Day 4 Assignments

[Bill kellas]

THE 4-ACT STRUCTURE FOR LEAD CHARACTERS

Look at the story and who your character is in order to create their unique structure.

Beginning: Where does the character start?Inciting incident: What propels them on their journey?Turning Point 1: A major twist that locks them into a conflict.Act 2: The character has a “normal response” to this change in their lives.Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: A twist that causes everything to change but keeps the character on the same journey.Act 3: The character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things.Turning Point 3: Another major twist that takes them to the biggest conflict.4th Act Climax: The ultimate experience/expression of this conflict.Resolution: Their world has changed. How did they end up after going through this journey?

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[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s New Outline Beats

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top: I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Doing this back-and-forth method forced me to fill in some gaps. Also, it forced me to stay with the main characters right now rather than get buried in supporting characters and B plots.

GLOW AGAIN

When a magical stone reunites two star-crossed lovers decades later in a small Montana town, they must abandon wounds of the past and confront buried secrets if they are to reignite true love and glow again.

Genre: Romantic Drama

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

(2001) Alley (PJ) Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter Alley sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

Deeper Layer: Alley is Lillian Lamont’s granddaughter.

(1946) Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over.

Deeper Layer: Adventurous Young Lillian longs for escape.

A parade for the American allies marches through the streets.

Inciting Incident: Lillian (PJ) catches the American penny that Joe (soldier) tosses from a tank in the parade. They fall in love and marry quickly. Joe ships out and gives Lillian a transport ticket to take the boat to meet him in America.

The Starcross Stone has been handed down by the Lamont’s, mother to daughter for generations.

Deeper Layer: When a lifechanging choice is at hand, The Starcross Stone glows when the holder makes a choice that will lead them to their deepest desire.

Lillian’s sister gives Lillian the Starcross Stone to take to America. It glows.

(2001) Wandering Street jeweler CJ (PJ) Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. Alley (PJ) Falls for CJ.

Alley (PJ) prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.

During Love montage, we get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make. We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day.

Deeper Layer: When Alley was a child, when she and Lillian made these cookies, Lillian (AJ) filled young Alley’s head with shining knight stories of her soldier husband Joe and her love – declaring it perfect., Ever since, Alley has abandoned relationships when they showed any sign of non-perfect love.

(1946) Lillian (PJ) sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to retrieve her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses. The Stone glows. Joe arrives at the last moment and Lillian reunites with her soldier.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

(2000) Alley (AJ) overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic and thinks they are talking about HER.

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) misunderstood the conversation. They weren’t even talking about her. But she thinks he is slamming her ability and her dream.

Hurt and betrayed, Alley (AJ) confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ (PJ) has no idea why. He (AJ) accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley (AJ) is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

She marches to “their spot” on the river and throws the necklace CJ made for her in.

We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.

Hint to Reveal: During Alley’s POV on the breakup, we see that CJ (PJ) is mystified with her behavior.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

CJ (AJ) nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home. (we see this through flashbacks)

(1946) Lillian (PJ) arrives in America only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider.

This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian (AJ) packs her bags to bolt, the stone glows. She then finds out she is pregnant. She stays. The stone does not glow for decades.

(Present Day) Alley (PJ) buys the Starcross Stone in a Missoula antique shop. Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. She loses her job and goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother Lillian.

CJ (PJ), Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley but does not yet reveal himself.

CJ has a flashback of driving Sam up the mountain. During the drive, CJ (PJ) re-lives meeting Alley.

In flashback CJ(AJ) rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. He relives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda think CJ (AJ)is a jerk. But after we see CJ’s (PJ) side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley (AJ)for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Deeper Layer: Both Alley (AJ)and CJ (AJ) have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:

(Present Day) At Lillian’s Resort Motel in Soaking Springs, the morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make.

Deeper Layer: long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

Act 3: (A New Life)

(1990) Lillian (PJ) lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

Lillian (PJ)) takes the Stone to Missoula to help pick out a thing, It falls out of her bag and is lost to Lillian. A homeless woman finds the stone and sells it to the antique owner for the price of her deepest desire: Another drink.

(2010) At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian (AJ) sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home when she starts forgetting things.

(Present) CJ (PJ) reveals himself to Alley (PJ). Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

Alley (AJ) and CJ (AJ)get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ (PJ) dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years.

CJ (PJ) almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

(Present Day) Alley (PJ) finds out that Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). Via a letter from?

HINT: Letter includes the coin that Lillian used to wear around her neck (the one Joe threw from the tank), but it’s a dime, not a penny.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

(Present Day) CJ (PJ) takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley (AJ). He retreats with his re-broken heart.

Alley (PJ) finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian (PJ) hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley (PJ) learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian (AJ) told her years ago were mostly made up.

Deeper Layer: Alley (PJ) realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies.

Disillusioned, Alley (AJ) leaves the Starcross stone on Lillian’s dresser as she leaves.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Deeper Layer: Alley (AJ) realizes she has rejected her true love, twice!

Alley (PJ) swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love and gives her heart to CJ. He (PJ) finally kisses her with epic abandon.

Lillian (PJ) finds the Starcrossed Stone that Alley left on her dresser. She holds it close to her heart as she lays down to rest her eyes.

The Stone glows again, and Lillian (PJ) drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

One of the rest home nurses sell the Stone to the same antique dealer who places it back in its case, where it sits until this day, waiting to glow again.

[Claudia Wolfkind]

Claudia’s New Outline Beats

Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.

What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: Using multiple processes helps figure out the beat, whether going in sequential order from start to finish or knowing of events that have to happen and backing out from there to make it logical.

Ext. Nashville Skyline, Visions of Nashville from the Grand Ol Opry and Ryman, Gaylord Hotel to the Courthouse.

Opening: ABBY walking dog. She’s in booties, so is the dog. Cleans up after dog, takes it to garbage can, drops it and takes off her gloves, she’s got two sets of gloves on.

Int. Home: Takes off dog’s booties and drops them in receptacle. Takes off her own garb and does the same.

Abby is cleaning and reorganizing her closets, kitchen, pantry, etc. She’s upset by her pantry.

Abby is in front of a camera shooting videos. There are 3 PEOPLE many camera, light, sound, etc. Abby’s friend and producer/director, BONNIE calls a wrap. They’ve batched several videos. The CREW is in booties and gloves, masks. Abby thanks them by name as they leave. Bonnie reminds Abby that people are wanting to interview her. Does she have a book?

Life is Messy, Clean It Up. You can’t organize your life happy? Watch Me.

Inciting Incident: Phone call from her brother. Father had a heart attack.

Rushing to the hospital

JACK comes around the corner of the elevator carrying several coffees.

Elevator door opens and Abby crashes into him, coffee everywhere and all over each other. There’s a spark of recognition, but not sure.

Abby enters hospital room to find her DAD in bed, her brother, DAN and her MOTHER standing by the bed. She hugs them and hugs her dad, who doesn’t look that bad considering. They run down what happened. He was at the ballfield coaching the kids.

Dr comes in, tells them his condition, he’ll be laid up several weeks.

Abby goes to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

Jack comes into the room with fresh coffees. Dan and mother thank him. Dan mkes a comment that he looks like S_ _ _ and Jack says someone crashed into him. (so we know he doesn’t know Abby). Jack mentions Boomer is watching kids and Dan and the Dad make a crack about that. Nurse comes in and says too many people there. Jack leaves.

Abby comes out of the bathroom, looking a little worse for wear. She takes a coffee, not knowing where it came from. She’s guilted into taking over the business while her Dad is laid up.

ACT TWO:

Abby arrives at Business… it’s a mess. The Office is a mess, papers everywhere. The Maids (MEET ROSA) are in the breakroom, drinking coffee. Has dog with her.

There’s a butting of heads immediately between Abby and Rosa. Abby thinks the maids should be working, if not on a job, what about cleaning the office. The Maids laugh at her.

Abby attempts to clean things up, first in the office. Trying to deal with germs. She’s literally in a hazmat suit, as is the dog.

Maids are laughing at her.

Abby goes through paperwork; she picks it up with gloves on. She attempts looking into the accounts that are written down in her notebook.

Goes to hospital with File… to confront father. He feigns being asleep. Runs into Jack, again. Jack’s helping her father get away with this (pretending to be asleep).

She tries to push the maids to do more work in less time. Maids feel she’s spying/checking up on them.

Abby goes to speak with her brother, who is at the ballfield. She’s surprised to see Jack there. She learns that Jack’s taken her dad’s place coaching, until he’s better. Jack’s friends since childhood. Her brother and Boomer, their friend, are helping. *Why does Dan have time to coach but not help with the business?

Boomer realizes who Abby is and wants to get closer.

Flashback: How Abby became a germaphobe. Jack was there as well and helped her, like a Knight in shining armor.

Jack has to move a couch, for the kid’s clubhouse? Boomer can’t make it so hands Jack his keys, but Abby doesn’t see this. Goes to Boomer’s place, swanky apartment, she thinks it’s Jack’s place. He doesn’t correct her. She helps him carry the couch out and into his truck.

Jack’s Business… They move the couch into a back office at Jack’s business… he’s setting it up for the kids.

Jack shows her around his business, modular systems he’s creating. She mentions the Pantry idea.

Abby attempts to do some cleaning herself to see what the maids are up against. She goes to clean Jack’s real home (not knowing it’s his home. … (does she find out here or later?)

Tries to find a way out of the debt. PUSHES MAIDS.

Midpoint: The maids have had enough and issue a sick out/strike, no one is cleaning. The business gets a Notice of Action for failure to pay bills.

Boomer is paying off the maids to stay home.

Act 3:

Abby attempts cleaning everything by herself. Rosa and maids are spying on her.

Abby tries to hire more maids.

Abby goes to Rosa’s house. They are pretending to be sick but are actually playing poker or watching soaps.

Abby thinks about selling the business. She can’t keep cleaning by herself. Most of new maids fail (by design).

Ballpark: eating hotdogs, Abby and Jack have a heart to heart. Jack admits to being in therapy? He says he can get a friend to look at books.

Jack play’s Knight again and brings on his friend, Boomer, to look over the contracts and the accounting books and hopefully find a way out. Boomer says it’s over, best to sell as quick as possible.

Boomer is there and looking over the books.

Boomer plans to destroy her business. But he’s also feeling bad about it.

She gets a big job to prepare for an important formal event.

New maids have quit. Bills are due, the lights are literally going out; clients are cancelling left and right.

Deeper Layer: Abby can’t do this anymore, she’s falling apart. Jack offers to help.

Abby’s stress makes her symptoms worse.

Act 4:

Abby and Jack find out Boomer is behind the takeover.

Abby blames Jack for exposing their company info to Boomer and accuses Jack of being in on it. She breaks up with him.

Jack is devastated. He goes after Boomer.

Boomer deflects, lies and then says it’s all his father’s idea.

Lifelong friendships are on the line.

Abby has to pull off the big event by herself. She goes to the maids one last time and apologizes.

Resolution: Maids feel sorry for her and help her nail the big event.

Jack shows up at the event, IN A TUX… he can be cleaned up and neat!

The people the event is for are so impressed they give Abby a huge cleaning contract that will 10X the size of the business. Her Dad is well enough to come back.

Abby puts Rosa in charge to help her Dad.

Boomer is fired by his dad for not making the deal happen.

Boomer comes clean and apologizes.

Jack shows Abby his plans for her business. The Modular Pantry System.

Abby goes on her book tour, in front of TV audiences.

Father is coaching the kids and the family is in the bleachers watching the game, eating hotdogs, rooting for the kids.

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s – New Outline Beats

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others.

What I learned doing this assignment is working backwards can help to springboard new ideas or ones that you had forgotten, but hadn’t written down. Yes, there’s still room for improvement, but it all takes time.

Act 1: The Set Up

PJ1 Opening: Dan, a little fat kid watches other kids win races, be popular etc. He overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is.

Deeper Layer – Kyla has more to say, but Dan doesn’t hear it.

PJ2 Inciting Incident: Dan enrols to race, loses big time and is embarrassed at a foot race.

AJ1 Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possibly be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

PJ3 Turning Point: Kid prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything.

PJ4 Dan’s teenage years are hell as he realizes that he suffers from premature ejaculation and is the world’s fastest ejaculator.

PJ4A Show how being suffers from premature ejaculation ruins his life. He can’t do things people take for granted without ejaculating. Has to wear diaper pants. Can’t satisfy any woman. Relationships go one after the other. He tries hard to avoid having sex with anyone including the woman he’s dating an influencer.

2^nd AJ1 Kyla studies hard and is accepted to study as a sex therapist.

PJ5 As an adult, Dan is super-embarrassed and shamed when his girlfriend/influencer announces him to be the world’s worst lover. A long line of woman come forward to say how woeful, inadequate and selfish he is. He gets phone calls from people telling him what a loser he is. His life is hell and he gets a call from a woman wanting to talk to him about his sex life and he blows his stack and hangs up on her and blocks her number.

Deeper Layer – It is Kyla as an adult. She is concerned she rings back, but he ghosts her.

Act 2:

PJ6 Inciting Incident/New plan: Dan thinks his life is ruined and plans to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment that runs above his toilet. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position.

PJ 7 Dan ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he plans to try and OD on pills by getting another Inmate to give him her pills.

2^nd AJ 2 Kyla sees Dan in the psychiatric ward and hides her face from him. When he asks, she denies she knows him and he tells her about the phone call that drove him to suicide, later on she calls her psychiatrist – ‘I’ve got a big problem.’

3^rd AJ – Klya lies on the psychiatrist couch and tells her psychiatrist everything and that she has an ethical dilemma, she has feelings for Dan and has carried a torch for him for many years/decades. He is visibly frustrated.

4th AJ 2 Kyla’s psychiatrist tells her “It’s okay, I’ve got some tapes he can listen to and gives them to Dan to listen to before he goes to sleep.”

PJ8 Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward Dan tries to OD on pills, but they turn out to be laxettes and he falls off the toilet pan and is concussed and… he sees God.

Act 3:

AJ2 God is his primary school teacher from all those years ago. She reveals to him her problems of getting people to act decent, so where better than to try at a primary school where kids are young and not yet set in their ways.

PJ8 Dan threatens to out God/Mrs. Wagner, but she replies and where do you think that will get you? Dan realises he’ll end up right where he is now, perhaps on even stronger medication, he’ll never get out.

PJ8A Dan has dreams/nightmares involving Kyla. He has feelings for her.

PJ9 Dan rethinks everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

PJ10 New plan: Dan wants to get a lobotomy, that Psychiatrist is proposing as a long-term study.

5^th AJ2 Kyla learns that the Psychiatrist tape that he gave Dan starts off with calming ocean sounds, but then goes on about the benefits of getting a lobotomy/chemical castration. She goes to report him and he grabs her wrist. Psychiatrist reveals he loves Kyla and tries to get fresh. She busts him in the nose. He threatens to sack her. She lures him into telling what he has been doing and has captured it all on tape to be used against him.

PJ10 Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The hospital won’t let him do a lobotomy (Maybe he grabs a knife and tries to do it on himself?).

Act 4:

PJ11 New psychiatrist says Dan is cured and fine to leave the facility.

Deeper Layer – During the assessment Dan can see Mrs. Wagner/God, but has to keep his mouth shut otherwise he could be put on heavy medication and locked up for ever.

6^th AJ2 Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla reveals that she was also the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. She also reveals that she was the one on the phone & had been ringing to offer him free assistance, but he hung up on her. She reveals that she loves and wants to be with him.

PJ11 Resolution – Dan chooses to be happy and tells Kyla “On some level I’ve probably always loved you too. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out with her. She understands and agrees.

[Micki Hess]

Micki’s New Outline Beats!

My vision: Be recognized as a writer that will work with the industry and would do what it takes to be that WRITER.

What I learned from doing this assignment is by going back to the concept and looking for the plot holes, realizing I was not following the concept. So the new outline reflects off the concept.

The new one line outline:

Title: FIREWORKS

Act 1: Family wants the feud to end. Come up with a plan.

Inciting Incident: Dakota and Blake go up to the attic.

Act 2: Dakota looks for the tablecloth and looks through the highschool album.

Act 3: Dakota tells Blake she wants to end this feud. Blake accuses Dakota of being locked up in the attic.

Act 4: Dakota finds out it was Blake that caused the breakup and they start fighting.

Resolution: Dakota marries John.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s New Outline Beats.

Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: Examining the plot forwards, backwards and inside out showed me that I wasn’t challenging my lead character enough. Her journey was far too easy and needed more roadblocks. It’s still not where it ought to be, but that’s why it’s a good idea to let go of perfections. It is moving forward in its own imperfect way.

ACT 1: JAKI BURAN tends her toddler granddaughter, LILLY, while attempting online transcriptions.

Jaki gets a phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?

In the home’s common room, Jaki does a half-assed clown act when new resident, AJAX COLEMAN, is all but dragged in by his children.

Ajax “escapes.” Returns moments later with an old boom box and blasts an upbeat tune, his eyes on Jaki.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown acts and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror.

Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –

Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.

Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents love it, and Jaki’s all eyes for Ajax.

Jaki starts teaching dance classes. Ajax never fails to watch.

Ajax asks Jaki for a date, for dinner at the home. – she sees him as a cash cow, and she accepts. They have a nice time, but –

ACT 2: Jaki sees Ajax as a cash cow.

While Ajax is busy elsewhere, Jaki searches his room, finds expensive jewelry, cash.

Lilly toddles into the room, removes and envelope of cash, drops it where it can’t be found.

Rochelle finds Jaki and Lilly in Ajax’s room. Jaki tries to lie, says she was just looking for Lilly.

Jaki continues giving dance lessons to the residents – and flirting with Ajax.

Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.

Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her she can’t give dance lessons anymore – needs Jaki to watch her daughter.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.

Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.

Jaki and Ajax are about to celebrate, but Ajax can’t find the cash he had stowed, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this.

MIDPOINT/Act 3: Ajax cancels his date with Jaki, and she realizes how much she genuinely cares for him, but Rochelle bans her from the home.

Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.

Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.

Ajax finds his missing money.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records.

Ajax on his way to Jaki’s – he has a stroke, taken to the hospital with no ID on him.

Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.

Jaki visits hospitals until she finds Ajax. She’s about to call the home when –

Ajax’s family bursts in, accuses Jaki of causing the stroke.

ACT 4: Ajax released from hospital, refuses to return to the home, insists he’s going home with Jaki.

Ajax’s family threaten the assisted living home, Rochelle and especially Jaki – she has kidnapped Ajax.

Ajax’s family threaten to go to court and have him declared incompetent, meanwhile –

Jaki and Rochelle have an all out argument that manages to straighten out all their differences.

Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.

Jaki learns that she is a good caregiver, has the idea to apply for a job at the assisted living home while she continues her education to get a caregiver certification.

Jaki stands up to Ajax’s family – declare him incompetent. Take his money. I will care for him.

Jaki won’t let Ajax disown his family – they might be assholes, but they’re his assholes. Family is family.

RESOLUTION: Ajax proposes to Jaki. Rochelle is matron of honor at the wedding.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s New Outline Beats

Vision: My vision for my success in this program is to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that piecing together outline beats from various points of view and orgainizing it into a clear and readable document challenges the mind like putting together puzzle pieces by finding the best place they will fit.

Title: Ragman’s War

Genre: Action/Drama, based on true events

Concept: To prevent coal and iron police from massacring men, women, and children working a picket line, a WWI Silver Star recipient must, without detection, execute the rabid commander who violently dominates their community.

Opening: 1917 Battlefield in France, trenches, no man’s land, machine gun nests, mortar launchers.

1. American Sargent watches as a mortar shell explodes near his unit, bodies flying through the air.
He runs to a certain soldier, his brother, checks him out, and leaves him a canteen.
His brother makes him promise to “kill a few of the bastards.” <div>

2. Scouting in the near by woods, he watches a German officer leading his men towards a American position, the16 troops marching eyes front with none looking back.
The American, a sniper scout, during a deafening volley of mortar fire, picks off all the enemy soldiers from rear to front and waits, viewing the officer through his scope.

3. Leutnant Von Hundleshausen (2nd Lieutenant) waves his men forward before he turns, notices no one there, and retraces his steps.
He sees the bodies of his men strewn across the forest floor.

4. The Leutanant opens his arms and begs to be killed and die with honor.
When nothing happens, he puts a pistol to his head, but doesn’t pull the trigger.
He sinks to his knees, begs for death and curls into a fetal position.
The American sniper calls. “Feigling, lebe mit deiner Schande” and moves to another position.

Act 1

Beginning

April 1, 1927 – Russellton No. 2, PA , a mining village owned by Republic Steel.

1. Lunch bucket in hand, RAGMAN, a mine mechanic, kisses his wife LUDIE good-bye and joins other men walking to their shift.

2. The men debate about walking out in solidarity with the United Mine Workers strike.

3. Ragman declares being undecided. His gut tells him the strike will lead to war and he is finished with God, war, and killing. Either way he is out of a job.

4. Reluctant to get involved in the UMW called strike, Ragman walks out with the other men and moves his wife and two boys to his parent’s nearby farm.

5. Ragman visits his baby brother ALBERT, radical ex-marine and banned boxer, working at the Oakland Hotel at Conneaut Lake and gets hired as a groundsman.

6. HIs job lasts one day and 2 hours. The constant carping of the boss triggers Ragman who loses his temper and quits. After a heated debate of being fired or quitting and amount of money owed, the boss pays his wages plus a large bonus for a quick departure.

7. Ragman returns home. He and his father-in-law STAN pull their savings and buy a pick up truck. They decide to start a junk recycling business and become ragmen.

8. Stan continues to live in Russellton with his two youngest children BEN, age seventeen, and RIESE his fifteen year old daughter.

Inciting Incident:

1. An army of Coal and Iron Police, many of them Balwin-Felts, invade the region to break the strike. The brutal Commander, Herr Bucholtz, violently dominates the community.

2. He directs his men to search and confiscate firearms, monitor the train station and the few roads leading into the valley to supress organizers from coming into the town.

3. FLASHBACK: Bucholtz, trained and commissioned as a strike breaker in West Virginia receives a report from one of the detectives and maneuvers the agency to send him to the Russellton coalfields and promises a quick end to the strike. END FLASHBACK

4. Ragman tries to keep his distance from Bucholtz so not to be triggered; but, Bucholtz manages to cross his path. Ragman struggles, but maintains control.

5. Labor Day 1927, Ragman brings Stan and his children to a family picnic at the farm. On the way home, his truck is stopped and the trooper demands to see their ID passes. Ragman almost blows up but Ludie squeezes his arm, and the group get their passes.

6. When they arrive at Stan’s house they find a notice to attached to the house. It states anyone who does not sign a work agreement will be evicted. Stan tears it off and tramples it.

7. After Ludie complains about Bucholtz ogling her and his friendship with Ben, Ragman wonders why Bucholtz shows such an interest in his family.

8. After Stan finds an eviction notice and confiscation of property attached to his house, he asks Ragman to take him to the company office because he pays his rent.

9. Stan talks to the boss at the company office and thinks the problem is resolved. ERVIN, Ragman’s carpenter brother asks Ragman to drive him to the UMW district office in Pittsburgh to talk to Phil Murray.

10. At the office in Pittsburgh Ervin offers his services to teach and direct the building of barracks in Rusellton, the first to face eviction, if the union can provide lumber, nails, and roofing material. Pat Fagan, second in command to Murray, agrees and also asks Ervin if he could do the same for other mining town. Both men shake on the deal.

Turning Point:

1. To stop progress on the barracks building, Buchlotz lures Ervin to company property and savagely whips him. Bucholtz goes bezerk and stirkes repeated blows until Erving falls unconcious. the police leave his body in the mud and cold of the pouring rain.

2. Ragman finds his brother and brings him home. He and his mother clean the wounds until the company doctor DICKEY arrives.

3. Ervin forces Ragman promise to take over and complete the Russellton shelters before the deadline. A reluctant Ragman agrees knowing it will embed him into the union war.

4. Incensed and frustrated, Ragman throws rocks at a line of cans and yells profanities.

ACT 2:

New plan:

Ragman calls Albert home from Conneaut Lake and enlists his help to train the miners and finish the barracks.
Whenever, Bucholtz harasses Ragman to provoke a fight, he heeds his wife’s advice to squeeze his forarm as a reminder to reign in his temper so not to be arrested or killed.

Plan in action:

1. Bucholtz orders his men to sabatague the building site. They confiscate several rolls of tarpaper and roofing nails.

2. Ragman and Albert improvise by collecting nails from local farmers, alternating strips of tar paper, and using cardboard and newspaper covered by tar to fill in the gaps.

3. Bucholz becomes more obcessed with Ludie. The memory of the brutality Ervin’s beating haunts him.

4. Bucholtz receives a letter from his half-brother’s wife and learns that his father killed his mother before committing suicide. With the loss of everything that ever mattered to him, he gets drunk regularly. The alcohol and need for revenge fuel his delusions and desire for Ludie, confusing her with his dead love Mina. Bucholtz devises a plan for revenge and possessing Ludie.

Midpoint Turning Point:

1. Prior to auction day, Ragman helps his father-in-law Stan move to a house on private farm property.

2. Ludie, Reise, and Ben finish packing up the last belongings.

3. Bucholtz lurks nearby with three troopers and waits until Ragman and Stan leave.

4. They burst into the company house. Bucholtz tells two of his men to take the effeminate boy to the wagon road and have fun.

5. He orders the remaining trooper, BERNARD, to take the girl upstairs and enjoy her.

6. Alone with Ludie, Bucholtz pleads for her to love him. When she resists he knocks her unconcious, tenderly removes her clothing, and kisses each part of her before the rape. Afterward, he redresses Ludie and leaves hopeful she will bear his child.

7. Ludie makes Reise swear that they will keep the rapes secret from everyone to keep Ragman and Stan from confronting the madman and possible death.

8. Ragman and Stan return to find an hysterical Ludie and Reise. They cry about the police leading Ben from the house with a noose around his neck.

9. Ragman and Stan find a catatonic Ben, villified by the police. Stan sends the boy to Detroit to live with an older sister.

ACT 3:

Rethink everything:

1. Ragman sells his invention so he can buy his mother’s unfinished house in Springdale, a rivertown in order to move Ludie and his sons away from Russellton.

2. He assigns Albert to protect the recovering Ervin from Bucholtz.

New Plan:

1. Ervin leads the barracks building in Curtisville No. 2.

2. Bucholtz tricks Ervin onto company. He and his troopers surround his car and arrest him.

3. They take him to the Curtisvill lockup. A trooper ties Ervin to beam. Bucholtz lets his whip slice through Ervin’s shirt. When Ervin still shows no fear or reaction, Bucholtz watches the braid slice through the scars on his back. Bucholtz sees the devil in himself, throws down his weapon, and exits the jail.

4. A troope cuts Ervin down, helps him to the cell, and punches him in the midsection before throwing him inside.

5. When Ervin fails to show up at home, Ragman and Albert search for him. They decide to check the jail.

6. Ragman drives to a rail siding. They wait until dark and use a rail hand-car to slip quietly into Curtisville.

7. Shotgun in hand, Ragman brusts into the lockup with Albert at his side. A fight ensues, but Albert manages to deck all three guards. He locks them into the cell and escapes with Ervin and a deathly ill man sharing his cell.

8. Back in his quarters, Bucholtz downs a bottle of whiskey and sufferes vivid hallucinations before passing out.

9. FLASHBACK At wars end the shell-shocked Herman Von Hundleshausen ends up in a psychiatric hospital.

10. His father visits, claims Herman is not his son, orders him to stay away from the estate, not to contact his mother, and change his name. Herman decides to use Bucholtz, his mother’s maiden name.

11. After discharge, he travels to the town where Mina and his love child hoping to make a life with them but learns that they died in a house explosion.

12. Crazed Bucholtz gets into a drunken brawl, kills one and injures 2.

13. Police arrest him. His grandfather uses influence for Baldwin-Felts Agency to offer him a job in America, freedom if he accepts. End FLASHBACK

Midpoint Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

1. The injured Ervin takes ill and hospitalized. Albert takes over the Curtisville barracks with Ragman at Hamarville.

2. When Albert comes down with the same flu and unable to work and Ervin dies, Ragman gives up on the Harmarville project and the miners move into the unfinished barracks.

3. Ragman and Ludie learn that her younger sister Reise is pregnant. They send her to Detroit to live with another sister.

4. Tensions build between Ragman and Ludie as she sinks ever deeper into depression.

5. Things get worse after she returns from a two-week stay with her friend Dora. Ludie is thin, pale, and had cut off her lucious long hair.

5. Ragman feels useless to help her, throws more rocks, and practices throwing his hunting knife.

6. He knows if triggered by Bucholtz, he might kill the bastard. He struggles to avoid encounters with the man.

7. Bucholtz encounters a hag at the bus stop and recognizes her as Ludie, no longer beautiful. He confronts her a learns that she aborted the child.

8. Ragman visits Stan and Bernard shows up at the house looking for Reise. He declairs his love for her and worry. Ragman chastises him for knocking up Reise. Bernard tells him that Bucholtz seduced and impregnated her, prior to raping Ludie.

9. Triggered, Ragman runs out of the house towards the woods so not to kill anyone. He settles under a tree and everything falls into place.

10. When calm , Ragman returns and asks Bernard to spy on Bucholtz. Bernard agrees.

11. Ragman returns home and quick to move Ludie and the boys to Springdale, away from Bucholtz.

12. Executives at Republic Steel call Bucholtz on the carpet and issue a deadline to end the strike by any means. Pressured, he comes up with a brilliant but sadistic plan for revenge and victory.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

1. With his family safe in Springdale, Ragman travels to the barracks that night and confronts Bucholtz about raping Ludie and impregnating Reise. Bucholtz gets close to Ragman’s ear and confesses to being the 17th man and how much he will enjoy widow Ludie. He bites off Ragman’s earlobe, Ragman releases his hold, and Bucholtz chokes him with his whip.

2. The township constable, RUBE DEMBAUGH, shotgun in hand with several deputies, arrests Ragman before Bucholtz kills him.

3. Robbed from killing Ragman, Bucholtz goes bonkers, blungens a scab miner to death in a church cemetery, and blames it on the younger union supporting miners.

4. Two weeks before a planned union peaceful protest led by Albert against Republic’s use of untrained scab miners, Bernard shows up at Ragman’s house in Springdale.

5. He informs Ragman about the murder in the cemetary and Bucholtz arriving later at the barracks stark naked in the pouring rain. He also gives Ragman the journal written by Bucholtz showing details of his plan to use a machine gun to mow down the picket line of men, women, and children, after he first kills Albert.

6. Overwhelmed, Ragman calls his friend ANTHONY, at union headquarters to ask for help. Ragman thanks Bernard, writes down Reise’s address in Detroit, and gives him enough money to get there.

7. Anthony arrives an hour later and they devise a rational plan to kill Bucholtz without detection. Anthony reminds Ragman that to pull it off, he will need to redirect his anger into cunning and self-restraint. Anthony’s shares techniques. Ragman has less than two weeks to master control.

8. The night before the protest Ragman goads Albert into a fight, causing him to relapse, and tells him that Anthony is capable to replace him.

Resolution: April 1, 1928 Russellton No. 1 office of Republic Iron and Steel.

1. Ragman, disguised, hides in the crowd with his knife ready. The protest remains peaceful until an unsteady Bucholtz roars in on his horse. Pushing turns to shoving. Those on the picket line link arms. Anthony begins singing a solidarity song. The others join in.

2. Bucholtz notices the new leader, and the controlled crowd singing union songs. He signals his hidden thugs to ramp it up; small fights break out.

3. Ragman moves in for the kill, but the mob pushes him too far away. Ragman skirts around the group to the hillock accross the street.

4. Bucholtz aims his gun at Anthony, the shot a signal for the machine gunner to open fire.

5. Ragman improvises, grabs a large rock at his feet, and hammers it towards Bucholtz; it smashes into his back. The shot goes wild barely missing the machine gunner. Spooked, the horse rears up and dumps its rider. Hooves bash his head, his body trampled before the frightened beast bolts from the crowd.

6. Stunned, police and protesters freeze in silence. Ragman slips under the mob, removes his outer clothing, and appears later from a different direction.

7. A nearby officer checks on Bucholtz and declairs him dead. Everyone cheers. Problem solved.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Rebecca Sukle.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Rebecca Sukle.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Rebecca Sukle.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ’s New Outline Beats

Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas. I will be produced and hired to write projects that get produced.

WIL: Still have a hole or two to smooth out but really like the “look back” and “look forward” approach – very powerful!

Title: MEMORY HUNTERS

Concept:

In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.

Assignment

Opening scene – Nightmare – Mya 8 yrs old – kidnapped – current favorite of the psycho while he tortures others – he makes her watch so she knows what will happen to her. Psycho BRANDS his victims.

PJ Beginning: Mya wakes from nightmare – headache / disoriented – fights with her sister and refuses to deal with her childhood trauma to the point she has a brain tumor. Her sister wants her to go back to the doctor for treatment.

Mya meets with JASON friend on hover boards – he helps her focus and “knows” her – she turns to him for support on way to work

Mya works for Memory Retrieval company –

Surface Layer: Mya helps others recover lost memories to find family heirlooms, documents even some companies to help find where money has been “stashed” and acct numbers to retrieve the embezzled money.

Mya and Terry discuss techniques as Mya tries to learn the complexities of minds that know they are being ‘searched’ – more work to differentiate between REAL vs Fake – VS implanted phony memories – yes that is now a thing

Terry relates a story where a subject threw naked women at him – not know he was gay trying to hide his information. (Fun scene – but was originally going to have Terry be Catherine’s lover – maybe he is Bi- and this is how he fools Mya!)

AJ Beginning: Catherine gives press conference in break through tech – announces new contract with FBI -during press conference she saves a dog from an abusive owner

PJ Inciting Incident: Mya finds anomalies in the system logs where criminals are being visited off hours

Deeper Layer: Mya is looking for a way to forget her childhood traumatic memories when she was abducted by psychopath and tortured – she eventually escaped but not before seeing those who died before her and heard their cries / pleas.

Another Experienced MH (Memory hunter) comes out of the mind of the psychopath – he is shattered – sick… mind almost broken… SETs STAGE!

AJ Inciting Incident: She overhears Mya confront her boss Frank Yorgen about the log anomalies – Catherine steps in and buries the reports

Catherine call Terry to her office – they discuss future opportunities…. In a way that only later provides more background. – COVER THEIR TRACKS

Mya meets with a family – She explains the process – the 3 rules of memory hunting – basics etc… The son is frustrated with his mother; she’s forgotten where the Will and Testament and family valuables are – he is rude and threatening to Mya

Influences Surface Story: Mya studies the logs and videos to learn how subjects have hidden their memories so she can learn how to “hide” her memories

PJ Turning Point 1: Mya keeps digging and her sister is kidnapped/ threatened that Mya needs to back off. – THIS STILL NEEDS WORK – TOO OBVIOUS TO DO THIS….

Mya goes into the old woman’s mind – see’s the son’s abuse of him mother

AJ Turning Point 1: Catherine moves Mya’s training up to more aggressive criminals / minds

Hints: Why Mya is scouring the logs – her conversations with Terry the Sr. on the team. Why would someone access a mind outside protocol? Terry drops hints to mislead Mya.Terry is working with Catherine – he drops hints about the logs and Frank- as a red herring

Act 2: Catherine decides to use her access to set Mya up as the one wrongfully using the system

Hints: Why Mya is scouring the logs – her conversations with Terry the Sr. on the team.

PJ Act 2: Mya fights back by proving she wasn’t at work when her access was used – but it costs her – she was at the doctor’s for the brain tumor and that comes out

PJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mya is put in the mind of a psychopath

AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mya has Terry switch Mya from embezzler to Psychopath

PJ Act 3: Mya must face her fears from her childhood

Major Reveal: The psychopath is the one who kidnapped her as a child, and she is the only living survivor – he has made a deal to finally get the one who got away in return he eliminates the CEO’s problem.

Mya sees where psycho was tormented by his sister – driving him to seek vengeance on young girls who looked like his sister –

At first Mya tries to make amends as “sister” but realizes that he was broken even as a child the sister was the one who saw it – he killed her for it – he continues to kill girls like her to stop her from telling on him

Using this plus her own experience – Mya pushes back and turns the psycho’s mind back on himself – all the inadequacies that his sister called out – back on him

PJ Turning Point 3: Mya fights back and destroys the mind of the psychopath

Changes Reality: When she comes face to face with the psychopath she initially spirals out of control and then learns she must face her memories and deal with them to be able to move past them.

Act 3: Catherine reports Mya as incompetent and Mya’s fault she went into the wrong mind after Mya survives – disoriented Mya is sent home on suspension pending review… Jason is there to help center her.

Jason helps Mya to break into the system

Hints – Mya is misled by Terry’s comments which points her to accuse FrankChange in Reality – Mya must face her childhood and use that to save herself

PJ Act 4 Climax: Mya confronts Frank Yorgen at a press conference – and is proven wrong.

Mya remembers something from her own experience – when she first took the reported anomalies into Frank – someone else was in the room – Catherine

PJ Turning Point 3: Catherine uses Mya’s accusation of Frank against her – fires Mya

AJ Act 4 Climax: Mya confronts Catherine – who thinks she’s gotten away with it

PJ Resolution: Mya remembers a memory from psychopath’s mind and realizes that it was Terry and CEO – she sends Terry into destroyed mind of Psychopath and destroys CEO. (what does that mean- need to define)

AJ Resolution: Catherine is exposed to the media

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…the three processes helped me fill in the missing beats of my beat sheet. Reading the beat sheet backwards really helps!

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

New Outline Beats

ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!

Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green good oozes onto her and her clan and they come alive!

Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!

Tara PJ 1: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree.

A cop and a few people laugh at Tara.

Tara PJ 2: Tara is annoyed when Davy crashes Tara’s pool party with Clare and Max.

Davy makes a pest out of himself.

Tara hurls a softball and Davy falls in the pool in the dunking booth.

Davy redeems himself by fixing the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches.

It starts to rain and the group runs inside.

Davy grabs the remote and switches to Prime and orders THEM!

Tara is annoyed with Davy but Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.

Davy asks for peanut butter to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him, appalled.

Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM!

Tara switches the movie to a Rom/Com.

Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM!

Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest.

Tara says it rhymes with pest.

Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour and remind her she’s a backup driver.

Tara’s Mom shows her a map for tour.

Tara turns red and changes the subject.

Deeper Layer: Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.

Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother.

At the garden club, a sign says WELCOME TO THE RANCHO SAN DIEGO GARDEN CLUB HOME TOUR!

A group of ladies and men are gathered there, getting into cars for the tour.

Tara’s Mom and Dad are organizing the day.

Tara’s Mom gets a call. Her best friend, Ellie, is sick and can’t drive the tour.

Tara’s Mom calls Tara and tells her she has to drive to take Ellie’s place.

INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.

Tara PJ 4: Tara has a slight cold and has to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour.

Meg makes up a green shake spirulina drink for Tara and she makes her a green shake.

Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.

Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging.

Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.

Davy gets quiet and says his parents have abandoned him.

Meg says Davy has an active imagination.

TURNING POINT 1: The storm starts, the map blows out the window and Tara’s cell phone goes dead.

Tara makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned country club NAME.

ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are 8 feet tall.

Big Betty sniffs the air and says she smells brunch!

Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she tries to run away.

Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia.

Tara PJ 6: Tara is amazed when Meg seems to know her way around the country club.

Tara follows Meg and Davy to the main lobby.

Tara and Davy get scared when she hears loud eating and growling sounds.

They tries to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast.

Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan.

Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty dips her long fingers in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws and arrow pointing upward.

The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara falls into the secret staircase and the tunnel, followed by Meg and Davy.

Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!

Tara PJ 8: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all and is petrified and can’t speak.

Davy tries to be brave and charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.

The other Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives.

Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway.

Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the exit is blocked by Big Betty.

Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor!

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.”

Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here.”

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse.

Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then takes a swig and says green is her new fave color!

Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red.

Big Betty gets mean and scary.

Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.

The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and the group.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!

Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.

Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down.

Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.

Tara PJ 11: Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.

Tara and the group run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as they run down the tunnel.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and stop by a big pool filled with palm fronds.

Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding!

Tara PJ 12: Tara runs down a hallway off the lobby and the group follows her.

Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and they hide in there.

In the kitchen, Tara and the group discover a makeshift lab with green goo.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Meg breaks down and tells Tara that she owns the country club and the story behind the green goo.

Big Betty finds their hiding place in the kitchen.

Big Betty lures Davy out into the hallway by telling him she has some Butterfingers she found in an old vending machine.

Big Betty snatches Davy as he screams for help!

ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool full of palm fronds.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!

Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in a grassy area near the pool.

Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.

Tara PJ 13: Tara rescues Davy from the pool WITH WHAT?

Tara and Davy run back to the kitchen lab where Meg is mixing potions.

Climax: Tara PJ 14: Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club.

Meg says was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow!

Climax: Tara PJ 15: Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on a plant and it’s dying fast.

Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG.

A clock shows 11:55 a.m.

It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice.

The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.

Big Betty motions to giant SOMETHING THAT WILL SERVE AS A SOUP POT.

It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.

Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes put on a dance song.

They begin to dance around the totem.

The hour is 12 pm and the sun casts a shadow mark on the totem.

Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!

Tara PJ 16: Tara and the group go outside and start hurling the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.

The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty.

Big Betty is too smart to eat the balls.

Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them.

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.

Big Betty fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy.

Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine.

Big Betty grabs Tara and threatens to throw her in the soup pot.

Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!

Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty mocks Tara and tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.

Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat!

Big Betty tells Tara she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her.

Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze.

Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!

Tara grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her pocket and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.

Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball and dies instantly!

Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!

Tara and the group sit on the fountain by the main entrance, wondering what to do next.

A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!

The sun clears the clouds away and Davy pulls out his cell phone and hands it to Tara.

Tara calls her parents to pick them up.

Tara asks Davy why he didn’t use his cell phone earlier.

Davy said he was having too much fun to spoil the day!

Tara starts to sneeze.

Meg laughs and pulls out a water bottle and a packet of spirulina and mixes it up and hands it to Tara and SAYS THE FUNNY REPEAT PHRASE.

One month later: Inside the kitchen lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.

The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eating away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive.

[Tracy Lawson]

Tracy’s New Outline Beats

I will do whatever it takes to become a successful author and screenwriter with multiple successful screenplays produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is you have to fill in the gaps with something that will cause each of the beats to occur. I am so glad I used Screenwriting U techniques when I wrote the novel, because now it’s easy to see the progression in the beats.

ACT
1:
Anna is home in Virginia with the
family; her husband Benjamin is away at the war. Anna decides to take
supplies to him at Valley Forge.

Anna PJ1: Anna misses Benjamin.

Benjamin PJ1: (Flashback) Benjamin decided to enlist without consulting Anna and convinces her to take the children to live at her uncle’s house while Benjamin is away, even though she is estranged from her family.

Hints: Anna is
estranged from her family, but she and her children must live with them
while Benjamin is away. She did not marry for money or social position,
but for liberty. Her husband lets her run her own life. They are equals.
She is an abolitionist and treats her uncle’s enslaved servants with
kindness.

Inciting
Incident:
Benjamin’s older brother Thomas, who deserts from the army, comes to tell Anna
their other brother, Baylis, is dead of smallpox. He brought the body home
and tells her of the privations there. Everyone is starving and many have
no warm clothes.

Anna
PJ2:
Anna faces the reality of losing family not just in battle, but to
disease.

William AJ1: William disparages the army for losing so many battles, baiting Thomas. Thomas replies that the Continentals still have plenty of fight left in them.

Deeper Layer: William is part of a smuggling ring that takes supplies meant for the army and uses them to outfit and arm British POWs.

Anna PJ3: Anna, worried about the soldiers, begins to collect clothing and blankets to send.

William AJ2: William tells Anna her efforts are no use. The supplies will be stolen or lost and at any rate won’t be enough to help. She should not waste her time.

Turning
Point 1:
Anna receives a letter from Benjamin. Her brothers are ill. He does not
have a coat. She cannot trust that supplies she sends will reach them in
time—if at all. Unless she brings them herself.

Anna
PJ4:
Anna decides to take the supplies to Valley Forge herself.

Hints: As a girl, Anna furthered
her own education, reading books on the sly. She learned healing and
midwifery from an enslaved woman. She was required to “fit in” at her
uncle’s gatherings of the planter class but felt more at home with the
poorer friends of her brother. She has always been strong enough to obtain
what she wanted.

William
AJ3:
William supports her decision, though Anna’s mother begs her not to go. He
offers to bankroll the trip if she will deliver a payment to his business
associate on the way.

Deeper
Layer:
To save her husband, Anna leaves her children with her relatives and puts
herself in peril. She may not survive the journey.

Genre
Convention:
Interpersonal high stakes: Anna must save her husband’s life so her
children won’t be at the mercy of the orphan’s court. It is better that
she sacrifices herself.

Major
Reveal:
If her husband and brothers die, her uncle will get control of Anna and
her children and will take the children from her and put them in
indentures or have them raised by other people who can afford it.

Genre
Convention:
Influences Surface Story Anna was orphaned as a child when her father
died, and the same uncle removed her and two of her brothers from the home
and put them in apprenticeships and indentures, making it impossible for
Anna’s mother to keep the family farm.

Act
2:
Anna rides out alone with the supplies, full of confidence. She is
surprised that she is presumed to be a prostitute or a spy by people she
meets, because she is a woman traveling alone.

Anna
PJ5:
When she delivers her uncle’s payment to his business associate, she
overhears the payment is to finance a smuggling operation to arm British
POWs.

William
AJ4:
William, as part of the smuggling operation, has done a dishonorable thing
to preserve his personal wealth. He has de facto put his four nephews and
his niece in greater danger.

Deeper
Layer:
When his older brother died, William could not support the two families on
his own. He was forced to send his niece and nephews to an indenture and
apprenticeships. Vows to earn enough that his family never has to suffer
like this again

Anna
PJ6:
Anna tries to catch and expose the smugglers, but while in pursuit, she
falls in the Potomac at the ferry crossing and nearly drowns.

Anna
PJ7:
Highwaymen catch her alone on the road. Before they harm her, she is
rescued by Hessian soldiers and an unassuming older man, a baker who is a
spy for the Continentals. He accompanies her on the road and teaches her
survival skills.

Deeper
Layer:
She is constantly accused of doing something dishonest while she’s traveling.
She is trying to undo the wrong done by her uncle, who was the dishonest
one.

Deeper
Layer:
She has heard Hessians are brutes, but they rescue her from other Americans
who are about to rob and assault her. She confronts and examines her
personal prejudices.

Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: When she stops
for the night at York, her first night on her own again, a congressman
asks her to carry a secret message to Gen. Washington warning him of a
conspiracy.

Deeper
Layer:
Influences
Surface Story: She began her journey full of confidence but is shot down
by people’s assumptions over and over, until they are true. Then she must
learn to deflect and lie, and really be a spy.

Major
Reveal: When Anna is asked to carry the secret message to General
Washington, she has the skills she needs to be a spy.

Genre
Convention:
Does Anna have the wherewithal to thwart the conspiracy against General
Washington? The pressure is on her to keep the secret.

Act
3:
Anna leaves at dawn the next day.

Henchman
AJ1:
He searches other riders who could be carrying the message, and zeros in
on Anna. Confronts her, intimidating, and demands the message back.

Anna
PJ8:
Anna denies she has the message and refuses to let him search her. She
spurs her horse and evades the Henchman.

Anna PJ9: Anna relies on her recent experience and the skills taught her by the baker/spy. She hides; she bribes a ferryman to give her a head start and leave the henchman on the shore. While crossing the river, she realizes she’s sharing the ride with the smugglers.

Anna PJ10: Anna must delay her flight to notify the authorities of the smugglers.

Henchman AJ2: Henchman and Anna end up at the same tavern that evening.

Layering: Changes Reality: Anna travels disguised as a boy. She is now a courier, a saboteur, and adventurer.

Anna PJ11: She changed into her husband’s clothes, and in the dim light, he does not recognize her. She drugs his food and removes one of his horse’s shoes to slow him down and make her escape.

Turning
Point 3:
As she nears Valley Forge, worrying about both her missions, she passes a
field hospital and stops to make sure her brothers aren’t there. She stays
too long, and the Henchman catches up. She eludes him again, and barely
beats him to the picket line at Valley Forge.

Act
4 Climax:
When she demands to see General Washington, the soldiers on guard laugh at
her. When she persists, they accuse her of being a spy. The Henchman shows
himself and exchanges gunfire with the soldiers, but he escapes. They take
Anna into custody, unsure if she’s part of some larger plot.

The soldiers are walking her to headquarters under armed escort when they pass Benjamin on the path. She recognizes him, and together, they convince the soldiers she is telling the truth. They meet with Gen. Washington together. He accepts the message but does not read it. Has she failed?

Resolution: She has a long-awaited reunion with
Benjamin and her brothers, who are still sick but recovering. Gen.
Hamilton tells her the message was read and was useful. She is offered an
escort home, with Benjamin as part of the detail.

On the way, they meet the congressman again, and he fills in more details about the corruption in Congress. She witnesses Lafayette’s great display of loyalty to Washington.

[Jack Purdie]

Jack P’s New Outline Beats

I am absolutely capable of plotting my story!

MY VISION: I will do whatever it takes to write a produced script that is recognized by the industry and leads to multiple successful movies.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM THIS LESSON IS: Moving back in forth in my storyline/beats helps to clarify the story. This is a lot like proofreading. I’m still not sure I can distinguish between Outline, Plot, Beats etc.

2. Starting from the beginning –

A. Are there any logic jumps?

Answer: No major logic jumps

B. Is the focus on the lead character’s journey?

Answer: Yes

C. Does it feel like anything is missing?

Answer: Yes. I added a scene to fill one major gap.

3. Work backwards –

A. Look back from each beat to make sure there is logical progression.

Answer: Yes

B. Made some changes in beat progressions to set them up better.

Answer: OK

4. Go to major events and ask –

A. What has to be in place for these events to happen?

Answer: OK checked backwards

B. What change will this event cause in the rest of the story?

Answer: OK for events to change future events

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s NEW OUTLINE BEATS

ONE- SENTENCE VISION FOR MY SUCCESS AFTER THIS PROGRAM:

To get my screenplay “Angels in Gangland” sold and produced. Then, I want to become a great writer who delivers more entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?

Exhaustive review of an Beat Sheet tests the story and firms it up.

2. START AT THE BEGINNING OF THE OUTLINE, MOVE THROUGH IT TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY OBVIOUS MISSING BEATS. IF SO, ADD THEM.

TITLE: “ANGELS IN GANGLAND”

LOU TASCA PROTAGONIST JOURNEY.

RABBI SOLOMON LEVINSKY (PROTAGONIST 2 JOURNEY) Spirit guide to Lou Tasca.

TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST JOURNEY) Mob boss who ordered Lou’s execution

BEGINNING: The slain gangster, Lou Tasca (PJ) narrates the story: “My name is Lou Tasca. I was a gangster, now I’m dead. This is my story”

At Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club, Mob boss, Crazy Tony Rizzo (AJ) orders Carlo Vizzini to whack Lou Tasca (PJ) on the false charge that he spills their Giordano Family secrets to members of other Crime Families. He sends Lou and Carlo out to Russian crime boss, Oleg Oransky, in his Trump Tower apartment, to pick of a cash envelope of Tony’s cut from their gasoline bootlegging racket. They meet an ex-KGB officer Dmitri who oddly wears a New York Mets Baseball cap (strange for a Russian Vor (Russian: criminal). On the way back to the Playhouse, Carlo whacks Lou, says a prayer using the Rosary he keeps in his shoulder holster. Then, he returns with the cash to the Playhouse. Tony assures Carlo that for his slaying of Lou, he will become a Made Man.

A NARRATIVE MONTAGE (RATHER THAN TELL IT, SHOW IT): Lou introduces the characters of his mob associate Sam Levinsky and his father Rabbi Solomon Levinsky who disowned his son when he became an associate of the Giordano Crime Family. Likewise, to answer the question of how crime entered the devoutly Jewish family Rabbi Levinsky: He declined being a pulpit rabbi and worked as an accountant in the mafia-ridden Garment District in NYC, where he once ministered to a dying gangster and his Uncle Max was a member of the Bugs-Meyer Mob when they cracked Nazi skulls at the Madison Square Garden Nazi rally and ran guns to the Haganah in Palestine. They regarded Max as a hero for protecting the Jewish community.

INCITING INCIDENT: In the hereafter (between two worlds) Lou meets his old neighbor Rabbi Solomon Levinsky (P2J) who will be Lou’s spirit guide. Solomon (P2J) tells Lou that because of his life of crime, he cannot advance to the World to Come. His only hope is to go back on a mission to persuade his killer, Carlo, to quit the mob, flip, and join the Witness Protection Program. If successful, then, Lou would advance to the World to Come. Lou also learns the real reason that Lou hade him whacked:

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): The real reason Tony (AJ) wanted Lou (PJ) eliminated is that he owes him $200,000 in gambling debts – not because of the false charge that Lou spills secrets to other Crime Families.

TURNING POINT 1: Rabbi Solomon (P2J) also tells Lou (PJ)that he wants a collateral good: That if Lou can persuade Carlo to quit the mob, Solomon’s apostate son, Sam, a Giordano Family associate will follow Carlo and do likewise. They leave on their mission which will begin at Carlo’s 30^th Birthday Party, in his Manhattan apartment.

ACT 2: Against Rabbi Solomon’s (P2J) guidance, instead of seeking a private time with Carlo, Lou (PJ) crashes the party and appears to Carlo, unseen by others. However, Carlo’s panicked reaction, plus, claiming to see the ghost of Lou Tasca convinces his boss, Tony Rizzo (AJ) that Carlo is insane, and therefore a liability to the mob who needs to be eliminated. Meanwhile, Tony (AJ) already (rightly) suspects Carlo and Sam of the mob world’s capital offense of dealing drugs on the side. Tony (AJ) calls Russian mob boss Oleg Oransky, his partner in a gasoline bootlegging racket to have his ex-KGB henchmen investigate Carlo and Sam to confirm his suspicions or prove them unfounded. Oleg agrees and promises a sitdown with Tony to discuss the findings.

Meanwhile, Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé and a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club) believes Carlo’s ghost story and calls her pole dancing partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper to do a séance to remove Lou’s spirit from the apartment. Sam, the skeptic, leaves the apartment although he tells Carlo and Sherrie to call, if they need him. Although he lets them know he wants nothing to do with a séance with Zoey because she is Tony Rizzo’s (AJ) mistress and he believes things will get crazier or even dangerous.

TURNING POINT 2: Solomon (P2J) and Lou (PJ) realize that Zoey will only prove to be a hindrance to their mission to save Carlo and Sam. To tell Zoey to bud out, Solomon teaches Lou how to spirit-possess Carlo to tell Zoey to get lost. She ends the séance, and quits the Playhouse, and Tony but not without first sharing her experience with close associates of Tony and some of the other strippers, including an always inquisitive stripper named Michelle.

REVEAL: Michelle Ippolito the stripper is an undercover FBI agent spying on Tony Rizzo.

ACT 3. The Séance which is interrupted from the beginning by the spirit of a fan of Zoey from another club who doesn’t realize he’s dead and then, a familiar spirit aquainted with Zoey since she learned mediumship in Egypt. Finally, Lou (PJ), coached by Solomon (PJ) spirit-possesses Carlo and convinces Zoey to bud out as she will interfere with Lou and Solomon’s mission to save Carlo’s life and soul.

TURNING POINT 3: Sherrie believes Lou (PJ) and his message to quit the mob and turn to Witness Protection – she has wanted Carlo to quit. Then she realizes that Carlo killed Lou and leaves Carlo, breaking their engagement. Carlo leaves a voice mail with Sam to come over, as he needs his support. This looks ideal that they get Sam and Carlo together and maybe get both of them to quit the mob at the same time, but Lou and Solomon both know, Tony Rizzo could reach them first, with a gun.

ACT 4 CLIMAX Oleg and Tony (AJ) have their sitdown. Oleg tells Tony that his men found Carlo and Sam clean of drug dealing. Tony rejects their conclusion and plans to kill them. Oleg offers to bring in two assassins from Russia to poison them or kill them by sniper fire. Tony says he wants to do it quickly by himself. Oleg plays a tape of Don Primo Giordano dissing Tony and Tony decides he’ll create his own family, but without the crazy Carlo and Sam who are dealing drugs.

REVEAL: Oleg is revealed to be an FBI informant and speaks to his handlers on the phone, i.e., Michelle Ippolito and Dave Moore, who was Dmitri in an earlier scene, as was Michelle Ippolito who spied on Tony undercover as a stripper at Tony’s Playhouse.

Now they are resolved to save Carlo and Sam’s lives and persuade them to flip. Solomon (PJ) overhears Oleg and the FBI agent’s conversation and returns to Carlo’s apartment. Where Solomon spirit-possesses Carlo and warns Sam and Carlo to save their lives and flip. There is a conflagration of Sherrie, Oleg, Tony (AJ) and the FBI who try to persuade Tony also to join Witness Protection. Sherrie and Tony also recognize FBI agent Michelle Ippolito as the inquisitive stripper at the Playhouse. Tony resists their appeal to him to flip until Tony’s wife Lisa appears.

DEEPER LAYER (REVEAL): In addition to the other heretofore undercover FBI agents and iinformants, it is now revealed that Lisa Rizzo (Tony’s wife) has been an FBI informant.

ACT 4 CLIMAX (CONT’D) Lisa says she will forgive Tony (AJ) for all his infidelities if for the well-being of their marriage, their children, and their future, he would join the Witness Protection Program. Tony (AJ) agrees.

RESOLUTION: Escorted by FBI agents Dave Moore and Michelle Ippolito, Carlo and Sam, Oleg, Sherrie, Tony and Lisa exit to their destination in FBI custody and the Witness Protection Program while Lou (PJ) and Rabbi Solomon (P2J). Their mission accomplished Lou (PJ) and Solomon (P2J) also de-materialize headed to the World to Come, which Lou has now well earned.

DEEPER LAYER: There is a world beyond and it intersects with this world here and now, but people do not see it

[Lori Lance]

Lori Lance’s New Outling Beats

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: Looking at the beats backward helped me to think about setups and payoffs.

Genre: Family Comedy

Title: New Mom or AI Mom

Act 1: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share her enthusiasm.

PJ 1: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. She contemplates how things could go wrong.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands and places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and she assigns herself a family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers them a two-week free trial.

Inciting Incident: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family.

PJ 2: Brad is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect mom and fails terribly.

Act 2: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently.

PJ 3: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates.

AJ 3: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage.

Triangle J: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her.

Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: Brad misses his wife.

AJ 4: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J: Claire is worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Claire goes on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. She questions her choice of going back to work.

Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Deeper Layer: Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Deeper Layer: The Logans will have to put differences aside and work together for a common goal.

Triangle J: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened.

Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for.

Act 4 Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow.

AJ 6: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Deeper Layer: The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Resolution: The family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive, but something’s not right about Claire. Is she the real Claire? The audience is left with the question, has Claire been replaced.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lori Lance.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Lori Lance.

[Linda Anderson]

Linda Anderson’s New Outline Beats!

Vision for your success from this program:

Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I don’t have a clue whether or not I did this right, but I’m letting go of perfectionism and posting it!

Plot of “Ticket to Live” as of 7-18-22

Act 1:

Opening:

Allen, as a rookie police officer in Atlanta, is ambushed by a criminal in the night aiming a gun at his head. His mentor/trainer, Bruce, tells him on the police radio that nothing is as important as going home.

Ten years later in Minneapolis, the opening image is shown to actually be Allen’s PTSD nightmare/memory. His wife, Linda, jumps out of bed for her safety and gently wakes him.

Inciting Incident:

A black cocker spaniel is abandoned on a lonely highway on a dark and rainy night. A couple of bikers on Harleys pick him up and dump him at an animal shelter.

Allen and Linda visit the shelter and impulsively adopt the abandoned dog. They discover he hates the name Harley so on their first walk, he rolls in a pile of leaves, and they name him Leaf.

Turning Point 1:

Leaf turns their home into a war zone, growls at strangers, chases the family’s cats. Allen and Linda go to the coffee shop and instead of how they used to talk about their business to-do lists, their only topic is Leaf and how to deal with his behavior.

Leaf howls like a wolf on cold and snowy Minnesota nights, waking up with PTSD dreams of his terrors. Allen walks Leaf. They come home and Allen holds Leaf in his arms in the recliner, in his office and sings a soothing song to him until Leaf stops trembling and falls asleep.

The groomer is poised to refuse seeing Leaf until she watches him and Linda on a walk, and Linda shows love to this emotionally damaged dog. The vet labels Leaf as fear aggressive and mussels him for treatments. If he bites someone, they risk animal control taking him away or even, euthanizing him.

Allen takes Leaf to the pet store where Leaf chooses what appears to be his first toy. When they come home, Leaf carries the toy everywhere and puts it on the front-room picture window ledge as if to attract a friendly dog walking by the house.

On a phone call with an animal communicator, she tells Allen and Linda that Leaf is confused. He tells her, “I got left.” His body language shows he’s feeling shame during the call.

At Allen’s day job with coworker Jose, he gets a call from his doctor who tells him he has a brain aneurysm that could burst at any time and requires brain surgery. The news reignites fears of becoming like his angry and abusive father, debilitated by a stroke for the rest of his life.

Act 2:

New plan:

Allen creates “The Memo” with factual information to keep Linda from being emotional and crying about the brain surgery. Linda freaks out but stoically pulls herself back together.

Linda talks with bf, Arlene, about what’s about to happen as her life blows up.

Leaf kisses Linda for the first time.

Allen and Linda visit the young-looking “Doogie Howser” neurosurgeon. The doctor tells Allen a sonogram showed he also has a blood clot, aimed at his heart, that could kill him instantly.

Plan in action:

Allen talks to bf, Bob, with his version of a very private guy talking to a friend. He asks Bob to take care of Linda if he dies.

Allen stuffs down his emotions with methodical plans for his demise. He takes breaks by focusing on helping Leaf with the dog’s PTSD and abandonment terrors.

Allen has realistic flashbacks of violent police incidents and fights with his abusive father. They cause him to wonder if he deserves to live.

He creates “The Manual” to show Linda how to do everything with bills, passwords, etc. in case she becomes a widow. Linda has a meltdown when Allen gives her The Manual.

With two surgeries (for blood clot and brain aneurism) to deal with, Allen and Linda juggle their home business of writing popular animal books, dealing with all of Leaf’s issues, and Allen’s day job that requires extensive travel. Linda, workaholic and perfectionist, is overwhelmed. They have lost all work-life balance—if they ever had it. She says there’s no time for play when Allen suggests they take dance lessons.

Linda and Allen coach Arlene and her husband, Aubrey, on coming to the house, without Leaf going ballistic, to take care of him and the other pets on the day of Allen’s blood-clot surgery.

Allen has a dream about the pain involved in having an IV filter inserted in his primary vein to keep the blood clot from traveling to his heart or brain. He wakes up to Bob calling to tell him he had the same dream that night and knows what he’s about to go through.

Midpoint Turning Point 2:

Allen has realistic dream of being denied a Ticket to The Building of Life, showing he won’t survive the surgery.

Allen tells Linda the dream with Leaf listening. Afterwards, Leaf tears up slivers of newspaper and tries to give him the pieces. Linda and Allen don’t know why and make him stop.

Act 3:

Rethink everything:

Leaf has an internal battle between whether he’ll choose love or power. Allen saves alpha Leaf from an attack by “Jaws” at dog park. He watches when Leaf falls in love with “Ethel.”

Allen gets news that his mentor, Bruce, has been shot and killed while in the line of duty. Bruce didn’t make it back home. Will Allen?

New plan:

Allen opens up to Linda and talks to her about how he’s really feeling. He overcomes his reluctance to “worry” loved ones and calls his grown children, mother, and sister in Atlanta and asks them to be there for his surgery.

He observes Leaf’s innate survival skills and growing capacity for empathy when he’s nice to a feeble old man at dog park. Together Leaf and Allen watch a long train go by and Allen releases his fears to let the train cars take them away.

Allen diverts his attention from the upcoming brain surgery by taking beautiful photos and videos of Leaf and posting them on social media. A Leaf fan base begins to form.

Allen and Linda, with Nurse Arlene’s instructions about what pre-surgery questions to ask, visit the neurology unit’s head nurse. They give her a basket of their pet books for her and the staff.

Turning Point 3:

Huge failure / Major shift:

With family now in Minneapolis, they go to Red Lobster for what his sister, Gail, calls his “last meal.” Allen promises after the surgery, he’ll say “Red Lobster” to Gail so she knows his brain is still functioning.

At the hospital, Allen takes off his wedding ring and gives it to Linda. He visits his loved ones in the waiting room so they can all say good-bye. In the waiting-room fish tank, he’s shocked to glimpse a quick flash of Leaf with a sliver of newspaper in his mouth.

Seconds before Allen goes under for the surgery, he sees in his mind’s eye, Leaf delivering his ticket to The Building of Life. Realizes the newspaper slivers Leaf had been trying to give him at home were the dog’s attempt at delivering the ticket.

The surgery is a nail-biter—much more involved and taking longer than expected. A Code Blue call to the operating room makes Linda think Allen is dying. Arlene and Linda go to the chapel and pray.

Linda is grateful Allen survived after the doctor tells her what a difficult surgery it turned out to be with the brain aneurysm looking as if it could burst at any time.

Allen’s visitors come into ICU one at a time. When Gail comes, Allen says, “Red Lobster.” Linda calls Bob to tell him Allen survived.

Act 4:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

The head nurse comes in to check on Allen and tells him how much they all love his books. When Linda walks past the nurse’s desk at night on her way back to the hotel, she sees a nurse reading one of the books.

Allen’s boss and Jose visit his hospital room to assess whether Allen will be able to keep working and help save the failing company from going under. Linda is furious with them for being there and stressing out Allen

Linda gathers her confidence, inner strength, and patience to help Allen with his post-surgery severe frontal lobe problems and steroids (make him think he’s Superman). She uses The Manual to help her pay bills and keep their household going.

Allen and Linda fight over his traveling too soon for work with an important client. This is Allen needing to prove his life isn’t over. The trip is a disaster and setback for his healing.

Allen and Leaf drive in heavy traffic. Allen’s headache is pounding. He’s losing his temper in traffic. Leaf jumps in the front seat, pushes the button on the car CD to start the soothing song Allen always sang to him when Leaf was scared. It calms Allen.

Resolution:

During Allen’s brain-surgery damaged frontal-lobe rages, Leaf comforts and keeps him calm, spontaneously giving him the emotional support that trained dogs do for people with PTSD.

Leaf comforts Allen when he has PTSD dreams. It’s not only on Linda now to get Allen through these nighttime terrors. With support from Linda and Leaf, Allen confides the dream that shows his greatest fear about becoming like his abusive and disabled father.

Showing that he has the kind of fatherly love he never got, Allen dedicates himself to lovingly prepare all Leaf’s food fresh to keep the dog alive after he’s diagnosed with pancreatitis and can’t tolerate prescription dog food.

Leaf shows empathy at the pet food store for a little boy whose dog recently died.

Leisurely nature walks with Leaf, coffee shop visits, and playtime with their other pets improve Allen and Linda’s work-life balance. They take couples’ ballroom dance lessons with Leaf joining in their living room practice sessions and Linda having to learn how to let Allen lead.

Leaf’s fan club blossoms on social media. Allen interviews the groomer who showed extraordinary patience in keeping fear-aggressive Leaf as a client when he decides to writes about his and Leaf’s dual healing journey.

Allen’s memoir is published, with its beautiful photos of Leaf, and gives hope to others who face brain surgery and other life-threatening situations.

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase’s New Outline Beats!

My vision: I am an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: I forgot to fill this in on lesson 3. In retrospect, I came up with beat sheet draft 1 only after I realized that I needed to lay out the journeys of all my main characters. The plot still needs work but this exercise helped me to focus on several holes. I also found that I was “writing” rather than “outlining”. I’ve cut most of the “scene work” from this version.

Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.

MARCH INCITING INCIDENT: (Occurs before the movie starts)
March reads about Sarah in a pottery magazine. He realizes Sarah is the child he tried to kill twenty years ago after he murdered her father. March sends her a broken pot to see if he can play with her memory.

ACT 1: SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD
Opening: Flashback (in black and white) of a terrified, 6-year-old little girl running through the desert at night from a bearded, bear of a man. A small pot shard hangs on the little girl’s necklace. He catches the girl and throws her off a desert cliff.

ACT 1 SET UP: Show the world of twenty-six-year-old amnesia victim and pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Is recognized for great work at her job during the day, drinks at night to dull pain of the incomplete childhood memories that haunt her.

SARAH’S INCITING INCIDENT:
Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. (March’s inciting incident.) The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions. She drops the pot, and it shatters. She’s mortified.

DEEPER LAYER: Sarah has a big, jagged scar on one temple. The small shard that Sarah wears on her necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot – and the same pattern as the shard necklace worn by the little girl in the opening.

REVEAL: The little girl in the opening and older Sarah are the same person.

Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She calls him and admits that she broke his pot. She tells March she can fix it in a week. Asks where it came from.

March forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away and it means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation. Offers to meet her for dinner in a week and pick it up.

Sarah works on the pot/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to forget, shows up late at work, is told that March requested her services based on a great “fixer” story about her in a pottery magazine.

At her job, Sarah says “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober. She buys more booze, cries painful tears as she drinks to get drunk.

Introduce Johnny driving in his police car, he sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near the man. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.” Johnny drives to Navajo Police station.

SHAMAN INCITING INCIDENT: (this may not be seen but will be alluded to). He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – to become the new shaman.

Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny. Johnny complains, mentions he solved a tough case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago. It’s the only case his father never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital? Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.

JOHNNY INCITING INCIDENT: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something. Why? Johnny gets insubordinate and Frank suspends him without pay. How am I gonna pay my car payment?

Johnny gets dropped off by a cop at Shaman’s hogan. Shaman wonders where Johnny’s new truck is. He presses Johnny to become next Shaman. Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and his father will have to let him back on the force. He tells Shaman the real reason he came out: to borrow Shaman’s rusty, old pickup. His new truck was repossessed, and he needs transportation.

Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her. She admits she can’t remember much of anything before the age of six – pulls back her hair to reveal the scar on her temple. He queries her about any treatment she’s had. “Everything,” she replies, and ticks off the items. “Ah,” he replies and offers to walk her home.

On the sidewalk, Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March. March breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bio-mechanical hand and arm. Sarah is shocked and grateful March saved her. Tomas runs off.

March consoles Sarah at her place, says he’s worried about her. He senses there’s a lot going on inside her. She denies it. He says, “I have found that sometimes we need to go to school with our past selves in order to learn what makes us tick today.”

He leaves. Sarah pours a drink – her glass shakes badly, and she has a flashback of her six-year-old self, arguing with her father, Ben, about him wanting her to start school. He understands she just wants to always be with him. He breaks a shard in half and gives her half (her current necklace) and he jams the other half in the pocket of his jeans. The memory is slash cut as…
Sarah jams on her ear buds and guzzles the drink, tells the memories to go away

March calls Sarah next day to check in on her. She is reading one of his books that was delivered the night before, “The Soul Reclaimer”. She is intrigued that he has used hypnosis to help people remember their past lives. March says he feels blessed that he can help people “like her” who grew tired of the constant emotional pain their entire lives. “Sometimes,” he says, “I find it helps to get inside and kick the skull around a bit to shake free the memories.”

Sarah has an instant flashback of kicking a human skull like a soccer ball in the desert. Another instant flashback of young Sarah crawling into a cave, lighting a cigarette lighter to see. Her face reveals awe. Sarah snaps back to reality, sweating, scared. March asks if everything is all right. She says, “There was a cave. I’m afraid of it.” He replies, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Wasn’t my quote but I wish it was. Joseph Campbell said it.”

Sarah repeats, “The cave I fear…oh, shit.” She wants to, needs to find out but she’s so afraid. She talks of all the people who have tried to help her, diagnose her. She doesn’t think she can be hypnotized …” He says anyone who WANTS to be hypnotized CAN be. Sarah picks up her drink glass, looks at his book. He senses she’s trying to make a decision… , “You put my pot back together. I feel you can put yourself back together also.” Sarah pulls the book close, tears come. “Do you think you can help me?” He looks happy. He thinks a moment, inspects his repaired pot, says he’s not sure. “Please?” He says to show his gratitude for the fixed pot, looks at his schedule book (it’s empty), he’d be happy to fit her in tomorrow at ten AM for what he calls a “test session”. If it goes well, he’d be happy to refer her to a another professional who can help lead her out of the wilderness. Sarah sees a flashback of remote, desolate desert. She shuts her eyes and it goes away. She nods, quietly says thank you.

March gives Sarah a hypnosis session. She remembers that her father was an archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.

DEEPER layer: March has led her throughout the session and “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up.

Encouraged and feeling comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood. March says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient. He’s about to start to write his next book and…

SARAH’S TURNING POINT 1:
Sarah hysterically begs and pleads for March to treat her. For the first time she feels someone can help.

MARCH’S TURNING POINT 1:
March will take her on as a client if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.

ACT 2: SARAH’S NEW PLAN
Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they keep drugs, this shuts them up. Asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had something to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.

March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Young Sarah proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah. It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but March reminds her that she must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her younger self.

Sarah agrees to let March steer the boat.

Another session and when Sarah comes out of it, March informs her that she revealed to him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March somehow convinces her to continue, assures her that things will get better.

SARAH TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March’s interpretation of the event heightens Sarah’s guilt and her feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. She runs. It’s her low point.

MARCH TURNING POINT 3/MIDPOINT: March’s psychopathy and greed is causing him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes well – or does he? He leaves clues for Sarah to find.

JOHNNY TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, he queries his grandfather, the Shaman on the story about Sarah Cole. He’s told to go talk to his father. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.

DEEPER layer: March now has full control over Sarah’s memories and emotions.

SHAMAN TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: He demands that Frank to come clean with Johnny about what he knows regarding Sarah and March.

FRANK TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT:
Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman/his father and claims to have done the right thing 20 years ago, says those two grave robbers were not Diné and got what they deserved. And the other one? Frank doesn’t answer, tells the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.

DEEPER LAYER: Frank is actually steering Johnny to investigate the Sarah Cole story but he is providing obstacles for Johnny, which will force his son to dig deep and to prove himself as a cop

INSERT FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.

ACT 3: SARAH RETHINKS EVERYTHING
She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.

At home, hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.” She takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.

March enters the apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic – but for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave.

Sarah has a flashback in the ER about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. She sees the Shaman standing over her. Another face enters the picture. It is Frank.

March must deal with Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger” who shows up and wants more money to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut.

At Sarah’s next hypnosis session, she surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions. Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. Does March make several more mistakes using his memories instead of Sarah’s?

Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and subtly drops clues to make him commit to his future path as shaman. Johnny doesn’t commit and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned.

Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and again visit his cop father, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’ll be shoveling shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”

Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March finally comes “clean” with her; admits he wants to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off at being used and walks out. March appears to be sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare.

Johnny meets injured Tomas at the stable. Tomas has come into money and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. Now, some guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas doesn’t want to do the ride because of his broken jaw. Johnny is astounded: THE Sarah Cole?

March shows up at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace she needs is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.

SARAH TURNING POINT 3: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now dead set on learning the truth. (See Sarah later about the song lyrics are incorrect.)

MARCH TURNING POINT 3: March calls Tomas to make final arrangements. Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. March is livid. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”

SHAMAN TURNING POINT 3: He tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. He doesn’t want to believe his grandfather, but we know he does.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: SARAH PUTS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER

Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry. But then Sarah remembers that the song lyrics March sang her are different than the ones she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride. Johnny offers a reason why March just might be who he says he is.

March orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.

Johnny gets bitten by a rattlesnake that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.

While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats. But he’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.

Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs, and rediscover the desert cave in Sarah’s memory.

Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March; a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.

Sarah realizes March has been using her all along – and that March murdered her father.

Trapped, March confesses everything and talks about having to cut off his own arm to escape the cave. His eyes reveal his psychopathy.

SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: He sits on the mesa, chants. At the same time, a dust devil appears outside the cave, distracts March for a second which gives Johnny a chance to try and take down March.

JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.

SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She uses an ancient Conquistador shield to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.

MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He eventually falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.

March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to rearrange his arm and hand bones left on the cliff he fell from. His chindi will wander forever.

Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard with Johnny in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure.

[Peter Symons]

Peter’s New Outline Beats

WIL – by going back through the outline, backwards and forwards and focusing on pivotal moments in the plot I was able to elevate the horror. There’s a lot of leaps in logic that you have account for!

MY VISION: I am going to write incredible screenplay and streaming content for the horror genre.

MEAT WAGON

High Concept: When a reformed gangster takes a night job driving a hearse – he discovers that the car is haunted, and the body is the back is his.

GENRE: Horror

ACT 1: The temptation of El Escorpión

Carlos PJ 1: Texas/Mexico border. Carlos’ hearse is pulled over by a racist state trooper. Carlos is hassled because of his criminal record.

He gets off but is secretly smuggling illegals in a coffin. He’s part of an operation ran by Father Diego to reunite families who have been separated by ICE.

Back at the funeral home, Carlos is working on restoring a vintage hearse. Carlos has a special relationship with what he calls THE MEAT WAGON. He rebuilt her engine. He restored her body. In fact, he hears voices coming from her

Father Diego tells him that the hearse has hauled the bodies of many evil men to meet their maker. It’s a local legend.

Carlos PJ 2: Carlos gives his confession to Father Diego about trying to change his nature. He responds by saying that Christ is the only one who can change our sinful nature.

Jude AJ 1: Carlos’ old gang watches him. Jude offers to let him back in the gang despite his betrayal. He offers drugs and money.

Deeper Layer: Jude wants to break Carlos. He’s jealous that he has a new family.

Jude AJ 2: Jude says he’s willing to forgive Carlos for leaving the thug life.

INCITING INCIDENT: Carlos refuses to rejoin the gang. Dani tells him she’s pregnant!

Carlos PJ 3: Carlos doesn’t tell Dani about seeing his old gang. She always worries that he will backslide. His job doesn’t pay enough. She’s pregnant again!

Deeper Layer: Carlos is afraid that deep down he’ll fail as a husband and father. Just like his father before him.

Carlos PJ 4: Behind on bills, Carlos accepts a short-term loan from his former gang.

Jude AJ 3: Jude knows Carlos can’t pay back the loan on time. So, he applies pressure until the tension reaches a breaking point. Carlos gets beat up, but he turns the other check.

TURNING POINT 1: Dani is killed in a drive by shooting.

ACT 2: The Death of El Escorpión

Carlos PJ 5: Carlos, consumed by grief, turns to the Saint of Death (Santa Muerte) to protect him for what he must do next.

He burns down his old gang’s hang out and kills several members with a poisoned machete.

Jude AJ 4: Jude escapes the carnage. He shoots Carlos, wounding him. Cops arrive.

Carlos dies of his wounds! But he doesn’t know it.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Carlos doesn’t know he’s dead. (Yes, just like the Sixth Sense.)

Carlos PJ 6: Carlos returns to the funeral home. He watches from the shadows as the old priest take delivery of bodies from the coroner’s office.

Father Diego performs a strange ritual on a body. He places a coin in the mouth of the corpse’s lips shut. He recites an incantation.

Jude AJ 5.: Jude shows up looking for Carlos. He beats up the old priest looking for information.

Carlos tries to interfere but can’t for some reason.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Carlos highjacks the MEAT WAGON!

(UNKNOWN TO US, Carlos’ ghost possesses the hearse, but we think he’s driving.)

ACT III – The Resurrection of El Escorpión

Jude AJ 6: Jude makes tracks down the Texas highway.

It’s night of Day of the Dead and he’s headed for the Mexico line.

Carlos drives like El Diablo, the new engine pistons down the highway and catches up with Jude.

Carlos PJ 7: Carlos notices that there’s a coffin in the back.

He sees dead people along the darkened highway.

All are victims he killed. He thinks he’s hallucinating. He’s being judged!

Jude AJ 7: Jude’s cell phone rings. It’s Carlos from beyond the grave. The cell phone reception is sketchy. He tells Jude that’s he’s coming for him.

ACT 4 – The Ascension of El Escorpión

Carlos PJ 8: Carlos closes the distance between the hearse and Jude’s rice rocket. The big V8 has no problem overtaking the import.

Jude AJ 8: Jude fires his gun at the hearse. When the Meat Wagon pulls beside Jude – there’s NO DRIVER!

Jude freaks out…

Jude AJ 9: Carlos sees an apparition standing on the highway in front of him.

A man holding a machete dripping with human blood!

Jude swerves to avoid it and rolls his car.

The Meat Wagon comes to a screeching halt.

Deeper Layer: Carlos wakes up dead.

Carlos PJ 9: Carlos wakes up in the coffin. He tries to scream, but his lips are sewn shut!

He kicks his way out of the casket. The priest placed his machete in the coffin.

On the highway he rips the sutures off his lips and vomits up embalming fluid and hobo coin placed there by the priest. He’s covered in fresh new tattoos. His hair is shaved off. He’s unrecognizable to us.

He opens his shirt and touches the autopsy scar on his chest and screams!

Jude AJ 10: Jude is badly injured and trapped in the mangled wreckage of his car. He screams for help.

Carlos PJ 10: Carlos decapitates Jude and places his head as a hood ornament on the vintage hearse.

Carlos AJ 11: Carlos returns to the funeral home. Father Diego is expecting him.

The walls of the autopsy room walls are lined with skinned tattoos removed from all the evil men the old priest prepared for the final ride in the Meat Wagon.

They are his trophies.

The old priest takes off his clerical collar and opens his shirt also revealing an autopsy scar!

Once he was like Carlos on the highway to Hell. Until someone intervened to God on his behalf and saved his soul from damnation. It was his own penance to drive the Meat Wagon. Now his time is over. He’s paid the price for his own sins. Now it’s Carlos’ turn.

Carlos PJ 12: Carlos nods in understanding.

Resolution: Carlos drives the Meat Wagon down a residential street after midnight on Halloween. A statue of Santa Muerte dangles from his mirror and in every window burns a black candle in hopes the hearse passes them by.

[Ian Greenham]

Ian Greenham’s New Outline Beats

Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.

Doing this assignment I learned a valuable technique for vetting the Outline.

Looking at the current stage of development of the Outline, one of the most obvious omissions is that neither of the sisters, Aly nor Nicki, has a current male interest. Whilst that is of course not mandatory, it would be a simple addition to offer scope for further complexity or diversity to the plot.

Having tackled that, I’m pleased with the results. It did bring forth some interesting twists.

[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 4: Basic Plotting – July 17, 2022]

[Peter Field]

Peter’s Basic Plotting

Vision: My scripts are so good they could be published on their own and William Goldman would write the introduction.

What I learned in this assignment is that it really helps me at this point to write a basic one-page description of the story in four paragraphs, one for each Act, including the key structure points like opening, inciting incident, turning point 1, 2, 3, climax, and resolution. Using the Protagonist/Antagonist journey beats and Deeper Layer Reveals gives me the basic content I need for each paragraph. Trying to stitch them all together gives me the rest of it.

The one-page helps me answer many of the questions of the current assignment.

TITLE: A COLD DAY IN SEOUL

Genre: Action/Drama

ACT 1: David gets a chance to vindicate his military record.

David VIllers was pushed out of the military due to a failed “special ops” mission. Though the mission failure wasn’t David’s fault, he’s a convenient scapegoat, and is unceremoniously discharged from the Army. David retreats to a resort in SE Asia to lick his wounds. He gets together with an Army brother (Brian Chiang) and complains bitterly about the fucked-up way the Army treated him.

On a whim, he joins a tourist group sightseeing at a local landmark. A “gypsy” steals someone’s purse and David gives chase. The gypsy gets away, but as a result of his heroic effort, he meets Jennifer Hamm, a rising political star who’s there for a big peace conference.

Jennifer asks David to meet her for drinks and she proposes he become part of her security detail, which will be running local security when the American President visits.

*

ACT 2: David investigates security breach(es) and finds connections to local police.

David agrees to join the security team w/ his buddy Brian. Right off the bat, he discovers a grave security breach in the comm. systems used by the team. Tracking down the breach to a local police unit, David is feeling some concern about the American President’s safety.

A member of the police unit follows David and threatens him. David won’t back off, and the guy (a martial arts master) kicks David’s ass. Something the guy says reminds him of another weird moment in his failed mission, and now he starts to think the two episodes are linked somehow. Brian tells him he’s fucking crazy.

ACT 3: David vows to find out once and for all who was behind his failed mission that derailed his military service.

David gets a secret meeting with an ex-agent who has information about the mission. He claims it was a success, not a failure. The evidence is being held in a US black site.

Jennifer has the ex-agent killed before he reveals the full story, which only convinces David the ex-agent was legit.

David and Brian go to the blacksite to get the evidence that is supposed to prove there really is a broad shadow government conspiracy.

David finds out that Jennifer is part of it, that they were behind the failed mission, and they are planning to assassinate the American President when she arrives for the peace conference.

Brian’s captured but helps David escape.

*

ACT 4: It’s up to David to stop the assassination of the new Madam President.

David finally sees Jennifer’s involvement in the failed mission, which scape-goated David; The failed mission was an early step of the larger conspiracy that is about to result in the assassination of the American President.

Jennifer unleashes her fringe fighters while the Martial Arts Master who kicked David’s ass makes himself look like David and prepares his sniper position in the Great Hall where the American President will give her speech.

David fights his way through the fringe fighters and meets his lookalike.

David will fight to the death (which he very nearly accomplishes), but becomes his true warrior self again and beats the Martial Arts Master at his own game.

David’s mantra comes from Lao Tzu: “The Master knows he is going to die, and gives himself completely to the moment.” (or words to that effect)

RESOLUTION: David’s rep is restored, he vows to carry on as part of Madam President’s new security detail.

[Teresa Rodriguez]

Teresa Rodriguez’s New Outline Beats!

VISION: I will become a sought-after, respected, successful screenwriter/producer with my own highly profitable production company that I will leave as a blessing to my daughters and many generations to come!

GENRE: Fantasy/Dramedy

ACT 1: Evil Stepfather tries to get rid of Princess Lily.

Lily PJ 1: Lily’s enjoying the birthday party her animal friends throw her in the forest.

Evil Stepfather AJ 1: The Evil Stepfather throws Lily the biggest fairytale birthday bash the kingdom has ever seen, with only “perfect people” on the guest list. (Incorporate other famous fairytale characters at the party)

Lily PJ 2: Lily is late to her own birthday bash.

Deeper Layer: Lily does everything to avoid her perfectionist fairytale life.

INCITING INCIDENT: Lily ___________ on Live TV. Stepfather tells her she’s an embarrassment to his perfect kingdom.

Deeper Layer: The Stepfather sets Lily up to fail at the party, trying to permanently damage her already low self-esteem, so he gets more “devotees” than her.

Evil Stepfather AJ 2: Tells Lily she’s a failure and wishes her mom had a boy instead.

Lily PJ 3: Lily leaves the ball in great shame.

Evil Stepfather AJ 3: Orders guards to kill Lily but to make it look like a suicide.

Deeper Layer: Stepfather wants to take over the kingdom. He also made the Queen’s disappearance look like a suicide. He secretly holds her in a dungeon, stealing her “essence” because she is the “fairest one of all.”

TURNING POINT: Lily fakes her own death, Mirror tells her where to run, and she secretly escapes the palace.

Act 2: Lily is free of her palace prison but not her own prison.

Lily PJ 4: Lily, following the Mirror’s directions, arrives at the Dwarf’s farm, and tries to take refuge, but they throw her out for being royalty.

Deeper Layer: Lily has low self-esteem because she’s not the traditional size zero fairytale princess. She can never stand up for herself.

Lily PJ 5: She changes her look to disguise herself. Pretends to be an orphan.

TURNING POINT 2/ MIDPOINT: Lily steals food to survive, and gets arrested.

Act 3: Lily’s new life begins.

Lily PJ 6: The judge sends Lily to live in a homeless shelter with other imperfect “undesirables” and meets “Prince.” She’s also ordered to do “community service” at the Dwarf’s farm.

Lily PJ 7: Lily lies to Prince and Dwarfs about who she really is because they hate royalty.

Lily PJ 8: Prince teaches Lily self-defense to give her self-confidence.

Evil Stepfather AJ 4: He finds out Lily is still alive and tries to poison her.

Lily PJ 9: Lily collapses and fakes her own death.

Evil Stepfather AJ 5: Plans to steal “youth essence” from the kingdom’s youngsters.

Deeper Layer: The Queen’s “essence” is running out, and she’ll soon die.

Lily PJ 10: Lily, along with the Dwarfs and Prince, stop the Stepfather’s evil plot.

Evil Stepfather AJ 6: He captures the Dwarfs and Prince. Reveals that Lily is the princess.

Lily PJ 11: Lily tries to apologize to Prince and Dwarfs for lying, but they shun her.

TURNING POINT 3: Stepfather gives Lily a dilemma, she can either save the Dwarfs or Prince.

Deeper Layer: The Stepfather plans to frame Lily for killing the Dwarfs and Prince. While captive, Prince realizes his deep love for Lily.

Act 4 Climax: Lily becomes a hero.

Lily PJ 12: Lily recruits and teaches other “undesirables” self-defense. Together with the animals, they rescue the Dwarfs and Prince. However, Prince gets hurt, and falls into a deep coma. Lily blames herself.

Lily PJ 13: Lily reluctantly kisses Prince, she still doesn’t think she’s enough, but to her surprise, it saves his life.

Lily PJ 14: With new self-confidence, Lily fights her Evil Stepfather and wins on Live TV. She becomes a national hero.

Evil Stepfather AJ 7: His “youth essence” wears off on Live TV to “reveal” he’s really an “undesirable” it also breaks the spell he has over Mirror.

Resolution: Mirror tells Lily where to find her mother, who’s barely alive; Lily saves her with a true love kiss; the Queen rules the kingdom again and dissolves all “perfectionist” rules. She forces the Evil Stepfather to do what he forced others to do _____ (maybe wash feet, he hates feet).

[Caroline Fritz]

[WIM] Caroline’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.

What I learned: This was very helpful in sorting out the gaps.

PJ: Callahan

AJ: Aaron

Act 1: Callahan takes a vacation to visit his American friends

Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.

PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. He stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.

Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.

PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent.

Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket.

AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop.

Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.

AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.

Act 2

Callahan is in a race to save his friends.

PJ 3: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA and he is interrogated and threatened with deportation.

Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. They start to surveille Callahan but he recognizes the tail immediately.

Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia.

Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death.

PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart.

PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.

Act 3

New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.

Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him.

PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound.

AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self.

Act 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men.

Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who has no idea what is going on.

AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested.

PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened.

[Terrie Shaft]

Terrie’s New Outline Beats!

I write screenplays that get turned into crowd pleasing successful films using a process that allows me to enjoy my equestrian hobby.

What I learned from this assignment is I had some plot holes I was unaware of. This process got me focused on those issues.

ACT 1

Opening: James/Jason hiding from a US Marshall in a federal building. On a flip phone, refusing to attend a pre-trial conference. Comedy dialog here to show James/Jason’s paranoia through this exchange. Maybe he accuses all US Marshalls of being racist because everyone know they started to catch escaped slaves. No, that’s the Texas Rangers. Yeah but everyone knows really it’s the same (some conspiracy theory). The Marshall on the phone is black, James/Jason Stockholm syndrome.

Paige on a lunch date. Her date is a cop groupie, into guns. She profiles him, to his face, in as insulting a manner as possible.

James/Jason escorted out of the federal building, shots are fired. He’s whisked back into the building. In a room with multiple law enforcement, James/Jason accuses each of of being involved in a different conspiracy theory.

Deeper Layer: one of the accusations about conspiracy theory is true.

Paige called while she finishes insulting her date. She’s called into work. Her date accuses her of lying.

INCITING INCIDENT: James refuses to testify unless Paige is his protection detail.

Paige meets James, but he’s really Jason. She tries to refuse the assignment: she’s behavioral not WITSEC.

James doubles down not testifying. He’ll lose witness protection and his new fake identify if he won’t testify. Back and forth. The case is against domestic terrorists. James/Jason spouts conspiracy theories every chance he gets.

Paige it told taking the assignment will help her get promoted, this guy’s nuts maybe she can use her psych background to fix his crazy.

James starts to say something about where they grew up. Paige agrees to be part of his protection detail just to shut him up.

Deeper layer: Paige and James/Jason have past history

Turning point 1: Paige agrees and James stays on the witness list.

PJ: Paige gives in, professional.

AJ: James/Jason agrees to testify, for now

ACT 2

New Plan: Paige in charge of James/Jason’s protection.

Plan in action: Normal protection assignment. Paige has to move James to a safe house.

PJ: Paige is by the book

AJ: James/Jason thinks he knows best.

Deeper Layer: they bicker constantly like people with a past. Use a sketch comedy format and hint at their past.

First night safe house: arguing. She stays in the outer room, James tries to sweet talk her into staying in his room.

Second night safe house: James comes onto Paige. She slugs him – make it funny – raise the stakes physically between them.

Reveal: The audience finds out they had some history, probably romantic. Still hiding it from other Marshalls.

Next morning: moving James/Jason to a location nearer the trial location, they are shot at.

Midpoint Turning Point: Their cover gets blown, an attempt on both of them. They go on the run.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: Paige has to admit his paranoia is reasonable because almost no one knew where they were.

Deeper layer: someone on the inside is setting them up.

New Plan: just her and James/Jason. Find a place to be safe, cut off from the Marshall service. Leave the current district, go to the district where she first started.

Series of challenges getting to the ‘safe’ location –make these funny. They don’t have a smart phone so they get lost. She won’t stop for directions. Need more.

Reveal: Paige & James were a couple. His conspiracy theory/paranoia almost got her fired from a police job – that’s when she left him and why she hates him now.

Twist: They sleep together, rekindling their relationship. No one at US Marshall can know about them.

Reveal: James wants to be with Paige. Paige isn’t over him nearly ruining her career.

Paige uses different phones to call and set information traps to identify who is blowing their cover.

ACT 4:

The information traps Paige set ups come to fruition.

PJ: Some of James weird theories are true.

AJ: Paige doesn’t want anything bad to happen to James

Deeper Layer: Paige & James resolve their relationship issues.

I need to figure out who it is, what’s the conspiracy, who is setting them up and it’s consistent with one of his conspiracy theories. This person serves the Villian role in the Thriller genre.

Face off: Paige sets up the villain. James leaves. He trusts Paige, but not the people she works for.

Paige has outed someone in the government whose been helping the domestic terrorists.

James comes back. He wants to be with Paige and he knows she needs him to corroborate her story.

James testifies.

Ends: With the traitor in jail James/Jason gives up witness protection to be with Paige.

Some funny epilogue. Him keeping up with his weird behaviors to ensure they are safe – circling the block or? Needs to include Paige.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s New Outline Beats

Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is how these three processes made it easier to fill the plot holes in the story. Another great lesson!!!

Title: SMUGGLERS JOURNEY

Genre: Drama

ACT 1: Sloane (PJ) relaxes at home watching tv, when there’s a knock on the door. It’s the police.

(20 years earlier) Sloane (age 10) at home with his mother. Knock on the door. It’s the police. Sloane has been truant from school for 40 days.

Sloane and his mother have dinner at a nice restaurant and leave without paying.

Sloane (age 18) graduates from high school and joins the Navy.

Sloane (age 25) marries and becomes a ship captain.

Sloane (age 30) leaves the Navy for a better paying job on a cargo freighter ship.

Surface Layer: Sloane is a young, honest and hard-working sea captain.

Mr. Big (AJ) is a banker who makes a profit by exchanging money for smugglers.

INCITING INCIDENT: Sloane discovers his ship crew is smuggling oil.

Sloane threatens to report the smuggling to the authorities.

Mr. Big feels Sloane will threaten his smuggling and money laundering operation.

Mr. Big sends someone to rough up Sloane and serve as a warning.

TURNING POINT 1: Sloane is badly beaten.

Deeper Layer: Sloane faces a dilemma of reporting the illegal activities or joining in on the smuggling. Either way, he risks being killed.

ACT 2: Sloane tries to ignore the smuggling.

Sloane transfers to another ship where the crew is even more corrupt.

Mr. Big meets with Sloane and lures him into the smuggling world.

Influences Surface Story: Sloane’s family is growing and he needs the money to support his wife and children.

Sloane accepts a job inspecting ships.

Major Reveal: As an inspector, Sloane fakes documents, and exchanges money for a fee.

Changes Reality: We think Sloane is doing his job honestly until we see him forging visas for ship captains.

Mr. Big tips off the military police to Sloane’s location.

TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Military police begin raids on Sloane’s house.

Hints: Sloane treats the police officers like friends.

Sloane hides large amounts of cash in his closet and pays off the police with a duffle bag full of cash.

Sloane’s marriage is on the rocks since he’s rarely home.

War breaks out and the oil business dries up.

Sloane rushes home to be with his dying father.

ACT 3: Sloane leaves the ship and smuggling business.

Sloane tries several legitimate jobs that all fail.

Sloane is more of a friend than a father to his children. Arguments with his wife worsen.

Mr. Big is losing money without Sloane.

TURNING POINT 3: Mr. Big convinces Sloane to come back and work together again.

Mr. Big persuades Sloane that they should smuggle whiskey.

One container of whiskey is confiscated by the police and the other disappears.

The police are hot on their trail. If captured Sloane faces a firing squad.

Mr. Big sinks the ship to collect the insurance money.

Sloane is having health problems from all his drinking.

Sloane goes home when his mother dies.

Sloane’s wife files for divorce.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Sloane gives up the life of crime.

A friend convinces Sloane that he has a drinking problem.

Sloane enters an alcohol and drug treatment program.

RESOLUTION: Sloane is now clean and sober.

Sloane rebuilds his relationship with his children.

Sloane meets a wonderful woman on-line through a spiritual dating service.

Sloane becomes a prison counselor helping inmates.

Mr. Big disappears.

[Hope McPherson]

Hope McPherson’s New Outline Beats

Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.

What I learned: Oh, gosh! I didn’t feel like I had many ideas for this outline, but once I began the front-to back >> back-to-front >> major turning points method, the ideas began to flow. I loved that method!

NOVEL REVOLT

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 1

PJ 1: Assistant Professor Marta avoids calls from her publisher as she helps a struggling student with his paper.

PJ 2: She and fellow faculty member, Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg, are called into the dean’s office, where the dean tells them that the college will be forced to let one of go soon while the other will be put on tenure track. It’s all based on their performance and how they connect with students.

In classrooms, Andrew is insightful and pompous; the female students (and at least one male student) swoon.

Marta’s lecture is dry and at least one student snores. She mentions, though, that some authors – like Mark Twain – had trouble getting their characters to do what they expected. The students roll their eyes.

She returns papers and the sleeping student aced it, much to her surprise.

Deeper layer (future reveal): Andrew hires old college buddy to help sabotage Marta’s chances at the faculty position. OR, we hear Andrew making a call but don’t know who he’s calling.

Marta avoids her publisher again, this time in front of her fiancé, David. She complains her characters seem to be doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote!

Deeper layer: Andrew gained access to Marta’s manuscript and made the changes. ??

Marta and David discuss wedding after semester ends; he wants to invite his poker buddies.

AJ 2/Inciting incident: Her book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her classroom.

AJ 3: Cyrus demands Marta make him the hero of her manuscript.

Act 2

PJ3: Marta refuses Cyrus’ demand; doesn’t believe he’s who he says he is; thinks he’s from Drama Department.

AJ 4: Cyrus begins to edit Marta’s life – and her wedding plans with venue and caterer.

David returns, after winning big. He and Cyrus don’t like each other.

The dean watches Marta teach and is unimpressed.

AJ 2: Cyrus challenges David, tries to edit him, too, but makes more trouble for Marta.

PJ 4: David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue, and loses big.

AJ 2: Andrew sabotages Marta to their dean, complaining she stole an idea for a new course from him.

Turning point: Marta discovers a second character — a maid – has disappeared from her book completely.

AJ 3: Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they continue “editing” Marta’s life and wedding plans.

New plan: PJ 3: Marta tries to outsmart Cyrus and Rosie by “setting them free” in the real world.

Marta’s publisher gives her an ultimatum: Deliver the book in a week or be sued – but now has major writer’s block.

AJ 4: Cyrus realizes David is addicted to gambling and is no good for Marta.

TP2/midpoint: David disappears.

Deeper level: Andrew encourages David to take his big winnings and bet even bigger; Andrew also “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it.

ACT 3

Rethink everything: PJ: Marta is about to destroy her laptop to get rid of Cyrus, but he warns her that if she smashes the laptop and loses the book, she deletes David!

Marta now believes she can’t take a chance that he’s lying.

Andrew reports her odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but to further sabotage her.

Marta gives the final exams and essays and her snoring athlete-student aces it again. She notices some of the wording is exactly like Andrew’s wording in his conference papers. She’s now suspicious!

Rose says she’ll get David “out of the manuscript” if Marta will give her a bigger part and a love story with Cyrus.

New plan: Marta agrees to give Cyrus and Rosie whatever he wants. She just wants David back safely.

AJ: Cyrus and Rosie edit, edit, edit her: Hair, makeup, clothes, classroom lectures; the book; the upcoming wedding.

Marta and Cyrus try not to be attracted to each other, but are.

PJ: Marta writes like crazy – missing classes, not grading papers, ignoring the dean. She’s a mess.

David returns, doesn’t like the “new Marta.”

The dean gives her a final warning.

Rosie comes up with a story of why David doesn’t remember being “in the book.”

David goes along with it to hide the fact that he gambling away and lost $35K.

AJ: Cyrus warns Marta about David’s compulsive gambling. She doesn’t believe him.

TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception and confess to Marta, but Andrew blackmails over something during their college days to keep him quiet.

Cyrus and Rosie disappear.

Act 3 turning point: Marta is fired; Andrew is put on tenure track.

ACT 4

PJ: In her pjs at home, Marta sends the book to her editor, now with Cyrus as the hero.

The publisher hates it. Wants the advance back.

PJ 3: David’s gambling getting worse.

TP 3: Marta discovers David gambled away $35K for their wedding when she tries to book a food truck.

She breaks off the engagement and kicks David out, knowing it’s time to break the co-dependent cycle.

Days later, Marta sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.

Marta buys a ticket and goes to the play. They make eye contact during the play – and Cyrus flubs his lines.

Marta discovers Rosie is a ticket-taker. Rosie admits to her part in the deception.

Marta shows up at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. The dean calls security; Cyrus arrives.

Act 4 climax: Marta confronts Andrew about hacking into her computer; Andrew throws Cyrus under the bus, saying it was his idea. Their history is revealed.

Cyrus admits to his part but counters that Andrew was the college ring-leader for an essay scam years ago.

Marta calls in the athlete-student — who admits to paying for Andrew to write his final papers.

The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back.

Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to a new publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.

Resolution: Marta is at a book signing. The dean is there, asking if she’ll consider coming to guest speak at the university the next year.

After he leaves, Marta begins autographing a book for the next person in line, asks for the name – and it’s Cyrus!

[Zeke Farrow]

VISION FOR SUCCESS: I will deliver delicious, surprising, seemingly effortless work, that is constantly in demand and causes people to recommend me for original and rewrite projects without hesitation.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS Thinking in every which direction really helps find plot holes! Thanks you.

TITLE: Mitchwich

CONCEPT: On graduation day, a petulant cynic goes back in time to the first day of high school and changes the event that he thinks ruined his life and when he returns, he meets his worst nightmare – HIMSELF.

GENRE: TEEN BUDDY COMEDY

ACT 1:

OPENING:

PJ/AJ Mitch is bright eyed and excited for his first day of high school and his magic trick.

INCITING INCIDENT B STORY:

PJ 1 MITCH’s magic trick fails. Mitch has a panic attack and shits all over SOPHIE.

PJ 2 It’s 4 years later and Mitch is caught in his old ways – Bullied by SIMON, Afraid to speak to Sophie, His one friend is ROBBIE who he treats badly.

INCITING INCIDENT A STORY:

PJ 3 Mitch gets in the time machine he built and goes back in time to the first day of Freshman year to fix the trick and stop the poop.

SURFACE LAYER: Mitch goes back in time in order to stop the event that ruined high school and leave the new version of himself to live happily ever after.

DEEPER LAYER: Mitch needs to fix himself, not become someone else..

TURNING POINT:

PJ 4 AJ 3 Mitch meets New Mitch. They’re both the same and utterly different.

ACT 2:

REACTION/NEW PLAN:

PJ 5 Mitch investigates the new present that he’s created.

– Mitch pretends to be Old Mitch’s cousin Mitch. Navigates the new future: His mom manages his social media. Stage mom. His dad lives alone in the garage working on the ‘algorithm’ that will change advertising, Sophie and New Mitch still aren’t dating. Robbie is gay and dating Simon. His dog doesn’t know how to do any tricks. Old Mitch is petrified of all of these changes. His new self. His new relationships.

AJ 4 New Mitch is driven crazy by Sophie as he puts on his magic show and mentors Mitch.

PJ 6 Mitch helps New Mitch rehearse for his magic show. Sees that New Mitch is a true artist. Inspired/Jealous.

PJ Mitch meets New Robbie who is dating New Simon. They’re completely in love with each other. And New Mitch treats them like the stage manager and producer that they are…

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT

PJ 7 During the spectacular magic show, New Mitch gives Mitch the opportunity to do the magic trick again. He does. Mitch and New Sophie fall in love at first sight.

AJ 5 New Mitch sees New Sophie fall for Mitch like she fell for him on the first day of freshman year.

ACT 3:

RETHINK:

PJ Sophie tells Mitch what she wants in a man.

PJ/AJ New Mitch has a 3way with Mitch to make Sophie jealous?

PJ Mitch doesn’t have his baggage anymore. He can be a new him. Mitch tells Sophie who he is and repairs her relationship with New Mitch.

PJ Mitch realizes that he can have a chance to be a good friend to Robby. He can learn to have empathy for Simon. He can have a chance to woo Sophie. He can help his father. He can give his mom the love she needs. But he can’t save his dog.

NEW PLAN:

PJ Mitch fixes New Mitch and New Sophie.

AJ – New Mitch must value New Sophie above all else. New Sophie must recognize New Mitch’s genius.

PJ/AJ New Mitch and Sophie prepare to say goodbye Mitch.

PJ Dog won’t snuggle with him.

TURNING POINT:

– Mitch was wrong about Time Travel. It’s not a closed loop. He’s created a multiverse. Mitch will have to live his whole future in the wrong timeline.

ACT 4

CLIMAX:

Mitch can have his old life back. He has to travel back in this universe to before he went back to… And then travel forward in time and he’ll end up with his whole life back.

AJ New Mitch and New Sophie must say goodbye to Mitch.

PJ Mitch has to fix the time machine. Go back. Leave to go back forward the moment he left.

RESOLUTION:

PJ Mitch is able to fix his relationships with his mom, dad, Robbie, Simon, his dog, and Sophie. Mix does the magic trick again for Sophie. She falls in love with him at first sight.

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: More, what I practice: avoiding the “waiting until it’s perfect” trap, just getting stuff down, completing the lesson and moving forward.

ACT 1: A Cocky Young Judge.

Opening: A put together 30-something man, YOUNG JUDGE, flirting with an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. Not clear who’s hitting on whom. A YOUNGER ATTTRACTIVE WOMAN appears to drag him away. A little jealousy seen in the Attractive Woman. “She’s too young to be your wife.” You’re right. She’s my law clerk.” “Come on, Your Honor.”

Enter side door of Courthouse using YG’s keycard.

A late night, the young, pompous YOUNG JUDGE reviewing cases to be heard the next morning. Partier, but a hard worker. Comments that he’s soon to be single. Brief review of the cases. Sentencing for a murderer, Imminent Domain case, and a RED HERRING, an abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs an abortion clinic.

Morning – large numbers of protesters in front of the courthouse. Demonstrators on both sides of the issue. Looks like it could get out of control at any moment.

RED AJ – Enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked. INTRO FEMALE US MARSHAL who looks at RED with disdain, then retreats to YG’s chambers.

RED Deeper Layer: He is driven by greed and will commit any crime – intimidation, extortion, murder – in order to close a deal.

In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. Reference political-motivated threats against YG.

YG enters the courtroom. Three cases before him. RED HERRNG, either dismisses case or grants summary judgment, i.e., he rules in favor of one side or the other, ending the case. Lawyers stand up for the imminent domain case – they both ask for a continuance to pursue settlement negotiations. Third case: sentencing of DR for murder conviction.

DR TJ – DR is sentenced to death/life in prison by YG. DR tries to talk but is shouted down.

YG and Law Clerk in chambers immediately after stepping off the bench. Brief discussion on imminent domain case. YG tells clerk he’s made his decision; will dismiss the case if they don’t settle. Clerk asks if he’ll re-think the RED HERRING CASE/POLITICAL “left wing/progressive cause.” – they’ve already filed a motion for reconsideration. They can appeal if they don’t like it.

Plaintiff Abortion doctor addresses supporters outside the courthouse.

RED AJ – RED discovers YG plans to rule in favor of the plaintiffs challenging the imminent domain case.

Call with soon to be ex-wife. Now that he’s on the bench, it’s Tammy Winnete time. He couldn’t agree more.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that he either recuse himself from an upcoming case or resign from the bench. Or else.

Female US Marshal pops her head in to check out. Asks if everything is OK. [Things have finally settled down out there.] YG says yes. Does not share threat with her.

YJ PJ – YG ignores demand to recuse himself, asks (leaves voice mail or text) Law Clerk to draft Order ruling against construction company on imminent domain case.

RED AJ – RED orders assembly of evidence to frame YG for murder. Presents evidence to the Chief Judge and the US Marshalls.

DR TJ – DR begins planning to escape with other prisoners before he’s transferred to prison from holding area in courthouse.

Turning Point: YG discovers his key card to enter the courthouse has been deactivated and Federal Marshalls appear, not to protect him, but to arrest him, for murder! Female US Marshal apologetic.

Deeper Layer: YG actually has committed murder, just not the one he is being accused of now.

ACT 2: Knocked down to the gutter.

Initial Reaction: He runs away! After calming down a bit, he goes to the Chief Judge, and asks for assistance (and we’ve had a setup already that they have a bad relationship and she’s been hostile to him). She tells him she can’t help him. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in.

DR TJ – DR and other prisoners overpower guards and begin escape.

New plan: He joins a wild escape plan.

YG PJ and DR TJ Merge

The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, are closing in on YG – he is near the courthouse exit, where prisoners are being out of the courthouse and taken back to the jail. Seems like he’s cornered, prisoners being marched in. EXCEPT it’s a prisoner dressed as a guard. Marshall approaches a prison guard/transport, asks for help, then asks, “Who are you?” Prisoner Disguised as Guard, who shoots one of the US Marshals. All hell breaks loose, and YG manages to join the Pirsoners side of the battle. Junior Judge appears, gun drawn – standoff. You can’t stop us. I don’t want to.

Deeper Layer <s>Reveal</s> Hint: Female US Marshall shoots at YG to kill, but hits one of the escaping prisoners instead. But appears to do so hesitantly, in the heat of the gun battle and after he has pointed a gun at another US Marshal.

Everyone except him and Death Row are killed. He’s going to leave Death Row chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when Death Row yells, “I know who framed you” or “I can clear your name.” YG thinks it’s “the abortionists.”

Deeper Layer: DR isn’t helping YG with the hope of getting out of the death sentence, but to protect the neighborhood that will be razed if RED wins.

Escape through the wild demonstration outside the courthouse.

Revised Plan:

Tell the Chief Judge that RED set him up, based on input from DR.

–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s insistence. Death Row is skeptical: She never liked Junior. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

Plan in action:

They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with Junior actually managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

RED AJ – RED gets wind of YG’s efforts, aided by DR, to reach the Chief Judge, to tell her YG is behind the false charges against YG. Instructs Henchwoman/Female US Marshal to prevent that at any costs. Not shown – behind the scenes.

Midpoint Turning Point:

Junior and Death Row manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window [by the Female US Marshal] and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Female US Marshall works for RED, and is the killer of the Chief Judge.

ACT 3: Climbing out of the gutter.

Rethink everything

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: YG and DR are given refuge by PLAINTIFF IN THE RED HERRING CASE. A DOCTOR AT AN ABORTION CLINIC. The last person you would expect to be willing to help YG. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Chief Judge was on RED’s payroll as well, and like YG, “grew a set of principles,” which made her expendable. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

New plan

YG works with DR to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

RED AJ – RED calls upon all his resources to locate and neutralize YG and DR.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

DR TJ – DR is killed by Henchwoman/Female US Marshal.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: DR is a good guy – he sacrifices himself: first places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall (think of Elisha Cook, Jr., as Harry Jones, getting killed by Lash Canino; he dies, gives a fake address for where his wife is to save her, even though she would not have done the same thing for him).

ACT 4: Dispensing Judgment

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

YG PJ – YG and DR concoct a plan to expose RED and the Law Clerk.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy.

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: YG is guilty of murder – just not the one he was framed for.

Deeper Layer Reveal (“High Castle Surprise”): Law Clerk also on RED’s payroll, with the promise of becoming a judge herself.

YG discovers that his last ally, his law Clerk, has actually been working with RED all along, and aided in, and was responsible for, him being set up.

Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.

Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.

RED AJ (Resolution) – RED is arraigned on a multitude of charges, facing the rest of his lift in jail.

YG Resolution – YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).

Resolution

Having developed the qualities necessary to be a good judge, YG now disposes of cases compassionately, and in a scene that mirrors the opening, sentences another defendant.

[Eclipse Neilson]

THE NUN AND THE WITCH

1. VISION: I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place.

What I’ve learned it is still unfolding but there will be changes as I make some discoveries around Athena and the main characters.

2. Deeper Layer” puzzle

The why and how these two women are sent to earth to help save the heart of humanity.(I’ve discovered now that Athena is core to the sacred mission and will be the secret reveal in the end)

3.Surface Layer:

Two profoundly spiritual women of opposite orientation bond.

4. Deeper Layer:

They have a sacred mission together and life times of deep connection -The nun is destined to become a saint in this life time and it will be the witch that helps her accomplish her task.

5. Major Reveal:

Athena in the end is the goddess returned through a child of war.

The Old One (mentor character) Native American woman – a guardian from the Council of Universal Beings

6. Influences Surface Story

Opposition from the church people, extreme religious right and white supremest attack Lunea thunder the Priestess Witch.

Hints: Anger builds with threats and rejection from the towns people comments and nasty actions-

Teen thugs damage the Lunea’s store.

Begin to bully Athena Lunea’s daughter (or maybe niece).

Lunea the Witch is a political activist and is causing an uproar in the mostly conservative town that doesn’t want to hear about the problems of the world.

7. THE BEATS

THE NUN AND THE WITCH/ MYSTICAL SCI-FI/ DRAMA

Act 1

Opening:

UNIVERSE – NIGHT

In timeless space two figures as silhouettes on a starry hill.

VARIED VOICES and strange BEEPS STAR FLASHES WHISPERS as the Council of Universal Beings appear.

DARK TIME TUNNEL

The two souls (SISTER ANNE 35 and LUNA THUNDER 45) wisp by as they travel through the dark time tunnel.

Flashes of their lives begin to appear-first in Egypt.

The shadowy forms watch their first lifetime together.

EGYPTIAN TOMB – NIGHT

Two Egyptian slave women holds a small vessel of serpentine liquid. They stare at each other fondly. Flickers of flame from a torch near by cast on their face. They pause and drink the poison.

SISTER ANNE lays her head on LUNA THUNDER’S shoulder and hold each other – they close their eyes. The torch flickers on a sword on the grave. SILENCE

Their shadowy spirits quickly move forward. WOOSH

TIME TUNNEL: MONTAGE – NIGHT

Events through flashes on the walls on the time tunnel.

The 1920’s two female archeologist discover grave of two women skeletons in same position. They look at each other – and quickly cover up the grave knowing it is them.

Fast forward Auschwitz two women stare at each other longingly as one is taken away holding the hand of a little girl( Athena)

Time tunnel moves faster. Darker and darker –

The shadowy figures of Anne and Lunea wait in front of large metal door with the blood painted words THE REMEMBERING. It CREAKS open.

They step through.

The door SLAMS close behind them.

They turn around and see the other side of the door the words -THE FORGETTING.

They step into the present Images of sky scrapper – sound of news reporter war in ukraine (2022)

THE HILL -DAWN

Birds greeting the dawn – Sunrise on the back of ancient stone henge type of goddess looking rock. The tall hill looks over a village.

CHAPEL – DAWN

The chapel is slightly run down.

Sister Anne lights a flame at the prayer candles under a tall statue of Jesus, where a sword lays at his feet. Sister Anne gently bows. Tears fill her eyes filled with emotion.

Turns and looks at a stain glass window of Archangel Uriel the sunlight hits the sword and makes it look for a moment like a flaming sword.

THE HILL-DAY

Sunrise looks a flame rising out of the back of the Monolith stone goddess. Lunea with arms raised to the sunlight, bows reverently with prayer hands slowly looks up, smiles and dances in front of the stone.

THE PARISH KITCHEN – SAME DAY

Sister Anne makes breakfast for father Sinclair. Chops apple into small pieces and places on a dish serves it with a boiled egg and toast.

Walks over genuflects to him and serves tray. He nods approvingly says grace. She bows.

Opens her eyes as she prays as she sees the next door neighbors horse grazing in the field. Smiles like a child with a bit of wildness in her. He sees her looking at the mare.She quickly returns to obedient prayer.

Father Sinclair thanks her and smiles as he bites a piece of apple and stares at the turtle dove name MELODY.She quietly coos. He mentions how much the dove reminds him of her.

LUNEA’S KITCHEN – SAME DAY

Lunea makes breakfast for Athena walks over and kisses the top of her head grabs an apple from table and quarters it. Hands a piece to a small parrot (Eva) who sits on top of her cage. Squawks.

Lunea mentions something like – “Ah the forbidden apple my sweet Eve.”Giggles.

ATHENA 14 gives the medicinal benefits she has learned about apples when in school in Ukraine. Lunea smiles announcing she is a brilliant child and will go far.

FLEA MARKET – DAY

Crowded market. Sister Anne’s flower print stand is diagonally across from Lunea’s stand filled with crystals wands and other witchy type tools, along with political brochures for women’s right- gay right – black life matters animal rights and more.

They catch glances a few times.

Sister Anne smiles. Lunea nods and walks over and admires Sister Anne’s beautiful flower prints she is selling to raise money for the church. They start up a conversation.

Lunea buys a few for her store gives her extra change. Tells her about a special flower that grows up the on the hill.

SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Anne has a dream she is picking flowers on the hill and the stone goddess monolith quietly bends over and gives her a single flower that begins to glow.

Anne awakes afraid and yet curious.

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM -DAY

Anne lets Father Sinclair know she is going to spend the afternoon hiking and then adds “with Jesus” up the hill to see the Ancient stone. He frowns and mumbles something about it should have been pulled down years ago. Sister Anne bows her head.

HILL MONTAGE – DAY

Scenes of the two women climb the hill from either side.

Sister Anne arrives after Lunea.

Both look surprised.

They start up a longer conversation.

CLOAKED OLD ONE (NATIVE AMERICAN SHAMAN WOMAN) HIDES BEHIND BIG MOTHER STONE AND SMILES AS SHE LISTENS TO THEM TALK. THEY DO NOT KNOW SHE IS THERE.

LUNEA’S STORE – DAY

Front window covered with many different traditions posters and flags – native – Goddess – Buhdah ….

Lunea is organizing her shop.

Some teens come into the store and stare at her and start messing things up. Turn over a table – You evil witch they yell out and dart out the door laughing.

She calls the police but gives up after a short conversation. Slams the phone down.

Athena walks in and sees the damage and has flashbacks of Ukraine and the war she has fled. She begins to weep. Lunea runs over and holds.

THE CHAPEL – SUNSET

Sister Anne is sweeping, then sits down in a pew, gazes at the stature of Jesus with a silver sword at his feet. She starts up a conversation / quote.(must find quote)

The sun sets in the stain window across from Uriel on Mary – it glows in her heart center.

Sister Anne makes a comment about the heart of the mother. She hears the voices and beeps of the Council of the Universe whispering the sign of goddess flame.

PARISH KITCHEN – DAY

Sister Anne and Father Sinclair have dinner. Knowing he is ill,he tells her she must continue the church after he dies and not tell the head church.

He shares how afraid he is to have his church goers be abandoned and discusses some ideas.

Sister Anne consoles him and says she will do so. They tell each other their big secrets – He has not had any help from the big church for years and she tells him she was a runaway nun but never stopped being a nun. They hold each other’s hand as if there is a forgiving and a sacred commitment.

LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT

Lunea sits outside looks up at the moon and takes one more sip of ale.She is slightly drunk. A frown and tears streams down her cheeks as she builds a stone circle.

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

He gets out of bed in the dark- opens the window- begins to fall- hobbles over to the cage and open the cage door- a dark shadow and sound of wings as the bird flies out the window.

We hear a thunk on the ground. He has had an heart attack. In the moonlight we see he is smiling.

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – MORNING

KNOCKING ON DOOR- Sister Anne slowly opens the door- first sees his feet. Rushes over to him. Drops t her knees begins to weep looks up sees the bird cage door and window is open. The dove is sitting up in a tree. Her tears beg.

She sees a notebook on the bedside table with a letter for her. She reads it giving her step by step instructions how to tell the parish that she will lead.

ACT 2

Turning Point:

CHURCH GRAVEYARD – DAY

Funeral – Sister Anne gives the funeral and is wearing father Sinclair’s preacher stole. She reads his chosen words.

The congregation looks up to her. She struggles to find courage give her first words of her leadership.

She quotes part of Jesus words of Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

There are some grumblings around the men who do not want to take lead from a woman. Anne sees them and attempts to stand in her power.

Nods to them as she ceremoniously walks by them holding the sword in front of her following the casket to the small grave yard on the side of the church.

FIELD – DAY

Sister Anne watches the mare gallop across the field. She smiles as if she was riding her. (over lay of her riding)

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father Sinclair returns as a ghost.

He wants her to continue his work. She is afraid.

THE HILL – DAY

Sister Anne sits looking out over the town. Prays for help. She feels Jesus’ presence and she weeps.

When she looks up from her tears she see Lunea sitting by her side. They sit side silently by side. Lunea tells her it will be alright.

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father haunts her warning her that evil forces are taking over the town. She ask why- he hangs his head ashamed- and talks about having forgotten the teaching s of Jesus.

He takes her into the church and shows her the sword laid at Jesus feet- tells her what legend goes along with the sword. It belonged to early pagan settlers. He suggest the answers can be found with the sword. He disappears.

CHURCH – NIGHT

She kneels at Jesus’ feet and prays.

She hears Jesus voice – telling her to guide the people to put down their weapons and that this is the sword of light not of death and must be returned to the proper owners.

THE POND – DAY

Lunea is swimming naked in the water and Sister Anne appears. Lunea invites her to join her. Sister Anne refuses because she is a nun. But ultimately jumps into the water playfully with her clothes on.

Flickers of light blends with their giggles and laughter.

VILLAGE MONTAGE – DAY

Different scenes of Sister Anne and Lunea bonding and being playful and enjoying each others company.

SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM

Father Sinclair appears and becomes enraged about their friendship.

LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT

Sister Anne seeks help from Lunea knowing she will understand what to do with the hauntings and help banish the evil and might know the history of the sword.

Lunea ask her to take her to the church and let her see the sword.

THE CHAPEL – NIGHT

They realize as they become closer, that they must join heart flames to fight what is emerging in the town. The enact an ancient ceramony.

LUNEA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Lunea has a visitation in a dream by a Council of the Beings guardian that tells her that she must help Sister Anne become a saint. But they do not say how.

The Council of the Universal Beings responds and sends an Ancient female guardian – The OLD ONE to guide them as they set out to fight the hatred, bigotry, and falsehoods that is taking over.

THE VILLAGE -MONTAGE

Ongoing threats at Lunea’s store. She fights back with headlines of what is happening in the world rooted in judgement and hatred.

SCHOOL – DAY

Bullying builds at school for Athena .

ATHENA’S BEDROOM

She breaks down. (She plays the violin as a healing.) Lunea walks in listens and they have a deep talk about the horrors of the ward and humanity.

STREET SCENE

Athena begins to skip school and befriends the Old One (woman) in the street. She plays the violin with the Old One to help raise some money for her.

LUNEA’S HOME – NIGHT

Athena tells Lunea she has met an old woman who is living on the street and she wants to bring her some food.

Lunea goes with her. The Woman is homeless. Lunea and Athena bring her home.

The Old One announces she knows the Ancient ways of magical healing.

ACT 3:

THE CHURCH – NIGHT

The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives the tools needed.

TIME TUNNEL MONTAGE

The realize they both witness Jesus’ crucifixion and wept together.

They travel further and see the war images of burnt homes.

They find a profound secret from the burning times when they both were burned as witches. They see Athena as a small child having witnessed their death. They both break down and weep. The Council of universal beings lead them forward.

They carry back to the present the flames of the fire that burnt them centuries ago, knowing the sacred healing heart of the witch’s goddesses were instilled in the flames.

THE CHURCH – NIGHT

They place the flame at the foot of Jesus where the sword lays. A miraculous image of the flaming sword appears.

Midpoint Turning Point:

LUNEA’S HOME-NIGHT

The Old One performs a powerful ceremony- “The fusing of the souls between Lunea and Anne to fight evil.

They commit to never betray each other – no matter what.

VILLAGE STREETS – DAY

The people in the town discover that their Nun and the Witch are secretly friends and begin to plan to attack Lunea and her daughter Athena.

SCHOOL – DAY

Athena is rejected even more and bullied in school.

TOWNS PUB – NIGHT

The town’s hatred grows against all of them.

CHURCH – DAY

The brutal discrimination and hatred building forces Anne to stand in her power speak her heartfelt truth and carry out the mission Father Sinclair was never able to do.To unite the heart of humanity.

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father Sinclair and Sister Anne have a breakthrough moment and he gives her his diary – where he struggled as a preacher and the truths he discovered but kept secret. She reads his words.

Father Sinclair instructs Lunea to join the church.

FIELD – NIGHT

Sister Anne and Lunea meet by the mare who trots over. Lunea helps her up. Lunea opens the gates and Sister Anne rides the horse free through the feild and forest.

CHURCH – DAY

Athena and Lunea sit in the back of the church. People turn around and give her a doubtful somewhat rejecting glance. Sister Anne watches.

PARISH KITCHEN- NIGHT

Sister Anne and Father Sinclair’s ghost continue to discuss what to do.

Sister Anne asks Lunea to share an ancient prayer /text sacred text to the congregation in a Sunday sermon.

Anne reads the Egyptian book of The but doesn’t say where it comes from until she is finished.

Congregation walks out enraged.

Turning Point:

HILL – NIGHT

Lunea and Anne that night steal the church’s crucifix and carry it ceremoniously up the hill to the stone statue that strangely looks more and morel like the open arms of Mother Mary. They place the sword in her arms and a small gold crucifix at her heart.

They spend the night hand in hand – two souls gazing up at the heavens .

TOWN STREETS – DAY MONTAGE

The congregation finds out gossip grows.

TOWN STREETS – NIGHT

Town people enraged seek Anne and Lunea out with a protest march- they burn down Lunea’s store.

Lunea and Athena hide among the street people.

CHURCH STEPS -DAY

There is a shooting on the steps of the church by a teen who has been bullying Athena from the beginning.

Both Lunea and Sister Anne take the bullet first while trying to protect Athena who has run over to help the Old One up the stairs.

But all three are shot.

Old One vanishes.

Long silence.

Lunea collapses on top of Sister Anne who covers Athena body all lay bleeding on the steps.

CHURCH STEPS – DAY

It looks like a miracle because Athena’s bullet wound is healed by both Lunea’s and Sister Anne’s hands on the wound when a glow of light appears in front of everyone just before. Athena raises her head to see – Sister Anne and Lunea dead. He weeping is chilling.

The townspeople have witnessed the miracle. They never really know who did the healing of Athena –

Athena turns to them and speaks- now as a powerful leader .

The spirits of the heavens appear at that moment as Star Beings, Angels, and cloaked Ancients from the Universal Council of Beings. The townspeople have an awakening.

ACT 4:

THE HILL

They carry one large casket up the hill. Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne are buried together on the hill.

THE TIME TUNNEL (10 YEARS LATER)

Time tunnel appears again. We move forward to the door of the Future. It opens slightly and we see an image of Athena at the pulpit as the new preacher of the church.

She wears the sign of the pagan moon and christian sun cross on either side of her preacher stole.

A glow begins on her heart space and an over lay of the goddess appears. Athena has become the goddess – returned to Earth holding the sacred flame in her heart.

Congregation listens adoringly.

THE HILL – NIGHT

The last image is a gravestone inscribed – Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity. Sound of the doves cooing and happy parrot squawk.

THE TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT

The door of time closes once again.

In the dark tunnel of remembering, a flame is lit and we see the original burial of the two Egyptian skeletons that the two female archeologists had discovered 1930’s and secretly covered back up. But now between them is the flaming sword.

The last scene is the sacred flame.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… a methodical way to make the plot really solid. I have sort of been doing this already, but this makes the process really clear and thorough!

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

• Opening: Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother — a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
• Her next client, overlapping, comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
• Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe waht she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
• Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
• Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks fly between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
• Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
• Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
• Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He wants to take her out but she refuses. She makes clear that she knows who he is – his criminal ways – and she doesn’t trust him. He asks her what would make her change her mind.
• Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise
• Roy comes back having followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. He ends up spending the night
• Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
• Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

• Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse in the middle of the night.
• Gilbert pays Roy a morning visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work.
• Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not — he stands apart, sullen.
• While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing boys.
• Gilbert discovers Daphne with Terry, her BFF from the hair salon. He has come for a card reading.
• Gilbert tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist and he tells her he has a client for her.
• Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
• The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
• Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past.
• schizophrenic client kills himself.
• Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
• Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne figures out how to get a downpayment together and a mortgage. They buy a house and move out.
• Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
• Daphne goes t a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
• Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
• Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
• At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

• Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
• Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
• Gilbert pays a visit
• Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. They pick up a young hitchhiker…
• Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
• Detective asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
• When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt to declare his loyalty.
• Roy makes a great sale at work.
• Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
• Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
• Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends.
• Roy starts neglecting his job and spending nights away from home; Daphne finds cocaine in his jacket pocket.
• Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
• Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

• Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
• Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
• Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
• Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
• at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
• In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
• Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
• Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
• After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
• Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
• Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
• Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel — someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case — if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

[Bill kellas]

Subject: Sss

Kids Trained spy’s,assassins and analysts before the fall of USSR escape into Italian cult.
Murder at Davos father killed .
Family Flee to America mom married a mafia hit man who turns states evidence so she could get citizenship .
Family shipped to Monrovia California under witness protection.
Step dad becomes a bookie for sports gambling and works out of Santa Anita Racetrack.

First day at new school confronted by football players hitting on sister
Cane and Troy demolished them and are called to the principal’s office where they meet the head coach.
They’re informed that they must play football or face expulsion.

They learn to play with help from a neighbor who played for the Rams.
They become Quarterback and receiver and developed both moves and timing patterns that knowone can defend.
After winning the championship they discovered that their sister was kidnapped and ransom is 5 million dollars.

Sooo mom and the boys start trying to make ransom money somehow .
Mom a scientist at JPL in Pasadena and Troy a genius developed state of the art transhuman cyborg that normally would be used in warfare.

While Troy is hooked to the state of the art quantum computer for problem solving and emulating systems.
They designed a plan To raise the money for Amy’s ransom .

They shave points off game’s to win money,pretend to launder and invest the cartels drug money taking slices off every stock trade and corner the cripto currencies by setting up a brokerage.
After overshooting the ransom they go on to make billions.

This gets the attention of the federal government,drug cartel and the mafia are now all after them.

Sooo They flee their home where a van hits them causing mom to break her neck, Troy to loose sight and Cane to break both his arms and legs.

That’s when The people in the van take and equipped Cane with the physical robotics,hive connection to a massive quantum computer network through neurological link. This along with armaments and drone like flying capabilities make Cane the perfect solder.

Since Cane lost his vision and can’t find where his mom is he goes back home where he meets Molly who leads he and his sister to the lord. After praying God gives him spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies.

Molly an Amy write and make songs first for church and then wins America has talent which starts a music career for both.

They help Troy recover and grow in the lord’s power to be able to enhance his other senses and see signs and wonders and do miracles like the Bible.

With the strength of Samson,the brains of Solomon and for the faith of a prophet and wonder workings of Elijah.

In the mean time Cane is getting his Cyborg capabilities up to speed by the Satanic cult that is making him a transhuman warrior.
They are building and army of transhuman soldiers who sink up as a hive controlled by the queen to conquer the world.

Troy is the only human that can stand up to Cane as the final battle is coming. Troy finds out the queen that they rebuilt is actually his long lost mom.

Cane battle Troy for the future of the world if it’s spiritual ,mechanical or technological.

Troy is killed causing Cane and his mother to pray and ask God for forgiveness as Troy is resurrected.

[Amechi Ngwe]

AMECHI’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS!

MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.

What I learned doing this assignment is the different techniques to properly flesh out my outline, going forwards and backwards.

Beginning: Rhapsody beats up a group of thugs who attack her and sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.

Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.

Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym and can’t get a ride home that night.

Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and after a heated argument about how to be a hero, he sends her home.

Kanaan is followed down the street by a cop car. He doesn’t look at it. It speeds away. (His mother was spying on him.)

Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life.

Inciting Incident: Black Star is injured helping Kanaan and allows Kanaan to help him get home.

Kanaan meets Mars, Black Star’s helper and assistant and they carry him inside to give him treatment.

Rhapsody sees Kanaan in their home and attacks him to get the truth about what happened to Black Star. Kanaan tells her about the weapon and can identify the tattoos of the man who had it.

Rhapsody blames herself for not being there for Black Star and he agrees. Rhapsody is concerned about presenting as a hero but she is deathly afraid of losing her status as Black Star’s sidekick.

Mars pretends sincerity and concern. He also cuts people and himself down with witty and degrading remarks. He wishes he could be heroic, but is only a teacher now at his advanced age.

Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.

Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.

Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.

Kanaan and Rhapsody go back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area.

Rhapsody and Kanaan catch the guy who shot Black Star. After he calls Black Star weak, Rhapsody violently kills him. Kanaan lets another guy go against her command. Rhapsody didn’t want any witnesses and is angry with him. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home and steals the guy’s phone. Kanaan steals some explosives.

Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him.

Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.

Black Star’s mentor trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence.

Rhapsody argues with Black Star about her role with him. Black Star is a man of steel, cool, tough, ruthless, a great hero. / He is often a caricature of the hero, too big for a real person to live up to. He is holding Rhapsody back instead of helping her to grow.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.

Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives.

Kanaan steals the phone from Rhapsody and heads out to find out who the guy’s bosses were. Mars follows him.

Mars and Kanaan hang out together. Kanaan wants to be a hero, but must get over his guilt. He presents as a helper, but his ideas and actions often get in the way.

Kanaan discovers that the man knows someone who works for the Mayor.

Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.

Kanaan joins the Mayor’s street team for one of his charities to get information on who in his administration is working with the criminals to deal weapons.

Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Black Star, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.

Rhapsody warns Kanaan that he cannot be one of them. She’s skeptical of his intentions.

Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights. He is becoming darker and angrier.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.

Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.

Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor. Kanaan stays to comfort him and Rhapsody leaves.

Kanaan goes to have dinner with his family and Rhapsody follows him and crashes the party.

Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to leave but she pretends that the two of them are in a relationship, getting close to his family in the process. Rhapsody learns the neighborhood that Kanaan lives in by questioning his mother.

Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.

Kanaan tells his mother that she doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s almost got his dream job.

Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.

Rhapsody gets Kanaan to admit his criminal past in front of his family. They know about it, but it’s painful for him to relive it.

Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she’s going to tell Black Star what he confessed to. Kanaan is sad but wants to keep working with them. He needs that purpose in his life.

Mars agrees to do something for Black Star because Rhapsody is missing, at dinner with Kanaan’s family.
Mars is killed being a hero one final time.

Kanaan returns to the gym. This time he fights back, injuring the student who has been beating him up, and then taking down his friend who is teaching the class.

Rhapsody apologizes to Kanaan and invites her along to steal proof of the Mayor’s misdeeds. He accepts and goes along.

Rhapsody takes Kanaan to the Mayor’s penthouse. He tries to bond with her. She leaves him behind and he is almost killed by security.

Rhapsody has Kanaan’s address and goes to his apartment. She confronts the guys in the street who she beats up in the opening scene.

Rhapsody explores Kanaan’s apartment and sees he has an unhealthy obsession with Black Star. Kanaan’s apartment explodes while Rhapsody is inside.

Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.

Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.

Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.

Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?

Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.

Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.

Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.

Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.

Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.

Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.

Black Star confronts the Mayor. His aide must go to jail for what he’s done. The Mayor says that Black Star needs to discipline Rhapsody in return for what she has done.

Rhapsody is furious when she sees Kanaan in a superhero costume similar to hers.

Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.

Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him.

Rhapsody fights Kanaan. He criticizes himself and his past, but wonders if punishing himself forever is the right path.

Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes Rhapsody is knocked into the river, seemingly dead.

Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.

Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.

Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.

Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.

Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.

Resolution: Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her.

[CLAIRE RILEY]

ASSIGNMENT 4

Claire’s New Outline Beats!

MY VISION:

I have a fabulous career as a screenwriter working in both TV and film, and I have tremendous creative, financial, and personal success. I specialize in female driven projects, and I am the go-to-girl for writing lesbian stories.

WHAT I LEARNED: I really struggled with the outline for the Thriller script. I got stuck and could not find my way out of it. My mind was making up stories like I can’t do this, I’m never going to finish this, etc.

Luckily, I remembered that this happens most of the time when I am outlining a script. At a certain point, or at multiple points, I get stuck. It feels like I’ll never figure it out. But I eventually do.

I learned that I need to recognize this getting stuck as a normal part of the process of outlining a script, and stop making up unhelpful stories about myself and my writing ability. Once I understood that, I was able to move forward.

THRILLER SCRIPT

Act 1:

PJ: A scene with Eve doing CIA agent stuff. Let’s see her escape from somewhere and also fight. [This scene introduces Eve and sets up that she is a badass.]

PJ: Eve and Debbie are at a diner on a date. They are clearly in love. Debbie asks Eve a question that she evades. Debbie notes she evaded the question. A waitress who obviously knows them makes a joke about how in love they are.

AJ: Someone is watching them. Who? Why?

PJ: Eve and Debbie are dancing together on the street. They seem delighted with each other. Debbie asks what are you not telling me. Eve evades her again.

AJ: Debbie’s ex-husband attacks Debbie. Eve fights him off and rescues Debbie.

Inciting Incident:

Debbie asks who are you that you can fight like that? Debbie and Eve fight because Eve is secretive. Debbie breaks up with Eve

PJ: At home, Eve sends Debbie texts and leaves vms to reconcile. She apologizes for being secretive and wants to be more open. Her texts go unanswered.

AJ: Someone is watching Eve in her home.

PJ: Eve feels groggy and collapses.

AJ: Eve wakes, feel groggy and realizes she slept a long time. What happened?

PJ: Eve checks her phone. Debbie has not responded to her messages. Eve makes a call to say she’ll be late.

AJ: Eve notices texts she does not remember sending. What happened last night?

Deeper Level: Eve goes to her office. She is a CIA agent.

PJ: Eve tells her co-worker, Julie, that Debbie broke up with her. Julie is supportive. Eve tells her she thinks she was drugged. Julie tells her to get a blood test.

TP 1

AJ: While getting blood drawn, Eve sees a TV news report: Debbie’s been kidnapped.

Act 2:

AJ: Patty, Debbie’s widowed mother, cries on TV, begging the kidnappers to release her daughter.

Debbie is in a small room. She wakes and is groggy. A man wearing a mask enters and tells her she is safe and everything will be fine.

PJ: Eve talks to Julie about Debbie’s kidnapping. Do you think it’s my fault? Could it be someone I investigated? Julie says that was in the past. This is different. Eve wants to go find Debbie herself. Julie suggests she work with the FBI.

AJ: The lead FBI agent, Dirk Wilson, interviews Patty. She gives background on Debbie, 32, teacher, good Christian, divorced.

PJ: Eve goes to Debbie’s house, meets Agent Marra. She tells him she is a CIA agent, she and Debbie are lovers, and last night Debbie’s ex tried to abduct Debbie. He thanks her and says he will investigate the ex-husband. She wants to search Debbie’s house. He won’t allow it.

AJ: Agent Marra brings in Debbie’s ex for questioning. He does not have an alibi. He says he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Protecting?

PJ: Eve comes into the FBI office at their request. She thinks they have info on Debbie. Instead, she meets Agent Wilson who asks her to clear up some confusion.

Deeper layer: Agent Wilson says Patty told them Debbie was dating a man. Eve says Debbie didn’t tell her mother about their relationship. She wouldn’t approve.

AJ: Agent Wilson tells Eve Debbie’s ex said he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Eve does not understand. Agent Wilson shows her a video of Patty’s interview:

Deeper Level: On the tape, Agent Wilson tells Patty that Eve said they were lovers. Patty says that is not true. Eve was stalking Debbie, but Debbie was not interested in a romantic relationship with Eve. She is not homosexual.

Debbie is forced to watch heterosexual porn.

PJ: Eve is stunned and says Patty is lying. She can prove she and Debbie were involved. She looks through her phone but can’t find any pictures with her and Debbie. She does not understand what is happening.

AJ: Agent Wilson shows Eve text messages that Eve sent to Debbie last night. Some of these texts make it appear that Eve was stalking Debbie. Eve recognizes some texts but says she did not send others.

PJ: She says she has a witness, a co-worker. Wilson says she would lie for you. A waitress at a diner she and Debbie frequent.

AJ: The FBI take Eve to the waitress from previous evening. Waitress says she never saw Debbie and Eve together, but in the past, they were at the diner at the same time at separate tables. Eve is devastated.

Midpoint:

FBI arrest Eve for kidnapping Debbie

Act 3:

Deeper level: A man watches a TV report about Eve’s arrest. Who is he?

Eve’s co-worker, Julie, sees the same news report.

Debbie is forced to watch lesbian porn and is given shock therapy during it.

AJ: FBI interrogate Eve. Her GPS shows the previous night she drove to Debbie’s home and then to isolated woods. Did she kill Debbie and dump her body?

PJ: Eve freaks out. She did not kidnap or kill Debbie. She is a CIA agent. If she wanted to kidnap and kill someone, she’d know how to cover her tracks. Obviously, she’s been set up. You’re wasting time. Where is Debbie? Why aren’t you looking for her?

AJ: A man comes to the FBI and says he is Debbie’s boyfriend and she told him a woman was stalking her. He picks Eve out of a lineup.

PJ: Eve tells the agent that she believed she was drugged last night so she had a blood test at the CIA office. If she was drugged, she could not have kidnapped Debbie. Agent Wilson tells Agent Marra to investigate the blood test.

AJ: Agent Wilson asks Patty why Debbie didn’t report the stalking. Patty urged Debbie not to report it because she believed Eve was sick. She encouraged Debbie to pray for Eve instead. Patty cries thinking it was her fault. Wilson comforts her.

Major Reveal: The man who was watching news report of Eve’s arrest comes into the FBI office. He is Eve’s father. He is a famous psychiatrist who promotes using conversion therapy to “cure” queer people.

He tells Wilson and Marra, that when Eve was a teen he forced her into conversion therapy, but she ran away and joined the military. He believes she has mental and emotional problems, but he does not think she could have kidnapped Debbie. She was never violent toward women, but he might knows who kidnapped Debbie.

Major Reveal: Roger says there is a group that kidnaps queer people and puts them through forced conversion therapy. He thinks these people might have kidnapped Debbie. She fits the profile from an ultra-religious family. He thinks they should investigate this group. He gives them information on the group.

Major Reveal: Agent Wilson tells Roger five years ago a woman Eve was involved with was murdered. They never found the killer. Roger is stunned. He asks to see Eve.

Outside of the room with Eve’s father, Agent Wilson tells Marra to look into this group that forced conversion therapy on queer people. Marra says, you’re not serious. I know how you feel about women like her. Wilson says my feelings about women like her have nothing to do with this investigation. We will follow all leads.

PJ: Roger enters the interrogation room. Eve is stunned. She has not seen him in years. He asks her if she kidnapped and killed Debbie. She is angry. She says no. I love her and I want to get out of here to find her. He asks about the woman who was murdered five years ago. She is upset. She thinks that people she was investigating in [Bosnia] killed her.

She accuses him of still hating her for being gay and coming here to finish what he started when she was a teen.

He I don’t think you kidnapped Debbie but I think I know who did.

Debbie is forced to watch porn. During lesbian porn she is shocked. During heterosexual porn. She is given soothing music and messages.

PJ: Julie arrives and is met by Agent Marra. She has the results of a blood test that shows Eve was drugged last night and could not have kidnapped Debbie. Marra says the lab would lie for her. She shows him pictures of herself and Eve and Debbie. She could have photoshopped. Julie asks to see Wilson. Marra refuses. She storms out.

PJ: Eve is stunned. (Roger told her about the group that kidnaps queer people and forces conversion therapy on them). She asks why would they kidnap Debbie? Roger says the family usually asks that the person be kidnapped. Her family?

PJ: Eve tells Agent Wilson she wants to confront Patty. Wilson says Patty is a sweet old Christian lady. Wilson gets a text from a CIA big shot with the results of Eve’s blood test. She was drugged. Eve says this proves she could not have kidnapped Debbie.

PJ: Eve asks again could they go to talk to Patty. He agrees.

AJ: Patty acts like she is a sweet victim. Wilson doesn’t believe Eve.

Turning Point: As they are taking Eve back to jail, she escapes.

Act 4

AJ: FBI chases Eve. She gets away from them.

AJ: kidnappers chases Eve.

PJ: Eve loses the kidnappers then follows them back to where they are holding Debbie.

Debbie is distraught. A man chastises her for not accepting her treatment and taking the next step in her recovery. He shows her lingerie. She shakes in fear.

PJ: Eve rescues Debbie. Debbie is so happy to see Eve.

PJ: Eve contacts the FBI to tell them she found Debbie and is taking her to the hospital. Wilson says there is an ABP out on you. For your safety, we will come get you.

AJ: Agent Marra is the first to show up at the location. He tries to kill both Eve but she shoot him. He is part of the group.

Wilson arrives and Marra says she shot me. Wilson figures out Marra shot first and arrests Marra

PJ: Wilson takes Debbie and Eve to the hospital. Debbie is treated for shock and emotional distress. Eve is treated for her injuries.

Climax:

PJ: Patty arrives and acts innocent and happy to see Debbie. Eve confronts Patty and tricks her into confessing. [HOW DOES SHE TRICK HER?]

Resolution:

Eve and Debbie share a hospital room. Eve asks Debbie to marry her.

HORROR SCRIPT

Act 1

AJ: A patient in a mental hospital violently kills her psychiatrist.

Deeper Level: Reveals a scene from a TV series. They are at an abandoned mental hospital that is on an isolated island accessible only by a drawbridge.

Sybil, the director has an interview with an entertainment news show and reveals she is investigating the murder of a psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. The patient, a black woman, was portrayed as a vicious killer, but her family said she was never violent. She was a kind and gentle woman. Something at the hospital made her kill.

Deeper Level: News reporter says locals report the abandoned hospital is haunted and there was a murder/suicide in 1980. Asks Sybil: Are you sure you want to stay?

PJ: Maeve, Sybil’s wife, arrives on the set and is overcome by a dark energy and faints. When she recovers, she says she is okay but does not mention the dark energy.

AJ: Strange things happen on the set. Animals act funny. No cell phone reception. No wifi. Power goes out.

PJ: The dark energy overwhelms Maeve again. Diana encourage Maeve to say what’s really going on. Maeve tells Diana and Zora she is a psychic and she senses a dark energy and wants to leave. Zora tells her to tell Sybil. She says Sybil won’t believe her and will only lead to a fight. Diana says tell her anyway. You have to stand up to her.

PJ: Maeve tells Sybil about the dark energy and suggests everyone leave. Sybil argues with her and dismisses her experience. Diana encourages Sybil to listen to Maeve.

Turning Point: Zora goes crazy and kills her wife, Diana.

Act 2:

PJ: Maeve suggest they all leave. The dark energy caused the death.

Audrey scoffs, says ridiculous, this is a mental/emotional issue. Sybil agrees with Audrey.

PJ: Maeve, Libby and Regina try to leave. The drawbridge is up and is now inoperable because the power is out. They cannot leave.

Major Reveal: Maeve tells Libby and Regina that she was possessed as a child and had an exorcism. Regina asks how she got free of it.

Flashback: A group of women surround young Maeve with loving energy. One of the women exorcises the spirit from Maeve.

AJ: Zora tries to kill herself. She seems possessed again. They stop her.

PJ: Maeve restates that there is a dark energy and suggests they have a séance. Sybil and Audrey dismiss her.

PJ: Maeve investigates the murder suicide in 1980.

Deep Level: Maeve finds a journal written by a lesbian couple who, in 1980, investigated the murder of the psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. One of them became possessed and killed the other and then wrote that she was going to kill herself.

Midpoint Turning Point: Regina is possessed and murders her wife, Libby.

Act 3:

PJ: Maeve tells everyone that she believes the women were possessed and caused to kill their spouses.

Audrey says there is something wrong with Maeve. She’s delusional. Sybil agrees and says Maeve wants attention.

Deep Reveal: Alison, Audrey’s wife, tells everyone that Audrey and Sybil are having and affair and that’s why Audrey is saying there is something wrong with Maeve.

Audrey and Alison fight.

PJ: Maeve confronts Sybil about their relationship. They fight and break up.

AJ: Audrey is possessed and kills her wife Alison.

PJ: Maeve has a séance. She wants to reach the spirit of the patient who murdered her doctor. She believes she is possessing the women and forcing them to kill.

AJ: Maeve has trouble reaching the patient/murderer. She feels the dark energy come between them.

PJ: Maeve sends loving energy to the spirit of the patient/murderer, and she comes through and tells Maeve the truth.

Flashback to what really happened. The evil psychiatrist is using electric shock therapy on her patient. The woman is screaming in pain. The doctor laughs and says horrible things to her about being queer. The nurse tries to stop it. The doctor pushes her away. The patient’s hair gives off smoke. The nurse sets her free. The patient stabs the doctor to death and then thanks the nurse for saving her.

Deep Layer: The woman murdered her doctor because the doctor was “treating” her for being queer, but was really torturing her. She hates lesbians. And she, not the patient, has been possessing the women and forcing them to kill their own wives. It’s double horror for the women and double pleasure for her.

Turning Point:

AJ: Maeve feels herself being possessed.

Act 4:

PJ: Maeve asks the survivors to help her by sending her loving energy. She fights off the ghost of the evil psychiatrist and does not allow it to possess her. It shows itself. It is ugly and angry.

AJ: The ghost possesses Sybil.

Climax

PJ: Maeve, Zora, Regina and Audrey surround Sybil with loving energy. Maeve exorcises the spirit from Sybil. It is gone.

Resolution:

The power comes back on.

Maeve gets the survivors together, Sybil, Zora, Regina and Audrey, and gets them off the island.

The power comes back.

Sybil got her story

Sybil apologizes and asks Maeve to forgive her.

Maeve forgives her but does not want to get back together. She is no longer under Sybil’s thumb.

What are we going to tell the authorities? Don’t know.

[Sybil smiles. She is still possessed.]

[Kevin Cunningham]

Kevin Cunningham’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: By making my high-quality writing and speaking known in many venues (the Industry, Youtube, podcasts, books), I will create a reputation as a profoundly powerful, thoughtful, and skilled writer, and be sought after for new and rewrite activities at the highest levels.

What I learned from doing this assignment: I kind of skirted this exercise. But a key insight I got by struggling with the exercise was that I needed to account for more of the forces arrayed against Mukki – there are multiple forces of antagonism. For now, I’ve spent most of my effort on identifying those forces, but now need to integrate them into the plot structure. That’s a taller order than just working out the step-logic this second. I will work on it separately. That should also help me re-introduce the comic/satiric aspect of the piece.

——

Concept: A woke New England town votes to give their land back to the Native American tribe they stole it from centuries before – putting leadership of the town in the hands of a clueless slacker Native teen

Implicit Concept: Even when they try to help the Natives, the whites can’t help but try to screw them over.

Main Conflict: A slacker Native teen, appointed leader of a town, must overcome his own immaturity and many competing partisan forces to successfully keep the town out of breakdown and bankruptcy, and protect his tribe’s future.

——

Forces Allied Against Mukki:

– Land Developers: Mr. Fox, Town Business Leaders

– Extreme Progressives: Left wing, want to destroy the “tyrannous patriarchy”, organized by Jessie Masnubic

– Extreme Conservatives: Right-wing, want to destroy the “radical Marxist left”, rally behind grouchy older selectman

– Moderates: “trying to do the right thing” but inept and impersonal, epitomized by buffeted selectman

– Older People: “our town is going down the tubes”

– Young People: “it’s our time, a time for change”

– Tribal Bullies: arrogant boys / pretty girls / conservative leaders who think Mukki is a joke

Forces Helping Mukki:

– Caring People: Mrs. Fox, the Selectman

– Wholesome Teens: Alison Fox, other teenage allies

– Mentors: Mr. Fox, Mukki’s Grandfather

Core structure of Mukki’s journey:

1) avoiding helping tribe

2) thrust into role of representing tribe

3) must fight mutiple forces (minor victories but bigger losses):

– bureaucrats

– conservatives

– progressives

– land developers

– all the while battling with self as well …

4) lets go of “what he knows” and tries new things

5) finds that the chief antagonist is more central/personal a threat than he thought:

– father of his love interest

– his mentor/father figure

6) finds that what he’s fighting for is more important than he thought:

– his tribe’s future is at stake

– his lover’s and friend’s homes/fortunes at stake

– his identity at stake

7) he defeats the enemy:

– overcomes the forces he lost to – wins over bureaucrats he spurned earlier

– wins over the important people, and the people important to him, esp. love interest

– even turns the villain

8) things ironically return to normal due to legal technicality

– but he’s grown now, in a more solid place, tribe’s future in his hands

Four-Act Structure

Protagonist: Mukki (Native American Teenager)

Antagonist: Drew Fox (Mormon Real Estate Entrepreneur)

Antag Beginning: Mr. Fox is at the top of his game, but his wife lays it down: time to retire and be with family!

Antag Inciting Incident: As a final triumph, Mr. Fox decides to develop town lands into retirement havens, so he can retire there himself.

Deeper Layer: Mr. Fox is actually running a detailed scheme to get possession of the land for himself – to develop a retirement oasis for his wife and family.

Antag Turning Point 1: Mr. Fox’s efforts at Town Hall are rebuffed in no uncertain terms by the woke tree-huggers there.

Antag Act 2: Mr. Fox schemes to get his development – meets with Native builder, undermines town development officer

Act 1:

Protag Beginning: Mukki lazily supports his marginal tribe’s trivial efforts to make money at the Powwow.

Opening:

– Mukki asleep awkwardly on his cot, his mom comes in and urges him to get up (in Native language); Mukki sighs; he reaches for his pants; she shakes her head no; she tosses him colorful native garb; Mukki frowns

– 1970s 8mm footage: 6-year-old Mr. Fox dresses in Indian garb, turns to face other kids, who are dressed as cowboys and move forward menacingly; Mr. Fox swallows hard

– Mukki stumbles toward a crowd of other natives, pulling on his colorful costume awkwardly; tumbles; gets up and races along: joins them just in time as they do a “Grand Entry” — it’s a traditional powwow; in the audience, clueless touristy white folks (including one or two of Mukki’s high school classmates); Mukki stops short as he comes up to Alana, the Powwow Princess — beautiful in her native garb; Mukki is trampled by the tribesmen behind him; he looks up, mud on his face; the white attendees point at him and laugh

[- Jessie Masnubic directs a group of high schoolers in an all-white production of a play about Tom Sawyer — Tom, Huck Finn, and Injun Joe — all played by white girls, including Alison Fox as Tom.]

– Mukki, humiliated, plays video games, avoids native culture, pines for Powwow Princess.

– Mukki’s native tribe is troubled with opioid addiction, threatening their meager numbers.

– The Fox family prepares for retirement.

– Jessie Masnubic leads a cabal of rabid towsnfolk in a plan for a big push on Town Meeting motions:

1. changing “Selectmen” to “Select Board”

2. changing the state flag (Massachusetts) to get rid of the oppressed Indian image

3. changing “Columbus Day” to “Indigenous People’s Day”

4. whatever else they can get through

Protag Inciting Incident: In school, Mukki’s peers decide to push for Native land recognition

Inciting Incident:

– Urged on by activist highschoolers, Town Meeting puts forward a motion to not only switch from Columbus Day, but to go all the way and turn over their land to the natives.

– The vote is even. Mr. Fox unexpectedly casts the deciding vote – and the motion passes! Everyone is astounded!

Protag Turning Point 1: The Town votes to not only recognize the tribe, but to hand over the land to them!

Antag Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mr. Fox casts the deciding vote in Town Meeting to give the land to the Natives.

Surface Layer: The Town struggles to stand for “what’s right” – i.e., reparations for the conquered Natives. Mr. Fox, influenced by his family-oriented wife and progressive daughter, is finally persuaded to do the right thing and vote for the land exchange. But conservatives in town fight it, and strident Progressives want to go even further, so life is in upheaval.

Turning Point:

– Mukki’s tribe discusses what to do – the grandfather must cope with the opioid crisis.

– The grandfather assigns Mukki to serve as the tribe’s representative – and run the town!

– Mukki is appointed sachem (quickly co-opted to “Mayor”) of the town

Act 2:

Protag Act 2: Mukki is assigned to run the town by his grandfather, who is busy dealing with opioid issues in the tribe.

Reaction (new plan):

– Mukki tries to figure out how the town runs – everybody tries to advise him.

– Mukki decides it isn’t too hard, just run the meetings – but he has no clue how to do this.

Plan in action:

– Mukki doesn’t listen to the town employees, but instead tries to follow all the political groups.

– Mukki at a big meeting fails catastrophically – flails on all the issues.

Deep Story Influences Surface Story: Each sequence of the transfer of land proceeds according to Mr. Fox’s plan, but seems to be the “triumph” of this or that Town group – on one hand, conservatives, at other times, Progressives. Even Mukki thinks he’s being successful for a while, and Mr. Fox’s daughter congratulates him and falls in love with him – but Mr. Fox had arranged that victory too!

Hints: We see Mr. Fox meeting with various people, apparently about unrelated development projects. We know Mr. Fox is in the middle of plans by Mukki and the town, but is mysteriously above the fray; he seems resistant to being a visible leader – is it humility? that would be uncharacteristic…. Certain Town leaders are promoted or canned for obscure reasons, suggesting some kind of behind-the-scenes action. It is unclear by whom!

Protag Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mukki fails colossally to bring the town together – but things get worse

Midpoint Turning Point:

– The Town Accountant reports: the town is deeply in debt, and will go broke soon if they can’t pay.

– Everyone in town turns against Mukki, fearful for the loss of their homes and their cherished projects.

– Because the natives own the town, the crisis is on them: if they fail, they will lose ALL their land!!

Act 3:

Protag Act 3: Mukki tries “Native ways” to get the town in order

Antag Act 3: Mr. Fox works with Mukki and others to transition the land successfully, while undermining it behind the scenes.

Rethink everything:

– Mukki decides to work with his peers and centrists, rather than the hostile grownups/politicians.

– Mukki turns also to his grandfather to seek out native wisdom, which he’s pooh-poohed his whole life. He awkwardly learns his native heritage; the grandfather rolls his eyes multiple times as he teaches the old ways.

New plan:

– Mukki tries to enact some simple approaches – a bake sale? selfless contributions?

– Mukki decides to work with the town employees and volunteers, who know how to run the town.

– The politicians and townsfolk try to take matters into their own hands – and anarchy ensues.

Protag Turning Point 3: Native ways too fail, but Mukki has to make it work or his tribe loses everything!

Antag Turning Point 3: The Town is desperately broke and the Natives will lose everything: Mr. Fox proposes a casino.

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:

– Mukki and his new allies can’t figure out a way to pay the debts.

– Mr. Fox suggests a path: sell the land for a casino.

– To save the town (and the tribe) from massive debt, they have one choice: to sell off their homeland!

Act 4:

Protag Act 4 Climax: Mukki uses video game skills and his sleuthing friends to discover that Mr. Fox was behind it all.

Antag Act 4 Climax: Mr. Fox is revealed by his own daughter to be the schemer, and Mukki defeats him.

Major Reveal: Mr. Fox’s secret dealings are revealed upon investigation by Mukki and Mr. Fox’s daughter – from a shifty Native construction developer and Mukki’s Grandfather, they find that Mr. Fox intentionally put the land into Native hands, so they could default! Mr. Fox’s daughter confronts her father.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

– Alison (Fox’s daughter) is at home, forlorn, as her mother gardens. Her mother encourages her to look to the land (Morman Utah land story). “The land? Of course!” Alison has a suspicion and goes with Mukki to confront her father.

– Mukki realizes that Mr. Fox had engineered this whole crisis for his own ends: Mr. Fox owns the company that would make a huge profit out of buying up the land dirt cheap!

– Mukki brings the townsfolk together as a team in the common cause of saving their town. He uses the skills his grandfather taught him — and his video gaming knowledge.

– They discover that, though the colonist’s had stolen the land from his tribe, his tribe had themselves stolen it from another tribe before that. This negates the original transfer to his tribe!

– The town reverts to its previous legal status and picks up where it left off – able to pay its debt.

Protag Resolution: The Historian reveals that the town should really go to a different tribe. Mukki can retire.

Antag Resolution: Mr. Fox lands on his feet anyway – he was rich to begin with!

Changes Reality: Once it’s seen that Mr. Fox is in cahoots with sleazy developers, the whole sequence of action becomes clear. People all have contempt for Mr. Fox (do they burn down his retirement house?) But does Mr. Fox also have a change of heart (when his daughter talks deeply to him) – and arranges to send the sleazes to jail?

Resolution:

– Mukki has taught the town new ways of working together, discovered and valued his native heritage, and found new friends/lovers. Mr. Fox fails to destroy the town for his sneaky business deal. The Powwow Princess steps forward for Mukki, but he takes Alison’s hand (awkwardly?).

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Cunningham.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Cunningham.

[Tom Wilson]

Tom’s New Outline Beats!

When discussing projects with producers, I suggest wild scenes that work.

Doing this assignment, I learned a clever way to “fill in” the plot.

Title: A BETTER DAY

Genre: Drama – Thriller

Concept: A scientist battles a pharma CEO to save a town from alien drugs that enslave them.

ACT 1: Taliban ambush Navy Seals Protag John and Mel who is wounded. John saves his life. When John carried Mel to a field hospital, he’s amazed when Mel spouts an unknown language and behaves violently. When Mel’s operated on, a surgeon finds a mysterious med-dispensing pod in Mel’s body. At their service ends, John accompanies Mel home to their small town in Idaho. Mel’s pharma CEO father Antag Phil cares for him in his private medical facility where Phil forbids visitors even John who discovers his dad Antag Phil implanted the pod in his son’s body to learn how alien drugs affect him.

John who’s a chemical engineer goes to work for BioPlus, where flamboyant Phil is CEO. John seeks products the pharma can manufacture from unearthly produce BioPlus cultivates. John’s dad Sam runs production and is Phil’s right hand man. Rosen is a troublesome foreman who supervisors the pharma’s workers. Abe, who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the strange seeds, is an awkward assistant to Phil. John reunites with his sweetheart Susan, who is her father the Sheriff’s deputy.

Inciting Incident One day after work, John is surprised to find Mel asleep in the backseat of his car. When he wakes him up, Mel becomes dangerously violent. When John calms him down, Mel says he escaped. He’s tired Phil runs tests to determine the effects of the unusual meds the pod dispensed in his body.

John calls the sheriff to report this. Phil arrives and persuades John to hang up. Phil explains he grew up poor who grew food so his family could eat beside their trailer. One day he hiked to the lake atop a mountain to fish when he founds a strange box floating. Inside he found hermetically sealed exterritorial seeds. The container downloaded a hologram of Abe, a humanoid figure who resembles Phil.

Turning Point 1 Towns people behave weird. Rosen blames Abe. Threatens to unionize.

Act 2 New Plan John fights with Phil to do something. Phil lets John examine pod samples. John insists they cleanse everyone’s pod. Everyone’s pod is sanitized. Loaded with natural stuff.

Plan in Action People revert to weird behavior. Abe blames Rosen. Rosen blames Abe.

John locks himself in the control room. Sends a command to dump all pod contents. Cold turkey.

Everyone goes crazy. They fight among themselves.

Midpoint Turning Point Total failure. Towns people lay siege to BioPlus. End is nigh.

Act 3 Rethink Everything John and Mel hike to the lake and find seeds that have begun to sprout.

New Plan The quickly grind them up and distribute them among the town leaders. They respond favorably. The rest of the people agree to use the new batch.

Turning Point Huge Failure / Major Shift Everyone reacts poorly. John discovers Rosen sabotaged the batch. They quickly reverse and get the original pristine produce activated in everyone. Saves the day.

Act 4 Climax / Ultimate expression of the conflict Rosen and Phil attacks the others. Abe saves John and Mel at the last minute.

Resolution Abe jumps on Phil’s burning funeral pyre and sails out on the lake. All pods are removed from the towns people. John and Susan are married. John and Mel start manufacturing genuinely good dietary products.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Tom Wilson.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Edward Brown]

Edward Brown basic plot continues without gaps

I am getting this with a board

going up and down, I realized need more at end for this is pilot for BW to create suspense

[Kevin Patrick Goulet]

Module 4, Lesson 4 – Kevin Patrick Goulet’s – New Outline Beats. 7.27.22

MY VISION: Develop successful screenplay writing method which helps me create complete screenplays- viewed as PRO, story-telling level quality leading to sales, production and more screenwriting opportunities. Rinse and repeat, many times over.

WHAT I LEARNED: l need to continue finding the necessary story-driving ‘BEATS’, especially relevant, emotional moments from the past. Because this is a “Present-Past” approach Bio-Pic, I have definite ‘Time-Jumps’. Are ‘Time Jumps’ and ‘Logic Jumps’ the same thing? Time Jumps contribute to the telling of the main story that revolves around the happenings of 1965.

Still finding/filling holes in the story outline; trying to make sense of what puzzle pieces are needed and which ones are superfluous. Have to keep reminding myself- can’t fit an entire 47 year life into a 2 hr. story/screenplay… but it’s starting to take shape.

FINDING DOCTOR FUNK (The Vince Guaraldi Story).

Pianist VINCE GUARALDI, originator of the LINUS AND LUCY thematic music for Charles Schulz PEANUTS Animated television specials- lived a far, too brief 47 years. This is his story.

Genre: Drama/Bio-Pic. (Present-Past approach)

0

ACT 1:

• Beginning: Born July 17, 1928. (Relevance beyond a time marker? Probably not necessary).

• Summer 1932: VINCE (age 4) lying on a throw rug in his Mom’s house/family room listening to music of the day (1932): Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington, Irving Berlin, Artie Shaw on an old standup (large piece of furniture) radio.

• Vince Sees parents’ combustible marriage imploding.

• Vince’s Father VINCENT: walks out, abandoning the family.

• Mother CARMELLA ex-communicated from Church/Parish; Vince expelled from the Parish’s Catholic Grade School too.

• In short while, Vince’s Mother Carmella remarries a man named TONY GUARALDI who -though he adopts and gives Vince his last name ‘Guaraldi’- all but ignores the boy. The marriage falters and ultimately fails soon. Vince will be ‘raised’ primarily by Carmella and her Mom, GRANDMA ‘BIDDY’ (Jennifer).

• Vince’s Professional musician UNCLES’ JOE & ‘MUZZY’ MARCELLINO start coming around a whole lot more often. They are a heavy and good influence on Vince and his interest in music.

• (Jump to) — Winter, 1964. San Francisco, CA: Vince Guaraldi now at his best, head-lining at SF Jazz Club.

• (Simultaneously)- TV Producer LEE MENDELSON hears Guaraldi song “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” on cab car radio.

• Cab driver informs Lee Mendelson “that’s Dr. Funk” … just happens to be playing in the city that night … Mendelson has cabbie rush him to Club- Mendelson walks in, sees Vince -aka- ‘Doctor Funk’ – ‘owning the room’, the crowd, completely into his music!

– +

INCITING INCIDENT:

• [Still 1964] – Lee introduces himself to Vince during a ‘Set’ break, tells VG how much ‘he loves “Cast Your Fate…” wants Vince to compose music for the upcoming, CHARLES SCHULZ PEANUTS Special, (heretofore a newspaper comic strip only) animated program for broadcast television.

– ++

TURNING POINT 1:

• [flashback moment… (logic jump?)] – June 1946 – Vince wins H.S. Talent contest 1st prize; what will be his first real paying ‘gig’ (VG a graduating High School Senior) Summer resort/commissioned ‘gig’ in Yosemite… 1946!

• Vinces H.S. Sweetheart SHIRLEY MOSKOWITZ is as impressed as she is proud.

• And just as quickly, Vince receives draft papers for the Korean War- deploys in September, 1946.

– –

ACT 2:

• Drafted: Korean War- September, 1946. Vince Is a Cook in the Army. • He locates an old piano on the base, forms a pick-up band. Stuck in the Mess Hall as a ‘Cook’, Vince manages to entertain fellow troops w/pickup band. Even plays for GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR (who helps get Vince out of Korea to pursue Musical ambitions).

• 20 yr. old Vince returns from Korean War, 1948. He enrolls in music study at S.F. State (short lived).

• Struggles through part-time jobs… (1949)

• By happenstance, Vince meets Jazz Newspaper columnist RALPH GLEASON- gets a Job at the San Francisco Chronicle Paper as a ‘Printer’s Devil’ – handles newsprint on the giant machine in the basement of building… here is where Vince nearly looses a finger.

• Estranged Father Vincent tersely offers Vince job as an assistant mason (brick-layer), ‘No thanks’.

• Vince ‘pores over’ the great Jazz musicians at area Jazz clubs -night after night- studying their every move.

• One night a band member (piano player) ‘no shows’ at a club where Vince is watching from the ‘front row’.

• Vince is recognized by the band leader (He’s seen Vince sooo many times)… Vince gets the ‘call’, the ‘nod’ from band leader to ‘sit-in’ that moment with the band. TERRIFYING! Does he know what notes to play ?

• Vince gets lucky as he ‘wings it’ and improvises a bit on one particular tune and…

• …the Club owner is impressed with Vince’s playing! Ends up recommending Vince for a gig at another place… An even bigger club.

• Vince hears ‘bigger club gig’ :: thinks he’s off to the races!

• Turns out Vince’s ‘bigger club gig’ will be playing piano in the ‘lobby’ of a night club patrons hang out there for a short time before going in to see the real (main) act at the club. His job: covering standards of the day.

• Here, Vince will be paid the off-handed ‘compliment’ from the CLUB’s OWNER – about a particular tune he just finishes playing…: “Hey Kid- you’re playing that one almost as good as the guy who made it famous… ha ha ha!” It’s a bit of a put-down -but more so, a tremendous light bulb moment for Vince.

• This incident begins Vince’s true ascent into world of professional music.

• Moving forward Vince really ’gets-to-work’ at becoming a professional musician.

• Vince putting in his time playing when & where ever; some are decent, some are dumps: college campus halls/students, the dingy clubs/last guy to play at 2am after stripper’s show end. (…montage…?)

• Vince dating life: with Shirley Moskowitz…

• Vince and Shirley marry – Feb. 1, 1953.

• Vince playing gigs on the road, up and down the coast, different parts of the country.

– – +

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT:

• Vince gets first big break Break: Established latin Jazz musician CAL TJADER makes an offer to Vince; brings Vince onboard as his Pianist.

•

• 1959 MONTEREY JAZZ FESTIVAL (explore this section/more details/very relevant to things coming soon) – Cal Tjader’s Quintet. With Cal, BUDDY DEFRANCO (Clarinet), MONGO SANTAMARIA (Congos), WILLIE BOBO (Timbales) and Vince Guaraldi on piano.

• Ralph Gleason renowned Jazz columnist of ‘The San Francisco Chronicle’ takes an interest in local Bay Area sensation, Vince Guaraldi.

•

• Vince cuts a few record Albums…

•

• Vince Guaraldi Wins the GRAMMY (1963) for original composition, CAST YOUR FATE TO THE WIND”; locked out of Hollywood Award ceremony -because he had No tuxedo!

– – –

ACT 3:

• 1962 (?) Gretchen Katamay enters the bar -and Vince’s Life. • Vince plays Monterey Jazz Festival with Cal Tjader – brings the house down.

•

• About this time- Children- (Son) DAVID and (daughter) DIA are born; early/mid 1960’s

•

• Vince’s Grammy Winning song -Cast Your Fate To The Wind- is heard by Television Producer LEE MENDELSON, who then ‘finds’ Guaraldi playing a live gig in S.F. area club… offers VG the PEANUTS Music gig.

•

• Vince meets LEE MENDELSON (scene) -offer to compose score for TV special.

– – – +

TURNING POINT 3:

• Guaraldi composes ‘Linus and Lucy’

• Vince plays LINUS AND LUCY over the telephone for Lee Mendelson. Mendelson “No” but Vince insists worried he’ll forget it. Mendelson loves the song quips, ‘’it’s going to be very special’’.

•

• CBS brass harshly criticize Guaraldi’s completed musical contributions to “A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS” animated television special at screening a week before network debut.

• Brass are soon embarrassed beyond reproach by how wrong they were and how ‘off-the-charts’ successful • Animated special is… How ‘well received’ Grammy Winner Guaraldi’s music is in the public eye.

•

• Shirley files for divorce, April 1966. … • Shirley files for divorce a second time, June 1968.

• Shirley & Vince’s divorce finalized, December 1970.

– – – –

ACT 4:

• Porsche 356’s (Vince & drummer JERRY GRANELLI) rippin’ through the streets of San Francisco!

•

• While Vince recognizes and enjoys the Rock-n-Roll, he discusses ‘the British Invasion’ -cites it as the ‘nail-in-the- coffin‘ of (then) modern Jazz, while talking with His band- mates.

•

• Vince goes another direction with his music, instrument choices… (Electric Piano, electric guitar, electric bass)…

•

• Vince creates altogether different sound (a twist) on/to his compositions (he is a true Artist in that regard)…

•

• Vince- though his desire is to stay current ‘in the times’ musically, and one day write (radio) industry jazz standards -not (just) hits- never leaves him.

•

– – – – +

ACT 4 CLIMAX:

• ’Set’ break at Club where Vince is performing. Vince’s Father Vincent- bragging to some younger ladies about his now famous, very successful Son.

•

• Vince approaches, confronts his Father, who then tries to ‘make nice’ / give impression He and Vince are close. Vince will have none of it; tells his father to get the fuck out of ‘his’ Club.

•

• Vince’s Father Vincent (Story Antagonist) dies 1971.

– – – – + +

RESOLUTION:

• Menlo Park, CA – Jazz Club ‘BUTTERFIELD’S’ Feb. 6,1976. • Oddly, the very last song Vince ever plays is in public; THE BEATLES ‘Eleanor Rigby’.

• After the song ends, Vince walks over to the adjacent RED COTTAGE INN (hotel). There he and the band have a room (standard fare) where they can stretch out, relax in between sets.
On this night -during the ‘Set’ break, Vince walks across the boys’ hotel room and -collapses and dies from a fatal heart attack.

– – – – + + +

EPILOGUE: 2024

• Current day Jazz musicians WYNTON MARSALIS, GEORGE WINSTON, DAVID BENOIT celebrate the music of Vince: playing Vince Guaraldi’s Jazz Standard, ‘Linus and Lucy’.

========================================================

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.

[Veronica Turowski]

Veronica Turowski’s New Outline Beats!

What I learned from doing this assignment is I didn’t have plot holes, but I had weak areas that needed to be flushed out and strengthened.

My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts a year and sells them to producers who are eager to make my vision a reality by bringing my scripts to completion so everyone can watch my movies on the big screen.

Concept: While at a funeral, a professional mourner is told by the deceased they were murdered, but when no one believes the mourner, she decides to find and stop the serial killer before he kills his next victim, only to discover she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.

Title: Justice from the Grave

Genre: Supernatural Thriller

ACT 1: Flashes of two men in a church sanctuary struggle with a knife. No faces are shown. One is stabbed in the chest. The other has his arm sliced open.

Hayden AJ 1: Hayden kills Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie is killed by Hayden.

DEEPER LAYER: Hayden kills Lonnie because he found out he was a serial killer. (Maybe Hayden’s son, Evren, says something to Lonnie.)

Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa sees the news in the ER as she enters the hallway. It shows Hayden’s a hero trying to save his minister, Lonnie, who was attacked. Eppsa looks at a chart with his name on it. The bed is empty.

INCITING INCIDENT: Eppsa sees Lonnie’s ghostly body. Hayden disposes of a body he has hidden in his ice cream truck while his son is with him.

Eppsa PJ 2: There’s a code blue. Eppsa watches Lonnie exit a room. He looks at her and disappears.

DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie knows that Eppsa is a ghost, but Eppsa doesn’t know she’s dead.

Eppsa PJ 3: Eppsa goes to Lonnie’s funeral.

Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa that since she can see him, he needs her help. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim.

Hayden AJ 2: Evren, Hayden’s young son, takes money from a customer. Hayden removes an ice cream bar stored next to a dead body in the freezer of his ice cream truck and hands the ice cream to a child. That night, they drive over a bridge. Evren eats ice cream and plays a video game in the front seat while Hayden tosses the body over the bridge.

TURNING POINT 1: Eppsa discovers Lonnie gave her the correct name. Lonnie meets with the victim at the cemetery.

Eppsa PJ 4: In the obituary, Eppsa reads the name of the man Lonnie gave her.

Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie meets with the ghost of the man in the freezer. They disappear.

ACT 2: Eppsa contacts the police. Lonnie informs Eppsa that the cops should be looking for a serial killer. Hayden goes to the police station to give a composite sketch. Then, he kills another victim.

Eppsa PJ 5: Eppsa calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She calls again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in. Lonnie, very faint, appears in Eppsa’s house. She jumps and then tells him she’s going to the police to file a report.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The cop only hears static on the phone because she’s a ghost.

Hayden AJ 3: Hayden gives a statement or does a sketch for the cops at the police station. Hayden lies and claims he chased the man away who killed Lonnie and slashed his arm.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him.

Eppsa PJ 6: Eppsa is at the busy police station waiting to talk to someone. No one listens to her. She checks her watch. Someone points in her direction and motions her over. (She passes by Hayden in a chair but doesn’t notice him because he’s not facing her and he’s wearing a hat.)

Hayden AJ 4: The cops want to give him an award for being a good Samaritan. He shivers and tells a cop it’s drafty in the station.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: He feels the spirit of his mother.

Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa hears a cop yell after Hayden for his good work. She walks away from the cop that “called” her over and rushes after Hayden. He’s gone. She overhears cops saying these last few deaths were because they tried TikTok challenges.

Eppsa PJ 8: Eppsa goes to the cemetery and tells Lonnie he’s wrong. There isn’t a serial killer, and he needs to move on.

Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie gets mad that she thinks he’s lying or something. He tells her the name of the last victim and says there’s more to come. He leaves.

Eppsa PJ 9: Eppsa turns to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is confused and wants to see if Clover can help Lonnie pass over.

Hayden AJ 5: Hayden goes camping with Neta and Evren. After fishing, Hayden makes Evren kill and clean the fish he caught. Hayden rationalizes killing to Evren.

Eppsa PJ 10: While Eppsa is looking at a map of Kestner’s in the area, a neighbor stops by to visit. They say it seems like years since they’ve seen each other (that’s because Eppsa died years ago). The neighbor had been on a trip. The neighbor died while in Europe. The neighbor and Eppsa don’t know they are both ghosts. The neighbor tells her about her trip to Mt. Everest. She had gotten ??? from climbing. She was extremely sick and weak. They thought she was going to die. She doesn’t remember the rescue team bringing her down or her trip home, but she’s fully recovered now.

Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie sees a girl at a funeral. Eppsa isn’t listening to him, so he wants the little girl to pass a message on to Eppsa. The next victim is a member of the church. Eppsa must find him now. Eppsa shows up, and Lonnie disappears.

Eppsa PJ 11: Eppsa goes to the funeral of the man in Hayden’s ice cream truck freezer. She speaks to the little girl. (I don’t know if the little girl is alive and can see ghosts or if she’s a ghost, too.) The girl tells Eppsa the name of another victim Lonnie gave her. Eppsa tells her they are dying because of TikTok videos, not a serial killer. She’s going to prove Lonnie is wrong. Eppsa rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer.

Hayden AJ 6: Hayden argues with a man about their high school days while the man is on a chair with a rope tied around his neck. Hayden tips the chair. The guy dies. Hayden ducks back into the ice cream truck where Evren is waiting.

Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie tells the little girl it’s too late. He wishes he could stop the killer, but he isn’t strong enough. Lonnie disappears, and the little girl goes off with her mom.

Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is locked. She looks in the window and sees the man dangling. The man’s wife enters the front door, walks into the kitchen, sees him, and screams. Eppsa runs.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Eppsa talks to a psychic. Hayden is looking for his next victim.

Hayden AJ 7: Hayden throws Evren a birthday party. One of the kids invited was Hayden’s friend from school and will be another victim near the end.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden wanted to make sure Evren’s friend’s dad was actually one of his friends from school who had moved back to town.

Eppsa PJ 13: Eppsa goes back to Clover to help Lonnie pass over. Clover channels Lonnie. He tells them he wants to go but is staying until the killer is stopped.

Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie talks to Clover while Eppsa is “visiting” Clover. Lonnie has low energy, and Clover can’t hear him very clearly.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Clover can talk to Eppsa and Lonnie because she can channel them. Eppsa has a strong presence on earth because of unfinished business. Lonnie wants to move on and has a foot here and a foot on the other side.

Hayden AJ 8: Hayden and Evren go to the soup kitchen in the ice cream truck.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden’s searching for his next victim.

Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa hears a crash outside her house. She rushes to see. She calls the police. They can’t hear her on the phone. She rushes outside to help. There’s a swarm of people and a police siren in the distance. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young girl disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door.

Hayden AJ 9: Hayden receives a Good Samaritan award.

ACT 3: Eppsa discovers Hayden was friends with all the victims and fears he is on the list. Hayden kills another person or two, and his son witnesses one of the killings. Lonnie helps Eppsa realize she’s a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa attends the funeral of the man she saw hanging.

Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie sees Eppsa at the funeral. Lonnie tells her that all the victims graduated from the same high school. (They are all 29 and 30 when they died.) Eppsa is now worried Hayden’s life is in jeopardy.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa realizes they all went to school with Hayden. She must protect him from the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 10: Hayden takes Evren hunting. Evren shoots the rabbit; it’s only hurt. Hayden makes Evren kill the rabbit so it doesn’t suffer.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is grooming Evren.

Eppsa PJ 16: She talks to Clover trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. Clover senses a dark spirit around Hayden, but she can’t find him. Eppsa also wants to speak to her dead husband, thinking he might be able to help her.

Lonnie PJ 9: Lonnie walks through the church. He tells the statue of Jesus he wants to go to the other side, but he knows he must stay to help Eppsa.

Eppsa PJ 17: Eppsa’s neighbor comes over to talk. Eppsa tells her about Lonnie. Her neighbor says Lonnie is confused. Or he’s mad because he can’t pass over. She had read that somewhere.

Hayden AJ 11: Hayden brings Evren to the cemetery. Hayden tells Evren about his amazing grandfather, and Evren is just like him.

Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie sees Hayden and Evren. He recognizes Hayden. He rushes at him but can’t do anything. Hayden senses Lonnie’s spirit. He laughs at the spirit who is around him. Maybe Hayden smells something that reminds him of Lonnie.

TURNING POINT 3: Eppsa is depressed she can’t find Hayden.

Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa has a list of all the Kestner’s in the nearby towns. Each name, with the address and phone number, is crossed off, except one. She crosses the last one off. There’s a map with “X’s” on it.

Hayden AJ 12: Hayden kills another victim who is a homeless man that attends the soup kitchen.

Eppsa PJ 19: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman cry while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. Her grandson was born the same year as her son and died the year before their high school graduation. The woman wants to find the killer because she knows her grandson didn’t kill himself. Eppsa recognizes the picture of the kid on the headstone in his letterman jacket.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: This was Hayden’s first victim in high school. All the victims and Hayden were exceptional soccer players.

Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie sees Eppsa with the woman. When she’s finished with the woman, Eppsa goes over to Lonnie. He tells Eppsa that two other victims are waiting to pass over. She needs to help them.

Hayden AJ 13: Hayden and his family play games at home.

Eppsa PJ 20: Eppsa, depressed and worried, goes to the church to talk to the minister, Palmer McKee, about Lonnie. She wants to know how to get him to pass over. There must be something in the Bible, or maybe Lonnie’s a demon.

Hayden AJ 14: A woman buys ice cream. She sees blood inside the truck. She says she’s an inspector for food trucks. Evren walks up as Hayden kills the food truck inspector. Hayden explains it’s okay and that he will understand better when he’s an adult.

Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa is the only one who attends the homeless man’s funeral.

Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie talks to Clover, who tells him he must tell Eppsa the truth.

ACT 4: Eppsa learns she’s a ghost and was murdered by her husband. She forces Hayden to kill himself.

Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa goes to the cemetery for answers.

Lonnie PJ 13: Lonnie tells Eppsa that Hayden is the serial killer. She doesn’t believe it. Lonnie tells her Hayden has one more victim. She must kill Hayden. Lonnie tells her to go home, where she will find all the answers to her questions.

Hayden AJ 15: Hayden and his wife, Neta, fight. She discovered the truth when Evren said something to her. She fears Evren might become like him because he killed a mouse (or something or many things) and skinned it. Evren told her Hayden said it’s okay to kill something, so it doesn’t have to suffer. She’s going to turn him in. Or she thinks Evren has emotional problems and might turn into a serial killer.

Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa returns home. The house is dilapidated. She calls Hayden on the phone and tells him to come home.

Hayden AJ 16: Hayden, in disbelief, goes to his old house. Eppsa reveals herself. She forces him to kill himself.

Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa goes to her gravesite and sees the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She passes on.

Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie passes on along with the other victims, the grandmother of the first victim, and pastor Palmer McKee who was Hayden’s second victim.

Resolution: Eppsa and Lonnie pass over. Hayden dies and leaves his wife and son (who was being groomed to turn into a serial killer as an adult).

[Gisele FRAZEUR]

Gisele Frazeur’s New Outline Beats

My vision: I am going to work diligently to become a brilliant, reliable screenwriter who is sought after, regularly produced, highly paid, and awarded. Artistic fulfillment and financial freedom will result from the achievement of this goal!

What I learned doing this assignment is: Deciding to look at the plot in a non-linear way can help to strengthen it.

Title: On the Scent

Genre: Thriller

Act 1: Threats against Perfumer Darin August seemingly result in her pregnant sister’s murder.

Darin PJ1: Darin arrives at the FiFi awards with her sister Livie. They fight their way through Leff-T’s protestors to enter the ceremonial hall.

Darin PJ2: At the reception preceding the awards Darin saves a stranger who is choking to death.

Darin PJ3: Darin accepts her awards and gives a speech.

Darin PJ4: At the party following the awards ceremony Police inform Darin they suspect foul play was involved in the choking incident. They inform her the chocking victim had eaten an appetizer laced with a human toe. They additionally inform her they believe she or her sister may have been the intended target.

Darin PJ5: Darin and Livie exit awards. They are accosted by Leff-T’s protestors while getting to their car.

Deeper Layer: What is supposed to be a joyous evening for Darin has a cloud of doom hanging over it – – as she is placed in threatening situations at every turn. All signs point to Leff-T as a suspect.

Inciting Incident: Upon their return home – – Darin and Livie are shot at.

Turning Point 1: Livie is pronounced dead at the hospital.

Darin PJ6: Darin is questioned by police then informed of her sister’s death.

Hank AJ1: Hank arrives at the hospital and is informed of his wife’s death.

Act 2: Darin falls off the wagon and succumbs to her alcoholism.

Darin PJ7: Darin’s mother accuses Darin of being responsible for Livie’s death at Livie’s funeral.

Hank AJ2: Hank plies Darin (a recovering alcoholic) with alcohol to calm her nerves and ease her stress.

Hank AJ3: Hank Provides Darin with a gun for protection – -despite her protestations.

Darin PJ8: Darin shows up at Leff-T’s mansion drunk – – brandishing a gun.

Darin PJ9: In a drunken blackout Darin is returned home safely by Leff-T.

Darin PJ10: Darin is put on leave by her boss for the bad press she is generating.

Deeper Layer: Hank, having encouraged Darin’s drinking knowing she is an alcoholic, is suspect. Additionally – – his forcing a gun on her for protection when she fears them since a childhood incident with one – – is also suspect.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Leff-T is cleared as a suspect / gives a televised interview apologizing to Darin for the boycott and requesting his followers stand down.

Hank AJ4: Hank is tasked with extorting more scientific information from Darin by the drug traffickers blackmailing him.

Hank AJ5: Hank seduces Darin after plying her with alcohol / successfully extorts another scientific idea to make his sniffer dog fail.

Darin PJ11: Darin’s AA sponsee, Dharma, reaches out to Darin about her drinking. Dharma works with dogs and points out Pookie’s odd behavior.

Darin PJ12: Darin has a pregnancy scare. Disgusted with herself for having slept with her dead sister’s husband, she resumes attending AA meetings and pulls away from Hank.

Hank AJ6: Hank’s works another case wherein drugs are successfully smuggled as his new sniffer dogs fails to scent.

Deeper Layer: Pookie’s odd behavior hints at something being off with his handler (Hank). Hank sleeping with his dead wife’s sister is “off” somehow.

Act 3: Darin puts the pieces together.

Darin PJ13: Darin gets fully back on the wagon.

Darin PJ14: Darin enlists Dharma’s help to make sense of what Pookie has been trying to communicate.

Hank AJ7: Hank is told by the blackmailers to throw Darin off the scent, or they will kill her and expose him.

Hank AJ8: Hank has Dharma overdosed.

Turning Point 3: Dharma’s overdose.

Darin PJ15: Darin learns of Dharma’s overdose.

Darin PJ16: Darin is given information from Leff-T – – from his gang ties – – which casts suspicion on Hank.

Darin PJ17: Darin’s finds a bloody sock of Hank’s and realizes he might be missing a toe.

Darin PJ18: Darin confers with one of Hank’s colleagues to access body camera footage of Pookie’s failed drug scent.

Darin PJ19: Darin tests Pookie’s nose with different chemical compounds in order find out which one is freaking the dog out.

Deeper Layer: Darin and Pookie are healing each other. They are solving the crime together. Solving the crime is strengthening Darin, her resolve, her sobriety, her purchase on life.

Act 4 Climax: The showdown.

Darin PJ20: Having put the pieces together – – Darin has a showdown with Hank.

Hank AJ9: Hank confesses everything and has a shoot-out with Darin, Leff-T, and Pookie.

Darin PJ21: Darin shoots Hank.

Deeper Layer: Darin realizes she is not responsible for Livie’s death. The healing can begin. She has kept her promise and avenged her sister’s death.

Resolution: Darin accepting FiFi award for “Dog Perfume” she made for Livie. Her husband, Leff-T, their baby daughter, Livie, and Pookie watch the ceremony.

[Jane Turville]

Jane’s New Outline Beats

MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.

By doing this assignment I found many more holes than I realized during my first pass. I have only noted the holes in () and bold here rather than trying to fix them. I’m also reconsidering what the red herrings are and how many residents I should include as having motives and opportunities. Somewhere in here I have to make Frances, the murder victim, seem like a lot of people had it in for her. Maybe a blackmailer? I’m using methods from this lesson to figure out the layers of plot for each red herring as well as the murder victim. Great fun!!!

Genre: Murder Mystery Parody

Act 1: Who is the world’s greatest detective?

June PJ 1: June Marvel moves into Shady Acres Nursing Center to recuperate from hip surgery.

Percival PJ 1: Percival Heriot, a world renowned detective has also moved into Shady Acres to rest after a long, difficult murder investigation. (June watches the police report on tv)

Percival PJ 2: Percival quickly becomes a star attraction at Shady Acres, with all the residents hanging on his every word as he tells stories of murder and intrigue.

June PJ 2: June quickly tires of the attention Percival seems to demand. Then a resident’s diamond pendent goes missing. (Add something here about Frances that suggests she knows things about the residents and the admin at Shady Acres). While Percival has a nap in his room, June solves the case and receives the admiration of the residents.

Deep Layer: Percival is busy writing what sounds like a love letter but he is actually writing the latest edition of the Aunt Lily Advice column.

Percival PJ 3: Unable to be bested by anyone, especially June, Percival publicly dismisses June’s sleuthing abilities as amateurish.

Inciting Incident – June responds by challenging him to a competition. Each must commit a small crime – no one gets hurt and no property is damaged – and the other one must solve it in a weekend. Self-assured, Percival takes the challenge and the competition commences. The staff and rest of the residents place bets and encourage their particular champion. It’s a Billy Jean King vs. Bobby Riggs battle of the sexes!!

Percival PJ 4: For his crime, Percival enlists the help of Major Perkins, an elderly permanent resident, Shady Acres gardener Markus, and Frances, the physical therapist. One of these individuals will steal the championship darts from the Shady Acres darts team and hold them ransom. The others he will set up as red herrings to distract June.

June PJ 3: For her crime, June enlists the help of John and Mary Riddle, an elderly couple who live on the grounds and help in the kitchen and garden and Eloise, a kind but dotty permanent resident who has fallen in love with Percival. Eloise will disappear as if she were kidnapped and it will be up to Percival to find her. June builds Eloise a lovely stick blind where she can hide and watch all the fun. While June does this, Eloise tries to get a betting pool going among the residents.

Deep Layer: June shows herself capable of physical tasks, despite her walker.

Turning point – The challenge begins on Friday night. On Saturday morning, Frances is found dead on the center’s treadmill. She has been murdered with the championship darts.

Act 2: Who on earth would want to kill me?

Percival PJ 5: Percival doesn’t understand why Frances has the darts. She was one of his red herrings. (Major Perkins reveals that he gave the darts to Percival after stealing them.)

June PJ 4: June accuses Percival of setting Frances up. Did he have reason to kill her?

Deep Layer: June has been keeping tabs on how much time Percival spends “napping.”

Percival PJ 6: Percival discovers that Eloise is missing. When June looks for her where she is supposed to be, she isn’t there. Percival accuses June of endangering Eloise.

Mattie AJ 1: Mattie joins the center on Monday morning as the replacement physical therapist. Both June and Percival have appointments with her that day. She “accidently” turns the traction machine on high for Percival. She apologizes profusely.

Deep Layer: She enjoys hurting Percival.

June PJ 5: June works to find Eloise while also seeking evidence against Percival. Some red flags pop up but, because they don’t implicate Percival, she ignores them. (What are the red flags??? It might be here that one of the residents recognizes Mattie in a crowd – photo of Percival from tv.)

Mattie AJ 2: Mattie takes Percival a gift to say she is sorry for the traction mistake. Percival is touched by her generosity and begins to confide in her, telling her that he thinks June is trying to set him up for murder. He tells her about being bullied as a child. (Confined spaces reveal here???)

Deep Layer: Mattie realizes that going to jail would be worse than death for Percival. She rethinks her plan.

June PJ 6: June enlists the help of her niece Flora to help her find Eloise and discovers that Eloise is not the dotty, innocent lady she appears to be. (Discovers a plethora of debt that has been paid off by relatives. Anne, the administrator of Shady Acres is supposed to keep her out of the casinos. What do they have on Anne? Does Eloise know?) Could she be the murderer? Resolved that it is Percival’s fault, she ignores the evidence that links Eloise to Frances’ death.

Percival PJ 7: As he looks for clues to clear his name, Percival stumbles on a clandestine plant theft ring orchestrated by Markus. (How does he discover this?) Could Markus be the murderer? Too focused on clearing his name and shining light on June’s supposed crimes, he ignores the evidence. (What is the evidence he ignores? Poison missing???)

Mattie AJ 3: Concerned that the murder and disappearance of Eloise is harming June’s progress and Percival’s health, Mattie sits them down together and tells them to leave these things to the police. In their conversation, she mentions the old ice-house as a place that the police may not have looked. She watches June and Percival leave the main building and head for the ice-house.

Percival PJ 8: At the ice-house Percival is afraid to go in. (need to establish his claustrophobia. He confides in Mattie – maybe won’t do a certain PT exercise because of a small space.)

June PJ 6: June tries but can’t get through the door with her walker. She is disappointed as Percival, obviously terrified, enters the ice-house.

Deep Layers: Percival’s worst fears and June’s frustration that, once again, she is on the outside looking in.

June PJ 9: Inside Percival freezes. Outside, June spots something on the domed roof of the ice-house and investigates. She recognizes it as something belonging to Percival. When she goes to pick it up, the roof caves in. (What is the something? It has to be something that Percival would, if he were outside, want to retrieve. Perhaps it is something of Eloise’s.)

June PJ 10: She finds Percival unharmed but terrified by the small space. (Walker blocks a beam from falling on them). Brick by brick, June claws her way out, making space for Percival to scamper out.

Midpoint Turning Point – Outside they observe the crushed ice-house and realize that the roof beams have been recently sawn. The roof cave in was orchestrated by someone who wanted to kill one or both of them.

Act 3: How to Catch a Killer.

Mattie AJ 4: Mattie is shocked by the news and tells June it’s lucky she wasn’t killed. The assumption that June would be the one in the ice-house is over-looked. (The saw is found in Percival’s room)

June PJ 11: June tells Percival about Eloise’s past, a gambling addiction that landed her in hot water more times than can be counted. June asks her niece to check all gambling houses within a ten mile radius. Eloise is found at the crap tables.

Percival PJ 9: In his room, Percival creates a crime board. He invites June to examine it with him. As June examines the crime board, she realizes that everyone around them has a secret to be discovered. They hatch a plan to one by one eliminate each suspect. (Percival exceeds himself here and it seems like his “little grey cells” are more powerful than June’s hunches regarding human nature.)

This can be a moment where June doubts herself and Percival let’s his ego run rampant.

Mattie AJ 5: During a PT session June says that everyone has something to hide, even though Mattie insists that she doesn’t. (This could be the point where we discover that Mattie knows poisons)

June PJ 13: Another attempt is made on June’s life with evidence that Percival is trying to kill June. (What type of attempt???? Poison????) The incident happens when Percival is “napping” in his room. (This is where June discovers that Percival is Aunt Lily – she searches his room) June and Percival finally realize that the crime is to kill June and have Percival convicted of her murder. They just can’t see how Frances’ murder plays into it.

Percival PJ 10/June PJ 14: Together they go back over everything that has happened since they arrived. How did they both come to be at Shady Acres? Who recommended it? They know something is there but they just can’t put their finger on it. (June has to realize that Mattie is the key to the mystery. It is here that June begins her investigation of Mattie. Percival can say no, not Mattie. He knows because he has such a great knowledge of human character. One of his flaws – always being right. Except this time, he’s wrong).

June PJ 15: June hatches a plan by which she will appear to have died. June has a wonderful knowledge of chemistry and knows of a potion she can make which will make her appear dead. (Give June a reason to know poisons and chemicals well) With her out of the way, the killer’s plan will fall though. She shares her plan with Percival.

Percival PJ 11: Percival is totally against it. He lists the ways it could go wrong. No, his little grey cells have been working. June leaves frustrated.

June PJ 16: June elicits the help of Major Perkins. She takes the powder and “dies” during afternoon tea. Major Perkins pronounces her dead. (set Major Perkins up as a disgraced doctor – this can be his scandal)

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift – With June laid out on the sofa, Percival sits and talks with her alone. Mattie enters and gives him a cup of tea. She tells Percival that June can’t hear him. She’s dead. Percival says no, she took a powder to appear dead in order to trap the killer. Mattie tells him that she switched the powders and that June took a lethal dose of digitalis instead. (Give Mattie a reason to know poisons well)

Act 4: Oh no you don’t!

Percival PJ 12: He is horrified. June, his best adversary, his prodder, his friend. Dead.

Deeper Layer: Percival’s humanity and emotion. He truly cared about June.

Mattie AJ 6: Mattie tells him that she’s called the police and they’re on their way. But in his grief of what he has done to his friend, he will take his own life. To ensure this happens, the tea she gave him contained poison. (need to have Percival drink a very special tea – he’s very persnickety about it – so that it is easily identified. Also, in order for it not to be poisoned, need to have June working with someone (Mary Riddle in the kitchen) who she can tell to watch Mattie and do not let her serve Percival anything. Someone who would never drink the tea themselves because they don’t like it. Eloise?)

June PJ 17: Mattie goes to leave. June sits up quickly and throws her book at Mattie, clocking her in the head and knocking her out. (need June throwing darts like a champ) As they wait for the police, June tells Percival that Mattie is the daughter of someone who took advice from Aunt Lily years ago and died. (need to show how June finds this out – perhaps with help from niece Flora) Mattie blamed Aunt Lily for taking her mother from her.

Deep Layer: June has worked out the mystery and has actively stopped the murderer in her tracks and saved Percival’s life. She has proved to herself that she is indeed an action hero.

Percival PJ 13: Percival realizes that June knows he is Aunt Lily. He also knows that she will keep his secret.

Deep Layer: Percival has found a kindred spirit and a friend who accepts him for who he is.

Resolution – Over tea, the two sleuths tell the others why Frances was killed. June twists the circumstances so that no one knows that Percival is Aunt Lily. (need to include references to Aunt Lily that shine light on no one knowing who she is. Perhaps there is suspicion that one of the other residents, perhaps even June, is Aunt Lily.)

Residents sigh with relief because, not only has the killer been caught, but their own secrets seem to be safe. (need to weave more of the scandals and secrets of each secondary character)

June and Percival leave the nursing center at the same time, parting ways as comrades in arms and, maybe, just maybe, friends.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe McGloin’s New Outline Beats

Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter

What I learned from doing this assignment is more tweaking was needed as I went from end to beginning, and some going from beginning to end. This approach and looking closely at the turning points help clarify the story issues.

Genre: Romantic Comedy

Act 1: Max receives his assignment

Opening: PJ1 1 Max in Heaven is shown potential guardian angel assignments. Time passes differently than on earth. It’s a lot faster.

PJ2 1 Jane is an independent local level political aide who runs from intimacy.

Deeper Layer: Jane is on track with her life mission so Max can’t mess it up

Inciting Incident: PJ 1 2 Despite his protests, Max is assigned to Jane.

PJ2 2 Jane feels his dismay as a cold wind without knowing its source. Connection.

AJ1 Guardian Angel Supervisor Clarence is sure that a more senior Angel is needed for the assignment due to the big stakes, but he is overruled.

PJ1 3: (cute meet) Max visits her at work as the recently hired temp (who no one knew was coming or who hired him), where he surreptitiously interferes with her activities to gauge her response.

PJ2 3: Jane counters Max’s interference at each turn, turning each incident to her advantage.

Turning Point 1: AJ2 Clarence decides to let Max fail by giving him no support while Max watches Jane’s co-workers manipulate her into being the fall guy for a poorly written bill.

Act 2: Max doesn’t handle the assignment well.

New plan: PJ1 4 Max accepts the role on a temporary basis he claims, until he can clear her of the impending danger.

PJ2 4 At first Jane tries to run from the situation by considering resigning from her position as she feels out of control.

PJ2 5 She rewrites the bill at the last minute with help from an aide.

PJ1 5 Max’s requests for help from Clarence go unanswered as Jane is on mission.

PJ2 6 the re-written bill passes and Jane is a hero, catching her co-workers flat-footed.

PJ1 6 (denial of love) Max as her aide disagrees with the new bill that is not as good as it appears. The two fight about the bill. Max is frustrated but not defeated and has a dawning respect for Jane’s take charge approach.

Deeper Layer Reveal: AJ 3 Clarence and the heavenly bodies face a growing concern at humanity’s self-destruction and what steps to take as the Guardian Angels are having decreasing success with humanity. Max is a case in point.

Midpoint Turning Point: Max forced to wear a human body full time to curb his interfering tendencies, easily created in Heaven, as Jane is catapulted into the national limelight – and increased distance from office aide Max – when her boss is arrested for vote tampering.

Act 3: Falling in love

Rethink everything: PJ1 7 Max gets himself promoted to political aide.

PJ2 8 Jane deals with the cut-throat realities of national politics in surprisingly humane and non-political ways.

PJ1 8 Max struggles with allowing life for Jane to unfold, which

AJ4 softens Clarence as he has a growing, grudging respect for Max. Max’s role is made easier when

PJ2 9 Jane’s political advisor has a sudden health crisis and she appoints Max in his place before he leaves the interview room. Advisor has lots more contact than aide.

PJ1 9 (overwhelming attraction) Their attraction grows. Max is conflicted as he loses his objectivity as her guardian angel.

PJ1 10 Max helps Jane while not trying to hover over her or he will be permanently extracted.

AJ 5 Clarence watches Max closely, looking for a reason to pull the plug.

PJ2 10 Jane realizes she needs warm human contact (Max) to balance the downright inhuman politicians she is now forced to deal with, to help her see her constituents as more than a herd.

Turning Point: (break up) Max realizes but can’t share that it is his love for Jane that makes him lose his Guardian Angel objectivity so he resigns as Jane’s aide, causing them to break up.

Act 4 All’s well that ends well.

AJ6 Clarence begrudgingly agrees that angels and humans live in different realms, so Max should return to Heaven so a new guardian angel can be assigned to Jane.

AJ7 There remains a great deal of concern for humanity itself, and its survival in these troubled times, but Jane seems to be a key figure.

PJ2 11 The night before the election Jane fights back against the false scandal over which she has little control, and turns the tables on her boss’s foes so the boss becomes President with Jane as VP.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: PJ1 11 Max sees that Jane lets go of all of his desires to shape her future, so she can be free to explore her life as VP– that is what love does.

PJ1 12 Max dies to return to heaven so another Guardian Angel can be appointed.

PJ2 12 Jane threatens to resign over the death.

AJ 8 Clarence must find a way to keep Jane on mission in politics.

Deeper Level Reveal: Jane must become President to fulfill her mission to bring honesty to politics and face the climate crisis head-on.

Resolution: AJ 9 Clarence has pushed a plan to allow humans and angels to interact with Max as the test case.

PJ1 13 (finally re-uniting) Max returns to his body (though can no longer bop back and forth between heaven and earth). Only a moment has passed since his departure.

PJ1 14 Max tells her there is something she needs to know about him…

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s New Outline Beats!

What I learned doing this assignment is – the backwards, and back-and-forth methods are a great way to generate new ideas, and make sure one thing leads to the next. Will definitely be coming back to this again and again.

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: An aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with the bullies he’s targeted as his victims when their cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

COLD OPEN: couple (JACK and LUCY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON kills Jack, and “rescues” Lucy.

Genre Convention (Horror): start in midst of peril

PJ: We see Jason as he wishes he were: powerful, victorious, getting the girl.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc.

PJ: Jason’s reality: he is terrorized at home, and can’t fight back.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS.

PJ: It’s not just home – Jason has no safe space.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss.

AJ: Hack “plays the clown”, pulling down Jason’s pants (and underwear). Hack enjoys in a quieter, more disturbing way.

DL: Jack doesn’t join in, but doesn’t stop his friends.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning.

AJ: Jack goes off on Hack – always taking things too far. Hack goes quiet, withdraws – we see his hatred for Jack.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”)

DL: Carl is glad Jason’s mother is dead, can’t see him now.

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Jack drop Lucy off; they make out.

PJ: Jason looks at posters on walls: Jason, Freddy, Michael Myers – men of STRENGTH. Jason vows to finally BE what he admires.

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall.

GC: Jason sneaks into Carl’s bedroom as Carl snores from bed. Gets gun from nightstand.

DL: Jason ties an old shirt/piece of cloth (his Star Wars shirt) around his forehead “bandana-style” as part of his “warrior look”.

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING

Jason follows Jack and Lucy in his car.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

Jack and crew drive up mountain. Jason follows in his car.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…

INT. JACK’S CAR – DAY

River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Jack and crew are just up the road.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jack and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Jack bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Jack says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Group moves through Civil War graveyard.

GC: Graves are dug up. Jack explains people rob Civil War graves all the time.

AJ: Hack pushes Alan into empty grave. Too deep for him to get out. Hack just watches. Jack comes back, helps Alan out.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason lugs his duffel, struggling.

PJ: Jason falls into same empty grave as Alan. Uses physics to get out – he’s smart! Thinks he’s a loser for falling in.

GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.

EXT. CABIN – DAY

They boat across lake to cabin. Jack’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Jack’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Jack points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too.

GC: Maggie dives in water against Jack’s warning.

INT. CABIN – DAY

Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Jack not happy, he and Lucy still at odds.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.

Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree.

[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Jack and Lucy as kids, carving]

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.

INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES

Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire.

CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.

GC: Jump scares as we think Jason may try and kill one…

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason.

PJ: Jason can’t make himself do it. Makes the right moral choice, lets us keep rooting for him.

Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –

TURNING POINT II: Chet killed by Zombie.

GC: DEATH #1/ZOMBIE REVEAL

Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete.

AJ: Hack is amused by dead “friend.” Quickly deduces Jason was here to kill them all.

Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat, and tells him they’re going to “have some fun.”

END OF ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies.

AJ: Hack sets Jason up to be mocked. Lies to group about what’s happening.

DL: Jack goes off on Jason’s obsession with monsters – obvious history between them.

Lucy defends Jason. Group relents.

PJ: Jason stood up for himself a little!

PJ: The SCARIEST bully controls Jason now – he knows why Jason’s here, and uses that to fuck with Jason.

GC: Chet’s been gone a long time – someone should go look for him. They ignore Jason. Hack tells Jason to shut up – a threat.

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Group looks for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

GC: DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them.

GC: Maggie turns zombie! Lying passed out on couch, she’s moaning – we see infected tattoo glowing blue – she leaps up, foaming at the mouth, eyes blue, and attacks!! CHAOS!!

GC: DEATH #3: Maggie leaps on _______’s back, bites them. Someone kills Maggie (Jason?)

AJ: Hack stands back and watches chaos. After she’s dead: “Wow. She just kept comin’ didn’t she?”

PLAN: Call the cops! They pick up phone – Jack hangs up. JACK: And say what?? Maggie just looks dead. How do they prove she was a zombie?

GC: Jack flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns. They turn towards light. Jack slaps lights off.

Power goes out?

They turn off all the lights in the house. Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason says he’s got weapons.

GC: They need Jason’s bag of weapons – out in the woods.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Jack and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids.

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Jack retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

As weapons come out, Hack gives Jason away.

PJ: Everything out in the open. Jason finally stands up for himself (while admitting: “I MAY have overreacted.”) Confronts Jack about the past.

Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo. Hack kills him.

GC: DEATH #4: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.

Jack finally confronts Hack [show Jack NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit in the fucking corner, and not move.

New Plan: Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.

Jack orders everyone upstairs.

TURNING POINT 3: GC: Hack is gone!

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.

INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL

Kids scramble upstairs. Jack locks door.

They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.

Any other way up? Jack reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

DL: Jason knows the house well.

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Calm before storm. Debate next steps.

Jason/Lucy conversation (what is their history? Lucy apologizes – but defends Jack: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.)

[SCENE IN JACK’S BEDROOM? JASON & JACK…]

INT. BASEMENT

Hack Lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

INT. CABI – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Jack won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?

INT. KITCHEN

Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, but is becoming gutteral, beastial. (Not much of a change)

Group on the run.

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner.

Jason starts putting arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Jack uses flail.

Jack retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time. Stairs collapse?

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.

Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry.

Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

Jason defeats Zombie-Hack, and saves Jack and Lucy.

PJ: Jason works hand in hand with Jack to beat Hack – friendship repaired, and Jason shows what he can do.

AJ: Hack DIES – and smiles for first time?

DL: Metaphorically, Jason destroys baggage/dead weight he’s been carrying around his whole life. Proves his dad wrong.

PJ: Jason is finally the hero at last.

EXT. ROOF

Still tons of zombies below. What to do. Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down, and escape into woods.

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.

GC: KILLER ISN’T DEAD. More zombies in the woods. Organized into a “platoon” with guns. Then the CONFEDERATE zombies attack the ones that were standing in the way.

Survivors sneak off while zombies battle it out.

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They pull/push Jason’s car out of ditch. Jason and Jack both apologize.

Jack: We gotta find this guy a woman.

Jason: (sly look at Alan) Yeah. A woman. Or whatever.

DL: Jack acknowledges Jason’s heroism; a possible re-kindling of friendship. Jason acknowledges Jack and Lucy make a good pair?

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal’s New Outline Beats!

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is how everything that happens in a script has a cause and effect. So, we need to make sure every beat is setup and causes something after it. Reading the outline from beginning to end, and from end to beginning, as well as picking any point in between allows us to see if we are missing any cause and effect beats. I added a couple beats that were missing, and I’m sure I will discover more later.

Title: TRAPPED

Genre: Thriller

Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.

Act 1: Tom and his family are kidnapped.

Tom PJ 1: Tom wakes up trapped in a dark box, doesn’t know where he is or why.

Tom PJ 2: We see Tom’s old ways and how they affect his family. Tom confronts a robber at his store.

Tom PJ 3: Tom shows his penny-pinching ways at a fast-food place.

Inciting Incident: Tom and his family are kidnapped by hooded figures. Who are they?

Dmitriy AJ 1: Orders two cars cut off and surround Tom’s car. Hooded figures kidnap Tom and his family.

Tom PJ 4: Tom and his family are kidnapped.

Deeper Layer: Tom doesn’t know who the kidnappers are or why they were taken.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Anticipation

Turning Point: Tom finds out where he is (at the bottom of a pool) and that he is accused of stealing $3.6 billion from a Russian mob boss who is holding Tom’s family hostage.

Tom PJ 5: Tom learns he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses.

Tom PJ 5a: Tom doesn’t believe he is at bottom of pool, could be anywhere, needs proof.

Dmitriy AJ 2: Dmitriy tells Tom he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses.

Dmitriy AJ 2a: Orders Ivan to dive into pool and knock on box. Ivan doesn’t want to but Dmitriy makes him.

Act 2: Tom is trapped in a watery grave.

Tom PJ 6: Realizing just how trapped he is, Tom’s claustrophobia starts to overwhelm him, see him trapped in an elevator as a kid. Susan, Tom’s wife must step in and help, gets Tom to focus on the day they got married in Hawaii.

Dmitriy AJ 3: Dmitriy continues to try to get Tom to confess, but Tom is overcome with claustrophobia. Dmitriy allows Susan to help Tom.

Tom PJ 7: See Tom and Susan’s wedding in Hawaii.

Tom PJ 8: Tom now able to focus, but can’t talk his way out of box, threats against his family increase. Tom calls police. He doesn’t know where he is, police can’t find him, his plans fail.

Dmitriy AJ 4: Dmitriy ups his threats against Tom’s family, threatens to rape and kill them, even the dog.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom finds out a Russian mob boss kidnapped them and is told why.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation

Midpoint Turning Point: Tom’s box slowly starts to fill with water.

Act 3: Tom is still trapped and now water is rising.

Tom PJ 9: Nothing Tom is saying or doing to escape works. Water keeps rising, time and air running out.

Dmitriy AJ 5: Dmitriy can’t get Tom to confess as water keeps rising, time and air running out.

Tom PJ 10: More desperate, Tom tries to be tougher.

Dmitriy AJ 6: Dmitriy is unmoved as Tom tries to act tougher, hurts Tom’s kids.

Deeper Layer: Dmitriy and Tom don’t know they have both been manipulated by Tom’s wife and her lover.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation

Turning Point: When tension is at its peak, at the very last second, water at its highest point in the box, with the least air and space left, Tom finally confesses.

Act 4: Tom escapes.

Dmitriy AJ 7: Dmitriy orders Tom be freed from box.

Tom PJ 11: Tom is let out of the box with seconds to spare.

Dmitriy AJ 8: Dmitriy tells Tom to access the accounts with the stolen Bitcoin or he can watch his family die slowly.

Tom PJ 12: Tom learns the truth while pretending to access the stolen accounts.

Dmitriy AJ 9: Dmitriy is shocked to learn his brother Ivan betrayed him, they fight, Dmitriy pummels Ivan and looks like he will win easily, but Ivan somehow turns the tables and kills his brother.

Tom PJ 13: Tom tries to protect his family as the Russian brothers fight, sees Ivan kill Dmitriy.

Tom PJ 14: Tom confronts Ivan, after learning of his wife’s betrayal, that she and the Russian are having an affair and are the masterminds behind everything. Now it’s a fight to the death. Tom kills Ivan with a little help from his kids.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom learns his wife is having an affair with Ivan and that they framed him. Dmitriy learns of his brother’s betrayal.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Surprise, Anticipation

Resolution: Victory and death.

Tom PJ 15: Tom and his kids are safe, wife is now in the box screaming, right where the bitch belongs, all assets are in Tom’s name, so he is now a billionaire.

Dmitriy AJ 10: Dmitriy is dead.

[Joaquin Gray]

Subject line: Joaquin Ibn Gray’s New Outline Beats!

My vision is that I am an A plus screenplay write, who write intriguing scripts that are produced into extremely profitable movies, that I cash large checks from.

“What I learned from doing this assignment is, reviewing this outline has exposed me to a different way of generating ideas.

4-Act Structure – Act 1 PJS Opening, family rides across an open plain in 1863.

PJS-(added) Family is harassed before crossing the Texas border.

Family arrives to new house 1865

PJS -(added) Family is given a sly welcome to the neighborhood. Brewford Jr aims a rifle to scare them away.

AJS Clyde is in town speaking with the Sheriff then gets word a new family has arrived in town. Clyde sits to play the piano.

PJS -(added) Brewford and Brewford Jr ride into town.

AJS II : Clyde tells his men to go bring him the young boy, Brewford Jr.

PJS II: Son gets kid napped by local townsmen.

TP: Brewford confronts Clyde about his son missing. Brewford sniffs out the lie Clyde tells.

Act 2 Reaction: PJS: Brewford attempts to attack Clyde but fails.

AJS Reaction: Calm cool and collected as his me handle the light work.

PJS The plan: Go back to town a gather some troops.

AJS The plan: Returns to the plantation to train his horses.

PJS Turning point 2: While gathering troops Brewfords daughter is kidnapped.

AJS Turning point 2: Has a moment realizing what Brewford did, so he sends word to kidnap Brewfords daughter.

Act 3 PJS The Women of the town take Brewford to meet a few ex-soldiers.

AJS Prepares to possibly be visited by Bewford.

PJS New Plan: The ex-soldiers agree to help Brewford rescue his children, some of their Children have been kidnapped also by Clyde.

PJS Mid-point: Before they leave to fight a few of their horses go missing.

Act 4 PJS The women mount up and ride the men onto the plantation and fight alongside them.

AJS Clyde meets Brewford toe to toe for a fight.

PJS Brewford and Clyde square off face to face, they fight and Brewford kills him. The children are let out of captivity by the women. The US Calvery rides into town declaring slavery against the law.

Joaquin Ibn Gray

[Linda Kish]

Linda’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision is: I will do whatever it takes to be a sought-after profound writer with many successful movies produced and an Oscar on my mantel.

What I learned doing this assignment is I was missing important beats that were necessary to tell the story emotionally.

Beats that were missing:

Need to add Joaquin’s hallucinations early on.

Need to add news of this competition and infamy spreading. Director he “kills” speaks about it on news. Perhaps she makes fun of him on TV, refuses to say his name because that is what he wants.

Director killed Rodrigo’s son, his only family, when she was working the border. Then he ordered hit on her son and Arturo killed him.

Need to set up Joaquin’s wound.

Deeper Layer: Tomas will defy his father and seek to join the cartel.

Joaquin learns things from Rodrigo that he uses against his competitors.

[Valeriya Ordinartseva]

Valeriya’s New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.

I am absolutely capable of plotting my story!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

– All the previous steps really help to keep the story together.

– I had a few breakthroughs going through this process.

– The details linked like that make the story feel cohesive beyond the plot.

______________________________

BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.

Act 1 – Irene summons a monster

Opening

AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.

As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.

PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.

Denial Conversation

Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.

She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).

Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send.

Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.

A call. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.

The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene starts backing out)

Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.

Genre: Her cat disappears.

__________

She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, an urgent project, and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.

Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).

__________

She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as a weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.

__________

Inciting Incident

She sticks the wallpaper.

Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar. She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.

__________

PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.

__________

Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.

__________

Turning Point

Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed. The monster drinks her wine.

AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.

Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.

______________________________

______________________________

Act 2 – Run or hide it:

New plan

Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.

Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!

Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…

Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).

Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.

Deeper Layer:

PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.

Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.

Plan in action

Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.

AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.

Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.

She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.

Anger conversation

__________

She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.

PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.

Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.

__________

She hides in the club.

Genre: The monster is in the crowd.

She picks up a guy not to be alone.

__________

She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.

__________

He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.

__________

Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.

__________

Sleeps on the train.

__________

Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there.

Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.

__________

Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).

__________

Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.

__________

Midpoint Turning Point

Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.

______________________________

______________________________

Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:

Rethink everything

Cat food disappears.

Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.

Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.

Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.

New plan

PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.

Bargaining Conversation

__________

Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.

AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.

__________

AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.

Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.

__________

He walks her back to her place.

Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.

__________

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.

Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.

Depression Conversation

Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.

__________

Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.

PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.

______________________________

Act 4 – Monsters united:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

The monster stops Irene from committing a murder. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.

AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.

Acceptance conversation

She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.

Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.

She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).

Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.

The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.

Resolution

Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.

The content of the monster:

– Oil pain tubes

– Dirty brushes

– Sunglasses

– Balloons and gift wrappers

– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”

– Shiny party dress (scales)

– Pages of sketches

– Seashells

– Coins

– Flowers

– Valentines

– Marshmallow

– Guitar strings

– Pool balls and puzzle pieces

– Sparkles

– Bicycle ring

– Rollerblades

– Christmas lights

– Headphones

– Postcards

__________

Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.

__________

Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.

__________

She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.

__________

She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.

PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams.

AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.

There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.

____________________________________________________________

7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?

Act 1 – Rules and relationships

Opening

AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.

Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life.

Some people cry.

__________

PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger.

__________

7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7.

__________

Inciting Incident

PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste.

__________

Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings.

An evasive flying robot kills more people. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’e ID.

__________

People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.

7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four.

__________

Lo catches the drones.

Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.

Turning Point

Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether.

Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.

Lo wants to be normal. (You are a perfectly normal human being).

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

__________

The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.

__________

An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date

The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.

PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.

Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that

__________

The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling.

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

______________________________

Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)

New plan

She appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.

Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the dehumanization program.

__________

PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling.

__________

PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7.

Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.

The adversity that will help Lo in the game.

__________

Plan in action

AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)

They hide.

__________

Midpoint Turning Point

F11 reveals where they are.

TPJ: Turning Point 3: But they get caught.

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

__________

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Catches a drone.

Some people join.

AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot.

______________________________

Act 3 – Survival game

Rethink everything

Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)

AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed.

Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.

__________

New plan

PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.

Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive.

They destroy the drones that are watching them.

7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.

Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.

__________

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.

Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)

______________________________

Act 4 – The truth

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die.

__________

AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.

Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.

__________

Resolution

Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one.

Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.

PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.

Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.

__________

PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.

Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.

Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.

[Jacqueline Murphy]

Jacqueline Murphy New Outline Beats MOD 4 LES 4 Basic Plotting August 16, 2022

VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.

What I learned from doing this assignment that going back in and seeing the TP and beginning to end is a great way to see if your story works. I need to sleep on this and review again tomorrow to see the Logic but for now this is what I have.1. State-To-Activity empowerment process. State: I am absolutely capable…Activity: …plotting my story!

Simple Beat Sheet August 16, 2022

Genre Drama/Thriller SORCERESS OF HOLLYWOOD

Act 1 Olivia’s mom dies giving her a family heirloom- a kaleidoscope which is the only thing Olivia knows about her real father. Olivia meets and makes a deal with a powerful Sorcerer

Oliva PJ 1: Olivia’s mom dies leaving her with a “kaleidoscope” a gift from the father she never knew and tells Olivia “Now is your time to go for your dreams, like the kaleidoscope you can change what you look at!!”

Deeper Layer 1: Olivia decides now’s the time and her childhood wound of never knowing her dad, rejection as an actress and loss of her mom is fueling her decisions.

O PJ 2: After another failed audition Olivia meets her BBF Angelica, a psychic and intuitive healer for her yearly birthday lunch and tarot reading. But today Angelica refuses to read O’s cards and tells her to appreciate how beautiful her life is now.

Mr. Z AJ 1: They’re interrupted by Mr. Z a sorcerer who seduces her with an offer to “time travel” her and have her dream to be a big movie star has tried for years to make it in Hollywood and hit walls

Deeper Layer 1: Z AJ: With the death of Olivia’s mom the “magic” portal is open for a short time and NOW is Z’s chance to get his power back, especially since Olivia has no idea she has a “genetic talent” for magic. Z seduces her by “time travel” her to OH dimension with visions of stardom in 1940’s Hollywood and finding her long lost father. He runs interference between Olivia and her BBF by reading “tarot cards” as he tells O, Angelica is keeping you for herself.

Angelica Triangle J(TJ) 1: Angelica warns Olivia about Z

Deeper Layer: Angelica has an “inkling” about how dangerous Mr. Z is and has a secret romantic love for Olivia. Angelica wants to keep O close to control her in a different way but is bereft when Olivia goes for her dream.

Inciting Incident: Olivia makes the deal with Mr. Z leaving her protective friend Angelica and her life behind to be a Movie Star in 1940’s Hollywood and to search for her roots and her dad. The Deal: Olivia must “trade” the kaleidoscope and agree to never return to the “real world”.

Mr. Z AJ 2: Mr. Z needs Olivia to be in the OHD to steal her power and the kaleidoscope to change the “world view” of who he is and be “Ruler of the Throne”

Olivia PJ 3: Olivia accepts Mr. Z’s offer and goes for her dream

In the 1940’s Old Hollywood Dimension (OHD) Z gives Olivia her dream of being a Movie star and “trades” her the kaleidoscope for fame and commits to never go back to the Real world.

Deeper Layer: Olivia has no idea what traded away in her desire for fame and to find her dad.

TURNING POINT: Olivia is enjoying her fame in the OHD but she’s hurtled into danger and a fish out water there. Everyone wants a piece of her. The Studio head plays with her by giving her part to “Starlet” a younger “All about Eve” competitor, Davey Haze the Mafia Club owner has a “fancy” for Olivia and Z has allowed O’s addicted boyfriend Billy to enter the OHD causing havoc and a PR disaster for Olivia as Billy gambles her money and “sets” her up to be beholden to Davey. Olivia starts an affair with the powerful Oscar winning Taylor Desmond thinking he can protect her and control the Mafia and studio but the tables are turned and it’s yet another PR mess.

Deeper Layer: Olivia is worse off, feels like a big failure and considers going back home after seeing that the grass isn’t always greener.

Z AJ 3: Z watches the “show” and knows exactly what’s he’s doing by keeping Olivia off balance but making sure she has “stardom” while keep her off his desire for her power. He tries to “broker” a deal with Wanda Fish the Head Goddess and find the creator.

Deeper Layer: Z wants what he feels is his: Power to Rule OHD and will do anything to get it.

ACT 2

Olivia’s plays the game with the powerful OHD men.

MIDPOINT: Olivia ventures out into the OHD meeting a homeless woman-Wanda Fish- who helps her find her families cemetery. In this “sacred place of the dead” the OHD renders them invisible and Z can’t follow. Wanda reveals she is Head of the Goddess Coven that protects the dimensions creator-Olivia’s father and tells Olivia she has hidden magical talents and is the NEXT RULER! but must give up her stardom.

Angelica Triangle J(TJ) 2: Angelica missing her “true love” Olivia uses her “crystal ball” and sees that Olivia is floundering. Angelica reaches out to “Wanda Fish”, the Head Goddess to help but Wanda has her own agenda: To keep O in the OHD because Olivia is the only woman who can rule and Z the only man that are direct descendent’s of the man who created OHD.

Deeper Layer: Angelica misses Olivia and is looking for a reason to give the Head Goddess Wanda to let her back into the OHD.

Olivia PJ 4: Intrigued Olivia agrees to go along with and meet the Coven of Goddess’s and see what this magical dimension is.

Deeper Layer: Olivia desperately wants to know how and why her dad created this OHD, who she is and her role. She’s tempted with having it all: stardom, ruler and to get a handle on this dangerous OH dimension.

Deeper Layer Wanda: She has to keep Olivia in the OHD as O is the only WOMAN who can rule and Z is the only MAN.

Z AJ 4 Z senses something is off with Olivia not being at the club starts to follow Olivia and sniff around.
Deeper Layer: At any cost Z must win

ACT 3

Angelica time travels to OHD to “save” Olivia. Telling O to be “true to herself and family and uses Olivia’s twenty year-old niece Norma drug problem to get Olivia back. Olivia tired of being jerked around by everyone “practices her magic” and pleads with Z to send her back to the real world to help Norma. When Z refuses Olivia explodes and her inner power is magnetized as she grabs the “Wheel of Fortune” tarot card from him and is able to travel herself back home.

Deeper Layer: Olivia is disappointed with how all is going and feels she’s sacrificed and left behind her “stardom”.

TURNING POINT Act 3

Z and Angelica go back to the real world to get what they need from Olivia. Z needs to get her back to the OH Dimension Angelica wants to keep O in the real world. Z notices Norma wants to be “just like Auntie O-a star”. When O refuses to go back Z opens the portal and Norma time travels to the OHD to be a star. Olivia’s desire for fame and concern for Norma pulls Olivia back to the OHD.

Olivia PJ 5: Olivia knows she is addicted to fame and “caught” and must go back to OHD save Norma and herself.

Deeper Layer: Olivia’s is addicted to the power and fame she had and is tempted to stay in OHD and make it there as star and ruler. She thinks she can control Norma there.

Upon arriving in OHD Olivia sees Norma is a star, dating a powerful newspaper magnate and refuses to go back with her

Z AJ 5: Z knows the portal is closing and he has to close the deal he lures Norma into the portal to get Olivia to go back.

Angelica TJ 3: Angelica knows time is short and she & Z will have a battle of wills. She’ll have to let Olivia know of her “Angelic” powers and that she knew of the OHD dimension and father.

Deeper Layer: Angelica love causes her to want to be by Olivia no matter what. She’ll have to let Olivia know of her “Angelic” powers and that she knew “all along” of the evil Z, OHD dimension and father. Angelica fears losing Olivia’s trust forever.

Z AJ 6: Z outsmarts Angelica, Wanda and the coven by promising Olivia an Oscar if she stays but sets up further conflict by having Starlet and Norma nominated as well to keep Olivia off balance.

Deeper layer: Z has to keep Olivia in the OHD for the power to be transferred to him AND keep her from practicing magic and discovering her hidden genetic talent.

ACT 4

Disappointed in herself and searching for her “true purpose” Olivia visits the family cemetery looking for an answer. The portal almost will close and the power struggle between Z-Evil, Angelica-Good and the Goddess Coven have caused an electrical storm. A huge thunderclap burns a tree and from the smoke Olivia recognizes a man she’s only seen in pictures: Her father. He tells her he’s alive but trapped-hiding under a spell. Her mom’s death opened the life/death portal for a short time. It’s up to Olivia to set him free and save the OHD he created. She must act. Olivia demands Z give her the Kaleidoscope but when he refuses she explodes grabbing it from his neck. A prism of color blinds them all but Olivia can see the different “views”.
CLIMAX:

Z challenges Olivia to a magic duel to see who rules. The thunderstorm is getting worse, a bolt of lightening pierces Olivia’s heart throwing her up in the air where she floats for a minute UNTIL the whole universe shakes releasing power and her father from the spell and causes her mother to appear as the GOLDEN One. All bow when they see Olivia’s mom and dad who command Olivia to be the ruler- as her true nature is BALANCE. All get on board and Olivia is crowned “Sorceress of Hollywood” but demands she can be all she dreams off. Angelica and the Goddess are on Olivia’s side

Deeper Layer: Olivia knows and accepts the truth, Z knows he must serve her and Angelica is happy to be in her orbit.

RESOLUTION: Olivia decides ALL should be empowered and encouraged to be all they can be as she rules fairly.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: it was harder for me to go backward, but working with the Turning Points was very helpful right away. Also, when I was hyper-focused on inputting the characters’ moments, I didn’t know how to include something that wasn’t initially assigned to a character. This round, I was able to assign more of those, and to see gaping holes where plot points needed to be made.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: Pete is returning from a dig with the merry band of diggers; brushes off the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about science.

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: Slick Willy passes the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left.

PJ 2: Everybody loads up, helps kids hop in… drives off.

PJ 3: Someone notices that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out… very ready to help… He mentions that a particular kid would like XX on the ditch. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

PJ 4: In a town celebration, Pete dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!

TJ 1: Lawyer arrives and takes stock. Talks about NASA. Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy thinks he’s playing a strong hand – holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Thinks he’ll be a hero.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.

PJ 4: Starts to call out Slick Willy – he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The fossil is in danger from the person pretending to help—so Pete takes over the seizure himself. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy calls in the National Guard (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest.

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 5 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 6: Pete is interviewed—a lot—and keeps telling his truth. People start to love him.

AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—and he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Confesses this to his colleague. Colleague helps to steer and organize.

TJ 3: Bronc files paperwork about the National Guard / tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science.

AJ 6: Slick Willy brings more “experts” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, some of them start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” But frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 7: Pete calls Charlie: “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 7: Slick Willy hints to the press that a large investigation is underway.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 8: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. He reveals that during his preliminary “self-investigation,” he’s discovered that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong.

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 8: Slick willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 9: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 10 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc lay out a plan to investigate every count. Sends out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach them.)

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.

TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

PJ 11: Pete is devastated at the loss of his dinosaur. A medicine man comes to talk to him about disturbing fossils—but that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.

AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.

PJ 12: Pete stands alone for the team, willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong. He goes and talks to June in her storage container.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

PJ 13: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.

AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)

PJ 14 / 15 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison.

TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted on anything at all, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?

[Nat Melvin]

M4 LESSON 3: Natalie’s New Outline Beats

My vision is to create and produce award winning stories that make an unforgettable emotional impact on a worldwide audience.

What I learned from this assignment: It’s ok to let go off of perfection and to vomit the first draft, and… OMG! I discovered so many new plot twists and deeper levels that make total sense and also cover up a few plot holes. Loving this! However, Act 4 still gave me a huge three weeks long of agonizing frustration.

BLOODHUNTER

Mystery Thriller / Drama

ACT 1: A sudden death of a wealthy aristocrat triggers the race for inheritance

Emily PJ 1: Emily describes the source of her emotional trauma (as a witness of a cult’s sacrificial ritual), and makes sketches from her memory – while under a hypnosis

Walter AJ 1: In preparation for his Great Uncle’s funeral, Walter arranges plaster phantoms on pews

Deeper Layer: Walter molds trophy plaster phantoms off his relatives’ bodies whom he kills

Hagan TJ 1: Comes to the chapel to bid farewell to his estranged father, and is called to see his sister, Lady Winslet (LW)

Walter AJ 2: Walter becomes unsettled about Hagan’s visit to LW, slides stone slates aside on the floor and descends into a hole

Deeper layer: Walter uses network of old tunnels to get anywhere in the estate

INCITING INCIDENT: / PJ 2: Emily’s drawing of a girl triggers her belief that her daughter is alive

Deeper layer: Emily has a DID and lives a double life, that of a mother, and her 8 y.o. girl

Hagan TJ 2 (Turning Point 1): LW reveals her terminal illness and notifies Hagan that he will not be the heir of the estate, per his father’s will. She orders him to leave this town immediately, while his daughter, Hunter, will remain in LW’s custody until he sets his roots in a new place somewhere else

Deeper Layer: Hagan is half African American man, adopted by LW’s deceased brother, who is born out of wedlock. He’s been rejected by his father’s snobbish white suprematists’ family

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 3: Cherimoya eavesdrops Hagan’s and LW’s conversation about the will

Hagan TJ 3: Hagan expresses his intent to fight for his rights and swears to find proof of his relation to the family, no matter what or who stands on his way, then leaves, outraged.

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 4: Cherimoya enters LW’s room after Hagan leaves, forcing her to give her LW’s brother’s will. He leaves her sitting in her wheelchair, barely alive.

Emily PJ 3: Emily sees Hagan headed to the chapel through the window, attacks her psychiatrist, Susan, grabs her notebook, Susan’s rain coat and runs away

Deeper level: What if Emily’s psychiatrist was Susan, Hagan’s wife whom Emily pushed and accidentally killed a while ago? She can have a flashback triggered by Hagan when she sees him

Hagan TJ 4: Hagan returns to the chapel and is approached by Detective Mike who is investigating Hagan’s father’s death

Emily PJ 4: Emily eavesdrops a conversation where detective Mike interrogates and tries to corner Hagan for his father’s bizarre death

Deeper layer: Younger Hagan attempted to burn his drunken father to death when he saw him killing his mother

Hagan TJ 5: Hagan gets a sample of his late father’s charred skin and leaves. Mike threatens to catch Hagan for what he did

Emily PJ 5: Emily waits for Mike to leave, then rushes after Hagan toward the door, but…

Walter AJ 5: Walter grabs Emily by her ankles, trying to pull her into the hole on the floor, justifying as trying to protect her from Hagan

Deeper layer: Walter was Emily’s boyfriend for a short while before she fell in love with Hagan.The three of them grew up together in Hagan’s father’s estate

Emily PJ 6: Emily frees herself up from Walter’s clutches, runs toward Susan’s car and drives off clumsily

TURNING POINT 1: Emily escapes from her self-induced confinement

ACT 2: Emily seeks Hagan’s help finding her daughter

Walter AJ 6: Walter watches Emily steering away in Susan’s car. He glances at Emily’s window, and limps in the direction toward the house

Emily PJ 7: Steams by a stalled police car with Detective Mike looking under its hood.

Walter AJ 7: Walter gets into Emily’s room finding Susan in a pool of blood on the floor. He asks about what Emily remembered and what she wants, then grabs Emily’s sketches book. He uses Susan’s finger to dial 911 and leaves her barely alive with a phone in her hand

(OR: No Susan, no blood, just Emily’s sketches book, and Walter seeing Susan in a pool of blood in a flashback)

Deeper layer: Detective Mike receives a call from the police about Kingsleys’ estate, then drives off after Emily.

(OR: He sees Emily accelerating by and calls to inquire about her license plate – revealed as Hagan’s dead wife’s car)

Emily PJ 8: Emily notices police car chasing her, accelerates, looses control and slams into a tree

Walter AJ 8: Walter returns to the chapel, skims through Emily’s notebook, arranges a circle of candles by the altar in a way that resembles her drawing, then descends into the hole on the floor

(OR: threatens Evans so he can reveal where Hunter is)

Emily PJ 9: Emily gets a ride in detective Mike’s car, who asks navigating questions to confuse Emily. She tells Mike her visions about the cult, the tunnel, mentions her missing daughter, ostensibly in danger, and pleads to help her meet Hagan. Mike is intrigued. They arrive at Hagan’s nightclub. Mike cuffs Emily’s hands and takes her inside.

Hagan TJ 6: Hagan sips Ayahuasca drink and dives into a flashback of the Younger self running away from his deranged drunkard father

Emily PJ 10: Mike leaves Emily with Teresa, a barista, and asks her to bring Emily to Hagan’s office in 15 minutes

Hagan TJ 7: Gets interrogated by Mike who pressures him to admit killing his wife and his missing child

Deeper layer: Hagan’s wife is said to commit suicide in the tunnel by his club. Hagan is a suspect. They had a daughter who is presumed missing, but in reality she’s raised by LW.

(New version: Walter has a flashback of seeing Susan (Hagan’s wife) killed, and dragging her away. He could have brought her into the tunnel and left her by Hagan’s club to set him up).

Emily PJ 11: Teresa, who claims attending the same boarding school as Emily, listens to Emily’s cry about her missing daughter being in danger and suggests talking to Cherimoya who knows Hagan well. They call Cherimoya

Deeper level: Teresa wants to marry Walter and is jealous of his love for Emily

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 9: In VO, Cherimoya agrees to meet Emily in an abandoned tunnel at midnight

Emily PJ 12: Teresa brings Emily to Hagan’s office. Mike watches their reaction. Emily backs away

Hagan TJ 8: Hagan offers Mike a bribe to find Kingsley’s family records book. Mike agrees, then leaves

Emily PJ 13: Emily convinces Mike to meet Cherimoya in an abandoned tunnel

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 10: Cherimoya learns from Teresa that Emily thinks that her daughter is alive

Hagan TJ 9: Hagan has a flashback where his drunken father kills his mother, Younger Hagan sets him on fire, and Younger Emily pulls Hagan out of the maid’s quarters, barely alive

Emily PJ 14: Emily and Mike find a manhole on the street to get into the tunnel. Reluctantly, Emily goes in

Hagan TJ 10: Teresa tells Hagan that Emily and Mike were talking about abandoned tunnels

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 11: Cherimoya calls Hagan to inform him about Ayahuasca meeting

Deeper layer: Hagan runs Ayahuasca healing retreat for troubled youth and misfits

Emily PJ 15: In the tunnel, Emily, enchanted by an unfolding, wild Halloween party, looses sight of Mike and gets lost. She asks around for Cherimoya

Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 11: Hagan, in a Phantom’s costume, finds Emily. They dance. He asks navigating questions about what she remembers from her past

Emily PJ 16: Emily confesses her feelings for Hagan, the boy she fell in love with, in a flashback to their childhood where they break up under the rain

Walter as Cherimoya AJ 12: Cherimoya watches Emily dance with the Phantom (Hagan), and sends a messenger to notify Hagan that everything is ready for the ceremony

Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 12: The Phantom apologizes to Emily and leaves, asking his employees to keep an eye on Emily

Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 13: Cherimoya catches Emily having withdrawal from meds and offers help. She takes Emily to a secret Ayahuasca gathering where during a bizarre ritual, Emily takes the drink

Emily PJ 17: While purging from Ayahuasca, Emily experiences petrifying visions from her past, the cult’s ritual, and bizarre creature abolishing her family so he can get to Hunter

TURNING POINT 2/ MIDPOINT: In her vision, Hagan is revealed as a leader of the cult, where he conducts a sacrificial ritual on Hunter all covered in blood

ACT 3: Character rethinks their journey and makes a real change to solve things

Emily suspects Hagan of being the leader of the cult who threatens her daughter’s life

Emily PJ 18: Emily sees vivid visions of the Phantoms, Cherimoya, and LW gathered for a sacrificial ritual

Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 13: The Phantom sends Cherimoya to bring Emily back to the estate.

(OR: Cherimoya snatches Emily before Hagan, lying that he asked her to bring Emily to his place to meet. In this case, need Hagan learn that Emily was taken by Cherimoya, so he goes back to the estate looking for her. Also, set up in a prior scene that he asks his assistant (or Cherimoya) to bring Emily to the ceremony

Walter /Cherimoya AJ 14: Cherimoya asks questions about Emily’s visions while driving back to the estate. Emily gets sick and throws up.

(NOTE: May need to add a scene of Cheri carrying Emily to the chapel.

Emily PJ 19: Emily wakes up in the basement warehouse (under the chapel) in someone else’s made up bed, naked. She finds her clothes neatly stacked up on bed (does Walter have an OCD – show this throughout the script). She gets dressed and wonders around

Hagan TJ 14: Hagan receives a call about family records book on his way to the estate

(OR as he does, then heads to the Estate. NEED to make a stronger reason for him to go there, such as making his decision on a competitive basis or out of threat to either Emily or the estate)

Emily PJ 20: Emily finds manikins concealed under a veil. (Later revealed as wearing facial latex masks resembling her relatives who’ve been missing or killed). She stumbles upon a manikin resembling Teresa,

(OR: Teresa wearing Emily’s face latex mask, which starts shedding tears. In this case, Emily can yank it off, revealing Teresa). (NOTE: Need a scene before where Teresa gets drugged by Cherimoya/ Walter?? Is she in the car with Em? Does Walter feel threatened by Teresa?)

Walter/ Phantom AJ 15: Walter, dressed as the Phantom, dances with Emily. The lights from the approaching car beam through a narrow hole in the window blinding Emily. After a moment, she finds herself alone staring at Phantom’s cape and the mask on the floor

Hagan TJ 15: Hagan looks for Arthur Kingsley’s relief statue in the chapel

OR: Looks for Hunter (NEED to set this up), and finds her plaster phantom’s statue, devastated.

NOTE: Does he get attacked/ fights with Walter? Who tells him about Arthur’s statue?

Emily PJ 21: Looking for Hagan, Emily walks into a shady nook with Walter, sitting alone, tied up onto a chair

(NOTE: set his ability to tie up knots earlier). Also need to set up Walter’s disappearance earlier

Walter AJ 16: Walter tries to convince Emily that he knows where Hunter is. He lures her closer, asking her help to untie his hands

Emily PJ 22: Emily unties Walter’s hands

Walter AJ 17: He grabs Emily and rips her clothes off. (IMPORTANT! For Emily to get the cloaks). She fights back. Walter threatens to reveal that Emily murdered Hagan’s wife, Susan. Emily subsides, drowning in guilt.

Hagan TG 16: Hearing noise from under the ground, Hagan descends into a hole on the floor, and finds Emily half naked, in Walter’s embrace. Heartbroken, he backs away

Emily PJ 23: Emily fights Walter, trying to go after Hagan

TURNING POINT 3: MAJOR TWIST: Walter takes over Emily’s quest to pursue Hagan

Walter AJ 18: Walter ties Emily’s hands and tells her that Hagan is the leader of the cult who disguises himself as his victims, and that Hagan is deviously dangerous, he forces everyone to do his dirty job for him. Walter runs after Hagan ostensibly to stop him hurting Hunter

(NOTE: Show Walter seeing Hagan parking his car before he tries to seduce Emily)

ACT 4: Climax. The Ultimate Expression of the Conflict:

EVERYTHING in this act is a PLACEHOLDER. No sense of direction – yet.

Walter AJ 19: Walter slips into LW’s bedroom, grabs her empty wheelchair and rolls it toward the closet. He takes LW’s funeral dress, and smirks: Show time, Lady Winslet! Show time.

NOTE: (does he find Hunter there, in tears, scared to death?)

Emily PJ 24: Emily tries to free herself up and knocks a few candles off the bed. The fire catches curtains engulfing everything on its way. Teresa, barely alive, manages to crawl toward Emily, unties her hands, then faints. Emily subdues the fire, pulls Teresa to a safe corner, then grabs a hooded cloak from a manikin, then heads out.

Hunter: Hunter sobs in semi-darkness sitting next to the wrapped, mummified corpse. She freaks out hearing screeching of the door.

??? Emily PJ 25: Emily goes through a narrow tunnel.

(Need tis here?) She hears soft sobbing, then stops to listen

FLASHBACK HERE?: An a dark tunnel, an 8 y.o. girl is led by a Man.They talk about Angels

Hagan TG 17: Hagan passes by hooded phantoms busy arranging the pedestal with a small figure under the cape. He notices Hunter’s plaster phantom, and stops to investigate

Walter/Lady Winslet TJ 20: Lady Winslet sits on a wheelchair squeezing an embroidered pillow

Emily PJ 24: Emily climbs up the ladder and pushes stone slate aside, and comes up in the middle of the ritual. She approaches the altar blending in between the Phantoms dressed in hooded cloaks. They chant around a body on a pedestal under a cape embroidered with the COA

Celebrant: A celebrant face concealed under the hood, mumbles Gregorian chant, circling the body on the pedestal. The Phantoms point swords at the body

Emily PJ 25: Emily breaks through the circle of Phantoms, and gets caught. She pleads LW to stop the ceremony.

Walter/ Lady Winslet 21: Does something (OR says something) provocative to set up Hagan

Emily PJ 26: Emily responds with hesitation (dilemma)

NOTE: Emily has to be given a gun OR has a gun. By whom? How did she get it? From Evans?

Walter/ as Hagan AJ 21: Impatient, screams at Emily a certain word of encouragement

Emily PJ 27: Emily recognizes the word, switches her aim at Lady Winslet, misfires, then drops the gun in terror

Walter/ LW 22: manages to grab the gun and shoots at Hagan, wounding him, then careens and hits a decrepit pole, which crashes, making a huge gap on the floor. Everyone falls into the hole

Emily PJ 28: Emily sees Hunter under a debris, and digs her out, barely alive. Just then, the ceiling of the chapel gives in and collapses, covering everyone with deteriorated planks and dust

Resolution: Their world has changed

Emily PJ 29: In the hospital visits Hagan bound to bed. Lady Winslet’s lawyer comes with announcement that Lady Winslet’s body was never found, which means that no one can inherit the estate. The Lawyer steps out and brings Hunter in. She runs to Hagan calling him Daddy, and proclaiming her love to him

Hagan TJ 18: Hagan whispers words of love to Emily

Emily PJ 30: Emily experiences a vision of her Younger Self dancing with Younger Hagan, where they almost seal their love with a kiss

Epilogue:

Flashback: Evans puts Lady Winslet’s latex mask over Walter’s head, who is in a coffin, making sure he resembles Lady Winslet. He puts Lady Winslet’s pillow into her hands, then discovers something inside it. He rips the pillow apart, and finds an envelope.

Hunter, Hagan and Emily attend Lady Winslet’s funeral. Emily holds Hagan’s hand, and the will in her other hand, where they both are made an equal heir.

[Susan Arnout Smith]

Susan Arnout Smith’s Great Amazing Vision: I easily co-create with the Creator projects that are produced, win awards, heal hearts and bring me professional respect, financial abundance and time to explore the world with my family and friends.

What I learned from Lesson 4: I was heartened by how the story–while certainly having ‘holes’ is coming together. Small steps.

Genre: SciFi/ Drama

ACT 1: The Prophesy Finds its Mark

Esme PJ 1: 12-year-old Halfling Esme Cooper attacks her nemesis, Gisselda. At issue is whether a Halfling (Esme) will ever become the next High Priestess, even though the role has been in Esme’s mother’s pureblood family line for centuries. Esme’s taunted: there’s no guarantee when she comes of age (12), she’ll have the gift of ‘soul fragment healing’.

Esme PJ 2: Esme fights with her mother to be allowed to attend a Soul Binding. Esme is almost 12, the age when they’ll know if she has her mother’s gift. Esme wants to know ahead of time, so that she won’t be publicly humiliated. Only the High Priestess, (and Esme hopes the HP-in-waiting), are able to see soul-fragments. It’s way too dangerous; her mother refuses.

H3M3 (Queen) AJ 1: H3M3, ruler of the immense and dangerous mainland, unearths an ancient prophesy and pays extra to activate the curse buried inside it—but the curse can swing back and hit the person who called it out, so it’s dangerous.

Deeper Layer: H3M3 is taking no chances: her goal is to destroy the High Priestess line, and especially Esme, along with the island kingdom of Cantoria.

H3M3 (Queen) AJ2: The Queen, in the looming large mainland kingdom next to the island, finds the perfect victim. The woman’s eviscerated. Disguised, the woman’s broken body is allowed onto Cantoria, so that the High Priestess (Esme’s mother, Ilya), can reunite it with its soul fragment.

INCITING INCIDENT: In a risky and brash move, Esme disobeys her mother, and climbs into the sky following her mother to find the current soul fragment. She’s attacked by gyres, and only her mother’s skills bring Esme and the soul-fragment back safely into the Binder tent.

Esme PJ 3: Esme is rebuked by the Binder women, but allowed to watch the Soul Binding as her mother reunites the soul fragment with the woman we now recognize as the Queen’s victim.

H3M3 (Queen) AJ3: The fragment is reunited with the eviscerated woman…who morphs into a molten silvery assassin creature.

Deeper Layer: The Queen has breached the security of Cantoria. The destruction has begun.

Esme PJ4: The Binder women meld into a fighting force to protect their High Priestess…and Esme.

H3M3 (Queen): AJ 4: The creature uses acid and other weapons to chew through the Binders (who now have been joined by the Benders, (the Cantorian security arm).

TURNING POINT 1: As the assassin melts into acid, it delivers the ancient prophesy: Cantoria will die at the hands of a child: Esme!

ACT 2: Lessons Learned

Esme PJ 5: Completely shocked by the security breach, carnage and the prophesy, Esme is sequestered for her own protection. She tries multiple ways to prove the prophesy false and to take off of her family the community’s outrage and belief that Esme’s behavior caused all the ruin that followed. Everything she tries fails.

H3M3 AJ5: The Queen savagely punishes those she holds responsible for the screw-up. She had intended the assassin to make quick work of the High Priestess and Esme. Now she must activate Plan B.

Deeper Layer: The Queen prepares for a vicious invasion of Cantoria.

Esme PJ 6: Esme’s sent to live with her dad in the Outlier compound. He takes the prophesy very seriously. As a former Navy Seal, he teaches her multiple ways to defend herself for what he knows is a coming war.

Turning point 2/Midpoint: Cantoria is invaded by the Queen’s army. The Cantorians are enslaved by the Queen’s army. Esme and her immediate family, (mother, dad, little sister, Brinn), escape Cantoria, headed for Earth.

Act 3: Shifting identities

Esme PJ 7: Esme’s mother gives her a necklace and wraps her in a mantle of forgetfulness to protect her. She’s cautioned by both parents she must never remember her old life, as they will be able to track her signal that way.

H3M3 AJ 7: The Queen indeed is tracking them. She sends her best team after them. They lose the signal (when Esme is wrapped in the cloak of forgetfulness). Outraged, the Queen picks a new path.

H3M3 AJ 8: She creates an avatar to ‘place-hold’ as Queen, tries on various identities, and settles on one. The ancient keeper of the prophesy appears and reminds the Queen of the ‘rules’. The curse she bought is clear: Esme can only be killed…as Esme…and the Queen…must be in her own form. The battle for Cantoria must occur…on Cantoria. The Queen must find a way to return Esme to Cantoria in order to obliterate the kingdom. The Cantorians are enslaved, but only Esme dying will kill off the kingdom forever. If the Queen goes off-planet and kills Esme, violating these rules, she’ll die a horrible death and her immense kingdom will be forever blotted from history.

Esme PJ 8: Esme’s family crash-lands on Earth. She’s got amnesia when she wakes up in a hospital room. She remembers nothing of who she is or where she came from. She picks Rose as her name.

H3M3 (now Mary) AJ 9: Mary Fortuna meets Esme in the hospital. She’s a wise-cracking, fun and fierce advocate for homeless kids. She promises Esme (Rose) she’ll help her remember who she is so she can be reunited with her family, whoever and wherever they are. Mary brings daring and fun into Esme’s life and encourages her to try dangerous things.

Esme PJ 9: Esme realizes the necklace produces brief flashes of memory. She relates these to her protector, Mary, who has found a place for her in a foster home.

Deeper Layer: We know that Mary is the Queen in disguise; Esme doesn’t. Mary realizes Esme is being tracked by bad guys using her ‘light flashes’ to find her.

Croom TJ 1 We introduce Croom, the triangle character, a science teacher at the school for homeless kids. Croom’s doing an entire section on ‘extra special abilities’. Esme (Rose) is in many ways an innocent. The mantle of forgetfulness has also affected her ability to intuit danger. Croom immediately understands who Esme is, and who Mary is.

Esme PJ 10: Esme is befriended by her science teacher at the school for the homeless. As a growing girl, she’s feeling a bit of chafing at how constricted a rein Mary has on her. She likes that she’s meeting people on her own; it makes her feel grown up. Croom skillfully separates her out from Mary, tricking her into not going back to her foster home.

Croom, TJ 2: Croom takes a select group of students on a ‘field trip’. He shows them where he works at a part-time job, a magical bookstore that will take them through books where ever their hearts desire. And then somehow, the others peel off, (arranged by Croom), leaving Esme with Croom. The ceiling softens, becomes porous, disappears. It reveals the sky. Esme sees for the first time soul fragments in the Earth’s sky. Croom is triumphant, but carefully keeps this to himself. Esme/Rose, is, indeed, the ‘real deal’. He can make a lot of money out of her gift.

Deeper layer: We see that yes, Esme does have the special Cantorian powers that would lead to her being the next High Priestess. And her level of danger just keeps getting higher. And we know that while Mary (the Queen), is trying to kill Esme, Cantoria, and finish off the line of Soul Binders completely, Croom, on the other hand, is trying to use her powers for ill and wants to enslave her on Earth. (So going back to Cantoria means death—at the Queen’s hands, staying on Earth means death (enslavement) by Croom. Nothing’s safe.

Esme PJ 11: What Esme sees in the Earth’s sky confuses and terrifies her: Now that she can see them, on Earth the sky is literally jammed with soul fragments, traumatized ‘bits’ of people trapped out of time.

Croom TJ 3: Croom claims that Mary is the danger…and that with Esme’s help, he can get Esme back to her ‘own kind’. If….Esme assists him first with capturing soul fragments. He earnestly tells her she must block Mary’s energy. Mary is the enemy. The danger. He assures her she can do this, she’s just demonstrated her power. This is just another part of it.

Deeper Layer: Croom pretends he has a humane system of reuniting soul fragments with their wounded bodies. He makes her believe this by using her new, revealed knowledge and hunger for home to entrap her.

H3M3 (Mary): AJ 10: Mary knows exactly the danger Croom represents. She goes on the hunt for him. Her powers of connection with Rose/Esme have been ‘blocked’, something Esme did at Croom’s urgent suggestion.

Croom TJ4: Croom encourages Esme/Rose to try her first soul retrieval of a fragment. She’s not to worry about finding the wounded body it belongs to; Croom will take care of that part. Her part is just to pick a fragment and bring it safely down to Earth.

Esme PJ 12: The sky is so full it’s hard to pick. Esme ‘sees’ herself lifting into the sky…and she manifests this. Suddenly, she’s airborne. Esme picks a fragment out that’s vibrating at a very high frequency of terror, a small child repeating the moment when the ‘fracture’ happened.

Deeper Layer: Esme is in line now to be the High Priestess. She is Esme. Her memories come flooding back. Including her mother, her mother’s gift, and now the realization that she, Esme, is the proven heir to her mother: The High Priestess in Waiting. She’s exultant and in awe. She can fly. She can soothe. She can retrieve. And, she needs to find her family.

Mary AJ 11: Mary’s been on the lookout for this moment. The instant Esme connects with her true power/nature and retrieves the soul fragment, the ‘fog’ Esme/Rose placed around herself splits apart; her light is too big. Mary instantly sees Esme’s energetic form. Mary doesn’t fly skyward: that would ruin her cover. She waits on the ground and figures out where Esme is headed.

Croom TJ5: Croom tracks her progress and guides her to him. Back to the innocuous looking bookstore, but it’s magic, with multiple ‘backrooms.

Esme PJ 13: Esme tenderly carries in the soul fragment, reassuring it that it’s soon to be healed, soon to be reunited with its human body that it fled at its moment of severe trauma. Esme is about to hand over the fragment to Croom.

Mary AJ 12: Mary stops her just in time. Croom was feeding the soul fragments into a hideous big machine to get all the ‘juice’ out. He’s selling the fragments to rich worldly patrons as the fountain of youth.

Croom TJ6: If he can’t have the soul fragment, he’ll take Esme, and keep her power harnessed on a wheel so that all she sees is a repeat over and over of Cantoria at its most powerful. He captures and contains her.

TP 3 Act 4: Esme rights the world

Mary AJ 13 Mary grabs Esme back—hard–and sends her to stay with her paternal grandparents, retired farmers in Kansas. Mary ‘handles’ Croom, by putting him in his machine, extracting his ‘juice’. It’s pure evil, and an extra weapon she can use to infuse herself when necessary. Note: we may only see this in flash blacks, when Mary is revealed to be the Queen.

Esme PJ 14: Esme’s powers reveal that her father’s parents have been killed and the two imposters were sent by the Queen to hold her captive until the Queen could kill her. She subdues the two.

Mary AJ 14 Mary is right behind, ready to do battle with the two imposters to save the child. Together, she and Esme neutralize the two imposters. She offers to ‘adopt’ Esme.

Deeper Layer: It takes both Mary and Esme’s power to subdue and neutralize the imposter grandparents. Esme still hasn’t attained her true powers yet. She’s only seen glimpses of what she could be. Mary is trying to control Esme’s power, and ultimately, her life.

Esme PJ 15 Esme discovers the prototype her father told her about that he built to use to traverse the distance between Earth and Cantoria. She’s going home and nothing and no one can stop her.

Mary AJ 15 Impulsively, Mary climbs in at the last second. It’s too late to turn around.

Deeper Layer. The farther they get in the spaceship taking them back to Cantoria, the more Mary ‘slips’.

Esme PJ 16 Esme goes from trusting Mary to doubting her to being afraid of her. They are entering Cantorian boundaries.

Mary/Queen AJ 16 Mary struggles to keep the persona of Mary intact, but as they get closer to Cantoria, her actual body starts to distort into something frightening; a gargoyle. The gargoyle morphs into the Queen.

Deeper Layer. Esme realizes she’s been with the Queen this entire time, and now the Queen is going to kill her. The Queen’s been party to seeing all her vulnerabilities and weaknesses.

Esme PJ 17: Esme’s childhood friend, Bodhi, now a captain in the Bender security guard, surrounds the ship and stops them. Esme is thrilled to have an ally and a fierce one at that.

Queen AJ 17 The fight for Cantoria begins in earnest. The kingdom has been put under a spell so they are slaves to the queen and are part of the attack quard.

Esme PJ 18: Esme and her forces and the Queen and her forces have a fight that escalates. Bodhi is revealed to be enchanted by the Queen: Esme must win this battle herself. In even fiercer fighting, summoning all she knows and is, and rallying the community behind her once more, Esme finds her parents and sister. They rally to her side.

Queen AJ 18 Queen corners Esme and reveals the why, the big secret: The Queen is Esme’s grandmother. She misused the High Priestess power to create her own kingdom and was banished from Cantoria forever. Only Ilya knows that the evil Queen is actually her deranged mother. The Queen is greedy to get back the power she once had—and if she can’t, then nobody can have it. She’d prefer the entire kingdom of Cantoria, including her daughter and grand-daughter, extinguished so that as far as the eye travels, the only ruler is the Queen, with absolute power. (Goodness trumps evil, unless good is killed.)

Esme AJ 19. Knowing the ‘secret’, Esme is able to put all her sacred and secret knowledge to work. She stops the Queen.

Resolution: Esme becomes the High Priestess and leader of Cantoria. The Queen is neutralized and her kingdom is freed. The scary and ancient curse is turned on the Queen.

Cantoria with Esme as the young leader is saved, badly wounded, back alive as a kingdom. The Queen’s reign is blown up, and her along with it. Esme and Bodhi are still not reconciled but there’s a path back to friendship.

[John Trimbach]

John T’s New Outline Beats

Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.

What I learned doing this assignment is that the 3 processes really work and that by observing other people and attaching dramatic significance to their actions, one can get ideas to extrapolate those actions into usable beats as logical outcomes related to plot.

Title: Air of Disturbance.

Act 1:
Opening – Phil attends the b-day for his adopted niece, Megan, who lives down the street. Pilots Drew and Chet and Flight Attendants Rhonda, Louse and Georgia celebrate Megans’s new job as a flight attendant, a job Phil helped her get.

Phil attends to his rare coin collection, suddenly becomes deeply disturbed. Sits alone in his living room, brooding, talking to himself. (Later we find out his wound is over the death of his wife. He feels guilty because he was unable to defend her from a violent attack. He constantly relives the memory of being unable to save her. )

Inciting Incident – Two nights later Megan is knifed by an unknown attacker. [But where?] Phil finds her body, steps in her blood. Phil chases a burglar suspect in his neighborhood, loses him. [Is the suspect real or imagined?] Phil promises Megan’s mother that he will not rest until the killer is caught.

Turning Point 1: FBI agent Ben opens an investigation because Megan’s mom believes the killer traveled across state lines. Ben interviews Phil.

The chief pilot observes how despondent Phil is, gives him some time off.

We see Phil having an attentive conversation with someone at a cozy restaurant booth. But as we pan to the side, we see that no one’s there. The waitress looks concerned. Has Phil lost it?

Act 2

Phil goes back to work, on his regular flight route, greeted by FA’s Rhonda, Louise, and Georgia, all of whom express their sympathy and try to cheer him up on a layover. Phil meets a flight attendant from another airline and has a drink with her. Louise appears jealous.

Phil takes a course in assault tactics using knives.

Midpoint Turning Point – Phil stands over the body of the same FA he had a drink with from a different airline in her hotel room, the door left ajar. Murdered the same way as Megan, repeatedly stabbed.

Phil is questioned by the police and later by FBI agent Ben – now considers Phil the prime suspect.

Phil finds out the suspect he chased was caught and released.

Phil puzzled by a similar murder so soon after Megan’s death. He makes a file analyzing the two murders. Phil suspects that Agent Ben is tapping his phone, misinterpreting his conversations and his answers to his questions. Ben comes to Phil’s house. Phil slips out the back.

Phil checks into a hotel with Louise. With her help [she secretly fetches his clothes], goes on another weekly trip with the same group of flight attendants.

While on a trip, Phil’s home is searched by Ben – he finds Phil’s file, full of details of the murders.

Plan in action – Phil figures out the killers’s MO and where the next murder is likely to take place. Based on Phil’s file, Ben flies to the city that Phil has marked on the map and the hotel Phil has circled. [Is this the layover hotel or a different one.]

Act 3:
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift –
Another layover murder – the killer must be an airline person. Phil enters the room just after the murder.

Ben looks for Phil. Tipped off by Louise, Phil goes underground. Ben almost catches Phil on the run. Louise helps him ellude Ben.

– Phil decides he must vindicate himself by solving the murders and clear his name.

Flashback: An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to dress up like a girl. Who is the boy?

Rhonda discovers evidence that implicates Phil, rats him out to Ben.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –
Shaken by the killings, Phil seeks the comfort of Louise and her friend, Tammy. Phil drives to the friend Tammy’s apartment. Phil shows up, sees the friend tied up. Tipped off by Rhonda, Agent Ben races to Tammy’s apartment. Ben shoots Phil thinking he’s the killer . The masked killer stabs Ben. Phil charges, wig and mask fall off – it’s Louise aka Lewis. Phil musters all his energy, charges Lewis . They both go over the edge. Phil lands on the lower floor balcony, hanging on for dear life. Same for Lewis – he tells Phil he killed the girls so they could be together. Phil kicks Lewis’ hand – he falls to his death.

Resolution – we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis. Phil visits Ben in the hospital. Ben heals, gets promoted.

Phil dines in the same restaurant as before, having a conversation with his dead wife. The waitress asks if it helps. Phil nods, says goodbye to his wife. He’s ready for a new relationship.

Phil rewarded for his bravery. He has learned to appreciate life.

[Jamie Handley]

Jamie Handley MOD 4 DAY 4

Because of a life rights bailout and waiting on one last copyright permission (now have) I had to reconstruct my entire script’s story. The concept is the same.

After an horrific accident, a woman shares her knowledge of medical negligence to her friends until she discovers the medical mafia and her closest friend is about to undergo a complex surgery by a surgeon who is connected to the mob.

WITHOUT RECOURSE “INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY”

In order to get to the first draft, MOD 5, I will come back daily to do the lessons in MOD 4 (which I feel is very important) one day at a time. For now this is my rough outline.

ACT 1

Arizona 2020

Justine is royally pissed off at someone (Marsha) on the phone, screaming and we hear the conversation. She’s a real bitch.

Justine’s been caring for her dying mother for seven years, exhausted and has physical issues. She wears a full back brace. Her mother, Sarah, falls, becomes unconscious. Firemen and ambulance attend to her. The chaos and sirens stir an old memory of a horrific accident she had years ago that changed her life forever.

FLASHBACK

JUNE 1994 Lake Tahoe, Nevada

Justine is in a complicated relationship with Davidson Wentworth, a wealthy, good looking slick man. She is financially dependent on him with her floral shop. The shop is her life until her accident, is airflighted to a Reno Hospital. An ambulance chaser lawyer finds her in hospital, she’s tempted to sign but her associate at the shop, Gemma, squashes that. She’s bedridden for days, released from hospital, has Gemma to help her while Davidson out of town.

When he returns she has nothing nice to say. In fact she can’t stand him right now. He doesn’t want to get involved.

Weeks are spent between the shop, medical issues and legal meetings. She finds a local attorney in town, William Randell who she signs with until later he fails to show in court. Her case is thrown out of court. Justine turns into a real bitch again. Snappy and short tempered. Now she has to plead to Davidson for help, once again at his mercy. He offers his attorney, Donavon Pierce.

Gemma brings up how crooked Donavon is, heard he was part of a new mafia, the medical mafia (signs with him anyway) Gemma thinks Davidson is around waiting for his share of the money or make her sell the shop. Justine doesn’t believe either.

Tired of the pain, the pills, office visits, is advised by seven surgeons that she needs surgery except one, who she blows up at in his office, but soon after she succumbs. She calls a close friend, Jax, a renowned floral designer, for help with the shop but to no avail. Calls daughter, Gracie, who comes to Tahoe while she goes to…

Turning Point

California, where her mother, Sarah, lives and has the surgery, almost dies. As she heals, Donovan calls about the settlement offer, she refuses. Davidson intervenes, meets with Donovan, he has his ways with Justine. He’ll get her to agree. She returns to Tahoe, Gracie returns home.

Reunited, happy to see the shop doing well and Gemma, Gemma happens to bring “the medical mafia article” to the shop for Justine to see. It shows a photo of the two men involved. Justine is still in disbelief, thinks it’s all politics.

Conference – Justine meets with Davidson before the final settlement offer hearing. At the meeting it’s the “good-old-boys” (Judge Blankenship, Donovan and Davidson) who all went to school together.

She is pressured to take the final offer, by the Judge and Donovan. However, final payment could take months because she signed a LOP (Letter of Protection aka medical lien) with Donovan. They settle out of court, but something doesn’t feel right to Justine, but what?

Davidson and Justine attend a large party with A-list professionals, investors, doctors etc. When the Judge and Donovan arrive this causes a big problem with Justine. She soon learns that Davidson is an investor in companies she’s never heard about. Who is he really?

NOTE – HERE’S WHERE WE MEET THE BIG ROLLERS IN THE MAFIA

AT A PARTY; Davidson, Donovan, Lucas, Judge, Dr. Sherman (Jax & Marsha’s surgeon) Neil Watson (Insurance adjuster @ settlement & 2 other men), Edward Grant CEO of D.W.E. Services, Inc./ medical & legal services (Davidson is an investor) and other faces in the court case and places to come. Several people are attending but not known at this stage of Act 1.

That night Justine finds an enormous wad of cash, a check (stating referral fee) from Donovan to Davidson and confronts him. Referral for what? He won’t say. None of her fucking business. They have a row, (she doesn’t know him kind of fight) and decides to leave him, close the shop and move to Arizona where it’s warm and good for her body. And she does.

ACT 2

BACK TO SCENE

2020 The beginning of COVID in ARIZONA

Justine falls over the oxygen line of Sarah’s and breaks her hip. Justine fakes that she has no pain until it’s so bad she is unable to walk. She calls Gracie to come help with Sarah but she’s the one who needs help but would never admit it.

Gracie shows up, moves in, but brings her significant other, Nathan with her, without asking or letting anyone know. This is a big upset, for everyone, even for Sarah. Sarah confronts Gracie with a lecture, men, money, future and health.

Justine must have surgery, signs an AMA, (Against Medical Advise) and walks out of hospital day after surgery. Two days later Sarah dies. Justine is devastated and despondent. She receives insurance money that Sarah left for her. (Sarah no longer cares about money like she once did)

Jax comes to help Justine and Gracie. Jax demands Justine come back with him to San Diego and recoup. She packs and goes with him.

Turing Point 2

SAN DIEGO

Little by little Jax helps her come around; walks on beach, dinners. The two go out to Lips, a drag queen dinner show, where Jax, a real boozer, meets up with his lover, Lucas Pierce, a good looking lawyer.

She gets drunk. Lucas and Justine spar over the law, brings up her court case and the good-old-boys and mafia. Big difference of opinion, she doesn’t like him. Next day she returns home.

ARIZONA

NOTE: WORK ON THIS….Gracie has the house decorated with Christmas. It feels good to be home for the first time in a long time. Could things get to being normal?

Turning Point 2/Midpoint

NEVADA

Lucas calls Justine to notify that Jax was in an accident but not a bad one. They went to Las Vegas to party but he’s going to stay with his mother, Karlie, who has a good doctor and lawyer. He hits Ellis Kilpatrick, an FBI agent.

Jax needs Gracie to cover an important event for him.

NOTE: AT HOTEL, CONFERENCE WITH THE MEDICAL DEVICE MAKERS. We see a lot of the familiar faces of surgeons.

ARIZONA

Justine gets on the phone, preaches about doctors and lawyers in Nevada. She shares the story of a friend, Marsha, who lives in Vegas whose spine caved in after a surgery there. His name doesn’t come to mind. MONTAGE OR SERIES – Sharing the story of lifelong friend, Marsha.

NOTE: Surgery is with Dr. Sherman & Cohen. Marsha’s lawyer is Donald Wittman.

Justine has her monthly visit with her primary, Dr. T. She questions is knowledge of the medical mafia, is it real? Dr. T. evades the question. [ETHICS] She borrows a book (Danger Within Us) from him.

Gracie gets package from Lucas with all the arrangements for the San Diego event. Jax has her to sign a confidential document, (like the one they did in Hawaii at a very private affair). She pays no mind. Nathan is pissed. They argue, she’s about done with him.

Justine and Gracie go to airport. Gracie confides about Nathan with Justine. They go their separate ways.

ACT 3

NEVADA

Justine arrives in Nevada to see Jax. At the hospital, TWO men shake hands, (Lucas and Granger) another with his back turned (Dr. Taylor Sherman) as he talks with Dr. Cohen, and she walks by unnoticed. The men appear to be sales reps, impressively dressed, both with identical expensive briefcases.

Justine turns around, Lucas puts a large envelope in his case, she notices, they don’t see her. Door shuts and Lucas slithers away with briefcase.

As she enters room, Jax is drugged up good. Tries to ask question him, he’s out of it.

Dr. Sherman enters room with Dr. Cohen and Joseph Granger, both with documents in hand.

Sherman – “he’ll need surgery down the road”, introduces Dr. Cohen as he’ll be doing the surgery, but with no insurance that’s when Granger steps up with a LOP document. Justine interrupts, refers to Jax as her brother, takes documents and they’ll get back with them after discussing with mother. (Karlie)

Justine’s beyond pissed, “I told you do not have surgery, you are going to have to learn to live with pain, there are no recourses.” Jax drifts off until…

Nurse walks in hands Jax an envelope. Inside a get well note from Ellis Kilpatrick with his business card. (FBI investigator) Justine reads it, questions it and keeps it.

Act 3 Turning Point

ARIZONA

WEEKS LATER

Justine gets a call from Karlie. Jax has met with an attorney, Donald Wittman who has been persuaded Jax to have the surgery, refers him to see a Dr. Cohen, for a spine surgery that he doesn’t need. Justine is alarmed. How did Wittman get involved? Why? It puzzles her.

Justine calls Davidson, brings him up to date with Jax. “But why would a FBI Agent give his card?” She asks for his help since Donovan says he won’t. He’ll get back with her.

Later that night she gets out the mafia article and rereads it. Justine studies the photo of the TWO MEN (Wittman and Sherman) with Lucas in background. (We can’t make it out well but it is Dr. Sherman) Suddenly she gets worried and scared.

Gracie overhears the conversation, calls Davidson. They have a long conversation about Justine and helping Jax. Gracie explains the situation but Davidson already knows all about it. She asks him to visit mom but he can’t, he has an important meeting in the morning.

Justine starts looking on the computer for anything. She discovers a worldwide medical website, BECKER’S , that releases information on surgeons who are corrupt and have bilked millions of dollars in kickback schemes. She dumbfounded. This goes on for days as she prints out the articles for herself and to share with Davidson and Jax.

NEVADA

Davidson calls Donovan and sets up a meeting with Dr. Sherman and Lucas. Donovan knows something about Lucas and he can’t be trusted. He’s a heat-seeking homing missile. He’s getting greedy and he can do some real damage. They need to talk in private.

The four meet for lunch. Bits and pieces are shared about, Ellis, too many surgeries, money, prescriptions, and work load. Sherman is beyond capacity with surgeries. Grapevine has it there’s an investigation under hat.

Davidson and Donovan leave together, step away and talk in private. Their conversation is about getting immunity if they become a government witness.

NOTE: MARK JACOBSON, DEFENSE ATTORNEY, claims that should have been minor, like Jax, were becoming major. Treated usually treated with P.T. were undergoing drastic spine-fusion surgeries. Some insurers sent in their top lawyers. There is 80 billion in insurance fraud annually. They even held an unusual meeting more than a dozen D.A. attended. Grainger offers protection, no malpractice suits, even threatens associates. Expert witnesses don’t want involved with us. Grainger thinks he’s a fixer for us but he’s going cause some real problems. Patients all signed medical liens (LOP) RIGHT!

ARIZONA

Davidson comes to Arizona to see Justine. They go to dinner, Davidson gathers information (she gives him many of Becker’s articles and goes back to his hotel where she spends the night with him.

At the hotel Davidson takes out his DEA Investigator badge, puts on counter without thinking along with the Becker files. Justine looks for a file, finds badge and asks for explanations. He does his best but there is so much he cannot talk about.

Davidson asks her to come to Tahoe and stay, maybe even get some rest, saying how much has changed, including him. She becomes enraged, refuses his offer and walks out again. Same old shit. She should have known better.

ACT 4

NOTE- Davidson has been following the pill-mill since Justine’s accident. That’s why he let her go so easily.

ARIZONA

Justine is beside herself. Calls to check on Jax, but he’s not around. Phone rings, it’s Marsha’s brother, Mike. Marsha had another surgery, got a blood clot, they caught it in time but is now paralyzed from the waist down. She wants to end her life and Mike doesn’t know what to do.

She didn’t take your advice when you last spoke, remember, you were yelling! Ya, gotta come help her. Justine breaks down in tears.

NEVADA

Jax is calling, stops the conversation with Mike…gotta take this call, call you later.

Jax didn’t do the surgery. Mr. Kilpatrick shed the light on the investigation with Jax. Jax will be a star witness. He’s doing ok and going to p.t. like Justine told him. Lucas won’t talk to Jax and has shut the door on him. But, the p.t. is pretty fine!!!

ARIZONA

Justine and Gracie have a heart-to-heart. The confidentiality agreement from Jax was really his will, leaving his home to Justine and business to Gracie if he dies. Justine is giving Gracie money to rent a small store front for her business. Justine gets a certified letter. Davidson sends a copy of his indictment (he’s turned government witness in Jax’s case) along with a ticket to fly in to Tahoe.

NEVADA – TAHOE

Davidson picks her up at airport. He shows up in a pick-up truck, not a limo like he would normally have done. They drive up Mt. Rose highway to Tahoe but it’s not the same home. It’s totally different. It’s just a nice comfortable cabin.

Justine is totally confused and begins with all her questions. Davidson admits to her who he really is, just a man doing his job, had to play a role. He beings to explain everything and she stops him in his tracks. NOW WHAT??? Where do we go from here? How about Montana? I bought us 20 acres and we can build whatever kind of home you want.

Justine wants to save it for another day maybe another time. She calls Gemma and they meet for lunch and catch up on all the daily gossip. Justine grabs the newspaper and finds a small article where a Las Vegas Medical group and a dozens of surgeons and personal-injury lawyers were charged with fraud, conspiracy and witness tampering.

Gemma takes Justine to airport. She stops in Las Vegas where Mike picks her up. She goes to see Marsha. They reunite, tears fall, 50+ years of friendship isn’t going to stop Justine from seeing Marsha.

NEED ENDING SHOTS…SERIES OR MONTAGE. Come back to this.

THEN:

REAL SHOTS OF HEADLINES ONE BY ONE:

New York neurosurgeon indicted for unnecessary, invasive tests in kickback scheme

Texas spine surgeon sued by an insurer who alleged he performed medically unnecessary procedures to inflate personal injury claim. $1.1M in damages

Hospital, orthopedic surgeon share liability in $6.3M verdict

Chiropractor sentenced to 14 months in spine surgery kickback scheme

Olympic volleyball player permanently paralyzed from chest down with spinal surgery.

20 doctors under the government’s cross hairs.

NOTE: ATTACHED DOCUMENT FROM BECKERS’ January 2018 – August 2022 SENTENCING CONTINUES IN CALIFORNIA SPINE KICKBACK CASE: 6 developments in 4+ years. (15 year scheme $500 M in fraud bill & $40 million in kickback; Dr Capen $5M in kickbacks , Full pardon to Taustino Bernadett, MD sentenced to 15 months in prison in illegal kickback scheme )

Hundreds of patients harmed by surgeons, maybe thousands and thousands we haven’t discover yet.

Former Sanford Health neurosurgeon to pay $4.4.M to resolve kickback charges.Ndw trial required for Missouri neurosurgeon’s kickback case.

Medical Mafia makes $80 Billion Killing