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Day 3 Assignments
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June Fortunato’s Subtext Relationship Day 3
What I learned: I posted some of these scenes earlier, but now update. I love this lesson and want to scrub through my script to highlight the subtext. Because of this lesson, I rethought the idea of my bank scene (previously written out of order and now worthless) to include the opponent. It feels slightly contrived to me but it does tighten the arena. I do have 5 VIP characters, but there are usually ONLY TWO INTERACTING at the same time. It’s not until the climax that Roy, Kim and Brian interact in the same scene- for the battle.
I’m writing chronologically, because scenes written out of order end up thrown away. I’m trying to get the draft done by the class on the assignment list.
Three characters featured in these scenes: Roy Dent, Kim Kirby, Brian Kirby
Character Name ROY DENT lead Love interest with Suzy then with Kim Subtext Identity Angry, resentful, unforgiving of past Vietnam War veteran Character Traits Wiseass, quick wit, protective, defensive
Subtext Logline Roy mooches off of everyone to avoid being part of the system. His veneer is an easy going guy but underneath- a raging fire. Inside, he’s vulnerable and seeks companionship.
Possible areas of subtext Persuasive, desperation, resentment, terror, charmer.
Character Name KIM KIRBY lead love interest with Roy Subtext Identity Upper middle class disenfranchised spirit wounded woman fights to get what she deserves. Character Traits Puts on a show of fearlessness, clever, masks her vulnerability by play acting, deep empathy. Talented performer. Distributes goodies as well as steals. Quick wit. Escape artist. Free spirit.
Subtext Logline Kim plays sexy cute but underneath, she’s afraid to trust and will run as soon as anyone gets too close. She wants to love, she wants to fully express herself, but she’s afraid she will be shut down by others if she does. It’s easier to be a rule breaker. That’s what’s
expected of her.
Possible areas of subtext Fear. Sneaky. Wild. Vulnerable. Retaliatory. Vengence.
Character Name BRIAN KIRBY Opponent Kim’s thieving brother
Subtext Identity Bank owner/CPA who’s great at embezzling and well connected to powerful people. Character Traits Weasel, spineless. Self-serving, subservient to wife, zero empathy, will burn anyone to keep himself afloat.
Subtext Logline Brian does the bidding of his wife who is a prestige wife- half his age- to make inroads into bigger and bigger corporations from whom he can embezzle. He has stolen almost everything from his sister, Kim to please his trophy wife. Now he aims to institutionalize Kim to get rid of her permanently.
Possible areas of subtext Luring, sabotaging, pretending, lying, baiting, entrapping, sucking up.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – GYM HALLWAY – AFTERNOON
Kim emerges from the locker room in her lovely bathing suit and heads for the pool. A woman barracuda drags a reluctant front desk girl behind her to find Kim.
SUPERVISOR GYM Excuse me.
Kim turns. Shoot! Quick snapback.
KIM Oh, you have my new pass already!
Refers to the sheepish girl.
KIM She’s a gem.
SUPERVISOR GYM No. No. Your account is suspended.
KIM That’s not possible.
SUPERVISOR GYM “Suspension due to medical leave.”
Kim’s surprised and quickly recovers.
KIM Oh that. Don’t you update your records? That was a year ago. I’m excellent now.
SUPERVISOR GYM I’m glad to hear it Ms. Carter. But you’ll have to go to the office. Second floor. They can straighten this out for you.
KIM You bet. I’ll go right after my swim.
SUPERVISOR GYM Unfortunately, we need to have this resolved before you can work out today. I’m sorry.
Standing behind her supervisor, the young girl gestures an embarrassed apology.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – OSTEO UNIT – ROY’S – CONTINUOUS
Moving like a wounded rabbit, “Old-Mode” Roy beats back his fears, lifts a backpack and is almost out the door. If he was Kim, he’d chant: “I’m OK, I’m strong. I am good.”
Tara enters.
TARA Caught you! You can’t escape without saying goodbye!
ROY Tara O’hara, you snoop.
TARA New clothes! You look good!
ROY Don’t compliment me. I’ll think you want something. Besides, they’re rubbing like sandpaper on an eyeball.
Tara laughs.
TARA I’m going to miss your wiseassedness. Roy, be careful with that wound. Keep it clean.
He studies her. Then Roy makes for the door.
TARA You have to wait for the wheelchair!
ROY For my soldier’s parade! Everybody waves and then “off you go” Dumped at the door. “See YA!”
He tries to get past her again. Pause.
ROY It appears that you are impeding my future.
TARA I brought you some things. Look. TWO turkey sandwiches (whispers) with cranberries. And bugles… and
Suzy enters.
SUZY The villagers are already whining. Who’s gonna change Oma’s channel? Did you tell him?
TARA I was waiting for you.
SUZY Everyone on the floor pitched in.
She flashes a fan of five and ten dollar bills.
SUZY 153 dollars.
Hands it to him.
And here’s another 50.
She takes it from her pocket.
TARA I got cha too.
Tara gives him another 40 and two tiny bottles of Jim Beam. Pause.
SUZY Should I ask? Where’re you staying tonight?
Pause. Suzy pushes the guilt she feels away and Tara watches Suzy’s face.
TARA I hate goodbyes so… DO NOT! Come back broken Roy Dent!
Tara leaves. Suzy and Roy look at each other.
SUZY Before you go, you have to meet someone.
ROY Life awaits.
Attendant Tim appears with a wheelchair.
SUZY Take a few minutes. It could change your life.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – HALLWAYS AND SUITE
Kim glides like a ghost through the halls checking for unlocked doors. A cleaning cart holds the door to a suite open. Kim watches and pretends to look at her phone. Inside, two ladies zoom through a cleaning.
LADY 1 One dollar!
LADY 2 What?
Lady 1 shows a one-dollar tip.
LADY 1 A whole week. I hate weddings.
LADY 2 Damn mess. At least it’s Monday. Nothing’s ever in here on Monday.
LADY 1 One dollar. One dollar.
They finish. Lady 2 goes to the next room and opens the door. As Lady 1 pushes the cart out, Kim snags the door and sneaks in.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – SUITE
Wow!
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – OSTEO UNIT
Roy follows Suzy and Tim follows both of them with an empty wheelchair. They get to Marilyn’s room.
SUZY Roy, I want to explain…
But Roy turns toward the exit.
ROY Gotta go, Suzy Q. See you in the next life.
He heads out.
SUZY Roy!
Tara comes out from Marilyn’s room.
TARA Why does everyone want to escape us?
EXT. PHILADELPHIA STREETS – BANK – LATER THAT AFTERNOON
Roy sits on a bench across from a bank, eats one of his sandwiches and watches. He tamps down the boiling anger he feels at being ‘alive’ and at having to do this. Roy crosses the street and looks into the door. An employee – a bank minion dressed in cheap clothes – comes out and lights up a smoke. She pretends to look away and watches him from the corner of her eye.
ROY I used to smoke.
Silence.
Yes, sir yes, sir. Do you love it?
No response.
I’ll bet you love it.
She backs away slightly.
I was damn impressive. Some mornings, I could hock a loogie the size of a rat. Yes sir yes sir. And were they ever gooie looies! What memories. Luckily, someone died and I got his lung. Want to see the scar?
The girl backs away. Inside, an admin appears behind the door and pokes her head out.
ADMIN He’s here.
She jabs her cigarette into a sand bucket and hurries inside. Roy grits his teeth.
ROY Hold the door.
But, of course, the door has closed. Roy turns to leave and the twist jolts his shoulder with pain. It’s a comeuppance. He forces his “old Roy” personality, turns back and enters.
INT. BANK – LOBBY
The place is spic and span and the employees stand shoulder to shoulder like suspects in a police line up. Roy walks through them and comes face to face with none other than Kim’s grotesque brother, Brian – who’s the focus of the fanfare.
Into Brian’s face.
ROY Great place to embezzle money, right, Bry Bry?
Brian’s smugness folds. Delighted, Roy makes for the door.
ROY Watch your money in this EEE STAB LESH MENT folks. Care FULL ly.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – SUITE
Kim dreamily soaks in a ginormous bathtub and suddenly erupts singing the classic from Bob Marley, 1994.
KIM Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do when they come for you. Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do when they come for you. When you were eight, and you had bad traits, you go to school and learn the golden rule. So why are you acting like a bloody fool, if you get hot you must get cool.
Sound crosses over into the next scene.
Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do when they come for you. Bad boy, bad boy, whatcha gonna do when they come for you.
EXT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – SIMULTANEOUS
Roy watches as large box of French baguettes is delivered to the curb of the Bellevue hotel. He snags one for his backpack and enters the hotel.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Crowded. A group of doctors chat and Roy joins the group.
OLD DOC Of course, the Glenohumeral fractured.
ROY Typical – especially in broke down old farts.
Pause. Who is this guy?
ROY My meth ED O LOGY is to break the guy’s other shoulder and even him out.
The doors open and the doctors exit the elevator at high speed.
INT. BELLEVUE HOTEL – 19TH FLOOR LOBBY – CONTINUOUS
The doctors follow the sounds and aromas of catering and a big band into the gorgeous Garden ballroom. Tucked into the side of the lobby, Roy spies a service door to a narrow staircase. At the top there’s a tiny, dusty balcony. The floor is laid with pipes. Roy sneaks a peek below. Doctors graze. Roy’s found his new pad complete entertainment, and when the doctors leave, dinner.
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Matthew Frendo’s Subtext relationship
WHAT i LEARNED: I learned how to write subtext into a scene to heighten the effect. I also learned how to put subtexts together that will lead to more interesting situations.
Character Name: Alicia
Subtext Identity: Secretive contestant
Character Traits: Protective, Brave, Secretive, Loner
Subtext Logline: Alicia is a secretive contestant who is hiding the fact that her little brother is really her son, conceived after her father raped her.
Possible areas of subtext: gets quiet whenever talk about family is brought up, stifles talk about brother, overprotective of brother on stage, loses it when someone talks about listening to family or elders, tries to be alone
Character Name: Kristen
Subtext Identity: Christian girl covering up problems
Character Traits: caring, self-righteous, covering up, loyal
Subtext Logline: Kristen is a Christian girl who uses religion to cover up the fact that she has no friends and is suicidal.
Possible areas of subtext: talks about religion constantly, keeps talking up her relationship to God as the only thing that matters, changes subject when emotions or feelings are brought up, stickler for Christian rules
Character Name: Nick
Subtext Identity: weaselly contestant
Character Traits: strong, weaselly, hot-headed, remorseful
Subtext Logline: Nick is an weasally contestant who entered the games willingly to try and get money for his girlfriend’s artificial leg after a tragic accident
Possible areas of subtext: won’t talk about home life, won’t talk about why he was picked for the games, gets pissed whenever someone pushes him about anything, tries to talk people into doing things that will help him survive
INT. BIG TOP – NIGHT
The group stands there, covered in blood and grime…but awestruck. Josh paces excitedly.
JOSH
I can’t believe we took out three! Hardened criminals couldn’t take out one and we took out three!
NICK
Yeah, you put in a lot of work there.
JOSH
Hey, I found the weapons.
NICK
And I used the weapons.
KRISTEN
Guys, let’s not forget who we really need to thank here–
They all turn to Alicia.
KRISTEN
–God.
They all groan.
JOCELYN
Why would you bring up God while we’re in Dante’s nightmare?
KRISTEN
Just saying, that’s why we all lived. Because I’m here and me and God have a special relationship–
STAN
Is this gonna turn into God porn?
Kristen looks at him like he’s the devil incarnate.
KRISTEN
Eww, no. Sex is forbidden until marriage.
(a beat)
But if I was going to give my delicate flower to somebody–
They all turn away, groaning again.
ALICIA
On that note–
She gives a small wave and starts walking off.
She looks back and sees that everyone has followed her. They nonchalantly look around when she looks back.
She walks again. Same result when she turns around.
She tries on more time, then finally turns on them.
ALICIA
What?
JOCELYN
Just sayin’, you know–
JOSH
We beat three! If we stay together, we can beat all the others!
JOCELYN
Yeah. What he said, but less eager and lame.
KRISTEN
I was coming to help you, not me. I figured, with my God connect and all–
They groan again.
ALICIA
Oh, make no mistake. This–
(motions to them as a group)
–was a mistake. I’m not here to save anybody. I just want to hide until this thing’s over and get out. If little miss ray of sunshine over here hadn’t been singing next to me, of all fucking things, I would still be there now.
NICK
Maybe not. Maybe it would have found you. Maybe you would be dead in the gutter without us.
KRISTEN
Maybe my singing was you being protected by–
(stops, looks around at their glares)
Nevermind. Go with the you’d be dead thing.
STAN
If anyone cares, my votes for not dying.
JOSH
Yeah, mine too.
NICK
Think of your family. They–
Alicia just looks away.
NICK
You got family, right? They’re probably watching proud of you right–
ALICIA
They’re not watching. And if they are, they’re not proud.
KRISTEN
Surely someone’s watching. Your mom or sister or brother–
Alicia cuts her off with a glare that could make a serial killer wither.
KRISTEN
Or, you know, whatever.
Nick steps in front of her, looking at her directly.
NICK
Do you really want to be the one who lets us all die?
ALICIA
I’m not responsible for any of you.
JOSH
It’s the only chance we have.
Alicia sits, thinking on it, when–
BLAAAARRREEE!
INTERCOM
Dinner break. Report to the animal cages to be fed.
STAN
They’re feeding us like animals?
JOSH
I’m just glad we made it to dinner! We’re the first ones to do so!
Alicia and the rest walk on.
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Cameron Martin’s Subtext relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is…this can be an eeny-meeny-miny-mo process, as long as the following question is answered: “How can the established element be elevated?” What I mean by this is to not go overboard in any particular direction. As I tried figuring out each subtext for my different characters, I was reminded of an anime I watched years ago, DEADMAN WONDERLAND. In it, there were plenty of plot twists and subtext reveals throughout the show, but they always came down to the same logic: so and so character was insane all along. It was disappointing and predictable at a certain point, and I lost complete faith in the writers because it was obvious they didn’t know how to create compelling characters outside of their protagonist and maybe one other character. So, as I considered my characters for this plot, the notion of a “secret identity” came up for each of them, and it got ridiculous in a hurry. Maybe the concept of “everyone’s a spy” or “everyone has a secret identity” works for television or a comedy, but whatever it would work for it risks being unbelievable in this story when you have to balance it between an alien horror monster movie with the subplot of an authoritarian space empire. So, in going back to the drawing board, I considered what I already had. I had the character Jude who was going to be a spy, but that role has shifted over to Sully (which I didn’t realize was so important to do until I considered how much stronger the character is now for a bankable actor). It would be too much for both Sully and Jude to be spies, too much extra plot to conceive of that could detract from the horror conventions. That leaves the subtext of her already being infected, which works on its own anyway. I also decided to combine the characters Dr. Douglas and Jude together in order to have another familiar face for the audience to recognize. Another character I introduced in the opening was the Manager, Sully’s boss. They have a fiery exchange, and I think it worked well before. Now that Sully is a spy for the Hegemony, it works even better, as the surface level hierarchy of Manager being over Sully and trying to have him fired is the polar opposite of the subtextual hierarchy of Sully being an official and outranking the Manager. I considered making the Manager an undercover resistance fighter, but it ruins the current plot in a couple of ways. First, too many secret identities makes us look at every character and assume they too have a secret identity, which is a precedent that may leave an audience disappointed if I don’t fulfill it. Worse is that it sets up the Manager and Sully as equals. This works if my script is supposed to be a spy movie with the Manager and Sully battling each other until the final act. But my script is a horror; different requirements. Lastly, by making them equal, I lose that original feeling of someone picking on the wrong guy (in gaming terms, it’d be like a level 10 character thinking he’s all that, and challenging someone who’s level 50. It ain’t going to go over well). I really like that disparity between the surface level conflict and the underlying reality. As far as subtext goes, however, there isn’t enough time for the Manager trying to have Sully fired to be relevant. The resistance angle works well, as it offers greater context to the politics of this version of the future, and making Manager a sympathizer to the resistance achieves both functions; he can still have the surface level and the underlying level, and the politics of this world can still be established and set up the third act and potentially future movie. What’s more is that making him a sympathizer, rather than an active agent, adds more weight to the relationship. Not only does Sully outrank his Manager as a secret government official, he also has dirt on his Manager that would not only end the Manager’s career, but potentially his life as well. Again, eeny-meeny-miny-mo process of what makes sense and/or elevates what’s already working.
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Sully – Is a spy who works in the medical bay as a cover, while trying to keep his Aspie son in the dark.
Isaiah – Is an Aspie who’s obsessed with the alien parasites, going so far as to keep them as pets, which he keeps hidden from his father
Manager – Is Sully’s boss for the medical bay and a resistance sympathizer who wants to get him fired.
Dr. Douglas – Is Sully’s coworker and is secretly infected.
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Sully investigates his son, but makes it seem like a normal father/son conversation.
Isaiah lies about and hides his alien pets from his father.
Manager makes up a family member that he donates money to. The family member is actually a resistance group on the colony.
Manager hides his affiliation with the resistance by acting overzealous, going so far as to threaten to separate Sully from Isaiah if he doesn’t clean up his act.
Sully threatens Manager back based on his affiliation with a resistance movement
Dr. Douglas gets infected:Starts using an inhaler to hide his infection
Isaiah loses his pets and tries to find them, lying to his father in the process
Sully lies about a set building background as a cover for being a highly trained spy
Manager finds out about Sully’s true identity and tries to kill him
Isaiah catches Dr. Douglas’ coughing getting worse and deduces that he’s infected. Dr. Douglas argues that as long as his lungs are kept moist, the eggs won’t hatch.
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INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
The glitter of a sun rising trickles into the room from a window.
KZZT. KZZT. The same window reveals itself as a screen depicting an artificial world beyond the walls of the space colony with each malfunction of static.
We pan back to see the remainder of the room – crisp, organized, more reminiscent of a hotel room than a lived in apartment.
SULLY (O.S.)
Open wide, kiddo.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
Aaaaaaaaaah.
SULLY (O.S.)
You’re fine.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
No I’m not. *cough, cough*
Sully tries looking Isaiah in the eye, but Isaiah’s eyes look in every direction except toward his father – not out of a lack of love, but out of an otherwise gripping anxiety of eye contact.
SULLY
What’s here that’s more exciting than what you’ve got going on at school today?
ISAIAH
Nothing.
SULLY
(gears turning)
Yeah. Nothing.
Sully gets up and strides toward Isaiah’s room, door closed. In fact, all of the doors are closed.
ISAIAH
Dad, wait.
SULLY
Where’s your cough?
ISAIAH
*COUGH, COUGH!*
Sully tries turning the handle. Locked.
SULLY
You locked your door?
ISAIAH
*Cough* No adults allowed. *Cough*
SULLY
(reaching above the door frame)
Mhmm.
Sully recovers a small key hiding atop the door frame.
ISAIAH
Dad!
SULLY
(plugging the key in the handle)
Isaiah, some day you’ll understand that fifty percent of a parent’s job is to assume what their teenage child tells him is bullshit.
ISAIAH
I’m not a teenager.
SULLY
Semantics. You’re old enough to act like one.
Sully opens the door with all the gravitas of someone about to catch a lie.
REEEEAAARRGH!! A flash of teeth pounce on Sully’s face.
Sully LEAPS BACK in a panic.
His eyes settle down, eyeing…
A plastic dinosaur, still sounding off an electronic roar, attached to a lever sprung up from the carpet floor.
Sully braves the unknown of his son’s Rube Goldberg Machine of a room. Everywhere different mechanisms move and flow. Nothing high tech. It’s all just appliances and toys being used as basic machines (levers, pulleys, wheels, etc.)
SULLY
(with the enthusiasm of receiving someone else’s order)
Isaiah, what the hell is all this?
ISAIAH
*Cough.*
SULLY
Okay, no more keeping the door to your room closed.
ISAIAH
Why? Your room’s always closed.
SULLY
Fair point. I don’t care.
ISAIAH
Daaaaad.
SULLY
Listen. This is all very impressive. I wish school was half as interesting for someone as smart as you.
ISAIAH
They’re still stuck on the FOIL method! I have half of the formulas memorized at this point!
SULLY
However, comma—
ISAIAH
I’ll go.
SULLY
Attaboy.
Sully and Isaiah exit his room. Isaiah looks behind him, like he’s checking something.
SULLY
Hey.
ISAIAH
Yeah, dad?
SULLY
(squeezing him a little tighter)
I love you.
ISAIAH
Love you too, dad.
Under Isaiah’s bed, dark and unobserved, a glass tank. Some THING SLITHERS, but its form remains veiled by the shadows.
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DAY 3 SUBTEXT IN RELATIONSHIPS
What I learned is how much fun writing in subtext can be! It really makes characters stand out.
SUBTEXT LOGLINES
MISS JENKINS is a deeply religious teacher at a Catholic School who has repressed her attraction to women in order to keep her much needed job. But now she’s fallen hard for another teacher.
THE PRINCIPAL is the burnt-out Principal of the school. She burnt but feigns a good work ethic in order to keep scamming the school for money she’s syphoning off. She needs to keep the school running smoothly to avoid any parental or board scrutiny.
TASHA parents placed her in the school because of her behavioral problems. She knows Miss Jenkins is gay because she secretly witnessed her kissing another female teacher. She keeps quiet ONLY because she needs a passing grade in her class. She also suspects the principal is living beyond her means and intends to also use that to her benefit.
INT. PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE – DAY
A KNOCK AT HER DOOR.
PRINCIPAL
One moment please!
She opens up her desk drawer, pulls out an airplane-sized bottle of booze, sucks it down, sprays her mouth with Listerine, then quickly picks up her phone–
PRINCIPAL
Come in!
She sets the phone back down as if she’s busy and just hanging up from a call as MISS JENKINS and TASHA ENTER.
PRINCIPAL
Have a seat, ladies.
Both sit. Tasha, wearing a school uniform, sits back in the chair, legs apart.
MISS JENKINS grimaces.
MISS JENKINS
Tasha.
TASHA
What?
MISS JENKINS
Please sit up.
TASHA
Why? I’m tired and I have ‘lady pains.’
Off of Miss Jenkins disapproving look…
TASHA
Alright.
Tasha straightens up, primly pulls her legs together.
MISS JENKINS
Thank you.
TASHA
I did it for you, Miss Jenkins.
She wiggles her legs apart and then back again.
TASHA
So you could concentrate.
Principal gives Miss Jenkin a confused look, clears her throat.
PRINCIPAL
Tasha, Miss Jenkins asked for this meeting because of your grades in her class. They’re slipping.
TASHA
Slipping? Really? I hadn’t noticed. So much other stuff happening these days to grab an impressionable girl’s attention – ya know?
The Principal nods gravely, feigning deep concern.
PRINCIPAL
Oh, I do know.
Miss Jenkins pales. She knows???
PRINCIPAL
I work hard to stay in touch with all our students and teachers. And I know that coming back to school after the pandemic has been difficult on many emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Miss Jenkin relaxes.
Tasha smiles sarcastically.
TASHA
Well, maybe not the physical part.
She blinks playfully at Miss Jenkins.
The Principal just wants to move on, get this over with.
PRINCIPAL
Yes, well, we’ve all been hit hard. But, my job – and Miss Jenkins’ – is to give you all the support you need so you can get back on track.
Feigning getting choked up…
TASHA
Wow. I can see that you both really want that for me.
PRINCIPAL
We do. We care.
TASHA
Especially about the kids whose parents write big checks?
The Principal sits back in her chair.
TASHA
You do drive such a nice car.
Miss Jenkins comes to the rescue.
MISS JENKINS
Tasha, we’re grateful to your parents for their support, but I – here at Saint Joseph’s we really do care about all our students.
TASHA
And teachers too, right? Or is it just one teacher in particular? Hmm?
Feeling accused of nepotism…
PRINCIPAL
I support all our teachers equally but if you’re saying I especially support Miss Jenkins, you’re right. She’s an excellent teacher.
TASHA
I bet she is. Maybe I do need to pay more attention to her. She probably has lots to teach me. As you do, Principal Davis. I’ve heard you’re a wiz at finance.
The Principal looks at Tasha long and hard.
PRINCIPAL
After much consideration on this matter, I suggest Miss Jenkins give you some extra time to pull up your grade, maybe with some tutoring, yes, Miss Jenkins?
MISS JENKINS
Of course.
TASHA
Sure. Extra afterschool tutoring.
She smiles at Miss Jenkins.
TASHA
Sounds good.
PRINCIPAL
Great. We’re all in this together, right?
Tasha smiles.
TASHA
Right you are.
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Day 3: Subtext – Anita’s Subtext Relationships
What I learned from this exercise: It added a few more layers of interest and possible additional plot points.
Character Name: Danica Brahms
Subtext Identity: Secretive / Evasive, In denial
Character Traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Subtext Logline: Danica is a driven pro-life lawyer with a secret whose career and very life is put in jeopardy by an unwanted pregnancy with her married boss, Cyrus.
Character Name: Cyrus Kilner
Subtext Identity: Unethical, Political
Character Traits: Image-Conscious Narcissist, Hypocrite, Manipulative, Workaholic
Subtext Logline: Cyrus is a narcissist who won’t let anything – not even the hypocritical desire for his mistress Danica to get an abortion – stand in the way of his pursuit to become a power-wielding judge.
Character Name: Harley Wozniak
Subtext Identity: Evil / Amoral, no moral center or self-restraint
Character Traits: Intelligent, Self-confident, Willful, Bad-tempered
Subtext Logline: Harley is a brilliant but psychologically twisted young woman with abandonment issues who kills her biological father Cyrus, allowing his kidney to become the life-saving transplant her mother needs.
Possible subtext scenarios:
– Danica does not have an abortion like she indicated to Cyrus that she would – he doesn’t find out until years later.
– Harley is born (like her mother) with only one kidney.
– Driven by her own experiences, Danica becomes a well-known pro-choice advocate lawyer.
– Cyrus becomes an appellate court judge allowing him to then run into Danica professionally 20 years after their affair.
– Seeing Cyrus in court triggers Danica and her work starts suffering.
– The product of her parents’ genetics shows up in Harley as being psychologically damaged, being cruel to animals and emotionally cold to people.
– Harley gets pregnant herself and has an abortion, much to the chagrin of her boyfriend.
– Danica’s sister dies from kidney disease, sending Danica to her doctor who tells her she needs a kidney donor to save her own life.
– Danica’s secret affair with Cyrus combined with her advancing kidney disease ultimately leads to her emotional and physical breakdown, leading her to search for her unwanted daughter.
– Danica needs a kidney donor, but her daughter only has one – Danica is forced to face her motives in searching for her daughter (to warn her? Or use her?)
– Harley, having access to info at her research lab, discovers who her parents are and that her mother needs a transplant.
– Harley realizes Cyrus is a match for her mother as a donor and plots to kill him.
– The affair Cyrus had with Danica is ultimately discovered by his wife who then leaves him.
– Harley is so emotionally twisted that she is able to kill Cyrus in a hit-and-run car accident, and set him up as a donor for Danica, all unbeknownst to Danica.
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PS81 – Dana’s Subtext Relationship
What I learned from this assignment:
Writing a script dealing with mental illness with a sociopath antagonist, I didn’t realize how much subtext I had written until I began this assignment. I can now better recognize subtext due to this assignment and dig deeper into my characters as I rewrite my script.
Character Subtexts:
Ellen Landry is a broken psychologist hiding from a past tragedy, working as a radio talk show host to avoid personal attachment with patients/people.
Ryan is a sadistically polite sociopath who emotionally tortures his victims by blackmailing them into making impossible choices.
Det. Jack Sorensen is a hardened detective who will twist the rules of an investigation to find justice for a victim by any means possible.
Subtext Scenarios:
Sorensen questions Ellen about the call, but she hides behind patient confidentiality to avoid revealing her secret about Jason.
Talking with his lieutenant, Sorensen is suspicious of the coincidences and suspects the husband is having an affair.
Ellen continues her show, refusing to play a rerun, concealing her secret about Jason from her producer.
Sorensen speaks to Jason’s arrogant psychiatrist who promotes himself by revealing Ellen’s secret. (She treated William, one of Jason’s alters, not realizing she was treating a DID patient, and that William attempted suicide in front of her.)
Ryan calls the show on a false pretense to discuss a relationship, drawing Ellen into conversation, then reveals himself to be one of Jason’s alters.
Ryan reveals he kidnapped Ellen’s family and threatens to execute one member every hour unless she solves his problem.
Ellen engages Ryan to stop him from killer her family, but Ryan continues his sadistic game, torturing Ellen’s emotions.
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DAY 3 Subtext in Relationships
Lisa’s Subtext Relationship
What I learned is that subtext belongs everywhere in the script, dialogue and action.
CHARACTER SUBTEXTS
Mary Winters
Subtext Logline: Mary is torn in different directions and keeping it together while she tries not to deal with her split feelings under the surface about Peter, her ex-husband and Joseph who keeps asking her to marry him.
Peter Winters
Subtext Logline: Peter is a war veteran who vehemently denies that he is depressed and he’s hell-bent on secretly kidnapping Santa and paying off his debt before Christmas Day.
Joseph Bishop
Subtext Logline: Joseph is a stealthy winery businessman who feels at 41 that he should finally settle down, so he wants to marry Mary because she’s the best lady in town and he hates Peter but tries to hide it.
SUBTEXT SCENARIOS
Mary confronts Peter about his PTSD and following through with meds and therapy because she’s afraid for him but acting out of concern for her daughters. Peter pushes back on Mary, hiding his condition.
Peter plows through with his plan and foolishly involves Tilly although he’s not certain if it will work. He can’t turn back now.
Mary and Peter have a moment when the audience thinks that maybe it’s not over between them. Will they get back together?
Joseph continually pushes Mary to marry him, but deep down he’s not even sure he’s in love with her. Joe believes in “never let them see you sweat” and he hides everything from Mary…only showing his surface in the scenes where he proposes.
Mary senses that something is off with Joseph. But she hasn’t voiced her concern.
Mary, Peter, and Joseph are in the same place (which rarely happens because Peter and Joseph avoid each other like the plague) and the animosity between them is palpable. Mary seems to be somewhat oblivious to their disdain for each other.
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Alice’s Subtext relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is it was easier to write a scene than create decent subtext! In this scene subtext is they both hide intimacy. This is just upstart of the scene. I have problems in expanding it. I tend to brief it, which I probably will.
WARD
LENA
WARD is trained in combat experienced person who is stuck in between of strict order and external danger, as he balances his wish of intimacy with girl in restricted reservation and his desire to liberate her.
LENA is young girl from zone who is lucky but brings drama upon choice men attracted to her as she strives for survival.
INT. WARD’S ROOM – DAY
LENA folds horizontally, as she performs combat blow with her foot. However her blow is lacking force.
WARD
How much I told you? Hit is not just a gesture! It is designed for murder!
Le-na obediently stops, as he shakes her by the shoulders, shifting into better combat posture.
WARD
You know, let’s go shower!
INT. BATHROOM – DAY
Streams of hot water over naked bodies. They pose with their back to each other. Reach for soap.
Ward starts foaming Le-na’s abundant dark hair. She’s a bit shy. As he turns away, her gaze follows after.
On his massive back there is prominent birth mark.
LENA
What is that?
She slightly touches it, to indicate. As his body has a number of scars, getting white under hot water.
WARD
Every ward is marked that way!
Le-na turns around, getting under streams of water, washing soap away, pretending indifference.
He turns her side, moving her from behind by the shoulders around bathtub. Illustrating with his breathing. Embraces, and mimics body movement with his torso, as during sex.
Le-na endures this. Though intimate, she appears naive, and core of activity is obscure to her.
After such treatment, he partially lets go of her, still holding, as if considering such possibility.
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Anna Harper Subtext Relationship Day 3
What I learned from this assignment is; that I have been taking the power of subtext for granted and not using it enough. It certainly adds to the spice of a scene, (entertainment value)and adds to the options for the actors to express themselves.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
Situation: All the characters in the scene are related in one way or another to the hospital and the community. Drugs, alcohol, and deaths are rife in Old Buffalo. Tonight, they are meeting under cover of darkness and away from the prying eyes of the community, at Connie and Abe’s farm. They are trying to come up with a plan to obtain evidence and prosecute the drug-dealing doctor Teddy Suleman.
ACT II
CHARACTERS
SARAH WARWICK single mom, brand new mental health worker, out of her depth in an aboriginal community. Exudes confidence at work, sometimes the mask slips. and her fragility and fears show.
BONNIE SMITH competent, determined to pull the community together, but running out of steam. Her son died in an alcohol/vehicle-related incident. No one knows she is taking antidepressants not even her husband. She is considering leaving Old Buffalo. Thinks Sarah does not have the chops.
ABE SMITH Bonnie’s husband is a good man. Loves Old Buffalo, and will not leave the community. Keeps his domestic problems with Bonnie to himself. He is having heart problems. No confidence in the new white woman.
Dr. PAUL MURPHY On a temporary visa from Ireland, divorced. Wants to go home to his Dad and his son, Lonely, and charming. Sketchy relationship skills. Terrified, one of the local teenagers will die on his watch. Really fancies Sarah.
CODY JACK Traditional (skills) indigenous man, good looking, charming. Con artist. Wants what he wants. Thinks about making it big in the city. Hates what is happening in the community. Thinks Sarah would be a good catch and boost his position/ego.
WINSTON SMALLWOLF Traditional male, skilled bushman. Proud to keep the community safe from bears etc. Detests the doctor they are meeting about. A secretly recovering alcoholic from a neighboring reserve did some time in prison, hoping his past won’t catch up with him.
AL ROSENBERG Junior doctor here as a locum. Tries to fit in, underneath feels distant from the community. Homesick, wonders if it’s all hopeless. Alarmed at the number of difficult/dangerous births among teen Moms. Would like to help, but feels clueless. Professionally teaming up with Fern
CORPORAL WILL SHIRE Indigenous policeman, speaks several indigenous languages. Was abused as a child. Really cares about the community, frustrated as no one will tell him anything.
CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS Indigenous policemen, likes everything modern, not traditional. Fed up with the difficult posting. Tries to initiate developments, runs into brick walls of resistance.
ROSE RUNNING COYOTE The hospital cook, (married) local medicine woman, leads all the sweat ceremonies. Believes she knows everything that is going on. Is suspicious of the new white girl, and keeping an eye on her. Does not understand why Sarah is here. Rose has a secret love for Cody.
FERN JONES Sexual health educator. Treated like a black sheep at the hospital, which is mostly staffed by Catholic indigenous women. Trying hard, feel like she is against a wall. Only here because she went bankrupt with online gaming and needs the money. Fantasizes about running away with Abe.
JERIMIAH Non-practicing Mennonite. Local grain farmer, not well-liked a slimy character. Has a meth lab in the bush on his farm. Fancies Sarah knows she is out of his league.
KRISTA School board official with aspirations to politics. Wants to get rid of Suleman and clean up with the community as a feather in her cap.
INT. BONNIE’S FAMILY HOME-NIGHT
(a farmhouse, they raise cattle; mooing sounds in the background)
BONNIE
Come on in Sarah. Take your coat off. Eli can go and play with my grandson, Chance. He’s in the T.V. room.
SARAH
Thanks for this Bonnie. Let’s hope we can do something, anything to find out what’s been going on.
BONNIE
So this is a group of friends and neighbors all have concerns about Dr. Suleman. You’ve already met my friend Rose, the hospital cook. She is an elder and Old Buffalo’s very own medicine woman. This is Krista; she is a mom with two teenagers at the High school. Krista works for the school board administration office, and she’s the local beekeeper. Fern here is the sex educator with public health. You haven’t met her.
FERN
I’m in the office around the corner from your office. The other nurses in public health have made it clear I’m not welcome, so you won’t find me at their gossipy coffee mornings.
SARAH
Well, you are always welcome to have coffee in my office.
WINSTON SMALLWOLF
Hi there Sarah, I’m Winston the Bear Man. Not bare naked. I just mind the bears, keep an eye on them. I will be coming over to your place tomorrow to clear out some of the trees around your cabin. We usually cut them back to 100 feet from the cabin. That way it’s easier for you to see if there are any bears on the property. They generally don’t like coming into the open. If you see one, stay in the house and call the park warden and he will radio me to come on over. Always, without fail, use your bear door window before opening the door, and fasten the bolts, top, and bottom when you are inside. Do not attempt to run for your vehicle. These bears can run real fast. And don’t let your son out in the yard by himself. The safest place in the schoolyard for outdoor play, with an adult. It’s too soon for you to know who you can trust around here.
SARAH
Holy crap, I didn’t realize it was such a big deal with the bears here!
WINSTON
It’s because the cabin they allotted to you, it’s on the bear trail. Get them to assign you a different one as soon as possible. There is a vacant one right in Old Buffalo, next door to the pharmacist’s house.
CODY
Hi again Sarah. Are you feeling better from the sweat?
SARAH
Sarah blushes and avoids direct eye contact.
ROSE is watching Sarah’s expression like a hawk.
SARAH CONTD
Yes, thanks.
BONNIE
Cody is running the local youth group, teaching traditional skills; that are youth have been not using. So Cody teaches them fishing, and trapping, and takes them to drum circles and camping right Cody?
CODY
And don’t forget the Hand Games Tournament! You’re in for a real northern experience. We have a tournament coming up.
SARAH
Well, that’s if I last. Between Dr.Suleman threatening me, and the buffalo, really I don’t know if I am going to stay. While I’m here, I’m just doing my job, trying to ensure the safety and well-being of the patients. I don’t want to ever experience the tragedy we had today. A teen trying to shoot himself, with narcotics on board; and alcohol in his blood work.
PAUL
Paul casually moves to sit next to Sarah on the sofa. Cody trying not to notice, still looks disgusted. Rose’s eyes dart back and forth.
PAUL CONTD
Apparently, he is hanging in. The medivac hospital trip was successful. However, we don’t know if it’s the same Nathan coming out of this, as the Nathan before he took a rifle to his head. It’s a tragedy.
BONNIE
These guys aren’t in their uniforms; this is Brian and Will, two of the local police officers. They have their concerns over drugs really showing up more than ever in the local area.
JERIMIAH
Hey Sarah, welcome to Old Buffalo, sorry it’s been unpleasant. It’s not always this dark with grief and sadness. We have our good times too. I’m just a local farmer.
BONNIE
And of course, you already know these two docs, Abe and Paul. and This is my husband, Arthur.
ARTHUR
There’s tea and bannock on the table. I made the bannock while Bonnie was at work.
BONNIE
So we are all agreed. There is a monster of a problem with drugs.
DR. AL ROSENBERG
We know there are drugs being sold in the community. I am seeing more and more frequently teens coming in with overdoses, accidental with alcohol as well. Sometimes I see injuries that would match with beatings. Broken bones, including one skull fracture, knife wounds. It’s pretty horrific. I don’t think they get this much drama in a city ghetto.
DR. PAUL MURPHY
And it’s not just boys. The girls are coming in with signs of rape, beatings, and I had one girl covered in burn marks..
CORPORAL WILL SHIREWhen Brian or myself try to interview victims, they will not talk. Literally, they go mute. I feel like I am banging my head against a wall.
CORPORAL BRIAN MANY RIVERS
The youngest kid I have seen with pills was a ten-year-old girl. She tried to hang herself in the school bathroom. She actually went completely mute for several months. Even now she hardly talks and she would not tell us anything.
SARAH
How is this happening?
BRIAN
Every one of us here knows exactly what is going on. But we don’t have any hard evidence.
CODY
I have friends, and contacts in the other nearby communities. They are also having the same problems. My contacts know where the drugs are coming from. Some of them have been offered money to distribute. They won’t talk to the police either.
DR AL ROSENBERG
One of the fathers did try to talk. He was found beaten within an inch of his life, in a ditch in freezing weather last winter. It’s a wonder he wasn’t killed. I had about 30 staples in him to close the wounds. He was in the hospital for a week.
KRISTA
and what would have happened to his wife and kids if he had died? A life on welfare, starving for the last two weeks of every month?
BONNIE
We think, pretty much know, Dr. Suleman has a distribution network. He has several ways of getting drugs in quantity to the youth. One way is Hells Angels on Skidoos in winter, bikes in good weather across the U.S. border. They bring in more drugs than Suleman can procure for sale himself. We have seen them. They just disappear into the bush. Another way is he writes extra prescriptions, Gets people hooked, and then has them sell the stuff he seems to get his hands-on, in exchange for more pills and money. I have been keeping an eye on him for a while now. He has two phones and two laptops. One is a burner phone.
BRIAN
That’s the type of phone the gangs use. He has gifted the kids burner phones. We have found some smashed up and thrown on the river bank.
SARAH
What are we going to do?
BRIAN
We are going to do this the legal way, with a warrant.
BONNIE
He is going to the big city for a meeting on Friday. Could we search the office then?
WILL
And his house. What about his wife?
BONNIE
No worries, she is with the kids in the City. I guess they are going to meet up. There’s no love lost there;he smacks her around. Though, she won’t want to lose her doctor’s wife’s salary.
SARAH
Sarah’s body language is closed, and self-protective, her voice, and facial expression are strained.
SARAH
I’m not ready for any of this. My head is spinning just hearing all of this nightmare. I’m a city girl without this kind of experience and I nearly lost my job on the first day. Look, I get what you are saying. I need some time to figure out what and how to deal with this, and quite frankly I am just bloody exhausted! I want to help Nathan and his family. It’s just all this is happening so fast. Dr. Suleman should be assessed, and certified, he is totally nuts, Delusional. I have no idea how to deal with him. And Geoffrey the Hospital administrator was basically useless and enabling. I don’t think I stand much of a chance of doing anything useful with those two slime balls in my way. I have to go home and get some sleep. I’m sorry!
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Kate’s Subtext relationship
(I didn’t write an entire scene just series of incidents/possible scenes a la the eg.)
What I learned doing this assignment is it is challenging for me to keep throwing up obstacles to create the subtext although when I do it deepens the complexities and relationships themselves.
4 Characters in a relationship.
NIA is a hopeful, slightly manic, naive young woman in denial about the truth of her father who has to choose whether to support him or the local community whose values she shares, in an all or nothing big sting.
SHAUNN is dutiful but resentful young man whose relationship with his Tiger Mother threatens to undermine his courage to tell Nia that he loves her.
MIN is a fierce, needy, highly successful businesswoman woman whose son (Shaunn) is her only reason for living and she is terrified of losing.
LUCIANA is a determined, scheming woman who concocts a great ‘Sting’ to exact justice equalizing an old score that has become a current local ‘war’ for life, land and justice.
A series of situations (and over several scenes) increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions, etc.
• Min arrives to help with the sting only so that Shaunn can just come home
• Shaunn has decided that he will not be leaving the troupe but he needs to keep her on side.
• Shaunn wants to use this sting/con to prove to Nia he is strong and capable.
• Luciana and Min form an instant bond – 2 strong women with a love of a challenge
• Nia sees this, doesn’t understand it, and doesn’t fully trust either of them – what is their relationship? (In view of hearing that Luciana is a lesbian wo contributed to her Mother’s death as told by Darrogh)
• Min asks Luciana to help her get her son out of here and home – she says he is ‘not well’.
• But Luciana sees that Shaunn is in love with Nia who is unaware and, a romantic at heart, she wants to help with that.
• Min is suspicious that there is another reason Shaunn won’t come home and in a round-about manner tries to find out what Luciana thinks
• Luciana hedges – she doesn’t want this sting/con derailed by outside issues
• Shaunn is trying to find out how Nia feels about him as the pressure to leave from his mother mounts but is nervous/shy and doesn’t want to embarrass himself
• Privately Nia is feeling doubtful about the whole sting idea – her Dad’s been really nice lately and maybe he is changing?
• Luciana sees the little group beginning to split and has to get them all refocused again on the goal and reason (the con-landfill) – without revealing her personal relationship to Darrogh.
• Min suddenly sees that Nia might be the reason Shaunn wants to stay, but how to find out for sure?
• Nia is feeling besieged by Min and railroaded by Luciana but has no idea how to address that when confronted by their great confidence and strength so she gets mad with them both without saying why.
• And then she attacks Shaunn for not sticking up for her much to his confusion.
• Shaunn decides to confront his Mother once and for all by calling a meeting.
• Luciana and Min pull together – they need to control these young people, each for their own reasons – but know they have to begin by respecting their ‘feelings’ (whatever they are.) so they prepare to negotiate in the ‘meeting’.
• Nia and Shaunn realize they are stronger together and so under the banner of ‘friends’ (Nia’s comfort zone) and working to respect their elders’ ‘feelings’ (whatever they are) they prepare to negotiate next steps.
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Day 3: Subtext In Relationships – Assignment
Mike O – Subtext Relationship
What I learned doing this assignment is how staying focused on the subtext qualities automatically generates scenarios where the characters have to hide their true intentions from others in order to reach whatever goal or desire that is driving them.
1. Select three or more characters that will be in a relationship.
2. Write subtext loglines for each character, make sure their subtext interact w/ the other characters.
3. Put them in situations that will increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions.
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[I] The three characters that will be in a relationship:
(1) Brooklyn wants to be a famous painter;
(2) Tarek falls in love with her, wants Brooklyn to be his wife;
(3) Richard wants to con Brooklyn out of her father’s gallery, tries seducing her
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[II] Subtext loglines for each character:
(1) Brooklyn –talented artist who hungers for fame, for recognition and approval. She has a way to achieve fame, fortune and success, will she take it? (she is career-minded versus Tarek who is family-oriented)
(2) Tarek – attentive father who hungers for love, wants to be in love, desperate to find a wife for his sons.
(3) Richard – Womanizing sociopath who plans to steal the gallery from Brooklyn. He covets art, loves paintings, hides the fact he is a lousy painter and dropped out of famous art school. (Con-man versus their mark)
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[III] Situations that will increase their need to hide their true feelings/intentions/actions.
Brooklyn: (01) Learns her estranged father has passed, she is the executor and must go to a remote mountain town. (02) Discovers her father was wealthy, was a painter like her, and that he was well loved in the town. (03) Meets Richard at her father’s gallery. He was her dad’s assistant, an art connoisseur, very smart. (04) Attracted, Richard plays on her emotions, on the fact she didn’t know her dad at all. (05) Learns from Alan, her father’s attorney, that Richard wants the gallery and to be careful of him. (06) Realizes her mother lied to her about dad; worse, she returned all his letters that were addressed to her (07) An attractive man w/ two adorable small boys shows up on her father’s doorstep, it’s her dad’s friend. (08) Instant chemistry, she bonds with the younger son, Tyler, curly-headed cherub who is irrepressible. (09) Learns about Beth from Richard, assumes the worst; questions Tarek, he plays it off, she is put off (10) Decides to take Carolyn up on Iverson’s offer to meet with him. (11) She flies back to Chicago, meets w/ Mr. Iverson.
Tarek: (1) Surprised by Brooklyn’s beauty, her kindness and genuine love of children, he falls hard. (2) Beth, quasi girlfriend, shows up at Tarek’s cabin. Brandon texted her, match-making son. (3) Tries to distance himself from Beth, who owns local bakery. She assumes they are still an item. (4) Hides what he had with Beth from Brooklyn for fear of losing her. (5) Runs into Beth on the street while going to the gallery, chat, peck on the cheek – Brooklyn sees this.
Richard: (1) Insinuates himself into Brooklyn’s life soon as he meets her at the gallery. (2) Takes her to dinner on the pretext of catching her up to speed on the business. (3) Lies to Brooklyn about being her father’s partner, that the paperwork is in the office. (4) Having befriended Tarek when he first came to town, he knows about Beth, tells Brook in passing (5) Visits the bakery, tells Beth in passing that her partner’s daughter is in town, lets it slip re: Tarek (6) Frustrated, he vandalizes the gallery to force Brooklyn’s hand. It backfires on him. She’s now mad. (7) Consoles Brooklyn, tells her this hurts him, your father and I built this place, etc. lies all of it. (8)
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