Day 13 Assignments

[Phyllis Strong]

Phyllis Has Great Introductions

What I learned from this assignment was to use situation more in my intro of characters and tone more in my intro of the sub-world. As for irony, I put some in, but still not sure how to add it if the situation I’m describing isn’t ironic.

Character Intros

I let more of Sasha’s actions speak for themselves. Previously I mentioned she was consumed by work, but in the scene with her mentor, that becomes obvious.

I liked Duncan’s introduction from the previous lessons, but I did try to play with it. I ended up going back to the original (before the brainstorm).

I added more descriptors of tone to the introduction of Delia, making her an engaging public speaker while venting her anger in private.

World Intros

I added more urgency, threat, and anticipation to the tone. My description changes from Lesson 12 had already made huge improvements to this intro.

Irony

I added irony in one description of Sasha to communicate her downfall even more strongly. I deepened the irony of Sasha celebrating alone while her colleagues are holding a birthday party that she hasn’t been invited to. Also, the reveal that the activist billionaire and the Petroleum company CEO are brother and sister is ironic.

[Marcus Wolf]

Lesson 13

Marcus Has Great Introductions!

I learned a lot from this lesson about what really needs to go in descriptions and action lines. I now know that if you keep the descriptions intriguing yet relevant and precise, you improve greatly the chances that they won’t bore the readers and cause them to skip to dialog. My show has quite a bit of action, and I was worried about having too much text. But now that I know better how to write it properly, I’m a lot lees worried about how much I put in, and as a result, with just a few extra words or better choices of wording, here and there, I’ve got a much less dry and unengaging language.

I went through the entire script and rewrote everything I could using this lesson.