Day 4 Assignment

[George Verongos]

Lesson #4 Maximum Interest—Interest Techniques

George Verongos

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is that there are many ways to keep an audience interested, not just explosions or big fight scenes, and interest techniques can help with pacing.

Logline: Terry finds out that Toby, his best friend, has been lying to him and keeping secrets.

Essence: Terry is betrayed.

Interest Techniques: Mislead, Betrayal, Intrigue, Surprise

54. INT. TOBY & TAMMY’S HOUSE – LATER

He follows a mover through the open front door, through the house, and into the kitchen, something he has done many times before. Toby’s back is to Terry. He is reaching into the fridge for a beer. Terry looks at his watch, it is 11 AM. He notices the counter is full of crushed empty beer cans and an empty bottle of Jim Beam.

Tammy comes around the corner startled to see Terry.

TAMMY (glaring): You shouldn’t be here.

TOBY: Who you talking to?

He closes the fridge and is shocked to see Terry there when he turns around. He looks horrible, bloodshot eyes, grayish skin, and reeks of alcohol.

TOBY: I guess you heard we’re reassigned.

TERRY: I just wanted to say goodbye. I… wish you good luck…

Toby looks Terry in the eye.

TOBY: Do you remember what happened, Terry? At the campsite?

Tammy brushes past them and clears her throat to interrupt their conversation.

TERRY (swallows hard): Yeah, some of it. They hurt us… I don’t know why, but they hurt us. And our lives are ruined because of it.

Terry is tearing up.

TERRY: I better go.

TOBY: Hold on. There’s something I gotta say to you, something that’s been weighing on me, and I don’t get it off my chest now, I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance again.

TERRY: What is it?

TOBY: It was my fault.

Terry gives Toby a confused look.

TOBY: They told me to take you there.

TERRY: They? They who? Who told you?

Terry’s voice raises.

TOBY: Sgt. Elliot, he told me when and where to take you. He said the AF was testing a new helicopter and wanted surprise reactions from airmen. He suggested I take you.

Toby starts crying a little.

TOBY: I’m so sorry, Terry.

TERRY: Sgt. Elliot, our CO? Why? And you knew? Why would you let those horrible things torture us?

Terry slides between shock and anger. Movers carrying boxes, etc., past them give them side-eyes.

TOBY: No, Terry. I didn’t know about those, those creatures. Please believe me. Why would I ever agree to be subjected to that? I just thought we were going to see some new tech together. Sarg lied to me. Terry, brother, please.

Terry puts the pieces together.

TERRY: I believe you, Tobe. But it doesn’t explain why Sarg would lie or why they’re treating us like criminals. You did what he wanted you to do, so why punish us?

Sheila honks the horn for Terry.

TERRY: That’s Sheila. I better go.

Terry puts his hand out to Toby, who grasps it and pulls Terry to him in a one-armed man hug and bursts into tears.

TERRY: You’re gonna be alright, brother. We’re gonna be alright.

Sheila honks more urgently. Toby wipes at his tears.

TOBY: Thank you, Terry. For everything. Love ya, brother.

TERRY: Love ya too, man.

Sheila just lays on the horn.

TERRY: She’s a little impatient. She didn’t want me to see you.

Terry turns and walks toward the open front door, through which he sees there is an unmarked military police car behind Sheila, boxing her in. The OFFICER in the passenger side waves and smiles sarcastically at Terry when he exits Toby’s house. Terry ignores them.

[Kristina Zill]

KZ’s Maximum Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is finding the scene’s essence, then using Maximum Interest techniques while rewriting.

Logline: Oliver is intrigued by Tony and wants to unravel his mystery.

Essence: Tony admits that he does not have control over his life.

Rewrite techniques:
• Suspense
• Superior position / Dramatic irony
• Intrigue

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY – DAY
Tony saunters down the hallway, only to discover that Nolan’s door, #12E, is ajar. He peers in. Silhouetted against the window light is Nolan, in conversation with the Detective. Tony ducks out of sight before the others turn in his direction. He tries the handle of #12F, Oliver’s door. It’s unlocked. Tony lets himself in.

INT. OLIVER’S APARTMENT – DAY
Tony, at the door, turns and sees Oliver, whose face registers both surprise and dismay.

TONY
Hello again.

OLIVER
Hello again.

TONY
Sorry about this.

Tony eyes the open sliding glass door, walks straight past Oliver and closes it.

OLIVER
Please. Just make yourself at home.

TONY
(gestures next door)
Nolan’s interviewing the detective.

OLIVER
Other way around, maybe?

Oliver indicates the other side of the couch. They perch on opposite ends.

OLIVER
I’m trying to be a little careful during the pandemic.

TONY
Oh, me too.

OLIVER
I’m also drinking way too much. Care to join me?

TONY
Love to.

Oliver opens the fridge, pulls out the rosé.

TONY (CONT’D)
Was that champagne?

Oliver puts the rosé back, pulls out a bottle of champagne.

TONY (CONT’D)
Unless you were saving it for something special.

Oliver pops the top, pours two flutes, hands one to Tony.

TONY
Tony.

OLIVER
Oliver.

TONY
Here’s to making it special.

They gesture at each other’s glass and drink.

OLIVER
So you were out. In the city.

TONY
I went for a walk. Can’t stand it sometimes, being cooped up, living somebody else’s script, ya know?

OLIVER
And you’re careful?

TONY
Of course.

OLIVER
How long have you lived next door?

TONY
Technically, I don’t.

OLIVER
Aha. But your partner does, the one who–

Tony stops him by holding up his index finger and listening.

The sound of a DOOR CLICKING SHUT. A beat, then a KNOCK at Oliver’s door.

TONY
I was never here.

He heads towards and then slides open the glass door. Downs his drink. Doesn’t know what to do with the flute. Stashes it in the potted plant. Closes the door. Puts his finger to his lips. He climbs over the balcony railing.

The KNOCK again, more insistent. Oliver answers it to find Detective Uhm, who flashes his badge.

DETECTIVE UHM
Yeah, uh. Just checking in.

Oliver leans on the door jamb, unwelcoming. Michelle arrives, grabs the detective by the hand and pulls him past Oliver, into the apartment.

MICHELLE
What did I miss? Anything good?

Oliver speaks sarcastically to the empty doorway.

OLIVER
Hello, Michelle, Detective Uhm. How’s the social distancing today?

DETECTIVE UHM
Just a couple of questions, if I may–

The Detective pulls out his pad, glances at his notes.

DETECTIVE UHM (CONT’D)
Apartment 12E. You ever have contact with the people next door?

OLIVER
Just to say hello to.

DETECTIVE UHM
Rumor has it the man likes to do original research for the murders in his novels.

OLIVER
Haven’t read ’em.

MICHELLE
What about when you ‘say hello’? He ever talk to you about his new book?

DETECTIVE UHM
M’am, if you don’t mind–

MICHELLE
Oh! Apologies. Anybody but me thirsty?

Michelle moves to the kitchen, sees the champagne. She opens the correct cabinet door (she’s been here before) and grabs two beautifully ornate wine glasses.

DETECTIVE UHM
When you’ve “said hello” — Any mention of his new book? Ways of killing off characters?

OLIVER
(to Michelle)
Careful! That’s a precious heirloom.
(to Detective)
Uh, no. Excuse me.

Oliver removes the wine glasses from the counter, fills two generic champagne flutes. Michelle grabs them and heads to the Detective, who is examining a collection of extravagant shoes on a roll-around wardrobe.

MICHELLE
Okay, so what are we celebrating?

She tries to hand the Detective champagne.

DETECTIVE UHM
I don’t drink.

MICHELLE
That’s amazing! Neither do I!

He goes back to examining the shoes. Keeping her eye on him, she downs one glass, then the other, hands the empties to Oliver and burps daintily.

MICHELLE (CONT’D)
Have you found a clue, Detective Yum?

DETECTIVE UHM

Uhm. Well, they’re the right size, but they’re all pairs.

OLIVER
You’re looking for the dead guy’s shoe…in my apartment?

DETECTIVE UHM
I’m looking for a shoe. I detect that you have a bunch of shoes. That’s what I do – I detect things.

Michelle walks to the sliding glass door and opens it, as though giving a tour to a prospective tenant.

MICHELLE
You see, Detective? On this side of the building, all apartments have a balcony. But only these two are joined.

She spies the glass in the potted plant.

MICHELLE (CONT’D)
Oh, what have we here? Hmmm. It’s a champagne glass. Did I just detect a clue, Detective?

DETECTIVE UHM
Doubtful.
(to Oliver)
Have a nice day.

He scribbles a note and snaps his notebook shut.

MICHELLE
If you need to question me again, I’m available.

DETECTIVE UHM
I have your statement, m’am.

MICHELLE
Please. Call me Michelle.

The Detective heads for the door.
As Michelle passes Oliver, she says, quietly,

MICHELLE
I didn’t know Tony liked champagne.

The Detective exits, followed closely by Michelle.
Oliver’s expression: what just happened?

Oliver places his guests’ used champagne glasses in the sink and spritzes them with cleaner.
Tony appears at the open door. He slips in, and places a single shoe among the others.
Oliver wants to refill his glass with champagne, but there are only a few drops left.
He grabs another bottle and as he twists the closure, he turns to see–
Tony is perched on the far edge of the couch.
Oliver, startled, pops the champagne cork, which shoots across the room and hits Tony.

OLIVER
Oh! I’m so sorry!

Tony maintains his composure, holds out his own glass, retrieved from the potted plant.

TONY
My timing is perfect.

Oliver arches an eyebrow at Tony’s presumption and fills his glass.

OLIVER
Michelle said you don’t like champagne.

TONY
(shrugs)
It feels right for this moment.

OLIVER
Sounds like you have a history.

TONY
As a drinker?

OLIVER
With Michelle.

TONY
Nolan did.

OLIVER
Nolan is the writer.

TONY
Nolan Harris. You’ve heard of him.

OLIVER
No, I– don’t have much time to read. Well, in the Before times I didn’t. Guess I do now.

TONY
Yeah, so she and Nolan had a thing… Back when Michelle was Michael. Long before I arrived on the scene.

OLIVER
So how does she know what you drink?

TONY
No doubt she monitors the empty bottles leaving the apartment.

OLIVER
That, I could believe.

Awkward silence. They sip drinks. They both speak at once.

OLIVER
So I thought that–
TONY
What happened with the–??

An “after you, Alfonse” moment. They laugh. Tony gestures for Oliver to speak.

OLIVER
You said it would be bad if your partner saw me.

TONY
It would.

OLIVER
But you’re not worried now?

TONY
He’s writing. Said he had “hot hands.” Very excited about the Detective’s visit. Gave him an idea for a plot point in his new novel.

OLIVER
Won’t he wonder where you’ve gone?

TONY
He’ll assume I went out. He hates it when I do, but I can’t stay in, pacing around the apartment like a caged animal.

OLIVER
You’re not worried about catching the virus?

TONY
Outside? Nah.

He takes a face mask from his pocket, puts it on: a grinning skeleton. Eerie. He lowers the mask, replacing the printed grin with his own.
Another awkward silence.

OLIVER
I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry, but–

TONY
Uh-oh. I might need some more hooch.

Oliver refills his glass.

TONY
Okay. Pry away.

OLIVER
Why would it– or HOW would it– be bad for you.

TONY
He’s insanely jealous.

OLIVER
Nolan.

TONY
Very possessive.

OLIVER
Jealousy… it’s so high school.

TONY
Right? Like Susie’s going to the prom with Jimmy!

They share a laugh. Tony drops it, becomes suddenly serious.

TONY (CONT’D)
Yeah, that’s not it at all. I’m talking ownership of the other person. Where you can’t bear for them even to look at someone else. The kind of jealousy that eats away at you from the inside.

OLIVER
Why put up with it?

Tony ponders a moment.

TONY
That feeling of being loved. It’s oppressive, yes. But to know that it’s you he wants, and no one else. That he’d actually kill to hold onto you.

OLIVER
(not believing it)
Kill? Really.

TONY
He based the hero of his last two novels on me. To be immortalized… What can I say? It’s seductive.

Oliver gets lost in his eyes. The spell is broken by Nolan’s voice next door, calling out the front door.

NOLAN (O.S.)
Tony? Antonio!

Tony sets down his glass. Oliver follows him to the front door.

TONY
Maybe we could finish this conversation later.

OLIVER
But can you get away?

TONY
Yes.

OLIVER
I make a rather extraordinary risotto.

TONY
One of my favorites.

OLIVER
Nine o’clock?

TONY
See you at nine.

Tony opens the front door a crack, makes sure the coast is clear, slips out. Oliver eavesdrops, as Tony inserts his key next door.

NOLAN (O.S.)
Where were you?

TONY (O.S.)
I went for a walk.

NOLAN (O.S.)
There’s a pandemic, in case you hadn’t heard.

The door slams shut. Oliver takes a moment to process his feelings, then heads for the kitchen.

[Amechi Ngwe]

Amechi’s Max Interest (Part 1)

What I learned that is improving my writing is to use as many interest techniques as I can that fit well into my scene but highlight the use of one of them to make it stand out.

SELECTED SCENE

Ed pitches Stan on joining his group but hears his son is missing and leaves.

ESSENCE OF SCENE

Ed’s son is important to him, no matter what he says.

TWO INTEREST TECHNIQUES TO ADD

Suspense – Ms. Peters trying to get Ed’s attention.

Mislead/Reveal – Ed says Stan is the most important thing right now / Ed leaves to go and find his missing son.

REWRITTEN SCENE

Ed stares at Stan, both of their faces are blank. Poker stares. Ed’s eyes drift from Stan to Ms. Peters, outside the door, waving her phone at Ed.
Ed pulls Stan sideways to look out at the glorious green grass of the football pitch.

ED
The fans will come around to this if the right voice tells them to. Can I count on you?

STAN
I still have concerns mate.

ED
This is happening. So you can get on board, or be concerned about getting rained on.

STAN
Don’t push me.

The door creaks open. Ed glances at Ms. Peters popping her head in. She looks worried.

ED
I’m only… Look, I’m honored you’ve come here and I wouldn’t be speaking to you unless I thought you were very important—

STAN
Lucky me.

MS. PETERS
Sir—

ED
Later.

Ms. PETERS
But your wife said—

ED
I said later!
(Turns to Stan)
I’m committed to making this work between us—

Ms. Peters grabs Ed’s arm and drags him away.

MS. PETERS
Your son’s missing, Ed!

Ed is stunned. His legs carry him out of the room before he knows what’s happening. Ms. Peters regains her composure and turns to Stan, who looks puzzled. She gestures for him to follow her out.

[Edward Lusk]

Ed’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned that is improving my writing is having these techniques in mind, and designed to be included in the scene, improves the quality over just writing the scene to satisfy plot and scene purpose. Scenes that include these techniques are more interesting.

Essence of the scene – Henry’s feels betrayed by a friend.

Scene Logline – We meet Ezri, Henry’s friend, despite her efforts she doesn’t help Henry’s situation.

Interest Techniques:

More interesting setting – moved to mall food court.

Suspense – Ezri is coming – who is Ezri? What is the amazing news?

Surprise – Ezri has her first Instagram sponsor.

Mislead/Reveal – Henry yanks his hand away from Ezri’s. They’re not that close.

Twist – Henry thinks Ezri wants to poach his followers for her own account.

Uncertainty Fear/Hope – Henry’s failed as a influencer, Henry’s got followers

INT. SHOPPING MALL – FOOD COURT – DAY

Diffusing skylights and fiberglass furniture. Henry sits alone, his table filled with a cornucopia of fried junk food. His phone PINGS. A text, “CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU. AMAZING NEWS – E.”

Henry sighs deeply then sucks up a smoothy. Muzak drifts over the PA system.

Beat.

A girl approaches about Henry’s age, her effervescence irrepressible. Her eye glasses a lifestyle statement. Shopping bags casually rest in the crux of her elbow. She most certainly is, EZRI Dazzle.

HENRY

I know what you’re going to say Ezri so please don’t.

EZRI

Buoyancy is rooted in the comfort of a trusted friend. Oh, puppies, I should use that in my blog.

Henry sulks on.

EZRI (Cont’d)

So I got your text. Bummer about your dad’s company.

HENRY

Merry Christmas.

Ezri sits nearly unable to contain her daily report of super exciting news.

EZRI

There will be no feeling sorry for yourself Henry. Not this time.

HENRY

No one understands me, Ezri.

EZRI

I absolutely do.

HENRY

Go explain me to my dad.

Ezri sets down the shopping bags.

EZRI

Cheer up time. I have good news. No, swipe that. I have absolutely amazing news.

Henry’s is in a place too far away to care.

EZRI

Henry, I have my first brand sponsor! Can you believe it? My Insta’s going to explode! Please be happy for me. Please times a hundred!

Ezri clutches Henry’s hand. He jerks it away.

HENRY

Why are you acting weirder than normal?

EZRI

We going to look beyond that negativity for a just a sec.

Ezri stares off into the distance for a beat.

HENRY

Please, showing other girls how to dress is not amazing, it obnoxious.

That hurt. Henry checks his phone.

HENRY

Amped! Ezri, over three hundred new followers! I got to tell mom!

EZRI

That is wonderfully strange. How about a selfie with your bestie?

Henry’s brightened mood fades into irrational realization.

HENRY

Wait. Now I get it. You understand me alright. You want me to tag you, Ezri, you’re poaching my new followers.

EZRI

@Ezridazzles is supremely capable of increasing followership without tagging you, @HenryPlLovesToys, who not in the toy space at the moment.

HENRY

I thought we were friends. I am so swindled.

Henry takes off running.

EZRI

Wait! Henry. You have it all wrong. Why do boys always have to run away?

Ezri fast walks after him, struggling to catch up.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by  Edward Lusk.

[gary weskrna]

Gary Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is: To use essence and these max interest techniques to brainstorm multiple expressions of a scene or character instead of just the one that needs to be there because the structure dictates it.

Logline: It’s the hookup scene between the main protagonist and the main antagonist. Boy and girl get together so they can part later on. The night before a big match the antagonist knocks on the protagonist’s hotel room door to have sex with him.

Essence: It’s about putting their personal rivalry and ambitions aside and realizing they are more alike than different.

Suspense – when the protagonist opens the door and sees her standing there we the audience and him the protagonist think she’s going to hurt him verbally or physically. As we’ve seen her do with other contestants.

Major twist – but after telling him all the things she doesn’t like about him she disrobes and sprays whip cream on her chest for him to lick off of her.

Surprise – we think she’s there to tell him off but really she came to have sex with him.

Character changes radically – Our hero goes from fearing her to being head over heels for her

Betrayal – But is she really just fattening him up the night before the big competition. Gamesmanship and doesn’t really care about him. That’s what the mentor thinks.

Uncertainty – hope/fear – we hope that’s not the case but we fear it is when she wins the competition the next day Because he’s too bloated and tired from the night before.

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

There’s a knock on the door.

PROTAGONIST

(through the door to the mentor who’s just left the room)

You don’t have to tuck me in. I’m a big boy.

He opens it. She stands there. In all her profane glory. Looking mean.

PROTAGONIST

Can I help you.

She reaches into her purse…

PROTAGONIST

(flinches)

Please don’t hurt me.

And pulls out a can of whip cream. Holding it in her hand

ANTOGONIST

You going to let me in or we going to do this out in the hallway?

She doesn’t wait for an answer. She pushes past him and walks in.

ANTOGONIST

Close the door.

He does. She walks to the middle of the room and turns to face him. Looking him up and down. Taking him all in.

ANTOGONIST

You’re not very handsome, are you? And not too tall either.

PROTAGONIST

I try to be taller…

ANTOGONIST

(laughs)

And you gurgitation skills are amateur at best. I must say.

(shaking her head)

Nope. I have tell ya, I don’t see much in the way of redeeming qualities.

PROTAGONIST

(quietly, almost to himself)

I don’t think you just had to tell me that.

ANTOGONIST

What was that?

PROTAGONIST

Nothing. Listen why don’t you just do what you came to do to me and get it over with.

ANTOGONIST

Right to the point. I do like that.

She walks toward him and stops right in front of him.

He shuts his eyes hard, waiting for whatever it is.

She reaches down and pulls off her t-shirt exposing her naked back to us, her front only to him.

Then she shakes the can of whip cream and sprays it onto her chest covering up her breasts.

ANTOGONIST

Well?

Confused he opens one eye to look and then the other.

There she stands in front of him with whip cream covering her breasts and two maraschino cherries where each nipple would be.

He’s just stares. Dumbstruck.

ANTOGONIST

So, you going lick me like a banana split or what?

INT. HOTEL ROOM – NEXT DAY

There’s a knock on the door. The protagonist opens it.

MENTOR

Good Morning! We all ready to rum….ble

He looks around the room and it looks like a food bomb went off. Pizza boxes littered about the floor. Ribs and fried chicken bones scattered across the sheets. Beans and rice smeared above the headboard.

MENTOR

What in the holy hell happened last night? Lil’ midnight snack?

PROTAGONIST

Me and…her… we kind of…

MENTOR

No,no,no,no,no

PROTAGONIST

Yeah… hooked up.

MENTOR

Oldest trick in the book.

PROTAGONIST

What are you talking about?

MENTOR

Fattening you up. Before a big meet.

PROTAGONIST

No, she wouldn’t do that.

MENTOR

And you fell for it. Hook, line and

rib roast.

[Judith Watson]

Reunion from Hell – Opening Scene:

Sisters are not always loving relations.

Essence: Rachel loses it and goes on her revenge rampage.

Interest: Surprise and change in character

What I learned is thinking interest techniques stimulates the rewriting of a scene.

REUNION

FADE IN:

EXT. MIDDLE CLASS NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT

Quiet streets. Christmas decorations and lights adorn the houses creating a cheery atmosphere.

A black MERCEDES sits in front of Rachel’s house.

INT. RACHEL’S HOUSE – NIGHT

A modest living room decorated for Christmas. In one corner a dried out Christmas tree with all the trimmings.

Candles sit on every available spot. They are arranged in an orderly fashion.

MOM,75, sits in a comfortable recliner watching her daughter, RACHEL PAYNE,34, light the candles. Rachel is an intent woman. She’s singly directed and once she makes up her mind, nothing will change it. She always feels she is right.

A concerned look crosses Mom’s face.

MOM

Aren’t lighting all those candles, dear, a bit dangerous?

Rachel grabs a blanket from the couch and covers mom’s legs.

RACHEL

Just trying to make things festive.

She points to a fire extinguisher.

MOM

The tree’s dry.

Rachel looks at the tree.

RACHEL

Hmmm…I’ll get some water.

She disappears. We HEAR water running. Rachel returns and fills the tree stand.

Mom sits slouched, deep in thought. Suddenly, her face brightens.

MOM

Rachel, when did you say Emily is getting here?

Rachel spins around, almost lunging, then gains composure.

RACHEL

For the tenth time, in two days.

MOM

It’ll be so wonderful having us all together again.

Rachel frowns.

Mom moves to get up from her chair. Rachel winces at the effort and rushes over to her.

RACHEL

You know the doctor wants you resting as much as possible.

Mom sits back into the recliner. Props her feet up and smiles at her daughter.

MOM

Would you be a dear and get me the album?

Rachel bites at her lip and disappears down the hallway returning with a photo album.

MOM

Thank you, dear.

She opens it up. Points to a picture.

MOM

Remember when we took this photo?

RACHEL

My birthday.

MOM

I was so thrilled to have Emily. And a nice sister for you. You two look so much alike everyone thought you were sisters.

RACHEL

Yah, sisters.

Mom is lost in thought.

MOM

She was such a blessing. So scared. I just wanted to hug and hug and hug her.

BEGIN FLASHBACK:

INT. DINING ROOM – DAY

Four-year-old Rachel sits at the dining room table. A big birthday cake with lit candles and an empty table except for the birthday girl and her unopened gifts.

She stares toward the commotion at the front door. Puts her hands over her ears.

END FLASHBACK.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom is alone in the room. She stares at the kitchen.

MOM

(shouting)

Whatever happened between you two?

A teapot SCREAMS in the kitchen. The women continue to talk shouting at one another.

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

What dear?

RACHEL

Tea?

MOM

Don’t make it too hot.

INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT

Rachel pulls the screeching kettle off the stove.

RACHEL

(to herself)

Don’t make it too hot…don’t forget my sugar…Sure, Mom, sure.

Rachel puts a doily onto a plate and carefully fills a cup with water. Places a tea bag into it. Adds a couple of teaspoonfuls of sugar.

INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT

Mom leafs through the album. Each picture seems to bring her more happiness. She gets to one photo she’s overjoyed with just as Rachel returns with Mom’s tea.

MOM

Oh, look, this is when Emily won the art prize. She was so thrilled.

Rachel places the tea on the end table by Mom. If daggers could shoot from her eyes, they would. She ignores the photo.

RACHEL

Your tea.

Set up pt pay off later

Mom takes a cautious sip.

MOM

It’s not too hot. Good job.

Mom takes another sip.

MOM

What’s that taste?

RACHEL

A healthier, zero calorie sugar.

Rachel takes a taste of her tea. She watches Mom swizzle another sip.

RACHEL

What do you think, good?

Mom’s face grimaces. She clutches at her throat. Coughs, choking on her perfect tea.

RACHEL

No good, huh…I goofed again.

She reaches out to Rachel who just stands there watching Mom gasp for air.

MOM

(barely audible)

Help me.

Rachel watches Mom fade away. The tea cup falls to the floor spilling liquid on the carpet.

Rachel disappears down the hallway. We hear a DRAGGING sound. She returns pulling a body by the legs, carrying a package under her arm.

The body is of a woman in dirty clothes. Her tangled hair and clothes says she hasn’t bathe in a year.

She pulls the homeless woman next to the tree. Takes sawdust from the package and sprinkles it around the room. A special nice dose on Mom.

She puts the fire extinguisher in front of the homeless woman’s body. Arranges her arms as if reaching for it. Not quite right. She works at it until she’s satisfied.

Rachel lights a match and throws it at the tree. She bends down and kisses Mom. Throws a lit match at her.

Flames lap at the unconscious senior, the tree and homeless woman. Rachel admires her work.

RACHEL

I’m afraid it’s gonna be too hot, but just perfect.

She grabs her coat and purse. Knocks over all the candles. The room explodes into flame Rachel barely escaping through the back of the house.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned that is improving my writing is to include at least two or more maximum interest techniques in scenes to make them more interesting.

Logline: Abigail’s father and brother plot against her.

Essence of scene: This is the moment we learn about family secrets.

Interest Techniques: Betrayal, Superior Position/Dramatic Irony, Uncertainty – hope/fear, Intrigue

Scene Location: ACT TWO

EXT. BRADLEY MANSION – DAY

Edward seated at the table on the terrace. Jacket and tie on the back of his chair. Joined by his oldest son, Richard, a successful businessman dressed in a dark suit.

EDWARD

Thanks for meeting me here. I think it’s safer.

RICHARD

I can’t stay long. Got a meeting.

Richard loosens his tie. Unbuttons his top shirt button.

EDWARD

Have you heard from Abigail?

RICHARD

No. Supposedly she’s on a last minute business trip.

Edward stands and strolls over to a cart. Pours a drink and hands it to Richard. Pours one for himself. Raises his glass.

EDWARD

That was a brilliant idea son, to create a fictitious pass-through company under Ben’s name to acquire the Cromwell account.

Edward sits down. They clink glasses and take a sip.

RICHARD

Most of the sectors have been sold off and we should make a profit.

Edward all smiles.

EDWARD

Benjamin is out of rehab and working on the fundraiser for our foundation, so he’s clueless and we can keep an eye on him.

RICHARD

I have a bad feeling about this and you know I would rather be honest.

EDWARD

Do you think Abigail has any idea about our next move?

Richard frowns and shakes his head. Sighs.

RICHARD

Are you sure you want to go ahead with the plan considering the possible consequences?

Richard takes a sip of his drink.

EDWARD

That’s business. I don’t know why she’s so stubborn and difficult. Just like her mother.

RICHARD

Mom was a savvy, sophisticated, and a determined tough cookie. Abigail is like her in that respect. Tough cookies don’t crumble.

EDWARD

Find out where she is and what she’s working on now.

[Steve Bennett]

Steve John Bennett

Essence: Owen has taken a drastic step and it will impact his family. (Inciting incident)

Scene already contains a twist (Owen quits), Superior position (we know Owen’s condition is serious), Character change, Uncertainty, and a mislead (they don’t create a gym).

So I increased the Hope/Fear elements of the argument with Lana.

What I learned: Having an interest technique in mind as dialogue unfolds (with traits in mind) heightens the drama and energy of the scene. It’s like light and dark – by darkening someone’s dialogue at highlights the light in what might follow.

INT. KITCHEN – EVENING

Owen stands. Everyone is wide eyed. Lana’s hands grip her head, aghast.

LANA

You quit your job? How will we survive? I’ve got college soon.

Rohinia frowns at her daughter, then turns to Owen.

ROHINIA

You didn’t want to talk about this first? We usually —

Owen looks to the floor and starts to shake his head.

OWEN

I had to do it. I can’t work somewhere that doesn’t care about people.

Lana heads to the door.

LANA

You mean like at home? We were going to Spain this summer —

ROHINIA

Lana, your father —

OWEN

Lana wait.

She stands, back to the family.

OWEN

All those things are possible. I’ve got… we’ve got savings.

Lana crosses her arms and takes a deep breath.

OWEN

I can get another job, maybe we can start a business of our own. I had this idea about a health food store or a gym —

Lana spins and shakes her arms in frustration.

LANA

You always tell me to stick to my strengths. How is this —

ROHINIA

Lana we’re just talking —

Frustrated, Lana stalks the room.

LANA

You don’t care what I want!

She’s out. They wait for the door slam.

SLAM!

Emily looks at her mum and papa, sensing the strain.

She smiles a feeble smile.

EMILY

We don’t have a local gym. It could be fun.

Rohinia reaches out and strokes her hair and gives her husband a long look.

ROHINIA

Lets look into a gym.

Her other hand reaches for Owen. He takes it and gently pulls her towards him. They embrace. Emily’s eyes light up and she joins the hug, wrapping her arms around them both.

EMILY

It’ll be fun.

Owen looks down at her, then at Rohinia. His eyes light up.

OWEN

Yes. It will.

[Ed Preston]

Ed Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is to set up possibilities and situations, and either thwart them or fulfill them in unexpected, satisfying, or intriguing ways.

Note on setting — this takes place during WW1 in a German airfield on Christmas morning 1914, the first year of the war.

Logline: 2nd Lieutenant Manfred, Corporal Ralf and Private Kurt have been tasked, at the last possible moment by a vindictive superior, to deliver small gifts to many soldiers along a lengthy stretch of the German trenches on Christmas day.

Essence: Be open to making the best of seemingly rotten situations.

Interest Techniques: Major Twist, Mislead/Reveal

EXT. GERMAN AIRFIELD.

Small sacks, neatly bound and tied with bows, cover the desk, bench, and chairs. Also visible, a red coat, Santa hat and fake cotton beard. Kurt and Ralf load small sacks into large sacks as Manfred strategizes.

MANFRED

So, one large sack apiece, sixteen small sacks in each. We start at the far end first and work our way back. One small sack per ten men, handed out by St. Nick, supplied by his helpers as he goes. Keeping a good pace, we could be back here by, perhaps, six, enjoy a meal, after which I break out my personal supply of Napoleon brandy. Not a bad end to a day of spreading Christmas cheer, no? The car to Passchendaele arrives in 30 min. Clear?

KURT

Clear. But I still think you should be St. Nick. You’re the officer.

MANFRED

Nonsense, Kurt, you’re a far better St. Nick, with your round, rosy cheeks and spectacles! Besides, (mimics Fuchs, the obnoxious officer who gave them this job) I am your superior officer and you will follow your orders!

RALF

(flinches)

Ach! Begone, Gunther! I’ll be good!

The desk phone RINGS. Manfred answers.

MANFRED

Airfield.

(rapid chatter)

Yes?

(more chatter)

Truly? The entire front you say?

(longer chatter)

Amazing! Thank you. Yes, and good Christmas to you as well.

He hangs up. Ralf and Kurt look expectantly at Manfred.

MANFRED (CONT’D)

This is incredible. I’ve just been informed fighting has halted along the entire front. For Christmas. Men from both sides started it this morning, came out of the trenches and met in no man’s land. Officers are permitting it to continue for the day. No shooting. Chivalry in its

truest form, gentlemen!

He turns and gazes out the window towards the hangar.

MANFRED (CONT’D)

And this changes some things for us.

He grabs the phone and clicks the switch hook several times.

KURT

So, we won’t get shot at on Christmas. That’s a comfort.

RALF

It’s a gift.

MANFRED

(into phone)

Central Command, Sergeant Richter please.

(a voice answers)

Richter? Cancel the car to the airfield. Correct. Yes. Good day, and a good Christmas to you!

Manfred hangs up the phone. Kurt and Ralf look puzzled.

RALF

No car?

MANFRED

(looking out the window towards the airplane hangar)

No car. Our day has just become considerably more interesting.

(In case it isn’t clear, the end result is, because they’re stationed in an airfield and Manfred is a pilot, the ceasefire enables them to make their delivery by air much more easily, thwarting the intention of the vindictive superior to ruin their Christmas day.)

[Maureen Tilyou]

Maureen. Max Interest Part 1

What I learned that is improving my writing is: Even when I think I have put interest and substance into my scene, having these techniques to use not only illuminates where my instincts have fallen short, they give me a laser focus insight into how to fix it.

1. Logline: After hours of relentless pursuit by both Filipino police and mystery operatives trying to kill him, fugitive Matt swims out of the water miles upriver from his previous escape, and seeks desperately needed sleep in a children’s playground.

2. The Essence of the Scene: There is no real rest for Matt. He is being pursued by demons from without and within.

3. Interest Techniques:

Challenging Situation <div>

Suspense

<div>

Uncertainty – Hope/Fear

Twist

<div>

Betrayal (but it is the Protagonist himself who is the betrayer)

Surprise

4. Re-written Scene:

EXT. A FORESTED MANILA PARK ON THE PASIG RIVER – NIGHTFALL.

A few straggling picnickers herd their kids down a pathway that leads out of the park.

AT THE RIVER’S EDGE – HIDDEN IN THE SHADOWS

Matt wades out of the river, drenched and exhausted. He stumbles in from the shore and crawls into-

EXT. A CHILD’S PLAYGROUND BARREL

Matt collapses on to the barrel floor, catching his breath. He curls his body against the curve of the barrel, wipes his face with his wet shirt, then squeezes it into a pillow.

Resting his head, he stares into the last of the disappearing twilight. As the safety of darkness engulfs him, he falls into a troubled sleep.

THE DISTANT RUMBLE OF THE CITY’S NIGHT LIFE BECOMES THE WHISTLE OF AN INCOMING MISSILE OVER:

A JUMBLE OF IMAGES

Matt. Full Gear. IRAQ.

Running. Dodging sniper bullets.

The MISSILE DOPPLERS closer. EXPLODES.

Matt takes cover from the cloud of dust and propelled debris. Others follow.

A NAVY SEAL – hit and bloody on the ground. Matt and ANOTHER SEAL run back out into the sniper’s sights and drag the wounded Seal to safety.

Another Missile WHISTLES closer. Matt turns away as

The WHISTLE CRESCENDOS OVER:

MANILA

The EXPLOSION of the ship in Manila Harbor.

On Matt’s Stunned face taking in the blast.

CUT TO:

UNDERWATER.

Matt combs through the wreckage for survivors. He turns, hearing-

SARAH
Daddy..

Some distance from Matt-

A Child floats through the deep waters. Lifeless. Her nightgown torn and bloodied.

Matt swims toward her. He gets closer. Her eyes pop open.

Matt stops.

SARAH
Daddy, why?

Another VOICE. Coming from nowhere, yet from all directions. Muffled, like a gunshot through water-

ALISE
You did this!

EXT. PLAYGROUND BARREL – MORNING

Matt jolts awake in the harsh glint of the morning sun. Drenched in sweat. Shaken. Gasping back tears. He is about to let them go when he is startled by-

A Little Filipino Girl standing just outside the barrel, watching him.

MAN
(in Tagalog)
Come NOW, Dally. Your brother will be late for school.

The Girl glances at her Father, then back at Matt.

Matt and the girl hold each other’s eyes. The girl’s are wide and dark, full of curiosity, and empathy. Matt presses a finger to his lips.

She nods, then runs off.

Matt waits for the family to walk away, then gathers his things.

.

</div></div></div>

[Paul McGregor]

Paul Maximum Interest (Part 1).

5. What I learned from this assignment is that introducing more interest techniques in one scene can have an impact on many others, since it can introduced new elements that weren’t in the story before. The changes I have made in this scene will impact later scenes, so it’s like compound interest in finance.

1. Scene logline: The Customs and Border Patrol officer writes some code on the back of Hamza’s newly-issued immigration paper.

2. Essence of the scene: CBP is part of the people-trafficking system controlled by the Mexican drug cartels.

3. Interest techniques used:

– intrigue: what does that code mean? who is it for?

– character changes radically: this man in uniform is acting like a devious crook.

4. Re-written scene:

EXT. VEHICLE LOT OUTSIDE THE HOLDING CENTER. SAME.

The family lines up to board a bus with other migrants. Officer Philips approaches Hamza, takes the immigration paper from him and writes something in code on the back.

OFFICER PHILIPS

(Handing the document back to Hamza)

They’re taking you to an airport. They’re going to fly you out to Virginia tonight.

HAMZA

Virginia?

OFFICER PHILIPS

When you get there, you must ask for Mrs Lopez. You show her this paper. She’ll look after you.

HAMZA

Mrs Lopez?

OFFICER PHILIPS

That’s right. Lopez. And hold on to that piece of paper! You’ll be lost without it.

[Jonathan Skurnik]

Jonathan Skurnik Maximum Interest, Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is the power to place a scene anywhere and do anything with it, as long as it stays true to its essence. This opens the scene up to so many possibilities and it’s really fun imagining them.

Death and Love

Scene Logline: When Sarah is unable to convince Chaim that she’s ready for a commitment, Chaim breaks up with her.

Essence: Sarah’s unresolved grief is keeping her from true intimacy with someone who loves her.

Interest Techniques:

More Interesting Setting: Rabbi’s office.

Mislead/Reveal: It looks like it’s going to be a professional meeting, but it turns out to be a sexual one.

Surprise: Same as the mislead issue–suddenly there’s sex.

INT. SARAH’S OFFICE – NIGHT

Sarah sits at her desk, writing on her computer. The phone/intercom RINGS. Sarah answers with speaker phone.

SARAH

Yes?

BETTY (O.S.)

Chaim’s here for a consult.

SARAH

Thanks Betty. Send him in.

Sarah stands, pats down her skirt, checks her hair, straightens her kipa and clears her throat. CHAIM, menschy and sweet, appears with a coat and a kipa. Awkward moment as they look at each other–there’s history here.

SARAH (CONT’D)

Come in.

Chaim hesitates, then enters.

SARAH (CONT’D)

Have a seat.

They both sit. Another awkward moment.

SARAH (CONT’D)

How can I help you?

CHAIM

Uh, well, I have a congregant whose mother will need hospice care soon. Late stage cancer.

SARAH

I see. We might have space for her. Let me check.

Sarah turns to her computer to check the schedule.

SARAH (CONT’D)

Looks like we have some space.

Chaim gets up and looks over Sarah’s shoulder at the computer.

CHAIM

Good. That’s good.

Sarah’s breathing becomes shallow, waiting for Chaim to act. Chaim moves his hand towards Sarah’s face, then hesitates. Sarah moves her face towards his hand. Finally, contact.

Sarah turns and grabs Chaims shirt end and pulls it up over his head. They pull other clothes off.

SARAH

Wait. Did you lock the door?

CHAIM

Yes.

SARAH

Double check.

Chaim checks the door. It’s locked. Sarah wants him back, but he hesitates.

SARAH (CONT’D)

What is it?

CHAIM

I can’t do this anymore.

SARAH

What?

CHAIM

(indicating their bodies)

This.

SARAH

Why?

CHAIM

Friday sex in your office before I lead services? That’s not enough.

Sarah waits to hear more.

CHAIM (CONT’D)

It’s Paul’s Yarzheit this week.

SARAH

(suddenly forceful)

What, you think I forgot the anniversary of my fiancé’s death?

CHAIM

No, of course not.

(pause)

Your dead fiancé. It’s been three years.

SARAH

It feels like yesterday.

CHAIM

We’re never gonna be something, are we?

Sarah’s speechless.

CHAIM (CONT’D)

I’m such an idiot. Thinking that if I just waited long enough, you’d come around. But you’re stuck…and I’m done.

Chaim gets quickly dressed. Then pulls out a gourmet chocolate bar from his bag and puts in on Sarah’s desk.

SARAH

My favorite.

Chaim puts on his coat, unlocks and opens the door, pauses to turn, but then doesn’t.

[Daniel Turner]

Daniel’s Max Interest Part 1

What I learned is that using these techniques can help make the scene more engaging and less plodding along.

Selected Scene

Jackson, who is hiding out in a remote cabin in the mountains in the middle of winter falls into the river and rushes back to the cabin before he freezes to death. On the way back he sees someone else’s footprints in the snow. This puts him in a panic because he hasn’t seen anyone for months, who is it? Has he been found?

EXT. MOUNTAIN – HILL OVERLOOKING CABIN

Jackson climbs, on his belly, to the crest of the hill.

POV

Jackson surveys the cabin and the clearing surrounding it. No one, and no movement at first. Two MOUNTAIN MEN step into the frame. They walk up to the cabin, one up the porch, knocks on the door. He tries the door, no luck, locked. They stand, waiting.

BACK TO JACKSON

JACKSON

(to himself)

Who? What the hell! I don’t believe this. Fucking mountain men?

Jackson watches from his perch, also waiting, freezing. Needs dry clothes and to get warm. He is very pale and cannot stop shivering.

The two mountain men circle the cabin and meet back in the front. After a moment they walk off into the forrest.

Jackson stays put making sure they have left. Hoping they’re gone he SCAMPERS down to the cabin.

EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – FRONT DOOR – CONTINUOUS

Jackson’s shaking hands makes unlocking the door a struggle. He manages and rushes in.

INT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – CONTINUOUS

Jackson closes the door behind him but fails to lock it. He changes out of his wet and into dry clothes as quickly as his TREMBLING HANDS will allow.

Jackson lights the FIRE, grabs a BLANKET off the bed and rests in one of the chairs in front of the fire. After a moment, he gets back up, fetches a PISTOL from under a pillow. Cocoons himself in the blanket, in the chair, pistol underneath. Closes his eyes.

There is a KNOCK at the door. Jackson’s eyes open, he doesn’t move. More KNOCKING. The door CREAKS open.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1(O.S.)

Hello! Hey in there! We saw the smoke. Hello?

JACKSON

(to himself)

Shit.

The door CREAKS open further, a flood of light seeps in and MOUNTAIN MAN#1, large, bearded, RIFLE on the shoulder, follows the light into the cabin.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

Hey there. We saw the smoke.

Mountain Man#1 pauses inside the door, scans the cabin, makes his way to the empty chair by the fireplace.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

It’s a devil of a cold one out there.

(motioning towards the chair)

Do you mind?

Jackson doesn’t move or speak. Mountain Man#1 sits in the chair. Rifle leaned against it.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

Thanks brother. Man, this shack being here was a Godsend. We got caught in the storm…you don’t look so good. Did you get caught out too long?

Jackson nods.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1(CONT’D)

Me and my brother have been going through these parts for some time. Never noticed this place before. We saw the smoke and were hoping we could warm up a bit. Shack is nice. Looks like you’ve been out here a while. How long you been out here?

JACKSON

Not exactly sure.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

You look like it ain’t no weekend trip. Lotta time out here. What’s it 20 or so miles to the road? Town’s even farther. You must really like it out here?

JACKSON

For the most part.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

I do too. It’s just you, your wits and strength, and the elements. You survive because you can. There is nobody out here to help. If you get into trouble, you’re all by yourself.

The light streaming through the door is obstructed by MOUNTAIN MAN#2, also large, bearded, RIFLE on his shoulder.

MOUNTAIN MAN#2

Nice shack.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

(to Mountain Man#2)

Thats what I was telling him. And that we were hoping to warm up and rest up a while.

MOUNTAIN MAN#2

Maybe we could stay longer. Till the snow melts?

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

How about that? Help a couple of fellas out. Do you think we could borrow your shack for a while?

Jackson sits up a little.

JACKSON

Borrow?

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

Yeah, borrow…

MOUNTAIN MAN#2

Just for a while.

JACKSON

And what would I do while you’re borrowing my shack?

Smiles from the Mountain Men.

MOUNTAIN MAN#2

You can do exactly what you’re doing.

MOUNTAIN MAN#1

You don’t even have to move.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN:

EXT. MOUNTAIN CABIN – DAY

Jackson is loaded up with PACK and GEAR. He walks away from the cabin as it becomes engulfed in FLAMES reaching upwards toward the sky.

FADE OUT.