Day 4 Assignment

[Patrick Malone]

LESSON 4

Patrick Malone Max Interest Part 1

What I learned was that using one or more interest techniques elevates and makes a scene more compelling.

Sequence from my script “Even Surfers Get the Blues”.

Logline: Lonnie hikes with his guitar through the Mojave Desert to Twentynine Palms.

Essence: Lonnie must save his guitar from mobsters.

Setup: Lonnie just retrieved his guitar from the mobsters who stole it.

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT – NIGHT

Lonnie trudges across the rocky terrain. He stops and switches the guitar case to his other hand and continues on. The quiet is disturbed by a rumbling engine and loud heavy metal music. Lonnie sees the lights of a vehicle traveling across the distant landscape. It disappears into the night.

NOTE: Suspense is created by this loud unknown vehicle.

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT – DAY

In the early morning light, Lonnie reclines against the crumbling stone wall, the remnants of an ancient house. The guitar case rests by his side. He awakes and rubs his eyes. They focus on two pairs of feet. A cigarette butt hits the ground.

MASE (O.S.)

Can’t be the most comfortable spot.

TIM (O.S.)

You’re taking a chance.

Two men, MASE and TIM, look down on Lonnie. He yawns and slowly, cautiously gets to his feet.

NOTE: Concern, who are these men, are they dangerous?

TIM

Rattlers.

Both men are in their late-twenties. Mase is skinny, unkempt with longish hair. Tim’s green t-shirt reveals a muscular build, his head topped with a Marine cut. Mase points to the guitar case.

MASE

You a wandering minstrel or something?

LONNIE

I play a little.

TIM

I’m trying to learn myself. How about a look?

Lonnie picks up the case.

LONNIE

It’s just an old guitar. Nothing special.

MASE

So why you hiding out here?

LONNIE

I’m not hiding. I’m walking to town, Twentynine Palms.

MASE

Say Tim, maybe it’d be worth him showing us if we give him a lift.

TIM

Sounds fair. A deal kid?

MASE

It’ll save you time and leather.

NOTE: Hope that Lonnie will get to town quickly and safely.

The men step up to Lonnie. Mase takes the case, Tim opens it.

TIM

Oh my, this is an old one, huh Mase?

LONNIE

Hey no, just leave it.

Tim ignores him and takes out the guitar.

NOTE: Fear that Mase and Tim will damage or steal the guitar.

TIM

Funny name, Rickenbacher.

LONNIE

It’s pronounced Rickenbacker.

MASE

German. I bet something like this could speed up your learning.

Over-the-top laughs from Mase and Tim.

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT HIGHWAY – DAY

A 1960 WILLY’S JEEP kicks up dust as it rambles across the desert.

INT. WILLY’S JEEP TRUCK – DAY

Tim pops some pills and swallows them with a swig of gin. He passes the bottle to driver Mase. Lonnie sits in back with the guitar.

TIM

Give our friend a swig.

Tim holds the bottle to Lonnie.

LONNIE

No. I don’t handle liquor.

MASE

Drink.

He shoves the bottle at Lonnie, it falls to the floor and lands on a burlap sack by Lonnie’s feet.

Lonnie reaches for the bottle, but something in the sack undulates. He pushes it away and is shocked to hear the rattle of a snake.

LONNIE

Holy shit.

Tim and Mase laugh.

LONNIE

It’s a rattler. Stop. Let me out.

The snake starts to slither out of the sack. Lonnie kicks at it.

NOTE: Surprise and fear that a poisonous rattler is in the Jeep.

LONNIE

Stop this bloody thing.

Mase cranks the wheel and breaks. Lonnie pushes the back of Mase’s seat and reaches for the door handle.

EXT. MOJAVE DESERT – DAY

Mase pops out of the Jeep, Lonnie bursts out.

LONNIE

What the hell is with the rattler?

Lonnie reaches in for his guitar, but the snake glides on top. Mase yanks Lonnie and throws him to the ground.

MASE

You want out, you got it.

As Lonnie starts to get up, Mase kicks him down. Mase jumps into the vehicle.

NOTE: Betrayal, Mase and Tim are not Lonnie’s friends.

LONNIE

The guitar. Come on I need my guitar.

TIM

Yahoo.

Lonnie lays helpless as he watches the Jeep drive off.

NOTE: Fear that Lonnie has once again lost his guitar.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  Patrick Malone.

[andrea cabanas]

Andrea Cabanas: Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that improves my writing is that we also need to be aware that every action has a reaction, which perfectly helps us when we use those techniques.

Logline: Katrina shows Zoe photos of her and Paula in compromising situations. Katrina asks for answers.
Essence: Zoe still cannot come out to her mother; despite the evidence, she denies it.

INT. MULLER’S HOUSE – LIVING ROOM – DAY
Zoe gets into the house and scans the place.
ZOE
Mom?
She mutters a song and plonks onto the sofa when she spots some pictures on the coffee table.
Zoe leans forward and grabs them.
Her eyes widen when she sees three photos of her with Paula: one shows them together in a car, another shows them kissing, and the last shows them seated on a park bench in a loving embrace.
KATRINA (O.S.)
Shame on you.
Note: Intrigue. What’s going on between mother and daughter? Zoe is in trouble; her mother has discovered her secret.
Zoe turns to her mother.
ZOE
What is this?
Katrina approaches.
KATRINA
You tell me what this is.
ZOE
Is this a joke? Who took this?
Note: Surprise. Instead of backing down, Zoe confronts her mother, a rare move for her.
KATRINA
It doesn’t matter who —
ZOE
Mrs White, of course. Who else but the church’s holy gossip queen, spying on everyone’s lives in the name of Jesus?
Zoe throws the pictures on the table.
KATRINA
You told me you were just friends.
ZOE
I can’t believe you did this. This is so wrong.
Zoe stands up and paces. Katrina fumes, eyes tearing.
KATRINA
We didn’t raise you to become, to become this. Your father was right. I gave you too much freedom, and now look what happens!
ZOE
This is ridiculous. How dare you?
KATRINA
You’re losing control because of this woman, you —
ZOE
What the hell, Mom? It was only a kiss!
KATRINA
Just like with Nina?
ZOE
Are you really bringing that up? I was just a kid.
Note: Suspense. What happened in the past with Nina? Has Zoe always had an interest in girls?
KATRINA
And now you are a woman. Will you confess again? Because this doesn’t look like the only kiss.
Katrina walks away and catches the Bible. Zoe watches her, fists clenched. Katrina returns and holds it out to Zoe, incensed.
Note: Uncertainty – fear. Zoe is taken aback by her mother’s action; she can’t swear on the Bible. It’s a lie, and she will be ‘cursed’.
Zoe stares at it and Katrina.
KATRINA
If you’re telling the truth, go on. Swear it to me with your hand on the Bible.
ZOE
What the…
KATRINA
Go on. Swear that you didn’t have sex with her.
Zoe stares at her mother and the Bible. Zoe hesitates and moves her shaky hand forward, but in a split second, slaps the Bible.
ZOE
Go to hell, Mom.
Astonished, Katrina picks up the Bible from the floor while Zoe snatches her handbag and shuts the door.
Katrina pulls herself together and smooths her hair back, her mouth trembling.
KATRINA
Yes, run away, that’s what you do best.