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Day 5 – What I learned …
Post the answer to the question, “What I learned rewriting my scene/character…?” and post
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10 Replies
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My characters become multidimensional when I give my them deep wounds. They offer an opportunity for secrets. For example:
Robin is a 16 year old girl.
Wound: the need to be a boy.
One of my characters wants sex-change surgery when she becomes 19. Her mother is opposed. The girl dresses like a girl for her mother before school but whips into the boy’s bathroom at school to change her clothes and her identity.
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Bob Kerr
What I learned rethinking my scene:
As my script is based on actual events, the first draft was focused on the accuracy of the timeline. Now, with the knowledge gained in this assignment, I see how I can add depth and character motivation to most of the turning points in my script.
Specifically when the lead character Fran tells her father she is changing her college major from music to business. This is contrary to the deal she made with her father to take here and her young daughter back into his house and support her as she goes back to college. The original way I wrote this was very abbreviated and stilted. I now see how I can show the wounds of both Fran and her father in this critical turning point.
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Wounds are the basis of motivation. My main character does not yet have a wound. I have to come up with one.
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I learned that even though I had given my protags (and even the antags) wounds, I had not had that strong scene before the last act in which the Ellie reveals her father abandonment wound in a dramatic way to Jim. She had somewhat revealed it to her uncle and the audience in Act 1. It was needed there to help explain why she was so against getting romantically involved beyond her eco-anxiety, which was made worse from her earlier, deeper wound.
My later scene is now fixed and more dramatic.
Another thing: I just watched the old PRIDE & PREJUDICE (1940). Darcy’s wound also gets revealed near the end — his sister had been defrauded by the same guy Elizabeth’s sister had been defrauded by). Although Darcy was of a higher status than Elizabeth and thought it an issue, this commonality made them right for and sympathetic toward each other. And it also explained why Darcy was too serious — it was not his arrogance.
In THE PROPOSAL, orphaned Margaret also blurts out her wound to the Andrew before the final act, “I forgot what it’s like to have a family.” This also helps explain why she was so hard-nosed to her underlings at work.
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I didn’t understand how to ask for feedback or receive feedback this weekend so I am putting my scene here. Hopefully I can figure it out by next weekend. Thanks.
BY JOAN BUTLER
Set-up: Robin identifies herself as nonbinary but her mother doesn’t know.
Robin is living into a future where she is recognized and accepted as nonbinary by everyone.
INT. HOPE’S APARTMENT – KITCHEN – DAY
Hope ladles porridge into bowls at the kitchen table. Robin enters. She wears thermal jeans, a pink turtleneck sweater with lace at the cuffs, and subtle make-up.
HOPE
You look very nice.
INT. SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY
Robin checks that the coast is clear then whips into the boy’s bathroom with her knapsack.
INT. SCHOOL – BOY’S BATHROOM – DAY
Robin enters a stall. She removes her pink turtleneck and her bra. She binds her breasts then adds a large black T-shirt and an extra-large hoodie.
She washes off her make-up at a sink. Two BOYS enter and use the urinal. She puts up her hood and makes a bee line for the door.
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Great feedback from everyone on that Will/Skylar scene and I especially love Robert’s insight about the innocent and hopeful question turning into a self-destructive explosion at the end.
I’m thinking about rewriting a scene in my script that also starts with an innocent and hopeful question then turns into a trigger to my female lead’s wound to end up into a break up.
By analyzing Will/Skylar’s scene, I realized my break up scene might be too “soft” in the way that I was having a hard time to have the boyfriend fight more for them. In my script, she’s the one running away and I need to bring more resistance on his side to not let her go, even if they have to rise their voices. That analysis helped me understand how I can fix it, now I need to find the right triggers for both of them! THANKS!!
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Do we have to send a connection request to the members we’d like to have an exchange with? Sent a request to @ann-marie-brennan and @robert-kerr (if you want of course).
Would be glad to give a feedback to anyone who’d like to. THX
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Mi:
Sorry I just now picked up your invitation to share feedback. Happy to share. I’ve found the best way is to share emails and go from there. My email is: kerr9606@comcast.net
Looking forward to exchanging scenes.
Thanks, Bob Kerr
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Hi Robert,
Awesome thanks! Will email you my scene.
Here’s my email mikwanlock@gmail.com
Don’t worry for the delay, I’m 9 hours ahead of LA so we might not work on the same schedule.
Have a wonderful day! Mi Kwan
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What I learned is “action speaks louder than words” gives the character a more powerful trait, and leaving the audience to side with the character or be shocked that the situation can turn so quickly on a dime… and wondering what will happen next, ie how the characters will continue a relationship with such overt but seemingly resolute character traits.
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