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Day 4 Assignment
Reply to post your assignment.
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10 Replies
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Amy’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is that when you have hooks in your script you create story questions that make the reader want to keep on reading.
Meagan
Basic character traits: nurturing, motherly, conniving, deceitful
Want/Need: Wants to keep Andrea away from Josh and her kids. Needs to be loved
Paradoxes: She is a loving mother figure to Josh’s kids and to fiancé to him, but she’s not above manipulating them to get what she wants
Secret: She pushed Andrea into the supercollider and caused her to be lost in time
Flaw: She will cheat to get what she wants
Special: She was the apple of her father’s eye until he died tragically in car accident when she was just 8.
Possible areas of subtext: Meagan is sweet and nurturing to Josh, Chloe and Benjamin, but nasty to Andrea when they are alone together.
Josh
Basic character traits: inquisitive, honest to a fault, dad jokes, his kids’ biggest cheerleader
Want/need: Wants to do right by the people in his life, needs to feel like he’s number one to his partner
Paradoxes: He is a hard core rule follower, tough on crime, but also a softie when it comes to his family
Secret: He once hid the details of a crime to keep a family from being torn apart.
Flaw: Has a temper
Special: He comes from a long line of men who were notoriously good at solving crimes.
Possible areas of subtext: Josh is a shark when he is interrogating a criminal, but he’s a pushover when it comes to his family.
EXT. – BASEBALL FIELD – DUGOUT/STANDS – NIGHT
Benjamin keeps looking up in the stands towards where Josh is seated. Josh is distracted on the phone.
BENJAMIN
Dad!… Dad!
Josh tears himself away from his phone.
JOSH
What is it?
BENJAMIN
(mouthing)
Where’s Mom?
Josh throws his one free hand in the air and shrugs his shoulders.
Benjamin’s shoulders slump, disappointed.
WOMAN (O.S.)
Looking for his mom, huh?
It’s MEAGAN DONAHUE, 30s. She’s syrupy sweet and devious at the same time.
Josh is still distracted on the phone, but turns to Meagan.
JOSH
Hang on, Bob.
(to Meagan)
What? Oh. Yeah. She’s working.
Meagan smiles a winning smile at Josh.
MEGAN
Happens a lot, huh?
JOSH
Uh, yeah. Do I know you?
Meagan hold out her hand.
MEAGAN
No. We haven’t been formally introduced. I’m Meagan.
Meagan nods to the outfield.
MEAGAN
Number 3 sitting right next to your kid. He’s mine.
JOSH
Oh. Would you excuse me a second?
MEAGAN
Sure.
JOSH
Bob, can I call you back? Yeah. Just bring him in for questioning. I’ll be there as soon as I can.
Josh clicks off his phone. He turns his attention back to Meagan.
JOSH
Is there something I can do for you?
MEAGAN
No. But there might be something I can do for you.
JOSH
And what’s that?
Meagan whips out a calling card.
MEAGAN
I’m a nanny.
JOSH
Oh. I don’t need-
MEAGAN
It just seems you’re here alone a lot. I thought maybe you could use some help.
JOSH
Why have I never seen you before?
MEAGAN
You’re pretty distracted. I’m always here.
JOSH
Sorry.
MEAGAN
No worries. Well, nice to meet you. Let me know if change your mind.
Meagan saunters off.
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Rob Bertrand’s Hooks
What I learned: I learned that story hooks engage your reader and keep them reading. Hooks can be visual, action, dialogue or even decisions.
Annie Andrews – Protagonist
Basic character traits: Sarcastic, quick tempered, fragile teenager who aches for acceptance.
Character Logline: Annie is a high school student, overwhelmed with guilt over the death of her mother, who’s struggling to come out to her traditional father.Jessica Andrews – Side Character
Basic character traits: Shy, Nervous, Crafty, and inherited her sister’s gift of sarcasm.
Character Logline: An eight-year-old girl becomes obsessed with horror movies after the death of her mother and soon starts to believe there’s a monster living in her closet.INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie tucks Jessica into bed. Jessica stares at the closet suspiciously.
JESSICA
Can you check…the closet? Please? Mom checked for me…every night.ANNIE
Of course.Jessica approaches the closet, reaches out and opens the door. Nothing but clothes.
ANNIE (CONTINUED)
(joking)
If there’s anyone in there…it’s time to leave.There’s no response.
ANNIE
I think you’re good. Just you and me, here.JESSICA
Close it tight.Annie closes the door and pulls it until she hears the latch CLICK.
ANNIE
Get some sleep…I’m gonna take a shower. Good night, Jess.JESSICA
Night…Annie leaves, but before she can close the door.
JESSICA (CONTINUED)
Leave it open!INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Annie turns on the faucet. The shower head bursts to life, as Annie reaches out to feel the water. She adjusts the temperature.
A t-shirt drops to the floor
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – NIGHT
In the dim light, Jessica watches the closet door like a hawk.
The closet door knob begins to turn.
Jessica pulls her blankets over her head, as the door slowly CREAKS open.
Under the blankets, Jessica squeezes her eyes shut as the sound of footsteps walk across her floor. She waits for a long beat, before throwing her covers back.
The closet is open, but no one is there.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Annie lets water cascade down her face, but the shrill sound of Jessica screaming wakes her from a daydream.
ANNIE
Damn it, what now…She rips open the shower curtain to reveal the bathroom door wide open. A large heart has been drawn in the steam on the mirror.
INT. JESSICA’S ROOM – NIGHT
Annie charges into the room, still dripping from the shower, but Jessica is missing.
ANNIE
Jess?JESSICA (O.S.)
Under here!Annie looks under the bed, where Jessica has squeezed herself to hide.
ANNIE
Uh…what are you doing?Jessica points to the open closet door.
JESSICA
We’re not alone…As soon as she says it, a red ball rolls out of the closet.
The sister’s scream.
CUT TO:
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In my project I am confused about what should be a hook, what anticipatory dialogue, suspense, mystery, surprise etc. and how they differ from set-ups and pay-offs. So I am imagining I am Stanley Kubrick and thinking of a spectacular zoom in and out aerial view of the NJ Palisades igneous rock to personify this rock in a way comparable to the tandem narration I have of these rocks alternating with Jake in the novel. I am playing with using a Voice Over for these rocks to see if I can hook viewers although pushing all these devices into what was a thin thriller script risks making it explode into farce. That might be just fine.
EXT. PALISADES – DAY
We PAN along the flat ridge of the New Jersey Palisades, revealing dark brown, uniform rock sandwiched in between a crown of green forest leaves on top and the reflecting rushing waters of the Hudson River below. The MAGMA MONSTERS are a we chorus of these personified igneous rocks.MM
I know you love to admire us from your Metro North train as you move north up the Hudson River. The Lenape Indians called us a row of trees but we are stacked as steady and stalwart as West Point soldiers bored to death until they shoot. You need some stability in between manic Manhattan (CUT TO NYC skyline) and the Hudson Highlands (up and down rocks with more personality.) Still as stone. Hard as a rock. In your changing world, rocks provide comfort, housing, beauty, climbing….Suddenly a group of rocks break away as they CRASH into the river.
Oops!
In the spring of 2020, you complain about your lockdowns because of the
Coronavirus pandemic. How would you like to be locked down for millions of
years, mistaken for a stagnant row of stone trees instead of the splendid
volcanoes that change lives? We are not monsters. We never blew our tops–we
seeped into sedimentary rock, were uplifted, and by the time Father Sky eroded
the mountain enough to let us breathe, our heads were sawed-off so that our columns
looked to the Lenape First Peoples like a row of trees. Now trees grow out of
our rock giving us a red foliage glow in autumn, meek combined to the luscious
lava that gets attention. In 2020 we stand at attention in between West Point
Academic and Manhattan. We tell this story to get your attention, to express
ourselves, and to see inside your bodies and up and down the Hudson from NYC to
Montreal. Sadly, for us, happily for you, we have been still for eons, stalwart
and steady soldiers, guarding the Hudson River valley, as silent and obedient
as soldiers. We never had a climactic explosion out of the top of our heads
like Vesuvius or Mt. St. Helene. After heating up in our magma chamber, we rose
through our vents and seeped into sedimentary sandwiches, buttering up the
slabs like a hot club sandwich. But then we were smothered by uplifting and
sustained years of eroding before we were exposed as the Palisades. We learned
to see the past and the future and to hear the dances inside your bodies like a
microscope and faraway like a telescope.CUT TO IBRAHIM’s telescope on the SUMMIT ROOF.
The HOOK could be BB pulling a fish out of the East River as he camps disguised as a homeless man. But the overarching hook is the personification of the Magma Monsters as has-been igneous rock, frustrated in the longest lockdown.
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Budinscak Hooks
Day 4
What I learned doing this assignment:
o Subtle way to create questions in your story that push the reader/audience to search for an answer.
o Hooks remind me of setups/payoffs.
Character Names:
Jack – slick/street smart, selfish, condescending, generous
Subtext – Conniving
Logline – Jack isn’t a role model, nor does he want to be, but … when presented with a captive audience – his nephews, Puck & Sal – he will present whatever version of his facts as he sees fit.
Cat – demanding, curt, gullible, focused
Subtext – threatening
Logline – Cat’s ‘ready, fire, aim’ style scares everyone in her family, but the longtime Carmine’s employee is well loved by the customers.
Setup:
We’re in the middle of Act 1. Last night, Jack has committed to deliver a package for Don Vito. This morning he’s dropped his Cadillac off at the funeral home for modifications and Jack’s crossing the parking lot to the restaurant.
INT. CARMINE’S – DAY
The restaurant is busy, people wait in line. In the first booth, Sal and Puck sit – Puck wears a backpack. Aunt Cat approaches and the boys sit at attention as Jack enters the restaurant.
JACK
We running a babysitting service now?
CAT
Nah, I’ve got these two tonight. We’re going to have fun, right?
Both boys nod when Cat looks their way.
JACK
Nice backpack, Puck.
PUCK
Thanks.
Sal snickers and Puck kicks him under the table.
PUCK
Stop it, Sal.
Jack walks behind the counter and disappears. Cat turns to her sister, Betty.
CAT
Betty, is it hot in here or is it me?
BETTY
It’s you.
CAT
Where is she?
Betty looks at the thermostat.
BETTY
It says it’s 72 in here.
CAT
I don’t believe it. What does she say?
Cat walks behind the counter directly to a picture of New York City. Underneath the picture is a Statue of Liberty thermometer. Cat studies it.
CAT
76, I knew it. My girl is never wrong. It’s the only thing I trust in here.
JACK (OS)
How about me?
CAT
Like I said, it’s the only thing I trust in here.
Jack walks from behind the counter over to his nephews.
JACK
You two gonna eat?
The boys shake their head no.
JACK
Then get up. We got customers waiting.
Jack pulls both boys out of the booth and walks them to a wall containing pictures of family events held at Carmine’s over the years. Cat walks over and laughs as she points to a picture – Jack is all smiles as Sal and Puck munch on ice cream cones next to his Cadillac.
CAT
The bank ride.
PUCK
It wasn’t funny.
Cat laughs harder. A very large MAN enters the restaurant and hangs by the cash register.
CAT
Jack, your crazy friend, Chick’s here.
SAL
Chick?
Jack waves his friend over and they walk to a table in the back.
SAL
Aunt Cat, that big guy’s name is Chick?
CAT
You gotta ask your uncle about that.
Jack directs Chick to the office in the back while he walks over to Cat.
JACK
I gonna be away for a few days. Just wanted to let you know.
CAT
Where you going?
JACK
Atlantic City.
CAT
I’m not cooking?
JACK
I’ll only be gone for a few days.
CAT
Jack, I’m not going to be responsible for cooking. I don’t want to cook.
JACK
And none of our customers want you to cook either. Tommy said he’d do it. So relax, Cat.
Jack turns, Cat stops him.
CAT
Why you going there?
JACK
I’m doing someone a favor.
CAT
It better not be the old man. Jack, it’s not Don Vito, is it?
JACK
What?
Puck walks by and Jack grabs his backpack causing Puck to stumble, but he keeps going and doesn’t say a thing.
CAT
Jack, leave him alone.
JACK
Leave him alone? He needs me. I’m the only one who can help him grow cajones.
CAT
And what about Sal?
JACK
I’m trying to decide between federal or state prison for him.
SAL
Federal. It’s less work.
JACK
Smart boy.
CAT
That’s like the rat calling the weasel a jerk.
SAL
Huh?
CAT
Don’t sass me, Sal.
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PS 80 Michelle Damis Hooks
Osgood: (used to be Ted…changed the name) Traits: Idealistic, Honest, Loner, Practical
The Vampire/Osgood: goes from a lonely, uncaring, vampire with disdain for humans to wishing he was human again so he could be part of a family.What I learned doing this assignment is what you call “hooks” I guess I think of as seeds in a way. But pretty much the same thing. This scene(s) have a lot of montages, flashbacks and VO which isn’t typically and can get boring f not done well. I’m not sure I understand the best way to format it in Final Draft, but that can be cleaned up later.
INT. COZY LIBRARY TYPE ROOM – NIGHT
A male figure, his identity obscured, sits in an expensive-looking chair next to a fireplace. A well-aged book sits wide open on his lap, his fingers dance along the pages.
Two young adults, one female, one male, obviously related sit on the couch opposite. One of the pair bored, the other uncomfortably fidgety. Both manage to listen respectfully to their host.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Where do I begin? The year was…1987.
CUT TO:
EXT. CONCERT VENUE – NIGHT
Duran Duran on stage playing “Hungry like the Wolf”. The crowd is going crazy. 80s fashion and hair abound.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Correction. The year was 2022, and I was unquestionably the world’s most bored vampire.
This gets the couch occupant’s attention.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Yes, you heard me correctly. A vampire. And I was 1000% bored with my existence. Mundane, un-exciting, un-changing, un-ending eternal existence. The worst curse imaginable, really.
The fire of the fireplace transforms into a fire where garbage is being burned and continues into a montage of the destruction of earth’s resources while Osgood continues.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Second to that was endlessly watching humans waste. They waste everything. The planet, their resources, each other, themselves. They repeat mistake after mistake, they never learn.
Montage continues: Banking, stock market, money, robberies, violence. Black and White Vampire movie footage mixed in
OSGOOD (V.O.)
And greed, stupid slips of paper or pieces of metal that they make the center of their universe and the core of every decision. I would occasionally find amusement in the fact that humans thought vampires were evil. Well, the ones that believe in us anyway. I daresay in terms of evil, I don’t think I often would have won that contest put up against any number of mortals. But, I digress. Back to boredom.
Montage of “boredom clips” into montage of the vampire trying to kill himself.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
There is a saying, “bored to death”. I wish!… Did you know that a vampire cannot kill themselves? Its literally impossible. Trust me, I tried, and tried, and tried.
INT. OLD HISTORICAL BUILDING – NIGHT
Osgood is standing gazing out a window, we still have not seen his face.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
2022. I had been existing for over 600 years. I was living in an abandoned, historical building. It was quite a gem and it was free. I preferred not to use currency whenever possible, it was a little game I played with myself. I played lots of games with myself.
Flashback/Montage of Osgood in past times displaying opulent wealth.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I’ve been a millionaire several times over, it was easy when you had the time on your hands that I did. But it no longer interested me it was like taking candy from a baby, which I had done a time or two.
Clip of Osgood actually taking candy from a baby.(this Is the first time we see his face)Close-up of Osgoods classically handsome face.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
As you can see Vampires don’t look like monsters and we certainly don’t turn into bats.
Osgood at a desk piled with books.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I read a lot. I could pass any number of exams, to be a lawyer, a doctor, an electrician, you name it. Again, time was on my side, although I loathed it simultaneously.
Flashback to Osgood young (circa.1430)and a group of children playing.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
When I was a young human, time was something that never seemed to go fast enough. The irony, my great torment, is that it will never go fast enough. It will never go anywhere for me. To be mortal again. To want time to slow, to savor, to beg for delay of the inevitable mortal condition.
A flashback of Osgood with a dying patient. (or victim??)
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I often envy that moment when I am with a human and they know their time is up and they would give anything for more. I envy, but don’t relate at the same time.
INT. OLD HISTORICAL BUILDING – NIGHT
Osgood turns around in the window we saw earlier. He crosses the room to a mirror and smooths over his hair.
OSGOOD (TO CAMERA?)
Yes, I can see my reflection.
Osgood selects a different jacket off the rack and puts on his shoes. He is getting ready to leave his place.
INT. STAIRWELL ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
Osgood glides down the stairs.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I spent my days out of the sun sleeping and reading.
EXT. VARIOUS CITY STREETS – NIGHT
He exits and camouflages the entry before heading down the street
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Nights, I would meet other vampire acquaintances out and about (there are a couple hundred of us around the world). We’d met up at places typically open late.
EXT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Osgood is walking past a laundromat. A lone person is digging thru a dryer suspiciously looking around as they take out and examine various items.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
All night laundromats were interesting. You wouldn’t believe how many people steal panties out of the laundry, at least there are a few less thanks to me.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Osgood walks past a long wall of a neon-decorated nightclub, the music is thumping from within, not unlike a heartbeat.
OSGOOD (V.O.) OR TO CAMERA NOW?
Nightclubs. We usually have a few drinks. Alcohol has no effect on us, no taste either, nothing does: but blood. We can eat anything but nothing sustains or has flavor: but blood.
He passes a line of people waiting to get into the club, the bouncer recognizes him and lets him cut everyone.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – CONTINUOUS
Osgood now is speaking directly to camera as he walks down a long ramp into the bar.
OSGOOD
Human blood tastes best, animals vary. Sometimes they taste the same.
He stops at a viewpoint to look around. Dozens of millennial mortals writhe on the dance floor(not unlike a pit of snakes)as lights flash and music.
OSGOOD
One day I came upon a family. I was starving. For some reason I just couldn’t do it though. From that
point on I made an effort to, let’s say, “take out the trash” with my meals. It became another game, to pick the most despicable humans I could. I guess I naively thought I could somehow do some good. Evil doing good?
Osgood pauses with a faraway look.
OSGOOD (INTO CAMERA)
I never have made much progress in cleaning things up.
A guy at the bar sneaks a drop of something into a beautiful woman’s drink.
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BOB SMITH’S HOOKS
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
If you don’t have any hooks, look deeper or brainstorm, they are there and are magic when it comes to holding a reader’s or audience’ attention.
THE HOOKS TO MY OPENING SCENES ARE THE STRONGEST I HAVE CREATED THAT OPEN THE WHOLE STORY.
CHARACTER TRAITS AND SCL
EMIL JANNINGS: His traits are that he is Jealous, imperious, fearful (about his possible
loss of star-status and for his future career). Subtext: Deceitful and manipulative.
Logline: Emil Jannings is the Oscar-winning star of “The Blue Angel” but is jealous of Marlene Dietrich whom he fears will undermine his star-status.
MAJOR KENT KERSHAW Friendly, inquisitive, and professional. Subtext: He has to vet Emil Jannings as to whether or not he needs to be de-nazified.
Logline: Major Kershaw is a fan of actor Emil Jannings and realizes that if
he advises that he needs de-nazification, he would end the acting career of
his idol.
EXT. POST WORLD WAR 2 BERLIN AMERICAN SECTOR U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – DAY.
Letters on the façade spell, U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS.
TWO UNIFORMED MILITARY POLICE (M.P.’s) are on guard duty at the gate.
The figure of a man emerges from the rubble, walking toward the M. P.’s. He is EMIL JANNINGS, age 60. He carries an Oscar statuette.
The M. P.’s put their rifles at the ready to aim and shoot.
M. P. #1
(displaying his rifle)
Halt. Who goes there?
JANNINGS
(brandishing the Oscar statuette)
Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot! I won an Oscar!
The M. P.’s ease up and cross to welcome Jannings.
JANNINGS
Thank you, officers. I am Emil Jannings.
M. P. #1
The actor?
JANNINGS
“Best Actor” for “Last Command” and “The
Way of All Flesh.”
M. P. #2
We need to see your papers.
JANNINGS
You bombed Berlin back to the Stone Age and now
you want official papers?! I have no official papers.
I hoped the Oscar would suffice to confirm my
identity.
M.P. #1
Of course it does. Why have you come here?
JANNINGS
Isn’t it obvious? Why else do people appeal
to America but for freedom!
M. P. #2
He needs to be vetted.
JANNINGS
Vetted?
M. P. #2
You have nothing to fear, unless, you have
something to hide.
JANNINGS
What makes you think I might have something
to hide?
M. P. #2
I didn’t say I thought you had something to hide.
Everybody has to be vetted. You have to speak
with Major Kershaw, Mr. Jannings. Follow me.
JANNINGS
“Major Kershaw”?
M. P. #2
Major Kent Kershaw.
M. P. #2 escorts Jannings through the gate and up to the front door of headquarters.
They enter.
INT. U.S. ARMY HEADQUARTERS – OFFICE – DAY.
Jannings is seated at the desk of Major Kent Kershaw, whose name and rank are on a name plate facing Jannings. Jannings has placed his Oscar on the Major’s desk. Kershaw is seated
at the desk, facing Jannings.
KERSHAW
It’s an honor to meet you, Mr. Jannings. “The
Blue Angel” is one of my favorite movies. Your
performance was superb. I am surprised you did
not win an Oscar.
JANNINGS
I am surprised an Oscar did not go to Miss
Dietrich’s legs.
Both share an up-tight laugh. Kershaw’s is sympathy laughter. Jannings’ is just laughing at his own joke.
KERSHAW
I’d like to know about the making of “The
Blue Angel.” But we have things to discuss.
What are you seeking by coming to our
Headquarters?
JANNINGS
I would like political asylum and I hope
to revive my acting career. In fact, I may
want to go back to America. I lived in
Hollywood, you know.
KERSHAW
Well, to give you the privileges you
request, you have to be vetted.
JANNINGS
What is vetted?
KERSHAW
You must demonstrate to a panel of which I am
A member that you do not need de-nazification?
My principal question is: How did an actor –
a man of your stature allow himself to be used
by the Nazis in propaganda films?
JANNINGS
That’s easy. I did it in order to survive. Had I
refused, the Gestapo would have carted me off to
God- knows-where. I am sixty years old, now.
I put up with twelve years under Hitler. I do not
want to live in the Soviet Sector for the rest of
my life under Stalin. That’s why I am here.
KERSHAW
Tell me all about it. We must be satisfied that
you do not need de-nazification.
JANNINGS
De-nazifiecation? I never was a Nazi.
KERSHAW
Tell me how it happened that you were used by
the Nazis
JANNINGS
Well, I’ll tell it as best as I can remember. You’ll
be glad to know, in fact, it goes back to the time of
the making of “The Blue Angel.” It was 1929, your
Stock Market crash was devastating to Germany.
Nazi Party membership soared. I experienced the
violence of the Stormtroopers, first hand. It was on
an evening, early in the production, when Marlene
Dietrich treated us all to a night on the town. Marlene
and I still got along at that time. It wouldn’t last long.
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Pablo’s Hooks
What I learned: I’m hoping that my hooks are strong enough. There is constant conflict in this story. Making it harder for Irma to get her sons across the border might help. It asks the question: What will happen to them? Can they make it? I’ll try to brainstorm other ideas to hook the reader but this scene helps because it’s just never easy for the protagonist.
EXT. DESERT – DAY
The caravan trudges along. Carlos signals the group to stop.
IRMA: Why are we stopping?
CARLOS: I won’t be long.
Carlos takes a couple of the men aside to talk. When Irma tries to listen in, he moves them further away.
SYLVIA: At this rate, it will take us days.
Irma watches the three men talk. They keep looking up at the sky. Irma looks around to see what they might be looking at but doesn’t see anything. The three men break from their discussion.
CARLOS: I’m going on ahead. I’ll be back shortly.
IRMA: Carlos, what’s going on.
CARLOS: I’m going to need you to trust me.
IRMA: It’s a bit hard to trust you if you keep things from us.
CARLOS: I’ll be back soon.
As the group rests, there’s a bit of murmuring amongst some of the crowd.
MIGRANT: There it is?
Someone points to the sky. At first Irma doesn’t see it.
ANDRES: Mama. There.
He points and Irma follows her son’s gaze. She squints. It’s small and high up there. She sees it. A drone. It hovers over them.
MIGRANT#2: What is that?
MIGRANT#3: A drone.
MIGRANT#4: What’s it doing there?
MIGRANT#5: Is it following us?
The group begins to show worry. Carlos’s men try to calm the group down. Carlos returns and is immediately rushed by the group. Realizing that the cat was now out of the bag, he speaks.
CARLOS: We are being watched.
MIGRANT#3: Who is watching us?
CARLOS: I don’t know.
IRMA: What does this mean?
CARLOS: I’m not sure. They’ve been following us for a while.
IRMA: They? There’s more than one?
CARLOS: By my count there’s four of them.
The crowd rabbles.
CARLOS: Let’s rest so we can talk about a plan.
IRMA: We have to keep moving, Carlos.
Carlos ignores her and moves past her.
CARLOS: Let’s build a fire and set up camp.
The crowd is uneasy. One of the families pushes forward.
CARLOS: Hey! I said: we stop.
MIGRANT#5: You said you counted four? Well they can’t follow all of us.
CARLOS: There could be more. And if you go on now, I’d bet one follows you too.
MIGRANT: You don’t know that. They could just be following the group. Not likely that they’ll brother catching a few birds when they can catch the entire flock.
This strikes a chord with the rest of the caravan. Other families begin to break away. Some go East. Some go West.
CARLOS: Hey! Hey!
They ignore him.
CARLOS: You’re not even going the right way.
MIGRANT#3: We go North, right? We are just trying to get as far away from his area as possible. Then we will head to borderline.
Irma watches as the group begins to break from the seams.
IRMA: Carlos what do we do?
Carlos doesn’t hear her as he tries to gather the group back together. Antonio tugs at his mother’s sleeve.
ANTONIO: Let’s go.
Irma is completely lost in all this.
ANTONIO: Mama.
IRMA: I don’t want to leave the group.
ANTONIO: Mom, the group is leaving us.
Sure enough, most parties split and are moving in different directions. Only a scant few stay behind with Carlos. Irma approaches him.
IRMA: Carlos. What do you think we should do?
CARLOS: I don’t know.
This was not the answer she expected nor wanted. With a huff, she grabs her boys and continues the trek. Andres pulls back.
ANDRES: But mama. Do we know where we are going?
IRMA: You heard them. North. Let’s go.
INT. PRODUCTION STUDIO – DAY
Pete eating microwave mac n’ cheese when he notices the actions of the caravan.
PETE: We’ve been spotted.
Frank peers back from his desk.
FRANK: What’s happening.
PETE: They’re splitting up.
FRANK: Send more buzzards. Make sure to stay on the largest groups.
PETE: Might be hard to find the others by the time they get there.
FRANK: Doesn’t matter. Chances are we’ll find most of them.
PETE: OK.
Frank suddenly remembers…
FRANK: Wait. Stay on that one.
He points at the screen. Irma and her sons are about to walk out of view. Pete follows them.
PETE: But there are only three of them.
FRANK: Just stay on them.
Pete is confused by Frank’s request.
PETE: Her odds are low. Only few bettors on this one.
FRANK: Just… stay on them.
Pete shrugs. He zooms out the camera view. Types something on the computer. Back to work.
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Janeen’s Hooks
What I learned doing this lesson is
Character:
Morgan Day
Basic Character Traits: Insecure; Curious/Eager to learn; Perfectionist — can’t leave well enough alone; Bold under pressure
Subtext Character Traits: Intimidated, Crafty
Logline: Morgan is a wealthy fashionista who wants to help other women to prove to herself that she is not just a trophy wife.
Possible areas of subtext: Pretends to believe she is inferior to her husband. Collects friends who help intimidated women while not realizing she is intimidated. Pretends altruism while her work is a form of revenge against her husband.
SCENE
INT. FIBER GUILD MEETING – LATER
The Fiber Guild meeting is underway. Each member is employed in a fiber art such as spinning (electric or other treadle wheel), weaving on a portable loom, knitting, crocheting, embroidery, etc.
BRIDGET is middle-aged, always moving and sure she knows best. She operates the local women’s shelter and does a lot of charity knitting and crocheting to help her clients.
CINDA has been on the police force for ten years. She’s tough and mediates in most situations rather than fighting. She is savvy and practical in her work and makes a lot of hats and socks for the homeless.
EMILY is a family law lawyer, seasoned and pragmatic for her clients, but often waxes pedantic, smug in her knowledge of how the courts are likely to decide a case. She usually tempers her clients’ expectations. Her fiber projects are done for stress relief and she often foists the finished products on her relatives.
RHONDA, an ER nurse is both caring and domineering. She knows what her patients should be doing, but also knows what they are likely to do instead which has left her war weary and irritable. Her projects are generally utilitarian and for family members.
MORGAN enters and settles into a vacant spot, taking out her current project while spilling her version of why she’s late.
BRIDGET
You’re late.
MORGAN
I have it on good authority that Daniel Richards, my designer, has been arrested.
CINDA
What for?
MORGAN
Not important. He’s going to rot in jail and I won’t have anything to wear to the gala where Gavin’s being honored and he’s not going to like it if I wear some nobody’s dress.
CINDA
Your designer’s been arrested and all you care about is the dress he was making for you?
MORGAN
If he’s a criminal he should be in jail. And if he’s in jail, I have to find a new dress. Do any of you know of — never mind. I’ll find one.
She has her project out and begins working on it. Cinda looks pointedly at Morgan.
CINDA
Now that we’re all here,
She turns to Rhonda.
CINDA
What’s everyone working on tonight?
RHONDA
I’m making a new hat for my youngest.
She holds up the partially made hat.
EMILY
He lost the one you made last month?
RHONDA
He’s always losing something.
CINDA
I think he’s selling them. He’s probably set up a black market for your great hats at his school.
Everyone laughs and Morgan relaxes.
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Emmanuel’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is hooks are great to use in scripts because they leave the reader with a question. They can be subtle in dialogue and action. I like when hooks are revealed in visuals.
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Jodi’s Hooks – Day 4
Hooks are important to have in your scenes or story as a whole. It creates questions by visuals, action dialogue. The best hooks to have are driving stakes higher throughout.
Character Name: Elizabeth Bailey
Subtext Identity: Vengeful
Character Traits: Loving, Assertive, Sorrowful
Subtext Logline: Elizabeth finds momentary relief in alcohol.Character Name: Charles Wright
Subtext Identity: Committed, Withholding
Character Traits: Grounded, Ethical, Loyal
Subtext Logline: Charles loves Elizabeth and is committed to her recovery and healing.INT. ELIZABETH AND CHARLE’S HOME – MORNING
Elizabeth is sitting on the couch. She looks despondent staring at a blank television screen.
CHARLES: (carefully) What’ya looking at Hon?
ELIZABETH: I can’t keep on like this.
Charles goes to hold her. She rises up quickly out of his grasp. Charles looks perplexed.
ELIZABETH: It’s the same old story.
Elizabeth is now in front of the liquor cabinet. She stares at it adoringly, she strokes the sides of the cabinet and looks relieved. Then all at once she looks anguished and defeated. Putting her head on the liquor cabinet’s glass she rocks back and forth. With frustration growing inside her she slams her head against the glass and shatters it. Charles jumps towards her trying to help. She signals him to stop.
ELIZABETH: You can’t save me!
She grabs a fifth of whiskey likes it’s her dearest friend. Quickly she takes the cap off and starts to gulp it down. Charles sits back down frustrated.
CHARLES: Has that helped?
Elizabeth turns to him, traces of blood streaming down her face. Charles can’t stand to see it, he looks down.
ELIZABETH: No! Thus me saying “I can’t go on like this” asshole!
A hint of upset registers on Charles’ face.
CHARLES: I’m here for you E.
ELIZABETH: (sarcastically) I’m here for you E, I’m here for you E. Fuck you and every goddamn other person on this planet!
Elizabeth sinks into the couch away from Charles. She continues to hug the whiskey bottle.
ELIZABETH: (much calmer) It’s not working anymore Charlie, I have to do my own thing.
She starts drinking more.
ELIZABETH (cont.): Goddamn!
CHARLES: I think we need professional help.
ELIZABETH: Nothing’s going to help. It’s over. Our life. (beat) Our happiness. It’s over.
Charles goes to Elizabeth and wraps his arm around her. She is in agony and crying.
CHARLES: We don’t know until we try.
Elizabeth is sobbing hysterically now, still hugging her fifth.
ELIZABETH: My baby.
She wails. Charles holds her tightly as they rock back and forth.
CHARLES: I love you and I’m gonna fight for you.
Elizabeth still sobbing takes a few moments and then sobs in agreement.
CHARLES: We can go to a session tomorrow. Can you fight instead?
Elizabeth angrily throws the bottle of whiskey against the wall.
ELIZABETH: (through tears) I can. I can fight. I can fight!
CHARLES: That’s my girl!
He hugs her, she is still crying but she has a small glimmer of relief and hope on her face.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING HALLWAY – EVENING
Charles and Elizabeth approach a sign that reads:
INSERT:
Grief Counseling:
Living with Loss
Welcome, please come in.
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