Day 4 Assignments

[Robert Kerr]

Title: Robert Kerr Interest Techniques

What I learned from this lesson is that using interest techniques, I can heighten the dramatic impact and raise the entertainment value of a critical scene that initially I have written as a bland scene.

Logline: Rowing coach has bad news to share but receives the opposite

Essence: The rowing coach is frustrated with the lack of women but is encouraged when the donor surprises him with news of two new rowing shells being donated.

Interest techniques being used:

1. Suspense – not enough women coming out and the whole program is at risk if they can’t get women to participate.

2. Surprise – his boss tells him that they have secured two new shells for the program.

3. Put in a more interesting setting: The setting is in the parking lot outside of the boiat house.

INT. WSU BOATHOUSE PARKING LOT – EVENING

Vespoli is seated in his blue van scratching his head and writing down ideas to get more women to participate in the rowing program. Vespoli’s job depends on getting a women’s crew on the water competing. Tim Wiggins, the man who hired him, pulls up in his new car, parks it and walks over to Vespoli.

TIM

Figured I would find you here. I’m hoping you have good news for me about the crew.

VESPOLI

Well, the men are all set. Should have three full competitive boats. The women are an issue. Can’t keep a full eight on the water.

TIM

That’s not an option. Without the women, we don’t have a program and the deal with the university is null and void.

VESPOLI

I know. I didn’t come here to fail. I just need more time.

TIM

I can’t control the clock. But, I can tell we’ve had a breakthrough.

Some donors have stepped up and provide two brand new rowing shells. One eight and one four. All I need you to do is get cleaned up, put on that Olympic Blazer and World Champion smile and meet me at my house in an hour

Vespoli jumps out of his van and shakes Tim’s hand vigorously.

VESPOLI

That is the best news I’ve heard in a week. I’ll be there and

we can put on a show at the opening regatta !

TIM

That will be something to look forward to. Getting women

on the water has to be your top priority. Now

see you in an hour!

[Denice Lewis]

Denice’s Maximum Interest Part 1

What I learned that’s improving my writing. Getting to the essence made my dialogue more specific which helped with the interest techniques. I cut dialogue making the scene shorter and made the female character more extreme emotionally.

GHOST TROUBLE, a contained comedy

Logline: Ann wants Finn out of her house. She can’t see her father.

Essence: Finn finds out Mellieroa is dead.

Interest Techniques: suspense, major twist, surprise, mislead/reveal, superior position

INT. UPSTAIRS – DAY

Ann stomps into the room.

Everett pulls at his taped mouth with frenzy.

EVERETT

(mumbles)

Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him.

The rifle shakes in Ann’s hand. Anger shoots from her eyes.

ANN

I’ve had enough of your pranks. Get out of this house.

Finn moves toward her. Points a finger at the rifle. She doesn’t see a flicker of black light enter the barrel of the rifle.

FINN

You should be careful with that. Looks old. Are you sure it’s not defective?

ANN

Don’t. Move. Another. Step.

She cocks the rifle. The bullet and casing eject. Hit the floor. Her mouth drops. Her eyes drip daggers.

ANN

STOP CREATING ILLUSIONS.

Finn picks up the bullet. Puts it in her hand with a wink.

FINN

I’m always starving when I’m stressed. You must be very hungry.

He walks to the refrigerator. Throws a white light inside. Food appears on the shelves.

ANN

STOP MOVING.

Furious, Everett rips of the tape on his mouth.

EVERETT

SHOOT HIM.

Finn blasts a green light at Everett.

Everett smashes through the window. Falls out of sight. Floats back up on a cloud. He struggles to push through the bars.

FINN

Do you like chicken parmesan?

Ann cocks the gun. Three times. Bullets bounce off the floor. She screams.

FINN

How about Thai beef and cashews?

ANN

YOU’RE NUTS. GET OUT. I SWEAR I’LL SHOOT YOU.

FINN

I think the chicken will be more soothing.

He puts the dish in the microwave.

Ann grabs the bullets. Reloads the rifle.

EVERETT

Shoot him. He’s a cheat and a liar.

Finn points to Everett.

FINN

Don’t listen to that madman.

Ann stares at the barred window. Then Finn.

ANN

You’re the only madman I see.

Finn’s eyes narrow. He unfurls his wings. Ann doesn’t see them.

FINN

How interesting.

He bows.

FINN

I’m sorry. I’ve been rude in not introducing myself. Finn O’Donovan at your service.

ANN

Don’t need any service you provide.

Microwave dings. Finn removes food. Dishes it on two plates. Sits at the table.

FINN

Please join me.

She eyes the food. Straightens her back.

ANN

I don’t eat with strangers.

Everett crams his head between the window bars.

EVERETT

You tell him, Annie.

FINN

I’m a guest. Why would this food be here if I wasn’t?

ANN

You could have brought it.

FINN

Don’t hosts provide the food?

ANN

Not if they’re dead.

Grief and devastation shudder through Finn.

FINN

Mellieora is dead?

ANN

You knew her?

Finn glares at Everett.

Not nearly long enough.

Everett slams his arms through the window bars.

FINN

Stay where you are or you’ll be sorry.

Ann gazes at the empty window. Runs to the wall phone.

ANN

Last chance or I’m calling the police.

FINN

Not without answers.

She punches keys. Phone is dead. She tears it off the wall.

Finn stomps toward Everett.

FINN

What happened to Mellieora?

Ann lifts the butt of the rifle. Runs toward Finn.

EVERETT

Clobber him, Annie.

Finn pivots. Freezes Ann with blue light.

EVERETT

Blackguard. Release her.

FINN

I hope you have as much fun as you gave me.

Finn throws green light at Everett. It sucks Everett through the window bars. Throws him into the trunk. Lid slams shut.

Finn gazes at Ann. the trunk, the door. Collapses on the sofa, head in hands.

FINN

We had so little time, Mellieora.

[Edward Gillow]

Assignment No. 4

Title: Ed. Gillow Max Interest Part 1

What I’ve learned that is improving my writing is…. adding maximum interest and essence.

LOGLINE: Boone, Martha, and Moses battle for their lives.

ESSENCE: Moses learns that Boone and Price were originally out to not honor their agreement.

INTEREST TECHNIQUES: suspense, major twist, surprise, reveal, betrayal, superior position, and uncertainty.

INT. RANCH HOUSE – CONTINUOUS

Boone struggles through the trapdoor.

Moses runs over to him.

Continued gunfire from outside.

MOSES

You all right?

BOONE

I’ll live…

Boone surveys the room.

BOONE

Where are Price and the soldiers?

MOSES

They left before Jose arrived.

BOONE

Chicken sons of… They lied about paying off your ranch.

Moses ties a bandana around Boone’s leg.

MOSES

How long have you known?

BOONE

From the beginning.

Moses glares at Boone for a few moments, then ties the bandana REALLY tight.

Boone winces.

Martha watches Boone and Moses.

BOONE

I’m sorry.

MARTHA

I need some help here.

Moses moves over to join Martha.

MOSES

I forgive you, Boone. This is not your fight. They are after me.

BOONE

I beg to differ. They have Betty. It’s personal now.

Boone limps over to a window to join Moses and Martha.

[George Petersen]

George Petersen MAX INTEREST PART 1

What I learned from this assignment is weak scenes can be punched up.

SURFING GRANDPA

Scene Logline: Corky attempts to send his first surfing client home without a single lesson.

Scene essence/goal: to get the teenage Slash to commit to Corky as his surfing coach.

EXT. ZIHUATANEJO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT – PARKING LOT – DAY

Slash tosses his bags into the bed of Corky’s pickup.

Corky clamps Slash’s surfboard onto the mounts on the surfboard roof rack, which extends over the bed of the pickup.

Slash gets in, closes the passenger door.
Corky opens the driver’s door, but doesn’t get in. He gives Slash a look.

CORKY

There’s something I have to ask you first.

SLASH

What?

CORKY

Do you have any weapons of any kind?

SLASH

Huh?

CORKY

You heard me. Are you carrying any weapons? Anything in your bags? We’re not going anywhere until you answer this question.

SLASH
What kind of weapons?

CORKY
I don’t know. Guns… a machete, maybe?

Slash yanks the passenger door open and gets out of the pickup, walks to the front of the truck, stares at Corky in disbelief over the hood.

The doors of the pickup hang open.

SLASH
You are one sick dude.

CORKY
It’s not exactly like you came down here with a clean slate, you know. You broke Conan’s nose. How do I know you won’t break mine?

(FEAR OF BETRAYAL)

SLASH
That was an accident.

CORKY

An accident!

SLASH
I wasn’t trying to break his nose. I just wanted to punch him.

CORKY

Answer my question!

SLASH
I don’t need to tell you anything. I don’t owe you anything.
Corky slams his hand down on the hood in frustration.

CORKY
You want me to put you on the return flight to LA? Because I will, you know. If that’s what you really want.

Slash doesn’t say anything. They stand glaring at each other over the hood.

(UNCERTAINTY)

CORKY (cont’d)

Course, you’ll be missing out on the best left in the world. But what does that matter to a gremmie like you?

(SURPRISE)

Slash looks at Corky sideways with suspicion.

SLASH

You’re a goofy foot?

CORKY

Yeah… so what?

SLASH

I’m a goofy foot.

(MAJOR TWIST – CORKY DOESN’T EXPECT THEM TO HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE KNOWS – DEEPER LEVEL – THAT SLASH IS HIS GRANDSON)

This seems to hit Corky from left field. He didn’t see it coming.

SLASH (cont’d)
This left… this is really the best left in the world?

CORKY
It’s a goofy foot’s dream. Complete paradise.
Slash chews on that for a moment.

SLASH
You better not be making this up.

CORKY
Why would I make it up? I’m trying to send you home.

[Alfred Travis]

Alfred Travis Interest Techniques

“What I’ve Learned that is improving my writing is…?”

I learned how to think of my scenes in a more interesting way to capture the essence of the scene.

Screenplay: The Black and Blue Room

Logline: Bo, in the throes of depression and shame, seeks confirmation that he had a miracle experience with music in junior high school.

Essence of the Scene: Bo’s Junior high school Principal, MR. MARTIN, gives Bo his miracle music-notes, confirming Bo’s experience.

Scene:

EXT. FOLWELL CATHOLIC JR. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY

A large half a block building. It looks like a haunted, mystery school.

INT. FOLWELL CATHOLIC JR. HIGH SCHOOL – DAY

School is yet in session. MR. GEORGE MARTIN, a youthful 30s, head of curly black hair, the PRINCIPAL HEADMASTER, playful in a serious way. He, like the spirit of something Supernatural, is in the front hallway when Bo enters.

Mr. Martin tosses a prodigious bundle of note-cards to Bo, who makes the esoteric catch.

MR. MARTIN

I’m George Martin. The Music Producer of The Beatles.

BO

I remember. You taught me the Music of the Spheres.

Bo clutches the note-cards in hand.

Bo

I’m going to compose these note-cards.

MR. MARTIN

if you do that you’ll manifest the meaning of Pythagoras’s Universal music theory.

BO

It’ll be a miracle!

[Zev Ledman]

Zev Ledman

Lesson 4 – Max Interest Part 1

INT. SCHOOL HOUSE – DAY

JONAH, a mid-forties religiously dressed teacher, wearing a yamulka and fringes on the corner of his clothes stands in the front of a room filled with rows of long tables and benches facing him. Older religiously dressed Teenage Boys study the medium-sized scrolls set before them.

ELEAZER, a sprightly, eighteen-year-old with a sparse beard sits in the front listening intently.

JONAH

And, what if they demand obedience?

ELEAZER

Did not Daniel defy the King’s decree in our time of captivity?

Jonah gives Eleazer a light nod.

JONAH

Okay, tomorrow, we’ll study further the struggles our people overcame during the Babylonian captivity.

All the students leave as Jonah points to Eleazer.

JONAH (CONT’D)

Where’s Judah?

Eleazer shrugs and lightly shakes his head.

JONAH (CONT’D)

I expect him here tomorrow.

As Eleazer leaves, Jonah starts organizing things.

TIME DISSOLVE:

JUDAH, a cocky, religiously dressed twenty-year-old with a short beard, races through the door, out of breath, intently looking around as he turns the wooden block to lock the door.

JONAH (CONT’D)

What did you do this time, Judah?

JUDAH

I think someone saw me.

Pounding on the door. Jonah directs Judah to hide in a large wooden box in the back.

He quickly jumps in and covers himself with a prayer shawl as Jonah fills it with scrolls, closes it and puts more scrolls on top of the box.

Jonah rushes to the door and unlocks it as THEO, an athletic, thirtyish Lieutenant and SOLDIER 1 charge in, intently walk around the room.

THEO

Where is he?

JONAH

What are you talking about?

Judah peers through a crack on the side of the box and sees Theo racing to his box.

THEO

We saw him coming this way.

Judah crouches silently as Theo lifts the lid and shuffles the scrolls on top of the prayer shawl before closing it.

JONAH

What you’re talking about? All the students left some time ago.

Judah sees the Soldiers grab Jonah and take him away.

THEO

You’re coming with us.