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Day 7 Assignment
Reply to Post Your Assignment.
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26 Replies
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Jeff’s Query Letter
What I learned is the query letter is the essence of the script. I’ve already got future scripts in mind due to this lesson.
Dear Producer:
Would a doctor kill to save a loved one?
Title: THE BEST PAINKILLER
Genre: Crime-drama Thriller
Logline: After a doctor is swindled by a boat broker, he endangers himself and his family as he tries to recover stolen money intended for his grandson’s life-saving treatment.
Synopsis:
A doctor’s wife has legal custody of their infant grandson. When the doctor learns his grandson needs expensive cancer treatment, he unwittingly lists his heirloom boat with a drug-smuggling swindler.
The swindler’s recent drug deal blows up and he’s on the verge of bankruptcy. Desperate, and fully aware that a child’s life is at stake, he sells the boat and steals the money.
Bad plan. The doctor is an anesthesiologist, renowned as the best pain killer. The authorities prove useless, so the doctor confronts criminals on their turf.
Nobody comes out a winner. Inspired by a true story.
Ensemble cast with a variety of roles, including cameos and voice only.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Jeff Bryce
(I would add my address & phone numbers too)
jeff@bryce.caBio: Jeff’s screenplays place in current contests. His unique points of view are shaped through his professional experiences as a published landscape photographer & writer, financial & tax advisor, and laborer as a teen and young man.
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Paul’s Query Letter
5. What I learned from this assignment is that I have to put on my salesman’s hat but not lose my writer’s hat. I have to think 100% in terms of the reader. Hal says keep it short and make sure there is plenty of white space on the page, so perhaps I can still make it more concise.
3. Query Letter
Title: Scarred for Life
Genre: Thriller
Synopsis:
Terrorists killed three of her best friends; now it time for revenge.
Cindy returns from a tour of duty in Afghanistan after a terrorist attack killed three of her best buddies and left her scarred for life. To forget the hell she’s been through, she goes on a Mediterranean cruise. Because of her scarred body and face, she is scorned by the other passengers. She retreats to her cabin and that is where she is when terrorists hijack the vessel and kill over 100 passengers.
The remaining passengers now depend on the battlefield skills of the woman they scorned.
Cindy emerges from her cabin to take on the terrorists. She takes them out one by one but the job is made more difficult when she discover the 2nd Mate is on their side. But he and the last two terrorists finally end up facing Cindy’s one-woman firing squad. Remembering the fate of her three friends, she shoots each terrorist in the head. The passengers cheer. When the ship docks in a Spanish port police come aboard, passing by the corpses of the 100 or so dead passengers. They arrest Cindy. The charge: violating the terrorists’ human rights.
Cindy has left the real world again and returned to fantasy world.
If you like the concept, I’d be glad to send you the script.
Yours, PM
Bio: Finalist in an international screenwriting festival in 2019.
Contact details: email/phone/address.
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John Alen’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is how to apply everything learned so far into a query letter.
“Our enemies must know that we are the ones able to cause the greatest trouble. I believe the word is pandemonium.”
Octavia Velasco is a woman of charm and grace who is also psychotic and ruthless. She shows just how far she’ll go against her competitors when she blows up a plane loaded with MDMA causing white powder to fall from the sky like snow. Her competitors retaliate by targeting Maria, Octavia’s feisty adult daughter, kidnapping her off the street in broad daylight.
With an all-out drug war looming, the authorities turn in desperation to Chris Rainey, a former corrupt cop now doing time, and offer him his freedom if he can use his connection with Octavia to stop her reign of terror. Rainey agrees and reconnects with Octavia who assigns him the task of rescuing Maria. But upon rescuing her, Maria tells Rainey that she wants her mother stopped. They agree to betray Octavia’s confidence.
But by the time they’ve gathered evidence against her Octavia learns of the betrayal bringing down her greatest wrath yet. As the authorities begin closing in on her, she has her henchmen torture Rainey and sets a plan in motion to detonate a truck full of explosives in the middle of the city. With Rainey appearing done for, Octavia sets out to wreak the most pandemonium she can.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. Thank you for your time.
Best,
John Alen
(213)364-9720
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John, I’m trying to imagine how she could get a bomb on a plane these days. Also, are you sure about the physics of MDMA powder falling like snow after the explosion? At higher altitudes, air pressure and temperature decrease, and since MDMA is water-soluble wouldn’t it be more likely to vaporize or stay suspended like the clouds?
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Elizabeth Yanders’ Query Letter
I learned to use the most interesting things about the script in the query letter. I changed the placement of the non-bio. Thought it would work better in the body of the letter since it’s about the script, not me.
Dear Producer,
Title: Flint Hill
Written by Elizabeth Yanders
Genre: Horror/Supernatural Thriller
How can an eleven-year-old boy stop a murderous spirit child from taking his family when she’s already dead?
Evan hopes this move will be different. Maybe he won’t be bullied at school and maybe his dad will keep his job, but soon finds there’s a bigger problem. Abigail, a lonely dead girl, lives in his backyard and she wants love, which means his family. He’ll have to stop her on his own because his mom doesn’t believe she exists, and his sister thinks she’s magic.
When Evan’s makeshift exorcism doesn’t work, Abigail sends a dead “pet” to kill him. He destroys the pet, and in return she kills Fuzzy, the family dog. His mom thinks Evan did it to prove Abigail is real, and he’ll have to be institutionalized again. Devastated and certain he’s next to die, Evan steals the family car to run away, but the sight of his fragile sister makes him stay and fight for all their lives.
He’s a worthy opponent, but Abigail has a bigger arsenal. When one of Abigail’s “human pets” kills his mother, Evan realizes he needs to get what’s left of his family off Flint Hill before they become Abigail’s for eternity.
Flint Hill scored 96/100 by seasoned Hollywood readers and placed in several contest including:
Top Ten, Table Read My Screenplay, Horror/Sci-Fi Genre: FLINT HILL hurt my heart. It made me tense. It scared me on an emotional level.
Semi Finalist, ScreenCraft Horror Competition: FLINT HILL is a tense, beautifully written horror/thriller story with some genuinely horrifying moments. The gripping opening scene grabs your attention by the neck. It’s shocking and surprising, but it still feels incredibly real… The sense of imagination will set this story apart from so many others.
Let me know if I can send Flint Hill to you. Thanks for your time and consideration.
Best regards,
Liz Yanders
(Contact Info:)
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Stephen Maynard’s – Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is, It takes time to be brief. One must extract the essence of a thing and convey it. Get straight to the point (THE BIG HOOK) with minimum details. I’ll begin with a tasty TAGLINE for the POB poster.
BEGIN LETTER
Stephen F Maynard
Dear Mr. Producer:
Tails he wins, heads they lose.
I just finished polishing PANDORA’S OTHER BOX, a HORROR romp about a sexually frustrated slacker that grows rich and satiated selling transgenic WORMS that morph old ladies into gorgeous young submissive girls – who eat men’s heads.
LOCATIONS are in and around a picturesque Southern California coastal college town.
We’ve got teenage girls, a love story, hags with faces morphing into ugly LAMPREY FISH MOUTHS, gruesome killings of different flavors, a HEROINE that gets kidnapped, a close call rescue from a cruel fate, and a HERO that single-handedly subdues multiple attackers.
We’ve got a VILLAIN that makes Chucky and Iago look like altar boys as he betrays his best friend and attempts to kill him as he moves through his transformational journey, and we explore TIMELY and UNIVERSAL themes. And did I mention, WE HAVE A LOVE STORY.
If you like the concept, I’d love to send you the script and my LOOKBOOK.
Thank you for your consideration.
Very truly yours,
Stephen Maynard
BIO: I’m a card-carrying IATASE member who’s worked on movies and TV shows. I have a couple of degrees in theatre from San Diego State University and one in film from UCLA.
86 REDEMPTION WAY LAS VEGAS NV 89118 ( 702 362-5555
END LETTER.
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Karen Crider/ How to write a great query letter. I learned it takes time to work up something that piques the interest of those who have seen it all– and some who wish they’d never seen.at all. lol.
How To Train Your Tutu
Comedy
Dear …
A teenage, girl, (16) struggles to overcome a serious doughnut addiction
stemming from a ballerina-repressed environment, her widowed father creates, when he dooms her dreams of being a ballerina for something “more practical,” like nursing.
She uses his money set aside for upper biology courses
to buy a second-hand tutu, rife with the stench of cigarettes and stale perfume, that comes free of charge. Just one of the many areas her nemesis torments her for.
The title of the script is taken from, How to Train Your Dragon,
of which the essence of nursing has become a dragon she fights daily. The timeline is during Covid 19. The script is a 98 page, fictional read. Can she find a way to choose ballet slippers over nursing shoes and train her tutu so it fits for life? For a copy of, How to Train Your Tutu, call: 218-821-3520 or email me at: karencrider@yahoo.com.
Sincerely,
Karen Crider
I am a lifelong writer, contest winner and author published in other genres. For ten years, I mentored /edited for/ and promoted other writers in my writer’s group. For years, I have studied screenwriting courses at workshops, conferences and schools such as ScreenwritingU and Screenwriting University. This is my sixth script.
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Phyllis MacBryde – Query Letter
What I learned in doing this assignment is to make the story clear in three short paragraphs, cut out everything else, and open with a line of dialogue from the lead character.
CREATING ZINZI
Genre: Drama/Adventure
I was drawn here. To a world I’d imagined for Zinzi. I wanted to know you.
Molly, a playwright seeks a grant to workshop her musical from Joyce, a powerful Broadway producer. Molly, who is white, is not what Joyce, a Black woman, had in mind when her team selected underrepresented writers. The musical centers around “Zinzi,” an African child, Molly explains. “I’d really love to workshop it in Africa.” Joyce reels. “Why in God’s name did they pick your musical?” Molly blows the grant opportunity, but undeterred, she squeezes her savings and flies to Cape Town to ensure the authenticity of her musical’s African scenes.
Unaware of this development, Joyce reconsiders. She approves the grant, which enables Molly to secure a theater and bring her Broadway principals to Africa. At “rehearsal camp,” a remote, yet stunning wilderness setting, the actors collaborate with indigenous women — guardians of ancient music and the lost art of throat-singing. They live with an awareness of the Ancestor Spirits all around them.
Joyce is aghast to learn that Molly has actually gone to Africa. She flies to Cape Town to keep the workshop afloat only to learn that Molly has betrayed the indigenous women she came to represent. Fearing the Ancestor’s wrath, the African women are demanding a ritual sacrifice. Only then can the musical go on. With minutes ticking down to the performance and Joyce intervening, Molly struggles to keep the whole thing from flying apart.
If the concept is of interest, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: Phyllis is a produced playwright, a Nicholl Fellowship finalist, William Wisdom – William Faulkner top five finalist for Zinzi, a novel, Kaufman Award recipient for Zinzi the Musical, and producer of a documentary/concert film, Branford Marsalis – Steep. Her unique perspective is informed by her background in theater and from shooting a documentary in South Africa.
Contact information:
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Karen Crider/ corrected version.
How to write a great query letter. I learned it takes time to work up something that piques the interest of those who have seen it all– and some who wish they’d never seen some writing at all lol.
How To Train Your Tutu
Comedy
Dear …
A teenage, girl, (16) struggles to overcome a serious doughnut addiction
stemming from a ballerina-repressed environment, her widowed father creates, when he dooms her dreams of being a ballerina for something “more practical,” like nursing.
She uses his money set aside for upper biology courses
to buy a second-hand tutu, rife with the stench of cigarettes and stale perfume. The odors come free of charge. Just one of the many areas her nemesis torments her about.
The title of the script is taken from, How to Train Your Dragon,
of which the essence of nursing becomes a dragon she fights daily. The timeline is during Covid 19. The script is a 98 page, fictional read. Can she find a way to choose ballet slippers over nursing shoes and train her tutu so it fits for life? For a copy of, How to Train Your Tutu, call: 218-821-3520 or email me at: karencrider@yahoo.com.
Sincerely,
Karen Crider
I am a lifelong writer, contest winner and author published in other genres. For ten years, I mentored /edited for/ and promoted other writers in my writer’s group. For years, I have studied screenwriting courses at workshops, conferences and schools such as ScreenwritingU and Screenwriting University. This is my sixth script.
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Leland’s Query Letter
Opening Hook:
The cop is a lady, a beauty, with a talent for beating up big men.
Synopsis:
She’s a cop, tall, beautiful, athletic and capable of taking down big men with ease. The cop shop is a man’s club. Beauty queens not welcome. Their response is to set up roadblocks. Our lady cop breaks them down, repeatedly. The boys club cringes when she catches the bad guys, including a serial killer and becomes the hero, even when she’s taken prisoner, drugged, and unwittingly escapes. She has hidden resources, including a secret weapon in a geek friend who helps her discover what’s going on behind her back, gives her the tools to fight back. When a super hacker sends mercenaries to take out her geek friend, she’s there, carries him to safety, literally, on her back. There’s a battle, Uzis against handguns, a big chase, and a final shootout where the lady cop takes down the super hacker. Just another day at the office.
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Assignment 7, Query Letter
Gordon Roback: What I learned from this assignment is that the query should read fast and be interesting and enticing.
Camerone
Action Adventure
What would you do if you were surrounded, vastly outnumbered and low on ammunition?
Would you surrender or would you fight? You are out of food and water. The men of your company are hit, one by one, but you refuse to surrender. Then, when out of ammunition, would you and the other five men still standing fix bayonets and charge the attacking army?
This is the ultimate Alamo story. It took place in 1863 when France invaded Mexico
during the American Civil War. The screenplay is based on the true events.
a) A company of the French Foreign Legion is the advance guard of a gold shipment to pay the French soldiers besieging Mexico City. If the gold is lost, this would be the end of the French invasion. Captain Danjou is told if you run into trouble the relief column will be two hours behind.
b) After marching all night the 65 men are attacked by 2,200 Mexicans about 7:00 am.
c) They manage to fight their way to a stone house near Camerone and take up defenses.
d) They hold off the Mexicans, even though they are outnumbered 60 to 1.
e) The Mexicans think they have the gold
f) After repulsing several attacks the Legion is surrounded by huge piles of Mexican dead.
g) By 2:00 pm the legion is down to 20 men still standing. They are out of water, food and medicine. They are running low on ammunition. But they refuse the offer to surrender.
h) About 3 pm they see a huge dust cloud coming toward them. They cheer, thinking they are being relieved, but it is more Mexicans. A lot more.
i) They now realize their situation is hopeless. But they continue to resist.
j) About 6:00 pm they are out of ammunition. Refusing to surrender, the six Legionnaires still standing fix bayonets and attack the Mexican army.
This is the battle that made the French Foreign Legion a legend.
If you want to understand courage, this is the film to see.
Given the box office success of such films as Zulu, Fury, 300 and 1917 there is a definite market for this kind of film, especially one with the romantic cache of “The French Foreign Legion”
There are many great roles here. In Zulu, first film, Michael Caine became a star in a supporting role.
A bit about me.
I earned a MFA in film production at the University of Southern California. While there I won a Phi Beta Kappa scholarship in film production and won the Jack Nicholson Award, the senior writing prize of the film school for “The Black Watch”, a war film. The decision of the judges was unanimous.
In addition to optioning five screenplays I have sold another two outright and I was co-writer on “Money”. The feature film and miniseries (two different screenplays) was directed by Steven H Stern and produced by Cinemax (France) and Rene Malo Films (Canada). Another of my scripts is currently being read by a producer on inktip.
I am a Canadian citizen and live in Vancouver, BC.
If you would like to read the screenplay I would be happy to send it to you.
I can be reached at meetfriday@hotmail.com or by phone at …
Sincerely,
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What I learned doing this assignment is How Long the Synopsis Should Be. At last!
Mark’s Query Letter
Dear Producer,
What’s the most terrifying force of nature? A lightning storm that knows who you are and where you live.
TITLE: SkyFire
GENRE: Sci-Fi thriller (TV series adapted from the novel by Thomas Page)
Synopsis:
A Navy weapons test creates a violent storm out of a clear, blue sky, and lightning bolts begin killing birds, animals and insects on the remote south sea island. When the first scientist is also killed, the team leader, Holden, an ex-military pilot, saves their lives with an ingenious plan and flies them to safety.
The Navy’s best weather expert discovers the storm can morph itself into different-looking weather patterns, and is crossing seas and continents heading for them. When the storm has killed all his team members, Holden is torn between fleeing and protecting Gina, his college sweetheart and true love, now a widow, along with her bratty three-year-old son.
The Navy brass are ready to sacrifice Holden to the storm to stop the destruction. Only when the looming storm attacks Gina and son does he realize the boy has his DNA, and is HIS OWN son. That’s when he comes up with a stunning plan that will either kill him or save the planet.
BIO: Mark’s first feature script was written and co-produced at age 24, and a second feature script was produced years later. This script is a Semi-Finalist, Screencraft TV Pilot Competition. Representation is by Stuart Arbury at Ramo Law.
If this concept interests you, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Feel free to contact me at any one of these contacts.
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Guil’s Query Letter.
What I learned doing this assignment is that I was able to write the first draft of a query letter that may be interesting. Working from the hooks allowed me to focus on what might be engaging for the reader. It’s a good start…
Title: The Dreammaker’s Revenge
Written by: Guil Parreiras
Genre: Crime / Drama
Sometimes a Hollywood dream can become a nightmare!
A crazed movie-obsessed screenwriter and his director are in financial ruin because of the failure of their indie film. The logical solution would be to pay it off, but no… instead, the screenwriter kidnaps a producer!
Such reckless action sets the director and screenwriter against each other. Should they let the producer go? What if he calls the cops? But, just when they find a way out, the accidental death of the director becomes a point of no return and may implicate both the producer and the screenwriter.
The unlikely duo are now forced to work together to elude a cunning detective — it’s a self-serving engagement for the sake of survival! As the detective closes in on them, the screenwriter and producer turn on each other. The last question remains: who will evade the law?
This is a contained screenplay with five actors, two interior locations, and some exterior pick-ups. Very inexpensive to make!
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script. Thank you.
Bio: Guil is a writer/director with a BFA in Film Studies from Columbia University and an MFA in Creative Writing from The City College of New York. His screenplay Rock Story was a Top 50 Finalist in the ISA Fast Track Fellowship and his short screenplay Another Day on the Line is a semi-finalist in the Outstanding Screenplays Shorts Competition.
Contact Info:
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Barry’s Query Letter
In this lesson I learned the specific structure of a standard query letter requires a focus on marketability and an intriguing fact-pattern that lures a producer to request your script, in that order.
Query letter:
Why would a father attempt to kill his son?Synopsis:
Sonny hasn’t seen his older brother in fifteen years, not since their mother snapped a photo of them, arms wrapped around each other. He carries the emotional scars of separation and the photograph.
Sonny searches for his brother, but his efforts to reunite do not go unnoticed by his gangster father. Sonny is wrongly convicted of murder and imprisoned where he’s targeted for death. By his brother. He survives because of a quirk of fate. Unable to reunite, Sonny cooperates with the prosecutor; his brother is indicted for attempted murder.
Outside of the courtroom, Sonny confronts his brother, who doesn’t recognize him. Until Sonny speaks. His brother blinks. Sonny nervously hands the photograph to his brother, whose eyes soften; he opens his arms. With an outpouring of emotion, Sonny goes to him.
They embrace, then plan a confrontation. In the parking lot of a brothel, Sonny sees his father, then his mother. During a frenzied, emotionally-chaotic clash, Sonny learns that his father raped his mother; that his “mother” is his aunt; and that his mother died from the pain of being raped.
Sonny’s brother listens, then reacts. He kills their “mother,” shoots Sonny’s father and then admits to having just killed his father inside the brothel. Unable to cope, Sonny’s brother commits suicide by cop. The ranking cop on the scene tells Sonny he is to assume his father’s criminal enterprise.
Bio: I write what I know. As a former criminal defense attorney I have exceptional experience with crime, the criminal justice system- including forensic evidence-and prisons.
If you are interested in my concept, I am willing to send you a copy of my screenplay.
Below is my contact information.
Sincerely,
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Lonnie’s Query Letter
What I learned: The format of the short query, short and sweet, use the best hooks, lots of white space.
Title: ELEVATOR DOWN
Genre: Sci-fi/Suspense
Logline: A kidnapped young boy seeks to escape an underground cult of shape-shifting reptoids who kidnap and clone world leaders, then send them to the surface to take control of the governments and economy…solidifying their control matrix.
Query:
A fragile Ben Shaeffer, age 9, is held in a deep, underground cell by shape-shifting, powerful reptoids. The evil leader reptoid, Adronis, wants him eliminated.
His frantic parents suddenly receive eerie messages on their TV, letting them know he is alive. Who has him? Who sent the message? Where is he?
Young Ben must figure out an escape plan. Can he help the other prisoners?
Adronis’ partner in crime, Aurora, opens up to Ben. She is endeared by him and his love for his family. She cannot kill him, and drops hints of the required codes to the one escape route: the elevator.
Ben gets the hint, but does not trust her and secretly sends up his cell phone with pictures and drawings of the complex.
The FBI, secret service, and Washington PD work together to flood the complex and capture the reptoids, including Aurora. Ben has released all prisoners and escaped. But the Head of the Cult, Adronis, escapes on his own underground shuttle to the Denver Pod.
The jailed Aurora relinquishes to the young boy her powers to heal and more.
BRIEF BIO: Published fiction and non-fiction author, Master’s degree: George Washington U.
I would like to send along the full script of Elevator Down upon your request.
Regards, Lonnie Joseph Nichols
Ph: 520-282-1294
Email: ljenterprises77@gmail.com
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/l-joseph-nichols-4718b61b4/
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Lonnie Nichols.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by
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Tom’s query letter
What I learned for this assignment was: a new way to set-up a strong, short query. Hope it works!
Title: SAVING GRACE
Written by Thomas F. Duffy
Genre: Drama
The goal: the NHL play-offs. The goalie: a grocery clerk!
Danny Murphy had it all: a star goalie with a loving wife and baby, and destined for a long NHL career. In a moment, it was gone. His wife dead, his dreams and body crushed in a tragic car accident, and his daughter swept away by Abagail, his wealthy mother-in-law.
A decade later, a downtrodden Danny tries to win Grace back. When best friend, Kings star Lou, gets him a job as a practice goalie, it thrills his girlfriend, Jennifer, while still facing stiff opposition from Abigail.
After a fight with an old rival, an arrest and a near death scare for Grace, Danny questions whether Gracie & Jennifer might be better off without him? Danny battles to the brink. His decisions lead to a climax that pays off with a thrilling, on the edge of your seat, conclusion that audiences love.
A ROCKY meets KRAMER VS. KRAMER, underdog story of pain, redemption and love.
If you like the concept, I’d be glad to send you a copy.
I am long-time film veteran, who played college, semi-pro and Bad Boys hockey with Jerry Bruckheimer for years. An early version of this script drew meetings at Kennedy/Marshall and Imagine.
Contact Information
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Cara’s Query Letter
What I learned in this assignment is that regardless of my career as a writer, it’s not necessarily the kind of writing that would interest the film industry. I’m glad I learned this because I would likely have started with the bio before this class, which would have initially turned off potential readers. I like keeping everything clean and to the point!
Title: Imitation of a Poet
Written by Cara
Genre: Drama/True Story (Public Domain)If good poetry requires love. And excellent poetry requires heartbreak. What does famous poetry require?
For a fragile poet struggling with his identity, Rilke has finally found both profound love and a muse in the famous seductress, Lou Andreas-Salomé… but after he is unable to hold up in her distinguished intellectual circles, he is abandoned by his married lover who finds his poetry uninspired. With that, he embarks on a mission to mend his broken heart and write the kind of poetry worthy of her attention.
His solution for inspiration? Befriend the self-serving sculptor, Auguste Rodin – a revolutionary talent known for burning those closest to him.
In the midst of Paris’ burgeoning modern art movement, Rilke becomes enchanted with Rodin only to find that his own work and relationships suffer more than ever. As Rilke comes to terms with the realities of his friends’ artistic personalities, he discovers that whatever inspiration he had has run out.
As his health deteriorates, there’s only one choice – abandon his obsessive relationships.
Only then will he find his poetic fame.
** Rilke remains one of the most popular of all best-selling poets. His work is so influential that it’s even tattooed on Lady Gaga.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Cara Star
SB, CA
1-917-xxx-xxxx
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John’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is that the query letter has to be brief, intriguing and generate excitement.
Dear Producer,
Title: Potty Mouths
Genre: Comedy
Imagine an R-rated version of “Look Who’s Talking.”
As the moms leave for a bachelorette party, we hear the point of view of two infants, Billy and Abby, as they are left with their inexperienced dads, Michael and David, for five days.
Michael has fear and anxiety of being alone with his son. David tries to install a stricter brand of parenting to Abby but she’s accustom to her mother’s easy-going ways.
Making things more complicated, Michael’s father, who he hasn’t talked to for some time, comes to help. Later, we find out it was Michael’s wife, Sarah, who called him over to help creating tension between the couple. Also, Michael’s friend, Charlie, continues pressuring Michael to reminisce the old days and party with him. It eventually comes to a turning point when Charlie puts Billy in an unorthodox situation.
It all boils down to Michael and David taking control of fatherhood and giving it their own unique touch.
If you like my concept, I’d be happy to send you a copy of my script.
John Vanis
(Contact info)
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Steve’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is: Short + Well Written = Interest
Dear Ms. Rogers:
“I’m a sucker for dog stories.”
I remember you saying this during your Zoom presentation last year at a Harvard Square Screenwriters Monday night meeting and so I thought you might like this one.
TITLE: Laredo GENRE: Family
OPENING HOOK: Last night, an old, scraggly mutt was abandoned in the desert for being too smart.
SYNOPSIS: Wes, a has-been TV pitchman for cat litter, hopes his first movie role will jumpstart his stalled career. On his way there, his hat flies out of his convertible. It soon becomes a battle of wits between Wes and the dog, who won’t get out of his car.
On set, Wes is hailed as a hero, for having saved the dog from certain death and Wes goes along with the story.
Back home, the dog uncovers proof of his girlfriend’s infidelity, and in return, Wes promises to find the dog a good home and never put him in a shelter.
When word gets out about the “cowboy with the heart of gold” who rescued the poor dog from certain death, Hollywood takes notice and it looks like his career will finally take off.
All prospective owners who stop by pass on adoption because the dog misbehaves during every visit. Wes knows if he takes the dog to a shelter he will be put down. As his desperation for fame grows stronger, Wes must decide the fate of the old dog nobody wants to adopt.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Best regards,
Stephen Dexter
(Contact information)
BIO: Family films are my genre of choice. One of my scripts took first prize in the Family/Teen/Animation category of the StoryPros Screenplay Contest. Another one was a top-ten finalist in the ScreenCraft Family Contest.
An animal lover all my life, I volunteered for twenty years for an organization called The Ark Trust, whose mission was to promote the health and welfare of all animals. I’ve produced, directed and self-financed numerous videos promoting wildlife rescue and rehabilitation centers.
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Mark Abel’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is…
Options for structuring my bio in a concise manner, turning shortcomings into positive selling points.
Title: ESCAPEGOAT
Genre: Thriller
Dear Development Executive,
What if the world’s greatest escape artist met inescapable circumstances?
Such confinement had to be found for Felix Fleming, the reckless illusionist responsible for the death of his entire audience in a theater fire. And the solution was military service at a remote outpost — until his convoy suffers an attack by Tuareg smugglers that strands him in the desert.
After a fortnight of ambling through hell, he finds rescue at a secret oasis known as Zerzura, only to discover a power-mad sultan has enslaved its people to a crude gold mining operation using fear, lies, and scapegoating.
Now Felix must confront his past and reclaim his identity to liberate the slaves before the sultan closes in…
Constant misdirection. Questionable allies. His own blinding guilt. This escape is going to require far more than magic.
If you’d like to have a look at the complete script, please let me know. Many thanks for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Mark Abel
(XXX)XXX-XXXX
BIO: Mark Abel’s scripts placed in the top 15% of both the Austin and Nicholl screenwriting contests for the past two years and has first-hand experience failing as a magician.
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Michael Mercer’s Query Letter
This includes the girls “sharing” Adam as their boyfriend, jealousy, competition for Adam’s attention, and extreme run-ins with upset parents. Adam even threats of violence and legal action by a couple of girls’ parents. One of the girls dies on Prom night, and Adam delivers an emotionally moving eulogy at her funeral. And Adam gets another girl’s father to stop sexually abusing her.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: Michael Mercer, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist. He has personally experience getting himself into simultaneous loving, fun, dramatic, emotional relationships involving multiple females.
Let’s Collaborate!
CONTACT INFO: Michael Mercer, Ph.D., 2591 The Peaks Lane, Las Vegas, NV 89138, Phone = 847-521-2554, EM = DrMercer@MercerSystems.com
5. Answer the question “What I learned doing this assignment is…?
KISS = Keep It Short & Simple
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Emmanuel Sullivan’s Query Letter
What I learned today is the query letter is also a statement about your ability to tell a story and present a professional presentation.
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Robert Barhite’s Query Letter
What I learned doing this assignment is keep rewriting my synopsis and look for better, more concise ways to highlight the hooks.
Title: Eulogy for the Damned
Written by: Robert Barhite
Genre: One Hour Serial Drama/Western
What’s an honest outlaw gotta do to save his neck?
Five years after a traitor sold out Isaiah Cooper’s gang of conniving stagecoach robbers to Pinkerton detectives, he’s tracked down the last member of his crew – his lover Kate. Despite mutual mistrust they work together to find the gang’s stolen loot. What a perfect way to keep Kate under his thumb. Unless she turns him in for the reward.
His gang massacred. Hunted relentlessly by Pinkertons. And now framed by cattle barons for the murders of two homesteaders.
To save himself, Isaiah is coerced by the cattle barons and their head thug to help recruit an army of murderers. One small hitch. Their thug, Solomon, was Isaiah’s right-hand man, and they need each other alive long enough to find the missing loot. Solomon cuts a deal with Isaiah – help wipe out the homesteaders, or else.
BIO: Award-winning filmmaker and published author. MFA in Professional Screenwriting with Distinction.
Isaiah’s found his traitor. It’s a race to “Boot Hill.” Will Isaiah find the stolen loot and get his revenge before his ex-partner deems him “expendable?”
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
Thanks,
Robert Barhite
608.213.0350
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Hi Cheryl, Hal,
I’m a bit confused on this part of the assignment:
3.Write your Bio and add it below the salutation with the word “BIO:” before it.
I followed the directions, but looks a bit odd. So I also wrote another one where the “BIO info” is at the end. Please let me know if that works too.
Subject line: Lisetty Sandoval’s Query Letter
Could you forgive an abuser when he’s still hunting you down to kill you?
Hi (producer’s name),
BIO: Besides getting training at Humber college for Film and television production, Lisetty spent 1 month volunteering with sex trafficked victims at the Manitoulin organization and interviewed an indigenous sex trafficked survivor to write the screenplay PENELOPE’S STORY.
Penelope, an aboriginal teenage girl who wants to be free from her past of sexual slavery, decides to take down her pimp’s empire when another job night turns into an old friend encounter.
In her false intend to escape, she gets blinded by her pimp. In the mist of her misfortune, Penelope
meets Estela, a strong old Christian woman who takes her away. Suddenly, she is now challenged to trust and forgive to recover her sight, but she also challenges Estela to answer why God allows evil on earth.
She has to make a choice, to trust in God and forgive her oppressor or take her life and be free from her pain.
How could forgiveness make you free and take down your oppressor’s empire?
These questions are answered in my script. If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you a copy.
Let’s connect!
Lisetty Sandoval
Tel: 1-647-336-1144
Email: lisetty.sandoval@gmail.com | Address:
============My other version===============
Hi (producer’s name),
Quick question: could you forgive an abuser when he’s still hunting you down?
Penelope, an aboriginal teenager who wants to be free from her past as a sexual slave, decides to take down her pimp’s empire when another job night turns into an old friend encounter.
In her false intend to escape, she gets blinded by her pimp. In the mist of her misfortune, Penelope meets Estela, a strong old Christian woman who takes her away. Suddenly, she is now challenged to trust and forgive to recover her sight, but she also challenges Estela to answer why God allows evil on earth.
She has to make a choice, to trust in God and forgive her oppressor or take her life and be free from her pain.
How could forgiveness make you free and take down your oppressor’s empire?
These questions are answered in my script. If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you a copy.
BIO: Besides getting training at Humber college for Film and television production, Lisetty spent 1 month volunteering with sex trafficked victims at the Manitoulin organization and interviewed an indigenous sex trafficked survivor to write the screenplay PENELOPE’S STORY.
Let’s talk!
CONTACT INFO: Lisetty Sandoval
Tel:<b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>1-647-336-1144
Email: lisetty.sandoval@gmail.com
Address:
“What I learned doing this assignment is that I could get experience on my BIO by doing one-one research on the subject matter of my script. It creates credibility even if I don’t have much experience in the industry.”
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by Lisetty Sandoval.
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This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by
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Torino Von Jones Query Letter
What happens when my brother’s dream girl really likes me and I like her?
Dance movies have a faithful following, but the international box office for this genre often doubles the domestic numbers. With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE resonates with an international and a domestic audience.
Competitive brothers, Jewelz and Will, race to an audition. Jewelz sprints down the streets, Will somersaults from roof to roof. Jewelz wins.
Selected for a Las Vegas showcase, the brothers join a group of dancers from around the world, including Fria, a gorgeous girl from India.
The antagonist, choreographer Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who must win the showcase or else. He’s willing to use his connections and cunning to make it happen.
For the brothers, a professional career is the winner’s prize, but when they compete for Fria’s affection, there’s no way they can win.
Similarly to the STEP UP films with innovative dance set pieces, romance, and an emotional core, MOVE has the elements to appeal to all ages.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: I am a multi-optioned writer. I’ve written a script that passed through the Chinese censors process.
Torino Von Jones cell:555-555-5500 email: movethemovie@gmail.com
What I learned doing this assignment was how to use hooks to pitch and how to write a GREAT query letter that looks professional.
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What happens when your brother’s dream girl really likes you?
Dance movies have a faithful following, but the international box office for this genre often doubles the domestic numbers.
With a diverse cast of lead actors (African-American, Asian-American, and Southeast Asian), MOVE resonates with an international and a domestic audience.
Competitive brothers, Jewelz and Will, race to an audition. Jewelz sprints down the streets, Will somersaults from roof to roof. Jewelz wins.
Selected for a Las Vegas showcase, the brothers join a group of dancers from around the world, including Fria, a gorgeous girl from India.
The antagonist, choreographer Jeffrey Cortes, is a master manipulator who must win the showcase or else. He’s willing to use his connections and cunning to make it happen.
For the brothers, a professional career is the winner’s prize, but when they compete for Fria’s affection, there’s no way they can win.
MOVE is similar to the STEP UP films and has the innovative set dance pieces, romance, and and emotional core to appeal to all ages.
If you like the concept, I’d be happy to send you the script.
BIO: I am a multi-optioned writer. I’ve written a script that passed through the Chinese censors process.
Torino Von Jones cell:555-555-5500 email: movethemovie@gmail.com
What I learned doing this assignment was how to use hooks to pitch and how to write a GREAT query letter that looks professional.
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