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Day 7 Assignments
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DAY 7 THE CRUCIBLE
Lisa’s Crucible
What I learned was that these assignments are getting harder as we go along. This was beneficial because it forced me to think about the back and forth dialogue in a forced situation for the characters.
MARY WINTERS
Traits: Competitive, Clever, Energetic, Driven
Subtext: Fear: Afraid of heights, Afraid of loving someone again, Afraid of not being a good mom, Afraid of failing as the organizer of the IAWL festival and not living up to her mom’s perfectionism. Afraid of not getting to her ex-husband in time and finding him dead.
HARRY MILLS
Traits: Curmudgeon, Blunt, Independent, Flirt
Subtext: Knows his days are numbered now that his wife died. He plans to make the most of it. Loves the ladies and hopes to get to all of them before the end.
VIOLET MILLS
Traits: Competitive, Manipulative, Conspiring, Seductive
Subtext: Jealous; Afraid of being alone so tries hard to find love
*Prior to this scene, Tilly has just told Mary that Peter has kidnapped Santa Claus.
EXT-MAIN STREET-NIGHT
The It’s a Wonderful Life festival is in full swing, and the street is crowded. Mary has run into her father, HARRY who has been drinking.
MARY
Dad! Have you seen Pete?!
HARRY
Pete, who?
MARY
Your best friend, Peter!
HARRY
Mary, I’ve been thinking you need to make up with your sister. This competition between you has been going on for years. It’s time you make up now that mom is gone.
MARY
Dad, concentrate! Have you seen Peter?
HARRY
Violet is at the museum. Go see her now, pleeeese! Oh, you know…I remember seeing Pete over by the museum.
MARY
Are you sure?
HARRY
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
MARY
Come on.
Mary drags Harry along with her through the crowd. As they arrive at the door to the museum…
HARRY
After you darling.
Harry holds open the door and Mary walks through. Harry closes the door from the outside and locks it with a key.
MARY
What are you doing!!
HARRY
You stay there until you and your sister make up. You need each other and I’m sick of this.
Harry stumbles off and sits on a nearby bench. Mary bounds on the door from inside.
MARY
DAD! I need to find Peter! It’s important!
Harry doesn’t budge.
INT-NATIONAL WOMEN’S RIGHTS MUSEUM-NIGHT
Mary looks for Violet.
MARY
Violet! Where are you?
As Mary walks by the full-sized statues of the Suffragettes, Violet steps from behind a statue.
MARY
(screaming) Aaaah!
VIOLET
Ha! (laughing)
MARY
You just love scaring me. Dad has locked me in here. Why he has a key, I don’t know, but do you have a key to let me out? I must find Peter, it’s important.
VIOLET
Dad has a key because he’s the volunteer who opens the place in the morning. I might have one too.
MARY
Well, can you let me out….please?
VIOLET
I don’t know. Dad must have had a reason to lock you in here.
MARY
He wants us to make up.
VIOLET
Well, I don’t have a key.
MARY
What?!
VIOLET (looking at her phone)
Mrs. Blaine has the key. I was to call her when I’m ready to leave. But I’ve tried calling her and she’s not picking up.
MARY
Great! Try again. I have to get out of here!
VIOLET
So dramatic!
MARY
Lives may depend on it!
VIOLET
Okay.
Violet tries to call Mrs. Blaine but she doesn’t pick up.
MARY
Text her!
VIOLET
You think I didn’t think of that? I’ve texted her 5 times already.
MARY
Oh God! What about the back door?
VIOLET
Locked.
MARY
Argh!
VIOLET
Let’s sit down.
Violet sits among the Suffragette statues. Mary stands looking at her, then throws up her hands and sits on the floor too.
VIOLET (continued)
Mom wouldn’t want us to fight.
MARY
I know. But I’m just tired of competing with you for years. You always have to cross me. You can’t just let me be in any spotlight without stealing my thunder.
VIOLET
You think you’re better than me and always have.
MARY
No, I don’t. I have more ambition than you, that’s all. (pause) Besides, you’re the one all the boys wanted. (Smiling)
VIOLET
True. But you had the smarts and everyone always backing you up.
MARY
I beg to differ. I got everything I have by working really hard…and mostly alone.
VIOLET
You’re Dad’s favorite.
MARY
You were Mom’s favorite.
MARY AND VIOLET (at the same time)
Poor, Tilly!
Mary and Violet laugh.
VIOLET
I have always been jealous of you.
MARY
Well, you are the middle child. No offense, but your jealousy has nothing to do with me. That is your feeling. I didn’t make you feel that way. (thinking) Did I?
VIOLET
I guess not. I just wanted what you had.
MARY
Divorce? Two children?
VIOLET
Not the divorce or the kids, but everything else.
MARY
UGH! My life is not that great. (pause) But I’m getting ready to make it great.
VIOLET
Are you finally going to marry Joe?!
MARY
Hmm. Not sure about that. But if I tell you this, you can’t tell anyone else.
VIOLET
Okay. What is it?
MARY
I’m selling the house! And the girls and I are moving to Albany in the Spring.
VIOLET
What?! You’re selling that beautiful house and taking the girls away from us!
MARY
Yes. I need a change since mom is gone now.
Violet slaps Mary on the arm.
MARY
Hey!
VIOLET
That’s for not letting me organize the festival if you’re leaving anyway!
MARY
(rubbing her arm) You’ll be able to do it next year…when I’m gone.
VIOLET
Cool. Mom never would give me a chance. (pause) So you haven’t told Dad?
MARY
I haven’t told anyone.
VIOLET
Not even Joe?!
MARY
You’re the first person I’ve told.
VIOLET
That’s not right. You have to give him time to get used to the idea.
MARY
And have him talk me out of it.
VIOLET
Mary, what is wrong with you? You have this tall, handsome, rich, smart guy drooling all over you. He only eyes for you and you keep pushing him away!
MARY
I think it’s too soon for the girls.
VIOLET
That’s ridiculous! Have you seen Joe with the girls? They get along great. It’s you who is holding up the train. What’s the problem?
MARY
I suppose I’m afraid.
VIOLET
Of commitment?
MARY
It’s just that it’s only been 3 years since the divorce and I’m not certain I want to get hitched again.
VIOLET
Are you still in love with Peter?
MARY
No. NO! If I’m being honest, I don’t want to be divorced twice.
VIOLET
Oh! I see. You’re afraid he’s going to leave you. He’s too good to be true.
MARY
(dreamingly) He’s awful nice.
VIOLET
I admit, if you hadn’t gotten there first, I had my eye on him.
MARY
Don’t get any ideas!
VIOLET
(laughs) Okay. I think you’re crazy!
MARY
Mutual.(laughs) One crazy family. Do you think he’s awesome? Because I do. But I don’t want to get my hopes up.
VIOLET
Oh my God! He’s definitely awesome. Don’t screw it up. Open your eyes and see him for what he is…in love with you.
MARY
I love him too. (smiling at Violet)
VIOLET
Just say yes finally! (thinking) Even though we haven’t gotten along, I don’t want you to leave. Who will I argue with every day?
Mary chuckles.
MARY
You’re not so bad…some of the time. Once you figure out your life, you’ll be fine.
Violet holds out her arms. Mary slowly gives her a hug.
VIOLET
Hey! We made up.
MARY
Dad! We’ve got to get him to open the door!
Mary and Violet run to the front glass door. They can see their dad sleeping on the nearby bench as people pass him on their way down Main Street.
MARY
DAD!!
VIOLET
DAD!! Wake up!
MARY
Dad! Look we made up!
Mary makes air kisses at Violet. And Violet does it back.
VIOLET
There’s Mrs. Blaine! Mrs. Blaine!
Mrs. Blaine comes up to the door and waves at them.
VIOLET (continued)
Open the door!
MARY
Open the door!
Mrs. Blaine digs in her purse for the key.
MARY (continued)
I have to find Peter. Can you help me? I’m going to head towards the Bailey houses.
VIOLET
Of course! I’ll head across the bridge.
MARY
Great! Thank you! Call me if you find him.
Mary and Violet hug while Mrs. Blaine unlocks the door.
MRS. BLAINE
I’m so sorry, Violet. My phone lost its charge. I didn’t have a charger with me. Thought I’d come by and see if you’re done.
VIOLET
Thanks Mrs. Blaine. Can you check on Dad over there please? (points to the bench) We have to run.
Mary runs to the left and Violet across the street to toward the bridge.
FADE OUT
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Dev Ross – DAY 7 – The Crucible
CLAY CAINE: Grand Dragon of KKK – prideful, self-righteous, committed, chip on shoulder
LINCOLN ABLE: Black Activist – compassionate, elitist, committed, chip on shoulder
Subtext: Clay desperately seeks to regain his former power. Lincoln desperately wants to understand what is driving Clay while fighting his desire to kill him.
What I learned: I learned how making their environment a closed one, like a fight arena, raises the stakes and the tension. I loved playing with it.
EXT. GRASSY FIELD/ABANDONED COTTON MILL – NIGHT
Clay plows through a grassy field toward an abandoned Cotton Mill that stands as a memorial to what once fueled a now dying community.
Lincoln, who’s been following him, appears in the distance.
LINCOLN
Stop running. I just want to talk!
Clay sprints to the mill, then tries several doors before he finds one that he barely wrests open before he heads inside.
Lincoln runs through the field toward the mill. He finds the door, yanks hard at it to open, enters.
The wide -open door slowly, slowly swings toward being closed.
INT. ABANDONED COTTON MILL – CONTINUOUS
Lincoln stands before rows upon rows of old cotton processing equipment. Light from the moon streams in through a broken roof. The heavy door behind him finally shuts, bringing more darkness.
LINCOLN
I know you’re in here. Come out so we can talk. Whatever this is between us has to stop! No one else has to die!
Lincoln keeps searching.
CLAY (O.S.)
Wrong! I must remove the parasite before it kills the host!
Several shots ring out. Lincoln ducks. Clay steps out of the shadows and starts blindly shooting.
CLAY
Once I kill you, all will be set right!
Lincoln continues to duck behind equipment.
LINCOLN
What will be set right?
Bullets speed past him.
CLAY (O.S.)
My place! Where I need to be to hold back the change that cannot happen! You’re that change!
Lincoln readies his gun.
LINCOLN
I’m just one man!
CLAY (O.S.)
But you’re the spark! Extinguish you, stop the fire!
LINCOLN
Okay, so who I am threatens you. We can talk about that!
More bullets hit around him. He runs off.
Clay emerges, shoots the handle off the door, then searches for Lincoln.
CLAY
There, now you see. No way out and no talking. God chooses me this time.
He quietly moves through the rows when he comes up behind Lincoln who squats in hiding. Clay raises his gun to shoot him in the back when a shimmer passes over Lincoln. The shimmer passes and Lincoln is gone.
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June Fortunato’s Crucible for Retirement Day 7 of Dramatic Devices
What I learned: I must write in chronological order. I attempted a later scene and wrote garbage. I amped up this scene to reinforce the ‘trapped’ situation and like it. Good exercise.
Roy Dent– Wily, crazyass, protective. Subtext- to rescue Kim <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Kim Kirby– Emotionally shattered. Subtext- to save herself and try to fight back. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Brian Kirby– Greedy sob. Easily bullied by wife. – Subtext- to get rid of the “Kim Problem” <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Ingrid Nee Litman-Kirby– Vicious. Self serving – Subtext – work out her plan to get everything. <b style=”font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit;”>Oren Mash- lawyer– on the take. Liar and schemer. Willing to do anything for money. Subtext to serve his clients.
This scene follows the previous “meet cute” scene.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY – OSTEO UNIT -THE NEXT DAY
Roy, still enthralled with Kim, wanders down the hall and looks for her.
Intercut
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – KIM’S – OSTEO UNIT
Kim sits up in bed. Her brother leans against the doorway, and his wife, Ingrid, stands beside him. Arms crossed. Leaning over the bed is 50 year old, OREN MASH, a smarmy and offensively breathed man in a navy blazer. Kim is trapped.
INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY
Roy finds Kim’s room and peeks in through Brian and Ingrid who are unaware of his presence.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – KIM’S – OSTEO UNIT
OREN
As I said, you may be released in the future, but for now, a judge has signed the order to commit you to Belmont.
KIM
I’m not going to Belmont.
INGRID
You don’t have a choice.
Brian nudges Ingrid to back off. Kim, still in physical pain, tries to get up.
OREN
That’s right. Good. The car is waiting.
KIM
I’m not going to Belmont! I am in charge of me.
BRIAN
Kim, you’re not in your right mind.
KIM
You kicked me out. Of my own house! Mom left it to BOTH of us.
BRIAN
Mother was not in her right mind either.
KIM
BULLSHIT. You committed her, too.
INGRID
You see, Doctor? She’s delusional and unstable.
KIM
And SHE is the one who threw me down the steps!
OREN
You’ll love Belmont, Kim. It will calm you. You’ll be safe there.
INGRID
Get dressed.
BRIAN
Don’t fight it, Kim.
Roy pushes through Brian and Ingrid a bit too forcefully and Ingrid nearly falls.
ROY
Ooopsie daisy. Unstable? Excuse me. Pardon me.
He heads to Kim and moves Oren out of the way.
ROY (refers to Ingrid)
She’s off balance…. Kim, we’re late for physical therapy. Come on now.
He helps her up .She grabs her clothes and purse and Roy whisks her out of the room
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Day 7 (Dramatic Devices) Anita’s Crucible
What I learned: Finding crucible moments within a legal setting is not difficult – so in this assignment, I was fortunate. This scene in the beginning of Act 2 is a precursor / foreshadowing of the final scene that ultimately pits Protagonist Danica directly against Antagonist Cyrus, where their ‘showdown’ causes Danica’s mental and physical collapse (exacerbated by her worsening kidney disease). I might morph this scene into one where it is Danica as the arguing lawyer representing the minor, presenting to Cyrus, or to another judge…. Not sure how much I want to “give away” before the final clash – TBD.
Character Name: Judge Cyrus Kilner
Traits: Image-Conscious Narcissist, Hypocrite, Manipulative, Workaholic
Subtext: The more he wants to be perceived as perfect, the more willing he is to do whatever it takes to hide his imperfections. He was instrumental in forming Texas’s anti-abortion law, even though he wanted Dianna’s mother to have an abortion.
Character Logline: Cyrus is a narcissist who won’t let anything – not even ethics – stand in the way of his pursuit to become a power-wielding judge.
[NOTE: The Attorney and Teen are only supporting characters to the overall story.]
INT. COURTROOM – DAY
This is a closed hearing with only the Judge (Cyrus) presiding, and a minor (JANE DOE) who is the petitioner, along with her attorney. There is only a clerk and a court recorder also present.
Cyrus, robed and looking imposing, sits at the bench and bangs his gavel.
JUDGE CYRUS KILNER
Counselor, you may proceed with your client’s petition for judicial bypass.
ATTORNEY FOR THE PETITIONER
Your honor, my client is just 2 months shy of her 18th birthday but 8 weeks would put her past the legal limit for an abortion in this state.
JUDGE
Is her age the only factor I am to consider in this case?
ATTORNEY
No your honor. I just wish to state up front that the age of consent for sex in Texas is 17. Not being able to make a decision on the consequences from having sex until 18 simply clashes with my client’s other legal standards for a minor’s autonomy.
JUDGE
(to the teen, ‘JANE DOE’)
Are you an emancipated minor?
The young girl looks confused at being addressed directly and looks to her attorney.
ATTORNEY
(answering for her)
No sir. My client is not financially stable – which is one reason she is petitioning this court for the right to choose an abortion.
The attorney takes a breath and tries a different tack.
ATTORNEY
My client has stated she is a B student in school, with the ambition of wanting to join the military and go on to college to become a nurse.
JUDGE KILNER
(addressing teen rather menacingly)
Without parental consent how do you plan to get this procedure?
JANE DOE
(Intimidated / haltingly)
My boyfriend would drive me to the clinic and his mother will help pay for the abortion.
JUDGE
And why have you not sought the approval of your parents?
ATTORNEY
She did not tell her parents because her parents would try to convince her to continue the pregnancy.
JUDGE
This is a child having a child. We must include the adult parents in this decision which empowers the family. Family is the backbone of our civilized society. We require parental consent for a minor to get a driver’s permit because that is common sense. A parent guiding their child through major life decisions is a good thing, is it not counselor?
ATTORNEY
Your honor, this supposes that every child comes from a loving and protective household. As a nearly legal adult my client understands the immediate and long-term consequences of this decision and also understands the medical risks involved in terminating a pregnancy. I am simply stating on her behalf that the moral issue here is the freedom of a woman to control the reproductive functions of her own body.
There’s a lengthy pause as Cyrus refers to a few papers on his desk. Then he folds his hands and peers down at the two women, ready to pronounce ‘judgment’.
JUDGE CYRUS
Please be seated.
They do so.
(beat)
JUDGE CYRUS
Seeking judicial bypass, enabling the petitioner, who is still legally a minor, to obtain a waiver that would allow her to end the pregnancy without notifying her parents requires that any such waiver must demonstrate that the petitioner is mature enough to make this decision or that it is not in the teen’s best interest to inform their parents.
The Attorney jumps to her feet.
ATTORNEY
You ask if she’s mature enough to make this decision, but you don’t ask if she’s mature enough to actually raise a child. And if she is not financially or emotionally prepared to do so, should that burden fall on the state?
JUDGE CYRUS
Counselor, I am done hearing arguments and have made my decision. Please sit down.
JUDGE CYRUS (Continues)
First, I heard no argument that informing the parents would cause harm or difficulty to their child.
(beat)
She also deferred to you during the hearing. This does not connote the maturity to make one’s own decisions.
(beat)
Second, the law requires me to establish the criteria of both intelligence and credibility to determine whether a minor can make the decision to abort without parental consent.
(referring to papers on his bench)
This petitioner told the court in sworn written testimony that she had a B average in school. However, upon reviewing her academic record we find an average GPA of 2.85…. not a B average. This inconsistency suggests to me either a lack of intelligence or credibility, therefore not meeting the established criteria set by law.
(long beat / addressing the attorney with a steely eye)
Counselor, you argued that the moral issue here was that of freedom of a woman to control the reproductive functions of her own body. But I say the moral question is rather – under what circumstances can a human being be permitted to take the life of another?
(now turns to Teen)
I suggest young lady that you not only notify your parents as to your situation, but also your intention to end the life of their unborn grandchild.
Cyrus bangs his gavel hard.
JUDGE
Judicial Bypass is denied. This hearing is adjourned.
The Attorney and her teen client are stunned. They silently get up and walk out the back doors into the court hallway.
TEEN
(in distress)
He said no because of my grades!?
ATTORNEY
We can appeal.
TEEN
But I’m almost out of time!
ATTORNEY
We knew this judge was already predisposed to find any trivial reason to deny your case. So, now we move on. And we do so quickly.
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What I learned from this assignment was to be on the lookout for naturally occurring crucible opportunities and emphasize the tension.
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
A. What closed environments already exist that can be used as
crucibles?DR. SULEMAN’S OFFICE
B. Where are the conflicts in the story that would be intensified by
creating a crucible?NEW DISCOVERY THAT THEY ARE ADVERSARIES WITH DIFFERENT AGENDA
A POWER IMBALANCE
C. What characters would you like to confront each other and what
crucible could make that possible?DR.SULEMAN AND HIS NEW EMPLOYEE
OLD BUFFALO HOSPITAL
CHARACTER DR SULEMAN TRAITS
Narcissist, grandiose, delusions of the extent of his power, criminal. Loves his little daughter
Subtext Need for power is endless.
CHARACTER SARAH
Fish out of water, naive, honest, empathetic.
Subtext. Must provide for her young son at all costs.
INT. DR.SULEMAN’S OFFICE/DAY
SULEMAN
Well, how was your first day? I hear you had to pitch in early. That’s how it is here Sarah. All teamwork. You know what I mean, don’t you Sarah?
Dr. Suleman puts His hand on Sarah’s shoulder. Sarah looks uncomfortable.
SARAH
I certainly do. Everyone has been most helpful. Very professional.
SULEMAN
Here I am the captain of my ship. Master and Commander. My word is gold here Sarah. No questions asked. We all do as we are asked, no one rocks the boat. teamwork. I think you understand Sarah. Out of the hospital, you can call me Teddy. In here though, I am literally the God of the hospital. Healing the sick and walking wounded, the worried well, and the neurotics. That’s my mission, called to serve and do God’s healing work.
Sarah steps back. Dr.Suleman releases his hand on her shoulder
SARAH
Sarah speaks in a low, calm tone.
Thanks for that Dr.Suleman. Of course, I understand and respect your rank as Chief of Medical Staff. However, I do believe communication flow can be so very helpful. In fact, I did want to ask you about some concerns I had about the medications the patients who came in today were on.
Sarah’s voice volume rises to a more assertive clear tone.
SARAH cont.
They had all been on various narcotics for months. And really wondered about the safety of the kid on Vicodin? I’m hoping we can start weaning them off and trying other ways of dealing with their issues other than narcotics. Can we talk about this tomorrow? I really have to get going now.
Dr. Suleman uses his arm to block Sarah’s exit. He looks furious. Suleman is talking in a low voice, his voice gradually rising to an angry pitch.
SULEMAN
You are either remarkably stupid or possibly deaf. If you don’t want to get yourself into a whole lot of grief. Think about what you are saying and the possible consequences for you! This is your first day and, you, a mere minion in my kingdom have the gall to question my judgment!
SARAH
Suleman grabs Suleman’s arm and removes it from the door and exits.
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Alice’s Crucible
What I learned from doing this assignment is
2. List your character names along with each character’s traits
and their Subtext above the scene.Character Name: Son of Main Commander
1. Basic character traits:
Highly intelligent, Has no illusion, is a Visionary, Obscure
3. Paradoxes (Warring elements)
He SEPARATES though there are no external reasons for that
6. Special: Is a visionary
7. Subtext: Diplomatic, Refined
LENA
1. Basic character traits: intelligent, experienced, now a woman and with kids, loving, attracted
3. Paradoxes: she was born in reservation, but is a good girl
6. Special: she runs away from the reservation! This is rare
She also can see in a spirit!
7. Subtext: tragic, she learned how to be outside
3.
INT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Le-na walks out of kitchen into open guestroom, replacing items where her children dropped them, running for bus…
…up to Son of Main Commander who sits in deep reverie.
Phone rings. He turns no attention.
Ringing stops.
Le-na touches his shoulder.
LENA
Do you still think of it?
He comes back to realty.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
No. It doesn’t make any sense. I just would get killed.
Le-na sits on his lap, observing his facial expression, as she is still worried.
He returns her look back.
She starts rushing, and pulls string off her neck, bearing pendant, as if she wants to put it on him, as amulet for protection.
He stops her movement by firmly grabbing her wrists and doesn’t let her realize that.
For a while they silently look at each other. She anxiously, he with affirmation.
He lets go of her. Relaxes.
SON OF MAIN COMMANDER
I’ll go.
He gets up, letting Le-na in a chair instead of him.
Dons his military headwear, pulls at jacket, and heads out.
Phone rings again. Le-na picks it up.
LENA
No, he’s gone.
Puts it back on receiver.
EXT. PRIVATE RESIDENTIAL – DAY
Flat piece of lot where their one-leveled private house with triangular fronton is. No other houses around.
Son of Main Commander walks distance away from the house, then stops.
Wind blows into his face.
He Separates. Both sides of his face move apart a bit forward, along vertical slot with even edges. He keeps standing same way, with same facial expression.
Wind keeps blowing over grass.
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I’m sorry, I didn’t answer the qiestion. It’s kinda crucible. It took me a lot of recognition, why he separates, including maybe he believes world doesn’t need him, or that he reached everything, and having no aim he does that, and some others.
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Cameron Martin’s Crucible
What I learned doing this assignment is…Man, maybe I didn’t pick the right scene for this particular assignment. Still, I do think adding a crucible moment to an action scene makes for a more engaging event. It’s first draft work, but I know in it lies something potentially really awesome. You know what? It’s kinda like an amped up version of what I think many of the fight scenes in THE MATRIX are, particularly the fight between Morpheus and Neo, and later the fight between Neo and Agent Smith. In a way, both of these scenes are Crucible moments, first as Neo, the student, learning to give up his own understanding of reality, and later with Neo affirming himself. Both the subtle argument Neo has with Morpheus over what is and isn’t possible, and the battle Neo has with Agent Smith over who Neo is and isn’t make those fights matter. It’s a standard I hope to live up to in any action scene I write, and applying the concept of a “Crucible” to the exchange has the chance of making what would be a run-of-the-mill stunt bonanza into an impactful moment. This scene isn’t anywhere close to where it can be, but the foundation is there to improve this scene in subsequent edits.
Sully – Inventive, Loving, Controlling, Disguising
Isaiah – Obsessive, Focused, Covering Up, Gentle
Jude – Undercover, Motherly, Terse, Curious
INT. JUDE’S APARTMENT – NIGHT
Jude ushers in Sully and Isaiah through the front door, before slamming it on the host attacking them.
Sully takes note of the walls, washed with paint over several documents, notes, and pictures, like something illegal was being hidden.
Before the question of “why” enters his brain, Jude leads him and Isaiah to the back room…
Inside Sully finds a fully stocked shop – both manual and power tools dress the walls with different saws and tables extending from the walls.
SULLY
(pointing to a corner)
Isaiah, get over there and stay there.
ISAIAH
But—
SULLY
No—
ISAIAH
B—
SULLY
NOW!
Isaiah slinks over to the corner, watching his dad take two electric nailers off of the wall, load the charged batteries and row of nails into both, and duct tape the two nailers to his baseball bat, taping down the trigger in the process. Sully tests his new weapon by tapping the bat to the desk. The second the safety pins on the tips of the nailers are pressed, they both fire nails deep into the desk.
Meanwhile, Jude pulls out a part of the wall and presses her hand into a scan. What slides out from the wall is a laser gun!
ISAIAH
Guns are illegal in space!
JUDE
(cocking the weapon)
Don’t worry your pretty little head about that.
A loud CRACK sounds off from the front door. Heavy breathing and slithering make the aliens’ presence known from the hallway.
Jude takes aim…
A worm slithers just passed the door…
ZAP! Jude hits it square in the head.
A dozen worms slither in on top of each other…
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! Jude’s not missing a single shot, but there’re too many of them.
Sully charges in…
James, the alien host, enters the door frame…
Sully raises the bat…
SWING…
CHNNG! Two nails are sent into James’ head. The creature writhes in pain, sending James’ mouth out of his skull to snap at Sully.
Sully backs off, trying to comfort his broken hand, before swinging again…
CHNNG! He hits two more nails into the jaw and neck of James.
James crashes to the ground, lasting just a couple more moments.
Isaiah watches the carnage of several worms getting either blasted by laser fire or impaled and nailed to the floor.
His eyes shift back and forth between the aliens and his “protectors.” Finally, having enough, Isaiah looks around and finds a can of paint thinner.
Isaiah grabs the paint thinner, cracks it open with a screwdriver, and runs with it for the door.
SULLY
Isaiah! Stay back!
Isaiah ignores his dad, chucking out a splash of paint thinner on the door frame.
The thinner almost acts like a force field, pushing the worms out from the epicenter of the splash.
Isaiah keeps marching toward the swarm, dumping thinner over the floors with each step, careful to not splash any on the aliens.
With each step and pour, the worms are repelled further and further from the conflict…
Until Sully grabs Isaiah’s shoulder…
And pulls him back behind him.
ISAIAH
No!
SULLY
I said to stay behind! Stay safe, dammit!
Above the two, the ceiling creaks…
Isaiah tosses a torrent of the thinner…
Splashing it all over the ceiling…
And having it rain back down on them.
Sully shivers and freaks out, while Isaiah, looking up, gets thinner into his eyes.
Isaiah screams, blind.
A worm slides up his leg…
Jude takes aim…
Click. Her gun’s out of ammo!
The worm starts to wrap itself around Isaiah’s throat.
Sully grabs it and SQUEEZES before ripping it off his son and hurling it at the wall.
JUDE
Fall back!
Sully picks up his screaming child and throws his bat at the worms…
While running back into the shop.
The worms are hesitant to pursue them over the puddle of thinner…
Giving Jude enough time to reload.
She begins firing again.
ISAIAH
(hearing the laser blasts)
STOP! Don’t hurt them!
Meanwhile, Sully holds his son under the shop’s sink faucet, spraying water full blast into his son’s eyes to wash the thinner out.
SULLY
What the f— What are you talking about! They’re monsters!
Isaiah
NO THEY’RE NOT!
Sully pulls his son out from the sink, trying to check his son’s eyes, while keeping his eyes on the door.
Jude can’t hold them all back.
Isaiah’s eyes are bloodshot.
Sully reaches up for a cordless circular saw off the wall…
He pins the trigger and sheathe back…
And slides the exposed spinning blade toward the door…
Ripping a couple of worms to shred, and any others that attempt to slither over the spinning blade.
Isaiah grabs a box and dumps out the contents…
He runs toward the door again…
But Sully pulls him back.
ISAIAH
LET GO OF ME!
SULLY
STOP IT!
ISAIAH
You don’t have to kill them!
Sully takes a sledge hammer and bashes in James’ body, before pointing to it.
SULLY
Look at what they do! Look at what they will do to you!
ISAIAH
I hate you!
SULLY
I don’t give a shit! You don’t have a say! You do what I say! When I say it! Or else! That’s how we’re going to get through this!
-
Kate’s Crucible
What I learned from doing this assignment was that dialogue comes easily when there is a clear and well defined conflict with a no-win outcome. Also that a crucible might be an entire years old situation that traps them until it is resolved and not just one conversation.
CHARACTERS
DARROGH – Greedy, Supremely confident, Smooth, (Lonely, Suspicious) Vindictive
His immense wealth and power gives him no idea he’d ever lose to anyone.
LUCIANNA – Determination, Courage, impatience, Longing, (Scheming, Concealing) Excellent game player
Secret: A secret Lesbian hidden in her hometown and culture, and with Darrogh knowing that secret, she has always been very careful not to take him on in any way.
This is (I think) their only scene together and gives us something of their backstory.
Probably a flashback 1/2 way through the film.INT.DARROGH’S GREENHOUSE – MID MORNING
Darrogh is tending some plants, when Lucianna unexpectedly appears at the door of the greenhouse. They haven’t seen each other for over 15 years, since Darrogh ‘caught’ Lucianna and Amahla together (then 6 months later she committed suicide). She watches him for a while as he is absorbed in his task.
LUCIANNA
So it is you.
Darrogh stiffens, takes a moment then turns and holds her gaze.
DARROGH
I wondered how long it’d take you to figure it out.
LUCIANNA
Why did you come here?
DARROGH
Just luck, I guess.
LUCIANNA
I kept my end of the deal. I left you and – all of you alone.
DARROGH
There was no deal. No exchange. I didn’t agree to anything.
LUCIANNA
No. You wouldn’t.
DARROGH
What do you want, Lucianna?
LUCIANNA
I’d really like you to not be here.
Darrogh shrugs and spreads out his hands in a ‘can’t do’ motion.
LUCIANNA
I want the ranch back.
DARROGH
Oh, I don’t think so. You see, it is the best piece property here and I have plans for it.
LUCIANNA
It’s not yours. It’s my family’s.
DARROGH
No. Your grandfather lost it. To me. In a fair game.
LUCIANNA
Fair game? You?
Darrogh steps toward her holding the shears.
DARROGH
I wondered what had happened to you. Not often but every now and again I’d think, where did little beaner home-wrecker go?
Lucianna takes an involuntary step back.
LUCIANNA
I went as far from you as I could go. Here. Where I grew up. Took on the ranch after my father died. Became Mayor – making something of this town that will last.
DARROGH
I know. I knew that before I first came here 2 years and 2 months ago.
LUCIANNA
You count the months? And you did come here with a purpose – what? To do.. what?
DARROGH
I will wreck your home, your entire town. You will regret what you did for the rest of your life.
LUCIANNA
What I did? You come here, build a huge, ugly, ostentatious mausoleum! Designed to impress and intimidate. You sneak around, don’t show your face ‘til it’s all done and then! Bang! You move in and immediately set about taking advantage of the poverty, lack of education and of an old sick man.
DARROGH
And if you had known it was me, what would you have done about it? Madam Mayor!
LUCIANNA
I would have told everyone about you, how you operate. I’ve been keeping an eye on you too. I know what you do. And the whole town would have stopped you. And you know what? I can stop you from doing any more damage.
DARROGH
Really? Really Lucianna. How will this town feel when they know the truth about their dyke Mayor? You think they’ll listen to you then?
LUCIANNA
My personal life is no-one’s business.
DARROGH
I imagine you don’t have much of one here. Keeping your dirty little secret. Maybe you should get out of town with your ‘reputation’ intact while you can.
There is a long pause. Darrogh goes back to his plant.
LUCIANNA
Maybe you might have to consider the same. I can ruin you too. The people here might be poor and ill-educated but they know badness when they see it. And no matter how much money you have, they will run you out of town.
DARROGH
You’re the Sheriff now too?
LUCIANNA
In your arrogance, you have forgotten this is MY home, My town. I’m not going anywhere.
Darrogh turns and looks at her. She is serious and not hysterical.
DARROGH
Nor am I. I have this house, I have a sweet, sweet little ranch and big plans for it. You can stay and watch me. You can’t stop me.
LUCIANNA
I will stay. I will watch.
She turns to go and then turns back as Darrogh stands there pruning shears in hand
LUCIANNA
I’m sure our paths’ll cross again, it’s a small town. I’m ready. And Darrogh? Deep down you know that I didn’t do anything. It’s what you did that haunts you.
Lucianna walks away. Darrogh throws the shears breaking a clay pot as he does.
-
PS81 – Dana’s Crucible
What I learned from this assignment:
My protagonist lives in a crucible through most of the script, trapped in a radio station studio dealing with the antagonist on-air who is threatening to killer her family.
And by placing them in such close proximity, in their crucible, I’m learning more about my protagonist/ antagonist characters and their relationship.
Characters:
Name: Ellen Landry
Traits: Sympathetic/kind, Hopeful, Ambitious Anxious/Insecure
Subtext Logline: Ellen is forced to play a dangerous, on-air game of life and death to save her kidnapped family from a violent ex-patient.
Character Name: Jason
Traits: frightened, childlike, trusting
Subtext: Intimidated
Character Logline: Jason, Ellen’s ex-patient suffering from dissociative identity disorder (DID), is used as a pawn in a psychological plot to torture Ellen during her radio show.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Jason is too intimidated and frightened to stop Ryan
Character Name: Ryan – violent personality
Traits: sadistically polite, calculating, violent, sinister
Subtext: Devious
Character Logline: Ryan masterminds the kidnapping Ellen’s family to satiate his sociopathic appetite by threatening to kill them on-air.
Possible Areas of Subtext: Ryan blackmails Ellen into revealing details of her past to entertain the on-air audience.
SCENE:
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – CONTINUOUS
Ellen eases away from the microphone as if divorcing herself from the moment, listening.
A long beat. No-one is speaking. Then-
DARLA (O.S.)
(on air)
Jason? It’s Darla. Jason…?
(beat)
Are you there?
SOFT BREATHING.
DARLA (O.S.) (CONT’D)
Jason? Please… talk to me.
JASON (O.S.)
(weak)
Darla…? Is that you?
DARLA
Yes! Jason. It’s me.
JASON (O.S.)
Darla… I’m having a really bad day.
Hearing her brother’s voice, Darla struggles emotionally.
DARLA
I know, honey. I know.
JASON
Darla… I’m scared.
Ellen puts a hand over her mouth to conceal the sound of her crying from interfering.
DARLA
It’s okay, honey. Don’t be scared. I’m here now. You don’t have to be scared anymore.
JASON
I don’t want to be here…
DARLA
Then let me help you, honey. Tell me where you are. I’ll come take care of you. I promise.
JASON
You didn’t help me before. You left me. You abandoned me — to them.
(angry)
You both did. You and Dr. Ellen.
Ellen wants to say something, thinks again, and stops.
DARLA
But I’m here now… I’m here now. Please, honey, let me help you.
JASON
You can’t help me. They’ll blame me for killing that man. They’ll blame me and send me to prison.
DARLA
Who blames you, Jason?
CLOSE SHOT – SORENSEN listening on headset.
JASON
The police. The police will arrest me and send me to prison forever. He told me.
DARLA
Who told, Jason? Who told you that?
INT. COMMAND CENTER – SFPD
Phil and the team listening on speakers.
JASON (V.O.)
(on radio)
Ryan. He says the police will blame me. Ryan shot that man, but they’ll blame me.
DARLA
No-one blames you, Jason.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
Ellen, her hands wringing, almost praying, listening.
DARLA (O.S.)
Everybody knows you didn’t mean to kill Mr. Landry.
JASON
Who?
DARLA
His name was Roger. He was Dr. Ellen’s husband.
JASON
Oh, God. No… No…
Ellen summons her courage and eased up to the microphone.
ELLEN
Jason. This is doctor Ellen.
JASON
I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry.
Ellen starts and stops, choking up.
ELLEN
No-one blames you, Jason. For what happened. I don’t blame you.
JASON
It’s not my fault. I couldn’t stop him! Ryan killed that man, and I couldn’t stop him.
(angry; frustrated)
It’s not my fault!
ELLEN
I know it’s not, Jason. I know it’s not. But you have to be strong now. You have to be stronger than Ryan.
JASON
I can’t… You don’t understand…
ELLEN
Jason… There are two little girls with you. Their names are Samantha and Mackenzie. Samantha is twelve. And Mackenzie is ten.
(beat)
They’re my daughters.
JASON
Oh, God, no… no…
ELLEN
Ryan has taken my daughters.
Overwhelmed, Jason is crying, fighting with himself.
ELLEN (CONT’D)
Jason. Stay with me. Don’t leave. I need your help now. They need your help. They need you to be strong — for them.
DARLA
Jason, listen to Dr. Ellen.
JASON
You don’t understand… either of you.
ELLEN
You’re not like Ryan. You’re kind and gentle. And I know you don’t want him to harm my little girls.
DARLA
Jason, please. Trust Dr. Ellen.
JASON
You don’t understand… YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!
DARLA
(very soft)
Jason? Do you remember when we were children? The hot summers? Remember when we would run down to the river to escape the heat and play? Do you remember…?
(beat)
Remember what we used to play? We’d play pretend. We’d pretend we lived in another world, in another time. Remember?
(beat)
I’d play the fairy princess. And you’d be the brave knight. We can play that again. You and me. Right now. Let’s pretend with each other. Let’s pretend. You can be the brave knight. And you can save the fairy princesses — for Dr. Ellen. For her children.
Silence.
DARLA (CONT’D)
Jason…? Jason…?
Beat.
RYAN (O.S.)
(menacing)
Get that bitch off the phone.
CLOSE SHOT – SORENSEN
SORENSEN
(whispered)
Damn it!
INT. THE COMMAND ROOM – SAME
Phil and the team react in frustration.
INT. ON AIR STUDIO – SAME
Ellen moves closer to the microphone. Her anguish turns to rage upon her Ryan’s voice.
RYAN
I told you not to break the rules. No-one was supposed to talk to me but you. You brought the sister in.
ELLEN
She wasn’t talking with you. She was talking Jason.
RYAN
(impressed)
That’s very slippery of you, Dr. Ellen. Very… psychological. You’re starting to play the game.
-
Matthew Frendo’s Crucible
What I learned doing this assignment was how to create a crucible scene. This will add tension and excitement to future scripts.
CHARACTER PROFILE – ALICIA
1. Basic character traits:Protective
Brave
Crafty
Character Logline: Alicia is a girl who has only been able to rely on herself, while protecting her little brother in the world.
INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia walks in first. Before the others can join her–
SLAM!
The door behind her slams shut. She runs back and tries to open it but it won’t budge.
The group on the outside are banging on the door.
KRISTEN (O.S.)
What’s happening? Alicia, what’s–
ALICIA
No idea. It won’t budge.
KRISTEN (O.S.)
It won’t move out here either. Why the hell would they save us now?
ALICIA
No idea. I–
ALICIA’S FATHER (O.S.)
Cupcake?
Alicia quickly swivels around, mouth agape.
ALICIA
Daddy?
KRISTEN (O.S.)
Daddy? Alicia, you’re dad’s dead.
ALICIA
(in shock)
Yeah, I know.
KRISTEN (O.S.)
That means it’s a trick.
ALICIA
Yeah, I–What if it’s not? What if–?
She starts walking through the hall of grotesque, macabre, dust-ridden mirrors.
The voices and banging from outside fade as Alicia walks farther in.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host turns to the crowd with a sly smirk.
HOST
That’s right people. I did some research and found out Alicia’s father was one of the soldiers at Ceaserly who refused to fight. They’ve been doing experiments on them to make them stronger–
The crowd gasps, astonished.
SIDE OF STAGE
Alex is next to Bullet.
ALEX
Did he just fucking say that out loud?
MAIN STAGE
The Host hears the audience reaction and knows he just messed up. He looks at Alex and sees him glaring. He immediately goes into cover mode.
HOST
Only certain soldiers, obviously. The ones who were cowards and willing to let our people die! Now, they are becoming something more. And that more is going to make the last minute and a half of Alicia’s life a hellish ordeal. But I have even more fun planned for our little hero.
He keeps smirking and takes out a small device with a red button as the crowd boos.
INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia is walking down the hall, looking at the mirrors. They start to make her squeamish, as they contort her in every which way.
Then she sees him. Her father…but ALICIA’S DAD (55) doesn’t look human anymore. He’s scarred up, with some body parts seemingly coming from different vicious animals.
ALICIA
Dad? What did they do–?
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host looks at the crowd and hits the button.
INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia suddenly grips her head and falls to her knees, screaming.
She looks up–
ALICIA’S POV
Alicia’s vision is more than woozy…it’s nearly hallucinogenic. She looks at mirrors and sees herself looking evil or scared or feral.
She tries to look away, but everything she sees is out of whack. Her father picks her up. She looks at his scarred up face…and sees his dark eyes.
Right before he throws her across the room!
CRASH!
She crumples after going through multiple mirrors.
She looks up and sees him coming again. He looks down at her and smiles.
ALICIA
Daddy?
Then he takes his foot, which is an eagle talon and grips her leg, HARD. She screams as his talons pierce her flesh and it starts oozing blood.
She starts to cry and give in.
ALICIA
Daddy, I can’t fight you.
INT. AUDIENCE STAGE – NIGHT
The Host smirks again at the crowd.
HOST
Looks like our little hero is a quitter after all.
They boo louder…but now, he’s enjoying their hate and treating it as love.
INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia is still crying and looking away. She starts to look up at him again.
ALICIA
Do what you want? I can’t fight anymore–
She turns up to him…and now he looks like a manic devil.
ALICIA
Aah!
She quickly turns, causing the talon grabbing her to go sideways, throwing him off balance as he falls to the ground.
Alicia bolts to the door, but it won’t open. She hears people outside, but doesn’t respond…because her dad is up and coming at her.
She quickly goes into the maze of mirrors, trying to not look at any of them.
She hears her dad breaking things to find her across the room. She huddles into a corner between three mirrors.
She closes her eyes tight–
BEGIN FLASHBACK
INT. ALICIA’S OLD DOMICILE – DAY
Alicia’s house when they were rich. Alicia (10) is sitting on the couch, as her mother holds her crying brother (now 6), who is covered in blue paint.
ALICIA’S MOTHER
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you!
Alicia looks down.
ALICIA
Sorry.
ALICIA’S MOTHER
That’s all you have to say? You let your friends do this to your brother and all you say is sorry?
Alicia shrugs.
ALICIA
They said it would be funny.
ALICIA’S MOTHER
Real funny, Alicia. If I’d known you were–
ALICIA’S FATHER
Why don’t you go take him to the other room.
ALICIA’S MOTHER
You want to talk to her? You talk to her. I need my medicine anyway.
She trodges off, Tony in her arms crying. Alicia’s father moves closer and looks at Alicia.
ALICIA’S FATHER
I know it’s not easy having a brother like that.
ALICIA
It’s not! Mom pays more attention to him, he always follows me around at school, I get made fun of–
ALICIA’S FATHER
Now, imagine what it’s like for him.
Alicia stops, thinking, and gets sad.
ALICIA
Probably worse.
ALICIA’S FATHER
Definitely worse. He won’t be able to do most things you do.
She nods solemnly.
ALICIA’S FATHER
I need you to do me a favor.
ALICIA
What’s that?
ALICIA’S FATHER
Be like me. My job is protect our people. I need you to help protect your brother.
She halfheartedly nods.
ALICIA’S FATHER
Remember Alicia, strong fighters must protect their people, their clan, their family. It’s the most important thing there is.
INT. TRAINING CENTER – DAY
Her father and Alicia are in a training center for fighting. He’s watching as Alicia faces a dummy in a fighting stance.
ALICIA’S FATHER
Remember the rules. First, surprise the opponent. Then, find his weak spot and break it. Lastly, finish it without mercy.
Off her horrified look.
ALICIA’S FATHER
That’s the most important part, Alicia. Because anyone not put down enough will come back. Now, go!
She attacks the dummy.
EXT. HUNTING GROUNDS – DAY
Her dad (now 40) is showing Alicia (now 14) how to set a diversion trap when hunting. He has a carcass hanging from a tree as he walks back to her, hiding in the brush.
ALICIA
Why’d you do that, Daddy?
ALICIA’S FATHER
Because we want animals to come. And they’ll come to get what they want. And they want food.
ALICIA
And when they come?
ALICIA’S FATHER
That’s when we get our food.
END FLASHBACK
INT. HALL OF ILLUSIONS – NIGHT
Alicia, idea in her head, looks at the mirrors and starts thinking. She closes her eyes, concentrates and controls her breathing, and opens them.
Then she gets up, determined but a bit unsteady.
OTHER PART OF HALL
Her father is breaking mirrors, looking at them for her. Searching everywhere.
Finally, he sees her in a mirror…and her back is turned.
He hurries to her, knife hand raised…but it’s not her. It’s another mirror.
He starts looking around and sees in all the mirrors around him. He gets confused disoriented and then–
ALICIA
Over here, Daddy.
He turns and swings, but just breaks another mirror.
ALICIA
Wrong direction.
He turns again, but breaks another mirror.
ALICIA
Want to try again?
He gets enraged, yelling, and starts breaking everything in sight to get to her.
He demolishes it all and turns when–
ALICIA
First way to take down an enemy is–
CRASH!
She breaks a mirror over his head.
ALICIA
Catch him by surprise.
He backs up, dazed.
ALICIA
Next, find the weak point–
She walks towards him.
ALICIA
–and break it.
She lowers to the ground quickly and kicks at the talon foot. It snaps in two as her father falls to the ground screaming.
ALICIA
Now, finish it without mercy.
She picks up a piece of mirror and gets on her knees, closer to her father. She hesitates.
ALICIA
If any part of you is left in there–
ALICIA’S FATHER
Aargh!
He comes at her, but before he can, she puts the blade in his throat. He bleeds out, finally dead.
She gets up, crying.
ALICIA
Thank you for helping me survive this. You were right.
-
Day 7: The Crucible – Assignment
Mike O – Crucible
What I learned is designing confrontations and forcing issue(s) works! Great place to have setup/payoffs as well. Works well for ‘twists.’
I. Create a scene where a crucible forces two or more characters to confront an important issue. Look through your outline, find a scene that you could use today’s technique on. Preferably, a scene where you can go to an extreme with the technique.
II. List your character names along with each character’s traits and their Subtext above the scene.
III. Write the scene where two or more characters are in a crucible & must confront each other in a conflict.
===================================
INT. CORNER TABLE – LATER
Table linen, porcelain china, and place settings that compliment the decor. Brooklyn glances out the window: pines swaying in the moonlit air. In a word, amazing!
Sitting across the table, Richard. His nonchalance a pretext. Before them, their entrees.
BROOKLYN “I heard you’re interested in the gallery.”
RICHARD “You did? Huh, I’m not sure this is the time or place, but since you broached the subject, what were you thinking?”
BROOKLYN “I don’t know: rental contract, lease agreement, lease-to-own? I’m not sure if I want to sell, or take over where my father left off.”
Richard reaches for his wine, gives a thoughtful pause while savoring the Merlot.
RICHARD (lies) “Your father and I were business partners. I believe you will find papers to that effect in the office. Where? Lord knows, Joshua was lax with organization. He was not one to stand on ceremony,”
Richard flashes a charming smile as the waitress returns with a water pitcher. He waits while she refills their glasses and leaves.
RICHARD “As I was saying, your dad and I worked the gallery together. Acquisitions and appraisals, client signings, my area of expertise. Marketing, promotions and showings, your father’s focus. “
Brooklyn, knife in hand, slices into her steak. CLOSE ON the cut as BLOOD leaks out of the New York strip.
Richard, lips red with wine, dabs his mouth with a linen napkin. The princess-cut diamond on Brooklyn’s right index finger holds his gaze. Knowing the clarity, cut and worth gives him pause.
RICHARD “I would never have guessed you like your meat bloody. Red is the color of romance.”
BROOKLYN (counter-punch) “You interested in renting, or do you have something else in mind?”
RICHARD “I’m not sure. I’m still processing your father’s death.”
-
Antonio’s Crucible
What I learned from doing this assignment
This crucible gave me the opportunity to elevate the abduction of Parisa’s boyfriend, which is the inciting incident of the story.
CHARACTER 1
Sylvain: Parisa’s uncle. A shrewd underground MMA entrepreneur with unconventional, creative training methods
SUBTEXT: shrewd, creative, unconventional, compassionate
CHARACTER 2
Bahadur: Parisa’s fiancé. A daytime janitor and an underground MMA prizefighter at night. He gets poisoned and abducted by a criminal ring.
SUBTEXT: doubtful, tends to depend on others (people, systems, etc.), loyal, destructive-murderous
==========================
NOTE: This is from the opening scenes of the movie. Although Bahadur was on the run, he shows up for the weekly underground fight because they need the money to pay for Parisa’s mom medical bills. Yet, the criminal ring is tracking him down. They plan to poison and abduct him after the fight. His opponent is “The Ruler’s Favorite” Shahnaz.
==========================
INT. NEW YORK – UNDERGROUND CAGE – ARENA GATE
Sylvain, Bahadur enter the arena. The smoke and lights hurt Bahadur’s eyes. He winces. Closes his eyes. He blindly trudges through the crowd. He trusts Sylvain to lead the way.
CAGE PATH – FANS TUNNEL
Fans line up on both sides of the path. Each of them join hands with another on the opposite side. Make a tunnel leading Bahadur, Sylvain to the cage access gate.
Bets flow. Pats on the back. Loud cheers throughout the way.
SYLVAIN
You know? I would call this off, but mom’s hospital bills are sucking your bank funds.Bahadur, drowsy, does not reply
SYLVAN (CONT’D)
Anyway, you stand a better chance against just one man in that cage than against an angry mob… specially after they’ve laid their money on you.
CAGE ACCESS GATE
Bahadur, Sylvain reach the cage. Bahadur takes deep breaths. Sylvain takes a look inside the cage.
SYLVAIN’S POV
Shahnaz, a gigantic fighter, flexes muscles. Speed shadow-jabs. Growls like a wild animal. Threatens the audience.
BACK TO SCENE:
Sylvain stands aghast. Turns around towards Bahadur and tries to stop him from looking inside the cage.
SYLVAIN
Second thought… Let’s take our chances with the patrons. Think you could run fast?
Bahadur nudges him aside. Grabs the frame of the gate. Throws himself inside.
BAHADUR
Too late. Gotta finish this!
Security guards quickly lock the gate.
INSIDE THE CAGE
The two fighters stand face to face. The David-Goliath contrast makes the audience burst in madness.
CAGE ACCESS GATE
Sylvain frantically bangs on the cage. Guards ignore him.
SYLVAIN
Listen, guys. We must stop this! Just open the gate! Let him out!
Guards utter no sound.
SYLVAIN (CONT’D)
OK, OK. Gimme a towel that I can throw. C’mon, gimme a towel. You’ve towels ’round here, uh?
GUARD ONE
Sir. We got no towels to throw. A match is over when… it’s over. Y’ know what I mean?
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Antonio Flores.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by
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