Day 6 Assignment

[Angie Sills]

I thoroughly enjoyed my rewatch of this flick.
Laugh out LOUD funny. LOVED it.
The reason: The characters said and did unusual things throughout the narrative. MAKE SURE you find time to experience this.

I grew up in this part of NC so the nostalgia was cool for me.

I do wander why the thread of the religious player turning the groupy and marrying her was included. This does not figure in the story at all. I bet it was to appease those offended by the opening voiceover, the direct references to the church of baseball and the comparison to religion.

[Janeen Johnson]

Janeen’s Character Intros

What I learned doing this assignment is that I probably need still more character traits and subtext in my dialog throughout the script.

Character Intros:

NICK

Nick is asleep in his spartan apartment with his tiny service dog asleep on the nightstand next to the bed.

Nick dreams about a bad day in the war, losing a buddy, shattered.

Grizzly, the service dog licks his ear to get him out of his nightmare.

Nick’s dream morphs into a love scene with the beautiful woman he’s seen at the mall.

Grizzly observes that he’s happy now and barks to wake him up.

Nick scoops up Grizzly and thanks her.

IVY

Ivy exits the apartment of the President’s parents, verbally spars with Rudy about his wife’s lateness, fishes for keys, kills an attacker who rushes her, continues fishing for the keys and exchanging barbs with the President’s parents about their bad attempts at matchmaking for her.

IVY’S NEW INTRO SCENE:

INT. APARTMENT BUILDING HALLWAY – MORNING

RUDY, an 80-ish dapper retired-CIA agent with hearing aids and glasses, stands in the hallway of his apartment building, talks on a state of the art cell phone.

RUDY

My wife insists I find out out who the mall Santa is at Century Mall. You owe me.

(pauses for response)

Remember Chile? Who rescued you when you were held hostage by five drug gang guys? Who stopped them from cutting your throat?

(he nods)

You can help me with this.

He pauses.

RUDY

Illegal or not, you WILL help me or I’ll tell your wife that the torture in North Africa left you infertile and it’s not her fault you don’t have kids.

The apartment door opens.

RUDY

Do it.

He quickly, pockets the phone.

IVY, late 30’s, in a stylish, business suit and coat, shoulder holster gun bulge evident, exits the apartment, speaks into her bluetooth headset. Her eyes travel the hall, darting, watching, while her conversation borders on the mundane.

IVY

I’m on the lookout for him.

Calls out into the apartment.

IVY

Holly, we’re waiting in the hall. You’ve got 30 seconds before we leave you at home.

Ivy and Rudy exchange a look. He points to himself.

RUDY

Fifty years of CIA experience and

(points to Ivy)

Fifteen years of Secret Service can’t get that woman out of an apartment in less than half an hour.

IVY

(smiling)

We’re failures.

Rudy does an eye roll. Ivy laughs.

RUDY

(under his breath)

Speak for yourself.

IVY

What did you say?

RUDY

I said you should probably see for yourself if she’s actually coming or if she’s on the phone again.

Ivy fishes a holiday themed key chain crowded with keys out of her pocket.

IVY

You’ve had over fifty years to teach her to be prompt. You’re a bigger failure than I am. At least I’m trying.

A menacing giant of a man in work coveralls enters from the fire escape at the end of the hall.

Ivy pulls her gun.

He rushes her, she fires, hits his shoulder, he keeps coming.

She fires again, hits him between the eyes, he drops like a sack of flour. She holsters her gun.

Goes back to searching for the key she wants on the keychain.

IVY

I can never find your key on this thing.

IVY

(into bluetooth headset)

Need a cleanup in the hallway.

She eyes the big guy on the floor.

IVY

Probably take two people.

The apartment door opens.

HOLLY, 80-ish, attractive, smartly dressed, talks on the phone, exits the apartment.

HOLLY

When you get his name, just leave me a message with it.

She pockets her phone and heads down the hall to the elevator, eyeing the big guy on the floor.

HOLLY

Are we going or not? You can’t expect Mr. Right to find you in a hallway, Ivy. Let’s go to the mall and check out that very interesting Santa.

IVY

We’re going to the mall for exercise, not to satisfy your urge to meddle.

Ivy pushes her earpiece’s button to speak.

IVY

The Clauses are on the move.

The elevator door opens. Ivy pulls her gun, steps in front of Holly and Rudy, checks out the elevator.

HOLLY

Is your buddy getting that name?

RUDY

I doubt it. Against regulations. Did you have any luck?

INT. ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

HOLLY shakes her head.

IVY motions for them to move to the back of the car, watching the hallway carefully as the elevator doors slowly close. Holly and RUDY roll their eyes and chuckle.

RUDY

Just like a real agent.

HOLLY

We’ve got to find her a husband.

IVY

What are you two whispering about.

RUDY

We were just remarking on how professional you look today.

Ivy rolls her eyes, watching the numbers change, gun at the ready.

IVY

May I remind you, the last six guys I dated, most of which were setups from you, only wanted access to your son.

Holly and Rudy exchange rueful glances.

HOLLY

If our son wasn’t the President, it would be a lot easier to find you a husband.

IVY

If your son wasn’t the President, I wouldn’t be stuck with you two.

Rudy and Holly exchange a glance.

RUDY

Touche.

Ivy, waiting on high alert for the elevator doors to open, raises one eyebrow in a triumphant smirk.

[Mary Emmick]

Mary’s Character Intros

What I learned doing this assignment is to make use of the character intros to describe the characters in a big way.

The maid of honor, ISABEL ZUCCOTTI (18), is smart, reflective and fun to be with, but is not aware she’s anything special. Her lovely brown eyes smile and cheer you up when she glances your way.

The best man, TYLER CRAMER (18), is dashing and he knows it. In his eyes is an ultra-confident gleam that proclaims, “I’m here,” when he enters a room.

[Bob Onufer]

Bob’s Character Intros

What I learned during this assignment is it helps to rewrite the character intros several different ways. There will probably be more changes as I go along.

1. Beats of Current Character Introductions

The two main characters are introduced at the same time as they meet on their way to an anniversary brunch. They cross the Thanksgiving Day parade route and Amanda almost gets hit by a giant balloon. Originally, the only way I showed character was through action (Amanda was focused to the point of not seeing the balloon; Martin needed to rush to save her.)

2. Select a different type of Introduction

I added some characters to observe the actions of Amanda and Martin and comment on it.

3. Beats of the new Character Introduction

Scene is set at Thanksgiving Day parade 1987.

The NBC broadcast team comments on the parade and balloons.

Amanda and Martin head for their anniversary brunch.

Amanda focuses on Martin and almost gets hit by a Snoopy balloon.

Martin saves Amanda from being hit.

NBC broadcasters comment on the rescue.

4. The Introduction Scene

FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY – AFTERNOON

The unmistakable view of the famous skyline. It’s a brisk

November day.

As we move to the city below, we see the magic of the

Christmas season sparkling on the metropolis. On this

particular day, crowds line the streets and traffic comes to

a halt. Children are perched on their parents shoulders or

held in their arms as everyone jockeys for the best position.

A title reads:

NEW YORK CITY – THANKSGIVING DAY – 1987

EXT. BROADWAY AND 51ST STREET – AFTERNOON

We’re in the middle of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade as

it heads toward Herald Square. Bands and floats march down

the street intermittently performing their repertoires.

WILLARD SCOTT (V.O.)

It’s a wonderful day for this year’s

parade. I’m coming to you live from

New York with my first time cohost

Mary Hart. Mary is out near Broadway

with some very special guests.

We pull back from the live view of the parade and switch to a

TV view of the NBC broadcast of the parade. We see WILLARD

SCOTT in a suit with a red tie, sunflower in lapel, and gray

fedora. He is holding a microphone.

WILLARD SCOTT

(on TV screen)

Are you there, Mary?

The TV screen switches to MARY HART dressed all in white and

holding her microphone where she is surrounded by PEANUTS

CHARACTERS and JILL SCHULTZ.

As Mary speaks on camera, we see a man and a woman bustling

down the sidewalk from opposite directions with purpose.

He is MARTIN COLE, 33 years old, handsome in a boyish way

despite the full beard he sports. He is wearing a blue coat

with white fraternity letters emblazoned on it. He hasn’t

quite made the entire transition from college to the real

world despite his years out of school.

She is AMANDA COLE, about Martin’s age but could pass for her

twenties. Amanda has dark hair with radiant blue eyes which

right now are focused on Martin, oblivious to the hoopla

around her.

MARY HART

I’m here with Jill Schultz, daughter

of Peanuts creator, Charles Schultz.

Jill will be riding the Peanuts float

for the first time this year along

with all of her friends here.

JILL SCHULTZ

That’s right Mary. Plus we’re

unveiling a new Snoopy giant balloon

this year. This new balloon is over

60 feet tall and weighs almost 350

pounds.

WILLARD SCOTT

We’ll have to cut back on some of

those dog biscuits.

MARY HART

And there he is now, wearing his

brand new red ice skates.

BACK TO LIVE STREET VIEW

Shot of Snoopy balloon as it is directed down the street.

WILLARD SCOTT (O.S.)

Uh-oh, looks like we have a

pedestrian who is not intimidated by

those blades.

On the street, Amanda reaches the intersection and starts to

cross the street, still not paying attention to the parade.

She doesn’t notice the giant SNOOPY balloon and its HANDLERS

headed in her direction. Martin sees this, picks up his pace,

and points at the balloon.

MARY HART (O.S.)

Wait a minute, it looks like she has

a savior.

MARTIN

Love … watch out for Snoopy …

But Amanda can’t hear with all the parade noise. Martin

rushes to the street and grabs his wife out of danger. As he

does, a strand of her hair falls in front of her face.

He brushes it back behind her ear. They laugh as Snoopy

passes safely and then they kiss.

WILLARD SCOTT (O.S)

And the young gentleman who saved her

gets a big smooch in return. I hope

her hubby’s not watching.

AMANDA

(to Martin)

I can just see the headline now –

woman crushed by a fifty foot Beagle.

Think I’m what Lucy would refer to as

a blockhead.

MARTIN

Should have been paying more

attention, Love.

AMANDA

(focusing on Martin)

I was.

Amanda hands Martin a gift-wrapped package.

AMANDA (cont’d)

Happy anniversary, Martin.

[Johnny Cullen]

JOHNNYS CHARACTER INTROS

What I learned from doing this was that introducing a character in such a precise way can really affect the oncoming dialogue and how you interpret it.

DIARMUID/ALICE AND RICHARD INTROS

INT. LIVING ROOM. NIGHT

We pull back from the screen to reveal a scrawny Diarmuid (12) gaming controller grasped in his hands, cross-legged, eyes glued to the screen. He’s completely enthralled.

Suddenly the door behind Diarmuid is opened, in walks Diarmuid’s mother ALICE (42) drunk with a chaotic sense of affection. A live, laugh, lunatic desperate for love.

ALICE

Oh Diarmuid, you’re still up! I want you to meet someone!

Diarmuid reluctantly turns his head. In walks Richard, (45) goatee, Gant shirt and chinos. If the sockless loafers weren’t screaming conman the bucket of Old spice certainly was. A porcelain white daggered smile pasted on his face.

ALICE

This is Richard! You can start calling him dad from now on! Isn’t that exciting.

Richard’s awkward smile is quickly snuffed out.

RICHARD

Don’t say that Alice, Jesus Christ.

ALICE

I’ll leave you two to get to know each other for a moment.

Alice darts out of the room, bottle of wine in hand. Richard stands looking at Diarmuid. Diarmuid stares back in total silence.

RICHARD

So what are you playing there?

DIARMUID

Emerald Fist.

RICHARD

Cool.

An awkward silence.

DIARMUID

Want to play?

We jump forward. Diarmuid and Richard are mid game – they are both struggling. Alice sits on the sofa in the background.

RICHARD

Come on! What the fuck. It’s the first round. How are we losing?

ALICE

Isn’t this nice?

DIARMUID

I think we have to work together on our tim…

RICHARD

Diarmuid your just not good enough okay?

Diarmuid dejected. Nods his head. Richard laughs. We close in on Diarmuid’s breaking the fourth wall. Eyes welling up.

MATCH CUT TO:

INT. GYMNASIUM. DAY.

Diarmuid (34) works out grimly on a treadmill in a gym, facing himself in a mirror. But no matter how fast he runs, he’s always in the one spot, never able to reach himself. We hear the inside of Diarmuid’s headphones, a deep-voiced testosterone-fuelled podcast about motivation.

PODCAST

To be the best you have to sweat, grind…You have do whatever it takes to win…

Diarmuid trips, he falls onto the treadmill like a cartoon anvil, he speeds off the end and crashes into a girl working out.

INSERT PHONE SCREEN

The scene is now a gossip page’s instagram post with the caption DISGRACED SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUCENER DIARMUID RYAN WHO BOUGHT ALL HIS FOLLOWERS FALLS HARD AT THE GYM.

EXT. STREET. DAY

We pull out of the phone to reveal Diarmuid outside the gym. He takes a breath and whispers to himself what feels like an earlier quote from the podcast.

DIARMUID

Any publicity is good publicity…

We return to the phone as a notification illuminates the screen. It’s a message from TOM AGENT.

TOM AGENT

Hey, Diarmuid, we had a dropout for Zenergise *Sad Emoji* Any chance you could come by the studio today?

Diarmuid’s luck has changed. He types furiously into his phone. Rapidly rotating between a series of emojis.

DIARMUID

Yes! *Cowboy emoji*

<hr>

KEVIN INTRO

INT. STUDIO. DAY

Diarmuid rocks into the studio for the shoot; we see the director, the client, the camera team, and another muscly influencer KEVIN. That’s right, KEVIN Creator of BuddhaBank the Zen Way To Pay. The perfect influencer he’s got it all, the looks, the confidence, the REAL followers. Diarmuid’s old classmate, idol and inspiration (and secret rival). Diarmuid shakes off the intimidation.

DIARMUID

Hey man great to see you here! We should totally duet each other on BingBong?

Diarmuid offers out his phone. Kevin look’s Diarmuid up and down.

KEVIN

Who are you?

<hr>

MAEVE INTRO (AND MODERN DAY RICHARD)

Diarmuid arrives at Richard’s house, but it looks like he’s the last to the party – GARDA CARS are parked outside the building, blue lights flashing. The Garda helicopter flies low overhead.

DIARMUID

What the…

Diarmuid runs into the house.

DIARMUID

What’s going on this is my stepdad’s gaf?

Diarmuid discovers Richard (58 now) watching helplessly as Criminal Assets Bureau Officers search the premises, carrying boxes of paperwork and computers out of his home. The seriousness of proceedings is diluted somewhat by the fact that the house is decorated for a twelve-year-old’s birthday party, and that Richard still has a paper party hat on his head.

RICHARD

(nonchalantly)

Diarmuid!

We see parents collecting their children from the party horrified. Richard waves to them as they leave.

RICHARD

See ya Charlotte!

DIARMUID

Richard what the fuck?

RICHARD

It’s just a little minor… major fraud. ​Accusation, ​I mean. Unfounded, of course. They’re making a big FUCKING DEAL OVER NOTHING.

He shouts over to the CAB officers as they walk by them.

DIARMUID

Where’s Maeve?

MAEVE (12) sits over on the couch, wearing headphones and engrossed in playing a portable game console while legal bedlam takes place around her. She’s not the type to ignore her surroundings, however – taking in every detail with an observational precision. Stubborn, lonely, and wise beyond her years.

DIARMUID

Happy Birthday!

One of the CAB officers, walks by and yanks the games console out of her hand. It might be evidence.

RICHARD

It’s been a great party all things considered. Right Maeve?

Maeve shakes her head.

RICHARD

I thought Maeve could make a few friends you know like the Moriarty’s they own a massive chain of hotels, it’s good to network early.

MAEVE

Megan Moriarty is a slut.

[Pamela Rice]

Hi Johnny,

Just read this, especially love your intro of Richard.

“If the sockless loafers weren’t screaming conman, the bucket of Old Spice certainly was. A porcelain white daggered smile pasted on his face.”

Nice! I feel like I’m in the room with him (holding my nose).

Pam

[Rae Rodgers]

REWRITE DAY #6
What I learned from this assignment:
This exercise should be done over and over to keep our characters stretching and
growing and our scenes ever changing. Great assignment.

Logline: A woman in a high-powered job marries whimsically on a first date,
knowing if her employer finds out she will get fired.

1 PROTAGONIST: JESI:

INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE (LONG BEACH) – DAY
JESI JOHNSON (35), repairs a toilet while her rugged contractor father JACKSON
(59), shouts instructions from his recliner, his foot in a cast.

JACKSON (O.S.)

Are you sure you shut off the water?

JESI

Dad! This is not my first toilet mend!

JACKSONS (O.S.)

You drained the tank?

JESI

Dad, we replumbed this house together, remember?

JACKSON (O.S.)

Then you pulled the toilet off?

JESI

Yes Dad.

JACKSON (O.S.)

Now, see that worn wax seal under the toilet bowl? Replace it with the new seal
on the counter, then drop the toilet back on.

JESI

Like I said Dad, it’s all good.

JACKSON (O.S.)

Well, if you wanna run my truck you need to know this stuff.

JESI

No worries, Dad.

(to herself)

What a mind drop.

Her cell rings. She checks the screen, frees one hand to answer.

JESI

Hey. Are we still on?

INTERCUT:

GIZELLE STEELE (35), steps out of her bathtub, drapes herself in a towel, cell in
hand. She’s black, tall and lean, Jesi’s best friend.

GIZELLE

Pine Street. Eight o’clock. Be there.

JESI

In thirty minutes! Only for you, girl.

She disconnects. Jackson is still shouting.

JACKSON (O.S)

That’s one heavy toilet, girl. Don’t strain your back.

Jesi completes the reset, wiping sweat. Rips off her T-shirt, takes a two-minute
shower. Wraps herself in a towel, lays the make-up on thick, especially her eyes,
slips into something tight and black — with an end result that is dazzling.

TIME LAPSE

Jesi zips by Jackson. He lowers his Sinatra music, cautions her.

JACKSON

Be safe out there. Take your mace.

JESI

Nah. Love you Dad. Don’t wait up.

JACKSON

He’s out there somewhere! You know it.

JESI

Dad, I’m not looking for “The One” anymore. It’s Gizelle’s birthday, that’s all.
Besides, you already know YOU are my guy.

EXT. DRIVEWAY/ THE STREET (CONTINUOUS)

Jesi light a joint, takes two hits before backing out the driveway in a large utility
truck.

PROTAGONIST: GERARD:

Gerard gets praise all around for his surgical skills, exotic looks, effortless life-style he guards so protectively. The hottest bachelor in the medical group, he’s
an enigma. At forty-two he is unmarried and without children – or so he says.

New introduction:

INT. ICU /HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – NIGHT

DR GERARD LEBLANC (42) exits ICU upset. The attending NURSE rubs his shoulder
as he leaves. He runs and stops surgeon DR. JAMES SUKI (50), in the corridor.

GERARD

Surgery went well, then post-op a blood clot goes straight to his brain. This is a
fifty-nine-year-old man who lived life to the fullest. I screwed up man, big time.

JAMES

It wasn’t you, Gerard. More likely it’s heredity, or his karma.

GERARD (in disbelief)
Karma! How the fuck do I tell that to his daughter.

JAMES
Just tell her the truth, man. You’re the best surgeon I know.

Gerard SLAMS his fist into the nearest wall.

INT. ICU – DAY

Dr. Gerard Leblanc stands beside Jesi at Jackson’s bedside. Jackson has just
passed. Jesi strokes and kisses her father’s face, gently closes his eyes.

[Jeff Reynolds]

Jeff and Character intro’s-

FADE IN: INT. MORNING GROCERY STORE DOWNTOWN SAN DIEGO

Einstein is a Grizzly Adams looking customer living a shipwrecked life at fifty one. Crazy to think that this man buying balloons and pepsi’s and picking at his nose was designed for accomplishment, engineered for success and gifted with an inventors way of thinking. A young girl is running to front of store and bumps Einstein and a young boy chasing girl hits Einstein’s hand and his balloons float to light fixture above. Einstein stares at balloons and reaches and pulls a few hairs out of his nose. In another line is Jenny Lynn Hedgewood giving Einstein a look. She’s a pretty forty year old human cleaning dynamo dressed like she just jumped out of the mother of the year catalog and her work with a smile can do attitude turns the impossible into the possible. She jumps into action and pushes box to Einsteins line grabs broom and hops up on counter then higher shelving and reaches balloons with broom and pulls them down. Hands balloons to Einstein and wipes down counter and goes back to her line. Dude a young twenty year old homeless who’s scruffy exterior makes it nearly impossible to see his potential greatness and his ability to encourage the world. Dude is buying a small bag of dog food and pack of hot dogs filled with chili. Einstein is paying and takes big drink finishing one of his Pepsi’s. Jen receives her change in metal dispensary but drops some coins on floor and immediately drops to her knees to retrieve them. Einstein kicks one of the quarters out the door while giving the kids two of his balloons. Einstein is outside and Dude is digging in trash can in front of a row of condemned burnt down buildings called the love shack. Einstein puts his empty bottle on ledge near trash can along with all the coins in his pocket. Einstein ties balloon to handlebar of dude’s bike. Jen sees this and picks up quarter from ground and puts it on ledge. She then puts one slice of cake on ledge. Einstein hands her balloon. Dude pops his head up and for a second Einstein Jen and the Dude all look at each other. Balloons say Love Does It Again.

What I learned-

It’s okay to introduce my characters in a big way. I am still working on the first scene but have made some big changes introducing all three main characters in the grocery store. There is no dialog and I like the idea that we may have run into friends before actually being friends. My first wife and I grew up in the same town but never met. I often wondered if we were in the movies at the same time or store and maybe said hi to one another.

[Pamela Rice]

Pam’s Character Intro

WHAT I LEARNED: although my original plan for the “murder-witness” scene (below) is hopefully entertaining, it does not highlight Henri’s Character Traits. I’ve added a “precursor” scene to appear just before it, to serve as the official Protag Intro. But I still need to add more character into the murder-witness scene (as it is not going away).

– – – – – – – – –

<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>CORE TRAITS: Ridiculously Vain, Materialistic, Witty/Sarcastic, Creative/Artsy, Caring

Old Beats

– Henri pulls up to movie star Bradley James’ house in Malibu. He’s been sent on an errand to drop off some “important” hair product.

– He sees Bradley walk towards front door of his house, tries to get his attention.

– Bradley does not see him, walks inside.

– From the driveway, Henri looks into the window and witnesses a man shoot and kill Bradley.

– Henri ducks behind a Yucca plant to hide as the hitman exits out the back door.

– Hitman sees his car and memorable “STYLIN” vanity plate parked near his SVU. Looks back at the house and spots Henri.

– Henri and Hitman lock eyes. A foot chase ensues.

New Beats

– Henri is in slow-moving rush-hour traffic. Show “STYLIN” California Vanity plate on his spotless, new convertible.

– He primps when car is stopped. Adjusts his “sun-kissed” hair, brushes teeth with finger.

– Flirts as attractive women pass by in their cars.

– Adjusts his bright-colored shirt, can’t decide on number of buttons to unbutton. Gets caught looking at himself in mirror by the adjacent driver. Laughs it off. But traffic isn’t moving, and he’s stuck with his embarrassment.

– Grabs one of the “Modeling Glue” hair product tubes out of a plastic salon shopping bag; he does an impromptu commercial.

– We learn he’s on a hair product errand that’s more important to his boss than to him — as he does an impression of his boss to pass the time.

– Traffic finally moves, Henri gets off on his exit. This leads us to Bradley James’ house.

– – – – – – – – – – – – –

TANGLED UP (Rom-Com / Thriller)

FADE IN:

INT. / EXT. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA FREEWAY – DAY

In a sea of bumper-to-bumper traffic, a spotless convertible with a lone passenger crawls ahead. California Vanity plate: “STYLIN.”

HENRI BERGER, early 30’s, is good-looking and knows it. He should, he puts in a lot of work. His painstakingly “sun-kissed” hair sways in the breeze — when the rush hour mob moves, that is. He flashes his pearly-whites as attractive women slowly pass by.

Now at a full stop, he checks his reflection in his rearview. Pulls down his mirrored sunglasses to get a better look. Readjusts his upwardly styled bed-head hair to look even more casual. “Brushes” his teeth with his finger.

He looks down at his brightly-colored Ralph Lauren shirt. Unbuttons the top button. And then another. Checks the result in his side-view mirror, then decides to go back up a button.

He suddenly realizes that the man in the Hybrid to his left has been watching him curiously. Henri shrugs it off and laughs while they are stalled side-by-side.

Henri grabs a tube of hair product from the “MARC RICHE SALON” shopping bag on the passenger seat. He holds it up and studies it.

Close on product label: “MARC RICHE SALON – MODELING GLUE – ULTIMATE HAIR GEL.” Henri holds the tube next to his cheek and looks back over at Hybrid Man.

HENRI
(in a cheesy announcer voice)
Modeling Glue — trusted by top models
around the globe.
(raises his eyebrows)
Imagine what it could do for you.

Hybrid Man just shakes his head and looks away. Henri puts the product tube back in the bag, looks straight ahead and sighs.

HENRI
(smugly, as if
mimicking someone)

“Henri — could you be a dear
and run some of Bradley’s
favorite out to his house?”
(clasps his hands)
“He’d be eternally grateful.”

Henri suddenly brightens as traffic begins to move again. Hands back on the wheel, his convertible finds its way to the Malibu exit.

[Aurora AURORA Harris HARRIS]

Aurora’s Character Intro Beats-

What I learned: is that I have to remember to start off with a strong character intro. This caused me to revaluate (or better understand?) my protagonist and go back and work with his profile. I decided he had the renaissance quality known as “sprezzatura” which is an innate (or in some cases a studied) nonchalance that makes a difficult tasks look easy.

The Book of Trouble Logline: The CEO of an international ranching conglomerate, struggling to understand the sudden deaths of all his adult children and collapse of his enterprise, is kidnapped by remaining board members to pressure him to admit he is culpable.

Opening Beats:

It’s a festive and crowded party on the MacFarlane estate in Rosario, Argentina. The mayor, followed by the local press, is arriving. Red headed, JOHN MACFARLANE (55) sits stalwart and deep in the saddle in the middle of a polo game, as his mount lunges, bucking wildly. The crazed polo pony kicks the wooden polo ball out of the air and in for a winning goal. Effortlessly dismounting, his sweaty horse snatched away by a groom, adoration on the lucky goal swirls around John. His teammates, two red haired sons (30’s) and a red haired daughter(28) are still mounted and breathing hard, as they tap knuckles with him, as he coolly saunters on . SAMUEL, eldest son: “Pops, told you not to buy that horse”. John smiles, “…my new favorite.” John stops briefly to kiss his wife, BARBARA sitting with a lively group sitting on the veranda, around a Jenga game of towering wooden bricks. Barbara, “Help me, John. LUCIEN, your clever protégé, has stolen all the easy options and boxed me in. Impossible for me to win, now. John plucks out an improbable game piece, the wooden tower sways but is superhumanly suspended. Once touched by Lucien, the tower CRASHES, amid merry laughter.

John opens a heavy wooden door marked “Private” and slips a “Do not Disturb – Papi in Prayer” sign on the handle. In his wood and leather study, boldly, he stands, feet apart, his face tilted up and hands tucked behind his waist.He prays, thanking God and asking for guidance in his acceptance speech. Lena (9) from the orphanage, interrupts from the shadows. She has disheveled blonde hair and a smudged uniform. He graciously entertains her. “Does God love you? (She speaks stilted English with a Spanish accent). “Why certainly?” “How can you know?” “Look around, I am so blessed with all He provides, including a new friend in you.” He takes her hand and leads her out. Come, lets meet the Mayor. Senora Mercedes will be looking for us.

EXT- DAIS under trees- John and Lena with the small town local mayor, with a backdrop of a silent band in stylized gaucho pants. John speaks in English with sub-titles in Spanish on the screen. John thanks the mayor for the key to city, and acknowledges its all been just another blessing to him from God to have the orphanage. He says : “Lena, this little girl from the orphanage was specially sent to tell him to remind everyone that God loves and will bless them.”

INT BAR- TV SCREEN-DAY

A shadow figure sits in a leather chair before a TV, watching John and Lena on screen. “ I am going to destroy that man. And what a beautiful child, I must have that girl. See to it”. Juan Carlo: Yes, boss”.

[Rebecca Jordan]

Rebecca’s character intros, Day #6

What I learned doing this assignment is that there’s always another probably better choice. I got a lot out of this assignment, as it helped me find a much richer opening that throws us right into the story with sympathy/empathy. It also solved problems with and gave purpose to Paul’s role. And gave permission for a completely different and better conversation to happen between them that serves the story and theme way better.

1st Intro beats

Character: Rachel/Protagonist

Act 1

EXT. FESTIVAL – EVENING

STAGE

Live MUSIC. CROWD hugs the stage, dancing and singing along, cheering.

RACHEL, 50’s, Puerto Rican American, long hair, dressed hip with a 70’s flair, poised center stage. Accompanied by her BAND, they rock out the last notes of their final encore! (suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or Soldier On, MF).

Crowd cheers swell.

BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT

Paul convinces Rachel to come to the after party instead of going home to work on her memoir.

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Rachel changes her mind about the party. Drives home.

***NEW OPENING: Moved inciting event to just before the opening; helped create a reputation for Rachel, as well as tension, sympathy and anticipation. Also let us see more of who Rachel and Paul, love interest, is, by his reaction to Rachel, right off the bat. So I inadvertently created a much better intro for Paul’s character. I had thought my opening was pretty cool, but it didn’t say much about the characters or situation. The new opening gives more insight into the characters and raises the stakes and curiosity right away. And I don’t really need to change much structure at all with this new adjustment.

2nd Inro beats

Rachel/Protagonist

Act 1

EXT. FESTIVAL – DUSK

STAGE

The orange sky looms beyond the stage where BAND members take their places. The MC, at the mic center stage, enthusiastically introduces the band. Cheers from the eager crowd swell.

AUDIENCE

DRUMMER, stoic with focus of a cat, starts a slow sexy familiar beat. A rumble of recognition as the crowd closes in on the stage.

2. BACK STAGE, PARKING LOT

PAUL, 50’s, lead guitarist, a tall drink of true blue, leggy with a subtle rock star swagger, appears from the stage and looks out… Just as a pick up truck, clearly used for farming, screeches into the lot and slams into a spot. Paul flies down the stairs with purpose.

It’s RACHEL, 50’s, a bat out of hell, jumps out of her truck, buttons up her shirt. And though she is dressed like a rock star with a 70’s vibe, she is disheveled with spills of white, red and black paint dried on her face and hands and in her unruly mane of hair. She flips her head over, combs it out with her fingers and tosses it back. Grabs her hairspray from the truck and sprays a quick circle around her head.

Paul swoops in, automatically unloads Rachel’s gig bag from the truck. Rachel grabs her guitar, runs alongside Paul toward the stage where the beat of the drums continue to seduce the restless patrons.

PAUL

You okay?

RACHEL

I will be.

PAUL

You have a shit ton of paint in your hair.

RACHEL

Yea. Sorry. My Uncle Ben shot himself in the head.

PAUL

Holy crap.

RACHEL

He’s dead.

PAUL

… I’m so sorry.

RACHEL

Oh well.

At the backstage stairs. Rachel gets her guitar from the bag while Paul grabs the rest of her gear.

RACHEL

Oh my God! I have to pee so bad!

They run up the stairs and onto the stage. Crowd goes nuts.

EXT. FESTIVAL – NIGHT

MUSIC. The band rocks out their final encore! (Suggested: Rebels by Tom Petty, or original Soldier On).

AUDIENCE

A wavy sea of lighters sway back and forth and dance in the dark to the rhythm of the MUSIC. The tide rolls in and hugs the stage as the song erupts to its finish.

STAGE

Rachel, statuesque center stage, resembles a triumphant warrior in one of her own paintings. Her tambourine held high quivers to a climax. Rachel belts her last note. Band follows with an extended flourish. Budump!!

The crowd howls and chants for more. “One more! One more!”

RACHEL

Thank you everyone! You’re awesome. Thanks for having us here. It’s been a great pleasure playing for you tonight. See you next time. You rock!

On their way off, the Band bows and waves. More excitement from the crowd.

BACK STAGE

A blocked off parking lot. A latrine. Gear. Coolers filled with beer and water. CREW hustles to strike and reset for the next act. The band mates crack open beers. Load out their gear. Various, “Great show everyone.” “Awesome job.” “Let’s do it again.” “Next week!”

Rachel grabs two beers from the cooler. Pops one open. Guzzles. Packs up her guitar, gig bag. Paul zips up one of several guitar bags and head back to the stage. A hand on Rachel’s shoulder. She gasps. Takes his hand.

EXT. PAUL’S HOUSE – LATER

YARD

Small party. Band mates, wives and a couple of friends sit around a fire pit spouting off. Getting loud at times. Laughing.

DRIVEWAY

Paul leans over the open window of Rachel’s truck talking to her. She starts the engine. Leans back to look at Paul.

PAUL

I’m glad you came.

etc….

Rachel laughs, puts the truck in reverse. Paul joins her in this laugh at his expense. Truck backs down and out of the driveway. Paul waves.

_____________________________________________________

1st Intro beats

Character: Beth/Mom/Antagonist

I’m still brainstorming options for this intro. I really kind of like it as it is; however, I’m sure I can find ways to elevate elements. Beth/Mom’s character trickles out for the sake of suspense. Before this intro, there is a snapshot of young MOM smiling with young Rachel and Willy. This next intro is Mom and her brother, (R’s Uncle Ben, who we know has just committed suicide) being referred to, BUILDING REPUTATION – we find out that R has inherited both of their artistic talent. Then the following scene introduces young Mom with more unlikeable traits and reveals her relationship or lack there of with Rachel, BUILDING MORE REPUTATION.

HILLARY

You know your Mom and your Uncle Ben are both really good artists too. Have you seen your Uncle’s drawings?

RACHEL

Yea. He’s really good. There’s one he promised to give me when I get older.

RACHEL

The one with the soldiers… from when he was in the service… with my Dad. It’s like… a colored pencil drawing.

HILLARY

I’ve seen that one. It’s really good.

RACHEL

Yea. I love it. I think the soldiers in it are supposed to be him and my Dad.

HILLARY

I think you’re right. They were best friends when they were in the service.

RACHEL

Yea.

Hillary

Well you keep it up. You’re a very talented and smart young lady.

Rachel blushes.

HILLARY

Maybe you can draw something for your Mom.

Rachel looks down. Shrugs.

RACHEL

I guess.

INT. HIGH RISE APT, HALLWAY – DAY 1974

A long hallway with two elevators. Rachel and Hillary carrying a suitcase and bags head toward the end of the hall. Rachel get her keys out. Opens the door to her apartment.

An elevator door opens from down the hall. BETH, Rachel’s Mom, 28, petite, blonde appears. She is propped up in a desk chair on wheels, with her leg in a giant cast stretched out in front of her. EARL, a uniformed door man, 50’s, and lanky, rolls Beth down the hallway.

HILLARY

Good Lord Beth! You didn’t mention the broken leg. What the heck?

INT. HIGH RISE APT – CONTINUOUS

Rachel already inside, sees Beth, waves and quickly runs into the apartment.

BETH

Hi Honey!

Rachel runs crying into her room and shuts the door. Earl rolls Beth in.

BETH

Aren’t you gonna say hi to your ole’ mom?

HILLARY

I think the cast is a little scary. You could’ve given her a heads up. Jeez Beth.

BETH

That’s nonsense! She’s always so emotional.

HILLARY

Beth, she’s a kid. She hasn’t seen you in a couple months.

BETH

She’s fine.

RACHEL

She’s ten.

Earl helps Mom off the chair and onto the couch. Leaves her things on the table.

BETH

Thank you Earl.

EARL

You’re welcome, Miss Beth. You ladies take care now. We’ll have the rest of your luggage sent up in a bit.

BETH

Couldn’t have made it up with out you.

HILLARY

Bye Earl. Take care.

EARL

You too Dear.

Earl waves and is gone.

BETH

Oh, hand me my bag would ya? I’ll show you the self portraits I drew. That was my therapy in the hospital.

Beth pulls out a sketch pad.

BETH

Rachel, come on out here honey. I want to show you something.

Beth shows Hillary her drawings. They’re dark contemporary/surreal self portraits drawn with ink markers, mostly black. Rachel enters hesitantly. Stands close to Hillary.

BETH

Don’t I get a hug?

Rachel, sheepishly goes to hug Mom and sits down next to her. She is sad.

BETH

Smile honey. You look miserable.

Rachel looks at Hillary. Tries to smile.