Day 4 Assignment

[Rob Bertrand]

Rob Bertrand’s Twists

What I learned: I learned that audiences love realistic twists and I am definitely one of them. After writing my scene, it really hit me that I’m creating a modern-day Psycho with a twist.

Jack Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Exhausted, foul-mouthed, conservative father, who’s protective of his daughters.
Subtext: Hiding something (alcoholism)

EXT. ANDREW’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Tires screech to a halt.

Jack rips the truck door open and stomps his way up the driveway. He’s greeted by his neighbor, LARRY, who’s wearing an old bathrobe and slippers.

LARRY
Hey, Jack. Sorry to bother you at work, but the girls were pretty worked up.

JACK
What else is new, Larry?

Larry nods his understanding.

LARRY
I hope you don’t mind, but I went in and took a look around. Everything seemed normal. I got the girls at my place with Bev.
(beat)
I didn’t call the cops. You know…on account of last time…

JACK
Thanks, Larry. I’m gonna take a quick look around. I’ll be over in a minute.

LARRY
Roger that.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

The front door creaks open to reveal Jack. He steps inside the dark room and let’s his eyes adjust. It’s anything but normal.

The house is completely wrecked.

Furniture toppled. Pillow cushions are slashed. Stuffing everywhere. Pictures frames smashed and destroyed. Static plays on the TV.

JACK
What in the holy fuck?

Jack hits the light switch, but nothing happens. He checks the lamp. The bulb is smashed. In fact, every bulb in the house is broken.

JACK
That’s great. That’s just fucking great!

KITCHEN – NIGHT

The kitchen looks like a bomb went off. Cabinets emptied of their dishes and smashed on the floor. The contents of the refrigerator, scattered everywhere.

Jacks face is pure rage.

His boots crunch broken glass, as he examines the mess.

A floorboard creaks above him.

STAIRWAY – NIGHT

The sound of familiar music stops Jack at the base of the stairs. It’s coming from his bedroom.

JACK
Hello?

Cautiously, Jack ascends the stairs. Stepping carefully over broken photo frames.

HALLWAY – NIGHT

The Master Bedroom door is slightly cracked. The sound of wedding music and muffled conversations.

Jack trembling hand pushes the door. It swings open to reveal his vandalized bedroom.

JACK’S ROOM – CONTINUOUS

Jack enters, taking in the destruction. The bed has been ripped to shreds. Knick knacks and picture frames smashed. It’s worse than downstairs.

The TV on his dresser, plays Nora and Jack’s wedding video. A reminder of better days.

A message written in red lipstick on Nora’s vanity mirror, sends Jack into a rage. It reads: MARRY ME!

JACK
(screams)
God damn it, Annie! Fuck!

He plops himself down on his shredded mattress and places his head in his hands. He fights back tears.

Jack opens his eyes to an unbroken bottle of Jack Daniels on his nightstand. A handwritten note reads: DRINK ME – NORA.

He wipes the tears from his eyes and picks up the bottle. Unscrews the top, then holds the bottle to his nose and breathes it in.

He stops himself.

JACK
Nora…Nora, are you really here? Please, baby. Why are you doing this?

He listens. Only the sound of wedding music. Jack sighs with desperation.

JACK
I don’t know what I’m doing, Nora. I’m fucking this all up without you. Our daughters…our daughters are hurting so bad, I don’t know…I don’t know how to help them.

Jack squeezes the bottle, while fighting back tears.

JACK (CONTINUED)
Tell me…. Tell me, what to do? Ah…fuck. Please! Nora…please?! I am so lost without you. What do I do? Don’t talk to the girls…talk to me! Talk to me, God damn it!

Jack closes his eyes and brings the bottle to his lips. But he hesitates. He wants to, more than anything.

But he doesn’t. Jack lowers the bottle and releases an earth-shattering wail, deep from the bottom of his soul.

He lifts his head and see’s the vanity mirror message. Without thinking he heaves the bottle at the mirror and it explodes in a shower of glass and booze.

In the remaining shards of glass, movement behind Jack. The reflection is of Nora, in her wedding dress.

JACK
Nora!

Jack spins, expecting to see Nora, but stops dead in his tracks. Creeping horror across Jack’s faces as he realizes the person wearing the wedding dress is not his late wife.

It’s DANNY LAPLANTE. Wearing a filthy blonde wig and Nora’s tattered wedding dress from the trash can. Makeup roughly applied to his dirty face, in an attempt to look more feminine. His grin, pure evil.

Before Jack can react, Danny raises a hatchet above his head and SCREAMS

CUT TO:

[John Budinscak]

Budinscak Twists

Day 4

What I learned doing this assignment:

o The ‘Back To The Future’ analysis was revealing as to the number and variety of twists. Really good stuff.

o I like having the character’s traits listed to ensure they answer/act according to their character.

o I always enjoyed twists – and the ending to “THE STING” immediately comes to mind.

1. Characters

Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous

Logline – Jack is a scoundrel and not the role model his impressionable nephews need, but they’re his captive audience and he’s ready to dispense ‘his knowledge’ as he sees fit.

Puck – nerdy, book smart, insecure, devious

Logline – Puck is a moral compass during the trip, constantly holding his uncle accountable while plotting to stay two steps ahead of his cousin, Sal.

Sal – sneaky, manipulative, smartass, bit of a bully

Logline – Sal is a mini-Jack, a sneaky storyteller and convincing liar – the one most apt to initiate trouble, benefit from it then abscond from blame.

Setup:

We’re near the end of Act II, but not quite there. Jack has lost all the money he brought to Circus Circus while the boys have won every game they’ve played. Puck and Sal know their uncle is down after losing and offer him the diamond rings they won – Jack declines, he knows they’re fake. Jack determines his nephews have never seen a naked woman and he orders a call girl to come to their room.

INT. LAS VEGAS HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

Puck and Sal watch their uncle pull out a satchel LC gave him back in Terre Haute. He opens the satchel and a couple of bundles of cash fall on the bed.

SAL

What’s all that?

JACK

Some spending money from LC.

Jack counts the money quickly and puts it back in the satchel. He puts the satchel in the top drawer of the desk.

Knock, knock – someone’s at their hotel door.

JACK

She’s here. You boys hide in the closet. Go.

Jack makes sure the closet door is closed before he opens the hotel room door.

JACK

Well hello …

In walks a knockout. TIFFANI, mids 20’s, is beautiful and curvy – she fills out her slinky, form fitting dress perfectly.

TIFFANI

Tiffani, with an I.

JACK

And I’m Jack, that’s a J with an ‘ack’ after it. Come here.

Jack leads Tiffani so she’s facing the closet doors. He steps aside so he doesn’t block the boys’ view.

Tiffani tugs at a zipper and her dress falls to the floor – she’s completely naked.

JACK

WOW!

Jack lets out a whistle, as does Sal from behind the closet doors. Jack stops a second before Sal. Tiffani looks around Jack to the closet.

TIFFANI

Is someone hiding in the closet?

JACK

Absolutely not. What do you think I am?

Knock, knock – someone bangs on the hotel room door.

VOICE (OS)

Room service.

JACK

I ordered champagne for us. Stay there.

Jack turns and make a ‘wow’ face to the boys in the closet. He walks to and opens the hotel door.

Two FBI agents burst in.

FBI GUY

FBI. Nobody move.

Tiffani shrieks, grabs her dress and runs out the door. Three sets of eyes follow her every move.

JACK

What are you guys doing here?

FBI GUY

We do whatever we want to do – we’re the FBI. And we want you to help us get more money from Don Vito.

JACK

Don Vito?

FBI GUY

Yes. He owes us money on a deal and we want more. And you’re the guy to make it happen.

JACK

You’re not the good guys?

FBI GUY

We are whoever we need to be, we’re the ….

JACK

F B I. Yeah, I got that. What do you want with me?

The FBI and Jack go round and round, and none of it benefits Jack.

FBI GUY

And you’re going to wear this wire when you’re with him. Too bad this wire isn’t live, Jack, you’d have the drop on us.

The second FBI agent looks around the room and opens the desk drawer. He pulls out the bundles of cash.

FBI GUY

And what do we have here? Is that a down payment from you?

The FBI team laughs as it stuffs cash in their pockets.

FBI GUY

Jack, get your shit together. We’re going to the craps tables and double our money. We’ll be in touch.

The two agents walk out the door laughing.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by  John Budinscak.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s Twists

What I learned doing this assignment is that every great movie has plot twists, but mine didn’t really have any good ones until I had to do this assignment.

Andrea

Basic character traits: well-spoken, image conscience, playful, competitive

Want/Need: Wants to become a network anchor, wants Josh and her kids back, needs to feel validated

Paradoxes: Wants to be a good wife and mother but also wants a demanding career

Secret: She once gave a co-worker the wrong directions to a story location so that she could beat her to the story

Flaw: She can be selfish

Special: She was the ugly duckling at school until her braces came off and her acne went away, then she became one of the popular girls

Subtext: concealing

Meagan

Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful

Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved

Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants

Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time

Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants

Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.

Subtext: deceitful

Joannie – not well-defined because she was an afterthought. Basically, she’s Andrea’s sounding board who secretly wants to be an anchor just like Andrea and gets the chance when Andrea disappears.

Setup: Andrea “accidentally” got sucked into the time machine when the professor was demonstrating it for her and ended up a year into the future. While she was gone, Meagan, the woman her husband hired to be the kids’ nanny got involved with her husband and basically took over her life. Andrea has uncovered the fact that Meagan was responsible for her getting sucked into the machine. Andrea now wants to push Meagan into the machine. Joannie has been Andrea’s friend all through the story up to this point. She rose to stardom at the station after Andrea went missing.

EXT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY

Andrea and Joannie walk the long walkway that leads to the science lab.

JOANNIE

Are you really going to do this? You could get fired.

ANDREA

I do what I have to do to win the game.

JOANNIE

Do you think it will work?

ANDREA

It worked on me.

The pair approach the double doors leading into the lab.

INT. – SCIENCE LAB – DAY

Meagan sits at a desk in the corner of the room studying.

ANDREA

Hello, Meagan.

Meagan jumps.

MEAGAN

What are you doing here?

ANDREA

I’d like you to show me how the machine works.

MEAGAN

The professor already showed you, and I’m not allowed to-

ANDREA

Save it.

Andrea pulls a USB drive out of her purse.

ANDREA

I know what you did. It’s all right here.

Meagan stares at Andrea in disbelief.

She walks hesitantly over to the machine with Andrea and Joannie following closely.

She flips a switch. It whirs to life.

Andrea raises her hand to give Meagan a shove and nearly falls into the machine. Meagan slips out of her reach just in time, grabs the USB as she goes.

MEAGAN

(laughing)

Did you really think I would fall for that?

Meagan grabs her things and runs out of the room.

Andrea looks over a Joannie. Joannie’s face is expressionless.

Next, the unthinkable happens.

Joannie gives Andrea a shove.

Andrea nearly falls into the machine again, but manages to grab a hold of Joannie.

ANDREA

Joannie, what are you doing?

The two struggle.

JOANNIE

Everything was going great for me until you came back. I finally got my shot. I was going to be an anchor, but NO! You took that from me.

Andrea manages to move the struggle away from the machine.

She tries to free herself from Joannie’s grip, but she won’t let go.

ANDREA

I’m sorry. Why can’t we both be successful?

JOANNIE

It won’t work. As long as you’re around, I’ll be in your shadow.

Joannie tries to push Andrea towards the machine, but she fights back.

ANDREA

This isn’t the answer.

JOANNIE

Why not? You were about to do it to Meagan.

ANDREA

You’re both insane!

With that Andrea exerts enough force to both turn Joannie toward the machine and shake her off. As Joannie reels backward, she falls into the machine.

SWOOSH

Joannie disappears.

Andrea stares in disbelief at the spot where Joannie had just stood.

She raises her hand to her mouth.

ANDREA

Oh, dear. What was I thinking? How am I ever going to explain this?

[Julia Keefer]

Twisting reminds me of strangling, what BB did as a man but now he is Betty, an old woman.

EXT. RAIL TRAIL – NIGHT
Betty snickers as she leaves, clearing her head with a moonlit walk on the rail trail. The wind is still, and the path is clear. Moonlight is precious in the country because these parks have no streetlamps. She picks up her skirts and lifts her knees. It’s not easy being a woman. Meanwhile three young men walk behind, slowing down to stalk her. As the rail trail leaves the farms and moves into the forested swamps beside the Wallkill, they pounce, grabbing her body, lifting up her skirts and throwing her onto the dirty path.
But Betty does not shriek, cry, or plead. She winks and coos in a Southern accent,

BETTY
Now, boys, you don’t want to bang your grandma. You can do better with those young lovelies at the college.

They stop and stare at her. This is not what they anticipated or hoped for. This isn’t fun.

BETTY
Now what do you boys really want to do with me? And why would you need three against one?

As one of them tries to hit her across the mouth, she grabs his hand and kisses it, exaggerating her Southern triphthongs,

BETTY
My, what plum gorgeous—finganails! All that dastardly DNA goin to waste!

As the other two men move in, Betty suddenly delivers a front push kick to A’s groin and a neat, tight back kick to B’s shin. Then she tips her wig as if it were a hat and lowers her voice,

BETTY
When I was a young un, I committed my crimes alone. Cowards!

This is too much. The three men run away. Betty adjusts her wig and walks back to town. Meanwhile Jake is hysterical about a real, helpless woman wandering around the Wallkill woods alone-his demented mother.

[Jodi Harrison]

Jodi’s Twists – Day 4

A twist is a deviation in direction. Making a list of different kind of twists you could use in a scene helps to make it more interesting, something unexpected but makes sense. Twists can be made with plot, character, dialogue, action, or meaning.

Protagonist: Pam Karras
Traits: Logical, aggressive when mad, compassionate, tenacious

Subtext: Stubborn and Life must be fair for all
Pam sees the pain and suffering of people living in her state, which has grown exponentially with the SB8 law which has put more women and children into poverty and changed lives for the worse. She decides to run for the Governorship to reverse this law.

Supporting: Elizabeth Bailey

Loving, Assertive, Revengeful

Subtext: Sorrow filled

Elizabeth’s Daughter Karen, was killed, she does everything she can to numb the pain, she can’t let go and creates a group set out on revenge.

Supporting: Steven Hays

Smart, industrious, a leader

Subtext: You’ll feel my pain

Steven Hays was Karen’s boyfriend. She was pregnant and he couldn’t wait to be a Father, only Karen was killed before that could happen. He is out for revenge however he can do it.

Supporting: Crusher Vennick, the Redneck

Selfish, dumb, reactive only

Subtext: Feels he has no consequences

Crusher, the redneck cares only about one thing; his cherried out red truck. Whatever he has to do to keep it in top form is what he’ll do, beg borrow or steal money for his cause, or be a bounty hunter, no matter.

EXT. CRUSHER’S FRONT YARD – MORNING

Steven goes outside and douses Crusher’s red truck with gasoline and then sets it on fire all the while Crusher is screaming with a gag in his mouth. Steven points to him and says

STEVEN

You’re next!

Steven starts walking towards Crusher with the gasoline can.

STEVEN

No one rescued my girl, you didn’t even help her, you son of a bitch

Steven starts dousing Crusher with gasoline, he chokes.

STEVEN

She was alone man.

Steven starts to weep.

STEVEN

No one’s gonna rescue you either.

Steven tries to strike a match, but it doesn’t ignite as the gasoline made them soggy. He tries another match but it is damp too

STEVEN

This is your lucky minute, say your prayers.

Steven strikes the third match and it ignites successfully. Right then, three police cars are up on the lawn surrounding him. He flicks the match onto the gasoline. The cops jump into action wrapping Crusher in a blanket, Crusher is screaming.

CRUSHER

Help! Help! I’m burning! Help!

Two police officers slam Steven to the ground and handcuff him. As they put Steven in the car, Crusher starts in with his macho bravado

CRUSHER

What took you ass holes so long!?

What mother fucker’s gonna pay for my truck!?

A cop looks back at him like he’s an asshole.

CRUSHER

It took me years to cherry it, and you snails let it be destroyed, where were you, at a knitting circle?

Crusher looks at his burned and demolished truck and starts crying.

INT. TRAFFIC INVESTIGATION UNIT – DAY

Pam is interrogating Steven.

PAM

Your accomplice just told me about the burglar ring you belong to. You’re now connected to a murder besides what you did today to Mr. Vennick, you have some serious charges against you.

STEVEN

No one killed anyone. We don’t do that.

PAM

If you don’t do that, then you have nothing to hide. Why did you attack Mr. Vennick?

STEVEN

(breaks down in tears)

He killed my Karen and my baby.

PAM

Crusher killed them? Who Steven? Who’s Karen and your baby?

STEVEN

He ran her off the road and then left her for dead up the highway.

PAM

Karen Bailey?

STEVEN

Yeah, you guys just forgot about her. But we’re not forgetting about her.

PAM

Who’s ‘we’ Steven? Karen’s Mom?

STEVEN

Yeah, you guys think she’s just trash to dump? Liz kept trying to tell you. You ignored her.

So, things are handled differently now.

PAM

What do you mean, differently now?

STEVEN

Elizabeth and I got more justice for Karen than any of you cops ever cared to. This is why people hate cops.

PAM

How Steven, how have you and Elizabeth gotten justice?

STEVEN

Look in the papers. What kind of people do you think has been getting robbed?

Steven leans in to Pam.

STEVEN

Bounty Hunters, that’s who. No one else, just fucking Bounty Hunters. They want to have 10,000 dollar trophy heads on their mantle

(beat)

Well, we’ll have theirs. An eye for an eye.

Pam is startled by what she is hearing. She never expected that Elizabeth was the leader of this thieves ring.

PAM

Oh my God, it is all about revenge.

STEVEN

Well, what do you know, you cops finally got something right.

Pam gestures to a fellow cop in the room.

PAM

So, now, instead of helping Elizabeth, I have to arrest her.

(beat)

Okay Steven, that’s all for now.

While the cop is taking Steven out of the room he shouts to Pam.

STEVEN

Of course you would, lock up the innocent and let the guilty be free.

Pam looks worried

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – DAY

Elizabeth now lives in a much nicer neighborhood and in a bigger home. Beautiful trees and flowers line the walkway of terra cotta. Pam and her partner approach the front door. Pam puts a candy wrapper in her pocket before she knocks on Elizabeth’s door.

PAM

Go around the back.

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth answers the door.

ELIZABETH

Ah, Barney Fife, coming to tell me something I already know.

PAM

Why? I told you I’d find Karen’s killer. Why, have you done this, now you’re going to jail, that’s no justice for Karen.

ELIZABETH

Justice!? You and your pathetic good for nothings weren’t going to do a thing about my girl’s killer! Do you know how many times I went down to your precinct to give them the information I found out about Crusher, to tell them he killed my little girl? Do you think they cared!? Do you think they listened!?

PAM

Elizabeth, listen to me. We don’t know for sure he did it. The case can fall apart and he’ll go scot free. Do you want that?

ELIZABETH

You did know that sleazy piece of shit Redneck admitted he was the guy who killed my Karen, right!? Why didn’t you geniuses know that!?

PAM

Here-say is not enough. It’s hard to prove he caused the accident.

ELIZABETH

And broke her neck, don’t forget BROKE HER NECK! We have it on tape!

PAM

I promise you, if he’s the guy I will get him, but right now I regret to say that you are under arrest.

ELIZABETH

Too little, too late!

EXT. ELIZABETH’S HOME – SAME

Elizabeth submits her hands palm side up to Pam without being asked, as if she’s happy her illegal dealing are over. It seems she wants to end this fight. Pam takes Elizabeth’s arm and turns her around and starts to gently cuff her with her hands behind her back.

[Michelle Damis]

PS 80 Michelle Damis TWISTS

What I learned doing this assignment is that I have several “long twists” making it hard to write in one scene. I picked a scene that I thought I could write some twists into but so far it isn’t twisty enough and I’m out of time because I’m trying to not get behind on assignments. But, if you are reading this know I am filing away each assignment for future use!

INT. NINAS APT – NIGHT

Nina is leaning over the kitchen island reading one of the library books about Vampires, making a list “TO DO”. There is a knock on the door that startles her. She yells

NINA- Who’s there?

TED-(thru the door) It’s Ted…

Nina panics, her supplies are in the car…

NINA-Just a minute…

She grabs a jar of minced garlic and some chicken skewers, it’s better than nothing. Setting them casually on the counter within reach. She takes a deep breath and opens the door leaving the chain on.

NINA- What are you doing here?

Ted is holding a medium size box.

TED- Your Dad asked me to bring this to you.

He holds up the box and shakes it gently.

NINA- You can just leave it on the floor, Thanks.

She starts to close the door, Ted stops it with his foot. Thinking fast.

TED- Can I at least use your bathroom? It was a long drive.

Nina weighs her options. A million scenarios run thru her head.

TED- Please…

More contemplation…

NINA-OK, Just give me a sec

NINA furiously hides the books and papers in the kitchen drawers. Takes a second look at a scarf on the coat rack and wraps it around her neck. Checking the mirror, she looks ridiculous and adjusts it as best she can. Opening the door she lets him in.

TED-Thanks

His eyes catch everything as he walks in, the garlic, the skewers, the scarf…he is amused.

NINA- You are welcome…But only this ONE time. I mean, you are only welcome this one time…

Her nerves starting to show,

NINA-You can set the box down over there and the bathroom is down the hall, first door on the right.

Ted sets the box down and heads towards the kitchen island. He leans over and takes a big whiff of garlic. Nina’s brow furrows, that wasn’t what she expected.

NINA- Don’t you have to use the bathroom?

Her voice cracks a little.

TED- I lied. Why don’t you take a seat? Let’s slice to the chase.

Nina can’t help herself.

NINA- It’s CUT to the chase.

Her voice drifts off uncertainly as she sits down on the couch.

TED- Whatever. I know you know.

[Armand Petrikowski]

Armand’s Twists

What I learned… Twists need to make sense. They need to be properly set up to satisfy our audience.

TYLER

Arrogant

Funny

Coward

Romantic

EXT. MANOR – NIGHT

The STONER runs for his life. The killer follows him closely.

The Stoner stumbles on a rock and falls to the ground, the killer charges at him with his axe.

Suddenly, Tyler arrives and surprisingly, especially to him, carries the Stoner in the air. Flying away over the pine trees.

The Stoner assumes he’s tripping, unable to see the invisible force carrying him to safety.

The killer remains still, watching in confusion.

The stoner

STONER

(looks down)

Hey man, I’m afraid of heights!

TYLER

(the Stoner can’t hear him)

Hold still, I’m learning this on the go!

The Stoner freaks out, Tyler loses grip of him and then, the Stoner falls down straight into the insides of a large wood chipper.

TYLER

Shit.

Tyler descends next to the wood chipper, as the killer approaches. Tyler backs away, even though the killer can’t see him.

ON THE STONER

He’s injured, but with a sense of humor about what just happened. The Stoner searches for a way out.

The killer lands next to the wood chipper. Calmly, turns it ON.

O.S.: The Stoner screams. Tyler covers his eyes as the wood chipper devours the Stoner and spits him out in a bath of blood.

The blood shower soaks Tyler, showing the outline of his human form to the killer.

Tyler realizes the killer can see him and dissolves in fear.

The killer remains thoughtful. Walks away slowly.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Twists

What I learned doing this assignment is I’ll need to leave plenty of room in scenes for twists as they take up a little real estate in a script beyond what it would take to simply tell the beginning, middle and end of a scene.

Characters: <div>

Morgan Day

<div>

Basic Character Traits:

Insecure

Curious/Eager to learn

Perfectionist — can’t leave well enough alone

Bold under pressure

Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Crafty

Logline: Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who wants to help other women to prove to herself that she is not just a trophy wife.

Possible areas of subtext: Pretends to believe she is inferior to her husband. Collects friends who help intimidated women while not realizing she is intimidated. Pretends altruism while her work is a form of revenge against her husband.

B. Bridget (Shelter Operator)

A. Basic Character Traits:

Down to Earth

Rigid

Wary

Older so automatically wiser

B. Subtext Character Traits: Pompous, Motherly

C. Logline: Bridget runs a shelter because she knows how to help women be more independent. Her biggest problem is knowing what help abused women really need, but not being able to provide it.

D. Possible areas of subtext: Assumes she knows better than the other book club members what Amber and other abused women need. Feels she understands life better than any other member of the club.

SCENE

INT. SHELTER OFFICE – CONTINUOUS

MORGAN, a concerned look on her face, follows BRIDGET into her office.

MORGAN

I hope she doesn’t have any complications from her fall. Daniel would surely want to be there if she lands in the hospital and the gala is the end of next week. He has so many dresses to finish.

BRIDGET, fifty-something, sturdy, in a no-nonsense suit, looks appalled.

BRIDGET

You realize she’s here because Daniel did that to her.

MORGAN

No, she said she fell down the stairs.

Bridget gives her a cold, hard stare until she realizes.

MORGAN

No, he would never do that. He’s too busy with his work.

Bridget gives her a quizzical look.

MORGAN

(incredulous)

You’re not saying he did that to her.

Bridget sits down at her desk.

BRIDGET

Who else would do something like that and not be arrested?

MORGAN

But she can’t have him arrested. He has so many dresses, including mine, to finish for the gala.

BRIDGET

Do you have any idea how that sounds?

Morgan considers.

MORGAN

It sounds like you don’t really care about Daniel’s business. He’s a rising star, you know.

BRIDGET

And it sounds like you don’t care if he abuses his wife.

Morgan flings herself back in her chair.

MORGAN

Would she be sitting out there, donating kids clothes to a shelter if she was being abused? That’s ridiculous.

BRIDGET

What’s ridiculous is that you believed her when she said that’s what she’s doing here.

Morgan is unconvinced.

BRIDGET

She came here while she decided what she would do once she had Daniel arrested. She didn’t like her options so she’s dropped the charges.

MORGAN

So I won’t need to find a new designer?

Bridget heaves a sigh.

BRIDGET

I was hoping you’d want to help Amber, but all you care about is dresses. I’m disappointed.

MORGAN

You really believe Daniel did this?

BRIDGET

It’s not the first time. And it’s not the first time she’s felt like she didn’t have any options other than going back to him.

MORGAN

(baffled)

But she’s a seamstress in her own right. She could work anywhere.

BRIDGET

She needs more than I can give her here. She needs resources, confidence, connections, child care. You name it, she needs it.

A light goes on for Morgan.

MORGAN

(contemplating)

I see. I’ll see what I can do, Bridget.

BRIDGET

Good girl.

MORGAN

See you at guild?

BRIDGET

See you at guild.

Morgan brightens.

BRIDGET

I’m spinning some fabulous silk. Wait ’til you see it.

MORGAN

I’m working with some beautiful silk/yak mix. And it’s my favorite color. See you tonight!

Morgan leaves the office, a little brighter. Bridget shakes her head in disappointment.

</div></div>

[Erin Danly]

Erin’s Twists

What I learned from this assignment is: Twists don’t have to be huge, like the end of The Sixth Sense, they can be small but very effective, as long as they subvert expectations and change the direction of the scene.

(Setup: Richard has recently arrived in 2028 from the year 2055 and is still getting acclimated. At this point, he doesn’t know that another version of himself who was also sent back to this year from the future – Dick – is actually still alive in the past.)

Richard walks down a quiet side street, looking at street signs and trying to orient his map. He sees four men, JACKO, RV, BONE, and TIMMY – shady characters all – hanging out by an old 80s car, drinking and having a good time.

RICHARD

Hi! Hey, gentlemen. Can I have a moment of your time?

They all turn their attention to him and immediately get turn serious, exchanging glances with each other.

JACKO

You have a lot of balls.

RICHARD

Um, thank you. You have a lot of balls, too. So can you tell me how to get to the post office from here? I got this map at the Beach Emporium and it doesn’t have a lot of street names or actual information, just beaches and ice cream stands and other Beach Emporium locations. Which doesn’t really help me right now.

Richard holds out the useless map to Jacko who crosses his arms and doesn’t take his eyes off Richard. The enormous RV takes the map, crumples it up, puts it in his mouth and chews.

RICHARD

Ok.

JACKO

You were supposed to meet us 3 hours ago.

BONE (getting straight to the point)

Where’s our money?

RICHARD

Excuse me?

BONE

Don’t play dumb.

RICHARD (taking a couple steps back)

You know, I think I might just head –

Richard turns to leave but RV gets a hold of him in a gentle chokehold.

JACKO

You said we could trust you. But when you don’t show up for our meeting, when you don’t have our money, when you come here with this weird amnesia act… we can’t trust you. Can we trust you?

RICHARD

You know, gentlemen, I think you have me confused with someone else. I just got to town.

TIMMY

You smoking that wacky stuff again Dick?

RICHARD

No need for name calling.

JACKO

See what he’s got.

With Richard still in RV’s grasp, Timmy pats him down and checks his pockets for money. They’re empty. Timmy looks at Jacko and shakes his head.

JACKO

Looks like you’re coming with us. We can figure out a way for you to pay us back.

RV starts to hustle Richard to the car.

At the end of the street, a man who looks exactly like Richard but who’s wearing a Hawaiian shirt and licking a soft serve cone walks by and sees what’s going on. He hides out of sight around the corner and narrows his eyes to see better. This is DICK, a version of Richard who was sent to this year from 2058.

At the car, RV opens the door and is trying to push Richard inside, but he’s struggling and trying to fight back against this behemoth.

RICHARD

Hey, no, if you think I’m not going to fight this, you are wrong! I am not going with you anywhere! Unless it’s to the post office!

Dick looks concerned. But he’s not concerned enough to stop eating ice cream.

RV finally gets Richard into the car.

JACKO

Wait. He can’t come with us now. We gotta go pick up my girl, remember? We don’t have room.

BONE (chiding in a sing-songy voice)

This wouldn’t be a problem if you got that 3-row SUV like I told you.

TIMMY

Shut up about the Telluride already, Bone. Damn. Just put him in the trunk.

BONE

The stuff’s in the trunk. You know… the stuff?

RV pulls Richard out of the car.

JACKO

Listen, we’re letting you go. For the night. But you will have our money for us tomorrow, right? Right?

RICHARD

Right.

JACKO

And if you don’t meet us here, same time, same place, we will find you.

RICHARD

You know where I live? But I don’t even know where I live.

TIMMY

He hit his head, that’s why he’s acting like this.

JACKO

But before we go, RV has a little goodnight message for you. Something so you don’t forget our meeting tomorrow.

Jacko, Bone, and Timmy get into the car while RV delivers his message.

RICHARD

Oh, really? I haven’t even heard the man speak. This will be interesting. RV, is it?

RV comes up close to Richard and looks at him seriously and silently. Then he punches Richard in the gut, hard. And again. When Richard collapses on the ground, RV knees him in the face.

Dick watches from around the corner, wincing, and licking his cone.

RV gets in the car and they drive off. Richard is doubled over in pain and trying to get his breath back. He curls up in a fetal position on the ground and closes his eyes.

Dick walks over to him and kneels down. When he touches Richard’s arm, Richard flinches.

DICK

Hey, buddy.

Richard opens his eyes and turns to Dick and is shocked at what he sees.

[Emmanuel Sullivan]

Emmanuel’s Twist

What I learned doing this assignment is adding twists to the story, sprinkled throughout, will keep the audience wondering what will happen next. Sometimes twists can trick you into thinking one thing but in the end, something else happens.

[Pablo Soriano]

Pablo Soriano’s Twists

What I learned: Keep em’ guessing.

Irma stares at the advanced paycheck. She turns it and signs her signature on the back. She folds and puts it back in her purse.

IRMA: Kids.

Antonio and Andres enter the room.

IRMA: We’re going to see your father.

The sons look at each other.

ANTONIO: Now?

IRMA: Don’t make me repeat myself. Let’s go.

EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT

Irma is a tiny freight train with two boys in tow.

INT. BUS STATION – NIGHT

Irma and the boys enter. There’s a short line to the front desk.

ANTONIO: Are we going somewhere?

IRMA: Texas?

ANDRES: Texas!? We’re going to the United States?

ANTONIO: What? Now?

IRMA: No.

ANTONIO: When?

IRMA: Whichever day is cheapest.

ANTONIO: I thought we were going see papa?

IRMA: Right after we do this.

They approach the cashier, pudgy middle-aged man. Irma rummages through her purse for the check.

ANDRES: Four tickets to Texas please!

The cashier smiles.

CASHIER: Where in Texas? I’ll need to know which city.

ANDRES: Which city, mama?

She is still searching.

IRMA: El Paso.

CASHIER: What day would you like to travel?

IRMA: I need something as soon as possible but as cheap as possible.

The cashier types on his computer.

CASHIER: It’s always less expensive if you buy at least a couple weeks in advance. You can save a bit more money if you want to leave in a month.

IRMA: How much is a ticket in two weeks?

CASHIER: 524.60 pesos.

IRMA: And children?

CASHIER: 419.55 pesos.

Irma finally finds the check.

IRMA: That should leave us with a little extra. Ok. Let’s go with that.

CASHIER: One adult and two children?

IRMA: Yes, please.

ANDRES: And what about papa?

IRMA: He can meet us there if he wants to.

Beat.

ANDRES: We should tell him where we are going. El Paso.

IRMA: We are on our way right now to tell him, hijo.

ANTONIO: Mama. Are we-

IRMA: We’ll talk about it later. Right now I have to pay the man.

Irma hands him the signed check.

IRMA: Would you be able to give me the difference in cash?

CASHIER: We don’t typically-

IRMA: Please.

Cashier can see the angst on her face. He nods and takes the check. After opening the register and counting some bills and coins he hands her three tickets and cash.

IRMA: Can you break these?

CASHIER: We only have big bills. I’m sorry.

IRMA: No, that’s alright. Thank you.

EXT. CASINO PARKING LOT – NIGHT

The boys are limp with exhaustion as Irma drags them along. Upon approaching the casino entrance, security blocks her path.

DOORMAN #1: No kids.

IRMA: We aren’t here to gamble.

DOORMAN #1: Doesn’t matter. No kids.

IRMA: Well, then you are going to have to watch them. I have to find my husband.

The doorman begins to shake his head.

GORDO (O.S.): He’s not here.

Irma turns to see Gordo, an extremely large man with a babyface.

IRMA: Don’t cover for him, Gordo. You all have taken enough from him already.

GORDO: Irma. He’s not here.

IRMA: Well then tell me where he is.

INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT

Irma stands over Ricardo wrapped up like a mummy, his neck in a brace. All limbs in casts and levitated. Tubes in his throat and nose.

DOCTOR: The police have already filed a report. No witnesses though it does look like it was a group of them.

IRMA: I know who did this.

DOCTOR: Well then you should say something to the police.

IRMA: It wouldn’t do any good.

She turns to him.

IRMA: Can we be alone?

The doctor nods and leaves the room. Irma glares at her husband with zero sympathy.

IRMA: I came to tell you: The boys and I are leaving you.

The Ricardo lies there as still as the IV stand.

IRMA: And you can forget about me covering your medical bill.

She turns and walks out.

[Elizabeth Koenig]

Elizabeth’s Twists

What I learned: maybe twists can sometimes be just a more extreme, unexpected version of what’s happening?

Ed: Responsible, caring, connecting- his extreme trait (of ideas/people); Avoidant-restless as a consequence (changes): Subtext here: Ed’s being driven over the edge

INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – GYM – DAY

Ed, red-faced clearly blowing off steam, bench presses as—

INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – HALL- SAME

The Eligible Women from before—plus a FEW MORE—peek through the window.

NEW ELIGIBLE WOMAN #1

Why are we watching from out here?

ELIGIBLE WOMAN #2

Shhhh. These walls are paper thin.

As she flings open the door-

NEW ELIGIBLE WOMAN #3

Why do we care?

INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – GYM – CONTINUOUS

Led by the new women, the gawkers enter. Begin “using” various equipment as they continue to admire and flirt.

ELIGIBLE WOMAN #2

(Barely pedaling a bike)

Hello Ed

Ed exhales as he strains—nearing his limit as—

Several women crowd in to read the weight of Ed’s plates.

ELIGIBLE WOMAN #3

Oooh! You’re strong!

Ed closes his eyes. More reps than he should without a break. But it’s not to impress.

ELIGIBLE WOMAN #4

Have you pushed the weights up all your life?

Absolutely nothing about this isn’t a struggle—

ED

Uh. No. I don’t know.

(And)

Look, ladies. I need to concentrate or I’ll hurt—

Ed’s right arm falters.

Several women gasp as—

Ed recovers. Sets the bar in it’s rack.

ED

Myself.

Ed glances mournfully at the elliptical he’d use next. That a FRAIL WOMAN unsteadily mounts. As one pedal—

Drops, Ed and Other Women rush to steady her.

ED

(Helps the woman off)

Okay, okay. Maybe the bike.

FRAIL WOMAN

Nah. I’ll just do the mats. Marge says we don’t have to exercise.

ED

Does she.

Ed looks sharply at Marge, who shrugs. As others titter and smile.

Ed glances at the now-free elliptical. Rubs his head.

ED

Maybe I should order up some popcorn and beer?

Sounds of delight.

FRAIL WOMAN

Oh, yes, please!

But how badly he needs this workout—Ed steps onto the elliptical as the door flings open—

GRACE

(Theatrical projection as she enters)

Oh, there you are!

(Exuberantly to the Women)

Alice! Marge! Hello to you, dear Ellen. I can’t wait to hear about those decoration ideas!

Right on Grace’s heels is—

PAT

Told ya. He hides out.

(To Ed)

Well don’t stop on account of us, you old fart.

ED

(Can’t help it)

Oh my God.

Ed pushes past Pat. Out the door. A multitude of animated wedding conversations erupt as everyone follows Ed—

INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – HALL -CONTINUOUS

Down the hall—

No trouble keeping Ed’s rapid pace—

GRACE

I need to ask you about a problem. Maybe we could go back to your apartment?

Tight, on Ed’s other side—

PAT

I’ll get that battery you promised.

The frail woman, clearly smitten, gets an encouraging push from behind. Grabs Grace’s arm as Ed’s accelerates.

FRAIL WOMAN

Let’s do beer and popcorn in your room!

PAT

Paaaarrr-TAY!

The rest of the woman enthusiastically agree as Ed—

Abruptly throws his body against a door that leads into—

INT. GARDENS BY THE WATER – POOL

Walks determinedly to the deep end of the pool and—

Jumps in.

Sinks. Work-out clothes billowing around him like halos as he settles, crossed-legged at the bottom. Buddha peace.