-
Day 6 Assignments
Reply to post assignment.
-
10 Replies
-
DAY 6 Uncertainty (part 2)
Lisa’s Hope/Fear in action
What I learned is the back and forth of the hope and fear adds depth to the scenes. It allows all the characters participate because they all have a point of view…hope or fear.
PETER WINTERS
Traits: Depressed, Kind, Lost, Desperate
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of failure and of losing his business; Afraid of losing his daughters; Afraid of not living up to his “hero” status
Character Logline: Peter is a war veteran hero who is about to lose his snowmobile business due to no snowfall, and he knows that Santa Claus is real from his time in the government, so he will use that knowledge to try to save his business.
TILLY MILLS
Traits: Serious, Realist, Helpful
Subtext: Stability: Wants a lasting relationship
Character Logline: Tilly is Peter’s girlfriend and sister to Mary who is trying hard to help Peter and move their relationship along.
SANTA CLAUS
Traits: Jolly, Concerned, Loyal
Subtext: Love: Wants to pull off Christmas without a hitch
Character Logline: Santa Claus must deliver presents all over the world on Christmas eve.
Situation: Peter has kidnapped Santa Claus and Tilly is there to make sure he doesn’t hurt Santa. They have jumped a freight train going from the Canadian border to Seneca Falls, NY.
Goal: Peter will have Santa go down chimneys and steal gifts, then he has a guy, Sower who will sell the gifts for him and give him the money. If Santa won’t do it, Peter will get him to tell him how he does it, so he can do it himself…or else he will tell the world that Santa is real.
Main Threat: If Santa gets away then the plan is over. Getting caught. Dash and Don from NORAD are on their tails, but Peter and Tilly don’t know it. But Santa knows because he signaled to Mrs. Claus to contact them as he was being kidnapped.
INT-FREIGHT TRAIN-DAY
Peter, Tilly, and Santa have hopped a freight train. The doors are open and it’s a beautifully warm day.
Tilly takes a water bottle out of her backpack and gives Santa some water.
(HOPE)
She offers some to Peter who pushes it away.
(FEAR)
TILLY
(to Santa) Are you doing, okay?
(HOPE)
Santa shakes his head, yes.
PETER
Stop it.
(FEAR)
SANTA
What life must be like for someone who doesn’t smile. Our pasts often keep us from moving forward. Maybe you’d like to talk about it, Peter?
(HOPE)
PETER
No, I would not like to talk about it. There’s too much talking!
(FEAR)
SANTA
What you went through must have been horrific. But you saved all of those men and women in your unit. You are a true hero, Peter!
(HOPE)
PETER
Stop talking! I don’t want to hear about my heroism!
(FEAR)
SANTA
(to Tilly) Seems I’ve hit a nerve. Okay. Then how about those two lovely daughters of yours? Janie and Ruthie, you’ve done a wonderful job with them.
(HOPE)
PETER
That was Mary, not me. I did nothing.
(FEAR)
SANTA
You were there, trying every day, Peter. Janie and Ruthie are crazy about you. They are lucky to have their father in their lives. I know! I see single parents out there working overtime to be both father and mother to their children. And orphans who have no parents and are suffering. Your daughters are well adjusted and that’s as much you, as Mary.
(HOPE)
PETER
That’s a nice sentiment Santa, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve lost my wife and I’m soon to lose my shop and then it’s only a matter of time before I’ll lose my daughters too!
(FEAR)
Santa looks at Tilly who shakes her head.
SANTA
Tilly, do you think Peter is a loser?
TILLY
What? Uh, no Santa, I think he’s been through a lot and needs our compassion.
(HOPE)
PETER
I see what you’re trying to do. I’m not falling for your sap. Either one of you.
(FEAR)
SANTA
You touch lots of lives Peter. Let’s see…I can think of Ma Jenkins who you’re helping fix up that old Victorian of hers. Or there’s the pastor Frank. You’re always stopping by to see if he needs the pews wiped down or help with the plumbing in the rectory. Ah, didn’t you help the mayor when her car broke down last month? Well, I could go on and on. I’m just saying that you are important and a necessary angel for many people in your life. What would they do without you?
TILLY
(quietly) You are loved, Peter.
(HOPE)
Peter has been resting against a pile of straw and listening to Santa. He wipes a tear away.
PETER
(getting up) It’s irrelevant right now. I have a mission and you’re not going to stop me with a bunch of sentimental hogwash.
(FEAR)
SANTA
I thought if you went to this extreme then you must be hurting very much.(HOPE)
Peter has had enough. He lunges at Santa.
TILLY
NO!
Peter grabs Santa by the fur collar. Tilly tries to pry his hands off of Santa.
PETER
You’re not here as my shrink. Get that right now! You’re going to help me or else I will expose you to the world! I will go on tv and social media and tell them all about you and your operation. You know I can. I’ve seen it and I have proof. I took photos.(FEAR)
SANTA
Okay. I will stop talking, but I know what’s in your heart and I’ll never stop trying to help you.
(HOPE)
Peter lets go of Santa.
PETER
(in frustration) URGH! Don’t forget I have a gun and my heart won’t stop me from using it!
(FEAR)
Tilly tries to console Peter. Peter hugs her.
(HOPE)
But then Peter realizes that he has to keep up the front and pushes her off. The speed of the train has slowed way down.
(FEAR)
PETER
(ordering) Get ready to jump!
Peter and Tilly grab their backpacks and stand Santa up. They hang out the train to look for a point to jump.
PETER
Now!
The three of them jump off the train and roll.
FADE OUT
-
Cameron Martin’s Hope/Fear in action
What I learned doing this assignment is…An effective strategy and format to give a scene or action sequence more beats, more tension and therefore a faster pace. I knew exactly which scene I wanted to represent for this assignment, and I’m glad I had the second email regarding a scene from ROAD WARRIOR for inspiration. The throttling back and forth between hope and fear was a great lens to look at this scene through. Though I’ve already done something like this in many of the my stories, putting together in an outline and format such as this gives an awareness of what I’m doing, why I’m doing it, and going further to come up with as many shifts between Fear and Hope within the scene as possible. Also, tried overlapping two scenes that chronologically occur at the same time. I don’t think it works as well as it could with the way it’s written, but the set up of Isaiah coming in at the most dire moment feels more earned this way, and it adds another question to scene, shifting it away from “How will Sully get out of this” and more to “Will Isaiah get to him in time?” It feels like this strategy would lead to the audience staying involved instead of guessing/knowing what’s going to happen next and waiting for it to happen. We’ll see if it works, but the inclusion of the Hope/Fear mechanic does allow for a consistent rhythm that has the potential of tying the two scenes together in a really cool way.
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
SCL – Get back to his son unscathed
Scene chosen:
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Sully opens up a point in the roof with a grinder and crawls into a shaft that leads to the bunker.
INT. SPACE COLONY HALLWAYS/BUNKER – NIGHT
Sully uses the grinder to open a hole into the bunker. When he drops down into the bunker, he discovers all of the residents are now alien hosts, including the teenager and his family, who attack him on all fours and lash out with their jaws that separate from their skulls with the worm’s body attaching the two. He tries to fight back, but there’re too many of them, and he can’t reach the escape.
INT/EXT. SPACE COLONY – BUNKER/WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah is able to save his dad at the last moment by dropping the rope for him. Dad climbs up the rope that’s anchored to the vent, through the use of the power tools Isaiah brought.
Situation – Sully is trapped in a bunker full of infected monsters that want to eat him
Goal – Find a way to get back to the vent
Main Threat – Everything in the bunker wants to kill him
Scene Structure:
Hope – Sully will make it inside the bunker to safety
Fear – The last place of safety is the most dangerous place to be
Hope – Sully will avoid the bunker
Fear – Sully slips and falls in.
Hope – Sully can still reach the vent he slipped out of.
Fear – The monsters climbing on the scaffolding forces it to fall over.
Worse Fear – Sully can no longer reach the vent and escape.
Hope – Sully has his weapon.
Fear – There isn’t enough ammo to kill everything in the bunker
Worse Fear – The fall aggravated his already broken hand, meaning he can’t use it without extreme pain.
Hope – Sully has the high ground.
Fear – Monsters ascend the fallen scaffolding.
Hope – Scaffolding fell onto other shelving unit that didn’t fall over. It’s angled just high enough for Sully to climb onto it.
Fear – A monster grabs Sully’s leg.
Hope – Sully swings his bat and kills the monster
Fear – The force of Sully’s swing has him slip on the top of the shelving. Sully’s about to fall off.
Hope – Sully grabs onto the shelving with his broken hand, preventing his fall
Fear – Sully drops the bat (his only weapon) to assist his climbing back onto the shelving. His broken hand can’t take that much pressure.
Hope – Sully starts crawling on his back away from the monsters.
Fear – The monsters follow him both onto the shelving and below on the ground.
Hope – Sully clears past the first shelving unit first, and kicks it down with the monsters still on top of it.
Fear – Sully has no where else to run, and monsters are climbing up the shelving.
Hope – Sully kicks the shelving he’s sitting on to take it down with the monsters still on it.
Fear – Sully’s falling into the center of the swarm.
Worse Fear – Sully will be too injured to fight after he falls down.
Hope – Sully jumps and rolls to avoid the collapsing shelving.
Better News – Sully reunites with his weapon.
Fear – Sully is surrounded and on the ground.
Hope – Sully kills one of the monsters and dives into the fallen scaffolding.
Fear – Sully is trapped in a bottleneck with monsters trying to fill the hole.
Hope – Sully’s weapon works, nailing each monster the second they make contact with the end of the bat. Sully just holds the bat up to bunt them away.
Fear – The weapon jams.
Worse Fear – It doesn’t matter how hard Sully swings, if he can’t get through the skin. Sully swings hard and just prolongs the inevitable.
Hope – Sully’s bag at the end. Dangling from it is the grinder.
Fear – Monsters are vaulting the scaffolding to flank him.
Hope – Sully makes it there first and slices through the necks of several monsters.
Fear – Sully faces off against monsters he can’t bring himself to kill…infected children.
Hope – Isaiah drops a line and distracts the monsters.
Fear – Not all of the monsters divert their attention to Isaiah.
Worse Fear – Monsters are going after Isaiah
Hope – Sully is able to run and flank the aliens.
Better News – Sully grabs a gas tank and starts emptying it to create a wall of fire.
Fear – Sully placed his grinder in his armpit to be able to hold onto the gas tank.
Worse News – Monsters jump on top of Sully, pinning him down.
Hope – Sully has a lighter and starts a fire. His suit is flame retardant.
Better News – Sully’s on his feet and about to climb onto the rope line.
Fear – the gas tank explodes and sends Sully flying into the wall.
Worse News – The sprinklers turn on and start putting out the fire.
Even Worse News – The rope fell. Sully has to throw it back up to Isaiah for him to get Sully out.
Hope – The fire is still large enough to keep the monsters at bay
Fear – One of the monsters gets through.
Hope – Sully uses the grinder and kills the alien.
Fear – Sully has to use his broken hand to toss the rope up to Isaiah.
Hope – Sully fights through the intense pain.
Better news – Isaiah catches the rope and secures it.
Fear – Sully drops the grinder in order to climb the rope.
Worse Fear – the fire’s going down. The monsters are coming.
Hope – Isaiah dumps a bottle of bleach on his dad, and by extension the aliens.
Fear – It doesn’t work except to keep their mouths inside.
Hope – Sully makes it up the line.
Fear – The monsters start climbing the line.
INT. VENT – NIGHT
Sully slams the vent door shut behind him.
He douses the vent gate with the last of the bleach…
As worms slither, hiss and scream all over the gate, trying to get to him.
For now, Sully is trapped, and there’s no going back.
Instead, he peers ahead down the black of the tunnel…
And begins his crawl toward the bunker.
The harsh crashing and grinding of the aluminum with every slide on Sully’s knees echoes through the vent like a banging drum announcing Sully’s arrival. He can’t see where he’s going, but he…
SULLY
(counting his distance to the bunker)
Five feet. Four and a half. Three feet. Two and a half. One. Half. Should. Be—
He comes up against significant resistance.
It’s completely dark. Pitch black. We hear him work in total darkness as he grunts, winces, shifts.
SPARKS ILLUMINATE THE DARK as the whir of the grinder is amplified by the vent. Sully attacks the entry point with his power tool, until…
The panel comes loose. Sully tries pushing the rest of the way…
Causing the panel to give…
And Sully slides halfway out of the vent. He witnesses…
INT. BUNKER
A horde of infected residents, all staring up at him, mouths ejecting from skulls before receding back. The safest place in the colony has been changed into the worst part of hell.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah cracks opens the hatch…
And watches the fungal nest raging with a swarm of worms.
The savant considers his options. There isn’t enough bleach or other alkaline on the planet to protect him from that certain death.
INT. BUNKER/VENT
Sully tries to back up slowly…
With every shift of his weight, he moves a little further out of the vent.
His foot gets caught on his bag.
INT. ESCAPE HATCH – NIGHT
Isaiah descends back down the ladder and rummages through his bag of rope, tools, sheets of velcro, a boom box, and a NOTEPAD. He pulls out the notepad and takes off his gloves with noticeable contempt for them. He brushes his hands like they have some itchy substance or liquid on them – it’s just his hypersensitivity at work.
The kid makes some notes. We don’t see the specifics, but we catch a glimpse at illustrations and paragraphs of tiny print. He’s clearly been taking notes for a while, and his book is almost done. He flips back through the pages…
Nothing is marked, but through memory alone he lands at the exact page he was looking for. He skims the page – a quick confirmation – and closes the book.
INT. BUNKER/VENT
Sully can’t get back up the vent. He looks and aims to land on the scaffolding near his entry point.
INT. ESCAPE HATCH – NIGHT
Isaiah places the book back in his bag, places the irritating gloves back on his hands…
And climbs back up the ladder.
INT. BUNKER
Sully slides out and lands into the bunker, onto the scaffolding.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah opens the hatch fully and climbs out with all the confidence in the world.
He pulls out the boom box and turns it on. It plays a low pitch brown noise. His hands rotate the volume to max…
And tapes a sheet of velcro over his mask, effectively blinding him.
Finally, his hands find a bottle of lubricant that he pours over parts of his suit – anywhere where there isn’t velcro or abrasive material.
And then…
INT. BUNKER
Sully starts to get up to reach back into the vent…
But, the infected are already halfway up front side of the scaffolding…
Causing it to tilt.
Sully’s has only a split second to jump back up to reach the vent. He hesitates…
And falls with the scaffolding…
Crashing into the side of a shelving unit…
And onto his already broken hand. Sully screams in pain!
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
The kid walks forward, mostly blind, one hand dragging the bag, while the other hand grabs the railing.
We follow solely the kid’s perspective – heavy breathing, slithering all over him, nothing sliding over his mask, in fact they’re avoiding it all together, and, of course, the steady, deafening brown noise—
INT. BUNKER
Sully comes to, holding his bat with the two nailers at the end of it. There’s over a hundred infected, all coming at him, and he has maybe fifty rounds of nails.
The infected run on all fours up the scaffolding to get to their prey.
Sully jumps from the scaffolding…
Landing on top of the shelves. He pulls himself up, keeping his broken hand close to his chest to stave off the immense pain he’s in, before—
A hand crabs his leg!
Sully swings the bat…
Nailing the infected in the throat.
But the force of the impact sends Sully sliding off the shelves.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah TRIPS!
The boom box CRASHES…
INT. BUNKER
Sully grabs onto the side of the shelf with his broken hand.
He screams in pain…
Dropping the bat…
And catching himself with his other hand. He pulls himself up and starts crawling on his back away from the monsters that are climbing up to meet him.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
The boom box keeps playing.
Isaiah palms the ground around him, trying to get a sense of his surroundings, but he can’t find out what the hell he just tripped over, especially through these stupid, sweaty gloves.
This kid continues forward – no time to waste – on all fours. He crawls on hands and knees the rest of the way, leaving the boom box behind, but taking the bag with him.
INT. BUNKER
Sully clears past the first shelving unit, sliding onto the second one.
He holds on tight…
And with his foot pushes the first shelving until away from the wall…
Crashing it to the ground on top of other infected.
With no where else to run, Sully watches as the entire room converges on his location. a mass of bodies quickly ascend his shelving unit.
Sully spins around, pushing against the wall…
And sending the second shelving unit to the ground.
Sully, just before the unit crashes, leaps off…
Toward his bat.
The second shelving unit careens to the floor, crushing some of the infected.
Sully picks up the bat…
And is completely surrounded. The bloodthirsty infected hold back for just a moment. Just long enough for…
Sully to identify a possible exit from the circle. He charges for the scaffolding…
Facing off against one of the infected. Sully swings his bat, making contact with the infected. DIRECT HIT, and Sully dives between the floors of the fallen scaffolding.
EXT. SPACE COLONY – WALKWAY – NIGHT
Isaiah’s hands find the steps that lead to the vent. He crawls carefully up the steps, opens the vent, and crawls inside.
INT. BUNKER
Sully is trapped in the bottleneck created by the scaffolding. Infected all try to get in, wanting a piece of him.
Sully bunts each one…
Firing two nails into each one. Some are a hit to the throat, some to the head, which is ineffective. They just keep coming.
CHNNNG! CHNNNG! The nailers jam. Both of them.
The infected come at Sully with more reckless abandon.
Sully swings the bat as hard as he can to keep the monsters away, while looking for an option. Anything to last a few more seconds…
His eyes find…
THE GRINDER, dangling from his tool bag.
INT. VENT – NIGHT
Once inside, Isaiah carefully removes the velcro from his mask. He’s unsure of what he tripped over, but knows he can’t go back the same way he and Sully came from.
INT. BUNKER
Sully shimmies his way to the dangling grinder, as the infected crawl over the scaffolding to get to the other side.
Sully makes it to the grinder.
An infected shoots its mouth out…
INTO THE SPINNING BLADE OF THE GRINDER!
Sully carves his way out in a bloody torrent of war against any and all infected, carving through each neck like butter.
SULLY
(covered in blood)
I DON’T CARE WHAT HELL HAS! I WILL RETURN TO MY SON!
Before Sully, however, is the worst thing he’s seen to this point.
Small children, led by an infant, crawl out of the scaffolding for him.
The baby’s toothless mouth reaches out of its skull and snaps at Sully.
Sully, horror stricken at the sight, can’t move.
SULLY
NO! NOOOO! AAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!
A rapid fire impact sounds off from the vent, drawing the attention of most of the infected.
A rope is thrown from the vent.
ISAIAH
Dad!? Daddy!?
Sully sprints along the wall.
SULLY
GET OUT OF HERE! IT’S NOT SAFE!
Too late. The infected are already at the rope.
Sully catches sight of a gas canister. He places the grinder under his armpit and picks up the full canister.
He dumps gasoline along a line as he runs for the rope, before chucking the canister at the mound of bodies at the bottom of the rope.
He kneels, turning on the grinder…
Letting the sparks fly toward the trail of gas—
WHAM! AN INFECTED TACKLES HIM TO THE GROUND!
Sully lifts up the grinder to the infected—
His arm is pinned.
Sully’s broken hand reaches into his pocket for the lighter. He lights the flame and tosses it at the gas.
FFWOOOOM!! The infected erupts in flame, fleeing. Sully’s space suit keeps the flames at bay on him.
Sully makes a break for the rope…
He grabs on—
KABOOOM!! The gas canister explodes…
Sending Sully against the back wall.
The fire reaches to the ceiling. The infected can’t get close.
But the sprinkler system jumps into action, dowsing the fires.
Sully races for the rope. An infected gets through.
Sully slices the head off and tosses the grinder aside.
He grits his teeth as he bears the pain of using both hands, including his broken hand, to climb the rope.
Sully’s almost there.
But an infected is at his feet.
Isaiah empties an entire bottle of bleach onto Sully…
Spilling onto the infected.
They keep their mouths inside the host’s skull, but keep coming after the two.
Sully makes it up into the vent.
Infected are RIGHT THERE behind them – no time to cut the rope.
Sully and Isaiah scurry back up the vent, desperate to get away.
-
Dev Ross – Hope and Fear in action
WHAT I LEARNED is how hope and fear can be used to understand my characters’ needs very quickly.
LINCOLN: Compassionate, driven, hidden chip on his shoulder: work to better his black community but ends up giving into his own hate.
MR. THOMPSON – elderly black man who hasn’t voted in years.
MRS. THOMPSON – elderly black woman who wants to get more involved despite her husband’s fears.
FITZ THOMPSON – their bitter son, who has a chip on his shoulder
HOPE 1. Lincoln is greeted warmly at the door. The old woman likes what he’s been saying.
FEAR 2. Mr. Thompson says he just can’t get involved. Took a beating once. Got the hint. Now it’s up to young people.
HOPE 3. His wife reminds him it was a long time ago. Times have changed. She wants to get involved. Maybe she’ll go door to door too.
FEAR 4. Son enters. He’s bitter. Lost his wife in police shooting.
HOPE 5. Lincoln offers empathy.
FEAR 6. Fitz refuses it. People don’t change.
EXT. BLACK HOME – DAY
Lincoln holds a clipboard, walks up, opens the metal gate that leads up the walkway to a small but well-kempt home. The fenced in yard is spread with outdoor children’s toys. A rusty swing on a small swing set, squeaks in the wind. Lincoln knocks on the door. The door cracks open.
MRS. THOMPSON
Who is it?
LINCOLN
Community organizer, Lincoln Able-
Lincoln checks a name on his list of names and addresses on his clipboard.
LINCOLN
-Mrs. Thompson. May I come in and speak with you and your husband?
The door opens, revealing MRS. THOMPSAN, an elderly black woman. She smiles, steps aside for him to enter.
MRS. THOMPSON
Of course. Please, come in.
INT. BLACK HOME – A SHORT TIME LATER
Lincoln sits with the woman and her husband. Noise from a back room emanates loudly – it’s young kids playing.
MRS. THOMPSON
(To her husband)
Honey, will you tell the kids to keep it down?
MR. THOMPSON
Sure will. Be right back.
MRS. THOMPSON
There’s been so much wind, our grandkids have taken to playing inside.
Mr. Thompson exits to the back. A KNOCK is heard, then–
MR. THOMPSON (O.S.)
Quiet!
The kids immediately get quieter.
The elderly man shuffles back, sits, turns to address his wife.
MR. THOMPSON
Now what’s he here for?
MRS. THOMPSON
This is Lincoln Able, honey. He’s here to talk to us about voting.
MR. THOMPSON
Voting? Huh. I took a beating once for that and got the hint.
MRS. THOMPSON
Well, then was then; now I want to get involved.
FITZ THOMPSON, (30’s) their song, ENTERS through the front door, immediately reacts to his mother.
MRS. THOMPSON
Maybe I’ll go door to door with Lincoln.
FITZ THOMPSON (O.S.)
You will not!
From the shirt, name inscribed on the pocket, it’s obvious Fitz’s just come home from work.
FITZ THOMPSON
Who’s gonna watch my kids, if not you?
MR. THOMPSON
I can do it.
FITZ THOMPSON
No, you can’t, Pop, half the time you can’t even remember their names.
MRS. THOMPSON
Fitz, that isn’t nice. We’ve got company.
(Introducing them)
This is our son, Fitz. Fitz, Lincoln is–
FITZ THOMPSON
I know who he is. Look, we don’t want trouble.
LINCOLN
I’m not here to cause any trouble. I’m here to support of our community.
FITZ THOMPSON
Yeah? Then where you when I needed help after my wife got shot dead for sleeping while black?
LINCOLN
I’m sorry. I remember that. Wrong address. I was a teacher then.
FITZ THOMPSON
Look, what you’re doing is commendable but it’s not realistic. Times change, people don’t.
Lincoln sits with that a moment, then-
LINCOLN
I’m going to change that belief, you’ll see.
Fitz gives him a last look before he heads toward the back where his kids play.
FITZ THOMPSON
Uh-huh. If you want change, forget adults and go back to teaching kids.
-
Anna Harper Fear In Action
DAY 6
What I learned from this assignment is; by applying this technique to a story I am working on, I was able to identify boring or neutral parts and amp them up and make them more suitable and punchy for a screenplay.
The Bittersweet of Summer’s End Anna Corbett
CHARACTERS
ANTON A Serbian operative SLU wants to move up the power structure.
AHMED Village owner of a failing restaurant. Reluctantly swept up in the operation with his village friends who are also taking part. SLU is Desperate to pay his son’s university fees.
JOHNATHAN Bored to death village vet. SLU wants a new life away from the village.
CALEB Owner of the Royal Swans. Started off the entire mess, needing a rescue, due to his drugs, alcohol, and gambling problems. SLU Just wants to get out of the mess without too much pain, ie the army Brigg.
Situation
Johnathan and Ahmed and Caleb,(civilians, part of a team of men from the village working for SIS ‘Team Bunny’), are driving a semi-trailer truck as part of a sting operation to take down a major threat to British security,
Goals
The goal is to take down a Russian operative/a double agent posing as a Serbian agent who is a major threat to British security. The village men (who are all in dire financial straits,) will be very well paid for risking their lives.
Threat
Anton a Serbian spy, shocks Ahmed, Caleb, and Johnathan, announcing that he will be in the truck with them, thwarting their plans.
HOPE
Ahmed, Caleb, and Johnathan arrive at the pickup point to start the trip by driving the semi-trailer.
FEAR
Unexpectedly Anton announces he will be along for the ride.
FEAR
Anton threatens them with a gun.
FEAR
Ahmed tries to covertly communicate with SIS who are listening in by making small talk about the trip. Anton threatens Ahmed.
HOPE
Caleb knows the roads well and is plotting a way out.
SCENE
EXT. COMMERCIAL VEHICLE YARD/DAY
ACTION A group of thugs are guarding the semi-trailer, most are guarding the back doors of the semitrailer, which is locked with chains.
JOHNATHAN
Right, where are we to drop it then?
ANTON
Port Felixstow, they are open 24/7. You arrive just before dark
AHMED
How can we possibly get this thing in there without any problems?
ANTON
ACTION
Has gun in hand
No worries. We are all hooked up with port contacts and I will be in the back of the truck with you. No funny stuff or you will all get a taste of this
CALEB
Why don’t you drive the bloody thing yourself then?
ANTON
I can’t drive a semi. And someone might recognize my face.
AHMED
ACTION
Starts chattering nervously about the trip, hoping that SIS is listening in to the change of plans with Anton on board.
ANTON
Shut the fuck up!
CALEB V.O.
No worries you little piece of shit. We are going to make a stop.
ANTON
Get your foot down, but do not speed. We have to make the evening sailing for Saudi without fail, or I shoot your balls off.
EXT.MOTORWAY/EVENING LIGHT/ DARKENING.
CALEB
ACTION
Caleb groans loudly.
CALEB
We are 10 K from the port. I gotta take a shit!
ACTION
To make his point, Caleb farts to the disgust of the rest of the crew.
CALEB
There are some toilets up ahead. I’m pulling in there, whether you like it or not Anton.
Caleb farts again to make his point.
ANTON
You English pig! No funny stuff.
Johnathan and Ahmed sneak furtively look at each other. Something is going to happen.
The truck pulls up outside the rest station. They all descend from the truck Anton with his hand underneath his coat on his gun, facing forward, Anton is watching them carefully.
Silently a special forces agent appears from behind the back of the truck and bashes Anton over the head. Anton falls to the ground unconscious.
Two special services agents appear.
AGENT
It’s all over. We got the Russian at their communications sweatshop.
The agents move to open the back door of the semitrailer. It is packed full of young women and girls.
Johnathan, Ahmed, and Caleb look stunned.
AHMED
We made it through. Just as Bunny would have wanted. We did good today.
CALEB
I need a beer.
AHMED
My friend we can celebrate with a non-alcoholic beer, or they will be sending you back to the Brigg.
JOHNATHAN
I thought we were all going to end up dead! Well done Caleb, we can all breathe easy.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Hope/Fear in action
WHAT I LEARNED: I learned how to make a scene more interesting by alternating hope and fear to keep the audience on their toes. This will make the script a more interesting read and more interesting film.
Name: Alicia
Traits: Protective, Brave, Crafty, Loner
Subtext: Crafty
Name: Host
Traits: Power Hungry, Arrogant, Conspiring, Charismatic
Subtext: Conspiring
In this scene, the monster Bigfoot is stalking Alicia and Kristen, who are hiding in some trees and bushes.
a. Bigfoot finds Alicia
b. Alicia runs as Bigfoot gives chase
c. Alicia kills Bigfoot on accident and barely survives
(FEAR) A. Alicia and Kristen are found by Bigfoot
(HOPE) B. They both run away, Kristen hiding fast.
(FEAR) C. Alicia runs and Bigfoot follows close behind
(HOPE) D. Alicia makes it to games section and slides under first game booth, barely escaping
(FEAR) E. Bigfoot starts smashing game booth
(HOPE) F. Alicia blasts Bigfoot with water cannon in booth in eyes
(FEAR) G. Bigfoot roars, more pissed than before
(HOPE) H. Alicia is hiding
(FEAR) I. Bigfoot finds her after some anticipation from search
(HOPE) J. Alicia escapes
(FEAR) K. Bigfoot faces Alicia pissed…and she has nowhere to go
(HOPE) L. Bigfoot attacks her, tripping over an electrical wire as he lands in the game that’s done in water, electrocuting himself to death
(FEAR) M. The water seeps over the edge…coming right at Alicia
(HOPE) N. Alicia jumps on a game ledge just in time, saving herself
EXT. FOREST AREA – NIGHT
Kristen and Alicia still wait and hide. Both whisper throughout the scene.
KRISTEN
You think he’s gone?
ALICIA
No idea.
KRISTEN
But like, do you think he’s gone?
ALICIA
No idea. Be quiet.
KRISTEN
But I’m saying do you think, not do you know–
Alicia turns back to look at her.
ALICIA
The Christian part of you isn’t the annoying part.
Kristen smiles.
KRISTEN
Aww, thanks! I swear, it’s like we’re BFF’s already–
But Alicia is looking past her, eyes wide.
ALICIA
Shh…
KRISTEN
Hey, that’s not the way BFF’s treat each other–
Alicia slowly points behind Kristen. Kristen turns around and sees Bigfoot is just three feet from them, looking in another direction.
ALICIA
(soft whisper)
Whatever you do, be quiet.
KRISTEN
Aah!
Bigfoot turns to them as Kristen screams and runs out. Alicia looks at him, he roars, and she takes off too.
Kristen jumps into an animal cage, hiding.
Alicia tries to, but there’s no more room. She sees Bigfoot coming at her and dashes away.
Bigfoot chases. He almost has got her, when she cuts to the right, saving herself just in time.
He keeps after her as she comes to the Games area. She quickly slides under one of the game counters just as–
SMASH! Bigfoot brings his mighty fist down on it.
Alicia looks at the game she’s in. It’s the one where you shoot water guns to win a race.
ALICIA
I hope these still work.
She grabs a water pistol and comes up just as Bigfoot is about to smash again. She shoots him in the eyes.
He roars and staggers back, wiping the water from his eyes.
Then he looks around…and can’t find her anywhere.
He looks in the game booth – not there.
He slowly starts stalking around. He looks in a nearby middle booth – not there.
He slowly moves closer – and we see Alicia is crouched under the counter of the next booth over.
She breathes softly, listening. Can’t hear anything. She starts to relax when–
ROAR! His face is right in front of her, bending over the booth from the other side.
ALICIA
Aah!
She quickly gets out and jumps over the booth counter.
Now, she’s facing him. He looks at her, licking his lips in anticipation of a fresh meal.
He comes at her – she jumps to the side.
He comes again – she barely gets away.
She walks back a few steps as he roars in displeasure.
But there’s nowhere else for Alicia to go. In front of her is the game filled with water and behind her is open road.
Bigfoot rushes at her, arms raised, looking to finish it. But as he comes at her, he trips over an electrical wire.
And lands in the game filled with water!
ZZTZZT! Bigfoot is electrocuted in the water.
Alicia sees the water that spilled over coming towards her. She quickly jumps on the counter of the nearest game, just barely escaping electrocution.
She looks at the dead yeti, smoldering now.
ALICIA
Holy fucking shit.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host watches, unbelieving.
HOST
(to himself)
Holy fucking shit.
AUDIENCE MEMBER
Holy fucking shit.
-
ASSIGNMENT
Kate’s Hope/Fear in Action
What I learned doing this assignment is it’s a nice ‘game ‘ to play when weaving together the story – giving it layers and creating dialogue that I would never have thought of otherwise.
Darrogh – Greedy, Supremely confident, Smooth, (Lonely, Suspicious)
takes advantage of everyone, thinks his daughter will treat/cheat him as he ‘thinks’ her mother did, uses money as protection against intimacy, has all the modern hi-end security, believes that being rich makes him safe, tries to buy people’s loyalty/friendship
Fake Businessmen (the Sting) actually actors helping out the Community.
Situation – fake businessmen want to ‘do a deal’ on the land with Darrogh to save it
Goal – get him to sign the Agreement
Threat – Darrogh wants more to sign
A) ‘Businessmen’/the con at his house with a proposal he has agreed to consider
B) Darrogh announces he wants more land than what he already has or no deal. and he has a deadline
C) Businessmen/con assure him they’ll be back with what he wants in time.
HOPE) A. Darrogh greets them warmly, has talked with his accountant
FEAR) B D expresses concern about their age and wonders why they would support landfills given their generation
HOPE) C They convince him they are more pragmatic than most in their generation.
FEAR D. He then says but he doesn’t need a company to manage it esp. as partners. He can hire a company.
HOPE) C. They convince him that it is in his best interest to have a company experienced in this area and with skin in the game
FEAR) D. Darrogh then says he won’t sign until he has at all the acres he needs – dirt cheap – or it won’t be the biggest landfill.
HOPE) E. Businessmen assure him that’s fine. They can get that
FEAR) F. Darrogh says it must be within the week because he’s starting in the Green Field regardless next week – and he ends the meeting.
BACKGROUND
Michael(as Thomas) and Shaunn (as Steve) arrive for their first face to face meeting with Darrogh. The proposal (drawn up by Min)has been sent to Darrogh and a phone call made. Darrogh has agreed to meet with them.
INT DARROGH’S OFFICE AT HIS HOUSE. MORNING
Michael(as Thomas) and Shaunn (as Steve) are at their first face to face meeting with Darrogh. They have just been ushered into the office.
DARROGH
Sit, sit. Coffee?
MICHAEL
No, thank you.
SHAUNN
Not for me either.
DARROGH
Eager to get to business, eh?
MICHAEL
We don’t want to take up too much of your time, Sir.
DARROGH
I appreciate that. Ok! To work. I have had a good look at the proposal, gone over it with my business accountant -(I am my own Manager but I use an accountant to bounce things off.) There are some good possibilities here. It’s interesting.
SHAUNN
Thank you. We think so.
DARROGH
I looked up your company. There isn’t much.
MICHAEL
We’re pretty new but we know what we are doing – and have other investors.
DARROGH
I saw that. I am surprised people so – young – care about the Landfill business.
MICHAEL
I believe that the problem of waste won’t go away. There will always be need for landfills. So, make them look – well, pleasing to the eye.
SHAUNN
And then people won’t notice them or make a fuss. Thats why the park-style ‘dressing’. To camouflage it from the average eye.
MICHAEL
Someone will do it, why not us? We’re not as naive as many of our age group are.
DARROGH
I can see that. Very Smart. It’s A brilliant idea.
MICHAEL
Thank you.
DARROGH
But I don’t see why I need a partnership with you. Why not hire you to design it and then get someone to run it? Can’t be that hard.
SHAUNN
Our company only does it all. We design and manage. And we only work as share-holders. It is a tricky business keeping the do-good, greenie, politically-correct public at bay with one of these things.
MICHAEL
Particularly those who are, well, our age.
SHAUNN
We have an advantage – they tend to trust us.. to be doing the ‘right’ things. Not like older more establishment people.
DARROGH
Like me.
MICHAEL
Yes, not to put too fine a point on it.
DARROGH
I see.
MICHAEL
Our – older – use she sees us as the face of the company, able to accomplish things that she, as an older – woman – can’t. She is really the business acumen here.
SHAUNN
We have modern ideas, know how to speak to our generation and she trusts us with that part of it.
DARROGH
Really? That’s –
(he glances at some notes)
Min Chang?
SHAUNN
Yes.
There is a pause.
DARROGH
Alright. That makes sense. I don’t really want to add another string to my bow if you know what I mean.
Happy to make some money without doing anything.
MICHAEL
And we offer that opportunity. We’re young and hungry. We’re happy to do the work.
DARROGH
So how many acres are we talking?
What is the largest landfill in existence?
MICHAEL
I don’t know.
DARROGH
I’ll tell you. The Apex Regional Landfill in Las Vegas! About 2,200 acres of land. It is projected to have a lifetime of 250 years and holds about 50 million tons of waste.
The boys are a little stunned.
DARROGH
Impressive right? Well, I want mine to be bigger than that! I want the largest land fill in the world, and if I have to buy up this whole county? I will.
MICHAEL
That’s a lot of land, Mr McGrath.
DARROGH
Your job is to get the local farmers to sell. Cheap! I can buy it – that’ll be my part of the investment. Then you run it, I make it all back. I’ve got time.
SHAUNN
That’s very generous of you.I’m sure we can make that happen. I already know what 2? 3? locals who’d sell to you in a heart-beat!
MICHAEL
When we have everyone we need for say 2,500 acres? We can design a really spectacular landfill-park, get some contracts for the – product – to be delivered and then .
Darrogh interrupts vehemently
DARROGH
No. I’m going to start this as soon as those damned actors are out of field. I have the best piece of land right there and Im going start moving dirt around. I’m not waiting for months of planning and shit!
MICHAEL
With respect Sir, I think it’s best to know just what and where the parcels of land are in order to make a really amazing design.. Not only the biggest but the most beautiful. One that people will want visit because…
SHAUNN
It’s a work of art! Think of those incredible gardens in Europe! Like, like – the palace of Versailles! Only bigger – people will take bus tours around it.
MICHAEL
For a fee, of course.
Darrogh is torn between the vastness of the idea and his need for revenge now.
DARROGH
One week. Get all the land sewn up and we’ll talk again.
Darrogh stands signaling the meeting is over. Michael and Shaunn stand with him gathering their papers.
MICHAEL
Thank you, Mr. McGrath. We’ll let you know how it goes.
DARROGH
Without the land there’s no deal.
SHAUNN
We’ll get the land.
They all shake hands.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Hope/Fear in action
What I learned from this assignment:
Using this technique taught me to create greater tension between the characters in a moment of conflict.
Character Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: sympathetic, hopeful, ambitious, anxious/insecure
Subtext: withholding, manipulative
Character Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ellen is forced to reveal secrets about her past family life to save her family.
Character Name: Ryan – violent personality
Traits: sadistically polite, calculating, violent, sinister
Subtext: Devious
Character Logline: Ryan masterminds the kidnapping Ellen’s family to satiate his sociopathic appetite by threatening to kill them on-air.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ryan blackmails Ellen into revealing details of her past to entertain the on-air audience.
Situation: Having failed to convince Jason to release her daughters, Ellen is confronted by Ryan, the sociopathic alter, angry at Ellen for involving Jason’s sister in their liaison.
Goal: Ellen needs to extract William, Jason’s suicidal alter, to the forefront to pressure him into committing suicide to save her daughters.
Threat: Ryan refuses to surrender to William, threatening Ellen’s daughters to stop her.
Scene Structure:
A) Ellen confronts Ryan, changing the game, pushing Ryan to allow William to reveal himself
B) Ryan is curious to meet William, having never met, but resists when he realizes William’s suicidal psychosis and Ellen’s true intentions.
C) Ellen triggers William to the forefront and pressures him to finish what he started at the beginning of the story – to commit suicide and save her daughters.
FEAR: Ryan has reemerged.
HOPE: Ellen confronts Ryan to break his control of her. “This is about us – you and me.”
FEAR: Ryan reminds Ellen he has her daughters
HOPE: Ellen diagnoses Ryan as a psychopath / sociopath
FEAR: Ryan accepts the diagnosis. It’s a game.
HOPE: Ellen explains his need to control the alters.
FEAR: Ryan’s tone changes. Though he continues
HOPE: Ellen calls Ryan a parasite, digging deeper into his psyche.
FEAR: Ryan, hating what he’s heard, threatens to harm the younger daughter
HOPE: Ellen discusses Ryan’s need to be rid of Jason. To find a better host for Ryan to exploit, piquing Ryan’s curiosity. She mentions William. And she seduces him to come forward out of the darkness.
FEAR: When William doesn’t appear, and Ellen fails, Ryan calls to William, playfully “Olly, Olly, all come free” and laughs and laughs.
HOPE: Someone is suddenly in pain, grizzly sounds or moaning and fighting. William appears.
SCENE:
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
Ellen’s anguish turns to rage upon her Ryan’s voice.
RYAN
I told you. No-one else. This is you and me. You broke the rules.
ELLEN
She wasn’t talking with you. She was talking to Jason.
A sudden gasp of realization, impressed.
RYAN
That’s very slippery of you, Dr. Ellen. Very slippery.
(he laughs)
You’re beginning to play the game.
Ellen moves closer to the microphone.
ELLEN
I’m not playing. Not anymore. Not by your rules.
RYAN
Have you forgotten your daughters already, doctor?
ELLEN
They never leave my thoughts. But this isn’t about them. Or me. Or my husband…
(anguished)
Or even Jason.
RYAN
No?
ELLEN
No.
RYAN
Then who?
ELLEN
You.
RYAN
Ooh… My favorite subject.
ELLEN
Then tell me, Ryan. Do you consider yourself a sociopath or a psychopath? I haven’t quiet decided yet.
RYAN
Now we’re cooking.
ELLEN
They share similar qualities. But I’m leaning toward — psychopath.
RYAN
I’m all ears.
ELLEN
Sociopaths are shaped by their environment, from years of systemic abuse. Where psychopaths, like you, are born.
RYAN
Keep going…
ELLEN
When you close your eyes, what are your memories? Do you see your childhood? Your family? Friends? Do you see your mother’s smile? Can you hear your father’s laugh? Or were you just… born one day?
Ryan – steady BREATHING.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Your charm enables you to maintain the pretence of a normal life, but you choose to live alone. And your relationships are fake and without meaning. You’re measured and calm, meticulous, not prone to outburst or impulse, and never spontaneous. But you’re easily bored and need constant stimulation. Like this.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Claire looks to Sorensen, stunned by Ellen’s actions.
CLAIRE
What is she doing?
SORENSEN
Taking control.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
ELLEN
You’re highly intelligent but cold and calculating, given to grandiose lies to impress others. You deceive and manipulate, view people as mere things and have no sense of empathy or remorse.
(beat)
Let me know when you disagree.
RYAN
I will…
ELLEN
But there is one condition that sets you apart.
RYAN
Pray tell…
ELLEN
Psychopaths live parasitic lives. They feed on a host for survival. They hunger for power and control but none of the responsibility or the hard work that comes with the life they want.
RYAN
Tell me, doctor. Which one of your daughters do you love the least?
ELLEN
Isn’t this the reason you’ve come to me? To excise this homeless man from your life? To find a new host for you to feed on? Someone to provide the entitled life you and the others deserve? Isn’t this the purpose to which you were born?
RYAN
What are you proposing, doctor?
ELLEN
You said you’ve yet to meet the others. Maybe it’s time you did.
RYAN
A group session? Will you serve canapes and hors d’oeuvres?
ELLEN
Jason was my patient originally. And I’ve read Dr. Sullivan’s notes on the others. With your help, we might be able to encourage one to come forward and test you’re compatibility.
RYAN
(thinking)
Our compatibility? Hmm.
(beat)
Why not? It might be fun to meet Jason’s contemporaries. Tell me about them.
ELLEN
You’ve met Bobby.
RYAN
A nice boy. I liked him. But he’s perpetually twelve.
ELLEN
There’s Charles, the starving artists. He enjoys poetry and philosophy.
RYAN
Boor-ring.
ELLEN
Joseph, the bird enthusiast. Spends his days in Golden Gate Park bird watching. Unfortunately, he suffers from allergies.
RYAN
Next.
ELLEN
Daniel is a war veteran. Suffers from PSSD and is blind.
RYAN
These are Jason’s betters?
ELLEN
There was one I remember, someone you may like. He had a steady job and enjoyed classical music, fine foods and wine.
RYAN
I think I like him already. What was his name?
ELLEN
His name —
(she looks at Sorensen)
is William.
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – CONTINUOUS
Sorensen straightens in his chair, knowing immediately her intentions.
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SAME
Sullivan in panic mode.
SULLIVAN
She can’t do this! I have to stop her.
PHIL
What is it? What’s wrong?
SULLIVAN
I have to speak with Detective Sorensen — immediately!
Phil grabs the phone.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen fully engaged. Nothing will stop her.
RYAN
And how to you intend to introduce me to William?
ELLEN
By asking him to join us.
RYAN
Just like that?
ELLEN
Just like that.
RYAN
Then by all means…
Ellen’s lip nearly caress the microphone. Her seductive voice soft and inviting.
ELLEN
William?
(beat)
William? I know you can hear me. I’d like to speak with you now.
(beat)
William —
INT. CONTROL BOOTH – SAME
Sorensen and Claire absorbed by Ellen’s seduction.
MOVE IN ON SORENSEN
Eyes darting, listening, not watching.
ELLEN (O.S.)
— I know you’re afraid. But you needn’t to be. It’s me. Ellen.
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SAME
Everyone mesmerized by Ellen’s seduction.
ELLEN (O.S.)
(on radio)
William? I know what the others have done to you. I know how they hurt you. Kept you in the dark.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
ELLEN’S LIPS WHISPERING INTO THE MICROPHONE
ELLEN
But it’s time to come forward. It’s time to be brave, to step out from the darkness.
(beat)
William? Listen to the sound of my voice. Reach out. Take my hand. I’m here waiting for you.
(beat)
William? William…?
A silent beat.
RYAN
(mocking, calling)
William? William? Olly Olly all come free.
(laughing)
I don’t think William wants to play, Dr. Ellen.
Ellen slumps in defeat.
THE CONTROL BOOTH
Sorensen – “damn it”
THE COMMAND CENTER
Frustration and empathy all around. Everyone but Sullivan, who seems vaguely relieved.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
Ellen reclaims herself and addresses the microphone, her next words uncertain.
RYAN
I know. Let’s play a game of Red Rover.
(calling loud)
Red Rover, Red rover, let William come over!
LAUGHING… and LAUGHING… and LAUGHING… then…
SOMEONE IN PAIN… SOMEONE STRUGGLING… RESISTING… GROANING… FIGHTING… MOANING…
And it’s over… RECOVERING… GASPING… GASPING… BREATHING… breathing…
Ellen leans in to the microphone again.
ELLEN
(soft)
…William…?
A STEADYING BREATH
WILLIAM
Hello, Dr. Ellen. It’s nice to hear your voice again.
-
Day 6 Writing w/ Boldness – Anita – Uncertainty Part 2: Hope/Fear in Action
What I learned in this assignment: I wrote this scene for a previous assignment and knew it needed a rewrite (switching character roles). In this scene my Protagonist certainly has a clear goal, and the main threat of losing her case is from the prejudiced judge. It was the perfect setting to strive to write with a balance of hope and fear, and a good opportunity for me to show my character’s courtroom prowess.
Situation: Courtroom hearing for a minor seeking the right to an abortion without parental consent.
Goal: Danica, as an abortion rights advocate, needs to gain a judicial bypass for her client.
Threat: The presiding judge is known to be predisposed to saying no in these cases.
Character Name: DANICA (Dani) BRAHMS
Traits: Success-oriented, Driven, Self-sufficient / Independent
Subtext: Secretive / Evasive, In denial
Character Logline: Danica is an ambitious lawyer whose career and very life is put in jeopardy by an unwanted pregnancy with her married boss.
(FEAR) A. Dani knows going into this hearing that the judge is known for his anti-abortion position, and it will be an uphill battle.
(HOPE) B. The circumstances of the case seem strong (supportive boyfriend; she is only 2 months away from age 18; good grades; college and career ambitions, etc.)
(FEAR) C. Judge is not buying that there’s reason enough to keep this decision out of the parent’s hands.
(HOPE) D. Danica makes both good legal and moral arguments on behalf of the teenager.
(FEAR) E. The Judge is a staunch supporter of parental consent; he finds her academic record does not support a claim of a “B” average; and so he denies the judicial bypass request.
(SOME HOPE) F. They have an opportunity to appeal this decision, but with little time to do so before the teen’s pregnancy has advanced too far for a legal abortion.
INT. APPELLATE COURTROOM – DAY
This is a closed hearing with only the Judge presiding and a minor (TEENAGER JANE DOE) who is the petitioner, along with her attorney, Danica Brahms. There is only a clerk and a court recorder also present.
The elder Judge, looking imposing, sits at the bench and bangs his gavel.
JUDGE
Counselor, you may proceed with your client’s petition for judicial bypass.
Danica stands.
DANICA
Thank you your honor. My client is only two months shy of her 18th birthday. But those short eight weeks would put her past the legal limit for an abortion in this state.
JUDGE
Is her age the only factor I am to consider in this case?
DANICA
No your honor. I just wish to make the point that the age of consent for sex in this state is 17. Not being able to make a decision on the consequences from having sex until 18 simply clashes with my client’s other legal standards for a minor’s autonomy.
JUDGE
(to the teen, ‘JANE DOE’)
Are you an emancipated minor?
The young girl nervously stands and looks confused at being addressed directly and looks to Danica.
DANICA
No sir. My client is not financially stable – which is one reason she is petitioning this court for the right to choose an abortion.
Danica takes a breath and tries a different tack.
DANICA (CONT’D)
My client has stated she is a B student in school, with the ambition of wanting to join the military and go on to college to become a nurse.
JUDGE
(addressing teen rather menacingly)
Without parental consent how do you plan to get this procedure?
JANE DOE
(Intimidated / haltingly)
My boyfriend would drive me to the clinic and his mother will help pay for the abortion.
JUDGE
And why have you not sought the approval of your parents?
DANICA
She did not tell her parents because her parents would try to convince her to continue the pregnancy.
JUDGE
This is a child having a child. We must include the adult parents in this decision which empowers the family. Family is the backbone of our civilized society. We require parental consent for a minor to get a driver’s permit because that is common sense. A parent guiding their child through major life decisions is a good thing, is it not Counselor?
DANICA
Your honor, this supposes that every child comes from a loving and protective household. As a nearly legal adult my client understands the immediate and long-term consequences of this decision and also understands the medical risks involved in terminating a pregnancy. I am simply stating on her behalf that the moral issue here is the freedom of a woman to control the reproductive functions of her own body.
There’s a lengthy pause as The Judge refers to a few papers on his desk. Then he folds his hands and peers down at the two women, ready to pronounce ‘judgment’.
JUDGE
Please be seated.
They do so.
(beat)
JUDGE (CONT’D)
To obtain a waiver that would allow a minor to end the pregnancy without notifying her parents requires that any such waiver must demonstrate that the petitioner is mature enough to make this decision or that it is not in the teen’s best interest to inform their parents.
Seeing where this is going Danica jumps to her feet to respond.
DANICA
You ask if she’s mature enough to make this decision, but you don’t ask if she’s mature enough to actually raise a child. And if she is not financially or emotionally prepared to do so, should that burden fall on the state?
JUDGE
Counselor, I am done hearing arguments and have made my decision. Please sit down.
She does.
JUDGE (CONT’D)
First, I heard no argument here that convinces me that informing the parents would cause any harm or difficulty to their child.
(beat)
She also deferred to you during this hearing. That does not connote the maturity to make one’s own decisions.
(beat)
JUDGE (CONT’D)
Second, the law requires me to establish the criteria of both intelligence and credibility to determine whether a minor can make the decision to abort without parental consent.
He refers to a paper on his bench.
JUDGE (CONT’D)
This petitioner told the court in sworn written testimony that she had a B average in school. However, upon reviewing her academic record we find an average GPA of 2.85 – not a B average. This inconsistency suggests to me either a lack of intelligence or credibility, therefore not meeting the established criteria set by law.
There’s a long silence while Cyrus pins Dani with a steely eye, daring her to object to his logic.
JUDGE (CONT’D)
Counselor, you argued that the moral issue here was that of the freedom of a woman to control the reproductive functions of her own body. But I say the moral question is rather – under what circumstances can a human being be permitted to take the life of another?
The Judge now turns to Jane Doe, who is nearly in tears.
JUDGE (CONT’D)
Young lady, I suggest that you not only notify your parents as to your situation, but also your intention to end the life of their unborn grandchild.!
He bangs his gavel hard.
JUDGE (CONT’D)
Judicial Bypass is denied. This hearing is adjourned.
Danica and her client both look stunned. They silently get up and walk out the back doors into the court hallway.
TEEN
(in distress)
He said no because of my grades!?
DANICA
We have one more appeal we can make.
TEEN
But I’m almost out of time!
DANICA
I know. But we also knew this judge was predisposed to find any trivial reason to deny your case. So, now we move on. And we do so quickly.
-
June Fortunato’s Hope and Fear in action for Retirement Day 6 of Boldness
What I learned: I’d mapped out the scene but it was too complex, too much for one scene to carry. This scene is part of my plan. Apologies for the lateness of this assignment. I was out of town for 5 days, and now I’m 5 days behind.
Roy Dent Explosive side, charming, seductive, guilt, rescuer impulse, wit, rejection of authority. Horrified Roy might have to take benefits from a government he loathes when his body is ruined but he falls in love with Kim and has to talk her into how good it could be.
Suzy the nurse Welsh Self less, deep empathy, afraid to stop going, longs to believe in the good, matchmaker for all kinds of things. When Suzy finally dumps Roy, he returns all broken to her osteo unit. She tries to get him fixed up in several ways: physically, with his financial benefits and with a place to live to make sure he never returns to her.
Situation, goal and main threat
Roy is in the hospital.
Goal: The clock is ticking to get a permanent place to live so he has to get out and get himself set- an extremely difficult task.
Threat:
His kidney wouldn’t stop bleeding, so he had an emergency catherization. Now he’s stuck in the hospital for at least another day.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM- OSTEO UNIT – ROY’S
Attendant Tim settles Roy into his room after his procedure when Suzy walks in.
ROY
(a bit shaky) FEAR THAT THE SURGERY DID NOT GO WELL
This here’s Tim my old friend but he always pushes me around.
Tim laughs. Suzy looks at Roy’s report.
SUZY
Thanks Tim.
Tim takes his leave.
SUZY
How’re you feeling, Roy?
ROY
Radical. I like to watch when someone shoves a reel of wire up my thigh. And I’ll never need a
cell phone again. You can call me and my kidney will answer.
SUZY
It always did.
Roy laughs. It hurts.
SUZY
Roy. Doc says it went perfectly but we won’t know for at least a day if it’ll stop the bleeding. No
midnight roaming tonight for you.
HOPE BUT ALSO FEAR OF NOT FINDING A PLACE IN TIME
ROY
Ah, Suuz, and I thought you’d go out on the town with me.
SUZY
Yeah. Nah. Busy at nights.
This turns Roy’s mood.
FEAR- SUZY HAS LEFT ME PERMANENTLY
ROY
Fancy pants?
SUZY
No, Wolfgang and Ludwig. You’d like them. They’re big, strong Germans.
Now Roy is completely unhappy. Suzy laughs.
SUZY
They’re dogs. I’m petsitting. Which I’d prefer not to. When you feel better, I’ll introduce you to
their person. She’s here on the floor. Rest. You’ve had a day.
HOPE – SO MAYBE SUZY AND ROY CAN STILL GET TOGETHER
Suzy’s almost out the door.
ROY
I love dogs.
And now Suzy has a plan.
HOPE
-
Day 6 – Uncertainty – Assignment (part 2)
Mike O – Hope/Fear in action
What I learned is that dialogue does a lot of the heavy lifting for a writer. It allows for setups, for future scenes and for creating anticipation. Personally, I believe it will make or break your script.
——————
1. Pick a scene where the hero is going for a goal and a potential threat is present. List the situation, goal and main threat. Here’s my example:Situation: Carolyn is pitching a job to Brooklyn as it will benefit her career greatly. Goal: Carolyn wants Brooklyn, her friend and client, to become a super star.
Threat: Brooklyn will turn it down due to personal reasons.2. Write out the structure of a scene where the hero is going for a goal and it’s threatened.
A. Carolyn lets Brooklyn know that Iverson wants her to paint the murals for his new villa.
B. Brooklyn balks, knows Iverson wants more from her than her artistic abilities.
C. Brooklyn changes subject, tells her she needs to settle her father’s estate.3. Go back through and look for places where they can get hope they’ll succeed and where that hope can be threatened. Add those to your structure.
HOPE #1. Carolyn lets Brooklyn know that Iverson is wanting her to paint his murals
Brooklyn is both flattered and hesitant.
FEAR #1. Brooklyn explains that Iverson is after more than murals. Carolyn says “He might be a great guy. Give me a chance, you could do a lot worse.”HOPE #2. Brooklyn: “I’ll go and listen, do some preliminary sketches, no promises.” Carolyn: “Excellent. That’s all I’m asking, you give it your best. Who knows”
FEAR # 2: Brooklyn “What if he doesn’t like any of my ideas. I mean, he is powerful and could just as easily squash my career and reputation. “
Carolyn: “Don’t go there. If he didn’t think you were the person for the job, he wouldn’t have bought your work at the gallery showing the other night.HOPE #3. Brooklyn brightens up. “You’re right. That tripartite series represents my best work to date.”
Carolyn: “It does. The man knows talent and appreciates beauty. He has a passion for art.”
FEAR #3. Brooklyn “I know.” What she fails to say shows on her face. Carolyn: “Focus on the work, on the murals. The rest will, as they say, work itself out.” Carolyn’s voice and lack of conviction do not go unnoticed.4. Once you have your hope/fear structure, write the scene.
========================================================
INT. CAFE – NEXT MORNING
Sunglasses and moving gingerly, Brooklyn follows Carolyn’s lead. If she is feeling any ill effects from last night’s merry-making, it isn’t evident. She is her boisterous self.
At a window table, they have coffee and share a pastry. Carolyn hands Brooklyn a sealed envelope. Look on her face that of a proud mother.
Carolyn waits for her to open the envelope.
CAROLYN “Listen, Iverson has it in his head you’ll be the one to paint the murals for his villa.“
Brooklyn reads the figure on the check. Look of disbelief passes over her. She looks at Carolyn.
BROOKLYN “Serious? He asked me how I felt about murals on our drive in from the airport. I didn’t think anything of it, just making small talk.”
CAROLYN “It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. The exposure alone is worth its weight in gold.”
Brooklyn slips the check back in the envelope, folds it in half and puts it in her purse.
BROOKLYN “I can’t believe any of this. It’s a dream come true. And it’s all happening so fast.”
CAROLYN “You’ve earned it. Iverson’s home will appear in Architectural Digest and who knows where else. Success is the end result of a lot of hard work.”
BROOKLYN “ What if he doesn’t like any of my ideas. I mean, he is powerful and could just as easily squash my career and reputation.”
CAROLYN “Don’t go there. If he didn’t think you were the person for the job, he wouldn’t have bought your work at the gallery showing the other night.”
BROOKLYN (brightens) “You’re right. That tripartite series represents my best work to date.”
CAROLYN “It does. The man knows talent and appreciates beauty. He has a passion for art.”
BROOKLYN “I know.” What she fails to say shows on her face.
CAROLYN “But? What is it?”
BROOKLYN “I think he wants more than murals. The way he looks at me, his hand on the small of my back when he was leading onto the dance floor.”
CAROLYN “Granted, he’s a few years older, but the man lives in a world we can only imagine. He would be a great provider.”
BROOKLYN (makes an ew face) “You sound like my mom. I don’t love him… I don’t even know him.”
CAROLYN “Then, get to know him. Take him out for a test drive. Trust me, love at first sight is for gooey-eyed sixteen year olds. “
BROOKLYN (vasicllates) “I don’t know.”
CAROLYN “Focus on the work, on the murals. The rest will, as they say, work itself out.”
Carolyn’s voice and lack of conviction do not go unnoticed.
Log in to reply.