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Day 5 Assignment
Reply to post your assignments.
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19 Replies
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Bob’s Character Story Beats
What I learned during this assignment was that each significant character needs his or her own story.
Logline: When a married couple undergoing training to recognize each other in future lives die prematurely, the reincarnated husband must convince his reincarnated wife she is his soulmate before she marries her fiancé in less than a week.
—————————-Character 1 Story Beats ———————————-
Character Name: Martin Cole/Jeff Ash
Role: Lead Male Character (Past & Reincarnated)
Core Character Traits
– Persistent leading to obsession
– Strong self-esteem/ego
– Romantic
– Determined
Character Subtext Logline: Martin/Jeff is a closet romantic who believes in soulmates despite his outward skepticism.
His Mission: To ensure he connects with his soulmate in all his lives.
Flaw: Martin/Jeff is overly sure of himself even if he may be wrong.
Want: To be married to his soulmate. Need: Release soulmate so she is free to choose him.
Beginning/Middle/End
Beginning: Martin engages Dr. Volger to train Amanda and Martin to recognize each other in future lives.
Middle: After being reincarnated as Jeff, he tries to convince Rebecca she is his reincarnated soulmate.
End: Jeff reconnects with Rebecca in the same location Martin and Amanda celebrated their anniversary.
Story Beats
1. Martin protects Amanda from being run over by a Thanksgiving Day parade float on their way to their anniversary brunch.
2. Martin celebrates his tenth anniversary with Amanda getting a sense of déjà vu from her gift.
3. Martin engages Dr. Volger to train Amanda and him to recognize each other in future lives
4. Martin participates in the training process.
5. Martin dies in an accident before the training is completed. (End of Act I)
6. Martin is reincarnated as Jeff.
7. Jeff meets Rebecca at her bachelorette party and is convinced she is his soulmate.
8. Jeff tracks down Rebecca and tells her she is his soulmate.
9. After being rebuked by Rebecca, Jeff acquires the gift Amanda gave Martin at a pawn shop and visualizes parts of his past life, including Dr. Volger.
10. Jeff locates Dr. Volger who, after hypnosis, recognizes Jeff as Martin.
11. With the assistance of Dr. Volger, Jeff gathers evidence to prove to Rebecca that she is his soulmate.
12. Jeff confronts Rebecca with additional evidence and is again rejected.
13. Jeff’s friend Matt speculates that Jeff must be in the right place to meet his soulmate but maybe it isn’t Rebecca.
14. Jeff meets Sally who tries to convince him that she is his actual soulmate.
15. Jeff tells Rebecca he won’t pursue her anymore and congratulates her on her upcoming wedding. (End of Act II)
16. Jeff learns that Sally is a fraud hired by Rebecca’s fiancé.
17. Jeff confronts Dr, Volger in order to find out where the wedding has been moved to.
18. Jeff races to stop the wedding but is too late. However, Rebecca has called it off.
19. Jeff returns to the diner where Martin and Amanda celebrated their anniversary.
20. Jeff is reunited with Rebecca (End of Movie)
Improvements
Beat 12 where Jeff releases Rebecca. This should be done out of his love for her and not because Sally has placed some doubt in his head. Jeff will decide that her life with her fiancé will be good and that she looks happy.
Beat 15 when Jeff gets to the church, a wedding may be going on but it’s not Rebecca marrying her fiancé; it’s Gwen.
——————————End Character 1———————————-
—————————- Character 2 Story Beats———————————-
Character Name: Amanda Cole/Rebecca Diamond (Past & Reincarnate)
Role: Lead female character.
Core Character Traits
– Strong
– Hopeful romantic
– Thoughtful
– Devoted
Character Subtext Logline: Amanda was happily married to her soulmate. Rebecca is hopeful she is marrying her soulmate but may be settling for a man with enough power and wealth to “tolerate” a strong, successful woman. She is not sure this is love.
Her Mission: To happily marry.
Flaw: Settling for good enough.
Want: Amanda/Rebecca wants to be happily married to her soulmate. Need: To find true love and not just marry.
Beginning/Middle/End
Beginning: Amanda believes in soulmates and participates in training for future life recognition.
Middle: After being reincarnated as Rebecca, she rejects Jeff as her soulmate.
End: A memory triggered by a Thanksgiving Day parade float causes her to call off her wedding and reunite with Jeff.
Story Beats
1. Amanda gets nearly run over by a Thanksgiving Day parade float; Martin saves her.
2. Amanda celebrates her tenth anniversary with Martin and speculates on past lives.
3. Amanda participates in training as specified by Dr. Volger.
4. Amanda questions the wisdom of messing with destiny.
5. Amanda dies in an accident before the training is complete. (End of Act I)
6. Rebecca (Amanda reincarnate) meets Jeff during her bachelorette party.
7. Rebecca speculates that Jeff is cute when watching a YouTube video of her party with her friend, Gwen.
8. Rebecca gets a gift from her fiancé that was first admired by Amanda.
9. Rebecca agrees to have coffee with Jeff.
10. Rebecca rejects Jeff as her soulmate and tells Jeff she is getting married in a few days.
11. Rebecca is confronted by Jeff with “proof of a prior life” and forcefully rejects him.
12. Rebecca meets some of Martin’s and Amanda’s past life friends and fails to feel any recognition.
13. Rebecca asks her fiancé if he is her soulmate.
14. Rebecca meets Amanda’s mother but there is still no recognition.
15. Rebecca asks fiancé to meet with Dr. Volger.
16. Rebecca and fiancé leave Dr. Volger’s office before meeting him. She wants to trust that her fiancé is her soulmate.
17. Rebecca goes to rehearsal dinner at the place Amanda used to work.
18. Rebecca sees Jeff as she leaves the rehearsal dinner. Jeff tells her he won’t pursue her anymore and congratulates her on the upcoming wedding (End of Act II)
19. When spending the night before the wedding at Gwen’s apartment, Rebecca discusses how romantic Jeff’s idea of soulmates is.
20. On her way to her wedding on Thanksgiving Day, Rebecca is almost run over by a float. This triggers her past life memory.
21. Rebecca comes to the diner where Jeff is sitting and repeats a line from the Martin and Amanda scene in the diner. She is reunited with Jeff. (End of Movie)
Improvements
In beat 7, the interaction between Gwen and Rebecca should include a hint that Gwen would like to get together with Rebecca’s fiancé but wouldn’t do anything to her best friend. This will set the stage to allow Gwen and Rebecca’s fiancé to get together later.
In beat 9, Rebecca agrees to have coffee with Jeff. This scene can be moved to a courtroom where Rebecca, a lawyer, is getting a restraining order for a client. This can become a concern for Jeff.
——————————End Character 2———————————-
—————————- Character 3 Story Beats———————————-
Character Name: Dr. William Volger
Role: Psychiatrist who trains couples to meet in future incarnations.
Core Character Traits
– Intelligent
– Polite
– Dedicated to his work above anything else
– A bit eccentric
Character subtext logline: Volger is a stodgy professor type dedicated to his career and the prestige it may one day bring him.
His Mission: To be the most eminent practitioner of far-eastern procedures regarding reincarnation and past and future lives.
Something he doesn’t want others to know about himself: He will sacrifice his clients’ privacy if it benefits his research.
Something unique: He always wears a bowtie.
Beginning/Middle/End
Beginning: Dr. Volger trains Martin and Amanda to recognize each other in future lives.
Middle: Dr. Volger first assists Jeff and then conspires against him in Jeff’s pursuit of Rebecca.
End: Dr. Volger ultimately helps Jeff locate where Rebecca’s wedding is to take place.
Story Beats
1. Dr. Volger meets Martin and Amanda, explains the training process, and takes them on as clients.
2. Dr. Volger hypnotizes Martin and Amanda and teaches them to meditate on totems. (Last appearance in Act I)
3. Dr. Volger meets Jeff and, after hypnosis, recognizes him as Martin.
4. Dr. Volger provides additional information to Jeff regarding Martin and Amanda. (Last appearance in Act II)
5. Jeff confronts Dr. Volger and accuses him of working with Rebecca’s fiancé to prevent Jeff from breaking up the planned wedding.
6. Dr. Volger hypnotizes Jeff and progresses him so he can see where the wedding is being held. (Last appearance in movie)
Improvement
Somewhere within these beats, Dr. Volger will reveal that he was unable to connect with his own soulmate and it is why he has been drawn to this work.
——————————End Character 3———————————-
—————————- Character 4 Story Beats———————————-
Character name: Gwen Stewart
Role: Rebecca’s maid of honor and best friend.
Core Character Traits:
– Protective (to the point of being over-protective)
– Independent
– Good listener
– Realistic
Flaw: Projecting her inner feelings on others which leads to (often) wrong assumptions about their motivations.
Character Subtext Logline: Gwen is a strong woman who believes she intimidates most men and will therefore never have a proper relationship.
Her Mission: To see to it that Rebecca marries her fiancé and run interference against Jeff.
Her World View: Most men are pigs and need to be defended against.
Beginning/Middle/End
Beginning: Gwen throws Rebecca a bachelorette party.
Middle: Gwen stands as guardian of the gate to discourage Jeff’s advances.
End: Gwen steps in and prevents Rebecca from being hit by a float allowing Rebecca’s memories to manifest.
Story Beats
1. Gwen arrives with Rebecca for a bachelorette party at the bar where Rebecca meets Jeff.
2. Gwen separates Rebecca from Jeff at the bachelorette party.
3. Gwen shows Rebecca a YouTube video of the bachelorette party featuring Jeff.
4. Gwen talks to Rebecca about getting cold feet. Gwen offers to threaten Jeff.
5. Gwen sees Jeff as a stalker outside the rehearsal dinner.
6. Gwen and Rebecca talk about soulmates and Jeff’s notion
7. Gwen prevents Rebecca from being hit by a float.
Improvement
Have Gwen be a big fan of Rebecca’s fiancé. Gwen sees men as generally worthless but admires Rebecca’s fiancé. When Rebecca and her fiancé breakup, Gwen steps in and marries him. This would be Beat 8 and would complete her story.
——————————End Character 4———————————-
—————————- Character 5 Story Beats———————————-
Character Name: Ken Rivers
Role: Rebecca Diamond’s fiancé.
Core Character Traits
– Needy
– Deals with things indirectly rather than head-on
– Manipulative
– Awkward with women
Character Subtext Logline: Ken is a wealthy entrepreneur who feels he needs to win Rebecca to boost his self-esteem.
Flaw: Seeing almost everyone as out to get something from him.
His Mission: To marry Rebecca.
His World View: Nobody likes him for who he is but people tolerate him because of his wealth.
Want: To win the battle for Rebecca. Need: To develop self-esteem without the need for an external prize.
Beginning/Middle/End
Beginning: Ken is engaged to be married to Rebecca on Thanksgiving.
Middle: Ken conspires to prevent Jeff from interfering with his wedding.
End: Ken is left at the altar.
Story Beats
1. Ken discusses the bachelorette party with Rebecca; gives her a gift that was one of Amanda’s favorite paintings.
2. Ken discusses soulmates with Rebecca.
3. Ken makes love with Rebecca; agrees to do something silly.
4. Ken and Rebecca wait to discuss soulmates with Dr. Volger but leave before Dr. Volger is available. Ken takes a business card.
5. Ken rents the Museum of Modern Art for the rehearsal dinner.
6. Ken directly confronts Jeff outside the museum.
7. Ken is left at the altar as Jeff arrives.
Improvement
Sprinkle hints throughout of Ken’s attraction to Gwen. In beat 7, Ken will be at altar with bride when Jeff arrives – but it is Gwen, not Rebecca.
——————————End Character 5———————————-
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Dear Robert,
I like how you added hints that Ken likes Gwen and has a surprise at the end where it is Gwen with Ken.
The character traits you chose for these five characters are well-chosen and help make your screenplay interconnected.
You are doing great!
…Joan Edwards
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Janeen’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is I had thought of many of these things, but hadn’t included them in the script or they had been buried there. Now I have a checklist for improvements to ensure they get in.
Nick:
Core Character Traits:
Leader – expects to be obeyed, not questioned
Kind
Selfless
Doesn’t trust his senses
Character Subtext Logline: It’s better to die yourself than watch someone else die. That’s not selflessness, it’s survival without guilt.
Want/Need: Wants love/Needs to believe in himself before he’ll feel worthy
Character Arc: Goes from Mall Santa and dog sitter to SS agent. From trusting only his dog to determine reality to trusting himself.
Life Metaphor/Identity: It’s better to die yourself than watch someone else die. That’s not selflessness, it’s survival without guilt
Nick’s story:
Beginning: Nick is a loner, working as a mall Santa, but is never sure if he’s in the moment or back in the war.
Middle: Nick sees Ivy, his dream girl, and rescues the parents, unsure of what is going on, but trusting no one, not even the parents.
End: Nick has learned to trust the parents, Ivy and himself.
Nick’s Beats:
1. Nick rescues the parents, trusts no one. Treats the parents like helpless oldsters. <div>
2. Nick tries to go it alone using the resources he has — the pet sitting place, money in his go bag, Grizzly, military skills, driving skills, etc.
3. Nick is caught at the rest area, can’t figure out why, but manages to get away.
4. Nick finds out the radio he kept, that Grizzly peed on, had a built in tracker, but didn’t notice the one on his car. Realizes he is not doing well at this “go it alone” stuff.
5. Trusts Grizzly to check out his Aunt’s house, but doesn’t realize Grizzly likes and already knows Ivy.
6. Fights with Ivy without hurting her because he’s not sure if she’s real. He thought she was dead.
7. Finds out Ivy is not trustworthy either since she still has her cell phone. Believes she has a good heart, though, or maybe it’s just attraction.
8. Finds out Rudy and Holly have skills he didn’t know about. Starts to treat them like allies instead of helpless.
9. Trusts and counts on Ivy, Rudy and Holly during final fight, but loses Grizzly.
Grizzly is alive and all is well.Improvements: #7 above could be better. Perhaps she trusts him implicitly because Holly and Rudy told her she could and she likes him, and so he tries trusting her and finds that he can. Need a scene where that becomes explicitly true.
Ivy:
Core Character Traits:
Not detail oriented
Wary of Men
Doggedly dutiful
Sarcastic
Character Subtext Logline: Ivy is not very detail oriented and she knows how bad that makes her at her job.
Want/Need: Want: To be a respected professional / Need: to be competent
World View: If anyone is trying to get to the parents, it’s her job to get them out of the way — by arrest or death, it makes no difference
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She’s haphazard in doing research and attending to details.
Ivy’s Story:
Beginning: Ivy is a solid Secret Service agent, but has lapses in attention to detail that have made the parents wary of her reliability.
Middle: When she didn’t check out Dasher and his men, she put the parents in jeopardy. She’d rather die than have anything happen to them because she couldn’t live with herself if anything happened to the people in her care.
End: She completely trusts Nick who knows her weakness and forgives her for it.
Ivy’s Beats:
1. Ivy takes out a would be attacker of the parents without missing a beat. </div><div>
2. Ivy feels like a little kid when the parents try to fix her up. They treat her like a kid.
3. Ivy likes Nick, but trusts Joy more than herself because Joy is thorough. When Joy says he’s okay, she’s fine with him.
4. Ivy tracks Nick like a champ and puts a tracker on his car.
5. Ivy helps Nick at the truck stop by disabling Dasher’s SUV.
6. Ivy checks on the parents, trusts Nick, warns him about the FBI radio and retrieves her tracker.
7. Ivy checks out the house before the parents and Nick arrive.
8. Ivy tries not to hurt Nick or be hurt by him while trying to convince him she’s alive and well.
9. Ivy follows Nick’s lead.
Ivy and Nick’s no-nonsense work style is complementary.10. Ivy falls for Nick.
Improvement: Ivy needs to challenge Nick sometimes and carry the day so we know it’s a marriage of equals — they catch each other’s mistakes and respect each other.
Dasher:
Core Character Traits:
Pompous
Immoral
Gullible
Selfish
Character Subtext Logline: If it gets me respect, I’ll do it no matter who the respect comes from
Mission/Agenda: Kidnap for a terrorist group, earn their respect and the admiration of the FBI for such a clever con
What makes this character unique? He’s clueless that he’s dealing with people who are smarter than him in the terrorist group and the parents’ party.
Improvement: Dasher may expect compliance with his every order while his men make fun of him and frequently disobey. — Gives a little more keystone cops element to their work.
Dasher’s Story:
Beginning: Thinks he’s smarter than the Secret Service and the thugs he’s hired.
Middle: Fails spectacularly at every turn, doesn’t realize he has an assassin on his team
End: Beaten by the bad guys, the good guys and his own guys.
Dasher’s Beats:
1. Dasher meets up with the parents and Ivy at the mall. </div><div>
2. Orchestrates the attack, gets beaten.
3. Goes after Nick, thinks he has him trapped by his two vehicles, loses him when Nick outsmarts him.
4. Follows his own FBI radio that Nick took to catch up with him at the Service Plaza, but again, fails spectacularly.
5. Uses Ivy’s phone to see where they will be going next.
6. Gets the drop on Ivy while Nick is out of the house.
7. Gets the drop on Nick when he comes back.
8. Gets left behind by Nick and Ivy when he goes to get food with 2 of the thugs.
9. Convinces the FBI to let him do a house by house search and goes public with it so they will help him find Nick.
10. Is taken out of the action by Blitzenkreig, but not killed, because he is such a screw-up.
Improvement:
I haven’t specifically added 4, 6, 8, and 10 to the script. I will do so.
Rudy:
Core Character Traits:
Complainer
Caring
Perceptive
Cagey
Character Subtext Logline: I’m proud of my son, the President, but I’ve still got my own life to live
Want/Need: Want: The old excitement of the CIA job / Need: Love and respect of those around him.
World View: There are a lot of bad guys out there. You have to be on the lookout all the time.
What makes this character unique? His grumpy user interface
Rudy’s Story:
Beginning: Retired CIA who misses the excitement and has little influence left at the bureau because all his buds are retired too.
Middle: Like’s Nick’s take charge attitude and is glad Ivy survived.
End: Gets to play a few tricks on the bad guys just like old times. Actually saves the day a few times which makes him feel really good.
Rudy’s Beats:
1. Calling in a favor to find out about Nick, but not expecting the favor to be performed. </div><div>
2. Surprised and impressed by Nick.
3. Finds Nick can be manipulated by repetition of demands
4. Wants to save his dignity at the Service Plaza bathroom.
5. Wants to save Nick’s dignity at the abandoned farm.
6. Wants to help with the action, but knows he can’t fight successfully so finds his repetition of demands helps to get them loose when Dasher ties them up.
7. Has some ideas for booby traps and weapons when they are improvising things before the big battle.
8. Helps during the big battle where he can.
9. Gets Nick’s respect as a fighter and ally.
Improvement: Numbers 3, 5, 6, 7 and 8 are not clear in the script at this point and will be punched up/added as necessary.
Holly:
Core Character Traits:
Sharp tongued
Intelligent
Flighty
Independent
Character Subtext Logline: Everyone should find the person that will love them no matter what their past or flaws.
Mission/Agenda: Find Ivy someone to love and support her in her job even with her flaws
Secret: She did CIA wet work early in her career, but left it for wet diapers
What makes this character unique? Her surprising skills with guns and other weapons.
Holly’s Story:
Beginning: Holly flits from topic to topic, person to person, in the hallway and at the mall, matchmaking for Ivy.
Middle: Holly grows to like and respect Nick faster than anyone and decides she has to get Nick and Ivy together.
End: Holly gets her wish, Nick and Ivy are together.
Holly’s Beats:
1. Holly overtly tries to find out about Nick and get Ivy together with him. </div><div>
2. Holly is delighted it is Nick who rescues them at the mall, but sorry that Ivy is dead.
3. Holly is delighted when Ivy shows up at the abandoned farm.
4. Her plans for Nick and Ivy are revived.
5. Holly has a few tricks up her sleeve when it comes to getting them all loose from Dasher and his men in the first house.
6. Holly knows how to get a secret message from her son to them — the childhood dog’s name.
7. Holly finds Nick’s gun in his go bag with only one bullet.
8. Holly fires the gun to save Ivy by taking out Blitzenkreig.
9. Holly explains her wet work.
10. Holly finds ways to let Ivy and Nick be alone together.
11. Holly asks her son to keep Nick and Ivy together on their security team.
Improvement: Numbers 2, 3, and 5-10 are not clear in the script. They will be highlighted/added.
</div>
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Dear Janeen,
I like the character traits you chose for your five major characters. They feed off each other in conflict and in ways to get along. Superb.
I got confused about Ivy…Is she alive or is she dead?
I would appreciate it if you would read my character story beats about The Perfect Couple and tell me what you think.
Sincerely,
Joan Edwards
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Thanks for the feedback, Joan. Ivy is alive, but presumed dead by the hero and parents until a little after the midpoint. 🙂
I’ll take a look at yours and send feedback.
Janeen
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Dear Janeen,
You are welcome. I’m glad Ivy is alive! Hurray!
Thanks for explaining that they don’t know until later.
Good luck. You’re doing great.
Joan Edwards
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What I learned: When writing I usually go with the first idea that I get. This taught me maybe to pause and do more brainstorming early on to get a better first draft. Helpful to pull out beats and look at each character’s story in a linear fashion.
Alexandra “Alex” Hughes
Role: Female Protagonist
Core Character Traits: Alcoholic, Dysfunctional, has trouble connecting with people.
Character Subtext logline: I wish it was me that died in the accident.
Beginning: Alex is stressed out by her murder trial and the ghost following her.
Middle: Alex makes peace with Shea, but losses her job and Cassie.
End: Alex saves her sister and Shea’s brother, and wins the murder trial.
1. Alex’s dream of falling off the cliff and being rescued by Shea.
2. Alex tell therapist about struggle with seeing the dead girl.
3. Alex and her lawyer look at the problems besetting the case.
4. Alex is confronted on street about murdering Shea.
5. Alex visits her sister who was badly injured in crash and faces fallout from family.
Act 1
6. Alex’s roommate Lola tries to cheer Alex up but makes is so much worse.
7. Alex finds Shea in her bedroom and attempts to confront her but she disappears.
8. In Alex’s nightmare, the horrors of her fathers’ death intertwine with Shea’s.
9. Alex wakes up sweaty and shaky.
10. Alex goes into work and is warned she is about to get canned.
11. Alex’s boss tells her she is on leave until trial is over.
12. Alex waits to make sure Cassie is picked up from school.
13. Shea visits Alex in the bathroom, and Alex tells her to back off.
14. Alex takes Groceries to Jax and finds him in bed with a woman doing drugs which she films on her phone.
15. Alex discovers Cassie can see Shea.
16. Alex drops Cassie off at Frank’s so she and Shea can check on Joyce.
17. Alex and Shea follow Joyce and her boyfriend to a house party.
18. Alex confronts Joyce and get shoved in pool.
19. Alex and Shea dry off in car.
20. Alex goes to pick up Cassie , Frank tells her Jax picked her up.
21. Alex goes to Jax apartment and finds that Jax has decamped with Cassie.
End of Act 2
22. Alex has a breakdown in kitchen and banishes Shea.
23. Accident reconstructionist clears Alex
24. Shea tells Alex she knows where Cassie is, then disappears.
25. In Nightclub, Alex learns about Joyce’s past, Shea arrives with bad news.
26. Alex and Shea rush to Sammie, Guardian blocks entrance.
27.Guardian leaves, Alex gets call that Evie is fading.
28.Guardian explains society of caretakers
29. Closing arguments
30. Reporters hound alex after the verdict
1. Flashback to accident with Shrink.
2. Alex at hospital with Cassie and Jax, shea reassures her.
3. Alex takes Cassie to see her mom in the hospital.
4. Cassie lays down with her mom. And Eve speaks for the first time.
5. The Guardian tells alex and shea they are on trial with the council.
Beats to be elevated: longer opening with Shrink- need empathy from her distress, more likeability even though she is complicated.
Last beat: More info on “trial” and make it binge-able!
Shea MacKenna
Role: Child actress Alex accidentally kills.
Core Character Traits: Loving, Loyal, Determined
Character Subtext Logline: I won’t abandon my family even in death
Want/Need: to save Sammie from the babysitter
What makes her unique: She is a ghost that can only be seen by Alex and Shea.
Shea
Beginning: Shea tries to contact family but the only person who can see her is Alex.
Middle: Shea fights to get Alex’s attention and save Sammie.
End: Shea is transformed by her selfless act.
Alex’s dream of falling off the cliff and being rescued by Shea
1. Alex tell therapist about struggle with seeing the dead girl.
2. Alex finds Shea in her bedroom and attempts to confront her but she disappears.
3. In Alex’s nightmare, the horrors of her fathers’ death intertwine with Shea’s.
4. Shea visits Alex in the bathroom, and Alex tells her to back off.
5. Evie is about to die, and Alex begs Shea to do something.
6. Shea gets her Guardian and they save Evie. Shea finally reveals that she wants Alex’s help to save her brother from Joyce.
Alex discovers Cassie can see Shea
7. Alex and Shea follow Joyce and her boyfriend to a house party.
8. Alex and Shea dry off in car.
9. Alex has a breakdown in kitchen and banishes Shea.
10. Shea tells Alex she knows where Cassie is, then disappears.
11. In Nightclub, Alex learns about Joyce’s past, Shea arrives with bad news.
12. Alex and Shea rush to Sammie, Guardian blocks entrance.
13. Guardian explains society of caretakers. Shea and Alex want in. Sammie saved.
14. Mrs Mackenna swallows pills, Shea can’t stop her.
15. Shea alerts Patrick
16. The Guardian tells alex and shea they are on trial with the council.
Elevated Beats: Shea can’t get anyone’s attention but Alex’s. Make clear!
How is Shea transformed by her selfless act?
How is shrink able to see the Accident at the end? Is there a better way to present that?
LOLA
Role: Alex’s roommate and friend
Core Character Traits: Driven to overcome childhood trauma, Smart-Ass, Softie
Character Subtext line: Overachieving will fix me
Flaw: Ignoring her trauma
Want/Need: Escape her past
Beginning: Lola tries to cheer up Alex and makes it worse.
Middle: Lola in love with Jake, helps Alex with Joyce mystery.
End: Breaks up with Jake, comforts Tasha after miscarriage.
1. Alex’s roommate Lola tries to cheer Alex up but makes it so much worse.
2. Lola interviewing a blind date.
3. Jake and Lola having sex
4. Lola comes home, helps Alex identify POI
5. Lola’s sister sneaks in, asks for money and help at home
6. Lola pours lasagna over Jake.
7. Lola visits Tasha who blames herself for miscarriage.
Elevated beats: clear up connection with Lola, Trent and Tasha. Have Lola actively try to bring them together? Why, what stake does she have in it? Break up with Jake more spectacularly.
Guardian
Role: Shea’s guardian angel.
Core Character Traits: tries hard to stick to rules, but a softie. Loving, hilarious ala Kevin Hart.
Character subtext line: I will break the rules for you, even though I will be punished.
Beginning: saves Eve (why)
Middle: saves Sammie
End: Tells of trial before Society
1. Shea gets her Guardian and they save Evie. Shea finally reveals that she wants Alex’s help to save her brother from Joyce.
2. Alex and Shea rush to Sammie, Guardian blocks entrance.
3. Joyce is frozen with a knife by Sammie. Guardian leaves, Alex gets call that Evie is fading.
4. Guardian whispers in Patrick’s ear
5. Guardian explains society of caretakers. Shea and Alex want in.
Elevated beats: Make clear why he Is with Shea, why is he helping her? More details on Society.
JAX
Role: Evie’s boyfriend and father to Cassie
Core Character Traits: Drug abuser, an abusive boyfriend, tries to be a good dad
Character Subtext line: I know what is best for my daughter.
Beginning: Disses Alex and Keeps Cassie from her.
Middle: After botching Cassie’s protection, he takes off with Cassie.
End: Realizing she is better off without him, he relinquishes Cassie to Alex.
· visits her sister who was badly injured in the crash and faces fallout from family.
· Alex waits to make sure Cassie is picked up from school.
· Alex takes Cassie home to find Jax passed out on the couch.
· Alex takes Groceries to Jax and finds him in bed with a woman doing drugs which she films on her phone.
· Jax is following Alex.
· Alex goes to pick up Cassie, Frank tells her Jax picked her up.
· Alex goes to Jax’s apartment and finds that Jax has decamped with Cassie.
· Cassie wants Mommie
· Jax discovers Cassie on the floor
· Alex at the hospital with Cassie and Jax.
Beats to be elevated:
Better Jax – cousin interaction- more meaningful and intense.
Jax in bed with a woman???
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Character:
Hedgewood is fired from her job and then finds her footing with a business of her own before finding love and a huge dream of ending homelessness.
Her Beats
-fired and losing her home in same day.
-Job interview on Einsteins porch hours later
-Shes a human cleaning dynamo
-Starting a business
-generous with neighbors and friens
-Jensday at the beach
-Love does it again
-Big and better dream
-Party for the homeless
-Disney proposal
-Maui wedding
*made big changes to the love does it again scenes with a larger than life dream of joining all their business startups into one huge business for the homeless.
This assignment has got my mind really going and thinking of things I never had any inkling of before.
I added a new twist with the passing of Einsteins wife, came out of nowhere. I did this assignment for all main characters.
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REWRITE – DAY #5
RAE’S CHARACTER STORY BEATS
PROTAGONIST:
CHARACTER PROFILE: BEGINNING, MIDDLE, END
PROTAGONIST:
Give their full story.
Do actions intertwine with the main story characters?
Is this character’s story interesting?
Tell each character’s story from their point of view:
PROTAGONIST: JESI
BEGINNING:
Jesi lives with her father Jackson because she feels safe with him. Estranged most of her life from an alcoholic mother, she was and still is her father’s daughter.
Adopting her father’s traits she works with him in construction, learns to love his music, and dabbles in residential real estate sales. All the while she would rather be pounding nails.
She’s a tomboy, also very girly, as comfortable in coveralls as in a business suit and high heels. Whatever the job, she loves to experiment with hair and make-up. But when her father Jackson dies in a freak accident and this upends her life, forcing her to choose the more lucrative arena of commercial real estate to save the family home and pay the mounting bills.
Surgeon Gerard Leblanc, consoles Jesi at her father’s bedside, comforts her after he passes, takes care of the post death details. Her hugs her at the bedside, stays a little too long. As he drops her off in at the medical office he has A VISION. He and Jesi are in a field of light, a minister marrying them. He then tells his office manager, Mrs. Mehta, Jesi is the girl he will marry. He follows up with phone calls, sending flowers.
MIDDLE
Jesi employs a foreman to run Jackson’s construction company, jumps in and works on site when she can for her own therapy. She also slams head on into commercial real estate, in a bull pen with twenty or more cut -throat male agents, Henry Wu her main competitor. He warns her not to stay away from his clients and his turf. At first meeting there’s an obvious sexual energy between them.
Motivated by the medical and IRS debt, Jesi nails three sales in a row commanding everyone’s attention.
Gerard keeps on calling. There’s chemistry on both sides but she’s too busy to even date him. Finally, she agrees to coffee, and the next night a date. Gerard asks her to marry him. She wants the same, but the fallout from her dysfunctional mother, daughter childhood rears it’s head. She says “yes” then tells him she does not want children. They marry anyway, on a first date, but have to keep it secret or Jesi will be fired.
Four months on the job Jesi gains top producer which allows her to pay off a portion of her father’s debt. But she is missing family, wants what she had for a brief time with Gerard. Until she learns from Jason, Gerard has a seven-year-old son completely undisclosed. The marriage is called off.
END
They battle back and forth. Jesi becomes miserable, finally chooses love and peace. She meets Gerard’s boy Julian and soon embraces him. Then, even though she and Gerard consider their vows a solid marriage commitment, they go to City Hall for the license to make it legal and take Julian with them.
ANTAGONIST: HENRY
BEGINNING: Henry has severed all contact with his father, when asked, says he does not have one. Real estate is Henry’s life. Apart from Haiku as a recreation, he acts superior to fellow agents, especially “the newbie” Jesi. Though attracted to her, he draws a line. He currently gets more than half of Jason’s buyer seller leads and believes he has earned them.
MIDDLE: Henry steals Harold’s listing, refuses to share it with Jesi, which ignites competition. He sincerely likes her, even has a romantic interest, but when she innocently steals his clients, he threatens to expose her as an unexperienced, rookie sales person.
END: When Jesi ends it with Gerard, Henry makes peace with her, tries romancing her, but overall Henry is too busy with his own needs and doesn’t need a woman. That is until Gizelle joins the office staff as Jesi’s new sales assistant. After their first date Henry is off running.
CONNECTING CHARACTER: HAROLD
BEGINNING: People take Harold exactly the way he is, likeable, grumpy, ruthlessly straight forward, glaringly honest. He does his best to keep the peace but don’t rub him the wrong way or you will definitely get his fury.
Jesi knows this, and when she doesn’t get the listing on Harold’s building, she waits, knowing Harold will make things right.
MIDDLE: After Jesi brings Harold the buyer for his building, Henry the listing agent, Harold makes it up her, introduces her to the “Good Old Boys,” a rather large bunch of property rich friends at The Alamitos Bay Yacht Club.” First night Jesi scores with two listing leads.
END: After his best friend Jackson dies, Harold becomes a father figure to Jesi. He sticks up for her when Henry hurls accusations that she stole his clients. He has her back; she his loyalty. He feels a sense of loss when Jesi legalizes her marriage and sje and Gerard sail away on their honeymoon to Catalina.
SUPPORTING CHARACTER FOR PROTAGONIST: GERARD
BEGINNING: Gerard is a lover, with more French in him than American. From day one he knows Jesi is the one he will marry, proves this when he marries her on their first date. But there’s a catch. She has a huge amount of debt to pay off and won’t go to City Hall for the license for fear of being fired.
MIDDLE: Gerard, a surgeon, a man of integrity, steps out of character when he withholds his seven-year-old son Julian from Jesi, for fear of losing her. When Jesi finds out about the boy from her broker Jason, she tells Gerard it’s over. Gerard is heartbroken but still pursues her.
END: Gerard knows the truth always works, apologizes for withholding his son, then removes Jesi’s medical debt from the books. He then tracks her down in the IRS parking lot and proposes again remembering his original vows. Later he shows up at her home with champagne, and the next day introduces her to Julian.
· Add here – another reasoning for the withhold – a fear from Gerard’s past.
SUPPORTING CHARACTER FOR ANTAGONIST: JASON
BEGINNING : Real estate is his life. Arrogant and obstinate, Jason runs his office with agent favoritism, and chauvinism. He won’t back down, only employs single women. but meets his match in Jesi when she threatens to expose him.
MIDDLE: He’s a tough manager/coach who has had great success with male agents but does not know how to handle the female opposite. Jesi pleads for buyer/seller leads that were initially promised to her as part of the job. Three months on the job he acquiesces and hands Jesi a buyer lead.
END: When he finds out Jesi is married he calls her on it. By now that she’s his top producer, and if he fires her he is the one who loses most. He also tells Jesi that he knows Gerard, reveals his secret, tells her about his son Julian, which has him come to Jesi’s rescue and right some of his wrongs.
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Day 5 Joan Edwards’ Elevate Your Characters’ Stories
What I learned doing this assignment is that the top five characters should have actions in Act 1, Act 2, and Act 3. Separating the beats and the character profile traits helps see the overall picture.
Protagonist- Fred Silverton
Name of Character: Fred Silverton Role: Husband of Alicia Silverman
Core Character Traits
-impulsive
-anxious
-honest
-competitive
Flaw: panics easily
Something Fred doesn’t want to admit about himself: He needs love and acceptance from Alicia.
Character Subtext Logline: Fred’s belief he is going to die makes him anxious and over react to his life situations.
Beginning Fred is unsure of himself and scared he is going to die.
Middle Fred realizes what it’s like to have no friends and no job.
End Fred chooses to help others. Realizes he loves Alicia and wants to be with her
Fred’s Beats
1.Fred drives he and his wife, ALICIA SILVERTON in his company car with Forever Realty sign on door to dance lessons at the Lind Ballroom Dance Studio in the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd.
2.Fred and Alicia dance the tango. They leave dance floor. Fred coughs, pants, and pulls his tie loose.When Alicia says Marvin is a barber, Fred says he’s a barber, too. Seeing Alicia enjoy being with Marvin makes Fred sick and he goes home.
3.Fred shares the money problem with Alicia. He doesn’t think she loves him anymore. When Fred offers to be the barber, she refuses and says he is too old.
4.Fred uses Aunt Polly’s Hair Growth Formula on his hair. More hair falls out. Sees father’ obituary and notices he died at 45, Fred’s age now.
5.Fred tries to outdo Carlos, Reggie, and Miguel at all the exercise machines at Joe Thomson’s gym. He is told Doctor told him to exercise but not to kill himself. When told he’d be thrown out if he had more contests with them, Fred walks out claiming Joe’s insurance is safe without him there.
6.Fred goes to Tenneco’s bar to see Dan to get divorce lawyer’s business card. Dan’s surrounded by women. Fred thinks a divorce will do the same for him. He is advised to pack his bags and be out before they serve the divorce papers. Thanks Dan for offering to let him stay in his apartment with him while waiting for divorce to be final.
7Fred goes to law office of Adam Finklestein and completes divorce papers. A jackhammer makes so much noise, he doesn’t hear that Adam thinks he wants the papers served on or after February 14. He fails to notice those dates on the papers when he signs them. Adam calls process server and says he can’t promise 3 days but promises he’ll call before he serves Alicia with the divorce papers.
8Fred is in Dr. Bill’s studio for announcement of The Perfect Couple. Fred receives cell phone call telling him that Alicia is going to be served the divorce papers in five minutes. After Fred and Alicia are announced as the winners. Rick Nance serves Alicia the divorce papers. Judges says they’ll wait 60 days. If their divorce goes through, the judges say that the prizes will go Susanna and Jake, as runners up.
Act 2
9Fred sits in his company car listening to the radio. His cell phone rings off the hook. He turns it off. Fred thinks that no one understands that he and Alicia are embers in a dying fire.
10At Jake’s Breakfast Restaurant. Fred tells Jake and Susanna that Alicia doesn’t love him anymore. He’s too old. Says he could die. Susanna points out that he could live to be 70 like his mother. Fred explains that sales are down. Turns down Jake’s part time job offer.
11Fred goes to TENNECO’S BAR – NIGHT Fred wears a hat. Money sticking out of his pockets. Dreams girls are all over him thinking he is hot stuff. In real life the Girls hit him and call him names for serving Alicia divorce papers. They tell him he’s hot and pour a pitcher of ice water down his shirt
12Fred wearing stylish gym clothes, on the lookout for dames, Fred swaggers into the gym. Walks with a lilt and feels great. Carlos, Reggie, and Miguel give him the cold treatment and move away from him no matter where he goes. Fred loses his temper and rants and raves. He asks does anyone care?
13Drives to Dan’s apartment. Dan defriends him and breaks his promise to let him stay there until Divorce is final.
14Fred sleeps in the car as his Mother’s already in bed.
15DREAM SEQUENCE
-People are lined up at the office to get an appointment with him to buy a house.
-Ten closings with different people who sign closing papers. -images of Fred getting money from ten different clients each time adding money to his pockets. Two shirt pockets. Two side pockets on his trousers. Four inside pockets on his suit jacket. And two outside pockets of his jacket.
-Show Fred with money dangling from every pocket.
16.Kaufman of Forever Realty fires Fred and tells him to turn in his company car and keys because he served Alicia divorce papers. Fred asks if he’d drop him off at his Mother’s house. Kaufmann says take the bus.
17 Fred’s mother, Cynthia Silverman disowns Fred and takes him out of her will. She pushes him out the door and throws his suitcase and briefcase out the front door.
18 Butler gives Fred his bike and a wad of dollar bills. Fred shivers, rides off, the bike wobbles from side to side. He notices stopped up drains, yards with little or no grass, trash cans overloaded or turned over. He hears landlord evicting family with three children for non-payment of rent. He stops in park an sits on bench and cries.
19 Fred parks his bike at the homeless shelter. Gets at the end of the very long line. Virgil, Man in front of him recognizes him from Dr. Bill’s show, tells him the only way to make it right is to beg her forgiveness on nationwide television. Tells him not to be like him, he lost his job, wife, and his children. Fred says you could get another job, couldn’t you. He says he never tried. Seeing you on television showed me how stupid I was. Fred says he’s going job hunting in the morning and asks Virgil to come. Fred offers to give him a shave and a haircut. Goes to front desk at homeless shelter and sets up to do shaves and haircuts for all the men who want it.
20TV news reporter videos Fred shaving and cutting hair on a live news cast. Asks people to donate ties, shirts, shoes, socks to help men prepare for interviews.
21Fred bikes and stops in front of billboard ad for Alicia’s remodeled salon. Allure Salon of the Stars – Has a picture of Marvin shaving one of big stars and his Mother saying it’s the salon of the stars. Fred takes out huge bottle of aspirin and takes one and drinks from bottle of water.
22Fred sees front page of newspaper in front of restaurant.
23Front Page of newspaper. Picture of Alicia, his Mother, and Marvin in front of the remodeled salon for the Grand Reopening. Fred takes aspirin.
24Couple meet Fred and Mr. Kaufman in front of Forever Realty claiming he sold them a house with termites. Gave them a copy of court papers where they are suing Fred and Forever Realty and interviewing on 65 minutes. Fred and Kaufman work together to solve problem.
25Leslie Starborough and Alicia. Alicia tells about injustice of Fred being accused of selling house with termites. Alicia shows pictures of real house that Fred sold them that has a warranty with the California Termite Company and a picture of the house the Stonewalls said Fred sold them.
26Fred discovers that Dan’s money is gone, that Dan never had a job. He got his money from winning the lottery. Sandra, a new waitress offers to help Fred get Dan home.
27Fred and Sandra get Dan into his apartment.
28Since Stonewalls case was thrown out, Kaufmann offers Fred his job back Fred tells Kaufmann about new venture to form Silverton realty for inexpensive homes.
29Dr. Benton gives Fred new prescription, tells him he’s always speaking for other people he needs to speak up for himself and decide who he wants to be with when he dies.
Act 3
30 Fred dresses in rat costume and begs Alicia to shred the divorce papers and renew their vows. He opened Silverman Realty to find reasonable priced places for people to live. He also set up The Silverman Trust Fund to provide food, clothing, and training for the homeless shelters in the Los Angeles area for men and women. Alicia apologizes for hiring the young guy that pushed him over the edge and for not noticing that he was afraid he was going to die. Dr. Bill calls and says that they have been declared the winners of the Perfect Couple. Fred and Alicia talk for a minute and tell him that they would like the money, instead of the Hawaii trip, and add it to the Trust Fund for the Homeless. Alicia gives her $1,000 prize earnings to the Trust fund for the homeless too.
31 Fred and Alicia dance the night away. They won’t dance with anyone else. They get real emotional and sex-driven when they do the tango. Alicia suggests they leave and go home where they can get more comfortable.
32 Alicia takes Fred’s hand and leads him down the hallway past the mirror to the bedroom. Fred smiles, winks and rubs his bald spot and his belly. He closes the bedroom door behind him gently.
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Select one part to improve each character’s story and make it more interesting or make it consistent with their character profile. Tell us what the improvement is.
Antagonist-Alicia Silverton
Name of Character: Alicia Silverman Role: Wife of Fred Silverman
Core Character Traits
-energetic
-determined
-ambitious
-wants justice
Flaw: poor money-manager
Something Alicia doesn’t want to admit about herself: That she is selfish.
Character Subtext Logline: Alicia hopes to make Fred jealous so he’ll give her the money she needs for her salon. I changed this from Alicia wanting to be popular at all costs to making Fred jealous. I thought that would make the relationship between them have more friction.
Beginning Alicia flirts with Marvin.
Middle Alicia Turns against Fred and won’t help him with money crisis
End Alicia tells Fred her true feelings for Fred.
Alicia’s beats
THE PERFECT COUPLE
Logline
“Will Fred be able to restore his marriage as The Perfect Couple when even his Mother disowns him when he serves his wife divorce papers on Dr. Bill’s Show on National Television on Valentine’s Day?”
Act 1
1 FRED and Alicia Silverton go to dance lessons at Linds Ballroom Dance Studio in the Roosevelt Hotel on Hollywood Blvd. Fred and Alicia dance the tango.
Marvin dances with Alicia. Alicia says that Marvin is a barber. Fred says he’s a barber, too. Alicia says Be serious.
2. Fred shares the money problem with Alicia. She complains because he’s not doing his half. Asks how she is supposed to pay her rent and buy new equipment for her salon? He states you don’t love me any more, do you? She ignores him. Alicia says a barber would help pay the rent. When Fred offers to be the barber, she says he is too old.
3. Fred and Alicia, Jake and Susanna are in Dr. Bill’s studio for the announcement of The Perfect Couple. Fred receives cell phone call telling him that Alicia is going to be served the divorce papers in five minutes. Dr. Bill announces Fred and Alicia as the winners. Rick Nance serves Alicia the divorce papers. Judges says they’ll wait 60 days. If their divorce goes through, the judges say that the prizes will go Susanna and Jake, as runners up.
Act 2
4. Margery, salon helper, tells Alicia that Fred’ll come back. Alicia says she didn’t know he was unhappy. We were the perfect couple. Margery suggests Alicia get a new project that she can do on her own. I know I’ll redesign the salon and rename it ALLURE HAIR STYLES FOR THE STARS. I’ll use the money in our joint savings account. I’ll teach Fred Silverman to divorce me. I’ll even use Fred’s opponent realtor Remington Home Sales. When times are tough, you take chances, especially, if it’s someone else’s money.
5. Renovation King Contractors representative tells Alicia she can reorganize your space more efficiently and have room for the new barber chair, too. You won’t need to buy another building or rent more space Alicia says I’m glad Remington Home Sales recommended you. Add a center row of comfortable chairs where people can sit and sip on wine or other beverage while waiting for appointments or socialize afterwards. Alicia will get a license to serve wine. Representative texts Alicia pictures of his remodel designs for other major salons in Los Angeles and will bring his designs for her salon on Monday.
Improvement You won’t need to buy another building or rent more space Alicia says I’m glad Remington Home Sales recommended you.
6. Remodeled Allure Salon of the Stars. Marvin gives man a shave in the new barber chair. Alicia thanks Margery for helping with the remodeling. Alicia says she misses Fred and that he is too afraid to talk to her and he doesn’t think she wants him before she’ll talk to him. Says she has an appointment with her lawyer.
7. Leslie Starborough and Alicia. Alicia tells about injustice of Fred being accused of selling house with termites. Alicia shows pictures of real house that Fred sold them that has a warranty with the California Termite Company and a picture of the house the Stonewalls said Fred sold them.
Act 3
8. Entrepreneurs for a Better Los Angeles (EBLA) Annual Banquet with awards for Outstanding Entrepreneur for the Year. Reporter interviews Alicia discovers she remodeled her salon an expanded her services. When the reporter cuts down Fred, Alicia storms off stage and runs into Fred in a rat costume. Fred begs Alicia to shred the divorce papers and renew their vows. He opened Silverman Realty to find reasonable priced places for people to live. He also set up The Silverman Trust Fund to provide food, clothing, and training for the homeless shelters
in the Los Angeles area for men and women. Alicia apologizes for hiring the young guy that pushed him over the edge and for not noticing that he was afraid he was going to die.
Dr. Bill calls and says that they have been declared the winners of the Perfect Couple. Fred and Alicia talk for a minute and tell him that they would like the money, instead of the Hawaii trip, and add it to the Trust Fund for the Homeless. Alicia gives her $1,000 prize earnings to the Trust fund for the homeless too.
9. Fred and Alicia dance the night away. They won’t dance with anyone else. They get real emotional and sex-driven when they do the tango. Alicia suggests they leave and go home where they can get more comfortable.
10. Alicia takes Fred’s hand and leads him down the hallway past the mirror to the bedroom. Fred smiles, winks and rubs his bald spot and his belly. He closes the bedroom door behind him gently.
Improvement: Added the Dance Lesson scene so it would be full circle. This time Fred and Alicia dance the night away together.
3. Connecting character- Margery Name of Character: Margery Walton Role: Alicia’s Assistant at Allure Salon
-loyal
-positive-minded
-romantic
-wise beyond years
Character Subtext Logline: Wants to help Alicia’s salon make more money so she can get a raise.
Flaw: habitually late
Something Margery doesn’t want to admit about herself is that she would like to get married.
At first I had she didn’t want to admit she disagreed with her boss, Alicia. I decided that it would be much harder for Margery to admit she wanted to get married.
Beginning Margery is assistant to Alicia at Allure Salon.
Middle Falls for Marvin.
End She is manager of Allure Salon. Marvin asks Margery to go to dance class with him..
List the beats of this character’s actions intertwining with the main story
Margery’s Beats
Act 2
1. Margery, salon helper, says Fred’ll come back. Alicia says she didn’t know he was unhappy. We were the perfect couple. Margery suggests Alicia get a new project that she can do on her own. I know I’ll redesign the salon and rename it ALLURE HAIR STYLES FOR THE STARS. I’ll use the money in our joint savings account. I’ll teach Fred Silverman to divorce me. I’ll even use Fred’s opponent realtor Remington Home Sales. When times are tough, you take chances, especially, if it’s someone else’s money.
2. Margery does hair while Renovation King Contractors representative is helping with redesigning..
3. Remodeled Allure Salon of the Stars. Marvin gives man a shave in the new barber chair. Alicia thanks Margery for helping with the remodeling. Margery listens to Alicia says she misses Fred and that he is too afraid to talk to her and he doesn’t think she wants him before she’ll talk to him. Says she has an appointment with her lawyer.
Act 3
4. Margery attends the banquet for Alicia and offers to do free hair styling for homeless women.
5. Improvement At Dance Lessons, Marvin brings Margery as his date at Dance Lessons leaving Fred and Alicia to dance the night away.
Supporting character for Protagonist-
Name of Character: Dan Jackson Role: Friend who Betrays Fred
Core Character Traits
-attention seeker
-impulsive
-feels unloved
-friendly
Character Subtext Logline: I am hurt. If I have girls all around me, I won’t feel the pain.
Flaw: heavy drinker
Something he doesn’t want to admit about himself is that he is loveable.
Character Subtext Logline: I am hurt. If I have girls all around me, I won’t feel the pain.
Beginning-Dan ays women to be his harem.
Middle – Dan has no more money. Gets drunk.
End – Dan decides to work with Sandra cleaning cars.
List the beats of this character’s actions intertwining with the main story
Dan’s Beats
Act 1
1Fred calls Dan.
2Dan pays three girls $50.00 each to sit around him and pretend that he is God’s Gift to the World. Fred asks to speak to Dan alone. Dan refuses, Alicia’s hired a young barber. She says I’m too old. Dan suggests a divorce and gives him his lawyer’s business card. Dan tells Fred to pack his bags so he’ll be out of house when they serve Alicia the divorce papers. Promises Fred can stay with him while he waits for divorce to be final.
Act 2
3Fred discovers that Dan never had a job. He won the lottery. And his money is gone now. I don’t have money to pay the girls. They are with other guys now. New waitress, Sandra hears Fred talk with Dan. When Bartender and bouncer say they can’t help, Sandra tells Fred she’ll help him get Dan home.
4Fred offers Dan a job as a chef helping homeless. Dan turns him down. Dan is so drunk Fred and Sandra struggle to get him up the steps. Fred digs in Dan’s pocket for key to apartment.
Dan almost falls but Sandra catches him. Fred opens the door.
5Fred and Sandra get Dan into bed. Sandra says she’ll check on Dan tomorrow. She tells him she doesn’t want his money. Dan is amazed and hugs his teddy bear.
Improvement: having Sandra help get Dan to his apartment and offer to check on him the next day without his paying her any money.
5. Supporting character for Antagonist-Marvin
Beginning – Marvin flirts with Alicia and cuts down Fred.
Middle – Realizes he likes Margery better.
End -Apologizes to Fred. Helps Fred and Alicia with homeless.
Marvin’s Beats
Act 1
1. Marvin dances with Alicia and makes fun of Fred and says he can’t win The Perfect Couple because he’s too old. announced on Valentine’s Day on Dr. Bill’s Show.
Act 2
2. Remodeled Allure Salon of the Stars. Marvin gives man a shave in the new barber chair. Alicia thanks Margery for helping with the remodeling. Alicia says she misses Fred and that he is too afraid to talk to her and he doesn’t think she wants him before she’ll talk to him. Says she has an appointment with her lawyer.
3. Fred sees billboard ad for Alicia’s remodeled salon. Allure Salon of the Stars – Has a picture of Marvin shaving one of big stars and his Mother saying it’s the salon of the stars. Fred takes out huge bottle of aspirin and takes one and drinks from bottle of water.
4. Front Page of newspaper. Picture of Alicia, his Mother, and Marvin in front of the remodeled salon for the Grand Reopening. Fred takes aspirin.
5. Marvin Attends banquet for Alicia. Marvin offers to give free shaves on Sundays for homeless. Marvin apologizes for things he said at dance lessons early on.
Improvement: Marvin apologizes for things he said at dance lessons early on.
Improvement At dance lessons, Marvin brings Margery as his partner and dances the night away with her leaving Alicia and Fred alone.
Thank you. I hope you’ll give me a few comments.
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Joan,
I like the “everyone” is happy at the end. It’s always good to wind up the secondary stories before the primary one and you definitely did that.
Is the name Silverton or Silverman? I thought I saw both above, but it could just be an autocorrect thing.
Janeen
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Dear Janeen,
Thanks for reading my Day 5.
Thank you for catching the Silverton/Silverman dispute. The name is supposed to be Silverton. However, I have friends with the name of Silverman and thus it got put in erroneously!
I’m glad you believe I cleared everything up and had a happy ending.
Good luck with your script. I’ll read other assignments to see the changes you make.
Sincerely,
Joan Edwards
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JOHNNY CULLEN’S CHARACTER STORY BEATS
What I learned about doing this project was that by going through each character’s betas you can really see where the gaps are in their contributions to the story. And by bringing them in where appropriate it really contributes to the tension and overall drama.
Logline: An insecure influencer competes with his estranged half-sister to win prize money in a video game tournament to save his crooked step-father from prison.
I changed as I went so all character profiles and beat sheets have been updated.
<hr>
Character Name: Diarmuid Ryan
Role: Protagonist/ Failed Influencer
Core Character Traits
– Deep Sense of Inadequacy
– Determined
– Attention seeking
– Insecure
Character Subtext Logline: Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperate for success.
His mission: desperately trying to win a video game competition to avoid custody of his half-sister.
Want: To be a successful influencer Need: Self-love/Unconditional Love – Sense of worth.
<hr>
Beginning – Diarmuid is a failed influencer desperately looking to grow his popularity.
Middle – Diamruid enlists with Maeve in a video game competition to avoid responsibility for her by saving their stepfather from prison. While also looking to garner popularity through twitch streamers.
End – Diarmuid learns to let go of external approval and sacrifices his ego for the sake of his sister.
<hr>
DIARMUID’S BEATS
Diarmuid as a 12-year-old meets Richard for the first time. He tells him he’s not good enough.
Diarmuid working out in the gym slams on the treadmill and embarrasses himself. We learn he’s a disgraced influencer.
Diarmuid gets an offer for a sports drink ad.
Diarmuid shows up and is humiliated/meets Kevin – a successful influencer who he tries to emulate.
He realizes it’s his half-sister’s birthday – purchases game from his Youth Emerald Fist.
Arrives at their birthday and realizes that Richard is being arrested.
In the garda station, Diarmuid is told he is Maeve’s legal guardian and must help Richard find the money or he will take custody of Maeve. /END OF ACT 1/
Diarmuid searches for ways to get money (loan/asking friends including Kevin/ and his mother)
Maeve enters them into the Emerald Fist competition – Diarmuids ecstatic.
Diarmuid and Maeve train together and learn combos
Diarmuid entered the competition and won the first round.
In the second round Maeve gets her period … Diarmuid struggles to play a parental role but tries his best.
Diarmuid notices Kevin is here endorsing the sports drink. Realizes that getting on Twitch stream will boost his career.
Diarmuid abandons Maeve in favor of the Twitch Stream. Alice returns to take Maeve.
Diarmuid notices Maeve is missing. Desperately looks for her.
Goes to Alice’s house and kidnaps her back.
Diarmuid and Alice are on a live stream – Twitch streamers notice something wrong
Diarmuid Learns Maeve is cheating and he takes the fall.
Richard has his day in court Diarmuid – rejected. Alice pays for it.
Diarmuid and Maeve start their own Twitch stream while looking after Richard.
<hr>
Character Name: Maeve Dunleavy
Role: Diarmuid’s Half-Sister
Core Character Traits
– Introverted
– Socially Awkward
– Affectionate
– Stubborn
– Clever and Tactical
Character Subtext Logline: Maeve wants to make sure Richard doesn’t go to jail.
His mission: Doesn’t want her father to go to jail otherwise she may live with her mother and her awful step siblings.
Want: To win the Emerald Fist competition Need: Parental and Sibling Love.
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Beginning – Maeve is at her birthday party as her father Richard gets arrested.
Middle – Maeve enlists with Diarmuid in a video game competition to save her father from prison. She must win at all costs – so she cheats.
End – Learns to love her siblings and family – starts a twitch stream with Diarmuid.
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MAEVE’S BEATS
Maeve is at her birthday party while her father gets arrested.
Maeve goes to the garda station and learns what is going on (her father is going to prison)
Maeve researches on her gamepad Emerald Fist competition and enters her and Diarmuid
Maeve trains with Diarmuid and she enjoys the bonding.
Maeve gets her period…she craves her mother…she texts her for support.
Maeve notices Diarmuid abandoning her. Alice comes to take her.
Maeve meets her new potentially family…she hates them.
Maeve gets a call from her father she learns to cheat. She researches how to cheat in Emerald Fist.
Maeve and Diarmuid end up winning but Maeve is caught out she’s terrified.
Maeve embraces Diarmuid and they have a strong connection
Maeve and Diarmuid start their own twitch stream.
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Character Name: Richard
Role: Diarmuid’s Step-Father/Maeve’s Father
Core Character Traits
– Sly
– Self Centered
– Desperate
– Delusional
Character Subtext Logline: Richard wants to prove that he is a rich wealthy man by any means necessary.
His mission: To avoid going to jail for fraud by getting Diarmuid to pay it for him.
Want: To keep custody of Maeve and avoid prison. Need: Admit his faults. Unconditional Love/Sense of worth.
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Beginning – Arrested at his daughter’s birthday for Fraud.
Middle – Richard learns the plan from Diarmuid. Terrified, he calls Maeve and informs her about the gamepad cheating technique.
End – Learns to accept his responsibility and his faults.
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RICHARD’S BEATS
Richard arrives at Diarmuid’s house with Alice when he’s a kid. Tells him he’s not good enough.
20 years later – Richard at his daughter’s birthday party gets arrested for Fraud.
Confronts Diarmuid and says he needs his help while also belittling him.
Diarmuid meets him to go through the plan. He cant believe it.
Richard calls Maeve and convinces her to cheat.
Watches the stream from his cell.
Goes to court to face his wrath – is saved by his ex-wife
Lives with Diarmuid and Maeve
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Character Name: Alice
Role: Diarmuid’s and Maeve’s Mother
Core Character Traits
– Outspoken
– Holistic
– Argumentative
– Craving affection
Character Subtext Logline: Alice wants to have a settled and happy love with someone who loves her.
Her mission: To get Maeve back into her custody
Want: Richard to go to jail and gain custody of Maeve. Need: Unconditional Love.
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Beginning – Introduces Richard to Diarmuid. Reminds Diarmuid of his sister’s birthday.
Middle – Takes her daughter out of the competition. Tries to retain custody of her with her new family.
End – Pays for the fine at the end.
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ALICE’s BEATS
Alice introduces her new boyfriend Richard to Diarmuid.
Alice texts Diarmuid to remind him of her daughters birthday
Alice receives a text from Maeve about her Period
Alice goes to Maeve, picks her up, and takes her home with her to her new family.
Alice returns to the live stream to see Maeve and Diarmuid (livid)
Alice pays the fine for Richard. Comforts Diarmuid and apologizes.
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Character Name: Kevin
Role: Successful Influencer (Diarmuid’s role model/old friend)
Core Character Traits
– False confidence
– Patronizing
– Values public opinion of him
– Vulnerable
Character Subtext Logline: Kevin wants to maintain his level of being a successful influencer.
His mission: To alienate himself from Diarmuid.
Want: To win Emerald Fist to boost his career. Need: Unconditional Love.
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Beginning – We see him as a successful spokesperson at the branded content shoot.
Middle – Taking part in the Emerald Fist competition as a sponsor for Zenergise.
End – Confronts Diarmuid and says he is ruining his reputation. Shows himself up.
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KEVIN’S BEATS
A successful spokesperson for Zenergise.
Diarmuid comes asking Kevin for money he refuses.
Attends the Emerald Fist competition for sponsorship and fame.
Scheduled to fight Diarmuid, ridicules him on the Twitch Stream behind his back.
Diarmuid cheats in their fight, confronts him.
Ridiculed by Diarmuid
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Pam’s Character Story Beats – TANGLED UP
Logline: When a top Hollywood hairstylist witnesses a murder, he’s relocated to rural Vermont and works incognito as a dog groomer to evade the dangerous hitman. In his faux world, he meets his soulmate — but can’t tell her who he really is.
– – – – – – – HENRI BERGER
Role in Story: Protagonist / Celebrity Hairstylist-turned-Dog Groomer
Core Traits: Ridiculously Vain, Materialistic, Witty, Talented, Loyal
Character Subtext Logline: Henri Berger hides his true identity out of fear — and changes where he lives, his name, and his occupation to evade the hitman.
Character Arc: In his faux world, he discovers what matters most to him — and becomes less Materialistic
World View: a good hairstyle is transformational
BEGINNING: Hollywood Hairstylist Henri witnesses a murder, and relocates for his safety
MIDDLE: He initially flops —then excels — in his new rural Vermont world working incognito as a dog groomer
END: Prefers his new life and new relationship. He decides to stay in VT, even after the Bad Guys are caught and he’s free to return to his old CA world.
Beats/Broad strokes:
1. When sent on a “hair product” errand, Henri witnesses the murder of one of the salon’s A-List clients, Bradley James
2. He’s chased by the hitman, runs for his life, and temporarily evades him.
3. A look into Henri’s “before” world. Rising star in a Celebrity hair salon, plans and attends celebrity fundraisers, part of the IT crowd
4. We see Henri with his grandfather who raised him, and with his best friend since childhood, Jared.
5. Henri identifies the hitman to Det. Stone & Ramirez: the notorious Charles McKay
6. Det. Stone sets Henri up in a salon in Vermont; fails to tell him that it’s a DOG salon.
7. Boards plane with his new Henry Shepherd identity and backstory
– – – –
8. Henri’s first days in the dog salon do not go well. His contact and confidante, Camden Parks, shows him the ropes (much to Henri’s dismay and disgust)
9.Henri meets Camden’s sister, Acadia, at the local dog shelter. He makes a foolish first impression.
10. Henri tries to discover the reason behind Bradley’s hit. Enlists the help of Jared back in CA, and asks him to look in on his Papy while he’s away.
11. Henri slowly gets more proficient with dog grooming, and has a few more casual encounters with Acadia. He’s looking less foolish.
12. Henri gets an emergency call from Acadia re: a rescue that’s in really bad shape
Henri does some research, heads to the shelter with his stylist kit, and is able to transform the dog, allowing his inner beauty to shine
13. Henri brings his newfound skills to the dog salon, and impresses even Camden, who posts lots of new photos and videos on Instagram
14. Henri and Acadia’s relationship grows stronger. Henri comes up with an idea for Doggie Adoption Fair, and they spend time working on it together.
16. But Henri needs more proof to connect Marc to the crime. He and Jared hatch a plan.
17. Meanwhile, Henri’s furry coiffures accidentally go viral, and his cover is blown
– – – – – –
18. Henri is told to leave town for his safety, but he’s tired of running. Stays to face the music.
19. He tries to tell Acadia the truth, but it’s too late
20. Showdown with MacKay and his bro Kyle at the Doggie Adoption Fair. Henri defeats both, who are arrested by Stone & Ramirez
21. Henri leaves for NYC for an even bigger showdown with Marc Riche at the International Hair Show
22. Henri confronts Marc, publicly humiliates him and then provides Det. Stone and Ramirez with the proof needed to connect him to the hit on Bradley
23. Henri is free to return to his old world, but doesn’t stay there very long.
24. Henri goes back to Vermont. Begs Acadia to forgive him (she does).
25. Adopts the mutt he transformed. Camden makes him his partner.
26. Henri drives away from the shelter with Acadia, their dogs, and his Papy (surprise).
– – – – – – – MARC RICHE
Role in Story: Owner of the Beverly Hills Marc Riche Salon
Core Traits: Narcissistic, Materialistic, Manipulative, Jealous, Homicidal
Character Subtext Logline: Marc is an insecure hairstylist who manipulates people around him to inflate and validate his own “superstar” status
Unique: his only true friend is his parrot, Chico, who always squawks his praises.
BEGINNING: Marc shows that he is Lord of the Salon / World of Hair.
MIDDLE: Marc makes a number of personal and professional adjustments after Bradley’s death and Henri’s relocation.
END: Marc is publicly humiliated at the International Hair Show, and arrested when Henri provides the proof needed to connect him to Bradley’s accidental death / intended hit of Henri
Beats/Broad Strokes:
1. Marc discovers that his name has been misspelled on a new shipment of his signature hair product. He raises Holy Hell and throws the case in the trash.
2. Marc subtly bests Henri in a number of ways.
3. Marc has secured a fresh supply of the hair product. He asks Henri to run some out to Bradley’s place.
4. Marc almost runs off the road when he learns of movie star Bradley James’ death.
5. Marc attends Bradley’s funeral, comforts Tiffany. He is watched by the hitman, Charles McKay.
6. Marc & assistant Trevor run the salon while Henri is away.
7. Marc volunteers to replace Henri as keynote speaker at the International Hair Show in NYC.
8. Marc is interrogated by police. Marc shares helpful info re: Tiffany (Bradley’s widow)’s ex-husband Conan and Stuart Drake, movie producer
9. Marc is stalked and threatened by the hitman
10. Marc prepares for the NYC show, leaves Trevor in charge of Chico and the phones.
11. Marc is surprised to see Henri. A major showdown transpires. Marc is arrested.
– – – – – – – DETECTIVE KURT STONE
Role in Story: Lead detective/Henri’s Liaison while in police custody
Core Traits: Confident, Old-Fashioned, Sarcastic, Secretive to Deceptive
Character Subtext Logline: Det. Stone keeps key crime info to himself, operates as a loner even though he has a partner
Flaw: He rarely lets people surprise him, thinks he has everyone figured out
Arc: Henri and Det. Ramirez both surprise him and earn his respect.
BEGINNING: Det. Stone relocates the key witness of movie star Bradley James for his protection.
MIDDLE: Det. Stone and his partner piece together clues re: the hit of Bradley James.
END: Det. Stone arrests the Bad Guys, with the help of Henri
Beats/Broad Strokes:
1. Det. Kurt Stone directs CSIs at movie star Bradley James’ murder scene.
2. Det. Stone and police sketch artist work with key witness Henri to identify the hitman.
3. Det. Stone sets up Henri into police protection, relocates him to Vermont and sets him up with Camden Parks, salon owner. He fails to tell Henri that the salon he will be working in is a DOG salon.
4. Stone warns Henri to trust only Camden — for everyone’s safety, no one can know where he’s hiding incognito with his new identity
5. Det. Stone checks in with Henri. He does not believe Henri can be of any help “working the case.”
6. Det. Stone and his partner (Ramirez) work the case, slowly making progress and updating their “crime board.”
7. Det. Stone tells Henri to leave Vermont when he learns his cover is blown. He heads to Vermont to deal with the Bad Guys.
8. Det. Stone arrests Bad Guys with the help of Henri.
9. Det. Stone is able to make the final arrest and close the case, with the help of Henri, who he now respects.
– – – – – – – ACADIA PARKS
Role in Story: Love Interest / Dog Shelter Manager / Camden’s Sister
Core Traits: Dog-Lover to Social Recluse, Guarded, Determined, Sentimental
Character Subtext Logline: Acadia is a relationship-averse woman who buries herself in the company of dogs to avoid being hurt again.
Character Arc: She slowly puts her trust in Henri
Mission/Agenda: Leave No Dog Behind. She’s committed to finding Forever Homes for all her shelter dogs.BEGINNING: Acadia surrounds herself 24-7 with dogs. She has been burned by men.
MIDDLE: She grows to trust her brother’s new assistant “Henry,” and falls for him.
END: She learns that most of what Henry has told her has been a lie — but forgives him after he grovels.
Beats/Broad Strokes:
1. Wherever she goes, Acadia bumps into dogs and the families she’s connected.
2. Acadia meets her brother Camden’s new assistant Henry— she thinks he’s a bit much.
3. Acadia gets to know Henry a little better; he’s not as bad as she thought.
4. Acadia has an emergency with a shelter dog whose fur is horribly matted. She turns to Henry for help, and is moved by the dog’s transformation.
5. Acadia invites Henri out to a picnic in the park, and brings her Yellow Lab Shane. along. In addition to having a lovely time, and she is impressed with Henri’s ideas for her Doggie Adoption Fair.
6. As they plan the Doggie Adoption Fair, Acadia grows closer to Henri and they fall in love.
7. Acadia chats briefly with Henry the morning of the fair, he says he has something urgent to tell her. Before he can blurt it out, she is distracted. She and Shane head towards one of the mascots dressed in a dog suit.
8. Acadia discovers the mascot is actually a thug who drags her and Shane off to a van, and ties them up.
9. Acadia is shocked to learn from the thug that her “Henry Shepherd” is really Henri Berger, and also frightened at being kidnapped.
10. Acadia is rescued by Henri. She is both relieved and very hurt that he has been lying to her. Despite his apologies and explanations, she wants nothing more to do with him as he leaves for NYC for the final showdown.
11. Acadia is surprised to see Henri back inside her dog shelter. He not only grovels, he adopts the dog that they transformed together.
12. Henri tells her he’s there to stay — Camden has made him a partner in the dog salon. He also introduces her to his Papy, who has joined him in Vermont.
13. Acadia sees that Henri is sincere in his commitment to her and his VT life.
14. Acadia forgives Henri, they all drive away happy.
– – – – – – – CAMDEN PARKS
Role in Story: Dog Salon Owner / Henri’s Contact & Confidante / Acadia’s Brother
Core Traits: Conservative, Trustworthy, Over-protective, Politically-Correct
Character Subtext Logline: Camden is an overly-conservative Dog Groomer who rejects new ideas to avoid failure
Arc: With Henri’s encouragement, he takes some chances in the salon (which brings him success)
BEGINNING: Camden agrees to help Henri live and work incognito in his dog salon.
He is the only one who knows his secret.
MIDDLE: Camden sees that Henri’s new furry coiffures can bring new life to his business. Camden grows concerned that his sister is growing too close to Henri and may get hurt.
END: Camden makes Henri his partner in the salon.
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PR -5 Character Story Beats
Aurora’s Character Story Beats- The Book of Trouble
What I learned: I realized half way through this exercise that the board members (antagonist and supporters) needed to appear earlier in the story, closer to the beginning, to make the conflict and players clearer upfront. Below is the draft in making those changes.
Logline: The CEO of an international ranching conglomerate, struggling to understand the sudden deaths of all his adult children and collapse of his enterprise, is kidnapped by remaining board members to pressure him to admit he did it.
#1 Ian Chamberlain- protagonist
Beginning: Experienced only in success, Ian reels from sudden devastating loss. He turns inward questioning “Why God, why me?” Depressed and vulnerable, he is victimized, by a gang of druggies. Learns someone among his friends is a betrayer, and masterminded a plan to kidnap and torture him so he will take the rap for the losses and kill himself.
Middle: Ian ignores fellow hostages and tries repeatedly to escape on his own. Personally accused of crime and immorality, his defense is self righteous anger, as he tries to determine who his betrayer is. His theology is shaken. When Ian reaches his limits, he repents and prays, receiving insight.
End: Jolted by hostage Joshua’s self-sacrifice to save him, Ian turns outward to save others.
Beats:
After the deaths of all of his adult children, Ian drives his expensive sports car to a remote park (the kids’ favorite) to sort things out and to ask God “why?”The car is attacked by the IMP gang, battered and broken down, finally towed away. Tow driver tells him there is “hell to pay”, a deficiency due on his lease. Homeless, Ian is also attacked, battered and broken down, even his clothing stolen, along with a small gold nugget he had found in the park. With help of his board members, his wife locates him and has him “towed away” to a rescue mission. Believing Ian is somehow hiding gold assets, she curses him.
Enroute to the mission, Ian is kidnapped by the IMP gang. The gang leader reveals Ian is betrayed by a friend, and physically demonstrates how Ian will be pushed to the end of his rope, and hang himself.
Ian is locked with three others in an empty lion cage at a movie ranch that has been evacuated due to wildfire. Ian rebuffs Lena and tells her not to call him “Papi Ian”. Michael manages to open the lock. Ignoring other three other hostages, Ian repeatedly tries to escape alone and is caught by the IMPS and beaten more. They ask where is the rest of the gold? Joshua washes Ian’s stubbed toe and tends his wounds.He gives Ian his boots.
Ian sees Lucien, Harry & Mercedes, his closest friends/board members and believes he is being rescued. Instead they verbally attack him in a hostile intervention. Mercedes wrinkles her nose at Ian’s filthy condition. Ian learns more about the catastrophes and that they were triggered by crime, and that FBI is looking for him. Harry starts with the “bad things don’t happen to good people” argument and the rest join in. His former friends accuse him of being an evil criminal, deserving of the tragedies he has suffered, & imply he should kill himself. He doesn’t know if all or which one of them is the betrayer.
The interveners are shocked to hear Lena is there at the movie ranch. They go looking and find her singing hymns with Michael in the Movie Ranch Saloon. Lena relates her strange adventure while Mercedes clutches Lena’s hair. Ian finally intercedes to make Mercedes let go of Lena, who promptly calls him “Papi Ian” again. Mercedes accuses Ian of using her as a pawn to traffick the child and Lucien produces evidence of the payment by Monas to Ian’s personal account. Ian dies knowledge of any of their allegations. Chupa attacks Ian, then secretly threatens him with a whispered claim he is trying to help Ian, but that “tomorrow it’ll all be over”. Ian warns the IMPS that some of the snakes are real. The “interveners” all defer when asked to help Ian escape. Joe jokes about suicide, Mercedes explicitly suggests it, while Lucien implicitly tempts him to kill himself. Ian tells Mercedes what Chupa has said.
Ian reaches the bottom and the other hostages again console him. After asking God for help, Ian accidentally overhears insider intel revealing the spiritual basis for the catastrophes. Ian joins with other hostages in readying for battle.
Ian’s friends abandon all the hostages and IMPS to the approaching wildfire. Death looms. IMPS attack to kill. Joshua is stabbed and taken in Ian’s place. Ian escapes up the mountainside, this time with the two remaining hostages. The Almighty finally begins speaks to Ian through Michael. When the last IMPs attack again, the hostages hide under Joshua’s woobie pancho, while miraculously the wounded Joshua reappears to divert the IMP In the rocks, Ian realizes he has been proud, and selfish. He repents of being disappointed by the collapse of his own theology.
Ian thinks again he is being rescued, but discovers his betrayer is Lucien, who shows up to spread gas on the dry hillside below him, demanding he turn over Lena, the child hostage to save his skin. Ian refuses, offering him instead Michael’s “key of David”. When Ian tosses it down, Lucien refuses to catch it. Hitting the stones, the key and heavy key ring spark a fireball which kills Lucien and ignites the hillside. A Phos-Chek spraying super tanker, called in by Harry saves the day.
Ian reunites with his wife and adopts all the orphans including Lena.
#2- Lucien Hugo
Beginning: Lucien takes the 2 other board members to Barbara (Ian’s Wife). Lucien kisses Barbara on both cheeks and calls her “Mamacita” and asks her about Ian’s gold reserves, that Ian was found with gold in the lining of his jacket. He takes a back seat in their efforts to get Barbara to move Alan to a rescue mission, but still somehow seems in charge.
Middle: Lucien meets with the two other board members at the abandoned Movie Ranch. As the company accountant he gives a bleak financial report since both US and Argentina have seized all in company assets. He brings up the existence of possible gold reserves and key man insurance on Alan’s life, and leaves dangling the implication they all would be better off if Ian killed himself.
Lucien warmly greets Ian when he appears and appears sympathetically, though denying Ian is captive. He plays home movie clips of them all, including Ian’s now deceased children, enjoying the opulent lifestyle they had before the calamities. Ian is devastated. Lucien uses questions to manipulate and provoke the two other board members to attack Ian, with increasing hostility trying to get him to take the rap. Lucien show deposits confirming Ian’s crimes. Lucien assures Ian he can leave when he wants to. Ian begs Lucien to take him, Lucien defers until the next day. Lucien separately walks Ian to the top of a cliff and tests Ian with questions about the lack of response from the Almighty, suggesting suicide is the way to retake control. Lucien threatens Ian, “you are just about out of time”.
In the hot tub with Chupa and Harry, Lucien again is a passive observer, but subtly the instigator. He slips, revealing Chupa is his front man, both in luring Harry off the wagon and criminal abuse of Ian. Lucien’s “jokes” reveal him as satanic. He has a large tattoo of a Leviathan on his shoulder.
End: Lucien betrays Ian and reveals himself as the mastermind behind the catastrophes. Jealous, he had killed Ian’s children. He taunts his mentor, threatening to kill all the hostages if Ian doesn’t turn over the young Lena. He is killed when refusing to take David’s key. He blows up in a fire ball.
#3 Harry Fargo
Beginning : Harry is annoyed and impatient with Mercedes in their meeting with Barbara. He apologizes for Mercedes’ insensitivity in discussing the insurance policy. He angrily chases off a process server.
Middle : Harry is practical. He brings an RV to the Intervention. Harry asks Lucien for an accounting and the news is grim. Harry is very stressed, especially since the oldest one of them all and planned to soon retire and is sarcastic. Harry reveals he has been contacted by federal authorities, and is anxious for answers/resolution. Harry begins the accusation against Ian with the argument “bad things don’t happy to good people” and bases it on his experiences as a former alcoholic. “Its always your own fault. Don’t blame others.” Throwing back at Ian what Ian had used “back in the day” to get Harry on the wagon. Harry was forced to admit spending time with Mercedes in Palm Springs, as they are each other’s alibis on the night of the fire that killed Ian’s son’s and daughters.
Harry is touchy about the Foot and Mouth Disease (FMD) showing up in the flocks in California, since he and Ian had recently traveled to Cuba, where the disease was still present and Harry had been grilled by the USDA about it.
When Ian asks Harry for help, Harry responds angrily that he will think about it.
Harry starts drinking again with Chupa and Lucien in the hot tub. He is shocked at some things that those two say when they get drunk.
Harry leaves alone with his motor home early the next morning as the rooster is crowing.
End Harry returns in a firefighting helicopter and with a super tanker just as Lucien sets the hill on fire.
Ian keeps Harry in business with him and they make even more money.
#4 Mercedes Rincon- third board member, head of the orphanage in Rosario
Beginning : Mercedes has an agenda. She aggressively asserts herself on Barbara, Ian’s wife, then panders in her attention to the children. Mercedes is outspoken in bringing up the subject of insurance covering suicide. Reaching back to Lucien for support.
Middle: In meeting with the 2 other board members, Mercedes questions the government seizures of company assets, bringing up the possibility of Ian involved in criminal activity. She brings up possibility of Ian having “hidden assets”.
Facing Ian, she is brusque and unfriendly. She brushes aside her obvious culpability in child trafficking and smuggling by claiming she had written messages from Ian directing her in the steps she took. She has an alibi in Harry for the night of the fire, but she is hostile toward Harry, fawning toward Lucien. She takes up and amplifies Harry’s accusation that the evidence of Ian of hiding his evil are the terrible things that have happened to him.
Mercedes is shocked Lena is there. Grabs her by the hair. She is unable to deny the story the child tells of being taken to Monos’ home In Rosario under the false pretense of piano lessons, escaping and then being smuggled out of Argentina and then into California by Mercedes, carrying 2 locked metal suitcases, one which leaked blood. Mercedes explains she did it on written instructions from Ian, but does not have the copies. She explains giving the suitcases to Lucien.
End : She asks Lucien to take her to LAX and that’s the last that’s seen of her. Lucien returns scarcely half an hour later.
#5 Joshua- mute veteran, disfigured by burn scars and healed throat wound.
Beginning : Joshua is the driver. He and Michael carry Ian onto the Mission bus. Joshua rebuffs Ian’s request to call police when the bus is being hijacked, by a motion like cutting the throat. Ian responds with fear. Joshua meekly submits to becoming a hostage in a lion cage at the movie ranch. He aids Ian by putting ash paste on his sores and wounds. Joshua kills a rattle snake with his foot. Joshua mimes that Michael has the “key of David”.
Lena relates how Joshua recaptures animals that were turned loose at the ranch when it was evacuated. Michael recounts Joshua’s backstory-a military man that burned himself saving children from a fire in Iraq, only to have one of them slash his throat.
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Middle: Joshua sits silently in the saloon listening to the interveners. He does not react when a baby rattler bites an IMP. Joshua and Michael take Ian away from Lucien, away from the edge of the precipice. Back in the cage, Ian prays for insight. Joshua mimes as he conducts communion with wine given Lena and
exhorts (with the aid of Michael and Lena interpreting his crude sign language)to put on the armor of God. They slip out of the lion cage (once again) and Joshua takes Ian down to the pool after dusk to bath, and he forcibly baptizes Ian, frightening him. Joshua cuts their hair and beard with garden shears to prepare for battle. The hostages overhear Chupa’s drunken explanation of why Ian has undergone the calamities.
End: When the Imp’s attack, Joshua quickly assumes Ian’s identity in putting on his filthy old clothes. He is stabbed and dragged off. Joshua miraculously reappears on the white horse to draw off the IMPs who are pursuing the other hostages up the mountain.
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Subject: Mary’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that bringing out the entire story of the other non lead characters will elevate the entire story. It gives them more depth and more nuance. I found the places where they were not so interesting. I found I then needed to go back to my main character to see how she will react to them.
Character Name: Hannah Sinclair
Role: Protagonist/ 12 y.o aspiring baker
Core Character Traits
– Prankster
– Anxious
– Intuitive/Relies on Gut feelings
– Doer
Character Subtext Logline: Hannah has to hide that she’s from the future while she tries to keep the national and her personal timeline of history intact.Her mission: To keep the timeline of national history intact while also keeping her ancestor alive
Want: To be validated/belong as a baker. Need: self-confidence/finding her voice.
Life Metaphor/identity – Hannah is like a rabbit – hops around, impatient, hasty, jokester, change and movement, doesn’t like to be boxed in, spontaneous, fast reflexes good coordination, highly observational alert.
Hannah’s story
Beginning: Wishes to be a famous baker like her ancestor
Middle: Back in time has to bake to save the timeline of history and her ancestor
End: Saves her ancestor and timeline of history.
Hannah’s Beats
1. Hannah pranks Uncle Jim while he delivers a history talk
2. Hannah concocts wild stories about exploding cupcakes while she is supposed to be displaying her grandmother’s recipe book. She is upset about losing a kid’s baking contest and wishes she could be famous like her ancestors.
3. She finds a message from the past in her own handwriting. Spooked she runs out.
4. Hannah realizes she’s left her grandma’s recipe book and asks to deliver jumbles to CT so she can retrieve it.
5. Hannah steps back in time to JULY 3rd, 1777 but thinks it’s a reenactment.
6. Hannah meets Lydia (her ggg grandmother) and thinks she’s part of her uncle’s prank.
7. Hannah is taken in as a relative by her famous ancestor Mary Newport and apprentices. Hannah realizes she’s back in time.
8. When ruffians break the windows of Mary Newport’s shop and ruin their pies for the celebration Hannah chases them off.
9. Hannah hears of a plot to kidnap congress and is worried.
10. Hannah puts her foot in her mouth when she suggests they bake cupcakes to replace ruined pies- they haven’t been invented yet. She does the same thing with a reference to the flag.
11. Hannah becomes more suspicious of a plot when Aunt Molly (Mary Newport) has been taken by one of the plotters.
12. Hannah is suspicious of everyone at the feast, and mistakenly fingers BENEDICT ARNOLD.
13. Hannah has met Hugh (young soldier) and notices when he goes missing from his post. She thinks this is suspicious and finds him and another guard tied up in CT cellar.
14. Hannah, Hugh and Lydia tell Mr. Turner of the plot and are double crossed since he is in on the plot. Hannah thinks they’ve foiled the plot and she’s ready to go home.
15. Hannah realizes Lydia has been knocked out by eating a drugged cake. Now she is on her own and has to act. She’s not sure whom she can trust – Captain collet the privateer? Hugh the soldier? She’s suspicious of both. She’s in a quandry about how to save Lydia and also the timeline of history. She runs around trying to get them to help to no avail.
16. She decides she may have to do this on her own. She does enlist the aid of Capt. Collet and challenges Hugh to help.
17. Lydia wakes up. With Lydia Hannah bakes more cakes, and with the group they figure out a way to sneak them in and replace the tainted ones, barely escaping getting caught.
18. The plot is foiled and as Hannah returns to the future she has gained new self-confidence in herself and her baking skills.
Improvements: In Hannah’s character I can see places where to bring out her intuition/superstition/ gut feeling more. In places where she is suspicious about the plotters I can make her rely more on her gut feelings – show things where she is checking in or doing some sort of ritual that helps her make decisions. In beats 15 and 16 I need to enhance the jeopardy related to Hannah trying to get help from the team.
——————Begin Character Profile————————–
Character Name: Lydia Newport
Role: Lead Character: Buddy/side-kick/12 yo ancestor to protagonist Hannah
Core Character Traits
– Avoids conflict (Elevated from Diplomatic)
– Loyal
– Helper
– WittyCharacter Subtext Logline: Lydia is suspicious of people outside the tribe but diplomatically hides this.
Her mission/agenda: She wants to be the baking successor to her Aunt Mary Newport.Lie she believes: If only everything could stay the same, the world would be peaceful.
Flaw: can be controlling when “too helpful”Lydia’s story
Beginning: Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper as a pastry apprentice.
Middle: Lydia dismisses ideas of a plot to kidnap the rebels.
End: Lydia helps Hannah to stop the plot.
Beats for Lydia (first pass)
1. Lydia accuses Hannah of being an interloper
2. Lydia is suspicious of Hannah
3. Lydia doesn’t take plot to kidnap congress seriously
4. Lydia accuses Hannah of being on the rebel side
5. Lydia thinks Hugh may have been in on breaking their windows.
6. Lydia has no wish to stop the plot.
7. Lydia treats Hugh coldly
8. Lydia trusts Mr. Turner (but he double-crosses them) and is angry at Hannah for having them dismissed.
9. Lydia eats/is fed a drugged cake and passes out.
10. Lydia is saved from death and helps Hannah stop the plot.
11. Lydia feels a sisterly bond with Hannah.
Improvements: In this first pass I see Lydia primarily operating out of suspicion of Hannah as an interloper. What is not brought out is Lydia’s wish to be the successor to pastry chef Mary Newport. Also, from her character profile, the loyalty/distrust aspect is highlighted. I need to bring out her witty nature, her helpfulness/control and diplomatic aspect. I decided to elevate her diplomatic nature to “avoids conflict” with a secretive/mysterious subtext. There will be more subtext in Lydia’s character and she’ll speak less directly.
2<sup>nd</sup> set of Beats for Lydia – change related to elevating aspects of Lydia’s character traits
1. Lydia questions Hannah’s intentions with wit – subtext of accusing Hannah as an interloper
2. When Hannah comes to live with them, Lydia is fearful Hannah is a competitor so she’s secretive around Hannah.
3. Lydia wittingly dismisses the plot to kidnap congress.
4. Lydia gives Hannah a test of her loyalty to family and king.
5. Lydia believes Hugh may have been in on breaking their windows but won’t say.
6. Lydia has no wish to stop the alleged plot but doesn’t tell Hannah.
7. Lydia treats Hugh with indifference but watches him.
8. Lydia trusts Mr. Turner (but he double-crosses them) and is angry at Hannah for having them dismissed. She covers this anger with wit.
9. Lydia eats/is fed a drugged cake and passes out.
10. Lydia is saved from death by Hannah. She realizes Turner is a double agent and people will be hurt if the plot proceeds.
11. Lydia helps Hannah stop the plot with her baking skills.
12. Lydia and Hannah brainstorm to replace the tainted cakes.
13. Lydia feels a sisterly bond with Hannah.
——————Begin Character Profile————————–
Character Name: Hugh McDonald
Hugh’s beats are shown after the 2<sup>nd</sup> pass according to fleshing out his character traits
Role: 2ndary Character: 15.y.o. American soldier – aids Hannah/ brotherly influence on the team.
Core Character Traits
– Easily influenced
– Earnest
– Scatterbrained
– Tribal
Character Subtext Logline: Hugh lost his father’s love by leaving the Tories for the American side. He has an uneasy relationship with father figures.
His mission/agenda: He wants to be on the winning side of history.
Paradox: Hugh is loyal to friends even if they are on opposite sides of the war.Hugh’s story
Beginning: Hugh is a loyal American soldier guarding the City Tavern.
Middle: Hugh is tempted to become involved in the plot to kidnap congress when he meets his former Tory commander, one of the plotters.
End: Hugh helps Hannah foil the plot and becomes loyal to her and American cause.
Beats for Hugh (2<sup>nd</sup> pass)
1. While attending a reading of the Declaration of Independence Hugh helps Lydia corral her errant cow. He oozes southern charm.
2. Hugh, stationed as a guard at CT, flatters Hannah and Lydia as they enter.
3. Hugh (and another American guard Jesse) are captured and tied up by the plotters.
4. When Hannah rescues Hugh (and Jesse), Hugh wants to “take on” the imposter guards. He needs to prove himself but his idea gets them into more trouble. He’s not sure he wants to listen to Hannah or Lydia’s ideas.
5. Hugh earnestly reveals what they know of the plot to Mr. Turner (proprietor of CT).
6. Hugh learns they’ve been double crossed by Turner when he is approached by former commander of his Tory regiment to join the plot. Hugh is swayed by his arguments and feels loyalty to him. Hugh says he wants to be on the winning side of history.
7. Hannah challenges Hugh to make a decision on where he stands. It’s his moment of truth and he has to decide which side he’ll be on.
8. Hugh goes to get his regiment’s help and helps capture the conspirators.
9. Because Hugh is scatterbrained, he and Hannah inadvertently let the plotters escape.
10. Hugh has to cover and tell his captain that they just ran off some ruffians.
11. Hugh keeps his soldier buddies from attacking Mary Newport’s house.
12. Hugh tells Hannah he is true blue for the Americans and for her…his loyalty is tribal.
Improvements for Hugh: I made sure to elevate more of Hugh’s character traits from my first pass (not shown)I made Hugh more active in terms of #2 – flattering Hannah, #4 being more active in retaliation and #7. Hugh has to answer a challenge.
——————End Character Profile————————–
Character Name: Prissa Pemberton
Role: 2ndary Character 16 y.o. Apprentice of Mary Newport and often a bully towards Hannah and Lydia.
Core Character Traits
-Will do about anything to attract the “right” man.
-Vain
-Astute on rules of courtship
-Superstitious
Want: Prissa wants to be admired by men. She needs to learn how to get along with other women.
Paradox: Prissa changes her morals/loyalty based on what suits her at the time, but she also ascribes to aspects of Quakerism.
Prissa’s story
Beginning: Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch.
Middle: Prissa focuses on meeting men and Hannah seems to be messing this up for her.
End: Prissa is so into her own agenda that she is unaware of the plot.
Prissa’s beats
1. Prissa accuses Hannah of being a witch.
2. Prissa flirts with Benedict Arnold and gives him a free pie to impress him.
3. When Mary Newport has to be away, Prissa takes charge and lords it over the apprentices.
4. At the CT celebration, Prissa focuses on impressing the men and is oblivious to what is happening re: plot.
5. Back at Mary Newport’s house Prissa tells a completely different version of what happened at the feast.
Improvements :Prissa doesn’t change during the story. Doing this, however made me modify some of her character traits.
——————End Character Profile————————–
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Alice’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is I noticed there is a hole in a middle, as it has been. Which prevents me to make it for a scenario with story. Maybe it is just that there are a couple of lines to the story, and it might stay this way, this hole be filled by Protagonists, Higher Caste, working on perseverance with Identifier machine, as they Copy Data.
I’ve got two catalysts, man and woman supportive roles, an additional protagonist,
Higher Caste staying for Protagonist
And one more or less dissent Antagonist so far
I can’t help it. Let it be Ensamble, I always thought it’s a mozaic, maybe just needs to be put together
1.
Silicium
Guard, newcomer
Core Character Traits
A bit rough
Romanticized
A bit introvert
Trained
Character Subtext Logline
Silicium is additional Guard who acts as catalyst, when Magnet falls in love with him.
Character Arc
Parts to be changed: He finds new love, but loses his sister Diamond
Biggest fear: His love to be dead, or else insensitive
Completion of Arc: He has sex with Magnet
2.
Beginning: Comes as additional Guard with his sister Diamond to Northern habitation.
Middle: He befriends Lensor, and falls in love with Magnet. Loses his sister Diamond.
End: Survives till final destruction of their place. Has sexual Inter course before the end.
3.
Broad Strokes
1. Silicium comes as additional Guard to serve at underground habitation under Quartz.
2. When their end is confirmed, Silicium has sex with Magnet, who they developed mutual feeling with, and dies together with her during intercourse.
2.
Magnet
Woman Maintainer, wife to Crystalline
Core Character Traits
Introvert
Intelligent
Attractive
Life Metaphor/Identity: She is attracted by personalities of realized people, and would only choose a partner of her caste
Character Subtext Logline
Magnet is Woman Maintainer who acts as catalyst as Silicone falls in love with her.
Character Arc
Parts to be Changed: She loses her husband, but falls in love with Silicium
Biggest Fear: Not being able to accomplish herself
Completion of Ark: She dies during intercourse
2.
Beginning: She descends with her husband and daughter into underground habitation.
Middle: She loses her husband and daughter, and refuses Abalone Shell
End: Survives till the distraction of the place and dies during intercourse.
3.
Details
1.Magnet sees a nightmare, predicament of the future of Revozvrander.
2. Magnet disassembled Identifier together with Platinum.
3. Descends with others into underground
4. Discusses with Crystalline their stakes to survive
5. Loses her daughter Rami to Disheveled
6. Loses her husband at Culmination, as place gets destroyed
7. Is picked up by Silicium and Sensor and is carried upstairs
8. Descends by elevators in the group at morning, as they recover Gilding
9. Gets destroyed during intercourse with Silicium
3. Antagonist
Omnivol
Woman Disheveled
Core Character Traits
Sinister
Hateful
Manipulative
Inventive
Persuasive
Secret: She hides what research for, and discovery
Mission/Agenda: To realize her research into reality
Want/Need: To prove her significance, keep Abalone Shell
Life Metaphor/Identity: Rotten to the core, she would rather be prompted to destroy the world if together with her adversaries
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: She would continue to be a person like Disheveled, as much as she tries to prove herself significant
Character Subtext Logline
Omnivol is Disheveled Woman, occupying with science, who makes discovery and creates ever expanding matter, absorbing any organics, shaped by the form of living being, with roots and brunches, which grows and destroys the planet.
2.
Beginning: She puts plaster into tube with magma she programmed
Middle: Creates animated Monster by infusing dead body of Diamond
End: Is shot down by Guards
3.
Details
1. Puts plaster, expanding matter, into tube with magma
2. Watches snowfall and descends into underground shelter
3. Makes her discovery to be programed
4. Tries to reach Identifier, for programming
5. Uses situation to lure children into Basement
6. Infuses dead body of Diamond, and creates animated monster
7. Murders other kids to use as feeding matter for planted monster
8. Kills her Blond Assistant
9. Deceives till monster won’t start growing, as Crystalline touches it
10. Programs it via Identifier, temporarily restricting its growth
11. Is shot by Guards
4.
Abalone Shell
Man Maintainer, Semi-antagonist
Core Character Traits
Week
Sometimes Aggressive
Unstable
Want/Need: He wishes Magnet for his partner
World View: He hates social system they live in
Secret: They’ve got a plan, and he would receive Magnet
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: He wishes to be Higher Caste full member, it is just he was manipulated by Omnivol into her intrigue, and misery
Character Subtext Logline: Abalone Shell is second man Maintainer who is manipulated by Omnivol and keeps her secret, in a false hope that Magnet would be his!
2.
Beginning: He meets Silicium and Diamond at the doors
Middle: Helps, covers for Omnivol with her dark plot and scientific discovery
End: Is shot down by Lensor as they have duel
3.
Details
1. Lets in newcomers
2. Descends into underground
3. Covers for Omnivol as she involves him into her plan idea
4. Helps her with wires as she needs to program the beast
5. Fights Tandem
6. Kills Tandem
7. Is shot by Lensor
5. An Additional Protagonist
Stone
Committee member, distant relative of prince Agan and Keepers
Core Character Traits
Man Enigma
All-knowledgeable
Kind
An Authority
What makes this character unique?
He leaves Revozvrander by Spaceship for another planet Slider, and takes with himself database of supra-knowledge, to save it
Character Subtext Logline: Stone is Higher Caste authority who abandons his planet and saves knowledge database.
2.
Beginning: He weds his sister to Agan, and decides to leave by space craft as they are gone
Middle: Contacts Quartz and is given Battery with Data, supra-knowledge
End: He and his family members are to live amid tribal on Slider
3.
Broad Strokes
1. Stone marries his sister to Agan, to maintain tradition
2. Refuses to withdraw into underground habitation
3. Makes it the way he wanted, getting Data
4. Leaves Spinner with his family members
5. Supports them on Slider planet, as they mature and educate
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What I learned: This was a great exercise to really flesh out the stories of each of my characters
1. Protagonist: Nick
2. Antagonist: Ella
3. Connecting Character: James
4. Supporting Character for Protagonist: Sam
5. Supporting Character for Antagonist: Angela
Nick
Beginning: Male Chauvinist
Middle: Trying to make amends
End: Enlightened
Story Beats for Nick
1. Nick catcalls Ella from his construction job
2. Nick is fired and must work at Ella’s firm
3. Shows he is a good person through deeds
4. Takes blame for Ella’s sabotage
5. Fired
6. Finds another office job, comes into his own.
7. Confesses his love for Ella
Ella
Beginning: Angry and prone to sabotage
Middle: Softening up because of good deeds
End: Forgives Nick
Story Beats for Ella
1. Pressured by her mom to date a family friend
2. Upset by being catcalled by Nick
3. Surprised to see him at her office.
4. Plots sabotage
5. Forced to train him
6. Sees he is a good guy
7. Confesses to his boss about her sabotage
8. Sees Nick with his ex-girlfriend
9. Dates the family friend
10. Confesses her love to Nick.
James
Beginning: Hard-nosed and stubborn
Middle: Loses it when his wife asks for a divorce
End: Chastised and willing to compromise
Story Beats for James
1. Fires his secretary
2. Has Nick foisted on him
3. Lee Ann, his wife wants to get a job, he resists
4. Feels like his family is spinning away
5. Asks Ella to train Nick
6. Lee Ann asks for a divorce
7. Faced with his imploding family, he tries to change
8. Ella confesses it was her mistake
9. Tries to hire Nick back but he is working for Harold West
10. Moves out and tries to reconnect with his family
Sam
Beginning: Highly critical of Nick
Middle: Silent but watchful of Nick’s change
End: Open to a new way of seeing the world
Story Beats for Sam
1. Highly critical of Nick’s choices
2. Lets him move home but berates him
3. Berates him when he gets a “girl” job
4. Watches as Nick starts to blossom at his job
5. Is on Nick’s side when he gets fired
6. Proud of Nick when he lands a job as a production manager
Angela
Beginning: Micromanager of her children’s lives
Middle: Confused by her children’s actions
End: Still confused but more accepting
Story Beats for Angela
1. Thinks she knows better than her kids
2. Tries to get her only daughter married off
3. Tries to set Ella up with a friend’s son
4. Nags Ella to call him
5. Happy when Ella goes on a date with him
6. Unsure of Nick but happy he has a job and Ella likes him
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Rebecca’s Character Story Profiles, Day 5
What I learned from doing this assignment is that working on one character’s story can give so much insight to another character’s purpose. This time through helped me iron out a couple structural issues, as well. I got rid of a couple small perfunctory scenes, making the one more powerful and useful. And also created urgency to continue through the climax. Lots of stuff percolating now.
1. Character Profile
1) Character Name: Rachel
Role: Artist, Musician, Daughter, Protagonist, Optimist
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Curious
– Sarcastic
– Resourceful
– Determined
Flaw: OCD Perfectionist. Self Loathing for not being perfect.
Character Arc: from anger to forgiving.
World View: Life is what you make of it.
Life Metaphor/Identity: compassion and justice
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Rachel doesn’t want to admit that she still needs approval from her mom.
What makes this character unique?
Rachel is unique as a result of her story that causes her to be her own hero/warrior, survivor resilient resourceful self sufficient from a very young age.
Character Subtext Logline: Rachel, determined to have the life of her dreams, has a score to settle and sets out to find her long-time estranged Mother before it’s too late.
Her mission: To find and confront Beth, her Mom.
Want: To be heard. To be important. TO HAVE A VOICE.
Need: Acceptance. Love. needed.
*** Instead of going with resourceful, I’m taking triumphant and elevating it in more celebration of Rachel’s courage and overcoming shitty circumstances no matter what. I will change more traits that reflect more of who Rachel is. As in takes action. etc I don’t want her ever to play into victim. She more feels proud of what she’s accomplished in spite of….
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Rachel finds out her Uncle Ben has killed himself. Middle: Rachel with minimal information sets out on a road trip to find her long-time estranged Mom.
End: Rachel, finally finds her Mom/Beth in a Convalescent home and does her best to make a connection and seek peace of mind, in spite of a twisted discovery.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
After performing, Rachel turns down spending time with love interest to work on her memoir. ELEVATED THIS OPENING WITH PAUL.
Rachel recalls traumatic past in little pieces as she writes her memoir.
Aunt Nina calls Rachel and tells her that her Uncle Ben killed himself.
Rachel recalls more childhood events. And sets out to find her long-time estranged mother.
Shows up at Mom’ house, but it’s being rented by nice couple.
R leaves to go back home. But winds up drinking and crashing her car.
Tow Guy leaves Rachel back at the house being rented by nice couple.
R spends the night at nice couples, Glen and Sheila’s, house.
Has breakfast with nice couple. They have a clue to find R’s Mom.
They take R to get her car from the shop(MUST LOOK AT THIS)
Rachel takes a road trip to a post office in a small rural touristy town.
leaves her number with the PO lady who will give it to the woman who collects Beth’s mail.
Rachel sneaks in after visiting hours to see her mom, who appears to be unconscious, in the Convalescent home. Eleanor walks in and sends her away.
Rachel returns the next day, entertains mom and the ladies.
Then overhears Eleanor talking to Mom who is not unconscious after all. She does not want to see Rachel.
Rachel talks to Paul who cheers her on to get what she needs out of this visit. Confront her.
Rachel back at Beth’s room, quietly talks to Mom plays along but knows she is being heard. Which is what R has wanted more than anything else!!!
Beth recalls the kidnapping events. Climax.
Back to the room, Beth writhes, machines beep, Rachel jumps awake screams. Doctor, Eleanor and staff run in with medical equipment. Make R leave.
Rachel visits Mom for the last time. Closure. Not sweet, but…
Rachel glowing with a new zest for life, arrives in time for her gig where Paul awaits. Ready for your love.
Rachel joins the band onstage and they kick off the gig.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
***In trying to elevate the 2nd phone call to Paul, I found great ways to elevate their budding relationship which in turn had a dominos effect on all their scenes together. Also helping to show Paul’s purpose for being there with Rachel. Paul now cheers Rachel on and reminds her of her triumphs and how she is worthy of getting what she wants and to not be afraid of taking advantage of this situation where she can have the power. His character is stable and he helps her find a pair.
Also got rid of a transitional scene which condensed 2 days into one, which created way more urgency after Rachel finds out her mom isn’t unconscious, and Paul gets her up on her horse for the confrontation.5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story. For Rachel, it shows us how her old ways don’t work for her anymore. And in the end Rachel walks away satisfied in spite of Beth’s inability to commit all the way. She knew that going in and had no expectations. It also shows more transformation and R’s strengths. Also to celebrate her success. And reveal that Paul and Rachel are good for each other.
______________________________________________________________
2) Character Name: Mom/Beth
Role: Nomad, Mom, Antagonist
Core Character Traits:
– Uptight Narcissistic
– Self sufficient
– Proper
– Insecure
– Jealous
– Handy
– Proud/Idealistic?
Flaw: Judgemental, Pompous, self conscious
Want: Order in her court. To have things as they should be. Pleasant.
Need: To be right. To be the center.
Mission/Agenda:.
Character Arc (if any);
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity Do as I say not as I do.
Secret: Her deep feelings.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: That she’s wrong.
What makes this character unique? She stands out in a doesn’t play well with others way.
Character Subtext Logline: Beth is a the long-time estranged mother who pretends to be unconscious while her curious daughter makes a surprise visit, that is no surprise after all.
***Instead of adding a bunch more traits, I finally realized it could raise the stakes and empathy for Beth to elevate her Narcissism, ie. Pompous. Superiority complex, Jealousy. Does not play well with others. So when it gets really ugly with the scene that I am putting back in, we can still care for Beth in spite of her despicable behavior. At least understand.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Beth as a young single mom is absent and wounded by the loss of her son.
Middle: Beth as a young mom newly married to a Japanese man who doesn’t speak english, encourages her new husband to wack Rachel for not adhering to Japanese tradition.
End: Beth, 75, endures painful visits from her long-time estranged daughter, until she finally leaves after making her vulnerable.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
Beth as a young single mom returns after a long sabbatical away from Rachel.
Beth as a young single mom ruins Easter and criticizes everyone.
Beth young and married to Japanese Kendo Sensei encourages her new husband to give Rachel a wack for not behaving like a good Japanese child should.
Beth, 75, in Convalescent Home pretends to be unconscious when Rachel visits her.
Beth, as a young Mom picks up Rachel from the Police station.
Beth, young, shows up at Stew’s with probation officer Looking for Rachel. Tells Carlee, Stew’s mom that if she has to choose between the two, she will choose her new husband over Rachel. She’s done.
Beth, 75, recalls getting her son, hiding him at Frank and Eleanor’s, the night he didn’t come home, etc.
Beth allows Rachel to lie quietly next to her before she leaves to go back home.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I had taken a scene out that I will put back in. It’s Rachel entertaining/playing music for the folks in the common room at the home. Eleanor has wheeled Beth out of her room to partake. But within minutes becomes agitated and fussy and makes E take her back to her room.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
**** I’m elevating the level of narcissism/jealousy Beth has toward Rachel. In spite of having written a final note “I’m proud of the person you’ve become” and having Eleanor sneak it in her bag. Or even possibly Eleanor wrote the note… But I want to show Beth’s lack of tolerance for her daughter even now. She can’t even sit through a couple songs. So sad. Just recalled that I am to write this from the character’s POV; when I wrote Beth allows Rachel to lie down next to her… That was a big character story revelation right there.
_________________________________________________________________
3) Character Name: Paul
Role: Musician, Guitarist, Love interest, Band Mate
Core Character Traits
– True blue
– Service oriented
– focused
– Sarcastic
– Every man’s guy, traditional and old school (still quotes Archie Bunker), so not alway politically correct.
Flaw: People pleaser, too nice ???? think about this more
Want: to be loved
Need: to be needed
Mission/Agenda: To be in relationship with Rachel.
Character Arc (if any)
World View:
Life Metaphor/Identity: Do the right thing.
Secret:
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: pushover
What makes this character unique? not many left
Character Subtext Logline: Paul is evolved, open and to the point. What you see is what you get. His loyalty runs deep. And he has let Rachel know what he wants.
His mission: To get the best out of life and that includes Rachel Want: Love, to be acknowledged. Respect.
Need: to Provide. Love.
***I will elevate Paul being old school (politically incorrect with a heart of gold) for humor and the kind of charm that makes you cringe a little but he’s still so lovable. NEED TO THINK MORE ON THIS
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Paul jams, plays guitar in Rachel’s band and ask Rachel to hang with him after the show.
Middle: Paul is there for her when Rachel calls. He is supportive and cheers her on when the going gets really tough. He helps her make a big decision to stand up to her Mom, in spite of the weirdness of the situation.
End: Paul greets Rachel with open arms when she returns for their gig.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
***That’s pretty much it above; however,
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
***I did elevate the opening scene with Rachel. As well as the second phone call.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
*** Finding the purpose helped find the dynamic between Rachel and Paul. Also, helped to elevate Paul’s sense of purpose. Shows him being Rachel’s rock and cheering her on encouraging her to stand up for herself.
_____________________________________________________________
4) Character Name: Aunt Nina
Role: Aunt, Mother, Sister in-law, Family Center
Core Character Traits
– Party girl
– Self sufficient
– Thrifty/Hoarder
– Fun, jovial
– Loud, life of the party
– potty mouth
Flaw: shallow???? think on this
Want/Need: to have fun and live a good life. that’s it.
Mission/Agenda: enjoy what ya got a lot, and cross off the stuff on the list.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I don’t care.
Life Metaphor/Identity: I love my life.
Secret
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Lonely
What makes this character unique? Her quirky, loud friendly unconscious self.
Character Subtext Logline: Aunt Nina is an “alright… well that’s that…” kind of gal, with a mischievous tone, and an ear splitting, joyous cackle. always willing to go “reluctantly” along with the gag.
****Aunt Nina is pretty colorful already. I have elevated her uniqueness but need to think on some other possibilities.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Nina calls to tell Rachel her Uncle Ben has killed himself.
Middle: Nina young has Easter dinner. The family keeper.
End: Nina shows up at Rachels with an address for her Mom and stuff.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
****Basically just what’s above. I may see if she comes back in some way to give her closure and let her know Rachel found her Mom.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I’m pretty happy with Nina but may add in a small closure scene to bring her back and let her know R found mom. She’s gone after Act 1…
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
****Her reaction may give more to her story but may not be necessary. Will see.
________________________________________________________________
5) Character Name: Eleanor
Role: Caretaker, Mom’s friend from the past, mystery woman, possibly Beth’s lover??
Core Character Traits
– Caretaker
– Loyal
– Serious
– In charge
– tougher than she looks
– protective/jealous
Flaw
Want: Beth’s companionship
Need: Beth’s companionship
Mission/Agenda: Protect and care for Beth.
Character Arc (if any)
World View: I am here to care for others.
Life Metaphor/Identity: You are what you give
Secret: In love with Beth.
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: Needy
What makes this character unique? THINK ON THIS
Character Subtext Logline: Eleanor is a life-long loyal pet and caretaker; she is secretly in love with Beth.
**** Have elevated the trait, Jealousy, with Eleanor secretly in love with Beth to raise the stakes. Also to make sense of her rigidness and slow to be kind to Rachel. Adds some resentment, even though she had the responsibility of letting her know where her mom is.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
Beginning: Eleanor intercepts Rachel’s phone number at the PO picking up Beth’s mail. Bumps into R.
Middle: Eleanor monitors Rachel’s visits and cares for Beth in the Home.
End: Eleanor tries to help Rachel by bringing mom out in the common room.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
Eleanor intercepts Rachel’s phone number at the PO. Bumps into Rachel without knowing one another.
Eleanor sends Rachel away when she finds her in her Mom’s room after visiting hours.
Young Eleanor with her husband Frank, hides and cares for young Beth and Willy.
Eleanor sends Rachel away when Beth becomes agitated during a visit.
Eleanor brings Beth out into the common room to watch Rachel entertain.
Eleanor puts an envelope from Beth in Rachels bag on the last days visit.4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
****I am considering giving Eleanor a bit more reaction the second time she kicks Rachel out. More of a fight from her to show her investment to Beth. And that she loves her romantically. Probably what Beth would not want Rachel to know. As if it were a weakness.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story. Makes us care for Eleanor more. And solidifies the caretaking connection along with seeing her with Beth in the 70’s.
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