Day 6 Assignments

[Lois Wickstrom]

I’m the only one in this class who is up to this point. I don’t know how to tell if my script has problems — I need to swap manuscripts with another student. I can’t go further until some other students catch up. There are only 9 of us in this class and only 4 of us are regularly doing the assignments.

[Lisa Molenda]

Lisa Completed grid P/S #1

I added some setups and intrigue and I moved some things around to follow the format for A story, B story, C story. I also had too much dialogue in different parts, so I changed it to show more instead of talking. I also added some funny dialogue I thought of along the way. It still needs more since it’s a comedy, but it will come to me eventually. This is so exciting! My pilot is coming right along.

[Brenda Clarke]

6. STACKING INTRIGUE:
I was rather pleased to find that I already had some stacked intrigue within the outline and I can develop these with each rewrite.

INTRIGUING WORLD: 1830’s England, small rural town of Gloucestershire

MYSTERY: Maid Rosie goes missing

STRANGE BEHAVIOR: Mrs. Wright notices her daughters change in behaviour since their maid has not returned home after her day off.

Act 1: In a panic, Harriet mounts her horse and heads to town to search for Rosie

INTRIGUE: why is Harriet extremely concerned about her missing maid?

SECRET: Is Rosie or Harriet hiding something?

STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: Rosie and Tilly were last seen getting on a coach to Bristol

Act 2: Harriet is directed to the Coach House, where the girls were last seen

INTRIGUING WORLD: 1830”s “Molly House” where homosexual men met socially and had the opportunity to sleep with one another in secret.

INTRIGUE: why was the Molly House raided the very morning Elliot happened to be spending the night with Richard?

WOUND: Elliot physically is injured when he jumps from the veranda to the ground. Act 2: Elliot escapes through a window but Richard is arrested
STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: for a grown man to lock himself in his room
SECRET: Elliot is a closeted homosexual

Act 3: Elliot locks himself in his room
STRANGE BEHAVIOUR: Harriet suddenly neglects her animals/business

INTRIGUE: Mrs. Wright can’t work out why her daughter is suddenly desperate to find their maid.

Act 4: Harriet now goes to Bristol in search of Rosie

HIDDEN LAYER: is there something behind the invitation to the Molly House?

DECEPTION: Has Elliot been set up? By Whom and Why?

Act 5: Elliot ponders over Richards’ invitation to “Molly House” wonders if they were set up and . . .

SECRET: Rosie seduces her mistress one evening in the stables. INTRIGUE: 1830’s life of LGBTQ individuals

Act 5: Harriet dream reveals that she and Rosie are lovers.

[Brenda Clarke]

Once again made a boo boo by placing an answer in the wrong section!OOPS!

COMPLETING GRID#1

Problem 1, Weak Teaser. Solution: rewrite to make something intriguing, whereby I now show the protagonist committing a crime, which should hook the viewers into wanting to know more about this woman.

Problem 2. Structure Acts. I realised I didn’t introduce the main protagonists well. Solution to show both Harriet and Elliot in their normal day to day worlds and this will show the great divide between the English Aristocracy, the middle class and the lower class. This will give the audience a better SET UP of who these people are.

Problem 3. Cliff Hanger at the end of the pilot wasn’t strong enough. Solution, what I wrote was very good but it was in the wrong order. I changed over two scenes so that I now have a very strong HOOK to conclude the pilot!

Loving the process, as I am very confident that every pass I do in Module 4 will only increase the quality of my pilot! 🙂