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Day 5 Assignments
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#5. Karen Crider’s Character Story Beats
What I learned: I am into editing. I think I did Assignment #3 wrong. So, now I have to do #5 and try to compensate.
(For the Love of Percy: a fantasy script)
Character profile:
Percy the dragon: Infant Percy tumbles to earth through a portal during a hostile takeover of his father’s kingdom. A foster school kid, Dusty, finds him in a mud puddle. He saves and raises Percy, while thinking at first, he’s a lizard. In turn, the dragon he bcomes, saves Dusty not only on the playground, but the battlefield and life-long. The script speaks well of the power of friendship.
Beginning: Percy falls through a portal to earth and Dusty raises him as a lizard/dragon– eventually going to war separately in Afghanistan.
Middle: Percy has reunited with a grieving Dusty, a widower after the war, and he invisibly steals a woman for Percy. (Ann)
End: Dusty and Percy go on the lam to space after Dusty is imprisoned for Percy’s kleptomaniac tendencies.
-A screenplay doesn’t need pie in the sky for dessert, just a main entrée. Cutting back on the elements, tightening and focusing on only what’s relevant can make a difference. (I have not mentioned Ann as a character. She is the woman Percy stole for Dusty–a single, attractive school teacher.)
Ann’s character profile:
Percy kidnaps an elementary school teacher. She passes out on Percy’s flight to Dusty’s cabin. When she wakes, she demands to be taken home. Dusty was sleeping when she arrived. He doesn’t have a clue who she is.
Ann’s Traits: Intelligent, witty, evasive, and mad as hell. lol
Beginning: Percy follows and kidnaps Ann after school, as she arrives home.
Middle: It’s not enough Percy has kidnapped her. He decides to kidnap her a second time, making her twice as mad.
End: Dusty’s attracted to her, but she resents him, because now she’s fingerprinted, booked and has a record and fears she’s going to get fired.
It’s outrageous. Who kidnaps someone twice? How to improve on it? More subtext perhaps. Arranging the scenes so there’s more of a heightened contrast in the conflict. Considering other effects, I suppose.
Character Profile:
Dusty Greene: A young foster kid who runs from bullies and finds a friend in what he thinks is a lizard drowning in a puddle at school. The dragon and Dusty grow up together. Dusty graduates, and goes to war in Afghanistan with Percy following and fighting off the enemy.
Beginning: A foster kid who finds a lizard saves and raises him, not realizing he’s a dragon from another planet.
Middle: The boy graduates, and goes to war in Afghanistan with the dragon following invisibly.
End: Percy tracks down Dusty at his cabin, and Dusty wrongfully lands in jail because of Percy’s penchant to steal.
How to improve on Dusty’s profile? By adding another trait. One of bravery that will add more macho in the rest of the story.
Character Profile:
Nurse Phoebe: Sister to the king. Nurse to the magical twin dragons: Prince Percy and Princess Zenith. When the kingdom is overturned, she’s turns invisible. She races to hide Prince Percy in a cumulous cloud. He falls through a portal and leaves. The princess comes up missing.
Beginning: She tries to save her niece, as she begs for her life to stay and take care of a failing Princess Zenith.
Middle: She escapes with the princess, after a volcano destroys the castle to locate Prince Percy.
End: She finds the prince and tells them both, they are siblings, and they also must leave immediately– the portal is closing and Percy’s kingdom is waiting.
How to improve on Nurse Phoebe’s profile: Have her not beg. The infant is in bad shape, and the magicians have no answers. Have her barter her life for the life of the infant princess, not confessing she is the infant’s aunt.
Princess Zenith
Character Profile: Royal, dragon princess, daughter to slain king; twin to Prince Percy. Kidnapped by invading king and queen. She is confident, spoiled and demanding.
Beginning: Born in the castle under the old regime and nurtured by her aunt, Nurse Phoebe, where Princess Zenith, shows up for her debut and picks Percy as her intended.
Middle: They escape the volcano disaster with Nurse Phoebe, and travel to earth inside a portal.
End: Before they leave for the planet, Freome, they find Percy and Nurse Phoebe tells them both,they are siblings and cannot be together.
How to improve on Princess Zenith’s profile: Add stubbornness to Princess Zenith’s nature with a suspicious side, where she doesn’t want to let Percy go.
Toby Mills:
Character Profile: I changed this again. Toby is a party animal and friend to Dusty from the Army.
Beginning: Shows up at Eve’s funeral, (Dusty’s wife) and visits him at his cabin. He suspects Dusty’s new car is hot, and calls the cops.
End: Cops think it’s another dead lead, but are on their way out there when they spot the new car with Dusty and Ann inside it; Dusty never makes the connection.
The above is new and adds to Toby’s profile.
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DAY 5 ELEVATE YOUR CHARACTER’S STORIES
What I learned while elevating my character’s story is that brainstorming the story from the character’s perspective creates scenes that are personal and revealing. It also helped me discover new scenes that incorporate these elements.
Connally: Lead
Protagonist: Maggie
Antagonist: The System
Connecting character: ?
Supporting character for Protagonist: Prof
Supporting character for Antagonist: Connally (self sabotage)
Character Profile:
Connally is a young, gifted albeit self destructive pilot.
Beginning: He’s demoted for recklessness.
Middle: He falls for Maggie, is jailed and grounded.
End: Shot down presumed dead, he’s rescued.
Connelly’s Character Beats:
1. He’s demoted to WSO and sent to Vietnam.
2. He and Prof butt heads.
3. His best and only friend is killed.
4. He gets drunk, decks a superior officer and is jailed to be dishonorably discharged.
I’m adding a scene where he leaves his cat with the cocktail waitress from the officers club before heading to Vietnam.
It improves his character by showing he’s not all bad.
Maggie: Connally’s love Interest.
Protagonist: Connally
Antagonist: Colonel Foxworth.
Connecting Character: ?
Supporting character for Protagonist: Prof
Supporting character for Antagonist: Prevailing Chauvinism.
Character Profile: Beneath her austere surface is a wild child who is attracted to bad boys like Connally.
Beginning: She arrives at Udorn, innocent and shy.
Middle: She falls for Connally then they break up.
End: She saves Connally’s life.
Maggie’s Character beats:
1. She arrives at the base and bumps into drunk, rude Connally.
2. She works with Prof an a secret weapon.
3. She bumps into Connally after a Mig kill. They make love.
4. She and Connally split up.
5. Because of her efforts Connally is rescued.
I realized the classroom scene may be too much like Top Gun.
I will change the setting to the sim surrounded by seats like a old operating room. I’ll also use the scene for Connally and Maggie’s 2nd encounter. (Connally was too drunk to remember the 1st time they met).
By showing a glimmer of attraction to Connally early on, it improves the character by exposing wild side of her.
Character Name: Prof.
Protagonist: Mad
Antagonist: The war
Connecting character: ?
Supporting character for Protagonist: Strawman
Supporting character for Antagonist: Connally (self sabotage)
Character Profile: Prof is a chivalrous mentor who once was an unquestioning patriot but now is doubting the legitimacy of the war.
Beginning: He and Connally clash.
Middle: He saves Connally from himself.
End: He’s shot down and killed.
Prof’s Character Beats:
1. He and Maggie work together on on Combat Tree.
2. He tries to help Connally but Connally is too bitter and arrogant.
3. Believing in Connally, he gets the dishonorable conduct charges dropped.
4. He and Connally are the first to shoot down a Mig using the Combat Tree, proving it works.
5. Hit by a SAM. Worried he may reveal top secret information if captured, he rides the F-4 in and is killed.
I can improve the story by adding a scene showing Prof isn’t perfect.
I can improve his character by showing he is vulnerable.
Character: Mad.
Protagonist: Prof.
Antagonist: The war.
Connecting character: ?
Supporting character for Protagonist: Strawman.
Supporting character for Antagonist: Dangerous Missions.
Character Profile: Mad is an unflappable tough guy who is damn sure of himself and his purpose.
Beginning: He stoically lands a damaged F-105
Middle: He bravely conducts Wild Weasel missions.
End: He heads the rescue mission to save Connally.
Mad’s Character Beats:
1. He lands his damaged F-105 and narrowly escapes before it blows up.
2. He carouses with the gang at the tiki bar where he and the guys meet Maggie.
3. Prof comes to him for confession.
4. Following Maggie’s command he discovers Conalley is alive.
5. He leads the massive mission to rescue Connally from behind enemy lines.
I improved the rescue scene by having Mad lead the mission.
Character: Strawman.
Protagonist: Prof.
Antagonist: The war.
Connecting character: ?
Supporting character for Protagonist: Strawman.
Supporting character for Antagonist: Mad (always putting Strawman down)
Character Profile: Strawman: is the runt of the litter. He tries to use hummer to fit in and can’t understand why no one takes him seriously.
Beginning: He disseminates exposition.
Middle: He and Mad fly some harry missions.
End: If not for Strawman, Connally would have been killed.
I improved the script by having Strawman be the guy who spots the enemy about to fire an RPG at the rescue chopper.
This helps his character by making him the unexpected hero.
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Judith’s Elevated Character Story Beats – Lesson 5
What I’ve learned is to review all the beats of the characters to make sure they are functioning together and throughout the story. I elevated Detective Thomas’ story beats for this lesson.
Rachel –
Profile:
Role: Villain – out to get her younger sister for past “offenses”
Core Character Traits: revengeful; scheming; patient; critical; deceitful
Character Subtext Logline: Rachel is a deceptive older sister who is pretending to want a loving relationship with her younger foster sister.
Want:/Need: Rachel wants revenge for past hurts but needs to let go of childish hurts and old beliefs and move on with her life.
Secret: she’s pretending to want a relationship, but she wants to get Emily for past hurts by appealing to her need for love and family.
IMPROVED ITEM: Change patient to calm because I think it is more useful to develop her scheming side and make her more sincere.
Beg: Rachel kills her mother and a homeless woman to make it look like she died in the house fire along with her mom. We see the scene as a thief doing the robbing and killing.
Middle: Rachel escapes from Emily to the Cabin in the woods and sets it up that she will find her there.
End: Rachel dies in a fire in the Barn/studio after a fight with Emily.
Story details/broad or detail: ACT 1 –
1.OPENING -Rachel kills mom and homeless woman. She intends to make it look like she died in the fire so she can coerce Emily into a renewed sisterhood and take over her life.
2.Rachel secretly hangs around Emily’s house, scaring her dog and Emily in her bath by scratching the window, unseen, and wounding Ralphie, Emily’s dog.
3.INCITING INCIDENT: Rachel shows up at Emily’s Gallery show unannounced carrying flowers and a card from Mom saying she wants to reunite with Emily.
4.Rachel spies on Emily at the school where she teaches art in her friend, Lynn’s 3<sup>rd</sup> grade class. She sees the relationship between Emily and Katie.
5. Rachel secretly spies on Eugene and Emily when they go to the adoption agency to sign the final papers for Katie.
6. PLOT POINT 1: Rachel arrives at Emily house asking if she made up her mind. She carries a “return to sender” letter she found by the trash and humbly apologizes to Emily for all the hurt she caused over the years.
ACT 2A –
7.Emily tells Rachel she is pregnant, and Emily pretends excitement for her.
8.Rachel and Emily explore a Baby Boutique. Much laughing and fun.
9.Rachel and Emily return to the house. (wait a minute, she’s already been here. So the description needed to be earlier and Ralphie acting negatively toward her. – not scene 24 in outline)
10.Rachel and Emily have fun preparing the baby celebration dinner. Rachel becomes upset when she sees an art award certificate Emily won as a kid in the kitchen closet. She scratches it out and puts it back on the wall behind some dishes.
11.Rachel leaves Eugene and Emily to celebrate without her. Emily comments on such a considerate sister.
12.Rachel is at the art gallery destroying the paintings by burning them down. She saves one painting of a family.
13.Rachel arrives at Emily’s house, and she tells her about the gallery burning. Emily tells her she couldn’t get in touch with Eugene or her by phone. Rachel pretends sympathy and will take her to lunch to get her mind off the tragedy.
14.At the restaurant Rachel points out Eugene being friendly to another woman.
15.Rachel pays off the woman for pretending to be Eugene’s girlfriend.
ACT 2B
16.Rachel visits Emily after the incident. She is bummed out, so Rachel brings her a cup of tea. Rachel killed her mom with a cup of poisoned tea.
17. Rachel tries to kill Eugene by causing an accident on the freeway.
18.Rachel freaks Katie out by giving her a bloodied rabbit foot she claims was from Emily.
19.Rachel waits for Emily in the Cabin in the Woods. They fight and Rachel lays all her grievances onto Emily.
19.A – Rachel kills Lynn and Kidnaps Katie.
20.Rachel opens the door to Detective Thomas at Emily’s house pretending to be her and she kills him.
21.Rachel attacks Emily in the woods and when Emily escapes she tells her if she ever wants to see Katie again to meet her at the Barn/Studio.
22.Rachel waits for Emily at the Barn/Studio. When Emily enters she sees that Rachel has painted grotesque family paintings and signed them with Emily’s name. She and Emily fight and Rachel is killed in a fire that she instigated by setting lit candles all over the barn.
1. CHARACTER: EMILY
Profile:
Role: Protagonist – learns that her sister doesn’t want what she says she wants and she must defend herself and the ones she loves.
Core Character Traits: ambitious; creative; stubborn; hopeful; assertive
Want:/Need: Emily wants a loving relationship with her mother and sister, but what she needs is her independence and to move on.
Character Arc: Emily starts out wanting a loving relationship with her mother and sister but ends up realizing that the love she wants she already has with her husband and adopted child.
IMPROVED ITEM: changed optimistic to assertive because optimistic was too close to hopeful.
BEG: Emily returns from her run to find the movers to take her paintings to gallery for her show have not arrived. She learns that they think she called them to delay their coming. She is angry at who called them.
MIDDLE: Emily learns that Rachel is up to no good and that she and her mother were killed in a fire in Rachel’s house. This is impossible since Rachel is here.
END: Rachel dies in a fire reminiscent of the one she killed her mother and homeless woman in.
Story details/broad or detail:
ACT 1 –
1.Emily returns from her morning run to find that the movers are not there to take her paintings to the gallery for tonight’s show. She calls them and they tell her she called them not to come so early. She is angry and upset that the show might not go as planned if the paintings are late. Who would call the?
2.She enters her hallway and finds a “return to sender” letter from her sister. It upsets her even more. She considers the letter, then throws it in the trash. Eugene praises her for finally letting go of her sister.
3.Emily and Eugene go to the adoption agency to sign final papers for adopting a little girl, Katie, 8 years old.
4.Emily drops Eugene off at work.
5.Emily goes home and gets ready for the showing. While taking a path, accompanied by her dog, Ralphie (put him in the beginning in the run.) There is a scratching at the window. Ralphie becomes upset and takes off. Emily goes to get him, and he returns to the house with a wounded foot. She fixes it.
6. INCITING INCIDENT – Emily show is a big success. She’s enjoying the adulation when there is a ruckus at the door. It is her estranged sister, Rachel, carrying flowers from her mother and a card. She begs for Emily to consider reuniting as a family. Emily is tempted, but tells Rachel bad choice to come her during her gallery show. She is upset that Rachel embarrassed her in front of her buyers and made her look back with family problems.
7.Emily goes to teach art in her friend’s, Lynn, class. We meet Katie and see the close relationship she has with Emily. Rachel, spies on them. We do not see Rachel’s face, but suspect it is some pervert watching the kids at school. Set this up earlier perverts at school?
8.Emily goes to Dr. Goodman’s office. Goodman approached her at the show and told her he had something important to talk to her about. She arrives and he has been killed. Secretary doesn’t know why he wanted to see her. (clue here later of Rachel’s face not just the journal entry?)
9.Emily gets sick while playing with Ralphie. She goes to the doctor and finds out she is pregnant.
10. She shares the good news with Eugene.
11.Emily is at home when the doorbell rings. Rachel is there to find out Emily’s decision, reunite or not? She holds a “return to sender” letter she found on the ground by the trash bin. She profusely apologizes to Emily for all the hurt she must have caused over the years returning the letters. Ralphie is not happy to see Rachel. Emily tells her sister, let’s try. It’s Christmas season after all.
ACT 2A –
12.Emily shares with Rachel that she is pregnant. Joy! They go baby boutique shopping.
13.Emily and Rachel have a great time at the baby boutique.
14.Emily and Rachel prepare the baby celebration dinner. They are having fun when Rachel enters the utensil closet and finds Emily’s art certificate, she won 1<sup>st</sup> place as a kid. She scratches it up and hides it behind some dishes.
15.Eugene gets home and Rachel leaves to let Emily and Eugene celebrate as a couple.
16. Emily and Eugene make love after dinner.
17.Emily and Eugene still lovey-dovey in the morning. Eugene discovers the scratched-out certificate. Starts to tell Emily and changes his mind. He asks who set the table. It was Rachel. He goes to work.
18.Emily stares at a blank canvas. Ralphie lays at her feet. While trying to paint, Emily gets the call about the gallery burning down. She throws down the brush and rushes out.
19.Emily arrives at the gallery and sees that her work is destroyed. She goes around collecting pieces that are still okay.
20.Emily tries to call Eugene; she drives by his office. She can’t find him.
21.Emily calls her buyers to find out if they want a replacement painting or a refund. She tires herself and goes to the Barn/Studio. She takes the pieces she collected and makes a baby mobile. Rachel arrives. Emily is grateful she is there. She tells her she will take her to lunch.
22.Emily freaks out at the restaurant when she believes that Eugene is having an affair. They have a big fight.
23.At home, Emily stares at the empty canvases. A picture of a baby is clipped to an easel. She drinks the tea Rachel brings her to comfort her. (SET UP poison tea earlier with Thompson)
24.Emily and Eugene have a big fight. He suspects Rachel is up to something bad. That she is trying to destroy their lives. She calls her mom.
MIDPOINT:
25.She finds out that mom and Rachel were killed in a fire at Rachel’s house. How can that be, Rachel is here?
26.Emily stares at the Christmas tree and ornaments they were decorating it with trying to figure out what to do. She races from the house.
27.She goes to Rachel’s hotel, but she is gone. The clerk tells her that Rachel talked about a place she visited as a kid.
28.Emily drives to the cabin in the woods.
29. Rachel is waiting for her. They have a big fight. Rachel thinks she’s killed Emily and leaves. The Winter Caretaker helps her out of the burning cabin.
30.Emily gets a call about Eugene’s accident. She didn’t get the call earlier she had shut off her phone.
31.Emily goes to the hospital and saves his life before Rachel can get to him again.
32.Emily asks Lynn to pick up Katie for her. (need a better reason she was going to pick her up – kid’s party – how did Katie get there in the first place.
32.Dr. Goodman’s secretary calls about a journal she found that talked about her. She picks it up.
33.Emily goes to Lynn’s and finds that Rachel kidnapped her and took her to Emily’s house.
ACT 3 –
34. Emily goes to the Foster Home to see if Katie is there. She isn’t.
35. Emily goes home and searches for Katie. She can’t find her. She sees the jacket on the floor. She chases Ralphie into the woods.
36. He digs up Thomas’ body. Rachel attacks. Emily gets away. Rachel tells her if she wants to see Katie alive, meet her in the Barn/studio.
37.Emily goes to her house and gets a weapon. Gets one from her car trunk.
38. She sneaks into the barn. Starts to release Katie but is attacked by Rachel. Candles are all over the place. While Rachel and Emily fight, Katie gets loose and escapes. The candles catch on fire during the fight and Emily can’t rescue
Rachel. She burns to death.
39.The fire fighters put out the fire. Detective Thomas is loaded onto the van.
40. Emily brings Eugene home. Doorbell rings while they are having supper. The adoption agency has brought Katie by.
She is welcomed with open arms.
41. Bye at mom’s and Rachel’s graveside.
List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:
6. INCITING INCIDENT: Emily is tempted, but tells Rachel bad choice to come her during her gallery show. She is upset that Rachel embarrassed her in front of her buyers and made her look back with family problems. In my earlier draft I had her more accepting right away.
Tell us what you improved: See above.
2. CHARACTER: EUGENE
Profile:
Role: supportive, loving husband to Emily
Core Character Traits: supportive; loyal: suspicious; tenacious.
Flaw: workaholic
World View: the world is a tough place, watch out or they will get you.
BEG: Eugene congratulates Emily for throwing the “return to sender” letter in the trash.
MIDDLE: Eugene argues with Emily that Rachel I up to no good.
END: Eugene recovers from his accident and returns home to Emily and Katie.
ACT 1 –
1. Eugene who says they said she called to delay the pick-up.
Emily finds a “return to sender” letter from Rachel. She decides tear it up. Eugene congratulates her.
2. Eugene and Emily go to the adoption agency to sign the finalized papers of their adoption of a little eight-year-old girl, Katie. Rachel spies unknown on them.
3.Emily gets sick while playing with Ralphie. Eugene tells her to go get it checked out and he goes back to work.
4.She goes to Eugene’s office, and they are thrilled.
5. Emily and Eugene make love.
6.Emily and Eugene are still lovey-dovey. He goes to the closet and finds the scratched-out art certificate. Starts to tell Emily about it and changes his mind. He goes to work. (maybe tries to check up on Rachel.)
7.Emily and Eugene continue the argument outside. Rachel rescues Emily and drives her away. Eugene sees his investor drive away.
8. Eugene sits at his desk staring at the wall. He tries to call the investor and finds out that her phone is disconnected.
9. Eugene finds Emily asleep in the barn. Eugene arrives and searches for Emily. He finds her asleep in the baby’s room.
10. Eugene and Emily have a big fight. He tells her that he believes Rachel is up to destroying their lives. She tells him he’s always suspicious and she’ll prove him wrong. She’ll call mom.
11.Eugene investigates and finds that the woman at the restaurant was found dead. (how can this be – he saw her leave)
12.Eugene’s car stalls. He gets it started and is driving down the freeway, and Rachel tries to kill him by getting his car into a crash.
13. Eugene in the hospital. Police investigate.
14. Emily brings Eugene home. Doorbell rings while they are having supper. The adoption agency has brought Katie by.
She is welcomed with open arms.
Story details/broad or detail:
List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:
Tell us what you improved:
4. CHARACTER: DETECTIVE THOMAS
Profile:
Character Five: Detective Thomas (5/4)
Role: find the truth of what happened at 1301 Friendly Lane.
Core Character Traits: curious; independent; argumentative; abrasive
Character Subtext Logline: He’s a dogged detective who won’t stop pursuing a case until he gets an answer, he knows is the truth.
Flaw: critical of others
Beg. – middle – end:
Beg: Detective Thomas investigates the burned house scene.
Middle: He learns the name of the other sister.
End: Thomas mistakes Rachel for Emily and she kills him and buries him in the woods.
Story details/broad or detail:
List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:
Added a scene with Thomas’ Captain.
Added that the tea cup Thomas found at the scene had poison in it. Homicide now, not just an accident.
Tell us what you improved: see above.
1. Detective Thomas investigates Rachel’s house. He is suspicious of it. The Fire Marshall says stuff like this happens every holiday season. Thomas doesn’t hear him. He is picking up clues a necklace and a partially burned album. He finds a tea cup on the floor beside Mom.
2.Thomas learns from the neighbor woman about Rachel and Mom and sister? He also learns that her security system got a recording of a car racing through the neighborhood right after she called the fire department about the fire. She points out Rachel’s Mercedes and tells her how much she loved that car.
3. Thomas learns from the coroner that the bodies are Rachel and her mom. He doesn’t believe her. She has an argument with him about how he always discounts her. Thomas learns from the coroner the mom was poisoned and the tea cup he found was the item used to poison the old lady.
4.Detective Thomas sorts through mom’s stuff at the rest home. He finds a picture of the girls as kids. Finds out Emily’s first name. (maybe an wedding announcement) Talks about how much they look alike.
5.Emily stares blankly at the empty canvases. A picture of a baby is clipped to the easel. Rachel brings her a cup of tea. (su earlier that mom was poisoned.) ( a Thomas scene) She tells Rachel she wants to be alone. NEED SCENE EARLIER – THOMAS
5A. Thomas is dogged. He is determined to finish this last case before he retires. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the other daughter. Finish this case. Captain calls him a stubborn old coot. Your last case, see it through. Then turn it over to the San Francisco police.
6.Detective Thomas arrives at Emily’s house. He is greeted by Rachel pretending to be Emily. She poisons him and pulls him from the house. (his clothing left behind – Ralphie smells it)
7.Ralphie digs up Thomas’ body.
IMPROVED ITEMS:
4A. Changed it to a scene where he is going through files at the police station after he learns the second daughters first name.
Added this scene:
5A. Thomas is dogged. He is determined to finish this last case before he retires. His Captain, his dear friend tells him to follow his clues and talk with the other daughter. Finish this case. Captain calls him a stubborn old coot. Your last case, see it through. Then turn it over to the San Francisco police.
4 CHARACTER: LYNN
Profile:
Role: Emily’s best friend
Core Character Traits: insightful; caring; tuned into how people feel; indirect
Flaw: not able to say no
Beg. – middle – end:
Story details/broad or detail:
List an improvement/separate and brainstorm:
Tell us what you improved:
1.Emily comes to her friend’s Lynn’s 3<sup>rd</sup> graded classroom to teach art. We meet Katie and how much she and Emily get along. We get a glimpse of Katie’s personality – an eight, when she rescues another little girl from a bully. Rachels spies on her. We don’t see it is Rachel.
2.Lynn at the art gallery show.
4. Lynn joins Emily at the hospital.
5.Lynn goes to get Katie while Emily stays at the hospital with Eugene. The doctor tells her to get some rest. He’ll call her if anything comes up.
6. Emily goes to Lynn’s house and finds her dying and Katie kidnapped by Rachel. She tells her Rachel took Katie to her house.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Judith Watson.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by
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David’s Character Story Beats
“What I learned doing this assignment is…?” Once the Profiles and Beats are entered in B&W they make it a lot easier to imagine new improvements.
1. Give us their Character Profile.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.PAUL MOUTON.
Role. The Protagonist. Poor family. High schooler. An eighteen-year-old who drives the story by finding and defending a sunken treasure from religious fanatics.
Core traits. Anxious, fearful of failure, reticent, bookish, needy, cynical.
Character subtext logline. Paul is a high school student who has adventure thrust on him by his family. Embarrassed by his poverty and overwhelmed by his brave father’s death, he runs from challenges.
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END
Eighteen-year-old Paul is told he belongs to a treasure-hunting family that is stalked by a Cult of religious fanatics.
Paul fights off the Cult several times, but it looks like he is domed when attacked at sea.
Paul destroys the Cult and finds success.
LIST OUT THE BEATS OF THEIR STORY
ACT 1.
Paul is cynical and fearful.
Paul falls for Sandy.
Paul learns of his treasure-hunting family.
Paul disbelieves the story but checks it out in books.
ACT 2.
Paul is attacked and joins the hunt.
Paul believes he has solved the map’s secret.
The search fails.
Paul hits bottom. (No treasure, expelled, loses Sandy.)
Paul takes charge. (Jack kidnapped.)
Paul’s crew is attacked by the Cult while diving.
ACT 3.
Paul overcomes his fears and defeats the Cult.
Paul’s location of the treasure is correct.
Paul finds popularity.
SELECT AT LEAST ONE PART OF THEIR STORY THAT COULD BE IMPROVED.
After the first pass, I noticed that Sandy did not appear directly. Just indirectly, e.g., as part of Paul hitting bottom. In her character, Sandy was only active when she rescued Paul’s mother. Was she necessary or deserving of a Profile?
So, one possible improvement could be to have Sandy laugh at Paul when they first meet (he was pretending to tire his loafer shoelaces) and walk on. Paul could pursue her actively. Sandy might be really kidnapped (not escaped by accident), and Paul rescues her. This would occur after Sandy saved Paul’s mother.
Is a third kidnapping too much? Paul would do it on his own. Lenny would be in the hospital with Jack, who had a mild heart attack. Sandy would be kept in a house in town. Paul would approach at night. Could he believably break into a Cult house? Also, in the current story, Paul is at sea. Chronology and sequence would need to be changed. Alternatively, Santos (Paul’s high school Nemesis) could also be in love with Sandy and let her go. Maybe, those two could end up together. When Paul hits him with the book at the end, Sandy may go to him, and they walk out together. Then, Paul would have lost a girlfriend and not end with all the Treasures of The Santa Elena.
A far-out – Paul could find out the Grand Inquisitor is really his father.
No PG13. Make all characters adults. Keep the basic story the same. That would allow for earlier and more violent action. Sex too. More options.
Again, pull out one brick from a story pile, and the whole stack falls. All the above need a lot more work if used.
CAPTAIN JACK MOUTON
Role. Patriarch of the Mouton family. Keeper of the treasure map and its history.
Core traits. Obsessed, tribal, stubborn, old-fashioned.
Character subtext. He wants to retain his family role as patriarch.
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END
Jack keeps the family history and the treasure map.
Jack provides the nautical background for the story.
Jack ends up a landlubber.
LIST OUT THE BEATS OF THEIR STORY
ACT 1.
Jack tells Paul his failures.
Jack tells Paul of the treasure map and the family history.
ACT 2.
Jack sails the crew to the suspected wreck site.
Jack is kidnapped
Jack sails the crew on a second search.
Jack organizes the defense against the attack.
ACT 3.
Jack opens a bar.
SELECT AT LEAST ONE PART OF THEIR STORY THAT COULD BE IMPROVED.
Jack can go two ways. Anger or defeat. Both due to the long history and his lifelong frustrating search.
Jack could call off the search after the first failure. Maybe try to sell the boat and the historical artifacts. Paul and Lenny could find Jack drunk and Shanghai him to go on the second search. Or, Jack could get mad after his kidnapping and start killing Cultists.
Jack could fall for a waitress at his bar.
Jack could have a heart attack.
The Grand Inquisitor
Role. The antagonist. An evil, sophisticated religious fanatic. He seeks the treasure and will do anything to get it.Core traits. Fanatic, amoral, religious, unswerving.
Character subtext. He sincerely believes he can restore the Inquisition and will get to Heaven.
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END
The Grand Inquisitor enrages his Cult.
The Grand Inquisitor attacks Paul and all his crew.
The Grand Inquisitor is defeated and commits suicide, still defiant.
LIST OUT THE BEATS OF THEIR STORY
ACT 1.
The Grand Inquisitor speaks to his Cult.
The Grand Inquisitor orders his Cult to attack Paul.
ACT 2.
The Grand Inquisitor frames Paul.
The Grand Inquisitor kidnaps Jack.
The Grand Inquisitor captures Paul and his crew. They escape.
The Grand Inquisitor kidnaps Paul’s mother.
ACT 3.
The Grand Inquisitor is defeated.
The Grand Inquisitor commits suicide.
SELECT AT LEAST ONE PART OF THEIR STORY THAT COULD BE IMPROVED.
The GI falls for one of his Cultists. They do/don’t respond. The GI loses control of the Cult/ they have to leave but will be killed if they do.
The GI falls for Sandy. Kidnaps her to satisfy his lust.
The GI finds out that Paul is his son. Has to save him.
SANDY LANDRY.
Role. Protagonist’s girlfriend. Contrasting background and world view compared to Protagonist.
Core traits. Sophisticated, worldly, independent, romantic.
Character subtext. Her own person.
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END
Sandy meets and is attracted to Paul.
Sandy rescues Paul’s mother.
Sandy and Paul are an item.
LIST OUT THE BEATS OF THEIR STORY
ACT 1.
Sandy meets Paul on the school steps.
Sandy starts a conversation with Paul.
Sandy stands by Paul in a fight.
ACT 2.
Sandy does first aid for Paul.
Sandy helps Paul in a school fight.
Sandy is left by Paul.
Sandy is almost kidnapped.
Sandy rescues Paul’s mother.
ACT 3.
Sandy reconciles with Paul.
Sandy and Paul are an item.
SELECT AT LEAST ONE PART OF THEIR STORY THAT COULD BE IMPROVED.
What if Paul has to chase Sandy? She doesn’t like him at first.
Sandy may get involved actively and solve the map secret.
What if Sandy was Paul’s sister and would not be included in the search but wanted to participate?
Sandy is kidnapped but escapes in a tense hide and seek episode in a dark, spooky house.
LENNY FELDER.
Role. Sidekick. Father figure.
Core traits. Practical, technical, earthy, brave.
Character subtext. Comfortable only when doing.
BEGINNING, MIDDLE, AND END
Lenny becomes part of Paul’s family.
Lenny handles the technical aspects of the search.
Lenny and Paul’s mother are an item.
LIST OUT THE BEATS OF THEIR STORY
ACT 1.
Lenny meets Paul on Jack’s boat.
Lenny kids Paul about his fear of spiders.
ACT 2.
Lenny gives Paul self-defense advice.
Lenny leads the technical aspects of the search.
Lenny gets angry at Paul and REJECTS him.
Lenny leads Jack’s rescue.
Lenny leads the second search.
ACT 3.
Lenny is trapped below.
Lenny finds the treasure.
Lenny and Paul’s mother are an item.
SELECT AT LEAST ONE PART OF THEIR STORY THAT COULD BE IMPROVED.
Lenny is a recovering alcoholic. He gets drunk after the failure. Before the second voyage, he has to get sober.
Lanny gets jealous when Jason seems to be taking over as a father figure with Paul.
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Subject: Heather’s Character Story Beats for Absolution
What I learned doing this assignment is: pay attention to the details. Even the small parts can make the difference. Or: there are no small parts.
Protagonist:
Father John Ambrose:
– In stage 4 kidney cancer, wants forgiveness for the abuse he was forced to commit as a teacher at St. Anne’s residential school.
– searches out Jody Youngblood to ask for forgiveness and gets progressively sicker.
– dies sure of his place in heaven.
Ambrose’s story beats:
– Ambrose confesses his sin to Bishop DeGaul who instructs him to seek forgiveness from Jody Youngblood.
– Seeks out Jody who wants nothing to do with him.
– Strikes up a friendship with the Chief’s son Joe.
– Needs to go for dialysis but hasn’t told anyone his IV port is septic.
– Heads to the hospital with Jody driving – the truck breaks down in a blizzard.
– Tries to make it to the nearest road following Jody but can’t.
– Ambrose tells Jody the truth in the face of Jody’s anger: how he saved him from being killed by locking him in a small cupboard until the headmaster forgot about him.
– Ambrose and Jody are rescued and taken to hospital, but one of Angelino’s aides poisons him.
– Jody tries to save him by donating his kidney -his way of saying he forgives him.
– He gives his testimony in Court, knowing this is the last task he must accomplish.
– Chooses to die outside surrounded by nature, where God is all around him, like the Cree believe, sure of his welcome in heaven.
Bishop Robert DeGaul
Supporting Character for Protagonist
– Head of Dioses for southern Ontario, and Ambrose’s oldest friend.
– Hearing Ambrose’s confession realizes he is responsible for bringing the church to accounting for the murders committed by the headmaster of the school – who is now a Cardinal.
– Loses his faith in the Catholic church but maintains his faith in God.
DeGaul’s Story beats:
– Hears Ambrose’s confession and tells him he must seek forgiveness from Jody Youngblood.
– Informs the Reservation there is a burial pit under the school and arranges for a wrecker to dig out the bodies.
– Sends a letter to the Reservation Council asking for accommodation while they collect evidence from the survivors to use in court.
– Acts as a go between the Reservation and the church when Angelino shows up.
– Tries to take care of Ambrose as he gets sicker and Angelino stirs up trouble.
– Gives testimony in Court – truth over church dogma, not caring about what Angelino will do to him.
– Gives Ambrose the last rites and feels bereft, unsure of what he will do now that he has cut ties with the church.
Cardinal Ignacio Angelino
Antagonist:
– Head of a secret ancient order with its roots stemming from the Spanish Inquisition, founded to root out dissent within the Church.
– Sent by the Pope to deal with the ‘Indian problem’ once and for all, by any means necessary.
– Unable to bribe DeGaul or kill Ambrose, the order is exposed and Angelino is sent to jail for attempted murder.
Angelino’s story beats:
– Angelino arrives in Canada where he suffers through an Advent service, quietly arguing with the heads of the Canadian Catholic church.
– He flies to Ontario and arrives at the airport to be greeted by a media frenzy and an angry anti Catholic protest.
– Taking his anger out on DeGaul, he does not expect someone who stands up to him.
– He tries to bribe DeGaul. That doesn’t work either.
– At the reservation a gang of teenagers threaten to castrate him.
– He sees nothing but savages who need to be enlightened.
– When DeGaul and Ambrose seem to be siding with the natives, he instructs his aides to burn the reservation church down and plant evidence on DeGaul.
– When Ambrose survives the blizzard he instructs his aides to do God’s work and send Ambrose home – the aide injects poison into Ambrose’s IV line.
– Before the trial, instructs one of the aides to intercept Joe and seize the photos.
Jody Youngblood:
Connecting Character: The reason everyone is all there.
– Holds his anger like a shield in front of him cutting everyone who wants to be in his life away.
– Blaming his past behavior on someone else means he doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything in his life.
– Jody needs to grow up and see other people deal with problems too.
Jody’s story beats:
– Jody just wants to be left alone. He doesn’t want to remember the past.
– He resents people pressuring him to do painful things like remembering. Identify bodies. Tell painful stories. See Ambrose.
– He doesn’t want to do a sweat with a white priest.
– He sure doesn’t want to take him to the hospital and he isn’t ready to hear his words of apology.
– He’s stunned when he realizes Ambrose saved him from being killed by the headmaster. He doesn’t know what to say, but he knows he has to keep him alive, just like Ambrose kept him alive so many years ago.
– Jody gets Ambrose to the hospital, but then the aide poisons him. He realizes Ambrose may never wake up and hear him say the words. Jody is a match for a donor. He gives him a kidney so he will know he’s forgiven.
– In court he gets to tell the world exactly how he feels– a spokes person for every First Nation child abused by the Catholic church. He is restrained and dignified. Not at all what anyone was expecting.
– When Ambrose is fading and says he doesn’t want to die in a hospital, Jody takes him back up the mountain and lets him die outside under the sky. He becomes the friend DeGaul needs.
Supporting Antagonist Character
I don’t really have one. The closest I have is Angelino’s aides. If I craft a scene or two where he is giving them unction to do the things they have to do (Murder Ambrose and Joe) it might work. It would make the antagonist part more definite, and not some vague secret club in the Vatican. It’s just my Latin sucks, and the prayers are in Spanish (which I speak) or Latin (spoken at the time of the Spanish Inquisition.
Or I could make just one aide a real character and go from there.
Or have a traitor on the reservation willing to help Angelino. For a price…hmmm.
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It looks like your story is well planned. The new options fit and you have a handle on their need. The story is out of the headlines and filled with action and meaning.
Trivial and technical. You might check with a nephrologist or GP about the IV port or whether a fistula would be needed or likely become septic. Also, about how fast someone would need to get to dialysis before fatal.
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Thanks for your input David. I chose Kidney cancer because I have a friend going through it right now. I monitor him quite closely as I was a paliative care nurse. I’m imagining his port to be central along the chest, so if he showers or sweats there can be a danger of breakdown and it can happen within a few days. What was wierd was that as I was writing this, my friend had this exact senerio happen. We almost lost him. Deja vu.
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Frank Gaide – Character Story Beats
What I learned: Yet another exercise to find the core of a story element. Yay. I find myself retracing previous exercises, but the focus has shifted dramatically to just one storyline for each character that really helps me figure out its purpose in the context of the premise. A great tool to improve my outline!
TITLE: THE UGLY BOAT
1 – TERRI (22)
Role: low level criminal/half-brother/husband and dad.
Flaw: guilt
Ch. Traits: liar – addict – dreamer – selfish
Ch. Logline: Terri is a hapless criminal who will do anything, but work, to hold onto his failing marriage.
Mission: to impress his wife with money.
Secret: jealous of his stepbrother.
Life Metaphor: money can’t buy happiness.
Arc: selfishness to humility.
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: To hold onto his family, Terri agrees to help Ronni rob a bank.
Middle: Terri kills Ronni to survive on the boat. Terri Kills Ronni to keep the money
End: Terri survives the boat explosion, but Izzy kills him before rescue arrives.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Terri lies to his wife, Kat, about going to work and instead steals money with half-brother, Ronni, and Ronni’s gal, Rose. They steal a headstone from the city.
2 – Terri promises Kat, he will stop helping Ronni after she threatens to leave him: It’s another lie.
3 – Terri gets beat up by local mob boss, Red, and threatened with more violence after discovering Ronni mauled Red’s car.
4 – After a couple failed scams, Terri helps Ronni and Rose rob a bank.
5 – Terri escapes to an unoccupied fishing boat with Ronni and Rose to hide from police. They learn it is carrying drugs and cash for Red.
6 – Terri, Ronni, and Rose commandeer the boat taking Diesel, Izzy, and Red captive.
7 – Terri learns how to operate the boat.
8 – Terri befriends Izzy.
9 – Terri is threatened by Red’s henchman. He must keep Red alive. His family’s lives depend on it. But Ronni kills Red.
10 – Terri is threatened by Ronni who’s losing his mind to thoughts of betrayal.
11 – Terri conspires with Izzy and Rose to stop Ronni.
12 – Terri apologizes to Kat for his selfish behavior and tells her to retrieve the stash of money he has hidden and leave South Boston,
12 – Terri kills Ronni to revenge the loss of his family.
13 – Terri survives the boat explosion with Izzy. He’s badly injured. They agree to an alibi and plan to keep whatever riches are left. But at the sound of rescue, Izzy drowns him.
IMPOROVEMENT: Changed “Middle Story” from Terri kills Ronni to stay alive to Terri Kills Ronni to keep the money. It adds more depth to his character by allowing more opportunities to “take action” instead of always reacting to action.
2 – RONNI (24)
Role: low level, criminal sociopath/half-brother/boyfriend.
Ch. Traits: compulsive, abusive, self-destructive, confident
Flaw: jealousy
Ch. Logline: Ronni is a destructive criminal who eliminates anyone and anything in his path to get what he wants.
Mission: to punish his dad.
Secret: losing his mind
Life Metaphor: cut off your nose to spite your face.
Arc: mean to deadly. Bully to killer.
Uniqueness: big as hulk for his age
Thing He Won’t Admit: respect for his dad
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Ronni damages the local mob boss’s car and hides in Rose’s apartment from Red. He needs money to save his ass from him, but all the worthless scams aren’t enough. So he talks his half-brother, Terri, and Rose into helping rob a bank. They hide in a boat.
Middle: Ronni commandeers the boat taking Izzy, Diesel, and Red captive with a million in cash and a ton of drugs onboard. He turns psychotic and deadly killing Red after Red revealed that Ronni was his son. Delusional of betrayals from Terri and Rose, he kills Rose.
End: Ronni eventually turns on Terri, but Terri kills him.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – After a beatdown from local thugs, Ronni destroys Red’s (local mob boss) classic car out of jealousy and rage.
2 – Ronni steals headstone from the city to ransom back for July 4<sup>th</sup>.
3 – Ronni parties with his moll, Rose, and Terri, but he’s always humiliating them.
4 – Ronni learns that Red is after him for the car damage and realizes all his petty scams won’t cover the money, he plans to give Red. So he forces Terri and Rose to rob a bank with him.
5 – Ronni escapes police to an unoccupied boat with Terri and Rose and discovers it’s loaded with Red’s money and illegal drugs.
6 – Reckless, Ronni commandeers the boat capturing Izzy, Diesel, and Red, forces them into a raging storm to hideout.
7 – Ronni revels in his authority over Red. It goes to his head. He starts emulating Red by beating Diesel and ordering everyone around.
8 – Ronni begins imagining everyone conspiring against him for the money and kills Red after Red reveals that He is Ronni’s father.
9 – Ronni’s mental breakdown escalates as the storm turns deadly and more threats emerge. He kills Rose believing she betrayed him and threatens to kill Terri and his family.
10 – Witnessing Terri tossing drugs into the ocean, Ronni pursues him on deck and stabs Terri leaving him for dead. But Terri survives and sneak attacks Ronni a final time before he and Izzy toss Ronni overboard to death.
IMPOROVEMENT: Changed his arc from mean to deadly to bully to killer. It is a better character description of his action.
3 – ROSE (21)
Role: Ronni’s girlfriend
Flaw: artless
Ch. Traits: fierce, faithful, candid, naïve
Ch. Logline: Ronni’s gun moll who would go to hell and back for him.
Mission: to please Ronni
Arc: faithful to disloyal
Secret: jealous of Terri’s marriage to Kat
Thing She Won’t Admit: Terri is cuter than Ronni
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Rose helps Ronni and Terri steal a headstone from the city to ransom back on July 4<sup>th</sup>. The plan fails. So she helps Ronni rob a bank.
Middle: Rose hides from police with Ronni and Terri in a boat which they learn carries millions in cash and illegal drugs owned by Red. She defends Ronni throughout after capturing Izzy, Diesel, Red and the boat out to sea.
End: Ronni turns paranoid delusional believing that Rose betrayed him and kills her.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Rose steals a headstone with Ronni and Terri
2 – Rose parties at her apartment with Ronni and Terri, accepting of all his humiliating remarks.
3 – Rose hurts a client to get off work early and meets Ronni and Terri with a car.
4 – Rose robs a bank with Ronni and Terri and hides from police with them in a fishing boat.
5 – Rose helps Ronni and Terri capture Izzy, Diesel, Red and the boat and head out to sea into a storm.
6 – Rose goes out of her way to help defend Ronni’s behavior: he’s beating Diesel to much and threatening everyone, but her. She brandishes a gun and does whatever Ronni instructs her to do.
7 – Rose conspires to help Terri and Izzy capture Ronni to stop him from his dangerous behavior. Especially after witnessing Ronni kill Red.
8 – Rose is killed by Ronni after he senses her fear and believes she betrayed him with the others onboard.
IMPOROVEMENT: none.
4 – IZZY (40s)
Role: cheating wife/girlfriend
Ch. Traits: deceitful, selfish, controlling, gambler
Flaw: too self-reliant
Ch. Logline: Izzy is a white trash, femme fatale with brains fighting to get out of a trapped marriage for lack of money.
Mission: get rich and exit her life and marriage
Life Metaphor: take what life gives you
Thing She Won’t Admit: hates her boyfriend, Diesel.
Secret: to have sex with young men. to avenge every male bully in her life.
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Izzy leaves Gloucester and meets Diesel in Boston. They have a life changing appointment with Red.
Middle: Izzy and Diesel meet Red and agree on a deal concerning the money that Red brought them and the illegal drugs hidden on deck before Ronni, Terri, and Rose capture them and the boat out sea into a storm where she operates the boat while luring Terri and rose into killing Ronni.
End: Izzy survives the boat explosion and drowns Terry. A helicopter rescues her to Cape Cod and hospital after telling police she was a victim on the boat.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Izzy travels to Boston in search of work and to lose her lazy husband for a day. She meets for lunch with a secret lover, Diesel, who owns a fishing boat there and tells her husband that she’s stuck in the city.
2 – Izzy and Diesel return to the boat. Red arrives with cash, and they discuss a plan for the illegal drugs hidden on deck.
3 – Izzy, Diesel, and Red are captured by Ronni, Terri, and Rose. The boat forced into a storm at sea.
4 – Izzy operates the boat whenever Ronni beats Diesel.
5 – Izzy attempts to talk Terri and Rose to let her call police for help.
6 – Izzy befriends Terri.
7 – Izzy is assaulted by Ronni.
8 – Izzy convinces Terri and Rose to help capture Ronni to stop him from harming anyone after he kills Red.
9 – Izzy attempts to get rid of Terri and Ronni by firing a flare pistol at them. She starts a fire on board.
10 – Izzy survives the explosion with Terri and drowns him before rescue arrives.
11 – Izzy is rescued by helicopter to Cape Cod and the hospital after telling police she was the victim on the boat.
IMPOROVEMENT: Changed Izzy’s secret from wanting to have sex with young men to avenging every male bully in her life. This new character goal heightens her attitude to the macho men on the boat and her refusal to submit to them.
5 – RED (55)
Role: mob boss/dad
Ch. Traits: cold-blooded, sadistic, confident, vengeful
Flaw: arrogance
Ch. Logline: Red is a brutal mob boss and drug dealer who would stop at nothing to maintain his power over South Boston.
Mission: to become more powerful through dealing drugs
Secret: who is his son, Terri or Ronni?
Thing He Won’t Admit: Love for Ronni
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Red orchestrates a drug smuggling operation while trying to harm Ronni for smashing his car.
Middle: Red is captured and humiliated by Ronni after Ronni, Terri, and Rose overtake the fishing boat out into a storm.
End: Red messes with Ronni’s behavior to seize back control, but when he tells Ronni that Ronni is his son, Ronni kills him.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Ronni has his thugs beat up Ronni, but Ronni wrecks his car.
2 – Red oversees a shipment of drugs from one boat to another.
3 – Red releases a coward cop under his control after helping him dodge the drug unit.
4 – Red and Fitz, his hit man, grab a duffel of money after hunting down Terri.
5 – Red and Fitz arrive on boat and meet Izzy and Diesel. They discuss the cash he brought and the hidden illegal drugs on deck.
6 – Red takes besting from Ronni after Ronni tosses Fitz overboard to drown, and Ronni, Terri, and Rose steal the boat away to sea into a storm.
7 – Red is humiliated by Ronni but manages to control Ronni’s by psyching him out with lies about betrayal.
8 – Until he crosses a line telling Ronni that he is his father. Red finally loses control and Ronni kills him.
IMPOROVEMENT: none
6 – DIESEL (60)
Role: boat owner, fisherman/boyfriend
Ch. Traits: reckless, narcissistic, stubborn, witless
Flaw: cocky
Ch. Logline: Diesel is an aging fisherman desperate to hold onto his virility and eager to exit the failing fishing business by smuggling drugs.
Mission: to get rich without fishing
Thing He Won’t Admit: he hates taking orders from Izzy
Secret: he knows Izzy is just using him
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Diesel leaves Gloucester in his boat and picks up a load of illegal drugs at sea before docking in Boston and having lunch with Izzy.
Middle: After meeting with Red over their drug deal, Ronni, Terri, and Rose overtake the boat and force Diesel to sail out to sea into a storm where Ronni continues to beat him.
End: After assisting in killing Ronni, Diesel dies in the boat explosion.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Diesel receives drugs onto his boat at sea.
2 – Diesel secures deck of his boat docked in Boston.
3 – Diesel meets his gal, Izzy, for lunch.
4 – Diesel returns to boat with Izzy and meet Red.
5 – Diesel is overpowered by Ronni and forced to take his boat out to sea into a storm.
6 – Diesel is beat into submission by Ronni and follows his every command.
7 – Diesel conspires with Izzy to get rid of everyone and keep the money and drugs.
8 – Diesel saves the boat in the storm.
9 – Diesel helps kill Ronni as the boat is afire.
10 – Diesel attempts to flee the fire but dies in the boat explosion.
IMPOROVEMENT: none
7 – KAT (20)
Role: wife and mother
Ch. Traits: skeptical, tenacious, malcontent, loyal
Flaw: too romantic
Ch. Logline: Kat is a strong, young wife and Mom who believes the only way to save their failing marriage is if Terri goes to work and abandons Ronni and their criminal dreams.
Arc: fear of being a single mom to finding courage to leave her husband
Secret: move as far away as possible from South Boston
Life Metaphor: fool’s paradise
OVERALL STORY:
Beginning: Kat and her child, Bryanne, put up with Terri’s lies about working. She knows he gets their money from stealing with Ronni and forgives Terri again, knowing he lied about working at the Boston Globe.
Middle: After Kat discovers Terri robbed a bank and is running from police, she decides to leave him.
End: She recovers a stash of cash Terri has hidden and leaves South Boston.
CHARACTER BEATS: BROAD STROKES
1 – Kat is up early with Bryanne waiting for Terri to come home after supposedly working all night at the Boston Globe. She confronts him, knowing that he’ lying to her once again.
2 – Before Terri goes to work, she wants him to tell her the truth, but he’s doesn’t. She allows him to keep the lie, afraid to lose their marriage and hoping for change. He promises to change and the make love.
3 – Kat learns that Terri robbed a bank and tells him that she’s leaving him.
4 – Kat retrieves Terri’s secret stash of cash and leaves South Boston.
IMPOROVEMENT: none
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Gregory’s Character Story Beats
What I learned from doing this assignment is that Hal is right, that separating and then elevating parts of individual character’s story makes this clearer and easier to improve and elevate.
1) CONNOR MURPHY
Profile: His traits are loyal, resourceful, patient, indulgent
Subtext: He doesn’t believe in the law. Not anymore.
Overall Story
Beginning: Sets out to solve an assigned murder case
Middle: Realizes the murder was committed by his wife, decides to cover for her
End: Deter everyone who might still be pursuing his wife
Beats, broad strokes:
1)Connor takes on a murder case
2)Connor covers for his wife, the murderer
*3)Connor goes to an extreme to keep his wife out of jail
IMPROVEMENT:
One part of Connor’s story that can be elevated is how Connor goes about deterring those pursing his wife. Maybe I could have Connor confess to the crime and go to jail in her stead. This would also be going to an extreme to protect his wife without jumping immediately to murder. Then maybe he’s busted out of jail by his wife! Then, like it or not, he himself is now a fugitive.
2) MALLORY MURPHY
Profile: Her traits are kind, hospitable, insecure, psychopathic
Subtext: She doesn’t get mad, she gets even.
Overall Story
Beginning: Struggles to keep her impulses under control
Middle: Gives in to her killer impulses and commits two murders
End: Lives to express her impulses freely
Beats, broad strokes:
*1)Mallory kills the UPS guy
2)Mallory goes on a crusade to eliminate “unsavory men” from her town
3)Mallory teams up with her husband to take on those pursuing them
IMPROVEMENT:
One way I can improve Mallory’s story is that instead of a UPS guy I could have her first victim be Shannon’s husband (calling him DYLAN for now), and Mallory has the intention of telling Dylan that Shannon is having an affair behind his back. Only she’s not; Dylan and Shannon apparently have an open relationship and Dylan comes onto Mallory aggressively. This leads to Mallory killing Dylan.
3) WESTON TRENT
Profile: His traits are driven, suspicious, curious, unorthodox
Subtext: He’s willing to cross the line to achieve an objective
Overall Story
Beginning: Sets out to solve a murder case he was hired privately to solve
Middle: Thinks he got his man, or in this case his woman
End: Realizes he’s been duped and goes rogue
Beats, broad strokes:
1)Weston starts a private investigation on the murder
2)Weston has Shannon arrested
*3)Weston kidnaps Connor and prepares to kill Mallory as revenge
IMPROVEMENT:
A private detective going rogue and wanting to kidnap and murder two criminals himself seems unlikely. Maybe he could be determined to arrest both Mallory and Connor, and not just Connor when he confesses.
4) SHANNON DOYLE
Profile: Her traits are pompous, nosy, competitive, vicious
Subtext: She only sees value in herself if she wins
Overall Story
*Beginning: Has an affair with UPS guy
*Middle: Reports on Mallory but then has the tables turned on her by Connor and gets arrested herself
End: Escapes from jail and attacks those who framed her
Beats, broad strokes:
1)Shannon witnesses Mallory with the future victim at the club
2)Shannon turns in Mallory
3)Shannon takes advantage of everyone at the station being poisoned to escape from jail
IMPROVEMENT:
Shannon getting framed so readily by Connor seems unlikely. Maybe there is evidence that Shannon was PLANNING on killing her husband Dylan (as opposed to the UPS guy) and Shannon gets arrested due to a high life insurance policy taken out recently on her husband (who was then coincidentally murdered by Mallory). So it’s mostly bad timing that leads to her arrest rather than a half-ass frame job by Connor.
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Benito Selim’s Character story beats
What I learned doing this assignment is by giving beats to your characters you can make them more interesting and elevate their story. Some characters you may find don’t fit into your story at all.
Protagonist: Kayla Evans
The Naïve party girl yearning for acceptance.
Beginning: Kayla plans to flake on her sister to join friends and a love interest in Key West for spring break.
Middle: Kayla invites Lynette on the trip.
End: Kayla and Lynette mend their relationship and find it’s more important to live happy together.
-Kayla parties all the time instead of focusing on school. She meets a boy Brian who plays on the football team.
-Kayla has plans to go with her sister Lynette to visit their parents during spring break.
-Kayla joins a sorority and her sisters invite her to key west for spring break.
-Kayla plans to flake on her sister, but is informed the trip is canceled, so she invites her sister.
-Kayla and Lynette begin to bond when they are thrown into being stranded in the everglades.
-Kayla goes into survival mode and remembers what Lynette taught her though she thought it was boring at the time.
-Kayla learns of Megan’s deceit with Brian. Lynette is the only one who has her back.
-Kayla takes the lead to make sure her, Lynette and Candy survive.
-Kayla puts her fear behind her to fight alongside the rescue team.
-Kayla and Lynette survive which makes her re-evaluate life with her sister and make it count.
Antagonist: Lynette Evans
The socially awkward academic who is punished under her own genius.
Beginning: Lynette is an overachiever and constantly giving scolding those around her.
Middle: Lynette reluctantly agrees to go on a trip with Kayla.
End: Lynette and Kayla mend their relationship; she no sees Kayla as irresponsible.
-Lynette takes college extremely seriously and has no social life.
-Lynette is always getting on Kayla and her friends about putting academics first, particularly Kayla.
-Lynette constantly nags Kayla about schoolwork, house duties, and even dating, this is how she always gets her way, especially with her parents.
-Lynette is distraught when her parents go on vacation and tell her not to come home for spring break, they suggest doing something with Kayla.
-Lynette is reluctant to go on a trip with Kayla, Megan, and Candy, but agrees. She feels like an outcast.
-Lynette decides to let her guard down and support Kayla with Brian. She does question why Megan is so close to him.
-Lynette enjoys educating the girls on wildlife in the everglades, even if she knows Megan and Candy are being fake.
-Lynette becomes the peacemaker amongst the girls when tension rise after being stranded.
-Lynette takes on a maternal role by caring for Candy when she is injured. For once she looks to Kayla as her big sister and guidance.
-Lynette supports Kayla and fights alongside her and the rescue team with survival the only option.
-Lynette and Kayla survive which makes her re-evaluate life with her sister and make it count.
Connecting character: Candy Stevens
The clueless sweetheart who lives a superficial life and denies seeing the harsh real world.
Beginning: Candy only cares about being popular, boys and parties
Middle: Candy is lost when stranded in the everglades and is desperate for help
End: Candy has a new outlook on life and wants to change, despite it being cut short.
-Candy’s biggest dilemma in life is choosing between where to party and who to date.
-Candy is strung along by Dennis, the star football player, who has a girlfriend. He convinces her to go to Key West for spring break.
-Candy faces the fact with her friends that Dennis will never commit to her.
-Candy decides to enjoy herself despite still being hung on Dennis. She enjoys the everglades tour.
-Candy tries to convince herself that being stranded in the glades will be an easy fix, unfortunately, it’s not.
-Candy sides with Kayla and doesn’t agree with Megan’s relationship with Brian.
-Candy is traumatized from the beginning of the alligator’s terror.
– Candy suffers a major injury to her leg. Having no other options for survival, Candy has her leg amputated to get to safety.
-Candy feels confident for once when she fights along the Evan’s sisters. Their support to survive makes her realize what life is about.
-Candy wants to live and does her all to survive until she, unfortunately, meets her demise.
Supporting character for Protagonist: Megan Smith
The privileged heiress who believes everything revolves around her.
Beginning: Megan has never worked a day in her life and is only in college to collect an inheritance.
Middle: Megan is forced to work as a team to survive despite her hating so. She’s too selfish.
End: Megan attempts to stay strong and fight back but is defeated by the everglades.
-Megan is used to getting her way and doesn’t take no for an answer.
-Megan guilt trips Kayla into going to Key West for spring break.
-Megan is annoyed and doesn’t hide when Lynette joins the girls for spring break.
-Megan takes the detour leading to the everglades, she passes stranded motorists not wanting to help them, they meet their ends with the alligators as a result.
-Megan loosens up a little bit in the everglades as she is generally enjoying the park, despite constantly throwing shade towards Lynette.
-Megan encounters traffic on the way out of the park and grows impatient, she takes the service road which leads to the girls getting stranded in the everglades.
-Megan tries to deny the group is in trouble and begins to think of ways to get herself out.
-Megan confesses to Kayla that Brian is using her just to get tutoring from Lynette, she also admits she’s been sleeping with him.
-Megan doesn’t feel guilty but wants to live and joins the others to fight off the alligators,
-Megan meets her end at the hands of the new enemy, the python.
Supporting character for Antagonist: Dr. Aaron Lender
The Herpetologist researching the next big study to begin his legacy in the reptile world.
Beginning: Aaron is the newest herpetologist but has more knowledge than the vets.
Middle: Aaron takes on the opportunity to assist on the reptile attacks.
End: Aaron solves the mystery, creates a new area of study for reptiles and discovers a new breed of python.
-Aaron strives in his career field to bring more to the table than his colleagues, this is almost always overlooked.
-Aaron maintains a good relationship with his mentors who are highly respected Herpetologists.
-Aaron is presented an opportunity to assist the sheriff’s department on a mysterious alligator attack at a new housing development. They are stuck as to why; Aaron is a well.
-Aaron takes samples from the crime scene and conducts a study. He discovers the paint at the housing development is causing reptiles to act aggressively and attack.
-Aaron waits to share his research with his department and instead tells law enforcement first in hopes of pushing the case along, it works. Aaron wants to be the soul herpetologist on the case.
-Aaron joins the sheriff in the everglades where they team up with the rangers, they are presented with the missing girls and the case goes way left.
-Aaron follows with Ranger Banks and Sims to find the girls, along the journey he discovers a new breed of Python. It’s bigger than the normal largest size. This is a scientific breakthrough for him.
-Aaron gets sidetracked thinking about his successful finds and is almost killed while meeting up with the surviving girls.
-Aaron acts fast to join in the fight knowing if he dies so does his legacy.
-Aaron and the group successfully fight off the alligators and Pythons, but just as they think the horror is over Python 1 nearly kills them. The python is killed instead.
-Aaron preserves the Python and presents to his new class the carcass for examination. Unfortunately, the python carries aggressive baby alligators who get his assistant.
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Althea’s Character Story Beats
What I learned from this assignment is that isolating characters and cutting to the broad stroke beats will reveal opportunities to bring more depth to the characters
LOGLINE: Missing her deceased mother and desperate to grow up, a plant-loving middle schooler secretly plays matchmaker for her Father, using a popular dating app.
Character Name : Roberta (Bobbie)
Role: Middle schooler/daughter
Core Character Traits:
– Sensitive intellectual
– Reserved
– High Achiever
– Focused
– Stubborn
Character Subtext Logline: Bobbie is a teenager who wants to distract her Father so she can act more grown up.
Flaw: Too stubborn to see the community of support around her.
Life Metaphor/identity: She will always be Daddy’s little girl.
Mission: Find a girlfriend for her Father
Want: More independence, Acceptance Need: Love, Security,
Character Arc: Goes from feeling alone to valuing the community of support she has.
ROBERTA (BOBBIE’S) OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Generally sad, missing her mother, spends a lot of time in plant room. Tries makeup because of Monaglenn’s comments. Dad sees and yells at her. She cries and Al is brought to life.
Middle: All against Al’s advice, Bobbie arranges dates for her father without his knowledge, has a fight at youth group meeting, invites all dates to Father’s book signing. Goes to Kendrick’s party, kisses him, saves Monaglenn from DeVonte’, makes public apology.
End: Apologizes to father, gives Monaglenn a chance, goes on picnic with Kendrick.
Character Name: Robert Gladden, MD
Role: Father/Physician, Best selling Author
Core Character Traits:
– Charming
– Responsible
– Short fuse
– Workaholic
Character Subtext Logline: Robert feels a disconnect between him and his daughter since the passing of his wife 2 years ago that causes him to hold on too tightly.
Flaws: Confident bordering on arrogance.
Doubts that he can make a real connection with Bobbie.
Life Metaphor/identity: I can understand the mysteries of the brain but can’t have a meaningful relationship with my daughter.
Want: Better relationship with Bobbie Need: Love, Faith
Character Arc: Goes from unsure around Bobbie to more hopeful about their relationship.
ROBERT’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Successful book signing, meets Adira
Middle: Struggles with idea of Bobbie growing up. Goes on “dates” at his public events that are setup by Bobbie without his knowledge.
End: Listens to Bobbie, reveals that her mother also could hear plants, works with and gets to know Adira.
Character Name: Adira Holloway
Role: Dating app developer/potential love interest for Robert
Core Character Traits:
– Risk Taker
– Resilient
– Driven
– Dreamer
Character Subtext Logline: Hurt from many previous relationships, Adira creates a dating app so everyone else can fall in love.
Flaw: Workaholic
Life Metaphor/Identity: Dedicating her life to the happiness of others.
Want: Prove she can be successful apart from her Father.
Need: Love, Better life balance
Character Arc: Goes from no time for romance to seeing Robert as a possible love interest.
ADIRA’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Break up with Marcus
Middle: App is successful, overhears Bobbie created profile without father’s knowledge, invited to book signing, Father in hospital
End: Talks business with Robert, sits with Robert in church
Character Name: Aloysius Helianthus (Al)
Role: Bobbie’s conscious, voice of reason
Core Character Traits:
– Honest
– Blunt
– Goofy sense of humor
– Optimistic
Character subtext Logline: Al is a sunflower with a full understanding of seasons and the necessary cycles of life who lives to teach Bobbie the value of living fully in each season.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Unwavering faith and unconditional love
Want: Bobbie to trust her loving network
Character Arc: Comes to life through Bobbie’s tears, has a few days of big blossom and ends with death leaving behind sunflower seeds, then fully restored with Evie watching Bobbie and Kendrick, unseen.
ALOYSIUS’(Al) OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Comes to life from Bobbie’s tears
Middle: Counsel Bobbie about seasons, cycles and tries to dissuade her from creating dating profile and going to Kendrick’s party.
End: Dies leaving seeds but is seen restored watching over Bobbie and Kendrick on a picnic
Character Name: Monaglenn
Role: Nemesis to Bobbie/ New girl
Core Character Traits:
– Typical Mean girl
– Snooty
– Jealous of Bobbie’s apparent confidence
Character Subtext Logline: Monaglenn is a bully who recently moved to town and is won over by Bobbie’s act of kindness.
Flaws: Angry and mean on purpose.
Life Metaphor/Identity: Queen Bee
Want: Followers, To move back to Charlotte Need: Love, a hug, approval
MONAGLENN’S OVERALL STORY
Beginning: Talks about Bobbie’s lack of style and makeup, Bully at church
Middle: Shows snobbish attitude, gets drunk at party, talks about being home sick and is rescued by Bobbie.
End: Wants to be friends
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Leo’s Character Story Beats
What I learned doing this assignment is that this is a useful methodology. It created good ideas.
Character 1: Acadia
PROFILE
Role: Protagonist. Owner of Academy for the Lively Arts
Core Character Traits: caring, talented, emotionally vulnerable, reality-based
Character Subtext Logline: After an unfortunate, lonely childhood, Acadia is coming into her own, but tends to sarcasm to hide feelings and needs.
Flaw: Pessimistic because she keeps losing people
World View: Doesn’t believe in the supernatural
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Brokenhearted and discouraged because of the loss of her husband and the vandalizing of her music school.
· Finds new hope when she discovers supernatural powers.
· Makes a personal sacrifice for the children of her school.
BEATS
Heartbroken at loss of her husband in Iraq.
Discovers her music school has been vandalized and her janitor is missing.
Wants to quit, but delays because of community support and a purchase offer from Fabien.
Investigates purchase offer and ends up fighting her way out of an ambush.
Rejects Bianca’s supernatural explanation of events and fires her.
She commits to protecting the kids in her school.
Tries to use military skills to find the cause of her problems but no progress.
Reproachment with Bianca and agrees to try her way.
Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie.
With Ben’s help attacks Vampire lair but is repulsed.
Another attack on her school convinces her to undergo Voodoo basic training.
Bianca and Acadia raise Ben’s military ancestors, creating zombie army.
Acadia and Ben lead an attack on Vampire lair but again are repulsed.
Acadia about to give up when Fabien kidnaps her students.
Acadia devises new, stealthier plan.
Acadia saves the kids, but she dies in the process.
Acadia and Ben reunited in the afterlife.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie.”
IMPROVEMENT
I think I have made her conversion from non-believer to voodoo queen too easy. This needs to be more of a trauma.
“Sees Bianca raise her husband Ben as a zombie, thinks she has gone crazy and runs amok.”
Character 2: Fabien
PROFILE
Role: Antagonist. Wants to get control of Academy for the Lively Arts because it is over a demonic portal.
Core Character Traits: Arrogance, charm, duplicity
Character Subtext Logline: Fabien hates himself but wants power to take revenge on the city he blames for making him evil.
Flaw: He trusts no one
Secret: He’s a vampire.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Serves a demon and rules a coven of vampires.
· Is winning battle with Acadia to give him the power to wreak vengeance on New Orleans.
· Underestimates Acadia and is destroyed.
BEATS
Appears at funeral of Acadia’s husband.
Makes human sacrifice to demon.
Unleashes demonic attack on Acadia’s school.
Sneaks demonic artifact into school to spy on Acadia.
Tries to get Acadia to sell the building to him.
Uses teenage Mia and innocent younger children to sabotage Acadia.
Tries to recruit Bianca to his side.
Threatens police detective helping Acadia.
Makes second effort to recruit Bianca.
Fabien becomes aware of the zombies and plans a trap for Bianca and Acadia.
Springs trap but fails.
Fabien begs Demon he serves for help.
Fabien conducts false flag operation making Zombies think they are being used for evil.
Fabien traps Ben and Acadia and kidnaps her students.
Threatens to kill students if Acadia does not cooperate.
Falls victim to Acadia’s commitment to her students.
Returns at Acadia’s wake, but is defeated by Zombie Ben.
PART TO IMPROVE
He’s not scary and evil enough.
“Makes second effort to recruit Bianca.”
“Fabien becomes aware of the zombies and plans a trap for Bianca and Acadia.”
“Springs trap but fails.”
IMPROVEMENT
“Makes second effort to recruit Bianca. When she refuses, he attacks her.”
“While attacking innocent people, Fabien becomes aware of zombies and plans trap for Bianca and Acadia.”
“Springs trap but fails, so attacks children’s parents”
Character 3: Bianca
Role: Mentor to Acadia and secretly a Voodoo Queen.
Core Character Traits: Caring, charitable, creative, and strong willed.
Character Subtext Logline: Wants to help Acadia because of all the good she is doing for the kids in the neighborhood, but needs to hide her voodoo connection.
Flaw: Impulsive
Secret: She had an affair with Fabien when they were young, and she has never found another man.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Works at Acadia’s dance studio and is also a supportive friend.
· Reveals herself as Voodoo Queen
· Releases Ben and ancestors back into spirit world
BEATS
Comforts Acadia at Ben’s funeral.
Discovers vandalism of school with Acadia.
She suspects supernatural causes.
Tries to warn Acadia about Fabien, but not taken seriously.
Bianca confirms suspicions about Fabien.
Reveals her voodoo connections to Acadia, who fires her.
Bianca continues to observe and guard the school.
Acadia sees what Bianca is doing and they have a reproachment.
Bianca offers to raise Ben from the dead.
While gathering herbs for the ceremony, she is confronted, then attacked by Fabien.
Bianca raises Ben as a Zombie.
After Ben and Acadia fail to invade the Vampire resting place, Ben asks Bianca to restore his military ancestors.
Bianca has never done anything this big, so she convinces Acadia to help her.
Bianca and Acadia fall into a trap set by Fabien, but escape with the help of a student.
Bianca trains Acadia in voodoo, but Acadia runs amok, and Bianca and Ben must get her under control.
Bianca and Acadia bring Ben’s military relatives back as zombies.
During attack on vampire lair, Bianca and Acadia nearly fall to demons.
Bianca presides over “School Closing Concert”.
After Fabien kidnaps kids, Bianca assists with one last attack.
Bianca presides over Acadia’s wake, then, after Ben defeats zombie Fabien, she releases Ben back into the spirit world.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Bianca presides over Acadia’s wake, then, after Ben defeats zombie Fabien, she releases Ben back into the spirit world.”
IMPROVEMENT
Use Bianca to give even a happier end to the story. One more beat:
“Bianca leading children in song at the Acadia Academy.”
Character 4: Ben
Role: Sidekick/Guardian for Acadia
Core Character Traits: loyal, brave
Flaw: Physically weak in Zombie form compared to when he was alive.
Want/Need: To see Acadia happy again
Character Arc: Confusion about what has happened to acceptance of the spiritual world.
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Lost husband to Acadia
· As Zombie, helps save Acadia and her students
· Kills risen Fabien and joins Acadia in the afterlife.
BEATS
Acadia remembers Ben
Ben is brought back as a zombie.
Ben adjusts to new reality.
Ben and Acadia try to enter vampire lair, but he almost drops Acadia.
Ben proposes that Bianca bring back his military ancestors as a Zombie Army.
After Acadia gets Voodoo powers and wanders off, Ben and Bianca must save her.
Fabien makes zombies fight among themselves and Ben and Acadia must restore order.
Attack by Ben, Acadia and zombies goes wrong.
Ben and Acadia come up with deceptive plan.
Ben leads deception while Acadia goes after vampires.
Ben saves kids, but Acadia is killed as she destroys vampires.
Fabien returns as a Zombie Vampire and Ben defeats him.
Ben joins Acadia in the Spirit World.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Ben adjusts to new reality.”
IMPROVEMENT
This was all dialogue so add action.
“Ben adjusts to new reality after encountering unexpected creatures in graveyard.”
Character 5: Mia
Role: Cotagonist. Teenage Mia wants to help Acadia, but her hidden personal problems and moral choices create problems for Acadia.
Core Character Traits: Passionate, morally confused
Character Subtext Logline: Mia’s desperation to find help for her disabled mother causes her to make choices she must hide from everyone.
Flaw: Lacks moral compass
Mission/Agenda: Get money for her mom
Secret: She has done favors for Fabien in return for money
BEGINNING – MIDDLE – END
· Seems to be good helper to Acadia
· Becomes servant of Fabien
· Becomes Vampire but is killed by Fabien.
BEATS
Mia comforts Acadia at Funeral.
Mia helps around studio.
When Fabien demands to be invited into the school, Mia invites him in.
Mia meets with Fabien and performs tasks in return for money.
Mia gives bad instructions to kids at school.
Mia visits mother and gives her money.
Mia gives Acadia a lead to investigate which results in Acadia being ambushed.
Acadia tells Mia to get out of school.
Fabien gives her assignment to harass local priest.
Mia keeps attack on vampires from being successful.
Mia as a vampire tries to defend Acadia, but Fabien kills her.
PART TO IMPROVE
“Mia as a vampire tries to defend Acadia, but Fabien kills her.”
IMPROVEMENT
Keep her as a familiar to Fabien.
“Mia must choose between becoming a vampire and saving Acadia. When she chooses Acadia, Fabien kills her.”
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What I learned doing this assignment is: Wow…. Made SO many changes to the script, outline, etc. to reflect the changes in the characters that resulted from this exercise. It became more relevant to expose extreme character traits that defined the characters and their relationships far better.
Diana / Character Story Beats
Take your top five characters through this Character Beats process by following these steps.
1. Give us their Character Profile.
2. Tell us the character’s beginning, middle, and end in one sentence each.
3. List out the beats of their story — either with details or broad strokes.
4. Select at least one part of their story that could be improved. Separate it out and brainstorm ways to elevate it.
5. Tell us the improvement you are making to that character’s story.
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Character #1 – Dakarai ‘Kai’ Richards / Protagonist
Kai’s the heir-apparent to a big-game hunting lodge run by his sadistic father. His mother, a blended European / Maasai woman has given Kai his truth – he is Maasai at heart. He escapes his tortured life in Africa to start a new life in Australia with his best childhood mate, Adam Jackson.
Core Character Traits: Captivating, Defiant, Fearless
Beginning: Kai leaves his warrior life and friends behind for a fresh start outside of his brutal father’s grasp and painful memories.
Middle: Kai finds he is unexpectedly drawn to his ‘polar opposite’, Tara a wildlife conservationist and falls in love with her but doesn’t know how to reach her.
End: Kai risks everything to protect and defend the new life he’s chosen, one with Tara by his side.
Character Beats:
· Kai loses his oldest friend, breaks ties with his father
· Kai leaves Africa and arrives in Australia
· Kai finds Adam’s been lying to him and fights addictions
· Kai starts to fall for Tara
· Kai and Tara have a huge falling out
· Kai and Tara find mutual ground and move towards a solution
· Kai defends Tara and tries to save Adam from himself
· Kai becomes the hero of his own story
· Love prevails
IMPROVEMENT: Added vulnerability to Kai’s character, which adds to his depth without detracting from his strength.
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Character #2 – Martin Richards / Antagonist
Martin is a monster, pure and simple. He takes great joy in hurting others and feels entitled to all within his reach. He raped Kai’s mother as a young woman, forced her to marry him, used Kai as his bargaining chip with the Maasai and made their life a living hell. He had a long-standing affair with Adam’s mother – fathering him as well. When he’s ‘done’ with you, you disappear – he believes he is untouchable.
Core Character Traits: Sadistic, Ruthless, Entitled
Beginning: Martin pushes Kai over the edge by ruthlessly killing his oldest friend, a lion he grew up with, in order to gain complete dominance over Kai. To Martin’s disbelief, Kai escapes Africa.
Middle: Martin continues to hunt for Kai, wanting to finish him off. Unknown to him, his former brother-in-law, DIG Zuberi is hot on his trail
End: Martin tracks Kai to Australia, manipulates Adam into doing his dirty work, and names Adam his heir. He faces off at the park with Kai and Tara, Adam bounds in to save Kai, they struggle over a gun and Adam is shot. Enraged Martin turns the gun on Kai, only to be shot flat out by DIG Zuberi.
Character Beats:
· Martin is established as king of the castle
· Martin and Kai have a complete falling out
· Martin’s illegal gaming activities and corruption continue
· Martin is being watched by DIG Zuberi, without knowledge
· Martin contacts Adam and finds Kai exactly where he thought he would
· Martin sends his men ahead to Australia to attack the sanctuary
· Martin lands in Australia, final manipulation of Adam
· Martin shows up at the sanctuary to take control and rid himself of Kai
· Martin pulls a gun on Tara threatens to shoot her. Admits he did the same to Kai’s mother as she protected the wildlife
· Martin and Kai have a final confrontation
· Martin accidently shoots Adam
· Martin stands ready to kill Kai and is fatally shot by DIG Zuberi
IMPROVEMENT: Increased the level of sadistic evil that he is, resulting in a big cheer all the way around upon his death.
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Character #3 – Adam Jackson ‘AJ’
Adam is drowning in self-pity, resentful of Tara and looking for a way out. Growing up in Africa with Kai, on the grounds of the hunting lodge, he’s always been blind to the evil Martin Richards has inflicted on those around him, instead thinking he was a man to be admired. After a painful motorbike injury Adam’s become addicted to pain meds and alcohol. He won’t take responsibility and instead blames Tara and looks to Kai as his savior.
Core Character Traits: Resentful, Impulsive, Persuasive
Beginning: A lost soul in pain looking for a way out, a fresh start. Adam turns to Kai – his ‘brother’ from his childhood life in Africa. His plans for revenge on Tara for his unrequited love results in his desperate attempt to woo Kai into fulfilling their boyhood dream of building a naturalistic hunting lodge. Adam has an obvious alcohol and pain RX drug addiction.
Middle: Adam loses faith in Kai as the relationship develops between Kai and Tara. Adam turns to the devil – Martin for help. His addictions deepen.
End: Realizing the truth, Adam comes to Kai’s aid and is critically injured by Martin. After surgery, Kai arranges for Adam’s recovery from his alcohol and RX drug addiction in rehab.
Character Beats:
· Adam is addicted to pain meds and alcohol and has trashed the sanctuary and it’s donors. He’s gone from the premier wildlife biologist in Australia to an outcast
· Adam persuades / tricks Kai into joining him in Australia to convert a ‘failing wildlife sanctuary’ into a bow-hunting lodge
· Adam brings Kai to the sanctuary under this pretense and continues to try to manipulate the situation
· Adam recognizes Kai is completely taken by Tara and falling fast, his addiction / and fear increase. He feels let down by Kai and turns on him
· Adam’s contacted by Martin and turns to him for help, sacrificing Kai in the process
· Adam loses control and becomes a danger to everyone
· Adam falls under Martin’s control when Martin tells him he fathered him in a long-standing relationship with his mother, and he is now naming Adam as his heir.
· Adam finally sees the truth after a final confrontation between Tara, Kai and Martin.
· Adam risks his life to save Kai and is critically injured
· After many hours of surgery Adam’s life is saved
· Adam agrees to rehab Kai has set up for him
· Adam’s faith in Kai and Tara is restored
IMPROVEMENT: Added loyalty and enlightenment to his character in order to save him from himself – not be saved.
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Character #4 – Tara (AU Aboriginal tradition, no last name)/Love Interest
Tara is the dedicated, conservationist owner of the Wildlife Sanctuary, raised by AU Aboriginals after her mother, a wildlife photographer, died in an accident in the outback when she was thirteen. With money she inherited from her Mother’s estate she has stayed in Australia and opened the sanctuary. Years in, she takes Adam as a partner when he arrives in Australia from Africa – at the forefront of his career as a wildlife biologist
Core Character Traits: Authentic, Steadfast, Passionate, Inspiring
Beginning: Tara is the keeper of the wildlife, their protector at the Sanctuary she co-owns, with Adam as her partner. She is a loner, far better with the animals than with humans.
Middle: She finds common ground with the one she seemed least likely to – Kai. She finds herself in a battle to save her wildlife, against the man she is falling for. Can her wildlife and soul be saved?
End: Committed to doing whatever it takes to save the Sanctuary, she places her life on the line and is saved by Kai. She chooses a life with him, protecting the wildlife and sanctuary together.
Character Beats:
· Tara is at odds with the only man she thought she could trust – her partner in the sanctuary, Adam
· Tara gives Adam one last chance to make things right
· Tara meets Kai and is overwhelmed by him, very much unlike her…
· Tara comes to believe, with Kai’s help, there may be hope of saving the sanctuary and building a stronger team
· Tara finds out the truth about Kai and Adam’s deal, and the truth about Kai’s past and family ties
· Tara and Kai are at extreme odds, battling to maintain her position
· Tara and Kai come to an understanding and common ground
· Tara admits she’s fallen for Kai and together they try to save Adam
· Tara is threatened by Martin and risks her life to save the wildlife
· Tara’s hero, Kai, saves her.
· Tara gives her heart completely to Kai
· Love prevails
IMPROVEMENT: Added an openness to her, to accept Kai and allow herself to drop her defenses, open her heart and fly
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Character #5 – Deputy Inspector General Bahari Zuberi (DIG Barahi Zuberi)
Zuberi is a career military man, named the Deputy Inspector General for his years of dedicated work and commitment. His sister, Jade, was Kai’s mother and he’ll do anything to protect Kai from Martin’s abuse.
Role – Supporting Character, Cameo
Core Character Traits: Incorruptible, Valiant, Foresighted
Beginning: His relationship with Kai is established at the bar, at Korianga Lodge
Middle: He interacts with Kai via phone, keeping tabs on Martin in Africa
End: He follows Martin to Australia, arrives at the sanctuary just in time to save Kai’s life.
Character Subtext: My mission is to rid the world I can reach, of evil and corruption
Flaw: puts himself ion danger to accomplish his mission
Motivation: To make sure justice prevails
Want: to bring Martin Richards to justice for murdering his wife, and corrupt activities
Need: to protect Kai, his nephew, at any cost
World View: It is man’s responsibility to protect all life and promote peace in the world.
Secret: He’s hiding evidence that would bring Adam up on charges
What’s Special: He’s a career military man, multi weapons expert and brave beyond belief.
Character Beats:
· DIG Zuberi meets with Kai to gather evidence on Martin’s corruption and illegal activities at the Lodge
· He follows up on the leads, putting all the pieces together to put the final nail into Martin’s coffin
· He keeps Kai up to speed on Martin’s activities and realizes he is planning to head to Australia to confront and possibly kill Kai
· He arranges for his men to immediately leave for Australia in protection of Kai and the Australian team at the sanctuary
· He completes extradition papers and final warrants, follows Martin to Australia as quickly as possible
· Arrives just in time to save Kai’s life after Martin and his men give them the slip at the hotel and head to the park
· DIG Zuberi kills Martin Richards
IMPROVEMENT: Added the relationship of him being Kai’s uncle and protector
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by Diana Collins.
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This reply was modified 3 years ago by
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What I learned doing this assignment is that it is amazing to see the story from other character’s points of view. Separating out their story lines helps to gain clarity for the bigger picture. This was a great lesson!
Susan’s Character Story Beats (Day 5)
Kari
1. Character Profile
Role in the story: Lead character
Core Character Traits (no more than five)
– feels worthy only when she helps others
– compassionate
– denial
– codependent
– trusting
Character Subtext Logline: By treating others well she mistreats herself.
Flaw: rose-colored glasses
Want/Need: to be needed (her definition of being loved)
Mission/Agenda: to save her marriage
Character Arc (if any): complete neglect of self to attainment of self-worth
World View: everyone is good
Life Metaphor/Identity: gives away her own identity
Secret: abusive relationship
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: codependency
What makes this character unique? She doesn’t think evil exists in the world, just people demonstrating their own hurt.
2.
Beginning: Goes on wild romantic splurge with Jack
Middle: Settles down with John, but is in an abusive relationship
End: Finds herself and leaves all the unhealthy men in her life
3.
1. Kari meets Jack while in a distant, unfulfilling relationship.
2. She breaks up with her boyfriend and is with Jack until he proposes.
3. She returns to her boyfriend and marries him.
4. The relationship turns abusive
5. She meets JJ, who fulfills her emotional needs but overwhelms her.
6. She meets Bridget, who opens her eyes about her marriage.
7. She gathers the strength to leave the unhealthy men in her life.
4. I’ve already changed this story so many times that I’m not sure I know what else to do to improve it.
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2. John
Role in the story: Kari’s husband
Core Character Traits (no more than five)
– entitled
– arrogant
– selfish
– abusive
– controlling
Character Subtext Logline: He sees himself as a victim of these traits that he believes exists in everyone else, but not him
OPTIONAL:
Flaw: He thinks control will bring him happiness
Want/Need: others catering to him to prove their love for him
Mission/Agenda: having people’s respect (respect in his mind means that he is always right and any disagreement means disrespecting him)
World View: His needs are more important than anyone else’s
2.
Beginning: Neglects Kari until he loses her
Middle: Through devious means secures an animal sanctuary for Kari and wins her back
End: Once he’s achieved his prize, he neglects/abuses her again and loses her
3.
1. John takes his girlfriend’s dog for a haircut and lightly poisons her that night.
2. John launches into his plan to steal his grandmother’s house and put her in a nursing home.
3. John builds an animal sanctuary by his grandmother’s house to win back Kari.
4. John’s control over Kari grows.
5. Kari confronts John about the dog and his grandmother.
6. John accuses Kari of cheating (rather than admit his wrongdoing) and leaves her in a wildfire.
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3. Jack
Role in the story: Lead character’s love interest
Core Character Traits (no more than five)
– romantic
– charismatic
– handsome
– superficial
– energetic
Character Subtext Logline: He is able to mold himself in the eyes of others to get what he wants from them.
Flaw: empty inside, all is for show
Want/Need: hungry for attention
Mission/Agenda: to be praised
World View: he is a gift to the world
Secret: All this attention doesn’t fill the hole in his soul
Something they don’t want to admit about themselves: completely withdraws after rejection because his self-image completely rests on others’ reactions to him.
2.
Beginning: Jack charms Kari into dating him
Middle: Jack prematurely proposes to her and is humiliated
End: Jack tries to have an affair with her when she is married to John
3.
1. After meeting her at the vet’s office, Jack surprises her at the airport.
2. He convinces her to break up with her boyfriend and date him.
3. Jack is shown working at the nursing home.
4. Jack proposes to Kari in front of all his coworkers, and she rejects him.
5. Jack disappears, only to return when Kari is married: it is a game of conquering her
6. She is so starved for attention that she relents to a fun outing with him
I see now that Jack fizzles out without a complete ending. I should make it clearer in the script that he doesn’t really want Kari; he just wants the challenge of winning her over. Perhaps he pursues here to ruin her marriage because she publicly rejected him. I think they should have a one-night stand and then he should leave her after creating havoc in her married life. He achieved his goal of claiming dominancy over her. She would be so starved for attention at this time, that she would consent, also thinking that maybe she should have stayed with Jack.
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4. JJ
Role in the story: Soul mate to lead character
Core Character Traits (no more than five)
– vulnerable
– gentle
– devastated by life
– sweet
– deep waters
Character Subtext Logline: Though he plays the victim, he mistrusts kindness, which completely closes himself off from others.
Flaw: terrorized by his past
Want/Need: a mother
Mission/Agenda: to spread his pain
World View: Life is only pain
2.
Beginning: JJ is bitten by a snake, and Kari helps him.
Middle: JJ enmeshes Kari emotionally
End: JJ becomes despondent with the death of Ruby
3.
1. JJ is bitten by a snake, and Kari helps him.
2. JJ calls Kari and asks her to pick him up after he is assaulted at a bar.
3. JJ brings Kari feral kittens and tells her of his childhood.
4. JJ totals his car and Kari takes him to the hospital; she offers to loan him money.
5. JJ mourns the loss of Ruby
I don’t have a clear ending for JJ either! I think he should end the relationship either by asking too much of Kari and then disappearing when she declines for the first time, or telling her that he needs to stay away to become more independent. He could also express appreciation to Ruby, saying that she is the only one who was ever there for him (thus erasing all of Kari’s sacrifice to him.)
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5. Bridget
Role in the story: Lead character’s friend/savior
Core Character Traits (no more than five)
– down to earth
– bossy know-it-all
– humorous
– bully in that people should follow her advice because she knows best
– hurtfully honest under the guise of being helpful
Character Subtext Logline: she needs to validate her own experience by helping others out of abusive relationships
Flaw: still holds resentment and anger
Want/Need: revenge against her ex (Kari’s current boyfriend)
Mission/Agenda: to wake up Kari
World View: Romantic relationships aren’t worth it; everyone should be out for themselves
2.
Beginning: Bridget lives with John while he is secretly dating Kari.
Middle: Kari brings Bridget her dog.
End: Bridget is instrumental in opening Kari’s eyes to the dangers of living with John.
3.
1. Bridget comes home only to find an angry John trashing her apartment.
2. Bridget sees her dog (which had gone missing) with John and Kari downtown.
3. Kari returns her dog to her at her apartment
4. Kari and Bridget have several conversations about abusive people, but Bridget tries to strong-arm Kari into leaving John before she is ready.
I also didn’t have a satisfactory ending for Bridget. Though she is earnest in trying to help Kari, she insists the Kari leave John before she is ready. I want to change it to her demanding that Kari move in with her, and then she gets offended when Kari declines. She ends by saying something like, “I can’t help you if you won’t help yourself.” This will help to emphasize the loneliness that abused women feel, even when they are readying themselves to leave the abuser. Before Bridget was just blanket support for Kari, but this change honors reality more.
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