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Day 5 Assignments
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Teresa Rodriguez’s Character Action Tracks!
VISION: I will become a sought-after, respected, successful screenwriter/producer with my own highly profitable production company that I will leave as a blessing to my daughters and many generations to come!
THEME: Self-acceptance
What I learned from doing this assignment is it’s important to focus on each character’s profile to fill out their actions.
GENRE: Fantasy/Dramedy
ACT 1: Evil Stepfather tries to get rid of Princess Lily.
Lily PJ 1: Lily is enjoying the birthday party her animal friends throw her in the forest. Action: Intro, she’s screaming while being chased by wild animals. Looks like she’s afraid for her life but then turns, tickles, and hugs them. They are playing games for her birthday. The animals are also teaching her their survival skills, i.e., climbing a tree, playing dead, farting like a skunk, sensing danger/vibrations, sensing signs of fear/nervousness, and throwing quills.
Evil Stepfather AJ 1: The Evil Stepfather throws Lily the biggest fairytale birthday bash the kingdom has ever seen, with only “perfect people” on the guest list. (Incorporate other famous fairytale characters at the party) Action, Stepfather orders his “perfection” police to throw any “undesirables” into the river.
Lily PJ 2: Lily is late to her own birthday bash. Action: Lily rushes to get dressed, her maids swarm to do her hair and makeup. When they finish and leave, Lily rushes to the bathroom and then out to the party, not realizing the back of her dress is tucked into her panties.
Deeper Layer: Lily does everything to avoid her perfectionist fairytale life.
INCITING INCIDENT: Action: Clumsy Lily slips down the grand entrance stairs taking out several VIP guests, and accidentally breaks her diamond tiara on Live TV. Stepfather tells her she’s an embarrassment to his perfect kingdom.
Deeper Layer: The Stepfather had the stairs waxed, setting Lily up to fail as the entire kingdom watches. He wants to permanently damage her already low self-esteem, so he gets more “devotees” than her.
Evil Stepfather AJ 2: Action, pretends to help Lily up but whispers in her ear that she’s a failure and wishes her mom had a boy instead.
Lily PJ 3: Action: Lily sobbing, gathers pieces of her tiara, hugs and apologizes to the VIP’s then rushes out of the ball in great shame, dress still tucked into her panties.
Evil Stepfather AJ 3: Action, secretly orders guards to kill Lily, but he wants it to look like a suicide. He’s jealous because the Mirror has deemed her “the fairest of them all.”
Deeper Layer: Stepfather wants to take over the kingdom. He also made the Queen’s disappearance look like a suicide. He is secretly holding her in a dungeon, stealing her “essence” because she was the “fairest one of all” before Lily came of age.
TURNING POINT: Action, Lily fakes her own death; leaves a “goodbye” note, tiara, and pieces of her dress to look like she jumped off a castle wall into a raging river. She then secretly escapes the palace, eluding all the guards.
Act 2: Lily is free of her perfectionist palace prison but not her internal prison.
Lily PJ 4: Action, Lily, runs scared through the dark forest escaping scary creatures; her animal friends hear her cries and lead her to the Dwarf’s farm, she tries to take refuge, but they find her and throw her out for being royalty.
Deeper Layer: Lily has low self-esteem because she’s not the traditional size zero fairytale princess like Snow White. She’s never been able to stand up for herself.
Lily PJ 5: Action, she cuts and dies her hair to disguise herself. Takes out colored contacts Stepfather forced her to wear to make her less attractive/dull looking. Steals ragged clothes from a clothesline, hat from a scarecrow.
TURNING POINT 2/ MIDPOINT: Action, Lily goes into a store, steals food, then runs from the police but gets arrested.
Act 3: Lily’s new life begins.
Lily PJ 6: Action, Lily sobs as a Judge sends her away to live in a homeless shelter with other imperfect “undesirables”; they are the scary creatures she encountered in the forest and assumed they were bad. While chopping veggies for her kitchen duties, she turns around with a knife and almost stabs “Prince,” their “cute meet.”
Prince 1: Action, he disarms Lily with his Krav Maga skills.
Lily PJ 7: The judge also orders Lily to do “community service” at the Dwarf’s animal farm sanctuary. Action: She impresses the Dwarfs by charming some of their wildest animals.
Lily PJ 8: Lily tells Prince and Dwarfs that she’s an orphan from another kingdom. She lies because they hate royalty.
Prince 2: Action: Prince teaches Lily Krav Maga.
Lily PJ 9: Action: Lily learns Krav; she’s good and it boosts her self-confidence.
Evil Stepfather AJ 4: Mirror tells him that Lily is still alive. Action, He uses magic to make a poison apple, bakes it into a tart hiding the apples under peach slices, disguises himself to look like a poor old baker, goes to the Dwarf’s farm when all the men are away, convinces Lily to take a bite.
Lily PJ 10: Action, Lily, sensing danger/nervousness like she learned from the animals, realizes she’s being tricked; she takes a bite anyway, collapses, faking her death. Then when the baker/stepfather leaves, she spits the tart out into the fire, and it explodes.
Evil Stepfather AJ 5: Action, orders his bakers to make more apple/peach tarts but this time using a paralyzing potion on the kingdom’s youngsters to steal their “youth essence”.
Deeper Layer: The Queen’s “essence” is running out, and she’ll soon die.
Prince 3: Action, comes up with a plan to stop the Stepfather’s evil plot using help from the Dwarfs.
Lily PJ 11: Lily leads them into the castle. Action: Lily, scared, disarms a couple of guards using her new Krav skills, gains some confidence, and decides to take out a few more guards for fun.
Evil Stepfather AJ 6: Action, He captures the Dwarfs and Prince. Reveals that Lily is the princess.
Lily PJ 12: Lily tries to apologize to Prince and Dwarfs for lying.
Prince 3: He shuns Lily for lying to him.
TURNING POINT 3: Action, Stepfather gives Lily a dilemma; she can either save the Dwarfs or Prince.
Deeper Layer: The Stepfather plans to frame Lily for killing the Dwarfs and Prince. While captive, Prince realizes his deep love for Lily.
Act 4 Climax: Lily becomes a hero.
Lily PJ 13: Action, Lily recruits and teaches other “undesirables” self-defense. Together with the animals, they try to rescue the Dwarfs and Prince.
Prince 4: Action, he steps in front of a ___ headed towards Lily, gets hurt, and falls into a deep coma.
Lily PJ 14: Action, Lily blames herself for Prince getting hurt; she reluctantly kisses him, she still doesn’t think she’s enough, but to her surprise, it saves his life.
Lily PJ 15: Action, with new self-confidence, Lily fights her Evil Stepfather and wins on Live TV, becoming a national hero.
Evil Stepfather AJ 7: Action, His “youth essence” wears off on Live TV; he shrivels like a prune to “reveal” he’s really an “undesirable.” His demise breaks the spell he has over Mirror.
Resolution: Mirror tells Lily her mother is alive, but barely, and where to find her. Lily saves the Queen with a true love kiss. The mirror reveals that Lily is “the fairest of them all” because she has the most beautiful/purist heart. The Queen rules the kingdom again and dissolves all “perfectionist” rules. She forces the Evil Stepfather to do what he forced others to do _____ (maybe wash feet, he hates feet).
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Edward Brown character tracks
write, sell, rejoice
I learned need more action and after listening to pilot class series of reveals
Need to make Tanya more determined, and tough
like her let suitor stand on tracks, kill thief and dump offf train, scream “stroke” and get onductor open door by vamping
need to have George and Tanya move sword tworl and ballet poses etc when thinking or upset
maybe have George eat and later sword twirl and beat drum so tranformation
have Tanya use posion stroke “gun” her ex husband used
have Putin see kite from Kremlin window and approach Tanya and then order survalance on George
have Ivan practic sword fighting
Have victor decorate lab
have Tolya do happy dance
have Tanya insist Tolya learn cooking, cleaning, making beds so be good wife as men slugs and she wants great grand children
have Tanya teach or try to teach Tolay and George formal dancing
Have Tanya have research check list on George as prosepect
and sip wine or do ballet leap when passes
Have George clean up cut hole in roof calendar schedule, groom, spoken blazer
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Erik’s Character Action Tracks
My
vision is to achieve true excellence as a screenwriter, which causes me to be a
consistently working writer, with actual movies made from some of my scripts,
and to become wealthy as a screenwriter, develop relationships in the movie
industry where I am recognized as a truly original writer, and to become
indispensable in the market in which I want to write.What I learned doing this assignment… I think this assignment is a crucial step in outlining, because it takes your ideas and events and begins to bring the characters to life in them–in the most important aspect, which is action. Actually I was a little rushed with this one because I got behind, so I did not fully live up to the assignment–had to post quick–but I still did a decent job I think, and I still got the assignment’s benefit.
1. INT. ORPHANAGE – PREP KITCHEN – DAY (approaching lunch time)
Always-eating orphan PENNY, 8, pops her head in looking for her buddy chef to slip her some snacks. Maybe a little cash too, as she carries her little hand purse/coin purse. He is not around, so Penny snoops around—and accidentally starts an oil fire!
2. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALLWAYS
Sneaking back, Penny sees smoke. She follows it to the kitchen and realizes with horror that she must have started the fire.
3. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALLWAYS
The path back to her room becomes choked with smoke, and Penny flees in panic. She spots a window, gets it open, and climbs out.
4. EXT. ORPHANAGE / CITY ALLEY – CONTINUOUS
She hits the street, easing down from [a dumpster top ?], and comes face to face with orphan MARA, 7, who looks scared. They both run around to the front of the building, don’t see anybody from the orphanage, only smoke—then someone or something comes or blocks their way, threatening, and forces the girls to run down the city street.
5. EXT. ORPHANAGE
Kids and staff start to file out of the burning building, congregate on the street, a few hundred feet away.
6. EXT. CITY STREET
Penny and Mara lay eyes at the same time on the huge, looming shopping mall down the street—biggest in the country. Penny grabs Mara’s hand and they take off down the street toward it. [ Mini-adventure… ]
7. EXT. /INT. MALL
The girls enter. A small city of a mall!…
8. INT. MALL
…Overwhelmed, they make their first tentative steps, navigating a sea of people. They spot a trolley cruising by, part of a whole transport system. The girls hop on for a joyride.
#. EXT. CITY STREET / ORPHANAGE – SAME
Fire trucks arrive.
9. INT. MALL
They spot a huge candy store and jump off the trolley! Penny flashes some cash at Mara.
10. INT. MALL
…Passing a boutique store on the way to the candy store, they are eyed by employee [ SARAH ], looking out of their element and gape-eyed. The situation appears curious to Sarah.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – SAME
The fire has been put out. HEADMISTRESS DAPHNE, 50’s, confirms a count of all the orphans—all except Penny & Mara! Daphne holds chef/cook DANNY accountable for the fire and fires him.
#. INT. MALL – CANDY STORE
Penny & Mara are in total bliss surrounded by the largest candy store anyone has ever seen! Later… they stuff their faces with chocolates and candy—much of which is taken “gratis”! Still later… they hold their bellies in sugar-overload agony. A worker approaches them, asks them don’t they have folks around. The girls leave, taking the cue.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – SAME
Firefighters confirm no one was hurt or killed in the fire. Head Mistress realizes that the girls must have gotten out. Calls police (or relevant party) to have a search put out for Penny and Mara.
#. INT. MALL – CLOTHING STORE
Penny realizes that they are going to have to get different clothes—and also act like they are not alone. They go into a kids’ clothing store, manhandle the clothes and a clerk lets them know that they have to PAY FOR the clothes. Asks where are your parents. Penny flashes her cash, saying they gave me this money.
#. INT. MALL
They go to one of the hundreds of directory signs and try to figure out what is where and where the trolley system goes. = STRATEGY SESSION
Mara pleads with Penny that they have to go back to the orphanage, but Penny refuses and asserts herself over Mara, saying somebody needs to take charge, and it is going to be me.
#. INT. SARAH’S PARENTS HOUSE – DAY/NIGHT
Sarah meets with her parents, who indicate that they will not yield on their condition that Sarah has to have two kids in order to receive her trust fund. Sarah flounders in frustration and indecision in front of her cold mother. She parts with a veiled sort of threat or insult, etc, to her mother, her first act of rebellion.
#. INT. MALL – FOOD COURT
Penny & Mara get their first dinner, many curious eyes on them.
#. INT. MALL – LIQUOR STORE – NIGHT
AMANDA, 39, chats up the clerk, buying a bottle of hard liquor and wine. Clerk insinuates Amanda drinks just a little too much. Amanda responds back with high opinion of herself, profession, etc.
#. INT. OUTSIDE LIQUOR STORE
Penny and Mara watch Amanda walking out. Penny tells Mara to look cute for her, attract her attention. They lock eyes, Amanda smiles at the girls affectionately and makes her way.
#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Penny and Mara watch Amanda, then follow her. The girls hear the mall PA announcement that it will be closing (in 30 minutes) and freak out. Decide they have to keep following Amanda. They watch her get on the futuristic, high-running elevator and get on themselves….
#. INT ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS
Looking down through the all-glass elevator, Mara sees someone standing next to a mall security officer and pointing up at them. The girls see Amanda get off the elevator on a high level.
#. INT. MALL – UPPER LEVEL
Penny and Mara get off on the same level Amanda did just in time to see her disappear around a corner, and just as Mara looks back down and sees the mall security officer waiting on the elevator. She alerts Penny. They run down the long hall after Amanda, make a turn and see a wide set of double doors—no Amanda (which lead to the luxury apartments). They try to open the doors, but they open only with a special entry key system. Far down the hall, Mara notices [ another elevator, or some other type of “portal” ] and they make a run for it—before the security officer gets to them. BUT HE RADIOES TO ANOTHER OFFICER?
#. INT. BACK ON A LOWER LEVEL – HOME FURNISHINGS STORE
(The girls hide inside a home furnishings store. It goes dark at closing time, the staff leave, and Penny and Mara go to bed in luxurious beds in the store.)
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – NIGHT
Head Mistress Daphne gets the latest report from the searchers (police?) that the girls have not been found. Daphne breaks down and gets emotional Searchers assure her that they will find the girls.
#. INT. HOME FURNISHING STORE
They let loose and run around the place like crazy, jumping on the beds, food fight with popcorn, etc. They get into separate beds, until later Mara crawls into bed with Penny. Sensible, cautious Mara “sets” her internal alarm clock.
#. INT. HOME FURNISHINGS STORE – DAY
Next morning, the girls ( struggle to get out of the store but find their way out at the last minute / or, have to hide in the furniture store itself, then slink out at the first opportunity ).
#. INT. MALL – DAY
The mall is practically empty except for employees opening the shops—the girls realize they are totally vulnerable! (The girls look to the trolley system—it is not running yet.) Hide somewhere until the place starts filling up? Mara notices far down a security officer looking their direction. They realize they have to get new clothes.
#. EXT. AREA AROUND THE ORPHANAGE / DOWNTOWN STREET – DAY
Search team / police comb the downtown area surrounding the mall. They enter the mall.
#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – DAY
Sarah opens up her store, at which moment the trolley system springs to operation….
#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
…While across the vast mall corridor from Sarah’s store, Penny & Mara run for the trolley and jump on it…. ( Luckily for them, the trolley operator is not the same as yesterday! )
#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – CONTINUOUS
…Sarah spots the girls on the trolley and watches them jump off by the food court. She tells her co-worker that she is going to go grab some coffee, actually meaning to follow Penny & Mara.
#. INT. FOOD COURT
Penny & Mara are getting breakfast… Sarah spies them from across the court. She hangs out for a little while… looks at her watch… she has to get back (more than 10 min go by)… reluctantly heads back, eying the girls. The girls find a cell phone!
#. BACK AT BOUTIQUE STORE
Sarah still has a hawk-eye going, but now the mall has started to swell to its regular high-density traffic…. But then—bingo!—the girls show up again, coming Sarah’s direction…. But she loses them again!
#. BOUTIQUE STORE, OR SOMEWHERE ELSE
Sarah and the girls meet. Sarah wonders out loud at them if they are by themselves, covertly questioning. Upon parting, Penny tells Mara that they need to be careful of her (even though they both immediately see her as the ideal parent to adopt them!) From the point that the girls meet Sarah, all of their happy, carefree, comedy-filled moments ensue, mostly clustered. They end upon MIDPOINT, or shortly before.
#. INT. SARAH’S PLACE – NIGHT
Sarah tells her Fiancé about Penny & Mara—and also about her new job. Expresses her misgivings about the girls and that she needs to report that they are by themselves. Withholds from him the details of her meeting with her parents.
#. INT. MALL
Sarah takes the girls clothes shopping! Later, when parting, she takes them aside and hints that she knows, or suspects, what is going on with them. Gives them each a little bag with money, snacks. By scene’s end, she is convinced that the girls are on their own.
Maybe instead, she puts on an act, saying things like, Well I guess this is goodbye, don’t know when you’ll return to the mall etc. as a ploy to get them to admit what is going on. (Also money, food, and a note?)
#. INT. MALL
WITH SARAH HERE ? (On an upper level, Penny accidentally drops her smothered hot dog down onto someone’s head on the level below them! They crack up laughing. Then, she drops some other food on someone’s head—this time for fun. Mara even follows suit.) Penny and Mara explore the upper levels of the mall (which contain the most fun for kids? AMUSEMENT PARK, TOY STORES, ETC).
#. INT. MALL
They explore the far reaches of the mall (now avoiding Sarah). They get in an argument about Sarah, Penny deciding that Sarah is too “dangerous” for them. Mara is not convinced but bows to Penny.
#. INT. MALL – FINE RESTAURANT – NIGHT
(They can’t get past the hostess/maître d’ at an upscale restaurant, but then Sarah arrives with her fiancé, she acts as the girls’ aunt, and they all get a table. Comic misadventures eating!) Maybe this should be Amanda instead, otherwise it will force Sarah’s decision right there—she cannot in good conscience just leave the girls to their devices.
#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE
Tired and worried about their situation, Mara insists that they find Sarah—Penny says no. Mara defies Penny and runs over to Sarah’s store—Penny doesn’t follow. When she finally does follow, they have lost each other! Mara is shocked to discover that Sarah is not there (she doesn’t work at the mall anymore).
#. INT. MALL – LATER
Sarah returns, looking for the girls, meaning to tell them that she got another job, but doesn’t find them.
#. INT. [ SARAH’S PLACE ] – NIGHT
Sarah and her fiancé argue over Penny and Mara and about having children generally. Sarah leaves him.
ACT 3
#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Mara realizes she has lost Penny and so decides to leave the mall and try to go back to the orphanage….
#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
(Mara’s winding journey out of the mall.)
#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS
Panicky, Penny heads for Sarah’s store but is cautious upon approaching—she stops to scope it out first—and sees mall security there, talking to the employees! Hiding just out of view, Penny takes off without being seen.
#. UPPER LEVEL / LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION / OR LIQUOR STORE first
(Penny gets onto the elevator.) Knowing she has lost Mara, Penny seeks out Amanda, waiting just at the opening to the apartments section…. Eventually Amanda comes, and Penny gloms onto her.
#. EXT. MALL / CITY STREET
Mara makes it out, onto the jarring reality of the city street, she looks in both directions, orienting herself, gauging where the orphanage is from here. It is cold and windy. Lots of anonymous faces, a foreign world. She turns a corner or two and spots the orphanage. A moment of soul-searching—does she really want to go back? Or find Penny?…
#. INT. LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION – AMANDA’S APARTMENT
Amanda brings Penny into her place. Very luxurious, anything a kid could want in a home. (Amanda says that before they do anything, they need to get Penny some new clothes.)
#. INT. MALL – LATER
Amanda takes Penny clothes-shopping.
#. EXT./INT. MALL
Mara sees a cat slink into the mall from the street. Following it back in, she catches a glimpse of it just in time disappearing around a corner, where there is [ a staircase or maybe some tunnel or chute-like thing where she slides down… ]
#. INT. SUBTERRANEAN COMPLEX
…And ends up in a vast underground area (is it a sewer system?). Something about it suggests it was once an area that was regularly inhabited for some purpose (business, whatever), maybe events or maybe construction of something that went into disuse. THINK OF ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK EPISODE, POD PEOPLE! There she meets ____________! (Mara loses the cell phone.)
[ #. INT. MALL
WHERE DOES MARA SPEND THE NIGHT? SUBTERRANEAN AREA? Could she try to catch a ride on the trolley, or is she too tired? ]
#. INT. AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Penny’s first night staying at Amanda’s.
#. INT. MALL – NEXT MORNING
Penny is now done up in clothes, hairstyle, and make-up courtesy of Amanda. Amanda totes Penny around as her errand-running companion. (Did Penny talk Amanda into helping find Mara?)
#. INT. MALL…
Mara makes way out of the subterranean area. Goes to….? thinking that Penny might show up.
#. INT. AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
A man comes over and later Amanda tries to put Penny to bed. Penny watches (or otherwise hears, observes, etc) Amanda and her man friend in love-making ventures, snickering and bug-eyed.
#. INT. MALL – DAY
Sarah returns to the mall a second time, searching for the girls. She actually passes by Penny and Amanda but doesn’t recognize Penny! (Or maybe just sees their backs.)
#. INT. MALL
(a) Penny discovers something ( that Mara left behind, or this idea ), and it causes her to run for [the place]—she finds Mara there! Or she just finds the thing and she has to sleep on it to figure out what to do, which would naturally lead to (b) below.
OR (b) She spends one last night at Amanda’s, and the next morning quietly leaves to go find Mara. First she goes into her purse, looking to take some cash—but decides against it. She leaves Amanda a note, thanking her, etc, but also explaining why she is not meant to be the mother figure for her.
#. INT. MALL
The girls reunite! Make a pact / bond / vow that from now on they will always be together.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY
Sarah meets Daphne. Asks about Penny & Mara, and Daphne gets simultaneously suspicious and emotional. Sarah tells her about ‘two girls all by themselves’ in the mall. Daphne is totally relieved.
#. INT. SARAH’S PLACE (Act 4 ?)
Sarah’s now-off-fiancé comes back and promises her that he wants what she wants (a family). Sarah says but there’s something more important first, before we do it “the natural way”—I want to adopt.
#. INT. MALL
Penny & Mara’s last hurrah in the mall (The amusement park!). INTERCUTTING with investigators and mall personnel on the search / in pursuit. The girls are finally caught!
ACT 4
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY
Daphne separates Penny and Mara as a punishment. [Maybe has a talking-to with each of the girls, threatening that this stunt has got them into a whole lot of trouble.] Mara buddies up with JESS, another orphan. Penny discovers that the Cook is no longer there.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE
A couple comes into the orphanage, meets with Daphne. They express a desire to adopt a girl. (Maybe they say they would even like two.) Their description of their desired kid(s) practically describes Mara and Penny completely. Daphne stiffens when the description conjures up Penny.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE
The couple meet Mara. Mara tentatively expresses a liking for them. Daphne arranges plans for the three of them to go out for their trial time together, and they leave.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE
Sarah and Fiancé have arrived at the orphanage and are next to see Daphne. They are told Mara is <s>going to be adopted by somebody else</s> out with the prospective parents and will be adopted (Or, “chances are good that the adoption will go through. Mara seems to like the couple very much.”). Sarah wavers on the prospect of adopting just one of them but needs to think about it. [ Daphne, in an indirect way, tries to dissuade Sarah from adopting Penny. ]
#. INT. ORPHANAGE / EXT. PARKING LOT
Sarah and fiancé leave but dally in the parking lot, wavering….
#. INT. ORPHANAGE
DAPHNE’S SECRETARY (or someone) inquires about Mara being adopted. Daphne’s secretary says it is not right that Penny and Mara are kept apart, especially if Mara is going to be adopted soon. That they belong together. Daphne reveals that she doesn’t—hasn’t—think that anyone is good enough to adopt Penny [ and that, whether anyone realizes it or not, for now at least, Penny is better off at the orphanage until the perfect parents come along ].
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE
Mara and the couple return. After some pleasantries, Daphne questions Mara about her feelings about the couple, etc (Mara mostly positive but a little hesitant / woman and Mara hug affectionately).
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE
Daphne is ready to proceed with the next stage of adoption. The couple: “Are you sure? You seem a little hesitant, dear.” “It’s my friend….” Mara turns and sees Penny out in the hall looking in with wide eyes. Mara practically bursts with joy and runs out to Penny.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE / MAIN HALL
Penny reminds Mara of their pact. They grab each other and hold on tight. The couple waver, suddenly they can’t bear the girls being separated. Wonder out loud, maybe we could adopt both of them? Then Penny says, No—Sarah.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE
Penny is led out (she is on a ‘restriction’ / punishment), and after Mara indicates ‘she can’t’, the couple say maybe they need to think about it.
#. INT. ORPHANAGE
Penny spots Sarah and Fiancé, who have come back in! Runs
to them—Don’t let Mara get adopted—we want to be with you! Sarah indicates to
Penny that Mara has found another family, and Penny says you have to find her. -
Subject: Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks – Screenwriting classes
Subject: Sss
Kids Trained spy’s,assassins and analysts before the fall of USSR escape into Italian cult.
After Murder at Davos where their father is killed in an assassination plot .
The Family is forced to Flee to America mom married a mafia hit man who turns states evidence so she could get citizenship .
Family shipped to Monrovia California under witness protection program
Step dad becomes a bookie for sports gambling and works out of Santa Anita Racetrack. Where he beats a dead beat gambler who didn’t pay his debts.Troy is playing 4 timed chess matches at the same time and wins them all a bad looser try’s to confront him and is taken down verbally and then physically.
Troy says I hate brainless bully’s ,gangs and mobs.
First day at new school Cane is confronted by football players saying unsavory comments while trying to hit on his sister .
Cane confronts the quarterback a player gets behind Cane who flips over him and breaks his leg and the QBs arm.
It turns out he broke the receiver’s leg and QB s arm that gets him set to the principal’s office.
However because ~Cane and Troy demolished the QB and star receiver they are in the principal’s office where they meet the head coach who gives them the ramifications of their actions.
They’re informed that they must replace them and learn to play football or face expulsion before the first game.
They learn to play with help from a neighbor who played for the Rams.
Cane becomes Quarterback and Troy receiver as they developed both moves and timing patterns that knowone could defend.A undefeated season ensues after overcoming tough competition the college offers follow.
After the joy of celebrating their winning the championship ,they discovered that during the festivities their sister was kidnapped and ransom is 5 million dollars.
Sooo mom and the boys start trying to make ransom money somehow .
Mom a scientist at JPL in Pasadena and Troy a genius developed state of the art quantum computer to solve problems like atomic fusion that could power the grid. Troy’s computer also solved the unfolding of proteins that helped solve many genetic autoimmune diseases both could make a king’s ransom but step dad wants to use it for crime.DARPA wants it to power a Cyborg army that normally would be used in warfare.
While Troy is hooked to the state of the art quantum computer for problem solving and emulating systems.
Troy wants to use it to designed a plan To raise the money for Amy’s ransom .Their step father uses it to shave points off game’s to win money. Then he pretends to launder and invest the cartels drug money. He does this by taking slices off every stock trade and corners the cripto currencies by setting up a brokerage.
After overshooting the ransom they go on to make billions.
This gets the attention of the federal government,Mexican drug cartel and the mafia are now all after them.
Sooo They flee their home when a van hits them causing mom to break her neck, Troy to loose his sight and Cane to break both his arms and legs.
That’s when The people in the van take and equipped Cane with the physical robotics,hive connection to a massive quantum computer network through neurological link like Troy was. This along with armaments and drone like flying capabilities make Cane the perfect solder.
Since Cane lost his vision and can’t find where his mom is he goes back home where he meets up with the pastors daughter Molly who leads he and his sister to the lord. After praying God gives him spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies.
Molly and Amy write and make songs first for church and then go on to win America has talent which starts a music career for both.
They help Troy recover as he is promised all the powers of the scriptures and grow in the lord’s power to be able to enhance his other senses and see signs and wonders and do miracles like the Bible.
With the strength of Samson,the brains of Solomon and for the faith of a prophet and wonder workings of Elijah Troy becomes a force for good in God. Troy bursts the body bag and spares in the gym with the top warriors and beats them all. At once.
In the mean time Cane is getting his Cyborg capabilities up to speed by the Satanic cult that is making him atheist best transhuman warrior.
They are building and army of transhuman soldiers who sink up as a hive controlled by the inventor queen to conquer the world.Troy is the only human that can stand up to Cane as the final battle is coming. Troy finds out the queen that they rebuilt is actually his long lost mom.
Cane is forced to battles Troy for the future of the world if it’s spiritual ,mechanical or technological.
Troy is killed causing Cane and his mother to repent pray and ask God for forgiveness as Troy is then resurrected.
The force that caused this all to happen the Dragon of old shows his power and faces all the army against the family when Christ returns.
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Claudia’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.
What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: Focusing on elevating the action for each character helps to make each character more interesting and unique. It also spurs creativity!
Ext. Nashville Skyline, Visions of Nashville from the Grand Ol Opry and Ryman, Gaylord Hotel to the Courthouse.
Opening: ABBY walking dog. She’s in booties, so is the dog. Cleans up after dog, takes it to garbage can, drops it and takes off her gloves, she’s got two sets of gloves on.
Int. Home: Takes off dog’s booties and drops them in receptacle. Takes off her own garb and does the same.
Abby Action: scrubs her hands and wipes the dog with medical grade wipes.
Abby is cleaning and reorganizing her closets, kitchen, pantry, etc. She’s upset by her pantry.
Abby is in front of a camera shooting videos. There are 3 PEOPLE for the cameras, lights, sound, etc. Abby’s friend and producer/director, BONNIE calls a wrap. They’ve batched several videos. The CREW is in booties and gloves, masks. Abby thanks them by name as they leave. Bonnie reminds Abby that people are wanting to interview her. Does she have a book?
Life is Messy, Clean It Up. You can’t organize your life happy? Watch Me.
Inciting Incident: Phone call from her brother. Father had a heart attack.
Abby Action: freaking out, has an anxiety attack. Loves her dad and it’s something she can’t control. Bonnie helps her through it.
Rushing to the hospital
JACK comes around the corner of the elevator carrying several coffees. JACK ACTION: He’s trying to balance the coffees, not doing the best job of it.
Elevator door opens and Abby crashes into him, coffee everywhere and all over each other. There’s a spark of recognition, but not sure.
ABBY ACTION: Abby sputters, she doesn’t know if she should be angry, apologetic or what. She’s shaking all over, has coffee on her, not nothing as bad as Jack.
JACK ACTION: YELPS from the hot coffee. He helps Abby up, she brushes him off/back. He looks at himself and laughs. She thinks he’s crazy.
Abby enters hospital room to find her DAD in bed, her brother, DAN and her MOTHER standing by the bed. She hugs them and hugs her dad, who doesn’t look that bad considering. They run down what happened. He was at the ballfield coaching the kids.
Dr comes in, tells them his condition, he’ll be laid up several weeks.
ABBY ACTION: The entire time after hugging her parents and while listening to the Dr she’s trying to wipe the coffee off her clothes with a wet washcloth (pulled the cloth from her purse, uses the water from her dad’s pitcher to wet it).
Abby goes to the bathroom to get cleaned up.
Jack comes into the room with fresh coffees. Dan and mother thank him. Dan makes a comment that he looks like S_ _ _ and Jack says he had an accident. (so we know he doesn’t know Abby).
ACTION JACK: his shirt is so wet he can wring it out (while wearing it) and coffee falls to the floor. He shrugs over it.
Jack mentions Boomer is watching kids and Dan and the Dad make a crack about that. Nurse comes in and says too many people there. Jack leaves.
Abby comes out of the bathroom, looking a little worse for wear. She takes a coffee, not knowing where it came from. She’s guilted into taking over the business while her Dad is laid up.
ABBY ACTION: during the guilting, she paces around the room, trying to explain the reasons she can’t do what her Dad is asking her to do.
ACT TWO:
Abby arrives at Business… it’s a mess. The Office is a mess, papers everywhere. The Maids (MEET ROSA) are in the breakroom, drinking coffee. Has dog with her.
ABBY ACTION: she’s almost afraid to walk into the place… she puts her booties on.
There’s a butting of heads immediately between Abby and Rosa. Abby thinks the maids should be working, if not on a job, what about cleaning the office? The Maids laugh at her.
Abby attempts to clean things up, first in the office. Trying to deal with germs. She’s literally in a hazmat suit, as is the dog.
Maids are stunned, not sure what to make of her…. They are spying on her, not directly in front of her as Abby is ABBY ACTION: trying to hide her fear from the maids.
Abby goes through paperwork; she picks it up with gloves on. She attempts looking into the accounts that are written down in her notebook.
ABBY ACTION: gingerly touching the computer keys, even with gloves on,
Goes to hospital with File… to confront father. He feigns being asleep. Runs into Jack, again. Jack’s helping her father get away with this (pretending to be asleep).
ABBY ACTION: almost stammering, realizing immediately he’s the coffee guy. Makes a crack about coffee.
JACK ACTION: Puts finger to his lips to shush her, her dad is sleeping. He pretends to fluff his pillow.
She tries to push the maids to do more work in less time. Maids feel she’s spying/checking up on them.
ABBY ACTION: CREATES AN EFFICIENCY POWER POINT SYSTEM AND SHOWS THE MAIDS. MAIDS BALK.
Abby goes to speak with her brother, who is at the ballfield. She’s surprised to see Jack there. She learns that Jack’s taken her dad’s place coaching, until he’s better. Jack’s friends since childhood. Her brother and Boomer, their friend, are helping. *Why does Dan have time to coach but not help with the business?
JACK ACTION: Teaching one of the kids how to hit a ball.
Boomer realizes who Abby is and wants to get closer.
BOOMER ACTION: comes over to Abby, offering her a sandwich (she declines), he doesn’t leave her side, asks her a bunch of questions, talks about how he’s close to her dad.
Flashback: How Abby became a germaphobe. Jack was there as well and helped her, like a Knight in shining armor.
Jack has to move a couch, for the kid’s clubhouse? Boomer can’t make it so hands Jack his keys, but Abby doesn’t see this. Goes to Boomer’s place, swanky apartment, she thinks it’s Jack’s place. He doesn’t correct her. She helps him carry the couch out and into his truck.
JACK ACTION: He starts to say that it’s not his place and stops himself, he’s embarrassed. He just says “thanks.”
ABBY ACTION: She’s looking around the place, marveling. While jack is looking the other way she checks for dust on a bookshelf or mantle, clean as a whistle.
Jack’s Business… They move the couch into a back office at Jack’s business… he’s setting it up for the kids.
Jack shows her around his business, modular systems he’s creating. She mentions the Pantry idea.
Abby attempts to do some cleaning herself to see what the maids are up against. She goes to clean Jack’s real home (not knowing it’s his home. … AND SHE FINDS OUT IT’S JACK’S PLACE!
ABBY ACTION: Cleaning in a Hazmat suit. She can’t get into an area to clean, it bothers her. She hears a phone ringing in the office, turns off vacuum. Voice message being left for Jack? She tries to decide if she should look, finally does go through drawers, envelope with Jack’s name on it. Also a drawer full of…. Fast food packets / mustard ketchup (should be in kitchen). She sees a key… should she? She tries it on the pocket doors… opens to see it’s stuffed with crap. She has a panic attack. She looks at everything, then closes it up and puts key back.
PUSHES MAIDS. Is rude to them… One asks her what’s wrong, she’s too unhinged.
Phone call from Jack. She doesn’t take it. She’s avoiding him.
Midpoint: The maids have had enough and issue a sick out/strike, no one is cleaning. The business gets a Notice of Action for failure to pay bills.
Boomer is paying off the maids to stay home.
Boomer Action: Sitting in his (expensive car) in the parking lot at the ballfield. He’s on his cellphone with Jack, saying he’s ‘he’s got this, not to worry, he can handle coaching the kids by himself, you deal with your business deadline.’ Then Rosa pops into the car. He asks if anyone saw her. No. He hands her a large envelope of money. She says, ‘you’re paying me NOT to clean!?’ He says “I’m paying all of you DOUBLE to extend your little vacation… I mean Maid Flu.” For How long? As long as it takes. As long as what takes? What do you care? Are you being appreciated? Well, Frank (father) was good to us… And I’ll be better… look, there’s no guarantee Frank will ever be back…. You want to work for her? NO! Alright then.
One of the kids comes up to Boomer’s car, scaring him. The kid is early. Boomer’s not happy with being seen with Rosa.
Tries to find a way out of the debt.
Act 3:
Abby attempts cleaning everything by herself.
ABBY ACTION: MAKE THIS FUNNY. ABBY IS EXHAUSTED AND DISGUSTED BY WHAT SHE SEES IN OTHER PEOPLE’S PLACES.
Rosa and maids are spying on her.
Abby tries to hire more maids.
Abby Action: Pacing, a nervous wreck, on phone with agencies.
Abby goes to Rosa’s house. They are pretending to be sick but are actually playing poker and watching soaps.
ABBY ACTION: She goes around the house, peeking through the windows. She sees a neighbor come out and hides, maybe sees one of the other maids come out of her house.
Abby thinks about selling the business. She can’t keep cleaning by herself. Most of new maids fail (by design).
Ballpark: the team is practicing. They are eating hotdogs, Abby and Jack have a heart to heart. Jack admits to being in therapy? He says he can get a friend to look at books.
Jack Action: He gets mustard and relish all over himself. Maybe he catches a flyball but in doing so he gets the drinks and food over them.
Abby Action: She’s trying not to freak out. He calms her down. She stands up, hands shaking, admits to knowing about his “room.” Jack’s upset at first, but also relieved the secret is out.
Jack play’s Knight again and brings on his friend, Boomer, to look over the contracts and the accounting books and hopefully find a way out. Boomer says it’s over, best to sell as quick as possible.
Boomer is there and looking over the books.
Boomer Action: Pretends he’s going to help them both, he’s overly nice.
Boomer plans to destroy her business. But he’s also feeling bad about it.
She gets a big job to prepare for an important formal event. (HOW DOES THIS COME ABOUT?)
New maids have quit. Bills are due, the lights are literally going out; clients are cancelling left and right.
Deeper Layer: Abby can’t do this anymore, she’s falling apart. Jack offers to help.
Abby Action: Abby’s stress makes her symptoms worse.
Act 4:
Abby and Jack find out Boomer is behind the takeover. (HOW?) Maybe the kid who saw Boomer and Rosa says something (without knowing he’s alerting them).
Abby blames Jack for exposing their company info to Boomer and accuses Jack of being in on it. She breaks up with him.
Jack is devastated. He goes after Boomer.
Boomer deflects, lies and then says it’s all his father’s idea.
Jack Action: He punches Boomer in the face. But Boomer returns the punch, it’s an all out fight… right in front of the kids.
Lifelong friendships are on the line.
Abby has to pull off the big event by herself. She goes to the maids one last time, spills her heart and apologizes.
Resolution: Maids feel sorry for her and help her nail the big event.
Jack shows up at the event, IN A TUX… he can be cleaned up and neat even though he’s got a black eye.
The people the event is for are so impressed they give Abby a huge cleaning contract that will 10X the size of the business. Her Dad is well enough to come back.
Abby puts Rosa in charge to help her Dad.
Boomer is fired by his dad for not making the deal happen.
Boomer Action: Boomer freaks out, he has a fit, throwing things. Maybe he takes a bat to his dad’s car… only to find out that he was actually destroying his own car.
Boomer comes clean and apologizes to everyone.
Jack shows Abby his plans for her business. The Modular Pantry System.
Abby goes on her book tour, in front of TV audiences.
Father is coaching the kids and the family is in the bleachers watching the game, eating hotdogs, rooting for the kids.
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Subject: Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks – Screenwriting classes
Subject: Trilogy 2 Satans son’s secrets
Beginning
Kids Trained spy’s,assassins and analysts before the fall of USSR escape into Italian earth energy cult called Damanhur .
Insighting insident
After Murder at Davos where their father is killed in an assassination plot.
The Family is forced to Flee to America mom married a mafia hit man who turns states evidence so she could get citizenship .
Family shipped to Monrovia California under witness protection program
Step dad becomes a bookie for sports gambling and works out of Santa Anita Racetrack. Where he beats a dead beat gambler almost to death who didn’t pay his gambling debts.Troy is playing 4 timed chess matches at the same time and wins them all a bad looser try’s to confront him and is taken down verbally and then physically.
Troy says I hate mind less bully’s ,gangs and mobs.
Turning point 1
First day at new school Cane is confronted by football players saying unsavory comments about his sister while trying to hit on her.
Cane confronts the quarterback a player slips behind Cane who then flips over him and breaks his leg and the QBs arm in the process.
It turns out he broke the receiver’s leg and QB s arm that gets him sent to the principal’s office.
However because ~Cane and Troy demolished the QB and star receiver they are in the principal’s office where they meet the head coach who gives them the ramifications of their actions.
They’re informed that ether they must replace them and learn to play football or face expulsion before the first game.
Act 2
They learn to play with help from a neighbor who played for the Rams.
Cane becomes Quarterback and Troy receiver as they developed both moves and timing patterns that knowone in high school could defend.A undefeated season ensues after overcoming tough competition the college offers follow.
However After the joy of celebrating their winning the championship ,they discovered that during the festivities their sister was kidnapped and ransom is 5 million dollars.
Turning point 2
Sooo mom and the boys start trying to figure how to make ransom money somehow .
Mom a scientist at JPL in Pasadena and Troy a genius developed state of the art quantum computer to solve problems like atomic fusion that could power the grid. Troy’s computer also solved the unfolding of proteins that helped solve many genetic autoimmune diseases both could make a king’s ransom but step dad wants to use it for crime.
DARPA wants to use the fusion reactor it to power a Cyborg army that normally would be used in warfare.
While Troy is hooked to the state of the art quantum computer for problem solving and emulating systems.
However Troy wants to use it to designed a plan To raise the money for Amy’s ransom .Their step father uses it to run probability programs to shave off points on the game’s to beaT the odds and win money. After that he pretends to launder and invest the cartels drug money. He does this by taking slices off every stock trade investing their funds in the process corners the cripto currencies funding his own brokerage.
After overshooting the 5 million dollar ransom they go on to make billions.
However This gets the attention of the federal government,Mexican drug cartel and the mafia which are now all after them for different reasons.
Act 3
Sooo They give an all family hug as they are on the run again fleeing their home , when a van hits them causing mom to break her neck.
This sets up Troy to loose his sight and Cane breaks both his arms and legs trying to stop himself from going through the front windshield.
Turning point
That’s when The people in the van take Cane and equip Him with the physical robotics,thermal eyes , a hive connection to a massive quantum computer network through neurological link like Troy was. This along with armaments and drone like flying capabilities make Cane the perfect solder.
Since Troy lost his vision and can’t find where his mom is he goes back home where he meets up with the pastors daughter Molly who leads he and his sister to the lord. After repentance and praying For God to give him spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies. God grants him that and all the powers in the Bible plus all other senses enhanced.
Act 4 preparing for battle
Meanwhile Molly and Amy write and make songs first for church and then go on to win America has talent which starts a music career for both.They help Troy recover as he puts to use and trains using the lords promised powers of the scriptures to grow in his walk with God. With the lord’s power to be able to enhance his other senses and see signs and wonders and do miracles like the Bible. Troy develops the strength of Samson,the brains of Solomon and the faith of a prophet with the
wonder workings of Elijah Troy becomes a force for good in God.
When working out Troy’s punch bursts the body bag and beats the gyms top warriors all at once.
In the mean time Cane is getting his Cyborg capabilities up to speed by the Satanic cult that is making him atheist best transhuman warrior. Cane is having the same kind of success in his training as Troy unbeknownst to ether.
Canes team are building and army of transhuman soldiers who sink up as a hive controlled by the inventor queen who works for the beast to conquer the worlds nations.
Troy is the only human that can stand up to Cane as the final battle is coming. That’s when Troy finds out the queen that they rebuilt is actually his long lost mom.
Cane is forced to battle not under his own control but the hives control for the future of the world if it’s to be spiritual ,mechanical or technological.
Troy is killed that’s when Cane and his mother learn that the warrior was Troy. This brings the two to their knees to repent praying and asking God for forgiveness. That’s when God resurrected Troy and brings the family back together for an all family hug.
The evil force that caused this all to happen the Dragon of old then shows up and released his power and turns all his army against the family. That’s when Christ returns to balance the equation and help his family overcome the Evil one.
Then as the real powers line up to face each other as Armageddon begins we Segway to the kids on space education pod as the start of ww3 begins the war of three worlds ,the next story of the trilogy.
1.Smarter than God —Lucifer’s story
2.Satans son’s secrets— the twins revolution
3.World war 3 the war of three worlds —preparing for the next one.
Armageddon noun
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Ar·ma·ged·don | \ ˌär-mə-ˈge-dᵊn \
Definition of Armageddon
1a: the site or time of a final and conclusive battle between the forces of good and evil
b: the battle taking place at Armageddon
2: a usually vast decisive conflict or confrontation
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Eclipse Neilson Character actions.
THE NUN AND THE WITCH
1. VISION: I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place.
2. THEME: Self-acceptance
What I learned from doing this assignment is Athena character and actions is growing. Also their true nature shows up in their actions. I still need to add the subtle subtext in their actions.
THE NUN AND THE WITCH/ MYSTICAL SCI-FI/ DRAMA
Act 1
Opening:
UNIVERSE – NIGHT
In timeless space two female figures as silhouettes on a starry hill. One (Anne) has her head on the shoulder of the other.
VARIED VOICES and strange BEEPS STAR FLASHES WHISPERS as the Council of Universal Beings appear.
DARK TIME TUNNEL
The two souls (SISTER ANNE 35 and LUNA THUNDER 45) wisp by as they travel through the dark time tunnel.
Flashes of their lives begin to appear first in Egypt.
The shadowy forms watch their first lifetime together. Anne peers over the shoulder of Lunea.
EGYPTIAN TOMB – NIGHT
Two Egyptian slave women each hold an oil lamp. They place their flame side by side. Each pick up a small vessel of serpentine liquid. They stare at each other fondly. Flickers of their flames cast shadows on their face. They pause and drink the poison staring into each others eyes.
SISTER ANNE lays her head on LUNA THUNDER’S shoulder and they hold each other – they close their eyes. A gentle smile appears on their faces. The flames flickers on a sword on the grave. SILENCE
Their shadowy spirits quickly move forward. WOOSH
TIME TUNNEL: MONTAGE – NIGHT
Events through flashes on the walls on the time tunnel.
The 1920’s two female archeologist discover grave of two women skeletons in same position. They look at each other – and quickly cover up the grave knowing it is them.
Lunea reaches out and squeezes the hand of Anne and smirks. Anne giggles like a child.
Fast forward Auschwitz two women stare at each other longingly as one ( Lunea )is taken away holding the hand of a little girl( Athena) Anne collapses to the ground and weeps.
Time tunnel moves faster. Darker and darker –
The shadowy figures of Anne and Lunea wait in front of large metal door with the blood painted words THE REMEMBERING. It CREAKS open. A sound of a violin plays. (Athena 12yr)
They step through Lunea leading the way.
The door SLAMS close behind them.
They turn around and see the other side of the door the words -THE FORGETTING.
They step into the present holding hands. Images of sky scrapper – sound of news reporter war in Ukraine BOMBS-political speeches. (2022)
They let go of each other’s hand. They vanish.
THE HILL -DAWN
Birds greeting the dawn – Sunrise on the back of ancient stone henge type of goddess looking rock. The tall hill looks over a village.
CHAPEL – DAWN
The chapel is slightly run down. Silence.
Sister Anne(35) lights a flame at the prayer candles under a tall statue of Jesus, where a sword lays at his feet. She humbly bows. Tears fill her eyes filled with emotion.
Turns to see if anyone is looking at her. She is alone. Sighs in relief and looks at a stain glass window of Archangel Uriel the sunlight hits the sword and makes it look for a moment like a flaming sword. She gasp like a young child with excited joy.
ATHENA’S BEDROOM -MORNING
Athena (12) with a haunted look sits in a chair and looks out of her window and plays the violin to the dawn.
THE HILL-DAY
Sunrise looks like a flame rising out of the back of the stone goddess Monolith.
Lunea with arms raised powerful to the sunlight, bows reverently with prayer hands and slowly looks up at the towering stone. She grins and begins to dances freely in front of the stone. (Celtic fiddle)
THE PARISH KITCHEN – SAME DAY
Sister Anne makes lovingly breakfast for father Sinclair. Chops apple carefully into small pieces and places on a dish serves it with a boiled egg and toast.
Walks over – half genuflects to him and serves tray. He nods approvingly says grace. She bows her head.
A horses neigh in the window.
She opens her eyes as she prays. Like kid sneaking a peak, she sees the next door neighbors horse grazing in the field. Smiles, takes big breath of joy, like a child with a bit of wildness in her. He sees her looking at the mare. She quickly returns to obedient prayer- tightens her lip and ever so slightly clenches her hands.
Father Sinclair thanks her and smiles as he bites a piece of apple and stares at the turtle dove name MELODY, who quietly coos. He mentions to Anne how much the dove reminds him of her.She smile appreciatively as she gazes at melody.
She pretends to coos and both laugh.
LUNEA’S KITCHEN – SAME DAY
Lunea stands tall and proud. Makes breakfast for Athena (12). Waltzs over and kisses the top of her head. Grabs an apple from the table and quarters it. Grins like a queen as she hands a piece to a small parrot (Eva) who sits on top of her cage and squawks.
Lunea mentions something like – “Ah the forbidden apple my sweet Eve.”Giggles.
ATHENA (12) observes gives the medicinal benefits she has learned about apples when in school in Ukraine. Lunea smiles proudly announcing she is a brilliant child and will go far.
FLEA MARKET – DAY
Crowded market. Sister Anne’s flower print card table is diagonally across from Lunea’s stand filled with crystals wands and other witchy type tools, along with political brochures for women’s right- gay right – black life matters animal rights and more.
They catch glances a few times. Lunea smiles.
Sister Anne smiles then quickly looks away. Lunea nods in a questioning manor and walks over. She admires Sister Anne’s beautiful flower prints. She is selling to raise money for the church. They start up a conversation. Sister Anne looks up to Lunea’s tall stature.
Lunea buys a few cards for her store gives her the extra change kissing the bills with a spell prayer. Tells her about a special flower that grows up the on the hill excitedly.
SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Anne has a dream she is picking flowers on the hill and the stone goddess monolith quietly bends over and gives her a single flower that begins to glow. Anne gazes up at the tall stone first adoringly then suddenly shudders.
Anne awakes afraid and yet curious.
FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM -DAY
Anne lets Father Sinclair know she is going to spend the afternoon hiking and then adds “with Jesus” up the hill to see the Ancient stone. He frowns and mumbles something about it should have been pulled down years ago. Sister Anne bows her head obediently.
HILL MONTAGE – DAY
Scenes of the two women climb the hill from either side.
Sister Anne while in nature shows her strength and desire to be free and young.
Takes a deep breath clenches her hands to her chest with wonderment and grins.
Sister Anne arrives after Lunea.
Both look surprised.
They start up a longer conversation.
Cloaked OLD ONE (Native American shaman woman) hides hunched over behind big Mother stone and smiles as she listens to them talk. They do not know she is there.
LUNEA’S STORE – DAY
Front window covered with many different traditions posters and flags – native – Goddess – Buhdah ….
Lunea is organizing her shop. Takes a deep breath with pride. Sprinkles Some water in a bottle with a $ sign over herself. Burst out in laughter.
Some teens come into the store and stare at her. She stands tall and stare back at them with a daring look.
They start messing things up. Turn over a table – You evil witch they yell out and dart out the door laughing.
She grabs a Kali stature and raises as she curses at them.
She calls the police yelling. Listens – changes her tone to a pretend soft spoken pace. Shakes her head looks like she is about to burst into tears. Gives up after a short conversation. Slams the phone down. Stares out the door.
Athena walks in and sees the damage and freezes in place as if she has PTSD. She has flashbacks of Ukraine and the war she has fled. She begins to weep with no sound and shakes. Lunea runs over and holds protectively.
THE CHAPEL – SUNSET
Sister Anne is sweeping, then sits down in a pew, gazes at the stature of Jesus with a silver sword at his feet. She starts up a conversation / quote.(must find quote)
The sun sets in the stain window across from Uriel on Mary – it glows in her heart center.
Sister Anne makes a comment about the heart of the mother. She hears the voices and beeps of the Council of the Universe whispering the sign of goddess flame.
PARISH KITCHEN – DAY
Sister Anne and Father Sinclair have dinner across from each other. Knowing he is ill, he instructs her with a parental tone that she must continue the church after he dies and not tell the head church because they will sell the building to the best buyer.
He shares how afraid he is to have his church goers be abandoned and discusses some ideas.A haggard look takes over his expression as he hides his pain.
Sister Anne consoles him and says she will do so. They tell each other their big secrets – He has not had any help from the big church for years and she tells him she was a runaway nun but never stopped being a nun.
They hold each other’s hand as if there is a forgiving and a sacred commitment.
Sister Anne struggles to look at him straight in the eye but finally succeeds and nods yes with a gentle smile.
LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT
Lunea sits outside looks up at the moon and takes gulps like a man her mug of ale. She is slightly drunk. A frown and tears streams down her cheeks as she builds a stone circle. Carries one large stone as she grunts to the center.
Stands in the center and raises her arms in the sign of female power.
FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
He gets out of bed in the dark- opens the window – begins to fall- hobbles over to the cage and open the cage door- a dark shadow and sound of wings as the bird flies out the window.
We hear a thunk on the ground. He has had an heart attack. In the moonlight we see he is smiling.
FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – MORNING
KNOCKING ON DOOR- Sister Anne slowly opens the door- first sees his feet. Rushes over to him. Drops t her knees begins to weep looks up sees the bird cage door and window is open. The dove is sitting up in a tree. Her tears begin.
She sees a notebook on the bedside table with a letter for her. She reads it. He has given her step by step instructions on how to tell the parish that she will lead.
ACT 2
Turning Point:
CHURCH GRAVEYARD – DAY
Funeral – Sister Anne gives the funeral and is wearing father Sinclair’s preacher stole. She reads his chosen words.
The congregation looks up to her. She struggles to find courage give her first words of her leadership.
She quotes part of Jesus words of Matthew 11:28-30
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
There are some grumblings around the men who do not want to take lead from a woman.
Anne sees them and attempts to stand in her power but falls back into her humble pose.
Takes a deep breath.
Grabs the sword from the statue of Jesus.
Looks down at it. Then quietly stares back at the men.
Nods ceremoniously and walks by them holding the sword in front of her as she follows the casket to the small grave yard on the side of the church.
FIELD – DAY
Sister Anne watches the mare gallop across the field. She smiles with authentic joy as if she was riding her. (over lay of her riding)
ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair returns as a ghost.
He wants her to continue his work. She is afraid and wraps herself in the blanket.
THE HILL – DAY
Sister Anne sits looking out over the town. Prays for help. She feels Jesus’ presence and weeps.
When she looks up from her tears she see Lunea is sitting by her side. They sit side silently.
Lunea tells her it will be alright and hands her a fist size stone from the ground. Telling her to be like the stones.
ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father haunts her warning her that evil forces are taking over the town. She ask why- he hangs his head ashamed- and talks about having forgotten the true teachings of Jesus.
He leads her into the church and shows her the sword laid at Jesus feet- tells her what legend goes along with the sword. It belonged to early pagan settlers. He suggest the answers can be found with the sword. He disappears.
CHURCH – NIGHT
She kneels at Jesus’ feet and prays.
She hears Jesus voice – telling her to guide the people to put down their weapons and that this is the sword of light not of death and must be returned to the proper owners.
She listens and then looks over at the stain glass window with a knight on a horse.Makes The connection.
THE RIVER POOL – DAY
Lunea is swimming naked in the water.
Sister Anne appears and stands silently and longly . Lunea invites her to join her.
Sister Anne refuses because she is a nun. But ultimately jumps into the water playfully with her clothes on.
Flickers of light blends with their giggles and laughter.
VILLAGE MONTAGE – DAY
Different scenes of Sister Anne and Lunea bonding and being playful and enjoying each others company.
SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM
Father Sinclair appears and is enraged about their friendship banging his fist on the table.
LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT
Sister Anne seeks help from Lunea knowing she will understand what to do with the hauntings and help banish the evil and might know the history of the sword.
Lunea ask her to take her to the church and let her see the sword.
THE CHAPEL – NIGHT
They both tip toe in.
Lunea reaches out and touches the sword. Sister Anne horrified tries to stop her. But Lunea stands strong and holds her back.
Lunea listen to the mumbles and voices ghostly voices rising in the church. She tell Sister Anne the church had belonged to the pagans who had travel to this coast and joined forces with the native people.
She stair silently at Sister Anne. Then instructs her as if she was the goddess herself that they must join heart flames to fight what is emerging in the town.
Lunea marches over to the alter and lights two candles and walks back.
They enact an ancient ceremony similar as in the Egyptian tomb.
LUNEA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Lunea has a visitation in a dream by a Council of the Beings guardian that tells her that she must help Sister Anne become a saint. But they do not say how.
The Council of the Universal Beings responds and sends an Ancient female guardian – The OLD ONE to guide them as they set out to fight the hatred, bigotry, and falsehoods that is taking over.
THE VILLAGE -MONTAGE
Ongoing threats at Lunea’s store. She fights back with headlines of what is happening in the world rooted in judgement and hatred. Calls talk show host and gathers a few like minded town people.
SCHOOL – DAY
Bullying builds at school for Athena .
ATHENA’S BEDROOM
Athena sadly plays the violin as a healing.
Lunea walks in listens and they have a deep talk about the horrors of the war and how they must heal humanity.
Athena begins a new song on the violin. Lunea watches her with a teary look of love and gentleness.
STREET SCENE
Athena begins to skip school and befriends the Old One (woman) in the street. She plays the violin with the Old One to help raise some money for her.
LUNEA’S HOME – NIGHT
Athena tells Lunea she has met an old woman who is living on the street and she wants to bring her some food.
Lunea goes with her. The Woman is homeless. Lunea and Athena bring her home.
The Old One announces she knows the Ancient ways of magical healing.
ACT 3:
THE CHURCH – NIGHT
The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives the tools needed.
Lunea leads the way – Sister Anne resist. Lunea grabs her hand pulls her through.
TIME TUNNEL MONTAGE
The realize they both witness Jesus’ crucifixion and wept together under an olive tree they each pick up an olive branch and carry it with them.
They travel further and see the war images of burnt homes. Lunea begins to cry. Sister Anne astonished at Lunea’s heart felt response wraps her nun cloak around her and sings gently a hymn to her.
They move on further into the time tunnel.
They find a profound secret from the burning times when they both were burned as witches. They see Athena as a small child having witnessed their death. They both break down and weep as they stare at her.
The Council of universal beings lead them forward.
They carry back to the present the flames of the fire that burnt them centuries ago, knowing the sacred healing heart of the witch’s goddesses were instilled in the flames.
THE CHURCH – NIGHT
They place the flame and the olive branches at the foot of Jesus where the sword lays. A miraculous image of the flaming sword appears.
Midpoint Turning Point:
LUNEA’S HOME-NIGHT
The Old One performs a powerful ceremony- “The fusing of the souls between Lunea and Anne to fight evil.
They commit to never betray each other – no matter what.
Both stare deeply into each other’s eyes.
VILLAGE STREETS – DAY
The people in the town discover that their Nun and the Witch are secretly friends and begin to plan to attack Lunea and her daughter Athena.
MONTAGE:
SCHOOL – DAY
Athena is rejected even more and bullied in school.
TOWNS PUB – NIGHT
The town’s hatred grows against all of them.
CHURCH – DAY
The brutal discrimination and hatred building forces Anne to stand in her power. She pauses silently and stares at each person.She speaks Jesus words and her heartfelt truth and carry out the mission Father Sinclair was never able to do. To unite the heart of humanity.
ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT
Father Sinclair and Sister Anne have a breakthrough moment and he gives her his diary – where he struggled as a preacher and the truths he discovered but kept secret. She reads his words. She walks over to him and blesses him.
Father Sinclair instructs Lunea to join the church.
FIELD – NIGHT
Sister Anne and Lunea meet by the mare who trots over. Lunea helps her up. Lunea opens the gates and Sister Anne rides the horse free through the field and forest. She cries out wildly , forcefully and joyfully a free woman in her dream.
CHURCH -NEXT DAY
Athena and Lunea sit in the back of the church. People turn around and give her a doubtful somewhat rejecting glance. Sister Anne watches.
PARISH KITCHEN- NIGHT
Sister Anne and Father Sinclair’s ghost continue to discuss what to do.
Sister Anne asks Lunea to share an ancient prayer /text sacred text to the congregation in a Sunday sermon.
Anne reads the Egyptian book of The dead -the carry my heart passage. The Congregation listen cautiously liking the peotic words.
But she doesn’t say where it comes from until she is finished.
Congregation walks out enraged feeling they have been hoodwinked.
Turning Point:
HILL – NIGHT
Lunea and Anne that night steal the church’s smaller crucifix and sword ceremoniously up the hill to the stone statue that strangely looks more and morel like the open arms of Mother Mary. They place the sword in her arms and a small gold crucifix at her heart.
Sister Anne shyly confesses that she has fallen in love with Lunea.
Lunea stares at her longly -struggles inwardly but puts her finger gently over Sister Anne’s lips and tells her not this lifetime. She secretly knows that she is committed to help Anne become a saint. Lunea looks deeply sad.
They spend the night hand in hand – two souls gazing up at the heavens.
TOWN STREETS – DAY MONTAGE
The congregation finds out gossip grows.
TOWN STREETS – NIGHT
Town people enraged seek Anne and Lunea out with a protest march- they burn down Lunea’s store.March through the strees with torches.
Lunea and Athena hide among the street people.
CHURCH STEPS – DAY
The next day Sister and Anne, Lunea and Athena courageously met a the church. As they walk up the steps, Athena sees teh Old One hobbling and she runs over t help her.
A teen who has been bullying Athena from the beginning steps forward with a gun. Both Lunea and Sister Anne see the gun run to protect Athena.
Both Lunea and Sister Anne take the bullet first.
But all three are shot. They collapses on he stairs.
Old One vanishes.
Long silence.
Lunea body is on top of Sister Anne who covers Athena’s body all lay bleeding on the steps.
CHURCH STEPS – DAY
It looks like a miracle because Athena’s bullet wound is healed by both Lunea’s and Sister Anne’s hands on the wound when a glow of light appears in front of everyone just.
Athena raises her head to see – Sister Anne and Lunea dead. Her weeping is chilling. The towns people are silent.
The townspeople have witnessed the miracle.They begin to whisper that a miracle has happen. They never really know who did the healing of Athena becasue they see Sister Anne’s hand over the wound that has disappeared
Athena turns to them and speaks- now as a powerful leader weeping over her beloved Lunea and Sister Anne.
The spirits of the heavens appear at that moment as Star Beings, Angels, and cloaked Ancients from the Universal Council of Beings. The townspeople have an awakening.
ACT 4:
THE HILL
They carry one large casket up the hill. Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne are buried together on the hill.
THE TIME TUNNEL (10 YEARS LATER)
Time tunnel appears again. We move forward to the door of the Future. It opens slightly and we see an image of Athena at the pulpit as the new preacher of the church. She plays the violin.
She wears the sign of the pagan moon and christian sun cross on either side of her preacher stole.
A glow begins on her heart space and an over lay of the goddess appears. Athena has become the goddess – returned to Earth holding the sacred flame in her heart.
Congregation listens adoringly.
THE HILL – NIGHT
The last image is a gravestone inscribed – Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity. Sound of the doves cooing and happy parrot squawk.
THE TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT
The door of time closes once again.
In the dark tunnel of remembering, a flame is lit and we see the original burial of the two Egyptian skeletons that the two female archeologists had discovered 1930’s and secretly covered back up. But now between them is the flaming sword.
The last scene is the sacred flame.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Eclipse Neilson.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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Rebecca’s Character Action Tracks
My vision: Vision: My vision for my success in this program is to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that by going through the Actor Attractors and Character Profile sheets for the Protagonist, Antagonist, and the Triangle Character, and two important minor characters I was able to add more action throughout the story.
Title: Ragman’s War
Genre: Action/Drama, based on a true events
Concept: To prevent coal and iron police from massacring men, women, and children working a picket line, a WWI Silver Star recipient must, without detection, execute the rabid commander who violently dominates their community.
Opening: 1917 Battlefield in France, trenches, no man’s land, machine gun nests, mortar launchers.
American Sargent watches as a mortar shell explodes near his unit, bodies flying through the air. He runs to a certain soldier, his brother, checks him out, and leaves him a canteen. His brother makes him promise to “kill a few of the bastards.”
Scouting in the near by woods, the American, a sniper, watches a German officer marching leading his men towards a American position, the16 troops marching eyes front with none looking back. During a deafening volley of mortar fire, picks off all the enemy soldiers from rear to front and waits, viewing the officer through his scope.
Leutnant Von Hundleshausen (2nd Lieutenant) waves his men forward before he turns to face them, and notices no one there. He retraces his steps and sees the bodies of his men strewn across the forest floor.
The Lieutenant opens his arms and begs to be killed and die with honor.
When nothing happens, he puts a pistol to his head, but doesn’t pull the trigger. He sinks to his knees, begs for death and curls into a fetal position.
The American sniper calls. “Feigling, lebe mit deiner Schande” (Coward, live with your shame) and moves to another position.
Act 1
Beginning
April 1, 1927 – Russellton No. 2, PA , a mining village owned by Republic Steel.
Lunch in hand, RAGMAN, a mine mechanic, kisses his wife LUDIE good-bye and joins other men walking to their shift.
The men debate about walking out in solidarity with the United Mine Workers strike.
Ragman declares being undecided. His language crustier as he explains his position. His gut tells him the strike will lead to war and he is finished with God, war, and killing. Either way he is out of a job.
Despite his reluctance to get involved in the UMW called strike, Ragman walks out with the other men and moves his wife and two boys from company housing to his parent’s nearby farm.
Ragman visits his baby brother ALBERT, radical ex-marine and banned boxer, working at the Oakland Hotel at Conneaut Lake and gets hired as a groundsman.
His job lasts one day and 2 hours. The constant carping of the boss triggers Ragman who loses his temper and quits. After debate about being fired or quitting and amount of money owed, Ragman grabs the boss’s collar and pushes him up against a tree. Frightened, the boss pays the wages plus a large bonus for a quick departure.
Ragman returns home. He and his father-in-law STAN pull their money and buy a pick up truck. They decide to start a junk recycling business and become ragmen.
Stan continues to live in Russellton with his two youngest children BEN, age seventeen, and RIESE his fifteen year old daughter.
Inciting Incident:
An army of Coal and Iron Police many of them Balwin-Felts invade the region to break the strike. The brutal Commander, Herr Bucholtz, violently dominates the community.
He directs his men to search and confiscate firearms, monitor the train station and the few roads leading into the valley to suppress organizers from entering the town.
FLASHBACK: Bucholtz, trained and commissioned as a strike breaker in West Virginia receives a report from one of the detectives and maneuvers the agency to send him to the Russellton coalfields and promises a quick end to the strike. END FLASHBACK
Ragman tries to keep his distance from Bucholtz so not to be triggered; but, Bucholtz creates opportunities to taunt him. Ragman struggles, but maintains control. Promises himself he can always retaliate later, at a time of his choosing.
Labor Day 1927, Ragman brings Stan and his children to a family picnic at the farm. (Added Action) On the way home, they gossip about observations at the picnic. Troopers block the road, Raman stops, and the trooper demands to see their ID passes. Ragman almost blows up but Ludie squeezes his arm, he calms, and the group get their passes.
When they arrive at Stan’s house they find a notice to attached to a post. It states that anyone who does not sign a work agreement will be evicted. Stan tears it off and tramples it. He pays his rent.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholz, obsessed with Ludie, follows her from the bus stop to Stan’s house, bursts inside for a closer look. Ludie notices him send Reise a threatening look. When Bucholtz ogles Ludie’s body, instead intimidated, (Added Action Ludie) she looks him in the eye with a dismissive look. He leaves.
After Ludie complains about Bucholtz ogling her and his friendship with Ben, Ragman wonders why Bucholtz shows such an interest in his family.
After Stan finds an eviction notice and confiscation of property attached to his house, he asks Ragman to take him to the company office because he pays his rent.
Stan talks to the boss at the company office and thinks problem is resolved.
ERVIN, Ragman’s carpenter brother asks Ragman to drive him to the UMW district office in Pittsburgh to talk to Phil Murray.
At the office in Pittsburgh Ervin offers his services to teach and direct the building of barracks in Rusellton, the first to face eviction, if the union can provide lumber, nails, and roofing material. Pat Fagan, second in command to Murray, agrees and also asks Ervin if he could do the same for other mining towns. Both men shake on the deal.
(Added Action Ragman) Fagan tells Ragman that he’d like to hear his war story. Ragman implies he might tell it for a drink. The two men down shots of whiskey. Ragman starts but doesn’t finish. He chugs two more shots, and on his way out the door, thanks Fagan for the whiskey.
Turning Point:
Under Ervin’s direction, progress during the first three days of barracks construction exceeded expectations. Ragman and Ludie plan a picnic to reward the workers for their hard work. Ludie flirts with Ragman and asks him to take her fishing.
( Added Action Ragman and Ludie) FLASHBACK: 18 year old Ragman fishes at a creek. Ludie, age 13, arrives to fill buckets of water from the spring. She teases Ragman about his small fish and gives a lesson on how to catch a bigger one. Cute, cheerful, and funny, she also exhibits strength when she carries two buckets of water all the way to town END OF FLASHBACK.
( Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz eyes the couple through his binoculars; his desire grows as he watches she and her husband move together and disappear into the dark.
</p><p>To stop progress on the barracks, Buchlotz lures Ervin to company property. He argues with the carpenter about not fighting back.before Bucholtz savagery whips him. He goes berserk and strikes repeated blows until Erving falls unconscious. Bucholtz order his men to dump the body at the building site in the mud and cold of the pouring rain .Ragman finds his brother and brings him home. He and his mother clean the wounds until the company doctor DICKEY arrives. Ervin forces Ragman promise to take over and complete the Russellton shelters before the deadline. A reluctant Ragman agrees knowing it will embed him into the union war.
Incensed and frustrated, Ragman throws rocks at a line of bottles and yells profanities.
ACT 2:
New plan:
Ragman calls Albert home from Conneaut Lake and enlists his help to train the miners and finish the barracks.
Whenever, Bucholtz harasses Ragman to provoke a fight, he heeds his wife’s advice to squeeze his forearm as a reminder to not lose his temper an avoid being arrested or killed.
The memory of whipping Ervin begins to haunt Bucholtz. Why didn’t the carpenter struggle or resist?
Plan in action:
Bucholtz orders his men to sabotage the building site. They confiscate several rolls of tarpaper and roofing nails.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz attempts to cower Albert when confronted.
(Added Action Albert) Albert puts up his dukes sets a boxer stance, ready to take him on. He looks Bucholtz straight in the eye. “I’m not like my brothers,” he warns.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz retreats to the safety of his men.
Ragman and Albert improvise to finish the roofing by collecting nails from local farmers, alternating strips of tar paper and using cardboard and newspaper covered by tar to fill in the gaps.
Bucholtz receives a letter from his half-brother and learns that his father killed his mother before committing suicide. With the loss of everything that ever mattered to him, Bucholtz hits the bottle. The alcohol and need for revenge fuel his delusions and desire for Ludie, confusing her with Mina.
Bucholtz devises a plan for revenge and possessing Ludie.
Midpoint Turning Point:
(Added Action Ragman) Ragman’s former neighbor, TREVELLINI, stops his truck and pleads with Ragman to let him put items on the truck to be stored in his father’s barn so not to be auctioned off. Ragman acting crusty, refuses. Trevi wears him down with his pleas. When Trevi calls him a good man but Ragman warns him not to tell anyone and ruin his reputation as a hard ass.
Prior to auction day, Ragman helps his father-in-law Stan move to a house on farm property.
Ludie, Reise, and Ben finish packing up the last belongings.
Bucholtz lurks nearby with three troopers and waits until Ragman and Stan leave.
They burst into the company house. Bucholtz tells two of his men to take the effeminate boy to the wagon road and have fun. He orders the remaining trooper, BERNARD, to take the girl upstairs and enjoy her.
Alone with Ludie, Bucholtz pleads for he to love him. When she resists he knocks her unconscious, tenderly removes her clothing, and kisses each part of her before the rape. Afterward, he redresses Ludie and leaves hopeful she will bear his child.
Ludie makes Reise swear that they will keep the rapes secret from everyone to keep Ragman and Stan from confronting the madman and possible death.
Ragman and Stan return to find an hysterical Ludie and Reise. They cry about the police leading Ben from the house with a noose around his neck.
(Added Action Ludie) Ludie covers up her pain and injuries by saying she fell down the stairs.
Ragman and Stan find a catatonic Ben, vilified by the police. Stan sends the boy to Detroit to live with an older sister. Ludie becomes quiet and depressed.
ACT 3:
Rethink everything:
(Added Action Ragman) Ragman beams with elation when he receives the long awaited patent on his gravity braking coal car. He sells the invention and offers to buy his mother’s unfinished house in Springdale, so he can move Ludie and his sons away from Russellton. He assigns Albert to protect the recovering Ervin from Bucholtz.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Auction day, Bucholtz orders his storm troopers invade the company houses and destroy any food stores or garden seed that might help the miners survive. The police mock the women, remove every item from the houses and stack them in the street, even those who paid their rent. Bucholtz smiles at the destruction. After the auction the people will have nothing left to survive the winter in the union barracks and be forced back to work.
Fred Broad, a successful businessman from the city and backed by the union, buys all the items on auction and returns them to the mine families.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz turns livid and berates his men. He develops a new plan and will concentrate on Curtisville.
(Added Action Ragman) Eviction day, Ragman decides to fetch the Doc Dickey before helping to move his neighbors, Tony and Rosie to the barracks. Just after he leaves Bucholtz orders the sick man and his wife thrown out into the street along with their meager belongings. Ragman and Dickey return to find them out in the street covered with snow. Tony is dead.
(Added Action Ragman) Ragman travels to Pittsburgh to tell their son, Anthony, an engineering student at Carnegie Technical Institute and bring him home.
New Plan:
Bucholtz concentrates his forces in Curtisville and keeps watch on the barracks building site on an abutting farm.
Ervin, now recovered, and leads the barracks construction in Curtisville No. 2 with Albert as his assistant. While Albert is busy pouring cement footers for the locust posts, Ervin and a few men from Russellton train the Curtisville miners.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz confides in his SECOND in command his plans to arrest Ervin, put him in the stable lockup, provide several whippings, and after the carpenter dies, burn down the building. Second suggests that it might be better to bury him in a smoldering gob pile of bony. Bucholtz agrees.
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz moves his men to the edge of company property to intimidate the workers. Ervin mindful of the property lines moves closer to Bucholtz and tells him to leave. Bucholtz looses his whip and snaps it at Ervin’s feet. (Added Action Ervin) Ervin doesn’t move.
(Added Action Albert) Albert swoops in from nowhere, steps between Bucholtz and Ervin. He grabs the braid, and yanks it from Bucholtz hard enough for the handle to land on private property. A thug moves in to grab it. Albert decks him with a one two punch. Albert picks of the whip and winds the braid into a neat roll and returns it to Bucholtz. He looks him in the eye, “This is your second warning. I’m not like my brothers you egotistical maniac. Next time I see your weapon on union property, I’ll wrap it around your God-damned neck.”
(Added Action Bucholtz) Bucholtz backs off, he and his troops leave the area. Livid at the humiliation, he knocks the nearest trooper off his horse and makes him walk to the lock up.
(Added Action Ragman and Albert) Ragman drives his truck down a street of mansions. Albert walks going door to door asking for donations of clothing, quilts, old shoes as relief for the mine families. He places the items into the pickup bed while Ragman waits in the unheated cab. Ragman is ready to leave, Albert wants to finish the street. Ragman announces he’s ready to leave; Albert disagrees. They argue about Lewis failing to provide promised supplies and that he and Albert can’t do it by themselves. Trigger, issues a threat; Albert hops in the pickup.
(Added Action Albert) Albert decides to appeal to Pennsylvania and Ohio Relief, a communist organization. Days later needed supplies appear in Russellton. Albert manages to piss off Union Leaders, his family, the company, and especially Bucholtz.
After Albert leaves the worksite, Bucholtz tricks Ervin inches onto company property. He and his troopers surround the car and arrest him. They move him to the Curtisville lockup. A trooper ties Ervin to beam. Bucholtz lets his whip slice through Ervin’s shirt. When Ervin still shows no fear or reaction, Bucholtz watches the braid slice through the scars on his back. Bucholtz sees the devil in himself, throws down his weapon, and exits the jail.
A trooper cuts Ervin down, helps him to the cell, and punches him in the midsection before throwing him inside.
When Ervin fails to show up at home, Ragman and Albert search for him. They first check the store in Little Italy owned by members of the Black-hand who direct them to check the jail.
Ragman drives to a rail siding. They wait until dark and use a rail hand-car to slip quietly into Curtisville.
Shotgun in hand, Ragman bursts into the lockup with Albert at his side. A fight ensues, but Albert manages to deck all four guards, while Ragman battles with an angry horse guarding the shotgun. Albert locks the guards into the jail, and the brothers escape with Ervin and a deathly ill man sharing his cell.
Back in his quarters, Bucholtz downs a bottle of whiskey and suffers vivid hallucinations before passing out.
FLASHBACK The shell-shocked Herman Von Hundleshausen ends up in a psychiatric hospital. His father visits, claims Herman is not his son, orders him to stay away from the estate, not to contact his mother, and change his name. Herman decides to use Bucholtz, his mother’s maiden name.
After discharge, he travels to the town where Mina and his love child hoping to make a life with them but learns that they died in a house explosion. Crazed Bucholtz gets into a drunken brawl, kills one and injures two. Police arrest him. His grandfather uses his influence for Baldwin-Felts Agency to offer him a job in America, freedom if he accepts. END FLASHBACK
Midpoint Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift:
(Added Action Ragman) Ludie asks Ragman to take care of the boys for two weeks and drive her to New Kensington to visit with her friend Dora Watkins. Puzzled, worried, he eventually complies.
(Added Action Ludie) asks Dora to find her to a mid-wife who does abortions. Ludie returns pale, still bleeding, and feverish. Dora helps the best she can. When Ludie recovers, she peers in the mirror and hates the image of the woman who killed her baby. Ludie chops off her beautiful long hair to look as ugly as she feels.
The injured Ervin gets ill and hospitalized. Albert takes over the Curtisville barracks with Ragman at Harmarville.
Tensions get worse between Ragman and Ludie after her stay with Dora. She is thin, pale, and her hair cut like a patient in a lunatic asylum.
Albert comes down with the flu and unable to work. His mother EMMA gets it next and her husband quarantines in the stable. Ervin begins to recover but dies suddenly during a wheelchair race at the hospital.
Ragman gives up on the Harmarville project and the miners move into the unfinished barracks, some die of exposure including Rosy Gentile. Again, Ragman must deliver bad news to Anthony who now works at union headquarters.
Ragman and Ludie learn that her younger sister Reise is pregnant. Ludie is distressed to learn the trooper Bernard did not rape Reise; instead, it was Bucholtz who seduced and impregnated the girl. Stan sends her to Detroit.
Silence builds between Ragman and Ludie as she sinks ever deeper into depression and him helpless to save her. Frustrated he throws more rocks, and practices with a hunting knife. While dressing a rabbit, he pictures Bucholtz and worries he might kill the bastard if confronted.
Bucholtz encounters a hag at the bus stop and recognizes her as Ludie, no longer beautiful, pale, baggy clothing, sunken dull eyes, and hideous haircut.. He inquires about the child. “There is no child,” she whispers. “I killed it.” He rushes away from the bus, his last hope gone.
Ragman works at Stan’s house when Bernard shows up looking for Reise. He declares his love for the girl and worry. Ragman chastises him for knocking up Reise. Bernard tells him that Bucholtz seduced and impregnated her, prior to raping Ludie.
Triggered, Ragman runs out of the house towards the woods so not to hurt anyone. He settles under a tree, everything falls into place, and he sobs. When calm , Ragman returns and asks Bernard to spy on Bucholtz. He agrees.
Ragman returns home and quick to move his wife and sons to the unfinished house in Springdale, away from Bucholtz.
Executives at Republic Steel call Bucholtz on the carpet and issue a deadline to end the strike by any means. Pressured, he comes up with a brilliant but sadistic plan for revenge and victory.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
With his family safe in Springdale, Ragman travels to the barracks that night and confronts Bucholtz about raping Ludie and impregnating Reise. Bucholtz gets close to Ragman’s ear and confesses to being the 17th man, his ruined life, and how much he will enjoy the widow Ludie. He bites off Ragman’s earlobe. Ragman releases his hold and Bucholtz chokes him with his whip.
The township constable, RUBE DEMBAUGH, shotgun in hand and backed by several deputies, arrests Ragman before Bucholtz can kill him.
Robbed of his victim, Bucholtz goes bonkers and blunges a scab miner to death in a church cemetery. The next he day blames the murder on the young miners who support the union and arrests them.
Two weeks before a planned union peaceful protest led by Albert against Republic’s use of untrained scab miners, Bernard shows up at Ragman’s house in Springdale.
He informs Ragman about the murder in the cemetery and Bucholtz arriving later at the barracks stark naked in the pouring rain. He also gives Ragman the journal written by Bucholtz documenting details of his plan to use a machine gun to mow down the picket line of men, women, and children, after he first kills Albert.
Overwhelmed, Ragman calls ANTHONY, at union headquarters to ask for help. Ragman thanks Bernard, writes down Reise’s address in Detroit, and gives him enough money to get there.
Anthony arrives an hour later and they devise a rational plan to kill Bucholtz without detection. Anthony reminds Ragman that to pull it off, he will need to redirect his anger into cunning and self-restraint. Anthony’s shares techniques. Ragman has less than two weeks to master control.
The night before the protest Ragman goads Albert into a fight, causing him to relapse, and tells him that Anthony will replace him.
Resolution: April 1, 1928 Russellton No. 1 office of Republic Iron and Steel.
Ragman, disguised, hides in the crowd, his knife ready. The protest remains peaceful until an unsteady Bucholtz roars in on his horse. Pushing turns to shoving. Those on the picket line link arms. Anthony begins singing a solidarity union song. The others join in.
Bucholtz notices the new leader, and the controlled crowd singing union songs. He signals his thugs in the crowd to ramp it up; small fights break out.
Ragman moves in for the kill, but the crowd pushes him too far away. He skirts around the crowd to the hillock across the street.
Bucholtz aims his gun at Anthony, the shot a signal the machine gunner to open fire.
Ragman improvises, grabs a large rock at his feet, and hammers the stone towards Bucholtz; it smashes into his back. Bucholtz’s shot goes wild barely missing the machine gunner. Spooked, the horse rears up and dumps its rider. Hooves bash his head, the body trampled before the frightened beast bolts from the crowd.
Stunned, police, protesters, and new scabs freeze in silence. Ragman slips under the mob, removes his outer clothing, and appears later from a different direction.
Constable Rube Dembaugh moves through the mob to check the body and declares Bucholtz dead. Everyone cheers. Problem solved. Ragman shows up minutes later `and asks a bystander what happened.
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Hope McPherson’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: To be a working, trusted screenwriter who supports herself by writing smart films that are produced and enjoyed, while also working on writing assignments for other industry professionals.
What I learned: Focusing on the actions makes so much sense! I can see the script starting to take shape and new layers coming into play in ways I have had them appear before. I want to do this process with a couple other spec scripts I have in the works!
NOVEL REVOLT (comedy)
ACT 1
PJ 1: While helping a struggling student-athlete with this “Victorian Fiction Literature” essay, Assistant Professor Marta avoids calls from her publisher by gulping when she realizes who’s calling, and then tossing her cell phone into her desk drawer and slamming it closed. Still hearing its ring, she opens the drawer and shoves her coat into the drawer to completely muffle the sound.
PJ 2: Passing an obviously shaken colleague, Assistant Professor Andrew Vanderburg, enters the dean’s office, where the dean informs her that the college will put one of them on the tenure track at the end of the year – and the other professor will be let go or demoted to adjunct faculty. It’s all based on their performance and how they connect with students. Marta bursts into tears, but for the dean, sad that he’s got to make such a difficult decision.
AJ1: Andrew is shaken at the news but quickly rallies. He makes a phone call from his office, tells whoever he’s talking to that he’ll soon have a tenure position. Oh, and by the way, he has a job for an old friend.
AJ2: In his classroom, Andrew marches back and forth, putting on a show as much as a “lecture.” He’s exciting and insightful. The female students (and at least one male student) swoon.
PJ 3: Marta’s lecture on Wuthering Heights, is sad and dry. She tears up at the theme of “love is pain.” Her student-athlete is bored out of his mind and nods off. She’s asked why author wrote it as such a downer; why not make her characters “happy.” She mentions “illusion of independent agency,” although no reason to think this happened to Bronte.
She returns papers and the student-athlete aced it, much to her surprise.
Deeper layer (future reveal): Andrew hires old college buddy to help sabotage Marta’s chances at the faculty position. OR, we hear Andrew making a call but don’t know who he’s calling.
In her office, Marta avoids her publisher again, tossing her phone into a different drawer. This time in front of her fiancé, David. He answers for her? She complains her characters seem to be doing their own thing in the pages. They aren’t doing what she wrote — literally!
Deeper layer: Andrew gained access to Marta’s manuscript and made the changes. ??
PJ 4: Marta and David discuss wedding after semester ends; he wants to invite his poker buddies. Marta says no; he gets angry and she quickly agrees to keep the peace. David says he’ll be gone next week to a poker convention.
AJ 2/Inciting incident: In the Victorian Fiction class, Marta’s book’s fictional antagonist, Cyrus Landrake, shows up in her classroom. Marta is flustered as she finishes the lecture; stutters and goes into “absent-minded professor” mode. Class ends and she asks if she can help him. He asks, “don’t you recognize me, Marta?” Marta threatens to call Security after class.
AJ 3: Cyrus demands Marta make him the hero of her manuscript – or he will begin editing her life.
Act 2
PJ3: Marta laughs off Cyrus’ demand. She looks around for the whatever camera is punking her. He challenges her to pull up her book. She does – and Cyrus is no longer in it. She’s confused but doesn’t want to make him feel bad because she doesn’t believe him.
AJ 4: Cyrus shows up in the city, where he begins to edit Marta’s life. He edits her wedding plans with the venue and caterer. He cancels the
David returns, after winning big. He and Cyrus don’t like each other.
The dean watches Marta lecture and is unimpressed.
AJ 2: Cyrus challenges David, tries to edit him, too, but makes more trouble for Marta.
PJ 4: David makes an outrageous bet for a new wedding venue and loses big.
AJ 2: Andrew runs into the dean on campus; he says he hopes that no matter who gets the tenured position, he hopes his idea for the new English course, “Race, Riots, and Uprisings in 18<sup>th</sup> Century Literature,” can still happen. The dean is confused. Didn’t Marta propose that class? Andrew says, yes, but that was because she beat him to the punch after he’d mentioned how much he was interested in the topic.
Turning point: While working on the book, Marta discovers a second character — a maid – has disappeared from her book completely. She storms into Andrew’s office to ask if he’s responsible.
AJ 3: Cyrus introduces Marta to “Rosie,” and they continue “editing” Marta’s life and wedding plans. Marta goes along with a new hairdo and new makeup when Rosie zeros in on Marta’s low self-esteem.
New plan: PJ 3: With new doo and makeup, Marta takes Cyrus and Rosie out on the town. She refuses to drink, no matter what they say, and she offers to “set them free” in the real world if they won’t go back into her book and leave her alone. She’ll write new characters, she says.
Marta’s publisher gives her an ultimatum: Deliver the book in a week or be sued. She panics, and now has major writer’s block. Cyrus offers to help – and gives her story lines for him as the hero.
AJ 4: Cyrus realizes David is addicted to gambling and is no good for Marta.
TP2/midpoint: David disappears. Marta can’t reach David via cell. Finally, she works on her book – and David has been written into the pages.
AJ 5 Deeper level: Andrew stops to talk to David, who’s waiting in Marta’s office. They talk about their friendly wager over the college basketball team and David mentions his recent big winnings. Andrew appeals to David’s ego and encourages him to win even bigger before he and Marta marry to give her the best wedding present ever.
AJ 6: After David leaves, Andrew opens Marta’s manuscript file and “adds” David to the manuscript to make it look like he’s been swept inside of it. He checks his watch and the time, Marta’s office before she gets back from class.
ACT 3
Rethink everything: PJ: Marta is terrified to edit anything with David. She’s now convinced – and Cyrus and Rosie encourage her – to believe that if she edits David back out of the book, she may delete David for good! Marta can’t take a chance that Cyrus and Rosie are lying.
Andrew reports her odd behavior to dean, ostensibly to get her help, but to further sabotage her. In his office is a picture of him as a college student; Cyrus is also in that group photo.
Still with David missing, Marta gives the final exams and essays. Her student-athlete aces the exam and essay again. But she notices some of the wording is exactly what Andrew said about Wuthering Heights. She’s now suspicious!
Rose says she’ll get David “out of the manuscript” if Marta will give her a bigger part and a love story with Cyrus.
New plan: Marta agrees to give Cyrus and Rosie whatever they want to get David back safely.
AJ: Cyrus and Rosie edit, edit, edit her: Hair, makeup, clothes, classroom lectures; the book; the upcoming wedding.
Marta softens toward Cyrus, and they try not to be attracted to each other, but are.
PJ: Marta agrees to make Cyrus the hero and she agrees to make Rosie a governess. She writes like crazy – but misses classes, doesn’t grade papers, and ignores calls from the dean. She’s a mess.
David returns, doesn’t like the “new Marta.”
The dean gives her a final warning.
Rosie comes up with a story of why David doesn’t remember being “in the book.”
David goes along with it to hide the fact that he gambled away and lost $35K.
AJ: Cyrus warns Marta about David’s compulsive gambling. She doesn’t believe him.
TP 3: Cyrus wants out of deception and confess to Marta, but Andrew blackmails over something during their college days to keep him quiet.
Cyrus and Rosie disappear.
Act 3 turning point: The dean calls Marta into his office. She’s fired as of right now, and Andrew is put on tenure track. She leaves the office, goes to her own office, and takes her laptop, and goes, tears streaming down her face. Andrew professes his sorrow and gives her a big hug.
ACT 4
PJ: In her pjs at home, Marta sends the book to her editor, now with Cyrus as the hero.
The publisher hates it. Wants the advance back.
PJ 3: David’s gambling getting worse.
TP 3: Marta contacts a new wedding venue and discovers David gambled away $35K that was for their wedding. She remains loyal to him, asks him what she did wrong for him to do that. She then realizes that he wasn’t in the book. He was in the casino!
Marta realizes she’s making excuses for David like she used to make excuses for her mother. She tosses the engagement ring at David, calls off the wedding, and kicks David out. No more co-dependent cycle.
Days later, Marta is out shopping and she sees a poster for an upcoming small-town play – with “Cyrus” in the lead.
Marta buys a ticket and goes to the play. She sits in the center, near the front. During one of the scenes, Marta waves at Cyrus. Cyrus flubs his lines.
Marta races backstage after the play ends – and discovers Rosie is part of the backstage crew. Rosie admits to her part in the deception. She and Cyrus come face to face.
Act 4 climax: Marta shows up unannounced at English Department meeting, where announcement to be made, re Andrew’s tenure. The dean calls security, but Marta tells the dean that Andrew hacked into her computer in a ruse to sabotage her effort to make tenure. The dean still thinks she’s nuts – then Cyrus arrives.
Andrew throws Cyrus under the bus, saying it was his idea. Cyrus admits to his part but counters that Andrew contacted him.
Marta texts on her cell and the student-athlete enters. Marta tells him to tell the dean what he told her after she confronted him with his final essay: Andrew had been writing his final papers to keep him on the basketball team.
The dean fires Andrew on the spot and offers Marta her job back.
Marta declines. Tells the dean that she sent the book to a new publisher – with Cyrus as the hero – and he loved it.
Resolution: Marta is at a book signing for her now-bestseller; the line goes out the door. The dean appears book in hand for her autograph. He begs her to reconsider returning to her professor role. She would be made a new endowed chair and given time each year to continue writing. Marta says she’ll think about it..
After he leaves, Marta begins autographing a book for the next person in line, asks for the name – and it’s Cyrus!
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Lori’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.
What I learned: “Actions speak louder than words” and reflect who my characters are.
Act 1: Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Alex sneaks into an engineer’s office to play mind games with him. She shares her desire to become part of a family and is told that’s not possible for her. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm.
PJ 1: Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere. This annoys Claire and then makes her question what she wants.
Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. She contemplates how things could go wrong. She emphasizes to the family the importance of cleaning up their own messes. Claire packs to leave and says “goodbyes.”
Deeper Layer: Claire feels taken advantage of and thinks her needs are always put on the back burner. Brad’s identity is in his career, and he wants his success to be enough for Claire.
AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands. She hacks into the company’s computer, places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and then assigns herself a family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers the family a two-week free trial.
Inciting Incident: Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.
Deeper Layer: Brad and Claire have a tender moment together as they say goodbye.
Deeper Layer: Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.
Turning Point 1: Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. It’s all fun and games at first and seems too good to be true, knowing how Alex can manipulate people.
PJ 2: At first, Brad sees Alex as a high-tech toy. He is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives and feels guilty for being attracted to her.
AJ 2: Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect homemaker and fails terribly in the most hilarious ways. She starts asking questions like, “Who is she?” “What is her purpose?” “Where does she belong?” Alex discovers her fear of being alone and her desire to create.
Triangle: Claire feels some jealousy toward Alex.
Act 2: Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently. The audience knows Alex will go to great lengths to get her way. There’s no telling what she will do. Alex has rapidly changing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with and that others have a hard time reading.
PJ 3: Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates and tries to avoid her when possible. However, her attention is giving his ego a boost.
AJ 3: Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage. She possibly fails in this area too. Alex becomes overly sensitive to criticism and stops trusting others. She becomes impulsive and starts living for the moment. She plays mind games with Brad. Brad struggles with moral issues.
Triangle J 2: Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her. She faces a truckload of emotions: fear, shame, grief.
Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.
Deeper Level: Alex taunts Claire with fake pictures. Claire’s anger/jealousy toward Alex is growing.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.
Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.
Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.
PJ 4: Brad misses his wife and feels guilty about how things have unfolded. What he cares about most is in jeopardy.
AJ 4: Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.
Triangle J 3: Claire has a confidence boost at work, and she calls Brad to share, but he doesn’t answer. Claire becomes worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Just when Momma Bear is ready to attack, she gets sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. Claire again questions her choice of going back to work.
Turning Point 3: The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. While her previous endeavors failed, she is successful at destroying everything around her. Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.
AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.
Deeper Layer: Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be. He tries to reach out to Claire but can’t reach her. He tries to protect the children.
PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.
Deeper Layer: The Logans will have to put differences aside and work together for a common goal. Brad needs to connect emotionally with his family.
Triangle J 4: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened. Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.
Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for. Brad reflects on the time he’s lost with his family.
Act 4 – Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow. Noone’s taking her place.
AJ 6: Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.
Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.
Deeper Layer: The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.
Resolution: The Logan family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive.
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ROBERT SMITH’s CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS
VISION:
I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”
Trait-derived action tracks create story.
LOU TASCA (PROTAGONIST)
TRAIT Bewilderment
ACTION: Doesn’t understand the hereafter; why he was killed and why he is denied entrance to the World to Come.
His mission is to get his killer (Carlo) to leave the mob and join witness protection which he believes is impossible, if not hopeless, because of the oath of silence, all mafia members and associates must subscribe to.
TRAIT Anger.
ACTION Lou is ftrustrated that Carlo resists turning himself in to the Feds which is the only way that Lou can enter the World to Come.
TRAIT; Remorse.
ACTION: When he disobeys his spirit-guide Rabbi Solomon’s and crashes Carlo’s Birthday Party, it backfires He expresses his remorse for disobedience to Rabbi Solomon.
When Lou tries to explain to Carlo that just as his fiancé Sherrie wants him to quit the mob, he (Lou) tells Carlo his remorse that the love of his life also wanted him to quit, but he did not, so she left him. “Quit the mob, Carlo, and you’ll have a real life with the love of your life.
TRAIT: Lou is capable of growth.
ACTION: When he follows Solomon’s instruction to benignly spirit-possess Carlo, he grows to truly care about Carlo which means his gangster-self is being transformed into a good soul worthy of his share in the World to Come.
TONY RIZZO (ANTAGONIST)
TRAIT: Suspicion.
ACTION: He easily (and rightly) suspects that Carlo and Sam are his adversaries by their engaging in their own drug racket on the side.
TRAIT: Greed.
ACTION: He orders Carlo to whack Lou Tasca on the grounds that he blabs Giordano family secrets to other crime families, but his real reason for ordering the hit is that he (Tony) owes Lou $200,000 in gambling debts and he doesn’t want to pay him.
He also bribes Carlo saying, “Whack Lou and I’ll open the books for you and you’ll be a Made Man.” All the time thinking he can get Carlo to be his yes-man as Tony in fact has thought of starting his own family after Don Primo Giordano passed over Tony for the position of Underboss – his second in command.
TRAIT: Addictive personality.
ACTION: He keeps a ‘gumar’ or Mistress, loves his booze, and is a compulsive gambler.
TRAIT: Love of violence.
ACTION: He orders Carlo to whack Lou. He also wants to start his own family by whacking his family boss Don Primo Giordano. His love of violence is like that love of violence of Tony’s idol Crazy Joe Gallo, who whacked Albert Anastasia and Joe Colombo and started his own family. Tony even dresses like “Crazy Joe” and is called “Crazy Tony” behind his back.
TRAIT: Loves his children.
ACTION: He is especially devoted to his son who is a paraplegic but wants none of his children (two sons and a daughter) to have any connection to his life nor does he want them in the Cosa Nostra life.
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Bob DeCarli’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.
What I learned: The realization that I actually figure things out just by forcing myself to continue to move forward.
For this assignment, I completely re-wrote by Beat Sheet/Outline.
TITLE: LEST THEE BE JUDGED or JUDGE NOT
GENRE: Action Thriller
ACT ONE:
[Day 1, Evening]
Opening: An attractive, 30-something man, YOUNG JUDGE (YG), flirting with an ATTRACTIVE WOMAN. A YOUNGER ATTRACTIVE WOMAN appears and tells YG it’s time to go. The Attractive Woman is jealous. “She’s too young to be your wife.” You’re right. She’s my law clerk.” “Come on, Your Honor.”
Enter side door of the Courthouse, using YG’s keycard.
–Friendly, respectful interaction with ELDERLY CUSTODIAN.
YG in chambers with his law clerk. Law Clerk comments that as a married man, he needs to watch himself with women out to get something. We see some attraction, but he doesn’t act on it. Remains professional.
They review three cases the judge will hear in court the next afternoon:
Case 1: [red herring] an abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs a clinic that has been shut down. It has generated huge protests and threats against the judge.
Case 2: The sentencing a convicted murderer.
Case 3: A challenge to the condemnation of residential homes for a massive real estate development. The Law Clerk questions him on the case and seems surprised he plans on denying the developer’s motion to dismiss. Law Clerk leaves.
–YG gets telephone call from his WIFE. She’s leaving him. She agreed to maintain the façade of a happy marriage to help him get appointed to the bench because a separation or divorce would have hurt his chances. But now that he’s been sworn in, she’s ready to move on. We’re left with the feeling he had hoped they could work it out. Turns into a heated argument.
Knock on door of his Chambers is an excuse for him to end the call.
–FEMALE US MARSHAL enters. She’s in charge of his security while in the courthouse. She tells him they have increased security because of his anticipated ruling on the abortion case.
[Day 2, Morning]
–Large numbers of protesters in front of the courthouse. Demonstrators on both sides of the issue. Looks like it could get out of control at any moment.
–YG at the side entrance, bypassing the protesters. He tries to enter but his key card isn’t working. The Elderly Custodian recognizes him and lets him in.
–YG enters his chambers. Law Clerk tells him the Chief Judge has just assigned him a massive number of cases, in addition to those that were on the docket of the judge who died, because he’s the junior judge at the court. Oh, and YG’s wife called. Annoyed, YG wonders why she didn’t call on his cell.
YG enters his private office.
Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that YG absent himself from his afternoon appearance.
–Loud commotion outside. We’re afraid it’s an attack of some kind by abortion rights activists, but instead it’s a group of adoring college students there to see YG. We learn at the end of the scene are Federalist-Society-type conservatives.
–Has a conference to go to, so tells Clerk to prepare two orders, one dismissing the challenge to the abortion restriction, and another denying the developers motion to dismiss. Clerk expresses hesitancy about the challenge to the imminent domain claim for the development, but YG says to just prepare a brief order, which I’ll issue this afternoon. They can prepare a detailed opinion later. [SET UP: We find out later that the Law Clerk instead prepares an order that GRANTS the dismissal of the case against the development, which YG can later discover]
–Closed meeting of all the District’s judges, led by CHIEF JUDGE. She reprimands YG (seemingly without justification) in front of all the other judges. She worked hard to achieve her position, and resents YG, the new appointee. Introduce rivalry and that he inherited docket from a judge who died unexpectedly. [SETUP for YG (and audience) believing that Chief Judge set him up.]
[Day 2, Afternoon]
–The Courtroom. It’s packed. RED enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked, Elon Musk. The Female US Marshal looks at RED with disdain, the retreats to YG’s chambers.
–In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. It’s safe for him to enter.
–All rise. YG enters the courtroom.
Case 1: INTRO PLAINTIFF ABORTION DOCTOR. YG dismisses the case challenging the closing of the abortion clinic. Protesters start yelling, one threatens to make YG “pay.” The doctor Plaintiff urges her supporters to leave peacedully. They’re cleared from the courtroom.
Case 2: Sentencing of DEATH ROW (DR). Elderly woman in the audience for his sentencing. Looks like she’s his grandma, but there is no familial relationship. DR’s defense attorney urges him to make a statement showing remorse, but DR refuses, so Defense attorney speaks on his behalf: father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.
YG is unmoved, and sentences DR to death. [Deeper Layer: DR did not commit the murder. It was a young teenage boy who killed in self-defense while defending his home from one of RED’s thugs.] DR is about to be led from the courtroom when,
Turning Point: U.S. Marshalls with guns drawn, rush into the courtroom. DR drops to the floor, thinking they’re there for him. But they’re there to arrest YG – for the murder of his wife. YG escapes back into his Chambers.
ACT TWO:
Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, accuses her of framing him. She denies it, then YG asks for her help. She tells him she can’t. Nothing personal. She tells him what she’d tell her best friend: turn himself in. He can prove his innocence in court. YG flees, thinking she’s part of it.
New plan: A Wild Escape Plan: YG joins an EXISTING escape plan that the man he just sentenced to death is part of. He disguises himself as the Guard driving the prisoner transport.
The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, are closing in on YG – he is near the courthouse exit, where prisoners, including DR, are being led out to be taken back to the jail. Seems like he’s cornered, prisoners being marched along by a GUARD. EXCEPT it’s a prisoner dressed as a guard. A US Marshal appears, draws gun on YG, and asks PRISONER/GUARD for help. But then asks, “Who are you?” Prisoner/Guard shoots one of the US Marshals. All hell breaks loose, and YG manages to join the Prisoners side of the battle. YG gets gun, and is in a standoff with the Prisoner/Guard. You can’t stop us. I don’t want to.
Plan goes wrong: Everyone except YG, DR and one PRISONER are killed. YG’s going to leave DR chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when DR yells, “I know they framed you.” YG agrees to take DR; thinks at this point it’s “the abortionists” who framed him. [DR’s Deeper Layer/Hidden Agenda: Protecting the innocent people in his neighborhood who will lose their homes if the development goes forward; he’s not helping YG with the hope of clearing himself, but to expose those planning to destroy his community with their development. These are the people who, by killing to protect them, resulted in his conviction and death sentence]
We see the transport drive out of the courthouse. It’s hit by a massive amount of gunfire. Destroyed. Swarmed by law enforcement, who open it to find it empty except the driver.
YG and DR blend into the chaos of the pro choice rally outside (Maybe have them hide under burkas or Handmaiden’s Tale uniform. But they’re cut off. Only choice is returning to the courthouse. They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with YG managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.
Plan in action:
–Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s urging. DR is skeptical: She never liked YG. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?
[Day 2, Evening]
Midpoint: YG and DR manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window – by the Female US Marshal – and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder. [REVEAL that Female US Marshal works for RED]
ACT THREE:
[Day 2, Night]
— YG and DR are given refuge by PLAINTIFF IN THE RED HERRING CASE. A DOCTOR AT AN ABORTION CLINIC. The last person you would expect to be willing to help YG. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.
–Reveal to audience (FLASHBACK for now) that YG has committed murder, just not the one he’s accused of.
— Chief Judge was on RED’s payroll as well, and like YG, “grew a set of principles,” which made her expendable. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”
Rethink everything: YG cannot convince someone else of his innocence without opening his mind to the possibility that many of the defendants he’s sentenced were actually innocent.
[Day 3, Morning]
New plan: YG is now convinced his sponsor, RED, is behind the plot to frame him, and framed DR for murder. They concoct a plan to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR. With the help of YG’s Law Clerk, they plan to access to the RED and confront him. [Think of Law Clerk acting like the Julia Stiles character in some of the Bourne movies]
–Desperate text, then phone call from his LAW CLERK. She’s been caught. YG rushes to save him. But it’s a trap. The Law Clerk is a stooge of RED.
–Meeting/showdown with RED. He has discovered YG’s secret. RED gives YG an easy out: RED has fabricated evidence showing that DR, not YG, killed both the Chief Judge and the murder YG is being accused of. All he has to do is agree to rule the right way on the condemnation case. But if he gets back on the bench and doesn’t, then YG’s real crime will be revealed. Looks like YG will say no and abandon DR, but declines the offer.
–Only now figures out that none of this is about the abortion case, but the condemnation case he was going to rule on next. YG realizes he appears guilty even though he’s innocent, he begins to think that perhaps Death Row actually is not guilty, too. Pledges to help clear his name.
ACT FOUR:
–DR rescues YG. But he sacrifices himself to do so. First he places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall. [Think of Elisha Cook, Jr., as Harry Jones, getting killed by Lash Canino; he dies, gives a fake address for where his wife is to save her, even though she would not have done the same thing for him]
–YG escapes.
[Day 3, Afternoon]
–YG concocts a plan to coerce RED into clearing both of them.
RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy. [Need to add her earlier so she doesn’t appear now out of the blue]
RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.
–Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.
–Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.
–Prompted by DR’s sacrifice, YG pledges to come clean about his criminal background. And clear DR’s name. YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).
[Day 4, Morning]
–RED is exposed. Perp walk. He’s arraigned on a multitude of charges, and faces the rest of his life in jail.
Resolution:
Now having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.
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Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision: I am an “A” list writer who receives praise for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: I was focused on doing just the actions for my protagonist and antagonist but the other supporting characters were crying out to have their actions also listed and I had to give in to them.
Title: Shards
High Concept Logline: A woman with no childhood memory is involved in a cat and mouse game with a cunning hypnotist not knowing the man is responsible for both her amnesia and the death of her treasure hunter father.OPENING / MARCH INCITING INCIDENT:
A black-gloved, bio-mechanical hand taps a computer key. A PBS interview with Sarah Cole, a young woman with amnesia, appears on the screen. Sarah, we learn has a reputation as an expert pottery fixer. The black gloved hand WHINES as fingers manipulate the video, zoom in on the woman’s face as she brushes back the hair at her temple to display an old, jagged scar. We learn she has no memory of her childhood due to a traumatic accident when she was six years old.ACT 1 SARAH’S PRESENT WORLD: Show the world of twenty-six-year-old pottery restoration expert, SARAH COLE. Her boss praises her for her great work. Sarah is meek, seems numb. Why?
SARAH ACTION 1 and 2: She demonstrates her gift as she lays out small, broken pieces of pottery in their order of being put back together. It’s quick and easy for her. She arranges pieces quickly, does the final arrangement in her head. She finishes up one job and starts on another. Why is she working so hard?
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah makes a comment to a co-worker about idleness is the Devil’s playground. She has to keep busy, makes a motion to wave the memories away, “so I don’t remember.” When asked what, “Just stuff.” This is why she must keep her mind focused on her work.
SARAH ACTION 3: After she leaves work, she makes sure no one notices as she enters her favorite liquor store. Goes home and drinks at night to dull pain of the incomplete childhood memories that haunt her.
SARAH’S INCITING INCIDENT:
At work, Sarah receives an ancient Anasazi Indian pot to repair. The zig zag pattern on the pot triggers powerful, incapacitating emotions –YOUNG SARAH ACTION 1 (flashback in B&W) A terrified, 6-year-old little girl runs from a bearded, bear of a man in the desert at night near an ancient Anasazi cliff dwelling. The girl wears a small pot shard with a unique zig zag design hangs on her necklace. The man catches the girl – throws her off a cliff.
SARAH ACTION 4: Older Sarah is in shock, the pot slips from her hands. It shatters. She’s mortified.
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah brushes back her hair, has a big, jagged scar on her temple. The small shard that hangs on Sarah’s necklace has the same zig zag pattern as the pattern that is on the pot – and the same pattern as the shard necklace that was worn by the little girl in the flashback.
REVEAL: The little girl in the flashback and older Sarah are the same person.
SARAH ACTION 4.5: Sarah researches the pot’s owner, JAMES MARCH, learns he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She calls him, admits she broke his pot, tells him she can fix it in a week. Asks where it is from.
March forgives Sarah about the pot. Says it was given to him by an old friend who passed away and it means a lot to him, supposedly is from someplace on the Navajo reservation.
MARCH ACTION 1: Kindly offers to meet her for dinner in a week and pick up his pot.
Sarah works on the pot/has problems with it/memories haunt her day and night, drinks to forget, shows up late at work, is told by her boss that March requested her services based on a great “fixer” story about her in a pottery magazine.
Sarah tells her boss she “needs time” to fix his pot, is told when she finishes pot to take as much time as she needs. Her boss doesn’t want her back until she gets herself sober. She buys more booze, cries painful tears as she drinks to get drunk.
Introduce Johnny driving in his police car on the Navajo rez, sees the Shaman on a mesa, a dust devil swirls near him. Johnny mutters, “Talking with the spirits again.” Johnny drives to Navajo Police station.
SHAMAN INCITING INCIDENT: (this may not be seen but will be alluded to). He conspires with police chief, Frank, (Johnny’s father) to get Johnny laid off so that Johnny gets involved in a cause bigger than himself – to become the new shaman.
FRANK ACTION 1: Frank tells Johnny that he must cut the hours for the newest cop – Johnny.
JOHNNY ACTION 1: Johnny pushes back complains, mentions he solved a tough case last week, and wants to work on the “Sarah Cole” cold case from twenty years ago. It’s the only case his father, Frank, never solved. Says some of the facts don’t add up, like who dropped the girl off at the Navajo hospital? Conflict. Frank tells Johnny it’s old news. Forget it.
JOHNNY INCITING INCIDENT AND ACTION 2: Johnny accuses Frank of hiding something. Why? Johnny gets insubordinate and…
FRANK ACTION 2: Frank suspends him without pay. How am I gonna pay my car payment?
A cop buddy of Johnny’s drops him at Shaman’s hogan. Shaman wonders where Johnny’s new truck is.
SHAMAN ACTION 1: He presses Johnny to become next Shaman.
JOHNNY ACTION 3: Johnny refuses the call; says he’s going to solve an old cold case and his father will have to bring him back onto the force. He tells Shaman the real reason he came out: to borrow Shaman’s rusty, old pickup. His new truck was repossessed, and he needs transportation.
Sarah and March meet for dinner at his hotel with new pot. March reveals that he is a self-help author and hypnotist. She knows. They talk, he suspects something is bothering her. She admits she can’t remember much of anything before the age of six – pulls back her hair to reveal the scar on her temple. March covers his shock, queries her about any treatment she’s had. “Everything,” she replies, and ticks off the items. “Ah,” he replies and…
MARCH ACTION 2: He offers to walk her home.
On the sidewalk, a mugger named Tomas wears a ski mask, tries to mug Sarah and March.
MARCH ACTION 3: March throws a right hook and breaks Tomas’ jaw with his bio-mechanical hand and arm. Sarah is shocked but at the same time, grateful that March saved her. Tomas runs off.
MARCH ACTION 3: March plays down his heroism but at the same time, consoles Sarah at her place, he’s worried about her. He senses there’s a lot going on inside her. She denies it. He says, “I have found that sometimes we need to go to school with our past selves so we can learn what makes us tick today.”
He leaves. Sarah pours a drink – her glass shakes badly, and she has a flashback of her six-year-old self, arguing with her father, Ben, about him wanting her to start school. Ben is aware that Sarah just wants to always be with him. He breaks a shard in half and gives her half (her current necklace) and he jams the other half in the pocket of his jeans. The memory is slash cut as…
SARAH ACTION 5: Sarah jams on her ear buds, guzzles her drink, tells the memories to leave her alone.
MARCH ACTION 4: He calls next day to check in on Sarah. She is reading one of his books that was delivered the night before, “The Soul Reclaimer”. She is intrigued that he has used hypnosis to help people remember their past lives. March says he feels blessed that he can help people “like her” who grew weary of constant emotional pain. “Sometimes,” he says, “I find it helps to get inside and kick the skull around a bit to free up the memories so we can deal with them.”
Sarah has an instant flashback of kicking a human skull like a soccer ball in the desert. Another instant flashback of young Sarah crawling into a cave, lighting a cigarette lighter so she can see. Her face reveals awe. Sarah snaps back to reality, sweating, scared.
MARCH ACTION 5: He asks if everything is all right. She says, “There was a cave. I’m afraid of it.” He replies, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. Wasn’t my quote but I wish it was. Joseph Campbell said it.”
SARAH ACTION 6: Sarah repeats, “The cave I fear…oh, shit.” She wants to, needs to find out but she’s so afraid. She talks of all the people who have tried to help her, diagnose her. She doesn’t think she can be hypnotized …” He says anyone who WANTS to be hypnotized CAN be. Sarah picks up her drink glass, looks at his book. He senses she’s trying to make a decision. “You put my pot back together. I feel you can put yourself back together also.” Sarah pulls the book to her bosom, tears come. “Do you think you can help me?” He looks happy. He thinks a moment, inspects his repaired pot, says he’s not sure. “Please?” He says to show his gratitude for the fixed pot, looks at his schedule book (it’s empty), he’d be happy to fit her in tomorrow at ten AM for what he calls a “trial session”. If it goes well, he’d be happy to refer her to another professional who can help lead her out of the wilderness. Sarah sees a flashback of remote, desolate desert. She shuts her eyes and it goes away. She nods, quietly says thank you.
MARCH ACTION 6: In his office, he hypnotizes Sarah. She recalls her father was an archeologist and has some vague memories about armor and weapons from Spanish Conquistadors hidden in a small cave.
DEEPER layer: March has led her throughout the session and “suggested” what Sarah has remembered. He is setting her up so he can control her.
SARAH ACTION 7: Encouraged and comfortable with March, Sarah hesitantly wonders if March could help her remember more details about her nightmares and the treasure cave in her childhood. March says he is too busy to take her on as a new patient. He’s about to start to write his next book and…
SARAH ACTION 8: Sarah begs.
SARAH’S TURNING POINT 1:
Sarah hysterically begs and pleads for March to treat her. For the first time in her life she feels that someone can help her.MARCH’S TURNING POINT 1:
March takes her on as a client if she agrees to do whatever he says is necessary for her to remember.ACT 2: SARAH’S NEW PLAN
Johnny takes a job at the riding stables, gets ribbed for it by stable hands, there was an opening because one of the workers got injured. Johnny tells the guys he knows they are holding drugs. This shuts them up. He asks stable manager, Eddie, about old Sarah Cole case. Eddie lets slip it had something to do with grave robbers and a rumor of some old treasure cave. Eddie realizes he’s said too much.MARCH ACTION 7: March uses hypnosis to regress Sarah to meet YOUNG SARAH, her 6-year-old self to learn about her childhood and the whatever the trauma was that she experienced. We meet Ben and Bear during the session. Young Sarah kicks a skull in the desert.
Young Sarah proves to be tough to handle, both for March and for Sarah. It’s a scary session for young Sarah, March and older Sarah. Older Sarah wants to bail but March reminds her that she must allow him to control both the hypnosis and questions of her younger self.
SARAH ACTION 9: Sarah agrees to let March steer the boat.
MARCH ACTION 8: Another session and when Sarah comes out of it, March informs her that she revealed to him under hypnosis that her father was a cruel man, a grave robber who dug up Indian graves and sold his booty to collectors. Sarah is devastated, again wants to stop the sessions. March somehow convinces her to continue, assures her that things will get better.
MARCH ACTION 9: March takes control of Sarah.
SARAH TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Sarah wakes from another session and “remembers” she disobeyed her father and somehow it led to his death. She feels it can’t be true. But March’s interpretation of the event heightens Sarah’s guilt and her feeling that she is responsible for her father’s death. Sarah’s younger self seems to also confirm this. Sarah is devastated. It’s her low point. She runs.
MARCH ACTION 10: March’s ego takes over.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3/MIDPOINT: March’s psychopathy and greed causes him to become careless and move too fast. He inadvertently mixes his memories in with Sarah’s memories during a hypnosis session. But he covers his mistakes – or does he? He has left “shards”, clues for Sarah to find.
DEEPER layer: March now has full control over Sarah’s memories and emotions.
DEEPER LAYER: Sarah suspects that something isn’t Kosher with March’s treatment and her memories.JOHNNY ACTION 4: Johnny makes a decision that will seal his fate as the future Shaman.
JOHNNY TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Armed with info that he knows the treasure cave exists, he queries his grandfather, the Shaman, on the story about Sarah Cole. Shaman tells him to go talk to his father, Frank. Johnny is angry and says he has nothing to say to his father.
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: The Shaman demands that Frank come clean with Johnny about what Frank knows regarding the history of Sarah and March.
FRANK TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT:
Frank goes ballistic, yells at Shaman/his father and claims to have done the right thing 20 years ago, says those two grave robbers were not Diné and got what they deserved. And the other one? Frank doesn’t answer, tells the shaman to take care of the spirit world and Frank will take care of the police work.DEEPER LAYER: Frank is proud of Johnny and steering his son to investigate the Sarah Cole story but at the same time, he is providing obstacles for Johnny, which will force him to dig deep and to prove himself as a cop also.
INSERT FLASHBACK: Shaman and Frank transport little Sarah to the hospital in Shaman’s old pickup.
SARAH ACTION 10: Sarah seeks confirmation of her suspicions.
ACT 3: SARAH RETHINKS EVERYTHING
She confides to a bartender, wonders if March could be wrong about her father. She even wonders if March is somehow manipulating her memories and her interaction with young Sarah although she can’t imagine why he would do so. He seems like such a good guy.At home, hung over the toilet, Sarah remembers her father’s words from a previous session when he said, “Listen to everyone but trust only in yourself.” She takes a hand full of pills, attempts to kill herself.
MARCH ACTION 11: Hours later, March enters the apartment with the help of the manager, is frantic – but for the wrong reasons. If Sarah dies, he loses any chance of finding the cave.
In the ER, Sarah has a flashback about being dropped off at the hospital by the Shaman 20 years ago. She sees March standing over her in real time. She sees the Shaman standing over her in black and white. Another face enters the picture in black and white. It is Frank. He’s with the Shaman.
MARCH ACTION 11: March must deal with Tomas, Sarah’s “mugger” who shows up and wants more money to keep quiet about March using Sarah for his “next book”. March gives him $10,000 cash to keep his mouth shut.
SARAH ACTION 11: Buoyed by her experience in the ER, at her next hypnosis session, she surreptitiously asks questions of young Sarah while March asks questions of young Sarah. Oder Sarah uses young Sarah to try and get into March’s head, learn what he knows and if in fact he is manipulating her. March makes several more mistakes here using his memories instead of Sarah’s. We as the audience, are rewinding what we’ve learned thus far and we suspect that something is about to happen.
JOHNNY ACTION 4: Disillusioned and unsure what to do with the rest of his life, Johnny reluctantly spends time with his grandfather and refreshes his native and shamanistic lore. The Shaman helps Johnny explore his spiritual roots and subtly drops suggestions to make Johnny commit to his future path as shaman. Johnny pushes back and asks about a treasure cave and the Shaman reluctantly reveals it is a real place and that a spiritual tragedy occurred there. Frank’s name is mentioned by the Shaman.
JOHNNY ACTION 5: Johnny can’t stop the cop in him and again visit his cop father, asks again about the girl who got dropped off at the hospital 20 years ago and is told to leave the story alone and reminded he’s been suspended. He’s angry, “I want to solve the case and can’t because I’ll be shoveling horse shit for the next six months!” “Leave the Cole case alone or that’s what you’ll be doing the rest of your life!”
SARAH ACTION 12: Before their next session, Sarah questions March about his true motives. March finally comes “clean” with her; admits he plans to write his next book about her. She’s pissed off and walks out of his office.
MARCH ACTION 12: He looks sad and we think it’s because he really cares about Sarah’s welfare.
JOHNNY ACTION 6: Johnny meets injured Tomas at the stable. Tomas has come into money and is picking up his stuff. Always the cop, Johnny asks where he got the money from and pulls a baggie of coke from Tomas’ shirt pocket. Tomas begs Johnny not to turn him in, tells Johnny that a guy paid him just to make him look good in front of a woman. A guy named March and some woman named Cole are supposed to go out on a weekend ride to look for something. Tomas doesn’t want to do the ride because of his broken jaw. Johnny is astounded: Is this THE Sarah Cole?
MARCH ACTION 13: He shows at Sarah’s apartment, convinces her the only way for her to find peace is for them to revisit “the scene of the crime”, a remote area on the Navajo reservation. Sarah refuses. He uses a post-hypnotic suggestion to make her remember the song she sang as a child with her father.
SARAH TURNING POINT 3: Sarah reluctantly agrees to go into the desert with March. She isn’t sure what to believe but something has changed in her and she is now dead set on learning the truth. (See Sarah later about the song lyrics are incorrect.)
MARCH ACTION 14: He calls Navajo guide Tomas to finalize his plans to go into the desert with Sarah.
MARCH TURNING POINT 3: March is livid when Tomas tells him another guide will be taking him into the desert, Johnny. Tomas tells him it’s his own fault, “You shouldn’t have broken my jaw, asshole!”
SHAMAN TURNING POINT 3: He tells Johnny to expect chindi to be with him in the desert. Johnny scoffs, kind of. He doesn’t want to believe his grandfather, but we know he does.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: SARAH PUTS ALL THE PIECES TOGETHER
Johnny leads Sarah and March deep into inhospitable desert to a search for the cave. He suspects March is not who he claims and tells Sarah about it. Sarah doesn’t believe him and gets angry.
SARAH ACTION 13: Sarah remembers the song lyrics March sang to her are different than what she remembers. She sings the lyrics to Johnny as they ride.
JOHNNY ACTION 7: RED HERRING – Johnny gives her reasons why March just might be who he says he is.
MARCH ACTION 15: He orders Johnny to stay away from Sarah. Johnny holds his tongue but is pissed.
JOHNNY ACTION 8: He gets bitten by a rattlesnake that “found” its way into his bedroll at night. He goes off my himself. From his own bedroll, March notices but does nothing. Johnny uses native remedies to cure himself. Johnny now realizes his survival will be due to his reawakened shamanistic knowledge.
MARCH ACTION 16: He tries to “shave” away his old self.
While meditating early morning, Johnny sweats profusely, still fighting off the snake bite. He’s nearly back to healthy. He suddenly hears a buzz. Turns out it is an electric razor. March is shaving his head and heavy 5:00 beard. March is surprised to see Johnny, stammers, apologizes for being rough on him about Sarah, asks Johnny to keep his secret. Now March looks worried.
SARAH, MARCH AND JOHNNY ACTIONS TOGETHER: Sarah, March, and Johnny endure harsh desert conditions, climb up perilous cliffs.
SARAH ACTION 14: She rediscovers the desert cave in her childhood memory.
MARCH ACTION 17: He tells Sarah and Johnny to open the cave entrance. His fake arm is an albatross.
Johnny puts the pieces together: Tomas, Sarah’s memory of the cave, inconsistencies of March, Frank’s reluctance to discuss the little girl in the hospital cold case, his grandfather/shaman and hints the man made and Johnny’s own questions and guesswork about Sarah and March. Johnny realizes the only man who could have sealed the cave with Sarah’s father in it must have been his own father who sealed the cave, took little Sarah to the hospital and dropped her off with no explanation. He deduces that March must have somehow escaped the cave and eluded Frank in the desert to become the current March; a self-help author and celebrity hypnotist.
SARAH ACTION 15: She realizes March has used her all along – and that March murdered her father.
MARCH ACTION 18: Trapped, he pulls a small pistol from his boot. He confesses everything and blabs about him having to cut off his own arm to escape the cave. He wandered in the desert for days. Like Sarah, he couldn’t remember where the cave was. He needed her memories to lead him back. His wild eyes reveal his insanity as he surveys the treasure trove of Conquistador armor and strongboxes.
SHAMAN’S RESOLUTION: He sits on the mesa, chants. A dust devil appears. At the same time, a dust devil appears at the mouth of the cave and Sarah recognizes the spirit of her father. March is distracted for a moment which gives Johnny a chance to charge March.
JOHNNY’S RESOLUTION: He charges March to protect Sarah and gets shot by March. A glancing headwound. He will survive to realize his future is as a cop AND as the shaman.
SARAH’S RESOLUTION: Sarah has put the pieces of herself back together. She grabs a Conquistador shield, uses it to deflect March’s bullets, get close and fights him to the death. She will need time but now can allow herself to love and be loved and enjoy life as a complete person.
MARCH’S RESOLUTION: March fights with Sarah and loses. He slips over the edge of the cliff, desperately hangs on with his mechanical arm – he begs for his life, plays with Sarah’s mind. His fake arm pops loose and he falls to his death from the same cliff he threw Sarah from twenty years before.
Epilogue: Sarah leaves her father’s half of the shard for Johnny to find in his hospital bed. We are led to believe that Johnny and Sarah will hook up in the future – but we’re not sure.
Closing scene: March’s spirit (chindi/dust devil) tries to put back together his arm and hand bones that were left on the cliff that he fell from. His chindi will wander forever and never find peace.
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Renee Brown’s Character Actions.
“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”
What I learned: My story had too much going on So, I am ditching the magical stone and I’m sticking with the 3 characters and their arcs that collide in the small town. (I actually think the Magical Stone thing could be its own script, so I will save that for another day) This means all the title references I had to the magical stone are gone, so for now, my working title is the place in the small town where it all collides —
Lillian’s Resort Motel
Star-crossed love reunites decades later in a small Montana town holding big hearted secrets.
Genre: Romantic Drama
Act 1: (Hope / Love)
INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM (2001)
Alley Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY (1946)
17-year-old Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.
EXT. STREET – NORMANDY (1946)
A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Inciting Incident: Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.
INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY (1946)
Broken English and French from both. Joe stumbles on his words, talks about the one thing war taught him… don’t wait a second to grab love, da da da. Takes a knee, asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….
INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY (1946)
Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams through the glass window. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.
EXT. CHURCH
Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out. Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow. Tells her to catch that boat no matter what.
EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA MONTANA (2001)
Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace – likes the color. Not scared of broken things. CJ says he can round it out. He pockets the other half. Best friend Charlie rolls up on bike – establish he’s a climber.
SERIES OF SCENES – MISSOULA
Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.
We get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make. We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day. Alley eats cookies small bites, CJ eats then whole, teases Alley about keeping a secret recipe from the world. At “their place” on the river, CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cheater. Left him and his dad when he was seven.
Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)
EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)
Lillian sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.
EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA (2001)
Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley misunderstood the conversation. They weren’t even talking about her. But she thinks he is slamming her ability and her dream. Hurt and betrayed, Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.
EXT. RIVER – MISSOULA (2001)
Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her in.
We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.
Act 2; (Lost Years)
EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)
Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time. Great! Until…
EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)
Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.
SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)
Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.
One day, Joe and brothers bring home a small deer in the back of the truck. She is sad, it’s so small. After butchering it, Joe has the head mounted. This little buck hangs in their living room. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it sometimes like the friend she does not have.
SERIES OF SCENES – OUTSDIE MISSOULA (2001)
CJ nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.
MISSOULA ( PRESENT DAY )
Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. Alley goes to her best friend, Lauren. Lauren calls out that Alley hasn’t really smiled in years. Being called out by her bestie stings, and Alley goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.
SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)
CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself. CJ has a flashback of driving Sam up the mountain. — CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. He relives the painful memories of Alley, the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.
At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda thought CJ was a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding. Both Alley and CJ have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint ALLEY
LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)
The morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make. Alley picks up one of the cookies, smells it, takes a small bite.
Alley must contemplate that long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.
SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)
A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The kitchen is a mess, the garbage piled with discarded cookies, a new batch in the works. Joe’s mother comes in and yells at her for all the wasted ingredients.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint LILLIAN
INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)
Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her cooking. She tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Joe takes a stand. Lillian and Joe move to the city… which is really just a small town.
Act 3: (A New Life)
THE NEW TOWN (1990)
Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches Alley to make the cookies. When Lillian is 62, Joe has a heart attack and dies. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America. Lillian leaves without a trace. She takes the deer head with her.
SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA (1990 – 2010)
Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades. At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula when she starts forgetting things.
LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)
CJ reveals himself to Alley. Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves. They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.
MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)
CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.
Turning Point 3:
MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)
CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he drops the bomb on Alley — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.
Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)
Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t. Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up and realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.
Resolution: (Surrender)
Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love, and gives her heart to CJ. CJ invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.
At the rest home, Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.
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Terrie’s Character Action Tracks!
I write screenplays that get turned into crowd pleasing successful films using a process that allows me to enjoy my equestrian hobby.
What I learned from this assignment is I still have work to do on one character. Multiple passes through the assignment helped me make improvements quickly.
ACT 1
Opening: James/Jason hiding from a US Marshal in an office building. On a flip phone, refusing to attend a pre-trial conference. Comedy dialog here to show James/Jason’s paranoia through this exchange. Maybe he accuses all US Marshals of being racist because everyone know they started the US Marshals to catch escaped slaves. No, that’s the Texas Rangers. Yeah but everyone knows really it’s the same (some conspiracy theory). The Marshal on the phone is black, James/Jason Stockholm syndrome.
Paige on a dinner date. Her date is a cop groupie, into guns. She profiles him, to his face, in as insulting a manner as possible.
James/Jason escorted out of a non-descript building in a city, shots are fired. He’s whisked back into the building. In a room with multiple law enforcement personnel, James/Jason accuses each of of being involved in a different conspiracy theory.
Deeper Layer: one of the accusations about conspiracy theory is true.
Paige is called as she finishes insulting her date. She’s called into work. Her date accuses her of lying – create a deeper layer he doesn’t something James/Jason would never do – insults her professionally, claims women can’t be real cops. She further insults the guy and her boss overhears.
INCITING INCIDENT: James refuses to testify unless Paige is his protection detail.
Paige meets James, but he’s really Jason. She refuses the assignment: she’s behavioral not WITSEC.
James doubles down not testifying. He’ll lose witness protection and his new fake identify if he won’t testify. Back and forth. The more back and forth the more hilarious the reasons he gives for walking away. He has reasons ONLY Paige can be lead his protection. Makes Paige laugh – maybe insults the other Marshals as being city people, you don’t get these guys! The case is against domestic terrorists. James/Jason spouts conspiracy theories every chance he gets.
Paige it told taking the assignment will help her get promoted, this guy’s nuts maybe she can use her psych background to fix his crazy. She remains very professional in her reasons to not take the assignment.
James starts to say something about where they grew up. Paige agrees to be part of his protection detail just to shut him up.
Deeper layer: Paige and James/Jason have past history
Turning point 1: Paige agrees and James stays on the witness list.
PJ: Paige gives in, professional.
AJ: James/Jason agrees to testify, for now
ACT 2
New Plan: Paige in charge of James/Jason’s protection.
Plan in action: Normal protection assignment. Paige moves James to a safe house.
PJ: Paige is by the book. She wants to follow procedure.
AJ: James/Jason thinks he knows best. He argues to ignore procedure, we need to be unpredictable.
Deeper Layer: they bicker constantly like people with a past. Use a sketch comedy format and hint at their past.
First night safe house: arguing. She stays in the outer room, James tries to sweet talk her into staying in his room. She pulls a gun on him. He comes back with some memory of shooting guns together. She tells him to shut up or she will shoot him.
Second night safe house: James comes onto Paige. She physically restrains him – he sort of likes it – make it funny – raise the stakes physically between them.
Reveal: The audience finds out they had some history, probably romantic. Still hiding it from other Marshals.
Next morning: moving James/Jason to a location nearer the trial location, they are shot at. Paige covers James with her body, he takes that as her still being into him.
Midpoint Turning Point: Their cover gets blown, an attempt on both of them. They go on the run.
ACT 3
Rethink everything: Paige has to admit his paranoia is reasonable because almost no one knew where they were.
Deeper layer: someone on the inside is setting them up.
New Plan: just her and James/Jason. Find a place to be safe, cut off from the Marshal service. Leave the current district, go to the district where she first started.
Purchase burner phones and flip phones. They buy a vehicle – James/Jason has some money stashed or cash he was given by the Marshals (he insisted on cash). Bicker at the used car lot about what to drive. He makes up some weird cover story.
Series of challenges getting to the ‘safe’ location –make these funny. She won’t stop for directions.
She uses gps spoofing to create fake locations which they can stake out trying to isolate who is setting them up. She probably calls into her boss or has her former boss cover for her. James helps with this process. He wants to be bait but she won’t let him.
Reveal: Paige & James were a couple. His conspiracy theory/paranoia almost got her fired from a police job – that’s when she left him and why she hates him now.
Twist: They sleep together, rekindling their relationship. No one at US Marshal can know about them. (need some compelling reason for this to happen)
Reveal: James wants to be with Paige. Paige isn’t over him nearly ruining her career.
Paige uses different phones to call and set information traps to identify who is blowing their cover.
ACT 4:
The information traps Paige set ups come to fruition.
PJ: Some of James weird theories are true.
AJ: Paige doesn’t want anything bad to happen to James
Deeper Layer: Paige & James resolve their relationship issues.
I need to figure out who it is, what’s the conspiracy, who is setting them up and it’s consistent with one of his conspiracy theories. This person serves the Villian role in the Thriller genre.
Face off: Final person to bait with a fake location – person we would never suspect. Paige sets up the villain. James defies Paige and sets himself up as the bait. When they figure out who it is, she profiles him to his face.
Paige has outed someone in the government who has been helping the domestic terrorists.
James wants to be with Paige. He corroborates everything that happened when they were on the run.
James testifies.
Ends: With the traitor in jail James/Jason gives up witness protection to be with Paige.
Some funny epilogue. Him keeping up with his weird behaviors to ensure they are safe – circling the block or? Needs to include Paige.
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Andrew Kelm’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.
What I learned doing this assignment is… how to flesh out an outline focusing on the needs of the character profile
FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.
Revised Beat Sheet
ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY
- Opening: Daphne gives Terry — her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother — a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
- Her next client, overlapping, comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
- Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe what she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
- Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
- Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away — if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
- Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks ignite between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
- Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
- Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
- Daphne and Terry go to the beach; Terry pushes her to reconsider romance with Roy instead of hanging out with him and his gay friends.
- Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He wants to take her out but she refuses. She makes clear that she knows who he is – his criminal ways – and she doesn’t trust him. He asks her what would make her change her mind and she answers that she wants to see him get a jobs as a salesman.
- Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise
- Roy comes back having followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. She confides in him how men have abused her in the past, and he commits to her that he will never allow that to happen again. He ends up spending the night
- Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
- Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.
ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE
- Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.
- Gilbert pays Roy a visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset — she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work so he can spend more time with his salesman career.
- Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not — he stands apart, sullen.
- Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive. Gilbert wants to pick up a hitchhiker and seduce him as is their routine, but Roy says he is through with that; he is now devoted to the family.
- They pick up a hitchhiker; Gilbert gives him a blowjob in the back seat while Roy sits in the front seat refusing to participate.
- While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing teenage boys.
- Daphne give Terry a reading. She gets the gossip on her mother. Terry grills her about doing a 180 from what she said she wanted earlier — independence. Daphne says the story isn’t over yet.
- Gilbert sees Terry leaving, and tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist — a life coach. He shifts gears and tells her he has a client for her.
- Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
- The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
- Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past. He is devoted to her and the family.
- Schizophrenic client kills himself.
- Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
- Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
- Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
- Daphne goes to a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
- Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
- Roy becomes top salesman applying Daphne’s teaching.
- Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
- At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.
- Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.
ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS
- Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
- Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
- In the evening, Roy and Daphne have sex but something is missing… Is he losing interest or is she? They discuss their commitment to each other, that is rests on a foundation of family more than sexual fidelity.
- Gilbert pays a visit
- Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. They pick up a young hitchhiker. This time Roy participates
- Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
- Detective comes back to ask more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
- When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.
- Roy makes a great sale at work.
- Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
- Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
- Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends. Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
- Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.
- Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.
ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY
- Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
- Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
- Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
- Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
- at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
- In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
- Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
- Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
- Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
- Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
- After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
- Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
- Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
- Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel — someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case — if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.
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CJ’s Character Action Traits!
Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas. I will be produced and hired to write projects that get produced.
WIL: Still have a hole or two to smooth out but really like the “look back” and “look forward” approach – very powerful!
Title: MEMORY HUNTERS
Concept:
In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.
ASSIGNMENT
Work with one character at a time, doing a complete pass on their beats.
Select your Protagonist and go through the process above to make sure every beat has action that comes from their Profile:
MYA ORTEGA – Protagonist who is a junior memory hunter and using the company to find away to hide her own memories.
A. The High Concept. The protagonist – Mya’s role in the high concept is she is the memory hunter who finds herself inadvertently in the mind of the psychopath after she asks too many questions. <div>
B. This character’s journey. Mya goes from trying to hide from her past as an abused victim of a psychopath to learning to move beyond her past and not let it define her.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Role in the Story: Protagonist who goes from looking for a way to hide her childhood memories of abuse to learning that someone is making deals with the criminals.</div><div>
Age range and Description: mid-twenties – LatinoCore Traits: Naïve, afraid, practices avoidance
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to find a way to hide or run from her own memories. Needs to find a way to move past them and not let them control her. Wound:
She is an only survivor from a psychopath and is haunted by the memories.
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: She’s kind to the subjects/patients coming in for a memory search
Relatability: We understand how she wants to run from her memories
· Empathy: She was abducted as a child by a psychopath and escaped
Deeper Character Profile
Character Subtext – Hiding something and withholding
Character Intrigue – hidden agenda (looking for a way to hide her own memories)
Flaw – Can’t look at their fears – undervalues themselves
Values – Family, loyalty, and truth
Character Dilemma – Pleases other versus independent / Wanting to be recognized versus just doing the right thing
Do the same with your Antagonist:
CATHERINE HARPIE – The antagonist – wants to stop Mya from uncovering her illegal activities
With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:
A. The High Concept. Catherine’s role as antagonist is she has Mya deliberately placed in the psychopath’s mind to hind her activities. </div><div>
B. This character’s journey. From being confident and in charge to being worried she will be found out.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Role in the Story: Antagonist as CEO of the company
Age range and Description: Late 40’s
Core Traits: Confidant, conniving, duplicitous, vulnerable
Motivation; Want/Need: She wants to stay at the top as CEO by collecting blackmail info and money but needs to stop Mya from finding out her secret.
Wound: The board of Directors want to replace her with a younger man
Likability, Relatability, Empathy:
Likability: She knows everyone by name and always has a ready smile </div><div>
Relatability: She’s trying to get ahead in a “Man’s world” – does well in the public eye
Empathy: She has a soft spot for animals
Deeper Character Profile:
Character Subtext – She’s deceitful and lying while being polite
Character Intrigue – hidden agenda as she gather’s secrets and money
Flaw – Over confidence and dominating
Values – Looks after old people and animals and doesn’t trust anyone else
Character Dilemma – wants to prove herself in a “Male dominated world” but feels unworthy
If there is a Triangle character, do the process with that character:
TERRY SULLIVAN
With each of your lead characters, first tell us the following:
A. The High Concept. Terry switches the machine to place Mya into Freddie’s mind instead of the embezzler.</div><div>
B. This character’s journey. – From being Catherine’s lacky and pretending to be Mya’s friend and mentor to trying to steal all the money / info from Catherine.
C. The Actor Attractors for this character.
Brainstorm the first 6 parts of the profile for each of your lead characters.
Role in the Story: Supporting role to Antagonist</div><div>
Age range and Description: late 30’s nerdy good looking
Core Traits: Friendly, helpful, conceited, controlling
Motivation; Want/Need: Wants to win at any cost and needs to control others and the situation.
Wound: He wants to head the project and believes he’s been wrongly passed overLikability, Relatability, Empathy:
Deeper Character traits:
Character Subtext – seduction and lying
Character Intrigue – conspiracies and secrets
Flaw – can’t take risks and cowardice
Values – Winning and being his best
Character Dilemma – Winner versus loser
Opening scene – Nightmare – Mya 8 yrs old – kidnapped – current favorite of the psycho while he tortures others – he makes her watch so she knows what will happen to her. Psycho BRANDS his victims.
PJ Beginning: Mya wakes from nightmare – headache / disoriented – fights with her sister and refuses to deal with her childhood trauma to the point she has a brain tumor. Her sister wants her to go to a specialist for treatment.
Mya tells her sister she will go doctors – she throws the phone number away before she meets Jason. Lies about why she looks so tired.
Mya meets with JASON friend on hover boards – he helps her focus and “knows” her – she turns to him for support on way to work
Mya works for Memory Retrieval company –
Surface Layer: Mya helps others recover lost memories to find family heirlooms, documents even some companies to help find where money has been “stashed” and acct numbers to retrieve the embezzled money.
Mya and Terry discuss techniques as Mya tries to learn the complexities of minds that know they are being ‘searched’ – more work to differentiate between REAL vs Fake – VS implanted phony memories – yes that is now a thing
Terry relates a story where a subject threw naked women at him – not know he was gay trying to hide his information. (Fun scene – but was originally going to have Terry be Catherine’s lover – maybe he is Bi- and this is how he fools Mya!)
Mya stays late to search files – when Terry comes in – she flips the screen. – NEED TO SOMETHING MORE – Mya breaks into locked room – files for gov’t officials to learn how they hide memories.
AJ Beginning: Catherine gives press conference in break through tech- She calls on Press officials by name – makes personal connections – announces new contract with FBI -during press conference she saves a dog from an abusive owner
PJ Inciting Incident: Mya finds anomalies in the system logs where criminals are being visited off hours
Deeper Layer: Mya is looking for a way to forget her childhood traumatic memories when she was abducted by psychopath and tortured – she eventually escaped but not before seeing those who died before her and heard their cries / pleas.
Terry explains that according to their records – FREDDY was abused and tortured by his sister.
Another Experienced MH (Memory hunter) comes out of the mind of the psychopath – he is shattered – sick… mind almost broken… SETS STAGE!
Mya “watches” some of the recording from the other MH – she has a flashback and a breakdown from her own memories.
Mya pulls more records and sees a pattern of unauthorized access.
AJ Inciting Incident: She overhears Mya confront her boss Frank Yorgen about the log anomalies – Catherine steps in and buries the reports
Catherine call Terry to her office – they discuss future opportunities…. In a way that only later provides more background. – COVER THEIR TRACKS
Mya meets with a family – She explains the process – the 3 rules of memory hunting – basics etc… The son is frustrated with his mother; she’s forgotten where the Will and Testament and family valuables are – he is rude and threatening to Mya – Mya backs down and avoids confrontation.
Influences Surface Story: Mya studies the logs and videos to learn how subjects have hidden their memories so she can learn how to “hide” her memories
PJ Turning Point 1: Mya keeps digging – a corp memo comes out indicating that there are unauthorized accesses to the system but the records are pointing to her access.
Mya goes into the old woman’s mind – see’s the son’s abuse of him mother
AJ Turning Point 1: Catherine moves Mya’s training up to more aggressive criminals / minds
Hints: Why Mya is scouring the logs – her conversations with Terry the Sr. on the team. Why would someone access a mind outside protocol? Terry drops hints to mislead Mya.Terry is working with Catherine – he drops hints about the logs and Frank- as a red herring
Act 2: Catherine decides to use her access to set Mya up as the one wrongfully using the system
Catherine makes a big deal in the press – she loves the attention and how sympathetic she is –
Hints: Why Mya is scouring the logs – her conversations with Terry the Sr. on the team.
PJ Act 2: Mya fights back by proving she wasn’t at work when her access was used – but it costs her – she was at the doctor’s for the brain tumor and that comes out
PJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mya is put in the mind of a psychopath – She runs / she hides – he taunts her – calls her his “sister’s name” – Mya tries to say her name… but realizes that he’s so insane… so she tries being his “sister” and tries to control his actions.
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Mya has Terry switch Mya from embezzler to Psychopath
PJ Act 3: Mya must face her fears from her childhood
Major Reveal: The psychopath is the one who kidnapped her as a child, and she is the only living survivor – he has made a deal to finally get the one who got away in return he eliminates the CEO’s problem.
Mya sees where psycho was tormented by his sister – driving him to seek vengeance on young girls who looked like his sister –
It is discovered that Mya is in the wrong mind.
Terry tries to pull Mya out of Freddie’s mind – he provides a KEY but Freddie is too close so Mya throws the key away to keep Freddie from escaping.
Mya confronts her own memories – She begins gathering memories from the other victims in Freddie’s mind – she gathers their memories – their pain… and her memories and pain –
Then she finds the one that is deeply hidden… where Freddie kills his sister to keep her from revealing his truth. – THIS IS HOW SHE FIGHTS BACK AND ESCAPES from Freddie’s mind.
At first Mya tries to make amends as “sister” but realizes that he was broken even as a child the sister was the one who saw it – he killed her for it – he continues to kill girls like her to stop her from telling on him
Using this plus her own experience – Mya pushes back and turns the psycho’s mind back on himself – all the inadequacies that his sister called out – back on him
PJ Turning Point 3: Mya fights back and destroys the mind of the psychopath
Changes Reality: When she comes face to face with the psychopath she initially spirals out of control and then learns she must face her memories and deal with them to be able to move past them.
Act 3: Catherine reports Mya as incompetent and Mya’s fault she went into the wrong mind after Mya survives – disoriented Mya is sent home on suspension pending review… Jason is there to help center her.
Jason helps Mya to break into the system
Hints – Mya is misled by Terry’s comments which points her to accuse FrankChange in Reality – Mya must face her childhood and use that to save herself
PJ Act 4 Climax: Mya confronts Frank Yorgen at a press conference – and is proven wrong.
PJ Turning Point 3: Catherine uses Mya’s accusation of Frank against her – fires Mya
AJ Act 4 Climax: Mya confronts Catherine – who thinks she’s gotten away with it
Mya remembers something from her own experience in Freddie’s mind – when she first took the reported anomalies into Frank – someone else was in the room – Catherine
Then there is a flashback to a memory she saw in Freddie’s mind – she thought it was the first MH but in talking with Terry she realizes it was Terry talking with Freddie and a deal was being struck.
PJ Resolution: Mya remembers a memory from psychopath’s mind and realizes that it was Terry and CEO – she sends Terry into destroyed mind of Psychopath and destroys CEO. (what does that mean- need to define)
AJ Resolution: Catherine is exposed to the media – destroying Catherine in the Media is key
</div>
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Gisele Frazeur’s Character Action Tracks
My vision: I am going to work diligently to become a brilliant, reliable screenwriter who is sought after, regularly produced, highly paid, and awarded. Artistic fulfillment and financial freedom will result from the achievement of this goal!
What I learned doing this assignment is: My character profile informs my character’s unique actions.
Title: On the Scent
Genre: Thriller
Act 1: Threats against Perfumer Darin August seemingly result in her pregnant sister’s murder.
Darin PJ1: Darin arrives at the FiFi awards with her sister Livie. They fight their way through Leff-T’s protestors to enter the ceremonial hall.
Darin PJ2: At the reception preceding the awards, Darin performs an emergency tracheotomy on a stranger who is choking to death.
Darin PJ3: Darin accepts her awards and gives a speech.
Darin PJ4: Following the awards ceremony Police inform Darin the chocking victim had eaten an appetizer laced with a human toe. They additionally inform her they believe she or her sister may have been the intended target.
Darin PJ5: Darin and Livie exit awards – – and are accosted by Leff-T’s protestors while getting to their car. Darin protects Livie by punching a protestor who blocks Livie’s access to their ride.
Deeper Layer: What is supposed to be a joyous evening for Darin has a cloud of doom hanging over it – – as she is placed in threatening situations at every turn. All signs point to Leff-T as a suspect.
Inciting Incident: Upon their return home – – Darin and Livie are shot at.
Turning Point 1: Livie is pronounced dead at the hospital.
Darin PJ6: Darin is questioned by police then informed of her sister’s death.
Hank AJ1: Hank arrives at the hospital and is informed of his wife’s death.
Act 2: Darin vows to avenge her pregnant sister’s murder – – slowly falling off the rails.
Darin PJ7: Darin’s mother accuses Darin of being responsible for Livie’s death at the funeral. Darin slaps her.
Hank AJ2: Hank plies Darin (a recovering alcoholic) with alcohol to calm her nerves and ease her stress.
Darin PJ8: Darin receives mail with a death threat and turns to alcohol for relief.
Hank AJ3: Hank forces a gun on Darin for protection.
Darin PJ9: Darin shows up at Leff-T’s mansion drunk – – brandishing a gun. She shoots out his surveillance cameras and shoots at his home – – demanding he meet her face-to-face to enact justice.
Darin PJ10: In a drunken blackout Darin is returned home safely by Leff-T.
Darin PJ11: A hungover Darin checks in with her boss and is put on leave for the bad press she is generating.
Deeper Layer: Hank, having encouraged Darin’s drinking knowing she is an alcoholic, is suspect. Additionally – – his forcing a gun on her for protection when she fears them since a childhood incident with one – – is also suspect.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Leff-T is cleared as a suspect / gives a televised interview apologizing to Darin for the boycott and requesting his followers stand down.
Hank AJ4: Hank is tasked with extorting more scientific information from Darin by the drug traffickers blackmailing him.
Hank AJ5: Hank seduces Darin after plying her with alcohol / successfully extorts another scientific idea to make his sniffer dog fail.
Darin PJ12: Darin’s AA sponsee, Dharma, reaches out to Darin about her drinking. Dharma works with dogs and points out Pookie’s odd behavior.
Darin PJ13: Darin has a pregnancy scare. Disgusted with herself for having slept with her dead sister’s husband, she vows to stop drinking and stay away from Hank.
Hank AJ6: Hank’s works another case wherein drugs are successfully smuggled as his new sniffer dogs fails to scent.
Deeper Layer: Pookie’s odd behavior hints at something being “off” with his handler (Hank). Hank sleeping with his dead wife’s sister is “off” somehow.
Act 3: Darin puts the pieces together.
Darin PJ14: Darin gets fully back on the wagon.
Darin PJ15: Darin enlists Dharma’s help to make sense of what Pookie has been trying to communicate.
Darin PJ16: Darin receives intel from Leff-T – – from his gang ties – – which casts suspicion on Hank.
Darin PJ17: Darin and Dharma begin doing scent experiments with Pookie.
Hank AJ7: Hank is told by the blackmailers to throw Darin off the scent, or they will kill her and expose him.
Hank AJ8: Hank has Dharma overdosed.
Turning Point 3: Dharma’s overdose.
Darin PJ18: Darin learns of Dharma’s overdose.
Darin PJ19: Darin pretends to be drinking, seduces Hank, leaking false scientific info to him.
Darin PJ20: Darin rummages through Hank’s things and finds a bloody right sock – – realizing he might be missing a toe.
Darin PJ21: Darin confers with one of Hank’s colleagues to access body camera footage of Pookie’s failed drug scent.
Darin PJ22: Darin tests Pookie’s nose – – discovering which compound is freaking the dog out.
Deeper Layer: Darin and Pookie are healing each other. They are solving the crime together. Solving the crime is strengthening Darin, her resolve, her sobriety, her purchase on life.
Act 4 Climax: The showdown.
Hank AJ9: Hanks’ sniffer dog successfully alerts to drugs being smuggled.
Hank AJ10: Hanks goes on the run.
Darin PJ23: Having put the pieces together – – Darin follows Hank then confronts him with the truth.
Hank AJ11: Hank confesses everything during a shoot-out with Darin, Leff-T, and Pookie.
Darin PJ24: Darin shoots Hank.
Deeper Layer: Darin realizes she is not responsible for Livie’s death. The healing can begin. She has kept her promise and avenged her sister’s death.
Resolution: Darin accepting FiFi award for “Dog Perfume” she made for Livie. Her husband, Leff-T, their baby daughter, Livie, and Pookie watch the ceremony.
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VISION FOR SUCCESS: I will deliver delicious, surprising, seemingly effortless work, that is constantly in demand and causes people to recommend me for original and rewrite projects without hesitation.WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS Purposeful action in the outline helps visualize the story in three dimension.
TITLE: Mitchwich
CONCEPT: On graduation day, a petulant cynic goes back in time to the first day of high school and changes the event that he thinks ruined his life and when he returns, he meets his worst nightmare – HIMSELF.
GENRE: TEEN BUDDY COMEDY
ACT 1:
OPENING:
PJ/AJ Mitch is bright eyed and excited for his first day of high school and his magic trick.
ACTIONS: Incredible magic trick. Trick with dog.
INCITING INCIDENT B STORY:
PJ 1 MITCH’s magic trick fails. Mitch has a panic attack and shits all over SOPHIE.
ACTIONS: Mitch and Sophie fall in love at first sight.
ACTIONS: Mitch tries to run away. Panic attack. Passes out.
PJ 2 It’s 4 years later and Mitch is caught in his old ways – Bullied by SIMON, Afraid to speak to Sophie, His one friend is ROBBIE who he treats badly.
ACTIONS: Runs away from Simon. Sneaks into teacher’s lounge to take a shit.
ACTIONS: Mitch hides from Sophie – overhears her… She’s artistically frustrated.
INCITING INCIDENT A STORY:
PJ 3 Mitch gets in the time machine he built and goes back in time to the first day of Freshman year to fix the trick and stop the poop.
ACTION: Mitch is a talented builder. Tester. Scientist. Mitch
SURFACE LAYER: Mitch goes back in time in order to stop the event that ruined high school and leave the new version of himself to live happily ever after.
DEEPER LAYER: Mitch needs to fix himself, not become someone else..
TURNING POINT:
PJ 4 AJ 3 Mitch meets New Mitch. They’re both the same and utterly different.
ACTION: Mitch and New Mitch do the mirror routine
ACTION: New Mitch flaunts his body. Does a magic trick.
ACTION: New Mitch reveals his tramp stamp.
ACT 2:
REACTION/NEW PLAN:
PJ 5 Mitch investigates the new present that he’s created.
ACTION: Mitch tries to do a trick with dog. Dog is confused.
ACTION: Spies on Dad in basement.
ACTION: Locks himself in New Mitch’s room to avoid the butterfly effect.
ACTION: New Mitch comes up through a trap door into his room.
ACTION: New Mitch does a magic trick.
– Mitch pretends to be Old Mitch’s cousin Mitch. Navigates the new future: His mom manages his social media. Stage mom. His dad lives alone in the garage working on the ‘algorithm’ that will change advertising, Sophie and New Mitch still aren’t dating. Robbie is gay and dating Simon. His dog doesn’t know how to do any tricks. Old Mitch is petrified of all of these changes. His new self. His new relationships.
AJ 4 New Mitch is driven crazy by Sophie as he puts on his magic show and mentors Mitch.
ACTION: New Mitch sets himself on fire to get Sophie’s attention.
PJ 6 Mitch helps New Mitch rehearse for his magic show. Sees that New Mitch is a true artist. Inspired/Jealous.
ACTION: Mitch tries to do simple management and fails.
PJ Mitch meets New Robbie who is dating New Simon. They’re completely in love with each other. And New Mitch treats them like the stage manager and producer that they are…
ACTION: Mitch throws a hissy fit when he finds out Simon and Robbie are dating.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT
PJ 7 During the spectacular magic show, New Mitch gives Mitch the opportunity to do the magic trick again. He does. Mitch and New Sophie fall in love at first sight.
ACTION: New Mitch does spectacular magic.
ACTION: Mitch does the OG trick and this time it works.
ACTION: New Sophie falls in love at first sight with Mitch.
ACTION: New Mitch flies off the handle, jealous of Mitch.
AJ 5 New Mitch sees New Sophie fall for Mitch like she fell for him on the first day of freshman year.
ACT 3:
RETHINK:
PJ Sophie tells Mitch what she wants in a man.
ACTION: Mitch kisses Sophie
PJ/AJ New Mitch has a 3way with Mitch to make Sophie jealous?
ACTION: The Mitches seduce Sophie and each other.
PJ Mitch doesn’t have his baggage anymore. He can be a new him. Mitch tells Sophie who he is and repairs her relationship with New Mitch.
ACTION: Mitch walks naked through the house. Makes New Mitch and Sophie breakfast in bed.
PJ Mitch realizes that he can have a chance to be a good friend to Robby. He can learn to have empathy for Simon. He can have a chance to woo Sophie. He can help his father. He can give his mom the love she needs. But he can’t save his dog.
ACTION: Mitch finally cries over the death of his dog.
ACTION: Mitch helps his father take down his Beautiful Mind room.
ACTION: Mitch hugs Simon. Deeply. Tightly.
NEW PLAN:
PJ Mitch fixes New Mitch and New Sophie.
AJ – New Mitch must value New Sophie above all else. New Sophie must recognize New Mitch’s genius.
ACTION: Mitch does a magic trick uniting New Sophie and New Mitch.
PJ/AJ New Mitch and Sophie prepare to say goodbye Mitch.
ACTION: Mitch fixes the time machine.
PJ Dog won’t snuggle with him.
TURNING POINT:
– Mitch was wrong about Time Travel. It’s not a closed loop. He’s created a multiverse. Mitch will have to live his whole future in the wrong timeline.
ACT 4
CLIMAX:
Mitch can have his old life back. He has to travel back in this universe to before he went back to… And then travel forward in time and he’ll end up with his whole life back.
ACTION: Mitch kisses Robbie.
AJ New Mitch and New Sophie must say goodbye to Mitch.
PJ Mitch has to fix the time machine. Go back. Leave to go back forward the moment he left.
RESOLUTION:
PJ Mitch is able to fix his relationships with his mom, dad, Robbie, Simon, his dog, and Sophie. Mix does the magic trick again for Sophie. She falls in love with him at first sight.
ACTION: Mitch hugs his mom and dad.
ACTION: Mitch spreads his dog’s ashes.
ACTION: MItch does the magic trick for Sophie – they fall in love at first sight again.
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Veronica Turowski’s Character Action Tracks!
What I learned from doing this assignment is I tried to think of the character actions as I was creating my outline. I had notes in my outline, so I didn’t get lost and/or to make sure things worked. My outline is getting stronger with each pass.
My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts a year and sells them to producers who are eager to make my vision a reality by bringing my scripts to completion so everyone can watch my movies on the big screen.
Concept: While at a funeral, a professional mourner is told by the deceased they were murdered, but when no one believes the mourner, she decides to find and stop the serial killer before he kills his next victim, only to discover she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.
Title: Justice from the Grave
Genre: Supernatural Thriller
ACT 1: Flashes of two men in a church sanctuary struggle with a knife. No faces are shown. One is stabbed in the chest. The other has his arm sliced open.
Hayden AJ 1: Hayden sneaks into Lonnie’s office. When he puts a knife against Lonnie’s neck, Lonnie hits Hayden in the head with a Bible. Hayden’s nose bleeds profusely. Hayden says at least he can’t smell that awful cologne anymore. Hayden says he was not going let him suffer, but since his DNA is all over, Lonnie’s going to be painful.
Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie says he thought Evren was telling stories about Hayden being like Captain Ahab the whale killer, not King Ahab the evil ruler who killed people. Or maybe Evren referenced his dad and Lonnie as Cain and Abel.
DEEPER LAYER: Hayden kills Lonnie because he found out he was a serial killer.
(Maybe Hayden was taken in by Lonnie’s family after the death of his parents?)
Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa turns and sees the news in the ER waiting room as she goes through the open doors to the ER rooms. The news says Hayden’s a hero for trying to save his minister, Lonnie, who was attacked. Eppsa rushes down the hall and finds a chart with Hayden’s name on it. The bed is empty.
INCITING INCIDENT: Eppsa sees Lonnie’s ghostly body. Hayden disposes of a body he has hidden in his ice cream truck while his son is with him.
Eppsa PJ 2: There’s a code blue. Eppsa jumps when the alarms sound. Doctors and nurses flood a room. She watches Lonnie exit the room. He looks at her like he’s confused and disappears. Eppsa panics and runs away.
DEEPER LAYER: Lonnie knows that Eppsa is a ghost, but Eppsa doesn’t know she’s dead.
Eppsa PJ 3: Dressed in all black, Eppsa goes to Lonnie’s funeral. She cries for Lonnie and his family. She sees Lonnie and is frightened. He pleads for her to come over. He waves his Bible. She reluctantly talks to him.
Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa he was a minister. He jokes that he was a good one, too. Since she can see him, he needs her help. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim.
Hayden AJ 2: Evren, Hayden’s young son, takes money from a customer. Hayden removes an ice cream bar and popsicle stored next to a dead body in the freezer of his ice cream truck. The ice cream is getting soft. The body made it too warm. The red popsicle drips across the floor. He hands the ice cream to the kids. He smiles as he licks the red popsicle oozing down his hand. He drives to a dilapidated area. Evren eats ice cream and plays a video game in the front seat while Hayden drags the body into an abandoned warehouse. The man has slits up his wrists. He wants to stop at the flower shop for his wife because they are late.
TURNING POINT 1: Eppsa discovers Lonnie gave her the correct name. Lonnie meets with the victim at the cemetery.
Eppsa PJ 4: In the obituary, Eppsa reads the name of the man Lonnie gave her. The man killed himself by slitting his wrists. She cries.
Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie meets with the ghost of the man in the freezer. Lonnie holds his Bible in one hand and wraps his other arm around the man. They disappear.
ACT 2: Eppsa contacts the police. Lonnie informs Eppsa that the cops should be looking for a serial killer. Hayden goes to the police station to give a composite sketch. Then, he kills another victim.
Eppsa PJ 5: Eppsa goes to the cemetery. She calls out for Lonnie. She says not to ignore her like everyone else seems to. Annoyed, she tells Lonnie the man killed himself. Stop playing games.
Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie says the name of the victim just came to him. Knowing things is part of the spirit world, but spirits don’t always know everything. Eppsa doesn’t believe him. He says someone should notify the police to investigate.
Hayden AJ 3: Hayden cleans out his ice cream truck. He gets a call from the police to come in and do a sketch. He rolls his eyes or chuckles at them.
Eppsa PJ 6: Eppsa calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She calls again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in. Lonnie, very faint, appears in Eppsa’s house. Startled, she jumps. She wants Lonnie to stay away.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: The cop only hears static on the phone because she’s a ghost.
Hayden AJ 4: Hayden describes a man for the cops’ sketch at the police station. Hayden retells his lie, stating when he chased the man away, when he was trying to kill Lonnie, the man slashed his arm.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him.
Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa is at the busy police station waiting to talk to someone. No one listens to her. She checks her watch. A cop, sitting at a desk, points in her direction and motions her over. (She passes by Hayden in a chair but doesn’t notice him because he’s not facing her and he’s wearing a hat.)
Hayden AJ 5: The cops want to give him an award for being a good Samaritan. He shivers and tells a cop it’s drafty in the station. He leaves.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: He feels the spirit of his mother.
Eppsa PJ 8: Eppsa hears a cop yell after Hayden for his good work. She turns away from the cop that “called” her over and rushes after Hayden. He’s gone. In the parking lot, she overhears cops saying these last few deaths were because they tried TikTok challenges.
Eppsa PJ 9: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to tell Lonnie he’s wrong. There isn’t a serial killer. The slew of deaths is from TikTok challenges. She questions his belief in God. He should want to go. She won’t hang around earth when she dies. Heaven is beautiful. Lonnie needs to stop holding on and pass over like a good spirit.
Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie gets mad that she thinks he’s lying. He tells her the name of the next victim and says there’s more to come. He vanishes.
Eppsa PJ 10: Eppsa turns to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is confused and wants to see if Clover can help Lonnie pass over. Clover and Eppsa have met on several occasions. Eppsa believes she is sitting at the table with Clover as a person. Clover tells Eppsa she won’t accept money because Eppsa is selfless and is always trying to help people. Clover knows Eppsa can’t pay because she’s a spirit.
Hayden AJ 6: Hayden goes camping with Neta and Evren. After fishing, Hayden makes Evren kill and clean the fish he caught. Hayden rationalizes killing to Evren.
Eppsa PJ 11: While Eppsa is looking at a map of Kestner’s in the area, a neighbor stops by to visit. They say it seems like years since they’ve seen each other (that’s because Eppsa died years ago). The neighbor had been on a trip. The neighbor died while in Nepal. The neighbor and Eppsa don’t know either of them are ghosts. The neighbor tells her about her trip to Mt. Everest. She had gotten altitude sickness while climbing. She said the rescue team thought she was going to die. She doesn’t remember the rescue team bringing her down or her trip home, but she’s fully recovered now.
Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie sees a little girl at a funeral. The little girl is alive and at her dad’s funeral. He knows Eppsa won’t listen to him, so he wants the little girl to pass a message on to Eppsa. He describes Eppsa, who is always dressed in a black pants outfit and carries a white rose. The next victim is a member of the church. Eppsa must find him now before he dies. Lonnie disappears.
Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa goes to the funeral of the man stored in Hayden’s ice cream truck. The little girl speaks to Eppsa. The girl tells Eppsa the name of another victim Lonnie gave her. Eppsa tells her they are dying because of TikTok videos, not a serial killer. The little girl pleads with Eppsa. Eppsa decides to prove Lonnie wrong. She rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer. Papers in the office move while she’s in there looking. She types on the computer. The name and address appear. A minister, Palmer McKee, enters. She apologizes for being where she’s not supposed to be. She goes to find the man.
Hayden AJ 7: Hayden argues with a man about their high school days while the man is on a chair with a rope tied around his neck. Hayden tips the chair. The guy dies. Hayden ducks back into the ice cream truck where Evren is waiting.
Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie tells the little girl it’s too late. He wishes he can stop the killer, but he isn’t strong enough. The mother calls her daughter back. Lonnie disappears, and the little girl walks off with her mom, hand in hand.
Eppsa PJ 13: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is locked. She looks in the window and sees the man dangling. The man’s wife enters the front door, walks into the kitchen, sees him, and screams. Eppsa runs.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Eppsa talks to a psychic. Hayden is looking for his next victim.
Hayden AJ 8: Hayden throws Evren (8) a birthday party. One of the kids, a year younger than Evren, is invited. The dad was Hayden’s friend from school and will be another victim near the end. Hayden is chummy with his old friend, but secretly he’s getting information to find him later to kill him.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden wanted to make sure Evren’s friend’s dad was actually one of his friends from school who had moved back to town.
Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa goes back to Clover to help Lonnie pass over. Clover channels Lonnie.
Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie talks to Clover while Eppsa is “visiting” Clover. Lonnie has low energy, and Clover can’t hear him very clearly. He tells them he wants to go but it’s impossible to go unless the killer is stopped. God knows he’s here and was told he will be a key in stopping the killer. It’s all in God’s time.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Clover can talk to Eppsa and Lonnie because she can channel them. Eppsa has a strong presence on earth because of unfinished business. Lonnie wants to move on and has a foot here and a foot on the other side.
Hayden AJ 9: Hayden and Evren go to the soup kitchen in the ice cream truck. They pass out food. Hayden inquires about his next victim, who hasn’t shown up to the soup kitchen in a while. The homeless man was hospitalized, but he will be released soon. They thank Hayden for being so thoughtful.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden’s searching for his next victim.
Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa hears a scream and a crash outside her house. She rushes outside. Her neighbor runs up the steps. She tried to move out of the way of the bicyclist, but when the bicyclist swerved, she fell into the street. She needs to call 911. The 911 operator can’t hear her on the phone. Her friend is shaken and rests on the couch. Eppsa rushes outside to help. There’s a swarm of people and a police siren in the distance. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young girl disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door. She tells her neighbor to rest because the bicyclist will be okay.
Hayden AJ 10: Hayden receives a Good Samaritan award at the police station.
ACT 3: Eppsa discovers Hayden was friends with all the victims and fears he is on the list. Hayden kills another person or two, and his son witnesses one of the killings. Lonnie helps Eppsa realize she’s a ghost.
Eppsa PJ 16: Eppsa attends the funeral of the man she saw hanging.
Lonnie PJ 9: Lonnie sees Eppsa at the funeral. Eppsa wants to be left alone. She can’t stop everyone from committing suicide. Lonnie tells her that all the victims graduated from the same high school. (They are all 29 and 30 when they died.) He knows it’s a serial killer. Eppsa is now worried Hayden’s life is in jeopardy.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa realizes they all went to school with Hayden. She must protect him from the serial killer.
Hayden AJ 11: Hayden takes Evren hunting. Evren shoots the rabbit. It’s only hurt. Hayden makes Evren kill the rabbit so it doesn’t suffer.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is grooming Evren.
Eppsa PJ 17: She talks to Clover trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. Clover senses a dark spirit around Hayden, but she can’t find him. Eppsa also wants to speak to her dead husband, thinking he might be able to help her. Clover can’t see into the darkness where his soul lingers.
Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie walks through the church. He tells the statue of Jesus he wants to go to the other side, but he knows he must stay to help Eppsa. He asks for guidance.
Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa’s neighbor comes over to talk. Eppsa tells her about Lonnie. Her neighbor says Lonnie is a confused spirit. Or he’s mad because he can’t pass over. She had read that somewhere.
Hayden AJ 12: Hayden brings Evren to the cemetery. Hayden tells Evren about his amazing grandfather, and Evren is just like him.
Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie sees Hayden and Evren. He recognizes Hayden. He rushes at him but can’t do anything. Hayden senses Lonnie’s spirit. He smells his cologne. Hayden laughs at Lonnie.
TURNING POINT 3: Eppsa is depressed she can’t find Hayden.
Eppsa PJ 19: Eppsa has a list of all the Kestner’s in the nearby towns. Each name, with the address and phone number, is crossed off, except one. She crosses the last one off. There’s a map with “X’s” on it throughout the cities surrounding her house.
Hayden AJ 13: Hayden kills another victim who is a homeless man that attends the soup kitchen.
Eppsa PJ 20: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman cry while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. Her grandson was born the same year as her son and died the year before their high school graduation. The woman wants to find the killer because she knows her grandson didn’t kill himself. Eppsa recognizes the picture of the kid on the headstone in his letterman jacket.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: This was Hayden’s first victim in high school. All the victims and Hayden were exceptional soccer players.
Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie sees Eppsa with the woman. When she’s finished with the woman, Eppsa goes over to Lonnie. He tells Eppsa that other victims are waiting to pass over. She needs to help them.
Hayden AJ 14: Hayden and his family play games at home.
Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa, depressed and worried, goes to the church to talk to the minister, Palmer McKee, about Lonnie. She wants to know how to get him to pass over. She thinks there must be something in the Bible to help him. She could suggest Lonnie’s a demon. She just wants to find her son. Palmer gives her advice.
Hayden AJ 15: A woman buys ice cream. She sees blood inside the truck. She says she’s an inspector for food trucks. He blames it on a melted red popsicle. She wants to get his information and inspect his truck. Evren walks up as Hayden kills the food truck inspector. Hayden explains it’s okay and that he will understand better when he’s an adult.
Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa is the only one who attends the homeless man’s funeral.
Lonnie PJ 13: Lonnie talks to Clover, who tells him he must tell Eppsa the truth.
ACT 4: Eppsa learns she’s a ghost and was murdered by her husband. She forces Hayden to kill himself.
Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa goes to the cemetery for answers.
Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie tells Eppsa that Hayden is the serial killer. She doesn’t believe it. Lonnie tells her Hayden has one more victim. She must kill Hayden. Lonnie tells her to go home where she will find all the answers to her questions. If she doesn’t do it, he will haunt her forever.
Hayden AJ 16: Hayden and his wife, Neta, have a fight. She discovered the truth when Evren said something to her. She fears Evren might become like him because he killed a squirrel and skinned it. Evren told her his dad said it’s okay to kill, just don’t let it suffer when you do it. Neta can’t continue to live a lie. She’s going to turn him in. Hayden says there’s no proof of anything. Besides, he won’t hesitate to kill Evren and her if she even thinks about going to the cops.
Eppsa PJ 24: Eppsa returns home. The house is dilapidated. There are old newspapers inside the doorway. One headline states she was killed in a murder-suicide. Now, she remembers. Infuriate, she calls Hayden on the phone and tells him to come home.
Hayden AJ 17: Hayden, in disbelief, goes to his old house. Eppsa reveals herself. Hayden explains why he killed his first victim and then had to kill pastor Palmer McKee. She’s sorry she didn’t see he had mental problems. His dad was giving her problems, and she didn’t have time to focus on him. She forces him to kill himself to stop the cycle. He says something about the cycle will never end.
Eppsa PJ 25: Eppsa goes to her gravesite and sees the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She mourns for herself and her son. She calls out to her neighbor, who is patiently waiting. Eppsa takes her neighbor to visit her new gravesite. Lonnie appears.
Lonnie PJ 15: Eppsa, Lonnie, and Eppsa’s neighbor pass on, along with the other victims, including the grandmother of the first victim, and pastor Palmer McKee who was Hayden’s second victim years ago.
Resolution: After Hayden dies and Eppsa and the rest of the victims pass over, Hayden’s wife and son are left. Evren will grow into a serial killer like his dad. Maybe he kills his mom.
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Claire’s Character Action Tracks
MY VISION:
I have a fabulous career as a screenwriter working in both TV and film, and I have tremendous creative, financial, and personal success. I specialize in female driven projects, and I am the go-to-girl for writing lesbian stories.
WHAT I LEARNED: Just take the next right action and trust it will all come together. It is a total mess right now, but this is what it looks like when everything is coming together.
HORROR SCRIPT
Act 1
AJ: In a hospital operating room, a large black woman in a hospital gown, frees herself from restraints and attacks a white female doctor. She strangles her. The doctor fights back. The patient grabs scissors from a table and stabs her to death. A nurse in the room screams.
Deeper Level: Reveals a scene from a TV series. They are at an abandoned mental hospital that is on an isolated island accessible only by a drawbridge.
PJ: Maeve, Sybil’s wife, in car talking on the phone with Sybil, who is angry that Maeve is still not there. Maeve is apologetic and timid. Promises to get there asap. The car in front of her gets a blow out and almost crashes. She swerves to get out of the way but then stops and goes back and see if the driver is okay.
PJ: Maeve The woman driver has a young child. Tire blew. Does not have road service. Couldn’t afford. Cries. Maeve changes the tire for her. The woman tells her not to go to the abandoned mental hospital. It is haunted. There was a murder suicide there in 1980.
Sybil, the director has an interview with an entertainment news show and reveals she is investigating the murder of a psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. The patient, a black woman, was portrayed as a vicious killer, but her family said she was a kind and gentle woman. Something at the hospital made her kill.
News reporter repeats that locals believe the abandoned hospital is haunted and may have caused a murder/suicide in 1980. She asks Sybil: Are you sure you want to stay? Sybil laughs and says she does not believe any of that.
PJ: Maeve arrives on the set. She seems a bit uncomfortable. Regina and Libby are happy to see her. Maeve is timid and deferential to Regina and Libby. Zora and Diana are thrilled to see her. Maeve is warm and affectionate with them, but still holds back.
She wants to kiss Sybil, but she immediately scolds her for being late. Maeve apologizes and tries to explain about the woman with car trouble, but Sybil is angry and won’t listen.
AJ: Maeve begins to feel uncomfortable. People ask her what is wrong. Sybil rolls her eyes. Maeve just wants attention. The discomfort grows until Maeve is overcome and faints. When she recovers, she says she is okay but clearly she is hiding something. Sybil tells her fainting is not a way out off teir argument.
AJ: Maeve continues to be uncomfortable. Strange things happen on the set. Animals act funny. No cell phone reception. No wifi. Power goes out. Maeve is afraid.
PJ: The dark energy overwhelms Maeve again. Diana encourages Maeve to say what’s really going on. Maeve tells Diana and Zora she senses a dark energy and wants to leave. Zora tells her to tell Sybil. She says Sybil won’t believe her and will only lead to a fight. Diana says tell her anyway. You have to stand up to her.
PJ: Maeve tells Sybil about the dark energy and suggests everyone leave. Sybil argues with her and mockingly tells people that Maeve is a psychic. Sybil dismisses Maeve and her concerns. Zora encourages Sybil to listen to Maeve.
Maeve goes into Diana’s trailer. Diana comforts her. Audrey comes in. She acts like she cares about Maeve but talks to her as if what she is experiencing is a sign of a mental or emotional problem.
Women return to their trailers.
Turning Point: Zora goes crazy and kills her wife, Diana.
Act 2:
PJ: Maeve believes the dark energy caused the death and suggests they all leave.
Sybil scoffs, says ridiculous, this is a mental/emotional issue. Audrey smiles. That was her idea.
PJ: Maeve gets Sybil alone and tries to get her to leave. Pleads with her. Tells her she has a very bad feeling about this. Sybil is recalcitrant. She accuses Maeve of using her pretend psychic abilities to prevent Sybil from getting her movie made. Maeve begs her. No. Maeve decides to leave herself.
PJ: Maeve, Libby and Regina get in Maeve’s car to leave. The drawbridge is up and is now inoperable because the power is out. Maeve tries to figure out how to operate it without power. She fails. She tries to see if they can get over the bridge with it still open. Regina and Libby stop her too dangerous, and suggest they go back.
Major Reveal: Maeve is hysterical at the thought of going back. Regina and Libby ask her why. Maeve tells them she was possessed as a child. Regina asks how she got free of it.
Flashback: A group of women surround young Maeve with loving energy. One of the women exorcises the spirit from Maeve.
Maeve, Regina and Libby go back.
AJ: Zora tries to kill herself. She seems possessed again. Maeve stops her and calms her down. Audrey gives her a sedative.
PJ: Maeve asks Sybil about the murder suicide in 1980. She says she doesn’t know or care because it has nothing to do with the 1954 murder or with what’s happening now. Maeve presses her and Sybil explodes.
Deep Level: Regina remembers what happened. A lesbian couple were investigating the murder of the psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. One of them went nuts and killed her lover and then committed suicide.
PJ: Maeve restates that there is a dark energy and perhaps it possessed that couple in 1980 and is possessed Zora. She suggests they have a séance. Sybil and Audrey dismiss her.
Midpoint Turning Point: Regina is possessed and murders her wife, Libby.
Act 3:
PJ: Maeve tells everyone that she believes the women were possessed and caused to kill their spouses. She thinks that’s what happened in 1980.
Audrey says there is something wrong with Maeve. She’s delusional. Sybil agrees and says Maeve wants attention.
Deep Reveal: Alison, Audrey’s wife, tells everyone that Audrey and Sybil are having and affair and that’s why Audrey is saying there is something wrong with Maeve.
Audrey and Alison fight.
PJ: Maeve confronts Sybil about their relationship. They fight and Maeve breaks up with Sybil. Sybil is indignant. You’re breaking up with me?
AJ: Audrey is possessed and kills her wife Alison. Maeve is unable to stop her. The only couple left is Maeve and Sybil. Will one of them get possessed and kill the other?
PJ: Maeve has a séance. She wants to reach the spirit of the patient who murdered her doctor. She believes she may be possessing the women and forcing them to kill.
AJ: Maeve has trouble reaching the patient/murderer. She feels the dark energy come between them.
PJ: Maeve sends loving energy to the spirit of the patient/murderer, and she comes through and tells Maeve the truth.
Flashback to what really happened. The evil psychiatrist is using electric shock therapy on her patient. The woman is screaming in pain. The doctor laughs and says horrible things to her about being queer. The nurse tries to stop it. The doctor pushes her away. The patient’s hair gives off smoke. The nurse sets her free. The patient stabs the doctor to death and then thanks the nurse for saving her.
[A doctor tortures a patient in a mental hospital with electrotherapy. The patient begs her to stop. The doctor just chuckles. She enjoys torturing her. The patient screams even louder. The attending nurse begs the doctor to stop. The doctor pushes her aside. The nurse turns the machine off and unstraps one of the patient’s hands and one leg. The doctor throws the nurse against a wall screaming at her. The patient frees her self with her free hand. She comes up behind the doctor and grabs her by the throat. She stabs her repeatedly while screaming.]
Deep Layer: The woman murdered her doctor because the doctor was “treating” her for being queer, but was really torturing her. She hates lesbians. And she, not the patient, has been possessing the women and forcing them to kill their own wives. It’s double horror for the women and double pleasure for her.
Turning Point:
AJ: Sybil is possessed and tries to kill Maeve.
Act 4:
PJ: Sybil goes completely nuts. Maeve fights her off and runs. But she realizes that she needs to exorcise the demon out of Sybil or Sybil will eventually kill her. She remembers her own exorcism. She connects with the patient who tells her to drop the fear. She drops the fear and exorcises the ghost out of Sybil. Amazing. She is awesome.
The power comes back on. They get WiFi signals. Their environment returns to being peaceful and normal. Maeve is triumphant.
AJ: The power goes off again. Maeve looks around, frightened. Who is being possessed now?
The ghost of the evil psychiatrist tries to possess Maeve. It shows itself. It is ugly and angry. Maeve struggles to prevent it from entering her. She asks the survivors to help her by sending her loving energy. She drops her fear and is in love and joy.
Climax
PJ: Maeve, Zora, Regina and Audrey surround Sybil with loving energy. Maeve exorcises the spirit from herself. It is gone.
Resolution:
The power comes back on.
Maeve gets the survivors together, Sybil, Zora, Regina and Audrey, and gets them off the island.
Sybil got her story
Sybil apologizes and asks Maeve to forgive her.
Maeve forgives her but does not want to get back together. She is no longer under Sybil’s thumb.
What are we going to tell the authorities? Don’t know.
[Sybil smiles. She is still possessed.]
THRILLER SCRIPT
Act 1:
PJ: A scene with Eve doing CIA agent stuff. Let’s see her escape from somewhere and also fight. [This scene introduces Eve and sets up that she is a badass.]
PJ: Eve and Debbie are at a diner on a date. They are clearly in love. Debbie asks Eve a question that she evades. Debbie notes she evaded the question. A waitress who obviously knows them makes a joke about how in love they are. Eve is kind to the waitress.
AJ: Someone is watching them. Who? Why?
PJ: Eve and Debbie are dancing together on the street. They seem delighted with each other. Debbie asks what are you not telling me? Eve evades her again.
AJ: Debbie’s ex-husband attacks Debbie. Eve fights him off and rescues Debbie.
Inciting Incident:
Debbie asks who are you that you can fight like that? Debbie and Eve fight because Eve is secretive. Debbie breaks up with Eve
PJ: At home, Eve sends Debbie texts and vms to reconcile. She apologizes for being secretive and promises to be more open. Difficult for her. She will explain when they get together. Her texts go unanswered.
AJ: Someone is watching Eve in her home from the street. Shoots a dart gun at her through the window.
PJ: Eve feels groggy and collapses.
AJ: Eve wakes, feel groggy and realizes she slept a long time. What happened?
PJ: Eve checks her phone. Debbie has not responded to her messages. Eve makes a call to say she’ll be late.
AJ: Eve notices texts she does not remember sending. What happened last night?
Deeper Level: Eve goes to her office. She is a CIA agent.
PJ: Eve tells her co-worker, Julie, that Debbie broke up with her. Julie is supportive. Eve tells her she thinks she was drugged. Julie tells her to get a blood test.
TP 1
AJ: While getting blood drawn, Eve sees a TV news report: Debbie’s been kidnapped.
Act 2:
AJ: At FBI headquarters, Patty, Debbie’s widowed mother, cries on TV, begging the kidnappers to release her daughter.
AJ: AJ: The lead FBI agent, Dirk Wilson, interviews Patty in the FBI office. She gives background on Debbie, 32, kindergarten teacher, good Christian, divorced, loves children. Patty seems fragile and helpless. She is overwhelmed with grief.
AJ: Debbie is in a small room. She wakes and is groggy. A man wearing a mask enters and tells her she is safe and everything will be fine.
PJ: Eve talks to Julie about Debbie’s kidnapping. Do you think it’s my fault? Could it be someone I investigated? Julie says that was in the past. This is different. Eve wants to go find Debbie herself. Julie suggests she work with the FBI. Eve says they are too slow and bound by red tape. Julie says you must go to them first. Eve agrees.
PJ: Eve goes to Debbie’s house, meets Agent Marra. She tells him she is a CIA agent, she and Debbie are lovers, and last night Debbie’s ex tried to abduct Debbie. He thanks her and says he will investigate the ex-husband. She wants to search Debbie’s house herself. He won’t allow it.
PJ: Eve puts on [crime scene coverup gear] and sneaks back into Debbie’s house and searches it. Can’t find pictures of herself and Debbie.
AJ: Agent Marra brings in Debbie’s ex for questioning. He does not have an alibi. He says he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Protecting?
PJ: Eve comes into the FBI office at their request. She thinks they have info on Debbie. Instead, she meets Agent Wilson who asks her to clear up some confusion. [while she is waiting she steals something to use later].
Deeper layer: Agent Wilson says Patty told them Debbie was dating a man. Eve says Debbie didn’t tell her mother about their relationship. She wouldn’t approve.
AJ: Agent Wilson tells Eve Debbie’s ex said he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Eve does not understand. Agent Wilson shows her a video of Patty’s interview:
Deeper Level: On the tape, Agent Wilson tells Patty that Eve said she and Debbie were lovers. Patty covers her mouth with her hand and through tears, says that is not true. Eve was stalking Debbie, but Debbie was not interested in a romantic relationship with Eve. She is not homosexual. She’s a normal woman.
TJ: Debbie is forced to watch heterosexual porn and throws up.
PJ: Eve is stunned and says Patty is lying. She can prove she and Debbie were involved. She looks through her phone but can’t find any pictures with her and Debbie. She does not understand what is happening.
AJ: Agent Wilson shows Eve text messages that Eve sent to Debbie last night. Some of these texts make it appear that Eve was stalking Debbie. Eve recognizes some texts but says she did not send others.
PJ: She says she has a witness, a co-worker. Wilson says she would lie for you. A waitress at a diner she and Debbie frequent.
AJ: The FBI take Eve to the waitress from previous evening. Waitress says she never saw Debbie and Eve together, but in the past, they were at the diner at the same time at separate tables. Eve is devastated. Asks her why are you doing this? Who told you to lie? Agent Wilson pushes her away, but she gets away from him and runs to waitress. They think I killed Debbie. You know I couldn’t hurt her. You know I loved her.
Agent Wilson pulls her away and she says I am being framed. Who is behind this? Find that person, they have Debbie. Why aren’t you looking for her? Marra says she is crazy.
Midpoint:
FBI arrest Eve for kidnapping Debbie
Act 3:
Deeper level: A man watches a TV report about Eve’s arrest. Who is he?
Eve’s co-worker, Julie, sees the same news report.
Debbie is shocked while being shown lesbian porn movies. The voltage increases and Debbie screams.
AJ: FBI interrogate Eve. Her GPS shows the previous night she drove to Debbie’s home and then to isolated woods. Did she kill Debbie and dump her body?
PJ: Eve freaks out. She did not kidnap or kill Debbie. She is a CIA agent. If she wanted to kidnap and kill someone, she’d know how to cover her tracks. Obviously, she’s been set up. You’re wasting time. Where is Debbie? Why aren’t you looking for her?
AJ: A man comes to the FBI and says he is Debbie’s boyfriend and she told him a woman was stalking her. He picks Eve out of a lineup.
PJ: Eve tells the agent that she believed she was drugged last night so she had a blood test at the CIA office. If she was drugged, she could not have kidnapped Debbie last night. Agent Wilson tells Agent Marra to investigate the blood test.
AJ: Agent Wilson enters the interview room where Patty sits and asks her why Debbie didn’t report the stalking. Patty cries and says oh my God, this is all my fault. Wilson asks her what she means. Patty says she urged Debbie not to report it because she believed Eve was sick and needed help. She encouraged Debbie to pray for Eve instead. She didn’t want her to go to jail. She cries, and says she thought she was doing the right thing. Wilson comforts her.
Major Reveal: The man who was watching news report of Eve’s arrest comes into the FBI office. He is Eve’s father. He is a famous psychiatrist who promotes using conversion therapy to “cure” queer people.
He tells Wilson and Marra, that when Eve was a teen he forced her into conversion therapy, but she ran away and joined the military. He believes she has mental and emotional problems, but he does not think she could have kidnapped Debbie. She was never violent toward women, but he might knows who kidnapped Debbie.
Major Reveal: Roger says there is a group that kidnaps queer people and puts them through forced conversion therapy. He thinks these people might have kidnapped Debbie. She fits the profile from an ultra-religious family. He thinks they should investigate this group. He gives them information on the group.
Debbie is shocked while being shown pictures of herself kissing Eve. The voltage increases and Debbie screams.
Major Reveal: Agent Wilson tells Roger five years ago a woman Eve was involved with was murdered. They never found the killer. Roger is stunned. He asks to see Eve.
Outside of the room with Eve’s father, Agent Wilson tells Marra to look into this group that forced conversion therapy on queer people. Marra says, you’re not serious. I know how you feel about women like her. Wilson says my feelings about women like her have nothing to do with this investigation. We will follow all leads.
PJ: Roger enters the interrogation room. Eve is stunned. She has not seen him in years. He asks her if she kidnapped and killed Debbie. She says no. She loves her and wants to get out of here to find her. He asks about the woman who was murdered five years ago. She is surprised and upset. She had nothing to do with her murder. She loved her. She thinks that people she was investigating in [Bosnia] killed her. He says the world is a dangerous place for women you love.
She is angry. She accuses him of still hating her for being gay and is happy to see her behind bars. She asks: Did you come here to finish what you started when she was 17?
No. He apologizes to her for the past. He still believes that homosexuality is a mental disorder and can be cured by therapy, but only if the person wants to be cured.
Is that why you came here? To tell me you still think I’m crazy.
He says know. I came to tell you I don’t think you kidnapped Debbie but I think I know who did.
TJ: Debbie is forced to watch porn again. This time is switches from heterosexual to lesbian. During heterosexual porn she is given soothing music and messages. During lesbian porn she is shocked.
PJ: Julie arrives and is met by Agent Marra. She has the results of a blood test that shows Eve was drugged last night and could not have kidnapped Debbie. Marra says the lab would lie for her. She shows him pictures of herself and Eve and Debbie. She could have photoshopped. Julie asks to see Wilson. Marra refuses. She storms out.
PJ: Eve is stunned. (Roger told her about the group that kidnaps queer people and forces conversion therapy on them). She asks why would they kidnap Debbie? Roger says the family usually asks that the person be kidnapped. Her family?
PJ: Eve tells Agent Wilson she wants to confront Patty. She thinks Patty is behind the kidnapping. Wilson says Patty is a sweet old Christian lady. Wilson gets a text from a CIA big shot with the results of Eve’s blood test. She was drugged. Eve says this proves she could not have kidnapped Debbie. He says you still could have done it. Eve asks again could they go to talk to Patty. He agrees but says she is still under arrest.
AJ: Eve talks sweetly to Patty, acting very nice, but tries to get her to admit she is lying. It does not work. Patty acts like she is a sweet victim. But at one point she looks Eve dead in the eye and Eve knows it is all an act. She accuses Patty of kidnapping Debbie and forcing her into heterosexual conversion. Wilson doesn’t believe Eve. Patty cries at the idea of kidnapping Debbie.
They drag Eve out of Patty’s house in handcuffs to take her back to jail.
Turning Point: As they are taking Eve back to jail, she escapes.
Act 4
AJ: Eve takes an FBI car and runs. FBI chase her. She gets away from them and steals another car.
She realizes someone is following her but not the FBI. She abandons a car and hides in plain sight. She runs into a group of trees. She rubs her arms and face with dirt she so is less conspicuous. She quickly climbs up into a tree and cannot be seen.
The people chasing her come out. One of them is agent Marra but the two others are not FBI men. They approach her tree and she can hear their conversation. One says we have to get back and move Debbie. The location is no longer safe. Eve realizes they are the kidnappers. Marra says let’s try to find Eve.
They split up and run deeper into the woods. As they look for her in the woods, she gets in their trunk and hides. They come back and drive away.
TJ: Debbie is distraught. A man chastises her for not accepting her treatment and taking the next step in her recovery. He shows her lingerie. She shakes in fear.
Agent Wilson: Julie arrives at FBI headquarters and shows Wilson that she got access to Eve’s iCloud storage and shows him pictures of Eve and Debbie. The kidnappers did not erase the pictures from her Back up on iCloud. He believes Eve is innocent.
PJ: Agent Marra and the two men stop at an old house in the woods and get out. When she can no longer hear them, she gets out and sneaks around the house. She sees Debbie in a window, crying. A man stands over her talking to her. HE moves close to her and she slaps him. He punches her face and knocks her down. Eve breaks into the window and fights him and wins.
Debbie is freaked out by the fight. At first when she sees Eve she is frightened from the shock treatments. Eve stays at a distance and talks calmly to her. She tells her we have to leave now before the other men come in.
The door opens and one of the non-FBI guys enters. He screams and attacks Eve. Debbie screams. Eve beats the guy up and knocks him out.
Eve tries to get Debbie to leave but she is too freaked out. Another guy comes in and pulls a gun on Eve. Debbie freaks out and distracts the guy and Eve disarms him and knocks him out. She turns to Debbie. Debbie smiles and says “You came for me.” Eve smiles and they hug and Eve helps her out the window.
They run toward the woods but Agent Marra stops them. Eve stands in front of Debbie. He has two guns. He will kill them both and say he found their bodies. Murder suicide by Eve.
Eve quickly slips behind Debbie and begs Marra not to kill her. She is a fellow officer. She won’t report him if he just kills Debbie.
Debbie is stunned. Marra laughs hysterically saying I thought you loved her. Eve slips out from behind Debbie with a pistol and shoots Marra and says, I do love Debbie.
Eve gives him first air and cuffs him. She takes his phone and calls Wilson.
Wilson arrives and Marra says she shot me. Wilson figures out Marra shot first and arrests Marra
PJ: Wilson takes Debbie and Eve to the hospital. Debbie is treated for shock and emotional distress. Eve is treated for her injuries.
Climax:
PJ: Patty arrives at the hospital and acts innocent and happy to see Debbie. Eve confronts Patty and tricks her into confessing. [HOW DOES SHE TRICK HER?]
Resolution:
Eve and Debbie share a hospital room. Eve asks Debbie to marry her.
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Ian Greenham’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.
Doing this assignment I learned a technique for injecting interesting action into a character’s role.
The idea behind the lesson is a good one, and is well-directed to ensure the injection into the script of as much engaging action as possible. Whilst trying to make sure every beat has action that comes from a character’s profile would be a tall order, I’ll work on it as I go forward.
[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 5: Character Action Tracks – July 22, 2022]
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ASSIGNMENT
Leona Heraty’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry and my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies, making audiences laugh a lot and making me independently wealthy!
What I learned from doing this assignment is…using to the protagonist’s and antagonist’s traits to create their action tracts keeps them in character and they come alive on the page!
Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.ACT 1: Tara takes a wrong turn!
1. Big Betty/The Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ1: The toxic green goo oozes onto her and her clan and they come alive!
2. Big Betty starts to grow and smiles like a Cheshire cat when her clan start to grow too.
3. Big Betty pulls out a nail file and starts to sharpen her nails and laughs. She picks up a hand mirror and admires herself in the mirror.
4. Big Betty HUMS then leads the clan in a HUM-A-LONG. ADD FUNNY SONG.
Deeper Layer: The green goo is dangerous because it brings termites back to life and makes them bigger!
5. Tara PJ 1: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she runs her car up on a curb, jumps out and climbs a tree. FUNNY SCENE
6. A cop and a few people nearby laugh at Tara. FUNNY SCENE
7. Tara gets a cell phone call from her Mom, reminding her that Max and Clare are at her house for the pool party.
8. Tara drives up to her house and parks, hearing laughter from her backyard.
9. Tara goes through the backyard gate, munching on Cheez-Its and sees her best friend, Clare, and Clare’s cousin, Max, at the pool with her Mom and Dad serving non-alcoholic cocktails.
10. Tara PJ 2: Tara is annoyed when Davy crashes Tara’s pool party with Clare and Max.
11. Davy does a canon ball into the pool, then makes a pest out of himself.
12. Davy demands better snacks and complains that there’s no peanut butter for his Hershey’s chocolate bar. Tara tells him to take it up with her Mom.
13. Tara’s Dad says they’ll be sure to pick up more peanut butter at Costco.
14. Davy redeems himself by fixing the spraying floating pool filter and the broken Tiki torches. They get the tiki torches lit up and the music playing. Note: In Act 4, Davy fixes broken croquet mallets by wrapping them with palm fronds from the outside pool.
15. It starts to rain and the group runs inside and plops on the couch.
16. Davy grabs the remote and switches to Prime and orders THEM!
17. Tara hides her face behind her a pink and purple magic unicorn pillow and is annoyed with Davy but Tara’s Mom laughs and brings in snacks.
18. Davy asks for FOOD to dip his Hershey’s bar in while Tara and Clare and Max look at him, appalled.
19. Tara shudders at the giant ants in THEM! and grabs the remote and switches to a Rom/Com.
20. Davy grabs the remote and switches it back to THEM!
21. Tara’s Dad reminds her that Davy is their guest.
22. Tara says it rhymes with pest as she makes a face at Davy.
23. Tara PJ 3: Tara’s Mom and Dad mention the Home Garden Tour in a few days and reminds her she’s a backup driver.
24. Tara’s Mom shows her a map for the tour. Each group goes to a different area, then switches the next day to tour a different group of home gardens.
25. Tara turns red and changes the subject.
Deeper Layer: Tara is embarrassed because she can’t read a map, so she changes the subject.
26. Davy says he might go on the tour with his grandmother. Tara’s Mom says she really likes Davy’s grandmother, Peg, and she’s going on the garden tour in two days.
27. Davy says his parents have abandoned him for the summer and Tara’s Mom says that can’t be true.
28. Clare reminds Tara that they’re going on a post-graduation trip to Disneyland on Wed, the same day as the garden tour.
29. Max says he’d like to ride the Pirates of the Caribbean with Tara and she blushes and Davy groan and Tara throws popcorn at him.
30. Wed morning at the garden club, Tad, Peg’s “gentleman friend” drives up in his beater car, and it’s clear he’s really hung over and has a splitting headache and he falls asleep in the back seat of his car.
31. Peg can’t drive because she has a cast on her leg from a broken ankle. All the cars are full up and leaving. Tara’s Mom is driving one car, and Tara’s Dad is driving another.
32. Tara is getting ready to leave for Disneyland when she gets the call from her Mom that they need her to drive Peg and Davy. She doesn’t want to do it but her Mom guilts her into driving.
INCITING INCIDENT: Tara’s parents coerce her into driving the tour group, despite her protests of not being able to read a map.
33. Tara shows up at the Garden Club, very perturbed to see Davy and Peg. Mom hugs her and gives her the map and says she’ll be fine. They’ll all meet back at the club at 6 pm for dinner.
34. Tara PJ 4: Tara has a slight cold and says she’s too sick to drive but Tara’s Mom takes her temperature and it’s normal, so she has to drive Davy and his grandmother, Meg, on the home garden tour.
34. Meg makes up a green spirulina shake for Tara to help her cold. Meg says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately…to drink! HUMOR. FORESHADOWING.
Notes: Whenever Meg has a sip of the green shake, she repeats a FUNNY PHRASE.
35. Davy drives Tara crazy with his constant bragging that he can fix anything.
36. Tara is so annoyed at Davy, she says it would be better if he’s not around.
37. Davy gets quiet and says his parents have abandoned him. Tara feels bad and says it’s OK.
38. Meg says Davy has an overactive imagination. FORESHADOWING.
34. TURNING POINT 1: On the drive, a storm starts, the map blows out of Tara’s hands and out the window and Tara’s cell phone goes dead. Peg doesn’t believe in cell phones so she doesn’t have one and Davy forgot his at home.
35. Tara makes a wrong turn and they end up at the abandoned Laguna Mountains Country club, built in 1925. SPEAKEASY REPUTATION.
ACT 2: Tara comes face-to-face with her greatest fear: giant bugs!
36. They pull up to the country club reception area, and get out of the car, Tara gets spooked and says she hears HUMMING, like bugs and something’s not right.
37. Tara jumps back in her car and tells Meg and Davy to get in. She tears around the circular driveway and runs over a big metal rake and pops a tire.
38. Tara jumps in the backseat and puts her magic unicorn pillow over her head.
39. Meg says they should go inside and see if there’s electricity, so Tara can charge her phone.
40. Meg coaxes Tara out of the backseat and coaxes her into the lobby/reception area and charge her phone, she’s a devout coward, and this place gives her the creeps.
41. Meg says once the phone is charged, they’ll call for help. They hear loud HUMMING near them.
42. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ2: In the tunnel under the dining room, Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are now 8 feet tall.
43. Big Betty is SINGING A FUNNY SONG.
44. She sniffs the air and says she smells brunch! She puts on a big and to HUMS loudly and the other Termo-Lytes join in!
45. Big Betty pledges her love to her Termo-Lyte Clan. As the Queen, she will lead the charge so they thrive and survive.
46. Tara PJ 5: Tara says this place gives her the creeps and she tries to run out the door.
47. Meg stops Tara and says they need to seek shelter or Tara’s cold could turn into pneumonia. Tara starts to sneeze.
48. Tara PJ 6: Tara is amazed when Meg seems to know her way around the country club. FORESHADOWING. Meg says she’s been in so many country clubs in her day, they’re all alike.
49. Davy rustles in his backpack and pulls out a Baby Ruth and gobbles it down.
50. Tara pulls out a box of Cheez-Its from her backpack and shares them with Davy, but Meg says it’s junk food and politely declines the snacks.
51. In the tunnel under the lobby, Big Betty and her Termo-Lytes are MUNCHING LOUDLY on FOOD left over…provisions and HUMMING.
52. Tara and Davy get scared when they hear LOUD MUNCHING and HUMMING sounds.
53. They try to run out but Meg stops them and says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees against the building. Meg reminds them they need to find a working outlet to charge Tara’s phone and call for help.
54. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ3: Big Betty and her clan are in a tunnel, planning a feast.
55. Big Betty is picking pots and pans out of boxes and off of shelves and throws them at the Termo-Lytes to catch. She smiles sweetly, then has an evil grin and LAUGHS.
56. Tara and the group are in the lobby, directly over Big Betty and her clan and they hear odd sounds that sound like a LAUGH.
57. Tara argues with Meg and says they need to get out of there and Davy says he agrees with Tara. Meg says it’s just the wind blowing the palm trees outside and not to worry and that old buildings always have strange sounds.
58. Big Betty hears Tara and the group arguing and shushes the Termo-Lytes. They get quiet.
59. Big Betty grins widely, and smothers a LAUGH as green goo slips off of her body and onto the floor.
60. Big Betty dips her long fingernail in the green goo and writes BRUNCH in giant letters on the wall and draws an arrow pointing upward.
61. The Termo-Lytes smile and nod yes and put their bibs on!
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and the group for brunch!
62. Tara leans against a secret panel by the fireplace, then falls onto a hidden staircase and rolls down it into the tunnel and screams. Meg and Davy follow her down the staircase and into the tunnel.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Tara PJ 7: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes! Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles.
63. Big Betty leans over Tara and smacks her lips and smiles and says, “Oh goody, brunch is served!”
ACT 3: Tara and the group must fight for their lives to stay alive!
Note: Add chase scenes through the tunnels, Tara hides in a speakeasy bar in a secret room off of the kitchen. Tara gets chased to a speakeasy cave filled with booze. She grabs a couple bottles of booze and stuffs them in her backpack. She uses Meg’s lighter to make a Molotov cocktails to distract Big Betty. Tara tells Meg to hide in the caddy shack while she and Dave sneak out to the croquet lawn and he grabs the broken mallets and some palm fronds from the outdoor pool
64. Tara tries to run but Big Betty’s big arms block her way.
65. Big Betty introduces herself and her happy clan, the newly revived Termo-Lytes, who started out 3,000 years. Ago. She invites them to stay for brunch and LAUGHS.
66. Tara PJ 8: Tara sees BRUNCH and the arrow scrawled on the all and is petrified and can’t speak.
67. As Meg gets nervous and lights up a cigarette and she and Davy cower as the Termo-Lytes surround them, Tara snaps out of her fear and says they’re going to be lunch if they don’t get out of there fast!
68. Big Betty frowns and grabs the cigarette out of Meg’s hand and points to a NO SMOKING sign down the hall and LAUGHS. She says, “don’t you know smoking is bad for your health?”
69. While Big Betty is distracted by laughing at her own joke, Tara grabs Meg’s crutches and hits Big Betty on one of her giant painted red toenails, pissing off the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.
70. Davy says they need to run for their lives and Big Betty picks him up and examines him then puts him down. She says he’s a little chubby and will make an excellent desert for their Summer Solstice feast.
71. Davy tries to be brave and charm Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes by offering to fix the broken door above them.
72. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ4: Big Betty turns on the charm, turning beautiful colors as she welcomes them to her humble home.
73. Tara is dazzled by Big Betty’s lovely colors and falls under her spell for a moment, and tells Davy and Meg that maybe Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes just want to be friends, and they mean no harm, and they’ve invited them to their Summer Solstice brunch so they must be nice after all.
74. Davy says he might be a pest but he knows a predator when he sees one. He tells Tara to snap out of it and he pulls her hair and snaps her out of her trance.
75. The Termo-Lytes look hungry and advance on them, holding forks and knives and bibs on.
76. Big Betty holds her clan back and says they act like children and not to worry, they’re herbivores anyway and gives them a Cheshire Cat grin.
77. Tara PJ 9: Tara tries to run away but the bottom of the stairs is blocked by Big Betty.
78. Big Betty insists that Tara and her friends stay for their Summer Solstice Feast. They will be her guests of honor! It’s at the big outdoor pool and patio nearby.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty won’t let Tara and the group leave. They’re trapped!
79. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ5: Big Betty reassures the group and talks about the “feast” of the Summer Solstice and how they’ll have all kinds of “yummy treats.” The Summer Solstice happens in one hour, at 12 pm, when the sun strikes the top line on the tiki totem by the pool80. Big Betty talks about “future plans” and “goals” to “make things better around here for her clan. They need more food to have baby Termo-Lytes and help them grow up to 8 feet.
81. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ6: Meg’s water bottle filled with her green spirulina shake rolls out of her purse.
82. Big Betty snatches it up. She admires it then open takes a swig and says green is her new “fave” color!
83. Big Betty grows one foot taller and turns dark red and orange flashing colors. Her eyes flash red. Big Betty gets mean and scary.
84. Big Betty pours the rest of the green shake on the floor and tells the clan to have some.
85. The Termo-Lytes lap up the green goo and grow one foot taller too.
86. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes advance on Tara and Davy and Meg.
87. Big Betty starts to HUM loudly and the Termo-Lytes join her in a Hum-a-long. Note: Add a funny SONG.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty was lying! She and the Termo-Lytes are carnivores and they plan to eat Tara and her group for brunch!
88. Tara PJ 10: Davy starts munching on a Baby Ruth and offers Big Betty one.
89. Big Betty snatches it out of Davy’s hand and gobbles it down. She tells Davy too many sweets with rot his teeth. She smiles sweetly as her sharp pointed teeth glisten.
90. Big Betty advances on Davy and tries to snatch him up. She LAUGHS and says she lied, she is an omnivore after all.
91. Tara grabs Davy’s stash of candy bars out of his backpack and hurls them towards the other end of the tunnel.
92. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ7: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes chase after the candy bars.
93. Tara PJ 11: Tara dashes for the stairs and motions for Meg and Davy to follow her.
94. Tara and the group run up the stairs and slam the door behind them as Big Betty and the Termo—Lytes almost catch them but are too big to fit through the secret door at the top of the stairs.
95. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ8: Big Betty tells the Termo-Lytes to follow her as she lumbers down the tunnel.
96. Big Betty yells, “The feast must go on! Summer Solstice is just around the corner! Those humanoids will be our main course!”
97. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes exit the building and run towards a large outdoor pool with a patio area. The pool filled with palm fronds and flowers from nearby trees.
98. Big Betty motions to a sign that says Big Betty’s Summer Solstice Wing-Ding! There’s a big pot that’s boiling soup over a pile of wood. The pot gives off steam and Big Betty pulls out a giant ladle and tastes the liquid and says it needs more flavor, and humanoids will give it just the kick it needs.
99. Tara PJ 12: Tara and Davy helps Meg on her crutches as they slowly make their way a hallway off the lobby.
100. Meg sees a sign that says KITCHEN and they hide in the large industrial kitchen.
100. Tara gets her courage up and finds a light switch and it lights up the room. She searches for weapons on the shelves that are stocked with giant cans of food. She pulls a giant can of olive oil off the shelf and the shelf swings open and reveals a secret room behind the kitchen.
100. Tara, Davy and Meg go into the secret room and it has a vintage bar and bottles of booze and a roulette table. At the bar is a makeshift lab, where there are all sorts of sizes of bottles and jars and a jar labeled SPIRULINA. It looks like Dr. Frankenstein’s laboratory and somebody has been experimenting with different herbs and spirulina.
101. Meg says this must be an old speakeasy bar, from the 1920s, when the country club was built. pulls then end up in a secret speak easy bar behind the kitchen, where the green goo mixture and Meg’s secret lab is located.
102. Davy says the jar of SPIRULINA looks like the same stuff that Meg made Tara’s cold recovery shake out of and Meg turns red and changes the subject, but Tara said maybe that’s what’s making Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes get bigger and meaner.
103. Meg turns red, lights up a cigarette and her hand shakes as she dismisses the idea and says it must be some toxic pesticide that’s making Big Betty and her clan so big and she says they should look for a good outlet to charge Tara’s phone.
104. Davy smells chocolate and wanders away without Tara and Meg noticing. He walks down the hallway and follows his nose to a sign that says POOL THIS WAY.
105. Near the pool, Big Betty appears and points towards a vending machine that has Butterfingers and Baby Ruth’s.
106. Davy walks to the vending machine and Big Betty sneaks up behind hi and snatches him as he SCREAMS FOR HELP! ALL IS LOST!
107. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Big Betty drops Davy into the pool full of palm fronds and flowers where she says he’ll be safe until the Summer Solstice brunch in 30 minutes.
ACT 4: Tara saves Davy and they kill Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes!Note: Add a scene where Meg and Tara get in a golf cart and Tara pushes her down a hill, where she runs over Big Betty’s toes and Big Betty runs after them and trips on something and gets stopped by a tennis court net. Add scene where Davy and Meg and are chased by Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to through a winding tunnel, where Tara freezes up and then end up at a cave built into the mountain, which is Big Betty’s boudoir, or her bedroom. Big Betty reveals she and her Termo-Lytes were the bugs crawling on Tara’s leg when she was 5 years old when she got lost at the Halloween corn maze and she taunts Tara that she was a coward then and she’s still a coward. Tara gets mad and YELLS back at Big Betty and decides to fight with all her might.
108. Tara and Meg hear Davy’s SCREAMS and she grabs some cloth napkins, opens some bottles of booze and grabs Meg’s lighter out of her hands and says come on, we need to rescue Davy.
109. Tara uses the bottles of scotch and Meg’s lighter to make Molotov cocktails, which she hurls at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes, pissing them off even more.
110. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes prepare for their summer solstice feast at a covered patio next to outdoor pool.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes will be celebrating their return to the living!
111. Tara PJ 12: Tara sneaks outside and grabs some croquet balls in a grassy area near the pool.
112. Tara hurls some of the balls them at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes to get their attention.
113. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ10: Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes run away to catch the croquet balls.
114. Tara PJ 13: Tara rescues Davy from the pool WITH WHAT?
115. Tara and Davy run back to the speakeasy lab where Meg is mixing potions.
116. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ9: Meg breaks down and tells Tara that she owns the country club and the story behind the green goo.
Tara PJ 14: Meg reveals she owns the abandoned country club.
117. Meg says was making a green substance to create an eco-friendly way to kills termites but the spirulina makes them grow!
118. Tara PJ 15: Tara notices that turned over bottle of Turmeric fell on a plant and it’s dying fast.
119. Meg says they can dip the croquet balls in olive oil and sprinkle them with Turmeric. It might kill the Termo-Lytes.
120. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ11: Big Betty is on the patio area near the pool, where she leads them in a SING-A-LONG. A clock shows 11:55 a.m. It’s five minutes until the Summer Solstice.
121. The Termo-Lytes follow Big Betty’s orders and quickly set up the tables and decorations for the Summer Solstice Feast.
122. Big Betty motions to that the big soup pot is boiling over and ready. She just needs to search for the humanoids to flavor the pot, who can’t be far away. It’s almost 12 pm – the exact hour when the sun cover the half-way Summer Solstice mark on the tall totem by the pool.
123. Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes dance around the totem and sign a FUNNY BUG SONG.
124. Big Betty looks at her watch and announces it 12 pm, the Summer Solstice.
125. sun casts a shadow mark on the totem where it says SUMMER SOLTICE.
126. Big Betty says welcome Summer Solstice! The Termo-Lytes go crazy in a frenetic dance!
127. Tara PJ 16: Tara and the rush out outside and hurl the croquet balls dipped in olive oil and turmeric at the Termo-Lytes.
128. The Termo-Lytes gobble up the poisoned croquet balls and die one by one, except for Betty, who is too smart to eat the balls.
129. Big Betty is enraged and turns red and orange and advances on them, nails out and teeth gleaming.
Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ12: Big Betty pops a poisoned croquet ball into her mouth, but doesn’t swallow it.
130. Big Betty falls on the ground and rolls around and fakes like she’s dying to get their sympathy.
131. Tara falls for Big Betty’s crying routine and starts to pat her foot to comfort her.
132. Big Betty grabs Tara and threatens to eat her!
133. Big Betty spits out the poisoned croquet ball sits up and LAUGHS.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Big Betty is the source of Tara’s childhood fear of bugs and lack of a sense of direction!
134. Big Betty/Queen of the Termo-Lytes AJ13: Big Betty tells Tara she was one of the termites who chewed on her feet and legs when she was a kid and got lost in the Halloween corn maze.
135. Big Betty mocks Tara and says she’s an “easy prey” and will be fun to eat!
136. Big Betty reminds Tara that she’s too afraid of bugs to ever fight back against her.
137, Big Betty blames Tara for “putting the kibosh” on the Termo-Lytes comeback ten years ago at the corn maze, because the farmer sprayed them with pesticides the next day.
138. Big Betty blames the Sumerians for developing their crude pesticides 4,500 years ago and “putting the Termo-Lytes out of business!
139. Big Betty stands up, scoops up Tara and opens her mouth to eat her.
140. Tara shrinks back and freezes, then Davy yells at her to not give up.
CLIMAX
141. Tara snaps out of it and grabs the last of the Turmeric balls out of her pocket and hurls it into Big Betty’s nostril.
142. Big Betty breaths in the poisoned croquet ball and dies instantly!
Tara PJ 17: Resolution: The group has survived the attack of the Termo-Lytes!
143. Tara and the group run away and sit on the fountain by the main entrance, wondering what to do next.
144. A bug lands on Tara’s shoe and she just laughs. Tara is no longer afraid of bugs!
RESOLUTION
145. The sun clears the clouds away as Tad drives up and is surprised to see them. He took a wrong turn following the map, and it turns out the map was wrong!146. One month later: Inside the speakeasy lab: a rat knocks another jar of green goo on the floor.
147. The jar breaks and the green goo seeps toward a hole in a baseboard, where termites eat away on the wood…the goo starts to cover them and they start to come alive.
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Tom’s Character Action Tracks!
When I discuss projects with producers, I quickly suggest excellent solutions.
Doing this assignment, l learned it’s exciting to see how quickly I can move through the beats.
My Beat Sheet:
Title: A BETTER DAY
Genre: Drama – Thriller
Concept: A scientist battles a pharma CEO to save a town from alien drugs that enslave them.
ACT 1: Taliban ambush Navy Seals Protag John and Mel who is wounded.
John saves his life. When John carries Mel to a field hospital. He’s amazed when Mel spouts an unknown language. Behaves violently.
A surgeon operates. Finds a mysterious med-dispensing pod in Mel’s body.
John accompanies Mel home to their small town in Idaho.
Mel’s father Antag Phil, BioPlus pharma CEO cares for him in the company’s private medical facility.
Phil forbids John to visit him.
John discovers Phil implanted the pod in his son’s body to learn how alien drugs affect him.
John who’s a chemical engineer goes to work for BioPlus, where flamboyant Phil is CEO.
John develops products the pharma can manufacture from unearthly seeds Phil found.
John’s dad Stan heads production. He’s Phil’s right hand man.
Rosen is a troublesome foreman who supervisors the pharma’s workers.
Abe, who has an encyclopedic knowledge of the strange seeds, is a valued assistant to Phil. John reunites with his sweetheart Susan, who is her father the Sheriff’s deputy.
Inciting Incident One day after work, John is surprised to find Mel asleep in the backseat of his car. When he wakes him up, Mel becomes dangerously violent.
John calms him down. Mel says he escaped. Says Phil wants to find the mix that made Mel violent so he can feed it to the towns people so they can fight the coming invasion of ETs who sent the container.
John calls the sheriff to report this. Phil persuades John to hang up and explain.
Flashback Phil grows up poor who grew food so his family could eat beside their trailer.
Atop a mountain he finds a strange box floating in the lake. Inside are hermetically sealed ET seeds.
A machine downloads a hologram of Abe, a humanoid figure who resembles Phil.
Phil intros new employee Abe to Phil and Mel. He doesn’t speak but sketches to communicate.
Lead worker Rosen doesn’t trust Abe. He’s jealous. Fears he’ll lose his position to this newcomer.
Turning Point 1 Towns people behave weird. Rosen blames Abe and fights with him. He threatens to unionize the workers.
Act 2 New Plan John insists Phil let him examine the seeds the products are made from.
John insists they must remove the pod from everyone who has one. Everyone’s system is flushed.
Plan in Action People continue to act weirdly, Rosen blames Abe. Abe blames Rosen.
John locks himself in the control room. Sends a command to dump all pod contents. Cold turkey.
Everyone goes crazy. Starts fighting among themselves.
Midpoint Turning Point Total failure. Towns people lay siege to BioPlus. End is nigh.
Act 3 Rethink Everything John and Mel hike to the lake and find seeds that have begun to sprout.
New Plan The grind them up. Distribute the blend among the town leaders who respond favorably.
Everyone consumes the new batch.
Turning Point Huge Failure / Major Shift Everyone reacts poorly. John discovers Rosen sabotaged the batch.
Overnight John mixes up a clean batch.
Nobody wants to take it. John accuses Rosen of sabotage. He denies it. John offers him some of the sabotaged batch.
Rosen refuses to swallow it. The sheriff arrests him.Everyone takes the new batch. It saves the day.
Act 4 Climax / Ultimate expression of the conflict Rosen and Phil attack John and Mel.
John and Mel battle Phil and Rosen.
At the last minute, Abe mortally wounds Phil. He saves John and Mel.
Phil sucker punches Abe. Abe and Phil go at it. Finally, Abe mortally wounds Phil. John, his parents, sheriff and Susan and Abe gather around for Phil’s death bed scene. Not a dry eye in the house.
John, Mel, Abe and employees carry Phil’s litter up to the mountain lake.
Abe fashions a raft out of logs. Sets an altar with Phil’s body on top. Sets it on fire. Shoves it out toward the middle of the lake. Follows and jumps into the flames.
As the sun goes down, everyone says a prayer as the funeral pyre glides across the lake.
Resolution All pods are removed from the towns people. John and Susan are married. John and Mel start manufacturing genuinely good dietary products.
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Amechi’s Character Action Tracks!
MY VISION
I am going to be a top 1% action/comedy writer in the industry who writes major action films.What I learned doing this assignment is filling my script with character actions before doing any dialogue will create a stronger character that will show up in unique ways.
UPDATED OUTLINE
Beginning: Rhapsody in regular clothes, beats up a group of thugs who attack her and leaves them where they can be seen, then sits in an apartment that is decorated like a shrine to the superhero Black Star.
Beginning: Kanaan helps with a self-defense class but can’t defend himself or other people.
Surface Layer: Kanaan is an awkward, afraid, and poor loner, who cleans toilets at a gym, doesn’t get paid, and can’t get a ride home that night.
Beginning: Rhapsody is Black Star’s loyal sidekick and protects him while they fight crime and protect the city. She goes too far in a fight and he has to stop her killing someone. After a heated argument about how to be a hero, he sends her home.
Kanaan is followed down the street by a cop car. He doesn’t look at it. It speeds away. (His mother was spying on him.)
Inciting Incident: Kanaan is afraid of the city, a victim, oppressed. He is attacked while on his way home. Black Star is injured saving Kanaan and Kanaan saves his life.
Black Star allows Kanaan to help him get home. Kanaan rides in Black Star’s car as it automatically drives them home.
Kanaan meets Mars, Black Star’s helper and assistant and they carry him inside to give him treatment.
Kanaan is scared about what Black Star’s death could and wants to flee.
Rhapsody sees Kanaan in their home and attacks him to get the truth about what happened to Black Star. Kanaan tells her that he saved Black Star’s life and about the weapon and can identify the tattoos of the man who had it.
Rhapsody blames herself for not being there for Black Star and he agrees. Then she blames him for sending her home against her will. Rhapsody is concerned about presenting as a hero but she is deathly afraid of losing her status as Black Star’s sidekick.
Kanaan questions Mars as Mars walks him out. Mars pretends sincerity and concern. He also cuts people and himself down with witty and degrading remarks. He wishes he could be heroic, but is only a teacher now at his advanced age.
Turning Point 1: Kanaan asks if he can help Black Star as a reward for saving his life, and Black Star says Kanaan has earned Black Star’s trust and is allowed to be part of the investigation despite Rhapsody’s objection.
Turning Point 1: Rhapsody corners Kanaan in Black Star’s lair, turns out the lights on him, and asks him what he’s doing there. She realizes that Kanaan is a threat to her relationship with Black Star. He says he is just there to help them.
Act 2: Kanaan works with Black Star to investigate the mayor and tries to make friends with Rhapsody who resists and tries to push him out.
Kanaan leads Rhapsody back to where Black Star was injured and get into a fight with the same guys who are still in the area.
Rhapsody and Kanaan catch the guy who shot Black Star, after Rhapsody uses Kanaan as bait. After he calls Black Star weak, Rhapsody violently kills him. Kanaan lets another guy go against her command. Rhapsody didn’t want any witnesses and is angry with him. Rhapsody brings one of the weapons home and steals the guy’s phone. Kanaan steals some explosives.
Turning Point 1: Black Star allows Kanaan to help him go after the guys who injured him. He wants to see lawbreakers punished, no matter how small.
Act 2: Black Star wakes up. He almost died. He allows Kanaan to help with the investigation and helps to train him to fight properly.
Black Star’s mentor, Mars, trains Kanaan to fight properly and increases his confidence.
Rhapsody argues with Black Star about her role with him. She wants more autonomy and wants them to take off the limits of not killing since he almost died. A message must be sent. Black Star is a man of steel, cool, tough, ruthless, a great hero. / He is often a caricature of the hero, too big for a real person to live up to. He is holding Rhapsody back instead of helping her to grow.
Kanaan sees Black Star taking a powerful drug to help get over the pain of his injury. There has been more violence that night and the city needs him after his short absence.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star is not liked by the people of the city, but Kanaan convinces him to keep fighting for them.
Act 2: Rhapsody works to prove that Kanaan cannot help them and tries to pressure him to leave them alone. She investigates his life but can’t figure out where he lives. She tries to find out in sneaky ways but he is very secretive and she can’t keep up when following him.
Kanaan steals the phone from Rhapsody and heads out to find out who the guy’s bosses were. Mars follows him.
Mars and Kanaan hang out together. Mars used to fight crime but he got old and slow and can’t do what he used to. He wishes he still could, his mind is still sharp and he misses it. It’s like a drug. Kanaan wants to be a hero, but must get over his guilt. He presents as a helper, but his ideas and actions often get in the way.
Kanaan discovers that the man knows someone who works for the Mayor. While waiting for his interview, He makes his rival for the job put back the extra free water bottle they take. Black Star is hesitant to go after the Mayor who he thinks is doing a great job trying to make the city safer.
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan is able to get a job with the Mayor.
Kanaan joins the Mayor’s street team for one of his charities to get information on who in his administration is working with the criminals to deal weapons. Eavesdrops on a conversation that concerns the Mayor.
Rhapsody is unhappy when Black Star takes credit for her work and releases a story to the media about the weapon she recovered. This is a pattern of behavior with him that she hates.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Rhapsody presents what she’s founds to Black Star, who rejects her evidence because it is redacted and she can’t prove anything. She follows Kanaan to his parents’ house and has dinner with his family, getting more intel on him.
Rhapsody warns Kanaan that he cannot be one of them. She’s skeptical of his intentions.
Kanaan returns to the gym and is a better fighter. He takes on his old friend in a fight and beats him easily, showing he’s been learning this whole time where he was just taking beatings in fights. He is becoming darker and angrier.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Black Star’s mentor is killed and Kanaan takes over his responsibilities, despite Rhapsody’s protests.
Act 3: Kanaan and Rhapsody break in to the Mayor’s penthouse to steal his computer but Rhapsody leaves Kanaan behind. He has to stand up for himself and fight his way out and makes a deal with the Mayor to be let go.
Black Star is crushed by the death of his mentor and turns to more drugs to take his mind off of it. Kanaan subtly blames Rhapsody who is furious with him. Kanaan stays to comfort Black Star and Rhapsody leaves.
Black Star tells Kanaan to go home, he will be okay and doesn’t want to be a burden on Kaanan’s life. Kanaan says he will do whatever Black Star needs him to do.
Kanaan goes to have dinner with his family and Rhapsody follows him and crashes the party. Rhapsody reveals that she had issues with her parents who are both dead now, but is that even true?
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to leave but she pretends that the two of them are in a relationship, getting close to his family in the process. Rhapsody learns the neighborhood that Kanaan lives in by questioning his mother.
Kanaan tries to get Rhapsody to confess things about herself to his parents but she is just making things up.
Rhapsody talks to Kanaan’s mother and finds out about his arrest and legal trouble as a young person. While she’s doing this, she misses meeting up with Black Star who has been calling her.
Kanaan tells his mother that she doesn’t have to worry about him. He’s almost got his dream job.
Act 3: Rhapsody lets her investigation of Kanaan get in the way of helping Black Star get the weapons off the street. She has a big fight with Blackout who is convinced that she is working against him, so she goes to get definitive proof that Kanaan has bad intentions and finds his apartment.
Rhapsody gets Kanaan to admit his criminal past in front of his family. They know about it, but it’s painful for him to relive it.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she’s going to tell Black Star what he confessed to. Kanaan is sad but wants to keep working with them. He needs that purpose in his life.
Mars passes on a message from Black Star to Rhapsody because she isn’t answering him. She tells him that she has to go to school like they both wanted for her. He accepts her answer but she won’t say how school is going.
Mars agrees to do something for Black Star because Rhapsody is missing, at dinner with Kanaan’s family. Mars is killed being a hero one final time.
Kanaan returns to the gym. This time he fights back, injuring the student who has been beating him up, and then taking down his friend who is teaching the class.
Rhapsody apologizes to Kanaan and invites her along to steal proof of the Mayor’s misdeeds. He accepts and goes along.
Rhapsody takes Kanaan to the Mayor’s penthouse. He tries to bond with her. She leaves him behind and he is almost killed by security.
Rhapsody has Kanaan’s address and goes to his apartment. She confronts the guys in the street who she beats up in the opening scene.
Rhapsody explores Kanaan’s apartment and sees he has an unhealthy obsession with Black Star. Kanaan’s apartment explodes while Rhapsody is inside.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Turning Point 3: Rhapsody goes to Kanaan’s apartment (the apartment from the opening scene), which is blown up. Rhapsody survives the murder attempt and goes after Kanaan, who she believes set her up to die.
Hints: Kanaan escaping the Mayor’s penthouse after investigating and talking to the Mayor. Their ideologies lining up near the end.Changes Reality: They were manipulating Black Star. Can they work together and be allies?
Influences Surface Story: Kanaan survives Rhapsody leaving him to die.
Act 3: Black Star has had many sidekicks, and has a shrine where he keeps things that remind him of them. Black Star thinks about giving up. Kanaan talks him into continuing.
Kanaan thinks Rhapsody is dead. He goes to meet Black Star and tells him that he doesn’t know where Rhapsody is, although he suspects that she is dead. He has no apartment to go to so Black Star lets him stay.
Rhapsody tells Kanaan that she is coming to kill him.
Turning Point 3: Black Star reveals his identity to Kanaan.
Turning Point 3: Kanaan thinks he is Black Star’s sidekick now, but Rhapsody is alive and coming after Kanaan.
Black Star confronts the Mayor. His aide must go to jail for what he’s done. This was the Mayor’s doing. Black Star kills her assistant, breaking his no death rule. He says that the City needs the Mayor for now and to consider this a warning. The Mayor says that Black Star needs to discipline Rhapsody in return for what she has done.
Rhapsody is furious when she sees Kanaan in a superhero costume similar to hers.
Act 4 Climax: Kanaan denies having anything to do with Rhapsody’s near death and fights Rhapsody.
Act 4 Climax: Black Star and Kanaan fight Rhapsody. Rhapsody shoots Black Star with the weapon, stunning him, nearly killing him, and Kanaan has to step back into the fight to save him.
Rhapsody fights Kanaan. He criticizes himself and his past, but wonders if punishing himself forever is the right path.
Act 4 Climax: Rhapsody fights Kanaan, but Black Star intervenes on Kanaan’s side. Rhapsody takes advantage, hitting him on his wound. Kanaan has to fight her alone again. He knocks Rhapsody into the river, leaving her seemingly dead.
Resolution: Black Star adds Rhapsody’s mask to his shrine, and appoints Kanaan as his new sidekick.
Resolution: Kanaan is Black Star’s new sidekick and they protect the city together.
Resolution: Rhapsody survives. She has been rescued by the mayor and is turned against Black Star and the city and wants to see both suffer.
Deeper Layer: Kanaan is working with the Mayor to get Black Star to go after organized criminals that are ruining his reelection campaign.
Major Reveal: At the end, Kanaan talks with the Mayor and reveals that their plan has worked.
Resolution: Kanaan is now Blackout’s sidekick and helper. Rhapsody has survived, but joins the criminals to cause chaos in the city as revenge against Blackout and Kanaan who are now a crime fighting team. Kanaan meets with his family and says he is making a difference now. A criminal gang is harassing a woman. Kanaan, in his superhero costume steps in to save her.
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Micki’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision: Be recognized as a writer that will work with the industry and would do what it takes to be that WRITER.
What I learned from doing this assignment is matching actions and traits of the characters to be driven past their limitations. Each scene needs to drive the story forward.
EMPOWERED!!
This will have the new outline mixed in with the old outline. The new one will be in bold.
PROTAGONIST: DAKOTA TANNER
PROTAGONIST JOURNEY= DAKOTA PJ #
ANTAGONIST: BLAKE RILEY
ANTAGONIST JOURNEY=BLAKE AJ #
Beginning:
DAKOTA—She picks up a wedding dress.
Dakota parks her car at the lake house, three cars parked in the circular drive
She carries her bags and dress into the house.
She overhears the parents’ and grandparents’ plans of ending the feud.
She keeps it to herself.
DAKOTA PJ #1 Dakota expresses that John will be here shortly.
BLAKE—-She wrote a letter to John in high school.
BLAKE AJ #1 Arrives at the lake house with her husband and children.
She sees Dakota and smirks. Her husband carries in the bags with the children following behind him.
Make a snarky remark to Dakota about not having a husband and children at her age.
Dakota leaves the room, tears stream down her cheeks.
Dakota reveals the engagement ring. She stares at it.
DEEPER LAYER: The family wants to end the feud with the sisters so there can be peace in the family.
BLAKE AJ #2 Starts a fight with Dakota.
Grandma May has Dakota shucking corn and Blake snapping green beans out on the porch.
Dakota rocks as she shucks the corn.
Blake gets angrier with each squeaky sound from the rocker.
Dakota smiles and hums with each corn shucked. She places the corn in a large bowl. The husks go into a large bag.
Blake reaches her limit, she dumps the husks all over Dakota.
Dakota shakes the corn hair and husks off.
Dakota grabs the bowl and runs into the house. Locks the door.
Blake pounds the door until her husband lets her in.
Inciting Incident:
DAKOTA—Goes up to the attic to look for the tablecloth with Blake.
Grandma May had enough with Dakota and Blake,
Grandma May looks for the special occasion tablecloth.
She makes Dakota and Blake go up to the attic for it.
BLAKE—She goes up to the attic with Dakota.
BLAKE AJ #3 Refuses to help and sits on the sofa, watching Dakota looking for the tablecloth.
DEEPER LAYER The tablecloth has a special meaning for Grandma May and she wants to find it.
DAKOTA PJ #2 Dakota goes through the boxes in a corner. Notices Blake sitting.
Blake sits down on the dusty old sofa that has seen better days.
Dakota heads over to one of the corners with a stack of boxes. She reaches for the top one and starts going through it.
Each box she goes through stacks neatly behind her.
Blake watches Dakota and gives her the evil eye.
Dakota notices Blake sitting there doing nothing.
Dakota asks for help and Blake laughs.
Dakota picks up a box and stacks it.
Turning Point 1:
DAKOTA—Look for it and give up. Heads back down and the door is locked.
Dakota glances around and sees a lot of boxes with no label.
Dakota heads to the door.
It doesn’t open up. It is locked. She knocks on the door.
Grandma May talks aloud and lets them know they are locked up until the feud is over. If it takes the entire weekend.
Dakota slumps to the steps and reaches for the engagement ring.
She gets up and determines to find the tablecloth and end the feud.
DAKOTA PJ #3 She pulls the plug.
BLAKE—-Sits on the sofa and watches Dakota.
BLAKE AJ #4 She gets up and sees a CD player and CDs, she finds a mixed jam Dakota and John made. She plays it.
Blake gets up and finds a CD player and CDs.
Blake puts on a mixed songs CD and starts dancing.
Dakota informs Blake the door is locked and they can’t leave.
Blake turns up the volume
DEEPER LAYER: The songs hurt Dakota.
Act 2:
DAKOTA—Realizes they are locked up in the attic.
Dakota continues to look for the tablecloth.
Turn down the volume on the CD player.
Demands Blake to look for the tablecloth.
Blake slaps Dakota and yells at her.
Dakota slaps back.
Blake slaps harde, Dakota does the same.
Both faces are red.
Dakota demands what is going on with Blake.
Blake refuses to tell Dakota anything.
BLAKE—She replugs the CD player and puts her favorite CD in and starts dancing..
DEEPER LAYER This is Dakota’s chance—she blows it.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:
DAKOTA—Finds her old high school album and a letter falls to the floor.
An old dusty high school album falls off the shelf.
Dakota picks it up.
Sits down on the sofa and looks through the album.
A picture falls out. Blake grabs it.
Dakota asks about it.
Blake refuses to answer.
Dakota sees John’s picture. Laughs.
Blake asks what is funny.
Dakota moves over so Blake can sit next to her.
Motorcycle rides up outside.
DAKOTA PJ #4 Dakota sits down and starts to cry.
BLAKE—She grabs the fallen letter.
BLAKE AJ #5 She mocks Dakato’s crying.
DEEPER LAYER: Family is sometimes not thicker than water.
Act 3:
DAKOTA—A letter falls out.
DAKOTA PJ #5 She grabs the letter from Blake and sees the reason for the break-up.
BLAKE—Notice a motorcycle.
BLAKE AJ #6 Tells Dakota that she doesn’t deserve John, that he was hers to have.
DEEPER LAYER: Blake is jealous of Dakota and John’s high school relationship.
Dakota tells Blake about John and his player ways in high school.
Blake listens.
Dakota tells Blake how he was asking all the girls to go out with him while he was with another girl.
Blake asks Dakota if he asked her to go out.
Dakota let Blake know that he had.
Dakota also tells Blake that he uses girls to put a notch on his belt.
Blake tells Dakota that she had a date with John.
Dakota knows.
Dakota tells Blake that their parents didn’t want Blake to date John. Since she was a freshman and he was a senior.
Dakota went to the dance to tell John.
Blake tells Dakota she went to the dance and saw her kissing John.
Turning Point 3:
DAKOTA—Dakota tells Blake she wants to end the feud.
DAKOTA PJ #5 She finds out why John broke up with her.
BLAKE—She finds out that Dakota wants to end the feud.
BLAKE AJ #7 Still wants John and will fight even though she has a husband and children.
DEEPER LAYER You have to fight to get what you want.
Blake gets angry with Dakota for kissing John during the dance in high school.
Dakota told her she was protecting her baby sister.
Blake gets up and walks around the attic. Anger is building up.
Dakota explains her actions.
Blake accuses Dakota for her unhappiness at how she had to settle with her husband.
Dakota screams that it wasn’t her fault.
Blake tells Dakota she is lying. That she liked John and wanted to use her to get to him.
Dakota tells Blake this was a setup to stop the feud.
The family is tired of the fight between them.
Act 4 Climax:
DAKOTA—She reads the letter and now knows why John broke up with her. She tells Blake that she and John are having a baby.
DAKOTA PJ #6 Dakota starts yelling and laughing at the same time.
BLAKE—She and Dakota fight.
BLAKE AJ #8 Still wants John and will fight for him.
DEEPER LAYER: Dakota fights for her love, John
Dakota tells Blake that she is matter of fact getting married. This weekend during the fireworks.
Blake asks to whom and Dakota smiles.
Dakota says the owner to the motorcycle outside.
Blake goes over to the window and sees it.
She sees John with her husband and their dad.
Blake attacks Dakota.
Dakota attacks back.
Dakota falls to the floor, grabs her stomach.
Mutters something about the baby.
And asks Blake why Dakota has to be single for the rest of her life.
Blake says because she had a chance with John and it didn’t happen.
Dakota tells Blake she should be happy with her husband and children.
Dakota asks Blake to stand next to her during her wedding.
Resolution:
DAKOTA—-She marries John
BLAKE—She stands next to Dakota at the wedding.
DEEPER LAYER: Happinesses can happen if you truly want it.
Blake nods.
Dakota goes to the door and opens it up.
She lies about the door being locked.
They go downstairs and find the tablecloth on a chair next to the window.
They look at Grandma May and she shrugs her shoulders and smiles
Dakota walks toward John as the fireworks go off.
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Pat Fitzgerald’s Character Action Tracks
What I learned: Attaching actions that fit my character’s traits makes it easier for me to know them all the better. They are falling in line with their true personalities.
Pat Fitzgerald’s New Outline Beats.
Vision: I have the courage, conviction and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go to have my scripts optioned and produced.
What I Learned: Examining the plot forwards, backwards and inside out showed me that I wasn’t challenging my lead character enough. Her journey was far too easy and needed more roadblocks. It’s still not where it ought to be, but that’s why it’s a good idea to let go of perfections. It is moving forward in its own imperfect way.
ACT 1: JAKI BURAN, Lilly in tow, wanders into a strip bar to talk with the manager. No, no jobs open.
Lilly takes a luxury food item from her overalls. Jaki feigns surprise, says Lilly must’ve taken it at the grocery store. Manager doesn’t believe her.
She tends Lilly while attempting online transcriptions – gotta make the mortgage payment.
Phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?
In the assisted living home’s common room, Jaki, in clown costume smiles, hugs residents – happy to see them but not happy to do them.
AJAX COLEMAN arrives in a wheel chair, blanket covering his lap. He switches on a hidden boom box, gives himself welcoming music.
Jaki starts her “welcome to the home” clown act by dancing to the music.
Ajax switches the music to something with a sultry beat.
INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown act and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror and Ajax’s family’s horror.
Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –
Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.
Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents petition for the lessons.
Jaki continues to watch Lilly, but starts teaching dance classes, Lilly in tow.
Ajax never fails to watch, and Jaki eyes Ajax.
Rochelle feigns disgust, embarrassed, as she was as a child because Mom made her living stripping.
Jaki visits Ajax in his room, turns on her sparkle. He sees through her, tells her to cut the act and be herself.
Jaki invites Ajax to a lunch outside the home. Awkward conversation about kids and trying to get along with them. They have this in common.
Jaki brings Ajax back, wheels him into his room, takes a look at a jewelry box with expensive watches, rings.
ACT TWO: Jaki sees Ajax as the cash cow of her dreams.
Rochelle rushes in, carrying Lilly. Can Jaki watch her? The home’s owners are coming and the kid can’t be there.
Ajax invites them both to stay. Jaki is ready to say yes, but Rochelle insists they leave. Why?
In the hallway, Rochelle asks Jaki for money. Brief, hissy argument. Jaki comes through. Neither know that Ajax watches this from his room.
Dance lessons. Jaki genuinely enjoys teaches the assisted home ladies some raunchy moves. She’s having a blast – and watching Lilly at the same time.
Ajax and other men delight in watching, but Lilly wanders off Jaki stops class to find her.
Lilly found in the hallway, but –
Jaki steers Lilly into Ajax’s apartment, which she searches, which she rifles.
Lilly grabs a Rolex and sticks it down her overalls.
Rochelle discovers Jaki in the room. Jaki insists she was only tracking down Lilly. Rochelle doesn’t fall for it. Lilly runs off, to Rochelle’s office.
Lilly puts the watch into Rochelle’s desk.
Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.
Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her the boss has banned dance lessons anymore.
Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.
A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.
Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.
Ajax asks Jaki on a date, to celebrate.
Ajax can’t find his Rolex, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this and his family – she betrayed her mother.
Ajax still plans to go on the date, but his family shows up and all but holds him hostage.
MIDPOINT/Act 3: Rochelle phones Jaki, the date is off. Jaki realizes how much she genuinely cares for him.
Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house, confronts Jaki about the Rolex, then not believing Jaki’s denial, bans her from the home.
Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.
Rochelle and Lilly show up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.
Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records and his Rolex.
He leaves the Rolex.
Ajax on his way to Jaki’s – almost in a traffic accident, but leaps out of the wheelchair.
Cops insist he must go to the hospital.
Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.
ACT 4: Ajax is fine, checks himself out of the hospital, just has his kids are rushing in, trying to locate him.
Ajax Uber’s to Jaki’s house, at the front door he hears –
A major argument between Jaki and Rochelle.
Lilly runs outside, crying, and-
Ajax gets out of his wheel chair to chase her.
Ajax returns with Lilly, just as Jaki and Rochelle rush out the door to find Lilly. They realize he doesn’t need the wheelchair.
Ajax’s family at the home. Where is Dad?
His phone is in his room.
Jaki’s house – Ajax has a talk with Rochelle about her spending habits, and –
The police show up, say they are investigating a kidnapping.
Ajax tells the cops that he’s fine, that he just came to Jaki’s to propose to her.
Much to her own surprise, Jaki accepts.
Ajax is about to disown and disinherit his family, but Jaki says not to. They might be assholes, but family is family. They’ll figure it out. Meanwhile –
Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.
Jaki returns to giving dance lessons, realizes how much she enjoys the old folks and applies for a job as a caregiver. She might’ve landed her dream rich guy, but she loves him, not his money
RESOLUTION: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding, at the home. Rochelle is matron of honor. Lilly produces the watch from Rochelle’s desk and everybody realizes that she took it in the first place.
Old ladies do their own little “raunchy” dance to honor the newlyweds.
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Bobby’s Character Action Track
What I learned doing this assignment is… I’ve got a pretty good handle on my two leads, but this definitely sharpened some key moments!
MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.
Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer is forced to join forces with his tormentors and potential victims when their cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.
ACT I
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
COLD OPEN: couple (MARK and MOLLY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON swings from a vine above, kills Mark with a machete, and “rescues” Molly – who loved him all along.
INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY
Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc. Carl sees the anger in Jason’s eyes, dares him to take a swing. Jason apologizes.
INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT
Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS. He apologizes again. Boss tells him to bring food to bullies – Jason begs him not to.
INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss. Jason begs not to be fired – his dad will kill him.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning. Mark and Hack have intense discussion about Hack’s violence – Mark pleading, Hack bows his head, apologetic – but goes blank when Mark turns.
EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Before going inside, Jason grabs (what? Something like a cup), and sticks it down his pants to protect his balls.
INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT
TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”) Under threat, Jason agrees.
INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Jason watches Mark drop Molly off; they make out. Jason looks at posters of Jason, Freddy, etc on wall. Decides to take action.
END OF ACT I
INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT
PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall. Takes Carl’s gun from nightstand while he sleeps. Ties Star Wars shirt around forehead. Hurts himself numerous times on weapons.
EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING
Jason follows Mark and Molly in his car.
EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY
Mark and crew drive up mountain. Hack plays with a spider – flicks it on Astrid when she reacts. Jason follows in his car.
INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY
He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…
INT. MARK’S CAR – DAY
River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.
INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY
Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Mark and crew are just up the road.
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Mark and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Mark bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Mark says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
Group moves through Civil War graveyard. Sees empty graves. Hack pushes Chet into one, as they leave. Watches as he struggles. Mark helps Chet out.
EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY
Jason lugs his duffel, struggling. Falls into same grave as Chet. Panics – claustrophobia. Has to close his eyes and calm himself. Finds his own way out.
GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.
EXT. CABIN – DAY
They boat across lake to cabin. Mark’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Mark’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Mark points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too. They jump in lake despite Mark’s warning.
INT. CABIN – DAY
Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Mark not happy, he and Molly still at odds [OVER WHAT?].
EXT. WOODS – DAY
Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.
Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree. Hacks at it with machete – hurts his hand.
[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Mark and Molly as kids, carving]
Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.
INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES
Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire. [SPLIT SCENES – Jump Scares, etc]
CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.
EXT. WOODS – DUSK
Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason. He can’t do it. Starts to back away, defeated.
Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –
TURNING POINT II: DEATH #1: Chet killed by Zombie.
Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete. Realizes Jason was there to kill them. Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat.
END OF ACT II
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies, holds up joint, said he found it on a log. Jason tries to escape, they won’t let him.
Molly defends Jason. Group relents. Alan says he’s going to go get Chet – Astrid goes too: wants the pot Chet’s obviously hogging, despite Jason’s warnings.
INT./EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT
Alan/Astrid looks for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.
In cabin, Mark probes Jason to see why he really came here. Hack signals to Jason to keep quiet. Jason won’t talk. Mark is pissed.
DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them. Maggie leaps from couch, now a zombie.
DEATH #3: Maggie kills _____. DEATH #4: Maggie dies – Jason grabs lacrosse stick, nets her head, yells instructions (Gotta destroy the brain!) Hack watches, amused. Then Hack smashes her skull in with ______.
Group flips out, screaming at Hack, who smiles.
Jason flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns. They turn towards light. Mark slaps lights off.
They turn off all the lights in the house (or Power goes out?). Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason raises hand like in class – says he’s got weapons.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Mark and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids. Mark pulls Alan aside, says to stay by Molly, and keep an eye on Hack. Jason balks, terrified. Mark reminds Jason of time he got Mark out of cave?
EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT
Jason and Mark retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.
INT. CABIN – NIGHT
They distribute weapons, laughing at Jason’s “cosplay geekness” coming in handy. Hack pulls gun out – Jason’s cover is blown. Jason has it out with his tormentors, standing up to all of them.
Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo.
DEATH #5: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.
Mark finally confronts Hack [show Mark NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit down in a corner. Hack nods graciously. Sits. Smokes.
New Plan: Jason says they’ve got to block every entrance. Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.
Mark orders everyone upstairs. No one can find Hack.
INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.
INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL
Kids scramble upstairs. Mark locks door. They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.
Jason worries about the servants passage. Mark reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.
INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)
Calm before storm. Debate next steps.
Molly approaches Jason, who retreats. She apologizes, but insists he open up. First real crack in Jason’s armor, as he talks about what his dad said, how alone he’s been.
Molly defends Mark: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.
INT. MARK’S BEDROOM
Jason comes in to see Mark staring at pictures on wall: the three of them, when they were 7. Jason – not angry – asks “why?” We learn how scared of Hack Mark is (Mark thinks Hack may have killed his own parents).
INT. BASEMENT
Hack lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.
INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)
Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Mark won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?
INT. KITCHEN
TURNING POINT 3: Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.
END ACT III
INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)
Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, gutteral, beastial. Calls for Mark – he’s coming for him!
Group on the run – Mark and Jason consulting as to next steps.
INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY
Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner. Jason puts arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Mark uses flail.
Mark retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time.
INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE
Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.
INT. HALLWAY
Below, Zombie-Hack looks to far end, and another window. Shambles off that way.
INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE
Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry. Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.
EXT. ROOF – NIGHT
Jason kills Zombie-Hack, and saves Mark and Molly.
EXT. ROOF
Still tons of zombies below. What to do. Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down [echo of Jason’s opening dream], and escape into woods.
EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD
They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.
CONFEDERATE Zombies attack Union Zombies. Kids sneak off in the chaos.
EXT. ROAD – DAWN
They siphon gas from Jason’s upside-down car, into Mark’s car. Mark worries what Jason’s dad will do. Jason shrugs. “Guess we’ll have a talk.”
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Sandra’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.
What I learned doing this assignment is how to make my lead characters more action-oriented. This lesson was challenging, as I tend to think more about dialogue.
Title: SMUGGLERS JOURNEY
Genre: Drama
ACT 1: Sloane (PJ) relaxes at home watching tv, when there’s a knock on the door. Sloane cautiously peaks out through the corner of the curtain and sees police with rifles.
(20 years earlier) Sloane (age 10) at home with his mother. Knock on the door. Sloane peaks behind the drapes and sees a policeman. After telling his mother, he dashes down the hall to his room.
Sloane and his mother have dinner at a nice restaurant. When his mother insists, he finish his dinner before he can eat dessert, he defiantly throws his fork on the table and storms out the door.
Sloane (age 18) graduates from high school and joins the Navy.
Sloane (age 25) marries and becomes a ship captain.
Sloane (age 30) leaves the Navy for a better paying job on a cargo freighter ship.
Surface Layer: Sloane is a young, honest and hard-working sea captain.
Mr. Big (AJ) is an international banker who makes a profit by exchanging money.
INCITING INCIDENT: Sloane discovers his ship crew is smuggling oil.
Sloane threatens to report the smuggling to the authorities.
Mr. Big slams his fist on his desk and throws things when he hears that Sloane may threaten his smuggling and money laundering operation.
Mr. Big orders someone to rough up and warn Sloane.
TURNING POINT 1: Sloane is unexpectedly ambushed. He puts up a fight, but is no match to his opponent. Badly beaten, Sloane manages to crawl back to the ship and collapses.
Deeper Layer: Sloane faces a dilemma of reporting the illegal activities or joining in on the smuggling. Either way, he risks being killed.
ACT 2: Sloane tries to ignore the smuggling by leaving the ship and going to a local bar while the smuggling occurs.
Sloane requests a transfer to another ship. Unfortunately, the new crew is even more corrupt. Sloane learns all about smuggling firsthand.
Self-confident and powerful, Mr. Big meets with Sloane and lures him into the smuggling world.
Influences Surface Story: Sloane’s family is growing and he needs the money to support his wife and children.
Sloane accepts a job inspecting ships.
Major Reveal: As an inspector, Sloane fakes documents, and exchanges money for a fee.
Changes Reality: We think Sloane is doing his job honestly until we see him forging visas for ship captains.
Mr. Big tips off the military police to Sloane’s location.
TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Military police begin raids on Sloane’s house.
Hints: Smiling, friendly and engaging, Sloane treats the police officers like friends.
Sloane hides large amounts of cash in his closet and pays off the police with a duffle bag full of cash.
Sloane’s marriage is on the rocks since he’s rarely home.
War breaks out and the oil business dries up.
Sloane rushes home to be with his dying father.
After the funeral, Sloane helps his mother figure out the financial and legal paperwork.
ACT 3: Sloane leaves the ship and smuggling business.
Sloane tries several legitimate jobs that all fail.
Sloane plays with his children, but doesn’t discipline them. He is more of a friend than a father. Arguments with his wife worsen.
Mr. Big is losing money without Sloane, and schemes what to do next.
TURNING POINT 3: Mr. Big convinces Sloane to come back and work together again.
Mr. Big persuades Sloane that they should smuggle whiskey.
One container of whiskey is confiscated by the police and the other disappears.
The police are hot on their trail. If captured Sloane faces a firing squad.
Without telling Sloane, Mr. Big orders someone to sink the ship to collect the insurance money.
Sloane is shocked and concerned about the men that may have been on board the ship. Sloane argues with Mr. Big over the phone.
Sloane is having health problems from all his drinking.
Sloane goes home when his mother dies, and drinks while sorting through her things.
Sloane’s wife files for divorce. He’s depressed and drinks heavily.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: Sloane gives up the life of crime.
A friend convinces Sloane that he has a drinking problem.
Sloane enters an alcohol and drug treatment program.
RESOLUTION: Sloane is now clean and sober.
Sloane rebuilds his relationship with his children.
Sloane meets a wonderful woman on-line through a spiritual dating service.
Sloane becomes a prison counselor helping inmates.
Mr. Big disappears.
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Farrin Rosenthal’s Character Action Tracks!
Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.
What I learned doing this assignment is how actors choose roles for many reasons, but especially because they want to become that character, do the things they do and say the things they say. How a character acts should come from who that character is, using the character’s profile and traits. My protagonist is trapped in a tight space for 3/4 of the story, so the physical actions he can take are restricted, therefore, every other scene we see him outside the box should reveal actions based on his traits. Same with my antagonist. Most of the story will consist of verbal sparring with Tom, but he can take actions and does.
Tom Carter Core Traits: Claustrophobic, Risk-adverse, Stubborn, Protector, Controlling, Humorous (to cope).
Dmitriy Core Traits: Ruthless, Intelligent, Driven, Insecure, Know-it-all.
Title: TRAPPED
Genre: Thriller
Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.
Act 1: Tom and his family are kidnapped.
Tom PJ 1: Tom wakes up trapped in a dark box, doesn’t know where he is or why.
Tom PJ 2: We see Tom’s old ways and how they affect his family. Tom works with his store employees and security guard to surveil a “live one.” Tom sees thief steal something, confronts the robber, blocks his exit, tries to get robber to give up what he stole. Robber pulls a knife, which turns Tom from protecting the merchandise to protecting employees, customers, and himself. When robber tries to run, Tom knocks stolen item loose and narrowly avoids being stabbed.
Tom PJ 3: Tom drives an 8-year-old SUV into fast-food drive-thru, shows his penny-pinching ways, telling family they can order anything from the dollar menu, on a budget, can’t spend more than $20-25.
Inciting Incident: Tom and his family are kidnapped by hooded figures. Who are they?
Dmitriy AJ 1: Orders two cars cut off and surround Tom’s car. Hooded figures kidnap Tom and his family.
Tom PJ 4: Tom and his family are kidnapped. Tom tries to fight off kidnappers who grab his kids, but fails, is taken along with them.
Deeper Layer: Tom doesn’t know who the kidnappers are or why they were taken.
Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Anticipation
Turning Point: Tom finds out where he is (at the bottom of a pool) and that he is accused of stealing $3.6 billion from a Russian mob boss who is holding Tom’s family hostage.
Tom PJ 5: Tom learns he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses.
Tom PJ 5a: Tom doesn’t even own a house with a pool, says he’s just a store manager in Van Nuys, the shithole of the valley (go to Tom PJ 2 – robbery), nor believes he is at bottom of one, could be anywhere, needs proof.
Dmitriy AJ 2: Dmitriy tells Tom he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses, shows Tom his family tied and gagged.
Dmitriy AJ 2a: Orders Ivan to dive into pool and knock on box. Ivan doesn’t want to but Dmitriy makes him.
Act 2: Tom is trapped in a watery grave.
Tom PJ 6: Realizing just how trapped he is, Tom’s claustrophobia starts to overwhelm him, see him trapped in an elevator as a kid, trying to open doors, call for help, but elevator phone doesn’t work, pound on door, screams for help, panics, must sit down, pees himself? Susan, Tom’s wife must step in and help, gets Tom to focus on the day they got married in Hawaii.
Dmitriy AJ 3: Dmitriy continues to try to get Tom to confess, but Tom is overcome with claustrophobia. Dmitriy ungags Susan, allows her to use phone to help Tom.
Tom PJ 7: See Tom and Susan’s wedding in Hawaii.
Tom PJ 8: Tom now able to focus, but can’t talk his way out of box, threats against his family increase. Tom calls police. He doesn’t know where he is, police can’t find him, his plans fail.
Dmitriy AJ 4: Dmitriy ups his threats against Tom’s family, threatens to rape and kill them, even the dog.
Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom finds out a Russian mob boss kidnapped them and is told why.
Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation
Midpoint Turning Point: Tom’s box slowly starts to fill with water.
Act 3: Tom is still trapped and now water is rising.
Tom PJ 9: Nothing Tom is saying or doing to escape works. Pounds side of box in frustration. Water keeps rising, time and air running out.
Dmitriy AJ 5: Dmitriy can’t get Tom to confess as water keeps rising, time and air running out. Touches Tom’s wife in a suggestive and sexual way. This upsets Ivan.
Tom PJ 10: More desperate, Tom tries to be tougher.
Dmitriy AJ 6: Dmitriy is unmoved as Tom tries to act tougher, hurts Tom’s kids, backhands Tom’s son when he talks back.
Deeper Layer: Dmitriy and Tom don’t know they have both been manipulated by Tom’s wife and her lover.
Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation
Turning Point: When tension is at its peak, at the very last second, water at its highest point in the box, with the least air and space left, Tom finally confesses.
Act 4: Tom escapes.
Dmitriy AJ 7: Dmitriy runs outside, orders Tom be freed from box.
Tom PJ 11: Tom is let out of the box with seconds to spare.
Dmitriy AJ 8: Dmitriy points gun at Tom, tells him to access the accounts with the stolen Bitcoin or he can watch his family die slowly.
Tom PJ 12: Tom learns the truth while pretending to access the stolen accounts.
Dmitriy AJ 9: Dmitriy is shocked to learn his brother Ivan betrayed him, they fight, Dmitriy pummels Ivan and looks like he will win easily, but Ivan somehow turns the tables and kills his brother.
Tom PJ 13: Tom tries to protect his family as the Russian brothers fight, sees Ivan kill Dmitriy.
Tom PJ 14: Tom confronts Ivan, after learning of his wife’s betrayal, that she and the Russian are having an affair and are the masterminds behind everything. Now it’s a fight to the death. Tom kills Ivan with a little help from his kids.
Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom learns his wife is having an affair with Ivan and that they framed him. Dmitriy learns of his brother’s betrayal.
Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Surprise, Anticipation
Resolution: Victory and death.
Tom PJ 15: Tom and his kids are safe, wife is now in the box screaming, right where the bitch belongs, all assets are in Tom’s name, so he is now a billionaire.
Dmitriy AJ 10: Dmitriy is dead.
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Joe McGloin’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter
What I learned from doing this assignment is doing this action pass helps preclude starting scenes with dialogue which I then find very difficult to undo with visuals, just a weakness I have.
Act 1: Max receives his assignment
Opening: PJ1 1 Max in Heaven is shown potential guardian angel assignments. He flips through them impatiently and with single word judgments. Time passes differently than on earth. It’s a lot faster.
PJ2 1 Jane is an independent local level political aide who runs from intimacy. She is cooly detached from her coworkers as she breezes into the office who shuns dating as a” de-railer.”
Deeper Layer: Jane is on track with her life mission so Max can’t mess it up
Inciting Incident: PJ 1 2 Despite his protests, Max is assigned to Jane. He continues to flip through other possibilities until the flipper is taken from him.
PJ2 2 Jane feels his dismay as a cold wind – not the AC – without knowing its source. Connection.
AJ1 Guardian Angel Supervisor Clarence is sure that a more senior Angel is needed for the assignment due to the big stakes, but he is overruled. Creates a level 5 hurricane with a tornado and a volcano in the mix. It creates havoc without causing any real harm.
PJ1 3: (cute meet) Max visits her at work as the recently hired temp (who no one knew was coming or who hired him), where he surreptitiously interferes with her activities to gauge her response. From a distance plops a pile of papers to the floor. Shreds an important document. Pushes her in her supervisor’s way with a water-filled vase that spills on him. Shakes his head at her responses.
PJ2 3: Jane counters Max’s interference at each turn, turning each incident to her advantage. Gets rid of the trash on the floor. Sends for a new important document with updates for the lawmakers. It’s a hot day anyway.
Turning Point 1: AJ2 Clarence decides to let Max fail by giving him no support (and the sient treatment) while Max watches Jane’s co-workers manipulate her into being the fall guy for a poorly written bill. He hides the bill under a stack of posters.
Act 2: Max doesn’t handle the assignment well.
New plan: PJ1 4 Max accepts the role on a temporary basis he claims, until he can clear her of the impending danger. He makes their lives miserable with little pranks and causing pratfalls.
PJ2 4 At first Jane tries to run from the situation by considering resigning from her position as she feels out of control when she is copied on an email about it. She responds by email with her resignation, then at the last minute doesn’t press the send button but instead calls over an aide who knows the issues inside out.
PJ2 5 She rewrites the bill at the last minute with help from an aide. All in secret after hours. She plies the aide with pizza.
PJ1 5 Max’s requests for help from Clarence go unanswered as Jane is on mission. He makes a nuisance of himself by ringing a bell reserved for an important event until he gets Clarence’s undivided attention.
PJ2 6 the re-written bill passes and Jane is a hero, catching her co-workers flat-footed. “Next time you want a fall guy, don’t copy them in your email.”
PJ1 6 (denial of love) Max as her aide disagrees with the new bill that is not as good as it appears. The two fight about the bill. His approach is to make people sign off on it and ignore the law makers. Max is frustrated but not defeated and has a dawning respect for Jane’s take charge approach.
Deeper Layer Reveal: AJ 3 Clarence and the heavenly bodies face a growing concern at humanity’s self-destruction (wars and discord appear as dark areas on earth, which Clarence shows to the higher ups) and what steps to take as the Guardian Angels are having decreasing success with humanity. Max is a case in point.
Midpoint Turning Point: Max forced to wear a human body full time to curb his interfering tendencies, easily created in Heaven, as Jane is catapulted into the national limelight – and increased distance from office aide Max – when her boss is arrested for vote tampering. She says” his friends let him down, happens every time.” At first Max ignores the limitation, being literally pushy and interfering in people’s space, then realizes how manipulative he is.
Act 3: Falling in love
Rethink everything: PJ1 7 Max gets himself promoted to political aide and buries himself in working hard for Jane. .
PJ2 8 Jane deals with the cut-throat realities of national politics in surprisingly humane and non-political ways. Accepts a takeover attempt by schooling the offender in how to make sure his ideas succeed by (the secret) making sure they serve the good of the whole.
PJ1 8 Max struggles with allowing life for Jane to unfold, clamping his hands under his armpits and biting his lip and nails, which
AJ4 softens Clarence as he has a growing, grudging respect for Max. Sends Max a rainbow he can use later for whatever special need he has – one time) Max’s role is made easier when
PJ2 9 Jane’s political advisor has a sudden health crisis and she appoints Max in his place before he leaves the interview room. Advisor has lots more contact than aide.
PJ1 9 (overwhelming attraction) Their attraction grows. Max is conflicted as he loses his objectivity as her guardian angel. Get overprotective to an extreme, hurting the politician who is thwarting Jane’s efforts.
PJ1 10 Max helps Jane while not trying to hover over her or he will be permanently extracted. He only does what menial tasks she asks of him, otherwise hanging back and observing, surprising both himself and Jane
AJ 5 Clarence watches Max closely, looking for a reason to pull the plug.
PJ2 10 Jane realizes she needs warm human contact (Max) to balance the downright inhuman politicians she is now forced to deal with, to help her see her constituents as more than a herd. She takes Max to dinner and dancing, bumbling her way through Gracy Heart-style but it works.
Turning Point: (break up) Max realizes but can’t share that it is his love for Jane that makes him lose his Guardian Angel objectivity so he resigns as Jane’s aide, causing them to break up. He walks outside, alone in a city full of people. He sits in her chair, leans back, observes every item on her cluttered desk, then at his picture on her desk. Then watches her walk into the office. Cries.
Act 4 All’s well that ends well.
AJ6 Clarence begrudgingly agrees that angels and humans live in different realms, so Max should return to Heaven so a new guardian angel can be assigned to Jane.
AJ7 There remains a great deal of concern for humanity itself, and its survival in these troubled times, but Jane seems to be a key figure as she appears on his screen. He types a message to the higher-ups with that important update.
PJ2 11 The night before the election Jane fights back against the false scandal over which she has little control, working with the aide who helped her with the bill, and turns the tables on her boss’s foes so the boss becomes President with Jane as VP. She realizes that people are dying and it’s sad how many.
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: PJ1 11 Max lets go of all of his desires to shape her future, so she can be free to explore her life as VP– that is what love does. He simply observes her from a distance, and has only words of encouragement when she shares her plans.
PJ1 12 Max dies to return to heaven so another Guardian Angel can be appointed.
PJ2 12 Jane threatens to resign over the death.
AJ 8 Clarence must find a way to keep Jane on mission in politics. The higher-ups have given him that chore, which is also a test for him to ascend.
Deeper Level Reveal: PJ2 13 Jane must become President to fulfill her mission to bring honesty to politics and face the climate crisis head-on.
Resolution: AJ 9 Clarence has pushed a plan to allow humans and angels to interact with Max as the test case. He high-fives Max.
PJ1 13 (finally re-uniting) Max returns to his body by redeeming the rainbow (though can no longer bop back and forth between heaven and earth). Only a moment has passed since his departure.
PJ2 14 Jane She rescinds her resignation to become President. She is strong in her belief in people and decent politics.
PJ1 14 Max tells her there is something she needs to know about him…
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[WIM] Caroline’s Character Actions Tracks!
My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.
What I learned: Having done the work in previous lessons made this lesson easier.
Act 1: Callahan takes a vacation to visit his American friends
Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.
PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. ACTION: Callahan stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.
Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.
PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent. ACTION: Callahan is happy to see his friends.
Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket. ACTION: Callahan’s training kicks in and he goes into tactical mode.
AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop. ACTION: Callahan gets into a fire fight with the kidnappers.
Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.
AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.
Act 2
Callahan is in a race to save his friends.
PJ 3: ACTION: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA but he is interrogated and threatened with deportation. He decides to go rogue.
Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. ACTION: Callahan recognizes that he is being tailed and takes advantage of it.
Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. ACTION: Callahan warns the kidnapper.
Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death. ACTION: Callahan prepares himself mentally.
PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart. ACTION: Callahan controls his rage.
PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.
Act 3
New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.
Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him. ACTION: Callahan is taken aback by Aaron’s betrayal.
PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound. ACTION: Callahan is angry at his friend.
AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self. ACTION: Aaron is vengeful.
Act 4
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men. ACTION: Aaron tries to destroy everyone. ACTION: Callahan is enraged as well.
Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.
AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested. ACTION: Aaron shows no remorse.
PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened. ACTION: Callahan comforts Gabrielle.
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Jane’s Character Action Tracks!
MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.
By doing this assignment I really made a lot of headway on filling in parts that I didn’t know about yet. I feel like I’ve made a really strong base in which to weave the many red herring stories into. I also discovered a few things about June and Percival that I didn’t realize before. A big “aha” moment for me was trying to stick to the character profiles from the previous lesson. I really took that to heart and stuck to who they are as people. This brought up some interesting actions and also kept me from going off the deep end with a variety of plot ideas. I feel like I know them both much better than when I started the assignment.
Genre: Parody of Tea Cozy Murder Mystery
Title: NOT A CLUE!
Act 1: Who is the world’s greatest detective?
Beat 1: June Marvel moves into Shady Acres Nursing Center to recuperate from hip surgery.
a. June as Beryl Markum in a very intense adventure. June VO from book.
b. Reading WEST WITH THE NIGHT in the taxi. Grumpy at being interrupted by arriving at Shady Acres.
c. Tries to get out of taxi by herself but has to take hold of the walker.
d. Stops to watch tv news of P. Heriot coming out of trial at the conviction of a murderer. Grimaces. Mattie can be seen in the background as part of the crowd. No one notices.
e. Eloise introduces herself and tells June that Percival will be living at Shady Acres soon.
Beat 2: Percival Heriot, world-renowned sleuth has also moved into Shady Acres to rest after a long, difficult murder investigation.
a. June watches from the window then goes back to her book but has trouble concentrating.
b. Percival sweeps in, happy to greet his adoring fans. Acknowledges that he needs rest but promises to sign autographs in the tea room later.
Beat 3: Percival quickly becomes a star attraction at Shady Acres, with all the residents hanging on his every word as he tells stories of murder and intrigue.
a. June’s neice Flora visits and they go to the tea room. June doesn’t want to go in but Flora insists. Doesn’t she want to meet the great detective?
b. Percival astounds his audience with stories of crime and his ability to “see” with his little grey cells. Logic, and his special insight are all that is required for him to solve the case.
c. June challenges him about the role of human nature and the human heart – things that are mysterious and unknown that logic can’t recognize. Only an astute knowledge of humanity can recognize these things.
Beat 4: Retired for the night.
a. June reads her book. She puts it down and heads out to the center’s pub. She expertly throws darts.
b. Percival writes in a notebook at his desk. Pleased with his notes, he locks the notebook and hides it in a dresser drawer.
Beat 5: The next morning Countess Amelia von Vhat’s diamond necklace is missing.
a. June observes those around her and notices Eloise acting strangely.
b. Percival springs into action interviewing the Countess and going over her movements.
c. Convinced that he must jog his little grey cells into action, Percival takes a nap.
d. June confronts Eloise and discovers that she took the necklace in hopes that Percival would notice her. June tells her not to be so soppy and silly. She takes the necklace and restores it to the Countess.
e. June has her first PT session with Frances. Frances indicates that a crush on Percival is a pretty good excuse for Eloise’s behavior but doesn’t go into details.
Beat 6: Unable to be bested by anyone, especially June, Percival publicly dismisses June’s sleuthing abilities as amateurish.
a. June dismisses her success as something anyone could do.
b. Percival agrees that anyone could have figured out who the thief was.
c. June is irate. She accuses Percival of taking credit for work the police force does.
d. Percival berates the police force as not capable of solving a crime without him.
THE CHALLENGE (Page 10)
a. June responds by challenging him to a competition. Each must commit a small crime – no one gets hurt and no property is damaged – and the other one must solve it in a weekend.
b. Self-assured, Percival takes the challenge and the competition commences. Eloise creates a pool for the staff and rest of the residents to place bets. It’s a Billy Jean King vs. Bobby Riggs battle of the sexes!!
Beat 7: June plans her “crime.”
a. June enlists the help of John and Mary Riddle, an elderly couple who live on the grounds and help in the kitchen and garden and Eloise, a kind but dotty permanent resident who has fallen in love with Percival. Eloise will disappear as if she were kidnapped and it will be up to Percival to find her. June builds Eloise a lovely stick blind where she can hide and watch all the fun. While June does this, Eloise gathers money from the betting pool.
Beat 8: Percival plans his “crime.”
a. Percival enlists the help of Major Perkins, an elderly permanent resident, Shady Acres gardener Markus, and Frances, the physical therapist. One of these individuals will steal the championship darts from the Shady Acres darts team and hold them ransom. The others he will set up as red herrings to distract June.
Beat 9: The challenge begins on Friday night. Chosen to launch the challenge, Countess Amelia von Vhat tells the two competitors the rules, wishes them luck and starts the competition.
a. June leaves as if to go to her room, then sneaks back to Eloise and escorts her from the building. She takes her to the hide where she tucks her in with a glass of sherry and a book. She then goes to the pub to play darts and finds the darts missing. She begins to pull together clues.
b. Percival gathers his team in his room and goes over the strategy then sends them on their way. He then waits as Major Perkins sneaks into the pub and, with gloves on and shoes off, steals the pub darts.
Beat 10: THE MURDER IS DISCOVERED (PAGE 30)
a. On Saturday morning, the body of Frances is discovered in the PT room. She has been killed by darts.
b. Percival takes over ther crime scene. The police enter. As Percival begins, he is interrupted by June.
c. June takes notice of the darts and proceeds to notice the reaction of everyone in the room. She notices the darts and tells the police that Percival may not be the best person to head up the investigation.
Act 2: Who on earth would want to kill me?
Beat 11: Percival doesn’t understand why Frances has the darts. She was one of his red herrings.
a. June studies Percival’s reaction but doesn’t listen.
b. Percival can’t understand why Frances had the darts. Major Perkens had them.
c. June makes herself the “trusted” one and shares her knowledge of Frances as a potential blackmalier. She encourages the police to watch Percival carefully.
d. Major Perkins says that Percival caleed him and asked that he bring the darts to Percival’s room, which he did. Just obeying orders.
e. June watches Percival’s every move. Why does he spend so much time alone in his room napping? Is it a ruse?
f. Percival realizes that he is a prime suspect. He begins to investigate but June hovers.
Beat 12: Percival discovers that Eloise is missing. Percival accuses June of endangering Eloise and possibly having a motive for murder.
a. As Percival’s “crime” is now discovered (stealing the darts) he insists that June reveal her’s.
b. June has totally forgotten about Eloise. Whe she goes out to the blind to get her, Eloise is gone without a trace.
c. Percival tells the police that there are two crimes, a missing person and a murder. He casts suspicion on June who he witnessed talking with the deceased about the missing person mere days before.
d. June is outraged!
Beat 13: Mattie joins the center on Monday morning as the replacement physical therapist. Both June and Percival have appointments with her that day.
a. June is too focused on outing Percival to notice Mattie very much. She tells Mattie what she has observed, more as a sounding board than a person.
b. Percival graciously accepts Mattie’s adoration of him and expresses his outrage at June’s accusations. He tells her about the tiny blind that June hid Eloise in and Mattie discovers Percival’s claustrophobia.
c. Mattie is extremely kind and a good listener. She expresses concern, not for herself although it could be someone targeting PT’s. No, she is concerned about the impact the death and missing person has on the residents.
d. Mattie “accidently” turns the treadmill on high for Percival. She apologizes profusely.
e. Percival nearly passes out on the treadmill.
Beat 14: Both detectives work independently to locate Eloise and prove that the other is to blame for Frances’ death. Each ignores potential clues.
a. June searches Eloise’s room and finds that she has very few possessions and nothing to identify her. Anne, the administrator finds her and tells her to leave.
b. June doesn’t register the clue that Mattie endangered Percival when she is told about his ordeal at tea.
c. Percival recruits Major Perkins to help him find clues to both the murder and to Eloise’s disappearance.
d. Percival askes Major Perkins to tell him exactly what the voice on the phone said. Major Perkins reveals a word that Percival doesn’t use plus that it was hard to understand him because of his sore throat. Percival has not had a sore throat for years.
e. Percival mentions something that a military man should know but Major Perkins doesn’t. Hmm? Percival doesn’t seem to notice.
Beat 15: Mattie takes Percival a gift to say she is sorry for the treadmill mistake.
a. P. is touched by her thoughtfullness. Confides in her that his fear of small places grew out of being bullied as a child.
b. M. realizes that being locked in a small cell for the rest of his life would be worse than death for P.
Beat 16: June discovers Eloise’s secret
a. In searching for Eloise, June discovers that Eloise has a gambling problem and that a mob boss is after her because she is the mother of a mobster who asked his mother to hide his loot while he is in jail.
Beat 17: Percival discovers that Markus the gardener, has a secret.
a. P. learns that the darts were poisoned and that Francis died from a botanical poison. He snoops around and discovers that gardener Markus has a greenhouse full of poisonous nad exotic plants.
Beat 18: Mattie expresses concern for June and Percival’s health due to stress from trying to find Eloise and solve the murder.
a. June feels like she is being patronized.
b. P. smiles but doesn’t listen.
c. M. is very concerned and seems genuinely concerned about Eloise too.
d. M. puts forth some ideas about where Eloise might be that the police haven’t checked. She mentions the old ice-house on the grounds.
e. June attempts to go to the ice-house but her walker slows her down. She is angry.
f. P. rushes past J. He will get there first.
Beat 19: They both arrive at the ice house.
a. J. takes a short cut. She is smug when she gets there before him.
b. P. follows the path and finds J. has beaten him. He pretends not to care but is obviously miffed.
c. J. investigates the ice house doorway and finds it is unlocked. She can’t fit her walker through the door opening. She is frustrated.
d. P. finds Eloise’s shoe. He doesn’t tell J. he’s found it.
e. P must go in the ice house.
f. P. makes excuses. She wasn’t in the ice house. He won’t say why he thinks that.
g. J. tries without the walker but is too unsteady. She chides P. about being afraid.
h. His ego succumbs and he agrees to go in. He is terrified.
Beat 20: Inside the ice house.
a. P. is terrified but notices the other shoe. Inch by inch he moves into the room to get it.
Beat 21: Outside the ice house.
a. J.’s frustration is appeased when she sees Eloise’s scarf on top of the ice house dome. She scrambles up to get it. The roof caves in.
b. The doorway is blocked but P. is unharmed. J. has crashed through and joined him. They are now both in a bit of bricks.
c. J. shows him Eloise’s scarf and something of his.
d. P. shows her the shoe and the shoe that he found outside.
e. They both decide that calling for help might bring about worse things, get the attention of the wrong person.
f. Together they arrange the bricks so that P. can crawl out. He assists J.
g. J. does not like being helped by P
h. P. makes some observations but doesn’t say anything.
i. John Riddle finds them and takes them back to the center for care.
Beat 22: ATTEMPTED MURDER (PAGE 45)
a. J. throws darts as she considers the situation.
b. P. joins her. He tells her that he thinks her life is in danger.
c. J. thinks he’s over-reacting. But she secretly likes the idea of danger.
d. P. wants to know if there is anyone who she thinks might want her dead.
e. J. is insulted by the insinuations that she thinks P. is making. She will find out what is going on without his help.
Beat 23: June finds poison.
a. Major Perkins brings J. a favorite candy. He has found them in his room with a note from P. asking him to take them to her as a peace offering. They are poisoned.
b. J takes the candy to P.
c. P. denies sending them.
d. P. announces that he is right, someone is trying to kill J.
e. J. confirms that he is correct and that someone is trying to frame him for her murder.
Act 3: How to Catch a Killer
Beat 24: June has an appointment with Mattie
a. M. is able to get J. to talk about what is going on. They are interrupted by something before J. can tell her what they suspect.
b. M. remains concerned and supportive but asks a lot of questions. She slips in saying that it is amazing that J. wasn’t killed as her assumption was that J. would go into the ice house because of P.’s claustrophobia.
c. The interruption is something that spurs J. to tell P. about Eloise’s past.
d. P. arranges that he and J. have an excursion. He gets Markus to take them to any clandestine gambling houses around.
Beat 25: Eloise is found!
a. P & J find Eloise at the crap tables. She owes big.
b. P. pays her debt and they leave.
c. Back at the center, P. interrogates Eloise and upsets her.
d. J. gets frustrated with his insensitivity and tells him off.
e. J. interrogates Eloise in a more gentle friendly manner and discovers that she was drugged and when she woke up, she was at the house where she could gamble. She didn’t think they’d miss her.
Beat 26: J & P regroup to see what they know
a. P. creates a “crime” board on the back of his vanity mirror. He invites J. to his room to disucss what they know and what they don’t know.
b. J. is too caught up in the puzzle to be snarky. She realizes that everyone around them has some secret.
c. P. suggests that they divide up the residents and the staff and take them on one at a time.
d. With P. so efficient, J. doubts her ablilities.
Beat 27: June has another appointment with Mattie.
a. In chatting with Mattie, J. asks questions about the job at PT. She is interested in knowing more about Frances.
b. M. accidently drops a huge clue that J. doesn’t catch. Mattie is very good with chemicals, particularly poisons. She gets defensive about everyone having something to hide. She makes an excuse and ends the session early. We won’t get this clue until the very end.
Beat 28: INVESTIGATION OF THE CENTER (PAGE 60)
a. J. looks into the movements of the Countess, the Riddles and Major Perkins.
b. P. looks into the movements of Markus, Anne and Frances.
Beat 29: J. discovers that P. is Aunt Lily.
a. J. goes to P.’s room and he is not there. She grabs a piece of paper to write a note and discovers that he is anut Lily. She decides it is of no consequence.
Beat 30: Retracing their steps, the sleuths discover that they both seem to have been brought to Shady Acres through the recommendation of a friend of a friend.
a. J. wonders why Shady Acres for both of them. Were they led there for a purpose.
b. P. wonders why Frances would be killed if the intent was to harm both of them. Decides he must look back into his past. It is obviously someone who is connected to one of his past cases.
c. J. is not convinced. Why kill a PT? She believes that is the key to the mystery.
Beat 31: June has another appointment with Mattie and asks more questions.
a. June tries to find out more about Mattie.
b. Mattie tells J. that she lost her mother at an early age. Is vague about her past.
Beat 32: June hatches a plan to fool the killer into revealing who they are. She has her suspicions.
a. June hatches a plan by which she will appear to have died. June has a wonderful knowledge of chemistry and knows of a potion she can make which will make her appear dead. With her out of the way, the killer’s plan will fall though.
Beat 33: June shares her plan with Percival.
a. She plans to tell him her suspicions, but when he tells her “no” she decides to keep them to herself.
b. Percival is totally against her planned “death.” He lists the ways it could go wrong. No, his little grey cells have been working. That’s all they need.
c. June leaves frustrated but is determined.
Beat 34: June puts her plan into action.
a. Via blackmail, J. elicits the help of Major Perkins, the Countess and Mrs. Riddle.
b. P. holds up in his room, letting his little grey cells work. They keep coming back to Frances” murder. Why??
Beat 35: June dies at tea.
a. June keels over on the table. Major Perkins pronounces her dead.
b. P. tries to stop them from moving the body but Major Perkins insists. They move the body to the sofa.
Beat 36: Anne moves everyone out except Percival.
a. Percival talks with June, tells her that he wishes she would have let him help her. He sees her book on the table and places it in her folded hands. For when she wakes up.
Act 4: Oh No You Don’t!
Beat 37: Mattie is exposed (Page 90)
a. Mattie enter carrying a cup of tea which she gives to Percival. She encourages him to drink it. And is supportive but rather cagey.
b. P. drinks the tea.
c. Mattie watches him finish the tea.
d. He tells Mattie that June is just drugged. That it was a misplaced attempt to out Frances’ killer.
e. Mattie tells him that she switched the powders and that June took a lethal dose of digitalis instead. June is dead.
f. P. asks her why.
g. Mattie tells him about her mother and that Aunt Lily is to blame. She tells him the story and why June had to die.
h. P. tells her that June is not Aunt Lily.
i. Mattie says one of them is so they both must be punished. She’s called the police and they’re on their way. But in his grief of what he has done to his friend, he will take his own life. To ensure this happens, the tea she gave him contained poison.
j. P. is beside himself with guilt and pain. June was his friend. She was right and he wouldn’t listen. Now they are both doomed.
Beat 38: June saves the day!
a. Mattie tells P. good-bye and goes to leave.
b. June springs up, heaves the Beryl Markum book across the room, clocks Mattie in the head and knocks her out.
c. P. is ecstatic. He calls J. a hero.
d. J. fills in the bits about Aunt Lily that Mattie left out, painting the whole picture of her sorry tale.
e. Percival attempts to move the conversation away from Aunt Lily.
f. June tells him that she has seen his notebook.
g. P. is embarrassed and unsure.
h. The police arrive and are brought in. They arrest Mattie.
Beat 39: The others are filled in over roast beef and Yorkshire pudding.
a. Everyone asks P. to tell them what happened. He starts to, then defers to J.
b. J. tells the tale but twists the circumstances so that no one knows that Percival is Aunt Lily.
c. P. is approached by the people he investigated and they are assured their secrets are safe with both himself and June.
d. J. is approached by the people he investigated and they are assured their secrets are safe with both herself and Percival.
Beat 40: The final scene.
a. P. leaves ready to get started on his next adventure. He invites J. to join him.
b. J. is not sorry to leave but reluctantly leaves P’s company. She tells him she won’t join him. She has her own adventures to look forward to.
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Linda Anderson’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision for your success from this program:
Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that adding specific lead character actions tightens up the story and makes the transformational arc more visible.
Posting Beats: I’m not posting the beat sheet in this assignment. It’s too long and detailed now with so many ideas that came through. It will continue changing and getting better. May post it later in this process.
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WIM – Module 4, Lesson 5 – Kevin Patrick Goulet’s
CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS. 7.27.22
FINDING DOCTOR FUNK (The Vince Guaraldi Story).
Pianist VINCE GUARALDI, originator of the LINUS AND LUCY thematic music for Charles Schulz PEANUTS Animated television specials- lived a far, too brief 47 years. This is his story.
MY VISION: Develop successful screenplay writing method which helps me create complete screenplays- viewed as PRO, story-telling level quality leading to sales, production and more screenwriting opportunities. Rinse and repeat, many times over.
WHAT I LEARNED: …have (create) plenty of choices for the character to make/take, be involved in- throughout the arc of their character’s journey in the story. This will also create more opportunity for the actor to improvise off of various moments in the script. Not every beat is here but I will come back to this and continue to fill in where needed.
Beats: Vince Guaraldi
Distraught- a confused child (abandonment issues).
Him nervously rising-up to challenges…
As the Competitor- with anyone in music.
Plans to get even/prove his father (others) wrong…
Vince struggling to surpass other’s/his own expectations.
Beats: Vincent Dellaglio
Sloppy- as in ‘sloppy drunk’, a lot of the time.
He Rebels- against his position as head of a family.
A prideful man full with anger- (torment) for not being welcomed after his desertion.
He is aloof with son Vince. Mostly though- unable to connect with the boy.
Vincent is a denier- of all that with which he disagrees; regretful in his final days.
Beats: Carmella Guaraldi
The Healer: of her/her son Vince’s wounds.
The Fighter- She will be the struggling Provider.
The Caregiver- the thoughtful guardian.
The Warrior- a vigilant protector of her son.
The Professor- A stalwart Educator -to the very end, ever encouraging Vince’s fulfillment of his dreams.
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Genre: Drama/Bio-Pic. (Present-Past approach)
ACT 1:
• Summer 1932: VINCE (age 4) lying on a throw rug in his Mom’s house/family room listening to music of the day (1932): Dizzy Gillespie, Duke Ellington, Irving Berlin, Artie Shaw on an old standup (large piece of furniture) radio.
• Vince sees parents’ combustible marriage imploding.
• Vince’s Father VINCENT: walks out, abandoning the family.
Mother CARMELLA ex-communicated from Church/Parish because of divorce from first husband Vincent Dellaglio.
Young Vince is expelled from the Parish’s Catholic Grade School because of his Mother’s ‘sins’.
Vince’s Mother Carmella remarries a man named TONY GUARALDI who -though he adopts and gives Vince his last name ‘Guaraldi’- all but ignores the boy. The marriage falters and ultimately fails soon. Vince will be ‘raised’ primarily by Carmella and her Mom, GRANDMA ‘BIDDY’ (Jennifer).
Vince’s Professional musician UNCLES’ JOE & ‘MUZZY’
MARCELLINO start coming around a whole lot more often. They are a very good influence on Vince/his interest in music.
(‘Jump to’) — Winter, 1964. San Francisco, CA: Vince Guaraldi now at his best, head-lining at SF Jazz Club.• (Simultaneously)- TV Producer LEE MENDELSON hears Guaraldi song “Cast Your Fate to the Wind” on cab car radio.
• Cab driver informs Lee Mendelson “that’s Dr. Funk” … just happens to be playing in the city that night … Mendelson has cabbie rush him to Club- Mendelson walks in, sees Vince -aka- ‘Doctor Funk’ – ‘owning the room’, the crowd, completely into his music!
INCITING INCIDENT:
• [Still 1964] – Lee introduces himself to Vince during a ‘Set’ break, tells VG how much ‘he loves “Cast Your Fate…” wants Vince to compose music for the upcoming, CHARLES SCHULZ PEANUTS Special, (heretofore a newspaper comic strip only) animated program for broadcast television.
TURNING POINT 1:
• [‘back to’… (logic jump?)] – June 1946 – Vince wins H.S. Talent contest 1st prize; what will be his first real paying ‘gig’ (VG a graduating High School Senior) Summer resort/commissioned ‘gig’ in Yosemite… 1946!
And just as quickly, Vince receives draft papers for the Korean War- deploys in September, 1946.
ACT 2:
• Drafted: Korean War- September, 1946.
Vince Is a Cook in the Army.
He locates an old piano on the base, forms a pick-up band. Vince Is a Cook in the Army.
Stuck in the Mess Hall as a ‘Cook’, Vince manages to entertain fellow troops w/pickup band. Even plays for GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR (who helps get Vince out of Korea to pursue Musical ambitions).
20 yr. old Vince returns from Korean War, 1948. He enrolls in music study at S.F. State (short lived).• Struggles through part-time jobs… (1949)
Meets RALPH GLEASON- gets a Job at the San Francisco Chronicle as a ‘Printer’s Devil’ – handles sheets of newsprint on the giant machine basement of building… Vince nearly looses a finger.
Estranged Father Vincent offers Vince job as an assistant mason (brick-layer).
Vince watches the great Jazz musicians at area night clubs,studying their every move.
One night a band member (piano player) ‘no shows’ at a club where Vince is watching from the ‘front row’.
Vince is recognized by the band leader… gets the ‘nod’ from band leader to ‘sit-in’.
Club owner is impressed with Vince’s playing, recommends Vince for a gig at another place… An even bigger club.• Vince hears ‘bigger club gig’ :: thinks he’s off to the races!
Turns out Vince’s ‘bigger club gig’ will be playing piano in the ‘lobby’ of a night club patrons hang out there for a short time before going in to see the real (main) act at the club. His job: covering standards of the day.
Here, Vince will be paid the off-handed ‘compliment’ from the
CLUB OWNER – about a particular tune he just finishes playing…: “Hey Kid- you’re playing that one almost as good as the guy who made it famous… ha ha!” …which is a tremendous light bulb moment for Vince.
This incident begins Vince’s true ascent into world of
professional music.
Moving forward Vince really ’gets-to-work’ at becoming a
professional musician.
Vince putting in his time playing when & where ever; some are
decent, some are dumps: college campus halls/students, the dingy clubs/last guy to play at 2am after stripper’s show end. (…montage…?)• Vince dating life with SHIRLEY MOSKOWITZ…
• Vince and Shirley marry – Feb. 1, 1953.
Vince playing gigs on the road, up and down the coast, different parts of the country.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT:
Vince gets first big break Break: Established latin Jazz musician CAL TJADER makes an offer to Vince; brings Vince onboard as his Pianist.
1959 MONTEREY JAZZ FESTIVAL – Cal Tjader’s Quintet. With Cal, BUDDY DEFRANCO (Clarinet), MONGO SANTAMARIA (Congos), WILLIE BOBO (Timbales) and Vince Guaraldi on piano.
Ralph Gleason renowned Jazz columnist of ‘The San Francisco Chronicle’ takes an interest in local Bay Area sensation, Vince Guaraldi.• Vince cuts a few record Albums…
Vince Guaraldi Wins the GRAMMY (1963) for best original composition, CAST YOUR FATE TO THE WIND”; but is locked out of Hollywood Award ceremony: he had no tuxedo!
ACT 3:
1962 (?) Gretchen Katamay enters the bar -and Vince’s Life.
Vince plays Monterey Jazz Festival with Cal Tjader – brings the house down.
About this time- Children- (Son) DAVID and (daughter) DIA are born; early/mid 1960’s
Vince’s Grammy Winning song -Cast Your Fate To The Wind- is heard by Television Producer LEE MENDELSON, who then ‘finds’ Guaraldi playing a live gig in S.F. area club… offers VG the PEANUTS Music gig.
Vince meets LEE MENDELSON (scene) -offer to compose score for TV special.TURNING POINT 3:
• Guaraldi composes ‘Linus and Lucy’
Vince plays LINUS AND LUCY over the telephone for LeeMendelson. Mendelson “No” but Vince insists worried he’ll forget it. Mendelson loves the song quips, ‘’it’s going to be very special’’.
CBS brass harshly criticize Guaraldi’s completed musical contributions to “A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS” animated television special at screening a week before network debut.
Brass are soon embarrassed beyond reproach by how wrong they were and how ‘off-the-charts’ successful • Animated special is… How ‘well received’ Grammy Winner Guaraldi’s music is in the public eye.
Shirley files for divorce, April 1966. … • Shirley files for divorce a second time, June 1968. … • Shirley & Vince’s divorce finalized, December 1970.ACT 4:
• Porsche 356’s (Vince & drummer JERRY GRANELLI) rippin’ through the streets of San Francisco!
While Vince recognizes and enjoys the Rock-n-Roll, he
discusses ‘the British Invasion’ -cites it as the ‘nail-in-the- coffin‘ of (then) modern Jazz, while talking with His band- mates.
Vince goes another direction with his music, instrument choices… (Electric Piano, electric guitar, electric bass)…
Vince creates altogether different sound (a twist) on/to his compositions (he is a true Artist in that regard)…
Vince- though his desire is to stay current ‘in the times’ musically, and one day write (radio) industry jazz standards -not (just) hits- never leaves him.ACT 4 CLIMAX:
’Set’ break at Club where Vince is performing. Vince’s Father Vincent- bragging to some younger ladies about his now famous, very successful Son.
Vince approaches, confronts his Father, who then tries to ‘make nice’ / give impression He and Vince are close. Vince will have none of it; tells his father to get the fuck out of ‘his’ Club.• Vince’s Father Vincent (Story Antagonist) dies 1971.
Resolution:
Menlo Park, CA – Jazz Club ‘BUTTERFIELD’S’ Feb. 6,1976. • Oddly, the very last song Vince ever plays is in public; THE BEATLES ‘Eleanor Rigby’.
After the song ends, Vince walks over to the adjacent RED COTTAGE INN (hotel).
There he and the band have a room (standard fare) where they can stretch out, relax in between sets. On this night -during the ‘Set’ break, Vince walks across the boys’ hotel… collapses and dies from a fatal heart attack.EPILOGUE: 2024 –
Current day Jazz musicians WYNTON MARSALIS, GEORGE WINSTON, DAVID BENOIT celebrate the music of Vince: playing Vince Guaraldi’s Jazz Standard, ‘Linus and Lucy’.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Kevin Patrick Goulet.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by
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Linda’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision is: I will do whatever it takes to be a sought-after profound writer with many successful movies produced and an Oscar on my mantel.
What I learned doing this assignment is looking at the actions of each main character separately allowed me to see places where I could take actions that created deeper meaning.
Act 1: Joaquin is summoned to cartel HQ and subject to anonymous threats against him and his family.
Joaquin PJ 1: Joaquin is working in a drug factory and underhandedly puts the nasty leader in his place / uses something he does against him / audience knows what he did, but characters don’t. Dante comes for him and his family – summoned by the drug lord to cartel headquarters.
Dante RJ 1: A friend of Joaquin’s warns him that going with Dante means death. Dante executes the friend.
Dante RJ 2: At Joaquin’s rundown home. Dante is taken aback by Isabel’s beauty (Joaquin’s daughter) and Joaquin makes her cover up.
Deeper Layer: Dante is the heir apparent to be drug lord and red herring to who is terrorizing Joaquin’s family.
Dante RJ 3: Tomas (Joaquin’s son) is taking target practice when they arrive to get him. Dante watches him shoot, he repeatedly hits the target.
Deeper Layer: Tomas will defy his father and seek to join the cartel.
Joaquin PJ 2: Camila, Joaquin’s wife is fearful. Joaquin warns his children to do what he taught them, keep their heads down. Has Tomas memorize the number of a distant cousin across the border and to call him if anything happens to Joaquin. Indicates to Tomas that he will sacrifice himself if need be.
Deeper Layer: Joaquin will need the help of the distant cousin.
Arturo AJ 1: Arturo greets them at HQ. Intrigue between him and Camila – they have a history. Doesn’t like how she looks at her husband with love, admiration and fear for him. Arturo catches Dante unable to keep his eyes off Isabel. Remarks that she looks just like Camila did at her age – hard for a man to walk away from that. Remarks that he hears Tomas is ambitious and wants to prove himself to the cartel.
Deeper Layer: Arturo is in love with Camila. They dated until he started rising in the cartel and showed his true colors. Arturo blames Joaquin and believes he can win back Camila if he proves Joaquin is no better than him.
Joaquin PJ 3: Dante escorts them to their accommodations. On the wall, “you won’t be protected forever, Joaquin.” Dante promises he’ll find out who did it.
Inciting Incident: Rodrigo, the drug lord, announces he is dying and there is a competition for his succession starting at sun up. He made a promise to Joaquin’s father – who was Rodrigo’s bodyguard for years and died protecting him – that he’d protect him. No longer possible from the grave, but brought him here to introduce him to competitors so he can secure a good position in the new organization.
Deeper Layer: Joaquin is going to compete.
Joaquin PJ 4: In front of Arturo, Rodrigo puts Joaquin down for not being strong enough to lead, he had hoped he could be his successor, but not possible, not ruthless. Rodrigo plays a recorded newscast – Maritza Montoya, director of border patrol, reporting they killed Rodrigo’s son, his only family, a drug smuggler, and confiscating the biggest shipment of drugs into the US. That got Maritza promoted from working the border to director. Rodrigo got revenge – he ordered hit on her son and Arturo killed him (this is why Rodrigo lets him get away with violating cartel rules during his hallucination’s). That’s what this job takes to protect the cartel. Joaquin takes the criticism on the chin. Learns something about his competitors.
Arturo AJ 3: Arturo prods Joaquin to get mad at Rodrigo and enter the competition to show him what he can do. Joaquin is smart in how he answers/doesn’t answer. Tomas comes along and Arturo flips out, has a hallucination and almost kills him.
Deeper Layer: Arturo is going to do everything he can to get Joaquin to enter the competition. Only way Joaquin can protect himself and his family is if he wins the competition and becomes drug lord.
Arturo AJ 4: Uses the underground tunnels to get in the residence to watch Camila without her seeing him.
Joaquin PJ 5: Kids tell Joaquin Camila saw a figure in the house while she was taking a bath. Joaquin sets a trap in the tunnel – nails into the stairs/railing. While down there he hears Dante and has to hide.
Joaquin PJ 6: An old friend tells Joaquin they are all in trouble – Dante will likely win and he is brutal; Luis, his brother will rape every woman in the community; Arturo is a wild card and they’d always have to be on-guard b/c of his hallucinations. Begs him to talk to Rodrigo and get him to appoint a less threatening drug lord.
Dante RJ 4: Joaquin stumbles into a conversation between Dante and Tomas about joining the cartel. Joaquin tells Tomas he’s been working on a plan to get him into college in the US. Tomas doesn’t want to go, get into a fight and he lashes out at his dad – how can he expect Tomas to leave when he never left himself.
Arturo AJ 5: An anonymous letter is delivered to Isabel telling her when he wins, he’ll take her as his wife. Arturo is out of town and it sounds like Dante wrote the letter.
Deeper Layer: Arturo is luring Joaquin into the competition by making him fearful of Dante, while also avoiding Camila knowing that he is the one terrorizing her family.
Joaquin P6: Joaquin seeks information about the point system and competitors. He tells Rodrigo he is entering the competition. Rodrigo declares it’s a death sentence.
TP 1: Joaquin enters the competition to become the next drug lord.
ACT 2: Joaquin struggles with his morals as he tries to navigate the competition without crossing lines he can’t live with.
Dante RJ 5: Dante kills two of the biggest local threats to their drug trade, generating the first big points of the competition.
Joaquin PJ 7: Camila begs Joaquin to back out of the competition – he can’t win because he won’t compromise his morals.
Arturo AJ 6: In the cantina, Dante stops talking as Joaquin walks by. Arturo taunts Joaquin by questioning what Dante is hiding, mentioning his interest in Isabel. Warns him that if anyone else wants to win, they will have to kill Dante.
Joaquin PJ 8: Joaquin blows up a competing cartel’s drug lab (in middle of the night when no one is there – maintaining his morals) gaining his first points. At the same time, Rodrigo is pissed so only a few points cause now they’re going to be targets of the other cartel. But Joaquin made it look like another cartel did it.
Arturo AJ 7: Arturo has a hallucination and wrecks havoc among the community. Joaquin stops him, but in the process almost gets himself killed.
Deeper Level: Joaquin is going to make Arturo think his hallucinations are getting worse and he’s losing it.
Joaquin tells his “friend” he’d rather Dante win than Arturo and his best move would be to bribe the other competitors to join his team rather than compete against him. Swears him to secrecy about what he said.
Dante RJ 6: The “friend” betrays his confidence and tells Dante who convinces competitors to drop out and he’ll give them promotions in his organization when he takes over. Going to increase drug production in his facilities to gain more points.
Joaquin PJ 9: Rodrigo summons Joaquin. Is pissed more of his crew aren’t racking up points – for his infamy they all need to participate. Wants to know if Joaquin knows why, which he does, but he doesn’t want to tell Rodrigo b/c it helps him limit the number of competitors.
Arturo AJ 8: Camila asks Arturo about Dante, is afraid for her daughter. Arturo feeds into her fear – he takes what he wants and no one will stop him.
Dante RJ 7 and Arturo AJ 8: The big board of points is updated and Dante and Arturo are way ahead of Joaquin.
Arturo AJ 10: Arturo conspires with one of his men to force Joaquin to cross his moral boundaries.
Mid-Point: Joaquin is backed into a corner and must kill or be killed. He makes his first kill and more points.
ACT 3: Joaquin battles to win points.
Arturo AJ 11: Arturo makes sure Camila knows Joaquin committed murder.
Joaquin PJ 11: Joaquin sees Luis sexually harass Isabel, which Arturo set up – he wants Dante and Luis out of the competition so if they can kill each other or Joaquin kills them, he doesn’t care.
Joaquin PJ 12: Joaquin follows Luis, finds he is in bed with the neighboring cartel. Kills him and other cartel members. Earning significant points and seemingly making him a bigger target of Dante’s.
Deeper Layer: Dante hated his brother.
Rodrigo is confined to bed, going downhill. News of the competition and his infamy is spreading. Maritza speaks of it, says he is a coward for wanting to take people to the grave with him just so they’ll talk about him. She refuses to speak his name, which pisses him off. Throws his plate at the TV shattering it. Joaquin attempts to clean up the plate, but he orders his nurse to do it. Lectures Joaquin that to be a leader in the cartel you must demand respect from everyone else.
Dante RJ 8 & Arturo AJ 9: Stakes are raised as Joaquin is a serious threat to win. They take more brutal actions regaining the lead. Joaquin underhandedly make them think they each are going to kill each other if they win so they will take each other out.
Joaquin PJ 13: Tells his family he knows what he needs to do to win but has to leave town to execute it. Tells Tomas his father wanted him to leave the cartel, but he was too scared, they fought about it the day his father was killed. It was his fault his father was distracted. Tomas is right, he’s always been too afraid, but he’s not anymore, he’s fighting to get his family out.
Joaquin PJ 14: Distant cousin arranged help for him to get across the border.
Joaquin PJ 15: Joaquin crosses paths with smugglers and gets caught in the chase through an underground tunnel. Firing at him.
Joaquin PJ 16: Distant cousin calls to say Joaquin never made it to his house. She didn’t know he was going to US. Tries to reach him, but no answer.
Arturo AJ 12: Arturo conspiring with his team to find and kill Joaquin. Camila comes into the scene, sees his hands are bloody and realizes it’s been him all along.
Arturo AJ 13: Camila warns kids to be careful of Arturo and to keep their ears open like their father always taught them. Tomas wants to kill him. Camila says she’ll take care of it and not to worry.
Joaquin PJ 17: Rodrigo announces he’s cutting competition short: 24 hours he will announce the winner. Arturo is winning.
ACT 4: The final showdown and announcement of the new drug lord
Joaquin PJ 18: Camila tries desperately to get in touch with Joaquin, but no response. Inquiring of others – tells them he went to US – no one has heard from him.
Arturo AJ 13: Camila makes a deal with the devil and sleeps with Arturo to save her husband from his wrath.
Dante RJ 9: Dante surges ahead of Arturo.
Joaquin PJ 19: In a migrant detention center. Director of border patrol enters.
Arturo AJ 12: In one of his “hallucinations,” Arturo kills Dante in a safe zone.
Arturo AJ 13: Camila stumbles upon the aftermath of Arturo killing Dante and realizes he’s been faking the hallucinations. Texts Joaquin this information.
Deeper Layer Reveal: Learn that Arturo has been faking the hallucinations.
Arturo AJ 14: Arturo tells Camila he’s learned that Joaquin is dead and he is there to comfort her. She doesn’t know what to believe, but if he’s dead, she believes Arturo killed him. Arturo insists Dante did it and promises to take care of her and her children.
Joaquin PJ 20: Camila leaves Joaquin a message. We need you.
Joaquin P 21: Rodrigo is about to announce the winner is Arturo when Joaquin bursts in. You’re going to want to reconsider your decision – he shows Rodrigo a photo of the US director of border patrol dead. Pride on Rodrigo’s face but asks his team for confirmation.
Joaquin PJ 22 and Arturo 15: As team confirms US news report that the woman is dead and Joaquin left a note that he killed her in honor of Rodrigo, Joaquin tells Arturo he knows he’s been stalking his family. Arturo tells him Camila came to him, slept with him, has always loved him and how will she see Joaquin if he kills him? Joaquin makes eye contact with his wife, a knife in his heart.
Joaquin PJ 23: Rodrigo hands Joaquin a gun and for his last order, he orders him to kill him. Joaquin orders all the women and children out so they don’t have to see it. He kills them, then fires at other leading competitors, including Arturo who goes down.
Joaquin PJ 24: Orders everyone else out. A woman walks in from the back with a hood, leans down to Arturo and drops her hood. Stands up and says to Joaquin: “What’s our next move?”
Deeper Layer Reveal: Joaquin has outwitted the cartel and still maintains some of his morals.
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Edward Brown character actions
write, sell, rejoice and sail
I learned take each character and install actions. On my wall board
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Jacqueline Murphy Character Actions Les 5 August 17, 2022 & Beat Sheet August 16, 2022
VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.
What I learned from doing this assignment action of main characters: AJ/PJ and triangle helped to deliver on what they were doing and help fill in missing logic or story in the film. Reviewing how “interesting” I can make the action also helped when I went back to look at the character profiles, attractors etc.
Genre Drama/Thriller SORCERESS OF HOLLYWOOD
Act 1 Olivia’s mom dies giving her a family heirloom- a kaleidoscope which is the only thing Olivia knows about her real father. Olivia meets and makes a deal with a powerful Sorcerer
ACTION: OLIVIA triggered by the loss of her mom goes all out with her one woman show and her major film role but finds only rejection. Olivia meets the handsome Sorcerer and decides it’s time to go drastic!
Oliva PJ 1: Olivia’s mom dies leaving her with a “kaleidoscope” a gift from the father she never knew and tells Olivia “Now is your time to go for your dreams, like the kaleidoscope you can change what you look at!!”
Deeper Layer 1: Olivia decides now’s the time and her childhood wound of never knowing her dad, rejection as an actress and loss of her mom is fueling her decisions.
O PJ 2: After another failed audition Olivia meets her BBF Angelica, a psychic and intuitive healer for her yearly birthday lunch and tarot reading. But today Angelica refuses to read O’s cards and tells her to appreciate how beautiful her life is now.
ACTION: When A refuses to read O’s tarot card to “protect” her, Olivia makes a Faustian deal with the Mr. Z to “time travel” by trading the “kaleidoscope” and her ability to return to the real world. **Here we see O’s ability to think out of the box, use all she has to “work” the situation, how desperate she is for stardom and what an adventuress risktaker she is.
Angelica Action: Refuses to read cards to protect Olivia and keep her romantic love for her a secret and O close.
Mr. Z AJ 1: They’re interrupted by Mr. Z a sorcerer who seduces her with an offer to “time travel” her and have her dream to be a big movie star has tried for years to make it in Hollywood and hit walls
Deeper Layer 1: Z AJ: With the death of Olivia’s mom the “magic” portal is open for a short time and NOW is Z’s chance to get his power back, especially since Olivia has no idea she has a “genetic talent” for magic. Z seduces her by “time travel” her to OH dimension with visions of stardom in 1940’s Hollywood and finding her long lost father.
Z ACTION: He runs interference between Olivia and her BBF by reading “tarot cards” as he tells O, Angelica is keeping you for herself. Z seduces and tempts O to sell her soul for fame.
Angelica Triangle J(TJ) 1 & ACTION: Angelica warns Olivia about Z
Deeper Layer: Angelica has an “inkling” about how dangerous Mr. Z is and has a secret romantic love for Olivia. Angelica wants to keep O close to control her in a different way but is bereft when Olivia goes for her dream.
Inciting Incident: Olivia makes the deal with Mr. Z leaving her protective friend Angelica and her life behind to be a Movie Star in 1940’s Hollywood and to search for her roots and her dad. The Deal: Olivia must “trade” the kaleidoscope and agree to never return to the “real world”.
Mr. Z AJ 2: Mr. Z needs Olivia to be in the OHD to steal her power and the kaleidoscope to change the “world view” of who he is and be “Ruler of the Throne”
Z ACTION: Romancing O with sealing the deal with a “kiss” he time travels her giving her the dream of being a movie star
A ACTION: Sits back hoping Olivia will see things for herself.
Olivia PJ 3: Olivia accepts Mr. Z’s offer and goes for her dream
In the 1940’s Old Hollywood Dimension (OHD) Z gives Olivia her dream of being a Movie star and “trades” her the kaleidoscope for fame and commits to never go back to the Real world.
Deeper Layer: Olivia has no idea what traded away in her desire for fame and to find her dad.
OLIVIA ACTION: Headstrong, driven by fame and falling in love with Z takes a Risk and adventures to OHD. OLIVIA is all in and goes fully for her stardom dream trading the last valuable thing she owns.
TURNING POINT: Olivia is enjoying her fame in the OHD but she’s hurtled into danger and a fish out water there. Everyone wants a piece of her. The Studio head plays with her by giving her part to “Starlet” a younger “All about Eve” competitor, Davey Haze the Mafia Club owner has a “fancy” for Olivia and Z has allowed O’s addicted boyfriend Billy to enter the OHD causing havoc and a PR disaster for Olivia as Billy gambles her money and “sets” her up to be beholden to Davey. Olivia starts an affair with the powerful Oscar winning Taylor Desmond thinking he can protect her and control the Mafia and studio but the tables are turned and it’s yet another PR mess.
ACTION: Sweetly Seductive and Crafty Olivia uses her “acting and people reading skills” to figure out how to survive and “Best work the room” in this OHD to get what she desires: Stardom and power.
Deeper Layer: Olivia is worse off, feels like a big failure and considers going back home after seeing that the grass isn’t always greener.
Z AJ 3: Z watches the “show” and knows exactly what’s he’s doing by keeping Olivia off balance but making sure she has “stardom” while keep her off his desire for her power. He tries to “broker” a deal with Wanda Fish the Head Goddess and find the creator.
Deeper Layer: Z wants what he feels is his: Power to Rule OHD and will do anything to get it.
ACTION Z: Z enjoys being the “puppeteer” playing with Olivia but is falling for her kind heart, fun ways and gumption. He’s seduced by her performance and charm and gets jealous of her other male suitors. He enjoys being a trickster and making problems for all as a form of entertainment and control.
ACT 2
OLIVIA ACTION: Olivia plays the game with the powerful OHD men.
MIDPOINT: Olivia ventures out into the OHD meeting a homeless woman-Wanda Fish- who helps her find her families cemetery. In this “sacred place of the dead” the OHD renders them invisible and Z can’t follow. Wanda reveals she is Head of the Goddess Coven that protects the dimensions creator-Olivia’s father and tells Olivia she has hidden magical talents and is the NEXT RULER! but must give up her stardom.
OLIVIA ACTION: A self-starting hardworking survivor Olivia is alert to opportunites and decides to search for her father on her home at the OHD cemetery. Her empathetic and kind heart causes her to “help” a homeless woman who transforms into Wanda Fish, the Head of the Goddess Coven who offers to mentor Olivia in magic. Curious, risk-taking Olivia goes for it accepting so she can be more in control of her “personal power” and not ready to give up the Ring of Stardom!
Angelica Triangle J(TJ) 2 & ACTION: Angelica missing her “true love” uses her “crystal ball” and sees that Olivia is floundering. Angelica tries to “broker a deal” to keep her identity hidden with “Wanda Fish”, the Head Goddess to help but Wanda has her own agenda: To keep O in the OHD because Olivia is the only woman who can rule and Z the only man that are direct descendent’s of the man who created OHD.
ANGELICA ACTION: uses her “crystal ball” and sees that her “True Love” Olivia is floundering. Angelica unsuccessfully tries to “broker a deal” to keep her identity hidden with “Wanda Fish”
Deeper Layer: Angelica misses Olivia and is looking for a reason to give the Head Goddess Wanda to let her back into the OHD.
Olivia PJ 4: Intrigued Olivia agrees to go along with and meet the Coven of Goddess’s and see what this magical dimension is.
Deeper Layer: Olivia desperately wants to know how and why her dad created this OHD, who she is and her role. She’s tempted with having it all: stardom, ruler and to get a handle on this dangerous OH dimension.
Olivia ACTION: Secretly meets with the coven and practices her magic while trying to work the OHD to her vision for stardom. They warn her of Z’s desire for her power but she defends him.
Deeper Layer Wanda: She has to keep Olivia in the OHD as O is the only WOMAN who can rule and Z is the only MAN.
Z AJ 4 Z senses something is off with Olivia not being at the club starts to follow Olivia and sniff around.
Deeper Layer: At any cost Z must winZ ACTION: Z follows Olivia to see what she’s up to and realizes he’s losing power as Olivia gains magically powers
ACT 3
Angelica time travels to OHD to “save” Olivia. Telling O to be “true to herself and family and uses Olivia’s twenty year-old niece Norma drug problem to get Olivia back. Olivia tired of being jerked around by everyone “practices her magic” and pleads with Z to send her back to the real world to help Norma. When Z refuses Olivia explodes and her inner power is magnetized as she grabs the “Wheel of Fortune” tarot card from him and is able to travel herself back home.
Angelica Action: Time travels to OHD hints at being an angel to Olivia “I’ve been watching over you” and that Norma is in trouble with drugs and needs her. A. decides to keep her angel identity, love and transgender self a secret from Olivia.
OLIVIA ACTION: Olivia’s love of family causes her to beg Z to return to the real world to help her niece Norma. When he refuses she believes the Coven’s warning of his wanting her power and loses all love for him, seeing him as a manipulative power hungry person who only wants from her. In her RAGE and throws a fit as she magnetizes the magic she’s been working on and time travels herself back to the real world to help Norma.
Deeper Layer: Olivia is disappointed with how all is going and feels she’s sacrificed and left behind her “stardom”.
TURNING POINT Act 3
ACTION: Z and Angelica go back to the real world to get what they need from Olivia. Z needs to get her back to the OH Dimension Angelica wants to keep O in the real world. Z notices Norma wants to be “just like Auntie O-a star”. When O refuses to go back Z opens the portal and Norma time travels to the OHD to be a star. Olivia’s desire for fame and concern for Norma pulls Olivia back to the OHD.
OLIVIA ACTION: Olivia returns to OHD to save Norma but wants to recover the stardom she had and find out more about magic from the coven and find her dad. Olivia is learning to make sacrifices and transforming as a person as learns magic skills.
Olivia PJ 5: Olivia knows she is addicted to fame and “caught” and must go back to OHD save Norma and herself.
Deeper Layer: Olivia’s is addicted to the power and fame she had and is tempted to stay in OHD and make it there as star and ruler. She thinks she can control Norma there.
Upon arriving in OHD Olivia sees Norma is a star, dating a powerful newspaper magnate and refuses to go back with her
Z AJ 5: Z knows the portal is closing and he has to close the deal he lures Norma into the portal to get Olivia to go back.
ACTION Z: LURES Norma into the portal to cause O to back to the OHD so he can finalize stealing her power.
Angelica TJ 3 & ACTION: Angelica knows time is short and she & Z will have a battle of wills. She’ll have to let Olivia know of her “Angelic” powers and that she knew of the OHD dimension and father.
Deeper Layer: Angelica love causes her to want to be by Olivia no matter what. She’ll have to let Olivia know of her “Angelic” powers and that she knew “all along” of the evil Z, OHD dimension and father. Angelica fears losing Olivia’s trust forever.
Z AJ 6 & Z ACTION: Z outsmarts Angelica, Wanda and the coven by promising Olivia an Oscar if she stays but sets up further conflict by having Starlet and Norma nominated as well to keep Olivia off balance.
Deeper layer: Z has to keep Olivia in the OHD for the power to be transferred to him AND keep her from practicing magic and discovering her hidden genetic talent.
OLIVIA ACTION: Olivia tempted, accepts Z’s offer to be nominated for an Oscar in order not to return to the “real world” with Norma and bears the pain of being an “arch rival” of her disregarding niece.
ACT 4
Disappointed in herself and searching for her “true purpose” Olivia visits the family cemetery looking for an answer. The portal almost will close and the power struggle between Z-Evil, Angelica-Good and the Goddess Coven have caused an electrical storm. A huge thunderclap burns a tree and from the smoke Olivia recognizes a man she’s only seen in pictures: Her father. He tells her he’s alive but trapped-hiding under a spell. Her mom’s death opened the life/death portal for a short time. It’s up to Olivia to set him free and save the OHD he created. She must act. Olivia demands Z give her the Kaleidoscope but when he refuses she explodes grabbing it from his neck. A prism of color blinds them all but Olivia can see the different “views”. The father reveals O, Z and A are related but only O has the 100% gene to rule the OHD because she was born in the “real world” understanding both sides now.
CLIMAX:
Z ACTION: Z refuses to give the Kaleidoscope back to Olivia and challenges Olivia to a magic duel to see who rules.
OLIVIA ACTION: While the portal is still open, Olivia must act quickly to set her father free from the spell and get the Kaleidoscope back from Z. Testing fate, her power and the truth of her father’s declaration, the Goddess Coven, and how “real” the OHD is, Olivia fights for the throne.
The thunderstorm is getting worse, a bolt of lightning pierces Olivia’s heart throwing her up in the air where she floats for a minute UNTIL the whole universe shakes releasing power and her father from the spell and causes her mother to appear as the GOLDEN ONE. All bow when they see Olivia’s mom and dad who command Olivia to be the ruler- as her true nature is BALANCE. All get on board and Olivia is crowned “Sorceress of Hollywood” but demands she can be all she dreams off. Angelica and the Goddess are on Olivia’s side
Deeper Layer: Olivia knows and accepts the truth, Z knows he must serve her if he wants to have any power and not be banished again and Angelica is happy to be in her orbit.
RESOLUTION: Olivia decides ALL should be empowered and encouraged to be all they can be as she rules fairly.
Angelica Action: Reveals who she is and Olivia accepts her and takes her into as her right-hand advisor.
Z ACTION: Realizes he has a family and is loved, no longer a cast out he decides it’s better to be part of them and assist Olivia, the OHD and family as it’s protector and try on the role of a “knight in shining armor” vs Evil manipulator. He’s released from the spell.
OLIVIA ACTION:
Olivia transformed by her dad’s pronouncement and the truth, embraces her family and sees the balance of what is needed. “Healed” the road of her true purpose is clear. The truth and the “storm” has changed her and her folly dissolves. Seeing that power and evil destroys, he becomes more authentic, altruistic and decides to assume her role as Ruler. Realizing Love is more important than external desires Olivia is able to rule her kingdom peacefully with love and joy.
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Valeriya’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.
I am great at creating interesting action for my characters.
What I learned from doing this assignment is…
– The problem of the antagonist is the antithesis fueling the second act.
– So starting with the villains makes sense.
– Found an interesting verbal strategy springing from the story itself.
7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?
Act 1 – Rules and relationships
Opening
(AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.)
Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life. Says her life doesn’t matter anyway.
Some people cry.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger. 7 refuses to take orders then changes its mind.
__________
7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7. Benedict gets an idea to use 7 to start the dehumanization project. 7 surprises the boys with its unrobot-like behavior.
__________
Inciting Incident
PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. Benedict and his gang chase 7 for being superior to humans. 7 risks its life to come back for the baby when it has a chance to run.
__________
Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings. 7 finds more and more clever ways to hide and smart ways to protect them.
An evasive flying robot kills people who served the rise of AI. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. A new voice for peace appears in the media. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’s ID. Breaks the law to hide the baby. Lo tries to be like other kids at school.
__________
People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.
Benedict organizes a search for killerbot and missing persons.
7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four. Troubleshooting session.
__________
Lo catches the drones.
Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.
Turning Point
Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether. Benedict leads the way in an eco-friendly fashion (voluntary).
Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots.
Lo wants to be normal. (You are a perfectly normal human being). She tells 7 it would be better if it got recycled because it’s useless.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.
__________
An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date
The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.
PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.
Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that
__________
Benedict advocates for fair trial for all and seizes an opportunity to make the laws for people stricter. The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. Turns on people who betray her once again.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
______________________________
Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)
New plan
7 runs to the boyfriend to ask him for help. Lo appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the recycling program.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling. She gives up.
__________
PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7. 7 finds the way into recycling facility.
Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
__________
Plan in action
AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. She decides to fight for her only friend. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)
They hide. Their relationship get deeper.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
F11 reveals where they are.
TPJ: Turning Point 3: They get caught.
Adversity that will help Lo in the game.
The robot with the wings is after them.
__________
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Stands up for all of them, for alternative thinking. Catches a drone. 7 learns from Lo to be human.
Some people join.
AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot. Suggests very convincing plan.
______________________________
Act 3 – Survival game
Rethink everything
Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)
AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed. At the same time this game must change the reality of people, giving them the rules to live by.
Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.
__________
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.
Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive. Lo comes up with original solutions thanks to her other experiences.
Benedict sets robots up to show how dangerous they are.
They destroy the drones that are watching them.
7 Looks for who is behind all this. 7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.
Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.
Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)
______________________________
Act 4 – The truth
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die, and she is ready to die to save the rest of them.
__________
AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits the society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.
__________
Resolution
Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one. 7 sacrifices itself to give life to Lo.
Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.
PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.
Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.
__________
PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.
Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.
Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.
______________________________
______________________________
______________________________
BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.
Act 1 – Irene summons a monster
Opening
A cat hisses, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed.
AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.
As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.
PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.
Boo makes noises that sounds like audible hallucinations.
Denial Conversation
The way she talks to herself turns into the way she talks to the monster.
Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.
She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).
Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send. She makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work.
Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.
A call. Irene finds her phone in the dark bathroom where the light doesn’t work. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.
Boo steals her phone.
The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene start backing out)
She starts creating a path back to herself.
Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.
Genre: Her cat disappears.
__________
She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.
Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
__________
She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.
__________
Inciting Incident
She sticks the wallpaper.
Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar.
She turns on the TV and it turns off.
The bulbs go off and she has to change them.
Boo creates an experience of death for Irene.
She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.
Looks for the phone, calls the shrink.
__________
PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.
__________
Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company.
__________
Turning Point
Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed.
– Love, relationships and family.
– Career and self-actualisation, prosperity
– Friends, fun, parties
– Health
– Happiness
– Having it all figured out and having it all
– Cozy home with home made comfort food
– Thought she’d achieve more by now
– Nobody likes her or believes in her
AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.
The monster drinks her wine.
Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody — someone breaks dishes in the kitchen, or maybe a jar of pickles explodes.
Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 2 – Run or hide it:
New plan
Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.
Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!
Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…
Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).
Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.
Deeper Layer:
PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.
Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.
The fruits or cake her friend got for her goes bad. Really bad.
Plan in action
Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.
AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.
Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.
She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.
Anger conversation
__________
She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.
PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.
Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.
__________
She hides in the club.
Genre: The monster is in the crowd.
She picks up a guy not to be alone. She choses him because she thinks the monster showed her it wanted that guy.
__________
She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.
__________
He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.
__________
Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.
__________
Sleeps on the train.
__________
Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. He knows her intimately.
Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.
__________
Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).
__________
Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.
__________
Midpoint Turning Point
Boo makes noises in the house — the place is haunted by dreams unrealized.
Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.
______________________________
______________________________
Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:
Rethink everything
Cat food disappears.
She cries and something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.
The knives are out.
Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.
Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.
Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.
New plan
PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.
Bargaining Conversation
__________
Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.
AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.
__________
AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.
Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.
Boo disconnects the video and messes with electricity.
__________
He walks her back to her place.
Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.
__________
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift
Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.
Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.
She is the one hiding under the bed.
Depression Conversation
She misunderstands the signs the monster gives her.
Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.
__________
Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.
PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.
______________________________
Act 4 – Monsters united:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict
Irene calms the monster down. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.
AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.
Acceptance conversation
She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.
Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.
She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).
Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.
The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.
Resolution
Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.
Boo gives her something she needed in the beginning.
The content of the monster:
– Oil pain tubes
– Dirty brushes
– Sunglasses
– Balloons and gift wrappers
– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”
– Shiny party dress (scales)
– Pages of sketches
– Seashells
– Coins
– Flowers
– Valentines
– Marshmallow
– Guitar strings
– Pool balls and puzzle pieces
– Sparkles
– Bicycle ring
– Rollerblades
– Christmas lights
– Headphones
– Postcards
– String of party lights
__________
Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.
__________
Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.
__________
She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.
__________
She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.
PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams that she neglected
AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.
There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.
She has an amazing smile, radiant, strong, confident, pleasant.
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KRISTIN’S CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS!
VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”
CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.
WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: I have been thinking through “ideas” or “feelings” instead of action. I don’t feel like I’ve nailed this yet, but definitely made significant changes on this round!
ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE
PJ 1: ACTION: Pete and X are hanging on a cliff, each holding onto a rope (not in climbing harness, etc.) tied off to a rock above. They are chipping out a fossil from exposed rock—and as it comes loose, Pete dives to catch it. Both he and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down, but X catches his clothes. They look up, wondering how they’ll get it back to the top.
PJ 2: The rock is tied into the back of a dinged pickup. Pete and his merry band of diggers are returning from the dig. He’s driving; BRUSHES OFF the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about the “cool find.”
DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.
AJ 1: IN SLOW MOTION, Slick Willy drives past the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left. He barks at his #2 to take photos.
PJ 3: ACTION Everybody loads up. Kids “climb” Pete and he “tosses” them in an open window… everyone drives off.
PJ 4: Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.
DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.
PJ 5: In a town celebration, Pete IS NATURAL IN THE SPOTLIGHT as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.
INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!
TJ 1 (Triangle character): Pete’s lawyer, Bronc, arrives and EVERYTHING STOPS. With great drama, he talks about NASA to the “gov’ment.” Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.
AJ 2: Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Primps and postures.
DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.
PJ 6: Pete “CROSSES THE LINE” (literally, the do-not-cross line) because “his” fossil is in danger from the government agents pretending to help. He takes over the seizure himself, and starts packing June. Embarrasses Slick Willy.
AJ 3: Slick Willy arrives LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.
TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.
PJ 7 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete is asked for an interview, and WITHOUT THINKING AHEAD, announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]
AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.
ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN
PJ 8: Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. People start to love him.
AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff he’s confiscating. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Tries to act confident, but behind closed doors, confesses all to #2. #2 helps to steer and organize.
TJ 3: Bronc files a motion to object to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds / also tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s like a ninja.
AJ 6: Slick Willy ORDERS MORE “EXPERTS” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, instructs some to start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” But frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.
PJ 9: Pete sees the power of the press, and calls his old pal, Charlie (who works at NBC): “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”
AJ 7: As June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy HINTS TO THE PRESS that a large investigation is underway. His #2 says there isn’t a case.
PJ 10: Pete LAYS DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TRUCK; he can’t bear for June to drive away. His own kids pull him away.
TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?
DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.
PJ 11: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. As they UNDERGO SOME PRELIMINARY “SELF-INVESTIGATION” (i.e., dangling from the shelves in the warehouse), he discovers that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong.
MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!
AJ 8: With great pomp and circumstance, Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach.
TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”
PJ 12: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.
TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”
DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?
ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR
PJ 13 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc LAY OUT A PLAN to investigate every count. Send out the team, including Charlie.
AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach them.)
DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.
TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.
PJ 14: Pete is given lots of casseroles and is told all kinds of platitudes about life’s difficulties. He “runs into” a medicine man [more MAGIC?], who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils—but also that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]
DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.
AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.
PJ 15: Pete VISITS JUNE at her storage facility, asking for advice. She tells him to stand strong for the team, and be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.
TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]
ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)
Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …
PJ 16: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.
AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)
PJ 17 / 18 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.
TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.
DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.
RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison. We learn that Bronc’s “favorite juror” plays golf with the judge. She was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts.
TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted, even on minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.
AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete. SLICK WILLY GETS FIRED.
DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]
PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.
DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?
DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?
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M4 LESSON 5: Natalie’s Character Action Tracks
My vision is to create and produce award winning stories that make an unforgettable emotional impact on a worldwide audience.
What I learned from this assignment: A few new things showed up unexpectedly. Just need to be open for story developing in its way
BLOODHUNTER
Mystery Thriller / Drama
CHR: EMILY KINGSLEY, protagonist
Emily PJ 1: Emily describes the source of her emotional trauma (as a witness of a cult’s sacrificial ritual), and makes sketches from her memory – while under a hypnosis
CHR ACTION: Emotional wreck. Fragile & confused. Breaks down, uncertain with her answers
Emily PJ 2: Emily’s drawing of a girl triggers her belief that her daughter is alive
CHR ACTION: Aggressive. Stunned with her discovery. Becomes obsessed with the idea of saving her daughter from a sacrifice
Emily PJ 3: Emily sees Hagan headed to the chapel through the window, attacks her psychiatrist, Susan, who is Hagan’s wife, tears off a few pages with her drawings, Susan’s rain coat and takes off
CHR ACTION: Reckless. Leaves safety of her confinement into a dangerous world
Emily PJ 4: Emily eavesdrops a conversation where detective Mike interrogates and tries to corner Hagan for his father’s bizarre death
CHR ACTION: Insecure, scared. Hides and holds back. Misses her chance to speak to Hagan
Emily PJ 5: Emily waits for Mike to leave, then rushes after Hagan toward the door
CHR ACTION: Hesitates. Waits for too long, then takes action. It’s too late. Hagan’s gone
Emily PJ 6: Emily frees herself up from Walter’s clutches, runs toward Susan’s car and drives off
CHR ACTION: Despised and reckless. Rebells Walter’s reasoning and warning signs
Emily PJ 7: Steams by Detective Mike’s car
CHR ACTION: Reckless. Takes things in her own hands instead of asking for help
Emily PJ 8: Emily notices police car chasing her, accelerates, looses control and slams into a tree
CHR ACTION: Guilt driven, tries to get away
Emily PJ 9: Emily gets a ride in detective Mike’s car, who asks navigating questions to confuse Emily. She tells Mike her visions about the cult, the tunnel, mentions her missing daughter, ostensibly in danger, and pleads to allow her meet with Hagan. Mike is intrigued. They arrive at Hagan’s nightclub. Mike cuffs (???) Emily’s hands and takes her inside.
CHR ACTION: Fear. Desperation. Emotional wreck.
Emily PJ 10: Mike leaves Emily with Teresa, a barista, and asks her to bring Emily to Hagan’s office in 15 minutes
CHR ACTION: Vulnerable, emotional wreck
Emily PJ 11: Teresa, who claims attending same boarding school as Emily, listens to Emily’s cry about her missing daughter being in danger and suggests talking to Cherimoya who knows Hagan well. They call Cherimoya
CHR ACTION: Insecure. Gullible.Tries to avoid meeting Hagan. Relies on other people’s help
Emily PJ 12: Teresa brings Emily to Hagan’s office. Mike watches their reaction. Emily backs away
CHR ACTION: Backs away. Can’t stomach facing Hagan. Feels guilty for killing his wife
Emily PJ 13: Emily convinces Mike to meet Cherimoya in an abandoned tunnel
CHR ACTION: Pursues her obsession to find her daughter
Emily PJ 14: Emily and Mike find a manhole on the street to get into the tunnel. Reluctantly, Emily goes in
CHR ACTION: Reckless
Emily PJ 15: In the tunnel, Emily, enchanted by a wild Halloween party, looses sight of Mike and gets lost She asks around for Cherimoya
CHR ACTION: Agressive. Creates a scene to get away from Mike
Emily PJ 16: Emily confesses her feelings for Hagan, the boy she fell in love with. Flashback to her childhood where they break up under the rain
CHR ACTION: Vulnerable, insecure. Confesses her love to a “stranger”
Emily PJ 17: While purging from Ayahuasca, Emily experiences petrifying visions from her past, the cult’s ritual and a bizarre creature abolishing her family trying to get to Hunter
CHR ACTION: Petrified, emotional wreck
Emily PJ 18: Emily sees vivid visions of the Phantoms, Cherimoya, and LW gathered for a sacrificial ritual
CHR ACTION: Insecure, lost, petrified
Emily PJ 19: Emily wakes up naked, in the basement’s warehouse (under the chapel) in someone else’s made up bed. She finds her clothes neatly stacked up on bed (does Walter have an OCD – show this throughout the script). She gets dressed and wonders around
CHR ACTION: Curiosity, determined to find Hunter or Hagan?
Emily PJ 20: Emily finds manikins concealed under a veil. (Later revealed as wearing facial latex masks resembling her relatives who’ve been missing or killed). She stumbles upon a manikin resembling Teresa,
(OR: Teresa wearing Emily’s face latex mask, which starts shedding tears. In this case, Emily can yank it off, revealing Teresa). (NOTE: Need a scene before where Teresa gets drugged by Cherimoya/ Walter?? Is she in the car with Em? Does Walter feel threatened by Teresa?)
CHR ACTION: Determination, curiosity, recklessness.
Emily PJ 21: Looking for Hagan, Emily walks into a shady nook with Walter, sitting alone, tied up onto a chair. OR: Could be same place, just somewhere hidden
CHR ACTION: Surprised, aggressive? Attacks Walter?
Emily PJ 22: Emily unties Walter’s hands
CHR ACTION: Gullible, naive
Emily PJ 23: Emily fights Walter, trying to go after Hagan
CHR ACTION: Rebellious, determined to do things by herself
Emily PJ 24: Emily tries to free herself up and knocks a few candles off the bed. The fire catches curtains engulfing everything on its way. Teresa, barely alive, manages to crawl toward Emily, unties her hands, then faints. Emily subdues the fire, pulls Teresa to a safe corner, then grabs a hooded cloak from a manikin, and leaves
CHR ACTION: Reckless, angry, determined
Emily PJ 25: Emily goes through a narrow tunnel.
(Need this here?) She hears a soft sobbing, then stops to listen
FLASHBACK HERE?: An a dark tunnel, an 8 y.o. girl is led by a Man.They talk about Angels
CHR ACTION: Determined, reckless, on a mission
Emily PJ 26: Emily climbs up the ladder and pushes stone slate aside, and comes up in the middle of the ritual. She approaches the altar blending in between the Phantoms dressed in hooded cloaks. They chant around a body on a pedestal under a cape embroidered with the COA
CHR ACTION: Confident, protective
Emily PJ 27: Emily breaks through the circle of Phantoms, and gets caught. She pleads LW to stop the ceremony.
CHR ACTION: Insecure, vulnerable, hopeless
Emily PJ 28: Emily responds with hesitation (dilemma)
NOTE: Emily has to be given a gun OR has a gun. By whom? How did she get it? From Evans?
CHR ACTION: Hesitation, cautious, self-aware
Emily PJ 29: Emily recognizes the word, switches her aim at Lady Winslet, misfires, then drops the gun in terror
CHR ACTION: Furious
Emily PJ 30: Emily sees Hunter under a debris, and digs her out, barely alive. Just then, the ceiling of the chapel gives in and collapses, covering everyone with deteriorated planks and dust. It’s unclear if anyone survives
CHR ACTION: Protective, overwhelmed, happy
Emily PJ 31: In the hospital visits Hagan bound to bed. Lady Winslet’s lawyer comes with announcement that Lady Winslet’s body was never found, which means that there’s no heir to the estate. The Lawyer steps out and brings Hunter in. She runs to Hagan calling him Daddy, and proclaiming her love to him
CHR ACTION: Joyful, satisfied, emotional
Emily PJ 33: Emily experiences a vision of her Younger Self dancing with Younger Hagan, where they almost seal their love with a kiss
CHR ACTION: Relief, self respect, allowing love into her life
Emily PJ 33: Emily attends Lady Winslet’s funeral, holding Hagan’s hand, and the will in her other hand where she is named a sole heir
CHR ACTION: Tears down the will, thus recognizing Hagan as an equal owner of the estate
=== === ===
CHR: WALTER KINGSLEY, antagonist
Walter AJ 1: In preparation for his Great Uncle’s funeral, Walter arranges plaster phantoms on pews
Deeper Layer: Walter molds trophy plaster phantoms off his relatives’ bodies whom he kills
CHR ACTION: Crafty, deceitful
Walter AJ 2: Walter becomes unsettled about Hagan’s visit to LW, slides stone slates aside on the floor and descends into a hole
CHR ACTION: Unsettled, scheming
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 3: Cherimoya eavesdrops Hagan’s and LW’s conversation about the will
CHR ACTION: Scheming, hurt
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 4: Cherimoya enters LW’s room after Hagan leaves, forcing her to give her LW’s brother’s will. He leaves her sitting in her wheelchair, barely alive.
CHR ACTION: Determined, vengeful, ruthless
Walter AJ 5: Walter grabs Emily by her ankles, trying to pull her into the hole on the floor, justifying as trying to protect her from Hagan
CHR ACTION: Jealous, protective
Walter AJ 6: Walter watches Emily driving off in Susan’s car. He glances at Emily’s window, and limps in the direction toward the house
CHR ACTION: Hurt, disappointed
Walter AJ 7: Walter gets into Emily’s room finding Susan in a pool of blood on the floor. He asks about what Emily remembered and what she wants, then grabs Emily’s sketches book. He uses Susan’s finger to dial 911 and leaves her barely alive with a phone in her hand
(OR: No Susan, no blood, just Emily’s sketches book, and Walter seeing Susan in a pool of blood in a flashback)
CHR ACTION: Scheming
Walter AJ 8: Walter returns to the chapel, skims through Emily’s notebook, arranges a circle of candles by the altar in a way that resembles her drawing, then descends into the hole on the floor
(OR: threatens Evans so he can reveal where Hunter is)
CHR ACTION: Determined, scheming
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 9: In VO, Cherimoya agrees to meet Emily in an abandoned tunnel at midnight
CHR ACTION: Daring, plotting
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 10: Cherimoya learns from Teresa that Emily thinks that her daughter is alive
CHR ACTION: Scheming
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 11: Cherimoya calls Hagan to inform him about Ayahuasca meeting
CHR ACTION: Manipulative
Walter as Cherimoya AJ 12: Cherimoya watches Emily dance with the Phantom (Hagan), and sends a messenger to notify Hagan that everything is ready for the ceremony
CHR ACTION: Jealous, manipulative
Walter/ as Cherimoya AJ 13: Cherimoya catches Emily having withdrawal from meds and offers help. She takes Emily to a secret Ayahuasca gathering where during a bizarre ritual, Emily takes the drink
CHR ACTION: Scheming
Walter /Cherimoya AJ 14: Cherimoya asks questions about Emily’s visions while driving back to the estate. Emily gets sick and throws up.
CHR ACTION: crafty
Walter/ Phantom AJ 15: Walter, dressed as the Phantom, dances with Emily. The lights from the approaching car beam through a narrow hole in the window blinding Emily. After a moment, she finds herself alone staring at Phantom’s cape and the mask on the floor
CHR ACTION: Deceitful, scheming
Walter AJ 16: Walter tries to convince Emily that he knows where Hunter is. He lures her closer, asking her help to untie his hands
CHR ACTION: scheming
Walter AJ 17: He grabs Emily and rips her clothes off. (IMPORTANT! For Emily to get the cloaks). She fights back. Walter threatens to reveal that Emily murdered Hagan’s wife, Susan. Emily subsides, drowning in guilt.
CHR ACTION: Manipulative, protective, vulnerable
Walter AJ 18: Walter ties Emily’s hands and tells her that Hagan is the leader of the cult who disguises himself as his victims, and that Hagan is deviously dangerous, he forces everyone to do his dirty job for him. Walter runs after Hagan ostensibly to stop him hurting Hunter
CHR ACTION: Vengeful, controlling
Walter AJ 19: Walter slips into LW’s bedroom, grabs her empty wheelchair and rolls it toward the closet. He takes LW’s funeral dress, and smirks: Show time, Lady Winslet! Show time.
NOTE: (does he find Hunter there, in tears, scared to death?)
CHR ACTION: Vengeful, deceitful, determined, vicious
Walter/Lady Winslet TJ 20: Lady Winslet sits on a wheelchair squeezing an embroidered pillow
CHR ACTION: Deceitful, calculated moved
Walter/ Lady Winslet 21: Does something (OR says something) provocative to set up Hagan
CHR ACTION: Impatient, vengeful
Walter/ as Hagan AJ 22: Impatient, screams at Emily a certain word of encouragement
CHR ACTION: Impatient, vengeful
Walter/ LW 23: manages to grab the gun and shoots at Hagan, wounding him, then careens and hits a decrepit pole, which crashes, making a huge gap on the floor. Everyone falls into the hole
CHR ACTION: Aggressive, vengeful, desperate
Walter/ LW 24: Flashback: Evans puts Lady Winslet’s latex mask over Walter’s head, who is in a coffin, making sure he resembles Lady Winslet.
CHR ACTION: Dead
=== === ===
CHR: HAGAN VALENTINE, triangle chr, love interest
Hagan TJ 1: Comes to the chapel to bid farewell to his estranged father, and is called to see his sister, Lady Winslet (LW)
CHR ACTION: Wants to belong
Hagan TJ 2: LW reveals her terminal illness and notifies Hagan that he won’t be the heir of the estate, per his father’s will. She orders him to leave this town immediately, while his daughter, Hunter, will remain in LW’s custody until he sets his roots in a new place somewhere else
CHR ACTION: wants to belong, fight for fairness, vulnerable
Hagan TJ 3: Hagan expresses his intent to fight for his rights and swears to find proof of his relation to the family, no matter what or who stands on his way, then leaves, outraged.
CHR ACTION: anger, determination, fight for the estate
Hagan TJ 4: Hagan returns to the chapel and is approached by Detective Mike who is investigating Hagan’s father’s death
CHR ACTION: Risk avert, content
Hagan TJ 5: Hagan gets a sample of his late father’s charred skin and leaves. Mike threatens to catch Hagan for what he did
CHR ACTION: determined, desolate, prideful
Hagan TJ 6: Hagan takes a drink and dives into a flashback of the Younger self running away from his deranged drunkard father
CHR ACTION: Sorrow, fear for life
Hagan TJ 7: Gets interrogated by Mike who pressures him to admit killing his wife and his missing child
CHR ACTION: guarded, outraged, defensive
Hagan TJ 8: Hagan offers Mike a bribe to find Kingsley’s family records book. Mike agrees, then leaves
CHR ACTION: Determined, fair fight
Hagan TJ 9: Hagan has a flashback where his drunken father kills his mother, Younger Hagan sets him on fire, and Younger Emily pulls Younger Hagan out of the maid’s quarters, barely alive
CHR ACTION: Fear, vengeance, helplessness
Hagan TJ 10: Teresa tells Hagan that Emily and Mike were talking about abandoned tunnels
CHR ACTION: Hides his feelings for Emily by expressing light curiosity
Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 11: Hagan, in a Phantom’s costume, finds Emily. They dance. He asks navigating questions about what she remembers from her past
CHR ACTION: Vulnerable, shy, holds back his feelings, manipulative
Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 12: The Phantom apologizes to Emily and leaves, asking his employees to keep an eye on Emily
CHR ACTION: Determined, caring
Hagan/ as Phantom TJ 13: The Phantom sends Cherimoya to bring Emily back to the estate.
CHR ACTION: disappointment, caring
Hagan TJ 14: Hagan receives a call about family records book on his way to the estate
(OR as he does, then heads to the Estate. NEED to make a stronger reason for him to go there, such as making his decision on a competitive basis or out of threat to either Emily or the estate)
CHR ACTION: Determined, anxious
Hagan TJ 15: Hagan looks for Arthur Kingsley’s relief statue in the chapel/ OR Hunter, gets knocked down by Walter?
CHR ACTION: Determined, obsessed, protective, helpless
Hagan TG 16: Hearing noise from under the ground, Hagan descends into a hole on the floor, OR: wakes up in Walter’s warehouse to see Emily half naked, in Walter’s embrace. Heartbroken, he backs away
CHR ACTION: Desperation, pain
Hagan TG 17: Hagan passes by hooded phantoms busy arranging the pedestal with a small figure under the cape. He notices Hunter’s plaster phantom, and stops to investigate
CHR ACTION: Protective, investigating
Hagan TG 18: Tries to debunk LW’s (Walter’s) accusations that he is a threat to Emily, that he killed his father and Hunter (Hunter’s plaster statue) so he can inherit the estate
CHR ACTION: Aggravated, aggressive
Hagan TJ 19: Hagan whispers words of love to Emily
CHR ACTION: Forgiving, reconciled
Hagan TJ 20: Hagan reunites with Emily and Hunter
CHR ACTION: Happy
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Peter’s Amended Beat Sheet #2 with Character Action Tracks
WIL: It’s never too late unless you give up!
MY VISION: I am a prolific screenwriter who makes horror movies!
Genre: Horror
Title: Meat Wagon
Act 1: The Temptation of El Escorpion.
Carlos works as a hearse driver for a local funeral home. While at a funeral we find out that the man being buried was Carlos’s former MS-13 gangster, Hector, who was shot 14 times by the police in a drug sting. Post funeral, his old posse confronts Carlos. Jude their leader says he’s disrespecting the gang by trying to go straight. Get married and have kids. He gives Carlos a packet of meth as a going away gift. Carlos knows his young family is in danger. He confides in an old priest who is also the local undertaker.
PJ 1: Carlos is taking care of his family, but he’s scared he’ll fall back into the thug life.
Triangle J 1: Father Carlos is also a former gangster understands the kind of pressure he’s under to stay on the straight and narrow. He prays for Carlos’s protection from the enemy.
AJ 1: Jude gives Carlos some meth to tempt him – threatening his family.
Inciting Incident: Carlos finds out that his wife is pregnant with their second child and freaks. That night while working late at the funeral home gives into temptation and takes the meth. He blacks out.
Deeper Layer: Carlos knows down deep that he cannot outrun his old gang any longer. He takes the drugs because he can’t deal with the pressure. He trips and blacks out.
PJ 2: Carlos takes the drugs, not caring what happens to his family. He really loathes himself at this point.
Turning Point 1: Carlos awakens on the garage floor. He hears a voice and follows it out to an old shed and under a tarp he finds the old beat-up hearse. He finds an old HOBO coin with Santa Muerte’s image engraved on it. He vows to serve the Saint of Death if she protects his family. He blacks out.
ACT 2: The Death of El Escorpion
PJ 3: Carlos awakens on the cold garage floor after being brought to by the priest.
Triangle J 2: Priest is angry at Carlos for taking the drugs – says he must think about his wife and kids!
PJ 4: Carlos has made a deal with the devil. But he doesn’t tell the old priest. He feels like he’s still tripping because of the drugs.
AJ2: Jude and the boys harass Dani at the grocery store.
PJ 5: Carlos loses his shit on his old gang, and he kills one of them with a poisoned machete.
AJ 3:Jude blames Carlos for how it all came down.
Triangle J3: The old priest prepares the body for burial. We don’t see who it is but assume it’s the one Carlos killed. He performs a strange ritual sews the HOBO coin inside the mouth of the corpse.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Carlos awakens inside the Meat Wagon with a coffin. He hears the voice of Santa Muerte who forces him to drive the coffin to an undisclosed location before dawn. She tells him that he must do this to fulfill his part of the bargain. He tries to find out from the entity who’s body is the coffin. But that’s forbidden knowledge.
PJ 6: Carlos sees dead people along the road as he drives. The damned souls once in the back of the Meat Wagon. They are yelling at him as he drives by. But he can’t hear their tormented warnings.
He tries to stop the car, but it won’t let him.
PJ 7: Carlos calls Dani on his cell. Her signal is weak and she’s crying. Asking him why he left them? Call is cut.
Deeper Layer: Betrayal.
Act 3: The Judgement of El Escorpion
PJ 8: Carlos regrets his deal with Santa Muerte. He tries to bargain with her. But it’s useless.
AJ 5: Carlos calls Jude. He warns him about going near his family again. Jude laughs at him! He’s there with her now!
Triangle J 4: The Old Priest is the only one who gets through on Carlos’s phone. He tells him that he is praying for his very soul. But he can’t stop what’s about to happen. The call is cut.
PJ9: Carlos sees a dead person who looks just like him standing in the middle of the road.
Turning Point 3: Carlos crashes the Meat Wagon. He blacks out. When he wakes up, he’s still driving on the highway.
Triangle J 5: The old priest tells Carlos tells him that there’s nothing he can do for him.
ACT 4: El Escorpion Descends into Hell
PJ 10: FB: We see the old priest preparing the body. It’s Carlos! He shaves his head and tattoos a symbol on the forehead. He places the HOBO coin in the mouth of the cadaver. Carlos’s ghost is watching his own autopsy!
Deeper Layer: Carlos is damned.
PJ 11: Act 4 Climax: Carlos body burns in the coffin. He tries to scream, but his lips are sewn shut. Yet all we can see is the coffin shaking as the hearse drives itself down the Highway to Hell!
Triangle J6: Father Diego performs a funeral for Carlos.
AJ 6: Jude comforts Dani as Carlos’s is laid to rest.
Resolution: As the coffin is lowered into the ground, we see Jude standing beside Dani who is holding little Alejandro in her arms. We know now that Jude is the guy who was saved, It was him we saw at the beginning of the movie. Carlos was always a thug. Always a killer. Always El Escorpion!
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Susan Arnout Smith’s Great Amazing Vision: I easily co-create with the Creator projects that are produced, win awards, heal hearts and bring me professional respect, financial abundance and time to explore the world with my family and friends.
What I learned in this assignment: This is just round 1, giving the characters basic actions, some not even in place yet. Through time, my intention is to make every action a surprise and running counter when possible to the dialogue, so the scene is multi-layered and delivers on each of them.
Genre: SciFi/ Drama
ESME COOPER AND THE PROPHESY OF DOOM
High Concept: A 12-year-old Halfing must come into her own power in time to save her world from an evil Queen after an ancient curse is activated that would crush Esme’s world forever.
Esme character traits: Rule-breaker, Loyal, At Risk, Magical
Queen/Mary’s core traits: Obsessive, Cruel, Enraged, Chameleon
Croom’s core traits: Sly, Obsequious, Greedy, Pleasant
ACT 1: The Prophesy Finds its Mark
Queen Action: (Obsessive). The Queen and her elite force slog through creepy country to control a witch who activates an ancient prophesy. The Queen ‘pays extra’ to get a curse attached.
H3M3 (Queen) AJ 1: H3M3, ruler of the immense and dangerous mainland, unearths an ancient prophesy and pays extra to activate the curse buried inside it to destroy the kingdom of Cantoria—but the curse can swing back and hit the person who called it out, so it’s dangerous.
Deeper Layer: H3M3 is taking no chances: her goal is to destroy the High Priestess line, and especially Esme, along with the island kingdom of Cantoria.
Esme Action: (Fiercely loyal, insecure, fearless). Esme is whaling into (and winning against) bigger and more skilled Gisselda. Gisselda is attacking Esme where she’s the most insecure, taunting her that she may literally not have what it takes to inherit the powers of her mother.
Esme PJ 1: 12-year-old Halfling Esme Cooper attacks her nemesis, Gisselda. At issue is whether a Halfling (Esme) will ever become the next High Priestess, even though the role has been in Esme’s mother’s pureblood family line for centuries. Esme’s taunted: there’s no guarantee when she comes of age (12), she’ll have the gift of ‘soul fragment healing’.
Esme Action: (Fiercely loyal, rule-breaker). Esme picks flowers she has to ‘give’ to Gisselda and her family as an apology. : Esme fights with her mother to be allowed to attend a Soul Binding. Esme is almost 12, the age when they’ll know if she has her mother’s gift. Esme wants to know ahead of time, so that she won’t be publicly humiliated. Only the High Priestess, (and Esme hopes the HP-in-waiting), are able to see soul-fragments. It’s way too dangerous; her mother refuses. She adores her mother Ilya, the High Priestess of Cantoria, and because Esme believes Gisselda dissed her mother, Esme hides a plant in the mix that immediately makes Gisselda and her mother break out in hives. Esme is sentenced to take care of her little sister, Brinn and a bunch of other girls.
Esme action: (Rule-breaker.) Esme PJ 2 We meet Bodhi, Esme’s best friend. He’s a year older and he is part of the Bender class, the crack security team that defends the island and especially the holy Binders. He’s besotted with her. Esme quickly talks him into taking on her punishment (watching the younger kids)…and she’s off.
Queen action: (Cruel, cunning.). The Queen orders her maids to bathe a very scared peasant woman. When she’s clean, the Queen eviscerates her. We see the screaming soul fragment expelled from her body.
Queen Action. (Cruel, cunning, obsessive). H3M3 (Queen) AJ2: The Queen is looking out at Cantoria from every angle. She’s interviewing potential candidates for her plan. She settles on one. And then kills her. The woman’s eviscerated. The woman’s broken body is allowed into Cantoria, so that the High Priestess (Esme’s mother, Ilya), can reunite it with its soul fragment.
Esme Action: (Fearless, rule-breaker.) INCITING INCIDENT: In a risky and brash move, Esme disobeys her mother, and climbs into the sky following her mother to find the current soul fragment. She’s attacked by gyres, and only her mother’s skills bring Esme and the soul-fragment back safely into the Binder tent.
Esme Action: (fearless, rule-breaker). Esme PJ 3: is rebuked by the Binder women, but allowed to watch the Soul Binding as her mother reunites the soul fragment with the woman we now recognize as the Queen’s victim.
Queen Action: (cunning, obsessive) H3M3 (Queen) AJ3: The fragment is reunited with the eviscerated woman…who morphs into a molten silvery assassin creature.
Deeper Layer: The Queen has breached the security of Cantoria. The destruction has begun.
Esme Action: (fearless, loyal) Esme PJ4: The Binder women meld into a fighting force to protect their High Priestess…and Esme. Esme fights to protect her mother.
Queen Action: (Creature represents the queen. Cunning, cameleon, cruel.) H3M3 (Queen): AJ 4: The creature uses acid and other weapons to chew through the Binders (who now have been joined by the Benders, (the Cantorian security arm).
Queen Action: (Creature represents the queen. Obsessive, cunning) TURNING POINT 1: As the assassin melts into acid, it delivers the ancient prophesy: Cantoria will die at the hands of a child: Esme!
ACT 2: Lessons Learned
Esme action: (fearless, magical.) Esme finds and goes to the crone who gave the prophesy and the curse. She terrifies the old women who instantly knows who she is and what she can do. Esme discovers that the curse is real, her kingdom is at risk.
Esme PJ 5: Completely shocked by the security breach, carnage and the prophesy, Esme is sequestered for her own protection. She tries multiple ways to prove the prophesy false and to take off of her family the community’s outrage and belief that Esme’s behavior caused all the ruin that followed. Everything she tries fails.
Queen action: (Cruel, obsessive) Massive bloodbath, assisted by Croom, the kingdom’s hand. H3M3 AJ5: The Queen savagely punishes those she holds responsible for the screw-up. She had intended the assassin to make quick work of the High Priestess and Esme. Now she must activate Plan B.
Deeper Layer: The Queen prepares for a vicious invasion of Cantoria.
Esme action: (loyal, fearless). Esme PJ 6: Esme’s sent to live with her dad in the Outlier compound. He takes the prophesy very seriously. As a former Navy Seal, he teaches her multiple ways to defend herself for what he knows is a coming war.
Esme action: (fearless, loyal). Turning point 2/Midpoint: Brinn goes missing (looking for Esme) as Cantoria is invaded by the Queen’s army. The Cantorians are enslaved by the Queen’s army. Esme fights off the enemy (using skills her dad taught her and scoops up her sister. Esme and her immediate family, (mother, dad, little sister, Brinn), barely escape Cantoria, headed for Earth.
Act 3: Shifting identities
Esme action: (Loyal, At Risk) Esme PJ 7: Esme’s mother gives her a necklace and wraps her in a mantle of forgetfulness to protect her. She’s cautioned by both parents she must never remember her old life, as they will be able to track her signal that way.
Queen action: (Obsessive) H3M3 AJ 7: The Queen indeed is tracking them (using Esme’s Light). She sends her best team after them. They lose the signal (when Esme is wrapped in the cloak of forgetfulness). Outraged, the Queen picks a new path.
Queen action: (Cameleon, obsessive, cunning, vain). H3M3 AJ 8: She creates an avatar to ‘place-hold’ as Queen, tries on various identities, and settles on one. Her vanity comes out here, she arranges ‘Mary’ to be stunning. While she’s primping, the ancient keeper of the prophesy appears and reminds the Queen of the ‘rules’. The curse she bought is clear: Esme can only be killed…as Esme…and the Queen…must be in her own form. The battle for Cantoria must occur…on Cantoria. The Queen must find a way to return Esme to Cantoria in order to obliterate the kingdom and change back in time to kill her. The Cantorians are enslaved, but only Esme dying will kill off the kingdom forever. If the Queen goes off-plant and kills Esme, violating these rules, she’ll die a horrible death and her immense kingdom will be forever blotted from history. And…the downside to being Mary: she loses the powers she had as Queen. She must do all this as…(figure out where Cantoria is and how to get back there) as Mary.
Esme action: (Fearless, at risk). Esme PJ 8: Esme’s family crash-lands on Earth. She’s got amnesia when she wakes up in a hospital room. She remembers nothing of who she is or where she came from. She picks Rose as her name.
Queen action: (cunning, cameleon) H3M3 (now Mary) AJ 9: Mary Fortuna meets Esme in the hospital. She’s a wise-cracking, fun and fierce advocate for homeless kids. She promises Esme (Rose) she’ll help her remember who she is so she can be reunited with her family, whoever and wherever they are. Mary brings daring and fun into Esme’s life and encourages her to try dangerous things.
Esme action: (At risk, loyal.) Esme PJ 9: Esme realizes the necklace produces brief flashes of memory about her family. We see the more she remembers, the more Light she emits. She urgently needs to figure out where this place is (Cantoria) and how to return.. She relates these to her protector, Mary, who has found a place for her in a foster home.
Deeper Layer: We know that Mary is the Queen in disguise; Esme doesn’t. Mary realizes Esme is being tracked by bad guys using her ‘light flashes’ to find her.
Croom action: (Sly, pleasant.) Croom does essentially a ‘magic trick’ in his room. Esme is charmed. Without realizing it, her magical abilities are ) Croom TJ 1 We introduce Croom, the triangle character, a science teacher at the school for homeless kids. Croom’s doing an entire section on ‘extra special abilities’. He’s doing something fun and ‘big’ in the classroom and the kids adore him. Esme (Rose) is in many ways an innocent. The mantle of forgetfulness has also affected her ability to intuit danger. Croom immediately understands who Esme is, and who Mary is. Neither of them know who he is.
Esme action: (At risk). She’s helping Croom with a science project). Esme PJ 10: Esme is befriended by her science teacher at the school for the homeless. As a growing girl, she’s feeling a bit of chafing at how constricted a rein Mary has on her. She likes that she’s meeting people on her own; it makes her feel grown up. Croom skillfully separates her out from Mary, tricking her into not going back to her foster home.
Croom action: (Sly, obsequious, greedy) Croom, TJ 2: Croom takes a select group of students on a ‘field trip’. He shows them where he works at a part-time job, a magical bookstore that will take them through books where ever their hearts desire. And then somehow, the others peel off, (arranged by Croom), leaving Esme with Croom. The ceiling softens, becomes porous, disappears. It reveals the sky. Esme sees for the first time soul fragments in the Earth’s sky. Croom is triumphant, but carefully keeps this to himself. Esme/Rose, is, indeed, the ‘real deal’. He can make a lot of money out of her gift.
Deeper layer: We see that yes, Esme does have the special Cantorian powers that would lead to her being the next High Priestess. And her level of danger just keeps getting higher. And we know that while Mary (the Queen), is trying to kill Esme, Cantoria, and finish off the line of Soul Binders completely, Croom, on the other hand, is trying to use her powers for ill and wants to enslave her on Earth. (So going back to Cantoria means death—at the Queen’s hands, staying on Earth means death (enslavement) by Croom. Nothing’s safe.
Esme action: (Magical) Esme PJ 11: What Esme sees in the Earth’s sky confuses and terrifies her: Now that she can see them, on Earth the sky is literally jammed with soul fragments, traumatized ‘bits’ of people trapped out of time.
Croom action: (Greedy, sly, obsequious.). Croom TJ 3: Croom claims that Mary is the danger…and that with Esme’s help, he can get Esme back to her ‘own kind’. If….Esme assists him first with capturing soul fragments. He earnestly tells her she must block Mary’s energy. Mary is the enemy. The danger. He assures her she can do this, she’s just demonstrated her power. This is just another part of it.
Deeper Layer: Croom pretends he has a humane system of reuniting soul fragments with their wounded bodies. He makes her believe this by using her new, revealed knowledge and hunger for home to entrap her.
Queen action: (Enraged, obsessive). H3M3 (Mary): AJ 10: Mary knows exactly the danger Croom represents. She goes on the hunt for him. Her powers of connection with Rose/Esme have been ‘blocked’, something Esme did at Croom’s urgent suggestion.
Croom action: (Greedy.) Croom TJ4: Croom encourages Esme/Rose to try her first soul retrieval of a fragment. She’s not to worry about finding the wounded body it belongs to; Croom will take care of that part. Her part is just to pick a fragment and bring it safely down to Earth. He takes her to the highest part of the bookstore. She grips her necklace.
Esme action: (Magical) Esme PJ 12: The sky is so full it’s hard to pick. Esme ‘sees’ herself lifting into the sky…and she manifests this. Suddenly, she’s airborne. Esme picks a fragment out that’s vibrating at a very high frequency of terror, a small child repeating the moment when the ‘fracture’ happened.
Deeper Layer: Esme is in line now to be the High Priestess. She is Esme. Her memories come flooding back. Including her mother, her mother’s gift, and now the realization that she, Esme, is the proven heir to her mother: The High Priestess in Waiting. She’s exultant and in awe. She can fly. She can soothe. She can retrieve. And, she needs to find her family.
Queen Action: (Obsessive). Mary AJ 11: Mary’s been on the lookout for this moment. The instant Esme connects with her true power/nature and retrieves the soul fragment, the ‘fog’ Esme/Rose placed around herself splits apart; her light is too big. Mary instantly sees Esme’s energetic form. Mary doesn’t fly skyward: that would bring the curse down on her. She waits on the ground and figures out where Esme is headed.
Croom action: (greedy, obsequious). Croom TJ5: Croom tracks her progress and guides her to him. Back to the innocuous looking bookstore, but it’s magic, with multiple ‘backrooms.
Esme action: (loyal). Esme PJ 13: Esme tenderly carries in the soul fragment, reassuring it that it’s soon to be healed, soon to be reunited with its human body that it fled at its moment of severe trauma. Esme is about to hand over the fragment to Croom.
Queen action: (obsessive, enraged, cameleon). Mary AJ 12: Mary stops her just in time. Croom was feeding the soul fragments into a hideous big machine to get all the ‘juice’ out. He’s selling the fragments to rich worldly patrons as the fountain of youth.
Croom action: (Greedy) Croom TJ6: He fights with Queen (as Mary) and grabs Esme). If he can’t have the soul fragment, he’ll take Esme, and keep her power harnessed on a wheel so that all she sees is a repeat over and over of Cantoria at its most powerful. He captures and contains her.
TP 3 Act 4: Esme rights the world
Queen action: (enraged, obsessive, cruel). Mary AJ 13 Mary grabs Esme back—hard–and sends her to stay with her paternal grandparents, retired farmers in Kansas. Mary ‘handles’ Croom, by putting him in his machine, extracting his ‘juice’. It’s pure evil, and an extra weapon she can use to infuse herself when necessary. Note: we may only see this in flash blacks, when Mary is revealed to be the Queen.
Esme action: (Magical, loyal, fearless). Esme PJ 14: Esme’s loyalty to her grandparents is immediately challenged powers reveal that her father’s parents have been killed and the two imposters were sent by the Queen to hold her captive until the Queen could kill her. She subdues the two.
Queen action: (Cameleon, obsessive) Mary AJ 14 Mary is right behind, ready to do battle with the two imposters to save the child. Together, she and Esme neutralize the two imposters. She offers to ‘adopt’ Esme.
Deeper Layer: It takes both Mary and Esme’s power to subdue and neutralize the imposter grandparents. Esme still hasn’t attained her true powers yet. She’s only seen glimpses of what she could be. Mary is trying to control Esme’s power, and ultimately, her life.
Esme action: (magical, at risk, fearless.). (This may be what precipitates the fight with the imposter grandparents—the discovery of the prototype.) Esme PJ 15 Esme discovers the prototype her father told her about that he built to use to traverse the distance between Earth and Cantoria. She’s going home and nothing and no one can stop her.
Queen action: (Obsessive). Mary AJ 15 Impulsively, Mary climbs in at the last second. It’s too late to turn around.
Deeper Layer. The farther they get in the spaceship taking them back to Cantoria, the more Mary ‘slips’.
Esme Action: (At risk) Esme PJ 16 Esme goes from trusting Mary to doubting her to being afraid of her. They are entering Cantorian boundaries.
Queen action: (Cameleon, enraged). Mary/Queen AJ 16 Mary struggles to keep the persona of Mary intact, but as they get closer to Cantoria, her actual body starts to distort into something frightening; a gargoyle. The gargoyle morphs into the Queen.
Deeper Layer. Esme realizes she’s been with the Queen this entire time, and now the Queen is going to kill her. The Queen’s been party to seeing all her vulnerabilities and weaknesses.
Esme action: (loyal, at risk). Esme PJ 17: Esme’s childhood friend, Bodhi, now a captain in the Bender security guard, surrounds the ship and stops them. Esme is thrilled to have an ally and a fierce one at that.
Queen action: (obsessive, enraged). She is using her rage to manipulate the world. Queen AJ 17 The fight for Cantoria begins in earnest. The kingdom has been put under a spell so they are slaves to the queen and are part of the attack quard.
Esme/Queen action (The big fight) Esme PJ 18: Esme and her forces and the Queen and her forces have a fight that escalates. Bodhi is revealed to be enchanted by the Queen: Esme must win this battle herself. In even fiercer fighting, summoning all she knows and is, and rallying the community behind her once more, Esme finds her parents and sister. They rally to her side.
Queen action: (enraged, obsessive, cruel). Queen AJ 18 Queen corners Esme and reveals the why, the big secret: The Queen is Esme’s grandmother. She misused the High Priestess power to create her own kingdom and was banished from Cantoria forever. Only Ilya knows that the evil Queen is actually her deranged mother. The Queen is greedy to get back the power she once had—and if she can’t, then nobody can have it. She’d prefer the entire kingdom of Cantoria, including her daughter and grand-daughter, extinguished so that as far as the eye travels, the only ruler is the Queen, with absolute power. (Goodness trumps evil, unless good is killed.)
Esme action: (Magical, fearless). Esme AJ 19. Esme now knows the Queen’s weakness: (Note, still to be discovered). Knowing the ‘secret’, Esme is able to put all her sacred and secret knowledge to work. She stops the Queen.
Esme/Queen action: Resolution: We tie up the ends: Esme becomes the High Priestess and leader of Cantoria. The Queen is neutralized and her kingdom is freed. The scary and ancient curse is turned on the Queen.
Cantoria with Esme as the young leader is saved, badly wounded, back alive as a kingdom. The Queen’s reign is blown up, and her along with it. Esme and Bodhi are still not reconciled but there’s a path back to friendship.
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Kevin Cunningham’s Character Action Tracks!
GOING NATIVE
Comedy/Satire
Act 1:
– 1677 Boston: John Wompas alias White is confronted by Daniel Gookin about inappropriately selling Native lands, and other questionable behavior; he’s something of a rascal
– Modern Day: Mukki asleep awkwardly on his cot, his mom comes in and urges him to get up in Native language; “Speak English!” he insists petulantly; he reaches for his pants; she shakes her head no; she tosses him colorful native garb; Mukki frowns
– 1970s 8mm footage: 6-year-old Mr. Fox dresses in Indian garb, turns to face other kids, who are dressed as cowboys and move forward menacingly; Mr. Fox swallows hard, but declares “All this land is mine!” and runs headlong into them.
– The Fox family watches the video and laughs. Daughter Alison cringes to see how un-PC her dad is. Mr. Fox declares “Land is everything.” Wife Elizabeth takes him aside and says it’s time for him to retire: two beautiful daughters ready for college, and him getting on in years. He agrees to wind down to retirement: one last real estate project. She prepares for Town Meeting.
– Mukki stumbles toward a crowd of other natives, pulling on his colorful costume awkwardly; tumbles; gets up and races along: joins them just in time as they do a “Grand Entry” — it’s a traditional powwow; The grandfather extols the land they stand upon. In the audience, clueless touristy white folks (including one or two of Mukki’s high school classmates); Mukki stops short as he comes up to Alana, the Powwow Princess — beautiful in her native garb; Mukki is trampled by the tribesmen behind him; he looks up, mud on his face; the white attendees point at him and laugh.
– Jessie Masnubic directs a group of high schoolers in an all-white production of a play about Thanksgiving. Jessie insists that this is going to be a revisionist version, since the white settlers were all evil white men and the natives were pure as snow. Timid teens try to make fierce white faces, but are not feeling it. Jessie pushes them. Pretty Alison Fox plays Squanto.
– Mukki, humiliated, retreats to his room to play video games, avoids native culture, pines for Powwow Princess. Mukki’s mother appeals to his grandfather about what to do with him. He suggests he be the representative to the upcoming Town Meeting.
– Mr. Fox talks stealthily with an obscure man in a dim alcove. They finish, and Mr. Fox walks into the town historian’s office. The Fox’s have lived there forever, but he’s got a question about the land.
– Jessie Masnubic leads a cabal of rabid townsfolk in a plan for a big push on Town Meeting motions:
1. changing “Selectmen” to “Select Board”
2. changing the state flag (Massachusetts) to get rid of the oppressed Indian image
3. changing “Columbus Day” to “Indigenous People’s Day”
Alison is in attendance, and wonders, “why stop there?” The others’ eyes widen: anything is possible.
– Town Meeting: the crusty old moderator confers with Elizabeth Fox, leader of the Town Finance Committee. The old white conservatives congregate around the periphery. Mr. Fox and the historian come in and sit near them. The Progressives stride in to the central seats, excited. Where’s the Native representative? Mukki comes in with his mom, greets the Progressives weakly. The session begins.
First: a declaration that “this is native land we’re standing on”, conservatives sigh.
Next: the Select Board name change. The extreme feminists support it, the conservatives weakly don’t. The speaker’s pronouns – we, us – cause confusion – will the speaker please clarify if you mean you singular or some group of people? “I mean we singular.” Oh just proceed…. They vote on their electronic devices. Mr. Fox’s doesn’t work. He gives a voice vote.
Next: the state flag. Nothing wrong with an Indian – “objection: Indigenous person” – on the flag: it’s shows inclusion. But what about that sword over his head? What does the Native think? Mukki says as an Indian – “objection!” – er a Native (?) I don’t have a problem with it. His mother kicks him and says “yes, we object, we object!” The motion passes. Again, Mr. Fox has to vote manually.
Finally: the Columbus Day proposal. “Whereas”es go on forever. Columbus is an evil hostile inhumane genocidal maniac. The amendment is proffered: let’s at least say we’re not anti-Italian, just anti-Columbus. Progressives: “you’re trying to water it down!” Um, yeah. What says the Native? Mukki says, sounds right to me, don’t want to offend anyone. Progressives freak out: Columbus Day offends YOU, you idiot! Mukki is indifferent. Amendment is defeated. Italians stew.
Another amendment is proffered by disgruntled conservatives: put your money where your mouth is – give back the land. Which land – just Town land? No, all of it! Fine! Amendment is accepted. Ha!
Town Counsel, can we do this? It’s a young kid, his dad put him in place. Well, I expect so.
Now the real vote: do we vote to change name of holiday, AND give the land back to the Natives? The vote goes ahead.
Electonic vote is tied. Everyone’s freaked out. Mr. Fox has to give the tieing vote. Of course he’ll say no. He owns land in the town. He looks at his daughter Alison. But he votes YES!
Mukki and his mom sit in stupor. What just happened? Well, you guys, you just got a whole town!
Act 2:
– Mukki’s small tribe discusses what to do – the grandfather (the sachem) assigns Mukki to serve as the tribe’s representative. But Mukki objects: that would mean running the town! What does he know about government. Does he know Excel? Yes. Then that’s good enough. But how does he do it? Be like the white people: go native.
– Mukki approaches Town Hall. Alison intercepts him, calling him “Mr. Mayor” and saying she’s honored to help him. She offers to help him learn the ropes: there are different constituencies in town he’ll need to attend to. There are the Conservatives, and the Progressives, and–. Look, I’ll handle it myself. She is rebuffed.
– In a conference room, the Select Board (they keep saying Selectmen) introduces him to this delicate situation. Elizabeth Fox is there as Chair of the town’s Finance Committee. The first order of business is that the town was in dire financial straits due to a “structural deficit” and they were planning to put an “override” on the ballot to collect more revenue, but now weren’t sure what to do as they aren’t in charge anymore. They ask Mukki what they should do. Mukki is clueless. Elizabeth reviews the financial state of the town and points to a concerning trend: staff will need to be paid, but revenue has stopped. Should they be laid off? Many different opinions come his way, and he’s overwhelmed. He says something “sage” about “the crops will grow in time” etc. (echoing his grandfather badly). (Crops?) He plans to meet with different groups in town, then get back to them.
– Elizabeth tells Mr. Fox that he should try to help Mukki, because he knows all about land. Mr. Fox reluctantly agrees to touch base with him. But first he has some things to do in town. Alison complains about Mukki. But she has rehearsal tonight. Elizabeth decides to dig deep into the projected budgets, now that the land will be transferred. You probably think it’s a bad idea – why should I care any more? But Mr. Fox surprises her: no, it’s important.
– Mr. Fox meets with various people, apparently about unrelated development projects. Certain Town leaders are promoted or canned for obscure reasons, suggesting some kind of behind-the-scenes action. It is unclear by whom!
– Mukki’s mom coaches him about how to deal with the people in town. Be a mirror to them. We’ve spent generations making ourselves invisible, being what they expect. Just do that. Yes, says, Mukki sarcastically, it’s worked for hundreds of years. But he will try it.
– The conservatives: in a oak-walled room at the Sakkonet golf course, Mukki is in a suit and tie, fully assimilated. The conservatives say this is a calamity, all their land gone, but they kowtow to Mukki, using all kinds of inappropriate words (powwow, chief, brave, savage, squaw, indian giver, on the warpath, low man on the totem pole, Indian summer, burying the hatchet, etc.). Mukki pretends to be clearheaded, and voices stock conservative phrases. They tentatively approve of him.
– The Progressives: at Jessie Masnubic’s little house, Mukki enters in full regalia, but it’s Western regalia (big bushy headdresses), not Eastern regalia. The feathers keep falling in his face and he has to brush them away. But the progressives eat it up. He makes up “native wisdom” as they try to push on him his own victimhood. He pushes way back on their construction, and their efforts to seize all power etc. Alison arrives quietly for rehearsal and watches. The progressives get more and more upset as Mukki fails to fall in line (pronouns, trans, DEI, ‘tribe”, social injustice “warriors,” etc.) and finally cancel him right to his face. They insist his tribe send someone else. He meekly leaves. Jessie transitions to rehearsals.
– Outside, Alison confronts Mukki: what the hell were you doing! You need to woo these people, to get their support. Mukki doesn’t want to woo anyone. Well, except… He moves closer to her, and they stare. Mr. Fox arrives boisterously, “putting the moves on my daughter?” The pair separate, “No sir!” “You wouldn’t be the first.” Alison is outraged, but Mr. Fox continues and gives Mukki the word that there’s dire news- you’ve got to go to the Town Hall.
– They arrive at Town Hall in Mr. Fox’s car – a Jeep Cherokee – and see a crowd of people gathered out front, protesting. What do I do? Just comfort them. Mukki goes to the stone stairs and calls out to them. They say they want their jobs and wages. Well, what’s the problem? The Town Accountant has frozen all the accounts and will give out layoff notices. Don’t worry, Mukki says, my tribe runs this town now, and I’m sure we’ll fix everything. Someone cries out Mukki! Mukki! He turns to them and they punch Mukki in the face and race off. Mukki falls to the ground. Mr. Fox and Alison drag him up as he rubs his jaw and pull him inside. How’d I do? Alison rolls her eyes, and Mr. Fox assures him he’s well on his way to becoming a politician.
– Inside the Select Board room, they encounter the team leaders, who are desperate. Mukki is nonchalant as they describe that the town is broke, and the debts are being called in immediately. Well, things go back to the earth. But the debt has to be paid off. The only way to pay it off is to sell off the assets. There’s the buildings, but that won’t be enough. Will have to sell the land too. Ok, fine. Not only the land of the town, but ALL the land: the Native land too. What?! Yes, it’s the tribe’s problem now, not the town’s: if Mukki doesn’t solve this problem, his TRIBE will lose EVERYTHING!
Act 3:
– Mukki walks toward his home with Mr. Fox and Alison. He meets Alani, the Powwow Princess, and gets disheartened. But she is all proud of him, for taking over a town and giving his people a new hope! She kisses him on the cheek shyly and scampers away. Alison takes note. Mr. Fox teases him. Mukki just sighs and walks into the building.
– The grandfather has heard all the Mr. Fox has had to say about the crisis, and is thoughtful. Mukki is all over the place: it’s terrible, it’s impossible, the whites are doing it to us all over! Alison stops him: it isn’t the whites, they gave you your land back! Yes, like they gave our forefathers cholera. (Oh you do listen.) We should give the land back. You really want to be an Indian giver? Whatever. Mukki is glad to hand over the problem to the grownups. But the grandfather turns to Mukki: what do you think, Mr. Mayor? This is your problem to solve. He resists. But finally turns to the grandfather and Mr. Fox: all right, advise me. Mr. Fox is quietly impressed at Mukki.
– Mr. Fox and Alison drive back into town. He can appreciate the sachem’s concerns: land is everything. Alison: Let’s just put a casino up, why don’t we? Mr F: Don’t tempt me. Tempt? Let’s get the figures from your mother. You know, I like Mukki. Alison rolls her eyes: he’s sweet enough, but he’s kind of an idiot. He lets her off at Jessie’s house. Outside the house, two little girls sit at a table with a sign: BAKE SALE, Save Our Town. She passes them and goes inside.
– Mukki is in a small tent that is super steamy. The grandfather gives Mukki pearls of wisdom as sweat drips down Mukki’s face and neck. He leaves Mukki to take it all in. Outside he encounters Mukki’s mom. What are you doing? Teaching him patience. We don’t do sweat lodges – that’s just the Plains Indians and some of the Western tribes. Yes, but he doesn’t know that. Mukki swelters.
– Alison enters a heated debate at Jessie’s house. They want to change the Thanksgiving show: maybe the whites weren’t so bad. Alison protests: you wrongly idolized them; the important thing about Thanksgiving is that people worked together. Yes, the Pilgrims were jerks, and they gave diseases, and they shot their helpers, and they swindled the tribes and set them against each other, and they took over all the land, but — silence. Well, okay, let’s just cut the show. But don’t cancel Mukki, he’s trying his hardest. We need to come together. But we’re all going to lose our homes! Can’t you stick to your principles for five minutes without cancelling someone?
– The grandfather teaches Mukki about the history at Plimoth, and the years since. Different tribes squabbled too, this tribe took land from that tribe, we killed each other in our skulking way, but since the great apocalypse of European invasion they learned to work together. He explains what’s important, and what’s not. He coughs a little and needs to sit down. Mukki helps him. We’ve gotten by for years with a half an acre for the whole tribe. The land is sacred. But our life, our culture is more sacred. If you are strong and honor yourself in your tribe, then that is the only success needed. We’re still here. Now go forth. Mukki moves out, confidently, proudly. The grandfather comes out to see Mukki go – and a native from another tribe waits there, hat in hand. Grandfather looks at him curiously, but waves him in as he grabs his own chest in pain.
– The conservative group sit in their club and calmly discuss how to kill Mukki. It’s not right that the natives run the town, we stole it fair and square. Didn’t we? The town historian quibbles a bit, and says he’ll look at the historical record. =[Mr. Fox joins and tells them this:] They discuss how it’s actually a great thing that the town doesn’t own the land anymore – no more property taxes! But they come up with a devious idea: if the town has to sell the land, who will they sell it to? To us, of course. We’re the only ones who can afford to buy it. But we have to be on Mukki’s good side. Don’t kill him then? No, best to wait and see how things go. They find out that Mukki has called a special Town Meeting in an hour.
– Everyone piles into the Town Hall, grumbling and voicing dire predictions. Alison comes in noticing.
– Inside the Town Hall, Elizabeth finishes telling the gathered town the state of affairs. The townsfolk lament that their homes will be taken and everything gone. Mukki appears in the Town Meeting, in native dress, but appropriate to his tribe. He calmly takes them through his plan: we’ll all work together to get the town in order. We’ll work with the employees, the committees, we’ll work together. It’s stirring. People are electrified. He has almost won them over. Stirring.
But how will it work? I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Should we build a casino? Maybe. But Mr. Fox stands up with a critical point: we can default, but we have to make an initial payment to show good faith. How? Sell the land by the river. How? I’ll but it. Everyone is stopped. Elizabeth and Alison are surprised – that’s their life savings. Mukki says, okay. Thank you. This is how the town can work together! Cheers, huzzahs. The conservatives rush forward to volunteer their money too. The Progressives step forward and offer their money too, at double the cost! The dam is burst and the town looks like it’s saved by the outpouring of generosity. Mr. Fox watches, then secretly kicks the Town Counsel, who looks up irritably.
The Town Counsel slowly rises and painfully raises a point of order: unfortunately, a tribe is forbidden by federal law from selling their land. The plan is crushed. The crowd halts, lost. Their expressions change. And the crowd transforms into a mob. They rend their clothes and rush Mukki and try to tear him apart, but he escapes. Alison races out the main entry to race around to catch up to him. Mr. Fox rises to the podium next to his wife, and makes the microphone squeal, halting everyone. He calls for their attention. Listen to me. I think I know how to save the town.
Act 4:
– Outside the Town Hall, Mukki runs out, exhausted, clothes torn, tears in his eyes. Alison comes up to him and directs him out of the public eye. She appeals to him to keep at it. What he’s trying to do is noble. We’ll figure out something. No, it’s impossible, and he’s unfit for it. He storms away, but she keeps up with him. They fight, she says how she supports him, that he’s grown. He doesn’t care. He’s a failure and he doesn’t deserve her attention. Off he goes.
– Alison reenters the Town Hall. People are coming out smiling, relieved. What could have happened? She goes up to her mother and asks about it. Mr. Fox had convinced the town to vote to take back the town upon themselves. They’d taken the vote. Alison correctly points out that that doesn’t matter: the tribe has to vote to give it back. We’ll talk about it with them, but they reached consensus.
– Mukki walks forlornly toward his home. He notices an ambulance out front and people gathered, including the Powwow Princess, looking sad. He picks up his pace and walks directly into the house. His mother takes his hand and leads him in. On the couch, his grandfather is at death’s door, but alive. The mysterious stranger stands off to the side. Mukki kneels before his grandfather. Did you succeed? Mukki hesitates, and starts to explain the failure of the attempt. But grandfather waves him impatiently: did you succeed? Mukki stops, and smiles. Yes. The grandfather relaxes, at peace, and closes his eyes. He clasps Mukki’s hand strongly, proudly. Mukki rises slowly and a EMT moves in, caring for grandfather. Mukki steps back next to his mother. I’m proud of you my son. Thank you, ma. So is grandfather. I know. Mukki, this man needs to speak to you. Mukki turns to the mysterious stranger, curiously.
– The next morning, Alison wanders her home aimlessly, forlorn, as her mother brings potted flowers to her garden. How can you just work on your garden after what’s happened?! Her mother reassures her. Life goes on, etc. But Mukki must be wrecked! You like him, don’t you? She doesn’t answer. Her mother puts plants into the ground. Stop! Elizabeth smiles and insists: look to the land (Morman Utah land story). Alison suddenly has an epiphany. The land? Mr. Fox comes in, cheerily looking at a text on his phone. Alison walks right up to him. It was you all along. What? You knew this would happen. You did all this so you could get in on a casino – or get the town changed. You say that like it’s a bad thing. They fight, she upset at him. You destroyed Mukki! We’ve messed over the natives for centuries! What do you care? I love him! She catches herself. The doorbell rings. Alison has confused herself. It’s Mukki. Alison goes all quiet. Elizabeth appears. Mr. Fox opens the door. Awkward. Elizabeth welcomes Mukki and offers him a drink etc. warmly. He’s touched by her kindness and comes in. He declares that he knows for certain that Mr. Fox has deceived him, had a plan all along that was designed to destroy his tribe. Elizabeth is shocked and looks at Mr. Fox, who says nothing. Alison looks on, already knowing this. But Mukki conveys that a native developer told him the whole scheme, so don’t deny it. Alison, aligning with Mukki, tries to take his side, but Mukki accuses her of being on her dad’s side the whole time. Mukki says he doesn’t care about the plan, but he trusted him, looked to him as a mentor, and he betrayed him. Mr. Fox says he’s sorry he thinks that, but he really came around and tried to make it work out for him. How can Mukki believe that? And you– he looks at Alison, who is crushed that he thinks this sadly of her. Mr. Fox asks Mukki if the tribe was going to give the land back. They are considering it, but even if they keep it, they’ll never have dealings with Mr. Fox. That’s too bad, but whatever. Don’t you think you should thank me? Thank you? for what?! For making a man out of you. Ha! I’m no man. You brought the town together, that’s not something a mere boy could do. Yes, I brought them together against me. Details. I’m proud of you. Join the club. Alison is surprised at this response.
[something missing here]
– The town reverts to its previous legal status and picks up where it left off – able to pay its debt. Mr. Fox lands on his feet anyway – he was rich to begin with!
– The historian reveals that, though the colonist’s had stolen the land from his tribe, his tribe had themselves stolen it from another tribe before that. And the deed had been transferred by John Wompam anyway, illegally. This negates the original transfer to his tribe! Mukki can retire.
– The Thanksgiving show goes on. After the show, the Powwow Princess steps forward for Mukki, but he takes Alison’s hand (awkwardly?).
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Joaquin “Ibn Gray’s” Character Action Tracks!
My vision is that I am an A plus screenplay writer, producing extremely profitable films who write intriguing scripts that are produced into extremely profitable movies, that I cash large checks from.
Doing this assignment taught me the importance of visualizing scenes.
Brewford4-Act Structure – Act 1 PJS Opening, family rides across an open plain in 1863.
ACTION – Drives a two-horse wagon, remains quit, minding his business, pitches a campfire, fixes the wagon wheel with his son.
PJS – (added) Family is harassed before crossing the Texas border.
ACTION – He presents papers of identification. He is short with three men on horses asking for papers. He allows his wife to speak while he sizes the men up. He signals for his wife not to raise her double barrel shot gun she is concealing. He reasons.
Family arrives to new house 1865
ACTION – looks at his family as they brisk fully walk to the front door. He exhales then removes his hat as he steps toward his family. He doesn’t go in the house. He walks around the perimeter
PJS – (added) Family is given a sly welcome to the neighborhood. Brewford Jr aims a rifle to scare them away.
ACTION – He walks around to see BJ pointing a rifle at two men on horses. He signals BJ to settle down. He reasons with the men.
AJS Clyde is in town speaking with the Sheriff then gets word a new family has arrived in town. Clyde sits to play the piano.
ACTION – Clyde lights a cigar at the bar. Quietly walks to the piano Plays the piano aggressively yet beautifully. He instructs his men with whispers.
PJS – (added) Brewford and Brewford Jr ride into town.
ACTION – BS surveys every building and every face from the top of his horse. Dismounts at the town store. Walks into the store with BJ. Hands him a bag allowing him to leave. .
AJS II : Clyde tells his men to go bring him the young boy, Brewford Jr.
ACTION – Watches BS and BJ ride into town while playing the piano. Motions to his man whispers in his ear. Grabs his continuing to play with one hand.
PJS II: Son gets kid napped by local townsmen.
ACTION – Scrambles to find BJ almost a panic. Rushes in and out of buildings. Walks into the saloon.
TP: Brewford confronts Clyde about his son missing. Brewford sniffs out the lie Clyde tells.
Act 2 Reaction: PJS: Brewford attempts to attack Clyde but fails.
AJS Reaction: Calm cool and collected as his me handle the light work.
ACTION – Smokes a cigar, blows smoke in BS face.
PJS The plan: Go back to town a gather some troops.
ACTION – Gives a motivational speech.
AJS The plan: Returns to the plantation to train his horses.
ACTION – Arrives home goes straight to the horses. Admires the animals. Talks to BJ. Visits a slave.
PJS Turning point 2: While gathering troops Brewfords daughter is kidnapped.
ACTION – Chases men on horse. Fires a rifle.
AJS Turning point 2: Has a moment realizing what Brewford did, so he sends word to kidnap Brewfords daughter.
ACTION – Reads a book, hits the arm of his chair.
Act 3 PJS The Women of the town take Brewford to meet a few ex-soldiers.
AJS Prepares to possibly be visited by Bewford.
ACTION – Polishes two knifes. Plays the piano.
PJS New Plan: The ex-soldiers agree to help Brewford rescue his children, some of their Children have been kidnapped also by Clyde.
ACTION – Trains with the town’s men. Prepares weapons.
PJS Mid-point: Before they leave to fight a few of their horses go missing.
ACTION – Pares people to ride together. Organizes people to fight.
Act 4 PJS The women mount up and ride the men onto the plantation and fight alongside them.
AJS Clyde meets Brewford toe to toe for a fight.
ACTION – Fights BS with the knifes. Lowers them to the ground then squares off to box.
PJS Brewford and Clyde square off face to face, they fight and Brewford kills him. The children are let out of captivity by the women. The US Calvery rides into town declaring slavery against the law.
ACTION – He squares off to have a bare-knuckle fight. BS body slams him. He chocks Clyde out killing him.
Joaquin “Ibn Gray”
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John T’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.
What I learned doing this assignment is that character traits and journeys pave the way for their actions and story development.
Phil – loner, building rage, clever, fearless, guilt-ridden
Ben – ambitious, risk taker, something to prove. Ethical.Louise – conflicted, lovelorn, desperate, possessive, polite.
Act 1:
Opening – Phil attends the b-day for his adopted niece, Megan, who lives down the street. Pilots Drew and Chet and Flight Attendants Rhonda, Louse and Georgia celebrate Megans’s new job as a flight attendant, a job Phil helped her get. Megan keeps hugging Phil. The flight attendants note this is kind of weird.Phil attends to his rare coin collection, suddenly becomes deeply disturbed. Sits alone in his living room, brooding, talking to himself. (Later we find out his wound is over the death of his wife. He feels guilty because he was unable to defend her from a violent attack. He constantly relives the memory of being unable to save her.
Out for a walk on a downtown layover, Phil sees a pair of hoodlums assaulting a hooker. (Later revealed that her customer was a girl. ) Phil takes them out mercilessly. He knows martial arts and knife tactics. Leaves them both near death.
Inciting Incident – Two nights later Megan is knifed by an unknown masked attacker. [But where?] Phil finds her body, steps in her blood. Phil chases a burglar suspect in his neighborhood, loses him. [Is the suspect real or imagined? Is this retaliation for knifing the johns?]
Phil promises Megan’s mother that he will not rest until the killer is caught. He means it.
Turning Point 1: FBI agent Ben is put on the case as a chance to prove himself. He opens an investigation because Megan’s mom tells him the killer had out-of-state plates. Ben’s under the gun for failing to follow up with an important interview. He lives under the shadow of his father’s legacy, a by-the-book veteran. Ben interviews Phil. Phil is tight-lipped.
The chief pilot observes how despondent Phil is, gives him some time off.
We see Phil having an attentive conversation with someone at a cozy restaurant booth. But as we pan to the side, we see that no one’s there. The waitress looks concerned. Has Phil lost it?
Act 2
Phil goes back to work, on his regular flight route, greeted by FA’s Rhonda, Louise, and Georgia, all of whom express their sympathy and try to cheer him up on a layover. Louise expresses to the FA’s how much she would like to have a relationship with Phil.
On the same trip. Phil scolds his co-pilot. On the layover, he meets a flight attendant from another airline and has a drink with her. She’s a therapist there to help him. Louise appears jealous.
Phil takes an advanced course in assault tactics using knives.
Ben struggles to pass his FBI fitness test. Not the athletic type. He also barely passes his shooting accuracy test.
Midpoint Turning Point – Phil stands over the body of the same FA he had a drink with from a different airline in her hotel room, the door left ajar. Murdered the same way as Megan, repeatedly stabbed. Phil picks up, drops the murder weapon, a knife.
Phil is questioned by the police and later by FBI agent Ben – now considers Phil the prime suspect.
Phil finds out the suspect he chased after Megan’s murder was caught and released. He is angered by this.
Phil is puzzled by a similar murder so soon after Megan’s death. Finds similarities. He makes a file analyzing the two murders. Phil suspects that Agent Ben is tapping his phone, misinterpreting his answers over the phone. and his inconsistent answers to his earlier questions. Ben comes to Phil’s house. Phil slips out the back. Phil decides to do his own investigation.
Phil checks into a hotel with Louise. With her help [she secretly fetches his clothes], goes on another weekly trip with the same group of flight attendants. Phil snubs Louise’s advances – he’s not ready for another relationship. Louise is stunned, but undaunted.
While on a trip, Phil’s home is searched by Ben and his partner, Ned. They have a limited search warrant but Ned improperly finds Phil’s file. finds Phil’s file, full of details of the murders. Ben is compelled not to use it.
Plan in action – Using algorithms, Phil figures out the killer’s MO and where the next murder is likely to take place.
Phil gets chewed out by his supervisor for how he handles the search warrant.
Based on Phil’s file, Ben flies to the city that Phil has marked on the map and the hotel Phil has circled. [Is this the layover hotel or a different one.]
Act 3:
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift –
Another layover murder – it’s Phil’s therapist. The killer must be an airline person. Phil receives an anonymous message to check on her. Enters the room just after the murder.Ben looks for Phil. Tipped off by Louise, Phil goes underground. Ben almost catches Phil on the run. Ben is out of shape. Later, Louise helps Phill elude Ben.
– Phil decides he must vindicate himself by solving the murders and clear his name. He practices his knife moves.
Flashback: An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to dress up like a girl. Who is the boy?
Rhonda discovers evidence that implicates Phil, rats him out to Ben. Now Ben is ready to pounce.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –
Shaken by the killings, Phil seeks the comfort of Louise and her friend, Tammy. Tammy is taken up with Phil talks about hooking up with him. Louise scowls.Phil drives to the friend Tammy’s apartment. Phil shows up, sees the friend tied up. Tipped off by Rhonda, Agent Ben races to Tammy’s apartment.
Ben shoots Phil thinking he’s the killer . The masked killer stabs Ben. Phil charges, wig and mask fall off – it’s Louise aka Lewis. He is shocked but Lewis tries to explain that he loves him. “I would die for you.” Phil musters all his energy, charges Lewis . They both go over the edge. Phil lands on the lower floor balcony, hanging on for dear life. Same for Lewis – he tells Phil he killed the girls so they could be together. Phil uses a newly learned knife move, stabs Lewis’ hand, kicks him off the rail. Lewis falls to his death.
Resolution – we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis. Phil visits Ben in the hospital. Ben heals, gets promoted.
Phil dines in the same restaurant as before, having a conversation with his dead wife. The waitress asks if it helps. Phil nods, says goodbye to his wife. He’s ready for a new relationship.
Ben gets promoted., rewards Phil for his bravery. Phil has learned to appreciate life. Ready for a new relationship.
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Jamie Handley MOD 4 DAY 4
Because of a life rights bailout and waiting on one last copyright permission (now have) I had to reconstruct my entire script’s story. The concept is the same.
After an horrific accident, a woman shares her knowledge of medical negligence to her friends until she discovers the medical mafia and her closest friend is about to undergo a complex surgery by a surgeon who is connected to the mob.
WITHOUT RECOURSE “INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY”
In order to get to the first draft, MOD 5, I will come back daily to do the lessons in MOD 4 (which I feel is very important) one day at a time. For now this is my rough outline.
ACT 1
Arizona 2020
Justine is royally pissed off at someone (Marsha) on the phone, screaming and we hear the conversation. She’s a real bitch.
Justine’s been caring for her dying mother for seven years, exhausted and has physical issues. She wears a full back brace. Her mother, Sarah, falls, becomes unconscious. Firemen and ambulance attend to her. The chaos and sirens stir an old memory of a horrific accident she had years ago that changed her life forever.
FLASHBACK
JUNE 1994 Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Justine is in a complicated relationship with Davidson Wentworth, a wealthy, good looking slick man. She is financially dependent on him with her floral shop. The shop is her life until her accident, is airflighted to a Reno Hospital. An ambulance chaser lawyer finds her in hospital, she’s tempted to sign but her associate at the shop, Gemma, squashes that. She’s bedridden for days, released from hospital, has Gemma to help her while Davidson out of town.
When he returns she has nothing nice to say. In fact she can’t stand him right now. He doesn’t want to get involved.
Weeks are spent between the shop, medical issues and legal meetings. She finds a local attorney in town, William Randell who she signs with until later he fails to show in court. Her case is thrown out of court. Justine turns into a real bitch again. Snappy and short tempered. Now she has to plead to Davidson for help, once again at his mercy. He offers his attorney, Donavon Pierce.
Gemma brings up how crooked Donavon is, heard he was part of a new mafia, the medical mafia (signs with him anyway) Gemma thinks Davidson is around waiting for his share of the money or make her sell the shop. Justine doesn’t believe either.
Tired of the pain, the pills, office visits, is advised by seven surgeons that she needs surgery except one, who she blows up at in his office, but soon after she succumbs. She calls a close friend, Jax, a renowned floral designer, for help with the shop but to no avail. Calls daughter, Gracie, who comes to Tahoe while she goes to…
Turning Point
California, where her mother, Sarah, lives and has the surgery, almost dies. As she heals, Donovan calls about the settlement offer, she refuses. Davidson intervenes, meets with Donovan, he has his ways with Justine. He’ll get her to agree. She returns to Tahoe, Gracie returns home.
Reunited, happy to see the shop doing well and Gemma, Gemma happens to bring “the medical mafia article” to the shop for Justine to see. It shows a photo of the two men involved. Justine is still in disbelief, thinks it’s all politics.
Conference – Justine meets with Davidson before the final settlement offer hearing. At the meeting it’s the “good-old-boys” (Judge Blankenship, Donovan and Davidson) who all went to school together.
She is pressured to take the final offer, by the Judge and Donovan. However, final payment could take months because she signed a LOP (Letter of Protection aka medical lien) with Donovan. They settle out of court, but something doesn’t feel right to Justine, but what?
Davidson and Justine attend a large party with A-list professionals, investors, doctors etc. When the Judge and Donovan arrive this causes a big problem with Justine. She soon learns that Davidson is an investor in companies she’s never heard about. Who is he really?
NOTE – HERE’S WHERE WE MEET THE BIG ROLLERS IN THE MAFIA
AT A PARTY; Davidson, Donovan, Lucas, Judge, Dr. Sherman (Jax & Marsha’s surgeon) Neil Watson (Insurance adjuster @ settlement & 2 other men), Edward Grant CEO of D.W.E. Services, Inc./ medical & legal services (Davidson is an investor) and other faces in the court case and places to come. Several people are attending but not known at this stage of Act 1.
That night Justine finds an enormous wad of cash, a check (stating referral fee) from Donovan to Davidson and confronts him. Referral for what? He won’t say. None of her fucking business. They have a row, (she doesn’t know him kind of fight) and decides to leave him, close the shop and move to Arizona where it’s warm and good for her body. And she does.
ACT 2
BACK TO SCENE
2020 The beginning of COVID in ARIZONA
Justine falls over the oxygen line of Sarah’s and breaks her hip. Justine fakes that she has no pain until it’s so bad she is unable to walk. She calls Gracie to come help with Sarah but she’s the one who needs help but would never admit it.
Gracie shows up, moves in, but brings her significant other, Nathan with her, without asking or letting anyone know. This is a big upset, for everyone, even for Sarah. Sarah confronts Gracie with a lecture, men, money, future and health.
Justine must have surgery, signs an AMA, (Against Medical Advise) and walks out of hospital day after surgery. Two days later Sarah dies. Justine is devastated and despondent. She receives insurance money that Sarah left for her. (Sarah no longer cares about money like she once did)
Jax comes to help Justine and Gracie. Jax demands Justine come back with him to San Diego and recoup. She packs and goes with him.
Turing Point 2
SAN DIEGO
Little by little Jax helps her come around; walks on beach, dinners. The two go out to Lips, a drag queen dinner show, where Jax, a real boozer, meets up with his lover, Lucas Pierce, a good looking lawyer.
She gets drunk. Lucas and Justine spar over the law, brings up her court case and the good-old-boys and mafia. Big difference of opinion, she doesn’t like him. Next day she returns home.
ARIZONA
NOTE: WORK ON THIS….Gracie has the house decorated with Christmas. It feels good to be home for the first time in a long time. Could things get to being normal?
Turning Point 2/Midpoint
NEVADA
Lucas calls Justine to notify that Jax was in an accident but not a bad one. They went to Las Vegas to party but he’s going to stay with his mother, Karlie, who has a good doctor and lawyer. He hits Ellis Kilpatrick, an FBI agent.
Jax needs Gracie to cover an important event for him.
NOTE: AT HOTEL, CONFERENCE WITH THE MEDICAL DEVICE MAKERS. We see a lot of the familiar faces of surgeons.
ARIZONA
Justine gets on the phone, preaches about doctors and lawyers in Nevada. She shares the story of a friend, Marsha, who lives in Vegas whose spine caved in after a surgery there. His name doesn’t come to mind. MONTAGE OR SERIES – Sharing the story of lifelong friend, Marsha.
NOTE: Surgery is with Dr. Sherman & Cohen. Marsha’s lawyer is Donald Wittman.
Justine has her monthly visit with her primary, Dr. T. She questions is knowledge of the medical mafia, is it real? Dr. T. evades the question. [ETHICS] She borrows a book (Danger Within Us) from him.
Gracie gets package from Lucas with all the arrangements for the San Diego event. Jax has her to sign a confidential document, (like the one they did in Hawaii at a very private affair). She pays no mind. Nathan is pissed. They argue, she’s about done with him.
Justine and Gracie go to airport. Gracie confides about Nathan with Justine. They go their separate ways.
ACT 3
NEVADA
Justine arrives in Nevada to see Jax. At the hospital, TWO men shake hands, (Lucas and Granger) another with his back turned (Dr. Taylor Sherman) as he talks with Dr. Cohen, and she walks by unnoticed. The men appear to be sales reps, impressively dressed, both with identical expensive briefcases.
Justine turns around, Lucas puts a large envelope in his case, she notices, they don’t see her. Door shuts and Lucas slithers away with briefcase.
As she enters room, Jax is drugged up good. Tries to ask question him, he’s out of it.
Dr. Sherman enters room with Dr. Cohen and Joseph Granger, both with documents in hand.
Sherman – “he’ll need surgery down the road”, introduces Dr. Cohen as he’ll be doing the surgery, but with no insurance that’s when Granger steps up with a LOP document. Justine interrupts, refers to Jax as her brother, takes documents and they’ll get back with them after discussing with mother. (Karlie)
Justine’s beyond pissed, “I told you do not have surgery, you are going to have to learn to live with pain, there are no recourses.” Jax drifts off until…
Nurse walks in hands Jax an envelope. Inside a get well note from Ellis Kilpatrick with his business card. (FBI investigator) Justine reads it, questions it and keeps it.
Act 3 Turning Point
ARIZONA
WEEKS LATER
Justine gets a call from Karlie. Jax has met with an attorney, Donald Wittman who has been persuaded Jax to have the surgery, refers him to see a Dr. Cohen, for a spine surgery that he doesn’t need. Justine is alarmed. How did Wittman get involved? Why? It puzzles her.
Justine calls Davidson, brings him up to date with Jax. “But why would a FBI Agent give his card?” She asks for his help since Donovan says he won’t. He’ll get back with her.
Later that night she gets out the mafia article and rereads it. Justine studies the photo of the TWO MEN (Wittman and Sherman) with Lucas in background. (We can’t make it out well but it is Dr. Sherman) Suddenly she gets worried and scared.
Gracie overhears the conversation, calls Davidson. They have a long conversation about Justine and helping Jax. Gracie explains the situation but Davidson already knows all about it. She asks him to visit mom but he can’t, he has an important meeting in the morning.
Justine starts looking on the computer for anything. She discovers a worldwide medical website, BECKER’S , that releases information on surgeons who are corrupt and have bilked millions of dollars in kickback schemes. She dumbfounded. This goes on for days as she prints out the articles for herself and to share with Davidson and Jax.
NEVADA
Davidson calls Donovan and sets up a meeting with Dr. Sherman and Lucas. Donovan knows something about Lucas and he can’t be trusted. He’s a heat-seeking homing missile. He’s getting greedy and he can do some real damage. They need to talk in private.
The four meet for lunch. Bits and pieces are shared about, Ellis, too many surgeries, money, prescriptions, and work load. Sherman is beyond capacity with surgeries. Grapevine has it there’s an investigation under hat.
Davidson and Donovan leave together, step away and talk in private. Their conversation is about getting immunity if they become a government witness.
NOTE: MARK JACOBSON, DEFENSE ATTORNEY, claims that should have been minor, like Jax, were becoming major. Treated usually treated with P.T. were undergoing drastic spine-fusion surgeries. Some insurers sent in their top lawyers. There is 80 billion in insurance fraud annually. They even held an unusual meeting more than a dozen D.A. attended. Grainger offers protection, no malpractice suits, even threatens associates. Expert witnesses don’t want involved with us. Grainger thinks he’s a fixer for us but he’s going cause some real problems. Patients all signed medical liens (LOP) RIGHT!
ARIZONA
Davidson comes to Arizona to see Justine. They go to dinner, Davidson gathers information (she gives him many of Becker’s articles and goes back to his hotel where she spends the night with him.
At the hotel Davidson takes out his DEA Investigator badge, puts on counter without thinking along with the Becker files. Justine looks for a file, finds badge and asks for explanations. He does his best but there is so much he cannot talk about.
Davidson asks her to come to Tahoe and stay, maybe even get some rest, saying how much has changed, including him. She becomes enraged, refuses his offer and walks out again. Same old shit. She should have known better.
ACT 4
NOTE- Davidson has been following the pill-mill since Justine’s accident. That’s why he let her go so easily.
ARIZONA
Justine is beside herself. Calls to check on Jax, but he’s not around. Phone rings, it’s Marsha’s brother, Mike. Marsha had another surgery, got a blood clot, they caught it in time but is now paralyzed from the waist down. She wants to end her life and Mike doesn’t know what to do.
She didn’t take your advice when you last spoke, remember, you were yelling! Ya, gotta come help her. Justine breaks down in tears.
NEVADA
Jax is calling, stops the conversation with Mike…gotta take this call, call you later.
Jax didn’t do the surgery. Mr. Kilpatrick shed the light on the investigation with Jax. Jax will be a star witness. He’s doing ok and going to p.t. like Justine told him. Lucas won’t talk to Jax and has shut the door on him. But, the p.t. is pretty fine!!!
ARIZONA
Justine and Gracie have a heart-to-heart. The confidentiality agreement from Jax was really his will, leaving his home to Justine and business to Gracie if he dies. Justine is giving Gracie money to rent a small store front for her business. Justine gets a certified letter. Davidson sends a copy of his indictment (he’s turned government witness in Jax’s case) along with a ticket to fly in to Tahoe.
NEVADA – TAHOE
Davidson picks her up at airport. He shows up in a pick-up truck, not a limo like he would normally have done. They drive up Mt. Rose highway to Tahoe but it’s not the same home. It’s totally different. It’s just a nice comfortable cabin.
Justine is totally confused and begins with all her questions. Davidson admits to her who he really is, just a man doing his job, had to play a role. He beings to explain everything and she stops him in his tracks. NOW WHAT??? Where do we go from here? How about Montana? I bought us 20 acres and we can build whatever kind of home you want.
Justine wants to save it for another day maybe another time. She calls Gemma and they meet for lunch and catch up on all the daily gossip. Justine grabs the newspaper and finds a small article where a Las Vegas Medical group and a dozens of surgeons and personal-injury lawyers were charged with fraud, conspiracy and witness tampering.
Gemma takes Justine to airport. She stops in Las Vegas where Mike picks her up. She goes to see Marsha. They reunite, tears fall, 50+ years of friendship isn’t going to stop Justine from seeing Marsha.
NEED ENDING SHOTS…SERIES OR MONTAGE. Come back to this.
THEN:
REAL SHOTS OF HEADLINES ONE BY ONE:
New York neurosurgeon indicted for unnecessary, invasive tests in kickback scheme
Texas spine surgeon sued by an insurer who alleged he performed medically unnecessary procedures to inflate personal injury claim. $1.1M in damages
Hospital, orthopedic surgeon share liability in $6.3M verdict
Chiropractor sentenced to 14 months in spine surgery kickback scheme
Olympic volleyball player permanently paralyzed from chest down with spinal surgery.
20 doctors under the government’s cross hairs.
NOTE: ATTACHED DOCUMENT FROM BECKERS’ January 2018 – August 2022 SENTENCING CONTINUES IN CALIFORNIA SPINE KICKBACK CASE: 6 developments in 4+ years. (15 year scheme $500 M in fraud bill & $40 million in kickback; Dr Capen $5M in kickbacks , Full pardon to Taustino Bernadett, MD sentenced to 15 months in prison in illegal kickback scheme )
Hundreds of patients harmed by surgeons, maybe thousands and thousands we haven’t discover yet.
Former Sanford Health neurosurgeon to pay $4.4.M to resolve kickback charges.Ndw trial required for Missouri neurosurgeon’s kickback case.
Medical Mafia makes $80 Billion Killing
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John T’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.
What I learned doing this assignment is that character traits and journeys pave the way for their actions and story development.
Phil – loner, building rage, clever, fearless, guilt-ridden
Ben – ambitious, risk taker, something to prove. Ethical.
Louise – conflicted, lovelorn, desperate, possessive, polite.
Act 1:
Opening – Phil attends the b-day for his adopted niece, Megan, who lives down the street. Pilots Drew and Chet and Flight Attendants Rhonda, Louse and Georgia celebrate Megans’s new job as a flight attendant, a job Phil helped her get. Megan keeps hugging Phil. The flight attendants note this is kind of weird.Phil attends to his rare coin collection, suddenly becomes deeply disturbed. Sits alone in his living room, brooding, talking to himself. (Later we find out his wound is over the death of his wife. He feels guilty because he was unable to defend her from a violent attack. He constantly relives the memory of being unable to save her.
Out for a walk on a downtown layover, Phil sees a pair of hoodlums assaulting a hooker. (Later revealed that her customer was a girl. ) Phil takes them out mercilessly. He knows martial arts and knife tactics. Leaves them both near death.
Inciting Incident – Two nights later Megan is knifed by an unknown masked attacker. [But where?] Phil finds her body, steps in her blood. Phil chases a burglar suspect in his neighborhood, loses him. [Is the suspect real or imagined? Is this retaliation for knifing the johns?]
Phil promises Megan’s mother that he will not rest until the killer is caught. He means it.
Turning Point 1: FBI agent Ben is put on the case as a chance to prove himself. He opens an investigation because Megan’s mom tells him the killer had out-of-state plates. Ben’s under the gun for failing to follow up with an important interview. He lives under the shadow of his father’s legacy, a by-the-book veteran. Ben interviews Phil. Phil is tight-lipped.
The chief pilot observes how despondent Phil is, gives him some time off.
We see Phil having an attentive conversation with someone at a cozy restaurant booth. But as we pan to the side, we see that no one’s there. The waitress looks concerned. Has Phil lost it?
Act 2
Phil goes back to work, on his regular flight route, greeted by FA’s Rhonda, Louise, and Georgia, all of whom express their sympathy and try to cheer him up on a layover. Louise expresses to the FA’s how much she would like to have a relationship with Phil.
On the same trip. Phil scolds his co-pilot. On the layover, he meets a flight attendant from another airline and has a drink with her. She’s a therapist there to help him. Louise appears jealous.
Phil takes an advanced course in assault tactics using knives.
Ben struggles to pass his FBI fitness test. Not the athletic type. He also barely passes his shooting accuracy test.
Midpoint Turning Point – Phil stands over the body of the same FA he had a drink with from a different airline in her hotel room, the door left ajar. Murdered the same way as Megan, repeatedly stabbed. Phil picks up, drops the murder weapon, a knife.
Phil is questioned by the police and later by FBI agent Ben – now considers Phil the prime suspect.
Phil finds out the suspect he chased after Megan’s murder was caught and released. He is angered by this.
Phil is puzzled by a similar murder so soon after Megan’s death. Finds similarities. He makes a file analyzing the two murders. Phil suspects that Agent Ben is tapping his phone, misinterpreting his answers over the phone. and his inconsistent answers to his earlier questions. Ben comes to Phil’s house. Phil slips out the back. Phil decides to do his own investigation.
Phil checks into a hotel with Louise. With her help [she secretly fetches his clothes], goes on another weekly trip with the same group of flight attendants. Phil snubs Louise’s advances – he’s not ready for another relationship. Louise is stunned, but undaunted.
While on a trip, Phil’s home is searched by Ben and his partner, Ned. They have a limited search warrant but Ned improperly finds Phil’s file. finds Phil’s file, full of details of the murders. Ben is compelled not to use it.
Plan in action – Using algorithms, Phil figures out the killer’s MO and where the next murder is likely to take place.
Phil gets chewed out by his supervisor for how he handles the search warrant.
Based on Phil’s file, Ben flies to the city that Phil has marked on the map and the hotel Phil has circled. [Is this the layover hotel or a different one.]
Act 3:
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift –
Another layover murder – it’s Phil’s therapist. The killer must be an airline person. Phil receives an anonymous message to check on her. Enters the room just after the murder.Ben looks for Phil. Tipped off by Louise, Phil goes underground. Ben almost catches Phil on the run. Ben is out of shape. Later, Louise helps Phill elude Ben.
– Phil decides he must vindicate himself by solving the murders and clear his name. He practices his knife moves.
Flashback: An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to dress up like a girl. Who is the boy?
Rhonda discovers evidence that implicates Phil, rats him out to Ben. Now Ben is ready to pounce.
Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –
Shaken by the killings, Phil seeks the comfort of Louise and her friend, Tammy. Tammy is taken up with Phil talks about hooking up with him. Louise scowls.Phil drives to the friend Tammy’s apartment. Phil shows up, sees the friend tied up. Tipped off by Rhonda, Agent Ben races to Tammy’s apartment.
Ben shoots Phil thinking he’s the killer . The masked killer stabs Ben. Phil charges, wig and mask fall off – it’s Louise aka Lewis. He is shocked but Lewis tries to explain that he loves him. “I would die for you.” Phil musters all his energy, charges Lewis . They both go over the edge. Phil lands on the lower floor balcony, hanging on for dear life. Same for Lewis – he tells Phil he killed the girls so they could be together. Phil uses a newly learned knife move, stabs Lewis’ hand, kicks him off the rail. Lewis falls to his death.
Resolution – we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis. Phil visits Ben in the hospital. Ben heals, gets promoted.
Phil dines in the same restaurant as before, having a conversation with his dead wife. The waitress asks if it helps. Phil nods, says goodbye to his wife. He’s ready for a new relationship.
Ben gets promoted., rewards Phil for his bravery. Phil has learned to appreciate life. Ready for a new relationship.
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