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Day 5 Assignment
Reply to Post Your Assignment.
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36 Replies
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Paul’s High Concept / Elevator Pitch
4. What I learned from this assignment is how important the concept and elevator pitch are and actually determine much of the script. It has made me think what is really the essence of my story. Again, the thoughts provoked by this assignment will provide feedback for my script and lead me to make changes.
High Concept: A battle-scarred female war vet saves hundreds of lives when she foils a terrorist attack, but is then arrested for violating the terrorists’ human rights.
Elevator Pitch: A seriously-scarred Irak war vet is taking some R&R on a cruise liner. Because of her ugly scars she is shunned and scorned by her fellow-passengers. But when the ship is hijacked by terrorists, the lives of those same passengers will depend on her hard-won combat skills. She eliminates the terrorists, completely, but when the cruise-ship docks, she is arrested for not respecting their human rights.
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Hi Paul. You could pitch this one as “Scarface girl goes Under Seige in a WOKE world.
No charge.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
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I like the high concept line very much. You may want to rearrange the sentence slightly. Maybe, “A battle-scarred female war vet foils a terrorist attack, saving hundreds of lives, and is (or – only to be) arrested for violating the terrorists’ human rights.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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John Alen’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is the need for getting to the heart of what makes your project marketable as succinctly as possible.
High Concept: A corrupt cop doing time gets a shot at earning his freedom. All he has to do is stop a psychotic kingpin who’s waging a violent drug war in the city.
Elevator Pitch: I’m finishing up a story that answers the question “how do you stop a psychotic kingpin who’s waging a violent drug war?” It’s going to be a great part for a female star.
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Jeff’s High Concept/Escalator Pitch
What I learned is… an elevator pitch is fantasyland. I’ll never be in a coincidence or situation of meeting a producer, director, actor, or whatnot. Although on a fluke, I shook Bill Clinton’s hand in 2000 after his birthday dinner, and I heard him say to my youngest: “How ya doin’ young man?”
1. Would I kill to save a loved one? Would a doctor kill to save a loved one?
2. A boat broker ripped off my boat and money. And he knows I need the money to fund my grandson’s cancer treatment.
3. Ditto.
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Stephen Maynard – High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned is that knowing one’s HC and EP would be immensely helpful when creating a screenplay.
Additionally, aware that the writer will invariably fall in love with his writing and be blinded by his eloquence, HC and EP could also serve as after-the-fact tools with which to test the screenplay for content and clarity as well as the tool for succinct communication of the essence of the work.
PANDORA’S OTHER BOX – High Concept
Transgenic WORMS morph hags into young beauties.
PANDORA’S OTHER BOX – Elevator Pitch.
A slacker grows rich and powerful selling genetically engineered WORMS that morph old hags into young beauties – who eat men.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
My slacker villain goes from rags to riches and respect after murdering his professor to steal transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into beautiful young girls. At the end of his transformational journey, after defining the ultimate INHUMANE SELFISH SCOUNDREL, he weighs the pain and suffering he has inflicted on others. He confesses to his old friends that he has sinned, that he is beyond redemption, and takes his life.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma: N/A <div>
Main Conflict: Childhood best friends with
different values.The Stakes: The killing of men, enslaving
of young women, and the destruction of the environment.Goal/Unique Opposition: The villain wants
to acquire wealth and dominate young women. Opposition comes from his
childhood best friend when their values clash.3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
A slacker grows rich and powerful selling genetically engineered WORMS that morph old ladies into young beauties – who eat men.
</div>
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Stephen Maynard.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Leland’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
Main Hook: Young cop and her autistic geek friend solve cases while fighting internal prejudice, break down roadblocks, stop other cops from running her off, beat up a few big cowboys.
How to Say it:
Dilemma: Young cop catches killers, solves cases against extreme internal prejudice.
Main Conflict: When top brass try to run her off, a young cop fights back, catches the killer
What’s at stake: She’s set up to take the fall, turns things around, catches the bad cop and the killer
Goal/Unique Opposition: The Police Chief sets her up for failure, but young cop overcomes the odds, takes down the big cowboys sent to teach her a lesson, catches the killer.
Elevator Pitch:
Unique: Dallas cop fights a police chief who’s out to run her off, beats up a few cowboys, catches the killer.
Great Title: Dick & Jane go to War. It’s not your typical first grade reader.
Timely: Its give me what I want or the highway, meaning a young cop must say no to sex with the police chief, fight her new partner sent to chase her off, then catch the killer. Just another day at the office.
A first: Dallas cop beats up cowboys sent to teach her a lesson, goes against the police chief’s ultimatums, stops her new partner from running her off, then catches the killer.
Ultimate: Her life is in crosshairs as young Dallas cop chases a killer, fights internal prejudice, escapes when taken prisoner, stops her new partner from running her off.
Wide Audience Appeal: The brass wants something from a young Dallas cop that she’s not willing to give, set her up to take the fall, but she turns things around, catches a killer that no one else can find
Great Role: A young, beautiful, smart Dallas cop beats up a few cowboys while fighting internal battles to keep her job, catches the killer no one else can find.
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned today is there is a difference between a high concept, logline and elevator pitch. The high concept or hook is one sentence, as the elevator pitch, but the elevator pitch expands just a little more and can include a hook (which delivers the story powerfully and ASAP). The logline is usually two sentences max and includes the protagonist, goal, opposition and twist.
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Debbie’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned is to work hard on the concept and elevator pitch to make it as concise as possible.
CONCEPT: When archaeologist becomes impregnated by alien sperm, she loses her wife, her family, and her identity as she fights the invasion of not only her womb but of the earth.
ELEVATOR PITCH
Would you give birth to an alien/human hybrid child who is prophesized to enslave the human race?
When an archaeologist discovers she is pregnant with an alien/human hybrid, she is forced to run not only from the aliens who want her child to fulfill the prophecy but from her family, who wants to kill the child and prevent the prophecy from being fulfilled.
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Very nice, Deborah!
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Thanks, Lonnie.
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Andrea Higgins – High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned: A way to re-frame my thinking about marketability.
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Lead Character’s Journey: From the kid who can’t do anything right to hero.
2.
Most compelling approach is:
What’s at Stake?: The kid’s friends and family are threatened, and by extension so is a worldview based on family, friendship, and love.
3.
High Concept Elevator Pitch:
“What are you working on?”
I’ve just completed a family friendly action adventure feature—let me ask you: If a ruthless scientist and extremist group had taken your family and friends hostage, in an attempt to get their hands on your beloved pet sea dragon, what would you do to save them—if you were just an ordinary and slightly awkward kid?
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Andrea Higgins.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Barry’s High Concept/Elevator Pitches:
What I learned doing this assignment is to consciously integrate the main hook and components of marketability in crafting High Concept and Elevator pitches.
1) Big picture explanation of my lead character’s journey is:
Main Hook: The protagonist attempts to reunite with his brother and distance himself from his gangster father. But his efforts threaten his father’s enterprise. In confronting his father, his brother dies and the protagonist assumes his criminal enterprise.2) How to tell the Main Hook in the most interesting way:
-Dilemma: Sonny goes against his mother’s admonition not to look for his brother, but following her edict causes him unbearable emotional pain which results in his drug addiction.-Main Conflict: Pursuit of his brother causes a direct conflict resulting in his brother killing Sonny’s father, then committing suicide.
-Stakes: For Sonny, it is reuniting with his reason for living; for his father, it is survival of his criminal enterprise.
-Goal/Unique Opposition: Sonny’s goal is nothing less that reuniting with his brother; his father’s goal is maintaining his criminal enterprise at all costs, even if that means using Sonny’s brother to kill Sonny.
3) Elevator pitch incorporating the Components of Marketability:
When a Chicago gangster’s son attempts to reunite with his brother, his efforts threaten his father’s criminal enterprise and he must die. In a split second all goes wrong; the brother and father die, but the son survives and assumes the criminal enterprise.
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Lonnie’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned: I learned the key differences between the high concept, elevator pitch , and the logline. We have to have all three, and be ready with elevator pitch at all times — one never knows! The key is utilizing the best hooks of the script.
title: Elevator Down
genre: Thriller/Suspense
HIGH CONCEPT: A kidnapped young boy needs to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids, who are kidnapping and cloning world leaders for world dominance.
ELEVATOR PITCH: A young boy gets kidnapped by a shape-shifting cult of underground reptoids. They are cloning U.S. officials and sending them back up to the U.S. Capitol to control the power grid, the internet, and military. But one female reptoid develops compassion for the young boy and discreetly provides him some secret codes. He must now figure a way to escape and save all the hostages without being killed. He becomes a hero, and the cult is revealed and destroyed—their agenda for world domination thwarted.
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Hey Lonnie: Your high concept is great, but I wonder if you can shorten your elevator pitch a bit. I don’t think you need the last line. I think you can do something like, When the boy gets some secret codes, he must escape his underground prison in order to ave the world.
I hope this helps. Take it with a grain of salt.
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What I learned: To go back and check the assignment and apply it to the right area. lol. Also to reiterate those areas of your pitch that have a chance of striking a chord in the producer. Experiences such as these affect us all in different corridors of our lives.
Karen Crider, High Concept/ Elevator pitch
A teen girl works for her father in his doughnut shop. She dreams of being a ballerina. Her mother’s dying years before, leaves her bereft, without a mother or ballet instructor. Her grieving father gets rid of anything that reminds him of ballet, something he thinks hindered her. The protag rebels against his will for her to be a nurse. Her teen competitor, not only lands the boy she loves, but qualifies herself as a prima ballerina who bullies her. Compound the protag’s. bullying; the dealing with her unsupportive father, hell bent on her being a nurse; a second-hand tutu that refuses refurbishing; and most of all, unrequited love, she develops a doughnut addiction that may end her career before it begins.
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Phyllis MacBryde – High Concept and Elevator Pitch
I’ve struggled with log lines and I never dreamed that I could boil the story down to a high concept idea. What I learned from this assignment is how to do that. I’d love feedback on what I’ve come up with. Thanks so much.
1. Big picture of lead character’s journey: Workshopping an American musical in Africa
2. Interesting approach: Goal/Unique Opposition
High concept: A white playwright and a black producer workshop an American musical in Africa, but the Ancestor Spirits determine its fate.
3. Elevator pitch: “I’m working on a proof of concept shoot for a film that has a unique goal – a white playwright and a black producer workshop an American musical in Africa, but it is the Ancestor Spirits who determine the musical’s fate.”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Phyllis MacBryde. Reason: inappropriate descriptive word
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Mark’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that there are different ways to eke out interesting parts of the story. the four different ways to express the main hook are very helpful. I feel like my logline, that has gone through 50 versions at least, is getting more interesting.
1. A man who spent 10 years in the Air Force and became a great pilot is now out of the military, and for the first time he is unsure of his abilities in the real world, having had a structured life until now. He is adrift, unsure of his life direction and lonely.
Suddenly two events happen at once. Gina, his first love, re-enters his life, with a likelihood of emotional fulfillment, and the secret Navy weather project he is in charge of has caused a deadly weather catastrophe that will kill people – including him.
He realizes now what he wants in life at the same time that a weather catastrophe he helped engineer threatens to end his life.
2. HIGH CONCEPT
Dilemma: A meteorologist must escape a lightning storm traveling the world to kill him before it reaches his family.
Main Conflict: The odds of being struck by lightning are 100% for four scientists who caused planetary damage and woke up Mother Nature.
What’s At Stake: A meteorologist who caused a weather catastrophe is now in a global fight with Mother Nature.
Goal/Unique Opposition: How do you save your family while being hunted by a deadly force of nature out to kill you?
3. Elevator Pitch: I’m adapting a Sci-fi novel about a meteorologist that caused a weather catastrophe who must escape a lightning storm traveling the world to kill him, before it reaches his family.
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Liz’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
I learned a High Concept should be a single sentence that gets right to the hook and is interesting enough to get producers to request your screenplay. An Elevator Pitch should last around fifteen seconds and be interesting enough to get producers to request your screenplay.
High Concept: When a lonely dead girl targets a family for love, their mentally scarred son tries to stop her, but soon finds she will murder him to get what she wants.
High Concept in Alternate Question Form: How can a mentally scarred boy keep from being murdered by a spirit child while trying to stop her from taking over his family when she’s already dead?
Elevator Pitch:
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
A young boy must stop a murderous spirit child from becoming part of his family, but nothing seems to work, and he’s unable to convince his mother the girl’s real.
Elevator Pitch:
I’m doing a quick edit on a script that was a finalist in several contests. It’s about a boy who tries to stop a lonely dead girl from making his family her own. Her need for love turns evil when she decides to kill him.
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Mark Abel’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
I’ve typically written longer Elevator Pitches (about 30 seconds), so it’s great to have a more condensed version available.
High Concept:
A disgraced illusionist wanders the desert chasing mirages
Elevator Pitch:
“I’m finishing up a story that answers the question, what if the world’s greatest escape artist met inescapable circumstances?”
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Stephen Dexter’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is a high concept or elevator pitch is much more impactful than a simple logline.
High Concept Pitch: How can a washed-up actor jumpstart his career and make himself available 24/7, when the abandoned, old dog he rescued refuses to be adopted by anyone?
Elevator Pitch: Right now, with all that’s going on with the pandemic, family films are hot and what makes this family-friendly film even hotter is, it’s a feel-good dog story that answers the question: “Can an old dog teach you new tricks?”
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Cara’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is that it is essential that I “nail” this assignment to get my script read – and for it to be liked by those who read it. And, that having a narrower understanding of what’s interesting removes some clutter and improves my story.
1.)
A dying poet disappointed by his famous friends must turn to angels for inspiration.
A rootless poet loses himself in his friendships with famous artistic thinkers only to find true inspiration in the spirits of solitude.
2.)
Dilemma: If being loved required artistic fame, where would you look to find it?
If your famous friends don’t inspire you, who will?
Main Conflict: If you can’t find poetic inspiration in the highest circles of art, you must then seek the heavens.
What’s at stake?: A dying poet must fulfill his artistic ambitions to gain the attention of his true love.
Goal/Unique opposition: After his famous connections fail him, a dying poet must search the heavens for inspiration.
3.) Using the 10 components, what’s your elevator pitch?
I’m working on the true story of a dying, unfulfilled poet who must leave his famous friends and turn to the heavens for artistic inspiration.
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Thomas F. Duffy – High Concept / Elevator Pitch
What I learned from this assignment is it is very difficult to cut your description of your story down to a single sentence, but not impossible.
My High Concept: A washed-up NHL practice goalie fights to make the save of his life.
Main hook alternatives:
Dilemma: Would you give up everything you cherish for a shot at the pros? Can a washed-up NHL practice goalie make the save of a lifetime?
What’s At Stake: A washed-up NHL practice goalie has to decide what’s more important, a lifetime with his only child or a shot at the pros?
Elevator Pitch: I’m doing a polish on a script, that was a finalist in several writing contests, about a washed-up NHL practice goalie, who has to choose between to saving his daughter or his team’s season.
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I like all of your choices. All are concise and very clear.
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Thanks, Phyllis. I have been very busy with an outside project, so I haven’t been as thorough checking out the other posts. I’m going to re-read your posts and hopefully give you some usable feedback. Best, Tom
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Thanks, Thomas. I’m going to sleep on it and post my synopsis tomorrow. My take on the assignment is that the synopsis is supposed to support the high concept/log line by using hooks, so that’s exactly what I’m aiming for. That really boils the story down to the throughline and leaves out all the supporting characters, but like what you’ve written here — it’s clear and easy to follow. And I hope there’s enough there to inspire interest.
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John’s High Concept/ Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is, for your script to even be considered, your first impression is extremely important in delivering a tight yet appealing concept and elevator pitch.
High concept
Can you imagine if babies could talk what would they say… especially if they were pissed!
OR
Imagine an R-rated version of “Look who’s talking.”
Elevator Pitch
After the moms leave for a bachelorette party, we hear the curse filled thoughts of two infants as they are left with their inexperienced dads for five dads.
… I recently got in contact with a producer. I told him I wrote a comedy called “Potty Mouths.” It’s a R-rated version of “Look who’s talking.” And I followed it with the elevator pitch. He liked it a lot and asked to read the script when my edit is finished. Let’s see where it goes.
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Guil, High Concept/Elevator Pitch.
4. What I learned doing this assignment is that this is one of the most important skills a screenwriter can learn. If we can’t tell people what the story is about in one or a few sentences, we have a problem. This is a skill that needs to be mastered. By working on this, I was able to break down all the elements to uncover the elevator pitch. I feel that I still need to nail it, but this is a good start.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
Broke and desperate, an inconsequential screenwriter makes the ultimate mistake: he kidnaps a producer, leading to betrayal, murder and a police investigation.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma
A screenwriter makes the ultimate mistake: he kidnaps a producer. Is this a point of no return? How will he reverse his mistake?
Main Conflict
A screenwriter makes the ultimate mistake: he kidnaps a producer. Should the screenwriter let him go? What if the producer calls the cops?
What’s at stake?
A screenwriter’s bad decision to kidnap a producer may land him in jail unless he finds a way out.
Goal/Unique Opposition
A broke and desperate screenwriter’s only chance of “making it” is killed when a producer hires someone else.
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’m working on a Crime Drama about a desperate and unstable screenwriter who kidnaps a producer, and after the accidental death of a director which may implicate them both, the screenwriter and producer are forced to team up to evade a cunning detective.
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Assignment Five
Gordon Roback: High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
What I learned: find the main hook and zero in on that. I might add that the Zombieland examples are not working (well) for me since I don’t get the main characters arc. Why would he love a woman who steals his car, takes his gun and leaves him to die? I would believe that there are 250 million zombies before I believe his motivation.
High Concept for Camerone
Given the choice between the guillotine and serving in the French Foreign Legion, Pierre Trudel opts for the Legion but his lawyer tells him he should have chosen the guillotine because it is quicker, cleaner and has more honour to it. How bad can the Legion be? asks Trudel. At Camerone he is about to find out.
Elevator Pitch: Camerone
If you were surrounded, outnumbered 600 to one and out of ammunition, would you surrender or would you fix bayonetes and attack an army? as the six surviving French Legionnaires did at Camerone.
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This is a test to see if posting is working.
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HIGH CONCEPT AND ELEVATOR PITCH
I created 4 (four) high concept pitches, each one different:
dilemma, main conflict, what’s at stake, and goal/unique opposition.
i created an elevator/What are you working on? pitch
I learned that there are several different ways to explain my main hook, and that there are many ways to generate the elevator pitch.
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Robert Barhite’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
The big picture explanation: A Black outlaw is coerced to join forces with the traitor who sold out their gang and set him up for murder.
How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
1. Dilemma: Isaiah, a Black outlaw, must either work for rich cattle barons and the traitor who sold out their gang and made off with their loot or be hung for a murder he didn’t commit.
2. Main Conflict: Isaiah is framed for two murders by the man who sold out their gang, and the only way to clear his name is to help his former partner recruit a gang of murderers.
3. What’s at stake: Isaiah must join forces with the traitor who stole the gang’s loot or be hung for two murders he didn’t commit.
4. Goal/Unique Opposition: Isaiah must clear his name and discover what happened to the gang’s loot before his former partner decides he’s expendable.
Elevator Pitch: To clear his name, a Black outlaw is forced to join forces with his ex-partner and recruit a gang of murderers before he’s deemed expendable.
What I learned doing this assignment is that loglines and elevator pitches are tougher to write than a script. I know writers who won’t begin working on a script until satisfied with the logline. Still not 100% sold on the elevator pitch, but it’s getting there.
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Kristina’s High Concept / Elevator Pitch
What I learned from this assignment is that I can’t beat about the bush and tell all the other interesting stuff that happens in the script. I have to jump right to the Transformational Journey.
High Concept:
A man who has finally met his true love discovers that they’re both fictional characters, and their creator intends to have one of them die at the hands of the other during the next full moon.
Elevator Pitch:
At the height of the pandemic in New York City, an out-of-work costume designer, Oliver, falls in love with Tony, the young man next door, who is in an abusive relationship with Nolan, a best-selling author of supernatural thrillers. When Oliver discovers that both he and Tony are fictional characters, he must rewrite the narrative before he is killed by Tony, whose father was a werewolf, and who tends to be rather murderish when the moon is full.
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Michael Mercer’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
What I learned doing this assignment is…I must (1) create short, snappy, intriguing Logline + (2) see ways producer can (A) profit from my script & (B) profit in future.
Tell us your High Concept and Elevator Pitch.
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
In this coming-of age drama-romance, six teenage girls go through the most intense emotional roller-coasters of their lives – because of the one handsome, fun, very affectionate guy they all adore.
OR THE FOLLOWING HOOK:
A handsome, adoring guy runs into many emotional and legal problems growing out of his loving, caring, fun relationships with the six girls – all at the same time – who are going on extreme emotional roller coasters rides.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
Dilemma
Main
Conflict
What’s
at stake?
Goal/Unique
Opposition3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
This script has
A. Great, Evocative Title = “LOVE YOU FOREVER”
B. Wonderful script to discover or promote the next Leonardo Di Capria – a handsome, charming hero who women immediately fall in love with and crave to see in many movies
C.
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Philip’s High Concept/Elevator Pitch
1. To find your main hook, tell us what the big picture explanation of your lead character’s journey is.
Ben must decide whether to remain Owen’s life-long follower/groupie or break free to find his own path in life.
2. How can you tell it in the most interesting way possible?
• Dilemma
• Main Conflict
• What’s at stake?
• Goal/Unique Opposition
3. Using the 10 Components of Marketability, what is your Elevator Pitch?
I’m polishing a script about a 35-year-old science nerd who must decide whether to remain his BFF’s life-long groupie or break free to find his own path in life.
I’m polishing a script about a pair of clueless American zoologists who are lured on a Snipe Hunt to search for a hoax animal in the Australian Outback.
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Torino Von Jones High Concept and Elevator Pitch
What I learned: The way to find the main hook is to figure out the big picture explanation of the lead character’s journey.
1. Main Hook: During a dance competiton, a dancer can’t win when he falls for the same girl as his brother.
2.
Dilemma:
How does a dancer competing in a dance competition have any chance of winning win when he falls for the same girl as his brother?
Main Conflict:
Nobody wins when two brothers at a dance competition compete for the same girl.
What’s at stake:
A career as a professional is lost when a dancer and his brother compete for the same girl.
Goal/ Unique opposition:
Winning a dance competition is all that matters for a dancer until he falls for the same girl as his brother…
3.
Elevator Pitch
When two brothers fall for the same girl during a dance competiton, there’s no way they can win.
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