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Day 4 Assignments
Reply to post assignment.
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12 Replies
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DAY 4 HOOKS
Lisa’s Hooks
What I learned is it’s beneficial to go back to scenes and rewrite them when you learn a new skill. I’ve written this scene 3 times since the class started and it’s gotten better each time. The hook can only be successful if you care about the characters.
CHARACTERS:
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
Character Logline: Mary is a non-stop super mom who must rescue her ex-husband from himself, save kidnapped Santa Claus, and make the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival a success.BERT WINTERS
Traits: Loyal, Basic, Quiet
Subtext: Peace: Wants harmony between the family members but is afraid that everyone is being torn about around him and he doesn’t know how to fix it.
Character Logline: Bert is a volunteer firefighter, small-town guy of few words and big brother to Peter who worries incessantly about his brother ever since he returned from overseas with PTSD.
PETER WINTERS
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
Character Logline: Peter is a war veteran hero who is about to lose his snowmobile business due to no snowfall, and he knows that Santa Claus is real from his time in the government, so he will use that knowledge to try to save his business.
SAM WELLS
Traits: Dependable, Kind
Subtext: Wants to be there to do the right thing for anyone who needs assistance.
Character Logline: Sam is black and a butcher by trade, but also a volunteer firefighter who is always there to help anyone, so Sam is known all over town as “the guy” when you are in need.
COREY SANTOS
Traits: Spunky, Curious
Subtext: Wants to shine as a volunteer firefighter to show Sam that he is worth training and can do it.
Character Logline: Corey is Mexican American and a recent high school grad and novice volunteer firefighter who looks up to Sam and wants to be like him when he grows up.
VERSION 3 – OPENING OF “MARY’S CHRISTMAS”: HOOK
FADE IN
MARY WINTERS (VOICEOVER)(Sarcastically)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY IN THE POURING RAIN
SHOTS OF MAIN STREET LIT UP AT NIGHT. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
There’s even a fake sign on the way into town which reads “You are entering Bedford Falls”. For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it…
Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
Well, the church marks the end of downtown, except if you look across the street you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
SHOT OF THE FRONT OF THE IAWL MUSEUM
SHOT OF THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
Oh no. There it is the George Bailey bridge sitting in the middle of town and haunting us every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
LONG SHOT OF THE FIRE TRUCK DRIVING IN THE POURING RAIN
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
There I am.
CLOSE UP AND STOP FRAME ON MARY’S FACE (ala IAWL)
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York. I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a winery-worker, a community activist, a volunteer firefighter…and an ex. Here I am driving the fire truck about 3 years ago. I remember this night as if it were yesterday because this night changed my life forever…
EXT-MAIN STREET SENECA FALLS, NY-NIGHT
The firetruck, which appears to be on its last leg, is driving fast along Main Street. When Mary and her partner think they’ve spotted something on the George Bailey bridge. It’s hard to see in the pouring rain. Mary pulls up to the edge of the bridge and stops the truck. The headlights light up the bridge. It is a tall MAN in his 40’s who is up on the railing and appears to be dressed in an old-fashioned white nightgown ala Clarence in IAWL.
EXT. GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE – NIGHT
BERT
Is that who I think it is?
MARY
Oh, for god’s sake! Give me a rope and I’ll go talk to him.
BERT
You sure you don’t want me to do it?!
MARY
You know I have to do this Bert!
BERT
But it’s awful high up and your fear of…
MARY
(cutting him off) …Yeah, I know. But I volunteered to try to get over it. Now’s as good an opportunity as any.
Mary looks at Bert and makes a scary face. Bert hands Mary a rope. Mary ties the rope around her waist. Mary and Bert jump out of the truck. Bert turns to tie Mary to the bumper of the fire truck but sees there is no longer one there. It was ripped off at the last fire and they hadn’t had time to replace it. So, Bert ties Mary to the bridge railing. Mary approaches the man standing on the railing.
MARY (yelling over the rain)
Hey there! What ’cha doing?
MAN
(slurring) I can’t go on like this!
MARY
If you jump, you’re going to hurt yourself. There are rocks down there! What about your children? Do you want to leave them without a father?
MAN
You take care of them…(looking toward the fire truck) or Bert!
MARY who is tied to the railing, then ties herself to the MAN.
MAN
Get off of me!
MARY
Your children need they’re dad. Come on down and let’s talk about it.
MAN
No more talking!
The man jumps off the bridge and Mary goes too because they are tied together. Unfortunately, or fortunately, the rope isn’t long enough to hit the water, so they are hanging in the rain above the water and the rocks below.
MARY
Now what are you going to do! I thought angels could fly!
The MAN tries to untie the knot in the rope. Another FIRETRUCK arrives on the bank of the river and shines a light on the situation.
MAN
I haven’t got my wings yet. Let me go!
MARY
There is no way I’m letting you drop without me and I’m not going into that cold water! Bert! Bert!
BERT looks over the railing but can’t do anything. He’s not strong enough to pull them both up by the rope.
MARY
(Screams)
Bert!!
MARY and the MAN fall into the running river with rocks around them. MARY is holding onto the MAN with dear life and trying to swim to the shore.
MARY
I’m going to hurt you when we get out of this!
MAN
Let me go!
MARY
Sam!! Pull us out!
SAM WELLS, a black man and butcher by trade and COREY SANTOS, a 19-year-old Mexican American man wade into the water to throw them a line. MARY and the MAN go under. Then MARY pops up and with all her might she lifts the MAN up.
SAM
Grab the line, Mary!
MARY
He’s fighting me!
MAN
Let me go!!
SAM
Sock him!
MARY twists herself and punches the MAN in his face as hard as she can. He stops fighting her long enough for her to grab the line. SAM and COREY wade in far enough to grab MARY and the MAN. MARY and the MAN lie in the pouring rain on the bank of the river.
MARY
What the hell are you thinking!!
MARY starts hitting the MAN. The MAN starts to cry.
MARY
(still hitting him) what about Janie? What about Ruthie? You know who would have to tell them what happened to you? ME! Stop crying, will ya!!
MARY pulls the MAN toward her. MARY holds the MAN tight as he sobs.
MARY
(feeling badly) Stop crying, Peter. I won’t hit you anymore. You’re okay, I’ve got you.
An ambulance arrives and the paramedics jump out and go to Mary and PETER.
FADE OUT
OVER OPENING CREDITS
That event was three years ago, and it lit a fire under me. Peter and I divorced soon after and it’s been a world wind ever since. And this year for the first time I’m in charge of the It’s a Wonderful Life annual festival.
You may ask, do we ever get tired of living in a town with a theme? Yes, we do!! Especially me. You see, my mother organized the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival every year for the last 10 years and I wanted nothing to do with it.
Now upon her death, the town has voted me as her successor. I tried to get out of it, but no one else wanted the job. Well, except for Violet. I COULDN’T let Violet have it. She’s been after everything “ME” since kindergarten. See I’m an overachiever and Violet has always been jealous of me. So, I have no choice but to suck it up and put on the best dawg gone festival ever!
(MARY makes gagging noises)
FADE OUT
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Matthew Frendo’s Hooks
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create hooks that will leave questions in the audience’s mind. This will make them want to sit through the rest of the movie and make the script more interesting and strong.
Name: Host
Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
INT. NEWS STATION – DAY
SUPER: 35 Years Ago
The two newscasters, looking 2030’s glamorous, display their pearly whites to the screen as they begin.
NEWSCASTER #1
Hello, fellow human beings. Today was a day of beginnings and endings. It was an end to the old order–
NEWSCASTER #2
(laughing)
Good riddance.
NEWSCASTER #1
–and the beginning of a new one. A new world of peace and understanding for all, bequeathed on us by the new leaders of scientific–
The building starts rumbling.
NEWSCASTER #2
What–?
Lights go out and BOOM! everything explodes.
CUT TO–
INT. SPEAKING PODIUM – DAY
A TECH GURU stands at a metaverse podium, dressed in robes like a monk.
TECH GURU
The tragic violence that rocked our city will not occur again. We now have every space in our world being monitored, to keep the weakest among us safe. This will bring a new era of excellence. The world will be one of peace and harmony for all–
CUT TO–
EXT. STREET – DAY
A large protest/riot is happening, with one HAIRY ACTIVIST yelling into a camera.
HAIRY ACTIVIST
What does that even mean?
Right then, a police officer dressed in all black hits him with a baton HARD.
LOUDSPEAKER
You must learn to live in peace and love. This is the only way this all ends.
He hits the guy twice more, then turns and hits someone else right across the face.
CUT TO–
INT. TECH GURU’S OFFICE – DAY
A “hidden camera” records the secret meeting. Along with the Tech Guru is DEB (32) and the Guru’s assistant JENNY (18), and about 10 guys who are working hard at a long table.
TECH GURU
What the fuck is happening? Why aren’t these animals calming down? WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING PEACEFUL!
WORKER #1
We encountered more resistance than we expected.
TECH GURU
Didn’t we account for that?
WORKER #1
The diversionary measures didn’t take hold like the data had led us to believe.
Tech Guru quietly to assistant.
TECH GURU
What the hell does that mean?
ASSISTANT
Cat pictures can only do so much to keep the masses asleep.
TECH GURU
Even the cute cats we specially bred? They were so zazzie–
Deb noticeably clears her throat.
TECH GURU
(to assistant, about Deb)
Who is this?
ASSISTANT
She requested a meeting. I told her–
DEB
You want your problem taken care of, you’ll need another solution.
TECH GURU
And you have this solution?
DEB
Not me. A friend does.
TECH GURU
And this friend is–?
ASSISTANT
Some guy from the bowels. We don’t even have a record of him. He basically has no past–
DEB
You’re records in the bowels have been spotty at best. You want peace or not?
Tech Guru thinks on it.
CUT TO–
LATER, SAME MEETIHG
The HOST (35 here) is talking to the long table, presentation papers in front of him. The Tech Guru is at the opposite end.
TECH GURU
So this is…
HOST
What they called it back in the ancient times, in short, is a sacrifice.
WORKER #1
The people will go crazy–
HOST
Not if you make them the jury, so to speak. Then they’ll feel not only good, but moral, about it. And that won’t make them follow you…it’ll make them love you.
TECH GURU
That doesn’t seem very peaceful. I am a man of peace.
HOST
(smirking confidently)
Sometimes to keep the peace, you need to do it with blood.
The Tech Guru nods, intrigued. Deb looks down, secretly smiling.
CUT TO–
In quick succession, online article’s appear on screen–
–CREATURE KILL A MASSIVE SUCCESS
–CRIME PLUMMETS TO NEW LOWS
–PRISONS ARE NEARLY EMPTY AFTER JUST 15 YEARS OF CREATURE KILL
–CRIME ALL BUT WIPED OUT THANKS TO TECH GENIUS
–AFTER 30 YEARS OF CREATURE KILL, THERE ARE NO CRIMINALS LEFT
–MORAL VIOLATORS NOW A CHOICE FOR CREATURE KILL
–WHO WILL GET HUNTED NEXT?
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Cameron Martin’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is…That incorporating hooks into the description may be a viable strategy. I’ve learned to go by the philosophy that if it can’t be seen, you don’t include it in the action. But when you include a question or a statement in the action that sets up a hook, it may help to build the anticipation for a later moment. I can set up a hook with a quick sentence that promises the reader something will come from this. The other fun thing is setting up the difference between Sully and Isaiah with the “deeper understanding” hook. From the previous scene, the reader knows Sully barely made it out of the nest alive. So when Isaiah faces the same nest, the hook comes when we see just how bad Sully left it for him via an active swarm, leaving the reader with the question as to how Isaiah can possibly get through it. Then, like with the mention of providing a hook in the description, I can offer information that Isaiah knows, so that the audience is aware that what worked for Sully won’t work for his son, providing more dimension to the original hook. It’s a constant game of offering and withholding information until the reader gets far enough into the story to have an answer the original question given…only to be given yet another hook in that answer.
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
(SCL – Keep calm and maintain control)
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
(SCL – Get himself and dad (Sully) to safety)
Scenes used:
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah runs across the walkway in an oversized ventilation suit. He comes across the same weak point his dad came across, but because of its location on the structure, Isaiah has to go around it by climbing on the side of the building.
…
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah insists on a different way from his Dad. Stressed about the hosts still tailing them, Sully forgets about the weak point in the structure, and pushes Isaiah in the direction he believes they need to go, leading to Isaiah falling through the same weak point as before, onto an alien spore nest that infects Isaiah when his mask breaks.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah cracks opens the hatch…
And watches the fungal nest raging with a swarm of worms.
The savant considers his options. There isn’t enough bleach or other alkaline on the planet to protect him from that certain death.
INT. ESCAPE HATCH – NIGHT
Isaiah descends back down the ladder and rummages through his bag of rope, tools, sheets of velcro, a boom box, and a NOTEPAD. He pulls out the notepad and takes off his gloves with noticeable contempt for them. He brushes his hands like they have some itchy substance or liquid on them – it’s just his hypersensitivity at work.
The kid makes some notes. We don’t see the specifics, but we catch a glimpse at illustrations and paragraphs of tiny print. He’s clearly been taking notes for a while, and his book is almost done. He flips back through the pages…
Nothing is marked, but through memory alone he lands at the exact page he was looking for. He skims the page – a quick confirmation – and closes the book.
Isaiah places the book back in his bag, places the irritating gloves back on his hands…
And climbs back up the ladder.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah opens the hatch fully and climbs out with all the confidence in the world.
He pulls out the boom box and turns it on. It plays a low pitch brown noise. His hands rotate the volume to max…
And tapes a sheet of velcro over his mask, effectively blinding him.
Finally, his hands find a bottle of lubricant that he pours over parts of his suit – anywhere where there isn’t velcro or abrasive material.
And then…
The kid walks forward, mostly blind, one hand dragging the bag, while the other hand grabs the railing.
We follow solely the kid’s perspective – heavy breathing, slithering all over him, nothing sliding over his mask, in fact they’re avoiding it all together, and, of course, the steady, deafening brown noise—
Until he TRIPS!
The boom box CRASHES…
But keeps playing.
Isaiah palms the ground around him, trying to get a sense of his surroundings, but he can’t find out what the hell he just tripped over, especially through these stupid, sweaty gloves.
This kid continues forward – no time to waste – on all fours. He crawls on hands and knees the rest of the way, leaving the boom box behind, but taking the bag with him.
His hands find the steps that lead to the vent. He crawls carefully up the steps, opens the vent, and crawls inside.
INT. VENT – NIGHT
Once inside, Isaiah carefully removes the velcro from his mask. He’s unsure of what he tripped over, but knows he can’t go back the same way he and Sully came from.
…
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Sully explodes out of the vent, adrenaline certainly playing a factor. He rips Isaiah out of the vent and drags him forward.
ISAIAH
Stop!
An alien host crawls out of the vent after them.
It is beyond the point of discussion for Sully. They are getting the hell out of there.
ISAIAH
YOU CAN’T GO THAT WAY!
Isaiah kicks and screams while his dad drags him across the walkway, the exact way they came, toward the nest, and the army of hosts from the bunker tailing them.
Isaiah punches Sully in the arm over and over, eventually kicking himself off the walkway to drag Sully off of the top of the space colony.
Sully, his sense of calm long gone and adrenaline flooding his brain, hurls Isaiah in front of him and down the walkway.
Isaiah stumbles to regain his footing…
And trips over the same spot he discovered before…
FALLING THROUGH THE WALKWAY!
Sully, seeing his son disappear, SPRINTS toward the chaos of the nest, where the boom box fell into the same hole Isaiah fell into.
Sully reaches the hole…
Looks down…
And finds Isaiah with his mask broken, and his face smothered in spores.
SULLY
(reaching down)
Take my hand!
ISAIAH
You killed me. You killed me! YOU FUCKING KILLED ME!
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ANNA’S HOOKS, Day 4
What I learned from this assignment. Using the checklist made for major dramatic, take it to the edge energy. It is a very different tone to the whole script. I am debating whether to leave it in or take it out as the result was very dark. Definitely an assignment that has powerful results.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
CHARACTERS
SARAH WARWICK
TRAITS Sarah is a young, very urban, professional. She has great empathy and loves working with people. She is till young at heart and enjoys doing the urban scene with her friends.
SLU Her son is everything. He is the reason she gets out of bed in the morning. She is lonely and wonders if life will ever get any better. Keeping a positive vibe despite difficulties is important to her son’s well-being.
DOROTHY WARWICK
TRAITS
She is is a middle-aged, middle-class woman, with an uptight vibe, hair makeup, and jewelry from the 90’s. Neurotic, deeply insecure. and irrational.
SLU her mantra is ”what will the neighbours think?’
VICTOR WARWICK
TRAITS
He is wearing a three-piece banker’s suit, holding a teacup and saucer in one hand. A ruthless businessman, Has earned the family ‘new money’ wealth. Ex army, a chavanist of his era. Not a team player in the world of business. Lacks insight, empathy, and is a narcissist.
SLU
Get out of my way.
BEGIN SCENE
INT. SARAH’S BEDROOM/NIGHT
Phone rings. Sarah wakes and answers the phone.
SPLIT SCREEN
Sarah’s parents are singing Happy Birthday.
SARAH
Mom? Dad? yes, it’s just after midnight here. I know it’s about 8 in the morning where you are Thank you for the birthday song. Just very, very tired. I told you about the seniors’ center; it closed a couple of days ago. It’s left me feeling pretty down. Not much feeling like a birthday celebration anyway. (New information., deeper understanding of Sarah’s dilemma.)
DOROTHY WARWICK
We thought we would send you a subscription to Country Life and a Marks and Spencer’s overseas treat hamper.
SARAH
Sarah has her hands supporting her head in a pose of despair B deeper understanding
Thanks Mom. Can I have a word with Dad, please? Hi there Dad. I was wondering if this year you could send me some cash for my birthday. I’m laid off, not much yet in the way of a sensible job.
VICTOR WARWICK
Are you asking for money Sarah? How much?
SARAH
How much? It’s going to take me a couple of months. I will get a bit from unemployment, pogey you know. Can you manage a thousand?
Victor puts the cup and saucer down, looks depressed, puts his hand to his forehead, and speaks in an incredulous tone.
VICTOR
A thousand dollars?
SARAH
No, I meant a thousand pounds, not dollars.
VICTOR
Your mother just had the kitchen redone, We are off to Italy next week, this is an expensive month Sarah. We did all we could for you. Private girls’ schools, ballet, and piano lessons. Yes, I know you paid your way through Uni. Now if you could do that, why can’t you be more independent and take care of yourself now. When I was in the Army, the first rule was to depend on no one but yourself, stand up on your own two feet. You are an adult. Time to grow up Sarah.
DOROTHY
You should never have left your husband. And to think that your grandmother had to cope with rationing!
SARAH
But Dad, I’m a single mother! What about Eli, your only grandson? Don’t you care about him, even if you are ready to throw me under the bus? He needs a stable roof over his head. I am frantic with worry Dad, please? B Deeper understanding of her emotional state and the blocks she is up against.
VICTOR
You were the first divorce in the family. Our friends were quite shocked. Your poor mother was so embarrassed. No, I am afraid there won’t be any money Sarah.
SARAH
Sarah is crying. Can she win them over? C. Can Sarah create a reversal of what has already been presented
Dad, I was laid off, and the center closed down. I cannot just magic up a job. It’s not my fault. Surely to God …Dad, Dad?
Sarah falls back on her bed. Drops the phone on the floor.
SARAH cont.
He bloody hung up on me, on us.
Sarah sits on the bed sobbing. She walks into the kitchen and takes a coffee mug out of the kitchen cabinet and a bottle of brandy.
Sarah has entered into a zombie-like state. She pours a lot of brandy into the mug. Sarah walks into the bathroom and runs a bath, steam fills the room. Sarah opens the locked bathroom cabinet and takes out a pill bottle and places it on the sink. From a drawer under the sink, she takes out a razor and tries it out on her wrist. It does not seem to work.
Sarah walks into the kitchen and gets a large sharp knife out of the kitchen drawer and walks back to the bathroom with a vacant stare on her face, no longer crying. Knife in hand, she puts one foot into the bathtub, and then she hears her son scream. NEW INFORMATION Sarah is suicidal and is about to take action
ELI
Mom, Mom, I’m having a bad dream, and I want a drink. I think I have to go to the bathroom.
SARAH
Oh my God! I’m coming, stay there, I’ll be right there.
Quickly she moves to put the pills back, wraps the knife in a towel returns it to the kitchen, and walks to her son’s bedroom. Her face is transformed from zombi-like to alert and horrified.
A. NEW INFORMATION C. Where can I reverse something that has already been presented?
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Dev Ross – HOOK
Lincoln: aspirational, compassionate, a leader who desperately wants to set his country on the right track but, instead, is pulled into his own pit of hate.
What I learned that combining visual curiosity with what is going on emotionally and physically with my character, makes for a strong hook.
EXT. FAIRGROUNDS RALLY – DAY
Wind and bad weather. Sky colors ripple in and out of view. Under this, a largely black crowd, white faces interspersed, cheers as Lincoln steps up on stage. There, he’s greeted by MRS. ROCHE, a tiny elderly black woman running the show.
LINCOLN
Thank you, Mrs. Roche, it’s a pleasure to be here.
(To the crowd)
Mrs. Roche, everybody! My former babysitter!
MRS. ROCHE
And he was a good boy too. Mostly.
The crowd chuckles.
LINCOLN
Hey, so how is everybody?
Folks call out their greetings, feelings…
LINCOLN
It’s good to be with you. With you, I’m home. With you, I’m with family.
The crowd loves that.
LINCOLN
Now I know you might be thinking, “What’s Lincoln doing? There’s no election coming up, heck, they’re a few years away, so why is he so dang pushy about getting folks registered to vote – especially now in this godforsaken weather?” I’ll tell you why. Because we can’t wait! We have got to start now!
Cheers!
LINCOLN
Here in America, it’s politics 24/7! But if we don’t get ourselves going in a different direction now, then we’re in trouble. But, if we get it together, get registered, and ready to vote, we’re ahead of the game! So, now we get ourselves informed on the issues, so we’re not fooled by – excuse my French, Mrs. Roche – we’re not fooled by the bullshit. Am I right?
Crowd agrees!
LINCOLN
We’ve got the time to think about the issues and not just react to them because someone says we oughta be mad. Right now, now, we do our ‘due diligence. We prepare ourselves for battle – for the soul our country!
Crowd loves this!
LINCOLN
So, the question is: How will we educate ourselves? Will it be on fact or fiction? Oh, hey, I love me some great fiction! Fiction always has a good guy and a bad guy, and we always know who to root for, don’t we? It’s clear! But reality is different. Real life exists in shades of grey… so you’ve to think. You’ve got to discern. You’ve got to root out the truth. Now I’m not saying ‘all by yourself’ am I? No. Engage in civil dialogue with your neighbors. Even if they disagree, you all are going to learn something.
He takes a deep breath as he stands against the wind.
LINCOLN
So, are we going to stand together against prevailing winds?
Crowd calls out a resounding ‘yes!’
LINCOLN
Are we going to able ourselves!
More hearty agreement from the crowd.
LINCOLN
Good. To be honest, I’m in a hurry–because now is the time for us to demand the soul of this nation includes our souls – equally.
The crowd roars their approval. Then…
Shimmers in the sky cause Lincoln to squint, rub his temples. He’s got a stab of pain in his head that he tries to work through…
LINCOLN
So, yeah, time’s running out. I don’t know about you, but…
Lincoln breaks, pulls a Jekyll and Hyde…
LINCOLN
…but I’m so tired of this shit. Always being suspect. Always having ‘black’ come before man. I’m a black man who is sick to death with driving while black, jogging while black, hell – buying candy while black – because I have to watch my black ass!
The crowd gets uneasy. What’s happening to Lincoln?
LINCOLN
I’m sick in my heart but you know who I’m really sick of? The ‘white’ man.
Lincoln points out a white supporter in the crowd.
LINCOLN
Yeah, that means you, one of my so-called supporters! You are white, not your fault, brother, but you are. So, what have you done to atone for the sins of your forefathers – besides coming to my rallies and cheering? I ask you my brothers and sisters, what is this white man doing here besides polluting us?
Lincoln looks down at his hands. They’re white. He looks out and his crowd is now all white, many holding racist signs.
CROWD MEMBER
SINO! Supremacist in Name Only!
CROWD MEMBER 2
We want Adam! We want Adam.
The crowd picks up the cheer.
Shimmers…
Lincoln is himself again and standing in front of his crowd. Some are cheering, many, including the white man, are leaving.
BLACK CROWD MEMBER
Shame on you, Lincoln Able! Shame on you!
Mrs. Roche hurries to him.
MRS. ROCHE
Lincoln? What’s wrong with you?
Lincoln looks at his hands again. They’re his.
LINCOLN
Honestly… I don’t know.
Lincoln watches the exiting crowd when a SHIMMER hits and transforms from the crowd to a stage standing opposite his. Center on that stage is Clay.
-
June Fortunato’s Hooks day 4 of writing with boldness
What I learned: continuing on with my story: Roy has a new obstacle. Kim has a change in circumstances. Suzy confronts a new situation. Kim and Suzy try to reverse a previous situation. I’m concerned that my story is going sideways, though. I’m cutting scenes from my outline, but I’m on page 43 and although the two leads have coincided, they still need to get together.
SUZY TRAITS Self less, deep empathy, afraid to stop going, longs to believe in the good, matchmaker for all kinds of things. LOGLINE When Suzy finally dumps Roy, he returns all broken to her osteo unit. She tries to get him fixed up in several ways: physically, with his financial benefits and with a place to live to make sure he never returns to her.
KIM TRAITS Wounded, angry, betrayed, acts fearlessly, clever, masks her vulnerability by play acting, deep empathy. Distributes goodies as well as steals. LOGLINE Kim wants her inheritance which was stolen by her brother so Kim escapes his brutality, and sneakily damages the house again and again to make her point. She stays with him for a bit. Despite not wanting it, Roy is sweet. But Suzy’s anxious to go. Tara pops her head back in.
TARA
Hey, sorry but Ms. Carter looks like she’ll bolt if we don’t ….
Suzy gets up.
SUZY
Right. I’m on it.
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE- LATER THAT AFTERNOON
Suzy walks in to a disaster. The door pushes pizza boxes and bottles as it opens, and there’s trash on every surface. Woofie and Ludwig hesitate.
SUZY
Woofie! Ludwig. Your mama sent me.
She opens a bag of dog treats and seduces them as she finds their leashes…
SUZY
Nice to meet you. Walk? Go for a walk?
They warm up to her and are thrilled by the leashes and the three zoom out of the door.
INT. THEATRE- STAGE – CONTINUOUS
The top of the piano holds dozens of small PAPER SIP CUPS, each filled with earth. Kim finishes potting Marilyn’s flower seeds and then forms a heart shape with the cups. She places the seed packet in the center: Passion flowers. From off she hears someone enter the theatre
CREW (O.S.)
They NEVER hire enough people.
and Kim “exits stage left.”
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE- AFTERNOON- CONTINUOUS
As Woofie and Ludwig eat dinner, Suzy, on her cell phone, steps around the trashed house.
SUZY
Ms. Carter? It’s Nurse Suzy. Ludwig and Woofie are fine. Yes, yes they’re sweet as can be. I’ve walked and fed them. No, they didn’t leave any messes.
She listens.
SUZY
It’s OK. We all need help sometimes.
As she speaks, the door opens, and zit faced Connor enters with several of his friends- laughing.
SUZY
Let me call you back.
They carry bottles of beer, pizza boxes and stop cold when they see Suzy.
CONNOR
Who’re you???
SUZY
I’m the woman who’s going to make you clean up your mess. You others? OUT. NOW.
EXT. PARKING GARAGE- CONTINUOUS
Kim carries a heavy CARPETBAG – a souvenir from the theatre – as she passes the parking garage she overhears a conversation.
Intercut
INT. PARKING GARAGE
From inside
PARKING MANAGER
You’re lazy.
ATTENDANT 2
I looked. I looked three times.
PARKING MANAGER
How could you lose a VOLVO? A Volvo STATION WAGON??
Outside Kim did not consider the repercussions she would cause.
PARKING MANAGER
Give me your uniform.
ATTENDANT 2
It wasn’t there. It just suddenly showed up!
Outside
KIM
(self talk) Kim, you’re a bitch. You did that. You’re just like your brother. How could you do that to that poor kid? Think! Think!
Inside
PARKING MANAGER
If that woman sues us, you’re going to know what pain is.
ATTENDANT 2
But but
The manager grabs the kid’s jacket and turns his back. The kid, demoralized, walks out and Kim intercepts him.
KIM
This is your lucky day.
He moans. She hands him a bottle of expensive WINE and four theatre TICKETS- courtesy of a “Five finger discount.”
ATTENDANT 2
I lost my job!
KIM
That guy is a jerk. You’re a good kid. Why don’t you try working at the theatre? Go help them and they may hire you. Go on, now.
He considers and starts toward the theatre when she stops him.
KIM
Wait! But don’t bring the wine. Ix nay. Noooo Nellie.
He’s puzzled.
KIM
Trust me. I’m trying to get it right.
-
Day 4 Writing with Boldness (Anita Gomez) Hooks
What I learned in this assignment: A. What new information can I introduce? B. Where can I give a deeper understanding of known info? C. Where can I reverse something that has already been presented? Hopefully this scene delivers on all three.
Character Name: DANICA (Dani) BRAHMS
Traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Subtext: Secretive / Evasive, In denial
Character Logline: Danica is an ambitious lawyer whose career and very life is put in jeopardy by an unwanted pregnancy with her married boss.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
Back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience, but now we know that it is Danica, and the scene plays out from her POV.
The room is large but feels crowded, like dozens of people are buzzing around the room.
There’s a waiting incubator that feels more ominous than comforting.
Dani has no bedside partner or relative, no labor coach.
OB/GYN
Page the anesthesiologist! I think we’re looking at an emergency C-section.
DANICA
NO!
She SCREAMS in agony.
DANICA (CONT’D)
I can do this!
Another intense contraction hits her and Dani pushes with grunts and gritted teeth.
DANICA (CONT’D)
AAAHHHH!
OB/GYN
You might be willing but your system is under a huge amount of stress. You might lose your remaining kidney function if we don’t –
DANICA (in pain)
Nooo — !!!
As he speaks the <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> sits between her stirrup-ed knees to check her progress.
OB/GYN
We talked about this….
Dani screams again, giving another mighty push.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Okay… it looks like we’re having it your way, the baby’s crowning –
The already busy room swings into immediate action.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Ok, give me one more push!
She does, and after a moment of collectively held breath we hear an infant’s thin wail.
The <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> hands the baby over to the waiting pediatrician for assessment.
A Nurse attends to the mother…
NURSE (alarmed)
Doctor, she’s unconscious!
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – LATER, NIGHT
All is quiet.
Danica regains consciousness and scans the room. She’s alone.
A nurse walks in to check her I.V.
NURSE (too brightly)
Hello Dear!
DANICA
What – where’s –
NURSE
Your baby? Oh not to worry. She had a little check-up and we’ve got her in the nursery just waiting for you to wake up. I’ll bring her right in.
DANICA
No.
NURSE
No?
DANICA
I mean – do I have to see her right now?
The nurse raises the bed to a higher sitting position and fusses with the blankets as she talks.
NURSE
Oh you’re still a little fuzzy from everything. But holding your precious daughter will perk you right up!
DANICA
Daughter?
NURSE
Yes dear. You’ve had a darling little girl!
The nurse bustles out of the room.
Danica looks out the window at the dark sky.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – SHORTLY AFTER
The nurse wheels a bassinet into Danica’s room, cooing nonsense at the small pink bundle inside.
The nurse parks the bassinet right next to Dani’s bed, tenderly scoops the infant up and hands her over to Dani like she’s the new proud owner of a winning lottery ticket.
Danica reaches out and holds the infant awkwardly. The child, suspended in air begins to squirm and wiggle out of it’s cocoon-like blanket. Then Dani brings the child against her.
The nurse changes the position of the now whimpering baby.
NURSE
Most moms instinctively hold their babies with their heads to the left side – its where the baby can hear your heartbeat.
DANICA (snaps)
Well, maybe not all of us have maternal instincts.
(beat)
Did the doctors – is she? – are there any defects?
NURSE
Well dear, I wouldn’t say she had any birth defects. She’s just as healthy as can be –
DANICA
– but what about her kidneys?
NURSE
She was born just like her momma. With only one. But so far, it seems to be working just fine.
The nurse leans over to fuss with the baby’s blankets, who has now started crying in earnest.
Dani abruptly hands the crying infant back to the nurse and looks away.
DANICA
You can take her now. I won’t be breast-feeding. So I want those pills that dry up your milk.
The nurse is flummoxed. The baby’s truly wailing now, as the nurse tucks her back into the bassinet.
NURSE
Now sweetie, that’s a pretty big decision. Why don’t you just sleep on it.
DANICA
I don’t need to sleep on the decision – but I do need some sleep. Can you just please take her away?
Dani lowers the bed, and turns on her side away from the door and toward the dark window.
The nurse clucks to the baby as she wheels her out and meets up with another nurse at the doorway. They whisper to each other, but over the din of the baby’s cries we catch the phrase, “post-partum depression”.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Hooks
What I learned from this assignment:
I hope I used this skill properly. I used a Hook to introduce a competitor that wants my protagonist’s time slot, one discussing her show’s low ratings, another to suggest she’s hiding to avoid personal contact with patients, and one final Hook suggesting her show needs one caller to turn around the ratings. Each one builds to the next.
I hope these hooks work.
Character Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: sympathetic, hopeful, ambitious, anxious/insecure
Subtext: withholding, manipulative
Character Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ellen is forced to reveal secrets about her past family life to save her family.
SCENE:
INT. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
PETER WHITE, the station manager, sits at his desk shuffling papers around his desk, tolerating a conversation he would rather not have.
MAN (O.S.)
— I just think my show would be better served in a different time slot.
PETER
Uh-huh.
MAN (O.S.)
My audience has already doubled, and I’m attracting new sponsors every week. And let’s face it —
RICHARD SORKIN, fifties, salt and pepper hair, sports jacket, turtleneck, sits in a club chair working his boss, an obvious corporate climber.
RICHARD
— Ellen’s ratings have dropped.
PETER
Her show holds its own.
RICHARD
Don’t get me wrong. I like Ellen. I think she’s a nice lady. But this is business. And she’s flat-lined.
PETER
Her ratings are higher than yours.
RICHARD
I’m in the wrong position.
(beat)
And Jerry agrees with me.
Peter stops shuffling work and pays attention to Richard.
PETER
You spoke to Jerry?
RICHARD
We’ve had coffee.
Peter looks sideways at Richard, recognizing him for the climber he is, not pleased.
EXT. PARKING LOT, KCSF RADIO STATION – CONTINUOUS
Ellen’s SUV’s bounces and zooms into the lot. Frantic, she parks diagonally across two spaces, kicks open the door and drops out. The stain on her skirt if instantly noticed.
She drapes an oversized purse and a computer bag over her shoulder and runs for the front door, fighting to keep the bags on her shoulder and swiping at the coffee stain.
INT. RECEPTION – CONTINUOUS
CLAIRE BARROW is the producer of Ellen’s radio show. She’s the motherly type, fifties, greying hair, and dresses like soccer mom – slacks, collared shirt, comfortable shoes.
Claire meets Ellen at the doors in full mother mode.
CLAIRE
Where have you been? I called you thirty minutes ago.
ELLEN
Mackenzie refused to get out of bed. And Samantha forgot to do her homework…
CLAIRE
Never mind that now. Give me those.
She grabs Ellen’s bags and hurries Ellen through reception.
ELLEN
How late am I?
CLAIRE
Just hurry! That asshole Richard cut in line when you didn’t show. He’s lobbying for our spot.
ELLEN
Oh, shoot! SHOOT! SHOOT!
GAIL SIMMONS, the receptionist, watches the two women scurry across the lobby, shaking her head, quietly laughing.
INT. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Richard is working Peter when someone raps lightly on the door. It’s barely audible.
INT. CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS
Ellen and Claire wait outside Peter’s door. Ellen has knocked softly, but no-one answers. Claire POUNDS on the door.
PETER (O.S.)
Come in.
INT. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS
Ellen enters. Richard stands to leave.
PETER
Good morning, Ellen. Come in.
Richard steps passed Ellen, stops and turns to Peter.
RICHARD
We still on for lunch?
PETER
We’ll see.
Richard looks to Ellen.
RICHARD
Ellen.
ELLEN
Dick.
Richard accepts her insult with a smile and leaves.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Pete, I am so sorry. No excuses. My morning was just —
PETER
Don’t sweat it, Ellen. Have a seat.
Ellen looks to the club chair where Richard was sitting and chooses the opposite chair.
PETER (CONT’D)
I’d offer you coffee, but I see you’ve already had yours.
Ellen half-laughs and swipes at the stain on her skirt.
Peter opens a large ratings book.
PETER (CONT’D)
Why don’t we get to it.
ELLEN
Are my ratings that bad?
PETE
They’re not bad. But they’re not where we’d hoped they’d be. You’re audience is women, which is what we expected. But the demographic tends to lean older. Forties and fifties. The twenty and thirty year demo we targeted isn’t tuning in.
ELLEN
Am I cancelled?
PETER
No, you’re not cancelled. But it’s been suggested that a programming move may be needed. A new marketing campaign. Maybe guest spot-on other shows.
ELLEN
I wonder who suggested that.
PETER
Richard’s an ambitious asshole.
But his motives notwithstanding, I don’t think programming is the real problem.
Peter comes around his desk and leans against it to speak with Ellen like a father.
PETER (CONT’D)
I’m wondering if you’re here for the right reasons. If not you’re just here to hide.
ELLEN
What do you mean?
PETER
Have you thought about going back to private practice?
ELLEN
(anxious)
I can’t do that.
She avoids eye contact with him, nervous. Peter seems to understand.
PETER
Okay. But we need to get your rating up. Let’s talk with Jerry this afternoon at the programming meeting. See what we can work out.
ELLEN
(sheepish, embarrassed)
About that —
EXT. STATION ROOFTOP – DAY
Claire stands near the edge smoking.
She passes the cigarette to Ellen standing next to her. She takes a puff.
ELLEN
He thinks I’m hiding.
CLAIRE
From what?
Ellen gives Claire a look.
CLAIRE (CONT’D)
Oh.
Ellen takes a puff and passes the cigarette back.
ELLEN
Do you think I’m hiding?
CLAIRE
You’ll go back when you’re ready.
ELLEN
They want to reprogram the show.
CLAIRE
Richard. That fucking prick.
ELLEN
It’s not his fault. Sometimes I feel like I’m holding back.
CLAIRE
I know you want to avoid the more salacious calls, but it worked for Howard Stern.
Ellen chuckles.
ELLEN
Maybe I should call him. Get some pointers.
CLAIRE
One caller, that’s all we need. Just one caller.
Claire flicks the cigarette off the edge, and when they head to the door to the roof —
WIDE SHOT – THE ROOF
Twelve other smokers are on the roof smoking with them.
CUT TO:
-
Alice’s Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is
I don’t know if there are many hooks, but I “used” assignment to at least make it not having no hooks at all, so that it won’t be boring. I considered, checking with assignment requriments to make scene simple. Because it’s at the end, and nothing much required from it. However, it been written from scratch after consideration.
RESOLUTION TO PART 2
Wrapping up:
INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
“Boy” is getting martial training. He’s practicing Kung Fu.
DECADE LATER
“Boy”, ALATOU now matured. Practicing martial arts.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
Residential landing.
Alatou knocks on the door.
ALATOU
LA-TA!
LATA gets out, holding suitcase.
Noiselessly, they move along the landing, and up the stairs, her boyfriend following.
They start upstairs. Alatou with suspicion keeps looking down the staircase, where some shadows seem to him being moving.
On next landing Alatou’s partner ward is waiting. All four continue upward.
They almost reach the roof, Alatou still surveying below, as gunfire starts from above. They press to the wall. Alatou’s partner fires back, gets shot, and rolls down the stairs.
La-ta presses her hands to her ears, and starts screaming, her boyfriend holds her by the shoulders.
Alatou waits till those who fired would go down. When they do, keeps firing, till he shouts those three men down.
He with pain considers motionless partner on the stairs.
Steps running from bellow.
ALATOU
Go, run for it!
Pair disappears in direction of the roof, running for helicopter that came after them.
Alatou goes down, and meets those people from bellow with gunfire. He shoots two more down. Reloads his gun.
Slowly he continues along the landing. Noise from behind.
Alatou turns, and they fire at same time, Alatou killing his opponent, but getting shot and dropping down on the floor.
INT. APPARTMENT ON SAME LANDING – DAY
Lady on the bed pulls away pillow, with which she kept covering her ears, and slides down.
This is GEENA (39), very short, almost Lilliput, with same childish face, slim like ten years old, her dark hair cut in stripes very short either.
INT. RESIDENTIAL STAIRS – DAY
Door creeks. Gee-na gets out and slowly approaches Alatou on the floor. Kneels down over him.
INT. APPARTMENT A COUPLE OF FLOORS BELLOW – DAY
DEE-A-LA-KAH (47), slim woman with the face and figure of ex-prostitute on long diet of alcohol, with free-falling auburn untidy hair, remnants of former pride, practically going with mortar and pestle, looks into window to see FOU-AN-TA (42), ex-military muscular tall lady, coming, stepping speedily across the yard.
Dee-a-la-kah then turns to get out.
INT. RESIDENTIAL STAIRS – DAY
Door creaking from bellow. Steps up.
Dee-a-la-kah, wrapped in her gown, comes from bellow.
DEEALAKAH
Done?
GEENA
He’s breathing.
Fou-an-ta has time to overhear that, as she already made it upstairs, and she comes kneeling down also, with special practical air of specialist of such cases.
DEEALAKAH
Let’s bring him down!
GEENA
My apartment is closer!
All three pick up Alatou from different sides, and carry him to Geena’s apartment.
INT. DEEALAKA’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-kah pull at bottles from Dee-a-la-kah collection of alcoholic beverages, filled with whiskey and brandy.
They both pick significant number, Fou-an-ta three bottles, and Dee-a-la-kah four, from the shelf, to get stocked.
INT. GEENA’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-kah unlock entrance door, returning with their fare.
Geena tenderly shifts pillow under Alatou’s head, and pulls blanket upper, to cover him, and continues to stay near, not tearing her look from him, shedding on him adoration.
Fou-an-ta and Dee-a-la-ka deposit bottles on the table.
Fou-an-ta takes a good shot, and sits solidly before the table.
DEEALAKA
Let me write it!
FOUANTA
I’ve got better handwriting!
She picks up a paper, and starts on report in distinct handwriting, as if coming from one stencil.
“REPORT ON THE WARD, SHOT IN GUNFIRE, DONE BY FOUANTA…”
GEENA
Put me too!
Dee-a-la-kah glances down on Fou-an-ta disapprovingly. Fou-an-ta adds their names alongside of hers.
“…DEEALAKA, AND GEENA.
WARD ALATOU IS ALIVE, BUT UNCONSCIOUS.
HE IS NOW UNDER OUR SUPERVISION. PROMPT MEDICAL HELP REQUIRED.”
FOUANTA
Date!
Fou-an-ta picks a DATER, and presses it bellow, it burning paper enough to leave hieroglyphs representing Date of Miropolis.
Dee-a-la-ka pours her more whiskey, to consume after headwork.
INT. MEETING ROOM – DAY
La-ta and her boyfriend report to the military across the table.
BOYFRIEND
Alatou’s done everything for us to get out!
LATA
He was shooting!
BOYFRIEND
He was shooting like hell! He put three men down! He’s great person!
Military across the table scratches behind his ear, considering Alatou’s report before him on this young couple.
-
———-
Kates Hooks
What I learned doing this assignment is thinking how to plant something to pull us into the future, makes the dialogue tighter and focused.
NIA
• Traits: Kind, Hopeful, a little Manic, Principled, (In Denial, Self-censoring)
• Subtext: In denial, Self-Censoring
• Character Logline: Nia is a naive young woman who must find her personal courage to face the truth of her father and family.
• Possible areas of subtext: she insists D will change, she believes love can fix everything, she doubts other versions of her ‘truth/story’, she brushes away help and support, she almost turns down real love, she doesn’t speak up to D even when she doesn’t agree with him
SHAUN
• Traits: Kind, Romantic, Shy, Uncertain, Dutiful
• Subtext: Evasive, Resentful
• Character Logline: Shaun, only son of a Tiger Mother, whose chosen lifestyle in the theatre causes conflict with his Mother, to whom he knows he owes his life, which in turn makes him feel guilty and resentful finds courage to speak his truth..
• Possible areas of subtext: Shaun is passive aggressive with his mother, uncertain and hesitant with Nia, feeling unworthy, and torn between what he want to do and what he thinks is expected of him.
This scene happens early in the story – by about p10
EXT.POOL HALL – DAY
A classic run-down dark daytime pool hall. No smoking but plenty of beer. An old-style jukebox is playing Cindy Lauper.
Nia and Shaunn are just beginning a game of pool at one of the 3 tables.
The bartender, WINONA, an older woman with a lot of tattoos is washing glasses and reading a book – ‘The Feminine Mystique’.
SHAUNN
(jokingly to Nia)
Ok – prepare to die!
NIA
You shouldn’t talk to yourself like that. It’s not healthy.
SHAUNN
You got the break.
Nia expertly lines up her cue and takes aim. It’s a good one. A ball careens very close to a pocket – but not quite.
NIA
Agh!! Set you up.
SHAUNN
Like I said…!
He pockets it neatly.
(The game continues throughout their conversation. They are very evenly matched. Those details will be written in later.)
NIA
Where did you learn to play this game? Somehow I don’t see you in a pool hall.
SHAUNN
I went to a fancy school and took classes in Pool-Playing.
NIA
No you didn’t! – Did you?
SHAUNN
Nah. I snuck out at night when Mom was away and played down the corner. She was away a lot.
NIA
So you got pretty good at it. We had a pool table in my grandparent’s house.
SHAUNN
Yeah? Did they play?
NIA
A bit, my grandpa. I guess my Dad used to play. With my Mom.
SHAUNN
Wow! That’s cool. Does he have a pool table now?
NIA
No. I looked and I kinda asked about it. He changed the subject. He doesn’t talk about her.
SHAUNN
She died when you were really young right?
NIA
6.
SHAUNN
That’s hard.
NIA
And then he left. And I lived with my grandparents. His parents.
SHAUNN
What about your other grandparents?
NIA
Mom was also a bit of an orphan. Like me. Made her way in the world on her own. As far as I know. I have a lot of gaps in my family history.
SHAUNN
Maybe your Dad will help fill some in?
NIA
That’d be the plan.
She pots the last ball and throws her hands up in triumph.
NIA
And the first one to me!!
SHAUNN
Lucky!
NIA
Another?
SHAUNN
A beer first.
They head to the bar and perch on a stool each.
Winona puts her book down and comes over.
WINONA
Same again? Or something more celebratory?
SHAUNN
Beer for me.
NIA
And for me – but some fries?
WINONA
Curly?
NIA
With that buffalo sauce.
WINONA
You got it. You?
SHAUNN
I’m good, thanks.
Winona hands them each a beer.
WINONA
You’re an interesting pair.
NIA
(smiling)
In what way?
WINONA
Good-looking young people, educated, playing pretty good pool.
She heads to the kitchen.
NIA
What she didn’t say was, we’re not the usual white people they get here.
SHAUNN
Does that bother you? Being different?
NIA
Not really. Depends a bit on where I am but mostly No.
SHAUNN
I don’t like it.
NIA
What don’t you like?
SHAUNN
Being Chinese American. So much is expected of you.
NIA
Who by?
SHAUNN
Well, mostly my mother.
NIA
(with meaning)
You have a mother.
SHAUNN
She’s impossible. She’s on at me all the time. Watches me constantly.
NIA
Except when you were playing pool.
SHAUNN
Thankfully.
NIA
Look, I know you struggle with her, that she drives you mad. But you don’t have to be – mean to her.
SHAUNN
I’m not mean.
NIA
Yes, you are! I’ve heard how you talk to her! Or ignore her texts. She cares about you Shaunn!
SHAUNN
Have you heard of the Tiger Mother?
Winona arrives with the Fries.
WINONA
Ah, you got one of those?
NIA
Yes, I’ve heard of that. But it doesn’t make it ok to be like you are with her. She’d do anything for you, I know she would.
WINONA
Most Mothers will.
NIA
And fathers?
WINONA
Different creatures. Another beer?
NIA
Sure! Shaunn?
SHAUNN
Yeah. Thanks. Nia’s on a tear. I might need it.
Winona hands over 2 more beers.
WINONA
She doesn’t let stuff go by?
SHAUNN
Nope. Never.
Winona laughs and moves back to other end of the bar and her book.
NIA
What did that mean?
SHAUNN
That if you want to know something, do something, get something you go for it. Your dad better look out!
NIA
And you’re the one that stops me losing it!
She holds up her beer.
NIA
Cheers to us! Best of besties!
SHAUNN
To us! Now, back to the table – my turn!
-
Day 4 – Hooks – Assignment
Mike 0 – Hooks
What I learned is… it works in tandem with anticipatory dialogue in helping to create suspense, drive momentum and keep the reader/audience engaged and wanting to read more.
1. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their SCL (Subtext Character Logline) above the scene.
2. Look through your outline and find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
3. Write a scene where hooks are present throughout. An easy way to do that is to have your characters confront a new obstacle that changes everything.
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A. What new information can I introduce?
B. Where can I give a deeper understanding of known info?
C. Where can I reverse something that has already been presented?============================================
Brooklyn traits Trait 1- Workaholic – obsessed with her work, her art Trait 2 – Romantic Trait 3 – Indecisive and struggles w/ OCD Trait 4 – Yearns to be a successful artist
Subtext Character: Conflicted, In denial — unwilling to acknowledge her pain, her loss.
Character Logline: Brooklyn, a gifted painter who hides in her work in order to avoid facing life.=================================================
INT. CAFE – NEXT MORNING
Sunglasses and moving gingerly, Brooklyn follows Carolyn’s lead. If she is feeling any ill effects from last night’s merry-making, it isn’t evident. She is her boisterous self.
At a window table, they have coffee and share a pastry. Carolyn hands Brooklyn a sealed envelope. Look on her face that of a proud mother.
Carolyn waits for her to open the envelope.
CAROLYN “Iverson has it in his head you’ll be the one to paint the murals for his villa.”
Brooklyn reads the figure on the check. Look of disbelief passes over her. She looks at Carolyn.
BROOKLYN “Serious? He asked me how I felt about murals on our drive in from the airport.”
CAROLYN “It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. The exposure alone is worth its weight in gold. “
Brooklyn slips the check back in the envelope, folds it in half and puts it in her purse.
BROOKLYN “I can’t believe any of this. It’s a dream come true.”
CAROLYN “You’ve earned it. Iverson’s home will appear in Architectural Digest and who knows where else.”
BROOKLYN “The way he looks at me, his hand on the small of my back when he was leading onto the dance floor.”
CAROLYN “Granted, he’s a few years older, but the man lives in a world we can only imagine. He would be a great provider.”
BROOKLYN (makes an ew face) “You sound like my mom. I don’t love him… I don’t even know him.
CAROLYN “Then, get to know him. Take him out for a test drive. Trust me, love at first sight is for gooey-eyed sixteen year olds. “
BROOKLYN “Speaking of big leagues, I’m out of mine. How would you like a Rocky Mountain presence in the art world?”
Carolyn’s startled expression says volumes.
CAROLYN “Thought you told me you were going to sell everything.”
BROOKLYN “I’m a painter, Carolyn; not a business woman. I can’t see myself running a gallery. At the same time, I won’t sell my father’s place. He left it to me. Did you know (blinks back tears) he named it, Babbling-brook, after me.”
CAROLYN “What about — what’s his name, your father’s manager?”
BROOKLYN “You mean Richard? There’s something about him; I’ve no proof, but my gut tells me he’s been taking advantage of my dad. He wants the gallery. (with finality) He’s a not-to-be-trusted pretty boy who is up to no good.”
Carolyn reaches across the table, takes Brooklyn’s hand.
CAROLYN “I’ll come out. We can review your clientele, the sales and showings, do a thorough analysis. Remember, I was an accountant before I bought my gallery.”
BROOKLYN “You will never guess who bought the two paintings from my very first showing.(off her look) You knew?”
CAROLYN “I’m glad you’re seeing your father for who he was. The man loved you.”
BROOKLYN “Just the other day I asked you if you knew him?”
CAROLYN “No, you asked me if your mother ever spoke about him, she didn’t.”
BROOKLYN “You’re a sly one. Let me guess, you also knew he was an artist.”
Carolyn nods, takes a bite of the pastry.
BROOKLYN “I found the paintings in his house along with about a thousand photos of me.”
CAROLYN “Like I’ve always said, love finds a way.”
Brooklyn nods, touched by the sentiment.
Carolyn and Brooklyn reach for their forks at the same time. Stopped by the coincidence, they give each other a look. And as Brooklyn’s gaze drops, we HOLD ON her fork as it cuts into the generous slice of chocolate-cinnamon coffee cake.
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Lisa, you are so right. I’ve gone over several scenes half a dozen times and applied the lessons we have been taught. With each pass, the scene becomes deeper, more polished. I also find that I have a myriad of “new” ideas coming to mind and I jot them down to implement where and when needed. Great class!
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