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Day 3 Assignments
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15 Replies
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Cameron Martin’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned doing this assignment is…following this checklist can help you make quick work of filtering through your ideas to find the best one. It came down to options 1, 3, and 5 pretty quickly, with my original opening checking all the boxes most expressively. I’m not gonna lie though, I really liked the opening I came up with that shows an argument between Sully and his wife in a dream sequence where Beth tries to kill him, and Sully wakes up in his bed alone. My only concern is whether or not it introduces the story world with as much intrigue as option 1, or if it checks the box for an “Atmosphere of Evil.” I’ve already written the original opening, and the only change I may make is giving Sully’s dialogue more of an arc, having him go from reassuring to apologizing, from feigning confidence to emotional breakdown. Still, for the sake of the exercise, I decided to write the argument opening to just see what I could come up with…
And, I kind of like it. On one hand, it introduces the central theme better, and presents a bigger spotlight on what the story’s going to be about. On the other hand, there’s barely anything shown that this takes place on an alien planet in the future. Apart from what a set designer comes up with, and a couple of lines, it doesn’t show what the feel is going to be from an action sense. But on the other hand (starting to sound like Tevye from FIDDLER ON THE ROOF) this is MUCH less expensive to shoot: three people max, one location, very little blocking, etc. It also contrasts beautifully with the final image between Sully and Isaiah side by side. I’ll keep this alternate opening for a while and see how it goes with the rest of this module.
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INT. SPACE COLONY – ISAIAH’S ROOM – NIGHT
A young boy with Asperger’s, ISAIAH, around the age of 12, lays in bed, holding his ears closed and humming to himself.
MAN (O.S.)
He’s fine.
WOMAN (O.S.)
He’s not fine. You can’t keep pushing him like this.
INT. SPACE COLONY – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
The man and woman arguing are SULLY and BETH.
SULLY
I’m pushing him no different than how I was pushed and prodded at his age, and look what it did for us. We’re pioneers, at the farthest reaches of space!
BETH
He’s not you, though.
SULLY
Bullshit! He’s MY son isn’t he?
BETH
What’s that supposed to mean?
SULLY
Stop. Don’t make this into something else.
BETH
Well, what am I making it into?
SULLY
You know exactly what you’re making it into. Stop it before—
BETH
(minor coughing)
Before what! What are you going to do? You can’t control me any batter than you control our son.
SULLY
Is he not my kid?—
BETH
He’s OUR kid—
SULLY
Well, we agree on something! He’s a kid. A stupid child that doesn’t know better! WE have to be the parents here!—
BETH
I am his parent!—
SULLY
I’m not saying you aren’t!—
BETH
(coughing intensifies)
And as his MOTHER, I know a hell of a lot more of what his needs are than you!
SULLY
Look, sweetheart—
BETH
Don’t you sweetheart me, you—
SULLY
You didn’t grow up as a dumb as a box of rocks BOY! Maybe girls are ready right out of the box, but as smart as he is, he’s still a boy who needs direction.
BETH
Boy’s are no more complicated than girls.
SULLY
Exactly!—
BETH
(quoting)
They’re like houseplants. You give them water and sunshine, and they’re good to go, remember?
SULLY
That’s not the—
BETH
(her mouth opening unnaturally wide with each cough)
That’s what you said. You joked about that for YEARS! Let me ask you, since you’re such a smart guy, have you seen ANYONE EVER get on to a HOUSEPLANT!?
SULLY
He’s a lot smarter than I ever was, which is why my expectations are so high! Now, take it easy—
BETH
WHY!? BECAUSE WE’RE OUT IN SPACE1? IS THAT THE EXCUSE AGAIN!?
Sully
There’s something wrong with you—
BETH
NO! THIS IS ABOUT YOU! THIS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SON! AND YOU’RE GOING FUCK IT UP!!
Beth’s mouth SPLITS at the seams, COATING her now visible molars in her own BLOOD.
Sully RUNS for it! The lights BLACK OUT as he breaks into…
ISAIAH’S ROOM
And SLAMS the door on Beth! The door QUAKES – the sound of Beth’s ENTIRE BODY THRASHING against the door…
Sully runs for the bed – the sheets still molding around the form of a young child…
BANG! BANG! BANG! – The door holds…
SULLY
Isaiah, wake up! We have to—
Sully turns the form under the covers over…Before the sheets COLLAPSE. Nobody’s in the bed.
The door opens WITHOUT A SOUND, as the lights come back on…Revealing Beth, with a torn smile carved across her cheeks.
SULLY
(turning around)
Beth, I’m so sorry. I tried—
Beth LUNGES for her husband, shredded mouth OPEN WIDE, RIPPING SULLY’S JUGULAR OUT!
INT. SPACE COLONY – SULLY’S ROOM – NIGHT
Sully jolts awake. He catches his breath as he eyes a portrait of Beth, smiling, happy. Tears begin to stream from his eyes as…
He lays on his side of the bed, ALONE, as though a void were resting where his wife should.
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Dev Ross – SCRIPT OPENINGS
What I learned from this I had accidentally begun the day before when I deleted a scene, knew I wanted to save it but couldn’t figure out where. For expediency, I put it at the top of my story. Then, it hit me! It was a very interesting way to start off my story! And now, with this assignment, I’m in creative wonder on how many choices I have and how each choice sets a very specific tone.
1. Set up Twist: Clay watches white supremacists marching on TV and condemns them. Recites bible. We think he’s a good man. Next scene, we see he’s actually a KLAN leader.
2. Intriguing scene from later in script: Start with Clay’s Grandfather, a Klan leader, holding a rally in their backyard. A cross burning. Seven-year-old Clay watches with admiration and wonder. His Grandfather is a god to him.
3. Plunge into Unique World: Start at Klan rally that resembles a good old fashioned country fair. Kids, rides, cotton candy, music, bands, flags, vendors. Here’s where I introduce Clay.
4. Action Opening: Show String Theory and how one’s string’s degradation is affecting the one next to it.
5. Contrast Opening: Cut back and forth between Clay and his rally and Lincoln at his. Then bring in String Theory Opening. As story unfolds, it would explain the alt rallies.
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Dev I think this is assignment 4?… mine #3 🤨 is different ..
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Dev Ross here – Thanks to Kate that I posted my assignment in the wrong place!
THIS IS MY FIRST FIVE PAGES where I learned ‘less is more.’
FADE IN:
EXT. CLAY CAINE’S HOME – SUMMER NIGHT
Trees sway in a light summer breeze around a modest but picturesque Southern home. A dim light comes from its basement and this from the television inside:
TV NEWS (O.S.)
(Crowd chanting)
Jews will not pervert us! Blacks will not subvert us!
As the chant continues, the breeze turns to gusts that whip the trees into a frenzied dance.
INT. CLAY CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
TV NEWS: Torch bearing marchers are led by youthful white supremacist leader ADAM SPENCER.
CLAY (O.S.)
Idiots following an idiot.
Counter protestors converge on them. Chaos.
CLAY CAINE sits in the dim of the TV. He sighs heavily, then–
WHAM! Wind slams his house with such force, TV blacks out, leaving him in the dark.
CLAY
Fuck.
EXT. LANGSTON FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Wind rattles through rusty carnival rides, balloons and VOTE banners are swept into spinning dust devils. Still, there’s quite a few people there – all white.
A little GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when the wind frees it and carries it off like a bobbing pink cloud. She chases after it when the now very visible Clay Caine, former marine, fit in his 50’s, snags it out of the air and then strides with it back to the girl. Clay likes being a hero. He also likes admiring her small comely form as she prances happily away.
EXT. STAGE – CONTINUOUS
A giant wind-ripped American flag flaps over the stage as the CONFEDERATES, a COUNTRY BAND gives up on their set in the punishing wind. They clear off when the wind takes a dramatic break. Nothing stirs but the grateful audience.
Now, Clay Caine makes his entrance. He hops up on the stage with a single bound. He rights the fallen microphone and looks at out his audience.
CLAY
Thank you, Lord, for diminishing this wind! For we shall be the calm before the storm!
He expected cheers but there are none.
CLAY (CONT’D)
Hey, I’m grateful to y’all for coming out to support me today! Especially with his crazy wind!
Sparse reaction.
CLAY
You know, I’m often asked why I’ve been called to lead and I answer: It’s because of you! It’s because this is our country!
Still not much audience reaction so he dials it up – dramatically points to the wind-ripped flag.
CLAY
And that is our flag!
Uneasy shuffling amongst the crowd. Clay paces.
CLAY
Do you know what the red on our flag stands for? Do you? It stands for our forefathers who were baptized in their own blood for our freedoms! Yours and mine, ladies and gentlemen! Yours and mine!
No response. Then… a lone voice calls out.
ADAM
Clay Caine!
It’s Adam Spencer from the TV.
ADAM SPENCER
You’re a WINO!
Clay searches the crowd, finds Adam.
CLAY
You’re wrong there, son, I don’t drink.
ADAM SPENCER
Dude! It’s a White Supremacist in Name Only!
(Turning to the crowd)
Listen to me everybody. This WINO is nothing but quid pro status quo!
(Directing the crowd to chant)
Quid pro status quo! Quid pro status quo!
It catches on.
CROWD
Quid pro, status quo! Quid pro, status quo!
As the crowd chants, the wind rises. Clay yells his response soundlessly against it while Adam stands, arms wide, to embrace the gale. The chanting crowd hoists Adam onto the stage then physically removes Clay, tossing him off the stage into the dirt.
CROWD
Adam! Adam! Adam!
Adam looks down at Clay.
ADAM
The Klan’s dead, old man! Long live the Sons of Patriots!
Clay looks up at the stage, his stage, his people, usurped by Adam. He turns his gaze to the sky where the wind swirls up and up and up…
EXT. SPACE – CONTINOUS
The black of space, the light of stars when thousands of pulsating worlds come humming into view like harp strings.
String Theory.
Vibrantly healthy strings existing next to those dimming. Some spiral to their deaths, sucked into black holes.
Then: Bursts of radiant light herald the birth of new strings.
Among these multiverses, one STRING frays like the split ends caused by overbleached hair. Like a cancer spreading, its ragged tendrils breach a neighboring string…
EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
A country fair with all the fixings. GOSEL MUSIC ON STAGE, folks, mostly black, milling about…
COTTON CANDY STAND – A LITTLE GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when a very out of the blue SURGE OF WIND carries it off. She chases after it when former teacher, still fit in his 50’s, black man, LINCOLN ABLE, snags it out of the air. He jogs back with it back to the little girl just as he hears his name being chanted over the wind.
CROWD (O.S.)
Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
Lincoln gives her a smile, then heads off through the bluster towards a STAGE festooned with a giant waving American flag. A GET OUT THE VOTE poster twirls in the wind.
EXT. STAGE – MOMENTS LATER
Lincoln strides up and grabs the microphone to the crowds’ approval.
LINCOLN
Hey, y’all!
He ducks the errant GET OUT THE VOTE poster that blows past.
LINCOLN
Whoa! Where’d this wind come from? Let’s try that again! Hey, y’all!
Cheers and response. All good.
LINCOLN
Who out there is registered to vote?
Hands raise.
LINCOLN
Now who isn’t?
No one raises their hands.
LINCOLN
C’mon now, fess up.
More than a few raise their hands.
LINCOLN
So y’all are registering today, right?
They cheer that they are when…
YOUNG BLACK WOMAN
Why don’t you run, Lincoln?
CROWD
Yeah! Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
Over the wind…
LINCOLN
Nah, nah, now, I’m just here to…
But the wind steals his words as it travels up and up…
INT. CLAY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING
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DAY 3 – The Rules for a Great Opening
Lisa’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned is that a script is built like a house. Sometimes you work from the front to back, sometimes from back to front, and sometimes anywhere within.
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FADE UP
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY
UNDER THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
It is a frightening night. Thunder and lightning and pouring cats & dogs. The rocky river below the bridge is running fast. We see two figures hanging by a rope off the bridge. They appear to be tied together. The MAN dressed in a white robe like an angel, is passed out and just dangling from the other MAN. No wait! The other figure is a WOMAN. She’s trying to pull up the MAN to get a better grip on him but he’s dead weight. We close in on the WOMAN who turns to the camera and breaks the fourth wall.
WOMAN
They say when you’re near death, your life flashes before you, I’m dangling here wondering what will happen to my family if I don’t get out of this. Especially since the passed-out guy below me is my husband. What would happen if I weren’t here?
She looks down at the MAN.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
And how do you save a war hero?
Mary’s cell phone rings. She digs for it under her life jacket. She answers the call and speaks as though nothing is wrong.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
I can’t talk now, sweetie.
The woman hangs up and stuffs the phone back into her life jacket. The rope jerks! She looks up at the rope but can’t see anything through the torrential rain.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
Well, this is what I do. (yelling) I’m a mother in America!
The woman throws her arms out and lets the rain fall.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
Like all mothers, I work my ass off every day to convince everyone around me, and sometimes myself, that it really is a wonderful li…
Snap! The rope breaks and the woman and man fall out of view of the camera
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
…iiiiiife!!
FADE OUT
SLOW FADE IN SHOWS EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-DAY
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
We recognize this voice as the voice of the WOMAN hanging from the bridge.
SHOTS OF MAIN STREET DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
There’s even a fake sign on the way into town which reads “You are entering Bedford Falls.” For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it. Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
There are people walking around town and going in and out of the buildings, but they’re all in summer clothing. It’s hot in December!
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
Well, the church marks the end of Main Street, except if you look across the way you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
SHOT OF THE FRONT OF THE IAWL MUSEUM
SHOT OF THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
Oh no. There it is the George Bailey bridge sitting in the middle of town and haunting us every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
CUT TO SHOT OF THE STREET WHERE WOMAN LIVES. OVER OPENING CREDITS.
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
There is the street where I live. I’m Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York. I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a winery-worker, a community activist, a volunteer firefighter…and an ex.
MOVE SLOWLY DOWN THE ROW OF OLD VICTORIAN HOMES
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
But the one thing I always wanted to be I am not. A world traveler. Before I could read, I would live under the covers with my mom’s copy of National Geographic magazine. Staring at incredible photos of faraway lands and pledging that I would see for myself whatever escape was featured each week.
SHOT OF MARY’SHOUSE
Two girls in t-shirts and shorts and a dachshund are running around the lawn.
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
After I graduated from high school, I was ready to start my journeys. Then I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Peter and I decided we wanted the baby, so I deferred my traveling dreams. I had Ruthie whom now I wouldn’t trade for the world, literally. Or Janie who came two years later.
MOVE INTO MARY’S HOUSE THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
Mary’s house is a beautifully remodeled old Victorian with all the details, but with a modern touch…think a Nancy Meyers film set.
INT-MARY’S KITCHEN-DAY
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
I still dream of far-off places. My daughters often ask where I go when I stare into space. I’m in New Zealand or in India or on safari in Africa. When I’m dreaming of the world, I often think of the quote from Helen Keller, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Sometimes my life feels like nothing at all.
Mary speaks directly into the camera breaking the fourth wall again.
MARY
(Holding a pan of hot Christmas cookies)
But then I snap out of it and focus on Aristotle who said that “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” So, with my feet firmly planted here in Seneca Falls, I’m focusing on the light of Christmas.
Mary holds up the cookies to the camera. Then looks around where every surface in the kitchen is covered with Christmas treats: cookies, cakes, pies, candies.
MARY
And along with the other Christmas man Santa Claus, I try to see everyone and make miracles happen for them.
Mary puts down the cookies and goes to the front screen door. She yells outside.
MARY
Girls, Uncle Billy! Breakfast!
Mary has just prepared breakfast and is clearing a spot on the table to put it for her daughters. Mary stops and looks at her mother’s photo on the wall over the table. Mary’s mother died early in the year. RUTHIE, a smart and wise 9-year-old and JANIE, a sensitive and kind 7-year-old enter singing their version of “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” which goes, “I want a pretty platypus for Christmas” at the top of their lungs. Uncle Billy, their dachshund barks at them as though he’s singing along. Ruthie has her laptop under her arm.
MARY
(smiling) That is not how the song goes.
RUTHIE
Yeah, but we like platypus’s better!
JANIE
Yeah!
Janie holds up her stuffed platypus.
MARY
Okay, if you day so.
The girls take their seats and Mary places their breakfasts of toast and eggs on the table. Uncle Billy goes over to his bowl in the corner and eats too.
MARY (CONTINUED)
No computers at the table, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
I know, but it’s not working right. I can’t find Santa on the site.
MARY
I’ll take a look at it. You eat.
Mary opens the laptop and sees Ruthie was on the NORAD site. Mary sees a message on the top of the site that states Santa may be delayed in departing the North Pole. This is very odd because the site always starts Santa’s voyage on the 23<sup>rd</sup> of December, today.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Hmm. This is strange. I don’t think it’s the computer.
Mary doesn’t want to worry the girls about it.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Let’s give it another day and we’ll see if Santa starts his journey tomorrow.
RUTHIE
(disappointed) Okay, mom.
MARY
That reminds me. (Looking at her phone) I need to call your father to see if he’s coming over for Christmas.
Mary puts her phone down and gets serious.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Look girls. I don’t think we can count on your dad for Christmas.
RUTHIE
What do you mean?
JANIE
(getting anxious) He’s coming, isn’t he?
MARY
Well, I want to be honest with you…I’m not sure. He’s been unpredictable lately. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.
Janie hangs her head and Ruthie has a mad look come over her face.
MARY (CONTINUED)
BUT! We are going to have the best Christmas ever with Joseph!
RUTHIE
(half-heartedly) Sure.
JANIE
It’s not the same without daddy.
They sit in silence. Mary’s not sure what to say next.
MARY
You like Joe, don’t you?
RUTHIE
He’s nice.
Janie shakes her head yes.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Then we are going to make the best of whatever situation we have this Christmas. Don’t you think your grandmother would agree with that?
Mary looks at the photo of her mother on the wall. The girls look at it too.
MARY (CONTINUED)
She always said, “Christmas comes but once a year, so make it a wonderful one!”
Mary clears some dishes. Janie goes over to Ruthie and sits in her seat with her. Mary looks at their sad faces and has to turn those frowns upside down.
MARY
So! I think I have two hours to spare today when I don’t have to work on the festival. What would you like to do?
JANIE AND RUTHIE
Ice skating!!
MARY
Well, I don’t know if you want to go with me. You know I was pretty good when I was your ages, young ladies.
JANIE
Please!!
RUTHIE
Come on, mom!
MARY
I did promise Annie I’d meet up with her. I guess we’ll have to go to the rink since it’s so hot.
Janie and Ruthie stare with anticipation. Mary takes an extra beat to make them wait. She likes the attention from them!
MARY (CONTINUED)
Okay! But I think we must have a race across the rink to see who is the fastest. Are you interested?
JANIE
Sure am!
RUTHIE
I’m going to beat you both! HA! HA!
They race around the table while Uncle Billy jumps up and barks at them.
MARY
Alright! Go upstairs and get ready.
Ruthie and Janie run out of the room and up the staircase. Uncle Billy stares at Mary.
MARY
You too, Uncle Billy!
Uncle Billy runs up the stairs too.
FADE OUT
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June Fortunato’s opening scene is irresistible! Day 3 of openings
What I learned. I struggled with this because my screenplay is written, and I want to fix other parts of the screenplay. My ending, for example, is still weak and I need to insert setups in the body to fix my ending.
My opening already clicks all of the criteria. Adding scenes kill the tone and weaken the impact of the surprises in the opening scene. Intercutting scenes from other parts of the screenplay kills the momentum and don’t make sense with the current action.
Frustrating assignment.
Nonetheless, I’m posting a new version with am addition of voices in black at the beginning to satisfy this assignment. Bottom line, though – Start late. Jump in. Less is more. Contrivances are contrivances and old school.
OVER BLACK
“1972”
JOE (V.O.) Fugazi. Moron. Chumpface. You enLISTED? If I could get out of this, I would. Why you gotta follow me everywhere?
ROY (V.O.) We’re compadres. Amigos. Buds for life.
JOE (V.O.) Yeah? Well we’re both gonna die in that jungle. We’re not gonna get home.
“50 YEARS LATER”
Fade In
EXT. SUZY’S RENTAL – SPRING, 2022 – LATE AFTERNOON Roy, late 60s, scruffy despite the “interview blazer” he wears, wiry dude with nervous energy, tries the front door. Locked. He knocks.
ROY Suzy? Oh Suzy-Q! Yo yo. Open open! Your Mr. Man is here!
No response. He leans his ear to the door. He knocks. Then he sings through the door to the Beatle’s tune of “Honeypie.”
ROY (sung) Suzy-Q. You are driving me crazy. And you think I am lazy.. but won’t you let me come home?
Silence. He hunts the yard for flowers (weeds) fists a bouquet and holds it up to a window at the top of the door.
EXT/INT SUZY’S RENTAL – CONTINUOUS
ROY (sung) Oh Suzy-Q. I am freezing my ass off. And I long to be near you. So won’t you let me come in?
Silence.
ROY (spoken) Babydoll. I’m sorry for … whatever I did. Said. I dunno.
Pause.
Come on honey. Let me rub your aching little feet. Let old Roy make it right like I do. …. Your Mr. Roy reporting.. at your command…. Very cold out here. Cold.
Nada. He shuffles around the side of the house and lights a fire in the grill to warm himself. He keeps looking up at the house.
EXT./INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – NIGHT It’s dark. Fire’s gone down. He smashes his mug into the window and makes weird faces to make her laugh. Nothing. He slips the window open, steps onto the dying grill, and slides himself inside.
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – NIGHT Cleared out. A few straggles of his clothes are on the floor. He knows what to do. He drags the fridge to retrieve his hidden; worn-out box. Inside: a knife, his dog-tags and something shiny with a ribbon; wrapped in a bandana. And a note. From Suzy. It reads:
SUZY (V.O.) You know this is hard for me but I can’t do this anymore. Take care of yourself you dope and don’t do anything stupid. Oh, and this medal? So. Get your benefits. Not that anyone can tell you what to do. Roy. I’m out. Take care.
Roy is surprised that Suzy knows. It shakes him. Then he gathers himself and gets to it. He fills the tub and slips into the bath. He shaves off his beard and stares at himself.
ROY Yo asshole. Haven’t seen you in a while.
Wrapped in the clothes he uses as towels, he locates a few hidden tools under the sink: screwdriver, multitool, gloves. He sets everything out. His shoes. His box. He puts his coat by the window. He’s ready.
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – DAWN Roy sleeps in the hallway, clothes packed around him and piled on top of him when a key turns the lock. Roy bolts awake. The landlord enters with a crowbar in his hand. Two cleaning ladies lean in behind the landlord to catch a glimpse of Roy.
LANDLORD Get out.
ROY Goooooood morning!
LANDLORD Out.
ROY Yo, let a man take a morning dump, would ya?
Roy sprints into the bathroom and locks the door. The landlord tries the bathroom door. To the cleaning ladies:
LANDLORD Go ahead and start in the kitchen.
The landlord hears Roy whistling the Beatles tune, “We Can Work It Out” through the door.
LANDLORD I’m not as patient as Nurse Suzy. You got one minute and I bust down the door.
Roy gathers his tools puts on his shoes, and talks while he opens the window.
ROY And ruin this nice house? Don’t do that, Joe. It’s Joe, right? I had a friend name a Joe once….. He died.
LANDLORD Get the fuck out you mooch. I lost a great tenant because of you.
Roy shimmies through the window, calling back:
ROY Joe. Joe. You gotta work on your windows, man. Wax the sashes.
and runs to the beat-up cleaning van.
EXT. SUZY’S RENTAL & CLEANING VAN – CONTINUOUS Roy slides into the van and rams the screwdriver into the ignition.
ROY Come on old girl… Make it rain.
He gets it to turn over, and backs out as
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – MORNING – CONTINUOUS The landlord pounds on the bathroom door.
LANDLORD Yo. Get out. Now!
The landlord forces the door as the van pulls onto the road. Joe finds the window open and a pile of beard clippings on the floor.
INT./EXT. – VAN – CONTINUOUS Totally wired, leaning on the filthy steering wheel, ROY forces the accelerator to the floor freaking out every other car who dodges the maniac; swerves and pulls over.
ROY Yeah baby! Rock em sock em! Step aside Uncle Roy knows how to fly!
Sirens behind. Roy looks back at them.
ROY That’s the plan! Free room and board comin up from behind. Watch out guys, old Roy’s coming in for a landing.
EXT./INT. PIGGLY WIGGLY – CONTINUOUS He swerves into a cordoned off wall of a PIGGLY WIGGLY and jumps into the back of the van just before he slams into the building. Nobody’s hurt but the front of the van now looks at the sausage counter inside.
ROY Hot dang! I ain’t felt that good since I blew up the ammo hut in Nam. Fuckers exploded for
hours!
Roy slides back into the driver’s seat as The MANAGER of the Piggly Wiggly runs out waving his arms – and PEOPLE with coffee cups scream at him – The COP CAR parks sideways behind him and TWO COPS jump out – GUNS aimed. Still at the wheel, Roy rehearses:
ROY Officer, Officers, a man needs his java-bean. So sorry, but I seem to have mistakenly hit something. I can’t see shit with these eyes – I’m a veteran, Yes, sir, fucked up. Nam.
Two officers approach. Roy puts his hands up.
ROY Hell, you’re just a young pup. Pop that zit, son. So where do I get my coffee?
-
Dev Ross – OPENINGS – FIRST FIVE PAGES:
What I learned from this is that I can rely even more heartily on images and well-chosen brevity to set up my story. Just needed to let the six rules sink in first!
FADE IN:
EXT. CLAY CAINE’S HOME – SUMMER NIGHT
A picturesque Southern home surrounded by massive shade trees. Then, from inside…
TV NEWS (O.S.)
Jews will not pervert us! Blacks will not subvert us!
Sudden strong WINDS whip the trees into a frenzied dance.
TV NEWS (O.S.)
Jews will not pervert us! Black will not subvert us!
INT. CLAY CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
CLAY CAINE sits in dim light; his face moving in and out of the shadows created by the action playing on the TV.
CLAY
Idiots following an idiot.
THE NEWS: Twenty-something ADAM SPENCER leads his torch carrying protestors down a city street. A mob of counter protestors converge on them. The WIND takes a break and then–WHAM! — slams the house so fiercely, the TV blacks out. Clay’s left in the dark.
CLAY
Fuck.
EXT. LANGSTON FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Wind rattles through rusty carnival rides, balloons and VOTE banners are swept into spinning dust devils.
A little GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when the wind frees it and carries it off like a bobbing pink cloud. She chases after it when the now very visible Clay Caine, former marine, fit at 50, snags it out of the air and then strides with it back to the girl. Clay likes being a hero. He also likes admiring her small comely form as she prances happily away.
EXT. STAGE – CONTINUOUS
A giant wind-ripped American flag flaps over the stage as a COUNTRY BAND finishes their set to applause and whistles.
The unrelenting wind takes a break for the band to clear — and for Clay to make his entrance. He hops onto the stage with a single bound, strides to the microphone.
CLAY
Thank you, Lord, for diminishing this wind! For we shall be the calm before the storm!
Just a sparse reaction. Clay notes this.
CLAY
You know, I’m often asked why I have been called to lead and I answer: It’s because of you! It’s because this is our country!
A lukewarm response so he dials it up, dramatically points to the wind-ripped flag.
CLAY
And this is our flag!
Uneasy shuffling amongst the crowd. Clay paces.
CLAY
Do you know what the red on our flag stands for? It stands for our forefathers who were baptized in their own blood for our freedoms! Yours and mine, ladies and gentlemen! Yours and mine!
Not much reaction when — a lone voice calls out–
ADAM SPENCER
Clay Caine!
It’s Adam Spencer from the TV.
ADAM SPENCER
You’re a WINO!
CLAY
You’re wrong there, son, I don’t drink.
Adam scoffs.
ADAM SPENCER
Dude! It’s a White Supremacist in Name Only!
The crowd enjoys this, laughs.
ADAM SPENCER
Listen to me, everybody. This man is quid pro status quo!
A YOUNG WOMAN picks up his chant and it catches on like wildfire.
YOUNG WOMAN
Quid pro status quo! Quid pro status quo!
CROWD
Quid pro, status quo! Quid pro, status quo!
As the crowd chants, the wind kicks up, forcing Clay to yell soundlessly against it while Adam stands, arms wide, to embrace the gale. The chanting crowd hoists Adam onto the stage and — removes Clay, literally tossing him into the dirt.
CROWD
Adam! Adam! Adam!
Clay looks up at the stage now taken by Adam and then up at the sky as the wind swirls up and up and up…
EXT. SPACE – CONTINOUS
Nothing but the black of space and the light of stars when thousands of pulsating worlds appear like tremoring harp strings. String Theory.
Some show signs of dimming, while others’ death cycle ends when they’re sucked into bottomless black holes. Then – rebirth! Bursts of radiant light bringing new strings.
One STRING fights for its life but is fraying like the split ends on overbleached hair. These split ends already breach a healthier neighboring string like a spreading cancer…
EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
The wind rattles through rusty carnival rides, balloons and banners are swept into spinning dust devils.
COTTON CANDY STAND – A LITTLE GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when the wind carries it off. She chases after it when LINCOLN ABLE, a former teacher, still fit in this 50’s, and a BLACK MAN, snags it out of the air, jogs back with it back to the little girl just as he hears his name being chanted over the wind.
CROWD (O.S.)
Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
Lincoln gives her a smile, then heads off towards a STAGE festooned with a giant American flag. A GET OUT THE VOTE whips by.
EXT. STAGE – MOMENTS LATER
Lincoln strides up and grabs the microphone to the crowds’ approval.
LINCOLN
Hey, y’all!
Cheers!
LINCOLN
Who out there is registered to vote?
Hands raise.
LINCOLN
Now who isn’t?
No one raises their hands.
LINCOLN
C’mon now, fess up.
More than a few raise their hands.
LINCOLN
So y’all registering today?
They cheer that they are when A YOUNG WOMAN encourages to join her chant.
YOUNG WOMAN
Lincoln! Lincoln!
CROWD
Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
As the wind carries the sound of their chanting up into the air…
-
Anna Harper’s First Five Pages. Day 3
What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?
I think the opening which initially I absolutely did not want to use, works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.
EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY
SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.
Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.
On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s A teen aged boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.
He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.
EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY
SOPHIE
Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something mysterious. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.
SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY
Lifts head barely
Bill, Bill.
Grunts coughs
SOPHIE
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his arms.
Do you want water, I have some here?
BILL
Bill slumps back over.
SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?
MAN
Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.
SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.
SOPHIE
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back!
She starts vigourous CPR..
A crowd is forming.
Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.
Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?
Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.
MEDIC 1
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.
MEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.
MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.
SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in shock and disbelief. She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE
Struggling to talk.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.
SANDY
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.
SITUATION
A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy
PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.
PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.
Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates. Alfie is sad and wants a reunion with Cocoa and Pirate.
SCENE
MUSIC UP
ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE
ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY
EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY
Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.
SOPHIE
We need to have a chat Sandy.
SANDY
IRRITABLE TONE OF VOICE
There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?
SOPHIE
It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.
SANDY
It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.
PIRATE
Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.
SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.
SOPHIE
It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, happier than I have been in ages.
SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.
SANDY
Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORARATATIVE tone of voice.
You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.
SOPHIE
I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!
SANDY
WHINING
I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!
SOPHIE
Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo.
SANDY
Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house, my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!
SOPHIE
ANGRY FED UP
That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!
SANDY
Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. .
SOPHIE
Sophie unties the red balloon.
SANDY
WHINY TONE
Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.
SOPHIE
Stands, HANDS-ON -HIPS using a CONFRONTATIONAL tone
You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?
SANDY
Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.
SOPHIE
Sophie GRABS them away from him.
SANDY
PISSED OFF-TONE
This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand all over, gross, and getting into my dentures! This bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up!
SOPHIE
VERY ANGRY TONE
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SOD YOU AND YOUR BLOODY DENTURES! It’s you who is impossible! We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.
SANDY
CONDESCENDINGLY
My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.
SOPHIE
I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.
SANDY
LOSES IT, ANGRY
Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.
SOPHIE
Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. I know nothing about farming or homeless youth. I’ll learn as I go. It’ll be a grand adventure!
Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?
SANDY
INCREDULOUS
Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?
EXT. BEACH/SUNSET
SOPHIE
Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by anna harper.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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KATES Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned from this assignment is that employing those points can enliven an old scene, and give rise to a new one and,as always when a new ‘work’ is made, further develop the characters.
OPENING 5 PAGES (and one line)
Contrast Opening
EXT. A MEXICAN-STYLE HACIENDA PATIO – EARLY EVENING
In Southern CA, still warm, with the outdoor cooking area in full use.
LUCIANA SANCHEZ, a 5’3 s-curve of a woman, with 50 years of hard-scrabble life worn like a banner, wielding a flamenco-inflected voice and topped by an untamed black mane of hair is both on her cellphone and making tortillas.
LUCIANA
Si! Si! El es imposible! Un completo bastardo!
She swiftly turns some tortillas as she listens intently.
LUCIANA
Lo sé, es malvado. Y si, estoy haciendo tortillas.
She laughs.
LUCIANA
Por supuesto que sí. Come eat, manana. Nosotras podemos tramar un plan.
She is scooping the fresh tortillas out into a wicker basket. HADES her black Mexican Hairless dog strolls over to investigate. She energetically shoos him away.
LUCIANA
No para ti – vete!
The dog barely moves away as Luciana picks up the basket of tortillas.
LUCIANA
No, estaba hablando con Hades. Oh your Spanish is much better! You managed that entire conversation.
As she bangs through the screen door, she laughs again.
LUCIANA
Si. In English, I promise. Manana – we make the plan. Darrogh will not destroy us. On the grave de mi abuelo. Adiós por ahora.
She puts the phone down. Hades has slipped in after her and she absently gives him a piece of the tortilla she is nibbling and rubs his ears. Her face hardens in determination, even as her eyes are soft with tears.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – THAT SAME EVENING
A brightly painted red, white and blue old school bus, with a load on the roof and small trailer also packed high, drives up the dirt track and parks near a stand of oak-trees.
Eight young people (20s)emerge in various states of disarray, carrying bags and backpacks, stretching and yawning. It has been a long drive.
Two begin to unpack the trailer, the rest are wandering toward the trees. One is sprinting ahead as the others laugh.
Out of the bus comes a young Asian-American man (SHAUNN) with a backpack, stepping backwards and calling into the bus.
SHAUNN
Come on Nia. You’ll feel better if you just get up and come out here.
He stops and leans in.
SHAUNN
Good girl! See? Better, right?
He steps back off the steps holding out his hand. A many be-ringed hand clutching a blue towel, attached to a long, slender, purple-sleeved arm, reaches for his outstretched hand and a young elf of a woman, (half black/half white), steps onto the bottom step.
Draped in an over-sized purple cardigan, hanging half-off a faded red T with the words ‘Mother-f–’ on it, over pink flannel PJs decorated with black puppies barely holding on to her tiny hips, NIA is not feeling well.
A weave of wild, dreadlocked, reddish hair is loosely tied up into a dangerously unstable knot on her head, mirroring the large red clogs on her feet.
She misses Shaunn’s hand and topples off the step onto the grass.
Nia lies on her back, eyes closed, the blue towel to her mouth.
SHAUNN
Shit, Nia. Are you alright?
NIA
Do I look alright?
SHAUNN
You look like crap, cute crap but crap.
Nia opens her eyes as he looks down at her.
NIA
Thank you. I think I’m going to throw up.
She rolls over quickly and barfs (a little, quietly) into the towel. Shaunn sighs and holds back the teetering dreads.
SHAUNN
Now do you feel better?
NIA
Um, not sure yet.
Starts to sit up.
NIA
Oops!
More quiet barfing.
SHAUNN
I’m impressed. You do that very quietly.
Nia nods, her head still over the towel.
SHAUNN
Practice I guess. How many times this tour?
Nia holds up 4 fingers still not looking at him.
SHAUNN
That all? Seems like many more.
Nia closes her fist and holds up 4 more.
SHAUNN
That’s what I thought. It’s been one of the joys of traveling with you, Nia.
Nia finally sits up and looks at him, through makeup-smudged eyes.
NIA
That and I’m really good on stage.
SHAUNN
Especially as a raccoon.
Nia gives him the finger.
SHAUNN
How are you doing?
Nia sighs. This is a regular thing with her. She is used to it and recovers fast.
NIA
Oh, you know. Give me a minute. Sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that for the last hour. You got any water?
Shaunn helps her sit up, carefully avoiding the towel.
SHAUNN
In my backpack.
As he searches for the water bottle, Nia from her seated position propped up against the wheel of the bus, stows the towel under the step and looks around.
NIA
This is sweet! Worth those terrible curves. Why does Susan drive so damned fast?
She takes in the view. A bucolic field, still with a greenish tinge due to the stands of huge spreading oak-trees.
NIA
Oh! This is… like nothing I’ve seen before.
She is inspired to stand.
SHAUNN
Yep! In 3 months on the road bringing live theatre to rural communities-
Nia digs him in the ribs.
NIA
Shaunn! You sound like a commercial.
SHAUNN
I wrote it, remember? And I still can’t believe it! Making a living doing something I love, seeing places I didn’t know existed. Amazing summer.
NIA
(wistfully)
And it’s not over – yet. There’s still time…
Shaunn looks at her. He knows what she’s thinking .(She has been half-hoping maybe one of these places will be where her long absent father is.)
SHAUNN
(gently)
Yes. You never know who’ll come around the corner.
Nia shakes off the mood and smiles brightly.
NIA
I need to rinse my mouth. Where’s that water bottle? Can’t wait to meet the locals! Got a feeling about this place!
Shaunn hands her the water and watches her with amusement as she rinses vigorously.
SHAUNN
You and those feelings!
NIA
(spitting)
Seriously – this last town? Gonna be spectacular!
She grins and hands back the water bottle. There are shouts from the rest of the troupe who are setting up camp.
NIA
Come on – set up camp time.
-
Anna Harpers Amazing Opening Scene DAY 3
PIRATE (episode 2 of 3 part series)
Written by Anna Harper
What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?
I think the opening (which initially I absolutely did not want to use,) works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.
SITUATION
SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.
Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.
EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY
SOPHIE
Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.
SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY
Lifts head, barely
Bill, Bill.
Grunts coughs
SOPHIE
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welts of flea bites covering his arms.
Do you want water, I have some here?
BILL
Bill slumps back over.
SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?
MAN
Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.
SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.
SOPHIE
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back!
She starts VIGOROUS CPR.
A crowd is forming.
Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.
Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?
Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.
MEDIC 1
STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.
MEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.
MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.
SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE
Struggling to talk, crying.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am at St.Agness outside on the wall.
SANDY
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.
SITUATION
A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy
PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.
PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.. Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermate
SCENE
MUSIC UP
ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE
ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY
EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY
Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.
SOPHIE
We need to have a chat SANDY.
SANDY
There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?
SOPHIE
UPBEAT It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.
SANDY
ANGRY
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.
PIRATE
Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.
SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.
SOPHIE
It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, much happier than I have been in ages.
SANDY is SULKING wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket.
SANDY
Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORITATIVE tone of voice.
You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.
SOPHIE
I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!
SANDY
I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!
SOPHIE
LOUDLY ARGUING
Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo!
SANDY
PISSED OFF
Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!
SOPHIE
That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!
SANDY
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Gets up and starts to fold the chairs.
SOPHIE
Sophie unties the red balloon.
SANDY
SPEAKING IN A WHINY TONE
Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.
SOPHIE
Stands, hands-on-hips, CONFRONTATIONAL tone of voice.
You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning; playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?
SANDY
Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.
SOPHIE
Sophie GRABS them away from him.
SANDY
This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand sprinkled on them, this bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up
SOPHIE
It’s you who is impossible. We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.
SANDY
SARCASTICALLY My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.
SOPHIE
I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.
SANDY
HORRIFIED Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time!
SOPHIE
Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth, though I haven’t really got a clue about farming or homeless youth, I’ll learn as I go. It will be a new adventure.
Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. TALKS SWEETLY TO PIRATE Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?
SANDY
Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?
EXT. BEACH/SUNSET
SOPHIE
Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon,and plays with Pirate.
-
PS81 Day 3 (First 10 Pages) Anita’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!
What I learned: I added two elements to what I had previously thought of as a really good, solid opening. Now there is the prequel moment where we see Cyrus having hotel sex with an anonymous woman (not his wife and not Danica). Then, during the childbirth (original opening scene) we hear Harley’s V.O. musing about how she could have died that day (and maybe should have) – but not yet revealing this voice isn’t Danica, the birth mother under duress, but the child, Harley. I keep worrying that I am over-writing this. That it is becoming too formulaic. It will be good to get feedback!!
ASSIGNMENT
Write an opening scene that follows the Rules of a Great Opening.
Rule 1: Be provocative. (Illicit Sex)
Rule 2: Either the main character or the antagonist or both should be introduced within the first 5 pages, preferably on the first page. (Cyrus; then Danica)
Rule 3: Make sure it is fresh. (both the steamy sex and the baby’s birth seem dangerous and anonymous)
Rule 4: The opening must fit the story. (Affair = unplanned baby)
Rule 5: The opening must create story questions. (Why is this married man having sex in a hotel, and with whom? Who is giving birth? Does the woman die? Who is the narrator?)
Rule 6: The opening introduces the “story world” with some unique action. (Current day. Middle-to-upper class professional people in intense circumstances that have to do with the consequences of sex.)
4. Write the scene.
First opening scene(s), or 3 pages of: ‘LIFE CHOICES’
FADE IN:
INT. UPSCALE HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
A COUPLE are in the throes of hot sex. We only see glimpses: A woman’s unadorned left hand bunching the sheets in passion; A man’s back beaded in sweat. His left hand runs through her long brown hair offsetting the gold glint of his wedding ring.
Ecstatic MOANS, and then he collapses his full weight on the willowy 20-something.
We don’t see her face as she unceremoniously shoves him off, but we get our first look of CYRUS KILNER’s 30-something fine-looking, satisfied face.
CYRUS
You available this time next week?
CUT TO:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
A WOMAN is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well.
The room is large enough to hold a team of doctors but still feels crowded by the kinetic energy of SEVERAL NURSES, an OB/GYN, and A PEDIATRIC SPECIALIST – all buzzing around the room, alongside a waiting incubator.
But there is no partner, relative, or friend helping the woman through the ultimate intimacy of giving birth.
The medical team’s intense movements are choreographed in such a way that we never see the woman’s face, only that she has short blonde hair.
HARLEY (UNSEEN) NARRATES (V.O.)
I could have died that day.
(beat)
And maybe I should have.
OB/GYN
Page the anesthesiologist! I think we’re looking at an emergency C-section.
WOMAN
NO!
She SCREAMS in agony.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can do this!
Another intense contraction hits her and the woman pushes with grunts and gritted teeth.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
AAAHHHH!
OB/GYN
You might be willing but your system is under a huge amount of stress. You might lose the remaining kidney function if we don’t –
WOMAN
(in pain)
Nooo — !!!
As he speaks the <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> grabs the short stool and swivels into position between her stirrup-ed knees to check her progress.
OB/GYN
We talked about this….
The woman SCREAMS again, giving another mighty push.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Okay… it looks like we’re having it your way, the baby’s crowning –
The already lively room swings into immediate action.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Ok, give me one more push!
She does, and after a moment of collectively held breath we hear an infant’s thin wail.
The <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> hands the baby over to the waiting pediatrician for assessment.
A nurse tends to the mother…
NURSE
(alarmed)
Doctor, she’s unconscious!
CUT TO:
SUPER: 7 Months Ago
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Matthew Frendo’s Opening Scene is Irresistible!
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a strong opening scene that covers all of the requirements. This will make my openings more impactful and interesting for the audience.
For the scene, I mixed the shocking opening with the contrast and plunge into world of story openings.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The HOST is the only thing illuminated on a black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper.
HOST
–and here we are. The two most vicious gang leaders are about to meet up for the final time. Both of their gangs have been annihilated in the conflict. And now–
INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT
Two hulking gang members, tattooed from head to toe, step up to each other in a messy hallway. PACO and SPENCER look each other up and down.
HOST (V.O.)
–what will happen next?
The two square off, then they both break down into near hysterics.
PACO
Man, bro, this is some crazy shit! I never seen nothing like this before!
SPENCER
They all got ripped apart. Every single one.
PACO
Fuck, this ain’t like inside.
SPENCER
No, man, I just want to go home.
PACO
We don’t have much time left. Maybe if we work together, we can make it out–
But then they hear it. A low, moaning growl.
They both turn their heads to Paco’s right…and they freeze.
Just outside the door is a massive, dark shape. It growls ominously, as it looks at them.
They stand, frozen, just watching.
SPENCER
It’s too late.
PACO
I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.
Then the dark shape roars and attacks–
The two dip down a hallway, slipping as they go.
SPENCER
We gotta get into a room.
Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.
They start running again.
PACO
There’s nowhere to–
CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Paco’s legs left behind in its wake, body torn apart.
Spencer gets to a wall and turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.
SPENCER
Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
WHOMP! We see the silhouette of what appears to be a large dog rip his throat out.
HOST (V.O.)
And stop there.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.
HOST
We’ll make last year’s ending this year’s opening. It’ll get their appetites whet for what’s to come.
EDITOR #1
Last year’s was the bloodiest by far.
HOST
And that’s why we use it again.
EDITOR #2
Won’t that just put pressure on us to do better this time?
HOST
Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down?
INT. JOSH’S ROOM – DAY
JOSH (30’s), overweight and bespectacled, finishes photoshopping a girl so she looks naked on his screen. Then he talks to his webcam.
JOSH
This bitch made my life hell all through high school. Let’s see how she likes it when everyone sees her naked this time. I usually hate revenge porn, but she did the same–
BOOM! He hears a door bust open and people come in upstairs. His face goes white.
JOSH
No, no…it can’t be. It’s just a joke!
He sees his armband blinking and covers it as they enter. He tries the Jedi Mind Trick.
JOSH
Umm…you’re looking for someone else–
He push him down and drag him out.
INT. BIKER BAR – DAY
SINCLAIR (50’s) is a hard looking biker. He takes a shot and watches in the upper mirror as the authorities slowly approach. As they get close–
SMASH! He bashes one over the head with a bottle. WHAM! He slams another’s head into the bar. BAM! He headbutts another.
More men enter and ten of them take him down together.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host is looking at a sheet of numbers.
EDITOR #1
This isn’t going to be the same without you.
HOST
You’re too kind. But I haven’t even gotten the position yet. I may not even want it.
EDITOR #2
You already sound like a politician.
HOST
Oh, Minister of Propaganda isn’t really a political thing. More social. And if tonight isn’t perfect, it may not happen at all. How the players coming in?
EDITOR #2
We started the new system last week. Let’s see…
EXT. KRISTEN’S CHURCH – DAY
KRISTEN (early 20’s) comes out of a church, guitar in hand, to a group of adoring fans.
KRISTEN
Oh my Gosh, you guys are so sweet. I am truly blessed with–
Then they erupt. She looks behind her and sees DIVINE (20’s, female) come out. She looks like a model. All the fans rush by Kristen to see her.
Kristen starts to walk off dejected, when authorities approach her. She turns white.
KRISTEN
This can’t be. You have the wrong person.
They harshly grab her and pull her with them.
KRISTEN
But God wouldn’t do this to me!
INT. SUNSHINE HOSPITAL – DAY
NICK (20’s-30’s) is looking out the window of the hospital. Then he sees a van pull into the parking lot.
NICK
Oh shit, it’s happening now.
He quickly starts to run down the hall…but sees authorities are already there. He looks down the other hall and they’re there too.
NICK
Just let me say goodbye.
They impassively stare at him. He runs.
They grab him and tackle him.
NICK
Just let me say goodbye! Sylvia! Sylvia!
They drag him off screaming.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host is looking over candidates.
HOST
Take the top one out. Too pretty.
They click a button.
EDITOR #2
Isn’t it supposed to be vote based?
HOST
It mostly is. Just don’t put in anyone too rich or that’s model pretty. Our sponsors don’t want to see that. Remember, it’s the first time non-crimainals are being voted on, so we need to tread carefully.
(a beat)
Oh, definitely put her in.
INT. DRUG HOUSE – DAY
JOCELYN (late 30’s, early 40’s), is punk rock through and through. She sits in a maggot-filled drug house drinking bourbon and doing lines.
A knock at the door.
JOCELYN
Fuck off! This is all for me!
Another knock.
JOCELYN
Are you deaf, you piece of shit motherfucker?! Leave!
Then the door busts in and authorities enter.
JOCELYN
Oh, shit!
She throws a punch and one tasers her until she’s shaking. Then they grab and carry her away.
INT. STAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
STAN (30’s) is asleep in a haze filled apartment, bong next to him.
The door opens and the authorities come in. They stand above him as he sleeps. He groggily wakes up. He looks at them, confused.
STAN
Am I on acid?
WHAM! One slams their baton into his stomach.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host sees Deb walk by.
HOST
I trust you guys to handle the rest. Remember, no one rich and no one model pretty.
He hurries to Deb.
HOST
Show is looking wonderful tonight.
DEB
Of course it is. You’ve never let us down before.
He just nods. She looks at him.
DEB
I haven’t heard anything yet.
HOST
I wasn’t asking. Just, you know–
She eyes him knowingly. He smirks, getting it.
DEB
I haven’t heard anything yet.
HOST
Okay, but when you do–
DEB
Who else would I tell?
He nods as she walks off.
HOST
Gotta make this the best show ever. Go out with a bang.
INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT
BANG! We hear the authorities pounding the door.
Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.
She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.
They whisper through the entire scene.
ALICIA
I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.
AIDEN
It’s not that. I don’t care about that.
She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.
ALICIA
What is it?
He shrugs.
AIDEN
I can’t say.
ALICIA
It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.
He lowers his whisper anyway.
AIDEN
I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.
ALICIA
Don’t worry. Mom will–
AIDEN
She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.
ALICIA
(muttering)
That fucking bitch.
(back to Aiden)
Sorry. Don’t repeat that.
He looks at her, pleading.
AIDEN
Please don’t go.
Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.
ALICIA
I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.
He cries harder.
AIDEN
How am I going to make it without you?
ALICIA
I’ll always be with you. Look…
She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.
She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.
ALICIA
You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.
She gingerly puts it around his neck.
AIDEN
What if you…don’t come back?
Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears and gives a shrug.
ALICIA
It definitely won’t be easy.
She hears the knock and goes out the closet. The authorities bust in ready to take her by force.
ALICIA
Sorry. Didn’t hear you there. Ready to go?
They just stare, not sure what to make of her willingness.
She goes with them calmly, giving a crying Tony one last smile.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host goes to the editors.
HOST
Let’s see what beasts has been picked.
He smiles as they show him.
HOST
Oh, these little shits have no idea what’s coming.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Opening Scene is Irresistible
What I learned doing this assignment
I need to grab the reader with the first line, the first page, the first three pages. Grab them, hold them, and never let them go. I don’t have time to waste.
CHOSEN OPENING
The Shocking Opening showing a contrast between characters
OUTLINE
INT. ELLEN LANDRY OFFICE – DAY
Ellen Landry is in session with an unseen male patient. The more they talk about his life, the more he becomes agitated and angry about a relationship. The deeper she proves, the angrier he becomes until Ellen’s eyes go wild, and we hear a gunshot. Her patient has shot himself in front of her. Cut to black:
THE SOUND OF SOMEONE WALKING DOWN WOODEN STAIRS. A BOLT IS PULLED BACK. A DOOR IS OPENED. LIGHT FROM ANOTHER ROOM FLOODS IN.
THE HANGING LIGHTBULB IS BLINKED ON BY A PULL CHAIN.
INT. DUNGEON ROOM – DAY
A MAN, unseen, drops shackles to the cement floor. He wraps and padlocks a pair of shackles to an exposed pipe. He places a portable radio on a small table and extends the antenna. The pull chain is yanked, the lightbulb blinks off. The door is closed. The bolt is locked. Blackness.
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
A hard metal chair is secured to the floor in the middle of the room. Handcuffs, duct tape, rope, and a .38 special are placed on a wooden table. A laptop is opened and turned on. Multiple cells phones are laid out. He grabs a bottled water from an ice bucket. We hear him walk up the stairs. A door slams. Black again.
SCENE
FADE IN:
DARKNESS. We HEAR two people talking —
MAN (V.O.)
Do you know why I come here to see you, doctor?
WOMAN (V.O.)
Tell me.
MAN (V.O.)
This is the only place where I’m allowed to exist.
The darkness fades to reveal DR. ELLEN LANDRY sitting in her therapist’s chair, surrounded by the shadows of an office.
She’s a petite, winsome woman in her mid-thirties with raven hair whisking her shoulders. If not for her Saks Fifth Avenue power suit, she’d be sprinkling fairy dust over Disneyland.
ELLEN
How do yo mean?
MAN (O.S.)
Out there, in the world, I lose me. He spends his time with the others.
ELLEN
The others? There are other people involved in your relationship?
MAN (O.S.)
My life is very crowded. It’s hard for me to keep track sometimes. He pursues a new alternative whenever he’s bored or depressed.
ELLEN
Are you and your partner engaged in a polyamorous arrangement?
MAN (O.S.)
Polyamorous. What an elegant word. Yes. I like that.
(beat)
But to be honest, I haven’t met any of them. They keep their distance. Though I know they’re there, always at the ready. I sense them — like hairs on the back of my neck. Call it split intuition.
ELLEN
Have you told your partner how you feel?
MAN (O.S.)
I doubt he would listen… or care.
ELLEN
You have a right to your own voice. It’s your relationship, too.
MAN (O.S.)
If it were only that simple…
ELLEN
Maybe you should you take a break — the both of you. consider what you want. You’re obviously unhappy.
MAN (O.S.)
You mean surrender?
ELLEN
A break isn’t a surrender. It’s an opportunity to breathe. A chance to step back and see things from the distance. A chance for reflection.
A long beat. Then —
MAN (O.S.)
(suspicious)
They got to you, didn’t they?
ELLEN
Excuse me?
MAN (O.S.)
That’s it, isn’t it? You’re talking to them. They want me gone. This is an intervention.
ELLEN
No. Not at all. I haven’t spoken to anyone.
MAN (O.S.)
I trusted you, doctor. I bore my soul to you. And you betray me?
ELLEN
What? No. Never. Why would you think such a thing?
MAN (O.S.)
They’ve heard my every thought. My secrets. And now they’re scared of me… afraid of what I might do.
ELLEN
What might you do?
MAN (O.S.)
They want to disappear me. Drag me back… after I crawled my way out from that hell. And you’re helping them.
Ellen squirms, nervous. She’s losing control of her patient.
MAN (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Do you know how it feels to wander in the abyss? Abandoned? Lost? To hear them crow from the shadows… whispering… conspiring… beyond reach?
ELLEN
Who’s conspiring? Who’s whispering? I don’t understand.
MAN (O.S.)
I can feel their hands, cold on me, coiling around me…
ELLEN
(nervous)
We should end our session here.
MAN (O.S.)
If I leave this room, they’ll win. I’ll never be allowed to return. I know that now. They’ll win…
ELLEN
Who will win? Win what?
MAN (O.S.)
Everything… everything…
Ellen’s eyes wild with shock. BANG! A small caliber handgun FIRES. The man’s body TUMBLES to the floor.
The office door BURSTS open. A woman GASPS. People flock into the room. VOICES — “Oh, my God!” “Ellen!” “Someone call the cops!” “Ellen? Are you hurt? Ellen?” “Call an ambulance!”
FADE TO BLACK:
DEAD SILENCE.
SOMEONE WALKS DOWN WOODEN STAIRS. A BOLT IS PULLED BACK. A DOOR OPENS. A SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM AN OUTSIDE ROOM.
A LIGHTBULB HANGS FROM A CORD. A HAND YANKS THE PULL CHAIN AND THE BULB BLINKS ON.
INT. A DUNGEON-LIKE ROOM – DAY
Windowless. Stone walls. Exposed pipes. Grimy.
CHAINS AND SHACKLES DROP to the floor. A MAN, unseen, wraps and padlocks a chain to the pipe running the wall. He wraps another to a different pipe and checks the lock with a tug.
He sets a portable radio on a table and extends the antenna. He tests the reception. The radio CHIRPS. Off again.
He yanks the pull chain, and the BULB blinks off. The door CLOSES. The bolt LOCKS back into place. BLACKNESS.
INT. BASEMENT – DAY
Dim lighting. Lots of shadows.
A laptop is flipped open and turned on.
One by one, cell phones are laid out in a line.
Handcuffs, duct tape, rope, knives, and a .38 special with a box of ammo are placed on a table.
An interrogation chair sits secured to the floor.
The MAN grabs a bottle of water from an ice bucket. We HEAR him WALK UPSTAIRS. Lights go out. The basement door CLOSES.
CUT TO BLACK:
-
Day 3 – The Rules for a Great Opening – Assignment
Mike O – Opening Scene is Irresistible
What I learned from doing this is,,,,,
====================================
[1] From yesterday’s list of five possible openings, select the one you like best.
Brooklyn’s dad, dead in a snowdrift. He was drugged (by antagonist) Richard for the gallery. #3 & #7 CLOSE UP of a dead man lying in a snow bank. Covered in snow, bottle of whiskey in his hand, it appears he passed out and froze to death.
CUT TO: Coroner’s office, Exam table – man appears fit and trim, still he’s dead. Tox-screen comes back; he didn’t die from an alcohol-related death. He was rufied: Xanax along with flunitrazepam were found in his system.
===================================
[2] Write a quick outline of that opening.
Start the film with the audience in the driver’s seat to a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is opera music. We get a quick vignette of early morning life as he drives down an alley. Bedroom window on his right, two people having sex, window on his left, an elderly man sits at a small table eating a bowl of cereal alone. A feral cat HISSES from its perch a top the large garbage bin the garbage truck pulls up to. Opera song comes to a close and we HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting and emptying the metal bin.
Joshua (protagonist’s father) is lying on his back in a snowdrift in the alleyway behind his art gallery. He is wearing a painter’s smock, there are dabs of paint, a paint brush in his shirt pocket and in his right hand, a bottle of whiskey. The dabs of frozen paint look like flower petals that have curled and pulling away from the skin.
===================================
[3] Check to make sure it follows all 6 rules. If any one is missing, find a way to incorporate it. Rule 1: Be provocative. Rule 2: Either the main character or the antagonist or both should be introduced within the first 5 pages. Rule 3: Make sure it is fresh. Rule 4: The opening must fit the story. Rule 5: The opening must create story questions. Rule 6: The opening introduces the “story world” with some unique action.
====================================
[4] Write the scene.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK- DAWN
Start the film with the audience in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy” There is a small snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the truck lumbers down the alley. Bedroom window on his right, two people having sex. Woman on top is at a full gallop.
GARBAGE MAN “Lucky stiff.”
Window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GARBAGE MAN “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold?”
Black, feral cat scrunches down, HISSES from a top the garbage bin the truck is pulling up to.
GARBAGE MAN “Move it or lose it, gato.”
Song comes to a close. We HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we glimpse a body.
GARBAGE MAN “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua!”
He pushes some levers, truck comes to a stop. He jumps down, out of the cab of the truck. And as he lands and loses his footing, we CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. Pretty in a reflective, brooding sort of way, turns away from the mailbox with a handful of letters. She is staring at one letter in particular —
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
Joshua Murray, 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.
— and loses her footing.
ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying. Luckily, she lands in a pile of snow the road-grader bladed off the highway in the cul-de-sac.
HOLD ON her lying there, staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt. CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back wearing a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel the man above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are dabs of paint on Joshua’s sleeve and his cheek. A paint brush in his shirt pocket, a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and are pulled away from the skin.
Drifting down from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts in.
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PS81 – Dana’s Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment
The first ten pages are a blueprint for what’s to come, so I need to be judicious in my writing. My first ten pages must be tight and to the point of the story. I have limited time to grab the reader/audience.
FIRST TEN PAGES
FADE IN:
Over DARKNESS, we HEAR two people talking.
MAN’S VOICE
Do you know why I come here to see you, doctor?
WOMAN’S VOICE
Tell me.
MAN’S VOICE
This is the only place where I’m allowed to exist.
The darkness fades to reveal —
DR. ELLEN LANDRY, a petite, winsome woman in her mid-thirties with short raven hair that whisks her shoulders. If not for her Valentino power suit, one could imagine her sprinkling fairy dust over Disneyland.
She sits in her therapist’s chair, surrounded by the shadows of an office, counseling a patient across from her.
ELLEN
What makes you say that?
MAN (O.S.)
Out there, in the world, I lose me. He spends his time with the others.
ELLEN
The others? There are other people involved in your relationship?
MAN (O.S.)
My life is very crowded. He pursues alternatives whenever he gets bored or depressed.
ELLEN
Are you engaged in a polyamorous arrangement with your partner?
MAN (O.S.)
Polyamorous. What an elegant word. I like that.
(beat)
To be honest, I haven’t met any of them. They keep their distance. But they’re there, always at his ready. I feel them — like hairs on the back of my neck. A sixth sense.
ELLEN
Have you told your partner how you feel?
MAN (O.S.)
I doubt he would listen… or care.
ELLEN
You have a right to your own voice. It’s your relationship, too.
MAN (O.S.)
If it were only that simple…
ELLEN
You’re obviously not happy. Maybe you should consider a break. Take some time to decide what you want — for the both of you.
MAN (O.S.)
You mean surrender?
ELLEN
A break isn’t surrender. It’s an opportunity to breathe, to take a step back and see things from the distance.
A long beat. Then —
MAN (O.S.)
They got to you, didn’t they?
ELLEN
Excuse me?
MAN (O.S.)
That’s it, isn’t it? You’re talking to them. They want me gone. This is an intervention.
ELLEN
What? No. Why would you think that?
MAN (O.S.)
I trusted you, doctor. I bore my soul to you. And you betray me?
ELLEN
I would never betray your trust.
MAN (O.S.)
They’ve heard my every thought. My secrets. And now they’re scared of me… afraid of what I might do.
Growing anxious. Ellen’s losing control of her patient.
ELLEN
What might you do?
MAN (O.S.)
They want to disappear me. Drag me back… after I crawled my way out from that hell. And you’re helping them.
ELLEN
That’s not true. You need to calm down.
MAN (O.S.)
Do you know how it feels to wander in the abyss? Abandoned? Lost? To hear them whisper from the shadows? Conspiring… beyond reach?
ELLEN
This is making me nervous. I think we should stop here for the day.
MAN (O.S.)
I can’t allow that. If I leave this room, they’ll win. I know that now. They’ll banish me to the dark… I can feel their hands, cold on me…
ELLEN
You have to stop this now.
MAN (O.S.)
Yes… I do.
Ellen’s eyes go wild in shock as — BANG! — a small caliber pistol FIRES. The man’s body FLOPS to the floor. A beat.
We HEAR the door BURST open. A woman GASPS. “Oh, my God!” People flock into the room. VOICES — “Ellen! Oh, dear God. Ellen!” “Someone call the cops!” “Ellen? Are you hurt?” “Call the ambulance!” “Someone call the police!”
FADE TO BLACK:
SOMEONE WALKS DOWN WOODEN STAIRS. A BOLT IS PULLED BACK. A DOOR OPENS. A SHAFT OF LIGHT FROM OUTSIDE. A MAN YANKS A PULL CHAIN AND A LIGHTBULB BLINKS ON.
INT. SMALL ROOM – NIGHT
Windowless. Stone walls. Exposed pipes. Grimy.
CHAINS AND SHACKLES DROP to the floor. The MAN, unseen, wraps and padlocks a chain to a heavy pipe. He wraps another and tests the lock with a tug.
He sets a portable radio on a table and extends the antenna. He tests the reception. The radio CHIRPS. Off again.
He yanks the pull chain. The LIGHTBULB blinks off. The door CLOSES. The bolt LOCKS back into place. DARKNESS.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Dim lighting. Lots of shadows.
A laptop is flipped open on a table and turned on. One by one, cell phones are laid out in a line. Handcuffs, duct tape, rope, a hunting knife, and a .38 special follow.
We HEAR him WALK UPSTAIRS. The lights go out. The basement door CLOSES. BLACKNESS.
CUT TO:
EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – AERIAL SHOT – MORNING
A brisk day. The city is alive. We HEAR a series of NEWS UPDATES like someone flipping channels.
RADIO HOST 1 (V.O.)
…west-bound across the Bay Bridge is backed-up due to a stalled SUV in the number four lane. CHP is on scene, but expect delays…
RADIO HOST 2 (V.O.)
…won five to four from a walk-off home run by Stagnetti in the bottom of the ninth…
Closing in on a small office building with a radio tower.
RADIO HOST 3 (V.O.)
…clear with a high of seventy-six and an overnight dropping into the mid-forties.
EXT. KCSF RADIO STATION – EXTABLISHING – MORNING
RADIO HOST 3 (V.O.)
And that’s news, traffic and weather. I’m Mike Wells, KCSF, thirteen-sixty AM, San Francisco.
Bumper music, CCR’s “Fortunate Son,” starts playing —
INT. PETER WHITE’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
CCR continues on the wall speaker. PETER WHITE, KCSF station manager, mid-fifties, wedding ring, heavyset, years of radio experience, turns the volume down. He wears a phone headset while talking with JERRY BURNS, his boss.
PETER
Her ratings aren’t that bad.
JERRY
They’re not that good, either. The twenty to thirty demo isn’t tuning in. And her nighttime audience didn’t follow.
PETER
Maybe another marketing campaign. Have her do some guest spots.
JERRY
Marketing isn’t the problem, Pete. And you know it. She’s just not confrontational. And radio needs conflict.
PETER
Yeah, I know… I know.
JERRY
Look, I get it. She’s your friend, and you wanted to help her, we both did, especially after what happened. But her ratings are flat. And I need to sell advertising. I can’t justify picking up her option.
PETER
No, I understand. I do.
JERRY
You’re a great station manager, Pete. But don’t let friendship cloud your judgment. It’s just business.
PETER
I’ll tell here when she gets in.
Jerry hangs up. Pete removes the headset, dejected.
EXT. PARKING LOT, KCSF RADIO STATION – CONTINUOUS
An SUV bounds into the lot and zooms into a space. Ellen kicks open the door and drops out. She slings an oversized purse and computer bag and dashes to the doors, swiping at the coffee-stain map of South America on her skirt.
INT. RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
CLAIRE BARROW, fifties, is everybody’s overbearing mom — no paint, no polish. She never misses a Woodstock reunion. She’s in full mother mode when Ellen comes through the door and shuffles her through reception.
CLAIRE
Where have you been? I called you thirty minutes ago.
ELLEN
Mackenzie refused to get out of bed. Samantha forgot to do her homework. Roger’s car wouldn’t start — again…
CLAIRE
Never mind. Give me those —
She grabs Ellen’s purse and computer bag.
ELLEN
How late am I?
CLAIRE
Just hurry.
(noting the stain)
What happened there?
ELLEN
My Starbucks slipped.
CLAIRE
Well… He’s a man. He won’t care.
GAIL SIMMONS, the model receptionist, watches the twosome scurry across the lobby, shaking her head, amused.
INT. PETER WHITE’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
A RAP on the door, barely audible. From his desk, Peter looks up, takes a breath, releases a guilt-ridden sigh.
PETER
Shit.
EXT. STATION ROOFTOP – DAY
Claire stands near the edge smoking. She pushes out a long, steady stream like a pro.
CLAIRE
Shit.
Claire and passes her smoke to Ellen.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
New owners. They want a fast return on their investment.
Ellen takes a puff, sucking in her cheeks — total amateur. She frowns at the taste.
ELLEN
How do you smoke these?
CLAIRE
They keep my weight down.
Ellen can’t pass it back fast enough.
ELLEN
Do you think I’m hiding?
CLAIRE
Because of what happened?
(Ellen nods)
You’ll go back when you’re ready.
ELLEN
Sometimes I feel like I’m holding back. That I tell people what they want to hear to avoid the conflict.
CLAIRE
You’re a good person, Ellen. And you’re a good psychologist. You want to help people.
(beat)
But this is radio. And we’re just a bunch of cutthroat fuckers.
Claire takes another drag on her cigarette. A reflective moment, both ladies staring off into the city.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
One caller. That’s all we needed. Just one caller.
Claire flicks the cigarette off the edge.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen fidgets with her chair, adjusting the height way up. She puts on her headphones and settles in at the microphone.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Claire, headset on, gets ready — adjusting the sound board, checking the caller screen.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen’s cell phone BUZZES. The screen reads ROGER. She stares at it, reluctant to answer. Through the glass, Claire notes her reluctance.
CLAIRE
(over headset)
You’ve got three minutes.
Ellen answer the call on speaker. The sound is loud and airy, lots of road noise. Roger is almost yelling.
ELLEN
Hi, Honey.
ROGER
Hi, Babe. Hold on.
(to someone else)
Say hello to mommy.
ELLEN
Where are you guys?
ROGER
Uber.
ROGER
I called the school and told them they’d be late.
(to driver)
No. Wait. You missed the turn. We’re going to the school first.
(back to Ellen)
The girls wanted to call and find out. So? Did you get it?
Ellen falters. She looks a Claire.
ELLEN
Yeah. I got the job.
CHEERING on the other end. Ellen holds her feelings back.
ROGER
Oh, babe! That’s great! We knew you could do it. Look! Let’s celebrate tonight. How about it, girls? What should we get mommy for dinner?
ROGER
Looks like pizza, babe.
ELLEN
Pizza sounds great.
(tearing up)
I have to do my show now.
ROGER
Okay. Love you, babe. We’re proud of you. Say goodbye to mommy.
ELLEN
Love you, too. See you tonight.
The call ends. She looks to Claire, heavy-hearted.
CLAIRE
They’ll understand.
(glances the time)
Okay. Ten seconds. Here we go.
Ellen’s bumper MUSIC starts, something modern. As it fades —
ELLEN
Good morning, everyone. Welcome to the Dr. Ellen Show. I’m your host, Ellen Landry. And we’re going to be with each other for the next three hours. And it looks like we have a lot to talk about today. So let’s settle in and go to the phones.
(beat)
Who am I am talking to?
WOMAN’S VOICE
Hello, Dr. Ellen. This is Sandy.
ELLEN
Hello, Sandy. Let’s talk…
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The clock on the wall reads 9:48.
Claire screen another call.
CLAIRE
Hello. The Dr. Ellen Show.
BREATHING on the other end, someone in distress.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Hello? Can you hear me?
MAN’S VOICE
(weak, soft)
Hello…
CLAIRE
You’ve reached the Dr. Ellen Show. Can I have your name?
JASON
My name’s Jason.
Jason is weak-voiced, almost afraid to talk.
CLAIRE
How can Dr. Ellen help you today?
JASON
I need to speak with Dr. Ellen.
CLAIRE
What seems to be the problem?
JASON
(almost crying)
I have a problem. And I need to speak to Dr. Ellen.
Claire’s finger touches the disconnect button.
CLAIRE
If you can’t be more specific —
JASON
I’m having trouble with my other personality. I need Dr. Ellen.
Claire hesitates, uncertain. She takes her hand of the button.
CLAIRE
Hold for one moment. I’ll put you through next.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is finishing up with her last caller.
ELLEN
— you and your husband have every right to celebrate your anniversary alone, Sandy. It’s your marriage, not you, your husband and his mother.
SANDY (O.S.)
Tell him that.
ELLEN
You can do it, Sandy. You need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. But he needs to be the one who establishes the boundaries with his mother. Otherwise, your mother-in-law will be in the hot tub with you at Sandals every anniversary.
SANDY
That’s a visual I didn’t need.
ELLEN
You’ll do find, Sandy. Good luck.
(kills the call)
Claire? Who’s are next caller?
CLAIRE
(through headset)
Dr. Ellen, we have Jason over in Bayview. He’s having difficulty with a friend.
Ellen looks quizzically at Claire, not understanding the explanation. Claire shrugs her shoulders.
ELLEN
Good morning, Jason. This is Dr. Ellen. How can I help you today?
JASON
(nervous)
Dr. Ellen? This is Jason…
Ellen listens, expecting more.
ELLEN
Hello, Jason. And what seems to be the problem?
JASON
You have to help me. I didn’t want to call you. He’s making me do it.
Ellen looks to Claire, both perplexed.
ELLEN
Who’s making you call me, Jason? Is someone there with you?
JASON
Yes.
ELLEN
Can you tell me who is it?
JASON
He won’t let me tell you.
Ellen and Claire exchange puzzled looks again.
ELLEN
Will your friend speak with me?
JASON
No.
ELLEN
Why won’t he?
JASON
Dr. Ellen? This is Jason…
ELLEN
Yes, I know, Jason.
JASON
I was your patient once. But we never really met.
Ellen suddenly realizes who she’s talking to relives the entire moment – oh shit.
ELLEN
Jason. I don’t think it would be appropriate for us to continue our conversation at this time. If you give my producer your phone number, I’ll be glad to call you —
JASON
(pleading, angry)
DON’T HANG UP ON ME!
Ellen jumps back in her seat. Claire is stunned.
ELLEN
Jason, I can’t counsel you on air.
JASON
If you hang up, he’ll hurt one of them.
ELLEN
One of who, Jason?
Long beat. Nothing. BREATHING.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Jason? Who is he going to hurt? Can you tell me?
JASON
Your family.
(crying)
He’s going to hurt your family. He has them.
Stunned, Ellen shoots disbelieving look to Claire.
ELLEN
My family? Who has my family? Jason?
JASON
If you don’t help me, he says he’s going to hurt one of them.
(beat)
YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!
Ellen and Claire cast disbelieving glances at each other. Before Ellen can respond.
JASON (CONT’D)
(to another person)
No! I won’t! You can’t make me! You can’t MAKE ME!
(beat)
No! No…!
A SCUFFLE. Someone fighting.
Mystified, Ellen presses the headset tight, concentrating on the sudden violence.
JASON (CONT’D)
No. NO!
The line goes dead.
Stunned, Ellen looks to Claire. Neither woman can believe what just happened.
Dead air! Claire quickly signals Ellen.
ELLEN
(into microphone)
Umm… Let’s go to a break. We’ll be right back after these messages. This is the Dr. Ellen Show, KCSF, AM 1360, San Francisco.
The On-Air light goes off.
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