-
Day 4 Assignments
Click reply to post your assignment.
0 -
8 Replies
-
CLOSE ON the red of the Coronavirus pulling back to an AERIAL SHOT of the Manhattan sunrise.
EXT. SUMMIT – GARDEN ROOF- SUNRISE
IBRAHIM AL HARBI and his ten year old son OMAR pray as the sun rises behind the crowded skyline of Long Island City wishes good morning to a pandemic locked down Manhattan.IBRAHIM
The Summit brings us closer to God.
And on top of Manhattan because he must be in control. CLOSE on his Muslim prayer beads, sparkling with black diamond and gold, something his Saudi relatives would consider idolatrous, but it works here. His 10 year old daughter ASTRIDE works on the roof garden with KISELE FELDMAN, also ten years old.
KISELE
Nature is our God.Ibrahim clenches his fist with this blasphemy but prepares the prayer mats.
SANDRINE, his wife, and DELPHINE, the other triplet, are doing band exercises with JAKE LA ROCHE, a handsome 40 year old trainer whose turquoise eyes charm anyone.
IBRAHIM
Turn off the music. Prayer time.
Jake switches his phone to loud, resonant call to prayers in Arabic as the women twist and stretch more vigorously.
IBRAHIM
Off, now!
Jake is a people pleaser, so he salutes and mumbles “rain check,” to the ladies.
JAKE
You’re the boss. They know what to do, or not. Damn Best Butt Ever, they got the wings of angels! I gotta client uptown. Later.Jake flies off the roof like a hornet on speed.
The ladies finish their exercises gracefully as Ibrahim and Omar go through their rituals on the wings of angels because the other four members join them. Ibrahim blows kisses to everyone, avoiding contact, puts on an N95 mask, takes the elevator, gets his car out of the garage, and drives on the FDR.
EXT. EAST RIVER – DAY
Sixty-something BOAT BOB splashes on to the scene at sunrise. The HOOK could be BB pulling a fish out of the East River as he camps disguised as a homeless man. He decamps his homemade tent beside the East River, Cloroxing everything so the park police won’t take note and smell humanity, and transforming himself into a clean, middle-aged, middle income hiker with a large backpack, expensive sneakers, and fashionable jogging outfit.EXT. IBRAHIM’s CAR – DAY
Ibrahim picks up Boat Bob in his fancy electric car, quickly transformed from a homeless man camping out by the East River Esplanade to a clean, sixty-year-old hiker with a big backpack. Ibrahim is always immaculately dressed, stressing the contrast between them. BB gets in the back seat. It is strange that they say nothing as they drive through north Manhattan and on to the GW Bridge where BB’s eyes light up.
EXT. GW BRIDGE – DAY
CLOSE ON You are not alone. Call 911. Looking at the signs and the net.IBRAHIM
Suicide is haram in Islam unless it is Jihad. You are not alone. Call 911.IBRAHIM
Don’s say commit because you can’t criminalize the desperate acts of the marginalized mentally ill. The politically correct say complete suicide.
BB
I like death too much to end it forever. I need to keep enjoying it as long as
I can. But then I flunked out of school with Incompletes.They notice Jake
running with his client.IBRAHIM
Now there’s a man who uses every second. He was training my family at dawn on
the roof.0 -
Amy’s Rough draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that my inciting incident didn’t happen until page 24 and it’s even further down in the script before the main action of the movie starts. For now, I have cut and pasted the important parts so that the inciting incident happens and the main action of the movie starts in the first 10 pages.
FADE IN:
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
A large tube-like machine WHIRS LOUDLY. It’s huge. It takes up almost the whole room. It’s a supercollider.
An old man is running back and forth frantically. This is Dr. Smitty.
DR. SMITTY
TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
A young woman stands next to the machine unfazed, smug. It’s MEAGAN DONOHUE, 30s. She is Dr. Smitty’s teacher’s assistant.
A man holding a camera stands frozen in place, not sure what to do. This is WBEN anchor Andrea Richards’ cameraman, MARK.
DR. SMITTY
(to Meagan)
COME ON YOU DOLT! JUST DON’T STAND THERE.
Dr. Smitty runs towards the machine.
He reaches for the switch, but…
ANDREA RICHARDS, 30s, suddenly pops out of the machine. The normally quaffed news anchor is disheveled and completely disoriented.
Meagan frowns. Mark stands with his mouth open.
DR. SMITTY
THANK GOD!
ANDREA
I’m back!
DR. SMITTY
What happened? What did you see?
ANDREA
I’ve got to go home. I need to talk to my family.
Andrea bolts out of the lab.
DR. SMITTY
Wait! Mrs. Richards, we need to talk about this.
INT. – RICHARDS HOME LIVING ROOM – DAY
Andrea’s husband, JOSH, 30s is on his phone. Her son, BENJAMIN (12) watches a baseball game on TV. Her daughter, CHLOE (10) struggles with her math homework.
The DOOR can be HEARD SLAMMING shut.
Everyone jumps.
Andrea rushes in.
ANDREA
Thank God you’re all here!
Andrea runs over to Josh and throws her arms around him. She kisses him passionately.
JOSH
Hi, honey. Is everything okay?
ANDREA
It is now.
Andrea runs over to Chloe and squeezes her really tight.
CHLOE
Mom, I can’t breath.
She does the same to Benjamin.
BENJAMIN
What’s wrong with you, Mom? We just saw you this morning.
Andrea lets go of Benjamin and looks around the room.
ANDREA
I love you all so much. I’m going to start spending more time with you and not working so much.
JOSH
Honey, this is great, but what’s gotten into you?
INT. –NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – SAME DAY, BUT EARLIER
Newsroom employees can be seen through the door scurrying back and forth. Something exciting is happening.
The MAKE-UP LADY is putting blush on Andrea. She finishes
Andrea punches a few buttons on her phone and puts it up to her ear.
INT. – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Josh’s phone buzzes. He picks it up and continues to stir something in a skillet.
JOSH
I hope you’re calling to tell me you’re on your way home.
INT. – NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea shoos the MAKEUP LADY away.
ANDREA
What are you wearing?
INTERCUT PHONE CONVERSATION
JOSH
Two unhappy children.
ANDREA
I have to cover this story. It could be my big break.
JOSH
I’ll miss you too.
ANDREA
But you’ll love all the money I’ll be making when I get promoted to night time anchor.
Josh sighs and hangs his head.
ANDREA
Besides, you’ll be up when I get home, right? For some quality time?
A smile spreads across Josh’s face.
JOSH
Ugh! What am I going to do with you?
INT. NEWSROOM – MAKEUP ROOM – NIGHT
Andrea starts to get up from the makeup chair. Joannie runs in with papers in her hand.
JOANNIE
Here’s your script. How’d you get Tom to let you do the live instead of Cynthia?
ANDREA
I just convinced him she needed time to get ready for the regular newscast. Besides, he knows how bad I want the extra exposure.
JOANNIE
You’re missing dinner with your family again.
ANDREA
There will be other dinners.
JOANNIE
Not if you become the 6 o’clock anchor. Do you ever think about just staying where you are?
ANDREA
What? And be the noon anchor for the rest of my life? I would die!
JOANNIE
I’m just saying…
ANDREA
What?
JOANNIE
Look, we’ve been friends for years, so I feel like I can say this. You shouldn’t take your family for granted. We’re never guaranteed tomorrow.
ANDREA
What are you talking about? I don’t take them for granted, but my career is my life.
Joannie sighs.
JOANNIE
Yeah. I know.
INT. – UNIVERSITY SCIENCE LAB – DAY
Andrea positions herself beside the supercollider readying herself to be on camera. Dr. Smitty is standing to her left.
Mark points his camera at her.
MEAGAN (O.S.)
Wait! You can’t start without me.
DR. SMITTY
Meagan, you’re late.
MEAGAN
The traffic was terrible. This mean guy in a Toyota wouldn’t let me merge. This always happens to me.
ANDREA
Meagan? The teacher’s assistant at the university. You’re the one my husband hired as a nanny.
Meagan plasters on a fake smile.
MEAGAN
Yes. We met at the dedication ceremony. I just couldn’t miss you being here today.
DR. SMITTY
Shall we get started?
ANDREA
Yes. Let’s get started. Mark, are you ready?
MARK
Ready in 3-2-
Mark points at Andrea.
ANDREA
I’m here with Dr. Smitty and-
MEAGAN
Wait! Why don’t we turn the machine on?
DR. SMITTY
That’s not advisable.
ANDREA
Actually, Dr. Smitty, I think that’s a great idea. Show the folks at home what it looks like in action.
DR. SMITTY
You don’t understand. That’s very dangerous.
ANDREA
But I’m Andrea Richards.
Andrea checks her reflection in the camera.
ANDREA
The whole town will be watching this.
DR. SMITTY
No. I just can’t.
MEAGAN
Dr. Smitty. Don’t you want to impress the those scientists at Harvard who doubted you. You built this. Show them what this baby can do.
Dr. Smitty ponders what Meagan has just said, hesitates, then finds his resolve.
DR. SMITTY
All right. I’ll turn it on.
Dr. Smitty leans across Andrea and located a large switch. He pushes it up and the machine whirs to life.
ANDREA
Great! Let’s begin again.
Mark cues Andrea to begin speaking.
ANDREA
I’m Andrea Richards with WBEN and-
MEAGAN
Wait!
Dr. Smitty rolls his eyes, exasperated.
DR. SMITTY
What now?
MEAGAN
Maybe Andrea should stand closer to the machine, you know, for impact.
Then two things happen at once. Andrea takes one step to her right closer to the machine as Dr. Smitty grabs her arm to pull her back, but…
It’s too late.
SWOOSH
Andrea gets sucked into the machine and disappears.
INT. – NEWSROOM – DAY – 2001
It’s many years in the past and a younger Andrea can be seen sitting at a desk staring at a computer.
2022 Andrea appears seemingly out of nowhere, disoriented.
She looks around, confused.
A younger Tom walks from his office, spots one of his reporters, Julia Reese.
TOM
Julia, they found a body down by the creek. I need you to go cover it. It might be the missing girl.
Younger Andrea jumps out of her seat.
YOUNG ANDREA
Oh, Julia, can I come with you, please?
JULIA
All right, kid, but don’t try anything. This is my story.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Younger Andrea walks alongside Julia and a CAMERAMAN.
2022 Andrea follows behind.
They come upon a search team. Julia motions the cameraman over.
JULIA
Hello, officer. I’m Julia Reese, WBEN. Can you tell us what’s going on here. Have you found the missing girl?
OFFICER
I know who you are. This is one officer you can’t push around. I’m not telling you anything I haven’t told anybody else.
YOUNG ANDREA
Uh, officer. Will you tell me?
Young Andrea sticks her hand out. The officer takes it reluctantly.
YOUNG ANDREA
Andrea Waldman.
JULIA
Intern.
OFFICER
Hi, Andrea. What do YOU want to know?
YOUNG ANDREA
Do you believe this to be the body of thirteen year-old Deliah Simmons who’s been missing for two weeks.
The officer hesitates, then leans in towards Andrea. The cameraman is recording. Julia watches intently.
OFFICER
Yes. I believe this is a thirteen year-old girl. Unfortunately.
Julia fumes.
JULIA
Now you’ve done it, intern. I’ll make sure you get exactly what you deserve.
Young Andrea looks at Julia nervously. 2022 Andrea smirks.
INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
SUPER: 2004
POV 2022 Andrea
Josh stands behind the podium. He’s confident but reserved.
Andrea sits among the other news reporters with her CAMERMAN. Her eyes are glued on Josh and she’s in a dreamy state.
JOSH
So we’ve identified the clown killer, but for obvious reasons, we won’t be revealing his identity. This is no joke. We don’t want to give this… depraved person anymore attention.
Andrea’s hand shoots up. She motions her cameraman to stand up with her and makes sure the camera is on her.
Josh is taken aback. He hadn’t noticed this beauty before now.
JOSH
Yes, Ms…
ANDREA
Waldman. Andrea Waldman from WBEN, the best TV station in town.
Other REPORTERS sigh and roll their eyes.
JOSH
Your question.
ANDREA
Oh, yeah. If you don’t identify the clown killer, how do you expect the public to help you find him so you can put an end to this whole circus.
SNICKERS from the CROWD.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman, this is a serious matter.
ANDREA
Oh, all right. Well, do you have any idea where he might be?
JOSH
I’m not going to comment on that. This concludes this press conference.
All the people in the room scurry this way and that. Andrea rushes to the podium, where everyone is trying to talk to Josh at once.
ANDREA
Uh… excuse me. Mr. Richards?
Josh forgets everyone else and looks at Andrea.
JOSH
You can call me Josh.
Andrea giggles.
ANDREA
Okay, Josh, would you be willing to appear on WBEN’s 6 o’ clock show live tonight? We are the number one station in town.
JOSH
Ms. Waldman-
ANDREA
Andrea.
JOSH
Andrea. I’ve already said everything I have to say about the matter. Weren’t you live just now?
ANDREA
Well… yes.
JOSH
Are you a new reporter? I haven’t seen you before.
ANDREA
You ask a lot of questions. That’s my job.
JOSH
Is that right?
ANDREA
Be serious.
JOSH
Oh, NOW you want to be serious.
ANDREA
You are a joker, you know that?
JOSH
I’ve been told. How about we discuss this further over lunch.
ANDREA
Lunch?
JOSH
They do let you eat lunch, don’t they?
INT. – CHURCH – DAY
SUPER: 2006
A wedding ceremony. The bride and groom stand at the front facing the pastor.
The doors to the church open and 2022 Andrea appears. Her lips quiver and a tear rolls down her cheek. It’s her wedding day.
PASTOR
I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Richards.
2006 Andrea and Josh kiss.
APPLAUSE
Andrea and Josh make their way down the aisle.
ANDREA
This is like TV, only I can see the viewers. I would be a good talk show host, don’t you think.
JOSH
You’d be great, honey. The camera loves you.
Both Andrea and Josh smile and wave to their guests as they continue down the isle.
ANDREA
I know what I’d call my show. Afternoons with Andrea.
JOSH
No. You need a more serious title to go with the hard hitting stories.
ANDREA
No. I’ll only being doing lighthearted topics.
JOSH
Really? I thought you’d want a more newsy show, you know, where you can interview your husband, the detective.
ANDREA
Nope. Sorry, my dear. It’s going to be a lifestyle show.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY – 2012
Andrea lies in bed holding her newborn son, Josh by her side beaming.
2022 Andrea appears. Once she realizes where she is, her hands cover her mouth and she begins to tear up again.
2012 ANDREA
He’s perfect.
JOSH
Yes, he is. What are we going to name him?
2012 ANDREA
Well, we both seem to like Benjamin.
JOSH
Benjamin it is.
Josh pats Benjamin’s head and smiles.
JOSH
Uh, Andrea, now that we have a little one, maybe you should stay home.
Andrea jerks her head around to stare at Josh.
JOSH
For now. You know, to focus on the baby. I mean I know you have maternity leave, but past that.
Andrea looks back down at Benjamin
ANDREA
You’re going to be such a good daddy. I know you just want what’s best for the baby, but I need my career.
INT. – UNIVERSITY LAB – ONE YEAR INTO THE FUTURE
Professor Smity tinkers with the supercollider.
PROFESSOR SMITY
Ah! That’s it!
He flips the power switch and the machine comes to life.
Suddenly, he seems to remember something and quickly leaves the room.
The machine gets loud and suddenly…
Andrea pops out of the machine. She’s disoriented.
ANDREA
Professor Smity? Matt? What happened? Where did everybody go?
Andrea picks up her phone. She punches a few buttons, but she’s having trouble.
ANDREA
What’s wrong with this thing?
She spots a landline phone on a desk. She rushes over to pick it up. She dials a number
ANDREA
Hello? Barbara?… It’s Andrea. Something went wrong with the story. I lost Matt. And the professor… No, this is not a prank… Hello? Barbara?
Andrea takes the phone from her ear and stares at it, bewildered.
INT. – HALLWAY – DAY
Andrea slips out of the lab as Professor Smity is coming down the hall. He’s looking down at some papers and totally misses her.
EXT. – SCIENCE LAB/STREET – DAY
Andrea bursts through the doors and runs to the street.
She looks around and appears lost.
A taxi drives by. Andrea stops it and gets in.
INT. – TAXI – DAY
ANDREA
WBEN, please.
EXT. – STREET/WBEN – DAY
Andrea jumps out of the taxi.
She goes to the door and tries her electronic key, but it doesn’t work.
She picks up the phone and waits.
ANDREA
Bob! It’s Andrea. My key isn’t working. Can you let me in?… No, this isn’t a joke. Bob, let me in!
A LOUD CLICK IS HEARD.
ANDREA
What is going on?
She turns back to the street and starts walking towards the parking garage.
INT. PARKING GARAGE – DAY
Andrea looks around for her car but becomes very confused when she can’t find it.
She gives up and walks back out.
EXT. – ANDREA’S HOME – DAY
A taxi pulls up to Andrea’s home. She gets out and runs up the walkway.
She puts her key in the door, but it doesn’t work.
She rings the bell.
ANDREA
Josh, my key isn’t working. Can you let me in?
The door opens. It’s Josh. He turns pale at the sight of her.
JOSH
Andrea?
Andrea brushes past him and into the house.
INT. – ANDREA’S HOME – FOYER – DAY
Andrea looks around. Everything is different.
ANDREA
What have you done to the house, and why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?
JOSH
Where have you been?
ANDREA
I was at work. Something went wrong. I went back in time. Why are you home on a Wednesday?
JOSH
Something went wrong? It’s Saturday.
CHLOE/BENJAMIN (O.S.)
MOM!
Chloe and Benjamin tear across the room and embrace their mother. Chloe starts to cry.
CHLOE
We thought you were dead.
ANDREA
What?
BENJAMIN
Where have you been?
ANDREA
What’s wrong with everyone? Why did you think I was dead? I was just taking a stroll through the past, but I’m back now.
JOSH
You were strolling through the past for a whole year?
ANDREA
What do you mean a whole year?
JOSH
You disappeared on November 18, 2021.
ANDREA
What day is today?
JOSH
November 19, 2022.
Andrea grows very pale.
ANDREA
I need to sit down.
CHLOE
Here, Mom. Come to the living room.
0 -
Michelle Damis Rough Draft first 10
What I learned doing this assignment is that a writer’s mood can wildly shift from “I suck” to “I’m brilliant” and back again in mere seconds.
INT. STUDY/LIBRARY – NIGHT
An UNKNOWN MALE FIGURE sits in an expensive leather chair next to a fireplace. A well-aged book is wide open on his lap, the words, “Once Upon a Time” visible. SIBLINGS, 18yrs old, one female, one male, sit with uncertainty on the couch opposite.
MALE FIGURE(V.O.)
It’s time. Let’s begin. The year was…
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. CONCERT VENUE 1987 – NIGHT
DURAN DURAN on stage performing, “Hungry like the Wolf”. The crowd going crazy, a sea of 80’s fashion, and 80’s hair.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
1987? That’s not right.(sigh) Let me think(beat)umm…2022! Yes!
Clock face speeding forward, “Twilight Zone” style.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
2022, and I was unquestionably the world’s most bored vampire.
CUT BACK TO:
INT. STUDY/LIBRARY – MOMENTS LATER
The siblings looking at one another in disbelief.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Yes. A vampire. Completely bored with my own existence. Over 600 years of mundane, un-exciting, eternal disappointment. The worst curse imaginable.
The fire in the fireplace transforms into a pile of burning garbage, continuing into a montage of the destruction of the planet and its resources.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Add to that endlessly watching mortals waste. They waste everything; the planet, their resources, themselves. They repeat mistake after mistake. They never learn.
Montage shifts to: Money, banking, stock market, violence.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
And greed.(scoffs) Stupid pieces of paper or metal that they make the center of their universe. They even murder for it. The emptiest of all reasons to kill in my opinion.
Black and white clips from old vampire movies, villagers with pitchforks.
Montage of humans committing various atrocities over time.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Ironically, humans call vampires evil. Well, the ones that believe in us anyway. Isn’t that the pot calling the kettle black? But, I digress(deep breath) back to boredom.
Clip of a “bored” stereotypical “Dracula” vampire.
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
“Bored to death”? Yeah, I wished! (beat) Did you know that vampires cannot kill themselves? It’s literally impossible. Trust me, I tried. And tried. And tried.
Montage of various stereotypical vampires trying to kill themselves: falling, drowning, poison, hit by train, etc…
MALE FIGURE (V.O.)
Even that got boring.
INT. OLD HISTORICAL BUILDING – NIGHT
A MALE FIGURE stands, face concealed, gazing out a window.
MALE FIGURE(V.O.)
2022 started like every year before it. At the time I was living in an abandoned building. It was an architectural gem and it was free. I preferred not to use currency when I could avoid it.(beat) One of my principles. Over the centuries I’d gone from pauper to millionaire. It was easy when you had the time on your hands that I did. It was like taking candy from a baby, which I’d also done a time or two.
This is the first time we see OSGOOD THE VAMPIRE, mid to late twenties, handsome, but not perfect. His face full of character and charm, with piercing eyes that hold centuries of stories, bends over a pram and a crying baby.
OSGOOD
(to camera) Did you expect a monster? Oh, and I can’t turn into a bat, and I DON’T sparkle.
Flashback of Osgood at a desk piled with books. Close-ups on books: Medical, Law, Architecture, Engineering, etc…
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I read a lot. I could’ve passed any number of exams, to be a lawyer, a doctor, an electrician. Again, time was on my side, and I hated it. Time, that is.
Flashback to a group of children playing in slow-motion. Time lapse footage baby to death-bed
OSGOOD (V.O.)
When humans are young time seems to go painfully slow. As they age, time continuously accelerates until their final moments are but a blur.
A flashback of Osgood with a dying patient in a hospital bed.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
The thing all humans have in common is that no one gets out alive, whether by my hand or not. A mortals time is finite.
A coffin lowering into the ground.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
You know Vampires don’t sleep in coffins to avoid the sunlight, right? It’s really a symbol of what they can never have.
INT. ABANDONED HISTORICAL BLDG – NIGHT
Osgood turns away from the window he was standing in earlier. Dead serious with his infinitely wise eyes.
OSGOOD
(directly into camera)
The grass IS always greener.
He crosses the room to a mirror, smoothing his hair.
OSGOOD
(in mirror) Yes, I can see my reflection.(turning) More rumors.
Osgood selects a jacket off the rack and puts on his shoes.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Think about it. Never seeing yourself change, is far worse than never seeing yourself at all.
INT. STAIRWELL ABANDONED BUILDING – NIGHT
Osgood glides down the dimly lit stairs.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Of course, I spent my days out of the sun. Unfortunately, the daylight thing is an issue.
EXT. ABANDONED HISTORICAL BDLG – NIGHT
Exiting the building into the cool night air, Osgood camouflages the entry with trash.
A flyer posted on the nearby fence catches his eye. “NOTICE” in big, red letters. He reads it quickly, and shoves it in his pocket before heading down the street alone.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Nights I often met up with other vampires. We’d meet up at places typically open late.
EXT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT
Osgood is walking past a laundromat. Through the window a lone person is seen digging thru a dryer suspiciously.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
All night laundromats were surprisingly interesting places. You wouldn’t believe how many people steal underwear. There are a few less thanks to me.
Clip of guy with panties and a terrified face. Blood spatters on dryer door glass. From inside the machine we see Osgood wipe the blood spatter
OSGOOD
Such an easy place to clean up too.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
Osgood walks along a wall of graffiti belonging to a nightclub. The music THUMPS from within like a heartbeat.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Nightclubs of course. Alcohol has no effect on us, no taste either. We CAN eat anything, but nothing has flavor or sustains, but blood.
A line of people wait to get into the club. A BOUNCER waves him to the front of the line letting him pass. Osgood slips him a hundred dollar bill.
OSGOOD
My hatred of standing in line trumps my money principle.
INT. NIGHTCLUB – CONTINUOUS
Osgood walks down a long ramp into the bar. MUSIC BLARING.
OSGOOD
(to camera) Human blood has the most flavor, animal blood varies.
Stopping at a viewpoint over a sea of mortals writhing on the dance floor like a pit of snakes.
OSGOOD
Some humans are animals.
He overlooks the crowd with a forlorn, faraway gaze.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
I started a game with myself long ago to pick the most despicable humans I could. Naively I thought I could somehow do good.
Shrugging with an air of disappointment.
OSGOOD
(to camera)I never made much progress.
INT. NIGHTCLUB BAR – CONTINUOUS
Osgood’s gaze transitions to his POV. A guy at the bar(MR. DRINK SPIKER, a little to old for the crowd, ex-athlete, white-privilege all but stamped on his forehead) sneaks something into a BEAUTIFUL, OBLIVIOUS WOMAN’S drink.
Across the bar a pair of fury-filled, green eyes belonging to NINA BREWSTER (23, Medusa like curls, Athena’s beauty, and all of Pandora’s curses locked up in her attitude) observes the “sly” attack.
Without losing visuals on her target, Nina slams a shot of Vodka flavored courage, and beelines for the assailant who has no idea the wrath heading his way. Nina darts around the bar, whisks the spiked drink away from its prey and confronts the predator. Tapping him on the shoulder.
NINA
Excuse me.
He turns, towering over her petite frame. She steps in closer, hand raised, drink perched in her tiny palm.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
Well Hello.
He oozes. She sparkles.
NINA
You forgot your drink at the bar, and you look REALLY thirsty.
His creeping eyes now static. She raises the drink closer to his face. Taunting.
NINA
What? It looks delicious. Come on, drink up!
His face flushing like a douchebags red Corvette(that probably is sitting in the parking lot). Nervously he looks around, his eyes momentarily connect with Osgood’s, who has a decent seat for the show. He turns to leave, Nina grabs his arm, he comes out swinging, Nina ducks.
The commotion catches the BARTENDERS attention, he and a BOUNCER are on the spot in seconds, but not before Nina throws the drink in Mr. Drink Spikers face. He lunges at her. The bouncer is bigger and quicker, the douchebag is in a headlock before he even knows what’s happened.
BARTENDER
(to Nina)What’s going on here?
NINA
He put something in that woman’s drink.
Motioning to the still oblivious beauty at the bar.
NINA
I thought he might like a sip.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
That’s BULLSHIT!
He screams from the headlock that just got a bit tighter.
MR.DRINK SPIKER
I don’t know what she’s talking about.
He barely squeaks out. His red flush quickly turning blue.
BARTENDER
We’ll take it from here. I’ll check the footage and call the police. In the future, let us handle it, OK?
NINA
Suuuure.
BARTENDER
(leaning close) And hey, drinks are on the house for you tonight.
Discreetly extending his arm for a fist-bump.
BARTENDER
Good work.
The fist receives a thankless eye-roll.
Nina’s cell phone interrupts, VIBRATING loudly. Incoming text reads “WE’RE HERE!” Looking around she spots her friends, (3 or 4 girls about her age that all look like they work and shop at Forever 21 and/or Sephora) she heads towards them.
Osgood rarely surprised by mortals watches her walk away. A waitress interrupts him.
WAITRESS
Can I get you a drink?
Without looking at the waitress.
OSGOOD
I’ll be having a drink later.
The waitress moves on.
Osgood stands fixated until ELLIS (30ish, handsome, strong, black vampire) and YEE-LING (early 40’s, Chinese vampire. Her elegant, shiny hair falling to her waist) both seem to appear out of nowhere on either side of him as he watches Nina.
Freeze-frame on Ellis (text across screen) “Vampire – 401 Years”.
Freeze-frame on Yee-Ling (text across screen) “Vampire – 192 Years”.
Ellis leans closer acknowledging Osgood’s line of sight.
ELLIS
For later?
OSGOOD
I don’t think so.
Yee-ling glances at her phone.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Yes, vampires text. Why wouldn’t we? Who do you think invented the blue light filter?
Flashback of a stereotypical vampire looking at an old cell phone with a bright screen going up in a puff of smoke.
OSGOOD (V.O.)
Serious lifesaver…
YEE-LING
Pasha is waiting for us, come on.
INT. NIGHTCLUB/VIP COUCH AREA – MOMENTS LATER
PASHA (the fittest 85-year-old Russian on the planet. The baby of the group and bottom of the pecking order) Pasha enthusiastically waves Yee-Ling and the others over to private, plush VIP couches.
Freeze-frame on Pasha (text across screen) “Vampire – 2 Years”
Osgood positions himself where he can see Nina and her friends on the other side of the dance floor. A waitress drops off their bottle service as the others make small talk.
ELLIS
So Ozy… What’s new with you?
Osgood really hates that word.”New” His glare fades as he remembers something. He reaches into his pocket and throws the folded piece of paper at Ellis. Yee-ling, panther-like, snatches it out of the air.
ELLIS
What is it?
Yee-ling scans it quickly.
YEE-LING
Ozy has to move… Again.
She tosses the paper to Ellis. Pasha strains for a peek. Insert of flyer in its entirety. Osgood’s building is being torn-down for Condos.
ELLIS
Why don’t you just give in and buy one of these new condos? It’ll be years before the gentrification catches up.
YEE-LING
(mocking)Because he looooves his “architecture”…
PASHA
Yeah, Ellis told me you have plenty of money…
Pasha realizes he should just shut up. A phone RINGS. Yee-ling answers.
YEE-LING
(speaking perfect Swedish)
Osgood looks at Ellis confused.
ELLIS
Babbel. (beat) She’s addicted.
They listen to her in awe. Yee-ling hangs up.
YEE-LING
That was Magnus, he says we should get over to the bowling alley.
Pasha excitedly hops up, his young Vampire status keeps his enthusiasm still in tact. Give him a few years.
ELLIS
Let’s go then.
Before following the others out Osgood scans the room, getting a last glance of Nina on the dance floor.
EXT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT
As Osgood and the others exit, he sees the cops wrapping up with Mr. Drink Spiker.
Ellis, Yee-Ling and Pasha immediately head down the street. Osgood doesn’t move.
PASHA
(yelling) Ozy…?
In the background Mr. Drink Spiker sulks away, citation in hand.
OSGOOD
I’m just not up for Magnus tonight. You guys go.
YEE-LING
(in Russian)Suit Yourself.
ELLIS
(to Pasha) What did she say?
Osgood watches them walk away, before heading in the opposite direction. He quickly catches up with Mr. Drink Spiker who is fumbling with his keys.(which of course are to a “douche-bag-mobile” sportscar).
The two make eye contact. It’s true that the eyes can say it all. An incoherent blur of fast movement, blood spatters on car window.
0 -
Pablo’s First 10 rough draft
So far it’s actually 15 pages. Still not that provocative but there is a slight twist and definitely an inciting incident. I just need to cut it down so that it can occur on page ten. Its a bit of a mess. But it’s something.
EXT. DESERT – NIGHT
Dead of night, the rocks and cacti are as still as the moon overhead. Some whispers and gravelly footsteps break the silence as a gaunt, Mexican man crouches behind tarbush. A young girl piggybacks aiming a flashlight ahead. He’s out of sorts, and the small flashlight isn’t much help. BUZZ. He frantically scans left and right, looking for the source of the sound. Frightened, scrambles from one desert fauna to the next. The man looks back with his flashlight but still can’t find where the sound is coming from. One deep breath and he picks up a sprint.
EXT. EL RIO GRANDE – NIGHT
We see a bird’s eye view of the father and daughter in night vision. His eyes glow brightly, visibly showing fear as he desperately makes his way across a shallow Rio Grande.
He heads towards the massive metal fence. All the while, the night vision camera from above follows them as they walk along the fencing.
EXT. TEXAS BORDER – NIGHT
With urgency, the man runs along the fencing and with a sigh of relief, comes upon an opening. He passes through. Suddenly a spotlight from an SUV blinds him. The side of the car reads: U.S. BORDER PATROL.
OFFICER(in Spanish): Stop! Don’t move!
With the light now on him, we see he is drenched in sweat, his shirt is torn apart. His daughter is sunburnt and her lips are chapped and bleeding. Completely defeated, he doesn’t put up any fight as he is completely surrounded by men in green uniforms. The gaunt man hears the BUZZ again. He looks up to see several drones hovering over him.
INT. US BORDER PATRO, EL PASO SECTOR – NIGHT
Chief Patrol Agent Thompson, a tree stump of a man, stares at the monitor displaying the apprehension of the illegal immigrants in night vision. The gaunt man on screen stares back before he is then collected by the officers. Thompson is accompanied by a few other agents of varying ranks though he is clearly the one in charge. All are standing, aside from one man who sits on an old office chair. FRANK KAZAKOWSKI(50), a rough looking man with a clean crew cut, sits rigidly with a look of indifference. He is no agent. His left hand is handcuffed to the arm of the chair.
INT. US BORDER PATRO, EL PASO SECTOR – NIGHT
Chief Patrol Agent Thompson, a tree stump of a man, stares at the monitor displaying the apprehension of the illegal immigrants in night vision. The gaunt man on screen stares back before he is then collected by the officers. Thompson is accompanied by a few other agents of varying ranks though he is clearly the one in charge. All are standing, aside from one man who sits on an old office chair. FRANK KAZAKOWSKI(50), a rough looking man with a clean crew cut, sits rigidly with a look of indifference. He is no agent. His left hand is handcuffed to the arm of the chair.
THOMPSON: So how long do the batteries last on those birds?
Frank clenches his jaw.
THOMPSON: I asked you a question, Frank.
FRANK: I did what you asked. What is it that you want?
Thompson is unimpressed.
THOMPSON: This was just a trial run. But I’d say it went well. Which is good, for your sake.
Frank leans back on his chair, ready to listen.
THOMPSON: You’re gonna help us. You’ll be my eyes in the sky.
Frank smirks.
FRANK: I highly doubt you’ll get the approval.
THOMPSON: Who says I’m requesting approval?
Frank chuckles.
FRANK: Won’t the DEA be expecting you to hand me over?
Thompson shakes his head.
THOMPSON: They don’t know you’re here. They have no idea about your drug-smuggling drones.
Frank’s smile disappears. Thompson closes in.
THOMPSON: Here’s the deal: Your team is done importing goods. From now on, you work for me. And you’re going to help me catch illegals.
FRANK: Like hell, I will. I don’t work for no one.
THOMPSON: It’s that or you and friends go straight to prison. We know where your men are. Just one phone call and this deal goes up in smoke.
Frank shakes his head. Thompson gets in closer.
THOMPSON: How long you think you would last in County Detention, Frank. Sapo’s got some connections there. They found out you’ve been pinched, they’re going to want to make sure you keep your mouth shut. Permanently.
Beat.
FRANK: So what, you’re going to put me on the payroll?
Thompson squints.
FRANK: We’re going to need some… “government funding” if you will. Like you said, it’s an elaborate operation. My birds don’t fly for free.
Thompson turns to look at his men. He laughs heartily. The other agents echo his laughter.
THOMPSON: This is a simple offer, Frank. The only exchange we’re going to make is you telling me when the wetbacks reach the wall and where we can find them. Other than that, I’ll pretend you don’t exist.
FRANK: That ain’t fair. That’s a shit ton of man hours for nothin’.
THOMPSON: You’re a smart man. I’m sure you’ll find other ways to make an income. But it ain’t gonna be with Sapo. Cuz if I find out you bring even an ounce into Texas, I’ll bury you my fuckin’ self.
Thompson takes Frank’s silence for compliance. He unlocks the handcuffs and hands Frank an outdated smartphone.
THOMPSON: I’ll be in contact. And you’d better answer. Now get the fuck out of my sight.
Frank rubs is wrist as he gets up and heads for the door.
THOMPSON: Oh and Frank?
Frank stops but doesn’t turn.
THOMPSON: Not a single person makes it across on your watch, you got it? If one stinkin’ spick gets through, you’re done.
Frank is already walking out the door, doesn’t bother closing it behind him.
INT. ESCANDON RESIDENCE – DAY
IRMA, a lovely, little mother that could make the devil feel guilty for his sins, stands defiantly with a mop as she wards off her husband, RICARDO, the town drunk. She’s got one black eye and a bloody lip. He isn’t without a couple of lumps either.
RICARDO: You won’t make it.
IRMA: You think I won’t try? Lord knows you won’t come after us.
RICARDO: No?
IRMA: Not a chance. You’d miss the craps table too much. And the free tequila.
RICARDO: Irma. Why are you making this so difficult?
IRMA: Ricardo. I’ve told you, there is no more money.
RICARDO: You’ve always have a stash somewhere.
IRMA: Not anymore. You’ve spent it all.
RICARDO: Well, then how do you think you’re going to make it to the States, then? The Coyotes don’t do it for free.
IRMA: It’s already been taken care of.
RICARDO: Irma. Sapo is going to kill me.
IRMA: I will sleep soundly knowing that it was no fault of mine.
Ricardo lunges at her and grabs the mop handle. Right he’s about to give her another blow…
ANDRES(OS): Stop!
ANDRES, the youngest and most gentle son, is at the doorway, eyes already welling up. ANTONIO, the turbulent teen, comes up right behind him. Once he sees the situation, he shoves his little brother out of the way and lunges at his father. Both grab eachother by the collar as begins to push a dirty mop into her husbands face.
ANDRES: I said STOP!!!
Everyone freezes in their offensive poses. Ricardo shoves his son off as Antonio snarls at him.
Andres begins to cry and runs into his room, his school backpack awkwardly bouncing.
ANTONIO: It’s not like you can beat more money out of us. Just fuck off already.
RICARDO: Don’t talk to your father like–
ANTONIO: Fuck. Off!!
IRMA: Antonio. Go see if Andres is alright.
Antonio fakes a punch and Ricardo flinches as he storms out of the room. Ricardo gives one more desperate look at Irma.
IRMA: If you come back, we’re leaving.
RICARDO: Oh yeah? And where will you go?
IRMA: As far away from you as possible. I’ll drag the boys across the desert if I have to.
Ricardo leaves and Irma holds her mop the way a conquistador would stick a flag in the territory they now claim. Her firmness begins to melt as she starts to weep. But only for a moment. She gathers herself and cleans up the mess their fight had caused.
ANTONIO: You aren’t really going to drag us across the desert will you?
Irma is caught off guard.
IRMA: Of course not. How is Andres.
ANTONIO: How do you think? You should be the one to talk to him.
Irma points to her black eye.
IRMA: Maybe not right away.
Antonio gives the look of disapproval that many teenagers give to their parents.
ANTONIO: Whatever.
He heads for the door.
IRMA: Where are you going?
ANTONIO: I don’t know. I just don’t want to be here.
Before Irma can say anything, he’s already out the door.
IRMA: Yeah. Neither do I.
INT. FRANK’S DRONE HEADQUARTERS – DAY
PETE, a walking number 2 pencil, is on up on his laptops locked into the surveillance cameras around the property, constantly checking his phone. The rest the team are at their own computers, waiting. On screen, a pick up truck pulls in to the back lot.
PETE: He’s here. He’s alone.
The team regroups, all standing now. Frank walks in.
PETE: Holy shit. When you told us to meet you here, I figured for sure that–
FRANK: That the DEA would swarm in? I wouldn’t do that you guys. I’d sooner give them the names of the suppliers than my own team.
PETE: What happened last night?
Frank looks around at the rest of the crew.
FRANK: Everyone go home. Except Pete.
JOE: Is every alright, Frank? Are we fucked?
FRANK: Not yet. Just go home to your families.
LUIS: Should we be thinking of cutting town?
FRANK: Maybe. But for now, y’all will need to distance yourselves from… this. Focus on your days jobs if you have any. I’ll reach out to you guys if I need you.
The group give eachother uneasy glances and slowly make their way out. When everyone is gone, Frank and Pete stand there in a cold silence.
PETE: I guess the fact that you’re out here and not in there is a good sign.
FRANK: It’s safe to say that the federales need all the help they can get.
PETE: Lemme guess. They want a cut.
FRANK: Not exactly.
PETE: Wel,l what do they want then?
FRANK: I’ll explain it all to you in a minute. But first we gotta call Sapo.
PETE: Um. I don’t think its a good idea to tell our supplier that you just got caught by the border patrol.
FRANK: I’m not. But we are going to need some leverage if we want to continue doing business.
PETE: Frank?
FRANK: Yeah, Pete?
PETE: Are we fucked?
FRANK: Not yet, Pete. Not just yet.
INT. FACTORY – DAY
Irma punches rivets into jeans using bulky, deafening machinery . Repeating the same action over and over. If she wasn’t singing the tune on the radio, you’d think she was a part of the mechanism itself.
Hector, as thin as the pencil in his right hand, is fixated on the clipboard in his left. Marching up to Irma’s section, never looking up.
HECTOR: Irma.
The machine stops when she turns to him.
HECTOR: Your break isn’t for another two hours.
She checks her watch.
IRMA: That’s right.
HECTOR: Well, your husband’s here and he says he’s meeting you for lunch.
Irma throws her head up, clenches her fists and is just about to yell at the sky before she takes a quick breath and gathers herself.
IRMA: I’m sorry. I’ll tell him to leave.
HECTOR: Remember you have to submit requests to change up your schedule.
IRMA: No. I know. He was just… trying to surprise me. I’ll go talk to him.
Another quick breath and she curves around Hector.
HECTOR: This will have to cut into your break time.
Irma turns, mouth agape, hands on her hips. Her eyes are laser beams. Mom is pissed.
HECTOR: Or… I can let it go… this one time. But remember–
Irma is done with the conversation and turns on a heel. Hector nods, looks to see if anyone saw her blatant disrespect and dives back into his clipboard. He marches over to the next sector.
INT. BREAK ROOM – DAY
Ricardo is smacking the side of a vending machine when Irma stomps in.
IRMA: What do you want?
RICARDO: I want the goddamn cheetos I paid for.
SMACK.
IRMA: What?
RICARDO: The damn machine ate my money.
Irma looks at this manchild with such disdain. Enough.
IRMA: What. Do. You. Want.
Ricardo gives up on his snack and turns to her.
RICARDO: I’m going to need you to get your next paycheck in advance.
Beat.
IRMA: What?
RICARDO: I don’t think you truly understand the severity of the situation.
IRMA: I don’t care. Ricardo, solve your own problems for once.
RICARDO: I… I… This… is the only thing I can come up with, Irma.
IRMA: To get an advance? That’s all the money we have. How are we-
RICARDO: Irma, please. As my wife, it is your responsibility to–
Irma’s whole body deflates as she rolls her eyes. She’s heard this argument too many times.
IRMA: Oh please. Cut the bullshit.
Ricardo looks at her feet as a tinge of desperation runs down his face.
RICARDO: You really don’t understand the seve–
IRMA: Severity of the situation. Yeah, I heard you.
Beat.
RICARDO: You really don’t care what happens to me.
IRMA: When did you ever care about us, Ricardo?
RICARDO: Of course I care about you, Irma.
IRMA: No. US! Not just me. You have two sons. When was the last time you spent quality time with your own children?
Ricardo is defeated. He has no argument.
RICARDO: I’ll make it up to them.
IRMA: Ok. I’m going back to work now.
She heads for the door.
RICARDO: Irma. Those boys might lose their father.
IRMA: They lost him a long time ago.
The door slams shut. Ricardo stands alone. He turns to the vending machine and gives it one last SMACK in frustration.
INT. FACTORY OFFICE – DAY
Hector, still jotting on his clipboard is just about to sit down when Irma walks in.
IRMA: Hector. I’m going to need an advance on my next paycheck.
EXT. DRONE RUNWAY/LAUNCHPAD – DAY
Frank is counting all the drones on at their charging stations and inputting it into a tablet.
FRANK: That makes twenty. How many are in the repair shed?
PETE: I don’t know, 8 maybe. Wait, so let me get this straight. They want us to cut ties with the cartel and just start working as their own personal home security service?
FRANK: They’re holding 6 kilos of Sapos supply as collateral. We do this order they turn us into the DEA. How long do you need to fix those 8 buzzards?
PETE: Joe and Luis could fix em. Maybe a week. Wait. About those 6 kilos…
FRANK: It’s on us.
PETE: What?
FRANK: I already spoke with Sapo. He thinks we lost the drone in the desert. He won’t charge us more than cost. But we to move double in the next month.
PETE: What!?
FRANK: How about the buzzards we save for spare parts? Can we get those in the air?
PETE: That’s almost 200 grand, Frank.
FRANK: We can cover. Besides. After we move the next yield, we can make that back. We’re lucky the BP only got one drone. So can we fix those other buzzards?
PETE: So, instead of stopping, you want to ship more.
FRANK: Yup.
PETE: And… we are going to help the BP.
FRANK: We are going to give them access to the feed. They’ll see what we want them to see. Pete. The spare buzzards.
PETE: We’ll need to order more parts.
FRANK: Order more parts. We have a lot of work to do.
INT. ESCANDON RESIDENCE – NIGHT
Irma stares at the advanced paycheck. She turns it and signs her signature on the back. She folds and puts it back in her purse.
IRMA: Kids.
Antonio and Andres enter the room.
IRMA: We’re going to see your father.
The sons look at each other.
ANTONIO: Now?
IRMA: Don’t make me repeat myself. Let’s go.
EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Irma is a tiny freight train with two boys in tow.
INT. BUS STATION – NIGHT
Irma and the boys enter. There’s a short line to the front desk.
ANTONIO: Are we going somewhere?
IRMA: Texas?
ANDRES: Texas!? We’re going to the United States?
ANTONIO: What? Now?
IRMA: No.
ANTONIO: When?
IRMA: Whichever day is cheapest.
ANTONIO: I thought we were going see papa?
IRMA: Right after we do this.
They approach the cashier, pudgy middle-aged man. Irma rummages through her purse for the check.
ANDRES: Four tickets to Texas please!
The cashier smiles.
CASHIER: Where in Texas? I’ll need to know which city.
ANDRES: Which city, mama?
She is still searching.
IRMA: El Paso.
CASHIER: What day would you like to travel?
IRMA: I need something as soon as possible but as cheap as possible.
The cashier types on his computer.
CASHIER: It’s always less expensive if you buy at least a couple weeks in advance. You can save a bit more money if you want to leave in a month.
IRMA: How much is a ticket in two weeks?
CASHIER: 524.60 pesos.
IRMA: And children?
CASHIER: 419.55 pesos.
Irma finally finds the check.
IRMA: That should leave us with a little extra. Ok. Let’s go with that.
CASHIER: One adult and two children?
IRMA: Yes, please.
ANDRES: And what about papa?
IRMA: He can meet us there if he wants to.
Beat.
ANDRES: We should tell him where we are going. El Paso.
IRMA: We are on our way right now to tell him, hijo.
ANTONIO: Mama. Are we-
IRMA: We’ll talk about it later. Right now I have to pay the man.
Irma hands him the signed check.
IRMA: Would you be able to give me the difference in cash?
CASHIER: We don’t typically-
IRMA: Please.
Cashier can see the angst on her face. He nods and takes the check. After opening the register and counting some bills and coins he hands her three tickets and cash.
IRMA: Can you break these?
CASHIER: We only have big bills. I’m sorry.
IRMA: No, that’s alright. Thank you.
EXT. CASINO PARKING LOT – NIGHT
The boys are limp with exhaustion as Irma drags them along. Upon approaching the casino entrance, security blocks her path.
DOORMAN #1: No kids.
IRMA: We aren’t here to gamble.
DOORMAN #1: Doesn’t matter. No kids.
IRMA: Well, then you are going to have to watch them. I have to find my husband.
The doorman begins to shake his head.
GORDO (O.S.): He’s not here.
Irma turns to see Gordo, an extremely large man with a babyface.
IRMA: Don’t cover for him, Gordo. You all have taken enough from him already.
GORDO: Irma. He’s not here.
IRMA: Well then tell me where he is.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Irma stands over Ricardo wrapped up like a mummy, his neck in a brace. All limbs in casts and levitated. Tubes in his throat and nose.
DOCTOR: The police have already filed a report. No witnesses though it does look like it was a group of them.
IRMA: I know who did this.
DOCTOR: Well then you should say something to the police.
IRMA: It wouldn’t do any good.
She turns to him.
IRMA: Can we be alone?
The doctor nods and leaves the room. Irma glares at her husband with zero sympathy.
IRMA: I came to tell you: The boys and I are leaving you.
The Ricardo lies there as still as the IV stand.
IRMA: And you can forget about me covering your medical bill.
The turns and walks out.
0 -
Armand Rough draft
What I learned…
THE BASIC STRUCTURE:
1st page: Provocative opening
3rd page: Twist
5th to 10th page: Inciting Incident
By the 10th page: We know what the story is about.
I’m only sharing the outline at this point:
1st page: Our protagonist, the ghost, is seeing running away for his life through the manor. He’s been chased by the masked killer. His V.O. talks about people being afraid of ghosts, but what if ghosts were afraid of people?
3rd page: The killer is about to kill our protagonist. He’s a ghost. Can’t be killed through physical violence. This is a nightmare the ghost keeps having as he spends his after-life stuck in the manor where he was murdered.
5th – 10th page: The new college kids arrive for the weekend. Our protagonist realizes the killer is back, for real.
10th page: The ghost has to act and save these stupid college kids from certain death.
0 -
Janeen’s Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is that scenes I wrote earlier in the course were more focused on character, or action, or mood — all things I need to add to EVERY scene.
INT. STRETCH LIMO – NIGHT
Inside a stretch limo, five people span the gamut from languid daydreamer to frenzied couture worker.
MORGAN DAY, beautiful, resplendent, aloof, stares into the night traffic of the city. She is seemingly oblivious to the conversation in the limo, but secretly steeling herself to show them all.
DANIEL RICHARDS, fashion designer extraordinaire, a delighted smile glued to his face, kneels on the floor of the limo, furiously working to hem, tack, fluff and primp a dress he has hastily designed for the woman opposite Morgan in the limo.
The woman flutters and delights in Richard’s attention to her dress while her husband, a BOOK EDITOR, is focused only on the man across from him, Gavin Day.
GAVIN DAY, fifteen years Morgan’s senior, a combination of George Clooney and James Bond, chats with his editor. He is superior to everyone in the limo, perhaps in the world.
GAVIN
Having a beautiful woman by my side makes me feel complete, alive. You must feel it too.
The editor looks at Morgan.
Gavin, eyebrows raised, looks at Daniel and the editor’s wife. The editor winces, quickly looking at his own wife.
BOOK EDITOR
Of course. Absolutely.
GAVIN
Morgan is the perfect wife, and, I really believe, the perfect woman.
He looks at Daniel still working frenetically on the dress.
GAVIN
When she’s wearing her favorite designer, she complements me perfectly.
Daniel bobs his head slightly acknowledging the compliment, still working feverishly.
BOOK EDITOR
Thank you so much for the dress, Gavin.
BOOK EDITOR
I could have never had a designer do a dress for my wife in two days. You’re a miracle worker.
Daniel’s glued on smile momentarily morphs into a sneer.
GAVIN
No problem. I’ve been so busy, I hadn’t even seen his creation for Morgan until the limo arrived…
Gavin’s voice fades.
EXT. STRETCH LIMO – NIGHT
The limo stops next to a red carpet. Reporters press in.
Gavin gets out, helps Morgan out of the limo. She is resplendent in her gown, serene, benevolent.
Cameras flash, videographers jockey for position. Questions are rapid fire, she has no time to answer before the next one tumbles over it.
REPORTER 1
Ms. Day, when did you know you had such extraordinary powers?
REPORTER 2
Now that you’ve solved child poverty in the U.S., when will you turn your powers to world hunger? That will surely be next, right?
Morgan nods, smiles, aglow. Gavin fades out of the camera flashes, part of the backdrop.
REPORTER 3
You’re the honoree tonight. How does that feel?
REPORTER 1
Have you heard from the President?
REPORTER 2
Has the head of UNICEF contacted you about extending your work into children’s health?
REPORTER 3
There are rumors you’ll be getting the Nobel this year.
REPORTER 1
Will you be asking the public to assist in these efforts? So many people want to help. A word from you…
CUT TO:
EXT. STRETCH LIMO – NIGHT
The driver opens the limo door, this time for real. Morgan exits the limo onto the red carpet.
She smiles, dazzling in the perfect dress. Cameras snap, but reporters wait silently.
Gavin follows her out of the limo. Reporters shout questions, jockey for position.
REPORTER 1
Gavin, your latest book has turned the business world upside down. What’s next?
REPORTER 2
You’re being honored tonight, is a Pulitzer next?
Gavin smiles modestly, shakes his head slightly, everyone knows the Pulitzer is in the bag.
REPORTER 3
What about a Nobel?
Gavin signals for quiet.
GAVIN
Please, please, thank you for your questions. I’m here tonight to enjoy the gala. We’ll have a press conference tomorrow morning where I’ll answer all of your questions, including what’s next for me. My editor will give you the details.
Most of the reporters clamor for the cards the book editor is handing out like candy. His wife smiles proudly in her Daniel Richards original. No one notices her.
Daniel, sweaty and exhausted, has taken a seat in the limo. He pours himself a bourbon as the driver closes the limo door.
A reporter nods to Morgan, next to Gavin.
REPORTER 1
Is this your daughter, Mr. Day?
GAVIN
No, no. This is my wife, Morgan, the light of my life. Doesn’t she look beautiful tonight?
He smiles proudly, drawing the reporters attention to Morgan’s head to toe visual perfection with a sweep of his arm.
Morgan smiles, looks up at Gavin with appropriate awe. She is the perfect trophy wife.
EXT. RICHARDS HOME – EVENING
DANIEL RICHARDS, early 40s, fashion designer extraordinaire, lowers the window of the stretch limo when it stops at the gates of his posh home.
He takes a phone call while punching in his code. He is solicitous and caring.
DANIEL
Lola, dear, it is wonderful to hear from you. Your dress fits perfectly, right?
LOLA
It’s lovely, but there is a problem — nothing big, but I’m sure you can fix it before the awards show on Thursday.
Daniel has concern on his face and helpful conciliation in his voice as the limo pulls into the circle drive.
DANIEL
Whatever is wrong, my dear?
LOLA
Terrence has picked a different tie. You’ll have to re-dye my dress – and the shoes and clutch, of course, but you should have plenty of time – it’s three days.
(triumphantly)
You’ll be delighted to know I’m wearing diamonds so I won’t have to change my jewelry.
Daniel clutches the door handle as the limo pulls up in front of the house. Brightly, calmly, he responds.
DANIEL
That’s wonderful. What color is the new tie?
LOLA
Green. A lovely shade. I’m sure you can match it.
Daniel clenches his teeth, but his voice is still smooth and sweet.
DANIEL
Yes, Lola, dear. I’m sure I can match it. Send me the tie, dear.
LOLA
I’ll have my chauffeur drop it off in the morning.
Lola clicks off and Daniel glares at the phone.
DANIEL
You stupid bitch. I can’t dye a red dress green.
Dictating a message on his phone.
DANIEL
Message to Tara. See if we have enough of the white silk to remake Lola’s dress. Get another pair of shoes and a clutch to dye too. She’ll send the new color of her husband’s tie – green, this time – in the morning.
He pushes the button to send the message and exits the limo, not glancing at the chauffeur.
He stops before opening the door to the house, closes his eyes and takes a long, relaxing breath.
The limo pulls away.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – CONTINUOUS
To one side, the opulent dining room is set for a romantic dinner for two.
On the home’s elaborate staircase, AMBER RICHARDS, late 20’s, beautiful, dressed for dinner, but herding a 4-year-old, DAN JUNIOR and a 2-year-old, ALICE, up the first couple of stairs. She turns, startled, then afraid, when she hears the door opening.
DANIEL enters, looks quickly at the dining room and smiles. Then he sees Amber and the kids on the stairs and is immediately furious.
DANIEL
You idiot! You know the kids are supposed to be in bed by seven-thirty and it’s seven-
He quickly glances at his phone.
DANIEL
thirty-one.
Amber quickly puts Alice’s hand in Dan’s and waves them up the stairs. Alice balks at leaving Amber.
Amber looks back at Daniel, positioning herself to block Daniel’s line of sight to the kids.
AMBER
I’m so sorry, Daniel. I heard you at the gate as I was taking the kids up, but thought I should put your dinner on the table before I saw to them since I knew you’d want your dinner. It will only take me a second to get them upstairs. They’re ready for bed, you see.
Daniel steps briskly to the stairs and slaps Amber hard on the face.
DANIEL
They should already be up there. You know that.
(slap)
How many times do I have to tell you before you do as I ask?
Daniel hits her arm with his fist and Amber falls back against the stairs.
Alice cries and Dan Junior tries unsuccessfully to shush her.
Amber glances at them in fear, struggles to get up off the step and away from the stairs to take the kids out of Daniel’s line of sight again.
AMBER
Your dinner is on the table. A beautiful steak, just the way you like it. And –
Daniel slaps her face again.
DANIEL
Shut up and stop making excuses.
Daniel storms to the dining room and Amber turns to motion the kids, both crying now, to hurry as they trudge up the stairs.
She watches Daniel for a moment to be sure he’s not turning back to her and then rushes up the stairs, picking up Alice and grabbing Dan Junior’s hand to move them more quickly.
INT. RICHARDS HOME – MINUTES LATER
DANIEL is smiling as he works on his steak and wine when AMBER comes into the room, a smile on her face, slap marks bright pink.
DANIEL
The steak is excellent. You’re a good cook. Please, sit.
Daniel half-stands as he motions Amber to her chair. Amber, abashedly flattered, moves to her seat.
DANIEL
Let me get you some wine.
AMBER
(smiling)
Thank you, dear.
INT. CLASSROOM – DAY
Tall and professorial, BENSON WATERMAN stands at the front of the room, fielding questions. He answers most questions with rapid dispatch and practiced clarity, but looks satisfied and eager when one student raises her hand.
MORGAN DAY is a high fashion model, or she could be if she looked vapid and disinterested, but her eyes are piercing, seeing into souls and finding the gut level intent of anyone she turns them on. Her face is engaged and engaging, smarter and kinder than most. She commands rooms, conversations, and respect without realizing she’s doing it and would be surprised if anyone called it out.
Wearing a large diamond ring, men automatically envy her husband.
Waterman nods to her in anticipation of a challenge.
MORGAN
We’re still students.
MORGAN
To what extent is the mind control we’re trying to achieve supposed to be effective at this point?
WATERMAN
If you’re doing mind control and you truly believe that you are putting thoughts in other people’s heads, you are. The confidence and assurance of the practitioner, not the receiver, is all that matters.
Morgan’s eye has a glint of mischief.
MORGAN
I think, therefore you do?
Waterman chuckles with satisfaction.
WATERMAN
Exactly as you say. We’ll see you all next week. Do your homework.
Waterman quickly exits the room.
Morgan walks from the room with other adult students, but she outclasses them despite their exalted job titles, Ivy League educations, and pompous demeanors.
STUDENT 1
You just flat out asked Waterman if the method he’s spent his life developing actually works.
Morgan laughs in amusement.
MORGAN
I just asked him if what we’re doing works yet. My husband asked me that after class last week so I told him I’d find out when I would be an effective Waterman practitioner.
STUDENT 1
Is he afraid you’ll have him flapping his wings like a chicken?
MORGAN
No, he’s a writer and he wants all the facts about everything.
STUDENT 1
You mean Gavin Day is your husband?
Morgan becomes disappointed and thoughtful as they head for the exit.
MORGAN
Yes.
STUDENT 1
Does he make fun of the Waterman Method?
MORGAN
(shaking it off)
No, of course not. The Waterman Method is real or we wouldn’t all be here, paying a ridiculous amount to take his class. We’d just stick to the book and pretend we thought it was nonsense if it wasn’t real, right?
STUDENT 1
(chagrinned, but laughing)
You’re right, of course. You always are.
Reaching the exit door of the building, Morgan touches Student 1’s arm as she heads into the revolving door.
MORGAN
See you next week. Practice!
Student 1 follows her through the door, watching with admiration as Morgan strides effortlessly down the sidewalk with all the looks of a model, but no hint of a runway strut.
INT. WOMEN’S SHELTER LOBBY – DAY
MORGAN enters the women’s shelter with an armload of dresses in hanging bags. A woman follows her with an armload of shoe boxes and a tote with purses in it.
Morgan drapes her bags over the back of a chair in the lobby.
MORGAN
I’ll just let Bridget know I’ve brought in a few things.
AMBER sits on a sofa in a waiting area, her back to the office. She has a bruise on one cheek, on her wrists and on her neck. She recognizes Morgan’s voice and pulls her kids closer, sinking down into the sofa to hide herself.
One of the kids pops up over the top of the sofa to squeal at the sound of Morgan’s voice.
AMBER
(whispers)
Shush! Sit down.
Morgan does a double take toward the couch and recognizes a bracelet on Amber’s wrist as Amber grabs the toddler and pulls the child down next to her.
MORGAN
That’s a Daniel Richards original. I just brought in a dress that would look fabulous with that. Let me find it for you —
Morgan rushes to the couch and draws back in shock when she sees it’s Amber.
MORGAN
(abashed)
You have to promise me you won’t tell Daniel that I donated that beautiful black silk dress he made for me two years ago.
Amber waves her away.
AMBER
No problem. I won’t tell him.
MORGAN
I just think it’s better to let someone else wear these beautiful styles than to let them sit in my closet, you know?
She draws closer to Amber and spots the bruises on Amber’s wrist and neck as Amber tries to hide the bruise on her cheek with her hand. Morgan is shocked.
MORGAN
Oh dear, what happened? Were you mugged?
Morgan sits on the couch next to one of the kids and leans in close to Amber to speak to her quietly.
AMBER
No, no, of course not. I was carrying too many things at once — staging them to bring here — and, and tripped on my way down the stairs.
MORGAN
I’m so sorry. Let me see. Have you seen a doctor? Those bruises look awful. What did Daniel say? Did he take you to the ER?
Amber shoos her back.
AMBER
Daniel knows I’m fine. I am. I was just clumsy and trying to carry too much at one time. I’m fine.
Amber looks away. Morgan cocks her head a little as she ponders, then has an insight.
MORGAN
Good god! Daniel didn’t do that, did he?
Amber blushes, shifts quickly, puts a smile on her face.
AMBER
No, I told you, I fell. I’m fine. Daniel would never hit a woman.
(looking down quickly and then back up to face Morgan fully)
I’m here donating, just like you. And you’d better not tell Daniel you saw me here either.
Morgan is puzzled. Amber pulls her sleeve over her wrist when she sees Morgan glance at it.
AMBER
He thinks I sell all our old things, but I bring them here. Especially the kids’ clothes. People here always need those.
Morgan looks a little relieved.
MORGAN
Of course. I won’t tell if you won’t.
Morgan continues to stare at Amber’s bruises. Bridget comes out of her office and spots Morgan.
BRIDGET
Morgan, dear! Come in. I’ll give you a receipt for all these wonderful clothes.
Bridget leads Morgan to her office and nods sympathetically to Amber as she does so.
Morgan looks over her shoulder at Amber and waves quickly, shrugging. She’d like to talk more, but has to go.
0 -
Rob Bertrand Rough Draft
What I learned: I learned that this process is a continual refinement and with each pass the story gets better and better.
FIRST 10 PAGES
EXT. PARKING LOT – WEDDING VENUE – NIGHT
Magic hour sets over a picturesque landscape, punctuated by the rhythmic bass of modern hip-hop. Somewhere a party is in full swing.
Meet ANNIE ANDREWS, 16, plain, but pretty, who wields sarcasm like a deadly weapon. She’s uncomfortable in the dress she’s wearing. Her long brown hair, normally hidden under a beanie, is worn swept up and sparkles.
Annie leads her sister, JESSICA, 8, a shy but crafty kid, through a field of parked cars.
JESSICA
Is mom and dad fighting?ANNIE
When are they not? Hurry up.The sisters cut through a row of cars and find their parents arguing beside their mom’s 69 VW Convertible Bug.
Meet JACK ANDREWS, a hardworking, harder drinking, blue-collar conservative. His face is red from anger or is it the booze? He shakes a finger in the face of his wife.
JACK
(slurred)
Just…gimme the fucking keys, Nora.NORA ANDREWS, late 30s. On a normal day, she’s an overworked mother, who bears the weight of her dysfunctional family on her shoulders. But today, Nora’s at her wit’s end.
NORA
(angry)
You said you had this under control!Annie and Jessica approach quietly.
JACK
Give me…my fucking…keys!Nora’s had enough.
NORA
(whispers)
Get in the backseat, Jack or so help me God, I will leave you here. I will leave you and take the kids…Jack goes to say something, but the look on Nora’s face stops him cold. He caves and crawls over the driver seat and plops himself into the back.
Nora slams the door in his face.
ANNIE
Mom, are you okay?NORA
Annie….I need you to…I need you to drive.CLOSE ON the car keys in Nora’s palm.
INT. NORA’S BUG – MOVING – LATER
A light rain falls as the wipers churn rhythmically.
Annie grips the steering wheel with the white-knuckle confidence of a student driver.
Nora stares out the passenger seat window, lost in thought.
NORA
Wasn’t that a beautiful wedding?Jack quietly stews in the backseat, as Jessica plays her Nintendo Switch, doing her best to ignore him.
ANNIE
Yeah, until Dad caused a scene–JACK
–Over a couple of homos? Shit, man…Jack stares daggers at Annie.
NORA
They looked so happy together…ANNIE
It’s twenty-twenty-two, dad. Gay people exist!Nora attempts to change the subject.
NORA
I think I’m going to take a hot bath when we get home–JACK
(angry)
–We should have won that fuckin’ anniversary dance!Annie rolls her eyes.
ANNIE
Give me a break, dad.JACK
(angry)
It’s fuckin’ bullshit! Marriage wasn’t even legal for them thirty-two years–ANNIE
(angry)
Dad! Stop!The rain is really coming down now. Nora reaches over and turns up the wipers. The rhythmic sound amping the tension.
JACK
Right! I forgot! Complain and get cancelled. The queers own this world now.Annie is hurt to the very core of her being.
ANNIE
You’re such a homophobic asshole!EXT. CROSSROAD – HIGHWAY – AERIAL – NIGHT
High above a four-way intersection, two vehicles approach the crossroad. A yellow light blinks its warning as the rain comes down in buckets.
INT. NORA’S BUG – MOVING – LATER
The wipers, now set to full blast, are no match for the torrential downpour.
NORA
Don’t listen to him. That’s the liquor talking. Love is love. No matter how you find it.JACK
Pssshhht.Annie’s face is a mask of terror. Headlights approach from the side road.
ANNIE
Mom! What do I do?NORA
You’ve got the right of way. They’ll yield to you.It’s hard to hear over the noise of the wipers. Annie is panicking.
ANNIE
I can’t see!JACK
Why can’t women wear miniskirts in San Francisco?The approaching truck grow’s closer and closer. It’s not slowing down.
ANNIE
Shut up!JACK
Because their balls would show!Jack erupts into a fit of laughter.
Nora looks back, anger burning in her eyes. The lights of the approaching car illuminate her from behind. It’s close. Too close.
NORA
(angry)
Jack, please––Screeching tires and a blazing truck horn scream through the night. The truck barreling towards them.
The second before impact.
INT. CHURCH – FUNERAL – DAY
Rain patters against a beautiful stained-glass window, as a pipe organ plays Ava Maria.
In the front pew, sits Jack, Jessica and Annie. Jack looks a mess, with bloodshot eyes and unkempt hair.
Jessica can’t hold back the tears. She leans close to Annie, whose protective arm she clings to.
There’s no tears in Annie’s eyes. Only anger and rage.
All eyes are on them.
Annie looks over to her father. His hands shaking in his lap.
Her eyes shift back to the coffin. Only now, it’s been replaced by the smoking wreck of Nora’s VW Bug. Nora’s mutilated body is trapped. Her head nearly decapitated.
The light fades to black. Thunder CRACKS as lightning flashes, illuminating the silent audience behind them. Their faces decomposing flesh.
Nora’s dead eyes shoot open and when she opens her mouth to speak, it pours blood and gore. Her voice is hard as gravel.
NORA
Look at what you’ve done to me! Look at what you’ve done to my family!Nora throws her head back, as blood pumps out of her neck, showering Jack, Annie and Jessica in warm, red gore.
They scream.
INT. ANNIE’S ROOM – ANDREW’S HOUSE – MORNING
CLOSE ON Annie’s eyes as she’s startled awake, screaming from the nightmare.
SUPERIMPOSED: Seven months later.
She takes a moment to catch her breath, before rolling over to check her phone. Her eyes go wide.
INT. UPSTAIRS HALLWAY – MORNING
Annie exits her bedroom and is greeted by the sounds of wedding music from her parents room.
ANNIE
Grandma?She heads off to investigate.
INT. JACK’S BEDROOM – DAY
The bedroom door cracks. Light peeks in revealing Annie.
ANNIE
Grandma?She enters the room, stepping over empty liquor bottles on the floor and throws open the drapes.
Sun cuts through the bedroom like a knife to reveal Jack, sound asleep, clutching Nora’s wedding dress to his body.
Annie is shocked to see him.
ANNIE
What the hell are you doing here?Jack groans and pulls the covers over his face.
JACK
I’m back.ANNIE
Where’s Grandma?JACK
She went home, I guess.Annie surveys the scene. Jack and Nora’s wedding video plays on a loop on a TV on the dresser. The wedding dress triggers her. She pulls it from his grasp.
ANNIE
What the hell are you doing?Jack sits up. Shakes the cobwebs from his mind. Stretches.
JACK
I like the smell.Annie wants to smell the dress, but can’t.
JACK
She looked so beautiful that day. Fuck, we were just kids…Annie looks at the wedding video on TV. Her mom, happier than we’ve ever seen. She clicks the TV off. Wads the dress up in a ball and throws it on the ground.
ANNIE
Well, she’s dead now….so?JACK
God damn it, Annie! That dress meant a lot to you your mother! It was her favorite thing…ANNIE
Get up, pops. I need a ride to school and I can’t be late!INT. HEAD OFFICE – HIGH SCHOOL – MORNING
The phone rings off the hook, as the Front Desk Aide fights with a group of unruly boys.
Amidst the chaos, sits Annie and Jack. Side by side, but they couldn’t be any farther apart. Both stare at a door marked: GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. Both want to be somewhere else.
Behind the door, the unmistakable sound of an argument.
JOCELYN (O.S.)
(angry)
Oh…sure! Side with the fascist!BECKY (O.S.)
Shall I call your dad? Is that what you want, Jocelyn!?The door BURSTS open to reveal JOCELYN WILCOX, 17. Professional new kid. Her pink hair, nose ring and punk t-shirt scream teenage rebel. Her current attitude: Fuck you.
For Annie, it’s love at first site.
BECKY
That’s it, young lady! I’m calling…JOCELYN
Do whatever the fuck you want, Becky. I’m outta here…Jocelyn catches Annie staring and winks as she slides on a pair of sunglasses. She storms off, as her Step-mom chases after her.
In the doorway, stands ROBIN WILKES, 50s, overworked and underpaid, Guidance Counselor extraordinaire. She wears years of experience on her denim vested shoulders.
ROBIN
Uh…yeah…sorry to keep you waiting. Please, come in.Annie and Jack both sigh.
INT. ROBIN’S OFFICE – HIGH SCHOOL – MORNING
Certificates and awards line the wall, along with family photos that haven’t been updated in a while.
Robin, sits behind a complicated mess of paperwork.
Annie and Jack sit far apart.
ROBIN
Yes…uh…Robin checks the name on her file.
ROBIN (CONTINUED)
Mr. Andrew’s, I’ve invited you here to talk about Annie’s grades.Annie rolls her eyes.
ANNIE
Do I have to be here for this?ROBIN
I’d like you to be a part of the conversation, Annie. Your voice is important!ANNIE
Like I get a say in any of this.JACK
Let her talk, Annie.ROBIN
Mr. Andrew’s, I know that your family has suffered an immeasurable loss.JACK
Jack. Call me Jack.ROBIN
Okay. Jack. I’m very sorry. You’ve been through a lot.JACK
Yes. We have.ROBIN
In a previous meeting with me, Annie made a comment that her family has become…She checks her notes again.
ROBIN (CONTINUED)
Absolutely miserable.Annie shoots her a look of disgust.
ANNIE
That’s not what I said! God!Jack shoots Annie a sharp look.
JACK
You told a stranger that our family is miserable?ANNIE
(angry)
I don’t know? Maybe because when mom died, you dumped Jessica and I off with Grandma and disappeared for six months?Jack looks away embarrassed. His eyes haunted with memory.
JACK
I…um…ANNIE
It would’ve been nice to get a phone call!JACK
(angry)
Oh poor you! Life’s so fucking hard…Did you have a roof over your head?Robin steps in to redirect the conversation.
ROBIN
As you know, the school made an exception and allowed Annie to move to online school. It’s been seven months…in that time, Annie’s grades have slipped from a four point oh grade point average, down to a two point five.JACK
(shocked)
What?ANNIE
Don’t worry about it. I’ve got it under control.ROBIN
No one is judging you, Annie.JACK
I am. I’m judging.ANNIE
(angry)
Well, excuse me…but I don’t give a shit what you think–ROBIN
–I think it’s time that Annie came back to school. I think she could really benefit from social interaction.ANNIE
Fuck that! I’m staying home.JACK
Annie…can’t you just be normal for once and go to real school, like everyone else?Annie shakes her head, insulted and ready to explode.
ANNIE
If I could be normal, then trust me, I would! But I’m not coming back to this hell hole.JACK
I think Mrs. Wilkes is right. You do need some social inter–ANNIE
–I’m going on a date Sunday! I’m meeting people just fine!Jack is caught off guard. Robin’s eyes light up with excitement.
ROBIN
Oh! Wow! That’s wonderful, Annie!JACK
With who?The need to change the subject fills Annie’s eyes with emotion. Tears begin to fall and when she speaks her voice waivers.
ANNIE
Do you know what kind of fucking world this is? How kids treat each other? It’s a fucking war zone out there! Kids walking around with PTSD from the shit they take? We’re all just one comment away from going off like a bomb. If…if…one kid says something about my mom…I don’t think I could take it. Please let me stay in online school?!Robin feels for her, pushes a box of tissue closer to Annie. Annie pulls a few and dabs her eyes.
ROBIN
<font face=”inherit”>Alright…We’ll continue with the online school, for now. But Annie, I need you to </font>re-engage<font face=”inherit”>. Let’s get those grades up. You and I both know you can do better.</font>Annie cries even harder.
ANNIE
I will. I swear!JACK
I’ll make sure to check in at home.Robin claps while checking the clock.
ROBIN
This! This is good. See what a little communication can do? I love it.Jack gives a fake smile.
ROBIN
I’m sorry, I do have another family coming in.Annie buries her face in her hands, crying hard into her palms.
JACK
Thank you for your time.ROBIN
Of course. We all want what’s best for Annie.Annie stands up and leaves in a huff.
INT. HEAD OFFICE – HIGH SCHOOL – MORNING
The counselor door flies open. As Annie emerges, her sad and tearful face turns to a look of mocking brilliance. She got what she wanted.
CUT TO:
0 -
Emmanuel’s Rough Draft
What I learned from this assignment is following the basic screenplay structure in the first 10 pages is ideal to creating the most engaging script opening.
0
Log in to reply.