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Day 4 Assignments
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June Fortunato’s Rough Draft Day 4 of openings
What I learned: I’d written the twists and inciting incidents while reading Day 1’s info. I have two protagonists, and two sets of inciting incidents, and twists. I might have to interlace Kim’s introduction with Roy’s, but the timeline is set up so they can’t arrive at the hospital simultaneously.
Retirement: two protagonists- two sets of the first three criteria and page numbers:
Roy Page 1 Roy is locked out (intrigue) this is the inciting incident. Page 3 steals a van (twist) Page 8 beaten half to death- this compounds the inciting incident because he can no longer live the way he used to–we know that the story is about him finding a true home and permanent love.
Kim Introduced on Page 11 intrigue- crazy person goes into the home- provocative- and twist– it’s her house and this is her brother- antagonists introduced Page 12-(KIM’S PAGE 3) Kim’s thrown down the staircase (inciting incident) twist- her brother and sister in law have stolen all her money and they intend to pass her off as crazy and lock her up so that they can steal her house.
The First ten pages of Retirement
OVER BLACK
“1972”
JOE (V.O.)
Fugazi. Moron. Chumpface. You enLISTED? If I could get out of this, I would. Why you gotta follow me everywhere?
ROY (V.O.) We’re compadres. Amigos. Buds for life.
JOE (V.O.) Yeah? Well we’re both gonna die in that jungle. We’re not gonna get home.
“50 YEARS LATER”
Fade In
EXT. SUZY’S RENTAL – SPRING, 2022 – LATE AFTERNOON
Roy, late 60s, scruffy despite the “interview blazer” he wears, wiry dude with nervous energy, tries the front door. Locked. He knocks.
ROY Suzy? Oh Suzy-Q! Yo yo. Open open! Your Mr. Man is here!
No response. He leans his ear to the door. He knocks. Then he sings through the door to the Beatle’s tune of “Honeypie.”
ROY (sung) Suzy-Q. You are driving me crazy. And you think I am lazy.. but won’t you let me come home?
Silence. He hunts the yard for flowers (weeds) fists a bouquet and holds it up to a window at the top of the door.
EXT/INT SUZY’S RENTAL – CONTINUOUS
ROY (sung) Oh Suzy-Q. I am freezing my ass off. And I long to be near you. So won’t you let me come in?
Silence.
ROY (spoken) Babydoll. I’m sorry for … whatever I did. Said. I dunno.
Pause. Come on honey. Let me rub your aching little feet. Let old Roy make it right like I do. …. Your Mr. Roy reporting.. at your command…. Very cold out here. Cold.
Nada. He shuffles around the side of the house and lights a fire in the grill to warm himself. He keeps looking up at the house.
EXT./INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – NIGHT It’s dark. Fire’s gone down. He smashes his mug into the window and makes weird faces to make her laugh. Nothing. He slips the window open, steps onto the dying grill, and slides himself inside.
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – NIGHT Cleared out. A few straggles of his clothes are on the floor. He knows what to do. He drags the fridge to retrieve his hidden; worn-out box. Inside: a knife, his dog-tags and something shiny with a ribbon; wrapped in a bloody bandana. And a note. From Suzy. It reads:
SUZY (V.O.) You know this is hard for me but I can’t do this anymore. Take care of yourself you dope and don’t do anything stupid. Oh, and this medal? So. Get your benefits. Not that anyone can tell you what to do. Roy. I’m out. Take care.
Roy is surprised that Suzy knows. It shakes him. Then he gathers himself and gets to it. He fills the tub and slips into the bath. He shaves off his beard and stares at himself.
ROY Yo asshole. Haven’t seen you in a while.
Wrapped in the clothes he uses as towels, he locates a few hidden tools under the sink: screwdriver, multitool, gloves. He sets everything out. His shoes. His box. He puts his coat by the window. He’s ready.
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – DAWN Roy sleeps in the hallway, clothes packed around him and piled on top of him when a key turns the lock. Roy bolts awake. The landlord enters with a crowbar in his hand. Two cleaning ladies lean in behind the landlord to catch a glimpse of Roy.
LANDLORD Get out.
ROY Goooooood morning!
LANDLORD Out.
ROY Yo, let a man take a morning dump, would ya?
Roy sprints into the bathroom and locks the door. The landlord tries the bathroom door. To the cleaning ladies:
LANDLORD Go ahead and start in the kitchen.
The landlord hears Roy whistling the Beatles tune, “We Can Work It Out” through the door.
LANDLORD I’m not as patient as Nurse Suzy. You got one minute and I bust down the door.
Roy gathers his tools puts on his shoes, and talks while he opens the window.
ROY And ruin this nice house? Don’t do that, Joe. It’s Joe, right? I had a friend name a Joe once….. He died.
LANDLORD Get the fuck out you mooch. I lost a great tenant because of you.
Roy shimmies through the window, calling back:
ROY Joe. Joe. You gotta work on your windows, man. Wax the sashes.
and runs to the beat-up cleaning van.
EXT. SUZY’S RENTAL & CLEANING VAN – CONTINUOUS Roy slides into the van and rams the screwdriver into the ignition.
ROY Come on old girl… Make it rain.
He gets it to turn over, and backs out as
INT. SUZY’S RENTAL – MORNING – CONTINUOUS The landlord pounds on the bathroom door.
LANDLORD Yo. Get out. Now!
The landlord forces the door as the van pulls onto the road. Joe finds the window open and a pile of beard clippings on the floor.
INT./EXT. – VAN – CONTINUOUS Totally wired, leaning on the filthy steering wheel, ROY forces the accelerator to the floor freaking out every other car who dodges the maniac; swerves and pulls over.
ROY Yeah baby! Rock em sock em! Step aside Uncle Roy knows how to fly!
Sirens behind. Roy looks back at them.
ROY That’s the plan! Free room and board comin up from behind. Watch out guys, old Roy’s coming in for a landing.
EXT./INT. PIGGLY WIGGLY – CONTINUOUS He swerves into a cordoned off wall of a PIGGLY WIGGLY and jumps into the back of the van just before he slams into the building. Nobody’s hurt but the front of the van now looks at the sausage counter inside.
ROY Hot dang! I ain’t felt that good since I blew up the ammo hut in Nam. Fuckers exploded for hours!
Roy slides back into the driver’s seat as The MANAGER of the Piggly Wiggly runs out waving his arms – and PEOPLE with coffee cups scream at him – The COP CAR parks sideways behind him and TWO COPS jump out – GUNS aimed. Still at the wheel, Roy rehearses:
ROY
Officer, Officers, a man needs his java-bean. So sorry, but I seem to have mistakenly hit something. I can’t see shit with these eyes – I’m a veteran, Yes, sir, fucked up. Nam.
Two officers approach. Roy puts his hands up.
ROY Hell, you’re just a young pup. Pop that zit, son. So where do I get my coffee?
INT. JAIL HOLDING CELL – EARLY AFTERNOON THREE MEN, strung-out and acting jaggy and a terrified teen TYRONE, share the holding cell with Roy. The teen looks back and forth – eyes dart, scared and shaky. The big guy barfs a load at the kid’s feet while Roy yanks Tyrone out of the way just in time.
ROY Christ, what was that? Spaghetti?
To the kid.
ROY Gotta dodge.
But Tyrone seems paralyzed. The guy who puked stares at Tyrone. The other two, A SKANKY guy and a BUTTROTTEN DUDE also in withdrawal, are agitated, and pound the walls. Skank rolls on his side back and forth.
SKANK Pain! I’m in fucking pain!
Buttrot heads to the open toilet. Severe case of diarrhea which drips all over his legs. It reeks. Tyrone holds his nose.
PUKEFACE (to Tyrone) I know you.
Roy stands in front of the kid and blocks Pukeface.
ROY No no no Pukeface. You have a case of “mistaken I. D. Ent- IT tee.”
PUKEFACE (to the kid) Where’d you stash it?
He gets close and reaches to grab the kid and Roy shoves his arm out of the way.
PUKEFACE Where’s the fucking blow?
ROY Back off big boy.
Pukeface lurches at the boy again. Roy grabs his shirt.
TYRONE I don’t have no drugs. I took a car. No drugs!
ROY You’re standing in your slop Pukeface. Watch you don’t slip.
Roy gives the Puke a shove and the man falls backwards and face down between Buttrot’s legs. Buttrot flushes the toilet before Pukeface rolls away.
ROY (to Pukeface) Head call?
PUKEFACE (to Roy) I will kill you. You’re fuckin dead!
Tyrone backs up and Roy sits his ass down next to him.
BUTTROT Shit, shit, shit, shit.
Buttrot tries to stand but has to sit down again.
ROY I took a car, too.
TYRONE You did?
ROY Yes sir. Yes sir. Why’d you take a car?
TYRONE Tik tok.
ROY Tickety tockerdy now you’re in the stockardy. How’s that for a life plan?
A guard comes and bangs the bars. He carries a tray with gray slop which is supposedly something to eat.
GUARD Shut up. Back away.
He shoves the tray in.
GUARD Goddamn junkies. You reek.
And walks away. The kid is starving, but when he tastes it, he spits it out. Even the Pukeface laughs. The kid stares. Calling back to the guard.
ROY Now that’s fine service!
He smells it.
ROY
It would appear that my retirement plan is misguided. I think a hospital is a much better option, don’t you? Tyrone, why don’t we play “slide on the slop then throw it where you flop?
ROY Watch me fellas. (To Tyrone) Like this.
Roy splashes his food onto the floor and slides across the room in it. Tyrone is amazed. He joins in. Together, they slide all over the cell. Skank gets frenzied and starts yelling.
SKANK Pain! Fuck fuck fuck!
Skank grabs his stomach and rolls around with severe abdominal cramps. Buttrot flushes and wobbles to stand. The floor is slick and a stinking mix of so-called food and puke. Skank throws his food at Roy. A guard comes by to stop the chaos.
ROY Just a little food fight, officer.
GUARD You’re gonna eat that slop.
Exactly as Roy expected.
ROY (feigns terror) Uh oh. Sorry officer. So sorry. I was just cooling it down.
He scrapes it and dumps it into the toilet and then flushes. It clogs and overflows. The guard watches it all.
BUTTROT (howls) I need that toilet!
SKANK Pain! Ow ow ow!
PUKEFACE Motherfucker!
He pummels, kicks, and beats Roy senseless.
GUARD You like that, Roy? Asshole. (to Pukeface) Back off.
Tyrone stands back in awe.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – OSTEO UNIT – EVENING
A GURNEY with a bandaged and splinted Roy rolls by Suzy’s station. ATTENDANT TIM taps on Suzy’s desk, drops a MANILLA file onto it and as he pushes past and into a room:
ATTENDANT TIM Broken rib. Trauma to the kidney. Dislocated shoulder. Old guy.
Suzy nods.
ATTENDANT TIM Stinks, too.
Suzy stands, picks up the file, opens it as she walks. The name stops her short, and she stares into the room from the hallway.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – OSTEO UNIT – EVENING – CONTINUOUS Tim settles Roy – He fastens a restraint between the bed and Roy, moves the IV pole and shows Roy how to work the bed and hit the call button. Suzy enters.
SUZY One day, Roy. One!
ROY Babydoll!
He coughs and can’t get a breath. She takes his temperature.
SUZY Don’t test me. (To Tim) I know him. The last thing this man is, is a flight risk.
Tim looks at her.
He doesn’t need those.
Tim removes the restraints and leaves. Suzy inserts a port and hooks up the IV line with fluids. Then she looks at the thermometer.
ROY I love it when you touch me.
She ignores him.
SUZY You’re running a fever.
ROY My Suzy Q makes me hot.
He gets an internal jab and moans. She checks his chart again.
SUZY Knock it off. Behave or I’ll have you transferred. Doc will be in to see you.
She writes on the chart, and as she’s leaving:
ROY I’m starving.
She halts. Turns to a cabinet, unlocks it and takes out an Ensure type drink, and crackers – opens everything for him and heads for the exit.
ROY You’re my Joan of Arc.
SUZY And you’re in a heap of trouble, Roy. Meds will kick in soon.
As she exits.
SUZY And don’t move. That rib can puncture your heart.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – EVENING – CONTINUOUS Suzy strides out and her “No BS” demeanor dissolves. Worry, frustration and empathy tear at her. She flips through Roy’s narrative/chart and makes a decision.
INT. / EXT. BUS – NIGHT
KIM, 60s, her zen veneer masks her gyrating emotions. She’s a fighter with a hit-and-run approach who lives on the edge. Her vocal self-talk demonstrates years of therapy. Holding several CARRY BAGS, Kim speaks aloud throughout the bus ride to no on-one in particular. When they pretend not to hear, she proclaims even louder, and looks at them to get their attention.
KIM Yes, I’m coming. Yes, I have a right to be there. You know I’m right. She tugs the stop-cord and the bus pulls over to a remote area on the edge of a very dark park. A lone house with a light on inside. As she exits:
KIM I’m fine. I’m good. Don’t worry about me.
EXT. COTTAGE – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS Kim circles the house. She sits in the garden facing the lit window and lights a cigarette. Kim’s words turn into a chant.
KIM I am strong. I belong. You can’t stop me. I will survive.
A woman, INGRID, 30s, society snotty, yanks the blind open and glares out. Then a man, 60s, BRIAN, comb over, a spineless Dweeb, joins the woman. Kim sees them staring.
KIM This is mine. Mine.
Kim gets up and goes to the door. Before she can knock, Ingrid has swung the door open.
INGRID Stupid cow.
BRIAN Kim, just leave. Don’t start this.
KIM Hi Brian.
INT. COTTAGE – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS Kim sails in and heads for a staircase and climbs.
BRIAN Ingrid doesn’t want you here.
KIM And I don’t want Ingrid here. Except that this is my house.
INGRID She’s smoking! Brian!
BRIAN Kim, please.
Almost to the top.
KIM Wouldn’t Mom be proud of you, Bry Bry?
Ingrid lurches past Brian and up the staircase after Kim.
INGRID I said, “Get Out.”
She grabs Kim and pulls her backwards. Kim tumbles with all of her things, hits bottom and howls.
INGRID (innocently to Brian) It was an accident.
Brian is on the phone.
BRIAN Ambulance, please. My sister has had a tremendous fall.
INGRID She’ll be OK.
BRIAN We have to think. Ingrid. We have to think. How do we explain this one?
INGRID Tell them she’s crazy. She’s “unstable.”
BRIAN We already took most of what she owned.
INGRID So get her locked up. She’ll be cared for. Pull strings.
Brian looks down at Kim who doesn’t move.
INGRID It’s for her own protection.
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Dev’s First Ten Pages
What I learned is to simplify, be clearer, and that nothing that I write is sacred – no matter how great I ‘thought’ it was!
FADE IN:
EXT. CLAY CAINE’S HOME – SUMMER NIGHT
Trees sway in a light summer breeze around a modest but picturesque Southern home. A dim light comes from its basement and this from the television inside:
TV NEWS (O.S.)
(Crowd chanting)
Jews will not pervert us! Blacks will not subvert us!
As the chant continues, the breeze turns to gusts that whip the trees into a frenzied dance.
INT. CLAY CAINE’S BASEMENT – NIGHT
TV NEWS: Torch bearing marchers are led by youthful white supremacist leader ADAM SPENCER.
CLAY (O.S.)
Idiots following an idiot.
Counter protestors converge on them. Chaos.
CLAY CAINE sits in the dim of the TV. He sighs heavily, then–
WHAM! Wind slams his house with such force, TV blacks out, leaving him in the dark.
CLAY
Fuck.
EXT. LANGSTON FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Wind rattles through rusty carnival rides, balloons and VOTE banners are swept into spinning dust devils. Still, there’s quite a few people there – all white.
A little GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when the wind frees it and carries it off like a bobbing pink cloud. She chases after it when the now very visible Clay Caine, former marine, fit in his 50’s, snags it out of the air and then strides with it back to the girl. Clay likes being a hero. He also likes admiring her small comely form as she prances happily away.
EXT. STAGE – CONTINUOUS
A giant wind-ripped American flag flaps over the stage as the CONFEDERATES, a COUNTRY BAND gives up on their set in the punishing wind. They clear off when the wind takes a dramatic break. Nothing stirs but the grateful audience.
Now, Clay Caine makes his entrance. He hops up on the stage with a single bound. He rights the fallen microphone and looks at out his audience.
CLAY
Thank you, Lord, for diminishing this wind! For we shall be the calm before the storm!
He expected cheers but there are none.
CLAY (CONT’D)
Hey, I’m grateful to y’all for coming out to support me today! Especially with his crazy wind!
Sparse reaction.
CLAY
You know, I’m often asked why I’ve been called to lead and I answer: It’s because of you! It’s because this is our country!
Still not much audience reaction so he dials it up – dramatically points to the wind-ripped flag.
CLAY
And that is our flag!
Uneasy shuffling amongst the crowd. Clay paces.
CLAY
Do you know what the red on our flag stands for? Do you? It stands for our forefathers who were baptized in their own blood for our freedoms! Yours and mine, ladies and gentlemen! Yours and mine!
No response. Then… a lone voice calls out.
ADAM
Clay Caine!
It’s Adam Spencer from the TV.
ADAM SPENCER
You’re a WINO!
Clay searches the crowd, finds Adam.
CLAY
You’re wrong there, son, I don’t drink.
ADAM SPENCER
Dude! It’s a White Supremacist in Name Only!
(Turning to the crowd)
Listen to me everybody. This WINO is nothing but quid pro status quo!
(Directing the crowd to chant)
Quid pro status quo! Quid pro status quo!
It catches on.
CROWD
Quid pro, status quo! Quid pro, status quo!
As the crowd chants, the wind rises. Clay yells his response soundlessly against it while Adam stands, arms wide, to embrace the gale. The chanting crowd hoists Adam onto the stage then physically removes Clay, tossing him off the stage into the dirt.
CROWD
Adam! Adam! Adam!
Adam looks down at Clay.
ADAM
The Klan’s dead, old man! Long live the Sons of Patriots!
Clay looks up at the stage, his stage, his people, usurped by Adam. He turns his gaze to the sky where the wind swirls up and up and up…
EXT. SPACE – CONTINOUS
The black of space, the light of stars when thousands of pulsating worlds come humming into view like harp strings.
String Theory.
Vibrantly healthy strings existing next to those dimming. Some spiral to their deaths, sucked into black holes.
Then: Bursts of radiant light herald the birth of new strings.
Among these multiverses, one STRING frays like the split ends caused by overbleached hair. Like a cancer spreading, its ragged tendrils breach a neighboring string…
EXT. FAIR GROUNDS – GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
A country fair with all the fixings. GOSEL MUSIC ON STAGE, folks, mostly black, milling about…
COTTON CANDY STAND – A LITTLE GIRL proudly counts out her coins for her cotton candy and is about to take a sticky bite when a very out of the blue SURGE OF WIND carries it off. She chases after it when former teacher, still fit in his 50’s, black man, LINCOLN ABLE, snags it out of the air. He jogs back with it back to the little girl just as he hears his name being chanted over the wind.
CROWD (O.S.)
Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
Lincoln gives her a smile, then heads off through the bluster towards a STAGE festooned with a giant waving American flag. A GET OUT THE VOTE poster twirls in the wind.
EXT. STAGE – MOMENTS LATER
Lincoln strides up and grabs the microphone to the crowds’ approval.
LINCOLN
Hey, y’all!
He ducks the errant GET OUT THE VOTE poster that blows past.
LINCOLN
Whoa! Where’d this wind come from? Let’s try that again! Hey, y’all!
Cheers and response. All good.
LINCOLN
Who out there is registered to vote?
Hands raise.
LINCOLN
Now who isn’t?
No one raises their hands.
LINCOLN
C’mon now, fess up.
More than a few raise their hands.
LINCOLN
So y’all are registering today, right?
They cheer that they are when…
YOUNG BLACK WOMAN
Why don’t you run, Lincoln?
CROWD
Yeah! Lincoln! Lincoln! Lincoln!
Over the wind…
LINCOLN
Nah, nah, now, I’m just here to…
But the wind steals his words as it travels up and up…
INT. CLAY’S HOME – DINING ROOM – EVENING
Clay, his passive younger wife Hannah, a nurse’s aid, (30’s), and their fearful but silently rebellious daughter, EMMY, (17) eat dinner together. Their silence looms large against clinking silverware.
Hannah swallows audibly – her food going down dry. She wipes her mouth with a white cloth napkin and then carefully places it on her lap.
HANNAH
Clay, I was thinking maybe tonight we could have some dinner conversation.
CLAY
Why? This is time for silent reflection, where we sit and eat in gratitude for our food and each other.
HANNAH
Yes, that’s so important. But I was hoping today could be an exception seeing what happened today? To you.
Emmy anxiously looks up at her mother.
CLAY
Paul tells us: “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength. But with your testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it.
HANNAH
What is your way out?
CLAY
He hasn’t provided it yet.
HANNAH
Then, maybe it’s a sign you should be getting out.
CLAY
Do you believe in me?
HANNAH
Of course I do.
Emmy clears her throat, wipes her mouth, places her napkin on her plate.
EMMY
I do too, Daddy. May I please be excused?
HANNAH
I know with the Lord’s help, you can handle it, but we need to support you on this. Families stick together through thick and thin. Maybe we can discuss that. How we’re going to stick together.
CLAY
You’re making too much of this.
HANNAH
But people are turning away from you.
CLAY
Because they like what’s bright and shiny. I’m steady. They’ll come back to that.
HANNAH
But things are changing so fast. No one’s listening to reason these days.
DOORBELL
EMMY
That’s Bethany! May I go?
CLAY
Bring her in to say ‘hello’ first.
Clay wipes his mouth, sits up tall in his chair as Emmy escorts in BETHANY (17), a budding beauty just discovering her powers.
Hannah notices Clay noticing…
BETHANY
Evening, Mr. and Mrs. Caine.
CLAY
Evening, Bethany. How’s your folks?
BETHANY
They’re doing good– I mean ‘well,’ they’re doing well.
CLAY
Well– You give them my regards.
HANNAH
Mine too.
CLAY
So where are you young ladies headed out to tonight?
Emmy throws a quick glance at Bethany.
BETHANY
A bunch of us are meeting up for a video game contest — at the church.
Clay playfully frowns his disapproval.
CLAY
The church sponsors video games?
BETHANY
Oh, they’re not violent or… you know.
Sexual?
CLAY
Good to know.
EMMY
May we go?
Clay waves them off.
CLAY
Off with you then.
HANNAH
Take your plate to the sink first.
Emmy hurriedly carries her dish to the sink, is about to leave–
HANNAH
Rinse it.
Emmy does, then joins Bethany to leave.
BETHANY
Y’all have a nice evening.
As the teen girls turn and leave, Clay eyes Bethany’s backside.
CLAY
You too.
Hannah’s not blind.
INT. CAINE TV ROOM – NIGHT
The room’s dark. Clay’s dosing, head sunk deep into chest. News plays softly in the b.g.
Hannah stops at the doorway.
HANNAH
Clay? I’m up to bed now. You coming?
His SNORING tells her he isn’t. Nothing new. She exits.
He sleeps on…
LATER: The TV now plays a report on climate change, showing a crowded pig farm followed by flooding waters.
NEWS REPORTER (V.O.)
…and increasing floodwaters due to climate change often contain infectious organisms including E. Coli, Salmonella, and Shigella…
Clay snaps awake with a start, sees the floods being shown.
CLAY
Siri! TV off!
It still plays the clash.
CLAY
TV off!
He grabs the remote, pushes the red button. TV blinks off.
EXT. CLAY’S BATHROOM – NIGHT
He tries the door. It’s locked. Knocks.
EMMY
Be out in a minute, Daddy.
Clay leans his head on the door.
CLAY
It’s late. What time did you get in?
EMMY (O.S.)
Oh, hours ago, Daddy. I just had to… you know, girl stuff.
CLAY
Okay, just pass me my toothbrush, will ya?
She does. He heads to the kitchen…
EXT. KITCHEN – MOMENTS LATER – AT SINK
Clay brushes his teeth. A dead tree illuminated by the moon shows through the kitchen window.
FLASHBACKS to…
EXT. CAINE BACKYARD – KLAN RALLY – NIGHT – FLASHBACK
Grand Dragon AUGUST ABLE stands under the tree, now living, as he delivers a speech to his Klan followers.
AUGUST ABLE
The ‘melting pot’ they say. A nation of many colors and beliefs that they say will build utopia.
In his own mini-Klan robe, eight-year-old Clay listens with rapt attention to his Grandfather. Young Clay’s face glows in the light of a burning cross.
AUGUST ABLE (CONT’D)
But we defy assimilation. And not because the colored aren’t children of God, but because they cannot – will not – ever attain the superior level of the white.
INT. KITCHEN – OUT OF FLASBACK
A VOICE interrupts.
EMMY (O.S.)
I’m out, Daddy.
Clay turns away from the kitchen sink to see Emmy’s pale face looking in on him. He nods.
INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT
Clay closes the lid on the toilet, sits. Breathing in deep, he closes his eyes.
CLAY
Lord, give me the power to defeat thine enemies and thwart the rising tide of chaos. Amen.
INT. CLAY’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
He carefully crawls in bed and settles with his back to his wife’s. Still, she rolls over to him, puts her arm around him to snuggle.
Clay moves to remove her arm when he realizes: It’s a female arm but the skin covering it is not white – it’s black.
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DAY 4 – The Necessary Structural Components
Lisa’s Rough Draft
What I learned is to focus the story on the main events while setting the stage for the entire movie.
FIRST 10 (13) PAGES OF “MARY’S WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS”
—————–
EXT-SENECA FALLS, NY
UNDER THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
It is a frightening night. Thunder and lightning and pouring cats & dogs. The rocky river below the bridge is running fast. We see two figures hanging by a rope off the bridge. They appear to be tied together. The MAN dressed in a white robe like an angel, is passed out and just dangling from the other MAN. No wait! The other figure is a WOMAN. She’s trying to pull up the MAN to get a better grip on him but he’s dead weight. We close in on the WOMAN who turns to the camera and breaks the fourth wall.
WOMAN
They say when you’re near death, your life flashes before you, I’m dangling here wondering what will happen to my family if I don’t get out of this. Especially since the passed-out guy below me is my husband. What would happen if I weren’t here?
She looks down at the MAN.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
And how do you save a war hero?
Mary’s cell phone rings. She digs for it under her life jacket. She answers the call and speaks as though nothing is wrong.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
I can’t talk now, sweetie.
The woman hangs up and stuffs the phone back into her life jacket. The rope jerks! She looks up at the rope but can’t see anything through the torrential rain.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
Well, this is what I do. (yelling) I’m a mother in America!
The woman throws her arms out and lets the rain fall.
WOMAN (CONTINUED)
Like all mothers, I work my ass off every day to convince everyone around me, and sometimes myself, that it really is a wonderful li…
Snap! The rope breaks and the woman and man fall out of view of the camera
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
…iiiiiife!!
FADE OUT
SLOW FADE IN SHOWS EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY-DAY
WOMAN (VOICEOVER)
Here lies Seneca Falls, New York, the inspiration for the classic Christmas movie It’s a Wonderful Life…a sickening sweet taste of times gone by that is watched by almost everyone in the world during that magical time of the year…
We recognize this voice as the voice of the WOMAN hanging from the bridge.
SHOTS OF MAIN STREET DECORATED FOR CHRISTMAS. THE “YOU ARE NOW ENTERING BEDFORD FALLS” SIGN.
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
There’s even a fake sign on the way into town which reads “You are entering Bedford Falls.” For all intents & purposes, Seneca Falls IS Bedford Falls. Just look at it. Many of the businesses in town cater to the It’s a Wonderful Life theme…
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CLARENCE HOTEL, THE BIJOU THEATER, ZUZU’S CAFÉ, MARTINI’S BAR, THE NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM
There are people walking around town and going in and out of the buildings, but they’re all in summer clothing. It’s hot in December!
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
…Not to mention the National Women’s Rights Museum, the other reason Seneca Falls is even on a map.
EXT-SHOTS OF SENECA FALLS, NY (CONTINUES)
THE CHURCH AT THE END OF THE STREET
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
Well, the church marks the end of Main Street, except if you look across the way you will find…wait for it…YES! the It’s a Wonderful Life Museum. Our real raison d’etre…
SHOT OF THE FRONT OF THE IAWL MUSEUM
SHOT OF THE GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
Oh no. There it is the George Bailey bridge sitting in the middle of town and haunting us every day with a story of community and redemption that we must try to live up to…
CUT TO SHOT OF THE STREET WHERE WOMAN LIVES. OVER OPENING CREDITS.
WOMAN (V.O. CONTINUES)
There is the street where I live. I’m Mary Winters, Mary Mills-Winters. Born and raised in this one-horse, close-knit town in upstate New York. I am a mom, a sister, a daughter, a winery-worker, a community activist, a volunteer firefighter…and an ex.
MOVE SLOWLY DOWN THE ROW OF OLD VICTORIAN HOMES
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
But the one thing I always wanted to be I am not. A world traveler. Before I could read, I would live under the covers with my mom’s copy of National Geographic magazine. Staring at incredible photos of faraway lands and pledging that I would see for myself whatever escape was featured each week.
SHOT OF MARY’SHOUSE
Two girls in t-shirts and shorts and a dachshund are running around the lawn.
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
After I graduated from high school, I was ready to start my journeys. Then I found out I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure what to do, but Peter and I decided we wanted the baby, so I deferred my traveling dreams. I had Ruthie whom now I wouldn’t trade for the world, literally. Or Janie who came two years later.
MOVE INTO MARY’S HOUSE THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR
Mary’s house is a beautifully remodeled old Victorian with all the details, but with a modern touch…think a Nancy Meyers film set.
INT-MARY’S KITCHEN-DAY
MARY (V.O. CONTINUES)
I still dream of far-off places. My daughters often ask where I go when I stare into space. I’m in New Zealand or in India or on safari in Africa. When I’m dreaming of the world, I often think of the quote from Helen Keller, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” Sometimes my life feels like nothing at all.
Mary speaks directly into the camera breaking the fourth wall again.
MARY
(Holding a pan of hot Christmas cookies)
But then I snap out of it and focus on Aristotle who said that “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” So, with my feet firmly planted here in Seneca Falls, I’m focusing on the light of Christmas.
Mary holds up the cookies to the camera. Then looks around where every surface in the kitchen is covered with Christmas treats: cookies, cakes, pies, candies.
MARY
And along with the other Christmas man Santa Claus, I try to see everyone and make miracles happen for them.
(THIRD PAGE TWIST – Mary is not going off to exotic locations but will stay in town and try to make it work for everyone else.)
Mary puts down the cookies and goes to the front screen door. She yells outside.
MARY
Girls, Uncle Billy! Breakfast!
Mary has just prepared breakfast and is clearing a spot on the table to put it for her daughters. Mary stops and looks at her mother’s photo on the wall over the table. Mary’s mother died early in the year. RUTHIE, a smart and wise 9-year-old and JANIE, a sensitive and kind 7-year-old enter singing their version of “I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” which goes, “I want a pretty platypus for Christmas” at the top of their lungs. Uncle Billy, their dachshund barks at them as though he’s singing along. Ruthie has her laptop under her arm.
MARY
(smiling) That is not how the song goes.
RUTHIE
Yeah, but we like platypus’s better!
JANIE
Yeah!
Janie holds up her stuffed platypus.
MARY
Okay, if you day so.
The girls take their seats and Mary places their breakfasts of toast and eggs on the table. Uncle Billy goes over to his bowl in the corner and eats too.
MARY (CONTINUED)
No computers at the table, Ruthie.
RUTHIE
I know, but it’s not working right. I can’t find Santa on the site.
MARY
I’ll take a look at it. You eat.
Mary opens the laptop and sees Ruthie was on the NORAD site. Mary sees a message on the top of the site that states Santa may be delayed in departing the North Pole. This is very odd because the site always starts Santa’s voyage on the 23<sup>rd</sup> of December, today.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Hmm. This is strange. I don’t think it’s the computer.
Mary doesn’t want to worry the girls about it.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Let’s give it another day and we’ll see if Santa starts his journey tomorrow.
RUTHIE
Can daddy fix it?
MARY
Daddy doesn’t work there anymore. We’ll check again tomorrow.
RUTHIE
(disappointed)
Okay.
MARY
That reminds me. (looking at her phone) I need to call your father to see if he’s coming over for Christmas.
Mary puts her phone down and gets serious.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Look girls. I don’t think we can count on your dad for Christmas.
RUTHIE
What do you mean?
JANIE
(getting anxious) He’s coming, isn’t he?
MARY
Well, I want to be honest with you…I’m not sure. He’s been unpredictable lately. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.
Janie hangs her head and Ruthie has a mad look come over her face.
MARY (CONTINUED)
BUT! We are going to have the best Christmas ever with Joseph!
RUTHIE
(half-heartedly) Sure.
JANIE
It’s not the same without daddy.
They sit in silence. Mary’s not sure what to say next.
MARY
You like Joe, don’t you?
RUTHIE
He’s nice.
Janie shakes her head yes.
MARY (CONTINUED)
Then we are going to make the best of whatever situation we have this Christmas. Don’t you think your grandmother would agree with that?
Mary looks at the photo of her mother on the wall. The girls look at it too.
MARY (CONTINUED)
She always said, “Christmas comes but once a year, so make it a wonderful one!”
Mary clears some dishes. Janie goes over to Ruthie and sits in her seat with her. Mary looks at their sad faces and has to turn those frowns upside down.
MARY
So! I think I have two hours to spare today when I don’t have to work on the festival. What would you like to do?
JANIE AND RUTHIE
Ice skating!!
MARY
Well, I don’t know if you want to go with me. You know I was pretty good when I was your ages, young ladies.
JANIE
Please!!
RUTHIE
Come on, mom!
MARY
I did promise Annie I’d meet up with her. I guess we’ll have to go to the rink since it’s so hot.
Janie and Ruthie stare with anticipation. Mary takes an extra beat to make them wait. She likes the attention from them!
MARY (CONTINUED)
Okay! But I think we must have a race across the rink to see who is the fastest. Are you interested?
JANIE
Sure am!
RUTHIE
I’m going to beat you both! HA! HA!
They race around the table while Uncle Billy jumps up and barks at them.
MARY
Alright! Go upstairs and get ready for school. We’ll go to the rink afterwards.
Ruthie and Janie run out of the room and up the staircase. Uncle Billy stares at Mary.
MARY
You too, Uncle Billy!
Uncle Billy runs up the stairs too.
FADE OUT
CUT TO
INT-JENKINS BOARDING HOUSE KITCHEN-MORNING
MA JENKINS is an 81-year-old Black woman whose roadmap of a face shows her years of hardship. She’s at the 1960’s gold stove whipping up a hearty breakfast for her main guest. Enter PETER WINTERS, a tall 40-year-old, the man Mary saved from drowning years prior, and Mary’s brooding ex-husband who is also a war veteran. He wears a t-shirt and long khakis. SKIPPER ABLE is Ma’s curious 5-year-old grandson whom Ma is watching for the day. As Peter enters the kitchen…
MA
Skip! Stand up.
SKIPPER
Why?
MA
(hitting Skipper’s arm) Stand up, a war hero is entering the room.
PETER
Good morning.
MA
Skip.
SKIPPER
Good morning.
MA
(scoldingly) Good morning, what?
SKIPPER
(exaggerating) Good morning, SIR.
PETER
Please sit down.
Ma glares at Skipper as if to say, “don’t you dare!”
Peter sits at the old wooden wobbly table on the bench side against the cloudy window of the tiny kitchen. The old Victorian needs loads of remodeling, starting with the kitchen.
MA
(to Skipper) You may sit now.
Skipper sits in the chair at the end of the table. Skipper stares at Peter. Ma places Peter’s breakfast of eggs, bacon, and toast in front of him. Then serves Skipper. Peter pushes the eggs around…he really doesn’t like to eat breakfast, but he does it to show respect for Ma.
PETER
Good as always, Ma
MA
Glad you like it. You have work today?
PETER
I’m heading over to Mr. Reed to work on his porch and Mrs. Thomas asked me to stop by to look at her lawn. I’ll probably stop at the rectory to see if pastor Frank needs anything too.
MA
Sounds like a busy day. I’ll fill a thermos with cold water for ya. I don’t remember a December so hot in all my life!
There is a knock on the back door screen of the kitchen. Ma opens the screen door. A disheveled and dirty hobo is standing there in a torn coat with a plastic trash bag in his hands. He appears to be of some ethnicity, but it’s hard to tell below the dirtiness. It is common for those jumping the rails to stop by because of Ma’s famous hospitality.
MAN
Ma’am. I heard you could give a man something to eat if I knocked on your door.
MA
No one is turned away here. (hands the man a hand towel) Wash up out there and leave your bag.
The man goes to a garden hose and washes up. He stands at the back door waiting for permission to enter.
MA
Come on in and sit down now.
MAN
Ma’am, I can’t pay.
MA
No matter. Come on in.
The man enters the kitchen and sits in one of the peeling mixed matched chairs across from Peter. Ma’s fixing the man a plate. Skipper makes a face at the man.
SKIPPER
What is your name, SIR? (emphasizing the sir for Ma)
MAN
Akio McGee. What’s yours?
SKIPPER
Skipper Able.
AKIO
Strong name, Skipper Able.
Akio raises and shakes hands with Peter. Peter doesn’t flinch because he is used to meeting strange men in Ma’s kitchen…happens almost every day.
PETER
Peter. (shaking hands) Akio. That’s an unusual name.
AKIO
It’s Japanese. My mother was Japanese, my father black.
PETER
(without looking up from his plate) We’re all something. I’m always saying I’m going to do one of those ancestry things, but I’ve never gotten around to it. Ma, what are you?
MA
Don’t you know you’re not supposed to ask a lady that?
PETER
(to Akio) That means she doesn’t know either.
MA
I know I’m Black and that’s all I need to know in this world.
PETER
(embarrassed) I shouldn’t have asked.
Ma has given Akio his breakfast and he is shoveling it in…probably hasn’t eaten for days. Ma puts more eggs on his plate.
AKIO
Thank you, ma’am.
MA
(to Peter) Oh, I almost forgot to give you your mail.
Ma takes the pink envelope out of her apron pocket and hands it to Peter. Peter stares at it frozen, petrified. Skipper leans up on the table.
(INCITING INCIDENT– Peter receives a letter that will change his life. In the next scene we see that it is a letter from the bank and he has until December 25<sup>th</sup> to pay or lose his business.)
SKIPPER
Well, aren’t ya going to open it?
PETER
I’ve got to head over to Mr. Reed’s. Thanks for the breakfast, Ma.
MA
You’re welcome. If you get hungry later, I’m making chili in case we get more company.
Ma motions to Skipper to stand up. Skipper slowly, loudly pushes his chair away from the table and stands. Peter stuffs the envelope in his pants pocket. Ma hands him a thermos with a long strap and he throws it over his arm. Peter busses his place taking his dishes to the sink. Then hurries out the back door.
SKIPPER
(Looking out the back door) Why’s he always in such a hurry?
MA
He’s a busy man, helping out people every day in this town.
Ma comes to the back door and looks out too. The old Victorian house is set way back from the street with a long walk. They watch Peter slowly going down the walk reading his letter.
MA (CONTINUED)
I sure hope he can get his shop working again and meet a nice lady friend. (turning to Skipper) You take note Skip, there goes a great man who has sacrificed a lot for many, a war hero, a conscientious father, a friend to all. Don’t matter that he has fallen on hard times. Happens to the best of us.
Ma leans down to Skipper’s face and pauses to take in his youthful face…and smiles.
MA (CONTINUED)
He is loved.
Ma kisses Skipper’s nose.
MA (CONTINUED)
Now get upstairs and get ready for school.
Skipper starts off down the hallway toward the front foyer and the staircase, then turns around and walks back to the kitchen.
SKIPPER
Goodbye, Mr. McGee, SIR.
AKIO
Mind your teachers, Skipper.
Skipper runs full steam to the foyer again and up the stairs.
MA (CONTINUED)
(yelling after Skipper) And don’t forget to brush your teeth! (turning to Akio) Can I get you some more eggs and bacon, Mr. McGee?
AKIO
Ma, you are a fine cook. I wouldn’t mind just a little more if you can spare it.
MA
(with a hearty laugh) No one goes hungry at Ma Jenkin’s!
END SCENE
-
Anna Harper First Great Page
What I learned from this assignment. I did some wordsmithing. I was happy with the intensity of the page. Always room to tweak and improve, one word can make a difference.
SITUATION
SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, Her last role was in a local theatre 5 years ago. She is depressed. Sophie is 60 ish. She dresses like an old hippy with money, BOHO, flamboyant frilly sleeves (like something out of ABBA) She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.
ESTABLISHING/SHOPPING AREA/YARMOUTH U.K./DAY
SOPHIE
It’s a hot spring day Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something MYSTERIOUS There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.
SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY
Lifts head barely
Bill,
Grunts coughs
Bill.
SOPHIE
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his skinny arms.
FRANTICALLY Do you want water, I have some here?
BILL
Bill slumps back over.
SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?
MAN
Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.
SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.
SOPHIE
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back!
She starts VIGOROUS CPR. SOPHIE SINGS The BeeGees ‘Staying Alive’ to keep pace with FRANTIC compressions, muttering intermittently. Come on Bill, don’t die on me!
A crowd is forming. Nosy Lookey Loos, no one offers help.
WELL DRESSED WOMAN
SHOUTS
FILTHY drug addicts put them in prison.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.
MEDIC 1
STAND BACK, HANDS-OFF!
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED. Nothing
MEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.
MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet. Slam the ambulance doors.
SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in SHOCK AND DISBELIEF She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE
Struggling to talk. Choking on her tears.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.
SANDY
IRRITABLE
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
-
Anna Harper’s First Five Pages.
What I learned from this experience; This was really tough. I struggled with which opening to use. I was concerned about the rating of the movie and also would the opening be off-putting for parents?
I think the opening which initially I absolutely did not want to use, works well and glues the story web together better than before. This is a hard-edged opening and I am guessing that it would be PG while my last one would be FAMILY rated. I hope this will not mess up marketability.
EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY
SOPHIE is an out-of-work actress, 60 ish. She makes some money baking cakes and selling herbs. She lives with Sandy her live-in lover of 10 years.
Sophie is bored to tears with Sandy and her aimless life.
On her walk into town, she sees what looks like a pile of garbage bags moving. It’s A teen aged boy, with a garbage bag of his clothes (dressed from head to foot in hot weather in black) collapsed in a heap.
He is covered in bites from bed bugs at the shelter, half-starved, and delirious from dehydration.
EXT.YARMOUTH TOWN, UK/DAY
SOPHIE
Sophie is walking into town. She is carrying shopping baskets full of baking and herbs for delivery. Sophie walks past the most upscale coffee shop in town (WELL DRESSED PATRONS CAN be SEEN IN THE WINDOW) She turns down a cobbled side street. Her attention is drawn to look at something mysterious. There is a pile of what looks like moving garbage bags. She stops and looks closer. TO HER HORROR, it’s an almost unconscious boy. lying on a couple of garbage bags fluttering in the breeze.
SOPHIE
Hey my friend, are you alright? I’m Sophie. What’s your name?
BOY
Lifts head barely
Bill, Bill.
Grunts coughs
SOPHIE
Sophie’s eyes widen as she sees the red welt of flea bites covering his arms.
Do you want water, I have some here?
BILL
Bill slumps back over.
SOPHIE
Are you alright, Bill, Bill, Oh my God! SCREAMS Help, help, anybody help?
MAN
Stops walking, looks at Bill and takes his cell phone out, and calls an ambulance.
SOPHIE
Throws down her bags and rolls Bill onto his back. She FRANTICALLY checks his pulse and his breathing, he is not breathing.
SOPHIE
Shit, he’s not breathing! Bill, Bill for God’s sake, Bill! Come on!
Come back!
She starts vigourous CPR..
A crowd is forming.
Sophie SHOUTS at the man who called the ambulance.
Where the hell is the ambulance, how fucking long does it take?
Sophie continues CPR, working up a sweat.
SIRENS BLARING in the background after what seems an age. The MEDICS jump out and start to work on Bill, taking over the CPR.
One of the medics starts filling a syringe with Naxolene. The other medic is hooking up the AED.
MEDIC 1
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>STAND BACK, HANDS OFF!
TWO JUMPS of the AED NOTHING The Noxelene is injected. The medics try again, more CPR, and then one more jump start with the AED.
MEDIC 1
I am sorry, he’s gone. From the stuff in his bag, looks like a Fentanyl O.D.
That’s the third one this week.
MEDIC 2
From his wallet, looks like Bill was 17.
Gets the gurney, and the medics load him on and cover the body with a sheet.
SOPHIE
Sophie is standing there in shock and disbelief. She watches the ambulance leave. She walks over to the church wall, sits down, weeps, pulls out her cell phone, and calls SANDY.
SOPHIE
Struggling to talk.
Sandy, come and get me please, I am St.Agness outside on the wall.
SANDY
Can’t it wait? I’ve still got another 20 minutes of Coronation Street!
SANDY Is a retired teacher, in his late 60’s He paints dreary landscapes, no sales. Likes boring card games, meat and potatoes food, and watching Coronation Street.
SITUATION
A friend (JAMES) died and left the care of PIRATE, and a financial legacy with strings attached to his friends Sophie and Sandy
PIRATE Is a black and white Newfoundland dog. He has superpowers that Sandy and Sophie do not know about.
PIRATE is the littermate of ALFIE a dog with superpowers from the pilot SILENT NIGHT.
Alfie and Dylan (boy from Silent Night EPISODE 1) are trying to locate Alfie’s littermates. Alfie is sad and wants a reunion with Cocoa and Pirate.
SCENE
MUSIC UP
ACKER BILK STRANGER ON THE SHORE
ESTABLISHING/ARIAL/ FRESHWATER BAY CLIFFS/ THE NEEDLES /SUNNY DAY
EXT.FRESHWATER BAY BEACH, ISLE OF WIGHT UK/DAY
Sophie and Sandy are sitting in deck chairs in front of the Fresh From the Sea Fish and Chips van. Sophie has tied a red balloon to her chair.
SOPHIE
We need to have a chat Sandy.
SANDY
IRRITABLE TONE OF VOICE
There’s sand in my fish and chip dinner. Why did we have to come to the beach?
SOPHIE
It’s a lovely day, the fish and chips taste better at the beach and PIRATE needs his daily swim.
SANDY
It’s January for God’s sake! I would rather have had dinner at home! All this mucking about because of the bloody dog.
PIRATE
Pirate is busy swimming around in the water.
SOPHIE is eating her fish and chips ravenously, with gusto.
SOPHIE
It’s a balmy 10 degrees, I am going in for a splash about with Pirate, soon as I have finished my delish fish and chips just look at him, he’s having a lovely time. Pirate is magnificent, strong, and powerful I love watching him enjoy himself. He makes me happy, happier than I have been in ages.
SANDY wraps up his fish and chips, not eating, and places them on the beach blanket. Sulking.
SANDY
Turns to Sophie, and uses an AUTHORARATATIVE tone of voice.
You know Sophie, I am not at all keen on having this arrangement JAMES has left us in a sticky spot. I mean really Pirate is too much responsibility at our age. And let’s not forget some of the strings James attached.
SOPHIE
I am going in the water with him as soon as I have finished my yummy fish and chips. And I don’t think you are listening, again!
SANDY
WHINING
I’ve lost my appetite. I’m tired. I could hardly sleep a wink. Pirate snores. When he jumped on the bed this morning, I just about had a heart attack, a giant dog face in my face first thing in the morning. Ughh. Dog breath!
SOPHIE
Practically all the people on the island know him and love him. What’s wrong with taking care of Pirate? I going to keep him no matter what you say. I’ll get a California King size bed, no problemo.
SANDY
Did you see all the drool he shakes off, it’s disgusting. He needs to wear a bib. It will be all over the walls of our little house, my little house. He practically fills the hallway, and the living room carpet, there’s nowhere to move!
SOPHIE
ANGRY FED UP
That’s why James left us his farm. It’s much bigger. Pirate will enjoy being in his old haunt. I can’t wait, the farm is an exciting move. I already started clearing out the cupboards and I forgot to mention that I have a moving van ordered. I am going to the farm, without you. You can stick your little house (and not even our house after ten years with you) and your mean attitude where the sun doesn’t shine. I prefer the dog’s company anyway!
SANDY
Gets up and starts to fold the chairs. .
SOPHIE
Sophie unties the red balloon.
SANDY
WHINY TONE
Sophie, you know I’m no good with big changes. I like our life the way it is. We are a pair of old crocks, how much time and energy do we have to take on Pirate and do all the other things James asked us t do in his will.
SOPHIE
Stands, HANDS-ON -HIPS using a CONFRONTATIONAL tone
You like our life the way it is, do you? Meaning playing cards on Wednesday, watching Coronation Street, and sticking to your rules about not having anyone over for dinner? No foreign food, and what about sex? I don’t know what you are really afraid of Sandy, do you?
SANDY
Sandy picks up the package of fish and chips.
SOPHIE
Sophie GRABS them away from him.
SANDY
PISSED OFF-TONE
This conversation is impossible. I can’t eat these blasted fish and chips with sand all over, gross, and getting into my dentures! This bloody dog nonsense has got me all wound up!
SOPHIE
VERY ANGRY TONE
<b style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>SOD YOU AND YOUR BLOODY DENTURES! It’s you who is impossible! We have been live-in lovers for what 10 years now. Time to shake things up before I go senile from boredom I am moving to the farm with Pirate.
SANDY
CONDESCENDINGLY
My dear you are 65 next month, be realistic. You aren’t going to find another man, especially not with that mutt hanging around.
SOPHIE
I’ll look for a new lover online, why not? And I am bored to death of with life the way it is, what a dreary prospect.
SANDY
LOSES IT, ANGRY
Sophie, are you leaving me for a dog? A drooling, farting fur on everything dog. You have really lost it this time.
SOPHIE
Yes, I’m leaving you for a life with Pirate, moving to the farm, and continuing James’ work with homeless youth. I know nothing about farming or homeless youth. I’ll learn as I go. It’ll be a grand adventure!
Stay comfortable Sandy We have had a good 10 years but the zip has zapped, the fire has fizzled. If I am afraid of anything, it’s dying of boredom. Sorry, it’s really me, not you. Pirate, would like Sandy’s fish and chips?
SANDY
INCREDULOUS
Does this mean I don’t get any of the money?
EXT. BEACH/SUNSET
SOPHIE
Ignores Sandy, throws off her beach dress and runs into the shallows with her red balloon, and plays with Pirate.
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KATE’S ROUGH DRAFT
What I learned doing this assignment is when you have chosen contrasting scenes to open it adds pages and when you have a revelation that you want the audience to get at the same time the Protagonist does that can also take time. That, and creating a world of tension and conflict into which the Protagonist has unsuspectingly landed – well, getting all that into 10 ages proved (thus far) impossible to me. But Ioved the exercise – it got me to move scenes about, cut things even as I also realized what couldn’t go. I hope it is interesting enough to get the audience to that inciting incident.
• 3rd page twist
Introducing Luciana on the phone cursing Darrogh. (The Antagonist)
• Inciting incident.
Darrogh recognizes Nia (p.16) tells Nia he is her father (p.22)
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – THAT SAME EVENING
A brightly painted red, white and blue old school bus, with a load on the roof and small trailer also packed high, drives up the dirt track and parks near a stand of oak-trees.
Eight young people (20s)emerge in various states of disarray, carrying bags and backpacks, stretching and yawning. It has been a long drive.
Two begin to unpack the trailer, the rest are wandering toward the trees. One is sprinting ahead as the others laugh.
Out of the bus comes a young Asian-American man (SHAUNN) with a backpack, stepping backwards and calling into the bus.
SHAUNN
Come on Nia. You’ll feel better if you just get up and come out here.
He stops and leans in.
SHAUNN
Good girl! See? Better, right?
He steps back off the steps holding out his hand. A many be-ringed hand clutching a blue towel, attached to a long, slender, purple-sleeved arm, reaches for his outstretched hand and a young elf of a woman, (half black/half white), steps onto the bottom step.
Draped in an over-sized purple cardigan, hanging half-off a faded red T with the words ‘Mother-f–’ on it, over pink flannel PJs decorated with black puppies barely holding on to her tiny hips, NIA is not feeling well.
A weave of wild, dreadlocked, reddish hair is loosely tied up into a dangerously unstable knot on her head, mirroring the large red clogs on her feet.
She misses Shaunn’s hand and topples off the step onto the grass.
Nia lies on her back, eyes closed, the blue towel to her mouth.
SHAUNN
Shit, Nia. Are you alright?
NIA
Do I look alright?
SHAUNN
You look like crap, cute crap but crap.
Nia opens her eyes as he looks down at her.
NIA
Thank you. I think I’m going to throw up.
She rolls over quickly and barfs (a little, quietly) into the towel. Shaunn sighs and holds back the teetering dreads.
SHAUNN
Now do you feel better?
NIA
Um, not sure yet.
Starts to sit up.
NIA
Oops!
More quiet barfing.
SHAUNN
I’m impressed. You do that very quietly.
Nia nods, her head still over the towel.
SHAUNN
Practice I guess. How many times this tour?
Nia holds up 4 fingers still not looking at him.
SHAUNN
That all? Seems like many more.
Nia closes her fist and holds up 4 more.
SHAUNN
That’s what I thought. It’s been one of the joys of traveling with you, Nia.
Nia finally sits up and looks at him, through makeup-smudged eyes.
NIA
That and I’m really good on stage.
SHAUNN
Especially as a raccoon.
Nia gives him the finger.
SHAUNN
How are you doing?
Nia sighs. This is a regular thing with her. She is used to it and recovers fast.
NIA
Oh, you know. Give me a minute. Sorry. I’ve been wanting to do that for the last hour. You got any water?
Shaunn helps her sit up, carefully avoiding the towel.
SHAUNN
In my backpack.
As he searches for the water bottle, Nia from her seated position propped up against the wheel of the bus, stows the towel under the step and looks around.
NIA
This is sweet! Worth those terrible curves. Why does Susan drive so damned fast?
EXT. A MEXICAN-STYLE HACIENDA PATIO – EARLY EVENING
In Southern CA, with an outdoor cooking area in full use.
LUCIANA SANCHEZ, a 5’3 s-curve of a woman, with 50 years of hard-scrabble life worn like a banner, wielding a flamenco-inflected voice and topped by an untamed black mane of hair, is both on her cellphone and making tortillas.
LUCIANA
Si! Si! El es imposible! Un completo bastardo!
She swiftly turns some tortillas as she listens intently.
LUCIANA
Lo sé, es malvado. Y si, estoy haciendo tortillas.
She laughs.
LUCIANA
Por supuesto que sí. Come eat, manana. Nosotras podemos tramar un plan.
She is scooping the fresh tortillas out into a wicker basket. HADES her black Mexican Hairless dog strolls over to investigate. She energetically shoos him away.
LUCIANA
No para ti – vete!
The dog barely moves away as Luciana picks up the basket of tortillas.
LUCIANA
No, estaba hablando con Hades. Oh, your Spanish is much better! You managed that entire conversation.
As she bangs through the screen door, she laughs again.
LUCIANA
Si. In English, I promise. Manana – we make the plan. Darrogh will not destroy us. On the grave de mi abuelo. Adiós por ahora.
She puts the phone down. Hades has slipped in after her and she absently gives him a piece of the tortilla she is nibbling and rubs his ears. Her face hardens in determination, even as her eyes are soft with tears.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – CONTINUED
Nia is feeling better She takes in the view. A bucolic field, still with a greenish tinge due to the stands of huge spreading oak-trees.
NIA
Oh! This is… like nothing I’ve seen before.
She is inspired to stand.
SHAUNN
Yep! In 3 months on the road bringing live theatre to rural communities-
Nia digs him in the ribs.
NIA
Shaunn! You sound like a commercial.
SHAUNN
I wrote it, remember? And I still can’t believe it! Making a living doing something I love, seeing places I didn’t know existed.
Amazing summer.
NIA
(wistfully)
And it’s not over – yet. There’s still time…
Shaunn looks at her. He knows what she’s thinking.(She has been half-hoping maybe one of these places will be where her long absent father is.)
SHAUNN
(gently)
Yes. You never know who’ll come around the corner.
Nia shakes off the mood and smiles brightly.
NIA
Can’t wait to meet the locals! Got a feeling about this place!
Nia slurps, swooshes and spits, rinsing her mouth energetically. Shaunn watches in amusement.
SHAUNN
You and those feelings!
NIA
(spitting)
Seriously – this last town? Gonna
be spectacular!
She grins and hands back the water bottle. There are shouts from the rest of the troupe who are setting up camp.
NIA
Come on – set up camp time.
INT. LOCAL BAR – LATER THAT EVENING
Under a dark, low ceiling, with slowly moving fans, Nia, Sarah and Mercedes are seated at a formica topped table with Michael, Tim and Shaunn. (The core members of the Theatre troupe who just arrived in town.)
Seated at the bar are the locals Ian and Dave (40s) with Susan and Luis (a couple in their 30s). At another table are Sylvie and Harold (a couple in their 70s) with Francis (40s)
A juke box plays the old Eagles song ‘Hotel California’, a barman chats with customers at one end, as a thin, wiry barmaid takes a food order at the other. It is busy in a low-key, familiar kind of way.
NIA
It’s like a setting for social drama. You got the young locals at the bar.
SARAH
And the old couple over there.
MICHAEL
And we’re the out-of-towners come to cause trouble!
SHAUNN
And we’ll never ever leave!
AT THE BAR
IAN
Where are they staying?
DAVE
Camped up in the Green Field. Luciana’s old place.
IAN
Sure was a shame her Grandpa lost that.
DAVE
He was cheated out of it.
IAN
Hard to prove with that slime-y piece of work.
LUIS
I’d love to get it back.
IAN
Who wouldn’t?
LUIS
Take a miracle.
SUSAN
Here’s to Miracles. They come in mysterious ways!
AT THE OTHER TABLE
SYLVIE
I’m looking forward to that play this weekend.
HAROLD
Is it one of those Shakespeare things?
SYLVIE
Yes, and you‘ll like it.
HAROLD
I never understand them.
FRANCIS
What one are they doing?
HAROLD
Doesn’t matter what it’s called, it’ll still be hard to follow.
FRANCIS
That’s them over there. We can go ask.
SYLVIE
Oh yes. Come on.
She stands with her drink (a rum and coke) and sails over.
Francis right beside her. Harold, resigned to the inevitable, sighs and follows.
AT THE OTHER TABLE
MERCEDES
Here they come!
As Sylvie, Francis and Harold arrive Michael, Shaunn and Tim stand to greet them.
SYLVIE
Welcome! I’m Sylvie. Harold my husband, and Francis.
The ‘standers’ all shake hands.
Mercedes leans forward and waves, exuding good will and generosity in her revealing dress.
MERCEDES
I’m Mercedes.
Sarah more circumspect and happily tipsey, blows a kiss.
SARAH
Sarah!
Nia, elegant and enjoying the energy, stands and reaches across the table to shake with whomever will take her hand.
NIA
Nia! We’re so happy to be here. It’s peaceful and timeless.
SYLVIE
Sorta. But time catches up with all of us.
TIM
Please, take a seat.
Sylvie sits and the guys pull up more chairs.
Soon all are seated, curiosity and expectancy envelops them.
FRANCIS
Ready for the play?
SHAUNN
Absolutely! Setting up the stage right there where we’re camped.
HAROLD
Shakespeare right? What play is it?
SARAH
Much Ado – About nothing.
HAROLD
Like our town. That’ll work here. For sure. Always a to-do about something and it’s usually nothing.
Dave, Ian Susan and Luis arrive.
SUSAN
Hi! I’m Susan. My husband Luis, and Ian and Dave.
Nods and hand-shakes all round as people introduce themselves. And more chairs are pulled up.
DAVE
Are you doing the play up in that field where you’re camped?
Michael nods. The locals exchange glances.
DAVE
Do you have a permit?
SARAH
We got a letter with directions saying we could stay there and do the show there.
The bar door flies open and Luciana blows in closely followed by Hades. She looks around, spots the crowd and head right for them.
FRANCIS
Luciana!!
He leaps up from his chair and offers it to her.
Hades sits on it.
Luciana laughs and stands by the chair, Francis at her elbow.
LUCIANA
Buenas noches! What a gathering! Welcome to our actores!
I hope you are settled and comfortable?
NIA
Yes, thank you. It is a perfect place. Gracias.
LUCIANA
Tu hablas español?
NIA
Oh no pequeno! Muy poca.
Luciana is looking at her, puzzled, searching.
LUCIANA
That is ok. I speak good English except when I am excited.
FRANCIS
Then look out!
DAVE
Luciana, you know they’re camped in the Green Field?
There is a slight tension over the room.
LUCIANA
Green field?
MERCEDES
The top of the hill. We were told we could camp there.
NIA
And do the show.
Luciana looks around. People are variously puzzled, anxious, or just waiting.
LUCIANA
Yes. I know the one and yes, I gave permission. Of course – camp and do your play there. We will all love to come to it.
SYLVIE
All?
LUCIANA
The ones who matter. Now – a round on the town to welcome our guests.
Orders are given. People are chatting in smaller groups.
Francis pulls Luciana aside.
FRANCIS
You gave permission? It’s not yours to give! It’s Darrogh’s field now.
LUCIANA
I know and that’s why I said yes.
FRANCIS
Why did they ask you?
Luciana gives sideways smile. Francis gasps. He can’t believe it.
FRANCIS
That fake website?
LUCIANA
No, just some small print que los idiotas no ven.
Luciana shrugs and joins the crowd. She makes a beeline for Nia.
Sylvie has been watching and comes over to Francis
SYLVIE
What’s she done now?
FRANCIS
A small win in her endless battle for the farm.
SYLVIE
And betting that not even Darrogh will kick them out.
HAROLD
Not yet anyway.
A burst of laughter, like birds taking flight, from the now fully co-mingled crowd.
CONTINUOUS – BILL SITTING AT THE FAR END THE BAR, APART FROM THE CROWD
He takes out his phone and snaps a picture of the group before slipping out the back door.
CONTINUOUS –
Luciana has pushed her way to a far corner table, Hades at her heels, and is pulling Nia to sit with her at one of the two chairs, successfully blocking anyone else from joining them.
Nia is excited and happily accepts the Tecate beer Luciana offers her.
LUCIANA
Not the best but not bad either.
NIA
As long as it’s cold, I’m happy.
LUCIANA
Salud!
NIA
Salud!
Luciana is looking at Nia, but carefully.
LUCIANA
Is this your first time here, Nia?
NIA
Oh yes. It’s beautiful. Have you always lived here?
LUCIANA
Most of my life, si. Where are you from?
NIA
East coast.
LUCIANA
You are very beautiful.
NIA
Oh, um. Thank you. You too.
LUCIANA
It is not always a good thing, is it?
NIA
It can be – challenging.
Luciana tosses her had back and laughs.
LUCIANA
I hate it!
Nia looks at her sharply. Then laughs too.
NIA
Me too!
Hades moves between them and stands looking at each.
LUCIANA
He likes you. Do you have a dog at home?
NIA
No, we didn’t have dogs when I grew up. Well, not later.. I do remember a dog. A long time ago.
LUCIANA
Cuando eras una niña?
NIA
My Spanish..
LUCIANA
When you were little. A child.
Nia is puzzled. There is a memory somewhere.
Hades nuzzles Nia’s lap asking her to rub his head.
NIA
May I?
LUCIANA
(nods)
I think you are stealing my dog.
Nia smiles. This dog makes her feel good.
LUCIANA
Perhaps he is like the dog you had when you were little?
NIA
I’m sure I’d remember. He is so unusual.
LUCIANA
Xoloitzcuintli – these dogs were considered sacred by the Aztecs and the Mayans. They have mystical powers to ward off evil spirits.
Nia is jolted.
NIA
They sometimes have hair…
LUCIANA
Yes.
Nia suddenly remembers that her mother had such a dog.
NIA
There was a dog… My mother.
LUCIANA
He was a gift to her?
Nia is a surprised and a bit uncomfortable.
NIA
Tell me about this town.
Luciana takes the hint.
LUCIANA
It is not what it was. There is a man who wants to destroy – us.
NIA
Who?
LUCIANA
A – developer. He cares only for what he owns. If he can’t own it then no-one can.
Hades licks Luciana’s hand.
NIA
He knows what you said. Like he wants to keep you safe.
LUCIANA
He is my guide to the underworld. I can go into the darkness and come out safely. You too.
Nia smiles.
NIA
Maybe I will need to borrow him one day.
LUCIANA
Or I can give you one of your own.
Nia looks at her sharply.
LUCIANA
I breed them.
Nia is looking pensive.
LUCIANA
Come, we need a margarita.
NIA
I love them but they make my eyes water! Odd isn’t it?
Luciana now knows for sure who she is – her friend’s daughter.
LUCIANA
It is. I only knew one other person who had that happen to her. She drank them anyway.
Nia laughs and relaxes.
NIA
I want to meet her! Come on! Let’s make my eyes water.
Nia stands shaking off the weird feelings she has.
LUCIANA
Si, mi dulce chica. I know – no Spanish. One day I will tell you. For now – let’s find that margarita.
Nia suddenly hugs her.
NIA
I like you! I think we’ll be friends. I’ll go push my way to the bar. See you there.
She bounds off. Luciana watches her go, then turns to Hades now standing on the chair Nia just left.
LUCIANA
La he encontrado. But not to tell her yet. Not yet.
EXT.DARROGH’S HOUSE,OUTDOOR FLIGHT OF STEPS – SAME EVENING
A man (DARROGH) is standing alone in darkness, looking out over the landscape, down to where the town lights shine below him.
EXT. THE FIELD, THE STAGE – NEXT (SATURDAY) EVENING.
The play ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is under way, a rapt audience. On stage the scene is playing.
DON JON
Come, Home, let us thither. This may prove food to my displeasure. That young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow. If I can cross him any will assist me?
BORACHIO
To the death, my lord.
Darrogh’s car drives up and parks to the rear of the audience. He gets out and walks silently toward back of the audience as the play continues.
DON JOHN
Let us to the great supper. Their cheer is the greater that I am subdued. Would the cook were o’ my mind! Shall we go prove what’s to be done?
BORACHIO
I’ll wait upon your Lordship.
They exit.
Enter Leonato, his brother, Hero his daughter (played by Nia), and Beatrice his niece, and Margaret.
LEONATO
Was not Count John here at supper?
BEATRICE
I saw him not. I never can see him but I am heartburned an hour after.
HERO
He is of a very melancholy disposition.
At her words, Darrogh is startled into attention and stares at her transfixed.
BEATRICE
He were an excellent man that were made just in the midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s eldest son, evermore tattling.
Nia (as Hero), moves across the stage to ‘Beatrice’ and they laugh together. Darrogh cannot take his eyes off her and through the following he is transported back .
LEONATO
Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signior Benedick’s face—
As the actors and voices fade, Darrogh is now fully out of this reality
FADE IN:
A MEMORY IMAGE.
Darrogh only sees his beautiful young wife Amahla from 25 years ago, laughing and coming toward him.
FADE OUT:
EXT. THE FIELD, THE STAGE – CONTINUOUS
Darrogh watches as the play continues.
LEONATO
(to Hero)
Well, I trust you will be ruled by your father.
Darrogh smiles, a sort of wonder and hope on his face.
BEATRICE
Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say “Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and say “Father, as it please me.”
Darrogh shakes his head and smiles more broadly.
FADE TO:
The play is over and the cast stand on the stage taking their bows. As they step off the stage Bill comes to Nia with a note.
BILL
Miss? I was asked to give you this.
He hands her the note.
NIA
Oh! From -?
BILL
My boss. He wants to – show you his house. And offer some, support for the company. In gratitude for you being here. The directions are written there.
Bill slithers off and Nia unfolds the note.
(READING no V.O.)
“Do me the honor of coming to lunch the day after tomorrow. The big house on the hill on your way out of town – you can’t miss it. We will see you at noon.”
Shaun comes over.
SHAUNN
GREAT show! What’s that?
NIA
I just got an invitation! Lunch at that huge bloody great house on the hill.
SHAUNN
Are you going?
NIA
Of course! Told you I had a feeling.
She grins at him mischievously.
NIA
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’ll have my phone and it’s probably a couple of old people who want to support the arts. And I bet I can run faster than they can. Come on, let’s go celebrate and hey? Secret right? I don’t want to listen to Sarah go on about why wasn’t she asked!
They run off to join the crowd.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER,12.30
Nia is in awe of this beautiful place and Darrogh is proud to show her around. They are finishing the ‘tour’ and have arrived in the living room.
DARROGH
So, you can see I’ve put a lot of effort into this place. Not just the money, but every detail thought through and meticulously executed.
NIA
It is perfect! It’s like, like the best set I’ve ever been on.
DARROGH
Set?
NIA
Yes! For plays! The set designer and director and then the set dresser work with the script – the story – and they choose what to put where. It’s all very carefully laid out, the entrances and exits. The details of furniture, props, what colors.
DARROGH
And all that because?
NIA
So the audience knows just where they are, who the characters are by their surroundings, by their place, and what it means.
DARROGH
Interesting. What do you see when you see my ‘set’?
NIA
I see a man with eclectic taste, who likes to have things… He can afford them so he has them.
DARROGH
They’re beautiful things, right? And very valuable, no rubbish here. Nothing that isn’t rare and unique.
NIA
Oh yes, of course. You have a good eye I can see that.
DARGOGH
I’m forgetting my manners. Would you like a drink?
NIA
Oh no. I should be getting back to Camp. But thank you. This was a lovely tour. I really appreciate it.
DARROGH
I wanted you to see it, particularly. I, um. Please just a glass of wine.
He is oddly vulnerable and Nia responds to that.
NIA
Well, yes. That’d be lovely. I don’t think anyone will really miss me. Although Sarah was a bit jealous she didn’t get to come.
Darrogh takes a fine red out of the cabinet, two cut crystal wine glasses, expertly removes the cork and pours as he speaks.
DARROGH
Yes. I’m sure she was. Everyone wants to see this house. I don’t ask many people. This is one of my best reds. I’m sure you’ll appreciate it. Here.
He hands her one of the glasses.
Nia is a bit taken aback. She’s not a red drinker and wasn’t asked but she is a good guest.
NIA
NIA
Oh yes..Thank you.
DARROGH
To your visit here! May it be all that you hope it will be.
Darrogh takes a sip and regards her carefully as she takes one. Nia makes the appropriate ‘yummy’ face. She is after all an actress.
NIA
Oh very good. A nice – finish. Do you mean my visit to this community or to this house?
DARROGH
(dismissively of the town)
Oh, my house – of course.
NIA
Hmm. I didn’t really have any hopes coming here. Just curious… Why me? I don’t get that usual ‘older guy’ vibe from you.
DARROGH
(amused)
‘Older guy vibe’?
NIA
You know, coming on to younger – much younger – women. I could be your daughter!
Darrogh is a bit taken back. He’s not used to this age group’s directness. And it is right on the nose.
NIA
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. It’s just that, well I’ve had to learn to read that. Being in the ‘show biz’ world (a bit) and being, looking, how I do. There’s plenty of creeps out there.
Darrogh recovers.
DARROGH
I am sure there are and yes. Looking like you do. And that’s why I invited you.
Nia steps back. She is suddenly very uncomfortable. Has she misread this man after all?
DARROGH
I am sure you are looking for the exits on this set! But please don’t worry. Sit, please. And I’ll tell you why I invited you. You read the ‘vibe’ right.
Nia hesitates and then sits, pointedly, at the far end of the sofa near a door/exit.
NIA
By the exit.
DARROGH
Yes.
There is a pause. Darrogh takes another sip. Nia sits very still and watches him.
NIA
Are you going to sit?
DARROGH
No – I’ll stand over here – by my exit.
He is closer to the other doorway into the room.
Nia grins.
NIA
Sounds fair.
There is a pause.
NIA
Your cue.
DARROGH
Cue?
NIA
Yes. After my line then it’s your turn.
DARROGH
Ah, yes. I don’t know where to start.
NIA
‘Looking like I do’… Why you invited me?
Darrogh takes a breath and plunges in, with poise however.
DARROGH
I have a beautiful house with beautiful things in it. But it is empty. The most beautiful, precious thing I ever had isn’t here. You remind me.
NIA
I don’t know ….
She is staring at him now. Some memory stirring.
DARROGH
I’m Darrogh McGrath. You – are my daughter.
Nia gasps. Almost spills her wine. Catches it. Darrogh moves quickly to help her. Sits beside her.
DARROGH
It was such a shock to see you. You’re just like – her.
He touches her hair gently, paternally, longingly.
DARROGH
Your hair, the shape of your face, that tilt to the chin. I couldn’t believe it when you walked on stage last night.
NIA
You’re my father? My Dad? Oh my Dad.
She starts to cry. Darrogh holds her awkwardly for a long time until she gathers herself.
Nia sits back and looks at him with joyful wonder.
Then with a real laugh.
NIA
Where the fuck have you been?
DARROGH
Hiding I guess. But I missed you every day. I just couldn’t…
NIA
I know. After Mom died. Nanna told me. I want to know all about you – your life, what you’ve been doing. Nanna and Grandpa said you were doing wonderful things in the world, really hard work and lots of traveling.
DARROGH
It did. I was. But I sent money. I made sure you had everything you needed.
NIA
Yes. Yes, you did and now I have you!
She hugs him tightly. That’s what she really wanted always.
Darrogh hugs her back and then sets her away from him so he can see her.
DARROGH
This house needs you. You belong here. I could build the set but it was waiting for the actress.
NIA
You knew I was an actress?
DARROGH
I knew you went to drama school. I didn’t know where you were. I sure as hell didn’t expect you to appear on some tiny wooden stage in a field right where I live!
NIA
That must have been huge!!
DARROGH
Yes. I thought I’d seen a ghost.
NIA
Not a ghost. Me. Nia. Amahla’s daughter.
DARROGH
My daughter. And now, you can move into my home, with me.
Nia is delighted. This is a dream come true.
NIA
Can’t think of anything I want more! I’ll go back to the Camp, stay one more night, say goodbye and be back tomorrow.
DARROGH
Don’t let me down, Nia. Your Mother
-. I can’t go through that again.
NIA
Don’t worry, Dad! I’m as healthy as they come. I won’t get sick, I promise.
Darrogh grabs her hand.
DARROGH
Stay with me.
NIA
Of course. Of course. You’re my Dad. We have a lot to catch up on and stories to tell.
She hugs him again, her head buried in his chest. Darrogh looks over her head, something hard in his face, even as he holds her tenderly.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Kate Hawkes.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by
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Cameron Martin’s Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is…Honestly , this was tough. I didn’t like editing my opening down as much as I have, but in trying to meet the requirements as listed, I did learn to cut seven pages. It’s not the first time I’ve cut pages our, but this is the most extensive. I wanted to do a full rewrite, but with everything I had set up in the original it was faster to just cut everything *technically* unessential. I’ll try tinkering with the opening more for the next week, but where it is now allows me to move on.
OUTLINE:
Pages 1-3: Teaser (Middle of Third Act)
Pages 4-7: Getting Ready
Objectives – Wife/Mother is deceased
– Isaiah is socially awkward but exceptionally intelligent…
– and Isaiah is hiding something…
Pages 7-10: Medical Center
Objectives – Sully is a doctor
– Isaiah breaks a bronchoscope
– Alarm goes off
_______
INT. SPACE COLONY – ISAIAH’S ROOM – NIGHT
A young boy, ISAIAH, around the age of 12 and a high functioning Aspie, lays in bed, ALONE, holding his ears closed and humming to himself.
In his eyes…
EXT. SPACE
A nebula in the visage of snarled teeth glitters red.
A green planet sails through the vast black between the stars.
EXT. ALIEN PLANET – SPACE COLONY – NIGHT
Acid rain SHOWERS a grey windowed slab, with spires of black clouds mixing with the green skies above. A massive ship sleeps next to the structure.
INT. SPACE COLONY – HALLWAYS – NIGHT
Walls once white are COATED in splotches of maroon BLOOD.
SCREAMS and GUN BLASTS argue over each other as…
SULLY, a man in his early thirties, carries both his son, Isaiah, and a baseball bat with two electric nail guns taped to the end. – Sully has been as quick to shush his child to silence as he’s been willing to fuck death itself to save him.
Meanwhile, Isaiah, kicks against Sully.
ISAIAH
(coughing)
You’re making it worse! Stop! Stop!
A man dressed in a TACTICAL SPACE SUIT runs out into the hallway, sees Sully and Isaiah, and raises a futuristic SHOTGUN.
Sully drops Isaiah to the ground…
Grips his bat with both hands…
And SWINGS it into the head of the spaceman…
Leaving two nails EMBEDDED into the spaceman’s helmet and subsequent SKULL.
Isaiah struggles to catch his breath, whooping from every expulsion of air.
Sully goes to pick his son up, but Isaiah pushes his hands away.
SULLY
Believe it or not, I’m trying to save you. The least you could do is make it easy!
Isaiah coughs harder, his mouth opening unnaturally wide.
Isaiah clutches his hand to his mouth, tears streaming from his eyes at the pain.
ISAIAH
It’s not my fault that I’m going to die!
SULLY
(convincing himself more than his son)
You’re not going to die!
Sully, reigning himself in.
SULLY
I fu…I messed up. I know…I shouldn’t have pushed you before.
A spaceman backs into a hallway, screaming. He fires a round into the room he was backing out of, before catching sight of Sully and Isaiah.
SULLY
(to Isaiah)
Please, let me save you, now.
SPACEMAN
Over here!
The spaceman flips backwards onto his back, before being dragged back into the room, wailing for mercy’s sake.
Sully picks up Isaiah, who’s too weak to fight back.
ISAIAH
My mouth is coming out! It hurts! It hurts really, really bad.
Sully
I know. I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.
Sully catches sight of yet another spaceman behind them.
He ducks down and runs into another room…
Grabs a small sauce pan off of the oven…
And hides behind a kitchen counter.
ISAIAH
Dad?
SULLY
(grabbing saran wrap off of the counter)
Shhh.
The spaceman pads into the apartment living quarters. Another spaceman joins him, shuffle-stepping.
Sully rips the saran wrap, makes an incision in the center of it with a pocket knife, and wraps it around the opening of the sauce pan.
Sully clutches his son close to him, leaving his bat at his side, while Isaiah breathes into and out of the plastic opening in the sauce pan.
ISAIAH
I wish I was normal.
SULLY
Shhh, shhh.
ISAIAH
I wish I was normal.
SULLY
You’re better than me. Okay? Don’t ever be like me. This is my fault. All of this is my fault.
A shot gun blast sounds off in the room.
SMASH CUT TO BLACK.
INT. Space Colony – Sully’s Room – Night
Sully jolts awake. He catches his breath as he eyes a portrait of a woman smiling, happy. Tears begin to stream from his eyes as…
He lays on his side of the bed, ALONE, as though a void were resting where his wife should be.
SUPERIMPOSE: 18 HOURS EARLIER
SULLY (V.O.)
Open wide, kiddo.
INT. SULLY’S APARTMENT – MORNING
The glitter of a sun rising trickles into the room from a window.
KZZT. KZZT. The same window reveals itself as a screen depicting an artificial world beyond the walls of the space colony with each malfunction of static.
We pan back to see the remainder of the room – crisp, organized, more reminiscent of a hotel room than a lived in apartment.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
Aaaaaaaaaah.
SULLY (O.S.)
You’re fine.
ISAIAH (O.S.)
No I’m not. *cough, cough*
Sully tries looking Isaiah in the eye, but Isaiah’s eyes look in every direction except toward his father.
SULLY
What’s here that’s more exciting than what you’ve got going on at school today?
ISAIAH
Nothing.
SULLY
(gears turning)
Yeah. Nothing.
Sully gets up and strides toward Isaiah’s room, door closed. In fact, all of the doors are closed.
ISAIAH
Dad, wait.
SULLY
Where’s your cough?
ISAIAH
*COUGH, COUGH!*
Sully tries turning the handle. Locked.
SULLY
You locked your door?
ISAIAH
*Cough* No adults allowed. *Cough*
SULLY
(reaching above the door frame)
Mhmm.
Sully recovers a small key hiding atop the door frame.
ISAIAH
Dad!
SULLY
(plugging the key in the handle)
Isaiah, some day you’ll understand that fifty percent of a parent’s job is to assume what their teenage child tells him is bullshit.
ISAIAH
I’m not a teenager.
SULLY
Semantics.
ISAIAH
Mom wouldn’t have forced me to go to school with a cough.
Sully ignores the prompt as he opens the door with all the gravitas of someone about to catch a lie.
REEEEAAARRGH!! A flash of teeth pounce on Sully’s face.
Sully leaps back in a panic.
His eyes settle down, eyeing…
A plastic dinosaur, still sounding off an electronic roar, attached to a lever sprung up from the carpet floor.
Sully braves the unknown of his son’s Rube Goldberg Machine of a room. Everywhere different mechanisms move and flow.
SULLY
(with the enthusiasm of receiving someone else’s food order)
Isaiah, what the hell is all this?
ISAIAH
*Cough.*
SULLY
Listen. This is all very impressive. I wish school was half as interesting for someone as smart as you.
ISAIAH
They’re still stuck on the FOIL method! I have half of the formulas memorized at this point!
SULLY
However—
ISAIAH
I’ll go.
SULLY
Attaboy.
Sully and Isaiah exit his room. Isaiah looks behind him, like he’s checking something.
SULLY
Hey.
ISAIAH
Yeah, dad?
SULLY
(squeezing him a little tighter)
I love you.
ISAIAH
Love you too, dad.
Under Isaiah’s bed, dark and unobserved, a glass tank. Some THING SLITHERS, but its form remains veiled by the shadows.
INT. SPACE COLONY / HALLWAYS / APARTMENTS – CONT. – DAY
A perfectly calibrated clockwork of people, computers, and robots.
No sign of any possible incident.
INT. MEDICAL BAY – DAY
A series of sterile rooms in an open concept area – a beacon of minimalism with a handful of medical staff on autopilot.
DR. MICK – 50s to 60s, stubborn, self assured, and has seen more with his own eyes than everyone in that room combined – strides out a room where a teenager’s busy coughing up a lung.
He grabs himself a cup of coffee. Another doctor, DR. DOUGLAS – 40s, soft spoken like he’s always trying to calm a fawn – pours another packet of sugar into his own cup.
DR. DOUGLAS
Sounds terrible.
DR. MICK
Don’t you start.
DR. DOUGLAS
Nonsense. I agree. The chances are so slim with the new filters.
DR. MICK
Exactly. Plus I’ve seen it already. I know what it looks like.
DR. DOUGLAS
So, nothing to be concerned with?
Dr. Mick scoffs – He’s through defending his position and his patient.
DR. MICK
Douglas, if you see me concerned, then GOD save us all.
A clatter shatters the calm of the scene.
Dr. Mick and Douglas snap their attention to…
ISAIAH (O.S.)
And because the vents have so much moisture in them, and they go to the outside—
Assistant
(to Isaiah)
Come on. This isn’t a safe place for little boys.
ISAIAH
(to Assistant)
In a minute.
(to Sully)
Dad—
SULLY
Isaiah, go back to school. It’s not safe here.
ISAIAH
But, it’s not safe anywhere. Anyway, you gotta see this!
SULLY
(to Assistant)
Get him out of here.
The Assistant takes Isaiah by the arm, but Isaiah he pulls away, eyes fixed on the ground and humming a steady tone.
SULLY
(grabbing Isaiah’s shoulders and holding him still)
Isaiah, look at me.
ISAIAH
MMHMM!
SULLY
Isaiah, I need you to listen. Look me in the eye so I know you’re listening.
Isaiah looks up at his dad, and shuts his eyes tight.
SULLY
Isaiah? Kid?
(losing it)
Look at me!
Isaiah starts laughing nervously.
SULLY
Do you know what you broke? It wasn’t a line. It was a tool that could let us see and remove…medical term? Stuff that gets stuck in your lungs. I can’t imagine how that might be useful.
Isaiah
I’m sorry.
Sully
I need your help, because I don’t know how to FIX YOU.
Isaiah runs away to home.
MANAGER (O.S.)
Sully! My office! Now!
Sully grips the bridge of his nose again.
INT. MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
The manager rifles through thick stacks of paper. He repeats this process of looking busy – assessing his thoughts.
SULLY
Sir, if I may—
MANAGER
One hundred seventeen. One hundred seventeen. Do you know what that number is?
SULLY
It’s the total pop—
MANAGER
It’s the total population of this space colony, and we’re growing. We’re growing based on what, Sul?
SULLY
It’s based on—
MANAGER
Stop, stop, just stop. You don’t know. That’s the answer. You don’t know. So, let me educate you. The Hegemony owns this colony, and as the largest governmental entity off Earth, they control the majority of space travel, trading, and they’ve made significant investments here, and they’ll continue growing this little colony based on the success and resources we’re able to bring them.
SULLY
You didn’t bring me in to discuss politics.
MANAGER
It’s not politics. It’s you and your son making a mockery of the system that brings prosperity to every man, woman, and child here and abroad.
SULLY
I understand. If I may—
Manager
You don’t understand. I understand. I understand you lost your wife to those things, and I understand that’s made it hard for you. You don’t understand what I’ll be forced to do if you refuse to take ownership of your actions or the actions of your out-of-control child, and align with the interests of The Hegemony. If you can’t get it together between you two, then I’ll make sure The Hegemony takes your son and aligns him to their vision.
SULLY
I’ll admit. You’re right. I’ve been reckless and this is space. We can’t take chances.
Manager taps his trigger-finger against the desk, anticipating the next few words to target.
SULLY
I’ll be more considerate to protocol. You have my word on that. But I’ll make this as clear as I can. I am the only parent he has and will have.
The wail of a siren slashes through the tension between the two, each shifting their attention to its source.
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PS81 Day 4 (First 10 Pages) Anita’s Rough Draft
What I learned: My twist happens on page 4. It WAS on page 3 – but then in a previous assignment I added a bit up front. SO I am not going to change anything here, but I look forward to the critiques!
Also, I consider my “inciting incident” Danica’s decision to have an abortion…. But she is conflicted about it. Then several twists follow this (she can’t go thru with it; then has the baby and almost dies; then abandons the infant at a shelter; then later in life regrets all this; until the end when she regrets having Harley at all).
Rough Draft of First 10 Pages of: ‘LIFE CHOICES’
FADE IN:
INT. UPSCALE HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
A COUPLE are in the throes of hot sex. We only see glimpses: A woman’s unadorned left hand bunching the sheets in passion; A man’s back beaded in sweat. His left hand runs through her long brown hair offsetting the gold glint of his wedding ring.
Ecstatic MOANS, and then he collapses his full weight on the willowy 20-something.
We don’t see her face as she unceremoniously shoves him off, but we get our first look of CYRUS KILNER’s 30-something fine-looking, satisfied face.
CYRUS
You available this time next week?
CUT TO:
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
A WOMAN is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well.
The room is large enough to hold a team of doctors but still feels crowded by the kinetic energy of SEVERAL NURSES, an OB/GYN, and A PEDIATRIC SPECIALIST – all buzzing around the room, alongside a waiting incubator.
But there is no partner, relative, or friend helping the woman through the ultimate intimacy of giving birth.
The medical team’s intense movements are choreographed in such a way that we never see the woman’s face, only that she has short blonde hair.
HARLEY (UNSEEN) NARRATES (V.O.)
I could have died that day.
(beat)
And maybe I should have.
OB/GYN
Page the anesthesiologist! I think we’re looking at an emergency C-section.
WOMAN
NO!
She SCREAMS in agony.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
I can do this!
Another intense contraction hits her and the woman pushes with grunts and gritted teeth.
WOMAN (CONT’D)
AAAHHHH!
OB/GYN
You might be willing but your system is under a huge amount of stress. You might lose the remaining kidney function if we don’t –
WOMAN
(in pain)
Nooo — !!!
As he speaks the <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> grabs the short stool and swivels into position between her stirrup-ed knees to check her progress.
OB/GYN
We talked about this….
The woman SCREAMS again, giving another mighty push.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Okay… it looks like we’re having it your way, the baby’s crowning –
The already lively room swings into immediate action.
OB/GYN (CONT’D)
Ok, give me one more push!
She does, and after a moment of collectively held breath we hear an infant’s thin wail.
The <st1:place w:st=”on”>OB</st1:place> hands the baby over to the waiting pediatrician for assessment.
A nurse tends to the mother…
NURSE
(alarmed)
Doctor, she’s unconscious!
CUT TO:
SUPER: 7 Months Ago
FAST CUT TO:
SUPER: 7 Months Ago
INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT
A petite blonde dressed in an impeccable expensive suit stands at the head of a conference table populated by junior ‘suits’. DANICA is a tight little package both physically and emotionally.
She’s conducting a meeting like a maestro conducts an orchestra – with crisp staccato instructions meted out with an efficiency that brooks no interruption or questions.
DANICA
Do you want to re-litigate a case we already won!? Hell no! We fought that battle last year. We never turn back.
Someone catches her attention through the glass wall and breaks her concentration.
It’s CYRUS KILNER, the head partner of what we can now see is a sizable bustling law firm. Cyrus swaggers by the conference room charming various assistants and secretaries along the way dispensing ready smiles, schmoozing and oozing a charismatic masculine presence.
CONFERENCE ATTENDEE
(Interrupting her reverie)
Danica? So who are you assigning to the Ryder case?
Danica’s attention swings back to the meeting at hand.
DANICA
Umm… let me get back to you. That’s all for now.
She closes her leather portfolio and marches from the room leaving the others to look around puzzled – this abrupt departure with unfinished business is not like her, and they notice.
Danica follows the path Cyrus took but without any of the social niceties along the way. She’s all brisk business. She gets to the end of the hall and stops in front of the closed heavy wood door whose plaque reads, “Cyrus Kilner, Partner”.
Danica’s uncharacteristic hesitation belies her nervousness.
Then she throws the door open with conviction and enters Cyrus’s office.
He’s on the phone and looks up, surprised. Danica quietly closes and locks the door behind her.
CYRUS
(into the phone)
I have to call you back.
He hangs up and a sly smile spreads across his face. He stands and takes a slow walk to Danica who’s just standing there with her back against the closed door, hands on handle.
CYRUS (CONT’D)
Well isn’t this a nice surprise. Couldn’t wait until after hours? We haven’t snuck in a quickie before. How quiet do you think we can be?
Now he’s standing directly in front of Danica. But as he puts his hands on her shoulders she shrugs him off and storms away.
CYRUS (CONT’D)
Playing hard to get?
Danica doesn’t answer, just paces the large well-appointed office. She picks up and puts down a few expensive-looking pieces of art tastefully incorporated around the room. Cyrus watches her, wary now.
Finally she whirls to face him, chin up.
DANICA
I’m pregnant.
Cyrus looks sucker-punched.
CYRUS
What!? How –
DANICA
The usual way.
(beat)
It must have happened when I changed my prescription. I guess the pill isn’t as reliable as death or taxes.
CYRUS
We can’t –
DANICA
There is no “we” in this Cyrus.
Now it’s Cyrus’ turn to pace the room like a caged animal.
CYRUS
Right. But you know I can’t have this – it would ruin me – my marriage, my career –
He looks over his shoulder to her.
CYRUS (CONT’D)
Our career. Your career.
He goes to her, now trying a soft reasonable tone.
CYRUS (CONT’D)
Dani, we can take care of this. I know a private doctor –
DANICA
(laughing derisively)
Oh that’s rich. You were on the state legislature when the current anti-abortion bill was signed into law. You gloated over that for weeks! Or don’t you remember all that posturing over hearing the baby’s heartbeat making life real, etc, etc.
Cyrus looks panicked. He starts sputtering . . .
CYRUS
That was meant to… that’s different… how far along are you?
DANICA (CONT.)
Unfortunately for you and your fucking law, just over 6 weeks. But don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. I’ll just have to leave the state to do it.
There’s a long pause between them. It is the sound of an affair ending and two people seeing each other for who they really are.
DANICA (CONT’D)
Consider this my notice.
Without another word Danica goes to the office door, calmly unlocks it, and before SLAMMING it in his face, tosses over her shoulder, loud enough for the office pool to hear –
DANICA (CONT’D)
Oh, and say hi to Karen and the kids for me.
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME – DAY
After knocking with no answer Danica walks into her sister’s comfortably chaotic middle-class home.
She must step over several toys on her way to the kitchen where her ‘soccer-mom’ sister REBECCA is stirring something on the stove with one toddler banging pots at her feet, while humming to the 9-month-old propped comfortably on her hip.
DANICA
Beck?
Her sister looks up with both surprise and pleasure at seeing Danica.
REBECCA
Dani! I didn’t hear you come in. Here.
Rebecca unceremoniously hands the baby over to her sister so she can season what’s on the stove.
Danica holds the child awkwardly and perches it on her hip, not inward, but looking outward.
DANICA
Beck, I need to talk.
REBECCA
Sure. I’m the queen of multi-tasking. What’s up?
Danica starts juggling the baby on her hip who has started to whimper. The toddler’s pot-banging gets louder.
DANICA
Rebecca, I need to talk to you NOW! Can you stop with the kids and the cooking already!?
REBECCA
Ooo-kay –
Rebecca turns off the stove and takes the fussy baby from Dani. At her feet, the toddler’s pot-banging hits the obnoxious level.
DANICA
For god’s sake, can’t they be quiet for ONE FUCKING MINUTE!?
REBECCA (O/S)
Ted!
Rebecca’s HUSBAND TED is barely in the room when she hands him the now crying baby, steps over the toddler, and leads a seething Dani by the elbow out onto the back patio.
EXT. REBECCA’S HOUSE – CONTINUOUS
The sisters sit at a picnic table. Rebecca waits expectantly while Danica nervously brushes at some leaves.
Then she just blurts it out.
DANICA
I’m pregnant.
Her sister is truly surprised and momentarily speechless.
REBECCA
I didn’t even know you were seeing someone!
(beat/changes course)
Oh, but how wonderful!
She goes in to hug Danica, who brushes her aside.
DANICA
No. NOT wonderful. I don’t want it. And neither does he.
(beat)
I’m not having it.
REBECCA
You’re not – but you can’t mean it –
DANICA
I DO mean it. I can’t get it done here with this heinous ‘hearbeat law’, so I’m going over the border to <st1:city w:st=”on”>Lafayette</st1:city> or <st1:city w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Baton Rouge</st1:place></st1:city> and will be out of town. In fact, I might move there permanently, if I can find the right law firm.
(something occurs to her)
Shit. That means I’d have to pass the <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:place></st1:state> state bar.
(sighs heavily)
Well – I just thought you should know.
Rebecca looks stunned. Then she takes a deep breath and gathers herself.
REBECCA
Dani, I know this must all seem overwhelming in the moment, but you’ll get your bearings and then the sheer joy of creating this precious life will settle in and –
DANICA
No. There is no joy. And there won’t be any –
REBECCA
But the moment you hold your baby you’ll feel differently – it’s like falling in love –
DANICA
(laughs bitterly)
I don’t know what that feels like. Look Beck – my life isn’t like yours. I don’t have the white-picket-fence husband-family gene, and frankly have no appetite for it. I chose a law career. That’s MY path, and I won’t have some mistake interfere with that.
REBECCA reaches out to hold Dani’s hand.
REBECCA
(with soft compassion)
It’s not a mistake, it’s a baby.
Danica rises to go, forceful in her rejection of Rebecca’s pleas.
DANICA
No! It’s NOT a baby… it’s just a collection of cells, an embryo… an unwanted alien object intruding on MY life!
Rebecca stands too, desperate to persuade her sister against an abortion.
REBECCA
Think Dani! we grew up in the same church – what does it teach us…. What would mom and dad say?
DANICA
(coldly)
Unlike you, I left the church years ago. And mom and dad are dead.
The words are like a slap and Rebecca recoils as if hit.
DANICA (CONT’D)
(more gently)
Beck, we’re the only family each of us has now. And you already risked your life, TWICE, each time you had a kid. You may have been born with two kidneys to my one, but they’re weak… and well, frankly I do not intend to put my life on the line for a child I DO NOT want.
REBECCA
But Dani, I didn’t die… and there’s always adoption –
Danica cuts her off by walking away.
REBECCA (CONT’D)
(pleading)
Please don’t do this thing, I beg you! I promise, you’ll grow to love the child –
DANICA
I didn’t come here for a debate. I just wanted to let you know why I’ll be gone. Goodbye Beck.
A stoic Danica leaves her sister who has tears streaming down her face.
INT. DANICA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Danica’s surrounded by several packed boxes. She’s yanking clothes off their hangers out of the closet and throwing them into an open suitcase on the bed.
She’s SO ANGRY she starts to cry – tears of frustration, feelings of entrapment –
DANICA
God DAMMIT!
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placename w:st=”on”>CATHOLIC</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>CHURCH</st1:placetype></st1:place> – LATER THAT NIGHT
Danica sits alone in an empty church.
No one approaches her.
DANICA
(bitterly, to herself)
An empty house for an empty heart, with nothing but empty answers.
Her words echo and bounce.
She stands abruptly and marches down the aisle and out the doors into the night.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Danica’s driving a packed car – fleeing her state, escaping to <st1:state w:st=”on”>Louisiana</st1:state> where the abortion laws are slightly more lenient than <st1:state w:st=”on”><st1:place w:st=”on”>Texas</st1:place></st1:state>.
The 2-lane state road is pitch dark with no other traffic at this hour.
SUDDENLY Danica’s headlights catch a giant billboard depicting Cyrus Kilner, his wife Karen and their two young children, proclaiming:
VOTE Cyrus Kilner for Judge!
A Family Man with Family Values!
It’s disorienting to see his smug face larger than life in this moment.
Dani’s laugh is bitter as she drives toward the billboard and in a moment of deep darkness veers along the edge of the pavement looking as if she’s headed right into the sign’s posts –
DANICA
– death by billboard –
Her laughter turns to tears with touches of hysteria –
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Matthew Frendo’s Rough draft
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to create a strong twist and inciting incident in the first 10 pages. This will give my scripts stronger openings and be a better read overall.
INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT
HALLWAY
The place is trashed, with some dead bodies on the ground mixed in with debris and overall griminess.
A man comes out of a door on one side of the hallway. This is PACO. He’s a hulking menace covered in tattoos from head to toe carrying a baseball bat with a spike in it. Out of breath, he leans against the wall.
Then, out of the other door, emerges SPENCER. Another huge man, but with a military-cut and no tattoos. He’s also out of breath and carrying a rusty chain.
Did I mention both were covered in blood. And I mean head-to-toe covered. It’s even in their eyes and hair.
The two look at each other and lock eyes.
HOST (V.O.)
Here we are folks. The final moment has come upon us.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The HOST is the only thing illuminated on a black stage. He speaks in a terse whisper.
HOST
The two most vicious and bloodthirsty criminals in the world are about to meet up for the last time. Both of their gangs have been annihilated in the just twenty minutes. It’s just them now. What will happen next?
INT. INSANE ASYLUM – NIGHT
PACO and SPENCER step up to each other. They look each other up and down–
–then they both break down into near hysterics.
PACO
What the fuck is this is some crazy shit! I never seen nothing like this before!
SPENCER
Everyone’s dead, man. I–I–I couldn’t even move to save them.
PACO
Fuck, this ain’t like inside.
SPENCER
No, man, I just want to go home.
PACO
. Maybe if we work together, we can make it out–
DING! The building’s elevator, down a perpendicular hallway from where they’re standing, has just arrived.
They both tremble in fear.
PACO
Is that–
SPENCER
It can’t be. It can’t use an elevat–
Then they hear a low, growling sound from the dark elevator.
Inside the elevator is a massive, dark shape. It growls ominously, as it watches them from the darkness.
They stand, frozen, just watching.
SPENCER
It’s too late.
PACO
I’m sorry, Mom. I wish I did better.
Then the dark shape roars and attacks–
The two dip down a hallway, slipping as they go.
SPENCER
We gotta get into a room.
Paco tries a door. It’s locked. Spencer tries another. Locked too.
They start running again.
PACO
There’s nowhere to–
CHOMP! The beast is so fast that we don’t see it…but we do see Paco’s legs left behind in its wake, body torn apart.
Spencer gets to a wall and turns around. His tattooed eyes cry profusely as he shakes his head.
SPENCER
Please! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!
WHOMP! We see the silhouette of what appears to be a large dog rip his throat out.
HOST (V.O.)
And stop there.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The same Host from before stands in a production room, next to the editors. The Host points to the screen.
HOST
We’ll make last year’s ending this year’s opening. It’ll get their appetites whet for what’s to come.
EDITOR #1
Last year’s was the bloodiest by far.
HOST
And that’s why we use it again.
EDITOR #2
Won’t that just put pressure on us to do better this time?
HOST
Oh yea of little faith, have I ever let you down?
INT. JOSH’S ROOM – DAY
JOSH (30’s), overweight and bespectacled, finishes photoshopping a girl so she looks naked on his screen. Then he talks to his webcam.
JOSH
This bitch made my life hell all through high school. Let’s see how she likes it when everyone sees her naked this time. I usually hate revenge porn, but she did the same–
BOOM! He hears a door bust open and people come in upstairs. His face goes white.
JOSH
No, no…it can’t be. It’s just a joke!
He sees his armband blinking and covers it as they enter. He tries the Jedi Mind Trick.
JOSH
Umm…you’re looking for someone else–
He push him down and drag him out.
INT. BIKER BAR – DAY
SINCLAIR (50’s) is a hard looking biker. He takes a shot and watches in the upper mirror as the authorities slowly approach. As they get close–
SMASH! He bashes one over the head with a bottle. WHAM! He slams another’s head into the bar. BAM! He headbutts another.
More men enter and ten of them take him down together.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host is looking at a sheet of numbers.
EDITOR #1
This isn’t going to be the same without you.
HOST
You’re too kind. But I haven’t even gotten the position yet. I may not even want it.
EDITOR #2
You already sound like a politician.
HOST
Oh, Minister of Propaganda isn’t really a political thing. More social. And if tonight isn’t perfect, it may not happen at all. How the players coming in?
EDITOR #2
We started the new system last week. Let’s see…
EXT. KRISTEN’S CHURCH – DAY
KRISTEN (early 20’s) comes out of a church, guitar in hand, to a group of adoring fans.
KRISTEN
Oh my Gosh, you guys are so sweet. I am truly blessed with–
Then they erupt. She looks behind her and sees DIVINE (20’s, female) come out. She looks like a model. All the fans rush by Kristen to see her.
Kristen starts to walk off dejected, when authorities approach her. She turns white.
KRISTEN
This can’t be. You have the wrong person.
They harshly grab her and pull her with them.
KRISTEN
But God wouldn’t do this to me!
INT. SUNSHINE HOSPITAL – DAY
NICK (20’s-30’s) is looking out the window of the hospital. Then he sees a van pull into the parking lot.
NICK
Oh shit, it’s happening now.
He quickly starts to run down the hall…but sees authorities are already there. He looks down the other hall and they’re there too.
NICK
Just let me say goodbye.
They impassively stare at him. He runs.
They grab him and tackle him.
NICK
Just let me say goodbye! Sylvia! Sylvia!
They drag him off screaming.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host is looking over candidates.
HOST
Take the top one out. Too pretty.
They click a button.
EDITOR #2
Isn’t it supposed to be vote based?
HOST
It mostly is. Just don’t put in anyone too rich or that’s model pretty. Our sponsors don’t want to see that. Remember, it’s the first time non-crimainals are being voted on, so we need to tread carefully.
(a beat)
Oh, definitely put her in.
INT. DRUG HOUSE – DAY
JOCELYN (late 30’s, early 40’s), is punk rock through and through. She sits in a maggot-filled drug house drinking bourbon and doing lines.
A knock at the door.
JOCELYN
Fuck off! This is all for me!
Another knock.
JOCELYN
Are you deaf, you piece of shit motherfucker?! Leave!
Then the door busts in and authorities enter.
JOCELYN
Oh, shit!
She throws a punch and one tasers her until she’s shaking. Then they grab and carry her away.
INT. STAN’S APARTMENT – DAY
STAN (30’s) is asleep in a haze filled apartment, bong next to him.
The door opens and the authorities come in. They stand above him as he sleeps. He groggily wakes up. He looks at them, confused.
STAN
Am I on acid?
WHAM! One slams their baton into his stomach.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host sees Deb walk by.
HOST
I trust you guys to handle the rest. Remember, no one rich and no one model pretty.
He hurries to Deb.
HOST
Show is looking wonderful tonight.
DEB
Of course it is. You’ve never let us down before.
He just nods. She looks at him.
DEB
I haven’t heard anything yet.
HOST
I wasn’t asking. Just, you know–
She eyes him knowingly. He smirks, getting it.
DEB
I haven’t heard anything yet.
HOST
Okay, but when you do–
DEB
Who else would I tell?
He nods as she walks off.
HOST
Gotta make this the best show ever. Go out with a bang.
INT. ALICIA’S CLOSET – NIGHT
BANG! We hear the authorities pounding the door.
Alicia finishes putting the bracelet on, flinching as the pain flows through her bloodied wrist.
She looks at Aiden’s wrist and sees his is bloody too and he’s crying.
They whisper through the entire scene.
ALICIA
I know it hurts buddy, but it’s the only way.
AIDEN
It’s not that. I don’t care about that.
She turns to him, giving him all of her attention.
ALICIA
What is it?
He shrugs.
AIDEN
I can’t say.
ALICIA
It’s okay. No one can hear us in here.
He lowers his whisper anyway.
AIDEN
I don’t want you to go. I don’t want to be alone with her.
ALICIA
Don’t worry. Mom will–
AIDEN
She said she’s not my mom. That she’s ashamed of me to be a mother. That I should call her Carole from now on.
ALICIA
(muttering)
That fucking bitch.
(back to Aiden)
Sorry. Don’t repeat that.
He looks at her, pleading.
AIDEN
Please don’t go.
Her heart breaks and you can see it on her face.
ALICIA
I have no choice. I wish I did. I wish more than anything.
He cries harder.
AIDEN
How am I going to make it without you?
ALICIA
I’ll always be with you. Look…
She looks around, but sees she has nothing to give him. She looks at her shirt and sees two buttons are stained with blood from her wrist.
She pulls them off of the shirt, takes a few strands of fabric and quickly makes two necklaces out of it.
ALICIA
You take one and I’ll take the other. That way, we’ll always be together in our hearts. And when we need strength to handle all of the pain, we can use this to get that strength from each other.
She gingerly puts it around his neck.
AIDEN
What if you…don’t come back?
Alicia forces a smile, holding back her tears and gives a shrug.
ALICIA
It definitely won’t be easy.
She hears the knock and goes out the closet. The authorities bust in ready to take her by force.
ALICIA
Sorry. Didn’t hear you there. Ready to go?
They just stare, not sure what to make of her willingness.
She goes with them calmly, giving a crying Tony one last smile.
INT. PRODUCTION ROOM – DAY
The Host goes to the editors.
HOST
Let’s see what beasts has been picked.
He smiles as they show him.
HOST
Oh, these little shits have no idea what’s coming.
-
Day 4 – The Necessary Structural Components – Assignment
Mike O – Rough Draft
What I learned doing this assignment is the importance of crafting the first ten pages and how they and your ending are linked through a series of processes that, done correctly, create the boundaries or framework for the story itself. The process is actually liberating and allows/forces me to be more creative, to ‘pitch’ possibilities that I would not normally allow to surface let alone be given serious consideration.
[I] Write a rough draft of your first ten pages. See below.
[II] Select your 3rd page twist and your inciting incident. Twist (pg 3) The garbage man’s discovery of Joshua, dead behind the dumpster. The introduction of the protagonist, his daughter, who just received Joshua’s Xmas card in the mail. Inciting Incident (pg ) Brooklyn is named the executor of her father’s estate.
[III] Use the opening scene you wrote yesterday and write a rough draft of the entire first ten pages. See below.
========================================================
ACT ONEIt is early morning. There is a skiff of snow coating the street, the parked vehicles and strands of garland encircling the lamp poles along main street.
The citizens of Evergreen are waking, getting ready for the day. It will be another hour before traffic ushers in this particular Monday.
INT. GARBAGE TRUCK CAB – DAWN
We are in the driver’s seat of a large garbage truck. The only audible sound is Tchaikovsky’s, “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.” There is a small, snow globe glued to the dashboard.
From this vantage point, we have an unobstructed view as the vehicle turning left, into an alley that runs between Main and First Street.
The two and three story buildings, turn-of-the-century brick, have been converted into town-homes, lofts and boutiques.
We TRACK over the Garbage Man’s jacketed shoulder, HEAR the scratch of his beard against the coat collar, but are unable to see his face.
Through a bedroom window on his right, we see two people having sex. Woman, gyrating on top, is at a full gallop.
GARBAGE MAN “Lucky stiff.”
Window on the left, we SEE an elderly man at a kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. ZOOM IN on the box of cereal.
GARBAGE MAN “They still ‘magically delicious,’ Harold? “
Vehicle slows, turns forty-five degrees to the right.
Still looking over his shoulder, we see a feral cat scrunch down and CLAW at the air from a top the garbage bin the truck is pulling up to.
GARBAGE MAN “Move it or lose it, gato.”
Song comes to a close. We HEAR the mechanical SOUNDS of the garbage truck’s hydraulics lifting as it hoists the metal bin into the air.
Behind the dumpster, we glimpse a body.
GARBAGE MAN “Holy shit! No, no… damn it. Joshua! “
Gloved hand pushes some levers, truck comes to a stop. Driver’s door opens, he jumps out of the cab of the truck. And as he lands and loses his footing, we find…
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – AFTERNOON
BROOKLYN: porcelain-skinned, siren haired. Michelangelo would have sculpted her for David. Dreamy green eyes. She turns away from the mailbox with a handful of mail. One envelope in particular, has caught her eye.
INSERT – LETTER’S RETURN ADDRESS
“Joshua Murray, 6368 Forest Lane Rd., Evergreen, CO.”
Lost in thought, she looses her footing. ARMS pinwheel as she attempts to regain her balance. Letters go flying. Luckily, she lands in a pile of snow the road-grader bladed off the cul-de-sac.
HOLD ON her staring up at the CAMERA, unsure if she is hurt.
CUT TO:
EXT. ALLEYWAY – CONTINUOUS
Joshua, on his back wearing a painter’s smock. He cannot hear or feel the man above him attempting to resuscitate him.
There are dabs of paint on Joshua’s sleeve and his cheek. A paint brush in his shirt pocket, a bottle of whiskey in his other hand.
CLOSE ON the dabs of frozen paint. They resemble flower petals that have curled and pulled away from the skin.
Drifting from the cab of the garbage truck, Andrea Bocelli Christmas music starts up.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDEWALK – NEIGHBORHOOD MAIL BOX – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn picks herself up, gathers her mail — CLUTCHES it against her chest — HURRIES home in a careful, half-stride fashion.
Framed in the living room window, her Christmas tree. Taped to the front door, a life-size, cut-out of Frosty, the Snowman. Brooklyn unlocks the door, gives Frosty a look.
BROOKLYN “There wasn’t any magic in that old silk hat, was there?”
INT. TOWN HOME – CONTINUOUS
A creature of habit, mail is DROPPED on the counter along with her purse and keys. Cell phone gets tethered to its charger.
Brooklyn KICKS OFF her heels, leaves them by the front door. Coat, gloves, and scarf go in the coat closet.
On her way to the bedroom, she turns up the wall thermostat.
INSERT – DIGITAL SCREEN
“76 degrees”
INT. BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS
Brooklyn undresses, finds her flannel jamies and fuzzy house slippers. As CAMERA PULLS BACK, we discover Brooklyn, besides being a creature of habit, is quite the interior decorator.
The room is warm and feminine: rich colors and textures transition into one another. Appealing. Tasteful.
She strides out of the room without out so much as a glance in the mirror. Inadvertently, she kicks the cat’s flickable, ping-pong ball.
Brooklyn watches it ROLL down the hall, mutters:
BROOKLYN “You’re safe, ping. Cat’s run off. Just you and me now.”
She walks down the hallway, stops, turns around and retrieves the ping-pong ball. Scarred, she turns it over in her palm, able to feel and see the teeth marks the cat inflicted.
BROOKLYN “It’s time you saw the Christmas tree and got into the holiday spirit. Nothing bad is going to happen, trust me. Cat’s gone.”
TIME CUT: KITCHEN — BROOKLYN POURING WINE. ON THE COUNTER, A CUTTING BOARD, SMALL WEDGE OF CHEESE, CRACKERS AND A KNIFE. IN THE BACKGROUND, KENNY G. CHRISTMAS MUSIC.
Gathering up the mail, her phone and the cutting board, Brooklyn steps into the living room and plops down on the love seat.
Moment later, phone RINGS. Brooklyn checks caller ID, smiles.
BROOKLYN “I was about to call you.”
CAROLYN “Wanted to make sure you made it home. Supposed to snow all night.”
BROOKLYN “In my jamies with a glass of wine. You will never believe who wrote me.”
CAROLYN “Brian, or was it Bobby? I can’t keep up. “
BROOKLYN “Turns out Bobby is married. I hate how men lie. People change, grow old and die. A painting does not change its mind or leave. It does not lie, need love, or anyone’s approval. (sips wine) Ignore the rant. It’s why I trust paints and canvas. People, not so much.
CAROLYN “We all start out as a blank canvas. What we choose to put on it, defines us. Trust me, when you least expect it, love finds a way.
BROOKLYN “You sound like Ian from Jurassic Park, ‘Life finds a way.’ Hated that line, too schmaltzy.
CAROLYN “He was right and so am I. Being in love is like believing in Christmas or the magic in Frosty’s hat.
BROOKLYN “Sorry, love finds a way, not something I’m going to say anytime soon.
CAROLYN “The big three-O, come Saturday. You are coming over, right? I’ll have Stan grill salmon filets and I bought a bottle of that French Pinot you love.
BROOKLYN “You don’t have to do that. Seriously, I’ll be okay.
CAROLYN “Don’t ever settle for okay. It is a big deal and I want to be there for you. I won’t take NO for an answer. I’ll even throw in chocolate cake from Dee’s. Whadda’ say?
BROOKLYN “You make saying no, impossible. Mother always made a big deal out of…(words fail – beat) Thank-you.
CAROLYN “After my mother passed, I was a mess. Holidays are the worst. If you need to come over and spend time, please do. I know my boys would love to see you.
BROOKLYN (reaches for wine) “Maybe tomorrow. I’ll bring a pizza. We can watch a Christmas movie.
CAROLYN “Excellent. Until then. Good night.
Brooklyn hangs up. Curled up in her favorite throw blanket, she stares out the window, into the falling snow.
In a corner of the room, her Christmas tree. As if on cue, the timer turns ON. Tinseled and twinkling, it is perfect. Brooklyn salutes the tree with her wine glass.
She flips through the mail: pile for flyers and junk, another for bills. Halfway through the stack, she is stopped by an envelop with a yellow, forwarding address sticker.
She stares off a moment then TOSSES it to the floor as if it were red hot. Struggling to remain calm, she takes several, deep breaths: telling herself it couldn’t possibly be. No way.
BROOKLYN “I can’t do this right now.”
Brooklyn stares at the framed portrait of her mother on the coffee table next to a crystal candy dish.
INSERT – PHOTOGRAPH
Distinguished lady in a sweater. In the background, a fireplace with Christmas stockings hanging from the mantle.
BACK TO SCENE
Brooklyn struggles to keep from tearing up. She picks up the photograph, gives her mother a KISS, sets it back down.
BROOKLYN “Wish you were here, mom… I’m enjoying your favorite cheese.”
The fact she died in March from a brain tumor, doesn’t seem possible.
BROOKLYN “Been nine months; it feels unreal.”
Brooklyn stares at the envelope lying on the hardwood floor, her expression conveys trepidation, even fear.
BROOKLYN “What do you want? You left, you abandoned me. Why now?”
Unwilling to face her fear, Brooklyn reaches for wine and the wedge of cheese on the cutting board. She inadvertently knocks the ping-pong ball off the coffee table.
Brooklyn COUNTS the number of times the ball bounces, watches it roll to the tree and STOP at the edge of the felt skirt.
BROOKLYN “Eight times (hits her) Eight days until Christmas, what are the odds?”
The coincidence makes her smile. She looks off, looses herself in the swirling antics of moth-sized snowflakes outside her window.
Two glasses of wine later, Brooklyn retrieves the envelope. Her hands shake. She takes a deep breath, OPENS the envelope and removes the Christmas card. Inside, it reads:
INSERT – WRITING
“Merry Christmas, Brook. Love Dad.”
BACK TO PRESENT.
Squeezing her eyes shut against all that she feels, Brooklyn sets the card aside. As she is reaching for a wedge of cheese, there is a KNOCK at her door.
Brooklyn glances at the wall clock, then hurries to the door.
BROOKLYN “May I help you?”
Postal carrier hands her a certified letter, then pulls out an electronic device and has her sign for it.
BROOKLYN (mutters) “Thank-you.”
She closes the door, walks back to the couch, her eyes glued on the return address:
INSERT: RETURN ADDRESS
“Mr. Alan Worthington, Esq. Worthington Law Offices 15 Main Street Wintergreen, Colorado, 80437”
She rips open the envelope and begins reading. The dread all but palpable. In the second sentence, the word “deceased” JUMPS OFF THE PAGE!
Stunned, eyes wide in DISBELIEF. HOLD for a beat as Brooklyn processes. Shrinking, her posture crumples.
Oblivious to the tears, to muttering, “no, no, no…” her voice retreating to a scared little girl wanting her daddy back. She bursts into a pained laugh imagining her father, whom her mother called a ne’er-do-well, having an estate.
BROOKLYN “Executor of what, a double wide. That’s rich… I’m not going!
She THROWS the letter aside in disgust.
In ULTRA SLOW MOTION TRACK the two pages as they fall to the floor. ZOOM IN on the second page which lands at the foot of the couch.
INSERT – PAGE
“Tangible assets are as follows: art gallery, four bedroom cabin, three vehicles, two bank accounts…”
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