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Day 5 Assignments
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George Petersen CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS!
My Vision is to direct one of my screenplays as a low-budget indie feature.
What I learned from this assignment is that it’s a lot easier to fill in blanks than it is to fill in a blank page.
The Summer of Haight
Genre: Thriller
ACT 1: Story Goal: To introduce the inexplicable problem of the will
INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably commands Longfellow to draw up a will leaving all his wealth to a good-for-nothing hippie no one has ever heard of.
Longfellow Action: with the instructions for the new will in his hand, Longfellow is forced to choose between giving the paper back to Jonathan or putting it in his pocket. He puts the paper in his pocket.
Longfellow PJ1: Longfellow solemnly promises never to interfere with the will, understanding that it would end his friendship with Jonathan forever.
Longfellow PJ2: Not able to endure the mystery anymore, Longfellow wants answers and breaks his promise and follows Youngblood on one of his escapades into the Haight-Ashbury, risking his friendship with Jonathan, which means more to him than anything.
Longfellow Action: in the middle of the night, Longfellow takes his place amidst the shadows across the street from the cellar door of Jonathan’s mansion and waits.
Youngblood AJ1: Youngblood introduces himself to the story as a hippie who feels liberated to indulge himself in insatiable self-gratification on an insane level, without limits.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood indulges in painting flower girls nude bodies with DayGlo colors.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood splays his painted nude body down long stretches of butcher paper, creating abstract “art” in the process. Prudish, aristocratic Longfellow is aghast.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow photographs Youngblood in action.
Longfellow Action: in a thick fog, Longfellow blocks Youngblood’s path to the cellar door.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow picks up the key, holds it out to Youngblood.
Longfellow PJ3: Longfellow confronts Youngblood, threatens him with legal action if he harms Jonathan in any way.
Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.
TURNING POINT 1: Youngblood presents his personal key to the back door of Jonathan’s mansion. He has a right to be here. Back off.
ACT 2: Story Goal: to transfer Jonathan’s wealth to Youngblood.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow presents his black and white photos of Youngblood going crazy in the Haight.
Longfellow PJ4: Longfellow presents a passionate report to Jonathan on the out of this world craziness of Youngblood.
Jonathan Triangle 1: Jonathan explodes at Longfellow for investigating Youngblood.
Longfellow PJ5: Longfellow presents the will to Jonathan for his signature. It’s final.
Jonathan Triangle 2: Jonathan breaks off his friendship with Longfellow.
Longfellow PJ6: Longfellow goes into a deep depression over the loss of his beloved friendship.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in a bottle.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood exits the mansion’s front door, catches sight of Longfellow, walks away hurriedly, avoiding him.
Longfellow comes to the door, asks for Jonathan. Alfred tells him that Jonathan has disappeared. Longfellow: I thought Youngblood only used the back door.
INCITING INCIDENT: Jonathan inexplicably disappears, kicking off the timer for the 100 day disappearance clause in the will.
Youngblood AJ2: Youngblood demands that Longfellow execute the will.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood shows up at the mansion with a suitcase. Starts barking orders to Alfred and the staff, who plead with Longfellow to intervene.
Longfellow makes excuses. Delay tactic.
PLACEHOLDER: it gets ugly between Longfellow and Youngblood.
Longfellow Action: Determined to find out what Youngblood has done with Jonathan or his body, Longfellow follows Youngblood into the Haight again. Youngblood senses he’s being followed. Another murder. Longfellow is seriously wounded. A hippie photographer, Hubie, saves him.
Longfellow PJ7: IRONY: making one last gasp effort, Longfellow goes against Jonathan’s last wishes and disputes the will in a behind the doors arbitration, but is told, to his horror, that it is his friendship with Jonathan that makes the will irrevocable and credible.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood pulls up to the mansion in a small moving van, the cab crushed with giggling flower girls. Youngblood physically moves all his belongings and the flower girls into the mansion to the horror of Alfred the butler and the staff. The cook complains that Youngblood eats nonstop, like a ravenous animal.
Alfred comes to see Longfellow, pleads for his intervention.
Longfellow action: Longfellow shows up at the mansion with a police officer and a letter of eviction.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood presents the key as proof of Jonathan’s intentions that he and he alone should have access to the mansion. After all, where’s Longfellow’s key?
Youngblood AJ3: Youngblood forces Longfellow to execute the will. The 100 days are up.
Longfellow PJ8: Jonathan’s “disappearance” is finalized and confirmed.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes the new will to Youngblood for his signature. Longfellow is a broken man. It strikes him as odd that Youngblood should know so many details of the will.
TURNING POINT 2: Youngblood inherits Jonathan’s wealth lock, stock and barrel.
Youngblood Action: Youngblood holds all-night wild parties with vagrant hippies in the mansion to Longfellow’s dismay.
Longfellow PJ9: Longfellow sinks into a deep depression.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow takes comfort in the bottle again, smashes a cherished framed picture of Jonathan and himself in better times, a symbol of their unbreakable friendship.
Deeper Level: Longfellow has no idea that Youngblood is an expression of Jonathan’s dark side.
ACT 3: Story Goal: to execute the plan with a Haight-Ashbury hippie photographer, Hubie, to capture Youngblood red-handed.
Longfellow PJ10: determined to get back at Youngblood and with the aid of a photographer who hangs out in the Haight, Longfellow puts together a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed in the act of murder.
PLACEHOLDER: What is Longfellow’s plan?
And what is Youngblood’s weakness that Longfellow targets?
And how does Youngblood discover the plan?
TURNING POINT 3: but a thick blanket of fog rolls in at the worst time; the plans fails miserably, ending in the photographer, Hubie, getting killed by Youngblood.
Longfellow PJ11: Longfellow sinks to the lower depths. All is lost.
Longfellow Action: Longfellow drowns himself in sorrow.
ACT 4: Story Goal: to coordinate with the entire police force in a plan to capture Youngblood red-handed.
Longfellow PJ12: The detective shows up at Longfellow’s trashed apartment, sobers him up. She presents him with new evidence, offers to help.
PLACEHOLDER: What is the new evidence?
Longfellow PJ13: Longfellow makes the case to the department: The stimulating environment of the Be-In will be too much for Youngblood to resist. His heightened animal like instincts will go wild. He won’t be able to control himself.
Climax: Longfellow coordinates a plan with the full police department to catch Youngblood red-handed at the Be-In. Hippie garb for everyone, including Longfellow.
Youngblood AJ4: sure enough, at the the Be-In, Youngblood’s desire to kill for pleasure is irresistible once again.
Youngblood AJ5: Youngblood is caught in the act of killing by Longfellow.
Longfellow PJ14: Longfellow leads the chase across the city to capture Youngblood.
IRONIC DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Metamorphosis: Longfellow is faced with the reality that in killing Youngblood in an effort to protect Jonathan, he has in fact killed Jonathan, his best friend.
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Ron’s Character Reactions!
VISION: I want the success and recognition of being an in demand, A-list screenwriter who writes successful films that are financially profitable, award winning and of enduring quality.
What I learned from doing this assignment is that the pieces of my script are starting to come together.
High concept: After the son of a powerful Mafia godfather convinces the godfather’s mail order bride, the son’s lover, to kill the godfather and take over his criminal empire, she has second thoughts and looks for a way to extricate herself from this treacherous plot.
Activity: …creating interesting action for my characters.
2. Select your Protagonist and go through the process above to make sure every beat has action that comes from their Profile.
3. Do the same with your Antagonist.
4. If there is a Triangle character, do the process with that character.
CHANGES
TO THE OUTLINE NOTED IN
Italics
PJ1- Lucia
AJ1- Godfather’s son
AJ2 Godfather
Beginning:
PJ1- Lucia is on the Internet dreaming of meeting a man and escaping her environment. Her mother berates her for wasting her time dreaming
AJ2—The godfather is at a party with wife celebrating his 25<sup>th</sup> wedding anniversary.
AJ1- is in back room having sex with worker instead of minding his father’s protection
AJ2, the godfather, and wife ambushed by rival. His wife is killed.
Godfather’s consigliere saves Godfather’s life, is wounded but survives. Godfather vows revenge on rival
AJ2 takes AJI off security management, angering AJ! Godfather appoints his consigliere. AJI vows revenge.
Short tempered, AJI goes into a fit of rage and trashes bedroom
AJ2 kills the gangsters who kill his wife, setting up mob war.
PJ1 is beat up by abusive boyfriend, makes her more determined to leave.
AJ1- secretly meets with AJ1’s rival. They make a deal and plan to overthrow AJ2
Inciting Incident: PJ1 and AJ2
meet on the internet. AJ2 comes over to Italy to see PJ1PJI’S boy friend is jealous. Wants her to stay away from AJ2.
0
Turning Point 1: WHEN BOYFRIEND
IS AGRESSIVE WITH PJ1, SHE accidently kills him. AJ2 helps her cover it
up.PJ1 and AJ2 leave for U.S.
AJI sees picture of PJI and is enamoored. Plots seduction of PJ1
.
Act 2
PJ1 enters hostile mob
environment. They don’t want AJ2 to marry her but he does.<i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>AJI feigns support of PJI in effort to
seduce herPJI BEFRIENDS AJ2’S MOTHER, WHO ACTS LIKE SHE SUFFERS FROM DEMENTIA, BUT IS AWARE OF EVERYTHING GOING ON.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint– PJ1 is attracted to AJ1, He seduces her. AJ1 COMPLAINS TO PJI ABOUT AJ2 AND HOW TREATING HIM BADLY. Coaxes her to ENTER INTO PLOT TO kill AJ2
MOTHER WARNS PJI ABOUT GETTING INVOLVED WITH AJ1, BUT SHE IGNORES HER ADVICE
Deeper layer: AJ 1 is using PJ1 to eliminate AJ2
Act 3
AJ1 wants to kill AJ2, tries to draw PJ 1 into his plot to poison him. But PJ1 is ambivalent puts him off.
AJ2 IS KIND TO HER. Buys her expensive car.
Deeper layer: PJ1 is warming to AJ2
Turning Point 3:-
AJ2 GETS stroke, AJ1 sees chance to kill him.PJ1 hides AJ2 from
AJ1. AJ1 LEARNS WHERE PJI IS HIDING AJ2. AJQ GOES LOOKING FOR PJIMOTHER WARNS PJI.
PJI MEETS WITH AJ2’S RIVAL, STRKES DEAL, UNDERCUTS AJ1
.
Act 4 Climax:TO SAVE AJ2, PJ1
traps AJ1 and kills him. AJ2 EXPRESSES HIS GRATITUDEResolution: While AJ2
recovers from stroke he designates PJ 1 the acting head. They are a partnership<div>———————————————
</div>
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Marcus’ Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I have well-founded confidence that what I write is excellent and will be acknowledged as excellent by everyone who reads it.
Having written many scripts and read many books and articles on screenwriting, it comes naturally to me at this point to have my characters show as much by action as possible. This lesson was a review for me.
Movie Title: “Beyond the Faded Trail”
ACT 1: A burgeoning western town, rapidly growing. Jake Barnet has a business as a building contractor. He spends money as quickly as he gets it and is in debt.
Barnet thinks he’s in love with prostitute Charlotte. He “plays house” with her, but takes it seriously. He tries to buy her contract from the saloon/brothel owner, Alf. When Alf rejects his offer, Jake insists. Alf pulls out a gun and Jake immediately backs down.
Tries to find new business for his builders. Brings some prospective clients to see his latest building under construction, then to inciting incident.
Whitaker under his new identity, Isaac Castle, takes up residence in a new town. His skills as a carpenter get him a foreman job. He hires all experienced gunmen to work for him as carpenters. He sees wanted posters go up. He argues with Sheriff Edmund that hanging the posters all over town is stupid. Edmund ignores him and Castle takes a swing at him landing himself in jail overnight.
Rickey seeks revenge on the railroad. He has put together a gang to rob its payroll shipments. Rickey is smart about how he leads his gang and they are very successful. They catch a stage coach in a desolate area of road and quickly capture it. Rickey insists on executing the rail employees defending it. Some of his me think it overly harsh, but quickly forget when they get the chest full of money.
INCITING INCIDENT: A fire of unknown origin destroys Barnet’s building supplies (lumber) as well as damaging the building under construction.
Whitaker secretly burns his boss’ lumber and the building under construction.
TURNING POINT 1: The customer is angry with Barnet, who has no further source of wood. He threatens to go to Barnet’s competitor, and demands his money back. Barnet promises restitution.
Barnet decides to skip town. There’s nothing for him here.
Whitaker finds Barnet in his hotel room packing his case. He convinces Barnet to stay by telling him of a source of lumber as well as some hidden money, in an abandoned town. He tries to talk Barnet into sending him there with the men while Barnet stays in town and does damage control. Barnet doesn’t trust Castle and decides to go.
ACT 2: The journey to the ghost town.
One night, the men get drunk and start shooting at bottles. The intellectual Castle is reluctant to engage in this but is cajoled by the men. He can’t hit a single target. Barnet shows his fear of combat left over from the war, where he was a cavalry officer and saw atrocities. He asks them to stop shooting and they make fun of him. He leaps onto his horse, does riding tricks and as he passes by the bottles, shoots his pistol and hits all of them. He jumps off his horse onto the main guy making fun of him, tackles the guy, and holds a knife to his throat. Barnet thus gains the respect (and fear) of his men by showing his hidden skills – and temper. Castle has to pull him off. He goes into his tent and breaks down.
Rickey brings his gang to the weir that diverted water away from his town intending to blow it up and correct the direction of water flow. His gang is unhappy that there’s no money in it. He pulls his gun on them and threatens. He seduces Adelaide, who has come to see him as a real man and Whitaker as an indecisive coward.
TURNING POINT 2: Lucien Rickey’s gang rolls into town.
First night in Justice, Barnet suspects that it was Castle who burned the lumber. He is angry but avoids direct confrontation with Castle. Instead, they talk about why Castle didn’t run for mayor of their town. Castle admits who he is. Early the next morning, they spot Rickey’s gang on its way into town, unexpectedly.
ACT 3: Confrontation with the gang who uses the town as a hideout.
Barnet must decide whether to run and hide or try to overcome his fear of battle and lead his men.
TURNING POINT 3: Barnet takes charge.
It is revealed that Isaac Castle is really the outlaw Holland Whitaker.
Whitaker confronts Rickey, shoots at him but accidently hits Adelaide. A gunfight with Rickey’s gang ensues.
ACT 4: The big gunfight.
CLIMAX: Barnet sees Castle/Whitaker gunned down in the street. His men start an erratic disorganized gunfight. He must take action or flee. Barnet does not want to fight. But he overcomes his fears. He takes a few men and sneaks around the back of the saloon flanking Rickey and his men.
CHANGES REALITY: Barnet and his men feel like they’ve been tricked by Whitaker. But Barnet realizes that Whitaker has been preparing them all for this fight all along, even himself. The payoff for the men will be the reward money for Rickey, which Barnet will give to the men as a bonus and the lumber for Barnet who now takes his business more seriously.
Rickey guns down Whitaker and tries to help Adelaide. Adelaide crawls to Whitaker, rejecting Rickey and seeing him for what he is, a selfish, power-hungry crook. Rickey runs into a building with his men.
Barnet chases Rickey up an alley and they have a fight which Barnet wins using all his skills. He captures Rickey and hangs him.
RESOLUTION: Return to town where they get to work.
Settles into his business as a contractor with loyal hard-working men.
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Lynn Vincentnathan’s Character Action Tracks!
VISION: I am determined to become a great screenwriter capable of getting my screenplays in various genres produced into movies that inspire vast audiences to mitigate climate change.
I LEARNED from Mastery Session 10 Basic Plotting that I did previous assignment wrong. Here I reduce most beats to one sentence. This makes me see I need to conceive of beats as scenes with possible settings for the action. I’d done that for the beginning scenes and a few others, but I have now converted a bunch of non-scenes into scenes because action needs a place. Also it find it difficult putting action in this RomCom, but I have THE PROPOSAL to tell me RomComs can and do have action besides the lovey-dovey stuff. Also I’m including paralanguage and kinesics (e.g., expressions), but not dialogue here, since these are important “actions” in RomComs. I STILL NEED MORE AND BETTER ACTION and will be looking for it hereafter.
HIGH CONCEPT: WEATHERING IT (Rom-Com) is about two college students who try to overcome family fights about global warming and get married during the worst ever Texas freeze.
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PROTAG 1 – ELLIE’S ACTION TRACK
ACT 1: Ellie and Jim meet and are attracted to each other, issues regarding their uncles arise.
BEAT 1: Ellie and friend Luz are putting up Turtle Trip posters on McGee University campus as Jim and friend Mack follow, checking out the babes. Ellie and Luz confront them, but Jim expressed interest in the trip and asks Ellie to present to his class.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim and Mack are attracted to the “babes,” follow/listen to them. Jim has heart-melting, engaging smile. Shows serious interest when girls speak of trip to off-grid farm. When confronted Jim turns businesslike in expressing interest in Turtle Trip, but his smile is back in reassuring Ellie when he gets her to come to his class.
BEAT 2: Ellie presents about the Turtle Trip to Jim’s class and receives anti-environmental and climate denial flack, then Jim consoles her afterwards.
After class Ellie is shaken, Jim consoles her, expresses interest in her Uncle Ely’s off-grid farm.
Ellie’s Action Track: Stands in front of class presenting, gets flustered when attacked, tries to parry, but closes down.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is surprised and upset by flack against Ellie and environment, defends environmentalism.
BEAT 3: After the presentation Jim takes Ellie outside to a private spot and consoles her, says he’s interested in the off-grid farm trip and reveals he has a BS in Engineering & is working on his MBA.
Ellie’s Action Track: At first she melts down in anger/frustration/near-tears revealing problems with the club and environmental activism on campus/elsewhere, despairs about doom, but calms with Jim’s consolation, engaging smile, and takes positive interest in his alt energy interest and education.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim herds Ellie into a private spot and consoles her, then a more private spot as students pass by, shifting focus to him, his education and interest in the off-grid farm trip. Shifts between eyeing other students passing, staring (protective of Ellie) and smiling at Ellie (coaxing her consolation).
BEST 4: Ellie goes to Great-uncle Ely’s weird off-grid farm, convinces him to host the Environmental Club’s visit there, which he’s firmly against because of them trashing it last year.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely sees Ellie coming and gets on his human hamster wheel generator & ignores her when she pleads with him. Then he gets off, make her get on. Then he goes into the barn.
BEAT 5: Shots of the Sea Turtle Rescue Center visit, with a presentation about harms to the turtles.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie shines leading the group (mostly MOS) thru turtle exhibits. She and others do various turtle pantomiming. During the outside amphitheater presentation, she has to stand up mid-section and shout at rowdy others to be quiet while speaker speaks.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is enthralled by the turtles and worried about injured ones (mostly MOS). He tries to sit next to Ellie in the amphitheater, but others crowd in first. He gets one to move away as Ellie is turned aside talking to someone. When she turns toward him he gives engaging smile and she give him a brief smile, then looks away a bit shyly. When Jim makes a good comment she looks over at him with a wondering gaze.
BEAT 6: During the beach clean-up Jim talks to Gecko about why Ellie didn’t get involved with Gecko, and he pockets a shell, finds out his Pastor Rudy is Ellie’s uncle.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie guides others in cleaning up, using a simple megaphone. When it is very clean, she remembers the Scouts are coming next day to clean up, and guides them to put a few things back above the high tide line. Then herds the others to arrange the party while Jim hangs back with Gecko. She looks back at Jim with a flicker of interest.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim walks beside Gecko asking about Gecko’s relationship with Ellie as Gecko collects shells, dodging the tide. Jim is astonished to discover his Pastor Rudy is Ellie’s uncle. Jim spots a few shells, then settles on a perfect blue scallop, which he pockets.
INCITING INCIDENT (Cute-Meet): Jim and Ellie kiss, awakening her passion.
BEAT 7: During beach party Jim and Ellie wander down the beach and up to the Jesus statue where Jim humorously asks Ellie “be his shell” and she wonders humorously why he’d need her protection, then he kisses her, she responds, and they pray for the environment.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie sits pensively, distracted near the beach fire as others dance wildly to boisterous boombox music (and Gecko arranging his shells). When Jim asks her to walk with him down the beach, she goes far down the beach, hikes up a steep incline to the base of a huge statue. They talk, he gives her the shell, then he kisses her and she responds with passion that shocks her, then demurs looking up at the huge Jesus statue above them.
Jim’s Action Track: Some girl wants to dance with Jim, but he politely declines then gets Ellie to wander down the beach with him, where he offers the shell to her, then kisses her, then gets her to pray with him.
BEAT 8: Ellie visits her Rev. Uncle Rudy’s Marriage Barn (wedding venue and church) to do a story for the college newspaper and when Rudy asks why she hasn’t been to church since her mother died. Rudy detects she’s in love, which she refuses, but he offers to do her wedding at cost when she’s ready.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie helps Rudy put up decorations for a “May Flowers” themed wedding as she interviews him about his wedding venue. She seems wistful and distracted, in contrast to her previous down-to-business persona. She gets defensive when he suspects she’s in love.
BEAT 9: Ellie avoids Jim on campus until he seeks her out at an Environmental Club meeting in a small Student Union Conference Room, then she makes excuses why she hasn’t time to date him, but wants him as club member and to visit Ely’s farm.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie takes a detour when she sees Jim on campus. At the club meeting she shows slides of ??. Jim arrives; she tries to hide her interest in him, shying from his spotlight attention on her. After the meeting she tries to escape him, but he detains her. She struggles to control her feelings for him and become businesslike, nervously fumbles, drops something, shies from his intense gaze as he stupes down to get it for her. She politely works to evade him.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim tries to find Ellie on campus, then head to the Env Club meeting where he finds her — can’t keep his burning gaze off her. He tries to detain/block her after but she squeezes past and heads off to a class.
TURNING POINT 1 (Ellie’s Denial of Love):
BEAT 10: Meeting for lunch in the cafeteria Jim wants a more committed relationship and Ellie agrees to a non-commitment “situationship,” then they talk about future plans, hedging about bringing the other into their plans, but not revealing those exact plans. Maybe Mack drops by to ask if Jim’s become a vegan yet.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie picks out her vegan lunch items, sits at an empty table. She puts on polite, businesslike demeanor as she talks with Jim regarding their relationship. After lunch (after she agrees to a “situationship”) they leave together a couple now. ?? Various people come and interrupt them at lunch at key points.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim sees Ellie, follows her into the cafeteria, gets in line 2 students behind her, picks out non-vegan items, then goes and sits beside her. Matches her persona with a businesslike proposition, but smiles broadly when they leave as a couple. After splitting to go to classes, Mack come and asks if he’s reached summit on Mt Everest yet with Ellie (= sex conquest), irritating Jim.
ACT 2 (overwhelming attraction): They go from “situationship” to “dating” to planning to marry.
BEAT 11: While with Ellie at her apt Jim receives a call from his mother reminding him he needs to come home for summer and work for Fred, but Jim argues with her saying he’s taking a summer course, then tells Ellie he wants to be with her.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim humorously evades letting Ellie know all that’s being said. Maybe he steps outside or turns away saying he we’ll talk about it later? Then he skillfully turns conversation to talking about his and her parents, helps Ellie take the dishes to the tiny dining table. During dinner he speaks of his uncle’s upcoming visit.
BEAT 12: Ellie takes the club to Ely’s farm and Ely explodes when he hears Jim’s last name “Higson.” Jim says he’s not Fred’s son, and Ely explains how Fred and he were engineering students decades ago and had issues.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie helps Ely in giving the club a tour of the farm, showing them how to run the hamster wheel, glad Jim is into the inventions, then in total awe when she and others see the huge “monolith” battery in the silo, a bit worried when Ely gruffly refuses to let them see what’s in the tack room. She gets embarrassed and upset when Ely burst out in anger. Although Jim defuses it, Ellie is deflated. She manages to distract Ely to get off of Jim.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is bonkers over the inventions, then is taken aback when Ely bursts out in anger, shaken but quick to defuse and charm with his smile.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely is gruff, but somewhat cordial, proud when visitors go gaga over his inventions. Shows the inventions, explains. He gruffly refuses to tell them or let them see what’s in his tack room, then gives a Power Point presentation in his huge barn. Suspects Ellie is gone on Jim. Bursts out in ugly anger when he hears Jim’s last name, Higson. Doesn’t quite recover calm when Jim assures him he’s not Fred’s son. Ely is suspicious Ellie is in love with Jim and fears Jim will take her away (deeper layer).
BEAT 14: After dinner, watching TV in Ellie’s apt when Jim starts kissing Ellie, Luz bursts in, saying she and Javi are getting married in a month and she’ll be moving out, then suggests Ellie and Jim get married.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is responding to Jim’s lovemaking until Luz bursts in and is taken aback by what Luz suggests, look like she wants to object to Jim classifying it as a situationship, and is really worried about Jim leaving for summer.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim recovers, stands up, informs Luz they are just in a situationship, and besides his mother wants him home in Houston for the summer.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie searches the farm and finds Ely working in the tack room with contraptions, then brings up how marrying Jim might be good for Ely’s farm and project, not able to get him to agree.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely’s taken by surprise by Ellie, explains the contraptions are a hydrogen electrolyzer and generator. He closes up, goes to feed his goats, then his chickens as he talks to Ellie (she helps), at first refusing to discuss Jim, then he’s against her marrying him, then against marriage, and finally that he’s worried Jim will take her away.
BEAT 16: Jim tells Uncle Fred he might get married and wants his help, but Fred refuses and expresses disdain for marriage.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is walking across campus on his cell excited about maybe marrying Ellie, but deflates when Fred tells him no help from Fred. MORE ACTION??
BEAT 17: After church Jim talks to Rev. Rudy about marrying Ellie, and he’s very pleased, assures him he will help out.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is in the Marriage Barn (church mode) and helps Rev. Rudy put away the hymnals, etc, and reconfigure for a wedding, speaking as he does about possibly marrying Ellie. He’s buoyed up by Rudy’s positive response and offer to help and throws up a bouquet of flowers ??. MORE/DIFFERENT ACTION??
BEAT 18: Ellie overhears Mack talk to Jim about Jim wanting Ellie as a sex conquest, and Jim has to later assure her that’s not true.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is walking across campus when she heard Mack say that and is extremely angered and crushed. She later turns away from Jim in anger.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim doesn’t understand what happened.
BEAT 19: Jim sees Ellie talking to Gecko, arouses his suspicion, which Ellie has to later clear up.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is in the cafeteria with Gecko consoling/advising him, leaning in closely due to confidentiality.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim sees them and worries Ellie is splitting from him and going with Gecko.
Ellie’s Action Track: Angry at Jim, then okay, then hooked on marrying him. She’s in his face angry, then at a distance cooling off (she goes to fix him some coffee or ??), then they come together and tearfully embrace.
Jim’s Action Track: Upset with Ellie splitting off while admitting it was only a situationship, but that he felt something a lot stronger and even talked to Rudy about marriage. He in her face upset, then at a distance cooling off (she goes to fix him some coffee or ??), then they come together and tearfully embrace ignoring what she fixed for him.
END OF ACT 2 – MIDPOINT (Break up over differences): Planning the wedding, break up over guest list.
BEAT 21: Ellie and Jim go to Uncle Rev. Rudy’s Marriage Barn to plan a wedding and explode over Rudy and Jim not wanting to invite Ely (he’d ruin it), and they call the wedding off.
Ellie & Jim’s Action Track: Ellie’s into Jim as they approach Rudy to discuss the financial feasibility of getting married soo. When it comes to figuring the guest list Rudy suggests they not invite Uncle Ely (his uncle, Ellie’s great-uncle) because he’d spoil it like he did for his own wedding and for her mother’s wedding. When Jim agrees because it seems Ely hates Fred, Ellie angrily suggests not inviting Fred. In anger they then REVEAL their opposing plans and obligations and call off the wedding. JIM STORMS OUT, Ellie bursts out crying.
ACT 3: Knowing they are in love, they try to work it out.
BEAT 22: Ellie in her apt with Luz feels justified that marriage doomed (she suffers from father abandonment) and thinks she can go back to square one — activism without romance.
Ellie’s Action Track: Luz is packing to move in with Javi. Ellie is even more bereft. She speaks as Luz packs and they split up their items. Ellie bursts out crying, Luz talks about plenty of turtle in the sea; Ellie, but they’re going extinct, esp the males. Ellie cries harder. Luz considers, agrees (some lightbulb moment ??).
BEAT 23: At the end of a nervous wreck Env Club meeting all leave as Ellie packs up, but Gecko hangs back, asks where’s Jim. She tells him they called off their wedding.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie wants Gecko’s consolation but with autism, he can’t give it, but he’s confused since she told him she’s not into marriage. She ends up consoling Gecko after letting him know she doesn’t want to marry him. She leaves while Gecko dawdles writing math formulas on the white board.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim arrives after all have left except Gecko, thinking the meeting was in this later time slot. They talk, Jim is distraught. ? ACTION ?
BEAT 24: Jim with Mack at Jim & Mack’s apt is heart-broken that it didn’t work out and doesn’t think there will be another woman for him, despite Mack’s promptings.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is packing to head home to Houston for the summer (after finals in a few days) as he talks to Mack.
BEAT 26: They go to Houston for Xmas to Jim’s mom’s home where Jim introduces Ellie to his Uncle Fred and tries to make them like each other, with Ellie being careful not to let anti-environmentalist Fred know she’s an eco-activist. Ellie loves Jim’s mom, and does or says something positive for Fred that affects him for later change.
Ellie’s Action Track: warms to Jim’s Peruvian mother right away, but struggles to interact with Fred, suppressing her eco-activism, etc., playing the home-maker type who knows nothing about business, escapes into the kitchen to help the mom.
Jim’s Action Track: keen to get Fred to accept Ellie. Makes drinks for all.
BEAT 27: Ellie loses her zest for life as she tours the Higson Petroleum Engineering Consultancy, so Jim takes her to the Butterfly Museum (she’s delighted), then to Galveston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.
Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: As Fred leads Ellie and Jim through his consultancy, Ellie struggles to show interest but is disgusted. Jim explains to Fred that Ellie has a stomach problem that’s affecting her. He then takes Ellie to the butterfly museum (shots) where Ellie revives, then to Galveston, where she sees hurricane-ready homes on pylons — making her eco-concerns resurface.
BEAT 28: At Jim’s mom’s home Jim tries to convince Ellie and himself that she can pursue her goals and he can change Fred, get him into alt energy, but they both know Fred is impossible to change. Ellie is willing to sacrifice for Jim.
Ellie’s Action Track: They are decorating the Xmas tree and putting up decorations, mom tells Ellie about Jim’s dad, an alcoholic who died in debt, but she loved him. Ellie is appalled at Jim getting drunk, worried, but covering in front of his mother. Mother takes her into the kitchen and advises that you don’t marry to change someone, you have to accept them as they are. Ellie agrees.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is getting drunk, sounding like a used car salesman trying to convince Ellie, pacing around the room. He stumbles and falls into her lap with a silly smile. Then straightening up, admits it’s a farce.
BEAT 29: Walking in Buffalo Bayou Park they make wedding plans and agree not to tell or invite Ely.
Ellie’s Action Track: They are jogging in flutters of snowflakes, can’t wait to get back to the warm Rio Grande Valley. He stops her and they discuss marriage
Jim’s Action Track: Jim feels terrible about not inviting Ely but realizes that’s the only option.
TURNING POINT 3 (break up over differences 2):
BEAT 30: At mom’s house, mom away shopping, into heavy love-making, Jim decides to back out of the relationship, because he loves Ellie too much to have her sacrifice her goals and commitment. He leaves, goes to Fred’s office and tells Fred, who saddens, since he now likes Ellie.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim tells Ellie he’s backing out, stiffens, leaves the house & goes to Fred’s office & tells him.
BEAT 31: At Jim’s mom’s house Christmas day, Ellie regains resolve, pursues Jim. Says she’ll find a way to pursue her eco-activism, do what is right. Jim acquiesces, but is worried about Ellie’s well-being. Fred comes for dinner.
Ellie’s Action Track: She then tells Jim he has to marry her or she’ll get out her shotgun, then convinces him she’ll be fine. They open presents, now joyfully, then Fred comes with presents for all. They have dinner while Ellie now tells Fred she an eco-activist and thinks he should work a bit more on making his projects more energy efficient and conservative if she to agree to marry Jim. Fred drops his fork, but quietly says he knew all along, then “If it saves our clients money.”
Jim’s Action Track: Jim agrees to the marriage, but is still worried about Ellie, then shocked when she confronts Fred.
ACT 4 CLIMAX: A severe freeze and power cut throughout Texas makes it impossible for them to wed.
BEAT 32: Jim with arm around Ellie, as they walk across campus in freezing weather, steps into the cafeteria, then the lights go off the college shuts down. Ellie with Jim and Jen back in her apt frantically calls Rudy, who tells that the Marriage Barn lacks power and it’s booked until mid-summer. Ellie bucks up and says they’ll have the wedding in Ely’s barn. Jim in a role reversal has lost hope and is in despair, horrified Ely and Fred would blow up the whole thing, IF Ely even agrees.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie and Jim huddle together in her apartment, her new roommate Jen with them (a club member in earlier scenes), drink cold coffee it’s hot chocolate. They call Rudy, his power is down and if it doesn’t come back within 5 days he’ll have to cancel their wedding until Spring. Ellie tells Jim they’ll have it at Ely’s, but has a hard time convincing him.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim is now the one hopeless and in despair, caves to Ellie’s idea of having the wedding at Ely’s.
BEAT 33: Ellie at farm (only place with heat & lights) has a tough time getting Ely to allow the wedding in his barn; she doesn’t mention Fred will be coming.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie finds Ely in his warm and well-lit house cooking a hot meal. Ellie plugs in her cell and pitches in and helps cook, telling him she’s marrying Jim. Over dinner she tries to convince him to allow the wedding in his barn. She gets in her car with no success when he acquiesces.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely gruffly acknowledges/ignores her, since she didn’t come stay with him for Xmas. Still against her marrying Jim, totally upset he wasn’t invited, but as she leaves he agrees to host it, saying he always hates to see her leave, getting emotional. But he can only host 25 people and that’s final.
BEAT 34: Back in Ellie’s apt Jim (now hopeless, in despair) finally agrees to shifting the wedding venue to Ely’s. They now call guests, disinviting some, telling other about the change — Ellie, Jim, and Jen on their cells.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie is animated announcing it’s on for Ely’s barn. Brings them hot food and coffee from the farm.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim refuses, then at last agrees, triggering a barrage of cell calls to guests.
BEAT 35: Ellie and guests arrive at the farm early morning with supplies, get busy cleaning and decorating Ely’s real barn. Jim, Ely, Gecko and others set up the energy system required to keep all warm and the lights on.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie arrives at farm with Jim, Jen, Gecko, Luz, and Javi in Javi’s van. Other cars arrive. All rush to plug in their cell phone, vying for slots, then take out supplies and start working to set things up. Ellie with women goes to kitchen to prepare a hot meal.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim and Gecko go with Ely to set up the energy system required to keep all warm and lights on.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely is gruff with Jim but takes to Gecko as he pitches in setting things up.
BEAT 36: When Fred arrives in the afternoon with Jim’s mother he and Ely try to be polite, then Fred snorts that the freeze disproves global warming. Ely explains that such freezes are made more likely due to the warming with Gecko chiming in. Fred feels ganged upon.
Ellie’s Action Track: tries to get Fred and Ely together to resolve their problem, against Jim’s efforts.
Jim’s Action Track: totally worried, tries to steer Fred away from Ely
Ely’s Action Track: struggles to be polite to Fred, then tries calmly to explain that such freezes are made more likely, enhanced Rossby waves, etc, but Fred doesn’t buy it; Ely is taken away by Jim re some issue with the energy system.
BEAT 37: There’s a big blow up between the two uncles, Ellie soft-talking Fred and Jim siding with Ely re alt energy, until Fred finally agrees about it’s benefits.
Ellie’s Action Track: Ellie takes Fred aside and soft-talks him.
Jim’s Action Track: Jim throws support for Ely’s money-saving, eco-saving alt energy projects.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely blows up at Fred for his anti-environment stance, which devolved into a big REVEAL that Fred stole the love of his life away from him.
BEAT 38: Fred gets intrigued by Ely’s inventions, thinking they could make good money off them… This discussion goes on and on as the battery power is being used up threatening to derail the wedding, until Rudy, Jim, and Ellie intervene and draw the focus back on the wedding.
Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: Ellie and Jim are pleased with the resolution but now worried about their wedding being done before the power runs out. They follow the uncles out, leaving guest seated for the vows, and listen, hesitating to interrupting their ideas and planning. Jim looks at the power gauge, which is getting low.
Ely’s Action Track: After Fred shows remorse and explains the woman divorced him within 2 years and happily married someone else, Ely calms down, and when Fred shows interest in Ely’s projects they walk out of the barn and get to talking about commercializing one and making good money.
RESOLUTION (reuniting in love): Ely overcomes his bitterness and forgives Fred. Both uncles bless the wedding, and the couple can now happily marry.
BEAT 39: Ellie and Jim make their vows in a sweet ceremony (sort of like the Xmas nativity scene). But before their grand kiss cell phones beep text messages among all present. The Sea Turtle Rescue Center is calling everyone to come save the 1000s of cold-stunned turtles. They all rush out, including Ellie, Jim, Ely and Fred.
Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: They finally interrupt the uncles and bring them back into the barn, then take their place at the bale-stack “altar” and take their vows. However, before the grand wedding kiss, cell phones go off with messages, and the guest all rush out & get in their cars leaving the couple at the altar, then the couple rushes out.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely realizes and worries about the energy going down, then he and Fred rush to help the wedding proceed. Ely gushes over how he always thought Jim would be the ideal husband for Ellie.
BEAT 40: All are at the beach saving turtles, while Ely provides heat at the Center to help warm them.
Ellie and Jim’s Action Track: they are with the other guests and other locals rescuing turtles. They take a short break for their wedding kiss to the cheers of the guests.
Ely’s Action Track: Ely with Fred’s help sets up generators to give heat and light to the Center so the turtles can recover.
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David’s Character Action Tracks!
My vision is to increase my skills to become an A-list writer
What I learned from this assignment is having a unique character who performs actions according to his own specific traits.
ACT 1: Keith tracks down Chas/Chas finally gets a job
Chas PJ1: Chas can’t find a job- he’s too old to be an intern, doesn’t know what he wants, bad credit
Chas: Hides from Keith’s calls. Afraid to face realiy.
Deeper Layer: Deep in debt, lies to everyone
Keith AJ1: Fired from job- he doesn’t play by rules, too harsh
Keith: When he gets fired, he lashes out on his boss
Keith AJ2: IRS is gonna take his childhood home. Decides to track down Chas, who Keith thinks he has money since he lives in a $5 million house (frat house)
Deeper Layer: He’s nostalgic for past, hates change
Keith: threatens IRS man with Ninja star.
Chas PJ2: Chas lands a job as a sperm donor- only job he can get
Chas: Effusive, tries shake hand with doctor (but doc refuses)
Inciting Incident: Chas meets Christie after donating sperm- can’t tell her the truth
Chas: Lies, lives in his fantasy world
ACT 2: Chas pretends to be a doctor/Keith closes in
Chas PJ3: Chas borrows friend’s car and apartment to keep up ruse
Deeper level: doubles down on his fault: lying
Chas: Does everything he can to not tell her the truth
Keith AJ3: After finding out Chas donates sperm, he meets Heidi, the receptionist at the sperm bank and sparks fly.
Keith: Uses machismo/threats, unwittingly attracts Heidi
Chas PJ4: Chas spends a day with Christi, having a great time, ending with sex. He has to chance to come clean afterwards, but is too cowardly. Christie says she was dorky in high school and missed her prom.
Chas: Shares goofiness/funloving ways with Christi. Too afraid to come clean, though he’s given a clear chance
MIDPOINT: Christie falls in love with Chas. Now Chas feels guilty leading her on.
Chas: Guilt complex knowing he’s doing the wrong thing.
ACT 3: Chas embarks on a new path/Keith loses hope
Chas PJ5: Christie takes Chas to a kid’s hospital- she does charity work there. Chas feels guilty talking to sick kids, especially one the kid says he wants to be a doctor like you, so he can help people.
Deeper layer: Chas knows he needs to come clean
Chas: Runs away from hospital/reality as he always does
Keith AJ4: Finds out where Chas lives: a dinky boat. Realizes he has no money. Sees photos of Chas and his frat buddies, feels remorse
Deeper level: Regretful that he misses out on college.
Keith: Kicks in door, military style. Then see nostalgic trait as he ogles college pics
Chas PJ6: Inspired by the sick kid, Chas takes out medical books at his old college. He may have found his calling
Chas: Ambitious trait, taking out booksb
TURNING POINT: Chas can’t face reality, breaks up with Christie
ACT 4: The truth finally comes out
Chas PJ7: Though he’s locked out of his boat for not paying rent, he realizes nothing matters without Christie’s love. He plans to attend Christie’s party for her parents and tell her the truth
Chas: romantic trait shows, along with naivete
Deeper level: He’s finally growing up and facing reality
Keith AJ5: Dejected, he gets intel about Christie’s party. Surely, Chas will be there.
Keith: holds bum at knifepoint. Then regretful, let his mom down
CRISIS: Should Chas tell her the truth or ruin their parents party?
Chas PJ8: Chas is about to come clean, but Christie doesn’t want to hear bad news. Chas is relieved.
Chas: given an out, takes the carefree/easy way
Keith AJ6: Keith sails the dinky boat towards the yacht…
Keith: takes action, motivated to nail Chas
CLIMAX: Keith seizes Chas on the boat and takes him away. Christie and the guests are bewildered.
Keith: Threatens Chas, hog ties him in front of everyone
Keith AJ7: Forces Chas to call his parents and get Keith the 10 grand he needs to keep the house. He gets it.
Keith: Puts gun to Chas’ head, grabs Chas’ phone and calls
Chas PJ9: Chas apologizes to Christie, but it’s over. He goes back to PA to work for his dad and pay off the loan.
Chas: Regretful trait. Also ambitious, trying to make things right
Keith AJ8: Stays in SF and lives on the dinky boat with Heidi.
Deeper level: he’s giving up the past and embracing the present
Keith: Subtext that he wants someone more
RESOLUTION: Chas throws a party for Christie- the prom in high school she missed- and everyone’s there. Says he might be going to med school in SF, keeping the possibility of romance in the air.
Chas: Ambitious and romantic. Throws party for his girl, setting everything up.
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<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Subject: Monica’s<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”> Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I will continue to learn everything I can through all different media to apply what I learn to become the best screenwriter I can be. To be successful in getting my movies made and to win awards in the process.
What I learned from doing this assignment is another new process to make your outline superior to what I’ve done before — before you write a single word. Seems to help the creative process as I’ve had a few ‘ah ha’ moments which has resulted in re-tooling the outline.
Title: TIME GUARDIANS
Genre: Action/Sci-Fi
Act 1: Conall makes a deal with the devil.
1. Conall’s house is on fire. He is prevented from getting to the house to save his family. Action Conall: Rage as he is prevented from getting to the house – fighting people trying to restrain him. In the background Harry – Action Harry: Cruel little smile on his face. Scheming.
2. Conall meets Harry at the graveyard where they both are visiting their respective families’ graves. Action Conall: Resigned and respectful to his family. Lays flowers and small Irish flags. Recites an Irish poem. Action Harry: Respectful to his wife’s grave. Lays flowers. Says a prayer. Cunning in a nice way towards Conall.
3. Conall and Harry go to the bar where Harry shows him a picture of the ancient artefact. Harry invites Conall to a meeting. Action Conall: Listens to Harry’s pitch. Action Harry: Cruel as he manipulates Conall by asking, wouldn’t you like to know who set the fire that killed your family?
4. Meeting to discuss a mission where Conall meets with Harry and Jay-the-Alien. Also, present is four other men. Action Conall: Listens to the mission details. Exhibit’s self-control as Harry details his ruthlessness. Action Harry: Unmerciful as he details Conall’s ruthlessness in several missions he’s been on. Action Jay: Patience as he eats strawberry ice cream.
5. Conall accepts the mission to steal the artefact from the museum. He is to be accompanied by Jay. Action Conall: Inquisitive as he tries to understand what the mission is really about. Action Harry: Evasive as he doesn’t want to tell Conall about timelines. But he does transfer $10 million dollars for the op. Action Jay: Leaves with Conall. Explains how the artefact can change the timeline.
6. After Conall and Jay are gone, the other Elites know Harry grieves his wife. They tell him that if the mission fails, he’s out. Action Harry: Violent towards the other men by pulling a gun and shooting each of the Elites in the knee-cap. He reminds them he is the only one intelligent enough to program the artefact the way they need it to be programmed.
7. Conall and Jay set off to steal the artefact. Action Conall: Intrigued – by the fact this artefact can change the timeline. Action Jay: Co-operates with Conall.
8. Conall drives to the secret base he has set up for his security firm to gather his team. Action Conall: Leader – Conall is confident the team should be in and out in 5 days. Action Jay: Calm as he explores the base.
9. Jay tells Conall the artefact is not where the Elites think it is. Jay has already stolen it and set it up. Action Jay: Calm and Manipulative – he’s already stolen the artefact. Action Conall: Dangerous as he grabs Jay.
10. Conall asks Jay what his purpose is in the mission. Action Conall: Exhibits extreme self-control as he holds a gun on Jay. Action Jay: Calm as he pushes a button on his cuff bracelet and Conall’s gun melts. Then he tells Conall they must keep the artefact out of the hands of the Elite.
(Theme: good vs evil).
11. Conall, Jay and a few team members go to where Jay has set up the artefact. Action Jay: Confident he has found a decent human to help him as he unlocks the door. Action Conall: Adventurous as he follows Jay.
Inciting Incident: NEW Inciting Incident: When Conall and Jay arrive where Jay has hidden the artefact — it is gone.
12. Conall and Jay search the cave where Jay hid the artefact. Action Conall: Mean to Jay as he doesn’t believe Jay had the artefact. Action Jay: Resigned but he can show Conall he had it.
13. Conall and Jay review the security footage. Action Conall: Optimistic as he believes Jay and recognizes one of the thieves. Believes Jay was followed. Action Jay: Anger at the people who stole the artefact.
Turning Point: Scientists from CERN stole the artefact.
Act 2:
1. Conall meets Harry to tell him the artefact has been stolen. Action Conall: Determined to not let Harry bully him. Action Harry: Rage – he beats his car with his hands.
2. Conall tells Harry scientists from CERN stole the artefact first and they’re going to steal it back. Action Conall: Authoritative because he has a plan. Action Harry: Calmer asks Conall if he needs any more money to affect his plan. Conall declines.
3. Jay tells Conall he can get them into CERN. Action Conall: Skeptical — he tells Jay it’s going to have to be a break-in. Action Jay: Peaceful as he pushes another button on his cuff bracelet and disappears. Then re-appears.
4. The Elite are furious with Harry because CERN stole the artefact. Action Harry: Calm as he puts his gun on the table and wants to know which one of them financed CERN to steal the artefact. (He may have to kill one of them to make a point!)
5. Conall tells Jay he will buy them airplane tickets to Geneva. Action Conall: Leader plans the trip. Action Jay: Tolerant – they don’t need a plane when you have a saucer!
6. Jay lands the saucer close to the CERN facility at night. Jay takes Conall’s arm, and they disappear into the CERN facility. Action Conall: Adventurous as he lets Jay do Jay. Action Jay: Helpful as he uses his technology to recover the artefact.
7. Conall and Jay re-appear inside. Conall wants to know where they go from there. (What about security cameras?) Action Conall: Awestruck cause he’s a nerd. Action Jay: Decisive – checks his bracelet to get the direction of the artefact. He put a tracker on it.
8. Jay pushes buttons on his cuff bracelet, grabs Conall and they disappear. And re-appear where the artefact is. It is hooked up to a huge quantum computer. Alarms go off. Action Conall: Soldier mode. Kills a few scientists waiting for Jay. Action Jay: Focused on disconnecting the artefact from the quantum computer. Grabs the computer also.
9. Conall grabs Jay’s arm, and they disappear. Action Conall: Trust in Jay. Action Jay: Responsible for the artefact and for Conall’s safety.
10. Conall and Jay return to the secret security base. Action Conall: Leader helps Jay with the computer and artefact. Action Jay: Happy but exhausted he collapses. Conall gives Jay a bowl of strawberry ice cream.
11. Set up the artefact. Action Conall: Determined to set up the artefact and the quantum computer. Action Jay: Peaceful, resting as he directs Conall what to do.
12. Conall meets Harry. Action Conall: Authoritative they’ve recovered the artefact and are setting it up. Action Harry: Impatient he wants to be in on the action.
13. Searches Harry for weapons then blindfolds him and takes him to the secret base. Action Conall: Guarded he doesn’t trust Harry, but he is paying the bills. Action Harry: Anticipation he can hardly wait to get his hands on the artefact.
14. Conall brings Harry in while Jay is programming the artefact. Action Conall: Confident. Action Harry: Reverent. Action Jay: Cooperates but is guarded.
15. Jay shows Harry how to ask the artefact a question. Action Conall: Guarded. Action Harry: Child-like wonder. Action Jay: Indifferent.
16. Harry looks at the answer, doesn’t like it. Tries again. Same answer. Action Conall: Abrasive stops Harry before he breaks it. Action Harry: Rage he yells and screams that Conall, and Jay did something to the artefact. Action Jay: Anger throws Harry across the room without laying a finger on him.
Midpoint Turning Point: The artefact keeps giving the same answer –the timeline ends in 2030.
17. Conall returns Harry to their meeting place. Action Conall: Cruel tells Harry he knows what he’s trying to do, and he’ll stop him. Action Harry: Violent rushes Conall only to get the butt of a gun to his head.
18. Harry gathers his group. Action Harry: Authoritative Conall and Jay must die, and the artefact recovered so he can program it to give them the answer he wants.
19. Conall needs time to study the artefact to try and save his family. Action Conall: Obstructive. He disguises this with trying to figure out why it keeps giving the same answer.
20. Jay knows what Conall is trying to do he offers to help him. Action Conall: Shame because he forgot the bigger picture. Action Jay: Compassion. He tells Conall who is responsible for the fire.
21. Jay knows the Elites are coming so he re-programs the artefact. Action Conall: Leader sends everyone to Jay’s cave. Action Jay: Destructive re-programs the artefact. Then leaves with Conall.
22. Harry leads an elite mercenary team to storm the bunker, but Conall and Jay are gone. The artefact remains but displays the Elites future. Action Harry: Violent shoots one of the mercs.
Act 3:
1. Conall gathers his team in Jay’s cave. Action Conall: Leader plan the assault to get the artefact back.
2. Harry sets up the artefact, but it keeps giving the same answer – the timeline ends in 2030. Action Harry: Desperate to reprogram the artefact to bring his wife back.
3. As Conall and the team are going to move out another group of “assassins” show up. Action Conall: Leader he leads the assault on the other assassins. Action Jay: Tolerant (why do humans always settle their affairs with violence?) presses a button on his cuff bracelet and all the assassin’s guns melt.
4. Take an “assassin” hostage. Learn he’s been hired by CERN to take back the artefact. Action Conall: Cruel as he interrogates the hostage. Action Jay: Peaceful as he lays his hands on the hostage’s head and gets the answers – the Elite hired CERN to steal the artefact.
5. Conall and Jay find Harry alone at his house trying to program the artefact. Action Conall: Violent. Hits Harry over the head and knocks him out. Action Jay: Concerned for the artefact. Looks it over while Conall deals with Harry.
6. Jay works on the artefact while Conall ties Harry up. Action Conall: Leader dealing with the menace. Action Harry: Fragile breaks down sobbing because he couldn’t change the timeline. Action Jay: Frantic as he works the artefact.
7. Jay turns to Conall and Harry. Action Jay: Anger – Harry has done something to the artefact, and it is acting strangely. Action Conall: Violent – hits Harry demanding to know what he did. Action Harry: Fragile sobbing as he gets beat up because he doesn’t know the answer.
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The Timeline has been changed but will it be for the better.
Act 4:
Climax:
1. Conall works on trying to re-program the artefact. But the Earth shakes splitting the artefact into two separate artefacts. Action Conall: Surprise he’s usually pretty good at the programming stuff. Action Harry: Coward he hides when the artefact shakes. Action Jay: Intrigued – it’s not supposed to do this.
2. A new timeline has emerged. But what does this mean? Which one is the real timeline? But then what is real? Action Conall: Adventurous as he stands before one timeline and then the other. Action Jay: Cautious as he gazes from one timeline to the other. Action Harry: Gleeful because he’s taking credit for it. And he thinks he’s won.
3. The rest of the Elite show up with their hired guns. Action Conall: Leader defends the timelines with his machine gun. Action Jay: Calm after all he has the cuff bracelet of death.
4. The new timeline appears to give Harry the answer he finally wants. He shows the Elites their future. He orders the execution of Conall and Jay. Action Conall: Leader he shoots Harry in the head. Action Jay: Resigned as he pushes a button and the Elite’s guns melt.
5. Jay pushes another button on the second artefact, and it merges back into one. A countdown begins. Action Conall: Surprised. Demands an answer from Jay. Action Jay: Cagey. Smiles. He must end these timelines to move forward.
Resolution:
6. Conall kills the Elite. Action Conall: Bang. Bang.
7. Harry and the Elites are dead.
8. Conall accompanies Jay to the portal where a ship awaits. Action Jay: Wise: Instructs Conall and his team to eliminate the remaining Elite to usher in a better world. Action Conall: Friendly. Hugs Jay and says goodbye.
9. The catastrophe has been averted. Action Conall: Inquisitive. What was the catastrophe? Action Jay: Instructive. The singularity where technology takes over and devastates civilization and the Earth.
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Module 4 – Lesson 5 – Character Action Tracks
Lisa Long’s Character Action Tracks!
My Vision: I will do whatever it takes to be comfortable saying that I am a writer by creating impactful stories with amazing characters in order to sell my scripts.
What I learned from this assignment is the outline is starting to come together as I add layers to the characters and break it out into beats.
Title: Chesapeake Girl
Genre: Drama
Act 1:
1. Molly is dropped off at her father Edgar’s restaurant/house on the Chesapeake Bay. A speeding car pulls up outside Edgar’s Seafood restaurant and April pulls her daughter Molly out of the car against her will.
2. Molly is left with Ed, her father that she’s never known. Melting down, Molly chases after the car as it speeds away.
3. Edgar is strong and quiet, trying to figure Molly out. He is still pining over April, the only woman he’s ever loved, even though she left him and didn’t tell him she was pregnant at the time. This has made him not trust people.
4. His dog, Chessie is the most important “person” to him. Edgar never wanted to be a dad because he didn’t have one and always thought he’d suck at it. Suddenly, he’s taken in his long-gone child.
Inciting Incident:
5. Edgar puts Molly to work in the restaurant against her will. She has to earn her keep even though she is his daughter.
6. Molly gets teased by the servers and bus boy about being “old man Ed’s” love child.
7. Ed and Molly fight over her having to work.
Turning Point 1:
8. Molly meets Mars on the beach who is a gay, Black choreographer and they strike up a friendship over dance.
9. Mars is hiding out at the beach to mourn the passing of his partner.
10. Molly will never give up dance, but Ed finds it too difficult to watch Molly dance because it reminds him of April.
11. When Ed eventually finds out she’s dancing, he objects not only to Molly’s dancing, but to Mars. Mars thinks Ed’s racist or homophobic, but it’s really because he’s a choreographer. April left Ed for one. It also has put doubt in Ed’s head as to whether Molly is really his or the choreographers.
Act 2:
12. Mars gets Molly an audition for the Nutcracker in NYC.
13. Mars and Molly plot how to get her there.
14. Every day while Ed takes his pre-dinner service nap, Molly sneaks out to Mars’ cottage down the beach to dance. She can’t live without dancing and so justifies sneaking around behind Ed’s back.
Turning Point 2/Midpoint:
15. A hurricane blows into the Bay.
16. Molly and Ed argue over dance again.
17. Molly runs out and gets into a small boat.
18. Chessie, the dog follows her and jumps in the boat.
19. Ed is terrified, and he tries to reach them in the storm.
20. Mars saves them and carries Molly home.
21. Ed can’t bring himself to even thank Mars. He gets furious at Molly instead of showing her that she is safe with him…but he hugs and kisses Chessie.
Act 3:
22. Molly lies to Mars and tells him that Ed said it was okay to go to the audition because he felt sorry for her almost dying in the storm.
23. Mars and Molly take off for NYC.
24. Molly returns with a part in the Nutcracker.
25. Ed forbids her to go back.
26. Molly can’t give up or give in to Ed’s fears. She is so close to her dream coming true. She’s going to dance in the Nutcracker if it kills her!
Turning Point 3:
27. Ed and Molly have a huge fight about the Nutcracker.
28. Mars wants to talk to Ed before they go back to NYC, but Molly makes excuses, and they take off for NYC.
29. After Ed figures out that Molly did it again and ran off to NYC with Mars to dance, he decides he’s going after them.
Act 4 Climax:
30. Ed storms into the theater with a policeman! But when he sees Molly exquisitely dancing in the Nutcracker, he backs down and dismisses the police. He can’t bring himself to ruin her dream after all.
31. April shows up to see Molly dance too. April tells Ed that she wants to come home.
32. Ed says he’ll think about it. He returns to the Chesapeake Bay alone.
33. Molly returns to the Bay after the show run with her tail between her legs. She finally realizes the toll her dream has taken on Ed.
Resolution:
34. Ed comes clean about the past that he’s holding onto and finally expresses his love for Molly.
35. Molly in turn expresses her love for him too.
36. Molly is angry with her mother for leaving her.
37. Ed is still angry with April for leaving him too.
38. Molly and Ed realize they have a lot in common and they have learned to love each other.
39. April returns and they all work on healing.
40. April tells Ed that Molly is indeed his daughter. She helps Ed with the restaurant while teaching Molly dance.
41. Mars returns to NYC to begin again.
42. Six months later, Edgar is ill. The family is back together as Ed passes away.
43. Molly and April dance on the beach as an expression of mourning, love, and tribute to Edgar.
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Module 4, Lesson 5 – Character Action Tracks
Subject: Rob Ingalls’ Character Action Tracks!
MY VISION:
To be a Talented writer that delivers quality fast, with the film industry seeking me out.
WIL: Great way to strengthen script. The more I review, the more action I add. Easy with Outlines.
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Simon La’Rouche – Protagonist Journey (PJ)
Harris Blackwood – Antagonist Journey (AJ)
BEGINNING / OPENING ACT (Strange, interesting significant heist jobs with numerous players)
Thieves steal various items: Jewelry, cars, gold bars, cryptocurrency, airplanes, etc. Cool beginnings of an Action flick.
Harris – AJ 1, Instructor at academy (its ‘Grand Heist Academy’ but we won’t know for a while that it’s connected to the film’s Opening), walks daily past glass trophy case with Top Academy [Thief] trophy (we don’t know it’s a thief academy yet) with Simon’s name on it. There’s pain because he feels he should have won.
Harris – AJ 1a, helps new students with challenging problems. Has eyes for female instructor (who she eyes Simon). Stares at trophy in glass case, wishful that his name was on it. Student walks by “too bad your name not on it, eh?”
Harris – Action, in fantasy thoughts, Harris breaks glass case, grabs trophy and smashes it. Then back to reality, he walks away, sad.
Simon – Action, is at Children’s Hospital doing magic tricks for cancer kids. He checks time, gotta go. Kids ask for one more trick, which he obliges. As he leaves, we notice the hospital ward is named after his brother who died when they were younger. Simon is alone when he leaves, drives off in expensive super car. Wears no ring. He’s lonely.
Simon – PJ 1, arrives at Academy. He’s the guest speaker at class graduation. He’s also the Academy’s top graduate and thief. He is the only one to win the SPEC CHALLENGE (aka Kobayashi Maru (aka Star Trek’s Captain Kirk challenge)
Simon – Action, pops his head in a classroom, spies Harris teaching. Friendly greeting. They were classmates at academy years ago.
Simon – PJ 2, arrogantly teases Harris, rubs it in that he won, and Harris came in second. But Simon holds a deep secret. When alone, deep inside, he’s mad at himself for teasing Harris.
Harris – Action, heads off for lunch, clips Simon’s car in parking lot. Puts a dent on it.
Students finish their Senior Project, no failures. All are ready for Graduation. We NOW learn this is an academy for thieves. We see thieves from Opening and realize they are students ready to graduate, to go out into the world as thieves. We learn they are doing final exam Senior Project in various fields for GRAND HEIST ACADEMY prior to graduation. This looks serious for an academy of thieves.
They are seated in auditorium, ready to listen to pep talk from Simon.
Simon – Action, walks on stage. Announces to audience that if they want their wallets back, to please see him in the rear of auditorium to get it back. Students/Audience check their pockets. Gone/Missing. In the rear is an assistant with a box filled with wallets. The audience gasps, the claps.
Simon – PJ 3, gives pep talk commencement speech at graduation. He also tells them it’s time for him to retire. The audience moans.
INCITING INCIDENT: (Students challenge Simon to one last heist, to show off his skills.)
The class president, with student backing, challenges Simon to one last heist: Steal his weight in gold from city museum without getting caught and without the museum knowing, even after it has been stolen.
Simon – PJ 4 & Action, hesitates, makes excuses as to why he shouldn’t do the challenge.
Harris- AJ 2, likes the challenge and pushes Simon to accept challenge.
TURNING POINT-1
Harris – AJ 3 & Action, double dog dares Simon to accept the student’s challenge.
Simon – PJ 5, accepts challenge. He has no choice.
ACT-2 (Simon tries basic textbook approaches, nothing unique)
Simon – PJ 6a, uses school database to locate various experts in heist job. This is a cool device to match skills with crime heist.
Harris – Action, hacks into database, changes ratings on various experts so that Simon picks the WRONG assistants.
Simon – PJ 6, tries textbook approaches to steal the gold but fails. Simon appears to be a fish-out-of-water with heist challenge. He makes feeble attempts and flails/fails. Simon struggles to do simple heist and fails and we wonder why.
Students watch via cameras and other tech gear. Like watching a chess match. Lots of comments from the peanut gallery.
Harris – Action, pays a student to make disparaging comments in front of others.
Harris – AJ 4, is determined to block Simon from achieving challenge and to prove to school that he’s better at this than Simon, and that he (Harris) should have won trophy.
Harris – Action, for each effort Simon makes to meet challenge, Harris throws a monkey wrench into Simon’s plans.
Simon – PJ 7 & Action, Old ways don’t work. He tries jewelry heist but too many motion detectors and floor pressure plates. Large gold statue housed with less security: nobody can steal it. He tries to have a crane remove statue but too large, even with David Blain magician (or other famous magician) help (hide an elephant).
Harris – Action, smoke and mirrors don’t work. Mirror gets paint splattered and we realize the ruse.
Simon, Harris – Action, for every approach by Simon, Harris uses a counterapproach behind the scenes to deter Simon. Each time it makes Simon stronger, but in beginning we wonder why Simon sucks at heist jobs.
The entire 1st half of movie is Simon struggling to be a thief. Harris also focuses on disrupting Simon, so we wonder if that’s the reason for Simon’s blunders. But with Simon, everything has been a lie. Apparently, he is good at deceit, but we still like him. But he’s really just an average thief.
TURNING POINT-2 / MIDPOINT
Harris – AJ5, turns up the heat to defeat Simon.
Harris – Action, has his intern make claim that Simon is a fraud.
Audience realizes Simon isn’t what they think he is. More of a fraud. He sucks at heist jobs. He’s scared, insecure, fish out of water. At school, he should have failed his final exam project.
Harris – Action, confronts Simon to get to the truth. Simon ignores Harris.
Simon – PJ 8, determines to change and become what everyone expects of him. He’s ready to take unique challenges, is bold.
ACT-3
Simon – PJ 9, rethinks and creates new plan. He has insights into why old ways don’t work and that HE must change. New plan: Tunnel underneath and hollow out large gold statue, keeping the frame intact and no one suspects inner gold stolen.
Simon – PJ 10, begins tunnel. Goes back to academy database for tunnel experts.
Harris – AJ 6, sweats, thinks that Simon may have solved challenge.
Harris – AJ 6a, creates numerous hazards in tunnel, even trying to collapse it.
Simon PJ 10a, almost dies when tunnel collapses.
TURNING POINT-3
Harris – AJ 7, contacts local police and FBI. Gets Simon arrested for tunneling and human trafficking/drug mule, BUT NOT Gold heist. So, Simon is still in the running to win challenge.
Simon says he stumbled upon the tunnel. He didn’t build it. He has fake credentials and says he owns a catering food business (his made-up job).
Simon – Action, escapes from jail. Uses techniques from academy.
Harris – AJ 8, hears for first time Simon stating that he shouldn’t have been top thief, that he (Simon) cheated on final project like the Star Trek Kobayashi Maru. But still Harris does not get recognition from school like he wants.
ACT-4 CLIMAX
Simon – PJ 11, completes the assignment challenge with flying colors. Simon solves the challenge despite the basic problems and the traps that Harris put forth.
Simon – Action, has melted out/hollowed out giant gold statue, leaving the outer shell that keeps statue propped up. Melted gold is more than Simon’s weight, thus fulfilling challenge.
RESOLUTION (Both Simon and Harris get what they wanted/desired/needed – Feel Good ending)
Simon – PJ 12, is STILL Top Thief but acknowledges that Harris should be considered top thief of previous graduating class.
Harris – AJ 9, gets his trophy in the glass case. Harris is given the Top Thief trophy (and Simon ‘s name removed) that he displays in academy’s main hallway. Harris has recognition that he’s always wanted.
FEEL GOOD: Both Simon and Harris get what they want and Simon has grown (inner) to be the person everyone thought he was.
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WIM2 – Dana’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I intend to perfect my skills to become a successful screenwriter, scripting acclaimed and profitable films, recognized by my peers, and living an adventurous life.
What I learned during this assignment:
Creating character action allowed me to express their motivations before I considered writing one line of dialogue. Their actions will make it easier to write their verbal conflict.
GENRE: Thriller
Protagonist: Ruth Griffin
Core traits:
· Artful
· Submissive
· Defiant
· Proud/Privileged
Antagonist: The Custodian
Core traits:
· Greedy
· Violent
· Intelligent
· No guilt/remorse
Supporting Character: Camila – Drug dealer’s girl friend
· Main Purpose: Finds Ruth in the smelting pot and returns to the steel mill to help her
· Value: She provides Ruth with an unorthodox way to escape the smelting pot
Key: AJ = Antagonist Journey; PJ = Protagonist Journey; SCJ = Supporting Character Journey
ACT 1: Ruth is kidnapped
Ruth PJ: Ruth revives in the bottom of a smelting pot trapped. She explores the pot to fathom her situation, searching for a way to climb out. There isn’t one.
Ruth PJ: Above her, a full moon peeks through the remnants of a rotting ceiling. She calls to someone for help, but only hears her echo. She yells louder, and frustrated, collapses, believing she is alone.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian reveals his presence. Ruth looks up to find him standing on the platform above her. For a long moment, he stands staring at here, saying nothing.
Ruth PJ: Ruth’s defiant. Frightened, Ruth screams at her captor demanding answers. She stresses her importance as a congressman’s wife.
Inciting Incident: Proof of life.
Ruth PJ: The Custodian drops her a newspaper for a proof of life photo and instructs her to hold how to hold it under her face. He uses a camera from his overalls to take the picture. Gives her thumbs up.
Deeper Layer: Ruth realizes she’s being held for ransom.
Ruth PJ: Ruth tries to bribe her way out. He listens but rejects the offer.
Custodian AJ 2: The custodian instructs her to be silent. He points to sign painted to the inside of the pot: “Shh! Be quiet. You’re not alone.”.
Ruth PJ: Defiant, Ruth screams for help until emotionally exhausted.
Custodian AJ: He listens to the last echo fade, then holds a finger to his lips “Shh.”
Ruth PJ: She nods, agreeing, too exhausted to fight. When she glances back, he’s vanished into the mill.
Ruth PJ: She spreads the newspaper like a blanket and leans against the side of the pot. She begins to cry. Her soft cries echo from the pot through the mill.
Deeper Layer: The Custodian is warning Ruth that she’s in danger and to keep quiet.
Ruth PJ: Resting, she wakes up to hear two cars roll into the mill.
Ruth PJ: Excited at first, Ruth remembers the sign warning her to keep quiet. She hesitates.
Camila SCJ: Gang members exit the cars. Camila and her boyfriend, Bosa, climb from the cars with Bosa’s henchmen. They drag another man from the back seat, badly beaten. He’s an informer.
Camila SCJ: Camila, holding Bosa’s pet Rottweiler, is forced to watch as Bosa and his men torture the informer to learn who he’s been talking to. Camila winces at the brutality, not wanting to look.
Ruth PJ: Ruth, listening, realizes it’s a street gang come to kill one of their own. She’s in danger. She hears the man tortured, screaming in agony. Her breathing becomes panicked.
Ruth PJ: Ruth’s breathing echoes to the Rottweiler’s ear, and the dog breaks from Camila’s grasp and charges off to find the source of the breathing.
Camila SCJ: Camila chases the dog to the platform overlooking the smelting pot and finds Ruth.
Ruth PJ: Discovered, fearing for her life, Ruth begs Camila not to expose her to the others.
Camila SCJ: When asked what she sees, Camila, having watched the informant tortured, says nothing. She rejoins Bosa the gang.
Ruth PJ: Ruth hears Bosa kill the informant, and the drug gang climb into their cars to leave.
Camila SCJ: Camila looks to the smelting pot wondering about Ruth. She puts the dog in the car, joins her boyfriend, and the cars drive out, leaving the informant’s body.
Ruth PJ: Ruth collapses, horribly distraught.
Custodian AJ: He been watching from the shadows smoking a cigar, armed with a .45 automatic, looking after Ruth. He appears above her again to emphasize quiet.
Turning Point 1: Ruth agrees, understanding the danger surrounding her.
Deeper Layer: The Custodian is keeping her alive. Why?
Act 2: Ruth learns to survive.
Custodian AJ: He contacts the husband by text regarding the ransom. But it’s not the normal ransom demand. The husband is involved in the conspiracy to kidnap Ruth.
Deeper Level: Ruth’s husband wants her dead, but he cannot be trusted.
Ruth PJ: A rattle snake, pursuing a rat, falls into the smelting pot. Ruth rolls-up the newspaper and uses her shoe to swat at the snake. When the snake strikes the newspaper, its fangs get stuck. Ruth grabs the tail and swings, slamming the snake into the side for the pit until it’s dead.
Ruth PJ: When Ruth flings the snake out of the pot, it sails past a grimy-looking derelict standing on the platform watching her. Realizing this moment is an opportunity to escape, Ruth begs him for help, first warning him about the Custodian.
Derelict SCJ: He keeps asking questions, none too concerned about the Custodian, who doesn’t seem to be present. He calls out proving they’re alone. He seemingly decides to help and locates and lowers an old ladder down to her.
Ruth PJ: Ruth is shocked when he climbs down, intending to assault her. Ruth fights him off, but he knocks her down. Injured, on the ground, she backs away until she is pinned against the pot.
Custodian AJ: He appears from nowhere and ropes the derelict around the neck. He yanks hard and pins the derelict against the inside of the pot, strangling him. He loops the rope over a high pully and heaves. Inch by inch, the derelict is lifted off his feet until his struggling stops.
Derelict SCJ: He is left hanging by the neck above the pot.
Ruth PJ: Reluctantly, Ruth thanks the Custodian for saving her. The blames him for her being there!
Custodian AJ: He vanishes again. He drops a blanket and a bottle of water drop into the smelting pot.
Deeper Level: The Custodian must keep her alive until paid, then she can be left to die.
Ruth PJ: Ruth, curled up in the blanket, softly sings a Bible hymn. It echoes through the mill.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian hears the singing and listens. For a moment, he has second thoughts. Then he’s contacted by Ruth’s husband. He wants to renegotiate the deal. The insurance company is causing problems. But the Custodian knows it’s a lie.
Ruth PJ: Nearly asleep, Ruth awakes up at the sound of another car entering the mill. She tries to hide, plastering herself against the wall of the pot, until she realizes, Camila has returned. She warns Camila about the Custodian
Camila SCJ: Camila has returned out of curiosity, but the derelict is hanging in the rafters frightens her, and she tries to flee.
Ruth PJ: Ruth begs Camila for help, convincing her to drop her cell phone for Ruth to call the police. Before Ruth can use the phone —
Custodian AJ: The Custodian kills Camila and drops her body into the smelting pot.
Ruth PJ: Ruth wraps Camila in the blanket, trying to keep her from dying. Camila succumbs to her wounds. Ruth crumbles emotionally, apologizing to Camila for killing her.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian demands Camila’s phone, which Ruth throws at him in a rage. He breaks it. Then uses his own phone to make a call. He holds it up for Ruth to hear her husband answer the call.
Ruth PJ: Ruth realizes her husband is involved in her kidnapping when he answers the call, instantly enraged that the Custodian called him, revealing his involvement in the kidnapping. She screams at him, and he hangs ups.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian walks away. He sends a text to Ruth’s husband demanding full payment, threatening to release Ruth. The husband agrees to the $2M, but Ruth must die. Money first.
Deeper Level: Ruth knows she’s going to be killed.
Midpoint: Ruth’s escape plan
Ruth PJ: Hearing the Custodian leave, Ruth decides she must find a way to escape. She formulates her plan, realizing Camila’s car is parked in the mill. She finds Camila’s car keys in her pocket.
Ruth PJ: She sits Camila’s body against the side of the pot and uses her as a step stool to reach the edge. But she can’t quiet reach.
Ruth PJ: She removes her shoe and tries to hook the heel over the edge. But the heel snaps off, and she falls hard into the pot. Bruises and battered, she tries again, hooking her other shoe to lift her enough to grab the edge with her free hand. She pulls herself up and straddles the edge, but she can’t reach the platform.
Ruth PJ: She slides down the edge where she can reach the hanged derelict and climbs onto his body. She swings herself over to the platform and, landing hard, she lays there, exhausted from the effort. She notices that she broke and nail and begins to laugh until she cries.
Ruth PJ: She hears the Custodian’s car return and flees, barefoot, into the shadows of the mill.
Custodian AJ: Finds Ruth has escaped. He examines how she escaped.
Deeper Level: He supplied the means of her escape.
Custodian AJ: He drops the duffle back of ransom money on the platform, scans the mill. He knows she’s hiding somewhere. He draws his knife and backs into the shadows, searching for Ruth.
Deeper Layer: He must kill Ruth to prevent the conspiracy with her husband from being revealed.
Ruth PJ: She winds her way through the mill to Camila’s car. She sees the Custodian meld into the dark and makes her way around the mill in her bare feet.
Climax: Ruth fights for her freedom
Ruth PJ: From the shadows, she creeps out into the moonlight to the car. Trying the door handle, the Rottweiler lunges at Ruth from behind the driver window, revealing her location.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian emerges and chases after Ruth.
Ruth PJ: She flees into the mill. The dog breaks from the car, nosing the door open, and chases after her. Ruth runs up a ladder, the dog in pursuit. She grabs and pipe and swings, striking the dog. He yelps and limps away.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian is coming up the ladder.
Ruth PJ: Ruth ducks into the shadows again, waiting with the pipe in ambush. She strikes, knocking the Custodian down. But when she swings to finish him off, he grabs the pipe and yanks it from her.
Ruth PJ: Ruth runs off. Crossing the catwalk, her bare foot digs into something sharp, and she falls, crying out.
Custodian AJ: Wounded, the Custodian climbs to his feet and gives chase.
Ruth PJ: Ruth limps to her feet, running as a fast as she can. When she realizes she cannot escape, she decides to fight or die.
Ruth PJ: Cornered on the platform above the smelting pot, Ruth fights him off, jabbing at him with a piece of sharp metal, slicing him once. He slaps her down and readies his knife.
Custodian AJ: The Rottweiler charges from nowhere, slamming into the Custodian. He stabs at the dog, wounding it, but trips over the ransom money and falls from the platform. He lands headfirst in the smelting pot.
Ruth PJ: Ruth peers over the edge at the Custodian laying on his back.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian is dead.
Ruth PJ: Ruth has survived. She finds the Custodian’s cell phone in the bag of money and calls police.
Resolution: Ruth gets her revenge
Ruth PJ: Ruth sits in the back of the ambulance, waiting to be taken to the hospital. The Rottweiler sits next to her bandaged. It’s her dog now.
Ruth PJ: Ruth’s husband arrives feigning concern. When he joins her in the ambulance, Ruth reveals the Custodian’s cell phone containing text messages to her husband. She smiles sadistically and pets her new dog.
Deeper Level: Ruth is now in charge.
Custodian AJ: The police investigate. They retrieve the girl’s body from the smelting pot and lower the derelicts body from the rafters. But when the rescue team is ordered to retrieve the Custodian body, he’s vanished from the smelting pot.
Custodian AJ: The Custodian has escaped.
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Andrew Boyd’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision:
For Hitler’s Choirboys to be such a compelling screenplay that Steven Spielberg and Mel Gibson will battle it out to produce their best WW2 blockbuster since Hacksaw Ridge or Schindler’s List. That this screenplay will confront racism as everybody’s issue and show that it’s never too late to receive mercy.
What I learned from this assignment:
To think through going beyond dialogue to action. Picture what does that action/reaction look like? How is it expressed kinetically and shown on screen?
Genre: Drama / True Story
ACT 1: Challenge to go to Nuremberg to keep the leading Nazis alive until they hang for their crimes – and to break the Nazi legend.
Fuller PJ 1: Fuller is telling his story years later: the odd couple: the hustler and the chaplain working together in a military hospital in Munich as the war comes to an end. For Fuller, it’s play the organ in chapel, or go to jail.
CAT 1 Hot playing, wise-cracking, entertaining sidekick of the Chaplain, who hits the keys while his boss jams hot on the trombone. Lights up the room. Sardonic approach to the parole board – older, wiser, but still sassy.
Henry PJ 1: Henry and Fuller working together in post-war Munich. The soldiers love it when Fuller hits the keys of that piano and Henry plays his beloved trombone hot.
CAT 1 At the end of Chapel service, with a twinkle in his eye, Henry gives everyone what they want – he plays his trombone hot and loud while Sam pounds the piano. A great rapport with Sam and the patients in his care.
Henry PJ 2: The war may be ending, but those ambulances keep coming. It’s exhausting. His catchphrase is ‘And this too shall pass.’
CAT 2 Exhausted, bloodied, still kindly, still smiling, still hanging in. Treats a patient whose face has been blown off. Almost, but not quite lost for words. Overcoming the horror to put the other man first.
Henry PJ 3: Henry gets news his boys have been seriously wounded in the war.
CAT 3 Keeps the pain of the news about his sons to himself. Goes straight into caring for Sam Fuller.
Henry PJ 4: Flashback to home, Henry encourages his boys to sign up. Alma says she’ll never forgive him if anything happens to them.
CAT 4 Suddenly aware of his wife’s needs and fears. Instead of hitting back against her unreasonable reaction, he responds with empathy when their son goes off to war. Already beginning shouldering a burden of guilt and apprehension.
Fuller PJ 2: Fuller is told the Nazis murdered his big brother Joel when he tried to surrender. [Could shift to later]
CAT 2 The lights go out. Internalises his grief.
Fuller PJ 3: Flashback to his home. Joel saw off their alcoholic father and brought Sam up on his own, hustling to survive. Joel signs up to fight, with Sam following in his footsteps.
CAT 3 Fear and contempt for his abusive father. Brought up by his big bro to be a hustler to survive and get respect. Steal, shoplifts and always on the run, foreshadowing the incident with Brannigan later.
Henry PJ 5: Henry and Fuller are sent to Dachau to witness the aftermath of the Nazi atrocities and prepare him for the assignment to come.
CAT 5 When everything he believes about the goodness of God and innate humankindness is undercut. Anger rises and the desire for revenge when he is at his lowest. He, too, wants to kill. This self-realisation hits him hard.
Fuller PJ 4: Fuller sets out to kill a Nazi POW in Dachau to avenge the murder of his brother when he tried to surrender. Henry want to kill him too, but prevents Fuller, which sours their relationship.
CAT 4 Asks a Nazi to tell him a joke to prove his humanity – showing despite his fury and thirst for revenge, he is still looking for the best in people. Deftly lifts Lt Shaeffer’s pistol like an accomplished pick-pocket. Drunk and pushed to the brink by grief. Can’t understand the German. Out of his depth and drowning when he threatens to kill the SS POW.
Deeper Layers: Henry encouraged his boys to sign up. His wife said she would never forgive them if anything happened. Now he must deal with his guilt and get back home to save his marriage. But he needs to be in Nuremberg.
News of his brother’s murder fuels Fuller’s desire for revenge.
Joel brought Fuller up in place of his alcoholic father. The experience of his father has given Fuller a deep distrust of father figures.
For Henry, Dachau stirs up an anger that has this kindly man contemplating murder. It scares him. It also breaks his resistance to the death penalty.
INCITING INCIDENT: Henry and his assistant Fuller are assigned to Nuremberg for chaplain duties to the leading Nazis.
Henry PJ 6: Henry doesn’t want to help the Nazis. He’s seen too many good boys killed for that. His marriage is under strain, and he is overdue to be sent home home. If he chooses to stay, his marriage could well be on the line.
CAT 6 Self-sacrifice and self-doubt. He takes the harder road and stays on in Nuremberg. A man who will do the right thing, whatever the cost.
Fuller PJ 5: Fuller loathes the Nazis, doesn’t want to help them, and would lose his cushy hustle in Munich. Last thing he wants is to go to Nuremberg. But what choice does he have? – it’s Nuremberg or jail.
CAT 5 Angry with the chaplain, angry with the world. Nowhere to turn. Forced to go to Nuremberg. Internalises his anger.
TURNING POINT 1: Henry is torn between his duties to God, the military and his marriage. He takes the hard route and chooses to go to Nuremberg. And Fuller, who doesn’t have a choice, has to go with him.
ACT 2: Into Nuremberg, a fish out of water, outgunned and manipulated by the leading Nazis.
Henry PJ 7: Into the ruins. A devastated city. Henry revealed as kindly and seemingly naïve. Fuller as bitter. Their genuine friendship under strain.
CAT 7 Kind and considerate, even to a former SS soldier. Not a racist bone in his body. He sees the Nazi kids and they remind him of his boys.
Fuller PJ 6: Fuller shows hatred to the ex-SS soldier who watches them in the ruins – and to his children.
CAT 6 Loses it when a German kid pretends to shoot him with a stick, revealing the fury and indignation still close the surface. Mad at his boss for playing along and offering to surrender – just like his brother Joel.
Henry PJ 8: The Colonel tells Henry he must prevent the Nazis committing suicide and make them take responsibility for their war crimes.
CAT 8 Still searching for the higher and harder ground he chooses to exceed his military brief by staying true to his higher calling as a chaplain, and setting out to find these men who are utterly lost.
Henry PJ 9: Henry is introduced to his behind-the-scenes team in Nuremberg, a Catholic chaplain concealing a war wound, and a Jewish psychologist with an understandable axe to grind.
CAT 9 Disarmingly affable, cheery, joking, yet evaluating and astute. Winning friends by standing with them and seeking common ground. Foreshadowing his approach to the Nazis.
Goering AJ 1: Pleads not guilty in court, treats the Tribunal with contempt, and dominates other defendants to keep the Nazi legend alive.
AJ1 Centre of attraction. Drawing all eyes. Dominating the other defendants and the courtroom. At this stage, charismatic and powerful, joking, smiling, pointing out the sights, the ringmaster at his own circus. Narrowly escaping death when a knife is thrown. Takes it in his stride with good humour. Clearly courageous and able to laugh at himself.
Fuller PJ 7: Realises Henry didn’t tell about Dachau. So Sam the hustler finds his boss an organ and arranges for two cells to be knocked into a chapel.
CAT 7 Realises the chaplain didn’t tell the Colonel about his incident at Dachau. So softens in his attitude and hustles on Henry’s behalf, finding him an organ and two rooms for a chapel.
Fuller PJ 8: Fuller, who’s black, walks out on his boss after SS prisoners hurl racial insults at him while playing the organ. To avoid jail and hold on to his hustle, he opts to guard the leading Nazis – where he can torment them.
CAT 8 Fury at racial abuse by the Nazis. Walks out on the chaplain. Takes up guard duty to avoid jail and give him the chance to torment the prisoners.
Henry PJ 10: The kindly chaplain is treated with indifference and contempt by the Nazis, while their leader Hermann Goering tries to manipulate Henry to gain influence. Gilbert warns him the US guards think Henry is too pally with the Nazis.
CAT 10 A fish out of water. Self-doubt, undermined, played for a fool, but always unreasonably respectful and kind, and still evaluating, still choosing the harder road. He shakes hands with the Nazis, in contravention of orders, and refers to them by their Nazi rank, which has been abolished. Sets himself up for accusations of being a Nazi lover.
Goering AJ 2: Goering has recovered from drug addiction thanks to the prison regime, but is back at his scheming best, at the peak of his powers.
CAT 2 Trying to exercise to show how fit he is. More self-deprecating humour. Running rings round the prosecutor. Pinching an interpreter’s bottom in court. Dismissing concentration camp film and other compelling evidence as propaganda. Unwavering in his self-belief.
Henry PJ 11: Tensions with Gilbert grow as Henry pursues mercy while Gilbert seeks vengeance.
CAT 11 Not thrown by Gilbert’s accusations. Choosing to hear and evaluate, rather than retaliate. Teachable and secure, despite moments of self-doubt.
Deeper Layers: Henry and Fuller have good cause to hate Hitler’s henchmen. To a man they plead not guilty and treat the court with contempt.
Fuller’s friendship with Henry is strained to breaking point – exacerbated by his suspicion towards father figures.
Abandoned by his parents as a child, betrayed by his government during the First War, Goering is driven by his need to keep his and the Nazi legend alive.
Goering AJ 3: Plays Henry and the others to win his sympathy and to try to get the Allies to join forces with Germany against Russia.
CAT 3 Self-justifying, manipulative, scheming, charming. Winning favours from the guards by giving them gifts, including his expensive engraved chronograph.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: O’Connor reveals to Henry that his humiliation in the WWI recruitment line is holding him back; court artist Laura Knight shows Henry he must break through the Nazis’ denial and make them see; Gilbert shows Henry he must marshal the evidence to confront the Nazis, and Fuller shows him he must get tough.
Henry learns that the only way to break through to these Nazi defendants is to get tough with them: ‘To stand up to bullies.’
Henry PJ 12: Sixtus shows Henry that what’s holding him back is fear of inflicting humiliation on others – due to his father humiliating him in the recruitment line. We see this in flashback.
CAT 12 Grateful for the wise counsel offered by Sixtus. Valuing this contribution by a man of another faith. Accepts the revelation of his own weakness and humbly learns from it.
Fuller PJ 9: Fuller returns to the ordinary world of the hustle in his off-duty hours, pounding the keys and cracking jokes in a GI nightclub, and getting it together with his white girlfriend, Evelyn.
CAT 9 Throws himself back into his black-market hustle, entertaining in a GI nightclub, flaunting his white girlfriend, ignoring the protests of his racist sergeant. Cocksure and self-destructive.
Fuller PJ 10: Antagonism grows from his racist sergeant Brannigan, who beats him up and is assigned to new duties.
CAT 10 Beaten up by his sergeant, yet refusing to complain, furious when Henry has the sergeant reassigned. Foreshadowing his death wish.
Henry PJ 13: Henry gets to know the court artist, who opens his eyes to what he must do. But how?
CAT 13 Missing his wife. Drawn to another woman, but recognising that, acts with restraint. Always willing to learn from another, to see things from their point of view.
Deeper Layer Reveal: The catholic chaplain recognises Henry is pulling his punches. Henry was badly humiliated by his German father during World War One. Pa hauled him away from the recruitment line where he was signing up to fight for Uncle Sam against the Kaiser. Henry must overcome his own aversion to humiliation if he is to get tough and confront others.
ACT 3: Henry gets his mojo – learns tough love and confronts the Nazis with evidence of their guilt to shatter their denial.
Henry PJ 14: Jewish witness Shia Morontz gives Henry the lead he needs to break through the Nazi denial.
CAT 14 Respectful, kind and compassionate to this Jewish witness. Humble enough to admit he doesn’t have all the answers. Puts his hand on his in a café, comes close to tears, enrages some of the Germans in the café by standing publicly with a Jew.
Henry PJ 15: Gilbert falls out with Henry, accusing him of being naive and self-righteous.
CAT 15 Giving Gilbert a hearing, even though he is rude and drunk, believing there is something to be learned in every situation, humbly evaluating the truth of those criticisms. Betraying early signs of overwork by being unable to relax in what should be a friendly card game.
Henry PJ 16: Henry learns to confront without humiliation. He challenges defendant after defendant with hard evidence, forcing them out of denial and towards responsibility.
CAT 16 Learning tough love, how to confront without compromise without tipping into humiliation. And, although afraid of losing his temper, managing to keep his temper under control.
Goering AJ 4: What the Nazis have done is plain to see. Goering’s domination is broken by the weight of visual evidence and testimony. And by being cut off from the other defendants.
CAT 4 Narcissistic, self-obsessed, vain, furious at being sidelined in a dining room on his own. Like a toddler sent to the naughty step.
Fuller PJ 11 Fuller teases and torments the Nazis behind bars. [Need more from Fuller in Act 3]
CAT 11 Teases and torments the Nazis behind bars. Getting his fun and his own back at their expense – but child-like and mischievous, never vicious.
Henry PJ 17: Henry goes down with pneumonia due to the cold and overwork. His sons, both recovering from their war wounds come to see him and encourage him in his work.
CAT 17 His delirious nightmares betray his insecurity. His joy at seeing his sons reminds us of this father’s great love for his boys. His teachability allows him to be mentored by his sons and to let go of his guilt.
Henry PJ 18: Henry wins Gilbert round, so they can stop trading atrocities.
CAT 18 Employing his new tough love to confront Gilbert and win back his friendship. Showing him the picture of the murdered priest at Dachau punctures Gilbert’s self-pity and undermines his accusations.
Fuller PJ 12: Fuller’s wisecracks at the Stork Club stoke up his racist sergeant, who tries to attack him with a broken bottle. [Need to amp up Brannigan’s threats].
CAT 12 Increasingly outrageous, his wisecracks at the Stork Club are calculated to provoke his sergeant who tries to attack him with a broken bottle.
Henry PJ 19: The Colonel plans to send Henry home. But the Nazis write to Alma begging for him to stay. She relents and persuades the Colonel to keep him on in Nuremberg. But to stay on, Henry must compromise and spy on the Nazis.
CAT 19 Still taking the higher, harder road of risk to self. Still pressing for what he believes to be right.
Deeper Layer: Henry’s sons exonerate him from his sense of guilt of encouraging them to go to war.
His wife now values the work he is doing and lets him stay.
Goering AJ 5: Makes contact with the Nazi resistance to try to stage a breakout. [Or at midpoint?]
CAT 5 Pulls a favour from a guard to slip a note to the Nazi resistance. Cold. Dangerous. Two-faced with the guard. All smiles to his face. Coolly self-satisfied when he has gone.
Henry PJ 20: Henry and the Catholic chaplain arrange family visits to try to get through to the Nazis.
CAT 20 Overwhelmed by the German kids and the pro-Nazi poison they have been fed: their prayers to Hitler, their anti-Semitic schoolbooks. Holding on to kindness.
Turning Point 3 Henry’s confrontation with Goering fails, as does his efforts to reach him via his daughter. Goering’s arrogance is undiminished.
Henry PJ 21: Forced to face his failure and deny Goering communion. [Third or 4<sup>th</sup> Act?]
CAT 21 Torn by the dilemma that when Goering finally asks for communion, what Henry has been working for all these months, he has to deny him. Revealing that he has finally learned tough love.
Fuller PJ 13: All is lost moment for Fuller, who takes bets on how many Nazis will hang. His racist sergeant stakes his motherlode on 11. Looks like he’s called it right. But how will Fuller pay? Realises he’s running a dreadful risk.
CAT 13 Overdoes it with his betting on how many Nazis will hang. For the first time, fearful for the consequences of his recklessness.
ACT 4: Confrontation with Goering, execution of the Nazis, Resolution.
Henry PJ 22: Henry’s last-ditch go-for-broke confrontation with Goering fails. He loses his temper and fears he may have blown it.
CAT 22 Fury with Goering. Reprise of his finger-curling desire to kill, swallowed down and internalised in a way that brings him close to collapse.
Goering AJ 6: Final refusal to recognise the truth about himself and accept responsibility.
CAT 6 Tearful over his daughter’s painting, but devastated over realising he has been cheated by a forger.
Henry PJ 23: But Henry’s other efforts pay off. He finally gets through to some of the Nazis, who denounce Hitler and take responsibility.
CAT 23 Final go-for-broke confrontation with Goering fails. Henry believes it is because he has lost his temper and pushed Goering too hard. Reveals his self-doubt.
Goering AJ 7: Goering commits suicide.
CAT 7 Determined and defiant, deceiving the guards about his cyanide capsule. Giving himself his martyr’s death, rather than be hanged as a criminal.
Climax: Henry and the doctor are unable to save Goering, but with the minds concentrated by their imminent execution some Nazis finally accept responsibility and make their peace. Ten Nazis go to the gallows.
Henry PJ 24: Henry accompanies them to the scaffold – almost triggering a heart attack.
CAT 24 Almost has a heart attack as he accompanies the men he has served to the scaffold. Paying a huge personal cost to have cared for them for almost a year, and now to see them die. Hugely moved by the final words of those who have responded to his ministry.
Fuller PJ 14: Only ten Nazis hang, so the Sergeant loses his bet – which means he is coming for Fuller. Amps up his game on the black market.
CAT 14 Hustles Russian soldiers to try to get money. Upping the risk. Getting in deeper.
Fuller PJ 15: Fuller is confronted by his racist sergeant in an alley in Nuremberg. Brannigan has had Fuller’s white girlfriend beaten and plans to cut Fuller with a knife. Fuller overcomes Sgnt Brannigan and almost kills him. The memory of Henry putting his life on the line at Dachau holds Fuller back from committing murder. He goes on the run.
CAT 15 Beaten up by his racist sergeant, who has attacked his white girlfriend and now wants to cut him down to size. Lifts a sidearm, just like he did in Dachau, and confronts the Sergeant. Thinks back to that scene in Dachau, sees the face of his father-figure, Henry Gerecke, telling him not to shoot. Instead, shoots the sergeant in the ear, sparing his life.
Goering AJ 8: The atrocities revealed at the trial have demoralised the Nazi resistance who melt away. Goering’s body is cremated and his effigy burnt in Nuremberg – the Nazi legend is broken.
CAT 8 A straw effigy of his bloated body mocked and burned by kids in Nuremberg – the same kids Goering expected to come to his rescue.
Resolution: Henry goes home to be reunited with wife and family. Resumes prison ministry. Fuller court-martialled and jailed. Henry pulls strings to make Fuller his assistant in Menard. Fuller and Henry reconciled. Fuller learns to show mercy. Makes peace with himself. Henry dies. Fuller released to attend his memorial. Completes his story with a where-are-they-now roundup.
Fuller PJ 16: Fuller is transferred to Menard as Henry’s assistant, back at the piano. He learns to give and receive mercy, and is reconciled to Henry and himself.
CAT 16 Post-war, back behind bars in Menard with Henry. Still playing the piano hot. Older and wiser, he finally learns to forgive his father and find reconciliation.
Henry PJ 25: Restored to his family, resumes his ministry, hugely popular, thanks to his compassion, humour and hot trombone. Reconciled to Fuller. [Need to develop Henry’s sense of humour.]
CAT 25 Joy at being reunited with his family. Resuming a popular prison ministry at Menard. Still funny, still warm, still playing his trombone hot – and finally achieving reconciliation with Fuller.
Fuller PJ 17: To get revenge on the Nazis he tells the hangman they murdered his buddy at Malmedy. So the hangman botches the killings.
CAT 17 Flashback. Vindictively gets the hangman to botch the executions, consummating his desire for revenge.
Henry PJ 26: Dies in Resolution scene – heart attack. Honoured in Menard by prisoners, including Sam Fuller.
CAT 26 Heart attack at the wheel of his car.
Fuller PJ 18: Fuller completes his account to the parole board. They buy his story, would have done the same to his sergeant. They release him from jail.
CAT 18 Persuades the Parole Board to buy his story that the shooting was justified. They see it his way as a racist attack and attempted mutilation. Released.
Fuller PJ 19: Attends Henry’s memorial, where he plays the organ – hot.
CAT 19 Plays the organ hot at Henry’s funeral.
Fuller PJ 20: Wrap-up scene with reporter years later, explaining where are they now.
CAT 20 Sardonic summing up of where everyone is all these years later. Sassy as ever.
Thank you!
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Joel Stern’s Character Action Tracks!
Module 4 Lesson 5
My vision: To write eight screenplays
that become Hollywood blockbusters and to get a speaking line in at
least one of them.What I learned from this assignment:
Staying true to main characters personality profile with each beat.Protagonist: Jim “Ace” McCarthy
Beat 1: FRAGILE. Jim “Ace”
McCarthy (25) steps off the troop train, a WW II Medal of Honor
winner finally home at war’s end. He joins loving wife Jane (23, his
high school sweetheart) and 10-year-old son. Jim breaks down as he
and Jane kiss. He bends down to hug Jim Jr. and a whiskey flask falls
from his back pocket. A very rare emotional moment for Jim.Beat 2: UNDERLYING RAGE: Jim enjoys poker too. But after another
losing hand he tells his pals a joke, calmly leaves the table and
punches a hole in the bathroom wall. His suppressed rage is a key
factor in the murders he commits later on.Beat 3: OUTWARDLY CALM: Jim learns that his wife has a rare form
of terminal cancer but he never shows emotion, odd for such a loving
husband. His wife takes this as his personal strength.Beat 4: STOIC: Jane dies. Jim doesn’t shed a tear at the funeral.
When he and his son return home Jim makes it like it’s just another
day. No visitors to pay respects.Beat 5: LIKEABILTY: Jim becomes a boy scout leader, is great with
kids. Parents like him too.Beat 6: SELF DESTRUCTIVE: Becomes a heavy gambler at local casino.
His huge debt results in harassing phone calls from mobster Sal.
Drinks heavily but is able to conceal it and it adds to his illusions
and distortion of the past.Beat 7: OUTWARDLY CALM: Maintains composure even after Sal gives
him ten days to pay up or face family killings.Beat 8: CHARMING: Meets native American Carol Newhouse, an
undercover FBI agent posing as a local newspaper reporter. He wants
her to help him find and uncover Sal. She falls for him.Beat 9: BREAKING POINT: Goes into a panic when he’s sent to cover
the story of a murdered tourist. It turns out to be his father –
punishment from Sal for not paying his gambling debt. We’ve never
seen this side of Jim. He covers another murder – at the crime
scene he discovers it’s his boss! Carol and other law enforcement
arrive and arrest Jim for committing the murders.At Jim’s hospital bedside Carol reveals who she really is. She
recaps his war crime – killing a group of children in a church he
actually thought were German soldiers. But the evidence shows they
were indeed German soldiers – young kids – and that he saved a
village of innocent civilian from certain death. But now he faces the
murder of his father and his boss who he hallucinated as being German
officers. He also learns that “Sal” was all in his head. He
really was a mob boss but died 20 years before.CAROL NEWHOUSE (FBI Agent)
Beat 1: TRICKY: She casually approaches Jim at a diner and strikes
up a conversation. Tells Jim she’s a local newspaper reporter. She’s
really investigating whether Jim is truly a war hero or a war
criminal. They meet again over coffee. He tells her about Sal’s
harassing phone calls and asks if she could help identify him. She
agrees.Beat 2: WEAK: It’s the late 1940s. Women in the FBI? Maybe, but
after intial work on Jim’s case she’s not going to risk her career by
bending any rules. She hesitates about what to do should Jim really
turn out to be a war criminal. Meanwhile she’s falling for him.Beat 3: DETERMINED: Facing disrespect from (male) fellow agents
over her authority and the fact that she’s “harassing” a Medal of
Honor war hero, Carol summons up her inner strength and actively
pursues the truth about Jim’s past. By stories end she’s well
respected by her male peers. -
Joyce’s Dharacter Action Tracks
Cardenio Lost
To create memorable movie scripts that actorrs want to perform.
WIL: I paused to research my subject to fulfillthe requirement for action.
Genre: Action / Drama
ACT 1:
P. J. 1. Before class Fellow graduate studentsantagonize him.
Triangle: 2. Professor announces his forthcoming publication and hints that his manuscript will anger the current Shakespearean legacy advocates with the real truth about the authorship of Shakespeare’s plays..
Deeper Layer: Colin is against the argument the professor wants published., but he needs an assistant position the professor has open.
AJ. 3. Delaney feels the class should promote professor’s research.
PJ. 4. After a hot discussion about Champion’s proposed thesis concerning questions in Shakespeare’s plays, such as in Macbeth and Hamlet, Colin is attacked by Champion and overtly socks him. He explains how Hamlet’s soliloquy is like a debate topic, such as “resolved a decline in global reliance on the dollar would help international economies”and did not mean what Champion proposes.
Triangle: When the class is over. Professor calls Colin into his office and offers him an associate position.
PJ. 5. Colin reads notes professor for the forthcoming manuscript and opposes the radical ideas in the publication.
PJ. 6. Colin asks for more time to decide realizing that will insure Colin’s PHD.
AJ. 7. Delaney overhears them and follows the professor to the library rare book section to confront him about his decision to give Colin an associate position.
PJ. 8. Colin tries to avoid sexy Laurel in the library 800’s but she kisses him.
Reveal: Laurel pretends that Colin is her lover, a ploy which embarrasses him and flatters him, too.
PJ. 9. A book falls on them from a high shelf.
PJ.10. Colin fumbles with books. and Laurel leaves with Champion who will help her pass the finals.
AJ. 11. Delaney appears after she witnessed the kiss and the book.
PJ. 12. Colin pulls several books from the shelves with Delaney dogging him.
PJ. 13. Colin tricks Delaney into an elevator, but he exits seconds before the doors close.
AJ. 14. On the rare books floor Delaney argues with professor because he refuses to change his decision,
Triangle: Professor demands she must leave him alone to work on additional pages of his book.
AJ. 15. The only two there she steals his manuscript and stays in the next section away from professor,
Aj. 16. She opens the manuscript, but it is blank.
TP. 17. As the air control that preserves the rare volumes hisses, the professor becomes unconscious.
PJ. 18. Colin goes to find the professor and discovers him and an incoherent Delaney.
PJ. 19. Colin drags her out from there, calls for help, and goes back for the professor.
INCITING INCIDENT: 20. The police suspect that Colin tampered with the air controls.
AJ. 21. Delaney witnesses that the manuscript is missing and that Colin may know where it is.
Triangle: 22.he professor is seriously impaired and can’t explain about the ms.
Deeper Level: 23.Police treat the affair as an accident with a faulty air control.
PJ. 24. Colin becomes the associate, and finals will replace dissertations.
PJ. 25. Colin loses when the majority decides to investigate but none of them wants to give up finals to play detective, so they draw straws.
PJ. 26. The investigation will end his graduate studies.
AJ . 27. Delaney fakes the next shorter straw to go with Colin after the manuscript, a real sacrifice since she dislikes him.
Deeper Layer: She desperately wants the manuscript even though it will cause an uproar among Shakespeare’s followers, the tourism, and his legacy.
PJ . 28. Colin visits the ailing professor to eke out information.
PJ. 29. Colin chases a suspicious man but loses him.
AJ. 30. Delaney bumps into Colin and helps understand the professor.
Triangle. 31. Although the professor can’t write or speak, he. can move his fingers.
PJ. 32. Works with Professor to set up a way that they can get a clue. “Cardenio”.
TURNING POINT.
PJ and AJ. 33 They decipher acrostics and symbols and Professor’s clues to his attacker and his manuscript.
Deeper Level. Answers can be found in an unpublished play “Cardenio”, which treasure seekers search for in Europe.
ACT 2:
Inciting incident. 34. Colin and Delaney are stopped at the airport and lose their passports.
AJ: 35. Delaney pulls strings, with family ties and they sail to Europe on a barge.
DJ and AJ. 36. After a warning they jump into the surf before landing.
AJ. 37. Holds on to her suitcase and loses her second one.
PJ. 38. Colin shares his shirts with her.
Deeper Level: They will not be able to return through legal immigration ports
PJ.39. In Europe Colin must sharpen his wits for they are being followed.
Turning point 2:
AJ. 40. Delaney sabotages their secrecy.
DEEPER LAYER REVEAL:
AJ. 41. Delaney isn’t a struggling graduate student, but from an aristocratic background.
PJ. 42. Colin finds a family who have information passed down about “Cardenio” and three other plays never printed in a folio.
AJ. 43. Delaney’s anger lessens against Colin and promises to help find the manuscript, but after that she wants an equal playing field.
AJ. 44. Delaney meets Bragg. Secretly.
DEEPER LEVEL REAVEAL:
Bragg is a more dangerous antagonist than she is.
AJ. 45. Delaney agrees to get him the manuscript to save Colin.
DEEPER LEVEL REVEAL: Colin admits he cares more about Delaney than the Shakespeare legacy.
Turning Point 3:
PJ: 46: Colin figures out clues to the manuscript sent to professor’s contact in Europe.
AJ. 47. Delaney steals it and tells Colin she knows what the professor has discovered.
Act 3:
Deeper Reveal
AJ. 48. In Delaney’s family tree are aristocrats and noblemen as ancestors who may be the real authors of Shakespeare’s works, but she may die for it.
AJ. 49. Delaney hides the manuscript, so the attacker kidnaps her.
PJ. 50. In the lowlands of the Alps, Colin picks up Delaney’s trail.
AJ. 51. Delaney tricks the attacker and leaves clues for Colin to reach her.
Turning point 4:
PJ. 52. Colin fights Bragg and rescues Delaney.
AJ. 53. Bragg chases them on a train.
PJ. 54. Colin fights to save Delaney and the manuscript.
AJ. 55. Bragg pulls a gun on Colin.
AJ. 56. Delaney tears open the manuscript and throws it into the wind, as the train goes over a trestle.
AJ. 57. Bragg attempts to recover some of it and dies.
Act 4:
PJ. 59. PJ. Convinces Delaney that it just doesn’t matter who wrote the plays and poems.
AJ. 60. Delaney reveals she is related to Macbeth, and
Duncan, Southhampton, de Vere, the Neville’s and several monarchs. From William the Conqueror to the present day.PJ. 61. Colin and Delaney sneak back into the country.
Resolution
P.J. 62. Colin fails in his journey, but he helps the professor communicate to reconstruct the manuscript.
Climax
AJ. and PJ. 63. They hire Laurel to care for Professor so that she and Colin can return to Europe to find three plays which were performed but never published.
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WIM Vic Valleau MODULE 4, LESSON 5 CHARACTER ACTION TRACKS
VISION: As a writer, I am an alchemist, turning the ordinary into gold, creating screenplays that buyers compete to produce.
WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS: finding new actions builds character.
ACT 1 Dressed for a date and with flowers in hand, Bob makes his theatrical entrance. Meanwhile, there is also Wyle there to court his secret girlfriend Manager Samantha from clinic.
Beat 1 Bob studies door marked Donor’s entrance, congratulates himself.
Beat 2 Bob sees Mia, parks in Dr. parking.space, flirts.
He walks past Donor’s door but fails, is disappointed and meekly dismisses Clinic staff giggling at his theatrical entrance.
Beat 3 Wyle and whole waiting room, hide their laughter.
Beat 4 Mia hides in bathroom from Wyle
Beat 5. Mia runs into Bob leaving Donor’s room.
Beat 6. Smitten and chasing Mia, Bob’s fired for chasing Mia.
Beat 11 Cute meet: Minnie giggles at Bob’s embarrassment, as Mia runs out.
Beat 7 Bob talks too much. Bob’s back story. Mom says, 2 week Las Vegas marriage was annulled by W wo said she wasn’t a walking womb and a baby factory when Bob wouldn’t shut up about babies.
Beat 8 Wyle laughs at Bob again after hearing Bob’s exit interview.
Beat 9Neither Mia nor Bob see Wyle or see him or know this at start.
Beat 10.: Mia tells Minnie she had miscarriage from 1<sup>st</sup> husband.
Beat 12 Mia tells Minnie about her miscarriages
Beat 13 INCITING INCIDENT FOR BOB: . He’s fired.
beat 14.Bob’s Exit interview covers annulment reasons, then Lies to Mia .
ACT 2
Wyle blackmails Bob says he will tell Mia if Bob gets unmanageable. i
Bob says fate brought Mia to him, so he’s immovable. She thinks he’s nuts.
Beat 11 Wyle is cornered by Mia. He pretends he is doing favor for his wife when he needs cover with Sam.
Beat 12Mia looks to divorce if she catches Wyle with Sam.
Beat 13. Wyle journeys starts with his muscle contest photos and keeping his secret of being sterile, blaming Mia.
Deeper Layer
Beat 14. Bob fights real love with Minnie, lives in fantasy. .
MIDPOINT (Beat 15) Minnie sneaks Mia’s records to Bob, explains menstrual cycles and when Mia will come in again. 29 days with the moon.
Beat 16 Bob shows college scrapbook with Mia Homecoming queen. He was court jester
:
Beat 17 Bob misunderstands politeness for attraction by Mia
.
Beat 18 Bob asks his men friends if it is love when a woman smiles and says Excuse me”.
Beat 19 Bob asks other women at the clinic if she wants his baby. They laugh.
Beat 20 How does Wyle react to Bob’s pursuit of his wife?
Beat 21 Mia’s lies and both men believe her.
Beat 22 She lies about why she’s at the clinic. She’s spying on him, just used the restroom, to hide from Wyle.
Deeper Layer: Both men want to believe her conflicting stories.
Genre conventions: two men compete for woman’s love.
ACT 3
Beat:23 Bob convinces Mia to leave Wyle,
Beat 24 Bob brings flowers for Mia but she switches card to Minnie.
Beat 25 Mia and Minnie concoct a plan fort Minnie to get Bob.
Beat 26 Plan in effect but fails.
Beat 27 Bob then proposes marriage.
TURNING POINT:
Beat 28 Bob’s marriage proposal to Mia causes her to run.
Beat 29 Wyle scares Bob. Reconciles with Mia.
Beat 30 Bob listens to Mia to pursue Minnie and he agrees.
Deeper Layer: Bob steps up for first time, fights for love but Minnie is
Angry about Bob’s marriage proposal to Mia.
Genre conventions: Bob loses girl
ACT 4
Bob become serious for love so now is mate material, recognized by Mia but Minnie presses his to prove his fidelity.
CLIMAX Bob and Wyle fight, both almost arrested. .
Sam confronts Wyle but Wyle needs to be fighting for Mia who wants him back.
Bob thanks Mia.
Bob is fighting for his integrity, becoming a family man, stable, employed, respected by friends.
Desperate “Daddy” quest ends up. A random baby calls him Daddy in front of police,
Minnie kisses him and asks ”Do you want to be a daddy?” He gives up “Daddy” quest but finds love. .
Gets busted by SAM reporting Bob to police for stealing clinic records and firing Minnie. .
Deeper Layer
Bob’s stepping up, being a man.
Wyle and pregnant Mia re-unite. Bob and Wyle shake hands then kiss their women, as camera pans over wall photo of Clinic of hundreds of laughing baby photos.
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Amy’s Character Action Tracks!
Vision: I want to become known as an expert in the family-friendly genre and make a full-time living as a screenwriter.
What I learned from doing this assignment is some of my character’s unique actions were already in my outline, but other plot points could use some work.
Title: Unroyally in Love
Act 1: Stephanie learns of a glitch in her schedule and declares that she’s not going to attend the masquerade ball, once of the biggest royal events of the year, until her mother the queen sets her straight.
Stephanie PJ 1: Stephanie attends the royal masquerade ball and runs into Jack disguised by a mask. When he acts like he doesn’t know who she is, she is insulted and demands to know who he is and how he got into the ball, until he reveals himself. Then she gets angry and the two spar verbally.
Jack AJ 1: Jack attends the royal masquerade ball in disguise and pretends like he doesn’t know who Stephanie is. He tried to woo her at the same time. He reveals himself and then argues with her.
Historian visits the castle to talk to Stephanie, Ava and Willis. He lets them know he’s doing some research into the royal line. Ava throws him out. Then Stephanie throws herself on the nearest couch and sobs.
Inciting Incident: Historian informs the family that they are not royals. Says he will keep his mouth shut for now, but tells them they must decide how they are going to proceed.
Stephanie PJ 2: Stephanie visits her father’s grave wearing a tiara to talk to him about what’s just happened and vows that she will do what he would have done in this situation.
Historian visits Jack and informs him that Stephanie’s family is not really royal.
Jack PJ 2: He finds out about Stephanie’s predicament and approaches her about helping her, even though he knows she hates him.
Historian leaks the news to the press.
Turning Point 1: The news gets out that Stephanie’s family is not really royal. The country is in chaos. Stephanie must accept help from Prince Jack who she hates from the country next door.
The politicians in the country demand that Stephanie’s family vacate the castle.
Historian identifies the rightful princess, but no one has any idea where she is. The press and all the politicians vow to find her.
Stephanie: PJ 3: Stephanie gets booted out of the castle and accepts Jack’s offer to live in his castle until she can get back on her feet.
Jack AJ 3: Gets Stephanie to agree to let him help her. His father, the king of their country, doesn’t want him to get involved. He decides to try to make Stephanie fall in love with him just to see if he can.
Act 2: Stephanie tries to learn how to be a commoner by doing common things like going shopping.
Stephanie PJ 4: Stephanie lets Jack take her shopping like commoners do. Completely out of her element, Stephanie starts ordering everyone in the store around. She and Jack have to leave in shame.
Deeper layer: Stephanie has no intention of accepting the fact that she’s not a royal.
Jack AJ 4: Jack, who is really comfortable with commoners, sets out to help Stephanie become a commoner while letting her stay at his castle.
Stephanie PJ 5: Stephanie goes with Jack to a local park to interact with commoners. It turns into a media circus and they have to run. She starts to fall prey to Jack’s charms. Stephanie doesn’t want to shake hands with anyone or get too close to them. She treats them like they are below her.
Jack AJ 5: Jack takes Stephanie to a local park to interact with commoners. He is making her laugh and have a good time despite her best efforts to resist his charms.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: After Stephanie is properly exposed to the public, news reporters peg her as a horrible person
Stephanie PJ 6: Stephanie hides out at Jack’s castle.
Jack AJ 6: Jack realizes he actually has feelings for Stephanie and accidently lets it slip out. Jack’s father forbids him from helping Stephanie anymore (although he allows her to continue staying at the castle. He helps Stephanie in secret because being seen with her in public is now a PR nightmare for his own country.
Stephanie PJ 6a: Stephanie sneaks out of the castle one night in a disguise and walks through town. She sees homeless people on the street. She talks to a father who is getting off work from his second job to support his family. She walks by an orphanage and sees all of the children through a window. She talks to a homeless woman and realizes that she is one everyone has been looking for, the rightful princess, but she keeps it to herself.
Deeper layer: Jack’s is deliberately going against his father (who he has a dysfunctional relationship with) to help Stephanie.
Act 3: Stephanie’s eyes are opened to all the suffering in her kingdom and she decides to use her fame to help people. She sets out to help an orphanage.
Stephanie PJ 7: Stephanie contacts the orphanage and invites the press along to bring awareness to the plight of the children and to volunteer her services.
Jack AJ 7: Jack sets out to win Stephanie over for real. He has a beautiful dress sent to her room and has a fancy dinner set up for them. He hires an entire symphony to entertain them.
Turning Point 3: Stephanie gets caught up in all the attention. It becomes painfully obvious to everyone that she was not doing “good” for the right reasons. She’s rejected by everyone, including Jack.
Stephanie PJ 8: Stephanie starts spending more and more time talking to the press and her adoring fans than helping the orphanage. Everyone realizes this and turns on her.
Jack AJ 8: Jack rejects Stephanie after he realizes she was only helping the orphanage to make a good name for herself.
Deeper layer: After the public and Jack’s rejection, Stephanie comes face to face with her true self and must decide if she is going to go on being who she always was or change.
Act 4 Climax: Stephanie swallows her pride and helps the homeless woman who is the real princess.
Stephanie PJ 9: Stephanie seeks out the homeless woman, has her people give her a makeover and a whole new wardrobe and educate her on how to be a royal.
Stephanie PJ 10: Stephanie gives an impassioned speech to her country as her final act as princess and gives over her title to the homeless woman
Jack AJ 9: Jack stands up to his father and decides to go after Stephanie.
Deeper layer: Jack has learned how to stand on his own two feet.
Deeper layer: Stephanie is now a selfless and caring person.
Resolution: Stephanie gets Jack back. She gets a cushy job.
Stephanie PJ 11: The rightful princess appoints Stephanie an ambassador for her country.
Jack AJ 10: Jack is reunited with Stephanie and makes amends with his father. His father steps down so Jack can be king.
Stephanie PJ 12: Stephanie accepts Jack’s proposal.
Jack AJ 11: Jack proposes to Stephanie.
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Renee’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I will work hard to become a well-respected writer who gets my movies produced and has enough work to keep me busy and keep the lights on.
What I learned from doing this assignment is how important it is to make sure that the character’s actions match their profiles. She
Act 1: A girl goes missing in the woods.
1. Ext. Forest – Night
Opening: a father checks on his kids in their tent.
2. Int. Club – Night
Claire partying, taking shots, doing lines.
3. Ext. Forest – Night
A creature rips through the tent and snatches the young girl.
4. Int. Claire’s Home – Day
PJ 1 – Hungover, Claire gets a call about a missing girl. She lies about being sick and unable to go. Her patrol officer reminds her that she doesn’t have a choice.
5. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 1 – Marc talks with the parents of the missing girl. He tells them that the mission is most likely going to be a locate and recover rather than a search and rescue, but that he will do everything he can to try and bring their daughter back alive.
6. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc pulls his three men into the tent to go over his plans to capture the creature alive.
7. Ext. Claire’s House – Day
She packs her Bronco with her search and rescue gear. An old neighbor warns her there is something in the woods. She has second thoughts about going up, but her neighbor gives her an old hunting knife of his.
8. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Inciting Incident: Claire sees her sister and brother-in-law. She finds out the missing girl is her niece. She doesn’t tell her sister the real reason she is up there (community service). Her brother-in-law calls her out for smelling like booze and asks her where the flask is.
PJ 2 – She yells at her sister about putting her niece in danger.
Surface Layer: Claire must find her missing niece before it’s too late.
Deeper Layer – the missing girl is actually her daughter.
9. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 2 – Marc directs the search and rescue team of the mission. The volunteers leave the tent. He pulls his men aside again and reiterates the importance of bringing the creature back alive and goes over the plan again.
Deeper Layer: he wants revenge on the creature that killed his brother.
10. Ext. Base Camp Tent – Day
PJ 3 – Claire steps out of the tent and sees her former best friend, Lexi. She tentatively approaches her. She lies to Lexi about why she hasn’t been in contact with her for years. Lexi knows she’s lying but is willing to forgive Claire.
11. Ext. Mountain Trail – Day
The search and rescue team spreads out in pairs. They call out to Maddie as the walk up the trail toward the family’s campsite. Lexi and Claire talk about the past. The find the first traces of the creature. They think it is a grizzly bear.
12. Ext. Family Camp Site – Day
The team reaches the camp site. The tent Maddie was in has large claw marks down the side. Claire approaches Adam and asks him if he thinks her daughter is alive. He tells her there is always hope. They discover which way the creature went.
13. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire is starting to have withdraws. She separates from Lexi and pulls out her flask. She takes a long drink. Adam comes up on her and warns her to stay with her partner.
14. Ext. Forest – Day
Scott and Paul are going over the plan. Adam is starting to have his doubts about what they are going, but stays the course because he is loyal to Marc.
15. Ext. Forest – Day
Turning Point 1: Paul wanders from the path and is taken by the creature. The rest of the team search the area for him.
PJ 4 – Claire is scared and wants to go back, she doesn’t think she can handle it if she finds her daughters mangled corpse.
Act 2: More volunteers get taken by the creature while they are searching for the girl.
16. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
AJ 3 – Marc hears from Scott that Paul has gone missing. He goes on a tirade, destroying everything in the tent. He pulls out the map and radios Adam, telling him he better not fail the mission, like he did in Iraq. He tells him that they are not to come back down until they have found the creature.
17. Ext. Base Camp – Day
AJ 4 – Marc approaches Maddie’s parents and tells them that one of the volunteers has gone missing, but assures them that the rest of the group will continue to search for their daughter and won’t come back until they find her.
Deeper Layer: he will bring the creature back alive even if it means the girl must die.
18. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam informs the rest of the group that they will need to make camp for the night. There are lots of protests, but eventually they make camp.
19. Ext. Forest – Night
Claire slips out of the camp site to drink. Lexi finds her and brings her back to the camp.
20. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire sits alone, away from the fire and the rest of the group. Adam comes over and sits down with her. The sit in silence for a while, then Adam starts asking her questions. She starts to give him some truths and some lies.
PJ 6 – Claire opens up about her past and giving up a daughter for adoption.
21. Int. Tent – Night
Claire lies down and tries to go to sleep, but she tosses and turns because she is worried about her daughter and racked with guilt.
22. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Adam sits next to the fire, keeping an eye on things. Scott and another volunteer patrol the surrounding area. One of them screams. Adam is on high alert. Claire and the rest of the group emerge from their tents. Scott stumbles into the campsite, bloodied, babbling on about a creature taking Jacob. Adam directs the rescuers to pair up and search the perimeter of the camp site to find Jacob.
23. Ext. Forest – Night
Two team members are calling out for Jacob. The come across is mangled body. They turn back toward the camp site. The creature grabs one and drags him screaming in to the woods.
24. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Scott is in horrific pain. Claire comes over and gives her flask to him. He takes a long drink and hands it back. There are more screams in the woods. Only one of the volunteers returns to the camp.
25. Ext. Camp Site – Night
The team wants to go back down the mountain. Claire is torn between staying and going. She convinces them that the best way to get out alive is to continue forward together.
PJ 5 – After more rescuers go missing, Claire must convince the remaining to continue on.
26. Int. Tent – Night
Claire is patching Scott up. He is delirious. He lets slip that they are bringing the creature back alive. This doesn’t sit well with Claire.
PJ 7 – When one of the antagonists men gets seriously injured, she still helps him.
27. Ext. Camp Site – Night
Claire confronts Adam. He admits that was the plan when they started out, but now he wants to help her find her daughter.
Turning Point 2: It’s revealed that they are to take the creature alive, even if it means letting the missing girl die.
Act 3: Claire goes on by herself.
28. Ext. Camp Site – Day
While Adam is attending Scott and developing a plan to get him down the hill, Claire packs up her stuff and sneaks out of camp.
PJ 8 – Claire doesn’t trust Adam has her best interests at heart and decides to go out on her own.
29. Ext. Camp Site – Later
Adam is getting things packed. Scott is lying on a stretcher. Adam asks if anyone has seen Claire. No one has. He tells Lexi and the other two remaining volunteers to get Scott down the mountain. He’s going after Claire.
30. Ext. Base Camp – Day
Marc sees volunteers dragging Scott down the hill on a stretcher. The parents are hysterical. Marc becomes angry and orders them to take Scott into the tent rather then calling in the medics.
AJ 5 – When the injured man makes it back to camp with Lexi, he decides he will have to capture the creature on his own.31. Int. Base Camp Tent – Day
Marc berates Scott and demands he tell him where they were headed. He tries to make contact with Adam. When he can’t reach him he makes plans to go back up the mountain himself.
32. Ext. Base Camp – Day
The girls parents approach him demanding answers. He tells them their daughter is probably dead, making it easier to bring the creature back alive.
33. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Adam takes inventory and heads into the forest after Claire.
34. Ext. Forest – Day
Claire stumbles into an opening. She spots a cave. She scopes it out for any movement.
35. Ext. Camp Site – Day
Marc reaches the campsite and figures out which way Claire went. He disappears into the trees.
36. Int. Cave – Day
Claire cautiously enters the cave and looks around. She sees a mass huddled in the corner. It’s her daughter. A large shadow covers the cave entrance. Claire hides. The creature comes in, dragging Adam behind him. It tosses him into the corner with her daughter.
Turning Point 3: Claire finds her daughter, hurt and scared in the creature’s cave. Before she can rescue her Mark shows up.
37. Int. Cave – Day
Claire watches as the creature leaves the cave.
38. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc has found the cave. He watches as the creature leaves the cave. He creeps up to the cave entrance.
39. Int. Cave – Day
She runs to her daughter to see if she’s alive. She stirs. Claire checks on Adam. He’s also alive but bleeding badly.
40. Ext. Cave – Day
Marc enters the cave.
41. Int. Cave – Day
Claire is kneeling next to her daughter, trying to wake her up. She hears Marc. She turns. He is pointing a gun at her. She looks around for a weapon of some kind.
PJ 9 – Claire stands in the way of Mark getting to the creature.
AJ 6 – he threatens to kill them both.
Major Reveal: Claire reveals the girl is her daughter. Mark reveals the creature killed his brother.
Act 4: Claire must kill the creature and Mark to save her daughter.
42. Int. Cave – Day
PJ 10 – Claire sees a way out, but can’t do anything when Marc has a gun on her. She gets him talking to try and distract him. Marc doesn’t notice Adam is awake, but Claire does. Adam gets up and lunges at Marc, who swings the gun toward Adam and fires. Adam falls to the ground, knocking Marc down with him. The gun flies out of his hands. Claire picks it up and points it at Marc. Marc gets up and rushes at Claire. She fires the gun, hitting him in the chest. He falls to the ground and dies. Claire drops the gun and runs to Adam. He is hit, but will survive. Claire is going to go outside to find something for Adam to use. She takes the gun with her.
Climax: Claire fights Mark and kills him.
43. Ext. Cave – Day
Claire steps outside and sighs in relief. A large shadow falls across her. The creature has returned. Claire must now fight the creature. She tries to aim the gun but it knocks her down, the gun flies. She scrambles back. She hits the side of the mountain and climbs up. The creature follows her.
44. Ext. Hill – Day
Claire scrambles up the hill. The creature close on her heels. She reaches the top.
45. Ext. Cliff – Day
Claire scrambles onto the cliff top and finds a large branch. She picks it up and moves to the edge of the cliff. The creature lumbers onto the cliff and advances. Claire swings the branch and connects. Making the creature mad. It charges her. She side steps at the last minute and swings the branch, forcing the creature over the edge.
46. Int. Cave – Day
Claire runs into the cave and finds Adam holding her daughter in his lap. She kneels down and takes her in her arms. Her daughter is bruised and bloodied, but alright. Marc has a broken leg. Claire helps him wrap it and finds a branch to help him walk. The three limp out of the cave.
47. Ext. Base Camp – Night
Claire, Maddie, and Adam emerge from the woods. Maddie’s parents run and embrace their daughter. Claire stands back from her sister, unsure if she is wanted. Her sister gets up and gives her a big hug and thanks her. She then introduces Claire to Maddie as her mom.
Resolution: Claire and her daughter make it down the mountain. Mark’s body is brought down from the mountain.
PJ 11 – she reconciles with her sister.
48. Int. Claire’s Home – Night
Claire, her daughter, sister, and brother-in-law and Adam gather around the table. The eat and laugh. The TV is on in the background. A breaking news story comes on about how Bigfoot was found.
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My vision is to become a stronger writer.
What I learned: That actions speak louder than words.
Module 4/5
Fade In
EXT. JUNGLE – DAY
The film opens with panning a herd of African zebras browsing, unaware a lion and his mate crouch in the underbrush for a surprise attack.
Grunting wildebeests hunker near a dwindling slough of water. In the distance, a cackle of hyenas nervously pace back and forth as hunger drives their motivation toward their next kill.
Antagonist: Mortimer, a huge African wolf, scarred and alone, has hunted for three days and three nights and not taken any prey within that time.
A loud outburst startles a flock of birds flushed from their roosts. A mortal battle explodes beneath their branches.
AJ. –MORTIMER, an afflicted one-eared, half blind, African wolf, (the criminal) is attacked by a mad dog. Even in his weakened state, Mortimer manages to kill the dog, but refuses to sample its smelly, disease-riddled carcass.
EXT. DEN – DAY
PJ- A day later, Mortimer scours the brush for game, famished, half sick. He hears the mewling of young cubs. He spies IVY, a hyena mother, as she leaves to hunt; then, attacks her den.
INT. DEN – DAY
Action: Mortimer’s paws tunnel slowly into the den’s opening. He pants, then stops digging momentarily, trying to catch his breath. The mewling from the cubs have ceased, and he strains his ears, listening.
Action: Mortimer slings dirt and debris on top of a growing pile. The pads of his feet bleed from the sharp stones. His tongue drips saliva, as he stretches his front paw into the den as far as he can reach.
PJ- The youngest hyena, SHADOW, (the underdog) howls when Mortimer grapples him, half-dragging Shadow across the gritty floor of his den—then loses him and grabs him again. Shadow howls in fear. He rolls beneath Mortimer’s grasp. Mortimer groans, as he repeatedly feels for the cub, but accidentally collects his sister, SURUS, (the victim) instead.
AJ- Shadow trembles, listens intently, but doesn’t know SILLA, (the competitor), the clan’s matriarch, has attacked Mortimer and intercepted Surus, (the victim) during the fray. She put the chase on Mortimer and steals Surus as her own cub.
Ivy returns and discovers what’s remains of her den. She searches high and low, calling for Surus. (Emotional moment.)
In despair, she moves her remaining cubs to the communal den, where, as time goes on, Hilly, Silla’s offspring, bullies her and her cubs almost daily.
Inciting Incident – PJ-Shadow (underdog/victim-) is ousted from the clan in retribution of him standing up to Silla’s offspring, HILLY, (saboteur) who at the time, is attacking Shadow’s mom.
He circles the perimeter and tries to sneak back in, but Silla’s guards beat him to an inch of his life.
PJ- Turning Point: Shadow re-digs the den of his birth outside the communal dens. He survives as a dejected, grub eater.
He howls to the heavens his will to survive, to get even with Hilly, (the saboteur) and to kill Mortimer. He dreams about suceeding and wakens so excited he cannot go back to sleep. (Emotional moment)
Silly demands that Surus, (whose name has been changed,) keeps the lower- class hyenas in subjection.
Surus goes after Ivy. Ivy recognizes her scent and notices the star shaped spot on her shoulder. She tries to tell her she is her mom.
Surus is insulted. She slices her mom’s nose and leaves her bruised and sad. Ivy grieves over the loss of her cub. (emotional moments.)
.ACT 2:
PJ- The clan howler announces the opening of the Olympic Hyena Howling contest where the winner wins the award of entering a large clan for safety/protection.
Shadow’s determined to win, but gets beat for practicing. He’s terrible. Others attack to put him out of his misery.
Twist–PJ-Shadow follows the clan as they go on a hunt. Silla leads the hunt with Hilly, but Shadow does a double take when he sees another dominant hyena who looks just like his mom. How can this be?
She seems a stronger leader than Hilly, but younger. Who is she? (Surus) He circles around and examines her through a bush. She cantors like Ivy.
AJ- Time passes, Hilly, Silla’s offspring, becomes jealous of Surus. Hilly spills the beans about her being a cub that Silla has stolen. Silly denies it. (subtext)
Hilly tells Surus who she really is, which backs up what Ivy has told her. Surus faces Hilly and she admits it’s true. She is not Surus’ mom.
Turning Point: Surus connects with Ivy and they track down/ connect with Brimsley. They search for Shadow, to create a plan about leaving.
They find Shadow attending the competition. He loses the contest. His brother, Brimsley, howls a Pavarotti Aria and wins. He shuns Shadow. Shadow leaves downcast, lost in his misery.
Some hyenas call him names and make fun of his appearance as most hyenas are groomed and preened for the event. Shadow backs off to avoid confrontation.
When the competition takes place, Shadow is jeered and he loses. He slinks away and lives up to his nickname–coward. His brother, Brimsley, howls a Pavarotti Aria and wins. Surus and Ivy, fill in Brimsley who Surus is. They catch up with Shadow and make amends.
Shadow works on improving himself to be more like Brimsley. -Bathes more, practices howling, polishes hunting skills, fails in another hunt, but also fails to be himself.
ACT THREE:
PJ-Shadow follows the scent trail of his old clan to a Maasai village where hyena’s serve as undertakers to the dead. He blends inside shadows and foliage and manages to steal a human thigh bone.
AJ- Mortimer shows up and goes on a killing spree. Mortimer attacks a young Maasai mother with her new infant outside the village.
PJ-Shadow recognizes the face of his sister’s killer—the missing ear, the cavernous eye, the scar. Shadow flashes back to being a cub again. He freezes.
Shadow weeps over his own ineptness/ (Emotional moment.) He mourns their loss. He’s a failure. Their deaths prove it.
He follows the Maasai warriors as they hunt Mortimer. He is waiting for them. Mortimer kills two warriors as he escapes into the night.
PJ- Shadow staggers, shaken to the core, (emotional moment) but he follows his old clan back to their den, disappointed in his actions. When he views Mortimer carnage, he is convinced he can never survive if he tries to attack Mortimer.
ACT FOUR:
PJ–Shadow trots over a path, heavy with hyena scent where ahead on the trail, Silla drags a zebra into the brush.
A feeding frenzy, loud with cackles and growls, result in dinner ending in minutes. Silla and Hilly exit the corpse.
AJ- A free-for-all takes place, as the remaining hyena’s battle for scraps. Vultures add to the mayhem.
PJ— (The underdog,) Shadow, takes a side trail up the hill and searches for his mom.
PJ-–He hears her howling and recognizes her frenzied pleas for help. He scrambles to her aid.
AJ-–Mortimer, (the criminal) has Ivy by her hindquarters. She is alone fighting the rabid wolf.
PJ—Shadow, forgets his fear and attacks. Mortimer drops her as Shadow goes for the wolf’s throat. He hangs on.
The attack is so loud, a lion startles in the early morning dusk. Zebras rise to their feet and scatter.
PJ- –Shadow kills Mortimer. Surus, and Brimsley show up after the battle. Mortimer has killed Ivy. The news spreads near and far about the great predator, Shadow—the so -called coward, that has killed the savage beast, Mortimer.
PJ- Together, they mourn the death of their mother. Shadow hobbles with his sibling’s protection to their early den but he’s ecstatic over finding his sister. They bond and become family.
PJ— A few days later, Shadow’s family wait for him inside the clan’s perimeters, while Shadow taunts Silla. She backs off, hesitant over the rumors of Shadow’s prowess. Silla’s guards attack Shadow.
PJ- Shadow counter attacks and leaves them in the dust. He calls Silla a coward. No one contests him from his old clan ever again.
AJ- From a distance, Silla mourns, as Surus joins her new clan. She has lost Surus forever.
– Brimsley and Surus, leave with Shadow. They form a new clan.
RESOLUTION:
Surus, the new matriarch, takes the lead as they trot away from the only home they have ever known.
Deeper reveal: Not one family member looks back, not even Surus. Shadow finally has roots. He belongs, and no one ever doubts his courage or ability to survive alone ever again…
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My genre is: Adventure, drama, animation.
CONVENTIONS OF DRAMA PURPOSE:
To explore stories with emotional and interpersonal high stakes for their characters.
CHARACTER-DRIVEN JOURNEY: We always need to care about the characters in a Drama, and their internal journey drives the film’s events and progression.
HIGH STAKES COME FROM WITHIN: Whether the story’s events are relatively mundane or intense, the struggles, obstacles, and stakes come from within the characters more than external pressures.
EMOTIONALLY RESONATES: Drama audiences want to feel and be moved by the characters’ emotions and how they experience the events.
CHALLENGING, EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED SITUATIONS: Characters get challenged to their core by the emotional situations and struggles that they run into. REAL-LIFE SITUATIONS: Drama stories are grounded in reality.
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Bice-Stephens’ Character Action Tracks!
2022 is my year to break through!
What I learned: Action is a delicate balance that carries a lot of the movie message.
Baby Dearest Outline
Log line-How do you let go of something you’ve never had?
Concept-A deranged young woman kidnaps her way to motherhood to manipulate the ex who rejected her.
Surface Layer-Brandy and Alex are desperate to have their own families—Brandy because she lost hers and Alex because he never believed he had a real one.
Deeper Layer-Brandy and Alex are total opposites with the same goal.
Opening-Brandy wants a husband and baby. She is angry to the point of madness–takes a knife and slashes smiles off the pictures of couples she taped on her walls. Writes madly all night. When morning comes, there are wads of paper covering the floor and the walls are a wreck. She goes out trolling for a partner and runs into Alex.
Beginning-Alex crosses paths with Brandy, a person he barely remembers from high school. He’s busy studying for law school. She acts like they were great friends, flirts with him, gives him her number, and wants him to call her. He brushes her off, gets right back to the books.
Beginning-Brandy is very excited to see a former upperclassman, Alex, whom everyone idolized, and she had a massive crush on. The timing is perfect—she’s looking for a guy to reel in. Suddenly she has a cheerful, bubbly personality and she uses it to entice Alex.
New Plan-The stalking begins. Brandy isn’t going to let Alex out of her latches. It’s on! She cuts his pictures out of her well-bookmarked yearbook (every page he was on), and while putting the book away she finds news clippings from her mother’s death. Her father murdered her mother to get the insurance money and Brandy found her body when she was 15. Her mother is buried in Detroit, but Brandy never accepts her demise. Brandy’s father remains in prison for life without parole. At least Brandy got the huge insurance payout.
Inciting Incident- Alex breaks up with his long-time girlfriend. He goes out just trying to have a good time, gets drunk and ends up spending a night with Brandy. He passed out and doesn’t even remember having sex.
Inciting Incident-Brandy can’t believe she actually has the most popular guy in school in her bed! What a catch!
Inciting Incident-Brandy takes pictures of Alex while he’s sleeping nude. She’s going to savor every minute of this moment. Her manipulative mind knows photos may come in handy if she needs leverage.
Turning Point 1- Alex and his girlfriend find out they’re pregnant. They get back together and he blocks all contact with Brandy.
Turning Point 1-Brandy is furious when Alex blocks her and she can’t reach him. She can’t cope with it and has a major fit.
Turning Point 1-Brandy refuses to let Alex ditch her for another woman, at any cost. She starts plotting revenge and a plan to hook him.
Act 2- Alex starts building a great life with his girlfriend. They plan their wedding. He’s so happy he’s going to have a “real” family like he always wanted.
Act 2-Brandy is going to get even with Alex for dumping her. She just lost her chance to get a new family to replace the one she lost.
Act 2-New Plan-Brandy connives a way to replace Alex’s girlfriend. Otherwise, she may need to get rid of her completely.
Turning Point 2/Midpoint- Alex learns Brandy just had a baby boy and told his BFF he’s the only possible father. When his girlfriend accidently discovers this, she takes their new baby girl and goes back to her parents.
Turning Point 2/Midpoint-Brandy has been wearing progressively larger pregnancy pillows all winter to match Alex’s girlfriend’s growth month-by-month, as stalked on social media. To fulfill her fantasy, she kidnaps a baby in the spring, right after Alex’s baby daughter is born.
Turning Point 2/Midpoint-The kidnapped infant is a girl, so Brandy disguises her as a boy. She lightens the baby’s hair with bleach to match Alex’s baby picture so he will think the baby is his. Brandy displays no conscience as she reads news headlines about the kidnapping and reward. She is delighted when her old, very Catholic neighbor lady dubs the little one “Baby Dearest” and gives him (her) a beautiful pastel blue rosary to hang in the nursery.
Act 3-Alex starts to visit his son at Brandy’s, like a dutiful father should. The baby doesn’t look a thing like him, and his heart’s not in it. Brandy keeps trying unsuccessfully to seduce him. Alex passes out twice when he visits Brandy’s apartment, but he doesn’t know why. His once happy life has turned to shit.
Act 3-Brandy tries desperately to manipulate Alex into being with her and the baby. He wants only his real girlfriend and baby daughter, which infuriates Brandy. She wants Alex to forget about them. Brandy keeps drugging Alex, increasing the dose. If she can’t have him, she’s not going to let anyone else have him either.
Act 3-Rethink everything-Brandy is totally, batshit, certifiably crazy. There’s no way to predict what she will do next. Her motus operandum is “Til death us do part”-on steroids!
New Plan-Brandy increases her drug supply and studies up on how to raise drug levels from sedation to lethal overdose. Brandy is going to do whatever it takes so that pesky girlfriend doesn’t keep Alex any longer.
Turning Point 3-Baby Dearest gets very sick, poisoned from his (her) skin absorbing the hypochlorite in bleach that Brandy has been using to lighten the baby’s hair. Alex goes with Brandy to take the baby to the ER and is very surprised when Brandy struggles to remember where he was born. She also stumbles when the nurse asks his birth date and weight.
Turning Point 3-Brandy realizes she’s about to get arrested for kidnapping. She says she needs to catch a quick cigarette outside and quickly dumps Alex and their baby at the ER. When the diaper comes off, the medical team soon surmise Jack is actually the kidnapped infant girl everyone’s been looking for.
Turning Point-Brandy has to disappear fast. She rushes to her apartment to grab a few things, including the little cradles in the closet. They are revealed to be embryos in little Mason jars, Mason and Macy. She’s been mothering them with love.
Act 4/Climax-The authorities soon locate Alex. He is arrested for kidnapping, attempted murder from poisoning the baby, and breaking into Brandy’s apartment to confront her.
Act 4/Climax-Brandy acts totally sane and innocent and lies her way out of everything. She makes Alex take the whole fall so the police haul him away.
Act 4-Climax- Brandy destroys evidence of any crime, including the kidnapping headlines which she burns in the sink. She does grab her mother’s obituary on the way out.
Resolution-Alex sits helplessly in jail. An unknown lady lawyer comes to help him. It’s his biological mother. She reveals she was forced to give him up when she was a young clerk and became pregnant by a powerful judge, Alex’s biological and adoptive father. Both of his adoptive parents are deceased, so it’s finally safe for her to come forward.
Resolution-Brandy gets on a plane, heads to Detroit to see her mother. She does not acknowledge her death and can’t wait for her to meet Mason and Macy. Brandy starts flirting with the guy seated next to her. She has met her next victim.
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MODULE FOUR LESSON FIVE
FRAN’S CHARACTER ACTIONS
WHAT I LEARNED: Just trying to learn what it takes to outline a story, give it beats, etc. I’ve always been a “pantser.” I’m out of my element, but I find that it does give me more clarity in my story with every pass I do make. And I am learning to outline a lot better. And I a learning nothing is set in stone until it’s on film!
MY VISION: I want to write great movies. Movies that are magical, movies that move people and tell the truth. I want to write movies that stars will want to be in.
MEREDITH’S ACTIONS
Plays the humble, dutiful wife second to her husband
She buys the book Jerome says no to behind his back
She calls her agent/manager looking for a new job, partnership
She takes the job
She quits her partnership with Jerome
She talks with her daughter over her predicament/woes
She asks for a divorce
She takes the lead in the litigation against her husband and paramour acrimonious
She goes all out researching/interviewing for her new story/script
She partners up with her old flame
She takes a boat ride on a yacht to get the feel, a ride in a troika
Meredith confronts Jerome’s paramour/starlet
She wins the Oscar, on stage she forgives Jerome, behind the scenes she tells him never to darken her doorstep again.
JEROME
Plays the Big Man on Campus, big shot,
Buys a very expensive gift for their daughter
He argues with Meredith. He instigates the arguments.
He humiliates her on the set, in front of their crew
He throws tantrums
He fires Meredtih
Jerome tries to sabotage Meredith’s work, relationship with new partner/old flame
He’s jealous of the old flame—his old nemesis (Meredith’s new business partner)
Jerome tries to win Meredith back
Jerome leaves, his tail between his legs.
OLGA
She loves the necklace her father gives her.
She’s the belle of the ball
She tries to be an independent young woman. She tells everyone if Alexei doesn’t make it she can become the Czar (Czarina) in his stead) She doesn’t like being told she cannot because of the old laws. No woman can be Czar. She fights that tooth and nail
She argues with her Mother over Rasputin and then her mother’s banishment of Dmitri I
When they are taken hostage, she becomes a nurse to care for the wounded soldiers. She’s not a great nurse and gets into trouble for complaining throwing fits there. She is assigned to a desk until after a battle there are many wounded soldiers and she is assigned to care for some of them again.
She falls in love with Dmitri II and writes him love letters that he uses against her with his sordid friends.
She bravely stands up to her captors when the Bolsheviks take them away to be assassinated before she is murdered.
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Dave Holloway’s character action tracks
My vision: I would like to be a successful writer in Hollywood, with a number of successful movies to my credit that put forward a core belief about environmental, political, or personal development.
What I learned from this assignment is that action can be stronger, more demonstrative of character and more memorable than dialogue, which I rely on too much.
Nigel Williamson
After first act inciting incident, he calls Shiloh prison on SKYPE and tries to get information about his wife from them and makes argument for her release. He gets stonewalled and explodes, telling Shiloh rep. that he’s trying to get “you Nazi bastards” to release her.
After receiving a communication from Livia that she could be executed in a short time, he tries sending a message back, but receives no response.
After being shot in the gun battle at the Native state, he tells Roger he doesn’t want medical attention, which will delay their arrival at Shiloh.
When they reach Shiloh, Nigel remarks that it’s so dominated by military force and technology that persuasion, logic and truth will not possibly dissuade the state from its decisions.
Once inside Shiloh, Nigel stops a car on the road, threatens its driver with a gun and tells him he must get out of the car or lose his life. The driver does so.
When they reach the capital, Nigel tells Amelia to split off from them so she won’t be arrested if they’re taken into custody. He suggests to Roger they sleep in a public park, since they’re names might’ve been circulated throughout the state and they can’t give them to register at a hotel.
After Nigel purposely gets arrested, he’s brought before Trask. He manipulates Trask into taking him onto an overhead bridge between two buildings, where he fights him and throws him over the side to his death.
Nigel dresses in the uniform of a Shiloh maintenance worker that June has given him, enabling him to walk out of the prison without being stopped.
Roger Darby
As they’re flying across Independence, Amelia has to land to refuel the helicopter. Some outlaws approach them, and Roger fires on them to keep them away, allowing them to take off in the helicopter. Even when they’re in the air, Roger and Nigel fire at them to discourage the outlaws’ firing.
When they fly over the western coastline of Shiloh, Roger holds his rifle and surveys the ground, alert to anyone firing at them.
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Alan’s Character Action Tracks
My Vision:
I do whatever it takes for me to be a true wordsmith that spins wildly original and entertaining screenplays that are passionately sought out by top industry professionals who turn them into critically and publicly acclaimed major motion pictures distributed by the top studios in Hollywood, all while writing from wherever I may be leisurely traveling the world at the moment.
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What I learned: This was a great process to insure that I’m keeping each of my main characters unique and in character. It has helped me find their voices as well. I also did the process with my key supporting characters. I figured it couldn’t hurt.
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Title: Ninja Burgers
Genre: Action/Comedy
Concept: A down on his luck, nineteen-year-old fast food employee finds a high tech bracelet that turns him into the world’s deadliest super soldier.
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WORKING OUTLINE
Main Conflict: Tiberius has a high tech bracelet fused to his wrist that makes him a super soldier, the bad guys who stole it want it back and will kill him and anyone else who gets in their way to get it.
Key:
PJ = Protagonist Journey
AJ = Antagonist Journey
Before Story Starts:
AJ 1: Crypto is a brilliant engineer who designs weapons systems for various governments.
AJ 2: He is approached by EWD Consolidated Technologies (the secretly evil organization recruiting great minds in their bid to eventually take over the world) and quickly rises through the ranks to become senior management and in charge of the tech acquisitions branch.
AJ 3: He finds out what his real job is (to acquire the technology necessary to raise an army of super soldiers/AI bots to eventually take over the country and then the world) and realizes he is trapped and must project strength and ruthlessness or face death.
Genre: Action/Comedy
Act 1 – Tiberius Finds Something Shiny in the Trash – [The Orphan]
Opening:
PJ 1: Tiberius Truman (19) is late for work. Quickly drops off his sick father’s (Harry Truman) lunch and meds with a promise to bring him dinner and find a way to get his needed med refills that they can’t afford.
He rushes out the door to his bike. Takes off.
ACTION SET PIECE: We see him riding his bike to work…poorly. He can’t do jumps, falls off the bike, is chased by dogs and is hit by a bus.
Once at work: he’s bullied by his boss, displays a lack of confidence at every turn, and shows that he’s a weak “yes, man” to all those around him. He’s depressed, but has a good heart.
He takes out the trash to the dumpster and is kind to a homeless man that lives behind the restaurant. Gives him some food. Homeless guy asks him why he doesn’t stand up for himself. ‘It’s just easier to go along. I don’t want any trouble.’
We meet his best friend Hannibal Byrd. He wants to be YouTube/PodCast famous and needs Tiberius to be his camera and sound guy. Tiberius goes along but his heart isn’t in it.
AJ 4: An evil henchman visits the restaurant. This is Shadow. He orders and sits in a booth to eat. Sets a case on his tray. Plays with his phone, chuckling at Tic Tocs as he eats.
Tiberius is bullied by a member of the group saying maybe they should cut him out of the You Tube group. He never comes up with any ideas, is always a downer etc. Hannibal defends him. Tiberius is bullied into mentioning to his best friend that his life goal is to either open his own fast food restaurant or to be a ninja. This gets him a load of shit from the others. Hannibal reminds him that he will never be a ninja and that it would be cultural appropriation anyway. They check that with another employee, Gary Huang but Gary doesn’t give a shit and isn’t bothered by him wanting to be a ninja. Tiberius takes this as justification for his dream and then Hannibal reminds him that Gary is Chinese not Japanese so why would it bother him.
Shadow finishes his meal. Sips his huge drink. Laughs at Tic Tocs. Tiberius offers to take his tray with the trash on it. Henchman nods and waves him off. He forgets that the case containing the bracelet is on the tray. Tiberius tosses the trash as his boss yells at him to do the freezer floor. Shadow leaves the restaurant, still locked in on his phone.
AJ 5: With his job/life on the line, Crypto’s henchman Shadow loses the high tech super soldier bracelet he promised to the EWD Consolidated Technologies executive board.
Deeper Layer: the evil henchman Shadow is the man Tiberius will ultimately kill in the final confrontation. Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.
Inciting Incident:
It’s later, Tiberius on his hands and knees in the freezer, scraping ice off the floor, freezing, but he says nothing about it. Boss pokes his head in, orders him to take out the trash and go home. No overtime!
Tiberius gathers the trash in the kitchen and subtly pockets several burgers and a couple apple pies, then heads out with the trash saying goodnight.
PJ 2: As he tosses the trash bag into the dumpster, the bag tears and all of its contents spill out to the ground. Old homeless guy offers to help clean up. Tiberius spies amongst the refuse a small case. He finds an awesome looking metallic bracelet inside. He and the homeless guy discuss how much he could get for it? Should he take it into the lost and found? This could pay for his dad’s meds if he gets enough for it. They decide they should try to sell it. Tiberius offers it to the homeless guy but he refuses it. Tiberius slips the bracelet on and it painfully fuses to his wrist. This freaks both of them out.
Deeper Layer: The bracelet is a piece of future high tech that turns him into a super soldier.
Deeper Layer Hint: ACTION SET PIECE: On the bike ride home mysterious abilities show up. He can make the jump he missed on the way to work. He avoids the bus with some true BMX style riding. He does a bunny hop over a car that almost hits him. And he flat out outruns a dog chasing him.
When he gets home he’s both shocked and completely gassed. Although he has new skills, he’s still woefully out of shape. He pukes on his front lawn.
He goes in to give his dad the dinner of stolen burgers and apple pies and says he may have a way to get some money for his meds. Not to worry. Dad says mom would have been proud of him, maybe?
AJ ?: We see Crypto giving Shadow hell for losing the bracelet, maybe he’s at home in his study chewing out a hologram of Shadow. Busts up his office, tries to hit the hologram with a fireplace poker etc. Then has to assure his wife Clarissa that all is okay. Deeper Layer : We see Crypto has a loving wife that he cares deeply for and that his job is killing him. He takes pills and glances at a photo of a tropical island with a hammock stretched between two palm trees.
Turning Point:
Tiberius meets up with Hannibal to do a YouTube video. Again, Tiberius goes along with his friends wild plans of stardom (we need to prove to the group that you’re into this! You want to be rich and famous, don’t you? Hannibal has the camera on Tiberius) so he doesn’t hurt his feelings or discourage him. “Do you have to go to college to open a business?”
PJ 6: ACTION SET PIECE: From out of nowhere black SUVs pull up, men in black jump out, throw a hood over Tiberius’ head, zip tie his hands, inject him with something that knocks him out after he busts the first set of ties, (it’s a vicious struggle) but eventually they subdue Tiberius and toss him into the truck, snatch Hannibal’s phone (he was filming everything) etc away. The trucks pull away leaving Hannibal stunned.
Deeper Layer Hint: Untrained Tiberius was tough to subdue!
They pull off his hood. Tiberius finds himself in a cement room with one iron, vault-like door and no windows. Cameras in all four corners protected behind small iron cages. He is iron shackled to a thick steel chair that is bolted to the floor at the arms, wrists, neck, waist, thighs, calves, and ankles. He has an IV in his arm. Seems a bit woozy but fully conscious.
Addison Grant watches a video of the abduction and shakes her head. “Why didn’t you trank him from a distance?” “He’s just a doughy kid. We didn’t think…” “No, you didn’t, did you? The SUV body work is coming out of your paycheck.” Addison is in charge. Boss Bitch. She goes in and talks to Tiberius. She explains what he has on his wrist and makes him an offer he can’t refuse, join their experimental team of human test subjects, or they can amputate his arm and take the bracelet.
Tiberius asks about who will take care of his father. “Jesus will he even notice you’re gone?” “Yes. He needs his meds, too.” Addison rolls her eyes. “Establish a cover for him. Get a detail to cover the father.”
Deeper Layer Reveal: Addison Grant shows up and makes the offer to Tiberius to join the test subject group or lose his arm.
Deeper Layer: Addison Grant wants out of her terrible life and will do anything to achieve this dream. She will provide the future tech bracelet to the bad guys in order for a huge payment and a new identity.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison is incredibly unhappy that Tiberius has the bracelet. Not excited at all that he managed to retrieve the missing item.
Act II – Tiberius: The Fish Out of Water – [The Wanderer]
New Plan:
PJ 7: Tiberius decides to become a human test subject and keep his arm. The plan is to find out what is really going on with this bracelet, and survive the experiments.
He is given the code name Custer.
Plan in Action:
PJ 8: Tiberius is a true fish out of water amongst the perfect human specimens who have volunteered to become super soldiers. He is unable to keep up…the old ways on display again. All kinds of super soldier training set pieces here.
Father detail arrival scene. Maybe a men in black detail? That could be funny. “Who’s going to clean the house? Am I supposed to live in a pig stye you heartless assholes? Shots of MIB washing dishes, vacuuming, scrubbing toilets.
Tiberius hooks up with Super Soldier test subject Washington.
Shadow sneaks into the training facility.
Deeper Layer Hint: Shadow knows the code to enter the facility. Addison sends the group into the location that gets them all killed.
Deeper Layer: Tiberius only misses out on getting killed because he was zonked out after sex with Washington.
AJ 6: (Not Scene) After finding the bracelet he agrees to bring “Good Guy Leader” into the group, to disappear him to Japan so he can retire comfortably if she will wipe out the group of test subjects and bring him the prototype bracelets.
Midpoint Turning Point:
PJ 9: The entire team is wiped out by Crypto’s henchmen in a massive explosion. Tiberius is able to escape thanks to some new skills but just barely.
Deeper Layer: Addison, after making a new deal with Crypto facilitates Shadow’s infiltration and sabotage of the test subjects.
Act III – Tiberius Grows a Pair – [The Warrior]
Rethink Everything:
PJ 10: After the shock of losing the team he had begun to bond with, Tiberius realizes the old ways won’t work anymore. The leader of the ‘good guys’ meets up with him. Tiberius vows to avenge his class of fallen super soldiers and wipe out Crypto and his organization..
Deeper Layer: Tiberius doesn’t know Addison is working for the bad guys…neither does the audience.
Deeper Layer Hint: Addison discourages Tiberius from going on his mission of revenge.
New Plan:
PJ 11: Tiberius goes to his best friend Hannibal for help. He should use his closest friend in some way to help him. This needs to be set up in Act I.
Together they come up with a plan to infiltrate and destroy Crypto’s evil headquarters.
Build in stealth type set pieces here. Also, make him have to perform some task that was a major challenge/failure for him during the training process.
Turning Point:
PJ 12 – AJ 7: Huge failure / Major shift: Tiberius is captured and set for execution. Along with his best friend, maybe? Crypto will have his super soldier bracelet and be able to create his army.
Deeper Layer Reveal: And… the ‘good guy’ leader Addison stands at Crypto’s side and was behind the death of the entire team! Tiberius just survived by dumb luck. It turns out that ‘good guy’ Addison was the supplier of the tech to the henchman Shadow who then lost the bracelet at the fast food restaurant!
Act IV – Tiberius Burns Down the House – [The Martyr]
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict:
PJ 13: Tiberius embraces the new way. He finds a way to defeat Crypto’s henchman Shadow and save his buddy. He kills ‘good guy’, recovers the prototypes (one by hacking off Shadow’s hand) (Shadow will be wearing a bracelet as a High Tower Surprise for Tiberius and he will have to overcome that.)
and…
PJ 14 – AJ 8: Crypto asks Tiberius to give something sentimental to his wife as he awaits death. He doesn’t want to be saved, just to make sure his wife will be taken care of. Tiberius spares him and together they fake his death so he can get out of his miserable life.
AJ 9: …sends Crypto to an apparent fiery death in front of the Executive Board and then destroys the evil lair in the process.
Resolution:
PJ 15: Tiberius, new ways on display, turns down a chance to be a permanent super soldier, opens his own fast food restaurant and calls it: Ninja Burgers (even though his best friend keeps reminding him that he never was or can be a ninja.)
AJ 10: Crypto and his wife open a bar on a tropical island. Receives a postcard (or modern equivalent) from Tiberius warning he’ll be keeping an eye on him.
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Joe’s Character action tracks
My vision is to persevere and stay the course of building steady daily routine, and disciplines that produce consistent writing of exceptional quality. Ultimately, the fruit of those habits and disciplines will be a track record of great marketable scripts that will make other successful talented pros seek me out.
What I learned: I feel quite confident creating meaningful visual and kinetic moments full of meaning that point to the heart of the story. I’ve always felt this was one of my natural talents that affirms that I should be screenwriting. Breaking this assignment down where I’m forcing the discipline of going individually through every scene with all 3 characters is forcing me to not rest on my laurels, but instead, to mine it for all its worth. But I would never have gone through this exhaustive of a process based on my own disciplines. I may have never even have come up with half these images if not for this assignment.
LORENZO:
Act 1:
Lorenzo is once again fighting with the landlord of his pizza place.
– Engrossed in cooking, but theatrically stops and steps aside to talk to landlord, communicating “I have to shut down production to talk to you”
— totally pursues him, unapologetically covered in flour or pizza sauce while Landlord is in formal business attire
Based on how Lorenzo has seen the landlord treat the past newbie entrepeneurs, he is sure the landlord will take advantage of Emily (financially, not sexually) but since she’s being so cold to him, he thinks she’s stuck up, so he doesn’t care. He figures she wont last long.
–When Emily walks by in latin dance attire like an exotic princess, Lorenzo turns back to his food un-distracted and flings pizza dough like its his own dance.
Emily confronts Lorenzo accusing him of negligence, but Lorenzo’s not having any of that! He tries to warn her about the Landlord: tells her what a liar he is, but she doesn’t believe him. They both think the other one is a threat to their business’ success in some way.
-again, like with the landlord, has to abruptly and disgruntingly “halt production” on some large dough mixer or something to talk to her.
–Holds a large open container of anchovies while he talks to her. She looks like Mary Poppins, he looks like Dick Van Dyke after a chimney sweep.
A devoted long-time customer of Lorenzo’s is talking to him about the new teacher, encouraging him to check her out. He says he needs way more than a pretty face and hot body; he needs character; substance (“I’m not a sweets guy, its about the umami for me!”)
— Another food item, only its some meat-based savory pizza or steak or bacon roast or soup or lasagna coming out of the oven, fresh and steaming.
Emily’s studio is good for Lorenzo’s business ’cause her students eat at his place before and after classes. He just has to be careful he never tells them what he really thinks of their beloved teacher.
— he opens the door for his customers like a broadway star bowing to famous people on the red carpet (the customers are the red carpet celebrities. He is an usher)
–they leave some kind of trinket from Emily’s studio on his table and behind their back, he snags it and sneaks it into the trashcan.
Lorenzo and Emily individually pour everything they got into making their seperate small businesses work while still avoiding each other. They are clearly masters of their craft. But there is also a void in their lives as they wholeheartedly make personal sacrifices for their studio on a daily level. (montage)
— Lonely moment; alone with the logo from the anchovy staring at him while he does late night paperwork in his cramped office space.
–what else?
One day while overworked and undernourished, Emily falls when the railing gives out.
Lorenzo finds her
–He’s carrying a giant stack of pizza boxes; seemingly overwhelming visually, but he balances them like a trapeze artist juggling bowling balls. He instantly abandons them with ease and grace to cater to his wounded accuser.
Lorenzo helps her recover in his shop, where he feeds her a fresh batch of his special homemade soup, meeting two big neglected needs of hers
–Lorenzo is smart, but he’s so used to praises for his food, so he doesn’t pick up on it (despite how obvious it is to the audience)
ACT 2
Lorenzo is excellent at the nuts and bolts of a brick and mortar store and balancing budgets, but doesn’t know how to market himself. (a seperate scene or montage for each of them)
— in department store, comparing food, not for price but for quality of ingredients, and overhearing a couple discussing choosing a competitor of Lorenzo’s because of an advertising campaign. He snags the magazine with the ad out from their shopping cart without them seeing.
Landlord is clearly defined as two-faced and Lorenzo is justified.
–When Emily tells him, he spins pizza boxes in his hand while trying not to look smug about it.
Emily lets Lorenzo take the lead on defending themselves against the landlord.
–Suddenly appears booksmart as he brainstorms plans at his desk. No food prep props needed this time; no smugness.
They also help each other out even more with their business needs when Emily lets Lorenzo cater the end-of-the-year recital/celebration in the studio.
— he wheels in food like a servant bringing in a banquet for a king. The soundtrack would be playing “be our guest” from Disney’s beauty and the beast if we could do it without getting sued.
Emily sees that Lorenzo was right about Landlord and admits it to him. Lorenzos feelings for Emily as a “partner” really blossom on several layers, but it also fuels Lorenzo’s fighting spirit and he’s ready to go on the offense for Emily’s sake.
–Lorenzo gets animated, bouncing about like Mohammad Ali, punching fists together.
Lorenzo realizes he’s got feelings for her, and is ready to confess his feelings for her. Since he’s got a lot of gifts with him, he takes the elevator, and gets stuck in it. While he’s stuck in there, the punk teenagers who are always loitering in the parking lot rob the store.
–Going in and out of elevator and back to shop 3 different times to; make soup, clean shoes, shave, take off apron, etc.
–banging on the walls of the elevator. Doing his absolute best to jump up to the roof and break out. Throwing flowers against the wall. Collapsing on the floor as they fall back onto him like flowers on a grave.
ACT 3
Lorenzo confronts the landlord again about the elevator. it’s heated. Lorenzo feels completely justified and landlord is in denial, so deep down it’s comical from Lorenzo’s point of view, but scary to the landlord, who could be facing a very real lawsuit.
— This time he’s dressed clean and proper. Maybe even wearing a tie.
–Maybe he walk-chases the landlord around the building with a “where you goin’ little punk? demeanor.
She takes the elevator to warn Lorenzo. He’s already in there coming up to visit her. Alone in the elevator, he tells her that Lorenzo’s aging uncle in Italy is finally dying, so he’s taking time off to visit the motherland and be with him. She gives him her blessing, but the subtext clearly communicates that she doesn’t want him to go.
— totally wants to kiss her but totally holding back. Can’t stop eyeing her up though, but won’t say anything at all about his feelings.
Act 4:
4th Act Climax:
Lorenzo has been in Italy several months now, living with his family. He’s happy, but still single, but there’s lots of options with local Italian women. He also has been discussing his dream of opening his own restaurant in Italy with his uncle being the main financier. But then, guess who shows up and wants him to return to America.
— Lorenzo appears youthful: 10 years younger. In his families kitchen, he moves like a maestro, or mohammad ali, but he’s also in there with 3 other older italian women who are having fun bossing him around. He wholeheartedly rises to their challenges.
— then he sees emily and he totally freezes up. He drops a piece of succulent savory food, letting it fall to the ground.
He debates going back to America, but instead, he convinces her to stay in Italy. Despite her devotion to her students, just once she allows herself this Cinderella fantasy and they get married and decide to live in Italy indefinitely.
— Full of joy at the reception as he dances with relatives, and relatives sweep Emily off of her feet.
–Lorenzo learning to dance, finally!
When the uncle dies, Lorenzo finds out that he put a clause in his will, that since Lorenzo chose to go back the girl instead of staying in Italy, he has inherited a boatload of cash. But it was only if he chose the girl. Good thing he did.
–Lorenzo crying thinking about the love and guiding spirit of his uncle.
They convert the 3rd floor into an apartment with a dance floor and outdoor cooking area on the roof. But this space is just for them, off-limits to clientele. They vow that when they are up there together they cannot be doing business-related stuff; strictly personal. (There’s a day-bed too)
–Lorenzo tempted to start writing up a menu for the Trattorio.
–Tempted to answer phone call from a distributor.
–Looking at a competitors ad on his phone, then at Emily’s eyes. they compete for his attention. He surrenders to Emily.
–dancing now, and he’s getting better.
EMILY:
Act 1:
Meanwhile, Emily learns that her business partner is bailing on her on the day of signing of the lease for their new off-broadway dance studio, Turns out she made the cut in a new show (Emily didn’t). In a sort of retaliation, Emily finds the first space she can in the suburbs above Lorenzo’s pizza shop. She tells the landlord she wants to sign that day, so please have the lease ready.
–first enraged when answering phone, then hearing the news of her partner bailing, ready to judge her like a coward. then when she hears its cause she got the part in the new show, she’s completely deflated. Then defiant as she moves forward without her.
–feigning “I’m a smart businesswoman” to landlord as she makes the blatant rookie mistake of telling him she’s signing today before even seeing the place.
The suspiciously extra-friendly Landlord warns her about Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner and his main clientele: the punk teenagers that hang out in front of his store. He also tells her that the elevator doesn’t go to the 3rd floor, but its not safe up there anyway so no reason to go there. She believes him and decides to steer clear of Lorenzo as much as possible.
–sternly inspects dance floor, then spins like a gleeful child on it. After that she pretends to pay attention when landlord talks about AC-Heating maintenance, but then plays with the recessed lighting like they’re stage lights.
Elevator breaks down with one of Emily’s students in it, and another student cancels their lession because she has a phobia of rickety steps. The landlord leads her to believe it’s the fault of Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner. She believes him.
–embarrassed beyond belief.
— then enraged and totally promising student she’s going to rip the pizza guys a new one.
Emily confronts Lorenzo accusing him of negligence, but Lorenzo’s not having any of that! He tries to warn her about the Landlord: tells her what a liar he is, but she doesn’t believe him. They both think the other one is a threat to their business’ success in some way.
–cold, defensive, and unintentionally condescending. She stands her ground but also retreats when its clear this is not her turf.
Lorenzo and Emily individually pour everything they got into making their seperate small businesses work while still avoiding each other. They are clearly masters of their craft. But there is also a void in their lives as they wholeheartedly make personal sacrifices for their studio on a daily level. (montage)
–Montage of her totally giving everything she’s got to students in both word and deed (like Jennifer Lopez in Shall We Dance)
–Students linger cause they love the way they feel there, but when she finally closed down and they leave, she collapses on the couch.
One day while overworked and undernourished, Emily falls when the railing gives out. Lorenzo helps her recover in his shop, where he feeds her a fresh batch of his special homemade soup, meeting two big neglected needs of hers; one physical (good food) and the other emotional (nurturing companionship)
–The subtext is thick with Emily’s denial of her new feelings, she is awfully inquisitive and curious, wide-eyed and even blushing; fighting to regain composure: “remember, he’s the enemy!” she has to tell herself
ACT 2
They agree to start to work together for the good of both their businesses. Lorenzo says to trust him that the landlord is the problem. She’s not sure who to trust, so is more skeptical, but is still going forward with Lorenzo’s plans. In her mind, she is “testing” both Lorenzo AND the landlord.
Emily is excellent with her promotional/marketing talents,
–canvassing on the street corner and local community day events with impromptu announcements on loudspeaker as part of an otherwise lackluster program: she can be in a miserable mood, but totally choose to be the life of the party and “turn it on” for the 5 minutes when she is the main attraction.
but lacks basic business managment sense.
–overpays to vendors, orders extravagant bric-a-brac to promote her studio.
Emily’s students start to see how they would be great for each other, but Emily is still in denial about her feelings.
–gerat at changing the subject and reverting to looking like a middle-schooler (like Molly Ringwald in 16 candles when Jake first talks to her)
Emily rises to Lorenzo’s challenge to revisit who’s fault the elevator is: Lorenzo or the Landlord. She does some sleuthing about the 3rd floor and/or the previous tenant.
–plays the naiive innocent lost femme-fatale when interviewing previous tenants.
They also help each other out even more with their business needs when Emily lets Lorenzo cater the end-of-the-year recital/celebration in the studio.
–announces him boldly without stumbling, but when he enters with the whole “be our guest” demeanor, she loses her confidence.
ACT 3
Emily’s business is growing, and she has matured in some of her business skills. the landlord makes an offer to her for an “upgrade” to move downstairs. When she says “what about Lorenzo” he says he’s probably going to evict Lorenzo.
–she hides her emotion and has learned to talk more business-like to landlord, and less “buddy buddy”
She takes the elevator to warn Lorenzo. He’s already in there coming up to visit her. Alone in the elevator, he tells her that Lorenzo’s aging uncle in Italy is finally dying, so he’s taking time off to visit the motherland and be with him. She gives him her blessing, but the subtext clearly communicates that she doesn’t want him to go.
–self explanatory.
Act 4:
Its been 2 years since Emily moved in and a new owner is taking over Lorenzo’s. Landlord is pressuring Emily to sign a 5 year leasel; but she’ll have to pay for elevator expenses.
–she takes the lease papers in hand with extreme caution: like they’re radioactive.
The new owner has taken over the pizza shop, the void is extremely apparent to Emily.
–She orders lots of food from him like she’s a big shot food critic and/or health inspector. She asks what kind of soup they have, and looks very disappointed at the mediocre options.
She wants Lorenzo back and decides to track him down and try to convince him to come back and buy a building with her.
-Running through airport with plane ticket in pocket, looking like she doesn’t want anyone to know its her.
4th Act Climax:
Emily tells him what its like without him. She spills her guts and confesses her love for him.
–She totally falls in love with Lorenzo’s family and when Lorenzo walks in, she’s teaching a group line dance.
He debates going back to America, but instead, he convinces her to stay in Italy. Despite her devotion to her students, just once she allows herself this Cinderella fantasy and they get married and decide to live in Italy indefinitely.
–totally plays up the bella-de-ball for the whole ceremony.
It seems picturesque, but… no. Emily is still not happy
–she spots something that suddenly triggers her guilt about abandoning the studio; leaving both the students, and her landlord hanging.
She works with him, but also rents the 2nd floor to other teachers and manages as the studio diva.
–Hiring/vetting new teachers, she seems like a shrewd businesswoman, and the newbie teachers sense that and give her the respect she commands.
They convert the 3rd floor into an apartment with a dance floor and outdoor cooking area on the roof. But this space is just for them, off-limits to clientele. They vow that when they are up there together they cannot be doing business-related stuff; strictly personal. (There’s a day-bed too)
–Glaring at him across the table doesn’t work, so instead she slinks up to him while he’s on the phone and starts to do sultry blues dancing; enticing him over to the day bed.
LANDLORD:
Act 1:
The landlord returns the hostility with Ralph Kramden-style warnings about eviction, etc.
–self explanatory. let the actor run with this.
The suspiciously extra-friendly Landlord warns her about Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner and his main clientele: the punk teenagers that hang out in front of his store. He also tells her that the elevator doesn’t go to the 3rd floor, but its not safe up there anyway so no reason to go there.
–Very quickly changes tone to play the victim to Lorenzo’s supposed negligence. But when he talks about 3rd floor, he is cold, and won’t say anything more other than “don’t go up there”.
The landlord leads her to believe it’s the fault of Lorenzo, the pizza shop owner. She believes him.
–Throws a fit when he sees the damage the fire department did when they came to rescue the trapped students. Blames them for negligence.
ACT 3
Lorenzo confronts the landlord again about the elevator. it’s heated. Lorenzo feels completely justified and landlord is in denial, so deep down it’s comical from Lorenzo’s point of view, but scary to the landlord, who could be facing a very real lawsuit.
–Landlord “runs” away with his tail between his legs at the mention of “lawsuit”, but continues to throw false threats at Lorenzo verbally, but his voice is shaken. They are comical. He trips over a trash can in the parking lot.
The landlord makes an offer to her for an “upgrade” to move downstairs. When she says “what about Lorenzo” he says he’s probably going to evict Lorenzo.
–Makes offer to Emily using “late night DJ” voice. But it totally changes when she asks about Lorenzo. You can see it in his eyes. His eviction statement is filled with hostility.
— When he offers her the new 5 year lease, he hands it to her with a pen in hand, clicked on, really expecting her to sign like she did last time. But she doesnt.
— He becomes blatantly over-friendly to her for the next month and doesn’t mention the lease at all.
They buy the building from the disgruntled landlord
–He does a big fake “thank you thank you” song and dance as he signs the paperwork, but you can tell he’s got lots of unresolved pride-based anger about it as he walks backwards through parking lot, yelling back at Lorenzo.
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Paul Dees’ Character Action Tracks
My Vision: I am a writer/director/producer that writes and makes films of all kinds, and I am recognized by the industry as both a highly successful filmmaker and as a person that’s easy to work with.
What I learned from this assignment is how to put together a beat sheet based on an initial structure, character journeys, story layers and genre conventions.
Genre: Action/Thriller
ACT 1: Terrorist Attacks Start to Occur
Rick PJ 1: Special Agent Rick O’Brien and his partner try to rescue a hostage, and both the hostage and his partner are killed
Rick PJ 2: Six months later, Rick is at home, sequestered away from his family.
DEEPER LAYER: Rick blames himself for what happened and is battling soul crushing depression.
INCITING INCIDENT: A woman plants a bomb in a skyscraper. He face shimmers after the bomb goes off, and mask falls to the ground. She runs off, with no memory of what she just did. Rick is summoned by his boss to investigate the incident, along with Special Agent Sean Gray.
Sean AJ 1: Sean prepares a video message that he sends to the FBI, where his image is blurred, and he states in a disguised voice why the bombings are happening, and that there will be more to come.
Rick PJ 3: Rick investigates the crime scene. He finds evidence of what type of bomb was used.
Sean AJ 2: Sean investigates the crime scene along with Rick. He finds the mask on the street, where it fell off the woman’s face.
DEEPER LAYER: Rick has no idea that he’s working alongside the man who caused the explosion.
Sean AJ 3: Sean thanks Rick for his help and wishes him well.
Rick PJ 4: Rick goes home and starts to open up a bit to his family.
TURNING POINT 1: Two more attacks much like the first one occur. Rick’s boss reactivates him as now they’re dealing with a serial terrorist.
ACT 2:
Rick and Sean go after the mastermind behind the bombings.
Rick PJ 4: Rick arrives at the field office to see what leads there are if any. He is once again assigned to partner up with Sean Gray.
Sean AJ 4: Sean sends a second video message to the FBI that he and Rick watch, in which he gloats over the bombings, and states that there will be even more coming, and in greater numbers.
Sean AJ 5: Sean analyzes the mask he found at the first crime scene and discovers that it can control the mind of the person who wears it.
DEEPER LAYER: No one but Sean knows that he’s covering his tracks by being the one to “figure out” how the mask works.
Rick PJ 5: Rick finds more evidence of the same type of bomb that was used in the previous attack.
Sean AJ 6: Sean is invaluable in helping figure out how the masks found at each scene connect to the bombings. He also plants evidence at each scene unbeknownst to Rick, which Rick finds, and it helps build a case against the wrong man.
TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT: Rick and Sean tie the bombings to a former terrorist who used similar materials for his bombs. He shoots at Sean when they go to arrest him, and Rick pushes him out of the way just in time, saving his life in the process. The bombings cease for a time.
Rick PJ 6: Rick invites Sean to dinner with his family.
Sean AJ 7: Sean, who is single, accepts and brings dessert.
DEEPER LAYER: Rick has saved the life of the man they’re trying to bring to justice and has also brought a wolf in sheep’s clothing to meet his family.
ACT 3:
Rick and Sean learn they caught the wrong man.
Sean AJ 8: Sean sends another video message, telling the FBI that they caught the wrong man, and that there will be a whole slew of bombings coming up, and that there’s nothing they can do to stop them.
Rick PJ 7: Rick alerts all FBI field offices to this latest threat.
DEEPER LAYER: Rick starts to spiral downhill emotionally, and withdraws back into his shell, as feelings of inadequacy and depression over their failed attempt to capture the terrorist threaten to overwhelm him.
TURNING POINT 3: Five more cities are bombed.
Rick PJ 7: Rick resigns from the FBI and goes home. He opens up to his wife about how he’ll never be able to make things right, due to too many people dying under his watch. She tells him the way to make things right is to press forward until the terrorist is caught.
Sean AJ 9: Sean is equally upset about the latest bombings and berates the bureau about not catching who’s behind them.
DEEPER LAYER: Rick opens up to his wife about how he’ll never be able to make things right, due to too many people dying under his watch. She tells him the way to make things right is to press forward until the terrorist is caught.
ACT 4: Rick figures it out
Climax / Ultimate Expression of the Conflict
Rick PJ 7: Rick starts running background checks on all of the agents in the office in the attempt to find out if the terrorist is one of their own.
Sean AJ 9: Rick pulls Sean aside at the office, and tells him when he looked up his name on the FBI database, it pulled up a 56 year-old special agent stationed in Los Angeles. Furthermore, he got Sean’s fingerprints off of the coffee mug he drank from the day before, and pulled up one Lester Thomas, a felon with a long history of computer fraud, that was granted parole two years ago. Additionally, it showed he served in the military and worked in demolition, and then earned a degree in biomedical engineering before he went to prison. Sean tells Rick his parents were victims of the 9/11 attacks, and he blames the FBI and the Department of Homeland Security for failing to connect the dots. So he decided to give the FBI some more hands-on practice at stopping terrorist attacks, as opposed to them just going through the motions with some pre-planned exercise. He goes on to say that even though people have died from his scenarios, many more people will be saved once the FBI is able to spot and prevent them from happening. Rick tries to arrest Sean, they fight, and Sean gains the upper hand. He tells Rick normally he’d just kill him, but since he saved his life earlier in the case, he’ll let him live. His wife though won’t be so fortunate. Sean knocks Rick out and activates all of the masks and timers on the bombs he sent his new group of helpers, and they all get in their cars with bombs in tow, their timers counting down.
Sean AJ 10: Sean stops off at Rick’s house, carrying a package. He puts it on the doorstep, and then rings the doorbell. Rick’s wife comes to the door, and she and Sean talk for a moment. Sean points out the package on the doorstep, and she takes it inside. Sean drives away. Rick’s wife opens the package and pulls out a mask. A light shines in her eyes, and an audible voice tells her to put it on. She complies, and her face changes so that she looks like someone else. The voice then instructs her to pull a bomb out of the package and to head to a downtown, where she’ll receive further instructions. Rick’s wife puts the bomb in her purse, the timer activates, and she drives away.
Resolution
Rick PJ 8: Rick puts all agents on the lookout for Sean, as he jumps in his car and drives off. Rick pulls up to his house and runs inside. His wife is nowhere to be found. Sean is spotted by a pair of agents, and they call Rick, who runs to his car and joins in the chase. Meanwhile, Rick’s wife gets to the building her mask has instructed her to go to, and she goes inside. Sean is run off the road, by the other agents in front of a mall. He gets out of his car and a gunfight ensues, and Sean ends up shooting both agents, and runs in to the mall. Rick pulls up and checks on the agents, who are both wounded, but alive. They tell Rick where Sean ran off to, and Rick runs into the mall. He finds Sean and pursues him on foot. Rick’s wife takes an elevator to the 25<sup>th</sup> floor.
Sean AJ 11: Sean makes his way to the roof of the mall, with Rick close behind. Rick’s wife plants the bomb in a utility closet. The timer has only five minutes left before it goes off. The voice coming from her mask tells her to remain of the 25<sup>th</sup> floor. She stands in the hallway and looks at her phone. Sean’s helpers in the other cities he’s sent his packages to plant their bombs as well, the timers on each of them have just minutes left.
Rick PJ 9: Rick and Sean fight and Rick overpowers him. Sean pulls out his phone and then throws it over the side of the building. Rick knocks Sean unconscious and goes over to the edge. The phone is on a walkway about eight feet down. Rick drops down to the walkway and picks it up. But just as he goes to open up the app to stop the timers on the bombs, Sean grabs his wrist, and they struggle. There’s only 20 seconds left on each bomb’s timer. Rick gets the upper hand, throws Sean off the walkway, and he plunges to his death. There’s five seconds left on the timer.
Rick opens the app that will stop the bombs’ timers, and they all stop with one second left. The masks on each of Sean’s helpers including Rick’s wife, start shimmering and fall off, revealing their true identities, and they all stand where they’re at, without any recollection of what happened. The nightmare is over, and the country is safe once more. Rick is awarded the Presidential Freedom medal by the President of the United States and is promoted to field office supervisor.
The Deeper layer
Surface Layer: Special Agent Rick
O’Brien and his new partner Sean Gray, are assigned to find and bring the
mastermind behind terrorist attacks occurring through the country to
justice.· Deeper Layer: The deeper layer is that Sean Gray is the terrorist.
· Major Reveal: The big reveal is at the end of the story, when Rick figures out Sean is the one behind the terrorist attacks.
· Influences Surface Story: Sean helps Rick with their investigation on the surface, but in reality, he’s always leading them away just enough, to prevent Rick from connecting the dots back to him.
· Hints: Sean is always the first to investigate one of the bombing sites, due to them being up on the 20<sup>th</sup> floor of a skyscraper, and Rick hates heights. This gives Sean ample time to plant or alter evidence so that it points away from him being the bomber.
· Changes Reality: When it’s revealed that Sean is the bomber, we the story shift from two dedicated FBI agents trying to bring a madman to justice, to it really being one agent trying to save lives while the bomber was working alongside him the whole time.
Genre Conventions: Thriller
Purpose: To thrill your audience with high stakes, plot twists, and
suspense that never lets up until the adrenalin packed climax.
Life and Death Situations: They face danger at every step — either
physically, emotionally, or mentally. The hero needs to either be in danger
or there is the implication of future danger.
Mystery/Intrigue/Suspense: There’s a mystery that must be solved in
order to survive. Intrigue is the underhanded and covert Villain’s plan.
Suspense comes from the danger the Hero faces.
Hero: Unknowing, unwitting, but resourceful hero
Villain: Dangerous, devious, and unrelenting. Committed to destroy
anyone who gets in their way.
Main Emotions: Suspense, intrigue, mystery, tension, anticipation,
uncertainty, and surprise.
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Module 4: Lesson #5
Nancy’s Character Tracks
My Vision: To create a polished portfolio and do whatever it takes to get a manager, and then sell multiple TV and or feature scripts.
What I learned doing this assignment is that characters must take interesting actions in their stories to keep the audience engaged.
Act 1: Freya’s search for her life’s purpose sends her fleeing home to an uninhabited island.
Surface Layer: Freya is troubled by her platonic marriage.
Deeper Layer: Freya escapes to give herself time to think… What’s her purpose? Is her husband her soulmate?
Freya PJ1: Still reeling from a miscarriage and her failure to commit to her husband/marriage, Freya fights with her husband at a holiday christmas party for work. Falls back to the old pattern of work to fill her void.
Action Now: corners her boss at office party, then uses sex to manipulate
Action Future: Threatens to reveal encounter w/boss to get a meaningful story
** Freya is interviewed for a story about the death of her media mogul boss. Story reference’s his island and the sordid history of “murder”.
Establish she is a city girl, glued to her phone, uncomfortable with quiet.
Action Now: shuts down when confronted by husband, sobs, opens computer, writes madly
Action Future: ?
** Freya reveals (in therapy) that she is relieved that she is no longer pregnant
Action Now: She walls up, speaks without emotion, curls into a ball on therapist’s couch
Inciting Incident: Husband gives her an ultimatum, commit to relationship or he’ll leave her.
Action Now: She tries to change his mind with sex, but he denies her
** Freya PJ2: Freya is passed over for a big assignment
Action Now: She threatens to reveal her boss’s indiscretions
Freya PJ3: Freya meets boss to pitch for a more fulfilling story, but is refused.
** Townspeople discuss the future of the island now that media mogul boss owner is dead. Express hopes that tourism will resume
Noah AJ1: While in town, Noah sees a picture of Freya (when interviewed), she’s wearing the one of a kind amulet that once belonged to Lisbeth. He also overhears “treasure hunters” discussing the presence of fortune hidden on the island he is protecting.
Action Now: Noah Slinks around the bar/village, stays in shadows, face down
Action Now: He knocks over a treasure hunter’s drink, all over map of grounds
(Noah AJ2: Noah sends an old travel brochure to Freya’s address.)
Deeper Layer: Noah recognizes Freya as the reincarnation of his past love, Lisbeth and hopes to draw her to the island to be sure.
Freya PJ4: Freya gets an opportunity to write a series of travel articles/blogs about an uninhabited island (once a famous tourism site until the death of Lisbeth, 30 years prior but Freya does not know this yet.)
** Establish Freya is a city slicker with zero skills for living alone on deserted island
** Establish Freya/husbands relationship based on friendship, now hanging on thread
Freya PJ5: Freya tells her husband she’s leaving for a career opportunity. Her husband gives her one week to return, or he leaves. “If you want to be taken seriously as a writer, you need to start acting like someone people can take seriously.”
Action Now: once again tries to use sex as a salve, he stops her
Hints: Freya has dreams of drowning and we believe this is due to a childhood fear of water… but in fact, they are dreams of how she died in her past life.
Turning Point 1: As she’s ferried to island, Freya learns about the legend of the island, she has an unexplainable drive to solve their mystery.
Action Now: She clings to the side of the boat as they ride (fear). Selfies, takes tons of pictures, struggles to keep calm exterior composure
** There is no indication that a caretaker lives on the island.
** Noah watches her disembark from the shadows.
Action Now: Freya ask ridiculous questions, like daily housekeeping, turns her nose up at the rustic conditions. Scrambles around the island to find bars on her phone. When it’s at the edge of the water, she nearly has a panic attack.
Action Later: She overcomes her fear with deep breaths when she has to go back on the water to escape the island
Act 2: Freya dives into her assignment, but digs deeper into exploring the cold case. Through Noah, Freya reviews her errors of the past/in dreams? through hypnosis?
** Freya struggles with having spotty internet, living so close to water, no water pressure in the cottage, etc.
** Freya falls into depression, questions her abilities to write, stay on island
** Freya fights with husband from stress and his “I told you so attitude”
** Noah wears “caretaker” clothing
** The dreams Freya has about her past are so life like, audience questions whether they are dreams or Freya’s reality
Action Now: After the dreams, she curls up in a ball, afraid
Noah AJ3: Noah spies/stalks Freya. Tries to scare her off the island before she learns the truth > who she is and the truth about the murder
Freya PJ6: As Freya stumbles about adjusting to being alone/non-city life, a series of events (created by Noah) occur and she begins to question her reality.
Action Now: She freaks out with her editor and therapist on the phone, acts far from someone who can be taken seriously.
Deeper Layer: Freya has nightly dreams that continue to build clues to the truth > she is the reincarnation of Lisbeth.
** possible beat here in flashback of the home, lived in and in its heyday
** Noah keeps protective watch over something that is buried beneath the house
Freya PJ7: Freya discovers the deserted home that once belonged to Lisbeth and Lars. She breaks in. turns her nose up at the dust.
Noah AJ 4: Noah stalks Freya as she explores the house.
HInts: When Noah is alone, and we see the world from his perspective, his surroundings are what they once were (30 years ago), but Freya sees them as they are now – dusty, unkempt with furniture covered in sheets.
Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Freya learns the truth about Lisbeth’s death, she uncovers the stories Noah has been collecting. Noah confronts Freya in the house, lies to her about who he is.
Action Now: Instead of being afraid, Freya asks a zillion questions – do you live here? How do you get here? Are you a ghost? To which he replies, do I look like a ghost to you?
Noah AJ 5: Noah tells her to leave the island – for her safety.
Action Now: Until now, he’d been afraid to get too close… he approaches her, reaches for the amulet she wears around her neck.
** snippets of weather reports in the background days before Freya arrives on island
Act 3: Freya digs in. But a deadly storm is headed their way and she can’t leave. Through Noah, Freya reviews her errors of the present/what she is not seeing,
Action Now: Packs bags, frantically tries to get someone on the phone.
Freya PJ8: Freya begins piecing together why Lisbeth was murdered and by who.
Noah AJ6: Reveals who she is – Lisbeth. TBD
Discovery: As Freya gains his trust, he shares the details of Lisbeth’s death. These details match what Freya has been dreaming. Freya shares her dreams with Noah, they match what she has learned about Lisbeth’s death. – the face of her killer has not yet been revealed.
** to rid dreams, Freya undergoes past-life regression therapy
Freya PJ 9: Befriends Noah, uses him for info. There is an unexplainable soul connection between them.
** Freya pitches the new story to her boss, indicating this investigative piece will make her career. She emails notes to boss.
** Husband gives final ultimatum to Freya to return home in 2 days
Noah AJ7: Forces Freya to delete her notes, he doesn’t want her to complete the story because then he would leave her >> she is his love from the past.
** a previous beat where Freya attempts to get closer to water, tinker with a defunct boat left on land
Freya has another dream, this time the face of her killer is revealed, it’s Noah.
Freya PJ10: Afraid for her life, Freya tries to escape. She’s hit from behind.
Turning Point 3: Freya wakes up tied to her bed as the waters rise from the impending storm outside her door. Her story, and semblance of a shot of a story that could launch her career, is shattered.
Action Now: Freya walls up, can’t speak. “My followers will wonder why I haven’t posted yet.”
<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Deeper Layer: Because he is a soul, Noah knows Freya is the reincarnation of Lisbeth… but it is unclear how much she remembers. He tries to deter her from looking within and remembering the truth… in case her memory will implicate him.
** internet is out, landlines are out, no electricity – Freya can’t reach husband to ask him to wait
Act 4: A deadly storm is approaching the island, no one is able to come rescue Freya. She has to use a different tact, convincing Noah to help her escape. Freya sees herself lonely, without husband in the future
Action Now: Freya uses her sexuality to manipulate Noah, he won’t let her touch him. “No.”
Freya PJ 11: Freya convinces Noah that Lisbeth loved him, and so does she. Attempts to win him over. Uses investigative skills to learn more about the real story of why Lisbeth was killed.
Reveal/discovery: (Lisbeth’s husband hired killers, and framed Noah/Caretaker for the murder so that he could claim ownership to the family fortune and money buried in the basement of the family home).
4th Act Climax: Lisbeth & Noah set out for the mainland together. Noah realizes Freya knows the truth about the murders. He confesses and she captures it all on recording/phone call to ?boss?authorities
Noah tries to kill her but they both go overboard.
Noah AJ8: As a spirit, Noah crosses over fulfilling his purpose to help Freya find the will to live.
Resolution: Freya returns to her home as a changed woman. She has the will to live, and fights to be with her husband, takes focus off her career.
Freya fights to survive, clinging to the boat. She has found her purpose > to tell the story about Lisbeth and reveal the bigger truth, that the media mogul that died at the beginning of the story was laundering money, hiding it on the island to evade the IRS. She fights to get her husband back. Discovers Noah was never alive in the first place.
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Erin Ziccarelli’s Character Action Tracks
Vision: I am going to create meaningful scripts that leave audiences remembering my movies and leave me excited to keep writing and moving up in the industry.
What I learned from doing this assignment is: the different ways to express character actions. These traits open a lot of possibilities for my protagonist’s actions and will help make him more interesting.
Select your Protagonist and go through the process above to make sure every beat has action that comes from their Profile. Do the same with your Antagonist. If there is a Triangle character, do the process with that character.
Act I: Alex inherits, goes to rehab, and is released on the condition that he becomes productive
Alex PJ1: 1973 Alex + the South End + Alex’s Uncle
gambling. Conflict introduced.Trait: tricky – slyly wins the card game while maintaining
a poker face. Future actions could include more gambling, hiding behind a
façade, and making calculated moves.Alex PJ2: Alex Donovan and Kitty Caden together
Trait: vulnerable – Alex’s human side. Future actions
could include him placing an emphasis on his family – even if they’re not
from the South End.Deeper level: Alex expressing loyalty to his family,
then having a passionate love affair with a woman from a rival crime
family
Inciting incident: Alex is arrested the night of the counterfeiting
deal. The Brennans turned him in. Alex sacrifices himself and goes to jail.
Deeper level: Alex’s loyalty still lies with his
family. He loves Kitty but still lives by the motto “family first.”
Alex PJ3: 20 years later, Alex is alone, in jail, and
has a dangerous cocaine habit. Fights Ted Brennan. Roger reveals his
inheritance of the Caden estate. Alex refuses the money.Trait: resentful – Alex holding a grudge for over 20
years. He doesn’t forget. Future actions include him acting out because
of something that happened many years ago, that everyone has forgotten
except for him.Deeper level: Even twenty years later, Alex is still
living by the same motto. He’s been abandoned by the Donovans, yet he
still won’t give up on them.
Alex PJ4: Ted reveals Scarlett’s and dies, Alex
investigates, realizes it’s trueTrait: violent – Alex is responsible for Ted’s death.
Alex is powerful, imposing, and capable of inflicting serious harm.Scarlett AJ1: Scarlett and Ted worked together, her
loyalties lie with the Brennans and Cadens (Alex’s nemesis).Trait: determined – Scarlett joined forces with Ted to
get the job done. Scarlett’s emphasis is family loyalty. She will never
let her side down.Turning point 1: Alex accepts the inheritance and will
begin to turn his life around.Alex PJ5: Alex’s journey through rehab, transition to
becoming productive, meeting Shaun and Jack, coming up with the business
plan.Trait: action-oriented – Alex taking control of his
destiny. Future actions include him continuing to stand on his own two
feet.Scarlett AJ2: Scarlett’s existence is tormenting Alex –
does she know? Does everyone know that he’s accepted Caden money?Trait: tricky – where do her loyalties lie? Could she
and Alex ever trust each other?Alex PJ6: Alex released (on conditions) and will go to
work on the business.Trait: successful – Alex has a taste of success and
may even be enjoying it. He’s not likely to stop now.Deeper layer reveal: Alex’s first steps in “abandoning”
the family values – he’s accepted money from a Caden and has no intention
of going home. Is determined to make it without them.Act II: Alex building a new support structure, separate from the Donovans
Alex PJ7: Alex starts up the business with Shaun and
Jack, learns about the conservatorship, sees Scarlett for the first time,
but doesn’t act. Instead, focuses on building camaraderie amongst his teamTrait: leader – Alex is creating camaraderie and
treating his team as a family. Wants them to support each other.Alex PJ8: Roger presses Alex, but he refuses to
acknowledge her as his daughterTrait: secretive – Alex can’t admit the truth to Roger
for much of the second and third acts. He will continue to deflect or
change the subject.Scarlett AJ3: Scarlett and Joe’s involvement with
Richard introducedTrait: hard-working – Scarlett and Joe aren’t going to
blow this. They’re future rides on them being successful in this next
operation.Deeper level: Scarlett is a younger/female version of
Alex. A window into his younger days. They’re so alike yet on different
sides.Alex PJ9: Alex crosses paths with his old friends, they
want him back, he refuses the offer, he hires Scarlett and gets to know
her a little betterTrait: resentful – he refuses their offer because he hasn’t
forgotten how they betrayed him. This builds tension and paves the way
for a fight or showdown in Act IV.Deeper level: Alex’s old sense of loyalty is turned on
his head – he’s building a new kind of family, spending time with a
Brennan, and rejects his family
Scarlett AJ4: Scarlett rejects Alex’s offer for help.
This job is solely for financial gain. Her focus is moving up within the
family, not Alex’s business.Trait: disconnected – she doesn’t want his help.
Turning Point 2: Alex’s uncle dies, naming him “heir.” Alex
refuses. Will not go back.
Deeper layer reveal: Alex is now caught in the middle. He’s
alienated his old friends and family, and is still treading on a shaky
support system with his new team. Feeling alone and without support – a
risky feeling for him.Act III: Alex fails on his own and rejoins the family.
Alex PJ10: Alex connects with Scarlett, he wants to
explain about his past. His hard work on the business is showing some
results. The Doyles set fire to the business.Trait: honesty – Alex trying to become a more honest
person. He’s tired of lying to Scarlett and wants to give her the truth.Scarlett AJ5: Scarlett’s likeable side – she tries to
save Will. He was her hero. She is still unsuccessful and left completely
devastated.Trait: vulnerable – Will’s death shows a human,
compassionate, and likeable side of her. We see emotion from her for the
first time.Deeper layer: The belief in self-sufficiency and
success is shattered. For Alex, through the business being burned. For
Scarlett, through Will’s death.
Alex: PJ11: Alex retains only one buyer. He
investigates the fire. Finds out it was his old friends.Trait: calculating – Alex doing everything he can to
find out what happened. When it’s revealed, he calculates his next move.Alex PJ12: Alex in the ruins of the business. Roger
presses him about Scarlett. Alex still won’t acknowledge she’s his
daughter.Trait: secretive – Alex can’t come clean. He’s hiding
and will continue to hide things from Roger.Scarlett AJ6: Scarlett back to her old ways. Spending
time with Joe, helping with the counterfeiting. Finds the truth from the
DNA match. Completely reverts to the old ways. Rejects Alex.Trait: fragile – as soon as her trust in Alex is
shattered, Scarlett returns to her old way of life.Alex PJ13: Alex falls back into his old habits.
Trait: fragile – as soon as Scarlett turns on him,
Alex can’t handle it. He falls back into his old existence.Deeper layer reveal: Sense of betrayal for both
Scarlett and Alex. They can’t handle it and immediately run back to what
was once safe for them – the old family support structures.Turning point 3: Alex and Scarlett both go back to
their old families. Accept their places as “heir.” They’re both in danger
but want to take that risk.Act IV:
Scarlett AJ7: Scarlett responsible for Alex’s near
death. She is not on his side. Is betrayed by her own people and nearly
killed.Trait: vengeful – she is a backstabber and wants to ruin
Alex.Alex PJ14: Alex seals the deal for the South End.
Confronted by Roger. Roger reveals his identity – he was once a North Ender.
Alex’s belief that these support systems don’t work is reaffirmed. He must
return to his family, confront both sides, and reject the old ways.Trait: honest – the truth comes out and Alex rediscovers
the honest, productive, and caring side of himself.Deeper layer: Scarlett and Alex have both learned that
last name isn’t everything. What makes a family is love, trust, and
support – it’s not a “working” relationship.
Alex PJ15: Final Showdown at the casino. Both sides
present. Alex confronts his worst fear and reveals Richard was responsible
for Kitty’s death.Trait: tricky – Alex never kills anyone that night.
Still manages to make them see the futility of their fight. Richard is
responsible for his own death.Turning point 4: Richard turns the gun on himself. Alex
walks away, having avenged his lover, acknowledged Scarlett as his
daughter (to everyone), and will leave Boston.
Alex PJ16: Alex at the hospital. Waits by Scarlett’s
side. She wakes up and they are at peace.Trait: vulnerable – Alex admits his regrets and
delivers the apology she’s been waiting for. Tells Scarlett that the only
way they can move forward is together.Scarlett AJ8: Scarlett realizing that Alex was the only
one there for her. The beginning of them trusting each other.Trait: forgiving – her forgiveness of Alex will see
her through an upcoming, difficult phase of her life. She has hope.Deeper layer: Scarlett and Alex have overcome their
ties to their old families. They will continue to be there for each other.
Finally at peace after years of feeling alone and abandoned. -
This is the fifth lesson in the module, so I hope this is the right place to post it.
(Patty Ruland’s Basic Plotting)
What I learned from this lesson: No matter how far I get behind (this time due to a family crisis), I can return to the modules, do the lessons, and add valuable content to the script. As my granddaughter said just this weekend–she’s six!–“Believe in the process.” I do!
My vision: To make a living in this profession
Lesson:
· Influences Surface Story: Her father agrees, but it means they will occupy different vessels, which are separated by a terrible storm, subjecting her to the evil ways of a poacher who takes her hostage.
· Hints: She amazes her parents with her ability to build her own raft/canoe/shelter, all in one, and her knowledge of the lay of the land.
· Changes Reality: She wants to beat both her parents and the poacher to be the first to sight and document (draw or photograph) the river dolphin.
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