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Day 6 Assignments
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7 Replies
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Brad’s punchlines
What I learned from this assignment is the value of running a scene through the 10 point punchline generator.
EXT. CAPE KENNEDY (VIP VIEWING BLEACHERS) – DAY
The VIP bleachers are full, except for two empty spaces next to Martha. She discreetly looks around for the missing duo.
P.A. ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
T-minus one minute.
Smitten with the moment, a VIP WOMAN next to Martha leans in.
VIP WOMAN
Such brave men.
INT. COMMAND MODULE – CONTINUOUS
Swift frees his right arm and lands across Dan’s lap. It’s a battle of gloved astronaut hands for the handle…
…Dirk piles on. He tries to pull Swift off Dan…
SMACK
…Helmets collide. Dirk might even tear Swift’s spacesuit.
DIRK
We’re Don… Donaldson’s… kids.
The struggle stops.
SWIFT
You’re Donaldson’s –?
DAN
— Yeah.
DIRK
Uh-huh.
(Beat)
SWIFT
Well, you’re going to the moon!
And just as quickly as it stopped, the battle is back on…
…Dan is pinned in his seat by the two bodies on top of him…
…Swift has both hands on the abort handle and protects it with his life…
…Dirk, on top of Swift pulls at the back of his spacesuit…
…Dan points to the control panel.
DAN
Punch some buttons!
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DIRK
Absurd Request: No, give him a wedgie.
Comparison: Punch like “Punch!”? Or do you mean more like a gentle, precise tap?
Exaggeration: Why don’t I just punch him in the head?
Insult: I should punch you for getting us into this mess.
Metaphor: How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?
Misinterpretation: It’s a zipper.
Parody: To punch or not to punch? Wasn’t that Shake-some-beer?
Rename: Who are you, Super Dan?
Reversal: Says the guy who protests violence.
Understatement: Or I could just press them gently.
I like misinterpretation best as the punchline of this scene.
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Assignment 6 – Writing Funny Lines
Ira Drower’s funny punchlines.
What I learned from this lesson is there are many types of punchlines that can work for any set-up. The key is to try as many as possible until there is one that works best for your scene.
I also re-visited the logline for character.
In this scene from my script: “The Fashionista and the Cabbie” the following loglines were created.
Helen – A fashion maven who became famous making fashions for pets and animals but cannot design correct proportions for people.
Frank is a cab driver who uses Google maps application providing directions in French which he cannot understand.
Mick is a former mob associate now a sadistic tailor.
Jennifer is a perpetual intern in love with a mannequin.
The scene takes place after Mick and Jennifer hastily dress Frank in extremely tight-fitting clothes. He must model them in front of Helen’s investors.
INT. MEETING ROOM INTERCONTINENTAL – DAY
Jennifer and Mick push Frank into the room where Mr. Borrows,
his three assistants, and Helen drink champagne.
HELEN
Are here he is. I present to
you New-Man fashions. Guaranteed to
make a statement with any man. And impress any woman.
Frank slides across the tile floor waving his arms for
balance.
FRANK
I can’t bend my knees.
Jennifer and Mick push Frank along the floor in front of the
investor group. Helen grabs Frank by the lapels.
HELEN
Are you trying to embarrass me? You
are modeling New-Man fashions. You
are supposed to glide across the
floor gracefully. (SETUP)
Punchlines: All by Frank
Absurd Request: Cut me, Mick
Comparison: This isn’t a suit. It’s a pressure cooker and my nuts are roasting.
Exaggeration: I should have Mick cut out my skeleton and pour what’s left of me into this suit. It might fit better.
Insult: Do you design clothes for a broom stick?
Metaphor: I know now how Frankenstein walks.
Misinterpret: I said Grace just before they pushed me in.
Parody: Just attach a string to my belt and use me as a pull toy.
Rename: New-Man? This should be called Dead-Man.
Rename2: New-Man? This design should be called Ex-Man.
Rename3: New-Man? You should call this thing No-Man. Because no man can wear it.
Reversal: You’re right. The life hasn’t been squeezed out of me, yet. It’s probably too late for any future progeny.
Understated: Am I supposed to feel my legs or my feet? Are they still there?
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Denice’s Punchlines
What I learned doing this assignment is how important the various punchlines are in taking me deeper into comedy.
INT. ELSIE’S LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Will peers over Elsie’s shoulder.
She points to a map lying on the table in front of her.
ELSIE
This is a map of the Denver and Rio Grande Western railway system. I’ll be getting on here in Colorado Springs. You’ll be waiting by the Arkansas River here with the mules.
WILL
Horses are faster.
ELSIE
Mules are better in the mountains.
WILL
Gold is heavy.
ELSIE
I’m blowing up the safes and the gold.
WILL
What?
ELSIE
To distract the Pinkerton men. I want the jewelry from the passengers.
WILL
Too dangerous. They’ll catch you.
ELSIE
They’ll be looking for a man.
WILL
With bags like a cow?
Punchlines:
Absurd Request: I’ll dress up as your dying mother and beg for money for an operation.
Comparison: You’re scary—like a bad dream with wrinkles.
Exaggeration: I’ve never known anyone with the confidence of God.
Insult: Methusela in cowboy boots.
Metaphor: With bags like a cow?
Misinterpretation: Which outlaw do you want to be killed as?
Parody: We’ll be perfect as President Arthur and his wife.
Rename: Gentleman Boss, I salute you.
Reversal: I forgot, you’re the expert, I’m only a real man.
Understatement: You’ll be the Belle Starr of the ball.
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Title: Amanda Avalon’s punchlines
What I learned from this assignment is techniques for punchlines.
INT. FLOWER SHOP – DAY
Stuart (50s) is selecting a flower bouquet in a small corner flower store. Abby (late-30s) is busy with making a bouquet. Stuart is seemingly helpless, so she puts her bouquet aside and approaches Stuart.
ABBY
Hi, can I help you?
Stuart is relived, but a bit nervous.
STUART
Yes. I need to get nice flowers.
ABBY
What’s the occasion?
STUART
Umm… that’s a bit personal, don’t you think?
ABBY
No, I meant.. is if it’s for a funeral or something. But I’ll assume it’s for your wife?
STUART
Yes.
ABBY
What’s her favorite color?
STUART
Pink.
Abby nods and starts to collect some flowers and shows them to Stuart.
The door opens. Stuart quickly glimpses towards the door. He is horrified to see his wife, SARAH (late 40s). Abby shouts a warm hi and turns to collect more flowers.
Sarah looks surprised and walks over to Stuart.
SARAH
Hi, darling…
(gives Stuart a kiss)
what are you doing here? I thought you’re on a business trip.
STUART
Umm… yeah… It got cancelled. But I’m gonna have to leave tomorrow.
SARAH
And you decided to surprise me and get me flowers.
Abby is done collecting the flowers and turns to show Stuart the bouquet.
ABBY
Here! All your wife’s favorite flowers!
Sarah takes a long look at the flowers.
SARAH
(to Stuart)
My favorite flowers… You know I love yellow roses. Besides, pink doesn’t go with our furniture!
Abby looks defeated.
STUART
Sorry, darling… Why don’t you go home? I’ll be there in a bit and I’ll get you your yellow roses.
Sarah kisses Stuart happily and waltzes off.
ABBY
I’ll make a new bouquet.
Stuart starts to pace in the small shop.
STUART
Shit! Dammit it.
ABBY
Oh. These aren’t for her?
STUART
No. And yes, I know. I’m a horrible person. I have a wife… and a girlfriend.
(gets striked with an idea)
Can I have two for one?
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Anthony Ward’s punchlines
What I learned doing this assignment is to explore the 10 figures of speech to come up with the best punchline for my comedy.
INT. PICKUP TRUCK – DAY
Juan and Jay ride inside an old beat up pickup truck. They are both dressed in work clothes and boots. Jay is driving and Juan rides shotgun. Jay is trying to have a conversation, Juan does not want to participate.
JAY
Any relation to Mel Farr?
JUAN
What?
JAY
Are you related to Mel Farr? You know Mel Farr superstar?
JAUN
Never heard of him.
JAY
No? He was a running back for the Detroit Lions back in the 70’s. He later had a couple of car dealerships around the city.
JAUN
Nope. Can’t say that I ever heard of him. Was he French?
JAY
Nah he was black.
JUAN
Spell his last name?
JAY
Far or Farr.
JAUN
My last name is spelled Farre.
JAY
Oh. Any relation the painter Gore’ Farre?
Absurd Request: Juan tells Jay to stick this conversation “Farre” up his ass.
Comparison: Juan ask Jay is he’s related to that pesky gnat flying around in the back seat.
Exaggeration: Juan tells Jay if he doesn’t let him have it quiet before the job he will grab the steering wheel and drive both of them off a cliff. Jay tells him there are no cliffs in Detroit.
Insult: Juan tells Jay he is requesting to be partnered with someone else. He is tired of his need to make trivial conversation to disguise his lack of intellect.
Metaphor: Juan reaches into his pocket and removes a hundred dollar bill. He tells Jay he can hit the jackpot if you just shut up. Jay pauses and looks at the bill Juan is holding. Jay breaks the silence and ask if it’s real.
Misinterpretation: Juan does no say a word. He removes his seatbelt, unlocks the door and jumps out of the moving truck.
Parody:
Rename: Look Barbra Walters this ain’t 2020. Can we chill with all the questions?
Reversal: Juan says; Let me ask you Jay, is your radio broke or something? You haven’t shut up since I met you 3 weeks ago. No body cares about your cheating ex wife or your gothic confused daughter.
Understatement: Juan ask Jay if he can turn the truck back around. He’s not feeling good. Jay ask Juan what’s wrong and Juan tells him he’s sick of him running off at the mouth.
I think the one that fits best with my script is Absurd request.
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Janeen’s Punchlines
What I learned doing this assignment is this is a great list I’ll keep handy while writing!
SCENE:
INT. SHOPPING MALL HALLWAY – DAY
IVY, a Secret Service agent who is inept, but via good luck and the work of the President’s parents she guards, has things go in her favor, is talking on the phone to her tech support person.
JOY, the tech support specialist is great at her job, but lives vicariously through Ivy’s action and romance filled life.
IVY
Check out this mall Santa for me, will you?
JOY
Send me a picture.
IVY
(suspicious)
Why?
JOY
(See below)
2. Punchlines:
Absurd Request — I want to see a picture of Santa. I’ve never met him in person, but if he’s hot, you can introduce me.
Comparison — Because if he looks like your notion of boyfriend material, I’m going to recommend you have your head examined.
Exaggeration — Because if he caught your eye, he must be the hottest Santa ever.
***Insult — Because you have horrible taste in men and I want to see if it extends to mall Santas.
Metaphor — Is this a “check out this potential date” check or a “this guy is dangerous” check?
Misinterpretation — I can’t check out someone I can’t see. I need a picture to see if he’s hot enough for you to date or if he’s a serial rapist on the ten most wanted list.
Parody — Because you asked me to check him out.
Rename — Just do it, Helpless Damsel
Reversal — You’re right, I don’t need anything to go on to check someone out. Never mind.
Understatement — Purile curiosity, that’s all. Never mind.
3. I like the Insult best — Because you have hour bye taste in men and I want to see it if extends to mall Santas.
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Joe’s punchlines…
What I learned is that quite often I already have the punchline I want to deliver thought up, but to make it stronger, I have to go back and tweak the setup so there is more buildup. In the first draft of this scene, there is much less chatter and “intelligent” discussion within the group before Tom’s final sarcastic Zombie line.
The setup is simple: its a team of various experts on a search for bigfoot, all of whom were hired by Pete who is a fervent believer. Tom is his non-believing brother who is only there because he promised his Dad he’d watch over Pete.
EXT. NONDESCRIPT TRAIL – DAY
The group hike in single file. Sams leads the way with a machete, which excites both Pete and Tom… And Kyle and Merlin and Bradley. Everyone except Emily.
The drone flies slowly above them. They hear a SCREECH.
There is an large bird of prey on a tree far away (condor, eagle, hawk, vulture).
Merlin raises the drone slowly.
KYLE
(looking at monitor)
I think it’s a condor! I’m going in closer.
Drone Monitor shows the bird holding a slender pale object in its beak. It stares back at the drone.
PETE
I think its intrigued by the lens. I bet it thinks its another bird. What do you think Poetone?
Puts the object down and starts squawking at the drone.
POETONE
I would think it would have flown away by now. It’s probably protecting something, like a nest.
KYLE
I don’t see a nest.
EMILY
Can you get a closer look at whatever it had in its beak?
The drone goes closer, the bird starts squawking louder, but seems to be guarding the object.
PETE
Merlin back off.
Merlin looks at Kyle.
KYLE
(sighs)
Yeah, do it.
Merlin reluctantly backs the drone off. The bird calms down. The group relaxes overall. Except for Pete.
TOM
Ask it if it’s seen bigfoot.
TOM
I mean, I’m sure it has right? Soaring high, excellent vision. Maybe it protects him. Maybe that’s why it doesn’t like the drone. Maybe bigfoot pays him in cornnuts to distract humans from his secret lair.
PETE
OK wise-ass.
Pete grabs the tranqulizer gun out of Tom’s holster, points and shoots.
It misses the bird and bounces off the tree. The bird screeches and flies away revealing the object wedged in between the branches of the tree.
TOM
(to Pete)
Was that really necessary?
PETE
Did it shut you up?
POETONE
It’s not a nest. It wouldn’t have left.
PETE
Good. Merlin go in for a closeup on the object.
Merlin, in all his glory, flies the drone up and in, getting excellent footage of the object.
The group crowds around the monitor. Pete lets Emily take his place closest to the screen, which pleases her, which pleases Pete.
SAMS
I think its a bone.
EMILY
But what kind?
SAMS
Maybe a rib?
PETE
Could it be a bigfoot rib?
TOM
Sure… if bigfoots exist and birds of prey know where they bury their dead, and the sacred bigfoot burial grounds are located nearby-
PETE
Poetone! What do you think?
POETONE
If bigfoots exist, they got ribs, right? Why are they any different than a bear rib or a wolf rib or a deer rib?
EMILY
Or a primate rib.
KYLE
But there are no other primates in America.
SAMS
Except humans. And if condors have access to their ribs, then we’re specifically talking about dead ones.
TOM
Wait!
They turn to him.
TOM
What about zombies? Could be a zombie rib right? Better yet, what about bigfoot zombies? Did anyone here ever think about the possibility that could be a bigfoot zombie rib up in that tree?
Emily smirks.
PETE
Ok that’s enough!
TOM
I’m just sayin-
PETE
Sayin’ nothing helpful. Look its way too high to get to anyway, so why don’t we just move on. Lets find a place to camp.
A dejected Pete walks on past Tom. The others follow. Kyle and Merlin send unapproving glares Tom’s way. Emily pulls Pete aside.
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