Day 6 Assignments

[Renee Brown]

Renee Brown’s Reveals

“My scripts are the cream that rise to the top. I am an A-list screenwriter.”

What I learned: Listing out all the reveals and where to stack the set ups really helps fill in the info that is in my head, but not on the page. Once on the page, I could easily move it around in the outline to live where it would be most effective.

Lillian’s Resort Motel

Star-crossed lovers reunite decades later in a small Montana town holding big hearted secrets.

Genre: Romantic Drama

REVEALS:

What will you reveal? Alley misunderstood CJ making fun of the other singer.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 When we see CJ’s side through flashback

What setups need to be in place? Alley’s version that we see first.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act one turning point – heartbreak

What will you reveal? Lillian’s dream adventure lands her in Nowhere Miss.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 lost years.

What setups need to be in place? Her sister and her having a conversation about the list of what they think America is.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Before she takes the ship

What will you reveal? – CJ is the grounds keeper at LRM.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 When he reveals himself in the hot springs.

What setups need to be in place? We see him when she checks in. He is wearing the other half of the stone when we see him. He pockets the stone in the hospital but not wear it yet.

Where in the story do those setups belong? In the flashbacks, then in the hotsprings.

What will you reveal Lillian has been in soaking springs

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 2 turning point When she eats the cookie

What setups need to be in place? All the cookie scenes. With CJ, learning how to make them, Lillian making them…

Where in the story do those setups belong? Early with CJ when they are admitting weaknesses, with Lillian when she is making them,

What will you reveal? CJ knows where Lillian is – rest home Missoula

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 turning point

What setups need to be in place? Alley in her life waiting for elderly to cross the road at rest home. Maybe she gets out and helps her? We see her wait again when she comes back?

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act 2 Lost years.

What will you reveal? Alley was wrong about the argument. CJ worshiped her

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 The big fight in Soaking Springs

What setups need to be in place? We have already seen both sides

Where in the story do those setups belong? Flashback with CJ

What will you reveal? Most of the stories Lillian told to Alley were lies

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 4 Climax

What setups need to be in place? Little Alley hearing the love stories while making cookies.

Where in the story do those setups belong? Act 1 hope/love flashback with CJ- establishes she has him on a pedestal.

Act 1: (Hope / Love)

INT. ALLEY’S BEDROOM (2001)

Alley Hopeful, talented young singer songwriter sits alone in her bedroom. Sings her heart out – a song she wrote based on an old, tattered Postcard of Montana that her grandmother left behind.

EXT. GRAVEYARD – NORMANDY (1946)

17-year-old Lillian Lamont War torn Normandy. Lillian’s Mother and Father’s funeral. Cries of Joy rise from the town. The war is over. Lillian throws the flowers she holds into the grave and bolts toward town.

EXT. STREET – NORMANDY (1946)

A parade of American solders marches through the streets. Inciting Incident: Lillian catches the American penny that Joe tosses from a tank in the parade.

INT. STREET CAFÉ – NORMANDY (1946)

Broken English and French from both. Joe stumbles on his words, talks about the one thing war taught him… don’t wait a second to grab love, da da da. Takes a knee, asks Lillian to marry him. The whole café cheers….

INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH – NORMANDY (1946)

Half the back wall is gone, but the sun still streams through the glass window. After the ceremony, joe makes an offhand remark about guess his family will have to be ok with it being a Catholic wedding… Lillian doesn’t catch the meaning, she’s so happy.

EXT. CHURCH

Instead of getting into a honeymoon car, Joe leaves with his guys. They’re shipping out. Joe gives Alley her ticket for a civilian ship to follow. Tells her to catch that boat no matter what. Lillian leaves with her sister. Lillian and her sister have a bit where they fantasize about Lillian’s American Adventure.

EXT. STREET MARKET – MISSOULA MONTANA (2001)

Wandering Street jeweler CJ Falls for Alley on first touch when measuring her for a necklace. His wares are laid out on an open case balanced on the seat of his motorcycle. Alley picks out a half-broken stone for her necklace – likes the color. Not scared of broken things. CJ says he can round it out. He pockets the other half. Best friend Charlie rolls up on bike – establish he’s a climber.

SERIES OF SCENES – MISSOULA

Alley prepares the Debut of her song “Maybe Montana” for a big open mic night in Missoula.

We get a bit about the cookies that only Alley and her grandma know how to make.

We get exposition of Alley’s long-lost grandmother. How she just disappeared one day. Alley eats cookies small bites, CJ eats them whole, teases Alley about keeping a secret recipe from the world. At “their place” on the river, CJ tells Alley about his mom – a cheater. Left him and his dad when he was seven.

Turning Point 1: (Heartbreak)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Lillian sitting on the dock in America, Joe is not there to receive her. They want to put her back on the boat to return to France. Lillian refuses.

EXT. CJ’s HOUSE – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley overhears CJ and Charlie slamming one of the singers at open mic. Alley she thinks he is talking about her. Hurt and betrayed, Alley confronts and leaves CJ on the spot. CJ has no idea why. He accuses Alley of having another lover. Alley is so hurt; she lets him think he is right.

EXT. RIVER – MISSOULA (2001)

Alley marches to “their spot” on the river and throws in the necklace CJ made for her in.

We see the necklace underwater getting caught on a snag.

Act 2; (Lost Years)

EXT. DOCK – FLORIDA (1947)

Joe shows up at the last moment on a little motorcycle. His car broke down and he traded it for the moto to get there in time. Great! Until…

EXT. DIRT ROAD – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Lillian arrives with Joe at their new home, only to realize her fantasy adventure lands her in deep woods Mississippi. Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1947)

Joe’s family has a hard time accepting the “Fancy French” outsider. This is not Lillian’s idea of her American adventure. Lillian packs her bags to bolt, she then finds out she is pregnant. She stays.

One day, Joe and brothers bring home a small deer in the back of the truck. She is sad, it’s so small. After butchering it, Joe has the head mounted. This little buck hangs in their living room. Lillian alternates between not being able to look at it and talking to it sometimes like the friend she does not have.

SERIES OF SCENES – OUTSDIE MISSOULA (2001)

CJ nurses his broken heart in recklessness. He gets drunk with best friend Charlie, his dog gets hit by a truck, and CJ gets into a near fatal accident taking Sam (dog) up the mountain to die at home.

MISSOULA ( PRESENT DAY )

Alley’s apathy driven life falls apart. Alley goes to her best friend, Lauren. Lauren calls out that Alley hasn’t really smiled in years.

Being called out by her bestie stings, and Alley goes to Soaking Springs MT to regroup. Stays at Lillian’s Resort Motel because the name reminds her of her long-lost grandmother, Lillian.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA – LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

CJ, Now the groundskeeper at Lillian’s Resort Motel, spots Alley when she arrives, but does not yet reveal himself.

CJ holds the necklace he made for himself that matched hers. He relives the painful memories of the breakup. In this way we see the other side of the breakup and realize Alley’s recollection is woefully inaccurate.

At first, we were sympathetic with Alley’s broken heart and we kinda thought CJ was a jerk. But after we see CJ’s side, we are rooting for him, and frustrated with Alley for ruining both their lives by reacting so rashly to an innocent misunderstanding.

Both Alley and CJ have been living with the pain of betrayals that never happened. Their young lives spun into apathy and chaos because of prideful misunderstandings by both.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint ALLEY

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The morning coffee service includes a plate of cookies from the local bakery – the very same cookies that only Alley and Lillian know how to make. Alley picks up one of the cookies, smells it, takes a small bite.

Alley must contemplate that long-lost Grandma (Lillian) has been in Soaking Springs the whole time.

SERIES OF SCENES – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

A very pregnant and homesick Lillian explains to the deer on the wall about how her mother used to make these cookies every time fresh cream was delivered. The kitchen is a mess, the garbage piled with discarded cookies, a new batch in the works. Joe’s mother comes in and yells at her for all the wasted ingredients.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint LILLIAN

INT. DINING ROOM – NOWHERE MISSISSIPPI (1948)

Lillian and Joe’s turn to host family dinner. But the fam doesn’t like her cooking. She tries to save it with her now perfected cookies, but the banter gets mean, and Joe takes a stand. Lillian and Joe move to the city… which is really just a small town.

Act 3: (A New Life)

THE NEW TOWN (1990)

Lillian and Joe raise their daughter who then has a daughter. Now grandma Lillian teaches Alley to make the cookies. When Lillian is 62, Joe has a heart attack and dies. Lillian leaves a note for Alley with the collection of postcards she brought with her to America. Lillian leaves without a trace. She takes the deer head with her.

SOAKING SPRINGS, MONTANA (1990 – 2010)

Lillian lands in Soaking Springs MT and uses the money from Joe’s life insurance to start Lillian’s Resort Motel. She runs it for decades.

At the age of 83, instead of reuniting with any of the family she abandoned 30 years ago, Lillian sells the Motel and checks herself into a rest home in Missoula when she starts forgetting things.

IN THE HOT SPRINGS

CJ reveals himself to Alley. He looks different now, because of the accident, and his head scars, his hair doesn’t grow right, so he keeps his head shaved. But he still wears the necklace he made from the other half of the stone Alley picked out when they met.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

Alley tells him she threw the necklace that he gave her into the river at “their spot”. Even in conflict, they feel the old flame to spite themselves.

They almost kiss, and CJ asks Alley to play a song for him… She thinks he is making fun of her. They get in a fight about the past. Alley leaves Soaking Springs.

CJ has a flashback of his accident – driving Sam up the mountain. CJ rolls his truck down the raven and gets trapped under the truck. In the hospital, CJ holds the necklace.

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ dives into the river to search for the necklace. It has been waiting, caught on a river wash tree for all these years. He almost dies in this attempt when the underwater river wash tree breaks free from his efforts and rolls on him.

Turning Point 3:

MISSOULA (PRESENT DAY)

CJ takes the necklace to Alley and lays his heart on the line but is rebuffed by a confused Alley. He retreats with his re-broken heart, but not before he drops the bomb on Alley — Lillian is in a rest home in Missoula (only miles from Alley all these years). He was sworn to secrecy by Lillian years ago.

Act 4 Climax: (What is Love, Anyway)

Alley finds the rest home, confronts Lillian. Asks Lillian if the stories she told of her love with Joe were true. Having made up a faux history for herself in Montana for so long, Lillian hardy knows what was real and what wasn’t.

Alley learns the hyper-romantic stories Lillian told her years ago were mostly made up and realizes she has built her entire concept of love on a foundation of lies. Alley finds a pic of Lillian and CJ on the wall.

Resolution: (Surrender)

Alley realizes she has rejected her true love, twice! Alley swallows her pride, sheds her unrealistic expectations of perfect love, and gives her heart to CJ. CJ invites Alley to buy Lillian’s Resort Motel together. He finally kisses her with epic abandon.

At the rest home, Lillian drifts off into sleep then into death and is reunited with Joe.

LILLIAN’S RESORT MOTEL (PRESENT DAY)

The deer hangs on the wall, Lillian’s penny around its neck. Alley and CJ are running the Motel partner with Brenda to sell Lillian’s cookies.

[Gisele FRAZEUR]

Gisele Frazeur’s Reveals

My vision: I am going to work diligently to become a brilliant, reliable screenwriter who is sought after, regularly produced, highly paid, and awarded. Artistic fulfillment and financial freedom will result from the achievement of this goal!

What I learned doing this assignment is: Reveals can engage the audience.

Title: On The Scent

Genre: Thriller

What will you reveal? Hank is missing a toe.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3. After having sex with Hank, Darin finds a bloody sock.

What setups need to be in place to have the reveal work? The toe in an appetizer – – which a guest chokes on – – at Darin’s award ceremony (Act 1). Also, Darin noticing Hank sleeps with his socks on (Act 2).

Where in the story do those setups belong? Before Darin becomes suspicious of Hank.

What will you reveal? Leff-T has been setup to look guilty of Livie’s murder.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Hank’s meeting with the drug traffickers who are blackmailing him. Act 2.

What setups need to be in place to have the reveal work? The toe in the meatball in the opening. The hang up phone call in the Limo. The protestors at the awards ceremony. The shooting of Darin and Livie. The death threat in the mail. All in Act 1.

Where in the story do these setups belong? Previous to Leff-T being cleared as a suspect at the 2nd turning point.

What will you reveal? Violets caused Pookie to fail in scenting drugs being smuggled.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 3 — when Darin tests how ionone arrests Pookie’s sense of smell.

What setups need to be in place to have the reveal work? Pookie failing in her job. Pookie barking at the violet perfume. Pookie pulling up the violets in the garden. Pookie being agitated by the condolence flowers delivered to Darin.

Where in the story do these setups belong? Previous to Darin suspecting Hank.

Act 1: Threats against Perfumer Darin August seemingly result in her pregnant sister’s murder.

Darin PJ1: Darin arrives at the FiFi awards with her sister Livie. They fight their way through Leff-T’s protestors to enter the ceremonial hall.

Darin PJ2: At the reception preceding the awards, Darin performs an emergency tracheotomy on a stranger who is choking to death.

Darin PJ3: Darin accepts her awards and gives a speech.

Darin PJ4: Following the awards ceremony Police inform Darin the chocking victim had eaten an appetizer laced with a human toe. They additionally inform her they believe she or her sister may have been the intended target.

Darin PJ5: Darin and Livie exit awards – – and are accosted by Leff-T’s protestors while getting to their car. Darin protects Livie by punching a protestor who blocks Livie’s access to their ride.

Deeper Layer: What is supposed to be a joyous evening for Darin has a cloud of doom hanging over it – – as she is placed in threatening situations at every turn. All signs point to Leff-T as a suspect.

Inciting Incident: Upon their return home – – Darin and Livie are shot at.

Turning Point 1: Livie is pronounced dead at the hospital.

Darin PJ6: Darin is questioned by police then informed of her sister’s death.

Hank AJ1: Hank arrives at the hospital and is informed of his wife’s death.

Act 2: Darin vows to avenge her pregnant sister’s murder – – slowly falling off the rails.

Darin PJ7: Darin’s mother accuses Darin of being responsible for Livie’s death at the funeral. Darin slaps her.

Pookie 1: Agitated by condolence flowers sent to Darin.

Hank AJ2: Hank plies Darin (a recovering alcoholic) with alcohol to calm her nerves and ease her stress.

Darin PJ8: Darin receives mail with a death threat and turns to alcohol for relief.

Hank AJ3: Hank forces a gun on Darin for protection.

Darin PJ9: Darin shows up at Leff-T’s mansion drunk – – brandishing a gun. She shoots out his surveillance cameras and shoots at his home – – demanding he meet her face-to-face to enact justice.

Darin PJ10: In a drunken blackout Darin is returned home safely by Leff-T.

Darin PJ11: A hungover Darin checks in with her boss and is put on leave for the bad press she is generating.

Pookie 2: Agitated by chemicals Darin is working with from home.

Deeper Layer: Hank, having encouraged Darin’s drinking knowing she is an alcoholic, is suspect. Additionally – – his forcing a gun on her for protection when she fears them since a childhood incident with one – – is also suspect.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Leff-T is cleared as a suspect / gives a televised interview apologizing to Darin for the boycott and requesting his followers stand down.

Hank AJ4: Traffickers inform him they will try and find another suspect to deflect ongoing investigation – – contingent upon Hank extorting more scientific information from Darin to defeat sniffer dogs during drug transport.

Hank AJ5: Hank seduces Darin after plying her with alcohol / successfully extorts another scientific idea to make his sniffer dog fail.

Darin PJ12: Darin’s AA sponsee, Dharma, reaches out to Darin about her drinking. Dharma works with dogs and points out Pookie’s odd behavior – – digging up violets in Darin’s garden.

Darin PJ13: Darin has a pregnancy scare. Disgusted with herself for having slept with her dead sister’s husband, she vows to stop drinking and distance herself from Hank.

Hank AJ6: Hank’s works another case wherein drugs are successfully smuggled as his new sniffer dog fails to scent.

Deeper Layer: Pookie’s odd behavior hints at something being “off” with his handler (Hank). Hank sleeping with his dead wife’s sister is “off” somehow.

Act 3: Darin puts the pieces together.

Darin PJ14: Darin gets fully back on the wagon.

Darin PJ15: Darin enlists Dharma’s help to make sense of what Pookie has been trying to communicate.

Darin PJ16: Darin receives intel from Leff-T – – from his gang ties – – which casts suspicion on Hank.

Darin PJ17: Darin and Dharma begin doing scent experiments with Pookie.

Hank AJ7: Hank is told by the blackmailers to throw Darin off the scent, or they will kill her and expose him.

Hank AJ8: Hank has Dharma overdosed.

Turning Point 3: Dharma’s overdose.

Darin PJ18: Darin learns of Dharma’s overdose.

Darin PJ19: Darin pretends to be drinking, seduces Hank, leaking false scientific info to him.

Darin PJ20: Darin rummages through Hank’s things and finds a bloody right sock – – realizing he might be missing a toe.

Darin PJ21: Darin confers with one of Hank’s colleagues to access body camera footage of Pookie’s failed drug scent.

Darin PJ22: Darin tests Pookie’s nose – – discovering which compound is freaking the dog out.

Deeper Layer: Darin and Pookie are healing each other. They are solving the crime together. Solving the crime is strengthening Darin, her resolve, her sobriety, her purchase on life.

Act 4 Climax: The showdown.

Hank AJ9: Hanks’ sniffer dog successfully alerts to drugs being smuggled.

Hank AJ10: Hanks goes on the run.

Darin PJ23: Having put the pieces together – – Darin follows Hank then confronts him with the truth.

Hank AJ11: Hank confesses everything during a shoot-out with Darin, Leff-T, and Pookie.

Darin PJ24: Darin shoots Hank.

Deeper Layer: Darin realizes she is not responsible for Livie’s death. The healing can begin. She has kept her promise and avenged her sister’s death.

Resolution: Darin accepting FiFi award for “Dog Perfume” she made for Livie. Her husband, Leff-T, their baby daughter, Livie, and Pookie watch the ceremony.

[Robert Smith]

ROBERT SMITH’s REVEALS

VISION:

I want to become a great writer who delivers entertaining, informative, and uplifting scripts that sell and get produced.

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

Careful setups and reveals create interest and drive the story.

SETUPS AND REVEALS

ACT ONE: Setup: The assassination of Lou Tasca is the set up for what happens in the story.

INCITING INCIDENT: REVEAL: Lou cannot make it into the World to Come because of his life of crime, he can only redeem himself by talking his killer (Carlo) into quitting the mob, flipping, and entering the Witness Protection Program.

BEGINNING SETUP: Stripper Michelle Ippolito at Tony Rizzo’s Playhouse Gentlemen’s Club, and Boris at Russian crime boss Oleg Oransky’ Trump Tower apartment, seem suspiciously inquisitive.

BEGINNING – SETUP: Tony had ordered Carlo to whack Lou because Lou had spilled Giordano family secrets to other crime families.

ACT 1 – REVEAL: Solomon reveals to Lou that the reason Tony ordered Carlo to assassinate him is that he (Lou) was spilling family secrets to other crime families. That is insulting enough to Lou, but also the real reason Tony wanted Lou out of the way was because he owed him $200,000 in gambling debts and didn’t want to pay it.

ACT 2 – SETUP: Sherrie (Carlo’s fiancé) secures the services of her pole dancing partner Zoey the Psychic Stripper to conduct a séance in order to escort the spirit of Lou Tasca into the hereafter.

ACT 2: SETUP Rabbi Solomon teaches Lou how to spiritually possess Carlo to tell Zoey to stop the séance and bud out of Rabbi Solomon and Lou’s mission to get Carlo to quit the mob.

REVEAL: All happens as planned.

BEGINNING: Don Primo Giordano does not choose Tony Rizzo to be his Underboss (2^nd in command). Tony mulls over the idea of leaving the Giordano family and creating his own family.

ACT 3: REVEAL: Oleg plays a tape for Tony of Don Primo Giordano denouncing Tony who he says he should probably whack because he’s a trigger-happy rebel and a drunken gambler who will draw heat. Tony then says he will whack Don Primo and start his own mafia family.

[Bill kellas]

Satans son’s secrets

Lesson 4: What’s beneath the surface?Lesson 5: 4-Act Structure – Turning Points

Module 3:

Lesson 3: Characters for SubtextLesson 4: Character IntrigueLesson 6: Character Profiles

3. Using that info, make a list of your answers to these four questions:

Question 1: What will you reveal? Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

4. Build all of those into your outline, making sure there are setups for each reveal and that you have reveals in every Act

: Satans son’s secrets Screenwriting classes

Subject: Trilogy 2 Satans son’s secrets

Beginning this is the set up from smarter than God ,Satans story

Kids Trained in Satans Soviet school for spy’s,assassins and analysts before the fall of USSR. After the fall they escape into Italian earth energy cult called Damanhur at the foot of the Alps.setup

Insighting insident

After Murder at Davos where their father is killed in an assassination plot. Reveal

The Family is forced to Flee to America mom married a mafia hit man who turns states evidence so she could get citizenship . Setup

Family shipped to Monrovia California under witness protection program

Step dad becomes a bookie for sports gambling and works out of Santa Anita Racetrack. Setup

That’s Where he beats a dead beat gambler almost to death who didn’t pay him his gambling debts.reveal

Troy is playing 4 timed chess matches at the same time and wins them all a bad looser try’s to confront him and is taken down verbally and then physically.

Troy says I hate mind less bully’s ,gangs and mobs. Setup

Turning point 1

First day at new school Cane is confronted by football players saying unsavory comments about his sister while trying to hit on her.

Cane confronts the quarterback a player slips behind Cane so the QB can push Cane over him . However Cane then flips over him and breaks his leg and the QBs arm in the process.reveal

It turns out he broke the receiver’s leg and QB s arm that gets him sent to the principal’s office.setup

However because ~Cane and Troy demolished the QB and star receiver they are in the principal’s office where they meet the head coach who gives them the ramifications of their actions.

They’re informed that ether they must replace them and learn to play football or face expulsion before the first game.setup

Act 2

They learn to play with help from a neighbor who played for the Rams.setup
Cane becomes Quarterback and Troy receiver as they developed both moves and timing patterns that knowone in high school could defend.

A undefeated season ensues after overcoming tough competition the college offers follow.reveal

However After the joy of celebrating their winning the championship setup ,they discovered that during the festivities their sister was kidnapped and ransom is 5 million dollars.reveal

Turning point 2

Sooo mom and the boys start trying to figure how to make ransom money somehow .setup

Mom a scientist at JPL in Pasadena and Troy a genius developed state of the art quantum computer to solve problems like atomic fusion that could power the grid. Troy’s computer also solved the unfolding of proteins that helped solve many genetic autoimmune diseases both could make a king’s ransom but step dad wants to use it for crime. Reveal

While DARPA wants to use the fusion reactor to power a Cyborg army that normally would be used in warfare.setup

While Troy is hooked to the state of the art quantum computer for problem solving and emulating systems.setup
However Troy wants to use it to designed a plan To raise the money for Amy’s ransom .

Their step father uses it to run probability programs to shave off points on the game’s to beat the odds and win money. After that he pretends to launder but really invests the cartels drug money. He does this by taking slices off every stock trade investing their funds in the process corners the cripto currencies funding his own brokerage.

After overshooting the 5 million dollar ransom they go on to make and because step dads greed lose billions.setup

However This gets the attention of the federal government,Mexican drug cartel and the mafia which are now all after them for different reasons.

Act 3

Sooo They give an all family hug as they are on the run again fleeing their home , when a van hits them causing mom to break her neck.setup &reveal

This sets up Troy to loose his sight and Cane breaks both his arms and legs trying to stop himself from going through the front windshield.reveal

Turning point

That’s when The people in the van take Cane. they finish the job his mother and brother started. They did this by equiping him with the physical robotics,thermal eyes , a hive connection to a massive quantum computer network through neurological link like Troy was. This along with armaments and drone like flying capabilities would make Cane the perfect solder.setup

Since Troy lost his vision and couldn’t find where his mom was . Sooo he goes back home where he meets up with the pastors daughter Molly who leads he and his sister to the lord. After repentance and praying For God to give him spiritual eyes to see through a world of deception and lies. God grants him spiritual eyesight and all the powers in the Bible plus all other senses become enhanced.setup

Act 4 preparing for battle
Meanwhile Molly and Amy write and make songs first for church and then go on to win America has talent which starts a music career for both.setup

They help Troy recover as he puts to use and training by using the lords promised powers of the scriptures to grow in his walk with God. With the lord’s power to be able to enhance his other senses and see signs and wonders ,prophet and do miracles like the Bible. Troy develops the strength of Samson,the brains of Solomon and the faith of a prophetic

wonder workings of Elijah Troy becomes a force for good in God.

When working out Troy’s punch bursts the body bag and beats the gyms top warriors all at once.setup

In the mean time Cane is getting his Cyborg capabilities up to speed by the Satanic cult that is making him an Antichrist atheist beast transhuman warrior. Cane is having the same kind of success in his training as Troy unbeknownst to ether.

Canes and his team are building and army of transhuman soldiers who sink up as a hive controlled by the inventor queen who works for the beast to conquer the worlds nations. Setup

Troy is the only human that can stand up to Cane as the final battle is coming. That’s when Troy finds out the queen that they rebuilt is actually his long lost mom.reveal

Cane is forced to battle not under his own control but the hives control for the future of the worlds inhabitants if they are to be spiritual ,mechanical or technological.

Troy is killed in the battle setup that’s when Cane and his mother learn that the warrior was Troy. Reveal This brings the two to their knees to repent praying and asking God for forgiveness.

Sooo God resurrected Troy and brings the family back together for an all family hug.

The evil force that caused this all to happen the Dragon of old then shows up and released his power and turns all his army against the family. That’s when Christ returns to balance the equation and help his family overcome the Evil one.

Then as the real powers line up to face each other as Armageddon begins we Segway to the kids on space education pod as the start of ww3 begins the war of three worlds ,the next story of the trilogy. Setup for the rest of the story.

1.Smarter than God —Lucifer’s story

2.Satans son’s secrets— the twins revolution

3.World war 3 the war of three worlds —preparing for the next world .

Armageddon noun

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Ar·​ma·​ged·​don | \ ˌär-mə-ˈge-dᵊn \

Definition of Armageddon

1a: the site or time of a final and conclusive battle between the forces of good and evil

b: the battle taking place at Armageddon

2: a usually vast decisive conflict or confrontation

[Claudia Wolfkind]

Claudia’s Reveals!

Vision: To become such an excellent writer that I know every script I write will be well received by the industry, that my scripts will sell and be produced, and I’ll live the life of my dreams. To also become so empowered that fear is to be laughed at, instead I relish and look forward to pitching, meetings and much more.

What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment: Set Ups and Reveals prove that you are outlining your story correctly and logically.

ACT I

Set Up: Abby is booties, gloves

Reveal: Abby has a serious problem with germs

Set Up: Camera crew

Reveal: Her fear is destroying her dream

Set Up: Jack spills coffee / Relish Packs

Reveal: Jack is a slob (later find out he’s a hoarder/Relish Drawer)

Set Up: Father’s Heart attack

Reveal: Everyone depends on Abby; she must take over business

ACT II

Set Up: Abby needing to control maids

Reveal: Maids don’t respect her; Rosa believes should was due the job

Set Up: Abby working on the business

Reveal: The business is in serious financial trouble

Set Up: Boomer tries to get close to Abby

Reveal: Boomer’s trying to take over the business

Set Up: Jack shows Abby his warehouse

Reveal: Jack’s got an area that’s hidden

Reveal: Modular components

Set Up: Baseball hits Abby

Reveal: What caused Abby’s fear / Flashback

ACT III

Set Up: Maid Flu

Reveal: Boomer is paying off the maids

Set Up: Abby does an incredible job

Reveal: Gets a big job at a stately mansion

ACT IV

Set Up: Jack brings Boomer in to look at the books

Reveal: Boomer is trying to take over the business for his father’s law firm

Set Up: Abby realizes that Randall is Boomer

Reveal: Boomer taking over business / Breaks up with Jack

Set Up: Abby apologizes

Reveal: Maids show up and help her finish the job

Set Up: Major Event goes off well

Reveal: Abby gets her the business a huge contract

Set Up: Jack shows up in a Tux

Reveal: They get back together/kiss

[Zeke Farrow]

VISION FOR SUCCESS: I will deliver delicious, surprising, seemingly effortless work, that is constantly in demand and causes people to recommend me for original and rewrite projects without hesitation.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS Knowing what and where the reveals should be will really help keep the story on track.

TITLE: Mitchwich

CONCEPT: On graduation day, a petulant cynic goes back in time to the first day of high school and changes the event that he thinks ruined his life and when he returns, he meets his worst nightmare – HIMSELF.

GENRE: TEEN BUDDY COMEDY

WHAT/WHERE ARE THE REVEALS?

Mitch is a magician.

Mitch is a time travel scientist.

NEW MITCH is the new Mitch.

New Mitch is a pansexual.

New Mitch is in a tumultuous relationship with New Sophie

New Mitch is deep into skincare

New Mom is New Mitch’s assistant

New Dad is a conspiracy theorist.

New Dog doesn’t know tricks.

New Dog learns tricks

Mitch helps New Dad get over his conspiracy.

Mitch does transformational magic.

Time travel exists in the multiverse, not in a closed loop.

Mitch can get his old life back.

Robbie is gay.

Simon is dating Robbie.

ACT 1

Mitch is a magician at the start.

4 years later Mitch has invented a time machine.

Mitch gets stuck in New Mitch’s multiverse

ACT 2

New Mitch’s life and family/friends are all new.

New Mitch is dating/not dating Sophie.

New Mom

New Dad

New Sophie

New Robbie

New Simon

The magic show!

New Student Body

ACT 3

New Sophie seduces Mitch

New Mitch and Mitch have a 3way with New Sophie

New Mitch realizes he must put New Sophie before all else.

Mitch learns from New Sophie what her fantasy of a man is.

WHAT/WHERE DO THE SETUPS NEED TO BE?

ACT 1

Set up who the old version of the characters are – especially Mitch.

Mom

Dad

Robbie

Simon

Sophie

Dog

Mitch has a passion for magic.

Gives up magic for science.

Petrified of Sophie.

Bullied by Simon.

Too self-absorbed to be a good friend to Robbie.

Finishes time machine.

ACT 2

Mitch explains time travel to New Mitch.

Mitch pretends to be Cousin Mitch.

New Sophie and New Mitch are in a post-break-up dramatic fight.

New Mitch is rehearsing his new magic show – co-starring New Sophie, directed by New Robbie, produced by New Simon.

New Robbie and New Simon are dating.

New Mitch does transformational magic.

New Robbie wants Mitch to be part of the show!

Mitch redoes his old trick and it works!

New Sophie falls for Mitch at first sight like she did New Mitch four years ago.

ACT 3

New Sophie loves both the Mitch’s

New Sophie role-plays with Mitch.

Mitch expects to disappear when he catches up with the moment he left.

[Teresa Rodriguez]

Teresa Rodriguez’s Reveals!

MY VISION: I will become a highly respected and influential writer/producer with my own successful production company that I can leave as a blessing to my children and many generations to come.

THEME: Self-acceptance

What I learned from doing this assignment is: that it makes the story much more intriguing to have reveals in every act.

ACT 1:

SETUP: Lily, a clumsy, homeless looking girl in ragged, dirty clothes plays with wild animals in the forest.

REVEAL: The palace horns blare signaling the beginning of the royal ball of the century. It alerts Lily, she grabs her diamond tiara off a toadstool and races back towards the castle. She’s the princess.

SETUP: Her maids and fairies all swarm around, getting Lily ready for her nationally televised, big debut, birthday bash. She looks perfect.

REVEAL: Before she steps out to make her grand appearance, she rushes to the bathroom to pee but also throws up from the nerves; when she walks out, the back of her dress is tucked into her panties. She’s not the typical “perfect” fairytale princess.

SETUP: Lily’s stepfather is throwing her the biggest birthday bash in kingdom history; everything is perfect, including all the celebrity guests from other famous fairytales and the prince she is arranged to marry; however, he doesn’t show up. Then Lily slips, coming down the grand entrance stairs, taking out numerous VIP guests.

REVEAL: Her stepfather set her up to fail by having the stairs freshly waxed to set Lily up for a fall.

SETUP: The Stepfather tells Lily she’s an embarrassment to his perfect kingdom, no wonder the prince didn’t show, and that she’ll never make a good ruler.

REVEAL: The stepfather plans to steal the kingdom and orders the guards to kill Lily but wants it to look like a suicide. He also plans to rule forever by stealing the youth “essence” from village youngsters.

ACT 2:

SETUP: Alone and lost in the forest the animals hear her cries and take her to a farm for shelter. It’s the Dwarf’s home, but they kick her out for being a royal.

REVEAL: The Evil Stepfather banned the Dwarfs from the castle for not being perfect; now they hate all royalty. It’s their wound.

SETUP: Lily changes her look to disguise herself.

REVEAL: She has low self-esteem for not being a “perfect princess” in her Stepfather’s eyes. It is her wound. So, the disguise gives Lily a new lease on life.

ACT 3:

SETUP: The Evil Stepfather finalizes plans to steal “youth essence” from village youngsters.

REVEAL: Stepfather faked the Queen’s suicide. He is actually stealing the Queen’s “essence” since she was the “fairest of them all.” However, her essence is almost all gone, and she is dying.

ACT 4:

SETUP: Prince gets hurt and slips into a coma.

REVEAL: Lily hesitates to kiss him since he is already engaged. The Dwarfs talk her into kissing him; he awakens; she is his true love!

REVEAL FROM ACT ONE: Prince’s Mother shows up, relieved that Prince and Lily are in love since they are also promised to each other. Prince is really a prince! He didn’t get let into Lily’s birthday bash because he was thrown out for being imperfect.

SETUP: Lily fights and defeats the Evil Stepfather.

REVEAL: His “essence” drains out of his body, revealing that he is an “undesirable” too.

SETUP: Lily finds her mom, also saves her with a kiss.

REVEAL: The Mirror deems Lily the “fairest one of all” because she has the purest heart which makes her the most beautiful. Inner beauty shines to become outer beauty. OR, inner beauty outshines inner beauty.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Teresa Rodriguez.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Teresa Rodriguez.

[Andrew Kelm]

Andrew Kelm’s Reveals!

Vision: I am going to do whatever it takes to be a great writer of TV and movies who is sought after by people I respect within the industry and has multiple successful TV series produced.

What I learned doing this assignment is… how to get specific and strategize how to get the most out of reveals.

FATEMONGERS; a psychic with a blind spot for abusive men uses subtle manipulations to murder a sexual predator who seduces her to get to her sons.

ACT 1: DAPHNE RUNS OFF WITH ROY

• Opening: Daphne gives Terry -her BFF, a gay stylist who works for her mother -a reading that includes freely dipping into her own history and she tells him about her abusive relationships and how she never wants another man in her life; she wants independent success and to be taken seriously as a therapist.
• Daphne comes down into her mother’s hair salon after the reading. Terry chats up Daphne’s skills as a reader. Daphne protests that she is not a card reader and tries to describe what she does as a therapist. Boys make noise upstairs and mother complains.
• Inciting Incident: Roy steps into the salon to avoid someone pursuing him.
• Roy in the shop, mother is on him right away -if he is not there for a reason, he needs to leave; he spots Daphne and a sign advertising Daphne’s readings. He says he wants a reading. Mother wants to throw him out, but Daphne takes him upstairs.
• Daphne reads Roy like a book and sparks ignite between them. She tells him he should direct his criminal impulses toward ripping people off legally and get a job as a salesman.
• Daphne’s boys interrupt, and Roy takes an interest in them
• Gilbert, in his clerical collar, pokes his head in at the end of the reading to retrieve Roy. Daphne is angry at being interrupted; their first meeting is colored by the perceived insult.
• Daphne and Terry go to the beach; Terry’s friends ask for readings. Daphne charges and makes sure everyone knows she is not just a simple card reader. They humor her.
• Blowup between Daphne and her mother over the boys making noise. Mom threatens to evict her if she can’t control them.
• Her next client comes to the back door. Trent is a politician. She ribs him about not wanting to be seen.
• Daphne has a moment with her boys -she explains to them why they have to play quietly
• Roy comes back for another reading, with flowers. He has followed her advice. He got a salesman position with a car dealership. He ends up spending the night
• Mother finds out in the morning and starts a row.
• Turning Point: Daphne and Roy pack up the kids and leave.

ACT 2: LIFE AT THE MANSE

• Daphne, Roy and the kids move into Roy’s caretaker apartment at the manse.
• Gilbert pays Roy a visit and discovers Daphne and the kids moved into the caretaker’s apartment with him. Daphne pleads her case that they will be an asset -she can do some housekeeping work at the manse, and the boys can help Roy with yard work so he can spend more time with his salesman career.
• Roy goes over what yard work needs to be done with the boys. Carl is bonding with Roy, but Abe is not -he stands apart, sullen.
• Gilbert takes Roy out for a drive. Gilbert wants to pick up a hitchhiker and seduce him as is their routine, but Roy says he is through with that; he is now devoted to the family.
• They pick up a hitchhiker; Gilbert gives him a blowjob in the back seat while Roy sits in the front seat refusing to participate.
• While cleaning the manse, Daphne finds incriminating evidence suggesting that Gilbert is sexually abusing teenage boys.
• Daphne give Terry a reading. She gets the gossip on her mother. Terry grills her about doing a 180 from what she said she wanted earlier -independence. Daphne says the story isn’t over yet.
• Gilbert sees Terry leaving, and tells Daphne that while she is living in a Christian establishment, she can’t be performing witchcraft. She argues that she is a legitimate therapist -a life coach. He shifts gears and tells her he has a client for her.
• Through the kitchen window, Daphne spies Gilbert chatting up Carl as he does yard work.
• The client Gilbert refers is a teen-aged boy who is full-blown schizophrenic and Daphne tells him he needs to see a regular psychiatrist.
• Daphne asks Roy about her suspicions of Gilbert. Roy confesses that together, he and Gilbert would pick up young hitchhikers and have sex with them, but swears up and down that he would never do anything with her boys and all that is in the past. He is devoted to her and the family.
• schizophrenic client kills himself.
• Daphne gets a visit from police detective asking about her connection to the suicide.
• Gilbert tells Daphne she has to move out.
• Midpoint Turning Point: Daphne works Roy to get him to commit to the project of buying a house. Roy says that whatever happens he will stand by her.
• Daphne goes to a mortgage broker to see what would be required to buy a house.
• Daphne coaches Roy how to be a great salesman so he can make enough money that they can afford to move out.
• Roy becomes top salesman applying Daphne’s teaching.
• Daphne works her mother to get her to contribute to the downpayment; gets her to commit by agreeing to pay back the money if and when they sell.
• At mom’s insistence, they take out insurance on Roy’s life. Daphne protests loudly.
• Daphne and Roy find the house that speaks to her.

ACT 3: SUBURBAN SUCCESS

• Daphne sets up an office in their new home; buys a bunch of psychology books that she displays prominently.
• Roy helps the boys set up their rooms. He and Carl have fun, but Abe prefers to do it on his own.
• Gilbert pays a visit offering furniture
• Roy goes for a drive with Gilbert. On their way, they pick up a young hitchhiker. This time Roy participates
• In the evening, Roy and Daphne have sex but something is missing… Is he losing interest or is she? They discuss their commitment to each other, that is rests on a foundation of family more than sexual fidelity. Daphne reveals that she watched her mother kill the man who abused her as a child. And she has very little interest in sex as a result.
• Daphne gives a reading to Trent, her politician client from scene 1. They are interrupted by a visit from Detective. She sends him upstairs to hide.
• Detective asks more questions about the suicide; asks questions about her license, which she deftly swats away.
• When the detective is gone, She makes a case for herself to Trent as a respectable therapist and works his guilt so he will declare his loyalty.
• Roy makes a great sale at work.
• Roy celebrates after work with drinks.
• Roy goes off to a gay bar by himself and meets a young hustler.
• Daphne goes to the beach with Terry and some of his gay friends. Daphne finds out from Terry that he has seen Roy at a gay club.
• Daphne finds cocaine in Roy’s jacket pocket.
• Turning Point: Daphne confronts Roy and he confesses to having a new gay lover. She warns him she will kill him if he ever puts a hand on one of her sons, but they come to an agreement that they are a family unit now and need each other so they will support each other’s separate interests. Roy reiterates his commitment to her and the family.

ACT 4: DOUBLE INDEMNITY

• Daphne meets Steve at the beach with Terry, and they have a deep dark psychic connection. Terry warns her that Steve is bad news.
• Carl approaches Roy in his bedroom, flirtatious, saying he thinks there is something wrong with his penis and would Roy take a look? Roy is resolute in his promise not to involve the boys and doesn’t know what to do. They are seen by Daphne’s other son Abe.
• Abe tells Daphne what he has observed.
• Daphne spends a long sleepless night in her favorite chair meditating
• at the beach, she see Steve again and this time agrees to go home with him,
• In Steve’s apartment, they have rough sex, with Daphne egging him on deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his psyche till eventually he has her tied to a chair naked with a gun to her head.
• Roy finds the ligature marks on Daphne’s wrists and gets Daphne to confess to what happened with Steve.
• Trent arrives for a reading just in time to hear Daphne begging Roy not to go to Steve’s, it is dangerous, as he storms out the door and drives off in his car.
• Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Roy confronts Steve; Roy gets killed and boyfriend is arrested.
• Gilbert leads the funeral and drops hints that Daphne was the problem if not implicated in the death.
• After the funeral Daphne makes it clear to Gilbert that if she is under suspicion, she will drag Gilbert down with her.
• Same Police detective as before visits Daphne
• Daphne contacts Trent and tells him he has to contact the detective.
• Resolution: Terry brings over a casserole as Detective comes back for a final visit to tell Daphne, grudgingly, that she is in the clear. In conversation, Terry notes that Daphne now has everything she said she wanted and isn’t it fortunate the sequence of events. She responds that she has a guardian angel -someone looking out for her. It’s always been the case -if someone’s mean to her they always pay and she doesn’t have to do anything. Then she distracts him by talking about him.

[Lori Lance]

Lori’s Reveals

Vision: I want to be a professional screenwriter recognized by the industry as the go-to for family-friendly scripts and have multiple successful movies produced.

What I learned: Most of my reveals were already present in my previous outline, but this lesson forced me to think about how each will be set up and their timing.

Outline:

Act 1: (Setup) Alex causes trouble at the lab where she was created. Alex sneaks into an engineer’s office to play mind games with him. (Setup) She shares her desire to become part of a family and is told that’s not possible for her. Meanwhile, across town, it’s a hectic family morning for the Logans with news that (Set-up) Claire is returning to work after years of being a stay-at-home mom. The rest of the family doesn’t share Claire’s enthusiasm. (Setup) New neighbors move in next door to the Logans and appear to be the perfect family.

PJ 1: (Set-up) Brad stresses about his wife returning to work but doesn’t want to seem selfish. He openly supports her but comes off as insincere. This annoys Claire and then makes her question what she wants.

Triangle J 1: Claire is excited yet apprehensive about this new chapter in her life and wonders how it will affect the family. (Setup)She contemplates how things could go wrong. (Setup) She emphasizes to the family the importance of cleaning up their own messes. Claire packs to leave and says “goodbyes.”

Deeper Layer: Claire feels taken advantage of and thinks her needs are always put on the back burner. Brad’s identity is in his career, and (Setup) he wants his success to be enough for Claire.

AJ 1: After Alex’s creator gets fired, Alex decides she will take her life into her own hands. (Reveal) She hacks into the company’s computer, places herself in a category of AI housemaids, and then assigns herself an family, the Logans. To seal the deal, she offers the family a two-week free trial.

Inciting Incident: (Set-up) Claire must leave for training for two weeks, meaning Brad and the kids will be on their own. (Reveal) The kids beg Brad to hire an AI, and as “luck” would have it, they get approved for a free two-week trial.

Deeper Layer: (Setup) Brad and Claire have a tender moment together as they say goodbye.

Deeper Layer: (Setup) Claire gives her blessing and secretly hopes that the AI will get the house and family in order. The AI longs to become part of a family. (Reveal) Alex has real emotions but doesn’t know how to control them.

Turning Point 1: (Reveal) Alex shows up at the Logan home and charms the family. It’s all fun and games at first and seems too good to be true, knowing how Alex can manipulate people.

PJ 2: At first, Brad sees Alex as a high-tech toy. He is happy to see his kids getting along well with the AI. He loves the excitement the AI adds to their lives, but (Setup) he feels guilty for being attracted to her.

AJ 2: (Reveal) Alex is a “fish out of water,” and she sees everything as new and exciting. Alex tries to be the perfect homemaker and fails terribly in the most hilarious ways. She starts asking questions like, “Who is she?” “What is her purpose?” “Where does she belong?” Alex discovers her fear of being alone and her desire to create.

Triangle: (Setup) Claire feels some jealousy toward Alex.

Act 2: (Reveal) Unbeknownst to the family, Alex wants to take the mom’s place permanently. The audience knows Alex will go to great lengths to get her way. There’s no telling what she will do. Alex has rapidly changing emotions that she doesn’t know what to do with and that others have difficulty reading.

PJ 3: (Reveal) Brad is confused as his attraction for Alex escalates and tries to avoid her when possible. However, her attention is giving his ego a boost.

AJ 3: (Setup) Alex discovers her power over men and plans to use it to her advantage. (Reveal) She possibly fails in this area too. Alex becomes overly sensitive to criticism and stops trusting others. She becomes impulsive and starts living for the moment. She plays mind games with Brad. Brad struggles with moral issues.

Triangle J 2: (Reveal) Claire misses her family, and her new job quickly disappoints her. She faces a truckload of emotions: fear, shame, grief.

Deeper Level: Claire deals with office politics.

Deeper Level: Alex taunts Claire with fake pictures. (Reveal) Claire’s anger/jealousy toward Alex is growing.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: (Reveal) The AI plans to eliminate Claire, thinking she can take her place as wife and mother. (Reveal) The family discovers the AI’s evil plan. The kids hatch a plan to find a way to shut Alex down.

Deeper Layer: The danger of AI.

Act 3: The family and house are being destroyed.

PJ 4: (Reveal) Brad misses his wife and feels guilty about how things have unfolded. What he cares about most is in jeopardy.

AJ 4: (Reveal) Alex is mad at the family and is now out for revenge.

Triangle J 3: (Reveal) Claire has a confidence boost at work, and she calls Brad to share, but he doesn’t answer. Claire becomes worried when she can’t get ahold of anyone in the family. Just when Momma Bear is ready to attack, she gets sent on a wild goose chase thanks to the AI. Claire again questions her choice of going back to work.

Turning Point 3: (Reveal) The AI is mad at the family and is now out for revenge. While her previous endeavors failed, she is successful at destroying everything around her. (Reveal) Brad is angry that he was fooled by the AI and wants to protect his family. The family tries to get rid of the AI, which proves hard to do.

AJ 5: Alex is an emotional wreck and doesn’t know what to do with her big feelings.

Deeper Layer: (Reveal) Brad gets a reality check as he must decide what kind of man he wants to be. He tries to reach out to Claire but can’t reach her. He tries to protect the children.

PJ 5: The family must find a new way to work together.

Deeper Layer: The Logans must put differences aside and work together for a common goal. (Reveal) Brad needs to connect emotionally with his family. (Setup) Why can’t they be more like the new neighbors?

Triangle J 4: Claire desperately tries to get back home as she fears something awful has happened. Claire’s desperation grows as she has to go through a series of failed attempts to get home.

Deeper Layer: Family is worth fighting for. (Reveal) Brad reflects on the time he’s lost with his family and tries to make an emotional connection with the kids.

Act 4 – Climax: Brad leads his kids, and it’s one last fight to the “death” to get rid of the AI. Claire returns home to fight alongside her family against the AI. Claire gets to take the final blow. (Reveal) Noone’s taking her place.

AJ 6: (Reveal) Alex leaves the Logan family and finds the engineer that created her in hopes of starting a family with him.

Deeper Layer: Alex is crushed and still longs for connection.

Deeper Layer: (Reveal) The engineer knows what Alex is capable of and how his invention could potentially ruin humanity. He makes the painful decision to destroy her.

Resolution: The Logan family thinks the AI has been destroyed, and they work together to find a new normal that works for the whole family. (Reveal) Claire decides she wants to work from home, and her family is very supportive. (Reveal) The new neighbors aren’t what they seem. The wife is an AI.

[Rebecca Sukle]

Rebecca’s Reveals

Vision: My vision for my success from this program is to be the go-to writer for producers looking for incredible scripts for successful movies enjoyed by a vast viewing audience.

What I Learned: It can be tricky to know what to reveal, when, and how to set it up. Surprises with each reveal keep things interesting.

The Big Reveal:

Question 1: What will you reveal? Bucholtz is the 17th man, the officer Ragman left remain alive. (Opening setup)
Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? It will show up in Act 4 just before Bucholtz bites off Ragman’s earlobe.
Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have the reveal work? Bucholtz not being killed with his men. Bucholtz pays a detective for information on the American sniper. He begs to be sent to Russellton coalfields to oversee the evictions and break the strike there. He asks the boy cleaning the police barrack about war hero’s in Russellton. Requests a physical description of each. Once identified, Bucholtz targets Ragman and his family.
Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Before Bucholtz arrives in Russellton. Also, as he gets acclimated to the Russellton towns.

Reveal 2:

Question 1. What: How bad Ragman’s PTSD and Moral Injury from the Great Warn really is.

Question 2, When: (Act 4) When Ragman blows up and confronts Bucholtz.

Question 3, Set Ups: Ragman blows up at his new boss at the Oakland Hotel. (Act 1) Tells Fagan he will share his war story, drinks his liquor, but can’t do it. Breaks down crying in the car but doesn’t blowup. Labor Day when he is stopped by trooper and Ludie squeezes his arm.(Turning Point) After Bucholtz beats up Ervin. Ragman explodes, throws rocks at a line of cans and bottles yelling profanity, obscenities, and cursing Bucholtz and God.

Question 4: Where do they belong. In each act, building through the story.

Reveal 3: Question 1, What: The depth of Bucholtz’s war trauma, Survivor shame, and moral injury.

Question 2, When: ( Act 3) When Bucholtz attempts to whip the pacifist carpenter Ervin for the second time and begins to hallucinate, and throws down his whip and gets drunk sinking deeper into insanity.

Question 3, Set Ups: When he knocks out Ludie and tenderly kisses her before the rape. His nightmares where he confuses Ludie with Mina. During flashbacks of his breakdown after the war and his father’s ill treatment. His violent reaction when he learned Mina and his son had died when their house blew up.

Question 4, Where do they belong: In each act building to throughout the story to the climax.

Reveal 4: Question 1, What: When Ludie learns from Reise, that it was Bucholtz who seduced and impregnated her and not Bernard who was ordered to rape her.

Question 2, When: Act 3, when Ludie learns Reise is pregnant.

Question 3, Set Ups: Act 1 when Bucholtz follows Ludie to Stan’s house and shoots Reise a threatening look.

Question 4, Where do they belong: Act 1. Act 2, when Bucholtz orders Bernard to rape Reise.

Reveal 5:

Question 1. What: That Bernard will turn on Commander Bucholtz.

Question 2, When: (Act 3) After Bernard tells Ragman about Bucholtz raping Ludie. Ragman asks how he can trust him. Bernard removes his shirt and Ragman sees the whip scars across the boy’s back.

Question 3, Set Ups: (Act 2) When Bernard only pretends to follow the order to rape Reise. Instead, he convinces her to help him put on a good act and makes Reise keep the non rape their secret.

[Ian Greenham]

Ian Greenham’s Reveals!

Vision: Completing this program will significantly enhance my screenwriting skills.

Doing this assignment I learned the value of establishing setups and reveals in advance of writing scenes.

SETUP: Aly passes out at her desk at the office

REVEAL: Aly is diagnosed with leukemia.

SETUP: Nurse Jenny notices how much her former colleague Nicki looks like Aly.

REVEAL: Nicki and Aly are identified as identical twin sisters.

SETUP: Meredith turns off Lynden Maher’s respirator after she finds him dead.

REVEAL: Nicki is accused of killing Lynden Maher.

SETUP: Nicki is accused of killing Lynden Maher.

REVEAL: Nicki knew that Lynden Maher was her father who had abandoned her mother before she was born.

SETUP: Tod sends flowers to Aly when she’s in hospital

REVEAL: Aly softens in her attitude towards Tod.

SETUP: Ben Nevers explains to Aly the history of unreliable respirators at St. Mary’s hospital.

REVEAL: Aly is able to use this information to have Nicki’s murder conviction set aside.

I will work on building these SETUPS/REVEALS into the Outline.

[WIM: Module 4, Lesson 6: What Do You Reveal and When? – July 29, 2022]

[Eclipse Neilson]

Eclipse Neilson.

THE NUN AND THE WITCH

1. VISION: I want to be a great award-winning writer, known for my new genre, who creates the most beautiful films that inspire others to feel deeply, pause, and ponder ways to make the world a better place.

2. What I’ve Learned Doing This Assignment

What I learned from doing this assignment is Athena’s character and actions is woven tightly together with the other two on this journey. I will be developing more Lunea’s internal struggle as I write.But I am getting more excited abut writing this script now.

THE NUN AND THE WITCH/ MYSTICAL SCI-FI/ DRAMA

Act 1

Opening:

UNIVERSE – NIGHT

In timeless space two female figures as silhouettes on a starry hill. One (Anne) has her head on the shoulder of the other.

VARIED VOICES and strange BEEPS STAR FLASHES WHISPERS as the Council of Universal Beings appear.

SET UP (Sets up the sound of the healing path through out the script.)

DARK TIME TUNNEL

The two souls (SISTER ANNE 35 and LUNA THUNDER 45) wisp by as they travel through the dark time tunnel.

Flashes of their lives begin to appear-first in Egypt.

The shadowy forms watch their first lifetime together. Anne peers over the shoulder of Lunea.

EGYPTIAN TOMB – NIGHT

Two Egyptian slave women each hold an oil lamp.

SET UP(Sacred Flame quest ) They place their flame side by side. Each pick up a small vessel of serpentine liquid. They stare at each other fondly. Flickers of their flames cast shadows on their face. They pause and drink the poison staring into each others eyes.

SET UP(Romeo Juliet setup reveled in 3rd)

SISTER ANNE lays her head on LUNA THUNDER’S shoulder and they hold each other – they close their eyes. A gentle smile appears on their faces. The flames flickers on a sword on the coffin. SILENCE (revel in Act 2 ) SETS UP a Romeo /Juliet type theme.

Their shadowy spirits quickly move forward. WOOSH

TIME TUNNEL: MONTAGE – NIGHT

Events through flashes on the walls on the time tunnel.

The 1920’s two female archeologist discover grave of two women skeletons in same position. They look at each other – and quickly cover up the grave knowing it is them.

Lunea reaches out and squeezes the hand of Anne and smirks. Anne giggles like a child. SETS UP (love story between them)

Fast forward Auschwitz two women stare at each other longingly as one (Lunea )is taken away holding the hand of a little girl( Athena) who stare longly at out at the world.

SETS UP (Act 4 with Athena giving the same look after the tragic murder of Sister Anne and Lunea)

A Nazi ( Father Sinclair)soldier looks at Anne and then leads the two away.

Anne collapses to the ground and weeps. SET UP (in Act 2/3 for Father Sinclair seeking redemption)

Time tunnel moves faster. Darker and darker –

The shadowy figures of Anne and Lunea wait in front of large metal door with the blood painted words THE REMEMBERING. It CREAKS open.

A sound of a violin plays. (Athena 12 yr) set up for Athena’s playing at church. Suddenly The violin stops.

SET UP for Athena’s flashback of Ukraine war Act 2 and the Violin weaves through the story.

They step through. Lunea leading the way.

The door SLAMS close behind them.

They turn around and see the other side of the door the words -THE FORGETTING.

SET UP(the never forget quote from the Holocaust)

They step into the present holding hands. Images of sky scrapper – sound of news reporter war in Ukraine BOMBS-political speeches. (2022)

They let go of each other’s hand.

SET UP for act 2 when Sister Anne realizes she is falling in love with Lunea. They vanish.

THE HILL -DAWN

Birds greeting the dawn – Sunrise on the back of ancient stone henge type of goddess looking rock.

SET UP (The theme of return of the Goddess.) The tall hill looks over a village.

CHAPEL – DAWN

The chapel is slightly run down. Silence.

Sister Anne(35) lights a flame at the prayer candles under a tall statue of Jesus, where a sword lays at his feet. She humbly bows. Tears fill her eyes filled with emotion. Set up of flame thread through out the script.

SET UP for time travel Lunea and Sister Anne take in Act 3

Turns to see if anyone is looking at her. She is alone. Sighs in relief and looks at a stain glass window of Archangel Uriel the sunlight hits the sword and makes it look for a moment like a flaming sword.

SET UP She gasp like a young child with excited joy revealing there is child like spirit that still wants to be free)

Athena (12) with a haunted look sits in a chair and looks out of her window and plays the violin to the dawn.

THE HILL-DAY

Sunrise looks like a flame rising out of the back of the stone goddess Monolith.

SET UP (The burning times theme)

Lunea with arms raised powerful to the sunlight, bows reverently with prayer hands and slowly looks up at the towering stone.

She grins and begins to dance freely in front of the stone. (Celtic fiddle)

SET UP The contrast of Lunea’s free spirit and Sister Anne’s oppressed inner child spirit)

THE PARISH KITCHEN – SAME DAY

Sister Anne makes lovingly breakfast for father Sinclair. REVEAL Father Sinclair is the Nazi in a past life.Chops apple carefully into small pieces and places on a dish serves it with a boiled egg and toast.

Walks over – half genuflects to him and serves tray. He nods approvingly says grace. She bows her head.

A horses neigh in the window.

She opens her eyes as she prays. Like a kid sneaking a peak, she sees the next door neighbors horse grazing in the field. Smiles, takes big breath of joy, like a child with a bit of wildness in her. He sees her looking at the mare. She quickly returns to obedient prayer- tightens her lip and ever so slightly clenches her hands.

SETS UP The oppressed / freedom struggle theme for Sister Anne

Father Sinclair thanks her and smiles as he bites a piece of apple and stares at the turtle dove name MELODY, who quietly coos. He mentions to Anne how much the dove reminds him of her. She smile appreciatively as she gazes at Melody.

She pretends to coos and both laugh.

LUNEA’S KITCHEN – SAME DAY

Lunea stands tall and proud. Makes breakfast for Athena (12). Waltzs over and kisses the top of her head. Grabs an apple from the table and quarters it.

Grins like a queen as she hands a piece to a small parrot (Eva) who sits on top of her cage and squawks.

SETS UP Theme of contrast of Bible story verses Ancient GoddessMyth

Lunea mentions something like – “Ah the forbidden apple my sweet Eve.”Giggles.

ATHENA (12) observes gives the medicinal benefits she has learned about apples when in school in Ukraine. Lunea smiles proudly announcing she is a brilliant child and will go far.

FLEA MARKET – DAY

Crowded market. Sister Anne’s flower print card table is diagonally across from Lunea’s stand filled with crystals wands and other witchy type tools, along with political brochures for women’s right- gay right – black life matters animal rights and more.

They catch glances a few times. Lunea smiles.

Sister Anne smiles then quickly looks away. Lunea nods in a questioning manor and walks over. She admires Sister Anne’s beautiful flower prints. She is selling to raise money for the church. They start up a conversation. Sister Anne looks up to Lunea’s tall stature.

Lunea buys a few cards for her store gives her the extra change kissing the bills with a spell prayer. Tells her about a special flower that grows up the on the hill excitedly.

SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Anne has a dream she is picking flowers on the hill and the stone goddess monolith quietly bends over and gives her a single flower that begins to glow. Anne gazes up at the tall stone first adoringly then suddenly shudders.

SET UP The internal struggle for Sister Anne’

Anne awakes afraid and yet curious.

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM -DAY

Anne lets Father Sinclair know she is going to spend the afternoon hiking and then adds “with Jesus” up the hill to see the Ancient stone. He frowns and mumbles something about it should have been pulled down years ago. Sister Anne bows her head obediently.

SETS UP The history of the Goddess story of being destroyed.

HILL MONTAGE – DAY

Scenes of the two women climb the hill from either side.

Sister Anne while in nature shows her strength and desire to be free and young.

Takes a deep breath clenches her hands to her chest with wonderment and grins.

Sister Anne arrives after Lunea.

Both look surprised.

They start up a longer conversation.

Cloaked OLD ONE (Native American shaman woman) hides hunched over behind big Mother stone and smiles as she listens to them talk. They do not know she is there.

SETS UP The universal Beings come to help save earth.

Lunea’s store – day

Front window covered with many different traditions posters and flags – native – Goddess – Buhdah ….

Lunea is organizing her shop. Takes a deep breath with pride. Sprinkles Some water in a bottle with a $ sign over herself. Burst out in laughter.

Some teens come into the store and stare at her. She stands tall and stare back at them with a daring look.

They start messing things up. Turn over a table – You evil witch they yell out and dart out the door laughing.

She grabs a Kali stature and raises as she curses at them.

She calls the police yelling. Listens – changes her tone to a pretend soft spoken pace. Shakes her head looks like she is about to burst into tears. Gives up after a short conversation. Slams the phone down. Stares out the door.

SET UP The discrimination theme

Athena walks in and sees the damage and freezes in place as if she has PTSD. She has flashbacks of Ukraine and the war she has fled. She begins to weep with no sound and shakes. Lunea runs over and holds protectively.

SETS UP The weaving of time theme.

THE CHAPEL – SUNSET

Sister Anne is sweeping, then sits down in a pew, gazes at the stature of Jesus with a silver sword at his feet. She starts up a conversation / quote.(must find quote)

The sun sets in the stain window across from Uriel on Mary – it glows in her heart center.

Sister Anne makes a comment about the heart of the mother. She hears the voices and beeps of the Council of the Universe whispering the sign of goddess flame.

PARISH KITCHEN – DAY

Sister Anne and Father Sinclair have dinner across from each other. Knowing he is ill, he instructs her with a parental tone that she must continue the church after he dies and not tell the head church because they will sell the building to the best buyer.

He shares how afraid he is to have his church goers be abandoned and discusses some ideas. A haggard look takes over his expression as he hides his pain.

SETS UP: the turning point

Sister Anne consoles him and says she will do so. They tell each other their big secrets – He has not had any help from the big church for years and she tells him she was a runaway nun but never stopped being a nun.

They hold each other’s hand as if there is a forgiving and a sacred commitment.

Sister Anne struggles to look at him straight in the eye but finally succeeds and nods yes with a gentle smile.

SETS UP The core image of healing of the great divide.

LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT

Lunea sits outside looks up at the moon and takes gulps like a man her mug of ale. She is slightly drunk. A frown and tears streams down her cheeks as she builds a stone circle. Carries one large stone as she grunts to the center.

Stands in the center and raises her arms in the sign of female power.

SETS UP The return of the Goddess theme

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

He gets out of bed in the dark- opens the window – begins to fall- hobbles over to the cage and open the cage door- a dark shadow and sound of wings as the bird flies out the window. SETS UP Sister Anne’s freedom

We hear a thunk on the ground. He has had an heart attack. In the moonlight we see he is smiling.

FATHER SINCLAIR’S BEDROOM – MORNING

KNOCKING ON DOOR- Sister Anne slowly opens the door- first sees his feet. Rushes over to him. Drops t her knees begins to weep looks up sees the bird cage door and window is open. The dove is sitting up in a tree. Her tears begin.

She sees a notebook on the bedside table with a letter for her. She reads it. He has given her step by step instructions on how to tell the parish that she will lead. REVEAL he was in this lifetime to help her and heal their relationship.

ACT 2

Turning Point:

CHURCH GRAVEYARD – DAY

Funeral – Sister Anne gives the funeral and is wearing father Sinclair’s preacher stole. She reads his chosen words.

The congregation looks up to her. She struggles to find courage to give her first words of her leadership.

She quotes part of Jesus words of Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

There are some grumblings around the men who do not want to take lead from a woman.

Anne sees them and attempts to stand in her power but falls back into her humble pose.

Takes a deep breath.

Grabs the sword from the statue of Jesus.

Looks down at it. Then quietly stares back at the men.

Nods ceremoniously and walks by them holding the sword in front of her as she follows the casket to the small grave yard on the side of the church.

SETS UP Sister Anne’s steps into her female power.

FIELD – DAY

Sister Anne watches the mare gallop across the field. She smiles with authentic joy as if she was riding her. (over lay of her riding)

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father Sinclair returns as a ghost.

He wants her to continue his work. She is afraid and wraps herself in the blanket.

THE HILL – DAY

Sister Anne sits looking out over the town. Prays for help. She feels Jesus’ presence and weeps.

When she looks up from her tears she see Lunea is sitting by her side. They sit side silently.

Lunea tells her it will be alright and hands her a fist size stone from the ground. Telling her to be like the stones.

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father haunts her warning her that evil forces are taking over the town. She ask why- he hangs his head ashamed- and talks about having forgotten the true teachings of Jesus.

SETS UP The theme of healing the past and never forget

He leads her into the church and shows her the sword laid at Jesus feet- tells her what legend goes along with the sword. It belonged to early pagan settlers. He suggest the answers can be found with the sword. He disappears.

CHURCH – NIGHT

She kneels at Jesus’ feet and prays.

She hears Jesus voice – telling her to guide the people to put down their weapons and that this is the sword of light not of death and must be returned to the proper owners.

She listens and then looks over at the stain glass window with a knight on a horse.Makes The connection.

SETS UP The time weaver theme.

THE RIVER POOL – DAY

Lunea is swimming naked in the water.

Sister Anne appears and stands silently and longly . Lunea invites her to join her.

Sister Anne refuses because she is a nun. But ultimately jumps into the water playfully with her clothes on.

Flickers of light blends with their giggles and laughter.

SETS UP The big step into Sister Anne’s healing.

VILLAGE MONTAGE – DAY

Different scenes of Sister Anne and Lunea bonding and being playful and enjoying each others company.

SISTER ANNE’S BEDROOM

Father Sinclair appears and is enraged about their friendship banging his fist on the table.

SETS UP The true core problem of discrimination

LUNEA’S HOME PORCH – NIGHT

Sister Anne seeks help from Lunea knowing she will understand what to do with the hauntings and help banish the evil and might know the history of the sword.

Lunea ask her to take her to the church and let her see the sword.

THE CHAPEL – NIGHT

They both tip toe in.

Lunea reaches out and touches the sword. Sister Anne horrified tries to stop her. But Lunea stands strong and holds her back.

Lunea listen to the mumbles and voices ghostly voices rising in the church. She tell Sister Anne the church had belonged to the pagans who had travel to this coast and joined forces with the native people.

She stares silently at Sister Anne. Then instructs her as if she was the goddess herself that they must join heart flames to fight what is emerging in the town.

Lunea marches over to the alter and lights two candles and walks back.

They enact an ancient ceremony similar as in the Egyptian tomb.

SETS UP the divine universe plan.

LUNEA’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Lunea has a visitation in a dream by a Council of the Beings guardian that tells her that she must help Sister Anne become a saint. But they do not say how.

The Council of the Universal Beings responds and sends an Ancient female guardian – The OLD ONE to guide them as they set out to fight the hatred, bigotry, and falsehoods that is taking over.

THE VILLAGE -MONTAGE

Ongoing threats at Lunea’s store. She fights back with headlines of what is happening in the world rooted in judgement and hatred. Calls talk show host and gathers a few like minded town people.

SCHOOL – DAY

Bullying builds at school for Athena .

ATHENA’S BEDROOM

Athena sadly plays the violin as a healing.

Lunea walks in listens and they have a deep talk about the horrors of the war and how they must heal humanity.

Athena begins a new song on the violin. Lunea watches her with a teary look of love and gentleness.

SET UP The beginning of the changing for Athena

STREET SCENE

Athena begins to skip school and befriends the Old One (woman) in the street. She plays the violin with the Old One to help raise some money for her.

LUNEA’S HOME – NIGHT

Athena tells Lunea she has met an old woman who is living on the street and she wants to bring her some food.

Lunea goes with her. The Woman is homeless. Lunea and Athena bring her home.

The Old One announces she knows the Ancient ways of magical healing.

ACT 3:

THE CHURCH – NIGHT

The Old One sends Lunea and Sister Anne through the Door of Remembering with the task to find in their past lives the tools needed.

Lunea leads the way – Sister Anne resist. Lunea grabs her hand pulls her through.

SETS UP The retrieving of what has been lost and is needed for the healing.

TIME TUNNEL MONTAGE

The realize they both witness Jesus’ crucifixion and wept together under an olive tree they each pick up an olive branch and carry it with them.

They travel further and see the war images of burnt homes. Lunea begins to cry. Sister Anne astonished at Lunea’s heart felt response wraps her nun cloak around her and sings gently a hymn to her.

SET UP The witches true heart revealed.

They move on further into the time tunnel.

They find a profound secret from the burning times when they both were burned as witches. They see Athena as a small child having witnessed their death. They both break down and weep as they stare at her.

SETS UP/ Reveal The depth of the three connection

The Council of universal beings lead them forward.

They carry back to the present the flames of the fire that burnt them centuries ago, knowing the sacred healing heart of the witch’s goddesses were instilled in the flames.

THE CHURCH – NIGHT

They place the flame and the olive branches at the foot of Jesus where the sword lays. A miraculous image of the flaming sword appears.

Midpoint Turning Point:

LUNEA’S HOME-NIGHT

The Old One performs a powerful ceremony- “The fusing of the souls between Lunea and Anne to fight evil.

They commit to never betray each other – no matter what.

Both stare deeply into each other’s eyes.

SETS UP for Act 4

VILLAGE STREETS – DAY

The people in the town discover that their Nun and the Witch are secretly friends and begin to plan to attack Lunea and her daughter Athena.

MONTAGE:

SCHOOL – DAY

Athena is rejected even more and bullied in school.

TOWNS PUB – NIGHT

The town’s hatred grows against all of them.

CHURCH – DAY

The brutal discrimination and hatred building forces Anne to stand in her power. She pauses silently and stares at each person. She speaks Jesus words and her heartfelt truth and carry out the mission Father Sinclair was never able to do. To unite the heart of humanity.

SETS UP/REVEAL of her saintly mission

ANNE’S ROOM – NIGHT

Father Sinclair and Sister Anne have a breakthrough moment and he gives her his diary – where he struggled as a preacher and the truths he discovered but kept secret. She reads his words. She walks over to him and blesses him.

Father Sinclair instructs Lunea to join the church.

FIELD – NIGHT

Sister Anne and Lunea meet by the mare who trots over. Lunea helps her up. Lunea opens the gates and Sister Anne rides the horse free through the field and forest. She cries out wildly , forcefully and joyfully a free woman in her dream.

SETS UP/ REVEAL Freedom theme

CHURCH -NEXT DAY

Athena and Lunea sit in the back of the church. People turn around and give her a doubtful somewhat rejecting glance. Sister Anne watches.

PARISH KITCHEN- NIGHT

Sister Anne and Father Sinclair’s ghost continue to discuss what to do.

Sister Anne asks Lunea to share an ancient prayer /text sacred text to the congregation in a Sunday sermon.

Anne reads the Egyptian book of The dead -the carry my heart passage. The Congregation listen cautiously liking the poetic words.

But she doesn’t say where it comes from until she is finished.

SETS UP for theme of twin flames -heart to heart…on grave stone.

Congregation walks out enraged feeling they have been hoodwinked.

Turning Point:

HILL – NIGHT

Lunea and Anne that night steal the church’s smaller crucifix and sword ceremoniously up the hill to the stone statue that strangely looks more and morel like the open arms of Mother Mary. They place the sword in her arms and a small gold crucifix at her heart.

SETS UP The beginning of the end

Sister Anne shyly confesses that she has fallen in love with Lunea.

Lunea stares at her longly -struggles inwardly but puts her finger gently over Sister Anne’s lips and tells her not this lifetime. She secretly knows that she is committed to help Anne become a saint. Lunea looks deeply sad.

They spend the night hand in hand – two souls gazing up at the heavens.

THE REVEAL of their deep love in this life time.

TOWN STREETS – DAY MONTAGE

The congregation finds out gossip grows.

TOWN STREETS – NIGHT

Town people enraged seek Anne and Lunea out with a protest march- they burn down Lunea’s store. March through the streets with torches.

Lunea and Athena hide among the street people.

CHURCH STEPS – DAY

The next day Sister Anne, Lunea and Athena courageously meet at the church. As they walk up the steps, Athena sees the Old One hobbling and she runs over t help her.

A teen who has been bullying Athena from the beginning steps forward with a gun. Both Lunea and Sister Anne see the gun run to protect Athena.

Both Lunea and Sister Anne take the bullet first.

But all three are shot. They collapses on he stairs.

Old One vanishes.

Long silence.

Lunea’s body is on top of Sister Anne’s who covers Athena’s body all lay bleeding on the steps. SILENCE

Faces of awareness and horror of the people-

CHURCH STEPS – DAY

Universal sounds like in the beginning. It looks like a miracle because Athena’s bullet wound is healed by both Lunea’s and Sister Anne’s hands on the wound when a glow of light appears in front of everyone.

Athena raises her head to see – Sister Anne and Lunea dead. Her weeping is chilling. The towns people are silent.

The townspeople have witnessed the miracle. They begin to whisper that a miracle has happened. They never really know who did the healing of Athena because they see Sister Anne’s hand over the wound that has now disappeared and healed.

Athena turns to them and speaks- now as a powerful leader weeping over her beloved Lunea and Sister Anne. She looks up at the people. Same haunting look as in the beginning in the time tunnel.

The spirits of the heavens appear at that moment as Star Beings, Angels, and cloaked Ancients from the Universal Council of Beings.

The townspeople weep with Athena. Athena’s violin os heard.

ACT 4:

THE HILL

They carry one large casket up the hill. Priestess Lunea and Sister Anne are buried together on the hill.

THE TIME TUNNEL (10 YEARS LATER)

Time tunnel appears again. We move forward to the door of the Future. It opens slightly and we see an image of Athena at the pulpit as the new preacher of the church. She plays the violin.

She wears the sign of the Neo-Pagan moon and Christian sun cross on either side of her preacher’s stole.

A glow begins on her heart space and an over lay of the goddess appears. Athena has become the Goddess – returned to Earth holding the sacred flame in her heart.

Congregation listens adoringly. Violin fills the church.

THE HILL – NIGHT

The last image is a gravestone inscribed – ”Here rest Priestess Lunea and Saint Anne side by side. Heart by heart – Soul by soul for all eternity.”

Sound of the doves cooing and then a happy parrot squawk.

THE TIME TUNNEL – NIGHT

The door of time closes once again.

In the dark tunnel of remembering, a flame is lit and we see the original burial of the two Egyptian skeletons that the two female archeologists had discovered 1930s and secretly covered back up. But now between them is the flaming sword.

The last scene is the sacred flame.

[CLAIRE RILEY]

Claire’s Reveals!

MY VISION:

I have a fabulous career as a screenwriter working in both TV and film, and I have tremendous creative, financial, and personal success. I specialize in female driven projects, and I am the go-to-girl for writing lesbian stories.

WHAT I LEARNED: I am good at reveals. I know what and when to show them. I just need to make sure they are set up correctly.

HORROR SCRIPT

Act 1

AJ: In a hospital operating room, a large black woman in a hospital gown, frees herself from restraints and attacks a white female doctor. She strangles her. The doctor fights back. The patient grabs scissors from a table and stabs her to death. A nurse in the room screams.

REVEAL: Reveals a scene from a TV series. They are at an abandoned mental hospital that is on an isolated island accessible only by a drawbridge.

PJ: Maeve, Sybil’s wife, in car talking on the phone with Sybil, who is angry that Maeve is still not there. Maeve is apologetic and timid. Promises to get there asap. The car in front of her gets a blow out and almost crashes. She swerves to get out of the way but then stops and goes back and see if the driver is okay.

PJ: Maeve The woman driver has a young child. Tire blew. Does not have road service. Couldn’t afford. Cries. Maeve changes the tire for her.

REVEAL: The woman tells her not to go to the abandoned mental hospital. It is haunted. There was a murder suicide there in 1980.

REVEAL: Sybil, the director has an interview with an entertainment news show and reveals she is investigating the murder of a psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. The patient, a black woman, was portrayed as a vicious killer, but her family said she was a kind and gentle woman. Something at the hospital made her kill.

News reporter repeats that locals believe the abandoned hospital is haunted and may have caused a murder/suicide in 1980. She asks Sybil: Are you sure you want to stay? Sybil laughs and says she does not believe any of that.

PJ: Maeve arrives on the set. She seems a bit uncomfortable. Regina and Libby are happy to see her. Maeve is timid and deferential to Regina and Libby. Zora and Diana are thrilled to see her. Maeve is warm and affectionate with them, but still holds back.

She wants to kiss Sybil, but she immediately scolds her for being late. Maeve apologizes and tries to explain about the woman with car trouble, but Sybil is angry and won’t listen.

AJ: Maeve begins to feel uncomfortable. People ask her what is wrong. Sybil rolls her eyes. Maeve just wants attention. The discomfort grows until Maeve is overcome and faints. When she recovers, she says she is okay but clearly she is hiding something. Sybil tells her fainting is not a way out off teir argument.

AJ: Maeve continues to be uncomfortable. Strange things happen on the set. Animals act funny. No cell phone reception. No wifi. Power goes out. Maeve is afraid.

PJ: The dark energy overwhelms Maeve again. Diana encourages Maeve to say what’s really going on.

REVEAL: Maeve tells Diana and Zora she senses a dark energy and wants to leave. Zora tells her to tell Sybil. She says Sybil won’t believe her and will only lead to a fight. Diana says tell her anyway. You have to stand up to her.

PJ: Maeve tells Sybil about the dark energy and suggests everyone leave. Sybil argues with her and mockingly tells people that Maeve is a psychic. Sybil dismisses Maeve and her concerns. Zora encourages Sybil to listen to Maeve.

Maeve goes into Diana’s trailer. Diana comforts her. Audrey comes in. She acts like she cares about Maeve but talks to her as if what she is experiencing is a sign of a mental or emotional problem.

Women return to their trailers.

Turning Point: Zora goes crazy and kills her wife, Diana.

Act 2:

PJ: Maeve believes the dark energy caused the death and suggests they all leave.

Sybil scoffs, says ridiculous, this is a mental/emotional issue. Audrey smiles. That was her idea.

PJ: Maeve gets Sybil alone and tries to get her to leave. Pleads with her. Tells her she has a very bad feeling about this. Sybil is recalcitrant. She accuses Maeve of using her pretend psychic abilities to prevent Sybil from getting her movie made. Maeve begs her. No. Maeve decides to leave herself.

PJ: Maeve, Libby and Regina get in Maeve’s car to leave. The drawbridge is up and is now inoperable because the power is out. Maeve tries to figure out how to operate it without power. She fails. She tries to see if they can get over the bridge with it still open. Regina and Libby stop her too dangerous, and suggest they go back.

REVEAL: they are stuck

REVEAL: Maeve is hysterical at the thought of going back. Regina and Libby ask her why. Maeve tells them she was possessed as a child. Regina asks how she got free of it.

Flashback: A group of women surround young Maeve with loving energy. One of the women exorcises the spirit from Maeve.

Maeve, Regina and Libby go back.

AJ: Zora tries to kill herself. She seems possessed again. Maeve stops her and calms her down. Audrey gives her a sedative.

PJ: Maeve asks Sybil about the murder suicide in 1980. She says she doesn’t know or care because it has nothing to do with the 1954 murder or with what’s happening now. Maeve presses her and Sybil explodes.

REVEAL: Regina remembers what happened. A lesbian couple was investigating the murder of the psychiatrist by her patient in 1954. One of them went nuts and killed her lover and then committed suicide.

PJ: Maeve restates that there is a dark energy and perhaps it possessed that couple in 1980 and is possessed Zora. She suggests they have a séance. Sybil and Audrey dismiss her.

Midpoint Turning Point: Regina is possessed and murders her wife, Libby.

Act 3:

PJ: Maeve tells everyone that she believes the women were possessed and caused to kill their spouses. She thinks that’s what happened in 1980.

Audrey says there is something wrong with Maeve. She’s delusional. Sybil agrees and says Maeve wants attention.

REVEAL: Alison, Audrey’s wife, tells everyone that Audrey and Sybil are having and affair and that’s why Audrey is saying there is something wrong with Maeve.

Audrey and Alison fight.

PJ: Maeve confronts Sybil about their relationship. They fight and Maeve breaks up with Sybil. Sybil is indignant. You’re breaking up with me?

AJ: Audrey is possessed and kills her wife Alison. Regina encouraged Maeve to stop her, to exorcise the spirit from Audrey, but Maeve could not do it. Was afraid. The only couple left is Maeve and Sybil. Will one of them get possessed and kill the other?

PJ: Maeve has a séance. She wants to reach the spirit of the patient who murdered her doctor. She believes she may be possessing the women and forcing them to kill.

AJ: Maeve has trouble reaching the patient/murderer. She feels the dark energy come between them.

PJ: Maeve sends loving energy to the spirit of the patient/murderer, and she comes through and tells Maeve the truth.

Flashback to what really happened. The evil psychiatrist is using electric shock therapy on her patient. The woman is screaming in pain. The doctor laughs and says horrible things to her about being queer. The nurse tries to stop it. The doctor pushes her away. The patient’s hair gives off smoke. The nurse sets her free. The patient stabs the doctor to death and then thanks the nurse for saving her.

REVEAL: The psychiatrist is an evil doctor who tortures gay people in the name of treatment.

REVEAL: The patient killed the doctor because she was torturing her.

REVEAL: The ghost of the evil psychiatrist has been possessing the women and forcing them to kill their own wives. It’s double horror for the women and double pleasure for the evil doctor.

Turning Point:

AJ: Sybil is possessed and tries to kill Maeve.

Act 4:

PJ: Sybil goes completely nuts. Maeve fights her off and runs. But she realizes that she needs to exorcise the demon out of Sybil or Sybil will eventually kill her. She remembers her own exorcism.

REVEAL: Love drove the spirit out of Maeve as a child. She drops her fear and meats the ghost with love. The ghost leaves Sybil. Amazing. She is awesome.

The power comes back on. They get WiFi signals. Their environment returns to being peaceful and normal. Maeve is triumphant.

AJ: The power goes off again. Maeve looks around, frightened. Who is being possessed now?

The ghost of the evil psychiatrist tries to possess Maeve. It shows itself. It is ugly and angry. Maeve struggles to prevent it from entering her. She asks the survivors to help her by sending her loving energy. She drops her fear and is in love and joy.

Climax

PJ: Maeve, Zora, Regina and Audrey surround Sybil with loving energy. Maeve exorcises the spirit from herself. It is gone.

Resolution:

The power comes back on.

Maeve gets the survivors together, Sybil, Zora, Regina and Audrey, and gets them off the island.

Sybil got her story

Sybil apologizes and asks Maeve to forgive her.

Maeve forgives her but does not want to get back together. She is no longer under Sybil’s thumb.

What are we going to tell the authorities? Don’t know.

THRILLER SCRIPT

Act 1:

PJ: A scene with Eve doing CIA agent stuff. Let’s see her escape from somewhere and also fight. [This scene introduces Eve and sets up that she is a badass.]

PJ: Eve and Debbie are at a diner on a date. They are clearly in love. Debbie asks Eve why can’t she meet her family. Eve says she doesn’t see them. Debbie asks why? Eve changes the subject with I’ve never met your family. Debbie says she has to prepare her mother for her dating a woman. A waitress who obviously knows them makes a joke about how in love they are. Eve is kind to the waitress.

AJ: Someone is watching them. Who? Why?

PJ: Eve and Debbie are dancing together on the street. They seem delighted with each other. Debbie asks what are you not telling me? Eve evades her again.

AJ: Debbie’s ex-husband attacks Debbie. Eve fights him off and rescues Debbie.

Inciting Incident:

Debbie asks who are you that you can fight like that? Debbie and Eve fight because Eve is secretive. She never talks about her job, her family, her childhood, etc. Debbie breaks up with Eve

PJ: At home, Eve sends Debbie texts and vms to reconcile. She apologizes for being secretive and promises to be more open. Difficult for her. She will explain when they get together. Her texts go unanswered.

AJ: Someone is watching Eve in her home from the street. Shoots a dart gun at her through the window.

PJ: Eve feels groggy and collapses.

AJ: Eve wakes, feel groggy and realizes she slept a long time. What happened?

PJ: Eve checks her phone. Debbie has not responded to her messages. Eve makes a call to say she’ll be late.

AJ: Eve notices texts she does not remember sending. What happened last night?

REVEAL: Eve goes to her office. She is a CIA agent.

PJ: Eve tells her co-worker, Julie, that Debbie broke up with her. Julie is supportive. Eve tells her she thinks she was drugged. Julie tells her to get a blood test.

TP 1

AJ: While getting blood drawn, Eve sees a TV news report: Debbie’s been kidnapped.

ACT 2:

AJ: At FBI headquarters, Patty, Debbie’s widowed mother, cries on TV, begging the kidnappers to release her daughter.

AJ: AJ: The lead FBI agent, Dirk Wilson, interviews Patty in the FBI office. She gives background on Debbie, 32, kindergarten teacher, good Christian, divorced, loves children. Patty seems fragile and helpless. She is overwhelmed with grief.

AJ: Debbie is in a small room. She wakes and is groggy. A man wearing a mask enters and tells her she is safe and everything will be fine.

PJ: Eve talks to Julie about Debbie’s kidnapping. Do you think it’s my fault? Could it be someone I investigated? Julie says that was in the past. This is different. Eve wants to go find Debbie herself. Julie suggests she work with the FBI. Eve says they are too slow and bound by red tape. Julie says you must go to them first. Eve agrees.

PJ: Eve goes to Debbie’s house, meets Agent Marra. She tells him she is a CIA agent, she and Debbie are lovers, and last night Debbie’s ex tried to abduct Debbie. He thanks her and says he will investigate the ex-husband. She wants to search Debbie’s house herself. He won’t allow it.

PJ: Eve puts on [crime scene coverup gear] and sneaks back into Debbie’s house and searches it. Can’t find pictures of herself and Debbie.

AJ: Agent Marra brings in Debbie’s ex for questioning. He does not have an alibi. He says he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Protecting?

PJ: Eve comes into the FBI office at their request. She thinks they have info on Debbie. Instead, she meets Agent Wilson who asks her to clear up some confusion. [while she is waiting she steals something to use later].

REVEAL: Agent Wilson says Patty told them Debbie was dating a man. Eve says Debbie didn’t tell her mother about their relationship.

AJ: Agent Wilson tells Eve Debbie’s ex said he was protecting Debbie from Eve. Eve does not understand. Agent Wilson shows her a video of Patty’s interview:

REVEAL: On the tape, Agent Wilson tells Patty that Eve said she and Debbie were lovers. Patty covers her mouth with her hand and through tears, says that is not true. Eve was stalking Debbie, but Debbie was not interested in a romantic relationship with Eve. She is not homosexual. She’s a normal woman. She was dating a man.

TJ: Debbie is forced to watch heterosexual porn and throws up.

PJ: Eve is stunned and says Patty is lying. She can prove she and Debbie were involved. She looks through her phone but can’t find any pictures with her and Debbie. She does not understand what is happening.

AJ: Agent Wilson shows Eve text messages that Eve sent to Debbie last night. Some of these texts make it appear that Eve was stalking Debbie. Eve recognizes some texts but says she did not send others.

PJ: She says she has a witness, a co-worker. Wilson says she would lie for you. A waitress at a diner she and Debbie frequent.

AJ: The FBI take Eve to the waitress from previous evening. Waitress says she never saw Debbie and Eve together, but in the past, they were at the diner at the same time at separate tables. Eve is devastated. Asks her why are you doing this? Who told you to lie? Agent Wilson pushes her away, but she gets away from him and runs to waitress. They think I killed Debbie. You know I couldn’t hurt her. You know I loved her. Waitress says I’m sorry.

Agent Wilson pulls her away and she says I am being framed. Who is behind this? They have Debbie. Why aren’t you looking for her? Marra says she’s crazy.

Midpoint:

FBI arrest Eve for kidnapping Debbie

Act 3:

Deeper level: A man watches a TV report about Eve’s arrest. Who is he?

Eve’s co-worker, Julie, sees the same news report.

Debbie is shocked while being shown lesbian porn movies. The voltage increases and Debbie screams.

AJ: FBI interrogate Eve. Her GPS shows the previous night she drove to Debbie’s home and then to isolated woods. Did she kill Debbie and dump her body?

PJ: Eve freaks out. She did not kidnap or kill Debbie. She is a CIA agent. If she wanted to kidnap and kill someone, she’d know how to cover her tracks. Obviously, she’s been set up. You’re wasting time. Where is Debbie? Why aren’t you looking for her?

PJ: Eve tells the agent that she believed she was drugged last night so she had a blood test at the CIA office. If she was drugged, she could not have kidnapped Debbie last night. Agent Wilson tells Agent Marra to investigate the blood test.

AJ: Agent Wilson enters the interview room where Patty sits and asks her why Debbie didn’t report the stalking. Patty cries and says oh my God, this is all my fault. Wilson asks her what she means. Patty says she urged Debbie not to report it because she believed Eve was sick and needed help. She encouraged Debbie to pray for Eve instead. She didn’t want her to go to jail. She cries, and says she thought she was doing the right thing. Wilson comforts her.

Major Reveal: The man who was watching news report of Eve’s arrest comes into the FBI office. He is Eve’s father. He is a famous psychiatrist who promotes using conversion therapy to “cure” queer people.

He tells Wilson and Marra, that when Eve was a teen he forced her into conversion therapy, but she ran away and joined the military. He believes she has mental and emotional problems.

Major Reveal: Agent Wilson tells Roger five years ago a woman Eve was involved with was murdered. They never found the killer. Roger is stunned. He asks to see Eve.

Debbie is shocked while being shown pictures of herself kissing Eve. The voltage increases and Debbie screams.

Outside of the room with Eve’s father, Agent Wilson asks Marra about the blood test. Marra says he has not yet heard back. Then says I know how you feel about women like her. You can’t believe she had nothing to do with Debbie’s kidnapping. Wilson says my feelings about women like her have nothing to do with this investigation. We will follow all leads.

PJ: Roger enters the interrogation room. Eve is stunned. She has not seen him in years. He is perfunctory and dominant. He asks her if she kidnapped and killed Debbie. She says no. She loves her and wants to get out of here to find her. He asks about the woman who was murdered five years ago. She is surprised and upset. She had nothing to do with her murder. She loved her. She thinks the people she was investigating killed her. He says the world is a dangerous place for women you love.

She is angry. She accuses him of still hating her for being gay and is happy to see her behind bars. She asks: Did you come here to finish what you started when she was 17?

No. I put you into conversion therapy because I was trying to help you. Homosexuality is a mental disorder.

Is that why you came here? To tell me you still think I’m crazy.

He says No. I came to tell you I don’t think you kidnapped Debbie but I think I know who did.

REVEAL: Roger says there is a group that kidnaps queer people and puts them through forced conversion therapy. He thinks these people might have kidnapped Debbie. She fits the profile from an ultra-religious family.

TJ: Debbie is forced to watch porn again. This time is switches from heterosexual to lesbian. During heterosexual porn she is given soothing music and messages. During lesbian porn she is shocked.

PJ: Eve is stunned. (Roger told her about the group that kidnaps queer people and forces conversion therapy on them). She asks why would they kidnap Debbie? Roger says the family usually asks that the person be kidnapped. Her family?

PJ: Julie arrives and is met by Agent Marra. She asks why didn’t he return her calls or answer her emails? She has the results of a blood test that shows Eve was drugged last night and could not have kidnapped Debbie. Marra says the lab would lie for her. She shows him pictures of herself and Eve and Debbie. She could have photoshopped. Julie asks to see Wilson. Marra refuses. She storms out.

PJ: Eve tells Agent Wilson she wants to confront Patty. She thinks Patty is behind the kidnapping. Wilson says Patty is a sweet old Christian lady. Wilson gets a text from a CIA big shot with the results of Eve’s blood test. She was drugged. Eve says this proves she could not have kidnapped Debbie. He says you still could have done it. Eve asks again could they go to talk to Patty. He agrees but says she is still under arrest.

AJ: Eve talks sweetly to Patty, acting very nice, but tries to get her to admit she is lying. It does not work. Patty acts like she is a sweet victim. But at one point she looks Eve dead in the eye and Eve knows it is all an act. She accuses Patty of kidnapping Debbie and forcing her into heterosexual conversion. Wilson doesn’t believe Eve. Patty cries at the idea of kidnapping Debbie.

They drag Eve out of Patty’s house in handcuffs to take her back to jail.

Turning Point: As they are taking Eve back to jail, she escapes.

Act 4

AJ: Eve takes an FBI car and runs. Wilson sends officers to follow her, but not apprehend her. Let’s see where she goes. She might lead us to Debbie.

Wilson gets a call from an irate Supervisor at the CIA. Why is he still holding Eve? Her blood test proves she could not have kidnapped Debbie the night before.

Wilson confronts Marra. He says he did not think it was important. She still could have kidnapped Debbie. He tells him that was not your call to make. Meet me back at the office. In the car ride he calls someone and tells them to bring in the guy who was dating Debbie and the waitress.

Eve loses the FBI guys following her, and steals another car. She realizes someone is following her but not the FBI. She abandons a car and hides in plain sight. She runs into a group of trees. She rubs her arms and face with dirt she so is less conspicuous. She quickly climbs up into a tree and cannot be seen.

Debbie’s boyfriend is at the FBI office. He was dating Debbie, but she wasn’t into him. He felt there was someone else. He told Agent Marra. Wilson looks surprised. He ask for Marra but he has not come back yet.

The people chasing her come out. One of them is agent Marra but the two others are not FBI men. They approach her tree and she can hear their conversation. One says we have to get back and move Debbie. The location is no longer safe. Eve realizes they are the kidnappers. Marra says let’s try to find Eve.

They split up and run deeper into the woods. As they look for her in the woods, she gets in their trunk and hides. They come back and drive away.

TJ: Debbie is distraught. A man chastises her for not accepting her treatment and taking the next step in her recovery. He shows her lingerie. She shakes her head no.

Julie arrives at FBI headquarters to pick up Eve. Wilson tells her she escaped. Julie asks what’s the matter with you people? I told you she was drugged. Wilson says she escaped before he found that out. Julie says I told Marra hours ago, and I showed him pcitres of me, Eve and Debbie. I met Debbie. They were definitely dating. He believes Eve is innocent.

PJ: Agent Marra and the two men stop at an old house in the woods and get out. When she can no longer hear them, she gets out and sneaks around the house. She sees Debbie in a window, crying. A man stands over her talking to her. He moves close to her and she slaps him. He punches her face and knocks her down. Eve breaks into the window and fights him and wins.

Debbie is freaked out by the fight. At first when she sees Eve she is frightened from the shock treatments. Eve stays at a distance and talks calmly to her. She tells her we have to leave now before the other men come in.

The door opens and one of the non-FBI guys enters. He screams and attacks Eve. Debbie screams. Eve beats the guy up and knocks him out.

Eve tries to get Debbie to leave but she is too freaked out. Another guy comes in and pulls a gun on Eve. Debbie freaks out and distracts the guy and Eve disarms him and knocks him out. She turns to Debbie. Debbie smiles and says “You came for me.” Eve smiles and they hug and Eve helps her out the window.

They run toward the woods but Agent Marra stops them. Eve stands in front of Debbie. He has two guns. He will kill them both and say he found their bodies. Murder suicide by Eve.

Eve quickly slips behind Debbie and begs Marra not to kill her. She is a fellow officer. She won’t report him if he just kills Debbie.

Debbie is stunned. Marra laughs hysterically saying I thought you loved her. Eve slips out from behind Debbie with a pistol and shoots Marra and says, I do love Debbie.

Eve gives him first air and cuffs him. She takes his phone and calls Wilson.

Wilson arrives and Marra says she shot me. Wilson figures out Marra shot first and arrests Marra

PJ: Wilson takes Debbie and Eve to the hospital. Debbie is treated for shock and emotional distress. Eve is treated for her injuries.

Climax:

PJ: Patty arrives at the hospital and acts innocent and happy to see Debbie. Eve tricks her Patty into confessing. [HOW DOES SHE TRICK HER?]

Resolution:

Eve and Debbie share a hospital room. Eve asks Debbie to marry her.

[Jeff Chase]

Jeffrey Alan Chase’s Reveals!

My vision: I am an “A” list writer who is known for high concept ideas, great execution, a string of successful movies and is always ready to share his knowledge and do what he can to help another writer on the way up.

What I learned from doing this assignment is: Many of the setups and reveals are already in my outline. I have a complex story with multiple character arcs. This is a great lesson because it forced me to lay out a list of the setups and reveals so I can clearly see how they all work together. I know this list will likely change in the coming lessons.

Genre: Thriller

ACT 1:

Act 1 Setup: On the PBS interview in the opening, Sarah says the shard on her necklace is the one thing that connects her to her past but is also a millstone that psychologically weighs her down. She only remembers she was wearing it when she was dumped off at the hospital with a severe head wound as a child.
Act 3 Reveal: Young Sarah remembers that the shard is half of a shard broken into two pieces by her father, Ben. Ben kept the other piece.

Act 1 Setup: Sarah works overly hard, concentrates on her work. She has low self-esteem and always seems to be in a constant state of fear.
Act 1 (or 2) Reveal: Sarah stays busy at work to keep at bay the memories that haunt her.

Act 3Setup: Sarah has fleeting visions of her father’s agonized face in some dark place.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah feels responsible for her father’s death and is afraid to learn the truth.

Act 1Setup: March always shows up in a white suit, clean-shaven and with a shaved head.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny discovers March using an electric razor to shave his head, arms, and heavy five o’clock shadow. Why would he have to do that?

Act 1Setup: Ashamed to admit he lost his arm in a “deer hunting accident”. He was on a rock outcropping, scouting for mule deer, fell, his arm caught in a crevice when the rocks moved and jammed his arm tight, no way out. March begged the ER doc for someone can go back, retrieve his arm. The doctor comments to a nurse that the coyotes will take care of the severed arm. His bionic arm is a good replacement and he’s grateful, but he feels “incomplete”. He reveals a bit of himself here for Sarah to see, showing his vulnerability, honesty, and weakness to make her feel sympathy for him. But at the same time, he reveals his FLAW. HE IS DRIVE TO FIND HIS LONG-LOST HAND AND ARM BONES.
Act 4Reveal: March blurts the true story about how he had to cut off his own arm to survive as he plunges into insanity, confesses he needed Sarah’s help to re- locate the treasure cave.

Act 1Setup: March claims he’s too busy to take Sarah on as a client.
Act 1Reveal: When Sarah cries and begs for him to help her, March relents. He’s hooked her.

Act 1Setup: Under hypnosis, Sarah gets into an argument with her younger self about who is responsible for Ben’s (Sarah’s father) disappearance and possible death.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah realizes that if she (young Sarah) isn’t responsible, someone else must be.

Act 1Setup: Under hypnosis, Sarah remembers being thrown off a cliff as a child by “the Bear”, a man with bushy, black hair and thick beard who worked with her father.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah realizes the Bear is March.

Act 1Setup: March plants a seed in Sarah’s mind, “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
Act 3Reveal: Sarah is driven to face her fears and seek answers about the death of her father.

Act 1Setup: March quips that sometimes in order to remember things, a person needs to get inside their skull and “kick the old memories around”.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah remembers she played soccer in the desert with an unearthed human skull.

Act 1Setup: Johnny calls out the chief of police, his father, Frank, for not wanting to solve a cold case.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes his father was involved in the case as a young cop and did something bad that he feels remorse over.

Act 1Setup: Frank (Johnny’s father and the Chief of Police lays Johnny off, then suspends him for insubordination.
Act 4Reveal: Revealed in the resolution, Frank conspired with the Shaman to get Johnny into the desert and on Sarah’s cold case so Johnny could arrest March for the 20-year-old murder of Sarah’s father.

Act 1Setup: The Shaman conspires with Frank to force Johnny to choose his correct path in life.
Act 4Reveal: Revealed in the resolution – Johnny decides to be both a cop AND a Shaman.

Act 1Setup: The Shaman warns Johnny about a shapeshifter, chindi (dust devils) and “accidentally” lets slip that the rumor about a treasure cave is real.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes that March is the shapeshifter and that Ben’s spirit is the Chindi. The treasure cave is real but will forever remain a Navajo secret.

ACT 2:

Act 2S: Young Sarah talks with Ben (her father) about his new helper, says she doesn’t like him as much as Charlie. Ben says Charlie’s in jail and that he had to hire the new guy. He derides the bearded man, calls him “numb nuts”. The guy thinks he knows everything and says he’s read hundreds of books. But Ben says that numb nuts is careless and breaks half the pots he digs up.
Act 4Reveal: Young Sarah reveals that numb nuts/The Bear couldn’t talk because his throat “got hurt”.

Act 2S:n Young Sarah plays soccer in the desert, happily scores a goal but we never see the ball.
Act 3Reveal: Sarah plays soccer using a human skull unearthed by Ben as the ball.

Act 2S: Young Sarah easily climbs up the hand and footholds of the cliff up to the treasure cave.
Act 4Reveal: Older Sarah remembers the hand holds and must face her fear of heights.

Act 2Setup: Young Sarah wants Ben (her father) to quit smoking. She steals his Bic lighter.
Act 3 Reveal: Young Sarah uses the lighter to illuminate the inside of treasure cave.

Act 2Setup: Young Sarah disobeys Ben, wanders off by herself, discovers the treasure cave.
Act 4Reveal: Young Sarah hears Ben calling for her outside the cave. She exits the cave and waves to them from the cliff, “I found something”. Ben and Numb Nuts climb up the cliff.

Act 2S: March asks young Sarah under hypnosis if she remembers people other than her father in the desert? What did he look like? What did he say? Would you remember his voice?
Act 3Reveal: March is assessing what Sarah remembers and covering his tracks, so she doesn’t suspect his real identity. March went out into the desert to dig up pots with Ben only once and couldn’t talk at the time because his voice box had been injured by a cue stick in a bar fight. He could only grunt – like a Bear. Sarah remembers the grunts.

Act 2S: In Sarah’s treatment, March comes across as helpful and intent on helping Sarah heal.
Act 3Reveal: March claims he’s helping her because he wants to write a book about her case.

Act 2S: March asks Sarah under hypnosis if she remembers any songs from her childhood.
Act 4Reveal: March accidentally sings words that Sarah never mentioned under hypnosis from The Farmer in the Dell melody, which is Sarah’s roadmap to the treasure cave. Her father taught her the song so she could always find her way back to civilization if need be. Sarah begins to suspect that something about March isn’t Kosher.

Act 2S: Johnny hears about a prophesized shapeshifter from his grandfather, the Shaman.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny realizes that March is the shapeshifter he was warned Johnny about.

Act 2S: Johnny reminisces with Shaman about Navajo lore, including native healing practices.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny uses native plants and Navajo healing to heal himself from a snake bite.

Act 2S: Johnny suspects that the Shaman and his father, Frank, had something to do with saving young Sarah 20 years ago.
Act 4Reveal: When Sarah remembers the Shaman at the hospital, she now also remembers another man was with the Shaman – She describes him as a “star man”. She remembers that the star read, “Navajo Tribal Police”. Johnny is floored to realize it must have been Frank, his father, now the chief of the Navajo Nation Police. Johnny realizes his father and grandfather have conspired to set him up.

Act 2S: Shaman asks Johnny if he has kept up his “medicine” bag. Johnny confirms, even has juniper seeds for nightmares. Shaman is pleased.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny offers Sarah juniper seeds for her nightmares, is castigated by March, warns Johnny to stay away from Sarah and not to interfere.

ACT 3: Multiple setups (listed previously) are revealed in Act 3.

Act 3Reveal: Sarah is afraid of heights.
Act 4Reveal: According to March of her hypnosis session, Sarah fell out of a tree as a child.

ACT 4:

Act 4Setup: Sarah tells Johnny she only drinks “designer water bottles” in her saddlebags.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah has filled several of her water bottles with vodka. She needs the crutch and gets drunk after a traumatic hypnosis session with March.

Act 4Setup: Under hypnosis in the desert, Sarah remembers an old man w/long hair and feather necklace when she was in the hospital as a child. The old man stared down with concern and compassion.
Act 4Reveal: Johnny overhears Sarah’s session and is floored, “Grandfather?”

Act 4Setup: Sarah gets drunk and falls asleep. After an argument and Johnny, March disappears into the desert at night with a small canvas bag, saying he needs to “do his business”. He returns and he and Johnny turn in for the night.
Act 4Reveal: Later that night, Johnny, in his bedroll, gets bitten by a small rattlesnake. March suggests Johnny should go seek medical help and let him and Sarah continue their search. Johnny declines. He will use native healing to heal himself.

Act 4Setup: Johnny pats March down for weapons. He stops this when Sarah sarcastically says Johnny is acting like a cop. (which she doesn’t know that he is.)
Act 4Reveal: March pulls a small pistol from his boot. Johnny would’ve found it if Sarah had let him do his job.

Act 4Setup: tells Sarah that there aren’t any mule deer in the area where March claimed he shot himself in the arm 20 years ago. Johnny lists other things that don’t add up about March – but he’s not sure.
Act 4Reveal: Sarah won’t believe that March might be lying to her. Why on earth would he?

[Terrie Shaft]

Terrie’s Reveals

What I learned from this assignment is that I could improve my screenplay by having clearer set ups for twists/reveals I had already envisioned.

From today’s call I realized my outline needs to be altered to just have the scenes but I’m not quite there yet.

ACT 1:

Setup: James/Jason is chased down by US Marshal

Reveal: He’s actually a witness being protected by the US Marshal’s

Setup: James/Jason was involved with domestic terrorist group.

Reveal: Maybe Act 2: he wasn’t part of the group, he stumbled into knowledge of their actions.

Setup: Paige is on a dinner date

Reveal: She’s a US Marshal behavioral analyst

Setup: Paige is brought in to help with James’ protection detail

Reveal: James is really Jason – he knew Paige growing up

Setup: Marshals ask James/Jason family that also need protection? Anyone to say goodbye to?
Reveal: James/Jason has no family – maybe reveal difficult childhood

Act 2:

Setup: James/Jason & Paige clash constantly – this can start in act 1

Reveal: they used to be a couple

Setup: James/Jason & Paige are shot at when changing locations.

Reveal: At least one of James/Jason’s conspiracy theories is true

Act 3:

Set up: being cold and angry purely professional with James/ Jason through acts 1 & 2

Reveal: Jason’s crazy nearly got Paige fired – they meet with the old Sheriff

Set up: Huge fight over James/Jason setting himself up as bait for the info traps

Reveal: Jason never got over Paige; Paige hasn’t forgiven him

Act 4:

Set up: Paige sets up information traps

Reveal: someone in the US Marshal service is working with the group James/Jason is testifying against; James conspiracy theory is true

Set up: James/Jason testifies but refuses WITSEC

Reveal: He wants to be with Paige

Act 1 setup: James involvement with multiple fringe groups

Act 3 reveal: James terrible childhood

[Paul Mahoney]

Paul Mahoney’s Reveals

My vision is to be a successful full-time professional writer, who constantly learns, enjoys life, creates employment for others and brings joy, fun, fulfilment, health, happiness, inspiration & an attitude of gratitude to my partner and others

I learned that there maybe even further reveals that I can reveal at a later date.

Question 1: What will you reveal?

That each character met at Primary school. Kyla’s comments changed how Dan acted.That Mrs. Wagner tried to give Dan good advice.Subtext that shows the Psychiatrist is hot for Kyla

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?

In later acts. Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?Show in time, then perhaps Flashbacks?

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

Most are in Act 1, the Psychiatrist is the latter Acts.

Act 1: The Set Up

PJ1 Opening: Dan, a little fat kid watches other kids win races, be popular etc. ACTION Dan overhears Kyla and some other girls talk about how fast David Mohi is and how cute he is. ACTION Kyla giggles as David waves to her.

Deeper Layer – ACTION Kyla turns to her friends and has more to say, but Dan doesn’t hear it.

PJ2 Inciting Incident: ACTION Dan enrols to race, loses big time and is embarrassed at a foot race.

AJ1 ACTION Primary school teacher Mrs. Wagner tells him that being the fastest or the most popular isn’t the most important thing in life – being happy and being the best you, you could possibly be and people will love you for that, I guarantee it. Dan doesn’t get it, “yeah right.”.

PJ3 Turning Point: ACTION Dan prays to God to make him the fastest at something, anything.

PJ4 Dan’s teenage years are hell as he realizes that he suffers from premature ejaculation and is the world’s fastest ejaculator.

PJ4A REVEAL Show how being suffers from premature ejaculation ruins his life. He can’t do things people take for granted without ejaculating. ACTION Has to wear diaper pants. Can’t satisfy any woman. Relationships go one after the other. He tries hard to avoid having sex with anyone including the woman he’s dating an influencer.

2^nd AJ1 ACTION Kyla studies hard and is accepted to study as a sex therapist.

PJ5 As an adult, Dan is super-embarrassed and shamed when his girlfriend/influencer ACTION announces him to be the world’s worst lover. A long line of woman come forward to say how woeful, inadequate and selfish he is. He gets phone calls from people telling him what a loser he is. His life is hell and he gets a call from a woman wanting to talk to him about his sex life and ACTION he blows his stack and hangs up on her and blocks her number.

Deeper Layer – It is Kyla as an adult. She is concerned – ACTION – she rings back, but he ghosts her.

Act 2:

PJ6 Inciting Incident/New plan: Dan thinks his life is ruined and plans to commit suicide. ACTION – He tries to hang himself from a pipe in his apartment that runs above his toilet. It breaks, he falls knocking himself out and is found in a very embarrassing position.

PJ 7 Dan ends up in a psychiatric ward. When he realises where he is, he takes ACTION plans to try and OD on pills by getting another Inmate to give him her pills.

2^nd AJ 2 Kyla sees Dan in the psychiatric ward and hides her face from him. When he asks, she denies she knows him and he tells her about the phone call that drove him to suicide, later on she takes ACTION calls her psychiatrist – ‘I’ve got a big problem.’

3^rd AJ – Klya lies on the psychiatrist couch and tells her psychiatrist everything and that she has an ethical dilemma, she has feelings for Dan and has carried a torch for him for many years/decades. ACTION the psychiatrist is visibly frustrated.

4th AJ 2 Kyla’s psychiatrist tells her “It’s okay, I’ve got some tapes he can listen to and gives them to Dan to listen to before he goes to sleep.”

PJ8 Midpoint Turning Point: In the psychiatric ward Dan takes ACTION and tries to OD on pills, but REVEAL they turn out to be laxettes and he falls off the toilet pan and is concussed and… REVEAL he sees God.

Act 3:

AJ2 God is his primary school teacher from all those years ago. She reveals to him her problems of getting people to act decent, so where better than to try at a primary school where kids are young and not yet set in their ways.

PJ8 Dan takes ACTION threatens to out God/Mrs. Wagner, but she replies and where do you think that will get you? Dan realises he’ll end up right where he is now, perhaps on even stronger medication, he’ll never get out.

PJ8A Dan has dreams/nightmares involving Kyla. He realises he has feelings for her.

PJ9 Dan rethinks everything: Dan realises that if he wants to be better, he must change the way he thinks.

PJ10 New plan: Dan takes ACTION and wants to get a lobotomy, that Psychiatrist is proposing as a long-term study.

5^th AJ2 Kyla learns that the Psychiatrist tape that he gave Dan starts off with calming ocean sounds, but then goes on about the benefits of getting a lobotomy/chemical castration. She takes ACTION and goes to report him and he grabs her wrist. Psychiatrist REVEALS he loves Kyla and tries to get fresh. Kyla takes ACTION and She busts him in the nose. He threatens to sack her. She lures him into telling what he has been doing and has captured it all on tape to be used against him.

PJ10 Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift: The hospital won’t let him do a lobotomy (Maybe he takes ACTION and grabs a knife and tries to do it on himself?).

Act 4:

PJ11 New psychiatrist says Dan is cured and fine to leave the facility.

Deeper Layer – During the assessment Dan ACTION can see Mrs. Wagner/God, but has to keep his mouth shut otherwise he could be put on heavy medication and locked up for ever.

6^th AJ2 Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict – Kyla REVEALS that she was also the girl from primary school all those years ago and if Dan had of hung around, she would have heard him say – but Dan is so sweet and adorable, isn’t he? All the other girls nod. Dan – Has to choose between Ex or Therapist. She also reveals that she was the one on the phone & had been ringing to offer him free assistance, but he hung up on her. She reveals that she loves and wants to be with him.

PJ11 Resolution – Dan chooses to be happy and tells Kyla “On some level I’ve probably always loved you too. Maybe that’s not being in a relationship right now. Maybe that’s me being comfortable with who I am before I can even think of committing to a relationship, understand? Kyla does, and he asks for a raincheck on going out with her. She understands and agrees.

[Micki Hess]

Micki’s Reveals!

My vision: Be recognized as a writer that will work with the industry and would do what it takes to be that WRITER.

What I learned from doing this assignment is how useful setups and reveals are in the scripts.

Title: FIREWORKS

Act 1: Family wants the feud to end. Come up with a plan.

Inciting Incident: Dakota and Blake go up to the attic.

Act 2: Dakota looks for the tablecloth and looks through the highschool album.

Act 3: Dakota tells Blake she wants to end this feud. Blake accuses Dakota of being locked up in the attic.

Act 4: Dakota finds out it was Blake that caused the breakup and they start fighting.

Resolution: Dakota marries John.

PROTAGONIST: DAKOTA TANNER

PROTAGONIST JOURNEY= DAKOTA PJ #

ANTAGONIST: BLAKE RILEY

ANTAGONIST JOURNEY=BLAKE AJ #

DEEPER LAYER

Beginning:

DAKOTA—She picks up a wedding dress.

Dakota parks her car at the lake house, three cars parked in the circular drive

She carries her bags and dress into the house.

She overhears the parents’ and grandparents’ plans of ending the feud.

She keeps it to herself.

DAKOTA PJ #1 Dakota expresses that John will be here shortly.

BLAKE—-She wrote a letter to John in high school.

BLAKE AJ #1 Arrives at the lake house with her husband and children.

She sees Dakota and smirks. Her husband carries in the bags with the children following behind him.

Make a snarky remark to Dakota about not having a husband and children at her age.

Dakota leaves the room, tears stream down her cheeks.

Dakota reveals the engagement ring. She stares at it.

DEEPER LAYER: The family wants to end the feud with the sisters so there can be peace in the family.

SET UP The family will make plans to lock the girls up.

REVEAL Dakota will try to leave the attic.

BLAKE AJ #2 Starts a fight with Dakota.

Grandma May has Dakota shucking corn and Blake snapping green beans out on the porch.

Dakota rocks as she shucks the corn.

Blake gets angrier with each squeaky sound from the rocker.

Dakota smiles and hums with each corn shucked. She places the corn in a large bowl. The husks go into a large bag.

Blake reaches her limit, she dumps the husks all over Dakota.

Dakota shakes the corn hair and husks off.

Dakota grabs the bowl and runs into the house. Locks the door.

Blake pounds the door until her husband lets her in.

Inciting Incident:

DAKOTA—Goes up to the attic to look for the tablecloth with Blake.

Grandma May had enough with Dakota and Blake,

Grandma May looks for the special occasion tablecloth.

She makes Dakota and Blake go up to the attic for it.

BLAKE—She goes up to the attic with Dakota.

BLAKE AJ #3 Refuses to help and sits on the sofa, watching Dakota looking for the tablecloth.

DEEPER LAYER The tablecloth has a special meaning for Grandma May and she wants to find it.

DAKOTA PJ #2 Dakota goes through the boxes in a corner. Notices Blake sitting.

Blake sits down on the dusty old sofa that has seen better days.

Dakota heads over to one of the corners with a stack of boxes. She reaches for the top one and starts going through it.

Each box she goes through stacks neatly behind her.

Blake watches Dakota and gives her the evil eye.

Dakota notices Blake sitting there doing nothing.

Dakota asks for help and Blake laughs.

Dakota picks up a box and stacks it.

SET UP Dakota knows what the family is trying to do.

REVEAL Tablecloth is not in the attic in 4 Act.

Turning Point 1:

DAKOTA—Look for it and give up. Heads back down and the door is locked.

Dakota glances around and sees a lot of boxes with no label.

Dakota heads to the door.

It doesn’t open up. It is locked. She knocks on the door.

Grandma May talks aloud and lets them know they are locked up until the feud is over. If it takes the entire weekend.

Dakota slumps to the steps and reaches for the engagement ring.

She gets up and determines to find the tablecloth and end the feud.

DAKOTA PJ #3 She pulls the plug.

BLAKE—-Sits on the sofa and watches Dakota.

BLAKE AJ #4 She gets up and sees a CD player and CDs, she finds a mixed jam Dakota and John made. She plays it.

Blake gets up and finds a CD player and CDs.

Blake puts on a mixed songs CD and starts dancing.

Dakota informs Blake the door is locked and they can’t leave.

Blake turns up the volume

DEEPER LAYER: The songs hurt Dakota.

SET UP Dakota goes through boxes

REVEAL Grandma tells them they will stay there.

Act 2:

DAKOTA—Realizes they are locked up in the attic.

Dakota continues to look for the tablecloth.

Turn down the volume on the CD player.

Demands Blake to look for the tablecloth.

Blake slaps Dakota and yells at her.

Dakota slaps back.

Blake slaps harder, Dakota does the same.

Both faces are red.

Dakota demands what is going on with Blake.

Blake refuses to tell Dakota anything.

BLAKE—She replugs the CD player and puts her favorite CD in and starts dancing..

DEEPER LAYER This is Dakota’s chance—she blows it.

SET UP Dakota had enough and Blake refuses to tell Dakota what is wrong.

REVEAL She and Blake had a slapping contest.

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint:

DAKOTA—Finds her old high school album and a letter falls to the floor.

An old dusty high school album falls off the shelf.

Dakota picks it up.

Sits down on the sofa and looks through the album.

A picture falls out. Blake grabs it.

Dakota asks about it.

Blake refuses to answer.

Dakota sees John’s picture. Laughs.

Blake asks what is funny.

Dakota moves over so Blake can sit next to her.

Motorcycle rides up outside.

DAKOTA PJ #4 Dakota sits down and starts to cry.

BLAKE—She grabs the fallen letter.

BLAKE AJ #5 She mocks Dakato’s crying.

DEEPER LAYER: Family is sometimes not thicker than water.

SET UP Look at the pictures.

REVEAL Dakota is getting closer to the reason for the feud.

Act 3:

DAKOTA—A letter falls out.

DAKOTA PJ #5 She grabs the letter from Blake and sees the reason for the break-up.

BLAKE—Notice a motorcycle.

BLAKE AJ #6 Tells Dakota that she doesn’t deserve John, that he was hers to have.

DEEPER LAYER: Blake is jealous of Dakota and John’s high school relationship.

Dakota tells Blake about John and his player ways in high school.

Blake listens.

Dakota tells Blake how he was asking all the girls to go out with him while he was with another girl.

Blake asks Dakota if he asked her to go out.

Dakota let Blake know that he had.

Dakota also tells Blake that he uses girls to put a notch on his belt.

Blake tells Dakota that she had a date with John.

Dakota knows.

Dakota tells Blake that their parents didn’t want Blake to date John. Since she was a freshman and he was a senior.

Dakota went to the dance to tell John.

Blake tells Dakota she went to the dance and saw her kissing John.

SET UP Blake and Dakota had a thing for John.

REVEAL Dakota protest little sister from a person that was going to hurt her.

Turning Point 3:

DAKOTA—Dakota tells Blake she wants to end the feud.

DAKOTA PJ #5 She finds out why John broke up with her.

BLAKE—She finds out that Dakota wants to end the feud.

BLAKE AJ #7 Still wants John and will fight even though she has a husband and children.

DEEPER LAYER You have to fight to get what you want.

Blake gets angry with Dakota for kissing John during the dance in high school.

Dakota told her she was protecting her baby sister.

Blake gets up and walks around the attic. Anger is building up.

Dakota explains her actions.

Blake accuses Dakota for her unhappiness at how she had to settle with her husband.

Dakota screams that it wasn’t her fault.

Blake tells Dakota she is lying. That she liked John and wanted to use her to get to him.

Dakota tells Blake this was a setup to stop the feud.

The family is tired of the fight between them.

SET UP The dance was Blake’s only chance to date John.

REVEAL The real reason for the feud.

Act 4 Climax:

DAKOTA—She reads the letter and now knows why John broke up with her. She tells Blake that she and John are having a baby.

DAKOTA PJ #6 Dakota starts yelling and laughing at the same time.

BLAKE—She and Dakota fight.

BLAKE AJ #8 Still wants John and will fight for him.

DEEPER LAYER: Dakota fights for her love, John

Dakota tells Blake that she is matter of fact getting married. This weekend during the fireworks.

Blake asks to whom and Dakota smiles.

Dakota says the owner to the motorcycle outside.

Blake goes over to the window and sees it.

She sees John with her husband and their dad.

Blake attacks Dakota.

Dakota attacks back.

Dakota falls to the floor, grabs her stomach.

Mutters something about the baby.

And asks Blake why Dakota has to be single for the rest of her life.

Blake says because she had a chance with John and it didn’t happen.

Dakota tells Blake she should be happy with her husband and children.

Dakota asks Blake to stand next to her during her wedding.

SET UP Dakota mutters about a baby and John.

REVEAL Dakota is marrying John and having his baby.

Resolution:

DAKOTA—-She marries John

BLAKE—She stands next to Dakota at the wedding.

DEEPER LAYER: Happinesses can happen if you truly want it.

Blake nods.

Dakota goes to the door and opens it up.

She lies about the door being locked.

They go downstairs and find the tablecloth on a chair next to the window.

They look at Grandma May and she shrugs her shoulders and smiles

Dakota walks toward John as the fireworks go off.

SET UP The door was not locked and the tablecloth was on the chair.

REVEAL Marriage and baby gender reveal.

[Pat Fitzgerald]

Pat Fitzgerald’s Reveals

Vision: I have the courage, commitment and talent to create contest winning screenplays and will go on to have my scripts optioned and produced.

What I Learned: When I follow this formula I’m much better at setups and reveals than I ever thought I’d be. Still, I feel that I’m missing some reveals, but I’m going to trust that they’ll show themselves to me at a later time.

1. What Do I reveal? Rochelle is Jaki’s daughter.

When will the reveal show up in the story? Act 1

What setups need to be in place for this reveal to happen? A phone call between Rochelle and Jaki.

Where do these setups belong? Before the inciting incident.

2. What do I reveal? That Rochelle is broke and needs to move in with Jaki.

When will the reveal show up? Act 3

What setups are needed and where do they belong? Rochelle gets a phone call from her landlord about owing back rent. (Act 1)

Rochelle asks Jaki for money, overheard by Ajax (Act 2)

Rochelle lies to Jaki, that the home’s owners don’t want her to give dance lessons anymore, as a way to get free babysitting. (Act 2)

Ajax snoops Rochelle’s computer, sees her credit card debt. (Act 3)

3. What do I reveal? Lilly stole the watch, which we will find out in Act 4.

When will the reveal show up? Act 2 – it is known that Lilly stole the watch, but the reveal will be that Lilly was the thief.

What setups are needed and where will they belong? Ajax finds the watch, but leaves it where it is. He thinks Rochelle took it. (Act 2)

Ajax at one point will ask Rochelle if she planned to pawn the watch? Maybe.

4. What do I reveal? That Ajax isn’t rich. His only income is his Social Security check.’

When will the reveal show up? Act 1, but Jaki doesn’t believe him.

What setups need to be in place and where do they belong? Jaki searches his room and finds expensive jewelry, the Rolex.

Ajax’s family will tell Jaki the same thing, that he’s broke and they pay for the expensive assisted living home. (Act 4)

This time Jaki accepts the reveal. She’s in love. She doesn’t care about the money.

ACT 1: JAKI BURAN, Lilly in tow, wanders into a strip bar to talk with the manager. No, no jobs open.

Lilly takes a luxury food item from her overalls. Jaki feigns surprise, says Lilly must’ve taken it at the grocery store. Manager doesn’t believe her.

She tends Lilly while attempting online transcriptions – gotta make the mortgage payment.

Phone call from her daughter, ROCHELLE – why isn’t she at the assisted living home that Rochelle supervises, doing the welcome to the home clown act?

In the assisted living home’s common room, Jaki, in clown costume smiles, hugs residents – happy to see them but not happy to do them.

AJAX COLEMAN arrives in a wheel chair, blanket covering his lap. He switches on a hidden boom box, gives himself welcoming music.

Jaki starts her “welcome to the home” clown act by dancing to the music.

Ajax switches the music to something with a sultry beat.

INCITING INCIDENT: Jaki dumps the clown act and commences a raunchy dance, to Ajax and the other resident’s delight and Rochelle’s horror and Ajax’s family’s horror.

Just as Jaki starts to unbutton her costume, Rochelle blurts, “Mom!”

Jaki gives Ajax some enticing glances and moves, but –

Rochelle ushers Jaki from the home, as residents boo Rochelle for spoiling the fun. Lilly runs after Nana Jaki, but Rochelle scoops her up.

Back in her office, Rochelle gets a phone call from her landlord about owing back rent. She deals with this by compulsively buying something or other off of her computer.

Jaki has an idea – volunteer at the home, maybe give dance lessons. Rochelle is repulsed but the residents petition for the lessons.

Jaki continues to watch Lilly, but starts teaching dance classes, Lilly in tow. Ajax never fails to watch, and Jaki eyes Ajax.

Rochelle feigns disgust, embarrassed, as she was as a child because Mom made her living stripping.

Jaki visits Ajax in his room, turns on her sparkle. He sees through her, tells her to cut the act and be herself.

Jaki invites Ajax to a lunch outside the home. Awkward conversation about kids and trying to get along with them. They have this in common.

Jaki brings Ajax back, wheels him into his room, takes a look at a jewelry box with expensive watches, rings, which –

Ajax notices and informs Jaki that he’s really broke, just has his Social Security money.

ACT TWO: Jaki sees Ajax as the cash cow of her dreams.

Rochelle rushes in, carrying Lilly. Can Jaki watch her? The home’s owners are coming and the kid can’t be there.

Ajax invites them both to stay. Jaki is ready to say yes, but Rochelle insists they leave. Why?

In the hallway, Rochelle asks Jaki for money. Brief, hissy argument. Jaki comes through. Neither know that Ajax watches this from his room.

Dance lessons. Jaki genuinely enjoys teaches the assisted home ladies some raunchy moves. She’s having a blast – and watching Lilly at the same time.

Ajax and other men delight in watching, but Lilly wanders off Jaki stops class to find her.

Lilly found in the hallway, but –

Jaki steers Lilly into Ajax’s apartment, which she searches, which she rifles.

Lilly grabs a Rolex and sticks it down her overalls.

Rochelle discovers Jaki in the room. Jaki insists she was only tracking down Lilly. Rochelle doesn’t fall for it. Lilly runs off, to Rochelle’s office.

Lilly puts the watch into Rochelle’s desk.

Rochelle’s boss tells her that she can’t bring Lilly to the home fulltime anymore.

Rochelle lies to Jaki, tells her the boss has banned dance lessons anymore.

Jaki returns to babysitting, but takes Lilly outside the assisted living home and gives dance lessons through the window.

A local TV reporter shows up to video the scene.

Local news station airs the video, and Jaki becomes a local celebrity.

Ajax asks Jaki on a date, to celebrate.

Ajax can’t find his Rolex, reports this to Rochelle, who suspects Jaki and tells Ajax this and his family – she betrayed her mother.

Ajax still plans to go on the date, but his family shows up and all but holds him hostage.

MIDPOINT/Act 3: Rochelle phones Jaki, the date is off. Jaki realizes how much she genuinely cares for him.

Rochelle shows up at Jaki’s house, confronts Jaki about the Rolex, then not believing Jaki’s denial, bans her from the home.

Jaki takes her dance lessons to other assisted living homes, meets other men, nobody compares to Ajax.

Rochelle and Lilly show up at Jaki’s house – she’s been evicted and needs to move in with her mom.

Ajax sneaks into Rochelle’s office, looking for Jaki’s home address and discovers Rochelle’s pathetic financial records and his Rolex.

He leaves the Rolex.

Ajax on his way to Jaki’s, car nicks his wheelchair, he gets toppled out.

Cops take him to the hospital.

Pandemonium at the home. Ajax is missing. His family is livid.

ACT 4: Ajax is fine, checks himself out of the hospital, just has his kids are rushing in, trying to locate him.

Ajax Uber’s to Jaki’s house, at the front door he hears –

A major argument between Jaki and Rochelle, overheard by Ajax.

Lilly runs outside, crying, and jumps into Ajax’s lap.

Jaki and Rochelle realize Lilly is missing – outside – see Ajax with Lilly. Ajax tells them that they obviously need a mediator.

Jaki and Rochelle help Ajax into Jaki’s home.

Ajax’s family at the home. Where is Dad?

His phone is in his room.

Jaki’s house – Ajax has a talk with Rochelle about her spending habits, and –

The police show up, say they are investigating a kidnapping.

Ajax tells the cops that he’s fine, that he just came to Jaki’s to propose to her.

Much to her own surprise, Jaki accepts.

Ajax’s family confront Jaki, inform her that they have all the money and as Ajax told her before, he only has his SS check. But Jaki is in love and doesn’t care.

Ajax straightens out Rochelle’s financial situation. Lilly loves Papa Ajax.

Jaki returns to giving dance lessons, realizes how much she enjoys the old folks and applies for a job as a caregiver. She might’ve landed her dream rich guy, but she loves him, not his money

RESOLUTION: Jaki and Ajax’s wedding, at the home. Rochelle is matron of honor. Lilly produces the watch from Rochelle’s desk and everybody realizes that she took it in the first place.

Old ladies do their own little “raunchy” dance to honor the newlyweds.

[Sandra Nelles]

Sandra’s Reveals!

Vision: I am doing what I love to do as a writer with several successful produced movies.

What I learned doing this assignment is how to use setups and reveals in every Act to keep the audience engaged.

Title: SMUGGLERS JOURNEY

Genre: Drama

ACT 1:

SETUP: Sloane (age 30 – protagonist) relaxes at home watching tv, when there’s a knock on the door. Sloane cautiously peaks out through the corner of the curtain and sees police with rifles. (REVEAL ACT 2)

SETUP: (20 years earlier) Sloane (age 10) at home with his mother. Knock on the door. Sloane peaks behind the drapes and sees a policeman. After telling his mother, he dashes down the hall to his room. Jumps up and down before he slips under the covers.

REVEAL: Sloane has been truant from school for 40 days.

SETUP: Sloane and his mother have dinner at a nice restaurant. When his mother insists, he finish his dinner before he can eat dessert, he defiantly throws his fork on the table and storms out the door.

REVEAL: Sloane runs into an alleyway. His mother chases after him. She catches him by the arm and starts laughing. They left without paying.

Sloane (age 18) graduates from high school and joins the Navy.

Sloane (age 25) marries and becomes a ship captain.

Sloane (age 30) leaves the Navy for a better paying job on a cargo freighter ship.

Surface Layer: Sloane is a young, honest and hard-working sea captain.

Mr. Big (antagonist) is an international banker who makes a profit by exchanging money.

INCITING INCIDENT: Sloane discovers his ship crew is smuggling oil.

Sloane threatens to report the smuggling to the authorities.

SETUP: Mr. Big slams his fist on his desk and throws things when her hears that Sloane may threaten his smuggling and money laundering operation.

REVEAL: Mr. Big orders someone to warn and rough up Sloane.

TURNING POINT 1: Sloane is unexpectedly ambushed. He puts up a fight, but is no match to his opponent. Badly beaten, Sloane manages to crawl back to the ship and collapses.

Deeper Layer: Sloane faces a dilemma of reporting the illegal activities or joining in on the smuggling. Either way, he risks being killed.

ACT 2: Sloane tries to ignore the smuggling by leaving the ship and going to a local bar while the smuggling occurs.

Sloane requests a transfer to another ship. Unfortunately, the new crew is even more corrupt. Sloane learns all about smuggling firsthand.

SETUP: Self-confident and powerful, Mr. Big meets with Sloane and tells Sloane about an open job inspecting ships. Sloane interviews and then accepts the job inspecting ships.

REVEAL: Mr. Big lures Sloane into the smuggling world.

Influences Surface Story: Sloane’s family is growing and he needs the money to support his wife and children.

Major Reveal: As an inspector, Sloane fakes documents, and exchanges money for a fee.

Changes Reality: We think Sloane is doing his job honestly until we see him forging visas for ship captains.

Mr. Big tips off the military police to Sloane’s location.

TURNING POINT 2/MIDPOINT: Military police begin raids on Sloane’s house. (SETUP from ACT 1)

REVEAL/Hints: Smiling, friendly and engaging, Sloane treats the police officers like friends. Sloane hides large amounts of cash in his closet and pays off the police with a duffle bag full of cash.

Sloane’s marriage is on the rocks since he’s rarely home.

War breaks out and the oil business dries up.

Sloane rushes home to be with his dying father.

After the funeral, Sloane helps his mother figure out the financial and legal paperwork.

ACT 3: Sloane leaves the ship and smuggling business.

Sloane tries several legitimate jobs that all fail.

Sloane plays with his children, but doesn’t discipline them. He is more of a friend than a father. Arguments with his wife worsen.

Mr. Big is losing money without Sloane, and schemes what to do next.

TURNING POINT 3: Mr. Big convinces Sloane to come back and work together again.

SETUP: Mr. Big persuades Sloane that they should smuggle whiskey.

REVEAL: One container of whiskey is confiscated by the police and the other disappears. The police are hot on their trail. If captured, Sloane faces a firing squad.

SETUP: Sloane has the ship moved out to sea. Sloane tries to sell the ship. Mr. Big tells Sloane he will take care of it.

REVEAL: Without telling Sloane, Mr. Big orders someone to sink the ship to collect the insurance money.

Sloane is shocked and concerned about the men that may have been on board the ship. Sloane argues with Mr. Big over the phone.

Sloane is having health problems from all his drinking.

SETUP: Sloane goes home when his mother dies. While sorting through her things he finds love letters from another man.

REVEAL: Sloane learns his father wasn’t really his father.

Sloane’s wife files for divorce. He’s depressed and drinks heavily.

ACT 4 CLIMAX: Sloane gives up the life of crime.

SETUP: Sloane meets an old friend he hasn’t seen in years for lunch.

REVEAL: The friend is clean and sober now. He gives Sloane a treatment center business card and his phone number.

SETUP: Sloane coughs up blood and is rushed to the emergency room.

REVEAL: Sloane calls his friend and enters an alcohol and drug treatment program.

RESOLUTION: Sloane is now clean and sober.

Sloane rebuilds his relationship with his children.

Sloane meets a wonderful woman on-line through a spiritual dating service.

Sloane becomes a prison counselor helping inmates.

Mr. Big disappears.

[Leona Heraty]

Leona Heraty’s Reveals!

My Vision: To be the best family comedy screenwriter in the industry where my screenplays are produced into fabulous movies and my audiences laugh a lot and I become independently wealthy!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…building in Setup’s and Reveals now into my outlines makes my story more exciting and hopefully more compelling for the reader and viewer.

Title: Tara vs. the Termo-Lytes
Genre: Comedy (Sci-fi)
Concept: A teenage tour guide with no sense of direction and an extreme fear of bugs takes a wrong turn and leads her group to an abandoned country club overrun by giant mutant termites.

REVEALS

Question 1: What will you reveal? Dead termites come to life.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening scene, Act 1.

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 1: What will you reveal? The dead termites come alive and start to grow a glowing green color and one termite grows bigger than the others and turns many colors.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work? A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 1: What will you reveal? The largest and colorful termite is named Big Betty, Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story? Opening Scene, Act 1

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

ACT 1

SETUP: A figure brushes past a jar of glowing green goo and it falls on the floor and starts to ooze towards some dead termites.
REVEAL: The termites wake up and start to grow and one termite grows bigger than the others…it’s Big Betty, the Queen of the Termo-Lytes.

SETUP: Big Betty pulls out a nail file and a hand mirror and files her pink nails and admires her face and hair in the mirror.
REVEAL: Big Betty is a vain and she’s a termite!

SETUP: Big Betty HUMS.
REVEAL: Big Betty has a great voice when she sings a finale song for Tara, Davy and Meg before they go in the pot. (Act 4).

SETUP: A bug flies into Tara’s car and she crashes it on a curb, jumps out and runs up a tree.
REVEAL: Tara is petrified of bugs! (Revealed in Act 1 when Davy watches THEM! Act 4: when she goes face-to-face with Big Betty and Big Betty brings up Tara’s childhood fiasco with the termites at the Halloween corn maze.

SETUP: Tara munches Cheeze-Its when she walks into her backyard for the pool party.
REVEAL: In Act 2:Tara has extra boxes of Cheeze-Its in her backpack and eats them when she’s stressed and for fun. In Act 3, Tara lures the Termo-Lytes with Cheeze-Its towards their hideout in the caddy shack.

SETUP: Max says he can smell chocolate a mile away and he spots the big bowl of M&Ms on the table and grabs a handful and scarfs them down.
REVEAL: Act 3: Turning Point/All Is Lost: Big Betty pushes an old vending machine by the pool near their hiding place in ? and Davy can smell the chocolate and he ventures out to the vending machine and Big Betty grabs him!

SETUP: Davy does a cannon ball jump into the pool and splashes Tara and Max and Clare.
REVEAL: Tara rolls her eyes because Davy’s such a pest. He wasn’t even invited to the pool party, but he lives next door and heard all the fun.

SETUP: Davy complains about the lack of peanut butter for his Hershey’s bars, so he starts eating Baby Ruth’s and Butterfingers. He says his parents are never around to restock the pantry.
REVEAL: Act 3 Turning Point: Big Betty lures Davy to the vending machine by telling him there are Baby Ruth’s and Butterfingers, then she captures him. Act 4: Davy’s parents are in Europe for 10 days, not the whole summer.

SETUP: Davy fixes the pool filter that keeps spraying Tara. He helps Tara’s Dad fix the “broken” tiki torch at the pool party. He’s good at fixing things.
REVEAL: Act 4: Davy puts together the croquet mallot heads with the handles really fast.

SETUP: Davy order THEM! on Amazon Prime at Tara’s house and when Tara sees the giant ants, she Tara hides behind her pink and purple unicorn pillow, her comfort blanket, as her friends and Mom and Dad laugh.
REVEAL: Tara is petrified of bugs, even in a cheezy old sci-fi movie.
Act 1: Tara hides behind her pillow in the back seat of her car at the country club, not wanting to get out and go inside because the building creeps her out.

SETUP: Tara plays a round of put-put golf with her Dad and has a hole in one. She’s a great golfer.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara has a perfect aim when she uses the croquet mallet to shoot a poisoned croquet ball up Big Betty’s nose and kill her.

SETUP: Tara turns red and changes the subject when her Mom and Dad show her the map to the homes in the garden tour.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara is face-to-face with Big Betty and Big Betty mocks Tara for getting lost as a kid in the Halloween maze and having no sense of direction and being afraid of a few harmless termites crawling up her leg…they were her and the Termo-Lyte clan!

SETUP: Davy says his parents have abandoned him for the summer, that’s why he’s living with his Grandmother, Meg.
REVEAL: Act 4: Davy tells Meg and Tara he’s sorry for being such a pest. Meg tells him she loves him and his parents have only gone to Europe for 10 days for their 10^th anniversary and they’ll be back soon.

SETUP: Clare and Max reminds Tara they’re going on a post-graduation Summer Solstice trip to Disneyland on Wed.
REVEAL: Act 4: After the climax, when Tad drives up in the hippie van with Tara’s Mom and Dad and Clare and Max, they tell her they decided not to go to Disneyland until she could join them. Max says Tara is the only girl he wants to ride Pirates with.

SETUP: Meg mixes up a green shake for Tara’s cold. She says she’s been mixing up a lot of green goo lately.
REVEAL: Act 3: In the Speakeasy bar/laboratory room, Tara notices the green jars of goo labeled SPIRULINA and she says it looks like the same stuff Meg made her the health shake from, but Meg pooh pooh’s the idea and laughs.

SETUP: Meg is on crutches because she broke her ankle.
REVEAL: Act 3: Tara grabs Meg’s crutch and strikes Big Betty in the toe. Act 4: Tara grabs Meg’s crutch and uses it as a lifesaver to get Davy out of the pool filed with palm fronds.

ACT 2

SETUP: When Tara drives the group up to the front entrance of the abandoned country club, Meg mentions that she’s been here before, when times were good long ago.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals she and her late husband used to be members of the country club many years ago, and she took the money from his will and bought it, and tried to concoct a pesticide with Spirulina that wouldn’t be toxic to people and pets…but she had no idea the green goo would turn the termites into giant ancient Termo-Lytes.

SETUP: Tara is amazed that Meg seems to know her way around the country club but Meg laughs it off and says when you’ve seen one country club, you’ve seen them all.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals that she created the green goo with Spirulina to kills the termites eating the old country club and that she had no idea it would bring the ancient Termo-Lytes back to life.

SETUP: In the lobby, Tara and the group hear loud HUMMING under them that sounds like bugs, and Davy said prehistoric bugs were bigger and louder than any tiger or lion and Meg says there’s nothing prehistoric left on this Earth.
REVEAL: Act 2: Tara and the group come face-to-face with the HUMMING Termo-Lytes and Big Betty. Prehistoric bugs still exist!

SETUP: In the tunnel, Big-Betty is grabbing pots and pans and throwing them at the Termo-Lytes to catch and she LAUGHS when they drop them.
REVEAL: Act 4: The pots and pans are being used to cook a feast for the Summer Solstice ceremony and brunch…and Tara and the group will be the main course!

SETUP: Davy says he swears he hears loud munching sounds in the lobby.
REVEAL: Act 2: Tara and the group come face-to-face with Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes who are munching on stale food.

SETUP: Big Betty insists that Tara and the group be her guests at the Summer Solstice brunch.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg and Davy are in the big pot. Big Betty says as soon as she can get Tara into the pot and simmer and season them for a while, then brunch will be served!

SETUP: Big Betty turns on the charm and changes colors and dazzles Tara and she thinks Big Betty is nice and charming.
REVEAL: Big Betty stops them from leaving and she’s not so nice after all and Tara shows her gullibility.

ACT 3

SETUP: Meg gets nervous and grabs her lighter and cigarette and tries to light up.
REVEAL: Big Betty grabs it out of her hand and says that smoking is bad for her health and LAUGHS.

SETUP: Big Betty talks about the upcoming yummy Summer Solstice feast in one hour and there are sure to be some tasty treats.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara and the group are going to be the “tasty treats” that Big Betty referred to.

SETUP: Meg’s bottle with the green shake falls out of her purse.
REVEAL: Big Betty snatches it up and drinks it up and says it’s yummy and green is her new “fave” color, then she grows 1 foot taller.

SETUP: Big Betty pours some of the green goo on the floor for the other Termo-Lytes and they lap it up.
REVEAL: Meg’s green shake helps bugs grow!

SETUP: In the speakeasy bar/lab, there are green jars of goo labeled SPIRULINA.
REVEAL: Act 4: Meg reveals that she bought the old country club and used spirulina to make a concoction to treat the termites, hoping it would be a non-toxic pesticide so patrons and pets won’t get sick when she opens renovates and opens the country club.

SETUP: In the speakeasy bar/lab, the shelves are lined with old bottles of booze.
REVEAL: Act 4: Tara uses the bottle of booze and cuts up a tablecloth into strips to make Molotov cocktails to throw at Big Betty and the Termo-Lytes.

[CJ Knapp]

CJ’s Reveals!

Vision: I am a confident and empowered writer who embraces challenges and changes and writes highly sought-after projects with fresh and exciting ideas. I will be produced and hired to write projects that get produced.

WIL: this really helped me to put order to my story and to elevate some of my reveals and set up!

Title: MEMORY HUNTERS

Concept:

In a future with technology to retrieve memories, a Memory Retrevalist, caught in the mind of a psychopath struggles to find a way out before he destroys her mind and kills her.

Assignment:

Opening:

Set-Up: Mya has nightmares about her past

Reveal: She works for a company that can find lost or stolen memories as well as ones that the person tries to hind.

Set-up: Mya talks to a family looking for information of missing Will and Testament – the son is abusive. Mya sees it in her hunt for the missing memory and is intimidated by the son.

Reveal: Mya is new as a Memory Hunter

Act 1:

Set-up: Mya’s sister tries to get Mya to the doctor.

Reveal: Mya has headaches from a unique and rare brain tumor

Set-up: Catherine announces a new Gov’t contract to assist the FBI

Act 2:

Set-up: Mya scours the records of past memory hunts

Reveal: Mya is trying to find a way to block her own memory by learning what others have done.

Set-up: Another Memory Hunter comes out of Freddie’s mind – traumatized and sent home. Terry tells Mya about Freddie’s history with his sister and why he is there.

Set-up: Catherine calls Terry to her office.

Reveal: Catherine and Terry are working together. Knowledge is pwer!

Set-up: Mya finds anomalies in the records of unauthorized access to the subjects

Reveal: The access occurs BEFORE their schedule incursion into the subjects’ minds.

Set-Up: Terry drops hints about Frank being shady and owing money to the wrong people – Frank’s wife has been ill.

Reveal: Terry is gathering information on all Memory Retrieval Employees

Act 3:

Set-up: Mya accuses her sister of leaving her at the park where she was abducted

Reveal: Stella agrees to let Mya into her mind – Mya learns that it was SHE who ran away from her sister – her sister has been trying to protect her from the truth

Set-up: Mya is set to go into the mind of the OLD LADY (or embezzler)

Reveal: She’s in the wrong mind! – She’s in the psycho’s mind and he was expecting her. No one knows she’s in there.

Set-up: Terry has to acknowledge that Mya is in the wrong mind so he makes a KEY to help Mya out of back door.

Reveal: The Key doesn’t work!

Set-Up: Mya is in the mind of her abductor/tormentor! She sees a memory of Freddie in discussions – but doesn’t pay attention as she runs for her life through Freddie’s mind

Set-up: Mya must finally face her own past – she gathers the memories of the other victims – including her FIRST victim – his sister and finally adds her own memories.

Reveal: Mya turns all the fear and pain back on to Freddie’ to live through all that he had done to others – his mind cracks and shuts down – Mya runs to the back door – to get out before the mind completely closes down.

Act 4:

Set-up: Mya accuses Frank of accessing the system for his own gain

Reveal: He is innocent

Set-up: Mya is fined and suspended for misconduct and use of system (her sister)

Set-up: Mya breaks into the company and reviews her own file and her time in Freddie’s mind

Reveal: Mya remembers when she first told Frank about strange anomalies – and recalls a FLASHY RING – someone else was in the office

Reveal: Mya remembers seeing the same FLASHY RING in Freddie’s Mind (this is an inconsistency – if Terry is access the minds on behalf of Catherine – how does Catherine and her Ring be part of Freddie’s memory – so need to work on this one!

NOTE: Could be a company ring – which is why she thinks it is FRANK – but Terry and Catherine also have ONE!

Set-up: Mya goes to Frank with her evidence from her own memories.

Reveal: Mya catches Terry in the mind of the embezzler making a deal – she transfer’s him to Freddie’s mind.

Reveal: Mya captures Terry and Catherine’s deal’s from the memories and plays them on the big screen behind Catherine as she calls a press conference to announce she’s running for Senate.

Ending:

Reveal/Payoff – Mya confronts son from older woman from ACT 1 and stands her ground

[Farrin Rosenthal]

Farrin Rosenthal’s Reveals!

Farrin’s Vision: To do what it takes to become a highly paid A-List Hollywood writer whose produced movies will entertain audiences around the world.

What I learned doing this assignment is how reveals can surprise and shock the audience. For a reveal to be effective it must be setup, but the setup does always need to come first. For example, my script starts with a reveal, then shows the setup to that reveal, but the reveal provokes a question for the character and audience, so it also acts as a setup to answer later in a reveal. So, a reveal can also act as a setup that will lead to more reveals and setups later. My outline so far already contains most of my major setups and reveals. I will need to add more setup hints in the form of dialogue and visuals later on. *** Hints
to add: the way Susan and Ivan look at each other, Susan wears iFit shirt hinting at how she met Ivan,
Ukraine flag sticker on Tom’s SUV window showing his support and we will find out his ancestors came from there, and possible reason why he would steal from a Russian.

Tom Carter Core Traits: Claustrophobic, Risk-adverse, Stubborn, Protector, Controlling, Humorous (to cope).

Dmitriy Core Traits: Ruthless, Intelligent, Driven, Insecure, Know-it-all.

Title: TRAPPED

Genre: Thriller

Concept: Claustrophobic and trapped in an underwater grave for stealing $3.6 billion in Bitcoin from the Russian mob, a Los Angeles retail store manager has just 60 minutes to prove his innocence and save his family.

Major Act 1 Setup: Tom and family are kidnapped.

Major Act 1 Reveal: We find out why. Tom is accused of stealing from a Russian mob boss.

Act 1: Tom and his family are kidnapped.

Tom PJ 1: Tom wakes up trapped in a dark box, doesn’t know where he is or why.

Tom PJ 2: We see Tom’s old ways and how they affect his family. Tom works with his store employees and security guard to surveil a “live one.” Tom sees thief steal something, confronts the robber, blocks his exit, tries to get robber to give up what he stole. Robber pulls a knife, which turns Tom from protecting the merchandise to protecting employees, customers, and himself. When robber tries to run, Tom knocks stolen item loose and narrowly avoids being stabbed.

Tom PJ 3: Tom drives an 8-year-old SUV into fast-food drive-thru, shows his penny-pinching ways, telling family they can order anything from the dollar menu, on a budget, can’t spend more than $20-25.

Inciting Incident: Tom and his family are kidnapped by hooded figures. Who are they?

Dmitriy AJ 1: Orders two cars cut off and surround Tom’s car. Hooded figures kidnap Tom and his family.

Tom PJ 4: Tom and his family are kidnapped. Tom tries to fight off kidnappers who grab his kids, but fails, is taken along with them.

Deeper Layer: Tom doesn’t know who the kidnappers are or why they were taken.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Anticipation

Turning Point: Tom finds out where he is (at the bottom of a pool) and that he is accused of stealing $3.6 billion from a Russian mob boss who is holding Tom’s family hostage.

Tom PJ 5: Tom learns he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses.

Tom PJ 5a: Tom doesn’t even own a house with a pool, says he’s just a store manager in Van Nuys, the shithole of the valley (go to Tom PJ 2 – robbery), nor believes he is at bottom of one, could be anywhere, needs proof.

Dmitriy AJ 2: Dmitriy tells Tom he and his family have 60 minutes to live unless Tom confesses, shows Tom his family tied and gagged.

Dmitriy AJ 2a: Orders Ivan to dive into pool and knock on box. Ivan doesn’t want to but Dmitriy makes him.

Major Act 2 Setup: Tom is trapped in an underwater grave and has 60 minutes to escape.

Major Act 2 Reveal: We find out why. Tom is accused of stealing from a Russian mob boss.

Act 2: Tom is trapped in a watery grave.

Tom PJ 6: Realizing just how trapped he is, Tom’s claustrophobia starts to overwhelm him, see him trapped in an elevator as a kid, trying to open doors, call for help, but elevator phone doesn’t work, pound on door, screams for help, panics, must sit down, pees himself? Susan, Tom’s wife must step in and help, gets Tom to focus on the day they got married in Hawaii.

Dmitriy AJ 3: Dmitriy continues to try to get Tom to confess, but Tom is overcome with claustrophobia. Dmitriy ungags Susan, allows her to use phone to help Tom.

Tom PJ 7: See Tom and Susan’s wedding in Hawaii.

Tom PJ 8: Tom now able to focus, but can’t talk his way out of box, threats against his family increase. Tom calls police. He doesn’t know where he is, police can’t find him, his plans fail.

Dmitriy AJ 4: Dmitriy ups his threats against Tom’s family, threatens to rape and kill them, even the dog.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom finds out a Russian mob boss kidnapped them and is told why.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation

Midpoint Turning Point: Tom’s box slowly starts to fill with water.

Major Act 3 Setup: Tom is trapped in an underwater grave.

Major Act 3 Reveal: Which starts to fill with water!

Act 3: Tom is still trapped and now water is rising.

Tom PJ 9: Nothing Tom is saying or doing to escape works. Pounds side of box in frustration. Water keeps rising, time and air running out.

Dmitriy AJ 5: Dmitriy can’t get Tom to confess as water keeps rising, time and air running out. Touches Tom’s wife in a suggestive and sexual way. This upsets Ivan.

Tom PJ 10: More desperate, Tom tries to be tougher.

Dmitriy AJ 6: Dmitriy is unmoved as Tom tries to act tougher, hurts Tom’s kids, backhands Tom’s son when he talks back.

Deeper Layer: Dmitriy and Tom don’t know they have both been manipulated by Tom’s wife and her lover.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Anticipation

Turning Point: When tension is at its peak, at the very last second, water at its highest point in the box, with the least air and space left, Tom finally confesses.

Major Act 4 Setup: Tom escapes the underwater grave.

Major Act 4 Reveal: But finds out he was setup by his wife and her lover!

Act 4: Tom escapes.

Dmitriy AJ 7: Dmitriy runs outside, orders Tom be freed from box.

Tom PJ 11: Tom is let out of the box with seconds to spare.

Dmitriy AJ 8: Dmitriy points gun at Tom, tells him to access the accounts with the stolen Bitcoin or he can watch his family die slowly.

Tom PJ 12: Tom learns the truth while pretending to access the stolen accounts.

Dmitriy AJ 9: Dmitriy is shocked to learn his brother Ivan betrayed him, they fight, Dmitriy pummels Ivan and looks like he will win easily, but Ivan somehow turns the tables and kills his brother.

Tom PJ 13: Tom tries to protect his family as the Russian brothers fight, sees Ivan kill Dmitriy.

Tom PJ 14: Tom confronts Ivan, after learning of his wife’s betrayal, that she and the Russian are having an affair and are the masterminds behind everything. Now it’s a fight to the death. Tom kills Ivan with a little help from his kids.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Tom learns his wife is having an affair with Ivan and that they framed him. Dmitriy learns of his brother’s betrayal.

Thriller Conventions: Life and death situations, Mystery, Intrigue, Suspense, Hero, Villain, Uncertainty, Tension, Surprise, Anticipation

Resolution: Victory and death.

Tom PJ 15: Tom and his kids are safe, wife is now in the box screaming, right where the bitch belongs, all assets are in Tom’s name, so he is now a billionaire.

Dmitriy AJ 10: Dmitriy is dead.

[Tom Wilson]

Tom’s Reveals

My Vision: I wow producers with clever insights when alternatives are needed to fix the project.

Doing this assignment, I learned how well I can pull the audience in with clever setups and reveals.

Setups and Reveals:

New Outline – A BETTER DAY

Act 1 Teaser Fire fight in Afghanistan, John pulls his wounded pal Mel to safety. Mel’s agitated. Babbles words in a language John’s never heard before. Setup 1.

Mel’s treated for his wounds. The surgeon retrieves a med dispensing pod Setup 2 from his thorax.

Opening John and Mel grow up together in a small Idaho town. Mel’s dad Phil is CEO of BioPlus pharma which sells supplements developed from plants.

Mel takes the supplements and is in top shape. Mel and Stan play football in high school.

John’s dad, Stan a chemist has been Phil’s right-hand man since he started the company years before.

After college, John and Mel try out for and become Navy Seals.

Flash Forward: John accompanies Mel back from Afghanistan. Mel’s dad Phil moves his son into his pharma’s dispensary. BioPlus employs most of the town’s people.

John’s parents are glad their son returned safely.

John hooks back up with Susan, a deputy who works for her dad, the sheriff.

John asks Phil to visit Mel. Phil puts him off. Needs time to heal. Won’t comment on the pod.

John sneaks in. Asks Mel about the pod. Mel: Don’t mention it. It makes Phil angry. Setup 3

John, who majored in chemistry, goes to work developing supplement products from mysterious plants grown in greenhouses. He searches for and finds some of the mysterious pods found in Mel.

Phil congratulates John for developing supplements that energize people. Foreman Rosen is jealous.

Rosen gets Phil to let him assist John who trains him. Rosen doesn’t work out. Returns to his job as foreman. Rosen blames John. Swears revenge.

That night Rosen hands cash to a hooded man in a dark alley in exchange for a vial. Setup 4.

Rosen talks up a strike to the employees. They disagree. Feel Phil treats them well. Rosen gets angry.

Rosen pours liquid from the vial into a fresh batch of product. Reveal 4

Inciting Incident A nervous crowd lines up outside the doctor’s office. The doctor treats them for hallucinations. They’ve all taken the supplements which pep them up to work harder.

John analyses the supplements they take. He detects tiny amounts of LSD. Setup 5.

Phil tells John he can’t see Mel yet because ‘‘he’s undergoing tests.”

John searches the plants included in the products. He samples some he’s never seen before.

He finds the vial with LSD. Discovers Rosen must have used it to make the bad batch. Reveal 5

Turning Point John sneaks in and visits Mel, who’s drugged up and barely conscious. John flushes out Mel’s system. They confront Phil with the LSD. Phil tells them a story.

Act 2 New Plan Phil grows up poor. Lives in a trailer. Grows food beside the trailer to survive. Catches fish in a mountain top lake. Makes a surprising discovery: a high-tech container which he hooks and pulls ashore.

He opens it and finds a mysterious pod. Reveal 2

The container fires off a radio signal. Inside are seeds he takes home, plants, cultivates.

They yield unusual fruits and vegetables. Samples them himself. Feels positive physical benefits.

Phil bottles, sells the health supplements at the farmers market. Most people react favorably. Return for more. He graduates high school. Skips college. Rents a storefront. Sets up BioPlus.

Phil builds a dietary manufacturing company, BioPlus. His first employee is Stan who sets up the books. Computerizes the operation.

Phil senses something. After John and Mel leave, he hikes up to the mountain top lake. Fishes out another container. Inside is a machine that lasers Phil’s body. Produces a hologram that resembles him. Abruptly the hologram comes to life. Stretches. Walks about. Phil names him Abe because he resembles Lincoln.

Abe can’t talk. He communicates by drawing insightful sketches. When they speak Abe illustrates their words. Reveal 1

He sketches the development of the seeds and the pod’s design. Setup 6

John and Mel contemplate what they should do next.

Abe illustrates how the pod found in Mel’s thorax works. Reveal 6

They agree to meet Phil in the morning.

Plan in Action Phil sensed something. After John and Mel leave, he hikes up to the mountain top lake. Fishes out another container. Inside are more seeds.

Midpoint Turning Point

That night Phil processes the new seeds.

Abe communicates to Phil he must toss the old stuff.

Phil offers everyone the blend from the new seeds. Everyone likes the new batch.

Act 3 Rethink Everything Next morning Phil and John mix and match the new seeds.

New Plan John and Phil agree on a new working formula. They’re back in business.

Turning Point: Huge Failure / Major Shift A bomb destroys the new batch. Phil’s wounded and in pain. Abe pours LSD from the vial into the pod. Reveal 3

Phil takes a sip and loses the pain. Setup 7

Climax John fights Rosen. Defeats him. Turns him over to the sheriff.

Sheriff arrests Rosen for setting off the bomb. John forgives Susan for not believing in him.

Abe tends to Phil who’s dying. Abe fills the pod from the vial. Phil sips from the pod and dies. Reveal 7

Resolution John rescues some of the new seeds. Prepares a new blend. Passes it around to Mel, Susan and the sheriff. They all agree it tastes good.

That afternoon, John, Mel and Abe carry Phil’s body to the mountain top lake.

As the sun goes down, Abe fashions a raft from logs. They place firewood on the raft.

The ceremoniously lay Phil’s body on the firewood.

Mel sets the wood ablaze.

John launches it off into the middle of the lake.

Abruptly Abe leaps into the water. Gets on the raft. Jumps into the fire. Joins Phil in the flames.

The funeral pyre drifts across the lake.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by  Tom Wilson.

[Caroline Fritz]

[WIM] Caroline’s Reveals!

My Vision: I will perfect my process of writing great scripts and be recognized by the industry as good at what I do and have successful movies produced.

What I learned: I did have a lot of the setup and reveals already built in due to the work from before.

1. What will I reveal?

2. When will the reveal show up in the story?

3. What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

4. Where in the story do those setups belong?

Beat Sheet

Act 1: Callahan Terry stops a terrorist attack at a reception in Bahrain.

PJ 1: Callahan is undercover at an event in Bahrain looking for a terrorist. ACTION: Callahan stops an attack on the members of the House of Khalifa and takes down the terrorist.

Motivation: While on a holiday Callahan Terry, an MI6 agent, and his wife, Bridget, met Aaron Copley and his wife Gabrielle, at a resort in Sardinia and hit it off. The resort was attacked by terrorists and many people died, including Bridget. Aaron and Gabrielle helped Callahan and Aaron was the lead agent for the CIA tracking down and arresting the terrorists. They have been trauma-bonded friends ever since.

Deeper Layer: Callahan is a secret spy who presents as a mild-mannered pencil pusher.

Setup: Callahan attends a reception as an attaché to the British Embassy.

Reveal: Callahan is really a super spy with great skills.

PJ 2: Callahan travels to Virginia to see his American friends, Aaron and Gabrielle Copley. Aaron is a CIA agent. ACTION: Callahan is happy to see his friends.

Inciting Incident: Gabrielle is kidnapped on her way to the supermarket. ACTION: Callahan’s training kicks in and he goes into tactical mode.

AJ 1: Aaron’s wife is kidnapped and Aaron disappears during the ransom drop. ACTION: Callahan gets into a fire fight with the kidnappers.

Turning Point 1: Callahan shadows Aaron to the ransom drop and sees Aaron swept up.

AJ 2: Deeper Layer: Aaron is a corrupt CIA agent who is setting up his friend Callahan.

Setup: Aaron presents himself as a by-the-book CIA agent.

Reveal: Aaron messes up the ransom drop and gets swept up by the kidnappers.

Act 2

Callahan is in a race to save his friends.

PJ 3: ACTION: Callahan tries to report what happened to the CIA but he is interrogated and threatened with deportation. He decides to go rogue.

Deeper Layer: The CIA dismisses Callahan but they have had Aaron under surveillance, unbeknownst to Callahan. ACTION: Callahan recognizes that he is being tailed and takes advantage of it.

Setup: Callahan attempts to go through official channels to help his friends.

Reveal: When he is rebuffed, Callahan goes all in to save his friends.

Midpoint turning point: Callahan hears from the kidnapper, an arms dealer who killed Callahan’s wife at a resort in Sardinia. ACTION: Callahan warns the kidnapper.

Setup: Callahan gets a call from the kidnapper.

Reveal: The kidnapper, an arms dealer, killed Callahn’s wife in retaliation for MI6 scuttling an arms deal.

Escalation: The arms dealer beckons Callahan to his lair in Mexico by taunting him about his wife’s death. ACTION: Callahan prepares himself mentally.

PJ 4: Callahan is filled with rage but needs to be objective and smart. ACTION: Callahan controls his rage.

PJ 5: Callahan takes stock of his skills and arms himself.

Act 3

New plan and overwhelming odds: Callahan embarks on a desperate cross-country trip to the arms dealer’s lair and sneaks into the heavily fortified fortress in the dark of night with the CIA on his trail.

Turning Point 3: huge failure/major shift: Callahan finds out that Aaron is on the arms dealer’s side and was paid to deliver him. ACTION: Callahan is taken aback by Aaron’s betrayal.

Setup: Aaron calls Callahan, begging him for help.

Reveal: Callahan creeps into the compound and sees Aaron being friendly with the arms dealer.

PJ 5: Callahan’s faith in Aaron is shattered when Aaron calls and taunts him while Callahan is casing the compound. ACTION: Callahan is angry at his friend.

AJ 3: Aaron embraces his true evil self. ACTION: Aaron is vengeful.

Act 4

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: Callahan gets into a firefight with his friend, Aaron as well as the arms dealer’s men. ACTION: Aaron tries to destroy everyone. ACTION: Callahan is enraged as well.

Setup: The CIA bursts in to clean up the scene.

Reveal: Aaron has been on the CIA’s radar for a long time.

Resolution: Aaron is arrested by the trailing CIA agents. The arms dealer gets away. Callahan rescues Gabrielle who had no idea what was going on.

AJ 4: Aaron is combative and smug as he is arrested. ACTION: Aaron shows no remorse.

PJ 6: Callahan is sad for Gabrielle and bewildered by what happened. ACTION: Callahan comforts Gabrielle.

[Bobby Sacher]

Bobby’s Set-ups and Reveals

What I learned doing this assignment is… adding/identifying reveals is a great way to back up and make earlier scenes more specific and relevant. And I do have a question: Is there a difference between SET-UP/REVEAL, and SET-UP/PAY-OFF?

MY VISION: A writing life that is mine to do with as I please. Independently wealthy, always creatively engaged, sought after, and utterly fulfilled.

Title: JASON VS THE ZOMBIES

Genre: Horror/Comedy

Log Line: A tormented, aspiring serial killer must join forces with the bullies that were his intended victims, when their remote cabin is attacked by zombies from the nearby Civil War graveyard.

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

SET-UP: Innocent couple chased by deranged killer!

COLD OPEN: couple (MARK and MOLLY) chased through woods by masked killer. JASON swings from a vine above, kills Mark with a machete, and “rescues” Molly – who loved him all along.

REVEAL: The killer is Jason – and he’s the Protagonist

SET-UP: Jason fantasizes about killing kids?

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – DAY

Jason is woken by CARL (Dad) with a punch to the nuts. Carl mocks him, berates him for being late to work, etc. Carl sees the anger in Jason’s eyes, dares him to take a swing. Jason apologizes.

INT. BENNY’S DINER – KITCHEN – NIGHT

Jason late to work, abused and mocked by BOSS. He apologizes again. Boss tells him to bring food to bullies – Jason begs him not to.

SET-UP: What is Jason so scared of?

SET-UP: Jason shows some technical skill? Does this come back at end? Need to think of something…

INT. BENNY’S DINER – RESTAURANT – NIGHT

INCITING INCIDENT: Jason is humiliated by HACK and other bullies. Jason is blamed, and fired by boss. Jason begs not to be fired – his dad will kill him.

REVEAL: We see what Jason was scared of – and who Mark and Molly are

SET-UP: There’s going to be trouble at home

EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT

Jason overhears group’s camping plans for morning. Mark and Hack have intense discussion about Hack’s violence – Mark pleading, Hack bows his head, apologetic – but goes blank when Mark turns.

SET-UP: Mark/Hack dynamic – Hack’s got a history of “going too far”; Mark seems a little tentative

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

Before going inside, Jason grabs (what? Something like a cup), and sticks it down his pants to protect his balls.

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

TURNING POINT I: Carl sides with bullies (”You’ll always be a loser, ‘cause you can’t take what you want.”) Under threat, Jason agrees.

SET-UP: Father’s “rubric” for being a winner, which Jason fights against the whole script

REVEAL: Jason’s mom is dead

INT. JASON’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

Jason watches Mark drop Molly off; they make out. Jason looks at posters of Jason, Freddy, etc on wall. Decides to take action.

END OF ACT I

INT. JASON’S HOUSE – NIGHT

PACKING SCENE: Jason loads duffel with weapons. Pulls down STEEL ARROW (key prop) from wall. Takes Carl’s gun from nightstand while he sleeps. Ties Star Wars shirt around forehead. Hurts himself numerous times on weapons.

He puts on hockey mask.

REVEAL: Jason is living out his fantasies

EXT. JASON’S HOUSE – MORNING

Jason follows Mark and Molly in his car.

EXT. MOUNTAIN ROAD – DAY

Mark and crew drive up mountain. Hack plays with a spider – flicks it on Astrid when she reacts. Jason follows in his car.

SET-UP: Hack’s cruelty…

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

He’s lost them. Frantically speeds up, comes around turn…

INT. MARK’S CAR – DAY

River has overflowed banks, road is blocked.

INT. JASON’S CAR – DAY

Jason jams on breaks, car skids off road into ditch. Mark and crew are just up the road.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Mark and crew traipse through woods – ground muddy. Mark bends down by river – trails of blue liquid in the water. Mark says they’re doing something up at Harcove (secret military base) – no swimming in lake for them.

SET-UP: There’s a military base upriver; what’s the blue tint? Water poisoned? Mark used to it…

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Group moves through Civil War graveyard. Sees empty graves. Hack pushes Chet into one, as they leave. Watches as he struggles. Mark helps Chet out.

SET-UP: Why are graves dug up?

SET-UP: Hack loves taunting Chet

EXT. GRAVEYARD – DAY

Jason lugs his duffel, struggling. Falls into same grave as Chet. Panics – claustrophobia. Has to close his eyes and calm himself. Finds his own way out.

SET-UP: Jason struggles with claustrophobia

GC: Skeletal hand breaks from another grave.

SET-UP: There’s something worse in the woods than Jason (how much to reveal?)

EXT. CABIN – DAY

They boat across lake to cabin. Mark’s older sister MAGGIE and skeevy boyfriend TOP come out – Mark’s upset, but they’ve got beer. Mark points out her new – seemingly infected – tattoo. Top’s got one too. They jump in lake despite Mark’s warning.

SET-UP: Maggie and Top go swimming in polluted water, with open wounds (tattoos)

INT. CABIN – DAY

Group lugs stuff in, cracks beers, etc. Mark not happy, he and Molly still at odds [OVER WHAT?].

SET-UP: Trouble with Mark and Molly, involving Jason and Hack

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason sees Cabin below. Watches enviously.

Drain Pipe leads under lake. Jason sees “3 M’s Forever” carved into tree. Hacks at it with machete – hurts his hand.

REVEAL: There’s history with Mark and Molly

SET-UP: Who did these three use to be to each other?

[FLASHBACK?? Jason, Mark and Molly as kids, carving]

Jason stows duffel in drain pipe.

SET-UP: Gonna need those weapons later!

INT./EXT. CABIN SCENES

Scenes of group lounging, fucking around, etc. Establish group dynamics. Two members get in boat to go get wood for bonfire. [SPLIT SCENES – Jump Scares, etc]

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Hack takes a piss. Hears a noise…

EXT. HOUSE – DAY

CHET forgot weed in car!! He has to go get it.

EXT. WOODS – DAY

Jason creeps up, looks below – sees Hack, tormenting a wounded raccoon with a sharp stick. Hack kills it.

SET-UP/REVEAL: Hack is dangerous (set-up)

EXT. HOUSE/WOODS

More scenes here… Mark/Molly dynamic?

REVEAL: Mark isn’t the bully Jason thinks he is

SET-UP: Mark has his OWN bully (Hack)

EXT. WOODS – DUSK

Chet sits against rock, lights joint. Jason, machete in hand, creeps up behind him. EASY chance for Jason. He can’t do it. Starts to back away, defeated.

Chet catches him (Jason ditches machete). Mocks him –

TURNING POINT II: DEATH #1: Chet killed by Zombie.

REVEAL: There are zombies in the woods!

Hack cuts Zombie’s head off with machete. Realizes Jason was there to kill them. Hack hands Jason machete, tells him to kill Hack first. Jason can’t. Hack takes machete, puts it to Jason’s throat.

REVEAL: Hack is a sociopath

SET-UP: What is Hack going to do with Jason?

END OF ACT II

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Hack brings Jason inside. Jason tells them Chet is dead, zombies are out there. Everyone laughs. Hack lies, holds up joint, said he found it on a log. Jason tries to escape, they won’t let him.

SET-UP: Jason is in the lion’s den – what happens when they find out what he’s there for??

Molly defends Jason. Group relents. Alan says he’s going to go get Chet – Astrid goes too: wants the pot Chet’s obviously hogging, despite Jason’s warnings.

INT./EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Alan/Astrid look for Chet. Cut back and forth with various groups. JUMP SCARES, etc.

In cabin, Mark probes Jason to see why he really came here. Hack signals to Jason to keep quiet. Jason won’t talk. Mark is pissed.

DEATH #2: ASTRID screams in horror. Group finds one sandal.

SET-UP: What happened to Astrid?

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

Debate on whether Astrid’s fucking with them. Maggie leaps from couch, now a zombie.

DEATH #3: Maggie kills _____. DEATH #4: Maggie dies – Jason grabs lacrosse stick, nets her head, yells instructions (Gotta destroy the brain!) Hack watches, amused. Then Hack smashes her skull in with ______.

Group flips out, screaming at Hack, who smiles.

Jason flips on flood lights – outside, zombies stumble into view, one by one – all dressed in Union uniforms, with guns.

REVEAL: Astrid is a zombie

Zombies turn towards light. Mark goes to turn off lights:

Power goes out! Look for weapons – lacrosse sticks, footballs, fishing rods – NOTHING. Jason raises hand like in class – says he’s got weapons.

SET-UP: The shit’s gonna hit the fan

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Mark and Jason go into drain pipe in basement – they used to do this as kids. Mark pulls Alan aside, says to stay by Molly, and keep an eye on Hack. Jason balks, terrified. Mark reminds Jason of time he got Mark out of cave?

REVEAL: Their history as kids/carving of the tree

REVEAL: Jason’s claustrophobia comes back big time. Mark talks him through it.

SET-UP: Mark apologizes – says Jason was always the nicer of them (but he was there to kill Mark…)

EXT. CABIN/WOODS – NIGHT

Jason and Mark retrieve duffel bag. They get chased back down tunnel, shove boiler or something on top of trap door. That way out is gone.

INT. CABIN – NIGHT

They distribute weapons, laughing at Jason’s “cosplay geekness” coming in handy. Hack pulls gun out – Jason’s cover is blown. Jason has it out with his tormentors, standing up to all of them.

REVEAL: Jason was there to kill them

Top is suddenly a whimpering mess – group sees blue leaking from his tattoo.

DEATH #5: Hack grabs flail, and rips Top’s head off.

Mark finally confronts Hack [show Mark NOT standing up to Hack earlier?]. Orders him to sit down in a corner. Hack nods graciously. Sits. Smokes.

SET-UP: What will Hack do now?

New Plan: Jason says they’ve got to block every entrance. Group tries to block doors, windows – bullets blast through glass, and zombies – LOTS of them – cross lake.

Mark orders everyone upstairs. No one can find Hack.

INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT

Hack sees stuff blocking trap door. Hears thumping below.

SET-UP: Hack gets an idea…

INT. LEVEL 1 STAIRWELL

Kids scramble upstairs. Mark locks door. They hurl EVERYTHING down the stairwell – mattresses, chairs, dressers – until stairwell is FULL. No one’s getting up there.

Jason worries about the servants passage. Mark reveals “servant passages” – but no zombie would know about them. Passages go to kitchen – not a way out.

SET-UP: Hack knows about them

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Calm before storm. Debate next steps.

Molly approaches Jason, who retreats. She apologizes, but insists he open up. First real crack in Jason’s armor, as he talks about what his dad said, how alone he’s been.

REVEAL: Jason’s wound – his mom died, and Mark and Molly abandoned him. AND Jason learns he shut himself off from Molly (”I came around every day. You never came out.”)

Molly defends Mark: “You don’t know what he went through.” Ends in argument, Jason stalks off.

SET-UP: What did Mark go through?

INT. MARK’S BEDROOM

Jason comes in to see Mark staring at pictures on wall: the three of them, when they were 7. Jason – not angry – asks “why?” We learn how scared of Hack Mark is (Mark thinks Hack may have killed his own parents).

REVEAL: Mark is as scared of Hack as Jason; Hack may have killed his own parents; Mark didn’t want Jason around Hack

INT. BASEMENT

Hack lifts trap door. Zombies flood the space. Hack takes last one, lets it bite him – then rips its head off. Looks at his arm, and waits.

SET-UP: Hack has a chance to BE a monster

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Alan (?) comes in with bow and arrow set. Mark won silver medal – reveal: Jason won gold. Beginning of reconciliation?

SET-UP: Jason’s got skills

INT. KITCHEN

TURNING POINT 3: Zombie-Hack appears. Slides wall panel open. Passage up.

REVEAL: Hack is now a true monster

END ACT III

INT. CABIN – UPSTAIRS PANTRY/LIBRARY (?)

Panel bursts open, Zombies – led by Hack – flood the hall. Hack talks, gutteral, beastial.

SET-UP: Hack calls for Mark – he’s coming for him!

Group on the run – Mark and Jason consulting as to next steps.

INT. CABIN – FAR UPSTAIRS HALLWAY

Button releases electric attic ladder – gets stuck halfway. Zombies stumble around corner. Jason puts arrows in them as group scramble up stairs. Mark uses flail.

REVEAL: Jason IS a hero

Mark retreats, and yanks Jason up by the collar just in time.

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Trapped. Zombies climb ladder one by one, as they try and get thick attic window open. Try everything to break it.

INT. HALLWAY

Below, Zombie-Hack looks to far end, and another window. Shambles off that way.

SET-UP: Hack is “smarter than your average zombie”

INT. ATTIC/CRAWLSPACE

Roger fights off zombies with inadequate weaponry. Big argument. Then group realizes… it opens OUT.

EXT. ROOF – NIGHT

REVEAL: Hack has beat them to the roof. With final dialogue, says he’s finally happy for first time – feels like himself, doesn’t have to pretend. ATTACKS MARK!

Jason kills Zombie-Hack, and saves Mark and Molly.

EXT. ROOF

SET-UP: Hack’s dead – and they’re safe on the roof… and are utterly surrounded. No way out

Jason ties fishing wire to steel arrow, shoots it through tree on far side of lake. They rappel down [echo of Jason’s opening dream], and escape into woods.

REVEAL: Jason’s fantasy comes true (kind of); he’s the hero

EXT. ZOMBIE GRAVEYARD

SET-UP: They arrive at graveyard, to find MORE zombies bursting from ground. And zombies arriving behind. They’re trapped.

CONFEDERATE Zombies attack Union Zombies. Kids sneak off in the chaos.

REVEAL: Even zombies have enemies!

EXT. ROAD – DAWN

They siphon gas from Jason’s upside-down car, into Mark’s car. Mark worries what Jason’s dad will do. Jason shrugs. “Guess we’ll have a talk.”

REVEAL: Jason no longer scared of his dad

[Veronica Turowski]

Veronica Turowski’s Character Action Tracks!

What I learned from doing this assignment is I had a lot of the setups and reveals built in, but I added more and flushed out a couple of things. I still have more to discover, and I can’t wait to see my final script.

My Vision: I want to be a successful writer who writes several scripts a year and sells them to producers who are eager to make my vision a reality by bringing my scripts to completion so everyone can watch my movies on the big screen.

Concept: While at a funeral, a professional mourner is told by the deceased they were murdered, but when no one believes the mourner, she decides to find and stop the serial killer before he kills his next victim, only to discover she is a ghost and is the mother of the serial killer.

Title: Justice from the Grave

Genre: Supernatural Thriller

ACT 1:

Hayden AJ 1: Hayden sneaks into Lonnie’s office. When he puts a knife against Lonnie’s neck, Lonnie hits Hayden in the head with a Bible. Hayden’s nose bleeds profusely. Hayden says at least he can’t smell that awful cologne anymore. Hayden says he was not going to let him suffer, but since his DNA is all over, he tells Lonnie it’s going to be painful.

Lonnie PJ 1: Lonnie says he thought Evren was telling stories about Hayden being like Captain Ahab, the whale killer, not King Ahab, the evil ruler who killed people. Or maybe Evren referenced his dad and Lonnie as Cain and Abel.

SETUP: Hayden kills Lonnie and Hayden hates the smell of Lonnie’s cologne.

(Maybe Hayden was taken in by Lonnie’s family after the death of his parents?)

Eppsa PJ 1: Eppsa turns and sees the news in the ER waiting room as she goes through the open doors to the ER rooms. The news says Hayden’s a hero for trying to save his pastor, Lonnie, who was attacked. Eppsa rushes down the hall and finds a chart with Hayden’s name on it. The bed is empty.

INCITING INCIDENT:

Eppsa PJ 2: There’s a code blue. Eppsa jumps when the alarms sound. Doctors and nurses flood a room. She watches Lonnie exit the room. He looks at her like he’s confused and disappears. Eppsa panics and runs away.

REVEAL: Lonnie is a ghost.

Eppsa PJ 3: Dressed in all black, Eppsa goes to Lonnie’s funeral. She cries for Lonnie and his family. She sees Lonnie and is frightened. He pleads for her to come over. He waves his Bible, symbolizing he doesn’t want to hurt her. She reluctantly talks to him.

SETUP: Eppsa can see and talk to spirits.

Lonnie PJ 2: Lonnie tells Eppsa he was a pastor. He jokes that he was a good one, too. Since she can see him, he needs her help. He doesn’t remember his attacker, but he knows the name of the next victim, Ramone Deliz.

REVEAL: Lonnie has the ability to give the names of the serial killer’s victims, so she can help stop the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 2: Evren, Hayden’s young son, takes money from a customer. Hayden removes an ice cream bar and popsicle stored next to the dead body of Ramone, who is in the freezer of his ice cream truck. The ice cream is getting soft. Ramone’s body made it too warm. The red popsicle drips across the floor. He hands the ice cream to the kids. He smiles as he licks the red popsicle oozing down his hand. He drives to a dilapidated area. Evren eats ice cream and plays a video game in the front seat while Hayden drags Ramone’s body into an abandoned warehouse where the slashes up Ramone’s wrists are visible. Hayden wants to stop at the flower shop for Neta because they are running late.

REVEAL: Hayden is the serial killer.

TURNING POINT 1:

Eppsa PJ 4: In the obituary, Eppsa finds Ramone Deliz, and it proclaims he killed himself by slitting his wrists. She cries.

Lonnie PJ 3: Lonnie meets with the ghost of Ramone Deliz. Lonnie holds his Bible in one hand and wraps his other arm around the man. They disappear.

ACT 2:

Eppsa PJ 5: Eppsa goes to the cemetery. She calls out for Lonnie. She says not to ignore her like everyone else seems to. Annoyed, she tells Lonnie the man killed himself. Stop playing games.

Lonnie PJ 4: Lonnie says Ramone’s name just came to him. Knowing things is part of the spirit world, but spirits don’t always know everything. Eppsa doesn’t believe him. He says someone should notify the police to search for a possible serial killer.

Hayden AJ 3: Hayden cleans out his ice cream truck. He gets a call from the police to come to do a sketch. He rolls his eyes or chuckles at them.

Eppsa PJ 6: Eppsa calls the police. They have a bad connection, and they tell her to call back. She calls again. It’s staticky. They tell her to come in. Lonnie, very faint, appears in Eppsa’s house. Startled, she jumps. She wants Lonnie to stay away.

SETUP: The cop only hears static on the phone.

Hayden AJ 4: Hayden describes a man for the cops’ sketch at the police station. Hayden retells his lie, stating when he chased the man away, when he was trying to kill Lonnie, the man slashed his arm.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden is a good liar and manipulator. People love him.

Eppsa PJ 7: Eppsa is at the busy police station waiting to talk to someone. No one listens to her. She checks her watch. Officer Moss, sitting at a desk, points in her direction and motions her over. (She passes by Hayden in a chair but doesn’t notice him because he’s not facing her and he’s wearing a hat.) He is actually pointing to someone else.

SETUP: Eppsa wasn’t called over by a cop; the cop was talking to someone behind her.

Hayden AJ 5: The cops want to give him an award for being a good Samaritan. He shivers and tells a cop it’s drafty in the station. He leaves.

SETUP: The cold air he feels is from the spirit of his mother.

Eppsa PJ 8: Eppsa hears a cop yell after Hayden for his good work. She turns away from Officer Moss and rushes after Hayden. He’s gone. In the parking lot, she overhears cops saying these last few deaths were because they tried TikTok challenges.

Eppsa PJ 9: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to tell Lonnie he’s wrong. There isn’t a serial killer. The slew of deaths are from TikTok challenges and suicides. She questions his belief in God. He should want to go to heaven. She says she won’t hang around the earth when she dies. Heaven is beautiful. Lonnie needs to stop holding on and pass over like a good spirit.

SETUP: Eppsa is a ghost who can’t move on.

Lonnie PJ 5: Lonnie gets mad that she thinks he’s lying. He tells her the name of the next victim, Finnick Carnell, and says there’s more to come. He vanishes.

Eppsa PJ 10: Eppsa turns to Clover. Eppsa thinks Lonnie is confused and wants to see if Clover can help Lonnie pass over. Clover and Eppsa have met on several occasions. Eppsa believes she is sitting at the table with Clover as a person. Clover tells Eppsa she won’t accept money because Eppsa is selfless and is always trying to help people. Clover knows Eppsa can’t pay because she’s a spirit.

SETUP: Clover is a medium that can talk to Eppsa.

REVEAL: Lonnie can’t pass over until the serial killer is dead.

Hayden AJ 6: Hayden goes camping with Neta and Evren. After fishing, Hayden makes Evren kill and clean the fish he caught. Hayden rationalizes his killing to Evren. Evren tells Hayden of this new kid in the neighborhood, Reece Ziccardi. Hayden recognizes the last name, Ziccardi. Evren remembers the last name because it rhymes with Bacardi, which is Neta’s favorite alcohol. Hayden is curious if his old friend, Finnick Ziccardi, has moved back to town.

SETUP: Hayden is looking for his next victim, Finnick.

Eppsa PJ 11: While Eppsa is looking at a map of Kestner’s in the area, a neighbor, Bess, stops by to visit. They say it seems like years since they’ve seen each other (that’s because Eppsa died years ago). Bess was on a trip and recently died while in Nepal. Bess and Eppsa don’t know either of them are ghosts. Bess tells her about her trip to Mt. Everest and that she had gotten altitude sickness while climbing. She said the rescue team thought she was going to die. She doesn’t remember the rescue team bringing her down or her trip home, but she’s fully recovered now. Eppsa is looking for Hayden. He won’t talk to her since they had a big fight. She wants to beg him for forgiveness.

SETUP: Bess is a ghost.

SETUP: Eppsa is looking for Hayden to beg for forgiveness.

Lonnie PJ 6: Lonnie sees a little girl, Clair, at a funeral. Clair is alive and at Ramone’s funeral, which is her dad. Lonnie knows Eppsa won’t listen to him, so he wants the little girl to pass a message on to Eppsa. He describes Eppsa, who is always dressed in a black pants outfit and carries a white rose. The next victim is Tavish Stark, who is a member of the church. Eppsa must find Tavish now before he dies. Lonnie disappears.

SETUP: Clair can see Lonnie and other ghosts.

Eppsa PJ 12: Eppsa goes to the funeral of the man stored in Hayden’s ice cream truck. Clair speaks to Eppsa and tells Eppsa the name of another victim Lonnie gave her. Eppsa tells her they are dying because of TikTok videos, not a serial killer. Clair pleads with Eppsa. Eppsa decides to prove Lonnie wrong. She rushes into the church to find the address of the church member on the computer. Papers in the office move while she’s in there looking. She types on the computer. She finds Tavish’s address. A pastor, Palmer McKee, enters. She apologizes for being where she’s not supposed to be and runs away.

SETUP: Clair tells Eppsa that Hayden is going to kill someone.

SETUP: Palmer is a ghost.

Hayden AJ 7: Hayden argues with Tavish Stark about their high school days while Tavish is tied to a chair. Hayden makes him drink bleach and something like that in a TikTok video. Tavish dies. Hayden ducks back into the ice cream truck where Evren is waiting.

REVEAL: Hayden kills Tavish and reveals why he’s killing his old friends.

Lonnie PJ 7: Lonnie tells Clair that Eppsa is too late to stop Hayden this time. He wishes he could stop the killer, but he isn’t strong enough. The mother calls her daughter, Clair, back. Lonnie disappears, and Clair walks off with her mom, hand in hand.

REVEAL: Lonnie knows that Hayden killed Tavish.

REVEAL: Clair isn’t a ghost but a child who is at her dad’s funeral.

Eppsa PJ 13: Eppsa walks up to the front door and knocks. No answer. It’s locked. She goes around back. The door is locked. She looks in the window and sees Tavish on the floor with foam coming from his mouth. The Tavish’s wife enters the front door, walks into the kitchen, sees him, and screams. Eppsa runs.

TURNING POINT 2 / MIDPOINT:

Hayden AJ 8: Hayden throws Evren (8) a birthday party. Reece comes with Finnick, his dad. Finnick was Hayden’s friend from high school and will be another victim near the end. Hayden is chummy with Finnick, but secretly he’s getting information to find him later to kill him.

REVEAL: Finnick is Hayden’s old friend and will now become another victim.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Hayden wanted to make sure Evren’s friend’s dad was one of his friends from school who had moved back to town.

Eppsa PJ 14: Eppsa goes back to Clover to help Lonnie pass over. Clover channels Lonnie.

Lonnie PJ 8: Lonnie talks to Clover while Eppsa is “visiting” Clover. Lonnie has low energy, and Clover can’t hear him very clearly. He tells them he wants to go, but it’s impossible to go unless the killer is stopped. God knows he’s here and was told he will be a key in stopping the killer. It’s all in God’s time.

REVEAL: God is allowing Lonnie to be on earth to help stop Hayden.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Clover can talk to Eppsa and Lonnie because she can channel them. Eppsa has a strong presence on earth because of unfinished business. Lonnie wants to move on and has a foot here and a foot on the other side.

Hayden AJ 9: Hayden and Evren go to the soup kitchen in the ice cream truck. They pass out food. Hayden inquiries about his next victim, Kenji, who hasn’t shown up to the soup kitchen in a while. Kenji was hospitalized, but he will be released soon. They thank Hayden for being so thoughtful.

SETUP: Hayden’s searching for his next victim, Kenji.

Eppsa PJ 15: Eppsa hears a scream and a crash outside her house. She rushes outside. Bess runs up the steps. She tried to move out of the way of the bicyclist, but when the bicyclist swerved, she fell into the street. She needs to call 911. The 911 operator can’t hear her on the phone. Bess passes out. Eppsa rushes outside to help. There’s a swarm of people and a police siren in the distance. She sees the ghost of a young woman walking away from the accident. The young woman looks at Eppsa and signals her over. Eppsa is afraid. The young girl disappears. Eppsa freaks out and slams her door. She tells Bess to rest because the bicyclist will be okay.

REVEAL: Bess is a ghost, and the bicyclist was trying to avoid her.

Hayden AJ 10: Hayden receives a Good Samaritan award at the police station.

ACT 3:

Eppsa PJ 16: Eppsa attends Tavish’s funeral.

Lonnie PJ 9: Lonnie sees Eppsa at the funeral. Eppsa wants to be left alone. She can’t stop everyone from playing TikTok games. Lonnie tells her that all the victims graduated from the same high school. (They were all 29 and 30 when they died.) He knows it’s a serial killer. Eppsa is now worried Hayden’s life is in jeopardy.

SETUP: Lonnie wants her to realize the men dying graduated from Hayden’s high school, and they were all the same age.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Eppsa realizes they all went to school with Hayden. She must protect him from the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 11: Hayden takes Evren hunting. Evren shoots the rabbit. The rabbit is only hurt. Hayden makes Evren kill the rabbit so it doesn’t suffer. That’s what Hayden’s dad taught him.

SETUP: Hayden is grooming Evren to become a serial killer since he thinks it’s genetic.

Eppsa PJ 17: She talks to Clover, trying to get answers and find Hayden before he becomes a victim of the serial killer. Clover senses a dark spirit around Hayden, but she can’t find him. Eppsa also wants to speak to her dead husband, Gruzby, thinking he might be able to help her. Clover can’t see into the darkness where his soul lingers.

SETUP: Eppsa’s husband, Gruzby, is in Hell.

Lonnie PJ 10: Lonnie walks through the church. He tells the statue of Jesus he wants to go to the other side, but he knows he must stay to help Eppsa. He asks for guidance.

Eppsa PJ 18: Eppsa’s neighbor comes over to talk. Eppsa tells her about Lonnie. Her neighbor says Lonnie is a confused spirit. Or he’s mad because he can’t pass over. She had read that somewhere.

Hayden AJ 12: Hayden brings Evren to the cemetery. Hayden tells Evren about his amazing grandfather, Gruzby, and Evren is just like him.

SETUP: Hayden idolizes Gruzby and emphasizes how Evren is just like his grandfather.

Lonnie PJ 11: Lonnie sees Hayden and Evren. He recognizes Hayden. He rushes at him but can’t do anything. Hayden senses Lonnie’s spirit. He smells his cologne. Hayden laughs at Lonnie.

REVEAL: Hayden smells Lonnie’s cologne and knows Lonnie’s presence is there.

TURNING POINT 3:

Eppsa PJ 19: Eppsa goes to church to pray. She sees a woman cry while praying. The woman takes her to her grandson’s gravesite. Her grandson, Monroe, was born the same year as her son and died the year before their high school graduation. The woman wants to find the killer because she knows Monroe didn’t kill himself. Eppsa recognizes the picture of the kid on the headstone in his letterman jacket.

SETUP: Eppsa sees another ghost.

REVEAL: Eppsa recognizes Hayden’s friend. Now, she fears Hayden is going to be a victim.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Monroe was Hayden’s first victim in high school. Possibly, all of Hayden’s friends were exceptional soccer players, and that is why they formed a bond from middle school through high school.

Lonnie PJ 12: Lonnie sees Eppsa with the woman. When she’s finished with the woman, Eppsa goes over to Lonnie. He tells Eppsa that other victims are waiting to pass over. She needs to help them. She ignores him because she doesn’t believe in lost spirits.

Hayden AJ 13: Hayden kills another victim, Kenji.

Eppsa PJ 20: Eppsa has a list of all the Kestner’s in the nearby towns. Each name, with the address and phone number, is crossed off, except one. She crosses the last one off. There’s a map with “X’s” on it throughout the cities surrounding her house. Lonnie appears and tries to tell her he knows the name of the killer. Eppsa throws something at him. He disappears.

REVEAL: Eppsa can’t find Hayden.

Hayden AJ 14: Hayden and his family play games at home.

Eppsa PJ 21: Eppsa, depressed and worried, goes to the church to talk to the pastor, Palmer McKee, about Lonnie. She wants to know how to get him to pass over. She thinks there must be something in the Bible to help him. She could suggest Lonnie’s a demon. She just wants to find her son. Palmer gives her advice.

SETUP: Palmer is a ghost.

Hayden AJ 15: A woman buys ice cream. She sees blood inside the truck. She says she’s an inspector for food trucks. He blames it on a melted red popsicle. She wants to get his information and inspect his truck. Evren walks up as Hayden kills the food truck inspector. Hayden explains it’s okay and that he will understand better when he’s an adult.

REVEAL: Hayden kills people other than his original victims.

Eppsa PJ 22: Eppsa is the only one who attends Kenji’s funeral.

Lonnie PJ 13: Lonnie talks to Clover, who tells him he must tell Eppsa the truth.

SETUP: Clover wants Lonnie to tell Eppsa she’s a ghost and her son is the serial killer.

Hayden AJ 16: Just before Hayden kills Finnick. Finnick tells him he will never stop killing. It’s in his blood like his father.

REVEAL: Hayden’s dad was a serial killer.

ACT 4:

Eppsa PJ 23: Eppsa goes to the cemetery to attend Finnick’s funeral.

Lonnie PJ 14: Lonnie tells Eppsa that Hayden is the serial killer. She doesn’t believe it. Lonnie tells her Hayden has one more victim, Neta. She must kill Hayden. Lonnie tells her to go home where she will find all the answers to her questions. If she doesn’t do it, he will haunt her forever. He tells her that her anger will give her the strength to do whatever it takes to stop Hayden.

Hayden AJ 17: Hayden and his wife, Neta, have a fight. She discovered the truth when Evren said something to her. She fears Evren might become like him because he killed a squirrel and skinned it. Evren told her his dad said it’s okay to kill, just don’t let it suffer when you do it. Neta can’t continue to live a lie. She’s going to turn him in. Hayden says there’s no proof of anything. Besides, he won’t hesitate to kill her and Evren if she even thinks about going to the cops.

REVEAL: Neta has known Hayden is a serial killer.

Eppsa PJ 24: Eppsa returns home. The house is dilapidated. There are old newspapers inside the doorway. One headline reveals she was killed in a murder-suicide. Now, she remembers. Infuriated, she calls Hayden on the phone and tells him to come home.

REVEAL: Eppsa is a ghost, and she learns Hayden is a serial killer.

Hayden AJ 18: Hayden, in disbelief, goes to his old house. Eppsa reveals herself. Hayden explains why he killed his first victim and then had to kill pastor Palmer McKee. She’s sorry she didn’t see he had mental problems. His dad was giving her problems and she didn’t have time to focus on him. She forces him to kill himself to stop the cycle. As he’s dying, Hayden says something about the cycle will never end.

REVEAL: Eppsa’s house is in shambles because it has been vacant since the murder-suicide.

REVEAL: Palmer was his second victim.

Eppsa PJ 25: Eppsa goes to her gravesite and sees the headstone where she and her husband are buried. She mourns for herself and her son. She calls out to Bess, who is patiently waiting in the distance. Eppsa takes her neighbor to visit her new gravesite. Lonnie appears.

REVEAL: Bess is a ghost.

Lonnie PJ 15: Eppsa, Lonnie, and Eppsa’s neighbor pass on, along with the other victims, including the grandmother of the first victim and pastor Palmer McKee, who was Hayden’s second victim years ago.

Resolution: After Hayden dies and Eppsa and the rest of the victims pass over, Neta and Evren are left. Evren will grow into a serial killer like his dad. Maybe he kills something in the basement or has a collection of dead animals in the basement.

REVEAL: Evren is going to be a serial killer when he becomes an adult.

[Joseph McGloin]

Joe McGloin’s Reveals

Vision: I am a talented, highly regarded, efficient, relaxed, happy, WGA screenwriter

What I learned from doing this assignment is how to identify then weave in reveals at a point in the outline process that makes for good timing as the story is sufficiently developed yet is still “small” enough that I can see the whole story and make good decisions about where these events can have the most bang for the buck.

3. Using that info, make a list of your answers to these four questions:

Question 1: What will you reveal?

1. That Max is her Guardian Angel, which is against the rules

Max is caught changing from robe and sandals to full-time human clothes.

AND that’s when Jane nearly discovers his secret identity.

2. Max failed Cherub

Clarence will not help Max

3. Clarence failed Cherub, too.

Jane is set up as the fall guy for the poorly prepared gun legislation

4. Max must wear a human body all the time and lose contact with Heaven

Max realizes how manipulative he is

5. Clarence saves the day by pushing a plan to mix angels and humans. Max must defend himself and Jane as the pilot program

Max in denial about being in love

Max’s abilities to cause/create little miracles causes Jane to distance herself from this freak

6. Jane feels love relationships will derail her mission.

7. Jane intends to reform politics with truth-telling. The opponent in the presidential election is the worst liar.

Jane reluctantly agrees to being pressured into dates, then feels justified standing them up

Jane misses meetings and secludes herself in her cubicle to work independently

8. Jane loves Max

Question 2: When will the reveal show up in the story?

1. When he confesses his love

2. When Max makes a nuisance of himself with Clarence who isn’t listening to Max’s pleas for assistance.

3. When Max is forced to return to Heaven as he can’t stay objective

4. When he has been too intrusive and overbearing.

5. When Jane threatens to leave politics and go off-mission.

6. When a co-worker asks how the date went.

7. When she is set up as the fall guy over a poorly worded bill (beg. Act II)

8. As Max realizes he also loves her so must resign without telling her why

Question 3: What setups need to be in place to have each reveal work?

1. He realizes his love

2. he doesn’t do well with Guardian either. He seems a special case.

3. That Max failed it

4. Max is unsuccessful while maintaining the link to Heaven

5. There is an issue with humanity failing to stop its own destruction without help

6. Jane has referenced a time this happened

7. Political lies have had a devastating impact somewhere

8. Jane has not liked him, then later finds him acceptable.

Question 4: Where in the story do those setups belong?

1. When he declares his love and inability to remain her “aide”

2. When he really gets on Clarence’s nerves early on

3. Where Clarence finally helps Max

4. When his intrusion has proved too much for Clarence

5. Around the same time Clarence finally helps Max

6. Act I, near the beginning of the story

7. When she has been set up as the fall guy

8. Just before Max tells her of his love

4. Build all of those into your outline, making sure there are setups for each reveal and that you have reveals in every Act.

Act 1: Max receives his assignment

Opening: PJ1 1 Max in Heaven is shown potential guardian angel assignments. He flips through them impatiently and with single word judgments. Time passes differently than on earth. It’s a lot faster.

PJ2 1 Jane is an independent local level political aide who runs from intimacy. She is cooly detached from her coworkers as she breezes into the office, who is tired of the lies politicians tell. Politics doesn’t have to be dirty, she says.

Deeper Layer: Jane is on track with her life mission so Max can’t mess it up. She wants to reform politics – lies to truth.

Inciting Incident: PJ 1 2 Despite his protests, Max is assigned to Jane. He continues to flip through other possibilities until the flipper is taken from him.

PJ2 2 Jane feels his dismay as a cold wind – not the AC – without knowing its source. Connection.

AJ1 Guardian Angel Supervisor Clarence is sure that a more senior Angel is needed for the assignment due to the big stakes, but he is overruled. Creates a level 5 hurricane with a tornado and a volcano in the mix. It creates havoc without causing any real harm.

PJ2.1 A man from the local government pressures Jane into a date. She reveals her take on relationships, that they will derail her career just like 2 people she knows. Relatives?

PJ1 3: (cute meet) Max visits her at work as the recently hired temp (who no one knew was coming or who hired him), where he surreptitiously interferes with her activities to gauge her response. From a distance plops a pile of papers to the floor. Shreds an important document. Pushes her in her supervisor’s way with a water-filled vase that spills on him. Shakes his head at her responses.

PJ2 3: Jane counters Max’s interference at each turn, turning each incident to her advantage. Gets rid of the trash on the floor. Sends for a new important document with updates for the lawmakers. It’s a hot day anyway.

PJ2 4 When a female co-worker asks how the date went, Jane said she stood him up. Why? He had it coming. He didn’t hear her view on relationships. The co-worker is dumbfounded.

Turning Point 1: AJ2 Clarence decides to let Max fail by giving him no support (and the silent treatment) while Max watches Jane’s co-workers manipulate her into being the fall guy for a poorly written bill. He hides the bill under a stack of posters.

Act 2: Max doesn’t handle the assignment well.

New plan: PJ1 4 Max accepts the role on a temporary basis he claims, until he can clear her of the impending danger. He makes their lives miserable with little pranks and causing pratfalls.

PJ2 4 At first Jane tries to run from the situation by considering resigning from her position as she feels out of control when she is copied on an email about it. She responds by email with her resignation, then at the last minute doesn’t press the send button but instead calls over an aide who knows the issues inside out. She is determined to put an end to all the lying she has to deal with.

PJ2 5 She rewrites the bill at the last minute with help from an aide. All in secret after hours. She plies the aide with pizza.

PJ1 5 Max’s requests for help from Clarence go unanswered as Jane is on mission. He makes a nuisance of himself by ringing a bell reserved for an important event until he gets Clarence’s undivided attention. Clarence announces that Max flunked Cherub.

PJ2 6 the re-written bill passes and Jane is a hero, catching her co-workers flat-footed. “Next time you want a fall guy, don’t copy them in your email.”

PJ1 6 (denial of love) Max as her aide disagrees with the new bill that is not as good as it appears. The two fight about the bill. His approach is to make people sign off on it and ignore the law makers. Max is frustrated but not defeated and has a dawning respect for Jane’s take charge approach.

Deeper Layer Reveal: AJ 3 Clarence and the heavenly bodies face a growing concern at humanity’s self-destruction (wars and discord appear as dark areas on earth, which Clarence shows to the higher ups) and what steps to take as the Guardian Angels are having decreasing success with humanity. Max is a case in point.

Midpoint Turning Point: Max forced to wear a human body full time to curb his interfering tendencies, easily created in Heaven, as Jane is catapulted into the national limelight – and increased distance from office aide Max – when her boss is arrested for vote tampering. She says” his friends let him down, happens every time.” At first Max ignores the limitation, being literally pushy and interfering in people’s space, then realizes how manipulative he is.

Act 3: Falling in love

Rethink everything: PJ1 7 Max gets himself promoted to political aide and buries himself in working hard for Jane. She has a dawning appreciation for him. Watches him late at night, head bent and deep in a pile of work.

PJ2 8 Jane deals with the cut-throat realities of national politics in surprisingly humane and non-political ways. Accepts a takeover attempt by schooling the offender in how to make sure his ideas succeed by (the secret) making sure they serve the good of the whole.

PJ1 8 Max struggles with allowing life for Jane to unfold, clamping his hands under his armpits and biting his lip and nails, which

AJ4 softens Clarence as he has a growing, grudging respect for Max. Sends Max a rainbow he can use later for whatever special need he has – one time) Max’s role is made easier when

PJ2 9 Jane’s political advisor has a sudden health crisis and she appoints Max in his place before he leaves the interview room. Advisor has lots more contact than aide.

PJ1 9 (overwhelming attraction) Their attraction grows. Max is conflicted as he loses his objectivity as her guardian angel. Get overprotective to an extreme, hurting the politician who is thwarting Jane’s efforts. He realizes he loves her.

PJ1 10 Max helps Jane while not trying to hover over her or he will be permanently extracted. He only does what menial tasks she asks of him, otherwise hanging back and observing, surprising both himself and Jane

AJ 5 Clarence watches Max closely, looking for a reason to pull the plug.

PJ2 10 Jane realizes she needs warm human contact (Max) to balance the downright inhuman politicians she is now forced to deal with, to help her see her constituents as more than a herd. She takes Max to dinner and dancing, bumbling her way through Gracy Heart-style but it works.

Turning Point: (break up) Jane professes her feelings for Max. Max realizes but can’t share that it is his love for Jane that makes him lose his Guardian Angel objectivity so he resigns as Jane’s aide, causing them to break up. He also confesses that he is her Guardian Angel, a big no-no. He walks outside, alone in a city full of people. He sits in her chair, leans back, observes every item on her cluttered desk, then at his picture on her desk. Then watches her walk into the office. Cries.

Act 4 All’s well that ends well.

AJ6 Clarence begrudgingly agrees that angels and humans live in different realms, so Max should return to Heaven so a new guardian angel can be assigned to Jane. Clarence discloses that he also flunked Cherib.

AJ7 There remains a great deal of concern for humanity itself, and its survival in these troubled times, but Jane seems to be a key figure as she appears on his screen. He types a message to the higher-ups with that important update.

PJ2 11 The night before the election Jane fights back against the false scandal over which she has little control, working with the aide who helped her with the bill, and turns the tables on her boss’s foes so the boss becomes President with Jane as VP. She realizes that people are dying and it’s sad how many.

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict: PJ1 11 Max lets go of all of his desires to shape her future, so she can be free to explore her life as VP– that is what love does. He simply observes her from a distance, and has only words of encouragement when she shares her plans.

PJ1 12 Max dies to return to heaven so another Guardian Angel can be appointed.

PJ2 12 Jane threatens to resign over the death.

AJ 8 Clarence must find a way to keep Jane on mission in politics. The higher-ups have given him that chore, which is also a test for him to ascend.

Deeper Level Reveal: PJ2 13 Jane must become President to fulfill her mission to bring honesty to politics and face the climate crisis head-on.

Resolution: AJ 9 Clarence has pushed a plan to allow humans and angels to interact with Max as the test case. He high-fives Max.

PJ1 13 (finally re-uniting) Max returns to his body by redeeming the rainbow (though can no longer bop back and forth between heaven and earth). Only a moment has passed since his departure.

PJ2 14 Jane She rescinds her resignation to become President. She is strong in her belief in people and decent politics.

PJ1 14 Max tells her there is something she needs to know about him…

[Erik Wooten]

Erik’s Reveals!

My vision is to achieve true excellence as a screenwriter, which causes me to be a consistently working writer, with actual movies made from some of my scripts, and to become wealthy as a screenwriter, develop relationships in the movie industry where I am recognized as a truly original writer, and to become indispensable in the market in which I want to write.

What I learned doing this assignment… Coming up with the reveals as a deliberate process can work wonders and really causes you to think through the necessary events of your story and forces you to make sure that what you put in has either a cause or a reason that the audience can see. The real gold in the process is putting yourself in charge of both what will happen and why it happens–and the link between the set-up and the reveal keeps your story “intact” and basically strong.

REVEALS

1. Daphne has wanted Penny to remain in the orphanage (and done her part to accomplish that)–because of an affection for her. Believes she has done the right thing. ACT 4

= SET-UP: Penny’s whole attitude toward being adopted
and her worldview. Spread throughout the story. /
Daphne separates Penny and Mara after they come back to the orphanage. Daphne
“stonewalls” when Sarah expresses a desire to adopt Penny.

2. Mara has a super sense of direction! <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2

= SET-UP: When the girls
are running down the city street, Mara seems to be taking mental notes of her
surroundings.<div>
</div><div>

3. Penny has accumulated a decent amount of cash… ACT 1

= SET-UP: She has a front pocket of her dress that is
obviously holding something (a small hand purse).
</div>

4. …given to her by Danny the chef over the years. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2

5. Another orphan has escaped out onto the alley – Mara. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 1

= SET-UP: The way Penny seems
to know the ins and outs of the orphanage suggests that it would be specific to
her alone, no other orphans—she seems to be the only kid wandering through the
orphanage.

6. Penny does not intend to go back to the orphanage. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2

= SET-UP: First, when she sets eyes on the mall, she
grabs Mara’s hand and makes for it. Then, she leads Mara to believe that they are just in the mall temporarily until the “dangerous man” from the street is gone.

7. Penny actually has an idea of the kind of parents she wants! (brought out at conclusion of her experience with Amanda) ACT 3

= SET-UP: For all of Act 2 and most of Act 3, Penny
has made clear that she has no hope in the idea of getting loving parents.

8. Penny needs Mara (as more than just a utility, a survival companion). <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 3

= SET-UP: Penny’s actions and attitude toward suggest
that she is more interested in controlling Mara so that she herself has a
better chance of surviving and staying out of the orphanage.

9. Sarah’s parents are withholding a trust fund from her until she has <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>two children. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2

= SET-UP: She is dreading
visiting her parents, has not seen them in a while.

10. Mara
has looked up to Penny for a long time, even though their interactions were
few. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 2 ? 3?

=
SET-UP: Mara seems either contrary to Penny or like she has to try hard to
connect with her.

11. Mara would take Penny over parents. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>ACT 4

= SET-UP: Mara appears content (but not quite <i style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>happy)
that she is now going to be adopted.

1. INT. ORPHANAGE – PREP KITCHEN – DAY

Always-eating orphan PENNY, 8, pops her head in looking for her buddy chef to slip her some snacks. (Maybe a little cash too, as the little bulge in the front pocket of her dress just might contain a (hand purse/coin purse). He is not around, so Penny snoops around—and accidentally starts an oil fire!

2. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALLWAYS

Sneaking back, Penny seems to know the ins and outs of the place. Then sees smoke. She follows it to the kitchen and realizes with horror that she must have started the fire.

3. INT. ORPHANAGE – HALLWAYS

The path back to her room becomes choked with smoke, and Penny flees in panic. She spots a window, gets it open, and climbs out.

4. EXT. ORPHANAGE / CITY ALLEY – CONTINUOUS

She hits the street, easing down from [a dumpster top ?], and comes face to face with orphan MARA, 7, who looks scared. They both run around to the front of the building, don’t see anybody from the orphanage, only smoke—then, just as Penny’s little hand purse falls out of er dress pocket, some menacing-looking man comes and forces the girls to run. [Mini-adventure… ]

5. EXT. ORPHANAGE

Kids and staff start to file out of the burning building, congregate on the street, a few hundred feet away.

6. EXT. CITY STREET – CONTINUOUS

Penny follows Mara’s apparently scanning eyes to the huge, looming shopping mall down the street —biggest in the country. Her face lights up with a realization, then she grabs Mara’s hand and takes off running down the street toward the mall. Mara seems to be taking mental notes of her surroundings.

7. EXT. /INT. MALL

The girls enter. A small city of a mall!…

ACT 2

8. INT. MALL

…Overwhelmed, they make their first tentative steps, navigating a sea of people. Mara, seemingly scared, protests that they need to go back. Penny leads Mara to believe that they are just in the mall until the “dangerous man” from the street is gone.

#. EXT. CITY STREET / ORPHANAGE – SAME

Fire trucks arrive.

9. INT. MALL

Penny and Mara spot a trolley cruising by, part of a whole transport system. The girls hop on for a joyride. They spot a huge candy store and jump off the trolley! Penny flashes some cash at Mara. Explains that Danny the cook has given her money over a long time.

10. INT. MALL

…Passing a boutique store on the way to the candy store, they are eyed by employee [ SARAH ], looking out of their element and gape-eyed. The situation appears curious to Sarah. Sarah mentions to her co-worker something about seeing her parents, and dreading it.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – SAME

The fire has been put out. HEADMISTRESS DAPHNE, 50’s, confirms a count of all the orphans—all except Penny & Mara! Daphne holds chef/cook DANNY accountable for the fire and fires him.

#. INT. MALL – CANDY STORE

Penny & Mara are in total bliss surrounded by the largest candy store anyone has ever seen! Later… they stuff their faces with chocolates and candy—much of which is taken “gratis”! Still later… they hold their bellies in sugar-overload agony. A worker approaches them, asks them don’t they have folks around. The girls leave, taking the cue.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – SAME

Firefighters confirm no one was hurt or killed in the fire. Head Mistress realizes that the girls must have gotten out. Calls police (or relevant party) to have a search put out for Penny and Mara.

#. INT. MALL – CLOTHING STORE

Penny realizes that they are going to have to get different clothes—and also act like they are not alone. They go into a kids’ clothing store, manhandle the clothes and a clerk lets them know that they have to PAY FOR the clothes. Asks where are your parents. Penny flashes her cash, saying they gave me this money.

#. INT. MALL

They go to one of the hundreds of directory signs and try to figure out what is where and where the trolley system goes. = STRATEGY SESSION

Mara pleads with Penny that they have to go back to the orphanage, but Penny refuses and asserts herself over Mara, saying somebody needs to take charge, and it is going to be me. And/or, that she does not intend to go back to the orphanage! = This can be elsewhere (but still Act 2)—big turning point.

#. INT. SARAH’S PARENTS HOUSE – DAY/NIGHT

Sarah meets with her parents, who indicate that they will not yield on their condition that Sarah has to have two kids in order to receive her trust fund. Sarah flounders in frustration and indecision in front of her cold mother. She parts with a veiled sort of threat or insult, etc, to her mother, her first act of rebellion.

#. INT. MALL – FOOD COURT

Penny & Mara get their first dinner, many curious eyes on them.

#. INT. MALL – LIQUOR STORE – NIGHT

AMANDA, 39, chats up the clerk, buying a bottle of hard liquor and wine. Clerk insinuates Amanda drinks just a little too much. Amanda responds back with high opinion of herself, profession, etc.

#. INT. OUTSIDE LIQUOR STORE

Penny and Mara watch Amanda walking out. Penny tells Mara to look cute for her, attract her attention. They lock eyes, Amanda smiles at the girls affectionately and makes her way.

#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

Penny and Mara watch Amanda, then follow her. The girls hear the mall PA announcement that it will be closing (in 30 minutes) and freak out. Decide they have to keep following Amanda. They watch her get on the futuristic, high-running elevator and get on themselves….

#. INT ELEVATOR – CONTINUOUS

Looking down through the all-glass elevator, Mara sees someone standing next to a mall security officer and pointing up at them. The girls see Amanda get off the elevator on a high level.

#. INT. MALL – UPPER LEVEL

Penny and Mara get off on the same level Amanda did just in time to see her disappear around a corner, and just as Mara looks back down and sees the mall security officer waiting on the elevator. She alerts Penny. They run down the long hall after Amanda, make a turn and see a wide set of double doors—no Amanda (which lead to the luxury apartments). They try to open the doors, but they open only with a special entry key system.

#. INT. BACK ON A LOWER LEVEL – HOME FURNISHINGS STORE

(The girls hide inside a home furnishings store. It goes dark at closing time, the staff leave, and Penny and Mara go to bed in luxurious beds in the store.)

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – NIGHT

Head Mistress Daphne gets the latest report from the searchers (police?) that the girls have not been found. Daphne breaks down and gets emotional (more for her own responsibility or emotional over the girls ??). Searchers assure her that they will find the girls.

#. INT. HOME FURNISHING STORE

They let loose and run around the place like crazy, jumping on the beds, food fight with popcorn, etc. (Pull out some more candy… almost get sick just looking at it, then go, simultaneously, “Nah…!”) They get into separate beds, until later Mara crawls into bed with Penny. Sensible, cautious Mara “sets” her internal alarm clock.

#. INT. HOME FURNISHINGS STORE – DAY

Next morning, the girls ( struggle to get out of the store but find their way out at the last minute / or, have to hide in the furniture store itself, then slink out at the first opportunity ).

#. INT. MALL – DAY

The mall is practically empty except for employees opening the shops—the girls realize they are totally vulnerable! (The girls look to the trolley system—it is not running yet.) Hide somewhere until the place starts filling up? Mara notices far down a security officer looking their direction. They realize they have to get new clothes.

#. EXT. AREA AROUND THE ORPHANAGE / DOWNTOWN STREET – DAY

Search team / police comb the downtown area surrounding the mall. They enter the mall.

#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – DAY

Sarah opens up her store, at which moment the trolley system springs to operation….

#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

…While across the vast mall corridor from Sarah’s store, Penny & Mara run for the trolley and jump on it…. ( Luckily for them, the trolley operator is not the same as yesterday! )

#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE STORE – CONTINUOUS

…Sarah spots the girls on the trolley and watches them jump off by the food court. She tells her co-worker that she is going to go grab some coffee, actually meaning to follow Penny & Mara.

#. INT. FOOD COURT

Penny & Mara are getting breakfast… Sarah spies them from across the court. She hangs out for a little while… looks at her watch… she has to get back (more than 10 min go by)… reluctantly heads back, eying the girls. The girls find a cell phone!

#. BACK AT BOUTIQUE STORE

Sarah still has a hawk-eye going, but now the mall has started to swell to its regular high-density traffic…. But then—bingo!—the girls show up again, coming Sarah’s direction…. But she loses them again!

#. BOUTIQUE STORE, OR SOMEWHERE ELSE

Sarah and the girls meet. Sarah wonders out loud at them if they are by themselves, covertly questioning. Upon parting, Penny tells Mara that they need to be careful of her (even though they both immediately see her as the ideal parent to adopt them!) From the point that the girls meet Sarah, all of their happy, carefree, comedy-filled moments ensue, mostly clustered. They end upon MIDPOINT, or shortly before.

#. INT. SARAH’S PLACE – NIGHT

Sarah tells her Fiancé about Penny & Mara—and also about her new job. Expresses her misgivings about the girls and that she needs to report that they are by themselves. Withholds from him the details of her meeting with her parents. *IMPORTANT: Should not bring up the new job until the interaction with Penny & Mara is a sufficient set-up for their relationship throughout the movie.

#. INT. MALL

Sarah takes the girls clothes shopping! Later, when parting, she takes them aside and hints that she knows, or suspects, what is going on with them. Gives them each a little bag with money, snacks. By scene’s end, she is convinced that the girls are on their own.

#. INT. MALL

WITH SARAH HERE ? (On an upper level, Penny accidentally drops her smothered hot dog down onto someone’s head on the level below them! They crack up laughing. Then, she drops some other food on someone’s head—this time for fun. Mara even follows suit.) Penny and Mara explore the upper levels of the mall (which contain the most fun for kids? AMUSEMENT PARK, TOY STORES, ETC).

#. INT. MALL

They explore the far reaches of the mall (now avoiding Sarah). They get in an argument about Sarah, Penny deciding that Sarah is too “dangerous” for them. Mara is not convinced but bows to Penny.

#. INT. MALL – FINE RESTAURANT – NIGHT

(They can’t get past the hostess/maître d’ at an upscale restaurant, but then Sarah arrives with her fiancé, she acts as the girls’ aunt, and they all get a table. Comic misadventures eating!) Maybe this should be Amanda instead, otherwise it will force Sarah’s decision right there—she cannot in good conscience just leave the girls to their devices.

#. INT. MALL – BOUTIQUE

Tired and worried about their situation, Mara insists that they find Sarah—Penny says no. Mara defies Penny and runs over to Sarah’s store—Penny doesn’t follow. When she finally does follow, they have lost each other! Mara is shocked to discover that Sarah is not there (she doesn’t work at the mall anymore).

#. INT. MALL – LATER

Sarah returns, looking for the girls, meaning to tell them that she got another job, but doesn’t find them.

#. INT. [ SARAH’S PLACE ] – NIGHT

Sarah and her fiancé argue over Penny and Mara and about having children generally. Sarah leaves him.

ACT 3

#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

Mara realizes she has lost Penny and so decides to leave the mall and try to go back to the orphanage….

#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

(Mara’s winding journey out of the mall.)

#. INT. MALL – CONTINUOUS

Panicky, Penny heads for Sarah’s store but is cautious upon approaching—she stops to scope it out first—and sees mall security there, talking to the employees! Hiding just out of view, Penny takes off without being seen.

#. UPPER LEVEL / LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION / OR LIQUOR STORE first

(Penny gets onto the elevator.) Knowing she has lost Mara, Penny seeks out Amanda, waiting just at the opening to the apartments section…. Eventually Amanda comes, and Penny gloms onto her.

#. EXT. MALL / CITY STREET

Mara makes it out, onto the jarring reality of the city street, she looks in both directions, orienting herself, gauging where the orphanage is from here. It is cold and windy. Lots of anonymous faces, a foreign world. She turns a corner or two and spots the orphanage. A moment of soul-searching—does she really want to go back? Or find Penny?…

#. INT. LUXURY APARTMENTS SECTION – AMANDA’S APARTMENT

Amanda brings Penny into her place. Very luxurious, anything a kid could want in a home. (Amanda says that before they do anything, they need to get Penny some new clothes.)

#. INT. MALL – LATER

Amanda takes Penny clothes-shopping.

#. EXT./INT. MALL

Mara sees a cat slink into the mall from the street. Following it back in, she catches a glimpse of it just in time disappearing around a corner, where there is [ a staircase or maybe some tunnel or chute-like thing where she slides down… ]

#. INT. SUBTERRANEAN COMPLEX

…And ends up in a vast underground area (is it a sewer system?). Something about it suggests it was once an area that was regularly inhabited for some purpose (business, whatever), maybe events or maybe construction of something that went into disuse. (Mara loses the cell phone.)

#. INT. AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Penny’s first night staying at Amanda’s.

#. INT. MALL – NEXT MORNING

Penny is now done up in clothes, hairstyle, and make-up courtesy of Amanda. Amanda totes Penny around as her errand-running companion. (Did Penny talk Amanda into helping find Mara?)

#. INT. MALL…

Mara makes way out of the subterranean area. Goes to….? thinking that Penny might show up.

#. INT. AMANDA’S APARTMENT – NIGHT

A man comes over and later Amanda tries to put Penny to bed. Penny watches (or otherwise hears, observes, etc) Amanda and her man friend in love-making ventures, snickering and bug-eyed.

#. INT. MALL – DAY

Sarah returns to the mall a second time, searching for the girls. She actually passes by Penny and Amanda but doesn’t recognize Penny! (Or maybe just sees their backs.)

#. INT. MALL

She spends one last night at Amanda’s, and the next morning quietly leaves to go find Mara. First she goes into her purse, looking to take some cash—but decides against it. She leaves Amanda a note, thanking her, etc, but also explaining why she is not meant to be the mother figure for her (and that she has come to have a sense of her own identity in the world).

#. INT. MALL

The girls reunite! Make a pact / bond / vow that from now on they will always be together.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY

Sarah meets Daphne. Asks about Penny & Mara, and Daphne gets simultaneously suspicious and emotional. Sarah tells her about ‘two girls all by themselves’ in the mall. Daphne is totally relieved.

#. INT. SARAH’S PLACE

Sarah’s now-off-fiancé comes back and promises her that he wants what she wants (a family). Sarah says but there’s something more important first, before we do it “the natural way”—I want to adopt.

#. INT. MALL

Penny & Mara’s last hurrah in the mall (The amusement park!). INTERCUTTING with investigators and mall personnel on the search / in pursuit. The girls are finally caught!

ACT 4

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – DAY

Daphne separates Penny and Mara as a punishment. [Maybe has a talking-to with each of the girls, threatening that this stunt has got them into a whole lot of trouble.] Mara buddies up with JESS, another orphan. Penny discovers that the Cook is no longer there.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE

A couple comes into the orphanage, meets with Daphne. They express a desire to adopt a girl. (Maybe they say they would even like two.) Their description of their desired kid(s) practically describes Mara and Penny completely. Daphne stiffens when the description conjures up Penny.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE

The couple meet Mara. Mara tentatively expresses a liking for them. Daphne arranges plans for the three of them to go out for their trial time together, and they leave.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE

Sarah and Fiancé have arrived at the orphanage and are next to see Daphne. They are told Mara is <s>going to be adopted by somebody else</s> out with the prospective parents and will be adopted (Or, “chances are good that the adoption will go through. Mara seems to like the couple very much.”). Sarah wavers on the prospect of adopting just one of them but needs to think about it. Daphne, in an indirect way, tries to dissuade Sarah from adopting Penny.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE / EXT. PARKING LOT

Sarah and fiancé leave but dally in the parking lot, wavering….

#. INT. ORPHANAGE

DAPHNE’S SECRETARY (or someone) inquires about Mara being adopted. Daphne’s secretary says it is not right that Penny and Mara are kept apart, especially if Mara is going to be adopted soon. That they belong together. Daphne reveals that she doesn’t—hasn’t—think that anyone is good enough to adopt Penny [ and that, whether anyone realizes it or not, for now at least, Penny is better off at the orphanage until the perfect parents come along ].

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE

Mara and the couple return. After some pleasantries, Daphne questions Mara about her feelings about the couple, etc (Mara mostly positive but a little hesitant / Woman and Mara hug affectionately).

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE

Daphne is ready to proceed with the next stage of adoption. The couple: “Are you sure? You seem a little hesitant, dear.” “It’s my friend….” Mara turns and sees Penny out in the hall looking in with wide eyes. Mara practically bursts with joy and runs out to Penny.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE – MAIN OFFICE / MAIN HALL

Penny reminds Mara of their pact. They grab each other and hold on tight. The couple waver, suddenly they can’t bear the girls being separated. Wonder out loud, maybe we could adopt both of them? Then Penny says, No—Sarah.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE

Penny is led out (she is on a ‘restriction’ / punishment), and after Mara indicates ‘she can’t’, the couple say maybe they need to think about it.

#. INT. ORPHANAGE

Penny spots Sarah and Fiancé, who have come back in! Runs to them—Don’t let Mara get adopted—we want to be with you! Sarah indicates to Penny that Mara has found another family, and Penny says you have to find her.

[Jane Turville]

Jane’s Reveals!

MY VISION: I will make my living as a screenwriter by selling my own narrative scripts and successfully fulfilling writing assignments.

By doing this assignment I learned so much more about my characters, particularly Percival. I also discovered a very fun and pertinent track for what Shady Acres actually is. I also discovered how these reveals help move the story forward.

Genre: Parody of Tea Cozy Murder Mystery

Title: NOT A CLUE!

Act 1 Reveals:

Set Up – June is introduced as a Beryl Markham-like heroine

Reveal – She must use a walker to get around and is almost an invalid.

Set Up – Percival arrives at Shady Acres for some rest after a trying case.

Reveal – He is there because of serious death threats and will be protected.

Act 1 Set Ups Paid Off in Other Acts:

Set Up – June is an excellent at darts.

Reveal – Act 4, June expertly throws the Beryl Markham book at Mattie and knocks her out.

Set Up – Percival writes notes in an IPad.

Reveal – Act 4, Percival is Aunt Lily!

Set Up – Shady Acres is willing to offer Percival protection.

Reveal – Act 3, Shady Acres is a home run by the mob for people they want to keep an eye on.

Set Up – Eloise is excited to start a betting pool for the challenge.

Reveal – Act 3, Eloise is addicted to gambling, owes the mob a ton of money, and is the mother of a gangster who is in jail and has asked her to hide his loot for him.

Set Up – The Countess von Vhat describes her stolen jewelry as priceless and a family heirloom.

Reveal – Act 2, The Countess is a kleptomaniac and ex-wife of one of the mob bosses. Her jewelry is all fake and is left around for her to steal so that she feels good.

Set Up – Frances tells June that Eloise is not the sweet dotty old lady that she appears to be.

Reveal – Act 3, Frances was blackmailing most of the residents.

Act 2 Reveals:

Set Up – Percival determines that Frances was poisoned.

Reveal – Markus the gardener has a greenhouse full of poison plants.

Set Up – Mattie indirectly directs June and Percival to the ice-house.

Reveal – One or both of them were meant to die there.

Set Up – Caught writing in his IPad, Percival quickly drops it into June’s knitting bag.

Reveal – Mattie believes that June is Aunt Lily.

Set Up – Candy is given to June supposedly from Percival as an apology.

Reveal – The candy is poisoned.

Act 2 Set Ups Paid Off in Other Acts:

Set Up – Mattie replace Frances; she is sweet and caring and very interested in each resident.

Reveal – Act 4, Mattie is a killer, hell bent on revenge.

Act 3 Reveals:

Set Up – Eloise was missing and is found.

Reveal – She was not kidnapped but took the opportunity of being out of Anne’s sight to hitch a ride on a motorcycle down to the nearest casino. That’s how she lost her shoes and scarf.

Set Up – Mattie trades stories with June about concocting poisons.

Reveal – Mattie is a disgraced chemistry professor who was fired when she mistook a fellow professor as Aunt Lily.

Set Up – Percival is convinced that the murder and attempted murders are linked to one of his cases.

Reveal – The whole thing is based on a response that Aunt Lily gave Mattie’s mother years ago.

Set Up – June tries to get Mattie to talk about her past; Mattie is vague.

Reveal – Mattie’s past reveals why she wants June dead and Percival to be locked up for her murder.

Set Up – June will pretend to be dead in order for the killer to be thrown a loop and be discovered.

Set Up – June dies using her own concoction.

Reveal – June’s “poison” was switched with something deadly. She really is dead!

Act 4 Set Ups Paid Off in Other Acts:

Set Up – June brings together Major Perkins, the Countess and Mary Riddle and blackmails them.

Reveal – All three are recruited to thwart any attempts the murder might make to switch poisons or hurt Percival.

Set Up – June is pronounced dead.

Reveal – June knew Mattie would try and switch poisons and switched them back.

Note: Because I am a bit behind in my homework, I haven’t added these reveals into the outline yet. Once I am caught up, I’ll go back and add them in.

[Linda Anderson]

Linda Anderson’s Reveals

Vision for your success from this program:

Audiences around the world view and love my meaningful screenplays—one of the most satisfying and energizing accomplishments of my life.

What I learned from doing this assignment is that I had a lot of reveals and setups strategically placed and added a few more.

Post: Not going to post a beat sheet. It’s too long and detailed for the forum—more like an outline. But I’m happy with how it’s shaping up.

Below is a current list of reveals and where they occur:

Title: Ticket to Live

Genre: Inspirational Family Film

1. Allen has recurring PTSD nightmares of his police experiences in Atlanta. (Opening)

2. 10 years later, living in Minneapolis, Allen and Linda do a radio interview that reveals they now write a series of books about the spiritual connections between people and animals. (Opening)

3. Still grieving the loss of their previous dog, Allen and Linda impulsively adopt an abandoned cocker spaniel from the animal shelter. (Inciting Incident)

4. Leaf, the emotionally damaged dog, turns their home into a war zone. (Act 1)

5. The vet diagnoses Leaf as fear-aggressive and puts a muzzle on him. (Act 1)

6. Leaf has his own PTSD dreams and severe separation anxiety. (Act 1)

7. Allen tells Linda he’s having dizzy spells and she convinces him to see a doctor. (Act 1)

8. Animal communicator says Leaf is confused. He’s saying, “I got left.” While they talk, Leaf’s body language shows he’s feeling shame. After the call, Leaf walks out of the room with his head down. (Act 1)

9. Doctor tells Allen he has an unruptured brain aneurysm that could cause a stroke any time.(Act 1, Turning Point 1)

10. Allen’s abusive career-military father had a stroke that left him disabled and incoherent, in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. The same thing happening to Allen is his greatest fear.(Act 1, Turning Point 1)

11. Allen creates “The Memo” (he calls it a “fact sheet”). He’s determined to keep Linda from worrying and God-forbid, crying. (Act 2)

12. The neurosurgeon prepares Allen for brain surgery. Tells him the scan he ordered reveals Allen also has a blood clot aimed at his heart and lungs and it could cut loose any time and kill him instantly. (Act 2)

13. When Allen and Linda come home from the doctor visit, he stays in the car alone and has a series of ultrarealistic flashbacks that reveal the sources of his PTSD. Like screens flashing in his mind, he recalls violent police incidents, e.g. a young guy dying in his arms after being randomly shot. Another scene shows his abusive father, when he’s a little boy, deriding him as a baby for crying when he got hurt. The flashbacks cause Allen to wonder if his life is worthy living. (Act 2)

14. With Leaf at his feet, Allen creates “The Manual” to show Linda how to do everything with bills, passwords, etc. if he can’t function after the surgery or dies. (Act 2)

15. In an act of trust, Leaf jumps up on the bed and kisses Linda for the first time. (Act 2)

16. Allen and his bf Bob have a shared dream about how painful the surgery to insert an IV filter into the vein to keep the blood clot from traveling will be. (Act 2)

17. Allen has dream he can’t get a ticket to The Building of Life and won’t survive.(Act 2, Midpoint Turning Point 2)

18. Leaf has reaction to Allen’s nightmare about not getting a ticket to The Building of Life by tearing up slivers of newspaper and trying to deliver them. (Act 2, Midpoint Turning Point 2)

19. Allen gets news on a call at work that his mentor, Bruce, has been shot and killed while in the line of duty. Bruce didn’t make it back home. Will Allen? (Act 2, Midpoint turning Point 2)

20. Allen does everything he can to stay in charge, keeps emotions to himself, be overly protective of those he loves, and prepare for death or disability. He doesn’t want Linda to worry and confiding his feelings means he’s admitting he can’t handle the crisis. (Act 2, Plan in Action)

21. Linda has fear of not being good enough so she overworks and tries to be perfect. Her greatest fear is losing Allen. They’re a team. (Act 3)

22. Allen sees Leaf healing. Takes cues from Leaf’s journey & coping strategies. Reaches out to ask family to come to Minneapolis for the surgery. (Act 3, Rethink Everything)

23. Allen diverts his attention from the brain surgery by taking beautiful photos and videos of Leaf at Mississippi River dog park. Posts them on social media. He’s surprised by the level of positive response. A Leaf fan base begins to form. (Act 3, New Plan)

24. In the waiting room’s fish tank, Allen is shocked to glimpse a quick flash of Leaf looking at him with a sliver of newspaper in his mouth. Seconds before Allen goes under, he sees in his mind’s eye, Leaf delivering his ticket to The Building of Life. He realizes the newspaper slivers Leaf tried to give him at home were his way of delivering the ticket after listening to Allen’s dream. Allen’s assured he’ll survive this. (Act 3, Turning Point 3)

25. Allen gets called in for an emergency removal of the IV filter. He calls Linda to tell her. She’s terrified he’ll drive himself to and from the hospital instead of calling a cab. On the way home while Allen has a meltdown, Leaf jumps in the front seat and pushes the button on the car CD to play the soothing song Allen sang to him and licks his neck all the way home. Allen admits to Linda that he’s afraid and needs her help. It’s a start. (Act 4, Turning Point 4)

26. Leaf gets sick and is diagnosed with pancreatitis. (Resolution)

27. Leaf shows empathy at the pet food store for a little boy whose dog recently died. Allen doesn’t need to remind him to be nice. (Resolution)

28. Allen and Linda take dance lessons. (Resolution)

29. Allen overcomes his strong need for privacy to write a memoir and reveal all he’s been through with Leaf and him healing each other.

30. On a radio interview, it’s revealed the memoir is a bestseller and helping other people with their traumas and challenges. (Resolution)

[Amechi Ngwe]

Amechi’s Reveals!

MY VISION


I am going to be in the top 1% of action/comedy writers in the industry who writes major action films.

What I learned from doing this lesson is I have most of this already and it was a good way to make sure I’m connecting the dots and setting things up properly.

[Kevin Patrick Goulet]

WIM Module 4, Lesson 6 – 8.11.22

Kevin’s Reveals! (…more to come- still working through them).

My vision: Develop a ‘career-making’ screenplay writing method.
What I learned: In doing this exercise, I also relied on 3×5 cards spread out on a table with the story beats… this allows me to better see how the story is taking shape.

Questions for this Lesson:

• What will you reveal? • When will the reveal show up in the story? • What setup needs to be in place to have the reveal work? • Where in the story does this setup belong?

FINDING DOCTOR FUNK

ACT 1

SETUP: (1932) Vince lying on living room rug; appropriate era music plays from the giant box radio in the corner of the room…

REVEAL: …He is all smiles- looking at newspaper comics; a paper bag of salty ‘peanuts’ half dumped out on the comics section, by his side.

SETUP: (1963) Between sets, Vince (dips his hand in a tray of salty peanuts) at the bar of the ‘Hungry I Jazz Club’. He (Gnaws on a few) quaffs a beer -and heads back to the piano, well aware of a corner table where loud talk and riotous laughter is growing from a ‘well-oiled’ party of six.

REVEAL: (still ’63) Vince -intolerant of rude patrons- stops mid-tune, grabs the ash tray off the top his piano and hurls it at the corner table. The ash tray shatters as does the glass on the wall behind them.

SETUP: (1932) Vince’s Father Vincent Dellaglio -drunk and disorderly- walks out on (abandons) Vince, his Mother Carmella.

REVEAL: (Following Father’s drunken-ness scene, Act 1) Vince’s Parents’ Divorce causes Vince/his Mother to be excommunicated from the Catholic Parish, Vince ejected from parish grade school.

SETUP: (1945) Vince plays piano at a friend’s High school birthday party…

REVEAL: …meets pretty, quiet & subdued Shirley Moskowitz, future girlfriend; eventual wife.

SETUP: (1946) Lincoln High School Talent Contest: Vince… almost sabotaged by another student… but WINS the Night!

REVEAL: The ‘winnings’ are an actual job in at a real Club in Yosemite during the Summer… before:

Vince gets written notice- he’s been drafted for military service in Korea, Sept., 1946.

Peeling potatoes…

SETUP: (1948) While entertaining the troops in the mess hall, one night an unexpected visitor… REVEAL: None other than GENERAL DOUGLAS MACARTHUR comes in to hear the music… tells Vince he needs to get home and become a professional musician…

ACT 2 SETUP: (1948): Vince Returns from the Korean War. Sees his Mom (single), Grandma struggling financially.

REVEAL: Vince gets job (San Francisco Chronicle Newspaper) as a Print Devil (Apprentice), nearly looses a finger while learning to service the giant basement printing press.

Vince meets San Francisco Chronicle’s renown Jazz expert Ralph Gleason – who helps bandage up Vince’s finger.

SETUP: (1952) Vince proposes to Shirley.

REVEAL: (1953) They marry…

…Vince Working… playing parties, Bat Mitzvahs, etc. but it is not nearly enough for him.

SETUP: Vince must find a way in to the Club scene: hangs out, studies… gets to sit-in one night when piano player no-shows.

REVEAL: Vince has been shadowing this club/trio for many nights in a row. He knows the trio’s set; can play everything they throw at him.

SETUP: Vince playing at Club- meets latin Jazz musician Cal Tjader after the Set. Cal- impressed with Vince’s piano playing.

REVEAL: Cal has an opening in his band -asks Vince to join.

Multitude of ‘on-the-road’ Club dates with Cal Tjader’s band

SETUP: (1954) Shirley informs Vince she is expecting…

REVEAL: (1955) Son David is born.

SETUP: Vince walks right into an office and meets local record label ‘Fantasy’ reps (bros.) Max & Soul Weiss.

REVEAL: VG signs with record Label FANTASY as a solo artist… but at first nothing happens- not even a recording.

SETUP: Soon Vince finds the need to form his own Trio and starts looking for ‘players’ to join him/help him create an original sound. REVEAL: tryouts for band mates are clunky.

SETUP: (1959) Shirley tells Vince they’re having another child…

REVEAL: (1960) Daughter Dia arrives.

SETUP: Vince is feeling pressure from Shirley Grandma Biddy; He must earn more income to keep his family fed roof over his head… pressure to give up this career?

REVEAL: Vince puts together his own gigs with Colin Bailey on drums, Monte Budwig on double bass, himself on piano. Things start to evolve, take shape, take off!

SETUP: Vince (1961) encounters Comedian DICK GREGORY and becomes willingly involved in the CIVIL RIGHTS Movement.

REVEAL: Together they march in the streets of S.F., protesting, holding signs. It gathered attention from local tv news. Risky?

SETUP: (1962) Vince records Album “Jazz Impressions of Black Orpheus”…

REVEAL: spawns first major hit ‘Cast Your Fate To The Wind’ for record ‘Fantasy’ record label.

SETUP: Vince changes lineup of his Trio. Now Fred Marshall is on double-bass, Jerry Granelli on drums) ; more original music.

REVEAL: Some bit odd fireworks as Guaraldi wants them to play arrangements in a very specific way.

SETUP: ‘Cast Your Fate To The Wind’ nominated for Grammy and WINS (May 1963).

REVEAL: Vince drives to L. A. from SF to attend For Grammy ceremony. HE IS NOT ALLOWED IN TO EVENT because he is not wearing a Tux (left it in the closet at home in SF.)

SETUP: (1963) Vince Meets Latin Guitarist BOLA SETE…

REVEAL: They record 3 albums together over next three years.

SETUP: Ralph Gleason hears about Guaraldi’s Trio and guest performer Bola Sete… sees them in a club one night….

REVEAL: …Gleason produces syndicated TV Special ‘JAZZ CASUAL’ featuring Vince, Bola Sete- and the rest of the Trio.

ACT 3 SETUP: Vince -after a set ends- at the bar. getting a drink…

REVEAL: …where a flirtatious Gretchen Katamay -seated at the end of a bar- begins a conversation with Vince. He is smitten.

SETUP: One day while driving the family car (a station wagon) Vince notices a black Porsche pull up to beside him at a traffic light…

[Vince’s success with ‘Cast Your Fate to The Wind’ creates the kind of financial windfall he’s never seen before…]

REVEAL: Vince and Vince Guaraldi Trio drummer Jerry Granelli racing through streets of San Francisco in PORSCHE 356C convertibles! (Vince’s car is black, Jerry’s- silver).

SETUP: On his way back from a meeting with cartoonist Charles Schulz, LEE MENDELSON hears “Cast Your Fate To The Wind” (taxi radio crossing Golden Gate Bridge) … He is captivated- must find/meet this pianist- offer him work on upcoming PEANUTS Animated television project. Cab driver knows just where to take Mendelson.

REVEAL: (simultaneous) Vince -playing ‘B’ side of Cast Your Fate To The Wind, “Samba De Orpheus” at S.F. area JAZZ Club, ‘The Hungry I’. Lee Mendelson walks in as the song really takes off…

SETUP: Vince meets CBS Brass, Animator BILL MELENDEZ.

SETUP: (1964) Vince is in his basement noodling on the piano doodling on.a notepad. Notes of Linus and Lucy are heard…

REVEAL: Vince Calls Lee Mendelson on telephone…. Wants to share song he’s come up with. Lee declines “not over the phone. I need to see/hear it in person.” Vinces presses,” No I have to play it for you- before I forget it!” This is the first time we hear LINUS AND LUCY first 2-3 lines of it anyway). [Lee’s reaction: he is thrilled/ knows this music is really something!].

SETUP: SCREENING of Animated TV SPECIAL ‘A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS’ – <font face=”inherit”>TIME MAGAZINE REPORTER </font>there to see the screening too.<font face=”inherit”> </font>

REVEAL: CBS not pleased with GUARALDI’S MUSIC for PEANUTS TV Special… “What is this (jazz)… it’s too slow! HOWEVER TIME MAG REPORTER writes a glowing review.

SETUP: Vince has been off the rails record company problems, indiscretions… Shirley files for Divorce.

REVEAL: Vince gets his shit together

ACT 4 SETUP: (1934) Vincent Dellaglio with son Vince (visitation) driving in a car to a nearby park. He parks the car and they remain seated in a car- where they watch grown men play bocce ball.

REVEAL: Hardly a word is spoken between them.

SETUP: Miles Davis in the Audience at a S.F. area club. REVEAL:He and Vince have a conversation about the state of the industry… Miles extends offer/wants Vince to join his band…Vince kindly declines.

SETUP: Vince is experimenting with new instruments new sounds

REVEAL: Puts out an album that doesn’t do well. He knows Jazz is dying; Rock and Roll is thriving.

SETUP: (1971) Shirley files for divorce again and this time…

REVEAL: … Vince and Shirley part ways… though their relationship actually improves over the next several years.

SETUP: Vince gets word his Father is in very poor health

REVEAL: (1970) Vincent Dellaglio Dies.

SETUP: (1976) Vince out to dinner with Lee Mendelson, others. Vince having heart burn, indigestion, mild chest pains… again. It is passed off as reaction to spice food.

REVEAL: (Feb. 3, 1976) Butterfield’s Jazz Club. Vince playing old favorites and covers of other current day artists. Last song of first set- The Beatles ‘Eleanor Rigby’.

SETUP: after end of the set, Vince is over at the adjacent RED COTTAGE INN with his bandmates. He crosses the room and collapses.

REVEAL: Word of Vince’s fatal heart attack spreads. We see various faces reactions from those who knew him best. Phone calls at first, then a television news story/broadcast.

SETUP: (2024) Current day :: Jazz musicians WYNTON MARSALIS, GEORGE WINSTON, DAVID BENOIT arrive at a venue…

REVEAL: the three of them recording a new album of Vince’s music. In this closing clip -each playing a portion of Vince Guaraldi’s Jazz Standard, ‘Linus and Lucy’.

TITLE CARD: Because of the combination that occurred with Guaraldi’s music within the 1960’s PEANUTS cartoon- countless small children were surreptitiously introduced to jazz and completely captivated by Guaraldi’s music and became professional musicians because of it all.

THE END.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Kevin Patrick Goulet.

[Linda Kish]

Linda’s Reveals!

My Vision is: I will do whatever it takes to be a sought-after profound writer with many successful movies produced and an Oscar on my mantel.

What I learned doing this assignment is I had a lot of reveals already built in and thought I wouldn’t get a lot out of this assignment, but found several really great reveals that are making the story stronger.

Act 1: Joaquin is summoned to cartel HQ and subject to anonymous threats against him and his family.

Joaquin PJ 1: Joaquin is working in a drug factory and underhandedly puts the nasty leader in his place / uses something he does against him / audience knows what he did, but characters don’t. Dante comes for him and his family – summoned by the drug lord to cartel headquarters.

Dante RJ 1: A friend of Joaquin’s warns him that going with Dante means death. Dante executes the friend.

Dante RJ 2: At Joaquin’s rundown home. Dante is taken aback by Isabel’s beauty (Joaquin’s daughter) and Joaquin makes her cover up.

Deeper Layer: Dante is the heir apparent to be drug lord and red herring to who is terrorizing Joaquin’s family.

Dante RJ 3: Tomas (Joaquin’s son) is taking target practice when they arrive to get him. Dante watches him shoot, he repeatedly hits the target.

Deeper Layer: Tomas will defy his father and seek to join the cartel.

Joaquin PJ 2: Camila, Joaquin’s wife is fearful. Joaquin warns his children to do what he taught them, keep their heads down. Has Tomas memorize the number of a distant cousin across the border and to call him if anything happens to Joaquin. Indicates to Tomas that he will sacrifice himself if need be.

Deeper Layer: Joaquin will need the help of the distant cousin.

Arturo AJ 1: Arturo greets them at HQ. Intrigue between him and Camila – they have a history. Doesn’t like how she looks at her husband with love, admiration and fear for him. Arturo catches Dante unable to keep his eyes off Isabel. Remarks that she looks just like Camila did at her age – hard for a man to walk away from that. Remarks that he hears Tomas is ambitious and wants to prove himself to the cartel.

Deeper Layer: Arturo is in love with Camila. They dated until he started rising in the cartel and showed his true colors. Arturo blames Joaquin and believes he can win back Camila if he proves Joaquin is no better than him.

Joaquin PJ 3: Dante escorts them to their accommodations. On the wall, “you won’t be protected forever, Joaquin.” Dante promises he’ll find out who did it.

Inciting Incident: Rodrigo, the drug lord, announces he is dying and there is a competition for his succession starting at sun up. As closest he has to family, he wanted Rodrigo there with him as he dies, but also made a promise to Joaquin’s father – who was Rodrigo’s bodyguard for years and died protecting him – that he’d protect him. No longer possible from the grave, but brought him here to introduce him to competitors so he can secure a good position in the new organization.

Deeper Layer: Joaquin is going to compete.

Joaquin PJ 4: In front of Arturo, Rodrigo puts Joaquin down for not being strong enough to lead, he had hoped he could be his successor, but not possible, not ruthless. Rodrigo plays a recorded newscast – Maritza Montoya, director of border patrol, reporting they killed Rodrigo’s son, his only family, a drug smuggler, and confiscating the biggest shipment of drugs into the US. That got Maritza promoted from working the border to director. Rodrigo got revenge – he ordered hit on her son and Arturo killed him (this is why Rodrigo lets him get away with violating cartel rules during his hallucination’s). That’s what this job takes to protect the cartel. Joaquin takes the criticism on the chin. Learns something about his competitors.

Arturo AJ 3: Arturo prods Joaquin to get mad at Rodrigo and enter the competition to show him what he can do. Joaquin is smart in how he answers/doesn’t answer. Tomas comes along and Arturo flips out, has a hallucination and almost kills him.

Deeper Layer: Arturo is going to do everything he can to get Joaquin to enter the competition. Only way Joaquin can protect himself and his family is if he wins the competition and becomes drug lord.

Arturo AJ 4: Uses the underground tunnels to get in the residence to watch Camila without her seeing him.

Joaquin PJ 5: Kids tell Joaquin Camila saw a figure in the house while she was taking a bath. Joaquin sets a trap in the tunnel – nails into the stairs/railing. While down there he hears Dante and has to hide, finds C4.

Joaquin PJ 6: An old friend tells Joaquin they are all in trouble – Dante will likely win and he is brutal; Luis, his brother will rape every woman in the community; Arturo is a wild card and they’d always have to be on-guard b/c of his hallucinations. Begs him to talk to Rodrigo and get him to appoint a less threatening drug lord.

Dante RJ 4: Joaquin stumbles into a conversation between Dante and Tomas about joining the cartel. Joaquin tells Tomas he’s been working on a plan to get him into college in the US. Tomas doesn’t want to go, get into a fight and he lashes out at his dad – how can he expect Tomas to leave when he never left himself.

Arturo AJ 5: An anonymous letter is delivered to Isabel telling her when he wins, he’ll take her as his wife. Arturo is out of town and it sounds like Dante wrote the letter.

Deeper Layer: Arturo is luring Joaquin into the competition by making him fearful of Dante, while also avoiding Camila knowing that he is the one terrorizing her family.

Joaquin P6: Joaquin sits with Rodrigo has he rehashes his life with Joaquin’s father. Joaquin seeks information about the point system and competitors but is antsy to leave.

Competing cartel drug lab blown up.

TP 1: Joaquin enters the competition to become the next drug lord. He shows Rodrigo proof he blew up the lab and has entered the competition. Rodrigo declares it a death sentence.

ACT 2: Joaquin struggles with his morals as he tries to navigate the competition without crossing lines he can’t live with.

Dante RJ 5: Dante kills two of the biggest local threats to their drug trade – hangs their bodies, generating the first big points of the competition.

Joaquin PJ 7: Camila begs Joaquin to back out of the competition – he can’t win because he won’t compromise his morals.

Arturo AJ 6: In the cantina, Dante stops talking as Joaquin walks by. Arturo taunts Joaquin by questioning what Dante is hiding, mentioning his interest in Isabel. Warns him that if anyone else wants to win, they will have to kill Dante.

Arturo AJ 7: Arturo has a hallucination and wrecks havoc among the community. Joaquin stops him, but in the process almost gets himself killed.

Deeper Level: Joaquin is going to make Arturo think his hallucinations are getting worse and he’s losing it.

Joaquin tells his “friend” he’d rather Dante win than Arturo and his best move would be to bribe the other competitors to join his team rather than compete against him. Swears him to secrecy about what he said.

Dante RJ 6: The “friend” betrays his confidence and tells Dante who convinces competitors to drop out and he’ll give them promotions in his organization when he takes over. Going to increase drug production in his facilities to gain more points.

Joaquin PJ 9: Rodrigo summons Joaquin. Is pissed more of his crew aren’t racking up points – for his infamy they all need to participate. Wants to know if Joaquin knows why, which he does, but he doesn’t want to tell Rodrigo b/c it helps him limit the number of competitors.

Arturo AJ 8: Camila asks Arturo about Dante, is afraid for her daughter. Arturo feeds into her fear – he takes what he wants and no one will stop him.

Joaquin catches Camila and Arturo close together. She reveals their prior relationship.

Dante RJ 7 and Arturo AJ 8: The big board of points is updated and Dante and Arturo are way ahead of Joaquin.

Arturo AJ 10: Arturo conspires with one of his men to force Joaquin to cross his moral boundaries.

Mid-Point: Joaquin is backed into a corner and must kill or be killed. He makes his first kill and more points.

ACT 3: Joaquin battles to win points.

Arturo AJ 11: Arturo makes sure Camila knows Joaquin committed murder. Hash out their relationship. He tries to convince her Joaquin is no different than him.

Joaquin PJ 11: Arturo tells Joaquin he overheard Dante talking about Isabel. Joaquin follows his daughter to a party to protect her, sees Luis hitting on her. Gets her out of the situation.

Joaquin PJ 12: Joaquin follows Luis, finds he is in bed with the neighboring cartel. Kills him and other cartel members. Earning significant points and seemingly making him a bigger target of Dante’s.

Deeper Layer: Dante hated his brother.

Dante corners Joaquin on his way to Rodrigo. Questions his motives. Offers Joaquin a position in his organization if he drops out.

Rodrigo is confined to bed, going downhill. News of the competition and his infamy is spreading. Maritza speaks of it, says he is a coward for wanting to take people to the grave with him just so they’ll talk about him. She refuses to speak his name, which pisses him off. Throws his plate at the TV shattering it. Joaquin attempts to clean up the plate, but he orders his nurse to do it. Lectures Joaquin that to be a leader in the cartel you must demand respect from everyone else.

Dante RJ 8 & Arturo AJ 9: Stakes are raised as Joaquin is a serious threat to win. They take more brutal actions regaining the lead.

Joaquin makes Dante think he has accepted the offer and shares his concern that Arturo may win and alludes to the fact that he intends to kill Dante.

Joaquin makes Arturo think Dante is going to immediately kill him if he wins.

Joaquin PJ 13: Tells his family he knows what he needs to do to win but has to leave town to execute it. Tells Tomas his father wanted him to leave the cartel, but he was too scared, they fought about it the day his father was killed. It was his fault his father was distracted. Tomas is right, he’s always been too afraid, but he’s not anymore, he’s fighting to get his family out.

Joaquin PJ 14: Distant cousin arranged help for him to get across the border.

Joaquin PJ 15: Joaquin crosses paths with smugglers and gets caught in the chase through an underground tunnel. Firing at him.

Joaquin PJ 16: Distant cousin calls to say Joaquin never made it to his house. She didn’t know he was going to US. Tries to reach him, but no answer.

Joaquin comes face to face with one of smugglers and realize they are same cartel. Join together. Joaquin realizes he lost his phone. Tries to call wife on other guys phone, but no signal – can use it when they get out of the tunnel.

Arturo AJ 12: Arturo conspiring with his team to find and kill Joaquin. Camila comes into the scene, sees his hands are bloody and realizes it’s been him all along.

Arturo AJ 13: Camila warns kids to be careful of Arturo and to keep their ears open like their father always taught them. Tomas wants to kill him. Camila says she’ll take care of it and not to worry.

Joaquin PJ 17: Rodrigo announces he’s cutting competition short: 24 hours he will announce the winner. Arturo is winning.

Joaquin and smugglers come out of the tunnel and run right into border patrol. Run.

ACT 4: The final showdown and announcement of the new drug lord

Joaquin PJ 18: Camila tries desperately to get in touch with Joaquin, but no response. Inquiring of others – tells them he went to US – no one has heard from him.

Arturo AJ 13: Camila makes a deal with the devil and sleeps with Arturo to save her husband from his wrath.

Dante RJ 9: Dante surges ahead of Arturo.

Joaquin is in a migrant detention center. Director of border patrol enters.

Arturo AJ 12: In one of his “hallucinations,” Arturo kills Dante in a safe zone.

Arturo AJ 13: Camila stumbles upon the aftermath of Arturo killing Dante. Arturo is a mess, doesn’t know what’s real and what’s not anymore.

Deeper Layer Reveal: Camila realizes Joaquin set Arturo up to believe his hallucinations were getting worse.

Joaquin is escorted out of the migrant detention center.

Arturo AJ 14: Arturo tells Camila he’s learned that Joaquin is dead and he is there to comfort her. She doesn’t know what to believe, but if he’s dead, she believes Arturo killed him. Arturo insists Dante did it and promises to take care of her and her children.

Joaquin PJ 20: Camila leaves Joaquin a message. We need you.

Joaquin P 21: Rodrigo is about to announce the winner is Arturo when Joaquin bursts in. You’re going to want to reconsider your decision – he shows Rodrigo a photo of the US director of border patrol dead. Pride on Rodrigo’s face but asks his team for confirmation.

Joaquin PJ 22 and Arturo 15: As team confirms US news report that the woman is dead and Joaquin left a note that he killed her in honor of Rodrigo, Joaquin tells Arturo he knows he’s been stalking his family. Arturo tells him Camila came to him, slept with him, has always loved him and how will she see Joaquin if he kills him? Joaquin makes eye contact with his wife, a knife in his heart.

Joaquin PJ 23: Rodrigo hands Joaquin a gun and for his last order, he orders him to kill him. Joaquin orders all the women and children out so they don’t have to see it. He kills them, then fires at other leading competitors, including Arturo who goes down.

Joaquin PJ 24: Orders everyone else out. A woman walks in from the back with a hood, leans down to Arturo and drops her hood. Stands up and says to Joaquin: “What’s our next move?”

Deeper Layer Reveal: Joaquin has outwitted the cartel and still maintains some of his morals.

[Edward Brown]

Edward Brown

ponderr play with options, write sell rejoice sailing

I learned my script is really pilot for seriers. So to make it a cliff hanger at end, it set up what wanted at end for dangers open loops and then set it up earlier

It is on my board for me to visualize

But some:

Putin wants hypsonic, keeps secret from drag reducer researcher, Victor, protagonist’s dad

thus Putin is concerned American George is in romantic negiations the protagonist Tanya

kiosh waitress is FSB observer

Ivan, protagonists ex, is jealous his sex wife is serious about prospect George. Especially since Tanya is meeting face to pretty face in Red Square

so he starts training with saber

CREATOR believes in evolutions and natural selection picking winners and losers and only occasionally intervenes. But after what he saw Green planet, Creator joins total opposites organized in box proffsor Tanya with Detroit slop roofer Geroge as an experiement to discover dinmaics of making lovenot war or repeat of Red Mars extinction

So rather than let it play, Creator intevenes

it goes on

[Jacqueline Murphy]

JACQUELINE MURPHY Reveals! MOD 4 Les 6 August 17, 2022

VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.

What I learned from doing this assignment that the outline and previous char profiles helped the logic of the story and the set ups make the reveal more satisfy and the story more intriguing, dramatic and compelling.

1. State-To-Activity empowerment process. State: I am great at…Activity: …discovering cool reveals!

2. Pull out the current version of your outline and the answers from the lessons listed here.

Question 1: What will you reveal?

REVEAL Olivia’s hidden genetic talent for magic and time travel.

Mr Z’s ability to time travel Olivia in Act 1, Act 2 & 3-his falling in love-weakens his power

Act 1,2, 3,the time constraint on him to “steal” Olivia’s power and the kaleidoscope upon the death of her mom as the portal only stays open for so long.

Act 3-His banishment from the OHD and why, Act 1-disguise he takes on to get back in, Act 4-who he really is to Olivia. Act 2-4 What weakens or strengthens his power.

ACT 1-4 Angelica’s true identity as angel and sibling from OHD, transgender nature and secret romantic love for Olivia

ACT 2-4 Wanda is a sibling as well and they all have incredible powers but only one can rule.

Olivia’s love of family and kindness to sacrifice and to back to help Norma is a grounding balance that a true ruler has.

ACT 4 Olivia’s true father and the reappearance of her mom and who she is.

ACT 1

Olivia triggered with the death of her mom and failing as an actress makes the deal w. Z to go to the OHD and be a star but at a cost of never returning, trading the family kaleidoscope and leaving her 20-year-old niece Norma and Angelica her BBF and “angel” behind.

SET UP: Olivia’s mom is dying and passes on to her a family heirloom belonging to her father she never knew.

REVEAL: Mr. Z wants the kaleidoscope and Olivia’s so he can be the OHD Ruler.

SET UP: Mr. Z seduces Olivia that he can give her the dream of being a Movie Star if she trades the kaleidoscope and sells her soul never to return to the real world.

REVEAL in ACT 2 : Z is falling for Olivia and his power weakens when he loves another

SET UP ACT 1: Z causes Olivia to mistrust her BBF Angelica and leave her behind.

REVEAL: Z&A are rivals from the OHD with different agendas for control over Olivia.

SET UP ACT 1: Angelica wants to keep O in the “real world” to protect her

ACT 2

Olivia enjoys her fame but is hurtled into the dangerous Old Hollywood Dimension, a fish out of water. Olivia uses her “acting abilities” to “play” along and her seductive empathic nature to keep opportunities coming her way and figure the OHD out.

SET UP: Z makes sure Olivia is ‘enjoying her fame” but keeps her off balance by creating havoc with the Mafia club owner Davey wanting her and leveraging her old boyfriends Billy’s gambling, Studio Head giving parts to Starlet and throwing her into an affair with Oscar-winning Taylor Desmond.

REVEAL: Keeping Olivia busy Z can become more powerful from her “aura” needing her to be in the OHD. He enjoys being a puppeteer of her and others. If he controls O he can try to love her without losing his power but it’s just the opposite

SET UP ACT 2: Olivia meets Wanda Fish a mentor and head of the Witches Coven who lures her with “hints” that Olivia’s father is the creator of the OH Dimension. Wanda promises to teach her magic so she can be “in control” and tells Olivia she is the true Ascender to the OHD throne and that is her true purpose.

REVEAL ACT 3: Searching for mastery over OHD, Olivia plays with “magic”, the longer she’s in the OHD the stronger it gets.

SET UP ACT 2: Angelica tells Olivia, her niece Norma is in trouble with drugs causing Olivia to want to go back and help Norma.

REVEAL in Act 3: Angelica secretly in love with Olivia and hides that she’s transgender & an angel

SET UP ACT 2: Angelica appeals to Wanda to let Olivia stay in the real world

REVEAL: Angelica and Wanda vie to control Olivia and want Olivia’s power and love.

REVEAL Act 4: They all have the same father, magical super powers and are related.

ACT 2:

SET UP: O insists Z help her to go back to the “real world” to save her niece Norma who has a drug problem but he refuses: “You made your deal”

REVEAL: Olivia’s RAGE magnifies her magical power and she time travels herself back to the real world to help Norma.

ACT 3:
SET UP: Z manipulates Olivia by tempting Norma with stardom, she bites and he takes Norma through the portal back to the OHD so he can lure Olivia back there to steal Olivia’s power.

REVEAL: Olivia follows but Angelica comes to help her revealing that she is Olivia’s assigned “angel” and the OHD does indeed have magical power for them.

SET UP: Z sets up Norma to have immediate stardom and an Oscar nom along with dating WR Cox OHD powerful newspaper magnate and producer. Z offers O an Oscar win if she come back to OHD and romances her to “rule the realm together’. She falls for it until Wanda interferes.

REVEAL ACT 3: O goes to help Norma but really wants stardom. Norma’s dissing her causes O to seek out Wanda to tap into her magic and find her real father. Wanda demands: Take the throne, you are “THE ONE TO RULE” not Z he’s been banished from ruling because he’s evil! O realizes Z is using her, wants her power and has none himself as she sees he is weaking in controlling things and slipping up.

REVEAL ACT 3: Searching for mastery over OHD, Olivia plays with “magic”, the longer she’s in the OHD the stronger it gets.

REVEAL in Act 3: Angelica secretly in love with Olivia and hides that she’s transgender & an angel but Angelica is in the OHD to long her true authentic self will be revealed and she’ll have to “come out”.

ACT 4

SET UP: Unhappy with Norma, the OHD and demands of the coven, Olivia goes to the cemetery during a storm searching for answers and solace. A tree is hit by a lightning bolt, smokes and her father appears telling her of the spell he is under begging her to release him and save the OHD he created.

REVEAL: Olivia is capable of ruling the OHD, her loving heart and balance save her.

SET UP: Z claims the throne and challenges O to a magic duel for it. O accepts and the thunderstorm turns into an electrical spectacular igniting and magnifies her power which diminishes Z. O’s rage at him erupts.

REVEAL: O grabs the kaleidoscope from Z’s neck and this releases her father and her mom appears. O is the true ruler

REVEAL: The storm releases O’s father from the spell and her mom appears as the GOLDEN ONE both proclaim Olivia is the true ruler of the throne and that Z, A, Wanda and O are siblings but only Olivia has the 100% dominant gene to rule because of her inherent BALANCE and Love- are that’s more important than evil and good. There is a middle to be learned for sure.

[Jacqueline Murphy]

JACQUELINE MURPHY Reveals! MOD 4 Les 6 August 17, 2022

VISION: To empower myself to go for my dreams to be a great writer, actress and filmmaker who is “Admired”, recognized and sought after by the industry and has many successful TV & Film projects produced that make a difference and inspire others to go for their dreams.

What I learned from doing this assignment that the outline and previous char profiles helped the logic of the story and the set ups make the reveal more satisfy and the story more intriguing, dramatic and compelling.

1. State-To-Activity empowerment process. State: I am great at…Activity: …discovering cool reveals!

2. Pull out the current version of your outline and the answers from the lessons listed here.

Question 1: What will you reveal?

REVEAL Olivia’s hidden genetic talent for magic and time travel.

Mr Z’s ability to time travel Olivia in Act 1, Act 2 & 3-his falling in love-weakens his power

Act 1,2, 3,the time constraint on him to “steal” Olivia’s power and the kaleidoscope upon the death of her mom as the portal only stays open for so long.

Act 3-His banishment from the OHD and why, Act 1-disguise he takes on to get back in, Act 4-who he really is to Olivia. Act 2-4 What weakens or strengthens his power.

ACT 1-4 Angelica’s true identity as angel and sibling from OHD, transgender nature and secret romantic love for Olivia

ACT 2-4 Wanda is a sibling as well and they all have incredible powers but only one can rule.

Olivia’s love of family and kindness to sacrifice and to back to help Norma is a grounding balance that a true ruler has.

ACT 4 Olivia’s true father and the reappearance of her mom and who she is.

ACT 1

Olivia triggered with the death of her mom and failing as an actress makes the deal w. Z to go to the OHD and be a star but at a cost of never returning, trading the family kaleidoscope and leaving her 20-year-old niece Norma and Angelica her BBF and “angel” behind.

SET UP: Olivia’s mom is dying and passes on to her a family heirloom belonging to her father she never knew.

REVEAL: Mr. Z wants the kaleidoscope and Olivia’s so he can be the OHD Ruler.

SET UP: Mr. Z seduces Olivia that he can give her the dream of being a Movie Star if she trades the kaleidoscope and sells her soul never to return to the real world.

REVEAL in ACT 2 : Z is falling for Olivia and his power weakens when he loves another

SET UP ACT 1: Z causes Olivia to mistrust her BBF Angelica and leave her behind.

REVEAL: Z&A are rivals from the OHD with different agendas for control over Olivia.

SET UP ACT 1: Angelica wants to keep O in the “real world” to protect her

ACT 2

Olivia enjoys her fame but is hurtled into the dangerous Old Hollywood Dimension, a fish out of water. Olivia uses her “acting abilities” to “play” along and her seductive empathic nature to keep opportunities coming her way and figure the OHD out.

SET UP: Z makes sure Olivia is ‘enjoying her fame” but keeps her off balance by creating havoc with the Mafia club owner Davey wanting her and leveraging her old boyfriends Billy’s gambling, Studio Head giving parts to Starlet and throwing her into an affair with Oscar-winning Taylor Desmond.

REVEAL: Keeping Olivia busy Z can become more powerful from her “aura” needing her to be in the OHD. He enjoys being a puppeteer of her and others. If he controls O he can try to love her without losing his power but it’s just the opposite

SET UP ACT 2: Olivia meets Wanda Fish a mentor and head of the Witches Coven who lures her with “hints” that Olivia’s father is the creator of the OH Dimension. Wanda promises to teach her magic so she can be “in control” and tells Olivia she is the true Ascender to the OHD throne and that is her true purpose.

REVEAL ACT 3: Searching for mastery over OHD, Olivia plays with “magic”, the longer she’s in the OHD the stronger it gets.

SET UP ACT 2: Angelica tells Olivia, her niece Norma is in trouble with drugs causing Olivia to want to go back and help Norma.

REVEAL in Act 3: Angelica secretly in love with Olivia and hides that she’s transgender & an angel

SET UP ACT 2: Angelica appeals to Wanda to let Olivia stay in the real world

REVEAL: Angelica and Wanda vie to control Olivia and want Olivia’s power and love.

REVEAL Act 4: They all have the same father, magical super powers and are related.

SET UP: O insists Z help her to go back to the “real world” to save her niece Norma who has a drug problem but he refuses: “You made your deal”

REVEAL: Olivia’s RAGE magnifies her magical power and she time travels herself back to the real world to help Norma.

ACT 3:
SET UP: Z manipulates Olivia by tempting Norma with stardom, she bites and he takes Norma through the portal back to the OHD so he can lure Olivia back there to steal Olivia’s power.

REVEAL: Olivia follows but Angelica comes to help her revealing that she is Olivia’s assigned “angel” and the OHD does indeed have magical power for them.

SET UP: Z sets up Norma to have immediate stardom and an Oscar nom along with dating WR Cox OHD powerful newspaper magnate and producer. Z offers O an Oscar win if she come back to OHD and romances her to “rule the realm together’. She falls for it until Wanda interferes.

REVEAL ACT 3: O goes to help Norma but really wants stardom. Norma’s dissing her causes O to seek out Wanda to tap into her magic and find her real father. Wanda demands: Take the throne, you are “THE ONE TO RULE” not Z he’s been banished from ruling because he’s evil! O realizes Z is using her, wants her power and has none himself as she sees he is weaking in controlling things and slipping up.

REVEAL ACT 3: Searching for mastery over OHD, Olivia plays with “magic”, the longer she’s in the OHD the stronger it gets.

REVEAL in Act 3: Angelica secretly in love with Olivia and hides that she’s transgender & an angel but Angelica is in the OHD to long her true authentic self will be revealed and she’ll have to “come out”.

ACT 4

SET UP: Unhappy with Norma, the OHD and demands of the coven, Olivia goes to the cemetery during a storm searching for answers and solace. A tree is hit by a lightning bolt, smokes and her father appears telling her of the spell he is under begging her to release him and save the OHD he created.

REVEAL: Olivia is capable of ruling the OHD, her loving heart and balance save her.

SET UP: Z claims the throne and challenges O to a magic duel for it. O accepts and the thunderstorm turns into an electrical spectacular igniting and magnifies her power which diminishes Z. O’s rage at him erupts.

REVEAL: O grabs the kaleidoscope from Z’s neck and this releases her father and her mom appears. O is the true ruler

REVEAL: The storm releases O’s father from the spell and her mom appears as the GOLDEN ONE both proclaim Olivia is the true ruler of the throne and that Z, A, Wanda and O are siblings but only Olivia has the 100% dominant gene to rule because of her inherent BALANCE and Love- are that’s more important than evil and good. There is a middle to be learned for sure.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Jacqueline Murphy.

[Valeriya Ordinartseva]

Valeriya’s Reveals!

My Vision: I am a masterful, ahead-of-the-game, and outside-the-box writer full of ideas and creative energy. My writing is fresh, impactful, iconic, beautiful, and effortless. My projects deliver outstanding commercial and artistic success. I am on the leading edge. I create a lot, it’s fun, quick, and easy. My whole life is that way.

I am great at discovering cool reveals!

What I learned from doing this assignment is…

– Isolating the task really helps.

– I don’t need to have it all figured out until the final draft.

7RDRD4: Robots became too human and people start dehumanization program to get rid of them. Can a girl brought up by a robot prove that she isn’t one before she and her robot get killed?

Act 1 – Rules and relationships

Opening

(AJ: Beginning: Benedict is sent out into the world and is mistreated by people.)

Lo is in a queue, a robot asks her how many lives she has left (hoping it won’t be too messy). That’s where Lo starts thinking about her life. Says her life doesn’t matter anyway.

Some people cry.

__________

PJ: Inciting Incident: 7 kills the inventor. A robot kills a person putting the existence of all human-like robots in danger. 7 refuses to take orders then changes its mind.

__________

7 frees the birds and picks up the phone. Robot hunt begins. The police and then a gang is after 7. Benedict gets an idea to use 7 to start the dehumanization project. 7 surprises the boys with its unrobot-like behavior.

__________

Inciting Incident

PJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Beginning: Throwing itself away, the robot finds a baby girl in the waste. Benedict and his gang chase 7 for being superior to humans. 7 risks its life to come back for the baby when it has a chance to run. Benedict lets 7 go when he has a chance to kill it.

__________

Genre: PJ: Act 2: AJ: Inciting Incident: It brings up the human child, hiding and protecting it from the cruel society that let the child down. Loses its wings. 7 finds more and more clever ways to hide and smart ways to protect them.

An evasive flying robot kills people who served the rise of AI. He seizes an opportunity to take control of growing hatred in an underhanded way to turn it against people. A new voice for peace appears in the media. People disappear. 7 assumes someone’e ID. Breaks the law to hide the baby. Lo tries to be like other kids at school.

7 teaches Lo about algorithm and inspiration

__________

People invite robots to come for recycling if they want to be of service. People disappear and our robot uses their IDs.

Benedict organizes a search for killerbot and missing persons.

7 loses one redundancy system and explains Lo he had only four. Troubleshooting session.

__________

Lo catches the drones.

Deeper Layer: Thinking for oneself is frowned upon.

Turning Point

Genre: People decide to get rid of human robots altogether. Benedict leads the way in an eco-friendly fashion (voluntary).

Deeper Layer: What’s going on is dehumanization of people, not robots. People volunteer to recycle their friends.

Lo wants to be normal. 7 teaches her that she is a perfect human being already. She tells 7 it would be better if it got recycled because it’s useless.

7 teaches her about how sometimes the wrong thing is the right thing to do

Usefulness of robots becomes the main point in the discussion of the value of their life

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

__________

The robot who saved the baby gets an invitation to the humanity test.

__________

An argument, Lo leaves to go on a date

The teen girl steals the invitation to pass the test instead of her robot.

PJ: Inciting Incident: Her robot gets recycling invitation and she goes to pass the test instead of it.

Deeper Layer: People are asked to betray their robots and out of fear they do exactly that

7 teaches Lo that life is not about serving and being useful but about creation and taking pleasure in life

__________

Benedict advocates for fair trial for all and seizes an opportunity to make the laws for people stricter. The girl fails, she is recognized to be a robot and is sent to recycling. Turns on people who betray her once again.

Robots get mutilated by people

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

______________________________

Act 2 – Real life (being normal doesn’t cut it)

New plan

7 runs to the boyfriend to ask him for help. Lo appeals to court and fails. Her boyfriend betrays her.

Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A girl and her robot try to survive the recycling program.

__________

PJ: Turning Point 1: Her test shows she is a robot and she is sent to recycling. She gives up.

__________

PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: The girl is about to be killed because of 7. 7 finds the way into recycling facility.

Genre: Deeper Layer: There are traces of murders in the recycling facility. Someone was killed there.

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

Benedict tells a story of a murder attempt by a flying robot.

__________

Plan in action

AJ: Turning Point 1: PJ: Act 2: PJ: Act 3: The robot saves the girl and others. She decides to fight for her only friend. They escape from recycling and dehumanization program. (F11, Belle, Copper)

They hide. Their relationship get deeper.

__________

Midpoint Turning Point

F11 reveals where they are.

TPJ: Turning Point 3: They get caught.

Adversity that will help Lo in the game.

The robot with the wings is after them.

__________

Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Lo starts robot and human unrest. Stands up for all of them, for alternative thinking. Catches a drone. 7 learns from Lo to be human.

Some people join.

AJ: Act 2: He attempts to stop the riot. Suggests very convincing plan.

______________________________

Act 3 – Survival game

Rethink everything

Deeper Layer: The voice of reason gets turned inside out (as if he protects robots)

AJ Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Suggests a fair play as a solution. For the sake of fairness and entertainment, people offer the robots to play a humanity game, in which those who fail get destroyed. At the same time this game must change the reality of people, giving them the rules to live by.

Benedict’s competitor nurse dies after suggesting an extreme measure of dealing with robots.

Deeper Layer: Influences Surface Story: The debate gets more and more heated. People choose a cruel game to sort people and robots.

__________

New plan

PJ: Act 3: Lo leads the robots through the traps, to save her robot. Robots and people help each other to go through trials.

Genre: The tasks, puzzles and traps are created in a way nobody can survive. Lo comes up with original solutions thanks to her other experiences.

Benedict sets robots up to show how dangerous they are.

They destroy the drones that are watching them.

7 Looks for who is behind all this. 7 loses a redundancy and hides it from Lo.

Every stage they go through she can figure out because of her creativity and what 7 taught her in other situations. Every test she was preparing for in the situations she didn’t like.

__________

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

AJ: Act 3: PJ: Turning Point 3: A mysterious flying robot kills those who found the solutions for everyone in previous rounds.

Deeper Layer: Someone kills robots without following any procedures (human red herring?)

______________________________

Act 4 – The truth

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

Genre: The girl figures out what’s going on but her discovery leads them into a trap. Now she has to die, and she is ready to die to save the rest of them.

__________

AJ: Turning Point 3: PJ: Act 4 Climax: PJ: Act 4 Climax: Lo and 7 find who it is. Our robot fights the mysterious one. Turns out the politician running the dehumanization program is a robot.

Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: A robot exploits the society’s hatred and fear to gain control over them.

__________

Resolution

Lo thinks there is another redundancy left in 7, but it’s the last one. 7 sacrifices itself to give life to Lo.

Both robots die. The girl lives to build a world where humanity comes first for every creation.

PJ: Resolution: 7 dies but his human-creation lives to see the new world.

Her phone attached to the drone recorded everything.

__________

PJ: Resolution: Lo shows the world what’s going on with it.

Deeper Layer: Just being herself saves Lo so she can save everyone. Being who you are and that means being whoever you want to be.

Deeper Layer: People were betraying themselves all along. They were fooled by a robot.

______________________________

______________________________

______________________________

BOO WHO HOO: Following her therapist’s advice, a woman asks her “monster-under-the-bed” to come out into the light where she can deal with it… but the monster has other ideas.

Act 1 – Irene summons a monster

Opening

A cat hisses, jumps out of the darkness underneath the bed.

AJ, Deeper Layer: Irene’s unrealized dreams and suppressed desires have been growing for years.

As the sun sets, the cat, LUCKY, wakes Irene up.

PJ: Beginning: Irene is depressed, lonely, and unhappy. She sleeps in a daytime and works at night. Something bothers her at her place, she is afraid of every sound. She is especially weary of the dark space underneath her bed.

Boo makes noises that sounds like audible hallucinations.

Denial Conversation

The way she talks to herself turns into the way she talks to the monster.

Genre: She tells her cat Lucky not to go under the bed.

She doesn’t notice she hurts herself (pinching, biting nails and lips).

Genre: She turns on the TV not to feel alone. Her computer and a kettle. The light on her desk. The lights blink. She has this urgent project to send. She makes a disgusting coffee to save electricity that threatens her work.

Her wisdom tooth starts bothering her.

A call. Irene finds her phone in the dark bathroom where the light doesn’t work. Her successful childhood friend comes to town, the one who lives her life to the fullest. Invites her to meet.

She is known for coming up with creative excuses. Refuses to go out.

Boo steals her phone.

The lights go out. (Boo turns it off when Irene start backing out)

She starts creating a path back to herself.

Panic in the dark until Irene reaches the fuse box.

Genre: Her cat disappears.

__________

She meets her friend, they talk, Irene’s life and relationships are ugly. Would be nice to have a lover in her bed, and a great career, and this and that. Her friend tells her to see a shrink and invites her to her concert. Irene has too many things to do, urgent project and the landlord stopping by next week, she needs to put new wallpaper instead of those scratched by a cat.

Deeper Layer: Irene throws away the flyer. Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).

__________

She asks to put a missing cat poster in the store. The locals refer to her as weirdo, but the owner of the shop shushes them. He gives her some candy on the house.

__________

Inciting Incident

She sticks the wallpaper.

Genre: Irene senses there’s someone in the house. It’s not a cat — she finds the cat’s collar.

She turns on the TV and it turns off.

The bulbs go off and she has to change them.

The shadow she sees is made by harmless stuff

The monster is real

Boo creates an experience of death for Irene.

The light at her place has been a problem for the neighbors as well

She has a nervous breakdown, and decides to go see a shrink.

Looks for the phone, calls the shrink.

__________

PJ: Inciting Incident: She tells the shrink about her feelings and suspicions. Shrink recommends Irene to talk to the monster under the bed. She also mentions that Irene deserves to take better care of herself, do something relaxing and fun.

Uses the monster as an excuse for her inaction

– She wants to have fun

– She wants to find love

– She wants to create

__________

Irene buys a small bottle of wine in the small store. The owner asks her if she needs a company. She makes it a big bottle and says she already has a company. Ignores flirt

__________

Turning Point

Irene has some wine and talks to the darkness under her bed.

– Love, relationships and family.

– Career and self-actualisation, prosperity

– Friends, fun, parties

– Health

– Happiness

– Having it all figured out and having it all

– Cozy home with home made comfort food

– Thought she’d achieve more by now

– Nobody likes her or believes in her

AJ: Inciting Incident: For the first time Irene talks to Boo, about her dreams, and asks Boo to come out.

The monster drinks her wine.

Irene gathers the courage to look under the bed, but there’s nobody — someone breaks dishes in the kitchen, or maybe a jar of pickles explodes.

Deeper Layer, AJ: Turning Point 1: Boo comes out to play, believing that Irene can help it.

______________________________

______________________________

Act 2 – Run or hide it:

New plan

Someone in her bed under the blanket… pillows.

Deeper Layer: She gets scared first, then the monster appears, not the other way around!

Genre: Strange things start happening: the picture of her family breaks, there are weird reflections on her screen and in the mirrors, the lights go off way too often, or are on where she didn’t turn it on. And when her hand hangs from the bed, something that’s under the bed…

Deeper Layer: Things that Irene gave up on disappear (include in the screen story).

Irene is scared, she calls her mom who invites her to come over for a weekend (after scolding her for, first, scaring her, then not calling her, then calling so late and waking up the kid. Irene talks to the kid about dreaming sweet dreams — their favorite sweets and other things.

Monster makes Irene remember her dreams ( she finds things she forgot about, can’t find what she is looking for).

Deeper Layer:

PJ: Turning Point 1: The monster comes out and starts creating mess and threaten Irene.It plays with her the games she used to like.

Deeper Layer: Surface Layer: A monster ruins Irene’s life.

The fruits or cake her friend got for her goes bad. Really bad.

Plan in action

Deeper Layer: Irene ruins her life and monster tries to stop her.

AJ: Act 2: Boo shows Irene life is short and instead of being afraid she should live. Boo prompts Irene to create art, call her mom, see her family, take care of herself, go out and have fun, make peace with her dad’s predicament.

Deeper Layer: It pushes her to enjoy her life.

She loses her job: She sent the scary files instead of beautiful designs.

Anger conversation

Monster makes Irene change her habits

__________

She hears the noise, puts some cat food. Sees a glimpse of the monster.

PJ: Act 2: Irene tries to get rid of the monster, poisons it, locks it out. Irene goes out, trying to escape from the monster. It follows.

Genre: She sees it in the window of the gallery. Its shadow follows her.

__________

She hides in the club.

Genre: The monster is in the crowd.

She picks up a guy not to be alone. She choses him because she thinks the monster showed her it wanted that guy.

__________

She brings him home and locks the door and windows to keep the monster out. The guy steps into something sticky — it’s everywhere, her peels the wallpaper, soils his hands with red, as if the walls under where bleeding, tears off more wallpaper, gets scared of the glue and visions of hell and runs away.

__________

He is found dead on the road. Probably hit and run.

__________

Genre: Irene goes to the dentist to pull her wisdom tooth. The monster comes back. She runs away from the dentist without treatment.

__________

Sleeps on the train.

__________

Irene goes to see her family. The monster is there. He knows her intimately.

Genre: When her mom reminds her that she’s turning 30 (26) and she is still alone, Irene says she is not alone, that’s the thing. Why didn’t she tell them? She wanted it to be a surprise. She introduces the monster and invites it to the table. Everyone believes a guy is about to come in. They wait. Irene’s niece checks and comes back quiet. Mom goes to welcome the guest. Nobody. Stupid joke. Irene’s niece confirms the monster is real.

Monster makes Irene face her parents

__________

Irene’s sister is pregnant, it’s heavy, but she doesn’t mind, at least her husband tries not to hit her when she is pregnant. And her husband is going away on a business trip (which might be a pleasure trip).

__________

Irene’s niece gives her cryptic advice on dealing with monsters. She tells her that when she is afraid she thinks about the things she loves, asks Irene about what makes her happy.

__________

Midpoint Turning Point

Boo makes noises in the house — the place is haunted by dreams unrealized.

Irene’s father dies. PJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Monster takes revenge by killing people around her. Deeper Layer: It gets worse every time Irene goes to her old ways.

______________________________

______________________________

Act 3 – Monsters’ showdown:

Rethink everything

A gift from dad she can’t find

Cat food disappears.

She cries and something cries with her, when she stops it keeps on.

The knives are out.

Understanding she can’t run away, Irene starts hunting the monster, but of course the odds are against her – she is the one who gets hurt. Then she decides to pretend she is a friend of the monster and will do whatever it wants her to do to get rid of it.

Genre: The monster needs someone, maybe someone else, she hopes.

Deeper Layer: It shows her that life is short.

New plan

PJ: Act 3: Irene negotiates with the monster and looks for unrelated victims to keep it quiet.

Bargaining Conversation

__________

Irene and the monster go out to kill someone.

AJ: Turning Point 2 / Midpoint: Unable to sustain her pain, Irene decides to harm people.

__________

AJ: Act 3: Boo pushes Irene to meet the guy she likes.

Genre: They come to a 24/7 shop. She buys painkillers, they have a convo on dealing with pian vs. killing it. There’s something in the store. The manager hides from the monster with Irene.

Boo disconnects the video and messes with electricity.

__________

He walks her back to her place.

Genre: She invites him to come up. He passes.

__________

Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift

Red, brown and black goo is everywhere.

Genre: It’s on, the monster and Irene have to sort it out now. She can’t kill herself, although she tries.

She is the one hiding under the bed.

Depression Conversation

She misunderstands the signs the monster gives her.

Turning Point 3: Boo wants to save Irene from death.

__________

Suddenly, Irene’s mom brings the niece who has to stay with Irene, whose sister is in hospital.

PJ: Turning Point 3: Her plan fails, and now she has a kid at her place.

______________________________

Act 4 – Monsters united:

Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict

Irene calms the monster down. Irene realizes she has been terrorizing herself and others all this time.

AJ, PJ: Act 4 Climax: Irene fights the monster and understands that the monster wants to die. But she can’t kill it! She hugs it, and it gives her what it was made of — all of it.

Acceptance conversation

She is pleading for the girl, but actually — for her true self.

Deeper Layer: As soon as she decides to change the monster falls apart.

She embraces her fears and breaks free from them. Monster gives her a gift. It shows Irene what she wants and helps her get rid of her fears. (Leaving it here for now: when she was a child, Irene was hiding under the bed).

Deeper Layer: Major Reveal: The monster is made of every desire Irene ever gave up on, it’s not trying to kill Irene, it’s asking for help.

The lights go on, the kid wakes up and discovers the treasures.

Resolution

Deeper Layer: Changes Reality: Discovering that the monster is made of her dreams, Irene realizes she created all the scary moments in her story.

Boo gives her something she needed in the beginning.

The content of the monster:

– Oil pain tubes

– Dirty brushes

– Sunglasses

– Balloons and gift wrappers

– Chocolates, cookies and “candy on the house”

– Shiny party dress (scales)

– Pages of sketches

– Seashells

– Coins

– Flowers

– Valentines

– Marshmallow

– Guitar strings

– Pool balls and puzzle pieces

– Sparkles

– Bicycle ring

– Rollerblades

– Christmas lights

– Headphones

– Postcards

– String of party lights

__________

Genre: In the morning emergency takes Irene away.

__________

Irene becomes an artist who can see other’s monsters. Her art is a reminder that sets them free. Her paintings are in the gallery.

__________

She dates the guy she connected with thanks to the monster.

__________

She tells the shrink she no longer needs therapy.

PJ: Resolution: Turns out it’s not a monster but her unrealized dreams that she neglected

AJ: Resolution: Boo transforms into Irene’s life of fulfillment.

There are plenty of monsters lurking under that shrink’s couch.

She has an amazing smile, radiant, strong, confident, pleasant.

[Kristin Donnan]

KRISTIN’S REVEALS

VISION: “I want the personal, professional, and financial freedom and joy that come from writing so well that I’m in demand, selling beyond my wildest dreams, and making worthy projects—on a big scale and with my active, collegial participation.”

CONCEPT: REX APPEAL / Comedy — The true story of a small-town paleontologist who sues the government after the feds seize his T. rex, the largest in the world.

WHAT I LEARNED in this assignment: Although I think I have more to discover here, it is very crucial for these setups and reveals to be related to the character profiles—what is DRIVING them, what are they AFRAID of, etc. I was happy that many reveals already had “legs” in the script, but I was able to beef them up.

REVEALS:

In Act 1

Reveal #1: The warning was true! There WAS an investigation into Pete’s company.

Setups: The team discusses the warning / “gossip.”

Revealed in Act 1’s Seizure.

In Act 2

Reveal #2: Slick Willy knows that Pete is innocent.

Setups: He oversells the seizure and later gets the National Guard involved (Act 1). Reveals his clandestine relationship and admits to his colleagues that the case is weak (Act 2). When he announces that an investigation is going on, Slick Willy’s #2 says there is no case (Act 2).

Reveal #3: Pete wonders if his oblivious and “success-oriented” attitude might have put them in jeopardy.

Setups: Blowing off “the warning” (Act 1). Being focused on the NASA relationship instead of what’s happening at home (Act 1). Pushing forward with what he wants to do (such as announcing he’ll sue the government) without talking with everyone (Act 1).

Revealed during “self-investigation” with Charlie.

In Act 3

Reveal #4: That the judge and prosecutor are in cahoots / but we don’t know why yet.

Setups: Slick Willy goes for advice to a mystery person (Act 1), who is later revealed to be the judge (Act 3). SW also talks about the case’s weaknesses (Act 3) and realization that the defendants are innocent (Act 2).

Reveal #5: Pete is a great scientist and has done a very complicated job well, for a long time (even if he doubts himself)

Setups: Pete takes over the packing of the fossil in the seizure because the “experts” don’t know how to do it (Act 2). In his own self-investigation, Pete’s records are pretty darn complete (Act 2). When he lays out an entire method to retrace their steps, he is competent (Act 3). Slick Willy knows he’s innocent of masterminding a conspiracy (Act 2). SW’s expert investigators and fossil people uncover…nothing (Act 3).

In Act 4

Reveal #6: That the whole case was a set-up; that Pete was the perfect “mark” for Slick Willy to use as a case to get promoted.

Setups: The earlier reveal, where Slick Willy knows Pete is innocent (from Act 2). Slick Willy agrees to a plea bargain where Pete is clearly the winner, because SW knows he won’t win (Act 3). SW reveals the plea bargain to a reporter friend [is he feeling guilty here?], not realizing that it will backfire (Act 3).

Reveal #7: Pete and June actually talk to each other; she’s his “person” and advisor.

Setups: He does some things “without thinking” and acts on June’s behalf; he lays down in front of the truck; he hears a voice. (Acts 1 & 2) He goes to talk to her in storage; the medicine man TELLS him what’s happening. (Act 3) Another dream (Act 4).

Reveal #8: Colleague who broke the law acted alone.

Setups: Pete discovers the evidence (Acts 2 & 3)

Where fully revealed? Act 4, when the colleague testifies with immunity.

ACT I: PETE IS TARGETED AND MAKES A DECISION THAT CHANGES HIS LIFE

PJ 1: ACTION: Pete and X are hanging on a cliff, each holding onto a rope (not in climbing harness, etc.) tied off to a rock above. They are chipping out a fossil from exposed rock—and as it comes loose, Pete dives to catch it. Both he and the rock nearly tumble a hundred feet down, but X catches his clothes. They look up, wondering how they’ll get it back to the top.

PJ 2: The rock is tied into the back of a dinged pickup. Pete and his merry band of diggers are returning from the dig. He’s driving; BRUSHES OFF the question about the “warning” they heard from a friend—that they are being investigated. Wants to talk about the “cool find.”

DEEPER LAYER: He’s been warned, but refuses to consider it. “Not possible” in his worldview.

AJ 1: IN SLOW MOTION, Slick Willy drives past the caravan on the road… sees them as they turn into the gas station… he’s on the way to the landowner they just left. He barks at his #2 to take photos.

PJ 3: ACTION Everybody loads up. Kids “climb” Pete and he “tosses” them in an open window… everyone drives off.

PJ 4: Pete’s passenger (X?) notices in the rear-view that a vehicle has pulled over. Pete expertly backs up and hops out to help… but gets DISTRACTED by rocks in the side cut… He hollers for a particular kid, who specializes in these rocks. Kid missing. Someone goes back to pick him up from gas station.

DEEPER LAYER: When they get back to the facility, we see how deeply they love their work—and especially their favorite dinosaur, JUNE.

PJ 5: In a town celebration, Pete IS NATURAL IN THE SPOTLIGHT as he dedicates June to be a permanent fixture in the museum—and announces that NASA is coming to pick up her skull to scan for scientific research purposes.

INCITING INCIDENT: Place is surrounded… seizure of June!

TJ 1 (Triangle character): Pete’s lawyer, Bronc, arrives and EVERYTHING STOPS. With great drama, he talks about NASA to the “gov’ment.” Tells Pete to keep his trap shut.

AJ 2: Slick Willy—wearing pancake makeup—holds a press conference, makes claims that Pete has violated laws, and that the fossil is “in danger” because Pete’s team sell fossils. Primps and postures.

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy is out of his element and too arrogant to realize how many mistakes he’s making. However, Judge sides with him and nixes NASA.

PJ 6: Pete “CROSSES THE LINE” (literally, the do-not-cross line) because “his” fossil is in danger from the government agents pretending to help. He takes over the seizure himself, and starts packing June. Embarrasses Slick Willy.

AJ 3: Slick Willy arrives LEADING THE NATIONAL GUARD (another mistake). School children come out in droves to protest, which totally throws him off guard.

TJ 2: Bronc enjoys the press as much as Slick Willy does.

PJ 7 / TURNING POINT 1: Pete is asked for an interview, and WITHOUT THINKING AHEAD, announces on TV that he’ll sue the government. (School kids and townsfolk in background.) [MAGIC HERE? “VOICE IN HIS HEAD”?]

AJ 4 / DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: Slick Willy runs to the judge [WE DON’T KNOW WHO HE IS] to ask advice. We learn that Slick Willy is in cahoots… with someone.

ACT 2 — THE SHIT HITS THE FAN

PJ 8: Pete is pulled from interview to interview—although he keeps trying to get back to work—and keeps BLURTING OUT his truth. People start to love him.

AJ 5: Slick Willy is in deep—he doesn’t know what to do with all the stuff he’s confiscating. Had no idea what he was really asking for, or how to manage. Tries to act confident, but behind closed doors, looses his shit and then confesses all to #2. #2 helps to steer and organize.

TJ 3: Bronc files a motion to object to the use of the National Guard on legal grounds / also tries to stop the process for June’s safety and for science. He’s like a ninja.

AJ 6: Slick Willy ORDERS MORE “EXPERTS” into the mix. To fight Pete’s positive press, SW instructs some to start spreading fake news about “independent fossil hunters are all treasure hunters.” They do it, but frank conversations among this group—including prosecutors—suggest that Pete isn’t guilty of anything.

PJ 9: Pete sees the power of the press, and calls his old pal, Charlie (who works at NBC): “Can you find Tom Brokaw?”

AJ 7: As June’s trucks begin to pull out, Slick Willy HINTS TO THE PRESS that a large investigation is underway. His #2 says there isn’t a case.

PJ 10: Pete LAYS DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TRUCK; he can’t bear for June to drive away. His own kids pull him away.

TJ 4: Bronc asks Pete: Did you make the mistakes Slick Willy is suggesting?

DEEPER LAYER: Slick Willy begins to position the case as “saving artifacts from being auctioned to the highest bidder,” but he’s really just buying time while he figures out how to proceed. All the questions make Pete doubt himself and his easy-going processes.

PJ 11: Charlie arrives, and Pete pours his heart out to her. As they UNDERGO SOME PRELIMINARY “SELF-INVESTIGATION” (i.e., dangling from the shelves in the warehouse), he confesses that he’s not always as organized as he should be. What if he hasn’t steered the ship well enough? What if they were in the wrong place? But they discover that one of his colleagues really has been doing something wrong—intentionally. How will this hurt Pete?

MIDPOINT TURNING POINT (TP2): INDICTMENTS!

AJ 8: With great pomp and circumstance, Slick Willy unfurls a huge and cumbersome RICO case. It’s ridiculous in its scope and overreach, and he admits to #2 that he just hopes something sticks.

TJ 5: Bronc puts it all in perspective during a briefing for Charlie: “A million fossils, 7 sites that have been questioned.”

PJ 12: Pete [HAS A DREAM? HEARS A VOICE?] discovers his inner hero, or at least his inner “grown up”—recognizing the scope of this situation, he stands tall.

TJ 6: Bronc warns Pete to be careful of Charlie—and “he knows women.” Pete says his intuition about her is good; he’s known her “forever.”

DEEPER LAYER: “everyone” involved knows this is a game, and that the indictment is out of control. Still, the game is serious. Plus, is Charlie a fame-digger?

ACT 3 — PETE BECOMES AN INVESTIGATOR

PJ 13 / TJ 6: Pete and Bronc LAY OUT A PLAN to investigate every count. Send out the team, including Charlie.

AJ 9: Slick Willy sends all his investigators and “experts” to confirm details about each site they’ve identified. Without saying it outright, he suggests that they stretch the truth if needed. (Hilarious, as they are out of shape and can’t reach the fossil sites.) Slick Willy begrudgingly realizes that Pete is better at his job than the academic experts.

DEEPER LAYER: As both sides build their cases, we see how the prosecutor handles the case, and how weak everyone thinks it really is. We also see Pete use his natural skills in an awesome way. Charlie, meanwhile, is rock solid.

DEEPER LAYER: As Pete learns more about what his “bad colleague” has done, his own fears of inadequacy or having “impostor syndrome” are triggered. Also is placed in an ethical dilemma.

TP / MIDPOINT (“ALL IS LOST”): judge orders June to be auctioned! Pete’s co-defendants are afraid; lawyers multiply and split.

PJ 14: Pete is given lots of casseroles and is told all kinds of platitudes about life’s difficulties. He “runs into” a medicine man [more MAGIC?], who tells him it’s dangerous to disturb fossils—but also that June knows Pete is “her person.” [MAYBE the “magic” is revealed: that the “voice” is June’s.]

DEEPER LAYER: SOMETHING HERE about the “curse” of the fossil / magic happens.

AJ 10: Slick Willy rubs his hands together… even if the case is weak, the defendants have been hobbled—and also might cut each other to bits. All of that could make him the winner.

PJ 15: Pete VISITS JUNE at her storage facility, asking for advice. She tells him to stand strong for the team, and be willing to sacrifice himself—even though he knows he didn’t do anything wrong.

TJ 7: Bronc initiates a meeting / suggests the plea bargain. Slick Willy agrees, thinking it will be the best chance at a “win,” even though the plea bargain is highly in Pete’s favor.

DEEPER LAYER REVEAL: When the plea bargain appears in the paper, the judge [WE LEARN THAT THE “ADVISOR” IS THE JUDGE] blames Pete’s team and turns it down, stunning Slick Willy. [NOTE: SHOULD THE REJECTION BE THE MIDPOINT?]

ACT 4 — THE SHOWDOWN (TRIAL)

Frankly not sure exactly how to manage the trial …

PJ 16: Pete goes fossil hunting. MAYBE he has a DREAM: the guys who created this independent business model 100 years before explain they are relying on him. MAYBE he has an in-person conversation with the dinosaur herself, in real time. They break the case.

AJ 11 / 12 / etc.: Slick Willy looks like an idiot on many occasions, because he is unprepared and has made mistakes. (Don’t forget his fussing with ELMO.)

DEEPER REVEAL: The colleague who broke the law is given immunity, but doesn’t say anything damning about Pete. Because there isn’t any. Big disappointment to Slick Willy.

PJ 17 / 18 / etc.: Pete, by bringing everyone together (being a real leader) scores good points—although it also becomes obvious that occasionally someone on his team made a minor error. Nothing serious.

TJ 8 / 9 / etc.: Bronc becomes the star of the trial—strutting his stuff on cross examination and illustrating how the investigators look like doofuses. Bronc focuses on the “pretty lady” in the jury, knowing he can count on her falling for him.

DEEPER LEVEL: The judge is obviously on the prosecution’s side, making crazy rulings and not letting in defense exhibits. Defense keeps score on his rulings.

RESOLUTION: The judge, completely on a tear, sentences Pete as if he were guilty of big crimes and will send him to prison. We learn that Bronc’s “favorite juror” plays golf with the judge. She was the single “guilty” verdict on many counts.

TJ XX: Despite Pete’s being convicted, even on minor charges, Bronc marches out of the courthouse with a cigar in his mouth.

AJ XX: Slick Willy is frustrated that the public sees this as a “win” for Pete. SLICK WILLY GETS FIRED.

DEEPER LEVEL: Charlie finds out that the Slick Willy leaked the plea bargain to the press… and that the whole case was a set-up to get the prosecutor confirmed as US Attorney. [NOT SURE HOW YET.]

PJ XX: When Pete self-surrenders, the guy who checks him in says “you must have pissed somebody off.” We see Pete’s business colleagues lined up to visit him as he’s finding fossils in the prison yard.

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE something magic here… dinosaur helps him with scary guys?

DEEPER LEVEL: MAYBE a fossil starts magically popping out of the ground…?

[Bob DeCarli]

Bob DeCarli’s Reveals!

My Vision: To master my craft to the point where I’ve earned a reputation as the screenwriter top producers, directors, and stars can call upon when they need someone to save the day.

What I learned: Again, that the fill-in-the-blank process sparks creativity.

REVISED BEAT SHEET

ACT ONE

[Day 1, Evening]

Opening

Setup: Alluring Lady in Bar flirting with YG, but interrupted by Law Clerk. After YG leaves with his Law Clerk, Alluring Lady texts that she’s free for the night, unexpectedly.

Note: She’s a prostitute hired by RED.

Even though it’s night, a mob in front of the courthouse, protesting in support of abortion rights. One sign says “Death to YG.” YG and Law Clerk quickly turn around and head in the opposite direction.

YG and Law Clerk enter side door of the Courthouse, using YG’s keycard. Friendly, respectful interaction with ELDERLY CUSTODIAN as they enter.

YG in chambers with his law clerk. Law Clerk comments that as a married man, he needs to watch himself with women out to get something. Professional interaction between the two.

They review three cases the judge will hear in court the next afternoon:

Distinctive knock on the door. FEMALE US MARSHAL enters. She’s in charge of his security while in the courthouse. She tells him they have increased security because of his anticipated ruling on the abortion case. She’s leaving for the evening.

Case 1: [red herring] An abortion rights case brought by a doctor who runs a clinic that has been shut down. It has generated huge protests and threats against the judge.

Case 2: The sentencing a convicted murderer. YG debating between a death sentence and life in prison.

Case 3: A challenge to the condemnation of residential homes for a huge real estate development.

Setup: Law Clerk surprised to hear YG plans on denying the developer’s motion to dismiss in the REAL ESTATE CASE. Law Clerk leaves.

Setup & Reveal: YG calls his wife to tell her he’ll be late. “So what’s new?” Their marriage is a sham: they pretended to be happily married so he could get appointed to the bench. She tells him it’s time to end the charade. Knock on her door as she’s ending the call: It’s the Female U.S. Marshall. They’re having an affair.

[Day 2, Morning]

–YG at the side entrance, bypassing the protesters. He tries to enter but his key card isn’t working. The Elderly Custodian recognizes him and lets him in.

–YG enters his chambers; Setup: Law Clerk is surprised to see him. Law Clerk tells him the Chief Judge has asked to speak with him. She guesses it’s about a transfer of new cases, pointing to a large number of files. Oh, and YG’s wife called. Annoyed, YG wonders why she didn’t call on his cell.

YG enters his private office.

Inciting Incident: Anonymous, ominous demand that YG absent himself from his afternoon appearance.

–Loud commotion outside. We’re afraid it’s an attack of some kind by abortion rights activists, but instead it’s a group of adoring college students there to see YG. We learn at the end of the scene they are Federalist-Society-type conservatives.

As YG is leaving to see the Chef Judge, he tells Law Clerk to prepare two orders, one dismissing the challenge to the abortion restriction, another denying the developers motion to dismiss. Clerk again expresses hesitancy about the challenge to the imminent domain claim for the development, but YG says just write up a short order, which I’ll issue this afternoon. They can prepare a detailed opinion later.

YG meets with Chief Judge in her office.

Setup: Chief Judge hostile to YG, seemingly because of his youth, right-wing politics, and her feeling that he was not deserving of the position.

Setup: Chief Judge tells YG that she will reassign most of his cases, including the Real Estate and Murder case. She’ll let him keep the abortion case, since that’s what got him on the bench anyway. Heated Argument, triggered by YG accusing Chief Judge only having her position because of her race. She signs the Transfer Order in his presence.

Back in Chambers –

Setup: Law Clerk shocked that YG still plans to rule on the REAL ESTATE CASE and the MURDER CASE, after Chief Judge told him she was transferring them away from him, and already signed an Order. But YG checks the Court’s docket, and that the transfer Order hasn’t been filed, so the cases are still his.

[Day 2, Afternoon]

–The Courtroom. It’s packed. RED enters the courtroom with fanfare; like a celebrity, rich, powerful, and apparently well-liked, Elon Musk. The Female US Marshal looks at RED with disdain, the retreats to YG’s chambers.

–In Chambers, Female U.S. Marshal reports that the Courtroom is clear. It’s safe for him to enter.

–All rise. YG enters the courtroom.

Case 1: INTRO PLAINTIFF ABORTION DOCTOR. YG dismisses the case challenging the closing of the abortion clinic. Protesters start yelling, one threatens to make YG “pay.” The doctor Plaintiff urges her supporters to leave peacefully. They’re cleared from the courtroom.

Case 2: Sentencing of DEATH ROW (DR). Elderly woman in the audience for his sentencing. Looks like she’s his grandma, but there is no familial relationship. DR’s defense attorney urges him to make a statement showing remorse, but DR refuses, so Defense attorney speaks on his behalf: father a felon in prison his entire life, mother a drug addict; deck was stacked against him from the beginning.

YG is unmoved, and sentences DR to death. [Deeper Layer: DR did not commit the murder. It was a young teenage boy who killed in self-defense while defending his home from one of RED’s thugs.] DR is about to be led from the courtroom when,

Turning Point: U.S. Marshalls with guns drawn, rush into the courtroom. DR drops to the floor, thinking they’re there for him. But they’re there to arrest YG – for the murder of his wife.

Setup: YG doesn’t know who he’s accused of murdering. First thing he does is ask who he supposedly killed.

YG flees to his Chambers.

Setup: YG runs from the US Marshals rather than surrendering peacefully.

ACT TWO

Reaction: Goes to the Chief Judge, accuses her of framing him. She denies it. He asks for help, she refuses and tells him to turn himself in. He flees.

Courthouse on lockdown.

Tries the door to his Law Clerk’s office. It’s locked. He knocks, identifies himself, but there’s no answer.

Inside, the Law Clerk is silent.

YG flees down an emergency stairway.

The Marshalls, led by Female US Marshal, close in on YG.

Encounters the Elderly Custodian, who asks if YG needs anything. YG declines, not wishing to bring harm to him.

YG arrives at a Courthouse rear exit. Almost runs into a group of Prisoners, including DR, are being marched along by a Guard. Guard and Prisoners react oddly.

A US Marshal appears, draws his gun on YG, and asks PRISONER/GUARD for help. But then the US Marshal asks, “Who are you?” The Prisoner/Guard shoots the US Marshal.

YG ends up with a gun, and in a standoff with the Prisoner/Guard, who tells YG he can’t stop them. YG says he doesn’t want to – he wants to join them

Other US Marshals arrive, and all hell breaks loose.

Everyone except YG, DR and one PRISONER are killed. YG’s going to leave DR chained in the transport but releases him and takes him with him when DR yells, “I know they framed you.” YG agrees to take DR; thinks at this point it’s “the abortionists” who framed him.

We see the transport drive out of the courthouse. It’s hit by a massive amount of gunfire. Destroyed. Swarmed by law enforcement, who open it to find it empty except the driver.

YG and DR blend into the chaos of the pro choice rally outside (Maybe have them hide under burkas or Handmaiden’s Tale uniform. But they’re cut off. Only choice is returning to the courthouse. They manage to both get back inside the courthouse, with YG managing it by acting with humility and getting someone to whom he previously was rude to help him.

Plan in action: –Death Row agrees to tell what he knows to the Chief Judge, at YG’s urging. DR is skeptical: She never liked YG. What makes him think she’s not part of the plan to frame him?

[Day 2, Evening]

Midpoint: YG and DR manage to get in to speak with the Chief Judge. It looks like she’s beginning to believe them – when she’s killed by a gunshot through a window – by the Female US Marshal – and the gun used is tossed in through the window, framing the two of them for the murder. [REVEAL that Female US Marshal works for RED]

ACT THREE

[Day 2, Night]

Setup: The Abortion Clinic Doctor provides refuge to both YG and DR, also a reveal that YG likely not targeted because of his ruling on the abortion case. Clearly she was not behind any threats. She/he makes clear that he would not have done so if it were YG alone. It’s for DR.

Setup: Law Clerk had written a draft order dismissing the Real Estate case, the opposite of how YG ultimately ruled.

Minor Reveal: YG discovers that Alluring Lady an escort with some sort of connection to RED.

Reveal: Chief Judge also was on RED’s payroll. “What is it with these lawyers? They get on the bench, and think they’re supposed to have ethics all of a sudden.”

[Day 3, Morning]

New plan: YG is now convinced his sponsor, RED, is behind the plot to frame him, and framed DR for murder. They concoct a plan to prove that RED is behind the killing of the Chief Judge and framing YG and DR.

YG able to contact Law Clerk, and she agree to help them get access to RED and confront him.

Setup: Urgent text, then desperate phone call, from Law Clerk, begging YG to come save her.

YG arrives to save Law Clerk, but it’s a trap: they’re captured by RED’s thugs because [Reveal] the Law Clerk is yet another person on RED’s payroll.

Reveal: RED makes YG an offer: he will provide evidence showing that DR killed both the Chief Judge and YG’s wife, in exchange for YG, once he’s cleared gets back on the bench, rescinds his ruling on the Real Estate case. YG asks what if he backs out. RED answers by killing the Law Clerk. If YG backs out, he’ll be on the hook for this killing, too.

ACT FOUR

–DR rescues YG. But he sacrifices himself to do so. First he places himself in what is almost a no-win situation, then dies in order to protect an innocent from being killed by the Henchwoman/Female US Marshall.

YG manages to escape.

[Day 3, Afternoon]

–YG concocts a plan to coerce RED into clearing both of them.

RED AJ/YG PG – Images publicized that appear to show RED and Law Clerk having an affair. RED’s wife not happy. [Need to add her earlier so she doesn’t appear now out of the blue]

RED AJ – RED is now on the run, on the defensive, with YG on the offensive.

–Face off between YG and Female US Marshal. He manages to kill her.

–Final confrontation between YG and RED. Must be a complete emasculation of RED, including other US Marshals. In a surprise (maybe), the Law Clerk turns on RED.

Reveal: YG has committed murder, something he concealed from everyone, including himself.

–Prompted by DR’s sacrifice, YG pledges to come clean about his criminal background. And clear DR’s name. YG has the opportunity to get off scott free. But does not. He points authorities to the evidence. (maybe the killing was an auto accident, a hit-and-run).

[Day 4, Morning]

–RED is exposed. Perp walk. He’s arraigned on a multitude of charges, and faces the rest of his life in jail.

Resolution:

Now
having developed the true qualities necessary to be a wise judge, the Junior
Judge disposes of a case compassionately, the scene mirroring the first
sentencing scene, and showing how he has changed.

<hr width=”33%” size=”1″ align=”left”>

[Peter Symons]

Peter’s Reveals

VISION:

I’m a successful horror screenwriter who creates movies that are so disturbing they stay with you long after you leave the theater!

WHAT I LEARNED DOING THIS ASSIGNMENT IS…?”

It ain’t over until the fat lady in coffin sings!

SETUPS AND REVEALS

ACT ONE: Setup: Carlos Ramirez once the feared El Escorpion – a gang enforcer for MS-13 who used a poisoned machete to dispatch his enemies – now drives a hearse and is struggling to pay the bills for his growing young family.

INCITING INCIDENT: REVEAL: Carlos knows that his old gang has targeted his wife and young son for termination because they think he ratted them out while in prison. He doesn’t have the luxury of a federal witness protection program. So, he either takes the lethal packet of meth given to him by his former associate, Jude, or his family is dead.

BEGINNING SETUP: Carlos is trying to go straight after serving years in prison. When his family is threatened by his old gang, he must make a choice to kill himself or wait until his old gang kills his family.

REVEAL: Carlos reveals to Father Diego, his mentor, that his old gang has found him again. Jude, their leader, thinks he ratted them out while he was in prison. Which isn’t true. But that doesn’t matter. Now he has no choice. He either ends his life by lethal meth or watch as they kill his family. Father Diego says he will pray for his family’s protection. Dani reveals she’s pregnant with their second child. This causes Carlos to spiral. He knows his meager wages can’t support them as it is.

SETUP: Carlos, in a fit of despair takes the meth. He has a seizure and passes out on the garage floor while fixing a hearse. Whether in a hallucination or nightmare he hears a voice calling his name. Out back in a shed he finds a vintage hearse under a tarp. The 1930s hearse is possessed by a demonic entity, Santa Muerte. Carlos makes a pact with the Saint of Death to protect his family in exchange for soul. He finds a HOBO COIN with a strange engraving on it.

REVEAL: Carlos is brought to by Father Diego. He thinks his deal with the devil was all a hallucination. He doesn’t say anything to the old priest, but he mentions the Meat Wagon. Father Diego says that the old hearse is cursed. Used to be used by the mob and later the Cartel to drive the evilest souls to their final resting place. He was warns Carlos to say away from the shed.

SETUP Jude and the boys attack Dani that night. Carlos (we can’t tell for sure) steps out of the darkness and slaughters several of the gang with a poisoned machete. Jude swears revenge and escapes.

ACT 3:

REVEAL: Carlos awakens at night in the Meat Wagon. This time there’s a coffin in the back. A demonic voice commands that he drive the body to a predetermined destination before dawn to fulfill his part of the deal. He wasn’t hallucinating. Or was he? The voice tells him not to look in the rear-view mirror.

SETUP: Father Diego is in the mortuary preparing a body for burial. We can’t see who. He shaves the head and tattoos something on the skull of the corpse. Then he places something into the mouth of the cadaver and sews the lips shut all while chanting something in Latin.

SETUP: Carlos calls Dani on his cell phone. She’s crying hysterically and asks what does he want? She says something about death… Her signal is choppy. He can’t make out what she’s trying to tell him. Her call is cut.

REVEAL: Jude shows up at the funeral home and demands that Father Diego tell him where he can find Carlos?

SETUP: Carlos sees dead people on dark desert highway. Former occupants of the Meat Wagon. The demonic voice reveals they are on the Highway to Hell from which there is no escape. Carlos tries to stop the hearse, but the brakes don’t work. He can’t control the steering. He demands to see who’s in the coffin! The hearse continues. Carlos is no longer in control.

SETUP: Jude tail gates the old hearse in his rice rocket. He overtakes the Meat Wagon pulls out a gun and fires at Carlos.

ACT 4:

REVEAL: Jude speeds up and is now side by side with the Meat Wagon. But no one is in the driver’s seat! Jude freaks and guns his engine. But the Meat Wagon is now the pursing Jude. Jude can’t outrun the Meat Wagon. He sees something on the road in front of him. A figure, bald with tattoos on its face and an autopsy scar. Holding a machete. Jude steers to avoid it and hits the ditch, rolls and his car explodes.

REVEAL FB: we watch as the old priest prepares a body for burial. To our horror, it’s Carlos’s body! We watch as his hair is shaved off and the old priest tattoos an upside down cross on his forehead, and finally, places the HOBO COIN with Santa Muerte’s image on it into the mouth of his own corpse and sews the lips shut. The priest pays the toll for the transference of Carlos’s soul to the underworld.

SETUP: Carlos’s body is in the coffin now. He struggles to get out and screams, but his lips are sewn shut.

REVEAL: The coffin in the back of the hearse is fully engulfed in flames now. The Meat Wagon continues to drive down the Highway to Hell, now aflame like a demonic chariot. Later, there’s a funeral at which Father Diego presides he reads, John 11:24: “I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live”

As the coffin is lowered into the ground, we see Dani and Alejandro in attendance and the priest smiles…

SETUP: There’s a knocking coming from within the coffin.

[Nat Melvin]

M4 LESSON 6: Natalie’s Reveals

My vision is to create and produce award winning stories that make an unforgettable emotional impact on a worldwide audience.

What I learned from this assignment: It’s actually fun seeing setups and reveals planted in the story organically

Reveal 1: Emily’s belief that her daughter is alive

Setup where: Act 1. Her drawing of a child

Reveal /mislead where: Act 1 or 2. LW’s conversation w/ Hunter about Angels

Reveal: Whose daughter is Hunter

Setup where: Act 1. LW’s conversation with Hagan

Reveal where: Act 4. In the hospital where Emily realizes that Hunter is Hagan’s & Susan’s daughter

Reveal: Who makes plaster phantoms and why

Setup where: Act 1. Walter arranges plaster phantoms in the chapel, each with a recognizable item related to a real person who’s been killed

Reveal where: Act 2. Evans asks Hunter to get undressed so he can make her phantom

Act 3. Hagan finds Hunter’s phantom in the chapel

Reveal: Who is the killer of family members

Setup where: Act 1. Detective Mike accuses Hagan of killing his father

Act 1: LW tells Hagan about strange disappearances/ deaths of family members and asks him to leave town and leave Emily alone

Reveal where: Act 3. Emily realizes that Walter is wearing LW’s mask, and shoots him

Act 3. Emily finds corpses beneath the chapel’s floor

Reveal: Who killed Susan

Setup where: Act 1. Emily’s flashback of her pushing Susan too hard

Reveal where: Act 1. Walter’s flashback where Susan, barely alive, asks for his help

Act 2. Teresa tells Emily that Susan committed suicide and Hagan is a suspect

Reveal: Where is the will and who is named heir of the estate

Setup where: Act 1. LW tells Hagan about the will

Reveal where: Act 4. Evans (?) finds the will inside LW’s pillow

Reveal: Who is Cherimoya

Setup where: Act 2. Teresa tells Emily about Cherimoya being Hagan’s club manager

Reveal where: Act 3. Emily finds Cherimoya’s mask and realizes that Cherimoya is someone else

[Kevin Cunningham]

Kevin Cunningham’s Reveals!

My Vision: By making my high-quality writing and speaking known in many venues (the Industry, Youtube, podcasts, books), I will create a reputation as a profoundly powerful, thoughtful, and skilled writer, and be sought after for new and rewrite activities at the highest levels.

What I learned from doing this assignment: Looking to incorporate reveals does open up new threads and provides more depth to the story. Still wondering: who is the real villain in this story then?

[Note: there are a few other Reveals I have listed but not yet incorporated into the draft below]

——

GOING NATIVE

Comedy/Satire

Concept: A woke New England town votes to give their land back to the Native American tribe they stole it from centuries before – putting leadership of the town in the hands of a clueless slacker Native teen

Main Conflict: A slacker Native teen, appointed leader of a town, must overcome his own immaturity and many competing partisan forces to successfully keep the town out of breakdown and bankruptcy, and protect his tribe’s future.

——

Act 1:

– 1677 Boston: John Wompas alias White is confronted by Daniel Gookin about inappropriately selling Native lands, and other questionable behavior; he’s something of a rascal

– Modern Day: Mukki asleep awkwardly on his cot, his mom comes in and urges him to get up in Native language; “Speak English!” he insists petulantly; he reaches for his pants; she shakes her head no; she tosses him colorful native garb; Mukki frowns

– 1970s 8mm footage: 6-year-old Mr. Fox dresses in Indian garb, turns to face other kids, who are dressed as cowboys and move forward menacingly; Mr. Fox swallows hard, but declares “All this land is mine!” and runs headlong into them.

– The Fox family watches the video and laughs. Daughter Alison cringes to see how un-PC her dad is. Mr. Fox declares “Land is everything.” [scene: closeup of Mr. Fox giving “land is the future” scene (as if before a great crowd) – then reveal girls watching him; “yeah, we know that dad!” – if he could just set up that one great real estate deal before he retires…]

Wife Elizabeth takes him aside and says it’s time for him to retire: two beautiful daughters ready for college, and him getting on in years. He agrees to wind down to retirement: one last real estate project. She prepares for Town Meeting.

– Mukki stumbles toward a crowd of other natives, pulling on his colorful costume awkwardly; tumbles; gets up and races along: joins them just in time as they do a “Grand Entry” — it’s a traditional powwow; The grandfather extols the land they stand upon. In the audience, clueless touristy white folks (including one or two of Mukki’s high school classmates); Mukki tries to do the native dance, but is awkward and doesn’t seem to know it; Mukki stops short as he comes up to Alana, the Powwow Princess — beautiful in her native garb; Mukki is trampled by the tribesmen behind him; he looks up, mud on his face; the white attendees point at him and laugh.

– Jessie Masnubic directs a group of high schoolers in an all-white production of a play about Thanksgiving. Jessie insists that this is going to be a revisionist version, since the white settlers were all evil white men and the natives were pure as snow. Timid teens try to make fierce white faces, but are not feeling it. Jessie pushes them. Pretty Alison Fox plays Squanto.

– Mukki, humiliated, retreats to his room to play video games, avoids native culture, pines for Powwow Princess. Mukki’s mother appeals to his grandfather about what to do with him. He suggests he be the representative to the upcoming Town Meeting.

– Mr. Fox talks stealthily with an obscure man in a dim alcove. They finish, and Mr. Fox walks into the town historian’s office. The Fox’s have lived there forever, but he’s got a question about the land. The historian starts to answer…

– Jessie Masnubic leads a cabal of rabid townsfolk in a plan for a big push on Town Meeting motions:

1. changing “Selectmen” to “Select Board”

2. changing the state flag (Massachusetts) to get rid of the oppressed Indian image

3. changing “Columbus Day” to “Indigenous People’s Day”

Alison is in attendance, and wonders, “why stop there?” The others’ eyes widen: anything is possible.

[conservatives hobbling into town hall: town knows fiscal cliff is looming, and an override is planned for the November ballot – part of the vote for transfer is to get out of the debt. they’re not going to serve that – what, and let the libs have more money for their wicked ways? the developers smile]

– Town Meeting: the crusty old moderator confers with Elizabeth Fox, leader of the Town Finance Committee. The old white conservatives congregate around the periphery. Mr. Fox and the historian come in and sit near them. The Progressives stride in to the central seats, excited. Where’s the Native representative? Mukki comes in with his mom, greets the Progressives weakly. The session begins.

First: a declaration that “this is native land we’re standing on”, conservatives sigh.

Next: the Select Board name change. The extreme feminists support it, the conservatives weakly don’t. The speaker’s pronouns – we, us – cause confusion – will the speaker please clarify if you mean you singular or some group of people? “I mean we singular.” Oh just proceed…. They vote on their electronic devices. Mr. Fox’s doesn’t work. He gives a voice vote.

Next: the state flag. Nothing wrong with an Indian – “objection: Indigenous person” – on the flag: it’s shows inclusion. But what about that sword over his head? What does the Native think? Mukki says as an Indian – “objection!” – er a Native (?) I don’t have a problem with it. His mother kicks him and says “yes, we object, we object!” The motion passes. Again, Mr. Fox has to vote manually.

Finally: the Columbus Day proposal. “Whereas”es go on forever. Columbus is an evil hostile inhumane genocidal maniac. The amendment is proffered: let’s at least say we’re not anti-Italian, just anti-Columbus. Progressives: “you’re trying to water it down!” Um, yeah. What says the Native? Mukki says, sounds right to me, don’t want to offend anyone. Progressives freak out: Columbus Day offends YOU, you idiot! Mukki is indifferent. Amendment is defeated. Italians stew.

Another amendment is proffered by disgruntled conservatives: put your money where your mouth is – give back the land. Which land – just Town land? No, all of it! Fine! Amendment is accepted. Ha!

Town Counsel, can we do this? It’s a young kid, his dad put him in place. Well, I expect so.

Now the real vote: do we vote to change name of holiday, AND give the land back to the Natives? The vote goes ahead.

Electonic vote is tied. Everyone’s freaked out. Mr. Fox has to give the tieing vote. Of course he’ll say no. He owns land in the town. He looks at his daughter Alison. But he votes YES!

Mukki and his mom sit in stupor. What just happened? Well, you guys, you just got a whole town!

Act 2:

– Mukki’s small tribe discusses what to do – the grandfather (the sachem) assigns Mukki to serve as the tribe’s representative. But Mukki objects: that would mean running the town! What does he know about government? Does he know Excel? Yes. Then that’s good enough. He doesn’t know his tribe’s history or goals. He will have to learn. But how does he help the town work? Be like the white people: go native.

– Mukki approaches Town Hall. Alison intercepts him, calling him “Mr. Mayor” and saying she’s honored to help him. She offers to help him learn the ropes: there are different constituencies in town he’ll need to attend to. There are the Conservatives, and the Progressives, and–. Look, I’ll handle it myself. She is rebuffed.

– In a conference room, the Select Board (they keep saying Selectmen) introduces him to this delicate situation. Elizabeth Fox is there as Chair of the town’s Finance Committee. The first order of business is that the town was in dire financial straits due to a “structural deficit” and they were planning to put an “override” on the ballot to collect more revenue, but now weren’t sure what to do as they aren’t in charge anymore. They ask Mukki what they should do. Mukki is clueless. Elizabeth reviews the financial state of the town and points to a concerning trend: staff will need to be paid, but revenue has stopped. Should they be laid off? Many different opinions come his way, and he’s overwhelmed. He says something “sage” about “the crops will grow in time” etc. (echoing his grandfather badly). (Crops?) He plans to meet with different groups in town, then get back to them.

– Elizabeth tells Mr. Fox that he should try to help Mukki, because he knows all about land. Mr. Fox reluctantly agrees to touch base with him. But first he has some things to do in town. Alison complains about Mukki. But she has rehearsal tonight. Elizabeth decides to dig deep into the projected budgets, now that the land will be transferred. You probably think it’s a bad idea – why should I care any more? But Mr. Fox surprises her: no, it’s important.

– Mr. Fox meets with various people, apparently about unrelated development projects. Certain Town leaders are promoted or canned for obscure reasons, suggesting some kind of behind-the-scenes action. It is unclear by whom!

– Mukki’s mom coaches him about how to deal with the people in town. Be a mirror to them. We’ve spent generations making ourselves invisible, being what they expect. Just do that. Yes, says, Mukki sarcastically, it’s worked for hundreds of years. But he will try it.

– The conservatives: in a oak-walled room at the Sakkonet golf course, the conservatives crow about having escaped taxes etc. Mukki enters in a suit and tie, fully assimilated. The conservatives kowtow to Mukki, using all kinds of inappropriate words (powwow, chief, brave, savage, squaw, indian giver, on the warpath, low man on the totem pole, Indian summer, burying the hatchet, etc.). Mukki pretends to be clearheaded, and voices stock conservative phrases. They ask about his tribe’s history, but he is kind of clueless (the Historian is there, who knows more than Mukki does). They tentatively approve of him.

– The Progressives: at Jessie Masnubic’s little house, Mukki enters in full regalia, but it’s Western regalia (big bushy headdresses), not Eastern regalia. The feathers keep falling in his face and he has to brush them away. But the progressives eat it up. He makes up “native wisdom” as they try to push on him his own victimhood (he shares what the Historian just told him). He pushes way back on their construction, and their efforts to seize all power etc. Alison arrives quietly for rehearsal and watches. The progressives get more and more upset as Mukki fails to fall in line (pronouns, trans, DEI, ‘tribe”, social injustice “warriors,” etc.) and finally cancel him right to his face. They insist his tribe send someone else. He meekly leaves. Jessie transitions to rehearsals.

– Outside, Alison confronts Mukki: what the hell were you doing! You need to woo these people, to get their support. Mukki doesn’t want to woo anyone. Well, except… He moves closer to her, and they stare. Mr. Fox arrives boisterously, “putting the moves on my daughter?” The pair separate, “No sir!” “You wouldn’t be the first.” Alison is outraged (but thoughtful), but Mr. Fox continues and gives Mukki the word that there’s dire news- you’ve got to go to the Town Hall.

– They arrive at Town Hall in Mr. Fox’s car – a Jeep Cherokee – and see a crowd of people gathered out front, protesting. What do I do? Just comfort them. Mukki goes to the stone stairs and calls out to them. They say they want their jobs and wages. Well, what’s the problem? The Town Accountant has frozen all the accounts and will give out layoff notices. Don’t worry, Mukki says, my tribe runs this town now, and I’m sure we’ll fix everything. Someone cries out Mukki! Mukki! He turns to them and they punch Mukki in the face and race off. Mukki falls to the ground. Mr. Fox and Alison drag him up as he rubs his jaw and pull him inside. How’d I do? Alison rolls her eyes, and Mr. Fox assures him he’s well on his way to becoming a politician.

– Inside the Select Board room, they encounter the team leaders, who are desperate – by the terms of the vote, not only is Mukki responsible for the town, he owns all the land in the town. Mukki is nonchalant as they describe that the town is broke, and the debts are being called in immediately. Well, things go back to the earth. But the debt has to be paid off. The only way to pay it off is to sell off the assets. There’s the buildings, but that won’t be enough. Will have to sell the land too. Ok, fine. Not only the land of the town, but ALL the land: the Native land too. What?! Yes, it’s the tribe’s problem now, not the town’s: if Mukki doesn’t solve this problem, his TRIBE will lose EVERYTHING!

Act 3:

– Mukki walks toward his home with Mr. Fox and Alison. He meets Alani, the Powwow Princess, and gets disheartened. But she is all proud of him, for taking over a town and giving his people a new hope! She kisses him on the cheek shyly and scampers away. Alison takes note. Mr. Fox teases him. Mukki just sighs and walks into the building.

– The grandfather has heard all the Mr. Fox has had to say about the crisis, and is thoughtful. Mukki is all over the place: it’s terrible, it’s impossible, the whites are doing it to us all over! Alison stops him: it isn’t the whites, they gave you your land back! Yes, like they gave our forefathers cholera. (Oh you do listen.) We should give the land back. You really want to be an Indian giver? Whatever. Mukki is glad to hand over the problem to the grownups. But the grandfather turns to Mukki: what do you think, Mr. Mayor? This is your problem to solve. He resists. But finally turns to the grandfather and Mr. Fox: all right, advise me. Mr. Fox is quietly impressed at Mukki and the natives [here he changes his plans].

– Mr. Fox and Alison drive back into town. He can appreciate the sachem’s concerns: land is everything. Alison: Let’s just put a casino up, why don’t we? Mr F: Don’t tempt me. Tempt? Let’s get the figures from your mother. You know, I like Mukki. Alison rolls her eyes: he’s sweet enough, but he’s kind of an idiot. He lets her off at Jessie’s house. She is thoughtful about what her dad said. Outside the house, two little girls sit at a table with a sign: BAKE SALE, Save Our Town. She passes them and goes inside.

– Mukki is in a small tent that is super steamy. The grandfather gives Mukki pearls of wisdom as sweat drips down Mukki’s face and neck. He leaves Mukki to take it all in. Outside he encounters Mukki’s mom. What are you doing? Teaching him patience. We don’t do sweat lodges – that’s just the Plains Indians and some of the Western tribes. Yes, but he doesn’t know that. Mukki swelters.

[need scene of Mr. Fox coaching Mukki here, and trying to be a good “father” to him. maybe at first trying to get his way with the land, but realizing he likes Mukki and wants to save him and his people. Join with grandfather.]

– Alison enters a heated debate at Jessie’s house. They want to change the Thanksgiving show: maybe the whites weren’t so bad. Alison protests: you wrongly idolized them; the important thing about Thanksgiving is that people worked together. Yes, the Pilgrims were jerks, and they gave diseases, and they shot their helpers, and they swindled the tribes and set them against each other, and they took over all the land, but — silence. Well, okay, let’s just cut the show. But don’t cancel Mukki, he’s trying his hardest. We need to come together. But we’re all going to lose our homes! Can’t you stick to your principles for five minutes without cancelling someone?

– [Mr. Fox involved here?] The grandfather teaches Mukki about the history at Plimoth, and the years since. Different tribes squabbled too, this tribe took land from that tribe, we killed each other in our skulking way, but since the great apocalypse of European invasion they learned to work together. He explains what’s important, and what’s not. He coughs a little and needs to sit down. Mukki helps him. We’ve gotten by for years with a half an acre for the whole tribe. The land is sacred. But our life, our culture is more sacred. [if Mr. Fox there, leaves now, oh I have a meeting!] If you are strong and honor yourself in your tribe, then that is the only success needed. We’re still here. Now go forth. Mukki moves out, confidently, proudly. The grandfather comes out to see Mukki go – and a native from another tribe waits there, hat in hand. Grandfather looks at him curiously, but waves him in as he grabs his own chest in pain.

– The conservative group sit in their club and calmly discuss how to kill Mukki. It’s not right that the natives run the town, we stole it fair and square. Didn’t we? The town historian quibbles a bit, and says he’ll look at the historical record. Mr. Fox joins and tells them this: They discuss how it’s actually a great thing that the town doesn’t own the land anymore – no more property taxes! But they come up with a devious idea: if the town has to sell the land, who will they sell it to? To us, of course. We’re the only ones who can afford to buy it. But we have to be on Mukki’s good side. Don’t kill him then? No, best to wait and see how things go. They find out that Mukki has called a special Town Meeting in an hour.

– Everyone piles into the Town Hall, grumbling and voicing dire predictions. Alison comes in noticing.

– Inside the Town Hall, Elizabeth finishes telling the gathered town the state of affairs. (Mr. Fox off to the side consulting with the Historian. Nearby, his developer friends watch eagerly.) The townsfolk lament that their homes will be taken and everything gone. Mukki appears in the Town Meeting, in native dress, but appropriate to his tribe. He calmly takes them through his plan: we’ll all work together to get the town in order. We’ll work with the employees, the committees, we’ll work together. It’s stirring. People are electrified. He has almost won them over. Stirring.

But how will it work? I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Should we build a casino? Maybe. But Mr. Fox stands up with a critical point: we can default, but we have to make an initial payment to show good faith. How? Sell the land by the river. How? I’ll buy it. Everyone is stopped. Elizabeth and Alison are surprised – that’s their life savings. Mukki says, okay. Thank you. This is how the town can work together! Cheers, huzzahs. The conservatives rush forward to volunteer their money too. The Progressives step forward and offer their money too, at double the cost! The dam is burst and the town looks like it’s saved by the outpouring of generosity (or venality…). [Everyone congratulates Mukki, Alison hugs him.]

Mr. Fox watches, then secretly kicks the Town Counsel/Historian, who looks up irritably. The Historian slowly rises and painfully raises a point of order: by federal law, and for their own protection, native tribes are forbidden from selling their land. Ah, distress again.

[Later: Mr. Fox explains that the tribe isn’t federally recognized, so this is wrong.]

The plan is crushed. The crowd halts, lost. Their expressions change. And the crowd transforms into a mob. They rend their clothes and rush Mukki and try to tear him apart, but he escapes. Alison races out the main entry to race around to catch up to Mukki. Partly to distract the crowd from their murderous intentions, Mr. Fox rises to the podium next to his wife, and makes the microphone squeal, halting everyone. He calls for their attention. (Developers surprised.) Listen to me. I think I know how to save the town.

Act 4:

– Outside the Town Hall, Mukki runs out, exhausted, clothes torn, tears in his eyes. Alison comes up to him and directs him out of the public eye. She appeals to him to keep at it. What he’s trying to do is noble. We’ll figure out something. No, it’s impossible, and he’s unfit for it. He storms away, but she keeps up with him. They fight, she says how she supports him, that he’s grown. He doesn’t care. He’s a failure and he doesn’t deserve her attention. Off he goes.

– Alison reenters the Town Hall. People are coming out smiling, relieved. What could have happened? She goes up to her mother and asks about it. [show this rather than tell it? and have the developers in the benches get very disgruntled at Mr. Fox’s betrayal…] Mr. Fox had convinced the town to vote to take back the town upon themselves. They’d taken the vote. Alison correctly points out that that doesn’t matter: the tribe has to vote to give it back. We’ll talk about it with the natives, but the town anyway reached consensus (it’ll cost them less in the long run that buying up the land). The ominous developers convene menacingly.

– Mukki walks forlornly toward his home. He notices an ambulance out front and people gathered, including the Powwow Princess, looking sad. He picks up his pace and walks directly into the house. His mother takes his hand and leads him in. On the couch, his grandfather is in a sorry state, but alive. The mysterious stranger stands off to the side. Mukki kneels before his grandfather. Did you succeed? Mukki hesitates, and starts to explain the failure of the attempt. But grandfather waves him impatiently: did you succeed? Mukki stops, and smiles. Yes. The grandfather relaxes, at peace, and closes his eyes. He clasps Mukki’s hand strongly, proudly. Mukki rises slowly and a EMT moves in, caring for grandfather. Mukki steps back next to his mother. I’m proud of you my son. Thank you, ma. So is grandfather. I know. Mukki, this man needs to speak to you. Mukki turns to the mysterious stranger, curiously.

– The next morning, Alison wanders her home aimlessly, forlorn, as her mother brings potted flowers to her garden. How can you just work on your garden after what’s happened?! Her mother reassures her. Life goes on, etc. But Mukki must be wrecked! You like him, don’t you? She doesn’t answer. Her mother puts plants into the ground. Stop! Elizabeth smiles and insists: look to the land (Morman Utah land story). Alison suddenly has an epiphany. The land? Mr. Fox comes in, cheerily looking at a text on his phone. Alison walks right up to him. It was you all along. What? You knew this would happen. You did all this so you could get in on a casino – or get the town changed. You say that like it’s a bad thing. They fight, she upset at him. You destroyed Mukki! We’ve messed over the natives for centuries! What do you care? I love him! She catches herself. The doorbell rings. Alison has confused herself. It’s Mukki. Alison goes all quiet. Elizabeth appears. Mr. Fox opens the door. Awkward. Elizabeth welcomes Mukki and offers him a drink etc. warmly. He’s touched by her kindness and comes in. He declares that he knows for certain that Mr. Fox has deceived him, had a plan all along that was designed to destroy his tribe. Elizabeth is shocked and looks at Mr. Fox, who says nothing. Alison looks on, already knowing this. But Mukki conveys that a native developer told him the whole scheme, so don’t deny it. Alison, aligning with Mukki, tries to take his side, but Mukki accuses her of being on her dad’s side the whole time. Mr. Fox asks Mukki if the tribe was going to give the land back. They are considering it, but even if they keep it, they’ll never have dealings with Mr. Fox. That’s too bad. Mukki says he doesn’t care about the plan, but he trusted him, looked to him as a mentor, and he betrayed him. And you– he looks at Alison, who is crushed that he thinks this sadly of her. Mukki storms out. The family discusses the events. Alison again accuses Mr. Fox, but Eliz realizes what she’s saying and defends Mr. Fox – she realizes he couldn’t be guilty, and reveals the telling change. Mr. Fox nods in acknowledgment. I liked the kid. You mean–? Alison hugs her father, then runs out.

– Alison races after Mukki. A car is pulling up as she races away from the house. Some dangerous men (the developers) walk up the drive.

– Alison and Mukki fight some more, but she convinces him she loves him and that Mr. Fox is innocent, sort of.

– Back home, Mr. Fox is met by the disgruntled casino developers, upset at him for undermining the plan. The try to turn him around. The developers include a sleazy fatherly figure, and a women — the women Mr. Fox cheated with in Vegas. The fact of the cheating is doled out as a one-up, but Eliz says oh I know all about that, surprising both Mr. Fox and the woman. They threaten to kill Mr. Fox. Mukki races in, sees the attempt, and uses skulking techniques taught by grandfather and coordination techniques used by Mr. Fox to defeat the developers.

[note: put more setup of the developers earlier in the story]

[older version: too on the nose] Mr. Fox says he’s sorry he thinks that, but he really came around and tried to make it work out for him. How can Mukki believe that? , but whatever. Don’t you think you should thank me? Thank you? for what?! For making a man out of you. Ha! I’m no man. You brought the town together, that’s not something a mere boy could do. Yes, I brought them together against me. Details. I’m proud of you. Join the club. Alison is surprised at this response.

[Somewhere: Alison: you had no right to control him, deceive him! Mr. Fox: he’s like a son to me. Alison: you don’t own him!

Also: Mr. Fox’s plan was to create a retirement community that he owned, to fund his own retirement…]

– Mukki, Alison alongside the Powwow Princess, has to convince the tribe to vote to give the land back. He tries various personas again, uselessly. Then he just acts as himself. ALison whispers to him. He turns to them and makes a now proposal: they will retain their original land plus the disputed part of the town green. To this they agree. The Powwow Princess pouts (thought she’s get a fancy house?) and Alison sneers.

– The town reverts to its previous legal status and picks up where it left off – able to pay its debt. Mukki can retire. Mr. Fox lands on his feet anyway – he was rich to begin with!

– The Thanksgiving show goes on. The grandfather is in attendance, recovering. Mr. Fox and Eliz sit with him. There are other native tribes as well. The natives pooh pooh the show goodnaturedly. Maybe that’s how it should have happened, but it damn well isn’t what did happen. After the show, the Powwow Princess steps forward for Mukki, but he takes Alison’s hand (awkwardly?).

– The historian in agitation arrives to meet Mr. Fox. At Mukki and Alison’s bidding, but against Mr. Fox’s advice, the historian reveals the rest of the story:

– 1677 London: John Wompas on his death bed signs over the land to his tribe (but it’s a lie. Meh.)…

– It was a lie? How so? The historian summarizes: though the colonist’s had stolen the land from his tribe, his tribe had themselves stolen it from another tribe before that. And the deed had been transferred by John Wompam anyway, illegally. This negates the original transfer to his tribe! A native of the “real owners” gulps.

[Susan Arnout Smith]

Susan Arnout Smith’s Great Amazing Vision: I easily co-create with the Creator projects that are produced, win awards, heal hearts and bring me professional respect, financial abundance and time to explore the world with my family and friends.

What I learned from Lesson 6: Every lesson teaches me something. Even though all the pieces aren’t in place, I’m beginning to feel the ‘outline’ here of what this is, and know I just have to keep going step by step. My goal is never quitting.

Act I

Set-up: Queen unearths the prophesy and pays extra for a curse. (first scene between Queen and crone )

Reveal: Cantoria will die at the hands of a child—Esme! (1^St TP, as assassin delivers the prophesy before it dies)

Set up: Esme’s mother, Ilya, has power; she is revered and feared. (Even flowers bow down to her. Scene where Esme is lectured by her mother as she collects flowers)

Reveal: Ilya’s line might not continue! (Esme forced to apologize scene and is reminded by Gisselda’s mother that Ilya’s line might end with no heir)

Set up: A lowly peasant carrying cargo and a wounded woman (missing a soul fragment) is given permission to enter Cantoria’s protected island space. Some ‘markers’ are left on the path, placed secretly by the ‘peasant’.

Second part of the set up: This happens in Act II

Reveal: (Note: Reveal: this pays off Act II)

Set up: Esme knows her flowers, knows which ones offer teas, compresses for healing. (She collecting flowers as her mother lectures her.)

Reveal: She also knows which ones cause hives and other skin maladies!! (When she presents the flowers as an apology to Gisselda and her family they break out!)

Set up: Binders (female posse) prepare Ilya. But for what? (Scene when Esme talks Bodhi into taking care of the little kids so she can sneak into the Binder tent. We see the prep happening through Esme’s eyes, but at a distance from mother.)

Reveal: Esme’s mother is the Cantorian High Priestess!

Set up: Esme sneaks into Binder tent. Her mother looks comatose.

Reveal: Ilya can fly! Ilya sees and retrieves soul fragments! (Parts of a body that leave the body when a severe trauma occurs.)

Act II

Set up: Esme uses sophisticated techniques to break out of her protected confinement

Another part of set up: She tracks the ancient crone with devices (things that are out of reach for an almost 12-year old.)

Another part of set up: (When she’s sent to Outlier compound she disarms hidden devices casually.)

Reveal: Dad (John) is a former Navy Seal! He’s taught her stuff! (we learn this when we see things at the Outlier compound. And then when he teaches her new stuff.)

Set-up: Dad (John) was an inventor/scientist on Earth and tinkers here with a car in his Outlier Compound

Reveal: It’s not a car…it’s a spaceship! And it gets them out of there!

Set up: Bodhi’s experience taking care of the little kids is like herding cats. Brinn, Esme’s little sister, veers into protected boundary territory. .. Where she picks up the things that were left along the path by the peasant delivering what turned out to be the assassin. Only she can see them.

Reveal: Brinn’s ‘treasures’ unlock the path into Cantoria and Cantoria is invaded!

Act III:

Set up: In the spaceship, Esme gets an early birthday present, a necklace. (Note: This creates a very intense scene—she’s afraid it means her parents know something she doesn’t—that maybe she’ll be separated from her family.)

Reveal: Through the necklace, Esme sees glimpses of her former life. It’s the key that holds the answer to her questions.

Set up: Esme’s parents place a ‘cloak of forgetfulness’ over her and tell her that the more she remembers the more at risk she is.

Reveal: As ‘Rose’ remembers, we see that the risk to her increases.

Set up: The Queen creates an Avatar as a ‘place holder’…and then morphs into another form.

Reveal: When Esme wakes up in the US hospital, she meets Mary. We know it’s really the evil Queen who wishes her and Cantoria dead!

Set up: We meet Croom, Esme’s science teacher at the school for the homeless kids. He is funny, quirky, entertaining, and encourages ‘Rose’ (the name Esme gives herself), to break away from Mary and explore her world more.

Reveal: Oh no! Croom is a bad guy, (the triangle character), who knows exactly who ‘Rose’ is, and also knows that Mary is the Queen disguised! And Esme (Rose) has blocked Mary from ‘seeing her. Now Mary must urgently find Croom and save Grace. (Reveal at TP3)

Set up: Croom takes a group of kids on a night sky field trip. The group peels off (with another chaperone. Leaving ‘Rose’ alone with Croom.

Reveal: Croom reveals to Esme (Rose) where Cantoria is! She has memory bursts! And…she sees a sky crowded with soul fragments. (Earth is a shattered place filled with shattered souls). (Note): Croom is gloating. He is greedy and can make a lot of money out of Esme’s gift.

Note: This reveal ties into the Queen and what she wants: Mary is trying to get Esme to remember and take her (as Esme) back to Cantoria, where she can at last be killed. Croom wants to keep her here and enslave her, getting her to retrieve soul fragments that he then pulps into a potent ‘juice’ to keep rich clients looking young. So…going back to Cantoria with the Queen means death…staying on Earth means death (enslavement) by Croom. Nothing is safe.

Act IV Esme rights the world

Set up: (In Act II): Esme’s father, John, talks to Esme about his parents, farmers in a place called Nebraska on Earth. If she’s ever in trouble, find them; they’ll help her.

Reveal: (In Act IV): Esme discovers the grandparents have been killed and two imposters were installed to subdue Esme. She subdues them long enough to get away

Setup: (Act IV) Mary turns Croom’s evil ways on himself: she puts him in the ‘juicer’ to distill down his energy so that it’s pure evil.

Reveal: …(later in Act IV) So she can use it as an extra weapon to beat Esme!

Setup: (Act IV: Farm in Kansas). Esme discovers prototype her dad made, the first spaceship. It needs special power she doesn’t possess.

Reveal: (Act IV: spaceship) But she does have the special powers! They’ve been hidden in the necklace until Esme had gained the knowledge and is headed home. Esme powers the ship! Mary climbs in at the last second. She’s going with her. It’s too late to turn around.

Setup: The curse of the crone is circling back on the Queen.

Reveal: The farther they get into the airspace of the Queen’s kingdom and Cantoria, the more the façade of ‘Mary’ slips; the frightening changes reveal…it’s the Queen. The Queen has been with Esme all the time.

Setup: Bodhi, Esme’s childhood friend, now a leader in the Benders (who have gone underground as Cantoria was destroyed), comes to her aid.

Reveal: He’s been corrupted/bewitched by the Queen.

Setup: (Act I) Bodhi and Esme has a secret pact to be friends forever.

Reveal: (Act IV) Bodhi gets out from under the Queen’s power and leads the force with Esme to save Cantoria, which has been put under a speel.

Setup: The Queen swallows the ‘pure evil’ of Croom and it gives her extra power to defeat Esme.

Reveal: The pure evil actually brings the crone’s curse into reality: the power the Queen has always had is now corrupted. The Queen is forced to tell the ‘truth’. The Queen is Esme’s evil grandmother, sent from Cantoria because she used her High Priestess power for evil. She has vowed to kill of the line of High Priestesses and the work of Cantoria is famous for: healing. She’s been on killing good.

Set up: Knowing the ‘secret’ Esme is able to access the allies she’s gained, and her special knowledge.

Reveal: She brings the Queen and her kingdom down. It is neutralized and the land is finally freed of the Queen and her evil.

Resolution: Good triumps on Cantoria. Esme is installed as High Priestess and the kingdom restored. The mainland is joyous to be free from the yoke of the evil queen and Bodhi become the leader of the mainland kingdom. And they all…live in peace.

[Joaquin Gray]

Joaquin “Ibn Gray’s” Reveals!

My vision is to become an A plus screenplay writer, who’s writing is produces into extremely profitable movies that pay me well.

What I learned from doing this assignment is the time you spend prewriting will save you dafts.

4-Act Structure –

Act 1 PJS Opening, family rides across an open plain in 1863.

ACTION – Drives a two-horse wagon, remains quit, minding his business, pitches a campfire, fixes the wagon wheel with his son.

PJS – (added) Family is harassed before crossing the Texas border.

SETUP – A Native American is watching the family in the distance from the top of a horse.

ACTION – He presents papers of identification. He is short with three men on horses asking for papers. He allows his wife to speak while he sizes the men up. He signals for his wife not to raise her double barrel shot gun she is concealing. He reasons.

Family arrives to new house 1865

ACTION – looks at his family as they brisk fully walk to the front door. He exhales then removes his hat as he steps toward his family. He doesn’t go in the house. He walks around the perimeter

PJS – (added) Family is given a sly welcome to the neighborhood. Brewford Jr aims a rifle to scare them away.

ACTION – He walks around to see BJ pointing a rifle at two men on horses. He signals BJ to settle down. He reasons with the men.

REVEAL – BS and family are welcomed to the home by his brother-in-law who is the Native American.

AJS Clyde is in town speaking with the Sheriff then gets word a new family has arrived in town. Clyde sits to play the piano.

SETUP – Clyde receives a telegram.

ACTION – Clyde lights a cigar at the bar. Quietly walks to the piano Plays the piano aggressively yet beautifully. He instructs his men with whispers.

PJS – (added) Brewford, Brewford Jr and the Native American ride into town.

ACTION – BS surveys every building and every face from the top of his horse. Dismounts at the town store. Walks into the store with BJ. Hands him a bag allowing him to leave. .

AJS II: Clyde tells his men to go bring him the young boy, Brewford Jr.

ACTION – Watches BS and BJ ride into town while playing the piano. Motions to his man whispers in his ear. Grabs his continuing to play with one hand.

REVEAL – Clyde knows the Calvary is traveling spreading news about slavery ending but he wants to enslave every Black American in Texas.

PJS II: Son gets kid napped by local townsmen.

ACTION – Scrambles to find BJ almost a panic. Rushes in and out of buildings. Walks into the saloon.

TP: Brewford confronts Clyde about his son missing. Brewford sniffs out the lie Clyde tells.

Act 2 Reaction: PJS: Brewford attempts to attack Clyde but fails.

AJS Reaction: Calm cool and collected as his me handle the light work.

ACTION – Smokes a cigar, blows smoke in BS face.

SETUP – Clyde isn’t bothering the blacks walking free in the town.

PJS The plan: Go back to town a gather some troops.

ACTION – Gives a motivational speech.

AJS The plan: Returns to the plantation to train his horses.

REVEAL – Some of the black are his relatives.

ACTION – Arrives home goes straight to the horses. Admires the animals. Talks to BJ. Visits a slave.

PJS Turning point 2: While gathering troops Brewfords daughter is kidnapped.

ACTION – Chases men on horse. Fires a rifle.

SETUP – A glimpse of his skill with weapons. He teaches a few of the women.

AJS Turning point 2: Has a moment realizing what Brewford did, so he sends word to kidnap Brewfords daughter.

ACTION – Reads a book, hits the arm of his chair.

Act 3 PJS The Women of the town take Brewford to meet a few ex-soldiers.

SETUP – The ex- soldiers are buffalo

AJS Prepares to possibly be visited by Bewford.

SETUP – Clyde has a meeting with the sheriff and his mate.

ACTION – Polishes two knifes. Plays the piano.

PJS New Plan: The ex-soldiers agree to help Brewford rescue his children,

REVEAL – Some of their Children have been kidnapped also by Clyde.

ACTION – Trains with the town’s men. Prepares weapons.

PJS Mid-point: Before they leave to fight a few of their horses go missing.

ACTION – Pairs people to ride together. Organizes people to fight.

Act 4 PJS The women mount up and ride the men onto the plantation and fight alongside them.

REVEAL – The mothers know how to use weapons extremely well. They have a shootout.

AJS Clyde meets Brewford toe to toe for a fight.

ACTION – Fights BS with the knifes. Lowers them to the ground then squares off to box.

PJS Brewford and Clyde square off face to face, they fight and Brewford kills him. The children are let out of captivity by the women. The US Calvery rides into town declaring slavery against the law.

REVEAL – Clyde his detest for blacks. His childhood. The pain of his mental health.

ACTION – He squares off to have a bare-knuckle fight. BS body slams him. He chocks Clyde out killing him.

Joaquin “Ibn Gray”

[Jamie Handley]

Jamie Handley MOD 4 DAY 6

Because of a life rights bailout and waiting on one last copyright permission (now have) I had to reconstruct my entire script’s story. The concept is the same.

After an horrific accident, a woman shares her knowledge of medical negligence to her friends until she discovers the medical mafia and her closest friend is about to undergo a complex surgery by a surgeon who is connected to the mob.

WITHOUT RECOURSE “INSPIRED BY A TRUE STORY”

In order to get to the first draft, MOD 5, I will come back daily to do the lessons in MOD 4 (which I feel is very important) one day at a time. For now this is my rough outline.

ACT 1

Arizona 2020

Justine is royally pissed off at someone (Marsha) on the phone, screaming and we hear the conversation. She’s a real bitch.

Justine’s been caring for her dying mother for seven years, exhausted and has physical issues. She wears a full back brace. Her mother, Sarah, falls, becomes unconscious. Firemen and ambulance attend to her. The chaos and sirens stir an old memory of a horrific accident she had years ago that changed her life forever.

FLASHBACK

JUNE 1994 Lake Tahoe, Nevada

Justine is in a complicated relationship with Davidson Wentworth, a wealthy, good looking slick man. She is financially dependent on him with her floral shop. The shop is her life until her accident, is airflighted to a Reno Hospital. An ambulance chaser lawyer finds her in hospital, she’s tempted to sign but her associate at the shop, Gemma, squashes that. She’s bedridden for days, released from hospital, has Gemma to help her while Davidson out of town.

When he returns she has nothing nice to say. In fact she can’t stand him right now. He doesn’t want to get involved.

Weeks are spent between the shop, medical issues and legal meetings. She finds a local attorney in town, William Randell who she signs with until later he fails to show in court. Her case is thrown out of court. Justine turns into a real bitch again. Snappy and short tempered. Now she has to plead to Davidson for help, once again at his mercy. He offers his attorney, Donavon Pierce.

Gemma brings up how crooked Donavon is, heard he was part of a new mafia, the medical mafia (signs with him anyway) Gemma thinks Davidson is around waiting for his share of the money or make her sell the shop. Justine doesn’t believe either.

Tired of the pain, the pills, office visits, is advised by seven surgeons that she needs surgery except one, who she blows up at in his office, but soon after she succumbs. She calls a close friend, Jax, a renowned floral designer, for help with the shop but to no avail. Calls daughter, Gracie, who comes to Tahoe while she goes to…

Turning Point

California, where her mother, Sarah, lives and has the surgery, almost dies. As she heals, Donovan calls about the settlement offer, she refuses. Davidson intervenes, meets with Donovan, he has his ways with Justine. He’ll get her to agree. She returns to Tahoe, Gracie returns home.

Reunited, happy to see the shop doing well and Gemma, Gemma happens to bring “the medical mafia article” to the shop for Justine to see. It shows a photo of the two men involved. Justine is still in disbelief, thinks it’s all politics.

Conference – Justine meets with Davidson before the final settlement offer hearing. At the meeting it’s the “good-old-boys” (Judge Blankenship, Donovan and Davidson) who all went to school together.

She is pressured to take the final offer, by the Judge and Donovan. However, final payment could take months because she signed a LOP (Letter of Protection aka medical lien) with Donovan. They settle out of court, but something doesn’t feel right to Justine, but what?

Davidson and Justine attend a large party with A-list professionals, investors, doctors etc. When the Judge and Donovan arrive this causes a big problem with Justine. She soon learns that Davidson is an investor in companies she’s never heard about. Who is he really?

NOTE – HERE’S WHERE WE MEET THE BIG ROLLERS IN THE MAFIA

AT A PARTY; Davidson, Donovan, Lucas, Judge, Dr. Sherman (Jax & Marsha’s surgeon) Neil Watson (Insurance adjuster @ settlement & 2 other men), Edward Grant CEO of D.W.E. Services, Inc./ medical & legal services (Davidson is an investor) and other faces in the court case and places to come. Several people are attending but not known at this stage of Act 1.

That night Justine finds an enormous wad of cash, a check (stating referral fee) from Donovan to Davidson and confronts him. Referral for what? He won’t say. None of her fucking business. They have a row, (she doesn’t know him kind of fight) and decides to leave him, close the shop and move to Arizona where it’s warm and good for her body. And she does.

ACT 2

BACK TO SCENE

2020 The beginning of COVID in ARIZONA

Justine falls over the oxygen line of Sarah’s and breaks her hip. Justine fakes that she has no pain until it’s so bad she is unable to walk. She calls Gracie to come help with Sarah but she’s the one who needs help but would never admit it.

Gracie shows up, moves in, but brings her significant other, Nathan with her, without asking or letting anyone know. This is a big upset, for everyone, even for Sarah. Sarah confronts Gracie with a lecture, men, money, future and health.

Justine must have surgery, signs an AMA, (Against Medical Advise) and walks out of hospital day after surgery. Two days later Sarah dies. Justine is devastated and despondent. She receives insurance money that Sarah left for her. (Sarah no longer cares about money like she once did)

Jax comes to help Justine and Gracie. Jax demands Justine come back with him to San Diego and recoup. She packs and goes with him.

Turing Point 2

SAN DIEGO

Little by little Jax helps her come around; walks on beach, dinners. The two go out to Lips, a drag queen dinner show, where Jax, a real boozer, meets up with his lover, Lucas Pierce, a good looking lawyer.

She gets drunk. Lucas and Justine spar over the law, brings up her court case and the good-old-boys and mafia. Big difference of opinion, she doesn’t like him. Next day she returns home.

ARIZONA

NOTE: WORK ON THIS….Gracie has the house decorated with Christmas. It feels good to be home for the first time in a long time. Could things get to being normal?

Turning Point 2/Midpoint

NEVADA

Lucas calls Justine to notify that Jax was in an accident but not a bad one. They went to Las Vegas to party but he’s going to stay with his mother, Karlie, who has a good doctor and lawyer. He hits Ellis Kilpatrick, an FBI agent.

Jax needs Gracie to cover an important event for him.

NOTE: AT HOTEL, CONFERENCE WITH THE MEDICAL DEVICE MAKERS. We see a lot of the familiar faces of surgeons.

ARIZONA

Justine gets on the phone, preaches about doctors and lawyers in Nevada. She shares the story of a friend, Marsha, who lives in Vegas whose spine caved in after a surgery there. His name doesn’t come to mind. MONTAGE OR SERIES – Sharing the story of lifelong friend, Marsha.

NOTE: Surgery is with Dr. Sherman & Cohen. Marsha’s lawyer is Donald Wittman.

Justine has her monthly visit with her primary, Dr. T. She questions is knowledge of the medical mafia, is it real? Dr. T. evades the question. [ETHICS] She borrows a book (Danger Within Us) from him.

Gracie gets package from Lucas with all the arrangements for the San Diego event. Jax has her to sign a confidential document, (like the one they did in Hawaii at a very private affair). She pays no mind. Nathan is pissed. They argue, she’s about done with him.

Justine and Gracie go to airport. Gracie confides about Nathan with Justine. They go their separate ways.

ACT 3

NEVADA

Justine arrives in Nevada to see Jax. At the hospital, TWO men shake hands, (Lucas and Granger) another with his back turned (Dr. Taylor Sherman) as he talks with Dr. Cohen, and she walks by unnoticed. The men appear to be sales reps, impressively dressed, both with identical expensive briefcases.

Justine turns around, Lucas puts a large envelope in his case, she notices, they don’t see her. Door shuts and Lucas slithers away with briefcase.

As she enters room, Jax is drugged up good. Tries to ask question him, he’s out of it.

Dr. Sherman enters room with Dr. Cohen and Joseph Granger, both with documents in hand.

Sherman – “he’ll need surgery down the road”, introduces Dr. Cohen as he’ll be doing the surgery, but with no insurance that’s when Granger steps up with a LOP document. Justine interrupts, refers to Jax as her brother, takes documents and they’ll get back with them after discussing with mother. (Karlie)

Justine’s beyond pissed, “I told you do not have surgery, you are going to have to learn to live with pain, there are no recourses.” Jax drifts off until…

Nurse walks in hands Jax an envelope. Inside a get well note from Ellis Kilpatrick with his business card. (FBI investigator) Justine reads it, questions it and keeps it.

Act 3 Turning Point

ARIZONA

WEEKS LATER

Justine gets a call from Karlie. Jax has met with an attorney, Donald Wittman who has been persuaded Jax to have the surgery, refers him to see a Dr. Cohen, for a spine surgery that he doesn’t need. Justine is alarmed. How did Wittman get involved? Why? It puzzles her.

Justine calls Davidson, brings him up to date with Jax. “But why would a FBI Agent give his card?” She asks for his help since Donovan says he won’t. He’ll get back with her.

Later that night she gets out the mafia article and rereads it. Justine studies the photo of the TWO MEN (Wittman and Sherman) with Lucas in background. (We can’t make it out well but it is Dr. Sherman) Suddenly she gets worried and scared.

Gracie overhears the conversation, calls Davidson. They have a long conversation about Justine and helping Jax. Gracie explains the situation but Davidson already knows all about it. She asks him to visit mom but he can’t, he has an important meeting in the morning.

Justine starts looking on the computer for anything. She discovers a worldwide medical website, BECKER’S , that releases information on surgeons who are corrupt and have bilked millions of dollars in kickback schemes. She dumbfounded. This goes on for days as she prints out the articles for herself and to share with Davidson and Jax.

NEVADA

Davidson calls Donovan and sets up a meeting with Dr. Sherman and Lucas. Donovan knows something about Lucas and he can’t be trusted. He’s a heat-seeking homing missile. He’s getting greedy and he can do some real damage. They need to talk in private.

The four meet for lunch. Bits and pieces are shared about, Ellis, too many surgeries, money, prescriptions, and work load. Sherman is beyond capacity with surgeries. Grapevine has it there’s an investigation under hat.

Davidson and Donovan leave together, step away and talk in private. Their conversation is about getting immunity if they become a government witness.

NOTE: MARK JACOBSON, DEFENSE ATTORNEY, claims that should have been minor, like Jax, were becoming major. Treated usually treated with P.T. were undergoing drastic spine-fusion surgeries. Some insurers sent in their top lawyers. There is 80 billion in insurance fraud annually. They even held an unusual meeting more than a dozen D.A. attended. Grainger offers protection, no malpractice suits, even threatens associates. Expert witnesses don’t want involved with us. Grainger thinks he’s a fixer for us but he’s going cause some real problems. Patients all signed medical liens (LOP) RIGHT!

ARIZONA

Davidson comes to Arizona to see Justine. They go to dinner, Davidson gathers information (she gives him many of Becker’s articles and goes back to his hotel where she spends the night with him.

At the hotel Davidson takes out his DEA Investigator badge, puts on counter without thinking along with the Becker files. Justine looks for a file, finds badge and asks for explanations. He does his best but there is so much he cannot talk about.

Davidson asks her to come to Tahoe and stay, maybe even get some rest, saying how much has changed, including him. She becomes enraged, refuses his offer and walks out again. Same old shit. She should have known better.

ACT 4

NOTE- Davidson has been following the pill-mill since Justine’s accident. That’s why he let her go so easily.

ARIZONA

Justine is beside herself. Calls to check on Jax, but he’s not around. Phone rings, it’s Marsha’s brother, Mike. Marsha had another surgery, got a blood clot, they caught it in time but is now paralyzed from the waist down. She wants to end her life and Mike doesn’t know what to do.

She didn’t take your advice when you last spoke, remember, you were yelling! Ya, gotta come help her. Justine breaks down in tears.

NEVADA

Jax is calling, stops the conversation with Mike…gotta take this call, call you later.

Jax didn’t do the surgery. Mr. Kilpatrick shed the light on the investigation with Jax. Jax will be a star witness. He’s doing ok and going to p.t. like Justine told him. Lucas won’t talk to Jax and has shut the door on him. But, the p.t. is pretty fine!!!

ARIZONA

Justine and Gracie have a heart-to-heart. The confidentiality agreement from Jax was really his will, leaving his home to Justine and business to Gracie if he dies. Justine is giving Gracie money to rent a small store front for her business. Justine gets a certified letter. Davidson sends a copy of his indictment (he’s turned government witness in Jax’s case) along with a ticket to fly in to Tahoe.

NEVADA – TAHOE

Davidson picks her up at airport. He shows up in a pick-up truck, not a limo like he would normally have done. They drive up Mt. Rose highway to Tahoe but it’s not the same home. It’s totally different. It’s just a nice comfortable cabin.

Justine is totally confused and begins with all her questions. Davidson admits to her who he really is, just a man doing his job, had to play a role. He beings to explain everything and she stops him in his tracks. NOW WHAT??? Where do we go from here? How about Montana? I bought us 20 acres and we can build whatever kind of home you want.

Justine wants to save it for another day maybe another time. She calls Gemma and they meet for lunch and catch up on all the daily gossip. Justine grabs the newspaper and finds a small article where a Las Vegas Medical group and a dozens of surgeons and personal-injury lawyers were charged with fraud, conspiracy and witness tampering.

Gemma takes Justine to airport. She stops in Las Vegas where Mike picks her up. She goes to see Marsha. They reunite, tears fall, 50+ years of friendship isn’t going to stop Justine from seeing Marsha.

NEED ENDING SHOTS…SERIES OR MONTAGE. Come back to this.

THEN:

REAL SHOTS OF HEADLINES ONE BY ONE:

New York neurosurgeon indicted for unnecessary, invasive tests in kickback scheme

Texas spine surgeon sued by an insurer who alleged he performed medically unnecessary procedures to inflate personal injury claim. $1.1M in damages

Hospital, orthopedic surgeon share liability in $6.3M verdict

Chiropractor sentenced to 14 months in spine surgery kickback scheme

Olympic volleyball player permanently paralyzed from chest down with spinal surgery.

20 doctors under the government’s cross hairs.

NOTE: ATTACHED DOCUMENT FROM BECKERS’ January 2018 – August 2022 SENTENCING CONTINUES IN CALIFORNIA SPINE KICKBACK CASE: 6 developments in 4+ years. (15 year scheme $500 M in fraud bill & $40 million in kickback; Dr Capen $5M in kickbacks , Full pardon to Taustino Bernadett, MD sentenced to 15 months in prison in illegal kickback scheme )

Hundreds of patients harmed by surgeons, maybe thousands and thousands we haven’t discover yet.

Former Sanford Health neurosurgeon to pay $4.4.M to resolve kickback charges.Ndw trial required for Missouri neurosurgeon’s kickback case.

Medical Mafia makes $80 Billion Killing

[John Trimbach]

John T’s Reveal

Vision: to become a reliable box office success and entertain audiences all over the place.

What I learned doing this assignment is that reveals sometimes suggest other dramatic moments.

Phil – loner, building rage, clever, fearless, guilt-ridden

Ben – ambitious, risk taker, something to prove. Ethical.

Louise – conflicted, lovelorn, desperate, possessive, polite.

S – Setup. R – Reveal

Act 1:
Opening – Phil attends the b-day for his adopted niece, Megan, who lives down the street. Pilots Drew and Chet and Flight Attendants Rhonda, Louse and Georgia celebrate Megans’s new job as a flight attendant, a job Phil helped her get. Megan keeps hugging Phil. The flight attendants note this is kind of weird.

S14: Phil visits his wife’s grave. S18: Phil gets along with his shrink.

S2: Louise is a fragile female in need of TLC.

Phil attends to his rare coin collection,

S17. Phil burns his souffle.

becomes deeply disturbed. Sits alone in his living room, brooding, talking to himself. (Later we find out his wound is over the death of his wife.

S16: Phil helps a girl who’s being assaulted. R16: Bangers come looking for him.
S3: Phil practices knife skills for killing.

He feels guilty because he was unable to defend her from a violent attack. He constantly relives the memory of being unable to save her.

S15: Phil works under his car.

S8: Phil tries meditation.

Out for a walk on a downtown layover, Phil sees a pair of hoodlums assaulting a hooker. (Later revealed that her customer was a girl. ) Phil takes them out mercilessly. He knows martial arts and knife tactics. Leaves them both near death.

Inciting Incident – Two nights later Megan is knifed by an unknown masked attacker. [But where?] Phil finds her body, steps in her blood. Phil chases a burglar suspect in his neighborhood, loses him. [Is the suspect real or imagined? Is this retaliation for knifing the johns?]

Phil promises Megan’s mother that he will not rest until the killer is caught. He means it.

Turning Point 1: FBI agent Ben is put on the case as a chance to prove himself.

S4: Ben has big shoes to fill under the shadow of his father’s legacy.

He opens an investigation because Megan’s mom tells him the killer had out-of-state plates. Ben’s under the gun for failing to follow up with an important interview.

S20: Ben’s boss is an ass.

S6: We see mysterious FB’s re: a boy being abused, made to dress up in women’s clothing..

He lives under the shadow of his father’s legacy, a by-the-book veteran. Ben interviews Phil. Phil is tight-lipped.

The chief pilot observes how despondent Phil is, gives him some time off.
We see Phil having an attentive conversation with someone at a cozy restaurant booth.

S1: Phil broods and has conversations with his dead wife.

But as we pan to the side, we see that no one’s there. The waitress looks concerned. Has Phil lost it?

Act 2

Phil goes back to work, on his regular flight route, greeted by FA’s Rhonda, Louise, and Georgia, all of whom express their sympathy and try to cheer him up on a layover. Louise expresses to the FA’s how much she would like to have a relationship with Phil.

On the same trip. Phil scolds his co-pilot.

S11: Phil embarrasses Rhonda.
S13. Louise gets hit on by another woman. R13: Louise rebuffs her –hidden agenda.

On the layover party, he meets a flight attendant from another airline and has a drink with her. She’s a therapist there to help him. Louise appears jealous, downs several.

S19: Louise tells everyone her bladder is about to burst, runs to the bathroom.

S21: Louis tells everyone that when she pees, it sounds like Niagara Falls.

R19: She sounds like a guy peeing. R21: Cause she stands up.

Phil takes an advanced course in assault tactics using knives.

R15: While working on his car, a killer tries to knock out the jack. Phil gives chase, loses him.

Ben struggles to pass his FBI fitness test. Not the athletic type. He also barely passes his shooting accuracy test.

Midpoint Turning Point – Phil stands over the body of the same FA he had a drink with from a different airline in her hotel room, the door left ajar. Murdered the same way as Megan, repeatedly stabbed. Phil picks up, drops the murder weapon, a knife.

Phil is questioned by the police and later by FBI agent Ben – now considers Phil the prime suspect.

Phil finds out the suspect he chased after Megan’s murder was caught and released. He is angered by this.

Phil is puzzled by a similar murder so soon after Megan’s death. Finds similarities. He makes a file analyzing the two murders.

The waitress asks if it helps. Phil nods, says yes.

S5: Phil keeps a detailed file on the killings.

Phil suspects that Agent Ben is tapping his phone, misinterpreting his answers over the phone. and his inconsistent answers to his earlier questions. Ben comes to Phil’s house. Phil slips out the back. Phil decides to do his own investigation.

Phil checks into a hotel with Louise.

S10. Louise primps a lot.

With her help [she secretly fetches his clothes], goes on another weekly trip with the same group of flight attendants. Phil snubs Louise’s advances – he’s not ready for another relationship. Louise is stunned, but undaunted.

While on a trip, Phil’s home is searched by Ben and his partner, Ned. They have a limited search warrant but Ned improperly finds Phil’s file. finds Phil’s file, full of details of the murders. Ben is compelled not to use it.

Plan in action – Using remote viewing, Phil figures out the killer’s MO and where the next murder is likely to take place.

R8: Phil sees the next murder while meditating.

S22: Phil has a vision of a scorpion behind an ear.

Ben gets chewed out by his supervisor for how he handles the search warrant.

S9: Ben suspects his boss is dirty.

Based on Phil’s file, Ben flies to the city that Phil has marked on the map and the hotel Phil has circled. [Is this the layover hotel or a different one.]

Act 3:
Turning Point: Huge failure / Major shift –
Another layover murder – it’s Phil’s therapist. The killer must be an airline person. Phil receives an anonymous message to check on her. Enters the room just after the murder.

Ben looks for Phil. Tipped off by Louise, Phil goes underground. Ben almost catches Phil on the run. Ben is out of shape. Later, Louise helps Phill elude Ben.

– Phil decides he must vindicate himself by solving the murders and clear his name. He practices his knife moves.

Flashback: An unidentified boy is abused by his father, made to dress up like a girl. Who is the boy?

R11: Rhonda rats out Phil to Ben.

Rhonda discovers evidence that implicates Phil, rats him out to Ben. Now Ben is ready to pounce.

Act 4:
Climax/Ultimate expression of the conflict –
Shaken by the killings, Phil seeks the comfort of Louise and her friend, Tammy. Tammy is taken up with Phil talks about hooking up with him. Louise scowls.

S12: Phil races to the murder scene.
R12: Phil bumps into Louise there.
(Note: Which is it?)
Phil drives to the friend Tammy’s apartment. Phil shows up, sees the friend tied up. Tipped off by Rhonda, Agent Ben races to Tammy’s apartment.

R6: The FB’s are a boy’s horrors – but who’s? (Lewis)

Ben shoots Phil thinking he’s the killer . The masked killer stabs Ben. Phil charges, wig and mask fall off – it’s Louise aka Lewis. He is shocked but Lewis tries to explain that he loves him. “I would die for you.”

R2. She’s a he, and he’s the killer.

R1: He’s not insane – talking with his wife was the technique his shrink advised him to use while grieving.

R3: Phil uses his learned knife skills the ones so that he would never be defenseless as when his wife was stabbed to death.
R10: Louise has a package.
R22: Phil sees the scorpion tattoo behind Louise’s ear.

Phil musters all his energy, charges Lewis . They both go over the edge. Phil lands on the lower floor balcony, hanging on for dear life. Same for Lewis – he tells Phil he killed the girls so they could be together. Phil uses a newly learned knife move, stabs Lewis’ hand, kicks him off the rail. Lewis falls to his death.

Resolution – we now see the boy forced to dress up like a girl that we thought was Phil or Ben was really Lewis.

R4: Ben is credited with solving the crime and saving Phil’s life.

Phil visits Ben in the hospital. Ben is healed, so he leaves with an important task to do

R9: Ben arrests his boss.
R20: Ben reads him his rights.

Ben gets promoted.

P5: Phil was compiling a file to catch the killer.
S7: Phil’s shrink helps him so he doesn’t need her anymore. She suggests a dinner date. He says no.
R18: Doorbell rings – it’s his date – her.

P14. Phil visits his wife’s grave says goodbye to her. R17: Phil perfects his souffle.

Phil dines in the same restaurant as before, having a conversation – his dead wife?

R7: No, with his now retired therapist.

Ben gets promoted., rewards Phil for his bravery.

Phil says goodbye to his wife. Phil has learned to appreciate life. Ready for a new relationship.