Day 6 Assignments

[Erica Miner]

Erica Miner Character Intros

What I learned doing this assignment is…

I thought I had the character introduction/description nailed. I found out there was so much work needed to make her stand out. And the other characters as well.

1. List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.

Character #1: Julia

1. Julia Kogan, young, ingenuous, starry-eyed, stares in wonder at New York’s musical mecca, Lincoln Center.

2. A violin case under her arm is labeled “Metropolitan Opera Orchestra Member”, though she looks young enough to be a student.

3. Julia comes across a downtrodden Street Violinist. Sympathetic, she gives him some money, for which he is grateful.

4. Julia’s excitement bubbles over as she gazes at a poster announcing that evening’s performance.

5. She checks her reflection in the window, making sure her concert attire is impeccable.

6. She can’t believe she’s there.

2. Select a different type of introduction from this list below

Types of Introductions:

1) *Action shows primary traits.

She takes out her violin and plays along in virtuoso manner with the Street Violinist

How would other characters react to my lead when they are acting extreme?

Passersby stop, stare, and listen, bemused, impressed, astonished, regale the players with bills. The S.V.’s eyes shine at Julia.

How can I build this character’s reputation?

The above shows:

– Other character’s reaction to this character.

– Builds the Character’s reputation.

3. Write out the beats for each NEW character introduction. Make sure it delivers as much character as possible through the initial action, initial lines of dialogue, initial description and the situation you place the character in.

New Beats:

1. Julia Kogan, young, ingenuous, stares in wide-eyed wonder at New York’s musical mecca, Lincoln Center. (Action shows primary traits.)

2. Gleefully taking in every detail surrounding her, she does a little dance of jubilation, holding tight to the violin case under her arm. Passersby stare. (Other character’s reaction to this character.)

3. The violin case is labeled “Metropolitan Opera Orchestra Member”, though she looks young enough to be a student. (Build the Character’s reputation.)

4. Julia comes across a downtrodden Street Violinist. She opens her violin case, takes out the instrument and bow, and plays along with the Street Violinist. (Situation demands the character.)

5. Passersby stop, stare, and listen, bemused, impressed, astonished, regale the players with bills. (Other character’s reaction to this character.)

6. Julia scoops up the money, places it in the S.V.’s violin case. His eyes shine at her. (Other character’s reaction to this character.)

7. Julia carefully returns her instrument to the case, skips gleefully through the Plaza. Action shows primary traits.

8. Her excitement bubbles over as she gazes at a poster announcing that evening’s performance. (Action shows primary traits.)

9. She checks her reflection in the glass, impeccably smooths out her concert attire. (Action shows primary traits.)

10. ‘I can’t believe I’m here! (Initial dialogue.)

4. Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.

New scene, first character (Julia, protagonist):

FADE IN:

UNDER CREDITS:

EXT. NEW YORK CITY/LINCOLN PLAZA – EVENING

C.U. on a young woman’s face, alight with wonder.

JULIA KOGAN, early 20s, ingenuous, stares wide-eyed at New York’s musical mecca, Lincoln Center. Backing up, the camera shows her pivot around, gleefully taking in every detail:

The signature FOUNTAIN shooting sparkling jets into the night air…

Three stately concert halls, anchored in the middle by the magnificent METROPOLITAN OPERA HOUSE, its monumental 40-foot Chagall murals gleaming through massive plate glass windows…

Crowds of PATRONS, elegant in their evening finery: tuxedos and designer gowns, jewels glittering.

Julia does a little dance of jubilation, holding tight to the violin case under her arm. Passersby stare. It doesn’t bother her in the least.

The violin case labeled “Metropolitan Opera Orchestra Member” belies her youthful appearance.

Julia zigzags through the Plaza, comes across a downtrodden Street Violinist, his violin case open but largely empty. She opens her violin case, takes out her instrument and bow, plays exuberantly along with him.

Passersby stop, gawk, and listen, bemused, impressed, astonished. They regale the players with bills.

Julia smiles triumphantly. She scoops up the money, places it all in the S.V.’s violin case, now overflowing. His eyes shine at her.

Julia carefully returns her instrument to its case, skips gleefully through the Plaza. More stares. She’s loving it.

At the opera house entrance, Julia stops to gaze at a 10-foot glass-enclosed POSTER: “METROPOLITAN OPERA OPENING NIGHT GALA PERFORMANCE. ‘DON CARLO‘ by GIUSEPPE VERDI, conducted by ABEL TRUDEAU — SOLD OUT.”

Her excitement bubbles over. She checks her reflection in the glass, impeccably smooths out her black concert attire.

JULIA
I can’t believe I’m here!

It’s real after all. She hurries into the opera house.

1. List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.

Character #2: Sidney

Beats:

1. Sidney Richter, late 40s, “wild man” looks, rushes by Julia at the Stage Door Security Station.

2. The Security Guard buzzes Sidney through the gate, barely checking Sidney’s ID.

3. Julia complains. Sidney tells her she’s just a newbie and will get preferential treatment after a couple of decades.

4. She pouts. He affectionately tells her he loves her youthful ingenuousness, values her musical talent, and will always have her back.

5. Sidney is pleased when Julia calls him the big brother she never had.

6. He vows she will always be able to trust him.

7. Sidney and Julia promise each other Solidarity forever.

8. He dashes out of sight.

2. Select a different type of introduction from this list below

Types of Introductions
1) Action shows primary traits. *
2) Other character’s reaction to this character. *
3) Build the Character’s reputation. *
4) Character philosophy
5) Situation demands the character.*
6) The reveal opening.

1) Action shows primary traits. *

Sidney rushes past Julia, jostles her, practically making her drop her violin case, doesn’t stop to apologize.

How would other characters react to my second lead character when they are acting extreme?

Julia, outraged, yells at him for being inconsiderate.

The above shows:

– Action shows primary traits

– How other characters react

– Builds the Character’s reputation

3. Write out the beats for each NEW character introduction. Make sure it delivers as much character as possible through the initial action, initial lines of dialogue, initial description and the situation you place the character in.

New Beats:

1. Sidney Richter, late 40s, “wild man” looks, gets annoyed stares as he pushes through the crowd of other Musicians waiting to get through the Security Guard checkpoint at the Stage Door.

2. In his rush, Sidney jostles Julia, practically making her drop her violin case.

3. The Security Guard buzzes Sidney through the gate with a wave and no check of Sidney’s ID.

4. When Sidney doesn’t stop to apologize, Julia yells at him: ‘Hey! Where are your manners?’

5. Julia pouts. She asks the Security Guard why Sidney gets in with a mere wave.

6. Sidney stops, wheels around, regards Julia with affection and apologizes properly. She relents.

7. He affectionately tells Julia how much he loves her youthful ingenuousness and values her

musical talent. He promises to always have her back, inside or outside of the orchestra.

8. He vows she will always be able to trust him and is pleased when Julia calls him the big

brother she never had.

9. Sidney and Julia promise each other Solidarity forever.

10. He dashes out of sight.

4. Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.

New scene:

INT. OPERA HOUSE/ARTISTS ENTRANCE

A bustling, windowless space. Switchboard, upholstered chairs scattered about, Security checkpoint with waist-high barrier gate manned by a SECURITY GUARD.

MUSICIANS with instrument cases crowd the checkpoint, waiting impatiently to pass through.

Julia stands closest to the SECURITY GUARD, fishes in her purse for her photo ID, can’t find it. Other Musicians glare at her, annoyed.

SIDNEY RICHTER, late 40s, wire-rimmed glasses, curly graying “wild man” hair, pushes through the mob of Musicians to get to the gate. He rushes by Julia, jostling her roughly, not stopping to apologize. Practically makes her drops her violin case. She glowers at Sidney.

JULIA

Hey! Where are your manners?

Sidney hurriedly waves his ID at the Security Guard, who buzzes Sidney in without checking. Julia gawks at Sidney, frowns at the Guard.

JULIA
How come Sidney gets in with a mere wave?

Hearing her complaint, Sidney wheels around.

SIDNEY
I’m a veteran of this venerable establishment, Julia. You’re just a kid, a newbie.

Give it a couple of decades.

JULIA
Hey. I’m not a kid. And where’s my apology?

He regards her with affection.

SIDNEY
I duly apologize. But to me you’ll always be a kid.

It’s what I love about you.

Her anger softens. They exchange fond looks, holding for a long beat.

SIDNEY
You’re still the best thing that’s happened to this orchestra in years.

Word of honor. And I stand by it.

JULIA
Stop it. You’re making me blush.

SIDNEY
You know I’ll always have your back, right? In and out of this orchestra.

JULIA
I know. The big brother I never had.

SIDNEY
The one you can always trust.

He gives her shoulder an affectionate squeeze.

SIDNEY
Solidarity forever?

JULIA
Solidarity forever.

He dashes out of sight. Julia finally manages to dig up her ID. She shows it to the Guard, who buzzes her in.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Erica Miner.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by  Erica Miner.

[Alan Larson]

Assignment Day 6 – Critique of Erica’s Character Beats

Hi, Erica,

Crushed it again. I absolutely love the new introduction scene for Julia. Terrific job.

On the new Sidney scene, I think tweaking the dialogue between Julia and Sidney a bit might strengthen the scene. They obviously have practiced together before opening night, but it’s not clear through the scene that this isn’t their first interaction … or maybe it is.

Either way, I’d tweak this dialogue:

SIDNEY
You’re still the best thing that’s happened to this orchestra in years. Word of honor. And I stand by it.

SIDNEY

Haven’t had a chance to tell you this yet, but you’re the best thing…

Minor suggestions:

C.U. on a young woman’s face, alight with wonder.

– I’ve been told that giving camera directions in Spec Scripts is frowned on. You could simply write:

A young woman’s face gleams, alight with wonder.

Backing up, the camera shows her pivot around, …

– Same point.

She pivots around, …

Overall, great work!

– alan

[Patricia Semler]

PAT’S CHARACTER INTROS

What I learned doing this assignment is to try on different aspects like trying on clothes. Something better may come out of the exercise. And resistance is futile once permission to play is extended.

Monica Cassidy

Beats

Monica vents her frustrations with Rosemary by incorporating her antics into her ads.

The opening scene is one of Monica’s ads, featuring Rosemary Cassidy as a widow hiding from a burglar behind a riot stick.

COLIN (V.O.)

Wait. What? A riot stick?

INT. MONICA’S CAR – DAY

Behind the wheel, MONICA CASSIDY (32)drives with controlled urgency in and out of moderate traffic. The set of her jaw would warn anyone that to cut her off is a death wish.

A quick down shift and last second turn puts her off the main road and into a high class residential area.

MONICA

Okay, so how about a baseball bat?

COLIN (V.O.)

That works. I worry about you, Mo.

MONICA

Please. She has a collection. Just last week she beat a wandering trash bag to death.

Houses drift further apart behind wide lawns and fancy fences. Monica slows, leaning in over the wheel.

MONICA

Oh my God.

COLIN (V.O.)

What?

Her speed drops to a crawl as she approaches a gate. 2 cop cars, fire trucks and EMT bus wait just outside, lights flashing. Men poke at the key card box.

MONICA

The Fifth Cavalry is here. Got’ta go.

COLIN (V.O.)

Give the diva my love.

EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – GATE – DAY

Monica makes her way through the crowd, nods at familiar faces, a professional calm hiding her annoyance. OFFICER WARREN waits at the box.

MONICA

Officer Warren. I’m sorry for the trouble.

WARREN

This is the fifth time this month and we’re only eight days in.

MONICA

Well, I did ask you to Baker Act her ass.

INT. MOM’S HOUSE – BASEMENT – DAY

Concrete walls, washing machine and dryer tucked into a corner beside a stand alone steel bunker.

Monica leads Warren down the main steps to the door, yanks on the handle. It’s locked. Bangs on the door.

MONICA

Mother!

ROSEMARY (O.S.)

Oh, Monica. Someone tried to break in through the garden hatch.

Warren detours to the near-horizontal barn door at the top of 3 steps at the far end of the basement. He examines the lock, picks up a heavy duty glue bottle, returns to Monica.

WARREN

She epoxied the lock. You’ll have to cut it out.

MONICA

Where did? Never mind. Come on out, Mom and we’ll show you the coast is clear. And don’t play with the tumblers.

After a moment, the lock clicks. Monica lends a hand to open it on well-oiled hinges. ROSEMARY (60s) petite and dressed in her best Martha Stewart ensemble exits, fanning herself.

ROSEMARY

Mercy, I was about to suffocate. Officer Warren, so nice to see you again.

MONICA

Upstairs, lady. Now.

INT./EXT. – BACK PATIO – DAY

Rosemary stays at the kitchen door. Monica and Warren drag up a broken tree limb, drop it.

MONICA

There’s your burglar. You’re supposed to call Sam not the cops.

ROSEMARY

Uh, Sam. The man is useless.

EXT. MOM’S HOUSE – GATE – DAY

Monica walks Warren back to his car. The other vehicles have left. She juggles her car keys.

WARREN

If this keeps happening the chief could choose to cite you.

MONICA

I could use the vacation. Wait. Tell you what. We have plenty of room and she likes you. Move in. This way you can stop her nonsense before she hits 911. I wouldn’t even charge you rent.

Warren squints at her, alarmed that she’s dead serious. He takes a moment then shakes his head no.

[Alan Larson]

ASSIGNMENT – DAY 6

Subject line: Alan’s Character Intros

What I learned doing this assignment is…I need to improve all of my character introductions.

1. List the beats of your current character introductions for the lead characters.

JAY CROCKETT – HERO

Before taking your Thriller class last month, Jay’s intro scene was him having a boring dinner with his favorite sister.

ERIN RAYNOR – VICTIM/HEROINE

Erin unknowingly drinks in a bar with the main villain.

2. Select a different type of introduction from this list below for each character.

Types of Introductions
1) Action shows primary traits.
2) Other character’s reaction to this character.
3) Build the Character’s reputation.
4) Character philosophy
5) Situation demands the character.
6) The reveal opening.

JAY CROCKETT – HERO

6) The reveal opening.

ERIN RAYNOR – VICTIM/HEROINE

2) & 3) Other character’s reaction & Build reputation.

3. Write out the beats for each NEW character introduction. Make sure it delivers as much character as possible through the initial action, initial lines of dialogue, initial description and the situation you place the character in.

JAY CROCKETT – HERO

6) The reveal opening (and it’s also a Deception):

– A sketch of Jay’s likeness prints out on a Wanted Poster at a restaurant.

– The sketch morphs into Jay’s face.

– Jay eats dinner with a woman that appears to be having an affair with him.

ERIN RAYNOR – VICTIM/HEROINE

2) & 3) Other character’s reaction & Build reputation:

Erin unknowingly drinks with the villain at a bar.

The villain compliments Erin on her fluency in Mandarin.

The villain roofies Erin.

4. Write a scene that introduces at least one of those characters using the results from #2 and #3.

INT. HIGHLAND TAVERN – NIGHT

Warm brick walls. Nearly empty.

Rolex Guy and a young woman are seated next to each other at the hardwood bar.

Bartender sets an appletini in front of her, ERIN RAYNER (25), a bright, attractive, pale-white-skinned brunette. Seated on a round backless bar stool, she wears a tan sweater and blue jeans.

ROLEX GUY (impressed)

Wow. Fluent in Mandarin and French. Quite impressive.

Rolex Guy slips a silver packet from his suit pocket. He holds the packet under the bar, rips it open and pours the white powder into his left hand.

Rolex Guy nudges Erin and points at the TV with his right hand. Erin gazes up at the TV.

Rolex Guy dumps the white powder into Erin’s green appletini.

[Erica Miner]

HI Alan,

Great job. I daresay we all needed to improve our character intros, and I see a great difference here from your originals.

I like showing the sketch of Jay on the Wanted Poster at the restaurant. So much clearer and more interesting. I will be curious to see how you show in the script that Jay and ‘a woman’ seem to be having an affair 😉

Just IMHO (suggestion only), I don’t think you need to put (impressed) after Rolex Guy’s character name if you have ‘You’re quite impressive’ in his dialogue.

Everything else: great. I can’t wait to read more.

Erica