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Day 7 Assignment
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[PS81] DAY 7: Applying Plot and Character Arc to Your Outline
Lisa’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…that I have a lot of work to do to flush out my story and add several more scenes.
1. LOGLINE: When Santa is kidnapped and ends up in Seneca Falls, NY, a super mom must save him, and the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival.
2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #14. Love – The key to a great love story is the obstacle. The characters want the love, but can’t have it for some reason…at least, not right away. The lovers are ill-suited in some way — different social classes, aren’t physically equal, or some other reason they “shouldn’t be together.” Success doesn’t come easily. Love must be proven by dedication and stick-to-it-iveness. Your characters should be appealing and convincing. Usually, one lover is more aggressive at seeking the love than the other. The aggressive partner is the seeker, who completes the majority of the action, while the passive partner (who may want it just as much) waits for the other to overcome the obstacles. Take your characters through the full ordeal of love. They must be tested and prove they deserve the love they seek. Love is earned, not a gift.
3. STRUCTURE:
Opening: Mary saves a man from drowning, shows us that she is a busy mom of two daughters and a miniature dachshund. She is organizing the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival. Also, Mary works at the local winery with her boss, Joe. We feel the physical tension between them. Mary’s ex-husband is out of regular work as a snowmobile repair man because it hasn’t snowed in 3 years.
Inciting Incident: Mary backs away from playing “Mary Bailey” this year. Mary’s children having trouble watching the NORAD site where Santa’s movements are tracked leading up to Christmas. Santa is gone! Two men have kidnapped Santa at the north pole and are heading for Seneca Falls, NY and the IAWL festival.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: The audience knows that Mary is a bad ass volunteer firefighter. They know that she is torn between two loves. The audience knows that Santa is missing at the same time the town gets ready for the IAWL festival.
Turning point at end of Act 1: Mary doesn’t know where Peter is. Joe is pressuring her to move their relationship to the next level.
Mid-Point: Mary is very worried because she can’t get in touch with Peter. She’s afraid he may try hurt himself again. But she must worry about the festival too.
Turning point at end of Act 2: Mary can’t find Peter, so she goes to the police station, but the police don’t believe that he has kidnapped Santa and they laugh at her.
Climax: Mary, dressed as Santa, trades places with the real Santa and thwarts Peter’s plan. Peter is getting arrested, but Santa says he won’t press charges and for them to let Peter go.
Resolution: Christmas day in court, Peter is there to turn himself in for the child support charge. The townspeople come with the money they made from the festival and give it to Peter to pay his debt. He won’t accept it. But they tell him they have found a sponsor who will pay for the next year’s festival, and they want him to have it because he’s done so much for all of them.
4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC
Mary goes from pushing people away when they get close to opening for the possibly of love.
Part to be changed: Mary pushes people away when they get too close.
Biggest fear: Being alone forever and not being a success.
Completion of arc: Mary learns who she can trust and gives in to love.
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening: Mary saves a man from drowning, shows us that she is a busy mom of two daughters and a miniature dachshund. She is organizing the annual It’s a Wonderful Life festival. Also, Mary works at the local winery with her boss, Joe. We feel the physical tension between them. Mary’s ex-husband is out of regular work as a snowmobile repair man because it hasn’t snowed in 3 years.
1. EXT. GEORGE BAILEY BRIDGE – NIGHT
Mary and her partner come across a man on George Bailey bridge at night in the pouring rain in their firetruck and Mary sees it’s her ex-husband, Peter. Peter is crying and is up on the railing. Mary hates heights, but she ends up saving Peter then lays into him about what he was trying to do.
2. INT-KITCHEN-DAY
Mary’s kitchen is full of Christmas goodies for the it’s a Wonderful Life festival. She calls for Uncle Billy to come eat. When she turns around to call again, Uncle Billy, a miniature dachshund, is sitting behind her with his head cocked. He goes over to his bowl and eats.
3. INT-BEDROOM-DAY
Ruthie is in her bedroom looking at the NORAD site on her computer. Her mom calls for her and she yells back that the computer is broken. She closes it and runs downstairs.
4. INT-SUV-DAY
Ruthie and Janie ask about their father on the way to school.
5. INT-COURTROOM-DAY
Judge admonishes Peter for not being able to pay back child support. Peter is on hard times because there hasn’t been any snow and he’s a snowmobile repair man. Judge will send him to jail on Christmas day if he doesn’t come up with the money.
6. INT-HALLWAY-DAY
Mary and Peter discuss their girls outside the court room. Mary tells him he knows the girls love him. Peter and his girlfriend, Tilly discuss how Santa gets down the chimney. Peter has an idea.
7. INT-SENECA FALLS WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary works with Angel, her best friend and they discuss what happened at the courthouse and Joe, their boss. Joe asks Mary out and she declines.
8. EXT-OUTSIDE OFFICE-DAY
Joe expresses his love for Mary. Joe gives Mary a raise because of the situation with Peter.
9. EXT-NORTH POLE-DAY
Peter and Tilly kidnap Santa on snowmobiles.
10. INT-CONTROL ROOM-DAY
At NORAD HQ, Santa starts to move on the giant screen. It’s too early. Dash and Don are assigned to go find Santa.
11. EXT-FOREST-DAY
Snowmobiles catch some air. Snow is starting to thin. They continue on foot with blindfolded Santa in tow.
12. EXT-ROAD-DAY
Dash and Don are trying to track Santa’s signal.
13. INT-WINERY OFFICE-DAY
Mary tells Angel that she’s not going to play “Mary Bailey” this year. She says she will push for Angel to play her.
14. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Main street is all lit up with lights and decorations. A sign reads ‘Wonderful Life Meeting Tonight – All Are Welcome!’
15. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-NIGHT
Mary and Angel discuss how good Joe is with the girls as they watch them together. Introduction of other townspeople. After the meeting, Joe tries to give Mary her Christmas present early, but she won’t take it.
Inciting Incident: Mary backs away from playing “Mary Bailey” this year. Mary’s children having trouble watching the NORAD site where Santa’s movements are tracked leading up to Christmas. Santa is gone! Someone has kidnapped Santa at the north pole and are heading for Seneca Falls, NY and the IAWL festival.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: The audience knows that Mary is a bad ass volunteer firefighter. They know that she is torn between two loves. The audience knows that Santa is missing at the same time the town gets ready for the IAWL festival.
16. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-NIGHT
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run alongside a slow-moving freight train. They get into the train car, and it starts to go faster.
17. EXT-CANADIAN ROAD-NIGHT
Dash and Don track the Santa signal and realize they are moving faster than snowmobiles.
18. INT-LIVING ROOM-DAY
Ruthie tells Mary something is wrong with the laptop because it’s not following Santa. Out the window, it’s snowing!
19. EXT-TRAIN TRACKS-DAY
Peter, Tilly, and Santa run into the woods.
20. INT-CAR-DAY
Dash and Don are still in Canada and realize the signal has stopped in Seneca Falls, NY. Border guards stop them and laugh that they are chasing Santa.
21. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Main Street is full of people there for the festival. Ernie is passing out chestnuts in front of the Clarence Hotel. There’s a line outside of ZuZu’s Café. A group of scavenger hunters are leaving the community center.
22. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
On the outskirts of town, Peter unlocks the door and he, Tilly, and Santa go inside.
23. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter finds tracking device on Santa. Peter interrogates Santa on how he gets down the chimneys. Santa won’t say.
24. EXT-FRONT YARD-DAY
Ruthie and Janie are playing in the yard in the snow. Uncle Billy is running around barking at them. Joe and Mary are watching from the front window.
25. INT-HOUSE-DAY
Mary and Joe argue over moving their relationship forward. Joe leaves. Uncle Billy comes in and Mary rubs him with a towel as he licks her face.
Turning point at end of Act 1: Mary doesn’t know where Peter is. Joe is pressuring her to move their relationship to the next level.
26. EXT-MAIN STREET-DAY
Dash and Don enter Seneca Falls. People are everywhere for the festival. They ask Ernie where the parade starts…down by the movie theater at the other end of the street. They head in that direction.
27. EXT-SIDE STREET-DAY
Mary checks out a large float with a huge old wooden sleigh on it. Angel calls Mary’s cell and tells her to get to the community center now.
28. INT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter and Tilly discuss how to get out of this and that they didn’t think everything out…like how to get Santa back to the North Pole. Tilly says she’s not going through with it and leaves.
29. INT-COMMUNITY CENTER-DAY
Santa is sick and Mary must play Santa because Angel has the radio show. Mary puts on the Santa suit.
30. EXT-SNOWMOBILE SHOP-DAY
Peter and Santa leave the shop and head towards town. Peter carries and ladder and rope. Mary drives up looking for Peter, but he’s not there.
Mid-Point: Mary is very worried because she can’t get in touch with Peter. She’s afraid he may try hurt himself again. But she must worry about the festival too.
31. EXT-MAIN STREET-DUSK
Santa 5K starts and all runners are dressed as Santa and it’s snowing heavily now. Dash and Don are trying to figure out who is the real Santa as they run too.
32. EXT-RESIDENTIAL STREET-DUSK
Neighborhood of houses lit for Christmas, but everyone is in town. Peter and the real Santa come out of the woods and move toward the back of a house.
33. INT-POLICE STATION-DUSK
Mary has told the police that Peter and Santa are missing. The police laugh at her. She explains he might be suicidal and leaves in frustration.
Turning point at end of Act 2: Mary can’t find Peter, so she goes to the police station, but the police don’t believe that he has kidnapped Santa and they laugh at her.
34. EXT-SIDE STREET-NIGHT
Mary gets on the sleigh in the float and as the float starts to move, she sees someone behind the Davis’s house…it looks like Santa. She jumps off the float and runs toward the house.
35. EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
Angel and Joe have the girls along the parade route. Angel whispers to Joe that Mary will be playing Santa at the end of the parade.
36. EXT-LIBRARY-NIGHT
Dash and Don come around the library and see a Santa far away running toward the neighborhood. They take off after Santa.
37. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Mary sneaks up behind Santa and covers his mouth, points him to the woods. Mary climbs the ladder (still afraid of heights) and scoots along the roofline. Peter orders her to go down the chimney. Mary and Peter argue on the roof. Dash and Don find them.
38. EXT-PARADE-NIGHT
The real Santa has jumped on the sleigh float and is waving to the children yelling Ho, Ho, Ho! Those who know her remark on how great Mary is.
39. EXT-HOUSE-NIGHT
Dash and Don climb on the roof and point their guns at Peter. Mary stops them from shooting him. They get off the roof.
40. EXT-YARD-NIGHT
Santa returns as Dash and Don are taking Peter to their car. Santa convinces them to let Peter go.
Climax: Mary, dressed as Santa, trades places with the real Santa and thwarts Peter’s plan. Peter is getting arrested, but Santa says he won’t press charges and for them to let Peter go.
41. INT-COURTROOM-DAY
Christmas morning, Peter turns himself in for the child support charges. Mary comes in and says it’s a miracle. The townspeople enter and pay Peter’s back support with the festival money. They each vouch for Peter and they have found a sponsor to pay for next year’s festival.
42. INT-HOUSE-DAY
Mary, Ruthie, Janie, and Uncle Billy have had Christmas. Peter and Tilly are celebrating with the girls too. Joe comes over to give Mary her Christmas gift.
43. EXT-PORCH-DAY
It’s still snowing. Joe gives Mary an engagement ring. Mary says she knows that the winery is going to foot the bill for next year’s festival. Mary accepts the ring, and they kiss as Uncle Billy barks and tries to get between their feet.
Resolution: Christmas day in court, Peter is there to turn himself in for the child support charge. The townspeople come with the money they made from the festival and give it to Peter to pay his debt. He won’t accept it. But they tell him they have found a sponsor who will pay for the next year’s festival, and they want him to have it because he’s done so much for all of them.
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Day 7 assignment Plot, character, structure outline
PS 81 June Fortunato 1st Pass of Outline
What I learned from doing this assignment is: It’s good to start and I discovered a more probable
place for them at the end, and an idea of the crosscutting style I’ll use.
1. Logline
Retirement
Charming Roy hates to work, but after his latest girlfriend (aka his free ride) dumps him, the
clever man will go to any length to find a more permanent person to take care of him- until he
meets an eccentric woman who speaks very loudly! to herself! and who plays the same game.
Together they crash in the craziest places and he falls in love with the tenderness inside of her
that allows him to heal. In the end, they luck into a perfect, permanent pad together
2. Plot/Plot Summary
Adventure (2)
but also bits of Rivalry, (8) Transformation, (12) and discovery (17)
When crazy ass, super moocher Roy gets dumped again (aka, his latest free ride) he’s got to
figure out a more permanent solution and maybe even have to straighten out his life- until he
meets Kim, a woman who plays exactly the same game. Together, they crash in the craziest
places- often clash and separate only to seek each other out- and being crazy together- they’ve
never had so much fun. Can’t stand each other, can’t be apart, they both come to a crisis and
decide to find a way together when Kim lands the perfect, permanent home for them.
3. Structure
Inciting incident: When Roy almost dies in a self-inflicted car crash, he also learns that he has
uncollected Veterans and SSI waiting but he must have a permanent address. And there’s a time
limit for his claim to fulfil an easy life in retirement.
Page 10: Catch 22 Roy can’t find a permanent place without money and he can’t get his money
without a permanent place. It looks like he’ll drift for the rest of his life.
First turn: end of Act 1 Roy meets another equally skilled moocher, Kim, and the two have a
blast. He never dreamed he’d have someone to share his life.
Mid-point: Roy can’t convince Kim to settle down in a permanent address. He’s torn between
having Kim=joy, and resting with a comfortable but dull life. He must, and so he leaves her.
Second turn-end of act 2: Roy longs for Kim. He still hasn’t found a permanent place, and when
he discovers her hidey place, he’s thrilled. They have more escapades, but she can’t face her
demons, so she leaves in the night. His heart is broken all over again but he suspects that she
doesn’t want to do this without him, either.
Crisis: Roy can’t find a place, can’t find Kim and can’t figure it out alone anymore. He decides to
follow a plan they discussed, and jump to his death.
Climax: When Roy arrives at the cliff, he finds Kim there, too. Instead of doing a “Thelma and
Louise”, Roy promises an exciting and mischievous life for Kim and begs her to share his life.
Resolution: After Kim lands the perfect, permanent pad (she had access all along), he gets his
money, and then prepays for everything. He pretends that they’re scamming restaurants and car
rentals and everything else and she suspends her disbelief to play the life game with him.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
A) Part to be changed: After a shit childhood, and retaliating by killing the enemy in a war,
Roy feels he can never deserve a comfortable life- that he was always worthless, and can’t
accept what he did, despite the fact that he got a medal of honor for saving his comrades.
B) Biggest Fear: If he stops running, he’ll be caught up by his demons and haunted by the
souls of those he snuffed out.
C) Completion of arc: Kim’s love has helped him to feel worthy of living an easier life.
30 Day 7 assignment Plot, character, structure outline first pass due 2022 02 12
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5. Plot in Structure
OPENING SCENE: Roy’s latest free ride (girlfriend) dumps him, he steals a van and deliberately
crashes it into a Wawa to get into jail.
INT. JAIL: He hates the food! so jail is not the answer. He stuffs the food into a toilet to clog it,
knowing that he’ll be beaten to a pulp by the other guys and have to go to the hospital.
Inciting incident: INT. HOSPITAL: Roy nearly dies. His ex is a nurse at the hospital and
arranges for a lawyer to represent him. When Roy is able to hobble around, he passes Kim,
another patient in the hallway.
INT. COURTROOM: The pro bono lawyer discovers that Roy has a chunk of uncollected
money from SSI, Veterans and in fact, a monthly pay boost from the Vets because he received an
uncollected Medal of Honor. The money pays for his court, damages and hospital costs, but he
must find a permanent place to live or lose his ongoing claim to benefits.
INT. HOSPITAL Kim grabs keys from the nurse’s station, finds the car to which they belong,
and takes off with it.
INT. DRESSING ROOM – FANCY BOUTIQUE
Kim hides a gorgeous bathing suit under her clothes while she chats up a lady in the next booth
and swaps the lady’s valet pass for her own.
EXT. SWIMMING POOL: Kim loudly speaks to herself while crashing a swimming pool to
bathe. Roy sees her there and recognizes her. They have an odd but enticing meeting.
Page 10: Roy squats from place to place, but can’t find a permanent address.
CROSS CUTS BETWEEN ROY’S LIFE AND KIM’S LIFE of squatting in places, stealing food,
stealing clothing. Detectives are after Kim, the car thief. Roy is trying to go legit but everybody
wants money up front.
First turn: INT. 4 STAR HOTEL STAIRWELL
Roy has been enjoying an unused balcony at the Bellevue hotel, the food is terrific, bathrooms,
and even ‘free’ jackets of wait staff. He has a huge plate of shrimp and wonderful brunch foods,
and finds Kim in the stairwell, similarly eating well. Bonding.
INT. 4 STAR HOTEL. SUITE
Kim and Roy in a suite that Kim has been crashing. Very plush. What a gas!
SCENE OF SERIES of Roy and Kim and the various places they crash, rides they steal, etc.
Mid-point: FRICTION: Roy can’t convince Kim to settle down with him and time is running out.
He leaves her.
EXT. FILM SET Roy weasels his way onto a film set and works as a Pyro Technician. The crew
think he’s one of them. He sleeps in the honeywagon, eats the food, gets clothes from the
costumer and actually earns his way until payday, when he can’t get paid. The unions are pissed
off. His supervisor and pals who like him, give him some cash but he must leave. On his way
out, he sets pyro under the union boss’ trailer.
Xcut
KIM’s life. Kim somehow has access to richer, better places. (No wonder Roy thinks that she’s
‘very classy’)
Second turn-end of act 2: ROY AND KIM discover each other again. They go around for the
day, but, she just can’t face her demons, although also heartbroken, she leaves him before he
wakes.
Crisis: ROY: With the loss of his money immanent, and still unable to find his permanent place,
and now without Kim, too, life is not worth breathing. He goes to a cliff that he and Kim
discussed to commit suicide.
Climax: ROY is at the cliff, and Kim is there, too. Instead of jumping, Roy promises to keep
Kim happy. He has a plan.
30 Day 7 assignment Plot, character, structure outline first pass due 2022 02 12
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Resolution: Kim has access to a permanent pad from her family. Roy gets his money and his girl.
Roy keeps it exciting by prepaying all the bills and Kim suspends her disbelief to feel that she’s
still scamming.
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Kates First Pass
What I learned is that it is kind of magic how it unfolds itself when I let it. Also not to run off in a fascinating direction but to do the next thing on the list and keep it succinct.
1. LOGLINE: A young actress joins forces with a poor rural community to con and expose the greedy developer in their midst who is also her long absent father, setting herself and others free.
2. PLOT /PLOT SUMMARY: Maturation — The process of going from child to adult where the child is forced to accept changes on the way to becoming a mature adult…but often pays a price for it.
3) STRUCTURE
1) OPENING SCENE
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by the Latina Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh. At the same time, a tour bus of actors arriving on the edge of the town, are setting up their campsite in a beautiful field, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia falls in love with the beauty of the land and muses to her friends on perhaps staying on there after the tour ends.2) INCITING INCIDENT
Nia meets Darrogh and finds out he is her long-lost father whom she has idolized. He welcomes her into his palatial home, which means she has to turn away from the locals she had begun to know, especially Luciana, but having a relationship with her father means more to her than anything.3) BY PAGE 10
Luciana confronts Nia and tells her the truth about Darrogh and how he cheated her family out of the ranch and has affected the entire community. Nia says she believes she can best help by staying with him and that she can turn him around.4) FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. It will mean the end of their small community but they need the money. Nia, secretly at the back of room, is appalled.5) MID-POINT
Nia tries to talk with her father and sees a nasty side of him. Luciana reveals to Nia that she knew her Mother. A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still hopeful he’ll change.6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Darrogh delays signing with the ‘company’ saying he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana and kicks her out of the house. The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. The ‘company’ makes one more offer, adding that the farms he wanted have agreed to join the deal, thus increasing the potential return on his investment.7) CRISIS
Darrogh says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him. Nia has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community whose values she shares. She agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly exposed so with her troupe she creates a ‘play’ to which Darrogh is invited on the pretext of gratitude from the community but will really play out the story so he sees the truth.8) CLIMAX
Performed outdoors at the very hillside where Nia first fell in love with the land and where the landfill was to have begun, with the ‘dozers under the stage lights, Darrogh sees the con revealed after it is too late to back out. He has lost most of his money, all his land and house through the deal he agreed to. From the stage Nia calls him out for the father and person he has been and is.9) RESOLUTION
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. She tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. Luciana quietly tells Nia she will find him a place at the ranch she has got back. Nia leaves on the tour bus with the theatre troupe as she had arrived.4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC
Nia moves from passively longing for an imaginary ‘good’ Father to facing the real ‘bad’ one and making choices base on her personal power and strength.
Part to be changed: The naive passive idealist
Biggest fear: Not having a (wonderful) Dad who loves her
Completion of arc: Calls out the ‘real’ Dad and through action finds strength and self-respect
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE
OPENING SCENE
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh. At the same time, a tour bus of actors arriving on the edge of the town, are setting up their campsite in a field, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia falls in love with the beauty of the land and muses to her friends on perhaps staying on there after the tour ends.INT. TOWN MEETING – EARLY EVENING
A desperate crowd at a town meeting, led by the Latina Mayor Luciana, discuss how to stay solvent and bemoan the greed of Darrogh, the local billioniare. They have all lost something of their livelihood to him.
EXT. A PEACEFUL FIELD ON THE EDGE OF TOWN – EARLY EVENING
A tour bus of actors arrives on the edge of the town, and set up their campsite, preparing for their play this weekend. Nia wanders through dreamily over the field and tells her friends she can imagine living there.
INT. LOCAL BAR – NEXT EVENING
Nia and the troupe mingle with the local community most whome are fascinated by their life and looking forward to the play they are going to do (a Shakespeare). Luciana introduces herself and asks Nia a lot of questions and thinks she knows her from somewhere.
INCITING INCIDENT
Nia meets Darrogh and finds out he is her long-lost father whom she has idolized. He welcomes her into his palatial home, which means she has to turn away from the locals she had begun to know, especially Luciana, but having a relationship with her father means more to her than anything.EXT. THE FIELD – SATURDAY EVENING.
The Shakespeare show is ending and people are having a fine old time. Darrogh is watching Nia – she looks familiar. He asks about her and begins to put it together – she is his daughter.
INT. POST OFFICE – NEXT DAY
Nia walks into Darrogh in the post office, he invites her to his house.
INT. DARROGH’S PALATIAL HOUSE –
Darrogh tells Nia she is his daughter and he is so happy to find her after these years. He spins a story about what he’s been doing, making himself sound good.
EXT. THE TROUPE’S CAMP
Nia says goodbye to the troupe – she wants to stay with her father. Luciana urges caution, he’s not to be trusted. Nia assures her it will be fine.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE
Darrogh makes it clear that he doesn’t want her mixing with the locals. He wants her to himself. She feels special and loved.
BY PAGE 10
Luciana confronts Nia and tells her the truth about Darrogh and how he cheated her family out of the ranch and has affected the entire community. Nia says she believes she can best help by staying with him and that she can turn him around.INT. COFFEE SHOP- DAY
Luciana and Nia meet (clandestinely) – Luciana tells Nia what Darrogh is really like, for example how he cheated her father out of the family ranch but Nia is determined to have a relationship with the father who left her 15 years ago when she 10. She believes he is a good person (that’s what her family told her) and that she can help him be better because he loves her.
4) FIRST TURNING POINT AT THE END OF ACT ONE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. It will mean the end of their small community but they need the money. Nia, secretly at the back of room, is appalled.INT.TOWN MEETING – EVE
Luciana presents a letter from Darrogh at a town meeting in which he announces he is going to develop a massive landfill on the ranch he ‘bought’ from her family and offering to buy out the other little farms in the area but people have to decide in the next week then the offer is off the table. Nia is listening incognito at the back of the room.
5) MID-POINT
Nia tries to talk with her father and sees a nasty side of him. Luciana reveals to Nia that she knew her Mother. A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and is still hopeful he’ll change.INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – NEXT DAY, BREAKFAST TIME
Nia tries to talk with her father appealing to his humanity. He belittles her as being a child and calls the people in the town losers and worthless because they don’t know how to make good money.
EXT. THE FIELD – AFTERNOON
Luciana and Nia meet – Nia is a bit shocked. Luciana tells her she knew her mother when they were in college back and she will always be there for her. She invites her to her hoUse where there is to be small group meeting to decide what to do.
INT. LUCIANA’S HOUSE – EVENING
A small group of towns people decide to set up a ‘sting’ company purportedly to manage and expand the landfill. Nia suggests that some of her theatre friends pose as ‘the businessmen’ but she will stay in her father’s house to keep an eye on him and she is still hopeful he’ll change.
INT. AN APARTMENT IN A TOWN 5O MILES AWAY – NEXT DAY
Nia meets with some of the actors who putting in a play on a neighboring town and proposes the project. They eagerly agree, their tour is about to end and why not? One of them has a mother who is a very experienced hi-end businesswoman and ask her to help make the fake proposal. She is very pro-environment and the rights of ‘small’ people.
6) SECOND TURNING POINT AT END OF ACT TWO
Darrogh delays signing with the ‘company’ saying he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana and kicks her out of the house. The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. The ‘company’ makes one more offer, adding that the farms he wanted have agreed to join the deal, thus increasing the potential return on his investment.INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – 1 WEEK LATER
The ‘Businessmen meet with Darrogh. He has read the proposal and is interested but delays signing it – he will do it himself and doesn’t need them yet – maybe later in the process. He is trying to get more land from the other farmers. He wants the biggest landfill ever made.
INT. DARROGH’S HOUSE – EVENING
He realizes that Nia is hanging out with Luciana, he overhears a phone conversation and confronts her. Says it is him or them and anyway he doesn’t trust her – she doesn’t have his best interest at heart and she can go join the riff-raff as that’s her type anyway. He kicks her out of the house then and there, with only what she arrived with.
INT: LUCIANAS HOUSE
Nia arrives on the doorstep and Luciana takes her in.
EXT. THE FIELD – A WEEK LATER
The surveyors and bulldozers arrive. Everyone is frantic.
INT.DARROUGHS HOUSE – 2 DAYS LATER
The’ Businessmen’ make a second proposal- they have sales agreements from surrounding farms to their company. All Darrogh has to do is buy in and he will be set for life. He is still not sure. Tells them to wait. Meanwhile the surveyors are at work in the land that he already has, beginning in the field where Nia first camped.
7) CRISIS
Darrogh says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him. Nia has to choose between the father she hoped for and the community whose values she shares. She agrees with Luciana that Darrogh be publicly exposed so with her troupe she creates a ‘play’ to which Darrogh is invited on the pretext of gratitude from the community but will really play out the story so he sees the truth.INT. DARROGHS HOUSE – DAY
Darrogh says he will sign the deal with the ‘company’ if the community agree to name the new landfill after him, with a big fancy gate. They agree. He is very excited and calls Nia to come and have lunch with him. Nia says she needs some time to think about it – that she is still upset about the landfill even though he is her father. He promises he’ll make sure everyone is taken care of if she’ll just come back.
INT. LUCIANAS HOUSE
Talking more with Luciana and some others, Nia realizes that she has to choose and chooses the community. Luciana says it is not enough to get the money from Darrogh, he has to be held publicly accountable. Nia comes up with the idea a play specially written to be performed and expose the whole story. There is to be a ribbon-cutting event next week to name the new landfill (even though it is not quite yet under construction). The perfect time to do it.
8) CLIMAX
Performed outdoors at the very hillside where Nia first fell in love with the land and where the landfill was to have begun, with the ‘dozers under the stage lights, Darrogh sees the con revealed after it is too late to back out. He has lost most of his money, all his land and house through the deal he agreed to. From the stage Nia calls him out for the father and person he has been and is.EXT. THE FIELD – EVENING
The play is performed, outdoors under lights with the ‘dozers in the periphery, and slowly Darrogh recognizes the story and his role in it. He is furious and makes a scene demanding the contract be cancelled, but the Businesswoman shows him what he has signed and that it is all legitimate and there is nothing he can do -except let the world know what a fool he has been. Nia takes the stage and call him out for his failures as a father. He slinks off to his house, leaving a party in his wake.
9) RESOLUTION
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. She tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. Luciana quietly tells Nia she will find him a place at the ranch she has got back. Nia leaves on the tour bus with the theatre troupe as she had arrived.INT. TOWN MEETING – A WEEK KATER – DAY
The community has their land back and the money to develop a back-to-nature retreat center for future sustainability. It has been a dream of some of them over the years and now it is possible. Nia thanks them all for everything and they her. She says she can’t stay but needs to go on with her life. Luciana promises she’ll always have a home here and hands her a letter to read later.
INT: DARROGH’S HOUSE- LATE AFTERNOON
Nia goes to visit her father one last time before she leaves. Darrogh pleads with Nia to forgive him and take him in. The house is to be foreclosed and he’ll have nowhere to go. She tells him he must depend on this community because she is going on with her life, free of his shadow and independent. He offers to give her a car for her travels. She refuses and says goodbye, walking out the door and down the grand driveway.
EXT. THE FIELD – HALF AN HOUR LATER – EARLY EVENING
The ‘dozers and surveyors pegs are gone. Nia reads the letter from Luciana – she tells Nia not to worry about Darrogh, that because she loved Nia’s mother who loved Darrogh and gave birth to Nia, she will find him a place at the ranch she now has back. The theatre troupe’s bus pulls up, she climbs in and they leave as they had arrived.
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Cameron Martin’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…how quickly you can get in an editing rut when you realize certain marks you need to hit just aren’t there, and you have to go back continuously and set them up. I realize this is a first pass attempt, but man.
Luckily, I remembered that I had a “Cheat Sheet” that I developed years ago by combining the strategies from “Save the Cat,” “Story,” “Anatomy of Story,” Dan Harmon’s Story Wheel and so forth. That was handy for jotting down quick ideas on what beats to hit and where, and I’ve included them below at the beginning of each description (For OPEN WIDE and GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP). I hope this doesn’t jeopardize the lesson needing to be learned, Hal. My apologies if it did.
Also, the previous assignment really helped when brainstorming this one, and the following morning when considering what I’d written. I mean, ALIENS is a really simple structure with easily identifiable motifs. But like a hit rock song, it focuses on hitting those notes to perfection, rather than trying too hard to do too much (Look at the band Rush’s album “Hemispheres” in comparison to their album “Moving Pictures.” Not taking anything away from the brilliance of “Hemispheres,” but “Moving Pictures” was more approachable for a reason). So when looking at my outline the next day, it was fun to look for ways to really focus the structure on something easily identifiable (“The Truth will set you Free”) and see how to bring it out in interesting and hard-hitting ways in the following passes.
I managed to fill out two of my concepts while adapting the third over from the Writing Killer Action course. I hope to work the fourth one and get that finished soon as well.
OPEN WIDE
Logline/Concept –
When a government agent accidentally creates a breach in their designated bunker, she must help save the lives she’s put in danger of both the hostile aliens and the inbound target bomb on their complex.
Plot Choice and Summary –
Escape: Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – A Grandmother wakes up to an alarm warning residents of an alien outbreak. She and the rest of the residents take refuge in a bunker, but one of the residents with them is infected.
2. Inciting Incident – The grandmother pulls out a handcrafted pistol and kills the infected before it has a chance to kill her, but by doing so creates a breach. Now when the site is bombed, the chemicals will penetrate into the bunker and wipe out the remaining survivors.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The grandmother reveals her true identity as a spy for the Hegemony, sent to cover up the source of the alien outbreaks. Now, she is directly responsible for saving the residents her actions have put in harm’s way.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The initial plan to seal the breach fails. Now, the survivors have no choice but to escape from the bunker.
5. Mid-Point – The resident pacifist that has refused to take part in any previous action reveals herself to be a former Super Soldier, when she takes out several of the aliens.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – On the way out of the doomed complex, the Grandmother and several others are gassed and rendered unconscious.
7. Crisis – The Smuggler reveals himself as a loyalist to the Hegemony, using his reputation as a means of capturing dissenters. He manipulates the pacifist super soldier’s programming to kill the other residents one by one.
8. Climax – The grandmother spy, who is good at her job, releases the trap she’s set earlier and kills the Smuggler. She’s able to save the pacifist and another resident, but the rest of the community has perished.
9. Resolution – The grandmother is able to lead the two other survivors out of the doomed building and onto an escape ship to get off world, moments before the complex is bombed.
Protagonist Character Arc –
Jude goes from deceiving her community to fighting for it.
Part to be Changed: Jude’s ties to the Hegemony.
Biggest Fear: That her efforts are in vain or Telling the Truth
Completion of the Arc: She kills an assassin of the government, and uploads her documents to the net.
(Note: It’s difficult coming to this after watching ALIENS. The character arc in that film is so simple, and it’s one of the reasons it’s as powerful as it is. I’ve got to find a way to make my protagonist’s journey as primal and universal as I can. Maybe leaning in hard into the “The Truth will set you Free” theme?)
Plot in Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – A Grandmother wakes up to an alarm warning residents of an alien outbreak. She and the rest of the residents take refuge in a bunker, but one of the residents with them is infected.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Something’s very wrong, and our seemingly feeble old lady is scared to death. An alien outbreak is reported.
INT. APARTMENT HALLS – NIGHT (CONT.)
(Establish the Ordinary World) Introduced to several characters in passing as everyone evacuates to a bunker. Establish some of the rules of the world – No weapons of any kind allowed, who’s who (The grandmother/matriarch, the smuggler, the pacifist, the carpenter, the doctor, the leader, the veteran, the teacher, etc.)
INT. DECONTAMINATION ROOM
(Them Stated) One of the residents gets targeted, but convinces the others to check again and let him through.
INT. BUNKER – NIGHT
(Set Up) Everyone settles down after being checked out. Then, the same one who was let through proves to be infected and goes on a rampage.
2. Inciting Incident – The grandmother pulls out a handcrafted pistol and kills the infected before it has a chance to kill her, but by doing so creates a breach. Now when the site is bombed, the chemicals will penetrate into the bunker and wipe out the remaining survivors.
INT. BUNKER – NIGHT
(Call to Adventure) The old lady, Jude, crafts a pistol from scraps in the bunker and shoots the infected, killing it and also creating a breach in the bunker.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The grandmother reveals her true identity as a spy for the Hegemony, sent to cover up the source of the alien outbreaks. Now, she is directly responsible for saving the residents her actions have put in harm’s way.
INT. BUNKER – NIGHT
(Refusal of the Call) Debrief – who is Jude really and why does she know how to make an illegal weapon, let alone use one? Jude offers no information.
CONT.
(Meeting with the Mentor) Debrief – how to cover the breach?
Jude tries to connect with one of the residents, but her deceit has made her a pariah – she will have to win their trust before she can redeem herself.
CONT.
Smuggler works with Jude, recognizing crafting skill, to seal the breach properly, along with other residents.
CONT.
(Catalyst) The device to help seal the breach is set up, but a catastrophic failure blows a bigger hole into the bunker, exposing the residents to worms. The residents fight back, except for the pacifist who flees. Jude saves a child, creating a small bond.
CONT.
(Debate) Can Jude be trusted? She’s blamed for the failure of the breach sealer.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The initial plan to seal the breach fails. Now, the survivors have no choice but to escape from the bunker.
CONT.
(Acceptance of the Call) Jude tells the truth: she’s a spy. Jude vows to save the community.
CONT.
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor sacrifice) Debrief – new plan must be conceived to escape. Jude offers top secret training and a way off world, jeopardizing her situation with the Hegemony she represents.
CONT.
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Jude begins to train other residents how to craft and handle weapons.
INT. BUNKER / VENTS
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate sacrifice) Scouting Party goes out and bags their first worm, but at the cost of one of their own.
INT. LIVING QUARTERS
(Reaping the Reward) Scouting Party recovers both Jude’s file and the keys needed to the escape craft.
INT. VENTS
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Party is redirected away from possible hazards…right into a worm nest. They all die and are turned into infected.
5. Mid-Point – The resident pacifist that has refused to take part in any previous action reveals herself to be a former Super Soldier, when she takes out several of the aliens.
INT. BUNKER
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) Worms reek havoc on residents. Pacifist reveals herself as a super soldier, saving Jude, the smugger, the child, and two others.
CONT.
(Securing the Maguffin or Refusing Temptation) Jude’s data and way off world is secured. Quick regroup before running out.
INT. VENTS / HALLWAYS
(Bad Guys Close In) The survivors head out. The clock is ticking.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – On the way out of the doomed complex, the Grandmother and several others are gassed and rendered unconscious.
INT. GAS CHAMBER
(All is Lost) The Smuggler puts on a gas mask and betrays the survivors.
7. Crisis – The Smuggler reveals himself as a loyalist to the Hegemony, using his reputation as a means of capturing dissenters. He manipulates the pacifist super soldier’s programming to kill the other residents one by one.
INT. TORTURE ROOM
(Dark Night of the Soul) The smuggler reveals true colors – He’s a Hegemony loyalist that uses the smuggler reputation to eliminate dissenters.
CONT.
(Prepare for Battle/Maguffin comes into Play) Pacifist is turned against the party through Super Soldier programming.
CONT.
(Execution of Plan A) The first victim is killed by the Pacifist.
CONT.
(False Victory) The Smuggler asks Jude, the spy who betrayed the Hegemony, if she has any last words.
8. Climax – The grandmother spy, who is good at her job, releases the trap she’s set earlier and kills the Smuggler. She’s able to save the pacifist and another resident, but the rest of the community has perished.
CONT.
(Falling into the Trap) Jude sets off the trap she’s been setting up since the breach sealing device first failed. She knew the smuggler was no good.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Worms break in and kill the smuggler.
INT. TORTURE ROOM / HALLWAYS
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) Jude leads survivors out with the Pacifist, still under the smuggler’s programming, hot on their tails.
CONT.
(Final Battle/Greatest Sacrifice) Jude fights the Super Soldier Pacifist and manages to reprogram him/her, literally fighting and erasing the Hegemony from within the Pacifist.
9. Resolution – The grandmother is able to lead the two other survivors out of the doomed building and onto an escape ship to get off world, moments before the complex is bombed.
INT/EXT ESCAPE SHIP
(Self Revelation/Realizing or Damning the Soul) Jude saves as many as she could, taking off with them aboard her escape craft and getting off world, with the gas explosion in the background.
INT. COCKPIT
(Closing Image) Jude uploads files to the net, revealing hers and the Hegemony’s darkest secrets to the public. She’s a freedom fighter now.
POSSESSING EDEN
(Note: This outline was pulled from the “Writing Killer Action” Class and formatted to the parameters of this assignment.)
Logline –
An android in search of redemption for a murder she committed is tested by a copy of herself that represents her own guilt, and she must either kill that side of herself or become one with it.
Plot/Plot Summary –
Quest: The protagonist goes off in search of something extremely important to him or her. The story is about the character who makes the search, not about the thing they are searching for.
Often, the quest comes full circle and sees the hero return to the place they began, but something is very different about them — sometimes physically, but always an increase in wisdom.
Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – Janus (protagonist) saves a helpless boy from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story building and the underworld.
2. Inciting Incident – Janus creates a copy of herself, but, unknown to her, in doing so also kills the person whose body was needed to create the copy.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, will steal her creator’s (Adam/Antagonist) code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use the code in order to resurrect her victim.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus abandons the upper floors and descends into the underworld, against Adam’s wishes. Adam casts her as a fallen angel to his followers and vows to eliminate her. She is subsequently captured by forces from the underworld.
5. Mid-Point – Janus rescues a guide (Calvex) to the underworld from an execution/gladiator pit that they both escape from.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus’ Copy attacks her and tries to kill her after being promised a place in the upper floors if she renders justice against her counterpart. Janus is able to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy.
7. Crisis – In the preceding action, Calvex sacrificed himself for Janus and died. Janus uploads him through the Afterlife Protocol, but Adam vows to “do what gods do.”
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and defeats Adam.
9. Resolution – The residents of the high rise are free to explore a world that’s much bigger than anything they imagined.
Protagonist Character Arc –
Guilt Ridden to Self Forgiveness
Part to be changed: Belief that Forgiveness and Redemption must be attained externally.
Biggest Fear: That she can and will kill again.
Completion of Arc: Janus accepts herself and her past, and is willing to sacrifice herself for love instead of self loathing.
Plot in Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – Janus (protagonist) saves a helpless boy from a raging robot at the intersection of the upper floors of a massive nine story building and the underworld.<div>
INT. RUINED LOBBY
We open on the first floor of a massive nine story high rise. It’s a dark, maze-like ruin with holes in the wall that weave from one room to another, along with what appear to be grave sites toppled on top of each other. There, a child hides in the shadows from a mechanical being that just killed both of the child’s parents. Janus, an android with the ability to “possess” different machines, protects and saves this little boy from the killer robot.
(Note: Possessing means she not only hacks the machine, but penetrates it and wraps the armor of the robot around her, like a cyberpunk version of a ghost going inside of and possessing a person.)
CONT.
The boy is missing a chip in his neck, something he needs to be admitted through the Afterlife Protocol. The boy is from the underworld, where they can’t be reincarnated or have everlasting life, and was crossing the border between the underworld and the upper nine floors with his family when they were attacked.
INT. ELEVATOR / TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Janus takes him to her creator, Adam, to ensure the promise of eternal life.
INT. VOID
Adam, in a sermon to people plugged into virtual meeting, recounts a story of how he constructed the tower as a last bastion of mankind and created Guardian Angels, like Janus, in his image, so that they would have dominion over the world.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus competes in a game with her siblings to test their skill in protecting the first 9 floors from the forces of the underworld: the bottom 9 floors that live underground in rebellion. Janus wins with Adam watching.
CONT.
Adam invites Janus to a revelation of a power she didn’t know she had.
2. Inciting Incident – Janus creates a copy of herself, but, unknown to her, in doing so also kills the person whose body was needed to create the copy.
INT. TOP FLOOR PENTHOUSE
Adam teaches Janus to duplicate herself. It is an act that relies on deleting the consciousness of the host, in order to use their body. However, Janus performs this act without being told that duplicating herself would bring a permanent end to the host in a world where death should be impossible.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – Janus, with the help of her Copy, will steal her creator’s (Adam/Antagonist) code that allowed her to be made, and venture into the underworld to use the code in order to resurrect her victim.
(Note – Yeah, this ain’t happening by page 10. Looking at THE MATRIX’s solution to this problem may yield a solution. The question “What is the Matrix?” or “What in the hell did I just watch?” provides enough intrigue for the audience until we get to the meat and potatoes of the plot deep into the second act. I’ll see what I can figure out for this outline in follow up passes.)
INT. JANUS’ ROOM
Janus, distraught, refuses to believe she can’t bring the victim back. She makes a plan with her Copy to bring the person she killed back to life.
Together, they’ll steal the code Adam used to create her and her siblings. Next, they’ll venture to the source of the Nexus, the platform for the Afterlife Protocol, deep inside the underworld. Together, they plan to merge the code with the Copy’s body, which was the victim’s body, hoping the combination of latent data within said body and Adam’s code will bring the individual back to life again, essentially rewriting the information that once made up the consciousness of the individual.
INT. TOP FLOOR MAINFRAME
Janus, with the help of her double, breaks into Adam’s personal library to steal the code.
INT. STAIRWELL
Janus and Copy fight Janus’ siblings on their way down the first 9 floors.
INT. LOBBY
Adam begs Janus not to go, offering absolution in the form of erasing hers and everyone else’s memory of the victim so that no guilt can be felt or placed.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – Janus abandons the upper floors and descends into the underworld, against Adam’s wishes. Adam casts her as a fallen angel to his followers and vows to eliminate her. She is subsequently captured by forces from the underworld.
INT. LOBBY
Janus and her Copy cross into the Underworld, choosing to do what’s right based on their own morality, instead of opting for the easy way offered by Janus’ creator.
INT. VOID
Adam addresses humanity and ostracizes Janus as a fallen angel and demon who must be stopped.
INT. PENTHOUSE
In private, Adam splits into two different versions of himself. One side argues Janus should be shown the love a daughter deserves. The other half argues Janus refused the power and knowledge she possesses, and that it is the same as refusing him, since she was made to be like him. In the second version’s mind, he was first rejected by GOD, long ago. Now, he’s being rejected by his own progeny. The two halves fight, one for Janus and the other for his pride. The prideful half kills the loving half.
INT. HIDEOUT
Adam sells Janus out to a group a slavers: The first part of a trap. When the slavers ask Adam why, he offers them the question of how many Adam’s they think there are, showing his hand that the version they’re conversing with may be unique to the one the underworld is familiar with.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SECOND FLOOR
Janus and Copy confront cyborg slavers and are captured.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PRISON CELLS
Janus and Copy meet Calvex, a mute gladiatorial slave. He agrees to help them out of the Arena and guide them through the underworld, if they can rescue him from the Lightning Run and bring him his “voice.”
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Gladiator battle. Janus and her Copy try to recover Calvex’s “Voice,” which is the arena prize. The fight is a way to punish and execute Calvex, who is running the Lightning Run. Calvex must fight electrical impulses to dodge and survive deadly obstacles.
CONT.
Janus secures the Voice, overcoming the gladiator pit’s opponents, and rescues Calvex from the lightning run. But the gladiatorial ring leader, Alrick, uses a shape-shifting, nano bot weapon to mortally damage Janus.
CONT.
Then, a platoon of Adam’s robot sentries enter the ring. The people of the underworld fight back, and it quickly turns into a riot. The sentries reach Janus and tear her apart.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Janus learns she can reincarnate anywhere, since she was given “free will.” She returns to life inside her Copy’s body and shares it with her.
5. Mid-Point – Janus rescues a guide (Calvex) to the underworld from an execution/gladiator pit that they both escape from.
INT. UNDERWORLD – THIRD FLOOR – PIT
Janus and her Copy fight through, recovering one of Janus’ arms that was torn off, and giving the Voice to Calvex, who uses it to gain control of one of the gladiator pit’s mechanized giants and escape with the two Januses.
INT. PENTHOUSE
Adam devises a plan to break Janus by using the family of the person she killed.
CONT.
One of the angels asks Adam why there’s so much effort being put into destroying Janus when she’s trying to bring someone back to life. When the angel doesn’t buy the argument that Janus betrayed them, Adam splits into two different versions of himself again, one that agrees, and another that recontextualizes the argument as sedition and justifies the old testament flooding of the earth. That version of Adam kills both his copy and the angel, his own child.
INT. UNDERWORLD – FIFTH FLOOR
Adam links a conversation between Janus and the family. Janus’ Copy stays out of the way and watches Janus feel the full weight of her guilt.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus reaches a village on the seventh floor of the underworld. Janus is thanked by the village for saving Calvex.
CONT.
The original Janus is given a robot surrogate to possess, so that she and her Copy can be in separate bodies again. In addition, the surrogate body is augmented with one of Janus’ original arms that was saved in the gladiator pit, so she can still perform the act of possessing machines and resurrect the person she killed.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SIXTH FLOOR – HUNTING GROUNDS
Cavlex takes the original Janus hunting to calm her nerves and show what life is like in the underworld, apart from the horrors faced before…
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
While the Copy stays with the village to guard it.
CONT.
Copy defends the village from Adam’s Guardian Angels who tell her she shouldn’t even be in the underworld, and offer a place in Arcadia as Janus’ replacement on the condition of killing her counterpart.
CONT.
Adam tells the Copy how to kill the original, explaining that for people like them, killing parts of yourself is necessary to become pure and holy.
CONT.
Calvex and Janus return to the village to stave off the Guardian Angels. The rift between the two Januses widens.
INT. UNDERWORLD – EIGHT AND NINTH FLOORS – CONT.
Calvex leads Janus past the 8th floor, and to the 9th floor, which is littered with robotic corpses, like a hundred battles had taken place on this one floor, and no victories were won. Janus tries to bring her victim back to life. It appears to work, but…
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Adam snaps the trap, playing a trick on the two Januses by heightening the horror of the murder that lead to the creation of the Copy. Janus is mentally broken, and her Copy makes her decision.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – Janus’ Copy attacks her and tries to kill her after being promised a place in the upper floors if she renders justice against her counterpart. Janus is able to heal her guilt and merge with her Copy.
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
The Copy attacks Janus. Janus holds her own to defend Calvex, but her copy begins to duplicate herself amongst the dead robots and overwhelm Janus. Meanwhile, Janus refuses to copy herself again due to the guilt associated with the act, and is about to be killed by her dark side.
CONT.
Calvex is able to save Janus at the last moment, but at the cost of his own life.
CONT.
Janus influenced by Calvex’s sacrifice, is able to move past her guilt, forgiving herself, and begin reducing her Copy’s army until she merges with her Copy, instead of killing her, and becomes a whole person again.
7. Crisis – In the preceding action, Calvex sacrificed himself for Janus and died. Janus uploads him through the Afterlife Protocol, but Adam vows to “do what gods do.”
INT. UNDERWORLD – NINTH FLOOR
Janus is able to plug Calvex into the Nexus to try to admit him through the Afterlife Protocol. But a firewall created by Adam prevents her from resurrecting her friend. If Calvex is to be brought back to life, Janus must eliminate her creator, Adam.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE
Janus returns to the village to give the bad news and ask for help, promising to bring the people of the underworld the opportunity for eternal life through the Afterlife Protocol.
INT. TOP FLOOR – PENTHOUSE
Adam, upon losing control in the Underworld, sees an Omen.
INT. UNDERWORLD – SEVENTH FLOOR – VILLAGE – COMMS ROOM
He threatens Janus to never return, or he’ll destroy the world again and start over, “because that’s what gods do.”
CONT.
Janus must choose whether to save Calvex or risk everyone else’s doom. Janus chooses to take action, believing the means justify the ends.
8. Climax – Janus, with the help of the underworld, returns to the upper floors and defeats Adam.
INT. UNDERWORLD – MULTIPLE FLOORS
Janus gathers forces in the Underworld to take the upper 9 floors and rid the world of Adam.
INT. STAIRWELL
Together, they fight their way up each of the 9 upper floors. The majority of the force takes on the brunt of the defenses…
INT. VENTS
Meanwhile, Janus leads a separate, smaller party to Adam’s library, where his code is kept.
INT. TOP FLOOR – ENTRANCE
Her siblings intercept her though, and she fights them again under different circumstances. Janus breaks through…
INT. TOP FLOOR – MAINFRAME
Reaching the mainframe and source of Adam’s code. She plugs in and reaches the Nexus, a digital reality where we see the Afterlife Protocol in action.
INT. CYBERSPACE
Adam reveals to Janus that in order to kill him, she would have to erase her and her siblings’ code as well, since all of their code is intertwined with his. Adam offers eternity with Calvex, the man who helped bring her out of depression, in exchange for allowing Adam to rebuild.
Adam cannot destroy the world, because as a computer virus, he’s been contained to the tower. But, Janus and Calvex could live an eternity outside of the tower, where Adam also reveals that the world is much bigger and still full of life; the tower is not the last bastion of mankind as previously taught.
CONT.
Janus sacrifices herself and kills Adam.
9. Resolution – The residents of the high rise are free to explore a world that’s much bigger than anything they imagined.
INT/EXT. TOWER – METROPOLIS
The Afterlife Protocol within the tower is free again. People living there are permitted to reincarnate and live outside of the tower, where we see that it is simply one tower in a vast and vibrant city on another planet.
GRAND THEFT ROAD TRIP
Logline –
A driving instructor finds out their child commits grand theft auto on a regular basis during a defensive driving course where their child is behind the wheel and the cops are on their tail. As their child’s hostage, the two now have to mend the relationship that was broken.
Plot/Plot Summary –
Maturation: This plot is about growing from a naive life to a more experienced life. Often, it is about the process of going from child to adult.
Usually, you start by establishing their naive state. Create an incident that challenges her beliefs. The character often rejects the change. But as more evidence / experiences pile up, she is forced to go through the change in a gradual way. She doesn’t accomplish adulthood all at once, but each small lesson brings upheaval and then more understanding. In the end, she makes the change, but pays a price for it.
Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Maserati and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement. Now the dad is left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The dad has a choice: turn his daughter in, or try to mend the relationship that was lost. He chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops.
5. Mid-Point – Turns out the Maserati the Kid stole belonged to a drug lord, and he put a hit on the Kid. Now the Kid sees her actions have consequences that affect her family.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid turns herself in, but on the condition that she help take down the drug lord.
9. Resolution – The Kid avenges her father and goes to prison. She sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory.
Protagonist Character Arc –
(Note: Kinda brainstorming for this one a bit more, just to see what comes up)
This Kid goes from hiding her passion to embracing it…from lying to her father to being honest with him…from shirking responsibility to accepting it…from being afraid to go slow (impatient) to cruise control (patient/waiting for things to happen)…from repressing her desires to respecting them…from hating her father to loving her father…from blaming others to accepting responsibility…
Part to be changed: The Kid pushes her problems onto others…The Kid can’t stand to go slow…The Kid isn’t honest with herself or others…”It’s not my fault” is the default answer when things go wrong…
Biggest fear: Stuck in mediocrity…going slow…letting others down…forgetting who she is…Saying “no”…
Completion of arc: This Kid accepts accountability…The Kid sets the car (life) to cruise control and enjoys the ride…The Kid loves her father…The Kid loves/accepts herself…The Kid is willing to say “no” (respectfully)…The Kid goes to jail…The Kid becomes a driving instructor…The Kid hosts car shows or a motor club…Plot in Structure –
1. (Active) Opening – The Kid breaks into a Maserati and takes it on a joyride, evading cops along the way, before leaving it and successfully sneaking into her parent’s out.
INT. GARAGE – LAMBORGHINI COUNTACH – NIGHT
(Opening Image) Kid’s bright eyes, reflecting her innocence and immaturity. Hot wires the car to take it for a spin.
INT. GARAGE – NIGHT
(Establish the Ordinary World) Kid takes the car out slow at first.
EXT. GARAGE / GATE – NIGHT
Kid gets the car as far as the gate of a luxurious estate. She gets caught by the guard, but escapes anyway.
EXT. STREETS – NIGHT
Kid joyrides like it’s a video game, evading cops along the way.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Kid parks car and jumps the fence. Cops swarm neighbor’s house.
EXT. BACKYARDS – NIGHT
Kid parkours across neighbor’s yards.
EXT. DRIVEWAY – NIGHT
Kid hot-wires a sedan. Pulls out of driveway.
EXT. PARKING LOT – NIGHT
Kid parks sedan in parking lot adjacent with another neighbor’s fence.
EXT. HOME BACKYARD / KID’S HOUSE – NIGHT
Follow Kid to their home, a couple houses down from parking lot.
INT. HOME – NIGHT
Kid sneaks into house, undetected. She got away with everything…for now.
INT. HOME – DAY
(Theme Stated) Kid goes downstairs in JROTC uniform. Dad and Kid talk about college choices and minor speeding ticket – Kid isn’t involved much in the conversation. Dad requires Kid go through defensive driving course with him. “Going too fast.”
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Set Up) Kid and Dad get into embarrassing car. Dad tells Kid how to do everything, even though we know Kid can handle a vehicle just fine.
2. Inciting Incident – A cop is able to identify the Kid while she’s on a defensive driving course with her father, and attempts to pull the two over.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
Kid is identified by a cop based on a camera image from the previous night. Lights go up.
CONT.
Dad tells Kid to pull over. Kid pulls over.
CONT.
Backups arrive suddenly. Cops all get out and draw weapons, making demands to “get out of the car with your hands up!”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. – The Kid slams the gas and takes her dad for the ride of his life as she successfully evades law enforcement. Now the dad is left wondering what happened to his daughter, and how does he get her back.
INT/EXT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Call to Adventure and Denial of that Call) Kid makes a split decision, showing her dad that she’s a devil behind the wheel. Gets away from the cops.
CONT.
(Meeting with the Mentor) Kid confesses to Dad. Kid – “It’s not my fault.” Dad – “Where did I go wrong?” Showing difference in mindset between the two and what each has to figure out for the story.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 – The dad has a choice: turn his daughter in, or try to mend the relationship that was lost. He chooses to go with his daughter, instead of turning her into the cops.
EXT. GAS STATION – DAY
(Catalyst) Car is almost out of gas/Kid is forced to finally stop at gas station. Mom calls Dad and reveals the two are on TV and wanted, wants to know what’s going on.
INT. DRIVER’S ED CAR
(Debate) Dad discusses with mom whether to turn in daughter or not.
CONT.
(Acceptance of the Call) Dad hangs up, deciding to join Kid to find out what happened to his child.
INT. MOB BOSS’ OFFICE – DAY
(Crossing the Threshold with a minor Sacrifice) Kid and Dad appear on TV. Gate Guard confirms that the Kid on TV is the same one that stole the Mob Boss’ prized Countach. It’s personal.
EXT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY
Kid parks wanted car in lot behind diner.
INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL DINER – DAY
(First Trial/Forging Allies) Kid takes Dad to Ally. Hooks them up with burgers and a new car. Dad reminisces about diner being a favorite of theirs growing up.
EXT/INT. HOLE-IN-THE-WALL-DINER / ADJACENT CORNER STORE – DAY
(Second Trial/Escaping Death with a moderate Sacrifice) Cops and Mob catch up with Kid.
CONT.
(Reaping the Reward) Kid pulls out in owner’s Civic Type-R, outrunning everyone. Ally is brought in for questioning/killed by the mob.
INT. CIVIC TYPE-R – DAY
Kid and Dad get dressed in new clothes and disguises.
5. Mid-Point – Turns out the Maserati the Kid stole belonged to a drug lord, and he put a hit on the Kid. Now the Kid sees her actions have consequences that affect her family.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(Approach to the Inner Cave/Gaining Confidence) Kid and Dad flee to the Kid’s old school to hide out.
CONT.
(Midpoint/Moment of Death and Rebirth) “This is where it happened.” Kid reveals to Dad she was abused at school by classmates while teachers and admins looked the other way.
CONT.
(Securing the Maguffin or Refusing Temptation) Dad and Kid connect on the need to control their lives to avoid previous tragedy. New memory is made.
CONT.
(Bad Guys Close In) Mob and Cops close in when Janitor sees the Kid and Dad and calls them in.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2 – The dad is shot in the crossfire between cops and the cartel.
EXT. MIDDLE SCHOOL GROUNDS – NIGHT
(All is Lost) Dad gets shot in the crossfire between the cops and the mob.
7. Crisis – The Kid gets herself and her dad out okay, but her dad’s bleeding out.
INT/EXT. CIVIC TYPE-R – NIGHT
(Dark Night of the Soul) Kid takes Dad to Hospital.
EXT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
Arrive at Hospital, but it’s too late. Kid takes off, running away.
8. Climax – After watching her father die, the Kid turns herself in, but on the condition that she help take down the drug lord.
EXT. INTERSTATE – NIGHT
(Prepare for Battle/Maguffin comes into Play) Kid calls 9-1-1. Promises to turn herself in if she can go after the Mob.
INT/EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
(Execution of Plan A) Kid goes after the Mob, leading Cops along the way.
CONT.
(False Victory) Kid makes it to warehouse, Cops search the premises for her and come across evidence of Mob’s efforts.
CONT.
(Falling into the Trap) Kid falls into trap set by Mob boss. Has to escape.
CONT.
(Opponent’s Victory at Hand) Mob Boss is a better driver than even the Kid. Runs her down and cripples her.
CONT.
(Hero Goes Alone/Last Ditch Effort) Kid is more reckless than Mob Boss, and gets the upper hand.
CONT.
Kid and Boss race. Kid wins.
9. Resolution – The Kid avenges her father and goes to prison. She sets up a memorial to her father and dedicates her life and love of cars to his memory.
EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
Kid accepts the handcuffs. Goes willingly with cops.
EXT. DRIVING LOT
Kid’s eyes, now older, looking over a lot where she helps teens through driving courses.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Cameron Martin. Reason: Formatting for greater clarity
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PS81 Dev Ross – 1<sup>st</sup> Pass
What I learned doing this lesson is that I need to do more research on the world of White Supremacists. The second act has been very difficult in that I’m trying to figure out how to work this riddle of two different dimensions shifting in and out of one another. This kind of story is way out of my comfort zone… which is great!
LOGLINE: Outshined by the latest hate groups, a fading KKK Grand Dragon plots the murder of a black leader, but when he wakes the next morning, he is that black leader who is suddenly struck with a plan to murder the Grand Dragon.
Part to be changed: that his world view is askew.
Biggest fear: that his wife is having an affair with a black man.
Completion of arc: He understands that his own hate is what has killed him.
1. PLOT CHOICE: RIDDLE
OPENING: We hear news reports about climate change and how it could be why unexplained weather events are occurring.
Under a threatening sky, a large White Supremacist gathering takes place. Grand Dragon JAY CAINE is slated to speak. He tosses off what he feels must be imagined slights from the organizers but then he’s literally booed off stage as a White Supremacist in Name Only — a SINO. Crowd wants to hear from the other, newer, sexier leaders of the movement.
INCITING INCIDENT: His eighteen-year- old daughter informs she’s pregnant with boyfriend’s child. They’re keeping it. Getting married. Her future husband is black. Despite the pleas of his wife, Caine disowns his daughter and kicks her out. Moments later, there is a slight earthquake. Caine thinks God’s warning him to set things right.
Page 10: Cross burning on his lawn! Word has gotten out about his daughter. How can he lead if he can’t even control his kid? Followers demand he step down as Grand Dragon. He’s got to re-establish his power! But how?
First Turning point, End Act 1: The skies continue to roil. Jay plans to assassinate LINCOLN ABLE, black community leader. He cleans his rifle then goes to sleep next to his wife. The earth rumbles outside. Wakes up as Lincoln Able, next to his black wife. But as he fully awakes, his thought being someone else fade like a dream you had and can’t remember. Now all he knows is that he’s struck with the driving need to kill the Grand Dragon.
Mid. Pt: Having failed to assassinate Jackson, who always seems to be one step ahead of him, Jay’s obsession grows to the point of accusing his wife of warning the man. In an Iago-esque moment, he even accuses her of having an affair with him. She packs up, leaves.
Second Turning point at end of Act II: Because of his growing paranoid behavior, Lincoln’s wife insists he get help or she taking their son and leaving.
Crisis: Lincoln is driving to a therapy session when he sees his same make and color of car drive past with Jacob driving. Car chase ensues.
Climax: The men end up in an old cotton processing plant. The weather is threatening. It’s a cat and mouse chase. Bullets ricochet and both are hit. Dying, they both try to drag themselves out of the plant. Both end face down in water. They lift their heads to see each other’s in reflection in the water. Thunder and rain cease after they both die.
Resolution: The world looks different. Jay’s daughter and husband stroll their baby past black and white townspeople, including “Painter Boy,” who wave and greet them.
Part to be changed: His deep seeded belief that all blacks are inferior and must be mastered.
Biggest fear: That his beautiful wife doesn’t really love him.
Completion of arc: With his realization that his entire life was ruled by a lie, his version of the world dies and a new one comes to being.
2. INT. HOTEL LOBBY – DAY
Lobby tv sets show news on odd climate event, relate it climate change as Grand Dragon JAY CAINE, full of himself, arrives to speak at White Supremacists Conference. He’s confused and embarrassed as he’s hounded offstage, called at SINO. Supremacist in Name Only.
3. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Returns home to find wife, a nurse, hurrying out to work night shift at hospital, and daughter off on a date. He eats dinner alone. Checks news. More on odd weather.
4. INT. CAINE’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
Can’t sleep.
5. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Jay heads into his den. KKK stuff everywhere. He puts on his white robes, falls asleep on couch.
6. EXT. HOME – DAY
Jay works painting a house. It’s going too slow for customer who says he should hire help. Offers up her grandson who is half-black. (more here about the boy/artist/good worker. Jay says it’s his white half.) Jay can’t help but like the kid. He’s good and that, as much as pleases him, pisses him off. Doesn’t fit with his narrative of anyone black. He’ll watch for the other shoe to drop.
7. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
INCITING INCIDENT Daughter tells her parents she’s pregnant by black boyfriend. She tells her father it’s time to change. Despite his wife’s pleas, he throws his daughter out, disowns her.
8. EXT. ANOTHER HOUSE PAINTING JOB – DAY
Jay lashes out at boy helper for no reason. Painter Boy kid questions him about his hate for blacks. Jay quotes (misquotes) the bible. Black man, according to God, is to be subservient to the white man. Sudden wind and bad weather. They have to stop work.
9. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
Klan meeting. Only a handful show up. They say that they need to do something to get back their membership. Jay has no ideas. Wind howls outside.
10. INT. BAR – NIGHT
Jay drinks too much. Gets in fight about his daughter. Gets a call from wife. Come home.
11. EXT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Wind whipping the fire of the cross burning on his lawn. Sign says “Nigger Lover.” Jay is furious and feels powerless at the same time. Fire trucks arrive.
12. INT. CAINE HOME – NEXT DAY
Wife asks him to make his own dinner. She’s working late again. He feels emasculated. Watches handsome Black Leader LINCOLN ABLE on news. Wife comments how good looking he is. Jay goes nuts. She leaves. Jay knows what he’s going to do. He’s going to assassinate Able Lincoln.
13. INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT
Jay cleans his rifle. Falls asleep on the couch while the wind blowing outside sounds a high-pitched warning…
14. INT. BASEMENT – MORNING
Same location, only in reverse. The sleeping man stirs and wakens. When he sits up, we see he’s the black man Lincoln Able. He’s wobbly. Like he’s had an intense dream that he can’t remember. He struck with the overwhelming desire to murder the Grand Dragon. Pushes it away.
ACT TWO
1. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln goes door to door to register black voters. A car follows him from house to house.
2. INT./EXT. HOME – DAY
He registers an old couple to vote. See’s car outside. Heads out to confront whomever it is but the car speeds away.
3. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
Caine waits for members to show. They don’t. He’s even more charged up to do the deed now. He’ll show them he’s not obsolete.
4. EXT. VOTER ACTION GROUP – DAY
Lincoln meets with activists when a car speeds by and shoots out their front plate glass window. Police take report and will check on car but activists know it will stop there.
5. INT. LINCOLN’S HOME – NIGHT
He tells wife that someone is targeting him. She wants him to go to the police. He says he has no proof, besides whoever it is, is just trying to intimidate him from the work. He won’t be stopped. She begs him to go back to teaching. Is that any safer? Kids with guns?
6. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE RALLY – DAY
Lincoln is a speaker. A rifle shot rings out. Misses. Lincoln sees a man running away. Sprints after him, almost on him, but loses him…
7. INT. CAINE HOME – DAY
Breathless, Caine makes it home. Locks himself inside. Surprised by his wife who is just getting dressed. He thought she was at work. She was. Came home to shower and change to go back and do a double shift. He looks outside. Thinks he sees someone dashing away. He suspects she’s having an affair. Paint boy comes by looking for work. How did the boy know where he lives? Suspicious. Weather roils and quakes.
8. EXT. GET OUT THE VOTE – BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
Lincoln assures staff he won’t be deterred. Canvasses with them. Bad weather sends them off…
9. INT. LINCOLN HOME – DAY
Lincoln’s wife is home. Unusual as she should be teaching. She says she wasn’t feeling well. Lincoln sees someone hurrying away from the house. Painter boy shows up and says he’d like to volunteer. Weather roils and quakes.
10. INT. CAINE HOME – NIGHT
Caine’s wife gets ride home from work from a black co-worker. Her car broke down. Caine accuses her of having an affair with the man. She laughs at him. He’s being ridiculous. He hits her. She leaves him in Uber that Painter boy is driving.
11. INT. CAINE BASEMENT – NIGHT
He calls his sister. It’s late and she was asleep. He talks about her rape by black men, how he should have saved her. He cries. She says to let it go. It was a long time ago. She was an addict. Shit happens. Caine is furious. Heads out.
12. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
He drives around looking for someone to kill. Sees a car with Lincoln driving. Follows Lincoln. He rams the car. Man inside is dead. He’s black but he’s not Lincoln.
13. EXT. BLACK NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT
Lincoln passes a white man standing over a black man on the street. White man jumps back in his car, speeds away. Lincoln pulls gun out, speeds after him while crowd gathers over man lying in street.
ACT THREE
1. EXT. CITY STREETS – NIGHT
Car chase through the city. Alarms go off as quakes hit.
2. EXT./INT. COTTON PROCESSING PLANT – NIGHT
Both men chase shadows. More quakes cause near collapse of building.
3. EXT. SKY – NIGHT
It appears to be ripping apart.
4. INT. PLANT – NIGHT
Their search of each other intensifies. Their bullets ricochet and each is struck. Building is coming down. Both drag themselves to get out.
5. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Jay drags himself out into the night. Moon shines down on pools of water. As he bleed out, he sees his reflection in the water and doesn’t understand.
6. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Lincoln drags himself out, sees his reflection in water. See’s Jay.
7. EXT. PLANT – NIGHT
Jay sees Lincoln. For a beat, they both appear together until a BRIGHT FLASH OF LIGHT takes us out…
8. EXT. MIXED NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY
The world looks different, is different. Jay’s daughter and husband stroll their baby past black and white townspeople, including “Painter Boy,” who wave and greet them.
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Nancy Kates first pass outlining assignment for SWITCHEROO
What I learned from this: it was hard, and even though I spent a lot of time on it, I’m not sure I really got that far. Though imagining scenes is kind of fun. I would like to be more efficient with this homework.
Concept: Two good friends, one lesbian and partnered, the other straight, married with three kids, eat magic cake and switch bodies. After a lot of conflict, they discover that they must learn to work together and become more like the other in order to overcome their situation and return to their lives.
Plot: Transformation/quest. Each woman has a quality that the other one lacks, and each must grow and transform toward the quality they lack, in order to undo the switch and allow them to return to their own bodies.
Existing Outline:
1. Marilyn and Zoe meet at a cafe for Zoe’s 46th birthday. Marilyn complains about Doug, her husband. They order a fancy chocolate cake, which is insanely expensive, but also the best chocolate cake they’ve ever had.
2. Inciting incident: They leave the cafe, and SHAZAAM! They discover they have switched bodies.
3. By page 10 (possibly a couple of pages later, really) they go back to the cafe, now closed, and find a note telling them that they can’t tell anyone, and they have only 72 hours to figure out how to correct the switch, or it will become permanent.
4. Turning Point at the end of Act 1: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) looks through Doug’s shoulder bag and finds condoms, which seems to indicate that he’s having an affair, ie cheating on Marilyn.
Marilyn’s Act 1 turning point: she discovers she really likes kissing Heidi, Zoe’s partner. She doesn’t know what to do about it, particularly because Zoe and Heidi are experiencing “lesbian bed death. “
5. Midpoint: Zoe starts to soften a bit towards the kids, enjoying cuddling with them, etc.
6. Act II turning point: Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) sleeps with Heidi, and really enjoys it.
7. Crisis: Marilyn confesses to Zoe that she slept with Heidi. They have a huge fight. Marilyn is tempted to stay in Zoe’s body, which is also infuriating for Zoe.
8. Marilyn apologizes, they vow to work together to get themselves back into their own bodies. Each starts to appreciate the other a bit more.
9. Resolution
They return to the cafe, which is finally open again, as the clock runs out on the 72 hours… and confront the barista. The barista asks what each has learned about the other’s life, like a couples counselor for them as friends.
Zoe runs to the bathroom, because she feels ill. When she looks in the mirror, she is back in her own body.
The friends hug in relief, the barista smiles at them in congratulations.
Character Arcs for the two protagonists:
Marilyn’s problem is not valuing herself enough. she spends all her time and energy taking care of others, as a mother, wife, and even at work. She doesn’t fully value herself.
Biggest fear: that if she changes, she might fail, and she’ll also let everyone else down
Completion of her arc: she starts to value herself more, prioritizing her wants and needs
Zoe’s problem: she’s very controlling. Everything has to be perfect. She’s not terribly empathetic
Biggest fear: losing control, chaos
Completion of her arc: she loosens control, and becomes more empathetic.
INT ZOE APT: everything has to be absolutely perfect before the inciting incident
INT. MARILYN HOUSE things are fairly chaotic before they go to the cafe
INT CAFE They encounter the non-binary barista, eat the cake, and pay the exhorbitant bill
EXT CAFE They switch bodies, then discover the cafe is closed, but they have 72 hours to switch back. They can’t tell anyone.
EXT CAFE they exchange keys, phones, information
INT MARILYN’S HOME: Zoe is completely out of her element, doesn’t know how to take are of the kids, feeds wheat to the gluten-free kid, contends with the youngest, who senses that this person is not really her mother
INT ZOE’S HOUSE: Marilyn is able to relax for the first time in ages. She takes a bubble bath, and leisurely makes dinner for herself and Heidi, which surprises Heidi, since Zoe doesn’t really cook
INT MARILYN’S BEDROOM: Zoe sleeps as far away from Doug as is humanly possible, which is sort of easy because they have a king-sized bed. His snoring keeps her awake, and at leat one child knocks every three hours. It’s a nightmare.
INT MARILYN’S HOUSE: Zoe rifles through Doug’s shoulder bag while he’s in the shower, trying to find out more about him. She discovers some condoms, which seem to be clear indications that he is cheating on Marilyn.
INT. ZOE’S HOUSE: Heidi asks Marilyn (in Zoe’s body) about something they discussed in couple’s counseling. Marilyn pretends to have forgotten, which really puzzles Heidi. She frantically texts Zoe, who is too busy with the kids to respond.
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE: Zoe reaches a breaking point with the children, and calls Marilyn, totally freaked out. She is angry that she has to deal with the kids, and gets mad at Marilyn. Marilyn talks her down. Zoe starts to find small things about the kids endearing (but it takes a while). She tries to channel her inner nurturer, which is hard to find.
INT ZOE’S HOUSE: Marilyn works remotely. She starts to take care of something that is the responsibility of one of her coworkers, then realizes she really doesn’t have to, and tell shim off. She shocks herself.
INT. MARILYN’S HOUSE: Zoe (in Marilyn’s body) confronts Doug about the condoms. They have a huge fight. He admits he is seeing someone on the side. He expresses remorse. Zoe is supposed to be angry, and yet has some compassion for Doug.
INT. ZOE’S HOUSE: After Zoe loses her shit at her, Marilyn decides to act on her feelings for Marilyn, and seduces her after dinner. She’s ecstatic.
The two characters need a climactic scene where they fight but then have to take on the characteristic they’re missing. Haven’t figured this out yet.
After they return to their own bodies, Marilyn confronts Doug again, this time as herself. They take their conflict to couples counseling.
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PS81 – Dana’s First Pass
What I learned during this assignment:
Assembling the most poignant scenes in this first pass helped me visualize the script to move the story forward without worrying about the entire story, which is what I used to do. Work smarter, not harder.
1. LONGLINE
A schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder calls a radio psychiatrist and warns that his more dominant and violent personality will kill one member of the psychiatrist’s kidnapped family every hour on air unless the psychiatrist can excise the personality before the end of the show.
2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #8 RIVALRY
(After reviewing the Dramatic Plots again, I have changed to Rivalry)
The psychiatrist, new to radio, is concerned with her low ratings. When a caller phones in and tells her that he has kidnapped her husband and two daughters, she is stunned. She decides it’s a crank call, but she tries to call her husband to confirm her family’s safety. When they cannot be found, the police are called, and a detective arrives at the station to investigate. Her next caller is her husband telling her on air that he and their two daughters have been kidnapped. She is pitted against a violent schizophrenic that forces her to turn against her hypocritic oath to do no harm to the patient to save her family.
3. STRUCTURE
Opening Scene: In traffic, heading to work, Dr. Ellen receives from producer. She’s late for the staff meeting. She’s on her way. She then receives a call from her husband telling her that his car won’t start, and that he’s using Uber to drop their children off at school late before heading work. They argue over picking them up. She agrees.
Inciting Incident: Dr. Ellen receives a call on air from a patient suffering from multiple personality disorder who tells her that his violent personality has kidnapped her family and is threatening to kill them.
First Act Turning Point: The patient calls back and puts her husband on the call. He confirms that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
Midpoint: Unable to talk her patient down on air, the violent personality forces her to choose one member of her family to be killed. Unable to choose, she screams at him not to harm her daughters, and by default she has chosen her husband who is shot on air.
Second Act Turning Point: To save her daughters, and with the police unable to find the man, Dr. Ellen decides to extract the patient’s suppressed, manic-depressive personality and manipulate him to save her daughters.
Crisis: Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, she manipulates him to commit suicide to save her daughters, only for his violent personality to reemerge.
Climax: She pits the two personalities against each other, pushing the patient to kill himself before his violent side can killer one of her daughters. The gun goes off. Nothing is known…until the cops kick the door and find the man dead. Her daughters are saved.
Resolution: The detective who managed the investigation from the radio station, puts Dr. Ellen in the back of a car to take her to her daughters. They wave goodbye to each other. It’s over.
Back at the station house, the detective receives a phone call from a physician at a psych hospital. He informs the detective that the patient was being held for observation and was had only released that morning. The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
Aerial shot over the city. Another radio show is talking about Dr. Ellen’s nightmare when the host receives a call. It’s Dr. Ellen’s patient who said, “Love your show. Long time listener. First time caller.”
4. Protagonist Character Arc: Dr. Ellen goes from an insecure radio personality concerned about ratings to a powerful psychiatrist that takes down a violent schizophrenic on air.
Part to be changed: Insecure about her abilities
Biggest fear: Her family will be killed
Completion of Arc: Defeats the schizophrenic patient that kidnapped her family5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE
Opening Scene: Heading to work, Dr. Ellen receives from producer. She’s late for the staff meeting. She’s on her way. She then receives a call from her husband telling her that his car won’t start, and that he’s using Uber to drop their children off at school late before heading work. They argue over picking them up. She agrees.
1. INT./EXT. ELLEN’S CAR – DAY
Ellen in her car listening to a competitor’s radio show on her way to work. She receives a phone call from her producer that she’s late to the staff meeting. She’s hurrying.
She receives a phone call from her husband that his car won’t start and has called Uber to take their daughters to school before he heads to work. He needs Ellen to pick them up. They argue, but she agrees.
2. EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY
Ellen arrives at work and runs into her radio station.
3. INT. HALLWAY – DAY
Ellen’s producer meets her, panicked that she’s late to the meeting. The producer hands Ellen what she needs and takes her purse to her office.
4. INT. CONFERENC ROOM – DAY
Ellen comes in late to a packed room. Every chair around the table is full. When she sits down, the meeting is adjourned. She’s mortified. Ellen meets with the station manager. He’s concerned about her ratings. She needs to get them up.
Inciting Incident: Dr. Ellen receives a call on air from a patient suffering from multiple personality disorder who tells her that his violent personality has kidnapped her family and is threatening to kill them.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about: Dr. Ellen will be pitted against a violent schizophrenic to save her family.
5. INT. ON AIR STUDIO – DAY
Ellen is at the microphone. Her producer is in the control booth. The station manager is hovering listening to the first call. It’s boring. The station manager leaves, disappointed. The next caller is a patient. He tells Ellen that he has kidnapped her family and threatens to kill them.
Believing the call is a crank, Dr. Ellen hangs up and goes to break.
6. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
The station manager comes in. Quips about boring calls. Ellen tries to call her husband, but his phone goes to voicemail. She calls her children’s school. Her children have not arrived yet. Call when they arrive.
7. INT. STATION MANAGER’S OFFICE – DAY
Concerned, the station manager calls the police.
8. INT. POLICE STATION – DETECTIVE SQUAD
Lieutenant assigns the investigation to a detective.
9. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen is on air with another caller. During the break, she tries her husband again. Nothing. Calls his work. The school hasn’t called.
10. INT. STATION ENTRY – DAY
Detective arrives. Meets station manager.
11. CONRTOL BOOTH – DAY
During break, the Detective and Ellen talk about her husband. He took Uber. They’ll check it out. Where does he work? Dispatch a unit to his work and to her daughter’s school.
First Act Turning Point: The patient calls back and puts her husband on the call. He confirms that he and their daughters have been kidnapped.
12. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen takes another caller. It’s her husband. He’s been kidnapped with their two daughters. The patient comes on the line. He explains the rules of the game.
13. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
Detective steps out to coordinate investigation with agencies.
14. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen, in shock, tries to talk to the patient down.
Midpoint: Unable to talk her patient down on air, the violent personality forces her to choose one member of her family to be killed. Unable to choose, she screams at him not to harm her daughters, and by default she has chosen her husband who is shot on air.
15. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen, now talking with patient, in therapy session. The clock is coming up on the first hour. Detective – in the control booth – telling her to stall. On his phone.
16. EXT. HOUSE – DAY
SWAT team in full gear breach the front door.
17. INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY
A man, ducked taped to a chair, tortured, dead. This is the Uber driver.
18. INT. CONTROL BOOTH – DAY
Detective gets the call. It’s not him.
19. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
The patient toys with Ellen. He knows they found the Uber driver. It’s time to choose someone to die. Ellen cannot choose and fights for her daughters. The husband is then chosen by default.
We hear the husband dragged into the room. He tries to tell Ellen he lovers her. A gun goes off. The patient says it’s time for a hard break and hangs up.
Ellen flees from the booth, hysterical.
20. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The detective grabs her, and she falls into his arm on the floor, sobbing, emotions out of control. She says she’s going to be sick.
21. INT. RESTROOM – DAY
The detective kicks open the door. Ellen falls to a toilet and throws up. He tries to comfort her. She slaps him hard, taking out her frustration. He tells she must be strong for her daughters.
The station manager comes in. The caller is back on the line.
22. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen, barely able to speak, sits down at her microphone to speak with the patient. But now it’s someone new. A young boy. Another personality. She engages him and realizes she knows the patient.
23. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The Detective gives his team the name. They begin searching for the man. They need his records. Go to Dr. Ellen’s and get the files.
24. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen hesitates, faltering. Her producer and station manager are worried. They try to get her attention, back on air. The Detective reenters.
Ellen has sinister visage. She begins to speak with the young boy about a past personality and she begins to draw him out. The others wonder what she’s doing.
SECOND ACT TURNING POINT: Dr. Ellen successfully extracts one of her patient’s suppressed personalities, a manic-depressive, and manipulates him to save her daughters.
25. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen draws out the new personality and begins to push him deeper into his depressive state, telling him that the only way for him to have peace is to kill himself. She pushes hard, but the patient resists.
26. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The Detective receives call from station. They have a bead on the patient. His sister lives in Memphis. The patient is one of San Francisco’s homeless. Check homeless shelters, hospitals to find someone who knows him who would know where he might be.
CRISIS: Having successfully drawn the manic-depressive personality from her patient, she manipulates him to commit suicide before his violent personality kills her daughters, only for his violent personality to reemerge.
27. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen pulls out the personality, but before she can manipulate him, the violent personality intercedes. It’s not a battle of wills.
28. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
They got a fix. The patient used to live with at another homeless guy in a flop house. They have units on the way.
Climax: She pits the two personalities against each other.
29. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen pits the patient’s two personalities against each other. They fight for dominance. More violent.
30. INT. SWAT VAN – DAY
Enroute, the SWAT team is getting ready.
31. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen is finally in control, calm, pushing the manic-depressive personality to take over and save her daughters, not to let the other personality win.
32. INT. CORRIDOR – DAY
The Detective on his phone, listening. SWAT is close. Minutes away.
33. INT. ON AIR BOOTH – DAY
Ellen is pushing hard. The two personalities yelling back and forth. The gun goes off. Nothing is heard. Ellen, stands, looking around that the others. All wait, holding their breathes.
We hear SWAT kick the door. Noise. Confusion.
The Detective enters the booth. The caller is dead. Her daughters are saved. Ellen collapses.
Resolution: The detective who managed the investigation from the radio station, puts Dr. Ellen in the back of a car to take her to her daughters. They wave goodbye to each other. It’s over.
Back at the station house, the detective receives a phone call from a physician at a psych hospital. He informs the detective that the patient was being held for observation and was had only released that morning. The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
Aerial shot over the city. Another radio show is talking about Dr. Ellen’s nightmare when the host receives a call. It’s Dr. Ellen’s patient who said, “Love your show. Long time listener. First time caller.”
34. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
Press and photographer surround the station. The Detective walks Ellen out to a waiting car. She’s wrapped in a blanket, emotionally drained.
35. INT. CAR – DAY
The car pulls away from the station. Ellen looks out the back window at the Detective watching her leave. She places her hand against the window to wave goodbye and thanks.
36. EXT. RADIO STATION – DAY
The Detective waves back and watches Ellen drive off. Flash bulbs go off. Questions assail him.
37. INT. POLICE STATION – DAY
The Detective enters the squad room. The other detectives stand and applaud. He’s given a heroes’ welcome. His lieutenant tells him to take the rest of the day.
The Detective sits at his desk as everyone gets back to work. He gets a call from a physician that tells him that the patient was being held at his clinic for observation for the past 10 days. The Detective opens his computer and types in the man’s name. He’s in the system.
COMPUTER SCREEN: The picture is the same man. The Detective then opens the man’s patient file he got from Dr. Ellen. He scans the names of his other personalities. The man was held at the clinic under another name.
The detective realizes there had to be someone else involved.
38. EXT. SAN FRANCISCO – MORNING
Another morning talk show host is talking about Dr. Ellen. They open the show to callers. The first caller is the violent personality. He tells the host he loves his show. “I’m a lone times listener. First time caller.”
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Matthew Frendo’s First Pass
What I learned from this assignment was how easy it is to fill in parts using this method. I also learned how to make sure the character arc is strong before starting.
Concept: What if the judicial
system was switched to social media voting, with those found guilty having to
go through livestreamed battles and deadly challenges as people at home vote on
their punishment?Plot Choice and Summary: The Riddle – Alicia ends up in the punishment games, but has no idea who she is or why she’s there. Now, she has to figure out who she is, who put her there and why, while surviving the worst punishments the audience can imagine.
9 Beats: 1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges.Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: Alicia has no idea who she is or why she was put into this system.
Biggest fear: to be responsible for her innocent people, like her sister, dying this way.
Completion of arc: Find out who she really is – the person who created this system and inadvertently killed her own sister in doing so, until she joined the rebels, who put her into game as a spy, to the person who will sacrifice herself to destroy it.
Plot in Structure:
1. Opening Host gives intro into the event and the people who were chosen, including a girl no one ever heard of named Alicia.
INT. BEGINNING ROOMS – DAY
Alicia says to the camera and everyone else that she doesn’t know why she’s there, but no one cares.
INT. WEAPONS ROOM – DAY
The prisoners pick out weapons, Alicia doesn’t know what she’s good at or what to get.
INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY
Prisoners decide not to do it and don’t want to risk their lives.
2. Inciting Incident. The prisoners’ loved ones are kept in a cage with a bomb…and if they don’t go through the challenges quickly enough, the bomb goes off.INT. PASSAGE TO FIRST ROOM – DAY
They are forced to go in quickly.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about. First person dies horribly in event after losing their challenge, setting things in motion.INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY
Some freak out, some don’t. Alicia oddly doesn’t.
INT. SECOND ROOM – DAY
Second person goes through and loses, killed again. Alicia tries to save him, but can’t and no one else helps.
INT. FIRST TEAM ROOM – DAY
Team finds out they have to do some tasks together and that the ones they lost would have made this room easier. They barely make it out, with one badly injured, but Alicia saves him at end.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1 Realize they need to become a team to survive and start working together to get out of the challenges.INT. ROOM THREE – DAY
The group helps the person get through it and Alicia finds out she is good at puzzles. Like weirdly good at puzzles.
INT. BREAKROOM – DAY
They are given a break off camera, where they tell about each other. Find out Alicia knows next to nothing about herself.
INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY
They are about to go into another room, when an explosion rocks the whole place and makes them go off air.
5. Mid-Point Alicia is pulled into fake room off camera and finds out she is there as part of a resistance. They tell her what to do and that it’s important she doesn’t know who she is.INT. ROOM FOUR – DAY
They help the person survive, as Alicia finds out she is a bomb expert. The person they told her to watch for seems nice.
INT. ROOM FIVE – DAY
Alicia is supposed to let this one die, as the rebels said it was the enemy, but she can’t and saves him anyway.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2. A favorite young prisoner is killed in the contest unfairly…and Alicia makes sure the audience sees it in horrifying detail.INT. ROOM SIX – DAY
This is Alicia’s room, but right before she’s about to die, the whole place shuts down.
INT. PASSAGEWAY – DAY
Alicia and her friends go quickly to make it out while they have the chance.
INT. EXIT – DAY
They get to an exit. They can now escape or save their loved ones. Alicia goes back for her father.
INT. BARE ROOM – NIGHT
The amnesiac drug wears off and Alicia finds out she was the one who built this thing and is here to destroy it after it killed her sister.
7. Crisis. Alicia has a choice: she can save her wretched father or find out who did this to her, why they did it and get revenge.INT. PASSAGEWAY – NIGHT
Alicia goes for revenge and to end this place.
INT. VIP LOUNGE – NIGHT
She finds the people, her former friends who didn’t recognize her and a battle ensues. They want her to come back. She refuses.
8. Climax Alicia finds the people who put here there. She puts them all into the challenges and releases the information she unknowingly had on them and what they are doing to the world.INT. HOSTAGE ROOM – NIGHT
She releases the hostages, including her Dad, who finally forgives her for her sister.
9. Resolution She leaves the challenges a hero. -
PS81 Plotting and Outlining Day DAY 8 SECOND PASS
What I learned from this assignment; examining the outline helped me to see that really the story made sense but it lacked zap and needed more tension/conflict. One of the antagonists needed a larger, darker role. The father needed to be more assertive, and Dylan needed to rebel more in order to find his strength. The concept of hopelessness and joylessness and new light at the end of the tunnel needed to be emphasized and more elements of new joy.
SILENT NIGHT ORIGINAL
CONCEPT;
It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.
Lead Characters Dylan, a 13-year-old boy, Steve, Dylan’s father, Alfie the dog, catalyst for healing/change.
Plot/number 11 Metamorphosis
3 Act Structure
9 BEATS (Main) ORIGINAL
1. OPENING
DYLAN exits school, looking warily behind, and then starts to run.
MISS ELIZABETH PERKINS is standing on the school steps, smiling and watching as a group of boys start to pursue Dylan into the village High St.
2. INCITING INCIDENT
Terrified, Dylan hides in doorways and eventually is forced to jump into a garbage skiff at the back of the fish and chip shop.
The boys give up. Dylan emerges from under the trash; he hears noises, very scared he starts to cry, and then a dirty scruffy huge all-black Newfoundland
(ALFIE) emerges with the fish and chip newspaper wrapping in his mouth. Dylan screams and cowers in fear. Alfie speaks telepathically to Dylan
3. FIRST TURNING POINT
Alfie wins Dylan over with his telepathic superpowers. They go home to find a starving Alfie food.
MIDPOINT
4. INT; DYLAN AND STEVE’S COTTAGE/DAY.
Dylan is discovered washing Alfie in the bathtub. Steve tells Dylan they cannot keep the dog. Steve was annoyed as Elizabeth the teacher was to come over for supper, now the house is muddy and smells like a dog.
SECOND TURNING POINT END ACT 2
5. INT: INDIAN RESTAURANT/EVENING
Elizabeth suggests the end to Steve’s problems is to send Dylan away to a boarding school.
CRISIS
6. Dylan tries to communicate with his Dad about abuse at the school using pictures, it fails. Elizabeth calls Steve to the school to give him the paperwork to sign for the boarding school application. Steve allows Alfie to stay for one more night
Steve has an interview at Dylan’s school. He agrees to consider the boarding school option and takes the paperwork home. Elizabeth continues to flirt with Steve. Steve is not entirely easy with Elizabeth.s moves. Steve, Alfie, and Dylan go for a walk through the Christmas High Stree to the bakery where Steve meets a fun attractive woman that meets with Alfie and Dylan’s approval. The next day, Steve informs Dylan that the boarding school is definitely on the cards. Dylan runs out of the house. When he gets to school he observes his friend Daisy being locked in the school cellar. Dylan and Alfie discuss the problem telepathically, and Alfie insists Dylan use his words to get help for Daisy. Dylan speaks to his Dad for the first time in two years since his mother died. All he says is “Help Daisy” and drags his Dad in the direction of the school. Elizabeth intimidates Daisy into taking responsibility for being locked in the cellar.
RESOLUTION
7. Alfie takes the pictures Dylan drew of the evil events at the school to Steve. Steve gets it and says there will be no more talk of boarding school. Alfie talks to Dylan and explains how important it is, not just for Dylan but for the other people in his life, his stressed out Dad, and his friends that he starts speaking again. Alfie talks to Dylan about his mother’s death and how she would be unhappy if Dylan continues to be bullied or gets sent away to boarding school. Dylan draws another picture to communicate to Steve how much he loves Alfie..
8. Dylan, Steve, and Alfie go shopping in the village. Dylan points and waves at the bakery.
They go in and buy all sorts of Christmas goodies. Steve seems to really see Mickey for the first time. He likes her. Alfie gets more dog cookies. Mickey is just about to close the shop and suggest they all go to the seafront cafe for hot chocolate.
9. Dylan holds his Dad’s hand and points to the village’s huge Christmas tree, lights sparkling snowflakes falling. Dylan speaks “Christmas magic.” F.O.
NEW VERSION
Concept: Concept same/ Plot number 11 Metamorphosis
It’s almost Christmas in a picture-perfect English village. a stray Newfoundland dog, Alfie who has telepathic superpowers befriends 13-year-old Dylan saving him from a series of unpleasant events, the loving relationship between Alfie and Dylan, helps Dylan to understand how his choice to be mute must change in order that Dylan has a happier life and to accept the death of his mother, saving him, just in the nick of time, from being sent away to a ‘special school, arranged by his covertly and generally evil Dad’s girlfriend, Miss Perkins, (Dylan’s grade 6 teacher), luckily Alfie saves the magic and joy of the Christmas by introducing the very lonely Steve (Dylan’s Dad) to a new love interest.
CHANGES
Lead Characters: Changes added Elisabeth expanded role
Dylan, Steve (Dylan’s Dad), Alfie, and Elisabeth
Plot/Structure: Metamorphosis (11) 3 Act Structure
:
Main Conflict(s) changes Original concept was an internal conflict with regard to Dylan speaking or not speaking and his increased difficulties managing his school life.
New conflicts
Steve becomes more assertive with regard to Dylan’s problems. He takes the lead and dumps Elizabeth, (after her suggestion of boarding school.) This enrages her and escalates her abuse at the school.
Dylan and Alfie get into more scrapes and rebellion.
Dramatic Question(s) Will Dylan ever speak again NEW, How will Dylan stop the bullies?
Dilemma: Dylan feels safe not talking, and close to his bereaved mother’s death, NEW he also feels hopeless/joyless trying to deal with everything going wrong in his life. Alfie coaches him toward happiness.
New. DYLAN does not want to let his mother go If Dylan does not speak again he may lose Alfie, he will not be able to communicate effectively to stop or expose the escalating abuse at school, (now that his Dad has dumped an enraged Elizabeth.)
Theme
The way forward is through letting go of the illusion of safety. The relentless forces of the outside world make Dylan’s changes almost inevitable. Finding the way through grief to live again with the help of his dog, friends, and his Dad, he has to give up his cocoon of silence and deal with life
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Subject: Antonio Flores’ 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is…?
This is a structure, a scaffold, a roadmap and a yardstick to “measure” the result. WOW!
1. Give us your concept/logline.
A cheerleader fights in the underground MMA to rescue her fiancé, a fighter who, forced to hide a weapon of mass destruction, got kidnapped and poisoned – now she must win or die for the antidote in a cage tournament.
2. What is your plot choice and a quick summary of that plot? (From Day 2 and 3)
Plot 1 – Discovery: This plot is more about the character making the discovery than it is about the discovery itself. This story is often about having to reconcile past versus the new present for the character. “You were, you are, you will be” is how the story is delivered. The characters are searching to understand something fundamental about themselves. The character is being forced to look at their life for real and take stock of who he or she really is. In the end, they emerge much wiser, although often, they do so only just before dying.
I will also take some elements from the plot escape.
Plot 2 – Escape: Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
3. List all 9 beats of your structure. (From Day 5)
1. Opening
The silhouette of a lonely WOMAN gets on a treadmill. She wears a cheerleader mini-skirt over a skin-tight tracksuit and MMA gloves. She performs jabs, hooks and head guards while jugging. Her cellphone in the accessories tray, plays LOUD MUSIC into her earphones.
Somewhere else, a MANAGER helps his MMA FIGHTER step in the octagon. The fighter looks dazed. Disoriented, the FIGHTER catches the sight of a MAN IN A TUNIC. His hand holds a KNIFE up. THE BLADE progressively CHANGES COLOR — and so it does the WOUND on the fighter’s arm.
2. Inciting Incident
The WOMAN abruptly stops the treadmill. A TEXT PREVIEW displays on her cellphone screen: “HE’S GONE”.
Paralyzed with FEAR for a moment, she finally wipes her tears and replies: “I MUST FIND HIM. HELP ME.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The MANAGER introduces the WOMAN to a group of open-mouthed RING MASTERS who can’t stop looking at her with both, lust and disbelief. Yet, they agree to give her a try. She gets in the octagon cage with an opponent and shows them that the cartwheels, backflips and high kicks of a cheerleader can get “mixed” with the “mixed” MA.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
She gets signed in. Now she is an underground MMA prizefighter.
The WOMAN looks for her fiancé in every corner of the underground octagon, just to bump into a FEMALE RIVAL who advises her not to ever dream on becoming a champion.
5. Mid-Point
The woman observes the access to the facility from the roof. A man shows up. She recognizes him as the man who run away with her fiancé. She follows him and confronts him. Suddenly, a gang attacks them. A second group intervenes. As a result, everyone runs away except for her and the second group. Now, they give her a package and instruct her: “This is not the antidote, but it will keep him alive… and, by the way, you’ve got this whole thing wrong.” She is confused. Who are they? Why are they trying to help her fiancé?
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
The underground octagon wraps up for the night. She remains hidden in the facility. Her fiancé and the man who run away with him come out from nowhere. She follows them. The two men are ambushed by the first gang from the other night. Outnumbered, she freaks out. The three of them are taken prisoners.
They are transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. A deadly tournament will take place in there. The tournament prize is the antidote to neutralize her fiancé’s poisoning. She discovers that the breaking up with her fiancé was a way to prevent her from getting involved in a deadly conflict. The man who run away with her fiancé is a secret agent. Her fiancé was forced by circumstances to hide information about the location of a weapon of mass destruction. [FLASHBACK: exposition]
7. Crisis
The WOMAN develops her fighting skills under the expert coaching of her fiancé and the runaway partner.
After several attempts to escape have failed, they think on a new plan. Perhaps, to escape, they should stop running. The only way out is going through hell. Every guard has a cellphone. “Let’s steal one and send a message out,” her fiancé suggests. They manage to steal the device and send a message out… but the runaway partner gets killed in the process.
8. Climax
The tournament starts, but the woman’s fiancé is too weak to fight for the antidote, so she takes his place. She wins over the female rival and, against the odds, defeats the Goliath-like fighter, too. She is badly beaten. She collapses. It seems the end for her.
DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. The message went through! MACHINE GUNS shoot, resistance, people run… SMOKE… BAZOOKA fires… chaos. The fiancé urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms… DARKNESS.
9. Resolution
LOUD MUSIC. Young cheerleaders rehearse.
A wheelchair quietly rolls into the gym. The girls swarm around their old coach. Still bruised, but recovering, she shares her discovery:
“To cheer means to encourage, to do something that frightens you. Cheerleaders help others to conquer their fears, to stop running. Everyone should be a cheerleader for others in real life.”
The woman smiles when the young girls ask: “Have you ever conquered your fears?” “Wait — was it scary?”
4. Tell us the Character Arc of your protagonist and add it to your structure.
The woman starts off as a fearful person and then, she becomes a fearless and wiser fighter
Part to be changed: she is a fearful person who pretends to encourage others to face their fears
Biggest fear: to be outnumbered or overpowered
Completion of arc: she defeats opponents of far superior strength than hers in the MMA octagon
5. “What plot events would naturally fit into this structure?”
1. Opening
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU WERE… A CHEERLEADER
INT. FITNESS ROOM – NIGHT
The silhouette of a lonely WOMAN gets up on a treadmill. She wears a cheerleader mini-skirt over a skin-tight tracksuit and MMA gloves. She performs jabs, hooks and head guards while jugging. Her cellphone in the accessories tray, plays LOUD MUSIC into her earphones.
2. Inciting Incident
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: IMPRISONMENT
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – NIGHT
The MANAGER helps his MMA FIGHTER step in the octagon. The fighter looks dazed. Disoriented, the FIGHTER catches the sight of a MAN IN A TUNIC. His hand holds a KNIFE up. THE BLADE progressively CHANGES COLOR — and so it does the WOUND on the fighter’s arm.
INT. FITNESS ROOM – NIGHT
The WOMAN abruptly stops the treadmill. A TEXT PREVIEW displays on her cellphone screen: “HE’S GONE”.
Paralyzed with FEAR for a moment, she finally wipes her tears and replies: “I MUST FIND HIM. HELP ME.”
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU ARE… A CHICK WITH PRETTY LEGS THAT KICK (1)
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – DAY
The MANAGER introduces the WOMAN to a group of open-mouthed RING MASTERS who can’t stop looking at her with both, lust and disbelief. Yet, they agree to give her a try.
She gets in the octagon cage with an opponent and shows them that the cartwheels, backflips and high kicks of a cheerleader can get “mixed” with the “mixed” MA.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU ARE… A CHICK WITH PRETTY LEGS THAT KICK (2)
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON CAGE – DAY
She gets signed in. Now she is an underground MMA prizefighter.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 1
INT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY – NIGHT
The WOMAN looks for her fiancé in every corner of the underground facility, just to bump into a FEMALE RIVAL who advises her not to ever dream on becoming a champion.
5. Mid-Point
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 2
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY ROOF – NIGHT
The woman observes the access to the facility from the roof. A man shows up. He “Parkour-jumps” from another building onto the roof of the MMA facility. She recognizes him as the man who run away with her fiancé. She confronts him. Suddenly, a gang attacks them. A second group intervenes. As a result, everyone runs away except for her and the second group. Now, they give her a package and instruct her: “This is not the antidote, but it will keep him alive… and, by the way, you’ve got this whole thing wrong.” She is confused. Who are they? Why are they trying to help her fiancé?
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: INITIAL ATTEMPTS FAILURE 3
EXT. UNDERGROUND MMA FACILITY – NEARBY STREET – NIGHT
The underground octagon wraps up for the night. She remains hidden in the facility. Her fiancé and the man who run away with him come out from nowhere. She follows them. The two men are ambushed by the first gang from the other night. Outnumbered, she freaks out. The three of them are taken prisoners.
INT. A TRANSPORT CONTAINER — NIGHT
They are transported to somewhere in the middle of the desert. A deadly tournament will take place in there. The tournament prize is the antidote to neutralize her fiancé’s poisoning. She discovers that the breaking up with her fiancé was a way to prevent her from getting involved in a deadly conflict. The man who run away with her fiancé is a secret agent. Her fiancé was forced by circumstances to hide information about the location of a weapon of mass destruction. [FLASHBACK: exposition]
7. Crisis
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: YOU WILL BE… A FEARLESS CAGE MASTER
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA TRAINING AREA – DAY
The WOMAN develops her fighting skills under the expert coaching of her fiancé and the runaway partner.
RE: Inciting Incident — the transformation from cheerleader to MMA fighter
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: LET’S TRY SOMETHING ELSE
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAMP – DAY
After several attempts to escape have failed, they think on a new plan. Perhaps, to escape they should stop running. The only way out is going through hell. Every guard has a cellphone. “Let’s steal one and send a message out,” her fiancé suggests.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: NEW PLAN THWARTED – FAILURE 4
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA CAMP – DAY
They manage to steal the device and send a message out… but the runaway partner gets killed in the process.
8. Climax
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: SOMETIMES, TO ESCAPE YOU MUST STOP RUNNING (1)
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON ARENA – DAY
She wins the antidote defeating opponents of far superior strength than hers in the MMA octagon.
She emerges much wiser, but she is badly beaten. So, as it often happens, the discovery comes just before dying.
She hands in the antidote to her fiancé. Her las words: “Didn’t I say that? To escape, sometimes you must stop running.” She collapses. It’s the end.
DRAMATIC PLOT 2 — ESCAPE: AND FINALLY, THE ACTUAL ESCAPE
EXT. DESERT – UNDERGROUND MMA OCTAGON ARENA – DAY
DRONE SQUAD and soldiers arrive. The message went through! MACHINE GUNS… shooting, resistance, people run… SMOKE… BAZOOKA fires… chaos. The fiancé urges paramedics to help the lifeless woman in his arms… DARKNESS.
9. Resolution
DRAMATIC PLOT 1 — DISCOVERY: SOMETIMES, TO ESCAPE YOU MUST STOP RUNNING (2)
INT. GYM – DAY
A wheelchair quietly rolls into the gym where her old cheerleaders team rehearse. Still bruised, but recovering, she shares her discovery with her former students: “Cheering means encouraging others to conquer their fears, to stop running. Everyone should be a cheerleader for others in real life.”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 2 months ago by
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[PS81] Arthur’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment:
Establishing your lead character’s arc is crucial to the development of your outline.
1) Concept/Logine:
When a coronal mass ejection (CME) from the sun destroys all electronic technology on earth, casting civilization back to the 1800s, six astronauts and one reporter on the international research spacecraft Reliant must adapt the experimental Tesla Shield technology that saved their spacecraft to shield humanity from a larger earth-destroying CME just days away.
2) Plot Choice – Underdog
When a coronal mass ejection from the sun destroys most of the earth’s electronics, casting civilization back to the 1800s, the international research spacecraft Reliant is earth’s only hope against the next larger CME approaching in 48 hours. The crew must adapt and super-size the electromagnetic Tesla shield that saved their craft to protect the earth from the next earth-destroying solar storm. With no way to get the elements they need from the earth to upgrade their shield; the crew uses the untested near-light-speed engine to travel to the unmanned moon base to acquire an anti-matter generator. A CME, that misses earth, hits the moon just as their shuttle lifts off from the base to dock with the Reliant. The Reliant’s shield protects both crafts but not without damage and the loss of one astronaut. Arriving back in earth orbit just moments before the next CME strikes, the crew activates the Tesla Shield averting disaster for humanity.
3) 9 Beats of the structure:
1. Opening
Pool reporter Skyler Hardwick’s live broadcast introduces the crew of the International Deep Space Research Spacecraft Reliant and their mission to test a new Tesla Space Shield for interstellar travel. The broadcast is interrupted by an emergency transmission from NASA.
2. Inciting Incident
NASA informs the Reliant a Coronal Mass Ejection that was thought to be bypassing earth, masked a larger one behind it that will hit the earth and the Reliant in minutes. With no time to use the shuttle to return to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly and the crew determine that using the untested Tesla Shield is their only hope of surviving. A scramble begins to initiate the shield before the CME arrives.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
The Tesla Shield saves the crew of the Reliant, however, the electronics on earth have been knocked out. Analyzing a solar observation satellite, the crew discovers an extinction-level CME is headed to earth in 48 Hours. They determine the Tesla Shield may be modified to save the earth but they need a lot more power. With no help from earth available, they will have to journey to the unmanned moon base to retrieve a nuclear reactor.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
As the crew prepares the Reliant to travel to the moon, a large satellite damaged by the CME heads directly for them. With the anti-matter engine not yet ready to fire and the Tesla Shield down from CME damage. The crew is forced to use a plasma cannon to destroy the satellite. The shock wave from the resulting explosion of the satellite causes the Reliant to spin out of control. With great effort and some injuries to the crew, the Reliant is stabilized and the journey to the moon begins with less than full power from engine damage from the explosion.
5. Mid-Point
With other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the base and then using the earth return lunar spacecraft at the moon base to rendezvous with the Reliant. A new solar update indicates a CME is headed toward the moon. If Reilly and Skyler are caught in the open on the moon, they will be obliterated.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
As the crew struggles with its damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the moon base. With difficulty, they retrieve the reactor and load it onto the earth return lunar spacecraft. However, it will not launch! A quick workaround by Oleg, the mechanical engineer, allows them to lift off just as the CME strikes the moon destroying the base, its destructive path following Reilly and Skyler. Reilly struggles with the spacecraft, not designed for what they are making it do, and barely makes it to the Reliant in time for the repaired Tesla Shield to protect them from the CME.
7. Crisis
The new reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.
8. Climax
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the large red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CME safely passes by the earth.
9. Resolution
A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near-death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.
4) Part to be changed: Captain Reilly Ryan does not want to be responsible for more crew deaths like she experienced in her last mission.
Biggest Fear: Having to make a decision that costs the life of one of her crew.
Completion of Arc: The crew helps her when she has to sacrifice Chase to save the earth from the Coronal Mass Ejection.
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5) Plot Structure
1. Opening
EXT SPACE
Looking at the earth with the moon in the background as a massive spaceship with two counter-rotating rings at its center ENTERS from the left side of FRAME. The name Reliant is prominent on its bow.
INT RELIANT
International pool reporter, Skyler Hardwick takes us through the spacecraft, introducing the live audience to the Reliant’s crew. From the rear of the ship moving forward we meet the following personnel as each gives her a brief on the job on the mission:
Oleg Ryakin – Russian male Mechanical engineer, Ph.D. – designer of the antimatter containment field that powers the ship.
Nico Lee – Chinese female anti-matter propulsion physicist, Ph.D.
Tara Cooper – black French female scalar wave and Quantum physicist, Ph.D.
Diego Quinn – male Hispanic life science specialist. MD. Ph.D.
Chase Douglas – US black male 1st Officer and celestial navigation specialist. PhD
Reilly Ryan – US white female Captain and nuclear physicist, Ph.D.
INT RELIANT – BRIDGE
The interview concludes with Capt. Reilly explaining to Skyler that this mission is to test the new Tesla Shield that is necessary to protect the spacecraft from objects it cannot maneuver to avoid as it travels near the speed of light. Reilly blindsides her by asking if she feels she is the right person to lead this mission having been the Captain and only survivor of a five-man crew in an aborted takeoff less than four years ago. At this moment an emergency klaxon goes off. Skyler concludes the broadcast as Chase calls for the Captain to join him in the Command Module.
2. Inciting Incident
INT COMMAND MODULE
A circular module with a six-foot diameter table at its center. Chase is sitting at one of the six chairs surrounding the table, each with its own workstation. As the rest of the crew enters Chase displays a 3d projection above the table. The NASA Flight Director, Jack Stone, appears on the screen and informs the crew of a Coronal Mass ejection from the sun that is to pass by the earth in moments masked a larger CME that is going to hit the earth with devastating effect in less than six hours. He projects a 3D model of the CME hitting and destroying satellites, the space station, and the Reliant as it penetrates the earth’s magnetic field destroying all modern electronics. He shows another projection of an even larger earth-destroying CME hitting in 48 hours. He tells the crew that all manned space stations are being evacuated to earth, including the Reliant.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
INT COMMAND MODULE
With barely enough time to travel back to earth before the CME hits, Captain Reilly orders the crew to prepare to abandon the ship in the shuttle. Tara stops them all by bringing up a 3D representation of the ship and asks why they can’t save the trillion-dollar ship by using the Tesla Shield. She plays the 3D rendering from NASA but adds the Tesla Shield protecting the ship. Reilly reminds her they are under orders, the shield has never been tested, and if it fails they’ll all be killed. Chase argues that if they don’t try it the CME will have killed the space program for decades. Oleg weighs in that he’s for trying the shield and Nico agrees it should work. Diego reminds them if they go to earth they will live but it will be like being in the 1800s with no electricity or electronic devices.
FLASHBACK SPACE SHUTTLE
Reilly in the pilot’s seat as the shuttle roars toward space, the control panel suddenly flashes red as one of the three main engines blows up sending fragments into the other two. She and the copilot run through the abort checklist and frantically hi switches and pull levers as the other four crew members watch helplessly from their seats. Someone calling her name brings her back to the present moment: “Reilly!”
INT COMMAND MODULE
Reilly snaps back to the present and tells them that she cannot order anyone to do this. It has to be unanimous or they all go home. She asks Tara, Nico, and Oleg what are the odds. Tara 60/40, Oleg 70/30, Nico 50/50. With that they all vote, everyone raises their hand except for Reilly and Skyler, who asks if she gets a vote. Reilly tells Skyler no; she is being sent home in an escape pod. Then Reilly raises her hand to make it unanimous. She orders Chase to prep Skyler for evacuation and the rest of the crew to prep the shield. Skyler asks Chase why they can’t just use the engines on the ship to move out of the way? Chase tells her it would take 12 hours to spin up the anti-matter drives.
INT RELIANT BRIDGE
Reilly video calls Jack to let him know what the crew has decided to do and Skyler is being sent home in an escape pod. Skyler enters the bridge and asks both of them to let her stay. Someone needs to document what happens. They give her the OK.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
As the crew prepares the Reliant to travel to the moon, a large satellite damaged by the CME heads directly for them. With the anti-matter engine not yet ready to fire and the Tesla Shield down from CME damage. The crew is forced to use a plasma cannon to destroy the satellite. The shock wave from the resulting explosion of the satellite causes the Reliant to spin out of control. With great effort and some injuries to the crew, the Reliant is stabilized and the journey to the moon begins with less than full power from engine damage from the explosion.
5. Mid-Point
With other members of the crew needed to maneuver the Reliant in a sling-shot orbit around the moon. Captain Reilly must enlist the aid of the pool reporter, Skyler, to help her retrieve the reactor from the moon base. Skyler is shocked to learn the only way to get to the moon base is by crash landing the shuttle near the base and then using the earth return lunar spacecraft at the moon base to rendezvous with the Reliant. A new solar update indicates a CME is headed toward the moon. If Reilly and Skyler are caught in the open on the moon, they will be obliterated.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
As the crew struggles with its damaged systems of the Reliant to keep it on a sling-shot orbit around the moon, Captain Reilly and Skyler crash land the shuttle by the moon base. With difficulty, they retrieve the reactor and load it onto the earth return lunar spacecraft. However, it will not launch! A quick workaround by Oleg, the mechanical engineer, allows them to lift off just as the CME strikes the moon destroying the base, its destructive path following Reilly and Skyler. Reilly struggles with the spacecraft, not designed for what they are making it do, and barely makes it to the Reliant in time for the repaired Tesla Shield to protect them from the CME.
7. Crisis
The new reactor is barely installed as the Reliant takes a position to defend the earth. However, the Tesla mask which must be extended for the shield to work is damaged and will not deploy. With every possibility explored and failed, Chase Douglas, the first officer, sneaks off to the cargo bay, suits up, and exits on the space tug.
8. Climax
The crew discovers Chase attaching the space tug to the Tesla mask. Against their vociferous protest, Chase uses the tug to extend the mask just as the CME is about to hit. With no time for him to return to the ship, he begs Reilly to engage the shield: a death sentence for him. Tearfully, Reilly puts her hand on the large red engage button. The other members of the crew put their hands over hers and they all push together. The shield spreads like a lotus blossom as Chase disappears in a flash of light. The CME slams into the shield which deflects its destructive power away from the earth. The Reliant is buffeted as its systems alarms blare with overload warnings but the Tesla Shield holds and the CMJ safely passes by earth.
9. Resolution
A saddened crew is surprised when NASA contacts them from Cheyenne mountain in Colorado. They have been receiving Skyler’s broadcasts throughout the Reliant’s entire adventure. NASA and the world owe them a debt of gratitude that may never be repaid. A crew will be launched within 90 days to relieve them. The crew of the reliant are no longer professional co-workers from individual countries. They are also more than friends bound together by the crucible of near-death experiences and the bonds of mutual commitment, sacrifice, and loss.
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Alice’s 1st Pass
What I learned:
How to bring hero on his journey along structure in accordance with plot.
1. Logline:
In time of Separation, an artificial death protecting Advanced West society of Planet MIROPOLIS, workers of Research Institute get massacred, to create “new weapon”, interests clash, judge sentences wrongdoer at scandalous process, Separates, his subtle image reflected on video, his advice to filter people and expel outcastes is taken into practice…
2. Plot/Plot Summary:
7. The Riddle
This one challenges the viewer to solve the riddle before the protagonist
does. The core of your riddle should be cleverness: hiding that which is
in plain sight. You set up a mystery, provide clues and misdirection, and
finally give the solution, explaining the motives of the antagonist and the
real sequence of events (as opposed to what seemed to have happened).
12. Transformation
This plot deals with the process of change as the protagonist journeys
through one of the many stages of life. It concentrates on the nature of
change and how it affects the protagonist from start to finish on one
specific change.
3. Structure:
1. Opening
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on another rails. “What new qualities did you acquire?” “I can move walls apart!”
2. Inciting Incident
On a flight back home from resort area.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
This is going to be on the ground of Research Institute, where Anaupsh massacres its workers. But that’s also at another planet, named MIROPOLIS, and has to do with advanced science and discrimination of castes.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
His girlfriend is missing amid lab personnel. “Where is Kiat?”
5. Mid-Point
Protagonist get contacted by secret service officer after his journalist brother streams confusing news to illustrate the case.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Protagonist gets massacred, officers who contacted him shot.
7. Crisis
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium.
8. Climax
Scandalous process. Judge gives a speech and separates right at the court.
9. Resolution
Upstart with residences for outcastes.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: He needs to find out, who’ve done it, and what happened?
Biggest fear: His biggest fear is what he sees in Anaupsh’s his lab
Completion of arc: His example as martyr changes social structure of the West. For separatable humanity.
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING SCENE:
Representation of how SEPARATION works. Life moves on anothe rails. “What new qualities did you aquire?” “I can move walls apart”
EXT. TOP OF RESIDENTIAL – DAY
There is a basin on the roof, and man is fishing.
INCITING INCIDENT:
On a flight back home from resort area.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Phone rings, as he returns. That is Director of Research institute with assignment for him to be prepeared by Monday.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
One of the files appears to be dark, he cannot open it.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
He picks up a taxi.
EXT. BEFOR GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He jumps out of taxi, running inside.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
He quickly exchanges with night guard about reasons him coming at night.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
He opens file on computer. Printer doesn’t work, lacking paper.
INT. CORRIDOR – NIGHT
As he rummages at closet, he is encountered by security guard. They exchange, guard continues along the corridor.
INT. OFFICE – NIGHT
As he keeps working, radiophone beeps. “I love you” This is Kiat.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm works. Man jumps from bed.
INT. OFFICE – MORNING
As Protagonist looks into window, he can see this man, one of lab workers, coming. Kiat is still not there.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Amid couple of others, Hero walks now noisy corridor of Research Institute, holding his documents. Woman of rather small height passes him, walking at another direction. He turns after her, looking at her back. “Is it Anaupsh?”
FIRST TURNING POINT:
His girlfriend is missing amid personnel “Where is Kiat?”
INT. BACK ROOM – MORNING
Kiat is murdered by someone looking like Anaupsh and one or two more people.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Hero calls Kiat. She doesn’t pick it up, and leaves a message.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He looks at the watch, – she didn’t call back.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor says, Kiat wasn’t there.
INT. LANDING BEFORE KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Kiat’s neighbor confirms, Kiat moved away. He doesn’t believe her.
INT. KIAT’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Police helps with the door. Money, clothes, and documents appear intact. Police officer implies, maybe she flied across the boundary.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before the crowd of workers of Research Institute. One man says, he had seen Kiat that day. And that couple of people took a leave.
INT. RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Protagonist comes by the address of one of those who took leave. His neighbors says, he left not saying goodbye.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Disturbed man comes, searching for his missing wife, who worked at RI. Protagonist warns him not to come back in here, as his wife is possibly killed.
INT. SOCIAL SERVICES – EVENING
Protagonist is waiting to see an officer, but changes his mind, and walks away.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls to secret police man of his acquaintance, but drops the phone.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is some kind of a friend to Protagonist, and tries to give him sick leave when he says, one of the missing was his girlfriend. As protagonist tries to prove it is necessary to search the labs, Anaupsh enters. She is the head of development lab of DNA research. After her comes her assistant, tall freak, not young anymore. Hero remarks on strong body of Anaupsh and metallic plate, stuck at her sandal. Director lets him go. As he leaves, he observes them for a while, talking at the office.
EXT. BEFORE DIRECTOR’S – DAY
He walks out of the building, and strolls away.
INT. DIRECTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Director is murdered. Blood on the table. Anaupsh opens his cabinet with electronic key. Unlocks computer and washes out files from the list with info on exp from her lab. Her assistant rolls Director’s body in blue plastic.
INT. AUDITORY – DAY
Protagonist before crowd of RI’s workers. A couple more of people left, Head of one lab, and also Director is on leave.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero calls at Director’s. His wife says, he called her to say he drops on her, and asks for his stuff to be sent over the ocean.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
His son wants to go fishing on the roof. But glances at the face of his old father and small daughter, and remains.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
They peacefully making a tea.
INT. LIBRARY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – DAY
Protagonist accidentally runs on Anaupsh. He notices there is nor metallic plate stuck in her sandal any longer.
INT. RI’S CORRIDOR OF HERO’S DREAM – NIGHT
He’s having nightmare. Woman screams “He died from horror!”
INT. HERO’S BEDROOM – MORNING
He awakes from his nightmare.
INT. SOMEONE’S BEDROOM – MORNING
Alarm didn’t work. Man jumps from bed on his own, when it is too late.
EXT. BEFORE THE GATES OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – MORNING
Protagonist meets with that man before gates. They exchange. Man works in the lab at the same area, where people get disappearing.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
This man is tied up, his moth stuck. One scientist enters, ad sees the picture. Assistant shoots him from the back, but he already separated. Now they cannot use his body.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Protagonist is having conversation with his friend, head of another lab, who complains, he has no one to report.
EXT. TRAIN STATION – EVENING
His friend is waiting for the train. Some figure is as if in the mist, over the distance.
INT. TRAIN – EVENING
Relieved, he boards the train, and takes his seat on the bench.
INT. POLICE OFFICE – EVENING
Protagonist persuades police officer about missing cases. Officer manifests with negativity, as Hero is clearly a developed caste, and sends him packing.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – EVENING
Protagonist picks up at the note, dropped on the floor. It is left by his friend about report. He jums paper in his fist, seeing his friend is gone!
INT. HERO’S APPARTMENT – NIGHT
He awakes because someone is behind the door to his room.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Hero calls his acquaintance at secret service, demanding they would say if missing cases were their job.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist visits his brother. He’s journalist, and keeps writing, even as they speak.
EXT. POLICE CAR – NIGHT
Police watches him over distance, listening to conversation with antenna.
INT. HERO’S JOURNALIST BROTHER APPARTMENT – NIGHT
Protagonist relates to his brother about missing cases.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
TV news. “In one of huge institutions people get disappear in one of the area of the lab works” Judge remarks that’s where his sister works.
INT. PROTAGONIST’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Hero watches the news.
EXT. STREET PHONE BOOTH – DAY
Journalist calls his brother to learn of impression. Hero is dissatisfied, saying, his report was misleading at broadcast.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh answers the phone.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – DAY
Judge drops it down, hearing her voice.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
Anaupsh remarks that been her brother checking on her after watching the news, and she is OK. Sexy girl an assistant persuades how some people really got disappeared. Anaupsh observes her sexy body.
INT. VIEW OF CLOSET FROM INSIDE – DAY
This sexy girl is rummaging at the closet, as someone closes her mouth, and picks her up from behind. That is her boyfriend who places a date with her.
INT. CAFE – NIGHT
Girls is waiting for him, but he doesn’t turn out.
EXT. CITY STREET – NIGHT
She leaves cafe and starts strolling along the street. Car stops, Anaupsh opens the door. Girl looks inside and sees her boyfriend, dead. She starts losing herself. Gets inside, and strokes his hair, then vomits.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
They pass by night guard, posing her boyfriend as drunk.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – NIGHT
Anaupsh proposes to restore him by the help of her work she conducted experiment for. She opens door to back room for her. Girl sees there construction from parts of human bodies and drops on the floor.
INT. OFFICE – DAY
Control group, in amount of one aged man and young lady sent by organization comes to check at what is happening at Research Institute.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – DAY
As Anaupsh tries to make her way through the talk, they ask her of the area, as they can see on a map. Then assistant hits man from behind unconscious. But girl puts a gun on them. At this moment secret door opens from inside, by Anaupsh another girl assistant. Girl turns away at its direction, and male assistant blows her gun away.
INT. BACK ROOM – DAY
They both are beaten up, unconscious.
INT. SOME LAB – DAY
Protagonist on his way around to check labs meets opposition from aged scientist.
INT. DYNAMICS LAB – EVENING
Two guys in this lab tell Hero, how they protect with guns. They assure him they are waiting for those who do this to come, and don’t lock the doors.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RI – MORNING
Protagonist passes by Dynamics Lab, its door seems closed. He tries it, and it opens, room same as it was, no men.
MIDPOINT:
Protagonist gets contacted by secret service officer. He affirms they also lost a number of people on Institute’s ground, and that he was afraid to pass inside.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
That officer who spoke with scientist reports to top officer, as that one receives a call with indications from above. Not to do much. Top officer remarks that might be correct approach. Let everyone be gone, apart from one left, who’ve done it.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – EVENING
Strolling along, Protagonist looks into open lab and sees there girl assistant of Anaupsh rummaging through documents. She says she had to sort that out.
INT. CORRIDOR OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Walking past Anaupsh’s lab, Protagonist can hear noise behind the wall, something knocks. He is surprised.
INT. LOBBY OF RESEARCH INSTITUTE – NIGHT
Night guard confirms everyone from that lab are gone for the night.
INT. ANAUPSH’S LAB – MORNING
Hero waits for Anaupsh to come, to check her lab. She lets him in, saying it’s development nocking.
SECOND TURNING POINT:
She opens back room for him, and he can see huge animated construction, composed from human bodies, managed by DNA exchange. He recognizes it here and there. Passes out.
EXT. BACK STREET – EVENING
Officer who came to RI calls his top officer, saying, scientist does not answer his calls. He drops the phone and turns to go away, but is shot from behind a corner out of vehicle.
INT. SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets notified, his employee went arrested for interest in this case. He is stunned. Upon consideration, exits office via back door.
EXT. OUTSIDE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICE – EVENING
Top officer gets out, considers cars nearby, walks down, and is shot from behind.
CRISIS:
Anaupsh presents her work at symposium. Two scientists at presidium get alarmed, but Anaupsh smartly lets her creation into outside world, to float at the sky. They sound alarm then.
EXT. CITY SCAPE – EVENING
Judge’s son again strolls along the roof with fishing line and barrel. View of monsters in the sky makes him lose his step and he falls from the edge of the roof. He succeeds at holding at some architectural pieces down there, as monster comes rather closer to his view. Aircraft dispatch comes on helicopters, and spreads point-direct atomic weapon at the creature. Keeping his hold, he starts sneezing, and endeavors turn away or shield somehow.
INT. COURT – DAY
As Judge moves ahead to preside, he is blamed into back. Everyone knows that is his sister in the process, who he is going now justify.
CLIMAX:
Anaupsh and her assistants are facing the court. Judge keeps asking questions in such a way that he uncovers her rotten nature. He then says, he’s unsure of what punishment, and that how, maybe, even if his kids, but separate somehow away into zones people of such kind so that they won’t be able to do crimes of such scape. Anaupsh observes him, and suddenly says “Don’t Separate!” He looks back at her, and as if from opposition, separates. His face moves apart, leaving narrow space, vertical, and smooth, leading into depth of the head, as other parts also have moved. As he continues to sit at same pose, common with Separation, across the room passes gush of astonishment. His subtle body, recognizable, consciously moves along the middle, to exit the court.
EXT. SITY STREET – DAY
Journalist brother of late scientist watches street screens, streaming the process. He immediately recognizes, what it is going to be.
INT. JUDGE’S APPARTMENT – EVENING
His son gets interviewed.
RESOLUTION:
People with strict faces are at building construction, meant for outcastes.
“First Social Services were doing it, then when jails went full, they got that wasn’t enough, and called in military…”
1. Logline:
…after reservations for outcastes are created, trained WARDS are to bring qualified back to society,
Born in reservation, LENA witnesses her Ward’s death, runaways, gets escorted by high rang military, becomes his lover, as anyone around undergo danger of being marked as “outcastes”.
2. Plot/Plot Summary:
For Le-na inside of Reservation only:
5. Escape
Your hero is confined against his will (often unjustly) and wants to
escape. In this case, the hero is the victim. The natural
progression: imprisonment, initial attempts to escape fail, new plan
is made that is also thwarted, and finally, the actual escape.
For Le-na and Son of Commander
9. Underdog
This plot is similar to Rivalry, except that the protagonist is not matched
equally against the antagonist. The antagonist can be a person, place
(ocean), or thing (bureaucracy), and clearly has much greater power than
the protagonist.
For Le-na via all the story:
13. Maturation
This plot is about growing from a naive life to a more experienced
life. Often, it is about the process of going from child to adult.
3. Structure:
1. Opening
Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
2. Inciting Incident
Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
MIROPOLIS seventy years after they started with zones.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
Ward meets Le-na .
5. Mid-Point
He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Ward is shot down.
7. Crisis
Le-na burns her stepmother who came back to kill her with acid from the barrel.
8. Climax
Le-na deposits report, fights her way via girl, picks up a gun, and deceives helicopter pilot.
9. Resolution
Le-na is picked up by high rang military.
Le-na outside of reservation
Le-na communicates with young high rang military who picked her up at his last gig of technology station.
He brings her to hotel room, where they have sex.
Two officers come to expose him.
He tries to make phone call downstairs, but receives a blow.
He awakes at the hospital, where they finish up locking doors, till military dispatch comes. Main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of young military starts giving orders, but reports they are in a siege. Finally they get rescued by regiment he requested by phone.
As he discovers that Le-na, now married to him, went pregnant, they get blamed he abuses her, at their stay at another hotel. Military come, main officer freaks out and gets tied up. One of the boys starts giving orders. They search hotel rooms, discover dead body of ten years old, daughter of hotel owner, who goes mad. Psychologist comes and they all exchange contacts.
Boy matures, and gets ward training. As he is inside of reservation, he holds not from shooting to bring young couple outside. They themselves report how brave he went. He faces tribunal, with Son of Main Commander and Psychologist also present. They officially sentence him to death, but in reality would let him come back to reservation, now forever.
Son of Main Commander separates.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Le-na
Part to be changed: She wants to runaway, be liberated
Biggest fear: There is now here to run, no action to save it
Completion of arc: She reaches what she could’ve desire but crashes
5. Plot in Structure:
OPENING SCENE: Destruction of Black Archipelago by atomic weapon.
INCITING INCIDENT: Ward choses residence to be dispatched to.
INT. RESIDENTIAL ZONE – DAY
Ward unlocks his new apartment, belonged prior to his predecessor.
INT. WARD’S APARTMENT – DAY
Le-na visits him. She never takes a bath, to repel other residents.
FIRST TURNING POINT: He hides Le-na in his apartment behind locked doors. They start to be intimate. They take shower together, but he only does superficial sex.
MIDPOINT: His window is bulletproof, but door has space underneath. After knocking at his locked door didn’t help, residents put smoke via this opening. Ward then streams water outside.
SECOND TURNING POINT: Helicopter brings boxes with goodies. Ward unlocks the door. Le-na’s bitch mother comes asking for her. Ward replies, he put a report, and Le-na is to be evacuated back to outside world. Freaking aged guy jumps inside, asking to be taken back also, offering money. Ward refuses. Freak shoots him down to death.
Le-na’s family members rush inside, starting robbing apartment, goodies box first. “Why did you wash yourself?” screens bitch mother. She checks her, and sees, she is still virginal. Then she rapes her, pushing small bottle inside. Le-na passes out.
CRISIS: Le-na awakes. Room is robbed of everything. She sees Ward in the spirit, as subtle image in the room. Then they communicate. He says, Le-na must prepare to kill her mother, as she comes back. She looks around, and sees nothing like a weapon. He keeps going “see this barrel? There is an acid in it, if to pour it upon a person, he would die!” Le-na picks up large barrel, right when her mother’s steps are heard. As that one enters, she splashes acid on her.
Ward directs her to pick up report and go upstairs.
INT. ATTIC – DAY
Vast room with glass ceiling along the walls has special mail boxes, one for each apartment. Le-na puts report into mail box, and pulls at lever. Via glass walls one can see how report swiftly goes upward, beyond the roof.
Girl new comer descends stairs. She demonstratively approaches Le-na. Takes gun out. They fight. Le-na uses martial skills she picked up from Ward. She blows gun away, picks it up and shoots girl down.
Ward directs her to run on the roof, where there must be a helicopter that brought newcomer.
CLIMAX: Le-na runs up to the pilot and deceives him, saying she was brought down to restricted zone by mistake. She promises him her parents would pay him!
RESOLUTION: EXT. HELICOPTER CABIN – EVENING
They take into air. Pilot asks for her address. “Quiet Street, Small House!” Le-na says. Pilot gets he was deceived. “Point gun at him!” says Ward’s voice. Le-na puts gun on him. His radio works, and Le-na screams for pilot. Man on that end of the line hears female voice.
INT. TECHNO STATION – EVENING
Le-na is picked up by high rang military. She recognizes him being special, and tries to pull shirt away from his back, to see if there isn’t body mark as well.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
They become intimate.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Servant rolls in table with refreshment and some wine bottles, as he gets astonished, seeing Le-na standing totally naked amid the room.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Two officers come to expose her lover. They have a moment and exchange names. He says, he’s a Son of Main Commander, which is his rang.
INT. HOTEL’S LOBBY – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander descends with Le-na into lobby. He directs her to wait him at the glass doors. And tries to place a phone call, but line is dead. “You will pay me for that!“ he says to hotel’s owner. And receives a blow.
INT. HOSPITAL COMPARTMENT – NIGHT
Son of Main Commander awakes, Le-na sits near. “How did you do that?” She says she used street phone and asked for the Father the Main Commander.
Nurse enters, behaving suspiciously. Then Le-na picks up small bottle, and says “In this bottle there is an acid. I will pour it over you, and you will die!” Nurse looks at the bottle and starts laughing.
He calls for regiment, then they lock inside the room.
They hear noise outside at the corridor, that being small military dispatch. He likes the voice of some young officer, and they unlock for them. Commanding officer of dispatch freaks out and get tied up by his own soldiers. Then young officer takes on himself commandment. He reports, they are surrounded by enemies. Son of Main Commander recognizes him as careerist. Enemies being regiment he called for.
EXT. AT HELICOPTERS – MORNING
As they are on the go to helicopter, saved by regiment, he arguments with regiment commander.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
As they are staying at the hotel, now a couple, he sits on bed in clothes. Le-na reacts and after pulling his socks away, washing her hands, picks up bottle and pushes inside sex organs. He catches at her and hits. “Why have you done it?” She explains, she no longer has blood (she’ s lacking, and he is indifferent). He laughs with joy, explaining that is a pregnancy.
Their activity is overlooked by man in bright lit window across the street. He threatens them, gesturing, and dresses up to go out.
INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR – NIGHT
It appears, Hotel was stuffed with video cameras to observe tenants, by agreement of that man across the street and Hotel owner. Military came, and all tenants get out of their rooms. As Son of Main Commander arguments matter with Commanding Officer, that one freaks out and gets tied up by his own soldiers. Soldiers get lost, but one of them, still young, and with shrieking voice, starts giving commands. One of cameras made video of something white in dark lobby. Hotel owner suddenly gets ill and is escorted to his room by two soldiers. Others search the rooms, and uncover body of ten years old daughter of Hotel owner. Tenant of that room dies right there, poisoning oneself till foam out of the mouth, and slides down the wall. After they turn away two technicians coming to pick up someone qualified as outcastes, real psychologist comes. He turns to be an aged man, experienced and talkative. He exchanges addresses with boy with shrieking voice, promises to distressed woman degree in psychology and new job.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – MORNING
Le-na again looks into window. There is wife of that man, now arrested, who shoots woman at hotel room near theirs.
INT. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT
Yet another hotel. They lie in bed as outside are sirens at the distance. He embraces her, tense. But cars run by.
INT. FIGHTING ROOM – DAY
Boy with shrieking voice went into grown up man, taking martial arts training.
INT. RESTRICTED ZONE – DAY
He endeavors to save a couple out of zone. As woman screams, closing her ears, hold by her man, he shots back at a couple of people, shooting at him.
INT. TRIBUNAL – DAY
He gets sentenced. He doesn’t take it for real, but as a bad joke, as he really killed people. They then consent on him returning back to zone, now forever.
EXT. ROAD AND GRASS – DAY
Bus doors gets closed, and it leaves on its way.
INT. PRIVAT RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na moves around the house, bearing sight of household, having kids, picking up and reassembling here and there, where they dropped clothes or toys, running for bus.
INT. GUESTROOM – DAY
Son of Main Commander sits as if thinking something over. Phone rings, but he doesn’t pick it up. Le-na awakes him from his thoughts. No, he not at all is going to go as a ward, this means imminent death. She worries, and starts to pull chain with pendant from her neck, as if to put on him as amulet, but he stops her.
He gets up, dons his military headwear and goes out. Le-na answers the phone. No, he is gone. She says.
EXT. OUTSIDE THE HOUSE – DAY
He goes a distance away, then stops. Wind blows into his face. He Separates. Narrow opening with even edges separates front of his face in the middle. His facial expression doesn’t change. He keeps standing same pose.
INT. HOSPITAL – NIGHT
As sentenced ward, here incognito, discusses with psychologist his couple he brought out, who are passing exam now, and Le-na, who is here, crashed and lost her sanity.
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PS81 Day 7: Anita Gomez’s 1<sup>st</sup> Pass
What I learned: I found this assignment laborious. What will the outline eventually look like? I don’t think it will include the “PLOT IN STRUCTURE” bit, so I found “#5” confusing here. I suppose this is just far from my usual approach to writing, and now that I know what I want to write, I just want to get on with it. One woman’s honest answer.
1. LOGLINE:
A woman who can’t access an abortion abandons her baby at birth only to learn years later the child is her only hope for a life-saving transplant — leading her to search for the daughter she never wanted.
2. Plot Choice and Summary of Plot:
Dramatic Triangle with “TRANSFORMATION” Plot — A woman who abandoned her baby at birth seeks her out as a grown woman, initially as a transplant donor, but discovering along the way that she actually wants a relationship with her daughter, who herself has grown into a cold loner with abandonment issues.
3. 9 BEATS OF STRUCTURE:
1. Opening Scene:
My Protagonist is in the throes of childbirth (we don’t see her face yet). It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die. GRAPHIC: “9 Months Earlier”
2. Inciting Incident:
Our lead is in high-end law offices after hours. She is a junior attorney, strong and ambitious, working on a case. A senior partner comes in, flirting with her in an all-too-familiar way. She confronts him with the fact that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion in her state. In fact, he was instrumental in passing this law. We see him revealed as the hypocrite he is (ultra right-wing; married with his own kids; but still offering to send her away for an abortion)
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about.
Our lead confides in her Evangelical sister (mother of 2 kids herself) that she doesn’t want this child and wants to flee the state for an abortion. She fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney and reminds the sister how she herself almost died in childbirth, twice. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her she’ll grow to love the child. The woman flees the state. She makes an abortion appointment, but at the last minute, can’t go through with it.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1
We are back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience. The woman in labor blacks out; we now see her as our lead character. She regains consciousness to the sounds of a screaming infant. A nurse tries to hand her the baby daughter, saying she is fine – except she too was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. The new mother turns away from the squalling infant. Her sister’s words haunting her, the new mother is unable to bond with her newborn and abandons her at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note, “Her name is Diane”.
5. Mid-Point
We follow our protagonist as her ambitions bear fruit and she climbs the legal ladder. She is cold, hard, and driven, and a compulsive marathon runner… who over, time, begins to show signs of minor health issues like fatigue and loss of stamina. Concurrently, the former senior partner / biological father of her child, continues to be promoted – first to judge, then as Circuit Court judge, putting him once again in the woman’s professional orbit. Meanwhile the now-adopted baby has grown into a brilliant young woman, who at the age of 20 has graduated college and become a genetics researcher. (We see the same cold hard ambitious edge her biological mother has, exemplified by her pathological inability to connect with boyfriends or co-workers.) Then, the Protagonist’s sister dies from kidney failure. Our lead sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told her best chance for survival is a close relative and so, begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
In the course of her work she must prepare for arguments being heard to restrict abortions in the state and she is tapped to argue against this (taking a pro-abortion stance) in a preparatory mock trial. She learns that the father of her abandoned child will be the Circuit Appeals Judge (notorious for continuously obstructing abortion rights) who will be hearing the case.
7. Crisis
She argues passionately in her presentation stating, “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… and yet, life IS sacred”. In her intensely conflicted zealousness she collapses – both mentally and physically. The woman goes on a concentrated search for Diane, the daughter, and using a “23&Me” type genetic app, finds her. She contacts Diane, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’; and in the course of email exchanges, the two women agree to meet. We, the audience, are unsure of her motives.
8. Climax
Diane gets into her silver sedan driving to the early morning appointment set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway. She’s momentarily distracted. Brakes Squeal.
Blackout.
9. Resolution
Eyes blink open. The hospital room looks eerily similar to the opening scene. It is, once again, our protagonist but current day. A TV is on, set to the news. Wincing in pain she gets out of bed and walks to a mirror, lifting her gown to reveal a long scar mid-back. She has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Diane walks in, smiling, fresh as a daisy. The mother is stunned silent… this is obviously her daughter, as they practically look like sisters. Diane turns to the TV and raises the volume with the remote. The anchor is reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge at his home this morning, the only lead a silver sedan seen on the street … if anyone has more information… TV switched off, Diane turns to her mother, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC:
Part to be changed: She doesn’t want a child.
Biggest fear: Dying from kidney failure.
Completion of arc: Desires to meet her brilliant daughter for who she is, not what she can do.
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
Opening Scene:
Danica is in the throes of childbirth. It isn’t going well, and we hear from the doctors that she could die. GRAPHIC: “9 Months Earlier”
INT. LAW OFFICES – NIGHT
Danica is working on a case. A senior partner comes in, flirting with her in an all-too-familiar way. She confronts him with the fact that she is pregnant and past the 6 weeks allowable for an abortion in her state. In fact, he was instrumental in passing this law. We see him revealed as the hypocrite he is (ultra right-wing; married with his own kids; but still offering to send her away for an abortion)
INT. DANICA’S SISTER’S HOME
Our lead confides in her Evangelical sister (mother of 2 kids herself) that she doesn’t want this child and wants to flee the state for an abortion. She fears for her health, having been born with only 1 kidney and reminds the sister how she herself almost died in childbirth, twice. The sister guilt-trips her / tells her she’ll grow to love the child.
EXT. HIGHWAY – NIGHT
Danica flees the state. She drives to <st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:state w:st=”on”>New Mexico</st1:state></st1:place> where the abortion laws are more relaxed.
INT. ABORTION CLINIC – DAY
Danica makes an abortion appointment, but at the last minute, can’t go through with it.
<st1:place w:st=”on”><st1:placename w:st=”on”>INT.</st1:placename> <st1:placetype w:st=”on”>HOSPITAL</st1:placetype></st1:place> – NIGHT
We are back at the opening scene of a wretched birthing experience. Danica blacks out; She regains consciousness to the sounds of a screaming infant. A nurse tries to hand her the baby daughter, saying she is fine – except she too was born with the mother’s genetic defect of having only one kidney. The new mother turns away from the squalling infant.
EXT. FIRE STATION – NIGHT
Danica abandons her newborn daughter at a “Safe Haven” firehouse telling the child, “I never wanted you” leaving a note, “Her name is Dianna”.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica’s ambitions bear fruit and she climbs the legal ladder. She is cold, hard, and driven.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Concurrently the biological father’s (Cyrus) story unfolds. He is appointed a Judge and then Superior Circuit Court Judge putting him once again in Danica’s professional orbit. We also see him as a family man, with time passing as his children grow.
INT. ADOPTIVE PARENT’S HOUSE
Dianna graduates college early. She is offered a prestigious job as a medical researcher in genetics.
INT. BIOLOGY LAB – DAY
We see Dianna displaying the same cold hard ambitious edge her biological mother has, exemplified by her pathological inability to connect with boyfriends or co-workers.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – DAY
Danica is a compulsive marathon runner. She begins to show signs of health issues.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – DAY
She receives news of her sister’s death from kidney failure. She can’t bring herself to meet with her nieces and nephew even in their grief.
Second turning point at end of Act 2
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Danica sees her own doctor and is told she too has kidney disease, and must have a transplant to survive. She is told her best chance for survival is a close relative.
INT. DANICA’s HOUSE – NIGHT
She begins seeking out her daughter’s whereabouts online.
INT. LAW OFFICES – DAY
Danica must prepare for arguments being heard to restrict abortions in the state and she is tapped to argue against this in trial. She learns that the father of her abandoned child (Cyrus) will be the Circuit Appeals Judge hearing the case.
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
Danica argues passionately in her presentation stating, “Not everyone’s cut out to be a parent. Not everyone SHOULD be a parent… and yet, life IS sacred”. In her intensely conflicted zealousness she collapses – both mentally and physically.
INT. DANICA’S HOUSE – NIGHT
She goes on a concentrated search for Dianna, the daughter, and using a “23&Me” type genetic app, finds her. She contacts Diane, not disclosing who she is – only a ‘close relative’; and in the course of email exchanges, the two women agree to meet.
EXT. <st1:street w:st=”on”><st1:address w:st=”on”>SUBURBAN STREET</st1:address></st1:street> – EARLY MORNING
Dianna gets into her silver sedan driving to the early morning appointment set to meet her mother. We see a man bending over to get the morning paper from his driveway. She’s momentarily distracted. Brakes Squeal.
Blackout.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – DAY
The hospital room looks eerily similar to the opening scene. A TV is on, set to the news. Wincing in pain Danica gets out of bed and walks to a mirror, lifting her gown to reveal a long scar mid-back. She has gotten her transplant, but looks confused. Her daughter, Diane walks in, smiling, fresh as a daisy. The mother is stunned silent… this is obviously her daughter, as they practically look like sisters. Diane turns to the TV and raises the volume with the remote. The anchor is reporting on the tragic death of Circuit Appeals Court Judge at his home this morning, the only lead a silver sedan seen on the street … if anyone has more information… TV switched off, Diane turns to her mother, “Well, at least he did one thing right in his life – he signed up as an organ donor.”
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Michael Katz 1st Pass
PASS #1: Beginning With Your Structure, Add In Plot and Character Arc
What I learned doing this assignment is…? Having the 9-beat bones laid out really enables logical and creative hole filling.
1. LOGLINE: When a nobody inventor suffering from megalomania has his revolutionary scientific work sabotaged, he seeks vindication for his technology and vows to take over the world to stop evil corporations and politicians.
2. PLOT/PLOT SUMMARY: #6. Revenge
Traeger (Protagonist) has a moral justification for vengeance and seeks retaliation against evil corporations and politicians (Antagonist).
3. STRUCTURE: 9-beat
1. OPENING SCENE — After not getting his way and being bullied, poor, young boy Traeger takes out his frustration by burning ants using the thick lenses of his glasses to magnify the sun into a beam.
2. INCITING INCIDENT — Scientist Traeger’s small-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged by an unknown entity.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT — Traeger seeks vindication for his technology and vengeance against evil corporations and politicians
4. END OF FIRST ACT TURNING POINT — Fleeing for his life as thugs chase him from his laboratory, Traeger accepts movie star/environmental activist Imelyna’s invitation to relocate and finish his work.
5. SECOND ACT MID-POINT — Frustrated by lack of progress caused by interference from evil corporations and politicians, Traeger decides to turn to villainy to pursue vindication and vengeance.
6. END OF SECOND ACT TURNING POINT — With his masterplan and all of his lairs in ruin, Traeger descends fully into megalomania and becomes a megalomaniac.
7. CRISIS — Traeger tricks disloyal Imelyna into giving him the codes, and he wounds her so he can escape from Derek the spy to space.
8. CLIMAX — Megalomaniac Traeger gives POTUS an ultimatum: let him rule the world and install his energy system or he will destroy the planet. His full-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged, and the world’s governments try to assassinate him by firing nuclear missiles at him in space. Traeger neutralizes the misses with his magnifier, then turns it into a weapon and annihilates earth.
9. RESOLUTION — Traeger sits alone in the small space station, “I’m not the last man on earth. I’m god.”, Traeger alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then silence, then he blasts the moon to smithereens
4. PROTAGONIST CHARACTER ARC
Traeger goes from helpless to stop the powerful to a megalomaniac who has unlimited power to defeat evil.
PART TO BE CHANGED: He is impotent, helpless to stop the powerful
BIGGEST FEAR: He won’t be powerful enough to get vindication and vengeance
COMPLETION OF ARC: He becomes omnipotent, regarding himself a god with unlimited power to defeat evil
5. PLOT IN STRUCTURE
1. OPENING SCENE — After not getting his way and being bullied, poor, young boy Traeger takes out his frustration by burning ants using the thick lenses of his glasses to magnify the sun into a beam.
Scientist Traeger meets actor/environmental activist Imelyna early on as she is reporting on his breakthrough technology for social media. She believes his revolutionary energy system will stop global warming.
2. INCITING INCIDENT — Scientist Traeger’s small-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier malfunctions, and a few people are injured, including Traeger, who refuses to go to the hospital.
3. BY PAGE 10, WE KNOW WHAT THE MOVIE IS ABOUT — Traeger discovers it is sabotage, and he seeks vindication for his technology and vengeance against the company whose offer he rejected.
Imelyna helps him physically recover. However, Traeger is mentally shaken after learning the company doesn’t actually exist. He starts to get paranoid, fearing a sinister plot to keep him down. Imelyna invites Traeger to relocate with her where she will support him while he continues to pursue his work. Traeger doesn’t accept.
The university pulls the plug and shuts down his project. He now feels helpless and powerless.
Imelyna convinces him that there’s a conspiracy against him, that the world’s current entrenched oil, gas, and coal interests, including multinational companies, oligarchs, and governments don’t want him to succeed.
4. END OF FIRST ACT TURNING POINT — Fleeing for his life as thugs chase him from his laboratory, Traeger accepts movie star/environmental activist Imelyna’s invitation to relocate and finish his work.
EXT. Imelyna’s Scandinavian Glacial Estate – DAY
Imelyna takes Traeger on a tour of her family’s land, shows him the effects of global warming, Imelyna says she has starter money, but he’s going to have to commercialize a small piece of the technology so they can finance their enterprise, he jokes “so then is this where we’re going to build our lair?”
INT. Small Warehouse Laboratory – DAY
Traeger invents a solar panel with a magnifying glass layer – increases energy by 500% – they plan to sell the device, “but it’s only incremental change, only the beginning” “but first we’re gonna need a couple heaps of sand”
EXT. Imelyna’s Maldives Estate – DAY
Traeger and Imelyna in bathing suits are lying back in lounge chairs under an umbrella on an empty beach, digging their toes in the fine white powder sand, sipping on a cocktail, “98% pure silica, you sure you want to plunder…this?” “this strip used to be a half mile wide, the beach is shrinking…rather the ocean is rising” “so then is this where we’re going to build our lair?”
INT. Huge Industrial Manufacturing Plant
Business plan, meet HR manager, hiring locals, meet attorney, setting up operations, manufacturing new solar panels, selling by the truckload, montage of expanding business, financial accounts growing, designing innovations, amassing a fortune, growing an empire
Imelyna guides the exponential growth of the company. She secures several huge accounts/projects.
INT. AWARD CEREMONY – NIGHT
Gala thrown to award Traeger a prestigious technology innovation award
Attorney mentions 57 patent infringement lawsuits, none real, all designed to settle for a payout or to slow their progress, Traeger says to fight them all.
Traeger and Imelyna look at business bank accounts, and they are amassing wealth. He is a certifiable tycoon.
Traeger and Imelyna go shopping for clothes, cars, jewelry, and mansions.
However, suddenly the government passes a red tape law, which Traeger calls his attorney to fight.
Traeger and Imelyna meet Derek, who they don’t know is a spy, and Traeger is dismissive. They discover their computer system was hacked and some IP was stolen.
Traeger and Imelyna hold a charitable function. Traeger announces he is running for political office.
Traeger is the subject of a fake scandal, ending his political aspirations.
Traeger has a shipment of goods stalled in port.
Traeger kills a regulator
5. SECOND ACT MID-POINT — Frustrated by lack of progress caused by interference from evil corporations and politicians, Traeger decides to turn to villainy to pursue vindication and vengeance. He feels moral superiority and self-righteous indignation, and rationalizes that he tried creating change the right way, so now he’s entitled to bend the rules and do it the evil way.
Traeger develops a masterplan to give himself finally the upper hand over the antagonists so he can achieve vindication for his revolutionary energy system and vengeance.
Traeger holds a meeting among powerful international bad guys and explains his vision for the organization and world energy domination
Traeger and Imelyna have different realtors in different countries take them on tours of various locations to build secret compounds
Traeger meets with HR to make decisions regarding recruiting lackeys, bodyguards, thugs, and minions
Traeger meets with various experts showing him cutting edge options for computer network, building security, and spy traps
Derek charms Imelyna.
Imelyna expresses her concern to Traeger, who rationalizes that the ends justify the means. First crack in the Traeger/Imelyna relationship.
Traeger and Imelyna have various exotic animal handlers show them his pet options
Traeger creates a criminal enterprise to progress their agenda.
One of Traeger’s factories burns to the ground.
Gadget guy demonstrates silly and over-the-top toys for Traeger
Traeger discovers that his henchman has been murdered after a struggle. And Imelyna has been gone an unusually long time.
When Imelyna returns she says she was out shopping and gives Traeger a new pair of glasses.
Traeger is alerted that Derek has infiltrated the lair, and bombs destroy the lair. Derek escapes Traeger’s minions.
Traeger is baffled by how Derek seems prescient, always finding Traeger around the world at his next lair. He cancels a visit to the battery receptacle because it is too dangerous.
Traeger and Derek play cat and mouse again at the next lair, but Derek escapes in a flying car.
Because Traeger is suspicious of Imelyna, he tells her that he has captured Derek and put him in the giant glass ant farm torture chamber.
Traeger discovers that Imelyna has betrayed him as she goes to the ant farm to release Derek. Imelyna admits that she can’t control her feelings for Derek. But she still loves Traeger too.
Bombs interrupt/explode and the compound is on fire. Derek confronts Traeger, and they have a heart to heart discussion. Each thinks the other is evil.
6. END OF SECOND ACT TURNING POINT — With his masterplan and all of his lairs in ruin, Traeger descends fully into megalomania and becomes a megalomaniac.
7. CRISIS — Traeger apologizes to Imelyna for failing to achieve their goals, and tells her to be happy with Derek. Imelyna gives him the codes that will allow him one last desperate attempt to make his plan work. Derek enters, so Traeger wounds Imelyna to distract Derek so he can escape via rocket to space. Traeger witnesses Imelyna whisper something to Derek before he turns the corner.
Traeger doesn’t kill her. He feels like a failure, so he wants to do one thing right, and treat her right. Since he knows he’s probably going to die anyway, he thanks her for all the years of loving support, and he forgives her betrayal, and is willing to let her go be with Derek because he wants her to be happy. Imelyna appreciates his heart of gold, and as she says goodbye, she gives him the codes that will allow him one last desperate attempt to make his plan work
Traeger blasts off in a rocket to his space station in outer space.
8. CLIMAX — Megalomaniac Traeger gives POTUS an ultimatum: let him rule the world and install his energy system or he will destroy the planet. His full-scale demonstration of his revolutionary energy magnifier is sabotaged, and the world’s governments try to assassinate him by firing nuclear missiles at him in space. Traeger neutralizes the misses with his magnifier, then turns it into a weapon and annihilates earth.
9. RESOLUTION — Traeger sits alone in the small space station, “I’m not the last man on earth. I’m god.”, Traeger alternates between maniacal laughter and crying, then silence, then he blasts the moon to smithereens
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Hi Michael I saw this.. is it meant to be in the Partner Up to Exchange Critiques on Story Logic Webs section? Do you want feedback?
K
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Certainly, I would really value your insights. Would you like the same?
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DAY7
Applying Plot and CharacterArc to Your Outline
ASSIGNMENT
1. Logline:
On the day of his daughter’s dead, a government official finds out she was part of a prostitution ring that work for higher government officials. While investigating this, he discovers a conspiracy to steal pension money by members of the government that now want him dead. He will have to decide between clean his daughter’s name or expose the conspiracy before they get to him.
2. Plot/Plot Summary: Riddle: Robert, a government official, has to figure out why his daughter killed herself. First, he learns that it was due to gossip about her being a slut in college and some photos running around. Then, trying to find out who leaked the images, he finds out the photos are genuine, and the rumors go beyond that. His daughter was the leader of a prostitution ring on campus. She provided the service to higher government officials. Then he discovers that she did not kill herself; she was murdered.
The next piece on the puzzle is that Robert finds out that her daughter discovered a conspiracy to steal pension money from government members. Then he finds out His best friend and daughter’s godfather, Thomas, is the leader of this conspiracy, and not only he was involved with her daughter, but he has been abusing her since she was 14. And wants him dead for asking too many questions.
When he finds out everything, he wants vengeance and does everything in his hands to achieve this goal. Still, in the end, he finds himself between letting the crime being committed survive and letting his daughter’s reputation be clean or trashing her daughter’s reputation and dying himself by exposing the corruption.
1. Structure:
1. Opening:
We open with a benefit dinner, attended by Robert, a government official, his college daughter; their relationship has been distant since his wife died of cancer four years ago. And his best friend and daughter’s godfather, Thomas.
2.Inciting Incident.
A day after he reconnects with his daughter, Robert finds out that she has committed suicide; when he asks why the university tells him that it is due to a rumor, and some photos circulated the university, calling her a slut..
3. By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Robert sets out to investigate the facts to clear his daughter’s name. So he sends a detective he knows very well from his days as a CIA agent.
4. First turning point at end of Act 1:
The detective investigates and finds out that his daughter did have a secret life: she was part of a group of university prostitutes who provided services to high-ranking government officials. And that she did not commit suicide, they killed her; however, the detective does not finish to inform him why he is killed.
5. Mid-Point
Robert, full of rage and thirst for revenge, now tries to find out who killed his daughter and why to unmask them and clear her name.
6. Second turning point at end of Act 2
Robert discovers that his daughter belonged to a prostitution network and that she was the leader of it and that his best friend and daughter’s godfather abused her since she was 14 years old. And that, in a session with an official, she discovered a conspiracy to steal workers’ pensions. She was most likely killed for it. Then Robert suffers an attack. Someone wants to kill him. And they kill the people who bring him closer to the truth. Investigating like this has become impossible.
7.Crisis
Robert realizes what this could mean for him, for his daughter’s reputation, and for the rest of his friends and family. His friend contacts him and gives him a choice, telling him that he can clean up the image of his dead daughter and stop persecuting him if he accepts a part of the pension money and stops investigating further. Or he will release the truth about his daughter, to stain more her name, and will end up killing him.
8.Climax
Robert decides to reveal everything. So he goes for the papers with his contact, but he is killed just as he hands him the papers, to which Robert has to run for his life.
9.Resolution
Robert has to get to a point where he will send things to one of his contacts, a journalist who will publish the information right then and there. Robert succeeds, but at the price of his life.
In the end, the culprits are arrested, the truth of his daughter comes to light. And he dies as one more victim of government corruption.
4. Protagonist Character Arc:
Part to be changed: To be a good father and husband, you must accept your faults.
Biggest fear: Being exposed as a bad father and a bad husband
Completion of arc: Robert must accept and expose his flaws and their consequences to the world in
order to expose the public pension conspiracy.
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Justina Mitchell’s 1st Pass
What I learned doing this assignment is that even though I know a lot about how this story goes, I still need to make a couple very big decisions about it’s setting – time & place – and what pretense my protagonist is going to use to explain his being there – genealogist, computer something, town savior, writer, painter????
Concept:
A very wealthy man who has no heirs considers leaving his money to one of three distant, unfamiliar cousins, but to find out how they will handle a massive fortune, he decides to give each of them a small fortune while he lives among them incognito and observes their handling of it.
Plot Selection:
Quest –
Stanley, who keeps to himself, goes incognito to find who should be the heir to his wealth. As he observes the different way his distant relatives handle money, he begins to question his own way of handling money. He is also reminded that the best people aren’t always the richest, including himself. In the end, he finds love with one of those best people which notion he was diametrically opposed to at the outset.
9 Structure Beats:
Opening:
We see Stanley in his opulent yet rather isolated life.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life; he chokes on a sausage or absent-mindedly cartwheels down the grand staircase or something like that.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only know relatives in order to pick one.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer/friend.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds by feeling like she can’t trust him.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
Character Arc of your protagonist:
Part to be changed: Stanley doesn’t have any intimately close relationships.
Biggest fear: Stanley fears his bequeathed money will ruin the people that he meant to help with it.
Completion of arc: Stanley falls in love with a generous, giving woman who will help his money help others.
PLOT IN STRUCTURE:
Opening:
We see Stanley in his opulent yet rather isolated life.
1. INT – STANLEY’S NEW YORK OFFICES – NIGHT
Stanley Fulton is leaving his opulent office while staff members cordially tell him goodnight. As soon as he is gone the staff members look relieved.
2. EXT – CITY STREET – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS
Stanley comes out of the office building and a well-dressed couple who are acquaintances of his stop and chat with him for a minute. The unattractive man is a bit drunk, and the woman is insincerely devoted to him; both circumstances, Stanley picks up on disapprovingly.
3. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is cordial, but not close with his cook/housekeeper who leaves for the night. He eats his dinner by himself as he focuses on business.
Inciting Incident:
Stanley nearly dies in a funny but frightening way within the framework of his everyday life.
4. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT
Stanley is climbing the grand staircase when he, forgetting something, turns to descend the staircase. His feet get tangled and he has a humorously horrific tumble down the entire flight of stairs. The papers that were in his hands go flying. He lays at the bottom in a heap.
5. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – NIGHT – LATER
Stanley awakens at the bottom of the staircase. In a daze, he starts picking up his papers. When he sees his bloodied reflection in the mirror, he is so startled he throws the papers in the air as he runs away from the reflection and knocks himself out again.
6. INT – STANLEY’S MANSION – DAY
A concierge doctor is attending to Stanley’s injuries; portable MRI machine and all. Stanley’s friend and lawyer, Ned, is also there. Stanley reveals to Ned that he is concerned about what to do with his money when he dies. He talks about how inherited money ruined the man he ran into the night before. He also states that he, Stanley, doesn’t want a gold-digging woman like that man had. He also dismisses giving the money to colleges or charities. Ned mentions relatives, and Stanley has a brilliant idea come to him.
By page 10, you know what the movie is about:
Stanley has determined that he needs an heir and has devised a plan to go live among his only known relatives in order to pick one.
7. EXT – HILLERTON TRAIN STATION – DAY
Stanley gets off a train wearing a full beard and mustache and respectable but inexpensive clothing.
8. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY
Stanley is walking down the residential streets of the small town with two rolling suitcases.
First Turning Point at the end of Act 1:
Stanley arrives in Hillerton in beard and modestly priced garb and begins boarding with one of his cousins. He becomes acquainted with his cousins and their current way of life.
9. EXT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
At their expansive and expensive rented house, Stanley introduces himself to the Driscoll family as John Smith, a respectable, trustworthy genealogist who is researching a book on the Driscoll family. He provides a letter of introduction from a respected banker in town. He asks if they might be interested in his boarding with them. They are polite but send him to their brother Frank’s house for boarding.
10. EXT – STREETS OF HILLERTON – DAY – CONTINUOUS
Stanley, who is now John Smith, has an informative walk with Jackie, the youngest Driscoll, across town to Frank’s house.
11. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY – CONTINUOUS
John Smith arranges to stay in the modest and plastic covered apartment of his cousin’s family above their grocery store.
12. EXT – JIM DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John goes to ask Hattie Driscoll, Jim’s wife, about family history. While there he meets Maggie Duff, the older step-sister of the Driscolls.
13. INT – FLORA DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John is visiting with Flora Driscoll, his spinster cousin. She shows him a family album that contains a magazine photo of him as Stanley. She sees the resemblance, but then chalks it up to his also being a distant cousin of theirs.
14. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John goes to Maggie’s home because the family records are kept there. He meets Father Duff, and sees how deftly Maggie handles the cantankerous old man.
15. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME- DAY
John sits at a table and works his way through the family records. He sees many family members come and go asking for advise and taking advantage of Maggie, which she handles with love and wisdom. He also gets a good feel as to how the family members currently handle/regard money.
Mid-Point:
The small fortune that was to be given to the cousins arrives via Stanley’s lawyer, Ned.
16. INT – FRANK DRISCOLL’S HOME – DAY
John arrives home to find all the Driscolls gathered in the living room. They learn that they each have been given $2,000,000 from their famous, distant cousin, the ultra-wealthy Stanley Fulton. They are very excited.
17. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
John and Maggie discuss her not being in the bequeath and how the others are handling the money. Jane comes by to ask Maggie if she could now board John.
18. INT – JAMES DRISCOLL’S NEW HOME – NIGHT
At an elaborate party we see how the different members of the family are responding to having wealth.
Second turning point at the end of Act 2:
All the happiness and joy of the cousins is dwindling as the complications of having a small fortune and what they have done with it is starting to hit home.
19. INT – TOWN JAIL – NIGHT
John and Maggie bail Frank junior out of jail and gives him words of wisdom to straighten up his act.
20. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
John and Maggie find Bessie with a young man she loves, but who isn’t rich so her mother doesn’t approve of him. They give her comfort and strive to come up with a solution for her.
Crisis:
As Stanley and Maggie are trying to help the cousins with their money complications, they grow closer and suddenly Stanley realizes he is in love with her.
21. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
A man comes to see Maggie, and she is very secretive about who he is. As jealousy wells up in John, he realizes he doesn’t want to be without Maggie, ever.
22. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
Someone asks John if his research is over and if he’ll be leaving soon. Maggie realizes she loves John.
Climax:
Stanley has to confess to Maggie that he has been lying to her this whole time about who he is, and she responds angrily and feels that she can’t trust him.
23. INT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – NIGHT
The deadline for the second letter to be read is nearly up and John/Stanley has to come clean to Maggie about who he really is. She is furious that he has been lying to the entire family this whole time. She kicks Stanley out of her home.
Resolution:
Maggie decides that it wasn’t such a terrible lie, and she forgives Stanley. They then devise a plan to break the news to the rest of the family.
24. EXT – MAGGIE DUFF’S HOME – DAY
Jackie asks for John, and Maggie tells her that John is staying at the motel. Jackie cries because she never saw Maggie so happy as when John was around. Maggie agrees and searches out John.
25. EXT – TOWN PARK – DAY
Maggie and John make up. She tells him that she inherited $1,000,000 from her father’s side of the family; that was who the mysterious stranger was. They discuss how they will tell the rest of the family.
26. EXT – TRAIN STATION – DAY
John leaves town and several of the family members see him off.
27. EXT – REMOTE EDGE OF A SOUTH AMERICAN JUNGLE – DAY
John goes into the jungle with a small group. Stanley Fulton emerges from the jungle with a different small group carrying lots of crates.
28. INT – SOUTH AMERICAN HOTEL – DAY
Stanley checks into the hotel under his real name which catches the attention of the locals.
29. EXT – LARGE PRIVATE JET – DAY
Stanley boards a private jet with the crates.
30. EXT – LARGE PRIVATE JET ARRIVING NEW YORK CITY – DAY
Stanley deplanes into a throng of reporters. He is welcomed by Ned and his family, including their house guest who Stanley is “introduced” to, Miss Maggie Duff. News headlines reveal that Stanley is dating Maggie Duff and then announces their engagement.
THE END
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