Mattie’s dreams is gone. Replaced with a little place where ROBIN and her son NATHAN live. Robin won’t let them enter but Mattie recognizes stuff in the house. She’s dreamed about some of the paintings and memorabilia. She impresses Robin with her knowledge of the ancestors. She knows everything from dreams.
25. SEARCH for the gold.
Robin and Nathan aid in the search. Mattie follows clues she remembers from her dreams and eventually finds it.
The rest of the movie: After they find the gold, the people from the diner return. They’re allies of Earl. They want the gold for themselves. Mattie, Robin and Nathan split up and run. The rest of the movie is a hunt by Earl and his guys to kill them as they are witnesses and how Jennifer and the coworker arrive to even the odds.
Mattie has good skills as a fighter and one by one they get the drop on the bad guys. The cops arrive but even they are allies of Earl and go after Mattie. Mattie and her allies get the drop on the cops, arrest them and call the FBI.
The FBI takes over and arrests the cops and take the gold. But, Mattie gets a 40% finders’ fee for recovering the stolen federal gold and uses the money in honor of Mattie Field’s to better the community in Mississippi.
After scene 6, I decided to change things. I brought Earl Simms into the picture earlier. I had him find Mattie and he contacts her to see if she knows anything about the incident that happened 150+ years before. This is a reverse of what I originally wrote but I think it gets things moving faster and may increase the tension.
Idea: CUT TO EARL SIMMS here.
1. CONSTRUCTION SITE: MISSISSIPPI Earl Simms looks identical to the man Mattie sees in her dreams. He’s a construction worker. He’s kind of a good old boy who drinks and carouses with the guys.
2. UPSCALE OFFICE Earl’s girlfriend comes from a rich family. She wants him to quit his construction company and join daddy’s firm. Earl’s not a sit-at-a-desk type and the two are at odds. He can’t provide for her the way she’d like.
3. EARL’s House – He discovers he has a DNA relative named Mattie Loomis who looks just like his ancestor Mattie Fields. He sees that she lives in Chicago. That’s where Mattie Fields went after the plantation burned down. Maybe she knows something. He e-mails her: Earl Simms is looking for you. He sees she’s related to his ancestor and Mattie Fields and would like to know if she has any knowledge of that period of time.
4. Mattie’s apartment: She gets Earl’s e-mail. He’s a distant cousin who looks the same as the man who raped her. What’s more, he lives in Mississippi.
5. Horseback riding. Mattie and Jennifer discuss this odd occurrence. Jennifer insists Mattie NOT contact Earl Simms. It could throw her over the edge.
-
Joan’s Beat Sheet #1
What I learned was that thoughts will come if you give them a chance. I liked the idea of reading scenes from end to beginning. It helped think of new things.
I look forward to reading your feedback about the changes I made and about others you might think are beneficial. I’ll give feedback to anyone who would like it.
THE PERFECT COUPLE
Logline
“Will Fred be able to restore his marriage as The Perfect Couple when even his Mother disowns him when he serves his wife divorce papers on Dr. Bill’s Show on National Television on Valentine’s Day?”
INT. ROOSEVELT HOTEL, LIND DANCE HALL-FRIDAY LESSONS-NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: Friday, January 04, 2008
1. Montage
=Overview of Los Angeles, California, Recession January, 2008.
-Many “For Sale” Signs
-Newspaper clipping (Economy Sucks,January 13, 2008,
-Allure Hair Salon
-Close up of young man with lots of hair and really old man with bald head
-Giant mailbox says SILVERTON on the rich side of town. Trees, shrubs, flowers, lavish and spacious ranch-style home with a swimming pool and a two-car garage.
2. Follow FRED SILVERTON drives he and his wife, ALICIA SILVERTON in his company car with Forever Realty sign on door dto dance lessons at the Lind Ballroom Dance Studio in the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd.
Fred’s business car with Forever Realty, Los Angeles, CA sign on the side.
Montage
3. INT Roosevelt Hotel, Lind Ballroom Dance Studio
Fred and Alicia dance the tango. They leave dance floor. Fred coughs, pants, and pulls his tie loose.
Marvin dances with Alicia and makes fun of Fred and says he can’t win The Perfect Couple because he’s too old. announced on Valentine’s Day on Dr. Bill’s Show. Alicia says that marvin is a barber. Fred says he’s a barber, too. Alicia says Be serious. Seeing Alicia enjoy being with Marvin makes Fred sick and he asks Susanna and Jake to take Alicia home for him.
4. INT. FRED AND ALICIA’S HOME – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: Saturday, January 5, 2008
Fred shares the money problem with Alicia. She complains because he’s not doing his half. Asks how she is supposed to pay her rent and buy new equipment for her salon? He states you don’t love me any more, do you? She ignores him. Alicia says a barber would help pay the rent. When Fred offers to be the barber, she says he is too old.
5. INT. THOMSON’S GYM – NIGHT
Fred tries to outdo Carlos, Reggie, and Miguel at all the exercise machines. Joe Thomson, owner tells him to take it easy. Fred says I gotta keep up with the guys to prove I’m better than this guy Marvin that Alicia’s hired as a barber. The doctor said to lose a little of his pudgy belly. Joe said the doctor didn’t tell you to kill yourself. No more contests or I’ll kick you out. Fred tries to outdo the boys again. Joe says, I warned you. Fred says, “Don’t worry. Your insurance is safe. I won’t die on you. I’m outta here.”
.
6. INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: Saturday, January 12, 2008
Fred uses Aunt Polly’s Hair Growth Formula on his hair. On the front cover is a picture of a handsome young man with slick hair, every strand of hair in its place. A beautiful woman on the box cover is standing close to the handsome man. Fred notices his hair is standing on end like he’s been shocked and almost all of his hair falls out when he dries it with a towel. Gets his father’s old toupee and puts it on. Also notices his father’s obituary. Notices he died at 45 years old. Realizes he is the same age as his father was when he died. Can’t sleep. Gets cell phone and calls Dan.
7. INT. TENNICO’S BAR – NIGHT
Dan pays three girls $50.00 each to sit around him and pretend that he is God’s Gift to the World. Fred asks to speak to Dan alone. Dan refuses, Alicia’s hired a young barber. She
says I’m too old. Dan suggests a divorce and gives him his lawyer’s business card.
Pack your bags so you’ll be out when they serve the divorce papers. you can stay with me while you’re waiting for your divorce to become final.
8. INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: Monday, January 14, 2008
Fred goes to office of Adam Finkelstein, divorce lawyer. Outside the window workmen are using loud jackhammers. $435.00, includes court petition and summons for dissolution of the marriage.
Jackhammer noise keeps Adam from hearing Fred and makes the serve date, on or after February 14. Fred reads the papers and doesn’t notice wrong date. Adam promises he’ll notify Fred 3 days before her serves papers to Alicia.
9. INT. LAWYER’S OFFICE – DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: Friday, February 8, 2008
Adam calls process server Rick Fred Silverton wants these divorce papers served to his wife on or after February 14. Call me 3 days before you serve her. Can’t guarantee 3 days warning, but I’ll call before I serve.
10. INT. TELEVISION STUDIOS – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: February 14, 2008
Fred and Alicia, Jake and Susanna are in Dr. Bill’s studio for the announcement of The Perfect Couple. Fred receives cell phone call telling him that Alicia is going to be served the divorce papers in five minutes. Dr. Bill announces Fred and Alicia as the winners. Rick Nance serves Alicia the divorce papers. Judges says they’ll wait 60 days. If their divorce goes through, the judges say that the prizes will go Susanna and Jake, as runners up.
11. EXT. MEDIA WORLD – NIGHT
BEGIN MONTAGE
-Fred Silverton dumps wife, Alicia on national tv.
-Marquees light up. Fred Silverman dumps Alicia on Valentine’s Day on national tv.
-Fred Silverman should write e-book entitled “How to Kill a Relationship Fast, serve divorce papers on Valentine’s Day.
-Facebook: Take your wife by surprise: divorce her on Valentine’s Day.
-Twitter: Old Rat serves divorce papers to young wife on Valentine’s Day.
-Talk Radio Show: Real estate salesman serves divorce papers on Valentine’s Day. I wonder what the closing costs will be for that deal.
-Amber Alerts. Scumbag serves wife divorce papers on Valentine’s Day on National TV.
-Cell phones messages and photos.
-New York Time Square Ticker Tape Sign: Heartless man serves wife divorce papers on Valentine’s Day on Dr. Bill’s Show
-Meico Commercial: Was this bad karma or what? Los Angeles Man serves divorce papers to his wife on GUESS WHAT DAY IT WAS? Valentine’s Day. No hump for you, big guy.
END MONTAGE
12. INT. FRED’S COMPANY CAR – NIGHT
Fred sits in his company car listening to the radio. His cell phone rings off the hook. He turns it off. Fred thinks that no one understands that Alicia and I are embers in a dying fire.
13. INT. Jake’s Restaurant – Morning
SUPERIMPOSE: Friday, February 15, 2008
Jake says You used to be so happy. That’s why we nominated you for The Perfect Couple. Fred says Alicia doesn’t love me. She hired a hot shot barber. She wouldn’t hire me. I’m too old. Susanna points out that he could live to be seventy like his mother. Fred says home sales are down. Alicia says I don’t make enough money. Jake offers him part-time work in his restaurant.
14. INT. ALLURE HAIR SALON – AFTERNOON
Margery, salon helper, says Fred’ll come back. Alicia says she didn’t know he was unhappy. We were the perfect couple. Margery suggests Alicia get a new project that she can do on her own. I know I’ll redesign the salon and rename it ALLURE HAIR STYLES FOR THE STARS. I’ll use the money in our joint savings account. I’ll teach Fred Silverman to divorce me. I’ll even use Fred’s opponent realtor Remington Home Sales. When times are tough, you take chances, especially, if it’s someone else’s money.
15. INT. ALLURE HAIR SALON – DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: Saturday, February 16, 2008
Renovation King Contractors representative tells Alicia she can reorganize the space you have more efficiently and have room for barber chair, too. Add a center row of comfortable chairs where people can sit and sip on wine or other beverage while waiting for appointments or socialize afterwards. Alicia will get a license to serve wine. Representative texts Alicia pictures of his remodel designs for other major salons in Los Angeles and will bring his designs for her salon on Monday.
16. INT. TENNECO’S BAR – NIGHT
Fred wears a hat. Money sticking out of his pockets. Dream Sequence: he goes in and the girls are all over him. Saying he is hot. In real life when he goes into Tenneco’s It doesn’t happen that way at all. The Girls hit him and call him every name in the book for serving Alicia divorce papers on Valentine’s Day on National TV. He’s so hot, they pour a pitcher of ice water down his shirt.
17 INT. THOMSON’S GYM – NIGHT
Fred wearing stylish gym clothes, on the lookout for dames, Fred swaggers into the gym. Walks with a lilt and feels great. Carlos, Reggie, and Miguel give him the cold treatment and move away from him no matter where he goes. Fred loses his temper and rants and raves. He asks does anyone care? He leaves
18. EXT. Fred’s Car
Peels off and heads to Dan’s apartment.
19. EXT. OUTSIDE DAN’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Fred parks his company car and rolls his suitcase up the sidewalk to Dan’s apartment building, up the long staircase to Dan’s Apt 2A Dan tells Fred to go away. Fred says you promised I could stay with you. Dan says that was before you divorced your wife on National TV on Valentine’s Day. Fred states they were not supposed to serve her until the 15<sup>th</sup>. Dan says that doesn’t make it better. You’re not my friend, any more. Go. Fred says, “Fine. I’ll stay with Mother. She loves me.”
20. INT. FRED’S COMPANY CAR – NIGHT
Fred sleeps in the car as his Mother’s already in bed.
21. EXT. EXPENSIVE HOME FOR SALE – DAY (DREAM SEQUENCE) SUPERIMPOSE: Sunday, February 17, 2008
BEGIN DREAM MONTAGE
-People are lined up at the office to get an appointment with him to buy a house.
-Ten closings with different people who sign closing papers. -images of Fred getting money from ten different clients each time adding money to his pockets. Two shirt pockets. Two side pockets on his trousers. Four inside pockets on his suit jacket. And two outside pockets of his jacket.
-Show Fred with money dangling from every pocket.
22. INT Forever Realty
Kaufman of Forever Realty fires Fred because of what he did to Alicia on tv..
He tells Fred to leave the car and the keys in it.
Fred asks if he’d drop him off at his Mother’s house. Kaufmann says take the bus.
23. INT. CYNTHIA SILVERMAN’S HOUSE – DAY
Fred’s mother, Cynthia Silverman disowns Fred and takes him out of her will. She pushes him out the door and throws his suitcase and briefcase out the front door.
24. EXT. FRED’S MOTHER’S HOUSE – DAY
Fred’s mother won’t let him take his bike but butler gets it for him.
Stanley Peterson, Cynthia’s butler, motions for Fred to come to the garage on the side of the house. Brings bike out of the garage. Gives Fred a wad of one dollar bills.
Fred rides off, the bike wobbles from side to side. The cold weather makes Fred shiver.
25. EXT Carlos Avenue
Montage
-poor side of Carlos Avenue.
-stopped up drains
-little or no grass
-trash cans overloaded
-Fred hears landlord evicting family and three children for non-payment of their rent. He stops to sit on bench and cries.
26. EXT. HOMELESS SHELTER – DAY
Fred parks his bike at the homeless shelter. Gets at the end of the very long line. Virgil, Man in front of him recognizes him from Dr. Bill’s show, tells him the only way to make it right is to beg her forgiveness on nationwide television. Tells him not to be like him, he lost his job, wife, and his children. Fred says you could get another job, couldn’t you. He says he never tried. Seeing you on television showed me how stupid I was. Fred says he’s going job hunting in the morning and asks Virgil to come. Fred offers to give him a shave and a haircut. Goes to front desk at homeless shelter and sets up to do shaves and haircuts for all the men who want it.
27. INT. HOMELESS SHELTER – DAY
A TV news reporter videos Fred shaving and cutting hair on a live news cast. Asks people to donate ties, shirts, shoes, socks to help men prepare for interviews.
28. INT. ALICIA’S SALON – DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: Monday, February 18, 2008
Remodeled Allure Salon of the Stars. Marvin gives man a shave in the new barber chair. Alicia thanks Margery for helping with the remodeling. Alicia says she misses Fred and that he is too afraid to talk to her and he doesn’t think she wants him before she’ll talk to him. Says she has an appointment with her lawyer.
29. EXT. DOWNTOWN – DAY
Fred sees billboard ad for Alicia’s remodeled salon. Allure Salon of the Stars – Has a picture of Marvin shaving one of big stars and his Mother saying it’s the salon of the stars. Fred takes out huge bottle of aspirin and takes one and drinks from bottle of water.
30. EXT. NEWSTAND – DAY
Front Page of newspaper. Picture of Alicia, his Mother, and Marvin in front of the remodeled salon for the Grand Reopening. Fred takes aspirin.
31. EXT. FOREVER REAL ESTATE – DAY
Couple meet him and Mr. Kaufman in front of Forever Realty claiming he sold them a house with termites. Gave them a copy of court papers where they are suing Fred and Forever Realty and interviewing on 65 minutes. Fred and Kaufman work together to solve problem.
32. INT. CBS NEWS STUDIO – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Leslie Starborough and Alicia. Alicia tells about injustice of Fred being accused of selling house with termites. Alicia shows pictures of real house that Fred sold them that has a warranty with the California Termite Company and a picture of the house the Stonewalls said Fred sold them.
33. INT. TENNECO’S BAR – NIGHT
Fred discovers that Dan never had a job. He won the lottery. And his money is gone now. I don’t have money to pay the girls. They are with other guys now. New waitress hears Fred talk with Dan. When Bartender and bouncer say they can’t help, a new waitress Sandra tells Fred she’ll help him get Dan home.
34. INT. APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Dan is so drunk Fred and Sandra struggle to get him up the steps.
Fred digs in Dan’s pocket for key to apartment.
Dan almost falls but Sandra catches him. Fred opens the door.
35. INT. DAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
They get Dan into bed. Sandra says she’ll check on Dan tomorrow. She tells him she doesn’t want his money.
36. INT. FOREVER REALTY
Superimpose: Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Since Stonewalls case was thrown out, Kaufmann offers Fred his job back Fred tells Kaufmann about new venture to form Silverton realty for inexpensive homes.
37. INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Dr. Benton gives Fred new prescription, tells him he’s always speaking for other people he needs to speak up for himself and decide who he wants to be with when he dies.
38. INT. HOTEL BANQUET ROOM – NOON
SUPERIMPOSE: Monday, April 16, 2008
Entrepreneurs for a Better Los Angeles (EBLA) Annual Banquet with awards for Outstanding Entrepreneur for the Year. Reporter interviews Alicia discovers she remodeled her salon an expanded her services. When the reporter cuts down Fred, Alicia storms off stage and runs into Fred in a rat costume. Fred begs Alicia to shred the divorce papers and renew their vows. He opened Silverman Realty to find reasonable priced places for people to live. He also set up The Silverman Trust Fund to provide food, clothing, and training for the homeless shelters
in the Los Angeles area for men and women. Alicia apologizes for hiring the young guy that pushed him over the edge and for not noticing that he was afraid he was going to die.
Dr. Bill calls and says that they have been declared the winners of the Perfect Couple. Fred and Alicia talk for a minute and tell him that they would like the money, instead of the Hawaii trip, and add it to the Trust Fund for the Homeless. Alicia gives her $1,000 prize earnings to the Trust fund for the homeless too.
39. INT. ROOSEVELT HOTEL
Fred and Alicia dance the night away. They won’t dance with anyone else. Marvin has his own partner. They get real emotional and sex-driven when they do the tango. Alicia suggests they leave and go home where they can get more comfortable.
40. EXT. HOME – NIGHT
Alicia takes Fred’s hand and leads him down the hallway past the mirror to the bedroom. Fred smiles, winks and rubs his bald spot and his belly. He closes the bedroom door behind him gently.
On the door is a sign that says,
The Perfect Couple.
***
Parts I elevated.
3. Part of town Fred and Alicia don’t notice.
-poor side of Carlos Avenue. No shrubs, no trees, stopped up drains, little grass
-no place to park,
-town swimming pool so crowded you can’t feel the water.
-tall apartment houses with no heat or air conditioning.
-landlords evicting renters for non-payment
-radio announces record breaking cold weather of twenty-nine degrees which makes Fred and Alicia shiver.
-Los Angeles Mission’s Homeless Shelter has an overload of men and women in line.
Leave this out. Have Fred notice this as he rides the bus after he’s fired and heading for his Mother’s house..
6.INT. GYM – NIGHT
Fred tries to outdo his friends at all the exercise machines. Joe Thomson, night manager tells him to take it easy. Fred says I gotta keep up with the guys. The doctor said to lose a little of his pudgy belly. Joe said the doctor didn’t tell you to kill yourself. His friends tell him he beat them us on sit-ups and toe touches, he doesn’t have to beat them at every thing.. Don’t try to outdo the others. If I see you doing that again, Fred I’ll kick you out and ban you from coming back.
Maybe have 3 friends instead of 4.
7. INT. GYM – NIGHT
SUPERIMPOSE: Sunday, January 6, 2008
Fred tries to outdo his friends Carlos, Reggie, Steve, and Miguel again. He says he has to win the contests to prove that he is better than Marvin. Joe Thomson reminds him no contests or you are out of here. Fred says I’m out of here.
3 friends instead of 4.
24. EXT. Blake Street EXPENSIVE HOME FOR SALE – DAY
Fred’s clients, Stuart and Mabel Potts recognize him from Dr. Bill’show and refuses to do business with a wife jilter. Harold Kaufman, Forever Realty slams on brakes and jumps out of car and fires Fred.
25. EXT Blake Street
Repo services follow Fred closely. Tell him to stop or they’ll shoot. He keeps going and stops in Church parking lot. They yank Fred out. Throw his belongings beside him and take the car.
He walks to his Mother’s house.
Kaufman of Forever Realty fires Fred because of tv coverage.
Leave the car and the keys in it. You’ll get your severance pay on Friday.
You can take the bus.
35. INT. TENNECO’S BAR – NIGHT
Fred discovers that Dan never had a job. Winning the Lottery gave him his money. And his money is gone now. I don’t have money to pay the girls. They are with other guys now. New waitress hears Fred talk with Dan. When Bartender and bouncer say they can’t help, a new waitress Sandra tells Fred she’ll help him get Dan home.
36. INT. APARTMENT BUILDING – NIGHT
Dan is so drunk Fred and Sandra struggle to get him up the steps to his second floor apartment. Fred and Sandra finally get him to his door. Fred digs deep in Dan’s pocket for his keys. Dan almost falls but Sandra’s able to put a body lock on him.
Fred opens the door.
37. INT. DAN’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
They get Dan into bed. Sandra says she’ll check on Dan tomorrow. She tells him she doesn’t want his money.
Rewrite so montages – on stairs, unlocking door, taking off shoes, then live with Sandra saying she’ll come back to check on him tomorrow.
38. INT. OUTSIDE LOS ANGELES COURTHOUSE – AFTERNOON SUPERIMPOSE: Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Reporter interviews Burt Stonewall who says he and his wife were mistaken about Fred selling them a house with termites. The court threw the case out.
Perhaps have meeting of Fred and owner of Forever Realty to give Fred his job back after case with Stonewalls case thrown out. Fred and Forever Realty go in together to form Silverton realty for inexpensive homes.
41. EXT. HOME – NIGHT
Rework where they dance the tango. Consider going to dance lessons to go full circle.
Fred cooks dinner and they eat by candlelight. Alicia takes Fred’s hand and leads him down the hallway past the mirror to the bedroom. Fred winks and rubs his baldspot and his belly. He closes the bedroom door behind him gently.
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Alice’s Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is I don’t know if that is imagination, but it reads differently. I had to exchange so that it would match Outline Structure.
Everything falls as cardboard box, when small group of casted society descends into underground shelter to spend century along winter, and appears at epicenter of destruction of their planet Revozvrander.
Second Turning Point at the end of Act 2
1.INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to fly away.
2.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol encourages her Disheveled circle to help her with killing Cameo for the sake of experiment.
3.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider and save it.
4.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor go down to Identifier’s place.
5.INT. IDENTIFIER’S ROOM – MORNING
Star hacks into reaching database to Copy Data.
6.INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
7.INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
8.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Lensor brings food to Star before Identifier.
9.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance, but is saved by Platinum.
10.INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
11.INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
12.INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
13.INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
14.INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
15.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum.
16.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
17.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
18.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
Tandem comes back, to find Platinum distressed.
19.INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – AFTERNOON
Hydro and Quartz watch video again.
20.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
21.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
22.INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kid together for the night.
23.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
24.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
25.INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
26.INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
27.INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
To be Exchanged into…
1.INT. OFFICE – MORNING
Quartz calls Stone over the phone. Stone is to fly away.
2.INT. ROOM OF OMNIVOL – AFTERNOON
Omnivol mentions amid Disheveled circle, she wants Cameo be sacrificed for infusions with her concoction.
4.INT. SECOND PLATFORM – DAY
Keepers, Star and Lensor descend on Second Floor, as Star heads for Identifier to find some data (now they have net connection).
6.INT. PLATFORM – MORNING
Platinum, Carbon and Tandem build additional staircase.
7.INT. DINNING ROOM – DAY
Blond Disheveled escapes dining room to steal pregnancy medicine from Crystal’s room.
9.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – AFTERNOON
Crystal notices pregnancy medicine disappearance too late, but is saved by Platinum.
10.INT. TOP PLATFORM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk, observing commotion.
11.INT. TOP PLATFPRM – DAY
Quartz picks up Video to watch.
12.INT. TOP PLATFORM BEFORE KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Teens go into Keepers’ room to watch video, as women gather at the Second Floor at Mindless Headquarters.
13.INT. SECOND FLOOR – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium talk to Platinum, who relates them an allegory.
14.INT. KEEPERS ROOM – AFTERNOON
Lensor and Silicium enter Keepers’ room right at the moment when video showcases image of headless child.
16.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star notices link on research of planetary areas, their subject, which she cannot open.
17.INT. ROOM OF SILICIUM – AFTERNOON
Cameo tries to console Diamond.
19.INT. KEEPERS’ ROOM – AFTERNOON
Hydro and Quartz watch video again.
15.INT. YARD – AFTERNOON
As Carbon and Silicium discuss all of it with Platinum, he is called from upstairs.
20.INT. ROOM WITH IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Star shows Keepers broken link, and they decide it is to be cracked for info.
21.INT. CRYSTAL’S ROOM – EVENING
Crystal tells Magnesium of predicament she feels, not to give any birth.
3.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – DAY
Board discusses necessity to Copy Data for Stone, so that he would bring it to Another Planet, Slider and save it.
22.INT. SECOND FLOOR – EVENING
Lime decides to put all kids together for the night.
23.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – EVENING
Star puts identification program to work.
24.INT. KEEPER’S ROOM – NIGHT
Quartz shows Lime and Hydro information on underground he discovered in printouts. Omnivol tries to reach Identifier, but is caught and turned away.
25.INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Magnet in a shower.
26.INT. ROOM OF PLATINUM AND TANDEM – NIGHT
Platinum and Gilding before intercourse.
27.INT. LIME’S DREAM – NIGHT
Lime’s allegorical dream featuring his distant lover.
8.INT. ROOM OF IDENTIFIER – AFTERNOON
Lensor brings food to Star before Identifier.
#8 goes to Mid-Point!
#18 should be fused with #15
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Neil’s Beat Sheet for Military Family Blues
What I learned from this lesson is I had a breakthrough. I realize why just about every producer I have talked to asked for a beat sheet. I have this screenplay written, and I thought it was pretty close to as good as possible. Sadly as I started to flesh out the beat sheet, I saw many disconnects and things that were clear to me but others were not seeing because I wrote them so subtle.
The beat sheet I am developing is a rough product right now, but I am developing a style that will clearly expose all the foreshowing and subtle clues planted throughout the story. The below shows the beginning of the four main character’s walk. I am now cleaning up apparent disconnects but see how I can do better with my dialogue and situations to make the subtext clearer to those looking for it. I am sure that is exactly what a producer wants before investing too much time.
It will also show A-list actors clearly the walk they will be nailing in the subtext and situations to raise the tension to its highest level. Giving them goals and challenges to shoot for. So below is the first twenty scenes roughed out and ensuring I nail the dialogue and situations I create to the must-haves to drive the story properly.
Doing this process shows precisely what needs to be in the dialogue, so later on, in the next rewrite, I will concentrate on making the dialogue as succinct as possible.
For the last eight years, I have been taking classes, learning the bricks that make up a good screenplay, but this lesson has shown me the mortar that holds the bricks together.
This is beginning of my beat sheet for the entire screenplay. I will add more with each lesson.
Logline: Two unrelated military reserve families are on the brink of divorce as a member from each family is deployed to Honduras for a humanitarian tour but are reassigned to the Army and then caught in a deadly cartel ambush.
Military Family Blues Beat Sheet
1. INT. BILL AND MARY’S HOUSE – MASTER BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bill wakes and gets ready to leave for his deployment.
2. LIVING ROOM – SHORT TIME LATER
Bill finishes packing his duffle bag with a bottle of WHISKEY and a SWITCHBLADE. Leaves a CARD and ANNIVERSARY GIFT on the table.
3. BOYS BEDROOM
Bill kisses the boys while they are still sleeping.
4. MASTER BEDROOM
Bill kisses his daughter and turns to Mary, his wife, and she explodes, “I want a divorce!” Shocking Bill deeply and putting him at a disadvantage.
5. INT. SAMATHA (SAM) IN HER SUV – NIGHT
Sam is distraught about something as she drives to the Air Force base.
6. INT. BILL DRIVING IN HIS SUV – NIGHT
Bill is in shock, trying to drive to the Air Force base.
7. EXT. AIR FORCE BASE PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Sam pulls herself together and heads to report for duty.
8. INT. CIVIL ENGINEERING ASSEMBLY ROOM – EARLY MORNING
Meet the AF Civil Engineers mechanical systems team. Sam explains Bill is the only guy she trusts. “MISTER MARRIED MAN.”
9. INT. FIRE STATION LOCKER ROOM – DAY
Tom, Sam’s husband, talks with the fire station chaplain about his troubled marriage. Also, the chaplain tells Tom to look out for a military family that needs help with home repairs that they could help. The chaplain tells Tom to read PROVERBS 5:15-19.
10. INT. AIR FORCE TRANSPORT AIRCRAFT – DAY
Sam and Bill talk on the long flight to Honduras.
11. INT. GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT – EVENING
Mary, Bill’s wife, meets Tom for the first time. He helps her. They don’t know their spouses are deployed together. It is snowing hard as Tom fixes her flat tire. Mary notices TOM’S COLOGNE and likes it a lot.
12. INT. AIR FORCE TRANSPORT AIRCRAFT – DAY (CONTINUED)
Sam and Bill find out they are BOTH ON THE VERGE OF DIVORCE.
13. FLASHBACK – INT. BASE CIVILIAN OFFICE – NIGHT
Bill remembers how his boss noticed he was overdoing work.
14. FLASHBACK CONTINUES – INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT
Bill remembers how Mary didn’t like his temporary fixes for the DISHWASHER and broken BACK DOOR.
15. I/E. GARAGE/DRIVEWAY – EVENING
Mary arrives home and finds out Tom followed her home. Creepy at first. But finds out only his wife is deployed too. He guesses she is in Saudi, the last place he knows she went to.
16. INT. KITCHEN – DAY
Mary feeding their two children and breastfeeding the youngest.
18. I/E. FRONT DOOR – DAY
The storm is over. Tom offers to snow blow her property.
19. INT. GARAGE – DAY
Mary is caught barefoot wearing only “wear at home PJs,” with no bra. She is bounding around the garage with her bare feet on the super cold floor. Tom secretly notices and likes what he sees but tries not to look for moral reasons. MAN OF INTEGRITY FIGHTING HIS INSTINCTS.
20. BEDROOM – DAY
Mary watches Tom snowplow. She likes what she sees but HAS A CATCH IN HER HEART DUE TO MORAL ISSUES.
21. KITCHEN – LATER
Mary hears the snowblower in the garage. Reacts by stopping what she is doing quickly and heads for the door to see this CURIOUSLY INTRIGUING MAN THAT SMELLS GOOD.
22. INT. GARAGE – DAY
Mary barefoot, bounding around the garage again. Tom asked if they needed any repairs for the house. His fire station is looking for a military family that needs help. Mary identifies the DISHWASHER AND BACK DOOR.
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Neil,
Interesting plot and characters. It will be intriguing to see how this plays out in the rest of your screenplay. Knowing the subtext helps understand the situation. In reading it, the name Sam signified a man, although it probably stood for Samantha. I admire your wri5ing and submitting and rewriting! I would appreciate it if you would give me your opinion of my beat sheet for “The Perfect Couple.” Joan Edwards
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Joan Edwards.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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What I learned: I needed to do some more restructuring of the beats from the previous assignment. It took awhile. So the 2<sup>nd</sup> beatsheet is partially a restructure and partly an elevation. I still need to elevate more beats.
Logline :When 12-year-old Hannah, a wannabe baker, discovers a message in her famous pastry chef ancestor’s recipe book, she’s transported back in time where she must foil a British plot to end the American Revolution that puts her young ancestor’s life in danger.
Jumble of Time 1st pass
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY
We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4<sup>th</sup>, 1777.
As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER
(Discover message) Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18<sup>th</sup> century recipe book. Insecure, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.
INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER
Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18<sup>th</sup> century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and volunteers to deliver jumbles so she can retrieve it.
INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY
Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)
As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the reenactment.
Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke.
EXT. 18TH CENTURY PHILADELPHIA — DAY
Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia. She ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house where she is mistaken as a relative by MARY NEWPORT. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices PRISSA, 16, and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.
Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.
Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3<sup>rd</sup>, 1777.
EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING
As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER
Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.
Act 2
General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER
Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution.
EXT. WHARF — DAY
Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to buy his rum and enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.
EXT. STATEHOUSE — DAY
Hannah and Lydia see the American army and congress assembled for a reading of the Declaration of Independence. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY
Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.
In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.
45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)
EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hannah hesitates before going through the door and so has a short conversation with Hugh. Lydia treats him coldly.
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER
The long room,is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. Hannah tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.
EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh McDonald is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.
INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY
The girls sneak down to the cellar and discover Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. They realize the rum is drugged. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.
INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.
As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)
EXT. PHILADELPHIA WHARF — DAY
Hannah and Lydia rush down towards the docks, not realizing they are being followed by Caleb. The girls split and Hannah sees Lydia is kidnapped
It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there. Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY
Hannah sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails.
(all is lost)
EXT. Philadelphia Wharf — DAY
Hannah goes back to rescue Lydia, Hannah is captured too, but Collett rescues them by pretending to be a slave trader
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY
Captain Collett brings a load of good rum to replace the tainted rum. Hannah and Lydia hide in the wagon. They reveal themselves to Hugh and he and Jesse. This is Hugh’s moment of truth. They do play along with the charade Hannah has concocted to switch the rum. They do deliver untainted rum to the party.
CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — AFTERNOON
Buie mistakenly tells Turner the kidnapping plan is back on track. The wagons are in back.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON
Hannah and Lydia need to dump the tainted rum as Hugh and Jesse go for reinforcements. They are successful, but then caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.
The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the main toast with Rum.
The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.
The good rum doesn’t knock out the guests. Turner is baffled.
Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators
In the mean-time the guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON
The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah, the conspirators get away.
When Hugh’s Captain arrives Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.
They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.
ACT 3- RESOLUTION
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT
All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon.
EXT. CITY TAVERN — NIGHT
Bonfires dot the streets and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah is asked to help carry food home for a neighbor. On her return she spots Hugh. As they speak the door of City Tavern begins to glow behind them. Hannah says good night. She walks back into the future through the City Tavern Portal.
INT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21<sup>st</sup> century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives her her cell phone but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.
Jumble of Time
Treatment/ Beat Sheet (2<sup>nd</sup> pass)
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – DAY
We meet HANNAH, her GRANDMA, and Hannah’s uncle JIM BALDWIN, as Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk on what happened at the City Tavern, on July 4<sup>th</sup>, 1777.
As Hannah checks herself in an old mirror she is startled by the momentary reflection of colonial girl looking back at her.
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM – LATER
(Discover message) Hannah is left alone to display their famous baking ancestor’s MARY NEWPORT’s prized 18<sup>th</sup> century recipe book. Insecure because she lost a baking contest, Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes during the Rev. War. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.
INT. GRANDMA’S HOUSE – LATER
Hannah berates herself for being spooked and wonders if Uncle Jim left the message in the book to prank her. She and grandma prepare Jumbles (18<sup>th</sup> century cookies). Hannah learns of her 3x great grandmother LYDIA through her grandmother. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles so she can retrieve it.
INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY
Back in Time (10 minutes- inciting incident)
As Hannah enters the door of the tavern she steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777. Hannah thinks this is part of the reenactment.
Hannah meets LYDIA, her 12-year old ancestor who was the girl in the mirror. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper. Hannah now thinks her uncle is playing a practical joke on her. Hannah follows Lydia in order to foil the joke. Hannah chases Lydia out of the City Tavern and through colonial Philadelphia.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER
She ends up at the 18th century version of her grandmother’s house where she is mistaken as a relative by MARY NEWPORT. Mary Newport, Lydia and the other apprentices PRISSA, 16, and BECCA,9, bake for the July 4th celebration at the City Tavern.
BENEDICT ARNOLD comes to the shop. Hannah is aghast that he is a war hero, knowing he will one day be a traitor.
Lydia is suspicious of Hannah.
Hannah realizes that she has gone back in time and is among her ancestors on July 3<sup>rd</sup>, 1777.
EXT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — MORNING
As Hannah and Lydia return from an errand they interrupt rebel ruffians throwing rocks through the windows of Mary Newport’s pastry shop. Hannah chases them off.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER
Hannah and Lydia overhear JOSEPH GALLOWAY, a known Tory, tell Mary Newport, that there may be trouble at the City Tavern during the feast when she and the girls will be serving. He divulges the plot to kidnap congress and asks her not to raise the alarm. Lydia doesn’t take the threat seriously. Hannah is concerned.
Act 2
General direction. Hannah assumed her ancestors are ardent patriots, but they are Quakers. They try to stay out of the war and have no affection for the rebels. Hannah repeatedly puts her foot in her mouth by letting 20th century speech and knowledge slip out. Hannah moves towards being connected to Lydia while she gradually realizes she must foil the plot.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — LATER
Although frazzled, Mary Newport decides they’ll serve at City Tavern. She learns her Quaker ancestors do not support the war as she reveals her support of the revolution. Hannah suggests they make cupcakes to replace the smashed pies – but they haven’t been invented yet.
EXT. WHARF — DAY
Lydia and Hannah go on an errand to buy spices from CAPTAIN COLLETT, ship captain and family friend, where he is approached by CALEB OAFLEY to enlist his aid in ferrying prisoners in the kidnapping plot. Lydia grows more suspicious of Hannah and accuses her of being a rebel. Hannah grows more certain she may have to intervene to save the timeline of history.
EXT. STATEHOUSE — DAY
Hannah and Lydia see the American army and congress assembled for a reading of the Declaration of Independence. They meet HUGH MCDONALD, young soldier. Hannah thinks he’s charming but Lydia thinks he looks like one of the ruffians who broke their windows.
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY
Hannah and Lydia arrive home to find that Mr. Galloway has taken Mary Newport into “safekeeping”. Prissa is in charge and the girls will have to serve at the Fourth of July Feast on their own.
In the course of an argument over the war Hannah learns more of Lydia’s sentiments. Hannah and Lydia decide not to tell the other two girls of the plot to kidnap congress. While Lydia thinks Mr. Galloway is looking after her aunt, Hannah thinks she’s been kidnapped so she can’t reveal the plot. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.
45 Minutes (Hannah starts to realize she may have to intervene)
EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hugh McDonald is stationed as an American guard outside the City Tavern as Prissa, Becca, Lydia and Hannah approach. Hannah hesitates before going through the door and so has a short conversation with Hugh. Lydia treats him coldly.
INT. CITY TAVERN LONG ROOM — MOMENTS LATER
The long room,is set for a lavish feast. Prissa delivers a note to the proprietor, DANIEL TURNER, explaining Mary Newport’s absence. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, especially BENEDICT ARNOLD. Hannah tries to surreptitiously warn JOHN ADAMS that there is a plot and fingers Arnold, whom she mistakenly thinks is poisoning the wine. Hannah’s bungled attempt gets Hannah and Lydia dismissed by Turner.
EXT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hannah notices the guard has changed and Hugh McDonald is gone. Lydia is relieved to be leaving but Hannah thinks something is amiss and is intent on checking it out.
INT. CITY TAVERN CELLAR — DAY
Hannah sneaks down to the cellar and discovers Hugh McDonald and another AMERICAN SOLDIER, JESSE tied up. The group reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner. Turner assures them he will notify the rebel leaders.
INT. CITY TAVERN — MOMENTS LATER mid-point whammy) Turner is behind the plot and means harm to the girls.
As the girls leave Mr. Turner tells Caleb to take care of the meddling girls. (change needed here in how the villains will “take care of the girls)
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY
Hannah is ready to go home but Lydia has eaten a drugged cake and she passes out. Hannah realizes the double-cross. The plot is still alive and Lydia is in danger.
It’s up to Hannah. Hannah searches for Captain Collett. He’s not there. Hannah runs back to warn the soldiers (Hugh and friends) that they’re being double-crossed.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — DAY
Hannah sneaks around to the back of the city tavern just in time to see that Hugh may join the Tory plotters. She strings fireworks under the wagon in an attempt to spook the horses but her attempt fails. It seems no one can help her to foil the plot or help Lydia.
(all is lost)
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — DAY
Collett comes back and Hannah realizes the bond he has with Lydia. He will search for the antidote. Hannah decides to bake cupcakes on her own despite her lack of 18<sup>th</sup> century baking knowledge. Collett returns with the antidote and now Lydia, although grogy, can help.
INT. CITY TAVERN – DAY
Hannah, Lydia and Capt. Collett have no real plan to replace the tainted cakes but show up and improvise. They have to trick the bad guys and get the cakes upstairs to the guests. Hannah leads the prank, the henchman is drugged and out of action and upstairs, in delivering the cakes, a food fight erupts as Hannah has to escape.
This is also Hugh’s moment of truth. He does help them.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD — AFTERNOON
In running away Hannah and Lydia are caught by the villains and tied up in the back of Buie’s wagon.
The revolutionary leaders hang out the window and cheer the parade going by. It’s time for the main toast with Rum.
The parade marches by. Hugh and Jesse are with their regiment. Collett sneaks out the front door. Galloway watches nervously from across the street.
Just then Hugh’s band of soldiers diverts towards the back of the City Tavern. They come around the corner and train their rifles on the conspirators
In the mean-time the guests leave and congratulate Mr. Turner on a wonderful party. The plot has been foiled.
EXT. CITY TAVERN BACK COURTYARD – AFTERNOON
The conspirators are captured, but in the mayhem, partly caused by Hannah, the conspirators get away.
When Hugh’s Captain arrives, Hugh downplays the event saying they just ran off some ruffians.
They have all foiled the plot to kidnap congress. They have saved the revolution and the revolutionary leaders and no one will ever know about it.
ACT 3- RESOLUTION
INT. MARY NEWPORT’S HOUSE — NIGHT
All are gathered safely back at Aunt Molly’s. Mary Newport has no idea what the girls did and they keep their secret. Hannah scribes the message to her future self in future in Mary Newport’s recipe book. Lydia sees her. They speak of the way they have become like sisters. They both feel Hannah will leave soon.
EXT. CITY TAVERN — NIGHT
Bonfires dot the streets and firecrackers light up the night. People celebrate. Hannah is asked to help carry food home for a neighbor. On her return she spots Hugh. As they speak the door of City Tavern begins to glow behind them. Hannah says good night. She walks back into the future through the City Tavern Portal.
INT. CITY TAVERN — DAY
Hannah is back at the City Tavern in the 21<sup>st</sup> century only 1 hour after she left. Uncle Jim gives hands her cell phone back but she’s not interested in it, she’s interested in commenting on the reenactment, in family hx and in the recipe book. At end she notices Lydia has written a doodle entwined with hers in the recipe book too.
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Aurora’s Story Beats
I learned it’s a struggle dealing with all the detail, when I still should be looking at the essence. Its very time consuming cutting out the fat. Needs more work but I’m anxious to get caught up with the class and get a critique partner interested in this story.
Logline for Book of Trouble : A wealthy international rancher grasping for the reason behind his suddenly catastrophic losses, is kidnapped by his board members, who pressure him to admit criminal culpability and commit suicide.
ACT ONE
EXT. PARKING LOT E. WALKER RANCH PARK –DAY
A Smoky the Bear sign warns “Fire Alert HIGH”. Next to it an Aston Martin DB11 convertible is parked in the shade of an oak, its top down. Tall, handsome Englishman, ALAN CHAMBERLAIN(55) dapper in a dark suit, leans against the door, on a cell phone. Park Ranger advises park closes at sunset, be aware homeless vagrants in the area, report any fires. Alan hides the car in the brush. Coupe is seen in increasing decline over time as he moves it from place to place: first emblems, then hub caps stolen, roof ripped, wheels taken amid howls of figures rustling in the bush. Finally a wrecker tows away car’s graffiti covered shell.
EXT. E WALKER RANCH –NIGHT
Alan sleeps in stone pillars of the burnt out Walker homestead. He is attacked by a gang of IMPS, and even his clothing stolen. He stumbles naked in the dark, putting on rags shed by the gang.
EXT. E WALKER RANCH-DAY
Alan’s wife, BARBARA (50) finds him filthy, unshaven, his body covered with sores, wearing too short pants and a greasy dark hooded coat on his knees mumbling in prayer. She is accompanied by a social worker and a van full of young children of various nationalities, including the eldest LENA (11) blonde Argentine girl. Barbara asks for Alan’s help, showing him a load of legal papers. He moans.
EXT. PARKING LOT E WALKER RANCH-DAY
MICHAEL, (20S, autistic) and JOSHUA (30s, mute veteran) lift Alan onto a small seedy New Eden Rescue Mission bus. BARBARA pleads with ALAN for help with the orphan children but he is non responsive. BARBARA curses him for being self absorbed.. LENA hands Barbara an oversized crying toddler, complaining about the “big baby”. BARBARA angrily shoves a duffle bag of legal papers at LENA and propels her also onto the bus.
INT.BUS-AFTERNOON
As the bus pulls out Michael rocks and begins fluidly reciting scriptures from memory, with the accent of a radio preacher. Joshua drives the bus. Alan lays on his side on a bench across the back, moaning, oblivious to a tract in his hand. It reads “Trouble? Jesus Christ a very present help.” Lena chats to Michael, but he doesn’t look at her. She explains she is learning piano, and that Poppie ALAN is a very rich Yanqui ganadero with a big ranch in Rosario, Argentina who gives gifts every Christmas to all the orphans like her. But now he’s “cursed” ever since the fire. His son Samuel’s house burned down. Poppie ALAN won’t eat, won’t wash. He is very sad and sleeps with his eyes open, down in the bushes. “I asked Poppie for a piano, but he told me, “Not today”. The only other passenger is a hefty middle-aged tattooed character, CHUPACABRA, wearing Draco dragon Sunglasses. He listens to this conversation, but is talking on his IPhone.
INCITING INCIDENT
EXT. BUS-DAY
The bus suddenly brakes and comes to a complete stop due a downed motorcycle blocking the otherwise empty roadway. Several other motorcycles have stopped and a group stand around a rider lying in the road. One of the men holds a long lance. Various ones are wearing Alan’s vest, shirt, pants, and motoring hat.
INT. BUS- DAY
Alan shakes. He lurches forward to sit next to the bus driver. He tells Joshua to use his radio to call the police. Joshua shakes his head no, and makes a motion like cutting the throat, revealing a large scar on his neck. ALAN retreats to the back of the bus. Chupa give orders and several IMPs rummage through Alan’s bag. One drives the bus and the rest circle it on motorcycles hooting and hollering. One with a lance catches a rabbit along the road and they all shriek. Chupa is on the phone. Up ahead a road block, the police are preventing traffic from going into an evacuated area, but Chupa points, directing how to circumvent the road block
EXT. BUS DRIVING -day
The bus enters a sandy a construction road, crossing the dry Santa Clara riverbed to sneak into the fire evacuation area. Bus goes up mountainous pass in evacuated area, passing and residents with loaded horse trailers going the other way. It drives into the open gate of an abandoned movie ranch in a remote mountainous area above the Santa Clarita valley.
EXT. FRONT OF MOVIE RANCH
The gates are all open and livestock and wild animals wander about, let out of their pens. Chupa has no cell phone signal.
INT. JAIL HOUSE at MOVIE RANCH
Alan, Lena, Joshua and Michael are locked in a jail building at the movie ranch. Alan is frightened to see rattle snake inside the jail. The snake isn’t real, but mechanized. Alan discovers the bars on the cell are rubber. Alan squeezes out between the rubber bars and flees alone.
EXT. ACCESS ROAD
The sole access road is blocked by the violent IMP gang, who have parked the mission bus across the road. They see ALAN, pursue him on a motor cycle, using a lance to pin him through his long dirty coat to the ground, and drag him back, bloodied, to the jail. The Imps are hired contractors, but threat him for a separate ransom paid directly to them- “skins for skin”, if he hopes to survive. Alan explains he “lost it all.” The banks called all his loans and seized his houses, the Feds grabbed the rest of his US holdings, Argentina seized all the rest. Imp:“Your children will pay a ransom for papa”. Alan: “All died in a fire”. Imp: “El Quemado– you lie. You will burn forever.”
EXT. JAIL-DAY
The other hostages are now outside the jail too, Michael pretends the jail door was left unlocked to cover for Alan.
INT. JAIL- DAY
Joshua carries Alan back inside and the other hostages share water and a stash of food they found. Lena tells Alan about a white horse Joshua enticed back into the stable. Joshua tends to Alan ’s wound and the sores on his skin by putting ash on them. A real rattle snake is found in Alan’s bunk. Joshua wordlessly stomps on the snake.
SECOND ACT
EXT. JAIL CELL-EARLY MORNING
Alan slips out of the jail bars alone again to escape
EXT. CORRAL-CONT.
He finds the white horse but it throws him and runs off.
INT. MOTORHOME
LUCIEN HUGO ( 38, Cuban man wears large black framed glasses), MERCEDES RINCON (55) & HARRY FARGO (60) are meeting inside Harry’s motorhome. The three are Alan’s former friends and board members. They discuss their interests in Alan’s companies. Harry asks for a financial report. Lucien says the US government and the Argentine government have seized not only all of Alan’s personal assets but all assets of his corporations. The accounts are all cleaned out. Lucien says that Alan probably has some precious metals or old coins stashed away somewhere. MERCEDES asks why all properties were seized? Was Alan running drugs or what? HARRY & LUCIEN don’t have all the facts of what happened but investigators have been contacting them too. LUCIEN explains the company’s key man insurance policy would pay out in the event of ALAN ’s suicide. “Who knows, it could be that his conscience will get the better of him and he will end his life. they have a limited time to get the truth out of Alan.
EXT. MOTORHOME
On his way back to the jail, ALAN sees and recognizes HARRY’s motor home and LUCIEN’s Jeep parked at the ranch.
INT. MOTORHOME
ALAN walks in on Lucien, Mercedes & Harry. He thinks he is being rescued. At first they greet him warmly, claiming they are at the ranch for “an Intervention”, since he had a breakdown and disappeared. ALAN has no idea what’s been going on with the company, except the money dried up and BARBARA got served with some lawsuits, so he’s been camping in the bush while she’s taking care of the employee’s orphans. ALAN ’s friends hostilely accuse him of secret wrongdoing. ALAN learns the FBI is looking for him. They argue bad things don’t happen to good people. ALAN becomes indignant and argues his innocence, emphasizing that he had encouraged and helped each of one.
Lucien placates ALAN, shows clips of home movies of Alan’s (now deceased) adult children playing polo in Argentina and their opulent life in Argentina, the local mayor giving ALAN an award for setting up an orphanage. All of the Interveners, and Lena were in the footage, enjoying happier days.Lucien makes a snide remark about Samuel, Alan ’s eldest son, indicating jealousy.
MERCEDES asks ALAN if there was any update on how the fire at his Samuel’s house started? Had he heard anything from the Arson Investigator? ALAN is startled to hear arson is suspected. HARRY is sarcastic.“In addition to the deaths of your six adult children at least 8 more people died in a fire at a party, you don’t think there would be an investigation? Alan gets emotional and begins rants about wanting to die.
MICHAEL knocks on the door with a “message”. LENA is looking for ALAN . The Interveners look at each other in amazement and ask: Lena’s here too? LUCIEN asks ALAN if the trafficked orphan girl is here with him? MERCEDES (incredulously) What do you mean trafficked?
INT. LODGE-DAY
The Interveners immediately go with ALAN to locate LENA who is with the other hostages in the lodge. LENA plays the piano and MICHAEL sings “Yes, I will”. MERCEDES interrupts, grabs Lena by the hair. Chews her out for running away. LENA tells her story, explains taken by Senora RINCON (MERCEDES) to a “new home” with Senor Monos in Rosario with promise of piano lessons. However, the big house didn’t have a piano. Mean lady slapped her, demanding she change clothes, so she climbed out a window, and walked back to the orphanage, ran into neighbor women and they were shocked when she told them what happened. Senora Rincon, was worried and the two of them started out that night on a bus headed for California. ALAN tells Mercedes to let go of her hair. Asks if anyone had hurt her. “No Poppie, not really”, she cries, “I know I have to just keep waiting for a piano.”
ALAN asks MERCEDES “how could you not know more about the MONOS “family” that owned the house where LENA was taken? And why did you bring her illegally into the United States? HARRY interjects this was your idea, ALAN. ALAN denies it. LUCIEN wonders aloud if ALAN ‘s eldest son, SAMUEL, orchestrated the sale of the child. Mercedes says, “ Perhaps he deserved to die in any case, since he was the one that caused the explosion and fire.”
Lucien reveals The police found parts of a drug lab after the explosion but the arson reports are still out LUCIEN states that in addition to arson investigators, the DEA is also looking for ALAN . Preliminary evidence indicates a drug lab exploded in the basement of the son’s home killing everyone in the house, including some company employees.
HARRY: So, at the time of the fire, Lucien you were there? Lucien: We were ALL there. Harry & Mercedes deny it. MERCEDES admits she took LENA to SAMUEL’s home, as the girl was babysitting the employee’s little kids. MERCEDES asks her how she got together with ALAN now and how was he treating her.
LENA says she loves Poppie ALAN . Admits she ran away from MERCEDES after the fire, not wanting to go back to Argentina, going instead with BARBARA, ALAN ’s wife, who took over the care of the dead employees’ orphans, that LENA had been babysitting.
MERCEDES admits she had brought LENA illegally into California, in the back of a truck. LENA says she was told to carrying a small silver suitcase which was locked. MERCEDES explained she received message from ALAN with the suitcase, and was told it was a birthday present and to bring it, along with LENA to the party Samuel’s house at the El Dorado polo club in Palm Springs, CA. She just thought there might be a problem if people knew the orphans were running away.
ALAN denies he was in Argentina at the time. MERCEDES does not have ALAN ’s note. She admits that there were not one but two locked suitcases, and she carried the other one. She does not recall where she got the money for the trip, but it was cash. ALAN questioned about his whereabouts during the fire. ALAN is accused of cover up and secret “sin”.
EXT. LODGE- AFTERNOON
An IMP walks by with a baby rattlesnake. ALAN warn hims it is the baby rattle snake is the most dangerous. The IMP says a prop snake. When he pretends to eat it, the snake bites the IMP in the face. Other IMPs rush to haul him away .
CHUPACABRA tells ALAN that the IMPs are hired drug addicts, cannibals and arsonists, and like their meat lightly roasted. He tells the hostages the IMPS call ALAN “El Quemado” the “burnt one”. He warns ALAN if he’s arrested for trafficking children, he’ll get killed in prison. CHUPA grabs ALAN in a headlock and twists him to the ground, whispering he’s an undercover cop and he’s trying to call in their location on his cell phone but can’t get signal.ALAN doesn’t believe CHUPA, and tells MERCEDES of CHUPA’s statement.
<b style="font-size: 1rem;">MIDPOINT
<b style="font-size: 1rem;">EXT. DISTANT HILLSIDE -AFTERNOON
The fire is closer. Super scoopers and fire fighting helicopters are seen on the distant hills dropping water & clouds of red Phos-Chek.
<b style="font-size: 1rem;">EXT. LODGE PORCH
ALAN admits he was in Palm Springs however he was not there at Samuel’s birthday party. He claims his habit to pray when they partied, he was in a nearby chapel at the time of the explosion and fire. None of his children were involved with drugs, they did not need to sell drugs, were never engaged in illegal activity but he prayed for them, “just in case” they might be tempted.
All three Interveners were in Palm Springs at the time. LUCIEN said he refused cocaine offered by ALAN ’s son and was out in the stables to checking on the polo ponies, when the explosion occurred. LENA was in the guest cottage, babysitting.
MERCEDES claims she was at her motel and went to bed early that night. Coincidentally HARRY was staying at the same motel and claimed he was drinking… tea in the bar. HARRY saw the light on in MERCEDES room and her walking about inside. Then had a coffee with her. Lucien is skeptical.
LUCIEN shows evidence of a deposit by the Monos Cartel into ALAN ’s personal bank account on the day that Lena was taken to Monos home. ALAN denies receiving the money. HARRY challenges LUCIEN—“I thought your records were unavailable”. LUCIEN replies they got burned up in the fire- all except this one that I got later directly from the bank in Rosario. MERCEDES: Why did you take financial paperwork to Palm Springs?
Lucien: Samuel told me he suspected his father, wanted to documentation of my audit.
EXT. GALLOWS-DAY
Lucien points out a gallows on the side of the property. LENA says it’s a “movie ranch” gallows and the rope is rubber.
EXT. LODGE PORCH -DAY
HARRY notices sores on ALAN arms, reminds everyone he is a geneticist. HARRY reveals he was interviewed by US DA investigators, because there has been an outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease (FMD) in ALAN ’s sheep flock in California. While FMD is always zoonotic (transmittable to humans) this new strain is even more virulent and has killed several employees. ALAN ’s ranches are now quarantined and all of ALAN s US livestock herds have been impounded and likely to be destroyed. What to keep quiet—the whole of US cattle & sheep exports are threatened, since FMD had been thought eradicated from US since the 1920s. Mercedes recalls Harry and Alan went to Cuba recently (a locale of FMD) . LENA pipes up that when the suitcase she carried dripped a bloody juice, she assumed by the weight and odor it was a sheep’s head, or Rostro Asado– “Roasted Face”—a Bolivian sheep’s head dish, something they sometimes ate at the orphanage.
MERCEDES nervously explains getting a message from ALAN about the suitcases, but can’t recall the details. She gave the suitcases to Lucien when she arrived in Palm Spring. LUCIEN said he took the suitcases to the party and left them downstairs in the basement party room and forgot about them. He said he did not see any drug equipment, but he wasn’t looking for it
HARRY accused ALAN of picking up the virus the week before the party on a trip to a farm in Cuba to discuss livestock purchases. LUCIEN claims the FBI told him a package was mailed from CUBA to SAMUEL’s home in Palm Springs during the time that ALAN and HARRY were in CUBA. One of the things that the FBI is looking for is ALAN ’s passport. HARRY: Yeah they already took mine.
CHUPA returns to tell them three of the IMPS are covered in painful sores and feeling very poorly. CHUPACABRA suggests the Almighty is likely to strike Alan with lightening CHUP warns ALAN they electrified the fence and gate—so no more escape attempts. LUCIEN asks CHUPA if the IMPS have a spare can of gasoline, as he needs some for his Jeep.
The Interveners shrink back from ALAN , but keep accusing him of covering up his crimes, and imply ALAN should kill himself, hinting at various methods.
EXT. TOP OF CLIFF- AFTERNOON
LUCIEN walks ALAN to a nearby cliff, Chupa offers hallucinogenic drugs, but ALAN refuses them,. Chupa promises he will give the drugs instead to the IMPs .At the top of the cliff, LUCIEN discusses with ALAN the merits of jumping—at first ALAN leans over it, but then shrinks back from the edge. LUCIEN accuses ALAN of being full of pride like Satan.
EXT. MOTORHOME- AFTERNOON
ALAN begs HARRY to give him a ride back down the hill. HARRY refuses.
THIRD ACT
INT. JAIL-EVENING
LENA comes back to the jail with a thermos full of wine that Chupa gave her, and says she has been invited to a hot tub party. Alan warns her to stick with him. Lena tells Alan the horse bucked him off because he smells funny. Joshua uses the wine to celebrate Eucharist with the other hostages.
EXT. HOT TUB- DUSK
Chupa, Lucien and Harry are drinking in the hot tub. Lucien has a large multi-headed sea monster tattooed on his shoulder. Harry asks, “ So where’s? Lucien, “Mercedes headed back to Argentina. She’s very angry at Alan but blaming me. Something about me not seeing the payments. HARRY: Payments? I thought it was just one? Lucien: One kid. She’s mad at you too. HARRY: How’s that? Lucien: Oh women. HARRY : Whatever became of that young actress from Santa Clarita that you were dating? LUCIEN- probably buried in these hills somewhere.
EXT –OTHER SIDE OF THE POOL FENCE-DUSK
Joshua and Alan listen from behind the pool fence. They overhear Chupa give a drugged-induced supernatural explanation why the disasters all fell on Alan. Harry scoffs, saying How would you know? Lucien interjects, “undoubtedly an eye witness account.”
EXT. POOLSIDE-DUSK
ALAN follows JOSHUA to the garden shed and JOSHUA begins cutting off his own dirty braids with a pair of garden snippers. ALAN also cuts his hair and the two men wade into the swimming pool. Wordlessly, JOSHUA forces ALAN ’s head underwater. ALAN struggles, fearful he’s being drowned. As he gasps for the surface, JOSHUA forms the cross. ALAN whispers: “oh-a baptism.”
EXT. PORCH OF LODGE- JOSHUA & ALAN have change into some clean white clothing and ALAN leaves his long dirty black coat and hat airing on the porch.
MICHAEL and Lena arrive. ALAN asks JOSHUA why he didn’t explain himself. But JOSHUA ignores him and starts playing a mournful tune on a pan pipe. MICHAEL tells ALAN that JOSHUA can’t speak, due to having his throat slashed, when fighting to save a group of Kurdish children from a fire in Iraq. Ironically one of the children he rescued, cut his throat.
EXT.VIEW OF HILLS – NIGHT
The wild fire is glowing brightly in the night on the neighboring mountain peak. Coming closer.
CRISIS
INT –JAIL- MORNING
ALAN wakes the others. The electricity is off. It is very smoky.
EXT. LODGE-MORNING
The Jeep and the Motorhome are gone. CHUPA is found hanged on the gallows.
As they walk to the lodge, the IMPS are heard shrieking and yelling and revving a motorcycle. JOSHUA throws on Alan ’s old coat and hat. Two IMPs on motorcycle with a lance attack. Joshua is stabbed and dragged off in Alan’s place. One IMP yells they are coming back for the girl. Lena has twisted her leg.
EXT –MOUNTAINSIDE ABOVE THE RANCH
ALAN carries Lena piggy back, and Michael follows to escape up the mountain. They see ostriches and other exotic animals. Michael recites God’s response from the Book of Job. They are chased by a single IMP on a motorcycle carrying the lance. The three hide rather unconvincingly under a camouflage blanket. The IMP drawn away from them when seeing JOSHUA who reappears alive, but dripping blood, and galloping on the white horse toward a different ridge.
EXT. CLEFT IN MOUNTAINSIDE BOULDERS- DAY
The hostages take shelter in a cave-like rock formation, where Lena makes characoal drawings and Miguel recites about the Leviathan. Alan repents of his pride. They hear Lucien’s Jeep, and come out thinking they are being rescued.
CLIMAX
EXT. MOUNTAINSIDE CAVE- DAY
Lucien is below them next to his jeep in the dry brush which covers the hillside. ALAN expresses how much LUCIEN had been like a son to him. LUCIEN is wearing CHUPA’s Draco sunglasses. Lucien reacts revealing jealousy and insecurity, admits SAMUEL was preparing to tell his father about LUCIEN’s drug use, interest in young girls and LUCIEN’s trips to Cuba with Monos, so LUCIEN planned to cover up killing Samuel and take over as the heir., even if it meant killing ALAN too. After all BARBARA always trusted him and he could end up “managing” ALAN ’s wealth.
ALAN says he doesn’t know all Lucien’s done but he could be forgiven, its still not too late to stop going down this self destructive path .
Lucien demands “Skin for Skin”, save yourself, give me the girl. He sloshes gasoline from a gas can onto the hillside below their hideout and threatens to set it alight. Alan replies: I will not engage in child sacrifice. Lucien: Give up, your God has abandoned you. Alan replies, Though he slay me, I will still trust Him.
In contempt and over confidence, LUCIEN laughs and scuffs the ground with his foot, sparking his gas can, blowing himself up and the explosion ignites the dry hillside. ALAN gathers MICHAEL and LENA in his arms as the fire rushes uphill toward them.
RESOLUTION
EXT. RIDGELINE ABOVE THE CAVE-DAY
A super scooper lumbers over the ridge and blankets them all with red Fos-chek. LUCIEN’s fire is extinguished.
A forest service helicopter lands and HARRY steps off with firefighters he had summoned.Harry had come to his senses. Harry had received news that the supposed variant FMD was not in fact a disease but a chemical that was sprayed on the animals, likely by Lucien, causing sores that mimicked the disease. Alan : Then what were those sores on the IMPs? Harry: I suspect you have shingles and those of them that were unvaccinated contracted measles from your shingles He asks Alan to help him go back on the wagon.
INT. COVERED PORTICO OF A LUXIOUS ESTATE:
Its an adoption celebration with all the orphans and Joshua , Michael , Harry and other friends. Lena plays the piano & all the little kids sing for Alan and Barbara. As they finish the recital, the children are gathered up into the arms of their new adoptive parents.
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Hi Aurora,
I started the class 3 weeks in, so I just completed day 3, beat sheet. I’m willing to look your lessons over if you’d like to exchange feedback. I’m not sure how far along you are already. So you may not want to look back.
Thanks,
Rebecca
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Secretary’s Day
What I learned: That I have to elevate the mechanism that changes Nick in Ella’s eyes. I have added the extra in the beats.
Beat Sheet
Logline: When a macho construction worker has to take a job as an administrative assistant, he is forced to work with the woman he catcalled.
1. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are working on the construction site when Ella walks by. They cat-call her and she responds back.
2. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick and his work pals are fired because their boss has not paid his taxes.
3. INT. NICK’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Nick’s girlfriend kicks him out of their shared apartment, and he must move back in with his parents.
4. INT. EMPLOYMENT OFFICE – DAY
Nick aces a typing test at an employment office and gets sent on an interview for an executive assistant.
5. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick is hired as an executive assistant at the same office Ella works, but he doesn’t know it. His boss, James, is a ball buster.
6. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella can’t believe her tormenter works in her office. She confronts Nick and he realizes who she is. She vows to make his life miserable.
7. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella is asked by her boss to teach Nick Excel. She grudgingly agrees.
8. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella’s friends from work tell her that they like him. Ella feels betrayed.
9. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick confesses to his narc father that he was unnecessarily mean to Ella when she would walk by his construction site and now he works with her. His dad tells him to apologize. He runs into Ray, his old boss, who tells him that he is getting a crew back together.
10. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick apologizes to Ella ham-handedly but she doesn’t think he is sincere. She decides to sabotage him.
11. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick tries to fit in to the office culture and has some success. He catches on quickly and is clever, impressing Ella. He connects with a customer, Harold West, who owns a building that Nick worked on.
12. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Nick invites Ella to lunch. She decides to go. Nick defends her from a boor on the street. Ella starts to thaw a bit. Ella’s mother is pressuring her to go out with a family friend. Ella resists.
13. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Nick, Ella and work friends, Jesse and Claire, go out to a bar after work. They run into Nick’s construction pals. Nick doesn’t take their bait and Ella overhears him defending her. Julie is there and wants to get back together. Nick says no and Ella overhears this. She decides to fix the sabotage.14. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James goes ballistic when the mistake is discovered; Ella did not have time to fix it. She admits to making the mistake, but Nick takes responsibility and is fired.15. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick is walking home and sees Ray at a construction site. He stops and gets his old job back.
16. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella feels terrible about getting Nick fired. James asks her to help him by answering his phone.17. EXT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella, Jessie and Claire walk to the bar that Nick hangs out at. They see him leaving with Julie. Ella puts on a good face but cries when she walks home.18. INT. ELLA’S HOUSE -NIGHT
Ella tells her mother she will go out with the family friend.
19. INT. JULIE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Julie asks Nick for forgiveness. Nick forgives her.
20. INT. OFFICE – DAY
OFFSCREEN: Harold West calls and asks about Nick. Ella tells him that Nick was let go. Harold asks for his number and Ella gives it to him. ONSCREEN: Ella goes on a date with Edgar.21. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
Nick sees another man in a suit talking to Ray. The scene is familiar.
22. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Nick enters the coffee shop and looks around for Ella. He instead sees a woman handing James a big envelope. Claire walks into a coffee shop and sees Nick. Nick asks about Ella. Claire says Nick should call her.23. INT. OFFICE – DAY
James tells Ella he just saw Nick at the coffee shop. Claire tells Ella that Nick is working on a new building.
24. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ray tells Nick that Julie has been telling everyone they are back together had been seeing Elam throughout the summer.
25. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – AFTERNOON
Ella walks by the site but work has stopped for the day. Ella gets a text from Edgar and they set up a date.
26. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – NIGHT
Julie keeps texting Nick. He doesn’t respond.
27. EXT. CONSTRUCTION SITE – MORNING
Nick goes to the construction site but signs are posted that say No Trespassing. Nick tells the other workers what’s up.
28. INT. NICK’S PARENTS’ HOUSE – DAY
Nick stands in the kitchen and gets a call from Harold West inviting him to come down to his office for a chat.
29. INT. HAROLD WEST’S OFFICE – AFTERNOON
Nick meets Harold at his office. Harold offers Nick a job and says that Ella gave him his number. Nick accepts the job.30. INT. OFFICE – DAY
Ella gets a text from Edgar and wants to crawl out of her skin. She puts on her coat to go get a coffee.
31. INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Ella gets in line and looks around. She sees Nick all dressed up talking to the blond from the bar. Julie is trying to talk to Nick about getting back together. Nick notices Ella leave the diner. He gets up and chases after her.32. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – DAY
Nick follows Ella back to the office building. Edgar is waiting for her and hugs her. Nick turns away.33. INT. ELLA’S DESK – LATE AFTERNOON
Claire stops by Ella’s desk and Ella tells her she made a mistake and that she really likes Nick.
34. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Ella and Claire are at the bar. Ella runs into Nick by the bathrooms. They go outside.35. EXT. CITY SIDEWALK – NIGHT
Ella and Nick talk. Julie comes up to Nick and he tells her they are over. Ella confesses getting Nick fired. Nick forgives her. He thanks her for the job tip. They start over.
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Beat Sheet
What I’ve learned from this: What a beat sheet was. And how to use it. It also taught me how to organize my script where I can find a scene a lot easier than looking over the entire script.
Logline:
When a desperate and controlling woman and her meek husband try for a baby girl to only find out she suffers from infertility. The couple tries for years as their relationship gets test. When finally pregnant the baby is born a boy. The new borns gender is changed shortly after birth while the mother tries to keep the surgery a secret from the child and the world.
INT. THE ALLEN BEDROOM- MORNING
Mia and Shaun getting ready for baby shower. Mia changes her mind about going she suffers from infertility so she doesn’t want to be in that atmosphere. Shaun is trying to change her mind but she won’t so he leaves her.
2. EXT. JOGGING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD- MOMENTS LATER
Mia gets a pregnancy test from the store.
3. IN THE HOUSE- LATER
Mia is in the house making her food. She’s talking to her friend Wren about her fertility cleanse and diet. Wren convinces Mia to take the pregnancy test with her on the phone instead of waiting on Shaun to get home. Mia promises Wren she wont look at the test; she gets off the phone to use the restroom in private.
4. INT. STEPHANIE’S BABY SHOWER- SAME NIGHT
The baby shower is over. Shaun is helping clean up the house. Shaun gets a text message and after reading it he has to leave.
5. INT. THE BEDROOM- SAME NIGHT
Mia is in the kitchen cleaning her dishes when Wren calls her. Mia’s test is positive. Mia is crying and celebrating with Wren. Mia decides not to tell Shaun just yet because she feels if he was concerned about the results he’d be at home.
6. INT/EXT. HOLLYWOOD MOTEL – SAME NIGHT
Shaun arrives at his destination. He goes in the hotel with ruby. He discovers that Ruby has chlamydia. Shaun is furious because she’s gave him chlamydia before already. He takes her medication and leaves.
7. INT. THE HOUSE- MORNING
Shaun wakes up Mia isn’t there. He finds her in the nursery room looking for cribs on Pinterest. He’s confused why’d she do that if she wasn’t pregnant. Mia tells Shaun the news but he is upset she took the test without him. He let it go and Mia became upset because he referred to the baby as boy or girl. Shaun gets Mia orange juice and crushes up the chlamydia pill and mixes it in.
8. INT. DR.RASSI’S DOCTOR’S OFFICE -DAY
Shaun and Mia are in the doctor’s office for a 27 week check up. Shaun and Mia are having an argument about finding out the gender of the baby. Mia is determined not to find out the gender because she says she already knows it’s a girl. Mia is not changing her mind so Shaun gives up. While the doctor is talking to the two of them Shaun gets a call and steps out. Shaun’s mom Gracie calls and tells Shaun his sister can’t live with her any longer. Instead of sending her to a care facility Shaun insist she come live with him and Mia.
9. INT. IN THE CAR- MOMENTS LATER
Mia and Shaun are driving home. Shaun tells Mia about Deborah coming to live with them and Mia is furious because they have a baby on the way and Shaun didn’t discuss it with her first.
10.EXT/INT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE- NIGHT
Shaun and Deborah are bringing her things in the house. Shaun takes Deborah to her room. Shaun is going to get Deborah food and Deborah is concerned about his safety because people are always dying . She gives her story.
11. INT. THE BEDROOM- SAME NIGHT
Mia is talking on the phone in the bedroom. Shaun gets back with Deborah’s food . Mia is secretly listening. Shaun is talking to Deborah about behaving and the baby how they have a baby coming soon.
12. INT. THE KITCHEN- MORNING
Mia goes to check on Deborah. She’s in the room flickering the light on and off. Mia gets frustrated because she had to tell Deborah to stop playing with the lights. Mia over hears Deborah talking to herself about Shaun, the baby and herself.
13. EXT. THE PARK. MORNING
Mia and Jasmin are walking to help Mia go into labor. They are both complaining about their men. Mia is also complaining about Deborah being schizophrenic.
14. INT. IN THE CAR- MOMENTS LATER
Mia gets out of the car and when she goes in the house Deborah is in the bathroom talking to herself again. Mia is eavesdropping. Deborah is saying how she doesn’t like babies; how Mia doesn’t know what the baby is until it gets here and how it isn’t a girl. Mia has a contraction so Deborah heres her and stops talking. Mia tells Deborah to call Shaun and tell him she’s contacting a lot.
15. INT. THE BEDROOM- AFTERNOON
Shaun walks in and Mia is in the closet contracting trying to pack her hospital bag. They are having a disagreement because Mia feels he hasn’t been involved in her pregnancy. She’s also bother by the things Deborah said earlier.
16. INT. THE BEDROOM- MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT
Mia and Shaun are in bed sleep. Mia heres a noise. Shaun doesn’t believe her until he hears his sister screaming . Shaun grabs his bat and runs downstairs to find Deborah screaming to herself in the kitchen with a knife in her hand. Imagining two men in the house saying their going to kill her so she has to kill them. Shaun calms Deborah down and gets the knife. Shaun stake her back in her room.
17. INT. THE BEDROOM- CONTINUOUS
Shaun walks in the room with Mia and she’s furious. She wants Deborah gone tonight. Shaun’s in disbelief that she’d even say that but Mia’s water breaks in the middle of the conversation.
18. INT. HOSPITAL- AFTERNOON
Mia is in labor. The babies heart rate starts dropping when Mia begins pushing. They have to get the baby out immediately. She pushes again and the baby comes out but the baby isn’t crying. The baby cry and the nurses congratulate them on their healthy baby boy. Mia is in angry scream for her baby. Mia unsaddles the baby to check the genitals. Mia wants nothing to do with the baby boy. Mia blames her body for having a boy.
19. INT. LIVING ROOM- DAY
Mia is in the living room calling the baby Olivia and dressing him in girls clothes. Shaun is completely turned off by her actions. They are arguing about the babies name and the way Mia’s acting. Shaun isn’t signing the birth certificate if the baby is named Olivia but Mia doesn’t care.
20. INT. THE KITCHEN- LATER
Shaun and Mia haven’t talked since the argument. Shaun tries to have small talk with Mia while she is cooking. Mia’s phone rings and Shaun answers it. The Doctors office calls Mia to follow up with her on her upcoming surgery for sex reassignment surgery for her son. Shaun is very upset and tells the doctor he is the father and his son can not have surgery. He doesn’t consent the surgery. Shaun and Mia have an intense argument saying things they mean and don’t mean. Shaun tells Mia he is leaving for the night and will be back for the rest of his things in the morning. Shaun and Deborah leave Mia with the new born.
21.EXT/ INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE- NIGHT
Mia is in New York at the doctors office. The place is a small dirty rundown building. Paulo introduces himself, he’s the one doing the surgery. He doesn’t have a license but he is highly trained. Paulo has Mia sign all the paperwork and gives her the medication needed after the surgery.
22. EXT. SAN DIEGO – MORNING
TITLE: ALMOST 16 YEARS LATER. FEBRUARY 25, 2021. SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA.
23. INT. OLIVIA’S BEDROOM. MORNING
Olivia gets off the phone with her girl friend Lavender and goes in the bathroom to take her medication. Olivia goes downstairs to Mia. Olivia wants to go to a new arcade she begs her mom for money to go with Lavender. Olivia jokes about not taking her medicine and Mia ask her if she wants to flare up. Olivia tells her its a joke but Mia doesn’t think its funny.
24. INT. OLIVIA’S HIGH SCHOOL – DAY
Olivia and Lavender get invited to a birthday party on Saturday. They want to go until they shortly realize their periods come around the same time and they’ll be menstrating Saturday. Olivia is uncomfortable about the situation because she doesn’t have a period but is lying saying she does.
25. INT. IN THE CAR – DAY
Lavender is driving and Olivia is in the passenger seat. Lavender can tell that something is wrong with Olivia. Olivia states she just feels like she doesn’t fit in and how unhappy she feels. He mother doesn’t lover her for her because sheShe can’t be herself because her mom speaks down on LGBTQ community. The tire pops while they are driving and get into a car accident.
26. INT. THE HOSPITAL- NIGHT
Mia is trying to find out what happen to Olivia but they can’t figure out what rooms she is in. While Mia is waiting Shaun and Deborah walk in and he ask for Olivia. Mia wants them to leave but he won’t. The receptionist gives them the room number to go see Olivia.
27. INT. ELEVATOR – MOMENTS LATER
As they are exiting the elevator Shaun’s wife Naomi calls. While they are having a conversation Mia is in the hospital room with Olivia and Deborah is sitting in the chair outside of the hospital room. Deborah goes in the hospital room. Mia tells her to go back out with Shaun. Deborah tells Shaun how his son isn’t in their its a girl. Shaun goes in the room and is in utter shock. Shaun begins yelling while Olivia is in a medically induced coma. Mia doesn’t want to Olivia to hear so they go outside to talk. Shaun finds out that Olivia doesn’t know about her surgery and that she was born a boy. The short conversation ends when Naomi calls again. Shaun and Deborah leave.
28. INT. ALL THE TIMES MIA GOT A NEGATIVE PREGNANCY TEST –
Flashbacks of the many different times Mia saw a negative pregnancy test and was crying about the results.
29. INT OLIVIA’S HOSPITAL ROOM- DAY
Mia is kneeling down on the side of Olivia’s bed holding Olivia’s hand begging her to get up.
30. TITLE: THREE DAYS LATER.
31. INT. THE HOSPITAL- NIGHT
Mia and Shaun are at the hospital waiting for Olivia to wake up because the doctors were taking her off the medication so she can wake up. Mia see’s Olivia do a slight movement and insist that Shaun leave. Shaun doesn’t want to leave but Mia tells Shaun she doesn’t want to upset Olivia with Shaun being there after all those years away. Shaun agrees to leave if Mia calls him when its a better time. They agree and he leaves. Shortly after Olivia wakes up.
32. SHAUN’S HOTEL ROOM – AFTERNOON
Shaun’s at the hotel getting ready to leave and go to the hospital unannounced because its been days and he hasn’t heard back from Mia. Mia and Shaun have a talk about keeping his cool and having a relationship with Olivia when Shaun is keeping such a big secret from her.
33. INT. THE HOSPITAL – DAY
Shaun and Deborah are in Olivia’s empty hospital room. The nurse and Olivia come back and Olivia wants nothing to do with Shaun because ehe abandon her. Deborah keeps calling Olivia a boy. Olivia gets upset and tells her she’s a girl and Mia calls Deborah schizophrenic, bipolar and says she doesn’t know better. Shaun is upset by the way Mia is talking to Olivia. Shaun and Mia are going back and forth. Olivia tells Shaun she wants him to leave on his way out he told Olivia to ask more about why he left and call him if she’s still lying to her.
34. INT. BRINGING OLIVIA HOME FROM THE HOSPITAL – EVENING
Olivia and Mia just pull up to the house and are getting out of the car. Mia can tell that Olivia is being very standoff. Mia offers to make Olivia’s favorite dish and Olivia decides the offer. Mia ask her whats going on but she says nothing.
35. INT. WALKING DOWN THE HALLWAY TO OLIVIA’S ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Mia is takes Olivia her sandwich she mad her and she can notice how jittery she is. Olivia goes in her moms room and ask why Shaun left and the big secret that she was hiding from her. Mia and Olivia have a minor argument because Olivia knows Mia is lying . Olivia calls Shaun but Deborah answers it and it hangs up before Shaun can get on the phone.
36. INT SHAU’S CAR – MOMENTS LATER
Shaun is driving to Olivia and Mia’s house.He has a box in the car with him that says to “To:Liv”. When Shaun goes to the door Mia answers and tells him to leave or she’s calling the police. Olivia over hears and comes downstairs. Shaun gives Olivia the box. This is where Olivia finds out she was born a boy. Olivia is confused and furious at the same time. Olivia storms out the house while telling Mia if she follows her she will tell the police what she did to her. Mia blames Shaun for everything.
37. INT. OLIVIA’S CAR- NIGHT
Olivia is parked in a neighborhood crying. Mia and Lavender and constantly calling her phone and she is ignoring the calls.
38.INT. RANDOM RESTAURANT – SAME NIGHT
Olivia goes in a restaurant crying and the waitress see’s her and tells her to go in the bathroom and pull herself together. Sal whose transgender goes to the bathroom with Olivia and tries to comfort her but Olivia feels like she wouldn’t understand what she’s feeling. Sal tells Olivia about herself and Olivia opens up a little about her situation. Sal assures Olivia she’s not the only one struggling and pulls out a bottle of pills and
39. INT. KAY PHARMACY – AFTERNOON FLASHBACK
Olivia is 8 at the store with Mia and her cousin Kaleb. Kaleb is recording off Mia’s phone a prank he’s doing on Olivia. He pulls her pants down in the middle of the store. To find out that Olivia has on his underwear. Mia screams screams at Olivia for wearing boy underwear.
40. INT. RANDOM RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Olivia is sitting at a booth in the restaurant with a hamburger. Sal scares her because she’s staring off into space. Sal tells Olivia she can come with her to a get together leave her car there. Olivia is unsure but still goes.
41. INT. SAL’S FRIEND HOUSE- NIGHT
Sal and Olivia arrive at Ms. Ava’s house. Ms. Ava informs Olivia how this is a safe place. There are 4 other people their who are all on drugs listening to music. Sal offers Olivia Xanax . Olivia turns it down and Sal insures her she won’t die so she takes it.
42. INT. MS. AVA’S COUCH – MOMENTS LATER
Olivia is high on the couch. Ms. Ava’s alarm goes off and she says it’s time to take her spironolactone. Olivia takes spironolactone too and she ask Ms. Ava if she has ADHD. Ms. Ava tells her no it is for her testosterone blocker. Olivia instantly realizes what her mom has been doing for all these years and the lies she has told her.
43. EXT/ INT. MIA’S HOUSE – MORNING FLASHBACK
Olivia is 8 in the third grade. The front desk calls Olivia over the intercom to come to the office. Mia is in the office and takes Olivia to the bathroom and gives her her medication because she didn’t take it this morning. Olivia is sad because she says she just wants to be a regular kid that doesn’t have to take medicine.
44. INT. MS. AVA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Olivia is sitting o the couch angry thinking about everything that’s happened in her life and the way she has felt over the years. She is very high but gets up and falls down the stairs. She goes outside the apartment building.
45. EXT. WALKING DOWN THE STREET – SAME NIGHT
As Olivia is walking down the street looking for Berenie’s Cafe so she can get back to her car. She walks in a liquor store and ask them and an old man follows her out. She is too high to realize but a lady notice and screams at him. The lady tries to check on Olivia and make sure she’s ok but Olivia screams at her that she doesn’t need any help.
46. INT. OLIVIA’S BEDROOM – DAY (2013). FLASHBACK
Olivia is in her room playing with her dolls. She has the two girl dolls kissing when Mia screams out breakfast is ready. Olivia throws the dolls and goes to eat.
47. EXT. THE BUS STOP – THE NEXT MORNING
It the next morning and Olivia wakes up at the bus stop. She makes a call and a car pulls up she gets in a drives off.
48. INT. SHAUN’S HOTEL ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Olivia and Shaun are in the living room of the hotel room. They are discussing everything that has happened between them in the past few days. Olivia ask him why he decided to tell her now. He told her how he couldn’t build a relationship with you if it was based off of a lie. Shaun tells her how everyone makes bad decisions even her mom and everyone deserves a second chance. Olivia said she isn’t ready to talk to her yet she tells him how she made her feel wrong about a lot of things in her life when she isn’t wrong. For example liking women.Olivia decided to see Mia is Shaun will come with her.
49. EXT. IN FRONT OF OLIVIA’S HOUSE – AFTERNOON
Shuan and Olivia get to the house. Olivia is nervous but still goes inside the house. Olivia calls her moms name but she doesn’t answer. The look all around the house and she’s not there. Olivia gets nervous, Shaun calls her and she doesn’t answer. Shaun finds a note in Olivia’s room on her bed.
50. INT. LOS ANGELES – MORNING
A view of the city of Los Angeles.
TITLE: ONE YEAR LATER. LOS ANGELES, CA
Mia voice over of her reading the letter.
51. INT/ EXT. THERAPIST OFFICE- EVENING
Mia’s voice over of her reading the letter while Olivia is leaving her therapist appointment. Getting in the car with Lavender driving to the house. Olivia gets out of the car goes in the house reads the letter her mom left her and starts crying. Music starts playing in the back and Olivia puts the letter in her drawer hugs her family and drives away. Mia is on the opposite side of the street watching her and follows behind Olivia.
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Jeff, I like the variety of settings you have for your beats. For example, a bridge, the Padres game, treehouse, mountain slide, carnival, etc.
Some beats that seem ordinary on the surface, depending on what happens in the scene…
16. Einstein joins gym and proceed to play basketball and Dude jumps in shower and puts on new duds.
20-ext downtown morning
Search for Dudes dog (this could be very interesting or mundane, depending on how the search goes.
27-int. Pizza restaurant evening
Einstein and Hedgewood play a movie game and help another couple while waiting for pizza
30-ext. backyard day
Backyard community party and Hedgewood loses control and is ashamed of her behavior. (this may or may not need elevating depending on how this plays out. We often see party scenes in the movies where someone loses control of their behavior).
Hope this is helpful…Keep creating!
Mary
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SWU Rewrite – Day #3 – Rae’s Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment … I accidently erased the first completed assignment! This second try is a much shorter version! However it did cement the story in my head.
Title: Married At First Sight
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Logline: A woman in a high-powered job marries a doctor on their first date, knowing if her boss finds out she will be fired.
BEATS OF THE SCRIPT:
OPENING:
INT. JACKSON RESIDENCE – DAY
Jesi (35) lives at home with her father Jackson, works in his construction company, shares his love of music, namely Sinatra, knows she’s not living to her full potential.
EXT. HAROLD’S APARTMENT BUILDING – DAY
Jesi combs through an apartment building with her father, crawls under the building, while the owner HAROLD complains about his tenants. He says he is selling the place!
INT. REAL ESTATE OFFICE – DAY
Jesi exits residential real estate when her broker cheats her out of a commission, joins commercial real estate to make more money, though she’s happier doing roof and plumbing repairs. Jason, the new broker, has one large condition. Jesi can work for him only if she remains single.
INCITING INCIDENT:
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
Jackson has fallen from a roof, does not survive surgery. Surgeon Gerard LeGrand stands with Jesi at Jackson’s bedside, comforts her after he passes. There’s immediate attraction. Jesi shares about her father’s love of Frank Sinatra. They embrace too long.
FANTASY SEQUENCE
There’s a fantasy sequence. Jesi sees Gerard as her husband.
INT. MEDICAL OFFICE – DAY
Jason tells the grieving Jesi he will handle the cremation.
INT./EXT. MEDICAL BUILDING & PARKING LOT
FANTASY SEQUENCE: Gearrd watches Jesi as she searches fro her car. The parking lot is infused with light. Jesi stands there in a wedding gown, Gerard a tux. A mininister is marrying them.
IN THE MEDICAL OFFICE
Gerard tells his accounts manager, MRS MEHTA, Jesi is the girl he will marry. Mrs Mehta asks him. “But what about your boy?”
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Flowers arrive at the front door for Jesi. They are from Gerard. She goes inside, plays Sinatra and cries her heart out.
TIME LAPSE
Jesi is left alone with her grief, also a mountain of debt, both medical and unpaid taxes with the IRS. She has to get to work, earn big money money.
BY PAGE 10 YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT
INT. SCHINDLER INVESTMENTS – DAY
Jesi is hounding Jason for buyer seller leads but they are still funneled to Henry. Jesi complains but nothing changes.
EXT. APARTMENT ROW – LONG BEACH (DAY)
Jesi knocks on apartment doors daily, still not one lead. She finally pleads with Jason, then finally loses it. He gives in and hands her a BUYER LEAD.
Same day, Jesi looses the BUYER LEAD, accuses Henry, and then the MALE AGENTS of stealing it.
INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Jesi collapses in Jackson’s chair, turns on Sinatra. Devastated by the lack of business, the mounting bills, she calls Harold. Tells him she’s forced to go back to construction. Says she can’t do anything right now her Dad is gone!
INT. HAROLD’S BUILDING – DAY
Harold says come on over. Upset with all the vacancies, he tells her he’s sick of tenants, selling the building! Jesi pitches hard for the listing, but Henry steps in and steals it. The war is on!
Harold feels bad, tells Jesi not to worry, he will introduce her to his “Good Old Boy Apartment Owners” at the Yacht Club. They will give her business!
FIRST TURNING POINT – END OF ACT 1 (PG. 30)
Montage of scenes:
Jesi goes back to her office and finds the lost buyer lead.
Next day she shows Harold’s building to her buyer JIM CARLISLE, writes an offer. She throws up, prays for Jackson’s help just before writing the offer.
Jesi gets the signed offer, slaps it on Henry’s desk, says thanks for nothing.
Gerard keeps calling, asking to see Jesi but she’s too busy with her sale.
INT. YACHT CLUB – LONG BEACH – NIGHT
To make up for Jesi’s lost listing, Harold introduces her to his “Good old boys Apartment Building Owners” a bunch of rich old men who own stacks of buildings. A lot are ready to sell and trade into others.
BOSS MULLER and JOE SCHMIDT are already in the conversation with Jesi!
INT. JESI’S OFFICE – DAY
Mrs. Mehta calls Jesi looking for a payment. Jesi insists on speaking with the doctor. Gerard won’t discuss her bill, only if Jesi will meet over coffee.
INT. COFFEE SHOP – DAY
Jesi and Gerard connect immediately. He speaks of love, marriage, children. She is just as engaged but makes it clear she does not want children. She agrees to a date the next night.
INT./EXT. The couple dines in an intimate restaurant. Gerard jumps right in and asks her to marry him. She’s speechless, but then says “Yes.”
Gerard’s doctor colleague who is also a marriage celebrant arrives serendipitously and Geard asks him to marry them. They share their vows, their love for each other and the minister says all they need is the license from City Hall – apart from this their vows are binding.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – LATER
After sharing their love Jesi asks Gerard to wait on the marriage license. She has two buildings to list and sell. He agrees reluctantly to two weeks.
MID-POINT (page 45)
INT. JESI’S OFFICE – DAY
Jesi is too busy listing buildings. First BOSS MULLER’S 12 units. The JOE SCHMIDT’S.
INT./EXT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Gerard surprises Jesi, stops by with champagne. He insists they go next day to City Hall. She puts on Sinatra and as they dance Jesi talks him out of it. Gerard says he will wait. He tries to tell her about his boy, but Jesi silences him with a kiss.
INT. JESI’S OFFICE – DAY
Jesi lists Boss Muller’s building and Henry accuses her of stealing his client. She lists Joe Schmidt’s next. Henry loses it, screams he will expose her for the inexperienced Rookie she is! Jason is thrilled, tells her if she keeps this up she will be Rookie of the YEAR!
ONE MONTH LATER Gerard keeps calling, tells Jesi he is tired of waiting and gives her an ultimatum to call him when she’s ready.
INT. JESI’S OFFICE/ JASON’S OFFICE – DAY
Jesi now has a private office. Michael is her office manager and Giselle her sales person. Jason asks Jesi for a meeting. He knows about her marriage to Gerard, in fact he also knows Gerard. He tells Jesi that his daughter baby sits Gerard’s seven year old boy! He says if she consummates the marriage with a license she is fired. Jesi screams this is illegal! She then calls off the marriage.
CRISIS
Montage of scenes:
Jesi is missing Gerard, but the bills are mounting even more, she needs her job.
AGENT WHIPPLE with the IRS is pressing Jesi for a payment on Jackson’s gambling debt and past due property taxes . They total over one thousand dollars.
Jesi is miserable, takes some time out and works construction. Repairs the plumbing on the building she sold Jim Carlisle, while he is threatening to sue.
CLIMAX
INT. IRS OFFICE – DAY
Joe Schmidt’s deal is falling out. The deal that will pay off Jackson’s gambling debt. Joe’s buyer has an IRS tax lien which prevents him from getting a loan. Jesi appeals to Agent Whipple. He has taken a liking to Jesi, a fatherly one. He gets the lien removed from public records. Jesi is ecstatic! Joe Schmidt’s deal is saved.
Montage of scenes:
Jesi gets a call from the medical office as she leaves the IRS. Her medical debt has been forgiven.
Gerard shows up in the parking lot and apologizes for his mistakes, asks her to marry him again. He then asks her to meet his boy.
RESOLUTION
INT. JESI’S OFFICE
Jesi asks Michael to be her equal partner, says he was right about the doctor. She will be marrying him. She’s also lined up a date for Michael, Joe Schmidt’s hot looking son.
EXT. YACHT HARBOR – LONG BEACH
Jesi meets seven-year-old JORDAN and they go for a sail on Gerard’s yacht.
EXT. CITY HALL – DAY
Next day Jesi, Gerard and Jordan leave City Hall with a marriage license.
EXT. YACHT CLUB – LOS ALIMITOS (DAY)
Harold and the good old boys stand on the dock waving Jesi and Gerard goodbye. As they take off for their honeymoon, Gerard sails the yacht from the harbor and heads for Catalina Island.
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JOHNNY CULLEN UPDATED BEAT SHEETS
What I learned about doing this project is that by separating out each scene into its purest form you can really get a birds-eye view of your script and really isolate what’s working and what isn’t. It really is a powerful tool!
Main Conflict: Diarmuid must enter a video game competition to earn funds to save his father from prison and avoid taking custody of his estranged half sister Maeve.
EMERALD FIST DRAFT 1 BEATS
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE ROOM. DAY
2002. We see Diarmuid scared 12 year old about to take part in an EF competition with friend Kevin against rival Marcus. His stepfather Richard is there in (toxic) support. He’s called on stage in front of a crowd and teenagers and gets caught cheating and is publicly shamed. Match cut to…
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill and accidentally touches a woman nearby. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Rob is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot doesn’t know who Diarmuid is and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Robs performance…
INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his have sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. A charismatic staff member lets him know about an upcoming EF competition. Diarmuid purchases another game – Jaywalking Giraffes.
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Diarmuid has a panic attack and Richard ridicules him over it.
INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him. In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast.
EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with his housemate’s ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – and stumbles across old friend Kevin – now a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK – He messages him and they agree to meet.
INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid chats briefly about EF days and mentions they are still running tournaments. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50 and Kevins spits in his face.
EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY. [c]
Diarmuid scrolls throw different gaming competitions. He finds one for Emerald Fist – Prize fund of 50K! He notices the deadline is today in 1 hour. He quickly gets Maeve’s Gamertag name and they apply together. Boom!
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid breaks in and climbs to the attic to find his long lost passion. Emerald Fist gaming cartridge.
INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game (via animated sequence) as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. We meet a player from Diarmuid’s younger days who inform them where to find their first fight of the tournament. Maeve quizzes on why Diarmuid cheated when he was younger – he says “he had to”.
INSERT SCHAMLTZY RIDDHI AND ZLATA MONTAGE
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. We get a rendition of them working in a hairdresser etc.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve win but with Maeve committing a risky move.
VIKRAM CONGRATULATES THEM
After the bout Vikram (announcer from Diarmuid’s early years) congratulates them and lets them know that exclusive game creator Brendan Nakamura is here.
INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant’s Sean and Theresa its get uncomfortably intimate.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-fight. Diarmuid follows her…
INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa. Vikram congratulates them and lets Diarmuid know how happy he is to see him, Kevin and Marcus back again. Who? Diarmuid asks in rage.
CONFRONTATION
Diarmuid confronts Kevin who is teaming up with Marcus. It gets ugly. Diarmuid is reminded of his past humiliation. His inner thoughts are interrupted by two Twitch Streamers.
INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Twitch streamers interview Diarmuid. And Confront him on his past humiliation. Diarmuid says they are going to beat Marcus and Kevin. Meanwhile…
MAEVE PLAYS WITH ZLATA
Maeve plays with her first competitor Zlata again in a friendly battle.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS KEVIN AND MARCUS
We smash cut from the Twitch stream interview to the bout and discover that Maeve and Diarmuid lost. Diarmuid is furious – Twitch Streamers make him nearly cry.
DIARMUID IS ALONE
Diarmuid gets a text from his agent – his campaign is pulled he’s in dire straits. He confronts Maeve and they have an argument. They enter loser brackets…
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS DONAGH AND MARK
Diarmuid and Maeve face Donagh and Mark but Maeve begins to disobey Diarmuids new authoritative tone. Garnering attention from the nearby crowd.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS BILLIE EYELISH KNOCK OFFS
Diarmuid and Maeve again progress with Maeve deliberately going solo.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS ZLATA AND RIDDHI
A grudge match to get back into the final. Maeve gets reckless and nearly costs them the fight but they win. Diarmuid argues with Maeve – Twitch streamers comment on their argument.
INT. LUAS. NIGHT
Diarmuid and Maeve make their way home. Sitting apart in silence.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM NIGHT.
Diarmuid receives a voicemail from Richard telling him that he’s desperate. Also, another voicemail from his agent saying he got an influencer gig.
INT. DIARMUIDS BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Maeve searches the internet about her father. She investigates Diarmuids room and comes across his tampered controller from his childhood.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live finale.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid and Maeve battle Bludklot – they win. Zlata notices something off with Maeve’s character.
FINAL FIGHT
We enter into the final FIght – Brendan Nakamura is there to present the game. Diarmuid and MAeve ready to fight MArcus and Kevin. Its neck and neck. Zlata notices something off and tells VIkra,
CLIMAX
Vikram suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate.
INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Marcus! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid thanks, Marcus.
INT. DIARMUIDS NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
I decided to rehaul the script changing more Beats I was able to then alter corresponding beats and really get to the root of the vision of the story.
EMERALD FIST DRAFT 2 BEATS
ANIMATED SEQUENCE
We open on a dynamic intro to Video Game Emerald Fist. A fighting game about the old Celtic deities rising up to fight the evil St. Patrick. We pull out to reveal…
INT. LIVING ROOM. DAY
2002. Diarmuid playing Emerald Fist on a game console on his own. His mother walks in the doorway with Richard (your new dad!). He plays Emerald Fist with Diarmuid and obliterates. Him. “Your just not good enough pal”… Diarmuid’s face match cut to…
INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY
Diarmuid 20 years later running on a treadmill listening to a podcast about being an alpha male. He slips slams on the treadmill some has filmed it and tagged him on social. He’s kicked out – he reads his phone a text message from his agent to take part in the last minute branded social video. He accepts.
INT. APARTMENT. DAY
Diarmuid enters his apartment bragging to his roommates about his latest offer. They name check him on his bought followers. Diarmuid Enters his room trying on a series of T-shirts all one size too small for him. We pull out to reveal his room is a mess.
INT. STUDIO. DAY
Diarmuid enters the studio – successful influencer Kevin is there finishing up his lines. Diarmuid has an awkward encounter with him. The client of the branded content shoot calls out Diarmuid as the notorious cheat who bought all his followers and publicly humiliates him, Diarmuid nonetheless tries his best at the line delivery. Copying Kevin’s performance…
INT. LUAS. DAY
Diarmuid posts to Instagram on his successful “shoot” no reactions except his mum who reminds him it’s his estranged sister Maeve’s birthday today. Shit!
INT. GAMESTONKS. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at the GameStop store to buy Maeve a present. He notices an Emerald Fist game on the shelf. Reminds him of his childhood he purchases it.
INT. RICHARDS HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid arrives at Maves birthday party but it is covered in crime tape and is in chaos. Richard is escorted by gardai wearing a party hat for what seems like fraud. Maeve’s friends are hysterical while she sits stoically playing her switch. Diarmuid and Maeve watch as Richard is taken away.
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT
Diarmuid consoles Maeve awkwardly. Richard is being interrogated and Diarmuid is called in. He is informed that Richard needs to gather €48,862 euro in the next two weeks or he will face a criminal conviction and prison time meaning that Diarmuid (as legal guardian) would be the sole custodian over Maeve. Richard won sole custody against Alice (cheating on him). Diarmuid has a panic attack and Richard ridicules him over it.
INT. DIARMUID’S HOUSE. DAY/NIGHT
Maeve moves into Diarmuid’s shared house. Diarmuid makes light of the events with a few jokes. Maeve takes the bed while Diarmuid takes the couch, she joins him. In the morning she wakes him for school – Diarmuid struggles to make her breakfast.
EXT. MAEVE’S SCHOOL. DAY
Diarmuid brings Maeve to school, he asks her to stay with her friends in the afternoon, she reveals she doesn’t have friends.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid brainstorms with his housemate’s ways he can get cash – each suggestion is as bad as the last suggestion.
INT. DIARMUID’S BEDROOM DAY.
Diarmuid tries to apply for a loan and is rejected. He looks on social media – contacts Kevin from the shoot – (a successful entrepreneur for his company BUDDHA BANK) – He messages him and they agree to meet.
INT. SWANKY AIRBNB. DAY
Kevin adorned in buddha beads meets Diarmuid. He’s as patronising and ‘spiritual’ in equal measure as ever. Diarmuid asks for a loan of 50 and Kevins spits in his face.
EXT. SCHOOL. DAY.
Diarmuid picks Maeve up from school, they bond over their equally miserable days.
INT. DIARMUID’S ROOM DAY.
Diarmuid reluctantly calls his mother (who lives in Thailand with a new family) – She says Richard had it coming he’s a crook. Nothing she can do for him.
INT. DIARMUIDS LIVING ROOM DAY.
Maeve playing Emerald Fists enlists them as a team in the gaming competition to win 50K. She lets Diarmuid know. He’s ecstatic!
INT. DIARMUID’S LIVING ROOM. DAY
Diarmuid begins to train with Maeve teaching her about the myth of the lore of the game as well as the combos and mechanics of the game. They bond over this newfound enthusiasm to save Richard.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We enter into the world of E-Sports, cosplayers and quirky types. Diarmuid is a fish out of water.
FIRST COMBATANTS
We see an Xfactor style montage of Riddhi and Zlata – Diarmuid and Maeve’s first combatants. Two kindred spirits who disobeyed their parents.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. RIDDHI AND ZLATA
We enter into our first fight – dynamic action and hyper-stylised editing style. Diarmuid and Maeve win but with Maeve committing a risky move.
ANIMATED GAME SEQUENCE
We see an animated winning sequence within the game. A hint about reconnecting with your younger self.
INSERT SCHMALTZY SEAN AND THERESA MONTAGE
We reveal a new Xfactor style montage of the next combatant’s Sean and Theresa it gets uncomfortably intimate.
DIARMUID AND MAEVE VS. SEAN AND THERESA
The two begin the fight but something’s up with Maeve. She runs to the bathroom mid-fight. Diarmuid follows her…
INT. BATHROOM DAY.
Maeve hides in the stall explaining that she has got her first period. Diarmuid congratulates her. They have a moment of connection. Maeve asks if he loves their mother – it’s a cutting question.
They awkwardly hug. Maeve texts their mother the good news.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE. DAY
We return to the end of the match with Maeve and Diarmuid beating Sean and Theresa followed by another gaming subtextual message. Diarmuid realises Kevin and other influencers are here competing. They let him know about a famous Twitch streamer – get in with him and you get fame.
INT. TWITCH STREAM INTERVIEW.
Diarmuid wangles an interview with Twitch Streamers. They Confront him about his past humiliation. Diarmuid plays up his redemption, better man now here to compete – ignoring his half-sister.
ALICE COMES BACK AND TAKES MAEVE –
Alice returns to take Maeve back without Diarmuid knowing
DIARMUID DESPERATELY LOOKING FOR MAEVE
Diarmuid searches for Maeve or risks qualification. The next bout is delayed to the following day. Diarmuid runs to his mother’s house
INT. ALICE’S HOUSE. NIGHT
We see Maeve with Alice’s new family it’s awkward. You’ll be right at home here (put here in a creche) father is overly strict.
MAEVE RESEARCHES TEMPERING WITH GAMING PADS
Maeve researches gaming pads and HOW TO WIN. She needs to get out of this house!
EXT. ALICE HOUSE NIGHT.
Diarmuid kidnaps Maeve to enter the fight the next day. (Live streamed will give him fame)
INT. GARDA STATION. NIGHT.
We see Richard, in a cell, ready to watch the live fight.
INT. HOTEL CONFERENCE DAY.
Diarmuid and Maeve battle Bludklot – they win. Zlata notices something off with Maeve’s character.
FIRST LIVE STREAMED FIGHT
We enter into the Live streamed fight. Diarmuid and Maeve are ready to fight Kevin and another influencer. Its neck and neck. Twitch streamers notice something off.
CLIMAX
An official suspends the game and suspects foul play. Diarmuid looks and Maeve, she’s terrified. The crowd now getting rowdy. Diarmuid realises he must take the blame to save face. He does. He’s booed! The cheater. Diarmuid and Maeve show each other a loving moment. They leave.
INT. GARDA STATION. DAY
Richard is livid. But also restrained – finally accepting his fate.
INT. COURTROOM. DAY
Richard sentence is read out – he looks like he’s about to do time – until his court case is paid for by someone…Alice! Richard walks with a suspended sentence. Diarmuid reconciles with his Mother.
INT. DIARMUIDS NEW HOUSE. DAY
Diarmuid and Maeve are streaming live on their new twitch channel. Richard is confused and tries to join in. It’s clear that Diarmuid is now looking after both of them. THE END.
-
LOG LINE – America’s beloved quarterback, CHARLES I. “CHUCK IT” FARR, harboring a repressed ballerina complex, blows the Super Bowl, then seeks redemption by dancing against the world’s most eccentric soccer star, MANDONNA, and other celebrity losers.
NOTE: CI is Chuck It
A. OPENING
1) Super Bowl tied. Last seconds. Charles I. (Chuck It) Farr QB, drives his team. His fans pray he doesn’t screw up and make bad moves that resembles dancer moves.
2) In stands, Cheryl Farr leads the wives and their family. (Cheryl’s mother is a big gambler on football. Her motivations are Cheryl, money, then Cheryl’s marriage.)
3) The public knows they can’t conceive a baby. At this moment of peak drama, a drunken couple offers Cheryl a toddler to hold for good karma. DRUNK DROPS THE BABY! Cheryl makes a Lamar Chase-shoestring catch of the dropped baby. Baby laughs. No hurt babies!
B. INCITING INCIDENT
4) Last play. Chuck It goes up on his toes like a ballerina and chucks it. Last thing he sees is his receiver reaching for the ball in the end zone. A sure touchdown. Not so quick. Concussed, Chuck It gets to his feet thinking he’s won. Meanwhile, the pass was intercepted and run back for the winning touchdown as Chuck It continues Sky and Thor pointing skyward.
5) Not wanting to hand the baby back to these drunks, Cheryl brings baby to the field to find Chuck It and the authorities to report the drunks. Chuck It’s overjoyed. Still concussed and still believing he’s won, he thinks the baby is a newly adopted son. A surprise baby for winning the Super Bowl prize to him. He names him Danny for the “dancer” label the crowd always chants derisively at him. “I’m taking my Disney to Dannyland…err…Danny to Disneyland.”
6) Finally, Chuck It’s defeat becomes evident to him. He quarrels with Cheryl as part SB post game coverage. The drunken couple shows up and accuses the Farrs of stealing their baby (Danny is the baby of the drunken woman’s sister who is on a cruise.) Chuck It runs away with Danny tucked under his arm like a football. No babies hurt in “Dancing with Defeat.”
7) Chuck It and Cheryl end their Super Bowl day by being arrested and put in separate squad cars – Chuck It still in uniform.
C. BY PAGE 10, YOU KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT.
8) A week later. The Major League Soccer Championship. Mandonna, the world’s most eccentric and famous futboler, was sold from his beloved Real Madrid to Real Salt Lake City. Mandonna hasn’t played or even spoken…until now the climax of the championship game.
9) Mandonna finally plays! Mandonna’s fat.(He loves American fast food but claims to dislike America because of bad soccer).
10)Teammates carry him like weapon. Mandonna is still brilliant with his feet. It’s an easy header to win the MLS championship. Instead, he bicycle-kicks the length of the field, scoring an own goal on purpose.
11)Ramses, Mandonna’s historian and right-hand man since their days in a Rio orphanage, explains Mandonna’s purpose. Mandonna is protesting America and its football. “A sport played by fat people for fat people.”Mandonna now “Virgin Mandonna”. Mandonna is actually the world record holder of number of times of sexual intercourse, without pregnancy. Mandonna’s biggest endorsement was from the world’s biggest condom manufacturer. Then, Mandonna swore off all love. Now, with no sex for five years, Mandonna considers himself re-virginzed. No relationships because it always ends in sadness. He’s too famous to love or be loved
D. FIRST TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT 1
12)Simultaneously in Hollywood. British producer Sandor Hood (think Simon Coyle) casts his latest reality show, “Dancing with Defeat”. Hood knows that there are ballet moments in Chuck-It’s dance which means something interesting about his persona.
13)Chuck It and Mandonna will star in the show in this opportunity at redemption along with other international celebrity losers. It’s really Hood’s plot to eliminate both footballs and replace it with a computerized new football which will cover the globe.
14)Chuck it flies to LA with lineman and receiver. Chuck It’s motive? Retain endorsements. He doesn’t think he’s getting divorced, but he thinks he can patch it up with Cheryl if he just wins. On the private jet owned by Sandor, a game developer is working on new football game proposed by Samndor Hood. Cheryl could care less about winning the SB. All she wants is her husband back. CI’s linemen have grievances.
15)Mandonna flies to LA. His entourage is Ramses (his lifelong non-foot) and infamous hooligans. Mandonna is Elvis. He dotes on polar bears. He will model world peace with his notorious hooligans. Seemingly, Ramses is in total control except for how Mandonna kicks ball.
16)Airport arrival news conference. Worldviews and footballs clash. Intro other contestants. Messy Mahan, actress and bad driver. President Gomez, deposed dictator of Condonostariqua. An Italian heartthrob on “Best Chef” who poisoned Chefs Colicchio and Ramsey with toadstool risotto. Mademoiselle Derriere (Kardashian?) Congressman Berger who gets naked too much on the Internet. Plus, others…
17)Dance partners go into immediate surprise show – live to the world. Mandonna’s partner, Eva, is too attractive for him. He fears her. He covers his eyes when he talks with her. Eva is too beautiful and a sexy, capitalist Russian to boot. Mandonna makes Chuck It switch partners. Chuck It is now matched with Eva, The Russian schemer and temptress
18)Chuck It apologizes to Mandonna for their only previous meeting. FLASHBACK to ESPY’s where Mandonna balks at giving award to Chuck it. Mandonna disrespects Chuck It, the USA and American football (he is not quarter man. Not even half.”). In mix-up Mandonna kicks at soccer ball prop. Breaks his leg. Start of his descent. He blames it on Chuck It
19)BACK TO LIVE SHOW Mandonna now matched with Tammy, the All-American Texas gal who is the double for Chuck It’s wife, Cheryl. Initially, Mandonna feels safe with her because she’s too American to attract him. Ironically, Tammy seems to be the only person in the world who doesn’t know who he is. (This is exactly what Mandonna needs.)
20)REVISE -Again, as in all his games FOREVER Chuck It’s parents are in audience. Explore their relationship. Father was ultimate football dad. Mother loves to dance which has been repressed in her as it has been more deeply repressed in CI
21)WEAK – Watching the live show from their home in Dallas, Cheryl wants to come to come to LA to work things out with Chuck It. Watching show on TV, Cheryl’s mother misleads Cheryl about CI and his intentions. She pushes for their own reality show – always thought Chuck It is a loser. She wouldn’t be unhappy if Cheryl got a divorce.
22)Back on stage. Mademoiselle Derrière(aka Kardashian) loses her derriere on live TV. They are fake bums. She will be sent to a place for a year where nobody knows her. She will do her own reality show” What will I do if I’m not famous?” This punishment is new to all the contestants. CI is particularly upset, it will end his career.
23)Practice. Chuck it and Eva. Chuck it can’t dance a lick. Chuck it explains his mnemonic for remembering his high-end endorsements (MARRY). Eva produces “dance playbook”. It’s like CI’s football playbook. She’s working on him. CI is faithful to Cheryl, but Eva does things that ingratiate her to Chuck It. CI’s parents Cliff and Melody Farr show up. Cliff has a football and he wants to work on some plays with Chuck It’s linemen and receiver’s entourage present
24)Melody leaves and sees Mandonna and Tammy through an open door as she wanders the hallways of the show. Melody notices Mandonna doesn’t touch Tammy which hurts Tammy’s feeling since she finds Mandonna a great natural dancer and a kind soul. Melody takes her scarf off and offers it for the two to dance. ( It is an important first step in Mandonna’s inability to love again. A connection.) Melody is the wonderful mother Mandonna never had (he’s an orphan). Mandonna likes Melody. They will bond.
25)Mandonna is a naturally brilliant dancer. The business is his feet and dance is just another soccer step. He watches a dance step and does it perfectly. No need for practice particularly since he won’t touch his partner, Tammy.
26)(B-story) Entourages play/invent hybrid football. They play and fight on a field/pitch behind the DWD studio. Evil Sandor encourages them. He videos everything for the new computer game. Linemen and hooligans have fun football games A mysterious ulterior motive. Ramses runs Mandonna’s life.
E. MID-POINT
27)Competition. Chuck It freezes. Band is cued. They play Bunny Hop. CI humiliated. Tammy dresses as Lady Liberty. Mandonna dances around her disrespectfully. Contestant from “Survival of the Fittest” is injured by soccer ball kicked from off stage. Both men survive this night. Chuck It barely.
28)(B-story melds with A-story) Next day. CI and Mandonna join entourages on field. Mandonna stops entourage fight by flashing “his hand museum” – his incredible collection of championship rings. It is so iconic and magnificent that it stops people in their tracks. It shines like the sun.
29)Eva identifies CHUCK IT’S lucky charm with help of ballet-dancing French hooligan(Chuck It doesn’t know what it is. We saw the block first at the Super Bowl.) It’s a wooden block from tiny ballet toe shoe. Chuck It’s subconscious surfaces. He rips off a ballet riff without knowing how or why. All crew on field is gob smacked. Chuck It’s center Max Block buys the videotape from the show’s camera people to keep it quiet.
30)NEW SCENE – Cheryl goes on The View with Sandor Hood. She’s publicizing her “let the kids play” program which espouses kids playing sports without tight adult supervision all the time. Like CI, she makes their relationship a public issue without directly addressing the other. Neither get it. Cheryl loves CI, but he always puts football first. Sandor Hood upstages Cheryl on “The View” with a video aimed revealing footballs dangers to children. Cheryl has been used dejected. She’s dejected. She has allowed herself to be used. FLASHBACK ON THE VIEW via old video which they play on air. Chuck It, toddler prodigy in West Texas with only a PBS station to watch, was captivated by famous ballerina and he just aped her steps. ANOTHER OLD VIDEO. His father forces him into football. CI plays Pee Wee football. Toddler CI in ballet pointe shoes bought surreptitiously by mother. CI avoids tackles with ballet leaps. Father nixes and represses that. No more ballet for CI until now. that.
31)CI low. No wife. Love of dance has been deeply repressed. Now, another “humiliation” is public. CI and Mandonna commiserate. Mandonna reveals why he’s doing show. He’s bankrupt due to secret scheme to move bears from the Arctic to Antarctic. Polar bears ate penguins.
32)Ramses is bitter. Alone with Sandor Hood, they conspire. Ramses has kept Mandonna uneducated to control him. One reason Mandonna eats so much fast food. Pictures are the menu.
33)Set piece. Montage. Competition proceeds. Lesser contestants eliminated. CI wants to explore ballet but Eva resists. She likes CI “destroying things with his balls” (thrown footballs). CI mistakes new love of dance for falling for Eva. She’s after his money. CI resists. Barely.
34)Mandonna is natural. Dance mirrors soccer. Tammy is as pleasingly sentimental as Mandonna. They make a killer dance relationship, but they never touch each other
F. SECOND TURNING POINT AT END ACT 2
35)WEAK – After latest competition. Night of “bling, tat and rap off”. Sponsored by fast food chain. Mandonna confronted with addiction. He locks himself in bathroom stall. DWD crews film all. Chuck It tries to talk him out. Mandonna demands stakes be raised. The name of football must be at stake. Winner keeps name.
36)Sandor appears at UN with Mandonna. Without Mandonna’s knowledge, Sandor intros hybrid football, played as computer game. Sandor uses Mandonna’s illiteracy to blackmail him. Sandor buys off diplomats who want to be on DWD. UN approves new football for international distribution.
37)Ramses conspiracy with Sandor unfolds. Mandonna’s nadir. He’s losing his beloved Futbol. He and Tammy touch accidentally. Mandonna won’t admit he’s falling in love with her.
38)Cheryl wants Chuck It back. Sandor leaks bogus story about Chuck It and Eva’s affair. Cheryl destroyed.
39)Chuck It considers himself a guilty man. His nadir. It’s “Shawshank Redemption” – “Football vs. Futbol” style.
ACT THREE
40)Eve of the finale. Chuck It discovers Sandor’s duplicity. CI will quit. Sandor will get Eva deported. Chuck It relents to save her, although there’s nothing between them.
G. CRISIS
41)The world swept by Sandor’s computer game. Football and soccer fields are empty. Sandor buys up real estate.
42)Mandonna disappears on day of final. Chuck It has an idea where to find him – at the zoo, with the bears.
43)At the zoo. Mandonna frolics with his best polar bear friend who he believes was moved here from Antarctica. A plague shows that Mandonna pays for the polar bear exhibit. Chuck It queries the bear’s keeper who knows nothing about the bear’s movements. Bear keeper is to speak to Mandonna about bear’s health and nothing else. Chuck It and Mandonna reflect on their love of footballs. They must save them for the children.
H. CLIMAX
44)Finals. Mandonna vs. Chuck It. Set is football vs. futbol. The entourages battle. Chuck It and Mandonna use beer to quell the riot. Mandonna and Tammy dance spectacularly. Mandonna embraces Tammy. Fred and Ginger redux.
45)Chuck It learns Eva betrayed him. Chuck It dances alone. He does a football ballet. A testament to his loneliness. Brilliant. Cheryl appears onstage and they dance. In love again.
46)Chuck It and Cheryl win the vote. Sandor disqualifies them, revealing true evil self. Mandonna and Tammy turn down the win. There is peace between the two footballs. Chuck It will not be exiled. Mandonna and Tammy wish to be exiled worldwide, to teach the world to dance and love. Maybe a little soccer too.
47)Sandor’s comeuppance. Crew and dancers’ revolt during show. Dancers angry. Sandor plans to computerize dancing too. They show videos of Sandor as mean bully who hates sports and dance. Worldwide votes never used. Elimination decisions made by Sandor. Ramses revealed as coconspirator. Chuck It steps forward to tell the world that Mandonna was defrauded of his fortune by Ramses. No bears were moved anywhere. Mandonna still has his sole billion.
I. RESOLUTION
48)Mandonna and Tammy in love now. Mandonna admits he can’t readwell. It’s OK. Tammy was an elementary ed major, not a cheerleading major at U.T. like Mandonna thought.
49)Chuck It and Cheryl. Mandonna and Tammy. The two couples dance beautifully. World peace next?
DENOUMENT
50)Mandonna and Tammy marry and dance, dance, dance, stressing exercise, moderation and health. They are the new Fred and Ginger with dance studios worldwide free to the public.
51)Next year’s Super Bowl. A pregnant Cheryl is in the stands. On the field, Chuck It toe dances his way out of a tackle, pirouettes and throws a revolutionary winning pass.
52)Former President Gomez of Condonostariqua has been cleared of war crimes and is now the Governor of California.
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Rebecca’s Beat Sheet
What I learned from doing this assignment is that I could probably work on the structure forever. I had obsessed quite a bit with the structure before getting here, simply because it became so complicated. I resisted doing this assignment cause it seemed arduous and it kind of is. But going through the beats and distilling them down more and more with each pass really helps me to assess the flow. I lost track of improvements; however, I got rid of several little unnecessary transitional scenes. And have notated areas where I can continue to elevate. Stayed away from dialogue but noted where I need to rewrite some scenes for deeper meaning. This section is not complete. But I have a good list to work from and a roadmap.
Title: Unrequited
Genre: Drama
Logline: A middle aged artist/musician with a marred past, struggles to write her memoir when she is suddenly summoned to find and deliver bad news to her long time estranged mother.
_______________________Act 1_______________________
1. EXT. FESTIVAL – EVENING
STAGE
Live MUSIC. CROWD hugs the stage, dancing and singing along, cheering.
RACHEL, 50’s, Puerto Rican American, long hair, dressed hip with a 70’s flair, poised center stage. Accompanied by her BAND, they rock out the last notes of their final encore! (suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or Soldier On, MF).
Crowd cheers swell.
2. BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT
Paul convinces Rachel to come to the after party instead of going home to work on her memoir.
3. EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Rachel changes her mind about the party. Drives home.
MONTAGE
4. EXT. CHICAGO, BUCKINGHAM FOUNTAIN – DAY 1972
RACHEL, 8, with WILLY, 6, her Spanish speaking spitting image. They laugh and jump. Taunt waves at one another.
THE GRASS
BETH, 26, poised on a blanket. Wears a straw wide brimmed hat to protect her fair skin. She reads an interesting book. Looks up. Smiles at the kids. Waves. Back to book.
5. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
A busy down town city street. A black top school yard situated in front of a rectangular concrete institution of a school lined with doors whipping open and shut as kids emerge wearing sweaters and backpacks, looking for their parents.
CHAIN LINK FENCE
Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Then. A door flies open. There’s WILLY, 7, thumbs tucked under the straps of his backpack. He spots Rachel. A wide grin with gaping spaces where teeth should be. He runs to Rachel. Throws his arms around her. She swings him round and round. Til his feet fly in the air.
6. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel and Willy size up the swings set. Willy gets into a seat. Rachel makes him fly high in the sky. Willy giggles with delight.
7. EXT. HIGH RISE – CONTINUOUS
They walk toward a high rise apartment building. Disappear inside.
BACK TO:
8. EXT. FARM, DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck whips onto a long rocky driveway surrounded by farm land, various lit pastures. Mostly empty except for the random cow. Donkey. Horse.
Rachel, with an exaggerated twang, sings loud along with the old school country MUSIC on the radio.
A couple of horses knowingly stretch their necks over the fence.
RACHEL
Hello beauties!
MONTAGE
8. EXT. RANCH – DAY 1974
chicken coup catch a duck for dinner
9. EXT. ARENA – DAY 1974
Rachel, rides the Palomino western style, practices barrel racing techniques. HILLARY, late 20’s, tall statuesque beauty, side coaches afoot from the other side of the fence.
10. INT. ARENA – DUSK 1974
Rachel rides a chestnut English style, alongside older more experienced teen agers. They practice jumps. Cue Rachel from the other side and pass a joint. Someone offers Rachel a joint. She takes it not sure what to do with it. One of the teens gives her a quick lesson. She chokes a little. They laugh, “she’s christened” and head out for a trail ride.
BACK TO:
11. EXT. FARM – CONTINUOUS
RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel’s truck approaches. Passes several barns and a large house. Parks in front of a this well lit small barn. Just steps away from a much larger barn.
Rachel hops out. Unloads the truck.
12. INT. HORSE BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel now in a flannel button down and tall rubber boots, cares for and loves on the horse. Feeds and waters.
13. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel enters. Slips out of her boots. Hangs her jacket on the hook. Flips open the laptop on her desk. Pours herself a scotch. Sips. Looks at the pic board as she rolls a joint. Lights up. Long drag.
Looks through a box of photos. Finds some old pictures of the ranch with horses and a chicken coup and cattle. Studies a picture of Hillary and Cliff watching Rachel, 10, milk a cow. Laughs.
14. INT. FARM, DINING ROOM – NIGHT 1974
Rachel shows Hillary and Cliff her drawings and aptitude for art like her mom and uncle.
15. INT. HIGH RISE APT, HALLWAY – DAY 1974
Hillary brings Rachel back home to her Mom who has just returned from a long trip. Rachel is uncomfortable with her Mom. Prefers Hillary. Mom judges Rachel.
BACK TO:
16. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Rachel finds a picture of Willy, at age 3.
17. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Rachel waits in a blizzard, outside the chain link fence, for Willy.
18. INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – DAY 1972
Rachel meets her Dad who she at first thinks is an Uncle.
BACK TO:
19. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING ***Inciting Event
Phone rings. Blinding rays of light shift. Rachel, passed out on the couch. Aunt Nina calls to tell Rachel her uncle Ben has killed himself.
20. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – DAY
Rachel finds a picture of herself at 16, lounging on a blanket in the grass with her now dead Uncle Ben. Inspects the pic. Pins it to the board away from any clusters.
21. INT. DINING ROOM – DAY 1976
Family feud on Easter. Mom/Beth shows up way late after Easter dinner, proceeds to kill the vibe and then proceeds to criticize the way her family takes care of Rachel. Bad influence. Family gangs up on Beth for her negligence and lack of gratitude. *****Uncle Ben is introduced. ****Need to elevate this.
BACK TO:
22. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel, at the computer, finishes a scotch. Pours another. Paces. Picks up a picture of Beth.
RACHEL
So where you at these days? Hmmmm… Mummy Dearest?
23. INT. HIGH RISE APT – EVENING 1973
The living room cast in blue while the voice of Shirley Temple croons from a tiny black and white screen TV propped on a chest. Rachel plays with her barbies. Phone rings. Mom calls to check in and finds out that Willy didn’t make it home from school.
BACK TO:
24. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – LATER
Dark MUSIC. Rachel, in time with the music, hurls furious gut wrenching strokes of black and blue paint onto a partially realized painting.
A loud knock at the door. Rachel jumps and screams.
AUNT NINA
Yoo-hoo!!!!
Aunt Nina stops by unexpectedly with the last address she has for Mom/Beth. She also brings some boxes that Mom left in her basement.
25. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel holds the piece of paper with the address on it in one hand. Hits a joint with her other. Threatens to light the piece of paper on fire. Instead, balls it up and tosses it into the trash.
Grabs her jacket with conviction. Steps into her boots. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Slams door on her way out.
26. INT. BIG BARN – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, tipsy, feeds horses and tops off their water. Talks things through with the horses. Therapy.
27. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MORNING
Disarray. Rachel, still covered in paint. Already has a fresh cup of coffee. Sees the overstuffed trash can. Dumps it and finds the wad with the address on it. Irons it flat. Stares at it. Sips coffee.
Googles the address. Too far. On hold with town’s police station to have them go to her Mom’s house with a message to call her.
28. EXT. PRIVATE SCHOOL – DAY 1973
Rachel’s Dad unexpectedly visits her at school. She feels special.
BACK TO:
29. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER
On speaker phone with police station. Rachel has a message sent to her Mom’s house to call her.
30. LOFT
Rachel on the bed. Stares at the ceiling. Hits the joint.
31. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Blizzard. School yard covered in snow. Rachel, 9, waits outside the chain link fence. Dad just around the corner puts Willy in the back seat of the rental car.
BACK TO:
32. LOFT
Rachel swipes tears from her cheeks and neck. Stubs out the joint. Goes to her closet. Pulls hangers. Violently throws clothes on the bed.
33. INT. RACHEL’S BARN – EVENING
Rachel dressed sexy. Finishes make up at the mirror. Lipstick. Fixes hair. Throws back the rest of a scotch. Grabs a different jacket. Checks the mirror, again. Leaves.
34. INT. PUB – NIGHT
Local pub with the usuals. MUSIC on the juke box.
Rachel, at the bar, drinks beer and shots with BUCK, 50, handsome, fit farmer. They’re drunk. Laughing. Bumping into each other.
35. INT. LOFT – LATER
Rachel and Buck have stupid drunk sex.
36. INT. SMALL BARN – MORNING
LOFT
Rachel wakes Buck, tells him he’s gotta go.
SMALL BARN
Buck awkwardly climbs down the ladder from the loft. Rachel gives him a coffee to go and kicks him out. Dials a number and puts phone on speaker. Paces. Takes a picture of Beth from the board. Sneers hard at it.
37. INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room through a wall of windows. SOUND, static of walkies over slushy traffic from Lake Shore Drive.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Beth paces. Erratic. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping.
Phone rings.
BETH AND RACHEL (OS)
Hello.
BACK TO:
38. INT. RACHEL’S BARN
Rachel on speaker phone, second call to police station. No news. Officer left a note for Mom.
***** maybe a beat showing stir crazy and resistance.
39. INT. LOFT – DAY
Rachel, hair wet, dresses with purpose. Whips articles of clothing from drawers to duffel bag. Shoves it all in. Zips it up. Drops it over the ledge.
40. EXT. RACHEL’S BARN – MOMENTS LATER ***** Purpose check****
Rachel tosses her duffel bag and guitar into her truck. Off to the barn. Slides the big door open. Whinnies of delight are heard from the stalls.
Rachel finishes up her work and leaves, many goodbyes and kisses later.
TRUCK
Rachel, behind the wheel, coasts up the road. Sees FARM OWNERS, 60’s, on their lawn. Waves. Rolls the window down. Thanks them.
42. EXT. MIDWESTERN HIGHWAY ROAD – DUSK ***PURPOSE??
PICK UP TRUCK
Rachel, at the wheel, sings along to MUSIC. The scalding sun hovers like a raging fire alongside the desolate thirsty highway. Rachel turns the music off. The sound of wind and tires turning on the pavement.
43. EXT. PUBLIC SCHOOL YARD – DAY 1973
Snow flurries create a blur. Rachel at the chain link fence. Willy’s eyes on her from a hole in the fogged up back seat window as it slowly fogs back up. Slush SPLASHES on the street. Rachel pulls her hood over her head. Leaves.
44. EXT. PARK – MOMENTS LATER
Stillness. Swings covered in snow.
45. EXT. HIGH RISE BUILDING – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel disappears into the high rise building.
BACK TO:
46. EXT. ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel suddenly pulls off to the side of the road. Discouraged. Smokes some weed. Resets. Then. Screeches back onto the road. Takes a deep angry breath. Pounds on the steering wheel. Chants the fuck song.
A long wide country road. Pedal to the metal. Flips MUSIC on loud. Rachel thrashes in rhythm.
47. EXT. BETH’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Rachel arrives at the house. Turns MUSIC down. Meets Glen and Sheila who are renting her mom’s house. They invite her in. She declines.
48. EXT. GAS STATION – CONTINUOUS
Rachel pumps gas. Sees the pub next-door.
49. INT. PUB – LATER
Rachel, at the bar. Parties with GUY. Waves off his advances. He’s belligerent.
50. INT. PICK UP TRUCK – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel cruises along the deserted highway. Answers Paul’s call. She missed rehearsal.
51. INT. PICK UP TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, distracted, looks for a lighter, crashes the car into a light post. Bumps her head. Freezes. Touches her head. Looks in the mirror. Looks around. It’s a ghost town.
52. EXT. ROADSIDE – LATER
Rachel has pulled off to side of the road. TOW GUY, 40’s, hooks her truck up to his rig..,
53. INT. TOW TRUCK – CONTINUOUS
Rachel tucked in the passenger seat with her bag and guitar piled on her lap. Tow Guy drives. Silence. Drops her off at Glen and Sheila’s house. Rachel flips him off.
54. EXT. HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel sits on the stoop. Checks the time. Wraps her jacket around her.
55. EXT. BEACH – DAWN 1977
Rachel takes in the sun as it rises over the lake.
56. EXT. THE HEDGES – CONTINUOUS
Rachel disappears into the hedges that line the corner mansion.
She finds a small concealed clearing on the grass. Curls up into a ball tries to cover herself with the jacket.
BACK TO:
_______________________________ACT 2___________________________________
57. INT. HOUSE – NIGHT ***CONTINUE TO WORK ON PURPOSE OF THIS SCENE. Turning Point.
GUEST ROOM
Rachel in awe of Glen and Sheila, in their pajamas, having invited her in to spend the night in their guest room. They turndown the bed and get her towels; show her the hotel drawer with all the soaps and shampoos, etc. Once alone, Rachel opens the hotel drawer, takes out some cotton balls and antiseptic. Looks in the mirror. Cleans her wound. It stings.
58. EXT. STREET – EVENING 1977
BROWN STONE
Rachel, 13, in a skimpy shirt, crosses the street and briskly heads toward a row of brown stone apartment buildings. Stops in front of a doorway.
She spits into tissue. Swipes makeup from her face. Pops a piece of gum in her mouth. Takes a button down shirt from her purse and puts it on.
59. INT. BROWN STONE APT- CONTINUOUS
HALLWAY
Rachel skulks down the dimly lit hallway toward her bedroom door. Voices come from the dining room at the end of the hall. Just as Rachel ducks into her room, Beth, 31, enters from the dining room. She wears a kimono. Hair in place with chop sticks.
BETH
You’re late for dinner. I told you to be home before dark.
59 a. DINING ROOM
At the dinner table. Silence. Beth and MASA, 28, Rachel’s Japanese speaking stepfather, athletic build, watch with disapproval as Rachel moves the food around on her plate.
Rachel’s leg shakes under the table causing the table to rattle. She dumps soy sauce over her rice and has separated all of the water chestnuts from the rest of her meal.
Masa pounds on the table.
Beth finds an extension cord. Turns it into a whip. Heads toward Rachel’s bedroom. Bullies her way in.
60. INT. BROWN STONE APT – LATER 1977
HALLWAY
The bedroom door opens. Rachel peeks out of her room. Looks both ways. Duffel bag in tow, Rachel tippy toes to the kitchen. Carefully slips out the back door.
BACK TO:
61. INT. GUEST ROOM – NIGHT
Lap top falls to the floor. Rachel starts awake. Gives in and smokes some weed, blows it out the window. Gets a bottle of water. Reads what she’s written.
62. INT. STEW’S APT – HALLWAY – NIGHT 1977
CARLEE, 40, Stew’s mom, eccentric with wild hair, in her bedroom at the end of the hall. She wears a long silk robe over a black negligee. Smokes a joint. She sashays about the room, looking at herself in the mirror. Hums along to MUSIC.
Wakes Stew and Rachel in the middle of the night and out of the blue sends Rachel home on her own.
63. INT. ENTRANCE OF APARTMENT BLDG – LATER
Rachel gets entry to an apartment building and piles up her bags in the corner under the stairwell to make a pillow, curls up, tries to get as comfortable and as concealed as possible. Swollen, heavy, bloodshot sockets.
63 a. DAWN
Rachel sleeps, still curled up in the same position.
The SOUND of a door being closed and locked just a couple of flights above her.
Rachel jolts awake.
The SOUND of footsteps descend the stairs.
Rachel jumps up, quickly gathers her things and quietly slips out the door.
64. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING – CONTINUOUS
Rachel walks quickly to the sidewalk.
A BUSINESS MAN, 30’s, emerges from the building. Walks briskly as he buttons up his jacket. He is startled when he looks up to see Rachel standing in his path, but immediately dismisses her and continues down the street. Rachel spins, uncertain where to go.
65. EXT. BEACH – MOMENTS LATER 1977
A Mansion situated on a corner, faces the lake with a beach just beyond the street. Well quaffed hedges line the property.Rachel, 13, stands at the corner. Takes in the rising sun. Its reflection on the horizon of the lake.
BACK TO:
66. INT. GUEST ROOM – MORNING
Blinding rays light the room. Rachel, in bed awake. Covers her face. Sits up. Rests her forehead in her hands. Moans. Takes a moment to recall where she is. Woozy. Sucks the last drops of water from the bottle. Pulls the curtain to shade the room. Looks in the mirror at the bags under her eyes. A small patch of dried blood on her forehead. Digs in her duffel. Then remembers the sock next to the bed. Takes a couple bumps from last nights packet. Grabs the towel and her toiletries.
67. INT. SHOWER – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel showers. Water pours over her face.
68. INT. STEW’S APARTMENT – MORNING 1977
KITCHEN
Kitchen door opens. Rachel, 13, peeks her head in. Listens for a moment, then tip toes through the kitchen and stops. Peers down the long hallway. All clear. Rachel glides down the hall and disappears into the bathroom. SOUND of the shower being turned on.
*******SMOOTH OUT FROM HERE DOWN TO BREAKFAST WITH G AND S.
69. INT. DINER – DAY 1977
Rachel at a booth by the window, dressed nice with make up, drinks coffee and smokes a cig. The want ads are open in front of her. Several job listings have been circled, but one in particular is heavily circled with notes written on it. Rachel stubs out her cigarette. Ashtray is full. **** Add back in convo with waitress about hiring.
70. EXT. DINER – MOMENTS LATER
A black Mercedes rolls up and stops in front of the diner. NORM, mid 40’s, stocky, bald, gets out of the car. Waves.
Rachel meets Norm at the car. He puts her bags in the trunk. Drives off.
72. INT. NORM’S CAR – MORNING
Silence… A different day. Tension. Norm jaw locked. Looks straight ahead. Rachel, in the passenger seat, holds her bags tightly on her lap. Looks out her window. Finally. Norm abruptly pulls over onto the side of the road. Let’s Rachel out to hitch a ride.
73. EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – CONTINUOUS
Norm peels off. Makes a U turn. Rachel flips him off.
HIGHWAY RAMP
Rachel lights a smoke. Stick her thumb up whenever a car or truck passes. Eventually, a huge red Mac truck slows. Passes by Rachel. Pulls over and stops. Rachel runs to the truck. Climbs in.
EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
Mac truck pulls up and stops in front of the diner. Rachel climbs down from the truck. Crosses the street and enters the diner. She can be seen inside the diner talking to the waitress. The waitress disappears into the back leaving Rachel sitting alone at the same booth. She looks out the same window, drinks coffee and smokes a cig.
71. INT. NORM’S PHOTO STUDIO – NIGHT
The studio walls are tastefully covered with photographs of celebrities. Lights are seductively dimmed. A wall of rolled up back drops. A deep red velvet swatch of fabric sways to the floor. Lit by a single pin of light. Where Rachel sits frozen on a wooden stool. She wears make up and red lipstick. Hair tousled, tries to be sexy. Norm crouches. Looks through his camera lens. Rachel sees Jenny standing in the doorway. Jenny, messy braids, holds her doll. Tears spring from her eyes. Norm takes her back to bed, leaving Rachel alone.
74. INT. JENNY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Every little girl’s fairy tale room. Jenny snuggled up on the bed of pink clouds, asleep in the crook of Rachel’s elbow. Finishes the last few lines. The End. Rachel tucks Jenny in. Looks at the whole of the room.
BACK TO:
75. EXT. DINER – CONTINUOUS
The waitress returns with an apron and paperwork/schedule for Rachel. Rachel stubs out another cig. Finishes her coffee. Says goodbye and leaves the diner. Walks down the street toward the L station.
BACK TO:
76. INT. GLEN AND SHEILA’S HOUSE – MORNING
KITCHEN
Rachel at the kitchen table has breakfast with Glen and Sheila. Glen gives Rachel an old PO Box address where they used to send their rents checks. They talk about having met Rachel’s mom and show her the handy work she’s done around the house.
78. INT. GUEST ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel, sits on the bed with bags and guitar in hand, overwhelmed with feelings. Takes deep breaths.
79. INT. SMALL HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
Winter. Moon lights the living room. A wall of windows. SOUND of wet traffic from the drive below.
Three OFFICERS huddle in a circle. Exchanges on walkies. Rachel, 9, perched in the corner of the couch, rocking back and forth, weeping. Phone rings. Beth answers.
This time, Rachel remembers the entire phone call to the end..
BACK TO:
80. INT. GUEST ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel still on the bed. Hugs her things tightly. Tears roll relentlessly down her cheeks.
81. EXT. TOW TRUCK LOT – DAY
Rachel exits the Tow truck office. Gets her duffel, guitar and care package from the bench. Sees Glen and Sheila still waiting. Smiles. Waves vigorously. Glen and Sheila ride off waving back.
82. TRUCK
Rachel finds her truck. On the road again. Turns MUSIC on. Recognizes the song. Sings along.
_________________________Act 3___________________________________
83. EXT. CITY INTERSECTION – DAY 1972
Same MUSIC continues. BETH’S CAR, at light, BUMPS to the beat.
Rachel, 8, dances in passenger seat with Beth,26, at the wheel, pumps the break. They laugh and rock in the car. “Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow. I can’t stop this feeling.” More laughter.
BACK TO:
TRUCK
Same SONG continues. Rachel laughs and sings along.
RACHEL
“Ga-sha-gow-gow-gow” “I can’t stop this feeling. Deep inside of me. Girl you just don’t realize what you do to me.”
84. EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel whips into a spot in front of the store.
85. TRUCK
With bags, Rachel gets back into the truck. Still parked, eats chips. Swigs from fresh pint of JD. Washes it back with water. Calls Paul to explain that she needs more time and will be back in a week.
*****WORK ON SCENE/CALL WITH PAUL PURPOSE.
86. EXT. HIGHWAY – LATER
TRUCK
Rachel’s truck cruising along, suddenly swerves onto the side of the road.
She gets out. Lights the joint. Stretches her legs. Takes in the land. Sloppy yoga poses toward the sunset.
87. INT. STEW’S BEDROOM – DAY 1977
Stew, 16, and Rachel, 13, curled up on his bed, naked. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!! They jump. Freeze. Lock eyes. Beth has shown up with Warren the probation officer looking for Rachel.
88. INT. STELLA’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
She runs into Stella’s room and leaps into the walk in closet.
89. INT. STEW’S BDRM – CONTINUOUS
Stew peeks out the door.
STEW
No. I have not.
90. INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS
Beth and WARREN, probation officer, 30-40, large, not to be messed with, handsome black man, stand at the back door questioning Carlee. Beth is looking for Rachel who is hiding in the closet and overhears her mother say that she will choose her new husband over her if it comes down to it.
BACK TO:
91. EXT. SIDE OF THE ROAD – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel asleep in the front seat. Police Officer wraps on the window. Rachel jumps. He tells her to move along.
92. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL, FRONT DESK – NIGHT
Rachel weighted down with stuff, drags her tired ass down the dim hallway with stained carpet tiles.
93. EXT. APT. COURT YARD BUILDING – DAY 1977
Rachel returns to the apartment mgr to secure the apartment she wants to rent.
BACK TO:
94. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Dive bar. It’s dead. BARTENDER, 60, does a crossword puzzle at the far end of the bar. Rachel alone looks at her phone. “How’s it going? Call me later.” Ignores texts from Paul. Takes her mood out on the pinball machine.
95. INT. STEW’S CAR – DUSK 1977
Stew, 16, drives. Rachel, 13, in the passenger seat. They share a joint. Coasting down an alley behind brown stone apartment buildings.
GALLEY WAY
They turn into a galley way between two buildings. Rachel goes inside and throws her clothes out the 2nd story window. They shove it all in the car and take off.
As Stew turn back into the alley. A squad car saddles up. Lights flashing.
Rachel now wears a Cubs cap. Stew rolls his window down. Cop lets them go. Close call. Phew!
BACK TO:
INT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
On pin ball machine stacking up a climax and then loses the game. SOUND of wu wu wu wu, you lose.
96. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
*******Rachel sets up the room with towels on the bed……..
97. INT. RACHEL’S APARTMENT – DAY 1977 ****WORK ON THIS LITTLE SECTION LEADING TO POST OFFICE.
Rays of sunshine beam across the freshly sanded floor illuminating the just painted living room. The apartment Mgr hands Rachel the keys. She smiles to herself. It’s a good day.
BACK TO:
PLACEHOLDER? WHAT ABOUT US MAIL JEEP SCENE? THIS!!!
98. EXT. POST OFFICE – MORNING
Rachel smiles to herself as she approaches the Post Office. It’s a beautiful day.
99. INT. POST OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel finds her Mom’s PO box that is still being used. She speaks with the Post Master who is able to give her some information about her Mom. Rachel leaves her phone number with the Post Master to give to the woman who picks up the mail.
100. EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel meanders about the town taking in its southern charm. Peeks into shop windows. Then disappears into a coffee shop.
101. EXT. STREET – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel backs out of the coffee shop. Arms full of goodies and a cup of coffee. Nearly knocks over an older woman pushing a cart full of boxes. Apologies. It’s Eleanor, unbeknownst to Rachel.
102. TRUCK
Rachel loads her goodies. SOUND of a train riding the tracks.
103. EXT. L STOP – DAY 1977
SOUND of train riding the tracks continues. Rachel, 13, emerges from the turnstile. Buys a pack of smokes at the corner news stand. Crosses the street.
Suddenly two undercover police OFFICERS approach her. One at a time. They abduct Rachel.
104. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
OFFICE
Taken her into the station where she is picked up by her Mom.
BACK TO:
105. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL – CONTINUOUS
**** WORK ON THIS SCENE AND PURPOSE. Rachel dozes. Phone rings. It’s Paul. Calls to check in. Worried. She apologizes… Connect this scene to previous police station scene for deeper meaning. transition. crappy… alone… on her own…Does Rachel call him? Why this scene now? what do we need? next thing is that Rachel finds her mom got the call from home eleanor passed along her information but did not make the personal call. conflict of interest. need more on this relationship but when? They are both coming to an end of sorts…? explore
________________________________Act 4___________________________________
106. EXT. CONVALESCENT HOME – EVENING
TRUCK
Rachel parked, takes out the pint. Grunts. Puts it back.
107. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Rachel looks around. Assesses the facility. Waits. Paces. Checks her phone. Finally, RECEPTIONIST, 40’s, tired, returns. Hands Rachel some some papers. Visiting hours are over. Rachel leaves.
108. RECEPTION – MOMENTS LATER
Nobody at reception. Rachel, nonchalant, glides down the hallway, guitar in tow. Ducks into the ladies room to avoid being seen.
HALLWAY
Rachel peeks out the door. Looks both ways and continues on tip toes. Looks into rooms with open doors. Finds her Mom’s room number. Deep breath. Disappears into the room.
109. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel lets her breath out. Sees her mom. BETH, 70’s, petite blonde, slightly propped up in her bed, connected to various machines. SOUND of breath, suction, beeps in rhythm with one another. Paralyzed. Rachel gasps for breath. Hot tears spring from her bloodshot eyes. Finally, Rachel, sits in the chair furthest away from Beth.
110. INT. OFFICE, POLICE STATION – DAY 1977
A large sparse office. Dingy tiles. Fluorescent lights. A big worn wooden desk.Rachel fidgets in a chair across from the desk. Her leg shakes impatiently. Officer #1 paces with authority. Drags on a cigarette. Exhales in Rachel’s direction. A couple cocky smoke rings. Other officer enters with Beth who has come to pick up Rachel.
111. INT. HARDWARE STORE – LATER
Beth shops for paint. keeps a close eye on Rachel who stakes out an escape.
112. EXT. SHERIDAN RD. – CONTINUOUS
An old US MAIL JEEP in a long single lane of traffic waits for the green light. Suddenly, Rachel springs out of the jeep and runs back through traffic in the opposite direction.
Beth whips her head around. Tracks Rachel. The light turns green.
114. EXT. STREET – CONTINUOUS
Rachel looks back. disappears around the corner.
115. EXT. ALLEY – CONTINUOUS
Rachel runs down an alley. Slows her pace. looks for a place to hide. Checks behind some trash cans. A cat screeches. Rachel screeches.
Finally, an open garage door.
116. INT. GARAGE – CONTINUOUS
Rachel ducks in. Slithers between the cars. Squats in the corner. Catches her breath.
BACK TO:
117. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel, eyes squeezed shut. Finally, she forcibly shakes it off. Sighs. Steps in to her Mom to get a good look at her. Delivers the news of her brother’s suicide. Then plays guitar tentatively. Quietly. Sings softly. Until ELEANOR comes in and tells Rachel to leave.
118. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
Rachel enters the lobby with her guitar, computer bag and two cups of coffee. Sees Eleanor, smiles and takes her a cup of coffee. Apologizes.
118 a. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed. Hair brushed. New gown. Rachel carries on with Mom. It’s one-sided Takes guitar out of its case. Plays softly. Improvises stories from the past into songs..
Then hears voices outside the door. Swings the door open to several older woman all giggles, and smiles ear to ear.
119. INT. CRAPPY MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Rachel writes with fervor at the desk, this time by hand in a brand new journal. Stops. Gets a water from the fridge. Takes her weed out rolls a joint. Doesn’t light it. Back to writing.
120. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME – MORNING
BETH’S ROOM
Eleanor changes Beth’s gown. They talk quietly.
HALLWAY
Rachel with her gear about to enter Beth’s room, overhears Eleanor talking. Stops. Listens. Can’t make out what she’s saying. Then hears Beth speak.
121. INT. RESTROOM – CONTINUOUS
Rachel shoves herself into a stall with all her stuff. Crouches on the toilet. Sobs. Unable to catch her breath.
122. INT. BAR – LATER
Rachel sits at the bar waiting. From the end of the bar.
BARTENDER
The usual hon?
Rachel leaves.
BARTENDER
Okay.
123. EXT. BAR – CONTINUOUS
Rachel wanders away from the bar.
124. EXT. PARK – CONTINUOUS
A beautiful park with a lake in the middle. Parents and kids play by the swings and slides. Swans drift on the lake. Rachel, tosses her jacket onto the grass. Rolls up her pants and wades into the water. She takes in the sun. It’s a beautiful Spring day.
********Insert: LAKE Scene???
Rachel calls Paul and vents to him about having heard her Mom speak. And hearing that she doesn’t want Rachel there.
CUT #125 MOTEL SCENE *******DON’T THINK I NEED THIS.
126. INT. MENTAL HOSPITAL, RECEPTION — MORNING MAYBE MOVE THIS LATER.
Rachel stands at the desk waiting in line amongst a group of teenagers in line to get their allotted cigarettes. Once each teen receives a cigarette, he or she lights it from a gas lit device mounted on the wall.
Rachel next in line steps up. Gets her smoke and lights it from the wall.
127. INT. BETH’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel, 50’s, sits quiet on the chair next to her Beth. Picks up guitar. Plays softly, hums. Beth, eyes closed, fidgets. Writhes in her bed as if in a nightmare. Rachel wipes them away with her fingers and then brushes her fingers through her mom’s hair.
Beth winces.
128. INT. SAN JUAN AIRPORT – NIGHT 1972
Beth, 26, lands in Puerto Rico. Get’s her bags from the overhead. Stands and waits in line to exit plane.
129. EXT. CIALES, PR – DAY 1972
Beth pulls up in rental car. Parks in front of an extremely modest house surrounded by plantain trees.
Beth shows up to take Willy, 6, “shopping” and promises ABUELA they will return in time for dinner.
130. INT. PR HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
Abuela introduces Willy to his Mom.
BACK TO:
131. INT. CONVALESCENT HOME, BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth jerks in her bed. More tears. Rachel soothes her.
132. INT. FRANK AND ELEANOR’S LR – NIGHT 1972
Dark lit by candlelight. Beth, hides Willy at Frank and Eleanor’s. Holds Willy in her arms, rocking him. He has pneumonia and coughs excessively. Beth puts Willy over a steaming pot. Places a towel over his head.
133. INT. HIGH RISE APT – NIGHT 1973
The apartment is lit by moonlight through a wall of windows. The SOUND of walkies static in and out. Three officers stand in a circle in the middle of the room talking intermittently to each other and then into their walkie talkies. Rachel, curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch, chanting between sobs. Rocking back and forth. “I’m sorry mom. I’m so sorry mom.” Beth in the corner on the phone. Gasps. Hangs up. Blood curdling screams. Violently goes after Rachel yelling and blaming her. Rachel whales, runs into her room, slams the door.
BACK TO:
134. INT. BETH’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Beth in her bed, writhes and twitches. Murmurs. The machines beep out of time. What’s happening? Eleanor and a DOCTOR, 40’s, rush into the room. Followed by staff with medical equipment. Eleanor makes Rachel leave and tells her to come back tomorrow. Rachel calls Eleanor out.
135. INT. MOM’S ROOM – MORNING
Rachel hovers over Beth who appears to be sleeping. This is Rachel’s last day to visit.
RACHEL
Okay mom… You don’t have to worry. I’m leaving today. I’ll call Eleanor for reports to see how you’re doing. I’m glad you have her. I knew. who she was. I remember you telling me when I was little that “Frank and Eleanor” hid you and Willie. And they took care of you when he was sick… I’m sorry we didn’t get to have him. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I really just thought… my Dad came to see… me.
Beth’s eyes swell with tears.
RACHEL
Remember when you and Masa made me go to Japanese school? Every Saturday. you put me in the class with the 1st graders and I was like 11 or 12… With all the little tiny Japanese American kids. They like came up to my hip. I was giant next to them and at the end of the year we had to stand in a semi circle on the stage and sing that that mom song. Okaasan. I felt so stupid. A big ugly oaf drowning at sea amongst these perfect little porcelain cherubs bobbing up and down, with delight permanently stamped on their little faces. A bowl of shiny candy. With sweet sugary voices… and me.
Beth is still. She’s calm. Her face relaxed. Tears roll tenderly from her closed eyes. The machines sound steady.
Rachel lovingly wipes the tears from her mom’s face. Then softly.
RACHEL
Okaasan, okaasan / watashi no okaasan / yasashi ude de /
Rachel carefully lies next to Beth. Takes her hand and wraps her arm around her waist. Strokes her Mom’s hair.
dakishimete / hitori botchi de / nemureru yoru mo / kokoro wa furusato / watashi no okaasan / furusato / watashi no okaasan
Beth takes Rachels hand in hers. Squeezes it with acknowledgement. Silence.
136. INT. BETH’S ROOM – LATER
Eleanor enters with an envelope. Sees Beth and Rachel. She quietly slips the envelope into Rachel’s bag. Then leaves.
137. EXT. FESTIVAL, PARKING LOT – DUSK
TRUCK
Rachel swoops into a parking spot. Paul waves and heads over.
Rachel takes the already opened envelope from her bag. Opens it. Unfolds the letter. “Dear Rachel, I am so very proud of the person you’ve become. Love, Mom”. Rachel smiles to herself. Puts the note back in the envelope.
Rachel unloads the truck. She is dressed to kill. Turns to see Paul gazing at her.
PAUL
You look fucking hot.
Rachel throws her arms around Paul.
RACHEL
Hi.
PAUL
Hi.
Warm embrace. A moment.
ROLL CREDITS:
Paul takes her bag and guitar. Head toward the stage. Rachel takes Pauls hand.
138. EXT. FESTIVAL STAGE – EVENING
HOST/MC, center stage at the mic. Gets the crowd going. The band is ready offstage left. A huge crowd awaits. Cheers from out front.
HOST/MC
And now what we’ve all been waiting for. Let’s hear it for Band Name.
BAND NAME?
Crowd cheers swell.
Band members enter. Wave to their audience. Hit their marks. Rachel joins them center stage.
RACHEL
Hello everyone!
More cheers!
RACHEL
Sure is a beautiful day! Check out that sunset. Thank you everyone for joining us tonight. We are so happy to be here!
More excitement from the crowd.
Rachel big smile. Looks over to her band mates.
RACHEL
Ya’ll ready to rock? 1, 2, 3, 4!
LIVE MUSIC. (Rebels, Tom Petty).
FADE OUT:
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