Day 4 Assignments

[Ron Chepesiuk]

Ron’s Character Structure

Vision: I want the success and recognition of being an in demand, A-list screenwriter who writes successful films that are financially profitable, award winning and of enduring quality.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I have an exciting new way of structuring my screenplays.

Lucia, Protagonist

Beginning: We see her in her home environment, unhappy
eager to escape

Inciting Incident: She hits it off with Carlo, Mafia
godfather, via the Internet

Turning Point 1: accidently kill her abusive boyfriend
and leaves for U.S. with Carlo, the godfather

Act 2:
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:

After falllng for Stefano,
she agrees to his plan kill the godfather, her husband so he can take over
the crime family

Act 3:
Turning Point 3: Botches plan to kill husband after
second thoughts and goes on the run after she is blamed for trying to kill
him

Act 4 Climax: Showdown with Stefano
Resolution: Lucia becomes acting godmother of Mafia
after she nurses Carlo to recovery

Stefano, antagonist

Beginning: Stefano having sex with girl and ignores his
security detail responsibility for godfather

Inciting Incident: Wife of godfather is killed and Stefano
blamed

Turning Point 1: Makes Lucia his paramour and recruits
her for plan to kill godfather

Act 2:

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lucia reneges on murder
plot and he seeks to kill her

Act 3:

Turning Point 3 Stefano goes hunting for her but she is
in hiding:

.Act 4 Climax: confrontation with Lucia

Resolution: He is dead

Carlo, bridge character

Beginning:
Wife is killed. He is despondent
Inciting
Incident: He goes to meet Lucia in Italy
Turning
Point 1: He covers up Lucia’s killing of abusive boyfriend and takes her
to America with him

Act
2:

Turning
Point 2 / Midpoint: Attempted botched murder attempt of him by Lucia

Act
3:
Turning
Point 3: put into hiding by Lucia

Act
4 Climax: Survives another assassination attempt by Stefano

Resolution: Nursing back to health and more in love than ever with
Lucia, whom he makes acting godmother

Resolution:
Nursing back to health and more in love than ever with Lucia, whom he makes
acting godmother

[Lisa Paris Long]

Hi Ron,

Proper post would be Module 4 – Day 1, not Day 4.

Lisa

[Ron Chepesiuk]

Thanks!

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Lynn Vincentnathan’s New Outline Beats!

NOTE: I don’t know why some text appears in red. I didn’t do it.

VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.

I LEARNED the valuable lesson of going from start to finish and backwards over the beats, making sure to fill in plot potholes to create a logically and emotionally flowing script, tying later scenes to earlier references, hints, and intrigues. I still have more to do (note the blank beats). Also figuring the 40 beats suggested by Snyder’s Save the Cat!, I’ve tried to put in 10 slots for each act — some of them not yet filled, and some that may have to be cut or combined.

HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.

==================================================================

KEY:

P1J = Protagonist 1 Journey (Ellie)

P2J = Protagonist 2 Journey (Jim)

AJ = Antagonist Journey (Ely)

GENRE: ROM-COM

ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.

OPENING IMAGE: A poster for a trip to the Sea Turtle Rescue Center. Ellie’s putting it up.

Ellie P1J 1: Ellie wants to devote her life to saving the Earth and doesn’t want romantic involvement; she accepts to talk about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class, she implies difficulty in arranging a trip to an off-grid farm.

Deeper Layer: She suffers from father abandonment wound and figures marriage is a doomed enterprise; she fears talking to the class, because she thinks eco-actions are doomed to failure; and she doesn’t think her Great-uncle Ely will allow the visit to his farm.

Jim P2J 1: Jim seems to be a carefree college playboy, attracted to Ellie, though he expresses interest in the Turtle Trip, but is definitely into the Off-Grid Farm trip; he invites her to his Business and Environment class to tell about the Turtle Trip and Env Club.

Deeper Layer: Jim suffers from his father’s death and being beholden to his uncle’s financial support, obligated to work for him after college; while he appears a playboy, he really wants to establish his own solid marriage and family, and someone to help him “weather” his uncle. Ellie might be a good prospect.

Ellie P1J 2: Ellie presents about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class and receives anti-environmental and climate denial flack, including mention of the severe Texas freeze 5 years ago disproving global warming. They say the Env Club was disbanded; Ellie tells them no, that she and others kept it going.

Jim P2J 2: Jim defends Ellie.

Ellie P1J 3: After class Ellie is shaken, but finds Jim increasingly appealing. She doubts she can convince Ely to allow the off-grid farm trip after what happened the previous year.

Jim P2J 3: Jim consoles her, reveals he’s an MBA student with a BS in Engineering, interested in alt energy and the trip to her Uncle Ely’s off-grid farm.

Ely AJ 1: Ely Perez is all about developing alt energy to help save the Earth, and hates people because they are not into that enough. He reluctantly agrees to her club’s visit, but gets her to be more committed to helping him, letting her know he’s earning good money off of some of his inventions and can pay her.

Deeper Layer: Ely suffers his love Sarah leaving him for Fred, thinking it was because Fred looked more economically promising in his oil consultancy than he did pursuing (what Fred called) pie-in-the-sky alt energy pipedreams. He has become a bitter and lonely old man. Ellie is the only one who gets along with him. And he wants her with him as a daughter and to take over when he passes (not ideal, since she is a journalism major, not into alt energy engineering).

Ellie P1J & Turtle Center visitors: Shots of the Sea Turtle Rescue Center visit, then a presentation that includes mention of how global warming is endangering the turtles, including causing more turtles to be born female, males in sharp decline. A denialist (maybe from class presentation) brings up the past Texas freeze. The host talks about cold-stunned turtle & how they had to call on the community to help rescue them.

Deeper Layer: Denialist argues against global warming.

Jim P2J 4: During the beach clean up Jim spots Gecko collecting shells and organizing them. Jim figures Gecko (Ellie’s “other man”) is autistic (aspergers) and that’s why Ellie didn’t get involved with him; Gecko says that’s not the reason, that she’s not into marriage at all. Jim also finds out that Ellie is the niece of his church’s pastor, Rev. Rudy Perez, and he is even more into her now. Jim picks up a perfect blue scallop shell and pockets it.

Deeper Layer: Jim attends Rudy’s church.

INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.

Ellie P1J 5: After humorously agreeing to “be his shell” (but making it clear she’s not into relationships) Jim kisses her and she responds. She is even more into him when he asks her to pray with him, admitting she hasn’t prayed in a long time and doesn’t go to church anymore. They find out they are both non-denominational Christians.

Jim P2J 5: Jim humorously asks Ellie to be his “shell” and she humorously wonders why he needs her protection; he more seriously says he does. They kiss, and after he asks her to pray and they talk about religion.

Deeper Layer: Jim needs protection against his Uncle Fred. The shell Jim gives Ellie when he asks her to “be his shell” is not only a symbol of protection but also a symbol of commitment.

Ellie P1J 6: Ellie visits her Uncle Rudy’s (mother’s brother’s) Marriage Barn — a non-denominational church on Sundays, a marriage venue other times. She’s doing a story on it for the college paper. When Rudy asks why she hasn’t been to church since her mother died 3 years ago, she says they’re all hypocrites. Rudy says he’s change, become more environmentally friendly re God’s creation. He detects she’s in love, which she refuses, but he offers to do her wedding at cost when she’s ready. She says marriage is useless, doomed to failure. Rudy says that just because her father left when she was six, but that his own marriage is very successful, though it requires a lot of commitment, adjustments, and sacrifice.

Ellie P1J 7: Ellie avoids Jim on campus, then makes excuses why she has no time to date him, but does want him as club member and to visit Ely’s farm. She is finding Jim more and more attractive as she sees his sincerity re env projects and alt energy.

Jim P2J 6: Jim seeks her out, goes to the Env Club meeting, tries to get her to date him.

Deeper Layer: She has a sinking feeling she is doomed to get involved and abandoned as her mother was, no matter what Rudy or Jim tell her.

OR ELLIE P1J 7 IS MERGED WITH PIJ8 & JIM P2J6 WITH P2J7, if it’s getting too long.

TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):

Jim P2J 7: Jim becomes impatient and says he wants a more committed relationships and doesn’t want her dating others. He brings up the humorous rumor that global warming will make men extinct, so she’d better grab him now.

Ellie P1J 8: Ellie assures him there are no others, says she cannot fall in love with anyone, but finally agrees to a “situationship.” Ellie wonders where that rumor came from, says it’s ridiculous, that GW impacts women more negatively.

Jim P2J 8: While with friend Mack Jim receives a call from his Uncle Fred, who lambasts him for staying in college too long, taking nonsense courses like Bus & Env, and not coming to work for him in Houston in his Oil Engineering Consultancy. Mack asks if he’s reached summit on Mt Everest yet with Ellie (= sex conquest), irritating Jim.

Deeper Layer: Mack has assumed all along Jim is just after Ellie as a difficult sex challenge, and Jim doesn’t make it clear that he’s serious about Ellie.

Ellie P1J 9 & Jim P2J 9: Ellie and Jim talk about future plans, hedging about bringing the other into their plans, but not revealing those exact plans.

Deeper Layer: Jim is afraid Ellie will be turned off if she finds out about his obligation to Fred. Ellie is not telling Jim about her commitment to Ely, afraid that might turn him off.

ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.

Ellie P1J 10: Ellie takes the club and Jim to Ely’s farm with weird wind generators, solar configurations, etc.

Jim P2J 10: Jim is into the alt energy projects, has to cover up his relationship to Fred Higson.

Ely AJ 2: Ely tries polite, but explodes when he hears Jim’s last name “Higson.” Jim cools him down, claiming he’s not Fred’s son. Ely explains how Fred and he were engineering students decades ago and had issues. Ely is suspicious that Ellie is in love with Jim.

Deeper Layer: Ely is afraid Jim will take Ellie away from him.

Reveal: Ely hates Fred Higson, Jim’s uncle. This portends badly for Ellie and Jim’s relationship.

Jim P2J 11: While with Ellie Jim receives another call from Fred and has to skillfully/humorously evade letting Ellie know what’s being said (or Jim talks to his mother, who scolds him about his obligation to Fred). Jim lets Ellie know his mother is of Peruvian descent.

Ellie P1J 11: Ellie is curious/concerned about the conversation, but Jim reassures her it’s nothing.

Reveal: Jim is also half Latinx, like Ellie.

Deeper Layer: They are compatible in terms of both being half Latinx.

Ellie P1J 12: They talk about marriage, but Ellie wants more reassurance they are compatible, wants Jim to take some stupid online compatibility test.

Jim P2J 12: Jim reluctantly agrees, pointing out how compatible they are — same religion, into env issues, being half Latinx, etc.

Deeper Layer: This test will not get at their incompatible opposing future obligations.

Ellie P1J 13: Ellie mentions on the phone to Ely she might marry Jim, trying to convince him that would be a good thing, since Jim has the engineering and business background to really help with the project.

Ely AJ 3: Ely upset with the idea of Ellie marrying Jim, even though it might benefit his project. He says he was in love once to a fickle woman; it didn’t work out and he’s glad because he could devote his life to something important.

Deeper Layer: Ellie is still immature, not being asked or being willing to sacrifice, in that she is using Jim to fulfill her goals of working with Ely AND finding personal happiness, not really thinking about Jim’s life goals or needs. Ely is afraid he’ll lose Ellie if she marries, plus because of his own love wound he is against marriage — it’s doomed to failure.

Jim P2J 13: Jim passes Ellie’s compatibility test, then asks Ellie to go to church with him.

Ellie P1J14: Ellie refuses, but is pleased Jim is going to her Uncle Rudy’s church. Says she might consider going in the future, mentions The Marriage Barn, that if she were ever to marry, she’d want Uncle Rudy to officiate.

Reveal: Jim attends her Uncle Rudy’s church.

Deeper Layer: Now Jim is certain he wants to marry Ellie, and she is warming to the idea.

Jim P2J 14: Jim tells Fred he might get married & can Fred help with expenses, indicating that he needs someone the way his father and mother had a loving marriage. Fred disagrees (women are fickle, only cause problems), besides he’s against Jim rushing into it, unwilling to foot the bill.

Deeper Layer: Jim needs Ellie to help him “weather” working for Fred. He is still immature, wanting a loving relationship to help him, without much consideration for Ellie’s life goals. Fred has some emotional wound from a woman.

SOME OF THE FOLLOWING CAN BE COMBINED, CONDENSED, REARRANGED OR OMITTED if it’s getting too long

Ellie P1Jxx: Roommate Luz is moving out of their apt to marry Javi — June wedding. Luz tries to get Ellie to marry Jim; Luz says that college kids do it all the time & with GW making men extinct, need to grab one now. Ellie wonders how that rumor got started. Luz says that’s what they said about turtles. Ellie replies that making stuff up is not the way to get people on board mitigating GW, it turns people off instead.

Deeper Layer: Luz started it.

Ellie P1J xx: Overhears Mack talk to Jim about Jim wanting Ellie only as a sex conquests ?? Jim later assures her that’s not true.

Jim P2J xx: Sees Ellie talking to Gecko, arouses his suspicion, which Ellie has to later clear up. Maybe Gecko is talking about having a Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors next Halloween, like they did last year. Or talking about Gecko becoming a climate scientist, etc.

Ellie P1J xx: When Ellie talks to Ely (on phone or in person) about marrying Jim, he’s totally against it.

Jim P2J xx: When Jim talks to Rev. Rudy (in person) about marrying Ellie, he’s very pleased, assures him he will help out.

Ellie P1Jxx & Jim P2J xx: They come together strong, clear up misunderstanding (but do not reveal their opposing obligations) and decide to marry.

END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Ellie and Jim go to Uncle Rev. Rudy’s Marriage Barn to plan a wedding and explode over Rudy and Jim not wanting to invite Ely (he’d ruin it), and they call the wedding off.

Reveal: Ellie and Jim open up & find out about their opposing goals and obligations, which seem to make their marriage impossible.

Deeper Layer: Only problem is, they are now very much in love.

ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie feels justified in her prediction of marriage as doomed and thinks she can go back to square one — activism without romance. She’s with Luz or Gecko or both. If with Gecko, he’s confused since she told him she’s not into marriage at all. If with Luz, she breaks down and cries.

Deeper Layer: She is really in love with Jim.

Jim P2J xx: Jim is heart-broken that it didn’t work out. He’s unable to look around for another marriage prospect, despite others’ promptings.

Deeper Layer: Jim really loves Ellie, and she is the only one for him.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: During the Halloween Hall of Eco-Horrors (in silly costumes, something about men going extinct) Ellie and Jim get back together and decide to take it slowly this time — a possible wedding at the end of January (3 months later) with the understanding we can back out if it doesn’t work out — and plan for both to visit Jim’s mom & Uncle Fred in Houston for Xmas break. Mentor Rudy: Marriage involves adjustment and sacrifice. Rudy says last Sat in Jan fine, but after that he’s booked solid until mid-summer (thanks to Ellie’s article in the paper).

Deeper Layer: Ellie hates big cities (why she didn’t consider Gecko, since his plan was to work in NYC), and she hates Jim having to work for Fred.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: They go to Houston for Xmas where Jim tries to warm her up to Fred and make a go of it. Ellie has to be careful with Fred, not letting him know she’s an eco-activist. Ellie loves Jim’s mom.

Ellie P1J xx: She starts losing her zest for life, but thinks it’s a sign of maturity.

Jim P2J xx: Jim, concerned about Ellie’s mental state, takes her to the Butterfly Museum (delighted), then Galvaston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.

Deeper Layer: Ellie’s conflicted in denying her goals and needs to satisfy Jim’s obligation to Fred.

Deeper Layer: Jim knows this is tearing Ellie apart.

Jim P2J xx: Jim tries to convince Ellie and himself that she can pursue her goals and he can change Fred, get him into alt energy — which is the wave of the future (even of the present); it’s not only the eco-thing, but also the economic thing to do…. Or after several years he can find a way to pay Fred back and get out of the obligation.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie strives to be positive.

Deeper Layer: They both know Fred is impossible to change. Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Making wedding plans, they decide not to tell or invite Ely.

TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):

Jim P2J xx: Jim decides to back out of the relationship. Maybe Uncle Ely and/or Uncle Fred have contributed to this.

Deeper Layer: He doesn’t explain it’s because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitment.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie is heart-broken, but bears it.

Ellie P1J xx: Regaining strength, Ellie pursues Jim. Says she’ll find a way to pursue her eco-activism, do what is right.

Jim P2J xx: Jim acquiesces, but is worried about Ellie’s well-being.

Reveal: Jim admits it was because he loves her so much (willing to sacrifice). And Ellie insists she is willing to sacrifice for Jim.

Deeper Layer: Jim knows he won’t/can’t get out of his obligation to Fred due to loyalty/honor, if not money (which is also why Ellies loves him, his good character). He knows Ellie will not find her fulfillment with him working for Fred.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: They are back in college, which shuts down due to the freeze and power cut. Their wedding is off because the Marriage Barn lacks power and it’s booked until mid-summer. Ellie & Jim fear they may not last that long. Then Ellie bucks up and says they’ll have the wedding in Ely’s barn. Jim in a role reversal has lost hope and is in despair, saying Ely and Fred would blow up the whole thing, IF Ely even agrees, why not wait ‘til summer. Ellie: “I’ll make it work.” In a role reversal Ellie has become the strong, hopeful, and positive one in the relationship.

Deeper Layer: Ellie has now matured enough to get married and make it successful.

Ellie P1J xx: has a very tough time getting Ely to allow the wedding in his barn, since he was not invited and is against the marriage (she doesn’t mention Fred will be coming).

Ely AJ xx: He finally agrees but shows distaste for his nephew Rev. Rudy officiating. He limits the guest list to 25 people, including “my awful nephew Rudy, the brat.”

Ellie P1J xx & J P2J xx: Ellie has to convince Jim (he’s hopeless, in despair) and pouts she doesn’t want him to go extinct (to bring out his heart-melting smile). He reluctantly agrees to shifting the wedding, says you know this won’t work, but figures, yeh, it’ll at least be fun to see the fireworks.

Ellie P1J xx: Ellie and guests (10 env club members, some relatives, friends), arrive at the farm; they’ve brought bedding and things to help and get busy cleaning and decorating the barn. But 1st they rush to plug in their cell phones, vying with each other for slots.

Jim P2J xx: Jim, Ely and others, get busy setting up the energy system required to keep all warm and the lights on.

Ely P1J xx: Reveals his new project in the tack room, a hydrogen electrolyzer that converts water to hydrogen fuel, connected to a hydrogen generator (which emits water vapor). Jim and Gecko go gaga over it.

Ely P1J xx: When Fred arrives with Jim’s mother — complaining they had trouble finding a gas station that had power — he and Ely try to be polite, but when Jim tells Fred how great alt energy is, Fred snorts that the freeze certainly disproves global warming. Ely explains that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming, explaining how it enhances Rossby waves, bringing arctic weather down south while the arctic warms more. Fred doesn’t buy it. ?? Gecko continues to explain.

Jim P2J xx: Sides with Ely and Gecko; Fred feels ganged up on. Jim’s mother tries to cool them down.

Ely AJ xx: The two uncle can’t stay polite for long and there’s a big blow up between them.

REVEAL: It’s not just ideological differences between Ely and Fred, but Fred’s dastardly deed of stealing Sarah from Ely (by making her think Ely had fallen for another gal). Fred reveals that Sarah divorced him within 2 years, and married someone else, leaving Fred heart-broken.

Ellie P1J xx: Tries to convince Fred to get into alt energy.

Jim P2J xx: Jim defend’s Ely & joins Ellie in getting Fred to see benefits of alt energy.

Deeper Layer: Jim has now matured enough to take on Uncle Fred.

Ely AJ xx: Fred finally agrees about alt energy benefits (it’s hard not to when that’s what’s keeping them warm and with lights) and gets intrigued by Ely’s inventions, thinking they could make good money off them… This discussion goes on and on, as the battery power is being used up, threatening to derail the wedding, until Rudy, Jim, and Ellie intervene and draw the focus back on the wedding.

RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred. Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.

Ellie P1J xx & Jim P2J xx: Ellie and Jim make their vows in a sweet ceremony (sort of like the Xmas nativity scene). But before their grand kiss cell phones beep text messages among all present. The Sea Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, including Ellie, Jim, Ely and Fred.

FINAL SCENE: All are at the beach saving turtles. Ely provides heat at the Center to help warm them. Ellie and Jim take a short break for their wedding kiss.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan. Reason: Figures some "plants" to put in earlier scenes that play out and strengthen later scenes -- came after sleeping on it, as Hal suggests
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Lynn Vincentnathan.

[Lynn Vincentnathan]

Realized after hearing “Mastery Session 10: Basic Plotting” and starting Lesson 5 I did this wrong — should only be one sentence, 2 at most. Also some of these are based on scenes/settings I’ve imagined, but most are not, but when thinking up action (in this RomCom) I’m having to think up actual scenes & settings, which is a lot harder for those 2nd & 3rd act slump areas, but exactly what needs to be done. 🙂

[Lisa Paris Long]

removed

[Deleted User]

Karen Crider’s New Outline Beats/ Basic plotting 4/4

My vision is to be a stronger writer.

What I learned: Building an outline is based on building the prior outline by filling its holes, and the prior outline is based on filling its holes, until all the holes jell together into building story. I kept the same format and added, as well as, cut wherever I needed to. Thanks.

PJ- Protag’s journey

AJ- Antagonist’s journey

Genre: Adventure, Drama/Animation

EXT. JUNGLE – DAY

AJ. –MORTIMER, an afflicted one-eared, half blind, African wolf, (the criminal) is attacked by a mad dog. Mortimer kills the dog and refuses to eat its disease-riddled carcass, even though he has not eaten in three days.

EXT. DEN – DAY

PJ- A day later, Mortimer scours the brush hunting. He hears the mewling of young hyena cubs, and waits to see if any adults are present. He spies on IVY, the mother, as she leaves to hunt; then invades her den.

INT. DEN – DAY

PJ- The youngest hyena, SHADOW, (the underdog) is traumatized, when Mortimer invades, grappling his sister, Surus, (the victim.)

AJ- Outside the den, Shadow doesn’t know that SILLA, (the competitor), the clan’s matriarch, has intercepted Surus, (the victim) during the fray, as her own.

Ivy moves her cubs to the communal den, where Hilly likes to give her and her family a hard time, bullying them.

Inciting Incident – PJ-Shadow (underdog/victim-) is ousted out of the clan in retribution of him standing up to Silla’s offspring, HILLY, (saboteur) who beats up on Shadow’s mom, Ivy whenever she chooses.

PJ- Turning Point: Shadow re-constructs the den of his birth outside the communal dens. He survives as a dejected, grub eater. He determines to survive, to get even with Hilly, (the saboteur) and kill Mortimer.

AJ- Silly demands that Surus, (whose name has been changed,) keeps the lower- class hyena’s in subjection. Surus goes after Ivy. Ivy recognizes her scent and notices the star shaped spot on her shoulder. She tries to tell her she is her mom. Surus is insulted.

.ACT 2:

PJ- The clan howler announces the opening of the Olympic Hyena Howling contest where the winner wins the coveted acceptance into the largest clan, which ensures his or her survival.

PJ- Shadow gets beat up for practicing. He’s terrible. He attends the affair and loses. His brother, Brimsley, howls a Pavarotti Aria and wins. He shuns Shadow.

Shadow works on improving himself to be more like Brimsley. -Bathes, practices howling, polishes hunting skills, fails in another hunt and fails to be himself.

PJ-Shadow follows the clan as they go on a hunt. Silla leads the hunt with Hilly, but Shadow does a double take when he sees another dominant hyena who looks just like his mom. How can this be? She seems a stronger leader than Hilly. Who is she? (Surus)

AJ- Time passes, Hilly, Silla’s offspring, becomes jealous of Surus. Hilly spills the beans about her being a cub that Silla has stolen. Silly denies it.

Hilly tells Surus who she really is, which backs up what Ivy has told her. Surus is not of hierarchy status. Surus faces Hilly and she admits it’s true. she is not her mom.

PJ- Turning Point: Surus connects with Ivy and they track down/ connect with Brimsley. They look for Shadow, to make a plan about leaving their given clans.

ACT THREE:

PJ-Shadow follows the scent trail of his old clan to a Maasai village, where hyena’s serve as undertakers to the dead.

AJ- Mortimer shows up and goes on a killing spree. Shadow hides.

PJ-Shadow recognizes the face of his sister’s killer—the missing ear, the phlegm- colored eye, the scar. He flashes back to being a cub again. He freezes. Hides.

PJ- He follows his old clan back to their den, disappointed in his actions.

PJ- Shadow encounters a juvenile lion. They spar; their growls, more toxic than the damage, they do to each other.

PJ-–The lion cub runs Shadow off. Another failure. Shadow’s scared he has no chance of surviving Mortimer.

ACT FOUR:

PJ–Shadow trots upon a path, heavy with hyena scent, where ahead on the trail, Silla drags a zebra into the brush.

AJ–A feeding frenzy results in dinner ending in minutes. Silla and Hilly exit the corpse.

AJ-Silla leaves behind a free- for-all that takes place, as the remaining hyena’s battle for scraps.

PJ— (The underdog,) Shadow, takes a side trail up the hill and searches for his mom.

PJ-–He hears howling and recognizes her frenzied pleas for help.

AJ-–Mortimer, (the criminal) has Ivy by her hindquarters. No other hyenas have come to help.

PJ—Shadow forgets his fear and goes for the wolf’s throat. He hangs on.

PJ- –Shadow kills Mortimer. Surus, Brimsley and Ivy finally show up after the battle. The news spreads near and far about the great predator, Shadow.

PJ-Shadow is hurt, but ecstatic over finding his sister. Together, Shadow hobbles back to his den, as they relay their plan for their new clan.

PJ— A few days later, Shadow’s family wait for him in the perimeters, while Shadow taunts Silla. She backs off, and lets her guards do the fighting.

PJ- Shadow counter attacks and leaves them in the dust. He calls Silla a coward. No one contests him ever again.

AJ- From a distance, Silla mourns, as Surus joins her new clan. She knows she has lost Surus forever.

-Ivy, Brimsley, and Surus, leave with Shadow. They form a new clan.

RESOLUTION:

Surus, the new matriarch, takes the lead as they trot away from the only home they have ever known.

Deeper reveal: Not one family member looks back, not even Surus. Shadow finally has roots. He belongs, and no one ever doubts his courage or ability to survive ever again…

My genre is: Adventure, drama, animation.

CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA PURPOSE:

To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters.

CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression.

HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes comes from within the characters more than from external pressures.

EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters’ emotions and how they experience the events.

CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into. REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.

[Ron Chepesiuk]

Ron’s New Outline Beats!

VISION: I want the success and recognition of being an in demand, A-list screenwriter who writes successful films that are financially profitable, award winning and of enduring quality.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that, patiently following steps in the assignment, my script is coming together

2. Starting at the beginning of the outline, move through it to see if there are any obvious missing beats. If so, add them. If you think of any new additions as you look for missing beats, this is also a good time to add them.

A. Are there any logic jumps?
B. Is the focus on the lead character’s journey?
C. Does it feel like anything is missing?

3. When you get to the end of the outline, work backwards. With each beat, ask these questions:

A. What needed to be there for this beat to happen?
B. What could set this beat up better?

4. Go to major events (like Turning Points) and ask:

A. What has to be in place for this event to have
happened?
B. What change will this event cause in the rest of the
story?

PJ1- Lucia

AJ1- Godfather’s son

AJ2 Godfather

Beginning:

PJ1- Lucia is on the Internet dreaming of meeting a man and escaping her environment. Her mother berates her for wasting her time dreaming

AJ2—The godfather is at a party with wife celebrating his 25^th wedding anniversary.

AJ1- is in back room having sex with worker instead of minding his father’s protection

AJ2, the godfather, and wife ambushed by rival. His wife is killed. Godfather escapes, vows revenge on rival

AJ2 takes AJI off security management, angering AJ!, who vows revenge.

AJ2 kills the gangsters who kill his wife, setting up mob war.

PJ1 is beat up by abusive boyfriend, makes her more determined to leave.

AJ1- secretly meets with AJ1’s rival. They plan to overthrow AJ2

Inciting Incident: PJ1 and AJ2
meet on the internet. AJ2 comes over to Italy to see PJ1

PJI’S boy friend is jealous. Wants her to stay away from AJ2.

Turning Point 1: WHEN BOYFRIEND
IS AGRESSIVE WITH PJ1, SHE accidently kills him AJ2 helps her cover it up.

PJ1 and AJ2 leave for U.S

.

Act 2

:

PJ1 enters hostile mob
environment. They don’t want AJ2 to marry her but he does.

PJI BEFRIENDS AJ2’S MOTHER, WHO ACTS LIKE SHE SUFFRER FROM DEMENTIA

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint– PJ1 is attracted to AJ1, He seduces her. AJ1 COMPLAINS TO PJI ABOUT AJ2 AND HOW TREATING HIM BADLY. Coaxes her to ENTER INTO PLOT TO kill AJ2

MOTHER WARNS PJI ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED WITH AJ1, BUT SHE IGNORES HER ADVICE

Deeper layer: AJ 1 is using PJ1 to eliminate AJ2

Act 3

AJ1 wants to kill AJ2, tries to draw PJ 1 into his plot but PJ1 puts him off. AJ2 IS KIND TO HER

Deeper layer: PJ1 is warming to AJ2

Turning Point 3:-
AJ2 GETS stroke, AJ1 sees chance to kill him. PJ1 hides AJ2 from AJ1. AJ1
LEARNS WHERE PJI IS HIDING AJ2. AJQ GOES LOOKING FOR PJI

MOTHER WARNS PJI.

PJI MEETS WITH AJ2’S RIVAL, STRKES DEAL, UNDERCUTS AJ1

.

Act 4 Climax:TO SAVE AJ2, PJ1
traps AJ1 and kills him. AJ2 EXPRESSES HIS GRATITUDE

Resolution: While AJ2
recovers from stroke he designates PJ 1 the acting head. They are a partnership

——————————–

[George Petersen]

George Petersen NEW OUTLINE BEATS!

My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.

What I learned from this assignment is it’s a lot more fun working a beat sheet backwards than forward.

The Summer of Haight

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.

Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.

Longfellow PJ2: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.

Youngblood AJ1: Youngblood introduces himself to the story as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.

Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

TURNING POINT 1: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.

ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.

Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ5: Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.

Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ6: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.

Youngblood AJ2: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will.

PLACEHOLDER: it gets ugly between Longfellow and Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ7: IRONY: making one last gasp effort, Longfellow goes against Jonathan’s last wishes and disputes the will in a behind the doors arbitration, but is told, to his horror, that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will irrevocable and credible.

Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will.

Longfellow PJ8: Jonathan’s “disappearance” is finalized and confirmed > Longfellow takes the will to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man.

TURNING POINT 2: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.

Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow sinks into a deep depression.

Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.

ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with a Haight-Ashbury photographer to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ10: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.

TURNING POINT 3: but a thick blanket of fog rolls in at the worst time; the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer getting killed by Youngblood.

Longfellow PJ11: Longfellow sinks to the lower depths. All is lost.

ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed.

Longfellow PJ12: The detective shows up with new evidence, offers to help Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ13: Longfellow makes the case to the department: The stimulating environment will be too much for Youngblood to resist.

Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch the hippie red-handed at the Be-In.

Youngblood AJ4: sure enough, at the the Be-In, the desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.

Youngblood AJ5: Youngblood is caught in the act of killing by Longfellow.

Longfellow PJ14: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.

IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Metamorphosis: Longfellow is faced with the reality that in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.

[JOEL STERN]

Joel Stern’s New Outline Beats!

Module 4 Lesson 4

My Vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters (and to get a line in at least
one).

What I learned from this assignment: How to develop an outline using three different methods to check the flow of the plot.

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1: Jim “Ace” McCarthy (25) steps off the train, a WW II
Medal of Honor winner finally home at war’s end. He joins loving wife
Jane (23, his high school sweetheart) and 10-year-old son Jim, Jr.
It’s great to be a civilian again in his Las Vegas hometown!
Flashback: Jim, a lanky 17-year-old pitcher for the local sandlot
team. Bases loaded, score tied, bottom of the ninth. Jim serves up a
“meatball” that’s drilled over the fence for a game winning
homer. A teammate sarcastically calls out: “Way to go, ace!” (“Ace” nickname sticks). His
dad Bill is in the stands disgusted with Jim. Loser kid can’t do
anything right. A flashback shows Bill is an abusive husband and
father.

Jim PJ 1: Jim enjoys an occasional drink like his old man. Poker too. No biggie –
drinking and cards… understandable for a battle hardened WW II
hero. Looks for work but it isn’t easy, even for a war hero. Jeez –
he’s not even a high school grad. A few months pass. Jane nags about
money, but they can survive – for now. Her occasional coughs are a
dark cloud on the horizon. They see a specialist.

Jim PJ 2: Jim learns that his wife has a rare form of terminal
cancer. After doing odd jobs to make ends he gets a prestigious job
as TV Crime Reporter in Vegas. A new growing industry in the late
’40s. Covers murders. It doesn’t bother him… “seen plenty of
stiffs fighting in Europe”. Begins to have flashbacks about his
Medal of Honor incident in France. Flashback: Two of his platoon
buddies are badly wounded by the front door of a French church. Jim
makes a mad dash to save them dodging a hail of bullets. He
carefully opens the church door – his vision blurs – too much
booze… he sees someone hiding behind the altar; another three more
in the first pew. He throws a grenade into the church…BOOM! Jim
drags his two buddy’s to safety and administers life saving first
aid. Back to the present: Jim, can’t shake the war. He gambles
heavily at local casino racking up sizeable debt. Wears out his hero
status and a generous line of credit.

Sal AJ 1: Sal starts harassing Jim with collection phone calls.
Friendly at first, non threatening. Knock-knock jokes that oddly
detail events in Jim’s life only Jim would know. A flashback shows
eight-year-old Jim at the front door watching his dad pay off a loan
shark – after a punch in the face. It’s something young Jim will
never forget. Must be the same guy Sal guy.

Deeper Layer: Sal seems to know too much about Jim’s background
and mental state. He knows how to “press Jim’s buttons”. He knows
Jim’s mental profile because he really is Jim!

Sal AJ 2: Sal’s phone calls vacillate between a joke-telling
“Goomba” and hysterical psychopath.

Jim PJ3: Jane dies. Jim’s a widower with a young kid to raise.
Must maintain his composure – he’s been through hell fighting the
Germans for chrissakes! But how to make ends meet….

INCITING INCIDENT: Sal gives Jim an ultimatum: pay your debt or
the murder victims in your TV crime reports will be your loved ones.

ACT 2: Grieving Jim is faced with a mobster after him, huge
medical bills and a young child to raise alone. But his soldering
discipline pays off for the time being: he gets a second job – at a
gas station. Embarrassing for him – a local TV celebrity pumping
gas at night.

Jim PJ 4: Jim pays back some debt but it’s not enough. Sal’s
calls are more frequent. More drinking, more gambling.

Jim PJ5: He meets Carol, a local newspaper reporter. He wants her
help him find and expose Sal.

Deeper Layer: Carol is an undercover FBI agent investigating Jim’s
WW II heroics – is Jim really a war criminal instead?

Sal PJ 3: Dials back the threats a bit. Tells Jim he’s a WWII vet
also, has a wife and kid. Tells Jim knock-knock jokes. Maybe he’s not
a ruthless psychopath after all.

ACT 3: Jim’s TV crime reports turn up horrifying results.

Jim PJ6: He’s working on a story about a missing Las Vegas
tourist. Jim arrives at the crime scene where the dead “tourist”
is his father!

Sal PJ 4: Sal calls Jim: “Do you believe me now?”

Jim PJ 7: Carol, undercover, works with local police to find the
killer. Jim wants to quit but his boss won’t let him. Ratings are too
high – Jim’s a celebrity.

Jim PJ 8: Jim decides to stay on the job. He must find and kill
Sal.

Sal PJ 5: Sal’s phone calls to Jim are almost non-stop – at all
hours. Sal finally proposes to meet Jim face to face to “work
things out”.

Jim PJ 9: Jim goes to agreed meeting place but Sal doesn’t show.

ACT 4: Jim unravels.

Jim PJ 10: He’s sent to cover another crime. The victim is his
News Director boss. Carol arrests Jim. He has a nervous breakdown as
he’s led away.

At Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who she really is. She
recaps his war crime – killing a group of children in a church he
actually thought were German soldiers. But the evidence shows they
were indeed German soldiers – young kids – and that he saved a
village of innocent civilian from certain death. But now he faces the
murder of his father and his boss who he hallucinated as being German
officers. He also learns that “Sal” was all in his head. He
really was a mob boss but died 20 years before.

[ROBERT Ingalls]

Module 4, Lesson 4 – Basic Plotting

Subject: Rob Ingalls’ New Outline Beats!

MY VISION:

To be a Talented writer that delivers quality fast, with the film industry seeking me out.

WIL: Great way to ensure the plot flow is right.

====================================

Simon La’Rouche – Protagonist Journey (PJ)

Harris Blackwood – Antagonist Journey (AJ)

BEGINNING / OPENING ACT (Strange, interesting significant heist job with numerous players and numerous hit jobs)

Thieves steal various items: Jewelry, cars, gold bars, cryptocurrency, airplanes, etc. We learn they are doing final exam Senior Project in various fields for GRAND HEIST ACADEMY prior to graduation.

Harris – AJ 1, Instructor at Grand Heist Academy, walks daily past glass trophy case with Top Academy Thief trophy with Simon’s name on it. There’s pain because he feels he should have won.

Simon PJ 1, arrives at Academy. He’s the guest speaker at class graduation. He’s also the Academy’s top graduate and thief. He is the only one to win the SPEC CHALLENGE (aka Kobayashi Maru (aka Star Trek’s Captain Kirk challenge)

Simon – PJ 2, arrogantly teases Harris, rubs it in that he won, and Harris came in second. But Simon holds a deep secret.

** Students finish their Senior Project, no failures. All are ready for Graduation. They are seated in auditorium, ready to listen to pep talk from Simon.

Simon – PJ 3, gives pep talk commencement speech at graduation. He also tells them it’s time for him to retire.

INCITING INCIDENT: (Students challenge Simon to one last heist, to show off his skills.)

The class president, with student backing, challenges Simon to one last heist: Steal his weight in gold from city museum without getting caught and without the museum knowing, even after it has been stolen.

Simon – PJ 4, hesitates, makes excuses as to why he shouldn’t do the challenge.

Harris- AJ 2, likes the challenge and pushes Simon to accept challenge.

TURNING POINT-1

Harris – AJ 3, double dog dares Simon to accept the student’s challenge.

Simon – PJ 5, accepts challenge. He has no choice.

ACT-2 (Simon tries basic textbook approaches, nothing unique)

** Simon – PJ 6a, uses school database to locate various experts in heist job. This is a cool device to match skills with crime heist.

Simon – PJ 6, tries textbook approaches to steal the gold but fails. Simon appears to be a fish-out-of-water with heist challenge. He makes feeble attempts and flails/fails. Simon struggles to do simple heist and fails and we wonder why.

** Students watch via cameras and other tech gear. Like watching a chess match. Lots of comments from the peanut gallery.

Harris – AJ 4, is determined to block Simon from achieving challenge and to prove to school that he’s better at this than Simon, and that he (Harris) should have won trophy.

Simon – PJ 7, Old ways don’t work. He tries jewelry heist but too many motion detectors and floor pressure plates. Large gold statue housed with less security: nobody can steal it. He tries to have a crane remove statue but too large, even with David Blain magician help (hide an elephant).

For every approach by Simon, Harris uses a counterapproach behind the scenes to deter Simon. Each time it makes Simon stronger, but in beginning we wonder why Simon sucks at heist jobs.

The entire 1st half of movie is Simon struggling to be a thief. Everything has been a lie. Apparently, he is good at deceit, but we still like him. He’s really just an average thief.

TURNING POINT-2 / MIDPOINT

Harris – AJ5, turns up the heat to defeat Simon.

Audience realizes Simon isn’t what they think he is. More of a fraud. He sucks at heist jobs. He’s scared, insecure, fish out of water. At school, he should have failed his final exam project.

Simon – PJ 8, determines to change and become what everyone expects of him.

ACT-3

Simon – PJ 9, rethinks and creates new plan. He has insights into why old ways don’t work and that HE must change. New plan: Tunnel underneath and hollow out large gold statue, keeping the frame intact and no one suspects inner gold stolen.

Simon – PJ 10, begins tunnel. Goes back to academy database for tunnel experts.

Harris – AJ 6, sweats, thinks that Simon may have solved challenge.

** Harris – AJ 6a, creates numerous hazards in tunnel, even trying to collapse it.

** Simon PJ 10a, almost dies when tunnel collapses.

TURNING POINT-3

Harris – AJ 7, contacts local police and FBI. Gets Simon arrested for tunneling and human trafficking/drug mule, BUT NOT Gold heist. So, Simon is still in the running to win challenge.

** Simon is released from jail. Says he stumbled upon the tunnel. He didn’t build it. He has credentials that he’s a catering food vendor (his made-up job)

Harris – AJ 8, hears for first time Simon stating that he shouldn’t have been top thief, that he (Simon) cheated on final project like the Star Trek Kobayashi Maru. But still Harris does not get recognition from school like he wants.

ACT-4 CLIMAX

Simon – PJ 11, completes the assignment challenge with flying colors. Simon solves the challenge despite the basic problems and the traps that Harris put forth.

RESOLUTION (Both Simon and Harris get what they wanted/desired/needed – Feel Good ending)

Simon – PJ 12, is STILL Top Thief but acknowledges that Harris should be considered top thief of previous graduating class.

Harris – AJ 9, gets his trophy in the glass
case. Harris is given the Top Thief trophy (and Simon ‘s name removed) that he
displays in academy’s main hallway. Harris has recognition that he

[Monica Arisman]

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that this is a new way, for me, to outline. And it was a bit difficult until I got my head around thinking this way.

Title: TIME GUARDIANS

Genre: Action/Drama

Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.

1. Conall’s house is on fire. He is prevented from getting to the house to save his family.

2. Conall meets Harry at the graveyard where they both are visiting their respective families’ graves.

3. Conall and Harry go to the bar where Harry shows him a picture of the ancient artefact. Harry invites Conall to a meeting.

4. Meeting to discuss a mission where Conall meets with Harry and Jay-the-Alien. Also, present is four other men.

5. Conall accepts the mission to steal the artefact from the museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay.

6. NTD: All parties to the mission know that the artefact changes the timeline, but they don’t know that the other members know. How is this shown?

Inciting Incident: On the way to steal the ancient artefact, Jay diverts them to another place where he has already stolen it and built it. (This has to be stronger – send the story in another direction.)

7. Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact.

8. The other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails, he’s out. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.

9. The artefact is more powerful than anyone imagined but it keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.

10. Jay goes along with Conall to steal the artefact. He tells Conall it’s not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up.

11. Jay is already manipulating the mission. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission — must keep the artefact out of the hands of the Elite (theme: good vs evil).

Turning Point: The artefact routinely gives the answer that the timeline ends in 2030.

Act 2:

1. Conall meets Harry to tell him he has built the artefact.

2. Conall blindfolds Harry and takes him to his hideout.

3. Conall and Jay hide out in an abandoned military bunker.

4. Shows Harry the answer the artefact gives.

5. Harry tries but the artefact gives the same answer.

6. Conall returns Harry to their meeting place.

7. Harry gathers his group.

8. The Elite are furious with Harry for letting Conall steal the artefact.

9. Harry needs the artefact to change the timeline and bring his wife back and get rid of the Elites.

10. Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.

11. Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact.

Midpoint Turning Point: The Elites storm the bunker, but Conall is gone. Jay remains but the artefact displays the Elites future.

Act 3:

1. Conall sneaks into the house of his former partner. He convinces her to join their fight. She recruits a few others, and they plan a major assault.

2. Conall’s former partner is someone he trusts and almost married.

3. Harry sets up the artefact, but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030. He’s desperate for this to work.

4. Jay’s now “helping” Harry with the programming. Because Jay has to prevent the catastrophe to save the future. What’s this catastrophe? What happens in 2030 that sends civilization down the drain? How do we show this?

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: They’re captured and taken to the artefact because it’s now giving information that the Elite think the hero programmed it to do. They have 2 days to re-program it and give them the answer they want, or they’ll be executed.

Act 4:

Climax:

1. Conall works on re-programming the artefact but the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts.

2. A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real?

3. Harry thinks he’s won.

4. The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. Now he can order the execution of Conall and company.

5. Jay pushes a button on the second artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins.

6. Jay must end these timelines to move forward.

Resolution:

7. Conall and his team kill the Elite.

8. Conall is Jay from the future (how to show this? Dreams, visions?)

9. Harry and the Elites are dead.

10. Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Instructs Conall and his partner and team to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world.

11. The catastrophe has been averted.

[Andrew Boyd]

Andrew Boyd’s New Outline Beats

My Vision:

For Hitler’s Choirboys to be such a compelling screenplay that Steven Spielberg and Mel Gibson will battle it out to produce their best WW2 blockbuster since Hacksaw Ridge or Schindler’s List. That this screenplay will confront racism as everybody’s issue and show that it’s never too late to receive mercy.

What I learned from this assignment:

Working logically from front to back and back to front ensures all the pieces are in place. At its heart, the process is simple project management.

Genre: Drama / True Story

ACT 1: Challenge to go to Nuremberg to keep the leading Nazis alive until they hang for their crimes – and to break the Nazi legend.

Fuller PJ 1: Fuller is telling his story years later: the odd couple: the hustler and the chaplain working together in a military hospital in Munich as the war comes to an end. For Fuller, it’s play the organ in chapel, or go to jail.

Henry PJ 1: Henry and Fuller working together in post-war Munich. The soldiers love it when Fuller hits the keys of that piano and Henry plays his beloved trombone hot.

Henry PJ 2: The war may be ending, but those ambulances keep coming. It’s exhausting. His catchphrase is ‘And this too shall pass.’

Henry PJ 3: Henry gets news his boys have been seriously wounded in the war.

Henry PJ 4: Flashback to home, Henry encourages his boys to sign up. Alma says she’ll never forgive him if anything happens to them.

Fuller PJ 2: Fuller is told the Nazis murdered his big brother Joel when he tried to surrender.

Fuller PJ 3: Flashback to his home. Joel saw off their alcoholic father and brought Sam up on his own, hustling to survive. Joel signs up to fight, with Sam following in his footsteps.

Henry PJ 5: Henry and Fuller are sent to Dachau to witness the aftermath of the Nazi atrocities and prepare him for the assignment to come.

Fuller PJ 4: Fuller sets out to kill a Nazi POW in Dachau to avenge the murder of his brother when he tried to surrender. Henry prevents him, which sours their relationship.

Deeper Layers: Henry encouraged his boys to sign up. His wife said she would never forgive them if anything happened. Now he must deal with his guilt and get back home to save his marriage. But he needs to be in Nuremberg.

News of his brother’s murder fuels Fuller’s desire for revenge.

Joel brought Fuller up in place of his alcoholic father. The experience of his father has given Fuller a deep distrust of father figures.

For Henry, Dachau stirs up an anger that has this kindly man contemplating murder. It scares him. It also breaks his resistance to the death penalty.

INCITING INCIDENT: Henry and his assistant Fuller are assigned to Nuremberg for chaplain duties to the leading Nazis.

Henry PJ 6: Henry doesn’t want to help the Nazis. He’s seen too many good boys killed for that. His marriage is under strain, and he is overdue to be sent home home. If he chooses to stay, his marriage could well be on the line.

Fuller PJ 5: Fuller loathes the Nazis, doesn’t want to help them, and would lose his cushy hustle in Munich. Last thing he wants is to go to Nuremberg. But what choice does he have? – it’s Nuremberg or jail.

TURNING POINT 1: Henry is torn between his duties to God, the military and his marriage. He takes the hard route and chooses to go to Nuremberg. And Fuller, who doesn’t have a choice, has to go with him.

ACT 2: Into Nuremberg, a fish out of water, outgunned and manipulated by the leading Nazis.

Henry PJ 7: Into the ruins. A devastated city. Henry revealed as kindly and seemingly naïve. Fuller as bitter. Their genuine friendship under strain.

Fuller PJ 6: Fuller shows hatred to the ex-SS soldier who watches them in the ruins – and to his children.

Henry PJ 8: The Colonel tells Henry he must prevent the Nazis committing suicide and make them take responsibility for their war crimes.

Henry PJ 9: Henry is introduced to his behind-the-scenes team in Nuremberg, a Catholic chaplain concealing a war wound, and a Jewish psychologist with an understandable axe to grind.

Goering AJ 1: Pleads not guilty in court, treats the Tribunal with contempt, and dominates other defendants to keep the Nazi legend alive.

Fuller PJ 7: Sam the hustler finds an organ and arranges for two cells to be knocked into a chapel.

Fuller PJ 8: Fuller, who’s black, walks out on his boss after SS prisoners hurl racial insults at him while playing the organ. To avoid jail and hold on to his hustle, he opts to guard the leading Nazis – where he can torment them.

Henry PJ 10: The kindly chaplain is treated with indifference and contempt by the Nazis, while their leader Hermann Goering tries to manipulate Henry to gain influence. Gilbert warns him the US guards think Henry is too pally with the Nazis.

Goering AJ 2: Goering has recovered from drug addiction thanks to the prison regime, but is back at his scheming best, at the peak of his powers.

Henry PJ 11: Tensions with Gilbert grow as Henry pursues mercy while Gilbert seeks vengeance.

Deeper Layers: Henry and Fuller have good cause to hate Hitler’s henchmen. To a man they plead not guilty and treat the court with contempt.

Fuller’s friendship with Henry is strained to breaking point – exacerbated by his suspicion towards father figures.

Abandoned by his parents as a child, betrayed by his government during the First War, Goering is driven by his need to keep his and the Nazi legend alive.

Goering AJ 3: Plays Henry and the others to win his sympathy and to try to get the Allies to join forces with Germany against Russia.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: O’Connor reveals to Henry that his humiliation in the WWI recruitment line is holding him back; court artist Laura Knight shows Henry he must break through the Nazis’ denial and make them see; Gilbert shows Henry he must marshal the evidence to confront the Nazis, and Fuller shows him he must get tough.

Henry learns that the only way to break through to these Nazi defendants is to get tough with them: ‘To stand up to bullies.’

Henry PJ 12: Sixtus shows Henry that what’s holding him back is fear of inflicting humiliation on others – due to his father humiliating him in the recruitment line. We see this in flashback.

Fuller PJ 9: Fuller returns to the ordinary world of the hustle in his off-duty hours, pounding the keys and cracking jokes in a GI nightclub, and getting it together with his white girlfriend, Evelyn.

Fuller PJ 10: Antagonism grows from his racist sergeant Brannigan, who beats him up, is assigned to new duties.

Henry PJ 13: Henry gets to know the court artist, who opens his eyes to what he must do. But how?

Deeper Layer Reveal: The catholic chaplain recognises Henry is pulling his punches. Henry was badly humiliated by his German father during World War One. Pa hauled him away from the recruitment line where he was signing up to fight for Uncle Sam against the Kaiser. Henry must overcome his own aversion to humiliation if he is to get tough and confront others.

ACT 3: Henry gets his mojo – learns tough love and confronts the Nazis with evidence of their guilt to shatter their denial.

Henry PJ 14: Jewish witness Shia Morontz gives Henry the lead he needs to break through the Nazi denial.

Henry PJ 15: Gilbert falls out with Henry, accusing him of being naive and self-righteous.

Henry PJ 16: Henry learns to confront without humiliation. He challenges defendant after defendant with hard evidence, forcing them out of denial and towards responsibility.

Goering AJ 4: What the Nazis have done is plain to see. Goering’s domination is broken by the weight of visual evidence and testimony. And by being cut off from the other defendants.

Fuller PJ 11 Fuller teases and torments the Nazis behind bars.

Henry PJ 17: Henry goes down with pneumonia due to the cold and overwork. His sons, both recovering from their war wounds come to see him and encourage him in his work.

Henry PJ 18: Henry wins Gilbert round, so they can stop trading atrocities.

Fuller PJ 12: Fuller’s wisecracks at the Stork Club stoke up his racist sergeant, who tries to attack him with a broken bottle.

Henry PJ 19: The Colonel plans to send Henry home. But the Nazis write to Alma begging for him to stay. She relents and persuades the Colonel to keep him on in Nuremberg. But to stay on, Henry must compromise and spy on the Nazis.

Deeper Layer: Henry’s sons exonerate him from his sense of guilt of encouraging them to go to war.

His wife now values the work he is doing and lets him stay.

Goering AJ 5: Makes contact with the Nazi resistance to try to stage a breakout.

Henry PJ 20: Henry and the Catholic chaplain arrange family visits to try to get through to the Nazis.

Turning Point 3 Henry’s confrontation with Goering fails, as does his efforts to reach him via his daughter. Goering’s arrogance is undiminished and Henry is forced to deny him communion.

Fuller PJ 13: All is lost moment for Fuller, who takes bets on how many Nazis will hang. His racist sergeant stakes his motherlode on 11. Looks like he’s called it right. But how will Fuller pay?

ACT 4: Confrontation with Goering, execution of the Nazis, Resolution.

Henry PJ 21: Henry’s last-ditch go-for-broke confrontation with Goering fails. He loses his temper and fears he may have blown it.

Goering AJ 6: Final refusal to recognise the truth about himself and accept responsibility.

Henry PJ 22: But Henry’s other efforts pay off. He finally gets through to some of the Nazis, who denounce Hitler and take responsibility.

Goering AJ 7: Goering commits suicide.

Climax: Henry and the doctor are unable to save Goering, but with the minds concentrated by their imminent execution some Nazis finally accept responsibility and make their peace. Ten Nazis go to the gallows.

Henry PJ 23: Henry accompanies them to the scaffold – almost triggering a heart attack.

Fuller PJ 14: Only ten Nazis hang, so the Sergeant loses his bet – which means he is coming for Fuller.

Fuller PJ 15: Fuller is confronted by his racist sergeant in an alley in Nuremberg. Brannigan has had Fuller’s white girlfriend beaten and plans to cut Fuller with a knife. Fuller overcomes Sgnt Brannigan and almost kills him. The memory of Henry putting his life on the line at Dachau holds Fuller back from committing murder. He goes on the run.

Goering AJ 8: The atrocities revealed at the trial have demoralised the Nazi resistance who melt away. Goering’s body is cremated and his effigy burnt in Nuremberg – the Nazi legend is broken.

Resolution: Henry goes home to be reunited with wife and family. Resumes prison ministry. Fuller court-martialled and jailed. Henry pulls strings to make Fuller his assistant in Menard. Fuller and Henry reconciled. Fuller learns to show mercy. Makes peace with himself. Henry dies. Fuller released to attend his memorial. Completes his story with a where-are-they-now roundup.

Fuller PJ 16: Fuller is transferred to Menard as Henry’s assistant, back at the piano. He learns to give and receive mercy, and is reconciled to Henry and himself.

Henry PJ 24: Restored to his family, resumes his ministry, hugely popular, thanks to his compassion, humour and hot trombone. Reconciled to Fuller.

Fuller PJ 17: To get revenge on the Nazis he tells the hangman they murdered his buddy at Malmedy. So the hangman botches the killings.

Henry PJ 25: Dies in Resolution scene – heart attack. Honoured in Menard by prisoners, including Sam Fuller.

Fuller PJ 18: Fuller completes his account to the parole board. They buy his story, would have done the same to his sergeant. They release him from jail.

Fuller PJ 19: Attends Henry’s memorial, where he plays the organ – hot.

Fuller PJ 20: Wrap-up scene with reporter years later, explaining where are they now.

Many thanks!

[Joyce Davidson]

Joyce’s New Outline Beats

Vision: to create memorable scripts that actors want to perform.

WIL: It is easier to make changes now before starting the script.

Genre: Action / Drama

ACT 1:

PJ 1: Colin has one shot at a graduate degree, then he must find a job.

PJ. 2. His professor announces his forthcoming publication and hints that his manuscript will anger the current Shakespearean legacy advocates with the real truth about the accepted beliefs of authorship.

Deeper Layer: Colin is against the argument the professor wants published.

AJ. Delaney shows how she feels about promoting professor’s research.

PJ.3. After a hot discussion, the class is over.

PJ.4. Professor calls Colin into his office and although Colin opposes the publication, he offers him an associate position, realizing that will assure Colin of a PHD.

AJ. 5. Delaney overhears them and follows the professor to the library rare book section to confront him about his decision to give Colin an associate position.

PJ. 6.Sexy Laurel meets Colin in the library 800’s and flirts with him.

Reveal: Laurel has acted as if Colin is her lover, a ploy which embarrasses him and flatters him, too.

PJ. 7. Laurel kisses Colin and a book falls on them from a high shelf.

PJ. 8. Laurel blames him and leaves with another student from class, who will help her pass the finals.

AJ. 9. Delaney finds professor and his manuscript, and when he refuses to change his decision, she stays in the next section away from professor, the only two on rare books floor.

TP. 10,The air control that preserves the rare volumes hisses and makes the professor unconscious.

PJ. 11. Colin goes to find the professor and discovers him and an incoherent Delaney. PJ. Colin drags her out from there and calls for help.

INCITING INCIDENT: The police suspect him.

AJ.12. Delaney witnesses that the manuscript is missing and that the professor is seriously affected by the air.

Deeper Level: 13. Police treat the affair as an accident with a faulty air control.

PJ. 14. At a class meeting the majority decides to investigate but none of them wants to give up final theses to play detective, so they draw straws and Colin loses.

TP. The investigation will end his graduate studies.

AJ 15. Delaney fakes the next shorter straw to go with Colin after the manuscript, a real sacrifice since she dislikes him.

Deeper Layer: She desperately wants the manuscript even though it will cause an uproar among Shakespeare’s followers, the tourism, and his legacy.

PJ 16. Colin visits the ailing professor to eke out information.

AJ. 17. Delaney show up and helps set up a way that they can understand what the professor can’t write or speak.

TURNING POINT 1: Professor’s clues to his attacker and his manuscript can be found in an unpublished play “Cardenio”, which treasure seekers search for in Europe.

ACT 2:

Inciting incident. 18. Colin and Delaney are stopped at the airport and lose their passports.

AJ: 19. Delaney pulls strings, and they sail to Italy on a commercial ship.

Reveal: She has clout and money, but from where?

Deeper Level: They will not be able to return through immigration posts.

PJ 20. In Europe Colin must sharpen his wits for they are being followed.

Turning point 2:

AJ 21. Delaney sabotages their secrecy.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL:

AJ. 22. Delaney isn’t a struggling graduate student, but from an aristocratic background.

PJ. 23. Colin finds a family who have information passed down about “Cardenio” and three other plays never printed in a folio.

AJ. 24. : Delaney loses some of her anger against Colin and promises to help find the manuscript, but after that she wants an equal playing field.

AJ. 25. Delaney meets Bragg, the attacker.

<strong style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>DEEPER LEVEL REAVEAL:

AJ: Bragg is a more dangerous antagonist than she is.

AJ.26. Delaney offers to get him the manuscript to save Colin.

Turning Point 3:

PJ: 27. Colin rescues the manuscript sent to professor’s contact in Europe.

Inciting incident:

AJ. 28. Delaney steals ms. and tells Colin what the professor has discovered.

<strong style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>DEEPER LEVEL REVEAL: Colin admits he cares more about Delaney than the Shakespeare legacy.

<strong style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>AJ. 29. She lets down her guard and says she cares for him.

Act 3:

Turning point.

<strong class=””>The professor ‘s ms suggests that five authors contributed to the real Shakespeare plays.

<strong class=””>Deeper Reveal

AJ. 30: Delaney has ancestors who have been considered the real authors of Shakespeare’s works, but she may die for it.

AJ. 31. Delaney does not give up the manuscript to the attacker, so he kidnaps her.

PJ. 32. In the lowlands of the Alps, Colin tracks Delaney.

<strong style=”background-color: transparent; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>AJ.33. Delaney tricks the attacker and leaves clues for Colin to reach her.

Turning point 4:

PJ. 34: Colin finds her and struggles with the attacker. to wrest the manuscript from him.

AJ.35: Delaney tears open the manuscript and throws it into the wind over a valley.

AJ.36 .Bragg attempts to recover some of it and dies.

Act 4:

PJ. 37: Colin sneaks back into the country with Delaney’s help.

Resolution

P.J. 38: Colin fails in his journey, but he moves near the professor and begins to reconstruct the manuscript.

Climax

AJ. 39: Delaney hires a person to care and to edit for professor so that she and Colin can return to Europe to find proof of the other three late Shakespearean plays once performed but never published.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Joyce Davidson.

[Amy Falkofske]

Amy’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.

What I learned from doing this assignment is I had a lot of holes in my story and I haven’t even put in some of my supporting characters yet. It makes me wonder if those characters are even necessary.

Title: Unroyally in Love

Act 1: Stephanie has a royal fit over a glitch in her schedule

Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. She gets angry when he reveals himself and the two spar verbally.

Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball and tries to woo Princess Stephanie while in disguise. He reveals himself and then argues with her.

Historian visits the castle to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis. He lets them know he’s doing some research into the royal line. They promptly throw him out.

Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.

Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.

Historian visits Jack and informs him that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.

Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.

Historian leaks the news to the press.

Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.

The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.

Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.

Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in his castle until she can get back on her feet.

Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.

Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.

Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.

Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.

Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.

Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms. Stephanie doesn’t want to shake hands with anyone or get too close to them. She treats them like they are below her.

Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person

Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.

Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is not a PR nightmare for his own country.

Stephanie PJ 6a: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.

Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.

Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.

Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts the orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.

Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real.

Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.

Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.

Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.

Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.

Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.

Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educated her on how to be a royal.

Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman

Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.

Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.

Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.

Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.

Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.

Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.

Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.

Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.

[Renee Miller]

Renee’s New Outline Beats

My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to work backward to make sure that everything is logical and flows well.

Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.

Ext. Forest – Night

Opening: a father checks on his kids in their tent.

Int. Club – Night

Claire partying.

Ext. Forest – Night

A creature rips through the tent and snatches the young girl.

Int. Claire’s Home – Day

PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She wants to refuse but is reminded that it is part of her community service.

Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day

AJ 1 – Marc makes his plans to bring the creature back alive.

Ext. Claire’s House – Day

She packs her Bronco with her search and rescue gear. An old neighbor warns her there is something in the woods.

Ext. Base Camp – Day

Inciting Incident: Claire sees her sister and brother-in-law. She finds out the missing girl is her niece. Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.

PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.

Deeper Layer – the missing girl, is actually her daughter.

Int. Base Camp Tent – Day

AJ 2 – Marc directs the search and rescue team of the mission. He pulls three members aside and tells them they are to bring the creature back alive no matter the cost.

Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.

Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day

PJ 3 – Claire discovers that her former best friend is one of the volunteers and decides to let past issues go and teams up with her during the search.

Ext. Family Camp Site – Day

The search and rescue team looks at the campsite for clues. They discover which way the creature went; they think it is a big grizzly.

Ext. Forest – Day

Claire and Lexi talk while looking for more clues about where the creature went.

Ext. Forest – Day

Adam and Scott talk about their plan to capture the creature.

Ext. Forest – Later

Turning Point 1: The first team member is killed while searching the for the girl.

PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to turn back but can’t leave her daughter to die.

Act 2: More volunteers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.

Int. Base Camp Tent – Day

AJ 3 – Marc hears from Adam that one of the volunteers has been killed, and he must adjust his plans.

Ext. Base Camp – Day

AJ 4 – Marc reassures the parents that his men are highly experienced and will do everything possible to bring their daughter back alive.

Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.

Ext. Camp Site – Night

The rescuers are deep in the woods and make camp for the night. Claire sits with Adam and talks. Everyone but Adam fall asleep next to the fire. The creature takes another rescuer. All hell breaks loose.

PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.

Ext. Camp Site – Later

PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on. They hear a moaning. Adam finds Scott, severely injured but alive.

Ext. Forest – Later

Claire helps patch Scott up. He is delirious. He lets slip that they are bringing the creature back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Claire.

PJ 7 – When one of the antagonist’s men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.

Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.

Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.

Ext. Camp Site – Day

While Adam is attending Scott and developing a plan to get him down the hill, Claire packs up her stuff and sneaks out of camp.

PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.

Ext. Base Camp – Day

Marc sees Lexi and Adam dragging Scott down the hill on a stretcher. The parents get hysterical. Adam brings Scott into the tent.

AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.

Int. Base Camp Tent – Day

Marc talks with Scott to find out where the group was headed. He makes plans to go back up the mountain himself.

Ext. Base Camp – Day

Adam tries to talk some sense into Marc but is unsuccessful. He decides to follow Marc back up the hill to try and save Claire and the girl.

Ext. Forest – Day

Claire stumbles into an opening. She spots a cave. She hesitantly goes into it.

Int. Cave – Day

Claire enters the cave and spots the girl huddled in the corner.

Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared, in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her, Mark shows up.

Int. Cave – Day

Claire runs to her daughter. She is barely holding on. Marc shows up looking for the creature.

PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.

AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.

Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.

Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.

Int. Cave – Day

PJ 10 – Claire tries to reason with Marc. She doesn’t want to kill him.

Int. Cave – Day

Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him.

Ext. Cave – Day

Claire gathers her daughter in her arms, but the exit is blocked by the creature. She puts her daughter down and kills the creature with Marc’s gun.

Ext. Base Camp – Night

Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.

PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.

[Dana Abbott]

WIM2 – Dana’s New Outline Beats

My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.

What I learned during this assignment:

I’m glad I had several days to complete this outline. I had more ideas than I originally thought. I know there will be more as this outline is perfected. I also learned more about my characters’ journeys as I conceptualized their battle.

GENRE: Thriller

Protagonist: Ruth Griffin

Antagonist: The Custodian

ACT 1: Ruth is kidnapped

Ruth PJ: Ruth revives in the bottom of a smelting pot trapped. She explores the pot to fathom her situation, searching for a way to climb out. There isn’t one.

Ruth PJ: Above her, a full moon peeks through the remnants of a rotting ceiling. She calls to someone for help, but only hears her echo. She yells louder, and frustrated, collapses, believing is alone.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian reveals his presence. Ruth looks up to find him standing on the platform above her. For a long moment, he stands staring at here, saying nothing.

Ruth PJ: Ruth’s defiant. Frightened, Ruth screams at her captor demanding answers. She stresses her importance as a congressman’s wife.

Inciting Incident: Proof of life.

Ruth PJ: The Custodian drops her a newspaper for a proof of life photo and instructs her to hold how to hold it under her face. He uses a camera from his overalls to take the picture. Gives her thumbs up.

Deeper Layer: Ruth realizes she’s being held for ransom.

Ruth PJ: Ruth tries to bribe her way out. He listens but rejects the offer.

Custodian AJ: The custodian instructs her to be silent. He points to sign painted to the inside of the pot: “Shh! Be quiet. You’re not alone.”.

Ruth PJ: Defiant, Ruth screams for help until emotionally exhausted. He listens to the last echo fade, then holds a finger to his lips “Shh.” She nods, agreeing, too exhausted to fight, and then he vanishes into the mill.

Ruth PJ: She spreads the newspaper like a blanket and leans against the side of the pot. She begins to cry. Her soft cries echo from the pot through the mill.

Deeper Layer: He’s warning her that she’s in real danger and to keep quiet.

Ruth PJ: Resting, she wakes up to hear cars enter the mill. Two cars roll in slowly keeping their headlights on.

Ruth PJ: Excited at first, Ruth remembers the sign warning her to keep quiet. She hesitates. Gang members exit the cars. The leader, his young girlfriend, hench men and an informer. Two men drag from the back seat, badly beaten. They drop him to his knees in the light from the headlights, and the leader begins to question him. He’s an informer, and they want to know who he’s been talking to.

Ruth PJ: Ruth, listening, realizes it’s a street gang come to kill one of their own. She’s in danger. She hears the man tortured, screaming in agony. Her breathing becomes panicked.

Ruth PJ: Ruth’s echoed breathing catches the ear of the gang’s rottweiler, and the dog breaks from the young girlfriend’s grasp and runs to find the source of the breathing. The young girl chases the rottweiler to the platform overlooking the smelting pot and finds Ruth.

Turning Point 1: Discovered and fearing for her life, Ruth begs the girl not to expose her to the others. When asked what she sees, the girl says nothing. She’s ordered to rejoin the gang.

Ruth PJ: Ruth hears the man killed, and the gang members climb into their cars to leave. The young girl looks to the smelting pot wondering about Ruth. She puts the dog in the car, joins her boyfriend, and the gang members leave.

Ruth PJ: Ruth is left in the smelting pot, horribly distraught, but quiet.

Custodian AJ: He watches over Ruth. He sits in the shadows smoking a cigar, watching, armed if needed to protect Ruth. He appears again and emphasizes for Ruth to be quiet.

Ruth PJ: She agrees, understanding the danger surrounding her.

Deeper Layer: The Custodian is keeping her alive. Why?

Act 2: Ruth learns to survive.

Custodian AJ: He contacts the husband by text regarding the ransom. But it’s not the normal ransom demand. They’re involved in a conspiracy to kidnap Ruth.

Custodian AJ: The husband negotiates the deal. The insurance company will pay $1M for the kidnapping. The insurance will pay the additional $1M when Ruth is dead. The Custodian will receive $1M for the kidnapping and full payment after the deed is done.

Deeper Level: Ruth’s husband wants her dead, but he cannot be trusted.

Ruth PJ: A rat scurries across the platform and is struck by a rattle snake. The rat limps off to die near the edge of the platform. When the snake tires to consume the rat, they both fall into the smelting pot with Ruth.

Ruth PJ: Ruth battles a rattle snake.

Ruth PJ: Ruth rolls-up the newspaper and uses her shoe to swat at the snake. When the snake strikes the newspaper, its fangs get stuck. Ruth grabs the tail and swings, slamming the snake into the side for the pit until it’s dead.

Ruth PJ: When Ruth flings the snake out of the pot, it sails past a grimy-looking derelict standing on the platform watching her. Ruth begs him for help, first warning him about the Custodian.

He keeps asking questions (how she got there?), none too concerned about the Custodian, who isn’t present. He calls out proving they’re alone.

Ruth PJ: Ruth asks him to help her escape the pot, and the derelict looks around and finds a rusted ladder. He lowers the ladder into the pot. Ruth is shocked when he climbs down, intending to assault her.

Ruth PJ: Ruth fights him off, beating the crap out of him, but he knocks her down. Injured, on the ground the backs away until she is pinned against the pot. She then sees the ladder pulled up.

Custodian AJ: He appears from nowhere and ropes the derelict around the neck.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian yanks hard and pins the derelict against the inside of the pot, strangling him. He loops the rope over a high pully and heaves. Inch by inch, the derelict is lifted off his feet until his struggling stops and he hangs above the pot dead.

Ruth PJ: Very reluctantly, Ruth thanks the Custodian for saving her.

Custodian AJ: He vanishes again, and out of nowhere, a blanket and a bottle of water drop into the smelting pot.

Deeper Level: The Custodian must keep her alive until paid, then she can be left to die.

Ruth PJ: Ruth, covered by the blanket, trying to rest, softly sings a Bible hymn. It echoes through the mill.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian hears the singing and listens. For a moment, he has second thoughts. Then he’s contacted by Ruth’s husband again.

Custodian AJ: Her husband wants to renegotiate their deal. The insurance company is causing problems. But the Custodian knows it’s a lie.

Ruth PJ: Nearly asleep, Ruth awakes up at the sound of another car entering the mill. She tries to hide, plastering herself against the wall of the pot, until she realizes, it’s the young girl from the drug gang.

Ruth PJ: Ruth warns her about the Custodian, which the girl heads, given the derelict is hanging just off the platform. The girl was curious, that’s why she came back, but now is too nervous to help and want to leave.

Ruth PJ: Ruth begs the woman for help, convincing her to drop her cell phone to Ruth to call the police. Before Ruth can use the phone —

Custodian AJ: The Custodian kills the young woman and drops her body into the smelting pot with Ruth. Then demands the phone, which Ruth throws at him. He breaks it.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian uses his own phone to make a call. He calls Ruth’s husband and holds it up for Ruth to hear the call.

Midpoint: Ruth’s escape plan

Ruth PJ: Ruth realizes her husband is involved in her kidnapping when he answers the call, instantly enraged that the Custodian called him, revealing his involvement in the kidnapping. She screams at him, and he hangs ups.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian walks away. He sends a text to Ruth’s husband demanding full payment, threatening to release Ruth. The husband agrees to the $2M, but Ruth must die. Money first.

Deeper Level: Ruth knows she’s going to be killed.

Ruth PJ: Hearing the Custodian leave, Ruth decides she must escape.

Ruth PJ: She finds girl’s car keys in a pocket. She then pushes the girl’s body against the pot to use as a step stool to reach the edge. But she can’t quiet reach.

Ruth PJ: She removes her shoe and tries to hook the heel over the edge, but when the heel snaps off, she falls hard into the pot. Bruises and battered, she tries again, hooking her other shoe to lift her enough to grab the edge with her free hand. She pulls herself up and straddles the edge, but she can’t reach the platform.

Ruth PJ: She slides down the edge where she can reach the hanged derelict and climbs onto his body. She swings herself over to the platform and, landing hard, she lays there, exhausted from the effort.

Ruth PJ: She hears the Custodian’s car return and flees, barefoot, into the shadows of the mill.

Custodian AJ 8: Finds Ruth has escaped.

Custodian AJ: He examines how she escaped and scans the mill for Ruth. He knows she’s hiding somewhere.

Deeper Level: He supplied the means of her escape.

Custodian AJ: He drops the duffle back of ransom money on the platform, draws his knife and backs into the shadows, scanning for Ruth.

Custodian AJ: He must kill Ruth to prevent the conspiracy with her husband from being revealed.

Ruth PJ: She must find her way to get to the girl’s car. Hiding in the mill, she sees the Custodian meld into the dark. She makes her way around the mill in her bare feet.

Climax: Ruth fights for her freedom

Ruth PJ: From the shadows, she creeps out into the moonlight to the car. Trying the door handle, the girl’s rottweiler lunges at Ruth from behind the driver window, revealing her location.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian emerges, and Ruth flees into the mill.

Ruth PJ: The dog breaks from the car, nosing the door open, and chases after Ruth. She runs up a ladder, the dog in pursuit. She grabs and pipe and swings, striking the dog. He whines and limps away.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian is coming up the ladder.

Ruth PJ: Ruth ducks into the shadows again, waiting with the pipe in ambush. When the Custodian comes closer, Ruth strikes, knocking him down. But when she swings to finish him off, he grabs the pipe and yanks it from her.

Ruth PJ: Ruth runs off, crossing the catwalk. Her bare foot digs into something sharp, and she falls, crying out.

Custodian AJ: Wounded, the Custodian climbs to his feet and runs after Ruth.

Ruth PJ: Ruth limps to her feet, running as a fast as she can, but cannot escape.

Ruth PJ: Ruth must fight or die.

Ruth PJ: Ruth is cornered by the Custodian on the platform over the smelting pot. She fights him off, jabbing at him with a piece of sharp metal she finds, slicing him once. He slaps her down and readies his knife.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian is killed.

Custodian AJ: The rottweiler charges from nowhere, slamming into the Custodian. He stabs at the dog, wounding it, but trips over the ransom money and falls from the platform. He lands headfirst in the smelting pot.

Ruth PJ: When Ruth peers over the edge, the Custodian is laying on his back – presumed dead.

Ruth PJ: Ruth has survived. She finds the Custodian’s cell phone in the bag of money and calls police.

Resolution: Ruth gets her revenge

Ruth PJ: Ruth sits in the back of the ambulance, waiting to be taken to the hospital. The rottweiler sits next to her bandaged. It’s her dog now.

Ruth PJ: Ruth’s husband arrives feigning concern. When he joins her in the ambulance, Ruth reveals she has the Custodian’s cell phone containing text messages to her husband. Your ass is mine. She pets her new dog.

Deeper Level: Ruth is now in charge.

Custodian AJ: The police investigate. They retrieve the girl’s body from the smelting pot and lower the derelicts body from the rafters. But when the rescue team is told the bring the Custodian, he’s vanished from the smelting pot.

Custodian AJ: The Custodian has escaped.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  Dana Abbott.

[Marcus Wolf]

Marcus’ New Outline Beats!

My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.

This assignment teaches some good ways to keep a proper plot flow.

Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”

Barnet PJ-Jake Barnet’s Protagonist Journey

Whitaker TJ-Isaac Castle/Holland Whitaker’s Triangle Journey

Rickey AJ-Lucien Ricky’s Antagonist Journey

Genre: Drama

ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has a business as a building contractor. He spends money as quickly as he gets it and is in debt.

Barnet PJ 1: Barnet thinks he’s in love with prostitute Charlotte and tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner. Tries to find new business for his builders. Brings some prospective clients to see his latest building under construction, then to inciting incident.

GENRE CONVENTION: Barnet’s failed love life and clumsy way of trying to correct it.

Whitaker TJ 1: Whitaker under his new identity, Isaac Castle, takes up residence in a new town. His skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. He hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. He sees wanted posters go up.

Rickey AJ 1: Rickey seeks revenge on the railroad. He has put together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful.

INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction.

Whitaker TJ 2: Secretly burns his boss’ lumber and the building under construction.

TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back.

Barnet PJ 2: Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here.

Whitaker TJ 3: Convinces Barnet to stay by telling him of a source of lumber as well as some hidden money, in an abandoned town. He tries to talk Barnet into letting him go there while Barnet stays in town and does damage control. Barnet doesn’t trust Castle and decides to go.

ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town.

Barnet PJ 3: Barnet shows his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer and saw atrocities. Castle encourages Barnet. Reluctantly, Barnet gains the respect of his men by showing his hidden skills at shooting and horseback riding and knife fighting.

Rickey AJ 2: Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in it. He seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.

GENRE CONVENTION: The relationship between Rickey and Adelaide, and Whitaker and Adelaide.

TURNING POINT 2: Lucien Rickey’s gang rolls into town.

Barnet PJ 3: First night in Justice, Barnet suspects that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. Early the next morning, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: A criminal gang uses the abandoned town as a hideout.

ACT 3: Confrontation with the gang who uses the town as a hideout.

Barnet PJ 4: Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.

TURNING POINT 3: Barnet takes charge.

ACT 4: The big gunfight. It is revealed that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker.

Whitaker TJ 4: Whitaker confronts Rickey and accidently shoots Adelaide, starting a gunfight with Rickey’s gang.

CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men starting an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet and a few others sneak around the back of the saloon and flanks Rickey and his men.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Castle is Whitaker, a former member of this gang. All along he has engineered this expedition in order to get back at Rickey for stealing his girlfriend.

CHANGES REALITY: Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker. But Barnet realizes that Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.

Rickey AJ 3: Rickey guns down Whitaker. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook.

Barnet PJ 5: Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.

RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.

Barnet PJ 5: Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.

[David Penn]

David’s New Outline Beats! (place in first line)

My vision is to increase my skills to become an A-list writer

What I learned from this assignment is the importance of having a rock solid outline that shows cause and effect for every scene.

ACT 1: Keith tracks down Chas/Chas finally gets a job

Chas PJ1: Chas can’t find a job- he’s too old to be an intern, doesn’t know what he wants, bad credit

Deeper Layer: Deep in debt, lies to everyone

Keith AJ1: Fired from job- he doesn’t play by rules, too harsh

Keith AJ2: IRS is gonna take his childhood home. Decides to track down Chas, who Keith thinks he has money since he lives in a $5 million house (frat house)

Deeper Layer: He’s nostalgic for past, hates change

Chas PJ2: Chas lands a job as a sperm donor- only job he can get

Inciting Incident: Chas meets Christie after donating sperm- can’t tell her the truth

ACT 2: Chas pretends to be a doctor/Keith closes in

Chas PJ3: Chas borrows friend’s car and apartment to keep up ruse

Deeper level: doubles down on his fault: lying

Keith AJ3: After finding out Chas donates sperm, he meets Heidi, the receptionist at the sperm bank and sparks fly.

Chas PJ4: Chas spends a day with Christi, having a great time, ending with sex. He has to chance to come clean afterwards, but is too cowardly. Christie says she was dorky in high school and missed her prom.

MIDPOINT: Christie falls in love with Chas. Now Chas feels guilty leading her on.

ACT 3: Chas embarks on a new path/Keith loses hope

Chas PJ5: Christie takes Chas to a kid’s hospital- she does charity work there. Chas feels guilty talking to sick kids, especially one the kid says he wants to be a doctor like you, so he can help people.

Deeper layer: Chas knows he needs to come clean

Keith AJ4: Finds out where Chas lives: a dinky boat. Realizes he has no money. Sees photos of Chas and his frat buddies, feels remorse

Deeper level: Regretful that he misses out on college.

Chas PJ6: Inspired by the sick kid, Chas takes out medical books at his old college. He may have found his calling

TURNING POINT: Chas can’t face reality, breaks up with Christie

ACT 4: The truth finally comes out

Chas PJ7: Though he’s locked out of his boat for not paying rent, he realizes nothing matters without Christie’s love. He plans to attend Christie’s party for her parents and tell her the truth

Deeper level: He’s finally growing up and facing reality

Keith AJ5: Dejected, he gets intel about Christie’s party. Surely, Chas will be there.

CRISIS: Should Chas tell her the truth or ruin their parents party?

Chas PJ8: Chas is about to come clean, but Christie doesn’t want to hear bad news. Chas is relieved.

Keith AJ6: Keith sails the dinky boat towards the yacht…

CLIMAX: Keith seizes Chas on the boat and takes him away. Christie and the guests are bewildered.

Keith AJ7: Forces Chas to call his parents and get Keith the 10 grand he needs to keep the house. He gets it.

Chas PJ9: Chas apologizes to Christie, but it’s over. He goes back to PA to work for his dad and pay off the loan.

Keith AJ8: Stays in SF and lives on the dinky boat with Heidi.

Deeper level: he’s giving up the past and embracing the present

RESOLUTION: Chas throws a party for Christie- the prom in high school she missed- and everyone’s there. Says he might be going to med school in SF, keeping the possibility of romance in the air.

[Lisa Paris Long]

Module 4 – Lesson 4 – Basic Plotting

Lisa Long’s New Outline Beats!

I realize I didn’t do this assignment as I should have…will correct it next time.

My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.

What I learned from this assignment is incorporating character journeys and deeper meanings into the structure will make the plot stronger from the beginning.

Title: Chesapeake Girl

Genre: Drama

Act 1: Molly is dropped off at her father Edgar’s restaurant/house on the Chesapeake Bay.

Opening: A speeding car pulls up outside Edgar’s Seafood restaurant and April pulls her daughter Molly out of the car against her will. Molly is left with Ed, her father that she’s never known. Melting down, Molly chases after the car as it speeds away.

Edgar is strong and quiet, trying to figure Molly out. He is still pining over April, the only woman he’s ever loved, even though she left him and didn’t tell him she was pregnant at the time. This has made him not trust people. His dog, Chessie is the most important “person” to him. Edgar never wanted to be a dad because he didn’t have one and always thought he’d suck at it. Suddenly, he’s taken in his long-gone child.

Inciting Incident: Edgar puts Molly to work in the restaurant against her will. She has to earn her keep even though she is his daughter. She gets teased by the servers and bus boy about being “old man Ed’s” love child. Ed and Molly fight over her having to work.

Turning Point 1: Molly meets Mars on the beach who is a gay, Black choreographer and they strike up a friendship over dance. Mars is hiding out at the beach to mourn the passing of his partner.

Molly will never give up dance, but Ed finds it too difficult to watch Molly dance because it reminds him of April. When Ed eventually finds out she’s dancing, he objects not only to Molly’s dancing, but to Mars. Mars thinks Ed’s racist or homophobic, but it’s really because he’s a choreographer. April left Ed for one. It also has put doubt in Ed’s head as to whether Molly is really his or the choreographers.

Act 2: Mars gets Molly an audition for the Nutcracker in NYC. They plot how to get her there. Every day while Ed takes his pre-dinner service nap, Molly sneaks out to Mars’ cottage down the beach to dance. She can’t live without dancing and so justifies sneaking around behind Ed’s back.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint: A hurricane blows into the Bay. Molly runs out and gets into a small boat. Chessie follows her and jumps in the boat. Ed is terrified and he tries to reach them in the storm. When Mars saves them and carries Molly home, Ed can’t bring himself to even thank Mars. He gets furious at Molly instead of showing her that she is safe with him…but he hugs and kisses Chessie.

Act 3: Molly lies to Mars and tells him that Ed said it was okay to go to the audition because he felt sorry for her almost dying in the storm. They take off for NYC. When she returns with a part in the Nutcracker, Ed forbids her to go back. Molly can’t give up or give in to Ed’s fears. She is so close to her dream coming true. She’s going to dance in the Nutcracker if it kills her!

Turning Point 3: Ed and Molly have a huge fight about the Nutcracker. Mars wants to talk to Ed before they go, but Molly makes excuses, and they take off for NYC. After Ed figures out that Molly did it again and ran off to NYC with Mars to dance, he decides he’s going after them.

Act 4 Climax: Ed storms into the theater with a policeman! But when he sees Molly exquisitely dancing in the Nutcracker, he backs down and dismisses the police. He can’t bring himself to ruin her dream after all. April shows up to see Molly dance too. April tells Ed that she wants to come home. Ed says he’ll think about it. He returns to the Chesapeake Bay alone.

Molly returns to the Bay after the show run with her tail between her legs. She finally realizes the toll her dream has taken on Ed.

Resolution: Ed comes clean about the past that he’s holding onto and finally expresses his love for Molly. Molly in turn expresses her love for him too. Molly is angry with her mother for leaving her. Ed is still angry with April for leaving him too. Molly and Ed realize they have a lot in common and they have learned to love each other.

April returns and they all work on healing. April tells Ed that Molly is indeed his daughter. She helps Ed with the restaurant while teaching Molly dance. Mars returns to NYC to begin again. Six months later, Edgar is ill. The family is back together as Ed passes away. Molly and April dance on the beach as an expression of mourning, love, and tribute to Ed.

[victor Valleau]

WIM Vic Valleau MODULE 4, LESSON 4 BASIC PLOTTING

VISION: As a writer, I am an alchemist, turning the ordinary into gold, creating screenplays buyers compete to produce.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS: making basic plot decisions on beat sheet saves lots of Re-writing v. my old ways of fine tuning each scene but losing plot.

THREE ANGLES: BEGINNING TO END (B/E) , END TO BEGIN (E/B) , BOTH WAYS FROM MAJOR EVENT (B/W) WITH 3 QUESTIONS A,B, and C below from EACH ANGLE:

A. Are there any logical jumps? Mom pushes Bob to meet clerk Minnie, see her when he has appointment.

B. Is the focus on the leads characters journey?

C. Does it feel like anything is missing?

ACT 1

A. ARE THERE ANY LOGIC JUMPS? Why this clinic? Wyle’s affair with Sam, keeps him coming back but Mia nor Bob know this at start.

(E/B)

B. IS THE FOCUS ON THE LEAD CHARACTERS JOURNEY?

Yes, we follow Bob who wrongly says fate brought Mia to him. She thinks he’s nuts.

C. DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IS MISSING? Bob’s backstory is missing. Why is he a sperm donor. Why is it important to him? Why does his mother encourage him? What is toll she suffers?

Protag Journey Structure;

Bobs journeys starts with him being public, Guinness worlds record of donations??? On table book is proof of his even puffed up important. from lonely birthday party to falling in love, first with Mia a married woman, then with Minnie, the right woman.

WYLE: Antag Journey Structure:

A. ARE THERE ANY LOGIC JUMPS: Why risk his marriage if Mia discovers Sam? Mia follows him, is there to find out why he is there. Mia bumps into Bob with donation spilling out.

B. IS THE FOCUS ON THE LEAD CHARACTERS JOURNEY?

Wyle sneaks around, or blusters with self importance. He pretends he is doing favor for his wife when he needs cover with Sam.

C. DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IS MISSING? Mia’s arc isn’t spelled out. Maybe she’s trying to trick Wyle into admitting affair, then divorce. She’s following him, following her.

Wyle journeys starts with his muscle contest photos and keeping his secret of being sterile, blaming Mia.

Deeper Layer

Bob insults Minnie for not being Playmate material, fights real love, lives in fantasy of important to grows up.

Wyle’s disrespect for everyone.

Genre conventions

Cute meet? Minnie giggles at Bob’s embarrassment, as Mia runs out. .

ACT 4 back into Act 1, (E/B)

ACT 2

A. ARE THERE ANY LOGIC JUMPS

(B/W) MAJOR EVENT SO GO BACK AND FORTH

Bob is smitten, obsessed like a first love teen age boy toward Mia. Awkward, clumsy, stuttering.

Going forward is:

B. IS THE FOCUS ON THE LEAD CHARACTERS JOURNEY?

Bob shows demonstrated love for Mia. How? Writes songs on guitar, poetry, flowers, greeting cards, bumps into her chance meetings, becomes a nuisance. Did Bob go to college with Mia, pursued her then?

Going backwards is:

Bob misunderstands politeness for attraction by Mia.

Bob asks his men friends if it is love when a woman smiles and says Excuse me”.

Bob asks other women at the clinic if she wants his baby. They laugh.

C. DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IS MISSING?

How does Wyle react to Bob’s pursuit of his wife?

Protag Journey Structure Loves Mia wrongly. She is flattered. He builds up romance.

(B/f) Antag Journey Structure: Mia’s lies and both men believe e her. She lies about why she’s at the clinic. Wyle hates Bob, yet both accept Mia’s explanation of why she’s at clinic.. She’s spying on him, just used the restroom.

Deeper Layer: Both men want to believe she’s there for donation. in agreement are deceived with story

Genre conventions: two men compete for woman’s love.

ACT 3

A. ARE THERE ANY LOGIC JUMPS

Bob’s marriage proposal to Mia causes her to run.

B. IS THE FOCUS ON THE LEAD CHARACTERS JOURNEY?

Bob is a die hard romantic, wrongly pro[posing,

C. DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IS MISSING? Earlier he convinces her to separate from Wyle

Mia tells Minnie about her miscarriages.

Protag Journey Structure:

Bob: Diamond ring proposal to Mia, separated from Wyle.

Antag Journey Structure Wyle attacks Bob. Reconciles with Mia.

Deeper Layer: Bob steps up for first time, fights for love.

Genre conventions: loses girl

ACT 4

A. ARE THERE ANY LOGIC JUMPS: Yes Why are we here, now, inescapable confrontation? How?

Who is giving party and why? Wyle is courting Mia to get her back. Party is meeting of opposing forces. Where is party? Restaurant? Reunion? Camping trip?

B. IS THE FOCUS ON THE LEAD CHARACTERS JOURNEY?

Wyle needs to be fighting for Mia.

Bob is fighting for his integrity, becoming a man, a man who is a 4 principled desirable mate? Wants family, is stable, employed, respected by friends.

C. DOES IT FEEL LIKE ANYTHING IS MISSING?

Protag Journey Structure: How or why does Bob become mate material, recognized by Mia but Minnie presses in. Desperate “Daddy” quest ends up. A random baby calls him Daddy in front of police, to Minnie kisses him and asks ”Do you want to be a daddy?” He gives up “Daddy” quest but finds love. .

Antag Journey Structure

Gets busted by SAM reporting to police.

Deeper Layer

Bob’s stepping up, being a man.

Genre conventions

Happily ever after? Bob gets unmarried girl, better than Mia married. Minnie finally accepts flowers from Bob, after secret crush. Minnie takes flowers Bob brought for Mia, switches card in vase. Wyle and pregnant Mia re-unite. Bob and Wyle shake hands then kiss their women, as camera pans over wall photo of Clinic of hundreds of laughing baby photos.

[David Holloway]

Dave Holloway’s new outline beats

My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal development.

What I learned doing this assignment is that examining the outline in this way allowed me to spot some holes in the story.

Act 1

Opening: Nigel is shown in court, arguing to convince the court that a mother should be allowed to remain with her two children, though she has had some personal difficulties. He is articulate and passionate. He is seen as very civilized, rather than a man inclined to lose his cool.

Nigel, when questioned by co-workers at his law firm, tells them his wife, Livia, is in the former U.S., reporting on social conditions there in what are now independent states.

At a pub, Nigel reveals to his co-workers that his wife has been incommunicado for several days, which deeply worries him.

Antag. journey: The warden of the Shiloh prison, Luther Trask, reads the articles about Shiloh written by Livia Williamson, Nigel’s wife. They depict the brutal conditions in the state and Trask, realizing they could be damaging, order’s Livia’s arrest and imprisonment.

Inciting Incident: Nigel engages in a SKYPE communication with Livia, his wife, in which she tells him that the military state she is in is very hostile to journalists. During the call, men enter her room and take her away to a military prison.

Nigel SKYPE call to Shiloh, tries to get info out of person who answers, is stonewalled, blows up at “you Nazi bastards.”

Turning Point: Nigel meets with government officials and even appears on a British talk show, trying to stir action that will lead to his wife’s release. The Prime Minister appeals to Shiloh publicly for her release. He finally realizes he must go to Shiloh, the military state, to try to obtain her freedom in person.

Act 2

New Plan: Nigel watches his friend, Roger, play in a rugby game. In a pub afterward, he discloses to Roger that he will fly to the military state to try to rescue Livia. Roger volunteers to go and Nigel accepts.

Deeper Layer: Roger mentions an uncle who was left in a wheelchair after fighting in Iraq with the Americans. He expresses dislike of the military for ordering people to kill and/or die. Nigel admits his uneasiness with violence and recounts to him the story of the incident when, at 14, three working-class kids surrounded him on the street and taunted him, and one punched him in the face and he ran away. He doesn’t reveal how deeply the incident still haunts him. Roger expresses hostility to the military.

Plan in Action: As they are flying to Los Angeles, Roger reveals himself to be hearty but perhaps somewhat callous and lacking much empathy for other people. The pilot informs the passengers that the independent states along the east coast of North America have declared their air space closed to foreign aircraft, and thus the plane must land in New York and go no further.

Antagonist’s journey: Trask becomes aware that Nigel and his friend are coming to rescue Livia, due to Shiloh’s access to media worldwide, including the television show he was on, its ability to obtain access to airline passenger lists, and the Prime Minister’s appeal. He orders an agent to meet Nigel at the New York airport and plant a tracking device on Nigel, so he will be aware of where he is at all times.

Act 2:

They get on a bus to travel across Empire. A crew-cut man has a bag placed in the baggage compartment, then cleverly takes Nigel’s suitcase from the baggage compartment of the bus, telling the driver it’s his own and he’s decided to keep it with him on the bus to avoid any possibility of damage or theft. He gets on the bus after Nigel, takes the suitcase to the front of the bus, opens the suitcase, and places a tracking device on an article of Nigel’s clothing. When the bus reaches its destination, he places it among the baggage taken out of the baggage compartment, undetected by Nigel or the driver. The man watches Nigel take it, and Nigel and Roger then take a taxi across Elysium, the next state.

Livia is interrogated by Luther Trask, the prison’s warden, who tries to get her to reveal the names of the Shiloh citizens who told her the state executes political prisoners. She refuses, and he threatens her life.

Midpoint: On a train across a hunting and fishing state, they meet three young Navajo men, and are caught up in a gun battle in the Native-American state, and Nigel is shot by a bullet that goes through his forearm. By being shot and surviving, he gains more confidence in his ability to take part in and survive physical action in general. When Roger finds the body of one of the young Navajo men they’d met, he’s deeply moved, shedding a tear and praising him to the other Navajo men they’d met.

Deeper Layer: the incident cheers Nigel, who has been shot in a gun battle and survived without losing his nerve. He remarks humorously to Roger that he’d never known getting shot was so easy.

Roger proposes getting medical attention for Nigel, who says they can’t waste time on that and have to get to Shiloh as quick as possible.

Rethink everything: Nigel gets a communication from Livia, informing him that she might not have many days left to live, because the military state will execute her. He tries to communicate back to her, but the call doesn’t go through.

Seeking to take a train across the Native-American state, they meet a young pilot, Amelia, who takes them across in her plane. They grow friendly with her, and she agrees to take them across the next state, El Dorado.

When their plane develops mechanical trouble flying above El Dorado, they’re taken prisoner. The tracking device on Nigel’s clothing that the agent from the military state planted is discovered and revealed to him. The head of the state informs them the tracking device is from Shiloh. As they’re being escorted from their cell to the showers, Roger punches the police guard and Nigel tackles him. Roger then chokes the man into unconsciousness. They escape along with Amelia, stealing a helicopter that Amelia figures out how to fly out of the state.

Nigel and Roger wonder who applied the tracking device and where. They realize that with modern technology, no one is anonymous anymore, and Shiloh must have known he was flying to Shiloh.

Deeper Layer: Nigel’s tackle of the police guard shows his increasing competence in action and violence in the pursuit of freeing Livia.

The tracking device has been left behind in El Dorado, meaning Trask is no longer sure of Nigel’s location. He orders stepped-up security at the Shiloh border, to try to become aware of Nigel if he enters the state.

Livia talks with another prisoner, Adrienne, in the exercise yard of the prison. Adrienne tells her all the prisoners accused of taking part in the Resistance will eventually be executed, as her husband has been. She tells her she talked with a female guard, June, who related to her that she’d seen a great deal in her years in the prison. But June shows little consideration for the prisoners, who will soon be killed.

Turning Point: Huge failure/major shift

Act 3: They begin to fly across the next state, Independence, but have to land to refuel the helicopter. They see, on the outskirts of Denver, that the city is seriously deteriorated, with part of it on fire, and Amelia tells them about the crime and poverty that exist there. When outlaws approach them, Nigel and Roger fire on them to enable themselves to get away in the helicopter.

Livia begins talking to June during the daily exercise hour, attempting to gain her sympathy. June confesses that she has read about the way the state was before it became Shiloh, and it sounds like a better life. Livia tells her about her life in England and marriage to Nigel, and June seems intrigued, especially by her account of life in a much freer country.

Trask talks to Livia again and offers to free her if she will tell him the name of at least one citizen who told her that Shiloh executes political prisoners. He wants to break her, even to a small degree. Livia refuses, knowing that any person she names will be imprisoned and executed.

When they reach the military state, Nigel sees it is so dominated and controlled by military force that he can no longer abstain from violence to free Livia. He remarks that it’s not the sort of place that will yield to reason and logical persuasion, or truth. Every action is now on the table. He tells Roger that if his nerve fails him at any point and causes their attempt to rescue Livia to fail, he will never forgive himself.

June confesses to Livia she was raped several times when a young guard by older male guards – a common practice at the prison back then. Livia reveals her desire to escape, and June is sympathetic and pledges to help her. She promises they’ll take June with them if she wants to come.

Antagonist’s journey: Aware that Nigel is drawing close to Livia, Trask orders Livia’s execution to take place in three days and does everything he can to capture and/or kill Nigel, hoping to have Nigel watch Livia’s execution.

Turning Point 3: Nigel learns that Livia’s execution will take place in three days.

Act 4

Climax/ultimate expression of the conflict

Resolution

They cross the Shiloh border, and Trask is alerted that they’re in the state. Nigel stops a car on the road, talks to the driver and threatens him with a gun if he doesn’t lend them the car. Alternative: there’s a wall around the entire state, other than the western edge that overlooks the Pacific Ocean. They decide to fly low, under the anti-aircraft radar, at 3 a.m., to try to avoid detection. They do so, and Amelia lands the helicopter 20 miles outside Shiloh’s capital, in a rural, lightly-populated area. Then stop car on road and force man to get out. He does and they travel to the capital of the military state, ditch the car and sleep in a public park, fearing their names have been circulated through the state and will result in their arrest if they give them. They see the police shoot a man trying to get away with a crime with a weapon that sends an electric current through him, a grisly sight. They view other aspects of the tightly controlled, authoritarian state. They must travel anonymously, because Trask has photos of Roger and Nigel broadcast on screens in the capital. They have Amelia travel apart from them, so she will not be associated and hunted with them for being with them. They lie low during the day as much as possible to avoid being seen and recognized. Roger grows a beard and tries to keep his face as covered as possible. Nigel questions what would enrage a man like Trask most, and reasons that it would be open, flagrant disobedience of an important order he gave. Nigel allows himself to be arrested, hoping that he will be brought before Trask when his name is discovered. He is, and Nigel says Roger already turned back to return home. He makes a daring plan to kill Trask. Roger and Amelia, who has rejoined Roger in Shiloh, undetected, receive a message from Livia, carried to them by June, informing them of a man in an underground resistance force who flies wanted people out of the state when they would be captured and executed. She was given the man’s name and address by one of the Shiloh citizens she interviewed for her articles. Nigel asks June to provide him with a maintenance man’s uniform to give him if he meets her inside the prison. They contact him, and Amelia promises the resistance group that if they can free Livia, she will write articles that will inform the entire world of the evils of Shiloh’s government. Nigel risks his life to kill the sadistic warden, goading him into walking with him along a passageway between two buildings and provoking him into a fight with him on. Trask takes a knife away from Nigel, who takes an electrical killing device from Trask. After the warden punches him in the face, reawakening memories of the incident at 14, Nigel becomes enraged and finds a chance to lift Trask and throws him over the side to his death. He does so and frees Livia from her cell with the help of June, who hands Nigel the maintenance man’s uniform and brings Livia outside the prison in handcuffs to the meeting place with Amelia two blocks away. Roger hails a cab and bribes the driver with enough money to let him borrow the cab for two hours without reporting the theft. Nigel dons the maintenance worker’s uniform that June gave him, leaves the prison and meets the four of them at the appointed spot. Roger drives them to the meeting place with the plane, and they escape in the plane piloted by the resistance man.

Deeper Layer: Nigel’s actions wipe out the incident at 12 from his minds.

Resolution: As they fly home, Nigel has changed irrevocably, becoming more comfortable with action and adventure.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  David Holloway.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  David Holloway.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  David Holloway.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 7 months ago by  David Holloway.
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[Frances Emerson]

MODULE FOUR LESSON FOUR

FRAN’S NEW OUTLINE BEATS

WHAT I LEARNED: Things will come to you as you work, process your story inside. Just let them flow. This is still not where it needs to be, but I know in the next lessons it will get there.

MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.

NEW OUTLINE

Winter in Russia

Novelty shop in Moscow near the Kremlin. St. Basil’s Cathedral

Christmastime. Lots of snow.

What appears to be a “normal” married couple shopping for a Christmas/birthday gift for their daughter.

Jerome Kearns is an outgoing, gregarious, big spender. He plays the Big Man on Campus. He’s looking at a necklace. It’s a very expensive necklace, once owned by the Grand Duchess Olga Romanov. A St. Nicholas icon on a gold chain.

His wife Meredith Kearns shops around. She’s demure, lets her husband take the lead. Lets him choose the gift for their daughter.

While they’re shopping, they talk about their work. Their partnership. They’re working on a movie they’re filming in Russia.

Meredith comes across an old book, a diary. She takes it down from the shelf, begins reading parts of it. (Here is where we get a first glimpse of the story she will be writing about: Olga and her short life as a young woman, and of her tragic loves.)

The story intrigues her. She wants to buy the book. But Jerome tells her it’s too expensive. Too frivolous. They’re on a shoestring budget. Why does she want it anyway? It’s an old diary. He tells her no and that’s that. She puts it back.

Jerome buys the necklace and tells Meredith he’s leaving –they’re leaving. He leaves. She hesitates a moment, talks to the proprietor, and then slips him some money for the book. He retrieves the book for her. She hides it in her purse. She then leaves.

They are “home.” At the apartment they’re staying in.

Jerome gets a call. He says it’s work. He needs to leave to take care of something. Don’t wait up for him. It’s suspicious—like always, but she doesn’t question. Meredith begins to relax a little. She gets the book she bought at the shoppe, sits down, begins to read in earnest.

(Here is where we get the first story of Olga’s loves. She’s a teenager as her story open. She has her first love/crush on a man she can never hope to marry. A military officer serving on her father’s royal yacht. Her first heartbreak: he marries one of their ladies in waiting.)

We learn Jerome hasn’t really gone to work to take care of something. He, instead, is with his young starlet actress, mistress. He is much older than her. She is merely 20, around the same age as his daughter. But she makes him feel like a big man again. Young again. Alive. (Mid Life crisis.) He takes her to bed quickly, easily. The starlet is using Jerome, too, to corporate climb.

Meredith has gone to bed—alone—again. She can’t sleep, unable to cope with the loneliness and being alone in a failing marriage.

NEXT MORNING:

ON SET. Jerome is in full vigor. Fawning all over his starlet. And giving his crew a rather blustery hard time of it. The starlet is not having a great time of it, either. She’s complaining about the script. She can’t do the scene as written. She wants it re-written to her liking. To her specifications. Jerome gives in to her demands.

Jerome and Meredith get into an argument over the changes. She can’t totally rewrite the scene the way she wants it, she says. To honor the history the story revolves around. She doesn’t want to compromise history for the star.

Jerome tells Meredith to write the scene as HE/SHE wants it done, or he’ll hire someone who can and will. He humiliates Meredith in front of the crew.

She goes home to try to write the scene the way she Jerome and the starlet want it done. But can’t.

She calls her agent/Manager. They have a heart-to-heart talk. Meredith tells her what happened. The agent understands. This has been going on for some time now. It’s taking a toll on Meredith’s work. she pleads with Meredith to leave him. Meredith tells her she can’t. Too invested in the marriage and the partnership. She then tells her agents she’s thinking about starting a new script on her own. She found an old diary. Some of the story she conveys to her. (Here we get more of a glimpse into the life of Olga.) She fears she might get fired off the set if she doesn’t come up with a satisfactory version of the scene soon. Agent gives her her blessing to quit anytime. Meredith tells her to start looking for something new she can work on. And a new partner. She can’t work with Jerome anymore, not like this. He can’t work with me. It’s just as well. Agent tells her to ask for a divorce. Everyone knows about his tawdry little affairs. Can’t. Not yet. Not until this movie’s done. What will my daughter think. Your daughter is a grown woman. She’ll be more than okay. In the meantime, I’ll see what I can do. She urges her to start working on her story.

Meredith’s agent calls up Meredith’s old flame to talk with him. She already knows he ‘s been looking for a writer, a new project, and to get back with Meredith. He knows about Jerome’s little escapades, too, over the years and wants to get Meredith out of that situation.

Meanwhile:

Jerome’s meeting with his producers, money lenders. It isn’t going well. They tell him if he doesn’t get it wrapped up soon the money tree is going to shrivel up and die.

Meanwhile:

Meredith has the new scene ready and takes it to the studios. It still isn’t right. Jerome’s a bear on the set—again. Already he’s gotten a new writer behind Meredith’s back. They get into another argument. Jerome says she’s fired. Meredith says too late. She quits, and leaves the set.

She goes home to their apartment where her daughter Alex is waiting. They have a heart-to-heart talk. They discuss a divorce. The agent urges her. The daughter is on her mother’s side. She knows about her father’s little escapades. And she can’t stand to see her mother hurting like this. Meredith spills out everything to her, including the little shopping spree they had. Alex doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to see her mother hurting anymore. It’s okay if she wants to get a divorce.

Meredith gets a phone call. It’s her agent. She tells her she’s found someone that loves her story idea and wants to produce it. He wants to meet with her asap. Meredith and Alex are ecstatic about it. Meredith says yes. It’s a greenlight on the new project. When can they meet?

Meredith goes to Jerome. Tells him it’s over. The partnership. She tells him of the new job she has agreed to take on. She tells him this time it’s my work, my efforts, my script alone. Not one of your starlet whore’s wannabe efforts.

Meredith meets with her new partner. It’s her old flame come back into her life. She’s surprised to see him. They catch up on old times. He tells her he knows about Jerome. It’s not going to be a problem with their work relationship. They get started on the work. Knowing who Meredith’s new partner is makes Jerome very unhappy.

(Here’s where the story of Olga and her new love Dmitri number 1 comes in. They meet at a grand ball. They fall in love.

We learn of Rasputin, the spell he’s cast over the Czarina Alexandra, and of Alexei’s hemophilia.

Intrigue sets in when Dmitri 1 gets caught up in the plot to assassinate Rasputin. Alexandra has Dmitri banned from Russia, banned from the family and from ever seeing Olga again. At some point Olga receives a beautiful string of pearls from her mother. But she throws him back at her. She is so angry for banishing Dmitri. She won’t speak to her for a long time.)

At some point in the middle of shooting, Meredith meets the actor who plays Nicholas II. He tells her the script she’s written is a joy. It’s a joy and a privilege to be working with her.

Meredith’s self-confidence soars. It makes her very happy to hear she’s made someone on the set very happy with her work. And that her old flame is very happy with her work.

But Jerome is not. He has it out with the old flame. He accuses Meredith of being disloyal. He tries to sabotage their work while his world is starting to fall apart completely. He struggles to finish his filming when he realizes Meredith’s integral part in getting it done. He tries to sabotage Meredith’s new relationship with her old flame. It backfires on Jerome.

Meredith, so fed up with Jerome, finally asks him for a divorce. He fights it hard. Litigation.

(Here were learned about Olga’s final days with her family. The Romanovs are held as hostages at a military hospital where they work as nurses taking care of wounded soldiers. And Olga meets her friend, Valentina, who works there also as a nurse. They are young, pretty women. The war rages on. More soldiers come in. Too many. Olga hasn’t been a nurse for a while. She’s not cut out to be one. But they need extra hands. One, in particular, is badly wounded. Olga is assigned to care for him. It takes some days, but he is finally able to sit up, take in some food. He is healing. Olga, a romantic, falls for him. The young soldier takes full advantage. He wines and dines her, makes her believe he’s in love with her as well. She writes him love letters he shares with his soldier friends to laugh and ridicule her and the royal family. Olga learns of his unkindness. She will never forgive and never forget. She vows there will be no husband for her. She will never fall in love again and have her heart broken. But before too long, the family is taken hostage again and sent to a prisoners’ camp where they wait only a short time. In just days the Bolsheviks have overrun the Russian government, taken it over and they have come to execute the royal family. A young soldier finishes the job by tearing the St. Nicholas necklace Olga has worn and never taken off from her neck and pockets it as they escape.)

The film is finished, the final scene is gut wrenching. They are saddened by what happened to the royal family. Meredith tells her old flame what it was like writing the scene—for her it was like living with Jerome, knowing what he was doing, but never having the courage to stand up to him. She doesn’t know if she can forgive him. That remains to be seen.

The film finally debuts and it’s a hit, the critics love Meredith’s work. They nominate her script for best screenplay. Jerome’s film, however, is a flop. There are no audiences for it at the festivals.

Meredith wins her Oscar and all the kudos that come with it.

Jerome comes crawling back to Meredith. He tries to win her back. Meredith tells him no. It’s too late. She felt lie Olga all the while he was having affairs behind her back, and humiliating her in from of his crew. But that’s water under the bridge now. And she does forgive him. Alex has forgiven him, too. But never darken her doorstep again. It’s over. It’s finally over. And she free of him and everything he’s done to her. But unlike Olga, she lives to tell the tale.

The old flame is happy, content. He wants to work with Meredith again sometime. She agrees.

And then she is visited by the actor who played Nicholas in the movie. He has come to tell her of his joy and experience playing her character. He wants her to write his next script. He wants to hire her. And he asks her out to dinner—to discuss the details. She happily accepts both the job offer and the date.

[Wynona Bice-Stephens]

Bice-Stephens’ New Outline Beats!

2022 is my year to break through!

What I learned is how important it is the pieces fit together.

Baby Dearest Outline

Log line-How do you let go of something you’ve never had?

Concept-A deranged young woman kidnaps her way to motherhood to manipulate the ex who rejected her.

Surface Layer-Brandy and Alex are desperate to have their own families—Brandy because she lost hers and Alex because he never believed he had a real one.

Deeper Layer-Brandy and Alex are total opposites with the same goal.

Opening-Brandy wants a husband and baby. She is angry to the point of madness–takes a knife and slashes smiles off the pictures of couples she taped on her walls. Writes madly all night. When morning comes, there are wads of paper covering the floor and the walls are a wreck. She goes out trolling for a partner and runs into Alex.

Beginning-Alex crosses paths with Brandy, a person he barely remembers from high school. She acts like they were great friends, flirts with him, gives him her number, and wants him to call her.

Beginning-Brandy is very excited to see a former upperclassman, Alex, whom everyone idolized and she had a massive crush on. The timing is perfect—she’s looking for a guy to reel in. Suddenly she has a cheerful, bubbly personality.

New Plan-The stalking begins. Brandy isn’t going to let Alex out of her sight. It’s on! She cuts his pictures out of her well-bookmarked yearbook (every page he was on), and while putting the book away she finds news clippings from her mother’s death. Her father murdered her mother to get the insurance money and Brandy found her body when she was 15. Her mother is buried in Detroit but Brandy never accepts her demise. Brandy’s father remains in prison for life without parole. At least Brandy got the huge insurance payout.

Inciting Incident- Alex breaks up with his long-time girlfriend. He goes out just trying to have a good time, ends up spending a drunken night with Brandy. He passed out and doesn’t even remember having sex.

Inciting Incident-Brandy can’t believe she actually has the most popular guy in school in her bed! What a catch!

Inciting Incident-Brandy takes pictures of Alex while he’s sleeping nude. She’s not going to let go of the memories from this moment. And photos may come in handy if she needs leverage.

Turning Point 1- Alex and his girlfriend find out they’re pregnant. They get back together and he blocks all contact with Brandy.

Turning Point 1-Brandy is furious when Alex blocks her and she can’t reach him. She can’t cope with it.

Turning Point 1-Brandy refuses to let Alex ditch her for another woman, at any cost. She starts plotting revenge and a plan to capture him.

Act 2- Alex starts building a great life with his girlfriend. They plan their wedding. He’s so happy he’s going to have a “real” family like he always wanted.

Act 2-Brandy is going to get even with Alex for dumping her. She just lost her chance to get a new family to replace the one she lost.

Act 2-New Plan-Brandy connives a way to compete with Alex’s girlfriend. Otherwise, she may need to get rid of her completely.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint- Alex learns Brandy just had a baby boy and told his BFF he’s the only possible father. When his girlfriend accidently discovers this, she takes their new baby girl and goes back to her parents.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint-Brandy has been wearing progressively larger pregnancy pillows all winter to match Alex’s girlfriend’s growth month-by-month, as stalked on social media. To fulfill her fantasy, she kidnaps a baby in the spring, right after Alex’s baby daughter is born.

Turning Point 2/Midpoint-The kidnapped infant is a girl, so Brandy disguises her as a boy. She lightens the baby’s hair with bleach to match Alex’s baby picture. Brandy displays no conscience as she reads news headlines about the kidnapping and reward. She is delighted when her old, very Catholic neighbor lady dubs the little one “Baby Dearest” and gives him (her) a beautiful pastel blue rosary.

Act 3-Alex starts to visit his son at Brandy’s, like a dutiful father should. The baby doesn’t look a thing like him, and his heart’s not in it. He keeps passing out when he visits Brandy’s apartment, but he doesn’t know why. Brandy keeps trying unsuccessfully to seduce him.

Act 3-Brandy tries desperately to manipulate Alex into being with her and her baby son. He wants only his real girlfriend and baby daughter, which infuriates Brandy. She wants Alex to forget about them so she can replace them. Brandy ultimately drugs Alex and practices increasing the dose. If she can’t have him, she’s not going to let anyone else have him either.

Act 3-Rethink everything-Brandy is totally, batshit, certifiably crazy. There’s no way to know what she will do next. Her motus operandum is “Til death us do part”-on steroids!

New Plan-Brandy studies up on how to raise drugs from sedation levels to lethal overdose. She increases her drug supply. Brandy is going to do whatever it takes so that pesky girlfriend doesn’t keep Alex any longer.

Turning Point 3-Baby Dearest Jack gets very sick, poisoned from his (her) skin absorbing the hypochlorite in bleach that Brandy has been using to lighten the baby’s hair. Alex goes with Brandy to take Jack to the ER and is very surprised when Brandy can’t remember the baby’s birth date, birth weight, or hospital he was born in.

Turning Point 3-Brandy quickly dumps Alex and the baby at the ER when she realizes she’s about to get caught for her crime. She leaves Alex alone with his baby boy, but when the diaper comes off, the medical team soon surmise Jack is actually the kidnapped infant girl everyone’s been looking for.

Turning Point-Brandy realizes she has to disappear fast. She rushes to her apartment to grab her important belongings, including the dolls from the little cradles in the closet. They are revealed to be embryos in little jars, Mason and Macy, that she’s been carrying around and mothering.

Act 4/Climax-The authorities soon locate Alex. He is arrested for kidnapping, poisoning the baby, and breaking into Brandy’s apartment.

Act 4/Climax-Brandy acts all sane and innocent and lies her way out of everything. She makes Alex take the whole fall.

Act 4-Climax- Brandy destroys evidence of any crime, including the kidnapping headlines which she burns in the sink. She does grab her mother’s obituary on the way out.

Resolution-Alex sits helplessly in jail. An unknown lady lawyer comes to help him. It’s his biological mother. She reveals she was forced to give him up when she was a young clerk and became pregnant by a powerful judge, Alex’s biological and now deceased adoptive father.

Resolution-Brandy gets on a plane, heads to Detroit to see her mother. She does not acknowledge her death and can’t wait for her to meet Mason and Macy. Brandy starts flirting with the guy seated next to her. She has met her next victim.

[Joe Donato]

Joe’s new outline beats

My vision is to persevere and stay the course of building steady daily routine, and disciplines that produce consistent writing of exceptional quality. Ultimately, the fruit of those habits and disciplines will be a track record of great marketable scripts that will make other successful talented pros seek me out.

What I learned: I was watching the Duffer Brothers masterclass on masterclass.com last month, and they talked about how they would spend weeks on an outline, and because of that, the script was so easy and quick to write. I totally get that now and I am sensing that there is still more that can be, and will be, done to this outline over the next few assignments.

Lorenzo is once again fighting with the landlord of his pizza place. He accuses the landlord of overcharging him and not fixing things according to the lease specifications. Lorenzo calls him on what he calls his BS defenses. The landlord returns the hostility with Ralph Kramden-style warnings about eviction, etc. Lorenzo doesn’t even flinch.

Meanwhile, Emily learns that her business partner is bailing on her on the day of signing of the lease for their new off-broadway dance studio, Turns out she made the cut in a new show (Emily didn’t). In a sort of retaliation, Emily finds the first space she can in the suburbs above Lorenzo’s pizza shop. She tells the landlord she wants to sign that day, so please have the lease ready.

The suspiciously extra-friendly Landlord warns her about Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner and his main clientele: the punk teenagers that hang out in front of his store. She believes him and decides to steer clear of Lorenzo as much as possible.

Based on how Lorenzo has seen the landlord treat the past newbie entrepeneurs, he is sure the landlord will take advantage of Emily (financially, not sexually) but since she’s being so cold to him, he thinks she’s stuck up, so he doesn’t care. He figures she wont last long.

Turning Point 1: Elevator breaks down with one of Emily’s students in it, and another student cancels their lession because she has a phobia of rickety steps. The landlord leads her to believe it’s the fault of Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner. She believes him.

Turning Point 1: Emily confronts Lorenzo accusing him of negligence, but Lorenzo’s not having any of that! He tries to warn her about the Landlord: tells her what a liar he is, but she doesn’t believe him. They both think the other one is a threat to their business’ success in some way.

Emily’s studio is good for Lorenzo’s business ’cause her students eat at his place before and after classes. He just has to be careful he never tells them what he really thinks of their beloved teacher.

Lorenzo and Emily individually pour everything they got into making their seperate small businesses work while still avoiding each other. They are clearly masters of their craft. But there is also a void in their lives as they wholeheartedly make personal sacrifices for their studio on a daily level.

One day while overworked and undernourished, Emily falls when the railing gives out. Lorenzo helps her recover in his shop, where he feeds her a fresh batch of his special homemade soup, meeting two big neglected needs of hers; one physical (good food) and the other emotional (nurturing companionship) The subtext is thick with Emily’s denial of her new feelings. Lorenzo is smart, but he’s so used to praises for his food, so he doesn’t pick up on it (despite how obvious it is to the audience)

They agree to start to work together for the good of both their businesses. Lorenzo says to trust him that the landlord is the problem. She’s not sure who to trust, so is more skeptical, but is still going forward with Lorenzo’s plans. In her mind, she is “testing” both Lorenzo AND the landlord.

Act 2:

While each of them continue to deliver excellent product that attracts people, it becomes clear to each of them that that’s still not enough for a business to succeed. Emily is excellent with her promotional/marketing talents, but lacks basic business managment sense. Lorenzo is excellent at the nuts and bolts of a brick and mortar store and balancing budgets, but doesn’t know how to market himself. (a seperate scene for each of them)

All their customers start to see how they would be great for each other, but Lorenzo doesn’t see it and Emily is in denial about it.

Emily rises to Lorenzo’s challenge to revisit who’s fault the elevator is: Lorenzo or the Landlord. Emily does some sleuthing and Lorenzo is justified. Landlord is clearly defined as two-faced and is clearly the problem. They start to plan and plot on how to defend themselves and help each other out with their business needs.

Emily sees that Lorenzo was right about Landlord and admits it to him. Lorenzos feelings for Emily as a “partner” really blossom on several layers, but it also fuels Lorenzo’s fighting spirit and he’s ready to go on the offense for Emily’s sake.

Lorenzo realizes he’s got feelings for her, and is ready to confess his feelings for her. Since he’s got a lot of gifts with him, he takes the elevator, and gets stuck in it. While he’s stuck in there, the punk teenagers who are always loitering in the parking lot rob the store.

This makes him finally start to re-think his life and his devotion to this pizza place. He finally realizes how much of his happiness he’s been sacrificing for that place. He decides to let the pizza shop go but keeps it to himself.

She takes the elevator to warn Lorenzo and finds out that Lorenzo’s rich beloved uncle in Italy is dying, so he’s taking time off and go to visit the motherland and be with him for a few days. She gives him her blessing, but the subtext clearly communicates that she doesn’t want him to go.

Act 4: Its been 2 years since Emily moved in and a new owner is taking over Lorenzo’s. Landlord is pressuring Emily to sign a 5 year leasel; but she’ll have to pay for elevator expenses. He also tells her he’s evicted Lorenzo. (she doesn’t believe him)

After Lorenzo leaves, and a new owner takes over the pizza shop, the void is extremely apparent to Emily. She wants Lorenzo back and decides to track him down and try to convince him to come back and buy a building with her.

4th Act Climax:

Lorenzo has been in Italy several months now, living with his family. He’s happy, but still single, but there’s lots of options with local Italian women. He also has been discussing his dream of opening his own restaurant in Italy with his uncle being the main financier. But then, guess who shows up and wants him to return to America.

Emily tells him what its like without him. She spills her guts and confesses her love for him.

He debates going back to America, but instead, he convinces her to stay in Italy. Despite her devotion to her students, just once she allows herself this Cinderella fantasy and they get married and decide to live in Italy indefinitely.

It seems picaresque, but… no. Emily is still not happy, and Lorenzo can tell, even though they don’t say anything directly about it.

When the uncle dies, Lorenzo finds out that he put a clause in his will, that since Lorenzo chose to go back the girl instead of staying in Italy, he has inherited a boatload of cash. But it was only if he chose the girl. Good thing he did.

With all that money, they move back to America, buy the building from the disgruntled landlord, buy out the new pizza guy, refurbish and turn the downstairs into an upscale Italian trattorio. She works with him, but also rents the 2nd floor to other teachers and manages as the studio diva.

They convert the 3rd floor into an apartment with a dance floor and outdoor cooking area on the roof, where they vow that when they are up there together they cannot be doing business-related stuff; strictly personal.

[Alan Wood]

Alan’s New Outline Beats

My Vision:

I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.

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What I learned: This outlining process keeps getting better and better. I’m feeling confident that this will be the best screenplay I’ve written.

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Title: Ninja Burgers

Genre: Action/Comedy

Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.

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WORKING OUTLINE

Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.

Key:

PJ = Protagonist Journey

AJ = Antagonist Journey

Before Story Starts:

AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.

AJ 2: He is approached by EWD Consolidated Technologies (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.

AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is (to acquire the technology necessary to raise an army of super soldiers/AI bots to eventually take over the country and then the world) and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.

Genre: Action/Comedy

Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]

Opening:

PJ 1: Tiberius Truman (19) is late for work. Quickly drops off his sick father’s (Harry Truman) lunch and meds with a promise to bring him dinner and find a way to get his needed med refills that they can’t afford.

He rushes out the door to his bike. Takes off.

ACTION SET PIECE: We see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus.

Once at work: he’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. He’s depressed, but has a good heart.

He takes out the trash to the dumpster and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. Gives him some food.

We meet his best friend Hannibal Byrd. He wants to be YouTube/Pod Cast famous and needs Tiberius to be his camera and sound guy. Tiberius goes along but his heart isn’t in it.

AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. This is Shadow. He orders and sits in a booth to eat. Sets a case on his tray. Plays with his phone, chuckling at Tic Tocs as he eats.

Tiberius mentions to his best friend that his life goal is to either open his own fast food restaurant or to be a ninja. Hannibal reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. They check that with another employee, Gary Huang but Gary doesn’t give a shit and isn’t bothered by him wanting to be a ninja. Tiberius takes this as justification for his dream and then Hannibal reminds him that Gary is Chinese not Japanese so why would it bother him.

Shadow finishes his meal. Sips his huge drink. Laughs at Tic Tocs. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman nods and waves him off. He forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray. Tiberius tosses the trash as his boss yells at him to do the freezer floor. Shadow leaves the restaurant, still locked in on his phone.

AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, Crypto’s henchman Shadow loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the EWD Consolidated Technologies executive board.

Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.

Inciting Incident:

It’s later, Tiberius on his hands and knees in the freezer, scraping ice off the floor, freezing. Boss pokes his head in, orders him to take out the trash and go home. No overtime!

Tiberius gathers the trash in the kitchen and subtly pockets several burgers and a couple apple pies, then heads out with the trash saying goodnight.

PJ 2: As he tosses the trash bag into the dumpster, the bag tears and all of its contents spill out to the ground. Old homeless guy offers to help clean up. Tiberius spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He and the homeless guy discuss how much he could get for it? Should he take it into the lost and found? This could pay for his dad’s meds if he gets enough for it. They decide they should try to sell it. Tiberius offers it to the homeless guy but he refuses it. Tiberius slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. This freaks both of them out.

Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.

Deeper Layer Hint: ACTION SET PIECE: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him.

When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.

He goes in to give his dad the dinner of stolen burgers and apple pies and says he may have a way to get some money for his meds. Not to worry. Dad says mom would have been proud of him, maybe?

AJ ?: We see Crypto giving Shadow hell for losing the bracelet, maybe he’s at home in his study chewing out a hologram of Shadow. Busts up his office, tries to hit the hologram with a fireplace poker etc. Then has to assure his wife Clarissa that all is okay. Deeper Layer : We see Crypto has a loving wife that he cares deeply for and that his job is killing him. He takes pills and glances at a photo of a tropical island with a hammock stretched between two palm trees.

Turning Point:

Tiberius meets up with Hannibal to do a YouTube video. Again, Tiberius goes along with his friends wild plans of stardom so he doesn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him. “Do you have to go to college to open a business?”

PJ 6: ACTION SET PIECE: From out of nowhere black SUVs pull up, men in black jump out, throw a hood over Tiberius’ head, zip tie his hands, inject him with something that knocks him out after he busts the first set of ties, (it’s a vicious struggle) but eventually they subdue Tiberius and toss him into the truck, snatch Hannibal’s phone (he was filming everything) etc away. The trucks pull away leaving Hannibal stunned.

Deeper Layer Hint: Untrained Tiberius was tough to subdue!

They pull off his hood. Tiberius finds himself in a cement room with one iron, vault-like door and no windows. Cameras in all four corners protected behind small iron cages. He is iron shackled to a thick steel chair that is bolted to the floor at the arms, wrists, neck, waist, thighs, calves, and ankles. He has an IV in his arm. Seems a bit woozy but fully conscious.

Addison Grant watches a video of the abduction and shakes her head. “Why didn’t you trank him from a distance?” “He’s just a doughy kid. We didn’t think…” “No, you didn’t, did you? The SUV body work is coming out of your paycheck.” Addison is in charge. Boss Bitch. She goes in and talks to Tiberius. She explains what he has on his wrist and makes him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.

Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.

Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.

Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]

New Plan:

PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments. Tiberius demands someone take care of his father.

NEED TO FIGURE OUT WHO IS TAKING CARE OF DAD. Maybe a men in black detail? That could be funny. “Who’s going to clean the house? Am I supposed to live in a pig stye you heartless assholes? Shots of MIB washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets.

He is given the code name Custer.

Plan in Action:

PJ 8: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here.

Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington. Yes, they have super sex.

Shadow sneaks into the training facility.

Deeper Layer Hint: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.

Deeper Layer: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.

AJ 6: (Not Scene) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.

Midpoint Turning Point:

PJ 9: The entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.

Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.

Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]

Rethink Everything:

PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..

Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.

Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.

New Plan:

PJ 11: Tiberius goes to his best friend Hannibal for help. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I.

Together they come up with a plan to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.

Build in stealth type set pieces here. Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.

Turning Point:

PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.

Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!

Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:

PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) (Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.)

and…

PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.

AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.

Resolution:

PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)

AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island. Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.

[Paul Dees]

Paul Dees’ Beat Sheet Draft 2

My Vision: I am a writer/director/producer that writes and makes films of all kinds, and I am recognized by the industry as both a highly successful filmmaker and as a person that’s easy to work with.

What I learned from this assignment is how to put together a beat sheet based on an initial structure, character journeys, story layers and genre conventions.

Genre: Action/Thriller

ACT 1: Terrorist Attacks Start to Occur

Rick PJ 1: Special Agent Rick O’Brien and his partner try to rescue a hostage, and both the hostage and his partner are killed

Rick PJ 2: Six months later, Rick is at home, sequestered away from his family.

DEEPER LAYER: Rick blames himself for what happened and is battling soul crushing depression.

INCITING INCIDENT: A woman plants a bomb in a skyscraper. He face shimmers after the bomb goes off, and mask falls to the ground. She runs off, with no memory of what she just did. Rick is summoned by his boss to investigate the incident, along with Special Agent Sean Gray.

Sean AJ 1: Sean prepares a video message that he sends to the FBI, where his image is blurred, and he states in a disguised voice why the bombings are happening, and that there will be more to come.

Rick PJ 3: Rick investigates the crime scene. He finds evidence of what type of bomb was used.

Sean AJ 2: Sean investigates the crime scene along with Rick. He finds the mask on the street, where it fell off the woman’s face.

DEEPER LAYER: Rick has no idea that he’s working alongside the man who caused the explosion.

Sean AJ 3: Sean thanks Rick for his help and wishes him well.

Rick PJ 4: Rick goes home and starts to open up a bit to his family.

TURNING POINT 1: Two more attacks much like the first one occur. Rick’s boss reactivates him as now they’re dealing with a serial terrorist.

ACT 2:

Rick and Sean go after the mastermind behind the bombings.

Rick PJ 4: Rick arrives at the field office to see what leads there are if any. He is once again assigned to partner up with Sean Gray.

Sean AJ 4: Sean sends a second video message to the FBI that he and Rick watch, in which he gloats over the bombings, and states that there will be even more coming, and in greater numbers.

Sean AJ 5: Sean analyzes the mask he found at the first crime scene and discovers that it can control the mind of the person who wears it.

DEEPER LAYER: No one but Sean knows that he’s covering his tracks by being the one to “figure out” how the mask works.

Rick PJ 5: Rick finds more evidence of the same type of bomb that was used in the previous attack.

Sean AJ 6: Sean is invaluable in helping figure out how the masks found at each scene connect to the bombings. He also plants evidence at each scene unbeknownst to Rick, which Rick finds, and it helps build a case against the wrong man.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Rick and Sean tie the bombings to a former terrorist who used similar materials for his bombs. He shoots at Sean when they go to arrest him, and Rick pushes him out of the way just in time, saving his life in the process. The bombings cease for a time.

Rick PJ 6: Rick invites Sean to dinner with his family.

Sean AJ 7: Sean, who is single, accepts and brings dessert.

DEEPER LAYER: Rick has saved the life of the man they’re trying to bring to justice and has also brought a wolf in sheep’s clothing to meet his family.

ACT 3:

Rick and Sean learn they caught the wrong man.

Sean AJ 8: Sean sends another video message, telling the FBI that they caught the wrong man, and that there will be a whole slew of bombings coming up, and that there’s nothing they can do to stop them.

Rick PJ 7: Rick alerts all FBI field offices to this latest threat.

DEEPER LAYER: Rick starts to spiral downhill emotionally, and withdraws back into his shell, as feelings of inadequacy and depression over their failed attempt to capture the terrorist threaten to overwhelm him.

TURNING POINT 3: Five more cities are bombed.

Rick PJ 7: Rick resigns from the FBI and goes home. He opens up to his wife about how he’ll never be able to make things right, due to too many people dying under his watch. She tells him the way to make things right is to press forward until the terrorist is caught.

Sean AJ 9: Sean is equally upset about the latest bombings and berates the bureau about not catching who’s behind them.

DEEPER LAYER: Rick opens up to his wife about how he’ll never be able to make things right, due to too many people dying under his watch. She tells him the way to make things right is to press forward until the terrorist is caught.

ACT 4: Rick figures it out

Climax / Ultimate Expression of the Conflict

Rick PJ 7: Rick puts the pieces together and discovers that Sean is the bomber.

Sean AJ 9: Rick confronts Sean at the office, and he tells Rick he did it, so that the FBI would have some hands on training on how to stop terrorist attacks, as opposed to just going through the motions with some pre-planned exercise. He goes on to say that even though people have died from his scenarios, many more people will be saved once the FBI is able to spot and prevent them from happening. Rick tries to arrest Sean, they fight, and Sean gains the upper hand. He tells Rick normally he’d just kill him, but since he saved his life earlier in the case, he’ll let him live. His wife though won’t be so fortunate. Sean knocks Rick out and activates all of the masks and timers on the bombs he sent his new group of helpers, and they all get in their cars with bombs in tow, their timers counting down.

Sean AJ 10: Sean stops off at Rick’s house, carrying a package. He puts it on the doorstep, and then rings the doorbell. Rick’s wife comes to the door, and she and Sean talk for a moment. Sean points out the package on the doorstep, and she takes it inside. Sean drives away. Rick’s wife opens the package and pulls out a mask. A light shines in her eyes, and an audible voice tells her to put it on. She complies, and her face changes so that she looks like someone else. The voice then instructs her to pull a bomb out of the package and to head to a downtown, where she’ll receive further instructions. Rick’s wife puts the bomb in her purse, the timer activates, and she drives away.

Resolution

Rick PJ 8: Rick puts all agents on the lookout for Sean, as he jumps in his car and drives off. Rick pulls up to his house and runs inside. His wife is nowhere to be found. Sean is spotted by a pair of agents, and they call Rick, who runs to his car and joins in the chase. Meanwhile, Rick’s wife gets to the building her mask has instructed her to go to, and she goes inside. Sean is run off the road, by the other agents in front of a mall. He gets out of his car and a gunfight ensues, and Sean ends up shooting both agents, and runs in to the mall. Rick pulls up and checks on the agents, who are both wounded, but alive. They tell Rick where Sean ran off to, and Rick runs into the mall. He finds Sean and pursues him on foot. Rick’s wife takes an elevator to the 25^th floor.

Sean AJ 11: Sean makes his way to the roof of the mall, with Rick close behind. Rick’s wife plants the bomb in a utility closet. The timer has only five minutes left before it goes off. The voice coming from her mask tells her to remain of the 25^th floor. She stands in the hallway and looks at her phone. Sean’s helpers in the other cities he’s sent his packages to plant their bombs as well, the timers on each of them have just minutes left.

Rick PJ 9: Rick and Sean fight and Rick overpowers him. Sean pulls out his phone and then throws it over the side of the building. Rick knocks Sean unconscious and goes over to the edge. The phone is on a walkway about eight feet down. Rick drops down to the walkway and picks it up. But just as he goes to open up the app to stop the timers on the bombs, Sean grabs his wrist, and they struggle. There’s only 20 seconds left on each bomb’s timer. Rick gets the upper hand, throws Sean off the walkway, and he plunges to his death. There’s five seconds left on the timer. Rick opens the app that will stop the bombs’ timers, and they all stop with one second left. The masks on each of Sean’s helpers including Rick’s wife, start shimmering and fall off, revealing their true identities, and they all stand where they’re at, without any recollection of what happened. The nightmare is over, and the country is safe once more. Rick is awarded the Presidential Freedom medal by the President of the United States and is promoted to field office supervisor.

The Deeper layer

Surface Layer: Special Agent Rick
O’Brien and his new partner Sean Gray, are assigned to find and bring the
mastermind behind terrorist attacks occurring through the country to
justice.

· Deeper Layer: The deeper layer is that Sean Gray is the terrorist.

· Major Reveal: The big reveal is at the end of the story, when Rick figures out Sean is the one behind the terrorist attacks.

· Influences Surface Story: Sean helps Rick with their investigation on the surface, but in reality, he’s always leading them away just enough, to prevent Rick from connecting the dots back to him.

· Hints: Sean is always the first to investigate one of the bombing sites, due to them being up on the 20^th floor of a skyscraper, and Rick hates heights. This gives Sean ample time to plant or alter evidence so that it points away from him being the bomber.

· Changes Reality: When it’s revealed that Sean is the bomber, we the story shift from two dedicate FBI agents trying to bring a madman to justice, to it really being one agent trying to save lives while the bomber was working alongside him the whole time.

Genre Conventions: Thriller

Purpose: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and

suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.

Life and Death Situations: They face danger at every step — either

physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger

or there is the implication of future danger.

Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: There’s a mystery that must be solved in

order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.

Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.

Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero

Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy

anyone who gets in their way.

Main Emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,

uncertainty, and surprise.

[Nancy Meyer]

Module 4: Lesson #4

My Vision: To create a polished portfolio and do whatever it takes to get a manager, and then sell multiple TV and or feature scripts.

What I learned doing this assignment is that searching for logic jumps helps to round out what the ploy points may need to make the story believeable.

** indicates new beats added into the outline.

Act 1: Freya’s search for her life’s purpose sends her fleeing home to an uninhabited island.

Surface Layer: Freya is troubled by her platonic marriage.

Deeper Layer: Freya escapes to give herself time to think… What’s her purpose? Is her husband her soulmate?

Freya PJ1: Still reeling from a miscarriage and her failure to commit to her husband/marriage, Freya fights with her husband. Falls back to the old pattern of work to fill her void.

** Freya reveals (in therapy) that she is relieved that she is no longer pregnant

Inciting Incident: Husband gives her an ultimatum, commit to relationship or he’ll leave her.

** Freya PJ2: Freya is passed over for a big assignment

Freya PJ3: Freya meets boss to pitch for a more fulfilling story, but is refused.

** Freya is interviewed for a story about the death of her media mogul boss. Story reference’s his island and the sordid history of “murder”.

** Townspeople discuss the future of the island now that media mogul boss owner is dead. Express hopes that tourism will resume

Noah AJ1: While in town, Noah sees a picture of Freya (when interviewed), she’s wearing the one of a kind amulet that once belonged to Lisbeth. He also overhears “treasure hunters” discussing the presence of fortune hidden on the island he is protecting.

Noah AJ2: Noah sends an old travel brochure to Freya’s address.

Deeper Layer: Noah recognizes Freya as the reincarnation of his past love, Lisbeth and hopes to draw her to the island to be sure.

Freya PJ4: Freya gets an opportunity to write a series of travel articles/blogs about an uninhabited island (once a famous tourism site until the death of Lisbeth, 30 years prior but Freya does not know this yet.)

** Establish Freya is a city slicker with zero skills for living alone on deserted island

** Establish Freya/husbands relationship based on friendship, now hanging on thread

Freya PJ5: Freya tells her husband she’s leaving for a career opportunity. Her husband gives her one week to return, or he leaves.

Hints: Freya has dreams of drowning and we believe this is due to a childhood fear of water… but in fact, they are dreams of how she died in her past life.

Turning Point 1: As she’s ferried to island, Freya learns about the legend of the island, she has an unexplainable drive to solve their mystery.

** There is no indication that a caretaker lives on the island.

** Noah watches her disembark from the shadows.

Act 2: Freya dives into her assignment, but digs deeper into exploring the cold case.

** Freya struggles with having spotty internet, living so close to water, no water pressure in the cottage, etc.

** Freya falls into depression, questions her abilities to write, stay on island

** Freya fights with husband from stress and his “I told you so attitude”

** Noah wears “caretaker” clothing

** The dreams Freya has about her past are so life like, audience questions whether they are dreams or Freya’s reality

Noah AJ3: Noah spies/stalks Freya. Tries to scare her off the island before she learns the truth > who she is and the truth about the murder

Freya PJ6: As Freya stumbles about adjusting to being alone/non-city life, a series of events (created by Noah) occur and she begins to question her reality.

Deeper Layer: Freya has nightly dreams that continue to build clues to the truth > she is the reincarnation of Lisbeth.

** possible beat here in flashback of the home, lived in and in its heyday

** Noah keeps protective watch over something that is buried beneath the house

Freya PJ7: Freya discovers the deserted home that once belonged to Lisbeth and Lars. She breaks in.

Noah AJ 4: Noah stalks Freya as she explores the house.

HInts: When Noah is alone, and we see the world from his perspective, his surroundings are what they once were (30 years ago), but Freya sees them as they are now – dusty, unkempt with furniture covered in sheets.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Freya learns the truth about Lisbeth’s death, she uncovers the stories Noah has been collecting. Noah confronts Freya in the house, lies to her about who he is.

Noah AJ 5: Noah tells her to leave the island.

** snippets of weather reports in the background days before Freya arrives on island

Act 3: Freya digs in. But a deadly storm is headed their way and she can’t leave.

Freya PJ8: Freya begins piecing together why Lisbeth was murdered and by who.

Noah AJ6: Reveals who she is – Lisbeth.

Discovery: As Freya gains his trust, he shares the details of Lisbeth’s death. These details match what Freya has been dreaming. Freya shares her dreams with Noah, they match what she has learned about Lisbeth’s death.

** to rid dreams, Freya undergoes past-life regression therapy

Freya PJ 9: Befriends Noah, uses him for info. There is an unexplainable soul connection between them.

** Freya pitches the new story to her boss, indicating this investigative piece will make her career. She emails notes to boss.

** Husband gives final ultimatum to Freya to return home in 2 days

Noah AJ7: Forces Freya to delete her notes, he doesn’t want her to complete the story because then he would leave her >> she is his love from the past.

** a previous beat where Freya attempts to get closer to water, tinker with a defunct boat left on land

Freya PJ10: Afraid for her life, Freya tries to escape. She’s hit from behind.

Turning Point 3: Freya wakes up tied to her bed as the waters rise from the impending storm outside her door. Her story, and semblance of a shot of a story that could launch her career, is shattered.

Deeper Layer: Because he is a soul, Noah knows Freya is the reincarnation of Lisbeth… but it is unclear how much she remembers. He tries to deter her from looking within and remembering the truth… in case her memory will implicate him.

** internet is out, landlines are out, no electricity – Freya can’t reach husband to ask him to wait

Act 4: A deadly storm is approaching the island, no one is able to come rescue Freya. She has to use a different tact, convincing Noah to help her escape.

Freya PJ 11: Freya convinces Noah that Lisbeth loved him, and so does she. Attempts to win him over. Uses investigative skills to learn more about the real story of why Lisbeth was killed.

Reveal/discovery: (Lisbeth’s husband hired killers, and framed Noah/Caretaker for the murder so that he could claim ownership to the family fortune and money buried in the basement of the family home).

4th Act Climax: Lisbeth & Noah set out for the mainland together. Noah realizes Freya knows the truth about the murders. He tries to kill her but they both go overboard.

Noah AJ8: As a spirit, Noah crosses over fulfilling his purpose to help Freya find the will to live.

Resolution: Freya fights to survive, clinging to the boat. She has found her purpose > to tell the story about Lisbeth and reveal the bigger truth, that the media mogul that died at the beginning of the story was laundering money, hiding it on the island to evade the IRS. She fights to get her husband back. Discovers Noah was never alive in the first place. Montage of scenes where it is obvious Noah was a spirit all along.

[Erin Ziccarelli]

Erin Ziccarelli’s New Outline Beats!

Vision: I am going to create meaningful scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Process 3 is especially interesting – I like the idea of going both ways when evaluating a major event. I will use this process for end-of-act turning points to fill plot holes. This has been a wonderful exercise for me to map out my character journeys without other details/supporting characters “getting in the way.”

Genre: Drama

Act I: Alex inherits, goes to rehab, and is released on the condition that he becomes productive

Alex PJ1: 1973 Alex + the South End + Alex’s Uncle gambling.
Conflict introduced. <div>

Alex PJ2: Alex Donovan and Kitty Caden together
Deeper level: Alex expressing loyalty to his family,
then having a passionate love affair with a woman from a rival crime
family
Inciting incident: Alex is arrested the night of the
counterfeiting deal. The Brennans turned him in. Alex sacrifices himself and
goes to jail.

Deeper level: Alex’s loyalty still lies with his
family. He loves Kitty but still lives by the motto “family first.”

Alex PJ3: 20 years later, Alex is alone, in jail, and
has a dangerous cocaine habit. Fights Ted Brennan. Roger reveals his
inheritance of the Caden estate. Alex refuses the money.

Deeper level: Even twenty years later, Alex is still
living by the same motto. He’s been abandoned by the Donovans, yet he
still won’t give up on them.

Alex PJ4: Ted reveals Scarlett’s and dies, Alex investigates,
realizes it’s true
Scarlett

AJ1: Scarlett and Ted worked together, her
loyalties lie with the Brennans and Cadens (Alex’s nemesis).

Turning point 1: Alex accepts the inheritance and will
begin to turn his life around.

Alex PJ5: Alex’s journey through rehab, transition to
becoming productive, meeting Shaun and Jack, coming up with the business
plan.

Scarlett AJ2: Scarlett’s existence is tormenting Alex –
does she know? Does everyone know that he’s accepted Caden money?

Alex PJ6: Alex released (on conditions) and will go to
work on the business.

Deeper layer reveal: Alex’s first steps in “abandoning”
the family values – he’s accepted money from a Caden and has no intention
of going home. Is determined to make it without them.

Act II: Alex building a new support structure, separate from the Donovans

Alex PJ7: Alex starts up the business with Shaun and
Jack, learns about the conservatorship, sees Scarlett for the first time,
doesn’t take action. Instead, focuses on building camaraderie amongst his
team. </div>

Alex PJ8: Roger presses Alex, but he refuses to acknowledge
her as his daughter

<div>

Scarlett AJ3: Scarlett and Joe’s involvement with Richard
introduced
Deeper level: Scarlett is a younger/female version of Alex.
A window into his younger days. They’re so alike yet on different sides.

Alex PJ9: Alex crosses paths with his old friends, they
want him back, he refuses the offer, he hires Scarlett and gets to know
her a little better

Deeper level: Alex’s old sense of loyalty is turned on
his head – he’s building a new kind of family, spending time with a
Brennan, and rejects his family

Scarlett AJ4: Scarlett rejects Alex’s offer for help. This
job is solely for financial gain. Her focus is moving up within the
family, not Alex’s business.

Turning Point 2: Alex’s uncle dies, naming him “heir.” Alex
refuses. Will not go back.
Deeper layer reveal: Alex is now caught in the middle. He’s
alienated his old friends and family, and is still treading on a shaky
support system with his new team. Feeling alone and without support – a risky
feeling for him.

Act III: Alex fails on his own and rejoins the family.0

Alex PJ10: Alex connects with Scarlett, he wants to explain
about his past. His hard work on the business is showing some results. The
Doyles set fire to the business. </div><div>

Scarlett AJ5: Scarlett’s likeable side – she tries to
save Will. He was her hero. She is still unsuccessful and left completely devastated.

Deeper layer: The belief in self-sufficiency and
success is shattered. For Alex, through the business being burned. For
Scarlett, through Will’s death.

Alex: PJ11: Alex retains only one buyer. He
investigates the fire. Finds out it was his old friends.

Alex PJ12: Alex in the ruins of the business. Roger presses
him about Scarlett. Alex still won’t acknowledge she’s his daughter.

Scarlett AJ6: Scarlett back to her old ways. Spending time
with Joe, helping with the counterfeiting. Finds the truth from the DNA
match. Completely reverts to the old ways. Rejects Alex.

Alex PJ13: Alex falls back into his old habits.
Deeper layer reveal: Sense of betrayal for both
Scarlett and Alex. They can’t handle it and immediately run back to what was
once safe for them – the old family support structures.

Turning point 3: Alex and Scarlett both go back to
their old families. Accept their places as “heir.” They’re both in danger
but want to take that risk.

Act IV:

Scarlett AJ7: Scarlett responsible for Alex’s near
death. She is not on his side. Is betrayed by her own people and nearly
killed. </div>

Alex PJ14: Alex seals the deal for the South End. Confronted
by Roger. Roger reveals his identity – he was once a North Ender. Alex’s belief
that these support systems don’t work is reaffirmed. He must return to his
family, confront both sides, and reject the old ways.

Deeper layer: Scarlett and Alex have both learned that
last name isn’t everything. What makes a family is love, trust, and
support – it’s not a “working” relationship.

Alex PJ15: Final Showdown at the casino. Both sides
present. Alex confronts his worst fear and reveals Richard was responsible
for Kitty’s death.

Turning point 4: Richard turns the gun on himself. Alex
walks away, having avenged his lover, acknowledged Scarlett as his
daughter (to everyone), and will leave Boston.

Alex PJ16: Alex at the hospital. Waits by Scarlett’s
side. She wakes up and they are at peace.

Scarlett AJ8: Scarlett realizing that Alex was the only
one there for her. The beginning of them trusting each other.

Deeper layer: Scarlett and Alex have overcome their ties
to their old families. They will continue to be there for each other.
Finally at peace after years of feeling alone and abandoned.